#and also it fuelled some anxieties but lets not talk about that

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

Did you know that tumblr has a maximum-of-words-in-a-paragraph limit??

Bc I just spent half an hour typing up a rant as I thought and I. uh. found it? The things you find out--

[bloodycherry22]

I’m here | Rick Grimes

Genre: fluff.

Summary: Ricks on some kind of patrol run, your stuck in your thoughts and end up in tears, in need of comfort, luckily Rick arrives home just in time. (Set kind of in Alexandria, but you can imagine it wherever tf you want.)

Warnings: cussing, negative thoughts? Reader just wanting the world to go back to normal, crying, not much tbh. Angst.

I honestly apologise if there’s spelling mistakes, I wrote this while building a Lego set. This is also really small, soz. Drabble

Your knuckles were white, the grip on the kitchen counter tight enough it felt as if it may snap right off into your hands. Heart beating out of your chest as tears brimmed in your eyes. Trying to calm your breathing was something that suddenly seemed impossible, a few hours back you were as close as could be to being killed by a Walker and for some reason it had really shook you, especially since no one was there to cover you, having no time to react to the event.

By the time you got home you were exhausted, just wanting to relax but the noises were so loud, walkers could be heard everywhere, it was all just so much. Being alone with your thoughts made it all that much worse, mind fuelling your anxiety, pictures of the world before shit hit the fan overwhelming your senses and here you were. Hands shaking drastically as you attempted to compose yourself, an unknown force making you hold back your tears.

With a choked breath, you fell apart, letting go of the counter as a sob slipped past your lips, giving up on composure, fuck composure. You needed someone, needed the comfort, needed love and affection, fuck that, you needed Rick.

Falling to the floor and running your hands through your hair, tears slipped down your cheeks, air tight as a few broken sobs escaped from you. “Fuck” you mumbled “fucking..fuck” you shook your head, bringing a hand to wipe your eyes. As if one queue, the sound of the front door opening and closing was heard, panic growing as you quickly stood up, shakily wiping your tears as fast as possible, seeing Ricks figure.

He groaned slightly out of tiredness, placing his shotgun down at the door and rolling his neck “fuckin, long day…y/n?” He looked around, and you took a breath, fanning your face for a moment before stepping out, looking at him with the best smile you could bring to your face.

“Hey sweetheart” he smiled, opening his arms, without a doubt you fell into his arms. “How was your day?” He asked, his arms falling around your body, just brushing over your skin as he pressed s kiss to your head. A sigh of relief slipped out of you, hands wrapping around his back. “It was..okay” you nodded, face pressed against his chest, hoping he wouldn’t notice the shakiness to your voice.

“Okay? Somethin’ happen?” He questioned, attempting to pull back, hoping to get a look at you but your arms tightened around him, not ready to free yourself of his warmth, simply shaking your head in response.

“Baby?..” he let out a small chuckle, hand flattening against the small of your back as he stepped back, your arms finally letting him. “Someone’s needy” he joked, eyes finally landing on yours, his smile faltering, noticing the redness to your eyes. “Hey..sweetheart, what’s wrong?” He asked but you just pursed your lips, pressing your face into his chest once again, hugging his body as tight as possible.

“Hey, talk to me, what’s up?” His voice concerned and gentle, hand stroking up and down over your back, a small sob left your mouth, biting down on your lip as hard as possible to stay quiet as you held back your tears, again. He seemed shocked by your sudden affection and silence, the light sniffs coming from you saddened him in a way he never knew could. He hasn’t cared about someone as much as he had for you since Carl or Judith, he sighed, leaning his head on top of yours and reaching his other hand to caress your hair gently, twirling his fingers around some of the locks occasionally.

“You just gonna stay quiet or are ya gonna talk to me” he spoke, his voice having a light joking sense to it but mainly sounding concerned. With a huff you looked up at him and he frowned, the sight of you so upset was almost enough to make him cry. Removing his hand from your hair to wipe your tear “sweetheart..” he cooed.

“I just..I’m scared Rick, I want to go back to normal, I don’t want to hear this groans all day long, I want to be safe” you rambled, hands moving frantically and he listened, taking your hands in his, lifting them to press kisses against your palm and knuckles. “Hey..your safe, okay? I know, I know, it’s so shit, living in a world like this but there’s nothing we can do” he explained “we’re safe here, I’m gonna protect you, I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, I promise” his voice serious, looking into your eyes, you hadn’t even noticed but he had leaned down slightly, to be at eye level with you, the action filling your heart with warmth.

“Promise?” You asked, sniffing.

“Course I promise, come on, go up to bed and I’ll bring you a nice hot cup of tea” he scoffed, chuckling.

[metawatts]

Saw your review for the jl/rwby crossover. You mentioned Cruz as being one of the failures of the movie. Kind of leaves me conflicted because honestly she was kind of my favorite part of the movie while everything else was just mostly meh or frustrating. I am not that familiar with comic Cruz and the Incarnation I am more familiar with from DC superhero girls is very different from the comic from what little I know. Care to do a deep dive on this particular GL and how the crossover failed her?

Alright, I have some time to do asks, so lets dive on in! I was gonna write this out way better but my dotpoints kinda became their own essay so here we go!

TL:DR: I think that Jessica's anxiety was mishandled due to a fundamental misunderstanding of how her character is built in the comics, because they wanted a Cute Agoraphobic Queen (and forgot to have the agoraphobia). I also think that she lacked agency in her own mental health and plotline, with Jaune being the main mover in both, and that there is whitewashing to her design, as seen here compared to: other cartoons, other comic runs, her other rwby designs (feat. one Simon Baz because DC is keeping him from me)

Yeah. Hm. Anyway, lets get into my rambly thoughts about Jessica Cruz

Alright first things first: I’m not against Jessica Cruz being written differently to the comics if she’s written respectfully. I also really do like dc superhero girls and Jessica there is very fun as a character, even if I have some other issues with what they took out from her storyline

The thing about this iteration of Jessica Cruz is that apparently the theme of the movie was ‘gun violence’ or whatever and that’s. That’s her whole. That’s literally her whole comic backstory.

For a quick recap in the comics: Jessica Cruz one day was hiking with friends before they stumbled across some guys dumping bodies in the woods. All of Jessica’s friends were shot down and murdered right in front of her for being witnesses, and Jessica gained an absolutely brutal case of PTSD, which later fuelled her agoraphobia and anxiety.

Then, after spending 3 years literally never leaving her apartment out of terror that she was going to be tracked down and murdered like her friends, she was instead tracked down by an artifact called Power Ring (it’s complicated but p much it’s like an Evil Inverse Green Lantern Ring). The Power Ring, which is fuelled by the wearer’s fear and trauma, forces itself onto Jessica and turns her into a villainous puppet for it’s own will. She’s canonically being tortured by physical and psychological pain the whole time she’s wearing it. She’s nearly saved a few times from her Literal Possession but the thing that sticks is when she pulls a self-sacrifice and supposedly dies, only it turns out that the ring died in her place and then she got a Green Lantern Ring for her bravery in facing her fears and such. (I think the universe/writers were apologising because Genuinely WTF)

Now, the thing that a lot of people praise about Jessica as a character in most comics, is that she is, most of the time, a very realistically-written character with anxiety. Her anxiety is rooted mostly in her PTSD, which means that it has very definite triggers, one of which is, on her bad days, ‘guns being aimed at her’.

However, Jessica is also someone who actively works on this aspect of her mental health, she’s shown having gone to therapy sessions, learnt how to internally combat her negative self-talk, and actively works on herself. She has her coping mechanisms, and they genuinely work for her when she’s spiralling, and she’s able to work through her anxiety and remind herself that, in what is one of her main catchphrases ‘you are not your fear’.

DC Superhero girls pretty much just axed Jessica’s anxiety entirely and while she’s a fun character she’s also not really close enough to comics Cruz for me to really draw comparisons, although I do wish they’d been willing to explore that storyline (and maybe have Simon there) I understand why with the age range they didn’t decide to throw in Gun Violence and Anxiety (but they could have had Simon there where are you keeping him dc)

Meanwhile: RWBY/JL Jessica Cruz. Well. I don’t want to hate on people who like her. If you found joy in something that I did not, then I’m happy for you, but I do want to explain my problems. The first is the way they misrepresented and mishandled her anxiety, and the second is Jaune. Why does it always have to be Jaune, I don’t even hate Jaune, I just hate how much everyone in the writing rooms love him.

Anxiety: Jessica in the film is pretty much given a much more generalised anxiety disorder. She mentions that she’s had it from a young age, that she’s always been afraid, that the ring helped her fit in. She’s given a much different trigger of claustrophobia, and her agoraphobia is completely missing from her character. DC Superhero Girls took away her anxiety, so there’s nothing to misrepresent. RWBY/JL put in her anxiety, and put in the wrong one.

Comics Jessica’s anxiety, and her insecurities, come from a genuinely traumatic event, one that shaped her for years, one that she’s still fighting overcome. And then worse stuff happened to her and she kept going. I have a generalised anxiety disorder, I’ve had one since I was a teenager, and I can also say that how it was shown in the movie was… kind of stereotypical. She’s meek, and she shy, and she’s nervous and jumpy and doesn’t feel like she can do anything. And this is meant to be Jessica who still is that adult, just in a teen brain, and I know hormones suck, but they completely axed the fact that this is canonically a character who has mental health issues and works on them so they could have Jaune peptalk her through her panic attacks, which. Cures them, all of a suddenn

Yeah we’re getting into the Jaune stuff now. Jaune is the catalyst for everything Jessica does. He makes the plans while she worries, he talks her through her panic, he talks her through all her anxiety, and then… that’s it, really, all she does from that point on in the movie is Solve All The Problems. The emotional core of most of their scenes from post-Jessica confessing her anxiety disorder up until ‘the claustrophobia panic attack’ is on Jaune missing Pyrrha so much that he ignores Jessica actually trying to be reasonable about ‘this is sus’. It feels like they wanted to do ‘Jessica gets a best friend who helps her through her anxieties and supports her to stand on her own’, forgot to write the second part of that, and forgot one other tiny lil detail

WHICH IS SHE HAS ONE.

Simon Baz is Jessica’s Green Lantern partner in the comics, they’re your classic ‘hothead/cautious’ duo, they have literally the best interactions of friendship ever, this is the man who worries that Jessica’s not feeling okay after a bad day and shows up to make her pancakes for breakfast. They also have a real interesting quirk to their specific brand of green lanterning, which is that Hal Jordan was like ‘okay you need to learn to work together’ and fused their Power Batteries together. (quick rundown: green lantern rings need to be periodically charged up with lantern shaped power batteries otherwise there’s no constructs or cool costumes). Simon and Jessica cannot recharge their rings separately, they have to work as a team. And the first few comics of their run are great (I know nothing about the state of it now). They’re mutually supportive, they both have their issues, and Jaune feels like he was written to slot into that role.

I get that ‘we can’t have two green lanterns in here that’s boring’ was probably what was said but this is also what speaks to a wider issue about how Jessica is getting a lot more press time in non-comic properties. Which is awesome! Overall I love her character, I love the different takes on her, and it’s very cool to see her. Simon Baz, however. Is. Not getting any of this. Which is a shame. I just wish that my duo could get to be a duo.

But, I mean, if dc superhero girls is willing to just completely nix jess’s anxiety from her, why not nix Simon Baz’s backstory and still have him be her partner there? Why do all these properties decide that Jessica is best written when all of her character stuff beyond ‘female green lantern, occasionally nervous’ is removed from her? This isn’t just a rwby problem, but it’s something I’ve noticed especially in the rwby movie because of how they took Jessica’s character, when her backstory as it was would have tied into the so-called ‘theme’ for gun violence, and stripped her entirely for parts about ‘Jaune is a nice caring friend look how protective he is of poor scared Jessica’. He even powers her up for HER big 'ending the bad guy' move instead of allowing her to be as strong as a green lantern ring is meant to be

Jessica in the film is pretty much written as ‘nervous agoraphobic adorable widdle queen’, all of her actual agency, all of her own inner strength of being someone who struggles with anxiety and overcomes it is removed so that she can be a Pep Talk Recipient, and I gotta say another small thing: pep talks, in my experience, don’t actually cure a chronic generalised anxiety disorder.

Oh yeah and also not only is her Green Lantern outfit in this crossover really not good (everyone is, except vixen, vixen’s power is too strong for rwby character designers to truly damage), she’s also definitely whitewashed to the point that I think a lot of people would find it hard at first to know that she’s meant to be Latina. Like, even compared to her Adult Version, or her rwby comics version, or, say, some of the other animated versions of her, or even her comics version in The Good Runs, as shown above. I called her ‘ben 10-ified’, and I stand by that, it’s just… it's a bit eesh, considering rwby's other problems with colourism and such.

I think all the DC characters got massacred, but if this had to be the anxiety rep for the film, why couldn't it be the Jessica who was actively working on dealing with it, dealing with her self-talk, like this?

I know rwby's allergic to character development, but come on. Jessica is more than an Anxious UwU bean. That's kinda the whole point. Also, she plays pokemon, what's not to love?

[johaerys-writes]

Get to know me

I was tagged by @baejax-the-great, thank you so much pal! 

Share your wallpaper: My phone background for the past six months or so has been the same Patrochilles art that I'm actually not sure if I should post here without permission from the artist lol. But I can confirm that it's the cutest, most loveliest drawing of them, and Achilles looks so baby in it and I love staring at it every time I open up my phone :')

The last song you listened to: Unbound by Asgeir

Currently Reading:  Ten Days That Shook The World by John Reed (don't ask why or how, but my autistic Special Interest of choice for the past 2-3 weeks has been the political intrigue surrounding WWI and how it fuelled the October Revolution so I've been reading any book/watching any documentary I can get my hands on about it), and I've also been listening to The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath while doing chores and stuff

Last Movie: Everything Everywhere All at Once with @baejax-the-great

Craving: Travel :|

What are you wearing right now: My fluffiest house robe and my fluffy slippers and super comfy and soft socks, and yes I'm still in pyjamas 

How tall are you: 167 cm, no idea how that translates in feet and inches lol don't make me google it

Piercings: I have one piercing in each ear, I've often thought about getting more but needles be scary 

Tattoos: 6, and planning to finish my half sleeve by the end of the year

Glasses? Contacts?: Glasses, and I do sometimes wear contacts as well

Last drink: I am currently drinking some lukewarm coffee with oat milk :3

Last show: In the past couple years I've become so bad with starting shows and actually sticking with them lol, but I did do a rewatch of Neon Genesis Evangelion fairly recently..... OH and I watched Interview with the Vampire with @baejax-the-great a little while back which was super fun!! (because apparently I can't watch something unless I can shit talk or go feral over it with Bae LOL)

Last thing you ate: Toast with peanut butter and an apple

Favourite colour: Oooh that's such a hard question to answer!! The first colour that comes to mind is blue -- I always gravitate towards some version of blue, and currently it's deep navy blue, but I also own a lot of powder blue stuff. It's either that or baby pink or cream tbh, but I also own a good amount of gold/mustard things as well. Yellow makes me happy. I find jewel green incredibly pretty though I weirdly don't own anything of that colour (which reminds me I should perhaps make that a priority)

Current obsession: I'm guessing this is a fandom related question, so I'm going to be predictable and say that I'm, as usual, obsessed with Patrochilles and most of the other pairings I am currently writing, even though anxiety over real life stuff hasn't let me engage with them as much as I want lately. I do think about them a lot and have lots of ideas for new stories, and I'm also working my way back into catching up with fics I love, which I haven't been able to do in a while despite the joy it normally gives me. Brains can be very uncooperative at times, but what can you do about it lol. 

Unrelated Obsession: As I mentioned earlier I have been obsessed with Russian and generally European politics of the early 20th century for some weird ass reason lmao, but I've also been reading an in-depth analysis of Aeschylus' life and work I found in some corner of my library, which led me to looking up some academic papers about it, which led me to signing up for an online course about Athenian tragedy, so um?? I don't know what it is with me and going down those endless rabbit holes lately ahah. 

Any pets: I have a cat, aka a baby and a bastard and a devil spawn all wrapped in one (he is currently sleeping like an angel after attempting to tear down the curtains)

Do you have a crush on anyone: Um. Like, on a real life person? A fictional person? I do have crushes on several of my mutuals so if y'all are reading it I'm kissing you on the forehead MWAH

Favourite fictional character: I can't choose, don't make me choose!!!!!!! I can't choose between my children. But if I had to choose then maybe.... Patroclus? But also, Achilles? But also, my OC Tristan Trevelyan and Dorian Pavus from DA? But also Shiro and Keith from VLD? But also -- SEE, IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO CHOOSE

The last place you traveled: It feels like it's been SO long since I've traveled anywhere. I went to Aegina island last summer but since then I haven't been outside the city for even a DAY and it's been driving me crazy. I just need to see some green and blue and listen to nothing but birds or waves or the wind (at this point I'll even take the rooster that woke me up EVERY DAMN MORNING when I was in Aegina lmao). I'm planning on going on a day trip to Mycenae soon though so I'm very excited about that 😄

Tagging forth to @in-arlathan, @mogwaei, @tessa1972, @aymayzing, @inquisitoracorn, @tevivinter, @elveny, @pikapeppa, @petrowriting @peggy-sue-reads-a-book @juliafied, @vimlos, @gloriesunsung, @figsandphiltatos, @gwensparlour, @glimmerofgold, @sabino-sea, and so many more of my mutuals that I'm actually too shy to tag here. But seriously if you're reading this and it looks fun please do it and tag me, I'm nosy and I want to know everything about you LOL  

[iluvchanniesposts]

the dreaded

request here - @rennie-1

it was bitter sweet, actually. you thought maybe you’d have more time together, but as the time went on, you felt worse. chan being your boyfriend was the light of your life. he always knew the right things to say and do whenever you were feeling down. despite his endless support, you couldn’t help but feel sick in the pit of your stomach about leaving him for nine months. all in all, you couldn’t be happier in your relationship. he’s your literal soulmate - and no military deployment could take that away from you.

“you ready, my love?” his tone was flat as he hoisted your suitcase up. you didn’t want to answer. in fact, you didn’t want to admit the knot in your stomach and the ache in your heart. this was the last time you’d see him until christmas - but you knew it would all be worth it.

“i guess i have to be.” you swallowed thickly, trying to ignore the tears threatening at your eyes. he drove, of course. your vision was too blurry with droplets to even be able to see the road ahead.

“time will come fast, yeah? at least we can talk every day.” he tried bringing up the mood, a soft hand coming to squeeze your leg. “i know. i just hate the thought of not being able to see you, touch you or give you a hug after a long day.” you responded, looking out the window for some sort of distraction.

it was a late night flight, so the sun was setting a beautiful pink colour. the colours of the sky reflected on chan’s face, making him look even more ethereal than he already did.

but still, it didn’t take away from the hurt in your chest.

you had never quite been thankful of the airport being so far away, until now. the longer the drive, the more time you had with him. there was still a lingering feeling of dread and anxiety in the pit of your stomach. not necessarily at the thought of him cheating, or finding someone else; but merely the fact you won’t get to see his gorgeous face for an ungodly amount of time.

all thoughts came to a halt when he parked up outside the airport. you took a deep breath before getting out of the vehicle. “how you feeling?” he met you at the back of the car, lugging out your suitcases before taking them for you. “not okay. i’m gonna miss you so much, channie.” you bit back a sob as he placed his hand on your back.

“i’ll miss you too, my love. we have to be strong for each other, yeah?” somehow, just somehow, his words made you feel a little lighter. “i’ll still be here when you get back!” he giggled, earning a tiny smile on your face.

you both walked, hand in hand, along the terminals before finding your own.

“this is it then, i guess.” you shrugged, arms coming down by your side. he didn’t respond, simply just engulfing you into a tight hug and kissing the top of your head. “i’ll find you always, yeah? i love you so much. go smash this deployment, then come home and give me all the loves.” he cried also, only fuelling your tears even more. “i love you so so much, my love. see you soon.” you spoke before walking away, letting your hands drag away slowly in order to never let go of his.

you looked back, multiple times, seeing him standing there with a bright smile on his face. he was super proud of you, and that’s what kept you going.

[writer-of-various]

König & Rudy – Safe

König fidgeted as Price talked to Laswell, their words going through his ears as he felt his nerves peak at every noise someone around them made. He bites his bottom lip to soothe his worries, hoping Price finishes his conversation quickly, but it's been 10 minutes so far and König decides to drop hope. He eyes the soldiers walking by them, acknowledging their stares thrown his way, whispers spoken behind his back as they eyed him with caution. He knew his large structure made him intimidating to others, and while to someone else it'll inflict egoistic pride, it only makes him more nervous of social interactions. The comments, stares, whispers– it fuelled his social anxiety.

"Captain, those files you needed have been completed." König looks down to see a short, pretty man smiling softly at Price. The older man grins, gently patting König's back as he turns his attention to the newcomer.

"Ah Rudy, thanks son. This is König, he's visiting us for a bit. König, this is Sergeant Major Rodolfo Parra." Price introduces them and Rodolfo smiles softly up at König, a hand outstretched.

"Buenos dias, König. You can call me Rudy, if you like." König shakes hands with the smaller soldier, instantly feeling safe around him. He shyly retracts his hand and resumes fidgeting.

"It's nice to meet you too, Rudy."

"Ach, bist du aus Deutschland?" König's eyes widen in surprise as Rudy speaks German, nodding softly. Rudy seems to brighten up, trying to think of what to say but blushing. "Sorry, I'm still learning. Hey, do you want me to show you around? If it's fine with you, sir."

Price waves them off, a father-like grin tracing his lips. "Go ahead, I'll see you two later."

König follows Rudy, listening to the sergeant major tell him about the base, some soldiers, and even his own life. Rudy takes him to the kitchen and even helps him bake, perfectly winding up a batch of pfeffernusse cookies and letting him eat them. They are connected by the hip for the remainder of the day, and Rudy undoubtedly becomes a mother figure to the soft, giant man.

———

A week passes by smoothly, König still getting used to the loud chatting of the other soldiers and the way Ghost would unintentionally sneak up on him. The main task force seems content with his presence and that lifts a light burden off König's shoulders, but he continues to follow Rudy around like a lost puppy. Alejandro, Rudy's husband, seems to have been cautious at first but until two days ago the colonel seemed to trust him and would joke around with him and greet him. Alejandro would occasionally toss a small ball at him and they'll ironically play catch while Rudy is working. Today, however, is a bit more of a busy day. It's training day, no break for anyone as the base rotates on stations of various kinds of training. König is tasked as a squad leader, his group of 5 at the animal training station. According to Soap, it used to consist of only German Shepherds before Rudy brought in three stray cats that he managed to train and a rather large rat that is also trained. No one is stupid enough to tell Rudy to stop bringing in and training strays, because the small man will send you a glare that has you wishing you weren't alive.

While König is more content on training one of the cats, he's tasked with a canine and feels his nerves spike up. While he likes animals in general, dogs were always a bad memory for him. He doesn't speak up, embarrassed for feeling so nervous, and goes forth with the plan. He's geared up in protective wear, arm outstretched as a spectator blows a whistle and the canine charges forward, teeth barred and a deadly glint in its brown eyes. König freezes up, unsure what to do as the dog nears him and when it jumps up to bite at his arm, he races off, tears welling up as painful memories taunt him. Sharp fangs digging into his flesh, cruel laughter, cries of the dogs if they didn't hurt him enough–

"König!" Small hands hold him still and he looks down, finding himself in the middle of the training center with everyone looking at him. Rudy is giving him a look of concern, gently guiding him to sit down but he shakes his head, racing out of the room with tears falling. He embarrassed himself in front of a bunch of elite soldiers, soldiers smaller than him but so much stronger. He felt weak, pathetic, and with a rush of self anger he punched a wall.

"König!" He freezes at the tone, letting Rudy inspect his hand, brows furrowed together as he looks up at him. "Cariño, what's wrong?"

König's shoulders slouch forward as he averts his gaze from the smaller man, feeling like he lost control of himself. He still felt everyone's stare on him, judging him, most likely whispering crude things behind his back. He screwed up, he would be the laughing stock, all because of one painful memory. Rudy notices this, of course he does, and embraces him tightly, soothing words rolling off his tongue and König feels safe in the embrace. Warm, safe, cared for. He doesn't feel weak any more, but the tears continue to fall and soak his mask, creating an uncomfortable feeling.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to freak out!" He sobs quietly and Rudy shushes him, hands rubbing his back comfortingly.

"Sweetheart, it's okay. It's okay, everything is okay now. Come on, let's go talk in my office." Rudy smiles softly up at him and König nods, staying close to the smaller male. Warm, safe– Rudy feels like home.

———

A few more weeks pass and König has made himself comfortable around the base, although he remained glued to Rudy's side during his free time. Rudy has practically taken him under his wing, always doting after him and cherishing him. König likes the attention and Rudy has helped him make new friends. Soap and Gaz were nice, while Ghost is nice company to sit around in silence with.

Despite the good things, there were some bad things that left König wanting Rudy. Rudy would always hug him and bake him whatever he wanted, sometimes they'd play a game or watch a movie. Last week, Alejandro and Rudy had gotten into an argument and König nearly beat up the colonel before being held back, Rudy assuring him that everything is okay. While he expected the sergeant major to be upset for overreacting, Rudy was the opposite– he began crying and hugging König close. Later that day, König would learn about Rudy's childhood and he would want to protect his mother more after hearing each heartbreaking memory.

They were close and the task force would joke that Rudy is a mom now, but he didn't mind. Instead, Rudy would smile proudly and claim he is indeed a mother, and a very proud one at that. He loves König, and can't help but see himself in the shy, giant teddy bear of a man. His little König. When Alejandro asked about a possible adoption, Rudy immediately said yes.

König found his family and he couldn't be happier.

[space-ninja-fashion-show]

Thinking about how the different spirals affect North but also how that changes over time, as things get better and the emotions mellow out into something more like weather or passing moods draped over the otherwise calm of Duviri

Anger, as i said already, is the worst. It is a constant fight not to get dragged down in it, not to let themself be carried away, bc they hate who they become when angry but it's also So tempting to just Give In. Bc it Does feel good, to be angry, to let it out in violent ways. But it also hurts immediately after, every single time. Anger always gives way to fear or sorrow sooner or later

Even after it has mellowed out, it makes them feel wrong. Irritable. Restless. They have control over it but they don't Like it regardless. The best they can channel it into is Motivation to Do Things but they don't like approaching things from a place of frustrated restlessness. But at least doing something productive about it lets them work it down without inflicting harm

Joy, ironically, makes them angry. They get really snappy about the forceful positivity to the point where no happiness during a joy spiral feels actually genuine. It's also…overwhelming. Flooding with sensory input they aren't always up for, and it drains their social battery too like no other spiral can. So they just wanna go hide in a cave for three hours and not look at anything if the spiral lasts too long

Eventually it does become genuine tho. Just influence making them a bit more likely to feel giddy, to express their joy outwardly more clearly than their usual quiet contentment. At its core it feels like when your eyes meet with someone else and suddenly you both burst out laughing. It can still get draining after a while, but a lot less easily

Envy sucks like all others but also it's in large part North talking to their own brain like it's an edgy 12-year-old in an online game. Yes our life sucks. Yes other ppl have it better. Yes i know. Can we pls get shit done now. But also they lock up any and all Envy Fuelled Thoughts they get real fuckin tight and refuse to deal with them bc they see them only slightly less rotten than how they are during Anger

It mellows out into slightly too strong motivation to Do Better. They learn to be analytical about it bc that's the only thing that seems to Work for making it feel Not Horrible. Asking, what exactly is it that i want here? And how do i get closer to it? Even if they don't act on it, plotting out that possible route helps. And if there is no such route, they just forcibly learn to let it the fuck go

Fear is familiar. Managable. North is the kinda person who can keep functioning through a panic attack bc Been There Done That. But being alone, having no one to put the fear aside for, no real reason to put on a brave face, it's not kind to them. Fear turns to loneliness and despair so easily. It convinces them that they're alone not only now but always. That those they love are no longer there, will no longer be there when they return home

(Also the thunderstorms it brings Suck)

When mellowed out, it's just an increase in North's baseline of anxiety. It makes them a bit more alert and a bit more careful. But being a bit less daring for some time doesn't affect them all that much

Sorrow is familiar too, almost tempting to remain in it forever. Comfort in pain and apathy. Unlike the others, it doesn't set in suddenly. It grows slow, insidious, until it feels like it had always been there, no point to fighting it. It drowns everything in fog. It's exhausting, to do anything, to stay, to convince themself to return home

It's still sorrow, even after mellowing, but it's not drowning anymore. It's melancholy. During these quiet waves of sorrow in Duviri is when North chooses to mourn their past and honour their dead

[riotinapublicstation]

Happy Halloween! I wrote a little feature on scary Beatles stuff.

Last year, I compiled a list of my personal scariest songs, and it was a lot of fun to see the variety of genres and artists that have the potential to make truly terrifying music. But who do I think has the potential to reign supreme on the uncomfortable songs scale? That's right, the Beatles.. especially in a time where groups were actively encouraged to make radio-friendly teen pop music.

There's lots I wanted to talk about, but I decided to focus specifically on the 1964-1965 period of Hard Day's Night and Rubber Soul, which is weird because when people think of scary Beatles songs they usually think of White Album tracks or Magical Mystery Tour, even though I do believe their earlier records have some frightening elements..

Run For Your Life: The Hidden Horrors of the Beatles (1964-1965)

I briefly annotated Revolution 9 by the Beatles as one of the most horrifying songs ever recorded, with its stressful, drug-fuelled instrumental incoherence. However, after realising the true extent of actually fear-inducing tracks by the Beatles, I wanted to magnify and look closer at their discography. We all have this schematic flowery picture of John, Paul, George and Ringo performing adoring love songs for thousands of screaming teenage girls in the sixties, but there were without a doubt many times where they went against their own image by parodying it - sometimes in the most eerie and dark ways possible.

Released at the peak of Beatlemania in 1964, A Hard Day’s Night seems at a glance to be non-conceptual, generic play at simple pronoun-based romance. The purest of which being ‘I’m Happy Just To Dance With You’, ‘Any Time At All’ and ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’, but this album attempts to cuts deeper with implications of revenge, jealousy, hate and even death. Undying love and affection as represented in this album is almost overridden with a kind of uneasiness. The light, youthful steadiness of young love tends to disintegrate into a rougher, stricter male voice. It can at times, with the cynical listening ear, be an uncomfortable lyrical rabbit hole to go down - the darker cuts that oppose A Hard Day’s Night’s jovial appearance are mainly ‘If I Fell’, ‘You Can’t Do That’, ‘Tell Me Why’ and ‘I’ll Be Back’. The Beatles may feel like a group that you are least likely to associate with unhealthy, possessive romantic relationships but is cruelty hiding in plain sight?

Firstly, in the album’s third track, we get the sense that the speaker in the majority of the songs isn’t a completely stable lover, with repetition that begs for affection as he clashes with his own anxieties (‘If I trust in you, oh, please/Don’t run and hide/If I love you too…Don’t hurt my pride like her’). Lennon and McCartney’s portrayal of an uncertain, distrustful perspective in the face of young love continues into tracks six (‘Well I beg you on my bended knees/If you’ll only listen to my pleas/Is there anything I can do?/Cause I really can’t stand it, I’m so in love with you’) and twelve (‘I can’t help my feelings,/I go out of my mind/I’m going to let you down/And leave you flat’). I want to perhaps suggest that this album is full of its own twists and turns. The accusations as expressed in the dramatic ‘You Can’t Do That’ and adamant ‘I’ll Be Back’ could be taken with some ominous implications, even just taking the visuals of ‘leaving’ a woman ‘flat’ AKA dead is a deeply unsettling image.

I also wanted to focus partly on the album artwork. When the album was first released, there were two main versions of the album artwork for A Hard Day’s Night. The US stereo cover, which featured the signature haircuts of the Beatles with their faces cut out in a four-square format, and the universally known cover in all its monographic beauty. With 20 variations of photographs, the artwork is without a doubt very chaotic and unruly, much like its film counterpart. The aspects that stand out to me the most as quite strange are the way the photos are arranged, with no Beatle doing the exact same thing for one row and that peculiar shot dead in the middle where George Harrison has his back to the camera (just above that is John Lennon concealing most of his face except for his eyes with the facial gestures he’s making). This album endlessly conceals, hides and tricks; it is one thing, and then it suddenly turns into another. It is for the most part an album of love songs… or that’s what it wants you to think.

Rubber Soul, like many things that the Beatles became eventual pioneers of, is debated to be the first of its kind - a parodic, novelty album. Poking fun at the many tropes and typicalities of soul music, one of the most prominent genres of music that make up the roots of the band itself. By the release of Rubber Soul, they had solidified their nature to be witty, playful and creative with the music they wanted to make. Despite its reputation to be on the less serious side, the creepiness factor ups itself slightly further into the album’s second half. Initially, ‘Girl’ is noted as a somewhat humorous rendition of lost love, due to John Lennon’s sharp inhales after each ‘girl’ in the chorus - but I can’t help but think about how much it catches you off guard. The noise is very raw and human, and although vocals throughout the song are controlled throughout, hearing someones breath take in so unexpectedly gives the song a rugged, intense foreboding. Nevertheless, I believe the most terrifying spectacle of Rubber Soul is the album’s closing track, ‘Run for Your Life’. ‘Run for Your Life’ paces like a mini-horror film; its imagery is narcissistic and emotionless. Even the way that Lennon emphasises the word ‘dead’ at the third verse is chilling and final. The constant use of ‘little girl’ to address a female partner is demeaning and patronising, the speaker clarifying his power and control over her. At times, he revels in his own wretchedness (‘Well, you know that I’m a wicked guy/And I was born with a jealous mind’). It is an unashamedly devilish song, and you are left feeling haunted when the record stops spinning. A little bit about this album’s ‘distorted’, pre-psychedelic artwork; the fact that you aren’t looking at the band head on in this photograph makes it dizzying and dazed. There did exist some pressings where the sleeve featured an undistorted photo, those of which are considered very valuable rarities in this day and age, but this still doesn’t quite capture the true unpredictability of Rubber Soul. It is only right that the creative process of the album, however darkly it ends, is envisioned with this almost surreal, dream-like cover.

(Below is a picture of the undistorted version, for your general interest.)

[rylanprattmodel]

SPOTTED: Is that (RYLAN PRATT) that I see over there? You know they have quite the reputation of being the (THE QUICKSAND) around town. The (26) year old has been around these parts for (ONE WEEK) and within that timeframe has landed themselves a job as a/an (MODEL) while living in (SYCAMORE APARTMENTS) I overheard that they can be quite (UNPREDICTABLE) but their saving grace is that they are (CHARISMASTIC).  Rumor has it (SHE HIDES HOW BAD HER PILL ADDICTION IS FROM EVERYONE), and it’s just a matter of time before everyone knows.

miscarriage tw, drugs tw, eating disorder tw, alcohol tw, anxiety tw, depression tw

Money bought you comfort, security, an education, designer clothes as well, but apparently it couldn’t buy you security inside your own mind. If she had to hear the words ‘what do you have to be sad about?” one more time the chances are Rylan Platt would go swinging for whoever’s mouth it had come out of because they were words she’d been hearing all her life. Born on the Upper East Side into a painfully wealthy socialite family had it not been medically impossible she’d have come out of her mother with a golden pacifier in her mouth. She sure as hell had one in it not long after.

Appearances being everything to Olivia and Kennedy Pratt so they naturally sent their daughter to the most prestigious schools, the best after school clubs, and had tutors to make sure she didn’t flunk out and embarrass the family. That was all good and well, but nothing really caught Rylan’s attention until she started playing piano as well as singing when she started high school - it gave her a freedom that she’d craved desperately longer than she’d even been aware herself. Plagued by insecurity her entire life her own mind had been a prison to her but when she closed her eyes to let the music carry her away there was a small rest from that fog.

Her depression had started to develop around the time she hit puberty, fuelled by body image issues that spilled over into other aspects of her life including her own feelings of self worth. Suddenly she would get into such negative self loathing mainframes she would spent days at a time in bed, hiding out from the world, sometimes crying and sometimes just laying there staring at the ceiling. Obviously her parents threw money at the problem, sending her to shrink after shrink who medicated her on and off, but nothing seemed to ever truly work enough to stop the depression from rearing its ugly head every so often. These days she is pretty fast and loose when it comes to taking her medication, as well as going to see her therapist. When she’s feeling good the woman is convinced she doesn’t need one, it’s only when that crippling depression hits her like a school bus that she is in a position where she needs someone to talk to. Only problem is that those are the times, sometimes weeks in succession, where she doesn’t get out of bed. Not particularly helpful when it comes to her career as a model for many high end brands and magazine spreads, the obvious choice of career for a girl plagued by insecurity. The industry was brutal, and more often than not she would end up lower than before in the wake of a shoot.

 Not needing to get a ‘proper job’ thanks to the comfortable nest egg her parents passed on to her every month and the highly paid advertising campaigns she landed every couple of months as the face of big brands, she could afford to spend her time indulging in her passions. Writing her own music mainly, but also partying her face off. Now she could do it while making some extra cash on the side and her naïvety left her not thinking about the repercussions that she could face being part of such a dangerous group.  

Rylan was with the same boyfriend for two years when he proposed to her at New Year, leading her to panic at the prospect of being tied to someone she … thought she loved for the rest of her life was terrifying. She’d been convinced they were made for each other for most their relationship but that had changed a few months earlier when she’d met his coworker and seen what love at first sight really was. The two of them ended up breaking up in the wake of the proposal to Rylan on New Year’s eve. Panicked by the level of commitment it involved she said no, literally running from the scene and into the arms of Nate Jones who she’d been with ever since.

Together for about a year when the couple fell pregnant they were terrified but ecstatic, Rylan not sure how the pregnancy would effect her modelling career but still wanting to keep the baby so the two of them could be a family. After all there had never been any secret about how much Nate wanted to be a dad. Sadly the first pregnancy ended in loss, as did the second, which threw the pair into a dark place - convinced a family wasn’t going to be on the cards for them. Rylan blaming her addiction even though she’d worked incredibly hard to get clean when she fell pregnant the first time - it lapsed significantly after the second loss. Their rainbow baby came in the form of Savannah Pratt who was born just under two years ago while the couple were still living in New York City. Rylan’s determination to stay with Nate regardless of everything had lead her parents to cut her off financially, after all a waiter as a husband and father to her child was hardly the image they wanted to project. 

The couple struggled through the first couple of years of parenthood together, Rylan suffering from postpartum depression that she wouldn’t have come out the other side of if it wasn’t for Nate. Sadly it still drove here to self medicate in line with her old habits although not as badly, this is something she’s been keeping from Nate. Actually she’s been keeping it from everyone around her - trying her best to look like a responsible mother even if the role is still one that scares her. She loves her daughter more than life itself and both parents would do anything to make their little angel happy. 

Still she was a vibrant young woman who loved to socialise, be out with friends, drink in the culture of New York City, and explore her own creativity through her music and keep up to date with everything fashion. Writing songs for and about friends, family, situations she got herself into, anything that sparked her inspiration. Everything around her. It was only when she was hit with her depression and insecurity that the girl changed into a shell of herself, it could be hard to watch according to people she had talked to about it in the past. The girl ia a sweetheart, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have her fair share of people who didn’t like her, often because she felt threatened by them so she would lash out before they got the chance to. Before they could tell her what she thought was the truth - that she wasn’t worthy of many of the things she had - she’d make sure they knew they weren’t either. It wasn’t a healthy way to communicate but it was entirely involuntary. 

Moving to Juniper for what the couple thought was a short stint because of Nate’s role as a stuntman in a movie (Something he’d been training hard for) they were doing their best to make a new life for their little family even without the budget the two of them were used to. Splitting the parenting duties so both could still pursue their careers that didn’t stop Rylan from picking up a part time job in a coffee shop to help supplement their income when she wasn’t away on modelling jobs - especially since Nate’s new schedule meant she couldn’t leave town on a whim just to take a modelling job, needing to be there with Savannah. 

Still plagued with the pressures of looking good in front of the camera after becoming a mother which overflowed into her eating habits, an addiction to party drugs that had developed into something far more serious, and her need to numb her feelings with alcohol, Rylan is certainly not an easy person to be around sometimes. 

[rylanspratt]

✘ ╱  better keep an eye on RYLAN PRATT whenever they are around. Some say the TWENTY FIVE year old made their name by being a DRUG SMUGGLER for THE COMMAND. Feared by their RECKLESS + UNPREDICTABLE tendencies, however, their CHARISMATIC + ENERGETIC side helps maintain the facade. Can be easily found in MANHATTAN working as A MODEL.

[ Depression tw, drugs tw, anxiety tw, eating disorder tw, alcohol tw ]

Money bought you comfort, security, an education, designer clothes as well, but apparently it couldn’t buy you security inside your own mind. If she had to hear the words ‘what do you have to be sad about?” one more time the chances are Rylan Platt would go swinging for whoever’s mouth it had come out of because they were words she’d been hearing all her life. Born on the Upper East Side into a painfully wealthy socialite family had it not been medically impossible she’d have come out of her mother with a golden pacifier in her mouth. She sure as hell had one in it not long after.

Appearances being everything to Olivia and Kennedy Pratt so they naturally sent their daughter to the most prestigious schools, the best after school clubs, and had tutors to make sure she didn’t flunk out and embarrass the family. That was all good and well, but nothing really caught Rylan’s attention until she started playing piano as well as singing when she started high school - it gave her a freedom that she’d craved desperately longer than she’d even been aware herself. Plagued by insecurity her entire life her own mind had been a prison to her but when she closed her eyes to let the music carry her away there was a small rest from that fog.

Her depression had started to develop around the time she hit puberty, fuelled by body image issues that spilled over into other aspects of her life including her own feelings of self worth. Suddenly she would get into such negative self loathing mainframes she would spent days at a time in bed, hiding out from the world, sometimes crying and sometimes just laying there staring at the ceiling. Obviously her parents threw money at the problem, sending her to shrink after shrink who medicated her on and off, but nothing seemed to ever truly work enough to stop the depression from rearing its ugly head every so often. These days she is pretty fast and loose when it comes to taking her medication, as well as going to see her therapist. When she’s feeling good the woman is convinced she doesn’t need one, it’s only when that crippling depression hits her like a school bus that she is in a position where she needs someone to talk to. Only problem is that those are the times, sometimes weeks in succession, where she doesn’t get out of bed. Not particularly helpful when it comes to her career as a model for many high end brands and magazine spreads, the obvious choice of career for a girl plagued by insecurity. The industry was brutal, and more often than not she would end up lower than before in the wake of a shoot.

When she was approached by someone regarding making some extra money on the side helping to shift the drugs she herself was addicted to - Rylan saw it as an opportunity to rebel against her parents. Playing the model on the outside but additionally using her trips abroad for shoots or fashion week to smuggle contraband back into the United States for The Command.   Not needing to get a ‘proper job’ thanks to the comfortable nest egg her parents passed on to her every month and the highly paid advertising campaigns she landed every couple of months as the face of big brands, she could afford to spend her time indulging in her passions. Writing her own music mainly, but also partying her face off. Now she could do it while making some extra cash on the side and her naïvety left her not thinking about the repercussions that she could face being part of such a dangerous group.  

Rylan was with the same boyfriend for two years when he proposed to her at New Year, leading her to panic at the prospect of being tied to someone she … thought she loved for the rest of her life was terrifying. She’d been convinced they were made for each other for most their relationship but that had changed a few months earlier when she’d met his coworker and seen what love at first sight really was. The two of them ended up breaking up in the wake of the proposal to Rylan on New Year’s eve. Panicked by the level of commitment it involved she said no, literally running from the scene and into the arms of Nate Jones who she’d been with ever since, although they’d been forced to keep their relationship secret until only about six months ago. He didn’t know of her involvement with The Command - Rylan not wanting to pull him down into that when her emotional baggage already caused him enough worry. 

Still she was a vibrant young woman who loved to socialise, be out with friends, drink in the culture of New York City, and explore her own creativity through her music and keep up to date with everything fashion. Writing songs for and about friends, family, situations she got herself into, anything that sparked her inspiration. Everything around her. It was only when she was hit with her depression and insecurity that the girl changed into a shell of herself, it could be hard to watch according to people she had talked to about it in the past. The girl was a sweetheart, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have her fair share of people who didn’t like her, often because she felt threatened by them so she would lash out before they got the chance to. Before they could tell her what she thought was the truth - that she wasn’t worthy of many of the things she had - she’d make sure they knew they weren’t either. It wasn’t a healthy way to communicate but it was entirely involuntary. Plagued with the pressures of looking good in front of the camera which overflowed into her eating habits, an addiction to party drugs that had developed into something far more serious, and her need to numb her feelings with alcohol, Rylan was certainly not an easy person to be around sometimes. 

[thefirstknife]

Some of the more interesting bits of today's reset and dialogues. I loved this from Mara. She acknowledges her participation in steering Uldren towards his downfall AND she realises that she will have to do better with him in the future. This is from the ending dialogue when you finish the exotic quest for the Ager's Scepter.

I want to mention something from the start of the week because I've seen people get angry (but when do they not when it comes to Mara?)

Long post under read more:

It's about the discussion she and Ikora have at the terminal. Hot take, but both Mara and Ikora are right and wrong in the argument. Transcript:

Mara: "How long have your Hidden been privy to Uldren's resurrection?" Ikora: "Long enough to watch over him in your absence." Mara: "And you didn't direct him home. Why?" Ikora: "There was a concern he'd pick up some old habits." Mara: "You know the Garden made him sick. Riven twisted his mind. Eris would have seen it. She is not so easily deceived by skin-deep tricks." Ikora: "It's true I made mistakes, out of an idea of justice... out of grief. Are you leveling this same scrutiny toward Petra? Wasn't she supposed to be watching his grave?" Mara: "Petra has paid her dues. The Vanguard murdered him and has yet to pay theirs." Ikora: "We both lost family. I am sorry for my part in yours, but... Crow has been treated --" Mara: "My brother is dead. He was exhumed; his body twisted into a caricature. You had your vengeance." Ikora: "Is that what you're after? Cayde... I still feel that grief like a stone caught in my chest. Some days, it's more pronounced than others. Vengeance didn't erode that grief." Mara: "Then tell me. Who am I to blame? Who sent him to Savathun's clutches? Who bludgeoned Uldren into a scared animal and drove him from his home?" Ikora: "You did, Mara. And those Guardians that hurt him, did so out of misguided anger. Don't make the same mistake. Don't make my mistake."

This is some heavy stuff and there's a lot going on. First, I like that Mara doesn't respond at the end. It's uncharacteristic for her. It shows that Ikora's words did something to her. This is evident in the exotic quest later which I've already put at the beginning of the post. She's had time to think and she's admitting the part she played.

I dislike some of Ikora's arguments a lot. First, "concern that he'd pick up some old habits" goes entirely against the Vanguard policy and belief that Guardians are new people. They were only concerned because of bias towards Uldren due to what he's done. And Crow knows this! He said so last week when he wondered why is he the only Guardian judged by his past life. No one else is subjected to the same way of thinking. This is the reason why Guardians aren't supposed to dig around their past lives. Obviously with Crow, there's no way for him to avoid it, but the argument that, if he knew, he'd just magically become Uldren (and not just base!Uldren, but murderer!Uldren who will... I don't know, go after Ikora and Zavala or the innocent people in the City?) really shows how much the Vanguard mistreated Crow.

I also dislike the move to Petra. As Mara says, Petra has paid her dues. She really has. Let's not forget that Uldren was not just some guy to her or just her Prince; he was her friend. She had to watch him spiral out of control due to things she couldn't help him with, she had to make the choice to put him away until Mara comes back and at the end she had to make the choice to kill him. This trauma has shaped her.

The Vanguard hasn't paid any dues. That's kinda the whole point of Mara's questioning. Ikora tries to explain that this was due to grief and losing family, but pray tell Ikora, has Mara not lost family too? Mara mentions this immediately as expected.

Ikora is however right to say that it was ultimately Mara's actions that led to the situation we're currently in. The Vanguard had no say in Awoken royal family affairs. Mara knows this, she said as much in the past few weeks and other lore in general: she spoke at length about the distance she pushed between them out of perceived necessity, the need to shape Uldren in a way to make him less like himself (since she disliked his recklessness and dangerous behaviours), but ultimately that only made things worse. She's aware that his venture into the Black Garden was fuelled by Uldren's need to prove himself. Ironically, in an effort to make him loyal and devoted, Mara pushed him into more recklessness instead of stopping it. She's aware of this. Asking Ikora "who am I to blame" was just waiting to be roasted.

But Mara is also right to ask about how the Vanguard treated both Uldren and Crow. How they washed their hands from killing him "officially" by hiding behind the Guardian, how nobody in the Tower answered for this. Their treatment of Crow as well: forcing him into hiding, isolating him. Excusing all the suffering he felt at the hands of the Guardians as "misguided anger." The torture he endured from Guardians just for showing his face was so much more than just "misguided anger" and Mara is right to feel heated and enraged when she talks about this and when she asks her questions. She expressed similar distaste and anger in a voice line with Glint in regards to how the Spider treated Crow.

I got an interesting dialogue at the end of my Shattered Realm run which also made me really irritated on behalf of both Crow and Mara when it comes to the Vanguard. Ikora asks Crow why didn't he send his latest report and Crow replies that he's had a lot going on and a lot to deal with. Which is true! He's not the Drifter who doesn't send reports out of spite; Crow genuinely wants to help but he's struggling with a lot of things that we can't even begin to unravel. He deserves patience and understanding. However, the following then ensues.

Ikora:

Crow:

Ikora:

This last part is a nice sentiment. But excuse me. Crow has literally been resurrected, isolated, tortured, enslaved and then "rescued" only to be thrust into a cage in the Tower and given "responsibilities." He is not obliged to be the Vanguard's errand boy. It's honestly quite rude from Ikora to tell him that he has to take his responsibilities seriously. The man hasn't lived a single day in his life without anxiety over whether he'll be tortured to death in the street if he shows his face.

I know the Vanguard gave him protection from the Spider and stuff to do (which he enjoys) and accepted him into their ranks. That's all good. But there's very little empathy here that acknowledges the life he's lived. Crow deserves to experience things that aren't isolation, imprisonment and following orders.

And most of all, he deserves to know the truth. Something the Vanguard has denied him for almost a year now. I know Savathun's schemes were involved and specifically, they were involved through impersonating Osiris which made a lot of people turn a blind eye. But now that this is known?

Crow can't share his burdens without knowing the truth. That's the whole problem. Everybody, except him, knows who he was. Everyone looks at him and treats him through that lens. He can't unburden himself without being told half-truths and being denied information. His burdens exist precisely because he doesn't know while everyone else does. So while the sentiment is nice, it reads more like a "that sucks buddy" than a genuine offer to help him with what is really bothering him.

On the other hand, obviously sharing the truth is difficult. His past life is more complicated than for most other Guardians. He's been through things that other Guardians haven't. The situation is complex on every single level and every character has a reason for the choices they've made.

Sometimes those choices are wrong and they are mistakes. And Mara isn't the only one who made the wrong choices and mistakes, consciously and unconsciously. It's a disservice to the complexity of the situation, Ikora, the Vanguard and Uldren to boil everything down to "Mara bad." Doesn't make for a compelling story.

That's what I wanted to address in detail because on the surface, it's easy to just dismiss either of the character you dislike more. And that's just reducing the story to a spectrum of black and white that Destiny really, ironically, isn't about.

[littleaxebad]

Punishment

I’m back again, with more anxiety and BS-fuelled nonsense for the wonderful Jalim/HoA community. It’s been a weird day, and somewhere between watching The Boys and listening to Tool, you get... this.

Enjoy some smut written by someone who clearly has no idea what they’re talking about! 

Summary: Jason is acting out, and Salim must respond accordingly.

(Please let me know if you see any glaring spelling mistakes)

Punishment [4 Degrees]

Jason knew he was being annoying. But he’d gotten to the point where it had become too late to back down. Salim was trying to clean up after dinner (a meal that he had also made) and Jason was getting in the way, in every way imaginable. It might have been the lack of activity in recent days that was getting to him, the directionless feeling of having no real job and nothing much to do around the house, or the anticipation of moving to a new country to try and start a life with a man he’d, for all intents and purposes, only just met - or a combination of all of these things, balling and warping into nervous, childish energy. Jason had to release that energy somehow, and it just so happened that pawing at Salim: pulling on his waistband, running fingers through his hair, trying to hold his hands while he was washing the dishes, seemed (at the time) to be the best outlet. 

When Salim finally grumbled “Jason, this water is hot” the little Jiminy Cricket voice in the back of his head told Jason he’d probably gone too far, but it was a very little voice and it lacked conviction. Jason responded by unceremoniously shoving his hands down the front of Salim’s sweatpants and nuzzling into the back of his neck.

“Are you trying to make me punish you?” Salim asked, pointedly ignoring the wandering fingers.

“Is that a threat?” Jason asked the back of his head.

“It might be.” Salim’s voice was very low, but Jason’s moral compass was apparently taking a vacation. 

“Ooh. Scary.”

Salim leaned back from the sink, picking up the dish cloth to dry his hands. Jason was forced to follow his movements, and wasn’t quick enough in withdrawing when Salim whipped around. Jason had barely taken a step back when the Iraqi grabbed him around the middle, and hoisted the younger man over his shoulder. Salim was surprisingly strong, his power hidden beneath a soft and honey-tanned exterior that Jason found mouth-wateringly irresistible. But right now, bent in the middle and slung about like a sack of potatoes, Jason had to concede the power could be a touch scary too. Not much, just a tiny bit. Jason foolishly responded by smacking Salim across the ass, his reward for which was to have his head bounce lightly off the doorframe as Salim entered the bedroom. He dumped Jason onto the bed and stood back with his arms crossed. Jason tried to look sheepish, but the heat in his cheeks and the tenting in his shorts did little to aid the illusion. 

“Strip.” Salim said, and it sounded commanding enough, but his lips were trying to fight a smile, and besides - Jason didn’t want to be wearing clothes right now anyway.

“Yes, sir.” Jason even threw in a salute for good measure. 

Once Jason had discarded his three bits of clothing, by tossing them to various locations in the room, none of which were the laundry hamper, he stood in front of Salim with his hands on his hips. But that felt foolish even to Jason, so he dropped them and aimed for a more casual stance. Salim raised his eyebrows but still didn’t move.

“You just gunna stare at me all night?” Jason licked his lips. Salim wasn’t usually this… bossy.

“Hmm,” the older man considered, “what happened to those wandering hands?”

“Ohh. You want help.” 

Jason took two steps forward and ran his hands over Salim’s shoulders and down his forearms, pulling them apart so he could unbutton and peel off the linen shirt. Jason was careful to do this both agonisingly slowly, and with determined purpose, touching all of Salim’s sensitive spots. The older man was definitely smiling now, as Jason dropped to his knees, taking the waistband of the sweatpants and Salim’s underwear with him. Salim stepped out of the pants, and Jason tossed them away too, into the hall for no good reason. Then, on his knees and slightly out of breath, he looked up at Salim. 

“You’re not very good at this punishment thing…” the words were out of Jason’s mouth before he could stop himself and shove them back in. Salim took a half-step back, yanking Jason’s head up by the hair so that Jason was forced to rock back onto his heels. Overbalancing, but with Salim’s fingers still fisted in his hair, Jason scrambled for the thick thighs in front of him, pulling himself forward. He leant up slightly into Salim’s grip, unashamed that he was enjoying the sharp tension, and licked a stripe along his lovers cock. Salim retracted his half-step, and Jason took that as his cue to continue: one hand on Salim’s thigh to steady himself, the other pumping his shaft while Jason salivated around the engorged head. Apparently having his hand fisted in Jason’s hair had done something to Salim as well. 

Jason tried to maintain a steady pace: he didn’t want Salim to let go, but he didn’t want his hair ripped out either. This was uncharted territory for both of them, but Jason would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about doing any number of kinky things with, or to, Salim. Or having Salim do any number of kinky things to him. Jason heard Salim’s breathing change, become deep and slow, and felt his lover begin to rock slightly into Jason’s mouth. He sucked harder, digging his nails into soft flesh, sliding his hand around to firmly grip Salim’s ass.

“Jason,” quiet, another command, and Jason looked up, making eye contact while he ran his tongue around Salim’s tip. Salim cocked his head slowly; his eyes were dark and his lips were parted. Jason repeated the motion, waiting for the next stern demand. 

Suddenly, he was dragged up by the hair, and Salim was kissing him roughly, both hands pushing him close, and Jason’s fingers jerked uselessly, looking for purchase on the muscular arms. And then he was shoved back, and away, and Salim was turning him - forcing him down onto the bed with his face in the sheets and his ass in the air.

“Fuck…babe…” Jason’s brain short circuited as he tried to articulate his desire.

“Stay there.” Salim almost whispered, disappearing into the bathroom momentarily. Jason was too far gone to feel shame at his compromising position, instead moving around until he was comfortable and waiting for Salim to return with a bottle of lube or oil or whatever he was planning on using. He could have used Sriracha at this point and Jason would have been fine with it.

When Salim returned Jason tried to look over his shoulder, but he received a sharp tap on his ass and an “eyes front, Marine,” for his efforts. Which went straight to his aching prick - making Jason briefly wonder if he had some sort of chain-of-command fetish, despite them being essentially the same rank. 

Fisting his hands in the sheets, Jason waited with the bare minimum of patience for Salim to touch him - even the ghost of wandering fingertips would have been welcome - but for long moments Salim did nothing. Was this the punishment - get Jason all riled up and then make him suffer in horny silence. ‘Wow, what a cu-!’

Jason’s thought process was shattered into pieces by Salim pushing two very slicked digits into his asshole, making the ex-marine moan loudly and push back against the intrusion, begging for more. 

He tried to say something scathing but it came out as “yissuchabasted” which just made Salim laugh. 

“I’m enjoying myself, even if you aren’t,” he replied, inserting a third finger and turning Jason’s brain into mush.

Jason rolled his hips back into the touch, Salim roughly jerking his fingers in and out, and curling them to abuse Jason’s prostate. Without realising, Jason had started drooling into the sheets and he tried to shut his mouth, but Salim chose this moment to lean forward and run his tongue along Jason’s crack and the noise that escaped the younger man was almost feral. And then Salim’s touch was gone again, and Jason was left feeling light-headed and strung out. He knew what was coming next, and once again Salim made him wait for it.

Eventually strong hands were on his hips, massaging the flesh, moving down to paw at his thighs, before sliding back up and along his ass. And then - nothing.

“Babe…please…please.” Jason whimpered into the sheets, pushing back again. And again Salim hummed, as though considering whether Jason deserved his dick or not.

“I’ll be good… I’ll be so good.” Jason tried, not looking over his shoulder, even though he wanted to see Salim’s face.

The silence was almost painful, and then Salim’s hands were back on him, spreading him, and Jason groaned appreciatively, moving his knees further apart to accommodate his lover. 

Salim was gentle at first; caressing Jason’s hole with the tip of his cock, before pushing in halfway, and withdrawing. Jason bit down on his lip to stop any requests forming that might interfere, but it was unlikely they would come out as coherent words anyway. 

When Salim seemed satisfied that Jason was adequately stretched, he withdraw once more and waited half a breath before pushing in to the hilt. Jason cried out involuntarily, swearing profusely as Salim’s perfect cock filled him.

“Jason.” Salim breathed; there was deep longing in his voice, a gentle edge that suggested he was still in command, and a breathlessness that suggested he found this just as delicious as Jason did.

“Fuck me. Fuck me - fill me with your fuckin’ cum.” Jason keened. He’d meant for his voice to sound more authoritative, but he was happy to settle for downright desperate. 

“Will you be good for me?” That damn voice again.

“Fuck yeah.”

Salim gripped Jason’s hips, placing one foot on the bed and pressing down. The pressure had Jason arching into the touch like a cat. And then Salim began to move; steady, powerful thrusts that knocked the wind out of Jason’s lungs in little uh, uh, uh gasps. He could hear Salim moaning, lightly at first and then deeper and uninhibited as he increased his pace. Jason’s mind unravelled, he was unaware of anything that wasn’t Salim, himself, or the sheets rubbing against his cheek and filling his fists. Salim was relentless, his comforting weight pushing into Jason’s ass almost erratically, as heat pooled in the younger man’s gut and spread through his legs, down his rock hard cock, and up his spine. 

“I’m close, I’m so fucking close.” Jason heard himself whimper, refraining once more from making any demands.

“Good boy,” Salim answered, his voice like velvet, “you’re such a good boy.” And that was it - white lightning arced down Jason’s spine as he climaxed, his ass constricting around Salim’s length and his vision turning to black nothingness. The world pitched sideways, and the elastic from the corner of the fitted sheet hit him in the face. 

When Jason came to, he could feel everything with a brilliant clarity that was slowly fading as he slipped down from his high. Salim was standing behind him, hands on the small of his back, breathing heavily, his spent seed dripping from Jason’s ass. Jason didn’t feel particularly punished as he rolled to the side, overbalancing his lover who almost fell on him. He felt immensely lucky, and loved, and like he’d found a much better way to expend his nervous energy. He had just enough presence of mind to allow Salim to lead him into the bathroom without offering snarky comments or man-handling the Iraqi. 

But not enough presence of mind not to mock salute Salim when he tried to pull Jason in for a kiss.

[americxn]

Confession (Colin x Fem!Reader)

a/n - I don’t know if Colin is only involved in missing person/murder cases but I decided to go arson instead because murder seemed way too serious for this scenario. Also, I’m not a lawyer, I have no clue what I’m talking about but we move

wordcount: 2.7k warnings: NSFW, kinda dom Colin (putting this as a warning bc I know some of you don’t like that), fingering, mentions of arson

Colin’s eyes were dark and unwavering as he pinned them on you, his thumbs tucked into the waistband of his work pants as he lounged against the back of his chair, his eyebrows slightly cocked and mouth a thin line. A portrait of increasing irritation. Your own head cocked slightly, waiting for him to repeat his question for the twentieth time in an hour. Sighing, he pulled his hands away from his waist, shifting to straighten on his chair as he leant forwards, levelling an utterly unamused look at you. His patience was wearing thin. Good. A small smile curved the corners of your mouth upwards as your chin raised slightly, Colin’s eyes flashing in agitation at your increasingly insufferable attitude. “I’m only going to ask you this one more time: where were you on the night of October 10th?” “At home.” You responded easily, the same answer you had given him with each reiteration of the question. 

His jaw clenched at your unrelenting impassivity, the muscles within feathering. He braced his elbows on the surface of the cold metal table between you, leaning forwards, his eyes never once leaving yours. You bit back your amusement, leaning in slightly to meet him in mocking interest, your arrogance spilling onto the metal before you, pooling about the detective’s elbows, dripping from the table onto the concrete floor.  “Let me repeat this once more,” he began, his tone dropping and becoming somewhat condensing, as if you were a child incapable of grasping the concept of the situation. “Several witnesses came forward and gave both your name and general description on the night of 10th, only several minutes after officials suspect that the fire was started.” Your amusement was momentarily doused as the image of the fire that you had ignited flashed, the memory of the pure ecstasy and sense of completion that had filled you the second you dropped the match onto the gasoline-coated floor of the large, abandoned building. Pulling your attention back to the man before you, you merely shrugged, leaning back in your chair and bringing a hand up to your face, examining your carefully manicured nails. “It was dark, detective. They could’ve seen anyone. As I’ve already explained multiple times, I was at home, not fucking around setting buildings on fire.” The lies came too easily to you. Colin seemed to be thinking the same thing as he tipped his head back to the brightly illuminated ceiling and let out a truly exasperated sigh. You quietly scoffed, folding your hands together in your lap and gazing at him with feigned innocence, allowing a patient demeanor to slip over you.  “You’re enjoying this far too much. This is serious, y/n.” He gritted out as he lowered his eyes back to yours. The small smile of indifference painted on your face as he surveyed you once more served as your second act of arson, fuelling his growing anger. He knew it was you. You knew he knew. Your smile only grew. “I know that you’re guilty.” He threw the words across the table at you, his voice low. “If you’re so confident that it was me, why am I even here?” You pressed offhandedly, the front legs of your chair lifting off the floor as you pushed back on it. “Because I need a verbal confession.” Colin stated firmly. “And you’re going to give me one.” You couldn’t help the snort that bubbled out of you at his overly confident words, your eyes alight with flickering amusement. His own eyes flashed in warning. “Of course you are. And how, exactly, do you plan on getting one from me?” You challenged, your chair falling fulling back to the floor with a dull thud. Colin’s eyes flicked down to the surface of the table, as if watching through the thick metal as you placed your feet back on the ground. His own feet shifted beneath the table, his eyes lifting back to yours as his foot appeared on the edge of your chair between your slightly parted legs. You stiffened in confused alarm but kept your eyes trained on his as he slowly pressed his foot into your pussy, the pointed tip of his leather shoe spearing onto your clothed clit, too-sensitive even through the protection of your clothes. A gasp ripped free from your throat at the sudden pressure, any amusement having fled from your features, now displayed proudly on Colin’s instead. “What’re you-” the tip of his shoe twitched harshly against your covered core, the rest of your words dissipating into the suddenly tension-filled space between you. “Talk me through your evening on the 10th.” He ordered, his eyes falling wholly dark as he tracked the movement of your lower lip catching between your teeth. Your hands fell onto the arms of the chair you sat in, clenching tightly onto the cold metal as a spontaneous inner conflict took place within you. Push him off or see where this goes. This ‘interrogation’ had gone on for far too long, you were beginning to get bored. And so, you settled further into your chair, pressing yourself slightly further onto the tip of his shoe, an almost inaudible groan working its way out of you at the increased pressure. “I’ve told you. I was at home.” He retracted his shoe ever so slightly before pressing it against you once more with even more persistence. When he didn’t reply, his jaw working in annoyance, you sighed softly, not allowing any anxiety to worm its way into you as he put you on the spot, creating a vague alibi in a matter of seconds. You knew that stalling for a moment too long would only raise his suspicions. “I came home from work at around five. I drove.” You added, reluctant to leave any room for further questioning, not as his shoe began to make small strokes up and down on your clothed cunt, dulling your vital concentration.  Your integrity lapsed at his increasing attention on your core, your legs parting more of their own accord.  “I, um, I showered for like fifteen minutes and then I went to make food.” The lie was weak; Colin’s mouth twitched, as if a smirk strained to formed on his thin lips. “You don’t live alone, do you?”  You swallowed but shook your head. “No. My roommates weren’t home.” “Oh?” He uttered, urging you to present him with an explanation. You bit down on the inside of your cheek as he pressed the tip of his shoe against you even harder.  “They stayed at the college library to study.” Your tone wavered, your eyes flicking down to your shamelessly parted legs. “Unfortunately, I spoke to two of your roommates earlier.” At his cruel contradiction, your eyes fluttered closed in defeat. “They were all home by four that night.” His chair creaked as he leant forwards, your eyes flying open with a low groan as his foot was forced further against you. “What’s even more interesting, is that they didn’t see you at all that night.” “What’s the point of this?” You muttered, lifting your gaze to his. “Why ask if you know I’m lying to you?” “Because I need to hear you confess.” He answered simply, pushing back his chair and standing. Your hips rocked forwards slightly on your seat, trying to subconsciously chase after his foot as he stood. Watching closely as he slowly made his way around the table, small ribbons of nervousness finally began to unfurl within your gut, your unease growing as he reached you, coming to a halt beside the chair that you sunk further into beneath his scrutiny.  The hand that he snaked onto your shoulder was a warm weight and you took a steadying breath as his other fell onto your side, Colin taking a step behind your chair. Looking straight ahead, you didn’t dare shift so much as an inch as his hand slid from your shoulder to the crook of your neck, his fingers settling onto your skin. You resisted the urge to cross your legs, waiting for Colin’s next words, the hand at your side beginning to run softly up and down the length between your ribs and your hip. Your breathing hitched as he stooped down, his own breath hot on the side of your neck. "What would happen if I was guilty? If I did confess?” You chose the words carefully but your true intentions behind the cautious question was explicit: What happened when you confessed? “Either I use the evidence I have against you in court and accuse you of being guilty. Or, you confess, and get a lesser sentence. Since no one was harmed and there were no malicious intentions, right now with no confession, you’re looking at a heavy fine and restitution.” Whilst he spoke lowly in your ear, his hand made a slow trail from your side to your abdomen and any information that he was providing you evaded your attention as all of your focus trained itself upon the hand that Colin was sliding lower and lower down your body. He drew swirling patterns across your stomach with the tips of his fingers, dipping tantalisingly past your belly button before straying back up your torso once more. Your eyes dropped to watch the smooth movements of his fingertips. A small part of your conscious scolded yourself for how wrong this was but the other, larger part sung with nervous excitement, willing his hand to fall even lower. You were going to have to give him a confession at some point or another. He already knew you were guilty, what would be the harm in getting some fulfilment from it?  “But it’s ultimately not up to me. Just know that a confession will lighten the consequences.” You merely nodded, your eyes never straying from the hand that leisurely explored the stretch of your stomach, Colin’s body a warm presence behind you, his hands roving closer and closer to where you ached for him, the sweet scent of your arousal filling the room. His lithe fingers made quick work of the buttons holding your pants together, your head falling back against his chest as he pressed his body further against the back of your chair. He hummed lowly in approval as his fingers finally delved between your folds, gathering the wetness at your entrance and smearing it up to your clit. His fingers made tight, messy circles atop it as he spoke lowly in your ear: “Let’s try one last time. Where were you on the night of October 10th?” You took a sharp breath, Colin’s fingers straying from your sweet bundle of nerves to your opening, poised amongst the wetness gathered there as he awaited your answer. “At home.” You whispered weakly, trying to lift your hips in an effort of bribing the finger that languidly circled your entrance. His fingers stopped moving entirely, drawing away from your cunt and simply resting in your pants. You groaned at his blatant denial. “Okay. I left work early, around three, and went home to change -”  He plunged a single finger deep into you, coaxing a low groan from your throat. You turned your face into the warmth of his chest as he twisted that single finger inside of you, trying to organise your thoughts and remember your actions of that evening as he began to move his finger in and out. “I was only home for about half an hour.” You whispered into the awaiting silence of the room as he slowly eased a second finger into your cunt, starting to pump them in a steady rhythm, the tips of his fingers curling to hit the spot within you that seemed to send shock waves throughout your entire body with each stroke of his rough fingertips against it, coaxing more information from you, using your own pleasure as a bribe. "I drove to the property. There was no one there when I arrived so I waited.” You continued, voice accented with whiny need, the expert curling of Colin’s fingers within you as you opened up to him sending more wetness gathering around his long digits, a pleasant warm sensation spreading throughout your stomach. “Why?” His voice was low in your ear and your eyes fluttered closed as his ministrations caused more pleasure to grow within your gut. You let out a quiet moan as he inserted a third finger into you at your silence, wasting no time in establishing a steady fast pace, Colin fervent to pull the confession from you. “Oh, shit.” You moaned out as his fingers thrusted relentlessly inside of you, seeming to reach deeper than you even thought was possible, his desperation to draw the condemning evidence from you apparent. “Why?” He repeated, your confidence faltering as you realised that you had given him enough information and that now all he needed to hear was your reasoning to why.  “Why, y/n?” A drawn out groan floated from your parted lips, tugging your answer out behind it. “I was bored. I wanted people to see, I wanted them to talk about it.” The heat within the pit of your stomach was fuelled with each stroke of his fingers and soon your legs were trembling and your toes were curling. The small triumphant smile displayed upon Colin’s face was evident in his tone as he asked you one final question, whispered lowly into your ear: “So you burnt the building down?”   Lifting your hips up slightly, you gripped onto the arm snaked around you body with both hands, trying to urge his fingers to go harder, deeper as your pleasure built and built, each thrust of his fingers ripping away a layer of the ball of ecstasy glowing in your gut, the orgasm hidden at its centre your only goal. “Y/n.” Colin prompted quietly, your poorly suppressed groan almost drowning his voice out completely as your pleasure mounted, building quickly towards release. The groan turned from one of satisfaction to one of dismay as Colin suddenly withdrew his fingers from you entirely, your hips bucking up pathetically as he rested his hand within your pants. His message was clear: no confession, no orgasm. “Yes!” You squeaked, your fingers tightening their grip on his arm, willing his fingers to resume their skilful exploration of your cunt. “Yes. I burnt the building down.”  Colin plunged his fingers back into your awaiting entrance, victorious as you shrieked in alarm and pleasure, his digits filled you suddenly once more. “Cum, y/n.” Colin encouraged lowly when he felt you clenching around him and he leant down further, his teeth latching onto the soft shell of your ear and biting down sharply. The slight pain pushed you over the edge and you came undone in his arms, your back arching off the back of the chair, your head pressing further against the hard planes of his chest, your head lolling to the side as you came, the unfamiliar scent of the man filling your nose, serving as a reminder of who was granting you your blissful gratification. Colin’s tongue traced over the small hurt that he had inflicted with his teeth, his fingers stilling their relentless thrusting to move within you instead, curling at the perfect angle and coaxing every last drop of cum from you before pulling out entirely. Your thighs jerked and trembled, closing around his hand as you came down from your high with a gasp, regaining control of your body once more, your back collapsing back against the chair.  Withdrawing his hand from your pants, he stepped away from you, your laboured breaths filling the small room, your wetness glistening on Colin’s fingers beneath the harsh lighting as he pulled away, walking slowly back around the table and dropping into his own chair. Your swallow was audible as he pulled his papers closer to him, taking up a pen and beginning to scribble messily formed words onto the blank sheet. His dark eyes flicked up to meet yours, triumph glistening there. “You can go now.” He dismissed, his attention settling back on the paper he filled out. “Go sit back in the waiting room, I’ll send someone to talk you through what happens next.” You rose from your seat in silence, your wetness smearing onto your upper thighs as you moved, your legs weak. With one final glance at the detective, you turned on your heel, trying to gather back some of your dignity as you left the room, Colin’s focus remaining fixed to the paper before him as the door closed behind you. 

taglist: @kitwalker02 @three-eyed-snail @forevercountess @kitwalkerangel @milly-louise @thecountessesglove @undeadcortez @kitwalker64 @samsassinparvismagna @xmaximoffic @divineruler @liandav @tatesweaterweather @evanmybeloved @tatelangdonsupremacist @ikkleroniekins @ananad1 @shlutnutt

[bruhstories]

Baby, I’ve Already got Your Heart

Summary: An accidental meeting between Armin and Y/N leads to an unhealthy obsession. Pairing: Armin Arlert x Fem!Reader (modern AU) Warnings: stalking, language, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, fingering, oral sex (male receiving), oral sex (female receiving), switch!Reader, switch!Armin, rope is involved. Word Count: 2.5 k

A/N: This fic is heavily inspired by this song. It is surprisingly wholesome, considering the tags xD

Armin Arlert. The purest man in the world. You accidentally met him one cold, rainy day when he entered your coffee shop for shelter and warmth. He naively talked to you, grateful for how nice you were with him, grateful for the cappuccino on the house, grateful for the towel you offered him to dry himself off. Little did Armin know, a fixation sprouted in your mind and heart, developing into the unhealthiest obsession. He was just so cute — and you just had to have him. It helped to know that you were both going to the same university, and after that, you knew everything about him: his Facebook, Instagram, email address, hell, you even knew his real address. To be fair, it was a piece of cake, the boy was absolutely clueless and whenever he 'accidentally' met you, he thought it was by pure chance. The next and most obvious step was to befriend people in his social circle, one Jean Kirstein, one Sasha Braus and one Connie Springer. Naturally, you did your homework, and you knew his best friends were Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman, but they weren't easy targets. Besides, it would jeopardise your entire plan, as you found Armin was considered a genius. An oblivious genius. He didn't know it yet, but you loved him and he loved you too, right?

A text from Sasha, months after you first met the angelic man, set your plan in motion. A casual gaming night at Armin's place, and you were invited. How perfect. Poor glutton Sasha had no fucking clue how much you were using her, how you told her you want to meet a cute guy, someone nice and caring, someone smart and attentive. The girl put two and two together and decided she just had to introduce you to one of her friends, especially that he was also interested in meeting a girl like you. Unbelievable — you acted surprised, met up with Sasha and left for Armin's little gaming night. You wouldn't let this opportunity go to waste. Starting from tonight, he'd be yours. Forever.

"Armiiiiiiiiin, I brought a plus one!" Sasha barged into his house. "This is my friend, Y/N. Y/N, Armin! Oh shit, pretzels!" The brown-haired woman left the two of you in the hallway and the blond flashed you a smile.

"I feel like I've seen you before." He mused as he closed the door behind you.

"If you ever drink coffee at Rose's you might've seen me there." You smiled and removed your leather jacket, revealing a Pearl Jam t-shirt.

"No way you listen to them!" Armin blurted.

"Are you kidding me? They're my favourite!" You lied through your teeth with a sickly-sweet smile.

"Mine too! Oh, I know, you're the girl who gave me a free cappuccino months ago!"

"I remember! You were drenched in rainwater." You laughed as the two of you entered the living room. "I had to mop up the puddles you left behind."

"I'm so sorry about that..." He blushed. Your heart fluttered and you couldn't wait to get your hands on him, but for the time being, you needed to behave.

"No worries, I just hope you didn't catch a cold." You assured Armin and sympathetically placed a hand on his shoulder. There he goes, blushing again. It couldn't be... was he a virgin? Fuck. This was better than you could've imagined.

"Who's this?"

"Oh, Mikasa, Eren, this is Y/N. She's friends with Sasha."

"Nice to meet you!" Eren shook your hand. "Oh, God, you listen to Pearl Jam, too? You nerds are going to get along just fine." He joked.

The night went great, and you actually had fun with Armin and his friends, despite not intending to mingle with them too much. People started leaving around 2 am, but Eren and Mikasa stayed longer. Too fucking long — and things were boring now anyway. You and Armin kept talking about video games and books, Mikasa fell asleep on Eren who was playing fucking Farmville on his phone. They had to leave as soon as possible.

"Hey, Y/N, we can take you home." Eren suggested and you froze. Shit.

"Didn't you say you're almost out of gas?" Armin questioned his friend.

"Ah, fuck, you're right. I still don't know how that happened — I fuelled the tank yesterday!" The brunette scoffed. "Guess you're on your own, Y/N."

"It's alright, I'll take an uber." You politely smiled.

"Alright, we'll wait for you."

Oh, for fuck's sake. Truth be told, you appreciated how nice and caring Armin's friends were, but you had a different goal to accomplish.

"You really don't have to, plus I have to use the bathroom." You excused yourself. "Um, where is the bathroom exactly?"

"Upstairs, first door on the right." Armin told you while gathering plates and cups from the table. You nodded and climbed up the stairs. Your hand hovered over the bathroom doorknob for a good minute, eyes drifting to the door next to it. Armin's bedroom, by the looks of it. Surely, you could take a look, right? Fuck it. You opened the second door and at first glance, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. LED and fairy lights encircled a corner of his room and, curiously, you walked closer to see what that was, because it didn't look like a desk. Your Y/E/C widened when you saw tens of framed photographs of yourself on the square table, objects you thought you lost and — Jesus, was that your bra? A rush of anxiety hit you, but before you could do anything, a blow to your head blurred your vision.

•°☆°•☆•°☆°•

Dark lashes fluttered as you opened your eyes. The sudden realisation that you were naked and restrained to a bed made you jolt. What just happened?

"Fucking finally, I thought you'd never wake up." Armin greeted you, but his voice was different, deeper and darker.

"Ar-ugh, Armin?" You groaned at the stinging sensation at the back of your head.

"You know, I was relieved you didn't leave with Sasha, otherwise you would've slipped between my fingers again."

Again?

"Ugh, and Eren and his stupid idea. 'We'll take you home.'" He mocked his best friend with a high pitch. "I've been dreaming for this moment since I walked into that shitty coffee shop."

You were at a loss for words. This was not the Armin you fantasised about, not the Armin you wanted. He was much more and much worse. And. So. Much. Better.

Alright then, you'd put up a show for him.

"P-please, Armin, please untie m-me! I'll be good, I p-promise!" You stuttered and whimpered, trying your best to sound genuine.

"Why, so you can run away?" The blond scoffed. So, he didn't know you stalked him. What a twist.

"I won't r-run, I swear!"

"Bullshit." Armin bent over your body, hands around your neck. You gasped and pretended to be startled by his touch, but in reality, your core was already burning with lust. You knew you couldn't keep up with this charade. "No, Y/N, I won't untie you. But we'll have so much fun." He sneered.

"You promise?"

"Yes. Wait—"

Your laughter filled the bedroom, genuine laughter that baffled Armin. Was this some sort of reverse psychology trick?

"Oh, Armin, even when you reveal your true colours, you're still oblivious to the reality of what's in front of you."

"Then enlighten me, what am I so oblivious to?" He folded his arms across his chest and waited.

"The fact that this was my fucking plan, too." You stretched as much as your restraints allowed you to and licked your lips. "I guess we both stalked each other without even knowing. How ridiculous."

"I think I would've known if you stalked me, Y/N."

"Really? Let me prove it, then. Your favourite food's Carbonara pasta, your favourite drink is peach and lychee iced tea, favourite movie is Interstellar, you lived on Sheena street until you were 12–"

"That's common knowledge, Sasha could've told you any of that." Armin blurted, growing impatient.

"You watch BDSM and asphyxiation porn between 10 pm and 11 pm every Tuesday, you're a virgin, you own a fleshlight–"

"Fuck, alright!" He threw his hands in the air, defeated. "So, what next?"

"You untie me and you tear me apart, Armin, that's what's next."

The blond hesitated before removing the cuffs on your ankles, still unsure about the ropes around your wrists. Clearly, you weren't making things up, but what were the chances of both of you stalking each other? For a brief moment, Armin felt guilty for hitting you and practically holding you captive, and you could see that on his face, but obsession and desire soon took over, and he reverted back to his darker self. His soft hands moved from your ankles to your knees, up your thighs and stomach, stopping above your chest, deciding it's best if you're not fully free. Armin licked his lips and climbed on top of you, unbuttoning his flannel shirt. You thought was surprisingly strong for such a thin man, but when the unbuttoned shirt revealed his chiselled abdomen, it made sense why he was strong.

"The wrists, Armin." You insisted but the blond clicked his tongue.

"I like you better when you're helpless." He pressed his lips onto yours in a hot kiss. A great kiss, you thought, your tongues wrestling for supremacy.

"Please, I want to touch you! I need to..." You trailed off, intoxicated by his smell, notes of saffron and cardamom. His hands roamed your shoulders, tickling your axilla and groping your breasts. "Please let me touch you, Armin!" You begged again, but he didn't say a word, his hot breath fanning over your oversensitive nipples, goosebumps all over your skin. His pink tongue poked out of his mouth and you watched him painstakingly slowly lick one of your nipples. It literally pained you to be unable to touch him, pull him closer to you. Alas, you had no choice, and despite yearning to be in control, it aroused you to have him control you.

"You smell so sweet." He abruptly stopped. "I bet you taste sweet, too."

"Armin..." His words made you brace yourself. While you weren't a virgin, you've never had anyone eat you out. The blond was already in between your legs, one hand resting under your thigh, the other gently touching your slick folds. Armin was so careful, like you were made of glass, and the ticklish sensation didn't help you at all. You wanted him to ram his cock inside of you and rearrange your guts, but he wanted to take his sweet time. The teasing only made you dizzy with pleasure, and you bucked your hips, trying to get him to move faster.

"You really need to learn to be patient, Y/N." Armin purred, pressing gentle kisses on your thighs. He lazily dragged his tongue across your slit, electricity shooting through your body. God, how you wanted to rip those ropes apart. Two fingers entered you and the blond gingerly licked your clit.  

"Fuck– so... so good ah–" You couldn't form a sentence even if your life counted on it. Gradually, you could feel your orgasm building up and Armin sensed it, picking up the pace. His fingers thrusted harder and you arched your back, the intensity too much for you. "Armin, please! I wanna come with your cock in me!" The begging didn't stop him, he was determined to make you finish then and there. And he did — within seconds you melted under his touch, legs trembling with pleasure. Armin pulled back, his mouth messy with saliva mixed with your juices.

"You come when I want you to come." His voice was low, almost like a growl. He unbuttoned his jeans, and you watched him like a hawk, waiting to see just how big his was, and you were not disappointed.

"Please please please let me suck it, please!" You begged him, eager to taste him. He smirked and kissed you, all the while rubbing his cock.

"You want this?" Armin quirked a brow at you. The little shit, jacking off in front of you and you couldn't even do anything about it.

"Armin..."

"Say it. Say you want it."

"Armin!"

"Say it, Y/N." He groaned, precum leaking from his member. Fuck.

"I... I want it..." You eventually gave up.

"Good girl." The blond climbed back on top of you. He raised your hips and you placed your legs on his shoulder, his first thrust slow and deep. Armin couldn't help the moan escaping his lips — this was so much better than that shitty fleshlight and countless porn videos. You couldn't deny the fact that it hurt, despite your soaking cunt, but you quickly adjusted to his size. As Armin pounded you, the bed underneath the two of you started moving and screeching, and the ropes tied to the metal bedframe loosened and you felt your arms fall onto the pillows. In his frenzy, the blond didn't notice, so you took this opportunity to lower your legs and wrap them around his waist, one hand grabbing his soft locks, the other wrapping around his neck. You used his weight against him and turned him over. You were in control.

Armin was taken aback by this, but the feeling of your fingers squeezing his throat only turned him on more. You bounced up and down, throwing your head back and groaning. He gripped your hips tightly, thrusting his own hips against yours.

"F-fuck me harder, Y/N!" He begged and you sped up. You felt like a queen — no, a goddess — when he asked you to fuck him, the feeling of him inside of you so addictive. He was your drug, and your rehab, your poison, and your antidote. And you were his and his only. His cock was twitching in your cunt and knew he was close but you didn't want to risk it. Swiftly, you got off of him and wrapped your lips around his dick, bobbing your head up and down. It didn't take long for him to finish, hot liquid shooting down your throat with one final grunt. You swallowed it all and threw yourself next to him. It was breaking dawn already, but you weren't tired. Physically, yes, both of you were exhausted, but mentally it felt like you discovered a hidden gem.

"What the fuck did we just do?" Armin calmly caressed your hair as you nuzzled his neck.

"Are we talking about the obsessively stalking each other part or the part where you hit me in the head? Or the fucking?"

"The everything." He explained. "This is wrong."

"Did it feel wrong?" You asked him, your fingers idly tracing circles over his chest.

"Well, no..."

"Then it's not wrong." You shrugged. "Am... am I yours?"

"Yes." The blond instantly replied without a trace of hesitation in his voice. "Am I?"

"You've been mine the moment you set foot in that shitty coffee shop." You laughed.

"And what are we going to tell the others?"

"That we ended up talking all night and I stayed over?"

"Sounds like a plan." Armin kissed your forehead.

"By the way, I really don't like Pearl Jam." You admitted.

He laughed and it filled your heart with warmth. You have no idea why you and Armin were like that, or how things would be from now on, but you had a good feeling about it. Things were okay. You two were okay.

[geekgirles]

Mirrors

Considering Lies premieres tomorrow, I thought it would be best to upload this now.

And here is part 2 of my analysis on Kagami acting as a reflection of both Marinette and Adrien. This time I’ll be discussing how Kagami is a foil to Marinette and vice versa.

Part 1

Marinette & Kagami

It’s undeniable that these two have as many similarities as they do differences. In a way, they are both as alike as peas in a pod, as they are opposites from each other. And no, the irony of this duality is not lost on me.

Just like Kagami needs to be similar to Adrien for him to bond with her, she also needed to be similar to Ladybug, and by extension Marinette, for him to develop an interest in her. 

Both of them are strong, confident, capable, and independent girls who will not hesitate to jump into action if the situation calls for it. Both are also kind and loving, and they care greatly for their friends and loved ones. And have many physical similarities as well. Both are of Asian descent, their hair as it’s pictured in the show is very similar, both have pale skin and freckles, the colour red is very present in both their colour palettes (the difference being that red and black are present in Kagami and Ryuuko’s colour palettes, while in Marinette’s case it’s only there as Ladybug)...

Come on, don’t pretend you don’t remember that theory about Adrien thinking Kagami was Ladybug when the trailer for Riposte first came out.

But just as they have many things in common, they are also incredibly different on their approach to certain things. So different, in fact, that one’s weaknesses become the other’s strengths.

Insecurity: 

Now, what really tells Marinette and Kagami apart is their confidence as civilians. 

If we compare their “introductory” episodes, there is a clear contrast between the two. 

For this we’ll be counting Origins as Marinette’s debut. When the episode starts, Marinette’s demeanour is a stark contrast to the optimistic personality we’ve grown used to. From the moment her alarm woke her up to Sabine’s words of encouragement, Marinette was already defeated. Having spent four years in a row as Chloé’s punching bag had really taken its toll on her, and she believed that year would be no different. 

Unlike the Marinette we were familiar with up until that point, who, not only confronted Chloé on a regular basis, but was also brave enough to sass her, the moment she made it clear she wanted the seats behind Nino, Marinette just went along with it and took what now are Chloé and Sabrina’s current seats. And she didn’t get any more confident until Alya spoke up and befriended her. 

At the same time, in both parts of the episode, it wasn’t until things were dire that Marinette got a grip of herself and accepted that she was Ladybug and it was her duty to protect everyone. And yet, she still needed Chat Noir’s support to finally become the superhero she is today. 

Kagami, by contrast, showed a great level of confidence in Riposte. The only time she looked insecure was before getting akumatised, when we got a glimpse of her lonely life and the high expectations that were set on her. But other than that, she arrived at M. Argencourt’s class and immediately asked to face off against his best student. 

Kagami was well aware of her worth and talent as a fencer and was not going to settle for anything less than the proper chance to show off her skills. 

During her match with Adrien her strikes were fast and precise, her focus, unwavering, and her movements fluid but intense. So when the match came to an end she was anxious to see she had proven herself as the superior fencer, for she spent her whole life honing her skills to prove just that.

Kagami takes great pride in her skills and who she is as a person. So it is to be expected that an exaggeration of that pride would be apparent as Riposte, where they turned into arrogance and a sense of superiority. 

Of course, another crucial aspect reflects on the relationship each has with Adrien. 

As Kagami herself pointed out in Frozer, Marinette is incredibly insecure when it comes to Adrien. Because her crush usually manifests itself in her getting tongue-tied, bouts of clumsiness, and embarrassing herself in front of him, she is very reluctant to be honest about her feelings for him. Because all that only gives her more reasons to worry and fear she’ll be rejected. 

There’s also the fact that they don’t get to spend much time together. Marinette’s anxiety in Backwarder was fuelled by the fact that Kagami would get to spend a lot of time alone with Adrien in a memorable setting. Add to that all the fencing lessons Marinette knows they’ve had together, and the date she had no choice to witness, and it all becomes very painful to her. 

In other words, Marinette knows that, logically speaking, Kagami has more chances to get together with Adrien than she does, which only makes it harder for her to admit her own feelings.

By contrast, Kagami knows her worth. She knows she’s talented, she shares lots of things with Adrien, they spend time together, and he even confided his insecurities in her. 

To her, being with Adrien just makes sense. Her whole life she’s been told to achieve her goals, no matter the obstacles; and her feelings for Adrien should be no different.

Recklessness: 

We’ve already mentioned Kagami is more reckless as Ryuuko than as a civilian when we compared her to Adrien. But it’s worth mentioning that the situation inverts itself when compared to Marinette. 

One of Marinette’s biggest flaws is her impulsivity. Being impulsive has led her to some terrible consequences, but while that trait sometimes transfers itself to her role as Ladybug (Bubbler, Volpina), most of the time Marinette’s civilian self is the one rushing into things, as opposed to Ladybug, who’s a master at strategising. 

I wholeheartedly believe that’s the writers’ way of “balancing things out.” Adrien, as himself, doesn’t make mistakes often. Furthermore, the few times he’s been the cause of someone’s akumatisation, he was never directly responsible for it. Some other factor played a role: like his fans getting in the way of Gorilla when he was looking for him, the fact that the decision of his match with Kagami fell upon Marinette, who had never before practiced the sport; his father’s need to cover his tracks… 

His biggest mistakes he makes as Chat Noir. Why? Because he doesn’t have to be the golden child, so he doesn’t have to be as cautious with his actions. To put it simply, Kagami’s the same. 

Meanwhile, Marinette is painfully aware of the heavy burden she carries on her shoulders as Ladybug. Her very first mission went wrong because she made a mistake and didn’t purify the akuma! So she’s learned to be focused and to take her job seriously. Because when she does make a mistake as Ladybug, it hits her hard.

Just compare her usual demeanour to how she acted as Lady Noire! It’s the first time that I can think of that she was genuinely having fun while saving the day! She said so herself: “It’s a lot easier on the shoulders.”

As Marinette, however, that’s usually when she gets to make mistakes. Since her parents aren’t controlling and she’s lived a normal life until the day she helped Master Fu out, her civilian self is usually when she can afford to be herself, make mistakes, and just be a normal girl. 

Her secret identity is where her freedom is. At least until she became the new guardian...

I know I haven’t talked a lot about Kagami, but that is because with the parallels between Adrien and Marinette it’s pretty much explained. 

Moving on: 

As I mentioned when I elaborated on this same aspect with Adrien and Kagami, Marinette has less trouble moving on from him than Kagami. 

I know this might seem a bit contradictory with the way she suffered over her unrequited crush on Adrien in the season 3 finale and the New York special, and it’s true. Marinette is hurting immensely over her feelings for Adrien. But she actually has less trouble than Kagami because she has at least tried to move on!

Among the several factors that set Marinette apart from Adrien’s other suitors (beside the fact that she is the girl he’s in love with or that Chloé and Lila are actually antagonists) a crucial one is that Marinette always puts Adrien before herself. And if that means letting him go, so be it. 

Every time Adrien himself expresses a desire to be with somebody in front of Marinette she immediately tries to comply with his wishes and help him be with that other person, not once confessing how much that hurts her. She probably doesn’t say anything either because she doesn’t want Adrien to worry about her when he should be focusing on that other girl. 

Deep down, both Marinette and Kagami try to do what’s best for Adrien. 

But while Marinette thinks the best she can do is step aside and let him go (not knowing the best she could do is be honest with her feelings for him because that’s the only thing that’s keeping Adrien from realising his own feelings for her), Kagami believes she is what’s best for Adrien. 

And because she believes they are meant to be, she keeps pushing and pursuing him even when it’s obvious they’re not on the same page. Adrien is comfortable around her on a platonic level, but the moment they try to go for the romantic route, he hesitates. Because deep down he knows he doesn’t care about Kagami the same way she cares about him, but he keeps trying to move on from Ladybug instead of being honest with himself and Kagami. 

Just like Kagami prefers to wait until he feels the same way about her before acknowledging that might never happen and letting him go. 

Which could play an important role in Lies...

That is the difference between Marinette and Kagami. While Marinette pulls herself away from Adrien, Kagami pushes forward.

Connection with Adrien:

This is where Kagami truly has the advantage over Marinette. She gets to share many more things with Adrien than her. 

Besides their very similar backgrounds, their own parents’ partnership allows for many instances where it can be just the two of them. Adrien is the only friend Tomoe fully approves of, while Gabriel only really encourages his son’s friendship with Kagami over his other friends because that will strengthen whatever deal he’s got going on with Tomoe. 

And so, Adrien and Kagami are together in fencing, they go to London together, they spend their time together at the premiere of Ladybug and Chat Noir’s movie, they get to sneak out together and have fun!

Marinette, on the other hand… she doesn’t get to do any of that with Adrien. 

She only ever spends some time alone with him either because it’s an extracurricular activity (the gaming tournament, their fencing session in Riposte) or because they happen to stumble upon each other (Gorizilla). 

It was precisely that that got Marinette so down in Glaciator. Seeing how she was the only one that was alone when they were all supposed to do one of Paris’ most romantic activities together reminded her of just how far away from her Adrien actually is. And it’s precisely his unavailability that leads her to find some solace in Luka, who unlike Adrien is always there for her, because he can be there for her!

The amount of time they spend together has brought Kagami and Adrien close, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Marinette.

Having said that, things are much more different when we analyse the way Adrien acts around the two…

Adrien’s relationship with them:

Despite Adrien’s similarities to Kagami and the many chances he has to be with her, it’s actually Marinette who’s higher up in his priority list and whom he’s more comfortable with.

Adrien cares for Kagami and is clearly doing his best to try to have a good relationship with her, but for better or worse it’s Marinette who always comes first. 

The best example of this would be Frozer. 

Adrien was trying his hardest to have a good date with Kagami and give her his full attention, and yet, the moment he saw Marinette fall or get out of the ice rink looking dejected, he immediately went to check on her. He ditched his date twice for Marinette’s sake. 

Not only that, but there’s also his reaction to any of them getting hurt because of Lila. It was Lila hurting Marinette that pushed him over the edge enough to threaten to cut ties with her unless she undid what she’d done and get Marinette to come back to school.

Adrien was absolutely furious at Lila for hurting Marinette.

Look how devastated he is on her behalf!

You might say it had to do with Adrien having warned her already in Oni-Chan. Which, true, was partly for Kagami’s sake since Lila’s lies had harmed her to the point of akumatisation. But there is a difference:

Even when Oni-Chan went to Adrien, he still believed Lila only wanted attention. It wasn’t until Ladybug almost got killed that he realised just how ruthless and monstrous Lila truly is. Not only that, but Adrien never mentioned Kagami being akumatised as a reason to keep his distance from Lila, he only said she had gotten Nathalie and Gorilla in trouble.

As true as that is, it’s not like Adrien couldn’t have brought Oni-Chan up. Sure, the true reason for him losing hope in Lila changing for the better was her trying to get rid of Ladybug even when they were trying to save her; it makes sense he wouldn’t bring that up. But Kagami? We’re talking about Miraculous Ladybug’s Paris. Where people get turned into superpowered villains every single day! It’s not like it wouldn’t have made sense if he’d said “Because of you, Kagami got akumatised.” And yet, despite trying to comfort Kagami after the whole ordeal, her akumatisation actually had very little to do with Adrien’s warning to Lila.

But when she went after Marinette… Oh, boy! Did the tables turn!

Ladybug didn’t even have to be involved for Adrien to go “I’m about to ruin this girl’s whole career” on Lila! Adrien was ballistic because it was Marinette Lila was messing with, and he wasn’t having any of it.

That says a lot about who Adrien is closer to.

As I mentioned above, his bond with Kagami allows him to rebel against his father and his expectations on him a little, something he doesn’t do as freely with Marinette. Because if the two are together while Adrien runs away from Gabriel is usually a coincidence; with Kagami it’s all on purpose. 

And yet, Marinette is the one Adrien feels more comfortable with.

Aside from Ladybug (oh, sweet irony), Marinette is the character Adrien has opened up to the most. In Gamer he showed her a glimpse of his most insecure side, in Glaciator (as Chat Noir, sure, but it still counts) he confessed his feelings for Ladybug to her, in Gorizilla he talked about his mother to her, in Frozer he asked her for help regarding Kagami, and in the New York special it was her who he thought could work a miracle and get him to stay.

And don’t get me started on Adrien’s love language. 

As of The Puppeteer 2 and Oblivio it’s been established that while Marinette shows her love through actions (usually handmade gifts), Adrien shows his by being open about what he feels. But he doesn’t just talk about how he feels, he touches people to show just that. 

If Adrien’s close to you, he’ll show physical affection.

And we all know who he’s more touchy-feely than any other character in the show.

Adrien is constantly looking for Marinette’s touch, while Kagami is usually the one to initiate physical contact.

Adrien might be able to do things with Kagami he can’t do with anybody else, but Marinette is the one he’s closest to. 

Zodiac signs:

I already did an analysis on this back in the day, but I think what I discovered from it it’s important to point out since it’ll help understand and summarise the way Marinette and Kagami’s characters reflect each other’s better.

In the French dub of Ikari Gozen, instead of the Chinese Zodiac, they talked about their Western horoscope. Marinette said she was Leo and Kagami was Scorpio. Those signs are opposites. Leo is a fire sign while Scorpio is a water sign. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t compatible at all…

(Although, considering Leo is self-reliant, confident, has bravado, and is honest, while Scorpio relies more on strategies and wits, I’d say they got their signs mixed up a little).

Their compatibility per se is low, but there is a great attraction between the two, albeit hindered by their usual clashing. This is shown through the many things the two have in common, but since they used to assess the other without truly getting to know her and their own feelings for Adrien, there was a lot of friction between Kagami and Marinette. 

Both signs are jealous. However, while Leo is jealous due to pride, Scorpio’s jealousy comes from a desire to control. Both Kagami and Marinette have displayed jealousy issues. In Marinette’s case, it could be argued she felt jealous towards Chloé, Lila, and Kagami because she didn’t think they were actually good enough for Adrien or better than her. I mean, Chloé is an egotistical, sell-centred bully and as of Miracle Queen, a traitor. Lila is an unrepentant liar, a manipulator, and an enemy to Paris (even if only Ladybug and Chat Noir are aware of it, to some extent). And before she got to know Kagami, Marinette thought she was cold and rude (her brutally honest responses can be seen as this). 

Based on that, there’s no way any of them are better for Adrien than she is!

On the contrary, once she got to know Kagami her jealousy comes from the fact that, perhaps, Kagami is more suitable to be his girlfriend than she is. 

Kagami, on the other hand, could have displayed jealous behaviour over Adrien because, as her only friend, she felt threatened by him having a life and friends outside of her, who (until Ikari Gozen) only has her family, her responsibilities, and him.

Basically, these two being Leo and Scorpio explains their relationship pretty well. They have enough things in common and enough differences to attract each other and have a good friendship, but at the same time that can also stirr issues between the two. 

Final thoughts:

Despite Adrien and Kagami’s similarities, they still have many issues to solve before they can truly be sure if they want to be in a relationship or remain friends. Kagami is sure of what she wants, but that sometimes can clash with Adrien’s own feelings, making their relationship go through a rocky path. Adrien is making an effort to move on and be a good boyfriend to Kagami, but they are not in the same place in the relationship; Kagami is ready for more, while Adrien still has problems of his own to move on from.

This might come to a head in Lies. Truth came as a bit of a surprise to us because we actually expected Lukanette would break up because of Marinette’s feelings for Adrien, but that actually had very little to do with anything! Lukanette ended up breaking up because Marinette is very literally carrying the weight of the world over her shoulders. Her responsibilities as Ladybug are overlapping with, and eventually destroying, her civilian life. Lukanette broke up because of external reasons!

But if Adrigami were to break up in Lies, that would be, or at least should be, for internal reasons. Since Chat Noir wasn’t chosen as guardian of the miraculous, his responsibilities as a hero don’t tie him down nearly as much as they do Marinette (in the previous analysis we already discussed how they actually give him freedom), so it wouldn’t make sense if Kagami and him broke up because of it. 

It could have something to do with it, but I can actually picture Kagami pointing out Adrien is not as invested in the relationship as she is better. Maybe she could even point out his feelings for Marinette, which she had suspected of since Riposte. But having Adrien realise that in the second episode would be a tad soon, so I’m not getting my hopes up. 

The thing is, if Adrigami breaks up tomorrow, it would make sense if it actually were because of Adrien being more in love with Ladybug (Marinette) than with Kagami. Because the narrative has actually been pointing at something like that happening.

As for Marinette and Kagami, I just hope they remain good friends even after Adrigami breaks up. Because the two would be able to understand each other’s feelings better. As much as the girls want to help Marinette out, none of them really know how being in love with Adrien is really like. They don’t know what it is like to get their hopes up, thinking they’ll get to be alone with him, only for him to cancel or make some change in the plans. Kagami and Marinette do. 

More importantly, the way each feels regarding where they stand in their relationship with him foils the other’s and ultimately all depends on Adrien.

Marinette sabotages herself by not being honest with her feelings and hesitating, but it’s Adrien who seeks to get closer to her. Kagami is sure of herself and her feelings, but it’s Adrien’s hesitation that hinders the development of their relationship. 

Because those two misjudged Adrien and warmed up to him when he showed himself as an honest, caring boy. Kagami and Marinette fell in love with Adrien for his honesty and his good heart, when he literally tended a peace offering to them. And it’s precisely like that how they came to be friends.

And it would be a pity if they lost each other because of a boy.

@miraculouslycool & @flightfoot​

[gentrychild]

Suspected Traitor Izuku Ideas

Note: Sorry this ended up being super long! I just really love the idea and wanted to put in some ideas of what I think could happen. It was all too long to fit into a couple asks, and I figured you would prefer a submission than 7+ asks in a row. These are also just some fun ideas I was thinking of for the au I thought you might enjoy lol

- - - -

Izuku gets interrogated and at first goes along with the questions. He doesn’t realize why he is there at first, until they ask more and more questions showing they suspect him for something. After the second or third question about his relation to the LOV he pieces it together. They think he’s a villain.

And instead of having a confused smile or nervous laugh, his eyes widen and he whispers “you think I’m the traitor.” It wasn’t hard for him to figure it out, after all he spent so much time analyzing and trying to deduct things quickly from situations where he barely was given any information, and they practically threw the answer in his face. He was probably one of the few students who was fully aware that there was a traitor from looking at the previous attacks.

He starts to shut down after realizing this, and when people start yelling or slamming things out of anger (because no one was actually going to get physical, but that doesn’t mean the rest of the room was off limits) he unconsciously reverts back to his old habits from when he was quirkless.

This can include, but is not limited to:

- A smaller frame to protect vitals and give less room to be hit

- A quite and passive voice to try appeasing their anger

- Distracting himself from the emotional pain by focusing on the physical stuff. Mentally keeping track over where everyone is, what they are doing, and how much of a threat they are to him

- Looking for any and all possible exits, even the ones that would result in him being hurt on his way out, just in case things get worse (and he fears that they may hurt him worse than before. In a world full of quirks, it’s easy for someone worked up to forget how easily they can kill someone, and Izuku probably has experienced more than once a situation that became life or death because a middle schooler was too worked up to process how much damage they were about to do)

- Eyes downcast due to fearing that eye contact would seem like he’s defying them or trying to irritate them in purpose (thanks Bakugou for that one)

- Holding back sudden movements or flinching, when going to the point of possibly hurting himself on purpose to prevent him from acting out.

- Holding his breath every time someone moves, but forcing his body to relax/tense up in case they attack him. When your body tenses up, it can absorb him impact, but can also cause other things like knives or needles to hurt more when they cut/go through the skin. So when there is someone who has a weapon visible (probably a means of intimidation) he quickly figures out which way will hurt less and forces himself to go through with that because of the constant thought of ‘just in case’

- Forcing himself not to cry or break down. That’s what some bullies want, but sometimes it also makes them even more upset. It gives them fuel, and always ends bad for the victim.

The teachers and others accusing him of being the traitor takes these signs as him lying or trying to hide the truth, those who don’t think it’s because he’s lying see the 'experience with interrogations’ aka trauma reactions and think he was trained by the villains to act this way. No one thinks about the fact that some of the reactions are clearly not helpful with interrogations and that the villains would train him to do the opposite (ex: stay calm and keep eye contact. You don’t have anything to hide and looking away makes it seem like you do).

The only two people who know his past refuse to acknowledge or bring it up.

All might doesn’t because he can’t risk the consequences of OFA getting out, but also because he only has a vague idea because of when he was shoeless himself.

Bakugou refuses to acknowledge the signs and the relapsing to his habits from middle school.

No one else realizes the cause, and as a result they accidentally reopen the trauma that Izuku hadn’t healed from. No, he had taken it and stuffed it into a box to avoid acknowledging that he was hurt. So he never talked to anyone about it, and as a result it just festered in his mind. His intrusive thoughts from all the victim-blaming he went through never went away (because let’s be honest, gaslighting and victim-blaming are things he probably went through as a result of the bullying. He couldn’t help being quirkless, but the bullies will latch onto anything and everything they can. And because they wanted to prevent themselves from having anything marked, if they made him think it was his fault then they felt it lowered the chances of them being reported)

During the pause of interrogation when they are having Tsukachi enter and he’s about to come in, he almost send himself into a dissociative/depressive episode because of his thoughts. He forces it back when the doors click open, thinking 'no, it’s just like before. No matter how much it hurts, wait until you’re safe. You’re not safe here, they will use it against you, so you have to wait until you’re alone and safe to finally break down.’

As a result, none of the adults fully realize how broken he is after the trap/interrogation is over. But its only a glimpse that they see, and nothing more. Because Izuku’s learned that weakness = vulnerable = targeted and hurt.

And now that he knows almost all his friends- no, his classmates were involved he knows he can’t break down anywhere near them. He can’t go over and let them know how broken he is or he thinks they’ll turn against him even more.

Someone brings up the 'logical’ aespect of the interrogation and their suspicions before he leaves and Izuku’s thoughts use that and forces it against him. 'It was only logical. Everyone was convinced you were going to hurt them, that you were evil. Of course they had to do it.’ He repeats it like a mantra in his head. 'It’s only logical, they did what they had to, and it’s almost over. You’re almost done, it was just the logical thing to do.’

And why is it this that he repeats this, instead of being angry or upset?

The victim-blaming.

His own intrusive thoughts were fuelled by the victim-blaming, and because it was what hurt the most, it was also what he was most accustomed to.

But when he finally gets back to the dorms, to the 'safety’ of his room, he knows he can’t break down. Not yet. After all, if they went through all that trouble because they thought he was the traitor, who’s to say they didn’t do more? His resurfaced paranoia/anxiety from the trauma makes him search his room for hidden cameras and microphones, desperate for at least one safe-space.

He finds nothing, thank god, but then he keeps pushing back his breakdown in search of exits, ways to avoid the most dangerous people or most likely to turn on him, ways to get by unseen and to avoid any situations that would be like Middle school. He stays up making notes and maps of the school and how to best protect himself because 'You’re already used to this. Shouldn’t have expected anything different. Stupid, idiotic, Deku. You put off finding the saferoutes because you thought it would be better to try playing nice. Look where that got you, now you have to stay up and make up the months of ignoring the inevitable.’

He doesn’t sleep that night, and when it becomes time for class he still hadn’t given himself time to break down. So he returns, but doesn’t pretend to be friends with any of his classmates anymore. He uses the ways he maps, brings out old tactics, just with the hope of making it through the day without being hurt or breaking down.

Lunch comes, but he doesn’t eat. He goes to the roof, finds an elevated area with no cameras and where people are unlikely to see him and sits down. It takes a moment, just a mere second of sitting there alone before he breaks.

He cries and let’s his regret and anger wash over him. All the feelings he had been pushing back finally breaking free and coming loose. He doesn’t eat, he never got the time, and right as he is starting to realize how badly hurt he really is, the bell rings signalling he needed to get to class. So he forces himself up, pushed all his emotions away, and tries to clean himself up in the bathroom.

He ends up in a dissociative state the rest of the way back to class, and when the others ask why he’s acting different or 'weird’, he doesn’t respond. He barely registers anything the rest of the day and when teachers try calling on him, hoping for some kind of reaction, they get nothing. He doesn’t process that he’s being talked to and just sits there dissociating in a desperate attempt of forcing himself not to break down again.

When classes end, the others try talking to him but eventually give up. He slowly realizes after everyone left that he was alone and he picks up his stuff and walks to the dorms on autopilot. He gets to his room and shut the door, and finally let’s himself finish the breakdown from on the roof. This time, though, he finally lets himself cry over everything. The entire past of abuse and neglect from his peers and adult figures in his life (minus his mom), the suicide-baiting, the victim-blaming, the bullying, accusations and mistrust, all of it. And he finally fully, truly breaks.

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