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honeysparker · 3 years

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two slow dancers | p.p

chapter 1: last ones out

summary: y/n stark has always hated peter parker but her hate is taken to a new level when she finds out he's the soul heir to her dad's legacy. sadly, its up to these two angsty teenagers to protect the world and they cant do that if they're fighting all the time.

y/n beats peter's ass and he likes it

enemies to lovers, slow burn

WORD COUNT: 2.8k

WARNINGS: mention of death, y/n is annoying so that's a warning...

(NOT MY GIF)

You couldn’t place the moment when you first realized syou hated Peter Parker.

Maybe it was when you saw your dad being more tender with him than he ever had been with you in your entire life. Maybe it was when he got invited on his first mission even though he had only been training for three months. Or maybe it was the way everyone seemed to like him, without him even having to try. Whenever it was, didn’t matter, because all you felt for him right now was unadulterated rage.

The Avengers was your dad’s team to lead. It was your dad’s idea in the first place and now he was the sole heir to everything concerning it. And now, as you sat across from your dad’s lawyer in his large Upper East Side office with Pepper lightly squeezing your hand, you couldn’t contain your rage. “What the fuck do you mean “it belongs to Peter Parker”?”

“Language,” Pepper sighed from her seat.

“It means any business regarding the Avengers and money set aside for them, belongs to Peter Parker.” Legal started. “This include the compound, the technology inside of it, and the rights to anything Mr. Stark was working on before his unfortunate passing.” He picked a piece of lint from the sleeve from his shirt and leaned back in his comically large chair, only infuriating you more.

“Isn’t he like a toddler? How is it legal to even give him that much money or power?” You snarled, ripping your hand from Pepper’s to throw up in the air. You knew you got worked up way too quickly, and you were aware how silly you looked flailing your arms around in anger, but sometimes you couldn’t contain yourself. Your dad’s legacy was being handed to an overgrown pre-teen who cuts his own hair and you couldn’t do anything about it. You might have been next in line to be the CEO of Stark Industries, but the Avengers always had a soft spot in your heart and now that was being ripped away from you from none other than Peter Parker.

The first time you met him you were glassy-eyed and naive and wanted nothing more than your dad’s acceptance, so you tried. You tried hard to like him and to not clench your fists every-time he got a pat on the back from your father. You tried to laugh at his corny jokes and boyish charm and not feel the urge to rip his eyes from his sockets every time you caught your dad looking at him a little too lovingly. You tried hard not to curse him for the fact that you weren’t a boy or that you were never quite enough for your dad, but you couldn’t. Every time you saw him you saw everything you weren’t and it took just too much effort to pretend that it didn’t bother you.

So you did everything in your power to avoid him. You trained on days you knew he had robotics, ducked behind counters, and ran into random rooms whenever you heard his voice, just so you didn’t have to be an absolute asshole to him, but it never worked out quite that well. Whenever you heard his sweet innocent voice mumble a “Thank you, Mr. Stark.” you couldn’t help but reveal yourself just to mock him, or poke fun at how starry-eyed he looked when he was admiring your father. You and him were a recipe for disaster and it upset your dad, so you couldn’t help but try for his sake but he wasn’t here and you had just one more reason than ever to let out your rage against Peter Parker.

“You’re right, however, the minute he turns eighteen, it’s all his.” Legal leaned forward, folding his hands in front of him on his desk, a look of almost pity on his face and you could tell he was trying to make you feel better. “Your dad wrote it in his will, so it’s legally Mr. Parker’s, but if Mr. Parker wanted to hand it over to you when he turned eighteen, then it could be all yours. For now, the team will be led by no other than Steve Rogers and on the day of Mr. Parker’s eighteenth birthday, we will meet in order to hand it off to him.”

You could feel your eyes swelling and your chest getting heavier as you sat there and listened to his words but you stayed glued to your seat. You never thought it would come to this, you sitting in some lawyers office on the verge of tears while your inheritance was being handed off to some pretty boy from Queens. You’ve had your moments with your dad before where you felt like just punching him straight in the face, but this was different. You wanted to hate him but he was dead and that would do no one any good. And more than anything, you wished he was here, so you could yell at him or attempt to hurt him in any way but he wasn’t, and you couldn’t, and just the thought of it made you feel more guilty than you ever imagined. Your dad had sacrificed his life for the entirety of the world and you were sat here upset about his will and you never felt more like a spoiled brat in your life.

But this wasn’t about money. This was about the fact that if you wanted to stay in touch with the Avengers or go on missions, you would have to do so through Peter. This was your dad’s sick way of linking you to Peter for the rest of your life and you hated it. Peter wasn’t family, he was barely a friend and now your dad’s legacy rested in his lanky, fragile hands. The worst part was that you knew Peter didn’t deserve it. He hadn’t lived long enough to disappoint your dad or see the face he makes when you really upset him, or endure the insane amount of pressure that was put on you the minute you turned ten. He didn’t have to deal with half the shit that came with being a Stark and yet a huge part of that legacy was given to him with not even half the work done on his part.

What hurts the most is your dad not even trusting you enough to lead the Avengers. If you had any suspicion that he didn’t believe in you before, they were all confirmed now and you could feel it chipping away at your self-esteem. There was something about Tony Stark that made you want him to love you. Maybe it was his unearned confidence, or how he practically moved through every room like he was the one who owned it (in most cases he was), but whatever the reason, you weren’t immune to it. You wanted him to love you as much as he loved his suit, or the Avengers, or Peter, really anything he took his time with, but he didn’t. You didn’t get the loving side of Tony Stark, you got the cold, unforgiving, and expecting side of Tony Stark and it killed you. Everytime you got knocked down in a fight or a bad grade on your test it killed you knowing you would have to defend yourself to your dad. Yet here you were again, defending yourself to him from beyond the grave.

You inhaled a shaky breath, standing up quickly and grabbing your bag that was loosely thrown over the side of the chair. “Thank you, Legal. If I have any more questions, I guess I’ll contact you.” You tried to make your voice sound as firm as possible, but you knew you didn’t have the confidence you came in there with, so all you did was turn on your heel and make a beeline for the exit, hoping Pepper would get the hint and follow.

You practically fell into the hallway but quickly gathered yourself as you began to stare up at the glimmering ceiling. Legal’s hallway was beautiful and littered with ivory columns and paintings that looked like Van Gough painted them himself. If you stare long enough at one you could see the places where the paint gathered together at one spot and didn’t quite blend in with the other colors or where little parts of the paintbrush hair got lost in the painting. They were beautiful and raw and for a moment took you out of whatever episode you were having. Your hand reached out to touch one, slowly and unsure, before a voice broke you out of your trance. “Y/N,” Pepper put a soft hand on your shoulder. “you ready?”

You nodded gently, both of your heels clicking on the marble floor as you left the building as your heart sat firmly in your throat. What you liked about Pepper was that she didn’t ask questions. She didn’t ask about your biological mom, she didn’t ask how you felt about your dad’s passing, and she didn’t ask you how you were feeling at the moment. She knew. She knew how you felt about most things and did her best to be there for you in ways she knew you would receive well. She invited you to watch a movie with her every night and would buy you your favorite candy if she knew you were feeling particularly worse that day. She allowed you to sit close to her and share the fluffy blanket that you both adored so much, and just recently you two started watching Gilmore Girls together. But what you liked most about Pepper is that she stood up for you in a way a mom would. She would kiss your cuts and bruises after a particularly long fight and scold Tony for yelling at you in the way that he did. She would sit by you when you cried, not saying a word or touching you too much because she knew you didn’t like that all that much. She made your lunch and bought cooking classes for the two of you so you could make dinner together. Overall, Pepper was perfect and she was always there for you in the way she was now.

That night Morgan came waddling into your room with her stuffed pig in her little arms and you couldn’t help but smile. She reached out for you with her free arm and you helped her into your bed, cuddling up to her and pushing wet strands of hair from her face. She was entirely too young to have to go through what she went through, but you were happy that her last memories of your dad were good ones. You might not have been around to see the way your dad was with Morgan, but Pepper told you all about it and got teary-eyed every time. You also couldn’t bring yourself to be jealous of the love she received from your father because she was truly every good thing about him in the tiniest body. You may have both lost him, but you both gained a new pathway towards him and that was probably why she was in your bed every night. Sometimes you wonder if she’s sleeping with you to make you feel better or if you’re sleeping with her to make her feel better. Regardless, every night you and her share your king bed and somehow still end up tangled in each other.

The one and only thing, however, that annoyed you about Morgan, was her undying love for Peter. Since you came back, she wouldn’t stop asking for him, and that was after meeting him one time. At breakfast it would be “Where’s Peter?” and at dinner it would be “Is Peter joining us?” and the answer would always be, “He’s not coming, Morgan, stop.” Which she would reply to with a pout or just a loud cry and it was getting on your nerves. It was yet another Stark that Peter had won over and you were absolutely on the verge of losing it, and the last person you wanted to snap at, was your little sister who still believed everyone was good. She still had a good and innocent heart and you owe that to the version of your dad she got, and you couldn’t help but think that if maybe you got that version, you wouldn’t be as messed up as you are.

Tonight, however, she was extremely cuddly and you wondered if she could tell that you had a bad day. As Tangled played in the background, you could sense her giant eyes looking up at you, so you turned to look at her and she gave you a soft smile that told you that everything was alright. So you placed a gentle kiss on her nose and avoided her giggles as you pulled her closer to your side.

“I don’t like you sad,” She mumbled, her little breath getting more faint as she grew tired. “Daddy didn’t like you sad either, he said he was sorry.” She never talked about your father and you assumed it was because the wound was still fresh but now she was telling you that your dad felt some type of remorse and you didn’t know how you felt about that. So you pushed her hair back and attempted to fall back asleep in hopes that you could forget that she said that all together.

The next morning you woke up with Morgan’s entire body on top of yours and your neck in immense pain. It was your first day of school and although you were done with your education in general, your instincts were not about to allow you to be late to your first day of senior year. You really dreaded going to school now, especially since you knew you would see Peter and the last time you saw him practically attacked him. Well, you did attack him, and had to be pulled off by Steve who had a hard time matching your strength. You really didn’t know how you would react to seeing him, especially after the meeting yesterday, but there are some things you can’t escape, and the hardships of high school are one of them.

When you got to school you could tell that your dad was probably laughing at you from heaven above because the very first thing that happened to you was Peter Parker’s solid but firm body ramming into you at full speed and nearly knocking the life out of you. He landed on top of you and you struggled from underneath him to push him off, trying to gather your things as you stood.

“Y-Y/N, I am so so sorry.” He shook, avoiding eye contact and moving to pick up the rest of your papers from the ground. You wanted to smile because it was you who made him that scared, but you were also pissed because not only did he take your inheritance, but he also knocked the living shit out of you within the first minute of the first day of school and you knew you would bruise. You were shorter than him but somehow he looked so small as he stood in front of you. He was more tan than when you saw him earlier in the summer and his hair was longer but more curly. He still had that panic in his eyes that he always had when he saw you but he was more confident in himself. You could tell by the way he stood up straight and reluctantly met your eyes. He almost offered you a small smile, but stopped himself when he realized that you wouldn’t receive that quite well.

“Watch where you’re going, Parker.” You practically spit at him, your eyes never leaving his. “You made me drop all my shit and I’ll be damned if I lose another thing because of you.” You grabbed your book out of his hands and held it close to your chest as you watched his mouth fall open at your statement.

“W-what does that mean?” He questioned with a hint of sadness behind his eyes and something else you couldn’t just place. “Cause i-it’s not my fault o-or wasn’-”

“Save it, Parker.” you cut him off and you knew you were maybe being too harsh because it wasn’t his fault your dad handed so much to him, but that couldn’t stop your words from being laced with venom. “You’ve done enough, and I am sick of you ruining my life.” You turned and left because you said what you needed to and didn’t feel the need to explain yourself to your dead dad’s ex lap dog and you weren’t about to start hearing him out.

But you felt bad, you really did, as you turned to get one more glance of the sad boy standing stunned in the hallway. He looked as if he saw a ghost and any confidence he had, was surely drained after your tiny altercation with him. You watched as he picked up the rest of the stuff that was his and made his exit through the front door of the school, and even you knew you had to make this right.

authors note: hi! omg my first chapter!!! i hope you like it and can give me feedback even if u hated the shit out of it like let me know u hated it idc,,, love peter but i need this enemies to lovers slow burn i know they deserve so stick it out with me and Maybe i don't know be my mutual!!

#peter parker #peter parker imagine #stark!reader #spiderman #spiderman imagine #peter parker one shot #peter parker x reader #peter parker series #peter parker angst #peter parker fanfiction #peter x stark!reader #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland x reader #peter parker fan fic #tom holland fan fic #marvel imagine

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youarejesting · 5 years

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Femme: 40

[MASTERLIST]

Pairing: BTS - OT7 x Reader, GDragon x Bigbang

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Pregnancy, Alcohol Consumption (drink responsibly), mentions making love, cumplay (not really), birth, tasting breast milk, emotions and more that I cant think of.

Length: 5.8k words

Announcement: This is dedicated to the Sherlock holmes anon who guessed the dad debate correct. It was Yoongi. Autocorrects may occur and other errors just let me know if there is anything majorly wrong.

Recap: Back from America. You and the boys have to deal with sickness as the last of winter turns to spring. You are finally able to go back to work, however, you find out you are pregnant. The doctor is running the DNA test who is the father.

The boys joined you one by one, each taking boxes and sorting through them, you helped to carry a rubbish bag for anything they were finally ready to part with. You organised so much stuff, and could finally see the crisp cream walls and grey marble tiles.

“We finally can have a computer room for our games?” Taehyung wiggles excitedly bumping fists with Jungkook who was wearing a pair of rabbit ears. “Or a new dance studio” Jimin grinned at Hoseok who made a cheerful noise while he was buried under a pile of little bags.

“Actually I was wondering if perhaps I could have this room” You spoke quietly folding an old shirt of Jin’s. “What why?” Namjoon was quite alarmed, “did we do something wrong?”

“No it is not that, I just want to make something special in this room. A surprise” they nodded some did so reluctantly. You got the key to the room. And ushered them out so you could start planning.

Over the next few weeks, Jiyong and Moon Inshik helped paint and they snuck in furniture while the boys were out. Jiyong was designing the whole thing. Describing your dream nursery with sketches and the colour scheme was white, grey and peach. Later moving on to clothing and designs preferring no pictures or words on the clothes. The baby clothes colour scheme was peach and yellow.

“You think the baby will be a girl?” “I think the baby would look cute in pink and yellow” “Have you heard back from the doctor about the DNA test?”

“Uh yeah yesterday I received the letter, I just wanted to make it special, I don’t know whether to tell him first or if it should be a group thing?” “Whatever feels right” he leaned down to your belly, his hands were cold and fingers thin, his daughter followed his actions touching your stomach as well and whispered to your baby giggling. “Uncle Jiyong is going to spoil you rotten”

“I don’t think you could if you tried”

Yoongi was in his studio returning home in a formal suit, he had met with a client and it seemed the meeting had gone really well; by the way, he didn’t shuffle and drop his bag but was actually humming. Knocking politely before opening the door he grinned “y/n? come in kitten”

The studio was brightly lit, which seemed odd, and his lips were pulled up in a smile. He looked content just satisfied with his day. You walked over slowly, he looked too happy, you were now having second thoughts. Maybe you shouldn’t tell them who the father is and just say we are pregnant to all the boys. “How was your day?”

“Really good, those boys are hectic, but they liked the song and I got a good percentage of its profits. And there will be more if I help them with the rest of their album. They actually invited us all to dinner tonight so, would you like to come”

He was so chatty and bubbly you hoped this didn’t ruin it, he kept trying to pull you forward and you were subtly avoiding him. Touching things on his desk and cleaning up a few papers. His sweater paws laid on the arms of his desk chair no longer grabbing for you.

“Why are you avoiding me, did I do something wrong?” His smile faded and you wanted to hit yourself for being the reason. “No, you are perfect Yoongi,” Not looking at him, the guilt of ruining his happiness set in. “Did you do something wrong, did you break something?”

“Yoongi, I have something to tell you and it’s important” he licked his pretty pink lips in anticipation. Standing with a sigh he ran his hand down his face, loosening his tie and removing his jacket. The sight stirring you, you liked watching Yoongi undress. He walked you to the couch, where he held your hand and waited patiently.

“Tell me” his voice was low and serious offering you a moment. “It’s good news well I think so, but I am worried how you will feel”

Searching your face for the answer, your hands were shaking as you pulled the opened letter from your pocket and you handed it to him.

Opening the paper he began reading, he was quiet for a long time frowning “what does it mean? the DNA results confirm with ninety-nine point eight percent accuracy that Min Yoongi is determined as the biological father”

He looked up to see you crying. “I’m not your great great great granddad or something am I, we aren’t even from the same country” “No idiot” Laughing through misty eyes you pulled out the ultrasound photo and sniffled “This is our baby, Yoongi. You're going to be a dad”

Lunging into your arms he pulled back alarmed touching your belly to make sure he hadn’t hurt the precious bean inside. He wasted no time kissing your lips, face and neck. Laughing even though he was crying, he held you to his chest. “My kitten we are having a baby”

The afternoon was spent cuddling in his bedroom. He rubbed your tummy humming quietly, it was a soft tune that you had never heard before and he looked so content. Stirring only occasionally to ask you questions, “How long has it been?”

“Well I found out when I was about nine weeks, and I technically didn’t want anyone to know until after sixteen weeks, but currently I am twelve weeks which is three months. I’m not showing just yet, but, will you still love me when I get fat?” “I want to see you big with my baby inside of you” he grinned leisurely tracing his fingers around your belly button.

Deciding to show Yoongi the nursery, the two of you agreed to keep it a secret until sixteen weeks. Just in case anything went wrong. Yoongi stepped inside and you showed him the crib, little toys, blankets and a few outfits. “There’s a little rocking chair for when I am nursing the baby, everything is themed peach and yellow because I don’t want my baby limited to ‘girl colours’ or ‘boy colours’. I just want them to be clean, happy, healthy and look cute like their dad”

“It’s beautiful” he smiled sitting in the white rocking chair and humming the tune again. “What are you humming?” “Ah, nothing just something my mum used to sing to me” he rubbed his neck sheepishly pulling you onto his lap rocking you both as he hummed.

You were so peaceful you didn’t hear someone come home. Not even when they stepped into the room. “Wah these boots are so little and cute,” Namjoon was holding the tiny boots up to his face, eyes wide marvelling at how they sat on the palm of his hand.

“Ah, Namjoon!” “Are we having a baby?” He asked glassy eyes meeting yours. You could only nod before he pulled you into a hug “Is Yoongi the father?” “We are all the fathers, I can’t do it on my own, I have no idea how to raise a child, but biologically yes”

“Congratulations, we should celebrate wait till the boys find out,” grabbing Namjoon’s arm before he ran off. “Joonie no, we have to wait until sixteen weeks, because before that it seems too early what if something happens and the maknaes get sad because of it,” he nodded getting serious.

“Okay I won’t tell anyone” he raised his hand to his heart to swear it to you. The three of you left the room locking it up so no one would enter. You got ready for dinner dressing up nicely and stepping into Yoongi’s bedroom.

“Hoseok just came home, did you tell them about dinner tonight?” “Mm, I texted them earlier today” he rolled out of bed his hair dishevelled and his crescent moon eyes bright.

Arriving at the restaurant you saw a large group of young men, each well dressed, handsome, tall and very lean. “hello you must be Suga’s family” “Suga?” “Yeah that’s his producer name” Taehyung whispered before playfully nipping at the shell of your ear.

“Hello my name is Taeyong, I am the leader of NCT” he shook your hand bowing. Everyone sat down ordering food from the elaborate and expensive menu, “how about some champagne, to celebrate”

“Excuse me, Can we get a bottle of Champagne and what would you kids like?” Jaehyun grinned slapping the boys on the back. “Hyung?” They pouted, not happy with being called kids.

“Can we get a pitcher of cherry coke and another of sprite please?” You asked the waiter and he nodded, the boys looked at you curiously. “I feel like some soda”

You had fun playing games with Chenle and Jisung. Proud that you only had to go to the bathroom twice throughout the whole meal. Namjoon and Yoongi were getting really drunk as Namjoon kept slurring Congratulations to Yoongi and toasting to him. Taehyung the only other sober adult at the table helped you call rides for everyone to head home.

Carrying Namjoon inside your apartment building while he was singing at the top of his lungs Taehyung had started to sweat. “Moonchild you shine, When you rise, it's your time, C'mon yo” he tried to get the others to sing each wobbling comically in the elevator. Someone stepped onto the elevator and he grinned at the stumbling detective, recognition on his face.

“Namjoon?” “Moooooonchild dooooon't cry, When moooooon rise, it's your time, C'mon yo” Namjoon was trying to convince this man who seemed to know his name into singing his strange song with him.

“Namjoon how have you been?” “Soup-” he snickered into his hand “sooper dooper good” “I haven’t seen you since school, hey I just moved into this building so I guess I can see you around” He laughed patting him on the back making him fall forward.

“Sorry about him they were celebrating tonight, I am Y/N” “Jackson Wang, you’re the girl who does the femme guide videos that BamBam has been watching. How did I not recognize Namjoon in the videos?”

“Do you have a femme?” “No, but we will very soon and are kind of scared about what to do?” “If you have any questions feel free to ask” you gave him your number and herded the boys out the elevator and towards your apartment.

Once inside you sent the boys who were more cognitive to shower and go to bed. While you and Taehyung were practically carrying Namjoon and Yoongi to their rooms. Yoongi was kissing your belly giggling a wide gummy grin. “I am your dad, and I love you and…” Wondering if he had fallen asleep you heard a sniffle

“... I will try not to fuck up, okay so just go easy on me, I don’t really know what I am supposed to do, I will be there when you get sad and I will try to not get mad at you when you break my things, which you will cause you’re a child. I love you and your mum loves you and when the boys find out they will love you, I know this cause I am a dad, your dad”

There were steps thumping back down the hallway and Taehyung covered in tears ran at you stopping to delicately hug you. “we’re having a baby.” He was square mouth crying his body shaking with the small sobs “Namjoon said Yoongi is the father?”

“Don’t cry, it’s okay, I am a dad, you can hug me,” Yoongi said so sure of himself, puffing his chest out, standing to hug collapse against Taehyung “You want to say hi to the baby, you can’t see them ‘cause they are in there Tae, I put the baby in here, cause I am a dad”

Namjoon stumbled in holding the little baby shoes he had stolen from the nursery. “Yoongi, I got you a present for you, look they are so little” Namjoon and Yoongi curled up on the bed together holding a shoe each. Only after they argued on who got the left one, Namjoon said it was the most important as the left always goes missing. “I should have the left one because I am a dad”

Taehyung ignored the two drunkards and lifted your shirt bending down to place a kiss on your tummy. Whispering quietly and rubbing soothing circles on your hips. He lured you to his room and stripped and laid you on his bed so he could take photos.

“Hello my friend I expect it would be warm inside someone’s belly, I don’t know where you are hiding because I can’t see you yet, but I know your in there” he looked up at you, “can they hear me?”

With no time to answer Taehyung opened your legs and practically shouted into your vagina, you lost it laughing so hard and he pouted. “It’s really sweet but don’t scream at my business” he grinned and wiggling his eyebrows

“Would you rather I do something else” you nodded at his offer. Slowly and hesitantly he buried himself between your legs, rolling his body against yours in slow thrusts trying not to hurt you.

For the first time, he wasn’t chasing his high with you, he was holding your hands and telling you how much he loved you. You felt so special his slow moans were in a thick baritone. The two of you cuddled all night listening to classical music.

You had such a peaceful rest, Taehyung had exhausted you into a deep sleep. When you woke you felt sick rushing to the nearest bathroom. Vomiting in the toilet, your throat burnt with the acid from your stomach. No matter how bad the morning sickness got, you were thankful that it always faded quickly.

Washing your mouth out and heading to the kitchen, you saw Jimin was making some toast. He was dressed in a pastel blue button-up and tan trousers, looking angelic. He pushed the plate of toast across the bench towards you and proceeded to make another two pieces for himself.

He looked tired from last night and you giggled, his thick lips pursed staring out the window. “My prince you look-“

“Princess, I think you might be pregnant” he blurted out “I don’t know much about females but I started researching after the incident in the bathroom and well... you have been throwing up every morning and you have been to the bathroom a lot and you didn’t drink last night and just so many things”

Shock.

Jimin crossed the bench and hugged you, burying his nose in your hair where he gently inhaled your scented conditioner. “it’s okay love we are all here for you, have you been to the doctor, we can book you in for a check-up-”

“Jimin, I have already been, you can’t tell anyone okay?” “Tell anyone what?” Seokjin walked in heading to the fridge, he opened the doors and was shuffling around the fruit and vegetable crisper, his broad shoulder facing you. Throwing an egg at the kitchen window, it hit with a loud bang. Seokjin jumped at the noise turning around eyes wide looking for the source of the noise. Only to see Jimin frozen and looking at you like you were crazed.

“Don’t tell anyone Jimin threw an egg at the window” Pointing accusingly at Jimin and then at the said window, his mouth opening and shutting trying to speak and defend himself before he deflated. “Please don’t tell” he pouted, Seokjin took a cup of coffee and his fruit breakfast and left for work, the two of you alone once more eating toast silently.

“Jimin, pregnancies are really unstable you don’t tell anyone until sixteen weeks, I am only twelve please don’t tell anyone, imagine how devastated everyone would be if something happened” You held out your pinky and he took it with his, swearing to you he wouldn’t tell before sharing a kiss.

“You are not lying to me are you, you really are?” he whispered nodding you told him that you were, in fact, pregnant and it was Yoongi’s baby, but you wanted all the boys to treat this baby as if it was theirs as you were one big family. He dragged you to his room, locking the door, and sitting you on the bed.

You felt electricity buzz through you, as he knelt between your legs, followed by warmth when he hugged your middle. “Hello Um… baby, my name is Uh Jimin, I love you little one. I know you will be loved by everyone. I will teach you everything I know, and when you need help I want you to know you can come to me. I promise” he was smiling so brightly at your tummy his fingers delicately caressing and tickling your sides. He saw you had started crying hand pressed to your mouth to suppress whimpers.

“Princess don’t cry,” kissing your forehead he smelt like orange blossom and when his lips met yours he tasted like plum jam on toast. “I’m sorry it’s just everyone has been so good and talking to the baby and I’m so hormonal and emotional”

Rounding up all the boys who knew your secret and dragging them into Yoongi’s studio much to his dismay, you discussed keeping it top secret. They all understood swearing they would try not to let it slip.

“What are you working on? A lullaby?” Taehyung read the computer screen, “Is it for the baby, I want to make a song too please” “Me too” Jimin piped up, they all got Yoongi to agree, Namjoon was also onboard with the idea of writing something. You were all excited and in your own thoughts when you heard Hoseok shout from the kitchen.

“Why is there an egg splattered on the kitchen window, god I hope that’s egg if it’s not y’all need some sort of god to save your soul from sins and maybe a doctor yellow-orange is not a good colour”

You didn’t make it till the end of the day until they all knew, “You're pregnant!” Hoseok accused the ultrasound had fallen from Yoongi’s pocket, “this is a baby right, not a lumpy tumour, I have seen an ultrasound before”

Seokjin was choking on noodles, “really?” “Jagiya have you been playing with strays?” Hoseok grinned “You knew and didn’t tell us?” Jungkook pointed

Jimin put on a shocked face, pretending like he didn’t know “princess, you are pregnant? Since when? who is the father?” “But Jimin you already knew,” Taehyung said causing everyone to facepalm. “You all knew?” “I just found out” Seokjin breathed trying to console the screeching Jungkook.

“Same” Hoseok raising his hands innocently. You explained why you didn’t tell them and how the boys had found out you were expecting. “I told Yoongi, because, this is his biological child. Namjoon found out on and got drunk accidentally telling Taehyung and Jimin figure it out on his own.

Jungkook finally forgave you and each of the boys took turns talking to your belly and looking at the ultrasound.

Seven months pregnant and staying in a hotel, you walked out of the elaborate bathroom and got dressed. You had a small paid crew filming you for your channel.

Your phone started ringing the caller ID said Seokjin, you answered, “hello my love” “Are you ready, the boys are getting tired of waiting?” “Alright stop complaining I need to get my room key” you scooped up your things up and headed to the elevator. Handing T.O.P your room key.

Looking at your reflection in the mirror the dress you wore made your little round tummy look cute and you felt like you were glowing. The elevator stopped on the ground floor and you slowly walked out and headed towards the hall. Seokjin's hotel was a luxury style building a perfect place for all occasions and the food was lovely.

The boys would be waiting for you just around the corner, there was a sweet piano piece playing. You recognised it as the one Yoongi had gifted you in the piano-shaped music box.

Inshik smiled by the entrance and took your hand kissing it. He told you how beautiful you looked and Jiyong placed your veil in your hair. It was time to go in. The boys next door, we’re all dressed in pretty suits each carrying a basket of petals. They were your flower boys.

They each hugged you Kai and Soobin patting your round belly. “Rub the belly for good luck?” “I’m not Buddha”

They went down the aisle first throwing the petals. Jiyong followed wearing a spectacular bridesmaid dress, he had made it to perfectly work with his shape and it was in your weddings accent colour.

Inshik held out his arm and you hooked yours around it, “you don’t have to do this, just remember we can leave at any time if you are scared or have second thoughts”

“Nothing can stop me from getting married today.” He led you down the aisle. Everyone you knew was there the NCT group, Rose, Lisa, Jennie and Jisoo, Jiyong’s family including Misuk who had the rings and Jackson and his family there. Jackson had introduced you to his family which had a new member a lovely femme who you had visited and helped her get settled in this new lifestyle.

One look at each other across the hall and you all started crying, thanking the heavens you wore waterproof makeup. Reading your vows addressing them each one at a time and telling them intricately how much you loved and adored them. They read theirs to you each telling you how much you completed them and made them better. The celebrant was an old friend of Seokjin’s. His name was Leeteuk. Apparently, he officiated weddings often for the hotel. He had great fun making everyone feel special and relaxed during the ceremony.

“I now pronounce you, husband, husband, husband, husband, husband, husband, husband and wife, you may now kiss your bride” They each took their turn kissing you each kiss different. But each kiss was filled with love and passion.

The ceremony led into the reception where you danced a small progressive waltz with the boys, spinning you onto the next partner. Cutting the cake and throwing the bouquet marked the end of the evening. The honeymoon suite was spacious and very romantically set. You were worshipped through the evening and well into the morning until you were utterly exhausted.

Nine months pregnant and waddling to work beside Jungkook, who was trying and failing to hide his amusement at the way you swayed. Going to work was less about actually working and more about talking with Inshik. You sat keeping him company and served a few customers. It wasn't a hard job, you also liked the cool temperature of the icecream van. You had some ice cream and was talking with Inshik about the book you bought for his birthday two months ago. He had finally finished it and was discussing the plot twists and character development.

Jungkook arrived to pack up the picnic tables and umbrellas, he refused to let you set up or pack up the equipment. He would just smile and tell you to go easy as pregnant women shouldn’t lift or exert themselves. Then at the end of the day, the two of you walked home hand in hand picking up, Jimin and Seokjin along the way.

The moment you stepped in the door Taehyung was waiting to whisk you away into Namjoon’s office where he would undress you. He had been using the back of the office for photoshoots. Most people have one maternity shoot you had one every day, sometimes he just took different angles of your belly. Your favourite photo was one he took where your feet were peeking out from behind your belly.

You couldn’t say no especially when he praised you so much and made you feel beautiful, it always ended with the two of you making love in Namjoons office. Which Namjoon himself had confessed was always a nice sight to come home to.

Namjoon and the boys had all practised how to change a baby’s clothes, Jungkook was admittedly better at it than you. “I love you mama bear” Taehyung whispered helping you into your robe. Jimin poked his head into the room with a bright smile, he clicked his tongue in disapproval. “Taehyungie, you not supposed to leave marks like this every day, our princess has work”

“I didn’t leave any yesterday” he held his arms up with a grin.

“Princess, I got another bottle of cream” Jimin excitedly hugged you his chest pressed to your back swaying you both his hands under your tummy taking the weight off your back. Moaning in relief you laid your head back. “I will rub it onto your belly, this is the best for stretch marks they say you won’t even be able to see anything.”

“Mmm?” “And then afterwards I can cut some peaches” he kissed your jaw. “Mmm yeah then what baby?” “Then maybe I can rub your back” “I love when you talk dirty to me”

After you were lathered in vitamin E cream, fed and massaged, everyone had returned home. Seokjin massaged your feet and painted your toenails.

“Excuse me, are you single?” You grinned at the broad-shouldered gentleman at your feet. “Ah I am married and my pregnant wife is so stunning” he smiled wiggling his hand to flash the ring on his hand.

“My pregnant wife is pretty too” Hoseok kissed your temple making hearts at you. “Oh, what are your wives names?” “Y/n” they answered in unison and pretended to raise fists at each other.

“You trying to steal my wife?” “Ya! Who would want to marry your horse face”

You took their moment of distraction to sneak of looking for Jungkook. He was supposed to be making dinner. You looked everywhere. Instead finding Yoongi sitting in the nursery hands clasped together gently rocking back and forth on the rocking chair. His eyes closed as he made a sound that could have been mistaken as a purr.

“Hey daddy” you grinned he didn’t even flinch but his lips pulled up in a soft lazy smile. He blinked slowly coming out of his daze and looking up at your swollen figure, “you still love me?”

You asked them every day and each one replied the same. ‘Always’ he held his arms out and you walked into them his long arms wrapping around your waist just touching at the small of your back. He gently pressed his soft and squishy cheek against your tummy, you felt the baby shift pressing an elbow into his face. “hey are you ruining my moment with your mother, when you get out we will have words”

Yoongi walked you to his room, passing the chaos in the lounge. He shut the bedroom door cancelling out the noise, he took a moment to admire how beautiful you looked just being yourself. You were flicking through the books on his bedside table.

“Jimin has been on our backs to read these stupid books about pregnancy. Reading is what we have Namjoon for” You laughed smacking his arm, his eyes darkened and he growled at you “did you just hit me?”

“Get on your hands and knees” he pulled off your robe. Undoing his pants and grasping his shaft firmly he slipped himself inside you gently. His long arms reaching around you to hold your round belly in his hands. You moaned as he took the weight off your back. He always did this and when you asked he said it wasn’t fair that you had to carry the weight all the time.

You were feeling really good he was warming up, he always started so cautiously and gentle until you asked him for more. Being pregnant made orgasms feel so much stronger except this time you felt weird all of a sudden really really weird.

A sharp pain in your back and a tightness that rolled down your stomach, you felt trickling down your legs. Yoongi moaned thrusting a little harder at how you had tightened so hard around him he was so close. He was about to let go when you shouted.

“Yoongi wait stop. bangtan bangtan!” He pulled out and looked at you worried, never hearing you say the safe word before touching your face and then your stomach.

“What did I do?” “My water just broke” “Your what”

“How far did you get through the fucking book Yoongi” you snatched the book off the bedside table finding the dog eared page, “you’re on the third page?” “Yeah” he frowned guilty his voice breathless and his cock rock hard and throbbing in anticipation to his release. Laughing at his cluelessness.

“Fuck I love you” you kissed him, his hands rubbing your belly forgetting the contraction that had passed through you not a second ago. You scraped your nails along his scalp and moaned into his mouth and this seemed to be all he needed as he came hard on your thigh.

The two of you looked down, your eyes staring at the pool of cum before your eyes travelled back up his chest to his guilty and pissed off expression. “Did you just come on my thigh?” “What a waste” He pouted, smirking you ran your finger over it swiping a little for a taste which made him smile even though he tried his hardest to still be pissed.

You cleaned up and began pacing slowly, you needed to hold out for a while before heading to the hospital. Your contractions weren’t anywhere near close. You called the birthing clinic to let them know your water had broke and that you would come in when your contractions get closer. You were timing the contractions on your phone.

That night at around nine you made your way to the hospital, you had the baby later that evening just before midnight. A little boy. He had his father’s crescent eye shape, cute nose and mouth. The boys stepped into the room their cheeks wet, noses pink. Yoongi had the first hold and the boys patted his shoulders gently in congratulations.

“His name is Min Kyung Ju”

Jungkook was a mess he hadn’t stopped crying, he didn’t like to see you in pain and especially didn’t like to hear you crying during the delivery. Taehyung had filmed a little of you in the hospital room before you went into active labour.

The boys loved Kyungju named as the 32nd generation of the Min clan. The boy’s parents stopped by the hospital dropping off some flowers and meeting the baby.

You were breastfeeding one day when Kyungju opened his eyes you started giggling he had your eye colour. They weren’t the dark brown almost black colour of Yoongi‘s they were lighter (lighter brown, green, hazel, grey, blue, pink).

Your channel had become so popular. You had the NCT boys on your show for mukbangs, especially with Seokjin. Playing games with the younger ones. The TXT boys had their own channel now and collaborated with you guys often.

Misuk loved Kyungju. She would lay on her belly and watch him wriggle around on the floor. “Kyungie is so funny”

You came home from an appointment on a particularly hot day to see Jimin shirtless with the baby lying naked on his chest on the couch. Everything was so beautiful you decided to take a photo. Jimin groaned in exasperation his eyes snapping open. “Really, why would you pee on me?”

“I will get a towel” giggling at Jimin who was glaring up at you to get a towel.

Kyungju was a vocal baby but never really cried, ever since birth, he would make gummy squeaks and little sounds when he breathed, he liked to hear his own voice, Yoongi had made a space in his studio where a small bouncer sat beside the desk and he could watch his son chew on the ears of his Woogie. (A floppy cat toy that had a small rattle sound inside)

Taehyung took so many photos of your son you couldn’t help but grin as he ran to you with his camera showing you all the photos. “This is when he started to yawn, this is him smiling the same gummy smile as Yoongi.”

While playing with Seokjin, he started babbling a string of dadadada and blowing raspberries, the whole room went quiet as he squealed and giggled at his Woogie before pulling his feet up to hold, his foot in his mouth.

“Ew, feet are not for mouths” Seokjin grinned at the boy, “did your foul mouth daddy teach you that one?”

Namjoon was playing with Kyungju bouncing him, while you got dressed for the day. Kyungju’s eyebrows pulled together in concentration made Namjoon laugh that is until milk poured from the infant’s mouth and onto his suit. He called for help. “Ahh someone grab the baby, he vomited on me”

“Hold him properly, you’re scaring him” Taehyung scolded grabbing a cloth to clean the mess. Hoseok scooped up the bundle and cooed making the boy giggle once more.

It was a special night you went on a date with Jungkook. You went to Han River on a dinner cruise and had delicious food. Returning home late Jungkook led you to his room pulling off your dress and kissing your neck. You were both excited to have some time to indulge in your pleasures, it had been two months since having Kyungju, two months since you last had sex. Wearing your best lingerie. You told him you wanted to ride him and he responded with a grin, laying back on the bed propping his head up with pillows. He pushed your panties to the side and guided you down his thick length.

Getting really into the moment, Jungkook gripping your hips as you bounced on top of him. He hissed when you circled your hips. Yet the moment had to be broken by a cry from the baby monitor, freezing in place, you both turned to the monitor screen which was in all the boy’s rooms. You watched as Hoseok entered the Nursery to take care of the baby his voice playing through the monitor. “Your mum just wants one night off” the crying settled but you heard a gasp from underneath you.

Looking down you noticed your bra was wet, the babies' cry made your milk start leaking. Jungkook gently massaged your hips and bit his lip. His shy bunny smile and his knitted brows showed you he was curious and wanting to ask something. “Yeobo, can I try some?”

“I mean if you want. I heard a lot of bodybuilders actually use breast milk” Laughing at how quick he was to sit up. He shushed you his cheeks flushed pulling down your bra and tasting some of your milk. You blushed and he grinned up at you. “It’s weird, not horrible just different, I think I will stick to regular milk”

Kyungju was a lazy baby, but still liked to wriggle and roll across the floor, he was always up to mischief. Whenever he was picked up by Namjoon he had a habit of drooling or blowing raspberries, you knew it was because he liked the faces Namjoon pulled when he did it.

The baby album which was released with songs you all had written for Kyungju, it sold twenty thousand copies and every day you sold a few more. It wasn’t anything too spectacular but it made you some money. You discussed the possibility of hosting live shows where you can talk to audiences and meet fans of the channel perhaps even sing a song or two live. However, you decided you were not ready for another overseas type experience, especially with a baby.

Waking to a cry. This one sounded different and Namjoon was the first to respond, he arrived at Seokjin’s room with your precious baby. “Love, I think Kyungie is sick”

You and Seokjin shot out of bed and got dressed heading to the hospital, it was just a fever caused by a cold. After a course of antibiotics, he was back to normal.

Kyungju was scared of the vacuum he started crying when Seokjin started cleaning the living room. Jimin tried his best to console him, but it wasn’t going well. Unable to handle the sound of his sons crying nor watching the tears run down the poor boys face Yoongi took his son and walked him into the soundproof studio and patted his son to sleep. You were amused listening to the boys argue.

“So now I am the devil for cleaning the house, no one is yelling at Hoseok for cleaning” “Because the mop isn’t screaming in our son's ear”

Femme Media 40

Next Chapter

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macklives · 5 years

Text

homestuck recap

i hated this so fucking much bc my 2 am bitch-ass didnt want to read a recap thats probably longer than any slowburn out there

anyways here it is

also, uhhH sorry im using this as a end of session discussion bc that shit gets explained in her as well. and im not writing up more recaps of a recap so this is where im done for the day. (by done for the day i mean last nights session, im still doing a liveblog soon. i just wrote this yesterday)

also that this is long

you dont have to read it, theres nothing of importance

ive been coping with humor to get me through it

neato.

have fun with what i suffered through:

why was “beta” the only thing unhighlighted?

like did i miss a page???

OH its the beta version of HS thats why

damn its like 5 pages and thats it

mmh

well youll all be happy to know im clicking every single one of these links again bc i like looking back like ahh i remember that. good times. also in case i forgot some shit existed.

do you think andrew had fun writing this? or was he like “fuck”

thats a lot of fucking package talk. good thing im not confused as of now and remember it pretty clearly. of else, this early on in the recap, id be screwed.

god remember when i did an analysis on each item and what it did

i feel as if i have the technology engrained inside my head right now

cruxite, alchemeter, all that jazz

flashbacks are starting up already

yeah, that was the good part in homestuck where i knew 100% that i probably would continue on this liveblog in its entirety, ngl

that one explosion scene. bc it kept me going.

OH W A IT SHIT

i just realized how the intermission spades probably fucking foreshadowed the whole jack revolts thing and gains the ring, which was also technically JOHNS fault considering he slashed up the doll in the first place

my god, i guess thats the only good aspect of the recap. looking back at things and realizing the missing pieces.

oh that makes sense for the whole “this prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the medium” i didnt actually think about that

little did rose know where that would get her right now

oh yeah

there’s still the whole entire lab terminal thing and how mom basically knows the place exists. i guess we’re still venturing onto that and itll come up later when we find out how mom knows SO MUCH about the game.

still think shes some weird spy or secret agent

i kinda love her ngl

anyways, theres literally no reason for skaia to produce a cloning machine. so technically, they only sent the meteors in, right? so who put the cloning machine in if not mom?

oh yeah that impact was nerve wrecking asf

and still at this point in the comic i called dave fuckboy red

huh, how times change

i hated reading that whole paragraph ngl, the frustration just kicked me in the boobs again

yeah nobody else got tornadoes, huh?

OH that makes also much more sense

bc she did prototyped them before she entered the medium.

i gotcha

man one of my favorite edits i made, rose hitting that meteor with a bat

are you

telling me

the exiles structures they arrived on were in the form of the items the kids used to enter the medium?

THE EGG

THAT EXPLAINS “EGG”

of course it was 413 years ago. that was never explained. simply vague “many years in the future....” but i expected no less from this

man serenity is the most wholesome character in hs no doubt

damn thought andy here was really gonna spoil us jade’s planet

okay cool, im glad i now have the layout to the whole “their stations went to the coordinates of the home button” shindig

man i honestly dont know what else to say besides “yeah cool recap” when i already pretty much know what went down? ofc im looking into each link and shit and adding in things when i see fit, but otherwise its just me going “ah good times” yknow

the whole meteor thing kinda makes sense now?

we’re still missing a few pieces of info but we’re getting there, folks

oh yeah that reveal

god jade and dave have it in the shits for parents huh

bro isnt the best and jade has a fucking dog

who lowkey

is doing better than bro

who knew a fucking dog is a better guardian than bro lmfao

dreambot = terminator. im telling you.

sorry im still on that idea and it will never leave unless i have the actual proof in front of me that its not going to become a thing. meaning, ive finished hs and theres still no terminator dreambot or either andrew himself gives me a canon letter with “the robot is not arnold, mackenzie, pls just let it be”

why is the entire game session highlighted

i swear to god if this is like to a second recap or smth of the whole game session i may fucking CRY

okay thank god its just a design of the skaia layout

which is honestly cool

idk why its blurry tho but i can at least see the layout now. which is honestly how i pictured it anyways.

yeah, john did make a huge impact in his friends’ life and i find that so fucking touching

yep. got that. everything loops around. cool.

especially when the trolls come in. god we havent even gotten to that recap portion yet, we havent even gotten to the INTERMISSION

pls can this be the halfway point to the recap

AT LEAST

so they were exiled after the whole jack: ascend thing, right? considering theyre way in the future. man no fucking wonder.

speaking of jack

man that whole dad and jack interaction was gold, ngl

OH THAT EXPLAINS THE RING THEN

and wow, andrew’s really giving us the best female content huh. andrew is the true god of equality and diversity.

also hey, i didnt realize that wow. so PM tricked the queen in showing the parking ticket to be able to take the present from jack. she’s a smart cookie, that one..

she and PM basically snitched on jack and it was the best thing that has happened to me so far

oh yeah okay

but why did AR panic over bec? bc thats something we havent learned yet, right?

anyways

exile town, the only town which should exist. facts. i dont make the rules.

noice

i love PM being queen. like.. thats canon now. shes an actual queen.

yeah that was a fun game and the consorts were cute

fuck yeah the dick head

hate them even more now that i know john was killed because of them

anyways, i wonder what dick move dave’s denizen did? maybe thats why its filled with lava bc the denizen was like “fuck it. make the land red. kill them all”

UH WHAT

WHAT

OH MY GOD HOW DID I JUST FORGET NANNAS LETTER LIKE THAT LMFAO

THEIR TITLES WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME!

so i still dont know what they mean but i can gather it has something to do with the game giving them abilities. considering dave is the “knight of time” and he can go back in time. whack.

which means john can either control someones breathing or simply wind. and rose is... like that one girl in the winx club who does the sun shit. bc whenever i think of light powers, i think of stella.

and jade is space. witch of space.

nice

i have no idea what that means ngl

okay finally

we’re at the trolls

maybe this recap will end soon

i remember when i thought they were internet bullies

yesss

someone asked if i basically knew the trolls were on a different veil than the kids, so not presently with them, and i know lol. i was making a joke before btw. jsyk. dont think im incompetent to forget these things when sometimes i choose to forget it so i can add in a joke

it be like that, i annoy many

then again, pls dont assume im trying to say im not incompetent bc im also a fucking dumbass and DO forget shit and i have no excuse

imagine being so bored on the meteor, your last resort is speaking to aliens

ngl me if i was ever trapped on a meteor and could potentially do that

nah ik its bc its their only hope at helping with their session or whatever tf CG said to john. but there was BOUND to be a conference meeting between them like “okay guys. humans. that needs to be sorted out” and you just hear CG screaming in the background

i cant wait to meet them honestly bc im growing on all 4 of the ones we’ve seen already. and on top of that, i know what they look like and i know theyre not THAT bad, just a little on the crayy zee side sometimes

but theyre trying

OH MY GOD

I GET IT

FUCK

DOES THAT MEAN THE INTERMISSION IS *APART* OF THE MAIN FUCKING STORY??

AND SPADES IS WV FOR THE TROLLS

GOD D A M N

wow

i didnt expect that. but maybe the signs were there and i was just willingly choosing to ignore it or smth bc “haha couldnt be, right”

flashbacks to how i thought the trolls were humans

anyways, i guess he got his revenge on the kids version of “snowman” ie the black queen. but really

he did not have to do that. he could have cut off the finger and fled. but he decided “nah, lets implode her” so the loml is dead and all i got was a catchy song

i knew they were different types of “bullies” but now i just have to replace bullies with uhh

trolling strategies

anyways, this is cute. i love how they’ve come to be friends through mutual frustration. good part in the comic.

i wonder why it explodes

more importantly

....

terminator time?

this was my favourite sequences of dialogues in the whole entirety of homestuck. that is to say the back and forth thing that the kids went through to become a sort of wingman for the other.

absolutely gold.

all except AT’s rap.

GC was the only smart one with the linear shit

anyways fuck he still has to kill the denizen now but apparently its hard to beat for a sleeping dick head so

that will be fun for the future

john will probably need to kill A LOT of imps to get there

yeah rose is a badass bc she slayed that thing with needles of all things

OH and the white queen was the cursive

damn did AR ever do the whole guide process to a kid yet? maybe he will with dave, idk

oHHH

i fucking SEE

thats why he said DNA

to use it and replace all the life forms in the ocean

fucking neat wow

man that sounded sarcastic but im genuinely impressed bc all i got was bullshit as i read jaspersprites log

so thats the secret. it was “meow” bc that somehow translates to the genetic code she needs then. and that code apparently took fucking years to write as well. sick. whack. oh man.

derse is very pretty, ngl

and wow shit

“dave had already been awake in his tower all along without realizing it” how tf does someone just

do that, awake in both places at once

i didnt even fucking realize that fact as i read that pesterlog wow

ah yes, around the time things got confusing

okay so the capsule makes sense bc at first i didnt know it was a fucking time capsule so i got confused as to how it just apparated the game lmfao

the more you know i guess *twinkle*

i find that a neat concept tho

like the whole whatever you prototype affects the imps and shit

yeah so that whole “he had no advice” basically impacted his future

no shit dave wanted to reset things bc he probably thought he caused some sort of bad butterfly effect and killed his best friend

fuck calsprite thats all im gonna say

i read that first sentence and i think i got an aneurysm

and then everything else just made me sad again

i mean good thing he fucking did amirite?

we got pain at first but now we got cool shit like idk

fucking DAVESPRITE

damn idk how that works

will rose have like two minds now? or will this be some steven universe fusion shit?

“and understood their meaning” course well i fucking didnt so could you pls elaborate, rose?

okay but then what the fuck did he use that was inside the fucking box

bc i thought he used his knife?

im only every going to refer him as that now, thank you andrew

alright okay..

god that was a lot

i dont know what will happen once i click on those links but i am going to see that for myself bc i refuse to add ANYTHING ELSE

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tfw-no-tennis · 5 years

Text

One Piece Readthru

heyo ive decided its time for me to catch up on the one piece manga finally!! i last read it uhhh sometime late 2018?? MAYBE early 2019....anyways ill be liveblogging it, basically for myself but if anyone is interested then enjoy lol

so w.out further ado hers 927-931 hya

uh ok i left off kinda in the middle of the wano arc, so im scanning thru some stuff to see what i remember.....i dont really remember what the deal is with that ginger (?) pompadour guy lmao. theres a lot of new characters and intricate politics in this arc from what i remember.

i havent really gotten spoiled for anything....i know that something bad happens to kid & killer, somethins up w/sabo (but we dont know what), luffy fights kaido (more than once i think?) uhhhhh we get roger flashbacks and hear the yonkous bounties....thats abt all i really know. so im hype to find out what else has gone on....

im gonna start around 927, i defs read this but i want a refresher

wow its amazing how sanji can oscillate so fast from being unbearable and annoying to like one of my favs

i loveeee the panels where those dudes start trashing sanjis soba stand and usopps like lol lets back up yall we KNOW sanjis boutta kick some righteous ass....YESSS

franky supplexing a guy....ily franky

toko!!! i forgot abt her!!! cute kid, whats her deal? iirc she works at the uhhh wherever komurasaki works and she almost gets murderized later

sanji and little kids is so cute ;_; more of that and less stuff of him being gross w/women

ok exposition....i do remember a lot of this

928, i feel like i remember this stuff so ill kinda blow thru it

oh yeah i remember luffy n the prison shennanigans....good times

and kidds here too, talkin abt how he lost his arm trying to fight shanks...lol dude

dude is really like oh i couldnt take down shanks, so ill aim for a different yonkou, im sure this will go much better a second time (and down an arm)

omfg i forgot abt this dude who apparently sold his FAMILY to get money for komurasaki....

i think we’re supposed to feel bad for this dude and think komurasaki is cruel or w/e but man honestly i just respect the hustle. girl knows whats up

HVBJSDKFBDS I FORGOT THE HILARIOUS LINE WHERE SHES LIKE ‘I HATE POOR PEOPLE <3′ IM....its literally like a weird twitter shitpost lmaooo

they cut immediately from komurasaki to tama asking momo if he has a sister....LMAO SUBTLE......

i dont even remember if that twist was spoiled for me, but either way it was my like immediate thought upon komurasakis intro lmao

ok 929!

omg kanjuro selling some-drawn fish lol

OUGHHH CARROT AND THE OTHER MINKS....i miss carrot sm i hope she shows up more :( i really wish she would join the crew....

lmao that guy calling zoro a pretty boy and saying girls are probably all over him....zoros like uh ew no im gay

OOOH PLOT SHITTTTT....caesar and doflamingo name drops...

VEGAPUNK HM [eyes emojiey]

orochis defs gonna get fucked up at some point. his design reminds me of wapol and other like corrupt king archetypes

oguhfdbsjkgjdfbh laws head basket i forgot abt that. also i love when people call him traffy thats weirdly cute

oh right the other supernovas who became kaidous bitches are here to fight...i recall that fight somewhat

920 time!

oh yeah the weird place where all the poor starving people laugh constantly...inch resting

OHH YEAH BIG MOM!!! man i definitely read a lot further than this lmao. w/e i was SO fucking hype when she showed up, imo the whole amnesia thing is pretty lame. we’ll see where it goes tho

the art here is just so good oh man. the panel of big moms ship charging up the waterfall while she laughs? fantastic

EPIC arrival. i hope big mom gets to do cool stuff even despite the impending amnesia

i ALSO hope her kids get to do cool shit too. im still holding out for a zoro vs amande battle (if shes even there? i dont see her, but thatd be such a waste)...and smoothie vs robin....

and she wants zeus back....NAMI FIGHT??? PLEASE???

oh its bdsm dinosaur guy....hmm never thought id type that

LMAOOOO law is like Dont You Dare Fucking Snitch On Us and usopp is like uh luffy pls come pick me up this guy is too hardcore

FINAL BATTLE thats so dramatic law please

sanji saying he’ll protect usopp omfg

oooh theyre destorying all the soba shops....here comes sanji to bring the PAIN

OMFG THE RAID SUIT i forgot he busts that out....hilariously quickly all things considered

931! ok but first my obligatory thots on how sad i am abt how the women of op look nowadays lmao revisiting old one piece just makes it all the more obvious how ridiculous its gotten....like nami and robin dont even look human, its insane, and the sameface has gotten so bad...idk i miss when op women used to look normal and could just exist without being Sexy Women bc that was a thing at the beginning and i really loved that...now its just like wow all titty no waist legs are 100x longer than normal....not to mention the writing for women in op has gone way downhill...ugh. ANYWAYS onward

ofc as soon as i say that theres a rlly cute and p normal looking cover w/nami...i love her sm shes my fav character thats part of the reason this bothers me so much lol

i miss her short hair tho...the long hair is pretty and i like her different hairstyles but i defs prefer the short spunky look. i wish she wouldve gotten a cool bellmere-esque haircut after the timeskip at least

ok im p sure i didnt read this...? i dont remember hgbvhjaksdfk

GERMA THEME SONG HBVJSDUIFJBSF are you telling me that the raid suit activation process involves a THEME SONG....please i need to hear this. thats so fuckign funny

‘GERMAAAAAAAAAAA’ [sanji doing an unironic magical girl transformation] IT CANT BE OVERSTATED HOW HILARIOUS AND AMAZING THIS IS LMAOOOOOO

i think we saw this w/his siblings during whole cake but i forget lmao

of course franky and usopp are like OOOH FUCK YEAH

HHBDSJKFJSB the implications of law knowing Exactly who that is....like i really need to see an omake of a campy power rangers/sentai/whatever-esque show/comic with all these germa personas omfgggggggg

and law having read the comics is SO funny

also. sanjis hair is SO unfortunate lmaooo

O SOBA MASK HBVHSJDKUFJBDSK

germa was the bad guy group in the comics....good lmao

law was defs a fan he knows ALL the lore LMAOOO

A BABY SANJI....and then sanji being weird. skip!

ironic hows theyre like oh shit gotta challenge this dude so he doesnt destroy the town and their fight is gonna level the place anyways lmao

oh i did read this i think cause i remember all those ninja busting robin for sneaking around

which ok theyre ninja but robin could grow eyes for surveillance so it doesnt make much sense that shed be caught so easily...alas

THAT GUYS HEAD HBVHJFKD LMAO

oh yeah then big mom washes up w/amnesia lmao. i hope that plotline doesnt suck, i dont have too much hope...normally i really like amnesia plotlines and honestly i think itd be cool to explore w/like one of the strawhats but in this case it just seems kinda like a lazy way to take big mom out of the game :/ my prediction is she’ll get her memory back at a certain time thats convenient to the plot, just in time for like an all out war w/kaidou and the straw hats and the yakuza maybe? we shall see (possibly)

ok its past 6 am so its bedtime. more later!

#LJ reads one piece #thats my tag now!#one piece #my posts #liveblog

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low-budget-korra · 6 years

Text

The Legend Of Korra_Book One : “That’s Dark”

So reviewing TLOK made me not only caught up in the nostalgia of this wonderful and special animated show but also reflected on the journey not only from Korra but also from all Team Avatar.

(Remembering that all this is just my opinion and some of the various interpretations that I have about the show)

Book 1 is in my opinion the second best of TLOK and the darkest of all.

And reviewing I think I've noticed why.

Book One is the most "real" of all. All the problems there can be seen in the most different societies.

We have an ideological political clash in an environment where segregation between benders and non-benders is still a reality.

I think the whole atmosphere of Republic City is more dark , so at the very beginning we are introduced to those problems that I honestly think we can all understand. Fear of violence, lack of confidence in figures who hold power, a "savior" who appeals to the fear of this population and take's power, conspiracies for power, politics shit , social inequality , etc

Problems that are real at a international level. I here in Brazil can feel and understand this in the same way as a person who whatch’s the show in Canada. I think

Not to mention the urban colors and shades of grey and brown more saturated and not so bright (especially at night) , showing that the city is kind of a trap, something “Too good to be true." Its beautiful and scary at the same time.

So we have Korra, who in book one has 17 years (the same age as I when i started to watch the series) and as it is visible in her’s first moments, is that she has the “spirit of a kid”.

I think the expression "kid's mind in a Woman's Body" can define the Korra in Book One. She is naive, immature, spoiled, a bit arrogant, very self-confident, playfull...

I think it was one of the things that enchanted me in her and undoubtedly was what made me connect with her, because I was also, especially, naive as she.

Korra comes with the glare for just being at Republic City, that childish naivete of thinking that everything will work fine, without consequences.

And it is precisely when she, for the first time, is confronted with the possible consequences of the fight that she has just entered, she breaks. But before we talk more about Korra, let's talk about her nemesis here, Amon.

Amon is a white and heterosexual man representing the patriarchy .... lmao im joking, or not...

Anyway, Amon ... The way he uses to subjugate and dominate his enemies, the violation he makes to achieve this ... I find it almost impossible not to parallel this with cases of sexual violence. Amom takes some of these people for himself, he forces something into them, they get devastated and depressed after losing the benders to him and also they look kinda of feeling humiliated by that.

So we have the terrible and beautiful episode :"The Voice in the Night". Here we see this 17 year old girl, absolutely terrified by the idea of confronting this man who must be in his late 30′s.

I think that when Korra saw what Amon was capable of , it was the first time in her life when she felt truly afraid. And for us girls, being afraid of a man, especially when walking alone in the night , sadly still is a reality.

Anyway, going back to the show ...

After being coerced to fight on the front line against the Equalists for Tarrlok ( I will speak of him soon), Korra gains confidence and in her naiveness, invites Amon to a duel.

Amon not only arrives late as he is disloyal and does not come alone. An adult man ambushes a 17-year-old girl in a dark place with the help of his crew ... Man, this is dark ! And all the lighting and animation of the final scenes of the episode are excellent because it resembles more a horror story than a kid’s show.

The way they hold her on her knees, making her so small in comparation to him, who looks even more frightening. But not only this, because “be on knees” historically and culturally associated with submission and she was forced to be in that position. The way Amon holds her face makes it clear that the avatar was totally impotent since her rival had already crossed the “touch barrier” by touching her face. The Touch for many people is something intimate and touch someone face is not only something more intimate but also associated with caring and love. And this motherfucker just crossed this line

Amon accepted the challenge with the goal of destroying the Avatar independent of who she was. And thats terrible and scary, but also, so real for so many people.

After he leaves, Tenzin arrives and ask if everything is okay and all. Korra then says that she still has her bendings and finally opens with him over her fears as she cries in his arms.

Then after, we have an episode more focused on love triangle and comedy. Cause its a kids show right?

How will Korra deal with Amon now that she has already lost the first battle?

Honestly I dont think she overcame her fears there, I think she just buried them for the greater good that was defeating him. Something like “im scared as fuck but im gonna do it anyway”. And you need to be brave to do that

And after losing her bendings to the enemy in the final episode, when her worst nightmare comes true , she has nothing left to lose. And in desperation to save her friend and crush from going through what she had just been through, Korra discovers she can airbend. And this new wave of confidence makes her defeat Amon at his own game, exposing him as the fraud he is. But is that enough? I see later that she still suffering for losing all the other bendings, she’s still broken until Avatar Aang pass by to say “hey” and give her all the bendings back

(This scene had me on tears)

Tarrlok is a character that I just did not like. And guys since he saw Korra, he directed all the attention to her.

Of course he wanted to use her to climb the ladder and take Republic City's political power for himself. But seriously ... I know that maybe you find yourself thinking "Damn, you will put sexual subtext and sexual interpretation where they do not have". But listen to me.

Tarrlok is an older man who does not accept Korra’s "no" for his partnership proposals.

Then we have the episode where her confrots him by the arrest of her friends. Of course Tarrlok used the bloodbend on her cause she was ready to burn his ass down.

And it is logical that he would disappear with her so she does not unmask him to everybody. Now, though it seemed like something got at the moment, Tarrlok had it all ready. The place where Korra would be taken and where he kept her arrested .

Of course, the most obvious answer is that the place might have been prepared to receive Amon, though he did not know that he was a bender so he did not need that metal box because a normal cell would work, but with all that happened , Tarrlok had this change of plans. I think he may think that she could bring problems to his plans and the let this as plan B

But then an now unmasked and hunted by Republic City police force and just before Amon invades the place, he tells Korra that he will run away and that he will take her as his hostage.

But why? If he had hated her for ending his plans, he could just leave her there to die of hunger / thirst. Not to mention that, Korra would definitely fight and delay him in his escape, so why take her ?

Another thing, Amon wouldnt hurt Korra, he doesnt even saw her as a person, he only saw the symbol, the Avatar and that must be destroyed but all costs. Tarrlok in other hand wants to use the symbol but also know the person behind, he knows the 17old Korra and would hurt her if he has to.

The politics, the intimidation, the haressament, the fear, the power dinamics between those 3 characters...

Mako and Bolin do not have much development in book One . Mako is the love interest and Bolin is the comic relief.

Asami has a very remarkable moment. She has to choose between her father and what is right.

And the Fire Ferrets certainly helped her in that choice. Especially Mako, Asami's mother was killed by benders, probably fire benders cause they kinda murder people parents sometimes, and Mako is a firebender. So relating to him might have knocked over all the rest of prejudice and anger she may have for benders until that.

This arc between Asami and her father is also about the loss of innocence. In that case, lose the innocence of thinking that our parents cant be bad people.

And even more, from then on, Asami is shaped much more like someone who makes right choices in difficult times, even if those choices are heart-breaking.

Tenzin leaves his comfort zone. He will train Korra, who is someone who almost totally contradicts who he is. And right away, we see that he is an excellent teacher. All your patience, your diplomacy is inspiring and will certainly help to make Korra the most conscientious and mature woman at the end of book four.

He also has tough choices, and shows himself steadfast in them, doing everything to protect his family and friends.

Lin, there's a moment I think is incredible. When she sacrifices herself to save Tenzin's family. Lin does not flee the fight. Just like her mother, she is determined in her goals. And we have more depth development in Book 3.

In another post i will talk about the book Two cause this is already too big.

So i believe one of the main sub themes or simple stuff that i can see on book One is the Loss Of Innocence

#the legend of korra #avatar korra #asami sato #korrasami #mako #bolin #tenzin #lin beifong #avatar #avatar: tlok #lets talk about

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sulevinblade · 6 years

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(Talesfromthefade) things you said when you were drunk, for the DWC?

OH MY GOD this was a little idea that got away from me in a big big way but I’m still pretty happy with it. For this and for “cafune - the act of running your fingers through the hair of someone you love,” from @contreparry! For @dadrunkwriting!!

Alistair/Leohta Aeducan, T for language, dumb suggestive jokes, and alcohol use, 4k+ words (awaaaay from me, I wish I had time to edit it but uh I spent the entire time writing it instead).

On the cusp of the party’s visit to Orzammar, Alistair learns what kind of drunk Leohta can be, and shares a little lesson of his own. Light angst, serious fluff.

He finds her standing on the rocky beach, well away from the dim glow provided by the Spoiled Princess’s small windows. It takes a moment for Alistair’s eyes to adjust to the complete dark–the night watch Templar doused all the torches at the dock, as clear an indication as anything that no one else would cross Lake Calenhad tonight–but even if he’d had to follow her blind he could’ve found her by the sound.

Bloop.

Normally finding Leohta by sound means the clank or grind of armour, the grunts or barks of Leon, or even her rare laughter at something Zevran said (it was always Zevran making her laugh), but tonight the sound is completely unfamiliar. It’s still enough to guide him, though.

Bloop.

Last he’d seen her, she was swapping some of the coin they’d made selling things to the Templar quartermaster for three large bottles of deep pink liquid. It seemed a bit of a racket to Alistair, that they should collect the mages’ items as they cleared the Tower only to sell them to the Templars who would then in turn sell them back to the Mages, but surely if that wasn’t how the economy of the Circle usually worked, Wynne would’ve said something. That was Alistair’s hope, anyway, as he’d watched Leohta count the coins before they left, then again at the tavern’s bar. She’d tossed the bag back to him before collecting the bottles and heading outside, and he in turn had left it with Zevran.

Bloop.

“You have known our illustrious leader the longest among any of us. Has this always been a habit of hers?” Alistair squinted across the table, trying to determine Zevran’s game, but succeeded only in giving up his own. “You think I see this as a weakness I can exploit, but I would think even you would see that if I were going to do so, I would have done it by now and certainly would not draw attention to my plans by involving you.” His eyes only narrowed further–how does Zevran make talking down to him still seem so seductive?–but Alistair did sit back in his chair.

“I haven’t known her all that long, really, but I don’t think so. Why d'you ask?”

“My Antiva makes the finest wines in Thedas, so it is not uncommon to see those there who overindulge, but there are many types. Leohta, she is young and exploring her limits, yes, but she is also trying to drown things she does not want to feel. Her limits are low and the things she seeks to kill are very large. It is a dangerous combination.”

Alistair glanced again toward the door. Of course she hadn’t come back inside, that’d be too much to ask for, but what was he supposed to do?

“If it is too much for you, I will go after her, but she should not be alone.” Both of their chairs scraped back at the same time but Alistair was the first to stand, something that for some reason brought a sad smile to Zevran’s face. Alistair could only look at it for a moment before looking away. "I know you do not think much of me, Alistair, and while that is entirely your loss, I do know that one thing we have in common is how much we care for her. Go see to her, my friend, before her sorrows are not all she drowns. It is probably for the best; I am not much of a swimmer myself.“

Bloop.

So now here he is, approaching carefully, pretending to be taking in the constellations while Leohta hurls rocks at the water like she’s trying to knock the waves down before they can reach the shore. The night is perfectly clear; Kinloch Hold is merely a dark space in the sky where the stars are missing, but everything else is black sky and white twinkles. He clears his throat in case she somehow hasn’t noticed since he doesn’t fancy getting one of those stones thrown at him, but she only pauses for a moment before bending to search the area around her feet for another suitable candidate. One bottle is already empty, stuffed mouth down among the pebbles and into the sand underneath them, and as Alistair finishes closing the distance Leohta gives up her search and instead tips to land on her backside, legs out in front of her and a second bottle in her hand. He knows they’re not small but her stature makes them seem even larger; it makes the sight of her lifting one to her lips almost comical but the effect is spoiled by how long it stays there. Maker’s breath, Zevran was right when he talked about drowning.

"You planning on coming up for air any time soon?”

There’s a pop as she breaks the vacuum she’s created, then a dry laugh. She still isn’t looking at him. It makes his chest hurt, how badly he wants her to turn her head. “Breathe through your nose and you can use your mouth for whatever you want.”

“You’re spending too much time with Zevran, saying things like that.” Sighing, Alistair drops down crosslegged at her side and extends a hand. “What are you even drinking? I’ve never seen anything that color in a tavern before.”

“One of the Templars told me about it. I guess–” there’s a pause and she bunches up her eyebrows, apparently trying to put the pieces back together, “I guess the mother started making it as a tribute to her daughter and now of course it’s all very sad but the owner still makes it as a specialty. Sweet mead made with roses.” She passes over the open bottle, not bothering to wipe the top, and the expression on her face, like she’s sharing a secret, distracts him so much he can’t be bothered either. She wasn’t kidding when she said it was sweet but the roses are strong too, floral and delicate. He passes the bottle back after just one mouthful.

“I’ve never had a mead like that before. It’s very… different.” Leohta seems to accept that answer, nodding before lifting the bottle to her lips again.

“There’s nothing like this in Orzammar. Not even in the palace. Not even to make it. No honey, no roses, and when there is if you said you wanted to make something like this with it, you’d be laughed out of the kitchen.” She holds the bottle in front of her contemplatively, swishing the contents back and forth gently and tilting her head in time with the motion. Alistair’d almost think it was a contented sort of gesture but then she sighs and drops her head back, hair falling over her shoulders as she lifts the bottle skyward. “Nothing like that, either. No stars, no sky. Some of the caverns are so high the ceilings are invisible, but you still know they’re up there.” Slowly, she lowers the bottle but keeps her gaze fixed upward.

“Do you miss that?” It’s not something he’s given a lot of thought to but it’s hard to imagine. Even within the walls of the Chantry there were windows. The sky was always there, or not-there maybe, when compared to a ceiling of stone. Trying to imagine life without it or everything it held–the sun, the moons, the clouds and stars and birds–was virtually impossible, but here was Leohta not just imagining the opposite but living it.

“Dunno. I still don’t understand all this. What keeps it up there?” Her hand waves up at the stars but only briefly; even sitting down she’s unsteady without both hands to support her. “With the stone, you know that even if you can’t see the ceiling, it’s still held there by the stone. Nothing floats, nothing rises or sets.” Watching her profile, he can see the way it hardens as her train of thought jumps the track. “Nothing changes.”

He shifts a little, the pebbles grinding softly underneath him as he leans to try to catch her eye. “You changed.”

This time when she looks over at him, it gives him a chill. The stone she’s been so contemplative about has found a home in her eyes, the set of her mouth. They seem cold and stiff and almost lifeless, soft evening blue turned to lapis lazuli. Still beautiful but hard. “I left, and not by choice. You wouldn’t know how much I’ve changed, Alistair. You have no idea what I was like before we met.”

“I suppose not, but I do know you’ve changed in the time I’ve known you.” He keeps his voice softer now, speaking carefully to avoid that stony shift becoming somehow permanent. He hasn’t seen her look like that since before Ostagar, and to lose all the little ways she’s softened since then would be the greatest waste. “Do you miss that? Or her, I guess. Do you miss who you were before?”

Her laugh is a single humorless sound that moves her entire body, shaking her shoulders and flexing her stomach. “What does that matter? She’s dead. Worse than dead.” There’s venom in her voice but Alistair doesn’t flinch since for once he’s certain it’s not directed at him. He watches as Leohta stands, a wobbly process that involves repeated planting of hands and feet before she can push herself vertical. There’s a powerful temptation to offer her help but the set of her jaw makes him stay his hand, even if whatever effect she might be going for is already ruined by her own unsteadiness. “Nobody mourned her, nobody misses her, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s dead. Bhelen killed her as sure as he killed Trian. The prince is dead, the princess is dead. Princess Aeducan is dead.” Her voice is raising, getting louder and more raw the longer she speaks, until finally she’s yelling out at the water. “Princess Leohta Aeducan, second born and best beloved daughter of House Aeducan, is dead!” She punctuates the last word by throwing the empty bottle into the water but it’s a bad throw, short and shallow. The bottle makes only a small splash then floats, reflecting the moonlight as it bobs its way back toward the shore.

Alistair rises, brushing at the back of his breeches, and makes his way up to stand beside her. He’s well within punching range, possibly a dangerous gamble, but if the way she’s carrying herself is any indication, it wouldn’t hurt very much right now. Plus, if she punched him, at least it’d prove she was feeling something. “I’d mourn her but like you said, I never did get to meet her. I’ve met Warden Aeducan, though, and I think she’s pretty great. Accomplished a lot, too.”

She’s bent back down and is sorting through the stones at her feet, tucking some in the bend of her other arm. Standing back up is a careful process but she’s shaking her head the entire time. “They’re not gonna think so.” Her voice is normal again but her profile is still stony.

Bloop.

Was this was he was like heading into Redcliffe? Of course, he hadn’t gotten drunk on sickly sweet mead to deal with it, but he’d had his turn as the prodigal royal-but-not-really. The main difference was he never wanted it, but she spoke so little of her life before the Grey Wardens. Was the crown of Orzammar what she’d really wanted? Not that it really mattered now. “Seems to me they had their chance to appreciate you and they blew it.”

“Oh, no. That’s the thing. Up until the end, they loved Princess Aeducan. That was the whole problem. She was too well-loved. Luckily, I’m not.” Leohta stares out at the ripples from her last throw but the fight’s going out of her. It ought to be a comfort, less risk of being punched, but instead it just hurts more. He curls his hands into fists at his sides to keep from reaching out, swallows the words that’d tell her just how deeply loved she is and not only by him, as much as he might wish it were so.

“We could go back to Denerim without going to Orzammar.” Aaaaaaaalistair, what’re you doooooooing? He ignores the voice in the back of his head, prepared to make an argument for mounting their assault without the help of the dwarves, but Leohta shakes her head. She’s drunk and she’s still got better sense than you.

“Just because I don’t want to go back doesn’t mean we don’t have to. Being a Grey Warden isn’t supposed to be fun, hasn’t been so far, why start now?” She seems to consider the matter closed as she turns her attention back to the rocks she’s holding, sorting through them as though looking for a particular one. They start to slip away and clack into the pebbles below and with a frustrated sigh she picks one, letting the remainder drop. “This is supposed to be, though. How the fuck do you do this?” Another windup, another bloop.

“Wait. What are you trying to do?”

“Make it…” She shakes her head, the word apparently lost, and instead makes a bouncing motion with her hand.

“You’re trying to skip stones… by heaving them at the surface of the water with all your might?” And there’s the punch he was waiting for, exactly as painless as expected. It’s not even hard enough to stop him laughing.

“I saw you and Zevran do it in Redcliffe before we left and it seemed to calm you down so I thought I’d try. You made it look easy, but if you’re just gonna laugh then forg–”

Alistair intercepts her before she can start to walk away. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just that I never would have guessed that’s what you were trying to do. I thought you were mad at the lake or something.” She’s looking up at him, wary, so he holds his hands up in innocence. “If you still want to try, I can show you.”

“No more laughing?”

“No more laughing. Warden’s honor.” When Leohta seems satisfied with his intentions, Alistair finally looks away from her, crouching down. “The first thing you need is the right kind of rock. It needs to be pretty flat and you want a triangle shape if you can find one, but flat will do for now.”

She’s crouching as well. “I thought it would be better with a round rock, like a ball.” She’s quiet, almost chastized, and Alistair has to duck his head and cough into his fist to hide the grin it conjures.

“No, that’ll break through the water and sink. A flat rock will bounce better. Something like these.” He shows her the three he’s found, all rounder still than he’d like but they should do the trick. She holds up a couple of her own and really, they’re no better, but they’re only for learning. “Yes, those will do. Now.” Alistair drops to his knees and crooks his fingers around one of the stones. “You have to hold it like this, because the important part is that you get it to spin. That’s what makes it skip.”

Leohta’s squinting at his hand, then she tries it out herself. Her hands are smaller so she can’t quite circle it the way he does, but Alistair hopes it’ll work out. “Like this?”

“Just like that. Now, the other trick is not to throw it up but to flick it. You want it to stay flat so you have to kind of–” He turns his arm out at the elbow and flicks the rock out onto the water. Four hops, not his best work but not bad.

When he looks back at Leohta, though, she’s entranced. She watches the ripples so long he has to clear his throat to get her attention back, but this time every trace of the stone is gone from her face. She looks eager, determined, but also a little embarrassed. Surprised to have been caught, probably, but it’s a charming expression nonetheless. She turns to face the water again, weighing the rock in her hand, then moves her arm and throws.

It splashes and sinks just like all her other attempts. Leohta curses softly and starts to turn away but Alistair catches her wrist.

“Hey, no way. You’re not giving up after one attempt. C'mon. We’ve got two more rocks, so two more tries, then I guess I can let you give up.” He starts to move before she can start to argue.

“It’s not giving up, Alistair, it’s accepting the inedible. Inedibibble. Ined… remind me to compliment the tavernkeeper tomorrow. His stuff is good.” Her voice gradually gets softer, a delayed reaction to where Alistair has taken up a position just behind her. It’s extremely convenient for him: she can’t see how his face is burning up from the presumptuousness of being so close to her, but it’s also the best position to show her how to move her arm. He wraps his hand around hers and lifts her arm into position.

“From here, you have to flick your hand out. Try to imagine the rock spinning out from the inside of your thumb and taking all that energy with it. The harder you can flick it, the more it’ll bounce and the more hops you’ll–all right, that’s it, you and Zevran are officially being separated because that’s not even dirty and now you’ve made it dirty. I hope you’re happy.” The woman in front of him is struggling to contain her laughter, he can tell, and as much as he wants to keep her focus on him, it’s hard to be genuinely upset. She doesn’t laugh nearly enough and especially not around him. The fact that whatever is so funny is lost on him is a far distant concern.

Alistair waits for her to compose herself then takes a moment to compose himself in turn when she settles back into a proper posture that puts her in contact with him from shoulder to hip. She’s nearly as tall as he is when he’s on his knees like this, a fact he’s thought about many times but never quite in this situation. Leohta gives herself a little shake, tossing her hair in his face as she does. He tries to blow it out of the way but there’s just too much. All right then, one thing at a time.

“Now. Just remember, angle your hand back and then flick. That word is ruined for me now, I think. You’ve ruined flicking.” In front of him Leohta snorts and Alistair make a private vow to forbid Zevran from using that word. He wants it to be their joke even if he doesn’t understand it. “Do you think you can manage?”

“To flick? I’ve done all right for the last few years anyway.” She giggles and clears her throat. “All right. Angle my hand back,” and her hand is moving inside of his so he loosens his grip, “then forward and flick!”

Alistair peers over her shoulder and sure enough. Blip, blip. One hop, but it’s one more than she’d managed before. He puts his hands on her shoulders and squeezes. “There you go! Well done, Warden Aeducan.” She lifts one hand to pat his but he can tell she’s still looking at the ripples.

After a moment, he releases her shoulders and, feeling a little bolder by the fact that she hasn’t elbowed him away yet, reaches forward to comb his fingers through her hair. It’s a practical gesture–even as he’s speaking, her hair is getting in his mouth–but hardly exclusively practical. Her hair is thick and her scalp surprisingly warm underneath it. In front of him she’s gone very still; he thinks she might even be holding her breath but then again, so is he. He focuses on his own hands until he’s gathered her hair at the back of her neck, but then the tension in it changes and oh.

Alistair looks up and she’s right there, her head turned to look at him. Maker’s breath but she’s close, her mouth gently open and her eyes searching his face. Her breath smells like honey and roses and his hand is still in her hair, it’d be so easy and it might be perfect but she’s been drinking and that’s not right. Or might it be OK, with her looking at him like that? The motion of her lips is so mesmerizing that it takes him a moment to realize she’s speaking to him.

“Alistair.” And like that, the moment is over, or at least set aside. “Would you do that again?”

“Of course.” She could ask him to fetch the moons from the sky right now and he’d say yes, but… “Wait, do what?” He didn’t do anything other than have a whole lot of thoughts in a very short span of time.

“Touch my hair. That was nice.” She’s leaning more of her weight against him now and it’s nice but also just starting to make him concerned. Still, he already said yes, so Alistair releases her hair from where he’s holding it and threads his fingers through it again, starting at her temple, mindful of and parallel to the little braid she’s so meticulous about. As he does it, her eyes drift closed but her face is relaxed. It’s not quite a smile but he’ll take it. “Again,” she murmurs as his hand comes to rest on the back of her neck.

Alistair laughs softly but he complies with her request, stroking his fingers through her hair again. And again, and once more, until she leans forward completely and drops her head onto his shoulder. Her breath is warm on his neck as he gives her one last stroke, then stops to reach out away from her. She grumbles softly in protest but he hushes her. “I’m just getting your other bottle. It’s bought and paid for, no sense leaving it here.”

“Why, where’re we going?”

“I don’t know yet about myself but you are doing to bed. Sleeping standing up is only good for horses and probably Sten, and sleeping on your knees is good for no one. Now, come on, up you get.” He hooks the hand holding the unopened bottle of rhodomel under Leohta’s knees, his other arm coming up behind her shoulders. She grumbles again as he starts to stand and he pauses before beginning to walk.

“You’re carrying me like a princess.” The humor in her voice warms him but now he feels a little more confident about deflecting it.

“I’m a Warden carrying another Warden like a Warden. No princesses here. Well, except for the tavern but I’m certainly not trying to pick that up. I could throw you over my shoulder if you wanted, but you have to promise not to throw up on my back.”

“No promises.” She slumps against his shoulder as he starts to walk. It’s only a few steps from the beach to the door but he takes his time. Who knows what Orzammar will do to her, or what she might do to Orzammar? The answer is liable to be complicated but this, for as unexpected as it is, feels strangely simple. She might not even remember it in the morning, but it’s not a feeling Alistair’s going to forget any time soon. “Alistair.”

“I don’t have a free hand to pet you, but if you can stay awake until we get inside, maybe I’ll give you scritches once I get you upstairs.” He’s trying to figure out how he’s going to open the door when she shakes her head and answers.

“Thank you for coming out tonight. I’m sorry I’m–”

“None of that now. You have nothing to be sorry for, and if anything I should say thank you for having me.” Alistair manages to hook the latch with his pinkie then wedge his foot into the gap, kicking the door open as he maneuvers her inside. “You may not have found it so, but I think being a Warden can be a little bit fun, if you’re with the right person. Or people,” he continues, scrambling to cover for himself while trying to ease the door’s closing with his foot. Once he’s got both feet back on the ground, he looks down at the woman in his arms. Fast asleep, looking as young as he’s ever seen her and more peaceful than she has possibly the entire time he’s known her. The inn’s main room is empty, the fire doused, and he’s almost loathe to speak again and interrupt the silence, but he does.

“Or person. Just the right person.”

#my writing #dadwc #dwc #alistair theirin #leohta aeducan #alistair x f!warden #alistair x f!aeducan #alcohol #but also fluff #and feels #leohta's such a mess #oh and yes she and jonah gave their mabaris the same name #it's a thing

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fatbadjah · 7 years

Text

To those whom I’ve disappointed and to those to whom I am disappointing...

On Monday I demonstrated that common sense, good judgment, and I are not always the best friends. I learned about a social event that I was not involved in, and I felt hurt, left out, emotionally neglected and replied out of pain.

I hurt others in a moment of weakness, and for that, I apologize and ask forgiveness.

For me, one of the most iconic images of the 90s was a clip from Blind Melon’s “No Rain” video. In it, a little girl in a bee costume is ridiculed after a dance performance, and spends the song wandering the street…again facing derision and ridicule from strangers. Then, at one point in the song, she sees a gated field. In it, she sees others in bee costumes, dancing around. She pushes through the gate and joyously cavorts—having found “her” people.

I’ve come to define these moments of social connection “bee girl” moments. Most of us have them—especially in the furry fandom.

Like most, I was interested in anthropomorphic animals since I was a child. After reading The Wind in the Willows in third grade, I wanted to join that created family of Rat, Mole, Toad, and Badger. In the mid 80s, I saw Animalympics on HBO until I knew the songs by heart. Likewise, seeing Rock and Rule on the Movie Channel in early 1986 not only furthered my interest in anthropomorphics, but expanded my musical palate out a bit. I started collecting comic books in 1987, as quarter bins were bursting with remnants of the Black-And-White boom—many of which were anthropomorphic attempts to become the next TMNT. When I played role playing games or video games, I gravitated towards any animal-themed races, classes, or characters.

Frankly, I thought I was weird and the only one.

In December 1993, I saw a clip of an event called Confurence on the then-new Sci-Fi Channel (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iodRjbBKB0k). For the first time, I knew that there were others out there like me…that I wasn’t alone.

Florida State University, like many universities in the early 90s, restricted their student Internet access to engineering and computer science students. If you weren’t in one of those disciplines, the assumption was that you didn’t need to access the Internet. Of course, once I’d seen the Internet, that didn’t stop me. I’d learned a little UNIX trick that allowed me to access a raw Telnet in 1992, but I didn’t know what USENET was until January of 1994, when FSU began selling Garnet accounts to students—a basic Internet account with Telnet, email, a few other early 90s goodies, and USENET access. One Friday night, as I was diving through the sea of alt and soc groups, I found one called alt.fan.furry. The group was buzzing about an event called “Confurence” which was happening that weekend in Orange County, California.

I had my “bee girl” moment. I soaked up every zine I could find. Alt.fan.furry was my new hangout. I had an account on Furrymuck and explored more.

I felt like I belonged somewhere. I made a trip in January 1995 to Confurence Six and soon connected with virtual friends.

I wanted to get more involved. I wanted to give back. I didn’t want to just be a passive fandom participant. I put my art out there—though I knew I would be mocked and ridiculed for my lack of skill (I was). I started the first openly gay furry zine, Ten Furcent, in 1995.I published a comic book, Milikardo Knights, in 1997. In 1999, when Ed Zolna’s Mailbox Books folded, I was one of several who tried to open a zine distribution business to fill the void—mine having been Bronzebear Media. And in 2001, I founded Florida’s first furry con, Furry Spring Break, which folded after an internal coup in late 2001 and became an event you may be familiar with today.

Yet while most (sane and rational) people would have denounced the fandom and moved on, if not taken up ranks with folks like the Burned Furs (whose ranks were pretty much filled with fandom failures who could not adapt to the growing and changing nature of the fandom and began pre-Trump cries of “take back our fandom!”) and becoming toxic and bitter fandom saboteurs, I stayed in to help how I could. I involved myself with the staff of events like Mephit Furmeet, Furry Weekend Atlanta, and Midwest Furfest.

In 2011, I took a break. I finally realized after a social breakdown that I was grinding metal and stepped away. I’d moved to North Carolina in the wake of the Great Recession, and I decided to focus on my career. Thus, for years, I was the guy at the Triangle Area Furries meets who stood off to the sides and only chatted with one or two trusted friends, as I licked my metaphorical wounds from the 90s and 00s.

But I never quit, I never left, I never got bitter, and I never tried to sabotage the fandom. For me, furry fandom was my family. You don’t abandon family because of a few toxic relatives. Like the odd cousin at the family gathering, I just stepped away a bit because the obnoxious aunts and uncles had finally taken their toll.

In 2015, I finally got some forward motion on my career and returned to fandom activities, with MFF 15 being my first con back since 2010. In the summer of 2016, I thought about the fact that there were no cons or large “destination” events in or around Raleigh, in spite of the large community. I talked to an old friend, and in early July 2016, Tarpaw Furmeet was born. We staged a “practice” event in November 2016, which then gave way to events that grew in May and October of 2017. As they grew, we eventually had a staff, with whom I started to bond. People were friendly to me at the Triangle Area Furries events and actually started to talk to me.

I actually thought that I was “in,” but got blindsided by my social eagerness, as several of you now know.

To really get this, you need to understand a little of my history and romp through some trauma baggage. I was in a family with two emotionally abusive parents. I not only heard the constant barrage of how I was “not good enough” from both, but during their divorce, each specialized their skills by projecting their spousal loathing onto my brother and I.

My mother played the diehard Christian card, completely modernizing the “spare the rod, spoil the child” concept by making my brother and I draft up “contracts” that opened with “PAIN + FEAR = RESPECT” then laid out multiple violation clauses. Usually, the clauses in these contracts varied by my mother’s mood and often had a bad habit of doing so when she’d had a bad day at work.

My father, meanwhile, decided to simply deploy a forever-scarring tactical nuke on a school morning in early 1981. As my mother was helping my brother and I dress, my father came downstairs, looked at us all and said simply “bye guys, have a nice life” before walking out the door. We knew our parents were divorcing, so my brother and I spent five minutes trying to persuade him to stay—and by “persuade” I meant that my mother held one sibling while the other sibling laid behind the tires of Dad’s Corvette, then swapped places when she would pull the other one from behind the tires. A few hours later, when I had a hysterical breakdown in my third grade classroom, neither my teacher nor principal believed me. I was sent to the office, and the principal called my father’s office to follow up on the “lie.” Upon calling my father’s office, I was told that he’d flown to Acapulco to holiday with the women he was (then) leaving my mother for. My mother at least intervened to back up the “have a nice life” story, because I had to go home since I was a basket case. Dad came back tanned and whored, and acted like nothing had happened—not even an apology.

Since then, I’ve had a nagging fear of abandonment and all purpose fear of letting people get control over me. I’ve tried to address it by simply not letting people connect to me emotionally and living a life of fierce self-sufficiency. I’ve heard “aloof” pushed on to me so many times in my life, I’d have assumed it was my name if I didn’t know better. After all, I figure, everyone leaves me eventually…so why attach to them? Likewise, my other coping mechanism is to just quit when things turned bad—a trend in my early relationships. Imagine that Kermit/Dark Kermit meme: “Things going bad in the relationship… Bail on them before they get to bail on you!” I tried to not quit a spiraling situation once. I made the mistake of entrenching on Furry Spring Break when the coup’s instigator began to get out of control in mid-2001 and fought suicidal urges for most of 2002 once I’d been ousted.

I’ve been used to being left out of things. It was the hallmark of my adolescence. When it wasn’t a point-blank, mean girls style rejection (no seriously, I got “you cant sit here” in the school lunchroom), the reasons were a bit softer on the blow. “Sorry, we just didn’t think you were interested” or “Sorry but there just wasn’t enough room for you” were the popular go-tos.

Once, when I was fourteen, I let my guards down. My father went to the “country club” church in Flint Michigan, First Pres—the one where the shi shi white people went to escape the lower classes. One afternoon, I got a call from one of the students in “the Pipe,” their Wednesday night youth group. “Hey, can you come to the meeting tonight? We’d love to have you there!”

I was beyond elated. Someone called me to come out. They wanted me out there.Me, worthless, stupid me. When my father got home from work, I told him in no uncertain terms that I had to go to church that night, for the Pipe. When I got there, people were friendly towards me. Then the meeting started. Eventually, one of the leaders came out playing “Sasha Cashachek,” a taunting (yet Christian) Russian femme fatale (it was 1986. Russians and Iranians were stock bad guys then) who was gloating that the Pipe wouldn’t make their ski trip. Eventually, we stopped for snacks, and a few people came up to me during the break.

“So we know you like to ski, and we’ve got a big weekend ski trip scheduled to (some shi shi place I can’t remember) in a month, but we need a few more people to help pay for it! Want to come?”

I told them that I’d already booked with my high school ski club on a trip to Killington, Vermont, and my dad was tapped.

“Oh.” No one talked to me as soon as I’d announced that. Not even a “goodbye” when I left.

Remember that scene in “A Christmas Story” when Ralphie learns that Little Orphan Annie’s important “secret message” was nothing more than an Ovaltine ad? I got the 80s church group version of it.

When I said no to the ski trip, I went back to either being invisible in that church group every Sunday (I never went to another Wednesday night meeting), or I existed only when I wore or did something worthy of social mockery. I never got an invite back to the Pipe.… After that, I shut down. I stopped trying.

Given that I’d taken to emotional avoidance since late childhood, I was used to it. I took jobs in college that kept me working Friday and Saturday nights, so I didn’t have to worry about feeling slighted from collegiate social events, and I always had an excuse when people felt crazy enough to ask me to do something. And as an adult, I became a hermit who spent most weekends alone, playing video games or working. I never kept friends because I didn’t think friends wanted to keep me around. I feel emotionally uncomfortable when people press me into social conversation…unless I’ve been drinking or that weird cluster of neurons has fired that say “we can trust this person Lighten up, badger.”

But I thought that things were going differently in the Triangle. I felt my guards dropping. I didn’t feel that “fuck! Fly now! Flee, fatass! Get small or invisible!” reflex when I talked to people.

So on January 1, 2018, I became aware of a New Years party via Twitter. I saw friends names. I saw friends pictures. And I didn’t even know about it. In a split second, I was caught off guard.

And I felt stupid. I felt like I’d been left out. Knowing that people there were talking about con plans, I had fears of another Furry Spring Break style coup. But most importantly I felt worthless, like I did in childhood and adolescence because I wasn’t good enough to get invited. I felt like I’d made inroads, that people liked me and wanted me around, and I felt foolish for letting my guards down. It was like finding out that the people at the Pipe only wanted me there to make a ski trip happen, and threw me aside as soon as I couldn’t help them do it.

So I made a nudging reply that my invitation must have been lost. I later vented because I felt like all I was good for was making the con happen. Then the messages started piling in…

“No one owes you anything!”

And they were right.

And that was my mistake. I own that. No one has to be my friend, and no one owes me a damned thing. I had thought that because we had bonded as a staff, because we had broken meals together at staff meetings, that I was more important than I was in the collective zeitgeist —namely, that I’d finally gone from beyond being the “creepy” guy to someone that people actually wanted to know and interact with. Again, my mistake.

As our event has grown, I’ve been mulling over the #FurryOver30 hashtag from Twitter—the reaction to an ageist movement that suggested that anyone over 30 should leave furry fandom. As of 2017, I’d been a formal part of the fandom for almost 24 years, and at 45 years old, I’d more than outlived my socially-decreed “time” by the claimants standards. Likewise, as I was pulling locals together to build this event, I remembered a friend telling me recently that I’d been described to him as “creepy” by at least one local furry in the early ‘10’s, before I stepped forward to begin building things. Despite groups in fandom who told me I didn’t belong, I actually felt like I did here—like I wasn’t just “buying” my way in by making a convention happen in the area.

I had gotten a little comfortable and let my guards down. I had thought that I’d had my “Bee Girl” moment and found my community, and that being excluded from the party was a harsh reality check. So I got angry on Twitter. I apologize for any assumptions made, and I assure folks that I’ll maintain my social distance as I keep looking for my “bee girl” moment elsewhere in the fandom.

For four days now, the people I've hurt told me how I disappointed them. That happens a lot, believe me. Just ask my parents for the last fourty-five years, so it's nothing new. If this is your first time, I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm not always going to be able to be the unflappable badger, or an unmoveable rock. I'm broken. I've been broken most of my life, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm on my way to being whole. Only to be reminded of just how very far I have to go. I'm not convinced I'll ever be whole? But I'm going to keep trying. And I'm hoping to keep trying with the those around me.

Once again, I apologize.

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comicteaparty · 6 years

Text

November 29th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on November 29th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST. The chat focused on Numb by Niina Eveliina Salmelin.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Numb by Niina Eveliina Salmelin~! (http://www.NiinaEveliina.com/numb/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

NiinaEveliina

Hi folks! I'm the author of Numb and actually managed to wake up and join in the chat. Looking forward for the discussion and trying to avoid spilling any spoilers (edited)

RebelVampire

glad to see you could make it~!

i think my favorite scene was perhaps the one in carl and the thief's...mind space for lack of a better phrase for it. i really enjoyed seeing the possession kind of presented as a physical dilemma of sorts and not something that just happened and carl was just gone. but i also liked the entire eeriness of it cause it really opened lots of question doors and set up that intense sense of yup, something definitely is wrong

mathtans

Hiyo, I'm here, though at a moment's notice I'll need to drop everything and help put the little one to bed. ^^ I also only managed to read to the end of Part 5 (so to the end of 2017).

Yeah, some good eerie scenes in general. Rebel, do you mean the bit where Carl was bricking up Carl behind the wall...?

Also, hello to author/artist.

RebelVampire

yes that scene

NiinaEveliina

Hello, glad you could make it!

Ohh the possession sequence was a real joy to do, with figuring out how to do the visuals for it.

mathtans

That was an interesting visual. As for me, three scenes kind of stand out, let's hope I remember these...

I liked the bit near the start when Carl was talking about Amy's imaginary friends. Partly because it made me think of my own daughter (still very wee, granted), and partly because something seemed to be happening in the background, some guy with a hood, and little things like that amuse me. Neat way to make possible exposition less boring.

Second scene that I thought was great, mostly for comedic value, was when Susan was leaving the hospital to have a smoke, and then her cigarette wasn't there - Levi had it. Because of Nikita. Nice sign of things being more than they seemed. Less violent than the vase too, subtle.

RebelVampire

in regards to the first scene i think the event that was going on in the bg was the woman getting possessed by the thief. or at least she looks very similar to the woman who later brings the thief to carl

mathtans

Rebel: Oh wow, good catch.

RebelVampire

i loved nikita's choice of trying to send susan a sign. cause that was hilarious and i wish wed seen what susan was thinking. did she think she was crazy? did she think levi was a weirdo? who knows

nikita is a great trickster though

i loved him freaking out those old ladies with their nasty gossip

NiinaEveliina

Yes, this is correct @RebelVampire. It's that kind of pretty vague hint that readers can spot on their second time. I love putting small things like that in stories

mathtans

I wonder if maybe Susan thought that she'd put the cigarette there, because who else could it have been, and then forgotten.

NiinaEveliina

That cigarette gave Susan hard time, for sure

mathtans

Oh YES, that scene with the ladies going off on that kid, and then just the image of them with their cups upended on them, that was great too.

I'd forgotten that one.

Here's the big one for me though. That scene with Susan at the bottom of the stairs, calling out to Carl. Where the blood underneath her kind of bled (literally?) into the shading of the stairs, and it was just red, and dialled the creepy factor up to 11 for me.

NiinaEveliina

I think it's safe for me to say my favourite part as well? Even though it's really hard to pick, it's gotta be the moment after Thief/Carls attack, where Levi and Nikita meet again. Nikita allows Levi to help him up. and there's a tiny bit of trust formed there, as they walk out the house together. (Also, a big part for me to love that moment was the fact that I was finally able to get Levi out of that hospital bed.)

mathtans

I'm not big on horror, but I'm not so bad with watching it, because usually I can mentally write off supernatural stuff as "not real". So I could appreciate the weird, eerie stuff up to that point, but it didn't make me flinch. But that bit with the stairs - and maybe it's because I kind of saw it coming during the confrontation - that was too real. Too much. Had to walk away from my binge for a few hours there. (I mean this in a good way.)

Niina: That was nice, yes. Levi was kind of at a crossroads there, and it's good that they were able to help each other out, even when Nikita brushed him off.

NiinaEveliina

Gossip grannies always manage to bring out a response out of people @mathtans This kind of stuff is really interesting to hear. I'm glad it was still a good kind of shock for you!

mathtans

Very effective use of colour, and maybe angles and such too.

NiinaEveliina

I'm big fan of horror, so I sometimes have to wonder when I do certain scenes: when it's too much. Hearing this kind of perspective is always good.

RebelVampire

yeah the color work whenever the basement became involved was really great. cause basements are creepy as is, so it was great to see them become as creepy as i expected. lthough i think what really dialed the creepiness up for me in that scene was susan calling out to carl that she thinks shes hurt. because at that point its such a no duh thing that susan's helplessnesss really sinks in. and nothing is more worrisome about the supernatural than the realization you cant do shit about it. Niina: I did enjoy that moment of bonding and understanding. Especially given that Nikita seems kind of stubborn and it was good to see him accept he needed help.

mathtans

One of those "okay, overloaded now" moments. Tough for me to say exactly why.

Rebel: Yeah, the calling out probably helped cement it too, now that you say that. In particular, that she thinks he might help. >.<

NiinaEveliina

I think what makes it horrific, is that Susan and Carl were so close, so there's no way she could have seen it coming. Just a 5 mins ago before thief arrived, Carl was just nagging and worrying about her.

mathtans

Since I don't read a lot of horror, I may not be your target audience either. It's tough for me to say what is or isn't too much there.

Funny thing too btw, I didn't really like Susan. Personal pet peeve about smoking, and she also seemed like something of a killjoy, or one who dishes things out but can't always take it when things turn back towards her novel.

But that death... damn, didn't deserve that. Felt bad.

RebelVampire

its okay math. im not the target audience either, though for the opposite reason. im so numb to it that things that should be scary im just like "seems like a normal tuesday to me." XD

mathtans

(Assuming it's a for sure death - I haven't gotten into the 2018 stuff yet. Maybe she's a ghost now.)

Oooh, title drop by Rebel.

RebelVampire

not even on purpose

missed opportunities

i will spoil it and say its a for sure death minus the ghost issue

which i wanna give props to that

so few stories actually kill someone off

to the point i lived in denial

and was like "nah susan is fine someone will get her help nobody ever dies"

NOPE

mathtans

There is that. Well, that's sad.

Should've died of cancer!

NiinaEveliina

I don't know (about the target audience thing), I find it really hard to put Numb in only horror category and see it more as a mixture of different genres. I'd like to think that all kind of readers will get something out of it. Of course, they have to be able to stomach those extreme scenes as well @mathtans hahaha!

mathtans

Yeah, it's not for sure horror. There's elements of fantasy too.

I'm bad for recognizing genres. Particularly with my own stuff.

RebelVampire

speaking of susan, though, i can see where shed be irritating. but man did carl's nagging about her book feel so relateable because writing is hard and somedays you just want to think nothing about book writing

QUESTION 2. Many of the supernatural events are driven by the appearance of the “thief.” Who or what do you think the thief is? Why is the thief continually transferring bodies? Additionally, what is the thief even running from so desperately? What does this have to do with all the voices, including Tim’s, that Carl hears when he becomes possessed? What do you think the thief’s end goal is? How do you think the thief was able to touch Nikita, and why did the thief seem so sure Nikita was going to hurt it? Also, how are Nikita and the thief connected, if at all? Lastly, do you think Carl will recover from the thief’s possession, or is he forever doomed?

chateaugrief

hello thursday book clubbers! Hi @NiinaEveliina I really enjoyed reading your comic! regarding 'extreme scenes' do you really think that the scenes from numb were extreme? what's everyones opinion on level of blood violence?

mathtans

Also, Levi's apartment and stuff for Susan issues. Though apparently she writes well, according to Nikita.

NiinaEveliina

@mathtans It's fun to see that perspective on Susan! To me her smoking was actually really important. In my childhood most of my family, friends and people around me were heavy smokers. Still they were the ones to tell me hardest "never you start ok" and I actually never have smoked a cig in my life, probably because of those smokey lungs were so much against it, ironically So there's something very nostalgic about her to me.

mathtans

I didn't have an issue with the blood. But it's not really a squick for me, and I wonder if watercolours mutes it a bit?

chateaugrief

I'd agree with mathtans that the abstraction of the art really created a bit of distance for me from the horror elements, muted it a bit perhaps?

mathtans

Niina: That's neat background info! Yeah, my family has some history of asthma and I have an allergy to smoke in particular. So I'm prejudiced against smokers. Nothing personal.

I'm not sure if it distanced me from the horror, just the violence.

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief I'd say the overall themes are pretty heavy and the obvious scenes like throwing Sue down the stairwell and Nikita getting knife'd. From the audience reactions, I'd say those would be the most 'gorey'. @mathtans yeah, all good :)

chateaugrief

good point, there was still major suspense

RebelVampire

id say the scenes in numb were still pretty extreme though, but thats in comparison to contemporary webcomics. and a good majority of "horror" webcomics are actually real mild in comparison. but thats just my opinion and based solely on my reading repitoire, and horror is hard to come by in webcomics in general unless you go looking for it.

mathtans

Regarding the latest question, not quite sure about thief's origins, assuming it's only one person - because I'm pretty sure Tim merged with the thief. Remember how Levi remembered that Tim had changed a bunch before he died? I think there's something to that.

RebelVampire

yeah, im 100% aboard the tim got possessed train

it is the most logical sense

NiinaEveliina

And I gotta say I'm happy that the visuals have been there to distance people from the violence. Because I never wanted Numb to be that kind of shock violence, in-your-face kind of mess. So it was my aim to find balance between the extreme nature of the violence but still keeping it, you know, tasteful.

chateaugrief

that's interesting, @RebelVampire because i've seen a lot of creators tag stuff with the tiniest bit of blood as mature, even in a non-violent context. I didn't think Numb was particularly gory, despite the scenes mentioned. The framing of the shots made them practically happen offscreen...which only heightened that suspense and atmosphere. Was very well done I thought

mathtans

Yeah, some of the framing was pretty well done. Like in the scenes where Carl has the knife.

chateaugrief

yes, those eyes staring out of the blacked out face!

mathtans

So Tim merged with the thief... is he a part of thief now then? Or did he kill himself to try and get away, and is now part of a band of ghosts trying to take thief down? I'm not clear whose side he's on.(edited)

NiinaEveliina

I better keep my mouth shut while the Thief talk, this is very interesting to follow

RebelVampire

nah i wouldnt say it was gory at all, but it was extreme in other ways which is why id still label it as extreme. becuase suspense can do a lot to make mild gore feel extreme. and more the issue with numb is it was realistic. because susan's death was something that could happen to anyone. so gory? definitely not. but extreme in the sense that it would unsettle ppl a lot and probably require a mature tag, yes probably. but again, specification this is compared to contemporary webcomics

if we start including other mediums its super duper mild

NiinaEveliina

@RebelVampire This is very true

mathtans

I mostly just read webcomics for this chat. I don't know what's mainstream.

chateaugrief

i'm such a newbie to webcomics that I probably take my expectations from other mediums. why I'm here, I want to learn.

RebelVampire

no time like the present to get started.

i feel like tim merged with the thief? like i kind of dont feel like you escape the thief once it possesses you

chateaugrief

so @NiinaEveliina how did you decide on the style of art that you chose?

RebelVampire

more likely i think levi mightve killed tim in self defense or something?

so tim is stuck forever

💩💩💩YY 💩💩💩

So I've only gotten to the point where Levi is in the hospital and he claims that there was someone there on the street. 9v9llll And I'm already quaking in mah boots. OH MAN... hides in non-existent sheets

mathtans

Maybe thief is a soul fleeing the grim reaper... except Nikita told Susan to move away from the voices after death, and she'd be fine. So maybe thief is the grim reaper, gone a bit off in the head?

RebelVampire

i kind of get the impression that the thief is an escapee, like the thief escaped a larger entity or escaped death itself. and now its on the run trying to avoid death

cause death sucks

who wants to be dead

nobody

thats who

💩💩💩YY 💩💩💩

This silly bean was not expecting this and now I'm not sure if I have the guts to continue. ; V ; slowly clicks next page

mathtans

Rebel: Oh, maybe. I hadn't considered that (the self defense). Fun fact, it occurred to me that Levi indirectly killed Susan. Because if he hadn't delayed her with his talk about Nikita, she would've left the house to look for Amy, rather than getting locked in by Carl.(edited)

chateaugrief

that was one of the funniest moments when Nikita says 'will you trust me if I tell you that dying is bad and you don't want to be dead'. (edited)

mathtans

Y'know who sucks? Thief. Death seems like the better alternative.

Cuz thief tries to be charming and stuff, then pushes your friends down a flight of stairs.

Going back to chateau's remark, yeah, watercolours is an interesting medium. I think we've only had one other webcomic here that uses them.

chateaugrief

i've seen a lot of webcomics that use digital media that's made to look like watercolor though. It's quite a beautiful look done well!

RebelVampire

man that moment with nikita telling susan about death really sticks to me now that i know susan be dead for real. cause the entire time i was like "this is strange advice for a character who isnt going to die."

and then the death was real

so now im like "great and depressing advice there nikita"

as another thief theory, i think the thief continually is transferring bodies to get rid of the voices of all the souls its kind of absorbed along its travels, but ironically the more it transfers the mroe souls it gathers

a tragic cycle

mathtans

That's a great theory. Snake eating it's own tail sort of thing.

chateaugrief

it did appear to absorb souls didn't it? I just realized that

incidentally, I found that listing the characters for every page was Super Useful for me as a new reader to keep everyone semi-straight in my head. Kudos

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief I decided the artstyle based on what I wanted to learn to do basically. I was terrible with watercolors/colors in general, and knew that if I used those in Numb, I'd HAD to learn them eventually Of course now they play such a big role in the comic, I cant even imagine numb without color anymore. Otherwise the cartoony/mangaish mishmash style was chosen because it allows me to really have fun with character expressions and go wild with them. I also take lot of inspiration from animation, and wanted to give a sense of movement to the characters with my best ability.

mathtans

Related to thief, I wonder what the deal is with the wheat field.

RebelVampire

the wheat field seems related to death in some way? cause it conveniently showed up when susan died

so maybe its the grim reaper?

chateaugrief

@NiinaEveliina thank you so much for choosing color. I have to thank every comic creator who goes the extra mile and uses color. It's hard, but it's so worth it! Really makes the story pop. How could those pages with the blood look half as good in black and white?

RebelVampire

or the bad grim reaper

chateaugrief

grain reaper

mathtans

You win the evening with that comment.

NiinaEveliina

hahaha

Superjustinbros

Hey there!

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief heck yea, color all the way!

Superjustinbros

Hope I'm not too late.

NiinaEveliina

Hi!

Superjustinbros

Hello!

chateaugrief

back on the character styles being a mix of manga and western, I thought that was a very interesting balance, I tend to prefer western style so that's what I saw...but now thinking about it I can see the influence of both. Interesting line to walk!

NiinaEveliina

tbh, all these thief, nikita's advice and the field theories are making my day

Superjustinbros

Manga/western mixes are perhaps one of my favorites so it's always good to see works that adapt to that style~

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief Theres a big blend probably because my childhood influences came from all directions, western, euro and japanese comic were all around from an really early age, so they have fused together in my style I think

chateaugrief

@NiinaEveliina any works that you consider to have particularly inspired you?

mathtans

Maybe when thief started out, they didn't possess people. Hence hanging around in forests as a disembodied voice. Maybe the people thing is more recent.

Maybe it's something Tim did.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Nikita is perhaps the most mysterious individual in the story. How do you think Nikita became a ghost (or whatever you think he is)? How long do you think he’s been that way? What might it have to do with what he told Susan after he found her injured? Why do you think Nikita has been avoiding Levi since the incident at Carl’s house? Is it fear or is Nikita just still mad about Levi’s dealings with everyone? In the comic, we also see some of Nikita’s life. What do you think happened to Nikita’s dad and mom given the medicine both seem to require? Who is Misha, and why did it cause Nikita’s mom to have a temporary meltdown? What do you think happened with Nikita’s relationship with Julia, whether in the past or in the current timeline?

thats an interesting thought that tim did something

maybe tim was the first

started the whole chain

chateaugrief

sounds plausible. I'm not to the part where we see nikita's backstory yet...at least I don't think I was

mathtans

Tim performed a ritual. Bad Tim.

chateaugrief

I was curious as to why Nikita just 'dropped Levi as a friend' after being friendly to him. I didn't understand why he did it. It felt like Nikita overreacted to whatever it was Levi said, and i couldnt' see why.

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief Donald Duck stories from the great Carl Barks and Don Rosa, Bone from Jeff Smith, Battle Angel Alita, Rumiko Takashi's work and Sandman are the first few comics that pop to my mind. The list is endless There's also huge influence from films on numb. Old italian horror films such as Suspiria and the beyond are great examples, especially for the trippy visuals.

mathtans

Here's one thing I wondered about Nikita and his interactions. When he threw the vase, it was like there wasn't a vase in the room. When he spilled the chess pieces, the guy thought he hadn't brought them. Can Nikita actually destroy our reality? Or are our brains that desperate to think of explanations for the stuff he does?

Levi has issues. Don't want them to rub off. ^^

chateaugrief

@NiinaEveliina ah .... some one's I've seen and some I haven't. I'll be sure to check them out

RebelVampire

i think its the latter, that our brains reject the supernatural so hard core we invent whatever seems the most logical to compensate.

cause susan especially seems that type

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief I swear the list changes every time I'm asked, there's just so many :D

RebelVampire

who will pick any reason that does not include the supernatural

mathtans

OH. Just thought of something. Carl could see Nikita. Tim could see things too, and possibly Amy. Maybe thief can only possess people who can see things like Nikita. Might be why he never tried for Susan.

The only way to protect yourself is not to believe.

RebelVampire

i suppose thats possible, although we have an immensely small sample size

and couldnt carl only see nikita after he was possessed?

mathtans

Carl gave Nikita an apple in an early scene.

But yeah, not necessarily enough people to draw conclusions.

RebelVampire

i dont remember this. i remember carl giving an apple to the lady that was possessed by the thief

mathtans

Oh, was it the lady? Maybe I got crossed up. It was the first time we saw Nikita, outside the hospital?

RebelVampire

http://www.NiinaEveliina.com/numb/comic/chapter-1-25-2/

mathtans

Ah, you're right, wires got crossed. We saw that apple later, and it was kind of rotten, so that makes sense too.

RebelVampire

on a side note, i enjoyed thief!carl punching nikita. cause the look on nikita's face was priceless. not that i cheer for his pain, but man was that a great expression because he didnt expect it at all

mathtans

True that.

I wonder if being in the proximity of death made him visible and corporeal to everyone. That's why Susan could see him.

RebelVampire

i think more likely the thief was special and susan was the one whose dyingness made her able to see him

since the topic of nikita and levi's relationship was brought up, i feel like nikita is just slow to trust and i feel like hes been a ghost long enough that hes not as used to having to tell ppl where hes going and such

chateaugrief

speaking of punching Nikita...he was a ghost right? do ghosts bleed? perhaps the punch made him non spectral?

punched straight out of the afterlife.

RebelVampire

i feel like it did make him non spectral

although im really curious about whether or not he couldve actually died again

mathtans

Maybe Nikita's having issues as a ghost, because he can't take his meds any more. Gets harder and harder to talk to people.

I feel like it might've been worse than death. Even after the wounds "healed", Nikita said it still hurt.

chateaugrief

only thing creepier than a ghost is a ghost obsessively swallowing adhd meds

NiinaEveliina

punched straight out of the afterlife... just to get stabbed. No wonder he's salty(edited)

mathtans

"One Punch Carl".

chateaugrief

Carl was the boss. I liked his character. Susan was a bit hard on him, seemed to see criticism from him at every turn, but I felt like it was genuine concern coming from him.

I could be confusing Susan with the other girl....

RebelVampire

i see both sides of the carl susan relationship. cause im sure his concern was genuine, but at the same time i also understand how concern eventually becomes nagging

ya know who really got the short end of the stick in all this story though?

amy

amy basically has little to no agency

and all this bad shit keeps happening

and everyone is lying to her

mathtans

I do shake my head at the one Carl scene. Where his daughter, who's already established as someone who maybe skips classes, talks about going into the woods. And Carl's like, "yeah, don't do that, okay go out to the bus now". Like, maybe watch her board the bus? What did you have to do that was so important?

RebelVampire

about whats going on

chateaugrief

yes that was the other girl! couldn't remember her name she had so little agency

mathtans

Yeah, Amy's imaginary friends even gave themselves up for her.

chateaugrief

poor girl, she was trying

mathtans

I'm really bad with names, usually. Not sure why I haven't tripped up yet. Maybe it's the reasonably sized cast?

Or the tags.

chateaugrief

I really liked the tags

but I only discovered they were there at about chapter 3

it really cleared up the characters a bit for me, but i'm kinda fuzzy on some of them

RebelVampire

math you havent even gotten to the sadder part with the imaginary friends XD

that broke my heart a bit for them

cause tbf they probably arent imaginary

mathtans

Oh noes. O.o

I wondered about that.

RebelVampire

but that is debateable tbf

i dont think theyre imaginary though

mathtans

Okay, we haven't had enough crazy theories yet. So, Nikita's dad is really also Tim's dad. They're half brothers. Boom!

RebelVampire

cuse if they are amy is super creative and has way better designed imaginary friends then i ever did

chateaugrief

......O.O.......

mathtans

tbf I think Amy is super creative. She was trying to do drawings and stuff. (Though she may be creative but not have art skill.)

chateaugrief

and she was very young, she was definitely trying. She's not dead yet is she? plenty of room for character development

mathtans

Also, she's adopted. Boom! shrugs

RebelVampire

amy definitely isnt dead

yet

QUESTION 4. Levi has his own mysteries and problems going on, past and present. What do you think happened between him, Susan, and Tim given certain flashbacks we’ve seen? What do you think Levi and Tim saw that day in the woods, and why were only Levi and Tim able to see it? Why did Levi lie to dream Susan about not seeing Tim sometimes in his dreams? In other words, what is Levi emotionally avoiding? Do you think that Levi will be able to get over what happened at Carl’s house? Also, do you believe that he will be able to help Amy? What about Kiwi who seems to have known Nikita and who is now Amy’s roommate? Finally, do you believe Levi is safe from the thief, or are the two destined to encounter each other again?

chateaugrief

Nyarlathotep

is the dad

mathtans

Levi and Tim seemed to see an opening, if memory serves?

Also, Levi seems to have trust issues. Like, he doesn't seem to think anyone will believe him. Including himself, maybe.

RebelVampire

i think levi is more afraid of being alone and ostracized

that is the impression i get from him

which is why he does what he must to fit in with the club

mathtans

Actually, Tim was always Levi's imaginary friend. Levi believed so hard that Susan could see Tim too.

Yeah, he doesn't want to be alone, I can see that.

RebelVampire

im still gonna go with the levi hurt tim in self defense when tim went psycho possessed. and that in turn tore the group apart cause nobody wanted to talk about what happened.

that would be an amazing twist for tim

mathtans

What if Levi actually was the first one possessed by thief. And it ended up going to Tim. And that's why Levi has abandonment issues.

I can't tell if I'm doing crazy theories or normal ones.

RebelVampire

i think that one still qualifies as crazy but i mean its not implausible

chateaugrief

I really don't have enough info to make theories.... these sound good. I could go with any of these

mathtans

Do we know much about Carl's wife?

RebelVampire

no but i assume dead

because youre not to the part but they send amy to an orphanage

because they cant get in contact with any other relatives

mathtans

Gotcha. Wondered if Levi knew her in some way. Not sure if it's connected.

RebelVampire

idk

tbh ive really been trying to figure out how carl knows them and what the nature of their relationship is

cause carl has like 10 to 20 years on them

mathtans

Yeah. School related? Carl's job?

RebelVampire

and im not sure if this is like one of those small town where everyone just knows everyone

mathtans

Anyway, you'll have to theorize without me. Time to put little one to bed.

chateaugrief

i wondered about that, Carl looks about 50, so were the levi/susan crowd about in their 20's or perhaps late teens?

RebelVampire

ok. thanks for coming, math~!

levi is apparently late 20s and susan early 30s

by their cast pages

NiinaEveliina

@mathtans thanks for joining the chat and giving numb a change despite not being such a horror fan!

chateaugrief

I may have been thrown off by the lack of visible employment by the levi/susans, though maybe I just missed that. I've got to learn to slow down when i read webcomics. There's such a temptation to go so fast!

NiinaEveliina

The ages are pretty vague, because I don't want to forget and then conflict myself later, but it wouldn't be much of a spoiler to give a little background on Carl and Susan (I think it's on their cast info pages as well so it's not a spoiler even) but Carl was a family friend to Susans parents, who were working a lot and going abroad, so Carl looked after Susan a lot, and is basically her father figure. Carl knows Levi and Tim through Susan, since those three were childhood pals.

chateaugrief

that makes sense, it makes sense of the character dynamics too.

RebelVampire

ok that does add more context and makes more sense. and also explains why carl keeps nagging susan like a dad

or kept

cause susans dead

and carl is close to dead

now im sad

chateaugrief

pretty unlucky family, perhaps a familial curse?

RebelVampire

i just hope amy is not next on this path of death and destruction

chateaugrief

now that susan's dead I'm going to have to adjust my feelings on who is the protagonist of the story. I would have said her over Levi, but I guess it's all up to Levi now.

NiinaEveliina

Being amy is suffering

chateaugrief

Speaking of protagonists and plots and stuff @NiinaEveliina do you have a completed plot/script for this comic or are you more freeform making it up in episodes as they come?

RebelVampire

i always felt levi was the protagonist, though susan was a main character for sure. but susan seemed to have a smidgen less agency than levi in terms of who the protagonist is.

NiinaEveliina

@chateaugrief Everything is on my head, as I'm dreadful at actually writing things down, but the whole story has a script/plot that I follow. But I'm open with it in a way that I know what will happen, but HOW it will happen is free to change if the story seems to drift more to other way. As I have done this comic further, I learn to know the characters more, so some actions I planned for them may not make sense anymore, or just that they would go about it differently. Those kind of things may change.

I have vague idea how many pages the story will need, but as I do chapters, I don't have set page number for them. (that's something I will start using on my next project after numb, but with Numb I'm gonna roll with the flow)

chateaugrief

I always wonder about the page numbering thing because of the strict expectations with print form comics on page counts and things, at least in American comics. It always sounded very hard to structure your story around pages that way

NiinaEveliina

Yeah, but I can see the perks in that too. Helps you to trim down the story and keep on track with things.

chateaugrief

that's something I really should ask, you use some very complicated page layouts, and I think they flow quite well. How do you plan your pages, do you begin with the panel structure and fit your story to the panels or what?

choosing panel structures has always been mysterious to me

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Niina Eveliina Salmelin, as well, for making Numb. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Niina Eveliina Salmelin’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://www.NiinaEveliina.com/numb/

Niina’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/A3202ONF

Niina’s Redbubble: https://www.redbubble.com/people/Speardog?asc=u

Niina’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/NSalmelin

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Pin Porter Girl Detective by Robin Gee and Ethan Bartlett. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, December 6th, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: http://pinporterdetective.com/

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #numb #niina eveliina salmelin

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comicteaparty · 6 years

Text

September 6th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on September 6th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PDT. The chat focused on MORBIDITY by Charu.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing MORBIDITY by Charu~! (https://tapas.io/series/MORBIDITY)

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Superjustinbros

Ello!

RebelVampire

good day, SJ

Superjustinbros

Good day to you as well

RebelVampire

lets see, i think not so much a full scene, but one of my favorite moments is when Yuuto asks Keagan why Keagan let him in if Keagan doesn't recognize him. and keagan just has the best expression while saying he wonders himself. it was such a great insert of comedy in that moment that i couldnt help but laugh. i also think it was kind of a great showcase for keagan's personality as well

Superjustinbros

https://tapas.io/episode/1111726 I dunno why but I got a bit of a chuckle out of this scene

With how... sudden the tone changed

RebelVampire

i do enjoy how confused keagan looks in this part. i like the sense of ominous with that broken piece on the plant though. it screams with beautiful foreshadowing i hope at least.

Superjustinbros

Yeah

RebelVampire

ive also been enjoying how the recent chapter has been going. mostly with how its framed in that we never really get to see who i assume is ryo really. its focused on keagan and i like that it makes ryo seem a tad more mysterious

saetje

My favorite scene is definitely near the end of the content where Ryo starts freaking out/getting corrupted. I think it’s at that point we’re getting a sort of taste for a mood shift that’s going to be happening

Superjustinbros

I couldn't think of a good way to mention that little... episode earlier

but it definitely seems strange(edited)

saetje

I also agree I like that ryo is only seen through Keegan’s eyes right now. Solely focusing on Keegan’s perspective leaves ryo on a pedestal currently. I have a feeling we’re going to learn more about ryo later, but it’s smart to start us off through Kaegan’s eyes

RebelVampire

i like how with the whole mood shift that ryo was super accurate in that he was spoiling the mood. i particularly loved when yuuto caught up to ryo cause at that point just the sheer imagery and what was going on made me feel that the situation was truly dangerous

mathtans

I made it. ^^ Rebel, I liked that same scene, where Yuuto then remarks on how it's good he's trustworthy or whatnot.

Superjustinbros

MATH

mathtans

I didn't even notice the planet, whoa.

Hi all!

Superjustinbros

The end of the chapter looks like the start of some kind of crazy creepypasta(edited)

mathtans

Yuuto's attitude in general is pretty fun in my mind (okay if I play games?) but it definitely took a turn with the reactions towards the end. I think he didn't do his research on Keagan.

RebelVampire

haha it does kind of have a creepypasta vibe. i can picture the reddit thread for r/nosleep now. XD

to be fair to yuuto its been like 16 years so ryo would be a poor source of keagan info and maybe keagan is an internet hermit who doesnt even have facebook

saetje

I think it’s an interesting thought that kaegan’s attachment to Ryo is a little selfish. It seems as though it’s literally tethering Ryo’s ghost from moving on and putting his spirit (and others?) in danger, as well as ruining kaegan’s own relationships and life. Kaegan does seem quite overly obsessed(edited)

mathtans

It's possible. I wonder if Ryo was paying more attention to Keagan for a long time (either of his own volition or not) and only recently got his brother involved... then Yuuto didn't realize how bad things were.

seatje: Agreed. I wonder if maybe he was partly responsible for Ryo's death.

saetje

Oh that’s an interesting thought, math!

RebelVampire

yeah tbh i adore how grey it is. cause you could make an argument equally as valid in saying its selfish for ryo to ask keagan to move on. and i love that cause its what makes the conflict complicated and complex. cause there isnt one right answer cause you just cant make ppl feel things you want to feel at the drop of a hat.

saetje

So true

mathtans

I can't think of another good reason why he'd obsess that much. Even if they were lovers (which is kind of implied), I figure there has to be more to it...?

Yup, humans are a complex mess.

RebelVampire

nah they werent lovers cause huge age diff. i think the summary says it was a one-sided crush.

Superjustinbros

Right they are, math

RebelVampire

so theres def something fishy going on here

mathtans

I'm actually kind of reminded of a serial I wrote on a similar topic, which occurred to me as I was reading too. It's a good theme to build on.

saetje

I’m a little confused by the timeline- was kaegan young and just had a crush on an older ryo or did they get to a point of being consenting lovers?

Oh! Rebel answered

mathtans

Rebel: Ahh, good point, missed that. Guess I jumped to conclusions given the circumstances of when we first heard the name.

RebelVampire

“Nine year old Keagan had a onesided crush on eightteen year old Ryo. Then, Ryo died. Nearly sixteen years later Ryo's little brother Yuuto comes into Keagan's life to tell him to "get over Ryo's death".”

just so everyone can be on the same page

Superjustinbros

Thanks, Rebel.

RebelVampire

i take the implication to be that ryo died when keagan was 9

saetje

Okay, there you go! Thank you

RebelVampire

which man, props to keagan for A+ memory. i barely remember anything from when i was 9 XD

mathtans

Could still have been somewhat responsible though, even if young.

I barely remember things from last week sometimes. O.o

Superjustinbros

I remember a lot of things from my childhood

just saying

I practically remember how all the rooms in my house looked when I was that age

saetje

I was just thinking that, ha. Sixteen years is a long time to hold onto something, especially from childhood in such a strong way. But I guess it was also such a traumatic event for him, which tends to stick more too

Superjustinbros

and how my schools looked at the time I attended.

RebelVampire

yeah i guess if were being fair id have remembered a traumatic death. but it implies super closeness i think that goes beyond a one-sided crush. so theres definitely more to see there

QUESTION 2. While it’s clear that Keagan and Ryo had past history, a lot is left to question. How do you believe Keagan and Ryo met, especially considering their age difference? Why do you think Keagan crushed so hard on Ryo despite the age difference between them? Do you think the attachment to Ryo was born purely out of affection, or do you think there’s more to Keagan’s past that explains the attachment? Do you think the way Ryo died has something to do with why Keagan can’t move forward? Or is it something in general perhaps about Keagan’s past history with Ryo? Lastly, why do you think Keagan remembers Ryo so well but seems completely clueless about Yuuto?

gives self A+ for beautiful segway

mathtans

Or segue, even.

saetje

Oh that’s true- how could he not know yuuto?

mathtans

Maybe Yuuto's a half-brother?

saetje

I have a thought that yuuto may be a trans man? So perhaps he transitioned and presented as a girl on the past?

Superjustinbros

I wonder, if Ryo didn't die, would Keagan find it more easy to move forward?

mathtans

Yuuto's also younger, so maybe Ryo left home at 16 or something and didn't talk about his family.

saetje

Just feels as though the artist is fairly good at drawing anatomy of all sexes, not shying away from lgbt content, and yuuto seems intentionally more slender and androgynous. But it’s just a passing thought/hunch , I could be wrong

mathtans

On the topic of how they met... maybe they met online first? Or through some sort of spiritual connection? That could also explain the difficulty in letting go.

saetje

Yeah it’s also possible he never met Yuuto?

Superjustinbros

What was technology like back when Keagan was younger

I wonder

mathtans

Saeje: Could be, I guess based on some of the Q&A stuff I just see him as a guy with his own style.

Superjustinbros

Cause when I was that age the internet was like, brand new

mathtans

That who never met Yuuto, Keagan or Ryo himself?

saetje

Ah, I tend to skim q&a stuff so it’s possible I missed some key character insights

RebelVampire

dont discount the trans theory. never impossible. and i assume theyre following our time line so internet was probably like it was 16 years ago.

i feel like keagan must of met yuuto tho

just cause yuuto showed up thinking keagan would obviously know him somehow

and if they never met there is no reason for yuuto to assume that

and in all honesty it seems most likely that keagan met ryo through yuuto

just cause yuuto and keagan seem closer in age maybe

mathtans

I guess I just assumed that the "would obviously know" part came from the fact that if you're obsessing over a guy for 15+ years, you'd look into his family. Come to think, maybe they met at the funeral and Keegan simply doesn't recall that.

Assuming that there was a funeral, and it's not a case of Ryo's body vanishing after being murdered by an evil demon that Keagan unleashed upon the world.

saetje

just found this on the 'q&a' section, but might not be canon:(edited)

mathtans

(Oh no, new channel, I can't do my trolling face...)

Superjustinbros

Dawwww!!!

saetje

so I'm probably wrong aaand! I guess they did know each other, but it's just likely Kaegan didn't recognize him right away. I mean his style did change quite a lot

mathtans

Right, I saw that, I guess I didn't immediately think it was an actual photo as much as an artist rendering.

RebelVampire

ah yeah i was just gonna point that image out from the Q&A!

mathtans

Yuuto dyes the hair now.

Superjustinbros

well people do change a lot when they age

mathtans

I wonder if he went into the practice in part because of whatever happened to Ryo.

Maybe it used to be Ryo's thing.

Now gotta pick up the slack in the family.

RebelVampire

yeah to be fair if yuuto and keagan lost contact, of course he probably doesnt recognize yuuto after 16 years old.

Superjustinbros

Exactly

saetje

yeah

RebelVampire

and yuuto is silly in retrospect to expect that. but hard to say what the nature of the relationship was

maybe keagan and yuuto were bestest friends, yuuto introduced keagan to ryo, and then keagan was like "who are you im busy crushing on this cool older fellow"

saetje

It's not improbable they (kaegan and yuuto) were friends first, and Kaegan just crushed real bad on the older brother, which would also make sense why it was so one-sided but they would also be hanging out (as he was probably hanging out with/chaperoning his little brother, and consequently his little brother's friends as well)(edited)

mathtans

Maybe it's something a bit more supernatural. Like, Keagan tried some sort of "forget" spell on Ryo but it backfired so much that he forgot Yuuto instead.

RebelVampire

thatd be tragic, tho would be more likely itd be yuuto doing the spell casting.

albeit to this notion of keagan and yuuto being friends, we dont really see yuuto in the flashbacks so far so its also possible something else was going on. like ryo was keagan's tutor or something

im gonna go out on a limb and suspect that keagan did not have a happy home life

and thus the attachment to ryo cause ryo was an adult who was showing him kindness

mathtans

That's a very good thought.

Interesting how in the bit of flashback we've seen, Ryo is trying to get Keagan to skate on his own, metaphor for life?

Superjustinbros

Oh yea

That would traumatize someone, seeing an adult that they once loved died

RebelVampire

oh ya know what, i wasnt even reading that scene metaphorically. good catch, math~!

metaphorically i certainly is very telling of what keagan is feeling

mathtans

Seems like even back then, before Ryo died, Keagan had issues. Tied in with your unhappy home life thing.

Superjustinbros

RebelVampire

but im just taking a stab in the dark tbf. i just feel like theres gotta be more than one-sided crush. and that ryo's death is tied up in personal demons

albeit you could be right that keagan somehow caused ryo's death

mathtans

Keagan introduced the cat, not knowing about the deadly cat allergy.

RebelVampire

has it been stated how ryo died?

mathtans

If so, I missed it.

I just offer up my crazy theories.

RebelVampire

i dont recall either so how ryo died could have a lot to do with things even if keagan didnt cause it

QUESTION 3. The entire plot of the comic is essentially based around one question: will Keagan be able to move on from Ryo? What do you think is holding Keagan back exactly? Is it fear of the future without Ryo, true love, or some sort of inner demon? Do you think Keagan is sincere when he says he has tried to move on, or do you suspect self-sabotage? Even if Keagan gets over Ryo, do you think Ryo will successfully be able to move on? How do you even think Keagan might get over Ryo? Also, what do you think Yuuto and/or Suzy’s role if any might be in helping him move forward? Finally, do you have any theories in general for future events of the comic?

mathtans

I feel like it's one of those things where after you move on, you're worried you'll forget details... which is true enough. But Keagan's got himself so tied up in it that he might forget things about himself. I don't know that it's anything external.

RebelVampire

oh ya know what, i never thought of it from that perspective. that he doesnt want to move on cause hes afraid of all the memories vanishing in the breeze

mathtans

Also, I think Keagan might have tried to move on in the past, but after it didn't work a couple times he just goes through the motions now to appease others around him.

Not just memories of Ryo, but memories of how happy he was back then. Maybe the happiest he'd ever been?

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

Then again it can be hard to move on form something

and even if you do, memories of what happened can still haunt you(edited)

RebelVampire

tbf this makes me reconsider that maybe keagan's attachment is not bred from a bad past, but a lackluster present.

Superjustinbros

That could be the case

RebelVampire

in that maybe keagan has continually had life issues that have made him cling to that happiness

like what does keagan do for a living even O_O maybe he missed out on dat dream job

mathtans

Could be a bit of both.

Maybe he's an insurance salesman.

"Please buy this life insurance... I have this whole story about how sad people will be if you die..."

RebelVampire

spirit insurance. if only yuuto had come to him sooner, yuuto couldve gotten ryo's spirit state ensured. yuuto is gonna miss out on that sweat afterlife policy money now

in regards to keagan's sincerity in trying to move on, i actually think it was subconscious self-sabotage. so in that he was doing everything he was told mentally and physically, but there was that small tiny part of his brain continually whispering how nothing would ever be right again without ryo

mathtans

Which reminds me, I wonder where Yuuto had to go to get the stone.

There probably was some self-sabotage, or at least Ryo seemed keen on calling him on that.

Maybe Yuuto was guided to find the stone by Ryo...? Wait, no, because Ryo didn't even think it would work. We're not sure what any of their day jobs are, are we?

RebelVampire

well yuuto said he was a spirit medium. albeit doesnt mean thats a career technically speaking. idk if being a spirit medium can pay these days without people staring and accusing you of being a fraud. or ya know if you get a reality tv show.

cleary the entire comic is just a tv show hoax so yuuto can become the most prolific spirit medium on tv

mathtans

A spirit medium's rare.

He seems to know what he's doing though. I wonder if Ryo sought him out for that reason, or if it's just a freebie for the family.

Superjustinbros

Now that'd be quite a twist

RebelVampire

that or ryo just had nowhere to go. i mean its like theres much to do as a ghost i imagine

cause you cant touch things or anything

or talk to anyone

you just float around and look at stuff

but considering the cover to chapter 1, i will say that its not just keagan holding ryo back. cause ryo is clearly chained to both yuuto and keagan and i dont think yuuto has quite moved on himself.

mathtans

Oh, that's an interesting point with the visual. Does the chaining work both ways, I wonder, or is it a matter of Yuuto's moved on but is still linked to Ryo out of necessity?

Ghost karaoke might be pretty neat.

Superjustinbros

Poor Ryo :<

For real tho ghost karaoke sounds metal as heck(edited)

mathtans

As far as the future of the comic goes, I figure we'll see the results of a spirit being darkened somehow, either directly or in the history books or something.

RebelVampire

oooooh

did not consider that but i hope thats the case

that we actually get to see a vengeful spirit not ryo

cause i feel like keagan is the type who goes by the mantra seeing is believing

in the sense that yuuto will tell him, keagan will be like "suuuure"

and then vengeful spirit will be seen and keagan will be like "RYO NOOOOOO"

mathtans

"You see this building?" "No." "That's because a ghost KNOCKED IT DOWN." "Ahhhh!" ^.^

Do you think Ryo can see other spirits? Like, would have an idea of what's happening to himself? Or is it not obvious internally?

RebelVampire

idk about seeing other spirits but maybe? i do think ryo has some idea about whats happening to him tho. cause i get the impression that its not so much the spirit ceases to be themselves as it is that they become engulfed in their own emotional vengence and can think of nothing else

mathtans

Ryo: "Look, the ghost of Christmas Future."

RebelVampire

but dont quote me on that, cause theres a lot to be learned about spirits

mathtans

Ooh, emotional vengence is an interesting one... do you think Ryo might hurt Keagan? (And that Keagan would just totally take it?)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Events in the comic come about solely because of the actions of the mysterious Yuuto. Do you believe Yuuto’s motivations are purely to protect his brother’s spirit, or do you think he might be up to something else? How do you think Yuuto wound up becoming a spirit medium? Was it family tradition, a career choice for Yuuto to connect with spirits (and his brother by extension), or was it happenstance? Considering it’s been 16 years, why do you think Yuuto waited so long to come to Keagan? Did Ryo’s spirit only come to Yuuto’s attention recently, or did Yuuto feel no need to take action until Ryo was becoming a vengeful spirit? Additionally, why do you think Ryo has been stable as a spirit over all those years and is only now coming undone? What consequences would there be if Ryo became a vengeful spirit at the end?

RebelVampire

if ryo became of vengful spirit then yes

cause the vengful part implies vengence

and clearly the vengence is gonna be aimed at the ppl not letting you move on

Superjustinbros

Well it's part of the name

mathtans

Could just be aimed at humans in general. Or for that matter, at spirit mediums, maybe that's part of the reason Yuuto's motivated. Doesn't want ghosts messing up his profession.

RebelVampire

could be. it actually would also depend how mindful of vengful spirit is. cause if theyre driven by pure emotion than they might not be consciously able to target their hurt and just lash out at anyone

mathtans

Also, maybe Ryo hasn't been stable as a spirit over all those years? Maybe he was more etherial, and it's only in the last year or so that he's been able to manifest himself to Yuuto.

RebelVampire

that could be

Superjustinbros

Seems like that could be the case, @mathtans

He's never been stable cause he's had someone latching onto him for years

even in death

He can never escape affection

RebelVampire

or ya know, we have no idea how long yuuto has been a medium

maybe yuuto has literally been a medium for all of 2 weeks

and just happens to be smug about it XD

mathtans

He graduated from being a small last year.

Maybe he's not even the most powerful medium in town, just the one most connected? Keagan might seek out others for more information.

I wonder if Ryo can possess people, now that he's levelling up.

saetje

That would be scary

I’m interested to know how like a corrupted ghost like ryo could/will harm those around them

mathtans

Oh! Maybe Keagan is just a prognosticator, because Ryo is going to possess Suzy, and that's why he used the name at the start.

"I have foreseen this."

Superjustinbros

Guess this is gonig further into the idea that this story's gonna get a lot more creepier

mathtans

I think it can still be lighthearted though. In fact, that makes some of the other moments (a la Release Me) all the more eye opening.

Superjustinbros

Yea

good point

RebelVampire

possession would certainly be quite dangerous. though idk how that fulfills vengence. unless the plan is to possess keagan, spend all keagan's money, and then roll out

Superjustinbros

Christ

that's cold

mathtans

"I spent it all on potato chips."

Superjustinbros

I would totally do that

RebelVampire

if im going to assume yuuto is actually also chaining ryo to the mortal plane, i actually want to assume ryo has been around for a while and yuuto himself just didnt want to do anything about it. and was like "nah its fine well get you to move on soon bro lets spend time together." and only now when ryo is going crazy is yuuto like "oops"

but this begs a question suddenly

how the heck did they even know its keagan's fault?

like is there magic ghost senses going on here?

are they just visiting everyone who knew ryo and accusing them?

Superjustinbros

All this time I was thinking "who is this ghost boy just chilling around everyone" until I noticed it's Ryo

mathtans

I suppose I just figured that Ryo would know who was tying him down/thinking of him.

Given the need to have the stone, I don't think they'd be walking around semi-randomly.

I'm also not convinced that Yuuto is tying him down. Maybe he's just acting as an anchor, like, to keep you from getting pulled way over there to the dark places, hold onto a piece of me.

Superjustinbros

I can see that

mathtans

Though it could have morphed into something else over all this time.

Maybe even something neither of them see.

What with both of them wearing glasses.

Superjustinbros

Lol

mathtans

Actually, any comments on art style? I'm very bad for really noticing that stuff. Nice shading though?

Superjustinbros

It's got some good shading, I'll say.

Backgrounds aren't super detailed but that's alright since they're not the focus

https://tapas.io/episode/1089748 Though some of the more trippy ones like these are cool

mathtans

Spirit craziness.

Superjustinbros

Playing with spirits is some really trippy stuff

"What kind of drugs are you taking"

mathtans

That androgynous look that sae brought up is a good point too; I can see it, but Yuuto still comes across as male (and in the genderbend art for q&a as female).

RebelVampire

visually i think the comic stands out most when the tone shifts to the creepy. cause thats when the effects really are A+ and just capture that nice unsettling feel

Superjustinbros

Exactly

saetje

I think the art is pretty good! Artist has a good eye for anatomy, I appreciate the character designs.

I agree the art style is neat when it gets creepy

Superjustinbros

Anatomy especially

Plus the creepy stuff is out of place that it can surprise the viewer when comparing it to the comic's normal art

saetje

Yeah, they vary their body types and really understand anatomy! Very solid character construction

Superjustinbros

Indeed

saetje

Ohh yeah good point Superjustinbros

It sort of gives this vibe of duality

Superjustinbros

Indeed

Like you got a normal world

and a creepy spiritual one

like dimensional rifts between two universes that don 't belong

saetje

Yeah!

mathtans

I liked seeing how some of the character designs shifted in the behind the scenes stuff.

As for my usual shipping thoughts.... hmmm... Suzy and Yuuto? He did feel bad for her. ^.-

saetje

He also seemed to check her out walking up the stairs

RebelVampire

i do hope suzy has a role in this because at the very least i hope she gets her underwear back XD

saetje

Ha! Also bras are expensive so, yeah, definitely.

mathtans

Oh, right! That little whistle.

Superjustinbros

Gotta go for that underwear! XD

saetje

She needs those back

Superjustinbros

Definitely

mathtans

It's interesting that Yuuto has an earring which is an inverted cross too, I think.

Superjustinbros

Well this is the last minute, so I'd like to say good luck to charuchii on continuing the comic.

mathtans

I'm all for more Suzy partly to see if she has some girl friends she talks to as well. Normal people.

Superjustinbros

It was fun chatting~

mathtans

It's a very interesting premise!

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Charu, as well, for making MORBIDITY. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Charu’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: https://tapas.io/series/MORBIDITY

Charu’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/charuchii

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Gemini Journey by Tracy MacLauchlan & Yesenia Carrero. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, September 13th, from 5PM to 7PM PDT for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: http://geminijourney.com/

Comic’s LINE Webtoon Mirror: https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/gemini-journey/list?title_no=111693

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