#and “I have come to rely upon your dissatisfaction with me. It is one of the cosmere's great constants I should think”

[square-hatches-are-squary]

last dying words are a regular thing? and they were collected in the part one epigraphs for some reason? mostly all during the same twoish years?

I’m gonna point fingers and say this is a shard thing

but I need to go look back and see if there was a pattern in the words in the epigraphs that I maybe didn’t pick up on before, because I know sanderson likes his epigraphs

[tenebris-lux]

Old friend, I hope this missive finds you well. Though, as you are now essentially immortal, I would guess that wellness on your part is something of a given.

I realize that you are probably still angry. That is pleasant to know. Much as your perpetual health, I have come to rely upon your dissatisfaction with me. It is one of the cosmere’s great constants, I should think.

Let me first assure you that the element is quite safe. I have found a good home for it. I protect its safety like I protect my own skin, you might say.

You do not agree with my quest. I understand that, so much as it is possible to understand someone with whom I disagree so completely.

Might I be quite frank? Before, you asked why I was so concerned. It is for the following reason:

Ati was once a kind and generous man, and you saw what became of him. Rayse, on the other hand, was among the most loathsome, crafty, and dangerous individuals I had ever met.

He holds the most frightening and terrible of all of the Shards. Ponder on that for a time, you old reptile, and tell me if your insistence on nonintervention holds firm. Because I assure you, Rayse will not be similarly inhibited.

One need only look at the aftermath of his brief visit to Sel to see proof of what I say.

I’m case you have turned a blind eye to that disaster, know that Aona and Skai are both dead, and that which they held has been Splintered. Presumably to prevent anyone from rising up to challenge Rayse.

You have accused me of arrogance in my quest. You have accused me of perpetuating my grudge against Rayse and Bavadin. Both accusations are true.

Neither point makes the things I have written to you here untrue.

I am being chased. Your friends of the Seventh Shard, I suspect. I believe they’re still lost, following a false trail I left for them. They’ll be happier that way. I doubt they have any inkling what to do with me should they actually catch me.

If anything I have said makes a glimmer of sense to you, I trust that you’ll call them off. Or maybe you could astound me and ask them to do something productive for once.

For I have never been dedicated to a more important purpose, and the very pillars of the sky will shake with the results of our war here. I ask again. Support me. Do not stand aside and let disaster consume more lives. I’ve never begged you for something before, old friend.

I do so now.

The beginning chapter snippets of Part Two of The Way of Kings when put together.

If the speaker is who I suspect they are, their demeanor in this letter is very different than usual.

[darkcloud-kcalifornia]

“Much as your perpetual health, I have come to rely upon your dissatisfaction with me. It is one of the cosmere’s great constants, I should think.”

Ah! Ah! They said it!

[theprayerfulword]

September 10

Proverbs 3:6 In all thy ways acknowledge [the Lord], and He shall direct thy paths.

James 4:8 Come near to God and He will come near to you.

2 Corinthians 2:14 Thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads in every place the fragrance that comes from knowing Him.

John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, He said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows Me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Isaiah 40:4 The crooked places shall be made straight and the rough places smooth;

Luke 9:23 Then He said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be My follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow Me."

May you come to see the Lord Almighty in His holiness once that which was formerly on the throne of your life dies and leaves it open for the King of kings to occupy. Isaiah 6

Even as the seraphim covered their face to show unquestioning obedience in fulfilling God's assignments, may you step forth willingly into the harvest work trusting the truth of God's Word and the leading of God's Spirit without requiring all your questions answered or your vanities satisfied, burning, as the seraphim, with love to God and zeal for His glory. Isaiah 6

May you come in sorrow and repentance before the Lord for the uncleanness of the culture that we live in, that God's fire may touch your lips and purge your heart, so you may speak the true and pure words of life to whom the Lord sends you. Isaiah 6

May you ever seek for the humbling enlightenment of the Spirit, always desiring to see with the loving eyes of the Lord, praying to hear the shattering voice of God in your heart, that you would not be given up to the delusion of comfort, but know and fear the awesome, shaking power of God, that you, and those of like heart, may understand and turn and be healed through His precious, divine mercies. Isaiah 6

May you walk with care, remain calm and not fear when you hear of circumstances, or see situations arise against you, but trust in the Lord. Isaiah 7

May you stand firm in your faith before God, for then you will not fall. Isaiah 7

May you learn to despise and discount those spiritual powers of wickedness in high places which try to resist the unchangeable will of God and attempt to stand against His eternal righteousness, but only as you humble yourself in faith to the unalterable authority of God's Word and by dependence on the quickening power of God's Spirit rather than in your own strength or understanding, for the arm of flesh is no match for even the defeated foes of God. Isaiah 7

May you willingly and unhesitatingly, in humble acknowledgment of your own weakness and need, draw upon the resources of the Lord and the abundance of the Spirit when God offers, not turning from the Holy One in pride, disrespect or dissatisfaction and shrouding it with sanctimony or religion. Isaiah 7

My child, be secure in your faith and confident in your conviction. Do not rely on your own strength but, in honesty, acknowledge your weaknesses and confess your needs. I am present in My strength to supply what you are lacking, and I am watching over My word, which I have given you the authority to speak, to ensure that it accomplishes all that I desire of it. Let the authority of My Word and the power of My Spirit bring the winds of change into your heart and renewal to your mind, even as I enable you to stand strong and immovable in the face of attack. Do not think that you know all that you need, but remain humble and hungry, that I may grow you into the maturity of a serving son, even as I grew in favor with man and God. Cast the burden of your responsibilities and cares of life on Me, for I will sustain you. Follow Me as your Shepherd, for I will send you as a lamb among wolves, and though they attack you, no harm will befall you, for My rod and My staff protect and comfort you, and My arm upholds and defends you. In the dark night of your soul, that time which comes to all My children, when the wolves of doubt circle and press in, when the roar of the lion shatters the still of the night, recall My promises to contend with those who contend with you with My buckler and shield as I fight against those who fight against you. When the light breaks through the darkness and you emerge into the newness of dawn, you will know, by personal experience, the effectual strength of My defense and you will realize, first-hand, the comprehensiveness of My protection. You can then confidently and authoritatively relate the eternal truth of My promises to those just starting to need it. Obey Me willingly in the work I assign you, My precious one. Approach it with enthusiasm for you have the confidence that nothing you do for Me is ever useless, and time spent in My presence is never wasted. I do not call you to meaningless tasks, fruitless endeavors or purposeless routines, My love. Though you may not see the result or understand the goal, you can be certain by faith that the seed you plant, the love you share, the time you invest, the prayer you breath, the effort you put forth, in submission to My will and in obedience to My word, has My blessings upon it to multiply and increase My kingdom, and bring treasure to your eternal reward.

May you humble yourself according to the example of Christ, the Lord, Who made of Himself no reputation, but preferred others above Himself, speaking not of Himself, as fools do, but speaking and doing as God the Father desired, establishing the will and accomplishing the purpose on earth, as in heaven, of the Almighty, which mortal man, in his carnal mind, cannot understand and dismisses as weak and foolish. 2 Corinthians 11

May you praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus, and let any boasting you do be of the things that show your weakness, for therein is He shown strong. 2 Corinthians 11

May you speak your prayer to God to save you by His name and vindicate you by His might when strangers attack you and men without regard for God seek your life. Psalm 54

May you truly understand that God is your help, and the Lord is the one who sustains you. Psalm 54

May you sacrifice a freewill offering to the Lord as you praise His name, for it is good. Psalm 54

May you have revealed to you how, in His faithfulness, He has delivered you from all your troubles when your eyes look in triumph on your spiritual foes as their slanderous evil recoils upon themselves. Psalm 54

[alatusprinz]

genshin men and their red flags in relationships . ( gn! reader . )

●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○ fear not, dearest . for some dream of mortals are sunrise stained and spring warmth flavored, others find no purer solace than the serene melody of an everlasting winter blizzard. you are the bearer of the stars - the one ruler of thy fate .

characters : kaedehara kazuha , diluc ragnvindr , xiao , albedo , venti , tartaglia , scaramouche , kaeya alberich .

genre / warning : angst / view on red flags . mentions of controlling/manipulative behavior , yandere tendencies / traits mentioned .

◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇

[ conflict avoidant personality ] - kazuha is a true pacifist- too much so. respectful is he, his love like the first snow, beautiful, gentle and graceful. everything would seem perfect for a seemingly long time until one day he starts avoiding you. no matter how hard you try, you couldn't fit within his reach. in reality, he had been avoiding every bit of negativity in your relationship under any cost to preserve the peace, hoping day and night for the problem to solve itself. each time he felt his space being disrupted, every single small discomfort or dissatisfaction he felt in the relationship because of you, kazuha was afraid to offend you and break your bond, so he had endured with a polite smile and a kiss on your cheek. but the limit has come in the end. whilst you were dancing, basking in the beautiful wonderland of the love he built for you all along, he found no energy to pretend anymore. even until the end, he couldn't tell you his boundaries, you didn't find out what you could've done better. really, like the scarlet leaves pursuing wild waves, he was gone. no matter how hard you ran, you couldn't reach his soul anymore. maybe if you'd noticed his strained smile, maybe if you tried harder to read between the lines... you would never know now, would you ?

[ possessiveness ] - diluc is a wounded, but gentle soul. life has turned for the worse too quick for the young lad, having lost so, so much for someone his age. because of that, he was guarded. once upon a time you were outside of his stone cold walls too, knocking gently for him to trust you, to return your everlasting warm love. and trust you, he did. your love was like a burning fire, passionate and endearing. everything diluc wanted, you were the embodiment, his dear loving angel. he loved you, so so much to the point he would feel fear and anxiety pumping in his veins all the time. are they hurt? are they feeling comfortable right now? are they hungry, feeling sad or lonely? every part of you, he wants to protect with each piece of his own soul. anything you needed him for, anything you desired, he was willing to tear himself down limb by limb if necessary. diluc fell deeper in love with you each passing moment, and with his suffocating love grew his possessiveness. of course that guy was flirting with you, stay away from him. of course she didn't mean well giving you that suspicious flower, didn't you look at her mocking gaze while she offered it to you? it might be harmful. turn to me. rely on me. use me. need me. i'm all yours, all you'll ever need. i'll protect you darling, i love you so.

[ overprotectiveness ] - xiao isn't well versed in mortals, relationships or anything of the sort. he warned you, pushed you away, avoided you, even almost threatened you (with no ill intent) countless times in fear of harming both you and himself and convinced himself that it was for the good. but did it work? no. with your persistence, he was later able to accept that even he with bloodstained hands and karma-wrecked soul, deserved kindness and love. so he embraced you, the fragile, delicate mortal who he wanted to keep by his side for as long as heavens allowed them. he was so careful, asking, affirming and making sure before doing anything at all from touching, holding, fondling and gently kissing. his love felt feather light like butterfly wings caressing your heart. however even a butterfly wing's flap could cause a storm. if left unattended, if not explained and communicated properly, xiao would spend minutes, hours, days worrying over your safety. he would quietly inspect every inch of your body with his piercing eyes to make sure there were no bruises, wounds or anything of the sort. if you fell ill, he would scold you that you were careless to have gone out in the cold weather with your overly skimpy pretty human clothes, not even noticing your eyes silently watering at his coldness. and if anyone dare hurt you, whether it be verbally or physically, he would be willing to tear them apart, have them taste the vigilant yaksha's blood-curdling cold fury. you closed your eyes and hoped, wished desperately for his wrath to come to an end. your beloved alatus, you whispered - you could fix this behavior, he is just not familiar with humans and your emotions... right?

[ knowing / unknowing manipulation ] - albedo silently prided himself in absorbing knowledge and social necessities quickly. he had spent a long time with humans and often even felt connected to the mortals already, so he didn't doubt his ability to be a loving partner to you and accepted with a gentle smile on his pretty face when you confessed your love. from the first touch of your hands to the first time you made love, everything was perfect- it felt like a fairy tale - your heart was safe in your beloved kreideprinz's delicate hands. but each day that passed, you just couldn't calm down the voices in your head whispering, warning you that something was wrong. you see, often time when you voiced out your concern or a small problem to him, albedo would listen to each of them with utmost undivided attention. he would ponder, comprehend, then accept your stance and apologize. after that, he'd decide to change and never do it again, molding into your desires perfectly. it had never been a problem before, but when he started subtly asking, demanding for you to keep your hair longer, to cut off your ties to some of your friends with "ulterior motive", to quit your current job and look for another because it "overworked you too much", you felt too much pressure. when you finally voiced this like your other problems though, albedo blinked and confusedly tilted his head in a questioning manner. he, for once, didn't see the problem. humans were give-and-take from nature, are they not? if you asked something of him, he would gladly change and make an effort for you. he's been doing so each and every time, it's only fair that he did the same to you whether it be with your knowledge or not. you were so happy with him, weren't you? you were happy when he said you looked more attractive with longer hair, and that friend of yours ended up badmouthing you to everyone after you cut ties, didn't they? see, he was right all along, he was doing just what was right to keep his love away from those... lowlives. he laced his fingers with yours with a charming, seductive smile, wrapping your tender heart with his tightly-woven red strings of destiny he weaved with you, as he liked to believe.

[ overwhelming affection and attachment issues ] - tartaglia knew he was a hard person to love. heck, he didn't even think he was ready for love but the first time he laid his ocean eyes on you, he swore his world stopped. you just had to be his. because of his certainty and determination, he courted you, bought you flowers and asked you out on a dinner date. brought you to lingju pass and opened your eyes to the beautiful view of jade moons over sea of clouds. he was a breath of fresh air, always leaving you wanting more, excitement and starstruck a part of your daily routine by now. but you were anxious that after a while, tartaglia's feelings would change. he was a fatui harbinger, it would be bothersome for him to remain committed, wouldn't it? oh, my sweet, sweet darling he laughed when you first voiced your worries. he held you in his hands, hugging you oh so tightly and pressed soft kisses on your shoulders to your neck. you see, he was worried to overwhelm you. from the moment he saw you, from your first encounter, he had already decided that you were his as he was yours. but if you were thinking such useless thoughts in your pretty head, you needed more validation, right? so he gave you just that. he spent millions, billions of mora to buy you expensive gifts, pretty things that reminded him of you. he would take you to snezhnaya to his family, showing you off and playfully claiming (or was he?) that you were his fiancée, the one he was promised to. he whispered words of love and promises of eternity each and every day, every moment you two locked eyes. the more you spent time with him, the fire in his eyes no longer seemed warm, it felt like it was burning you along inside. when his honey-laced voice confidently declared everlasting love, cuddling you and inhaling your scent that he would like to smell even on his death bed, you felt like his "eternal love" was more of a threat than you first assumed.

[ gaslightling / ignoring boundaries ] - venti has spent long, long lonely years in the physical form of his lost "partner". among those years in rapidly flowing time, he was not expecting to find someone possibly even dearer to him than his old friend. but oh his lovely, lovely muse, you were the embodiment of all the love songs he had ever heard in over his millenniums-long existence. but ah, just as he expected a relationship with a mortal came with many problems. he would hug you, kiss you, touch you any time of the day anywhere and giggle innocently in your ear- silently daring you to say no. if you did express your discomfort and voiced your problems with his overly-touchy behavior in the center of a blasting city in midday, he would just laugh and ignore your cute little protests. if you did emphasize and get angry or hurt over his little concern for your boundaries, he would be very confused. but this is what all lovers do, kiss, hug and all that! you're just being too sensitive, my muse. it's fine, no one cares what we do, i promise. he'd hum and hold you tight in his arms, just wanting to bask in your warmth as long as possible. he knew you wouldn't be by your side forever, he claimed. that's why he doesn't hold back, he explains further while holding your hands on his chest, that's why he never wants to be apart from you, because he loves you so much and wants to spend all of his time with you. it's fine love, i understand your boundaries! but you're just not used to receiving this affection dear, i'll teach you. it's fine, venti cooed in your ear with the softest, gentlest voice he can muster to tickle your fragile heart, to make you understand he is just doing this out of love, trapping you in his maze once again.

[ afraid of commitment / doesn't commit ] - kaeya was an enigma nobody could fully unravel, and he was all-too aware of it. he made sure to keep up that facade, after all. he had a lifelong mission, an unattended decision to make when the time has come. he had responsibilities, ones that would never ever end as long as he breathes, walks this godforsaken world but damn, he wanted you. he wanted you so bad, he wanted to whisper forever in your ear, he wanted to wipe your tears when you were struggling with nightmares (he was not a stranger to them too, the nightmares. but even that, even a trivial weakness like that, he didn't let you know.) , he wanted to wake up to you sleeping safe and sound next to him every single day. he didn't know what possessed him that day to accept your confession, maybe it was the liquor, maybe it was how beautiful the night skies were under the big tree of windrise combined with your pretty eyes avoiding his in embarrassment while uttering words of love- innocent, but truthful warm love for him, kaeya alberich. or maybe, just maybe because he truly loved you more than you ever knew, did he accept your confession with his signature coy smirk and teasing words. but kaeya was afraid now. he was afraid of how warm and fuzzy he felt around you, afraid of how all of his dreams (nightmares) were away for too long now. instead, each and every night he dreams of your featherlight kisses, your dazzling smile and your voice whispering i love you. if this keeps up, he knew all too well that his attention would be divided, that he would hurt you, him and everyone else around when the doomed time were to come. so he did you a favor, he convinced himself. kaeya smirked in that annoyingly fake, seductive way and declared that you were just not meant to be. he wouldn't say anything else and end your relationship with the same teasing smile on his lips. little did you know, the proud smirk fell the moment you left with teary eyes. he knew you wouldn't stay in mondstadt for long after that. at least for a while. he muttered to himself, at least for a while, you would be safe. safe from him. safe from the disaster he was cursed, obligated to cause one day.

[ anger issues / violence ] - scaramouche. where should you even start with him? oh the mighty harbinger balladeer, or should you even call him that? you scoffed, staring at the sunset in a mockingly beautiful estate he bought you on the land of inazuma- the one he was born- oh no, created in. he had multiple fancy estates, mansions bought under your name in each state of teyvat now, since you were to accompany him everywhere anytime he desired. you grimaced a bit at the stinging sensation when the servant girl wiped the lighting-shaped scar he had left you a while ago. it was still stinging, throbbing with tingles that made your stomach drop in uncertainty. a claim, a physical engraving over your body mind and soul, scaramouche claimed when he marked you with this... ugly scar. it might look like a normal lightning, similar to the electro vision shape if closely inspected. to some it may even look pretty, and that made you all the more upset. the o mighty balladeer was so flawless sometimes, apologizing to you in that sickeningly fake sweet voice, caressing your body gently with his "love" if he was even capable of such emotions. you silently cursed the day you fell in love with him and you felt forsaken now, since he claimed, and from then on miraculously "shared" your emotions. to him, he was doing everything to keep you, his pretty doll lover by his side. he didn't mind having your loving gaze on him, your pretty head full of his thoughts and most importantly, having someone who thought he was worth loving. someone who wouldn't abandon him. someone his. he would never let you go, he would love you, he would keep you by his side. that's what you agreed for from the start, didn't you? of course he sometimes lashed out, mildly harmed you mentally or physically from time to time and all, of course scaramouche understood that. he understood it well, he was not perfect after all- no one is! but if you try to talk to him about his flaws, he would laugh in your face as though you made a hilarious joke. who were you to say that to him? were you perfect? no you weren't - he would state each and every moment you defied his orders and made him dissatisfied, every single moment he remembered that you made the slightest bit of mistakes- but then in the end, stress that he kept you by his side even though you were such an ungrateful little "lover". he didn't abandon you, he didn't even harm you on purpose! he just left a physical engraving on you to wandering airheads who might think to touch what was his, what's wrong with labeling what is rightfully his? you offered yourself up to him, you said you loved him first, you started this. he was not going to let you slide so easily. his pretty, pretty little doll. all his, he murmured when he kissed your lightning scar on your thigh. love me, love me, love me more, my doll.

.

[yichens]

Atlas: Enneagram + DMBJ Characters (2/?) ↳ Type Six: Wang Pangzi

"Is that courage or faith to show up everyday? To trust that there will be light always waiting behind even the darkest of nights." x

@creatorsevents Recreate Your Creation: My old Enneagram + The Untamed -series x

if i was struggling to place wu xie, then wang pangzi gave me even more trouble. he could have fit with his brightness and brashness to type seven, and then with his equator tendencies even to type nine. i also hovered over type eight a lot. but i felt like type six still captured him the best as he is very much who wu xie (and many others) rely on when in a pinch. here some more thoughts:

the site i am using lists having security and support as the basic desires of type sixes. wang pangzi is a man who is very much like this: he likes having his loved ones close and comfortable. he wants ppl to have a good time and enjoy their peace as much as he wishes himself to be surrounded by such bliss to feel content.

"Sixes are the most loyal to their friends and to their beliefs. They will “go down with the ship” and hang on to relationships of all kinds far longer than most other types."

pangzi is ready to die for those he considers his. the moment he takes wu xie under his wing, it's ride or die with him. same goes for xiaoge and liu sang and xiao bai, and even to piaopiao and her daughter. for him, there is no leaving a friend behind – and this is why in reboot, he never gives up on curing wu xie. his belief, his whole trust, lies upon wu xie. he will even trust wu xie when the man doesn't trust himself (or when trusting wu xie is a bit insane as we see in sand sea). in this case, pangzi often projects the highest levels of development for his type. level three says:

"Dedicated to individuals and movements in which they deeply believe. Community builders: responsible, reliable, trustworthy. Hard-working and persevering, sacrificing for others, they create stability and security in their world, bringing a cooperative spirit."

all of this feels so fitting. even when we consider just the iron triangle, pangzi is the heart of them. he brings them together, in a different way wu xie brings them together. he's the one who keeps their hope burning and often gets everyone to work together when things threaten to fall apart. he has faith in everyone – or who do you think got everyone to cooperate in reboot so that they could go stop wu xie from jumping off a cliff by himself? no one else could do it but pangzi. he just has that effect on ppl.

with his deep belief, pangzi is also a rebel. he will get vocal about someone doing something wrong or about disagreeing on something. he isn't afraid to point out his own dissatisfaction or distaste, and even louder he gets if someone mistreats his friends. he doesn't really care if it's himself someone is bashing – but if someone dares to hurt someone he cares about, he will rain hell. he gains strength from those he has supporting himself and so he's fierce when protecting them.

it can be a double edged knife, however. the biggest fear sixes have is losing the support they've gotten for themselves, and as they often doubt themselves and their own capabilities, betrayal is hard for them to take. we don't often see pangzi's worse sides, not like we do with wu xie for example, but sometimes they do shine through. the level eight of this type's development scale says:

"[They are] feeling persecuted, that others are "out to get them," they lash-out and act irrationally, bringing about what they fear. Fanaticism, violence."

i think the closest example, from what i can think of, is the moment in ultimate note when pangzi lashes out at panzi and xiaoge. it's said to be the effect of devil's city but it must come from somewhere inside of pangzi himself. he gets very worked up about being questioned and doubted, and feels utterly betrayed especially by xiaoge who doesn't take his side. another sign of this i think is the moment in reboot when pangzi learns about wu xie's sickness – and especially the fact that wu xie a) had not planned on telling him and b) had still told xiaoge. he feels that his trust has been misplaced or that he isn't seen worthy of as strong trust in return. he feels his support pillar crumbling and then turns into doubting himself and his worth which lead to anger.

when it comes to other traits he has, i thought about type seven bc of his positivity and love for life and its small joys. i would even go as far as placing his wing into seven (named "the buddy") bc he very much has that playful and humorous side to himself. we all love him for his endless jokes and optimism. type nine i see in the ways he wants to keep the harmony between his group of friends. type eight steps in in his tendency to not avoid confrontation. and even type two might be there somewhere, especially in his cooking. that is his way of taking care of people, his language of love, and it feels very much like a type two thing.

[a-lil-perspective]

Interspersed

A/N: Here’s a lil Tech X Reader drabble I wrote while doing a big sad over the weekend. Also to rectify the disgraceful lack of Tech content on my blog. Also also, to utilize a beloved Hamilton quote from my prompt list. Anywho. Soft Tech drabble in which Tech is sleepy and suddenly questions his own intelligence. A very big mood. Not to worry; the S/O is here to help. :)

He’s doing it again.

Another day turned to night, with no end in sight.

Another project, another fixation, another night the bed is cold and stiff. Another leave he doesn’t spend with you.

“Tech.”

He doesn’t tear his attention away from his work, makes no acknowledgment to your call. He’s positively hyper-fixated, and if he wasn’t troubled, he’d be in trouble, surely.

With the sound of your perturbed tapping somewhere off to his right, Tech rather nervously concludes he still might be.

He thinks you won’t see it. That if you’re fussing over the proficiency of his hands and the hunch of his shoulders, you won’t see the way his mind is racing, burning fumes. The way he’s… struggling. He’s a reputation to uphold, and this engineer simply can’t comprehend letting you marvel over anything other than his ingenuity. Certainly not of any mental ailment. Struggles are merely a kink in the neurotransmitters that with a little self-convincing, can be plucked out and overcome with all haste.

But that is merely the science behind it.

“I wonder how long you keep ignoring me before I start a betting pool from it. Don’t think I won’t, either.”

Tech bites his lip at that, hollowing his cheeks with an expression vaguely reminiscent of a scolded child. He can’t bring himself to respond, and a surreal frustration boils because of it. He always has something to say, words filling the space effortlessly. He should apologize, should reason, should rebuttal with something painstakingly factual—

But if he says what’s on his mind he’ll spill something that’s terribly insensible, and even more terrible:

Insecure.

Even still, Tech’s thoughts often broadcast far, far too loudly for his liking.

“Am I a capable person?”

It feels like such a trivial thing; silly, even. Of course he is capable, his title alone is a testament to such. These are inquiries not to be mused aloud, in Tech’s informed opinion.

You blink in confusion. “The most capable person I know.”

Tech says nothing at that, relying on the methods you use to upend him and on the ways you speak for him when he won’t—which is ironic, given that his every waking moment is spent talking, talking over you... and about you. However it’s widely known of the way he verbally shrivels away when his burdens require him to divert all of his energy to upholding the strain. Perhaps he’s more predictable than he’d like to admit.

Perhaps that’s why these feelings manifested in the first place, flourishing in his chest until they’ve become this far too constraining thing for even the brightest engineer.

“How are you certain?”

How are you not? you nearly ask. Instead, you arch a brow. “What is this about?”

There’s only the mechanical hum-drum of the hangar for a long moment.

“I feel inadequate,” is all he says.

“What in the kriff for?” You’re utterly baffled, gaping crudely no doubt. Tech can’t tear his eyes away from the project splayed out before him. It’s just randomized parts, really. Much like the current state of his headspace.

“I… experience a sense of dissatisfaction with my work, and everything that pertains to it.”

You shake your head slowly, unable to fathom where this is all coming from. For Tech, it’s unprecedented.

You frown, and then your lips pull down even further when you realize that he can’t even see it; he won’t look at you, and it’s maddening. “Well I experience a sense of dissatisfaction over the way you’re too hard on yourself and the way you won’t ever take a break unless someone forces you. Seriously, do you know what time it is—”

“No, you don’t understand, there is… more to it,” he murmurs conspiratorially, his face scrunching.

You open and close your mouth, now at a loss. The desire to grant him peace of mind is overwhelming; all you can dwell on. Tech is this whirlwind of coding that you all-too-easily get swept up in. He’s every foreign language accumulated in the databanks. He’s the answer to questions, and the questions to every answer. More often than not, it’s a challenge to keep pace. But one you wouldn’t trade for anything.

You soften, stepping closer to him. “Then help me understand.”

He purses his lips, considering.

“I fear that when it comes down to it, I do not perform as well as I could—as well as I should.”

Your steel your posture. “Tech. Your contributions are invaluable—you’re invaluable. To your squad, your brothers. To me.”

“I sometimes wonder if it is enough.”

“It is. You are enough.”

Chapped lips pressed to a grim line, the rim of his goggles ever so slightly inching down the bridge of his nose, Tech twitches at your touch to his armored forearm. He blinks hard in an attempt to alleviate the burn in his retinas forged from an unrelenting stare at things he’d rather not examine but does anyway. His hands have fallen slack in defeat against the table before him.

You gently turn his ragged body away from the workbench because Maker knows a hyper-fixated Tech has to be herded like a baby Shaak to get any coordinated movement from him in such state. You keep a firm hand braced along his upper arm and turn his face to yours, cupping his cheek.

“I don’t pretend to know the challenges you’re facing, the worlds you keep erasing and creating in your mind. But I’m not afraid. I’m not worried. You shouldn’t be, either. Just let me stay by your side. That would be enough for tonight.”

The engineer finally brings deprived eyes up to yours. He extends a gloved hand out, soot-coated and all, and you take it with all eagerness, squeezing tightly. It always amazes you, the way he can piece together inventions and desecrate standards to formulate his own, paving a path far brighter than anything someone else could conjure up in their wildest dreams. The way he’s so unapologetically himself.

Except for now.

“I... apologize for pushing you away. That was not my intent. I suppose I am not too well-versed in emotional discovery—yet.” His determined smile almost overrides the crackling of his voice. Almost. He takes a deep breath, giving your hand a squeeze and continuing on at the reassuring one he receives back. “But... I would like you to be here with me. Very much so.”

You reciprocate the smile, and with a free hand you ruffle through his unruly tuffs, a stray chuckle escaping you at the sight.

“Well. I’d much rather be in bed with you than standing here,” you gesture to his less-than-ideal work surroundings in the isolated part of a mostly vacant hangar. Tech looks longingly to his project that’s more busywork than an actual project, sighing.

“Soon—”

“Has become now,” you gently chide.

“My work—”

“Will be there when you wake up. But more importantly, so will I. Rest now.”

With that you pull him along, ignoring his endless excuses and refutes, and the way he reaches out for his tools like a child and his beloved toy he can’t bear to part with.

You lead him out and towards the barracks, to your quarters, with Tech undressing in small increments along the way after he quit grousing under his breath. It’s futile; he knows your resolve is unshakeable. It’s a deduction he made long ago, in a sweet past that feels but a dream now. But then he looks over to you and remembers that it’s still very much an active dream. One that a part of him aches at the very thought of ever waking up from.

By the time you make it to the door, Tech’s helmet is tucked under his arm, turned up like a literal bucket, his gauntlets and other small armor components resting inside. A resourceful man through and through, with not a care in the world as to whether or not anyone stumbles upon his oddities. Public perception has never been a priority for Tech. So ahead of his time, ahead of the game.

You get cozy once inside, freeing yourself from a constricting uniform while carefully eyeing Tech in the doorway for signs of instability—it wouldn’t be the first time he’s nearly collapsed from exhaustion while removing his armor, utilizing his last ounce of strength left at whatever ungodly hour he’s finally reeled in.

Stripped to his blacks, Tech flops onto the bed and nestles against you, sprawled at an awkward angle with his head resting on your bare thighs. He wraps a tired arm around the circumference and squeezes like it’s that of a pillow. He’s got you in a vise-like grip, and you can’t help the snort it pulls from you.

“Why do you do this to yourself.” You caress his face with the back of your hand, gently scrutinizing the quivering Commando who’s now faced with the side-effects of potent caf shots he very much has an addiction to. They always hit him hardest once coming to a full stop in his endeavors, no longer masked by the methodical fidget of limbs hard at work. You feel his lips curl into a frown as his body involuntarily trembles.

“Do, what?”

You stifle a yawn, grappling for the blanket at the foot of your bed and draping it over the two of you; he’s chilled. “Fight like you’re running out of time,” a flick to his expanse of forehead. “Doubt that big brain of yours.”

Tech shoots upright, damn-near colliding his head with your inclined chin. “Technically, intelligence does not equate to a larger brain mass, at least not in us humans—”

“Stop talking,” you hum, pressing him back to your leg and batting away the fatigue rapidly seeping over you. You stroke up and down the corded muscles of his back to ease him out of the shakes.

Tech falls silent but only for a moment, revisiting the question that you both already know the answer to. He traces random, unsteady shapes over his pillow. “I do it for you, you know.”

“But you do it at the cost of yourself. And... of us.”

There’s a pervading sadness to your words, and it tugs at Tech. “I strive to be the best I can, for you and my brothers, and the mission.” It sounds like such a wormy excuse in his ears.

You lean forward, hair strands lurching with to kiss his cheek as you press your lips to the shell of his ear. “Be the best you can for you. Just stay alive. That would be enough.”

Tech squints contemplatively. With effort, he reaches up to rest a hand on your cheek. “Well then I must respectfully request the same of you.”

“Oh I will, don’t you worry about that,” you smile down at him, fingers carding through his hair as your gaze flits somewhere far away. “We’re smart. We’ll make it.”

“I’m smart?”

As if he needs you to tell him that.

You scoff but it’s not heavy. “You know you are.”

“But what is ‘smart’?”

Either he’s pulling your leg (literally) or getting all philosophical on you, and in either case: exhaustion and a distant validation have successfully taken the reins in the conversation.

You roll your eyes. “I’m looking at him.”

The goggled member smirks. “Is he good looking?”

There’s this rare side of Tech that shines through in his hedge of exhaustion. It’s delightfully loony, one of those seldom instances where the precocious engineer retains his fleeting youth through fatigue-driven giggles and caricature expressions. It’s a lovely thing you don’t get to experience often, but when you do, you milk it for all its worth.

A playful swat to his backside. “Handsomest thing I’ve ever seen. The smartest, in fact,” you purr, thoroughly humoring him but also believing in him; the sum of your playfulness and your full endorsement. You sweep your hair out of his face, resting your forehead against his.

“What would I do without you...” he murmurs against the skin of your leg, lids fluttering heavily, drunk with exhaustion and undying appreciation. His goggles lie crookedly affixed to his face, which makes the entire sight that more endearing.

“Excellent question, Tech; what would you do without me?” You gingerly remove his corrective eyewear and set it atop the nightstand. Tech’s toothy, lopsided grin is truly a sight to behold. He ponders for a second, then lazily shrugs one blanketed shoulder.

“I’d never get tucked in.”

[cutie1365]

Winchester Part 2/4

Pairing: Sherlock x Winchester!Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Violence, language, blood

A/N: Part 1 can be found on my masterlist, which is in my bio! If you’d like to be tagged in this or any of my works, there’s a link in my bio to a google form. If you comment to be added, I’ll add you, but sometimes the notification gets lost.

Any and all feedback is welcome and encouraged :)

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Your brothers were set to arrive any minute now after hopping on the first flight they could get out of Kansas. John accompanied you in picking them up from the airport, as Sherlock still thought this whole thing was ridiculous, and you couldn’t exactly blame him. Sure, it sounded crazy, it’s downright biblical, but you had known better than to doubt the existence of such beings.

“Are those your brothers?” John asked, turning to you with a raised brow as he saw the two men approaching with their sights set on you.

“Yup.” You smiled, it’s been years since you’ve seen them, even though they check in every few months.

“Jesus, I didn’t know you were part giant,” John laughed, pausing for a moment before turning to you with a more serious tone, “Wait, are giants real too?”

“Don’t be silly John,” You laughed, and he looked relieved, “Dragons are though.”

“No way.” He deadpanned.

“They’ve got a thing for virgins.” You nodded.

“Now you’re just playing with me.” He shook his head, and you smiled to make him think you were joking... and you really wished you were.

The boys had made it out of the gate and you ran and jumped into Dean’s arms as he dropped his duffel bag.

“There’s my girl.” He chuckled, hugging you and spinning you around.

“Sammy!” You hugged him next, you saw him eyeing your injuries with a sad smile. He wanted you to get out of this life. Hell, he’d even helped you get out of it, and here you were, right back at square one.

You were smiling wide, glad to be back with your family when you saw Dean eyeing the man next to you.

“Oh, this is my friend John Watson. John these are my brothers Sam and Dean.” You introduced them, pointing between your brothers as they moved to shake John’s hand.

“So what’s the plan?” Sam asked as they gathered their bags and you began to walk outside to hail a cab.

“We’ve been doing some research and triangulating local news clippings and sightings. We may have a location. Sherlock’s at Scotland Yard looking into if there’s been any other suspicious murders in the area that could help us lock down their hunting ground. He’ll meet us back at the flat after we get any supplies we need.” You explained, as the boys followed you and you raised your hand out into the street, a black cab stopping and pulling over for you.

“Good, we’ll get to work.” Sam nodded.

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With duffel bags freshly filled with supplies for the hunt, Dean and Sam followed you up the stairs to 221B Baker Street.

From the top of the stairs you could see Sherlock in his usual chair, donning a white dress shirt and black pants, with a file open on his lap. As he saw you enter the room he closed the file and stood to greet you and your new guests.

“Did you find any more?” You pointed to the file in his hands.

“Two stabbings with the same weapon, bodies found this morning on opposite sides of London, no apparent connection between the victims.” Sherlock handed you the file, you furrowed your brows as you flipped it open and read it, before realizing your brothers were still silently standing behind you waiting to be introduced.

“Shit, sorry. Sherlock these are my brothers Sam and Dean. Boys, this is Sherlock Holmes.” You motioned between them, before drawing your attention back to the files.

You looked up to see Dean giving Sherlock a dirty look that was no doubt meant to threaten him since you hadn’t introduced him as a friend like you did with John. No matter how old you got, he’d always be your protective older brother. You slyly elbowed him in the ribs, and he cracked a smile as he shook Sherlock’s hand.

“These kills look nothing like the first,” You flipped through the photos included in the files, “I mean, the weapon is the same. Looks like an angel blade, but they’re so much more... violent, messy. Overkill.”

Sherlock nodded in agreement as you handed the file to your brothers. Sam took it and began scouring the pages.

“You just had to go and piss off some demons, huh?” Dean raised a brow after seeing the bloody photos.

“Yes Dean, because I did this on purpose.” You said sarcastically, with a roll of your eyes.

“I’m just saying.” Dean shrugs.

“Bitch.” You shook your head at him.

“Jerk.” He retorted with the common reply shared by the three of you.

“You’re just cranky because you hate flying.” You put your hands on your hips and smirked at him.

“I’m not cranky.” He whined, causing you to raise a brow in a sort of are you sure about that? kind of way.

“Oh yes you are,” you chuckled, “Come on, let’s get you some coffee.”

Dean followed you into the kitchen as you began gathering a few mugs and pouring the black liquid from the pot into them. Dean’s eyes danced around all the scientific equipment in the kitchen.

“Does Dr. fucking Frankenstein live here?” He asked, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Whatever you do, don’t open the freezer.” You handed him his coffee with a smirk.

“That’s a joke right, please tell me you’re joking.” He called after you as you left the kitchen without another word, praying he didn’t stumble upon the fingers in the freezer. While he looked like a tough guy, he was a little squeamish when it came to dismemberment.

As you reentered the living room you smiled at the sight of John and Sam chatting and organizing all the supplies. It was nice to see them getting along, and John not thinking this entire operation was crazy. You approached Sherlock’s chair and handed him the cup you’d prepared just the way he likes it - black, two sugars. He accepted it with a smile as you sat in the wooden ‘client chair’ that had been pulled next to him.

“What are you thinking about?” You asked softly.

He hesitated for a second, likely deciding how honest he wanted to be in his reply.

“That we may just have a serial killer on our hands who’s escalating and devolving.” He answered, and you nodded.

“In a way you’re right.” You smiled, you knew this wasn’t easy for him to understand. You weren’t mad that he was sceptical. Hell, you would be too if you didn’t grow up the way you did.

“Hmm.” He hummed in dissatisfaction as you stood up and smiled, placed a hand on his arm reassuringly, giving him a little squeeze, before walking back towards the kitchen.

You sat at the counter flipping through the files once more, making sure there wasn’t anything you were all missing. You didn’t like walking into a hunt unprepared. There were only so many things you could control, and you never wanted lack of research to cause your downfall.

The four men were gathering the final supplies together in the living room, preparing to leave soon.

John had noticed Sam’s tattoo as they were moving things around.

“What’s it mean?” John pointed to his own collar bone, really just trying to make conversation.

“Anti-possession sigil,” Dean explained as they pulled down the collar of their shirt to expose their warding tattoos, “We’ve all got one.”

“Y/N doesn’t have any tattoos.” Sherlock shook his head, causing everyone to turn to you with wide eyes.

You almost choked on your coffee, before placing the glass down. Your brothers raised a brow at you, both for different reasons. Sam was worried, you could tell.

You sighed, turning towards the group and pulling your shirt and bra strap down your shoulder, exposing the bare untattooed skin. Sam worried once you got out of that life, you would have done something stupid like try to get it removed, leaving you vulnerable.

You took one more glance at Sherlock, hoping he wouldn’t think any different of you. He looked on with furrowed brows, watching hesitantly.

You rubbed your fingers hard against your skin, slowly revealing the tattoo below, covered with makeup. Your eyes met Sams and he looked relieved.

“What?” Sherlock came closer to examine the tattoo, how had he not noticed it before? Him of all people? He raised his finger to brush against the tinted skin, imagining the pain the needle must have caused. You weren’t the type of person to get a tattoo, you hated needles and he knew this. So the fact that you put yourself through that wasn’t to be taken lightly.

He backed away cautiously, obviously deep in thought. This didn’t mean he believed you yet, but he did have a lot of questions, per usual.

As Sam went over the plan with John and Sherlock once more, Dean approached you as you pulled your shirt back up your shoulder.

“Don’t think we’re not gonna talk about how he knew that.” Dean tilted his head and gave you a disapproving look.

“Dean...” You sighed, you were an adult, you shouldn’t have to explain yourself.

“So is it serious?” He glazed back towards Sherlock who was listening intently to Sam.

“Can we not do this now?” You whispered, not wanting them to overhear.

“Is it?” Dean asked once more, his tone more demanding.

“Yes, ok. I wouldn’t have dragged him into this mess if it wasn’t.” You shook your head, a pang of guilt rushing through you. You knew if any of them got hurt today, it was on your head.

“I don’t think he’s taking this seriously.” Dean shook his head, noticing how Sherlock’s not been the most active in the preparations for the hunt, and you couldn’t blame him.

“He’s a graduate chemist and a detective. He relies on science and facts. We can’t just expect him to believe in fairy tales with no proof.” You tried to explain, but Dean wasn’t exactly convinced.

---------------------------------------------------------------

The five of you stood outside an empty warehouse on the outskirts of the city that you had traced to be their hideout. They were demons on the run, rogues, they couldn’t risk blending in anymore. They had to lay low.

“We sure this is the place?” Dean asked with a raised brow.

“It’s our best shot.” Sam nodded.

“You ready?” Dean turned back to you and asked, eyeing Sherlock and John behind you.

“Let’s go.” You cocked the shotgun Dean had given you with special salt filled bullets.

You turned back to Sherlock and John one last time before you went in.

“Try to stay behind me, but shoot if you have to.” You instructed them, Dean had given them some bullets he’d made with holy water in them that fit into the guns they already own. They nodded, realizing this was really about to happen.

Sam kicked down the door of the warehouse, the boys taking lead. Two demons bolted up from their chairs at a makeshift table in the middle of the room. At least you had the element of surprise on your side, they weren’t expecting you. While their vessels were new, their eyes immediately turned black, and you knew you were in the right place. They looked worried, they knew they were outnumbered.

One immediately ran at you, and you fired your shotgun. The salt burned into his chest. It slowed him down, but it also pissed him off. He ran at you once more, while you pulled an iron knife from your waistband. As he charged at you, you buried the knife into his abdomen and twisted as he screamed in pain, the iron burning his skin.

He fell back onto the floor and you were able to pin him down, holding the iron blade against his neck as he squirmed.

“Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus,” You began to mutter the exorcism in Latin, angering him even more.

The demon kicked you off of him, sending you flying into the wooden table they were sitting as when you came in. You held your head for a moment as your vision blurred. You tried to focus and center yourself, as you saw the demon charge towards you once more. Your gun sat on the floor a few feet away as you tried to reach for it in time. When your head turned you heard a shot ring out, and whipped your head back. Sherlock had his arm raised, still pointing his gun at the demon who screamed in pain again. The holy water hurt him, but it didn’t kill him.

You turned to see that your brothers had trapped his partner in a salt circle, and Sam was now exorcising him. You made eye contact with Dean and he nodded, tossing you Ruby’s demon killing knife. You jumped to your feet, catching the blade and charging at the demon before you in one swift movement.

He must have realized what you were holding. You lunged at him, blade extended, you braced for impact. But the moment before the knife sunk into his chest, the demon escaped from his vessel. A black cloud swirling out of his mouth and disappearing into the night.

“Dammit!” You yelled, ripping the knife out of the already deceased vessel.

Sam and Dean turned around at the sound of your voice. You turned to see they had successfully exorcised the other demon, sending him back to hell. Crowley wouldn’t go easy on a rogue who wasn’t following his orders, his fate was sealed.

“You good?” Dean asked, offering you a hand as you sat on the floor next to the unmoving body.

“I had him.” You growled, placing your hand in Deans and letting him pull you to your feet.

“We’ll find him, don’t worry.” Sam tried to reassure you, but you shook your head in anger, not wanting to listen to him coddle you.

“What the hell just happened?” John asked with wide eyes, unsure of what he just witnessed.

“We got one of them, but the other left his vessel and escaped. He could be miles away by now.” Dean explained, wiping some blood from his lip where the dead demon’s fist had caught him.

“So what do we do now?” Sherlock asked, putting his gun away.

“Back to square fucking one.” You huffed, pushing through the group of men and back towards the entrance of the warehouse.

Obviously you were angry, you had him on the ropes. He was right there, but you couldn’t finish the job.

Sherlock raised an eyebrow to Sam, silently questioning if he should go after you. He’d never seen you like this. He’s never seen you fire a gun, let alone fight like that and stab a man... twice. This was a whole new side of you, one he understood why you kept hidden. He wanted to make sure you were ok.

Sam shook his head, raising a hand to stop Sherlock from moving. He knew how you got after a hunt that didn’t go as planned,  and no one deserved to be on the receiving end of that fight. It was best if they let you be, they’d learned that lesson the hard way many years ago. It seems as though all these years have passed, nothing really changed.

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Taglist in reblog. Masterlist in bio.

[theholycovenantrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, HINA! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED FOR THE ROLE OF VIKTORIA.

Admin Cas: Hina, I cannot express how delighted we are that you’ve brought us our visionary, our architect, our Viktoria — at long last! You captured them perfectly: from their innate dissatisfaction, to their restless desire, to the inevitability shared between God’s four apocalyptic creations. I think your para sample was a real stand-out for me; you slotted Famine so effortlessly amongst the other Horsemen and you grasped the nature of the relationship between them all so perfectly that it really feels like you’ve been here with us from the start. Your application was such a treat to read, and I’m beyond excited to see what restlessness the two of you’ll unleash upon us! Please create and send in your account, review the information on our CHECKLIST, and follow everyone on the FOLLOW LIST. Welcome to the Holy Land!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Hina

Age | 24

Personal Pronouns | She/her

Activity Level |  6/10 - full-time student so activity level will fluctuate.

Timezone | GMT

Triggers | REMOVED.

How did you find the group?  | through the lsrpg tags

Current/Past RP Accounts | REMOVED.

IN CHARACTER

Character | Viktoria/Famine

What drew you to this character?

So, I have this personal rule where I don’t apply to roleplays that have already started because I get this intense feeling of FOMO, but I kept coming back to Viktoria and was genuinely so surprised that they hadn’t been taken yet. I feel like she was waiting for me to take them up haha.

But on a more serious note, the Horsemen fascinate me like no other faction in this roleplay. There’s something about the bond that they have that surpasses ties of family, love or even just emotion in general. They are bound by their own inevitability as a singular entity and together as a four. Yet, while the Four Horsemen are similar in a lot of ways, with their once shared purpose and existence, Viktoria’s innate dissatisfaction with everything aside from their own creations struck me as something unique that sets them apart from their brethren. If anything their ability to feed on that appetite that she craves has given them the ability to construct and build on a level that is almost, quite literally, God-like. It’s this and the fact that she was created first - not distinct from the other Horsemen because of this reason, they all were formed from a part of God Himself - but Viktoria’s presence, their sheer essence was present and mulling in souls for eons before God created Viktoria and then the rest followed in an instance. While the Horsemen are linked together and will follow each other for the rest of time, I want to explore these two aspects especially in this New World and how Famine’s very nature creates either a fracture between them all or binds them ever closer together.

What also really interests me is the path she taken in this plain, not just as a Mercenary of sorts, but the almost unconscious path she has taken in moulding those that possess that same aching hunger as them. I think for Viktoria this has filled the hole in them ever so slightly after leaving everything she created in Purgatory. But for Viktoria, as I touched on a little before, it’s this dissatisfaction that consistently comes into play which she also projects onto other people. I think if she sees potential in someone, especially if she sees something that matches their level that same restless desperation rises in them of seeking, finding and almost taming them to their own very high standards.

What future plots do you have in mind for the character?

I imagine Viktoria’s future plot lines to be largely based around several other characters in the roleplay, especially that of the other Horsemen, but there are several directions I can see Viktoria going in:

i. Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth - the Horsemen’s Purpose

What is really interesting is that one of things that bound the Four Horsemen together is their shared purpose in bringing about the Apocalypse. While their paths may have drifted while in Purgatory, I feel that Viktoria, and potentially the others too, would have relished in there not being a fracture of planes, but an even greater expanse which fulfilled all of their aspirations, an Apocalypse which changed the very fabric of Life itself.

But with that purpose being robbed from them and having been thrust into the mortal plane, not only does this reduce the power that they hold, but I would argue this weakens the bond that they have together. The occupation that they all currently hold, being killers for hire, is a much more solitary occupation than what they were first created for. I think that despite the fact that their planning and preparation is done together, there is a chance that as their personal desires and aims grow through connections with other characters in the roleplay (Viktoria’s specific circumstance I will touch on next), I can see a rift forming between the four of them if that is at all possible. Viktoria’s particular desire for power to create the world in their own image doesn’t trump the bond that she shares with the other Horsemen though. I can imagine that there is a tipping point where Viktoria has a number of paths that she can take for their own benefit, but ever the tactician she is, she would recognise that the power they have together can achieve so much more than splitting off on her own.

Building on the prior point, I also think with the way that the New Order was created, Viktoria imagines there to be another Apocalypse, she can feel the hunger, the aching starvation and the loss of control and I think its only a matter of time before the Horsemen capitalise on it if they don’t get sidetracked.

ii. I am coming quickly; hold fast what you have, so that no one will take your crown - Viktoria + Michael

The connection between Viktoria and Michael is something that I can see going further and absolutely shaking the New World in its entirety.

Viktoria from all of their time manipulating people’s emotions is very much aware of the need and desire that is clawing away at Michael, the fascination that Michael has when he looks upon her. Famine is unable to feel emotion in the same way, but I do think she is able to replicate and even imitate them based on eons of feeling and experiencing those of others around them. I think depending on how their relationship forms in the future, I could see an alliance struck between the two.

However, I think the above depends on other factors:

If the relationship between Michael and the other Arkangels dissolves completely, it could serve as an in for the Horsemen as a collective through Viktoria to go about fulfilling their preordained purpose (or a new one)

Alternatively, if the relationship between Michael and the other Arkangels dissolves completely AND the relationship between Viktoria and the other Horsemen dissolves as well, I can imagine Viktoria’s allegiances and desires turn towards the throne that Michael sits upon for the power it holds in order for her to form what she wants

iii) You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment - killer for hire

Something I want to explore as a plot point is Viktoria’s role as an assassin. As this is something that they and the other Horsemen do as a collective I can imagine them having devised a very clear dichotomy between the roles that each of them play when carrying out a job. Because of Viktoria’s role as a tactician, a creator, a diplomat, I can imagine them not wanting to sully their own hands with the act of taking someone else’s life, but I think also she sees it as beneath them so she somewhat relies on the expertise of the others to carry out the actually act of the job successfully.

As a result of this, I really want there to be an instance where Viktoria is forced or compelled to kill as I think this juxtaposes quite heavily with who she is and would be really interesting to see how it plays out.

iv) A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance - emotions

Throughout this app I’ve mentioned emotions, specifically how Viktoria does not have in. To expand and clarify this, I want to say that Famine doesn’t have any. Famine wasn’t created with the intention of feeling anything but an aching sense of hunger for the Apocalypse. I would even say the dissatisfied, restless emotion she experiences is something that has developed in them. I would like to think thought that since the New Order has been created causing Purgatory to fracture, the price in a way of taking up a mortal name, Viktoria, and almost reducing themselves to the level of a mortal woman has led to Viktoria experiencing their own emotions as well as manipulating other people’s. I think this would really complicate future events or perhaps Viktoria and the other Horsemen would recognise this and attempt to come up with a plan to speed up their agenda depending on the way these emotions were affecting them as a group.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character?

My short answer is yes I would be comfortable with killing off Viktoria.

Long answer that I think warrants some thought before she is killed off:

The death of one of the Horsemen is actually really interesting because in theory they should be dying/dead because they are an embodiment of God in some form. I think this is down to their inevitability and the inevitability of their purpose. So while I believe Viktoria or Ryuk or Nerissa or Dmitri can die I don’t think it’s possible to kill off Famine or Death or War or Conquest.

I think this is the reason why I would want there to be more consideration on the whys and hows if Viktoria is to die. Famine will remain, in the hunger, the starvation and the dissatisfaction that will take hold in others, or with Viktoria’s death something else to replace them will form and be Famine or even take its place.

The death of Viktoria will also change the dynamic of the Horsemen, of which their purpose of bringing about the Apocalypse will be lost, which would be interesting depending on the direction the roleplay goes in.

IN DEPTH

Driving Character Motivation

Right now I think Viktoria’s ultimate desire which also serves as a motivator is to vanquish this restless hunger that’s consuming them once and for all. I think since God created Viktoria and the rest of the Horsemen without a real motivator in mind, she’s found in the eons that she’s been living, the power of creation abates it the most because its only through Viktoria’s own work that she can truly feel the satisfaction that she craves. I think this dissatisfaction spills over in her view of other people which is she wants to mould those, especially those with potential to fit around their standards so she can feed off of it.

Ultimately, its because of the Horsemen’s collective lack of purpose that makes Viktoria motivated to seek out power not only to help their own agenda with potentially bringing about an Apocalypse this time round, but to seek out opportunities in which she can go further than she ever did with their creations in Purgatory with their brethren by their side. I think this will also define Viktoria as less of a person with a mortal’s name but as where she rightfully thinks she should be; Famine, the ever present hunger, starvation and ache that claws through those lesser.

Character Traits

+ Calm: One of the reasons why Viktoria makes a good diplomat and is the one that represents the Horsemen on the political stage is their ability to remain calm and collected and convey the Horsemen’s position and aspirations in a favourable light. She is someone that is easily admirable just as she is formidable. I would say it is because of their calm nature that sets her apart as a leader over the aggressive and war-hungry Nerissa. Viktoria is someone who also never angers easily, preferring to state a few words that have meaning or else say nothing at all and let her plans and actions do the talking.

+ Cunning: Viktoria’s ability to create and map out what she wants and where she wants it makes them impressive in itself, but coupled with their ability to formulate to their and their brethren’s advantage is a skill that is valued highly when plotting to their own agenda and also when carrying out their kills. Viktoria is a long-term strategist preferring to wait and consider their options before striking out with the best one.

+ Instinctive: Viktoria has eons to not only study the emotions of others, but actually feel them through the abilities she possesses. It’s because of this that she has become extremely emotionally aware and is able to more or less tell what sort of emotions are being drawn up in the other person. This has been insightful when it comes to plotting their next marks.

Restless: Viktoria is someone who wants results and she wants them immediately to the highest of standards. Any task that she feels she can do better themselves she’ll do it, but the idea of delegating to someone that isn’t of the same calibre as them irritates them. She has little, if any patience for incompetence. One of the few people she trusts is their fellow Horsemen. I think this restless, easily irritable nature, however, doesn’t win them any points amongst the other factions and especially not the other Horsemen who have to be the literal embodiment of perfection before a good word is uttered by Viktoria.

Manipulative: Every move Viktoria makes and every action that she takes isn’t without an ulterior motive that is there to benefit them or the Horsemen. Its because of this that most people know that Viktoria isn’t one to be trusted no matter how convincing their silver tongue can be.

Unemotional: While Viktoria is able to replicate or even mimic emotion, Viktoria possesses no emotion of their own. Perhaps its because of the way the God created them, with raw starvation and savageness in His mind, or spending many a century deep in the depths of Purgatory, she is unable to express may of the core emotions that others seem to have. Even with the other Horsemen, there’s something innate, almost a primal bond that binds Viktoria with them, perhaps the closest semblance to love she’ll ever be able to feel. Although this is something that I see changing with the length of time she is spending in the Mortal Realm.

In-Character Para Sample

i.

Famine turned to the sharp, jagged opening, their eyes steely and focused on their destination ahead. Their brethren beside them, with the same look of determination frozen onto their faces. Famine newly formed, newly arrived knew almost intrinsically that these three were instrumental to their success. Their joint success of bringing about the destruction of the Worlds that He had created, for where there was creation, there would be a a slow degradation that the Four were feeding off of long before their conception.

Famine looked upon the jagged piece of cut air, the friction lined with a sliver of gold a beacon that did not serve as their waiting room before they were unleashed upon God’s Earth. They stepped in together, a cold rage burning in the pit of their hollow stomach, as they stared at the bleak expanse of space full of the lingering tortured souls that had not managed to reach Heaven or Hell. It wasn’t as if Famine would have rather been amongst their Creator’s other subjects in either of the other two realms. The mere glimpse of Heaven and its blinding light was just as dull to them as its inhabitants. Famine could sense their brethren’s pursuit for other tasks as she moved forward with their own. What would she make of the expanse in front of them? What purpose did it serve if they were meant to lay here in wait for the downfall of everything that was holy, everything that was impure and everything in between? And what was she supposed to do here? Famine was no mere mortal and the place they were in was not Eden. She could not and would not pluck the metaphorical apple from the tree and take a bite to give them free will. No. Famine had a purpose, they all did. And so she would stay in the deepest of recesses of hunger, laying in want with a need to be fed and a desire of more from their very existence.

And so she wandered the realm’s depths, Famine, who was created from a starved piece of flesh, who was ordered to carry out the end of all of His creations and cast away along with their brothers and sister until the time was right did what she was told. Until she didn’t. With God’s gaze above, managing His unruly subjects, Famine chose to set themselves on their own path. Manifesting their dissatisfaction into something tangible into something that she could taste, something that she could feel. Famine had to barely reach out from the depths of their mind to weave together an image of their own design. She wondered as she crafted and composed the dilapidated pillars of their glass fortress one day whether it was the divinity in them that allowed them to formulate and construct the way that she did. But Famine need only have taken a step back and gazed upon their crooked kingdom to see that the power that she possessed was entirely their own.

ii.

Viktoria descended from, Albtraum, their gaunt skeletal steed, just outside of the building in which they knew their brethren sat waiting for their arrival. She caressed the curve of his starved face in what can only be described as affectionate if it was at all possible for them to feel such an emotion. Viktoria had taken to travelling to The Holy Hall on their creature, it was purely political after all. It was essential that the factions remembered the Horsemen’s status amongst them all, the last thing she wanted for them was their own place in the house of cards to topple, like Creator, like Created.

She walked up the steps to the dimly lit hall they were sat in, their gaze took them in, each a handful of chaos and each far too complacent with the New Order than she had liked. It was one thing following them out of their vision of Purgatory to the opaque opulence of this plain to then be reduced as a collective, as mere remnants of God’s corporeality. No. Viktoria wouldn’t let their descent go any further. She would feed Ryuk with as many decimations as he desired, she would work in Nerissa’s bloodlust and settle Dmitri’s whims in their plans if it meant that they would follow in their ascent. They only needed time and patience and resilience so she could work to mould and manipulate the upper echelons of government. They all knew better, as Viktoria did with them, to go against their unrivalled ability to formulate.

Viktoria nodded at each, in respect, before taking a seat at the table, waiting for one to speak with the burning questions that she knew they possessed.

“Michael, again?” Nerissa spoke an ever-present impatience permeating their voice.

Viktoria looked at them their eyes resigned at the picture that had been created almost involuntary, without their permission. She hated not having a choice. “Yes, it would seem we have landed on a treasure trove.”

“But it is a matter that solely concerns you, sister, not us.” Ryuk interjected, for the first time addressing the unspoken tensions that threw a spotlight on the friction between them all since they stepped out of the middling realm.

Dmitri, with as much solidarity as they possessed reached over, clasping their hand in their own. Viktoria smiled coldly at Ryuk, not before squeezing Dmitri’s hand in reassurance. She was calm; she was controlled.

“Surely, Death,” she emphasised, wanting to remind them all of their position that had been clouded by mortal names and mortal feelings. “You value the hold of your status than of a few mortal souls?”

There was silence. Viktoria knew they hesitated, they had been stripped of their purpose, they knew of nothing else.

“We must continue to play their game,” Dmitri spoke.

Viktoria nodded, a wave of satisfaction washing over the itch that she knew was pent up in them as well as in the others. “Until the time is right.” Because when time was right, Viktoria knew she would be Famine once again, the three Horsemen by their side looking over an endless sea of destruction and doom.

Extras

Not that great at graphics etc so will be thinking of headcanons as I write and develop Viktoria more!

[studymrcogofficial]

Revision MRCOG PART 2

Thus, you have gone through a while to cover test schedule and presently the time has come to begin updating for the impending MRCOG section 1 and 2 tests. You may have reconsidered a few themes as of now and might have been really baffled to find that you barely recollect the greater part of the data. Indeed, we as a whole have been there previously and, in this blog, I mean to share the total of my reliable correction methodologies that really work for MRCOG Section 2 and comparable composed tests for MRCPI and EFOG.   During the underlying period of test arrangement, which is typically numerous months preceding the test, we will in general invest longer energy in understanding a point, making notes and attempting to remember it.  Not many weeks after the fact, to our colossal dissatisfaction, we track down that all the data has washed away as though we never read it. This is the thing that is called 'memory recovery disappointment'. All that we read is encoded and put away in our memory, yet it should be recovered to be utilized. Curiously, under the pressure of test, long haul memory works better compared to transient memory from last moment amendments. There are many variables that can impact recovery of data from long haul memory, and absence of modification is one central point. Compelling correction can't be hurried, for instance, you need to give yourself great 2-3 months devoted for update alone. This period is needed by your cerebrum to hold data in an essential way and build up the memory bank. The systems to use in the following half a month for powerful correction of composed tests are worked out beneath: Discover what works for you: Everybody learns and recalls in an unexpected way; what turns out astoundingly for A may not work for B. Essentially duplicating advices never assist except if you with having investigated your learning examples and practices. Recollect and sort out what worked for you the best in the tests where you breezed through without a hitch. For example, the strategies that I find accommodating are: making cheat sheets, making mind maps, stream outlines and calculations stickies on the dividers, composing and summing up and so forth To put it plainly, I realize that I retain best when I compose, and in this interaction, I make every one of the reminders recorded previously.   There is consistently a component of experimentation to design the best strategy that works for you. These procedures might shift starting with one piece of the test then onto the next relying upon what is tried in the test. Hence, it is significant to give yourself a lot of time for correction. Reconsider multiple times before the test: I realize it is overwhelming and nobody needs to do it (counting myself), yet tragically, redundancy is the foundation of recovery of a data from your drawn out memory bank.  One of the commonest and the greatest slip-up isn't having the option to get back to your notes more than once. Learning is a course of slow commitment with thoughts; steadily the commitment works to a minimum amount when the understudy really gains the thought. Redundancy matters since it can rush and extend this commitment cycle. Yet, without a doubt, this is more difficult than one might expect on the grounds that redundancy has its dim sides; it tends to be exhausting and tedious, it might bring aloofness and hesitation and so forth Also, if not done effectively, it doesn't empower an association among new and past information.  The advantage of redundancy lies in utilizing significant learning procedures. Significant learning alludes to how every one of the bits of a whole idea fit together. It is dynamic, valuable and dependable, making it the advantageous type of picking up during redundancy. I help my understudies to accomplish this learning by applying an alternate strategy with every reiteration, point isn't only recovery of memory yet additionally to foster basic reasoning while at the same time recovering a similar data in an alternate setting.  This is clarified further in the following point. Spread out your modification: The schedule for MRCOG is broad with 14 information regions (center modules) being tried over different Capacities by and by (CiPs). On top of this everybody has occupied life schedules with work, social and family obligations. In case you are extremely fortunate, you will actually want to get 2-3 weeks of yearly leave before the test. In any case, because of the broad idea of schedule, this time isn't adequate. Along these lines, you need to fan out your amendment in the last 2-3 months before the test. I generally prescribe this to be finished utilizing different procedures to stay away from repetitiveness and to enact a basic reasoning cycle. In this way, all things being equal, over the most recent couple of months you will invest more energy amending yet should continue to cover the left-over subjects that you have not covered even once.  Actually, amendment interaction can be begun as right on time as 1-2 months subsequent to beginning the underlying arrangement. All you need is a small bunch of notes that you can amend throughout some stretch of time. Yet, at this moment, as the fundamental center is correction before tests, here are my proposals about spreading the amendment from this point until test: Sort out what time turns out best for you when you catch on quickly, attempt to overhaul when you are generally ready and centered. This might fluctuate from one day to another contingent upon your accessible as needs be movements and every day schedule. Utilize this time admirably by dissipating the correction into different examples for the duration of the day. Allow me to disclose this to you with a model: As per my schedule, I used to have a count of 30 MCQs, 5 EMQs, one rule and one Frock article to be updated each day somewhat recently nearer to the test. Thus, I used to cover these objectives as portrayed beneath: I used to do the inquiries during my drive to and from work, and furthermore irregularly all through my obligation at whatever point I got a possibility. For the rule, I liked to utilize 'self-reflection' strategy. In this strategy, I used to glance back at a case that I oversaw in my reality. I used to note down whatever I did from the start till the end. Then, at that point, I would pull out my rule notes and contrast these and my own training. I used to feature the focuses that I did any other way or that I neglected. Then, at that point, I used to invest some energy overhauling the focuses I missed in my own administration. For Frock articles, I utilized 'conceptualizing' strategy where I originally used to conceptualize what I definitely knew under each heading of an article, then, at that point, going through the article to recognize what I actually need to bear in mind and afterward rehashing it a couple of times.   These exercises used to be spread all through a typical day, while I saved the work area concentrate on schedule to go through the troublesome and left-over points since I required a progression of considerations to do that.  Obviously, you can devise your own examples and timetables, this is only an illustration of how I did it.

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Stormlight Archive Epigraphs (1) - Letters

I’ve been going through the Stormlight Archive epigraphs to see if there are hints or foreshadowing or information that I’ve missed; before now, I hadn’t pulled together ones from different chapters, and it’s been very interesting to get a clearer picture of them.

These posts are as much for my own reference as anything else.

This one covers the letters between Wit and his, hm, associates, which are in TWOK Part 2, WOR Part 4, and OB Part 2.

Wit’s Letter

Old friend, I hope this missive finds you well. Though, as you are now essentially immortal, I would guess that wellness on your part is something of a given. I realize that you are probably still angry. That is pleasant to know. Much as your perpetual health, I have come to rely upon your dissatisfaction with me. It is one of the cosmere’s great constants, I should think.

Let me first assure you that the element is quite safe. I have found a good home for it. I protect its safety like I protect my own skin, you might say. You do not agree with my quest. I understand that, so much as it is possible to understand someone with whom I disagree so completely.

Might I be quite frank? Before, you asked why I was so concerned. It is for the following reason: Ati was once a kind and generous man, and you saw what became of him. Rayse, on the other hand, was among the most loathesome, crafty, and dangerous individuals I had ever met. He holds the most frightening and terrible of all of the Shards. Ponder on that for a time, you old reptile, and tell me if your insistence on nonintervention holds firm. Because I assure you, Rayse will not be similarly inhibited. One need only look at the aftermath of his brief visit to Sel to see proof of what I say. In case you have turned a blind eye to that disaster, know that Aona and Skai are both dead, and that which they held has been Splintered. Presumably to prevent anyone from rising up to challenge Rayse.

You have accused me of arrogance in my quest. You have accused me of perpetuating my grudge against Bavadin. Both accusations are true. Neither point makes the things I have written to you here untrue.

I am being chased. Your friends of the Seventeenth Shard, I suspect. I believe they’re still lost, following a false trail I left for them. They’ll be happier that way. I doubt they have any inkling what to do with me should they actually catch me. If anything I have said makes a glimmer of sense to you, I trust that you’ll call them off. Or maybe you could astound me and ask them to do something productive for once. For I have never been dedicated to a more important purpose, and the very pillars of the sky will shake with the results of our war here. I ask again. Support me. Do not stand aside and let disaster consume more lives. I’ve never begged you for something before, old friend.

I do so now.

Reply 1:

I’ll address this letter to my “old friend,” as I have no idea what name you’re using currently. Have you given up on the gemstone, now that it is dead? And do you no longer hide behind the name of your old master? I am told that in your current incarnation you’ve taken a name that references what you presume to be one of your virtues. This is, I suspect, a little like a skunk naming itself for its stench.

Now, look what you’ve made me say. You’ve always been able to bring out the extreme in me, old friend. And I do still name you a friend, for all that you weary me.

Yes, I’m disappointed. Perpetually, as you put it. Is not the destruction you have wrought enough? The worlds you now tread bear the touch and design of Adonalsium. Our interference so far has brought nothing but pain.

My path has been chosen very deliberately. Yes, I agree with everything you have said about Rayse, including the severe danger he presents. However, it seems to me that all things have been set up for a purpose, and if we - as infants - stumble through the workshop, we risk exacerbating, not preventing, a problem. Rayse is captive. He cannot leave the system he now inhabits. His destructive potential is, therefore, inhibited. Whether this was Tanavast’s design or not, millennia have passed without Rayse taking the life of another one of the sixteen. While I mourn for the great suffering Rayse has caused, I do not believe we could hope for a better outcome than this. He bears the weight of God’s own divine hatred, separated from the virtues that give it context. He is what we made him to be, old friend. And that is what he, unfortunately, wished to become. I suspect that he is more a force than an individual now, despite your insistence to the contrary. That force is contained, and an equilibrium reached.

You, however, have never been a force for equilibrium. You tow chaos behind you like a corpse dragged by one leg through the snow. Please, hearken to my plea. Leave that place and join me in my oath of nonintervention. The cosmere itself may depend upon our restraint.

Reply 2:

Dearest Cephandrius,

I recieved you communication, of course. I noticed its arrival immediately, just as I noticed your many intrusions into my land. You think yourself so clever, but my eyes are not those of some petty noble, to be clouded by a false nose and some dirt on the cheeks.

You mustn’t worry yourself about Rayse. It is a pity about Aona and Skai, but they were very foolish - violating our pact from the very beginning. Your skills are admirable, but you are merely a man. You had your chance to be more, and refused it. No good can come of two Shards settling in one location. It was agreed that we would not interfere with one another, and it disappoints me that so few of the Shards have kept to this original agreement. As for Uli Da, it was obvious from the outset that she was going to be a problem. Good riddance. Regardless, this is not your concern. If Rayse becomes an isdue, he will be dealt with.

And so will you.

Reply 3:

Cephandrius, bearer of the First Gem,

You must know better than to approach us by relying upon presumption of past relationship. You have spoken to one who cannot respond. We, instead, will take your communication to us - though we know not how you have located us upon this world. We are indeed intrigued, for we thought it well hidden. Insignificant among our many realms. As the waves of the sea must continue to surge, so must our will continue resolute.

Alone.

Did you expect anything else from us? We need not suffer the interference of another. Rayse is contained, and we care not for his prison. Indeed, we admire his initiative. Perhaps if you had approached the correct one of us with your plea, it would have found favourable audience. But we stand in the sea, pleased with our domains. Leave us alone.

We also instruct that you should not return to Obrodai. We have claimed that world, and a new avatar of our being is beginning to manifest there. She is young yet, and - as a precaution - she has been instilled with an intense and overpowering dislike of you. This is all we will say at this time. If you wish more, seek these waters in person and overcome the tests we have created. Only in this will you earn our respect.

Reply 4:

Friend,

Your letter is most intriguing, even revelatory. I would have thought, before attaining my current station, that a deity could not be surprised. Obviously, this is not true. I can be surprised. I can perhaps even be naive, I think.

I am the least equipped, of all, to aid you in this endeavour. I am finding that the powers I hold are in such conflict that the most simple of actions can be difficult. I am also made uncertain by your subterfuge. Why have you not made yourself known to me before this? How is it you can hide? Who are you, truly, and how do you know so much about Adonalsium? If you would speak to me farther, I request open honesty. Return to my lands, approach my servants, and I will see what I can do for your quest.

Basically everything that I know about Wit and the Cosmere beyond the events of The Stormlight Archive comes from the Stormlight Archive Rereads on Tor.com. Here’s my understanding of what is going on:

The God of Sanderson’s Cosmere, Adonalsium, was splintered into many different pieces (Shards - not to be confused with Shardblades and Shardplate), each consisting of a separate characteristic, and each characteristic was taken on by a different person.  Up until I put these epigraphs together, I thought there were 16 shards, but from this, it sounds like there was a 17th that Wit was supposed to take on, and chose not to, and that his sixteen associates are displeased with him for that (and are trying to get that Shard back?).

The tone of the different replies is very interesting.  The first one, I have some sympathy with, as one of many reasons why I tend to oppose military interventionism is that generally the intervenors have no idea what they are doing and risk making things worse; the author fo the first reply seems to have genuine affection for Wit despite his aggravation.

The second reply is very much the opposite, starting courteous but being the most clearly hostile of the four.  The third reply indicates that Wit’s letter went to a Shard-holder other than the one he intended, and to someone who is broadly antagonistic (given that they “admire Odium’s initiative”).  The fourth one, I’m gathering from bits of comments from other people on the broader Cosmere, is from the person currently holding the Shards of both Ruin and Preservation.

I’m not sure any of the material from the letters is essential, or if it’s just an addition for the enjoyment of Cosmere fans; the broad takeaway seems to be that Roshar is on its own and no one else is inclined to provide large-scale assistance against Odium.

I’m not sure whether I’m corrent in assuming that Tanavast is the original name of the person who took on the Shard of Honor, in the same way that Rayse is the original name of the person who took on the Shard of Odium?

[boneless-mika]

My favorite parts of The Way of Kings

Szeth does murder

(About Shallan) “She hated being duplicitous.”

“Please, I promise not to respect you any longer!”

If they were going to give him fake names, he’d give them fake names back.

I realize that you are probably still angry. That is pleasant to know. Much as your perpetual health, I have come to rely upon your dissatisfaction with me. It is one of the cosmere’s great constants, I should think.

Syl suggests Kaladin give Gaz a love potion

“Stormfather!” “No, I’m Wit. But I understand how easy a mistake that is to make.”

“How can you be a lighteyes without light eyes?” Teft said with a scowl. “By having dark eyes,” Rock said, as if it were obvious.

A woman wanting to come to the battlefield was like … well, like a man wanting to read. Unnatural.

The entire Axies the Collector interlude

“Really? And here I thought their purpose was to carry bridges.”

Geranid was half convinced he’d joined the ardentia because of his sweet tooth.

“I must. I hope to return. I’ll do so if I’m not killed. Probably will anyway. Apologize to your nephew for me.”

“Maybe I’ll remove dying from my list of tasks to do this week.”

Kaladin randomly promotes someone in Dalinar’s army despite not even being a part of the army

He carried a spear. And he was glowing. What? Dalinar thought, dazed.

Being the king’s mother gained one a few privileges.

Renarin’s happiness at seeing his father’s alive after Sadeas told him he was dead

Dalinar after having beaten up and threatened the king to prove he wouldn’t kill him just mentioning he’s dating the king’s mother (very frowned upon) on his way out

“Fair enough. I have an offer for you. The king and I are about to do something very, very dangerous. Something that will upset all the warcamps.” “Congratulations.”

“The only thing I’d be alarmed about is how irresistible the women would find it. ‘Lopen,’ they’d say, ‘you only have one arm, but I see that you can glow. I think that you should kiss me now.’ ”

God confesses to being dead

[dahniwitchoflight]

a-well-toasted-brain mentioned you in a post “did you hear Hussie's massive explanation on the epilogues?”

send me a link dahniwitchoflight

https://www.reddit.com/r/homestuck/comments/cuywff/the_homestuck_epilogues_bridges_and_offramps_new/

Alright something about Hussie calling his own work a cursed tome is hilarious to me

that’s really amazing he first intended the epilogues to be written as books because like, I’m so sure that if a third one does come out, it will be on an actual hardcover book, even just for the book eating jokes in homestuck and the fact that a book was in calliope’s offerred picnic basket of food choices to John

“I feel like the work does a lot to suggest it's not merely following up on the lives of all the characters after a few years, but also reorganizing all narrative circumstances in a way that points forward, to a new continuity with a totally different set of stakes.“

Yeah like, Homestuck in it’s current state is certainly finished and done and over with, but he’s right that the things presented in the epilogue do at times feel like cliffhangers leading to something new

but not something entirely new, new in the sense of a remake new

I wouldn’t be surprised if the old proclamation of homestuck 2.0 was just homestuck remade/retcanoned into a new different format and re-telling the story over again but different this time

“ In this sense, I think it's heavily implied to be a piece of bridge-media, which is clearly detached from the previous narrative, and conceptually "optional" by its presentation, which allows it to also function as an off-ramp for those inclined to believe the first seven acts of Homestuck were perfectly sufficient. But for those who continue to feel investment in these characters and this world, ironically the very elements which could be regarded as disturbing or depressing are also the main reasons to have hope that there is still more to see. “

Yeah!! Exactly! The Epilogues are leading into more things, but it’s not just gonna be a continuation of the story so far, even using in character retcon mechanics

it’s not like it would be out of place for Homestuck, Homestuck already did that once upon a time with Homestuck Beta, the idea of reimagining what the story of Homestuck is overall, isn’t something new to the media

“It turns out the gaze we cast from the sky of Earth C to revisit everyone isn't exactly friendly, like warm sunlight. It's more like a ravaging beam, destructive and unsettling to all that could have been safely imagined.”

“Our continued attention is the very property which incites new problems, and the troublemakers appear to be keenly aware of this. “

That’s really ominous though, it’s sort of implying that that everything fucked up that happened in Candy was through our gaze of wanting to read more being that eternal endgame Sun is what caused all the character skewing, not necessarily that John had leftover bits of canon power in him when everyone else didn’t

We wanted to see the drama and problems that would arise therefore it did

Kind of implies that the longer this continues on the more an original neat happy end is out of reach, what could have been a simple story of 4 kids playing game turned into something much more complicated and dramatic

But I don’t think that’s true, if the story is hinging on what hussie imagines we as an audience want to see, if we all want to see that original neat happy simple end, that hardly feels impossible

Yeah like something else is definitely coming, Hussie gave up the epligues as a way to zap our attention, make us talk, get feedback, get passionate about things he didn’t know we would, get ideas of what it is we wanted to see, and now it’s gonna simmer for a while while he uses some time to cook up something new

“Once you have a multitude of intermissions, don't you have two dueling threads of content, one supposedly "irrelevant", and the other important? And if that's true, then is it possible for the "irrelevant" thread to accrue more importance, throwing its entire identity as "optional content" into question retroactively?”

yes!

“And if that can happen, is it possible the two threads can flip roles, with the intermissions becoming more important than the main acts? Then once the story goes through the motions of answering "yes" to all of this, isn't it also fair to ask, why bother with this examination at all? Was it pure horseplay and trickery? Actually, yes, sort of. There is a trick involved. The gradual realization that intermission content is nontrivial forces the reader to reevaluate their perception of the material, which was originally influenced by a label presiding over that material, and what they believed that label meant.”

“It relies on the reader's presumption about the label's meaning to disguise certain properties of the content (like relevance), and therefore disarms the reader initially, leading to the potential for subverting expectations about the content later in surprising ways. In other words, you can use whatever it is the reader already presumes they know about stories in order to control the perception of what they are reading, just by gradually shifting the boundaries of whatever it is they've been well trained to expect from certain elements.” 

Ah, so them being called “Epilogues” doesn’t really matter, in fact, it’s clearly being used specifically to mislead us, even their current state of canonical-ness doesn’t matter. It’s not a status handed down from on high that they have no choice but to simply accept.

Everything is both within their power and within the audience and author’s power to change, which he has already admitted as such when he designed the “epilogues” stories labelled as such to in fact feel like “intermissions” in application, so the author has already now changed what an epilogue means in Homestuck, so what will the audience and then the characters change about that?

“So now the label "epilogue" has been toyed with in a similar way, and also in a manner which exposes an apparent flaw with the label. Or actually, just by using the label "epilogue" at all, it seems the story is admitting to an apparent flaw. If another way of saying intermission is "whoops, story's too long, here's a break", then an alternate way of saying epilogue is "whoops, I forgot some shit, here's some more".”

whoops indeed lol so yeah, “Epilogue” absolutely doesn’t mean the story is over, it means quite the opposite, it’s a guarantee the story is going to continue

“it's probably time to get nervous about whether it satisfies your expectations about what the content existing under such a label should provide.”

See, this is the sort of thing why I still have a sliver of faith in the author, he’s admitting he knew the expectation of his audience so clearly that he specifically wrote something to come across as unsatisfying as possible to stoke the flames as much as possible to get people to want more so that he could make more

so he didn’t write the epilogue with any sense of thinking that anyone in the audience was really going to fully accept this is how homestuck ends, it wasn’t presently simply as “well, here’s the end here you go, this is canonically how it ends”

he’s fully aware of the dissatisfaction, in fact it was dissastisfaction he was hoping to cultivate on purpose

I think PesterQuest clearly ties into and jokes about with MC straight up reacting the way a lot of fandom did when they first popped out, right on Hussie’s que

“Stories end where they do for certain reasons, answering the questions which were thematically important to answer, and leaving some questions unanswered for similar reasons, and the reader is left with the task of deciphering the meaning of these decisions. Under the "whoops, I forgot some shit, here's more" interpretation of an epilogue as a flawed construct, by reopening an already closed-circuit narrative, what you're really doing is introducing destabilizing forces into something which had already reached a certain equilibrium, due to all the considerations that went into which questions to answer, and which to leave ambiguous. And these destabilizing forces became the entire basis for the construction of an entirely new post-canon narrative, for better or worse.“

By Homestuck’s been doing that this whole entire time, so it’s really not unexpected here as well

Whatever happened to that original flash of Bark Tier Jade doing things with the planets that ended in candydust? The interruption of that dust made it so we might never know (yet)

“By deploying it as mock-fanfiction, and including other authors, I'm making an overt gesture that is beginning to diminish my relevance as the sole authority on the direction this story takes, what should be regarded as canon, and even introducing some ambiguity into your understanding of what canon means as the torch is being passed into a realm governed by fan desires.“

So Hussie is even aware that of the original problem of having a sole author for the kind of story he is making, perfectly represented in story by his self insert being and acting the way it does, trying to diminish it’s presence as much as possible, but still inescapably being there and affecting things

and even showing how a character like John rising to a similar position due to circumstances, can’t help but come to the same conclusion of self isolation as the only way

“ The fanfiction format is effectively a call to action, for another generation of creators to imagine different outcomes, to submit their own work within the universe, to extend what happens beyond the epilogues, or to pave over them with their own ideas. And I believe the direness in tone and some of the subject matter suitably contributes to the urgency of this call to action. “

So at this point, Hussie I think is actually admitting he might be out of ideas, so in his role as sole author, that means the story is over it’s dead, wherever it managed to end up dying, but at the same time he doesn’t want to let Homestuck die, so he’s opening up canon to be influenced by other people not just himself, fandom has to start creating new content or rearrange the pieces in ways that feel satisfying to them

That’s not to say though that if we like Homestuck we should all write our endings however we please and that that’s the real true ending of homestuck

but rather he’s probably going to be expanding his team of Homestuck creators to include more people than just him, bigger the bigger sample size of people who want homestuck to live and be satisfying, the more accurate it will be to the overall fandom vision of what it means to be satisfying

So dang then, really cool

Right now, If I were to put myself in this role, I can definitely think of things left unaddressed that I want to be handled in a satisfying way, and I can definitely think of things that have been handled unsatisfactorily, and can think of more satisfying ways to meet their ends

it makes sense though that this can’t be handled by one person alone though, that it has to be a communal effort

because there are also things that I personally have no opinion about, or even worse, a negative opinion about, which means if I were in charge, those parts of the story would be handled in an unsatisfying way to those who were hoping to get satisfaction out of

For instance, it’s not impossible for a character even like Gamzee to have a satisfying conclusion or character arc, if a significant part of fandom so desires

It wouldn’t even have to be that hard, Candy already lampshaded the most obvious/most likely ways in which it could be done seriously

a) play up what happened in his childhood having an affect or non affect on him

b) play up the substance abuse angle or how the drugs might have irreversibly altered his personality

c) play up how his Ultimate Self may have been tainted by the part that became LE similar to Dirk through that “Combat, Philosophy, Life, Love” line

heck even the gross unmentionable part at the end half of Candy has a super dark joke that you could even twist Gamzee’s story as him being the one being abused in a relationship having an affect on him, not the other way around

but THAT would be one hell of a contortion of his character as it is now in the story

and since it’s mostly Gamzee being the one to make these jokes about his own character, it even comes across as darkly self aware on his part, especially with his whole redemptions handed out like Candy thing he’s got going on

that if enough people forgive him and start liking him it’s essentially the same as him not having been a villain in the first place, in “canon”, which it would be if audience had control over canon

but whether that’s due to him wanting to simply, get away with the shit he’s done scot free and not have to feel any repercussions for his actions, or some core of genuine remorse that he doesn’t know how to express properly but has access to the power to change if he wants

I think it’s the first most likely because I dislike him, but people who do like him would obviously feel differently

So, I end this all with

“I want to see what happens in Hiveswap and Friendsim, and PesterQuest, and I want to see if the effects of that has repercussions on Homestuck, and changes it further in ways that satisfy me” with my eyes gleaming, staring like sunlight, changing the way it’s perceived by burning holes into parts I don’t like and welding together the parts that I do like

I ended that pretty ominously, but for real I think the better way is a more light-handed touch

use what’s there as much as you can, tweak small details by your own hands and let the rest change naturally like a butterfly effect, leaving as little a footprint as possible

it’s like how sometimes in order to heal your meat-sack you need surgery, which might involve making new cuts to it, which sounds bad, but if the way those cuts heal and scar over overall causes the health of the body to increase and remove things like rot and poison, it’s done an overall good, especially if it’s good surgery and you manage to do so in the smallest amount of cuts possible

Like those surgery robots who simply go in through holes in the skin and do everything unseen under the surface

Hussie’s left a pretty big important plot hole already, probably better to start from there if anywhere

My immediate thought is what’s the best way of explaining the story of the cursor juju? How it’s created and how it’s meant to be used and etc it’s role in the narrative as a weapon against the final villain

Dang, good read though overall thanks for linking it to me!

I definitely would say though that my gaze isn’t filled with wanting to see more drama and problems pop up, it’s wanting to see the resolutions of past drama, wanting to ease tensions rather than create more, wanting to patch things up rather than create more holes, just simply wanting a satisfying resolution to things I care about

If Homestuck is a piece of art, I’m a small blowtorch welding the delicate bits back onto their proper places so that I can look at the finally finished metal statue with satsifaction

[honeyhopeful]

The Beauty Industry Profits on your Unhappiness

In 4,000 BC, historians traced the first ever beauty product - kohl eyeliner that the Egyptians used to create dramatic eye looks. Social media emerged in the 1970s when the internet really transpired in this time period. These days, the beauty industry and social media have seen immense growth. The beauty industry is appraised to be worth above 15 billion Euros, and social media is expected double in growth in the next few years - with Snapchat and Instagram being in the lead for most users.

The beauty industry has always had problems - especially when it came to women's' expectations. Feminist movements have always admonished the use of makeup - as most women felt rigid feminine expectations were being pushed on them. In recent years, makeup was seen in a different light - as a way for women to express their creative side, to feel good about themselves, and that despite wearing makeup - they should always be respected not as women but as people.

However, makeup and the use of social media is being viewed in a critical lens once again.

Social media is a double-edged sword in the 21st century; what was seen as a way to open doors, connect with like-minded individuals, research topics, and have educational discussions over an online platform. However, the curse that lies in social media is how accessible we have become - with a lack of privacy and a fast-paced environment, many users are feeling fatigued and dissatisfied with their social media use and accounts. Social media in its infancy celebrated creativity and open-ended dialogue between users from all over the world, but now with marketing changing along with our online communications - social media has quickly turned into a virtual department store where products, ideologies, and misinformation are at the ready.

The beauty industry and social media are now seemingly joined at the hip with more companies using influencer marketing strategy. Here is where the article gets ugly.

I'm not going to pretend that beauty ideal, marketing, and social media were not an issue before - I'm sure women in my generation back then felt the pressures as much as the women of this generation do - but back then, the beauty industry was not in our faces 24/7. I myself as a young girl barely read any magazine articles concerning beauty, and I wasn't interested in fashion, or any notion of performative femininity. And my friend would tend to agree, back then we were free to be kids. I didn't even start wearing eyeliner until I was seventeen years old, and even if I did wear eyeliner it was because my mother forced me to because it was a holiday. Even if you Google teenage celebs in the 90s to early 2000s and compare to teenage celebs in 2014 - 2018 - you can definitely see a difference in how the beauty industry and the beauty standards have changed. Young girls today are feeling more and more pressure to look a certain way that young girls in my generation ever did.

And the consequences of these societal expectations are causing teens to not only become prematurely depressed, but body dysmorphia, eating disorders, and self-objectification is on the rise.

Tweens, teenagers and young adults who are interested in makeup all follow at least one social media mogul - usually its' Kylie Jenner, Jaclyn Hill, Tati Westbrook, or any other celebrity such as Ariana Grande. The beauty of social media was that it allowed users to have complete control over their image and use promotion as their means to get funding. Each day, as I scroll on my phone, I often see women with long, incredibly toned legs, plump breasts, pouty lips, chiselled cheekbones, flat tummies and perfectly, rounded buttocks. The comments on each one of their photo and captions is fans wishing to look like them, often chastising their own appearance whilst praising their looks and ask for dieting tips, look tips, fashion tips.

As influencers share their dieting tips to look the way they do, this is seen as an honest way to connect with their audience and provide insight.

Unfortunately, this is not what happens.

The problem with the beauty industry is that it heavily relies on false representations and unrealistic standards. An Instagram model or even a well-known celebrity will post on their social media the secret to their physique and over-all look - and usually that "secret" comes in the form of detox teas that are filled with laxatives and dangerous ingredients, diet pills that have not been properly researched, or whatever snake oil they needed to push on impressionable young women. In reality, this is farther from the truth. Kylie Jenner was one of the celebrities to promote a laxative-based tea that can induce gastrointestinal problems later in life, but it is well known that Kylie Jenner, American socialite and TV personality, has been very open about retouching her photos, undergoing cosmetic surgery, and even has a personal gym and trainer within her residence. The same can be said for Kendall Jenner, sister of Kylie Jenner, who was recently criticized for becoming a spokesperson for ProActive, claiming it was the sole cure to her acne. Mostly because, a few short months earlier in 2018, Kylie Jenners' dermatologist explained that the cure for Kendall Jenner's acne-problem was a mix of well-formulated skincare products that were not ProActive and a laser treatment.

Los-Angeles based makeup artist Jordan Liberty stated on his Instagram stories that a models' job was not to look attractive, but it was to sell products by using her facial muscles and body. A models' job is to always promote merchandise - and recently the beauty industry has been taking models to promote unrealistic beauty standards and the quick fixes and products to attain that level of beauty.

The problem with the products that most models becomes a spokesperson for is that none of these products promotes a healthy lifestyle. As I have mentioned, many diet-based teas often have laxative ingredients that will damage the intestinal system and can cause serious dehydration to a young girls' body.  Not to mention, that by utilizing hashtags such as 'thinspo' and 'body goals', including the high amounts of re-touching and intricate makeup placements to allow the model to look thinner, healthy and well-toned, often leads young women to negative thought patterns, depression and body dissatisfaction.

In 2016, Fardouly and Vartanian researched the high-rise of social media and the correlation of body image concerns, and they found that users with more appearance exposure suffer a lot more from weight dissatisfaction, drive for thinness, and thin-idealisation. They concluded that social media does indeed impact teenagers appearance concerns. Dr Helen Sharpe was quoted by The Guardian and she stated that most teenage girls resort to unhealthy weight loss practices, such as skipping meals, smoking, and lower levels of physical activities. Social media such as snapchat and Instagram are even damaging to young women due to filters and facial-reorganising that occurs on both apps - thus giving an overall distortion of ones' appearance. Time Magazine even reported on Snapchat causing self-esteem issues, dubbed as 'snapchat dysmorphia', plastic surgeons are writing that there is a surge in clients wanting to look like their filters, with bigger eyes, thinner noses, and fuller lips. They describe such a trend alarming since those filters are meant to be an unattainable facial structure and the lines between fantasy and reality are slowly blurring. Plastic surgeons are also arguing that these apps are making people lose touch with reality, and are expecting to look perfectly prim in real life.

Accounts such as @celeblife have taken upon themselves to remove editing, plastic surgery and enhancements to show users before and after shots of the models in question. These accounts are not there to ridicule the celebs or poke fun at their bodily enhancement, but really it is to remind users that at the end of the day social media is just smoke and mirrors. None of it is real. The images that we see, the videos that we observe - they're all scripted, edited, filtered, and processed.

The Beauty Industry will let people - especially impressionable young women - fight to attain those unrealistic beauty standards - but all the industry is doing is leaving a sea of depressed young women in its' wake. All the industry does is prey on women's' insecurities and fear by pushing and pushing products to make them 'selfie ready' or 'life-ready'. I myself as a woman have often skipped going to social events because I didn't want to put on makeup, or wouldn't even call my friend using video because I wasn't wearing makeup.

Accounts like @celebself and beauty influencers like Samantha Ravandahl, a Canadian Youtuber, talking about what it truly means to sell product - citing that brands sent over scripts instructing her to claim that no other product has helped her as much as this one - Ravandahl stated that she could not cooperate with the brand because at the end, she did not want to lie to her audience. Ravandahl recently talked about no longer receiving product launches from brands and wants to return to her authentic, educational roots than constantly act as an advertiser. These accounts and outspoken, honest influencers may remind us not to be so hard on ourselves, and that at the end of the day, we're admiring a tiny, unattainable fraction of reality.

So, if you're a young girl reading this and you're worried about the way you look - I can't tell you “don't be” as we both know these things are harder to shake off, but I can only remind you that everything on social media is glamorized and even if you do not look like the models on Instagram - you're still beautiful, worthy of respect, intelligent and you should give yourself more time and credit.

[dailyaudiobible]

04/12/2019 DAB Transcript

Joshua 5:1-7:15, Luke 15:1-32, Psalms 81:1-16, Proverbs 13:1

Today is the 12th day of April. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I'm Brian. It's great to be here with you today as we just come in. Wherever we are, whatever's going on, no matter what the challenges may be or the victories, we just come together as one family allowing God's word to speak over us as we move through our next today. And, so, the next bit of territory that we're heading into is further into the book of Joshua. We have crossed the Jordan River, this mythic moment that we've been working our way towards so long. And, so, now we’re on the other side of the Jordan River and we’re in the promised land, but it isn't settled, it isn't taken, we’ve just arrived and that's where we'll pick up with the story. Joshua chapter 5 verse 1 through 7:15 today and we’ll reading from the New International Version this week.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we are in the promised land and we have witnessed the first conquest of the city of Jericho and its just been mere weeks since we were standing at the ruins of Jericho. The large walled city that it may have once been is only fragmentary ruins there, but still some ruins, some of the oldest ruins of any kind of city dwelling in the world are found in the ruins of Jericho. So, Jericho was conquered and then they go to small city nearby called Ai. Ans some of the ruins of that city still exist. It's being excavated, at least it was the last time I was there. We filmed there once. It was just kind of getting going. And they found defeat, which threw them into panic because what they were worried about is that the rest of the people would find out, certainly the reputation of the destruction of Jericho. But then to turn around and find out that they could be defeated by Ai, a small kind of village, little town, would cause everyone to band together and come against them and wipe them out. And this is…and when God spoke, “you didn't obey what I told you to do.” And, so, there's been things taken that were supposed to be destroyed. And it's interesting because, probably most of us have a sense of where this story is going with this man Achan who has taken property and hidden it. But let's look at what's going on here because they didn't just decide to go find Achan, drag him out and do away with him. What was commanded was that the people consecrate themselves and prepare to come before the Lord the next day and the person found with the items that were devoted to destruction then that person would be destroyed. So, what if Achan had just gotten rid of what he had taken, what he had done to break covenant on behalf of his people before God. We don't know because he didn't do that, and we’ll continue with that story tomorrow.

But let's go over to Psalms for a second because…because the Psalm today brings up some important questions to consider like, does God have feelings? Right? Does the way that we live our lives affect God? Is He ever exasperated? Does He ever feel sadness? These are fascinating things to think about but when we go back to the story of Achan we could say He must have some feelings about what He's saying because he's exasperated that at the very first battle some have broken faith with Him. So, how would it change the choices you're going to make today if you thought or knew that they were going to affect God. I know that might be like a mind bend. You might think, “well God is above it all and there’s nothing that I can do that could affect him in any way”. But that's not how the Psalm reads. So, what we read from Psalms today is, “no my people wouldn't listen, Israel didn't want me around. So, I let them follow their own stubborn desires living according to their own ideas. Oh, that my people would listen to me.” So, this is the voice of God speaking from Psalms, and He doesn't sound aloof or separate or disinterested because He's not. He's not indifferent to us and He's never been without emotion towards people and we've come far enough in the Bible to see that that's clear and as we continue this journey through the Bible we will…there's no way we will get to the end of the Bible and not understand that God is deeply invested, hugely emotionally invested into us. God wants to know us. God wants to be known by us. We would otherwise call that a relationship. And any of us who are in a relationship or who have ever been in a relationship pretty much of any kind, doesn’t have to be a romantic or sexual relationship, a relationship that's real, indifference doesn't work in relationships, but isn't it interesting how often we blame God for indifference to us all. All the while being indifferent to His heart because he’s not doing what we want Him to do. So, our reading from Psalms gives us a glimpse into what it feels like for God when we do this. So, let's take these stories that we found in the Scripture today and consider that our actions will matter in our lives and in our relationship with God today. Not because God might punish us if we’re bad boys and girls but because he's trusted us with His heart. That's what happens when you fall in love with somebody, that's what happens when you are in a relationship. So, if we’ll consider this as we move through the day with God we may begin to sense just how powerful His resolve to care for us and be with us is.

Prayer:

Father, as we do most every day, we invite You into what we've read, because we can use our minds to interpret and consider the words but it's Your Holy Spirit who will plant it in our lives and make it mean something that changes the way we’re going to live today. And once again understanding that You have invited us into a relationship should strike us utterly speechless. What, else can be said when the eternal God has invited a human being into a personal relationship other than under speechless awe. But most of the time we just take it for granted because it's just always been how it's been. And, so, we had the audacity to say, “well, if we’re gonna be in a relationship then You better show up for me in whatever said set of circumstances I might weave myself into”. And all of these circumstances that we create for ourselves and all the chaos that we make and all of the drama that we’re manufacturing by the bucket load every day, that never had to exist, we never had to birth it into the world, it never needed to be on this planet, we could've walked with You. We could’ve just gone through our days with You. It's our unrest, it's our dissatisfaction. And, so, we try to get our identity from each other and we cause and manufacture these dramas that are nothing more than distractions. And then when we are distracted and run ourselves into a brick wall, we throw our hands up in the sky and say, “where were You when I needed You?” Forgive us, God. We are so ridiculous sometimes. We are like sheep who have gone astray. And yet even in the gospel of Luke we see Jesus telling the story of leaving the 99 to find 1. And You have come after us so many times we can't even count. Forgive us. We are sorry for the emotional toll that our lives have had on You. And those of us who have estranged children or prodigal's who are going through that kind of season we understand what this feels like and obviously so do You because You told the story in the gospel of Luke. But usually we focus our attention on what it is we are going through not understanding that we have put You through this so many times and You have never given up on us and You will never give up on anyone who is estranged from You including our prodigal's. So, help us God to get our eyes back on our own lives and own our relationship with You and walk in our relationship with You and stop perpetuating darkness that does not need to be on this planet. We are here to bring light. We will never do this when we are estranged from You in any way. Come Holy Spirit, fill us from bottom to top with Your presence today we ask in the mighty and all-powerful name of Jesus we pray. Amen.

Song:

Everything and Nothing - Matt Maher

 Come let us return to where we were

Back to knowing life and saving words

Back to where we heard redemption speak

Where You brought us to our knees

 Come let us return to Eden's heart

Long before the fall, back to the start

Back before we covered up our sin

And took a second skin

 Once upon a time

I'm lost and found

I'm saved and drowned

I'm everything and nothing all at once

I'm so far gone

But I'm already home

With everything and nothing but Your love

 Come let us discover something new

Cause we're all pilgrims on a journey to the truth

We're all wanderers relying on a man

To help us understand

 Cause everybody wants to see the proof

We're always tripping on our pride to get to You

So blessed are the ones who haven't seen

But still believe

 Once upon a time

I'm lost and found

I'm saved and drowned

I'm everything and nothing all at once

I'm so far gone

But I'm already home

With everything and nothing but Your love

 My heart is tin but love is real

I'm unconvinced by what I feel

No yellow bricks to pave this road

Oh, straight and narrow lead me home

Lead me home

 I'm lost and found

I'm saved and drowned

I'm everything and nothing all at once

Oh, I'm so far gone

But I'm already home

With everything and nothing but Your love

Everything and nothing

Everything and nothing

Everything and nothing but Your love

Nothing but Your love

Nothing but Your love

[omgkatsudonplease]

Same anon. Agree with everything you said. I love mafia au but I think I can count on one hand the number of YOI fics I would really consider dark. I’d actually love to see your thoughts on angst at some point! It’s something I’ve been thinking about recently. My idea of it seems to be a lot heavier than what often gets labeled as angst now. I wonder if that’s partly influenced by how extensive tagging is now? Author’s tagging every bit of conflict/sadness in their fic as angst? Idk

Okay so this is a week or so late but @exile-wrath and I are here to talk about angst in YOI fandom (you didn’t ask for his opinion but he let himself into my house to Loudly Complain anyway):

(note: the following rant is all Wrath haha)

The quintessential angst fic has to not just be founded on something like a ‘misheard conversation’. It has to cause conflict, it has to drive people apart. It needs to have a meaningful impact on the characters in order for it to have a meaningful impact on the readers. Angst has to be tailored to the story, or it’ll be like you are just hitting checks on a list in an attempt to make the reader sad. That’s not how you make good angst – good angst comes about organically. It comes from characters’ motivations going against each other: character A wants something, character B wants another thing, but only one of them can have what they want. Like how some characters just wanna live, and others want them dead – or for a more real-life example, character A needs money to live, and so does character B, but character B’s job will negatively impact character A in some way. 

You can’t just slam things down, pull out classic “tropes” like sudden terminal illness, rape, homophobia/transphobia, racism, etc in order to make the reader sad. The problem with a lot of “angst” fics, especially in this fandom, is that they utilise those “tropes” as cheap angst tactics to shock and upset the readers. The reason why they elicit reactions is because they’re common in real life. It’s easy to make someone indignant because of real-life prejudices or tragedies intruding upon what we take to be an escapist, feel-good canon like YOI. After all, those are popular ideas that mainstream media feeds upon to add drama to their stories. 

But fanfiction cannot just rely on just on popular ideas, or they fall flat. People read fanfiction primarily out of an emotional attachment to the characters, so in order to write effective angst, you have to create a conflict that is borne out of those characters’ personalities or circumstances. We don’t want to read about things that we could also experience or hear on the news; we want to read about struggles that have been personalised to these characters and the setting they’ve been placed in.

The problem with YOI fanfiction specifically is that it is prone to cheap angst. And due to the content of the show, people do feel disproportionately affected by that. Because people are so ecstatic over the representation and the lack of homophobia in the show, they also do tend to place on a pedestal the sanctity of Viktor and Yuuri’s connection, and express (sometimes very shoddily) discomfort at the merest hint of dissatisfaction or conflict between them. 

This is definitely a result of the fact that the most serious conflict in the show is from Yuuri and Victor Just Not Communicating Well, so that’s the route that most of the angst takes. Hannibal fic angst goes along the lines of manipulation and murder and betrayal, Kingsman angst plays with the high-risk life that spies lead and classism, all of which are present in their canon stories.

So in comparison to those media, Yuri on Ice’s conflict is very low-key and can be solved fairly easily. Thus, the fanfiction reads the same, and it can come off as dissatisfying. Conflict makes the resolution feel more satisfying. When characters go through their lives getting everything they want with little conflict, it can get quite boring because it’s the journey that makes reaching the destination worthwhile. No one can mature as a person if their life is always smooth-sailing. A protagonist needs to struggle and experience difficulties in order to obtain a happy ending or it inherently feels cheap because their payoff was bigger than the price they paid. A problem with ham-handed angst is that they’re just there to make the reader sad, instead of letting characters grow. When it’s just angst for angst’s sake, the narrative suffers as a result. 

So many stories that I have read in Yuri on Ice (AND I HAVE READ MANY) cannot bear to hurt Victor and Yuuri and the rest of the cast in any way. So as a result, they barely have much conflict that can change their dynamic, as people are attached to their existing canon dynamic, and they don’t mature as people, much less as a pair. And simply, that grows tiring pretty fast. I want to see these characters change from what they are in canon, or change from who they were at the beginning of the fic.

That’s Wrath’s two cents, and my own views generally align with him, with some things that he is too pissed to articulate. I believe people have varying tolerances of angst, and that YOI fandom in particular is full of newcomers to fandom, who may not have had the same exposure to classic “tropes” of angst fics such as terminal illness, sexual assault + its fallout, dealing with prejudices, etc. Someone’s first exposure to those topics, especially in a fandom with a feel-good canon like YOI, can understandably be upsetting. But eventually the tropey stuff starts to get repetitive, and so readers can get densitised to them as a result.

This entire rant is not to say that fluff is inherently weaker or bad or any of that. It’s just a reaction to the fact that the fandom is actually 90% not-dark, if you take tags such as mafia au + rape/noncon + abuse + incest + underage + dark Viktor + dark Yuuri + darkfic and compile them together against the rest of the YOI tag on AO3. The amount of fluff in this fandom is astounding, and honestly, I applaud anyone who consistently consumes all of it, because I personally (we, actually) can get a bit burnt out after a lot of a good thing like fluff. For us, variety is the spice of life, and sometimes we look for that spice in darker themes, or in angst. For me, the hallmark of a good fic involves the writer deciding to take the initiative to give Yuuri and Viktor some conflict that they can resolve and come out stronger for it. That shouldn’t necessarily amount to angst, but the generally conflict-averse nature of YOI fandom (which is kind of a generalisation, but it is definitely a trend I’ve seen) means that even the slightest hint of trouble in paradise gets people scrambling for the tissues (case in point, my allusion to a breakup in RH au has people side-eying me for angst when I don’t fully intend on going into actual angst territory – or as Wrath puts it, mistaking water for vodka).

TL; DR: there is a difference between conflict and angst, though good angst originates naturally from conflict, and should not be forced in via ham-handed authorial intent trying to check off a list of Things That Upset Readers.