#and I love doing toy soldier anyway it's such a fun little fit

[delaneytalks-tostatues]

Now that I have you Mechanisms enjoyers attention, I will be Cosplaying The Toy Soldier again this weekend bc my girlfriend is Cosplaying Jon Sims (TMA) and thought it would be fun for the bit and as you know I can never say no to her--

[hunterbunter3000]

Tbh the way you write Krueger gives me sugar daddy / obsessive vibes (not that I can complain). I love the idea of him being so obsessed to please sweetheart in any way she wants (personally I HC him as a service top switch, specially w the way you write him). But if you’re ever up to it I’d love some Krueger drabble (or ghost or könig bc they’re yummy too)

-🪿(hönk)

HÖNK BABES OMG

18+

You are so right with him being a service top 👏 ugh he would so eat her out until she passes out. Round after round, with his big ass hands clamped around her thighs and his thick tongue flicking against her overworked clit. AUGH he would cum so quickly because of her taste and moans. He would cum just from eating her out 💀💀

And he 10000000%% is obsessive with Sweetheart. He only thinks about Sweetheart 25/8 and all he wants to do is please her. He calls her "My little Goddess" for a reason ✨️ just touching her is a blessing to him. Touching her hand, he would crumble right then and there. He would do anything and EVERYTHING for this woman. He wants-- NEEDS-- to be around her all the time, or he will go INSANE. He's also pretty possessive with her. But Sweetheart shut that shit down, so he's only just a little teehee🤭 but yeah he becomes quite jealous when people talk to her. Don't touch her because you will lose a hand. And if you make a move? Oh, you're gonna end up either on a t-shirt or on a milk carton.

(I can go on and on with Krueger about being an obsessive freak with Sweets HAHA)

And hönk omg sugar daddy Krueger makes me want to fold😭 she wouldn't even ask him to be a sugar daddy, he would just do it himself. He LOVES spoiling her, even though she doesn't ask for it, he does it anyway. And of course she's thankful for it, she's not a brat. But that makes him buy MORE SHIT FOR HER

It's a cycle:

• Krueger buys something for Sweets

• Sweets yells at him

• Sweets says thank you and smiles

• Krueger gets the happy juice in his brain

And then it starts over 💀

He's even bought her an apartment close to his, but she wanted to stay in her old family home, so he said "okay. I'll just live closer to you" and she's like-- w h a t 🧍‍♀️

And OH he would so buy toys for her. Like vibrators. He bought one that he could control from afar and that was such a fun day LOL When he's not around, like on a mission, he made a mold out of his cock for her 💀 and yk... she uses it sometimes HWHEHSHES Krueger asked her to send a video of her using it and she does. She was so embarrassed and shy when she did it. Wearing one of Krueger's shirts and ONLY his shirt-- and her hair out (he loves seeing her hair down) and she's on the bed with the toy and she lubes it up, cause it's fucking huge. AND IT HAS A SUCTION CUP LOL so she just slaps on the bed frame and rubs it on her slit.

Fuck, and Krueger is just watching it like it's the last thing on earth. He is so FUCKING HARD and he wants to be there and fuck her himself. He hears her little whimper when the toy prods her hole. Sweet's is bent on the bed and holding a pillow, her eyebrows knitted and tears already springing in her eyes. Omg that makes Krueger go FERALLL

And once she backs her thick ass back into it, she squeals so loudly and starts to twitch. "Fuck... I think I just came..." GIRL I THINK KRUEGER JUST CAME WHEN YOU SAID THAT WTF-- she starts to grind on it, as much as she can fit, and starts to bounce on it. Her moans and whimpers flow through the speaker of his phone and other soldiers are just frozen and turned on, and are scared to shit to tell him that everyone can hear what's playing on his phone 💀(he honestly doesnt give a shit, hes too engrossed on the video) and Graves comes over, pissed at Krueger because it's extremely distracting whatever is on his phone. Graves was about to speak until he saw Sweetheart fucking herself on the biggest dildo he has ever seen. He has never seen her moan and whimper like that-- like gurl where has this side been?? And he just stands there with his eyes big and mouth gaping. His dick twitches in his pants and he feels light-headed. The fucking wet sounds of her stretched pussy and her low babbles and her bottom half jiggling with every bounce is straight torture for the both of them.

"Fuuucckkkk Krueger, if this is the size of your actual fucking cock I don't think I can take it..." Sweetheart whimpers out. Graves is like- SORRY WHAT

THAT BIG THING IS A MOLD OF KRUEGER'S COCK??? It's literally making a small bulge in her stomach when she sits up and it's not even in all the fucking way. Krueger growls, his knee bouncing like CRAZZYY "You'll take it, baby. You will." He mumbles to himself. Omg he's so turned on its making him unstable.

She goes faster, the bed frame creaking with her backing up on it. She gets louder and her thighs start shaking so damn much. "Cumming... Cumming!" She bites the pillow hard as her pussy creams around the dildo. She makes such a mess on the bed frame omg (Krueger and Graves wanted to lick it all clean) and she's breathing heavily, trying to calm herself down. Once she does, she gets up to get her phone, they can see that she's a bit sweaty and eyes teary and low. She wipes her face and she sighs before speaking. "I can't believe I did this. Fuck I'm still shaking. Just-- be safe Krueger." And the video ends. The silence is THICCKKKK AFTERWARDS LMAO

But I am making a smut fic between Krueger and Sweetheart, so keep an eye out for that!

[thenamesblurrito]

To bring some positivity to TFOne coming out, what stuff did you like about the trailer? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

oh man im still digesting it a lil bit but whoof lets go-

ECOLOGY

WE HAVE ROBOT ANIMALS!!! FLORA AND FAUNA!! WE SEE MORE THAN JUST CITIES WE SEE LANDSCAPES AND GEOGRAPHIC FEATURES AND A BLEND OF CIVILIZATION AND WILD SPACES AND A PROPER ALIEN PLANET!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANIMALS!!!!!

like don't get me wrong the cities themselves rock and are gorgeous, but we only ever see like... just a bunch of grey metal and blocky greebled buildings and rust. Cyberverse was probably my favorite properly alien planet as a whole instead of just a really big sci fi city named Cybertron and i'm so excited to see what they do with it in One, ESPECIALLY with how it seems to be heavily technoorganic and hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Quintessonsssssssssssss eeeheheheheh give me the SQUIDS

actually for that matter the aesthetics?? this is such a fascinating artistic direction that i'm really appreciating like the vaporwave sunsets, the fractal moving mountains and aurora horizon, those busy neon city scenes and the upside down underground towers and... whoof it's all so incredible?? and it manages to be visually stunning WITHOUT just being a bunch of, yknow, greebled nonsense. it looks designed, it looks like it has Culture and Life and Intent behind it instead of being a mess of vaguely robotic detail slapped on. i keep wondering what the significance of the tower on the poster will be. the train things are fascinating. the little hints and implications of society and oh how interesting that could be expanded on. the mecha themselves too are like, halfway in between uncanny valley and stylized tin soldier toys for me in a way that took a bit of getting used to but i'm appreciating more and more how it's visibly and joyfully animated instead of trying (and failing) to be 'live action' like the Lion King

the SCALE. THE SCALE!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW RARE IT IS WE GET SO MANY NAMED KNOWN CHARACTERS PACKED INTO SCENES LIKE THIS. tf canons usually have core casts of characters both for storytelling and budget reasons and yet here we've got so many shown off in just the trailer, it makes it feel like a real populated planet instead of a handful of robots and some set dressing like Aligned feels like to me.

i've got some insane questions like why does D-16 already have a Decepticon brand on him??? why is Alpha Trion alone and sad and did he rip those tcogs out of the corpses of other primes to give to them and why is he some kinda mossy gorgonopsid unicorn?? why is Sentinel getting tentacled and will we see him be ripped limb from limb (positive)?? what are Vehicons here and how do they differ from regular bots and what is their purpose???

the only real issue i have is Hasbro being predictable and shoving Bee in when someone else would really better fit this movie as he's typically not meant to be in this time period/role but eh. disappointed but not surprised and willing to let go and laugh at him being comic relief anyway. there's literally not enough information on anything else for me to say if i don't like it or not yet bc i have no idea how they're gonna execute it, but what is there has me eager and hopeful it'll be good

i guess the biggest thing is. it looks fun. it looks FUN!!! the world looks fun, the characters look like they're having fun, it just seems like a movie that wants me to ENJOY it!! i'm ready for a fun movie in a franchise i love!!

[captainimfangirling]

Finally Saw The Borderlands Movie

I went into the theater with an opened mind. I understand nobody can make a movie exactly like the games because there are too many characters, too many guns, the story line is very complex, and everything about it is just so chaotic.

I feel like the only ones who like it are Cate Blanchett fans. I'm not a fan of Cate Blanchett because haven't seen many movies she was in but I do know she's a good actress however this movie didn't suit her at all. I think she only got the role because Eli Roth liked working with her or they're friends. So far I haven't seen him say anything about how she fit the role as Lilith, only that he enjoyed working with her on The House with a Clock in Its Walls. I feel like Hollywood is all about who you know rather than what's best for the movie/tv show. That's why we see the same damn actors in movies.

Kevin heart didn't feel like a soldier to me. He felt more like an annoyed security guard. Tiny Tina being attached to Roland was cute because she did love him in the game. I'm not trying to hate on Ariana Greenblatt but I feel like she wasn't crazy or bubbly enough to be Tiny Tina. She's good at playing teenagers with an attitude like in Barbie. I think she would've been better suited as Ava from Borderlands 3 (it's not an insult like I didn't hate Ava as much as you guys). I did love her costume and her room with all the toys/bombs.

I think Jamie Lee Curtis' did her best with Tannis because it seems very awkward when talking to Lilith and very into science but I don't think she was eccentric enough. Personally I think it makes sense for Tannis to leave a child instead of raising her because she lacks empathy and is more obsessed with science than raising a child. But to be honest making her older than Lilith was a terrible idea because I want to know more about Tannis and Lilith's mother relationship instead of Tannis and Lilith's relationship.

Krieg looked cool but like Tiny Tina I feel like he wasn't crazy enough. He should be twitching and doing crazy stuff. Not just being a little girls body guard. I wish they had one small scene where we hear the sane Krieg talking to show why this Psycho was special and give him more of a personality. Maybe have sane Krieg explain how Tiny Tina reminded him of his daughter. I don't know give us something about sane Krieg.

I don't remember General Knoxx in Borderlands because I haven't played any DLCs games so I got nothing to say. Deukalian Atlas was kind of weird. I feel like he was mix of Handsome Jack and Rhys Strongfork. Also him creating Tiny Tina was stupid. I feel like Tina in the game had a more tragic background because she did have parents who loved her but they were murdered so that explains why she's crazy. In the movie she had no attachments to anyone until Roland. Maybe if they explained in the movie how she was experimented on it might give us a reason why she's crazy but there was no explanation on how she was treated other than she was locked up. I mean being locked up can drive people crazy but being experimented on is much worse.

Anyway that's my review. I'm glad I went with a friend who offered to pay for my ticket so I didn't waste any of my money. Just because someone doesn't like the movie doesn't mean they're a hater, it just means they have an opinion. I really did want to love it and was hoping it would at least make me laugh like the games do I would've thought was movie was fun but I did not laugh at all. It wasn't enjoyably.

One last thing: the movie should've been rated R!!!!

[the2lees]

lmao I am allergic to drawing anything but canines so here’s the teenage mutant ninja doggos

:) <— i am clinically insane

refs & thought process under the cut

ok so! dogs and dog breeds are definitely a special interest of mine, and while my design process is definitely just “draw what feels right” there are thoughts!!! abt breeds!!!!

also I added a lot of personal headcanons bcuz I have three dogs and hang w/ the neighborhood dogs so there’s a lot of info I’ve found for myself irl

but they’re all mixes bcuz if ur gonna use dogs as soldiers I think they'd be mutts for all the traits you can get(variety)

and I didn’t bother being very realistic with markings bcuz that’s no fun

Raph is mostly wolf based bcuz big scary wolf w/ big ass teef but just a big fluffy baby is just so Raph coded

also if he’s a canine I think he would have WAY worse snaggleteeth. like. it’s so bad.

and I gave him spikes because. they’re cool. idk sue me :/

I think Raph would be the type to eat furniture. also Raph would prolly like eating ice cubes. every time I get some ice out the freezer I have to give one to the dog bcuz she likes to eat them so much

Donnie and Leo are kinda Doberman adjacent because dobies are pretty protective and v smart (and very mouthy)

but Donnie def has some of the more mouthy tendencies(besides Raph) and bites a LOT

Mikey feels like a pom to me; loud and annoying but also good dogs(if properly handled)

also Mikey feels like curly poofy guy and poms kinda fit kinda not because small and fur make look kinda round but Poms are also kinda aggressive (ie: doctor delicate touch)

also poms kinda not good swimmers and neither are box turtles

but wolves are decent and so are dobies (plus I’ve never met a large dog who didn’t love water)

anyway I personally think that they'd have some lab for the webbed feet: make for better swimmers(also labs have like, real good temperament)

but Raph and Mikey would be the worst bcuz their fur would get waterlogged while Donnie and Leo have p short coats(because Doberman)

Mikey prolly wouldn't like swimming too much cause his coat would get waterlogged and hes a bit small so swimming is a lot more scary; it's a lot easier to enjoy water when you can touch the bottom lots of smaller dogs are ok in smaller places but the ones I know don't like the pond or lake cause of how deep they are

although I think baths are a different story because all the dogs I know HATE baths so swimming is fine but the second it's time to be clean all hell breaks loose

Raph an D an Leo throw a fit and Mikey just sits in the tub like "I can touch the bottom! :D"

splinter is just tired of being used like a chew toy

it's prolly worse

turtles do bite but dogs tend to be much more mouthy(especially when they’re little)

also there are def a LOT of like, herding dogs and other working breeds for the high energy/easy to train/highly intelligent/very strong kinda stuff that would be uber useful

basically; the designs have clear inspiration from specific breeds, but the actual genetics are completely muddled

[the-iceni-bitch]

Territory Getting Hotter

Pairing: Carol Danvers x enhanced!Fem Reader

Words: ~2.9k

Summary: You’ve made another mess for the Avengers and they find out about your relationship with Captain Danvers

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (fe receiving oral sex, use of toys, squirting, overstimulation, light dom aspects), mentions of canon level violence, SMUT!!!! 18+ ONLY!!!!

A/N: I love these two!!! Dom!Carol is it you guys, wow. Also, reader is such a massive pain in the ass and I love her for it, I can’t wait to piss off every single Avenger with her antics.

Check out my masterlist and join my taglist here!

You beamed at Carol when she walked into the kitchen, still bleary eyed from sleep as she stretched and ran a hand through her hair.

“Hey babe!” You grinned at her. “Guess who made pancakes?”

“You’re the best sweetie.” She murmured, wrapping around your back and nuzzling into your hair. “We’ll make a housewife out of you yet.”

You laughed as she moved to pour herself some coffee when there was a sudden pounding on the front door.

“Danvers!!” A low voice shouted through the door. “Open up, its Rogers!!”

“Shit!” She hissed, looking around frantically as she tried to find someplace to stash you.

“Would you relax?” You said as you rolled your eyes at her. “He has to find out sometime.”

“Yeah, but not today! He already sounds pissed. One second!!” She shouted back, throwing on some sweats. “Just find somewhere to hide, I don’t feel like dealing with this today.”

She moved to open the door as you shook your head at her, weighing your hiding place options.

“Hey Steve, what’s up?” She said, nonchalantly as she let him inside.

“What’s up? Have you watched the news yet this morning?” He seethed as he stormed into the kitchen.

“Oh no. What did she do?” Carol said, taking a deep breath and cursing you in her head for whatever shit storm you’d started now.

“I can’t even talk about it, I’m so mad.” He growled, moving to pour himself a cup of coffee without even asking. “Even Stark was pissed, and he’s usually pretty lenient.”

“Uh-huh.” Carol said as she chewed on her lip and nibbled on a piece of bacon.

“She managed to drag Thor into it, too. We may have to move her to a full time handler, one that she can’t corrupt.” He said, starting to calm down a little bit. “We’re having a meeting about it in 30 minutes, just wanted you to be prepared. How would you feel about taking her on?”

Carol heard a snort from somewhere in the apartment and did her best not to whip around to find you. Unfortunately Steve heard it to with his damn super soldier hearing.

“What was that?” He hissed, his eyes darting all over the quarters.

“Uh, my smoke alarm’s been acting up.” Carol muttered, trying to usher him out the door. “I’ll think about it, see you soon!”

She slammed the door closed and started searching for you.

“What the fuck did you do, baby?” She asked, scanning the apartment for you.

“Y’know, I think I’m gonna leave that for a surprise.” She heard from above her head and shot her gaze upwards.

You had somehow managed to wedge yourself into a tiny corner in the ceiling of the hallway leading to her bedroom. She was giving you a disapproving look as you dropped to the floor with a grunt and grinned at her.

“You think you can handle me babe?” You said as you moved to the bedroom to get dressed.

——————————————————————————

The two of you were sitting across from each other in the conference room half an hour later, trying to act like you didn’t fuck each other’s brains out every chance you got.

Or, at least Carol was. You were sliding your foot up the inside of her leg as she glared murderously at you and you just grinned like an idiot. She shook her head at you and turned to look at the giant screen where Tony was pulling up the surveillance footage as the rest of the team gave you exasperated glances.

“Oh, here we go, we’re getting to the good part.” Tony said, giving you a meaningful look as he slowed the footage down. “Now who’s this guy you just punched in the face and then threw across the club like a rag doll?”

“I think that’s the Duke of Edinburgh.” You said with a shrug, leaning back in your chair.

“No, that’s the Duke of Sussex, y’know, the queen’s nephew.” Nat said as she took a long drink of her coffee, looking exhausted.

“Oh shit, really?” You said, still grinning like an idiot. “Whoops.”

“And wait, here’s where Point Break blows all the lights in the club, which he says was your idea, so the two of you can make a run for it.” Stark said when the video suddenly went black.

“We weren’t making a run for it, we were pursuing our suspect.” You said, staring daggers at Thor as he tried to sink into his chair.

“Uh-huh, and did you catch your suspect?” Steve said through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, he’s in holding right now.” You said with a shrug.

“What?! Why wasn’t that in your report?” Rogers said as he started to dig through the pile of paperwork in front of him.

“I haven’t completed the report yet, Captain Rogers.” You said lightly. “I made sure to update Captain Danvers though.”

“Let’s not get off track, this is about you assaulting a member of the royal family.” Tony said as he tried to redirect the conversation.

“He assaulted me first! He grabbed my ass and made some very ungentlemanly comments about what he would do if he got me in his car.” You said, pouting as you rested your head on your hands.

“He did grab her ass, Stark. I saw it.” Thor piped up before Rogers shot him a look and he went back to inspecting his coffee.

“So you threw him? That seems like a bit of an overreaction.” Tony said with an uncomfortable shrug.

“It’s a reflex, Stark.” You said, your eyes rolling back in your head as the other women frowned at him. “Sorry, I don’t think putting up with sexual harassment is in my job description.”

“Ok, ok fine. Nat, is there anyway you can spin this?” Stark said, turning to Romanoff as she let out a deep sigh.

“Yeah, the man is a pretty notorious dog, shouldn’t be too hard.” She muttered.

“Great! Excellent meeting team, see y’all at the next one!” You said, starting to stand up before Steve turned his attention to you.

“No, we still need to discuss your recklessness, Y/L/N.” He seethed, shooting you a scowl that you returned with a mocking air that had Carol trying to hold back a snort. “I’ve thought about it a lot and I think the best course is to have you under more direct supervision. I considered splitting up you and Odinson but I feel like that would just spread the chaos around after how much you’ve corrupted him.”

You shot a grin and a wink at Thor that he returned as the two of you finally relaxed, but Steve was still talking.

“So, Danvers is going to be accompanying you on your missions now. I feel like her levelheaded attitude is just what’s needed to keep you two in line.” He said with a satisfied smirk.

“Uh, you sure Danvers is the best choice there, Cap?” Tony said whole Nat snickered into her coffee.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t she be?” Steve said as he looked around at everyone’s amused expressions with confusion.

“They’re fucking each other Steve.” Nat said nonchalantly, sending Steve into a spluttering fit as you started cackling and Carol just rolled her eyes and groaned.

“What?!” Rogers roared, his eyes moving frantically between you and Carol as you grinned at him like an idiot. “How long has this been happening?”

“Six months.” Carol said resignedly, taking a gulp of coffee as she shrugged uncomfortably. “Didn’t really feel like dealing with the paperwork.”

“Si... six months?” Steve groaned, burying his face in his hands. “And you didn’t think that might be a conflict of interest?”

“Don’t worry Cap, Danvers is quite the disciplinarian.” You said with a wicked grin as you waggled your eyebrows suggestively.

Carol growled at you and gave you a meaningful look, and you just rolled your eyes at her before leaning back on your chair and propping your boots on the conference table.

“Well... shit.” Steve sighed, running his palm over his face in exasperation. “I guess Bucky can probably oversee some of your ops, and I’ll take over the rest of them. What?”

You and Thor both groaned at that, rolling your eyes at each other.

“Just, Barnes? Could you pick a bigger stick in the mud?” You said with a shrug. “I mean, we get it dude. You were tortured by evil scientists for years who turned you into a mindless killing machine, who wasn’t? And, I love you Steve, but do you even drink?”

“Ok, we’re gonna head out now.” Carol said as she frowned at you, stepping between you and Steve before a real fight broke out. “Guess we’ll report to HR as soon as we can.”

“Uh-huh.” Rogers mumbled, pouting a little as she ushered you out of the room.

Nat followed after the two of you lazily, shaking her head at Steve and Tony as Stark and Thor tried to assure the Captain that he was loads of fun to be around and a blast at all their parties.

“Congrats again you two.” She said with a grin as she split down a different hallway to her own quarters.

“Thanks Nat! You ever gonna tell him about you and Wilson?” You yelled after her, laughing when she flipped you off over her shoulder. “Told ya they knew, babe.”

“Yeah.” She mumbled before grinning at you. “So, you beat up a royal?”

“Shit. In my defense, I didn’t know he was a royal until after I threw him.” You said, following her down the hall back to her apartment. “I thought he was just a smarmy asshole.”

“That’s the problem, sweetheart.” She purred over her shoulder. “You never consider the consequences of your actions.”

“That’s all I think about, babe.” You said with a wicked grin as you waited for her to open the door.

“And now you’re dragging poor Thor into your messes.” She tutted, shaking her head at you as she closed the door and stripped off her jacket. “If I didn’t know better I’d think you had a little crush on that himbo.”

“If you didn’t know better?” You beamed at her, starting to unbutton your jeans and step out of your boots. “Honey, he’s a literal god. I have a massive crush on him.”

“Oh, are you trying to make me jealous?” She ripped off her tank top and threw it aside. “Cuz I’m already pissed at you.”

“Yeah? What’re you gonna do about it?”

She stepped forward and gripped your jaw tightly, smashing her mouth to yours as she started steering you towards the bedroom. You yelped when she tossed you on the bed, grinning as she climbed on top of you.

“You’re such a bad girl.” She growled at you, ripping your bra off in one quick motion.

You screamed when she slapped your tit harshly, the stinging sensation warming your chest while she bent to open the top drawer of the nightstand.

“I am. I’m fucking horrible.” You gasped as she rifled around. “What are you doing?”

She grinned at you as she straightened back up, holding a set of extra shiny looking restraints.

“These are vibranium.” She cooed as she grabbed your wrists and dragged them above your head, hooking them through the headboard as you panted underneath her. “I stole them from R and D, and there’s no way even you can break out of them.”

“Yeah, we’ll see.” You said around a smirk, giving your hands a test yank and nodding appreciatively as Carol shackled each of your feet to the opposing bedposts.

She bit her lip as she stared at you, your legs spread wide over the bed and making your back arch. You moaned as she tore off your panties and slapped your pussy, your muscles twitching as arousal seeped out of you.

“Mmm, you look so good like this.” She mumbled, sliding down until she was laying between your thighs. “Can’t decide whether I should edge you all night or make you come so many times you forget your own name.”

She ran her tongue over your slit in a heavy stripe and you let out a shriek as you came as soon as she reached your clit. She pressed your hips into the mattress as she lashed her tongue against your bundle of nerves, making your legs quiver with the strain of your orgasm.

“Looks like you made my decision for me.” She grinned at you before diving back in.

Her tongue swirled through your folds expertly, sucking your lips into your mouth and humming against you as your pussy started clenching around nothing. She wrapped her lips around your clit and you came again with a sob as your limbs pulled against the restraints, your body trying to arch off the bed.

She shoved her tongue inside you and you screamed as another orgasm crashed over you when her teeth brushed against your tiny bundle of nerves. Carol kept curling her tongue inside you as you vibrated underneath her, moaning as your release flowed into her mouth and soaked her chin.

“Fuck, Carol!” You whined as she sat up between your legs and lightly ran her fingers over your inner thighs. “That was almost too much.”

“Oh, we’re not done yet.” She smirked as she watched you panting underneath her, reaching for the bedside table again while you squirmed.

“Hey!” you exclaimed as she pulled out a massive dildo from the drawer of toys. “Is that my stormbreaker? I’ve been looking for that!”

“Yeah, well I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.” She murmured before dragging the length on the thing through your slick coated folds, making you keen. “Did you know this thing comes with a thruster?”

“Yeah, why do you think I bought it?” You teased before your eyes rolled back in your head as she shoved it inside you.

She started fucking you with the toy at a punishing pace, grinning as you came apart like putty in her hands. Tears started leaking down your cheeks when she turned the vibrating function on and angled it so it was teasing against your clit with each push.

You whined as she bent over you and wrapped her lips around your nipple and swirled her tongue around it. She grinned against your chest as you tried to arch into her mouth, your restraints still holding you in place.

“Mmm, you gonna come again baby?” She muttered, nipping at the curve of your breast as your body started twitching, your release looming over you as you sobbed wordlessly. “Do it, you look so pretty when you fall apart.”

She twisted her wrist and you shrieked as your pussy fluttered wildly, your release leaking out around the dildo and pooling on her sheets. Your cried as she kept fucking you through it, wet sloshing sounds filling her bedroom as the toy slid in and out of you easily.

You let out an inhuman wail when she turned on the thruster and you felt the tip of the toy punch you in the cervix, coming again immediately as your body writhed wildly.

“Shit, I see why you love this thing.” She smirked as she kissed her way up your chest, still shoving the toy into your overworked cunt as your body went lax, your head polling to the side and drool leaking from the corner of your mouth. “You think about Thor fucking you when you use this, babe? Maybe I should bring him in here to fuck you stupid while I watch, would you like that?”

You just mumbled stupidly as your body shook with another orgasm, sinking into the bed in your fucked out state. Her slap snapped you out of it, making you take in a sharp breath as your brain rebooted.

“I asked you a question.” She growled as she twisted the toy again and you let out a low moan.

“I feel like this might be a trap.” You gasped as she palmed at your breast and laid down against your shoulder, still thrusting the toy into you viciously.

“That sounds like a yes to me.” She purred, nuzzling into your neck as she gave the toy a final push.

You screamed as she pulled it out of you suddenly, your release squirting out of you in a violent rush. Your body thrashed violently with the power of your orgasm and Carol cursed as you snapped her headboard and bedposts, the bed frame shuddering before one of the legs gave out and it sank to the floor with a crash.

“Holy fuck, you ok?” She asked, sitting up and grinning at you as she assessed the damage you’d caused.

“Yeah.” You said, swallowing thickly as you moved your limbs with a groan. “At least we know the cuffs work! Sorry about your bed.”

“Don’t worry about it.” She murmured, grabbing the key and unlocking the restraints before pulling you back against her chest. “We’ll just use yours I guess.”

“Are you gonna move in with me? I think that may give Rogers an aneurysm.”

“He’ll get over it.” She shrugged as you nuzzled into her chest. “Now, how do you think we should approach Thor?”

“What?! You were serious?”

——————————————————————————

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[aka-irish]

Apex Legends: The Top Predator Part 5. Predators to Prey

A blue portal opens up in the center of King’s Canyon. *Thwapew* and in a flash of blue light the Legends all appear lined up, hands on their guns as they await this new foe. The electronic banners in the canyon flicker as the Doctor Traxler’s face appears once more. “Bravo, Legends. I’m glad you made the right choice. I wouldn’t have wanted to set those bombs off, anyway, but I needed an insurance policy. With that said, I wanted to test our new toy. Please...accept my boy as you have any other legend. He does have a bit of a temper” The doctor snidely remarks, a huge grin on his face. The months of laboring research and creation finally coming to fruition for him. “We will stop you” yells Wraith, a finger pointing up at the monitor. “Oh, I doubt that” replies the doctor. “And even if you do, you won’t stop us, for as the wheels turn, we do our part. Now. “The doctor turns to off screen. “Release Darwin!” commands Traxler. “Sir!” says a soldier before hitting a button. A whirring from a door can be heard and the glass tank is released through a hatch in the floor as it launches down from a ship. The Legends look up and in a few moments a large metallic container can be seen descending from the sky. As it approaches the ground below rockets kick in to slow the fall. Upon landing it begins smoking as the air pressure begins releasing, and upon opening, the glass tank can be seen with Darwin in it. The tank drains and opens and the large body falls out onto his knees inside the metal hatch. “Hrr..hrrrr.hrrrr” a mix of deep breathing and seething can be heard coming him, as his powerful lungs expand and inhale for the first time on their own. The muscles twitch and flex as he begins to stand up, his massive frame almost too overshadowing the tank behind, making one wonder how he could have fit inside it. He stands up and eyes the legends. Steel grey eyes locked on the band of warriors as his teeth grit. “HrrRRWAAHHHHHH” roars the abomination of man. “Play nice, Legends.HAAHHA” the doctor laughs before his signal cuts out and the monitors display the fight. Darwin steps forth. 

“Hmph” Crypto quickly breathes as he throws out Hack “I’ll keep Hack open to provide any data scans in case things go south.” states the Korean hacker. “Good” replies Bangalore. “Oh my God, enough talking. Let’s bake this freak. RAPIDO!” bursts out Octane as he injects himself with a stim and charges the creature solo. “SILVA, NO!’ cries out Lifeline as the daredevil runs full speed at Darwin. “Catch me if you can, pendejo! Octane aims his mastiff shotgun at the beast of a man and he begins to unload a buckshot. The spray from the powerful gun land directly at the chest of the 6′6 bald, monster. *Tink* a small shield absorbs most of the shots. “Shielded up, eh? No matter. I’ll whittle you down, you can’t catch me” says Oct as he stims up again, the brash stuntman remarks happily, loving the thrill of the challenge. Darwin lashes a monstrous arm out, swinging at the speedster but he misses. “Oooo..gonna have to do better than that. yehehehahahah!” he laughs. Darwin swings again, misses, but becomes a bit closer. Octane fires another shot, the bullets once again absorbed by the energy shield. Darwin leaps at him and Octane slides under him. “Those muscles make ya slow, haha!” He jumps up and throws a kick at his face. The robotic legs kick off Darwin’s face, not even staggering him. “GRAHHHHHH!” he roars in annoyance as he lashes out once more. BA-THOOM BATHOOM BATHOOM, one of Darwin’s massive hearts begins to thunder and accelerate...BATHOOMBATHOOMBATHOOM, the second heart begins to beat faster and harder. As the two other hearts begin to catch up and speed up, Darwin begins moving even faster. He throws a wild punch as it grazes Octane’s mask. “The hell?” he wonders, the sudden surge in speed surprising him as a second fist connects to his stomach. “GAH!” he cries out in pain, never having been hit with such force in his life. He gets sent flying back as he coughs up blood in his mask. “HKHKHKHK!” he can’t breathe in the mask as he chokes on the blood. Darwin accelerates towards him, the added hearts pumping so fast in a way that his body is able utilize more oxygen to speed up his muscles to match even Octane. A blue portal opens up instantly between Octane and Darwin as a blue energy shield pops out to absorb the force. “Tch..you’re a strong one, huh” Gibraltr pops out of Wraith’s portal with his shield up. Wraith, having led the portal, grabs Octane and jumps back through, leaving the human fortress to fight the behemoth of Pinnacle. Gibraltr smiles as he his shield up and Maori club in his free hand. The shield absorbing the angry blows of Darwin and he counters with a massive club strike the face in an opening. The energy shield again absorbing the blow but the mighty Makoa, even being able to chop trees in a single stroke, merely knocks the monster’s head back slightly. BATHOOMBATHOOMBATHOOM, the powerful connection of hearts begin to surge again as Darwin throws his blows faster, as he starts to overwhelm Gibby. “Damn..I’ve never faced anyone like you before” Gibby says with a smile on his face as his wild side starts to show. “GRAAHHHH!” Darwin screams. The massive fists colliding with the shield as it shatters. Makoa reaches behind and pulls out his favored Eva-8 automatic shotgun, he points it point blank at Darwin’s stomach and begins pumping in all 8 rounds. Each explosive shot manages to push Darwin back for some space, but the shield reduces the damage once again.

 Meanwhile, Wraith having appeared back with the group puts Octane down by Lifeline. “He’s hurt bad. Whatever that thing is can throw a punch” points out the Voidwalker. “I got him. Go help, Makoa” says Lifeline as she hooks DOC to him to help heal him. Wraith nods before heading back to the portal and jumps in. She ports back out just as Gibraltr gained some space with his EVA. “I don’t know what kinda shield this thing has, but my gun ain’t cutting it Wraith” Gibby remarks as he loads a new drum into his shotgun. Wraith just nods as she finally confronts the nightmare from the base. She pulls out her alternator and leaps in, flipping over the charging monster, firing rapid shots as the bullets just burn through in the shield, Gibby combining with her his Eva. Darwin staggers around, clearly feeling some pain but showing little to no effect of slowing down. “AYE! GET BACK, MATES! FIRIN’ ME KNUCKLECLUSTER!” yells Fuse as he rushes in, firing his signature grenades. “HRUUUUUUUUU!!” Darwin yells in pain at the explosions. “Let’s see how you deal with Salvo’s finest!” smiles the Bonecage Brawler. His 30-30 repeater locked right onto Darwin. The charged shots clinking against the energy armor. “Bloody hell, what’s this?” he questions as Gibby and Wraith both fire. “We don’t know. It’s not an Evo shield I’ve ever seen. “Well..just keep firin then” Fuse’s face turns serious from the fun loving fighting expression that he is known for. The Legends seemingly having the monster on the ropes for the moment. “Why can’t we go in? Lemme at the brute!” blurts out Rampart. “Because, we don’t know what he can do and look what happened when one of us charged in. Silva is out of commission in almost one hit. Guns don’t seem to be working all too well either. As Wraith, Gibby and Fuse continue their advancement, Darwin swings wildly once again. BATHOOMBATHOOMBATHOOMBATHOOM, his hearts accelerating even faster, he charges forward and lands a massive fist to the face of Gibraltr between reloads, ignoring the shots from the other two. “AGH!” Gibby screams out in pain as he flies back, blood spraying immediately from his nose. Lands on the ground with a hard thud. ‘AGHRAARUUUU!’ roars Darwin again, as he swings around and turns his attention to Wraith and Fuse. Gibby staggers himself, the normally proud and happy disposition on his face is turned to, for the first time in a long time, doubt. “Damn” he whispers under his breath and he charges again. *click click click* Wraith’s gun clicks. “Oh no..I;m out” she thinks to herself. She pulls her kunai. “I’m going to phase guys!” she teleports as she ports around and jumps up to climb his distracted shoulders as she goes for a stab to his neck with her kunai. The blade bouncing off the shield...”oh no..” she stutters as Darwin reaches up and powerbombs her into the ground so hard it almost cracks. “Ghuhh!” Wraith bounces against stone and sand as the air immediately leaves her lungs, her body wracked with pain. 

Aboard the Pinnacle ship, Traxler looks on in intent amazement at his creation. The metallic doors open as Colonel Braxton makes his presence known. “You’ve done outstanding work, Doctor” remarks Braxton, his hands held behind as back as he watches the carnage of Pinnacle’s creation. “It really is incredible, isn’t it, Colonel?” questions the sociopath. “We have really done it, we have created the perfect soldier. We have played God here and are winning” he follows up, putting a hand on the Colonel’s shoulder. “And none of it would be possible without your leadership, sir. I hope we may continue to do business with each other.” “And I as well”, replies Braxton as both return to their gaze to the battle below. “Wraith is down! Horizon, retrieve her as quick as possible. Gibs! How is it hanging in there?” questions Bangalore amidst the chaos and commands. Gibraltr throws his dome shield over Wraith as he knocks the even bigger man back out of it. “Not good, Anita. This thing is tough and I don’t know how much more we can hold off” he admits through gritted teeth. A gravity disk is thrown by Wraith and sucks her up to her the Scottish scientist that is Horizon. “No dyin today, deary. We can take a wee nap later” she caringly mutters to the downed Wraith. “And up” Horizon launches another disk and floats back up to the group, landing softly and laying her down by Octane. “Horizon...Wattson...Valkyrie...Caustic, we need to hit him with everything we have, but it’s going to take and timing and work. Ajay, you continue providing care to Oct and Wraith. Loba, Mirage, I need you to go help Gibraltr and get Fuse back up here, we need his Motherlode. We only have one shot at this, guys” Bangalore sternly states before turning to look at Rampart. “P, can you set Sheila up and provide some suppressive fire?”she asks the modded machine gunner. “Can do, girl” Rampart whips around her massive minigun before slapping it a couple times. “Alright, girl, we got a big, mutant skull to crack.” she jollily chortles before running off to set up. “Mirage to the rescue. Dupes deployed” yells Mirage as he charges after the creature, his dupes appearing and running at it. Loba tosses her ring and lands in behind the creature as it continues to throw massive fists with Gibraltr. “Take this you sonofabitch” Loba roars through her teeth as she pulls out the R-99 and begins unloading the rapid clip at Darwin. “GAAAHGRRUUUUHHH” it yells as it now has dupes, Gibraltr, Mirage and Loba fighting. Loba flips between fists and kicks as dupes disappear from being hit while Mirage sets back, unloading his signature Wingman. The high caliber rounds knocking back the beast as it staggers but still seems unaffected due to the modded energy shield. “Bullets don’t see to be working, guys” Mirage remarks as he sends another dupe, Loba continuing to leap and unload clip after clip  with Gibby jumping in with his shotgun. “Fuse, return back” commands Bangalore over the earpiece. “Right” he returns and starts running back, catching the gaze of Darwin. “RAAGHH” he roars as he charges after him. As he does, a hailstorm of bullets comes from atop a cliff as Rampart rains down SHEILA at him. “Take this ya bloody bastard HAHAHA” she laughs manically in delight at the fight. As the barrage of high-caliber bullets hit him, the shield seems to almost crack. 

“Good, P. Keep it going” compliments “Rest of you, GO!” screams the former IMC soldier as the remaining legends rush down the hill. “Gibs, Mirage, and Loba. Get back!” they hear Bangalore bark. Mirage dupes, and Loba jump drives away. Bangalore launches a smokebomb at Darwin, it explodes confusing the almost frozen monster with Rampart shooting him. Rampart stops as Valkyrie flies by, dropping her missiles to stun him for a few moments. “Deploying fences” excitedly states Wattson as she slides down, putting up a square of super charged fences around the monster. “RAGHHHH” Darwin can be heard screaming inside the smoke cloud, lashing out but cringing back in pain due to the electric posts of the genius Ms. Paquette. “Singularity deployed” yells Horizon as she throws NEWT at him. The device opening and unleashing the gravitational pull, keeping Darwin centered. “Droppin the motherlode” as it’s Fuse’s turn to pull out his cannon as he launches the flaming ring over Darwin, the shield absorbing more and more damage, but despite that, Darwin can feel the heat and charge, yelling out in pain. “Gas grenade” calmly states Caustic as he throws his gas grenade. It explodes on contact, releasing the venomous mist inside. The powerful lungs of Darwin inhale the spray and begins choking, his lungs and extra hearts working overtime to metabolize and compensate for the poison. “Bangalore up top pops up a can of her rolling thunder before launching it. “Everyone, get in Gibby’s shield. We end this now” she yells. Gibraltr throws up his dome shield as the signal flare calling for the missiles to drop and line the ground around Darwin. “RUUUUUUAAAAHH!” he screams in the searing agony of the combined ultimates of the Legends. The missiles detonate leaving Darwin to get caught in the explosions, his energy shield reaching maximum capacity and finally cracking, as dust and sand, and gunpowder fills the air, engulfing him. Gibby’s shield finally fading. “Did we win?” asks Mirage, the other legends staring sternly at the dust cloud. 

“Sir, Darwin’s shield has been cracked!” a soldier at a monitor reports out. “And how is Darwin?” calmly asks the doctor. “He appears to have sustained minimal damage, but damage nonetheless” he reads back. “To be expected” states the doctor. “These are the legends after all, but I think it’s time we end this. Activate Darwin’s Cardiac Connection ultimate and drop the Devotions kit” he orders. The soldier nods as he pulls open a switch and hits the read button over Darwin’s screen. Another soldier pulls a lever as a container is launched from the drop ship, plummeting towards the arena. BATHOOM...BATHOOM...BATHOOM, Darwin’s three extra hearts begin beating in different rhythms. *Thoom-thoomp..thoom-thoomp...thoom.thoomp..THOOMthumpthump...thoomthom* Loba winces immediately yelling out in pain as she drops to her knees, hands clutching at her breast. Darwin’s 2nd heart *thoomp-thmp--thoomp-thmp..thmmpp..thmppthmp..BUMP* Mirage drops to his knees, clutching his chest, seething in agony. *BMPBMPBMP..bmp-bmpbummppthump* Rampart falls from SHEILA, hand almost ripping at her shirt. Darwin’s hearts beat rapidly and flail while the hearts of the three legends match them. “What’s going on!?” yells a confused Bangalore. Valkyrie puts an ear down on the convulsing Loba’s breast “THOMMP...thoompthumpthump...thmph......thmph” it’s like shes having a heart attack!” she cries out. “What the hell!? Is this thing still alive or did they cheat us again!?” Bangalore looks as the dust finally settles, and there is Darwin still standing, clutching an arm, cuts across his face, and body, blood dripping down an arm.” RAAAAAHHGHH” he roars, angrier than ever. The previous drop package from Pinnacle lands down in front of him. It opens and out pop two, fully kitted devotions. “Heheh..eheh” breathes out Darwin..almost as if he’s laughing. He reaches in and grabs the guns and aims them at the still standing Legends. Darwin pulls the trigger as the devotions fire their super heavy and powerful spray of energy rounds. The bullets shredding the shields of the Legends and knocking them. “GAH! aGH!” they can all be heard screaming except for one. The whole team, tired and exhausted from their almost fruitless efforts. Lifeline and Crypto, having been support run down, charging the monster as he shoots them down almost as quickly as they came to attack. Bangalore stands atop from her position...eyes wide and stunned at the events that transpired. The heroes...the Legends..the comrades and fighting family before her, all taken out by one person..one thing. She walks down the hill towards Darwin, the devotions hanging at his sides still smoldering before dropping them. She stands toe to toe with him, staring up at his cold, souless yet vicious, steel eyes. “Bastard” she mutters before aiming her G7 Scout at his face, he swats an arm at her, the massive fist connecting with the side of her head. She gets sent several feet away from the impact. 

The drop ship lands and a hatch opens before extending a walkway. Doctor Traxler and a few soldiers, armed with guns up, follow him out as they head towards Darwin, a sick smile spread across his face as he looks at the fallen bodies of the Legends that lay at his feet. “I’d say our experiment was a success, Colonel” cockily states the Doctor. “Good. Bring him” responds the Colonel. “Very well” says Traxler as he directs his attention to the soldiers. “Begin the retrieval process” he barks out as the soldiers head towards Darwin, wrangling him towards the ship. Traxler looks down at the nearly unconscious Bangalore. Anita looks up, and through foggy eyes, she sees that smile before he heads back to the ship. All she can hear, aside from the ringing in her ears, the ship engines firing up and the slow thudding of her own heart beating as she finally slips into unconsciousness. 

[inspector2ndclass]

The Mechanisms as Random Birds I Found on the Internet

Did anyone want this? No. Do I know anything about birds? Also no. Anyways, here’s a shitpost I spent way too long on.

Jonny d’Ville: Northern Mockingbird

First and foremost, here’s Jonny! An asshole! A bastard! An all around terrible person! He shall be a northern mockingbird. This fucking bird has no redeemable qualities other than that it is pretty and a GREAT singer. This is a very aggressive bird. Very territorial. If it had opposable thumbs, it would probably shoot you in like the foot or something. I don’t think these birds are very smart. Just like a certain “captain” that we know. The state bird of Texas, among all places. Never trust a texas. In true Texas fashion, the 1927 legislation declaring the Northern Mockingbird the state’s official bird stated that the species is “a fighter for the protection of his home, falling, if need be, in its defence, like any true texan.” Now Jonny burned down a Texas - maybe not this Texas but whatever. I read somewhere that a mockingbird could peck someone’s dick off, and honestly? Valid.

Gunpowder Tim: Southern Cassowary

Okay, hear me out. This bird is a little bitch - or rather a b i g bitch. In a good way. Look at this fucking bird. It’s majestic. Doesn’t it look just SO trustworthy. What a trustworthy man. And very pretty. Pretty, pretty bird. Who could squash you like a fucking ant. This is one Violent bird. Tim is one Violent person. The cassowary makes a low roaring sound like a fucking dinosaur. I love dinosaurs. DID I MENTION IT LAYS GREEN EGGS. Now you might say, well Tim is a human and humans don’t lay green eggs. Fuck you. It’s never explicitly stated that our very own Gunpowder Tim doesn’t lay green eggs. Also comes with a built-in helmet. As everyone except Tim and the southern cassowary says, safety first! Strikes me as a very egotistical bird. If the cassowary weren’t a bird, I don’t think it would wear a seatbelt.

Ashes O’Reilly: California Condor

Okay, so. This is a cool fucking bird. Just look at it. M a j e s t i c. Do you know who else is really fucking cool? Ashes. They have so much power. Also condors are beautiful birds. Oh my god. California condors are very graceful fliers. For Ashes, I almost went with the brown falcon - one of “Nature’s arsonists”, but other than arson, it’s a rather boring bird. Just brown. And a falcon. BUT THE CALIFORNIA CONDOR. Now that’s a cool bird. The god of the sky. Actually, in the “research” for this post I found a blog post in 2011 from someone who has genuinely worshipped condors as gods since they were a teenager and honestly? Valid. (disclaimer; I am aware that many native cultures worship animals and nature, however I don’t feel qualified to talk about that. I don’t mean any harm by this post.)

DrumBot Brian: Shoebill Stork

Well. I did have a rather difficult time finding a bird that has a complex set of moral values. Who would’ve thought?? I did almost use a praying mantis, just for a little variety. I’ve never met someone who wouldn’t rip off the head of their lover. BUT ANYWAYS. Here we have Brian the Shoebill Stork. He looks so nice. But he will not hesitate to decapitate your baby crocodile. Also very patient!! Like a dinosaur! This bird has the most complex set of moral values of any bird I could find in about thirty seconds. If Brian didn’t decapitate so many young crocodiles there would be much too many! Too many crocodiles! The horror! I’ve also seen a gif of Boring Brian delicately picking up a duckling and placing it back down. Dunno what happened after, though. Don’t ask. Apparently the shoebill stork makes “machine-gun noises” which I think Jonny would enjoy fucking around with. A place that I forgot to write down reportedly called the bird “Abu-Markhub” meaning “father of the slipper” which,,,, yeah.

Raphaella la Cognizi: Kea

Also known as the “clown of the alps”, the Kea resides in the mountains, as the only alpine parrot. Pretty cool. I want to be a clown. But like, a cool clown - not one that hides in a sewer and eats children… Anyways, I’m getting off topic. The kea is the smartest bird I could find. Raphaella is the science officer of the Aurora so it seemed fitting. Look at this photo. That’s science at work! Kea can use basic tools! And reportedly have the intelligence of a four-year-old child! That’s pretty smart! Also it has wings! Raph has wings! Apparently kea enjoy attacking sheep, dogs, horses, etc. and just generally fuck around with people. Imagine what this bird could do with opposable thumbs…

Marius von Raum: Victoria Crowned Pigeon

My criteria for Bird Marius was essentially a stupid looking bird with a ridiculously long name. I was originally going to go with the King of Saxony Bird of Paradise solely for the name (just look at it! It’s so dumb! Who the fuck is the king of saxony!) however it bored me. So! Here we have Doctor Baron Marius von Raum as the Victoria Crowned Pigeon (also sometimes referred to as the Blue Crowned Pigeon). Genuinely, this was my favourite bird as a child. I fucking love this funky little bastard. Apparently, it’s the largest pigeon species in the world and can grow to be the size of a turkey. A turkey! What the fuck! This bird thinks it’s all that. (I mean, it’s not wrong). It was named after Queen Victoria but like,,,,, Fuck The Monarchy. Also eats a lot of figs. The bird - not the queen. Or maybe the queen I dunno. Marius seems like the kind of person who hates figs but eats them anyways so he doesn’t feel inferior to the Fig Lord. How the fuck is this bird not extinct yet.

Ivy Alexandria: Common Raven

Ivy Alexandria, the Common Raven. Ravens are extremely smart! Like seriously - near where I live, there’s an animal shelter with a raven and you can hold a conversation with it. It’s amazing! They also have great memories and hold grudges - so don’t mess with them. Oh! They can also use hand gestures, which for birds is insanely cool! They are the literal “birdbrain”. Sometimes they collect little trinkets, which I think is really sweet. Now, I don’t believe ravens can read but like,,,,, I dunno. I read an article recently about ravens doing “weird things with ants”. Apparently they like to play with them. Ravens have been known to sit in an anthill and let ants crawl all over their feathers for no apparent reason. Now, while nothing has been canonically stated involving Ivy and ants, you can’t prove Ivy doesn’t go sit and hang out with a bunch of ants.

Nastya Rasputina: Andean Potoo

The Andean Potoo is the most mysterious breed of the seven or so potoo species; almost nothing is known other than their vague appearance and their stomach contents (large insects like beetles and grasshoppers, if you were interested). While we do know quite a bit about Nastya, I thought this bird fit her pretty well. In answer to the question “Are potoos friendly?” a website said: “The short answer is ‘no’. The slightly longer answer is ‘it depends’.” This sounds like Nastya and her lesbian spaceship girlfriend. Potoos are VERY good at camouflage; like Nastya in Aurora’s veins?? I dunno, might be a bit of a stretch. They are shy, secretive birds. Sounds fun. Potoos are also VERY good at catching insects and shit. This point might not be relevant, but whatever. Andean potoos might mate for life; scientists don’t know. Let’s say that they do. If Nastya were this bird, she could be eaten by a weasel. Weasels said fuck Nastya rights. Fuck weasels.

The Toy Soldier: Atlantic Puffin

OH MY GOD. I love the Toy Soldier. The Atlantic Puffin. I don’t have many reasons for this one other that IT’S ADORABLE. This is my favourite bird. Just look at it!!! Hnnnnnnn. Baby puffins are called pufflingssssss. Oh my god. Also look up the bird call of the atlantic puffin; it is the best thing ever. Puffins are very sociable birds and live in like giant flocks or something. They’re very neat birds and also waterproof! Like wood! They shed the outer layer of their beaks once a year! Like wood! They live in burrows! Like wood! They can hold a fuck ton of fish in their beaks! Like wood! They have a really fucking wierd tongue! Like wood!

BONUS: Dr. Carmilla: Lammergier (Bearded Vulture)

Do I know anything about Dr. Carmilla? Nope! I think she’s a vampire but like???? Anyways, just look at this bird. It’s pretty self-explanatory. The Lammergeier is one Badass Bird. It is one of the largest old-world vultures. I don’t know what that means. It can grow up to four feet tall, though! And has a wingspan between seven and nine feet. That’s a big fucking bird! They have no natural predators, much like a certain immortal vampire (maybe???). It eats primarily bone and bone marrow and has a nasty habit of carrying off lambs, calves, and dead children. Remind you of the Good Doctor and her Band? Probably not. I bet Jonny has eaten at least one dead child, though. The lammergeier can also live up to the ripe old age of 45 (old in bird years?). Supposedly a lammergeier killed the greek playwright Aeschelus by mistaking his large bald head for a rock and dropping a turtle on it. Sounds very Carmilla. BUT WAIT I HAVEN’T GOTTEN TO THE BEST PART. This bird dies it’s fur the colour of blood to look more intimidating! Supposedly this is a mark of status, as well. That’s one badass bird!!!

WELL THAT WAS AN ADVENTURE. A useless adventure, sure. Fuck you. I had fun.

[elatedmarvel]

After All This Time, You and I (1/4)

Summary: Bucky has known you your entire life. Snapshots through the years.

Word Count:  1948

AN: Hello! Long time no see! This is for @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​‘s Follower Celebration! Congrats to you Star, you deserve every single one!! My prompt was Best Friend’s Sibling. This was originally going to be a long oneshot, but I felt like the flow was better to separate it into a two-shot. Title is from Mary’s Song by Taylor Swift for obvious reasons. Thank you for hosting this awesome writing challenge Star! I had so much fun writing this!

Warnings: tiny mention of violence, swear words

“The building burning up Buck! You gotta get out of here!” Steve shouts staring down his best friend from across the bridge.

“No! Not without you!” comes Bucky’s fierce reply. His eyes scan over the wreck, trying to find something to save Stevie. 

Steve takes a deep breath and prays that the crumbling bridge will hold a little longer, and he charges across the chasm. He almost makes it to the other side when his foot gets caught on a pillow. Tumbling over, he avoids landing on Bucky, but knocks over the unsuspecting person on his right. 

You land with a thud on your hands and knees, and quickly scramble to look at your right knee. There’s a moment of silence, and the boys hold their breath waiting for the inevitable wail. 

“I’m sorry!” Steve cries before wrapping his arms around you in a clumsy hug. He really didn’t see you playing next to him, it was an accident! Your bottom lip sticks out and your eyes become more and more glassy. 

“Please don’t cry” he begs, partly because it breaks his heart, and partially because he doesn't want get in trouble. He knew what kind of hellfire Sarah Rogers could rain down.   

“We’re sorry, what can we do to make it up to you?” Bucky asks, scooting himself to face your tear stained face. He felt bad for making Steve run across the bridge, he never meant to hurt you. 

“I-I need a groom for my wedding.” you state without hesitation, wiping at your eyes. “And I can’t marry Steve cause he’s my brother, duh.” Your wet eyes turn to look intently at Bucky. 

“You can’t get married, you’re 6.” Bucky tries to argue.

“So? You’re 8! That’s only 2 years older! ‘Sides, it’s not real anyway.” you fires back, your bottom lip juts out again, ready to cry if that’s what it takes.

He’s taken a back for a moment at your reply, and blue eyes meet Steve’s pleading ones. He’d do anything for you, and of course Steve was the cherry on top. 

“Ok. Fine.”

On a rainy day in April, Steve walks you down the aisle. 

Clad in his nicest, unstained, khaki pants, Bucky’s heart skips a beat when he sees you. You’re wearing your Cinderella costume from Halloween, and some stolen red lipstick from your mom, smiling like you got an extra juice pop. Somehow, he already knows your the prettiest girl in the world.  

In front of your moms, stuffed animals and barbies, Bucky promises to always make you laugh and smile, and to protect you. You promise to always share her toys and food with him, and to make him feel better when he’s sad.

The ceremony ends after Steve pronounces you both husband and wife, and while your moms cheer and tear up slightly, Bucky leans in and gives you a quick peck on the cheek. It won’t be so bad being married to her, he thinks.

~~~

School sucked for Bucky today. Steve got into a fight with Zemo, which lead to Bucky getting in a fight with Zemo. That punk couldn’t even breathe right, it frustrated Bucky to no end that he couldn’t stop being stupid. Turns out, being punched in face hurts more than it looks in the movies. And of course, his parents weren’t thrilled and took away his TV privileges for the week, which meant he couldn’t find out what happened on his favorite show the Howling Commandos. Last week was even a cliffhanger! Captain America and the Winter Soldier were stuck on a plane with bombs on them and fast approaching Manhattan! 

Wallowing, both Steve and him were relegated to “use their imaginations” and playing in the backyard. Bored out of their minds, they played hide and seek, a babies game really if you asked Bucky. But, Steve was nice enough to let Bucky hide first, and Bucky couldn’t say no to that bruised face.

So here he was, climbing the ladder to the old tree house, hoping Steve wouldn’t look here right away. Sniffles drew his attention you, crying softly in the corner with your knees to your chest. You were blasting music from your walkman, Endless Love from what Bucky could hear. It was really bad then. His chest hurt seeing your red rimmed eyes, and crawled next to you. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” he asked lowly, taking her headphones off of your head and pausing the song. You didn’t look him in the eye, but leaned into him more when he put his arm around you. 

“Stupid boys.” you sniffle. Wiping your face, you finally meet Bucky’s worried eyes. “Jake dumped me for Sierra, cause she always has chocolate snack packs in her lunch.”

“That weasel! Want me to rough him up a little?”

“Thanks, but I think you and Stevie are in enough trouble as it is.” you chuckle, placing your head on his shoulder. He gently rubs his hand up and down your arm, wishing he could take away your pain. 

“I could pretend to be your boyfriend, make him jealous your going out with a 6th grader.” he offers.

“You can’t be my boyfriend, you’re already my husband!” you joke. His eyes go wide, remembering your lovely wedding ceremony and the massive amounts of cake you both ate at the “reception”. 

“Hey! That’s right! Technically you were cheating on me with him! I want a divorce.” he jokes, bumping your shoulder with his. 

You giggle and place a hand on his, “Please forgive me! It’s been so hard being separated from you now that you’re in middle school! He didn’t mean anything! Promise!”

You both erupt laughing so hard that Bucky falls over and brings you with him, which makes you both laugh even harder. Managing to calm down, he places a kiss on your forehead and hugs you closer to him. His heart does a funny dance in his chest, but he ignores it. You’re so warm against him, and your shampoo smelled so good, he could lay here with you forever. 

“I guess I’ll forgive you this once, but don’t let it happen again.” he says solemnly. 

You nod, hair tickling his face, “It won’t, you’re the only one for me Bucky Barnes.” 

~~~

 The room’s getting dark, but he couldn’t be bothered to get up and turn on the light. Not when Lional Richie was pouring his heart out. He couldn’t go down to dinner, his whole family had heard her breaking up with him. Did Dot really have to come over and break things off in the driveway? It would kill him to see the pity in his mom’s eyes, and sit through the uncomfortable talk with his dad about his feelings. He knew they were worried about him, and wanted to help, but he couldn’t stomach facing them.

They hadn’t been going out for long, but being dumped for the first time, he didn’t know how to handle his heartache. Honestly, he didn’t know if he was even heartbroken, or just wallowing in self-pity of being blindsided by the breakup. 

A knock on the door brought him out of his misery. Must be his mom, bringing food up to him like the saint that she was. He stands up slowly, acutely aware of how his muscles ache from being curled in a ball for most of the day, and stretches as he makes his way to the door. 

Your bright eyes stare back at him when he opens the door, and in his shock, he takes in the box of pizza you holdand the enormous bag of junk food. 

“What’re you doing here?” voice cracking from underuse. 

“Steve told me what happened with Dot. I brought pizza and your favorite snacks and movies. I can drop them off and leave though if you would rather be alone?” your voice hopeful that he won’t turn you away. Like he could, he’s never turned you away before and he won’t start now. 

A small smile makes its way onto his face, and he opens the door wider so you can come into the bedroom. Your grin soothes the ache in his chest. You put the pizza down on his nightstand and cue up Star Wars. Getting cozy on his bed and patting the spot next to you, it seems like you fit right in. He didn’t need to be asked twice. 

By 4 AM, he’s forgotten all about what’s-her-name, and his earlier self-pity and heartbreak. Not when Star Wars was playing in the background and your blinking sleepily at the TV, head on his shoulder. 

~~~

“Bucky, we have a situation.” Steve announces, flopping onto Bucky’s bed. Bucky looks up from the laptop in his lap with a confused stare, waiting from Mr. Dramatic to explain. He didn’t have time for his antics, his last college final of the semester was due next week.

“Y/N’s prom date bailed on her, and it’s tomorrow.” was all Steve said, and looked at Bucky, waiting for what he knew would happen now.

“That dick.” Bucky replied, mentally searching for his tux. “If I leave now, I can make it with enough time to shower and get ready.” And he hops off the bed, grabbing his duffle bag, he stuffs whatever he may need for the impromptu trip home. Steve just stares at him with a smile on his face like the little shit he is. 

A 5 hour drive home, shower, frantic search for his tux, and a quick power nap later, he knocks on your door. He wishes he could photograph the look of surprise on your face, your jaw literally drops when he see him in his tux.

“Bucky?!” And he swears he forgot how beautiful you were. Literally glowing, and he doesn't think it’s from the makeup, he can’t help himself as he takes in your dress. You’ll be the most beautiful one there, no contest. “Hey doll.” he smirks at you, still amused by your shocked state. He can tell when your brain catches up when your eyes soften as you look up at him.

“What are you doing here?” you ask in a soft voice. 

“Taking you to prom, what else would I be doing?” and he can see you calculating in your head. 

“Bucky, you must have driven all night!” you exclaim. Bucky loves when your eyes grow wide, it’s so cute.

“It’s fine, who needs sleep?” he says as he steps inside, past your frozen, and shocked state. Steve must have told your parents he was coming, he can see your parents waiting with the camera in the living room. 

“You told me you were going to work on your final all weekend.” you fire back, closing the door. 

“This is more important to me.” and he can tell you don’t quite believe him. You have a scowl on your face that reminds him of when you would catch him stealing a piece of candy as kids. He’s pretty sure you think it’s intimidating, but he finds it adorable. 

“I promise that I worked on it already, and I’ll be ok.” and he presses a kiss to your forehead. “You look beautiful.” your glad your foundation hides the sudden flush of your face. 

“You’re not too shabby yourself.” you tease back. But really, seeing him like this does inexplicable things to your heart. He’s so handsome, and he had driven all night to take you to prom. You could just kiss him. 

Taking your hands in his, you look into his eyes. “Thank you.” you say earnestly. 

And Bucky knew in that moment, he would drive days to get to you if needed.

Part 2 

[frenchy-and-the-sea]

SC - Family Ties

Well that last upload was a huge bust so I APOLOGIZE but I’m putting it out again. This is in response to a prompt ask by the lovely @rufinagertrude SORRY FOR THE DOUBLE POST.

A mostly-direct sequel to this piece, 3078 words, set after that very uncomfortable conversation between Alex and her father.

-----

“I’m not drunk enough for this,” said Alex, for the third time in almost as many hours.

She and Tahir stood at the edge of a sagging little homestead just past the edge of Poole’s city limits, watching the door from the safety of its meandering fenceline. Alex had cut them a path from harborside at a pace just shy of jogging, and put the city’s crowded boulevards behind them in less than an hour. Now she stood motionless at the gate, frozen, her hands gripped around two of the pickets with enough force to turn her knuckles white.

“He might not be home,” Tahir said after a moment, nudging her gently with an elbow. “He’s got a business of some manner, doesn’t he? It might even keep him away sometimes.”

“As likely as I am to be named the next king of England,” Alex muttered, but something about the words loosened her grip on the fence posts. She took a deep breath, then squared her shoulders and prodded the gate beside them open with the toe of her boot.

“Stay behind me,” she warned Tahir as she slipped in ahead of him. “They’re like to frighten if you appear on their doorstep unannounced.”

Tahir snorted. “The captain flatters me with his kind regard of my appearance.”

“Oh, belay all of that.” The look she spared him over a shoulder was half apologetic, half wry. “You know I mean it as a slight against their delicate sensibilities more than any aspect of yours."

“So you do mean some slight against me, then?”

Alex rolled her eyes, but Tahir caught the edges of a smile on her lips as she turned away.

The lane leading up to the house with a trim little thing, overgrown near the edges like whoever tended it couldn’t be bothered to finish their job. The same was true of most of the lawn, in fact; Tahir could see the edges of flower beds and half-grown vegetable patches peeking out from between tufts of grass, of wildflowers, of weeds. It folded back into something near-groomed as they drew closer to the house, but Tahir thought that was more the work of the pair of goats lingering near the fenceline than anything their owners had managed. He opened his mouth to say so, but one look at Alex told him that if she had noticed it at all, she wasn’t ready to do much more than turn on her heel and sprint back into the city.

She stopped a few feet away from the door, her shoulders as stiff and rigid as stone.

“We’re not staying,” she said after a moment, turning over her shoulder to pin Tahir with a glare like she expected him to argue. “Politeness and the like can hang. If they offer coffee, or dinner, or anything else -”

“Then I shall remind you of some pressing horseshit that needs your tending,” Tahir finished with a roll of his eyes. “Take heart, Alex. There’s not a thing on God’s green Earth that I want less than to find out where you’ve gotten your sense of taste.”

Alex blinked, and Tahir watched as her face flashed with a brief panoramic of emotions; offense, relief, confusion, a bright, powerful something almost like pride that lingered for a split second too long to hide. Then she huffed, and combed them all back into a drab little smile.

"And here I didn’t imagine something as simple as taste could stop you from eating clear through anyone’s larder.”

Tahir grinned. “Hey, now! Am I supposed to just take that lying down? Keep teasing and I just may leave you to tend this on your own -”

“Tend what?”

They both wheeled as another voice drifted out of the shadow of the house beside them, soft and quiet as a breeze. The boy it belonged to stood knee deep in a thicket of weeds, watching them with a placid sort of interest, a freshly varnished wooden soldier clutched in one hand. He looked to be about six by Tahir’s estimation, a stocky thing with dark, thoughtful eyes that seemed like they had been shaped by God to be perfectly suited for peering up from beneath the too-large brim of the hat he wore. A very familiar look from beneath a very familiar hat, Tahir realized with a start. Suddenly it was everything he could do not to laugh.

“Denny," Alex said, her voice soft with a mix of relief and surprise. She spared Tahir a single glare over her shoulder to silence him, then cleared her throat and swept into a deep, exaggerated bow.

“Begging your pardon, Master Sheffield,” she said. "We didn’t mean to interrupt you, or the, ah, decorated gentleman in your company.” She gestured to the toy soldier with a little smile, and the boy’s face split into a grin. “I do believe that I have left something in your care, however accidentally. You haven’t seen anything unusual lying about, have you? Anything that perhaps didn’t belong to you?”

Denny’s wide grin grew even wider, and he clutched the edges of the hat down around his ears, giggling. “Nooo.”

“No?” Alex's frown was perfect theater. “Damnation. And I was so certain that I’d left it here. You’re sure you haven’t seen it, then? It’s about so wide -” She put her hands a few span apart, mere inches away from Denny’s face, to the exact width of the hat that he was currently hiding beneath. “- about so wide, you see, and made of a fine black felt, with a feather pinned on the crown. Nothing like that? You’re very sure?”

Denny shook his head again, his cheeks glowing painfully red with the force of his grinning. Tahir sympathized; he was just shy of biting at his cheek to keep from laughing.

“Well,” said Alex with a sigh. “Well, I suppose it can’t be helped, then. Come along, Tahir. We’ll take a look back through the Ranger and hope it reveals itself to us sooner or -”

“It’s here!” The boy, unable to keep his wits, finally broke into a fit of giggling, and let go of the hat’s brim so that it sprung back into place. “It’s here, see? I’ve got it!”

Alex turned slowly back to face him, her smile fighting between fond and wry.

“Well now,” she said. “So you have. May I?”

She held out a hand and suddenly, the theatrics vanished; captain Alex Sheffield had returned. Denny bowed his head slightly as he tugged the hat off and gingerly placed it into her waiting hand. Alex’s smile softened, all fondness now.

“There’s a lad,” she said, ruffling his hair with one hand as she pressed the hat back onto her head with the other. It seemed to Tahir to look not very much different on her than it had on Denny. “You know not to lie except for this sort of fun, don’t you?”

“Yes,” the boy said, suddenly as pious as a priest, folding both hands in front of him. Tahir coughed to hide his laugh. Alex snorted.

“A lucky thing that nothing depends on my believing you. Now, we’ve intruded long enough. You have my thanks, Denny, and you’ll pass them on to -”

“Are you really a captain?”

The question came without preamble, like he’d only just remembered to ask it, with a frown and a twist of the wooden soldier in his hands. Alex’s expression flickered.

“I am,” she said slowly. And then, with a thin smile, added, “You’ve seen my hat, haven’t you?”

"Well, I know," Denny huffed, exasperated as only a scorned six year old could be. “But father, he said you couldn’t be. He said, he said you couldn’t be, because a girl can’t be a captain!”

It felt all at once like the air had been siphoned away from the lawn around them. Tahir sucked a breath through his teeth and stole a glance sidelong; Alex was the disquieting sort of still, a predator in sight of prey.

A heartbeat passed. Two.

Then she sighed, with a resignation that made Tahir’s heart do something painful and wrenching deep in his chest.

“Well, now,” she said, forcing a smile that should have rightly cracked her face in two, “it is a mightily good thing that your father doesn’t know me well, isn’t it? I’m not a girl, Denny. Nor a woman, nor a man. Rather just myself, understand? And… and too fine at my trade to be kept from it, anyway.”

“Oh.” Denny’s brow furrowed, but Alex’s words seemed to align with whatever opinion he’d begun forming in his head because after a moment, he nodded. “Okay. I guess, well...I guess you can be a captain, then.”

Alex huffed a strangled little laugh. “Well, I should hope so, or you would set my mate here to the very difficult task of telling the crew that their pay is as imaginary as its tender. I don’t envy your position in that, Tahir.”

She turned a glance his way, and the look there begged - no, commanded him to play along. He managed a dutiful chuckle, conjured from memory and absolutely fuck all else.

“You’ve, ah, not gone see-through yet, I’m afraid."

“Not to you, anyway,” Alex muttered under her breath, then cleared her throat and swept back to where Denny’s wide, too-thoughtful eyes waited. “Now, lad, we really ought to be away. You've my thanks for keeping an eye on my hat. Next we’re in port, I’ll come and you can see -”

She paused, blinking like she hadn’t expected those particular words to leave her. Denny’s eyes immediately went as wide as tea saucers.

“Your ship?” he asked, his voice quivering with excitement. “I can see your ship? Please? Please?"

The look that Alex turned to Tahir this time was begging, and it pleased him very much to be able to shrug, and to bite down on a grin when she cursed him with her eyes.

Eventually, though, she ran out of ways to glare him into an early grave, and turned with a sigh to take an unsteady knee at Denny’s side. The boy straightened like a soldier suddenly called to attention.

“Perhaps," she said slowly, "if you speak to your father, he might be keen to teach you what little he knows of sailing. Perhaps, if you tell me what you’ve learned when next I’m here, there may be a place at the wheel for you. But only if you learn, hey? I've no patience nor room for untrained deckhands on my ship."

Denny was nodding before she finished, so furiously that it scattered the fair curls on his head into a proper mess. Alex’s smile came back like a crack forming in stone, fond even in piecemeal. She ruffled the boy's hair to further cement the damage he’d done to it, then heaved back onto her feet.

"Right," she said, straightening. “You’re to set yourself to learning; I’ll have the Ranger ready and waiting for you when next we make port. Reasonable accommodations on both sides. Do we have an accord, Master Sheffield?”

The boy swung himself into something that very nearly resembled a salute. “Yes!”

“Very good!" Alex's own salute was the more seamanly sort, accented with a jaunty tip of her hat and a slight bow. "Then we will be away this very minute, so that we may return all the faster. By your leave, sir."

"By your leave!" Denny cried, parroting the words - and when Tahir looked back, his much improved salute - with greater and greater enthusiasm as they started down the lane. "By your leave! By your leave!"

By the time they reached the gate, the boy had turned and was trundling off towards the back of the house, still excusing their exit to someone Tahir couldn't see. He chuckled quietly to himself.

"Stirring the tar in his blood already," he mused as Denny's shouts fell out of earshot. "Just what I'd expect from any brother of yours."

"Half brother," Alex muttered. Her mood, which had held for their short walk to the road, had gone immediately black again. “And that is being charitable. Hell and all, I don’t know why I told him I’d come back here…”

“He’s a child, Alex,” Tahir said, irritation twinging at the back of his neck. “And keen for your attention, besides. Surely you can spare him and all of us the act of pretending you’re not taken with him.”

“Act?” Alex looked up, genuine offense painted into the furrows of her brow. “What act? Of course I'm taken with the boy. I’ve only just met him properly, and I’d as soon see the world and every goodly treasure in it burned before disappointing him. But he’s my father’s son if he’s anything at all, Tahir. Knowing him means accounting for the opinion of good Mister Sheffield, and I would hang before -”

“Before you trouble yourself with it?” The little itch on Tahir’s neck swelled into a fire. “Well, isn’t that a sensible fucking thought. What a revenge you'll have! Allowing your father to keep his fool poor regard of you, while you give up the chance to know the only kin what has any regard for you at all -"

“And what else would you have me do?” Alex suddenly appeared in front of him, her voice one shade away from shouting. “Shall I defy him? Take visits with the boy at leisure, without his blessing? Give no heed to what happens after I’ve left? After everything that’s passed between us, do you truly imagine that my father would look fondly on the boy that takes a shine to me?"

Something in her cracked on the word; she stepped back as it left her, turning so the wide brim of her hat swept low across her face. Tahir suddenly felt his anger cool, then flee all the way down to his feet.

“You think your company will call your father’s wrath on him,” he said quietly. A soft snort came from beneath the edge of the hat.

“Wrath? No. No, my father would never raise a hand to a child. But Denny is the bright sort. Eager. Keen on approval. I was too, at his age.” Another sigh came from behind the hat’s brim, long and heavy. “It is a… profoundly unhappy thing, for a child like that to be ignored by someone he'd like to please. I wouldn’t see Denny come within a league of the path I walked, Tahir. Not for anything.”

She turned back after a moment - eyes dry, expression held carefully steady - but Tahir didn’t need a near-decade’s worth of experience with Alex Sheffield to see the effort it cost her. Shame began its warm ivy-creep up the back of his neck. Hadn't they fought this battle before? Hadn't she made it clear, as recently as last night, even stumbling drunk and grieving, that she wasn't running away again? Hadn’t he learned?

"Aw, hell,” he muttered, rolling back onto his heels with a sigh. Alex glanced up just in time to brace herself before he stepped forward and collared her into a fierce hug. He felt her shoulders stiffen against his arms, but she didn’t try to pull away until he did.

“I’m sorry,” he said when he had righted himself. “You’re right, of course. I haven’t got the slightest notion how to manage your father. I’ve been fortunate to have never enjoyed his company. I just… I know the look that boy was giving you. Been on the receiving end of it myself, for how sorely I haven’t deserved it.”

“Your sisters,” Alex said quietly.

“And Mihail. I’ve as good as lost any chance of knowing him. Of knowing any of them, understand? I wouldn’t have seen you lose that, not if you wanted it and not if I could help it. And Christ, Alex, you wanted it. When you said you might give it up just to avoid your father, well…”

“You should know better that I would irritate my father for the simple pleasure of it, were that all I had to consider,” Alex said, and the stinging note of affront in her voice made Tahir wince. Then she sighed, her shoulders sagging like a weight suddenly let go. “I can’t say I don’t agree, though. Not entirely. Perhaps my father is only half as vengeful as I imagine. Perhaps I take my leave for good, and leave Denny to be ignored by quite everyone around him. Perhaps nothing at all comes of my company, and I’m free to watch Ade fall over herself about the boy. It’s all as much as guessing.”

“Ah,” Tahir hummed, smothering a grin. Alex had begun invoking Adelina’s name; something in their conversation had started to soothe the rawest of her nerves. “A problem, I see. Worse, a problem best solved by turning it over and over until you put yourself into a fit! Lucky that I’ve been assured those are a specialty of yours.”

Alex’s mouth twitched towards a smile. “Tahir.”

“No, no! Don’t pay me any mind. I’ve said my piece. Now that you’ve heard it, I expect you’ll be wanting a room to fret in for the next several months while you figure it out - ow!” He flinched away as Alex shoved him hard in the ribs, laughing. “Hey now, no need for that. I’m simply paying you my every assurance that you’ll find some solution to this mess. I could imagine no one better suited.”

“And I can think of no advice less helpful than ‘you’ll figure something out.’”

“Oh no,” said Tahir with a grin. “No, I’m rather done with advice of any sort. You saw my last try at meddling, didn’t you? No, I think I’ll put my full confidence in the opinion that Denny has stumbled into the best possible hands.”

“I expect you’ll come to regret that,” Alex said with a roll of her eyes. “What if I do win him over? Or if he takes to sailing as I did? What makes you of the notion of the pair of us? Of ‘Captain Dennis Sheffield,’ eh?”

Tahir shrugged. “Suits very well, I think.”

Alex snorted, but even the brim of her hat couldn’t hide the little smile that stole its way onto her face as she turned and started back towards the city.

“Aye,” Tahir heard her say, very softly. “Suits very well, indeed.”

[summonmonster]

d&d with a twist

When I was eleven years old, two things set me apart from my peers. First, I was incredibly shy. Second, I did not have a computer. AND THE COMBINATION WAS DEADLY. Oh the long hours I spent dreaming about Minecraft, about Halo! The bright colors. The shitty graphics. The endless possibility.

It never occurred to me that I might ask my parents for a computer. Ridiculous. Instead, I designed my own elaborate pen & paper version of Minecraft, complete with matrixes and charts for mob drops and mining. But, that was a long time ago

I am strong believer that dungeon masters are designers. Even if you run with a published adventure, instead of rolling your own, the act of running that game makes you a designer, because, however detailed that adventure might be, however much information it tries to spoon-feed you, no adventure gives you all the information. You have to do some of that work on your own. You have to take the rules of this game, interpret them, and patch them together until they're fun. You didn't make the LEGO bricks, but you did put them together, without exact instructions, and that makes you a designer.

Now, I am an incredibly slow reader, but I have read quite a lot of fantasy. I know how fantasy stories work, and, when I run a game for my friends, I'm pretty comfortable just making it up, improvising (which is good!! because I can't remember the last time I ran a published adventure and read even half the text). As I became more comfortable designing monsters, and magic items, (even classes!) I started to toy with the idea of designing an entire game. Ohhhh it would be fun to do that. Maybe you've felt that way too! How might d&d work differently if you were the one designing it. Maybe you'd change the setting, or maybe you'd change the rules.

I have been designing my own version of fifth edition D&D for quite a bit of time now. Same fantasy, different game. You still play as heroes, but the game is about adventure, or intrigue (instead of just fighting monsters). Imagine this: instead of a Monster Manual full of monster stat blocks, I'd have a book of heroes and villains (that's not a bad name, actually, "Heroes & Villains"). And instead of including hit points, it would include secret weaknesses, or in the case of allies, useful boons!

The danger is still there, the monsters are still there, but rather than spending half a session fighting goblins, you might spend half a session weaving your way through orc infested mountains, quietly silencing any scouts or stray soldiers that find you. Remember The Hobbit? The dwarves never fight those three trolls. And the dragon?! He dies off screen. My version of fifth edition would play a little more like that. Focus more on narrative and less on the mechanics of melee combat.

But I struggled, for a long time. Like, if this game isn't about fighting monsters, then what is it about? I can't say narrative. That's too broad to be useful. Anything else is too restrictive. I thought about "taming nightmares," but like, what would that mean? (I DON'T KNOW :D)

I was working on that system today, the one I'm making, and I think I've made a breakthrough. I think I know the answer.

About a week ago, I was in the car with a friend, and (I won't say his name) he was talking about the Japanese court system. Very interesting. Very different from European courts, which makes a lot of sense, BUT, I started thinking. This would make for a cool game. Imagine an RPG where you play as a court lady, pulling strings, deciding who you can trust (and how much you trust them!) collaborating with thieves, poisoning the empress! Oh the possibilities!!!

I think these games fit together. My homemade version of d&d fits into the court very well. You're not heroes, but instead nobles at court, plotting and falling in love, working forbidden magics and sending letters or messengers across the country. Anyway. ANYWAY. Things are looking good.

[smol-and-grumpy]

With All My Heart - P.01

This is the epilogue to Dear Dean.

Grant that I shall never seek so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, or to be loved as to love, with all my heart.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x OFC (Jamie Blum)

Warnings: Flangst

WC: 2645

A/N: This is the first part to the epilogue. You might see some other parts because I can’t stop coming back to them whenever I’m inspired. As always, thank you @themoonandotherslikeit​ <3

May 2nd, 1946

Hi Sammy,

I’m writing to you on the first page of the new notebook Jamie gifted me. 

She’d caught me scribbling notes on papers around the house-- habit I picked up while I was a prisoner in camp, I guess. I just feel like it’s the only way I can tell what’s really going on in my head. I’ve seen things, Sammy, and I’ve done things I’m not entirely proud of.

I remember there was a day when I woke up and my boots were gone. Apparently, if you don’t tie it to yourself at night, you will wake up without them. I’ve learned it the hard way. I spent a couple of days walking bare feet in the freezing cold. I almost lost a fucking toe, can you imagine? I can be thankful that I was an officer and didn’t have to work outside. I walked upon a dying soldier one day, his boots were still intact. I took it from him, Sammy. Of course I waited until he was gone. I still feel bad about it to this day, but those boots were the only thing that kept me from losing my feet. I tied them tightly around me ever since. I know you wouldn’t be proud of what I’ve done, but I just had to survive. I promised Jamie to come back and that promise was literally the only thing that kept me alive. 

You remember the feeling of hunger we had while Dad was gone for a long period of time? Where we barely had enough to get by and we ate cereal with water because milk was just too expensive? Now, take that and make it 10x worse. The feeling of hunger in camp is always present. There was not a day, an hour, a minute where I wasn’t hungry. You adjust through time, but the road from being hungry to your stomach feeling numb, that’s the worst. 

I don’t even know why I’m writing about camp because it’s basically the only thing I don’t want to be reminded of. Back to the notes, shall we?

There were a couple of notes around the house, that always started with Hi Sammy, but I’ve never gotten around to write more. I just couldn’t, Sam. I didn’t know what to write to you, since I know that you won’t ever get to read them anyway.

On my Birthday, Jamie had the wrapped up notebook in her hand and told me that she wants me to write down my thoughts. It should be some kind of therapy, she said. I know she’s right, but I just couldn’t start to write anything in it until today. 

Hope’s sleeping on my arm, by the way, so I’m scribbling in here one armed, hope you can still read it. I know that you won’t, but let us just pretend that you will, alright? 

I’m sitting in our study, that used to be Jamie’s old room. There’s a window by the desk, and I can see our garden from here. Jamie’s tending to some crops, leaving me to take care of little Hope. I still don’t know if I’m doing a good job with her, but Hope doesn’t complain, so I’ll take that as I’m doing alright. She’s almost a year now. Her Birthday is a couple of days away, and we invited people to come over. Trenton’s Mom is coming, and some neighbors with their kids. Jamie didn’t want that, though. She said Hope’s too little to know it anyway, but Jameson insisted. Maybe he thought that he could score it with one of the single moms, I don’t really know. 

I live in her house now, and her brother Jameson (who’s apparently is a real charmer with the ladies) is living with us. He’s a war veteran, too. He had lost a leg, but he’s cheerful as fuck. I built him a new room downstairs next to the living room, at least now he doesn’t have to sleep on a couch. He helped me build it, too. The two of us were working well into the night every night for two weeks. I also took care of Hope during that time because Jamie attended nursing school in the evenings. During the day, I found work in a nearby Garage. The owner liked me enough to promote me, can you imagine? Me, looking over 20 people? Yeah, you’d have a field day making fun of me.

I went back to clear our old house, Sammy. I took your belongings with me. I hope it’s okay that I kept some things that were hard for me to part with. I gave some of it to Jess. I’ve contacted her after I settled with Jamie. I couldn’t do it before, there was just too much going on and my leg was still in a cast. I’m sorry. She’s doing good, Sammy. Did you know that she too was pregnant? I guess it happened on that last furlong back to the states, huh? I don’t know if she told you or if you held back this big news from me until you were ready to tell, and frankly now, it doesn’t really matter anymore. She had a little boy, he has the same eyes as you. There was no doubt that it’s yours, Sammy. Congratulations! 

I felt so proud, but also sad that you’ll never get to see him, never get to see him grow up, and he’ll never know how wonderful you are. His name is Samuel Jr. by the way, but if it’s true that the dead are watching over us, you might have heard it from Jess already. She told me she prays to you every night. We keep in touch and we had them both here for Christmas. We talked about you most of the night (apart from Jim and Jack, Jamie’s brothers who didn’t make it back home). It’s good, Sammy. Don’t worry about us. I’ll promise to look out for Jess and little Sam. You have my word. That’s the least I can do.

Jamie is pregnant at the moment. We’re expecting twins in about a month and a half. I should have known that there were chances that we will end up with twins since Jamie herself is a twin and her mother and grandmothers both were twins. I’m scared, to be perfectly honest with you, Sam. Imagine me with two tiny babies. Yeah, that’s a really good joke, isn’t it? Except it isn’t a joke.. Jamie is freaking out, since her mother died in childbirth, she’s afraid that she’ll end up the same and has written a will and what not. I don’t really know how I can help her get over the fear, since my head is not really the right place for fucking rainbows. It doesn’t mean I don’t try, though. We talk a lot when we get a quiet moment in bed. Her head on my chest, painting figure eights on my skin. It’s good if the subject of the discussion wasn’t so dark.

The girl is fucking huge, by the way. That’s the reason we cleared out Jamie’s parents old room and bought a new, really big bed. There was no way we could have fit in the old bed they had, with Hope occasionally coming in to snuggle with us during the night. Next step would be to clear out Jim’s room. But we’re in no rush. It seems like Jamie needs time, and who am I if I don’t allow her the time she needs to grieve Seeing that I’m still writing to you, I’m not exactly the poster child for it, right? 

Should have seen us when we went furniture shopping for a new bed, Sammy. Jamie waltzed through the store, and I carried Hope around. I think we were in there for hours, and Jamie still hadn’t found a mattress she liked. I let her, even if my arms were numb from carrying Hope, but she’s carrying two babies, so who was I to complain, right? The salesman though, he was so sick of us, I could tell. He pulled me aside, asking if I had no say in this. I couldn’t help but laugh. Of course I didn’t have to help Jamie put him into place. I just told him that maybe he should think about women as something else than a homemaker, then maybe we wouldn’t want another salesman about now. We found another sales clerk, the only woman working in there. Mom would have been so proud. It wasn’t an expensive bed, so the commission for selling ain’t that big, but we sure will have to go back there a couple more times and he can be sure that we won’t be asking for him. So, there’s that.

Actually, the salesman asked me if my wife could maybe make up her mind because he could have sold three beds (at least) during that time. I was a little taken aback when he said wife, not gonna lie. I asked Jamie to marry me, I really did. Jameson offered to babysit when there was a fair last autumn. I didn’t have a ring because I kinda spent all my money l on the new room for Jameson and nursing school for Jamie. Plus I gave Jess some, to help her get by with the little one. I gave her your ring which they handed me after they went through your belongings. I was surprised it was still intact. You shielded it pretty good from the blast, Sam. I gave it to her anyway, said that you wanted to propose and as a symbol, she could keep it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jess cry so hard. It’s good Sammy, I’m good with it. The ring was supposed to be hers. 

Anyway, I asked Jameson if it was okay for me to ask Jamie, because I was being polite and that’s what they do, right? Asking the dad’s? But since there’s only Jameson, I went along with it. Jameson just bent over laughing, asking me what took me so fucking long and honestly, I didn’t know. It was good as it was at first, but then I thought about Jamie writing to me once that Jim sent her the silk fabric of his reserve parachute so she could walk down the aisle in white silk. Yeah, I thought about that, and I knew that I had to because I wanted to see that, too. There’s no question that I love her though, so. 

We were at the fair, and I only had money for a toy ring. You know those from the gumball machines? It’s not romantic at all, I know, but I guess when you’ve been through war together, you can look past that. I got on one knee and she almost said yes. She was beginning to show already, and she said that even if she wanted to marry me, there’s no way the fabric Jim sent was enough to wrap around her so we kinda haven’t set the date yet, but it’ll be after the twins will be born. It kinda gave Jamie some hope and will to get through childbirth, I guess. I bought her gum later too, so there’s that. 

Cas stayed in Germany, but not for long if you were wondering. He went back into combat and was leading a battalion in Japan. I wrote to him regularly, because if someone deserves to come back it’s Cas. I was rooting for him. He came back, which I still don’t know how he pulled it off because I heard that 8 out of 10 people weren’t gonna return.

Remember Harvelle? He went back to France and married Lisa. He told me to come visit, but you know me, flying is not really my favorite. I guess I just need time, maybe someday we will. I know Jamie wants to. She wants to visit Jim and Jack, and I really wanna visit you, Sam. I really do. I hope one day I will be able to.

The war is now over, Sammy. Had been for about 6 months. We won, even if we’ve lost so much along the way.

How naïve were we to think that we’d get out of there alive? Remember, they prepared us pretty well, didn’t they? We thought it would be a piece of cake. Go in there, kill some Krauts, come out unscattered, and go home with a fat paycheck for the ‘service’. The moment I saw people being shot at when we got off the landing craft, I knew that this is no fucking piece of cake, and they’d been lying to us all along. But what could I do? You just have to keep on going, keep on fighting for a chance to somehow get back home. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t really fair to lie to us about how big it really was. It wasn’t really fair to let us think that we’d get to go home as soon as we did our deeds. It also wasn’t really fair to think that the war would be over by Chrsitmas and not handing out clothes to shield us from the cold. Nothing was fair, was it?

Well, some of us did get back, but we’ve all lost something in the war. Some a limb or two, some their hearts, and some did lose parts of themselves. We’re not the same person we went in as. We came out broken and bend. We can’t even get it fixed because nothing could fix what we’ve lost. 

There’s really nothing I could do other than carry on. I carry on for the ones who aren’t as lucky as me. The ones who won’t get to marry their loved ones, the ones who won’t get to see their children grow up, the ones who had their lives cut short, the ones who got their young adult lives stolen from them, most of all, Sammy, I carry on for you. I’m doing all the things you will never get to do, only because I know that you will come back and haunt me, maybe smack me over the head for being a jerk, if I don’t do it. I’ll do you proud, I promise. It’s the only thing I can do and think about. You were always the voice of reason, weren’t you? Even now if I have to think hard about doing something, there’s a voice in me asking “What would Sammy do? What would Sammy think? What would Sammy want me to do?” 

I miss you so much, Sam, you have no idea. If it wasn’t for Jamie, I don’t know if I’d be here. It’s her voice that guides me out of the dark whenever I wake up and think I’m still in Normandy. It’s her embrace that pulls me out of the water around me that threatens to drown me, whenever I have weird thoughts. It’s her, who carries me up to the bed whenever I look too far into a bottle because I can’t shut off the noises of shells exploding around me. I don’t think I even deserve her, but she’s an anchor to me and Jameson. I’m only a little sad that you guys never got a chance to meet, Sammy. If you did, I’d probably be too jealous of the bond you would have. No offense, but I’m greedy, and I want her to myself. I’m just being honest.

Hope’s awake, as you can see from the saliva smeared on the ink. I need to go get something into her belly.

I can’t believe how much I drifted off when all I wanted to say is Happy Birthday, little brother! I love you.

Dean

@dean-winchesters-bacon​ @beautifulbowleggedangel​ @flamencodiva​ @weepingwillowphoenix​ @adoptdontshoppets​ @fangirl-and-medstudent-help​ @liwopanyaasss​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​

[zsweber-studios]

Ranking all of the Marianas Trench Songs, Part 2: Ever After

Well, this took long enough! Sorry for the long wait for part 2 of this series, but things...well, things have been pretty hectic around here, as of late. However, I’m still up to review some more of the Marianas Trench songs, and today we’re going down their third album, Ever After--or as I like to think of it as, the Cloqwork album.

Literally only RWBY fans will get that reference, and maybe two people will appreciate it. Anyways, let’s listen and rank the songs of Ever After

1. Ever After: Once more, we have the opening song of an album opening with the beautiful vocal harmonization of Marianas Trench alone, offering a pleasant and ethereal feel to the song. The lyrics are sweet and tender, full of longing and yet regret at the same time, making clear the theme of the overall album. At the second verse, the song takes on a much more powerful tone, amping up the general feel of desire and longing to be with someone the world says you don’t belong with. There are less nods to the songs in this volume as there were in Masterpiece Theatre, but it’s still good. The one negative point I have for this song is the little bridge part that makes a nod to Toy Soldiers...it just doesn’t sit well with me the same way the jazzy style thrown into the Masterpiece Theatres fit. All in all, a very good song, strong start to the album. 9/10

2. Haven’t Had Enough: As with the previous album, immediately after the opener is a hot early 00′s style song that feeds right into the theme of two people who don’t fit right together, but still are drawn to each other. The style of this punk pop song is amazing, and the music and vocals are amazing. I didn’t even know this was a Marianas Trench song the first time I listened to this--I found this song years after I was first introduced to MT, but before I realized how ungodly amazing they are. Anyways, definitely an amazing song, easily on level with Cross My Heart. 9/10

3. By Now: There must be some rule with Marianas Trench that as soon as they finish an awesome amp-up song, they have to hit you in the feels. By Now is a song about leaving someone you love because of the pain they cause you, despite how much you want to be with them. The way Josh Ramsey’s vocals carry over in this song is beautiful, and the intense music carries this somber message in such a way that is both so saddening, yet also with a style that somehow keeps you up and filled with energy. 9/10

4. Truth or Dare: Aaannnddd we’re back to punk. Now, I’ll be honest--not my favorite song on this list. It’s a great song to listen to, but it’s not one I’ll come back to on my own over and over again. The style is awesome, especially the chorus, and it very clearly fits the style and theme that is covering this entire album--that of loves that feel so right, but tend to have baggage you weren’t expecting. But still, not my favorite on this album. 7.5/10

5. Desperate Measures: This here--this is the song that opened my eyes to the fact that this is the Cloqwork album, though the overall theme of the album fits it too. This song is so amazing--it’s a punk pop song that keeps you pumped up, with lyrics that hit hard with the bass. The beat hits hard, but the lyrics are amazing. I will admit, the bridge between the verses and the chorus is a little annoying, but the verses and the chorus more than make up for that, and the bridge between the chorus and the final chorus is so amazing to listen to. Again, this a song that pumps up, has an awesome theme, and hearkens back to an awesome pairing from one of my favorite fandoms. 8/10

6. Porcelain: Porcelain is another of those slower, ballad-style songs thrown on into the album, and I’ll be honest...it’s not one of my favorites. The lyrics are good, but there’s something about this particular song that’s never really grabbed me as much as other songs on this album have. That said, the song is just as good as the other songs by Marianas Trench--the emotional style of this song hits wonderfully, and it hearkens back to the musical theme at the start of this album, which you know I love with MT. 8/10

7. Fallout: Okay, this is another song that didn’t stick with me as well as the others. It sounds great, but Fallout has a style that puts me off a bit. Also, while the rest of the songs on this album have been about being with someone and leaving because you don’t fit as well as you’d wish, this song is about longing to be with someone who has either moved on, or isn’t interested, and it feels out of place in comparison. The chorus doesn’t have as much of the lyrical genius that the rest of the songs on this album do, either. 7/10

8. Stutter: And now we’re right back with that amazing style and theme that I loved before--and even better, it’s in a fun, boppy style that I literally canNOT listen to without getting up and jiving to. This song is just feel good through and through. I know I mentioned that the chorus for the previous song wasn’t so strong...and this one isn’t that much better, but with this style of song? It just works so much better. I’d say this song is on level with Sing Sing and Celebrity Status for how much I love dancing along whenever it comes on. 8.5/10

9. Toy Soldiers: Okay, if I’m going to talk about this song, I have to talk about it with two thoughts in mind--the lyrics, and the music. The lyrics are very interesting, drawing allusions to famous romantic pairings, yet speaking with a fanatical, almost obsessive manner, and then using the allusion of toy soldiers, as if you’re just going through the motions in devotion. Its message seems to be that some loves are not true, and they are built on something that doesn’t last. The music has an interesting punk-techno feel, which is nice to listen to, but leaves a bit of dissonance with the actual song. And the chorus is weak, but unlike Stutter, it doesn’t catch me as nicely. 7/10

10. B Team: I don’t know why this song is so good. It doesn’t fit the style as much as the others on this album, and yet the lyrics of someone longing to be with someone and yet always falling too short, or not being exactly what they want yet that person stringing them along...something about it just fits so nice. And then there’s the music, that pump-up, feel good style that bulldozes through tough messages with bright and cheerful tones and that amazing MT harmonization. I don’t know what it is about this song, but I love it. 9/10

11. So Soon: Joshua Ramsey’s sad and somber ballads are too beautiful to be allowed, and this one is no different. It may not have the strong pump-up pop of the other songs on this album, but the somber crooning, the desire and sadness in his tone, it feels so beautiful. There’s an air of depression to his words, a bit of regret and hope for a brighter future that will never come. The fact that the only music in this song is the piano and his voice offers this message of loneliness he sends in the song so perfectly, and really shows the height of the musical genius of this group. 10/10

12. No Place Like Home: As with Masterpiece Theatre, this album ends with another bookend slam dunk--but rather than bookending by using all of the songs lyrics to make a new song, No Place Like Home takes the themes from the other songs and flips them. Ever After--a love that is so beautiful, but can never be. No Place Like Home--there is no way back home, and yet it is the only place you want to return to. Once again, we are opened by the beautiful vocal harmonization of Marianas Trench, but the style takes on a country-punk style that feels so unique and amazing, and totally fits the allusion and the message. It stands so amazingly on its own, but as a finale? It weaves the story of someone coming to grips with this love that will never truly be, and managing to move on down the road. It’s not the best, though--there is a bridge section in the middle I don’t gel with as much, but the rest? Fantastic. 9/10

[erdariel]

Okay feel free to ignore me. But I'm mad. Because I went to look at the toy company Schleich's website. And apparently they no longer do the AMAZING fairy and knight figures they used to (or at least their Finnish website doesn't seem to sell those). Sure, there's some fairies, but they're all... ya know, soft and pastel colored and riding unicorns and don't look like you could use them for action. I mean, okay, fair, some of mine are pastel-colored too but least they're riding actual horses instead of pink unicorns and look such that I never had any trouble imagining epic (and bloody, because little girls don't always play as cute as media would have you think, but the exact stories I played here are for another time) adventures and grand fantasy fights against my brother's Schleich knight figures for them. Also, can I yell about how amazing those figures are, how high-quality?

These are my mounted fairies (I also had two on foot, one a young woman, another an old and wise-looking one who's intended gender I never figured out so they changed between a man or a woman or undefined about every time I played). Excuse the fact that the mother is riding on Momo the mouse in that one picture, but I wanted to show them unmounted and she's formed in such a way that she doesn't stay properly balanced without the horse. I'd like to show you how amazingly detailed they are but this is gonna be long anyway so I just hoped you can see a bit from these.

But what's even more amazing is that you can switch their horses (or even put them on the unicorn or pegasus which weren't intended to be ridden) and sure, they don't fit quite as perfectly and firmly, and fall of easier, but they can still ride those! And two of them can even stay on the pegasus when you put it on it lashing out, balanced on its hind legs, without falling off!

Like, seriously, do you know how amazing that was for playing, that if the story demanded, you didn't have to pretend one was riding another's horse, you could actually have them ride another's horse? Also I loved that you could balance the pegasus either on four legs or on just two (and the tail) depending on what you wanted/needed.

Also, extra fun fact: my brother's two mounted knights can apparently also switch horses. And those two pikemen? There's extra pieces to their pikes, so that you can have them use pikes twice as long or the lenght you see here, depending on what you want.

Honestly, I'm just so sad these knight/soldier figures and that sort of fairy figures apparently aren't made anymore, because they are so much fun and I loved playing with these. Of course Schleigh still probably makes really amazing and high quality other animals and stuff, but these medieval knights (which are technically my brother's, but I played with them as well) and mythical animals (there's a dragon and phoenix that are my brother's, and a pegasus and a unicorn that are mine), and the fairies just were so great and much more fun for a little!me, as I always have been a history/fantasy nerd

[bie-lovers]

Fic Recs

I’m participating in the Phanfic Finder Fest and I’ve stumbled upon some absolutely awesome fics that deserve so much love! Go read and I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

(i’m putting this under a read more because this post got long)

FT. DAN’S FAMILY

home is where the wifi connects automatically - by @oqua12 (ao3) (tumblr) G, 8k

Summary: The wifi at Dan's parents' house is utter crap, which is definitely why he's always so miserable when he visits his family for Christmas. Because of the wifi. (Or at least, that's what he chooses to tell himself.)

My thoughts:

oof. i don’t even know where to begin.... there’s so much to unpack with this fic. on the surface there’s dan missing phil at christmas, and then there’s difficult family relationships and how people can hurt each other without actually realising nor meaning to and there’s love and thoughts of a better future and goddamn, this fic is beautiful. 

HISTORICAL AU

Renegade - by @awesomesockes (tumblr) M (beware of mcd - it’s not mentioned in the masterpost), 20+k

Summary: It’s World War 2. Phil, a young German soldier, is stationed in Denmark. There he meets Dan - a rebellious Danish school boy who is intent on making his job hell. But before long, they realise they have more in common than they’d have thought. How do you hide a friendship when you come from two different sides of a war? 

My thoughts:

HOLY SHIT. i read this months ago but it still makes me tear up when i think about it - and yes, i still think about it. because this fic is everything. it’s so heartbreakingly beautiful, full of longing and love and loss and the consequences of war... just... yeah, it’s a beautiful experience to read this fic. 

FIC BETWEEN 1-5K

Marigold and Rosemary - by @esnesnonibila (ao3) G, 3.6k

Summary:  Phil’s a strange child. His first word is ‘why’. He doesn’t speak much and cries a lot and never smiles. His parents take him to doctor after doctor who say that, despite that he’s intelligent for his age, there’s nothing wrong with him. Nigel gives his son fat plastic toy soldiers to wave about in his chubby hands and put into his mouth. Instead, Phil makes a stage out of a baby blanket and has two of the little men carefully hop around it; lines up the rest in rows as an audience and then knocks them over when he’s finished, his face crumpling.

My thoughts: 

this fic... this. fic. y’all. I lovelovelove it and it’ll forever sit within my heart with such a bittersweet feeling. There’s so much to talk about with this fic; from parenthood and how difficult that can be, to childhood and growing up different from everyone else, to love and friendship and the beauty of it all. The writing is phenomenal - every word fitting together like puzzle pieces in this intricate and wonderful little universe.

TV SHOW PLOT AU

Stirring In Love - by @andthenshesaid-write (ao3) (tumblr) T, 72k

Summary: When Phil applied to be a contestant on the Great British Bake Off he didn't even expect to make the long-list, let alone make it into the actual tent. But make it he does and there he meets Dan, a baker unlike Phil in every possible way. After a rocky start, Phil realises that maybe he can learn some things from Dan after all, and the biggest things have nothing to do with baking.

My thoughts:

i still find myself thinking about this long after having finished it. the writing is captivating and beautiful and it’s such a fun and sweet slow burn fic about baking, rivalry, cakes (so many good cakes!!), and falling in love. yeah, i’m not doing this justice, but trust me when i say that this is a brilliant, brilliant fic and you should definitely read this!! it’s a classic.

WET DREAM

make me dream of you - by @capriciouscrab  (ao3)  E, 1.5k

Summary: He nudges at Phil's mind, creating the link that allows them to share thoughts and feelings with each other. Dan senses him opening up and gasps, the feeling just as erotic as when he slides himself inside Phil's willing body. They drift together now in this shared dream, breathless with excitement. 

My thoughts:

this fic is built on such a unique concept and i love it so much, i could read thousands of more words in this universe!! it’s hot and sexy and warm and so full of love. it may be a bit of an unconventional take on a wet dream but as soon as i read this fic i knew i had to rec it! so well written and so good. 

MARIO KART

Waiting Room - by meandmybrokenfeels (ao3) G (beware of descriptions of injuries and such), 1k

Summary: Prompt: a toddler broke your nose and I may or may not have snapped my thumb during a very intense game of Mario Kart and now we’re both sitting next to each other in the hospital waiting room

My thoughts:

this is an older fic but it’s such a fun and easy read. their banter is so very them and i how they’re both immediately connecting and teasing and it’s just... a little delightful gem of a fic.

SIXTY-NINE

in and out - by @iihappydaysii (ao3) E, 1k

Summary: Sex. It's one of the three things in life that make Dan happy.

My thoughts:

ashley is hella great and y’all probably know that but the way he managed to make sex like this so sweet and tender and loving is just amazing. this fic is about so much more than the hot sex and the characterization is just... spot on. it’s such a warm and hopeful and happy fic.

FT. MARTYN AND CORNELIA

go follow your gem - by @phanetixs (ao3) (tumblr) T, 4.8k

Summary: “B-but,” Kathryn spluttered. “You don’t? That’s not, that’s not...but you’re a woman.”The boys winced and Martyn looked close to an argument, hilariously enough, and all Cornelia felt was sadness that her gender was reduced to this, to a single-minded archaic Purpose.

Or, Cornelia decides not to have children.

My thoughts:

this fic handles such a delicate topic so wonderfully and carefully and i’m in love with the writing, it’s absolutely gorgeous. oh, and this quote is amazing:

“I’m proud of you,” she told him.

“What for?” Dan replied, turning his face towards her, smushing his cheek into the back of the sofa. He looked so young like this, and it’s altogether too easy to forget how much he’s been through, how much he’s had to fight.

“For being you. I think a lot of the time that’s the hardest to achieve.”

HOOK UP APP

best kept secret - by @alittledizzy  (ao3) (tumblr) M, 8k

Summary: Bryony wants to introduce Dan to her friend Phil... the same guy Dan may already be dating. 

My thoughts:

i love the focus on dan and bryony’s friendship and how the story flows with them. mandy’s a master and her way of writing feels so easy but important anyway and yeah... this fic is amazing!

FT. FANTASTIC FOURSOME

A Whisper of the Heart - by @pseudophan (ao3) (tumblr) T, 4k

Summary: Dan spends a little too much time in the school library, and one day he notices that all his books have previously been taken out by the same boy. 

My thoughts:

such a fun read - a high school au with on-point banter and all the good things! I’ve read it multiple times and it’s still just as good and fun as the first time. (also, @ nora where’s the follow-up fic i need to know Miss Oliver’s reaction)

[amethyst-drakon2]

Feminazi

written by Matías Sacristán

translation by Chiara Mutti

Things aren’t as they were anymore, my friend isn’t who he used to be. Since he is dating that girl he got brainwashed. Now he’s following that shitty trend, “feminism”. Why did he have to fall for an angry feminazi who hates men?

As if it were not enough, he seems convinced of what he says, as if all those stupid-ass things were actually real. That girls don´t have the same rights as men, that compliments are –can you believe?– harassment! And that prostitution is exploitation. The same speech as always, the same I will never hear.

You try to compliment a girl and instead of thanking you, leftists and faggots dare to call you a harasser! I don’t have anything against gays, as long as they do not touch or stare at me, those deviant animals.

They complain about so-called men privilege and famous oppressive patriarchy, but then keep silent about free entrance to the nightclub. I pay the drinks for them and they still have the face of rejecting me!

They call us “privileged”, but they’re the ones who are not forced to do the military. They got something different, being a soldiers’ sex toy is much easier and fun. I hope to be a girl’s sex slave someday!

They even have their own day! We gift them cookware and other women things, and they still grumble about it! I heard men’s day was a few weeks ago, and no one considered it was important enough to even just congrat me. Maybe it’s because we don’t need any more appreciation than we already have…

Lately I’ve seen many girls go to Planned Parenthood clinics to get an abortion, why don’t you better close your legs? Take care, and if you let your vagina decide, now at least take some responsibility. Guys, don’t you feel uncomfortable when using condoms? I never use them, they are all too small for this real man cock. If the little bitch gets too insistent on the matter, I just wear a condom at the beginning and then just take it off.

They demand the legalization of abortion and ask for us to stop preying on them. Breast cancer produces real victims and I cannot see any of them working on that, at least from my bedroom window.

Don’t get me started about pronouns. If you have a dick, you’re a boy; if you have a vagina, you’re a girl; if you’ve got both, you’re an abomination so don’t bother looking for pronouns to fit you. They is plural, and my freedom of speech lets me call you as I fucking want, you moron.

Why do they think they have a say about sports? It’s a men thing! All they’ve mastered in is complaining, and if you’re a lucky man, cooking. So, I must explain them how they should strive and that there are issues way more worth fighting for; for example, protesting against vaccines.

Those annoying dykes take my streets naked and then demand we respect them. I still love watching at them like that when I jerk off. Yesterday, I met two naughty girls kissing under a street light and asked them politely whether I could join them, and they called the police! And then the violent one it’s me, right.

They whin so much about beauty canons that they’ve agreed on not fulfilling any. Anyway, I absolutely envy my friend. He pretends to be a libtard and fucks this Greek goddess.

As if it weren’t too much already, they do not wax their armpits off. What’s next? They don’t even have basic hygiene! They say they’re so proud of being women but end up looking like men.

So-called Me Too movement and wanting us not to murder them, but no one of them says that 90% of deaths are men. Neither do we reckon that we men kill each other mindlessly, while women are murdered mostly by men with whom they are close. Pay it no mind, that’s all bullshit. As fake as rape accusations.

They say they live in fear, apparently we are all potential rapists. Yes, it’s true that there are a few men who rape, but the majority of us would never abuse a beauty like my friend’s babygirl. Just in case, I always tell my sister to be careful about her dates, because the only thing guys want nowadays is to fuck.

They call me a misogynist, despite I support them when they want to have a work output by prostituting. I don’t understand what they’re so angry about, STDs and unwanted pregnancies are hazards of any occupation.

While I judge you by the way you dress or the number of people you’ve slept with, I got my friend in a woman-surrounded pedestal.

Now they want to impose their gender ideology: if I identify with a dinosaur, they have to respect and validate me. It’s not a made up term to discredit what I don’t want to grasp and promote hatred, of course, but the only sex education book children need is the Bible, then there’s the internet and porn. I learned that way and ended up like this. Amen.

We, men, who complain so much about women shouting and making noise: maybe if we started to listen to them, someday they’ll need to shout no more.