#and I had to yell about this again

[heyclickadee]

One part of “Aftermath” I don’t think I’ll ever get over is that Hunter, Wrecker, Echo, Tech, and Omega were on their way to get Crosshair when Crosshair walked into that hangar. The way we talk about it in the fandom is as though they left Crosshair behind in that first episode so they could rescue Omega, as though they traded him for her, but that’s. Not. What. Happened.

They go back to Kamino to grab Omega despite the risk, because they think she belongs with them, yes, but also because they’re still confident. They haven’t failed a mission yet. And —and this is important—because she said she wanted to go with them, and they take that into account.

And, of course, they immediately get captured, taken to the brig, they find Omega, Crosshair fires off about following orders—his new favorite hobby that he only picked up in the last week(1)—the guards come to take Crosshair away, and Hunter puts himself between Crosshair and the guards and says No. Absolutely not. We stay together, we’re a set, do not separate, and then—

—Crosshair gets up and leaves. And the rest of the batch probably doesn’t fully understand why.

Now, I personally think that Crosshair’s decision to leave was multifaceted. I do think the chip programming had something to do with it. It’s telling him that Hunter’s made bad call after bad call since Kaller, and that the smart thing to do would be to just comply with whatever the empire wants. He’s also deeply frustrated with the rest of his squad, though he probably doesn’t know why he suddenly disagrees with them so much. And I also think that Crosshair didn’t want anyone else in his family to get hurt. He’s got his hackles raised and he’s ready to pounce when that one guard hits Hunter in the gut; he knows that they’re going to take him one way or another, so best to do it in a way that doesn’t end with the rest of his squad getting shot. All of that is in play in Crosshair’s decision to get up and go with the guards willingly, but all the rest of the batch knows is that he does it.

It’s even possible that their initial read on Crosshair’s decision is mostly in line with the last thing I listed—that Crosshair does it to keep the rest of them from getting hurt. It’s also possible that their read on it was that Crosshair was upset. But it probably doesn’t matter. The first thing—the first thing out of Hunter’s mouth when they break out of the brig is, “We need to find out where they took Crosshair.” The only reason they go to the hangar at all is to grab their gear so they have a better chance of getting him without dying on the way. They suit up, Hunter tells Tech to get the ship ready for a speedy getaway, and no sooner does he add that the rest of them are going to get Crosshair that Crosshair walks in. When Crosshair walks in—what he sees of them, and what they see of him informs every single interaction they have through the rest of the series.

First, what they see of him. Crosshair’s chip is activated. He’s just been electroshocked into submission and had that chip’s programming ramped up to twenty. He’s not in control of his thoughts or actions, but the only two people who have any inkling that that’s the case are Tech, who’s powering up the ship and not in the room, and Omega, who is a Child and about to be shot at for the first time in her life. The rest of them have no idea. All they know is that Crosshair is standing there wearing a new set of armor, leading a new squad, with a new rank, telling them to stand down and looking oh so pleased with himself as he clarifies that that is, in fact, an order. At the time, while Crosshair is monologuing about how they need to come quietly and how Hunter can’t see the bigger picture, it must look to them like the reason Crosshair left in that earlier scene was because he wanted to leave the squad. We, the audience, know that’s not true, but the rest of the batch doesn’t, especially given what they’re seeing at the time.

And then Crosshair starts shooting. It looks to them like he’s trying to kill them, and its not just empty. As much as Crosshair surely doesn’t want to, as much as Crosshair probably hates himself for this later on when he’s more in control, he shoots Wrecker. And unlike earlier in the episode, when Wrecker got shot during the battle simulation, Wrecker isn’t able to eventually get back up and keep fighting. Wrecker’s down. It’s all Hunter and Echo can do to just drag him onto the ship, and the only reason they even manage that is because Omega manages to shoot Crosshair’s rifle out of his hand; they don’t have the manpower to subdue Crosshair and drag him on board as well, not without potentially getting themselves or Crosshair (or Wrecker) killed. They don’t leave Crosshair behind for Omega’s sake or because they got in one argument and wrote him off here. They leave him because, in that moment, it looks for all the world like Crosshair does not want to go with them, like he suddenly wants them dead or captured, and they’re just trying to get out of there alive.

And what he sees of them…gah. There’s a split second, blink-and-you-miss-it moment when Crosshair first walks in, sees them, and he looks terrified. He knows what he’s about to do, and he hates it, and he probably doesn’t know WHY he hates it, because his programming has to be screaming at him that what he’s about to do is right. Good soldiers follow orders. But the part of Crosshair that’s still himself, the part that’s still aware, still able to differentiate his own mind from the chip’s programming here in the early days after order 66, that part is yelling back that he doesn’t want to hurt them, but he can’t stop it. He doesn’t have that capacity. And that has to rip him apart here. The things he must have had to tell himself later just to cope.

But also—what he sees when he walks in? He sees the Marauder powering up. He sees everyone suiting up and grabbing their gear. He has to think—the thought has to cross his mind—that they’re leaving without him. And they’re not, they were literally on their way to rescue him, that was the next move, that was the plan, the only reason they don’t go through with it is because he walks in, starts shooting, and Wrecker almost dies, but Crosshair doesn’t know that. He wasn’t there to hear Hunter say that was the plan, no more than the rest of the batch was there so see what Nala Se and Tarkin did to him.

The worst part? None of them know about the parts they missed yet(2). Hunter, Wrecker, Echo, Tech, and Omega still don’t know what happened to Crosshair after the guards took him away. Crosshair still doesn’t know the others were coming for him. And I’m really curious about what’s going to happen if, and maybe when, they all get that context.

1. “Aftermath” takes place over at least several days, meaning Crosshair’s chip has been partially active and working its way into his thought processes the entire time.

2. I also think that part of the reason why things between Hunter and Crosshair are so broken is not because either (or neither) of them is willing to see things from the other’s point of view, but because both of them understands the other’s point of view a little too well, but in a way that lacks necessary context. Hunter probably understands that Crosshair has every reason to hate him, every reason to feel bitter and betrayed, and, honestly, Hunter probably agrees with Crosshair in that regard, and hates himself because of it. But Hunter also doesn’t know that Crosshair was never trying to kill them of his own free will and that he was therefore never bitter enough to actually want to hurt them. And Crosshair probably completely understands that Hunter has every reason to distrust him and to have completely given up hope that he might come home, and he probably hates himself for everything the chip made him do. But Crosshair doesn’t know that his family was, in fact, coming back for him and that Hunter is furious with himself for having left Crosshair behind. If they both ever had those gaps filled in they’d maybe both realize that, for all their hurt and misunderstanding, neither of them has ever hated the other. I desperately need them to sit down and talk. And then hug. And to break down weeping. Give me that catharsis I am BEGGING THIS DAMN SHOW.

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

[rendevok]

Moon dance 🌕✨

[arom-antix]

As part of a two-part reverse bang-bang, here's some more Valentines art to which @probablytoooldforthis wrote an amazing fic, Sweets for the Sweet! Please go check it out, I promise you won't regret it, and keep your eyes peeled for the second chapter - and artwork, of course - coming out on White Day aka the 14th of March!

Also, I this is an unrendered version, the finished version will be posted within about a week's time (hopefully) since I don't have access to digital drawing at the moment YuY

[hella1975]

it's been pointed out on here before that a lot of terf arguments are actually rooted in sexist idealology that feminists fought and died to unnormalise decades ago and that's its own kettle of fish but one thing i also find very frustrating about this so called 'radical' feminism is that it's so... defeatist? like the moment you categorically label an entire section of society as Bad and Inherently Evil then there's also the implication that nothing can be done about it, and it completely takes all accountability away. saying all men are evil is just another way of saying boys will be boys. he raped her because he's a man. he hit her because he's a man. he didn't listen because he's a man - it's almost offensively oversimplified. there's no point trying to fix this issue in society because men are just Like That, okay! so now what? it's not like they're going anywhere, so you just accept that 50% of the population are evil and will forever treat you terribly and there's nothing to be done about it bc they're biologically predisposed to it? like is that fr the argument here? you're soooo radical for that

[firstofficerkittycat]

[sexting u] ur 1960s kirk spock internalised homophobia analysis wouldnt make it 5 seconds on twitter

[inkblackorchid]

Yusei built her a duel runner from scratch, from scraps, because of course he did

2. They upgraded it for her all together!!!!!!!!!!

Look at how happy they are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look at how happy she is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They are ALL friends and I love them so much!!!

[quins-makeshift-menagerie]

The process is a bitch and I want to fight it

[crossbackpoke-check]

Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman

part one | part two

[feroluce]

When Al Haitham dreams, it's in shades of sandy blonde and red, metallic gold and feather-blue. His nightmares are colored much the same.

Kaveh leisurely strolls ahead of him, shoes leaving deep treads in the soft desert sand. He keeps a careful distance, arms length, and in return Al Haitham keeps an eye on him, the other man's back dead center in his sights.

He curses the sand in his boots and the long line of footprints he steps into, already the exact shape of the soles of his shoes.

They aren't lost. Al Haitham knows where they are. They've been here before. They are still here.

Kaveh doesn't watch their feet. His head is constantly tipped back with his eyes on the stars and their constellations (of which Al Haitham only knows two, Vultur Volans and Paradisaea). He'll walk right into a cactus like that. Al Haitham yells ahead for him to watch where he's going.

Kaveh reaches up to touch the side of his head in a strange motion, but otherwise there's no acknowledgement. They press on into the dark of night.

Something squelches beneath Al Haitham's boot.

It stops him short, pulls his attention like a magnet and as much as he wants to, he can't ignore it. He doesn't want to lose any more ground. But something won't let him move on. Al Haitham watches as red seeps into the golden sand, spills beyond the border of his bootprint until he slides his foot aside.

It's an ear.

It's a human ear, and there's a heavy earring attached, metallic gold, gems red and green, a familiar shape, a familiar shade-

Al Haitham opens his mouth to yell. Chokes. Swallows the lump in his throat as he quickly restarts his pace. Tries again.

"Hey!"

Another squelch under a hurried footstep. He doesn't stop to look. Al Haitham is pretty sure he knows what it is.

"Kaveh, hey!"

The path becomes littered, little slices and small pieces, fingertips and knuckles, Kaveh's arms once held casually behind his back now strewn along the sands. Every time Al Haitham extends his hand to him, reality warps and bends like the twisted image in a broken mirror, lines mismatched and edges jagged. Kaveh flits just beyond his grasp, fleeting fae, no longer able to hear him or to reach out to him. Al Haitham can only grit his teeth and follow.

His right foot marches forward. His left follows. His right again. His left suddenly doesn't follow, and Al Haitham is thrown off balance and pitches forward, swinging his arms outward to land on his palms and keep his face off the ground, because he's been in the desert enough times to know what a foot suddenly being stuck can mean.

Quicksand.

Al Haitham curses and swears in just about every language he knows as he tries to spread his weight as evenly as possible, stay afloat at the top of it because if he sinks, he knows he'll be done for, and shit, Kaveh.

His neck cranes uncomfortably in his search, Kaveh had only been a few feet in front of him, he can't be sunk much further, and he's in the desert much more often than Al Haitham anyway, he'll be familiar with what to do-

Kaveh stands in front of him, empty sleeves fluttering loose. Still just out of his grasp, still watching the stars. The quicksand is already up to his calves.

"Say, Al Haitham..." It's the first he's spoken this whole time. His voice resonates somewhere deeply nostalgic in Al Haitham's chest, produces a ripple that momentarily stuns his heart.

Kaveh is sinking.

Al Haitham stretches out on his belly as far as he's able, it's quickly up to his knees, Kaveh isn't even trying to redistribute his weight or pull himself out, it's at his thighs, Al Haitham sucks in a breath and yells for him, his hips, yells louder, his waist, Al Haitham's trembling fingertips can almost reach, his chest, Kaveh drops level with him, quicksand about his neck like a noose.

Kaveh's head tips back, back, impossibly far back, until it hangs, angle awkward, and he's looking right past Al Haitham with his tired smile and gouged, blinded sockets full of starlight.

"Do you believe in karma?"

The quicksand swallows him entirely and Al Haitham dives, shoves his arms deep and pushes off with the one foot he'd had left on safe ground, because he can't, he can't, it's not the same without Kaveh, not anymore, he needs him, no one else keeps him sharp, no one else challenges him like Kaveh, if he can just grab him, if he can just pull him back up-

Al Haitham thrashes, against the sands, against gravity, against the hardwood of his bedroom floor. Clumsily scrubs the back of his hand across his face to rub the grit of quicksand and sleep out of his eyes.

Sometimes he thinks he preferred it when the Akasha was still harvesting his dreams.

He pops his head out from under his weighted blanket and lays where he'd fallen out of bed for a moment, blinking blearily against the lamplight shining from his desk in the corner. Deep breaths. His consciousness shifts along the blurred line of nightmare and reality, crosses over the slow transition into wakeful awareness.

He's home, Kaveh is home. It's dark out. The house is dead silent.

He's just going to go check, he tells himself as he peels himself out of his sweat-soaked shirt and roots around for a replacement. He's already losing memories of his nightmare, the details spilling away from him like wet ink, but he knows he needs to see Kaveh. It'll feel better to do something, anything, than try to go straight back to sleep.

He's quiet when he slips out of his bedroom door, because they both keep late hours but their bedrooms are right next to each other, and Al Haitham will never hear the end of it if he wakes his roommate up.

Lights off, door shut. Nothing conclusive. He moves out to the main room.

Kaveh sits on one of those ridiculous sofas he'd ordered three of for some reason, back to him as he tucks a lock of hair behind his ear. A mostly-empty wine bottle stands tall on the table, next to the cobbled-together remains of an architectural model that's been picked and fussed over for four days straight now.

"Kaveh? What are you doing?"

This earns him an exaggerated startle, but Kaveh doesn't turn to look at him, preoccupied with whatever new sketch or blueprint he probably has in his hands. "Ohhh, nothing," he slurs cheerfully. "Just working. Just thinking."

Kaveh has always been the world's chattiest drinker. Al Haitham waits for the rest of it.

"Say, I think...I think I asked you this years ago, back then, but you never answered me." Al Haitham feels all the blood drain from his face in ominous familiarity, drip cold down the length of his spine. Kaveh sinks into the couch until he can tip his head over the back of it, looking up at him with a tired smile and exhausted eyes.

"Do you believe in karma?"

[thedevotionaltour]

hi guys :)

[theflyingfeeling]

...😭

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

[jonathanbiers]

Argyle never gets frustrated with Steve when he doesn’t understand something. He doesn’t roll his eyes, or give That Sigh. He explains things patiently, if a bit abstractly, and when Steve is way off base Argyle runs with it. Is Vecna a vampire? Whoa that would be wild, man! Do you think he can’t have garlic? We could just take him out with a gnarly garlic pie, my dude!

the way you're seeing into my mind.... argyle being really soft with steve and taking the time to make sure he doesn't feel stupid when he's confused is something i've considered AT LENGTH (specifically in dms with @himbohohoharringtxn who has the unfortunate luck of being on the receiving end of Most of my argyle thoughts fdjghkdfj)

i would like to preface this by saying that i am firmly in "argyle and steve are both genuinely smart" territory. i think steve is very neurodivergent coded (i see the arguments for adhd/autism/dyslexia/ocd and as someone who might be autistic but is diagnosed with the other three....i see these arguments and i agree on all fronts) and there's also the head trauma of it all, though that's not what this is about. he's not fucking dumb, he just needs things broken down and explained to him in a very specific way. nothing wrong with that!

as far as argyle is concerned - we've literally seen him in action noticing small details no one else has(one of my fav parallels between them), which ends up being the reason the cali group finds nina and el. he's not fucking dumb either, just delivered to us as a comic relief stoner character with little dimension because the duffers need to be fucking stopped

BUT ANYWAY! you're so right! argyle would see the way steve sometimes gets brushed off and spoken over. the rest don't mean it to be hurtful and steve tries not to show that it does sometimes sting (because it's really not that big of a deal to him and it's not like they're being outright mean) but he would ABSOLUTELY "yes and-" whatever steve's off the wall question or idea was, if anything just to make him laugh, relieve some of the tension. AND IT WORKS is the thing.

it's not just, "duuuude, what if we just lure vecna into the sun? he'll be TOAST in five seconds flat, no fighting necessary. nancy, you can put the gun down, we're gonna hurl garlic cloves at him with a slingshot!" in one fell swoop, argyle is 1. making sure steve feels heard and not spoken over; 2. acknowledging steve's input and effort in a way that, let's be honest, the others don't do very often; 3. putting a smile on the group's faces for a while because fuck they're kids in a stressful situation and need a laugh; 4. putting himself in the line of fire so the others can rag on him instead.

argyle would do this when they aren't even dating yet and steve definitely would not be normal about it, he'd be smiling so big and soft and then argyle would catch his eye and smile back and they'd have this little quiet moment between them amidst all the chaos and dread.

after they're dating though? oh, they'd be INSUFFERABLE. they'd be such a pda couple, with the ridiculous pet names("what the fuck did you just call me?" "don't worry about it, my lil sweet potato pie."), and the open flirting until their friends are fake-retching, the whole nine yards. argyle is hanging off of steve's back with his arms around his waist and not even acknowledging it as he makes his argument to the rest of the group that, "no, no, listen. steve is onto something here, i just know. what if-"

and when they're alone, it'd be less of the theatrics and silliness and more of the gentle patience. they're both smart in really different ways and when argyle gets something steve doesn't and steve is getting a little frustrated about it, he'd take his hand or pull him close and just distract him with a little bit of affection to get him to cool down because he knows being frustrated isn't going to help steve figure out whatever it is. conversely, steve does the same when he's trying to explain something to argyle - though he's less likely to get as frustrated when confused, and more likely to pretend to take longer to get it than he actually does because listening to steve explain a subject he's knowledgeable about is fucking hot, can you blame him? they're just soft with each other, okay

[front-facing-pokemon]

[goldenwilmon]

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