#and also don't let anyone make you feel bad for NOT trying to abstain

[kindahoping4forever]

PSA

If you are interested in remaining free of all tour spoilers, I'll be tagging all my show related posts with the tag: #the 5sos show tour.

If you still want to see content but your main concern is setlist spoilers, any discussion of the confirmed setlist or videos of songs from the show will also be tagged #the 5sos show tour setlist.

To clarify, setlist spoilers will sport both tags so if you decide to block them both, the post will show up like this:

And then if you see a blocked post bearing only the main tag, you'll know it's at least safe from song spoilers!

Happy tour season! 🥰🥰

[tomwambsgans]

sex, and your body alone, are tools. for tom especially, sex is more that than anything. he uses sex to exert/prove power (i feel godlike and horny), exert masculinity (or attempt to), to consummate a marriage, to create a baby, to manipulate... at best, and this is only speculation anyway, to strengthen an emotional bond. extend emotional intimacy into the physical. we know he and shiv aren't having much sex prior to the show's events, or at least haven't for a while, so.

straight up, on a sexual level i don't think tom has quite reached the point of understanding/accepting that he could actually experience pleasure. all notions of sex that he does serves a clear purpose outside of pleasure. meanwhile sex that is done to him, or any sex not initiated by him, is shown to be explicitly bad. either in practice or in his imagination. when shiv takes charge he either can't get it up, or he is literally hurt. emotionally and physically. he's emasculated by surprise by tabitha. he fixates on the idea of being sexually assaulted in prison. he does make a single allusion to masturbation and it's probably the actual most genuinely enjoyable (for him) and lacking-in-ulterior-motives sex act he's ever so much as mentioned - and by god, is it gay, too. or at least effeminate.

and of course that's what it's all about. the lack of heterosexual desire in tom and the presence of homosexual desires which, even if he represses them, give way to an internal sense of gender difference, and thus bodily difference, and thus an inability to let that body feel good. ("very high tolerance for pain and physical discomfort," anyone?) to act on a desire for men is to open yourself to the notion of being desired back by men, which is inherently vulnerable, inherently emasculating (for someone who hasn't had the opportunity to reconcile their gender with their desires), so of course tom can't do it. to get to the point of truly pleasurable sex he first has to get through the minefield of vulnerability-

but wrt the body... tom is also one of the only characters to ever explicitly enjoy what they eat. or even explicitly comment on the food in front of him in general (ortolan & gold vodka, try the sausage greg, the diner food...). he understands at least on that level already that the body can and SHOULD enjoy things. he actually appreciates the decadence he lives in and, for that matter, wants to bring greg into it. come on, greg, use your body to enjoy things with me. or here, greg, i'll help you redefine enjoyment, because we're gonna have to.

it's (deliciously) ironic bc of tom's unique brand of servitude and inclination to self-sacrifice and whatnot (but it also makes sense when you realize, in a way, that tom is clearly conscious of the notion of abstaining from pleasure as a form of heightening it later on). the building blocks for a self-concept that allows tom to pursue pleasure is not only absolutely there, but probably more there than it is for any other character besides greg.

[botaniqueer]

Forward: This post isn't meant judgmentally, targeted at anyone in particular or as a gotcha and I write in entirely good faith.

A question I have for white folks in particular (but also abled people, cis people, etc, but also everyone in general who votes) when engaging with electoral politics is, are you taking measures to protect the rest of us from your candidates? There's no perfect candidate for sure, but that means people will be hurt, and as voters we have a responsibility to call out and prevent harm that our candidates do; if we aren't then we're directly complicit in that harm. Are you willing to put your bodies and minds on the line to protect those who aren't going to be protected by those candidates? Because of the nature of US politics, our own candidates need to be challenged just as fiercely as if someone else got elected.

Again, I'm not against voting at all! I literally vote blue every time and in every election. I think there's strategic value in it, but we have to actually strategize, which hasn't been getting done. Are we actually engaging with why people are hesitant to vote? People use the "you're damaging your own cause!" whenever people seen as "scary leftists" participate in their actions, but it's never applies to liberal and electoral politics even though the same can be said. Trying to harp on and guilt people into voting when without engaging with why that is just damages the cause and pushes them further away. Also note that the majority of people critical of the way electoral politics are done are BIPOC; this is important to think about.

The democrats are objectively better for more people than the republicans, but there are people who are destitute to the point where those two parties are the same. Palestinians for example! Democrats also fund police measure against homeless folks as we see in the PNW, which is strongly blue. Indigenous people here are another similar group– the way indigeneity is legislated here, they're literally programmed to eventually go extinct from a legal standpoint due to the colonial law of blood quantum. Not to mention that reservations are literally, in their words, concentration camps.

Are you going to make things better for yourself and leave others to fall through the cracks? Or are you going to use that to lift everyone else up? This traditionally hasn't been the case, so if you want BIPOC voters to trust you, you have to demonstrate that you won't get attached to you candidates and hold them on a pedestal.

How are you going to assuage fears when people get anxious (and they will!) without also invalidating their fears (which is common under electoral politics votes). Can you do this without a lot of the manipulative tactics a lot of outlets use? (Blaming disaffected BIPOC for when things go wrong, using the "well the other guy is worse!" line.) Folks ask for 1000 step plans when talking about non-electoral political elements, but when engaging with electoral politics people treat it like magic, and if anyone falls through the cracks and complains, they're just being cantankerous. This is only a small percentage of the things that need to be considered.

Election season is also really retraumatizing for folks who have colonized backgrounds. Are you making sure we feel safe? Are we being thought about as real people, instead of just abstracts or as a resource to generate votes, but who are just being obstinate? (As opposed to again, real people with real motivations)

As a final note, people also comment on "Why abstain anyways when you know it's going to be bad either way?" for particularly marginalized people, and I think the answer (folks in those situations can correct me here) is that it's more cathartic to watch the people who let you slip through the cracks fall with you, than slipping through the cracks and watching those same people have brunch and pretend you and your problems don't exist. It's like being trapped in a room with only crumbs to eat while the people on the other side of the door throw a dinner party, and if you complain, yell at you saying that the other guys wouldn't even give you crumbs.

[msmargaretmurry]

"slow goodbye" leon/matthew

back at it again with the fic title prompts!! i have a few of these left and i am Determined to get through them by end of the long weekend. i was going to do more of them today but instead i went and bought a bunch of plants, and then i had to be responsible for all those plants. happens to the best of us.

(also, to the anon who send a pov flip ask like a month ago at this point — i promise i haven't forgotten about it! i will get to it. hopefully soon!!!)

ANYWAY: y'all can't get mad at me for this, because i didn't pick the title, and the title is CLEARLY for a breakup fic. i'm feeling something set during the 2022 battle of alberta series.

i think for this one i would lightly plagiarize myself by yoinking the structure i used for send me off to a foreign land, with play-by-play of that last game of the series breaking up the scenes leading up to it.

so matthew and leon have been doing the frenemies with benefits thing for a while — let's be cliche, let's let them have first hooked up at the 2020 all star game — hooked up one other time that season, then didn't again for a while because of all the covid chaos, and then started up again during the 2021–22 preseason and have been going pretty strong all season. they're not friends, not really, but they're both kind of soft at their cores, so hooking up a bunch has unfortunately fostered some fondness between them. and by "fostered some fondness" i mean that they're a little obsessed with each other. not that they'll admit that. possibly they won't even admit it to themselves.

the oilers get to town for the playoff series a couple days before game one and they decide, okay, let's just hook up once and then we're not talking to each other until the series is over. surely this is a good and fine plan and nothing could go wrong. leon sneaks off to matthew's for the evening, a process that is far too familiar by now. matthew offers him a beer, but won't be having one himself — he doesn't drink during the playoffs — so leon abstains as well. it feels a little weird because they usually have a drink first, but everything already feels kind of weirdly charged in a way leon can't quite put his finger on, so — whatever. they stare at each other in the foyer for a moment, and then matthew asks, "do you think this is a bad idea?"

leon says, "do you think it's ever really been a good idea?"

"fair enough," matthew says. they go upstairs, have some sex that is somehow tenderhorny and fucknasty at the same time. is it a teensy bit possessive? perhaps! there's just something about it that already feels strangely final. probably because whichever of them loses this playoff series is going to hold a grudge about it forever. possibly too much of a grudge to keep doing this. matthew is careful with leon's ankle without ever actually acknowledging out loud how transparently bad the injury is, which for some reason makes leon feel awfully vulnerable.

afterward when they're lying together all sweaty and naked, not quite cuddling but not quite not cuddling, after a long silence, matthew says without looking at leon, "i don't think i'm gonna re-sign in calgary."

"what?" leon asks, then, "why are you telling me this?"

matthew shrugs. "i don't know. i wanted to say it out loud, i guess. and i can't say it to anyone here yet. and i don't want to say it to my family yet. obviously if, you know, we win the cup or whatever, maybe i'll change my mind, but. i dunno. i think it'll be good for me to get out of here."

leon spends a long minute turning all of this over in his head and trying to process the strangely strong feelings he has about it. about matthew telling him — about matthew telling him, specifically, because he doesn't matter enough to keep it from him.

eventually he says, "well, you're not winning the cup anyway. because we're gonna kick your ass."

matthew snorts, but rolls onto leon to kiss him, and they don't wind up going again but they do make out for a very long time.

meanwhile in game five, leon is fully focused on the game, except for some fleeting moments between whistles when he finds himself looking for matthew. he's pretty sure matthew is injured, and he can't figure out if matthew was injured when they hooked up and he just didn't notice. the game is an absolute battle, lots of trading leads and tying it back up again, so he really needs to fucking focus. his foot feels like it's going to fall off. he wants to win so fucking badly.

and then — they do win. leon sets connor up for that otgwg and they are so relieved and so happy, and it's not until he's shaking matthew's hand in the handshake line that he realizes that the other night felt final because it was final. no one else in the world knows that matthew is probably leaving calgary, but leon knows, and he wishes he didn't. because if he didn't know, then he wouldn't have to wonder where he's going, and how much futher away it'll be.

he texts matthew after the game, even though he knows matthew won't want to hear it: good game. and good luck this summer.

matthew texts back: thanks. take care.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hello, looking for advice

tw for dissociation(?)

I have diagned ptsd, suspected dpdr as a result of such

usually, I'm ok with dpdr when it's in the back seat. my main relationship with it is feeling as if I'm a fictional character in a fictional story, which overall makes me feel more confident, safe, and I never feel overwhelmed or stressed. it puts a little strain on my personal relationships, but I'm more of an independent person anyway and I do have a few close friends also have a dissociative disorder and get it. otherwise, I'm totally able to function. I don't feel as if anything is real, but I have a strong sense of self and my memories as they fit into the "story"

however, it's been really really bad these past few months. I'm not exactly sure what triggered it but sometime in december I just lost my identity and feel like a shell of a person. I feel like nothing- no emotions, no memories, no personality. instead of things feeling fictional, it's more like I'm trapped in a blank void- there's nothing, real or fake, around me at all. I'm completely cut off from everything with nothing to hold on to. I don't feel like me. any time I try to reconnect with my personality, whether that be through hobbies or interests or my looks, it feels like I'm faking being me. like I'm forcing myself to be something I'm not, even though I'm just trying to feel that euphoric sense of self again.

I've also been struggling a lot with my looks? I look in the mirror and don't recognize myself and it's stressing me out. I have some level of dysmorphia (probably caused by dpdr's weird visual distortion thing) and it feels like every week I'm obsessing over a new physical feature I feel like should be different, when in the past I didn't even think about that stuff.

I'm honestly just looking for help on what to do. I am in therapy, and my therapist just recommended to keep trying to do things I used to like doing, but nothing is clicking.

how does one lessen the effects of dissociation/dpdr?? how do I break out of this fog??

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through.

Especially when you have PTSD, dissociation can become a common survival mechanism deployed during any level of stress. As someone with PTSD as well, please know that you're not alone in not just dissociating, but experiencing DPDR as well. It can be really distressing and disorienting.

This article has some ideas for dealing with the symptoms of DPDR, such as grounding exercises, breathing exercises, mindfulness exercises, and also to abstain from any psychoactive substances.

Sometimes for people who experience PTSD and dissociation, they may also be plural in the sense that the person you feel you are changes, which can include a change in likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. This can also manifest in the way you perceive your body as it may conflict with how you appear internally. Certain parts can also hold on to memories that others are left without. Ultimately it's up to you to define and describe your experiences, but I just want to help explore all possibilities.

It might be worth having a discussion with your therapist about needing to try something new because it sounds like just doing what you used to like doing is not enough. It may also be helpful to discuss some other reasons for why you may be feeling what you're feeling, and get your therapist's opinion.

If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[ceterisparibus116]

How do you think the shows would have resolved the Matt-Karen-Frank thing. DD 3 made like Frank didn't exist but TP established Karen as a big person in Frank's life. Even if a think TP 2 made her a little OoC fact is it's canon that she wanted to run with him, or at the very least keep him in her life, and I didn't find it very platonic.I love both relationships so I don't mind as long as it's an interesting story without soap opera melodrama, but I'd like to read another take.

Hey! Thanks for the ask. This is such an interesting question. I’m probably not the best person to tackle it, though, because I’ve only seen part of S1 of TP and haven’t seen any of TP2 except what pops up in, like, tribute videos on youtube. However, if you still want my take, for whatever it may be worth, here it is!

(PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND WITH SHIP WAR TYPE COMMENTS. This isn’t about pitting one relationship against the other; this is just my analysis of the characters’ personalities. Thanks for understanding!)

First, Frank. At the end of the day, I think Frank’s character would have to change dramatically for him to be in a romantic relationship with anyone. His motivation centers so much around his family already, and the show(s) would have to be VERY careful to give him a new romantic relationship without making it feel like this new person is replacing his wife and kids. The new relationship would have to be about Frank healing—but not healing so much that he doesn’t still run around killing people, or else he wouldn’t be The Punisher. That’s a very fine line to walk.

I’m not sure, from a storytelling perspective, that Karen is the best character to fill that role. She obviously loves Frank, and I definitely think there’s a mix of sexual/romantic attraction in addition to the purely selfless “agape” love (Greek definitions, anyone?) that I think she feels for Frank. So the potential is there for her to fill that role for his sake. But…what would that say about HER character? Karen’s views on killing aren’t quite clear to me. I still can’t tell how much of her emotion regarding Wesley’s death is because she’s associating it with the emotions connected to Kevin’s death. I also can’t tell how much of the guilt she expresses is guilt over doing something she thinks other people thinks is wrong vs doing something that SHE thinks is wrong. Or what about the fact that she kept it a secret, when honesty and truth are supposed to be core to her character? Maybe that also contributes to the angst. Maybe when you push all of that aside, she has no problem killing people she designates as “bad people.” Maybe in that case, she could be with Frank without compromising her morals at all.

But I don’t know. The show hasn’t convinced me that she WOULDN’T still have a problem with killing people, even people she designates as “bad people,” in a moral sense—and if that’s true, then how can she be with Frank without compromising her morals? This would mean that, for her character arc to be positive, the show has to prove that the belief that killing bad people is bad is wrong. Which is awkward for Daredevil, because that’s the opposite of Matt’s morals. Or the show could give her a negative arc, portraying her shift in morals as a problem, but both shows seem to try to portray her as someone the audience is supposed to agree with (regardless of whether we actually do), which means Daredevil would have to suddenly shift how she’s portrayed. (This would also be true if it’s revealed that she the belief that killing bad people is fine has been her belief all along.)

Could the show do all that, and do it well? Sure, if the writers are careful. But personally, I think a more natural arc for her would be to examine how she projects her own flaws onto Frank, trying to essentially heal/discover/justify herself through him. (At least, that’s how I interpret her behavior throughout DDS2.) I would love to see Karen recognize that about herself, and reach a point where she can care about Frank while still being able to call him out when she thinks he goes too far. Personally, I think this would be a lot more powerful (and true to both characters) if they stay platonic.

And that still leaves the potential for some delightful conflict with Matt. Stories need some conflict, after all, but it in no way has to be a soap opera. First, let’s assume that Karen doesn’t renew her romantic relationship with Matt at all. There’s still conflict because, though Matt clearly respects Frank, I doubt he’d be comfortable with Karen being close to Frank. This is great to explore because Matt already has issues with letting Karen make choices that he thinks are bad, and it would be great to see him accept (as he started to at the end of DDS3) that she’s her own person and he can’t control her choices. It would also be great to see Karen be more honest with Matt about the way she projects onto Frank, which would in turn give Matt greater insight into Karen.

(All of that could also be true if Matt and Karen got together romantically; I’m just saying that for Karen to not be with Frank definitely doesn’t mean she therefore has to be with Matt.)

As the three of them resolve this conflict, it would be great to watch them team up to take down people they all agree are bad. Maybe, out of respect for Karen and Matt, Frank would abstain from killing during the teamups. Or maybe Matt, out of respect for Frank (and also kind of Karen), would accept that not everyone shares his morality (although that’s harder to write in a genuine way, because Matt is also all about protecting people, even bad people, from death, and I have a hard time understanding why he’d be willing to let someone die without redemption just so as not to annoy Frank). No matter how it shakes out, it would be great to see all three working semi-(but not totally)-cohesively together.

[suhyla]

3) Allah doesn't hate His creations just for their thoughts and desires. He hates the actions some us take that's a blatant display of disobedience towards Him, our creator, the one who gave us life. I mean, Allah also created Syaitan, but Syaitan's already doomed to an eternal hell. The comparison here is not that LGBTQ+ muslims are the same as Syaitan, but humans and Syaitan are both creations of Allah.

The rulings regarding any and all sexuality is the same- homosexual, heterosexual, pansexual and etc, which is to not act upon your lustful desires except if it's towards our spouses whom we're married to. Other than them, we need to lower our gaze from even looking lustfully at anyone, let alone act upon them. There are heterosexuals who never got married in this world, too, so it's not just one type of people that's struggling with this test.

As for transpeople, I'm going to refer to people who have gender dysphoria. So, people with XY chromosomes and male genitals who feel like they're women and people with XX chromosomes with female genitals and feel like they're men. It's a phsycological distress that's need to be conquered through phsycological means, not biologically nor physically. The reason some want to alter their bodies is because they feel distressed or uncomfortable in their own skin and thinks that by transitioning, it'll make them feel better.

Islam, on the other hand, teaches another way to not feel bad about ourselves, which is through the remembrance of Allah. You wouldn't tell a depressed person the only way to feel better about themselves is through self-harm, right? You'd provide a better means, a non-harmful way. Same thing with people with gender dysphoria. They need help, but not through biological means, but phsycologically. I admire Muslims who have gender dysphoria yet they don't succumb to those thoughts. They're strong to be able to overcome those desires.

And have you heard the story of prophet Adam AS and Syaitan? The reason why Syaitan fell from grace in the first place is because Adam is made of dirt while he is made of fire. He thought he was a higher being than Adam AS just because of what he's created out of. And because of Syaitan's refusal to bow down to Adam AS out of his (Syaitan's) arrogance and ego, Syaitan was doomed to eternal hell.

It's because of how Adam's created that Syaitan fell, so he's happiest when people alterate their physical bodies because it's basically saying 'I dislike how Allah created me'. Tattoos are forbidden in Islam, same goes with cosmetic surgery, because we're taught to always be grateful for what we have and to take care of our physical body, mentality and soul.

InshaAllah, for each and all our struggles in pleasing Him, we'd be rewarded greatly whether in this world in terms of health and wealth, or in the hereafter where there's eternal peace.

#3

Yes, I'd also like to add that someone who has homosexual thoughts isn't punished, so long as they don't encourage them/share them with others. However, the act of homosexual sex is a great sin in Islam (and as anon mentioned, just as heterosexual sex outside of marriage would be considered a great sin).

And since anon has shared the example of Satan/Shaytan, I'll add that Shaytan has engaged in an act of outward disobedience, but like all of Allah's creation, if he were to stop the disobedying Allah and seek forgiveness, Allah would forgive him and it would be possible for him to earn Allah's pleasure again. We are all sinners and we sin in different ways. The more sins we commit without repenting, the further we move ourselves away from Allah's love. On the other hand, the more good deeds we engage in the closer we get to Allah's love.

Muslims who find themselves in the midst of this great fitna/challenge, try to actively seek repentance and never lose hope in Allah's mercy. Engage in as many good deeds as possible. This is a test, and we are all tested with our desires in different ways. Your reward for enduring and putting Allah first will be so great - I would argue much, much greater than the reward most Muslims would get for abstaining from premarital sex.

And more than anything, I know it can be difficult to articulate or seek help because most of us won't understand what you're going through exactly, but Allah knows - talk to Him and ask Him for help to overcome this difficulty. Every time you control your desires for no other reason than Allah's sake, you are engaging in the greater jihad and may Allah make it a means for you to enter Jannah.

He answers the call of all those who call upon Him.

Always.

[julilihatfun]

prompt time!!! feel free to ignore this if it doesn't speak to you, but: what about something where jaskier keeps asking for a break and geralt thinks he's just whining about being tired, but really, he's been hiding a serious wound, which may or may not be infected, and he's actually UNDERreacting? :D if you don't like this, i can try again!

Thank you so much for this prompt - really loved writing it and I hope that I did it justice!

————————————————————————————

“Geralt.”, Jaskier tries again. His voice is slightly wobbly, but Geralt does not seem to really care.

He just sighs again, really, making Jaskier feel like the biggest burden on the planet. And he tried powering through – he really did. But he started feeling dizzy and disconnected hours ago and every step sends shivers of pain through his body.

“No.”, the Witcher growls eventually, making Jaskier wince.

“Please…” He tries, desperate for a little rest. “I-“

“Damn it Jaskier!”, Geralt roars then, a clear sign of the stress he had been experiencing in the past couple of days. “People are dying – we can’t rest every time your feet hurt.”

Jaskier is positive that he is dying, too, but Geralt probably has a point, so he keeps his mouth shut. His feet don’t hurt, actually. His left side is giving him trouble though – the one where the huge, hideous flower-thingy (he’s pretty sure that Geralt called it an Archespore, but it’s not like Jaskier really cares about that right now) that they encountered a few hours prior, shot some sort of thorn or- or leaf (honestly, what the fuck?) at him while Geralt was already burning it to the ground (Jaskier thinks, that it’s exactly what the thing deserved). And it hurt.

Really, really hurt.

Jaskier had stifled a scream, gasping dramatically and putting on a whole show for Geralt, but his Witcher barely glanced at him and Jaskier kind of abstained from telling Geralt, due to the pain gradually having lessened in intensity after he had pulled the thing out of his flesh. It had been barely bleeding, too, so he had just kind of assumed, that he would be fine. They desperately needed to get to Velen before the sunrise of the next day. And Geralt had been stressed and on edge for a whole week. It probably was a combination of a lack of sleep and the uprise of person-eating monsters in villages all over.

The pain came back with a vengeance a while later, while Jaskier was distractedly strumming his lute. He had hunched over with squeaky huff and the instrument produced a horrible, off-tune sound, that had Roach neighing in indignation. Geralt had thrown him the look. Had not commented though.

And the pain had not subsided since then.

Jaskier can feel beads of sweat trickling down his neck and back and his whole body feels awfully heavy and shaky. He would categorize this as a class A emergency, so he tries to get Geralts attention again.

“I really think that-“, he starts, then stops abruptly to swallow heavily. His throat is parched. Huh. When did that happen?

He tries coughing in order to find his voice again, but that just leaves him winded.

“Swallow a bug?”, Geralt huffs, and he does not quite sound amused, but definitely not concerned either. Jaskier shakes his head and clears his throat, trying to finally share his struggle in this moment of attention from Geralt.

“No.”, he grounds out, sounding shaky. “Feel weird.”

Geralts face seems to soften. “I know that the past days have been hard on you too.” He pauses slightly. “You can have plenty of rest as soon as we reach the inn.”

And Jaskier is so busy basking in the glow of Geralts niceness, that he misses his opportunity. The Witcher is already several steps ahead of him again.

And Jaskier really tries to hold it together then. Imagining himself licking his wounds in the comfort of a real bed. He can feel his legs tremble and every jostling step hurts.

When his vision starts blurring on the edges, he decides to bring this whole mess up again.

“Rest”, he wheezes. “Need- really have to…”

And then he sinks down dramatically, all the while keeping his eyes fixed on Geralt in a silent scream for help. The man swings down from Roach much more graciously than a man his size should be able to and rounds on Jaskier.

It really stings, when the Witcher shakes his head in anger. “Dying, Jaskier. People are dying.”, he growls yet again, and it makes Jaskier feel even worse.

“I know, I’m just-“

“Tired. Yeah. Imagine how I feel.”

And Jaskier really hopes, that Geralt does not feel as bad as he does. He does not think that it should be legal for anyone to feel like he does right in this moment.

“Please, Geralt.”, Jaskier begs and this time, Geralts face hardens.

“Would have thought that you would have more empathy.”

Jaskier desperately shakes his head. He needs Geralt to understand. Because something is wrong. Very wrong, and he is starting to feel scared.

“Rest. Might be able to catch up with me later.” And to Jaskiers horror, Geralt turns around and walks back towards Roach before he can even get another word out. And now – now he feels absolutely terrified at the prospect of having to handle this all by himself.

“NO!”, he hears himself scream and it sounds shrill and hoarse and just as panicked as he feels. “Please don’t leave me.”

Then, he starts to sob desperately, tears blurring his vision.

As soon as he has blinked some of them away, he looks directly into Geralts eyes.

“Sorry.”, he croaks. Geralt shakes his head yet again, but this time, the hardness is missing from his face. He gives Jaskier a once-over and furrows his brows.

“Something is wrong.” He states the obvious. “What.”

“Feel…” Jaskier swallows hard. “Real’ weird.”

“Yeah, I need you to be more specific.”

“’T hurts.”, the bard gasps then and Geralt closes his eyes in frustration for a second.

“How is that more specific?”, he asks.

Jaskier really does not have the energy to roll out the whole story, so he just shrugs, feeling more exhausted by the second, now that he is no longer on his feet.

Suddenly, there is a cold hand on his cheek, and his eyes snap open. He finds Geralts eyes again and then latches on, grasping the Witchers wrist tightly.

“You’re burning.”

Jaskier slumps forwards, resting his heavy head on Geralts clothed chest. It kind of grounds him, and he closes his eyes, wanting to just… rest.

“I need to know what’s wrong. Jaskier.” Jaskier hears the urgency in Geralts voice, but he can’t bring himself to react. “Are you ill? Or is there something else? Jaskier!”

The bard groans, Geralts wrist still held tightly between his fingers, which makes everything more uncomfortable, but he is not letting go anytime soon.

He cracks his eyes open slightly, and the disorientation lessens lightly. “Ugly plant.”, he mumbles. “Shot something at me.”

He gestures awkwardly towards his left side and Geralts eyes move to the medium sized hole in his shirt, that is bloody around the edges.

“Shit.” Geralts springs to his feet so fast, that Jaskier slumps forwards.

And when the Witcher runs towards Roach, the full-blown panic is back. Jaskier hears himself screeching something as he tries to prop himself up, whimpering in pain unconsciously.

But then Geralt is moving back towards him, helping him sit up again, and Jaskier finds his wrist again, clasping the Witchers shirt with his other hand this time. Just to make sure.

“Drink this!”, Geralt urges. “Now!” And then he tips some kind of milky liquid down Jaskiers throat so fast, that it leaves the bard gasping and sputtering.

After that, Geralt kind of just stares at him, as if expecting some sort of reaction.

Jaskier just lets himself fall forward again. They remain in that position for minutes until:

“Are we waiting for something?”

Suddenly, Geralt moves away again; this time to fret over Jaskiers wound.

“Fuck. Not poison then.”, he says, sounding a bit too hysteric for Jaskiers liking. “I can’t fix a fucking infection Jaskier.”

Jaskier tries to huff incredulously. “Your makin’ ‘t sound like ‘tis ‘s on me”

“You should have said something.” Geralt sounds tired and frustrated, so Jaskier feels pretty bad when his whispered: “Tried to”, makes Geralts entire face fall in guilt.

“’M sorry.”, he adds, because he can’t with the fucking puppy dog eyes.

After that, everything is a blur. He feels himself being heaved onto Roach, being carried up to a room. Feels cold cloths on his forehead and his chest. The bandages around his torso. Being urged to drink different sorts of teas and liquids. Nightmares, that leave him sobbing and heaving.

And through all of that, Geralt remains a steady presence. Sometimes, when Jaskier is somewhat coherent, he can see the Witcher watching him from his position on a terribly uncomfortable looking chair. When he wakes from the bad dreams, it’s Geralt who pulls him into his strong arms, muttering reassurances in a way, that is entirely unlike Geralt but also kind of not.

It’s Geralt, who makes him tea and brings him soup.

It’s always Geralt.

And it makes Jaskier feel warm and safe and at peace.

[smallnico]

Are you a Gold Star lesbian? (Just in case you don't know what it means, a Gold Star lesbian is a lesbian that has never had the sex with a guy and would never have any intentions of ever doing so)

EDIT: i’ve been told this anon is a bot, and a lot of people have received this same message. who would program a bot to do this and why is a mystery to me. assuming no harm is done in doing so, i’m going to keep my response up instead of deleting it because i spent a good amount of time writing it, and i think it’s informative, which is why i wrote it in the first place.

~~~

i’m going to do you a favour here and assume you didn’t mean any harm by asking me this, that you just didn’t know better or didn’t think it through. i’ve said some pretty weird things to people on impulse, so i know how it feels when people react aggressively when you weren’t trying to insult them or freak them out or anything. normally, i would just block you for something like this and delete the ask, but given the number of asks i’ve been getting these days after a long drought of interaction, maybe it’s a good idea to re-establish some boundaries, not to mention explain to someone who might not know better why i have so many objections to the concept of a ‘gold star lesbian’.

first off, even when i’m hosting a frank discussion about sexuality on this blog, i never want to be asked about my sex life. some people are comfortable talking about theirs on tumblr -- i am not one such person. people are welcome to enjoy this blog and ask the occasional question, probe me for opinions, but my personal life is not open for spectators. there’s a meaningful difference between asking me about my sexual orientation and my experiences as a queer person, and asking me who i’ve had sex with. one is an opportunity for education, and the other is inappropriate and invasive. i’m already really dodgy about answering questions about my personal life, about friends and location and whatever, so already that ought to be a good warning to never ask me about my sex life. it is none of anyone’s goddamn business. this is a recipe for an instant block, and to restate, the only reason i’m not blocking this anon is because it’s a learning opportunity, and i’m feeling generous today.

the other reason i’m answering this question is because it’s an opportunity to save you, anon, from the trap of believing in ‘gold star lesbians’. i already know what the term means, and i’ve long since formed a firm opinion about its uselessness. 

1) a lesbian is not a better or worse lesbian for having/not having sex with men. there are a wide range of lesbian experiences that have room for a sexual history/future with men, and nobody -- absolutely nobody -- has the right to claim superiority over these people based on their comparatively “”pure”” sexual history. some lesbians formerly identified as straight, bi, pan, etc., and some may identify with those labels in the future. some older lesbians went their entire lives thinking they were straight, being married to men and having children before discovering who they are, does that make them less of a lesbian? does that make their current identity less qualified? i’ve been questioning my sexual orientation since i was thirteen years old, and not that it matters, but i don’t even identify as a lesbian anymore. am i tainted somehow? 2) let’s not pretend it’s not about purity, and let’s not pretend that purity means fucking anything when it comes to the spectrum of human experience. nothing is pure, nothing human will ever be pure, and anyone who claims their whatever the hell makes them pure is inflating their own pride at the cost of others they’ve arbitrarily declared are dirty. 3) men are not dirty. sex with men is not dirty. people who have sex with men are not dirty. you don’t get an award for not having sex with men, and the idea that ‘not having sex with men’ is a reward in and of itself is deeply unfair to both men and the people who find men attractive. there are a lot of excellent reasons people choose to have sex with men. the choice to have sex with men is not something i’m willing or even inclined to slander, even if the person making that choice is a lesbian, and even if they’re making that choice for pleasure.  4) sometimes, it’s not a choice. let’s not pretend rape in all its inglorious forms doesn’t count as sexual history, and hopefully we can all agree that, even if you’re 100% certain someone has never been raped, asking them to recount their sexual history to see if they qualify for some kind of honour is, at best, a rude and senseless violation of their privacy.  5) let’s also not pretend the concept of a ‘gold star lesbian’ isn’t borderline transphobic. i’ve seen a lot of people define ‘gold star lesbian’ as “a lesbian who has never touched a penis”, which naturally frames trans and some intersex women as dirty, while also discounting their womanhood. even if the term isn’t meant in a transphobic way, it has altogether too much flexibility as a concept for use by transphobic lesbians and terfs and not enough value in and of itself to bother reclaiming. 6) the label seeks to frame a specific lesbian experience as superior to any other experience, and does so at the expense of other queer people, and for what? is there a point to policing people’s identities and sexual experiences beyond “proving” one person is “”more queer”” than another? it’s ludicrous. it invalidates their experiences to make a select few people feel like they’re inherently better than everyone else, and i’m against that dynamic on principle. 7) if anyone thinks i’m reading too much into this, two things. one, it’s one of the only things my degree qualifies me to do, and two, just look at how the phrase ‘gold star lesbian’ is worded. you get a gold star. it’s a reward, an accomplishment, a sticker on your nametag, something which separates your from and prizes you above others because you did something good. in this case, ‘others’ is functionally everyone else in the queer community, and ‘something good’ is abstaining from sex with men. we’ve already been over why sex with men should never be seen as an inherently bad thing, and we as queer people should know better than to exclude each other for failing to conform to an arbitrarily ‘standard’ experience of sexuality.

i’m sure there’s more, but i’ve already spent enough time on this response. anon, if you’re reading this, it’s okay if you didn’t know better, and i hope i could teach you something today. i do get the feeling you asked this question in earnest, so as long as it doesn’t happen again (in which case, again, you will be blocked), no sour grapes. but to you and everyone else following this blog, this is an example of an inappropriate question -- for reasons on top of how many objections i have to the ‘gold star lesbian’ label. we have fun here on smallnico.tumblr.com, but i’m a real human being out there in the world, and this blog is my platform and spectacle, not me. there’s a reason i’m on tumblr and not twitter or instagram.