#and a little bitter/jealous that you can't live a real life

[zenala-art]

I think a lot about how Hunter had their chance of living stripped away from them To me, they grieve this a lot.

I know it's not canon but I like headcanoning that Hunter passed through Gourmand's colony in the way to Pebbles/Moon - and they really wanted to be able to live with them, the others from their kind... but that was never a real option, not even after finishing their duty

[scaraisferal]

”am i annoying or are you just distant?“

warnings: delusion, nsfw topics, friend-full y/n to friend-less y/n, possessiveness, stalker scara, yandere scara, somewhat modern au, NOT proofread

notes: more so head cannons than an actual fic don't ask for the word count cause I don't know either

scaramouche had never been a jealous person. if he wanted something, he’d just take it with no hesitation.

but he had a peculiar case. something—someone didn’t want him. they didn’t take any bribe, money or gifts, no punishment nor threat seriously. they’d just laugh in his face and wave him off. no one waves him off, let alone laughs in his face, at him.

but to say that the situation wasn’t enthralling was a lie. scaramouche liked the chase, the game between cat and mouse to get your attention and make you his. it’s not like he can’t live without you but everything else in his life is worthless compared to you. everything that he used to enjoy, like tormenting others, gaming in his own villa, or manipulating others to do his bidding wasn’t… entertaining anymore.

he felt empty, lost and pitiful if he didn’t use up his very important time following and stalking you, trying to make you lay your precious and glamorous eyes on his pathetic ones.

and when you finally do— oh my god. his heart flutters and he feels himself get excited. he freezes wherever he is, whether he’s in public or just roaming around a shared space you two have. his eyes practically latch themselves onto you, your figure, your features, your whatever.

you have the scaramouche following you around like a possessive little thing now! he'll tell you he's a good guy for protecting you from all those worms chasing you around, all the unwanted pests, as he calls them, already tied and being corrected by his mother's previous military friends. she saved their live so they owe her a lot and she's been acting like a pretty bad mom :( if she wants to make things up with her only son, she'll let it slide!

all your previous friends don't want to hang out anymore! such a shame, is it not? but it's okay, don't cry—scaramouche'll be there for you, he'll teach them a lesson for making you cry.

the more time he spends with you the more hostile he is. he doesn't like it when your eyes aren't on him, his perfect figure, his handsome face, him. can't you see all the time and effort he's been putting into his looks for you? you like blonde guys? his hair's bleached the next day. you like softer guys? he lets his guard down around you, letting you do whatever to him but all that sweetness turns bitter real quick when you pay attention to anyone else.

he might ignore you, ghost you for a couple of days before clinging back to your side, obviously blaming his disappearance on you. "if you didn't act like a fool, maybe i'd see you worth my time", "my fault? please, you were basically begging me to go", "i should be good enough for you. aren't i?"

it wasn't his fault! you obviously hated him now! he'll just go die in a ditch he supposes. if you want to make it up to him, you'll have to prove it to him.

[bipstargirl]

helloo, can you do one where Amber is like a really toxic girlfriend "oh if you like _ so much then go be w her" that kind of shit and then reader snaps at amber and leaves

Thank you so much for requesting, sweetheart! I hope you enjoy it, even though it's a little different from the original order ^^

❝ Young and Beautiful ❞

feel free to request any headcanon here 🠒 headcanons list

Your relationship with Amber was perfect, beautiful, and youthful. So perfect that it seemed destined for eternity, something like "Dear Lord, when I get to Heaven, please let me bring my woman." Love flowed as smoothly as a calm river when it came to the two of you, but of course, it is more dangerous to swim in a river than in the sea. You can't predict when a current will suddenly drag you into the depths; there's no way to foresee it. Just like you couldn't predict that your relationship with Amber would become what it is, that over time, cracks would appear and the promises made would be slowly corroded by bitter reality. Your relationship was far from perfect, very far.

"Why do you always have to spend time with your friends? I'm the only person who matters!"

"You can't just talk to other people without betraying me? Do you only think of yourself?"

"If you truly loved me, you would spend all your time with me, not with your nonsense"

She was possessive and jealous. It was incredible how someone so beautiful and charming like her could be so cruel, after all, "the more beautiful something is, the greater the chances of danger."

She would get angry and accuse you of betraying her if you talked to someone else;

She would often interrogate you about where you were and who you were with;

And if you didn't give her the answers she wanted, she would get furious and start an argument.

"If you're not going to tell me everything, then we don't have a real relationship!"

"I'm so insecure because you don't give me reasons to trust you."

"You always disappoint me. I can never trust your words."

"You don't have a life beyond me. I don't understand why you need other people."

Exhausting. It was exhausting to constantly walk on eggshells around her, simply avoiding poking the bear and respecting the tide so as not to be dragged deeper, deeper where the golden light of the sun can no longer reach. But of course, everyone who is drowning tries to fight their way back to the surface. It's basic instinct, even knowing that it's too deep, they still try to survive and resist exhaustion. You did the same, even knowing that you couldn't save something in ruins, you still tried. You loved her and believed you could make the mistake work.

"I just want to protect you. I don't understand why you resent that."

"I miss the person you were when we met. Now you've changed so much."

"You don't understand me. No one else will understand you like I do."

Although she loved you, or that was the lie she told a million times, being treated as inferior by someone who should love you as the moon loves the sun was draining. Having your interests and hobbies constantly criticized was tiring. She would beg you to stop your activities and spend all your time, free or not, with her, as if she didn't want you to live a life beyond the relationship, and that was suffocating.

Why do you always have to spend time with your friends? It seems like you prioritize them over me Amber, it's important for me to have a social life and maintain contact with my friends. It doesn't mean I don't care about your feelings But I should be your priority. I need you to be there for me all the time. It's like you don't care about my feelings I do care about your feelings, but I also need some personal space and time for myself. It's not healthy to be so dependent on each other Personal space? Time for yourself? It seems like you're trying to distance yourself from me. Are you hiding something? No, I'm not hiding anything. It's important for individuals in a relationship to have their own lives and interests outside of it. It doesn't mean I love you any less I don't believe you. You're always hiding things from me. I can't trust you anymore Amber, trust is a two-way street. If you constantly doubt and accuse me without reason, it creates a toxic environment. We need to work together to build trust I have my reasons. You've given me plenty of doubts with your behavior. Maybe I should start doubting everything about us Doubting everything will only push us further apart. Instead, we should communicate openly and address any concerns or insecurities we have. We can't let doubt consume our relationship Communication? We've talked about these things before, but nothing changes. It feels like I'm talking to a wall I understand that you're frustrated, but we both need to take responsibility for our actions and work on improving ourselves. We can't expect instant changes, but with patience and effort, we can make progress I'm tired of waiting for change. I want someone who prioritizes me and makes me feel secure It's not fair to put all the responsibility on me. A healthy relationship requires effort from both sides. I don't know if I can continue like this. Maybe we shouldn't be together

And finally, the breaking point. It's obvious that a poorly constructed building will collapse. It's logical, tragic, devastating. It's like a storm on a hot summer day, everything is fine one minute, and the next, the wind sweeps everything away, the sea becomes rough, and the storms become louder…

"I can't believe you're leaving me. You're abandoning everything we had!"

"You're making a big mistake. No one will ever love you like I do."

"I'll make sure you regret leaving me."

"You'll never find someone who understands you like I do. You'll be lost without me."

"I hope you enjoy being alone for the rest of your life. No one else will put up with you."

"You'll come crawling back to me. You'll see how much you need me."

"You think you can find someone better? Good luck with that."

"Without me, you're nothing. You'll never find someone who will take care of you like I did."

"You'll regret leaving me when you realize how much I did for you."

"You're just like everyone else. No one stays when things get tough."

"I gave you everything, and this is how you repay me? You're heartless."

"You'll never find someone who will fight for you like I did. You're throwing away true love."

"I hope you always regret leaving me. You'll realize the mistake you made."

"You'll never find someone who will tolerate your flaws like I did. You'll be alone forever."

"No one will ever understand you like I do. You're making a big mistake by leaving."

"I hope you find someone who hurts you just like you hurt me. You deserve to suffer."

Sometimes our own demons don't go away. Time heals all wounds is a lie. For some of us, time is torture, a nagging reminder that tomorrow brings another day and with it the same pains and anxieties, inequations. After all, the world continues to be the world, and it doesn't care if you don't fit in or can't handle the consequences of your own actions.

[creedslove]

Oi Mari, tudo bem? Quando li o que você escreveu envolvendo o Joel e a esposa dele se reencontrando um tempo depois, eu pensei em algo tipo: ele procurando por ela no cenário caótico e aí ele a encontra (não sei quanto tempo depois) mas ela sofreu uma queda que a deixou com amnésia, não lembra dele e ele precisa reconquistar a reader de novo? Ai já imagino esse homem fantástico de banho tomado e cabelo penteado dançando com ela uma música e contando que foi a música do casamento deles. (fique à vontade pra me ignorar, acabei de tomar 500ml de açaí ESTOU AGITADA)

Post outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

"(...)I've been thinking about Joel looking for his wife in that chaotic scenario, he finds her but she fell down and now is suffering from amnesia and can't remember him, so he needs to win her back? I can already imagine that man, showered, combed haired and dancing with her to a song and telling her it was their wedding song..."

• KINDA LIKE A PART TWO OF THIS REQUEST HERE

A/N: amiga, vc quase me matou com essa ideia, é simplesmente perfeita ❤️ eu sou mais da versão sem outbreak do Joel, mas essa sua ideia me cativou demais... E não se preocupe sobre só açaí, eu tomei um milkshake ontem de 500ml e até agora tô sentindo os efeitos 🤣

• it was such a bitter sweet feeling for Joel when he found you. On one hand you were alive, you managed to survive after all those years the world had gone to shit, of course you were strong, but he was so used to losing the ones he loved, he assumed you were gone like everyone else too

• but you were there, alive, well, a few scratches and scars here and there but overall you were alright, and looking just we beautiful to him as the last time he'd seen you

• there was just one problem: the doctors in Jackson advised him you had memory loss, they didn't know what was the extent without being able to perform exams, they assumed either your memory would be back some time or it wouldn't

• and of course Joel was relieved and happy to know you were alive and well, but it gutted him to see you didn't remember him, no matter how many times he tried approaching you and talking to you, you would just be confused

• you were even a little afraid of him at first, he was a big, rough guy and for whatever reason he kept following you all over, which made you slightly afraid

• eventually you calmed down, but you didn't understand why he was after you, he was so sweet and kind, which was the total opposite of how he treated other people in town, you'd already noticed it

• he even asked you out for drinks, you'd said no at first, but then you changed your mind and decided to give it a try, maybe it would be nice

• Joel was so sweet all the time, you had heard from many people how he didn't talk much about, well... Anything, and yet there he was, telling him all about his life before the outbreak, about the beautiful wife he had, and the amazing daughter he lost and how good his life was

• you didn't know exactly what it was, but you felt low-key jealous of him, because you wanted to have lived a life like that, and even if what he had told you sounded somewhat familiar, you couldn't actually remember anything from your past

• and there was the fact he was able to order exactly what you loved: the drinks, the beer, the appetizers... Everything

• normally, you would get pissed off at a guy ordering things for you, but not Joel, he made you feel safe, as if he knew you

• and maybe you'd met him before?! You knew your head wasn't the same after you had a real bad fall from the horse during patrol, but where would it be from?

• when you looked at him, it was like your heart raced and you felt something for him... Of course it could be a crush, even if Joel was a middle-aged man, he was still very handsome and he dragged a lot of attention from the women in Jackson

• but it was like something more, as if you knew him, as if you had loved him once...

"you must've really love your wife... I'm sorry you lost her too"

• you told him, caressing his hand gently, hoping the touch wouldn't be too inappropriate

• but he took your smaller hand into his big one and caressed it softly, smiling at you

"I haven't lost her, she just needs to remember me.."

• then he leaned forward and tried kissing you, but you took a step back, a little weirded out but you caressed his cheek gently, and Joel leaned towards your touch even more

• the next day, he asked you to come visit him at his place, he had managed to ditch Ellie somewhere as he was going to try something after he borrowed Tommy's old radio and managed to find a CD that had exactly the song he needed

• he showered, for a long while, wanting to look spotless clean for you, he combed his hair back and though he couldn't change his grays or his lines, he tried finding some clothes that looked as similar as the ones he wore the day he married you

• you walked inside and the record was already playing, being welcomed by a very well-groomed Joel, who took your hand and asked you to dance with him

• that was weird but there was also something so familiar, so sweet in it and you couldn't simply say no, you took a step closer and let his arm fall on your waist, pulling you closer, feeling as if you knew the steps even if you didn't

"we danced to this song... At our wedding, many years ago, when life was good and the world hadn't ended, when you were my bride and I was your husband and we had a beautiful daughter together... I know it's been ages, but I'd like you to remember, because having you by my side makes everything a little less shitty, you know?"

• your eyes watered at his beautiful words and at that and you had the impression of remembering a younger Joel, sweet smile holding you closer

• you kissed his lips, feeling how good they felt, how they felt like something you'd forgotten for a long time: love

• but there it was again, your love for him and his love for you

"I don't remember everything, be patient with me Joel, please..."

"I'll always wait for you, darling, until my last breath. I love you, always have, and always will"

____

[fabuloustrash05]

Can we have a bit of info on 2003 Mona Lisa and or headcannons about her if you have thought of any? It's okay if you haven't yet-

I'm still trying to put together her story consider I have not watch 2003 yet, so I wanna build her story around the canon knowledge and rules of 03's world, but so far for her story I came up with 2 ideas:

She was visiting TCRI on a school field trip and went off to snoop around. She ended up in a part of the building she should not have been in which led to her being in an accident that resulted in her being mutated.

She was an intern for Baxter Stockman (before he hired April), until one day she discovered his evil plans, he experimented on her which resulted in her mutation.

I'm thinking about going for the first option, but I also like the idea of her having a vendetta against Stockman too. Again, it's a work in progress.

Now for HCs about her:

She's a human turned mutant lizard and is a year older than the Turtles.

She's a science prodigy, very smart and has a passion for chemistry. Because of her intelligence she was being accepted into college early and was planning to go but then her mutation happened.

Mona is a plan ahead kind of person. As a human, she had her whole life planned out to a T. She knew what she wanted and her goals were set in stone. When things were finally going her way, exactly as planned, everything was taken from her in a matter of seconds. As a mutant her whole world is now different, with her having no clue what she should do now. She can't contact her family or friends ("what would they think of me?!"), she feels as if her identity has been altered/ripped away from her, and her future is now changed and she is scared of where her life will go now. In the beginning she's very bitter about being a mutant, but over time and with some help from friends she'll met along the way, she'll learn to love herself again and realizes that not knowing what will come next is the greatest part of living your life.

Of course her and Raph have a little thing. They like each other, but desperately try to hide it by arguing with one another and acting like they hate each other. *cue True Love by P!nk* Everyone can see the romantic tension between them and wonder "WHEN THE HELL ARE THEY GONNA KISS??!!"

I like to think that April becomes like a big sister figure for her. And if I go with the Stockman route for her backstory, this would give the girls something to bond over and talk shit about their ex boss.

Mona is good friends with Donnie too, and sometimes she hangs out with him in his lab and they do experiments together and brainstorm invention ideas. This often results in Raph hanging out in the lab "for no reason at all" and watches Donnie and Mona work. He's totally not jealous or anything.

Now for some other fun facts about her!

Her favorite color is pink (but she also likes red)

She was a part of her high school's gymnastics team

She's into kickboxing and wrestling

She dresses very feminine but she's a tomboy at heart

Her favorite food is pancakes with bananas and extra syrup

With her new lizard body, she can walk on walls and the ceiling

She loves horror movies and psychological thrillers

She doesn't think aliens are real and still refuses to believe it even after Donnie introduces her to Jhanna and she comes across the Utrom.

[pynkhues]

🧠 Rio and Stan

🧠 Shiv

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

Rio and Stan

Together? Oooo, I actually don't think they'd ever become real friends? That's not a hugely popular opinion in this fandom, but I really do think that they've just got such different values, and that wouldn't change even if Stan became fully embroiled in crime as he started to in canon.

I think they'd respect each other, but Stan in particularly would have trouble negotiating Rio's status in the crime world and the things that's he done and what he wants and hopes for his own life and the lives of his children. The lines would blur over time though, and I think they'd find a rhythm with one another from Harry turning Jane and Marcus's friendship into a trio and basketball and the love they both have for their families, and I especially like the idea that maybe one day, shit goes just wrong enough with the business that they end up getting a drink together, and it doesn't clear the air exactly, but for once that air isn't something they choke on, and everything after that gets a little easier, even if it never gets easy.

Shiv

Ooo, okay okay okay, I love this idea that Shiv, deep down, has this really romantic idea of being an artist. That she studied theory in college and spent her early twenties obsessed with the punk work of Linder Sterling (like you can't tell me Shiv wouldn't see herself in something like this) and Cindy Sherman and Barbara Kruger, and she fantasised about being them. Living somewhere small and shitty in London or New York and having something to say and being heard, but the thing is, it won't ever happen for her - she won't ever allow herself the vulnerability of creative expression (especially when she sees Kendall's soft, sad underbelly every time he tries to rap, and it really does gross her the fuck out), and she doesn't have the patience to develop or the confidence in her own voice to really know what to say, and the thought of it curdles up inside her and plants like a bitter seed.

And she resents it, when she sees people creating, hides behind a veneer of snobbery and political then capitalist self-importance, but there's still this part of her that's so jealous of artists. Worse, jealous of Kendall who somehow hasn't crushed this thing inside him, and she hates that she's pleased when his art app investment falls through or when Roman and her can roast his rapping, hates that she knows he'll keep trying anyway because he wants to be adjacent to art when it's all she can do to pretend she's above it, but maybe when she takes off her wedding ring after Tom's betrayal, it's art that finds her again. It's Linder's work that sits in her head, behind her eyes, and her anger is fuelled by these women who could maybe articulate things Shiv never knew how to, and she thinks she might not have the hands to create art, but she has the head to create something out of the mess her life's become, and this time, she will.

Fanfic writers emoji ask game

[theeatmebeatmelady]

Lessons In Empathy

I. I am trying to no longer be mad at the girls who have everything I never seemed to get. I am trying not to be vicious and angry when they ask me where I'm wintering, if I took piano lessons as a child, did my grandparents send me that, did you go to Italy this summer? I am trying not to be jealous, I am trying not to hold it against them. 

It is an exercise in empathy, I was told. I am at the same school, I do the same work, I am just as good as they are, I should focus on that instead. Here, I am their equal. Outside this campus however, our lives couldn't be more different. How can I not be bitter about that? About the amount of money they can spend? About how wonderful of an educational background they have, and their parents have, and their grandparents have. About how their grandparents send them birthday cards and care packages and they've had them around their whole lives. They have family. How can I not be bitter? How can I not look at them and see everything that I ever wanted out of life, and how much I've lost in my own? 

They love going home for holidays, with their whole families and warm christmas trees and thanksgiving day turkeys. They smile and laugh and sing christmas carols while their father plays the guitar, while their mother makes dinner, while their grandparents smile and hold hands, while their siblings play with their toys, while everyone loves each other, and no one is yelling. No one is yelling or sighing and there is no tension in the air. It's nothing I've ever seen in real life. 

They get to walk around without the weight of ever being a burden on their shoulders. They never learned how to tell who it was walking up the hallway by the heaviness of their footsteps, they never learned what it's like to be the parent of themselves, they never learned how to placate a lost and angry parent. It hurts and hurts and hurts and it makes me so full of bitterness I choke on it. 

They will never understand what it's like to grow up in an angry home, one that makes you walk on eggshells. They live their lives with the confidence of people who were never told they couldn't do anything, never made to feel small and alone and it shows. It shines through the skin of their faces like sunlight. Like flash photography, the light always catches me by surprise. 

II.

But then, when is empathy the wrong choice to make? When should I keep more of my heart to myself? 

I wonder only because sometimes little sadnesses overwhelm me more than anyone else. I get a vase of flowers- they brighten up the room and each bud has so much happiness and joy inside itself- and every time I enter my little space, I am overwhelmed with joy because of their presence. And every day, as each flower wilts more and more, my mood does with it. It pains me deeply that they cannot sit happy and beautiful and lovely on my windowsill for the rest of my life. Their little brown corpses flopped over the vase, laying flat on the wood, break my heart. They look so hopeless, so spent, so tired of sitting and looking pretty for me. I mourn and sniffle and have to run away once I toss their bodies in the trash, not looking, so I never have to see them at the bottom of a black trash bag, mingled with rotted food and cardboard boxes and spoiled milk. 

Flowers die. More accurately, as soon as they are plucked from the earth, cut from their stalks, they are dying. It is the nature of a vase of flowers- they were never meant to be displayed in such a manner. 

Is this the wrong kind of empathy? The kind that will just tire my heart, make my life unlivable, the kind of softness that I can't afford to give away to every small bud of baby's breath? How do other people pick and choose what to give their heart to so easily? I never understand. 

III.

I remember almost every animal I've seen dead on the road beside my car. I can't help but remember- it's like a slap in the face everytime I drive past them. Squirrels and their little bushy tails that they hold over their heads like umbrellas when it rains, stained by that horrible vibrant red and purple and tire tracks. Raccoons with their little mischievous hands and smart masks and chunky torsos, their skulls smashed and swollen guts splattered under every car, right in the middle of the road, so they just keep getting hit over and over and over again. They keep getting broken over and over and over again. Deers, larger than I ever expect them to be, their coarse caramel fur broken open, their lovely knobby legs lifeless on the asphalt. They should be lying on a field of moss, trees giving them shade and flowers growing around their stagnant antlers and they should be the same color as all the branches. Instead they lie next to concrete barriers and metal fences and neon road signs and everything ugly and brutalist and this where they have to stay. No good samaritan will pull over and bury the bodies, collect the bones, try to give them proper burial rites. I certainly cannot. I can hardly look at the mangled bodies, can hardly cope with driving past them for five seconds. 

It is ridiculous to say aloud! People say, it is just one deer! It is just roadkill! There are so many more out there! But somewhere, underneath maples trees I'll never see, there are hundreds of little acorns buried safely in hiding, now never to be unearthed and eaten in the winter air. And it is too much for me to bear. 

IV.

Endings always sicken me. I always try to grasp on to everything that I can, to stop it from leaving, stop it from ending. I don't know where I picked up the idea that every ending is a horrible thing, a thing to be stopped. 

Stay just five more minutes, I used to plead, like that would stop him from leaving at all, from me sleeping alone. 

One more episode? I'd ask all my friends, as if this would stop the night from ever ending. 

We still have two more years, We laugh, like this will mean we will never graduate, that we will never have to grow up and get real jobs, like we will never have to part from this time and each other. 

I cannot even light candles, use the pretty soaps I buy for myself. Every time you light the wick, you wash your hands, they vaporize, evaporate, literally get carried away by the wind, washed down the drain. How will I ever be able to stomach that? Something that was so beautiful, so tangible, burning up into smoke?

[divine17]

↳ NIGHT AND DAY | MASTERLIST

Request: hi!! could you write fezco x fem!reader where they aren’t dating but when she sees fez with another girl, she gets jealous?? thank youuuu" - Anon

+ "i'd love anything where you party with maddie, she'd be so much fun lol" - Anon

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: Condensed the first request a little bc space/spoilers but thank you, I really enjoyed writing this one!

You could honestly say that you'd never felt jealous before, not in your entire life. Not when someone you knew got into some top college or an amazing job offer, or when Maddy or Cassie showed off their newest outfits or boyfriends. Sure, you thought it was nice, but you just never really felt jealous over it.

That awful pang of bitter desire had never crossed your heart, or mind... Until today.

You hadn't even known it would affect you like that, you really didn't. And the worst part? You didn't even know why or how it happened, but when you walked into the living room and saw Fezco, his arm around some girl, whispering something in her ear? It stung a little. It felt like you had just... Frozen in place, like you couldn't tear your eyes away. Her laughter seemed like it echoed through the room, his smoke clouding your vision, but you just couldn't look away from the sight in front of you. What finally snapped you out of the haze was...

"Y/N? Earth to Y/N!" Maddy's voice rings in your ears, her hand on your shoulder, nails tapping you lightly. There's a look in her big brown eyes, some strange mix of concerned and annoyed.

"Oh, sorry." You shrug her hand off of you, taking a step backward into the hallway. Your eyes glance around, and you're not even sure what you're looking for until you spot it. The kitchen. Yeah, you needed something to drink if you were gonna be here a while... And it definitely looked like you were, judging by the party around you.

"Girl, you look like you saw a ghost." She says, her eyebrow cocked slightly in curiousity. "You good? Don't tell me you're sick..."

You shake your head. "No, no, I'm alright. You go dance, I'll get drinks, I'll find you."

With one last concerned look at you, she agrees, taking off in Fezco's direction. And you knew it was wrong, but you couldn't help but take a final glance over at him. The girl had gotten closer now, her head resting beside his arm as he leaned down, saying something to her. She talks for a moment before she sits up, suddenly pressing a soft kiss to his lips. You turn around before you can see his reaction. Honestly, you didn't really want to see it. Instead, you head to the kitchen, grabbing two shot glasses and the fullest bottle of tequila you saw.

When you finally find Maddy, she's near the door, talking to a guy you don’t recognize. He’s tall, his skin glistening with water droplets, wet hair sticking to his forehead. He slicks it back, pulling it out of his face when she notices you.

"Y/N!! Just met this gentleman, he says there's a pool in the yard."

"Yeah, it's just out there. It's real nice." He nods, pointing his thumb toward the door in the living room.

To anyone else, you had no doubt that the look on her face would've been unreadable, but to you, it was clear... She was plotting something, some kind of devilish gleam in her eyes, something not so innocent behind her smile. And she looks directly at you.

"Let's go swim." She states, and you laugh. It's not a command, but not much of a question, either, and you knew she wasn't taking no for an answer. You agree, and a smirk tugs at the guy's lips. He says something flirty about going together, but she brushes him off, grabbing your hand instead.

Half an hour later, there's a few shots coursing through you and you're starting to feel that familiar buzz. Your face is warm and you're sure there's a blush creeping up your cheeks, but you can't bring yourself to care. Your clothes are dropped on the concrete across from you, the bottle of tequila and your shots sitting beside them.

You loved these nights with her, wherever it may be. House party, Theo's mom's house, her bedroom... There was usually a little alcohol involved, resulting in big smiles and hours of girl talk. It reminded you of the nights with Fez where you'd sit on his couch, some movie playing in the background. The two of you would be too busy passing a blunt back and forth, the conversation flowing so naturally, neither of you paying any attention to what was on the screen.

There it was again. That gross fog in your mind, the acidic twinge in your heart. It snaps you out of your mind and back into reality, legs shifting in the warm water as Maddy moves a little closer.

"I have a question."

You nod. "Yeah?"

"When we first got here, what was that?" She stops for a moment, almost like she'd regretted asking, tapping her nails against the pavement to ground herself. "I don't think I've ever seen you look like that... It was weird."

You open your mouth to speak, but you hesitate. Whatever you were about to say, those words died in your throat, so you just shrug. To be honest, you weren't even really sure how to explain that. You saw your sometimes pot dealer, your kinda-sorta friend that you didn't even really know that well... You saw him talking to someone, and got... Jealous?

No, it wasn't that they were sitting together, you thought. It was how close she was, how she was curled into him, her head on his arm. How she kissed him. You wondered what it would feel like if it were you instead. Would it feel as blissful as you imagined it would?

"I, uh... I saw someone, that's all." You say, looking away from her like you were guilty of something. It doesn't slip past her.

"Don't even try to bullshit me, you know I know you too well for that." She adds, and you can't even bring yourself to argue. It was true. "Spill."

"Just a friend. He was with some girl, I don't know." She gasps as you finish your sentence, throwing her hands up to her chest. She always was one for dramatics.

"So you're jealous?!" She exclaims, and there’s no effort made to hide her surprise. You interrupt her with, admittedly, a series of halfhearted objections. They only confirm her suspicion.

“Who was it?” Maddy asks, and you roll your eyes. You wouldn’t be giving that away, no matter how much alcohol was in your system… And at this point, honestly, you were really feeling it. “Nevermind, not important. Do you like him?”

You begin to shake your head, but pause after a moment. Did you like him?

If you were sober, you probably would've laughed at the question and given a definitive 'no', no way you liked Fez any more than you liked your other friends... Right? But in this state, a little drunk and sort of frustrated, you had to think.

Fezco was kind, it was something you always loved him for. Whenever you had a shitty day, his house was always your safe place. You knew you were okay there, that nothing could ever hurt you within those walls. He would always take care of you, healing whatever hurt you'd gone through in his own unique way, which was usually with a little weed and the comfort of an old crocheted blanket. He always knew the right things to say, and it didn't help that, honestly?

With the buzzcut and the long scar across the side of his head, the bushy ginger beard. The little bump across his freckled nose, his soft lips and his ocean blue eyes. You'd be lying if you said he wasn't kind of cute. You always figured it was the weed talking whenever you hung out, but now, you weren't so sure.

"I think so." You confess. A puzzled sort of look appears on her face, clearly asking for more info. "I've never really thought about it but... Yeah. Yeah, I do like him."

"You have to tell him."

The next morning, Maddy's words ring through your mind... Along with a slight headache from the liquor, but that seemed unimportant at the moment. You couldn't stop thinking about what you'd said in the pool. You laid in bed, trying to re-examine your thoughts in a sober state. It didn't take long to realize that everything you said about Fezco was true. It's kind of funny how a little liquor can bring out the truth, isn't it?

The next time you see Fez, it's a few days after the party. He'd texted you some small joke about how he hadn't seen you in a while, inviting you over to his house. You folded easily, agreeing to come over that night. Somehow, you still missed him, even after the jealousy and your realization.

And now, it's getting late. You're sitting cross-legged on his bed. The window's open and there's crickets chirping below. The wind carries in a warm breeze, and carries out the smoke from the joint between your fingers. He falters as brings his own joint to his lips. There's clearly something on his mind, but he takes a draw anyway, brushing it off.

"You okay?" You ask softly. He nods carefully, still thinking. He exhales a plume of smoke and you can't help but watch his lips. They looked so soft, and you remember the kiss at the party, silently wondering what it would be like if you kissed him. You shake the thought when he starts talking again.

"Yeah... It's dumb, don' worry about it."

“You sure?” You question whether or not to push, but quickly decide not to. Leaving it at that seemed better than prying. You knew he'd tell you if he wanted you to know or if it was something that really bothered him, and that was good enough.

"I'on know, I just saw you Friday, at the party. You didn't say 'hey'," He says, his voice tinged with confusion. You feel yourself freeze slightly, unsure of what to say. "and you looked sad."

"Oh." Was all you could manage to muster. He looks over at you, and you can feel your heartbeat speeding up. All you can do is glance away from his eyes, pulling a thread on your jeans instead. "I was with Maddy, you know how she gets."

The half-truth rolls off your tongue easily, as much as you didn't really want it to. He shrugs, and you know what he's thinking. It makes you feel kind of guilty, somehow.

"Yeah, I get it. You usually come see me anyway though."

He's right, and the room falls silent. Usually, this sort of silence woud've been fine, just the two of you, comfortably high and lost in your own thoughts. But this time felt different, somehow. Not quite uncomfortable, just kind of... Tense. Like you both had more to say, but you couldn't get the words out. You stand from the bed, stubbing out the joint before coming to rest at the window beside him.

"I'm sorry." Your voice is soft, and you don't look at him. Instead, you look outside, watching a car speed past the house entirely too quickly. He shrugs, mumbling a small 'it's aight', and the next words slip out before you can even really think them. "Who was the girl you were with?"

"I don't remember her name." He confesses, looking over at you. You can tell he's being genuine, but he laughs, which confuses you a little. "She just wanted my weed. I wouldn't sell to her 'cause she was real drunk."

You smile, shaking your head. "You do have really good weed."

The two of you go quiet again, both just watching your surroundings outside. Someone walks by, headphones in and flashlight in hand. You want to take the moment to sort out your thoughts, but your mind betrays you. You never were too good at keeping secrets.

"I saw her kiss you," You look up at him, but quickly look back down. The expression on his face was damn near unreadable, which strikes you as odd. "and, y'know, I wondered what it would be like to kiss you. Weird, isn't it?"

"Were you... Jealous? Of her?" He laughs lightly, and the following silence makes you regret your words instantly. You shake your head profusely. You would not be admitting that to him. "You coulda just led with sayin' you wanted to kiss me, ya'know."

A look of surprise crosses your face as he turns toward you, and it takes everything in you to look at him again. There's a thin smile on his face, and he doesn't look upset about what you said. Instead, his expression is soft, almost humored, but not angry like you'd expected.

"Do you want me to kiss you?"

"Yeah, I do."

You're surprised at his words, and definitely want to talk about that later, but for now, you push it aside. Your eyes flutter shut at you reach up, pressing your lips to his. They're so soft, and he kisses you back instantly. His hand comes to rest on your waist, pulling you closer, and you’re not sure you’ve ever been more comfortable. His tongue swipes at your bottom lip and warmth spreads in your chest, quiet relief washing over you as you accept the invitation. You let your arms rest over his shoulders, and he relaxes into you.

It's all a little clumsy, but God, it feels good. Really good.

A moment later, you pull away, breathless. It only takes a moment for both of you to start laughing. Neither of you are even sure what you're laughing about, but it feels so euphoric that you don't mind.

"Been waitin' for that." He teases, a grin on his lips. Your cheeks are coated in a pink blush, and you can't help but smile. "Didn't know if you felt like that too."

"It's kind of hard not to fall in love with you, Fezco."

@bigpoppajes @sivyera @maudesfolklore @leah-bobeea @lavbeeros @a-r-s56 @sia2raw @poisxnedmind @nesswastaken @chaoticevilbakugo

[stupid-sloot-headcanons]

Amai Mask developing a stupid petty fixation on someone who hits a little too close to home with some comments they say in passing to a friend. They're at an autograph signing and got dragged there by their friend who's a huge fan, and they say something like this while he's in earshot:

"Look, I get that people think he's good looking...I guess...but why bother spending money for his autograph? You're buying a little fantasy of him actually giving a fuck about you for a few seconds at $50 minimum. Idols are already depressing, but imagine being a Hero who's one on top of that. People obsessed that much with looks either have a deformity they're trying to hide, major psychological issues they need to work out, or both. I guarantee you beneath all the foundation and blush, the dude is just a regular shallow asshole at best and a monster at worst."

He brushes it off at first. Plenty of people say he's shallow, he's superficial, etc. They're jealous of his looks, talent, success, everything he's earned. But that last comment stings him and he hates that some random 4/10 nobody made in passing is stuck in the back of his mind. Why? They don't know. They don't know anything about him. It was just some cruel stupid joke.

And yet he can't stop thinking about it. How dare that little ant act like a damn expert on his mind and how the world works. They don't know a thing about him or the way beauty IS everything to succeed. Or maybe they do and they're just projecting their insecurities. He just can't stop seething over it.

When their friend comes for their autograph, Amai is warm and friendly to his fan and then asks if ____ would like anything. ____ hastily says no thanks, they don't have a ticket, but he insists on giving them something for standing in line for so long.

They leave with a small scrap of paper with his name on it, but he notices them hand it to their ecstatic friend instead. He decides to do some idle sleuthing when he's on break and manages to find the fan's social media--and then ____'s. He's just scrolling through to sate his curiosity. He just needs to know just how boring and pathetic their life really is.

Stalking them online becomes an idle pastime before he knows it. Soon he knows where they live, where they work, the fact they're single (of course they are--bitterness and cynicism are ugly as hell). He starts to have petty little daydreams where he shows up to their dingy little apartment and pays for the whole thing to be renovated, just so they can thank him and realize that they really were the ugly projecting one all along--they didn't know what they were talking about and they were so grateful to him.

Sometimes his daydreams and idle thoughts get darker. He'd barge into their home unannounced, catching them in some grubby sweatpants and ratty t-shirt before throwing them down and tearing those clothes off. He'd show them that even as a monster, he's still better and more beloved than they'll ever be. Nobody will ever care about them, and the highlight of their life would be getting taken by him and knowing that nobody would ever believe Amai Mask forced himself on the likes of them. He wouldn't want his veins to bulge while he took advantage of them and made them cry underneath him; he could just blindfold them, so they don't get the satisfaction of knowing they were right--he IS a monster.

And then those daydreams turn into recurring dreams that leave him hard and frustrated. Sometimes he leaves them shivering and crying. Sometimes he kills them after they see his real face. But most of the time he drags them to his penthouse and locks them away, making them his full time stress doll. It's not like their life before was any better; they're getting fucked regularly by the most beautiful man in the world and living in a penthouse, the ugly bitch should be thanking him for an opportunity people would kill for. Granted they can't leave for a while, not until they learn their place. And never with him. He'd laugh just thinking about the press seeing him walking alongside some unattractive nobody. They'd probably make a puff piece about him doing charity work by taking lonely eternal spinsters out to make them feel special for a day.

Being his toy, his doll that he can finally show his monstrous side to is more rewarding than the life they had before. They're HIS now, and that's a privilege nobody else gets.

[shift-shaping]

Solas/Surana Party Banter round whatever

hello. here it is again, but different this time! SIGNIFICANTLY. there's way more and it's a little bit ~angst-y~. anyway, here's the previous version, and here's a preface to this post.

-

In case you aren't aware of what my girl's Whole Deal is, she was in love with Alistair during the Blight and he sacrificed himself, which Sucked Balls for her. She wandered around in the mountains for most of the past ten years, and now she's in the Inquisition because she doesn't know what else to do with her life.

content warnings: brief mention of colorism

Lots of banter under the cut

Solas: Surana. Now that you have joined the Inquisition, what title do you prefer to use?

Surana: What title do you use?

Solas: None. But you have earned many.

Surana: 'Warden,' I guess. I don't really care.

Solas: Not 'Hero of Ferelden?'

Surana: No. Surana is fine.

.

Solas: You dislike your title?

Surana: It is inaccurate. Alistair was the real hero, and he died fighting the archdemon --I only ever did what I had to do.

Solas: Hm.

.

Solas: You do not think yourself a hero?

Eirwen: *sighs* If a man is ordered to save a child from a burning building or else be killed himself, is he really a hero? No, he is not.

Eirwen: Had I not been made a Warden, I would have been killed or made Tranquil. I did not choose to do the right thing. I was forced to.

.

Surana: Why do you keep asking me so many questions, Solas?

Solas: You are an historical anomaly. An elven mage elevated to the status of legendary hero.

(If the Inquisitor is an elf, a mage, or both:

Eirwen: Well apparently it’s not that anomalous.

Solas: Even still.)

Solas: I have seen echoes of your victories in the Fade alongside reflections of your losses. You have overcome a great deal. Do not be so quick to dismiss your own story.

Surana: Your dreams are lying to you. That legacy is not mine to claim.

Solas: I will not try to convince you otherwise, but know this: whatever bitterness you feel towards your legacy, you will gain far more accepting it than you ever would fighting its tide.

Surana: This isn't really about me, is it?

Solas: It never is.

.

[After All New, Faded for Her]

Eirwen: I’m sorry about Wisdom, Solas.

Solas: I appreciate that. Thank you.

Eirwen: It must have had a wealth of knowledge. It is a shame to lose so much for so little.

Solas: There is a difference between wisdom and knowledge.

Eirwen: Right, yes. I remember a joke about that. Would you like to hear it?

Solas: Not particularly.

Eirwen: *clears her throat* Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing it does not belong in a fruit salad.

Solas: ...

Eirwen: Too soon, I suppose. Sorry.

.

Solas: Thank you, Surana.

Eirwen: I told you, Dorian and I aren’t fond of that particular vintage. And we thought you’d appreciate the earthy tones.

Solas: Thank you for that as well, I think, but that is not what I as referring to.

Eirwen: Oh?

Solas: Your joke. You… it was unexpected. But not bad at all.

Eirwen: Oh. Well, that’s about the least dirty joke I know. Want to hear one a drunken dwarf told me in the Deep Roads?

Solas: Another time, perhaps.

Eirwen: Ah, you wouldn’t like it anyway.

.

Solas: Surana. You said before that a man ordered to save a child from a burning building under threat of death would not be a hero.

Solas: I disagree.

Surana: Oh?

Solas: The man threatened with death may not see himself as particularly noble, but the child will always see him as their savior. Regardless of his motivations, he will always be a hero to the child he saved.

Surana: So no matter who or what made him do it, he is still a good person because another thinks him such?

Solas: I did not say that. 'Heroic' and 'good' are not necessarily the same.

.

Surana: So what is your point, then? That I should make people call me 'Hero' at Skyhold?

Solas: My point is that you should not feel guilty if they believe you to be someone you are not. You cannot control them, and attempts to the contrary will only serve to make you miserable.

Surana: Why do you care so much? Why does it matter to you how I feel about being called 'the Hero of Ferelden'?

Solas: It --doesn't. You are right, of course. And I meant no offense.

Surana: That's not-- I'm not offended, I'm curious. I want to know why it matters to you, a random wandering apostate, whether I call myself a hero or a bastard or a drunkard or nothing at all.

Solas: It is as I said: elven mages are rarely given the level of respect and admiration that you are. It is a shame you see no benefit in that.

Surana: Benefit? Like what, seeing my ears cut off in statues? My staff turned into a sword? My skin lightened in paintings and my relationships reduced to spectacle or seduction?

Surana: Maybe I am offended. I would love to be an anonymous apostate. I was, for a while, but I couldn't stop trying to live up to a version of me that doesn't exist, never has, and never will. The real hero is dead, and you have me instead.

Solas: You must let that be enough, Surana.

Surana: It isn't.

.

Surana: Solas, you have dreamt in all sorts of places, right?

Solas: Yes.

Surana: Have you ever --well, did you ever see the Battle of Denerim, in your dreams?

Solas: Not as you would remember it.

Surana: Of course not. But... I mean-- did you--

Solas: It is done, Surana. You cannot linger there.

Surana: How do I do that? How do I stop seeing it?

Solas: You do not. But instead of letting it weigh you down, let that pain be what pushes you forward. Focus on where you must be, and what you must do. You are needed here, now, exactly as you are, not as the person you were in Denerim. Whoever others think you are, you must go forward as who you know you are. If you lose sight of that, you are lost.

.

Surana: Solas, thank you.

Solas: For what?

Surana: You know full well what.

Solas: I try to help, when I can. The pain you carry is... familiar.

Surana: Familiar?

Solas: You feel guilt simply for being alive, as though self-flagellation will make you worthy of existence.

Surana: Self-flagellation? *dryly* You have a way with words, you know.

Solas: *just as dryly* You flatter me.

[If neither Solas nor Surana are romanced]

Surana: You deserve the flattery.

Solas: Is that a compliment, from the Hero of Ferelden herself?

Surana: I take it back. You're an ass and I hate you.

Solas: *chuckles*

.

[After Here Lies the Abyss]

Surana: I didn’t know you disliked the Wardens so much, Solas.

Solas: It was not worth mentioning.

Surana: Not until it became acceptable to criticize us, you mean.

Solas: What have the Wardens actually accomplished in terms of understanding the Blight? Do you honestly feel you understand it any better than you did before you became one?

Surana: Is that a serious question? Do I understand it better after witnessing its ravages than I did when I’d merely read about them in a book?

Solas: What did the Wardens teach you? What did you learn from them, about the Blight?

Surana: More than I will ever tell you.

Solas: *bitterly* Ah. Of course.

.

Surana: You have always been an apostate, have you not?

Solas: By your Chantry’s definition, I suppose.

Surana: My chantry? Am I the Divine now, too? *scoffs* Anyway, you have never spent time in a Circle.

Solas: No.

Surana: Then one thing I will tell you about the Wardens is this: there is no other path to freedom for many mages than to join them. You were not dragged from your home in chains because of what you are. You were not barred from dreaming, nor threatened with Tranquility when you failed to perform a difficult spell.

Solas: You should not have had to make that choice, Surana.

Surana: Yet I did, because it was the only one I had. And the Wardens are all the world has to counter the Blight. You can disagree from your tower in Skyhold or your hut in the woods or whatever, but we are working with what is available to us. Come up with a real solution and I will listen. But I’m uninterested in ignorant complaints from someone who was not there.

.

Surana: It’s not my Chantry.

Solas: Poor wording, on my part.

Surana: I don’t even like the Chantry.

Solas: Abelas. I meant no offense.

Surana: Yes, you did. Or you just don't care.

Solas: What would you have me say, Warden?

Surana: Nothing. Just be quiet.

.

Solas: Where was home to you, Surana? Before the Circle?

Surana: *sighs* An orphanage in Denerim’s alienage.

Solas: Really? Huh. In that case, I would have expected you to sound more like Sera.

(Sera, if present: What? You think all city elves sound the same?

Solas: You are from the same section of the same city. Why would you not have the same accent?)

Surana: I don’t sound like Sera because I was beaten in the Circle until I spoke 'properly.’ No offense to Sera, of course.

(Sera, if present: More reasons to be glad I’m not like you two.)

.

Solas: I am sorry, Surana. Living in the Circle must have been difficult, and I imagine being a Warden during the Blight was no easier.

Surana: *sighs* It’s alright. You couldn’t have known.

Solas: I should have tried. I have done you a disservice, and I hope you can forgive me.

Surana: Maybe. Possibly. Did you bring any of that wine with you?

Solas: Unfortunately not.

Surana: *playfully* Then, no.

Surana: …But please, call me Eirwen.

Solas: Eirwen. Ma nuvenin.

.

[After Surana hears Cole and Solas banter for the first time]

Surana: Oh! I think I got that one, it's --oh, wait. No, that can't be it.

Cole: You were close, though.

Solas: Nearly had it.

.

[If Eirwen is romanced by an elven Inquisitor]

Solas: *playfully* For all your talk of wanting anonymity, Eirwen, you seem incapable of avoiding spectacle.

Surana: Is this about the drunken bear? I already apologized for that.

Solas: No. You and the Inquisitor. Two of the most powerful elves in Thedas, together?

Surana: Jealous?

Solas: Not for the reason you think.

Inquisitor: How could we resist?

Surana: We are both very pretty.

OR

Inquisitor: One day we will be free of all of this. Together.

Solas: For your sakes, I hope you are right.

.

[If Solas is romanced and Eirwen's personal quest is completed]

Solas: You no longer consider yourself a Grey Warden, Eirwen?

Surana: Did the Inquisitor tell you that?

Solas: Yes. You threw your badge into the Abyss.

Surana: Bit dramatic, I suppose. I was having a moment.

Solas: Evidently.

.

Surana: It almost felt traitorous, honestly.

Solas: Why? You were forced to join the Grey Wardens, were you not?

Surana: They still saved my life.

Solas: And condemned you to an early death. They bought you time, nothing more.

Surana: But time is all any of us have, isn't it?

Solas: No. You have a name, and experience, and the influence to pull the strings behind the world.

Surana: Careful. You'll make the Inquisitor jealous.

Solas: I am not attempting to flatter you. I am only telling you what you must already know: that you are more than a Warden, and always have been.

.

Surana: Where will the two of you go, once this is over?

Inquisitor: (Somewhere quiet) A place where we can be left alone.

OR (Somewhere fun) Someplace with good wine.

OR (Home) North. Where my people are.

Solas: An appealing prospect, vhenan.

Inquisitor: What about you, Eirwen?

Surana, based on the Inquisitor's answer to the previous question: (Somewhere quiet) Somewhere without so many damn demons.

OR (Somewhere fun) I was thinking Rivain. I've heard the food is excellent.

OR (Home) The Deep Roads. Where my people are.

.

[If neither Solas nor Eirwen are romanced]

Solas: Have you ever learned any elven, Eirwen?

Surana: Unfortunately not. A few words here and there, a long time ago. It wasn’t exactly taught in the Circle.

Solas: Would you like to?

Surana: I –oh. I hadn’t –um.

Solas: *chuckles* You do not have to learn.

Surana: No! I would love to. From you, I assume?

Solas: I cannot imagine you were going to learn it from Sera.

Sera, if present: I prefer real words, thanks.

.

Solas: What elven words do you recall, from your alienage?

Surana: Ah… okay. Hahren, that’s like… elder, or leader. The tree in the middle was called the vhenadahl. Lethallan is like friend, or ally, or maybe even sister?

Solas: Do you know what vhenadahl means?

Surana: It must be something about a tree.

Solas: And where is it, in the alienage?

Surana: A central place, somewhere everyone could see it.

Solas: And what is another word for the middle of something that lovers might call each other?

Surana: …Heart?

Solas: So what do you think 'vhena’ means, if 'dahl' is tree?

Surana: Uh... heart?

Solas: Yes. But also 'home.' The vhenadahl was both the home of your people, and the heart of the alienage.

Sera, if present: Just call it what it is --a big stupid tree.

.

Surana, in elven: *haltingly, mumbling* [Her early leaf’s a flower… but] –shoot.

Solas, in elven: [But only so…?]

Surana: M- it starts with an ’m’…

Solas: Take your time.

Surana: Meh- malath?

Solas: *laughs*

Surana: Is that wrong? Shit, that must be wrong.

Solas: Not wrong, per say, but perhaps premature.

Surana: What? What did I say?

Solas: Do not concern yourself with it, lethallan.

Surana: …was it dirty?

Solas: No.

Surana: …then what was it?

Solas: Patience, Eirwen.

.

Surana: I found out what ‘ma lath’ means.

Solas: I would expect nothing less from such a gifted student.

Surana: Mhm. It’s –well. I’m glad I said it, but you were right. It was premature.

Solas: I agree. Though...

Surana: Though?

Solas: *chuckles* I think this is neither the time nor place.

Surana: What is, then?

Solas: When I have you alone, Eirwen.

Surana: *laughs awkwardly* Maker's breath...

.

Sera + Surana

(If Solas has begun "teaching Eirwen elven")

Sera: So… you and Droopy ears.

Surana: Why do you call him that?

Sera: Cause he’s all –I don’t know, sad or wha'ever.

Sera: Anyway. Teaching you 'the ways of the elves,’ is he?

Surana: It’s just not a very good nickname, frankly.

Sera: Well I don’t want to know what you call him.

Surana: Certainly not droopy.

Solas, if present: *snorts*

Sera: *laughs* Ew! Keep it to yourselves, then!

.

Solas: Eirwen, I–

Solas: I am sorry we had to cut our lessons short.

Surana: It’s… I understand. We… no, you were right.

Solas: Please, Eirwen.

Surana: Perhaps, in another life, another time, we could have–

Solas: You are a bright light in a dark world. You will always be important to me, for whatever that is worth.

.

Surana: Can I ask you a question, Solas?

Solas: Of course.

Surana: It's not about me, is it?

Solas: I--

Surana: It's about trying to fight the tide.

Solas: Eirwen...

Solas: I am so, so sorry.

Surana: Telanadas, hahren.

Solas: Ma nuvenin, vhenan.

[nerfherder-02]

dear god People Watching by Conan Gray absolutely broke me today. you ever hear that song that describes your situation so perfectly it's not fair how it breaks your heart into the sharpest, most bitter pieces? that you go through every stage of the mortifying ordeal of being known in less than three minutes?

spent all day listening to my best friend and her boyfriend; "that wasn't funny, but she laughed so hard, she almost cried."

spent years waiting for someone to say "i like her 'cause she's so much smarter than me."

goodness i want to "feel all that love and emotion, be that attached" to my person.

i want my person but i know i'm not good for anyone. i'd end up hurt, or worse, hurting someone. i want someone to know all of me but not that part, so "for now i'm only people watching."

and god i hate how jealous i am. i hate the sickness in my heart. it's my best friend, my sister, so many other fond acquaintances. i cry "when's it my turn" but "cut people out like tags on my clothing" because i know i hurt them.

"i still keep hoping," i still get a thrill in my heart when i get a message from someone. i know i'm toxic for wanting people to love me when i can't love them the same. i know i'm broken and i'm not good for people.

so i see everyone around me in love and "having talks about their futures until four a.m." i want that so bad but i know i can't have it.

it hurts to watch everyone else get what i can't have, so "i'm only looking just to live through you vicariously." i can have my little thrills, always just too short of something real.

"i've never been in love, not seriously." i let myself have little obsessions. one after the next. ever since i started wanting my life has been defined by each person. i want to live in and of myself but i've attached my existence to these people who couldn't care less about me. and the people who do care for me, are the people i screw up. i let things go too far, i wreck good things because i'm afraid. i crave the attention but can't stand when it becomes real, not just a suspicion.

i don't deserve anyone. and that's okay. it's good enough to live with myself and live to become a better person than i was before. but i can't shake the tired, quiet loneliness. i'm so tired, quiet, and lonely.

i confessed the other day that i'm finally grieving how my last crush ended and as stupid as it sounds, i never got the closure i needed and to avoid ridicule i just shut down. i pretended i didn't care. and it ate me up inside to the point where i'm sobbing on the internet six months later. i'm processing years worth of trauma that collapsed on me in the span of a month, shutting me down inside for the past half a year. "life feels so monotone but i keep hoping." i don't know when i'll feel healed enough to let someone in, but i still want it all the same.

"someday i'll be falling, without caution. but for now i'm only people watching"

[shra-vasti]

MAKES ME WONDER [4/40] The Escape

→ Synopsis : Your dream to attend a Seventeen concert was finally coming true but you weren't prepared for the events that were going to follow after Joshua made eye contact with you and chose to make you his partner for the mini game and take you out on a date as a winning prize.

→ Genre : fluff, slice of life

→ Type : Idol x fan au

→ Word count : 1.9k

→ Taglist : @mngyuheart @vannie24 @uglyratlmao @rjsmochii @dwcljh @noniesgirl (let me know if you want to be added to the taglist)

→ Pairing : idol!Joshua x fan!reader

→ Main Seventeen Masterlist

→ Makes Me Wonder Masterlist

You started walking towards where Joshua was standing, his back facing you as the cameraman told you to start. You stopped when you reached a proper distance and politely called him just the way the cameraman explained you to. 

He turned around shyly smiling at you as he bowed and you did the same following his lead. 

"You look good."

He smiled at you nodding his head unlike earlier when he just showered you with how beautiful you look. 

"Thanks, but I can't compare to you, you always look really good with or without makeup."

Joshua wanted to laugh at how the conversation was going, it felt so foreign, he had to bite back his smile to not appear too happy with your company although he was aching to scream just how alive he was feeling in your presence. 

"No no, all the carats are really beautiful, I hope you're ready for our date."

"Yes yes please lead the way." 

You were a shy person but the cameraman had asked you to be really flustered all the time and behave exaggeratedly everytime he did something and you wondered if they asked every fan to do this since you always see the other carats being so flustered in their presence. 

The cameraman had told that you were exceptionally calm about all this date thing and that you had to act flustered around him to which you reluctantly agreed. Maybe it was just you. 

Joshua opened the cafe's door for you like the gentlemen he was and you thanked him shyly before going past him to choose a seat. 

You chose a seat which was near the door, there weren't many people in the cafe since it was booked prior for the date. 

The waiter came asking what you wanted to order and both of you gave him the orders before turning towards each other to talk about things till the time your order came. 

"So y/n what's your favorite seventeen song?" 

"Ah this one is hard, I love all of the songs but vocal units songs hold a special place in my heart."

He grinned widely at your answer, feeling a sense of pride that he was a part of the vocal unit and somehow finding relief in the fact that you indirectly hold a special place for him in your heart. 

He mentally cringed at his own thoughts. 

"Is that so? Who's your favorite member then?" 

He didn't know why he was feeling so edgy about your answer, he could see your ears getting red as you fidgeted with your fingers. 

"I really adore BooSeokSoon."

You look up to see his face being an epitome of disappointment as he looked sharply at you before laughing at you. He wanted to keep being bitter about your favorite member being on the gag trio but he remembered that he was being filmed so he couldn't be as free with you. 

"Which is your favorite unit?" 

"Hiphop unit of course, they are so cool and they always have some of the most inspiring and savage lyrics to jam on."

He narrowed his eyes at you again not feeling happy with your answer and you just laughed. 

"I see you're a fan of the Hip hop unit, what about your favorite song to dance to since you're so good at dancing? Is it rocket?" 

"No it's swimming fool, the song gives me a different sort of adrenaline rush and I can't do anything but feel happy when it's on."

"Yah, you say you adore the vocal unit but your favorite members are Seokmin, Soonyoung and Seungkwan but then you say your favorite unit is hip hop but your go to song is swimming fool which is of the performance unit."

You just laughed at him, pausing for a second since your drinks were being served. 

"Shall I tell you a secret?" 

You whispered him but loud enough so it would get caught in the mic attached on your shirt. 

"What is it?" 

"You can't choose a bias in Seventeen, it's either take all or none, seriously, I want to give standing ovations to each of the carats who only have one bias in Seventeen."

The laugh which escaped his lips after that was like music to your ears and you couldn't help but be proud of yourself for being the reason behind it, you actually wanted to make him laugh more. 

"I feel bad for the carats then but happy at the same time."

You just smiled at him finishing up your drink when the cameraman informed you two have a 10 minutes break before continuing the filming again. 

"I'm so proud of you, you are doing great."

"Is that so? I'm really nervous though, I'm glad that I don't have to be surrounded by the cameras all day, I feel bad for you guys sometimes."

Joshua smiled at you but it didn't reach his eyes like it did, it was almost as if he was agreeing with you that it was indeed hard to be surrounded by cameras all the time. 

"Sometimes I feel jealous of others who live their life the way they want but I kind of signed myself up for this so I can't complain plus I love being with the boys and I love that we can be the inspiration for so many carats out there."

He wasn't sure why he was telling all of these things to you, he needed to be happy in front of his fans all the time but he didn't feel obligated to do so in your presence which eased him up and at the same time burdened him too. 

You were just a fan, this date was all a setup, nothing was real and he wouldn't see you ever after this or spend time with you the same but he still felt as if he wasn't doing anything wrong talking about his tension with you. 

You reached your hand to pat his which was on the table and give it a little squeeze, smiling a little at him. 

"It's hard and I'm so proud that you have come this far and not given up."

"I'm happy that I didn't give up too, otherwise how would I have met you?" 

You felt blush rise up on your cheeks again at his remark and he couldn't help but feel his heart doing weird things looking at you. 

He leaned back on his chair, looking at the ceiling before looking back at you. 

"I do wish I could have just one day where I could live life as freely as possible, it's just an impossible dream but I want to if I could."

You weren't sure if you would sound creepy or crazy but you couldn't help yourself and playfully suggested the first thought that came into your mind after hearing his wish. 

"Why don't we do that then? Let's escape."

He looked at you, eyebrows creased without saying anything, he looked like he was contemplating. 

"Let's do it."

You straightened your back as soon as those three words left his mouth. Was he serious about it? You suggested it to him in a playful manner. 

"What if you get punishment for it later? The last thing I want is for you to go through any rough time because of this."

You looked in the direction of the cameraman and his assistants who were busy going through the clip which both of you had filmed earlier. 

"Well it would be adventurous and I don't mind getting a handful of scolding in return of my wish, I would be smiling from ears to ears even if I'll get the scolding."

The excited look which he wore on his face was enough for you to oblige to this mundane idea, you wanted to see him happy and if you had to help him for that, you didn't mind getting into trouble, at least you would be happy to make his wish come true.

"Okay, if that's what you want, let's do it."

He smiled widely before getting in the stance of running before you stopped him. 

"On the count of three and we will make a run towards the left side of this cafe since I know some small streets which will lead us to a different part of this city and others won't be able to track us down for a while."

He nodded his head at you already feeling the adrenaline running in his veins way too exciting. 

"One, two, three, run."

He took one look at the busy cameraman and his assistant before holding your hand and making a run outside of the cafe and into his one day freedom.

▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️

"What do you mean by he ran away from the filming set with his fan?" 

Seungkwan heard his manager yell behind the door as he motioned the rest of the members to come towards him and listen to the conversation going on behind the door. 

"So you want to say he was talking with that fan and you were busy monitoring the clip and then when you went to explain to them about the further scene they disappeared and you tried looking for them but no one could find him or the fan?" 

The members looked at each other, their eyes widened unable to believe what they heard was true. 

"What am I going to tell PDnim? Of course I'm not going to tell him about this, he will cut my head off this isn't funny, he doesn't even has his phone with him, I know he'll be back all we can do is just wait, but I swear will give him an earful when he returns, I didn't expect this from him."

There was a long pause as the members exchanged looks with each other worriedly, what was going inside Joshua's mind to run away like that? Didn't he care about his image? Sometimes they couldn't understand their own member's antics. 

"I won't let this matter go up to PDnim, let's just tell him that we only shoot a short clip for the documentary because we were going to show a very little part of the date so it wasn't necessary for them to have a long date."

The door opened as all of the members stumbled inside the room and onto each other. 

"Yah Boo Seungkwan get off me!"

"Sorry Jeonghan Hyung but Jun Hyung is on top of me I can't."

"Lee Seokmin stop kicking my face!"

"I'm sorry I'm just trying to get up."

The manager just sighed before helping the members up, giving them a tired look as they waited for him to say anything. 

"Joshua ran away from the cafe he was supposed to have a date with the fan but both of them ran away and now everything is just a mess, he doesn't have his phone with him so we can't contact him, I know he'll come back soon but I'm going to scold him, he's one of the eldest he should be responsible and Seungcheol I want you to talk with him about this too."

"What goes inside his mind?" Seungcheol mumbled massaging his head, all of this information already giving him a headache. 

"If I was in his place I would have run away with her too, she's beautiful."

Everyone just glared at Seokmin who suddenly found a newfound interest in his shoes. 

"Let's just ask him about his adventure when he comes back, we all know he may have taken the chance to ease up his mind a bit, Joshua is responsible so he wouldn't do anything to ruin the group's image, let's go and relax,we don't get such free time frequently."

Everyone nodded their head at Jeonghan's word, retreating back to their respective rooms. 

[thirstofgames]

kitty and the jailbird

#️⃣2️⃣

-IT'S A MATCH-

A blank chat popped open and Damien stared at it for a second. He had honestly not expected it. The girl actually swiped him right. He looked at the clock impatiently; he did not have much time left in the library. There was a loud shout from the hallway, his muscles tensing, ready to hide the phone and bolt at any second.

He regretted that last question right as he pushed send. It sounded so bitter in his head now. It was a dating app after all and she was a good looking young woman.

you there?

...

hello?

busy flirting with your other matches, huh?

And there it was all about to end, the hot topic of his whereabouts. And the swift and cruel rejection that followed. It had already happened one too many times! Could he go through his again? Was it worth it? His palms were sweaty, but he never felt so cold. If the ground could just open up and swallow him whole before she finished asking... 

No, sorry

Just a little surprised we matched

you can unmatch if you want

Well, what I want is to talk with you 😊

Your profile caught my eye

what part?

Your profile pic at first.

Most guys can't pull off the broken, deep and scowling thing

But... looks good on you.

you don't look so bad yourself-

but then I read your description...

and I have to know something

shoot 🙄

It was a simple Yes/No question, but it took Kate way to long to answer. She bit her lip, thinking hard on the possibilities. It was such an unfair question though. She was not going to leave, but was not going to pursue anything with him until she knew what he was in for and how long he was going to be locked up. She'd wasted enough years waiting up on others... 

I'm just a little confused 🤔

Are you really in jail?

you gonna leave if I say yes?

It really depends...

A bittersweet smile spread on his lips. What was he expecting from a girl like her? She probably had a nice job, a supporting family and tons of friends and... an actual future. Why would she even consider wasting her time with him? The little time he had left... Better to just pull off the band aid!

She felt to bad! She hadn't meant to disregard his feelings, but wasn't it fair to let her know what she was getting into? She didn't even know what he was expecting from the conversation they were having... She was curious, but she didn’t want to lead him on.

okay, let's just say...

the orange pants and barbed wire are real

OMG

I have so mane questions 😱

here we go...

What did you do?

Wait, where do you even hide your phone?

STOP!

enough with the interrogation, alright?

I'm just curious...

sure, but i'm more than just a prisoner

a little respect goes a long way

Kate’s heart sank. He was hot, but the prison was a serious issue... She supposed people were not lining up to get to know him. He seemed pretty well rounded and mannered, but he was very defensive about his crime. Did that mean it was something really bad? But he was on a dating app... so maybe he was getting out soon? 

You're right!

I'm so sorry 😓

Let's change the subject

Why don't you tell me what you're looking for

hmmm

What?

i'm thinking...

nobody's really asked me that before

Seriously?

most people stop talking to me when they find out i'm locked up

i don't really blame them. i'm rough around the edges.

She didn't say anything for a while and Damien started wondering if he should just close the damn phone and leave. He should also probably take a break from Lovelink after this... it clearly wasn't doing him any good. Dark thoughts swarmed his mind and he had to close his eyes and head his head back against the bookshelf to get rid of the harrowing feeling. Like he was falling in an endless pit...  

The screen showed him typing and deleting several responses. Kate pursed her lips, impatient. Had she said anything wrong? She’d never spoken to someone who’d been locked up, she was still unsure what could trigger painful memories, or just remind him that he was... not free. But he said he just wanted to chat and his profile mentioned 'deep conversations'... 

Okay, I'm not running away, for now

but...

But I can't really make up my mind

If I don't know anything about you

So...

alright

honestly I'm just looking to talk to someone from the outside

it can get pretty boring in here, just waiting around the clock

Let's be friends then 😊

I'll be your window to the outside world

If that's alright with you...?

Damien sighed on the other end. Beggars can’t be choosers. It was a step in the right direction though. Maybe he was not going to find the love of his life at the very fucking end of said life. He was not living in some fairytale! He was still going to die, alone and forgotten.

But maybe... just a little less alone at the very end of his road. One friend meant more than none and maybe, just maybe... he could tell her his side of the story. Eventually. She seemed patient and understanding enough. Let at least one person out there know he did not murder his own father. 

sure

that's more than most

Of course a pretty thing like her got a lot on attention... She was only chatting up with him because the others were offline- 

but it must have been pretty bad to be such a long sentence

you still can't tell me what the crime was?

look, i've been making my own rules my whole life

you better ask what crimes I DIDN'T do

wow...

i'm no bragging or anything, just letting you know where I'm at

anyways, I'm more interested in what you're all about

what are you doing on an app like this?

Honestly...

I was about to uninstall it right before we matched 😅

Oh

you already found the one?

or no luck at all?

Well, I went on a few nice dates...

i see

Suddenly his experience on the app seemed less awful. Maybe it was not the right place. Or perhaps it was just the place for a misfit like him, here with all the weirdoes and con artists. 

And then they ditched me for their exes

Just my luck 😂

Oh and I swear to god if I see one more vampire 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄

vampires?

Yeees

You wouldn't believe some of the things I saw...

OMG, one dude was actually dresses up as a centaur

I...

don't even want to ask

There's also the 'prince' scam going around

Dudes claiming to be the heirs of some  

Made up countries and asking you for money

It wasn't quite a rejection, but it still hurt a little. She already mentioned twice she was only interested in him as friends. She didn't need to spell it out every few minutes! But she was the only one... 

Met some nice people too ☺️

Actually became good friends with some

Which is nice since I just moved here

were did you come from?

Pallay 💜

you're a long way from home

I know 😢

I suppose it was getting kinda lonely

My friends and family come visit when they can

But that's not a lot...

what brought you here?

Got a really good job opportunity

But I didn't quite realize how far away I'd be

So yeah, to answer your question from before...

I'm kinda just chatting with new people

Made more friends than anything else lol

Hope that's aright with you 🤗

A smile crept on his lips. An actual, genuine smile. How long had it been since he had any reason to? God, it felt good to talk to someone! Someone who didn't know him, who didn't shout 'walking corpse' after him, didn't judge him. He almost felt like his old self. Almost. 

i'm cool with that

Great!

Looking forward to getting to know you, Damien 😄

so let's get to it

tell me about yourself

hobbies, favorite food, anything

my hobbies are always changing 🤔

I start something new every month or so

Oh, and I started volunteering at a vet lately

🐱🐶💕

With a friend I made on this app

it suits you

Hmmmmm how would you know?

We've only just met

just a hunch

I could secretly be evil 😈

you couldn't hurt a fly

besides, I've seen evil and believe me

you're not it

I'm guessing you're not going to elaborate on that

Are you?

see, you know me so well already

Smartass 😝

 At lest until she finds out.

And I love food 🤤

Who doesn't? lol

But picking a favorite is like... impossible

I do have one hell of a sweet tooth  🍫🍬🍦

I'm soooo jealous

I miss making my own meals

That's right! You probably just have a cafeteria.

I'm so sorry 😓

it's cool

i'm glad we have something in common

Is there any food you miss?

Wait... was there even steak in that picture? Kate felt her ears burning, the fluffy pajamas studently itching at her skin.

just makin my own in general, being in charge in the kitchen

Damien scrolled quickly through his phone, the memories leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He nearly didn’t send the photo. It felt like so long ago, a different time...a different person. But it felt so good to remember! To be reminded of the more happier moments when he had all his life ahead of him! And showing her a piece of his past may make her curious enough to stick around for a while longer.

He hit Send.

-Tap to download photo-

Oh

Looks... delicious

you like steak? 

Oh yeah, the food 😳

Wish I could have a bite of that hahaha

So not so shy and innocent as she claimed. Good to know. Even if it didn’t lead anywhere, which he had to be realistic about - he was on death row after all - it was still fun. The most fun he’d had in a long while. It felt...nice.

HA!

i wish you could too 😏

The door of the library swung open hitting the opposite wall. The guard in charge could be heard arguing with someone. At least four voices. He had to move fast.

I'm really hungry now 😅

good

Kate stared at the screen, the little green light besides his profile picture going grey. She scrolled through the conversation as if to make sure she hadn’t just imagined it. She tapped the picture he’d sent, a small smile creeping on her lips. He looked so... normal. Well, more like smoking hot, but she expected some kind of dump, or some greasy repair shop, not Greek sculpture level abs. The boy should come with a warning! She was a sucker for bad boys, but had she gotten so bad that she was now considering a fucking convict? What if he was a murderer or something??

shit!

???

someone's coming

gotta hide my phone

talk soon

Be careful! 🙏🏻

Her ice cream, forgotten on the coffee table, had turned to soup.

What had she gotten herself into?

[dangan-happy]

[Orange juice is clearly the superior juice] To Hajime: I've had... Troubles with a friend lately. Or, more specifically, about my feelings for that friend.

She's great, she really is, but... I can't help but be envious of her. I've been depressed for many years, so I should really be thankful that she's stuck with me this far instead of being a cry baby, it's just that I can't help it. Not only does she excel at school, but also at sports. She has many friends, a good relationship with her parents, and even a boyfriend. Things are going great and, while I'm happy for her, I can't help but be a little bitter.

I mean, it's not like I want her to fail or I want to sabotage her, it just stings to see someone be able to have everything I was never able to get. Is it bad of me to be jealous?

I completely understand exactly what you’re saying and feeling here, anon. I mean, take it from a Reserve Course student who doesn’t even have an Ultimate and who’s always surrounded by those who do. Takes one to know one, in this case here.

Instead of wondering and seeing it as just bad, I’m viewing it as simply understandable and relatable, and that’s probably the best outlook to have on your envy. I get it; I truly do. It’s only natural that we instinctively compare ourselves to others who seem to be and have it better; others who seemingly have it all and have all the good things we could ever ask for or want. We see that they have all of these wonderful things, only to look in the mirror and only point out the lack of those things in our lives. As a result, you can’t help but feel bitter towards those who seem to have, as most would put it: ‘the good life’. But let me reassure you of something, anon, and I want you to listen real closely here. I understand what she has and who you are as a person, and that it’s really hard to not compare yourself to her, but no matter how she is or what she has, you’re just as amazing, valid, talented, and important, okay? She may be this or have that, but consider the things you have in your life; consider who you are as a person. Even if it’s just that one close friend of yours, like her or someone else entirely, or even if it’s just the fact that you’re really good at a certain subject, there’s always something to consider and cherish. And I know that you’ve been depressed for many years, but anyone with depression is a strong person, including you; that takes a lot of mental and emotional strength to deal with every, single day. So at the very least, acknowledge that strength of yours the way I do. Acknowledge the self value and self worth you already posses the way I do, because even if you don’t have an S/O or the best grades or anything like what she may have, you’re still you, anon. And that’s the way it should be. After all, a-as cheesy as this is, there’s only going to be one of you, y’know?

I-I hope some of that reassured you, even if just by a little bit. Like I said, I completely understand your situation here, so if you ever need anything else, just let me know, okay? Do take care now, anon.

[d-noona]

MAKE OVER

Chapter 7: Fairy God Mommy

Jung Hoseok x Reader

Reader as Kang Hyeonji

SUMMARY: When Kang Hyeonji transformed herself into a striking redhead, the entire male population of Seoul stood up and took notice. But her make over was for Jung Hoseok’s benefit alone. He began to show interest in the new look but not in the way she wanted. Suddenly he was over-protective, perhaps a little jealous. It seemed that the idea of having a relationship with her couldn’t be further from his mind. The girl however wants more. So it was time for an ultimatum. If Hoseok didn’t want Hyeonji to lose her virginity to another admirer, he had no option but to make love to her himself.

After that nothing could have made Hyeonji happy, not even when Mrs. Jung returned with her still apologetic mother in tow. Amazingly, Zil was thrilled by the idea of becoming Mrs Jung's cleaner, then estatic when Hoseok explained his refinancing offer.

"Isn't that wonderful news Hyeonji?" Her mother exclaimed. "Now we wont have to have a stranger in the house. And you'll have money for yourself for a change."

Hyeonji smiled and said yes, it was wonderful. She smiled all through lunch and laughed when the four of them moved Mrs Jung's living room furniture to new spots, then have to move everything back again to their original places when the end result did not please Mrs Jung's creative eye.

No one would have guessed how wretched Hyeonji felt. She was a past master at hiding her feelings, especially around Hoseok. But her heart grew heavier as the hours passed. By afternoon tea, she was exhausted with the emotional strain of pretending to be bright and breezy when inside she was shattered. Hoseok's getting back with Tinashe the following Sunday was the final straw.

His eagerness for their reconciliation had been palpable, his body language reeking of sexual frustration as he'd spoken of his time away from Tinashe. He could not wait to jump back into bed with her. Hyeonji could no longer fool herself. Any attention he'd been giving her had been the result of his boredom, not because of any suddenly selfless maturity.

"You won't forget about the refinancing," she reminded him stiffly when it came time for them to leave.

"Not at all. In fact, your mom is going to provide me the relevant papers this very afternoon. I'll collect them shortly, Zil, and have Sejin get onto it first thing this week, then I'll bring up whatever needs to be signed next Saturday." As Hoseok elaborates what he plans to have his secretary do.

"You coming home next Saturday, are you?" Hyeonji asked with a weary resignation. Normally, the thought of Hobi being around thrilled her to pieces. Now there was no pleasure in the news, only the cynical thought that of course he was coming home. Had nothing better to do till Sunday, did he?

"Yes, I've been invited to speak at a local business awards dinner on Saturday night. I'm also presenting the prizes" he says.

"How nice." Hyeonji answers blandly.

"Why don't you take Hyeonji, Hoseok?" His mother suggested. "The invitation says "and partner"."

Hoseok's instant frown was enough to turn Hyeonji off the idea, despite her stupid heart giving one last feeble leap. His eyes turned her way then travelled slowly over her. She could actually see his brain ticking away. Dear old Hyeonji doesn't look half bad now. She wouldn't be an embarrassment to take, not like she would have been a week ago.

"Would you like to go?" He asked her. "It's a black tie, so you'll need a dinner dress."

Hyeonji steeled herself to do the one thing she'd thought she would never do. Reject the man she loved. "Thank you Hobi," she said with superb indifference, "but I have other plans for next Saturday night."

His brown eyes instantly clouded a small stab of triumph lifted her spirits momentarily., quickly followed by a much stab of despair. Tears threatened and she just had to get out of there. Panic had her glancing around for her mother. "Ready to go home Mum?" She asked, determined to keep up the false gaiety to the bitter end. "I have quite a bit to do before the working week starts tomorrow."

"My working week starts tomorrow too, doesn't it Mrs Jung?" Zil returned happily.

"Indeed it does."

"Thank you so much," Zil went on, clasping her neighbor's hands with her own with rather touching gratitude. "For lunch. And...and everything."

Mrs Jung smiled and patted Zil's hands. "It's I who's grateful. I've found myself a wonderful cleaner and a new friend as well. See you in the morning Mrs Kang."

"And I'll be seeing you later Mrs Kang!" Hoseok called out as Hyeonji shepherded her mother out of the house. "To get those papers."

"What nice people they are," Zil said on the short way home. "And wasn't it kind of Hoseok to help us out with that money business?"

"Yes, it was." Hyeonji admitted, but tight-lipped.

A silence descended between the two women as they made their way inside, but Hyeonji could feel her mother watching her.

"Why didn't you say yes when Hoseok asked you to go out with him?" Zil asked once they were safely alone in the kitchen. "It...it wasn't because of what I said earlier, was it? About not being...well...pretty enough for him? Because that's not true, Hyeonji. You're plenty pretty enough. And he really likes you. I can see that now. He could hardly take his eyes off you all over lunch, and then later he..."

"Oh Mum, please," Hyeonji begged. "You don't have to lie. You were right the first time."

"No, darling. I wasn't. I was wrong. Very wrong. And I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself. I was feeling sorry for myself, and I was afraid. Yes, afraid." She repeated when Hyeonji's eyes widened. "Afraid some man would snap you up, looking as you do now, and I'd be left all alone in this world."

"But today opened my eyes there's Mrs Jung, a widow like myself, but she doesn't sit around feeling sorry for herself. Besides her writing, she plays golf and bingo and bridge. And she doesn't tie that boy of hers to her apron-strings, either. I can see its up to me to make something of my life for myself. I know becoming a cleaner isnt much but at least I'm good at it, and it's a start. I might even go to that hair dresser of yours with some of my cleaning money and become a blonde!"

"Oh Mum!" Hyeonji exclaimed, a burst of very real joy dragging her heart back out of the doldrums. "You've no idea how happy you made me, hearing you say that."

"Do you forgive me for saying those awful things to you, my dear? I didn't mean them, you know."

Hyeonji couldnt help but relent. "Of course, I forgive you," she said gently. "I love you Mom."

"Oh Hyeonji," her mother crude, and threw her arms around her daughter.

Unfortunately , it was not the best of time for Hyeonji to be hugged. Her mother's display of affection tipped her over the edge on which she'd been balancing for several hours., splintering the brittle control which she'd been holding in her misery. Her shoulders began to shake as sobs racked her whole body. "Oh my daughter," her mother groaned, and hugged her even more tightly. "Dont cry, darling. Please dont cry. Oh, you make me feel terrible. If only I hadn't said those awful things, you would have probably gone out with Hoseok when he asked you. It's my fault!"

"No, it isn't," Hyeonji sniffled when she at last pulled out of her mother's arms. "Hoseok only asked me out because Tinashe's trying to prove some point or other and she's refused to have anything to do with him for a month. But come next Sunday they'll be back together again, as thick as thieves. Who knows? If she plays her cards right he might even ask her to marry him."

"What rubbish!" Her mother pronounced firmly, startling Hyeonji. "Hoseok is not in love with that flashy bit of goods. No man in love with one girl looks at another girl as he looked at you today."

Hyeonji was dumbfounded. "But I...I didn't notice him looking at me in a special way..."

"Then you're as blind as he is, my girl. You made a big mistake refusing to go out with him next Saturday night. Now listen here; when he comes over to pick up those papers, you tell him you've changed your mind and you'd like to go after all."

"But...but..." Hyeonji stammered.

"NO buts. You said he's not getting back with that Tinashe till Sunday. Make the most of what time you have!" Zil pushed Hyeonji with both her arms on her waist.

"I was just going to say I don't have anything to wear," Hyeonji smiled weakly.

"Well, that's easily fixed."

"How? Hoseok's accountant can't get us anymore money immediately. And I'm not taking the cleaning money you earn, Mom. No way. One hundred dollars wouldnt be nearly enough anyway," she added with a sad sigh. "A dinner dress, complete with shoes and bag doesn't come cheap these days."

"Would five hundred dollars do?"

"Five hundred! But where?... I mean..." Hyeonji surprised at her mother.

Zil smiled her pleasure at her daughter's surprise. "You're not the only one who has rainy-day money stashed away, my girl. Come this way."

Hyeonji followed, fascinated, while her mother led her upstairs and into the master bedroom where she proceeded to lift up the mattress and draw out a battered brown paper envelope. She opened the flap and tipped the contents out onto the patchwork quilt. Notes of all sizes fluttered down, mostly fives, tens and twenties.

"I used to hide this is an empty washing powder box in the laundry when your father was alive. But now its safe enough out here. I know there's at least five hundred dollars, maybe more." She gathered the money up and pressed them into Hyeonji's hands. "I want you to buy yourself a dress which will knock Hoseok's eyes out!"

Hyeonji hated the wild rush of elation ehich flooded her heart, for she feared she was setting herself up for a disaster of monumental proportions. No matter what her mother said and no matter what dress she brought, how could she seriously compete with Tinashe? It was like comparing a nice little house wine with a top brand french champagne. Tinashe's extravagant self fizzed sparkled. She was special-occassion lady whereas she, was the common, everyday, value for money variety.

When Hoseok looked at her he only ever saw a familiar face. And everyone knew what familiarity bred. Contempt. Never chemistry.

Or was that how he'd seen her in the past? Dared she hoped that her new look had evoked a new appreciation? Hyeonji had told the truth when she'd said she hadn't notice Hoseok looking at her differently today. But after his news about Tinashe she'd been too upset to notice anything, and had avoided Hoseok's eyes as much as possible.

Could her mother's observations possibly be correct, or was she just trying to make her daughter feel better? She'd been guilty over her earlier less than generous remarks. Hyeonji didn't want to keep her hopes up. And yet, something was stirring within her soul. Something she'd never felt before. Something rather wicked.

Tinashe had called her a sly piece. Maybe she was right, Hyeonji thought with a steeling of her spirit. Because I am not going to go quietly, Tinashe, darling. Neither am I going to let you have Hoseok back without a fight. Come Saturday night, I'm going to use every female trick in the book.

The trouble was...she hadn't read that particular book yet. She would have to depend on her feminine instinct. The front doorbell ringing startled both of them. "That'll be Hoseok," Zil said urgently. "Now drop that money and go down and talk to him while I get those papers he wants. Tell him you've changed your mind about Saturday night, and ask him what time he wants you ready by. Be cool, though. Not overly eager."

Hyeonji shocked at her mother "Mum, you sneaky thing!"

"Well there is no point in being easy. Any girl who looks as good as you do can pkay a little hard to get. Besides, men never want what they think they can have, gratis. They like a bit of a challenge."

Hyeonji went down stairs shaking her head. Who would have believed that within her own shy reserved mother lurked the makings of a femme fatale? Heaven knew what would happen if the Kang widow became a blonde!

Hyeonji summoned up a pleasant smile to answer the door, resolving to watch this time for any sign that Hoseok looked at her differently in any way.

"Hello there again," she said. "Mum wont be a minute with those papers. Look, about next Saturday night Hobi, that was rude of me to dismiss your very nice invitation out of hand. I know what its like to go to these things alone..."

She didn't actually, because she's never been to an awards dinner. But Hyeonji had never lacked imagination. Just think of all those times Hosoek had made lover to her in her mind. Unfortunately, she began thinking of one those times right at this moment. It was her favorite scenario where Hoseok was concerned. He would bring her home to this door after a serious date and there would be much kissing and panting on the front porch. When she finally unlocked the door, he would push her inside, then scoop her up into his arms and carry her upstairs to her room where a three-foot bed was no barrier to true love.

Her mouth dried as she thought of their naked bodies blended tightly, writhing together. Her brown eyes glittered as they began unconsciously to rove over the object of her desire. Before they reach his waist, Hyeonji swallowed then cleared her throat. "Er...could I possibly change my mind and say yes?"

He stiffened. He actually stiffened. Why?

"Is there a problem with that?" She asked airily, even while her heart was thudding. He stood there frowning at her. The atmosphere on that doorstep was suddenly charged with a quite alien tension. Hyeonji didnt know what to make of it except that she found herself holding her breath.

"Hobi?" She choked out.

He seemed to have to shake himself to answer her. "No." He muttered. "No problem. I'll look forward to it."

Hyeonji had to be careful not to let all her breath out of her lungs in a rush. "Fine," she said with a small smile. "Well, where is this dinner and what time should I be ready?"

"Its being held down at the League's Club, in the Admiral's Quarters. The dinner starts at eight. Pre-drinks at seven thirty. I'll pick you up at...say...seven?"

Hyeonji nodded "I'll be ready. And thanks again for helping us with the finance business."

"My pleasure." He answered.

But it didn't look as if it was his pleasure. Not at all. He hadn't smiled once since she'd opened the door. Hyeonji could not make head or tail of his mood, except that it was obvious he had mixed feelings about taking her to that dinner.

She prayed his reluctance was because he'd begun to feel things for her which he found confusing, and not because Tinashe might get jealous if she ever found out. Her mother's arrival at that point steered the conversation to a less stressful grounds. Hoseok left a couple of minutes later and as Zil closed the front door she threw Hyeonji a questioning glance. "Well? What happened? You both seemed tense when I came down."

Hyeonji shrugged. "I don't really know. I told him I changed my mind about the dinner, and he agreed to take me, but not with great enthusiasm. To be honest, I think it worried the heck out of him."

"Well that's better than indifference, Hyeonji."

Nodding her head Hyeonji agreed "That's what I was thinking."

Zil patted her daughter's back "Only time will tell."

Chapter 08

Masterlist

[unmanageable-day]

[11.09AM]

"This is so weird, okay? I can't believe my friend is dating my older sister." Johnny nagged as he opened the door and found Jaehyun flashing a wide smile in front of his house.

"I love you too, Johnny," Jaehyun answered, chuckling and handing him over a bag of cheese burger. He entered Johnny's house casually without even waiting for the owner to let him in.

"Don't you think you can bribe me," Johnny said dramatically, yet his hands were already busy opening the paper bag. "Vivian! Jaehyun is here!" he called for his sister.

"I can hear you clearly, Johnny, you don't have to shout like that," his sister hissed as she went out from her room, being dramatic as well but less dramatic than her brother. "And, Seo Youngho, didn't I tell you to not call me Vivian?" She approached her giant little brother and gave him light slaps on his arm. She wanted to pinch his cheeks or ears, but Johnny was saved because he was much taller.

"Okay, okay. I get it, Ayoung noona," he whined that he gave Jaehyun eye signal to get his sister out quickly.

Jaehyun chuckled at the usual bickering scene between Ayoung and Johnny. Ayoung turned to Jaehyun who were ready to greet her with a smile that his dimples popped out. "You ready?"

Ayoung nodded, also smiling wide at her date.

"Speaking of which, it would be nice too if you call me with my real name, instead of Jaehyun," Jaehyun shyly said once they hopped into Jaehyun’s car.

Ayoung smiled at him. "Okay, Yuno."

Jaehyun, aka Yuno let his hand slowly reached Ayoung's before he turned on the car machine. His expression couldn't lie when he got to hear his name called with such a sweet, loving voice.

[11.42PM]

"I don't want to say good bye," Yuno muttered as he tightened his grip on Ayoung's hand. He stopped by at a park with playground nearby Ayoung’s house after spending a great time at an underground jazz café.

"Why don't you go with me upstairs? I'm sure Johnny is still wide awake."

"And let Johnny hyung beat me up? No, thank you," he joked.

Ayoung chuckled.

"This is perfect anyway," Yuno said as he scanned the surrounding. The playground was completely empty as the time showed past eleven at night. After making sure nobody around, Yuno slightly pulled her closer and sneaked his arms around Ayoung's waist. "And I can't do this if Johnny is around," he whispered as he, bending his lower body to match her eye level, put his forehead against Ayoung's.

Thanks to the night sky, Ayoung could hide her blushing cheeks. She only drew a shy smile as she tried to look at Yuno in the eyes, her hands holding onto his upper arms.

The lovebirds, drowning in each other's minds, spent minute after minute without words in the same position until their phones rang at the same time, startling both of them. Yuno let loose his embrace, but didn't completely let go of his girl. After taking his phone out of his pocket, he put one arm around Ayoung's shoulder and let her lean on him.

"Wow, the group chat is a mess at this hour. And Johnny is already threating me," told Yuno while scrolling up and down his phone screen.

"He is indeed. Should I tell him we're here?" she playfully asked as she found Johnny's rants via text in her phone as well.

"You gotta be kidding."

Ayoung chuckled as she hugged him from the side. "Aigoo, our Yuno~"

Again, he blushed from hearing his name called.

"It's almost 12. You should go back home, Yuno." She affectionately fixed Yuno's fringe. "Or... how about staying over?" she teased again.

Yuno chuckled this time. "If sleepover, I'll go with Doyoung and Mark so Johnny won't go after me."

"Okay, I'll invite the others for dinner tomorrow, and you can stay over."

[6.25PM]

Ayoung was busy cooking in the kitchen after managed to trick Johnny to go grocery shopping. She also succeeded surprising him that they were going to host a dinner with his buddies. So now he was made use for his labor to tidy up the living room and arrange the tables and plates.

"Remind me again why do we suddenly hold a dinner event?" he groaned as he pushed the sofa to one side.

"Just think of it as a late birthday party for you, since I wasn't around and you were busy as well," she blabbered.

"Okay, that doesn't make any sense. What's with the other guys?"

"It's just the form of my gratitude to them for taking good care of you." Ayoung basically just said anything. She knew everything came out of her mouth did not make any sense at all. "Anyway, our mom and Taeyong's mom just sent us a lot of food. You and I know very well we don't eat often at home. So it's best to share, right?"

Johnny shut his mouth, kind of agree-not-agree. "You're being ridiculously nice after going out with Jaehyun," he mocked, which got himself a loving silence treatment.

Taeyong, Doyoung, Ten and Mark came first. Both Johnny and Ayoung welcomed them cheerfully and gave them a big hug as if they hadn't met for so long, while they literally just saw each other 3 days ago. Taeil, Haechan, Yuta and Yuno came a bit later. Both house owner greeted their guests the same way, yet after Taeil, Haechan and Yuta, Johnny blocked Ayoung's way to Yuno. Instead, Johnny didn't let Yuno go from his bear hug. Ayoung just rolled her eyes and left her brother with her boyfriend.

"I know you miss me but can you please let go of me now?" Yuno spoke in the midst of searching for some oxygen.

"I'm not letting you go today," Johnny said with a scary aegyo as he slightly dragged Yuno to the living room with a bit force.

"He really gets jealous ever since you start dating with Jaehyun, Noona," Taeyong commented, giggling at the two giants fighting over nothing.

"You mean being overprotective even more than he already is," she scoffed as she took out fruits from the fridge.

Mark who was next to Taeyong went straight for the watermelon that Ayoung already prepared specially for him. Just because she was very fond of the baby brother.

"It is still funny that he never changes his profile photo, so everyone still thinks he's not single," Mark added as he stuffed his mouth with watermelon cubes. The photo Mark mention was pretty much a public secret. It was a picture of her and Johnny at a beach, taken several years ago during a family vacation, with a pose that didn't really portray siblings relationship. Johnny's arm circling around Ayoung's waist, his smiling face captured in candid, and Ayoung resting her hand on Johnny's upper belly while showing her side body profile but her face beaming directly into the camera. Anybody would absolutely misunderstand them for being a couple. Not to mention the outfit they wore in the photo had similar patterns.

Ayoung could only let out a bitter laugh. Johnny intentionally put that picture as his profile in chat messenger, so he could make an excuse if there's anyone suggested him for a blind date. These boys knew Ayoung had the same picture as her profile, and they laughed at her and it was all thanks to Johnny who always changed Ayoung's profile, to the extent Ayoung was too frustrated to change it again. So she just let Johnny do whatever he wanted. It kinda 'helped' her in a way that no men messed with her. Same with her brother, at least nobody interfered her love life and told her to go for a blind date. If someone asked about the guy in the photo, she could just make up some stories that they were in long distance relationship.

And one day came Jung Jaehyun, boldly brought himself before her and asked her out while no one dared because of her brother. The boys were pretty amused because Johnny often joked that he wouldn't introduce his sister to any of his members. He preferred someone older and he always mentioned someone like Kim Suho or Do Kyungsoo. That was pretty much the history explaining the current condition of the complicated relationship between Johnny and Jaehyun.

"Yo, Jay," Ten greeted Jaehyun who finally managed to escape.

"Thank goodness Lucas and the little brothers rang the bell," Yuno exhaled deeply as he joined the others. He immediately approached Ayoung who was deeply engaged in conversation with Taeyong,

Mark and Doyoung. "Hey," he greeted.

"Yuno," Ayoung brightly greeted him back and went into his arms. He smiled warmly at her and totally forgot for a second that it wasn't only the two of them in the room.

"Omo.. did she just say 'Yuno'?" Doyoung gasped dramatically.

"'Yuno'?" Ten repeated loudly and he couldn't help but cackling. The others started to parrot him and the name 'Yuno' was echoing.

"Vivian Seo! I did not raise you to behave like this!" Johnny exclaimed from the other corner in the room. His hands were on his waist, officially starting the drama. But everyone in the room couldn't really hold their laughter, including Jung Yuno who was safe in Ayoung's care.

Ayoung herself? She pretended not to hear him as she scooted even closer against Yuno, publicly showing affection, cuddling with him just to make Johnny even more frustrated. She even merong-ed at her younger brother several times.