#and all of the LOLOMG knows it

[just-an-enby-lemon]

People talk about a reality where Zolf made a better first impression and is on Campbells books and that's amazing but I present:

SASHA made a good first impression. In fact she was the only suport Campbell had during his horrible no good airship travel. So instead of Zolf being oblivious to his presence as this interesting new dwarf protagonist, Zolf reads about Shasta Bracket and smiles and cries as she mentions her very odd and akward dwarf friend, Azu reads Shasta Bracket and sadly smilles thinking about all the lifes Sasha touched, Wilde reads Shasta Bracket and suddently Zolf's infodumps aren't the only reason he keeps reading Campbell, Barnes reads Shasta Brackett and remembers about a fierce woman that was almost his friend until he arrested her friend and she refused to interact with a traitor.

[iguessmyfishisgay]

It's officially New Year's so here's some RQG New Years headcanons that I'm coming up with as I write this

I still haven't finished the campaign but I'm so close to that I'm gonna put the headcanons under read more so no one gets spoilers

Thought about it a little and I'm gonna do 3 groups: LOLOMG (Zolf, Bertie, Hamid, and Sasha), Cairo2Rome (Grizzop, Azu, Hamid, and Sasha), and End Game (Zolf, Azu, Hamid, and Cel). NPCs like Oscar and James will pop up as they pop into my head

LOLOMG

Hamid hosts because duh?

His flat is quite roomy and fits all five of them comfortably

Yes, five. Because Oscar Wilde showed up and Hamid was too polite to turn him away

As a gesture of good will he swore nothing he heard that night would make it into a page

Zolf was promised some good drinks and drinks he has, though he doesn't let himself get hammered

Hamid hires a caterer but carries the food around on a plater himself

Sasha takes the whole platter and hides with it for the first half of the night, before warming up eventually (even if it's just a little)

The more drunk Bertie gets the more his political views sway in the other direction?

At one point he even says something supportive about poverty relief and liveable wages

Don't ask him about it in the morning, he won't remember (or claims not to)

As host, Hamid spends most of his time puttering around and checking on his guests

But once everyone has assured him he's fine he grabs some drinks and tries to get to know people better

Of course he doesn't let himself get too intoxicated, that would be impolite of a host

Tell me I'm wrong if you want but Sasha would jump at the chance to teach anyone how to throw knives if they asked, no matter who

So when Wilde expresses an interest she's giddy and pulling out all her favorite blades to show him

As the night draws to a close and the count down begins, somehow Hamid has managed to get everyone in one place and with a drink in their hands

They all count down and toast, staying up for about another hour before heading home or taking Hamid's offer to stay the night (he has lots of chairs, couches, pillows and blankets. Even the floor is quite comfy)

That got quite long oops (⁠・⁠–⁠・⁠;⁠)⁠ゞ so I'll do separate posts for the other two groups. I'm so tired though so those won't be till tomorrow. Happy New Year everyone!

[asexualgilliontidestrider]

Grips my rqg/JRWI au in my hands so hard the atoms split apart and it turns into dust.

I just think it would be cool if some magical weirdness happened when the LOLOMG (sans bertie as he was on the train) were sailing across the channel and the boat capsized and they ended up in the JRWI riptide universe…. It wouldn’t be the first time the riptide pirates have picked up some random people floating face down on some driftwood and I think it would just be so fun….

Just the conflicting running jokes. England doesn’t exist in the riptide universe and English is a dialect called finglish spoken by an undersea country of sea elves. All the magic that zolf and Hamid are used to coming from a pathfinder based universe is just a little wonky, and zolf gets the rome effect where Poseidon just…. Isn’t there. Just dead air.

Sasha and chip bond over missing fingers and being rogue orphans. Hamid and gillion discuss taxes and a bit of hamid’s soul dies as he watches gillion just throw an armful of gold off the edge of the ship “to pay sea taxes. You know, because of the gold fish”. Hamid is violently sea sick and zolf is slightly on edge with his past experiences with a pirate crew and the loss of his leg during that time. Jay chats with Sasha about her retractable wrist blades and the mechanics of them, ollie (5’1) is a 12 year old half elf and still taller than hamid (3’4). Old man Earl absolutely takes the piss out of Hamid for being so short because they’re both halflings and the fact that Hamid is short for even a halfling would probably be funny to him. The LOLOMG seem a little perturbed when they watch said 5’1 12 year old pick up one of the captains that are at least a head and shoulders taller than him and haul them over the edge of the boat as a “prank”.

They see Alphonse and comment that it’s weird to see an automata like that outside of places like france and japan and get blank stares from the crew of the albatross as they say that he came from Edison kingdom and the LOLOMG are just like EDISON ? LIKE THOMAS EDISON ?? THE INVENTOR OF THE SIMULACRUM??????? And the riptide pirates are like what lol no just like. The place. That one floating city, you know? And Hamid is like ??? The only floating city I’ve seen is Prague university what.

The riptide pirates ask what island they were trying to get to on their boat and zolf tells them they were trying to get to france and once again blank stares. No idea what they’re on about. Chip asks no like what sea were you from. Like. West Sea North Sea East Sea South Sea or what. And zolf just stares at them trying not to think he just died and this is hell.

I just feel like the riptide crew is so cartoonishly varied and colourful compared to the rqg party with their half elves and humans and panda folk and tritons and warforged and halflings all dressed in bright colourful clothing and flying a customised Jolly Roger flag. Queen and Hamid would probably be best friends. Sasha would probably find chip either a chill guy to hang out with or completely fucking unbearable. Otherwise she would probably hang around Alphonse and just talk to him about the world and what it’s like. Zolf and gryffon would probably talk prosthetics at least once and they’d probably quietly enjoy each others company. Zolf would probably enjoy hanging out with drey too, seeing as though he’s a 50 year old dwarf who probably wouldn’t have much patience for anyone under Sasha’s age (23)

I feel like if I allowed bertie into this au he would just get thrown into the ocean and drown instantly because he would be like quietly mysoginistic to Jay once and ollie would fling him over the railings of the ship

[esperanzagalaxy]

anyone would call them the rackett twins, if they cared to look long enough

[srapsodia]

sad hugs.. they Care for each other so much;;

[thatoneaceinthecorner]

And here it is! My updated “loads of hitpoints” compilation, which is included in the LOLOMG fan project by @towga. There’s a full (and very long) transcript under the cut, which can also be found in the zine, so go check that out and give the rest of the zine a look while you’re there! Here’s to the magnificent chaos that was Rusty Quill Gaming, all the amazing talented people in the fandom, and sixteen glorious minutes of my favorite running joke in the series.

[Dice roll]

ALEX: What’s your AC?

BRYN: Uh, thirteen?

ALEX: Uh, it will be a hit, I believe.

BRYN: Yeah, of course it will.

[Pause]

BRYN: Why am I standing next to an enemy?

BEN: Because you—

LYDIA: (simult) Because Hamid wants to be a hero and you roleplay well!

ALEX: (overlapping) Also, what spell were you gonna cast?

BRYN: Magic Missile.

ALEX: Ah, fair.

[Dice roll]

LYDIA: Oh no.

ALEX: (overlapping) And deals almost the highest he can roll, a five.

BRYN: Five damage?

ALEX: Yup.

BRYN: It’s cool, I’ve got loads of hitpoints now.

[James laughs]

ALEX: Ah, you rested, and you slept, and all of the things.

-

[Lydia laughing loudly]

ALEX: Okay cool, let’s roll some damage, then.

[Helen gives a long laugh]

BEN: It’s alright, we’ve got loads of hitpoints.

[Helen continues laughing while dice roll in the background]

LYDIA: Yeah, falling damage actually really hurts.

-

BEN: Oh no I have loads of hitpoints, I’m—I can’t one-shot myself. [laughs] So this is fine.

[Dice rolls]

BEN: Aw, especially not with a roll like that!

-

ALEX: Grizzop takes twenty-three damage.

BEN: That’s fine, I got loads of hitpoints.

ALEX: Yeah, I know you do. That’s why I’ve got to punish you in different ways.

-

ALEX: (dramatically) Lydia. Is right to be concerned!

LYDIA: (overlapping) Yeah?

HELEN: What do you mean?

ALEX: Your large axe sweeps into the creature, a fine torso hit, that schlorps through it, gashes Zolf hard—

[Lydia hisses]

HELEN: Noooo!

ALEX: Dealing him thirty-two points of damage and out the other side.

BEN: Azu it’s fine, I got loads of hitpoints.

[Everyone laughs, Bryn makes a sound of despair]

ALEX: And I’ll end the episode there!

[Laughing and sounds of despair continue, Lydia screeches]

ALEX: I’m so happy that you keep critting on creatures specifically designed to punish you for it!

BRYN: (simult) You’re so cruel! You’re so cruel!

BEN: Sorry, just, just—just very quickly I would like to, uh, make a point of order—I’ve got fifty hitpoints left, it’s fine.

LYDIA: Left? You’ve got fifty hitpoints left? What?

BEN: (simult) Yes! I’ve got eighty-two hitpoints!

ALEX: Let’s be clear—

BEN: I’m such a beefy boy!

 -

ALEX: I mean, it’ll probably break on its own eventually.

BEN: Here we go again!

ALEX: (laughing) Okay.

HELEN: Ah!

[Dice roll]

BEN: Loads of hitpoints.

ALEX: Another lightning strike!

BEN: (whispering) He can’t kill me.

[Alex laughs, sound of many dice rolling]

ALEX: I don’t like that I can roll this many d6 and Ben’s like, “don’t care, mate.”

BEN: I mean, it’ll hurt, but—

[Dice roll on the table]

ALEX: You’ve been struck by lightning twice!

-

ALEX: Plus—

BEN: Wha?

ALEX: Yeah, people can—people can keep talking as the effects keep stacking up.

HELEN: Uh oh.

BEN: It’s alright, I got loads of hitpoints.

-

ALEX: Uh, that’s absolutely a good call.

LYDIA: Because since the things I have are kind of explode-y, I do not want to hurt—

ALEX: (interrupting) Correct.

BEN: Go for it, I’ve got loads of hitpoints!

-

ALEX: It hits.

HELEN: Oh no!

BEN: I haven’t got a very good AC.

[Dice roll, followed by a pause]

BEN: (whispering) Got loads of hitpoints.

LYDIA: Yeah, we know, Ben!

HELEN: (simult) Stop saying that! It’s betrayed us before!

BEN: (simult) I will say it—I will say it until I’m dead.

ALEX: Bryn—Bryn, I’m gonna need you to maths for me on the rapid.

BRYN: Right.

BEN: I may not have loads of hitpoints.

-

BEN: He’s a wrong’un, isn’t he audience, don’t you think?

LYDIA: (overlapping) He—he’s a wrong’un.

HELEN: (simult) Yeah!

ALEX: See, Ben’s laying it on all thick ‘cause people know how—how he reacts when characters die, now. 

BRYN: Didn’t—I mean, Azu literally also just—

BEN: (simult) Oh, I got loads of hitpoints.

-

HELEN: Everyone around me just wants to throw themselves into danger—

BEN: No, it’s fine, I have loads of healy—

HELEN: (interrupting) Shut up, Ben!

[Everyone laughs]

BRYN: When you say everyone, you mean Ben.

-

ALEX: Nineteen.

BEN: Round up or down?

ALEX: Round down, in this situation.

BEN: Cool, eight. I got loads of hitpoints!

-

ALEX: None of you notice any difference in the water level, or behavior of the water in any way.

HELEN: Weird.

[Ben sighs]

BEN: Right. I’ve got loads of hitpoints. Um—

[Helen laughs]

LYDIA: I don’t!

BEN: (simult) I stick my head—stick my head above water.

-

ALEX: Hits.

BEN: (whispering) Got loads of hitpoints.

HELEN: (whispering) Stop saying that.

BEN: No.

-

BEN: Only half of that fluid’s gone, so send in the second monster!

ALEX: Yesss!

LYDIA: (simult) What? No!

HELEN: (simult) No!

BRYN: Bye!

[Everyone laughs nervously]

ALL: Bye!

BEN: I’ve got loads of hitpoints left.

[Helen laughs]

-

[Helen laughing]

BEN: I’ll just get hit by a trap, it’s fine. I’ve got loads of hitpoints.

HELEN: Noooo!

[Bryn laughs, Lydia screeches]

ALEX: In Ben’s defense, he does now have—

BEN: I’ve got loads of hitpoints.

ALEX: (overlapping) Loads of hitpoints.

BEN: (simult) I’ve got ninety-two whole hitpoints!

LYDIA: That is—

HELEN: How come you’ve got more than me? I’m—

BEN: Uh, I’ve got a big con score.

HELEN: Oh.

-

ALEX: Skraak looks ready to murder Zolf.

HELEN: Oooh! Azu steps between Skraak and Zolf.

BEN: Good luck, I’ve got loads of hitpoints.

-

BEN: I’ve got loads of hitpoints!

ALEX: You are not Zolf. This character is injured by lightning.

BEN: (simult) I’ve got loads of hitpoints!

HELEN: You’re not beefy!

ALEX: Decision time.

BEN: I’m pretty—pretty beefy girl.

BRYN: (simult) Pretty beefy, yeah.

-

[Dice rolling over the top of Alex speaking]

ALEX: Hear this?

HELEN: Ohhh.

ALEX: (simult) This is the sound of my favorite type of damage, it’s—it takes a little bit of engineering, but—

BEN: (overlapping) The deadliest kind of damage in any system ever.

[Dice continue rolling]

HELEN: Yeah.

BEN: S’alright I got loads of hitpoints.

[Helen snorts]

ALEX: And what was your athletics check, just to let me confirm?

BRYN: (simult) Hey guess what?

BEN: (simult) Fourteen.

ALEX: (simult) Excellent.

[Dice rolling]

BRYN: Guess what, Ben? I’m a beefy boy.

BEN: (delighted) Are you a beefy boy?

[Bryn laughs]

-

ALEX: No.

BEN: (sadly) Oh.

ALEX: You failed.

BEN: (overlapping) Fair enough.

[Helen chuckling]

ALEX: You failed the check and he’s a beefy, beefy boy.

BRYN: I’m a beefy boy.

[Alex laughs]

BEN: S’alright, it’s only eleven damage, got loads of hitpoints left.

HELEN: Ohhh.

ALEX: I’m glad you have that attitude, because I think what we’re gonna do is—

BEN: (interrupting) No I literally, mechanically have loads of hitpoints.

ALEX: (simult) I know—

-

BEN: Well, I mean, I’m gonna knock and then open the door, ‘cause all she’s gonna say is go away, but she then might shoot me. But that’s probably gonna be—that’ll be fine.

[Alex wheezes]

HELEN: Uh—

LYDIA: Got a lotta hitpoints.

BEN: Got loads of hitpoints.

ALEX: (laughing) Got loads of hitpoints.

[Everyone laughs quietly]

HELEN: Um—

BEN:(simult) She—I mean, look, she cannot one-shot me, so we’re all good.

[Ben and Lydia laugh]

HELEN: You said that in your Zolf voice.

BEN: Yeah, I know.

[Helen laughs]

HELEN: Okay.

-

ALEX: I mean you say that, I’m fairly certain you’re playing the splattered remains of Zolf Smith.

BEN: Uhhh, uh it depends, how many hitpoints have I got left?

LYDIA: (simult) He’s got loads of hitpoints.

BEN: (simult) It’s loads. Looaads of hitpoints.

[Helen laughing]

ALEX: Okay, I’m gonna roll, I do—oh, exactly one more hitpoint than the number of hitpoints you’ve got.

BEN: Oh go on, take a guess, how many is that then, Alex?

ALEX: Ninety … two.

BEN: Ha! I’m on zero, not minus one, screw you.

ALEX: Oh come on, that was a good guess, though!

BEN: (overlapping) Yeah you actually guessed my hitpoints, that was very good.

[Bryn and Lydia laugh]

-

ALEX: And I’m assuming that Zolf basically doesn’t have anything at all, ‘cause he’s, you know, he’s got—he’s got loads of hitpoints, why bother?

-

BEN: Okay. I feel like at that point, I’m gonna go in, ‘cause, I’m—I’m magic, so what the hell are they gonna do?

[Lydia laughs]

LYDIA: I got loads of hitpoints!

BEN: I’ve got—I’ve got loads of horrible spells!

-

ALEX: I’d like to start this episode with everyone giving me a will save, please.

BEN: (overlapping) Yaaay!

HELEN: (simult) Ugh.

[Dice rattling]

BEN: It’s fine, I’ve got loads of will points.

-

ALEX: There’s no aggression there, but she is just … sinking them into your hand without, uh, realizing she’s doing so.

BEN: (overlapping) S’alright, I got loads of hitpoints.

[Everyone laughs]

ALEX: It’s true! You have got loads of hitpoints, it’s true.  

BRYN: (overlapping) Sometimes people just wanna hear the classics!

BEN: She couldn’t one-shot me with a shotgun, she’s not gonna one-shot me with her hands!

[Alex laughs]

-

BEN: That’s fine. You have character classes, you’ll be fine, like. You’ve got the hitpoints.

BRYN: You’ve got—you’ve got loads of hitpoints.

[Lydia chuckles]

BEN: Yeah.

-

AZU: I know someone who got hit by lightning, like … three times.

[Lydia chuckles]

CARTER: Wow!

LYDIA: Still had loads of hitpoints!

[Everyone laughs, someone claps]

-

ALEX: Well done, all of you.

HELEN: Thank you.

ALEX: (overlapping) There was a version of events where you wouldn’t all manage it, and I thought I’d give you a challenge you can’t solve with a dice, or—quote, “all the hitpoints.”

[Helen and Bryn laugh]

LYDIA: Yeah. I think all of us, all of us—

BEN: (simult) Where we’re going we don’t need hitpoints.

-

BEN: Oooh, that’s bad!

BRYN: I would like to state for the record … that I do not have loads of hitpoints!

[Ben laughs, Lydia groans]

HELEN: How many hitpoints do you have?

BRYN: Fifty-one.

BEN: Oooh, that could—mmm. We’re in the danger zone.

-

ZOLF: Zolf “still got loads of hitpoints” Smith.

CEL: Cel, actually better than usual, ‘cause I—I beast-morphed into a massive bat thing with a big wolfy snout, and teeth and claws, so I got—I got tons of hitpoints, uh, now, um. So, you know, and uh—Sidebottom, yeah.

-

BEN: So we’d have had, like a—you know, big fight, or something, but—

LYDIA: We got loads of hitpoints.

[Alex laughs]

BEN: They—they weren’t player characters, and therefore they died.

-

ALEX: Oooh, you’re in—you’re in my corner now, Ben.

BEN: Thanks d20 systems.

ALEX: (overlapping) Ben “look at all my hitpoints” Meredith, you’re in my town.

HELEN: Oh nooo. For the audience, Alex just, like, moved his shoulders as if he’s limbering up … to step into the boxing ring.

BEN: (overlapping) Alex, I’ve got—I’ve got ninety-two hitpoints, bring it on.

ALEX: The trick I have found with you, Ben, is not to threaten—

HELEN: (simult) Ben, stop this!

ALEX: Is not to threaten you with mere hit point damage, there’s more interesting ways to deal with you as a character now.

[Bryn laughs]

HELEN: Oh no.

-

BRYN: I cast resist energy on myself.

ALEX: Makes sense.

BRYN: ‘Cause I do not have loads of hitpoints.

-

LYDIA: But that means, still, uh—now, not loads of hitpoints. Only—only small-to-medium hitpoints. Not loads.

-

[Alex laughing]

LYDIA: Not a fan.

ALEX: Not a fa—

[Alex laughs harder]

BRYN: Could—could you not?

ALEX: (simult) Getting hit in the face? Good, yeah, loads of hitpoints. The tree looks at you oddly—oooh. Ooh, no.

[Lydia chuckles]

BEN: Yeah!

-

BEN: So, yeah, so, the previous fights we’ve just done, we didn’t get any extra healing, but it does mean that I don’t have any healing for when we pop—well, sorry, I don’t have any channel positives, I’m still a cleric, I have loads of healing left.

ALEX: Loads of hitpoints. For everyone! Share ‘em around.  

-

ALEX: I am going to drain you of those hitpoints, Ben.

BEN: It’s fine, I got loads of them.

ALEX: (simult) Benjamin Meredith.

[Lydia and Helen laugh]

HELEN: Ah!

ALEX: (simult) Yeah, good! It’ll only make the beasties stronger.

BEN: Fine, do it! Do it, kill me in this arc, let’s see what happens. I’m not afraid.

[Pause]

ALEX: Don’t tempt me, Frodo!

BEN: (overlapping) No I will, I’m actively doing it. Go on, kill me.

HELEN: Noooo!

[Ben cackles]

LYDIA: Aw man …

HELEN: You might not be afraid, I’m afraid. I might be collateral damage!

-

ALEX: Zolf, zombie-slayer, fort save MaGee—

[Bryn chuckles]

ALEX: What’s up next?

BEN: Aw, uh, same, and to be honest I’m not concerned because I’m a cleric and clerics are built to kill a lot of undead all at the same time, so, it’s fine.

[Lydia laughs loudly]

ALEX: True facts.

LYDIA: (overlapping) It’s like—it’s the opposite of like, I got a lot of hitpoints, I got a lot of channel positive energy—

-

BRYN: Azu is no longer invisible.

HELEN: Mmm.

ALEX: Oh well, I suppose then Azu is the one who’ll die, but yeah, same difference.

HELEN: (simult) But I have quite a lot of hitpoints and so does Zolf, so, me and Zolf are the best people to have—to be aware of, really.

BEN: (simult) Yeah we’re fine, it’s all good. I got loads of hitpoints left, we’ll deal with them later, let’s go.

[Alex chuckles]

HELEN: (overlapping) Yeah, I’ve got eighty-three hitpoints left, so.

-

ALEX: How we doing? I’ve got half the party currently feeling all lackadaisical, I’ve got one of you starting to, uh, trip over your words—

BEN: I’m doing alright, thanks.

ALEX: Yeah, you got a load of hitpoints, let’s ignore you.

-

ALEX: Correct! So you’re now next to Zolf … Zolf “loads of hitpoints” Smith.

LYDIA: Yeah.

-

ALEX: At which point, the creature is facing off against a tasty, tasty boy, full of hitpoints.

HELEN: No!

BEN: Yeah.

[Lydia chuckles]

ALEX: Rather distressingly, and I—I’m annoyed, because this is Ben playing well … it makes no sense for it to attack anyone else.

BEN: Yup.

ALEX: (simult) I really want it to. But it doesn’t.

BEN: Yup.

ALEX: So I guess I’m going for beefy, hitpoints MaGee.

[Helen laughs, Alex sighs loudly in frustration]

BEN: Yeah, go on, drain my hitpoints, see if I care.

ALEX: (simult) What’s your touch AC?

[Bryn, Helen, and Lydia laugh]

BEN: Or my charisma, see if I care.

[Everyone except Alex laughs]

ALEX: What’s your touch AC?

BEN: Oh, right! Fifteen.

-

ALEX: So there is a straight run, it is past a bunch of watchers.

BEN: Uh, Zolf will go last, because Zolf is Zolf, and wants to make sure everyone gets out, especially ‘cause he suggested it.

ALEX: Plus he’s got a load of hitpoints.

BEN: I got so many hitpoints.

-

HELEN: So, if I pick up a piece of wood with a nail in it, I’m saying, this is short-ranged and piercing, perhaps.

BEN: Yeah. And I made those decisions ‘cause Zolf has loads of hitpoints, and has a habit of losing his equipment.

[Bryn laughs]

-

BEN: So, Alabaster. You take yourself … fifteen damage.

ALEX: Fine, I got loads of hitpoints.

[Jonny and Lydia laugh]

BEN: If you want context for that joke, go listen to Rusty Quill Gaming.

[Lydia laughs, a dice rolls]

BEN: Oh no!

-

ALEX: Azu?

[Dice rolls, Helen sighs loudly]

HELEN: Yes?

ALEX: (cackling while speaking) Ohohohoho sh*t. I shouldn’t swear, ohhhohoho!

[Lydia laughs, Alex continues cackling over the top of everyone else]

HELEN: Alex …

BRYN: Alex …

[Alex cackling]

HELEN: No! No, what’s this?

BEN: (simult) Helen it’s fine, you’ve got loads of hitpoints.

HELEN: I know, but he’s laughing so much!

[Alex’s laughter increases in pitch]

HELEN: Alex!

ALEX: Okay.

BEN: It’s … more of a mischievous giggle.

ALEX: (simult) Helen—sorry, Azu—you take … ten, twenty … thirty-one … forty-two … forty-four lightning damage.

-

LYDIA: You may yet live! You’ll probably live, you’ll be fine.

BRYN: I hope so.

BEN: You’ve got … no hitpoints.

-

ALEX: It’s moving with terrifying purpose, that’s the best I can say.

HELEN: Mmm.

BEN: Fine … okay.

[Dice roll]

BEN: Uh, absolutely not.

BRYN: I think, Ben, it’s got both loads of hitpoints and loads of AC, and is essentially saying you don’t matter.

-

LYDIA: I have literally lost track, are we—are we saving Zolf’s life or Wilde’s?

HELEN: (overlapping) I don’t know what’s just happened.

ALEX: We are on the right side of it by the skinniest—

BEN: Oh, no no no no, Zolf—Zolf doesn’t give a crap, Zolf’s got loads of hitpoints, it’s about Wilde.

LYDIA: (overlapping) Right, okay, so it’s Wilde?

-

ALEX: Big beastie … big beastie.

BEN: Bring it.

HELEN: Ben! He has been bringing it! It’s not going well for us! It is not going well!

LYDIA: Yeah, you with your loads of hitpoints—I think it could one-shot Cel!

BEN: Well that’s why I’m saying—no, but that’s why I’m saying bring it, bring it to me!

[Helen bursts out laughing]

LYDIA: Ohhh, I see, I see.

HELEN: (overlapping) Serve it to Ben!

LYDIA: That is not its MO.

BEN: No, it’s not, unfortunately.

LYDIA: (laughing weakly) That is the opposite of its MO.

-

BRYN: Our chief weapons are surprise, a really big fireball, a paladin on a camel—

[Everyone laughs and claps]

ALEX: Thank you!

LYDIA: And loads of hitpoints!

BEN: Ah, loads—so many hitpoints.

BRYN: (simult) Obviously loads of hitpoints.

BEN: And I’ve given you all some more loads of hitpoints, so, you know.

LYDIA: Yeah.

-

LYDIA: I, at least, am excited about the fact that—like, so Cel now has a hundred and twelve hitpoints! It’s a lot!

HELEN: Oooh!

BEN: (simult) Nice.

LYDIA: That’s loads!

BRYN: Loads of hitpoints.

BEN: (simult) That is loads.

HELEN: (simult) That’s more than me!

[Lydia makes an appreciative noise]

BEN: Yeah, I’ve got a hundred and eleven hitpoints.

[Lydia makes a louder appreciative noise]

ALEX: I think you’re nearing the point where you could just jump off the roof and do a superhero landing without powers and survive?

BEN: (hissing) Oooh, uh.

LYDIA: (overlapping) Well, I mean, why would I do that? I’ve got wings.

[Alex chuckles]

-

ALEX: Plus you got loads of hitpoints, it’s fine.

BRYN: (shrill) Um! That’s not how I would characterize it …

[Helen laughs loudly]

BEN: You got a few.

[Lydia laughs]

BRYN: I’ve got—I’ve got some. I’ve certainly got more … than … before.

BEN: Yeah.

[Alex and Lydia burst out laughing]

BRYN: (simult) So, you know, that’s nice. That’s nice.

ALEX: And on that, let’s, let’s—why don’t we find out, and leave the audience guessing, but, I’m gonna call a bye there.

[Helen laughs]

BEN: (overlapping) Extra hundred and thirty-two hitpoints and he’s still un—ah, ugh—you, you can’t do it with—

[Everyone laughing]

-

ALEX: Everyone takes a hundred and twenty-two fire damage.

[Ben makes chef’s kiss noise]

ALEX: I’m not—like, I honest-to-god rolled it, a hundred and twenty-two, with a hundred and twenty just—bwoop!

BEN: And do you know what that means? It means Topaz takes one damage, and I take three.

[Everyone bursts out laughing, Lydia screeches and Alex wheezes]

BEN: I got loads of hitpoints!

HELEN: (simult) Ohhh.

LYDIA: Listeners, listeners, listeners, seriously—there were, while the dice were rolling, so many heart-felt conversation about like—you know, if the characters die, but we still manage to, like, set the device off, then really it’s a good poetic ending—like, there was so much heart-felt, like, “it’s fine, I can lose these characters, you know, and—and it’ll be okay, it will be okay,” and it’s like … ding!

[Helen giggles gleefully]

BEN: And, Alex, can I just—I, just to let you know, I still have nine temporary health. So I’m still over healed—

ALEX: (overlapping) Hey, that’s fine!

BEN: (simult) Okay.

ALEX: I can do this all day.

[Lydia laughs]

BEN: That’s fine. I don’t care.

HELEN: (simult) That’s the problem.

BEN: I’m standing up against the universe here, I’m proud of myself! You can’t take that away from me.

HELEN: I’m proud of you, too.

-

ALEX: Here we go. (laughs) Entertain yourselves as I roll my billion dice.

[Ben and Helen laugh]

ALEX: Hundred and sixteen, halved.

BRYN: (shrill) Alright. Alright, okay, that’s—that’s fine.

[Alex makes a dragonfire noise]

ALEX: Just—your world goes white.

BRYN: Hamid takes … fifty-eight fire damage.

BEN: It’s fine, you’ve got loads of temporary hitpoints.

[Bryn laughs]

HELEN: Ah. Just don’t get hit again.

LYDIA: (simult) Like—Hamid coughs more damage than that.

ALEX: (simult) You have been in the mid—congratulations, not many players sit in the middle of a dragon’s fire breath and go, “this is exactly where I want to be.”

-

ALEX: Azu, please give me a reflex save.

HELEN: Oh, b*****ks, sh****ng, f*ck.

[Alex and Lydia laugh, both very high-pitched]

BEN: Helen, you’ve got loads of hitpoints.

[Helen and Lydia laugh]

ALEX: Got loads of hitpoints.

LYDIA: (simult) So many.

HELEN: (simult) Yeah but it’s a clock, it’s sharp!

[Lydia laughs]

ALEX: And on fire!

BEN: Loads of hitpoints.

HELEN: No!

LYDIA: It’s fall damage that’s the scary thing.

Bryn: Yeah.

ALEX: (overlapping) Time gets us all in the end, Helen.

BEN: Wah, wah.

-

ALEX: Innumerable amounts are swarming upon him, he is still fighting, but it’s not going well.

BEN: That’s fine, he’s got loads of hitpoints, it’ll take the mob twenty seconds to kill him and that’s all we need.

[Alex and Bryn laugh]

ALEX: Ben is cold. I like it, but is cold.

BEN: Canonically don’t like the meritocrats anymore, so … f*ck him!

[Helen laughs]

-

[Alex laughing]

BEN: Yeah, I think, I think technically if we’re both reduced to zero hitpoints we’re gonna try and take hitpoints from each other, and then it just won’t work, but basically I’m thinking, I will probably have hitpoints, more than—

LYDIA: (overlapping) You’ve got loads of them.

BEN: Yeah I got loads of hitpoints, Babbage probably has less.

ALEX: (simult) I’m going to be interested to see how that interacts with sanctuary if it all goes off.

-

BRYN: Is—is Zolf technically just unconscious, rather than dead?

BEN: I’m on minus three hitpoints. I have loads of hitpoints.

BRYN: Yeah. Although the falling damage might be enough to …

[Ben heaves out a breath]

ALEX: Into the flaming pit of hell—

BEN AND BRYN: (simult) Yeah.

ALEX: (simult) During a large, bright explosion, yeah.

HELEN: Oh.

LYDIA: (simult) No …

ALEX: (simult) In which case … I’ll see you all next week.

ALL: Bye!

[RQG outro music plays, then fades out]

[straws-and-stats]

Rusty Quill Gaming Stats! (Part 1)

Hi. If you run in Rusty Quill circles, you might remember me from that big ol' statistical fan survey for The Magnus Archives that will outlive us all. Well, I am here today to deliver unto you statistics of a different sort - this time in celebration of Rusty Quill Gaming! 

I examined nearly every die thrown during the campaign for the project "LOLOMG: A Performance Review by Oscar Wilde". Designed w/ the PHB in mind, the project aims to thank those who produced RQG & celebrate the characters who brought us here. Check it out here! 

This post (and subsequent parts) will comprise of stats I found interesting but was unable to fit into the book. The data covers numbered campaign episodes, Bertie's Sidequest, and Ancient Rome. Data collected by myself and Oddly Specific using the RQG wiki & relistening. Thanks to the wiki contributors.

If you want to take a look at all the raw numbers that got us here, this linked spreadsheet has them. Feel free to copy whatever data you like for your own purposes. If you want to know something not included or if you spot an error, contact me about it!

Thanks to serhawke (@cityelf), Dubious Gem (@regulationblues), Sumi, nik (@niksfake), Nix (@scatteredheroes), Oddly Specific, and Lowell for being such fun people to work with on this project.

Thanks to NotusLethe, Booksquirm, and cuewulfir for additional support. 

Finally, massive thanks to Lowell for turning all of my doodles, rough charts, and data into the beautiful infographics contained herein. They’re the one who’s made these stats sing.

And now, after 6 months of work, I present to you: Rusty Quill Gaming as told by statistics.

We start with an animated scatter plot detailing the values of every skill check stated in the campaign that wasn't a natural 1 or natural 20. I like how clearly it shows the growth in power of the party (can’t figure out how to embed it, so we’re going with an imgur link for now).

https://imgur.com/cgPkrXV

Up next, a line chart containing skill check overview for how many skill rolls each character had accumulated at each episode of the campaign. I was surprised by how pretty and overarchingly linear the accumulations were.

Here's yet another skill check overview, this time divvying up all 2,818 skill checks rolled during the campaign (including natural 1s and 20s this time) by character. From this pie chart, we can see that Sasha emerges with the most rolls at 617, despite being around for only 57% of the campaign.

Next is the same pie chart as before, but player-based this time. We can see that Lydia carried the team with a whopping 870 skill check rolls, which is almost 1/3 of the d20s tossed for skills in the campaign. That's a lot of dice!

Another player-based skill check chart, this one averaging skill checks per every 10 episodes for ease of reading. I like how this one smacks you upside the head with a visual of how the pandemic move to remote recordings altered Alex’s GMing style - once remote recordings were the standard, the average number of skill checks per episode decreased slightly, and the party started rolling skill checks more as a unit more than individually, unlike before the pandemic.

[part 2] [part 3]

[franzis-frantic-thoughts]

Baggage

Hamid has just gained his wings and grown into his powers and grown into himself. He's finally found his feet again after the fiasco at university, not to mention Lilliana. And now the magic is gone and it's like a rug has been pulled out from beneath his feet. He's back to being just some kid. No degree, no job, no powers, no nothing.

Zolf, Azu, and Cel have set off to help the world. They're all so smart and capable in their own ways. His only mundane skill - tailoring - also relied so heavily on his magic. He's never even sown a single garment without magical help. There’s not a single way in which he can contribute.

He goes back to Cairo, because what else is there, but returning to his family, tail between his legs, and rely on them for their support now.

Saira introduces him to her girlfriend. And he tries to be happy for her. He does. But at the same time he can't stop hurting. He can't stop wondering.

What does it mean to have someone to love and to trust who loves and trusts you like that in turn? Because he didn't have that with Lilliana, did he? Or how could she have left him like that, in a time of need, how could she have moved on to be engaged to Gideon not even a year after everything happened? Clearly, she never felt for him the way he felt for her. Clearly, she only ever strung him along and he was too naïve to see. Too stupid. Too foolish. Gullible. Weak. Pathetic. Unloveable. Unworthy.

And he thinks back over the past few months. Over meeting Zolf and Azu. And how he's started developing feelings for both of them at one point or another.

How his childish crush on Zolf from way back in Dover had developed into something deeper. Something more true and nuanced over the time they spent in Japan and the Airship and the bunker. How much Zolf had changed and how much Hamid respected him, even if Zolf never seemed to respect him as much in turn. Hamid understands that Zolf wasn't in a good place when they met. And that - by the time they met again in Japan - Wilde had taken up what could have been his place, one day, at Zolf's side. He's missed his chance.

With Azu, Hamid sees potential. She seems to genuinely like and respect him in turn. She's kind and warm and good to her core. And she'd never betray him the way Lilliana did. But by the time Hamid has realised this, Azu has settled down. Gotten married - Hamid finally realises what that weird emotion in his stomach at her wedding had been - has had children. She's so much further in her life than Hamid is. So much more grounded. He's missed his chance.

When Azu dies of old age - surrounded by her children and grandchildren - Zolf and Wilde are there at his side during the funeral. They know how much she's meant to him.

When Wilde dies of old age - after a long and happy life with Zolf by his side - Hamid is there for Zolf.

They start growing closer. Living together. They still go on "expeditions" (holidays) together. They learn more about the Harlequins. More about Sasha. They remember her fondly. When Zolf's eyesight starts going, Hamid reads him Cambell. When Hamid's hair starts going, Zolf shaves his head - but never his beard - in emotional support.

Together, they help each other through their grief of losing their loved ones. Stick together. The last of the Rangers and the last of the LOLOMG. They stick together because they're the only ones who understands what the other has gone through. What the other has done and suffered and won and lost. And though neither of them ever confesses their feelings to the other - it's been too long. And what they have is good. It's good. Neither wants to risk it - they got a second chance together.

[raspberryhell]

rqg?

[ID: Two screen shots of asks, one from varyathevillain saying "RQG for the blorbo and co ask meme, because *you knew* one of the people would send it to you" and one from cerulean-devil saying "for the ask game... RQG >:3". End ID] GAY PEOPLE...

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

SO MANY of the LOLOMG are tied for first favorite character, and it kinda fluctuates every few weeks, but right now it would def be Hamid (with Cel as a close close second) Just a pathetic little guy who is also a unconceivably powerful dragon who just lives in my mind constantly :)

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

putting AZU in this category, she is so big and friendly and i wish everyday that she was real and giving me a hug. she is so full of love and is SO pink and strong, also she is black and bi, like oh my god there is just so much about her to love and care her so much <3<3<3 (the cuteness aggression comes in when I have to draw her armor lmao)

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

SKRAAK!! I especially love him in the context of all the other kobolds like, you hear Skraak come back in the Inn and think "oh hes so jaded from going through so much shit" then all the other kobolds start to open up on the airship and you realize "oh no, they all went through this, but are all still goofy, it's just Skraak who's like this" and THEN he starts to open up as he travels with them to Other London and you think "oh he IS goofy, he was just putting on an act to seem more like a leader to the others" like... Skraak Has Layers And I Just Think Hes Neat :)

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

hhmmm nothing really springs to mind here that wouldnt fit into the scrimblo bimblo category just as well, but maybe Brutor? because funny enough I've had some really deep thoughts about this character that is Just A Dog and then Just A Dude and then Just A Dog again, but idk if anyone actually cares, I'm just an over thinker and a huge dog person lol

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

I'm so sorry, but it would have to be Eldarion... I know shes mean and evil in a very real way that off-puts people but also....... she is mean and evil in a very real way that off-puts people 🥺🥺🥺 also theres enough canon implication to read her as being in-lesbians with Curie which gives her bonus points in my book <3

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

Hamid also falls into this category... I had some issues with how his character arc was going for a while there and would kinda genuinely make fun of him, but now that I know it all comes out in the wash after the epilogues, I feel better doing even more light hearted bullying of his character now lol it comes from a place of love I swear!!!!!!!

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

Character That HAS Been Sent To Super Hell: Bertie, also I hate him for the crime of having a name that is SO CLOSE to mine (close friends call me Berrie) to the point I have actually typed out his name instead of mine (and vice versa!!) many times now abdjdnfdj

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I think the central theme of the LOLOMG is trying to be good even if not always actually doing it. Is also in a lot of ways about redemption.

Everysingle member of the team is flawed and they failed for some reason and everysingle one has a wish to be good, to help people.

From the most obvious case of Hamid that literally says he is trying to redeem himself. That knows he was bad and was bad because he was scared and had had friends but also because his priviledged made it easy, made so he didn't had to question things, that he never had to take responsability until he went too far. That is soo despreatedly trying to do the right thing even if he sometimes does the wrong one, that tries his best to be kind and caring and to not fall into old bad habits, that doesn't even recognize all of them at firstm.

To Sasha that was always good but never had the chance to be. That did messed up stuff because that's all she's been told all her life, she was raised to be a thief and almost all the adults in her life failed her. That even after scaping Barret somewhat, now an adult and her own person, still doesn't know how tk be annything else. But also who is in her own way kind and conforting and tries to help, that cares specially to the small voices, to the people like her who had no chance. And she still falls to old habits because change isn't easy and she doesn't always even want to, be she tries her best anyway.

To Zolf who is just trying to understand what being good even is in the middle of his grief. He was a navvy man than a pirate and a cleric than a mercenary. And he tried to suport the right people and do the right thing and serve justice but deep down he still didn't knew what his path into being someone he saw as good was, until he had to leave and try to find it somewhere else.

To Bertie who sucks and never wanted to be better, who likes being a piece of shit actually but has no choice but to try for a redemption anyway. Who never even understands his mistakes that keeps refusing to change until it kills him.

To Grizzop who thinks he has it all figured out. Who thinks he knows what is good and what is bad and who is good and who is bad and that the path to being a good person is to set clear lines and kill the right people. That has being a cop as his literal religion and the one thing that gives his life meaning and is not sure how, doesn't want to, but has to start to deal with the fact his lines are not really true and people, and life, is complicated.

To Azu who is good actually and has no need for redemption but also has other people from her temple acting as if she does, as if she isn't really good and she doesn't really notice them but they still give her another reason to try and prove herself. To go in a journey. To try to help even more people and became the Hugh Pristess of Afrodite.

[eyriedescent]

thinking about how much of a supportive character wilde is. i get that in practical terms, his character exists to fill in the gaps in lolomg as needed, and he’d bloody good at that with all his levels and skills. but when this is viewed through an in-game narrative lens, it means that he’s a consistent pillar to lolomg’s operations, an incredibly powerful and smart person who’s always ready to give his all and who has the brains to strategise a course of action for himself that will best benefit his team.

which is why i’m so torn up about how his expression of love and commitment to zolf has been “we’ve got this”, and not anything more conventional like an “i love you”. the first is a crafted phrase which explicitly highlights how zolf is part of a team, and affirms positive thinking about their future, driving action. the second is an expression of one’s feelings, and while it may have the same intentions as “we’ve got this”, the words “i love you” are not phrased a way to maximise their supportive potential as much as “we’ve got this”.

and just argh. i WANT to see wilde live long enough to perhaps have a moment in which he indulges himself with an “i love you”, breaking out of his infinitely consistent utility and pragmatism for even a small moment. above all, i want wilde to live, because i will miss his unerringly supportive presence dearly. the comfort of knowing that this character has got everything covered. that he’s got this, and you will too, as long as you’re with him.

[shofics]

For the rqg ask game part 3: Number 3 with Wilde and Ed

Okay, first of all, YOUR MIND.

LOLOMG are going to go into the broken gate spell. Ed is there too. They’re counting up, because Eldarion says she can only bring back nine people, including herself. It’s enough for each member and the hostages, but not enough for Einstein and Ed.

“Perhaps if this will, erm, have some… temporal effects,” Hamid says, looking nervous, “Professor, you could take Ed back with you and he could find Wilde, and let him know? You know Oscar Wilde?”

They agree it might be a good idea, and Ed has a Quest, so he’s raring to go.

Einstein teleports him back into Curie’s office, drops him in a chair, gives her a cheery salute, and pops away again. Curie rolls well on her Knowledge Nobility. Curie is suddenly babysitting an Ed With A Quest, and is having a great time.

“You mean the Meritocratic agent, Mr. Keystone? Why on earth would I know where he is? No, don’t run off, you- no- sit there, Ed, please-”

Meanwhile, Wilde has just successfully (he hopes, oh, gods, does he hope) escaped the Meritocracy. Hoping to get more information, he tracks down the Damascan Harlequin cell that arranged Grizzop’s transportation to Rome and I’m sorry, the high-level caster you got to transport him was Eldarion, that Eldarion? Yes I know who she is, every person who’s studied magic at any point within the past thirty years knows who Eldarion and Marie Curie are-

He’s going to have to go to the top if he wants to find out why his team didn’t come back.

He knows Zolf went back to Earhart’s ship after leaving the group in Prague- what kind of a spy would he be if he hadn’t done a little spying? He’s working with the Harlequins now, and if the man doesn’t drown him the moment he shows up, maybe Wilde will be able to convince him to take him to the Harlequins too.

Curie and Ed are not in Prague. Curie and Ed are in Budapest. Ed fills Curie in on where her wife has gone, what Eldarion is doing; she’d gone to Damascus first. Curie contacts the Harlequin cell there, and yes, Wilde was here, he was asking about you. He said he was trying to defect. If the man is smart then he’ll go to Prague first and track her trail from there, and he is, so Curie sends Ed to Prague to meet him.

Wilde and Zolf arrive in Prague. Wilde and Zolf meet Ed. Wilde rolls well on his Knowledge Nobility, and he’d be caught off guard that Edward Keystone is here to greet him, but honestly, much weirder stuff has been happening to him recently. It’s a drop in the bucket, by this point.

Ed takes them back to Budapest, back to Curie, where they make an exchange of information that turns the tide of a war that hasn't even begun yet. Wilde and Zolf learn about the broken gate spell, about the temporal effects, about everything that’s happened to the LOLOMG since Wilde first clipped the anti-magic shackle to his ankle.

It’s more information than either Zolf or Wilde could have hoped for. They know where the others are, they know what’s happened to them, they know what they have to do. Unfortunately, what they have to do is wait, and neither can bear to do that for long.

So they will continue to chase leads on the Simulacrum, and Zolf will continue to track the weather patterns, and Ed-

Will also come along, why not? Wilde doesn’t have his magic, and they can always use another caster. So Ed joins the team.

Zolf and he butt heads at first, due to Ed’s blind optimism and boundless, unwavering faith- but he learns to like the kid. There’s something about him that speaks to Zolf’s own Not-Too-Happy Childhood senses. He couldn’t not watch out for him if he tried.

Wilde finds Ed fascinating, as a character study. Every single pun he levies goes directly over his head. It’s not even annoying, it’s just intriguing. Zolf has to tell him to back off, stop treating the poor kid like a linguistics experiment.

Ed doesn’t deal with quarantine well. He says he can still feel Apollo with him, but it’s fainter when he can’t reach back.

It reminds him of being locked in his room at home, when he was younger, when he’d be punished and asked to shut up and be good when no one would explain to him what it was he’d done wrong.

“He reminds you of her, doesn’t he?” Wilde asks one night, when Ed isn’t in the room. Zolf glares at him and stomps out, which he knows by now means yes.

Ed calls down Smite Evil as Zolf hauls a stunned and bleeding Wilde to safety. Neither cleric nor paladin can heal him magically, not with the cuffs on. Ed is desperately upset about this, and becomes more upset as Wilde completely stonewalls him for the first time. Has he done something wrong? Why won’t anyone tell him when he’s done something wrong?

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Zolf tells him. “Just… let him deal. ‘S not worth it.”

Okinoshima is grey and wet. Apollo is still with him, even if the sun isn’t.

[obeyme-life]

I wonder how the boys would react to a little pool day vacation 🤔

HC: The Brothers On A Pool Day!

Lucifer:

Lucifer is getting out those tacky Hawaiian shirts—and making them look good.

Sunblock and ice cream are his vibe. He'll offer you a taste of his cone despite Mammon's protests.

You'd find him on a towel pretending to finish up work but actually watching his brothers mess around with a small smile.

Mammon:

Mammon is a sunkissed god of the beach. His model side really shows when he's in swim trunks. Those abs are fire.

He actually owns a lot of sunglasses. Yes, they're all the same pair in different colors. If you need a pair, he wouldn't mind sharing with ya, since you're his human!

You'd find him stirring up trouble. If there's a sunburn to be seen, he's smackin' it.

Leviathan:

Levi had to be dragged out of the house, quite literally, but once he's in the water he's in his element. He's still pouting about not being allowed in his sea serpent form though.

He's happy to discuss all about how this is just like that filler beach episode from My Crush Is A Human And I Can't Stop Looking At Them And They Don't Know I'm A Monster! What a classic trope but the main character looked sooooo good! Lolomg.

You'd find him splashing around in the waves. He may not be athletic on land, but he's a strong swimmer! If you're incredibly lucky, he might let you on his shoulders with enough persuasion from his brothers.

Satan:

There is sand in places he didn't know he could get sand, and Mammon keeps getting water on his book... This is not in his element at all. His resting bitch face is strong.

Nevertheless, you're a sight that makes it worth being there. And you better believe he's looking. "Hm? You don't like me staring? I'm afraid I can't help it.~"

He's on a beach chair under an umbrella reading his book. He'll be thrilled if you join him and even offer to walk the beach with you if you seem bored.

Asmodeus:

Asmo is the king of the beach. Proper skin care means a glowing body on beach days! A bit of salt water is good too, with the proper follow-up care!

Selfies, selfies, selfies! Your beachwear is so cuuuuute darling! He wants to capture everything for devilgram.

He's flirting with all the beach hotties... Unless he has your attention. Do you need lotion? He'll be putting it on you!

Beelzebub:

Holy mother of abs. It's time for all that hard work at the gym to truly shine. For someone so soft, his pecs and biceps are pretty solid.

Beel wants to share summer snacks with you! He brought his beach bag, of course, but... It's full of food? Have you tried the ice cream from the beach hut? His treat!

He loves to splash around with his brothers, and to carry you on his shoulders into the water. He'll make sure you remember to stay hydrated although he can't quench your thirst.

Belphegor:

There are better place to nap but... He'll make do with a beach towel and umbrella. Afterall, the sun is so warm... Like a blanket...

If he's not asleep, he's happy to play in the sand with you. Burying one another or building weird things. Is that... Lucifer but with a crab for a head? "It's because he's always crabby!"

Belphie has a very... One sided tan. And he's not smiling about it even though it's pretty funny. The price for a nap in the sunshine.

[superduperfandomgirl]

My favorite thing about this episode has to be the fact that, as other amazing members of this fandom have pointed out, the whole party has basically yeeted themselves into a gigantic space-time portal of dooooooooooooom and left almost the entire cast of NPCs behind.  

And the funniest bit is, most of those people came here for them.  Like, at least the Kobolds have still gotten to fulfill their plans of broadening their view of the dangers of the world and tracking the LOLOMG, but Kiko, Friedrich, and Siggif were specifically paid to go to Svalbard, and their employers have just properly abandoned them all, leaving them behind with Earhart and an entirely new society to deal with (not to mention a quarantined ex-lover of Azu’s).  And of course, there’s Carnes and Barter, just trying to contain the sheer chaos that Alex NPCs create when left to their own devices.  And to top it all off, poor Sohra is there, waiting at the top of a hill for a council elder and a band of travelers that are unlikely to emerge. 

Can you imagine their faces when the LOLOMG returns a bit later after saving the world?  “Oops, I know you guys wanted to go to Svalbard and be part of the action and everything, and maybe do a little revengin’ while you’re at it, but we took a giant flower bulb shortcut to London, and it’s all fine now.”  Legendary.

But as awesome as that would be, I have a slightly different series of events in mind.  I am not saying that the Airship Crew riding a fixer-up airship (or perhaps, even a giant bear holding the weight of a civilization on its back) into battle as a deus ex machina for the deadly and climactic finale is a good idea, but it cannot be said that it is an impossible one.  

Just bear with me here (haha).  The crew swoops in to save the day, screaming into the wind, “You forget something, bitches?”  Just an absolutely crazy amount of NPCs whirling into battle with all their assorted talents and weapons, like claws, massive fists, and being bad at poker.  Kiko will cut down whatever blue vein freak is threatening Azu and casually say, “Oh, your ex is fine by the way, although he is a bit rugged.  I see you have a type.”  The Kobolds will rush into battle with their tiny claws tearing apart anyone who tries to harm their newly found friends, making sure to handle all the direct contact since they can’t be infected.  Siggif and Friedrich partner up against Barnes and Carter, both teams competing to see who can get the most kills, Gimli and Legolas style.  

Meanwhile, Earhart will steer the ship into an epic landing right in front of Zolf, drop down on a length of rope like the badass pirate she is, and just shout, “A captain always comes back for her crew.” 

Again, not saying this is what’s going to happen, but if it did, you better believe I’d be scaring all my neighbors with the amount of excited shouting I’d be doing.

[celsidebottom]

Prompt 28 for anyone in the Rangers/LOLOMG please?

28: feeling for each other in the dark

prompt from this post - still accepting!

Set inside Svalbard when the magical fatigue hits Azu and Cel

“Azu… I’m tired.”

She blearily turned to look at Cel. “Yeah… me too.”

The winding ramp that led further into Svalbard seemed interminable, and each step down into the depths was harder than the last. It took all of Azu’s fortitude to keep moving; if she stopped, she feared she might fall into a slumber from which she would never wake.

At the same time, though, sleep sounded so wonderful…

Azu was thrown from her thoughts when she felt something bump into her. Even with their darkvision, the dim light of the dwarven city mixed with their exhaustion and Cel could only vaguely reach in Azu's direction as they searched for her hand, something to hold onto, a lifeline that might keep them moving. When Cel's clawed hand thumped against Azu's arm, she reached out for Cel in turn, and their hands eventually clasped together in the space between them.

“Thanks,” Cel mumbled. “How are they not tired?” They gestured feebly with their free hand to Hamid, Zolf, and Skraak. Hamid and Zolf led the way down the ramp, while Skraak trotted along in the middle, casting worried glances back toward Azu and Cel at consistent intervals.

Azu shrugged. “I don’t know. If I was less tired, I might have a better answer.”

“Yeah. And if I wasn’t about to fall over, I-”

With that, Cel tripped and only managed to right themselves because Azu held them up. As tired as she was, Azu wasn’t about to let go of them.

“I’ll carry you.”

“No, no,” Cel protested. “You’re just as exhausted as I am. I’ll be fine.” Despite trying to stifle it, a yawn escaped their lips, which did nothing to strengthen their point.

Azu stopped in her tracks and tugged her hand free from Cel’s. Then, she stepped forward and crouched down. “Hop on.”

Cel’s protestations fell silent, and they carefully allowed Azu to heft them up onto her back. They wrapped their arms around her shoulders and instantly slumped, unable to keep fighting the fatigue that plagued them.

“Thanks, Azu. Let me know if we need to switch. Not sure how a piggyback ride would work with the wings and all, but we’ll figure it out.”

Azu chuckled as Cel’s speech began to slur, indicating that they were already falling asleep now that they didn’t have to focus so hard on walking.

“I will. For now, get some rest.”

“Mmm. I can do that.”

[kimabutch]

Some thoughts about Sasha’s letter, because no one stopped me. 

Alright, mates.

Sorry about the erroribus. It’s been so long that you all speak Latin in my dreams. But you know I wasn’t all that good in English to start.

The phrase “you all speak Latin in my dreams” is forever going to be written in my heart — it’s a beautiful, simple way of saying how much she still thinks about them, decades later, these people she knew for a month at most. There’s something sad about it, the implication that maybe it’s not their voices exactly she hears in her dreams, it’s been so long since she heard them speak, but I think she’s okay with that. Her memories of them are intertwined with her life now. 

I got no proof you made it back, but I believe you did. I believe that you’re okay, somewhere. I am. 

What stands out to me so much throughout this letter is the hope. The faith that Azu and Hamid got back. The trust that the letter will get to them, over a thousand years later. The belief that Grizzop is happy and that she’ll get to see them all someday. Sasha didn’t really believe in good news, before. Her excitement for exploring the world was balanced by her cynicism. Now, she’s seen so much of the world, good and bad, and she’s hopeful. I’m so glad she got to that point. It gives me hope, too.

We landed back in Rome right when it was falling apart. There was fights. Grizzop took a spear that was meant for me, and then he took more. I light candles for him at the temple every year. They tell me that he’s happy somewhere on a Celestial Hunt and I believe that, too.

Words cannot describe how relieved I am that Sasha had help in finding closure for Grizzop, that she managed to talk to the Cult of Artemis/Diana and hear from someone that he was happy. There’s so much between the lines here, such a big space between his death and her lighting of candles for him, so much that Sasha would have had to process in losing her last connection to home, in having someone else die. But she wasn’t alone this time.

After everything was destroyed by the dragons, I found a home and a friend. So much was ruined and a lot of people was also lost, and so we took them in, too. Some of them was so small that they didn’t have names or they couldn’t remember them. But they’ve grown up now.

Azu is my best locksmith. Grizzop turned out all calm and quiet. He loves plants and growing living things. Cleric of Opis. I hope other Grizzop would be ok with that. Amidus used to help me out with the business side of our security work but he’s busy with his own twins now. They’re exactly your height now Hamid and they call me Ava. No one here could pronounce ‘Zolf’. We ended up calling him Sagax. Has excellens knife work when he’s not busy arguing. I think they’d get on. Little Wilde has caused me so many headaches you would not believe. Bertus teaches the kids acrobatics now that I’m getting too stiff. I wish so much that you could meet them.

Sasha was never good at speaking directly about her emotions; she was always better at showing people how she felt. And here, she doesn’t say “I love you,” or “you are my family,” or “you helped me when I was lost and alone.” Instead, she shows them — shows them how much her friends meant to her, shows them that she built with her adopted children what her friends gave to her. 

And the small images that this conjures up are just beautiful; Sasha’s audible pride in little Azu; Sasha teasing Grizzop for how different he is from his namesake and Wilde for how similar he is; Sasha smiling when she heard Amidus had had twins, just like Hamid’s siblings, and measuring their height against that of her old friend; trying to teach people how to say Zolf and finally giving up and figuring out a name that paid tribute to his wisdom; Sasha showing Bertus the falcon scar on her back. 

I also wish that they could meet them; I think all of their hearts would swell with pride for everything Sasha did and everyone she helped.

Sometimes you can’t save the world but you can save a person. I believe I’ll see you again and get to tell you that. Light a candle for Grizzop for me.

I’m also never going to be over “you can’t save the world but you can save a person.” I think it’s got a double meaning, sort of. 

On the one hand, I wonder if she’s talking about their mission, how she’s accepted that she couldn’t be there to take down the simulacrum with them and save the world she grew up in; she’s managed to save people where she is, and that’s what matters. 

But the second line makes me think she’s speaking to the guilt that she knows her friends must be facing. Reminding them that whatever happens in the world, they should know that they saved her. That Zolf and Hamid changed her life for the better when they looked out for her in that alleyway in London; that Hamid, Azu, and Wilde saved her by helping her heal in Cairo; that all of them gave her hope and love when she was so alone. That she’s taken care of other people now, and she’s let other people take care of her, and she knows how important that is, even if it’s just for one person.

And then there’s a third thing that Sasha wouldn’t have known about. When her friends saved her, just one person, they did save the world, because that one person went on to found the organization that’s now leading efforts against the infection. With every success of the Harlequins, that’s Sasha fighting alongside them. 

Thanks mates.

Whosaskinus “Sasha” Lolomg

It means so much that Sasha dropped “Rackett” in favour of one name that was truly hers and another that she shares with her mates. She lived her life free, on her own terms. I’m so, so proud of her. 

Thanks, Lydia, for the letter and for Sasha.