#and I can use the movie version of the scene without it being too contrived

[lady-of-the-garden]

I love overthinking things just for them to be so simple as to not even be worth mentioning

[spaceorphan18]

Marvel Movie Nights: The Amazing Spider-Man 2

You know, based on its reputation, and the fact that I really disliked the original film because it was a bad CW version of the origina Raimi film, I was ready to just hate this film.  And... I didn’t? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not great, it’s totally got a Spider-Man 3 thing going with just too much going on.  But, if I’m being honest, I kind of had fun with it? More so than the so incredibly tedious first film.  

The plot is so convoluted and twisted into itself that it’s hard to talk about it as a whole.  It’s trying to balance about six different things while attempting to set up an entire universe on its own.  And, because of that, it kind of collapses in on itself like dying star.  So, I’m gonna take this one chunk at a time... 

First we have... Peter’s dead parents.  Honestly, this is one of the elements that feels a little too much. A lot of it is contrived, especially in how his parents are tied to the spider experiments that made Peter Spider-Man in the first place.  It feels like dumb movie logic, and this is the part, for me, that felt the most emotionally hollow (which is saying a lot because there’s a lot of cheap emotional beats in this film).  I didn’t care, and this movie would have worked fine without any of it in it.  

I’m gonna mention Aunt May next, because she has so little to do.  Sally Field is great -- but there’s this weird subplot of her trying to be a nurse? She spends most of her time yelling or crying or yelling and crying, but it all amounts to about five minutes of screen time.  I get what they were doing with it -- having read enough Spider-Man comics to realize that Aunt May has been somewhat of a one-note character for most of her existence -- but she feels so obligatory here that why even bother? 

Alright, so let’s talk about Andrew Garfield again.  Believe it or not -- I liked him so much better in this film! His Peter is still very lacking, and he makes some bizarre acting choices (as well as the fact that Peter’s basically a weirdo stalker in this film) but his Spider-Man is way less of a dick, and a lot more fun.   That is... when he has someone to actually interact with, which brings me to... 

Emma Stone’s Gwen Stacy.  I didn’t get the chemistry thing from the first film, because the way the relationship plays out makes no sense.  Well, it mostly makes no sense here, too, but there’s some really clear chemistry here -- and it’s so nice for Peter to actually have a grounded friend here, that this whole thing is actually the most enjoyable part of the film --- even if Peter is stalking her through half of it.  

So, maybe I need a whole other post to talk about her death, but I’m kind of fascinated by this -- because it is one of comics most shocking moments.  Seriously.  It’s what ended the Silver Age of Comics and what pushed it to the Bronze Age, where comics were taken more seriously, and began to handle more realistic story lines.  I think her death works here! It’s not set up very well -- I like a little more thematic in my superhero films -- but the actual scene is pretty good.  I do have to laugh, a little, at the fact that Spider-Man clearly murders his own girlfriend, but because they have to end the movie, they kind of gloss over that with movie time montage.  Anyway... 

Villains! This story definitely has them.  So -- there’s a ton of set up for the Sinister Six -- Black Cat is prowling around.  BJ Novak was supposed to be someone.  And of course Doc Ock’s hands are floating in some kind of liquid.  And... Paul Giamatti in a giant Rhino suit, that’s kind of hilarious.  Again, it’s too much.  They’re trying so hard to set up, like, ten sequels that it kind of kills this one.  It’s like Iron Man 2 but on steroids.  There are also some evil lawyer types, too, which, whatever... 

So, first big bad is Electro played by Jamie Foxx.  He’s such a flat and ill-defined character.  What are his powers? He’s like an electric Magneto.  And so socially awkward that he has no personality and the basic emotional intelligence of a two year old.  But that’s fine -- because the rest of the plot is only using him for his powers.  It just feels... obligatory? 

Meanwhile, there’s Harry Osborn coming in as the Green Goblin, and let me tell you, this shit is wild.  The actor plays Harry like some kind of drugged up Leo DiCaprio.  They awkwardly force a relationship with Peter after having zero set-up.  Seriously - Peter just shows up one day.  And then there’s the whole plot -- Harry is dying of some rare genetic disease that is literally making him the Green Goblin, and only Spider-Man’s blood can save him.  After being thrown out of Oscorp because evil lawyer, he breaks out Electro so they can stop Spider-Man.  And then at the end -- Harry is magically fine.  It’s wild.  And insane.  Hilariously entertaining, but insane. 

On the production side of things -- despite the fact that nothing about this film feels like it’s grounded in any kind of reality -- it’s not that bad.  The CGI holds up pretty well.  The action sequences are decent -- especially the third act, where I usually tap out, actually kept me pretty captivated.  The score is fine, but not my favorite.  And the film looks pretty clean and less dark than the original film.  

Final Thoughts: While I did enjoy it despite the major flaws, it does make me miss Tom Holland -- I know all the fanboys want Spider-Man to work alone, but I think he does best when he actually has friends.  :P 

Next-Up: X-Men Days of Future Past.  I have nothing snarky to add - this is actually a good film. 

[thesharondefenseleague]

Shit you right about the AoU doing civil war better. Like I never considered it but like that a way less contrived reason for them to fight. It makes total sense how they react both bring up good points and I agree with anon bout the whole argument in CW a bad one for a MCU movie. But the AoU argument works perfectly for a MCU movie fuck it was already there why not just expand on that one? Its even the thing Tony references in Endgame.

AoU answered the question already, and they set up that there was no need to do a CW story as fast as they did (it was, what, a year between them?), if at all.

The question of who should keep superpowered individuals in check was answered by AoU - the heroes should have the control. They are the only ones who understand what other powered individuals are going through, so they can help out the ones who need it. And the character this narrative is directed at happened to be the same one in both movies: Wanda.

In AoU, she’s dangerous, and she’s aware of it, and she’s mentally in a fragile enough place where she can be manipulated to sway either direction morally. This is how she is in the comics too, and the more fragile she is, the more damage she can cause. To tie this with CW (comic), the Thor-clone, Ragnarok, was the truly dangerous secret weapon that SHIELD unleashed that caused such mass damage that everyone is left traumatized and has to pause to rethink what they’re doing and if it’s right - Wanda unleashing Hulk to destroy a town.

[This is where everyone turns on Tony (and Hank and Reed, but in this movie it’s Bruce as his right-hand man) because his creations are killing people, and they need to stop him from creating something else that can kill, even though he doesn’t intend on it and just wants to stop all the chaos and destruction. And Tony’s relationship with everyday people in both the comics and to an extent the movies is what stops him from being considered a villain in the narratives, because he cares about them and saves them before they can get hurt in potential crossfire. Conversely, Steve’s mindset is more he thinks of the bad guy first, the civilians second, but he’s also still saving the day so he can’t be a villain. Which is why SHIELD/Maria was the true villain. And why it wasn’t a random HYDRA villain because are you kidding me you had to force one in god I hate this movie so much why does everything think its the best.]

Wanda feels awful about what she’s done, paired with finding out that she’s teamed with someone who wants to cause extinction, and flips to redemption. And the Avengers, looking at her and seeing the person who just fucked with their psyches and did quite a lot of damage, know how to help her. And they do. And though she’s still shaky, they see her value and want to help her. Which is what CW started to do, but they never answered that one either. AoU knew to rehabilitate her image and help her gain control over herself, CW wanted to say she’s not dangerous and shouldn’t be kept under strict watch, but also when she’s under stress she is dangerous and should be kept under strict watch. CW had too many stories and didn’t want to go fully into any of them, and this was one of the bigger misfires. Which is why during the comic event she was prancing around elsewhere and hooking up with Clint.

The ironic thing is that AoU was a story that shouldn’t have worked, because in order to do it, you couldn’t use any of the heroes. The Ultron storyline starts with Hank and Jan, two characters who weren’t introduced yet, and the actual AoU’s main characters are Sue Storm and Logan (and Hank, and whether or not we should kill him). It’s a story filled with alternate timelines and numerous falls of humanity. But CW had majority of the main players, a semi-decent secondary cast, and enough lore set up that they could have introduced so many characters to help out but just... didn’t do any of it.

Listen, I get it, the Russos love directing action scenes. And CW is a comic with a ton of action scenes. But imagine fucking up that story so bad that a year before, the movie with a face-in-tits-plant did it better by a world-renowned creep. It pains me so much to see that they set up a good Cap 3 in CW and buried it under all these moral questions that no one wanted to answer anyway.

I don’t have access to either movie, but I feel the urge to rewatch AoU and CW to point out how AoU did it better without meaning to.

(Remember when Avengers 3 was going to be the CW movie? And Cap 3 was going to be an actual Cap movie? And then they fired JW. And now we have to realize that if we had gotten the JW version... it would’ve been decent by comparison??? Or not, JL was pretty trash, so... but odds are it would’ve done a better job at the conflict part. Big yikes.)

~Mod R

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Under Raps

My feelings on this episode are pretty neutral. It’s not anything amazing, but it’s not the worst thing ever either. It’s just there, I guess. 

Summary: During a love festival, Corona displays a book full of signatures of lovers in honor of an old ruler's falling in love with the leader of a rival kingdom. Cassandra suddenly turns very secretive; Rapunzel learns it's because she's been seeing a guy named Andrew. Cassandra doesn't want Rapunzel's meddling, but the princess suggests a double date and they all go off in a hot air balloon. However, Andrew turns out to be part of an old faction that didn't like the unification of Corona and wants to steal the book.

This Backstory Doesn’t Add Up

So we open up with Big Nose narrating about the history of a war between Corona and a group of people called the Saporians. This is important for two reasons. First, because the Saporians are reoccurring villains in the show, and secondly, because it reveals where the underground tunnels running between Old Corona and the Island Capital come from. These tunnels are a reoccurring plot device in the show, along with the book that maps them. 

The problem is that what the story tells us doesn’t match the other information we are given. If it was only the Saporians who invaded then why does an Old Corona, with its own castle, exist to begin with? Why do the tunnels extend from both if King Herz Der Sonne made them? What purpose did they serve if he was only defending the island? Why are the Saporians led by a general and not a ruler? Why would marrying only a general unite the two kings and where was the Saporian kingdom to begin with? Why did they invade? Why are there still Saporians who haven’t accepted the merger centuries later and why do they live on the go outside the kingdom? If  Herz Der Sonne is such a good guy then why did he curse his grave with a zombie apocalypse? Ect. 

We keep getting hints throughout the show that Herz Der Sonne isn’t all he was cracked up to be, and you keep expecting a reveal that it was the Coronaians who started the war and oppressed the Saporians and then rewrote history, but it never comes. The show wants us to accept this very black and white conflict at face value even as it constantly undermines itself and muddies the waters. 

Pointing Out That Something is Stupid in the Show Itself Doesn’t Make it Any Less Stupid

As I stated back during Rapunzel’s Enemy, the show has a real problem with tone. Constantly showing us festival and holiday after festival and holiday only undermines the more serious elements in the ongoing story and creates mood whiplash. Also anything that reminds me of Cinderella 2 is not a good thing. 

Ahh Friedborg, You’re Such a Wasted Opportunity 

So she actually first appeared in Cassandra V. Eugene but I forgot to bring her up there. My bad. Friedborg is something of a fan favorite in the TTS fandom, and I like her too, but she adds nothing. She’s a joke character in a tv show already oversaturated by joke characters. More over the joke is actually offensive on some level since it all hinges on her being less conventionally attractive then the other female characters and the mains finding her weird because she never talks. 

The show tries to justify her existence by making her Big Nose’s girlfriend, but she’s not who he ended up with in the movie. And once again it’s kind of offensive to imply that only people who don’t match society’s contrived beauty standards can only find love with those that look like them. Thereby completely missing the point of Big Nose’s character arc. 

I’ll say it right now, Friedborg should have been Zan Tiri, or Demantius. Take your pick. I think ZT makes more sense, but etheir way she should have been a setup for something more important to the plot rather then just be being a vauge oddity that just pops up from time to time. 

I Miss This Version of Eugene

Throughout the first two seasons, Eugene and Cassandra were willing to point out Rapunzel’s BS. Forcing her to confront her flaws and re-examine her positions.I would argue that the show could have pushed this even further but at least it was there. By the final season no one was doing this. Rapunzel is allowed to be as awful as she wants to be without consequence. Meaning she never learns anything and stops growing as a character and the show acts like this a positive thing. It is not. In fact, it is the biggest flaw of the whole show as it fails to achieve the one thing it originally set out to do; which is to tell a coming of age story with Rapunzel. 

It also has the added effect of making Eugene a doormat to Rapunzel’s bulling, thereby regressing his character as well and presenting an unhealthy relationship as a goal to be achieved to younger viewers. I can not stress enough to young girls and young men in particular, that Rapunzel and Eugene are not ‘relationship goals’ in this show. Not after season 3. 

Xavier Doesn’t Get a Proper Introduction 

So Xavier is actually pretty important to the ongoing plot. He’s more or less the exposition fairy for the show, but he’s not really established. He just suddenly appears here with no prior meeting and he just so happens to know what the main characters need to know with no explanation as to how he knows. 

His part here is so forgettable that I legit forgot who he was when he reappeared in the mid-season finale. I had thought that the writers just threw in a random character for plot purposes. And to be fair they did. Just they did it here instead of in Queen for a Day. 

If the showrunners wanted Xavier to be historian who knows everything and tells stories, then he should have been introduced as the narrator of the history of Hearts Day instead of Big Nose. 

Another Lesson Not Learned 

We get this big heart to heart moment of Raps and Cass coming to an understanding, with Rapunzel promising not to intrude and Cass promising to being more honest about her feelings. This is walked back on several times and made part of the core conflict of the last two seasons. 

Once again, any problem that can be solved in less then five minutes of talking isn’t a strong enough conflict to drive multiple seasons. If this had been a show without an ongoing narrative, like say The Rescue Rangers or even Batman the Animated Series, then the repeated lessons wouldn’t be a problem. We expect characters to be static and to reset after each episode since they’re not shows that you watch in order. 

But if you do go the overarching arc route for a story, then people expect lasting character development. Even in shows like Gravity Falls or Steven Universe, where the change is more gradual and the characters do repeat mistakes occasionally, there’s still a marketed change by the end. One that indicates improvement by the characters, and the inter conflicts are never exactly the same each time with exactly the same lesson over and over again. 

 Oh Look, Cassandra Once Again Achieving her Goal of Validation 

Cass is awarded a medal by her father for stopping Andrew. Don’t expect her or the show to remember this. 

Also more Cass and Cap interaction that we don’t get to see. 

Can We Not Imply That Cassandra Still has a Crush on the Guy Who Lied to Her and Then Almost Killed Her, and Can We Not Act Like This is a Good Thing?

So this flower was given to Cassandra by Andrew and her keeping it makes zero sense. 

First off lets not have one of our few strong independent female characters crushing on the show’s stereotypical ‘nice guy’, okay? That’s all kinds of gross. Secondly, if the intention was to show that Cass was now more willing to open up about her feelings, then wouldn’t her keeping one of the gifts Raps made her earlier in the episode make more sense? After all, that’s the relationship that actually matters to Cassandra and is the basis of the whole show. 

But this all boils down to the fact that the creator sees Cassandra as straight, always has, and thinks her crushing on the guy who manipulated her is somehow better than ‘no-homo’. Now you can headcanon Cass as whatever you want and ship her with whomever you want, as canon doesn’t matter. But I find it hilarious that most of the head showrunner’s biggest supporters are mainly Casspunzel fans and yet he’s the one who made them ‘sisters’ and sees them as such.

Like I hate to break it to you guys, but a Cass led spin-off headed by Chris won't be the lesbian rep that you’ve always dreamed of. You’re better off just watching the She-Ra reboot. 

But things gets even worse when Rapunzel approves of this stupid ‘crush’ ...

Don’t Ever Tell Someone That You’re Proud of Them For Going On a Date

Dating is just something some people choose to do together and some people choose not to engage in that. It’s not an accomplishment and it shouldn’t be treated as such. This is insulting to both people who don’t date, for whatever reason, and to women who hate being being defined by their relationships, which is most of us. 

Even if you’re being charitable and try to make this about Cassandra self esteem and her learning she’s worth ‘loving’, which is the reason some people have offered up for this scene, it still falls apart when it’s not established that Cassandra ever had such self esteem issues to begin with and was not looking for romance anyways. And if that is what the show is going for then it’s still problematic to suggest that being found as attractive by someone else is need for self esteem. In fact, that’s kind of the opposite of what self esteem is.    

Conclusion 

Overall this episode was ‘meh’. Like most season one episodes the problems stem from the ongoing narrative and lack of follow though in later seasons. However there’s enough stuff in here on it’s own to rub me just the wrong way that I can’t actually call it good either. 

It doesn’t help that I don’t see the appeal of Andrew at all. Watching the character is just a cringefest for me. He’s too similar to real life men I’ve unfortunately met and therefore sends alarm bells ringing in my head. And I agree with Eugene; he’s not all that handsome. 

[gunnerpalace]

Can I ask your opinion on Fade to Black? I just rewatched it and my Ichiruki heart is just overflowing with feels! But anyways I love your analysis and opinions on all things Bleach.

I am that rare IR who does not actually like Fade to Black very much. I can see what it was trying to do, and I appreciate the idea in concept (and some little moments here and there) but I am not at all a fan of how it was actually put together and executed. I guess I’ll do this as a pros and cons list:

PROS:

I don’t like Mayuri but I sort of like how he was handled in this movie. Him keeping a physical backup of his brain is a cool sci-fi idea for dealing with advancing the plot later.

Dark Rukia’s design is fairly cool. Especially in the little promo book that came with the movie, which you sometimes see screenshots of floating around.

The degree of attachment Ichigo shows toward Rukia is endearing.

The scene where Kisuke asks what Rukia is to Ichigo is cute and pretty spot-on.

Kisuke showing up in his old captain’s uniform for seemingly no reason other than to tweak Yamamoto’s nose is pretty funny. Him and Yoruichi basically alluding to the Soul Society arc is also kind of cute.

Ichigo using some special technique that’s unique to him in order to find Rukia (because it ain’t reiraku) is great.

The fight scene between Ichigo and Dark Rukia, and how Ichigo solves it and saves her, is well done and engaging.

Their little hug scene that’s gif’d on here a lot is sweet.

The ending where they have this discussion about how maybe this isn’t the first time they’ve met feels a little underplayed (they’re real far apart and stoic for people discussing such mushy things) but it’s still nice.

CONS:

I’m really tired of arcs about rescuing Rukia and reducing her to a damsel in distress, because she’s better than that. The Soul Society arc was the first time, and it was set up well and worked just fine—it’s classic. Fade to Black’s reasons are contrived (more on that later) and derivative. Then Hell Verse did it again and it was just stupid by that point. There should’ve been a rescue Ichigo movie instead, and the Xcution arc doesn’t really count since that’s presented as a horror story mostly from his perspective.

Rukia’s has had a hard life as a character and has been dumped on consistently, so I view adding yet more misery and pain onto her as gratuitous and frankly kind of insulting in general.

While Dark Rukia’s design is cool, it’s not really Rukia at all. It is very clear she’s an unwilling participant. It kinda looks like her, but it’s all Homura and Shizuku, they’re just forcing her along into it. And you know what? That’s basically rape, even if it’s not sexual rape. It’s still a total loss of consent and bodily autonomy. I’m pretty not cool with a plot that boils down to Rukia being raped.

I just hate the visual design of the kids. I can’t explain why beyond saying they just look out of place in the setting. Homura in particular looks like she walked off the set of Yu-Gi-Oh.

The backstory with the two kids frankly doesn’t make much sense. She meets Renji when she’s seemingly somewhere around the age of Karin or Yuzu (like 8-12) and they and their friends are together for ten years. At the end of that, she enters the Academy. In the flashbacks with these kids, she looks indistinguishable from how she does in the present? When exactly was this supposed to be happening?

The entire plot of Soul Society not knowing who Rukia is is stupid. Soul Society is a bureaucracy. From what we are shown, the majority of what they do every single day is paperwork. Just like Japan still to this day loves forms in triplicate, Soul Society fucking loves paperwork. And they love records and archives. And all Byakuya can do is find one lone book that references Rukia? There would be literally hundreds and hundreds and thousands of documents referencing her, or signed by her. The most casual search would indicate she was real.

Kon is annoying as hell in this movie. Like, he’s usually annoying, but not as much as he is here. It’s distracting and grating.

Ichigo is a continual disappointment in this movie. There are so many things that I will give them their own entries denoted by letters below:

A. People say he remembers Rukia when everyone else forgets. He doesn’t. Only Kon remembers Rukia. Kon jogs Ichigo’s memory. Ichigo does admittedly remember fully and quickly, which puts him ahead of everyone else, but he still forgets to begin with. That’s stupid.

B. Ichigo is extremely wishy-washy in this movie. He requires a speech from Kon, can’t or won’t beat Shuhei of all people even with his mask on, and loses to Toushirou. It’s pathetic. I get it, he’s a sad puppy without Rukia. It’s still pathetic to watch. The only time in the manga canon where his confidence wavers when it comes to trying to get to Rukia is during the Soul Society arc, when he wants to stay and wait for Ganju so they can settle their quarrel, and you can read that as being unique because it turns out they’re cousins and Ichigo may know something is unique, even if he doesn’t know it. This shit of him becoming discouraged and sad when trying to get to her is out-of-character.

C. This is an extension of (B), but like. Okay, when Orikasa Fumiko is voicing Rukia, and she screams in agony or despair, it chills me to the bone. I cannot explain to you how much I don’t like hearing it. It makes me anxious and makes me angry. She did it on the Senzaikyu when Gin broke her resolve to face death, and she does it in this movie when the Hollow fusion starts. And all Ichigo can do… is stand there uselessly going “Rukia…” like it’s nothing unusual. If he had been on the Senzaikyu bridge when Gin had done what he’d done, and he’d heard Rukia scream like that, he’d have fucking murdered Gin right then and there in cold blood. And here he faces the equivalent and does nothing. That’s not my boy. That’s not Ichigo.

D. When Rukia is crying over the deaths of Homura and Shizuku, Ichigo just stands there uselessly beside Renji and Byakuya and does nothing to console her. Renji and Byakuya at least have an excuse because they still don’t remember her. What’s Ichigo’s? Again, not him. Go to her you moron. At least grasp her shoulder. Not the Ichigo I know.

The fight scene with the goo monster is dumb as hell. Yamamoto should be able to solo it. He activated Ryuujin Jakka and… completely disappears from the fight. He just straight up vanishes. Because you can tell they realized he should be able to solo it and that would deprive them of everyone else getting a fight too. So he just instant transmissions out of the entire movie. And we get contrived shit like the monster being faster than Yoruichi and Soi-Fon so that Kisuke can heroically save Yoruichi (because him doing it in the Yammy fight wasn’t enough already). It’s just contrived, gratuitous, and pointless.

While the IchiRuki moments are very cute (if a little overly restrained, in my opinion) I feel like the rest of the movie that is set up to make them happen is a hot mess. Things happen because they need to for the plot to work, not because it makes sense or is in character for them to happen. I can’t stand movies that are made that way for any franchise, and seeing characters I care about deeply behave in such ways really just kinda pisses me off. The story beats are derivative and generally inferior versions of things we’ve already seen.

Movie Ichigo is generally out-of-character as fuck (and not just in this movie!) in a way that reminds me of like, Jean-Luc Picard in the Star Trek: The Next Generation movies (wherein he acts basically nothing like he does on the TV show). And Movie Rukia seems generally reduced to a background character.

I said recently that Rukia and Doomguy would be friends, and you know what? I would watch that movie instead of Fade to Black or Hell Verse, to be honest. Let’s do an outline. 

Ichigo is kidnapped by some denizen of Hell (Kokutou and Shuren and company, I guess? they can still be anime pretty boys even if they’re damned souls, maybe they have terrible demonic forms or something) to be used as a reiatsu battery or some shit for evil purposes. (Breaking out of Hell to overrun the other worlds?) Ichigo’s energy running wild causes some kind of temporal and dimensional vortex which draws in the Doomguy. He finds himself in the upper levels of Bleach’s Hell and does what he does, methodically murdering his way about.

Rukia is sent to investigate Ichigo’s disappearance and eventually figures out Ichigo is in Hell, and so goes to save him (against orders, with the help of Kisuke and maybe the others). There she encounters Doomguy, and is at first horrified, but she notices the rabbit’s foot he keeps on him. She decides to help him, and they’re left alone for a minute, assessing each other.

Despite their initial lack of a shared language (maybe his helmet can translate Japanese?), she communicates to him (with Chappy drawings!) that she has to go deeper into Hell to save Ichigo. Given their shared love of bunnies, Doomguy is down with that. She rides on his back as she did with Ichigo, working some of his spare guns as they go. (Imagine Rukia cocking a shotgun meaningfully tho…) Along the way Rukia freezes some dudes and Doomguy punches their heads off. The usual stuff. She tells him about Ichigo as they go, like she did to Hanataro. Doomguy says nothing because he’s Doomguy, but he seems to listen.

They eventually get to Ichigo and liberate him through the judicious application of firepower. His raging reiatsu causes a lot of damage to the surrounding environment. Doomguy takes advantage of the chaos to commit more murder, giving Ichigo and Rukia time to have a tender reunion moment. The three then team up to take on Kokutou, Shuren, and the other baddies, possibly over the course of several different battles. (Probably like a third or so of the movie is this, and maybe the others show up to pair off and get some screen time. Doesn’t really matter.)

Eventually Shuren and the other chumps die and Kokutou becomes the big bad. Ichigo and Rukia do a big tag-team bankai attack to kill him after Doomguy provides them with an opening with a BFG9000 shot (as he is mostly doing add-clear).

Victorious, the three escape to the upper levels of Hell again, where they are met by reinforcements from Soul Society and explain that Doomguy is a friend. Eventually, Kisuke does some technobabble shizzlewizzle to send Doomguy back to the dimensions he more properly belongs to. Rukia gives him a parting gift of a drawing of him and Daisy in happier times. Ichigo gives him a fistbump and a CD player with some punk music, or a collection of edgy Shakespearean poetry or something.

Ichigo and Rukia share an epilogue to decompress and have some playful banter about how she’ll always be there for him just like he’s there for her.

Roll credits to At Doom’s Gate or BFG Division. Mid-credit sequence is Doomguy sitting on a massive demon corpse, making a detailed Chappy drawing of himself, Rukia, and Ichigo killing demons together as friends. End-credit sequence is Ichigo and Rukia playing an FPS game together on a console in pajamas or lounging clothes while laughing and bantering.

Like, yes, this idea is pretty stupid (although I am increasingly tempted to write it) and a frankly bizarre crossover. But you know what? It feels truer to the characters to me, and less contrived and dumb in setting up why what is happening is. It doesn’t really make the characters needlessly helpless or incompetent to generate those good moments of interaction.

And that is really my problem with Fade to Black: what it has to do to get the good moments outweighs them, for me. Maybe it’s because I just can’t turn my brain off and can’t stop doing critical analysis, but I always feel like the juice ain’t worth the squeeze. (And I kinda feel that way about all the animated movies. I was really surprised by how much I liked the Live Action: it nailed handling things perfectly.)

Other people like it, and that’s fine, but I don’t really intend to ever watch it again.

[buzzdixonwriter]

Super Duper Supermen

This will be a long one, so pour yourself a cuppa and settle down.   We may seem to meander, but we’ve got a destination.

. . .

I’m tired of superheroes.

I’m tired of a lot of genre fiction.

Part of the reason is that too much of the current material is ugly and loud, but the real reason is it isn’t fresh, it isn’t fun.

I tried watching The Boys.  I got to the end of the second scene of episode one and realize, “This ain’t for me” and turned it off and went over to YouTube and watched guys build model airplanes.

At least they look like they’re having fun.

. . .

Look, superheroes are a power fantasy and they’re okay for little kids who want to believe there’s always going to be a mommy or daddy who will protect them, but they’re an absurd genre at best and when you start taking them seriously -- and recently even the funny parodies and spoofs take themselves Too Damn Seriously -- they become horrific.

What prompted me to realize this is an article posted on The Vulcan by Abraham Riseman “The Boys Is the End of the Superhero As We Know It.”

Highly recommended, by the way.

. . .

It’s not like Riseman was the first to make this observation.

30+ years ago Gary Groth observed:

“Superman is one version of the hero with a thousand faces -- to employ the title of Joseph Cambell's excellent book on the subject -- and his appeal should therefore not surprise us.  But Superman is a crude version of the hero; if you will, an elementary one.  Unlike his more developed analogues in all the world's great religions, Superman does not offer love or goodwill, self-knowledge or contemplation as keys to man's salvation.  He offers his own physical powers.”

And he ain’t the only one.

Alan Moore recently chimed in:

“They have blighted cinema and also blighted culture to a degree. Several years ago I said I thought it was a really worrying sign, that hundreds of thousands of adults were queuing up to see characters that were created 50 years ago to entertain 12-year-old boys. That seemed to speak to some kind of longing to escape from the complexities of the modern world and go back to a nostalgic, remembered childhood. That seemed dangerous; it was infantilizing the population.

“This may be entirely coincidence, but in 2016 when the American people elected a National Socialist satsuma and the U.K. voted to leave the European Union, six of the top 12 highest-grossing films were superhero movies.  Not to say that one causes the other, but I think they’re both symptoms of the same thing — a denial of reality and an urge for simplistic and sensational solutions.”

. . .

I don’t like cruelty.

I used to enjoy old weird horror films back in the day -- movies like The Reanimator -- because I appreciated their absurdity and never took them seriously.

When the torture porn sub-genre came along, I lost interest in horror films.  

The Babadook is the only modern one I’ve seen in the last 5 years and I enjoy it because like earlier horror films (and here I include both classic Universal / RKO movies and the artistry of Mario Bava and Dario Argento) it’s essentially a very dark fairy tale, not an exercise in cruelty for the sake of cruelty.  

Violence doesn’t turn me off.

Sadism does.

And sadism is all about power and fascism is all about power, so when I remark on modern superhero and thriller and horror stories as being fascist, I know whereof I speak.

. . .

Superhero stories may not necessarily be tales told by idiots, but they are full of sound and fury, and signify nothing.

Ultimately superheroes fail because:

they can’t lose

they can’t win

There is no finality in the superhero genre.  The damn Joker keeps crawling back, Les Luthor constantly schemes, Dr. Doom and Galactus pop up whenever things lag in the sales department.

Superheroes as a genre are failures insofar as they can’t permanently deal with these existentialist threats, nor can they step out of the way to let others deal with them.

Superheroes promise salvation but deliver bupkis, slapping a band-aid on a cancer and telling us it’s all better.

They can’t permanently defeat their greatest threats, yet neither can they be truly harmed by them.

I’ll grant you the occasional Captain Mar-Vel but they are very minor exceptions to the rule.  Gwen Stacy was bumped off in The Amazing Spider-Man #121 in June 1973, first reappeared as a clone in May 1975 then several times thereafter, and most recently shows up as Spider-Gwen in Edge of Spider-Verse #2 (September 2014).  

As Roy Thomas aptly observed:  “In comics they’re only dead if you have a body and even then only maybe.” 

(In fairness, there’s no finality in most formula / genre fiction either, but we’ll get to that in a bit.)

. . . 

Before we delve deeper, let’s be clear as to what we’re discussing when we say “superheroes”.  

They don’t need to possess “powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men”.

As noted above, they just have to be:

always victorious

never in real danger

You can bash ‘em / trash ‘em / slash ‘em / smash ‘em and they still bounce back -- heroically -- to save the day.

Break both legs, riddle them with machine gun bullets, hit them with a car, cave in their skulls with sledgehammers, and yet somehow they summon up the super-human reserves needed to keep in the fight.

Mind you, in the real world there are people who display super-human endurance in horrific situations and not merely survive but go on to achieve incredible success.  They don’t do such things every year (as do heroes in movies), much less every month (comics) or every week (television). They sure as hell don’t make a career out of it.

Let’s veer away from brightly colored naked people flying & fighting to superheroes in a different genre than costumed crime fighters.

Mike Hammer is a superhero.

Sherlock Holmes is a superhero.

Philip Marlow might actually be a literary character.

Look at the criteria:  Can they lose?

Never in Hammer’s case.

Rarely for Holmes (and when he does, it’s always with bittersweet irony).

Frequently enough with Marlowe that one can’t anticipate if any of his stories will end with him victorious (yeah, he solves mysteries, but always at profound personal cost, and in more than one novel he ends up realizing he’s been a sucker all along).

Here’s another example that snaps the dichotomy into ever sharper relief:  

Samuel L. Jackson’s Shaft is a superhero.

Richard Roundtree’s Shaft is just a hero.

Roundtree’s Shaft is aware he can fail.

No “macho bullshit irony” as they say over at the Church of the Sub-Genius.

. . .

Superheroes don’t grow -- they decay.

They never truly use their power for good (because that would involve changing the world) nor do they adequately protect the innocent.

They serve no true function except to entertain and to be exploited.

Series novels and television shows can feature character growth, but the concept has to be baked in from the beginning (Jan Karon’s Mitford series and Armistead Maupin’s Tales Of The City books are two examples that spring immediately to mind).*

More typically, in series fiction the character/s show little actual growth; they are more or less the same at the end of their adventures as they were at the beginning, maybe a little greyer, maybe a little creakier, but essentially the same person.

Sometimes, particularly in military or nautical or police series, they may start out as a callow cadet but soon wise up to the stalwart hero we want to see.

As perfect an example of superhero decay can be found in the Die Hard movies.

The original’s superhero character, Detective John McClane, implausibly goes through a night of hell yet actually shows some character growth:  By the end of the film he’s able to swallow his pride and admit to his wife he was wrong.

A very farfetched movie but an emotionally satisfying one.  We’ll overlook a multitude of injuries that would have rendered him hors de combat in reality in exchange for the movie actually being about something.

All that gets chucked out in the first sequel, Die Hard 2, where the characters are thrown into a contrived situation to mirror the first film without the satisfying emotional growth but with far more ridiculous action;  Die Hard With A Vengeance jettisons McClane’s marital relationship except as an afterthought and ups the absurdity of the story (indeed, it’s best viewed as an action comedy); Live Free Or Die Hard totally trashes all the character growth before it; and A Good Day To Die Hard not only trashed previous character growth but went so badly over the top that it and the star’s aging out hopefully are the one-two punch needed to end the series once and for all.

. . . 

Look at non-superpowered / non-comic book superheroes and see how they fare.

D’Artagnan and the Three Musketeers are superheroes (conversely, Cyrano de Bergerac is not because the focus of his story is on who he is and not the what but the why of his actions; all the cool sword fighting is just bonus material).

Natty Bumpo is a superhero; anybody who can jump into a birchbark canoe from a tree branch 30 feet overhead without crashing through is a superhero because that character simple Can Not Lose.  

For that matter, most 1950s TV cowboys and virtually all Italian Western protagonists are superheroes.

Tarzan is a superhero. 

James Bond is a superhero (the SPECTRE / Blofeld arc in the novels and short stories actually do end up with him going through significant growth and personal change, ending with Smersh brainwashing him and sending him back to assassinate M…but then the British Secret Service intercepts him and a couple of paragraphs later he’s all better and off after The Man With The Golden Gun).

Modesty Blaise is a superhero.

Claire Starling is not a superhero, but Hannibal Lecter is (don’t give me that; even if you’re evil, when you’re the central character of a series of books / movies / TV shows you’re a damn superhero).

They’re all superheroes because they can’t lose and they can’t change their world and more importantly they can’t change themselves.

. . .

There is one exception to the above re superheroes, and that’s in the realm of sci- fi and fantasy stories.

Occasionally we find a character who becomes a king (viz Howard’s Kull) or a demi-god (viz Herbert’s Paul Atreides) and does alter their world for good or ill.

That, of course, is the ultimate power fantasy.

. . .

Fascism focuses on the Will and the Act.

It is a philosophy of movement.

It’s a philosophy that attracts the weak and the sadistic, because it promises protection from and power over others.

It’s a philosophy that actively seeks conflict, not necessarily overt violence, but the promise of same is always there.

. . . 

A brief sidebar to the other side of the comic book spinner rack.

Funny animals are essentially anti-authoritarian.

From Aesop forward to Carl Barks, their characters, filled with all too human foibles, can and do fail.

And when they win?

Ah, then it’s almost never by force or action, but by cleverness.

Funny animals are tricksters, accurately sussing out a situation and maneuvering to gain the best outcome for themselves without obtaining dominance over their opponent.

Bre’r Rabbit and Bugs Bunny.

Ducks Donald, Daffy, and Howard.

Superhero stories seems obsessed with keeping everything orderly and in continuity.

Without continuity, anything goes, and that’s fatal to the superhero trope as it annihilates authority.

Funny animal stories rarely feature continuity and when they do, it’s rarely rigorous.  If Porky Pig needs to be a businessman or a farmer or a studio executive or a traveling salesman, so be it.

He’ll be something else in the next story.

As tricksters, funny animals are bounded by one rule: They may save themselves and seek justice, but they will pay a penalty if they try to use trickery for selfish gain.

Howard the Duck -- “trapped alone and afraid / in a world he never made” -- is just trying to stay survive.

Daffy Duck -- greedy little miser that he is -- inevitably gets it in the neck when he tries to cheat someone.

Donald Duck -- floating somewhere between Howard and Daffy in his motivations -- finds no guarantee of success and reward, yet achieves success often enough to keep striving.  

He may battle mummies or a reluctant coke machine, his stories may take him around the world on an adventure or no further than his kitchen to fix dinner.

It doesn’t matter.

Who he is makes his stories compelling far more than what he does.

He’s not on a power trip.

He doesn’t feel he has to win every time.

And as a result, he has a much richer life than Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark.

. . . 

“So whaddya sayin’, Buzz?  ‘Superheroes is bad’?”

No.

I deny no one their pleasure.

But I also think there are times when we have to demand not just more of creators but of ourselves as an audience with the media we consume.

I only saw the first two scenes of the first episode of The Boys.

That was all it took to convince me not to watch it anymore.

For similar reasons, I have no desire to watch Mad Men or Breaking Bad or Better Call Saul or Game Of Thrones.  

I’ve picked up a strong enough vibe from each to know I’m not going to connect with them.

I’m certainly not saying you can’t enjoy them if you like.

Bu I am saying we’re cheating ourselves by not demanding more.

And until we start demanding more, the studios and streamers are only going to offer us less and less variety.

C’mon, people, we deserve more than that.

  © Buzz Dixon

  *  I’m sparing you a whole long analysis of The Mary Tyler Moore Show because frankly it goes too far afield of this essay’s central thesis and besides I can use it for another blog post in the future.

[kob131]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4DPZGlNP8I

I was watching MangaKamen’s video deconstructing Cvit’s Persona 5: Style Over Substance video and I...I just couldn’t watch it. Basically, Kamen’s own videos on RWBY and Cvit’s Persona 5 video are way too similar (in that both make logical fallacies just to avoid their assumptions.) So, despite covering this briefly, I’ll do it in full here.

And if MangaKamen himself sees this: You can’t keep responding to people, criticizing them for stuff that you do yourself. I literally couldn’t listen to your video on Cvit because of the hypocrisy. Stick to your own standards: people respect you more for it.

P.S. Don’t create a circlejerk in the reblogs and replies. I do not have the patience for it today.

Before I begin, I should point out a small bit of hypocrisy. In his “Cvit Doesn’t Understand Video”, he complains about an influx of videos all about going into unnecessary details about how X things suck, calling it the ‘Joseph Anderson effect.’ I bring this up because one of the videos he brings up is The Cosmonaut Variety Hour’s video on Kingdom Hearts (which is, being generous, 22 minutes.) MangaKamen’s video is, again generously, 38 minutes. And I do mean generaously because I automatically rounded up Cosmonaut’s and rounded down Kamen’s videos. I don’t think he should be complaining about that. 

While you could argue he was also complaining about the title as well: A. Kamen’s first RWBY video was literally titled “Whats Wrong With RWBY?!” with a title saying “Here’s why RWBY Sucks” in big bold letters. B. His video makes fun of people who are there to disagree with his title and nothing else and C. I watched Cosmonaut’s video on Kingdom Hearts: He’s actually more positive towards Kingdom hearts 3 than Kamen is to RWBY.

This is a small microcosism of he issue with his hypocrisy: it ends up affecting the quality of other videos too.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His first section is on ‘contrivances’ or ‘things that happen in a story that don’t make sense’. Before he even gives a true example, we run into yet another problem with Kamen. In his explanation, Kamen mocks the scene were Jaune gets hit on by the mothers of the kids he’s helping with an image of Miles Luna saying ‘Remember, NOT a self-insert!’.

Issue? The episode wasn’t written by Miles Luna, it was written by Eddy Rivas. How do I know?

The episode says so. This is especially egregious because he chews Cvit out for just typing in “Persona 5 sucks” into google and saying a certain source popped up...and yet typing in “Miles Luna Jaune Arc Self Insert” would actually bring up something that outright shows Miles is self conscious about Jaune to the point of avoiding his scenes (https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/7x3w4s/crwby_ama_w_miles_luna_kerry_shawcross_and_paula/du5dnc6/?context=3). So while Cvit may have been looking for evidence instead of thinking critically: he at least took the effort of doing a search result whereas Kamen probably made an on the spot decision with no sources whatsoever. Combine this with the fact this is not the first time he’s taken potshots at Miles and you have an effectively WORSE version of what he says Cvit did.

“But this is just a joke!” Yeah, and Sham-Amon was a joke about M. Night Shamalyan by Doug Walker. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t an insult and was correct (Shamalyan was actually a reason why the Airbender movie even RESEMBLED the cartoon.) That doesn’t make this okay, especially since I know a similar ‘joke’ towards someone he’s a fan of would get you a video made on you.

Now onto one of his examples: He says it makes no sense for Robyn to be allowed to run for Atlas’ council because ‘she is stealing supplies from the government.’ Issue is: judging by the footage he’s using, he’s talking about Volume 7 Episode 5 “Sparks” where Robyn created a blockade and stopped a supply truck Qrow, Clover, Penny and Ruby were on. She never actually makes a move to steal the supplies in the episode though. While you could argue it wwas implied because she had people behind them hiding behind camoflague-

In his Cvit video, he criticized the guy for saying that we don’t know how long Futaba’s friend was abused by her parents when Cvit makes the argument that the friend was abused for over a decade, never entertaining other possibilities. You know, what he does. (P.S. Sparks is the same episode with the Jaune-Mothers ‘joke’.)

He uses this faulty and hypocritical point to jump off into how it would be a bad look for her to steal from the government even if it was for a good cause and that most government prevent people from running because of this. See, not only is this still based on a point even Kamen would argue is not enough- The context in the scene (that Mantle hates Atlas government and Robyn’s platform is based off that discontent...Huh) would show that even if she was stealing, it would HELP her image. As for the ‘governments prevent people convicted of theft for running for office’- She hasn’t stolen anything yet STILL. Also, in his Cvit video, he complains about a point where Cvit’s source edited out preceding text to make the phrasing of a certain textbox look extremely awkward. So again, hypocrisy.

Then we have...another shitty joke. A really bad one too. It’s the scene with Weiss and Winter talking the training room with the audio taken out and speech bubbles that say ‘Why are we just staring at each other?’ ‘I dunno...just to look cool?’. Not only is this blatantly not what is happening (you can tell their heads are bobbing from talking), I literally cannot take this ‘joke’ any other way than a malicious potshot at the show. It doesn’t function any other way. I’m trying to be calm and concise but this stuff really harms any benefit of doubt I can give.

His next point is-Oh god damnit, the fucking Penny frame up AGAIN. You know what is more frustrating than a shitty point? A shitty point repeated ad nauseum. Before Kamen even made this video, I had already argued every single perspective of this. There’s literally nothing new he can give?

Security? We never see how Tyrian got in and considering his immense agility and stealth: he could snuck in or hid in the warehouse.

Fanaus night vision? Not all Fanaus have night vision and most of the crowd was seen trying to rush out of the warehouse (during a scene Kamen shows no less). He also says the show alludes to Atlas being a racially biased system...even though Jacques Schnee says he pays all his workers equally (AKA he treats all his workers like shit.)

Scrolls? Again, most of the people are shown trying to run away and no one who remains is said to have brought their scrolls.

Break in the argument for a smug laugh even though all he’s done is repeat other people’s failed arguments. (Issue with either being bitch basic with your arguments or copying others? I’ll have fought the issue long before you make it.)

Ends with saying “When the lights come back on, there’s no blood on Penny’s blades!” (Cognitive bias against Atlas. Like say, calling a character a self insert over a scene that wasn’t written by the person.)

He goes onto say that this is just the latest example of contrived writing but because his points are all faulty, it doesn’t come across as contrived: it comes across as normal but Kamen is too focused on making everything look as bad as possible.

“But what about Robyn’s Semblance?!”

I dunno, why do people say that the Covington Catholic kids are still racist when we have proof otherwise? Cognitive bias is a thing. Robyn wouldn’t try testing this (even assuming she COULD since it would be logical Penny just ran off after this in fear) because it al ready confirms her own biases.

His whole temper tantrum here is all based on around pure logic...something he himself has argued against in media. This thing goes on and on and it just test my paitence and gives me more and more reason to assume Kamen isn’t just missing info, he’s indulging in willful ignorance.

Then we have him bitching about Yang and Blake telling Robyn what is going on and how it’s contrived that they would think that Robyn was on their side since she hasn’t done anything good. Issue? This is all based on KAMEN’S perspective. A perspective that, at best, is heavily biased against Robyn.

Thing is, Robyn’s thefts (which began AFTER he said they did) were to help repair the break in Mantle’s wall protecting them from the Grimm, something Team RWBY agrees with. Of course they’d assume Robyn is a good guy since she’s acting in the interests of the people, something they do as well. Robyn’s only bad when you completely ignore how James brushes over the current struggles of the people is elected to protect and serve in order for his bigger picture, a method they don’t agree with. Something the show is showing isn’t a good idea as people see him as uncaring and unfeeling to their struggles. 

“But Ironwood has been helping them!”

Cool. That has nothing to do with him alienating his own allies through his paranoia, causing Yang and Blake try and make peace with Robyn themselves. There’s also the fact that the team should be opposing this. After all, it’s the same thing Ozpin did to them and they chewed him out over it. And unlike with the lying to Ironwood, there would be no hints that this hypocrisy would be intended by the showrunners. So Kamen is literally advocating for bad writing here.

This was added in post edit by the way so the man literally shoved in a point that does nothing but push the theory he is biased without ever considering what is necessary in the show. Even though he demands it from others. It’s really inconsistent. Dare I say...the standards are contrived?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next is the ‘design work’ part. He’s says this is gonna be positive for a moment and it does lack his usual malice. Doesn’t mean it’s good.

He criticizes the designs of the main cast besides Ruby. He says that Blake’s design now emphasizes the color white despite supposedly being black before. Issue is that her alternate Vol.2 and Vol.4 designs also emphasized the color white and her original design has equal part black and white. Weiss’s is supposedly that her dark blue dominates her design and is too busy to be elegant. Issue is that it’s only on the jacket and it’s mostly the same color as her previous design (even having more white.) As for being elegant: I could definitely argue it goes for a military-esque elegance. And Yang is...too brown? Uh...her original outfit was dominated by being brown.

He praises Ruby’s for still having it’s red coloring but...it’s too red. Her original design was actually closer to being goth than Blake’s and was mostly black with bright red frills and her signature cloak. And her hair has drastically changed, like he complained about with Blake.  He really shouldn’t be giving Ruby a pass here.

I have nothing to say about his point ‘they’re all too busy.’ I feel like any side I take will be too heavily influenced by my own feelings at this point.

He complains about the logic behind the long fabrics being easy to grab onto and says that because they justified the new outfits with ‘it’s cold’ they should listen here. Issue- Not only are these two different trains of logic but by his own arguments, he should be arguing for all of them to wear white and wear bulky armor since that’s logical as well, following his logic. He doesn’t set what the limit should be.

Honestly this whole part is just kind of fluff. A lot of nothing was said and kind of feels like it was put in just to make the argument ‘Well I said something nice about RWBY!’

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next up is ‘consistency’. ... Oh god.

“Aura was rewritten!’ He never cites what happened here but I know this dance so well I could get paid for it. Aura has always been a thing you needed to activate, back in Volume 1 where Jaune was cut by a branch and Pyrrha said ‘why don’t you use your aura?’. The supposed inconsistency comes from WOR: Aura saying it was passive even though certain definitions and uses of passive work under these examples. He also says that people cant use their Semblances when they run out of Aura but they still do, citing that old example of Yang’s Aura flickering in her character short. Flickering, not breaking. Meaning she still has Aura.

He also adds in that point about the WOR Atlas saying that the cold of Solitas killed the Grimm. While they are depicted as freezing here, it should be noted that the Grimm have been known to evolve and adapt. Meaning they could have easily evolved to withstand the cold. Again, editing out context which he says is bad.

“Hey, Miles. Kerry. You ever gonna acknowledge what you showed in the World of Remnant again these days?”

Dunno, are you ever gonna acknowledge what you say in your own videos? Glass houses Kamen.

I also find it funny that he calls out the ‘it’s just a cartoon!’ thing out of nowhere on a tangent even as he previously blocked me over this. Apparently contrivance is okay if it can be used as a shield. And if he has a problem with this, look over your videos not even just the RWBY ones You have said harsher- deal with it.

He goes onto criticize the argument of not all Fanaus have night vision because of specific moments...with Blake and Sun, only two Fanaus. In fact, the first example has him say that Blake and Sun used their night vision to escape a White Fang meeting. ... White Fang. Fanaus. He’s trying to argue that this is a case of Blake and Sun having night vision to contrast when she apparently ‘doesn’t’ but never notices that his own argument kind of confirms what the show said.

Then we have his other example of Blake against Illa were she couldn’t see Illa. A chameleon Fanaus. With camoflague. Where lighting up the room would alter how the colors look to see her more easily. ....

This whole point was about how the show doesn’t give strict rules to the Fanaus night vision, even though other shows with more fundamental powers (as in, the thing their premise is based on) bend these rules (like MHA with so many Quirks not being related to their physiology or Jojo bending every single Stand rule) for their plot. This isn’t directly bad as he says it is and he never emphasizes why anyone should care other than the strawman of ‘STRICT RULES!’ even as his own favorites don’t follow that.

He also says there’s no repercussions for the Penny cover up since he says it was to cause a riot to attract the Grimm but the Grimm disappear and people are being arrested for their rioting in  the next episode. ... The Grimm don’t invade until Episode 9. He’s talking about Episode 7. The arrest was for breaking curfew that Ironwood imposed afterwards to due the discontent from Jacques winning. Then we have the fact that Penny’s frame up leads to Robyn actually stealing supplies, which leads to Yang and Blake telling her about Amity, which leads to Ironwood’s paranoia taking over. So you know...kind of some of the biggest repercussions in the show.

I also remember he said it was to frame Penny in his contriavances section...which makes no sense if it was meant to cause a riot directly afterward. In trying to callout inconsistencies that don’t exist, he became inconsistent himself.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next part is “Don’t Show, Never Show”. .... How professional.

He begins by bitching at other people for misrepresenting his arguments about the Fanaus and how their oppression isn’t well shown. ... After he’s personally attacked the creators over a subject one of them is innocent and self conscious of and will mock that person for mocking his critics. Classy.

“Jacques is Orange Man bad stand-in-”

A. He never mentions anything about securing Atlas’ borders and in fact wants to OPEN them.

B. He’s never talked about making Atlas great or appealing to any sort of false patriotism.

C. He opposes the military whereas Trump supports them.

D. He has no slogans for his campaign, especially none like Trump’s/

E. He isn’t colluding with foreign powers aside from a generic bad guy orgnazation with no connections to the countries Trump is accused of.

F. Jacques being a slimy business man was made before Trump came into the presidency.

And G. Robyn Hill only connections to Hilarily Clinton is a gender and half a name (a name that is actually rather common in real life). In fact, considering her position is all about distrust in the government and appealing to the common man- She’s a closer stand in for TRUMP than Hilarlily. 

Again, argument’s been made a thousand times, beaten it a thousand times. 

His overall point is that Jacques is said to be a terrible parent but not shown, using the line from “This Life is Mine” ( Amazing how you conquered me, Chained me in servility) before going on to say that he ‘let her go to a different school’ (he was forced to), ‘Do whatever she wants so long as it doesn’t affect his business and reputation’ (contradicted by cutting her off, trying to limit her actions because of her ignoring his calls even though that does not affect his business or reputation), ‘spending his money at Beacon until she ignores his calls’ (finical abuse 101) and ‘she embarrassed him at a party by assaulting one of the guests.’

... The woman was outright mocking the people she knew, the ‘assault’ was an accidental summon, Jacques was trying to prevent her from just getting away from him, Jacques pressured her into singing for him despite her discomfort and never once tries to talk to his daughter like a person or calm her down, instead trying to silence her. All of THIS without getting his physical intimidation of grabbing her and slapping her, which is what Kamen strawmans the response being. Also ignoring what he did AFTER the slap, effectively trapping her in her room and spreading the idea she was unstable to save his image.

No amount of money matters here, ignoring once again that he tried withholding it once she acted outside what he wanted. That is the ‘chains of servility’ and I know you wouldn’t argue this outside RWBY. You’d be calling this ignorant beyond acception, Kamen.

“The worst examples of Jacques’ abuse happen outside the-”

Jacques’ worst abuse was being trapped in her own room for calling out the callousness of people smack talking a tragedy she went through. This is effectively mocking a war in front of a veteran then locking them in the basement while telling everyone they’re coocoo. That is in the show, stop trying to blame other materials THAT DO NOT EXIST just to appeal to a common compliant (about supplemental materials in RWBY).

“Well Winter abuses Weiss!”

So let me get this straight. A small smack on the back of the head before asking about her personal life to show she cares about Weiss (another example of cutting context) is at all comparable to abuse of parental power, controlling Weiss like a puppet and locking her up? What was your definition of contrivance and consistency again?

“Can I go off on a tangent?”

No. You have not earned that right. You have far exceeded any patience I should have given you. The fact I am STILL HERE is too much and I should just throw the rest of the video in that garbage dumb your delusion of the writing is. But I will STILL give you chance.

P.S. You use HBomberguy as an example? Even though one of the videos you chewed out in your Persona video (’Steven Universe is Garbage and Here’s Why’) is BASED OFF his work? So what? His hours long shit talking is okay? And no, this is not

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His next segment is titled ... “Okay What Is This Shit I’m Actually Cratching My Head I’m So Dumbfounded And Confused AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

... You misspelled “Scratching”.

He says the Grimm Attack after Robyn’s failed election was handled off screen. That never existed and the Grimm attacked THREE EPISODE LATER and is handled on screen.

He says that Jacques being arrested makes no sense because Watts can control technology and should have used it disable the security cameras in the Schnee Manor. As he outright says, Willow hid those cameras and Watts HACKS technology and cannot hack what he DOES NOT KNOW EXISTS. It’s outright said BY THE SHOW and SHOWN that he cannot just magically control technology.

He also questions how Willow got those cameras in there, ignoring that Jacques DOES NOT HAVE OMNISCENCE.  Why she did when she SAID it was to make sure he didn’t abuse her kids. When doesn’t fucking matter. It’s all pendantic bullcrap. You can apply this to any situation in media and I know Kamen would bitch about the show’s pacing if they did this because it would be boring as fuck.

He says that there was no foreshadowing that Willow set these cameras up which I would like to give...if not for the rest of his video which illustrates to me he would have made this point with or without foreshadowing.

“How come Robyn isn’t being arrested because she stole supplies?!”

A. Because you keep inferring she stole supplies BEFORE the election, I’ll have to assume it’s the same here and say SHE DIDN’T.

B. If you aren’t and have changed to saying AFTER the election: The show SHOWS YOU that they’ve been trying to arrest her. She’s been EVADING them.

C. If it’s at Jacques’ house: Remember what you said about image? Wanna guess how damaged Ol Jimmy’s image will be if he arrests his biggest critic while under suspicion of rigging the election against her AND being questioned for supposed abuse of power?

D. Gee, not like the heating system in an artic climate shut down, Jacques just got exposed for helping a KNOWN CRIMINAL TOO, The Grimm actually invade, they have to save all the people, things collapse between RWBY and Ironwood and a fuckton of other things of higher priority than one woman stealing supplies to fix something IRONWOOD HIMSELF SHOULD BE FIXING.

“Hur dur, Salem generic’

Says the Jojo and Yugioh fan. Say, how did your precious VRAINS turn out again hm?

“HEY, WHY NO RUBY TELL IRONWOOD AND TAKE RESPONBILITY?!”

Maybe because there’s a bunch of soulless abominations currently running amok in a city full of innocents so she should take responsibility as an official Huntress and do her damn job while the comparatively combat inept Oscar handle the non combat situation. Or did you want contrivance to work in your favor even though you’ve been proven to be a biased liar who will betray everything he stands in order to make a shit point about a flawed show he couldn’t criticize with a fucking guide on it?

“Why not have Ruby stand behind and say ‘I’ll catch up with you later’?-”

Because you’ll cut context and make her look irresponsible. Your suggestions mean NOTHING when you have proven that you have no honesty on the subject and will flip flop to suit yourself.

Also I love how you mock Mediaocrity4 for ‘treating his opposition as idiots’ as your fucking video STARTED and is littered with you doing JUST THAT. Fuck, I bet you’ll do JUST THAT with this post. 

“Oh look at this character who has been shown as overly emotional, rash and prone to not thinking when mad act in line with her character how dumb!”

Gee, like say...., A shut in otaku making constant video game and anime references in, let’s say, a JRPG filled with these references? 

Huh, guess you agree more with Cvit than you say.

“Dur, fistcuffs mean Jojo!”

Oh wait, Fist of the North Star did it first. And it’s a stable in most fighting anime. But hey, who cares in Kamen shanks Jojo in the back if it means lashing out against RWBY amirite?

“It’s like the context of the fights-”

Where the Ace Ops against RWBY are highly emotional, having felt betrayed by people they though as comrades and acting individually instead as duos or even as a team while all being people with shown emotional issues failing to defeat a far calmer and more developed team that have been working with them and are aware of their flaws?

Or that Clover tried to blindly follow Ironwood’s orders just as Qrow did in the past with Ozpin as the two characters heavily mirror each other, Qrow tried to fight Tyrian at first even as Clover attacked him and never actually helped Tyrian (in facting ATTACKING HIM at one point) after Clover tried arresting him in front of Robyn, someone known to do rash things when it comes to Ironwood?

I’m so glad you decided to FOR ONCE IN THIS ENTIRE, NEARLY FOURTY MINUTE VIDEO actually pay attention to the show and not the memes of the people who agree with you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Conclusion”

‘Like I said in the Steven Universe Movie, I don’t let the fanabse dictate my opinion on something-’

Which is why there wasn’t a single original viewpoint, perspective, criticism, wording or even ‘jokes’, all shit ripped straight from the mouths of others. It’s all shit I’ve seen before by other people. If I absorbed even more of this bullshit, I’d probably be able to see exact wordings in here too, I am THAT certain you didn’t think about this for yourself.

If you did, you would have noticed that you were repeating the exact same mistakes you constantly criticize in others. You would have seen that you were making assumptions based on your preconceived notion of ‘RWBY bad’ and not what the show itself was doing. You would have seen the vidnictive smugness you decried MatPat over. You would have seen the immense hypocrisy you called out before. You would have stuck to what you called your principles.

You have the failures of your biggest targets in this very video. The bias and brain rot of Quinton Reviews, the hack job of MatPat, the manipulativeness of Verlsify, the sheer level of bullshit of Cvit. You burned every single standard you set for others here, you did every wrong thing you screamed about, you failed in the same ways as those you profited from criticizing. Again, because I said all this THE LAST TIME and yet you got WORSE. 

You mock and belittle the creators even as you give them every reason to treat you like shit because even the worst they’ve done looks justified compared to what you pulled. ‘Oh they said that people being mean is so bad!’ says the man preying on his weakness. ‘Oh he’s shit talking his critics!’ says the open liar. ‘Oh the writing was done by platypuses!’ says the man who wants to be taken seriously. ‘Oh it’s just a joke!’ Says the man who bitched out MatPat over jokes. 

And I guarantee you’ll cry foul at me if you ever find this, decrying me as just a salty RWBY fanboy. And this time, I’m not accepting any excuses. You HAD your chances. 

4chan trolls are more respectable than you. They have principles and stick to them. Fanboys are more respectable than you. They don’t claim to be anything else. And yes, your targets are more respectable than you. Their channels aren’t based on hypocrisy THIS deeply rooted.

I regret ever watching you because you were clearly speaking out of your ass.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Post-Edit:

So i edited a couple of my less explained points to get my issue across. Just saying this here so that no one accuses me of editing the source for malicious purposes.

As for why I didn’t rewrite the last two sections to remove my anger: that stays to prove a point. I had tried to stay neutral or at least calm throughout the video. But my frustrations just kept on building as you became increasingly smug and condescending, even though you called out such shit against others. I can’t even respect your arguments as arguments because considering the erratic nature of this video as well as how out of place some of them are (”Orange Man Bad”): it sounds like you just took every single compliant ever said about Volume 7 and threw it in. 

You end all your videos saying ‘Examine Your Fandom’. Did you ever do that yourself?

[neirawrites]

I was a Twihard in high school. Then I was a Twilight hater. In  2018, I decided to reread the first book, to see for myself on which side I belonged. I wrote my thoughts as I read, in multiple parts, but on my main blog, so I thought I might share them on my writeblr too, because I kinda had fun with it. 

Enjoy my many, many notes

Pages 0-50

I’m actually kinda into it. Yeah, there are a many issues every article on editing tells you to fix (filter words, -ing verbs and things like that), but i feel it. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there.

Bella isn’t that bad of a protagonist. Nothing too spectacular, but she’s fine. She is depressed, self sacrificing and hides her feelings, but also a lot more self aware than i though she would be(like when she notices mike, my son, likes her). She’s a typical teenage girl, the introverted type, way into reading. there’s nothing wrong with that.

I don’t know why i remember Edward being a draco in leather pants,but he’s also fine for now. mysterious and handsome and a bit weird. The first real conversation they have, he’s polite and nice and charming. I expected him to be a dick for like 150 pages at least.

Pages 50-100

I’m still really into it.

Yeah,Edward kinda ghosts her/gaslights her after the whole van incident, but with the benefit of hindsight,i kinda get it. It’s a wonder he didn’t pick up his entire family and moved to Alaska again. I also get her mood during that time and I've been there so i feel ya,Bella,it’s not your fault.

And yeah, Bella gets invited to the dance by three different guys and it’s all kinds of fan fic-y, but the fact she turns them down furthers my belief she’s wake up married to Edward in like a few years and realize she would rather be with Rosalie (a solid choice, might i add).

Edward’s really pushy, especially when it comes to the scene after she faints. like, let her go, you jerk, she can drive herself, but he’s more weird than he’s a jerk and i think that was intentional.

A big surprise was the line “what if i’m not the hero, what if i’m the bad guy?” which isn’t this super cheesy, extra dramatic sentence but a jokey joke told with a laugh. actually, that whole conversation in the cafeteria where she tries to guess what he is is gold and don’t try to tell me otherwise.

I’m reading her interests in him as less of a romantic thing, and more of frustration at his behavior,like she would still be fascinated by him if he wasn’t so hot because he’s just so weird (but being hot is definitely a plus).

Plot? What plot?

Still, while the flaws are there, i’m still enjoying it very much.

Pages 100-150

Is Stephanie Meyer into anime? Cuz she wrote a harem light novel,that’s what she did and that’s how i’ll read it from now on and have more fun doing it. (Might make a post elaborating on this further).

All this to say that we got to Jacob. Not gonna lie, I kinda forgot about him.  He seems like a nice kid and i’m glad Bella has some positive interaction. Team jacoj 4 life (jk,man,i was team jasper in high school which is in retrospect very weird of me). I know he becomes a friend-zoned dudebro later, but for now, he’s fine.

Meyer, lady, you’re winning me over as a half hearted defender of your work, but why are the girls so bitchy? Yeah,i know, bitchy girls exist in real life, especially in high schools,but girls are our friends and we need more positive female on female interactions. Just my personal preference, I guess.

Things are getting interesting. Bella’s dreaming weird dreams (just fyi, not a big fan of dream scenes in general), she’s googling like crazy  and we’re going to Port Angeles.

I never felt she has any sort of affection for Angela or Jessica who seem really nice and have done nothing wrong. Like loosen up Bella, give them a chance. I know, depression makes you into a bitch sometimes, but it would warm me up to her character if she was a little more affectionate with people around her.

That whole scene where she almost gets at best beaten up and mugged and at worst raped and killed is… not my favorite part of the whole thing. I get what Meyer needed to do, to have her be saved by Edward, but there must have been a better way to go about it. What do I know? I’m the queen of forced plot contrivances. I do like their conversation at the restaurant (again, why do we hate the female waitress, Steph?). I don’t know why, I expected Edward to be mad at Bella for what happened to her and he seems genuinely concerned and his anger feels… human. Some of his actions, however, do not.

He stalked her which is weird and creepy and I hate it. Don’t stalk people, Edward. most of us don’t like it. you’re lucky Bella’s a weirdo.

150-200

I kinda love how ok she’s with the whole vampire thing. she’s just “well, this kid i barely know told me a scary story, so i guess the guy from school is a vampire. it be like that sometimes.” my first assumption would be it’s all an elaborate prank to make fun of me (i have some deep seeded trust issues origins of which remain unknown). and he’s waaay to quick to confirm her suspicions. I think there’s an explanation in the part of midnight sun that got leaked, but that was like a century ago.

I would criticize her for being ride or die with Edward so fast, falling in love with him so quickly, but i exchanged like 5 sentences with a cute girl last night and a part of is ready to propose based on the artiness of her instagam, so who the eff am i to judge?

and i get why he’s fascinated with her. she’s the only one he can’t read.

why? i don’t think that question ever gets a good enough answer, but it’s a fictional story about a girl falling in love with a sparky vampire. i’m not here for complex science or detailed explanations.

he seems waaay too protective of her. She’s a big girl, Ed, she can take care of herself. It’s actually kinda annoying. i dislike how he treats like a child a lot of the time. he seems pretty condescending. also, if he broke her car, i’m taking back everything nice i said about him.

ok, let me finally address bella’s biggest character flaw, her clumsiness. i mean, i get why she has it but Meyer goes a bit too hard on it. i’m clumsy, i really am, full of bruises, always bumping into things, but Bella can’t walk 20 meters without tripping. i guess i’m just glad she becomes a vampire in the book four, otherwise the book five would have been about her struggles when she’s diagnosed with a stage four inoperable brain tumor that’s been mesing with her sense of balance and the whole things turns into a weird version of the fault in our starts.

if i were writing it i would focus on her trust issues and being unable to form real bonds with other people as her main flaw, maybe even use it to try and justify the whole thing with the mind Edward can’t read. Like, she’s too different in a way that makes her unable to connect even on a basic level, like that one Blue whale that sings at a different frequency than all the others. Idk,i write pulpy sci fi. but it’s easy to be a general after the battle.

we got to the two infamous lines:

how are you? 17. how long have you been 17?  is another line that’s more jokey than i though it would be, but also the most realistic piece of dialogue in this book. i would so ask the same thing.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, this paragraph has been memed to death. Second, there was a part of me-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that would know every word of it till the day i died. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in like with it.

200-300

Not gonna lie, the whole part where he goes around asking her questions he is legitimately interested in knowing the answers to is at the same time my kinkiest fantasy and my deepest fear. like, yaaas, daddy, get to know me on the personal level and don’t be turn off by the fact i’m a tabula rasa.

We got to the infamous meadow scene and Bella is sooo horny on main for that vampire stake it’s actually kinda funny. She gets so effing into it she faints. I fucking love this girl. Go get that adonis dick, Bella, you deserve it.

I don’t mind vampires sparkle.i mean,it’s lame and fanfic-y but in Bosnia we have the lampires so vampires are creatures with a high dose of plasticity. i don’t know why that was like the worst thing anyone has ever done to the vampires. They are kinda too strong and could use a real weakness tho.  

So the lion fell in love with the lamb is kind of another joke. Also, this is the skin of a killer is sadly just in the movie.

I do have the feeling he likes the project that he sees in Bella more than the real girl,but ok. Also stop nagging her. He watches her sleep. What a creep. I don’t know why, but the fact that he’s a vampire who doesn’t have to sleep makes it kinda less creepy for me. I don’t know why.

But “if i could dream at all i would be about you,” is the kind of ultracheese i can get behind. they are both such teenagers and i kinda looooove it.

Also non of the boys were her type is such a lesbian excuse. I feel ya Bella, i feel ya. I hope you discover your gayness after the end of breaking dawn.

We meet the cullens and every single one of them has a backstory like 528 times more interesting than Edward. i need novels about them, all of them ffs. it would be so cool. but, one of my favorite oc’s Errien Lark gets like 30 lines in the whole book so i can only be as harsh on Meyer as on myself (which is to say a lot. neither of us deserve these characters, honestly)

This book would have been more interesting if Bella fell in love in any other cullen. Like, Bella and Alice, Bella and jasper (Bella and Jasper and Alice. Sorry, i’m into solving love triangles with ot3s).Bella and Rosalie, Calilise, Esme, even Emmett, who i remember  as mike of the vampires, but it’s been a decade.

300 pages in and plot is yet to happen, but it’s ok. we have the vampire baseball next.

the last part.

get your hot takes! hot takes right here

I kinda like billy. He seems like a nice guy. Also billy/charlie as my new otp.

“The beautiful one,the godlike one.” Bella, you are such a teen.

The less fucks she has about him being an all powerful ancient creature of the night who can murder her in a heartbeat, the funnier it is. She is just soo casual about it. Comedy gold, i tell ya. i mean, this is actually part of the narrative, Edward comments on it, meyer knows what she wrote.

Ed,maybe is you stopped saying she smells good, you would be better at not thinking about her as food. Mind over matter. Just a thought. Maybe i misjudged his virgin ass. Maybe ed the incel actually fell in love with her. Or at least what he thinks is love since they’ve been dating for like two days (look who’s talking?the girl who reads any sign of affection as a statement of love and then gets disappointed).

“Emmett could never be compared to a gazelle”. That’s sexist steph. Emmett, honey, you are as gracious as you want to be.

Also a big yaaaas on the whole concept of vampire baseball. we needed more of it.

Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot!

We have encountered plot. Only 320 pages in. three bad vampires came into town.

Story time: when i was in high school, all like 20 of us in out class were really, really into twilight (dudes included). we quoted it all the time but the height of comedy happened when someone brought their friend from another school to out class and someone else was like “you brought a snack” and a meme was born to be quoted endlessly for months. it was actually kinda fun. and probably very annoying for anyone who wasn’t into twilight.

Also, any development? Backstory? Motivations other than for the hell of it for out boi James and his ginger girlfriend? come on, it wouldn’t even be that hard. Also, some foreshadowing? There was like one line before. This is a legitimate criticism. it’s kinda shitty writing and a wasted opportunity.

Edward is being a dick again. I get he’s scared but her dad could die. Or maybe they’ll trun him into a vampire too (charlie/Edward? Think about it). But they all call him out on it which is nice. Bella’s plan isn’t bad, but “let me go charlie” is the straight up coldest thing i have read in a long time. it’s supposed to be, this isn’t criticism, just stating the obvious. But she showed like an inclining of love for her dad who has been nothing but nice all this time. Yeeey, she’s not a robot.

“It was the best idea. Of course it was mine” . Yaas, queen, you’re not that much of a doormat;  take that credit.

i would do something to foreshadow the ballet studio thing in the first half of the book. at least, have Bella or Charlie looking at pictures from her recital, just to intricate it to the plot a bit more.

Ok, now i remember why i was team jasper. He is so effing nice. And he would be awesome for my depression. Neira/Alice/jasper, i ship it.

i’m kinda digging the explanations of how vampires work and the whole venom thing. They are still op af and need to be nerfed, but i wanna be one.

Of course, he used the mom. She’s like the only person bella actually cares about. She falls for it. i would probably fall too, but i’m dumb.

the fact that james hunted Alice is a nice and a very much needed twist. it did catch me of guard. i would be more mad he’s a bad guy monologing, but i can only introduce stones to my own glass houses.

Bella’s now more into the idea of being a vampire than into Edward and i’m living for it. she’s going to use him for his venom and a baby and run off with rosalie.

“and how many times did she fall our of a window?” (yes, that is a Sherlock reference in the year 2018 of our lord. maybe i should do that for my next project. should i wait a few more years?)

her mom is not worried enough, honestly. my mom would be freaking out. but my mom has anxiety issues, so idk… (i couldn’t get her smooth hairless legs, or her blue eyes but i got that gene. thanks, i guess) .

“And i have a couple of girlfriends” now that’s a novel i want to read but i guess i’ll have to write the lesbian twilight myself.

“I want to be superman too”. yeeees, finally, kristen steward in the role of superman casting of the century. you would all watch it and love it, and you know it.

Charlie doesn’t deserve this shit. when will he retire with his husband billy in their cabin where they can fish all day.

“Do you want me to bolt the door so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?“ Are we sure she hasn’t been a vampire from day one?

Jacob is a sweetie (for now) just putting that out there.

Edward is kinda being unreasonable. being a vampire in your universe isn’t that bad.

Aaaaw, and that’s a wrap.

i actually kinda digged it. it’s nothing special, but i read these last 150 pages in one sitting. my main issues are writing oriented. very little foreshadowing, many filter words and things like that, but i guess if you aren’t that into writing, you might not even notice more of that.

it’s not the death of literature, it’s not the worst love story ever told. it’s just a silly and mostly harmless wish fulfillment novel.

edward can be a controlling and condescending prick but he gets called out on it very often. it’s not like meyer is completely oblivious to what she’s writing. and even tho he’s 100, i guess they are all mostly stuck mentally at the age when they were turned. or at least that’s how it seems to me. bella is kind of a bitch to everyone who’s not a vampire and she’s never called out on it, there’s a glimpse of change in the epilogue, but i don’t think meyer really considered it a character flaw. which is a shame, as it could have made for an interesting character. all the vampires have stories i would rather read about, as i said before, but what can ya do? that’s what’s fanfics are for.

i may write more of cohesive thought on it when it settles in my brain, but first, i need to watch the movie. i have a hypothesis i need to test.

but i don’t regret doing this. it was kinda fun and now i’m no longer ashamed of my twihard phrase. i could have done worse, as far as teen phases go.

Someone should like write a fanfic, but Edward is not a vampire, but a rich guy. And he’s into some hard core spanky business. And they should take all the problematic elements and just crank them up to 11. And add a looot of sex. I bet they could make millions.

Tho, honestly, how can you read twilight and not make bella the kinky dom? you fundamentally misunderstood the story. for shame

[muffintonic]

My fanfic trope tier list! (I saw @fanfic-inator795 do this the other day and thought it looked fun, haha.) Make your own here!

Placement reasoning under the cut.

S

Friends to Lovers: excellent, very natural that your lover would also be your friend.

Slow Burn: I like getting absorbed in a story, and the speed that I read at means I need longer ones so i’m not like, “Aww, man, that was it?” Also, the slow burns usually allow for progression at a more realistic pace as well as character development/analysis.

Mutual Pining: two people who love each other and eventually get together....Nice.

Missing Scenes: I am very nosey about characters i’m invested in, and sometimes I feel like whole other episodes and such could have been based off of what isn’t shown in between scenes.

A

Sharing a Bed: I like seeing the different ways that people contrive the bed-sharing to happen, haha. Also, there’s usually a lot of funny moments when getting to see the characters’ panicked thoughts. (The Kico WIP i’ve been sporadically working on since 2015 involves this, haha.)

Established Relationship: we don’t usually get to see this in media, so it’s refreshing!

Fluff: usually goes hand-in-hand with the above, and sometimes it’s nice to just know there’s nothing but happytimes happening.

Huddle for Warmth: similar to the bed sharing one, it’s all about the setting....with a side of either fluff or panicking, haha.

Fairytale AU: i’m a sucker for fantasy, and it’s fun to see which fairytales people use and their personal takes on them.

Magic AU: see above.

B

Fix it Fic: i’m not usually dissatisfied with how canon handles things, so this type of fic is, like, solely reserved for BOTW, bwaha. I’ve been really into BOTW since I got it/finished it last summer, though, so i’ve been reading a lot of The Champions Survive/Get Resurrected stuff and the ones i’ve read have had excellent worldbuilding and such.

Hurt Comfort: the intimacy of patching someone up/the thought behind it....Nice.

Fake Relationship: I am again a sucker for contrived coincidences, panicking, and realizations (another trope in my Kico WIP, though it only appears a little and is fake married). These sometimes come with angst though, which is why it’s not higher.

Gen Fic: I don’t often see these, but I...like the idea of them (I have an eternal WIP of my own for WBB that’s combined with Missing Scenes)? Also, sometimes the world isn’t built quite enough or we don’t get to see it utilized to its full extent in canon.

Humor: I wasn’t sure if this meant, like, fics written solely for comedic purposes or something, but I took it to mean having funny moments in them?? I love comedy above all else (which is why most of the A tier tropes are A tier--the inherent funniness of the situations to me).

In Vino Veritas: having what’s hidden in a character’s heart be exposed in a way that usually results in later panic....Nice (as evidenced by my own take in that one Perryshmirtz fic I did, haha). However, i’m not a big fan of alcohol for numerous reasons, which is why it’s not higher.

Soulmate AU: I don’t often find versions of these that I like, but when I do they’re pretty good. Worldbuilding and slow burn is a must for these.

Coffee Shop AU: I never really liked these before I got into BOTW....hmmm. Maybe it’s because I don’t really like characters from, like, slice-of-life/normal universes being changed into something even MORE mundane/too much like real life?? It’s fine if it’s an adventure story being calmed down, haha (but, like, ONLY adventure--I don’t like the idea of fantasy stories like Strange Magic getting dulled down to that extent).

C 

*most of the tropes here are only not a D because I reserved D for the ones I hate/am most apathetic towards

Arranged Marriage: I don’t usually see these done well (bad characterization/not enough worldbuilding), and arranged marriage is still a thing that happens nowadays in real life so it’s kind of.....

Body Swap: I’ve only found a few renditions of this that I like, namely the funny ones where they’re all like “Wow so this is how it feels like to be a teeny tiny--” *gets punched.* Unfortunately, most of the ones for this trope are, like, either somehow super angsty or have consent problems.

Canon Divergence: another one that rarely has good characterization/logical divergence/follows the established rules already set in canon while being a take on “But what if THIS had accidentally happened instead.”

Historical AU: as someone who minored in History in undergrad, boy howdy is history a touchy thing to make fanfic about. I think there’s only been one AU of this that i’ve liked, and it was for a movie that already had its own version of history/the original canon wasn’t based on our world at all.

Time Loop: kind of a scary thing to think about.

Royalty AU: being a good leader is hard, which means there’s usually not a lot of time for gallivanting. Despite this, there tends to be a lot of that (and poor worldbuilding) in these types of fics.

Amnesia Fic: I don’t like it when someone forgets their loved ones.

First Kiss: I think first kisses are over romanticized. First kiss with the person who is now your lover? Good. First kiss overall? No.

Angst: reality (and sometimes the canon) is dark enough, thanks. Light angst with a happy ending is fine, but I seriously hate characters being subjected to one painful thing after another (I once read an entire published book where that was the case and I was just....so infuriated by the end).

Enemies to Lovers: rarely done to my taste. The two people have to be relatively on the same moral spectrum otherwise this DOESN’T WORK as a good/functioning relationship. Like, you can’t pair off someone who, say, killed their dad, spearheaded a war against innocents, and tortured the other person with the other person. Even when it’s someone who, for example, tried to destroy the entire universe, continually emotionally abused their only friend, laid siege to innocents despite knowing that it was wrong, killed the parent of that other person’s best friend, and physically/emotionally abused that other person, it’d be extremely short-sighted to pair them with that other person without AT LEAST them acknowledging how completely toxic they’ve been and spending a good amount of time (roughly equal or greater to how long they’ve been horrible) establishing that they have indeed changed and are making progress towards reparations and even betterment. Perryshmirtz? Good. Butterfly Bog? Also good. Those are the only two good examples I can think of.

College AU: pretty much in the same boat as the Coffee Shop AU, but sometimes I disagree with what majors get picked for the characters, haha. Good choice for characters around that age, but for some reason I don’t like it when characters get de-aged to make this work. I have yet to see one for older characters that keeps them that age--older people go to college! There was, like, a mom in my Abnormal Psychology class in undergrad!

D

ABO: horribly graphic, mostly non/dubcon, and reduces people to their biology.

Crossover: the media i’m invested in are usually so vastly different from one another that my brain just refuses to have them mix.

Dark Fic: like Angst, but worse. No thanks.

Major Character Death: I read the fix-it-fics to AVOID this, bwahaha!

High School AU: similar to College AU where I dislike characters being de-aged for this, which is unfortunately common. Also, Your Experiences Are Not Universal.

Crack Fic: I am generally a stickler for canon. Boo, absurdity!

Miscommunication: JUST FREAKING OPEN YOUR PIE-HOLE AND TALK TO EACH OTHER.

Pregnancy Fic: not a big fan of the idea of pregnancy in general (the squishing of the organs, mood swings and whatever, that thing where your blood pressure can get super high randomly, dying in childbirth, postpartum depression, etc).

Love Triangle: these can usually be solved by either 1) poly relationship 2) maybe DON’T choose the “bad boy” that disrespects you and is emotionally distant?????

Unhappy Ending: WHY would I want this??????? See: Angst

Unrequited Love: similar to the above.

PWP: maybe it’s my aceness talking, but to quote Doof: “Backstory, backstory, backstory!”

Sex Pollen: too much like PWP, but with more consent problems

Bang or Die: see above

Baby Fic: similar to Pregnancy + I....can’t really imagine a lot of my favorite ships with kids?? Like, Butterfly Bog/Potionless and Panlie, sure. Doof already has Vanessa/Norm and Perry is an uncle......maybe Po and Tigress if they adopt?? I feel like they could also just be teachers together and their students would be their “kids.” Meh.

[comic-panels]

September 2019 Movie Round Up

Trying a new thing where I just shout out some of the neat (and less neat) new movies I’ve seen recently that I haven’t written about yet.

Good Boys

It’s live action South Park without the smug sense of self satisfaction that can make South Park insufferable. But it also doesn’t do anything to distinguish itself. It’s a comedy that succeeds at being funny. Good enough boys.

Crawl

Just solid. A family drama about a young woman and her estranged dad where also a bunch of people get eaten by alligators. Also there’s a hurricane. Uses it’s space well as the water levels rise and our heroes climb up their house. The kind of polished B-movie everyone bemoans us not getting anymore. Quite fun.

Tigers are Not Afraid

Gritty fairy tale magical realism applied to kids orphaned by the drug war. Doesn’t execute on that premise well enough for me to embrace it but it’s a interesting enough watch. I think it needed to either go farther with its fantasy or make it more ambiguous about if the magic was even real.

The Nightingale

A very well made movie that I do not love. This is a movie that is actively unpleasant (there are a string of rape scenes early on) but that’s not necessarily a deal breaker for me. What’s a bigger issue is that movie falls into a bunch of bad tropes. Despite its great performances and moments it’s still a story where two characters overcome their racism by traveling together. For all it’s ambition, this is still just another movie with a magical black man. It could have been much worse and it’s certainly better than The Revenant. I’ve got other nitpicks, such as what characters get to do what. But I don’t know that you could tell this kind of story that much better, it’s just not the kind of story I want.

Also I prefer revenge stories where catharsis is possible. I just like fun fantasy hyper violence, more than grim and empty realistic violence. There’s way more onus on movies that do the latter to justify themselves.

I will say that it executes on nightmare ghosts much better than Tigers are Not Afraid.

Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Totally delightful. It’s the kids version of The Last Crusade but I’m fine with that. Honestly this movie plays the fairy tale realism with kids card better because while it presents Dora’s past adventures as a childhood fantasy, there is also a cartoon fox in a mask who is a basically a Looney Toon.

I have no particular affection for Dora the Explorer as I’m too old for it. I actually did have enough interest in the form and curiosity to check it out, but the long silences where kids are supposed to yell at the screen made it unwatchable for me in a way that Blue’s Clues was not. But I was immediately down for a movie Dora has to become a normal high school student. That kind of premise just inherently appeals to me.

Also Dora sings a song about digging a poo hole. 10/10

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Quentin Tarantino is officially an old man filmmaker.

That doesn’t make Once Upon a Time in Hollywood bad per say, but it does mean that I’m inherently less a fan of it than his previous work.

Ok, but also what do I mean by that?

Mostly I mean that this movie lacks the fiery purposeful rage of his previous movies, which is really what made the historical revisionism of his last 3 movies really work for me. There’s still an element of the historical revenge fantasy present here; he is still reimagining the Manson murders. But instead of rage at a broken world, we have sentimentality and nostalgia. This is Tarantino just doing a bunch of shit he’s wanted to do for a while and also a movie happens. Eventually.

Like Django Unchained or Death Proof, this movie is kind of structured where there is one entire movie and then another movie follow up after that. Only there’s basically no story to the first movie this time. There’s setup and world building, but also just a lot of time spent on little indulgences.

The prime example is that there is a part of this movie where Tarantino inserts Leonardo DiCaprio into The Great Escape as the Steve McQueen’s character. This is not even a thing that actually happens to the character in the movie. It’s just a pure visual indulgence.

And really just nothing happens. Well, until the timeskip; but again that kinda feels like another movie.

For an old man movie where nothing happens I was at least engaged the whole time. The talent involved carries the film despite the nothing plot.

It’s bottom tier Tarantino, but at least he doesn’t act in this one.

Ready or Not

At face value This seems like another White Get Out. A plot contrivance to make a white person oppressed and trapped. But Ready or Not overcomes that by just being so much goddamn fun.

The better comparison is to call this Satanic Cult Die Hard. One Woman trapped in a house with a family that’s made a deal with the devil trying to kill her. The extra wrinkle is that they’re not actually experienced at this and are pretty bad at it.

By the time Samara Weaving was crawling out of a corpse pit I was fully in.

Satanic Panic

Another Satanic cult movie, although this one is more traditional in that it really is just low budget exploitation schlock. I liked it a lot. It’s not as good as Ready or Not but I still found it super charming and fun.

Has a killer bedsheet. 10/10

Luce

Ok, I fucking hate this movie.

The thing that made Luce an insufferable movie to watch for me was the way it felt the need to hammer its themes directly, over and over. It’s the perfect kind of movie for people who leave to go to the bathroom or take a few naps during a movie.

As someone who pays attention I found that incredibly tedious.

Add on top of that unlivable and unsympathetic characters, the nuanced understanding of race in America that one would expect from a standard Oscar Contender and basically no understanding about how the legal system works. There are some good performances if you’re into good acting in a bad movie.

I had a bad time. But at least now I know how bad this movie is. That’s something I guess.

Don’t Let Go

So this movie is kind of the Blumhouse Tilt version of Your Name. There are big differences: there’s no body swap, it’s about an Uncle and his niece and it’s standard drama instead of anime. But it is a story about two characters talking across time where the stakes are the character in the past is dead in the present.

It’s not amazing, the characters are kinda dull, but once the gimmick kicks in it’s fun enough. It’s really just that high concept premise that elevates this movie though, other than that this is just an episode of a Cop show that doesn’t exist.

It Chapter Two

The epic conclusion of a series even though this is just a sequel. Born out of the success of the previous film we get a three hour sequel that is both a sequel to that other movie but also is kind of just the full blooded adaptation of the book, with the cutting back and forth from the adults to the kids.

Chapter 1 was a more streamlined movie, pulling out a singular arc from the kids’ experiences with It. Chapter Two is more episodic, winding and bloated. It feels more like a book in that way. Every character has to face their trauma separately and obtain an item from their past. And all of them do, meaning that we get 5 scenes in a row that are pretty much the same. It’s the kind of thing that’s crazy for a movie to do but works fine in a novel, but I do also think it works in an epic finale to a series.

This is the Avengers: Endgame of It movies.

It’s the kind of movie that will make you ask “Can a Horror movie have too high a budget?” as Bill Hader runs away from a giant Paul Bunyan statue (Something that was Stephen King’s idea apparently).

For a three hour horror movie that’s not scary I really needed one thing from this: good character banter. And It Chapter Two delivered. I had a good time.

Thank you for your time.

[nobleelfwarrior]

FMA 2003/Conqueror of Shamballa Ending Almost Ruined the Whole Show

Hi, controversial take, probably, but I actually enjoyed FMA 2003. I finally watched it for the first time and I enjoyed seeing some of the otherwise incidental side quests the took, like meeting imposters, and a man binding souls to dolls. The Homunculi were fascinating and the main villain was clever and, even though I had seen bits of the show before when my friends watched it at my apartment, I was still surprised. It was, over all, a great show. And then the ending started. 

Spoilers ahead. Duh.

Al starts by sacrificing himself as the philosophers stone to bring Ed back from the dead. This also brings Ed’s arm and leg back, but Al is gone. It’s a little weird that they can bring back the dead now, but I’m willing to let it slide because it’s the philosopher’s stone. Then Ed, unwilling to let Al go, jumps back into the gate to find him. He ends up on the other side of the gate with his father and without his limbs and Al is in Amestris with his body and without his memory.

So I have a few problems. Why did Al loose his limbs. It’s implied that the memories were the price for Al’s body, so what happened to Ed’s limbs? I didn’t like it. If they decided to never restore Ed’s limbs in the first place, that would be ok, but to take them back after he just got them seemed contrived. Like, technically they won, but they went back to square one.

Al’s memories are a problem too. While they explain why Al is a 10 year old without memories, it is narratively flawed. They just undid years worth of character growth and personality for no reason. If they took Ed’s limbs as payment and let Al keep his memories that would have made more sense and would have felt less like I just got cheated.

Now, Conqueror of Shamballa. I’m going to take the problems in roughly chronological order. There are some criticisms that I’m not going to dedicate time to because I know other people have said it more eloquently than I did.

First, the atomic bomb. Not only could that have been completely removed from the story with no ill effects, it was a bad idea. If our world is the world where physics prevailed over alchemy, why was the bomb made in Amestris? Also, the creator of the bomb says he’s a man of science, in contrast to the Elrics, who never correct him and say that Alchemy is science. If I were to redo Conqueror of Shamballa, I would have cut the bomb completely.

The idea of doubles is barely dealt with. They have different personalities, but how does Ed deal with it? He distances himself from Alphonse by never calling him Al, which is the only thing we see, except for Bradley.

Magic is real. Some people are able to use alchemy with magic, but only in Amestris.

Izumi is dead because we have a very full cast as it is.

Major Armstrong is only portrayed as being glamorous and egotistical. He more or less takes over Leore with his family and it was very uncomfortable, even though he promised wealth and prosperity for the town. Like... this doesn’t seem important or the right way to rebuild Leore. At all. And it’s two years late.

One good thing was that we see Al wear Ed’s clothes which was a really nice touch. Al clearly misses his brother and starts wearing his clothes to feel closer to him and it’s really sweet.

Roy Mustang gives up on life to be stationed in brigs as an enlisted man. While it looks like, in later scenes, that the parliament was returned to power, Roy wouldn’t just quit on everything. He was deeply ambitious and no one ever blamed him for Bradleys death for some reason. This is also in stark contrast to what we saw at the end of the series where he and Riza are smiling together. Why would they do that? you ask. Because DRAMA. They try to give Roy a character arch that just ends up being he was waiting for Ed to come back. It made no sense to me. It felt contrived.

Envy 1) looks like a dragon in this world 2) is basically an object in the plot 3) doesn’t kill Hohenheim. I was hoping to meet Envy looking like his original form, maybe get in a fight with Ed, and then go after Hohenheim for real. Instead, he is part of a transmutation circle (which vaguely resembles his oroborous tattoo, which was cool) and Hohenheim closes Envy’s jaws to kill himself in an attempt to let Ed through the gate.

At the same time this is happening, Al is watching Wrath and Gluttony duke it out. I liked that fight, but it felt so wrong that Al would never try to help Wrath in the middle of the fight. Like, I know he’s 13 now, but he’s still a genuine person that can probably still beat Ed in a fight and we have seen him fight! Why didn’t he do anything? It was so that Wrath could make Al use the homunculi to open the gate. It was out of character to make the plot work.

We’re going to fast forward through most of the final battle. There are so many issues, but other people tend to address them. I just want to know why the hands from inside the gate came through the gate and wrapped themselves around the ships. 

Ed says he has to close the permanent gate from our side, so he drops Roy and All off in Amestris to close the gate on their side. Al manages to tell Roy where the gate is, and sneak onto Ed’s ship in time to end up in our world with him. Once there he regains his memories. First of all, this is still alchemy. How did you make a permanent gate? Where was the equivalent exchange? Second, why did Ed feel like he had to return to our side? Earlier in the film we see that Al can bind parts of his soul to other objects, especially armor, and that this binding can last in our world for a while. If they had sent a suit of armor with Al’s soul back to our world he could close the gate and then no one would have to go back to our world. Everyone would have been able to stay in Amestris. And, in my version, the bomb doesn’t come from Amestris, so they don’t have any reason to come back for us. Third, another contrived reason to give Al his memories back. It was just so that he could get his happy ending, but he is not freaked out by all these memories returning to him all at once of a world he can never return to.

I think that through the movie they were trying to give Ed a character arc where he realizes the world is more than his personal desires and goals and he should stop being so selfish. Unfortunately, everyone involved refuses to use their braincells to realize that with a little bit of creative thinking you can save the world and live with your family.

So! I was deeply dissatisfied with the ending of FMA 2003, but I decided to give Conqueror of Shamballa the benefit of the doubt and it was still unsatisfying. Characters were out of character, plot points either should have been left out or should have been utilized, and Ed and Al are in the wrong world. It almost ruined everything for me, but I gotta admit I did still enjoy most of the show. I still liked the filler episodes and the slightly different lore. But the ending was awful and left me feeling so dissatisfied that I want to go rewatch Brotherhood to feel better.

EDIT: I can't believe I forgot to talk about Nazi Hughes. That was a choice, but the ending made me think I was supposed to cheer for Hughes finally confessing to Gracia like... you think that he redeemed himself for getting upset that Alphonse blond hair/blue eyes Heindrich died? No. He’s still a Nazi and I don’t care that he finally confessed.

[iknikblackstonevarrick]

TYE/Descendants AU

I recently pirated Descendants three like Uma would have wanted and it very much solidified in my mind the headcanons for a Young Elites AU that i’ve had since the second movie. Now I’ll preface the rest of this with the fact that you could make a very decent Enzolina AU with Adelina as Mal and Enzo as Ben, but I ask you this: does anyone still stan Enzolina in the year 2019?

Raffaele<->Mal (stay with me)

Enzo<->Ben

Violetta<->Evie

Gemma<->Carlos

Lucent<->Jay

Maeve<->Lonnie

Michel<->Jane

Daphne<->Audrey

Dante<-> Chad Charming

You might think it’s unfair to peg Daphne as Audrey but we know literally nothing about Daphne so everything’s fair, also I like Audrey and I like Daphne(as a concept) it’s not meant as a slight

SO here’s the gist of the AU cause I always have to justify my AUs: 

Giulietta caught the fever instead of Enzo and she was too old to survive, so she’s dead and Enzo isn’t an Elite

Instead Enzo’s father remained King

So this king, another character we know nothing about, decides that the Young Elites are a potential public danger and judges them based on their power. The ones he deems relatively benign (Michel, Dante) are allowed to remain unhindered while the dangerous ones (Gemma, Lucent, Adelina, Raffaele [The power to make most people fall head-over-heels in love with you is very dangerous on all levels except for physical, and even then a little bit]) and their families are moved to a Isle of the Lost-style penal colony to live in isolation

fast forward five years, Enzo comes of age and it’s time for him to become king. He was never a fan of this system and decides he’s going to bring four of these ‘dangerous’ Elites at a time to live with him in the palace so he can judge them himself

There aren’t really evil parents in this one (except for Adelina and Violetta but we’ll get there), the plan on the Dagger/VKs part was for Raffaele to spell Enzo with his powers and make him release everyone. There’s gotta be some kind of wand-object that can release all the Young Elites for plot’s sake, maybe Michel made something magic for the king?

Anyway the problem with that plan is woops Raffaele actually falls for Enzo! And starts to feel really bad about using his powers on him!

He asks Violetta to use her power on Enzo which I’m deciding once again for plot contrivance would destroy the effect of his power; this takes the place of the anti-love potion brownie

Violetta accidentally deploys her power too early (in the carriage like in the movie) but Enzo’s like lol I figured but I genuinely like you? I can say that for a fact now that the magic’s gone

Idk how we’d manage to have a dragon fight in this one I think Jane!Michel still grabs the wand because of low self-esteem and Raffaele grabs it away from him and everyone gasps in panic like they do in the movie, he ALMOST DOES IT but the other three convene together and they have a Moment like the VKs do at the end of D1 before they decide to give the wand back

And then, y’know, they have a dance party

SO that’s the first movie I know what you’re thinking “Why isn’t Adelina Mal?” Because: the Roses are the pirates

Adelina<->Uma

Magiano<->Harry Hook

Sergio<->Gil

I was really tempted to make Magiano Uma and Adelina Harry because their personalities line up so much better, but role-wise this works a lot better

Watch the boat scene at the end of Descendants 2 and tell me it could not be a g-rated version of the boat scene at the end of The Rose Society, with Adelina/Uma controlling Enzo/Ben for her own gain and Raffaele/Mal snapping him out of it

That said in It’s Goin’ Down (a different boat scene from the boat scene i just mentioned) Magiano sings Uma’s part and Adelina sing’s Harry’s part because the part where Harry goes on about how he CAN and WILL kill Ben is very Adelina and not Magiano at all. Also the rest of the song i think just fits better that way. this song was one of my biggest points of contention for almost making Magiano Uma and Adelina Harry 

You KNOW pirate Adelina has a cool eyepatch too no question

Now you might be thinking ‘Raffaele is very good at fitting in and being polite in court where does the insecurity about not being right for Enzo and dragging him down politically and socially that Mal gets at the beginning of D2 come from?” Homosexuality 

Raffaele thinks he’s gonna jeopardize Enzo’s claim to the throne if they stay together so he runs back to the Isle and Enzo and the gang go get him, y’know, like the plot of Descendants 2

So some Rose Pirate backstory: Adelina ran away from her father in the chaos of their relocation to the Isle. Violetta didn’t follow her in order to quell their father’s wrath and try and stop him from going after Adelina, but Adelina sees it as her choosing him over her

Adelina makes it on her own for a while until she meets Magiano, recently trapped here by the Inquisition and VERY chagrined about it

They try to use their powers to escape several times to no avail, but they bond during the experience and decide to go it together

Shortly afterward they meet Sergio, who owns the fish-and-chip shop that becomes their base of operations. at this point theyre like 14 and he’s seventeen, he grows fond of these kids who keep making a ruckus in his dumb shop and offers to let them stay there for permanents if they’ll help out around the place

Martino Amouteru locates Adelina after she sets down roots and tries to drag her ‘home’. When Sergio sees him try to lay hands on her he pins him to a wall, gives him a gash on his arm, and threatens to cut his whole hand off if he ever tries to touch her again. Martino turns and runs and Adelina never encounters him again

Magiano and Adelina do similar light teasing on Sergio to how Uma and Harry tease Gil but Sergio’s not dumb he knows theyre just like that sometimes

so the roses start gaining ‘territory’ on the Isle and eventually butt heads with Raffaele and the Daggers, especially when they see he’s recruited Violetta

she wants them all to be friends but no one else does, so the two societies become rivals instead. Violetta sticks with the Daggers, if only because Adelina doesn’t make it seem like she’s very welcome in the Roses (she’s still mad)

so flash forward back to the second movie, Sergio sees Enzo there with Violetta Gemma and Lucent and reports back to Adelina immediately

the Roses kidnap Enzo and Magiano taunts the Daggers about it. If Magiano’s a little more willing to get his hands dirty in this AU it’s because he is VERY stir crazy in here on this island for four years

Adelina strikes the deal with Raffaele that Enzo gets to live if Raffaele brings her the wand so she can get everyone off this island

Raffaele reluctantly agrees with no real choice in the matter. All the Daggers go back to Estenzia and get Michel to make them a fake wand so they can get Enzo back without handing the Roses all that power

Meanwhile the Roses expect foul play. Adelina and Enzo have the same kinda conversation Uma and Ben have in the movie, but it ends when Magiano can sense the Daggers powers in range again. He copies Raffaele's power and makes Enzo fall in love with Adelina as a contingency plan

We already discussed the it’s goin’ down scene, I love it

They basically just have to grab Enzo and run after they bring him over cause they realize the wand’s fake pretty quick. There’s no talking dog scene

When we get to the boat scene, Violetta figures out that Magiano and Adelina spelled Enzo pretty soon after Adelina comes out, and she has to hard reset Raffaele’s power to free Enzo again but they do the true love’s kiss thing too and it’s great and gay

Oh and y’know how Lumiere’s there at the end? Like just hanging out? That’s Teren. In case you were wondering about him he’s not important in this one he’s just hanging around not being awful because Giulietta doesn’t exist anymore

Adelina still gets away and teases the third movie while the Daggers have another dance party

I’ve spent far too much time on this tonight but I can and will come back with the AU summary of D3. I’ll tell you this right now Magiano and Adelina DO kiss and the D3 writers are cowards for not letting Huma do so

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: Moriah

So the Carry On montage kicks in and it starts off actually making the season look interesting … until about halfway through it switches over to contrived nonsense focused on Perpetually-Clueless-Nougat and Inexplicably-Not-A-Vegetable.

I really feel like it's a clear illustration of why for me this season takes the cake with “The Worst” in big frosted letters across it.  I think twelve had some pretty good ideas, it was just that the execution left a lot to be desired as it shuffled to a vaguely unsatisfactory and perfunctory conclusion.  I can't remember if thirteen ever felt like it was properly doing anything other than treading water, which was boring but in a stolid sort of way.  This season?  Just took every halfway interesting idea it had and gleefully dropkicked them all off a steep cliff of stupid.

As for this episode in particular, it picks up where the last left off with Jack having broken out - and holy crap are the effects terrible.  Like, laughably whatthefuckweretheythinking terrible – it seriously looks like a low budget bad comic book movie regurgitated onto the screen.  Yikes.  

Not surprising at all that Dean is the one pushing to do the necessary thing and just get it done even if it hurts, while Sam says nothing but goes along and Castiel whines because he doesn't care if Jack is running around killing people indiscriminately.  It is kind of hilarious to me that Castiel thinks at this late date he can just stare down Dean and make him change his mind.  Even if Dean wasn't already pissed off at him, seriously?  IS there some kind of defect where angels/partial angels are literally incapable of learning?

I had forgotten about the whole truth spell spoiler, so I was confused for a bit whether or not Jack was actually hearing people's thoughts or, since there was such a theme to them with several people being rejected, was hallucinating again and projecting his fears onto others.  (It was giving me weird I'm Afraid of Americans vibes, tbh.)  Though I guess actually it could still go either way?

I'm not sure what the point of Jack's whole truth spell actually is, though?  Like the show is trying to build up tension to some kind of a climax – but wait!  Let's pause in the middle for an exaggerated humor break!  Again, this feels to me like the current writers have heard people say that the show is so good at juxtaposing humor and pathos and thinks that means they are – when it really refers to the show of yesteryear.  They simply don't have the subtlety for it to do anything but wreck any momentum that's building.  Not to mention that too often their “jokes” make no sense for the characters in their desperation for a cheap laugh.  What does lying have to do with that bizarre nonsense with the woman with the staplers?  Since when has Sam ever shown any affection for Elvis or Celine Dion?  Sigh.

I did like the scene between Dean and the receptionist.  I also did think it makes sense that Jack would go back to his mother's parents in trying to connect with someone who might not reject him - and they would have since realized what happened to their daughter. I actually think it does work well as a way to show Jack that he is just as guilty of telling lies, too.  

I am not impressed with the writers whipping out a complete ripoff of the Colt via Chuck except guess what?  Now it's also TEH MOST POWERFUL EVAR version of itself!  With a dumber name!  Yay.  If I was even hopeful enough to create a season fifteen wish list?  Not having every conflict come down to arbitrarily fluctuating powers or sudden ass-pulls of McGuffins to solve things would be right near the top under NO MORE FUCKING PELLEGRINO GODDAMN IT.

I still don't buy all this crap about how Jack is supposedly the Winchester’s child.  Both from the stupidity of acting like he’s an actual child and from how the execution has been so much tell, so little show.  Nor do I buy that Jack doesn't have feelings, as much as we've been subjected to him angsting all over the place the last two episodes.

I do otherwise like the conversation between Sam and Dean about what has to be done about Jack, though.  

Castiel happily tosses over the Winchesters without a second thought? I am shocked, shocked I say!  Okay, not shocked, but vindictively gleeful that what his bullshit ever fickle loyalties gets him is tossed the fuck aside by Jack.  That I fully support.

Same with Dean not choosing to shoot Jack in cold blood.  Jack just accepting that Dean intends to kill him and surrendering shows that despite how fucking weird his explanation of what happened was, Jack does regret and care about what he did.  Obviously Dean is still upset about Mary, but it was that Jack didn't seem to care and was killing others which was the real problem, not that Dean was looking for revenge.  Again, if everything hadn't been so contrived to get us here, I think this moment did really work.  

Only to be pretty much ruined for me by the Chuck reveal.  I don't like what it says about the entire thrust of the storyline of the first five seasons in regards to free will.  I don't like what it does to the character of Chuck in service of yet again just trying to scale up to TEH MOST POWERFUL EVAR antagonist, that is totally more powerful and more scary than the last!

In a less abstract way, I don't like how obviously contrived the reveal itself is here.  Okay, say it's true that Chuck has been playing them their entire lives.  For that to be true, he'd need to have actually been good at it before now.  A real master manipulator able to play a very long game – but this episode, he just suddenly becomes shitty and transparent about it for reasons?  Why appear and intentionally try to goad them, why not just make the gun appear where they or an ally will find it?  Why not further manipulate the Winchesters' beliefs about what Jack's doing with some decent frame jobs?  The Winchesters don't even get to catch him out in a lie or a manipulation, he just suddenly goes full on I'm A Villain, Ask Me How!  

What Dabb & Co. don't seem to get about twists – since they keep throwing them out willy-nilly seemingly every time they get bored?  Is that a genuinely good twist doesn't just blindside you out of nowhere.  It's unexpected, but after it happens, you can see exactly how it makes sense and all ties together.  The impact of the shock being juxtaposed against the realization that it does totally work is what it gives it that WHAM! of impact.  When it doesn't connect like that, it's just shock for the sake of shock.  Which is weaker to begin with, but then when you do that over and over again, where your twists connect to nothing and mean nothing and a great deal of the time actually contradict the world's established continuity?  Even the shock ultimately just becomes a disinterested WTF.

And of course, even putting all that aside, what this sets up for next season is just a repeat of all the things that didn't work with the Amara storyline.  Remember how she was totally going to destroy all creation, but, you know, there were basically no consequences anywhere further away than Sam & Dean could drive or in more than one place at once?  This is the lesson they never learned about setting your human protagonists against ludicrously overpowered entities - you can’t actually scale up enough and everything just comes off slightly silly.  

[thesharondefenseleague]

mlm imo werent sexualized to the degree that wlw were in most canon media mostly because of the male gaze. Gay and Lesbian relationships or moments got very limited representation. One was probably more sympathetic but also heart breaking like say brokeback mountain. One was explicit but depicted as grotesque or twisted or perverted or immoral in some way. And the last version was the titillating version. In western media because of the assumed straight male gaze lesbians making out to titlate guys was a common thing like say in Jennifer's body. The equivalent of that with guys wasnt really that common not in western media. Not that wlw couldn't like that content but it was made to be fanservice for men .

So thats what I kind of mean by wlw were sexualized at least in western media. This equivalent with mlm in fandom never really existed they never made out for girls to find hot in the same way. It was never marketed like oh look hot guys making out. Fandom did that but not canon.

As for comic book men being sexualized kind of. There is definitely the unrealistic beauty standards but theres that debate of was it for the purpose of titillating women? Or a result of toxic masculinity putting this unattainable unsustainable goal for men. Maybe both? But both in comics and the movies they are based on the posing and clothing and moments with women get made to clearly sexualize them . It especially ovbious with comics with them twisting their bodies so their boobs and butts are jutting out. Or like movie moments like Bruce landing in Natasha's clevage. Or angles where you are staring down a female character's shirt or she has a boob window for some contrived reason. Or just reasons to give full page spreads of them in skimpy clothing.

Its rare men get depicted like this or posed like this. And when they do it often stands out because its not the norm. It's something unique. Not true with men. Even in form fitting spandex they are often posed and framed to make to make them look powerful or intelligent or to reveal things about their character.

Again not that men never get sexualized or that fanservice is always bad. Or that its not a concern that men are having these terrible body image issues. But just that for women for the sexualization its so pervasive and constant was my point.

Its just as bad in wlw in canon as it is for women in relationships with men in canon when it comes to that sexualization but i hear so much more about the problems about the wlw ship than the mlw ship. Like to use DC as a example i hear so much about how people sexualized or mishandle harleyivy but compared to that i hear very little about batcat in comparison even though Catwoman is often just as sexualized in that ship.

As for misogyny in shipping wars yes it definetly exists and is a problem as is racism and homophobia. But my issue is mostly that the problem isnt because the main popular ships are mlm. But so often I see the argument framed that way.

Like shipping wars existed between m/w ships and still do today. And they are still often pretty misogynistic towards the woman in the other ship. I don't even have to look at other fandoms I remember Steggy vs Starton getting real ugly.

Mysogny in fandom doesn't uniquely pop up when mlm are the more popular ship. Its often just as bad in fandoms where m/w is the popular ship. But people just bring it up alot more they make it bout valuing the men over the women .

Well i mean that goes both ways you could say its homophobic for valuing the straight ship as better than the gay one or liking it more. But either way its stupid they dont care bout sexism or homophobia only that their ship is more popular.

Thats the sentiment of all ship wars the gender dynamics and racial make up change nothing. Nothing except the bullshit you use for the ship war.

The problem is that people are being homophobic and mysogynistic and racist not just in regards to fictional characters but towards real people just to win a ship war. It comes out so easily. Thats the problem imo.

Mysogny for example i think isnt discussed as much when its a m/w vs m/w ship war or drama because as both ships have women it can't be used to slander the other ship. But when its drama between fans of a m/m and m/w it comes out alot again not because anyone really cares but because now because one ship lacks a woman it can be used as fodder for what people actually care about. Tearing down the other ship.

Again not that mlm fandom doesnt have mysogny. They definetly do. But they aren't mysogynistic because they ship two guys together. Thats not proof they hate women. Having a ship with women isnt proof that you aren't sexist towards women. There might be homophobia in fandoms of mlm ships and mysogny in fandoms of m/w ships.

But in the drama between a m/w and m/m ships that doesn't get brought up because no one cares if that problem can't be used to show that someone only doesn't ship your ship if they are bigoted against it. Who cares about misogyny if your ship is two guys? Who cares about homophobia if your ship is straight?

No one because they cared about the popularity of their ship not the actual issues.

Gonna under under the cut for length again.

This is a lot to read so I'm gonna respond paragraph by paragraph and hope for the best in terms of comprehension.

When it comes to media made about the LGBTQ+ community, you have to keep in mind when it was made, who made it, and who was it made for. And that it's been shown that straight women have had the same reactions to mlm content as straight men to wlw content. QaF was dumbfounded to find that the majority of their audience was straight women when the show's sex scenes were 95% between two or more men and yet that's what they ran with because hey, it got the views. The views of mlm and wlw content in the mainstream media before then was minimized, despite how fucked a lot of the other content could be. If by "most canon media" being directed at the male gaze being summer blockbusters, and more specifically comic book movies, then sure. If we step out of that box, then not really. The film examples you chose are interesting because BB is portrayed exactly how the author of the original short story wrote it which was meant to be heartbreaking since it was a tragic dramatic piece while JB has a woman who wrote and another woman who directed it while purposefully trying to allow to actress to have a level of sexuality without exploiting her as past directors have (also neither of the main characters are lesbians - one is bi, the other I think is straight but maybe questioning?).

The sexualization of wlw in modern western media is definitely a thing. I mean, the first Iron Man film has stewardesses on the private jet pole dancing if I remember correctly. It took until 2016 to stop sexualizing Scarlett in every movie: the changing scene in IM2, the lowered zipper in A1, the ass shot in Cap 2, the boob faceplant in AoU (in your third paragraph, but mentioning it here anyway). It's a joke that you know when a man directs a wlw indie film during the sex scenes. But the mlm equivalent did exist alongside it, and it's what kicked off the century.

Comics and their movies were always for men. The male bodies are male wish fulfilment for their physical appearance. The women are male wish fulfilment for their dream girls. Funnily enough, one of the least sexualized women in comics I've ever read is Sharon. She's rarely, if ever, drawn to be sexualized for the audience. I'm not even sure she's even been in those swimsuit issues Marvel did years ago. And it shows heavily that Marvel struggles to know how to appeal to women without being aggressively in your face about it. The best example of them appealing without pandering is WV, and the worst is the group shots the Russos did in IW and Endgame, especially the latter.

But the men get those poses in the movies too. Thor bathed shirtless for no reason in TDW. There's a scene in Endgame dedicated to talking about Steve's ass. Pratt in GotG. Rudd in Ant-Man. Most actors are expected to look good shirtless and put themselves through intense shit to look that way. So do the women, but they aren't doing it to have the glamor shots of their muscles. And the MCU is not the only film franchise like this. Most, if not all, franchises with majority or entirely male leads expects them all to look like bodybuilders. And I'm gonna take back that it's just for the male audience, because these bodies are meant to appeal to women who are intended to thirst for these actors too. They think these bodies is what will bring women to the theaters.

None of this will change, as you say, that women's sexualization is "constant and pervasive". The film industry is just a part of the larger whole of media. Television and advertising have a treatment of women that's beyond whatever you or I say because there are decades worth of shit to go through that would take dozens of essays worth of writing to fully divulge beyond "please stop it's gross".

Now DC is a whole other ballgame. They're pretty infamous for their artists' sexualization of heroines and villainesses. Harley, Ivy, and Selina are definitely pretty bad, but when I remember what I've seen drawn of Kara, Kori, or sometimes Barbara... But outside of one artist, I think Harley and Ivy as a couple have been drawn tamely. Can't say the same for Selina, because they just can't not draw every part of her body even when she's fully clothed.

I think it's hard not to talk about fandom misogyny outside of m/m ships because of how often popular m/m shippers have rooted their shipping into misogyny. And even with m/f ship wars, a lot of the time the "faulted" character is always the woman when majority of the time it's the man who sucks. I don't get why everyone is fighting for who should kiss Steve because Steve sucks and they'd be better off without him. But because Steve is the object of affection for our fave, we have to fight off everyone else.

Don't look at other fandoms for m/f ship wars. We don't appreciate how tame we were, even at our worst. I'm serious, I've seen so much worse.

I think why the topic of misogyny comes up more with m/m ships is because they follow a similar principle of the male characters being more developed in canon and fanon so it's who people gravitate towards.

There is definitely layers of homophobia in fandom, but there's many versions of how we see it. Homophobes who won't ship anything that's not m/f. Homophobes who ship m/m but won't support IRL rights. People who love m/m but abhor f/f, and vice-versa. The shippers who use them for personal fodder. But the sexism is more prevalent than the homophobia. And the racism way more than both combined.

And it does cause a lot of ammo, and much of it severely unjustified, in ship wars. Literally the bullshit I've seen pulled out of thin air to accuse Sharon of not being worthy because someone said she's a racist for [they literally had no reason just called her one because we said Sam and Sharon are friends because they are] and other nonsense.

The real world repercussions of the homophobia, the sexism, and the racism in fandom... there's just so much. Like we are all still people, and yet we decide because we hide behind screens to be antagonistic, and use homophobic, sexist, and racist shit to attack each other over ships just because we want to paint the other person as crazy, I guess? If you can't see that there are no enemies in ship wars and that the other side is still people, maybe you need to sit out and log off. It's baffling how often it still happens to people. Then it's no longer about ships, it's about who is an asshole.

I will say that Steve and Peggy vs Steve and Sharon is probably the only m/f ship war I've seen where misogyny is talked about. Is, not was, because it still is. Both sides call the others misogynistic. I don't think either side is, but you can see in individuals. Those who tweeted at a certain actress that she was a slut for kissing her costar certainly are though.

You are right that shipping m/m isn't inherently sexist. But tearing down women in those ships to prop up m/m has made me stop shipping certain characters altogether. People, seriously, we don't have to justify why we like them! We can just like them! And other characters can still exist! It's never been that deep.

And you're right, the popularity of the ship helps people ignore any deeper issues within them and this is a power used to silence valid criticism if it pops up.

(I hope I answered everything well for you.)

~Mod R

[pass-the-bechdel]

Marvel Cinematic Universe: The Avengers (2012)

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

No.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Three (23.07% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Ten.

Positive Content Rating:

Three.

General Episode Quality:

It’s solid. Unpopular opinion? I don’t think it’s half as good as people made it out to be, back when it first hit cinemas and everyone was swooning. It’s solid, but that’s the best I’ve got for it.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

...

Female characters:

Maria Hill.

Natasha Romanov.

Pepper Potts.

Male characters:

Nick Fury.

Phil Coulson.

Erik Selvig.

Clint Barton.

Loki.

Bruce Banner.

Steve Rogers.

Tony Stark.

JARVIS.

Thor.

OTHER NOTES:

‘free from freedom’ is such a wanky piece of writing, man. It’s absolute nonsense, but it sounds vaguely profound if you don’t think about it at all. I thought about it. It’s idiotic. 

The very first thing we see of Black Widow in this movie is her being hit in the face, wearing a slinky little dress, tied to a chair being interrogated by a bunch of men. We’re supposed to indulge this excuse for hurting and objectifying a woman and then write it off as ‘empowering’ because she beats the Hell outta the dudes a couple of minutes later. That’s not a game I’m interested in playing. This is garbage.

The classical music over the beginnings of the Stuttgart attack is great.

All those German folks so confused by this Loki dude speaking English at them. What a tool.

I’m not sure I’ve ever heard ‘not today’ used as an effective badass declaration. It’s ALWAYS cheesy. Make it stop.

“There’s only one God, ma’am, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t dress like that.” I don’t really like this line for Steve; he just doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would play the ‘one true God’ card, and there was nothing in his origin story which implied that he’s particularly attached to religion at all; plus, he already read the brief on Thor, he knows this is literally the old Norse deity, there’s no question of whether or not they’re dealing with a God here. To argue the point (because he’s not MY God!) is meaningless in context, and feels like a weak attempt to correlate (Christian) faith with being ‘old-fashioned’, like OF COURSE Steve would defend the idea of the ‘one true God’, he’s from the past, not a cool enlightened atheist/agnostic modern man like the rest of us, right?

Thor and Loki are using such archaic phrasing, when Tony makes his ‘Shakespeare in the Park’ joke, it’s...more an observation than a quip. The Asgardians were not half as stuffy in Thor. It makes it seem like someone didn’t bother to see that movie first before writing their version of the characters.

Thor has to fight with the others when he shows up. He’s just gotta.

Gotta give a nod to Mark Ruffalo’s work here; I feel like I can see the clear comparison between his version of the character and Edward Norton’s in The Incredible Hulk, but at the same time there’s no sense of this being a Norton’s-Banner impression. Ruffalo is doing a sweet job of making the character his own without totally overhauling the template Norton laid down, and I dig it.

Oh, here we are. Loki calls Black Widow a ‘mewling quim’, which is just a fancy way of calling her a whiny cunt. Your gendered slur is still a gendered slur, movie.

I know they’re playing the idea that the sceptre is causing the antagonism between the characters, but fuck, it’s tedious. It just feels like they’re all contrived petty versions of themselves, being shitty because it’s ~dramatic~ for them to not get along.

I didn’t see this movie until months after it was released, and people were raving about how crushed they were by the major character death in the film but they were doing a pretty good job of not spoiling it; good enough that for a moment, I really thought I’d get to enjoy the surprise/horror for myself. You know who spoiled it for me? In a tweet, no less? It was the 44th President of the United States. Thanks, Obama.

This guy is the MVP of this film:

You can chalk “Son, just don’t,” up on the list of Things Steve Rogers Would Not Say. Just because he’s technically in his nineties doesn’t mean he isn’t still in his twenties in his mind: I don’t buy that he’d go for a blithely patriarchal term like ‘son’, it seems like another poorly-considered attempt to make him sound old-fashioned. Juxtapose that with ‘just don’t’, which is very modern vernacular. It might seem clever to combine the two as a meta-expression of Steve belonging to two different times now, but in practical application it just sounds out-of-character, and there’s nothing clever about that.

I know I said after the last movie that I love it when someone gets hit and flies off-screen in an exaggerated fashion, but Hulk punching Thor off-screen after they finish working together to take down the big beastie is an exception, because there’s no reason for Hulk to decide to hit Thor in the first place, it’s just a gag for the sake of a gag. I can’t believe they messed up such a simple pleasure. 

I will forgive it, in return for Hulk smashing Loki all over the place. That was funny.

Back when this movie came out, before I saw it, I had people tell me - straight-faced, totally sincere - that it was one of the best movies they had ever seen. The internet was on fire with Avengers love. The film was rated in the IMDb Top 20. Admittedly, that all sets a pretty impossible standard for a movie to meet, and being at least a little disappointed in the result is probably a given. I was not particularly invested either way (I didn’t fall down the Marvel rabbit hole until later), so I didn’t allow myself to go in to my first viewing with such lofty expectations to be crushed, just the general assumption that this was gonna be good, it had to be good, at minimum. And it was that; it’s a good film. It’s entertaining. The plot makes basic essential sense. It’s easy to follow. There are some nice visuals, and most of the special effects are relatively clean, which can be a significant difficulty for big-budget extravaganzas that sometimes/often try to get way too much spectacle bang for their buck, so, a nice win. All in all, The Avengers is not a bad film. Sure is a bland one, though.

I know, I know, getting all these big-name characters from previous films together in one movie was a serious task and it’s hard to write a well-balanced script for so many leads, blah blah. Let’s put that whole equivocation to bed right now, because I honestly don’t think that balancing the big-name cast was the problem. All of the characters had something to do, no one felt like a random extra, I could quibble about certain places where I really wish things had been plumped up a bit (pretty much everywhere - the film is extremely low on meaningful character beats), but ultimately the characters are fairly evenly presented. What makes this movie bland to me is 1) the way that the personalities of the characters deviate from that established in their previous films, and 2) the simplicity of the story they inhabit. 

We’ll cover the Avengers themselves first: the good news is, Tony Stark is still Tony Stark. His personality is intact. Bruce Banner is, as noted, not exactly the Bruce Banner we met back in The Incredible Hulk, but that’s both a given and a good thing - the casting change is an improvement. Hawkeye was barely in the MCU previously, so we don’t really have enough to compare him against in order to make a judgment. Black Widow, however, is a bit of a mess; Joss Whedon’s special brand of misogyny is on display from moment one, as noted above (he LOVES writing women being brutalised because ‘how would we know/believe that they’re strong if we don’t get to see them overcoming mistreatment?’ - he tends not to feel the need to ‘prove’ his male characters’ strengths in this way), and Natasha’s personal story for the movie continues in a distinctly gendered vein: as is common for female characters being written by shitty dudes, her arc revolves predominantly around a man (Hawkeye), and she is ‘emotionally compromised’ by her attachment to him. She also zones out in the middle of an action scene and winds up in a corner shaking and traumatised (very out-of-character for a super spysassin), and particular emphasis is placed on all the bad things she’s done in the past and how she should feel bad about it, though no one does more than shrug their shoulders about Clint or Fury or any of the other SHIELD agents who are acknowledged as having dark and dirty pasts. Why is Natasha the one who is singled out to have her morality judged while her ‘arc’ focuses on her inconvenient emotional engagement? You know why. There’s no reason why this particular tack had to be taken in bringing her backstory into the film, and as a result of it we spend little time with Black Widow displaying the kind of cool professionalism and self-assurance she had in Iron Man 2. The inclusion of that vulnerability and backstory doesn’t make her feel more rounded or complicated because it is deconstructing the power and mastery of the character; rather than building upon the foundation set in her previous film visit, we’re questioning the stability of that foundation and seeing if we can get a few pieces of the structure to rattle loose. 

A big part of the trouble for Thor is that he gets saddled with that poxy Ye Olde Cliche dialogue, and there are few things worse for achieving character consistency than changing the way that they talk: no matter how hard the actor tries to play the character the same, they can’t compensate for the fact that the very structure of their sentences has been remodeled. They can improvise rephrasing the lines and/or argue the point if they want, but it’s hard to challenge every line, and if the director (who, oh look, is also the writer) insists you follow the script verbatim, there’s not a lot you can do with that. Poor Captain America suffers the same fate with the overt attempts to make him sound ‘old-fashioned’ by having him utter words and phrases that he never used in his origin movie. What’s worse is, this stilted dialogue is pretty much the sum total of the film’s acknowledgment of the fact that, oh yeah, Steve just recently woke up from the ice to find that seventy years has passed and nearly everyone and everything he used to know is gone. He has an exchange with Fury in his first scene, about ‘getting back in the world’, but there’s zero follow-up on how he’s handling it, what difficulties there might be, or even just how Steve is feeling about all of this on a basic emotional level. And yes, I am aware that there’s a deleted montage of Steve going about his day being isolated and out-of-touch, and it’s a travesty that they cut it because that’s essential character content, but it’s also a total bare minimum which has zero follow-up. Steve Rogers spends the whole film just being...there, speaking lines that don’t suit him or reflect the personality we just saw in The First Avenger, and not even in an understandable character-development ‘throwing myself into my work to hide from the pain’ kind of way. He’s kinda blandly self-righteous and all-business no-pleasure in exactly the way he was NOT in his origin movie; my impression is that Whedon doesn’t care for the character and wrote him off as the traditional patriotic cliche one might have expected him to be instead of the nuanced character that he actually is. As with Thor and Loki, it feels as if Whedon didn’t bother to watch the previous movies first in order to get a sense of the established characters.

Speaking of Loki: if there’s one character who really, REALLY suffered a personality change in this script, it’s him. None of what made Loki the highlight of Thor is in evidence here; where that character was a cunning plotter full to overflowing with complex and contradictory feelings for his family and driven to action by that same emotional cascade, this Loki...wants to rule the Earth. Because. He’s, like, crazy, the other characters all say so, even Thor - the only one who actually knows Loki and is fit to assess his mental state - says that his ‘mind is far astray’ (what Thor thinks of that, whether he’s surprised or concerned, whether he feels like he understands why this has happened to Loki or not, is unclear, because, I dunno, Thor having feelings is as inconvenient to the story as Steve having feelings - as Loki snarls derisively about ‘sentiment’, we must remember that being emotionally compromised is dumb and only for women? Hmm). Loki is just a placeholder villain in this film, driven to action by nothing in particular, it’s just a business arrangement with a mysterious third party that coincidentally happens to involve Earth. Loki prattles and hollers a lot about how ruling is his right and people want to be ruled and blah despot blah, and it’s both supremely uninspired, and not true to the character we met in Thor at all - the Loki we know was not obsessed with ruling, his motivations were all about his family standing and the things he was denied within those relationships and their implications. I remember fandom, back when this movie came out, scrambling with various headcanons about Loki losing his mind in the void or being brainwashed, ad nauseum, because no one really seemed to feel like they were watching a logical progression of the same character at all. 

Now, one of the main ways that the lack of character consistency contributes to narrative blandness is that it disrupts narrative immersion - we’re re-negotiating the way that we engage with the characters, and that distracts from engaging with the story itself. At worst, we may even find ourselves cynical about every decision that a character makes (whether it’s in-character or not), because we’re too aware of the man behind the curtain to buy the act. There are definite shades of that in this film, but the worst of it comes from the whole team-antagonism schtick that is vaguely blamed on ‘Loki’s manipulations’ and the sceptre. The thing is, this all requires the characters to behave out-of-character, and since they mostly already are out-of-character due to bad writing, the exacerbation of that by creating artificial conflict feels like more bad writing, not actual plot. Having the characters initially get along poorly before triumphantly uniting to win the day is such an overused device, it’s easy to construe the conflict as arbitrary, and as it turns out...it is. Loki/the sceptre causing the Avengers to argue doesn’t actually impact the narrative in any meaningful way, since they don’t start a fight or fracture over it, it doesn’t slow down Tony’s efforts to learn what Fury is really up to, nor does it prevent Steve from investigating the same thing in person. Them conflicting with Fury and questioning their decision to work with SHIELD, etc, is a normal thing to have an argument about, no magic-mind-stick required; the only mileage the movie really gets out of the forced-conflict ploy is that Steve and Tony keep pissing on each other, which is extremely OOC for nice-guy Steve and WOULD throw up a big red flag for mental manipulations if the movie weren’t already misrepresenting him as an insufferable stick in the mud anyway, and even for Tony it feels off - he’s generally a jerk as a rule, but he doesn’t pick unprovoked fights - but again, when the movie is already so left-of-centre on so many characters everyone feels off, so it’s easy to assume the characters are just falling victim to contrived drama, and not something in the actual story. As noted, it doesn’t end up mattering where the conflict comes from anyway; the bad news is, it takes until the halfway point of the Goddamn movie before the characters get their prescribed ‘rough patch’ out of the way. The fact that they were just being really annoying for no real reason and without narrative consequence kinda steps on the idea of it being ‘triumphant’ when they all come together at the end to fight Loki, because there was zero reason for the audience to ever legitimately doubt that it would happen, not even in a begrudging-putting-this-genuine-disagreement-aside-so-that-we-can-save-the-world kind of way. It’s just dead air with no weight behind it, and with characters reduced to such cliche versions of themselves that it’s hard to muster the will to care.

AND SO, we have a movie which, as previously noted, is awfully damn simplistic. That’s not a terrible thing, in and of itself - it’s all about what you do with an idea, and I would posit that a more complicated plot wouldn’t be a great idea here since there are so many primary moving parts in the form of characters to justify. But, the aforementioned griping about the skewy characterisation makes this film a bad candidate for character-over-plot, and if the shenanigans are falling flat, that’s when simplistic plotting becomes a problem. It goes like this: Loki shows up and steals the magic cube (action ensues). The avengers assemble to catch Loki (action ensues). The characters argue on a helicarrier until Loki’s goons show up to wreck shit (action ensues). Loki escapes and goes to New York to use the magic cube to portal an alien army to Earth. Action ensues until the portal is closed and Loki is defeated. The end. I’m not complaining about the action - it’s a standard facet of the genre, and most of it is entertaining enough (though the unnecessary Thor/Iron Man fight I coulda done without, and the battle of New York runs a bit long) - but the plot itself is pretty point-A-to-B-to-C without much in the way of surprises, and like I said, that’s fine so long as you’re delivering in another arena, i.e. STRONG CHARACTER NARRATIVES. And character is sooo far from being this film’s strong suit. The result? Is not very compelling.

It tends to wind up that, by the time I get to the end of explaining why I think a thing didn’t work (and this is...the abridged version), it maybe seems ridiculous that I’m also saying ‘this thing isn’t that bad’. The truth is, there’s nothing that I think this movie does impressively well, and there are a lot of pretty major things that I think were poorly handled. BUT, I still meant what I said: it’s entertaining. It makes at least basic sense, and flows easily enough. And while I have serious issues with a lot of the characterisation and feel that - though balanced(ish) in handling - the plot failed to take real advantage of any of the character resources at its disposal (except maybe Tony), the actors still brought the goods to the table, and those whom I enjoyed in their previous films (I mean you, Chris Evans) didn’t disappoint, even though the material they were handling did. It’s a solid film, it’s good fun, I don’t regret watching it, and while I am irritated by various aspects, I don’t feel the need to keep ranting about them. And hey; Mark Ruffalo is really very wonderful. They’ve got that going for them.

[erictmason]

THEY’RE GONNA WRECK IT: A “Ralph Breaks The Internet” Review

I don’t know that I ever would have told you that the original “Wreck-it Ralph”, one of the more pleasant surprises of post-Pixar-merger Disney, “needed” a sequel; the original’s story was compelling and complete enough on its own.  But the characters were so much fun to spend time with and the world felt so intrinsically interesting that it also seemed like a prime candidate to give a sequel to anyway.  And to its credit “Ralph Breaks The Internet” starts from a premise clearly designed to keep it from simply being a needless retread of the original, trading the halls of an old Arcade for the world wide web.  Unfortunately, the resulting film, while not exactly a TOTAL wash, also feels like it’s learned all the wrong lessons from its predecessor, taking an anted-up version of the first movie’s playful Video Game in-jokes that were there a mere garnish and here turning them into an inescapable aspect of the entire story that severely compromises its narrative integrity.

(SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT)

(SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT)

(SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT)

(SPOILER SPACE)

(SPOILER SPACE)

(SPOILER SPACE)

Said narrative picks up six years after the events of the original, with Ralph happy as can be with his lot in life nowadays: thanks to his friendship with “Sugar Rush” superstar Vanellope Von Schweetz, he’s more than content to just do his job and hang out with her goofing off all night.  Vanellope, however, feels increasingly constrained by the repetitive limits of her closed-off racing world, leading Ralph to try and give her a new surprise or two to cheer her up; unfortunately that just leads to "Sugar Rush” getting broken.  Ralph and Vanellope thus decide to venture into the arcade’s newly connected Wi-Fi system to reach The Internet in hopes of finding the part necessary to fix the game before it’s permanently unplugged.  

Which kind of sounds like a bit of an overcooked premise, and indeed the number of contrivances the movie throws at you more or less right out the gate to get to where it wants to go speaks to the problem at the heart of the whole thing, but to start things out on a relatively positive note: Ralph and Vanellope remain a great pair of characters, and if nothing else the opening few minutes of the movie honestly do make for a pleasant little coda to the first movie.  More to the point, there actually IS something admirable about how this movie chooses to dig into how their characters have changed and where they stand:  now that he has an anchor of affirmation in Vanellope, Ralph is able to find acceptance and fulfillment in the same places he once felt rejected by...but once that anchor is threatened (as it is when Vanellope finds herself increasingly attracted to the idea of staying online in the wild and unpredictable world of an online racer called “Slaughter Race”), all of his old insecurities begin to surface.  Meanwhile the same drive to strive for something greater that drove Vanellope in the first movie has now begun to slowly but surely push her out of “Sugar Rush”; this one’s a bit shakier (and the movie fumbles it pretty much completely in the execution but we’ll get to that) but you really can see the emotional logic it works on in a way that adds up, especially because the movie genuinely has the courage of its convictions and chooses to pursue it to its most logical conclusion rather than try to hedge its bets or chicken out at the last minute.  

As well, basically all of the new characters work.  The obvious highlight is Gal Gadot as Shank, the Boss Character of “Slaughter Race”; even as her presence in the movie overall is surprisingly limited given her importance to the main emotional arc that (eventually) reveals itself as the heart of the story, she is nonetheless an immediately enjoyable presence, at once tough as nails and On The Edge (one of the movie’s better sight gags is how the world of “Slaughter Race” is bathed in the reds and browns that dominated Video Games for most of the mid-00′s and Shank feels right at home in that tone) but also a caring figure who looks at her job with a genuine sense of Duty and Honor.  Likewise Taraji P. Henson’s Yesss is delightful, a beaming bouncing presence whose constantly-changing look is a consistent delight (and who may have the most enjoyably subtle details of animation of any character in the movie with the way her coat lights up whenever she gets excited being a personal favorite).  But even minor characters like the Search Engine curator Knowsmore (our now-traditional Alan Tudyk role) and Bill Hader’s J.P. Spamley are genuinely fun new additions to the overall cast.  You do find yourself wishing they could maybe get a bit more screen time or else be better integrated into the overall story, but even so I really liked just about all of them and they do a lot to buoy the whole thing.

Unfortunately none of them, nor the movie’s clever-if-not-especially-original conception of what “The Internet” would mean to this kind of world (my personal favorite touch might be portraying pop-up ads as old-school Newsies), can really add up to much in the face of the larger problem here.  See, even though they’re a relatively minor presence in the overall movie, the original “Wreck-it Ralph” hyped up the presence of its various Video Game character cameos (many of whom return here), and the attendant in-jokes that came with them.  “Ralph Breaks The Internet” apparently seems to have the mistaken belief that it was this wink-wink nudge-nudge meta-humor at the original’s margins that was in fact the key to its success and thus, using The Internet as a launching pad to broaden its range of targets, has made that element much, much more prominent this time around.  Sometimes that does make for amusing gags; the extended (and heavily-touted) scene where Vanellope meets the other Disney Princesses is indeed a particular highlight, and the one sequence where the movie comes even remotely close with reconciling its desire to indulge in fairly tired meta-textual snark with actually trying to tell any sort of real story.  Far more often we have to deal with things like how a joke about Ralph making the age-old mistake of reading the comments stands in for any kind of actual attempt to show how his old anxieties are resurfacing (in a moment that fails to land almost completely; it is honestly impossible to tell while watching it how seriously the movie expects us to take it), or even more frustrating how Vanellope’s realization that she wants to stay in “Slaughter Race” is told to us through an incredibly ineffectual and far too self-aware parody of the old Disney-style “I Want” song.  That Vanellope would in fact choose to leave Sugar Rush behind is already the biggest buy-in the movie asks us to make of its characters, so that failed short-cut proves especially harmful to the overall arc here.  It all leads to a finale that feels like it could, indeed even should, work for how frankly it chooses to tackle the underlying emotional problems at the heart of the story, but it ultimately can’t because the movie just flat-out has not done the work to really earn it.

There are other smaller problems as well; Fix-it Felix and Calhoun, the primary side-characters from the first film, are here given what feels like it should be the lead-in to an enjoyable and inspired B-story of their own but instead wind up being nothing more than glorified cameos.  I’m also not super fond of how the movie actively begs the audience to question the logical nature of its world and characters as often (and seemingly without much thought) as it does.  But the real fundamental issue here is that “Ralph Breaks The Internet” just plain cannot square its two competing impulses; the desire to actually try and tell a story that meaningfully expands on the original’s characters in some genuinely-daring ways is ultimately undone by the far-stronger drive to weigh it all down beneath a lot of knowing referential humor that feels far less relevant and insightful than the writers think it is.  There really is something good deep in the heart of all of this, but, sad as it is to say, it basically gets wrecked this time around.