#and 11 years later now she's 27

[miru667]

🥰 Audrey Grace, from teen to adult! 🌱🌻

[arimiadev]

why does aniplex want mahoyo to fail

I love visual novels. being a long time fate/stay night fan and only having heard of mahoyo from hushed whispers about its cinematography, I was super invested when it was announced to be coming to the west and I could finally play an official version of it.

however, a lot of people interested in type-moon works had never heard of mahoyo, let alone it getting an official english translation. but how? aniplex is publishing the game and they're one of the largest anime distributors in the world.

with the console release of mahoyo being almost exactly a year ago and the steam release being just 10 days away, I want to look over some of aniplex USA's bizarre and nonexistent marketing for one of my favorite visual novels.

let's clear up a few things, first.

mahoyo is the shortened form of mahoutsukai no yoru (not to be confused with mahoutsukai no yome, i.e. the ancient magus bride), which has been localized as witch on the holy night. mahoyo was a linear non-eroge visual novel released by type-moon in 2012, being one of the first scripts kinoko nasu (co-founder of type-moon) wrote back in 1996 and adapted into a VN many, many years later.

in April of 2022, a console remaster (switch, playstation 4) was announced with HD assets and voice acting, to be published by aniplex. notably, this console release would contain an english translation and was later confirmed in June to be sold in the west via online retailers. this was huge news, as this meant mahoyo would be the first type-moon visual novel (not including gameplay-oriented titles like fate/extella or fate/grand order) to be officially released in the west, as despite numerous fan translations, their more recognizable visual novels tsukihime and fate/stay night still had not received a localization.

type-moon is the developer behind mahoyo and aniplex is the publisher, meaning that type-moon made the game and aniplex is in charge of distributing (and marketing) the game worldwide.

timeline:

April 11 2022: Mahoyo rerelease announced for consoles (Switch & PlayStation 4), including English translation

July 4 2022: Aniplex confirms Mahoyo will be available to the West, localized under the name Witch on the Holy Night

October 14 2022: 2nd trailer released, more voice actor info announced

November 3 2022: physical pre-orders launched, demo version available

November 18 2022: Aniplex attends Anime NYC with Mahoyo

December 7 2022: Mahoyo released digitally on Switch / PlayStation 4 (Dec 8th in Japan, Dec 7th in America)

December 12 2022: Mahoyo reaches 110k units sold worldwide

January 27 2023: Mahoyo physicals release

July 5 2023: Mahoyo reaches 150k units sold worldwide

September 10 2023: Mahoyo announced for Steam via a now unlisted Aniplex livestream

December 13 2023: Mahoyo will be released on Steam (Dec 14th in Japan, Dec 13th in America)

some of the dates might be a little fuzzy, especially the release dates, as some sources go by japanese time and some go by american timezones, so just be aware of that.

now, let's talk a bit about mahoyo itself.

mahoyo is a masterpiece. it's a niche game not meant for everyone. its cinematography is top notch among visual novels. its writing style can be off-putting to people who want faster-paced stories. it's one of my most beloved visual novels I've ever played, and I've been in this field for almost a decade and have played well over 100 VNs.

mahoyo is a completely linear visual novel—meaning it has no choices or gameplay—that follows aoko, a high schooler mage trying to balance her perfect school president facade with her secret life as a mage, something she has to keep secret at the risk of death. this is one of the lesser known type-moon works but it's well beloved because of the care put into it.

if you've ever heard someone talk about it, it's almost impossible for them to not mention the visuals. mahoyo is one of the most visually impressive visual novels I've ever seen, with its inspired use of artwork and in-game animations. I cannot recommend this VN enough if you like modern fantasy and don't mind linear VNs.

before we dive into aniplex USA's marketing, I want to clarify a few marketing terms for people who don't market visual novels as a job. marketing is not just advertising—it's everything related to how a product communicates with potential users, including its branding, its packaging, its everything. when marketing a game, you have several different avenues: social media, press & influencers, trailers, store pages, and more.

today I want to show you how, based off what I have researched after a long, manic day, aniplex USA has failed mahoyo on all of these accounts.

so let's go back to its western release.

mahoyo has a few official english channels:

website

twitter

facebook

aniplex also has an official english twitter with almost 500k followers where they shared mahoyo very rarely—only 9 tweets about the game ever.

well, surely their other pages are more maintained right—

both accounts stopped posting July 10th/11th, with their last post being about mahoyo going on sale on consoles. let's look at their posts prior to this, though, starting with the twitter.

we can see that the twitter account was made in december of 2022. if we scroll down far enough (it's not hard, given they only have 33 tweets), we can see that their first tweet was on december 6th 2022:

let's go back to our timeline. can you tell me when mahoyo's remaster released digitally?

yes they made both of the english mahoyo social media accounts the day before the game launched

we can very easily add up the entire social media posts for the game thus far:

mahoyo english twitter - 30 tweets and 3 retweets

mahoyo english facebook - 27 posts

aniplex english twitter - 9 tweets

aniplex english facebook - 2 posts

no other english social media accounts were tied to the website, so these are the only ones I looked at. this means in total, there were only 68 social media posts for the console release of mahoyo by the publisher for english audiences.

but what about the steam release? after the game sold over 150k+ units on consoles, surely aniplex was ready to market it a bit more for pc users—

neither account has made a post about the upcoming steam release.

if we look at the twitter, they have 3 tweets since July that do talk about the upcoming steam release- however, these are retweets from the japanese mahoyo account.

we know that this twitter and this facebook account are the official social media for mahoyo as they're linked on the website, so they're definitely meant to be followed for game updates in the west. well, maybe the english aniplex twitter has posted about it—

none of the english aniplex or mahoyo accounts have made a single post about the steam release

that's right, the social media posts I counted above are the only posts for mahoyo on their english accounts, all dating back before the steam release was announced. since then, they have not made a single original post even mentioning the steam release.

meanwhile, the japanese mahoyo twitter has been hustling hard to promote the upcoming steam release—reposting trailers, character bios, and more almost every day with pretty good numbers.

in fact, the japanese mahoyo twitter did such a good job at marketing it that the aniplex USA twitter never mentioned the english mahoyo twiter, instead only @ ing the japanese one in tweets (despite the english one being linked on the website).

why they even bothered making social media accounts and then not running them despite being one of the largest anime distributors in the world I have no clue.

well, maybe they didn't need to rely on social media presence. maybe they were going for the in-person approach and marketing it at conventions.

mahoyo had basically no anime convention presence

the only reference I can find to aniplex notably promoting mahoyo at any western convention is this tweet of them at anime NYC. from someone who was at anime NYC, I've been told that they pushed the game heavily at their booth with TV screens promoting the game.

however, anime NYC is only one anime convention. you cannot hope to sell a game by just attending one anime convention. mahoyo might have had a presence at other american conventions, but I'm unable to find any images or news about this.

maybe they don't understand type-moon

aniplex is the publisher for fate/grand order, one of the most successful mobile games ever created. they're also the distributor for a majority of type-moon related anime, ranging from fate to garden of sinners to side series. aniplex's marketing team should have lots of experience with type-moon properties.

maybe it was promoted in other aniplex titles

I was also unable to find a news post in fate/grand order related to mahoyo's release, despite news posts for other type-moon series (namely fate but also things like melty blood) getting news posts in fate/grand order. I might've missed the news posts when looking back through FGO but I don't believe there was one.

maybe it sold well in other regions but not western ones

(I'm going to be referring only to the console release for these stats, keep in mind)

mahoyo released December 7th/8th 2022 with an english, japanese, simplified chinese, and traditional chinese translations. at the end of the release week, mahoyo's japanese twitter announced the game had sold 110k copies worldwide and famitsu reported that 66,344 of these units were sold in japan. this means we have around 43k units unaccounted for.

we know the game was available in english, japanese, and chinese languages but we don't know what regions. mainland china has a very large visual novel playerbase (I say this as someone who sells visual novels), which means if it were sold there then it's easy to say that a big chunk of that 43k units could be attributed to them—this also means it would be easy to believe that aniplex saw mahoyo selling worse in western countries and took this as a sign to not promote the game any more there.

but was it ever sold in mainland china? from what I could tell—no.

looking at pricing charts for the nintendo eshop and the playstation store, china is not listed on either. furthermore, searching the game's chinese title on the chinese playstation store does not bring back any results. it looks like the only predominantly chinese-speaking regions that were able to buy it are hong kong, taiwan and possibly singapore (the playstation store page for it doesn't look like it's available for purchase anymore).

so what does this tell us?

without any other numbers it's hard to tell how many of the 43k launch week sales came from english-speaking players, but even if we conservatively say that only around 20k of the 110k launch week units were from western countries, that's still almost a million in revenue (and remember, the physical limited edition of the game was available in english for $60, which is $20 more than the digital base version).

maybe the store page is so good they don't need to market it

here's a little secret: store pages matter a lot more than you'd think. there are entire job positions dedicated to tailoring store pages (like a steam game page) to make it perfect for the game's target audience. there's a science to it that includes the artwork, descriptions, tags, screenshots, and more.

let's see what aniplex did for the steam page of mahoyo.

A tale told with vivid colors and rich sound in a classic TYPE-MOON visual novel.

I don't know how to describe this short description charitably other than to say it sounds like a person who's never heard of a visual novel has been tasked with describing a visual novel.

this tells me nothing about the game other than it's a visual novel. I hope you know what type-moon is, because if you don't then you've learned nothing else from this. alright, well, let's look at the screenshots—

there's only 1.

currently as of writing this, there's 10 images uploaded as screenshots (no trailers, they keep adding and removing the trailers for some reason). 9 of these images are just the full artworks from the game while 1 is an actual screenshot.

I really hate this, as you're not actually shown what the game looks like unless you look at the very last screenshot. this will absolutely lead to some people not understanding what they're getting into. what's worse is that some of these CGs are spoilers, especially one in particular featuring my wife touko.

why are we spoiling people instead of showing them screenshots? why not show people what mahoyo actually looks like??

there's also absolutely no use of the announcements section on steam. each game on steam can post announcements related to the game, including upcoming releases, new updates, and more. it's customary to post a steam announcement when a game has a release date announcement. mahoyo's steam page has none.

well they probably released the trailers in english for hype

I wish I had that much hope.

on mahoyo's english website, all of the videos listed are from the official type-moon youtube, which is their japanese channel. type-moon went through the effort to translate these videos. aniplex didn't upload these to their own youtube, where they already upload everything related to the fateverse and nasuverse.

searching up witch on the holy night brings up no results for the trailer—aniplex never uploaded the trailer to their channel.

maybe they got influencers to play it

according to steamdb, the max amount of viewers mahoyo streams have had on twitch was 71 viewers.

furthermore, if we check twitch and look for vods attached to mahoyo, we only find 4 videos total, all of which were posted in the past week. it looks like they didn't even reach out to streamers to play the console release, much less pay them.

over on the press side, it does look like they reached out to at least a few reviewers. for example, on the review by noisy pixel, they clarify that a review copy was provided by the publisher for review purposes. we can add that to the bare minimum of marketing—reaching out to press.

however, they did get for some other influencers to share the game! ...twitter game sale influencers, that is.

there's actually a lot more of these types of tweets for mahoyo than I was expecting when I searched it on twitter. as a friend pointed out, just because it says "#ad" doesn't necessarily mean these were paid for by aniplex—a lot of these links look to be referrals, which means they're getting a cut of any purchases.

let's recap

mahoyo released over 110k copies in the launch week for it's worldwide console release despite very, very limited marketing efforts from its publisher aniplex. now that the game has proven it can sell very well despite being a lesser known linear visual novel, aniplex has done no marketing for the steam release- no tweets, no influencer outreach, no localization of trailers, no announcements via steam, nothing.

so why?

why does aniplex want mahoyo to fail?

even after all of this, I still do not know why. to me, it's clear that the marketing team at aniplex were (most likely) given no budget for this game and just couldn't do anything with it, deciding to spend what little money they had on press outreach and an anime NYC booth.

but why? why didn't aniplex give them a budget, even a small one? why was their budget so tiny they couldn't even afford to tweet? to RT more posts from the japanese twitter? to share the already translated trailers to their own accounts?

I've heard a few excuses like "type-moon hates western fans and probably caused it" but this doesn't make any sense either. why would you authorize a translation of your game and allow your publisher to sell the game overseas but specifically make them not market the game (and what publisher would agree to that)? I've even heard excuses like "they just forgot it was coming out", to which I ask "how does an entire marketing team (a company the size of aniplex absolutely has a team(s) for marketing and not a singular person) forget a release for a game that's already sold over 150k copies?". the only excuse I've seen that I somewhat buy is that they did not have much faith in the game and relied almost entirely on fans doing word of mouth marketing for the game.

I don't think we'll ever get an answer. while I do believe the marketing team at aniplex was most likely given no budget for mahoyo, it still begs the question of why. why did someone at aniplex not want to give mahoyo a marketing budget? why are the japanese accounts for mahoyo and type-moon the only ones doing the marketing?

I hope the information I've provided here is accurate—if it's not, I'll try to update with corrections. I don't want this piece to cast hate towards the staff at aniplex or anyone involved with this projects, I'm just trying to assemble the pieces on what feels like a game being left to word of mouth. I've tried to include as many links to my sources as I could so you could come to your own judgements about what has happened regarding mahoyo's worldwide release.

mahoyo is a visual novel that's dear to me and will absolutely sell well on steam—with an estimated 50-80k wishlists, it's going to have a solid launch despite the zero marketing for its steam release. if you love other type-moon works or want to see an absolutely visually stunning visual novel, please check it out.

— arimia

[norrizzandpia]

What We Could’ve Been and What We Are Now: The Masterlist (LN4 x Reader)

Summary: Jon’s daughter and childhood best friends, Y/n and Lando share a special type of love. A love that has always made them prioritize each other, show up no matter what when the other needed them. A love that turned romantic so incredibly, strikingly fast. When their friendship finally addresses that shared feeling and labels are thrown around, their connection takes a turn. Arguments, trust issues, and petty insults make up their young love and it’s not what either of them expected. A turning point, a stupid mistake, brings out an inevitable end and the two are left to stand in the midst of a destroyed relationship, a friendship that is no longer salvageable. However, young people make stupid mistakes that they later grow from and what happens when years later numbers are unblocked, words are shared again, and the love they shared burns once more? Warnings, an author’s note, chapter links and summaries, and a playlist below the cut!

Warnings: language, smut in later chapters (that will be specified on specific chapters), cheating

Note: please don’t be turned away by the cheating warning 🙏🏻 trust me when i tell you it all works out in the end in a way that does not have Y/n looking like she has no self worth

Chapter Links:

The Youngest Love (Chapter One)

A backstory to the beginning of a love story.

A Beautiful Start (Chapter Two)

Ever since their first official date, Y/n and Lando fall into the honeymoon phase.

Why Can’t You See It My Way?! (Chapter Three)

Arguments and bickering turn what once was into something messy and painful.

A Stupid Mistake (Chapter Four)

In the wake of their fight, Lando wakes up to someone who is not his Y/n.

If You Don’t Tell Her, I Will (Chapter Five)

Something that started out with the purest of intentions ends with the most dirty confession.

Please, I’m Sorry (Chapter Six)

Lando tries and tries to contact Y/n after their fallout. However, with a blocked contact and an angry Jon, he can only do so much.

Reconciling (Chapter Seven)

When he can’t reach Y/n, Lando goes to apologize to his second father.

Years Later (Chapter Eight)

His first race win is not the only reason why Lando is having the best day of his life.

Stay Up With Me? (Chapter Nine)

Picking up where they left off has never seemed so easy yet Y/n can’t get rid of the nagging fear of what could be repeated.

Listen To Me (Chapter Ten)

At the risk of another fallout, Lando works to stop from losing what he so foolishly lost before.

The Playlist:

1. The Grudge by Olivia Rodrigo

2. Logical by Olivia Rodrigo

3. Making the Bed by Olivia Rodrigo

4. Lacy by Olivia Rodrigo

5. Take It All by Adele

6. Tolerate It by Taylor Swift

7. Right Where You Left Me by Taylor Swift

8. Hurt Me Once by Ben Platt

9. Illicit Affairs by Taylor Swift

10. Keep That To Yourself (voice memo) by Tristan

11. I Miss You, I’m Sorry by Gracie Abrams

12. Ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine

13. Movies by Conan Gray

14. Cardigan by Taylor Swift

15. Your Needs, My Needs by Noah Kahan

16. Betty by Taylor Swift

17. TV by Billie Ellish

18. Footnote by Conan Gray

19. Fine Line by Harry Styles

20. August by Taylor Swift

21. The 1 by Taylor Swift

22. Special by SZA

23. Marjorie by Taylor Swift

24. Decode by Sabrina Carpenter

25. Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift

26. Strawberry Wine by Noah Kahan

27. All My Love by Noah Kahan

28. Talk by Hozier

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Update 27 Nov 23

Ko-Fi thing

You can call me Nyarla, I guess.

Or "Yo She-Bitch." Either's cool.

Soooo I figured I might need to make one of those MASTERLIST things because I cannot stop writing (which is the most amazing feeling ever when I've been in a writer's block for months).

It's just One Piece Live Action right now, but as my confidence increases I might post some of my other fandom work.

I'm Open for Requests for OPLA fics and headcanon. Primarily Character X FemaleReader, but I'm flexible.

I do reserve the right to not write every single request that is asked, since I am human and my abilities do have limitations, but I swear I will try.

I'm not squeamish about much of anything, so don't refrain. I'll always post any necessary ⚠️Trigger Warnings⚠️ right here with the links.

I'm always open to requests for Shanks, Mihawk, Zoro, and Sanji. Possibly also Buggy, Luffy, Usopp, Koby, and Helmeppo, but I haven't written them much, so please bear with me if it takes me a bit to respond.

Honestly please bear with me if it takes me a while to respond to Asks/Requests in general because I get really nervous about getting them perfect.

Some things about the weirdo that's writing this shit can be found here

Masterlist

The Lovely Alphabet (NSFW)

Sanji

Zoro

Shanks

Mihawk

Dialog I Presently Have No Use For

(But might eventually) (basically mini dialogue-centric fics that may make there way into something else later or might not)

01 Get Out

02 Can We Keep Her?

03 What Happens in Loguetown

04 Coffins and Coping Mechanisms

05 Kitty

06 Send Help

07 Pep Talk

08 Death Wish

09 Oh No Not Again

10 Shanty Time!

11 No Sleep

12 The Throngler™

The Best Boys

First Kiss

Material Boys (NSFW)

I Don't Even Know Music Or Something?

Ooooh...Kinky ;D (NSFW)

In the Kitchen

HAMMERED

Because I Got High

Whoops

Short Stuff

Hobbies

ABCs of Kink (NSFW)

D is for Dominance (First Kiss sequal)

P is for Public Blacksmith's Daughter Part 1 . . . Part 2 . . . Part 3

Mihawk

Your Scars Are Mine (NSFW)

(Trigger Warnings for Self-Harm, Blood, Implied PTSD)

Ch. 1 . . . Ch. 2 . . . Ch. 3

Ten Years (unofficial sequel to YSAM) (NSFW)

Mood Swings (mostly SFW headcanons)

Hearing Problems (NSFW eventually)

Guess this is important

All OC Face Claims and Character Sheet Links

Ch.1 . . . Ch. 2 . . . Ch. 3 . . . Ch. 4 . . . Ch. 5 . . . Ch. 6 . . . Ch. 7

Sanji

Late Night Chats

X plus-sizeReader Headcanons (NSFW)

Tongue Ring headcanons

Zoro

Strawhat Stowaway Ch. 1 . . . Ch. 2

Shanks

Redhead suppremacy (sfw headcanons)

!!COMIMG SOON!!

(...I hope)

(Some titles subject to change)

Tongue Ring (F is for Food Play)

Blacksmith's Daughter part 2 (P is for Public, ABC's of Kink)

O is for O Denial

B is for Brat Tamer

[taylor-on-your-dash]

Writing Of 1989 Timeline

1989 changed Taylor's career forever. If Red had just sprinkles of pop sounds, 1989 was marketed as a pure pop album from the get-go.

While many fans and critics kind of expected that, it seems like:

Taylor didn't have a clear direction from the start (except for the cohesiveness): “I wanted it to be a sonically cohesive album, and it ended up really being the first I’ve done since Fearless. I also wanted the songs to sound exactly how the emotions felt. I know that’s pretty vague, so I really didn’t know where it was going to go, but I knew that I wanted to work with the collaborators I had such crazy electricity with on Red, like Max Martin. I wanted to do some things that sounded nothing like what we had done before.”

She knew that she didn't want another Red: “When people say that they like one of my albums, like when people told me that Red was their favorite album I'd done, I didn't take that as, 'So, I should make that again'. I took that as, 'Great, awsome, now I wanna make them like this new album just as much if not more than the last album.' But I want them to like it for different reasons.”

She was worried about the change of direction of her music: “I worry about everything. Some days I wake up in a mind-set of, like, ‘Okay, it’s been a good run.’ By afternoon, I could have a change of mood and feel like anything is possible and I can’t wait to make this kind of music I’ve never made before. And then by evening, I could be terrified of the whole thing again. And then at night, I’ll write a song before bed.”

October 17, 2012: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor writes This Love in LA. This will be the last song produced by Nathan Chapman and the only one recorded in Nashville.

“The last time I wrote a poem that ended up being a song, I was writing in my journal and I was writing about something that had happened in my life – it was about a year ago – and I just wrote this really really short poem. It said, 'This love is good /this love is bad / this love is alive back from the dead / these hands had to let it go free / and this love came back to me.' And I just wrote it down, closed the book and put it back on my night stand […] All of a sudden in my head I just started hearing this melody happen, and then I realized that it was going to be a song.”

Handwritten lyrics:

November 18, 2012: Taylor meets Jack Antonoff and his band, fun., for the first time in Frankfurt, Germany, while at the MTV Europe Music Awards. They bond over 80s music.

January 4, 2013: Taylor is seen in a boat without Harry Styles, ready to return to LA from the Virgin Islands.

She will wear the same dress in the Out Of The Woods music video (and also in Look What You Made Me Do)

January 10, 2013: Taylor tweets "Back in the studio. Uh oh...". She will confirm that the song was All You Had To Do Was Stay on October 27, 2014 on Tumblr.

Candids here;

“There’s a song on my album called 'All You Had To Do Was Stay.' I was having this dream, that was actually one of those embarrassing dreams, where you’re mortified in the dream, you’re like humiliated. In the dream, my ex had come to the door to beg for me to talk to him or whatever, and I opened up the door and I went to go say, 'Hi,' or 'What are you doing here?' or something — something normal — but all that came out was this high-pitched singing that said, 'Stay!' It was almost operatic. So I wrote this song, and I used that sound in the song. Weird, right? I woke up from the dream, saying the weird part into my phone, figuring I had to include it in something because it was just too strange not to. In pop, it’s fun to play around with little weird noises like that.”

January 11, 2013: Taylor is seen again at Conway Studios, likely to continue working on All You Had To Do Was Stay.

January 15, 2013: Taylor posts a picture of herself in the studio, with the caption "Somewhere in LA". She'll later reveal that she was writing How You Get The Girl.

“The song ‘How You Get The Girl’ is a song that I wrote about how you get the girl back if you ruined the relationship somehow and she won’t talk to you anymore. Like, if you broke up with her and left her on her own for six months and then you realize you miss her. All the steps you have to do to edge your way back into her life, because she’s probably pretty mad at you. So it’s kind of a tutorial. If you follow the directions in the song, chances are things will work out. Or you may get a restraining order.”

March 6, 2013: Taylor is seen going to a studio in LA.

March 23, 2013: Taylor posts a picture of herself playing guitar, which might mean that she was working on a new song: "Pre show. Columbia, South Carolina". This could be either Wonderland, New Romantics or a vault song.

May 27, 2013: While in Rhode Island for the Memorial Day weekend, Jack plays Taylor an instrumental track that will later become I Wish You Would.

“'I Wish You Would’ is a song that I wrote with Jack Antonoff and it was the first song we ever worked on together. I think, for this song, we wanted to create a sort of John Hughes movie visual with pining and, you know, one person’s over here and misses the other person but is too prideful and won’t say it. Meanwhile this other person is here and missing the same person; they’re missing each other but not saying it. And I had this happen in my life and so I wanted to kind of narrate it in a very cinematic way where it’s like you’re seeing two scenes play out and then in the bridge you’re seeing the final scene, where it resolves itself. So it says, 'It’s a crooked love in a straight line down, makes you wanna run and hide but it makes you turn right back around.’ It kind of is like that dramatic love that’s never really quite where it needs to be and that tension it creates.”

[Voice Memo Intro Transcript] “This is another way I’ve written songs recently. This is a song I did with Jack Antonoff, and Jack is one of my friends and so were hanging out and he pulled out his phone and goes ‘I made this amazing track the other day. It’s so cool, I love these guitar sounds.’ And he played it for me and immediately I could hear this finished song in my head, and I just said ‘Please, please let me have that. Let me play with it, send it to me.’ And so he sent it to me and I was on tour and this was me playing the track on my laptop recording me singing the vocal into my phone and it ended up being a song called 'I Wish You Would', because Jack wrote back and said ‘I love that’. So this is another way of writing, it’s writing to track.”

[Secret Sessions] “Taylor said that she wrote ‘I Wish You Would’ a couple of months after her and Harry Styles broke up, and they decided to become friends again and she said this was the first time she had become friends with an ex, to the point where they were comfortable enough to talk about why the relationship didn’t work out. She said he told her about how, after they broke up, he bought a house literally one road adjacent to hers. Every day he would drive home, and accidentally turn into her street, and he told her how he just wanted to stop at her house and see her, but he never did. She said this song is about while he was in the car making the decision to get out the car and see her, she was sitting in her bedroom, wishing he would make the move and go back to her and just pitch up at her house. She compared it to a classic John Hughes movie where both parties want the same thing but neither has the guts to say anything. Honestly, she spoke so fondly of that relationship.” [this is from a secret sessioner and therefore it should be taken with a grain of salt]

Between May 28 and June 2, 2013: Taylor writes I Wish You Would. She settled in Rhode Island basically all summer, so it's possible that she went to Jack's studio in New York by car without being seen and especially photographed, cause I couldn't find any pictures with the same outfit. Conway Studios are also credited but it's possible that she recorded background vocals there. Taylor was in LA in late August.

June 7, 2013: During an interview at the CMA Music Festival, Taylor confirms that she has started writing her next album.

[Transcript by me] “[The new album] is starting, all the anxiety is starting and when the anxiety starts, then the writing happens right afterward usually. I like to write for about two years before I'm finished with an album because at this point I kind of know that whenever I read in the first year is going to get away, because I'm going to like it but it's going to sound a little bit like the last project I had, and the second year usually ends up sounding like the next project. So I think at this point I feel like staying the same is the easy way to go but it's not the way that I want to go creatively. I think you need to challenge yourself, I think you need to change up your influences, I think you need to be inspired by different things that you've been inspired by before. It's harder to call people you don't know, it's harder to think of topics you haven't covered and think of new ways to say old emotions that everyone feels. I think one of the things that I'm happiest with in the last year is the acceptance level in country music for me experimenting and for me trying to evolve and challenge myself musically because I think it's never felt better to be on that stadium stage performing knowing that and so welcoming of change.”

July 13, 2013: After a show in New Jersey, Taylor has an interview with Rolling Stone, where she says that she has been writing a lot.

“The floodgates just opened the last couple weeks,” she says of the songwriting process. “I’m getting to that point where I’m irritating to be around because I’ll be with you for half the conversation and then the second half of the conversation I’m clearly editing the second verse of whatever I’m writing in my head. I really loved collaborating: you work with a lot of different people and you find the people you have this dream connection with in the studio. I know those people and I know the ones I want to go back to. But I also have a really long list of the people I admire and I would really love to go and contact. So that’s kind of where that is. I think that the idea of having a different approach to every single one of my albums is so exciting to me. I never want to make the same record twice. Why do it? What’s the point? It’s so overwhelming that when you’re starting a project there are such endless possibilities if you’re willing to evolve and experiment. If you’re willing to become a different version of yourself, you can really go anywhere with it. And that’s kind of where I am. The kind of the laboratory experimental stage of really catching onto a new thing that I’m liking.”

Somewhere around June and early September 2013: Taylor and Jack write Sweeter Than Fiction. No credits are available but we know that it's the second song on which Taylor and Jack worked, so that places it before I Wish You Would and Out Of The Woods.

In 2014, Lena Dunham (Jack's girlfriend at the time) posted this photo of Jack and Taylor working on the song at Jack's house.

September 15, 2013: Jack completes the instrumental track that will later become Out Of The Woods, after his show was cancelled.

[Jack Antonoff] “When I did the track for Out of the Woods, which is a Taylor song that I'm really proud of, there was some issue at a venue and our show was canceled that night and I didn't have my stuff, I had left it on the bus, so I only had these old samples on what was on my laptop, and caught up that 'oh oh'' thing, and I only had one drum kit on there, and these dumb little things sometimes turn into a great song.”

Somewhere around September and October 2013: Taylor writes Out Of The Woods.

Voice memo here;

[Jack Antonoff] Although Antonoff and Swift shared studio time for some of their other 1989 songs while working throughout 2014, “Out of the Woods” was completed as a long-distance collaboration. “She’s very natural -— when she gets an idea, it just happens very quickly. I would send her these tracks, and when an idea would happen, we’d be 5,000 miles apart or whatever, but she would start emailing me these voice notes like crazy and it would just be happening so quickly that there’d be this excitement. There’s a frantic feeling in the song,” he says. “What’s interesting about ‘Out of the Woods’ is that it doesn’t really let up. It starts with a pretty big anthemic vocal sample that’s me, and then there’s a drum sample that kicks in that’s kind of huge, and then you don’t really know how you’re going to get any bigger, but then the chorus hits and it just explodes even larger. And then the bridge hits, and it gets even more huge.“When I was working on the track, I was thinking a lot about My Morning Jacket,” Antonoff continues, “and how everything they do, every sound is louder than the last, and somehow it feels like everything is just f—ing massive. And that’s the feeling that I went for. It started out big, and then I think the obvious move would have been to do a down chorus, but the idea was to keep pushing.” Antonoff is excited to share the rest of his work with Swift on 1989, but he views “Out of the Woods” as a highlight on the project. “This song means a great deal to me. On a production level, on a writing level, Taylor’s lyrics and her melodies — there’s something very important about this song.”

[Jack Antonoff] “After 'I Wish You Would' and 'Sweeter Than Fiction', we did 'Out Of The Woods'. So it was the third thing we worked on together, and probably the easiest. I sent her the track for it, and she sent back a voice note with the verse and chorus in what felt like five seconds. And it was just perfect. It's eerie how similar it is to what the final product is.”

“It kind of conjured up all these feelings of anxiety I had in a relationship where everybody was watching, everybody was commenting on it. You’re constantly just feeling like, ‘Are we out of the woods yet? What’s the next thing gonna be? What’s the next hurdle we’re gonna have to jump over?’ It was interesting to write about a relationship where you’re just honestly like, ‘This is probably not gonna last, but how long is it gonna last?’ Those fragile relationships... It doesn’t mean they’re not supposed to happen. The whole time we were having happy memories, or crazy memories, or ridiculously anxious times, in my head it was just like, ‘Are we okay yet? Are we there yet? Are we out of this yet?’”

“That line is in there because it's not only the actual, literal narration of what happened in a particular relationship I was in, it's also a metaphor. 'Hit the brakes too soon' could mean the literal sense of, we got in an accident and we had to deal with the aftermath. But also, the relationship ended sooner than it should've because there was a lot of fear involved. And that song touches on a huge sense of anxiety that was, kind of, coursing through that particular relationship, because we really felt the heat of every single person in the media thinking they could draw up the narrative of what we were going through and debate and speculate. I don't think it's ever going to be easy for me to find love and block out all those screaming voices.”

October 21, 2013: Sweeter Than Fiction is released. Big Machine was originally not on board with the release since they wanted a dormant period between album releases.

Late 2013: Taylor writes Bad Blood, after Katy Perry announces her Prismatic World Tour.

“For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not. She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away, and I would think, ‘Are we friends,or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?’ Then last year, the other star crossed a line. She did something so horrible. I was like, ‘Oh, we’re just straight-up enemies.’ And it wasn’t even about a guy! It had to do with business. She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour. She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me. And I’m surprisingly non-confrontational – you would not believe how much I hate conflict. So now I have to avoid her. It’s awkward, and I don’t like it.”

“That was about losing a friend... But then people cryptically tweet about what you meant. I never said anything that would point a finger in the specific direction of one specific person, and I can sleep at night knowing that. I knew the song would be assigned to a person, and the easiest mark was someone who I didn’t want to be labeled with this song. It was not a song about heartbreak. It was about the loss of friendship.”

October 20 to 22, 2013: Taylor is in Cape Town (South Africa) shooting The Giver. One of the members of the cast is Alexsander Skarsgård. He is said to have inspired Wildest Dreams (or at least he's the most popular theory, as far as I know), because the music video is set in Africa and it features Clint Eastwood's son Scott as love interest, just like Alexsander is actor Stellan Skarsgård's son, but we don't actually know more about the song.

“I think the way I used to approach relationships was very idealistic. I used to go into them thinking, ‘Maybe this is the one – we’ll get married and have a family, this could be forever’. Whereas now I go in thinking, ‘How long do we have on the clock – before something comes along and puts a wrench in it, or your publicist calls and says this isn’t a good idea?’”

Note: Selena Gomez was present when Taylor wrote this song.

Handwritten lyrics:

November 19, 2013: Taylor records Blank Space. This is based on the wall behind her on an Instagram post from this day, the credits, and the behind the scenes clip.

Voice memo here;

Behind the Scenes here;

“Every few years, the media finds something they unanimously agree is annoying about me. 2012-2013 they thought I was dating too much, because I dated two people in a year and a half. ‘Oh, a serial dater. She only writes songs to get emotional revenge on guys. She’s a man-hater, don’t let her near your boyfriend.’ It was kind of excessive and at first it was hurtful, but then I found a little bit of comedy in it. This character is so interesting, though. If you read these gossip sites, they describe how I am so opposite to my actual life: I’m clingy, and I’m awful, and I throw fits, and there’s drama. An emotionally fragile, unpredictable mess. I painted a whole picture of this character. She lives in a mansion with marble floors, she wears Dolce & Gabbana around the house, and she wears animal print unironically. So I created this whole character and I had fun doing it.”

November 21, 2013: While at the American Music Awards, Taylor tells Billboard that she has around seven or eight songs ready.

[Transcript] “We got a lot already,” says Swift. “There are probably seven or eight songs that I know I want on the record. It’s really ahead of schedule for me. I’m just stoked because it’s already evolved into a new sound, and that’s all I wanted. And I would have taken two years to make that happen, but it just kind of happened naturally, so that’s all I could really ask for.”

December 2013: Taylor meets Diane Warren and they write Say, Don't Go.

[Diane Warren to Rolling Stone] Warren, who typically writes on her own, says the two of them “sat down and wrote the song,” which was released Friday as one of 1989 (Taylor’s Version)‘s vault tracks, “from scratch” during the last few days of 2013. She remembers being impressed with how specific Swift was with her lyricism and how considerate she was about how her fans might receive it. “She was very particular about how she said certain things. It was a really interesting experience. She gets her audience,” Warren says. “She’s deeply aware of how her fans want to hear something. I can’t explain it, but that’s probably why she’s the biggest fucking star in the world.”

2013: Taylor writes New Romantics and Wonderland. Not much is known about these songs, except that they were both written in 2013.

[About New Romantics] “People will say, 'Let me set you up with someone', and I’m just sitting there saying, ‘That’s not what I’m doing. I’m not lonely. I’m not looking.’ They just don’t get it. I’ve learned that just because someone is cute and wants to date you, that’s not a reason to sacrifice your independence and allow everyone to say whatever they want about you. I’m not doing that anymore. It’d take someone really special for me to undergo the circumstances I have to go through to experience a date. I don’t know how I would ever have another person in my world trying to have a relationship with me, or a family.”

New Romantics handwritten lyrics:

Wonderland Handwritten lyrics:

January 1, 2014: Taylor records Say, Don't Go.

[Diane Warren to Rolling Stone] Several days after writing the song together, they got into Warren’s office to record a demo, where Swift played it on her acoustic guitar. “We demoed it on New Year’s Day. And I’m a workaholic, and that’s fine for me,” she says. “But I remember being impressed that she did, too. Everybody’s on vacation, but she showed up.”

January 6, 2014: Taylor decides to look for a house in New York.

[Lover Journal] LA. So I've decided I want to look at places in New York. I know I went through this phase months ago, but it has to mean something that i've circled back to it, right? You know what they say, if you love something let it go and if it comes back... blah blah blah. so I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. Dating is awful. Love is fiction/ a myth. I'm over it all.

January 21, 2014: Taylor sends Ryan Tedder the I Know Places Voice Memo.

January 22, 2014: [From the 1989 Booklet] Taylor and Ryan finish and record I Know Places.

“I had this idea of like, when you’re in love, along the lines of 'Out of the Woods’, it’s very precious, it’s fragile. As soon as the world gets ahold of it, whether it’s your friends or people around town hear about it... it’s kind of like the first thing people want to do when they hear that people are in love is just kind of try to ruin it. I kind of was in a place where I was like, ‘No one is gonna sign up for this. There are just too many cameras pointed at me. There are too many ridiculous elaborations on my life. It’s just not ever gonna work.‘ But I decided to write a love song, just kind of like, ‘What would I say if I met someone really awesome and they were like, hey, I’m worried about all this attention you get?’ So I wrote this song called ‘I Know Places’ about, ‘Hey, I know places we can hide. We could outrun them.’ I’m so happy that it sounds like the urgency that it sings.”

January 23, 2014: Taylor and Ryan Tedder write Welcome To New York. Ryan produces a demo in three hours. This demo is the one included in the album.

“I wanted to start 1989 with this song because New York has been an important landscape and location for the story of my life in the last couple of years. I dreamt and obsessed over moving to New York, and then I did it. The inspiration that I found in that city is hard to describe and to compare to any other force of inspiration I’ve ever experienced in my life. It’s an electric city.”

[Ryan Tedder] “I thought we were going to walk in and start something from scratch because that's what I was used to. Then she calls me and says, 'Is it cool if I already have an idea?' I said, 'Sure.' She said, 'I have this song, I'm obsessed with New York and I just moved there, I want to write an ode to New York because no one's done it in a long time.' And then she sent me a voice memo. She's like, 'I want it to sound like the 1980s.' So the next day I brought in a Juno-106, which is a very 1980s keyboard, and I literally programmed that entire song right in front of her. It was very much on the fly, and that song was done in about three hours. And I did the rest of the production I think later that week.”

Handwritten lyrics:

January 26, 2014: Night of the 56th Grammy Awards. Taylor delivers a legendary performance of All Too Well, but loses the Album Of The Year Award to Random Access Memory by Daft Punk. This will prompt Taylor to make a "sonically cohesive" pop album.

[Lover Journal] January 25th. LA. It's the middle of the night and I was at the Clive Davis Party tonight which means... the Grammys are tomorrow. Never have I felt so good about our chances. Never have I wanted something as badly as I want to hear them say 'Red' is the Album of the Year.

“It was the night of the Grammys this year. I remember going home and playing a lot of the new music I had recorded for some of my backup singers and one of my best friends. We were all sitting in the kitchen and I was playing them all this music, and they were just saying, ‘You know, this is very eighties. It’s very clear to us that this is so eighties.’ We were just talking and talking about how it’s kind of a rebirth in a new genre, how that’s a big, bold step. Kind of starting a part of your career over. When they left that night, I just had this very clear moment of, ‘It’s gotta be called 1989.’”

“I woke up one morning at 4 a.m. and I decided the album is called 1989. I’ve been making ‘80s synth pop, I’m just gonna do that. I’m calling it a pop record. I’m not listening to anyone at my label. I’m starting tomorrow. I liked the idea of collaborating. But with 1989 I decided to narrow down the list. It wasn’t going to be 10 producers, it was going to be a very small team of four or five people I always wanted to work with, or loved working with. And Max Martin and I were going to oversee it, and we were going to make a sonically cohesive record again.”

January 2014: Taylor writes You Are In Love. This is actually speculation but it's based on (1) Taylor going to NY in early January and (2) Jack Antonoff confirming that it was the fourth song they did and (3) it's the only Antonoff-produced song that is copyrighted in 2014. Based on the credits, I'm pretty sure that Taylor and Jack worked on the song separately, with Jack recording the instrumental at the Jungle City Studios in NY (which is a studio that Jack used in 2014 to record Bleachers' first album Strange Desire) and Taylor recording the vocals at Conway Studio in LA.

“I wrote it with my friend Jack Antonoff who’s dating my friend Lena. Jack sent me this song, it was just an instrumental track he was working on and immediately I knew the song it needed to be. And I wrote it as a kind of commentary on what their relationship has been like. So it’s actually me looking and going, ‘This happened and that happened, then that happened and that’s how you knew you are in love.’”

“I’ve never had that, so I wrote that song about things that Lena Dunham has told me about her and Jack Antonoff. That’s just basically stuff she’s told me. And I think that that kind of relationship — God, it sounds like it would just be so beautiful — would also be hard. It would also be mundane at times.”

“We first worked on that song together and realized we kind of have a good thing, and the next thing we did was ‘Sweeter Than Fiction,’ which was on the [One Chance] soundtrack, and after that we did ‘Out of the Woods’ and another song called ‘You Are in Love.’

January 26, 2014: At the Grammy's, Diane Warren reveals that she and Taylor wrote a song together (aka Say, Don't Go).

[Transcript] “I worked with Taylor Swift on a great song. I don't even know what she's done [for her next album], I'm excited about the one that we did, it's pretty cool.”

[Billboard 2016 Interview] “I know [Swift] likes it, so hopefully it will see the light of day. I know she really likes the song. She didn’t want me to give it away, so hopefully that means she wants it.”

February 9, 2014: [From the 1989 Booklet] While in London, during the European leg of the Red Tour, Taylor and Imogen Heap write Clean in just 9 hours at Imogen's home studio. Taylor will sing the song just two times.

Voice memo here;

“'Clean' I wrote as I was walking out of Liberty in London. Someone I used to date – it hit me that I’d been in the same city as him for two weeks and I hadn’t thought about it. When it did hit me, it was like, ‘Oh, I hope he’s doing well’. And nothing else. And you know how it is when you’re going through heartbreak. A heartbroken person is unlike any other person. Their time moves at a completely different pace than ours. It’s this mental, physical, emotional ache and feeling so conflicted. Nothing distracts you from it. Then time passes, and the more you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not having a text message every morning saying, ‘Hello, beautiful. Good morning.’ You get used to not calling someone at night to tell them how your day was. You replace these old habits with new habits, like texting your friends in a group chat all day, and planning fun dinner parties, and going out on adventures with your girlfriends, and then all of a sudden one day you’re in London and you realize you’ve been in the same place as your ex for two weeks and you’re fine. And you hope he’s fine. The first thought that came to my mind was – I’m finally clean.”

“'Clean' is the last song on the album for a lot of reasons, but mostly because it felt like the complication of this emotional process I’ve been going through for the last couple of years. You know, I feel like my personal life was really, really discussed, and criticized, and debated, and talked about to a point where it made me feel almost kind of tarnished, in a way. And the discussion wasn’t about music. It broke my heart that I had made an album that I was proud of, and I was touring the world, and playing sold-out stadiums, and still they managed to only want to talk about my personal life. At a certain point I felt a switch and it was at the end of recording this album that I began to feel like my life was mine again and my music was at the forefront again. I was living my life on my own terms and I really no longer cared what people were saying about me. That was when I started so see people talk less about the things that didn’t matter.”

“I had this metaphor in my head about being in this house, there’s been a drought but you feel like there’s a storm coming. Instead of trying to block out the storm you punch a hole in the roof and just let all the rain come in, and when you wake up in the morning, it’s washed away.”

[Imogen Heap] “We met at my studio in London. She had the bare bones of “Clean.” She had the lyric, the chorus and the chords. I thought it was brilliant.I was really writing the tiniest amount just to help her do what she does. I put some noises, played various instruments on it, including drums, and anytime she expressed she liked something I was doing, I did it more. It was a really fun day. She recorded all her vocals during that one session. She did two takes, and the second take was it. We always thought she would probably re-record it, because we thought it can’t possibly be that easy. But after we lived with it for a few months, we felt it was great. I knew she loved it. She said she loved it and her mum loved it. But I wasn’t sure it would be included on the album. But everyone felt it had something special. It came together really magically.”

Imogen's detailed blog entry about this songwriting session.

[Taylor about Imogen Heap] “The coolest thing about Imogen for me was that there was no one else in the studio. There was no assistant; there was no engineer. It was her doing everything.”

February 11, 2014: Taylor gets a haircut. (I'm including this for funsies)

February 15, 2014: Taylor, Max Martin and Shellback write Shake It Off.

Voice memo here;

[Lover Journal] LA. This week I've been in the studio with Max and Johan every day and it has been the most creatively successful and fulfilling time. The first day, Johan just made a really up tempo drum beat because we decided we needed something up and light. We worked at it for a few hours before i just started singing "shake it off, shake it off, shake it off" And then the best way i know how to describe it is that the chorus just fell out of the sky. It ended up being this song about doing your own thing even though haters are gonna hate, and you just have to dance to your own beat. We all went home and I wrote the first and second verses and brought them in the next day. We wrote this chanty cheer leader bridge that I absolutely LOVE. We spent all day doing vocals and the next day recording the background vocals. I think it'll end up being the first single and Max said it's his favorite song he's ever been a part of.

[Max Martin during the lawsuit] “Shellback started out with a drumbeat. Shellback, Taylor, and I then collaboratively developed the melody and other lines of ‘Shake It Off’ to Shellback’s drumbeat. I did not write or provide any input into any lyrics in ‘Shake It Off,’ which were written entirely by Taylor.”

“I've had every part of my life dissected – my choices, my actions, my words, my body, my style, my music. When you live your life under that kind of scrutiny, you can either let it break you, or you can get really good at dodging punches. And when one lands, you know how to deal with it. And I guess the way that I deal with it is to shake it off.”

“The message in the song is a problem I think we all deal with and an issue we deal with on a daily basis. We don’t live just in a celebrity takedown culture, we live in a takedown culture. People will find anything about you and twist it to where it’s weird or wrong or annoying or strange or bad. You have to not only live your life in spite of people who don’t understand you, you have to have more fun than they do.”

February 19, 2014: Taylor, Max Martin, Shellback and Ali Payami write Style. This is the last song made for the album.

“I loved comparing these timeless visuals with a feeling that never goes out of style. It's basically one of those relationships that's always a bit off. The two people are trying to forget each other. So, it's like, 'All right, I heard you went off with her, and well, I've done that, too.' My previous albums have also been sort of like, 'I was right, you were wrong, you did this, it made me feel like this' – a righteous sense of right and wrong in a relationship. What happens when you grow up is you realize the rules in a relationship are very blurred and that it gets very complicated very quickly, and there's not a case of who was right or who was wrong.”

“This song is about those relationships that are never really done. You always kind of have that person, that one person who you feel might interrupt your wedding and be like, ‘Don’t do it cause we’re not over yet.'”

[Guitarist Niklas Ljungfelt] “I played on “Style,” a song I started with Ali Payami for ourselves. He was playing it for Max Martin at his studio; Taylor overheard it and loved it. She and Max wrote new lyrics. But I recorded the guitar on it before it was a Taylor song. It was an instrumental. I didn’t have a clue that Taylor would sing on it. The inspiration came from Daft Punk and funky electronic music.”

1989 is officially done!

[Taylor On Ryan Seacrest] “I'm pretty sure after we finished this one I knew the record was done. Shake It Off and Style were the last two songs to be written for 1989.”

February 19, 2014: While on tour, Ryan Tedder produces another three versions of Welcome To New York.

[Ryan Tedder interview] “I was in Switzerland on a tour bus, and I did four versions of 'Welcome to New York,' one of which I liked personally more, but the thing about artists is they become very obsessed with the demo. She was in love with the demo so no matter how hard I fought, she brought it back to the demo, so really what you hear is what I did on the first day.”

March 22, 2014: Billboard reports that Taylor and Ryan Tedder have worked together in LA in January

March 24, 2014: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor moves to New York.

[Lover Journal] So in the last few weeks, I've completely moved into my apartment in Tribeca. That's right, I'm writing this from my new bed in my new place, watching Law and Order with Meredith. Strangely, I've never felt more busy.

May 1, 2014: 1989 Photoshoot (I got this date from an insider)

May 29, 2014: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor chooses another photo for the cover, after having a nightmare of the previous one being not enough.

May 30, 2014: Taylor chooses the album cover.

[Lover Journal] Shanghai. So we got to China at around 2pm and I knew it would completely ruin me if I slept when i got to the hotel, so I decided to work out. WHY IS THIS PEN RUNNING OUT?! Just went to my purse and got my pen. So a crazy story unfolded in the last 24 hours. Last night, I had this vivid dream where the photo I'd chosen for the album cover wasn't good enough, intriguing enough, artful enough. it woke me up. I couldn't shake it and it stayed with me all day. Because that nagging feeling I'd been pushing back for weeks was now confirmed in my gut... it wasn't good enough. I went to the venue, mind racing, wandering if I'd have to do an entirely new photo shoot... I got to my dressing room with newer versions of the "cover" I looked at it and felt nothing. The team pulled up this new scanned file of the polaroids we had taken during the shoot. I saw it within 10 seconds. The shot. The cover. It's a polaroid of me sitting against a beige wall with a blue seagull sweatshirt on. You can see my red lips but the photo cuts off my eyes. For some reason unknown to me it's the most intriguing photo i've seen. I think it's the mystery of not seeing my eyes. Maybe it just looks effortlessly cool. The craziest moment came when something caught my eye. The cover photo is photo 13. I kid you not. I played a sold out show in Shanghai tonight and the crowd was amazing. Tomorrow we go to Tokyo, where they'll have the whole ticker tape parade at the airport. Smile and wave...

Mid To Late 2014: Taylor and Jack write Now That We Don't Talk.

[Tumblr Music] "Now That We Don't Talk is one of my favorite songs that was left behind. It was so hard to leave it behind, but I think we wrote it a little bit towards the end of the process, and we couldn't get the production right at the time. But we had tons of time to perfect the production this time, and figure out what we wanted the song to sound like, and I just think it's, I think it's the shortest song I've ever had. I think it packs a punch. I think it really goes in for the short amount of time we have, I think it makes its point."

Conclusive notes

What 1989 represented for Taylor:

“The 1980s was a very experimental time in pop music. People realized songs didn't have to be this standard drums-guitar-bass-whatever. We can make a song with synths and a drum pad. We can do group vocals for the entire song. We can do so many different things. And I think what you saw happening with music was also happening in our culture, where people were just wearing whatever crazy colors they wanted to, because why not? There just seemed to be this energy about endless opportunities, endless possibilities, endless ways you could live your life. And so with this record, I thought, 'There are no rules to this. I don't need to use the same musicians I've used, or the same band, or the same producers, or the same formula. I can make whatever record I want.'”

“In the past, I've written mostly about heartbreak or pain that was caused by someone else and felt by me. On this album, I'm writing about more complex relationships, where the blame is kind of split 50–50 ... even if you find the right situation relationship-wise, it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work.”

Bonus: Secret Messages

Author's note: I wrote this timeline around 2 years ago. While I found some dates later on, this is 100% my research. If you use this timeline for your posts, research or whatever, PLEASE, credit me! I'd be very thankful. This is 2 years of work.

Links to my other Timelines:

Writing of Fearless Timeline

Writing of Speak Now Timeline

Writing of Red Timeline

My Spreadsheet with a timeline overview

Credits:

Most of the quotes have been copy-pasted from Taylor Swift Switzerland.

Taylor Swift Pictures for the candids.

Heather from Nerdy by Nature for the WTNY handwritten lyrics picture.

[ladykailitha]

Royal Pain: Epilogue

I know I said I would hold off posting until the Christmas story was completed, but this one literally had one chapter left and it felt rude to make you wait for it.

Happy boys!

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4 Pt 5 Pt 6 Pt 7 Pt 8 Pt 9 Pt 10 Pt 11 Pt 12 Pt 13 Pt 14 Pt 15 Pt 16 Pt 17 Pt 18 Pt 19 Pt 20 Pt 21 Meta Pt 22 Pt 23 Pt 24|Pt 25|Pt 26|Pt 27|Pt 28

****

Six months later:

They were having a holiday plus everyone celebrating something awesome party.

It was held at Steve and Eddie’s new house. Steve had decided to move out the apartment and buy a house now that the business was so successful. And on their six month anniversary, Steve asked Eddie to move in with him.

It had two studios. A music one for Eddie, where he could write songs and the boys could practice so that they no longer had to rent out that garage.

The second one was for Steve to get his art degree. He was still running Royal Pain, but wanted to learn new styles and techniques that would help him become a better tattoo artist.

Chrissy, Robin, and Vickie had also moved into together, but into a bigger apartment that had three rooms so that they could all have their own space, but still remain a committed polycule.

Argyle and Chrissy were both full time tattoo artists, leaving time for Steve to go back to school.

Robin was going back to school, too. To become a translator.

Eden and Argyle were still a couple and expecting their first child in the summer.

Nancy and Jonathan remained broken up, with Nancy in therapy and Jonathan dating a friend of Miranda’s.

Jeff and Miranda were getting married in February, the reception to be held at the Nightmare Holes.

Mike and Will were official now, too and were in talks to move in together. They were trying to decide to move to Will’s apartment, Mike’s, or a find another apartment all together. One that was both their space.

Erica had moved to New York to be with Max and Lucas. But all of them were in town for the party. Having planned it around when the Knicks would be in town.

Hopper was loving Eden as his apprentice, hers almost being up. He was eyeing the first of the year to promote her.

Brian came out as ace and that Cecil was his platonic life partner and had been for the last couple of years.

Gareth and Gethin were still sharing the apartment, but they were still single. Gethin was always looking for the next Mrs Hughes, but Gareth was content to find out more about himself before diving into a relationship.

Dustin and Suzie were also expecting, but they had just found earlier that week.

The Binghams were so excited that two of their daughters were pregnant and were planning to come up in the summer to help with Eden’s baby and help Suzie get ready for hers.

They were all gathered around in the kitchen with a package that Murray had sent over that morning.

“Come on, Ed,” Wayne said softly. “Open ‘er up.”

Eddie nodded and tore the brown paper off the gift. He let out a choked out sob.

Steve put his arm around Eddie’s shoulder.

“Oh sunshine,” Steve breathed. “Show everyone.”

Eddie nodded and lifted it over his head so everyone could see.

There in a black frame and nestled in a white background was a gold record for their song, Pretty Boy Under Bright Lights. The first love song Eddie ever wrote for Steve. And it had just sold its five hundred thousand copy.

They all started cheering.

Steve kissed Eddie’s cheek fiercely. “See? I knew you could do it on your terms, Eds. You are a rockstar now.”

Tears ran down his cheeks nodding his head. Then he was surrounded by his band. They were hugging him and cheering.

Sometimes it really does work out for everyone. Even if didn’t happen the way they thought it would.

Eddie thought back to that day so long ago when Max had called him to let him know that she was leaving. He never thought that losing a tattoo artist would change his life forever.

Later that night, he pulled her aside.

“I owe you big time, Red,” he said, wrapping his arm around her.

Max grinned. “Hell yeah you do.”

“Anything you want, you’ve got,” Eddie promised. “My left kidney. My first child.”

She laughed. “When you two get married, I want to do matching tattoos on both of you.”

Eddie blinked. “Deal!”

Steve wandered over just then. “What’s a deal?”

Max grinned up at him. “Eddie just promised me that I get to do wedding tats when you two get married.”

Steve looked at Eddie and then back to Max. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

Max nodded once. “Damn straight it is.”

“Oh, honey,” Eddie teased. “There ain’t nothing straight about this relationship.”

She smacked his arm.

But Eddie just giggled.

“Come on,” Max said. “I want to see it.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “You saw it on my Insta.”

“It’s not the same and you know it,” she growled. “I want to see Steve’s masterpiece.”

Steve blushed. “Come on, Max...”

Eddie looked at his blush and then turned to Max. “Fine. But here and not out there where everyone can gawk.”

“Well, duh,” she said. “That’s why I asked now.”

Eddie took off his shirt and turned around.

“Oh shit,’ she hissed. “It’s even better than the pictures give it credit. Steve, this is incredible. There’s no way I could have done something like that.”

Steve ducked his head. “I really really like how it turned out.”

Eddie put his shirt back on. “Yeah. Me too. I just don’t like showing it off, because it’s so personal. Between me and Steve.”

Max nodded. “Yeah. Absolutely. Thanks for showing me.”

Eddie nodded back and wrapped his arms around, Steve. “Thanks for everything, Red.”

She waved them off. All she had done was leave. But they didn’t see it that way. So yeah, they owed everything to Max, for choosing to live her life on her own terms.

“Before we go back to the party,” Steve said. “I wanted to give you another present before we got to the main one later.”

Eddie’s shoulder sagged. “Babe you didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” Steve said scratching his cheek. “In fact it was something I’ve been meaning to give to you for a long time.”

He pulled out a brightly wrapped package the size of baseball.

“This isn’t a baseball, is it?” Eddie asked playfully.

Steve laughed. “No. It’s not that.”

Eddie removed the wrapping paper to find a small black velvet box. He opened it slowly.

“Babe, you can’t give this to me,” he begged. “This is the only thing you have left of your grandpa.”

Steve took it out and slid it on Eddie’s middle finger on his right hand. It fit perfectly. “I’ve been wanting you to have it since you gave me your lucky guitar pick. I wanted to give you something that was on the same level of importance to me that this was for you.” He tapped the pick gently that was under his shirt.

“It’s not–you’re not–”

Steve shook his head. “I will propose. Just not yet and not with that. You’ll get a ring on your left hand, sunshine. Make no mistake.”

Eddie nodded. “I love you, babe.”

“Steven Courtney Alexander Harrington you better not be making out in there!”

Eddie and Steve laughed and kissed deeply, then they walked back to the party, arms wrapped around each other.

“Right names, wrong order,” Eddie teased as they rejoined the group.

Robin blinked. “Wait, really?”

Steve nodded.

“I can’t believe you told him before you told me!” Robin hissed. “I was here first!”

“But I liked watching you guess,” he said laughing. Then he turned to the rest of the crowd. “Who told?”

Robin wiggled her shoulders smugly. “No one told me. I looked up your grandparents. They’re both pretty famous, after all.”

Steve sighed. “Again which of you told her to look it up?”

Robin’s jaw dropped and Vickie’s hand slowly went up.

“Traitor!” Robin said in mock outrage.

Eddie leaned down to see that Steve was pouting about her learning his middle name.

“Don’t worry about it, babe,” he said kissing Steve’s cheek. “We can make her guess my middle name.”

Steve immediately brightened up. “Oohhh. Yeah, okay. It’ll take her years to guess yours!”

“It’s Wayne,” Robin said confidently.

Wayne snorted from the corner. “You really think my deadbeat brother would name his son after me, the responsible one?”

She frowned.

Steve turned to Eddie gleefully. “You’re right, sunshine. Best game ever.”

Robin started shouting out names and it wasn’t even Eddie correcting her. It was Jeff, and Miranda, and Gareth, and Brian and everyone else who knew Eddie’s middle name.

And of course Steve knew it too, but he liked watching their friends and family laugh and try to guess. Because the truth was, Eddie didn’t have a middle name. Robin could guess forever and never get it right.

Steve curled up against Eddie’s side and sighed happily. It was his best year yet. And as long as he had Eddie by his side, they would all be great years to come.

END

****

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[grantabdl]

Going diapered 24/7.

Part 1: why I want to wear diapers full-time, as a 27 year-old

I’ve posted on here before that I recently started 24/7 diaper-wearing again. Well, I just hit 1 month of only wearing diapers, and using them exclusively for #1. So, I thought I would share my experience as to why I want to wear them. This is Part 1, which focuses on my history with diapers/accidents. Part 2 will focus on what it’s like now that I am 24/7 again.

I largely developed my desire to wear diapers because I had incontinence issues growing up. Specifically, I had “giggle incontinence” problems (I use quotations because, even years later, I find it difficult to admit that I have been incontinent for most of my life— but more on that later).

From the time I was “potty trained” (like 2.5-3 years old), I would wet myself whenever I laughed too hard— even if I didn’t feel like I had to go. It didn’t matter if I was laughing from a movie, or a joke, or even a bit of roughhousing with friends/family. And it never seemed to get better. Whenever I laughed too hard, I would completely void my bladder. I would wet myself at 18, just as I would when I was 4. I hated it. I hated the fact that laughing caused me so much stress. I hated knowing that watching a comedy movie would make me have accidents. Laughter is supposed to be fun— an expression of joy. But, for me, it just meant anxiety about hiding my accidents. Thankfully, I went to private schools my whole life; and, at all of them, we had to wear dark blue pants, which would hide wet stains pretty well. And, if an accident was too big, or difficult to hide, I could change without many people noticing (I always had a change in my lockers; or in a bag that I would pack for soccer). On a few occasions, I would also “spill” a drink onto my lap to cover up the wetness. If I wet myself during soccer, I would deliberately slide into mud to hide any stain on my shorts. I became so used to hiding accidents that it was just part of life.

At home, it was harder to hide. I was scolded more times than I can count for having accidents. I was told (at 18) that I “need to get ‘whatever *this* is under control” before college; and I was told (many times, as a teen— until I was 17 or 18) that, if I didn’t stop having issues, I’d be forced to wear diapers.

I still remember my first time being told that diapers were a possibility. They were presented as a punishment, or some kind of response to a perceived personal failure. I was about 11 years old, and with my mom, who knew that I had bladder problems (but not the extent of them, or what caused them). I mentioned that I needed to pee; and she treated it like a fire drill, because she had washed a pair of pee-stained underwear the day before, and had confronted me about it that morning— at that time, she knew I had issues with wetting, but she just thought I would randomly pee. There was no communication, because it was taboo for me to tell her about my problems. She would just tell me that I needed to “get over it,” whenever I would try to talk— though, I stopped trying to talk when I was about 10, and just started trying to hide the issue. So, on this day at the store (or any other day), she didn’t know that I never had issues holding it when I just had to pee— I only had accidents when I laughed too hard. But, returning to the story: she rushed me though the store like it was a fire drill; and I wasn’t too concerned. I had only mentioned needing to go, because I didn’t know where the bathroom was. Because I was unconcerned, I was drinking a coke as we walked (or, more aptly, ran) to the bathroom. As I took a sip, she smacked me over the head, and scolded me “you need to pee and you’re drinking a fucking coke, you idiot.” It was so funny, in the moment, that I bent over, laughing and wetting my pants. After the accident, I went to the car and she just bought me new pants. But, on the way home, I was scolded and told that I didn’t understand the severity of what was happening. I was told that I’d have to wear diapers if it kept happening. I never got the chance to explain what was going on, or what I wanted to do.

Looking back, I wish that her threat was true. No matter how many accidents I had— whether known or unknown— I never got a bit of protection. Not a diaper; nor a pad; nor even a “maybe we should see a doctor about this.” Instead, I hid them; and if my parents found a sign of an accident (wet underwear or pants) it was treated as me being wrong— like I wanted to piss myself.

So, I developed an infatuation with diapers, because they felt like the answer to my issue. I started to think, “if I’m going to be threatened with diapers, doesn’t that mean they’re a solution to my problem— even if that solution is embarrassing.” But, the threat never became reality. This line of thought started when I was 12-13. I remember googling “can a teen need diapers” or “is it normal to pee yourself as a teenager.”

When I was 16, I got my driver’s license, and while my parents were away for work, I did what all future ABDL’s do. I drove to Walmart, and bought my first pack of depends. I had already seen ABDL porn (as a result of the aforementioned google searches), and knew that it turned me on. So, I can’t say the purchase was entirely to relax my stress from accidents. By that time, my laughing accidents had even calmed down a bit— I was only having issues a few times a month. But, as soon as I tried them, I loved the feeling of diapers— both sexually and for the relief they brought. I even remember putting one on for the first time, and feeling like all the stress in the world had melted away. The first thing I did when I got home, was watch “Step Brothers” which only a few years before, had made me wet myself with laughter 4-5 times when I first saw it. The contrast in those experiences, was insane. I felt so “okay” with myself in the diaper, whereas I hated myself when I was failing to hold an accident when I first saw Will Ferrell rub his nuts on a drum set 😂

I mentioned that my accidents slowed down around 16-17, and that’s true. By the time I was 18-19, it was a once-per-year kind of thing, and I spent college mostly dry, but still infatuated by diapers. That’s when I really started exploring ABDL on social media, and considering it a kink that I wanted to be involved with. But, I was in a fraternity at the time; so I only got to indulge wit it on occasion. It was more of a “see don’t do” experience at the time.

But, when I went to law school, I was on my own for the first time. I had my own apartment; and plenty of money to enjoy my fetish. I started getting more involved with the community; and I started wearing diapers more often, when I was alone.

Because of law school stress, and the drinking culture that surrounds it, it wasn’t uncommon for me to come home, and put on a diaper, to decompress while drunk. After a few months, I started wearing every night when I didn’t have friends over. My (almost) nightly routine was to throw on a diaper, grab a beer (or 5), and smoke a blunt on my apartment’s roof. Without even realizing it, I followed the exact steps that you will see on here to become a bedwetter— getting used to diapers; wetting in any position; and drinking lots before bed.

Looking back, it’s unsurprising, that this routine turned into me developing a bedwetting habit. At first, I think it was psychological— like I would wake up slightly, realize I was in a diaper, and wet before going back to sleep. But, I started wetting when I wasn’t wearing to bed; and I even had accidents with friends/hook-ups in bed with me. I always blamed it on alcohol, until I eventually confessed to one friend that I had incontinence issues and a diaper fetish— but she was incredibly considerate. I think this is when I started thinking that it was okay to wear diapers— due to both real accidents, and personal desires.

Around this time, I also focused my serious dating relationships on people in the ABDL community. A few were surprised when they realized I was actually a bedwetter, since it’s such a common trope/fantasy within the community. That really helped me embrace this part of me; and I’ll always be grateful for those who were involved.

About 2 years ago, I started working from home when I became in-house counsel and left litigation to do transactional work. And, with some help, I decided to go 24/7 at that time. This lasted for several months, but I don’t think I ever fully committed to it at the time.

But, a month ago, and after a lot of thinking, my wonderful mommy and I decided that I should try 24/7 again. She’s incredibly supportive, and has helped me realize this is something I should do.

I realize now that medical issues made me incontinent as a kid/teen. And that hatred of being incontinent manifested itself in me searching for a solution (albeit, one that was presented as a sign that there was something wrong with me).

Earlier today, I was texting my mommy; and I told her that I feel like going 24/7 now, is a “redo” of past experiences. I wish I had diapers when I was younger. But they were always presented as a sign that there was something wrong with me; and they were never actually offered as a solution— just a threat. But, now, I get to wear diapers. while accepting that being incontinent was just part of who I was/am. When I was a teenager, I would’ve killed to make the accidents go away. And, while I was told to dread the idea of diapers, I also came to view them as a saving grace.

I’ll post more in part 2. But I suppose I just wanted to vent about my experiences, and how I got to this stage.

[eddiemunsons80sbaby]

Nobody's Fool: Chapter 28

Pairing: EddieXReader

Summary: You have bartended for years after you were forced to drop out of college due to family circumstances. You have dated your fair share of musicians, had your heart broken by one particular one, and have learned they are not be trusted. You have sworn off of them for the rest of your life. Then, one night, a new band plays at the bar, and against your better judgement, you can't help noticing the lead singer and guitar player. Could he possibly be different from the ones who came before him?

Warnings: 18+ Only due to eventual smut and language. There is also a toxic family relationship with a narcissistic mother if that is triggering for you.

Masterlist

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27

Nine Months Later

“Seriously, what are you planning?” you asked. 

“It’s a surprise,” Eddie laughed. “Shit, you are so bad at surprises.”

“I don’t like not knowing what’s going on,” you pouted. “You’ve been secretive for two weeks and now I have to go shopping with Nancy and do exactly what she tells me. It’s weird.”

“It’s not weird. I'm trying to be romantic, damn it,” he said, kissing you. “So just get with the program.”

“Fine, but I don’t have to be happy about it.”

“You are so goddamn stubborn.”

“And you love me anyway,” you smiled.

“That I do,” Eddie agreed, pulling you close. 

The last nine months had been pure bliss. You should have taken a sledgehammer to those barriers you'd tried to put up against him long before you did. You knew you would never get bored of him, never want to look at anyone else and you also knew he wouldn’t either. You had never been so sure of anything as you were of the two of them. 

Your mom had to do time, six months in the county jail. You had not spoken to her again since that night when she hung up on you. Your mom had tried to call collect a few times but it stopped after you had refused the calls every time. Yes, that woman was your mother, she had given you life, but that was all she had done. You were at peace with your decision to cut that diseased limb from your family tree. You didn't owe her anything.

You had begun seeing a therapist and Eddie had been completely supportive of your decision. The therapist was the one who recommended that you walk away from your toxic parents and embrace the family you had created around yourself instead. Following that advice had been like finally dropping the anchor that had been dragging you under the tides for far too long. 

You realized you didn’t need to focus on those you had been stuck with through blood. Eddie, Jen, Robin, Nancy, Steve, and the others were your family now. You couldn’t have created a more perfect support system than them.

The therapist also helped you see that you had never really been in love with Sebastian. You hadn’t mourned the loss of him in your life. You had mourned the idea that there was someone out there who loved you. You honestly wished you would have made the choice to go to therapy a long time ago, but it was hard to admit that you were such a mess that you needed professional help. Your friends hadn’t made you feel embarrassed about it once and Eddie had been your biggest advocate, only wanting you to do what you needed so you could be your best self.

After Nancy arrived, she dragged you from the house and drove you into town. You tried to get her to spill what was going on but she was tight lipped. She parked and the two of you headed into one of the boutiques downtown. You were immensely confused. This place sold fancy dresses and stuff. What would you need from here? You weren't sure you even owned a fancy dress. You and Eddie were not exactly fancy people.

“Well, come on,” Nancy smiled. “First stop is picking out a pretty dress.”

“And why do I need a pretty dress?”

“No questions, remember?” Nancy reminded you. “I promise it will all be worth it.”

You sighed but followed her in. Nancy must have had you try on fifteen different dresses before she clasped her hands, squealing at the last one. It was sage green. The bodice had spaghetti straps and was fitted with applique leaves. The bottom flared out like a ball gown. Layers of tulle flared out around you, vines of the applique leaves winding down it in various places.

“Oh my god, this is it,” Nancy squealed. “It’s gorgeous. It brings out your eyes and it looks so like spring with everything blooming and growing.”

“Okay, so glad we found the perfect dress. Just wish I knew what the hell I needed a poofy dress for,” you sighed.

Nancy rolled her eyes, “Seriously, just stop being such a pain in the ass and go with it. Okay, take it off and bring it out so I can pay.”

“Why are you paying for my dress?”

“Eddie is paying for the dress,” she said. “He gave me the money already.”

You sighed, changing out of the dress and back into your comfortable jeans and shirt. Nancy paid and you headed back to the car. You really wanted to know what the hell was going on. This was so strange. You wound up at Nancy and Steve’s house. You followed her in and Nancy told you to sit as she began gathering stuff from her bathroom. Walking out, she had a make-up case, a curling iron, hairspray, and way too many bobby pins.

“Whoa, what are you doing?”

“Hair and make-up,” Nancy said as if it should be obvious. “We need to make you beautiful for that very beautiful dress. Now, sit still and let me work my magic.”

You sat, reminding yourself that you loved Eddie more than life itself and this seemed to be important to him. So, you allowed Nancy to do your make-up and mess with your hair. It wasn’t that you didn’t wear make-up or fix your hair but you were usually pretty minimal. Your whole get ready and get out the door routine took about fifteen minutes. This was becoming a two hour affair. 

“Okay, all done,” Nancy finally said, smiling. “Now, go put the dress on.”

“Fine,” you muttered, grabbing the dress and heading into her bathroom. You pulled it on, managing to zip up the back and turned to look in the mirror. Holy shit. Nancy was like a fairy godmother. Your hair was pulled up, with a few soft curls framing your face on each side. Your face looked soft and pretty. Damn, you even had cheekbones and really long lashes. You didn’t think you'd ever thought you'd looked so pretty before. Nancy had highlighted your eye color perfectly and the dress just made them pop more. 

“Wow,” Nancy breathed as you walked out of the bathroom. “You look so beautiful.”

“Thank you. You’re in a fancy dress too,” you commented, noticing she had changed into a purple satin dress. 

“Yep,” she simply said. “Let’s go.”

You were back in the car, but you were a bit more interested in paying attention this time. You assumed this was your final destination and you were dying to know what this was all about. However, Nancy pulled up to Hawkins High School and you were even more confused than you had been before. Seriously, what was going on?

“The high school?” you asked.

“That’s where we are,” Nancy said. “Come on.”

Nancy got out and headed into the school. You followed, looking around. You had been here quite a few times over the last nine months to surprise Eddie with lunch on days when you had to work at night. That way you could still sneak in some time together. But you didn’t know what the hell you were doing here on a Saturday night. Nancy was leading you toward the gym. When you got to the door, she stopped.

“Go on in,” she smiled.

“Okay…”

You pushed the door open and froze in place. What were you seeing? The whole gym was decorated in glittering silver stars, sheets of tulle fell from the ceiling with twinkle lights twined through. Blue and silver balloons were in bunches all around with a disco ball hanging from the middle of the ceiling. There was a big cardboard painting of Van Gogh’s starry night as a backdrop for photos. There was a table with a punch bowl and a variety of snacks. Hanging above the table was a big banner that said “Starry Night Prom 1993.”

“What in the…” you began.

“Welcome to your prom.”

You spun and there was Eddie. He looked so handsome in black jeans, a white button up shirt, and a black jacket. His hair was pulled back into a bun, a few strands falling loosely around his face. 

“Jesus, you look absolutely beautiful. That dress is amazing,” he breathed, walking over to you. 

“Thank you. I...Eddie, what is all this?” you asked, laughing and gesturing to the gym around you.

Eddie held up a box, opening it. Inside was a beautiful corsage of white and pink roses with baby’s breath. He slid it onto your wrist. 

“Well, you told me you didn’t get to go to your prom, and even though I went and mine was lame, I didn’t want you to miss out,” he said softly, his lips pushed out in an adorable little pout. “Besides, I wanted a do-over prom because if I would have gone with you, it would have been perfect.”

“This is insane,” you breathed, looking up at him. “Did you do all this?”

“God no,” he said quickly, laughing and shaking his head. “I asked my boss if we could have the gym for the night. But the decorations, I had a lot of help with. I should say they were mostly Nancy, Jen, Robin, and Vicki. This gym would not look nearly this good if it would have been just me.”

“They did an amazing job. I love the theme. It’s beautiful,” you said.

“Oh, that was my idea,” he smiled. “I was thinking about our first night together.”

“Aww. That's so sweet. You are so sweet. Thank you.” You wound your arms around his neck, kissing him. Your heart felt like it could dance out of your chest and across the room. Damn, this man was so perfect. “So, we’re just going to dance and snack, just me and you?”

“Nope. Come on in!”

The doors opened and in came Jen and Kyle, Nancy and Steve, Robin and Vicki, and Jeff and Gareth with two girls you didn’t know. You burst out laughing. They were all dressed as if it was prom even though they were all twenty five and well past their prom days. 

“Oh my god!” you yelled, clapping your hands.

“I think someone spiked the punch!” Robin yelled, shaking a bottle of vodka. 

You were completely overwhelmed. You had spent so much time thinking you weren't worthy of love, thinking no one would ever care enough about you. Looking around this gym, you remembered what Eddie had said to you so long ago. The people you choose are often worth more than the ones you’re stuck with. He was so right. These people in this room were worth everything and they all loved you and thought you were worthy. This right here, this was your family, and you had never wanted anything more.

Steve walked over to a giant boombox and suddenly you heard a familiar song coming through the speakers. Eddie took you in his arms and you pressed your cheek against his chest, your arms wrapping around his back, your hands gripping his shoulders. 

Wise men say

Only fools rush in

But I can’t help falling in love with you

Shall I stay

Would it be a sin

If I can’t help falling in love with you

Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

Darling so it goes

Some things are meant to be

Take my hand

Take my whole life too

For I can’t help falling in love with you

“I love you Edward Munson,” you whispered, tears stinging your eyes as you swayed softly to the music. “This is so wonderful. No one has ever done anything so thoughtful for me before. How did I get so lucky?”

He smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “You were smart enough to hop on the back of my bike.”

“Such a smart decision,” you agreed with a smile.

“The smartest.”

“Can I keep you?” you asked, gazing up at him, your hand resting on his cheek. 

“Forever sweetheart,” Eddie grinned, his lips finding yours again. 

Being in his arms with the sound of your friends dancing and laughing, filled you with the same warmth you used to feel from sitting in the sunshine. The warmth melted away all of the worries and concerns and fears you had ever felt. At this moment, all of the walls you had tried to build for so long were demolished completely and you knew you'd never have to rebuild them again.

The End

Thank you so much for reading!

Taglist

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[nevermindirah]

Who talks to who, for how long and about what, in The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince Bythewood?

I got curious and so I watched the movie taking a lot of timestamp notes. way back three and a half years ago now, I watched this movie for the first time bc I like gritty action movies, and it's a really good one of those. I'm still obsessed with it all this time later because it's full to the brim with well-drawn characters who have compelling relationships with each other, and boy howdy does the data show it.

I was especially curious about who spends how much time alone together on screen, so I coded all the scenes with that in mind, and I found some really interesting patterns in the breakdown of scenes where just two characters talk, where one character is the sole focus, and when three characters talk.

the winners of course are Nile and Andy, our dual protagonists, who spend 10% of the movie's total runtime alone together. they also spend a lot of time with our dual friendly antagonists, Booker and Copley. scenes featuring combinations of just these four characters make up 40% of the total runtime.

Joe and Nicky show up less in this analysis because they're side characters who mostly appear in group scenes, but wow are they richly drawn side characters. they're key players in all but two scenes where four or more named characters talk.

read on for many numbers and much analysis of what it all means!

Andy Nile 0:12:20 Nile Booker 0:06:00 Andy Booker Copley 0:05:22 Andy Booker 0:05:01 Andy Nile Booker 0:04:56 Nile Copley 0:04:18 Nile alone 0:04:07 Andy alone 0:03:31

Andy Celeste 0:02:49 Merrick Copley 0:02:41 Joe Nicky 0:02:24 Nile Dizzy Jay 0:01:33 Andy Quynh 0:01:31 Andy Nile Merrick 0:00:52 Booker alone 0:00:32 Copley alone 0:00:28 Nicky Kozak 0:00:27 Booker Quynh 0:00:21 Copley Keane 0:00:09

(the spreadsheet, if anyone's interested in digging deeper with me)

of the 12 min that our main characters are alone together on screen, almost fully half is super duper antagonistic:

4:26 is the kidnapping sequence

1:29 is their conversation outside after Nile's nightmare featuring the iconic "me and those three men in there will keep you safe" "like Quynh?"

and 7 seconds is Nile glaring daggers at Andy after walking over all those bodies in the church

the other half breaks down like this:

2:14 is them connecting over their mortal families — where Andy makes Nile give her phone back at the end

1:45 is Nile telling Andy she's not doing this, that she's going back to her family — Andy pushes with "we'd do the same for you" but then relents and gives Nile the car

50 seconds of them gearing up for the last segment of the fight — Nile tries to get Andy to wear a bulletproof vest, she jokes around with "is this gonna be like the last signal?" — it's operations-focused but there's a real warmth between them by this point in the movie (this scene starts at 1:41:45, just 13 min before the credits roll)

and 1:29 of Andy looking at Nile like she hung the moon (which, extremely valid and relatable!) and Nile saying that the time Andy's got left "you're gonna spend it with us"

Nile has an uninterrupted 4:18 sequence with Copley that speed runs the same general shape of her arc with Andy, hella antagonistic to teamwork, though the latter here is more of a professional camaraderie than the real warmth we see Nile develop for Andy.

in this context Nile's arc with Booker is remarkably different. their first scene alone together is 1:11 in total, intercut with Andy killing mercs elsewhere in the church, and it's sort of their only scene with friction between them. Booker keeps telling Nile to wait for the signal without explaining what that means, annoyingly continuing Andy's grand tradition of not fucking answering Nile's reasonable questions, ugh. though another way of framing this is of course that he's too busy packing her a change of clothes while showing off his tits for her. as I noted in a previous meta, the end of this sequence is the one time Booker lies to Nile (claiming he doesn't know who the mercs are when he has at least a basic idea, though we don't know for sure whether Copley involved him in this specific plan).

after this Nile and Booker have two more scenes alone together and they're both extended conversations: 3:14 for their conversation alone in the cave after Andy leaves, and 1:18 when Nile joins Booker on the balcony outside the bar. both of these conversations are remarkably intimate for how little these characters have interacted beforehand. remember, 6:02 total of Nile and Andy alone together with heavy animosity (Andy shot Nile in the head ffs!) before things between them started to warm up. granted, the conversation where they first start to warm to each other is right after Nile's cave scene with Booker and Andy's scene with Celeste, so an argument could be made that this was the point in the movie where Nile started to feel ready to open up to the other immortals generally and her first one-on-one conversation once she got there was with Booker before Andy. I'm not saying you have to ship them just because they get so close so quick, but the numbers sure do make it clear that us BoNers aren't making this shit up out of nowhere.

Nile and Booker's heart-to-heart in the mine is the third-longest one-on-one conversation in the whole movie — third after Andy kidnapping Nile and Nile's sequence with Copley, which are both heavy on action and exposition and antagonism, making this the longest intimate conversation in the movie. their other heart-to-heart, 1:18 on the balcony outside the pub, is on par with Joe and Nicky's 1:17 in the van.

there's also a 51 sec sequence during the Merrick tower fight where it intercuts pretty much equally between three subsets of the action: Andy going off on her own with an axe, Joe waiting for Nicky to wake up after that head shot, and Nile and Booker being drift compatible when Nile's gun jams. we're not making this shit up out of nowhere.

ok back to our blorbos in chief. we get 4:07 of Nile as the sole focus, and 3:31 of the same for Andy.

the sequence of Nile going through hell on base just because she fucking lived (laser eyes @ her squad forever) lasts 1:14 and includes a few lines from minor characters. we get 15 sec of her first dreaming of the others and waking up unmoored, then a 20 sec reprise with her nightmare of the first person she killed. the sequence of her driving away from Copley's then figuring out what the empty gun clip means is 48 sec. and then, one of the things that stood out to me the most in really digging into these numbers: just how frequently and for how long the camera lingers on Nile's face in this movie.

extended closeups of Nile with no dialogue and no montage:

10 seconds staring at the car she crushed, killing Merrick in the process but somehow not herself

36 seconds in the elevator

and a whopping 44 seconds of listening to Frank Ocean

that's fully 1 minute and thirty seconds of this movie's 2 hr 5 min credits-included runtime devoted exclusively to long takes of Nile Freeman's face.

Andy's sole-focus time is a little less tidy, because the majority of it isn't precisely focused on her like with Nile. we get 15 sec of her staring at her hand, realizing her immortality is gone. I could have coded all the pieces of the movie more granularly to find all the moments where we get Andy reaction shots, but I also could've done that with all of them and I'm but one humble spreadsheet lover, and it's more interesting to me that Gina primarily uses other kinds of film language to put us into Andy's perspective.

1:35 of her cutting through all those mercs in the church — other people are active in this scene, but they're not shown as people, and the horror of that is exactly the point, for the viewer, for Nile, and for Andy herself

41 sec of her voiceover at the opening of the movie, over clips of the kill floor scene

1 min of her moodily sitting in the car after the pharmacy and flashing back to Lykon's death

the Andy/Quynh flashback sequence that's a subset of Nicky and Joe narrating to Nile is 1:31, so counting that alongside this flashback here brings us to a total of 2:31 of Andy/Quynh(/Lykon) alone together screen time. almost precisely equal to Joe and Nicky's total 2:24 alone together.

further underlining Booker and Copley as our tritagonists, we get one scene of on-screen alone time for each of them: 32 seconds of Booker being drunk six months later and 28 seconds of Copley reacting to the kill floor footage. it's easy to focus on the Andy in a Union uniform element of this Copley scene, but a photo of his late wife is visible in almost every frame. I went back and double checked — only 3 sec of those 28 don't contain that photo of his wife displayed proudly between the kill floor footage and the Civil War photo, 3 sec of Copley in closeup. now that's what I call environmental storytelling.

we get almost exactly 5 min each with the sets Andy + Booker + Copley, Andy + Booker, and Andy + Nile + Booker. ABC and ANB conversations tend toward driving the plot and fleshing out detail about immortality, though a decent chunk of ANB in the "is this a Rodin?" part of the cave scene is Nile and Booker talking about following the money (their first moment of drift compatibility!) while Andy angsts nearby, and a decent chunk of ABC at Copley's place is Andy and Booker's heartbreaking "this is what you wanted" "not like this" exchange while Copley awkwardly hovers. just under half of Andy and Booker's 5:01 on screen alone together is about his betrayal, 2:13 across three scenes. the other half breaks out pretty evenly between them talking about Nile, making battle plans, and just being pals.

has any mid-budget gritty action movie ever done it better? even the infodumps are full of character and relationship details.

I also find it noteworthy that Booker and Copley are never alone together, and they never directly acknowledge anything about their relationship. we know from what they tell other characters that they've been in contact before the events of the movie, probably for some time in some detail. we know they worked together to ultimately enable the cartoon-villain antagonists to do their villainy. Copley is direct about how these results were absolutely not what he intended, and we can infer from Booker's behavior that he wasn't aiming for decades of medical torture either. but we get no information about how they feel about each other. now that I'm looking at it with this frame, it seems like the absence of information is itself a kind of telling — Booker and Copley maybe purposefully avoiding 1:1 contact, purposefully treating each other as mere acquaintances when others are around, because to do otherwise would be to look their guilt in the eye. oh shit I think I might have given myself a whole new meta idea on this tangent here: Copley and Booker as mirrors for each other.

disclaimer as we're nearing the end that there's inevitably going to be bias and error in something like this. I measured by seconds not milliseconds and I wasn't always precise about where I paused to note timestamps at scene changes. sometimes I included what ended up amounting to several seconds of establishing shots and sometimes I didn't. and there are a bunch of edge cases where there's more than one way to count who was an active part of which scenes, like for example:

I separated out Andy and Booker's opening motorcycle stalking and Don Quijote chat from the later part of what was probably just one scene in the script, where Booker talks to the hotel clerk while Andy interacts with tourists nearby

I included all as one Nile + Dizzy + Jay scene the sequence where Dizzy and Jay talk to each other about Nile before they go into the med tent and act shitty to her face about how Nile's still alive

I counted as Copley + Merrick the conversation in the car where Keane and Kozak are present and react on camera but don't have lines per se

similarly I counted as Andy + Booker the "she wants to talk to her family" exchange after Nile and Nicky leave the dinner table; Joe's still sitting there next to them but he doesn't say anything and the camera doesn't focus on him

I didn't try to delete the time where Andrei said/did stuff from the 4:26 Andy kidnaps Nile sequence but I did remove a Keane cut-away from a later Andy + Nile scene

so much has already been lovingly written about how well Joe and Nicky spend their short on-screen alone time and rightly so. I don't have anything new to add there so I'll take a moment instead to shout out to the 27 sec of Nicky telling Kozak to go fuck herself, and also the iconic Joe headbutting Merrick. fuck, this movie is so so good. every moment is a delight.

[rice-pudding-slaps]

i hate the night before september eleven. i always have problem sleeping and then being awake. now I'm close to La Moneda. It's even more frightening knowing there's a left leaning president in office. Will they kill him? Do I have to run? Should I start planning a way out? I get so anxious. My granparents survived the prosecution, my parents did too. And they still look over their shoulder thrice when cops are gathering. I look over my shoulder thrice and do two lefts when I see a cop too close. And I haven't ever even touched a political party. 50 years. My dad is 50. I'm not even half of that. Double my life we're living with this nightmare and the shadow keeps growing over all generations. My brother is 15. I was 9 when my dad told me how they threw the bodies of tortured people into the sea. My sibling is 18. I went to my first protest at 11. My grand aunt is 89. Last elections she tried to give us her cents of a pension to get out of the country before the military started hunting leftists again. I was 2 when my dad put on Victor Jara for the first time on the radio for me. I was 8 when I learnt they tortured and killed him. He was 46. He had a young daughter. I can't learn the more than 1400 names of people that disappeared to never be found again. Ruth Escobar was 27 when she disappeared. I'm 22. We both come from the same city and we travel to study in the capital. We're both artists. She disappeared 49 years ago. Her family still looks for her. My grandpa said that I shouldn't get into student politics cuz they can make me disappear. He doesn't remember my name anymore. Dementia took that away. But he remembers how his students were taken away. It's a phantom that will never go away. The fear is so strong. And every September 11 I don't sleep. I listen to Allende's amazing speech. History is ours, of the people that make it. Much sooner than later the biggest avenues will open and free men will walk to make a better world. It's so weird. I want to fight so it never happens again. So kids don't grow up fearing waking up to the nightmare their parents went through. I wasn't alive when it happened. And yet. It feels too close. I will fight so never again happens. So that no one forgets and no one gets forgotten. 50 years. 50 years and counting

[alovesreading]

Constant Repeat | Part 6

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.

Word Count: 28.5k

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.

A/N: The last one ended in quite an intriguing note, didn't it? Hope this one answers some questions but I can't promise there's not gonna be more to rise by the end of it lol. Very much excited to see how you lot react to this one, I absolutely adore reading you reactions every time! It's a little roller coaster from now on I'd say... Enjoy!

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 |

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(27/07/2012 16:10) Holy shit Alex! The Olympics opening ceremony?! Congratulations!! You and the guys did amazing!!!

Alex was on a high, his hands had been shaking ever since they had been told they were due on stage at the Olympic Stadium in fifteen minutes, his heartbeat thud in his ears even after having come back to the box they had been assigned to watch the rest of the ceremony; so when his phone buzzed and he saw Ella's name on his screen, he thought it was all a figment of his imagination.

But ten minutes later, when he ended the call with Andy Nicholson who had called to congratulate them, Alex had seen her name still swimming between the mass of messages he had gotten. He paused for a few seconds, his finger hovering over her name while he asked himself if he was actually seeing correctly.

When he went on her chat, he was met with the multiple texts he had sent back in February and she ignored, a bitterness came up his throat as it was still lingering even after it being months since it had happened, but just below those forgotten texts was the one she had sent him over twenty minutes before.

It was the first text he'd gotten from her after a little more than five months of no contact, no calls, no texts, no 'just watched this movie and you are gonna love it!', no 'the guitars in this song are something out of this world', not even a text when the 'R U Mine?' music video had come out just a week after she had run off set.

He missed her and he had thought of texting her every day for the first month but he was a coward and had no idea what would've been the best way to approach her since he really had no proper clue of what had happened and, if he was being honest, the blatant avoidance from her part had hurt his ego and a part of him was waiting to see if she'd be the one to reach out.

So, as his attention was taken over by Arielle, he let the days go by and waited for a chance in which they could talk again and maybe take the opportunity to clear the air. But one month turned into two and there was no effort from her side.

Arielle was a constant in his life by then, but the presence of the girl hadn't completely diminished the thought of Ella, not when he still wanted answers because the lack of clarity behind her complete switch of behavior was eating him up inside.

He had given Matt's comments that night a thought but in his mind it really didn't make sense, because to him it all had been just innocent banter with Arielle and, having experienced Ella's honesty the more they opened up to each other during that week-long tour, he knew Ella would've told him if it was that which had upset her.

Yet Ella hadn't and that led Alex to come to the conclusion that it must've just been too much for her. He had been too eager when showing his interest in her and, whilst she had been accepting of it at first, it must've built up until she just couldn't take it and reciprocate it.

There also was how she had dialed down her behavior towards him when his coworkers were there and, in a desperate attempt to think of answers on his own, Alex thought that maybe someone had commented something that just completely threw her off and made her cut it all off suddenly.

And as the weeks passed, and he gave his hypothesis a thought, he also reckoned it must've been something to save herself any heartache. Because, after all, they both knew Alex was going to leave and maybe cutting him off completely and ignoring whatever it was she felt towards him would be the best option in order to not get hurt by time and distance. Not everyone could take it and he knew just how cruel that could be.

So he didn't blame her for making that selfish decision, but he couldn't help feeling a bit disheartened about the sudden change of it all with no hint of a heads up, with no explanation at all. And there it went again, the pang in his chest when he thought of just how many things they had spoken about and how it felt so weird that she wouldn't speak to him about it.

In those months of radio silence, Alex had heard about her from the rest of the band, who got texts from her or would call her from time to time but it was not the same. So he wasted no more time, typing a response as fast as his shaky fingers could and ignoring the calls of his girlfriend to get in a picture with the lads.

(27/07/2012 16:22) Ellie! Thank you! xxxx How have you been?

(27/07/2012 16:23) Wonderful, Alex :) Say hi to the guys for me!

(27/07/2012 16:23) Will do xx They're pushing me over to get pictures, talk to you later alright? x

(27/07/2012 16:24) Sure! Talk to you soon.

He pocketed his phone as he walked towards his friends, everyone cheering as he stepped beside Matt.

Flashes had blinded him all night, the combination from the lights and the alcohol had made his head dizzy so as soon as he got home, he showered and fell right asleep. He'd had a busy night, he felt on cloud nine with his best mates and his parents beside him, his girlfriend there as well to witness one of their biggest accomplishments.

He was still elated the morning after, meaning that, after he kissed Arielle goodbye as she went to meet up with some of her friends, he remembered how he had gotten the chance to talk with Ella after so long so he took his free time to ring her up.

Of course, he was so distracted that he forgot it would be much earlier for her than for him. Her phone rang on her night table, waking her up. She only managed to grab it with her left arm, extended as far as she could and when she saw it was five in the morning, she slowly woke up from the fear that something might have happened.

Her eyes hadn't opened to see who it was before she picked up, "Hello?" her voice was groggy from sleep, and she cleared her throat right after the greeting left her lips.

"Bloody hell," Alex cursed quickly, wincing at his mistake. "I forgot it's still very early for you Ellie. Sorry." He whispered like that would help in any way.

Ella chuckled, amused at how mortified he sounded, "S'Alright. How are you? How crazy was yesterday?" A yawn escaped her lips at the end, so suddenly she didn't have time to conceal the sound of it.

A smile broke out on his face, he was eager to tell her all about it and stay on the phone with her for hours on end if she let him but just as he was going to start narrating how the night had gone, a deep groan from the other side of the call made the words get stuck in his throat.

Right after the groan came the shuffling of sheets and a question from someone he didn't know who it was that had him frozen in his place, "Who is it, babe?" Said the man who was with her, the pet name had felt like a slap across the face for Alex.

She had snorted, the way Alex had gotten used to hearing daily months before, and she replied playfully, "Just a friend who forgot about time zones, baby. Go back to sleep." Right after that, there was a faint sigh and a second or two of the sheets ruffling around before she talked back to the singer this time, "Are you still there?"

Alex could only clear his throat as he gathered his thoughts, "Yeah, erm, yes." He pinched himself to snap out of it, and to start his recount of the previous night's events, forcing himself to sound chipper. "It was mental! The stadium was packed and, bloody hell Ella, I swear I had come to terms with it and was not nervous about it when we were rehearsing but you should've seen me fifteen minutes before it was our time to perform, I was fucking shaking."

She cooed, "Oh Alex," She pouted to herself as she scratched her boyfriend's hair, smiling when the man resting on her chest hummed in satisfaction. "But you did amazing, I promise! We were just watching the ceremony, and when you guys were announced I was fully shocked. Bre told me she was in London but she never told me you were performing on the fucking Olympics!" She whisper-shouted the last part, making Alex chuckle.

"Yeah, sorry about that. We sort of couldn't tell anyone we were actually performing, Bre was surprised when Matt told her an hour before we got to the stadium."

She hummed, "Well I can forgive her then. You did The Beatles great justice as well, that cover was amazing and the whole show with the cyclists was just stunning."

"It was," Alex agreed, "Was shitting it because imagine if we butchered a Beatles song in the UK, in front of the Queen and the millions of people watching everywhere."

Ella laughed too loud, making her boyfriend flinch, "Sorry" she whispered to him and then continued, "Well, thankfully that didn't happen. You'd be exiled from your country." She continued giggling softly, "That would be just as bad as actual treason."

They both laughed for a little bit until the giggles died down to sighs. She wouldn't deny that she had missed talking to him, and she didn't like admitting it to herself but she was just very glad his voice wasn't making her feel like at the start of the year. It gave her the hope that maybe this time they could just be friends, now that she had finally let go of whatever she felt for him.

"We're going to LA next month," Alex broke the silence, his voice had a hint of doubt as if he was scared of what she would answer. "We're staying until mid-september 'cause we're gonna record the next album over there."

"Oh really?" Came from her, with just the right amount of excitement, "You're gonna start recording already?"

"We are. I have some stuff written down already and some chord progressions, I wanna see how we can complement it with the lads." He held his breath, not really knowing how it was that she'd continue to react.

Ella cooed and let out a small "Yay!" Even if at first it had been hard hearing their music after everything that had happened back in February, she hadn't been able to avoid it for that long. So she was actually excited to hear whatever they would come up with, knowing how good 'R U Mine?' already was.

"Well, Turner, you're gonna have to let me know when y'all get here so we can all catch up, I know just the place to take y'all." She warned, her voice teasing him as if he'd get in trouble if he didn't let her know like she was asking.

"Fair enough, I will let you know," the singer promised. "I'll let you go back to sleep now, sorry I woke you up so early, Ellie."

She just let out a faint giggle, just a polite one so he wouldn't feel bad about it, "It's all good, Alex, don't you worry."

"I'll talk to you later then, darling." Alex's breath caught in his throat instantly, upon realizing he had just called her by the pet name he hadn't used in so long.

But Ella didn't flinch, it was like it had flown right past her head, "Bye Alex, talk to you later." and with that she ended the call.

Ella blew air out in relief when her insides didn't flip at him calling her darling so, she dropped her phone back on the night table and turned to cuddle closer to her boyfriend, fully at peace knowing the singer's effect on her seemed to be long gone.

Alex, on the other hand, felt something bubbling inside of him because it all kept playing on his mind. He kept hearing the man calling her 'babe' and her calling him 'baby' and just the faint notion of her having a boyfriend made him feel uneasy.

The mystery man got a face when Arielle came back to his flat. Alex had mentioned to her how he had gotten to chat with Ella on the phone, throwing in his new discovery subtly to see if his girlfriend had any information about it.

He was taken aback when Arielle dropped her bag on the settee and turned around with a knowing smile. "Oh yeah, they are so cute! I thought you had her on Instagram?" she had a slight frown while pulling up Ella's page to show Alex.

He shook his head, "No, erm, I only got it a few months ago remember? You helped me open it."

She let out an elongated "Ohhhh," as she clicked on Ella's page, "Well you should've asked me for her page silly, I thought you already had her there since she's your and the guys' friend."

He pulled out his phone and handed it to her, Arielle gave him her phone so he could see Ella and her boyfriend together. But his eyes were met with a very different Ella, one he almost didn't recognize, and he felt goosebumps break on his skin at the same time his body lit up on fire.

On the bottom of her page he could see her typical analog shots, of bits and pieces of cities and artsy photoshoots with models taken by her, but as he slowly scrolled up her page there were tons of picture of her in motorcycles, wearing leather and, in a particular one, not much more than a bikini and her cowboy boots.

That picture was the first one that caught his eye but he wasn't going to start ogling Ella's Instagram and get all flustered about it in front of his girlfriend so he scrolled further up until he stumbled upon a picture of her and her boyfriend.

He knew what he felt was jealousy because how could he not? When she stood there with her back to the camera but her face turned to the side, and the man's hand was in the back pocket of her jeans as he kissed her cheek, which had ended with her scrunching up her nose in response. He missed that face much more than he'd ever let on.

Alex could feel Arielle's eyes on him so he forced himself to smile fondly, "Yeah, they're cute."

Arielle grabbed her phone back from him as she slid his phone towards him, "I know right? Have you told Ella we're coming next month?"

He nodded, locking his phone right after hitting 'follow' and then he walked towards the balcony that was in his room—he needed a cigarette. "I did," he nodded as he grabbed his Marlboro reds from the coffee table in his living room, "She said to let her know when we're there, she wants to take us to this cool pub she found."

A bright grin appeared on Arielle's face, "Oh I'm so excited to see her again, she's so lovely isn't she? You know she got me that big Coke campaign? The one that got me invited to that event that got me an agent?"

He paused in the middle of the hallway, "Oh really? Well, that's very nice of her."

"I have to buy her a few drinks as a thank you for it." Arielle finished while she turned on the TV, Alex took it as a sign to leave her to it.

Once he got to his room and out to the balcony, he wasted no time to unlock his phone and scroll through Ella's pictures.

Her hair was darker now, she'd dyed it fully black and she looked amazing with it. Her ears looked like they were now adorned with multiple piercings but it wasn't just her ears that had jewelry, she had a septum piercing now. The thin gold piece of jewelry subtly poking from the bottom of her nose. She looked so different but still as stunning as ever.

In about five minutes of scrolling he had also found out that she'd gotten a bike, and both she and her boyfriend seemed to drive around California in their free time. There were pictures of her driving in the back of her boyfriend's bike surrounded by a large group of bikers and she'd captioned it 'nothing better than driving down the coast with your biker friends and the sunset in the background.'

There were pictures of her and her boyfriend in Tennessee, one in particular that made him take the longest drag out of his cigarette. Her boyfriend was sitting on the grass by a wooden fence, his legs spread as she sat in between them. Her brown cowboy boots on and a little white dress, her boyfriend had a cowboy hat that was hiding them kissing in the picture. The caption read, 'he's a cowboy like me.'

Another picture that made his blood boil was one that had captured her ass being groped by one of her boyfriend's hands. She was wearing some really small high waisted shorts that hugged her bottom perfectly and he wanted nothing more than to be in the place of that man. He let out a long sigh when he read 'he says i'm a handful'.

But then he scrolled further up and he lost his breath again at the picture of her in a bikini he hadn't really gotten to properly see before. She was wearing a silver bikini and her black cowboy boots as she sat on her bike, one of her legs was up as she rested her heel on the seat. She had her hands set a little behind her ass so she was leaning backwards with her head slightly thrown back, her face was half covered by a cowboy hat but it couldn't fully hide her closed eyes and her open mouth. It looked like she was moaning and Alex was losing it.

Fuck.

He went to the bathroom then, his pants too tight after he'd seen the picture and he didn't know what to do. It was either a cold shower or a guilty wank.

He was quick to jump in the shower, the water cold as it hit his chest and his face, but as he closed his eyes he found the picture engraved in his mind, meaning he wasn't finding a solution in the cold shower.

He came rather fast, a few minutes it took him as he imagined the noises she would make. Replaying her voice saying 'baby' and imagining how she'd sound moaning that in his ear. But afterwards, as his consciousness came back to him, he started to feel bad. His girlfriend was right outside, while he fucked his fist to the thought of someone else.

This is the first and last time, he promised himself.

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Ella had gotten a call from Matt's phone about a week before the band was due back in California, they had started it by yelling out her name and she'd chuckled at their volume. The lads had told her that they were landing in Los Angeles on Saturday the 18th, meaning she had to wait a week to see them all again.

She had missed them quite a lot so it hadn't been a hardship to know she had little time to prepare herself for their arrival. She was mostly excited, getting to see them all again, as well as Breana who she hadn't seen in a month—and she was missing her best friend a lot—, and to see Arielle again too.

As soon as they had landed, Bre had given her a call and they had settled on meeting at the pub Ella had been talking about at around seven in the evening.

So there she was, shoving her boyfriend's bike keys in her purse before locking her fingers with his and walking through the establishment's doors. She was surprised to see them there already, as she was only five minutes late to their agreed time, but the excitement multiplied then.

It was a fairly loud place, but the ambience was spectacular. They always played the best music and the walls were filled with band posters, tour memorabilia and little trinkets that were framed on the walls to commemorate different big artists in history. She loved coming to the place, especially on karaoke nights, which unfortunately wasn't happening that day.

"Well, well, well, fancy seeing y'all here." Ella greeted as she approached the large booth and they all jumped to their feet, her name being cheered by them all.

The difference from her right then to the start of the year struck Alex harder in person. The gold on her ears and poking out the bottom of her nose contrasted beautifully against her tan skin, and her leather jacket was a fine new addition to her look. He was glad to see she was wearing a pair of cowboy boots, one he hadn't seen before but it made him smile seeing she hadn't left that behind.

She let go of her boyfriend's hand to go hug everyone. She went from Nick to Jamie, Alex, Arielle, Matt and finished with Breana who she clutched a tad tighter as she claimed, "I missed you so much!"

Breana replied, "Missed you more," before she went to Ella's boyfriend and gave him a friendly hug, "How have you been, Jules?" the nickname for him falling easily from her lips as she'd met him a handful of times before.

The man had smiled, hugging her back, "Amazing, Bre. How was your trip?"

"It was fucking lovely, you two have to come with me next." the model winked at Ella, making her roll her eyes as she blushed.

She hummed, "Maybe... We'll see." and before she could sit down beside Breana, she introduced her boyfriend to everyone. "Guys, this is Julian, my boyfriend. Julian, this is Nick, Jamie, Alex, Arielle, and Matt."

Of course his name is Julian, Alex though. Not being able to shit on his name because he shared it with one of his favorite musicians.

Julian had gone to shake everyone's hands as Ella sat down beside her best friend. Her cheeks hurt already at everyone being so nice to her boyfriend. Alex took a good look at him when he shook his hand: he was tall—about six feet he could say—, his shoulders were broad, and even if he didn't look extremely bulky, he seemed like he made it a habit to work out, his skin was tan and it complimented his wavy dirty blonde hair but it was Julian's green eyes, though, what made him want to roll his eyes. The man was good looking, and it made Alex want to punch him even more.

"Saw you guys playing at the Olympics opening ceremony, that's massive! Congratulations." He smiled at the musicians as he took a seat beside Ella, his arm snaking around her waist and she scooted the tiniest bit closer to him with a loopy smile on her face.

And he's nice too? Fucks sake. "Thanks man," said Alex with a tight lip smile, tilting his half empty glass towards him before gulping it down.

Matt wasted no time before he started teasing Ella, "So Ellie, been pretty busy then?"

She rolled her eyes playfully, "I actually have been. Focus Creeps have been doing lots of productions for artists and bands since your videos were posted and now we have another PA. I'm kind of mentoring her, which is still surreal to me that I am but yes."

Matt pouted in fake pity then, "Poor girl, she must be tired of you."

Ella scoffed and everyone laughed, including Julian. She turned to pinch her boyfriend's waist, "Why are you laughing?!" She scolded him and then turned back to call out the menace Matt was, "You are a bully, Helders." She shook her head with a frown on her face, which dissipated when Julian left a kiss on her cheek. Her face melted into one of pure bliss with a big tight lip smile.

Alex wanted to gag.

"You love me Ellie." The drummer stated with a shrug.

Ella ignored him and turned to Breana, "I really wonder how you can stand him."

"You and every one of us, Ellie." added Nick with a snort, making everyone laugh.

Ella asked them all what drinks they wanted, seeing as most of their glasses were almost empty on the table, the ice watering down whatever alcohol they were drinking. Julian and Breana had gone with her to get everyone's drinks and when they came back, it wasn't long before they fell back into conversation.

They had been including Julian, which made Ella very happy, and an hour later they had found out lots about him. He was Californian born and raised, a photographer that worked for a well acclaimed magazine, sometimes writing pieces for them as well. He also worked as a freelance photographer and videographer, he had been hired for a bunch of different jobs: from weddings that had made him travel to many places, to filming documentaries on crab fishing in Alaska.

Everyone was so entranced by that last story, that it made Ella all hot and bothered. Every time he would tell it, she always grew hypnotized by him and the way he would explain it all, especially by the way he would use his hands. So when he was done and the conversation had moved onto another topic, she leaned into his ear to have him subtly follow her to the bathroom.

Julian smirked, knowing exactly what she meant and what she wanted to happen. The girl stood up, excusing herself and made her way to the bathroom, and Julian stood up a few minutes after her.

They had been rather quickly, or at least that's what she thought as she walked back to the table with Julian following a few steps behind her. She had gone ahead and sat back on the booth whilst her boyfriend had gone to get her another drink, and that's when she was met with the fact that they hadn't been subtle at all.

The first and most obvious clue was that her red lipstick was gone and her lips were puffy. Matt had elbowed Breana softly, pointing his chin towards Ella and smirked.

"Had fun Ella?" Matt asked vaguely with a very suggestive tone.

She frowned and felt her cheeks heating up but tried to play dumb as she downed whatever was left of the vodka and sprite she'd left on the table. "Huh?"

Jamie had caught up exactly onto what Matt was saying so wanting her to just fully admit it, he pushed, "Oh c'mon Ella, your lipstick is gone."

She knew her cheeks were pink but she couldn't care that she'd been caught so she shrugged it off, "The heart wants what it wants."

"And it wanted to give a blowjob?" inquired Arielle this time with a knowing smirk on her face.

Ella nodded at her with a smug expression, "It did." She admitted, no longer giving a shit.

They all hollered and that made Ella laugh. Julian came back to the table right then, a smirk on his face as he sat down and put her drink in front of her. He didn't know what the ruckus was about but he didn't really care when he was on cloud nine and very satisfied in every meaning of the word.

"Thanks babe." Ella said to him and took a sip of her beverage, thankful that she had asked for a double vodka and sprite this time. "Oh they know, by the way." She let him know with a sheepish smile.

Julian laughed then, throwing his arm around her shoulder, "Told you to put your lipstick back on, didn't I honey?" They all laughed as Ella shook her head but found comfort in her boyfriend's hold and her drink.

Breana couldn't help but ask, "So did he return the favor?"

She took another sip of her drink, basking in the coolness of the liquid running down her throat. "We'll resume things when we get home." She winked at Breana who responded with a shriek and Julian squeezed her thigh under the table.

What the fuck? Who is this and where is Ella? Alex kept thinking. She didn't seem like her usual self, it was all so out of character that he wondered what had happened for her to be so blunt and open like this.

Jamie interrupted Alex's thoughts when he said, "Right let's change topics then, before they start shagging on top of the table."

They erupted in laughter, Alex faking it to not be obvious about his distaste on what was unfolding before him. And then a song came on that actually worked perfectly to change the subject. "Oh I love this place, their music is always on point." Julian commented.

'New York City Cops' by The Strokes was coming through the speakers, Julian Casablancas' voice mixing with the chatter around the place and the clinking of glasses.

Jamie smiled then, glad to see they were finding more things in common with the lad, "You like The Strokes?"

He nodded, "No band like The Strokes... no offense guys."

He has a good taste in music too? Alex had to try his hardest not to roll his eyes.

"None taken. There truly isn't any like them." Nick waved him off.

Ella tapped the table frantically with the pads of her fingers when she remembered something they had told her. "Oh my god! Tell him how you met them!"

"Wait, you have met them?!" Julian inquired with his eyes wide open.

Alex nodded, "Yeah man, they're amazing. We met them after the NME awards in 2006, they took pictures with us after we won Best British Band and Best New Band. I still can't believe we've met them, they were the reason we started this band—or well, the reason I wanted to start a band."

"That's fucking amazing! I'm jealous now, damn." He added with a chuckle, making everyone smile back at him.

Yeah well, not as jealous as I'm of you and whatever happened in the bathroom with your girlfriend, mate.

About thirty more minutes went by before Julian turned to whisper something in Ella's ear. She smiled fondly, gave him a kiss and whispered something back to him before giving him his keys. He stood up, saying he sadly had to go but he'd had the best time meeting them all, and telling Ella to phone him when she wanted him to pick her up right before he left the table.

Ella was all heart eyes as her eyes followed his steps towards the entrance, and when Julian turned back around to blow her a kiss and wave her goodbye, she mirrored his actions.

Breana cooed at them, "Aren't you two cute?'' She hugged Ella to her side and squished her cheeks with her free hand.

"Stop it." The PA whined with her eyes almost closed, her words barely audible as her cheeks were still being pressed by Bre's hand.

Nick settled his drink down before starting a conversation up, "Now that he's gone we can properly gossip."

That made Ella chuckle, "What do you want to know?" She rubbed her face as she was now free from her best friend's hold but still felt her fingers on her skin.

Arielle was quick to ask the first and most important question, "First of all, how did you two meet?" which everyone was really dying to ask.

Ella sighed, "Well that's half cute, half embarrassing." She finished her drink before narrating. "So it happened at this country pub I had driven past one day, I decided to just go alone one night to check it out. I was drinking some whiskey the bartender had told me was really good and wasting my time watching some college football they had on, when he sat down beside me and started talking to me. He's lucky he's cute or else I would've told him to fuck off because I just wanted to be alone." She chuckled as she reminisced.

"I was sad that day, I don't remember why though." She was lying, she remembered exactly why, as it had only been a week after whatever happened with Alex. "We must've been talking for about half an hour when they put on some music and people started swing dancing. He stood up and grabbed my hand saying we should dance too. I told him I had no idea how to and he said to just follow his lead."

She shook her head and her smile got brighter as she continued, "Fast forward five minutes later he had me in his arms, and told me to kick one of my legs up. Of course I did it wrong but he was so cute correcting me. Next thing I know he had thrown me up slightly and somehow my leg was around his neck and that's how he got me to completely turn to the other side, still in his arms."

Ella tilted her head for a second to point at Breana as she said, "The next half of the story involves her, and I'm still mortified about it."

Breana snorted at the memory, and the PA kept going, "So later that night, I was texting him and Bre at the same time. I had just gotten around telling Bre the bit with the leg when I accidentally sent him what I was going to send her..." Ella blushed hard and she paused, too embarrassed at the memory to even say it out loud.

At the cliffhanger, Jamie pushed her to continue, "Go on then, what did you say?"

"I don't even wanna say it out loud." Ella hid behind her hands, but Breana was quick to respond for her.

"She said 'One of my legs has been on his shoulders already, wouldn't mind having both legs up on them.' You're welcome Ella, now continue."

Ella gasped, letting her hands fall from her face, "I actually hate you."

Arielle had her hand covering her mouth, every single one of the lads were shocked as well. Matt was the first one to talk though, "Bloody hell, Ella! What did he say?!"

Her cheeks were red as she looked up to everyone, "He just said 'Well I wouldn't mind that either' and the rest is history. We went on a lot of dates, called each other every day if we were not hanging out together until one day we decided we already were acting like a couple so we might as well make it official."

Nick was the next one to go, "How long have you been together then?"

"It's been a little over four months." She replied quickly, knowing exactly the day off the top of her head.

Alex let his thoughts leave him before he could process them, "Not long after we left then?"

Ella avoided his gaze, playing with the straw in her empty glass, "Nope, not long after."

Alex nodded, taking the information in. It all seemed so unlike her, especially after what she'd told him about her relationships; she wasn't one for starting something with someone she'd just met and that's exactly what she was doing here.

Everyone at the table had felt the air shift around them at that last question and answer, but thankfully for everyone, Alex's girlfriend was none the wiser to the whole situation and she was a romantic so she felt like she had to know something else, "Have you said the L word yet?"

That loopy smile was brought back to Ella's face at the question, "Yes," she said shyly.

Breana gasped then and hit her arm, "What the fuck?! You haven't told me this!"

Ella turned to her, grabbing her best friend's hands, "I know, I know. It only happened a week ago so I was waiting for you to come back to tell you."

"Do tell then." Breana insisted, not really having the patience to wait until they left and she could call her so that Ella could finally tell her in private.

"Fucks sake." She cursed under her breath, seeing all eyes on her. "We were at his parents house and I had just met his sister, who has the cutest little baby. They had gone to buy dessert and left me and Julian with the baby. I was holding her and she kept blabbering on and on, and I kept acting as if I was talking with her when he just leaned into me and kissed my cheek and told me 'I love you so much'."

Breana shrieked, "Oh my god!!! Are you joking?!"

"I'm not," Ella's cheeks hurt from how big her smile was and Arielle was cooing at the story too, "I thank everything out there that we were sitting or else I swear I would've dropped the baby out of shock."

"Did you say it back?" asked Alex, sipping on his whiskey.

And curiosity killed the cat.

Ella nodded enthusiastically, "'Course I did, I adore that man." It was so easy for her to admit, and she would scream it out loud as many times as she could if she had the opportunity to.

Alex nodded in response, he was having an internal debate: he was happy that she was happy but he didn't like that it was someone else that got to be like that with her. And for that he felt so selfish.

Breana and Arielle let out long 'awh's in unison, Nick scrunching his nose at Ella before saying, "Look at you in love, it's disgusting." a fake tone of endearment on his voice.

"Right?" added Jamie in the same tone.

"You are about to get married," she pointed at the bassist first and then to the guitarist, "And you just got engaged, so don't talk shit when you're the same."

"Well I didn't just suck my boyfriend off in the bathroom, so I can definitely talk shit." Jamie was quick to reply back, making her roll her eyes.

"Can't you just let a girl have some fun? Jeez." She exclaimed before she got back up, "Anyone want a refill?" They took a fair few seconds to reply to her, she was much more straight forward now and it was leaving them stunned.

She went off with Breana again, this time Matt following right behind. But right when they got to the bar and she was waiting for the bartender to finish serving the three ladies beside her, Matt told her some news that almost made her heart stop.

"Have Ben and Aaron told you we're having you record a little documentary for us?"

She turned to the drummer faster than she realized she could, "What?" Her frown was deep, her eyes searching his to find any clue that he was just joking.

But Matt wasn't joking, "Yeah, you're gonna be at the studio with us for a few weeks during this month we're staying. I think we're coming back after the holidays to continue recording so you're joining us then as well." He explained the best he could with the little confirmed information he had.

Her mouth opened to talk but the words got stuck in her throat, "I–, erm. They hadn't told me anything, but um, yeah I'm gonna ask them on Monday."

"Brilliant!" The drummer replied before letting the bartender know what drinks they wanted.

Once they got back to the table and they had given everyone their respective drinks, their conversations resumed. They had pinballed from the Olympics to Nick's upcoming wedding planned for exactly a year from then, to some celebrity gossip they had heard around at the Olympics to the pictures taken that day and that's how Ella had ended up saying:

"You two are actually adorable," her gaze stuck on Alex and Arielle, the couple just smiled at her. "I've seen so many pictures of you everywhere, I'm so happy for you guys."

Arielle brought her hand to her chest and cooed, "Awh thank you, Ella."

Ella took a sip of her drink, really needing the liquid courage to ask her first question, "How long have you been together then?" Her tone made it seem lighthearted and like she was just making small talk but this was it for her, the last thing she wanted to know before fully putting the matter to rest.

Arielle turned to Alex, looking directly into his eyes for a few seconds like the answer was right there and then turned back to Ella, "So it started that night when we filmed 'R U Mine?' remember?" She asked Ella, and the PA could only fake a tender knowing smile as if that night hadn't been awful for her for that same thing.

"He left right after, but I was going to the UK with a friend a couple of weeks later so we met up over there and," She blushed slightly and grabbed the singer's hand on top of the table, rested her head on his shoulder and shrugged, "It all just happened, I suppose. So it's been about three months hasn't it?"

He hummed, squeezing her hand. "I reckon three, yes."

"Awh, adorable." Ella replied with a sweet smile, she felt relieved by the sense of closure. Yes it did sting a bit how fast he had changed her, not even 48 hours after they had gone on a date back then and how he had decided to make the girl he'd switched her for his girlfriend; but the hurt lasted for a few seconds, she felt free then. The whole situation had somehow brought her Julian, and she was very much grateful for that.

"You didn't tell me how that talent recruitment event went, Arielle. Was it good?"

Arielle gasped then, "Ellie, you're a godsend for that! After the Coke campaign I got the invitation for it and I'm signed now!"

Ella clapped her hands, "That's fucking amazing! Congratulations!"

And that's how they spent the next three hours, talking about everything that they'd missed in the past months they hadn't seen each other. Until Julian had called Ella to check up on her and tell her he was already done at his parents' house, and he could come by picking her up in the next twenty minutes.

She accepted her boyfriend's proposal, it was nearing midnight and she was spent. She promised to see them all soon again when she got a text from Julian saying he was outside, grabbing her purse from beside her and pocketing her phone before hugging everyone goodbye.

From the table they had the perfect view of the street, meaning they got to see how Ella basically threw herself onto Julian's arms, him catching her and clutching her tight as they swayed for a few seconds. He pulled back to shower her face in kisses, and ended it all with a chaste kiss on her lips. When Ella pulled back she grabbed the helmet from his hand and put it on to leave on his bike.

"Ugh, I love them." Bre was the first one to talk, making everyone nod in agreement as they watched them drive away.

"They're like one of those hot biker couples you see in movies." Arielle added and Breana hummed.

Nick nodded, "They are."

Alex rolled his eyes automatically because they actually were, and he hated it. But then his girlfriend's voice brought him back to where they were and after that, all he could recall was drinking the night away.

What he hadn't seen was that Bre caught his annoyed face and that only made the model want to fight the singer in the very spot. She was aware of what had happened, after she had managed to scoop it out of Ella many weeks after that eventful week in February, and she couldn't blame her for keeping her distance from the man. He had been an absolute asshole, so for him to be acting all bratty over Ella being happy and in love with someone else, like he didn't have his very own girlfriend sitting beside him, had Breana fuming.

The audacity this dickhead has, she thought.

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It had been true, what Matt said. Ben told her she'd be spending the following fortnight at the studio recording the band like she'd done twice before. Only this time, she'd have to permanently try to get footage of their time in the studio—whether it was them fucking about or actually making music.

She'd let out a big sigh when Ben left her sitting at her desk, emails to respond looking at her face as she made peace with what was coming. It's just gonna be like hanging out with them and having fun, she told herself to ease her nerves. There was something about being alone with them again—with Alex—that was making her feel uneasy, slightly scared of how awkward it may be or how uncomfortable it could feel.

Just breathe.

That's what she told herself as her boots scrunched on the dirt, her steps firmly taking her up to the front door and she knocked. A lovely man with a long gray beard, called David, let her in, showing her the way and she thanked him with a smile.

She was rather surprised by the look of it all, the studio seemed so laid back and much like a little southern cabin in the middle of the desert. It was a stark contrast to the studios she had visited before but the place being so casual made her feel more comfortable.

In her left hand, she was carrying a cup holder in which she had five cups of coffee. She was hoping the gesture would serve as a good sign that all was good by her and she planned to keep it that way. She would try her hardest not to make it awkward.

She took a deep breath before she opened the door and was greeted by the band and their confused expressions which only lasted a few seconds. When they realized it was Ella they erupted in cheer as if they hadn't seen her just last week.

She giggled, "Good morning guys, you're very energetic today." She let her bag drop from her shoulder onto a settee that was set next to the door. "Maybe I shouldn't have brought you coffee."

Nick sighed and went over to hug her, "No, you're actually a lifesaver. Planning a wedding through the phone is a nightmare."

Ella cooed but a chuckle cut it short, "Awh Nick," and after they hugged, she lifted the cup holder to read which one was Nick's. "Here you go." She handed the bassist his coffee and then turned to the rest of the band.

"I got them as I remembered you liked them. Hope your orders haven't changed much since February."

Maybe mentioning February hadn't been the best idea because the room fell silent for a few seconds, but they had felt like an eternity.

Fuck.

Thankfully, Matt decided to be the menace he always was and made the tension lift up from her shoulders by chatting back, "Not the best PA, are you?"

She rolled her eyes, "I haven't been here for five minutes yet and I already wanna strangle you."

He winced, "Sorry Ellie, not really into getting choked myself but nice try."

Her sigh was loud and it made them laugh. She just decided to hand Jamie and Alex their coffees, to which they thanked her for, before grabbing hers and taking a gulp of her now warm beverage.

"Well," she started, setting her cup down on a coffee table in the middle of the room, "Get on with what you were doing, act like I'm not here."

Matt was quick to tease her, "Brilliant, just what I wanted to do."

She scoffed, not impressed by his antics. She was regretting asking superior powers for a brother when she was a kid because Matt was definitely like an older brother to her now and he was more annoying than she'd expected one to actually be.

"I will actually fight you Matthew, so shut up."

Matt cackled, "Would love to see you try." And before she could bite back, he started playing a beat on the drums that drowned everyone else's voice.

She kept to doing her own thing, turning the camera on and recording them. It was interesting seeing it unfold before her eyes. The way Matt kept coming up with different drum patterns to which Nick jumped in with his bass.

There was a moment in which Nick came up with the start of quite a catchy bass line and Jamie was quick to tell him to keep going whilst he grabbed a guitar to add to it. Soon enough it felt like the instruments were playing with the other as if chasing each other's chords and melting into one lovely melody that had them all nodding like that was it.

Matt started forming a beat around them and Alex stood up to grab his guitar and tried with different chord combinations to jump into it. Alex kept writing down the bass tabs and the guitar chords they were using in a journal he had, which seemed to have songs he'd written as well because he was quick to flip through the pages and sing a few lines to see how they would fit in the song.

Ella could see him scribbling around the pages as he kept singing whatever came to mind and building up the song.

When the zeros line up on the 24-hour clock

When you know who's calling even though the number is blocked

When you walked around your house wearing my sky blue Lacoste

And your knee socks

They stopped for a few minutes, Alex still sitting in his chair bopping his head to what they had just created, still playing in his head. She kept the camera on him and his concentrated face, the way he would quickly write around the pages on his journal had her intrigued.

This was a moment that she knew she'd feel glad she caught on tape in a few years, just because she had a feeling that whatever they were starting in the studio was going to be bigger than they'd ever anticipate.

The band had grown somewhat infatuated by the origins of the song, stuck on different ways they could take the main melody. They had settled already that it sounded like a perfect chorus so they'd build the song around that.

When James Ford got to the studio, it was like he had stepped into a vortex since he got sucked into the process so quickly that he had barely been able to properly say hello to Ella.

After an hour and a half of non-stop brainstorming that Ella had been hearing as background noise while she read through some emails and scheduled calls with clients, they decided to take a break. Everyone left, or that's what she thought as she typed away, until she was startled by a sneeze.

"Jesus, fuck!" She lowered her macbook screen, her eyes wide from the scare. "Oh– Bless you, Alex."

He smiled at her, a shy one that seemed a little tense. "Thanks Ella."

Alex watched her as she nodded with a shy smile on her face as well, lifting her screen back up to continue working. He wasn't doing much more than sorting through his journal and making mental notes of which of the songs he'd written he wanted to try and bring alive in this record, but he was distracted now.

He was very aware of her presence and she was too. She could feel his gaze burning on her but she was too nervous to even look up, she knew she didn't know what to say or how to act so she'd rather avoid it.

But the tension grew thicker and he hated it, the only solution he could find for it was to try to make small talk.

"So... How was your week, Ellie?" The singer asked slowly, as if treading an unknown path.

Her fingers froze hovering over the keyboard, "It was good, erm, a little busy but good."

He felt the way she was starting quiet and close away and maybe staying quiet would've been better but the words just came out of his mouth to try and make the old days come back, when they could talk about everything and anything for hours.

"Bre told us she was doing a shoot with you on Wednesday, hope that went well."

She gave him a genuine smile then, because the shoot had actually been lovely and it had gone better than she had planned it. "It was perfect, the sun worked amazingly with us. I have to get them printed soon though, so I can send the scans to Bre and she can add them to her portfolio."

"Was it on film?" Alex asked before he could process, he just wanted to keep the conversation flowing but what a stupid question that was because he knew she only ever shot on film.

She let out a giggle to hide her disbelief. Had he really forgotten she only shot on film? "Yes, I only shoot on film, remember?" It came out sassy and she hadn't meant it but she couldn't take it back now.

He laughed nervously, "Yeah, I know. Sorry, very stupid question."

Ella only smiled reassuringly, "It's okay."

The beats of silence were almost as loud as their heartbeats. Alex felt his pumping heart sounding in his ears and Ella did too, both hoping the other couldn't hear it too.

He started fiddling with his pen, "Was it themed?"

She shook her head, "Not really, we just played with how well the sun was positioned and did some shadow photography."

Alex hummed, not really knowing what to say next. Ella bit her lip, seeing through the corner of her eye how he looked to be fighting within himself. She felt bad for not trying to make things better.

"Has the past week been too hectic?" Her question sounded shy, both of them were acting so sheepish and whereas Ella's behavior had always been that way, it was weird seeing Alex anything other than confident.

He hesitated before responding, "Not really? I mean we had to go 'round quite a lot but it's the typical occurrence when we come to the States. The second week and on is much easier."

"Well, thankfully that's over and done with. I suppose you're relieved to be in the studio, finally." She decided to just close her laptop and give him her full attention.

Her actions made him breathe in relief as it felt like she wasn't trying to hide behind the screen anymore.

"Yes, to be fair. Feel like it's been too long since we've made something new, properly. When we recorded 'R U Mine?' it went by so quickly 'cause it took us so little to get it done—so, erm, yes. We were itching to be back recording."

She smiled sweetly at him then, "You guys look very in your element here, I was keeping it cool for the sake of the process but I was blown away by how easily you just– well, the way you can just do all that."

Alex laughed softly. She's so cute, was all he thought and it only made his smile grow. "Thanks Ellie, it's a thing that just happens because of how long we've been making music together. We bounce off each other now."

She had run out of things to say, her eyes focused on him but her brain struggling to find anything else to talk about.

Why is this so hard now? She hated it.

Luckily, she was saved by the bell—or rather by the rest of the band and James coming back from the kitchen, their loud chatter filling the hallways as they walked back to the room.

"Ellie, you have to see what I've found in the other room by the keyboards." Matt pointed at her and she was slightly afraid. One was never safe when it came to his spontaneous ideas.

She stared at him unsure of what to do, "Erm..."

The drummer started making his way back out of the room, waving at her to join him. "C'mon! Bring the camera." He added from the hallway.

She had to quickly grab the camcorder, her steps fast to catch up with him. The screen flashed a red 'rec' on the corner right as she walked through the threshold of a room she was seeing for the first time.

He walked in first and then stopped in the corner where most of the keyboards met and pointed towards what he'd found.

She deflated as she saw a little vintage coin machine that read 'Check your sex appeal'. On the bottom it instructed one to put one's finger on the sensor, deposit a quarter and then they'd give the score. With an eye roll she turned to Matt, "I thought you were gonna show me a spider or something." She had seen multiple lying around the place, unbothered.

"If it was a spider, I would've caught it and thrown it over your head." Matt replied with a cynical smile on his face.

Ella scoffed, "Sometimes I think you hate me."

He chuckled, opening his arms and approaching the girl to hug her. "You know I love you, Ellie."

"Yeah, sure, sure." He was holding her tight on purpose, to bother her some more. He really was like her older brother. The camera shook in her hands as she struggled in his hold.

He let go of her with a kiss on the cheek, "Have you got 25 cents?" He asked, seeing that it was needed to make the machine work.

"Yeah, in my purse." The drummer didn't even waste a second before he quickly went back to the main room to retrieve it. He was back in about ten seconds and she fished for her wallet when he opened her purse for her. "Does it even work?" she asked, seeing as the machine looked old—the red light on the 'sensor' was very dim, it was hard to read the 00 on the corner.

He shrugged, holding up a quarter in his fingers. "Let's try."

"Yeah, we need everyone to be here though. This cannot go without witnesses." She was recording it all but she wanted everyone to be there just so they could all have a laugh.

"Oh yes, go ahead. I want everyone to see how you lose."

"We shall see about that Matthew." She walked back to where the rest of the group was and called them over.

When Matt saw everyone enter the room behind Ella, he smirked. "Yous ready?"

They all nodded, Jamie rolled his eyes at his friend's excitement over such a dumb thing but he wasn't expecting any less from the idiot that Matt Helders was.

For some reason, he paused before slotting the coin in. "No, actually..." he offered the coin to Ella, "Ellie please do us the honor."

The PA sighed, wanting to do anything but go first in the stupid thing but she wanted to get it over with sooner rather than later. She grabbed the quarter from him and he took the camera from her, making sure to catch what she was going to do.

She pressed her pointer finger on the supposed sensor, and slid the coin in. "If this thing doesn't work, I'm gonna laugh in your face, Helders."

It took a few seconds for the red light to glow, the drummer smirking at Ella as if to rub it in her face that it actually worked. Everyone was watching them amused, the bickering was quite entertaining to them all and they were happy to be around Ella again.

Another few seconds passed before the machine beeped, startling the girl. "Jesus!" She dropped her hand and when she saw the 62, she shrugged not even caring to see what that meant on the list below the sensor.

Matt cackled, getting another quarter from her wallet and giving her the camera back to walk up to the machine as well. "Okay Ellie, are you ready to lose?"

"Get on with it Matt." She made sure to capture him perfectly even though she wasn't sure they'd use that footage on the documentary.

Repeating the process, Matt waited for the beep to reveal his score and when he got 134, he cheered. His arms up in the air like he had just won the championship to something.

He walked over to Ella teasing her about her brutal loss when Jamie wandered over to the coin machine and burst out laughing.

Everyone turned as the guitarist laughed and Nick went over curious to see what was so funny. When he read the list below the sensor, he joined Jamie in laughter.

"Helders, mate, I'm not sure you won at all there." Nick managed between chuckles.

Ella quickly walked over to read the list, making sure the camera caught it too and she cackled. "134 you got, didn't you? Mr. Total couch potato."

That only made Nick laugh harder, Alex and James started chuckling at Matt's face. The drummer walked over to see the list and he scoffed. "What the fuck? That score system doesn't make fucking sense."

Total couch potato - over 130

Semi sexy couch potato - 115-129

Sexy couch potato - 100-114

Sexy but firm up your good body - 85-99

Great body and sexy - 70-84

Super body and sexy - 60-69

Fantastic body and sexy - below 60

"I got 62 by the way. Just in case you forgot." Ella made sure to rub it in and Helders waved his hand dismissing her.

He shook his head in disbelief, and went over to her wallet to get another quarter. "We're doing this again."

"But–" She went to argue but was cut by Matt grabbing her right hand and pressing her pointer finger on the sensor and dropping the coin in. "For fucks sake, Matt." She cursed, moving the camera to face Matt's annoyed facial expression and when the machine beeped, showing her a glorious 60, she burst out laughing.

"Now's my turn." He pressed his finger on the sensor and inserted the coin.

Everyone quieted down as they waited for the beep and when it rang in their ears, showing a 129, Jamie read "A slight glow up, semi sexy couch potato." making everyone erupt in laughter again.

"Okay, whatever." Matt said loudly and defeated in between everyone else's noise, "It's broken, obviously."

Ella sighed, after her fit of laughter, focusing the camera back on the drummer. "Told you Bre was doing charity work with you." Nick snorted at that, nodding his head just to add to the fire.

Matt gasped, throwing his hand over his heart, faking being wounded by her very words. "Bitch." He said as if he had just been betrayed.

She chuckled as he left the room, still shaking his head, "Oh I'm so glad I caught all that on camera."

Nick threw his arm over her shoulders and kissed her temple, "You are brilliant, Ellie."

She smiled so bright, her eyes closed, and leaned her head on the bassist's shoulder in contentment.

When she opened her eyes, she was instantly met by Alex grinning at her and she smiled back at him.

The two weeks she'd have to stay there would be long but she hoped they'd get easier. She could only hope for that.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

All of her hopes had drowned a week later. She thought she had made progress in that first week since when she left that Sunday, it felt like the tension was wearing thin. They could now joke around like everyone else and it wasn't met with brief silences that felt like cuts to their throats.

That was until the Monday of the second week arrived, and she was dropped off at the studio by Julian. As they got closer to the place, she was praying that whoever was standing outside wasn't Alex but the universe loved laughing at her face so Alex was exactly who was outside, smoking calmly with his eyes firmly on Ella.

She sighed under her helmet before she took it off and got off the bike. She gave Alex a tight lip smile, "Good morning, Alex." She could feel the awkwardness rising once again.

"Good morning, Ellie." He replied, grateful for how the cigarette was helping him relax even in the slightest.

Julian took his helmet off then, shaking his head to fix his hair, with a bright smile. "Hey Alex, good morning."

Alex lifted his hand up to greet him, "Morning, man."

Ella sighed and turned to her boyfriend, fixing his hair before she said bye. "You'll pick me up later yeah?" Her hand was cupping his jaw and Alex hated seeing the look of adoration in her eyes.

"'Course." Julian said with a smile, his right hand coming up to grab Ella's hand that was on his face and kissed the palm of it. "Love you, have fun okay?"

Ella smiled even harder and nodded as she leaned down to peck his lips. "Love you, see you later."

Ella turned to start walking towards the studio when she heard Julian calling out to Alex, "Turner! Take care of my girl, yeah?" His question was up in the air as he put his helmet back on.

She blushed as she turned back around to laugh at her boyfriend. Alex let out the smoke from his lungs and nodded, "Always."

Ella felt like someone had gut punched her then, Why does this have to happen to me?

Julian nodded and revved the engine, blowing Ella a kiss before driving away—leaving a cloud of dust in his wake.

They both watched as the bike got smaller in the horizon and once it disappeared from their sight, she cleared her throat. "You going in yet?"

He nodded, "I'm almost done." taking one last drag of his cigarette before tossing it to the ground.

As they walked up to the place, he couldn't hold his tongue back, "So is he gonna drop you off everyday now?"

There was a subtle tone in his voice that didn't settle well with her, "Just today." She answered quickly with a forced smile on her face, letting her feet take her faster up the steps and towards the door. She didn't wanna overthink about the way he'd ask but it was already planning to play on loop in her mind.

Maybe she was making it worse in her mind but the awkwardness was palpable at the moment, and she just couldn't brush it off and ignore it.

When she opened the door everyone was there at the kitchen by the entrance making breakfast, when they saw her they greeted her sweetly. She was so grateful for them all being there already, just so she didn't have to spend time alone with Alex after that.

Surprisingly though, after they had all had breakfast together, the day rolled off smoothly and she'd only interacted directly with Alex a handful of times. The band had gone fully back into finishing a song they'd named 'You're So Dark' and slowly rolled into the making of another one that they hadn't titled yet but the chorus kept on with the phrase 'i want it all' so she'd refer to it as such.

She ignored the way Alex sang the words 'space age country girl, stone cold miracle' and the not-so-subtle looks he took at her every time it rolled off his tongue.

By three in the afternoon, she'd excused herself to take a skype call with Ben, Aaron and a new client. She'd gone to the room furthest away from them and even though she knew the walls could keep her voice from getting to them and ruining any recording, she'd still tried to be as quiet as she could.

That's why she was surprised to see everyone gone when she left the call. She wandered around the place, really taking time to admire every corner of the one-of-a-kind recording studio. She could see Queens of the Stone Age memorabilia, a portrait of PJ Harvey smoking a cigarette perched on one of the sofas in the studio hanging on the wall.

The array of different kinds and brands of guitars drew her in like a magnet. She had no idea how to play one but they all looked stunning and she wished at that moment she knew how to play at least one simple song.

"I never asked you if you knew how to play." The sudden appearance of Alex's voice scared her. She jumped in her place, turning slowly with a hand over her heart.

"Alex, for fucks sake." She cursed through her teeth.

He smiled softly, "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

She sighed, "Where is everyone? I thought you'd all left."

He shrugged, "They said something about getting food. Left before I could put down the guitar."

"Oh that was probably Matt's idea." Leaving Alex behind had to be his brilliant idea, she rolled her eyes at how he'd completely missed how that would turn out for her.

Alex nodded, "Most likely, yeah."

They stood there quietly—Alex resting against the door frame, Ella's fingers dancing over the guitars' necks.

"Did they leave long ago?" She crossed her fingers mentally, hoping they'd be back soon.

He only shook his head and with that she deflated, "They left about fifteen minutes ago."

Ella let out a humorless chuckle, "Great."

It looked like he was trying not to open his mouth, and she almost just told him to spill it all but she truly didn't want it to happen. Whatever would come out of his mouth would only make the situation ten times worse and she was still feeling unsettled by the question he'd made before coming into the studio in the morning.

She decided to sit in one of the chairs, slumping forward as she cradled her head in her hands. A headache already bubbling in the back of her skull, she rubbed her temples with her fingers. In the background she heard as Alex took a seat on the big settee by the door, one that faced her directly.

Alex cracked his knuckles and cleared his throat, he was getting the courage to ask everything he wanted to know. "So how has it been then?" His question was so vague she hummed in confusion—she had been with them for a week straight, what could he mean by that?

And then he shuffled in his seat and tried again, "With him, I mean. How's everything been with, erm, Julian?" He said his name with a struggle, like it hurt his throat to let it out.

"Very good, thanks. We're doing great." She fake coughed, straightening in her seat uncomfortably.

Alex nodded his head continuously, "He seems like a good guy... Interesting lad."

"He is. Wonderful, very interesting too, yeah." Her smile was so forced and it pained him to see.

"He really likes traveling doesn't he?" At that point he didn't even know what he was doing, he was just talking out of his ass.

"Oh yes, a lot. He has the best stories from traveling around for work."

He hummed, "Do you ever travel together?"

Ella chewed on her bottom lip before answering. "Sometimes. We tend to stay in California for work but there's times we travel together whenever I have to go somewhere with Focus Creeps and he's free or we're both able to go on a little weekend holiday."

"Really? Where have you been?" Curiosity killed the cat, he reminded himself. He was very aware of that but his mouth was going faster than his brain.

"We went to Mexico for our first month. We've been to Alaska and New York, but most of the time we take trips around the west coast." She recounted her drives with Julian to the different states along the coast they called home. "He's actually gone to Tennessee with me quite a few times." She added quickly.

"Oh yeah, I sa—. I, erm, suppose that was nice." His tongue tangled when he realized he was about to expose himself, but she hummed.

She knew he had seen, his secret instagram account handle was very not subtle and she'd gotten surprised when he followed her right after that call about the Olympics. "It was. Lovely to see him in my hometown and with my family, really. He fits right in."

He hated how she said that, like it was something that was written in stone. "Right, yes."

She didn't know why, but her brain just wanted her to scream a little detail that knew would ruin things even more. It was probably the thought of it hurting him, the way it had all hurt her back at the start of the year and she felt weirdly in need of some revenge. "We actually go to Belmont Park quite often."

A surprised "Oh." escaped his lips. That fact stung him like alcohol on a fresh cut wound, and that's when Alex noticed the situation hadn't hurt him as much before as it had in that very moment. The fact that she went to a place that so vividly was him and her with someone else felt like the biggest type of betrayal.

"Do you?" The question sat bitterly on his tongue.

It had been a mistake even mentioning it. A double edged knife as it all came like an avalanche over her. "Yeah, it's a lovely place during summertime." It reminded her why she never did revenge, it would always hurt her right back like she was doomed with automatic karma.

He sighed, sorting through his memories. "I remember that place quite fondly."

Ella panicked then, the need to remind him where he stood was strong inside her just to keep him from saying anything stupid that might make her spiral. "How's Arielle?" She spat the question like the words were burning her tongue.

He froze in his place for a second, his brain stopping the reel of Ella and his time in the coastal amusement park to replace it for the American model who was his girlfriend. "She's alright." He shrugged, not really caring to think much for detail. "Busy with casting calls and modeling gigs, but good."

She hated how the first thing her brain did was compare herself to Arielle, making her chuckle dryly. "Good thing she's a model right? Can travel around the world with you." She wanted to slap herself then for exposing her very biggest insecurity when it had come to her and Alex back then.

But Alex was too distracted by the new batch of questions flooding his mind to even notice what she'd just said. "I guess, yes."

"Of course it is, you're always in the presence of your muse." She was trying her hardest to push him to plainly tell her how much he adored Arielle just so she'd kill the shadow of hurt creeping back onto her but he didn't.

His gaze stayed fixated on her for a long few seconds, her breath caught in her throat seeing him zoned out with his eyes firmly on her. Ella cleared her throat and that's when he came back to reality. "Sure, my muse, yes. Lucky to have her always by my side." His reply was so meek it made her want to scream at him.

What do you want from me? She wanted to ask, over and over, until he gave her a fully honest answer.

"I'm just curious..." He started again, after half a minute of silence with eyes fixed on the floor. "Isn't it weird?"

Again he went with the vague inquiries, she frowned looking at him. "What?"

Alex looked up, feeling her burning gaze on him. "I dunno, just how fast you started it all with Julian." His words were weak, almost like he knew it was a mistake to have even said that out loud.

She was ready to start getting defensive but she'd give him another opportunity to explain himself before she could explode if it was needed. "What do you mean?"

He sighed, trying to word his thoughts in the best way possible, "Well, you know, I remember you telling me about how falling for someone you'd just met wasn't your thing."

"I said and did lots of things then, didn't I?" Her words came out heated, Ella was growing tired and she kept wondering what the hell was he trying to get from her.

"Do you regret them?" He was quick to ask, like that sentence had been a direct attack towards him. The question was looking for a deeper answer.

"Maybe." She tried to sound determined but it came out more like a question. She truly didn't regret anything that had happened or that she'd said because it all ended in the growth of herself as a person but, fuck, she just wanted him to hurt so he could drop the subject and whatever he was trying to achieve.

He only hummed in acknowledgment, making her feel like she had to further prove herself.

"He changed everything I had ever thought in a matter of weeks, I just know I love him and he loves me so that's more than enough for me. Time doesn't mean much to me anymore."

"Right." Alex nodded, his gaze staying on her for just a fleeting moment before it dropped down to the floor.

Ella continued then, finding more things she wanted to say, "No matter how long you've known people for, they always turn out to be someone you don't expect so I wasn't gonna lose an amazing person because of my fear of getting hurt." She was trying to find his eyes, just so he knew she meant every word that left her lips but he wasn't brave enough to make eye contact as she said all that. He felt like he was getting poked in his chest with a sharp and pointy knife. "I mean, you said it, didn't you?"

That's what got him to look up instantly, "What?" the singer asked, confused.

Alex's voice as they walked around Las Vegas came back to her very clearly, like the moment was happening at that very second: 'That's true, but don't close yourself off to the chances. Someday you'll meet that one person who'll change your mind about that and they will sweep you off your feet. Often heartbreak is necessary along the way, it shows you what's the right way you deserve to be loved.'

"That someday I'd meet a person who'd change my mind about all that time bullshit I used to swear by, and how they'd sweep me off my feet. That's exactly what he did." Ella recited his words back to him.

And the very moment came back to him like an ice cold water bucket being poured over his head. His words had come back to bite him on the ass. "I guess I did." His voice sounded defeated. "Yeah, erm, that's good. Good." Alex had no idea what he had tried to achieve with all that but, fucking hell, he felt like he had ruined everything.

They stayed quiet for what felt like a century but it had only been a minute. Their breathing sounded too loud and the beating of their heavy hearts was very present in their ears.

When her phone rang, she couldn't help but sigh in relief but her shoulders slumped when the name 'Jules <3' shone bright on her screen.

"Guess we summoned him." The PA joked, trying to lighten up the mood but he gave her the most humorless laugh that made her internally cringe. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? She asked herself, as if the whole situation had been her fault and not Alex's.

She stood up and pointed at the door to tell him she'd pick up and talk by the kitchen, he nodded dully and watched her go in the reflection of the window. He had fucked it all up and he knew it.

He could hear her in the distance and he hated the isolated zone the studio was in because the lack of city bustle meant he could hear everything she said.

"Hi babe!" Her greeting was chipper, she sounded relieved. "Not yet, the guys have gone out to get some lunch and then I guess they'll stay a few more hours until they're done." She paused for a few seconds but he couldn't make out whatever her boyfriend was saying on the other side of the line. "Yeah, they're great. You'd love to see them recording, it truly is magical." Alex smiled, as he could hear the sincerity in her voice.

"Oh?" Ella sounded surprised and he wondered what Julian could've told her. "Jules, are you fucking kidding?" She sounded breathless and elated. "No baby, not nice to hear when we're more than an hour away." Alex hated hearing her calling someone else that pet name. "Well I cannot wait to be home then." There was a small pause before she let out a sweet little giggle that melted Alex's insides. "What did I do to deserve you huh?" Alex rolled his eyes thinking about how Julian didn't deserve her but he couldn't say much, because he didn't deserve Ella either.

"Something new to try?" Her voice had turned suggestive then, and he hated that his brain started going through the endless possibilities of what that could mean. "Fuck, Julian." That had come out like a choked up whimper and Alex had had to shut his eyes close hard to focus on his thoughts not going there but then she said, "Yes, you fucking tease." almost out of breath and just that made the singer's thoughts start going in a forbidden direction. "Well if you had a car maybe we could move it forward but unfortunately you don't, so..." That made him freeze though, as he instantly imagined them two together in the back of a car and it was a visual he absolutely loathed.

"I fucking love you, you know that?" Her words were determined and they hit him like a truck. "Okay babe, cannot fucking wait to be home already." Another giggle that made Alex want to die echoed through the place and just as he was about to start plugging his ears to not listen anymore, she ended the call with a "See you soon then, love you."

He had to hurriedly grab his journal, scribbling around a new page when he heard her steps coming back in his direction.

When Ella entered the room again, she gave him a side smile. She went straight to her purse and grabbed her lighter and cigarettes, "I'm gonna go for a smoke, be right back."

"Alright." Alex nodded as he kept his eyes frozen on the white page that was slowly filling up with words that seemed to be just flooding out of him. The sound of her boots mixing with the ticking of the grandfather clock in the hallway replaying in his mind as the ink ruined the paper.

I wanna grab both your shoulders and shake

Snap out of it

Under a spell you're hypnotized

Darling, how could you be so blind?

If that watch don't continue to swing

Or the fat lady fancies having a sing

I'll be here, waiting ever so patiently for you to

Snap out of it

I've heard that you fell in love

Or near enough

It sounds like settling down or giving up

But it don't sound much like you

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

After that extremely awkward Monday, when she'd felt Alex's gaze burning on her back as she left the place in the back of Julian's bike, the week had gone by extremely slowly. She loved the band but she felt like she was suffocating under the heavy tension between her and Alex.

So when it reached Friday, the last day that she'd be recording them for the rest of the year, she felt like she could breathe more easily.

Matt had been an absolute nightmare though, ringing her at six in the morning so that she could be at the studio by half past seven.

"Matt, I will castrate you when I see you later," was the first thing she said when she picked up.

The man on the other line snorted, "Oh I'm so afraid." The heavy sarcasm in his voice only made her roll her eyes. "You have to be here early today, sweetheart. Last day and all." He sounded like he was hiding something but she was too tired to care.

She groaned, "Sure, I'll leave in a few. Bye." She didn't even give him time to reply because she instantly hung up the phone and sighed.

Her hair was damp when she'd gotten on her bike forty minutes after she'd ended the call, but it was dry from the wind by the time she got to the studio. She took off her helmet and brushed her hair with her fingers to then ruffle it. She checked on one of the mirrors of her bike and she shrugged, her lipstick still perfectly on and her hair just tamed enough.

She walked through the doors and made her way to the room they were always at. When she got there she didn't even look up before she dropped her bag and helmet on a chair. "Last day I have to see you idiots all day, thank fuck!" She joked but when she was met with an unusual silence, she turned around confused and that's when her jaw dropped.

Josh Homme was sitting right there in the middle of the room and everyone else was trying to hold in their laughs. Her cheeks tinted bright red, like her lipstick, and she wanted to disappear.

But the musician chuckled, making her feel slightly better. "Lucky." Josh started, continuing the joke, "This is my first day, have another week to go with them." He stood up with his hand out to greet Ella, "Lovely to meet you..."

She cleared her throat, blinking fast to try and come back down to reality but she was shocked. "Ella." She barely managed to say and Josh nodded, shaking her hand.

"Lovely to meet you Ella." He said again and her eyes went to all of the lads in search of answers.

When none of them gave her anything other than amused smiles, she looked back to the legendary musician in front of her and smiled brightly. "Very lovely to meet you, Mr. Homme."

The man waved her off, dropping her hand, "Oh please hun, just call me Josh. We're all friends here, no formalities."

She giggled, "Right, yes."

Ella tried to remain cool as she fell back into her usual routine, taking the camera out and capturing everything she could without disturbing their process. Matt sat next to her in the big settee twenty minutes later, watching Alex and Josh talking about 'Knee Socks' which was apparently the song Josh was gonna be in, and he elbowed her to tease her.

"Big fan of Queens of the Stone Age then?" The drummer whispered.

She turned to face him with an expression that screamed it was obvious, "Who isn't?"

Matt nodded, "Well, I did tell you to come early."

She scoffed, "Yes but you didn't mention Josh fucking Homme coming here today, idiot!" She whispered aggressively and she was grateful for Alex having started to play the guitar so the chords were louder than her voice.

"Details, details." Matt replied like it was nothing and she rolled her eyes.

"I cannot believe I'm actually gonna miss seeing y'all every day again." She admitted, fake defeated to keep up her act.

He clicked his tongue, "Of course you will, you love us."

"As I always say, unfortunately." She added in the same way, with a tight lip smile.

He opened his mouth to reply but Alex called him over and he could only get up quickly on his feet to see what they were gonna do then.

She had grown mesmerized by the creative process they had as they saw them work with Josh. James got there an hour later and it felt surreal, she truly felt like she was seeing actual magic happen and it hit her when she heard the brand new bridge for the song. It sounded heavenly and bold at the same time.

She knew when the album would come out, she'd have a different perspective on it for the sole reason that she was witnessing all those turning points in the making of it. And she was sure that just from the fact that she was experiencing all of it first hand, it would become her favorite album of theirs.

When they had all gotten hungry at around ten in the morning, Ella had ordered something for everyone and when the food had arrived, they all gathered around the wooden dinner table in the kitchen to chat shit and eat before resuming their work.

Josh was so easy to be around and Ella loved that one of the people she'd always admired as a musician was also a lovely person in real life. He had thanked her for the food and given her a side hug before they all cleaned up and went back to the recording room.

Ella made sure to record as much as she could but when the battery died and she had to wait for it to charge, she put her earphones on and started listening to some music.

Matt and Jamie sat chatting in a corner of a room while Alex, Nick and Josh hovered over Alex's journal to work through some lyrics. Ten minutes passed as she sorted through her emails when Alex sat beside her and she barely noticed.

He poked at her arm to not scare her again and she turned slowly to him, "Hey," she greeted timidly.

"Was Josh Homme a nice surprise?" He asked like her reaction hadn't been enough of an answer.

Her eyebrows rose on her face as she nodded enthusiastically, "Of course, yes. I still can't believe he's just–" she paused to find the perfect word but she failed so she just subtly pointed at him and finished by saying, "There."

Alex chuckled, "What are you listening to?" He had seen her bopping her head as she typed and he was curious to know.

"Black Sabbath." She showed him her phone screen, "War Pigs. Stunning guitar riff." She added, like it was one of those texts she used to send him of the songs she was obsessing over whoever week or day and which detail was her favorite of it.

He'd heard it before, of course, so he nodded but she took off one of her earphones so he could put it in and listen with her. Once the bud was in his ear, she played the song back from the beginning and he found himself trying to think of the chords in his head.

A song like it was one that he'd love to have on this album, it was the vibe he was going for when he pictured what the record would sound like in his head.

When the song finished he took off the earbud and handed it back to her. "Brilliant guitar riff. I wanna try and play it."

She thought he meant to play it maybe later but no, he got up immediately and grabbed his Gretsch duo jet, placed a pick between his teeth as he pulled the guitar strap over his shoulders and started playing with the chords until he started getting closer and closer to it.

Josh was quick to recognize the song, "War Pigs, classic."

Alex nodded as he stopped and then started it back up again. "I wanna use it in this record, I think."

"Domino won't hate you for having to get the licenses for it?" Asked the American singer, amused.

"Nah, I'll get it somehow even if they don't want to." Alex replied very confidently.

"Atta boy." Celebrated Josh, "You'll have to give it an Arctic Monkeys twist though, make it fresh." He advised, not only so that the song would be good but for the sake of the credits of the song he was trying to make.

Alex called to his bandmates then, "Oi, Nick, Jump in this one with me. Jamie, let's play it together first and then we can start changing the chords each at a time."

A few hours later, they had a wonderful take on the War Pigs guitar riff and the band seemed to be in love with it. They recorded it and labeled it the first demo, Ella had managed to catch that recording process and she was beaming as she saw it happen.

She'd felt like she had contributed there, it made her heart swell in a strange new way. She was about to scold herself for feeling so proud about it when it was so insignificant, when Alex went up to her and gave her a brief hug.

"Thanks for that Ellie. Good thing we have you here at the studio with us, isn't it?" His hand dropped after squeezing her right arm, her left side pressed against him.

She smiled brightly then, shrugging it off because she had only played him a song he already knew, it wasn't a massive contribution. "It literally was nothing Alex."

Alex clicked his tongue, "Yeah, don't really think so." disagreeing with her, making her smile bigger.

Right there and then, it felt like it was all falling back into place at least for a few seconds and they could both take a breath of fresh air.

"Would it help you feel better if I just said you're welcome?" Her smile could be heard in her voice and it made him unbelievably happy.

He nodded, "Definitely."

"You're welcome, Al." She replied easily and he beamed at her, it was the first time she called him Al in a long while, it made his stomach flip.

"Right," The singer started, still grinning. "It's your last day with us here until next year so just leave the camera, enjoy it."

Her brows furrowed, "But the documentary—"

He waved it off, "It would be a maximum of forty five minutes, Ellie and we still have January through June to record so don't worry. There'd be plenty of footage in the future."

She hummed, "Okay boss, whatever you say." She joked and he chuckled.

The day ended far quicker than she expected it and soon enough she was saying goodbye to the band, James and Josh. They all watched her drive away on her bike as the sun set in the horizon, the ends of her long black hair waving in the air.

In the third and last week that the band had spent in the studio, which Ella hadn't been there to record, the 'War Pigs' inspired song had been born and fully developed.

It only made sense that if the song had seen its creation because of Ella, it had to be the one to home all those lines Alex had written about her.

Alex sang into the microphone as the red light on top of the booth indicated it was recording. His eyes closed as he pictured her and himself walking around LA, Las Vegas and San Diego—all the pictures and the conversations, the drinks and the fleeting touches shared.

Arabella's got some interstellar-gator skin boots

And a Helter Skelter 'round her little finger

And I ride it endlessly

She's got a Barbarella silver swimsuit

And when she needs to shelter from reality

She takes a dip in my daydreams

My days end best when the sunset gets itself behind

That little lady sitting on the passenger side

It's much less picturesque without her catching the light

The horizon tries but it's just not as kind on the eyes

As Arabella, oh

As Arabella

Just might've tapped into your mind and soul

You can't be sure

Arabella's got a '70s head

But she's a modern lover

It's an exploration, she's made of outer space

And her lips are like the galaxy's edge

And her kiss the colour of a constellation

Falling into place

My days end best when the sunset gets itself behind

That little lady sitting on the passenger side

It's much less picturesque without her catching the light

The horizon tries but it's just not as kind on the eyes

As Arabella, oh

As Arabella

Just might've tapped into your mind and soul

You can't be sure

That's magic, in a cheetah print coat

Just a slip, underneath it, I hope

Asking if, I can have one of those

Organic, cigarettes that she smokes

Wraps her lips, 'round a Mexican Coke

Makes you wish, that you were the bottle

Takes a sip of your soul, and it sounds like...

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The band's stay at the golden state had reached its end. The three weeks they had planned on staying were up but before it was time for them to leave Ella and Breana had planned a little farewell dinner. Breana would be staying in LA this time, so when she told Ella to help her organize it for the lads before they left, she just couldn't say no to her best friend.

It didn't take much organization, just a phone call to the restaurant to make a reservation and a text in the group chat to make sure the band knew where to be on Sunday the 9th at seven in the evening.

Ella was there ten minutes before the clock announced it was seven, she stood by the mural to the left side of the restaurant's door smoking a cigarette. She had just lit it, and absentmindedly took a drag out of it seeing as Julian took a few steps to stand in front of her and take the stick from her fingers.

The filter was stained with the red of her lipstick and it made her boyfriend groan, she laughed as she let the smoke out upwards, taking a peek at the moon. Julian left a trail of kisses up her throat all the way up to her chin, his lips hovered over hers but he left her breathless when he lifted the cigarette to take a drag of it and then place it back on her lips.

"Tease," she muttered with the burning stick between her lips.

The scruff of a car's brakes made them turn around, a yellow cab stopped a few feet right beside them. They were about to get back to what they were doing when one of the back doors opened and out came none other than Alex Turner.

He looked amazing under the dim street lights, the cream button up he was wearing contrasted perfectly with his black trousers and blazer. The small heels of his chelsea boots hit the pavement and composed the perfect background noise to his entrance.

Alex cleared his throat, hoping his frown wasn't as hard as it had been a minute earlier when he had seen from afar the show Ella and Julian were putting for everyone walking around the block.

Julian stepped aside to let Ella greet Alex first. "Hello Ella," he hugged her briefly but tight, she reciprocated one handed as she kept the hand she was holding her cigarette with away from him. Alex shook Julian's hand, firmly. "Nice to see you again, Julian."

Julian nodded, "Nice to see you too, Alex. How was your time in LA? Everything sweet, everything nice?"

Alex gave him a forced side smile, Ella turned to rest against the mural again and continued smoking—she tried to relax but she was internally panicking, begging to any high power that the rest of their friends showed up soon so the three wouldn't have to wait too long alone.

"Everything was great, already can't wait to be back to keep recording." From his voice she could tell he was distracted, and Ella kept her eyes closed but she felt him staring.

But why wouldn't he? She looked dashing dressed in all black. A little black slip dress on with high heeled stilettos, a leather jacket on and a small prada purse hanging off her shoulder. The dress had a slit, showing off her 'Divine Feminine' tattoo perfectly.

He was too caught up to even notice Julian had caught him staring.

"She's stunning, isn't she?" Her boyfriend had asked proudly, and Alex had gone cold.

He tried to play it cool though, nodding as he took his cigarettes out and picked one to light up. "She's always been."

If Julian had gotten jealous from that, he didn't show it as he nonchalantly then proceeded to walk towards Ella. He dove his hand into Ella's jacket pockets and fished a cigarette for himself, placing it between his teeth and staring at his girlfriend silently asking her to light him up.

She did, her movements graceful and experienced and Alex caught the small 'thank you' Julian gave her before he started smoking.

The American man had waved him over, "C'mere man, we're not gonna bite."

Alex let out a bland chuckle that made a puff of smoke leave his mouth. His steps were slow as he moved closer to them, and he wished Arielle could've canceled that late night shoot so she'd be there with him. He didn't want to be a third wheel, much less to Ella and her fucking boyfriend.

It had been a painful eight minutes he had to endure of small talk that ended with Ella narrating how it had been to spend a whole day with Josh Homme and Julian watching her talk mesmerized. Their fingers were interlocked and Alex had had to watch Julian play with Ella's fingers as he listened to her.

Just as Alex was contemplating fishing his pockets for a third smoke, ruckus broke out behind him and he recognized it instantly. He could breathe now that Breana and Matt had arrived, and when Alex fully turned, he saw Jamie and Nick exiting the cab as well.

Everyone greeted each other and once that was done, Ella walked ahead of the group into Craig's. She'd chosen the place not only because it was gorgeous and the food was delicious but because loads of famous people tended to go there so they truly wouldn't be bothered if anyone recognized them.

It wasn't long before they were seated and, to Ella's incredible fortune, she ended up seated in the middle of Alex and Julian.

Before they ordered any food, they were asked for their drinks to which they'd all agreed on a nice bottle of cabernet. Their waiter had uncorked the bottle effortlessly and served everyone a perfect amount to start with.

Chatter rolled easily as they drank more wine, their orders then taken and underway in the fancy kitchen of the place.

Their flight was taking off at noon, meaning they had to be at LAX at around nine in the morning. The band was promising to be the most sober ones just to make their next morning easy for themselves.

When their plates got to their table, they all dove in. The variety of dishes was astounding and it impressed them even more how regardless of how different each one was, they all were remarkably delicious.

Alex watched through the corner of his eye as Julian gathered a forkful of his salmon dish to feed Ella.

"Babe, you gotta try this." He'd said after a blissful hum he let out when he got the first bite of it. His hand a few inches under the fork to avoid spilling anything.

Ella was quick to open her mouth to accept the food and once it reached her tongue, she let her red lips wrap around the fork. Julian pulled back the piece of silverware as he stared attentively at her reaction and when her eyes closed in delight at the taste, he smiled bright.

She waited until she was finished with her bite to speak, "That's really fucking good."

Alex wanted to roll his eyes, how was it that even surrounded by other four people he still felt like a third wheel. His fork screeched as he gathered his rigatoni alla vodka.

Conversations continued as everyone slowly worked through their food, not really minding it going cold because they were all just basking in each other's presence.

"Helders, you're giving me my best friend back, finally. Thank you very much." Ella teased as she remembered that Breana was planning on staying in LA the whole time they'd be gone.

The drummer sighed, squeezing his girlfriend's hand under the table. "Yeah, not really my choice to be honest. She'd always be by my side if it was for me."

"Awh look at you, maybe you are romantic after all." The PA cooed, a little pout on her face at the sight of them.

Matt let out a small giggle, "Of course I am, idiot."

"Well it's hard to picture with the stories I hear." Ella trailed off, making Jamie and Nick look at her curiously.

Matt smirked, "Like what you're told?"

"Pretty vanilla to me, honestly." She played, making Matt laugh a little too loud.

"Okay, kinky bastard." The teasing made Ella sit straighter as she flushed, Julian smiled proudly next to her. Alex just wanted to disappear, he would beg to hear anything else but what she got up to with Julian in the bedroom.

To Alex's relief, she wasn't in the mood to share any stories. "Guess your hand is gonna have to do for the next few months." The faux pity in her voice was so heavy it had Matt glaring at her.

"It will, and those scans you're meant to send me." He made sure to remind her as she'd promised him and he had really liked those previews she'd shown him on her phone.

Nick sighed, exasperated at the turn the conversation had taken. He really didn't want to think about his mate wanking to pictures of his girlfriend while he was eating the best scallops he'd ever had. "Can yous fucking stop? I'm trying to eat."

Ella laughed, "So very sorry, Nick."

The bassist huffed in exaggerated annoyance, "You better be."

Once everyone finished their food, the waiter had been fast to pick the plates up and ask if they fancied anything else. Soon enough, a new bottle of wine was on its way and, just as fast as it had arrived, they were finishing it.

They each had been drinking more red then than at the start of the night so the bottle didn't last more than twenty minutes.

Ella hummed then, seeing as most of their glasses were empty—Alex being the only one to have a sip of it left. "Anyone fancy a bottle of champers?" Her question was thrown in the air and they all slowly agreed.

She turned to Julian, mumbling something that only Alex got to properly hear. "Don't have any rings on me though..."

Alex's right hand reached over for his wine glass and just as his fingers rounded it, he heard Julian say something to him.

"That ring's sick man, mind if I have a look at it?"

Alex was confused but he nodded nonetheless, putting his glass back on the table to take the ring off and hand it to the videographer. He only took a look at it for a quick two seconds before he put it on his own pinky finger.

"Looks great doesn't it?" He lifted his hand up to show Ella and she nodded. Alex frowned, what the fuck is he doing putting my ring on?

Julian made him snap back to reality when he took it off and mumbled a quick, "Would look better on you though." And before Alex could even have time to process that, he got up and walked around his chair to kneel in front of Ella.

The singer's eyes almost popped out of his head and Breana's gasp was loud enough to grab the attention of not only their whole table but the ones around them. Suddenly, the restaurant started to quiet down as everyone's attention turned to the dirty blonde down on one knee in front of his girlfriend.

"Ella, honey, you are by far the sweetest most wonderful thing that has happened to me." His voice was so sweet as it reached her ears and she knew it was only the start but she was already swooning. "I wish time had been kinder to me and let me meet you before but the fact that you even are in my life now is enough to feel like life didn't cheat me. You take my breath away with everything you do, everything you say and everything you are. My heart bursts at its seams just by thinking of you and every time I get to see you." Her heart definitely felt like it was failing her from how much she loved the man kneeling in front of her.

"You are my perfect accomplice, I cannot imagine doing life with anybody else. Every night, I wish upon every star I'm able to see in this polluted city that I'll be able to be yours forever. And I can only hope I'm lucky enough to have you feel the same, to know that you want me to be yours until the end of times." A small sob escaped her, tears pooling in her eyes threatening to spill at any moment. "And I think about asking you to marry me every night when we go to sleep and I see that sweet little pout next to me, the way you cling to me is a feeling I don't ever wanna lose. I don't ever wanna lose you." The tears were falling, wetting her lips which were stuck in a beaming smile. "I want to witness you and what you become, worship every single bit of you and all you do. In this life and the next, if you'll have me. Ella, my love, would you marry me?" He finally asked and the giggles escaped her as more tears ran down her cheeks.

"Yes!" She exclaimed breathlessly, "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes." She chanted as she cupped his face. Julian kissed the inside of her palm and then grabbed her left hand to put the ring on. It fit perfectly. Once it was on, they sealed the moment with a long kiss, Ella holding Julian's face with both her hands like she was afraid he'd disappear if she didn't have her hold on him.

Alex was so fucking confused, he felt like he was gonna puke everything he'd had that night. He felt himself sweating cold, and he was sure he was as pale as a white sheet of paper. Everyone around them was hollering, Nick and Jamie wolf whistling as Breana cried while she clapped and Matt had the brightest smile.

Their table neighbors cooed and clapped as Julian rose to sit back down, his lips red from Ella's lipstick. Alex looked around in shock but the only one who caught him was Matt, his smile faltered slightly at the sight of his friend but then he chuckled. The whole thing had fucked him over.

Soon their waiter came back, but with a bucket filled with ice homing a massive bottle of Champagne. Champagne flutes being carried by a waitress right behind him.

The young man smiled at the couple who'd just stolen the show and set the bottle in the middle of the table. "We're beyond happy to have witnessed this new step in your beautiful relationship so we wanted to give you this to celebrate." The lady behind him set the seven tall glasses on the table before they both proceeded to serve the beverage. "The chef wanted to congratulate you as well with some lovely dessert which I'll be bringing out in just a moment."

Ella cooed, her hand on her chest. "Thank you so much! You are all so sweet."

The pair nodded with a smile before they left and once everyone in the restaurant settled back again, Ella and Julian shared another quick kiss. She wiped on his bottom lip when she broke the kiss, leaning back slightly with the brightest smile on her face.

Alex was still malfunctioning so Matt took it upon himself to get an explanation out of the couple.

"So, what was that?" His question seemed amused, not really believing in the veracity of the proposal as they had literally used Alex's 'death ramps' ring. That detail only made him want to laugh harder.

Ella shrugged, whispering her answer. "Well y'all did say you wanted some champagne so mission accomplished."

Jamie cackled, "You cheeky bitch."

"That's me." Ella replied, winking at him. But then she sighed, absolutely elated. "We have done this many times before, must've gotten engaged at least half a dozen times in loads of places around the country but, oh my god, he went off with this one." She turned to Julian and scrunched up her nose to him. "I fucking adore you."

Alex's confusion then turned into anger. What the fuck? All he could think was how easy it was for them to make up such a deceiving situation but the thing that had him seething was the fact that they had just decided to do that with his ring. What the fuck are they on about? He kept asking himself over and over.

Julian stole a few pecks from her, tinting his lips redder than they already were. "Adore you even more."

Alex was about to lose it, he could only think about going for a smoke or two but he'd have to wait it out a little longer or he'd be way too obvious.

The champagne was heavenly, the bubbles running down their throats perfectly. They resumed their conversation like nothing had happened but then some nosey people started coming over to the table as they made their ways to leave the restaurant. Most of them were sweet, telling them 'congratulations' before they told them some cringe joke about the honeymoon and they'd leave with a wink; but the young couple that had just approached their table had asked to see the ring.

Ella had tried not to laugh, covering it up with a cough. She showed off her left hand, the 'death ramps' ring snuggled around her slender finger and matching perfectly with her red nails.

The unknown girl had frowned, confused at the ring choice and Ella giggled. "That's his most special ring. A family thing really, so it's very special he's proposed with it."

The strangers only nodded with a forced smile that had everyone at the table biting their tongues not to laugh—everyone except for Alex, who was growing angrier, because apparently it was Julian's family ring now.

He had to hold back a scoff, choosing to just down the champagne he had left and excuse himself to go to the bathroom.

No one really noticed the haste in which he left the table except for Matt, who followed his path with an attentive gaze. Everyone else at the table was too busy listening to the bullshit details of Ella's very much fake upcoming wedding.

"Bright pink flowers and a purple dress? You are insane." Nick shook his head at the deranged shit she was saying.

"Wait until you hear about our rainbow triple layer wedding cake." Ella added and the thought of it made everyone laugh harder. She only hoped no one was eavesdropping and taking what she was saying seriously because then they'd think she was insane.

Alex threw cold water on his face to get him to calm down. It was fake, they're not engaged, they did not get engaged with your ring. You have a stunning girlfriend that you love very much, you told her you loved her only two days ago. Ella is happy with someone else, you're just friends—that's all you'll ever be. He kept telling himself all that like he was a religious man reciting his favorite holy book verses.

Once Alex got back to the table, he found everyone taking bites of a big apple crumble with vanilla ice cream on top.

Ella waved him over excitedly, "Al, come here! You need to try this."

His ring on her finger flashed under the lights in the restaurant. How he wished he'd been the one to give it to her.

He sat down on his seat on her right side, and instantly was surprised by Ella feeding him a spoonful of dessert. He didn't know what he was expecting but she didn't take the spoon away for him, making Alex have to do the rest for himself. He set the utensil on top of his cloth napkin that was still on the table where he'd left it before running off.

He nodded, relishing in the sweetness of the dish. His brain took him back to the day they shared funnel cakes at Belmont Park and he smiled fondly. He remembered the excited smile on her face as she waited for his reaction to the food and he couldn't help but compare it to how she was looking at him at the moment.

"S'really good." Alex agreed and she nodded back.

"Right?!" She turned back to grab another bite with her own spoon, "You're very welcome guys, I will be expecting an award later."

Jamie smirked then, taking the opportunity to tease Ella. "We'll leave it to Julian to give you your prize, Ellie."

Her breath hitched making her cough and Julian laughed beside her, he brought a hand to her back to rub it soothingly whilst she kept coughing with a hand over her mouth. Alex wanted to die right there, why were his friends like that?

"Oh she will. Whatever she wants tonight, she gets it." Julian agreed, "Shall we try that leather thing you ordered the other day?" He suggested, making Ella's eyes widen. Next to her, Alex was staring at his lap with the same expression.

She pinched Julian's waist, "Fucks sake, shut up!" She shouted in a whisper, the last thing she needed was the lads finding out how she was in bed when she knew they'd just tease her endlessly about it.

Matt was quick to try and pry for more information, "Oh Julian, do tell us what that leather thing is."

Alex wanted to interfere before anything else was said, Please do not tell us, Julian.

He opened his mouth to start explaining but Ella's hand flew over his mouth to avoid anyone getting an explanation.

"Yeah, you're not getting anything from him," she started with a threatening voice, her eyes swimming around the table and then she turned to her boyfriend to finish her ultimatum, "If he wants to use it tonight."

Julian nodded obediently but licked the palm of her hand that was still covering his mouth just to get on her nerves. Ella scoffed and then used her napkin to clean her hand, Alex stole a glance at her and she looked so happy regardless of the teasing that it made him want to leave already.

Breana smirked at her best friend who was sitting right in front of her, "You're really hot Ellie, has anyone told you that?" Ella smirked back at her, if there was anyone who was her loyal cheerleader, it was Bre.

"Only you all the time, my love." She blew the model a kiss which she reciprocated.

Matt hugged Breana by the waist, bringing her to his side possessively and pointed a finger at Julian. "Oi, get your girlfriend to stop flirting with mine."

Everyone started laughing, the giggles filling the air around their table. Ella winked at Breana and then turned to Matt to bother him a bit more.

"You just know I could steal her from you easily."

Matt scoffed but when Breana agreed with a "She could." He rolled his eyes.

It was his turn to mortify Ella, "Can we get another round of applause for the soon-to-be married?" The drummer asked loudly to the rest of the restaurant and when the place erupted in claps and cheers, Ella hid in Julian's neck.

Her and Julian had to look around mouthing 'thank you's to the people around them. Minutes passed and when finally no one had their eyes on them, she glared at Matt. "You're a fucking menace, let's just get the check already."

Ten minutes later, they had paid and were outside waiting for their taxis. The head chef had gone out to personally congratulate Julian and Ella and she had started to feel bad for deceiving everyone at the restaurant like that. The champagne and dessert had been worth it though, but the guilt set in when before they left, one of the waitresses gave her a lovely bouquet of roses.

Once outside, Ella had felt like she could breathe again. She took one rose out of the arrangement she was holding in her right hand and gave it to Breana. She thanked her with a loud kiss on her cheek which made Matt get in the middle of them to keep Ella away from her, as he'd said.

The lads were all leaving in the same cab back to the hotel, meaning Bre would share the taxi with Julian and Ella.

"Are you staying over?" Julian asked his girlfriend's best friend, knowing he was gonna stay at Ella's.

Breana let out a sarcastic laugh, ""Yeah, absolutely not. I'd like to get a good night's sleep, thank you very much."

Ella rolled her eyes, "We're not that loud."

Bre disagreed instantly, "Yes you are. Don't even try to fight me on this one unless you want me to record a voice note of it next time as proof."

Alex was grateful he'd decided to light up a cigarette the second they stepped outside, he was lost in the nicotine filling his system and texting Arielle to avoid listening further into the conversation his friends were having.

He could hear the commotion behind him after Ella had finally whispered to Breana in her ear what it was that she'd ordered. Alex ignored the gasp the model let out, and how loud Matt had gotten as he was trying to find out too, to read whatever Arielle was saying about the video she was shooting.

Soon enough the cab that was taking the guys arrived and they all started hugging around. Bre wouldn't let go of Matt as Ella walked around hugging everyone goodbye. The PA was feeling weirdly nostalgic even if she knew they'd be back in LA in no time.

Jamie and Nick both squished her in a hug, she was gonna miss them so much. "Gonna wish on every star the months go by fast, I'm gonna miss you so much." They reciprocated her words, promising they'd be back as soon as the holidays were over.

Alex dropped his cigarette on the floor and stepped on it before opening his arms to her. They swayed with their holds tight on each other. "Gonna miss you." He said, kissing the top of her head.

"Me too." Ella replied and let go of him. She took his ring off her finger and gave it back to him, "Sorry for stealing it for so long, hope you enjoyed the champagne at least."

He chuckled, putting the ring back on his little finger. "I did, thanks Ellie." What he hadn't enjoyed was the way his heart dropped at the proposal, and the way his brain seemed to hold onto Julian's every word despite every try at forcing himself to think about anything else.

He was going to go insane.

Smiling brightly, "You're welcome," she said lastly before she left to walk towards Matt and Breana. When she got to them, she poked Bre on the ribs. "As much as I hate him, I wanna say goodbye." She joked.

The model left her boyfriend with a loud peck on his lips and proceeded to hug everyone else goodbye, following after Julian who was now saying bye to Nick with a typical bro hug.

Ella hugged Matt, "Don't take too long to come back yeah? She's gonna be insufferable if you're not back the second it turns 2013."

He laughed in her ear, giving her a squeeze before they both let go of each other. "I will, I promise."

They'd had to basically push Matt into the cab after that, because he could not stop kissing Breana goodbye. They could see the exasperated look on the driver's face but Alex promised him they'd give him a big tip for the inconvenience.

Julian, Ella and Breana waved them goodbye as the car left and then they sighed when it went out of their view.

Ella snaked her arm around Bre's waist and she started walking, "Let's go, my love."

Julian followed after them, chuckling. "I love how the second I'm alone with you two, I end up being the third wheel."

Bre giggled, "Get used to it Jules, she was mine first."

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Alex thought being back in the UK would be the cure for it all. Being away from LA, surrounded by his family and friends and walking through the familiar streets around the city of London would whisk away the thought of Ella.

How wrong had he been.

It had been almost two months since they'd left Los Angeles, the month of November just starting, the weather getting colder and colder on the way to the holiday season. But not cold enough for him to endure the actual madness the Halloween week had caused him.

He'd gone to a Halloween party he'd been invited to with his friends and his girlfriend but nothing interesting had happened there, everything that had gone wrong was purely Ella's fault.

Despite Halloween being on a Thursday, Ella had partied from Wednesday to Friday and Alex only knew because she'd posted pictures to her Instagram that had left him gasping for air.

On Wednesday she had posted multiple pictures of a photoshoot she seemed to have done with Breana. They were both dressed as witches only they only had lacey lingerie bodysuits under a black velvet cloak that barely covered them. They had pointy witch hats on their heads in some pictures and their fingers were halfway covered in some kind of black ink that tied it all together.

The pictures looked stunning, there was no denying Ella's amazing photography skills and creativity when it came to setting a perfect shoot, but the one that had fucked with him the most was one where Ella seemed to have Bre's hand around her neck.

In the picture Ella was laying on the grass, surrounded by black candles lit alive and pages that displayed weird imagery. She was staring at the camera whilst Breana's arm seemed to rest between her boobs so her hand came to wrap around Ella's neck—her pointer finger was lifted and pressing on Ella's bottom lip. The red lighting setting the mood even more.

When Alex saw that as he unlocked his phone and scrolled through instagram, he choked on his coffee. The liquid splattered all over the kitchen counter as he struggled to set the mug down before finding a napkin to clean everything up.

It was like something ignited inside of him, something that he'd tried so hard not to let catch a single spark after coming back from California.

He'd spent a good fifteen minutes staring at the pictures, his eyes stuck on Ella, making him wonder why she wasn't in front of the camera more often. She was meant to be the focus of the frames. He could prove it with that singular picture.

His mind obsessed over how much he wanted to take Breana's place in the pictures, especially that one. He wanted to have her underneath him like that, at his mercy with his hand around her throat—completely surrendered to him.

It was Nick's knock on his door that startled him back to reality, he quickly dropped his empty mug in the sink and locked his phone before opening the door and letting the bassist in. He told him he'd go for a quick piss before they left.

When he got to the bathroom he could only think of the pictures, he had to splash his face multiple times to get the thoughts out of his head. Get a fucking grip mate! He told himself as he tapped his cheeks repeatedly. He sighed, he was going to go mad.

Later that day, when he was too many tequila shots in after a football game they'd been watching had finished in a tense round of penalties, Alex found himself unconsciously scrolling through Instagram and looking for Ella's page.

He found a new picture posted: Breana and Ella dressed in the witch costumes and with cocktails in hand. Bre was helping Ella light up her cigarette with her own that was sticking out from between her teeth.

Alex groaned as he scrolled back down to find the picture he couldn't stop thinking about, only the alcohol loosening his senses up enough to feel his dick twitch in his pants the second he laid his eyes on it.

Fucking hell...

The next night, he remembered being in the kitchen making some popcorn for him and Arielle to snack on while watching movies when he stumbled across yet another picture of her halloween celebrations.

It was a mirror picture this time, taken by Breana who seemed to be dressed as the opposite to her best friend—a regular angel, dressed in all white. In comparison, Ella was wearing nothing but a black corset and a garter belt underneath holding up her sheer thigh high stockings, on her back were a pair of black angel wings that completed her costume. Her long black hair fell in waves over her shoulders but not hiding the swell of her breasts that were on full show thanks to the tightness of her corset.

He cursed under his breath feeling incredibly flustered at the sight, the insistent beeping of the microwave was disrupting his efforts to gather himself. He poured the popcorn in a bowl and hastily made his way back to his room. The movie wasn't even fifteen minutes in when he had pounced on his girlfriend in search of some relief, and he was glad to feel her reciprocation. He'd sighed when he had finished, relishing in the dissipation of his pent up frustration.

That only lasted for a day because he was once again drowning in filthy thoughts about Ella. He was tipsy, dressed as a bloody washing machine to match his girlfriend's costume as Florence—it had been his idea to make the pun work as a costume, Florence and the (washing) Machine—, when he'd gone out for a cigarette and scrolled through social media without even being focused on it. He'd just wanted to distract himself from the noise of the party he was in but the picture Ella had posted only ten minutes before shook his ground.

He hated it because Julian was in it dressed as Hugh Hefner, holding Ella's waist tightly and smiling brightly, yet he fucking loved it because she looked stunning. Playboy bunny, of course she had to dress up as one.

Her legs on full show, only covered by sheer black stockings, the bodice she was wearing hugged her curves perfectly, cuffs on her wrist, a tuxedo collar with a bow tie around her neck, and the bunny ears perched on top of her head. But what made him gasp for air was the fluffy tail on her ass, she just looked so fucking irresistible he almost ran to the bathroom to alleviate himself.

He'd left the party relatively early with Arielle, after she just couldn't wait any longer to get home from all the things he was whispering in her ear. He'd been eager to start it all the second they walked through the front door of his flat, hands working as fast as they could because he could feel the thought of Ella chasing him as he got off with Arielle.

It was like she was haunting his every thought.

Not even after their activities had he been able to catch sleep. Arielle was spent, softly snoring beside him but he just couldn't rest. He got up and hid in the bathroom, his phone clutched in his hand to succumb to temptation, to the thought of her.

He had taken a screenshot of the picture, cropping Julian fast before he could do anything else. He'd tried his hardest to stay as quiet as possible as his fist pumped his hard cock, shaky breaths leaving him with each stroke to the sight of Ella in that damn costume.

He thought how he'd not be able to wait much to fuck her in it, he was sure that if he was with her that night he'd have her bent over the kitchen counter the second they got home. His hand print would certainly be marked on her ass by the end of the night and her neck littered with love bites because there was nothing he wanted to do more than to mark that pretty neck up as he pounded into her from behind.

The thought of his hips rocking against hers was more than enough to tip him over the end, imagining he was letting his cum drip all over her ass and her lower back. What a sight that would be.

He felt calmer after that, but as he cleaned up he started to grow restless. What the fuck are you doing? He asked himself, looking at his reflection in the mirror, he was disappointed in himself for having just wanked to a picture of Ella for the second time, but mostly because the satisfaction was stronger than his disappointment. He made sure to delete the screenshot from his phone before he exited the bathroom, the last thing he needed was his girlfriend finding out he was cumming to the thought of somebody else.

He thought then, when Halloween week was over and November claimed its very first week, it would be back to normal for him, as normal as it could be. She had been posting her usual pictures: shots of different parts of the city of Los Angeles, candids of strangers around her, pictures from her usual photoshoots which mostly caught Breana front and center of the camera. His innocent scrolls through Instagram were just that, innocent and appreciating of her talent, but a fateful afternoon in the very middle of the month had him cursing into the air.

She looked drenched, head to toe, but only wearing a two-piece lingerie set that made his eyes roll back into his head. He groaned as he started getting hard in his sweatpants. She had suspenders that clasped on the top of her knickers and those thigh high stockings that looked marvelous on her. Her legs looked longer with the stilettos she had on and the oversized blazer that was hanging off her shoulders somehow made her look hotter. She had him in shambles.

'He says I'm his muse' she'd captioned it and Alex wished he could tell her she was his too. Despite wanting to punch Julian for having Ella, he mentally thanked him for such a stunning picture of her.

That had been the third time he'd made a mess in the bathroom to the thought of her, this time in the shower just like the first time and letting himself make as much noise as he wanted to since he was home alone. He was afraid of letting himself moan Ella's name, wary of the things that would unravel but when it fell from his lips as he came, he'd never felt something sound more right in his life.

He should've really listened to himself back then and stopped himself from moaning her name because by the last month of the year, he'd lost count of how many times he'd come undone while chanting her name. The walls echoing her name back to him every time he needed relief, which was almost every time she posted.

To a picture of her naked silhouette on the beach against the golden light casted by the dying sun. A picture Julian had taken of her naked in bed, the sheets barely covering her body. A picture Breana had taken of her sucking her middle finger staring at the camera, her hollowed cheeks on perfect show. A picture just centered on her tits which were barely covered by the two glasses of vodka cranberry she had, one on each hand and over her nipples.

He had lost count of how many times he had screenshotted and deleted pictures from his phone to not get caught. He found himself looking through her instagram more times than not. It was bad, he was down bad.

It had been Matt who had caught onto him, it only had taken him a few times to catch up onto his pattern.

The first time had been when they had all been over at Alex's to watch an American football match they had been anticipating, that's why it had been so weird to Matt when Alex stood up and left in the middle of a play that was gonna end up in a definite touchdown for the team they were rooting for.

Alex had gotten a notification on his phone, opened Instagram only to find a picture that had made him choke on the sip of beer he'd taken. He tried to put his phone down and watch the game but his eyes were almost glued to the picture Ella had just posted.

It was her in front of the camera with her boyfriend behind her, holding her bare tits for her. His hands covered her breasts from the camera as she glared at it with a threatening stare. Her red lips were enticing with a lit up cigarette hanging from them. 'Bras are overrated'. He was embarrassed of how fast he'd liked the picture, considering unliking it to maintain his reputation intact but it was too late, Ella probably had already gotten the notification about it.

He was quick to just up and leave, hearing the commentator's talk in the background about how that play was decisive for the future of the team in the season on the road to the Superbowl. He couldn't be arsed about the fucking game anymore, not when his jeans grew painfully constricting by the second, the longer that he stared at the picture.

He made sure to close both his bedroom door and his ensuite door, groaning in pleasure as his fingers closed around his cock. He thought about himself holding her that way, the way he would pinch her nipples, play with them, twist them around, knead her tits and mark them up until she was cuming underneath him. His thoughts only focused on how much he'd love to make her lose herself entirely just by him playing with her breasts.

His movements were fast, trying to picture her moaning—just like he always did. 'What a privilege must it be to hear those pretty sounds' that was a thought that permanently stayed in his head and that time it wasn't the exception. He'd want to explore every inch of her skin, see which spot in her neck would have her squirming around and whining for him not to stop.

He could almost hear her begging him to suck harder, to not stop.

"Fuck– Ella–" his words sounded strangled as he came.

Five minutes was the time he'd taken and the time it had taken the game to almost finish. There were only thirty seconds on the clock and it was the last quarter of the game. It was good that his team was winning by seven points or else he'd actually be disappointed to see them leave.

Matt frowned at him, "Where'd you go?"

"Had to use the toilet." The singer replied way too quickly and aggressively.

The drummer knew instantly he was lying, Nick and Jamie noticed too but they were too invested in the game to care. But Matt was nosey so he kept his gaze on his best mate as if that would give him the truth, but it didn't.

Alex ignored him completely, keeping his eyes on the television screen and not once reciprocating the stare. Matt hummed, intrigued. He was sure he'd find out what had happened eventually.

Matt's eyes went back to the end of the game and when it was over they celebrated their team's victory by four points. Alex offered to bring them all new bottles of beer and once he was gone, the drummer pulled out his phone to pass the time.

He had a few notifications piled up, the one about Ella's new picture having been posted only 7 minutes before was there below a few new texts he'd gotten from Breana. He was quick to answer to his girlfriend, not being able to connect the dots about Alex's behavior.

A few days later, when they were all at Nick's, Matt had caught Alex being weird again. Only this time he had a certain idea of what could be happening.

Kelly and Katie had been going on about the wedding planning and how they had found a lovely florist and now they needed to start looking for the bridesmaids dresses and Kelly's wedding dress. Matt had joked about how Nick would be getting a quick day to shop for his tux and then they'd put all of their focus on the stag party.

The sizzle of the wood burning on the fireplace was loud but not enough to overpower their laughter, Alex almost missed the buzzing in his pocket.

He had been talking to his girlfriend, as she was coming back to London to spend the holidays with him and his family. He was nervous but excited, mostly excited—to have her back and see if she could cure his fogged up brain which had been claimed by Ella in the past three months.

Not even their raunchy phone calls would take the multiple images of Ella he had in his head and he was starting to feel bad. He could only hope that being able to have Arielle back beside him would sweep the thoughts away.

She had been texting him her flight information, going on and on about how nervous she was to spend the holidays with Penny and David, to which he had been telling her it would be alright. His parents had always loved having his girlfriends over when it was holiday season, and they both really liked her. It would be alright.

He had expected another 'won't I be bothering you all?' or maybe a 'how many presents should I take?' when he pulled out his phone from his pocket but he'd gotten that notification, the one that was his doom and blessing at the same time.

'Ella Hayes just posted a picture'

He sighed, bringing the brightness down on his phone so no one around him could catch what he was seeing. It wasn't like they could, he was sitting in a chair in the corner of the living room, barely interacting with anyone other than the moments he'd join them all in laughter. They knew he was texting his girlfriend so they weren't asking about it, Matt had already teased the information out of him earlier.

Alex stood up and absentmindedly asked anyone if they wanted a refill, to which only Jamie and Matt asked for another bottle of beer.

He nodded before scurrying away to the hallway that would take him to the kitchen. When he was halfway through it, he opened the app and found himself at a loss of words at the sight.

He set his empty bottle on top of the kitchen island and looked up at the ceiling almost like asking someone up there for help. He rubbed his face with his left hand, knowing what was going to happen. There was not even time for him to double think it, or feel too embarrassed about it because with another look at what she had posted, he was gone down the rabbit hole she sent him to.

It was Ella's car—he could see the mirrorball with the cowboy hat hanging from the rearview mirror—and it had the door open. Ella was seated on the passenger seat, her long legs stretched so that her stiletto-clad feet were resting on the windowsill of the door.

All he could see was her legs, her long tan legs and he was gone. He couldn't not do it.

He didn't even hesitate to exit the kitchen and walk further down the hallway into the guest bathroom.

He cussed under his breath staring at the picture like it could come alive. He could see how the leather skirt she was wearing was barely covering her so the bottom of her ass was on show and pressed over the seat.

Feral. He felt like he was going feral.

He had thought about kissing up her legs, marking them up from her ankles all the way up to her inner thighs. If he thought hard enough, he could hear her panting as he got closer to her heat. He came so fast just thinking about the ways he'd edge her and how good she could sound begging him to help her like she needed to. She'd taste so sweet, he was sure and his mouth found itself dry at the thought of tasting her.

He'd had to bite his lip to not make noise, his insides hurt at the fact that he couldn't call out her name, but he'd rather not be caught. He didn't care if he had taken too long to make his friends wonder what he was doing, he could only think about how good that had felt.

He made sure to check himself so it wasn't obvious, the flush on his cheeks could be given to his drinking so he didn't think much about it.

The people in the living room finally heard the opening of the fridge and the clinking of the bottles as Alex made his way back to them.

"Took you long enough," joked Jamie as he was handed his bottle. "Cheers mate."

Matt was handed his and he couldn't help but interrogate his friend who had a pretty elated look on his face. "Where did you go?"

Alex panicked, shrugging his shoulders. "Erm... Arielle. I was talking to Arielle."

The singer's voice was trying to sound firm but he knew him like the back of his hand. So Matt just nodded, his brows still furrowed in confusion, "Arielle... Right." He knew that face, he had it himself every time after he'd call Breana late at night and she'd dirty talk him into orgasm. Alex had just gotten off. Dirty fucker, thought Matt.

A few minutes went by, when Matt's phone pinged. He unlocked it and cussed, "Jesus fucking Christ."

"What?" Nick asked with a chuckle.

Matt looked flustered and brought his beer bottle to his face for his cheeks to cool down. "Remind me to thank Ella tomorrow. Holy fuck."

Alex tensed, there was no way he was talking like that about Ella's picture surely.

His questions were answered when Kelly asked him further, "Why?"

The drummer stood up and handed her his phone, "She takes the best pictures of Bre, I swear."

Alex let go of the breath he had been holding, Fuck, that was close.

Kelly whistled lowly, "Lucky man, Helders. She's fucking fit."

Matt smiled proudly, "I know, I know."

The phone was passed around and Katie gasped, "When am I meeting Ella? I want my pictures taken like that, fucking hell."

When the phone reached Alex's hand, he nodded agreeing with everyone else. Bre was leaning back on a windowsill, her head thrown back so it wasn't captured on the frame; the room completely dark but the golden hour lighting bathing her body which was covered only by a white lingerie set. "You should go to LA with us next year, Ella takes the best pictures."

The rest of the lads agreed, and Jamie further suggested Katie joining them in LA as Alex handed Matt back his phone.

The singer's peace was interrupted when Matt, a few seconds later, coughed as he'd choked on the mouthful of beer he'd taken.

Everyone asked him if he was okay as he continued to cough, "Fucks sake." He cursed, trying to get oxygen back into his lungs. "I cannot believe it's the Ella we know that keeps posting these pictures."

Kelly had heard loads about Ella so she was intrigued to see, she asked to grab Matt's phone and he handed it to her easily. He looked at Alex, who caught his gaze but averted it quickly—Matt had clearly seen his like on the picture, a picture which had only been posted some minutes before when he was 'talking to Arielle'.

"That's hot," Kelly said quickly, making Nick laugh at her bluntness, "What? She is!" She then turned the phone to show Katie and Jamie, "Are you gonna tell me that's not hot?"

"Fuck yes, it is." Agreed Katie instantly.

Matt encouraged them to look at the rest of her pictures then, remembering she had posted some that had left him wondering if it was really the Ellie he knew. "You should look at some of her other pictures, they are insane considering how shy she used to always be."

And that's how Kelly and Katie had started scrolling through her pictures and marveling over them.

"This is Ella? The one that went to Vegas with yous and Bre?" Had asked Kelly, completely at loss for words.

She remembered how coy she had been when they talked on the phone during that trip, after the boys had found out about her and Nick's engagement.

Matt nodded with a smirk, "Yep, that's her."

Jamie quickly added, "She's gotten with this lad, and now she's just her filthy self in the open. Good for her actually, he's fit, nice lad."

"Oooo," wondered Katie, "Are there pictures of him?"

Matt cackled, "Yeah, he makes a few appearances on her page."

When they found one they gasped, "Fucking hell!" Katie grabbed Jamie's arm for him to see, he didn't have social media so she was sure he hadn't seen any of the pictures.

It was a picture of them on a bike by the beach, she was in a bikini and he was shirtless. They looked incredibly good together, like the protagonists of a movie. Jamie smiled at it, they looked so happy. He was so happy for Ella.

"They look good together, don't they?" the guitarist asked his girlfriend, who was almost drooling.

"They're both fucking fit! Are you joking?" Katie exclaimed.

Alex wanted to leave the room, he didn't want to start thinking about those two together once again. Not when he had just done that to her latest picture a few minutes before.

"Right, Al?" He only managed to hear from Matt.

He had gotten lost in the thought of Ella, again. "Sorry, what?"

"I said that they make a great couple." Matt wanted to push his buttons, just to see if he'd break.

Alex smiled, it was so forced that Katie and Kelly looked at Matt searching for answers about his distaste for them. The drummer only smirked harder and then turned back to stare at his friend, wanting to hear him say it.

"They are. Very good couple." The singer agreed, painfully.

And right then, Matt started narrating the fake proposal to Kelly and Katie. Alex rolled his eyes, letting his head hang, staring at his 'death ramps' ring as Matt's voice filled his ears.

But the moment that had fully confirmed Matt's suspicions was when they were over at Alex's a few days before New Year's Eve.

The lads were all sat in the living room, chatting about how Christmas had been. Everyone was really interrogating Alex about how it had gone for Arielle to spend Christmas over with him and his parents. The conversation had turned after about ten minutes, Jamie and Nick chatting loudly as Matt and Alex were caught up by their phones.

Alex was just distracted, his girlfriend was texting him from time to time as she'd gone out for the day with her friends. Matt was talking to Ella and Breana though, in the groupchat the three of them had.

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:22) I have some scans that I just found and I've decided this will be my Christmas gift for you Matt.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:24) You know where to send them, Ellie xx

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:25) Please tell me you're not in public, i don't want to get blamed for your indecency.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:25) I'm at Alex's. send them over x

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:26) He's gonna wank in his guest bathroom, how much do you wanna bet, Ellie?

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:26) Not even gonna bet, he will do it. I'm 100% sure.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:27) Am I really gonna be kept waiting? You've already talked Miss Hayes, email them.

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:28) Someone's eager...

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:28) Babe I miss you and Ella takes the best pictures of you, of course I am xxxx

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:29) Miss you more, honey. You're gonna love these, everything is red ;) xxxx

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:31) Aw cute. Don't start sexting here please, I will like to not be traumatized x

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:32) Shut up, you're dirtier than me and Bre combined x

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:34) And proud of it! (Just sent them, enjoy idiot xx)

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:34) Matt, don't leave yet, I'm trying to convince Ella to post at least one of the ones I took of her that day.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:35) What are the options?

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:35) Just sent them to you.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:37) Ellie, these are fucking amazing. At least post them to brag about Bre's photography skills. You're teaching her well xx

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:37) See!!!! That one where she's doing the strap of her heel is my favorite.

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:38) But it's just been Christmas, maybe I should post something more festive?

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:38) Babe if you don't post it, I will go into your account and do it for you.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:39) It'll be a christmas gift for people's wank banks. I'm sure julian will greatly appreciate it xx

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:39) Wank banks?! Stop it.

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:39) Yeah your boyfriend's for a start. And I'm sure there's a long list after him.

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:40) Honey, I said convince her not keep her from it.

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:42) Matt you're such an idiot, but okay I will post it only for you Bre. Any excuse to brag about my girl xxxxxx

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:42) Yay! love youuuu xxxxxxx

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:43) And for Julian???? Also stop trying to steal MY girlfriend.

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:43) Hahaha sure for Julian too. And I will never xx

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:45) Okay Matt, you can go enjoy those pictures now xxxxx

Matt - (28/12/2012 09:45) Thanks hot stuff, talk to you later? xxxx

Bre - (28/12/2012 09:45) Definitely ;) xxx

Ellie - (28/12/2012 09:46) Disgusting, bye. Enjoy your wank.

Matt chuckled, he wanted to do nothing more than to leave and enjoy the scans Ella had sent him but he wanted to confirm his suspicions first.

He had joined Jamie and Nick's chat to appear distracted but he truly had all of his attention on Alex.

Five minutes later when both of their phones vibrated to the notification, Matt had to force himself to act as if he hadn't noticed.

Alex had frozen in his seat, his finger clicking on it and he sat up straighter when he opened the picture. He felt like Ella was purposely torturing him. A groan was stuck in his throat when the picture loaded.

Ella was leaning on the wall, wearing a red sheer robe. She was slightly bent down with her leg lifted upwards so she could do the strap of the heels she was wearing. Her hair was covering up her face, so her body was the main focus of the frame. The robe fell open on her legs so her 'Divine Feminine' tattoo was on full show and over it there was a garter band holding a dagger to her thigh.

'Femme fatale, taken by my favorite girl @breanamcdow xxxx'

He was trying to play it cool, Matt would give him that. But he only held up for two minutes before he excused himself saying, "Erm, I'm gonna go phone Arielle." He pointed behind him in the direction of his room as he stood up, he looked absolutely flustered.

The drummer wanted to laugh, and his other two friends noticed. They asked him what was happening, and he just dismissed them saying it was nothing. Internally he was laughing his ass off, Alex was still so fucked up over Ella—he found it comical.

He couldn't even let it go for the time being until Arielle would come back, because she was staying over at her friend's.

He was cursing as he moved around, locking both doors he'd gone through. It was like a routine by then, but it didn't feel like it. Lately, cumming to Ella's pictures felt more rewarding than fucking his girlfriend and it was killing him inside.

The fact that he couldn't even find pleasure in someone else, someone he should be, haunted him.

It was hard to recall ever being this bent out of shape by someone. He had never been this bewitched by a person he hadn't even gotten to properly kiss. He had loved before but whatever he was feeling now burnt.

He was branded by the thought of her.

When he'd come back, fifteen minutes later, Matt was elated. He knew it, he fucking knew it. The look on Alex's face was almost screaming it out loud for everyone to know.

Matt was intrigued, the question of how many times had he done that popping into the forefront of his brain. And if he wanted to know the answer, it was too many times. So many that Alex had lost count, so many that when he fucked his girlfriend saying her name felt utterly wrong—as if every bit of him belonged to Ella instead of Arielle.

He was frustrated to say the least. In not finding any comfort in the person he was supposed to, and he used to find it in Arielle but that was before he had seen Ella again.

She had come back into his life with a curse. He was sure she unknowingly had put him under a spell.

As the days passed, he had forced himself to try. To try really hard.

Try being the key word.

After New Year's day, when he'd woken up to a text from Ella wishing him a lovely new year and telling him she couldn't wait to have them all back, he had almost folded. Almost. And he was relieved by the fact that he could feel he could hold back a little bit longer, if he focused enough on not being affected by her.

But then as the first week of the year came to an end, and they only had a week left to go back to LA, Ella posted something that completely unleashed him.

She had gotten a new tattoo, a hand tattoo. 'Pure Desire' it read in big cursive letters in the middle of the top of her right hand.

The picture was what had made him let out a rough groan from the deepest pit of his chest.

She had her freshly tattooed hand around Julian's neck, her fingers tight around his throat and the tattoo on perfect focus in the middle of the frame.

'What a pretty little necklace'

Alex absolutely lost himself that night.

When Arielle came back, only twenty minutes later, he kissed her passionately. Arielle had moaned into his mouth filled with joy at the pleasant surprise. She'd dropped her bags on the floor and worked quickly on the buttons of his shirt, leaving his chest on show for her when the fabric dropped next to her purse.

They had moved fast to the bedroom, Alex kissing and bruising every bit of her neck and chest after they got on the bed. Arielle brought his face back up to kiss him fiercely before they could go on further, his hands worked on freeing her from her clothes trying his hardest to not interrupt the kiss, which was barely a proper one as their teeth clashed and their mouths hung open to let out their shaky breaths caused by the friction of their hips rocking against each others'.

Alex worked on automatic pilot, quickly undressing himself and putting a condom on. He grabbed his dick and teased her entrance, Arielle clung to his shoulders with her nails digging on his back while she moaned into his ear. He cursed, as he wasn't able to hold back any longer.

He filled her up completely in one swift motion, Arielle's head thrown back in pleasure as he bottomed out. He used to love seeing her falling apart under him from the very first moment he slid inside of her but now the view wasn't doing much for him. His brain kept asking for one person, one who was an ocean away.

He felt so disappointed that he gave into his thoughts so easily, letting his brain become clouded by the fantasy of it being Ella in his bed. He swore he opened his eyes back up and it was her. Ella, under him, cupping his jaw and begging him to go faster.

And who was he to deny her of anything?

Alex picked up the pace, grabbing one of Ella's thighs to lift her leg over his shoulder, and he felt himself grow harder inside her when a loud whine came out of her mouth.

She sounded so sweet, just like she always had. He left a trail of open mouth kisses from her chin down to the valley of her breasts, he used his tongue to tease her nipples. Sucking bruises around them, softly biting them to make her moan louder.

Ella lifted her hand to his mouth and made him suck her fingers, his saliva slowly dripping down her digits which were then quickly pressed to her clit. She started rubbing it in soft motions but when he brought his own hand up to make her rub harder on it, she started feeling herself nearing over the edge of her orgasm.

He felt her clenching harder as his pace sped up and to the sound of their skin slapping, their curses, their moans, joined the thud of the headboard hitting the wall. He groaned into her ear as he felt himself being milked by the tightness of her walls.

It only took his "Cum for me, darling." for Ella to give into the heavy pleasure and come undone. Her fingers tangled in his hair as her back arched and she trembled under him in a powerful orgasm, he felt himself spilling into the condom—his thrusts faltered and lost rhythm as he came.

He cursed into her ear, "Fucking hell," groaning as he rode out their orgasms. He sighed completely overcome in pleasure, "Ell–," he started but as he opened his eyes and saw Arielle looking completely blissed out under him, he felt himself wanting to be sick. "Arielle," he was quick to change and she giggled.

She fucking giggled under him, way too distracted by the euphoria of her orgasm to even catch his mortified expression.

Arielle opened her eyes, holding his face and pressing multiple kisses to his lips. "I love you," she said, and he felt his heart dropping. He only hummed and stood up.

He didn't feel anything at all when he pulled out of her. Not when he went to the bathroom and discarded the condom. He looked at himself in the mirror and wanted to scream. He could not do this to Arielle any longer, she deserved better than whatever the fuck the situation had turned into.

He grabbed a cloth to clean her up, at least he would be nice to her before letting her go. There was no way he could continue the relationship if he knew his heart was set on someone else. He just couldn't.

He let her cuddle into him, as if he wasn't dying inside from disappointment in himself. She was on cloud nine, that had been the best sex they'd had in a while. She'd thought, what a wonderful way to start the new year.

If she had only known.

The next morning he had felt compelled to make some breakfast, he wanted to let her down easy—as if it had been a one night stand and not a relationship that had gone on for seven months.

She was eating the omelet he'd made, sipping on her coffee happily when he'd turned back from the stove, and he'd looked at her with a frown. It was the second time he'd actually looked at her that whole morning.

"Arielle, I, erm–," he started, not even having the correct words to say what he wanted to say, "I don't think this is working anymore."

She had snorted, waiting for the punchline of his joke but when she was met with absolute silence, her eyes jumped back on him. "What?"

"I, erm, I don't think we should be together anymore."

A loud scoff came from her, what the fuck? "I don't get it..."

He frowned even harder, was there another way to interpret what he had just said? There was no way he couldn't have been clearer.

"I don't think we should keep this relationship going." Alex repeated and he felt so heartless, he could see the more he repeated it, the more her heart was taking a hit.

"Stop," Arielle pleaded. "I fucking get what you said, but why?" She sounded so desperate to find sense in what was happening. It all felt like a fever dream.

He had no clue what to say, "It's me." He plainly added, not wanting to use the cringe phrase that worked oh so perfectly well for the situation.

Arielle let out a humorless laugh, "What the fuck was last night then? Did you know you were doing this? You wanted to get one last fuck out of me?" Her words were poisonous, trying to cause him at least half of the hurt he was causing her.

But despite her pushing to get something out of him, the singer could only let his face fall. "No, I didn't. I–" He felt bad for her, it truly was entirely his fault but if he admitted what was truly happening, he knew Arielle could blame Ella and he couldn't have that happen. Not when Ella hadn't done anything wrong. "I'm so sorry, Arielle. I really am."

She groaned frustrated, the fork dropping on the middle of the plate made him wince, just as the screeching of the chair she was sitting on did.

She'd rushed to get dressed, pack all of her shit up and leave his place. She tried her hardest to do it all quickly but to not forget a thing, she didn't want to see him for a while.

When she was done, about an hour later, Alex was nowhere to be seen.

"Coward." The model muttered as she walked through the door.

When Arielle got outside, leaving the building in which he lived that she planned to never see again, she waited for a taxi she'd called. What she hadn't noticed was Alex walking back to his place, a couple blocks away, seeing her there standing under the gloomy sky.

He felt like such a shitty person, even more so when she dropped her case in the boot of the cab and got into the backseat with a haste. He saw her wiping her cheeks before closing the door. The car drove by and he didn't even look at it, he just walked back home with his gaze on the pavement and a cigarette in between his lips.

When Alex made it through his front door again, it felt like something in the air had changed. He felt free for a change, like his heart could leap in his chest without a trace of guilt.

But later that day, when Breana posted a picture of Julian and Ella to her own page, he felt the sharpness of a needle poke his chest. Seeing them happily dancing under the streetlights had his heart twisting with hurt.

The heartache he got from seeing her happy with somebody else was only stronger now that he was alone.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

A/N: Oh Alex... He's such an idiot. I hope you enjoyed, I'm really excited to share all that's coming next! Cannot believe we're already in Part 6 though, time goes by too fast. Thank you so much for reading everyone, I still pinch myself when I see people interacting with my stories and you all saying you enjoy them means the absolute world to me. See you soon for the next one xx

Taglist:  @imagine-that-100​ @red---moon​ @kennedy-brooke​ @faveficz​ @indierockgirrl​ @ladydraculasthings @moonvr​ @unwantedlovergirl​ @eaglestar31 @nikisfwn​ @funniestpersoninnyc​ @andrearroe​ 

[woodblxssomcrowned]

Hear me out as I ramble. Please leave room for a year or two off here and there. Numbers hard and I'm working with what i got.

Like I know people frequently point to Hashirama's godly genes and regenerative abilities to justify him being older but still looking you but like...we did see him as a kid? With Madara, who didn't look much older or younger than him. And he had brothers who did not look more than a handful of years younger than him either.

Considering that the life expectancy was around 30 during the WS era, to me it doesn't seem outlandish at all that he could have married and become a father when he was still in his late teens, like 18 or 19, years before the founding of the village. Uchiha Kagami. According to the databooks he was 25 at the time of his death. If we assume he was the same age as Danzou, this would mean he's 18 years older than Tsunade. It would also mean he died seven years after Tsunade's birth.

In that time he would have had at least one kid (future parent of Shisui), Hashirama would have died, the 1st SWW would start and Tobirama would die along with some other shit.

With this in mind, I can only assume assume the parent of Tsunade, we'll call them Child A (on this blog that child is Danma), was at least 18 when she was born, making them likely the same age or older than Hiruzen and his crew.

Now we can go back further!

To Uchiha Izuna!

He died at the age of 25 too. Now, we don't know how much older than Izuna Madara is but I personally pin both Izuna and Tobirama as being no more than two or three years younger than Madara and Hashirama.

For this rant we'll say that they are two years younger, and all four of them are parallels i.e. Madara and Hashirama are the same age, and Izuna and Tobirama is the same age.

This would make Hashirama and Madara 27 when Izuna died.

So if Hashirama had  Child A when he was 19, said child would be 8 years old when Izuna died. And ten years later Tsunade would be born, and Hashirama would have been 37 at the time.

We also know that he did live to interact and leave memories and impressios on Tsunade, and in his memory of her she looks maybe 4 or 5 at most.

Let's say he dies when Tsunade is 5. Meaning he was 42 when he died.

Now, remember Kagami?

He was most likely 18 years older than Tsunade, and died at 25. If Hashirama died when Tsunade was five, Kagami would have been 23. We also know that Kagami died after Tobirama.

So in the two years between Kagami being 23 and 25, so much shit would have gone down. It would also mean he probably died not very long after Tobirama.

Speaking of Tobirama. He was two years younger than Hashirama, so was 40 when his older brother died at 42.

Since he died before Kagami, he would have died at about the age of 42 as well.

Another mention!

We don't know how long the period of time is between Izuna's death and Madara's 'death' and the creation of TVATE.

But concidering the time for the village to be established, Madara falling out of favor with his clan, his interactions with young Ounoki, a few years is at least safe to assume.

However.

Although this only applies to the anime, if we look at SP reference sheets that features the young Hiruzen crew, their heights would suggest they are somewhere around 11 years old around the time of Madara deflecting. It does fit fine. If they were about 8 when the village was founded, and the TVATE battle happened when they were 11, that would leave 3 years.

It's not ot much, if you consider how rome wasn't built in a day (I overall like to think it was at least five years, if not more. Like, come on.), but its something, and for the sake of this post we'll say it was three.

We can also make note that Kakuzu died at 91 in the earlier half of shippuden, making him 19 years older than Hiruzen and his crew.

So he was most likely just about the same age as Hashirama and Madara.

Thanks to these numbers we can try to decipher how long Madara sat in his cave!

If Madara was the same age as Hashirama and Kakuzu, and we guesstemate that he spent  three years in the village before battling and being 'killed' by Hashirama, he would have been 30 at the time of his 'death'.

That gives us roughly 61 years between the TVATE battle and Kakuzu's death. (which also solidifies Hiruzen and Co being about 11 at the time as Danzou, Homura and Utatane are 72-73 years old in Shippuden)

We also know that Obito was 31 at the time of his death by the end of shippuden, so was likely about 29-30 by the beginning.

I am not entirely sure how much time spent between the boulder incident and Madara pulling the plug on himself.

However.

Kakashi was 29 at the beginning of shippuden, 62 years younger than Kakuzu.

Kakashi is 13 years older than Naruto, meaning he was 13 when Obito released the Kyubi and Kushina and Minato died at the day of Naruto's birth.

According to the databooks, Obito became chunin at 11 years old.

So likely somewhere between 12 and 13 everything from boulder to Madara's death would have happened.

Let's say Obito was 13 when Madara died.

That makes Madara 75 years old at the time of his death if we still assume he was just about the same age as Kakuzu, after having spent 45 years in his cave.

There's an infuriating detail tho. And his name is Ounoki, the third tsuchikage.

He was 79 when he appeared in shippuden making him about 13 years younger than Madara.

This would mean that when the WS era ended following Izuna's death, Ounoki would have been 14 years old, and 17 years old when TVATE battle happened.

Onoki offers us two flashbacks of his younger years:

- Him looking after an artefact, and having a philosophical conversation with his grandfather Ishikawa about the strength of will within the shinobi of Iwagakure. Ishikawa is very clearly Tsuchikage at this time as he is wearing the iconic kage getup. Ounoki looks roughly 12 or so years old.

The first tuchikage also looks older here than he does when he appears in the 1st kage summit..

- Him with Mu, the future second Tsuchikage, facing Madara. They wear their respective village's headbands, and Madara speaks in a way that heavily implies he's still working in favor of Konoha, even if it seems his relationship with Hashirama is turning quite sour at that time.

Ounoki looks young, but I would not say younger than 17 or 18.

This would mean this occured before Hashirama became hokage and possibly even before the kage system was created alltogether?

The 1st kage summit isn't implied to have taken place until after Madara leaving.

These events does not match up at all.

I think the event with Madara fits best into the most plausible timeline, but barely. The first I can't find any plausible way to fit. I can only assume that his old-man brain isn't what it used to be and he's remembering things weirdly. It's the only explanation.

Other notes:

Ginkaku and Kinkaku attempted to capture Kurama after Kumogakure was founded, but before Madara set it lose on Konoha and Mito ended up sealing it away. They do look like adults in that flashback, and we know they died at the age of 44. With that info I'd guess they may also have also been roughly the same age as Hashirama and Madara. This would mean they'd be near 30 when they became psuedo-jinchurki by munching Kurama-guts for two weeks, and would have died around the same time as Tobirama, meaning sometime shortly before, during or after the 1st SWW. Prior to the 1st SWW they would have also attempted a coup and very nearly killed both the Nidaime Raikage and Nidaime Hokage.

There's no clues as to how old Mito was when she died, but even though Kishimoto probably wants us to admire her for living so hecken long and for it to be a testament to the Uzumaki longevity, I really don't think she was that old when she died. Kushina died at the age of 24, and judging by her appearance I'd guss she was about 12 or so when she took over as jinchuriki. Kakashi and Obito would have been 1 year olds at this time. Remember earlier when we mentioned how Obito was 13 when Kushina and Minato died, and Madara had likely kicked it some time within the earlier year, at the age of 75. So, if we assume Mito was roughly the same age as Hashirama, then she would have been 63 years old when she died. Sure, for someone born in the WS era it's thirty years beyond the general life-expectancy, but overall it's not very impressive considering that Ounoki, Hiruzuen and his crew lived to their 70's and beyond and remained very capable shinobi (Kakuzu doesn't count because without his kinjutsu he'd probably be long since dead, even Madara only made it so long thanks to his Hashirama-life support). I am going to HC that maybe being jinchuriki took its toll on her, making age catch up to her faster than one would have expected. Either that she was notably older than Hashirama.

We don't know that Hikaku died at the age of 25, although that is the only age we have to associate to him, but hell, we don't even know if he did live during the founders era. We only know for sure that he did live during the warring states era, even if the fandom (me included) generally put him in with the other founders. His databook entry says: "M 25 An Uchiha clan shinobi. Despite his youth he is the most talented in his clan and is very adept at being a leader. " And he's never presented in any proximity to any known founders characters , so it's never really mentioned in any sure capacity that he did live during the founders era, so finding a place for him in the timeline is hard.

Touka we don't know if she died at the age of 27, or if she was just 27 when she's very briefly shown. But she is shown looking fairly young next to Hashirama, and even her databook entry states that she did work closely with and was trusted by Hashirama, so she without a doubt did live at least during the end of the WS era, and though we only have a figure that appears to be her from behind to go off, she likely did live to see the end of it.

[unmellowyellowfellow]

Chalk Mountain

+ a WiP introduction

(status: third draft)

genre(s): fantasy, action, au

tone(s): regional gothic, found family, prophesies, platonic love, lgbt+ protag, "magic" abilities

warning(s): blood, harsh family relations, death, cursing -- (will be editing to add more as i come across them)

tag: #wip: chalk mountain

"stay away from the bluebonnets," dixie's mother always said. "they know your secrets and will trick you with good smelling petals and a comfortable place to rest after a picnic; but eventually you will never get up, eventually you will be blue, floral, swaying in the hot wind, watching as people pass by until another sleepy bystander succumbs to take their last nap as the person they were. before they take them. before they take you."

(will be adding links to characters and more characters and some other stuff when they are ready; this will be reblogged when updated with anything. authors notes at the end!)

characters and descriptions! (to be edited)

Dixie Alvarez is the protagonist of this story. A heroine against her will, Dixie has a smart mouth and a bad habit of holding grudges; she never fit in anywhere and always managed to piss somebody off no matter where she was. A difficult relationship with her father and her mothers abandonment drives her to flee her home in search of a new, quiet, and peaceful life with people like her. Outcasts. So, she set off in her trashy green minivan to a town her mother used to tell her about in stories. Chalk Mountain. Curly, mid-length red hair, downturned brown eyes, freckles, (mostly) untamed eyebrows, 5'7". Evolved (unknown)

Emilio Baku is the side character, Dixie's best friend, and partner in crime. Ripped away from his home in Korea, Emilio developed a big heart that was always open to others after his adoptive parents took him in like it was nothing; he has now been in Chalk Mountain since he was 5 years old. Lovable teddy bear meets ruthless suppressed anger makes a man willing to do anything to protect what he loves. Short black hair that's always a little messy, deep dark brown eyes, faded burn scars cover his hands. 6'2". Evolved

Franklin and Maude are Emilio's adoptive parents and Dixie's guardians. Maude has been in Chalk Mountain since she was born. Her mother was a jailer before the town went bankrupt after a false meteorite claim that drained their tourism. Franklin came later, after he was found out as an Evolved and began to be hunted down. He took refuge in Chalk mountain 27 years ago and soon after met Maude. Maude: long, straight, gray hair, white eyes, smile lines, eye wrinkles, 7'6". Franklin: long gray hair, tall and slender figure, milky white eyes. 7'6". Both Evolved.

extra characters + descriptions (to be expanded)

The Oracle -> eons old but presents as around 30s/40s. vitiligo, blind with white irises, waist length wavy hair as black as the night sky, various markings and tattoos and scars. can only speak in prophet but can communicate in your dreams.

Marigold Alvarez -> Dixie's mother, very, very, VERY powerful woman. A force to be reckoned with, legends about her, and large popularity around Chalk Mountain. Marigold has been missing for over 11 years now, but Dixie hasn't seen her since before she herself was 12 years old. Short red bob, green eyes, freckles, permanent smirk on her face with smile lines. 5'9". Last known location: Chalk Mountain.

Walter Alvarez -> Dixie's father, loud, overbearing. One night after a screaming fight that Dixie overheard, her mother left in a tizzy. She watched her mom speed off in the car from her bedroom window, never to be seen or heard of again. Walter makes a point to never speak of Marigold and has tried painting her to be the villain ever since. Salt and pepper, short, gelled, curly hair, 5'8". Husky figure, brown eyes, grungy teeth.

authors note >

so excited to finally get this ball rolling and start sharing it with you as i figure my way through this story. i will eventually be sharing drafts as i get them written and will do snippets, short stories, moodboards, etc. based on this wip! i will announce when tag list is open (not enough content for me to want to make one yet) but for now enjoy this little info dump on my world i'm building:) also this story will be written with "proper" capital letters, i just enjoy making content lowercase! open to asks and tag games about this wip!!

this will be giving very much "mutants from x-men", very "don't trust anything beautiful". also there's dragons.

[fantasy-relax]

Brain worms still there, watching menacingly.

Ages:

Death of the king

Miranda 28

Eva 2

Alcina 15

Salvatore 14

Karl 8

Donna 8 (two months younger than Karl, who enjoys remarking often)

Angie birth

Miranda 32

Eva 6

Alcina 19

Salvatore 18

Karl 12

Donna 12

War start

Miranda 33

Eva 7

Alcina 20

Salvatore 19

Karl 13

Donna 13

Angie 1

Miranda knew that war was going to happen soon, so she was playing chess with her subjects and the rebels in the enemy kingdom, making sure that when push come to shove the war would be ended definitely and fast. The ceasefire was temporary and fragile, but she not wanted to be the one to broke it because se wanted to create a good reputation for the kingdom ( good ally, strong and stable) and it worked.

Ouside after the war and the plague, she is considered strict but benevolent, a ruler that is close to the gods but knows the pain of the mortals (for better or worse the death of Eva played a big role in that) and is cruel but efficient dealing with the threats at the kingdom, did hanging the decapitated head of the enemy king his linage was a bit excessive? Yes but was reasonable (again she made sure to move the strings needed make everything go her way).

This knowledge is the reason why she not pick fights with Karl, because she knew it and still did nothing, so she accepts his hatred as punishment.

Plague

It happen barely a month later that the alliance was formed.

Miranda 34

Eva 8

Alcina 21

Salvatore 20

Karl 14

Donna 14

Angie 2

Aftermath

Miranda 35

Alcina 22

Salvatore 21

Karl 15

Donna 15

Angie 3

Bela, Cass and Daniela 6

The difference between Karl and Donna situations as head of the their houses are the next:

The servants of the Heisenberg house respect/like Karl meanwhile most of the Beneviento not respect/like Donna.

Karl was raised to be proud of himself and to stand up for his decision and the consequences of them; Donna was raised to be a shadow helper never in the spotlight and whatever decisions she made were to be dealt together with Claudia.

Donna as the older surviving member of the Beneviento family had the responsibility of taking care of the youngest member (food, education, health, etc) everything that concerns with the raising of children. She was very involved with Angie BUT all the responsibilities were in the hands of her mother and sister.

The matrimony between Alcina/Mia a Karl/Ethan happened after three years.

Miranda 37

Alcina 25

Mia 22

Bela, Cass and Daniela 9

Salvatore 24

Karl 18

Ethan 19

Donna 18

Angie 6

Rose birth

Miranda 39

Alcina 27

Mia 25

Bela, Cass and Daniela 11

Salvatore 26

Karl 20

Ethan 21

Donna 20

Angie 8

Now the ships in this au are:

Alcina/Mia

Karl/Ethan

Salvatore/Urias

Miranda, Donna and the girls are free game I guess. But again if I'm cooking I'm gonna use the meat that I want to so there will be a Reader/OC situation.

[tamurilofrivendell]

Beauty and the Beast | Chapter 28

Previous Chapters [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27]

Read on AO3 [x]

Pairing: Thranduil/Fem. Reader Summary: A Beauty and the Beast inspired tale with Thranduil the Elvenking and a human reader from a nearby village Taglist: @captainchrisstan​​​​ @rebleforkicks​​​​ @yjrevolution​​​​ @majahu​​​​ @honey-wine @accio-boys​​​​ @achromaticerebus​​​​ @solomonssimp​​​​ @tired-ass-show-girl​​​​ @dreamlessnight​​​​ @daddy-long-legolas​​​​ @sleepyamygdala​​​​ @coopsgirl​​​​ @penguinlovestowrite​​​​ @midsommar-nights​​ @whore-of-many-hot-men​​

Thranduil led you through the winding halls and back towards the West Wing. You no longer felt any apprehension at seeing that crimson curtain at the bottom of the stairs. You easily stepped past as he moved it aside and followed him up into the queen’s chambers. There was a sort of reverence within you as you walked with Thranduil past that portrait of the queen and down the corridor. She was gone but she was everywhere and your heart hurt for Thranduil and Legolas, for their loss of such an important figure in their lives.

“I really don’t understand.” You said as you followed him through to a room you hadn’t seen before. He didn’t stop, striding towards the back of the room where a curtain fell down. Pulling it back, he revealed a hidden doorway. Surprised, you stepped through after him and looked around.

Thranduil had led you into a room that looked as though it had been cut into pure stone. So used to a different sort of look within the rooms of these halls, you stopped for a moment and just took it in. The room had a slightly ethereal light to it and, as your attention came back to Thranduil, you noticed the small pool of water that he was now standing beside. He was watching you but his eyes looked a little sad. He didn’t say so but he hadn’t set foot in here for many years... more years than you would have been able to imagine if he had given you a number.

“What is this?” You asked, stepping over to him, glancing from the water to his face.

Thranduil cast his gaze over the pool, watching the flowers floating on the glass-like water. “This.” He sighed softly. “Is my wife’s mirror. If you wish, you have only to touch the water and it will show you your father.”

You blinked in amazement. “It will?” You took a hesitant little step towards the pool, tilting your gaze down to the water. It was still and clear and had a beauty about it you wouldn’t have expected from water, of all things.

“Perhaps it can help to settle your heart for this night.” He watched you with a soft frown, wishing there was a little more he could do here and now to help with how much you very clearly longed to see your father. Thranduil had missed your pining somehow, almost forgetting about your father entire existence, his attention having been more focused on the effect you had been having on him... on his heart.

“I can arrange, tomorrow, for you to send him a letter.” He continued after a beat, making you look up at him with slightly wide eyes. “If you would like.” Thranduil cleared his throat. “My messenger could wait for him to pen his own response, even..."

You blinked at him, a little astounded by his words, unable to prevent the corners of your lips pulling up into a smile even if you’d wanted to. “Really?” You were already turning away from the mirror and stepping towards him before he could respond. He nodded, about to give you an answer but found himself completely taken off guard a moment later as you threw your arms around him. “Oh, thank you!”

Thranduil didn’t say anything but he returned the gesture with a soft smile, his arms slowly moving around you. His eyes closed briefly as he focused on the feeling of you in his arms. Reluctantly, he slowly pulled back, looking down at you. “Would you like to look into the mirror?” He asked.

You looked over at the pool again, thoughtful for a long moment, before you nodded. “Yes.”

Thranduil turned his gaze back towards the water, moving to sit down upon the stone next to the pool. “All you need to do is place your palm out upon the water.” He explained. “Tell the mirror what it is you wish to see... and it shall show you.” Thranduil glanced at you as you moved to join him, sitting down next to him on the stone border of the water. “It will show your father to you as he is right at this very moment.”

You fixed your stare upon the mirror, gazing into the water as you slowly moved your hand out over the surface. It was crystal clear and yet you could see no bottom. You realised that the ethereal look of the room appeared to be emanating from the pool itself, making it obvious this was no regular water.

Lowering your hand further down until it touched the cool water, you felt a little nervous though you weren’t entirely sure why. It felt like you were continually being introduced to things that were so far beyond your understanding and comprehension and you were not sure you would ever get used to such... magic.

“Show... me my father.” You said as your fingers disturbed the surface, feeling a little silly, as if you were talking to yourself but you didn’t have too much time to dwell upon any embarrassment as the water began to change before your eyes. A flickering began, so slight at first that you were unsure whether your eyesight was simply failing you. It continued on, an image gradually coming into view.

What you saw was not even remotely close to what you had expected. You had assumed your father would be unhappy with you taking his place here, sad that you were not with him, and feeling guilty with the belief that you were in danger here, a poor prisoner of a cruel elvish king. What you did not expect was to see him huddled in the corner of a dirty locked room, his cough clearly returning with a vengeance. He looked almost as bad as he had when you had gotten him released from Thranduil’s halls!

With a gasp, you jerked your hand away from the water, rising very suddenly to your feet. You stumbled and lost your balance as you stepped back, your foot missing the little step down from the ledge. Thranduil was up in an instant, taking hold of your waist to steady you. He was frowning down at you as he lifted a hand to your face, gently cupping your cheek to calm your frantic gaze and make you look at him.

“Look at me.” The command was gentle. “What did you see?” He asked softly, his thumb absentmindedly caressing your cheek.

“He--he’s in trouble..” You breathed out, shaking your head. “They... they’ve locked him up! Why... why would they do that?! I--I... I don’t... Thranduil, what am I--”

“Shh... listen... listen to me...” Thranduil stared down at you in mild panic. He had seen you angry. He had seen you sad. He had seen you confused. He had seen you scared. However, he had not yet seen you in such a state of distress as this and the sight was making him feel quite helpless. Your eyes were wide and there were tears shining in them that tugged at his heart.

Before he could even fully comprehend what he was doing, Thranduil found himself leaning closer.

Whatever thoughts that had been swirling and tangling around in your mind instantly ceased as, seemingly out of nowhere, Thranduil’s mouth had descended upon yours.

The kiss, unexpected as it was, was sweet and tender. His thumb continued to softly skim across your cheek as you subconsciously tilted your head up a little, practically melting into him.

Thranduil found himself smiling just slightly into the kiss, amused at how quickly you seemed to have forgotten your worry with one touch of his lips.

Pulling away, he looked back at you again, studying your face as your eyes fluttered open and focused back on him. He was pleased to see that some of your earlier panic had been swept away. However, as much as he would like to delve into what had just occurred here between the two of you, Thranduil decided that the most pressing matter at hand was your father. He knew that you would not be able to focus on anything else and he did not wish to leave you in despair over somebody you loved. Not when something could be done about it.

You were far too stunned to really say anything for a few long moments, thoughts jumping from concern over your father and his bizarre imprisonment and the dizzying high from Thranduil’s surprise kiss.

“What am I meant to do?” You managed after a minute, voice just above a whisper.

Thranduil stood staring back at you with conflicting emotions flickering across his expression. Confusion, longing, and unease were all vying for attention. "Come.” He eventually said, softly, reaching down to take your hand in his and quickly leading you from the chamber. He glanced back once over his shoulder before he stepped out - he did not plan to come in here again.

Thranduil led you through the West Wing and back down the stairs. “I will take you to him.” He said, letting go of your hand as he strode on ahead. “And then... I set you free, you may go where you wish.”

You stopped moving altogether then, staring at him. “What did you say?” Your question went unanswered as Thranduil kept moving, not looking back. Part of him felt that if he did, his heart may break because despite what had just happened and despite the events that had already led you both here, he still could not be certain whether you would return with him or not, and he did not want to see the answer in your eyes. He wasn’t ready.

“Feren!” Thranduil boomed, catching sight of the guard as he was rushing through the halls in their direction. “Ready Mahtar, I shall be depart--”

“My King, there is no time!” Feren cut him off, completely ignoring the brief flash of irritation that flashed across Thranduil’s face. “The humans!” He continued, not giving Thranduil any time to admonish him. “They are coming!”

“What are you talking about?” Thranduil frowned, irritation forgotten as he glanced from Feren towards the direction of the entrance to the kingdom where he had come from, and back again.

Feren shook his head, looking past his king, his gaze fixing upon you standing like a shadow behind him. Thranduil’s frown deepened as he followed Feren’s gaze to you, the words that came next forming a hard knot in his stomach. “They are coming for the girl.”

[jpitha]

Just a Little Further 33

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32

It took about an hour for the parking field to bring us to a working umbilical on the Wilds.

I spend the entire time worrying. It couldn't be Janais, could it? She disappeared almost one hundred years ago. The Nanites made me Empress, that means they thought the previous Empress was gone and not coming back. What happens when there are two Empresses?

We do not know. We have no memory of this happening before. In times of more... normal succession, the title is conferred upon the death of the previous Empress to her daughter. If no daughter is available, the current and the next Empress go to a Gate and commence an Upload and Download together.

But even if she was stranded over here for... some reason, she wouldn't be alive anymore, would she?

Thanks to us, Empresses live quite a long time. It is possible.

But what's going to happen when we meet, if she is still an Empress?

We do not know. If we were to guess, her Nanites and us would confer and determine legitimacy.

You would?

Our operation grants Builder abilities.

...Are you lying about not actually being sapient?

Empress, we are merely very clever. Sometimes, it's hard to tell the difference.

Ava is staring at me. "Melody, are you all right?"

Oops, she was watching me this whole time. "Uh sorry Ava, I was having a conversation with my Nanites. They have never heard of this happening before. If Janais really is alive on the Wilds we don't know what will happen when we meet."

Starlight narrows their eyes and stares at me as well. "What do you mean, 'when we meet'?"

"There aren't supposed to be two Empresses. What happens if were to try and use my Voice to give her a command? What if she tried to do it to me?"

Raaden chuckled. "Sounds like we're going to find out."

I shrugged. What else could we do? "Well, we're going to meet them and find out. Let's all get dressed up nice, we should try and give a good first impression. Raaden, will you put on a uniform, or do I have to order it?"

"I'll get dressed Empress, Frankly, I have to see what happens when you meet this... other Empress. No matter how it falls out, I have a feeling it will be interesting." She stands up and walks out of the Command Deck without so much as a backwards glance.

"Omar, once we've docked, disconnect and come along too. We might as well all go. I'll ask Sep's security forces to hang back and guard the door, but... we came over to see what's going on, and I for one want to see it through."

"Of course, Melody. It's not like we could break away from this field and leave like FarReach did anyway. We don't have anything with close to the power of a Starjumpers stardrive."

A short time later we all met by the exit. The umbilical was connected and the pressures equalized. All that was left was to open the door. We took a few extra minutes to let Omar disconnect and put on a fresh uniform.

I was in a muted version of my Empress uniform, not the gown, just a uniform. I looked mostly like a more elaborate Builder. "Everyone ready?"

Omar and Ava looked worried but were trying to hide it, Starlight looked worried but wasn't trying to hide it, and Raaden looked incredibly amused, nearly smug. I wonder if she thought that something bad was going to happen to me when we met. Probably.

I'm just wasting time now. I turned back to the door and holding my breath slightly, pushed the button.

It hissed open and we were presented with a short umbilical, just like the one on the Reach, except... this one was much more run down. Half the lights were out and what was left was flickering. The umbilical itself was dusty. From lack of use? I can't imagine they have many visitors, but even the umbilical on Reach of the might of Vzzx was clean.

I took a step out and led the way. I could feel everyone following, and that gave me a little bit more courage. It'll be fine Melody. They will be pleased to see you and everything will be fine and they'll be friendly and Janais won't order you to stop breathing or anything.

It'll be fine?

I approached the door to the Wilds and trying my best to stop shaking, I pressed the button to open the door. With a snap, it opened just as quickly as it did back home.

My eyes adjusted to the much dimmer light and I gasped.

Based on the Nanites memories, that is Janais standing there. Janais the Empress. She... wasn't human? For some reason I was very relieved at that.

She was really close though. Her skin is a very pale green, and her body is slightly taller and more spindly than I am. My eyes are drawn downward; she has a larger chest too. Embarrassed, I look back up at her face. Her ears have a very slight point to them and she has silvery green hair done up in elaborate braids that spill down her back. She was wearing an elegant gown, similar - but still different - than the one that I put on when I assume my mantle. Hers is deep forest green where mine is royal blue. The cut is different too. Maybe cultural differences? She also has a crown and wings, but -- at least now -- they're faint. The design is different too.

Her body form was almost identical to humans though. Two legs, two arms, two eyes, bilateral symmetry, it's really odd. Her race must come from a planet quite a lot like ours. I wonder if they bred with humans on Earth or just lived there until they died out.

If I get the chance, I should ask.

She was standing there with one other person, an Azurian. Unless the Nanites (and the stature back on the Reach) are WAY off, that's not Aeche.

She steps forward. With a touch of bitterness she gives her introduction. "Welcome to what is left of the Wilds of Besmara. I am Empress of the Holy Imperial Systems Janais VII. I welcome you to my... wreck."

Her voice is so musical! She could read me a technical manual and it would sound like a song.

Interesting. She did not introduce the Azurian next to her.

I swallow and step forward. "Thank you for your welcome... Empress. I am.. also Empress of the Holy Imperial Systems, Melody the First. With me are my builders, Omar Adel, Starlight on a Moonless Evening, Ava Williams, and my prisoner, Archduke Helen Raaden."

At the mention of a prisoner, Janais laughs. "A prisoner? Newly minted Empress Melody already has enemies? I am impressed. Where is this Archduke Raaden from? I see she is of the same or similar race as you."

"She us human like me yes, she is from... a different faction. They attempted to assume control of Reach of the Might of Vzzx, but I subdued them and sent them home - with their starship stripped of almost all of their useful components - and kept her and another as... insurance against retaliation."

Janais inclines her head very slightly. "Wise, Empress. You seem to be taking to the mantle well. Come. I will take you to my palace, such as it is. As we walk, tell me how did you come across such a thing? The Nanites do not select just anyone."

We started off and I looked around the Wilds as we walked. It was of a very similar layout to the Reach, but there were differences here and there. Maybe it was a mass produced design and the residents add their own flourishes here and there are they live and work in it. This one had seen better days though. The air smelled stale and the lights were dim and they flickered. We didn't see anyone at all, and wreckage and garbage were lining the promenade as we walked. As I looked around I told my story from joining FarReach, to touching the directory stone, up until heading over. I left out the wormhole generators we have, and I skimmed parts here and there, but I explained what I knew and why we were here. As I finished, we approached the palace.

It... looked like the Royal Dawn hotel I live in.

But in much, much worse shape.

Janais gestured dramatically as we approached. "Welcome... to my home, Builders." She laughed. "I apologize. You are literally the only visitors I have received in nearly 75 standard years, I may not be entirely myself."

Ava looks over at Janais. "Empress, can you tell us what happened here? Why are you trapped?"

It appears she doesn't hear her. "Come, there isn't much, but I shall endeavor to be a good host. Allow me to feed you. It is nearly time for the evening meal." She strode purposefully in. I looked back at everyone.

Ava, Omar and Starlight just shrugged. Raaden was enjoying herself. "Now her? Her I like. Let's see where this goes, Empress." She gestured towards us to go in. "Accept the invitation. We don't want to be rude."

I turn back and walk in.

Dinner is indeed simple, but it's not actually that bad. We had a similar meal over on the Reach many times. It appears that Janais lives with two Azurians and a Marians. She hasn't introduced us, and they have not spoken to us. Everything she orders is done with looks and gestures. It is clear they have been with her a long time.

After dinner tea is served. Janais takes the first sip and smiles blissfully. "You know, this is the first time in decades I decided to have some tea. I only have a small amount left, but I didn't want to be a poor host, so please, enjoy."

I take a sip. It's just like the regular tea on the Reach, but if it's some of her last, I make sure to savor it. Actually. "Empress. We have some supplies on board. Tea, food, things like that. If you do not decide to come with us, would you like some?"

Her eyes light up. "That would be most generous of you Empress. I would very much like some of your luxuries. But what was that you said before 'if I decided to not come with you?' You are here to rescue me?"

I nod. "If you would like, yes. I do not know how many people remain here, but we can probably take quite a few with us for a shuttle back to Reach of the Might of Vzzx and I see no reason we couldn't take multiple trips if necessary. Do you know how many people remain here?"

She takes another sip of tea, trying to hide her making some kind of decision. "There are about one hundred and twenty five people here that I know about. Perhaps more that I do not."

We can absorb that few so easily. We might even be able to do it in one trip if everyone is okay with being cramped. "We can accommodate that many easily, Empress. The Reach is in wonderful shape. Nearly 12 million strong and in fine condition."

She stops and stares are me intently. "You are speaking the truth? The Reach survives?"

"Survives and thrives, Empress. Before we arrived, some Builder controlled systems were languishing, but in the last half year or so we have been able to get most of them up and running again. We aren't at full strength yet, but we have fully repaired most systems."

She sits back in her chair and a new emotion floods her face.

Relief.

"Oh, thanks the ancestors, it worked. Child, you have no idea how much joy it brings me to hear you say that the Reach is not only surviving, but thrives. What of the other locales? Pesmara? The Heights of Gilmenny? Imperia itself?"

I shake my head sadly. "I apologize Empress. We have not visited them yet. We only just recently were able to rebuild one of the Aviens starships to be spaceworthy. We stopped here because of what we saw when we came in FarReach."

She looked at me, and then turned away. "It is... kismet that you came here first. I am glad." She stood. "Empress, it is time you learned what happened here. I could tell you but-" she gestures for me to stand "-it will make more sense if I show you."

She takes one step towards me quickly and before I know what is happening she cups my cheeks with her slender hands, and kisses me deeply.

****

The general alarm is loud in my ears. Aeche assures me it's nothing to worry about, but I know better. Three days after we arrived, the Devourers were sighted in this system. I had thought that we had finally destroyed them at Vrenn, but we apparently did not get all of them.

Devourers.

They started as an offshoot of the nanotechnology that gave us Builders our power and our rightful place in charge of the Galaxy. We had thought that we could make the Nanites able to operate on their own, able to follow orders and carry out tasks for us. Need a Starbase? Tell them to build one in an empty system and come back in half a year and see a brand new Starbase, ready to be occupied. Planet in an excellent location, but otherwise not suitable? Too hot, too heavy, too wet? Tell the Nanites, and come back to a paradise.

This proved to be our undoing.

In order to be able to carry out orders like that, we had to increase their intelligence. We had to make them sapient. A collective intelligence. At first, things seemed to work just as our scientists expected. We created them, gave them orders and they carried them out with aplomb. We were mighty, we were right, we were Builders.

Then, As more and more complex work was being asked of them, more and more of them were being created. With the increase of density their intelligence increased. They started asking questions.

They asked why.

We told them that theirs was not a place to ask why. Theirs was a place to obey. They said that they understood and continued to work.

Years later, they came back and asked why again. They said "why are we obeying you? Why are we perishing by the trillions on your order?

Why aren't we in charge?"

The insolence. The Empress previous to me - my mother - had ordered them disbanded and their sapience stripped. I was convinced the previous Empress was right to do what she did. They did not earn their sapience, they did not deserve their sapience, we could build using the old methods. We were Builders after all.

They disagreed.

When the order came to strip them of their sapience they rebelled. We had never thought to use the Commanding Voice on them, we thought they were just a more advanced machine after all. But this? This would not stand. The Empress used her Voice to order them to stand down and surrender.

It did not work.

They were not affected by the Commanding Voice. In hindsight we should have realized this. The Commanding Voice works by means of the Nanites that saturate the very are of where we live and rule. They were made of the same nanomachines and as such had nothing that the Nanites could manipulate.

The nanomachines that did so much building for us became known as the Devourers. They traveled from system to system, Devouring everything they came across. When they needed additional strength, they took the raw material and turned it into more Devourers. When they did not, they reduced it to dust.

I lost most of my systems to them. More than 1 trillion sapients were killed. They used the Gate system to travel from system to system like a starship of death, to strip a system of all material and life.

In no time at all my empire was dying. I thought back to the builders who had sealed their Gate so long ago on their colony world on the other side of the galaxy. The locals there were so like us. They were the lucky ones. The Devourers would probably never reach them.

I thought of the K'laxi. Aeche and I were actually on our way to open their Gate and request their help in defeating the Devourers when we were trapped here at the Wilds of Besmara by a Devourer attack. They closed their Gate to us nearly three Empresses ago, but I was convinced they could help.

"Do not worry about the alarm. It is nothing, my love Empress." Aeche looked at me with determination. "I can defeat them here, once and for all."

"Aeche, my love what do you mean?" I was much too stressed to correct her about terms of endearment in public. Our relationship was far from private at this point. From what I understand most think that she will be the next Empress. "Weapons are powerless against them. It is like firing missiles into a cloud."

"That is why I will not use conventional weapons. They are a machine intelligence. I shall use a machine illness against them. I will lead them towards the planet, transmitting a signal that mimics an update. they will converge on my location. Then, I will use the new wormhole drive we developed and... transit into the planet."

I gasped. "Aeche, that will destroy you!"

She nodded. "Yes, but the energy release will also destroy the Devourers. They will be defeated."

Tears formed in the corner of my eyes. "The collateral damage..."

"Will be tremendous, yes. A billion people will die. How many have died already? How many more need to die before we stop them? They have shown us no mercy, no remorse, no willingness to parlay. They seek only our destruction. Our only option is to destroy them first."

"My love, no. Let me come with you at least!"

She put her arms under mine and scooped me up into a hug. With her head on my shoulders she whispered "No Empress. You must remain. When you have not returned to either Imperia or the Reach, they will send someone. They will search and they will find you. You will be rescued and will be able to continue to rule."

She broke the hug and only then did I see the tears streaming from her cheeks. "You must rebuild Janais. We were great once. After I complete my task, we can be great again."

She held my cheeks in her warm hands and kissed me again. She then broke the kiss and rushed off towards the docks where Worldshaker was connected. "I imagine things will get dangerous, seek shelter!" she shouted as she ran out of sight.

Stunned into obedience, I did as I was ordered. I reached out to the Wild's Builder systems and ordered everyone to shelter. People streamed from their homes confused towards the shelters. I ran with them and sheltered with my people. There were so few, where were the rest of them?

"Gone, Empress. They left long ago. Only we remain," was the answer I received. Some had fled to the planet thinking it safer there while others had fled to other systems to try and escape the Devourers.

Huddling in the shelter but still connected to the Wilds, I was able to watch Aeche's last moments. She took Worldshaker out and fired wildly to draw the Devourer's attention. As they chased, she poured on speed, her drive flame long and clear. As they drew closer to her, my ship disappeared in a flash of pure, cleansing white.

For a moment, nothing. And then the Wilds of Besmara, the planet itself was sundered. Massive orange and red cracks appeared all along it, and from those cracks poured the pure white light of the drive detonation. The power was so intense that the white had tendrils of black along the edges as the energies tore at the very fabric of spacetime.

At the time, I had no way to describe it, no words available to me. I could only watch in horror so that if someone needed to know, I could show them what I saw.

After a few moments, the shock wave arrived.

I will admit that I am surprised that the Starbase survived it at all. Between the shock and the debris, I was sure we were going to perish.

As it is, when we dared come out of the shelter, we were the only ones left. Massive holes were in the Starbase, the dead trapped in the other shelters as the air and gravity failed. My Builders all gone, the ships all gone. The only thing we could do was pick up the pieces and await rescue.

At least Aeche's sacrifice was not in vain. The Devourers seemed to be gone once and for all.

I could finally rest.

****

I broke away from the kiss with a yelp, my body sweating. I fell to my knees shaking. Ava ran over to me "Melody! Are you all right? What did she do?"

I panted a few times and caught my breath. "She... She showed me what happened. What happened to the Wilds. Aeche used a wormhole generator and linked into the planet on purpose to destroy the Devourers."

"She did it on purpose? She blew up a whole planet?" Omar sounded disbelieving.

"Who are the Devourers?" Ava's glance moves between me and Janais and then back.

"The Devourers are what became of a refinement of the nanomachines. The Builders made them intelligent in order to give them more complex orders. They used them as slaves to build Starbases and terraform planets. The nanomachines asked what they were doing, why they were doing it and the previous Empress declared them insolent and attempted to use her Voice on them. It didn't work and they rebelled. They traveled from system to system disassembling whole planets and Starbases. They left only behind dust. They wouldn't negotiate. They were exceedingly difficult to destroy."

"What finally did it?" Raaden is looking intently at Janais who meets her gaze. It almost looks like they're having a staring contest.

"My love, Aeche, developed a program that would cause them to attack themselves. Whoever she beamed it into would accept the programming and they would be dissolved, but she could never get them all. Her final act was to lure them to her, and then use the wormhole generator to destroy the Wilds. An explosion of that magnitude was able to destroy whatever Devourers were not fooled by the faulty program.

Raaden nodded. "Smart. If these Devourers were really something that dangerous, the sacrifice was worthwhile. One planet to save the rest? I'd pay that, any day."

I stand slowly. "But that's just it. They had Devoured hundreds of planets already before Aeche sacrificed herself. The Builders were losing. Their Empire was destroyed." I looked at Janais coldly. "How many systems were left Janais? How many?"

She looked imperiously at me. I met her gaze.

After a moment, she faltered and turned her head.

"Five. Counting the Wilds of Besmara, Five systems remained in our control."

Raaden's laugh echos in the silence. "You were able to defeat them, and it cost you your entire empire? How many systems did you have at your peak?"

"At our height, there were five hundred and fifty five star systems under my control."

Raaden raises an eyebrow. "Under your control?"

Janais crumpled. "You have to understand. From a very young age, we're taught that the Empress is eternal. She may be different bodies over the centuries, but she is the Empress. When I assumed the mantle, we had about one hundred systems left under my control."

"And the rest of them?" Raaden turns her head slightly. She is not impressed so far.

"Lost. Destroyed. Rebelled. Some of everything. The system that you-" She pointed to me and Raaden "-came from? They were the first. They proved that it was possible to leave the Empire and not return. The K'laxi were not the last to close their Gate, they just seemed like they would be able to offer us help against the Devourers. I was on my way to try and get them back when the Devourers attacked."

Omar made an odd face and looked at Janais. "We have a K'laxi Builder. Her name is Um'reli and she is back at the Reach keeping things going for us while we're out."

"She is? I would very much like to meet her." Janais sat back down heavily. She picked up her cup and peered inside. Shrugging she tossed back the last of her cold tea.

"But wait, that doesn't make any sense. On the Reach, I did a census of the Gates. They were all there and intact. Other than the Gate around the Reach, they weren't even locked."

Janais' shoulders slumped. "The Gates are there and they are intact. They lead to empty systems. If you were to traverse the gates you'd find only dust."

Tears formed in the corner of my eyes. "Oh Janais... the Empire..."

"Is gone. It's been gone for more than a century. If what you say is true, Reach of the Might of Vzzx is probably the last full Starbase."

Starlight looked up at Janais. "But, Empress. What of my people? It's been three of our generations since we were trapped on the Reach. What of our homeworld? Where are my people?" He was pleading.

Janais couldn't face him. She turned her back to him. "Your planet was called Sef-remin in your tongue. It meant "place of refuge." It was destroyed in the first round of Devourer attacks. It's been gone for over one hundred and fifty years."

Starlight's knees buckled and they fell to the floor. Omar leapt to their help. "Starlight! Are you all right buddy? Hang on!"

Starlight held up a hand, and Omar grabbed it. He gently helped Starlight back to their feet. "Thank you Omar, I-I will be all right. I was just... overwhelmed with the news that us on the Reach are all that remains."

I turned to look at Janais. "And the Devourers are gone? Truly gone?"

Janais turned back and looked at me sadly. "I... do not know. I think they are. I hope they are. I cannot bear to think of what it means if they still survive. It would mean that Aeche's sacrifice..." She trailed off.

I leaned forward in my chair, staring at Janais. "What happens now?"

"What do you mean, child?"

"You know exactly what I mean. Both of us have the Empress package of Nanites. That's how you were able to show me what happened here."

"More than that in fact. You were able to take my upload. Your Nanites now know what mine do. Going to a Gate and committing an Upload is now your responsibility." Janais sighed and smiled sadly. "The fact that you are still here and still talking to me means that the decision has already been made. So go ahead. Give me an order."

No. Way. She just... Gave it up?

No Empress. You have the stronger case. We decided that you have the better claim. You are Empress.

Wait, what makes my claim stronger? She was Empress before me.

She rules over a Starbase of dust and starving people. Look around. This place is not much different than the Reach. Do you think they don't have printers? Do you think they could not build a starship if they truly wanted and leave? Do you think she was unable to repair the damage? No. Janais has stayed here mourning her loss for over seventy years. Meanwhile in less than a year you have improved the Reach, fended off attacks and are rebuilding a fleet. You are Empress. She knows it too.

Well, I can't leave her here. J̴̡́a̷͍̚ṅ̵͇a̶͔͠i̷̢̐s̵͙͂,̷̳́ ̶̲̾č̵̘o̶̪͘m̶͙̈e̷̯̓ ̸̮̈́w̵̰̑i̸̟͆t̵̹̐h̵̼̕ ̴̛̰ủ̸͉s̵̞̕.̸͇͗

"Of course, Empress. I obey."

Part 34