#and I appreciate her efforts bc I know she’s not at all maternal and never wanted us kids

[ajokeformur-ray]

I came downstairs after my shower and mum took one look at me, told me to “grab your hair shit”, brushed and braided my hair, handed me a pack of cookies from my snack box, and said “go curl up in bed and watch your sad clown, you’ve got work tomorrow and a look on your face I keep seeing and don't much like” and I’m just🥹🥹🥹is my stress THAT obvious?😂😂😂😂

[strlingsav]

hii, im not sure if u write dad ghost, but if you don’t mind, could you write ghost coming home from work, happy to see his daughter and wife reader. he got home pretty late, so he puts his daughter to bed and spends time with his wife, leading to you know what 🫣 and soon they hear their daughter opening the door and has to pretend nothing happened.

i’d appreciate if u write this, if not then that’s alright, pls do what makes u comfortable 😌

I'm gonna throw up I love domestic Ghost 😭🤍 ofc I can do this 🤭 thanks for asking!! I changed it a bit, just bc I'm a sucker for a happy ending- literally.

Daughter's name is Ava (short and sweet, not much effort there sorry lol)

Home

– Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

— Simon returns from deployment.

Explicit sexual content under the cut. Read at your own risk.

Simon saw the lights on from outside. It was late- too late for Ava to be up, so he assumed you'd fallen asleep on the couch waiting for him. The thought brought a rush of warmth over him. How badly he missed you, desperately chasing the memory of your touch, your wonderful smell, but nothing compared to you, real and in the flesh.

Climbing out of his truck, he headed for the front door. He considered himself to be a man with composure, but returning home to his wife and daughter after so long had his heart racing, hands shaking as he put the key in the lock.

He entered quietly, not wanting to wake you, and when he rounded the corner he found you asleep on the couch, as he assumed, but with an arm wrapped around Ava.

The sight alone was enough to make his knees weak. Then, he heard you snore, reaching out to tuck Ava in closer to your chest. He let out a quiet sigh. The ache in his shoulders was unnoticeable now, when he leaned against the door frame and watched the sight before him.

The TV light flashed across your faces, the faces he'd missed the most. He had your photos in his vest at all times, his family, but it never sated the burning in his chest, the indescribable emptiness.

He never imagined himself that way; a father, a husband, but you had him wrapped around your finger and he didn't mind being there. For the first time, with you, he wanted a kid. He wanted something to nurture. You'd brought that out of him, you were so maternal it hurt, and he couldn't help but picture himself right there beside you.

Now, your daughter was 5. It didn't seem so long ago that you'd be at his apartment every weekend, finding every free second to spend together. You were a bit wilder back then, still were, but motherhood suited you. He couldn't deny, watching you through it all only made his love and attraction grow tenfold.

He owed you everything, you'd given him an amazing gift, and reignited the desire to connect, to feel. Though you didn't quite see it that way, he knew he'd spend every waking moment cherishing you.

He slowly sauntered over, pulling the blanket off Ava. He lifted her to his arms, and she stirred, though kept her eyes shut, still lightly snoring. The sound of her breaths, her arms instinctively wrapping around his shoulders, it made him melt. He nuzzled her head into his neck.

He realized he'd woken you up, and you went to stand up when he stopped you with a hand on your thigh.

"I've got her, sweetheart," He said.

You nodded, still disoriented, but happy beyond belief to see your husband, in one piece. You were sure you looked a nightmare, disheveled hair, dry drool on the side of your cheek, sweat lining your brow.

He disappeared down the hall with Ava in his arms, and you took the opportunity to get ready for bed.

Simon entered the master bedroom, finding you tying your hair up. Your eyes met his, shifting form your reflection in the mirror.

You smiled as he neared, your hands reaching out to glide over his shoulders. He pulled you in, a tight embrace, and squeezed once softly. He shut his eyes as he was enveloped by your touch, your smell. Utter ecstasy washed over him to be back in your arms, tangible and real.

He pulled away briefly, pressing his lips to yours, a tender, long kiss. He remembered how long he'd ached to feel you again, and the pure relief was overwhelming.

"Missed you," He said, muffled by your hair.

"I missed you too," You sighed, breathing in his scent. "Everything alright?" You asked, your voice in his ear.

He hummed in response.

"Ava go down okay?"

"She's out for the night, I reckon."

"She fell asleep at 8, think I only lasted until 9. She wanted to wait for her daddy," You said, pulling back.

His hands were still on your waist, his thumb moving in small circles comfortingly.

"S'alright," He said. "You wait up for daddy too?" He asked, his eyes narrowing at you.

You were wearing his shirt, your pyjama shorts were hidden underneath; it was practically a nightgown on you. There was nothing that aroused him more, your soft thighs peeking out from under the shirt, and he knew with all certainty that you weren't wearing a bra. He was hard just thinking about it.

You swatted his arm, "Simon," You scolded, a playful, bashful exclamation.

He pulled you into him again, eating up that coy reaction, you'd do it every time and he adored it more than anything. In reality, he knew you loved just how dirty he could be. Especially after going so long without feeling you, fucking you.

"Can't help it," He muttered. "Been gone too fuckin' long," He breathed.

"It's late- you must be exhausted," You said.

You tried to be reasonable, tried not to keep him up even though you were so desperate for him you were soaked already.

"Never too exhausted for you," He said, his hands travelling up your shirt to feel your skin against his.

He held you tightly, relishing the way you felt in his hands.

You smiled softly, pressing your lips to his gently at first, before he couldn't resist the taste of you and slid his tongue against yours. You whimpered quietly, exhaling against his face, your arms wrapping behind his neck to hold him as close as possible.

He lifted you to his hips with ease, his hands flat against your ass, squeezing teasingly.

"C'mere woman," He muttered against your mouth, making you throw your head back with a laugh.

You slapped a hand over your mouth, remembering your daughter soundly asleep across the hall.

"Oughta do somethin' about that loud mouth," He scolded.

You hummed with intrigue, your eyes glued to his as he walked the two of you to the bed. He landed on top of you as he laid you down on the bed.

"You're so lewd," You teased, surrendering to his body on top of yours.

He hummed, "You ain't even heard half'a what I wanna do to you."

He kissed your neck, delicate kisses that quickly turned hungry and you couldn't help the giggle that escaped your lips. Quieter this time, but enough to make his brow quirk up.

You nodded, "Think I better use my loud mouth," You whispered, your faces inches from each others.

His hands tugged your shorts off your thighs, calloused palms rubbing your soft skin. You shifted up to your elbows, watching with your lip between your teeth.

You went to lift the T-shirt over your head, when he stopped you.

"Leave it on," He said, his lips meeting yours in a reassuring kiss.

You nodded, following his lead as he unbuckled his belt, sitting himself on the edge of the bed. You knelt before him, shooing his hands away so you could do it yourself.

He was all adrenaline and testosterone, beyond aroused at the sight of you on your knees, no pants on, and wearing his shirt.

You slid his briefs down, exposing his cock. You wrapped your hand around his cock, and his head fell back, a sharp inhale raising his chest. When you pumped your hand up and down, he let out a low growl, his hand moving to your cheek with a tenderness nurtured by the time you'd spent apart.

"Christ, love," He breathed.

You didn't want to waste anymore time, and shifted upwards to have your tongue caress the head of his cock, engorged and thick, salty with pre-cum. He shivered, running his hand into your hair.

Wrapping your lips around him, you kept your eyes on his as you applied suction, hollowing your cheeks with vigour, resigned to pleasing him as much as you could. Your hand laid on his knee, the other wrapping around the base of his cock, pumping slowly to meet your lips, saliva already dripping down to add lubrication.

He cursed under his breath, his hand slowly closing into a fist in your hair, his chest rising and falling with every powerful breath. Your tongue massaged every vein and curve of his cock, paying attention to the grunts and groans of satisfaction that left his lips. It was hard not to be aroused by it, the approval in his tone, spoken without words.

Your head bobbing up and down, soft lips wrapped around his cock, silky tongue sliding against him at the same time- it was chilling, overwhelming, in the best way. Your hand continued further up his thigh, a comforting touch, a reminder that you were there, another layer of stimulation as if he needed any.

He groaned, a soft touch to his tone. "Missed your mouth."

You hummed, a thank you, filled with pride.

You were good, an expert in his pleasure just as he was with you. He'd learned every curve and detail of your body, and could break you down in seconds if he wanted to. His ego was broken at this point, pure vulnerability as your mouth sucked his cock, and he didn't mind one bit.

"Won't last long like this, love," He said, a strangled breath from his throat.

You exhaled through your nose, letting him fall from your mouth with a quiet 'pop'. He stood up, helping you across the bed to rest your head on the pillows.

His hands tugged at the shirt on your body, lifting it off your torso to savour the sight of your breasts, supple and inviting. You did the same for him, enjoying the vision before you; his hardened body, the dips and curves of every muscle, glowing with a thin layer of sweat. Your hands ran from his shoulders down to his torso, stopping at the trail of coarse hair disappearing beneath his briefs.

He had his eyes shut, savouring the softness of your hands on his body, shivering with anticipation. Only when his hands reached your breasts did he open his eyes, leaning down to take your nipple in his mouth, gently sucking and licking, teasing the pleasure to come. You shifted, antsy, restless. His other hand had palmed your breast, squeezing the pliable flesh in his hands.

"Fuckin' hell," He breathed, leaning over you.

He kissed your lips again, exploring your body with his hands, his lips not far behind. He reached your hips, slowly sliding your panties down your legs as he leaned in, his hands taking your thighs and pulling them over his shoulders. His lips kissed at the plush skin of your inner thighs, teeth biting into you gently, devouring you.

"Missed the taste of you," He said against you, warm air hitting your pussy, making you shiver.

You laid back, eyes closing as you digested his words; he knew exactly what to say to have you soaking wet, desperate and needy.

His tongue was smooth, warm and velvety against your clit. You gasped, relaxing into his hold as he ran small circles over your clit, your thighs twitching and jumping with every touch.

"Simon," You whispered, recognition of just how good he made you feel.

He was slow, passionate, savouring the taste of you, everything he'd thought about for weeks. The soft whimpers and moans you hid behind closed lips, the back of your hand pressed against your mouth, it drove him mad.

He clenched your thighs with possessive hands, flesh squeezing between his fingers, your toes curling against his back. Your hand drifted to glide through his hair, a gentle touch, some form of contact to keep you grounded. You let it rest on the back of his head, and he found it comforting. His eyes lifted to yours, his tongue sliding out, lightly flicking back and forth over your clit.

His lips were wet with your arousal, moving against your pussy, sucking and teasing at your clit. His tongue dove inside you, and your back arched, pressing yourself into his mouth. Your fingers tugged at his hair, a rumble of pleasure leaving his mouth.

It was sweet, sensual; a loving reunion. He was passionate about making you cum, especially when he hadn't seen you or touched you in so long. He thoroughly enjoyed the sight of you while he ate you out, you always had your lips parted, soft pants from your mouth, your eyes fluttering shut. Your cheeks took on a reddish hue, and the view from his position made him even harder.

He knew just what spots to touch, the pressure and speed that made your thighs shake. He never failed to make you climax quickly; and even after being apart, it seemed to be even easier. He buried his face in your pussy, head moving side to side as he devoured you, feeling your thighs clamp around his head, your fingers tug a bit harder at his hair.

He knew you were close, and when your entire body froze, rigid and tense, he knew the pulsating of your pussy followed shortly after. He softened his touch, prolonging your orgasm with every stroke of his tongue. You could hardly muffle the gasps and moans that forced their way out, biting into the back of your hand as your body shook with pleasure.

When he sat up to his knees, settling between your thighs, you saw his face glistening, wet with your arousal. He leaned closer, his lips meeting yours, tongues gliding together in an impatient kiss.

He slid inside of you- his favourite part, listening to your reaction as his cock pushed past the soft muscles inside you. You gasped quietly, your fingers digging into the taught muscles of his shoulders, sliding down his sides.

He let out a low groan; your warmth and wetness welcoming him home, absorbing him, hugging him. His head fell to the crook of your neck, his hand reaching your thigh to keep you in place beneath him, clamped tightly to his side.

He rolled his hips, burying himself inside you, deep inside you, your head falling in against the pillows.

"Shit, baby," You whined, your eyes squeezing shut as he filled you. "I missed you."

Your eyes snapped open to meet his gaze, your hands grasping the back of his neck, digging in as he thrusted his hips against yours.

"Couldn't stop thinkin' about you," He exhaled, his brows furrowed, a strained expression while he fought the urge to cum. "Y'feel so good, love."

He dug deeper, thrusting harder, watching your breasts recoil against his force, your entire body shining with a thin layer of sweat. He kissed your neck, sloppy, wet kisses.

"Don't stop baby, please," You whispered, your hand falling to rub fast circles over your clit.

A nasally groan bubbled up from the back of his throat as he felt your pussy clench, your eyes on his as you panted with exertion.

"Go on, love," He muttered. "I wanna feel you cum."

Your eyes rolled back, your abdomen tensing as you bore down through your climax, fighting the overstimulation. You gasped softly for air, pulling him even closer to you roughly. It was a harsh reflex he'd loved since the first time you did it.

He grunted in your ear, his cock throbbing when your pussy clamped down around him, nearly shaking his head in disbelief, restraint. His lips met yours as he quickened his pace, rutting his hips into you as he neared his climax.

He released inside you, shortening his thrusts as he came down from his high.

He pulled out slowly, cringing a bit with the over-sensitivity.

He laid down beside you, pulling you into his chest with heavy breaths. It was still, silent for a few moments as the two of you caught your breath, relishing in the tiredness and satisfaction.

[poodlejoonas]

🖊 Laila and her relationship with other moms before her and Aleksi broke up. Also, I really hope Enkka’s parents went off on her for saying that to him.

Anon I want you to know that I saw this right before I went to sleep last night and I've been vibrating with excitement to answer it. I'm gonna put it under a read-more because it's going to be A Lot.

Aleksi and Laila actually got to know each other before he joined BC, when she was brought in to work with him on producing a single together (for the ironic symbolism, I'm gonna go with Anything). The romance and tension between them were already there when they met again several years later. By that time, Laila had developed a reputation in the music industry for being a party girl and overall difficult person to work with. She's his plus-one at Olli and Riina's wedding when she meets the rest of the group for the first time. The sisterhood see a new friend to try to bring into their group with no clue how bad her reputation really is, but the guys can already tell what's gonna happen between the two of them. They try to talk to Aleksi about his decision to date her, but they don't want to push him away by controlling his personal life. Later on, when shit goes down, they just support him any way they can.

As for her relationship with the moms: they try to make a genuine effort to include her in their group activities and traditions. They think she's just a little cold and distant at first but are patient and understanding. But she thought that, as married moms, they were too cliquey and stuffy for her tastes. She never got in on their inside jokes, especially the bunny code and why it was important to them to share that sort of thing with each other. After a series of events, including a fight in which she told them she thought the bunny code was "obnoxious" and the Leevi and Enkka incidents, she left their group chat and stopped hanging out at the shows with them. Laila has zero maternal instincts and got easily annoyed about the fact that the kids were always there in their activities. And also, given the nature of the circles of people she interacts with in the entertainment industry, she's not used to being part of a group of friends as wholesome as the sisterhood. She was expecting them to eventually turn on her like most of the people she partied with or exclude her if she never had a kid.

When she found out she was pregnant with Noah after her break-up with Aleksi, they finally saw right through her intentions with the two of them. They knew that she basically used Noah to attempt to keep Aleksi (a pain that Marja experienced personally with her ex and Miikka), and for a brief moment she wondered if she would eventually learn to bond with him. She kept her pregnancy a secret and only addressed it when Aleksi announced his plan to raise Noah as a single dad. None of his friends appreciated the way she talked about him when she went on the radio to drag him, accusing him of cheating on her with one of the other moms when they were together and being framed as the "villain" for not keeping their son. And in the middle of it, she accuses the rest of the group of being absent fathers and questioning if Noah would be raised well with Aleksi. Instead of arguing with her, the moms lash back with proof that their husbands love their children and that there was no use in trying to lie and pretend they don't. She cuts off all connection to Aleksi and Noah after he's born, but she pops back up occasionally to raise a fuss.

And as for the Leevi and Enkka incidents: they do fight back eventually, just not in front of the kids. Enkka was hurt when he was rejected and Kirsten was there to pick him up. They had a few things to say to her on the spot, but it wasn't until a little while later when they finally confront her about how she acted about both kids in their group chat. Milli and Jenna, for the obvious reason, had the most to say, and it ends with her leaving the chat and ignoring them from there. Joel was also rightfully upset at the way Enkka had been treated, since he was also the first to feel that she was no good for Aleksi. They're more than happy to help step in as Noah's substitute moms, and be his support for when he's dealing with the aftermath of their break-up.

[vmprwtch]

HMM HEY idk if anyone has asked you this yet but pls tell me abt alec’s mom & his relationship with her as a human !!! and then possibly his current perception of her looking back + his views on maternal figures now. does he appreciate them, does he shy away from them, etc??

                            character development  // always accepting *!

first I wanna stop n saw a special thank you to jess who I love and adore beyond the stars. like ur an amazing friend and person but also I got so emo when I saw this bc ur legit the only person who regularly and frequently puts in effort to show me you’re interested in Alec and appreciate him and it genuinely means the world to me. now! mothers.

alec adored his mother. they lived a very simple life back then and so there wasn’t much more to their relationship beyond just loving kindness and a warm home. there concerns barely extended beyond the plot of their very small cottage. he doesn’t remember her beyond the feelings he had for her anymore but he does know that he loved her immensely. he would often wake up early to pick wildflowers for her. she always put the twins to bed even when they were older, making sure they were together and safe before she could sleep. she’d tell them that no matter what they always had each other and they should never hold back on loving on another, never let hate or anger get between them. she’d reassure the twins that the villagers were in the wrong when they persecuted them, but had enough sense to show them how to stay discrete. she didn’t know her husband came from a long line of witches, but she didnt for a second consider rejecting her children for their magic. she loved and fought for them until their dying day. she died being beaten to a bloody pulp by the crowd that strung up and torched her babies in front of her; Alec and Jane saw it happen while they burned. unfortunately Alec has a fresher memory of that than most other thoughts of his mother. the trauma and proximity to his transformation made it easier to remember. beyond this all he has left is the knowledge that he loved her like he does Jane: unconditionally, healthily, properly, truly. she was the only other person he loved. 

looking back, she’s a murky memory. he knows that aro would have seen her in alec’s memory when it was still fresh and because he was a vamp when he saw it, aro can recall it with perfect clarity. he’s asked him to describe her and even depict her in drawings and paintings so he can remember. for a century or two, aro pacified him by telling him that seeing her and holding onto her memory would impede his grieving; of course, this was just his method of letting Alec’s allegiance to anyone outside the volturi decay. but after some time, he did have a portrait of her commissioned, but it never really satisfied Alec. he couldn’t be sure it was accurate and the idea that he couldnt recall her on his own upsets him to this day, he keeps her portrait in his room along with a smaller version on his vanity. its all he has to remember her by beyond vague feelings of unconditional love. her face is lost to him. the only other memories he has is the memory of the night he died (the colors and faces have long bled out) and a memory of lying beside his sister, going to bed with their mother sitting beside them, all three of them laughing.

when it comes to maternal figures, alec doesnt necessarily actively seek them out, but sorta sees them in a lot of the women in his life. this is actually part of why, despite his bisexuality, its hard for him to form romantic connections with women. he so often sees them as maternal figures instead. most notable are the volturi wives. he spends hours of each day in the tower where they’re forced to stay. only Jane spends a similar amount of time with them; everyone else barely visits them. he loves to spend time with them up there and bring them news of the world changing and talk for hours about his practice with the piano and violin, or with hunting/his power, etc. but his favorite activity is when he gets permission to take them out. he will spend hours strolling around the rose gardens, his arm in theirs, and just talk with them. its his favorite place in the world and he loves to be alone with the wives and let them spend a moment of peace with their adoptive son in the gardens. 

when it comes to other mother figures, Alec is very sympathetic and appreciative of them. of all the Cullens, despite having no real interest in her, Alec would probably kill Esme last. knowing she acted as a mother to the others really softens Alec to her but in actuality, its just his unspoken desire that no one else watch their mother be killed as he did. if it ever came down to fighting the cullens, he’d petition aro to kill her last, or only before Carlisle. if it didnt happen that way, he’d blind the ‘kids’. he doesnt do it because its right; he just doesnt like his trauma being repeated. it makes him feel powerless.

tl;dr: Alec has been drinking his Respect Women Juice since 799 ad. and loves his mother like no one else. he sees her in other mothers and has a very high respect and love for mothers but nothing compares to his own mother, or the little memory he has of her.

[jess-oh]

reflection

hello journal! i finally was able to sleep through the entire night yesterday without suddenly waking up once. it was really refreshing! i had trouble finding the motivation to get out of bed this morning but still managed to get up around 7:05am. I pooped, I talked with Amanda about everything yesterday, I got to briefly vent and process with Rachel last night, and now we're here! And I do really feel a lot better now. I have a much better idea of what to do and where to go from here. I'm glad. And Rachel pointed out something interesting to me yesterday. I keep coming back to the story about how I always poured so much of myself into extracurriculars because it was an area that I could excel in but whenever I got home, my parents just saw the part of me that was tired and exhausted and that they deemed to be lazy and unproductive. And I am constantly trying so hard to prove myself now in every aspect of my life to prove that I am good enough or that I am worth something. But I will always harbor some form of bitterness towards my parents for making me feel like I wasn't worth anything even when I tried so hard and did so much. To me, it just felt like despite everything I was trying to do, it wasn't enough. And I finally came to the point where I wasn't sure if it ever would be enough and left wondering what more I could possibly do because I feel like I've already exhausted every other option. And this is definitely something I need to confront my parents about but want to figure out how to word correctly first. Because I definitely want it to come from a place of me just being very honest with them and not trying to accuse them of anything but genuinely wanting them to understand the damage and lasting effect their words have had on me and why they have led me to try so hard now. And why I don't feel like I can trust them or rest in them. Because I feel like they're always going to expect to me step up and do something, even when I feel the need to rest. I always get back up so quickly because I don't think I can take any more time resting. I'm just wasting time the longer I stay down. I have to get back up and do my job and prove myself as a servant, as a daughter, as a person, as a hardworker. Prove that I'm at least worth something in this world. I'm still unsure whether or not I should ditch college hour altogether for the summer and hangout with Catalyst people instead or if I should give college hour a try. I know that it has a lot to do with my heart and I don't want to just take the easy way out and hangout with Catalyst just bc it's easier for me to get along with them than with people in Movement. But is that such a bad thing? To just hangout with people that I get along with better, I know will give me solid advice and challenge me to do better, and have a more restful time overall? Instead of feeling like I always have to serve? I'm thinking of stepping down from leading a mission workshop for VBS because while it is something I want to do, I don't know if it'd just be too much work for me to do on top of everything else right now. And I also don't want to disappoint Jenny and be a flake/unreliable. But I also don't know if I'm doing so much for VBS to just prove I'm worth something to Jenny, who is my maternal figure. Or if it's just become a burden to me because I'm afraid that if I don't do something, no one else will. And I know how much effort Jenny puts in and I always feel bad that no one ever sees it as that big of a priority/responsibility to volunteer. But, it does seem like Lakeview is changing. Way more people decided to show up for both decor days this year whereas we lacked in numbers last year. Even just for our meetings, they were way smaller. Things are happening. God is moving. We are growing. And I'm glad. Because it also means that I can finally rest. If I really wanted to, I think I could put something together for the mission workshop. But hearing about having to perform the VBS songs, six of them, on stage and memorize the motions—most of which I really do not know right now. That's a lot of work! And I want to practice a lot and just focus on doing that and taking good care of my kids and leading them throughout the event. Making sure no one is left behind and that they're all well loved and cared for. AAAAAAA, I SENT THE MESSAGE! Hopefully Jenny takes it okay! I just.I really want to learn how to rest so that I can serve better and care more. When I'm tired—physically and/or mentally, I am much more limited in what and how much I can do. I want to do better. I want to be better. I want to grow. And i can't take care of people if I myself am not doing well. I want to take a step back from college hour but I'm also afraid of leaving the burden to David and P. Josh. But I also need to believe and have faith that they can function fine without me. They don't need me. I can help but I'm not necessary. And that's okay. It's a huge burden and weight off my shoulders as well. I've avoided resting thus far. I've tried so hard to keep my fists clenched over the past and things that have hurt me and made me bitter and scarred. But I don't want to do that anymore. It's just left me feeling miserable and alone. I need to change in order for my life to change. I have to break this toxic cycle that I've found myself in. I need to stop and let go and then move forward from here. I'm really glad I got to talk things out with Amanda yesterday. I was very honest and open and she actually took it very well. She apologized that her actions led me to feel the way that I did. And it was also somewhat reassuring to hear how other people do appreciate my efforts and what I do and what I've done. And I had no idea she felt a bit jealous that they praised my name so highly but whenever it came to Amanda it was just, "Oh yeah! You're fun to be around!" and nothing deeper than that. It really did pain me to see Amanda and Johnathan because it just served as a reminder that theyre moving on and I don't have anyone left to rely on. Johnny stepped down from new MAST, not that we were ever that close anyway, Jason and I are still fighting constantly, and Amanda and Johnathan are moving on. Paired with the fact that Jason, Johnathan, and Amanda have already graduated or are graduating soon, I was pretty upset. Being able to confess all those things to Amanda and clearing the area between us both gave me some much needed closure. And in marinating in these thoughts, I began to question the basis of our friendship or if it had always just been me clinging to her and forcing her to open up and be deep but us never naturally actually being friends. Being able to just spend time with her and run errands together restored my hope in our friendship. I know now that she is definitely someone I can rely on and I hope she knows she can always rely on me too. I do believe she has grown. She does seem more confident and clear-minded and focused now. And I'm really proud of her, who she is, and who she is growing to be. Rachel also gave me some pretty solid advice and told me people can tell when I'm not being genuine and that's probably the reason I don't get along with a lot of people. I want to take this summer to rest, reassess, and do better in the future. Striving to be very intentional, present, and deliberate. I do want to care and take care of everyone because thats how I feel towards them. Not out of trying to uphold a certain image or serve for the sake of my "job" as a MAST member. But because I do genuinely care and want the best for them. This is what I want.And I'm going to do it. Thank you for everything you have done for me and all of us, God.We really don't deserve it but you did it anyway. Thank you.Amen.