#and also Oliver said he doesn’t want to do a queer guy comes out and is crushing on his bestie so why would they suddnely be like

[daisysmalia]

Why are people so insistent on claiming Tim was lying when he says the ‘no Buck was actually into Tommy?’

Like he says it here;

And someone on twitter tried to tell me this was him still saying Buck was confused? Like I’m sorry but if you watch the ep objectively it’s all about Tommy. Buck wants to hang out with him, he felt he clicked with him, he wants to see him. I understand you can have your own interpretation but please don’t try say that the creator has a different one than what he intended. Eddie was the misdirect, the twist was ‘oh I guess it was you.’ And Buck and the audience had that realisation at the same time.

[stardustbuck]

im a multishipper. i ship buddie and bucktommy. but if im being honest one side is being incredibly more hateful and toxic than the other side. (aka the one thats been around longer) maybe i’ve taken off my rose-colored shipping glasses, but seeing ppl make hate posts abt tommy/lou gives me the ick. it makes me actually realize why oliver left twt. bitterness will get you nowhere. if buddie is meant to happen then it’ll happen. you cannot force it to happen. everything i’ve seen and read tells me buddie was more of a consideration pre-s5 than it is currently. and that fucking sucks but just because things aren’t going your way doesn’t mean you need to get on the internet and be a bully. it’s truly mind-boggling to see people so intense in their hate for a character that has righted his wrongs, who is now friends with the people he wronged, is well-liked among said characters and is now being a positive influence on buck’s newfound sexuality. their dynamic is also nothing new, pessimist/optimist ship dynamics have been around forever and it’s only a problem because it’s not eddie.

i would be happy for buddie to go canon as much as the next guy. getting buck canonically bisexual is mind-blowing enough in itself, i’m glad we’re witnessing it at all. if ryan doesn’t want to do buddie because he feels its important they stay friends then so be it. platonic friendships between a queer man and straight man are important, especially one that runs so deep like buck and eddie’s. sure, their friendship could be read as romantic throughout the show, but partly because oliver and ryan truly share a great chemistry on screen which helps lean into it but also because these shows are not written with an endgame in mind. 9-1-1 is very much a go with the flow show, and if bucktommy is where the show is flowing then that’s what is meant to be. invisible string theory isn’t because ppl think it was always planned from the beginning, it’s because it’s amazing how well buck and tommy becoming a couple comes together so perfectly out of pure coincidence.

we know buck was supposed to be made queer long ago. we also know maddie originally was brought in for eddie but was put with chimney instead. if tim minear hadn’t left after s4 i truly think buddie could have been already established by now, but unfortunately that isn’t how things work. perhaps the idea of tommy and eddie was pitched but ultimately ryan didn’t agree it would work for these character nor the story being told at the time. buck was already supposed to be queer, so turning it to tommy and buck instead makes total sense.

no one is saying you aren’t allowed to continue to ship buddie. most ships in the world are ships that have never gone canon. buddie is valid even if it’s non-canon. god knows i will continue to read and write for them and enjoy them whilst also enjoying buck and tommy together. the behavior i’ve been seeing though is just weird, especially from larger creators who i understand are very passionate for buddie, but it’s weird when you flip it into tommy/lou hate instead of just talking about buddie itself.

perhaps the theories will be true. we don’t know! maybe buck and tommy won’t last and buddie will be endgame. i’m happy either way because buck’s sexuality is so important for him and at the current state of the show eddie is absolutely not ready for anything romantic because he’s still grieving shannon to a point where he is not ready to move on romantically just yet and we’re literally shown this. even if buddie is happening, it is not happening by the season finale nor is it probably happening by the beginning of s8 considering the current storylines and where they’ll be at by the end of this season. lou probably isn’t going anywhere and from the looks of it, we’ll probably be bumped up into a semi-regular character in s8 like karen. he’s easy to write into the plot, he’s got connections to people and emergencies outside of buck that would integrate him well into the plot. their romance is supposed to be “romcom” esque, they’re taking things slow but they’re obviously happy together at the moment.

im just really tired of the nasty attitudes ive been seeing. sure theres are som toxic people on both sides, but to me its obvious which side is being the bigger bully. reality checks needs to be put in place for some people, go outside and realize you are getting way too worked up over a tv show where plotlines are out of your control. if the show is ruined for you over one relationship then stop watching it.

[buddiebeginz]

Here’s another reason I’m confident Buddie is happening this season.

911 og and 911 Lone Star will essentially be competing with one another in a way that they didn’t before being on the same network. People might say well LS is in it’s final season so it doesn’t really matter but I’m sure it will matter to ABC if Fox can pull in higher numbers for the show they kept than ABC can for the one they took from them.

Despite all the talk about how homophobic Fox is they know Tarlos is a big draw for that show and will use them accordingly to get people to watch. They've already started using Tarlos on their social media to promote the new season.

No matter how much B*mmy fans want them to be their ship is not comparable to a ship like Tarlos. Especially not Tarlos in season 1 which had a lot of hype around them and was a will they/won’t they ship. I’m mentioning season 1 Tarlos because B/T is still a newbie ship like Tarlos were in season 1. Yet B/T hasn't had even half the development or promotion Tarlos did in season 1 of LS.

Despite how much a select few online yell about them B*mmy is just not a ship that is going to draw in a lot of new viewers. Some new people started watching the show after Buck came out but this was much more about Buck than B/T no matter what B*mmys say. Think about it you could replace T*mmy with any other guy and the reaction would probably have been about the same. That's because the big reaction (especially for people familiar with the show) was about Buck finally having his bi awakening. For those who were introduced to the show through clips of the kiss going around it was more of, oh look these two hot guys are kissing or oh look more queer rep let me check this show out.

Also listen to the things Oliver has said in interviews about the storyline. The messages he's been receiving from people have been primarily about people relating to Buck coming out later in life not about B/T. Yes some people like B/T and found the show because of their kiss but that's not the major draw and the ship is just not interesting enough (especially compared to other primetime couples and Buddie) to keep a significant amount of people tuned into the show long term.

Most primetime shows have a will they/won't they couple. For 911 that couple was Maddie and Chim for a long time. But going into s8 all of the big main canon couples are married at this point. I love all the couples on 911 and I love that they they're all settled and happy but the fact is happy settled couples don't bring in new viewers (Tim himself has even said as much before). So 911 is going to need a newer more exciting ship that will garner attention. If the intention was to have B/T be that new exciting ship I truly believe their relationship would have been handled a lot differently from the beginning.

Instead of them getting together pretty quickly I think things would have dragged out all season. Maybe after the bad date Buck and T*mmy don't meet for coffee and Buck thinks it's over only they run into one another again on a call and it's awkward. If they wanted to build the story and rope the audience in the show could have let us know there's feelings there between them both but neither wants to say anything. So they don't. Then Buck decides to go to a gay bar and runs into T*mmy again and sees him with another guy and that bothers him. And it's not until the end of the season that we get some big romantic moment showing that they do want to be together.

I'm saying all this to point out that if the plan was to build excitement for that ship 911 had time even in a shortened season and they didn't. Even if the intention was to leave us wanting more from B/T, just give us little bits of what's going on with them and fully develop them later in s8 they didn't do a great job with that either. Nearly every scene that B/T are in T*mmy comes across as a dismissive ass who just doesn't seem all that invested in Buck (including in the new deleted scene). They also had very little physical affection and often just didn't behave like a couple or even like two guys who are dating. I've seen people say that in scenes like the medal ceremony in 7x09 they would have never even known they were together if that was the only episode they saw.

My point is there is no way B/T can compete with Tarlos the only couple that can do that is Buddie. ABC and Tim know that if they even hint at Eddie coming out and Buddie canon no one will even remember that LS exists. The kind of attention that B/T has gotten will be nothing compared to the way the world is going to explode when Buddie goes canon. So many people (including a good number of B/T shippers who remain multishippers) have been waiting to see it happen for years.

This is no hate towards Tarlos and Lone Star who I love btw and I'm sad that show is getting canceled. I'm just pointing out that this is how networks think. I know Tim worked on LS for a while and I'm sure he still has love for that show and the cast but at that same time it's important for 911 to have high ratings if we want the show to continue long term.

I've been a fan of 911 almost since the show started and a Buddie fan pretty much as long. I've been hopeful in the past that Buddie could happen especially after the shooting. Which makes sense now given everything we've been told about how Buck was was probably going to come out in s4 and Eddie in s5. I lost a lot of hope for Buddie after s6 though. I wasn't even sure I wanted to keep watching tbh. Which is why I can't believe I'm at a point now where I feel more certain than ever that s8 will be our year. I know we've been hopeful in previous years but everything is pointing towards Buddie now more than it's ever been.

[buckgettingstruck]

https://www.tumblr.com/buckgettingstruck/756191320359534592/can-we-talk-about-ryan-using-the-word-hetero-for?source=share

I want to know your thoughts about Ryan using heterosexual male in interviews when talking about the coming out scene. The BTs love using this as Ryan “forcing” 911 or “confirming” that he wants Eddie to remain straight. 🙄 My view on those interviews was how he handled someone close to him coming out and wanting to use that as inspiration for the scene and it had nothing to do with Eddie’s sexuality, the future of the character, and Ryan “confirming” that he doesn't want to play gay.

oh god i didnt even remember that. i agree with you but answer under the cut because i got crazy:

but considering the 7x05 plot for eddie was about him and marisol outside of buck’s coming out stuff then i think what i said before still applies. hes dating a woman in that episode and has only dated women, so hes not really wrong to say it since theyre pushing that plotline 🤷‍♀️

(also i do wanna say dating women doesnt mean hes not queer but that was how he was being portrayed. so far eddie has only dated women. im a queer woman dont even start. btw this disclaimer isnt aimed at you anon 🫶)

also to our knowledge at least ryan is straight so it’d make sense for him to come at the scene from his own experiences of being a straight man who has queer friends. using their experiences is just a technique a lot of actors use. now of course he was given direction in the script and by the director so some of his facial expressions about certain things buck says are… interesting (which ive already expressed my opinions on like literally why did they do all that butni digress) but ULTIMATELY that’s how ryan came at the scene. the main goal was to get across that eddie would always be supportive of buck. ryan was supportive to his friend in his personal life so thats how he approached the scene.

ANYWAY. this horse has been beaten to death and then some at this point but im annoying and need to defend my guy who plays my favorite guy. i do not understand the rhetoric that ryan doesn’t want to play eddie as a queer character. ryan has played a gay character before and ryan has been supportive of buddie for years. like im pretty sure they didnt let him do interviews for a few seasons because he said something about eddie replacing abby in buck’s life and fox didnt want that 😭 he has also said in these interviews where he’s called eddie hetero that if the story were to go the buddie route he’d be down for it. if he wasnt they wouldnt even let the journalists ask the question.

RYAN ALSO SAID. BY THE WAY. THAT THEY WERENT SURE WHO BETWEEN HIM AND OLIVER WOULD GET THE QUEER ARC THIS SEASON. HE SAID THAT IN AN INTERVIEW. WHERE THE JOURNALIST ASKED ABOUT THE EDDIETOMMY STUFF LOU MENTIONED. IF RYAN WASNT OKAY WITH IT THEY WOULDNT ASK.

like ultimately i do think any time ryan has referred to eddie as hetero its just abc telling him to say that in interviews. like he’s a very eloquently spoken guy and in those interviews he’s come off more stilted to me. more rehearsed. but im also not a psychologist so maybe im reading this wrong

[chevelleneech]

Going to put it out there as well.

Buck realizing he has feelings for Eddie does not mean he will pine after him. He is dating Tommy and he is obviously attracted to him, so Tim Minear could very easily tackle that and then have it focus on Buck moving on. Eddie’s sexuality does not have to change nor even be brought up just because Buck might have feelings.

That said, I am intrigued by how Oliver saying he doesn’t want to play into the stereotype of “queer guy is secretly in love with his best friend” has now become the saving grace for BuckTommy. Because what Oliver wants doesn’t not mean that’s what he’ll get (although I do think Tim is likely to take it into consideration), but also having Buck potentially come to this realization does not automatically mean it’ll be done stereotypically.

Buck has a situation going with a man that can lead to him having a boyfriend. Buck is happy, he’s figuring himself out, and that’s great. However, having a bisexual character realize they are in fact bi, then have them realize they also have deeper feelings for a person in their life who has been there for them through thick and thin and whom they treat essentially like a life partner, is not the same as playing into a tired trope.

I completely understand where Oliver is coming from and why he wants to avoid a negative experience for Buck, but Buddie is not some new friendship on the show. They have been through hell and back and Oliver also said he could see an interpretation of 2x01 where-in Buck’s reaction to Eddie joining the team was rooted in jealousy and attraction. Meaning, even by his own words he thinks there is space to write Buck as having always had these feelings.

Regardless, as I’ve said before, the show has a lot of clean up to do concerning Buddie. I’ll keep reiterating that does not mean Buddie has to become canon, but there are a lot of canon jokes and scenes that pointed toward Buddie being romantic without ever committing because neither Buck nor Eddie were ever intended to be canonically queer. Except oops, now Buck is canonically bisexual so people are wondering how previous moments between him and Eddie are meant to be perceived. Which is fair.

Because Tim can’t make a character who was theorized as queer for years, queer, and then not follow up on all the reasons people thought they were queer in the first place. He either has to state this is a fresh season and everything prior has to be essentially forgotten in order for him to move the character forward, or he must address it. He could have it brought up as a joke again and squashed it or he can create a storyline that allows him to play into it and give a final answer.

Which… the latter does appear to be what he’s doing now. Or so I hope, because stringing it along does not make sense to me.

[maygrcnt]

I do agree with your last reblog but the thing is, that isn’t a sentiment that just exists in the fandom, it’s something both Oliver and Ryan have talked about, especially Ryan, albeit with more sincerity than the fandom often does. He shared how important Buck’s coming out to Eddie was for him in the context of: a bisexual man opening up to his heterosexual best friend about his sexuality, and having it make no difference on the love and affection he holds for him. He talked about how that scene was reflective of a very similar, very significant moment in his real life. He’s also talked about the importance of seeing a deep and vulnerable friendship between two men on screen when talking about buddie in past interviews as well. I know actors don’t have full creative control of what happens with their characters, so how Ryan sees buddie and what aspect of their relationship is important to him may not matter in the grand scheme of making buddie happen, but he definitely has some say (as seen by the switch from queer eddie to bi buck) in the story and if he feels the platonic friendship aspect of their relationship is an important enough story to tackle, that may influence what is written and what creative decisions are made by Tim and TPTB. That’s not to say Ryan wouldn’t be on board with canon buddie, because he has said in the past he could be, but right now, the view he holds about this relationship is that it’s a deep and loving platonic bond between two men, with the added layer that one has come out as bisexual and the other one is straight. And to that point, while we do have ample representation of deep and vulnerable friendships between two straight men on screen, how many solid, deep, and vulnerable friendships do we have between two men on screen where one is straight and the other is not? The number isn’t very high. That is representation that is needed. Not to say that the, ‘romantic slow-burn between two male best friends’ isn’t needed or wouldn’t be revolutionary, just offering an alternate perspective. I would also argue that while we have seen many solid male friendships in media, we haven’t seen a friendship between two men like Buck and Eddie’s (even before Buck came out), and some may say, “well that’s because they’re clearly not just friends, there’s more there, purposeful or accidental”, I agree, but at the end of the day, the romantic side of buddie is predominantly subtext that we pick up on through metas and analyses (and sometimes just our eyes) but the general audience does not. Quite a few people that I know that watch the show, but aren’t in any of the online spaces connected to the show, view buddie as really good best friends. I’ve even pointed to certain moments that we in the fandom have pinpointed as more than platonic but they say, “friends can do that too.” Of course, heteronormative ideals play a role in their perception of things but I would say the romantic elements being subtextual at best doesn’t help the situation of their perception. There’s also the mention of their natural chemistry, Oliver and Ryan’s, with each other. Both have either said, or at least heavily implied, that they aren’t directed to act “romantically” in their scenes. What we see is just their natural chemistry at play. So, if that is just how they naturally, as actors, act as two people who are best friends, what’re we supposed to say to that? I hope you didn’t find this to be dismissive or offensive. That wasn’t my intention. I’m with you in terms of how I view buddie, I’m just trying to understand and contextualise them in the other perspective.

respectfully anon, i think the issue with the “we need more male friendship” take is not that platonic male friendships CANT exist in media without them being turned romantic, but instead that there’s absolutely no feasible reason it can’t be simultaneous. fans can want two guys to date while also being appreciative of the friendship they have on screen. i know you don’t mean this towards me personally i promise, but i swear there’s no one more appreciative of buddie bestieism than me. that’s the whole reason the ship EXISTS is because they have such a profound and natural friendship. to quote the big man him self “[the friendship] is really the core of that coupling”. like no one who ships buddie is ever saying that male friendship is unnecessary or that buck and eddie ARENT an example of intimate male friendship, there’s just a little something more that’s fun to explore!

[bsd-elle]

Thoughts on the SK8 The Infinity Episode 12

So the final episode just aired. And I’m having majoorrr mixed feelings.

This show was truly something that kept me going, with it’s story, animation and the whole found family thing. I have loved this show from the beginning and I will till the end.

But as a lot of people in the fandom I do have some strong opinions on the finale

First off, I just want to say that everyone is allowed to have their own opinion but please do not send hate or any negative energy to studio Bones and Hiroko Utsumi. They have worked incredibly hard on this series. In fact I put them on a pedestal for giving us something so poignant and wonderful during such trying times. I looked forward every Saturday to watch the new episode and that feeling, that rush while watching it, never changed throughout the show’s run!!

Now on to my thoughts on the finale.

1. Shipping

I saw many people in the fandom criticizing the studio for queerbaiting. Now I can definitely not give an accurate perspective on this, as I am not part of the LGBTQIA community, though I am a strong ally.

Let’s talk about the main ships: Renga and Matchablossom

Renga: In my opinion they’re pretty much canon. All the hints, the loving looks, Langa jumping to hug Reki, Langa basically saying Reki is his happiness, Reki wanting to skate beside Langa (Infinitely). In my eyes, they’re canon.

Of course it would’ve been amazing to have a canon queer relationship, but we have no idea what happens behind closed doors. The rules in Japan, unfortunately are totally different from other progressive countries. As someone who lives in a country where they just decriminalized gay marriage, seeing canon queer relationships is honestly rare.

I think they did whatever they could to show that Renga is canon.

I mean come on, Langa basically said he liked Reki in episode 8

I think it would be very very cool and progressive to have a them outwardly admit to it, but we know both these dumbasses never finish their sentences. lol

I’m happy with the way their relationship evolved.

Matchablossom: I honestly can’t give a clear reasoning to this, because personally I don’t ship them. But the thing is, they could be canon, who knows?

I mean everyone was talking about how Joe went out with 2 girls in the end sequence and because of that they aren’t canon. But by that logic we couldn’t ship them from the beginning, since Joe kissed girls in the first episode.

I mean I totally headcanon that Joe is a bisexual king, so that means he could be hanging out them girls while still majorly crushing on Cherry.

Who knows, maybe Joe brought the girls to Cherry’s signing on purpose to make him jealous. Lol

Let your imagination run wild, people. It’s up to your own perspective. I personally don’t ship them, but I don’t think it’s queerbaiting when you pretty much have several hints to them caring deeply (love) about each other.

2. Story

This is where the critiquing comes.

One of the main reasons why I loved and still love Sk8 was one, obviously because of Renga and two because I absolutely loved the story.

From eps 1-11 the story was so compelling and written in such a fantastic way. Every week I’d have some assumptions and every time it would completely blow my mind.

In particular ep 10. When I originally saw the title “Dap not needing words” I was so worried.

They need to talk, they have to communicate. But wow, that episode was just phenomenal, if you guys want me to make a review on each episode I would be happy to, I have so much to say.

Sure, ep 10,11 was wayyy too rushed, but I just know it’s because they had to fit a lot of story in such a little time period. If they had maybe 24 episodes, they would’ve knocked it out of the park.

Either way I had no complaints.

My issue with ep 12 is the beef: Adam Vs Snow

I thought animation wise and as a beef it was really impactful (similar to Reki Vs Adam)

But why God, why did they give Adam a redemption

I’m sorry but he doesn’t deserve it.

I knew for a fact that as much as I wanted Adam to go to jail (so badly), I knew it wouldn’t happen. That was just not possible (in my eyes). I thought they would take a page from Fugou Keiji: Balance Unlimited, where his family (those evil ass aunts) and send them to jail (for clear mental, physical abuse and who knows what else), and Adam would go in isolation somewhere.

There he could properly heal from his trauma and abuse, work through it, heal his relationship with Tadashi and just work to be better.

There was a part of me that expected the show to end with a typical “oh we’re all friends and everything is forgiven” bullshit and I prayyedd that wouldn’t happen

But boy was I wrong

Why did they try to sympathize with him?!?

I get it, he’s clearly had severe trauma and abuse, and he uses skateboarding and entering the “zone” to get away from his terrible reality.

But why did they have Langa say this to him??

“Skating is fun because you can do it with your friends!”

It’s sweet that he’s trying to teach Adam what Reki taught him, but this implies that Adam is his friend. Or atleast that’s what he wants

“hey, you’re a crazy monster and you assaulted my friends (boyfriend), but I still wanna skate with you, cause it’s fun with friends”

I’m sorry, in what universe is this.. your friend?

Your actual friend, Langa, who taught you everything you know, who’s been with you from the start, he has been attacked and traumatized multiple times by Adam. Not to mention several other people.

I could’ve accepted it if they used the line

“Don’t ever end up on your own”

That makes more sense in this context, it’s like saying “hey you evil monster, you’re crazy but don’t end up alone, treasure the people in your life”

I think that implies more on the sense that Adam has to figure shit out on his own, by himself. Not with Langa and the people he’s assaulted.

Then it would make atleast a bit more sense to heal Tadashi and Adam’s relationship.

You just cannot build up a character like Adam, for 12 episodes and then completely forgo that for the sake of “friendship”, that just makes no sense

Not to mention, Kirako the detective, the fact that she worked so hard and got absolutely nothing, is preposterous.

That whole thing put a really bad taste in my mouth.

Also, during the beef, like I mentioned, Langa basically implies that they should have fun because they’re skating with friends.

This basically just throws out Langa’s friendship with Reki.

I mean Reki was so badly hurt and injured after their beef, both the times.

Yes, he did have a lot of fun and that was the point of ep 10, 11 to show Reki that he didn’t have to skate to be the best (like no one ever wass.. dun dun dun. If you know that reference, here’s a chocolate) he skated to have fun(even though in my eyes, he’s the best)

Ep 12 was that arc for Langa, for him to realize he also skated to have fun.

But when you’re condoning and encouraging Adam, idkk.. it just rubbed me the wrong way.

I didn’t like it at all. They made him into a gag character in the end scene, which is literally the opposite of what he’s been pictured for the past 11 episodes.

3. Side characters

Shadow did not deserve that in any way whatsover.

He was completely glossed over. I thought his injury would be a pivotal plot point for improving his relationship with the manager, but they just used it as a way to remove him from the tournament

Tadashi, babyy, that’s Stockholm syndrome

When I saw that dog comment:

Godd... he deserves so muchhh moree..

So, overall the finale, honestly disappointed me. But my love for sk8 is everlasting and the finale will never change that

4. Future

Hopefully, and I pray for this

A season 2, movie, OVA or anything tbh.

There’s so much potential

Reki and Langa go to Canada, they visit Oliver’s grave, Langa teaches Reki snowboarding

Kirako finally arresting Adam

Tadashi becoming true friends with Langa, Reki and the gang

Shadow getting the love he deserves

Matchablossom canon

Renga canon

Miya getting the apology he deserves

But whatever it is, Sk8 the Infinity owns my heart and I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life.

Other than reading Renga fanfiction

[solange-lol]

i don't need three bars to tell me we're meant to connect

words: 1,997

AUctober day 21: academia

read on ao3

—

There’s a boy in Will’s Intro to Writing class, and Will is in love with him.

Maybe love isn’t the right word, but he’s definitely encased by this guy. He has dark hair, dark eyes, and he’s way smarter than everyone in the class which is something Will can seriously respect.

Every day at 2pm he logs on, never really quite sure what’s going on in the class because he’s too curious about what he’s wearing or if Will can get some sort of idea as to who his roommate is. 

In a normal circumstance, Will would consider maybe introducing himself, or at least trying to catch this kid at the dining hall. For now, though, he’s stuck staring at him through his tiny computer screen.

This whole Zoom class thing limits what he can learn about this kid, especially since he only has two things hung up in the background of his call: a pride flag and a poster for a card game Will has never seen.

All Will can know about him, for now, is his name is Nico, he’s gay, and he’s really, really hot. 

Which is enough for him to already be falling.

And by some ungodly power, his friends already knew, too.

Will’s roommate, Connor Stoll, probably figured out the day he just so happened to walk past Will’s desk just as the blonde had pinned Nico’s screen to his computer (he was just trying to get a better look at what his shirt said.)

“Stalker much?” had been the only thing he remarked. Of course, less than a week later and he was already getting advice on how to ask Nico out from Connor and his boyfriend, Mitchell.

“I don’t even know him,” Will points out, to which Connor responds with, “You know him enough to care about what’s written on his shirt.”

He rolls his eyes. “That was a one time thing.”

“Trust me, Will. If I managed to get this one to ask me out, I think you can ask out someone,” Mitchell said, slugging Connor lightly in the shoulder who only nods proudly.

When that hadn’t turned out to be much helpful (Will isn’t exactly the best at just doing things,) he opts to ask Lou Ellen and Cecil, the two kids he had met in the first week of classes

They had been introduced when the teacher put them in breakout rooms to get to know each other in small groups. Will knew both already vaguely: Lou was also in his Chemistry class, and Cecil lived on his floor.

The three ended up bonding over their shared love of Star Wars and inevitably made a group chat together to share homework answers for the class or discuss whatever the weekly drama was that they were able to catch bits and pieces of. Turns out life is just as eventful even when everybody is stuck to their own dorms.

Will had barely been able to get two words out to them on FaceTime before Lou interrupts him.

“You need help asking out Nico from our writing class, don’t you?”

Will just blinks. “How did you know?”

“Because you mention every day what he talked about in class today.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, and you asked me if I knew what floor he lived on,” Cecil adds. “I was betting on murder, maybe, but once Lou Ellen told me it was probably a crush it made a little more sense.”

Will shakes his head. “I’m gonna choose to ignore the murder part.”

“I sent Mitchell after you. Isn’t he supposed to be a love expert or something?” Lou Ellen asks.

“That was you? I thought that was just Connor oversharing his roommate drama with his boyfriend!”

“You really think Connor has enough brain cells to do all that? The kid can barely remember what he has for breakfast most days,” Lou rolls her eyes. “Look, the best case scenario, he’s your soulmate and you guys get married and have a million kids.”

“I don’t even know if I want kids-”

“Fine, dogs, whatever. Worst case scenario, classes are all online this semester and you literally just don’t look at his face for the rest of the year.”

It’s a good point, and Will really is seriously considering it now, but there’s still one thing standing in the way.

“Okay, well, it’s not like I can really ask him out,” Will points out. “We’re barely allowed to leave our dorms, and I don’t know if a Zoom first date is the best idea.”

“Then just figure out a way to get his number. That way, you two can talk, and when this whole quarantine thing is over then you’ll be close enough that you can finally go on a date,” Cecil suggests.

Both Will and Lou Ellen nod enthusiastically.

“Cecil, that might be the smartest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Lou says dreamily. 

“Now we just have to figure out a way for Will to get the balls to actually do it.”

Will gasps, fake hurt. “I’ll figure it out, thank you very much.”

They continue discussing their plan before Lou Ellen inevitably notices that they’re in fact, 15 minutes late to Intro to Writing.

As the three scramble into the Zoom meeting at the same time, Will may or may not notice Nico bite back a laugh. He decides being late was worth it.

—

When Will’s teacher put him and Nico in a breakout room together, Will knew this was probably his chance.

That is until he has to go and make a fool of himself.

“I like your duck tree,” is the first thing Nico says when they enter the room, referencing the mini fake Christmas tree (even though both him and Connor are Jewish) that’s covered in all sorts of rubber ducks behind him. It was their 3am creation after moving into the dorm, which featured a midnight run to the dollar store and two noise complaints from their neighbors.

And, because Will can’t take anything seriously, he makes the mistake of talking.

“Thanks,” he says, then before he can stop himself, “Did you know they have curly dicks?”

Nico snorts. “What?”

Realizing what he said, Will just has to push through. “The ducks. It’s like a corkscrew shape.”

“Ah, gotcha,” Nico nods. “Is that your topic for your paper?”

Maybe explaining himself wasn’t a good idea.

“Nope, just, uh, something I learned in Biology when I was a freshman.”

Nico nods again. “Cool. So what is everyone’s topic?”

Yup, he blew it. Asking Nico out might take another decade now, or however long it takes for Will to regain his dignity after that interaction.

—

It’s another few weeks before Will actually sees Nico in person for the first time.

Ever since their breakout room conversation, he had only interacted with the boy if it was for class. Slowly but surely, he was healing from that mess of a first introduction.

That, of course, all went out the window after Will nearly ran straight into him on the way to his dorm after spending the weekend with Lou Ellen at her parent’s house. Meanwhile, Nico must have been on his way out.

Will almost didn’t recognize him when they bumped into each other, too panicked about running straight into someone he didn’t know. Once he recognized the wavy black hair and olive-toned skin, he knew immediately who it was.

Nico was shorter than he had thought he would be, almost a whole half foot smaller than Will, but that didn’t make him any less attractive. In fact, he was so, so much cuter in person than over a screen.

“Hey,” Nico grins. “Duck penis kid.”

Will ran straight into that one.

“I have a name, you know,” he narrows his eyes. “And like, actual interests.”

“Besides ducks and their breeding habits?”

“Yes, besides that. I wouldn’t exactly consider that an interest.”

Nico raises an eyebrow as if he’s skeptical, but his smile gives it all away.

“Well, I do know your name, William,” he says, and Will nearly passes out right then and there. “Do you know mine?”

“It says your name on Zoom, Nico,” he responds as casually as he possibly can. “And it’s- it’s just Will, actually.”

“That’s not what it says on your Zoom name.”

“Well, that’s-” Will flushes. “That’s because I don’t know how to change it.”

“Well, I guess you'll have to remind me to teach you if we’re ever in a breakout room together again,” Nico laughs. “I’ll see you around, Will.”

He heads off, and before he can stop himself, Will calls after him.

“Wait!”

Nico spins on his heel at the bottom of the next staircase, looking up at him with those dark eyes. For a moment, Will completely forgets what he wants to say.

“Um, would you want to, uh, play GamePigeon sometime over iMessage?” he offers. It was the ‘foolproof’ invitation that Lou Ellen had come up with, considering it’s something they did on a near-daily basis.

“Intro to Writing isn’t the most interesting class— well, maybe you think it is, I don’t know— but maybe, if you want a distraction one day…?” he continues, trailing off hopefully at the end.

Nico winces. “Oh, uh, I don’t have an iPhone, sorry,” he says, holding up his Samsung as proof. There are two little charms hanging off the phone case: a small rainbow and a skull, which makes Will melt a bit. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help his case at all.

“Oh, okay, then can I maybe get your number? Just… in general?”

Nico grins, raising his eyebrow again. “Are you asking me out, Solace?”

Will fights the heat creeping to his cheeks at the use of his last name. “Um, yes? If you want? We can’t really go out right now, Nit we could just talk? See if we work as friends and then maybe reconsider that date thing if you’re up for it? Because, uh, I think you’re cute, and we’re both queer, and I noticed your Ramones shirt the other day which is super cool because my dad introduced me to that band, so there’s something we have in common. And, uh, we can talk about whatever else you’re into, but I just thought I would take my chance because I’m into… you,” he rambles out.

Nico just blinks, and Will wonders if this was the best or dumbest decision he’s ever made.

“Or… or not,” he adds on, just in case.

Nico laughs, which is totally adorable, but also totally activates Will’s fight or flight. Before he can escape to his dorm, though, Nico holds out his hand.

“Solace, please,” he says, still in the same light, laugh-y tone. It takes a second to activate in Will’s brain that he’s asking for his phone to put his number in.

Oh.

Will steps down the staircase until he’s at the same level as Nico, pulling his phone out of his bag and handing it to the boy.

Nico stares at it. “Uh, you might want to put your passcode in first.”

“Right, right, sorry,” Will takes it back, unlocking his phone and finding the contacts app so Nico can put in his number.

This time when he hands it back, he’s smiling again. 

“See you in the Zoom call,” he tells Will, before turning the corner around the staircase, and Will realizes he should probably get back to his dorm if he wants to make his 7:00 Chem class.

It isn’t until he’s back in his room, listening to his professor drone on about chemical properties when he finally opens his phone. He taps on the contacts app, just checking to make sure the entire interaction wasn’t a fever dream.

Just as he expected, a new number is embedded in his contacts. Nido di Angelo. Next to the name, the duck emoji and the eggplant emoji.

Yeah, he was never going to live that down.

—

solangelo tag list (message to be added/removed): @unicornsgomooo @anxiouswinter @soulangelou @number-of-fucks-i-give-0 @underworldystuff @theeloquentsnake @solangelover@thefandomsaretakingover @internallyexplodingrainbows​ @hairasuntouchedaspartoftheamazon​ @motivatedcryptidtamer @emilyfairchild @wherethewildthingsare-nt @hetapeep41 @blavk-dahlia

[buddiewho]

What’s it to you?

*Long post ahead

There is something on my mind. It’s called Occam’s Razor. The definition I know is, or rather the interpretation in my head is, it’s a gray area, a fine line. So for example, when it comes to Buck and Eddie, I do believe they play right on the Occam’s Razor. The fact that they could be this or they could be that, riding that fine line, which one is true? 

Picture this and imagine you’re seeing jealous Buck:

Option 1: Jealous Buck idea pushes the razor to the more romantic, buried feelings thing we Buddie clowns are thinking about. 

Option 2: If you don't view it that way, you could then simply see Buck maybe panicking because of his abandonment issues. For example, Buck’s reaction face becomes more like heyo Eddie doesn’t just get to so easily partner off with another firefighter outside the 118 like that [in this case being him or Hen as Eddie’s only option Buck accepts] until they finally ease into helping the 126 with these fires, Buck himself even. 

Option 3: We’re speculating our asses off no matter if you believe in option 1 and/or 2, and we do not yet know what’s going on in this scene...

Therefore we’re split down the razor’s edge. Then I also think of this video. The fact that Buck and Eddie fall under the “just let the bromos be homos?” category. They have the cooked up potential for something more and not to just remain a “healthy male friendship.” When we have proper queer representation in combination with “healthy male friendship” then we can talk about the latter. I’m trying to rack my brain for healthy male friendships, but I come back to that video and the laundry list of mlm couples in the just let the bromos be homos category. My brain wanted to say FinnPoe from Star Wars as a healthy male friendship, but then that’s still part of the same category and all I can hear is Oscar Isaac praising the notion that these two characters could be falling in love during wartime...but apparently Disney/the world isn’t ready for that...? 

The problem is I cannot think of any representation for healthy male friendships. I keep thinking Shawn Spencer and Burton “Gus” Guster from Psych, but even then there were definite issues surrounding their friendship...if you watched that show. Now, with that show I did believe that Shawn Spencer is bisexual, but I don't headcanon that his awakening happened with Gus. It just happened and he’s known about it for most of his life (like since 18 probably) and Gus knows it too. But again it’s never explicitly made so, it’s always hinted at though. Also, don't get started on Teen Wolf if you’re thinking about that one. I don't pay any attention and maybe it’s because I may not be seeking it out...but I cannot think of a single thing I’ve watched with healthy friendships, save for perhaps in Thor Ragnarok the trio that is Hulk/Banner, Thor and Valkyrie when they’re not fighting each other. Though, there is the case of Gary and Miranda in the BBC show called Miranda. They could’ve had a good run as just friends, but clearly it wasn’t unheard of to think of a hetero pairing starting off as just friends to become more, obvi. Back to 911...

As we teeter this Occam’s Razor, all I ask for is explicit admittance from Buck that he is bisexual. Just for him to say it to close friends and family.  For him to feel okay with the fact that he likes boys too. So yes, he has little or no experience, but he can’t help but feel attracted to men as well. Banking on the South America exploration/runaway to expound on this some more. That yes, Buck has known about his bisexuality and does know how he truly feels, but for whatever reasons he’s not ready to show/tell those true feelings to anyone else. For whatever reasons he had to build/hide behind the chaotic sex addicted punk persona that he named Buck 1.0. 

I also don't believe that everything needs to be boxed into a corner. 911 was the show that sparked a procedural TV drama to life and thus it created 911 Lonestar as a way to probably showcase a different state and how they handle these emergencies/fires. Who the hell knows, perhaps it’s just for more money? It’s just I don't think it’s a matter of 911 is the mostly “hetero show” whereas 911 Lonestar is “the show for the gays” because it has the canon gay couple. Well, for the record 911 also has a canon lesbian/gay couple; Hen and Karen. What I mean to say is that irl there are LGBT+ folk everywhere, therefore more of them can appear as characters in 911, or even in Lonestar as well. LGBT+ people live in CA and TX; sometimes 911 did the peripheral gay couples who found themselves caught in an emergency situation (the boy with the crush outside the coffee shop, that couple in which one of them had tapeworm and Buck nonchalantly just yanked that thing out...and then of course the older couple who were so graciously paralleled to Buck…). Oh, you can’t forget Josh in 911, who also seemingly thought Maddie was once setting him up with Buck. Also note it wasn’t written as Buck denying Josh on that thought. He just ran with it, no qualms, and we didn’t have some unnecessary “no homo” backlash which leaves room for us to say wait, a gosh darn minute? Are we still leaving room for Buck figuring something out and/or coming closer to accepting himself? Ps. It also wasn’t written for Maddie to decline the notion either. She of course jokingly said her brother wasn’t good enough for Josh and honestly, I think we got {Oliver playing} Buck as a bit offended by Maddie doing that. 

Buck is also a double edged sword. So is Eddie. You have two men presented as so strong, so masculine that the instant it’s thought they might like men, it’s damaging to their masculinity somehow. That’s called toxic masculinity which is something Buck and even Eddie occasionally fall into. I think they’ve definitely grown out of that with the help of others and each other even, but I think this is why us crazy shippers wanting Buddie and/or Buck revealed as bisexual is so jarring to others- Toxic masculinity? Fragility? The fact that if men like Buck and Eddie are viewed to be gay/bi then it hurts this notion of what it means to be a strong man. But let’s box it into a corner because 911 Lonestar is the gay show and thus we think less of the characters TK and Carlos because they are gay- not all equivalent in strength to the “healthy male friendship” that is Buck and Eddie? When in fact the four of these characters have similarities? TK and Buck are so very reckless, dive in no questions asked kind of thing and it seems to me that Eddie and Carlos would be the take orders kind of men. They will fall in line with the occasional reckless decision...so therefore they have more similarities than just the four of them belonging to the LGBT+ community...or regardless of if they do all belong in that community together- the whole point is that in real life the Buck and Eddie dynamic of a friendship (or the possibility of something more, as one or both characters coming to terms with their sexuality) exists in the same world with relationships that are similar to TK and Carlos’. So the two supposed bromos (just friends) exist in the same world as the homos...therefore unboxing the shows from their corners entirely.

Another thing that I think this thing around Buck is falling prey to, is that bi guys are just faking it. It’s one stop on the way to figuring out that “they’re actually just gay.” Except no that’s not the case with bisexuality. For some people, it could be, but from what I see with Buck it’s not that at all. He’s bisexual, that’s that. 

Also, most everyone thinks those who ship Buddie want Buck revealed as bisexual to only be with Eddie and to see two sexy men get it on. Honestly, 911 Lonestar did provide sufficiently with that, because them TK and Carlos scenes are downright drool worthy, but that’s not all I came for. Anyway, I clocked Buck as possibly bi in season 1- the full moon ep, where yes he’s getting closer to Abby, but damn does he get on well with that gay guy who had tapeworm. Well, shit. Then after Eddie’s introduction they go on to parallel Buck to that older gay couple...anyhow, it’s just why keep putting Buck in a queer space and then not run with that? Yes, sure there are strong straight allies to the LGBT+ community, but Buck doesn’t read heterosexual ally to me, it feels more like the LGBT+ community is where he belongs. I’d say Eddie Diaz belongs there too, but he’s like a mystery on this front. I think he understands his feelings/attractions towards men and he’d respond like yeah, sure, they’ve been there, but I haven’t done shit about them and I haven’t labelled them [gay/bi]. What’s it to you? And if eventually this involved Buck, he’d be like yeah, so I’m head over heels for that smart and lovable reckless idiot, what else do you want me to say?

[lucky-fox]

Funnel Web - Part 22

First     Prev     Next

AN: So I’m currently writing a sort of side series, It takes place along side Funnel Web, but since it’s from other character’s point of view it doesn’t really add any plot points to the story that haven’t also already been seen in the story. If you want to be tagged in that let me know because the first part will be posted in the next few days ^-^

“So, you mentioned a few weeks ago something about liking this guy in your class ‘at the time.’” Chat Noir did a playful, slow-motion small punching gesture towards her. Ladybug rolled her eyes. “What happened?”

Ladybug sighed and walked along one of the rooftops. “I don’t know. I was disappointed in him because he wasn’t doing anything and then he offered an olive branch with the Lila situation in school and I just,” She sighed. “It’s weird. I don’t think I have a crush on him, but he’s definitely a friend now.”

“He wasn’t before?”

“We were friendly, but it was really just me going ‘oh he’s cute and it’s never gonna happen so might as well.’ and not actually being able to talk to him, you know?”

“I guess,” he said apprehensively, “but what made you think you didn’t have a chance?”

“Well, outside of the mask I’m not really, well at the time, I wasn’t really anything special. I was just some girl in the class that kept tripping over her words around him and my friends kept trying to play matchmaker and it was super obvious and really embarrassing. I didn’t have a lot of self confidence.”

“I remember. The day we met with Stoneheart. You were not, well, who I see before me.” She laughed at what he said. She was definitely not confident in herself that day.

“Yeah, that’s basically how I saw myself.”

“So, what about now? Do you think you’re worth his time?”

“As the future rising star in fashion MDC?” She smirked. He gave her a surprised look. “Well, I’m thinking about opening an online store so that’s still a maybe. But still. I would definitely be worth his time. But I don’t know if I want to be.”

“Why not? It seems like you put a lot into being into him.”

“That’s the thing. It started out as a simple crush. He was nice after an incident was cleared up and I saw something that I still haven’t seen again and I just... I don’t know. But then the girls in my class decided to feed the small spark with gasoline, and it just kept getting more and more out of control. I don’t know how much of it was actually my own feelings and how much of it was them projecting their crushes onto and through me.”

“Interesting.” Chat Noir said. He was quiet for a few minutes. “How long were they doing that?”

“Basically since I told my closest friend at the time. She told them and all of the sudden I was their new pet project.”

 “So if you aren’t into that guy anymore, does that mean that there are any other boys on the horizon for you?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I’m kind of tired of the schoolyard drama of it all.” Marinette really was. It was exhausting trying to keep up with the convoluted schemes that the girls had come up with trying to get the two alone together. Dealing with their disappointment when she failed in their eyes was even worse. She needed a break from the set ups and meddling. “Why? Trying to get a sense of the competition Kitty?”

“Buggy, you’ve already taken me out of the running. I just want to make sure that whoever comes next is good enough for you.” There was a laugh in his voice as he said this.

If any statement were to knock the wind out of Marinette Dupain-Cheng, that was one of them. She never expected it either. She should have expected it, though. Chat Noir thinking he was out of the running. She shouldn’t really be surprised. She’s rejected his advances often enough. But to hear him say he thought he was out of the running.

“If that’s what you think, Chat Noir.” She sighed. Ladybug lept of and left a very confused Chat Noir looking around and trying to figure out if he heard correctly.

Taglist is still open and under the cut ^-^

Taglist: @clumsy-owl-4178 @lil-1254s-blog @ladybug-182 @syddles-the-squiddles @corabeth11 @little-lady-bird @fandom-trapped-03 @starpony999 @anapatty26 @gwennex @heaven428 @blackkatvixen @mcheang @melicmusicmagic @elmokingkong @arsaem @lilkymilky @toodaloo-kangaroo @loysydark @theanxiouscupcake @finallyaniguana @its-salty-bug @your-cool-queer-older-sister @shamefullove @whatsupwithjinx @niftyshiftyminty @emilytopaz @chrismarium @trippingovermyfeet @the-navistar-carol @aestheticnpoetic @rianoel @lavenderjunes @nach0ava @uwuteamleader @lusicing @thezestywalru @mochegato @smolplantmum @suzen23smith @kaithehero @eliyah-de-dark @spicybelladonna @random-anxeity-dumbass @anna-blossom-child @votederpycausemufins @marinettepotterandplagg @joejosyxd @soap-lady @malevolent-magician @t1dwarrior-of-earth @kking13 @miraculous-simmer7 @thesarcasmofshan

[lonelier-version-of-you]

God, that was such a good episode. I mean, I still don’t like Lucky’s SL but even that had redeeming factors (the romantic subtext between her and Max, plus Vineeta Rishi’s acting), and the rest of the episode was great!

Henrik and Oliver, my disabled genderqueer bisexual beloveds. Seeing these two share a storyline has been SUCH a treat, you have no idea. I’d forgotten just how much I love Ollie!

James Anderson is already giving some truly brilliant performances and he’s only been back for one episode. He is just so. damn. good. (I remember reading in the Holby book, an interview he did where he mentioned Ollie’s brain injury SL - mentioned it vaguely, of course, because it hadn’t aired yet, but he was saying how important it was to him to get it right and do the topic justice. And you absolutely can see how much effort he’s putting into it even now. What an amazing actor.)

Guy Henry was fantastic too. That scene with Henrik and Ollie in the garden was one of the best scenes to come out of Holby in a long, long time - beautifully written, beautifully acted. It actually felt unfair how good that scene was, it was much higher quality than you could ever possibly expect from Holby these days.

And I am SO glad they haven’t forgotten Ollie’s brain injury or magically cured it. Really, really glad. They’re actually putting the effort into portraying it long-term (even if it is a bit ridiculous that he’d work as a doctor again this quickly, but I’ll put that down to the fact that the show’s coming to an end soon so they couldn’t exactly wait some more years before bringing him back). For a show that usually sucks at disability rep, I am quite impressed by this.

Speaking of disability rep, even Jason was good tonight! He actually felt like a person tonight and not the 5-year-old in an adult’s body he’s usually written as. I think it helped MASSIVELY that his primary interactions were all with other disabled people (Ollie and Henrik), so they couldn’t really write him to cater to the abled gaze like they usually do.

Meanwhile, on the Weekly Henruss Watch: we didn’t get much content for them tonight, and Russ just disappeared after the first half of the episode, but what we did get was very enjoyable. They just SCREAM “here’s another one of those ‘I hate you but actually I secretly fancy you and I’ll probably end up making out with you in the middle of an argument’ Holby pairings”. And Russ breaking into Henrik’s office just to flirt with him (ok, and to talk to him about Ollie, but mostly to flirt with him)? Absolutely ICONIC. I love them.

Also, tonight Russ demonstrated the classic queer inability to sit properly. And he wore an outfit that was so terrible it looked great. I love him so much already.

Lucky’s storyline... eh. NGL, I find this storyline rather boring. It’s the same story that’s been told in media a million times before, did we need another iteration? I get that no one’s going to exactly react well to the news that they’re paralysed for the rest of their life, but I can’t imagine that literally everyone’s reaction is to jump to the extreme end of that and decide they want to die. But god, the media would have you think that’s the only way it ever plays out. Even just a slightly different take on things would’ve made this storyline more interesting.

Admittedly, it may be slightly more justifiable in Lucky’s case, given they seem to be trying to indicate (they certainly made it pretty clear last week) that she’s no picture of mental wellness herself and hasn’t been for a long time - in fact, that her career as a mental health nurse may be about helping others because she doesn’t know how to help herself - and this is simply what’s pushed her over the emotional edge.

Also, I like the romantic subtext between her and Max, like I said earlier. They really are just pretty much being written as girlfriends at this point, aren’t they? And Vineeta Rishi’s performances these last few weeks have been amazing - I feel really bad for thinking she was mediocre before, because it turns out she can give a great performance when it counts.

Josh’s storyline has a lot of potential, but they NEED to make sure they don’t mess it up. It’s a subject that needs more awareness in the media, and they’ve got a more than capable actor for it - Trieve Blackwood-Cambridge is incredibly talented. If they get it right, then maybe before the end they can finally redeem themselves for all the terrible mental health storylines we’ve had over the last few years.

Also, this isn’t really relevant to anything, but it was nice seeing both Eli and Henrik stimming a lot tonight.

[takaraphoenix]

So I just finished the third season of The Bold Type and oh boy did they drop the ball in this one. I... really enjoyed this show until now but this season was just so intensely exhausting and honestly cringey.

The only good storyline was Jane’s. Her finally dumping that cheating piece of garbage. The way they handled her surgery and recovery and the struggle she had. It was incredibly emotional and well-paced and I genuinely loved the way they handled it.

-

But everything else was... pretty much garbage, in my opinion?

-

I mean, Sutton? Sutton and Richard, getting married, after being in a relationship for what, five years? And... they never actually talked about their future? They never talked about having kids? I hate this dumbassery of “let’s get married but like we never actually talked about how we imagine our future” and the way they handled that, with how Richard behaved? How he placed all the blame on Sutton? What in the world was that? She put her life on hold for him, repeatedly. It wasn’t because of her job that you guys hid your relationship for so long, it was yours. And when you decided to go to San Francisco for a job, she was just 100% behind you.

But now she’s deceiving you because... she... doesn’t read minds, or what? Saying “I want something like they have” is the broadest, least specific bullshit. Something, what? Their career, their marriage, their house? That does not specify that you want children. Saying “I definitely want children” is how you specify that you want children. To only blame her for not telling him that she didn’t want kids...? When two people are in this relationship and neither of them actually spoke up about their wants and needs here? That is equally both their fault.

Not to mention his... his reaction. Just, his reaction to everything.

When, only two months after the miscarriage, she wanted to have sex again and he just immediately goes “so x position is better for conception”, that was just... incredibly insensitive. I don’t know about anyone else but me, but... two weeks after losing a baby to already try again seems incredibly early and to overrun her like that instead of first, in a quieter moment, address the issue? Not to mention that this was an unplanned pregnancy and she just started a new, busy job so it really wasn’t a good fit time-wise.

His reaction to when she told him she didn’t want babies? The throwing and trashing stuff? It just will never sit right with me when men express their anger/frustration by smashing and destroying things right next to the woman. It is purposefully intimidating and reads far too close as a ‘replacement’, which also is always intensified by the woman jumping away instinctively, as Sutton did. Not... Not a great move. Really creepy.

And then they just... end it. Just like that. After this entire show had their will they won’t they build up to them getting married, it all falls apart like that, so unceremoneously and Sutton goes onto a completely self-destructive tour of discovering that she is, after all, no better than her mother, putting her somehow even below square one.

-

The worst offender however is whatever the fuck this show did to Kat. And to Adena. But let’s start with Adena.

Adena, an out and proud lesbian, a Muslim, a woman of color, a feminist. And now... a biphobe, apparently? Wow, that’s just such a great look on her.

It’s incredibly OoC for Adena. This woman, who met Kat when Kat was still thinking she was straight, who supported Kat through her self-discovery. And while Kat used “lesbian” as a self-identifying label twice in previous seasons, she always more leaned toward “queer” to label herself.

So to now have Adena, whose entire character was always about lending women a voice and standing up for them, who always supported Kat, who met Kat when Kat was still very much busy sleeping with men, now act biphobic when Kat comes out as bisexual...? It just... It really fucked Adena over.

Especially the garbage she was spouting. That if Kat now liked men, did that make Adena “just a phase” and were her feelings for Adena “even real”? That is just the most bottom of the barrel biphobic talk, this felt like someone just did one quick google search on biphobia and crammed them together and made Adena say that. It... just didn’t feel authentic for Adena, after how she had been represented so far and how she had acted and handled Kat’s journey of self-descovery.

I understand that they really wanted Kat to face biphobia and I genuinely did love the bonding moment that gave Kat and Oliver, but there was absolutely no need to throw Adena under the bus like this. They could have literally gone to that stupid lesbian-exclusive party and just have... have some random unnamed character act biphobic?

Considering this wasn’t even meant as a lasting plotline that’d be pulled through as a proper arc, because two episodes later, Adena suddenly got over her biphobia. Which is just another thing that makes it more ridiculous, because a woman like Adena, who is deeply involved with the community and who is strongly opinionated, would - if she really was biphobic - not just change her stance on that in like two weeks just because...?

It really showed that they used Adena not as a character but as a plot-tool for Kat’s plotline and it did Adena such a disservice - especially since she is one of your four (4) queer characters and she is your only lesbian.

Don’t validate negative stereotypes like prickly lesbians who only date Gold Star Lesbians because otherwise the lesbian feelings between them just aren’t lesbian enough and like how would she know they’re real if her partner isn’t also a lesbian?

And yes. Yes, I am well-aware we have a huge problem of biphobia within the community. I am well-aware that these type of lesbians exist. But, as mentioned above, they could have taken a minor character only introduced for this plotline to deliver this biphobia, instead of throwing their only lesbian character under the bus like this.

Adena is such a brilliant character and she is... so much representation? I mean, she is one of only four queer characters, of only two queer women, she is the only lesbian, she is the only Muslima, she is one of the only two women of color in the recurring/main cast. I genuinely don’t understand how you can look at a character like that and go “ah yes, let’s just temporarily antagonize her for another character’s plotline, which goes entirely against her own characterization so we will actually also totally backtrack on it after all is said and done”, because it’s... I don’t think there’s a real word for what this is, but it’s bullshit, to say the least.

-

Now about Kat. Who finally figured herself out this season. And then just immediately had to deal with the biphobia, but not for too long because that’d be too distracting, we have too much to do in throwing her character under the bus too, after all.

I mean seriously, Kat’s a biracial bisexual liberal woman, who had an entire season-long plot about being a liberal woman trying to carve a space for herself, for her community, against bigotry. Both, her being biracial and her being bisexual, has always torn her and made her not fit quite in and made her look for her place to belong and she fought hard for it.

So the natural progression for her character truly is to make her date a... I really do not want to type these words together, to be quite frank... but a Republican lesbian. And not just... be with her, but “come around” to her viewpoint. It was essentially throwing out the long-suffering plotlines of Kat fighting hard for her spot in favor of now being downgraded to a bar-tender who is fascinated by the Republican POV on life.

They really used Kat to antagonize liberals as sensitive snowflakes and show that “Republicans can be serious and have good points too!”. They turned Kat into a... clumsy oaf, at best, the way she handled herself around the politics this season? After she literally ran for office before, trying to become a politician herself? But now she is swayed or fascinated or whatever for “the other view-point”?

And just the timing, to have a “Republicans aren’t that bad!” angle in your show while Republicans are literally busy running your country into the ground? Ya really thought this was a great angle to work with? And for her, of all characters?

It made... absolutely no sense with how Kat had been portrayed so far to have her enthralled by this bullshit spouting Republican, because “different views are important and can be insightful”...

There are angles where, from a storytelling POV, you can introduce various views and make it very interesting to watch, but if your way of introducing this other view is literally by her defending her homophobic father who wants to help pass a bill on conversion therapy, I’m sorry there is absolutely no listening to that.

And that’s not being emotional. This is directly about the lives of human beings. There is no discussing that, there are no other opinions on the matter of whether or not children should be tortured into being straight.

And having her, very lacklusterly, say that she personally is against conversion therapy means... it... it means literally nothing if she is not speaking up about it and instead wants to bury evidence about her father supporting it and has no problems with him supporting it in the first place.

The ““cutesy”“ situation of her threatening to get Kat fired over this, Kat actually getting fired and her then accidentally getting Kat fired from her next job, just to graciously help her keep her job after all like some White Republican Savior was... very cringey to watch, but so was honestly every single interaction between them, based on the juxtaposition of those characters.

I’m sorry, as a lesbian, I have intensely strong feelings about how they utilized lesbian characters for bullshit agendas this season. First Adena for the biphobia angle and then writing a Republican lesbian in there to like... sell Republicans?

I just... genuinely can not grasp what that storyline even was, because it honestly just felt like Republican propaganda? And yes, propaganda. Because it undermined the already established liberal character that Kat had been, made her not entirely turn toward being Republican but suddenly be oh-so open minded about the views (after this plotline was literally introduced through, and I will say it again, conversion therapy. I mean seriously, you could have a liberal and a Republican have conversations with each other and “see each other’s points of view”, but you absolutely can not have that after introducing the plotline through one of the most horrific things that can happen to our community). They portrayed Eva as the understanding, calm, rational, charming party in this and made Kat the overly angry, emotional and downright doe-eyed one who learned so much from Eva, while not having Kat teach Eva anything. This was never portrayed as a mutual seeing each other’s viewpoints; Kat was the only one who changed over this storyline. And that is what made this not feel like an “equal opportunity POV exchange” storyline but like propaganda.

-

My very last critique point is the oversexualization of absolutely everything. I mean, yes, this show has always been very sex-positive and about women embracing their sexuality and I absolutely support this message. But... this season went... beyond that? It wasn’t just sex-positive it was downright negative on no sex. The utter despair for sex and linking it with success?

The plotline of how Jacqueline wanted to show women in “power” through fashion, but it was all about owning their sexuality and the first pitch immediately included lingerie. And worse yet, that thing where Ryan and Jane were not having sex.

The freaking intervention. Because... she was having a genuinely good time just having spa-days with her boyfriend instead of fucking like rabbits every hour of the day? That they literally put an intervention together there. That not having sex is oh-so bad, even though honestly, until that intervention, Jane did not look unhappy.

I just think that a show that praises itself on its queer viewpoints and puts the queerness so very front and center needs to step up their game and start including an asexual viewpoint. Both, in the show and in the magazine itself because everything they write and do comes back to sex and it’s starting to get really, truly tiresome.

Sex-positivity doesn’t have to mean that you reinforce that to be a strong, independent woman you have to have sex and that a relationship is only successful if they have lots of sex.

[mortuarybees]

Exclusively For People Made Feral By “You go too fast for me, Crowley.”

The kind of fanfiction I enjoy is the kind which requires me to take a decompression breather every paragraph or so because I’m repressed and tenderness is physically painful. i want there to be yearning and pining and brooding and ultimately, intimacy: fics which embody the mortifying ordeal of being known, as well as the reward of being loved in the end. So here are the fics I’ve read that satisfy this requirement, or in some cases are just extremely tender, in no particular order, with a quote that made me absolutely wild, as well as a few things that aren’t fic

another soul to cling to by strawberry_bee/my best friend @femmeaziraphale​

Crowley is born a run of the mill angel. There is only one catch though. He is given a prophecy by God to be the first and only angel to fall in love. That's clearly off the table when he falls from Heaven though, right? // in progress and the only in-progress fic on the list but it is Too Good and also i have a direct line to the author and they will finish it

“Do you promise to stay still if I turn out the lights?” Aziraphale asked.

“The dark is a demon’s favorite place to be,” Crowley joked, feeling the urge to make light of the situation. He rather felt like he was being taken on a jaunty little date, human skulls included just to woo a demon in the right sort of way.

“Quiet, foul fiend,” Aziraphale said, snapping his fingers again. They dove into darkness, and before Crowley could find some sort of clever quip, he felt Aziraphale’s arms about his waist. His brain turned to mush, the only thing he could think of being ‘oh, so this is love’ before he felt Aziraphale’s lips brush gently against the edge of his mouth.

“Thank you, my dear,” Aziraphale murmured, before pulling away. Crowley reached out blindly, coming up with nothing. He turned to the entrance, spotting the outline of Aziraphale as he ascended. Crowley leaned against a wall, hand resting against the forehead of a skull.

get religion quick (cause you’re looking divine) by brinnanza:

So it was fine. Even if Crowley couldn’t love him, he clearly liked him well enough, and that was almost the same thing.

It no doubt would have continued to be fine, or at least fine-adjacent, were it not for a narrowly averted apocalypse and several bottles of a really quite nice Riesling Aziraphale had found in the back room of his newly restored bookshop.

“I love you, do you see? Not for work. I’m - I suppose you could say I’m in love with you, to use a human phrase.”

Crowley went very still. Aziraphale withdrew his hands and folded them primly in his lap, moving back to their more customary distance. “It’s quite alright that you don’t love me,” he hurried to add. “It doesn’t change anything. I just wanted you to know in case... Well, anything could still happen with our superiors, you know? Neither side is probably very pleased with us at the moment.”

Crowley stared at him over the rim of his sunglasses, looking rather stricken, and he was making an odd, creaky sound like a strong wind through a poorly-sealed window. The mostly-empty wine bottle he’d been holding slipped out of his loose grasp and clattered to the floor, wine drops spattering on the hardwood. “Aziraphale,” he said finally, voice ragged, “what the fuck are you talking about.”

a home at the beginning of the world by stereobone (explicit)

"Oh," Aziraphale says. "I think Crowley might have moved in with me." // okayokayokay there’s Meaningful Interior Decorating and a couch metaphor and like the fact that they actually goddamn brought That Quote into it...unacceptable

"My dear boy," Aziraphale says. "You could have said something."

"But we never do that," Crowley says.

He's back to worrying at the fabric of his trousers.

"Besides," he says. "Didn't want to go too fast for you."

Aziraphale feels something swell in his chest, and it feels all encompassing. Like love and heartbreak at the same time. Like being back at the Eastern Gate watching Crowley slither up to him for the first time, question everything while Aziraphale himself was trying not to. He's spent so long, too long, telling himself he could never be ready for this. He reaches out and grabs Crowley's hand, stops him from worrying at his trousers any further.

the nuances of ‘together’ by mirawonderfulstar

Everybody in the whole world can tell Aziraphale and Crowley are a couple. Everyone except, apparently, Crowley.

“Oh, don’t look like that, my dear.” Aziraphale said airily. “I don’t mind sharing.”

“It’s—that’s not the bloody point.” Crowley exclaimed, his feelings from the last week finally coming to a head. “Why do people keep assuming we’re together and why do you keep letting them?”

Aziraphale froze, a forkful of chocolate cake halfway to his mouth. He looked like he’d just been slapped. He was focuing very hard on a spot over Crowley's shoulder and his eyes seemed rather wet. Crowley felt a panic begin to slither up his throat, constricting his breathing. He wanted very much to say something, anything at all to make Aziraphale stop looking like that, but he had no idea what.

a culmination of miracles by prettydizzeed

Crowley has chronic pain, and six thousand years later explains that to Aziraphale. I adore the small intimacy of Aziraphale asking him to print him articles about it so he can better understand, and their characterizations, and it seems so much like an exchange from the book I’ll likely have difficulty remembering it isn’t canon in the future, which I’m fine with.

“I don’t read books,” Crowley corrects. “The occasional article, well, maybe.” He figures he’s going to need to extend as many olive branches as he can find, so he adds, “Some of them help. Sometimes quite a lot, actually.”

“Could you—would you print some for me?” Aziraphale asks. “I’d like to understand better.”

“Yeah,” Crowley says, looking at him as long as he can bear. “I’ll do that.”

the hour/the spot/the look/the words by planethunter

Crowley watches Pride and Prejudice (2005) and it spurs a realisation. // fuck guys it’s literally about the hands and perfectly captures like nothing else does the feeling of watching Pride and Prejudice (2005)

One of his hands rests over the other, the tips of his fingers cold. He watches as Darcy takes Elizabeth's hand, gentle, like handling a bird, their fingers curling over each other's. He mimics the gesture with his own hands, brushing his fingers over one another. Slowly, slowly closing them to a grasp. Opening them again, brushing his knuckles with his thumb. He continues, back, and forward, watching with mild fascination. The sensation relaxes him, like a trance, and he only feels some sensation building inside him when it had risen so high that he had to sigh to release it. Now his hands lie still, holding each other limply. He releases them, letting his fingers brush past each other on the way. When he looks up, the television had cut to adverts. 

covet by mirawonderfulstar

pining aziraphale and an amazing confession scene that i absolutely adore.

Aziraphale, little good though it did him, wanted desperately. He wanted with an urgency that scared him. He wanted wine, and cocoa, and the occasional tea. He wanted gravlax with dill sauce, and Pappardelle Bolognese, and those awful little iced biscuits they had at Tesco at Christmastime. He wanted dinners at the Ritz and long walks in the park and late nights in the back room of his shop. He wanted Crowley. Fervently, achingly, he wanted Crowley.

a city wall and a trampoline by kafkian

5 times Crowley knows he’s in love with Aziraphale + 1 time he knows the reverse.

Crowley has a system in place for dealing with moments like these. He developed it sometime in the fifth century, when it became clear that the thoughts and feelings the angel inspired in him weren’t going to go away, and neither was the cast iron certainty that they were largely unreturned. The angel loves him, of course, but only in the slightly absentminded, mandated way he loves all other living things. Crowley has long since made his peace with this. It just stings a bit sometimes, like taking a sip of tea so hot it burns the roof of your mouth. (Not that Crowley himself has had this experience. He has gathered from the mental exclamations of many, many humans, however, that such a mishap brings forth a similar sense of aching hurt, betrayal and a wistfulness that things might be different.)

The best Crowley can do is just let himself feel it – let the love go through him, unnatural and sticky though it may be, always trying to glue itself to the inside of his veins – and wait for it to come out the other side. Sometimes it even works.

such surpassing brightness by handful_of_silence

The revelation that Aziraphale might have been in love with him for thousands of years is surprising. The fact that literal books have been written on the subject comes as even more of a shock.

Crowley had always assumed – perhaps disingenuously – that Aziraphale was like most other angels. Capable of grand expressions of love when it came to humanity, but generally avoidant of the topic personally. A love for all things, a love for Crowley even, but the love of a kind, well-meaning relative who sends birthday cards on the wrong day and with a fiver inside with a note to buy something nice like you're still at primary school. Love but distant, separate, and impersonal.

But now, at least according to the rumours, Aziraphale had spent most of the medieval ages playing wingman to a bunch of queer martyrs and church-folk. Which meant that there must be something there, a comprehension of love beyond his angel-standard, over-arching love for mankind. That Aziraphale could, and apparently did, pick favourites.

That he could, just possibly, feel love himself. On an individual level.

listen (he’s already told you five times) by darcylindbergh

Not everything Crowley says is said out loud. Aziraphale doesn't always hear him at first, but he's learning to stop being surprised. // love!!! languages!!

He wonders what Crowley can feel through this touch. He wonders if Crowley can feel him back.

“I’ve never felt anything like you,” he finally says, looking up to meet Crowley’s eyes. They’re wide, awaiting judgment: something in them is terribly resigned, but when Crowley tries to draw his hand back, Aziraphale doesn’t let him go. Instead he steps in closer and says, at nearly a whisper so as not to startle, “What I mean is, you’re beautiful.”

There is a pause, and then Crowley says, soft with surprise, “Oh.”

Aziraphale kisses him.

tell me all the ways by tinsnip

One little speck of sentiment: was it so much to ask? // crowley struggles to tell Aziraphale how he feels out loud; he finds a way around it. pairs well with the fic above, I think.

“I’m not smitten, angel. I wouldn’t say smitten.”

“Oh?” He’d looked at Crowley’s hand in his, looked back up. “And what would you say?”

Suddenly a change in Crowley’s posture, a tilt of his head; there was the sideways smile. “I’d say I lust after you, angel. I covet you. I idolize you. But... smitten? I mean, honestly.” And Crowley had shrugged, as if that had been that.

For some reason, this morning, that hadn’t been enough.

“And?”

“And... and what?” Crowley had looked a bit desperate.

Aziraphale’s mouth had tasted like tea and toast. “And you love me.”

penance by blissymbolics (explicit)

It’ll happen, Crowley tells himself. This time, it’ll finally happen. // it’s porn with feelings, crowley has a praise kink, just read the tags if you’re interested

Maybe being deprived of his right to come was a necessary component of being a demon. It was permanent, chronic proof of his disobedience. But fuck, God already gave him his snake eyes and revoked his retirement benefits. Messing with his dick was just foul play. It probably violated the Geneva Convention.

Around the turn of the twenty-first century, he began to think that maybe it’d be best to just accept his lot and call it quits. It’s obviously never going to happen. So why keep torturing himself?

Or at least, that’s how he felt before Aziraphale. Before a certain day in the year of our Lord, 2019. Before he felt a shift in the solar system, and knew that they were now spinning together as one gravitational unit. They shared the same space. The same time. And on one occasion, the same bodies.

Also, I wrote a fic: all i need, darling, is a life in your shape

it’s about repressed aziraphale and pining and it was inspired by strawberry blond by mitski.

Not Fics But Fuck, Man

Meta: why is aziraphale so gay? by dictionarywrites on ao3: a very extensive meta exploring how aziraphale canonically presents himself as a gay man, and why exactly he does that.

this crowley space meta and this crowley space meta really fcking did me in

the unadulterated yearning in this mitski-inspired art by @poladraws i think about it at least once a day and it is. A Lot

this from eden fan video on youtube

this two part amnesia post by @thealogie like i don’t even fcking like amnesia fic but like. “this discovery and several other little reactions of yours have led me to believe that the Other Me, that is the Me that has all his memories, has let standards slide and is not doting on you as he should be. are you cared for? do i need to kick my own butt?” oh my goddddd

@mulderswatch made a spotify playlist titled angels dined at the ritz hat makes me personally suffer every single time i hear it. he began it with predatory wasp of the palisades (”touching his back with my hand, i kiss him / i see the wasp on the length of my arm”) and ended it with strawberry blond by mitski (”can you hear the bumblebees swarm? / watching your arm / i love it when you look my way”) his  m i n d

The best anon in the world asked me for my mitski a/c song associations and here it is

[greenhatsinthesky]

lockdown film no. 33 - Gladiator (2000) dir. Ridley Scott

13/05/2020

- I saw this film the first time when I was maybe 13? My dad decided that it was time for me to watch this Oscar winning epic, but we had to watch it in two parts because it was so long, and pretty damn violent for squeamish, baby me. Me and Dad managed this all in one, seven years later

- the opening is… really something isn’t it

- (just found out it was filmed in Surrey. Gutted)

- I got shivers right through to my scalp when he made that first speech to his soldiers that ends with “Brothers — what we do in life echoes in eternity.” Genius (there’s a chance it was because my room is the temperature of the arctic but nonetheless it was very moving)

- I had a foley workshop this morning and my tutor was talking about how foley should be subtle, but often the sounds need to be exaggerated so we’re absolutely sure that what we’re hearing is what we’re meant to be hearing. Likely because I came in with that mindset, they went absolutely ham thick on the foley for the opening battle scene

- “Enough of politics. Let us pretend that you are a loving daughter, and I am a loving father” — the fact that this line was said quite gently by Richard Harris’ Caesar Marcus Aurelius makes it so heartbreaking because there is absolutely no pretence that their family’s relationship is outrageously dysfunctional, and that’s not even getting onto the incest

- Joaquin phoenix is great in this. When he’s told he isn’t going to be emperor he’s like a stroppy kid who just wants to make his dad proud of him and now he’s a psychopath. That scene’s fantastic anyway, I love how the statue of caesar is right on commodus’ shoulder the whole way through, and really oppressive after commodus has killed Marcus Aurelius

- also fun fact about that scene — apparently phoenix was so stressed out about shooting it that he fainted right after they cut

- the little *fwoop* when he flipped the sword over was a bit much and then saying “the frost. Sometimes it makes the blade stick” before slicing the other guy felt a bit too bondy for this but you know what ? I respect the swagger

- there was an absolutely ineffable sense of dread and pure terror when the roman army was approaching maximus’ home and his son was running and waving thinking it was him. I hated that bit

- “those giraffes you sold me. They won’t mate. They just walk around eating, and not mating. You sold me… queer giraffes.” Whoever wrote this deserves every Oscar this film won, and I want it framed in my kitchen

- I enjoy the fact that they could have so easily done a training montage gladiator style when Maximus had been bought by proximo. Instead they took time to get a bit more into his character and for us to meet juba and the other gladiators. We didn’t need to see him training as a gladiator, that’s not what we’re here for. This film isn’t about fighting — sure, it’s got some great scenes in the colosseum which are entertaining to watch, and there’s stacks of gratuitous violence, but I feel in this case it’s warranted because you can’t get away from the brutality of the games in this context. The film itself is more about Maximus as a general, a gladiator, a husband, father and person and how he relates to the ever conflicting idea of “Rome” and the permanent violence it seems to require to keep that idea going under the reign of commodus. Maximus was required to kill in the army, but there it felt like it was for a purpose: to protect the idea of Rome and the emperor and the people that he cares—here he is required to kill just because he is required to kill. That would obviously change the dynamic but it says a lot about his character that he doesn’t seem to have any qualms about killing a person he doesn’t know for the entertainment of more people he doesn’t know and will likely never meet

- when Maximus walks through the cage it exactly mirrors the opening scene and him walking by all his soldiers as they salute him as their leader and I really liked that

- “i did not say I knew him, I said he touched me on the shoulder once” — why does this film have so many relatable lines 

- one of my favourite things about this film is essentially nothing to do with the film itself, and it’s how my dad will yell stuff from it at opportune moments. When I was learning to drive and going round corners, he would say “hold the line” like Maximus does in the amphitheatre. once, when we were climbing up a hill and it got a bit steeper near the top and I got a bit more tired and started to slow, he clapped me on the shoulder, pointed up the hill and yelled “STRENGTH AND HONOUR! HOLD THE LINE! STAY WITH ME!” just to encourage me up this hill and I love him so much for it

- absolutely cannot stand the bit in the chariot fight where the archer woman gets fully sliced in half. Couldn’t deal with it in 2013 and can’t deal with it now

- fun fact this film got the thumbs up thumbs down thing the wrong way round. In the scene where maximus’ identity was revealed to commodus, he moves his hand from a neutral position to his thumb pointing upwards, which means that he is sparing maximus. Often the emperor would use this code to signal to the winning gladiator if they should kill the loser. However, apparently thumb down didn’t mean “finish them”, it actually meant “throw down your weapon”, and the thumb pointing upward was meant to symbolise the sword thrusting up into the loser’s body. However this might also might be incorrect, I have not by any means done extensive research

- “it vexes me. I am terribly vexed.” Another classic dad quote

- just ruminating on ancient rome. Legitimately cannot imagine a worse occupation than being a gladiator. I’m sure if I thought about it a bit more I’d think of worse jobs, but right now, this is the one

- they used… real tigers for the scene with Tigris ??? Not happy about that. First of all, how ?

- I love the constant talk of the dream that was Rome, and the constant talk in tandem of the mob and how fickle they are. There is the dream that is Rome and there is the reality of the fickle mob. They obviously can’t coexist but those everyone we meet wants something better, in some way

- I don’t know if phoenix made a conscious decision about his speech but it really fit with what I said before about him being a petulant child because his speech didn't sound completely developed and reminded me of a child’s speech in how he pronounces certain letters. It adds so much to the character because he is a completely abhorrent person who wants to sleep with his sister and have a pure blood heir, have complete control over the roman empire and kill anyone who comes between his dream of what that empire could be under him. But then at the same time he sounds like a kid who’s not getting his own way

- I do not want a snake in my bed

- ‘“Strength and honour,” Maximus said to Juba. The two men smiled and rested their foreheads together.’ I did beam at this bit

- apparently proximo was meant to live in the original version of the film, but Oliver reed died during production, before all his scenes were filmed, so his character had to be killed. The last shot of him is from the back, so we don’t see his face, and a shot from earlier where he says “shadows and dust” is cut in right before he dies. The film was dedicated to reed’s memory

- OH another thing I Loved about commodus was how he had a white horse, and white armour in the final battle with maximus, while maximus has black armour, which is the standard. Because commodus has such an idea of who he is, and in his mind, he is Rome’s saviour, even though he knows full well he doesn’t have any of the qualities of a good emperor. White is typically the colour used to signify that a character is good, and pure, etc. so I really enjoyed the inversion of that to show commodus’ character and the character he wants Rome to see

- this isn’t a film about violence, it’s about a philosophy

- one last thing is that when I rewatch films to write up these things, I often skip parts because I get the gist of what’s going on and I don’t need to watch the whole thing. With this, even though it was 2 hours 35, I watched the whole thing, and I think that says a lot about how good a film it is

[leotanaka]

J. August Richards has an exuberance about him.

He has good reason. The actor, known his more than 30 year career which has included roles on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., The Cosby Show, Angel, The Practice and more, just landed a leading role on the new NBC drama Circle of Dads. On April 20, he also rocked the internet by coming out of the closet as a gay man. The unplanned admission generated came in the context of discussing his Council of Dads role as Dr. Oliver Post, a gay, married African-American dad. The series follows a group of friends following the death of one of their friend Peter. Oliver, and several other men, come together to act as surrogate fathers to Peter’s children and to preserve the memory of their friend.

“I read your site every day!” Richards belts as we greet him on the phone. We warn him that we will need to use that quote in our piece. The two of us have made some time to chat about his coming out, the new show, and his experience as a queer, African-American working in Hollywood for more than three decades.

Council of Dads airs Thursdays on NBC.

So you’ve had an exciting few weeks. Exactly how are you feeling? What’s the state of your life?

Thank you for asking. Empowered.

Empowered?

Aligned. Clear about my purpose. That’s how I feel two weeks later. I will admit that I was on a bit of an emotional pendulum. In my imagination, there was a reaction that was the best reaction I could possibly get, which was supportive. But it exceeded that. Also I really did not expect it to go past my social media page. So that was a bit daunting. That was part of the emotional swing I was on.

Sure.

I had no idea that it would be picked up on various sites, which it was. And I didn’t even have a publicist at the time…

Oh my.

Yeah. So that’s how unplanned that was. I’ve hired one since because everything was going so far so fast that it was all a bit overwhelming. But when it went so viral, it made me feel like this emotional swing toward oh my God, why would you do that? No one even asked. That was the ultimate overshare. But fortunately, the pendulum has swung all the way back into the position of empowerment.

That’s so wonderful to hear. Now, when you describe it as an emotional pendulum, what are you doing as you walk around the house? How’s your mood shifting? What are you doing to take your mind off it all?

Yeah, it’s always surrounding a triggering question or triggering comment that I receive that really only triggered the fact that I was not expecting this attention. So that was the only thing that would scare me. It wasn’t negative at all. But, like, when people ask me, “Aren’t you afraid of how this will affect your career?” That question would really trigger me. I’ve obviously thought a lot about it. And that question doesn’t trigger me anymore.

I’ve talked to so many actors who have gone through a difficult coming out process and immediately have their agents or managers screaming “Why did you do that?” So it’s good to hear that it’s been so empowering.

I have a great agent. He’s been really supportive.

Now, you’ve said before that you’ve been out to people close to you for years. Have you had any blowback? People saying “why didn’t you tell me?”

No. Not one person. Anyone who needed to know, knew. And there were people who didn’t need to know that knew, just because they saw me out, or I went to a party. I’m living my life and doing whatever I want to do for the most part. People who know me, in my life, also know that’s not the kind of question I would entertain.

So let’s talk about your new show Council of Dads. Your role as Oliver, you’ve said, was part of what inspired you to go public. He’s a gay man married to another African-American man Peter, played by Kevin Daniels, and the couple has children. For you as an actor, what is it that speaks to you in a role where you realize it’s more than just a job? In other words, when the role changes you?

You know, honestly, it happens to me every single time.

Really?

Every single time, yeah. I think of it as my job to put something deeply personal to put on the line for myself. I have to find it, and I do with every role. This one is unique in that it pushed me up against a wall that I had created for myself. I think it served me when it had to. When I first started in the business, there were very few opportunities for a black actor.

Sure.

I jokingly say “I was too busy being black to be gay.”

But the industry has shifted enough to where there’s more LGBTQ representation and more black representation. And I just wasn’t mature enough as a human being to walk through life as a black gay man. Now, at 46, I have the confidence and the wisdom and the knowledge to be able to take it on. The reason I ended up talking about it publicly was that I saw a huge opportunity to be observant in a meaningful way, and I just could not pass it up. It was a very person decision. I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t take the opportunity to continue a dialogue—it was started way before me. Black gay men, gay families—I would not have been happy with myself if I had not chosen to talk about it.

That speaks so well of you. One thing I really love about this show is the way it redefines community in a sense.

Yes.

There are right-wing voices that claim diversity is harmful, or focusing on it is harmful, that it’s all a myth. The series shows that community is defined by what is shared; in the case of the series, that’s a love for Scott Perry and his family. How do we encourage people to focus on what is shared, to accept one another?

Well, it oftentimes takes people knowing someone in a community, knowing someone that belongs to a community that is seen as “other” to break down that wall. Again, that goes back to the reason I decided to go public. The other great gift of coming out for me was that it made clear for me my true goal. I really want equality for all. I’m talking about groups that I belong to, and groups that I don’t belong to. Ultimately, we have to move toward a space where everyone can sit at the table equally. That’s one of the reasons I was so happy to be involved with this show. It has diversity, and it’s not cosmetic.

What do you mean by that?

It’s like there’s one of this and one of that. There are multiples of different in this world. As the season goes by, you’ll be able to understand even more what I mean by that. It really elevates the conversation about diversity in a way that I’m so proud of. You come home with Oliver & Peter. You come home with us, and a whole episode takes place in our house. So the other thing that attracted me to the show was that I’m not playing the “insert black gay guy here.” He’s a three-dimensional character. He’s not just the best friend. He has his own storyline. The character is not additionally marginalized by not giving him a full story.

I also love the way the show redefines masculinity.

Oooh! Mmhmm!

We have a trope in Western entertainment that fathers are either lovable buffoons like Homer Simpson or wisdom sages like Fred McMurray in My Three Sons. Either way, they are centers of authority and power. This show is different in that it shows men working together, sharing power, listening, conversing and making choices. It’s in the title: a council of dads. It’s not dictatorial patriarchy. Is that by conscious design, that Joan and Tony [series creators Joan Rater & Tony Phelan] had intended as much? Have you discussed it?

We’ve not talked about it, but I will say this: in developing the character one thing that you do as an actor is figure out the character’s super-objective.

Yes.

That means the one thing they want more than anything in life. It took me a while—call me slow—but I realized that what is important to Oliver is that he be a great father. That is the most important thing in his life. So I started to think about what makes a great father. I think the answer is different for each person depending on their father. So I think about Oliver’s past, and how his father did not accept him for who he was. He grew up in a household where he felt like an imposter, like love was conditional. He never got to fall into the arms of his parents and hear them say “You are ok as you are.”

Right.

So what makes a great father to Oliver is growing this invisible fence around the children where they are able to be themselves and thrive as who they are naturally, whatever that is. That’s what makes a great father to Oliver, and it’s a great gift that any parent can give their children.

Absolutely. As a working actor, I need to ask you about the cult of celebrity. In the social media age, actors are really encouraged to become a “brand” or a product to help promote their show. That includes putting private life on display. What is your experience dealing with that pressure? Is it fair to expect actors to perform on both sides of the camera, in essence?

Some don’t. There are still actors out there who don’t want to be stars, who don’t have social media at all. To a degree, I think it’s slightly a myth. Every job that I get there’s an actor in a pivotal role who is not on social media, or who didn’t have a big following. I don’t believe that a large social media following translates to viewers. If it did, Kim Kardashian would be in everything.

Lord help us.

So, like anything, you just have to decide who you want to be and rock out with that, win or lose. One of the places I’m at in my life is that I don’t feel like the world needs another f*cking celebrity.

[Laughter]

Nobody’s asking for one. I’m so tired of it. I’d just rather have an impact at some point in my life. If I can make the world a hair easier, or serve in the tiniest way, I’m so satisfied with that. The red carpeting thing is so played out to me. I’m so over it. So I think you’ve gotta make a choice about who you want to be, win or lose.

That’s great advice. So given the context of all of this, I also need to ask. This is a question that comes up a lot with actors I talk to. It came up with Billy Porter, with Nelson Lassiter, with Doug Spearman, and others. How can we encourage queer African-American men to come out and to feel safe in doing so?

That’s a big, big question. Number one, I’d say understanding. Just understand that it’s a lot to ask a person to own and take on another marginalized identity. As a black man moving through the world, you really have to live it to understand it: all of the concessions and adjustments that you have to make to the world just to get through your day. It’s a lot man, a whole lot. It’s a whole lot to ask people. I’m 46 now, and I said in another interview, if I had come out a day sooner, it would have been too soon.

Wow.

Only now do I feel like I have the understanding and the confidence and the clarity to move through the world as I do now. So the most important thing is understanding. I love the gay men in my life because they never pressured me to do anything. They only loved me and counseled me to be myself.

Beautiful.

Another way to help is to stand against racism. Working through the racism of our society might help people feel free to live in a world where they can feel like they can be themselves.

Amen to that. As a gay, African American man, what advice do you wish you could have had starting out in the business that you did not?

Actually I had wonderful mentors: African-American men who took me under their wings and advised me, counseled me, gave a call after auditions. Everyone showed up for me the same way they’re showing up for me now. My colleagues were the first ones to congratulate me.

That’s great.

But you ask me what I wish I could have known? That’s a difficult question. It was a different industry at that time. So I can’t answer that. I’ll have to think about it. It’s a great question.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Arrow: Present Tense (8x04)

I felt more emotion from William, Mia, and Connor in this episode's opening scene, than I ever have from any of them in the past. Let's dive in.

Cons:

Timeline stuff is always going to make things confusing and weird, but it gets even worse when you add in the logistics of stuff outside of the show's control. Because of the actress's decision to depart, Felicity can't be in this episode. But the longer that Oliver spends on his own earth in his own time, the weirder and stupider it becomes that he wouldn't be able to check in with Felicity and baby Mia. Last season we had this whole story where Felicity raised Mia in isolation, separated from Oliver because Oliver was already dead, or at least so inaccessible that it came to the same thing. Then, here, we see Oliver about to call Felicity on the phone, and he only decides not to because William says that time travel is confusing and they shouldn't bring her into it until they know more. That... is stupid. That is a lame excuse.

Also, Curtis coming back is always a treat, but he felt pretty useless here given that William can be a stand-in for any and all computer wizardry that might be required. I like that these two gay men get to be bad-asses and spend some on-screen time with each other, but I'm a little annoyed that William's sexual orientation gets trotted out occasionally but that we never really see him with a romance arc. Give this guy a boyfriend, stat!

Pros:

So, like I said, I felt so much more emotion and connection to all the future characters now that they are back here interacting with these people we've known for seasons on end. There were too many powerful moments to count. William running into Oliver's arms. Oliver's voice as he says "Mia?" and the look on his face when Mia storms away from him. Connor calling Diggle "Dad" over and over again, while Diggle remains wary. Rene rushing to be with Zoe after hearing what's going to happen to her in the future. Dinah's pep talks. Laurel's advice to Mia. William coming out to Oliver. Oliver learning that his kids didn't get to grow up together. All of this stuff added emotional stakes to the story in a way that has been seriously missing all along.

I like the dynamic between Rene and Diggle here. How does one react when confronted with a good friend and teammate whose son is one day apparently going to murder your daughter? But with Dinah out there as a cheerleader, encouraging everyone to fight for change, it looks like their relationship is going to weather the storm, for the time being. Same with Connor and Diggle. Imagine looking at a younger version of your father, and seeing no recognition or affection in his eyes. Mia and William are having a weird experience, but at least their dad remembers being their dad, and is eager to be around them. For Connor, his father is right there, but doesn't even remember adopting him. Diggle is of course much more concerned for the fate of J.J., and Connor is the one who has to come clean about what Diggle's older son has become. The drama and tension there is just so delicious.

Another great thing about the kiddos journeying back in time is that it takes care of some of the crappy implications of last season. I was so annoyed at the thought that all of the hard work of our heroes was coming to naught. We saw the future of Star City, and it was horrible. So all of the pain and sacrifice and hard work wasn't going to pay off. But now we have concrete stakes: Zoe is going to die. We have larger scale stakes: Star City is going to become a horrible and corrupt nightmare zone. And now we have a lot of highly motivated people looking to change that. It grounds Oliver's quest to "save the universe" into something more minute, something that we can really feel on an emotional level.

William's coming out scene was actually quite lovely, even though I do wish they would give him a romance arc. It was sweet that Oliver sat there and let him say it, and gently replied that he and Felicity knew, and were waiting for William to be comfortable telling them. You know, I watch a lot of TV. Way, way too much TV. Hence the name of this blog. But I have seen very few scenes of kids coming out to their parents. Men coming out to their fathers. Especially when it goes well, when the queer kid is met with nothing but love and support, and then it's not that big a deal and everyone just moves forward with their lives. So that scene was actually quite lovely to see.

Mia and Oliver have a bit of a bumpy start, but everyone's emotions make so much sense, and you can really feel how badly Oliver wants to connect with Mia, and how hurt Mia feels about growing up without him. The clinching moment is actually with Laurel, as she remarks to Mia that revenge isn't always what's right, and this convinces Mia not to go through with her plan to murder the bad guy. Mia is then able to talk with her dad about survivor's guilt, and what it means to lose people. I want to see this father/daughter bond grow over the remaining six episodes of the show.

I'm feeling so much better about things now that we have a concrete direction. All of our characters are in one place, more or less, and they all have a similar goal of preventing a horrible future for their beloved city and their loved ones. We still have the Monitor, trying to make Laurel betray Oliver, and this whole Crisis crossover finale looming, but I'm feeling like the season has a direction now, and I can't wait to follow it through to the end!

8/10