#and boy that ending of episode 3 and all the casual touching just drives me insane

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Sonine Prime ... Part 4

Hi, everyone and welcome back to Sonine Prime! The part of the show when I come out and talk about Sonine (and a bit of Sontails) in Sonic Prime!

Last time we managed to just start Episode 3 of Sonic Prime, so let's get to rollin!

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(Essay/thoughts/analysis under the cut)

<< Part 3 | Part 5 >>

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Okay, so because I can't leave the small stuff alone for the life of me, I bid you all to watch the scene in Episode 3 after Nine saves Sonic from Rusty Rose. For your viewing pleasure, I have slowed this clip down so you all can see Nine's sneaky smile that slips through as he shows off to Sonic.

Couldda just saved Sonic and been done with it OR gone straight to the grumpy "I saved your butt. Your welcome", but instead he just had to show off and do a lil smile in front of the hedgehog you barely know. Okay.

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Next, introductions!

Or so Sonic attempts.

So far, since their battle, Sonic has been really good at calling Nine by his name. He's still hung up on the theory that Robotnik messed up Green Hill and all his friends lost memory of him, so his wish to fall back into "the norm" as quickly as possible comes to head again after the group hug he forces Rebel, Renegade, Nine, and Rusty Rose into.

In this case, Sonic (again, believing everyone just doesn't remember who they are), introduces Nine as the "trusty but benign Tails", which (understandably so) leads to Nine uh...reminding him otherwise

"Nine! It's Nine. The emphasis is on the Nine!"

Of course, combined with the group hug, the crew is none too happy with Sonic after "introductions", but I didn't so much bring this scene up for that so much as...well. Way to add another moment to the roster that Nine will be referencing in the future when he believes you don't care about him as Nine, Sonic! (sarcastic)

(And yes, I'm aware that Sonic couldn't have forseen this. Just logging the moment for the breakup for later)

Sidenote: It’s almost hilarious/embarrassing how Nine's still going to attach to Sonic as hard as he does later, even with all the points he keeps losing referring to him/others by the wrong names or as "messed up you guys"

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Okay, moving on.

I'm...obsessed with the part of the Deep vs the crew fight scene where Nine attempts to save Sonic, ends up functioning as a diversion leading Deep away from Sonic (after shooting an eggforcer) and snatched, then Sonic quickly jumps to punch the eggforcers that have Nine to save him, and then finally, after getting some good hits in on Dr. Dreep Sonic says "thanks for the save!" with a wink.

"High five!"

"High...five?"

Again, a small thing I know, I know

It's just another one of those things that gives me second hand embarrassment. He just learned what a high five is, and is casually touched by this hedgehog he still barely knows, and he looks, what? Touched? After it throws him off he like, files it away in his brain for later.

What? You wanna high five him again, fox boy?

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Ajnansj I didn't really mention this last part, but I don't think we talk enough about how excited Nine got when he thought Sonic implied that the two of them used to kick the Chaos Council's butts on the regular (back in Episode 1). Why am I bringing this up? Because if you watch the part of this scene where Sonic tells Renegade Knucks that he needs to learn how to spin dash, you can see Nine's little excited face as Sonic launches.

It's the little things, guys🥺

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Bit hard to get a good shot of, but Nine's smile when Sonic comes back after fighting Dr. Babble.

"Sonic! We didn't think you'd make it back!"

"...Are you okay?"

He's so glad that Sonic came back, but then quickly notices that Sonic isn't doing so hot (after his very real ptsd induced flashbacks) and is the only one to ask about it.

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Ahshsjsj so uh I'm not really sure whether to label this as sad or hilarious. This is mostly because from Sonic's end, he's trying not to break down. He's just had flashbacks to how he felt when he thought his friends were in danger within the mountain and is feeling like things are repeating again (and, for the record, he doesn't yet remember what happened to his friends), and now Mr. Dr. Eggman has taken Rebel, Renegade, and Rusty Rose right in front of him (while Sonic believes these are his original friends) and told Sonic "step away from the core or your friends are toast". He throws himself at the door to immediately try to pry it open.

And Nine just cuts in between Sonic and the door, puts his hands on Sonic's chest (😂), and tries to convince him to give up on his friends and go for the shard.

But that's not all.

While it's a very very small version of a specific phenomenon (which I may elaborate on at a later part), this moment is one where they each sort of project an idea of how the other should be and become confused/disappointed/sad when the other's actions don't line up.

I'll put it into perspective.

For Sonic, he projects this idea onto Nine of a person who would prioritize saving people, caring for others, even though he also considers Nine as "a little rough around the edges". So, in this case, when Nine runs to the prism shard after trying to convince him to leave his friends, Sonic looks almost...sad, and then looks to the door, silent in making his choice.

And then as for Nine, I think he was at least partly drawn to Sonic due to his care for the innocent and his willingness to put himself in danger for others. He'd once said "No one has friends here" and yet he was surprised by the existence of a hedgehog who'd care for and save people, even if he had to put his life on the line to do so (the kind of person he'd never met as a kid, but who may have protected him if he had met him). He likes that Sonic cares about him and his well-being, but he also finds himself disappointed or annoyed if Sonic displays these traits towards others. He came to like him because of his caring nature, and yet as Sonic must live up to it, Sonic must also be focused on Nine's goals.

This is all to say, that Sonic likes Nine as he thinks he is, and yet has a hard time handling when Nine places goals/missions over the well-being of others, and Nine likes Sonic as he thinks he is, yet has a hard time handling when Sonic places others over the goals/missions he thinks they share.

But as I said, I'll likely elaborate more at a later point. After all, this phenomenon will come back when the audience is introduced to the Grim.

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And so, our duo finally reaches the red shard!

But, as Sonic witnesses it, flashbacks/clips of the events leading up to the shattering play out onscreen. Strangely enough, only one other voice aside from Sonic's can be heard in the background.

Tails'

"We don't know what the prism is capable of."

...

"Be careful!"

Then, just after Sonic says "I remember now", remembering what happened to his friends and that he shattered the prism:

"Sonic!"

Even though Sonic remembers that all his friends had tried to warn him before he'd shattered the prism, the group "Sonic nooo!" is absent in audio. It's only Tails' voice that ever joins Sonic's during these flashbacks.

Interesting, isn't it?

Anyways, as Sonic grapples with this new knowledge, Nine focuses on the fact that there are more shards out there. Frustrated, Nine tells Sonic that they need to grab the shard and go, then sort out everything else later.

"Right. I broke it, but we can fix this! If there's anyone who's got the brains to put it all back together, it's you."

"That's the first thing you've said that I agree with."

Agh the looks man the looks

Then, the two turn towards the prism shard, and after Sonic places his hand upon the prism, the two begin to panic as Sonic is sucked in.

Nine: Sonic? What's happening?

Sonic: Nine? Nine?!

Nine: Sonic! Sonic, where are you? Sonic! Sonic?

Nine: ...Sonic?

Sonic himself is fighting to stay, not understanding what's happening. Nine also panics. He looks like he's almost about to reach for him, but his hand falters before he turns around to look behind him (where Mr. Dr. Eggman is prying the doors open). Just as Nine turns back, Sonic is sucked into the prism and Nine reaches for him, calling his name, but his hand closes around nothing.

The end of Sonic Prime episode 3 is framed very interestingly. While later in the series we will see a sped up version of these events, with Nine taking the shard just after Sonic is sucked into it, the end of this episode is more prolongued. After Nine's hand closes around nothing and Sonic is gone, Nine continues to call his name. Then, as he pauses, the video shrinks until it fades into black. Nine says Sonic's name one last time, video gone, before the episode ends.

You'd almost say that this ending focuses on how alone Nine is, wouldn't you? He'd finally had someone, the one person who'd care for him, protect him in turn, believe in him, put his life on the line for him, and the one person he's grown to care for over this short amount of time. But then, he disappears.

And Nine is all alone again.

And how will Nine react when he's alone again? Go back to the way things were before? Forget about Sonic?

No, of course not. He does completely heterosexual things when he arrives in the perfect world to finally build his ideal home (sarcasm) by creating things for his new hedgehog friend whom he wants to spend his life with.

But in any case, the ending of this episode has always been a bit chilling to me. It's the only one I can remember that ends this way. And it, again, says so so much that Nine had reached so desperately for Sonic after Sonic got sucked into the prism, called for him, with the episode direction telling the audience that with Sonic gone, he's alone.

And so ends Episode 3 of Season 1, leading us to the beginning of Season 1 Episode 4: Unwelcome to the Jungle.

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As Sonic enters Boscage Maze for the first time, we receive an interesting parallel from Episode 1.

Episode 1: "Tails? Amy? ...Heck I'll even take Knuckles at this point."

Episdode 4: "Nine? Niiiine! Are ya out there buddy? Rebel? Heck, I'd even take Knucks at this point."

Also, I uh. It just kills the old man (me) a little thinking about how after Sonic got transported through the crystal, Sonic and Nine called for each other.

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As I've hit the photo limit once again, I'll see you all back in Part 5! There shouldn't be too many moments between now and episode 6, so I hope to move through most of the rest of s1 in the next part or two if I can. Thanks for reading!

[yellowcabdriver]

love language

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: Javier wants to love you the right way.

Genre: fluff, hurt/comfort

Warning: none

A/N: this was written in like 20 minutes before I went to sleep so sorry in advance for mistakes 🥲 Also, a kiss on a head for those who guesses Javier’s love language I tried to force in here 🥰🤣

“What form of love language do you prefer?”

You raised your head from the paperwork you had been filling out for what seems like an eternity.

“What?”

Elena shook some heavy-looking glossy magazine in her hand.

“There’s a test in here. Wanna find out?”

You went back to filing the report and shrugged your shoulders.

“How many love languages are there anyway?”

“Umm…” Elena quickly flipped through a few pages. “Five.”

Usually, you were not the one to indulge in magazines, especially not at work but… it had been a long day at the embassy. Very long. You spent the first part of the day typing out reports for Noonan, then you had to go to the archive and sew together some old documents in a badly lit backroom in the company of, you were sure of it, a ghost of someone who died in that backroom choking on an ungodly amount of dust. Your back was aching, high heels required by the dress code were straight up slaughtering your feet one step at a time. And also, you were bored out of your mind.

“Wow, okay.” You sighed and plopped down on a chair. “Sure, let’s see. I needed a break anyway.”

With a victorious shriek, Elena started reading out questions and marking the answers down on the pages with a pencil that desperately needed to be sharpened.

“Okay, you got…” her lips inaudibly moved as she was counting the results. “You got words of affirmation.”

“Oh, bullshit!” You threw your head back in sardonic laughter and stretched out your legs. “I don’t enjoy being complemented at all, I always get super uncomfortable!”

Elena shrugged her shoulders as she was erasing her pencil notes from the magazine.

“Maybe you do, somewhere deep down.”

“Nope, not a chance,” you snickered. “Your magazine is full of lies.”

“Hey!” Jokingly offended, Elena hugged the magazine to her chest. “It’s my only entertainment in this lifeless pile of paper!”

“What did you get then?” You asked, propping your cheek with your palm making you sound all muffled.

“Acts of service.”

“Well then, I’ll tell David to serve you up real nice.”

An enemy missile in the form of a crumpled piece of paper landed on your table.

“Oh screw you!”

“What’s the hustle?”

Elena and you immediately straightened up at the voice of a visitor who, upon further inspection, turned out to be your boyfriend, Javier.

“It’s just me, not Noonan,” he raised his palms slowly walking to your table as you two relaxed into your previous positions. Javier sat down at the edge of your table next to your chair and leaned down to kiss you on the forehead, this was his way of saying hello.

“Are you ready to go home?” He asked. Boy, were you ever.

“Of course, I am. So tired,” you complained suppressing a yawn. Javier smiled, soothingly stroking your hand.

“Let’s just go home, they don’t even pay us any overtime anyway,” Elena muttered, shooting a resentful stare at the piles of documents in front of her.

“By the way,” Javier turned to look at Elena. “David is downstairs, I think you’re gonna catch up.”

These words were enough for Elena to throw away her magazine, which honour she was just defending by violating a Geneva Convention of friendship, and bolt out of office without further ado. You and Javier looked at each other in amusement and burst into laughter at the same time.

“We should also go.”

“Yep, let’s go home.”

Nominally, “home” was Javier’s apartment, it was closer to the office and was overall much nicer than your place. Driving down the familiar street—the next turn after that yellow house, you were thinking, is home—Javier put his hand on your lap and asked you:

“Why were you arguing with Elena? Did she do something to you?”

“Oh, she did, she Inflicted the pain of knowing the content of a beauty magazine,” you half-heartedly complained, enjoying the warmth of Javier’s large hand on your thigh. Javier grinned at your remark.

“That harsh, huh?”

“We were just bored and decided to take a dumb test from the magazine.”

Javier chuckled as he quickly glanced at you, his yellow aviators catching a glimpse of the setting sun.

“About what?”

“Something about love language.”

“And what about it?”

“Well, found out that my love language is apparently words of affirmation.”

The car slowly stopped in the driveway as you reached Javier’s apartment building.

“Really?” He smiled at you, kissing the back of your hand. You almost melted at the gesture of his casual affection.

“Yes, who would’ve thought, right?”

Javier laughed again, exiting the car and jogging to your side to open the door for you. You jumped down and placed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth as a thank you.

“So it means you need to hear words of affirmation every day? Like your Cleo?” Javier asked, locking the car doors and turning slightly to look at you with a smile. You snorted. “Your Cleo” was a plant sitting comfortably on a windowsill of your office. She was a dying little thing until you saved her from being literally abused in the dark hallway of the embassy. Once you got her into a well-lit room and started watering her properly with actual water and not residue 3-in-1 coffee, Cleo turned into a stunning blooming beauty. You did talk to her, mostly paying her compliments—yes, weird, but you read somewhere that plants responded to positive affirmation. Javier, of course, didn’t believe any of that but for you, and he highlighted that specifically, he would greet Cleo every now and then when he entered your and Elena’s office.

“I am not like Cleo!” You huffed, making Javier smile as he hugged you by your waist and you two started walking towards his apartment. “But I believe everyone flourishes under kind words, don’t you think?”

Javier opened the door to his place and let you enter first.

“That’s a fair point, hermosa.”

The evening went by as it usually did: you two ate a dinner that Javier quickly put together—you maybe were a better cook but a slow one, for sure. Then you went to put Javier’s clothes into a washing machine, a dreadful loud thing that was tumbling around so hard you were afraid it would explode, while Javier washed the dishes. Finally, you two settled on the coach to watch some classic evening telenovelas because nothing relaxes a person more than an intricate plot of a tv show where somehow everyone ends up being everyone’s relative.

You were very engulfed in an episode—main character shot a man who turned out to be her biological father,—when Javier quietly asked:

“Am I saying enough compliments to you?”

“What?” You let out an involuntary laughter but as you turned to look at Javier, he didn’t seem to be joking.

“You said your preferred love language is words of affirmation and I’m… cariño, you know I’m not good with words,” Javier let out a bitter chuckle rubbing his temple—a nervous habit. “Am I showing you enough love?”

Oh.

Oh.

That you didn’t expect.

You turned the volume down and quickly climbed on Javi’s lap. He uncomfortably glanced up at the ceiling with a vulnerability you never saw him exude before. You could see something you would believe was more of your thing—an insecurity of being not enough.

“Javi, please, look at me,” you took his face in your hands and he immediately left a quick kiss on your palm, like a reflex.

God, that man was gonna be the death of you.

“Javi, my love, I never said anything about my preferences, it was just a dumb magazine. And besides, I don’t need to hear compliments, you know I can’t even take them well!” you said causing Javier knowingly to raise his eyebrows in agreement. Your left hand found its way to the back of his head and into his soft curls making Javier groan quietly.

“I love you so much and I love your ways of showing affection. I feel loved, if anything I feel adored.” You let your right index finger trace his aquiline nose and Javier closed his eyes at your tender touch. You began to press soft kisses all over his face.

“You love me so well, Javier Peña. You are so caring, so wonderful, so handsome, and sooooo sexy…” you exhaled as your kisses reached his jaw and you felt him smile. “I love you, Javi. So so much.”

Javier opened his eyes and pulled you in for a proper kiss.

“I love you, too, mi corazon,” his hands gently squeezing your thighs.

As this gesture pressed you closer, you felt the tightness in his jeans. Jokingly widening your eyes you glanced down, between your bodies, as Javier offered you a shy boyish grin.

“Ohh, but I see that someone else’s love language is definitely words of affirmation.”

Javier’s hands slid under your shirt and tightened around your waist as he began to leave open-mouthed kisses on your neck prompting you to let out a shamelessly loud moan.

“Oh yeah, I guess I forgot to mention that,” he softly said, nuzzling his nose into your neck. “I really love to hear your praise, mi amor.”

[maybeacrowdedmind]

So I Just Finished Skam...

First of all, I loved it. It was an incredible show and I'm so glad that there are so many remakes because I enjoyed it so much. One of my favorite things about the show was the fact that it feels extremely realistic, and I think a lot of that is due to the fact that a majority of the actors were actual teenagers (rather than actors who are obviously in their mid 20s and playing characters who are 16) and the fact that the characters behaved like actual teenagers (like using Facebook and Instagram, using "bad" language, dancing and singing along to music, etc. etc.). The other thing I adored about this show was the amount of importance that was placed on friendship. Platonic relationships in fiction are normally vastly underrated or underdeveloped in favor of romantic ones, so I appreciated that Skam showed so many friendships. So I decided to make a list of my favorite friendship moments from each season (two moments per season, with honorable mentions at the end before moving on).

Season 1:

1) Noora cheering up Eva by singing Justin Bieber to her:

I am not a fan of Justin Bieber at all (if you like him, all the more power to you, but I personally can't stand him), but Noora singing to Eva was such a great moment. She knew how sad Eva was, and decided to cheer her up by sharing something that made her (Noora) happy, and it was a really sweet moment between friends. It was also something that is realistic to do when someone you care about is down, and even though it was a small scene, it showed how strong a friendship Noora and Eva have.

2) All of the bonding moments between Sana, Vilde, Eva, Noora, and Chris:

I know this is a vague one, but just the sheer amount of time the girls spend together, whether they are doing something important or just hanging out was really awesome to see. Most of the time, tv shows don't take time to show us little moments like characters talking about boys or just sitting hanging out unless it has a more dramatc purpose. With Skam, we got to see those moments, which made the friendship between the girls that much more realistic.

Honorable Mentions for Season 1:

Eva grabbing the wrong Chris for Vilde, leading both Chris and Penetrator Chris (love that nearly everyone calls him that in the show by the way) to share a huge hug and go "name twins!" because that's totally something I'd do if I met someone who shared my name.

Eva and Ingrid finally talking about everything that happened, giving them both closure and the ability to move on, even if their friendship would never be the same (this was such a great scene because it showed Eva apologizing and telling Ingrid that she couldn't change what she did, but she would if she could, and it also allowed Ingrid to be hurt by what happened with Jonas, because let's face it, Ingrid was the injured party in that particular situation).

Season 2:

1) Noora telling Vilde all of the important things that the ingredients for tortilla do for you, and Vilde later doing the same for Noora:

I love how all of the girls take care of one another, but this scene in particular I loved a lot. Noora has noticed that Vilde hasn't been eating, and after hearing Vilde tell her all the reasons she doesn't like potatoes, Noora tells Vilde all the reasons she should. Noora also does so in a way that isn't shaming Vilde or being condescending to her, rather, Noora brings it up in a casual conversation. Later, Vilde notices Noora not eating, and prepares tortilla for her, quoting what Noora told her about potatoes and eating it with her. I loved this scene because it showed how much Noora and Vilde understood one another, as well as the importance of support.

2) The amount of support given to Noora by the girls after she discloses what happened with Nico:

This one is a total no-brainer. Noora had no idea what had happened that night, and had very little to go off of, and she spent the next few episodes terrified. When she tells the girls what she thinks might have happened, they all immediately stop what they're doing and rally around her. The no-dialogue scene in which they take Noora to the doctor and hold her and keep her safe was incredibly touching, and to be honest, nearly made me tear up.

Honorable Mentions for Season 2:

Sana and Chris playing a joke on the girls at the cabin during their break, because that whole episode was hilarious, and the individual ways each girl reacted was totally in character for each of them.

All of the girls telling Noora that they knew about her and William, because it was the most obvious thing in the world, and Noora being sheepish and surprised that she hadn't been hiding it as well as she thought.

Season 3:

1) Jonas, Magnus, and Mahdi telling Isak what to text Even:

This scene was so funny, and not the type I usually get to see when it comes to male friendships. I love that Isak tells them that he has no idea how to reply to Even, and Jonas tells him what he should say, with Magnus and Mahdi inserting their opinions and talking about how they text girls. It was enjoyable to watch because too many times fiction shows us that boys don't have the same relationship confusion that girls do, and it's often not true. I like that this scene allowed the boys to just be boys, because everybody deals with uncertainty, especially when it comes to liking someone.

2) Linn and Even playing video games together:

I know this scene is literally like two seconds and that we only see them ending from Isak's perspective, but hear me out. I'm pretty sure this is the first scene we see that shows Linn actively smiling and looking happy. Also, Even had just come off of a manic episode, was feeling depressed, and when we see him playing video games with Linn, he too looks actually happy, which is always great to see. Plus, the way Linn and Even are interacting with one another, it looks like they've known each other forever rather than two people who have just met, and even though it was a fraction of a scene, it was super great to watch.

Honorable Mentions for Season 3:

The entire development of Sana and Isak's friendship (I almost broke my "only two friendship moments" per season rule for this, but I decided to stick to my guns). Isak and Sana have a great friendship and I love how it came out of nowhere. Their friendship is literally started by being partnered together for school, which only happened because Sana sat by Isak to tell him that she had the weed he hid (a beautiful start to a beautiful friendship).

Isak coming out to Jonas by telling him that he liked someone and giving him the hint that it wasn't a girl, and Jonas reacting by thinking about the hint for a minute and then going "it's not me...is it?" because the expression Jonas had on his face while he thought about who it could be was funny because it looked like the fact that Isak had just come out to him wasn't even on his radar, because he was more concerned about guessing right, and the fact that he guessed himself was humorous to me.

Season 4:

1) Chris being a total ride-or-die friend to Sana after the stuff regarding the hate accounts for Sara and Vilde came out:

Everybody needs a friend like Chris. She is without a doubt one of the most loyal tv show characters I've seen and I wish Skam had run for more seasons so we could get a Chris season (and a Vilde season and an Even season, and a spin-off for Eskild and Linn, who both totally deserve one). Chris is the first person Sana told about the Sara account, and the first thing she did was tell Sana that the hate would blow over if Eva found out the truth (because Eva and everybody else thought Isak was responsible for it, and Eva was pissed AF at him). Chris also made sure that Sana knew that she didn't hate her for what happened, because everybody screwed up (seriously, we all need a friend like Chris).

2) The girls showing up to the bus meeting in their own tiny bus named "Los Losers" for Sana, effectively showing all of the Pepsi-Max girls (like Penetrator Chris, that will forever be their name) that if you mess with one of them, you mess with all of them. Sana was terrified that the girls would never forgive her, and when they all show up in the bus screaming her name, the joy on Sana's face is practically tangible. I love that they all pull Sana into the bus and give the Pepsi-Max girls the finger as they drive off, because really, what better way to show the true bonds of friendship than by collectively flipping off a ton of girls who messed with one of their own.

Honorable Mentions for Season 4:

Sana and Even's friendship, and the fact that she protected and respected his privacy when Isak asked her why she never said that she already knew Even, because too many times do I see characters give away information to other people that isn't theirs to give, and the fact that it didn't matter to Sana that Isak and Even were together, she was still going to make sure that Even had a right to the details of his personal life was extremely important.

The conversation between Sana and Jamilla about their schooling and Islam, because the texts we see between them prior to their falling out show that they were very close, and it was nice to see them talk and reconcile, because that's how life works sometimes. You fight and fall out with people, and after time passes, sometimes there is reconciliation.

[popculturebuffet]

Of Moons, Millionares and Mothers (DT17 Season 2 Retrospective): The Most Dangerous Game Night! (Paid for by WeirdKev27)

Welcome all you happy people! As some of you will recall I do a lot of duck based retrospectives on this blog: Ride of the Three Cablleros! which took a look at all the Cabs major American adventures, Shadow Into Light, my Weblena colored look at Lena Sabrewing’s journey from abused teenager to magical protector, and the Della arc which I dind’t give a cool name but covered since Shadow Into Light read right into it’s final chapter and ended up perfectly synching up with the final month of the series. And of course i’m still working my way through the life and times of Scrooge McDuck with a plan to finish the main story in September barring any delays, sickness that sorta thing.

So it shouldn’t be at all a shock that having covered all of season 3 when it came out and covered the two season 1 arcs i’d be taking a look at Season 2′s three story arcs. So I probably would’ve covered them anyway.. but Kev, one of my patreons and the guy who commissioned Shadow Into Light AND Ride of the Three Cablleros, had expressed interest in doing the Glomgold arc from season 2 as it centers around his favorite character, Zan Owlson. He also wanted to do Della’s arc in time for mothers day, and was all too happy to combine both, and politely agreed to my request to do the Louie arc as well. To help soften the blow, I also suggested since he’s a patreon of mine on patreon.com/popculturebuffet he use his second review (You get one guaranteed review a month with 5 and he’s a 10 dollar backer so he gets two, and he’s earmarked marked one for House of Mouse through the end of the year)  to help soften the blow a bit, which means some weeks i’ll be doubling up on this one. He agreed and it’s thanks to him that all of this happened so thanks bud. It’s also thanks to him I have money in the first place and I wouldn’t be here without him.

As for why I insisted on the Louie arc it wasn’t out of greed but out of pragmatism. I covered the Della arc purely on my own time, and gladly did so. But back then I also kept making the mistake of shoving retrospectives back again and again and again and that’s why there’s a rather nasty gap in my New X-Men retrospective I think severely harmed it , and a similar one for life and times which wounded it. I don’t mind taking smaller gaps of say a month when needed, but I learned from the experience I can’t just delay things constantly out of convince and expect it to work.

Not only that but the Lena and Della arcs only interact in the very last part. With these arc? While they don’t really touch at first and run parallel much like season 1′s arcs did, they start intersecting heavily as soon as Della gets back. Raiders of the Doomsday Vault! touches on both Della’s recent return and Glomgold’s bet with Scrooge, Happy Birthday Doofus Drake! has the A-Plot centered around Louie’s plot and the B-Plot centered around Della bonding with Huey as part of hers. And the final four is one one long, sustained arc, finishing up all three in the process. So yeah it was a package deal and as such this will be my third largest retrospective at 17 parts including the prologue. (As i’ll also be covering Della’s four issues in the IDW Comic released back in season 1). For the record my largest will be my Tom Lucitor Retrospective as 24 (in part due to doing the eclipsa arc for the same reasons as Dellas), and ride of the three cablleros at 20 is in a close second. This is going to be a long ride that will take most of summer, so buckle up, get your Louie Inc signs, Glomgold’ posters to jump through and black licorice gum ready and join me won’t you under the cut as we start this fantastic adventure together.

We open season 2 with all but one of our heroes proudly posing as they enter a temple. Scrooge even has his treasure of the lost lamp outfit on. Louie.. just looks tired and bored. One of the things I love about these reviews is that I haven’t watched most of the episodes since they first aired. Sure i’ve revisited some of my favorites like Dangerous Chemistry and the 87 Cent Solution,  but I haven’t really DONE a full died in wool episode by episode rewatch of the series. I’ve got SO MUCH I haven’t watched, haven’t rewatched and haven’t even started, that I really DON’T have the time for it outside of my job. So it is VERY nice to get a chance to do so once in a while with it.

As such knowing Louie’s real motive this episode it makes this scene hit diffrently. On first airing Ducktales was back after a short hiatus, our heroes are operating at full speed and daringly charting through a temple: Dewey and Webby have become tighter than ever and easily stop a pit trap and Scrooge and Huey easily solve an arrow puzzle. But while at first glance Louie is just fed up because as he puts it later “I’m just loveably lazy”, knowing he’s really just burnt out, scared he’s going to die or worse like he likely thinks his Mom did because he’s not good enough.. it’s really tearjerking. Here’s an 11 year old who at his core feels he doesn’t belong in his family and just wants a friggin break from the dangerous shit they do. It hits even harder as a fan of the venture bros but i’ll save that for later. Point is he’s telling Scrooge he’s burnt out.

So then this happens...

It really is almost the exact same joke, but diffrent enough since for one, Family Guy’s is driven by the refrenece (And god how I miss how their refrence humor used to have an actual purpose), where as here it’s to set up something else and hints for later: Louie having parsed how most adventures to at this point. While Scrooge is right in pointing out how every adventure is unique.. Louie’s not wrong that there is a small pattern to it: The Whoah! , The “Wait, What?” and the Aggggh!. Scrooge scoffs.. but Louie is proven correct as Dewey Whoas, a mechanisim trggers (Wait what?”) And everyone screams as they run from a giant wheel.

Back at home though it’s even more apparent poor Louie is miserable while his family is just jazzed. I can’t BLAME THEM, but I can’t blame him either for being, tired, worn out and just wanting ONE minute where they aren’t adventuering. There are some nice touches though as Scrooge runs off and finds a map in the idol: We see Duckworth removing the Scrooge as a Prospector painting based on Carl Bark’s painting of him from the foyer and instead replacing it with the painting of Scrooge, Donald and Della. It’s a nice little acknowledgment of how things have changed.. from Scrooge being alone and running from a painful past to having accepted it and gone back to being a family man. We also get Beakley just casually picking up Louie to vacum.

In the Triplet’s room.. which by the way why do they all share one room? In universe I mean, I mean is it saving on the power bill or does scrooge have the other rooms filled. Only four bedrooms are occupied: the boys, webby’s , Beakly’s (Which we never see but implicitly exists), and Scrooge’s himself. While the mansion isn’t LIMITLESS, it has to have more rooms than that. Is the rest just storage?

Out of universe though I do get why and i’ts why I let this concept of sharing a room when you have enough for everyone in the first place slide: it allows the boys to interact more easily outside of adventures by having all three in the same location. This episode is a good example of that as it kicks off Louie’s plan admirably: Louie is burnt out while Huey is excited.. and in another hint of Louie’s true gift he casually notices part of Dewey’s woodchuck uniform he was looking after is undone, simply making a quip about a sewing patch. He gets the idea for a scheme from there: to finally get his break by convincing Huey he’s slipping and exploiting his brother’s tendency for manic episodes.. which as someone with those I highly don’t approve and is far and away one of the more questionable things Louie’s done. And this is in an arc that includes him nearly wiping out all of existence.

Still it gets Huey on board but Scrooge and the wonder twins are a harder sell. Dewey and Webby are so jazzed on frinedship their even speaking in unions “This Needs to stop!” “I’ve tried but they really do enjoy harmonizing”

Louie insists the adventuring is driving them apart and making them less close.. and while Scrooge insits it brings them closer together  he ends up proving his point when Louie fakes not knowing which triplet is which.. and Scrooge GENUINELY struggles with which one’s Huey and Which ones Dewey. Dewey’s face is at the top of the page.. and utterly and completely priceless.

And while I thought it was the same impressive face from night on Kilmotor hill turns out, nerp their uniquely hilaroius

Same mood though. But I do love this callback: almost a YEAR later, and Scrooge STILL is like...

But while movie night and make your own pizza night, which i’m pleased as punch to find isn’t just something my family does, don’t do anything one thing does... GAME NIGHT. Cue a glorious minute of David Tennant goofily shouting Game Night to everyone in the mansion. Seriously getting him was one of the series masterstrokes. The man has only done a few roles in voicework but damn is he a natural. Not eveyrone can adapt to it this fast. While I love Walton Goggins, it clearly took him a few episodes of invincible to get really comfortable with it. It’s why I have such respect for Voice Actors in general: I’ts not an easy job, it takes a lot of skill, and it can be often thankless. It’s also why i’ve made a concentrated effort ot more know of them by voice simply because they’ve earned that much.

Anyways Beakly pops Louie’s bubble that htis is not going to be relaxing for a very obvious reason: Scrooge is relentless against his enmies and game night makes YOU the enemy. He quickly has them pair off into teams, taking Donald right off the bat.

We also get one of the best jokes in the entire series “If you loose your out of the will” “(Genuinely suprised) I was in the will?”

It’s almost entriely in Tony’s delivery there. The surprise is just perfectly delivered. It’s also oddly touching as despite a decade’s estrangement and Donald understandably thinking he wasn’t in it in anymore, Scrooge NEVER removed Donald from it . Sure he’s thretaning it over game night but he clearly takes this ungodly seriously. Duckworth leaves to go do ghost stuff.. which is code for make up a flimsy excuse to run the fuck away. To make matters worse she’s stuck with Launchpad as a partner. Louie is left with Huey and immieditly regrets sending his brother into a panicy spiral as he’s already set up a creepy scheduling board.

So i’m going to go ahead and cover the Webby and Dewey Plot, and the acompanying Donald and Scrooge antics now to save us some time. I’ll come back to it at the climax of Louie’s plot obviously and to the episodes credit the pacing is exceptional, weaving in and out of both plots , Louie struggling to keep the whole shrinking plot a secret and the rest of the families game night, excelently, it’s just with my brain i’ts harder to do that in a recap so...

Game Night: Crush Your Enmies and See Them Driven Before You Scrooge goes to the Conan of Sumeria/Melissa School of Game Nighting. Or in short...

Why HASN’T there been a Conan musical? So he and Donald dominate the first round, Charades, with Scrooge easily guessing almost EVERYHTING Donald mimes. As Webby puts it “When you’ve been around donald for 30 years you get good at non-verbal commuincation”. Granted they have a commuincation breakdown that results in this magic.

So Webby understandably assumes that given their best friends and Scrooge and Donald, while reconciled, hate each other, that they have an advantage. She is wrong. Not the first time: she also assumed she and Lena were just friends. It happens. you get a few wrong everyone does. Instead we get a great bit of Dewey utterly failing to guess it’s Scrooge despite Webby being obvious because Dewey’s brain is a riddle for the ages. 

Jenga dosen’t really go great for either so they go solo for SCROOGEPOLY. Because of COURSE Scrooge created monopoly in this version. I simletaniously love and hate how eveyr piece is a top hat. I love it because it’s a hilarously quick gag.. but also hate it because one of Monopoly’s biggest draws is having so many diffrent peices. I mean some like the sports car make sense but then you have a dog for some reason and an ironing board. I mean I love that dog, he’s a good boy but I don’t understand why he’s in this. If anyone knows the weird old timey reasoning for either of these let me know in the replies or my asks. 

This isn’t bad stuff mind, it’s just not really deep in stuff for me to make fun of. Apart from Donald ending up in jail... again. At least it’s not as bad as say goblin jail or that time he had to carve pinocchio’s nose into a shiv to surivive whale jail.

Louie: “How Long Before That’s Not Enough?”

Okay I kid, the subplot is good.. but that’s th epotatoes.. this is the potatoes iwth cheese.. look I love meat but potatoes don’t get enough love. They just don’t and you can do all kinds of delicious things to them. It’s why a good third of side dishes at most restaurants are potato based. 

But yeah rolling it back a bit Louie is confident that even with the  this will be mildly relaxing.. then Gyro bursts in thorugh the double doors proudly announcing his invention and pries himself in, ignoring Louie’s desperate attempts to shut him out.

 Gyro is.. different in this episode. He’s peppy and while he’s mildly condescnding to the Gyropludians, more no that in a second, he’s far more enthuastic and freindly to everyone else and less of the awkward ballbag he’d been last season and would be again this season.

This feels like an ATTEMPTED course correct. See a lot of people, if understandably didn’t like how Gyro was in season 1. Fan of the original him from the comics and show iddn’t like the nice, friendly weirdo suddenly being a sour, condesencindg weirdo. Me I was FINE with the change from unintentional mad scientist to intentional one... I just feel they overdid it on the asshole as season 1 went on. In The Great Dime Chase he’s fine, he’s egosticial, angry and kind of a pill.. but he also clearly cares for his creations, rightfully hates the board for constantly doubting him, and is frustrated his creations keep going rouge. It was a nice balance. 

The balance got thrown off entirely however once Fenton entered the scene. The crew just leaned WAY to hard into hwo much of a shitweasel he was to fenton: giving him an office in the bathroom with a cool quip, trying to beat him up (even if his rage over Fenton’s dumbassery was warranted that was not), and finally trying to take the gizmoduck armor back not out of any real concerns but because he’s worried he’ll loose his job... his job iwth the man who freely tolerates his creations going insane and really dosen’t care about his own colateral let alone Gyro’s. It came off as disngenous and that he simply didn’t trust FENTON with it and wanted and excuse to take the armor Fenton had clearly earned. He also pit manny and bulb against each other for a job which just felt out of character even for him to possibly fire one of his children which felt horribly out of character. Toniing this down was a good thing.. I just feel they overcorrected. They tried making him the 80′s version with a slight ego here, and when that didn’t work they just downplayed him for the rest of the season. He’s still around, in fact we’ll be seeing him again soon enough, and he still gets some great jokes... he’s just not really focused on at all. But they managed to fix their fix in season 3: they did have Gyro be a dick to Fenton again but gave proper context, had him apologize and framed it less as a funny joke and more as him being abusive because he was abused himself and breaking the cycle. He also kept the supporting role but kept the shadiness in it, with the earpiece bit from “Louie’s Eleven” being a highlight. 

Gyro has a new device that can pick up tiny sounds and has found a tiny civilization in the ducks house, dubbing them Gyropudlians because he apparnetly likes Gullivers Travels. I do not really know what that’s about, nor have I seen any of the movies. Not even the jack black one made on a dare to see if they could actually sell a movie on the concept “This old story but as a jack black comedy”. And it went horribly wrong because they actually did get it greenlit and someone out there actually watched it. Not me... and I watched the Wrong MIssy entirely of my own volition. I’m not immune from making eye staining mistakes. This just wasn’t one of them. 

Gyro ends up getting shrunk down because he naturally attached a shrink ray to it because...

So Louie shrugs it off correctly figuring out the arc of that sort of story: Gyro becomes a god, he learns a life lesson that sort of thing. Also I do applaud them for making the lost tribe not horribly racist.. that is a hard line to walk. They just make them generic instead which.. still better than racist. “Not Racist” isn’t a very high bar to clear but given this version went out of it’s way to be inclusive while the original show.. what’s a good metaphor for this.. hrmmm... these rakes are all the racism in the original show i’ve encoungered so far and probably will in the future, and i’m sideshow bob. 

Eventually though the Gyropudlians decide to decalre war on the giants because unknowingly the Ducks have been destroying their civilizations time and time again.. mostly louie but donald clearly peed a civiliztion to death..and i’m not grasping at straws there he left the bathroom and the other two possiblities for the floating city are too horrible to comprehend. Or it was just the sink and i’m a bastard... i’m probably a bastard.

So they blast the shrink ray around the kitchen and get Launchpad, so now he’s a part of this cliche. Beakly finds them.. is highly supscious, and Huey’s lie is.. not convincing... but this gets her out of game night with her overcompeitive boss so she takes the out and gets the fuck out and is not seen for the rest of the episode.. probably for several days. Look she does a lot around the house no one’s going to question if she comes back after a mysteirous absence with someone elses blood on her apron and several thousnd ddollars in brazilian cocaine. The sweetest cocaine of all. Scrooge is just used to it by now. 

Anyways things continue to escalate as The Gyropuldians, Launchpad and Gyro launch an assault on the tower of infinity, aka the jenga tower and knock it over. The Good news is launchpad surivives and we get a great bit of the brothers hugging then awkarly and half assedly explaning it to cover. the bad news is the Gyropudlians considered it an act of war and have trained some flies to man the microphone shrink ray dealie. 

It’s here we get the best scene of the episode: Huey is naturally worried.. even more so after he sees Louie’s response to the unfolding chaos: Curling up in a fetal position and rocking back in forth muttering to himself this was supposed to be a fun night in. Huey finally has had enough of this and wants to knwo wha tthe hell this is all about, shooting down Louie attempting to deflect it with his usual lazy schtick. Even at his laziest he’d pride self preservation over doing nothing. This is something worse. And while Huey is furious his rage is coming out of concern. While Huey prides himself on his brain... he has the biggest heart of the three. He’s the most empathetic and the one most willing to reach out to the others when they need him. Not that hte others lack it, Dewey was the one to welcome Webby into the group the most after all, it’s just Huey displays it the most. So his anger comes off entirely as genuine worry at Louie acting out of character and trying to avoid doing what eveyrone else does. And his response.. is heartbreaking...

“BECAUSE I’MMom was great at adventuring, and she still got hurt. I'm only good at talking my way out of it. How long before that's not enough? NOT GOOD AT IT OKAY?!” 

Bobby Monihan.. really dosen’t get enough credit for this show. When he gets to really do something big with Louie he goes for it and he uttelry dominates the scnee here. Danny Pudi is no slouch mind.. but Monihan REALLy gets to show what he can do. His reasoning for his worries is also just as well delivered and heartbreaking. 

“Mom was great at adventuring, and she still got hurt. I'm only good at talking my way out of it. How long before that's not enough?“

It just.. stings a lot. To find that Louie’s exaustion wasn’t out of self intrest.. but just out of fear. That he won’t be good enough at best and that he’ll end up like his mom: lost or dead never to be seen again as far as he figures. As a third of this arc will bear out, tha’ts not even remotely true, but out of the three Louie is the most pragmatic so while he says hurt.. he thinks she’s dead. And if she, someone as capable as scrooge or as close as someone whose not him can be, could end up dead... he’s living on borrowed time. 

This is where the Venture bros comparison really comes out to me... because they had a similar if more spread out storyline in season 5, with bookish brother Dean, Huey if he lacked autisim but gained 80 dozen more issues, found out he and his brother Hank, aka Dewey in his teens, were clones because his dad is really bad at keeping his sons alive because he’s also bad at everything else including science, parenting, being emotinally open, making a cocktail that isn’t a crime against nature, sex, and not treating hank like garbage, which should fall under shitty parenting but I love my empty headed boy.

So why bring this up? Well besides self indulgance because I love both shows iwth a signifgant portion of my heart and frank flat out admitted to being a venture bros fan, and having Beakly take some cues from Brock, I love the accidental parallels here: both are arcs about a boy adventuer coming to grips with their mortality. Both withdraw, both are heavily depressed and both feel there’s no real light at the end of the tunnel for htem anymore. 

And both.. are drawn out of it the same way.. by a concerned brother pulling them out of their misery and self doubt:

It’s the same here... Huey helps Louie through it, understanding how he feels.. and like Hank did for Dean, proving to Louie he’s not alone. He points out that yes Della did get hurt.. but it’s because she went in alone. He’s got his family.. they won’t let him get lost or die.. because their not alone. The reason they can do all this stuff is because their together. Their all amazing alone.. but together their unstoppable. And i’ts fine Louie’s afraid.. but he can’t let that fear kill everyone he cares about.

So our boys run upstairs, but are a second too late as the gyro pudlians shrink the other four down, and the duo’s attempt to grow them just makes one of the gyropudlians giant instead. With things at their grimmist.. Louie finds his TRUE talent, looks at the situation. and takes charge. In the span of two minutes he completely turns the tide: he has launchpad crash his way out, which he does by pure accident because of course he does he’s nature’s perfect Himbo. He next has Donald and scrooge take on some guards to give Dewey and Webby some room and has Huey take out the giant with his sewing. His final part is to have Dewey and Webby work their way up to the ray gun.. which is a probelma s both have lost all confidence due to realizing they have nothing in common and can’t fathom how their friends. Scrooge’s reply? Of course their not.. THEIR FAMILY. It was then that a thousand debbigail shippers cried out and were silenced... I know I was one of them. I couldn’t speak for about a minute. It was awful. 

And yeah.. I had been shipping Dewey and Webby up to this point, but it was becoming increasingly obvious they were being treated like brother and sister and then this happened. And in hindsight i’m glad I jumepd the hell off as they turne dout ot be blood related so I dodged a bullet there an found better ships for both. So no harm no F.O.W.L. clone accidental incest. 

Realizing this the two find their second wind and save the day. OUr heroes are restored and things are good.

The next day, Louie faces the music with Scrooge and is terrified, not helped by Scrooge being dead serious... but his worries are for naught. Scrooge instead only has one thing to say

“You saw all the angles”

Something the crew conciously did was have each of the kids mimic one of Scrooge’s tennants, something that was heavily implied before but made fully explicit here: Dewey is toughter than the toughies, Huey is Smarter than the smarties... and Louie is the oft forgotten Sharper than the sharpies. Scrooge even lampshades how that part of his motto is often left out. And of course as frank made clear post series, Webby made her way into the family Square. 

But back to the sharpie thing, I like this because it defines what that truly means, as it often comes off as similar to the smartie bit hence i’ts exclusion: It’s the ablitliyt to think quickly, strategize, a strategic, critical mind that can come up with a gambit in an instant and use everyone to the best of their abillity. It’s why for an example, Scott Summers is one of my faviorite x-men. Because while his eye laser things are impressive it’s this kind of cleverness and tactical insight, seeing all the pieces on the board and easily manuvering them, friend and foe, that makes him so awesome. And as scrooge muses it could make Louie even richer than he is. And in a truly touching gesture, Scrooge gives Louie the idol, confident in his Nephew’s potetial. His mother reached hers... he only needs time. So with that Louie’s arc truly begins and he hangs a shingle on the triplets door. Louie inc is born. 

Final Thoughts: This episode caught me by suprise: I remember it being decent.. but damn if it wasn’t amazing on the rewatch, with the knowledge of Louie’s weakness helping but really it’s just a funny, tightly paced half hour of television. It has great jokes, a great emtoinal arc and in general is jsut well.. great. I didn’t see this poteitial the first time because I was more hung up on fethry finally appearing, the cabs finally appearing.. all the things in the distance after this ep. But this ep is just damn good and I wish i’d put it on my best of list. Top shelf stuff.

Next time on Of Moons, Millionares and Mothers: The second arc starts up as FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD returns as an amensiac south african fisherman and it’s up to Webby and Louie to unravel his past to figure out why he’s acting like this and if this is another one of his insane schemes. We also meet Zan Owlson buisnesswoman of the year and person about to go through some undeserved shit at the hands of a stupid man.  Later Today: We return to Amity Park for more Danny Phantom and meet his second most intresting enemy as an innocent fuckup turns a spoiled brat into one of most dangerous enemies. Also PUPPIES and Tucker being the worst. 

Wednsday: We grab onto some more ducktales as Donald returns to Ducktales 87. And judging by the content warning so does racisim. 

If you liked this review stop my patreon RIGHT HERE. Seriously please do: you’ll find exclusive reviews, and if you join you’ll get acess to my discord, get to pick a short for my shortstravganzas, and help me reach my strech goals. And at my next one at 20, just 5 dollars away, ALL READERS will get a darkwing duck review a month and reivews of the two ducktales movie as well as the Danny Phantom TV Movie the ultimate enemy! 

See you at the next rainbow!

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Order 23 Job

leverage 2.03

Nate: Nobody wants to see this guy just get a slap on the wrist, Ronald, I mean, but killing him? He's a thief, not a murder.

literally !!! this !!!

I’m not even going to go into current events but no matter what someone has done, ESPECIALLY if they haven’t had a trial yet they do NOT deserve to be killed or murdered or anyone (side eyes the US police system). I said what I said.

- - - - -

Ronald: He was smart, responsible, and Armenian, like us.

Nate: Yeah, well, they call these affinity crimes, people who prey on fellow members of ethnic groups

- - - - -

Hardison: Eddie's new address in Fort Walton Beach, Florida, is the original "Club Fed".

Eliot: He's got his own nine-hole golf course. Vegan menu.

Hardison: This dude can play Frisbee with the guys from Enron in the quadrangle.

Eliot: I hate those guys. 18 months in a country club, this guy.

Parker: Yeah, and then when he gets done, he gets to come home and collect his hidden cash

we love to see the ot3 angry about the same things while sitting close together

+ eliot is wearing a flannel in this one

- - - - -

parker doing a happy dance in the vents when she knocks the guy out

- - - - -

(Hardison unpacks computer monitors and sets up a workstation while a video feed of Parker making the bed plays on a laptop. Hardison plays audio sounds on the laptop)

Nate: Hey.

Hardison: Hey. I put speakers in Eddie's room and every 3 feet down the hallway. So if you want to hear footsteps coming toward you, you slide the cursor this way. (demonstrates) And walking away, this way. I made you a master audio file with all the stuff we recorded, plus the sound effects. You mix them any way you want. You're the dj

that’s actually really smart

- - - - -

Parker: All right, well, here's the stuff from the van plus almost everything from the list. (opens a bag) And by the way, nurses haven't worn skirts with white stockings since the '70s. Sorry.

(hardison and eliot share a look)

dumb idiot boys that think it’d be funny to see their future gf in an old nurse uniform

- - - - -

Hardison: If you don't give me that shirt--

Eliot: Listen to me, son, you need those fingers to type on your little keyboard, don't you?

Hardison: So you know, a bully is just a cowboy with low self-esteem.

Eliot: What was that, now?

Hardison: I said what?

Eliot: My insecure ass is gonna be wearing this shirt

- - - - -

Parker: You're not claustrophobic, are you, Mr. Maranjian? (pushes him down the hall, leaning down to whisper in his ear) Because you've got nothing to be afraid of.

I LOVE IT WHEN SHE FUCKS WITH PEOPLE

- - - - -

(Eliot stops to look at the boy, who looks up at him with tears in his eyes)

Hardison: So, say I mention "The Search for Spock", what do you do?

Eliot: I don't have a TV.

Hardison: Everybody has TVs. Dead people have TVs. Damn it.

(Hardison walks away, but Eliot remains, looking at the boy and his father)

- - - - -

Nate: See, y-you tell someone they have a bunch of symptoms and the information gets processed in the executive center of the brain, right? It's job is to question assumptions, start an argument. But if you suggest symptoms, you can bypass all that.

Parker: Like subliminal advertising?

Nate: It's actually neurolinguistic programming, you know, the gateway to the amygdala, which is the fear center of the brain. You asked what we're selling. That's-- that's what we're selling.

Parker: So we're selling...

Nate: Fear.

Parker: Oh. Fear.

Nate: Yeah.

Parker: Cool.

Nate: Yeah

- - - - -

Parker (looking at monitor): Wait, his nose. Is that...

Nate: real blood?

Eddie: I'm-- I'm bleeding! I'm bleeding!

Nate: Yes. Yes, it is.

Eddie: Hello?! Can anyone hear me?! Please!

Parker: Did you just give a guy a nosebleed with the power of your mind?

Nate: Amygdala mania. Hmm. Almond tonsils.

Parker: Is it just me, or has Nate gotten a little sadistic since he quit drinking?

Sophie: Is it just me, or does that make him even more attractive

- - - - -

Hardison: Eliot, can you talk? What's Charlie doing?

[Hallway]

Eliot: I haven't gotten there yet. (looks into room with Trent and his son)

Hardison: No wonder I couldn't hear you on my coms. Eliot, stop checking out the nurses and get your ass down to Charlie!

Eliot: I'm on my way, all right? Shut up.

(Eliot takes out his earbud and walks into the exam room to Trent)

Eliot: Excuse me, sir. Can I talk to you for a second, please

eliot cares SO MUCH

- - - - -

(Eliot grabs Trent’s arm and bends him over the railing)

Eliot: That bruise on his cheek's a week old. The one on his neck is three days. He get that falling, too?

Trent: You don't believe me? Ask him.

Eliot: Why, huh? So I can hear how well his daddy taught him to lie?

Trent: If you're gonna arrest me, go ahead. I'll be out in five minutes.

Eliot: I ain't gonna arrest you.

(Eliot nearly throws Trent over the railing letting him dangle for a moment before throwing him back against the wall. He opens Trent’s wallet and looks at his license)

Eliot: Randall Trent, 73 Austin Street. (puts wallet in his pocket) I got my eye on you now.

Trent: How many guys don't even see their kids? I bet this place is full of deadbeat dads. But a man who provides for his family, who shows his son a firm hand, he's the bad guy? Go back to your speed traps.

(Trent leaves the stairwell. Eliot looks pissed)

eliot is SO ANGRY I love my kind-hearted man

also high key I really thinks this gives an insight as to what his childhood was like

like,,, he saw the signs RIGHT AWAY. he was primed to notice them. he saw right through any act that man would have pulled because he saw what was truly going on, and things like that hit harder and closer when they’ve happened to you or someone in your life

- - - - -

Sophie: You know, I once had to play six parts in "Nicholas Nickleby" and Mrs. Squeers and Phib had a bloody song together.

- - - - -

on today’s edition of non-weapons-that-eliot-uses-as-weapons, we have eliot using the morgue body cabinet doors and a gross morgue body part (?) bowl

- - - - -

(Eliot puts Charlie on top of one of the bodies in the drawers and closes him inside before putting his earbud back in)

Hardison: You think you can just ignore me, like I don't have any feelings, like I never sat there, never listened to you talk all night about tryin--

Eliot: Hardison, have you been talking the whole time?

Hardison: I wouldn't have had to if you didn't turn off your daggum com

hardison worries about eliot and gets angry when he takes his coms out because he cares

- - - - -

Hardison: Oh, man. Come on.

(Hardison moves to tug Eliot before he heads off. Eliot looks from the boy to the police coming into the hospital before entering the boy’s room and pulling the curtain)

Eliot: Hey. How's the arm, my man?

Randy: It's okay.

Eliot: Yeah? My name's Eliot. What's your name?

(police officers continue to move through the hallways)

Randy: Randy.

Eliot: Randy. Oh, I like that name. (sits on bed) I got an uncle named Randy. There sure are a lot of cops around here, huh? You know, if you wanted, you could go up to one and tell them what happened to your arm. Hey, Randy. You don't have to be afraid anymore.

Randy: Dad knows these cops, you know? They come to my house. They'll drink beer. I mean… I can't

this is so, so sad but also hardison’s casual touching and intimacy with eliot gives me life

- - - - -

this is the one episode parker is tased and not the one doing the tasing

- - - - -

okay but wHO ACTUALLY, IN REAL LIFE, LEAVES THEIR KEYS IN THEIR UNLOCKED CAR

- - - - -

PARKER USED ELIOTS PUNCHING TACTICS (from the last episode) TO KNOCK THEIR MARK OUT

- - - - -

(Eddie uses the stunner to knock Parker out. As soon as he moves away, she gets up, lifting her shirt to show a vest)

hmmm I wonder what type of vest she used to block the electric shock ???

- - - - -

(team walks out of the courthouse and heads down the stairs)

Nate: So, here's everything you need to know about criminal law. Every crime has two elements, Actus reus, the act itself, and mens rea, Literally "The Guilty Mind."

Hardison: Wait. Now you're a doctor and a lawyer?

Nate: Yes. Now, for escape, the prisoner has to both break out of custody and show the intent to escape.

Sophie: Wait, so if, let's say, a prisoner was taken hostage during a jailbreak then he wouldn't be guilty of escape.

Nate: That's a perfect example.

Hardison: Kiss ass.

Nate: Which brings us back to our friend Eddie and how the brain reacts to fear. In the heat of the moment Eddie didn't ask himself a simple question, who would doubt his guilty mind?

- - - - -

Bob: Damn right it is. You and your partner, you're all right. I don't know how to thank you, though.

(Eliot looks at Bob for a long moment, then pulls Trent’s license from his pocket and hands it to Bob)

Eliot: Do one thing for me.

Bob: You got it.

[Exterior Apartment]

(Bob knocks on the door and Randy opens it)

Bob: Randy? I'm Deputy United States Marshal Robert Corville. I'm from Boston. I think you and I need to talk.

Trent: Who are you talking to out there? (pulls door open wider and sees Bob)

Bob: Come on.

(Randy looks at Trent then follows Bob out of the apartment)

Bob: It's all right, son. Come on. You're gonna be okay, Randy.

(Bob gives Trent one last look before moving away. From down the street, Eliot watches as Bob and Randy get into a car and drive away)

eliot watching over to make sure the kid was okay in the end? my HEART

[devil-in-those-eyes]

Duchess of the Kooks- JJ Maybank

Okay, so if i’m really honest, I had tried doing this imagine different ways and i’m worried you guys wouldn't like it. It’s turning into maybe 2 or 3 parts, depends on if you guys enjoy it. I’m really hoping you do though. 

This part is taking over episodes like 4 and 5 just for reference. Pls be nice, i’m taking a risk with this and again, super worried and nervous. 

Warnings: Uh... some cursing, I think? 2.9k, she’s a long one.

~

           “Listen, when I agreed to coming to this movie night, I didn’t agree to Little Topper joining us.” JJ said after you and Kiara walked out of her dad’s restaurant and saw the two boys hanging around the back.

           Kiara groaned while you glared at JJ, “I have a name, jackass.”

           JJ faked a sarcastic smile and tilted his head while his hands hung on his hips. “I think Little Topper fits you perfectly. You are the baby sister, after all.”

           “JJ, seriously?” Kiara said. “Why can’t you be friendly for once?”

           You watched JJ as he looked at Kiara. For a split second, you saw his shoulders waver in the tension but then he remembered that you were there and stared at you. Hatred was a bit strong for the emotion that filled his eyes, but it was close to it and sadly, you couldn’t really blame him. Your older brother had been nothing but an asshole to JJ and his friends and tensions were only getting worse since the Boneyards, except JJ had a problem with differentiating between you and Topper. To JJ, you were still Topper’s little sister. You were nothing like him but because you shared the same last name and dirty blonde hair, you were classified as shitty as him. And it angered you, to no end.

           “Let’s just get through tonight without murdering one another,” Kiara said, waving her hands downwards, in attempt to motion keeping peace. She stared at JJ, “but if you’re gonna continue being rude, then see ya.”

           Your eyebrows lifted, a small smirk touching your face and waiting for JJ to back down and walk away. Your dream for tonight was for him to get lost, but he’d never give you that satisfaction. It was a nasty game between the two of you, stare long enough to see who would back down first. This little competition always gave you butterflies, not the ones that gave you delicious swarms of nerves but butterflies that flew around with red hot wings. It was rare JJ ever backed down and neither did you. Keeping his light blue eyes on you, he held up his hands. “Whatever you say, Kie.”

           “Can we go now?” Pope asked.

           “Yes,” Kiara answered and moved around you. She shoved JJ’s shoulder and knocked his focus off of you, “get in the freaking jeep.”

           JJ grumbled something, earning a smack from Kiara as you guys put the foldable chairs in the back of your jeep, along with the blankets you had put in there this morning. You got into the drivers seat with Kiara in the passenger seat and the boys in the back, you could feel JJ’s heated gaze drilling a hole into the back of your head but you ignored it and started driving to where the island was hosting their weekly movie night.

           Kiara went on to talk to the boys, turning in her seat to look back at them. You didn’t blame JJ and the boys for being hesitant around you, you just wished that they gave you a chance to prove that you were nothing like Topper. You hated your last name, nothing good came out of being known as the duchess of the kooks because it put you up there with the kook king, Topper and kook princess, Sarah Cameron. It was solely because of your last name, not because you were friends with Sarah or hung out with her and Topper’s friends. You were actually a loner, not hanging around anyone because your haven’t found your place on the island. Kiara had tried getting you to hangout with her and her three guy friends, but it was hard. JJ with his stupid blue eyes, mop of blonde hair and snarky comments, Pope was just hesitant to say anything around you. John B was more neutral, didn’t dislike you but wasn’t the biggest fan and you chalked it up to him being friendly to everyone that smiled his way.

           The only reason behind you going to the summer movie night with Kiara was because she begged, did the whole round eyes, jutted out bottom lip until you finally agreed. You needed to get out anyways, avoiding home by hanging out at the beach was getting a little boring. You knew that home was about to be less stressful because your Uncle Mac was flying in tonight and your uncle made it all better. He left the kook and pogue life when he was in his early twenties, he dropped the whole suit and tie and country club for his surf board and ripped up jean shorts. Your dad thought of your uncle as the black sheep of the family, whereas you thought he was the best person to walk the earth.

           “Yo, what happened to your face?” Kiara asked Pope, pushing his hat up after you pulled into a parking spot and got out of your car, grabbing the blanket and beach chairs for you and Kiara, Pope and JJ grabbing theirs.

           “Nothing,” Pope said, “knocked my head on dad’s boat.”

           You looked up at Pope and felt guilt fill your stomach. That was a blatant lie. You didn’t officially know what happened between the boys, but this morning you watched someone pull Topper’s Malibu from the water. It had sunk over night and right before you left for work you heard Topper and Rafe talk about how it was all Pope’s fault.

           “You beat his ass and he sunk my boat.” Topper hissed.

           “You didn’t exactly sit there and twiddle your thumbs, now did you.”

           Rafe and your brother jumped Pope and Pope fought back. If Topper hadn’t of nearly killed John B and Topper and Rafe hadn’t of jumped Pope, then Pope wouldn’t have taken matters into his own hands. You just prayed that the two boys and Kelce went to a party tonight instead of come here, looking for Pope.

           “Clutz.” Kiara commented as we all headed to the lawn where people were getting ready for the movie. You caught the eyes of JJ and could see it in his eyes, your brother bashed my friends face in and your heart plummeted. This was exactly why you didn’t like being a Thornton.

           “Aren’t you glad I made you guys come?” Kiara asked as she found the spot she wanted, right in the middle, not too close to the front but also not right in the back.

           “Ecstatic,” Pope said sarcastically, making a small smile touch your face as you and Kiara laid the blanket and set up your chairs.

           JJ cleared his throat, “my couch was pretty comfy, I’ll be honest.”

           “Wanna grab sodas, Kie?” I asked her, nodding my head to the small concessions stand near the back entrance of the country club.

           Kiara nodded, “We’ll be back.”

           The boys were in their own world, talking to each other, that they didn’t bother answering her. Kiara turned to me and rolled her dark eyes, “morons,” she muttered as we headed to the concessions stand but then an older woman called out to her. She grumbled unhappily but smiled while saying through gritted teeth, “I’ll be back.”

           I huffed with a laugh and walked up to the stand. The guy smiled at me so I returned it, “three Pepsi’s please.”

           He dished out the amount and I fished through my back pocket for my cash. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the kook duchess,” Rafe said, coming up to you. Your heart stilled in your chest as you realized that the only reason why Rafe would come here would be to cause trouble with Pope and JJ.

           Disgust rolled through you as he smiled, but you couldn’t bring yourself to smile back. As soon as Topper started seeing Sarah, your mom got it in her head that you being with Rafe would be this amazing thing. You nearly vomited right then and there.

           “Rafe,” you answered, accepting your change while the guy went to grab three sodas for you.

           “How are you?” He asked, still smiling while ignoring the look on your face. “been a while.”

           “Fine,” you said, happy to see the guy returning with your drinks. You grabbed them and gave one last look to Rafe, “bye.”

           “Not so fast,” Rafe said, gripping your forearm and pulling you back to face him. He leaned down an inch or so and searched your eyes, “I see you came with the pogues, why don’t you come back and sit with me and your bro, where you belong?”

           You didn’t belong anywhere. You didn’t think you belonged on this island, let alone with your brother and his friends. You tried to shake off his arm but he held on tighter, “what would your mom think? Hanging out with the bottom feeders?”

           “The hell does it matter to you?” You asked.

           “Hey, what’s going on, let her go, Rafe.” Kiara said, coming out of nowhere and grabbing a hold of Rafe’s arm that was still holding onto you.

           Rafe slowly let go of me and smirked darkly at Kiara and I, “good, you’re here too.”

           “Get lost, Rafe.” Kiara said, rolling her eyes and touching my elbow.

           “Tell your boy that we know what he did,” Rafe said as you two took a step away. Your face paled but Kiara’s played neutral.

           “Sorry, what boy are you talking about?”

           “He’ll know.” He answered, his jaw clenching.

           Kiara scoffed and turned us. We began walking away as Rafe called out behind us, “bye!”

           “Douche,” Kiara called back where as I flipped him off. “What the fuck was that about?”

           Kiara had no idea that Rafe and Topper jumped Pope, or about sinking Topper’s boat. I hadn’t said anything because it wasn’t my place and if I did tell her and she went to the boys, JJ would claim I was sticking my nose where it didn’t belong.

           “I can’t believe your mom wants to marry you off to that douche.” Kiara grumbled unhappily as we walked quickly back to our seats. When we reached the boys, I sat down and handed Pope and JJ their drinks. “Just saw Rafe,” Kiara said and Pope’s eyes went wide. “he said, and I quote, tell your boy we know what he did. What is that?”

           “Um,” JJ drawled out as Kiara sat between me and Pope. “Where is he?”

           Kiara looked over her shoulder, “there.”

           Pope whirled around and JJ casually followed. I looked over my shoulder to see Rafe standing with Topper and Kelce, drinking from plastic cups. “Great, the whole death squad.” Pope said, his voice going a bit higher than normal.

           “Don’t stare,” JJ said.

           Rafe blew a kiss my way. I gave a pretty fake smile and flipped him off while mouthing, fuck yourself. His eyes instantly hardened as I turned around but as I did, I noticed JJ watching me with narrowed eyes. I gave him a what the hell you looking at shake of my head and he looked down at Pope.

           JJ started talking to Pope about if they corner him, he was coming out swinging. Pope agreed but JJ lifted his tan backpack, “if that doesn’t work, I got this right here.”

           “Oh, my god,” Kiara whispered as Pope rambled on, something about staying in school? “Please, tell me you did not bring a gun here, JJ, there are kids here.”

           “No, I didn’t bring the gun, everything’s fine, Kie.” JJ answered, playing cool.

           “Wow, thank you. That’s really convincing. I love that, JJ.”

           “Wait,” I held up my hand, shaking my head. “When did you buy a gun?”

           “You’ve missed a lot,” Pope whispered.

           “None of your business, Y/N.” JJ answered swiftly.

           I scoffed, licking my bottom lip and facing forward. Kiara ignored him and leaned closer to her two friends, “Founding principle, you guys. No secrets amongst Pogues. What is Rafe talking about?”

           “Kie,” Pope leaned in, “it might go down tonight.”

           “might go down tonight? What did you all do?”

           JJ whispered something, but I was too annoyed with him to listen. Kiara faced forward and I could feel the anger rolling off of her, still having no idea what the hell Rafe was really talking about. As the sun started to set and the night took over, the announcer said in ten minutes they’d start the film.

           Kiara looked over at me, “Why do I have the feeling you know?”

           My eyes ripped towards her as Pope and JJ looked at us as well, “I don’t.”

           “You’ve been acting weird all day,” Kiara said, turning to shield the boys from me. “What do you know?”

           “Nothing,” I exclaimed. I motioned to JJ, “he’s been a dick all night, sorry if I’m sick of his crap.”

           I mean… it wasn’t a total lie but Kiara bought it and faced forward. When she did, I caught the eyes of Pope, who slowly faced the white screen as well, but then JJ’s eyes stayed on me. Yes my mind screamed I know what happened and I just lied for you.

           For the first time, his eyes softened but your face stayed neutral and faced forward. You weren’t even really paying attention to the movie, too be honest you didn’t even know what movie was playing because all you could think about was how Topper would get his revenge on Pope and JJ. Maybe if they made a run for it now, they could run to her jeep and peel before Topper and Rafe realizes.

           “Excuse me,” Kiara hissed and I looked at the two boys as they stood up. “where are you going?”

           “To wring it out,” JJ answered.

           “What’re you gonna do, hold it for each other?” Kiara asked, making me laugh softly, hiding it behind my hand when someone shushed me.

           The boys walked away but I turned my head to see Topper, Rafe and Kelce watching JJ and Pope. I turned my eyes back to the boys as they disappeared behind a tree, away from the mass of people. My stomach clenched.

           Did I tell Kiara? Topper and Rafe wouldn’t do anything now, it was still too populated. People would see. My breathing quickened as I looked back and saw the three talking amongst themselves.

           Oh, no. I reached over Kiara’s lap and grabbed the backpack. “What are you doing?” she hissed.

           “My brother and Rafe jumped Pope, so Pope sunk Topper’s boat.” I whispered, putting the backpack in my lap.

           Kiara’s head shook, surprised. “Wait, what?”

           I stared at Kiara and felt something heavy settled on my chest, “I think Topper and Rafe are going to hurt JJ and Pope.”

           “Y/N,” Kiara started, still trying to comprehend it all. “How come you knew this?”

           “I heard Rafe and Topper this morning,” I answered. “I would’ve said something but I didn’t want to hear JJ’s voice.”

           I glanced back and didn’t see my brother and his friends. “Oh, fuck, come on.” I told Kiara and we headed for the side. We ran to the back of the movie screen and heard grunting and yelling.

           Topper was beating the shit out of Pope while Kelce was holding JJ wide open for Rafe to keep beating. “Let go of him, Topper!” Kiara yelled, running for Topper while I ran for Rafe.

           “Rafe, stop!” I yelled, grabbing his arm before he landed another punch on JJ.

           Rafe didn’t listen, he twisted his arm out of my grasp and pushed me back, I went stumbling back and watched as he punched JJ in the stomach. Topper was yelling at Pope and Kiara was trying to stop Topper from hurting Pope. I was quick to jump onto Rafe’s back and wrap my arm around his neck, putting all my weight back.

           “Get the fuck off,” Rafe grunted.

           “Leave him alone!” I yelled, digging my nails into the skin of his neck.

           Kelce dropped JJ to the floor and came for me. He threw me off of Rafe and I tumbled to the floor. I bashed my head against the soil and heard JJ call out, “Y/N!” but then Kelce came for him and landed a few punches. I turned my head to see Rafe grabbing Kiara off of Topper and tossing her to the ground.

           “Stay out of this, Kiara!”

           I got to my feet as Kiara scrambled to the bag. My heart was beating out of my chest as Rafe and Kelce continued to beat up JJ but Topper wrapped his arm around Pope’s neck and started choking him, telling him to just admit it. “Kie, do something!” I cried, rushing to Topper and pulling on him.

           “Admit it, Pogue, just admit it.” Topper grunted as Pope struggled to breathe.

           “Topper, let him go!” I begged and suddenly a warm flame ignited on the movie screen. As the fire filled the screen, Topper let go of Pope and he went to the floor coughing and trying to breathe.

           “Kelce, let go of him!” Kiara called out and I turned to see Kelce shoving JJ away as Rafe ran up to Topper.

           Topper grabbed my arm as flames floated up the movie screen. “You picked the wrong side, sis.”

           I glared at him, “You nearly killed him, Topper. I didn’t pick a side.”

           Topper shook his head slowly, the red flames lighting up his features. “You’ll regret hanging around them.”

           I shoved his chest and ran up to JJ as he spit out blood. “Are you okay?”

           JJ grabbed his hat and put it back on, he tilted his head to see and I could see the busted lip. “I’m fine.”

           My chin wobbled at the sight, “come on, we need to leave.”

           “Guys, let’s go!” Kiara called out. JJ walked slowly beside me as we made our way back to my jeep, walking the opposite way of my brother and his friends.

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 2X16 Roadkill

“why do I feel like this one is gonna hurt

Although I’m watching on the big TV for the first time like...ever

whee I love being home without parentals

YO HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN

Literally my favorite song right now

they’re lost, ok fine, classic trope

he distracts her, they veer off road

why did the guy look vaguely like Bobby

Damn that was an intense crash

Where’s her husband?

At least she’s....alive?

Ma’am go up to the road, your husband is dead probably

this looks like...a hunter’s cabin?

This is a REALLY Long intro

Wait and then he just...morphs into someone else? and he’s bleeding?

oh and thEN she runs into Sam and Dean, ok 

THEY HAVE TO HAND CRANK THE WINDOWS

Yes I will clown Dean’s old car fixation

Wh do they know who it is?

I’m digging the episode structure, it’s different and a bit weird

the radio...switches to...the song!!!

“It was playing when we crashed” HFDAIOFHPASI HOLY HELL

“She’s mine” OH MY GOD

THE CAR STALLS! THEY HIT THE GUY!!

“He’s not gonna let her leave” SFIAF AAHHH

of course she gets scared of the guns you fucking idiots

Ah great they’re telling the truth that’s going great

“don't...don’t sugarcoat it”

I’ll be honest, I do appreciate her not trusting them, that makes a lot of sense

“Farmer roadkill” hey roll credits

once you realize Sam is protagonist-y boi, it’s hard not to notice, he gets all the Last Word

Oh the actress is from Battlestar Galactica, that’s why she was familiar

“you’re like ghostbusters” 

Why would you go into the woods

BOOM! SHOT HIM!!!

Also I think that was with the rebel just for kicks audio

I was a CLOWNE, SHE”S CHARLOTTE FROM LUCIFER

“just once I’d like to round a corner and see a nice house” pffttt, not in a horror show you dumdum

THE DOOR OPENED AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE SPIRIT JESUS CHRIST ok I like the spook

the better bookend this with house of the rising sun, I say as an objective party that totally doesn’t stan this song

“caught in a loop” is just...ofahosu

“they weren’t evil, something happened to them” damn I wonder why Sam would feel personally

Dean references j. love hewitt who is apparently a...romcom star?

Dean just wants to kill them

“smells like old lady in here....ah that’s why” that’s...disturbing

she hung herself

I like that her questioning gets them to question, that’s neat

“we’re all just scared of the unknown” “we don’t know what happens after”

Sam also references their dad super casually, which feels important

“you won’t tell me because you’re afraid I’ll mess up your hunt” is good, that’s the chase

DAMN I love the fact that this song keeps showing up, and it gets mixed to be the soundtrack, I love it so much

The chewed through cord of the radio, the ice spelling out she’s mine, NICE creepy elements

and yes, the giant-ass window WAS a huge giveaway, but the other stuff was cool

It was nice seeing them be a little less macho for a bit though.

Tree as a grave marker is a nice touch

wait is it true

“all i go left is hurting you" is a Line, damn

oh great it’s torture, great

Dean don’t get cocky, and stop showboating

ahh he’s the distraction

second episode in a row he’s gotten thrown around by Magic Creatures

and it’s over

yes your husband is dead, he’s clearly dead

...he’s...not alive

??

Sam please tell me you’re not lying 

"he’s in that house”?

WHAT?

he never left???

he’s with someone else??

That’s David’s wife??

Oh my god, she’s dead. She hit Greeley with the car 15 years ago

THAT’S WHY THEY TALKED BOUT THE ACCIDENT

“some spirits only see what they want” OHHH

good bait and switch, I did not see it coming

oHH ok the way they were handling it with care makes way more sense!!

Yes, some of it hits you in the face when they recontextualize it, but it’s the cw, fine, I’ll take it

They try to make her move on! That’s neat, honestly

“you’ll move on” “but you don’t know where” AHHHH

“it’s time to go” ohhh this is remarkably sweet of them

AND THAT’S WHY SHE LOOKED SO 90s

the environmental shot is really nice, actually

AAND THE FILTER CHANGES! It goes from REALLY gray to more peach and warm!

“We’ll never know till we die” ha wait, just wait, just you wait guys

Ah sixth sense reference I was wondering when that was gonna happen

1. Ok, different episode structure, bait and switch, and a BALLER soundtrack. The two spirits haunting them, reenacting their own death and driving others to die as a result. The idea and lore? slapped. I liked how the filter changed at the end

2. The way they changed the color stuff, the horror(while cliche) was solid. Honestly just kinda fun

3. It was nice seeing them do something different. Exploring different depths. I appreciated that a lot.

:)

[skull001]

Friday... It was like 7:30 PM and thought I could take a quick 10 minute nap but was so exhausted from work that next thing I knew was waking up at 3:00 AM. And since there is not much to do to pass time, I decided to do something about it: write.

One of the things I always liked about the Sonic franchise is it's characters. It's not only that they have very appealing designs that combine cute traits with a touch of coolness, but also their well defined personalities. Saddly, I often see people get the wrong idea about them... and it's not just the fans (particularly the fandumb who misinterpretate them into something they are not out of spite) but even the people who are supposed to be professionals who for some reason struggle to get the hang of characters that at first glance seem to have simple personalities.

Today I'm just going to focus on the main cast besides Sonic: Eggman, Tails, Amy and Knuckles.

Dr. Eggman IMO is a character that was always meant to be a cartoony villain who is as goody as he is dangerous. While in Japanese manuals he calls himself a scientific genious of evil, the truth is that Eggman is for the most part, just a very selfish and immature fellow who happens to also be the most brilliant mind in the entire world.

The reason why Eggman is so dangerous is that he pursues his selfish desires such as building an entire amusement park just for himself (and to absolutely share it with no one else) without ever thinking of how he puts everyone, himself included, in great danger by handling forces that he can't expect to control. He is like a very spoiled manchild who is playing with fire in a tinderbox.

While he considers evil, it's also important to note that Eggman is not exactly what I would call sadistic (except in the Archie/IDW comic) since he never is shown to enjoy the suffering of innocents that are caught on his schemes... Eggman simply just doesn't care, but I believe that if he were to be conscious of how his actions affect others, he might at the very least hesitate on going further with his plans because despite being a trouble maker, Eggman is not a monster and in some occassions has shown to still have redeeming aspects that do surface from time to time.

Another interesting aspect about Eggman is that despite him boasting about how great it is to be him and acting all smug, he might actually be a character that feels lonely. In Sonic Unleashed, this point was brought by Chip and think there is validity to it because in the next game, we're introduced to his two assistants Orbot and Cubot, who ever since have kept company to the doc, though as expected, he treats them awfully (but never in a cruel way) just like a bully would to their henchmen. Perhaps Eggman does want to have friends, but because of his selfish and self-centered personality, he drives away anyone who might want to try to come close to him. Heck, the only reason he and Amy remained Fuzzy Puppy buddies in Sonic Boom was that for once, Eggman stopped acting like a spoiled brat and returned the stolen figure after Amy threatened to stop being his friend.

Tails (aka Miles Prower). Tails is a character that has suffered a lot in recent games because of what I mentioned at the start of this wall of text: simple characters who are misunderstood.

This is a character that is meant to be the kid of the group, and as such, he would be the one who experiences doubts and self-confidence issues because while you have strong and experienced characters like Sonic and Knuckles, or the self-made heroine that Amy Rose eventually grew to become, Tails is just the youngest member of the group who for the longest time relied on being by Sonic's side to have the confidence to do things.

Tails has a talent when it comes to tinkering with machines which seems to bring him great joy (I imagine it's the kind like when I build sci-fi model kits), and is always seeking to gain the acknowledgement from his friends by showing to them his latest inventions. At heart, Tails is a gentle child who is the exact opposite of Dr. Eggman because while the doc uses all his talents and resources for self-serving purposes, Tails wants for his inventions to help make life easier for others. However, often his inventions have flaws/bugs that the boy oversees because of his child-like enthusiasm, and this can sometimes cause troubles (like in Sonic Boom's "UT" episode) that causes for Tails to sink into his own doubts.

One thing that I feel is very important to take into consideration is that Tails should never be the kind of character that guilt-trips the audience into feeling sorry for him. When one feels empathy for a character, it's often because they struggle and show very humane and relatable emotions. Tails being confused about what went wrong is IMO a very sincere form of showing his doubts and him trying to correct them is his form of struggle. A trap writers could fall for is to make the other characters act mean to him which is something I feel should be avoided because it cheapens the whole thing.

Amy Rose. With Amy, the thing I liked and always believed is that out of all the characters, she is the one with the most potential... And what annoys me is the way Sonic Team fails to deliver on it by all of the wrong reasons.

I always loved Amy because she is one of the characters that to mee feels the most "real". Amy is a very energetic and bubbly girl with an endless supply of optimism that always makes her see the best out of any situation. She also has quite some flaws too, like being impulsive, quick to jump into conclussions, can be a bit feisty, etc... IMO, this makes Amy feel closer to the normal people and believe that in the Sonic franchise, she serves as a bridge between Sonic's bigger than life adventures and the normal, everyday life. But if there is one thing that this character has that won me over, is her compassion and empathy for others. Sure, every character can show that too because it's a basic humane quality. However, none of them takes it to the length that Amy does because what makes Amy unique is that her compassion and empathy also extends towards the bad guys. You see, Amy is the kind of character that believes that everyone deserves to be happy in life, and because her insight makes her realize the sadness experienced by those who lost their way and deviated into a dark path, she will try to make them realize the inner good that they forgot existed or did not know was there. Where Sonic saves the world, Amy saves bad guys from themselves.

Funny enough, Amy herself is a character that I am very sympathetic for because unlike Tails and Knuckles, who from the very start of their careers had the full support of Sonic Team and always received a preferential treatment, Amy is a character that had to start literally from zero to get where she is now... and even then, sometimes it feels like she is often left behind by the developers who overlook the many things that she as a character can contribute to the main cast, what she herself can accomplish as a hero, what she can add as a playable character... And it's this one-sided form of exclussion that feels so unfair, based on dumbass ideas like "she wasn't part of the Genesis trilogy" that has resulted in so many missed opportunities... From SA2 not continuing her character development by giving the spotlight instead to Knuckles (who didn't even contributed to the plot in any meaningful way and was just there for the sake of pandering to his popularity), to being robbed in Forces from being the leader the IDW comic showed (and which previous games hinted she would one day become) to Mania not having her in the game despite already haven proved to be a great addition in Sonic Advence, giving her spot instead to a couple of literal nobodies. Even the animated mini-series would had also forgotten all about her had it not been for Tyson Hesse, who likes the character and always wanted to feature her and insisted until he got the green light to go ahead with what I feel is the most special episode of the Mania Adventures mini series (and the oerfect Christmas gift for me).If only Christian Whitehead and Takashi Iizuka had been more like Hesse... Cowards. No, I'm not even fucking sorry for calling them that.

Sometimes, as an Amy fan, it's so very hard to have any love for things like the immensely popular "classic trio" (the concept, not the characters involved) because how this has resulted in Amy always getting the short end of the stick. This is a character that IMO should had been right up there along Tails in terms of importance, not being sidelined or excluded over crap "reasons".

And finally, Knuckles.

Oh Knuckles, where do I begin. Despite how sometimes I may sound harsh towards the character, I have to say that I do like Knuckles because as a character, I believe he can be one of the most entertaining and relatable of the franchise, but because Sonic Team are a mixed bag themselves (they create wonderful character designs and give them unique personalities for the most part, but God if they can be clumsy when it comes to handling them) I feel that Knuckles is the opposite of Amy in that he is a character that fell victim of his popularity, where Amy on the other hand is a victim just because she wasn't introduced in a certain trilogy of games.

As a character, Knuckles feels like a mix between Donald Ducks short-tempered personality, and Daffy Duck's jealousy towards the main character. Indeed, Knux can be quite explosive with his temper, especially if it involves unwanted visitors laying their filthy casual paws all over the master emerald, or when facing unexpected obstacles (I know how this feels... I too hate when my work is affected by factors outside my own power. XD) which in animation, were hilariously captured by Tyson.

Knuckles relationship with Sonic on paper is that of a friendly rivalry... Not because Knuckles is this supposedly good, close friend of Sonic, which I still believe he is not (Tails has a reason to be a close friend, Amy has a reason AND had to struggle and insist until she finally got there... Knuckles though, he was never given one, although it's never too late to start working on it), but rather, because Knuckles was never a bad guy... He simply was some echidna with a very honest and naive sense of what is right which Dr. Eggman took advantage of to pit him against Sonic and Tails. Even if Knuckles was thankful to Sonic for helping clear the mess and recover the master emerald, I believe that deep down, Knuckles still resents having not only been tricked by Eggman, but also being beaten by Sonic... and not just in the literal sense of having been KO'd in Kombat, but also in the sense that Sonic did what he was supposed to do: retrieve the master emerald. This IMO is a wound in Knuckles' pride that never truly healed.

And this brings me to what makes Knuckles so sympathetic. Knuckles is the least brilliant mind of the group. He us also stubborn... A literal knucklehead. And yet, Knuckles is aware of this and in more than one occassion has expressed his frustration and regret for how easy he can be taken advantage of... How could someone not love Knuckles and just want to give him a good hug? This is why I was so very moved when the Archie comic had a heartwarming moment where he and Amy have a talk during a journey to retrieve the shards of the master emerald. Ian Flynn did a great job IMO at humanizing Knux by having him open up to Amy and talk about the things that trouble him, from Sonic being a teased, to his doubt to whether he is worthy of being the master emerald's guardian... And how Amy not only reminded how despite his mistakes, he never ever gave up. And when their adventure was over and succeded in their mission, Amy gave Knuckles that hug he deserved and needed so badly to make him feel appreciated.

They are all wonderful characters when they are done right, and why it so frustrates me so very much when they mess up with them because people, like the unintelligent mass of meat that they are, will always jump to the laziest and easiest conclussion, which is why they all have been given negative stigmas that have been so hard to shake off.

I really wish that these characters were made not only justice, but also to be handled by competent people that can understand what makes them themselves, who understand how they are suppose to act like and provide something that actually rewards their fans instead of punishing them (I'm looking at you Sonic Forces!). Funny how it's cartoons like Sonic Boom, the very last Archie comics and the IDW comic that has been delivering the things I always wanted while the games struggle and fail to deliver. This is why the idea of the next game worries me because I really don't have much faith in Sonic Team doing anything that has not been done in the last games: Sonic only, Tails's character being further butchered while Amy and Knuckles are glorified extras. How can I even have the least faith in them when their track record speaks so loud and clear? Only way the next game will give this characters the care they deserve is if the story is writen by either Ian Flynn or Tyson Hesse. They're the only ones that deliver what Pontac, that other guy and Sonic Team themselves failed to do.

[starkerparkerpony]

You're so very precious my little darling Pt.1

This was supposed to be my first attempt at writing smut but my prudish tendencies are incapable of doing it without proper build up.

Relevant info- aged up starker, peter is 28, tony is 46. This is mostly just light flirting and some coarse language. 1st of 3 parts. This is Tony and Peter's first meeting, Thanos has already been dealt with, Tony doesn't know that Peter is Spiderman... yet.

Do tell if you would like to be tagged in future updates.

Tony first met the smug little prick who ran 'park.er' at TechCrunch. He had these ridiculous brown curls that looked entirely way too soft, obnoxiously brown eyes that were way too big and a devastatingly disarming smile... with dimples. It was all too much and Tony didn't care for the way everyone seemed to be swooning at him at all.

They were on the same panel, discussing their respective new smartphones which were being lauded as "innovative & groundbreaking". Tony had questions about whether this inexperienced newbie's product was at the same level as his, but he actually respected the work the kid had managed to get done in the varied fields of genetics, textiles and adhesives (of all things) so he kept his silence.

"Starkfone is technically the first time that Stark tech is being retailed directly to the general public and there has been some criticism about the prices, or rather how high they are, what do you have to say for yourself Tony?" the moderator guy asked.

"Well, what has to be kept in mind is that unlike some other smartphone brands, we are manufacturing within these great United States of America because if I'm going to conquer the market then I'll bring the jobs too" Tony winked at the audience as they applauded "So yeah, prices are a bit higher but no one can deny that you get more bang for your buck. Especially when the Stark name is involved."

Tony had actually fought tooth and nail to get the prices lowered and they would be in the future, but yeah, besides the intelli-crops this was the first time that the general public was the customers rather than the government or other companies, they still had some stuff to figure out but Tony gave the audience his signature smirk and they cheered for him anyway.

Parker just looked on in amusement.

"Peter you're manufacturing the Gizmo in the US too right? Yet your product is 30% cheaper... How'd you pull that off?" The moderator asked the kid.

"Ah... after having spent like ten minutes in Mr. Stark's company, I'm coming to the realization that maybe my low pricing is a result of my low self esteem." The boy chuckled, the crowd laughed with him. Tony played along and shrugged.

"No but seriously... I have absolutely no problem being the Android to Mr. Stark's Apple" The kid grinned cheekily at the crowd and the audience ate it up. He definitely knew what he was doing.

And Tony hadn't missed the fact that the kid compared his tech to Apple.

"Are you calling my tech a vanity product kid?" Tony challenged, playful smile firmly in place.

The crowd went "Ooooohhhh" anyway.

"Oh no, I'm sure it's a great phone Mr. Stark! I just have no way of knowing for certain, you know... cuz' even I can't afford it" The kid shrugged smugly as he got another huge laugh from the audience.

******************************************************

Tony rarely had a quiet moment at events like this but he had managed to get away to an empty corner for a breather and was distracted by his phone when he felt a hand gently rest at the small of his back.

The Parker kid came around to stand in front of him, he was almost a head taller than Tony now that he was close up. The boy had moved his hand but Tony could still feel the tingles from the initial touch.

Trouble.

"Mr. Stark I hope I didn't offend you earlier... I was very nervous, this is my first time here and my friend Michelle told me that compared to you, I have the 'personality of a wet sock'. So, I guess I was just trying to make a good first impression" the kid caught himself from babbling more and it pissed Tony off, how sincere he sounded.

What also pissed Tony off was the fact that the boy wasn't just taller than Tony but also very muscular too, a twunk if there ever was one.

He was definitely only pissed at him and not attracted to him at all.

"Don't worry about it Parker I can take it... you did good today, great first impression, consider me blown away" Tony assured him with a friendly smile "And please call me Tony."

"Only if you call me Peter."

"You got it Pete." He said, trying to irritate the boy a little but didn't get much other than a little eye twitch.

"Was I interrupting something?" Peter asked

"Nope, I was just replying to some texts."

"Well, if you're free, I'd love to pick your brains about this AI project I've been working on and maybe buy you dinner?" Those eyes and dimples were in full effect, sincerety shining through... so Tony had a hard time saying no to the kid.

He definitely didn't just wanna spend time with an attractive, intelligent man... Tony was being generous and helping out the not-so-little guy.

By the end of the of the evening, filled with charming and intelligent conversation, he had to concede that the Parker kid wasn't all that bad.

******************************************************

The second time Tony met Peter Parker was almost three months later and he was at a low point.

Bruce and Rhodey were away at work, Happy was with Pepper and Pepper was... married.

And even though things were better after the Thanos episode, they weren't all that good.

And Tony was spiralling... rather publicly.

It's just that it had been a while since he his last encounter with alcohol and so the open bar at the Mayor's gala hit him like a truck. All while being surrounded by cameras and reporters.

Tony was about to respond to the asshole who kept asking him about Steve when he felt a hand rest at the small of his back and deftly start to guide him away from the bar and the cameras.

"Long time no see little darling" Peter Parker was looking down on him with those eyes and that face... God he's obnoxiously good looking.

Speaking of obnoxious "Did you just call me little darling?" asked Tony, justifiably indignant.

"Wow you really are drunk" Parker chuckled.

God has his voice always been this deep and husky...?

"That's not what I asked" Tony insisted

"Did you want me to call you little darling?" asked Peter, eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Ugh- Where are you taking me by the way?" He's definitely still just as irritating as last time.

"Home"

Huh... hooking up with a business rival was not what Tony had planned for the evening but it was better than being miserable and alone, which was in fact the plan, so he went along with it.

Parker stopped by a Burger King drive through on the way which only made him all the more attractive to him.

They were awkward in the elevator of the Stark Tower and the boy still hadn't made a move which was a little weird.

What wasn't weird was Parkers arm casually draped around his waist.

Once they were in his quarters living room area and Peter seemed like he was starting to leave, it became evident to Tony that the kid had literally just meant dropping him home.

He was a little disappointed but he wasn't gonna say anything... until Parker opened his smart mouth.

"Well, I'll see you around little darling" He snickered

And Tony had intended to just give him a light shove, but the back of Parker's knee hit the couch and Tony stumbled too and somehow they ended up with Peter on the couch and Tony in his lap, straddling him.

"Gotta' say... when I imagined Iron Man making a move on me, I expected something a little more advanced than the 'stumble straddle'" the kid was playing it cool but Tony could see his blush.

So he responded with "You imagined me making a move on you?"

"Oh repeatedly... it has been my favorite fantasy since I was like 15" The kid had the gall to wink at him.

"Well sorry for letting you down kid... now are you gonna fuck me or not?" There was a corner of Tony's mind that was worried that he was coming off too desperate but Parker was hot and Tony was drunk and horny so he couldn't care less about appearances.

"Your ability to call me a kid and then ask me to fuck you in the same sentence would be worrying if I wasn't almost thirty... speaking of fucking you, that was my initial plan but you're drunk and I don't wanna take advantage of my little darling..." Peter was letting him down but he had a very fond smile on his face... it made Tony all warm inside. The pet name was growing on him too... uh oh.

What was also contributing to his warmth were Peter's, rather large, hands. Resting on his waist and thigh.

"Maybe I want you to take advantage of me..."

"Oh there's no 'maybe' about it... you have a semi just by sitting on my lap, this is as embarrassing for you as it is flattering for me..."

God he was a smug little prick, Tony loved it.

~To be continued~

[veridium]

dirty little secret

WOAH BOY. I did not expect such a quick turn around, but when you’re writing sweet, sweet friendship, shit happens. thanks to @bitchesofostwick and her fabulous writing that got my gears going.

I have been wanting to use an all-american-rejects ref as a title since we started and now, here I am!

on this episode...Olivia awakens to find Ellinor wearing a strange fleece (HM??). BUT, that is not the only incident that surprises her, as a message left on her door gives her cause for concern. 

part 1 // part 2 // part 3 // part 4 // part 5 // part 6 // part 7 // part 8 // part 9 // part 10 // part 11 

--

Her cell phone alarm goes off as it always does on wednesday: 7:30, just enough time to get her shit together before her 10am lecture. However, as she revisits the text she got the night before from Ellinor, it also becomes a beautiful morning for hearing all about her “group project meeting.” Luckily she doesn’t have to travel far, or bother with pants. Wearing an over-sized, old All-American Rejects tour shirt she thrifted a year ago, she fits the bill when lastly she slips on her pink fuzzy slippers -- the only items of her wardrobe she would accept in such a color. She then wanders a few doors down to Ellinor’s and Sera’s room. Sera is gone for a few days on some road trip to one of her many hair-brained destinations, so Olivia has no minced feelings about knocking loudly.

Knock, knock, knock. Nothing.

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. Nothing again.

“Knock, knock, bitch, get up! We need coffee!”

The door rips open, and a face with slight drool on the corner of her mouth and hair tousled over her eyes appears. But, it’s not her expression that Olivia’s eyes fixate on like a moth to a fleece flame.

A Knight athletic fleece, the expensive one.

“Good morning sunsh--shit, is that…”

Ellinor jerks her chin down, suddenly coherent. Her brow furrows and she whirls around to retreat back into her lair, mumbling things while she lazily swings the door shut. Olivia, of course, slaps her hand on it and waves it open with gusto.

“Ellinor Trev--”

“NO.”

“Is he in here?!” she skips in, looking around in all corners and nooks as if Cullen is compactible like a lawn chair or something. “Oh, God dammit, I never catch your lovers! No fair!”

Ellinor crawls back under her covers and pulls them up over her head. Interestingly, she does not forsake the fleece sweatshirt that has seemed to magically exist out of nowhere.

“Is that his…”

“Mmph.”

“So it IS. You’re a filthy liar! You said you didn’t do anything in your text, I got receipts!” Olivia promptly hops onto the lower side of the twin mattress, curling her legs up under her sideways.

“I didn’t do anything. I meant it. I just...this...it was cold, okay! Why does everyone think I am magically not cold susceptible? I have questionable circulation…” she half-whines the last part, before squirming into her pillow some more like a burrowing naked mole rat.

Olivia hums, not convinced. “You got some explaining to do, and this calls for extra strong coffee. And scones. I want every detail. I’m gonna throw on some sweats or something, I won’t be long.” The casual mood she has yesterday with Cassandra has carried over through a full night’s sleep, and Olivia feels all the pomp and makeup of her typical routine to be unnecessary for once. She swats on the bump in the comforter she suspects is Ellinor’s ass before hopping back onto her feet and out into the hallway. She’ll be back to wrangle her soon enough out of the depths of her ironic despair.

Scooting her poof-slippered feet out into the hall she spots her door half-shut. Only, it’s not her door -- not the way she remembers it, anyhow. There’s...papers? Taped on it just above the doorknob. Posted notes and event reminders aren’t exactly unheard of in dorm halls, but as she walks she scans the other shut and locked doors -- nothing. Just hers has stuff on it.

When she arrives she yanks off the posted paper and notices some hastily copy/pasted clipart of some crosses mounted on a hillside. Her stomach churns as she reads the message. It’s a pamphlet-esque flyer asking the reader if their soul has been saved, and if not, resources in order to accomplish that. On the back there’s a scripture excerpt as the header, and then a list of every Church in the city limits with their contact information and addresses. It has the design skills of a 4th grader who’s project is due the morning after and all they have to use is Microsoft Word 2003.

And on the very bottom, handwritten for that special touch: “For the Slut in 21C.”

She looks both ways down the end of the hall and sees no one lurking, though the hair on the back of her neck stands up. The faces of those Church preps that pouted at her when she was on Cassandra’s bike pop into her head. Oh, it would be an interesting coffee sesh indeed.

--

What had originally been intentions to come outside casual and no muss, no fuss, turned into a black knit oversized sweater dress, thigh-high black velvet boot stilettos, and loose curls with a full face of sharp makeup. She looks like an insta model out in the light of day instead of in her cardboard box, but it is better this way: people don’t fuck with her.

They get their coffee downtown and walk out onto the sidewalk. She has class in 30 minutes, anyway. Ellinor is holding the flyer in her hand, though it’s bent outta shape from Olivia’s wrath.

“I don’t know, Liv. It is kind of concerning that they know where your dorm is. Isn’t that a hate crime if it’s targeting a member of a targeted group?”

“Biphobia getting treated as biphobia instead of ‘free speech’ discussing sexual behavior that both straights and gays sneer at? In this economy?” Olivia slips her own shades on and shoves the forsaken paper into her bag. “And besides, my dorm is easy to find out. All they’d need is one person to see me walking in, or one person who lives in the same hall as me.”

Ellinor slurps her hot matcha latte and hands it over to her, before pulling her aviator shades down from atop her head of a loose braid crown. She slides her arm through the second shoulder strap of her backpack.

Olivia is steeping. On the surface she looks straight up pissed, which is intentional. But deep down she’s nervous. This was more than she signed up for.

“What are you going to do then? It’s obvious this has to do with you hanging out with her. This is bullshit. if I was there when those punks came into the dorm, I would have shoved my timbs so far up their pastey Jesus mayo asses that….that...gah! Just really far, okay?” Ellinor grumbles and sips as they near the corner. She hasn’t had enough caffeine yet. 

Olivia veers to the left and punches the crosswalk button. She reaches into her back searching for her keys as she spots her black mini cooper parked on the curb a block from them.

“I don’t know what the fuck to do! I feel like I’ve become this Scarlet Letter for something I haven’t even done. It’d be different if we had actually, like...did stuff. But she is so prim and…” the crosswalk signals walk, and they push onward. “She goes from this super interested and focused person to hands-off and out the door faster than I can get my eyeliner wings to match.”

Olivia walks faster as Ellinor hones in on the passenger door facing the curb. “Woah that’s...that’s pretty fast.”

“You think?” Olivia faces her over the car hood as she hits the car alarm button, making the headlights flash. She unlocks fast and eyes both ends of the street for surveilling gazes before sliding in.

“At least with Cullen...” Olivia tries to keep her conversation going while settling in, tossing her bag over her head. She slides her key into the ignition and checks her mirror. Ellinor slides her drink into the center console and pulls her seat belt. She’ll need it -- Olivia has a love of driving, and that love translates into speed and mastery of a stick shift.

“At least with Cullen, what?” Ellinor replies, dreading it already.

Olivia bites her lip and eyes her. “You know...at least…” she slumps forward against her steering wheel. “At least you know what his intentions are...I mean, were, for you. He was pursuing you. He wanted to do...to do things with you.” Her tone has gotten less spirited and more melancholy. Enough for Ellinor’s initial defensive pouty face to melt into sympathy. Though, Olivia worries if it’s less sympathy and more soreness at being reminded of what she tossed up.

Dammit, Liv, she thinks to herself. Ellinor isn’t as tough as she plays.

“Well...I think she really does like you,” Ellinor comforts after a pause, her gregarious personality trying its best to rally.

Olivia twists the key to start. The engine grinds and then starts with ease, and she clutches the stick shift with her manicured hand covered in black, dramatic rings on almost every finger.

“I know she likes me. What I meant was, like...you know.”

“You said she asked if she had another...didn’t she call it a ‘shot’ or something?”

“Yeah, but, I don’t--”

“Liv, I don’t know anyone who would ask if they could be friends with someone by asking if they had another shot. Remember how we met?”

Olivia looks at her windshield and snorts. “Yeah. You asked if I had time to talk about our Lord and Savior Gerard Way at a freshman ice cream social of all fucking places. Then I sat on my retainer.”

“Hah,” Ellinor sits back, elbow on the door. “Exactly. Not ‘Do I have a shot?’”

Ellinor, in her particular brand of eloquence, has a point. Cassandra is one of the most intentional people Olivia has ever met. She doesn’t even sneeze out of line. And she doesn’t strike Olivia as the kind of person to sit idle while the things and the people she wants float on by. But, there’s something still hanging her up on it all. An unspeakable hesitancy that comes from having one foot in and one foot out the door.

“I just wish she like...did the thing.”

“Thing? What thing?”

Olivia pulls the car into gear and puts her hands on the wheel, staring out her side mirror for oncoming traffic. “You know, like, there’s a thing queer people do when they want to drop their queerness on the radar. Say you loved the new Hayley Kiyoko single, or...shit, like, you went to Pride last summer and had a blast. Something.”

“Cassandra Pentaghast at Pride? Even if she’s 1/24th lady-lover, dude, I doubt she’d be down.”

“Yeah because that’s how it works, Ellinor,” Olivia chuckles and pulls into the lane, clutches and shifts into gear again as she accelerates. “It’s just like...okay, you know what I mean. Something. Just a little tidbit. Like...letting me go home with a fleece sweatshirt.”

She only has to side-eye her once to see Ellinor’s cheeks go deep with blush, her lips rolling shut.

Olivia raises a brow and adjusts her large, round black sunglasses. “Mhm.”

“Look, I said what I said. It was cold.”

“Fine, fine. I’m only holding off on hounding you ‘cause I know you have to see him again. I can almost see his face watching you leave with it. Ugh, good shit.”

Ellinor slaps her on the arm before grabbing her drink. “It wasn’t like that, dammit.”

“Not when you were looking it wasn’t,” Olivia continues to tease in that sultry tone. “But…’as she walked off, her figure becoming shapeless in the dark and only traceable by lamp light, I knew that she took a piece of my with her...a piece, of fleece…’”

“GOD you are HORRIBLE!” Ellinor’s laugh gets louder the longer Olivia does her act. The ‘poetry recitation’ voice Olivia does is too good, too pure even in its mortification. She laughs, too, as they turn onto the boulevard which will take them directly to campus.

“You talk a good story for a cynic,” Ellinor settles down, resting her knee against the door. The woman can’t sit right in any chair to save her life.

Olivia smirks as she turns her signal on, the car arriving at the light before the campus entrance. “My Mom had those movies on all day when I was a kid, okay. I internalized that trash in between Blue’s Clues episodes.”

“Ugh, I forgot, my bad.”

They pull in and drive past all the pretty red brick building tops, and people walking with backpacks on the sidewalks or running with shorts and tanks on. Olivia notices a jogger weaving through the pairings of people walking to class and she remembers the way Cassandra looked on the soccer fields, back when she was just a tall, dark, and beautiful stranger she could pretend was all these things. Never could she have foreseen this all unfolding, but a part of her misses when it was all a mystery. When it was a mystery, she could believe that Cassandra was for sure into girls. Now, she is attached to finding out the truth, and the truth might not be so kind.

They pull up into one of the Blue parking lots and by some miracle, someone is pulling out in time for her to snag the spot. She turns in and puts it into park.

“Tits up, girl,” Ellinor sighs, grabbing for her things as Olivia turns the key back, the engine going quiet. They both adjust their bras on cue at her word.

“You’re hiding that fleece in your backpack, aren’t you?” Olivia eyes the bag, a little swollen in shape.

Ellinor glares at her. “No.”

“Ellinor,” Olivia giggles, as she pulls her drink up out of the cupholder. “You don’t want to give it back. Admit it.”

“I admit…!” she looks away for a moment and composes herself. “I...am not the owner of this garment, and I will not be keeping it. It was borrowed. I said I would give it to him during class.”

“Mhmm,” Olivia hums again, reaching for the door. Before she does, though, Ellinor is not done with her side of questioning.

“You gonna tell her what happened?”

“Why should I? What is she gonna do, challenge all the preps to a duel on quad? It’s not gonna change anything. Don’t tell Cullen, either. I’m gonna...handle it. It’ll be fine.”

Ellinor rolls her eyes. “Look, I’m not any of your horoscope apps, but the Cassandra I saw last night staring down a guy stick up for someone she barely knows, seems like the kind of person who’d like to know if people are messing with her girl.”

The phrase ‘her girl’ makes Olivia’s stomach erupt into butterflies, and she blushes and looks away towards her window. Thank goodness for giant sunglasses.

“This isn’t High School. I’m not ‘her girl,’ I’m her friend. And a friend who could quickly turn out to be more work than she wanted to deal with when she realizes all her peers want to burn her at the stake.”

“Over my dead body,” Ellinor says, before grabbing Olivia on her forearm as she tries to get out for the car. “Hey, I mean it. If it’s not Cass, it’s me grabbing a crowbar, alright? Just say when and where to aim.”

Olivia looks back at her and her lower lip curdles. “Aw, Ellinor…” she tilts her head, “you do have affectionate emotions….?”

Ellinor quickly scoffs and pushes her. Back to normal in an instant. They get out, and Olivia locks the door. Slinging her bag on her shoulder she looks around again, slightly paranoid despite her cool exterior. No pastel polo shirts and no french braid pigtails. No woman in a black long-sleeve with pants and a pixie cut. For once, she’s relieved on both fronts, and walks with Ellinor down the way towards their respective lecture halls.

On the way, OIivia elbows her in the shoulder, a sly smile on her black lips. “Thanks, babe.”

--

Later that day --

-- Hey, you didn’t say whether you’d come with to the gala next weekend. I need confirmation!!

-- Ellinor: I can, but I’m not going to! You already have someone who can go!

-- That is the opposite of what I have! I’m not inviting her. Ughhh don’t do this to me I’ll cry.

-- Ellinor: [Kim Kardashian Tragic GIF]

-- You’re the worst. How did Cullen act when you gave back the sweater?

✓ READ AT 4:12PM

If she weren’t in the library, she would have screeched like a harpie. As it was, she was not in the place or the time to do so, so her catharsis would have to wait. She shoved her phone in her bra and goes back to collecting her arms worth of books. They aren’t for her this time -- a Professor she’s TA-ing for wanted to scan and make copies of chapters for students, and asked her to do it while they...well, do Professor things.

Such as TA’s did, and Liv being a TA as a third year undergrad was an esteemed vote of confidence she did not shirk.

She comes around the aisle she’s in and decides to cut through to the stairwell. She’s down two floors from the ground level where the checkout desk is, a level that separates the boys from the men in terms of archival dedication. She balances the six or so books of varying densities, wondering how close they are to weighing the same as her.

Around another corner and she comes upon a cluster of single-seat study desks -- you know, the kind that only libraries have, with soft wood and worn out, grey-blue upholstery. A couple heads bob up from their stationed spots at them and she pays them no mind. That is, until she sees a blonde head. Blonde, wavy head.

“C...Cullen?” she says, and is promptly shh’d by someone else. Cullen himself looks up from his desk and laptop, and grins.

“Oliv--” another shh, and he gives them a pointed stare of come on man, before pushing his chair back. “How you been?”

She bobs from foot to foot carrying the stack in both her hands. “Uh, good! Good, just, doing some TA work.”

“Oh, nice. Cassandra mentioned you TA for Professor...uh, their name esca--”

“Erickson. Professor Erickson,” she smiles. “Just for the intro to political and economic theory classes. It’s not a big thing.”  It was and is a big deal. The Political Science department has a huge group of grad students who could TA or assist courses, and they often do. Taking in an undergrad for a TA position meant that undergrad could do the work they did with Bachelor’s degrees, and sometimes even Master’s degrees, under their belt. Her parents didn’t stop talking about it like that for a month after she was invited by Erickson to fill the position. Though, they made it more pompous-sounding than she would have liked.

“Yeah, well, I don’t know. Cassandra is the only other undergrad I know who TA’s.”

“She...she TA’s?”

He looks at her and his brows go together. In a sort of, ‘yeah, of course’ kind of way. Like she was supposed to know that.

“Uh, yeah! In Philosophy, I think.” Figures. The woman breathes and spews philosophy and english lit fervor like Shakespeare has used her for a horcrux. It’s...annoying. And...wonderful.

“Ah, yeah, I think she mentioned that,” she lies, and tucks hair behind her ear while balancing the stack nervously in the other arm.

“You uh, you need help with that?” he gestures to get up, but she shakes her head vehemently.

“No, no,” she replies, smiling again. “It’s fine. I need the conditioning for dance, anyways. How is your group project going?”

He grins and looks back to his desk, blinking fast. He shouldn’t have to say, she already knows. But, it’s the kindness that counts. “Oh, yeah, it’s going good. Group projects, you know. They...they are what they are.”

“Yeah, but, at least it’s with Ellinor right? It’s always better with…” she catches herself, bits her smiling lip, and looks away too. Damn, didn’t think that one through.

“It’s better with people you know, right, I gotcha,” he finishes and puts her out of her misery. He’s a good guy -- he doesn’t let anyone hang out on a limb by themselves, even if he’s a bit awkward in his solidarity. It’s easy being in his presence despite the underlying melancholy.

“Yeah, right! Sorry, my head is fried from today. Look, don’t be a stranger. Come by anytime.” she sounds like she has a house with a picket fence and not a hole-in-the-wall dorm room. The olive branch didn’t fit the ecosystem.

He smiles crookedly and nods. “For sure. Yeah. You have a safe walk back with those books.”

“Oh you know, what’s a fall down some stairs?”

He chuckles and waves his hand casually. “Whatever you say.”

She waves back and sees herself off. A couple yards away from him and she spots the staircase, she reaches in her shoulder bag while keeping her eyes on the sign that says “TO LEVEL B,” feeling for her phone and attached headphones. The papers and pack of gum get shoved in and out, and the smooth plastic of her case finally turns up. She yanks it out before the stack of books in her hand fall apart. The sound and sensation of something falling behind her to the ground pries at the back of her head, but she ignores it -- the books are heavy, and the stairs are gonna be a pain in the ass, and that pain will pale in comparison to copying individual chapters 40 copies each.

She reaches the checkout desk after a grueling journey up two flights and through another plethora of shelf rows. While catching her breath against the desk, she checks her phone. A new message sent 15 minutes prior.

Cassandra: Hey. I’m going to be grading practice midterms Friday afternoon at my TA office in Henderson Hall. I thought maybe you would have a similar workload? Want to keep each other company?

Keep each other company. How sexy. Had she said she TA’d, and Olivia just never caught that detail? That would have been something she’d remember. Oh, wait, they were talking about course-loads at one point during a walk to classes...oh, shit, that was the day Cassandra wore a blazer and took it off as she was walking and was so smooth while doing so and...and...oh. God, Olivia is too bisexual to function.

She looks up and scans the room, her gaze out of focus while she thinks. No, she has no reason to! She can deny her this once, what, does she come at her beck and call now? She has no work to do anyw--

Her email ding goes off. It’s Professor Erickson:

Hi Olivia,

My mother is in the hospital and we are heading out of town to see her. I know it’s short notice, but could you grade the stack of bibliographies in my inbox before Monday and hand them out on that day’s class? I promised the students. Just markup for Chicago style and make sure they have the 3 required sources and 2 outside, and nothing looks iffy. I’m going to cancel Friday’s class.

I might be out until middle of next week. Monday is just a hand-back day, so don’t worry about keeping them entertained after they get their work. Play a movie, maybe. Nothing too radically bootlegged, please.

Don’t worry about the chapter copies. Those aren’t needed until next Wednesday, and if you can’t get to them I will finish what you don’t. Good job today by the way explaining to that one student the difference between socialism and democratic-socialism. You are getting more concise!

Thanks!

E

Sent from my Iphone

Professors. The nerve. They emailed on phones even when it was a long-ass message, and yet threw fits when students didn’t title their emails with anything less than an oath to name their firstborn child after them. Erickson wasn’t that bad, though. A fun guy -- a bit too into loafers -- but a fun guy, and amazing Professor. And she was getting paid, which helped.

She rolls her eyes closed and groans so deep the poor library work study student flinches. She looks at them apologetically before turning her attention back to her phone.

-- Hey. Sure, but I can’t stay very long. What time?

Cassandra: Cool, no worries. Say around 6?

-- Yeah, that works. Henderson is that long building by bio sciences, right?

Cassandra: Actually, it’s the one to the left of quad. Big archway entrance. I’ll be at my desk in 10E.

Olivia sighs. Great, a big building on quad. In front of everyone. Open season continues for her. 6:00pm on a Friday? Why that time? Surely if they were exams they were not going to be handed back over the weekend. Did Cassandra have a life that wasn’t work, sport, and more work?

-- Right, I forgot. Whoops. Okay, see you then!

Cassandra: Awesome. See you. 

Cassandra: Oh, also -- this song came up on my shuffle. It’s an old one, but it’s Adele. I would appreciate if you listened to it. I think you’d like it.

Another chance for a ‘sign’ thwarted. As promised, she sends the link to a song and it is, in fact, Adele. Adele. Olivia pouts to herself. Adele is a beautiful singer, but her songs tend to sound the same to her sometimes. One of those ‘you listen to one, you listen to them all,’ kinda deals. The song is entitled “Water Under The Bridge.” Olivia had hoped it would at least be one of the romantic ones, but it hardly sounds like a profession of love or crushing. Her frustration continues to grow in her mind, and she clicks her phone to lock. 

“Alright, Ma’am, that’s it! They’re due back October 7th!” The woman on the other side of the table shoves the plastic bag of books. What a blessing to have them in a bag. She smiles, says thanks, and heads out the door into the open air of dusk. As she walks back to Jefferson Hall a few minutes away, she can’t help but look over her shoulder ever so often, hand clutching her keys in her bag. But, no one approaches or even appears, and as she gets in the door to her own academic building, it feels like it’s all in her head.

It’ll blow over. No big deal. Just have to pretend it doesn’t bother me.

She gets into the elevator and hits the #3. Thankfully, she, too, has an office to hull up in.

[current-mcr-news]

Casual Interactions #2: Full Transcription

Frank: I don't know if this is true but like, usual beverages, I'm fine with. If I drink red bull, even just a can of it, I have to urinate way more until I've dispersed the can.

John: It's like the same color in, same color out.

F: Well yeah, but also it's just like fishes and loaves. Like, I drink one can and I have liters of piss. Like, what the fuck?! How's that possible?

J: It really does all come back to you just really wanting to be an altar boy, doesn't it?

F: I guess, yeah. I feel like a lot of my personality and my demeanor is based on guilt that I received from the Catholic church as a young child.

J: So, welcome to episode number 2 of the Casual Interactions podcast. I'm John "Hambone" McGuire and joined with me as always is Frank Iero and Shaun Simon. How are you guys doing today?

Shaun: Hey, man.

F: Feeling good. Feeling handsome today.

S: Feeling handsome.

J: It never stops. You've always been handsome.

F: Aww! You son of a bitch!

J: Love you. Always have! So, we're going to continue with our origin story. So, this is Origin Story Part 2: Electric Boogaloo.

F: Mhm!

J: It's like The Exorcist with more breakdancing and jazz hands! So last episode we talked about starting the band up, how the band started up. We talked a little bit about touring. Why don't we bring it back to that. Let's talk about when we started, we had a rehearsal space.

F: Yes! Yes, a lockout, if you will.

J: It was a lockout.

F: I feel like when we first started playing together, it was my mother's basement.

J: Right. Now, his mom's basement was awesome and it was wall to wall carpet. When you hear "wall to wall carpet," you think, "Oh, it just goes from wall to wall with no hardwood floor space." No, there was actually carpet on the wall and ceiling.

F: Ceiling to wall, to ceiling to wall, to carpet, to floor, to door.

J: It was like being in a cube of shag carpet.

F: Ugh! Yeah, that didn't help at all.

J: Didn't soundproof at all!

F: It didn't soundproof anything, it didn't make you feel warm. It was just- you didn't wanna touch anything, it was just gross.

J: Yeah, you definitely didn't wanna walk around barefoot in there.

F: No! Ultimately, it was a basement.

J: It was.

F: You know? A moist, shag basement.

J: Right.

F: Yeah.

J: And you were living down there for a little bit. Like, that was your bedroom.

F: I was! Yes! I ended up getting allocated to the basement.

J: Yeah.

F: It was good though. It provided a separate living space and exit, and a place for me to smoke cigarettes in my room. That was pretty excellent, I loved that.

J: Yeah. Everyone's like, "Oh man, what would it be like to be a teenager, but a cool basement apartment?" It was never cool down there.

F: No!

J: It was just sticky. It was always sticky.

F: Yeah! Yep, balmy, I think was the word! It was pretty balmy.

J: And there was 5 of us in there at one point, with all our gear. So you had your bed in the corner, and you had all the musical instruments.

F: Yes.

J: Now when we were in high school, my bedroom was the band's rehearsal space.

F: That's right, that was the first one! Oh my god, yeah! Do you remember why we had to stop there?

J: Why did we have to stop?

F: Because your mom would come in and yell at us for not wearing ear plugs.

J: Yeah.

F: But you had like a full PA, it was crazy!

S: In your bedroom at your house in Clifton?

F: Yes!

J: My bedroom in my house in Clifton, my childhood home that I grew up in, my bedroom was over the garage. And I pushed all the furniture over to like, one wall, and on my dresser I stacked PA speakers and the PA. I had my bed kind of right by the door because it was the only safe way to get in and out of the room, because on the other side of the bed was a drum kit. There was a half stack, there was a bass amp.

S: Oh my god!

F: It was like an episode of Hoarders.

J: It was like an episode of Hoarders!

F: Like, "Well, I sleep on top of the PA!"

J: Yeah, it was dangerous. I mean, I literally- I'd literally have to like, ninja roll out of my bed to the right to make it out the door to go to the bathroom at night.

F: Also, I don't feel like anybody put their shit away.

J: No.

F: Like, it was just cables and pedals everywhere.

J: I had to get a tetanus shot once because someone left like, their leftover guitar string snippings when they changed their strings.

S: Oh, man.

J: It was cool though because my mother is a wonderful woman.

F: No, she's fantastic.

J: One special lady in her age bracket. And she was so concerned that we were gonna go deaf. Like, every time we'd play, she'd come in and she'd give us this impassioned plea to wear ear plugs. Meanwhile, my dad loved having the band at the house. He loved that there was music. My dad raised me with music, he loves music. So every time my mom would be up there like, kind of tearfully imploring us to put ear plugs in, my dad would be out on the grill and he'd be grilling us like- this is before you became vegetarian- he'd be making like, hot dogs and hamburgers. So we were always a very well fed band.

F: Oh, yes! Yes.

J: And then he would drive us to the gigs in his pickup truck. Thank god it never rained during any of those shows, but yeah. He put a tarp over our gear, drove us down to Newark, and we played those like, Spanish halls. It was a lot of fun.

F: That was fun.

J: Eventually, my mom wanted us to not play in the house because she's like, "If you're not gonna wear ear plugs, you can't practice here anymore!" So we went to Frank's house.

F: Ultimatum.

J: She did give us an ultimatum.

F: My mom didn't give a shit! But yeah, and again though, well fed. I think we would practice on Wednesdays and there was a pizza place nearby that had like, a special.

J: Or your mom would make lasagna.

F: Oh boy!

J: Yeah. We were such a chubby little band. Little stick arms and little stick legs, but man, we were loaded to the gills with lasagna and like, homemade garlic bread at all times.

F: Yes, at all times.

J: So there was 5 of us in the basement. It was myself, Shaun, Frank, our friend Neil, our friend Tim, and all our gear, and Frank's bed just jammed into the corner.

F: There ya go.

J: And we practiced for 8, 10 hours a day sometimes.

F: Yeah!

J: Before we eventually got the studio. We'd only-

F: It's weird that we didn't get better! I mean like, we got good but we didn't get real good. We just got good and fat.

J: Yeah, we got good and fat. What also didn't help though, in the summer it would get so hot we'd need to cool the room down a little bit, so we would always go to IHOP.

S: I was gonna say, yeah, we went to IHOP before practice.

J: Because it was inexpensive, and we would like, feast. So we'd get loaded upstairs on lasagna, we'd get loaded at IHOP on pancakes, and we came back and, yeah, it was- we were really well fed.

S: Passed out.

F: These were the days though, where you could go to a diner like, after practice. Go to a diner, order one cup of coffee, drink it all night and smoke cigarettes at the table like, for hours and hours!

J: Absolutely.

F: It was like an episode of like, Larry King or something. Just fucking smoking, drinking coffee for hours, and it would cost you $2.25.

J: Tops! Because it was like a buck for the coffee, and you always tip the waitress! Gotta tip the waitress! And let's not bear the lead here, you could still smoke indoors everywhere!

F: Exactly!

J: Everywhere! Do you know the last night- the last time that Pencey Prep played CBGB's was the night that they banned smoking in New York City?

F: No shit.

J: Yeah, so we-

S: Really? Oh wow.

J: Yeah, it was a big deal. The whole- so there was no one in the club. Like, no one was coming to see Pencey Prep, let's-

F: There were actually a couple of people!

J: A couple of people.

F: And I mean a couple... Four.

J: A couple of people, the bartender, and I think, half the other bands had already left. However, whoever was in the bar- we were smoking onstage, people are smoking at the bar, like, lighting one after the other after the other, because they knew at like, 3 o'clock in the morning when the bar closed, there was no more smoking indoors in New York.

F: Well, that's why Pencey had to quit. Had to stop because Shaun couldn't smoke onstage anymore.

S: That's it!

J: I mean, if you want the real behind the music answer-

F: That's true!

J: It was like, "Well, you can't smoke indoors..."

F: We pretended it was creative differences. It was actually the smoking ban.

J: It was the smoking ban! And honestly, if they ever offered an outdoor festival, we could get back together because Shaun could smoke onstage. You quit though.

F: Yes!

S: Yeah, no cigarettes anymore, man. Yeah.

J: Now you've got nothing holding you back.

F: Meth. He's gonna smoke meth.

S: Now it's meth.

F: "I got this meth pen I keep. Yeah, it's terrible for my teeth, but at least I quit smoking."

J: Jesus. So, we went from one small space to another. So, we eventually outgrew Frank's mom's basement and then we went to a studio in Clifton that was in a warehouse.

F: Yeah.

J: And we got a very very very very small room. It was almost as small as the basement, and a lot less ventilated.

S: Oh, the first one!

J: The first room, yeah.

S: That's right!

F: Eventually, I'm pretty sure they turned that original room that we got-

J: Into a bathroom.

F: Into a bathroom, that's how small it was. It was like a single person bathroom, right?

J: Yeah.

F: But it was a lockout. You could go there 24 hours, it was yours to make as much noise and as loud as you wanted.

J: Absolutely.

F: It was sweaty as fuck. And I also remember, didn't the lights not work for a little while? So we had to keep the door open.

J: Yeah.

F: Do you remember that?

S: Is that true? I don't remember.

J: Yeah, we had a-

F: It may have just been a lightbulb, but no one replaced it!

J: Ok so, no matter how small the room is, the ceiling is really really high!

F: Yeah! Exactly, exactly.

J: So, I forget what it took to finally get one of us to like, borrow a ladder from- I think we borrowed a ladder from my dad.

F: Possibly!

J: We drove it down there, we changed the lightbulb, and that was it.

F:Yeah.

J: We had a Coke machine right next door. They made a lot of money off of us on that Coke machine.

F: Nothing tastes better than like, a cold canned Coke.

J: It was the only thing cold in that entire warehouse.

F: This is true, this is true.

J: So, we were in that room for a while and that's where- we probably wrote half of Heartbreak in Stereo, in your mom's basement. Some of the songs, I had leftover from when I was like, 13-14 years old, and that's why the subject matter- if you listen back to Heartbreak In Stereo, is very like, "Oh, a 14 year old kid with feelings wrote this."

F: There ya go, yeah!

J: Yeah. So then we wrote more of it in your mom's basement. I think we finished it in that small room in that rehearsal place.

F: I would say, yeah. Probably.

J: Yeah. And that's about the time like, we-

F: Well, there- you know what? I actually- I'm getting a flashback. There is an interstitial moment-

J: What's that?

F: Between my mom's basement and us going to hourly rehearsal studios, before the lockout. That was before, I think, a room had opened.

S: Right.

J: Oh, that was Backstage.

F: Right? There was Backstage, and then there was one on like, 1 and 3?

J: Oh, the one on 1 and 9?

F: 1 and 9, rather.

J: It was so hard to get to.

F: Yeah! It was so fucking-

J: It was so hard to get into. Most of us, we went there once. We went to Backstage a bunch of times. Now, Backstage Studios was in Little Falls, New Jersey.

F: Mhm, yep.

J: And I don't think it's there anymore.

F: I believe it's something else now.

J: It's something- I think it's called Smacktone now.

F: Okay.

J: So it was like, if you watch an 80s movie with the heavy metal bands, like this is where they practiced.

F: Oh, definitely.

J: And you know, all the amps were in various states of disrepair, they had pictures of all the bands that practiced there on the wall.

S: Yeah!

F: Mhm.

J: Including a picture of the guy who ran the place's old band, Transcontinental.

F: Oh, wow!

J: Right? And I remember this because like, you'd go in there, your friends would tell you like, "Hey, you know, Backstage is cool to practice at. You definitely wanna check it out. Check it out, it's fine, they're decent rates. They're cool if you cancel at the last second, they're not gonna like, gouge you, but you just ask for The Worm." And, I'm like-

F: The Worm!

J: "The Worm?" And like, "Yeah yeah yeah, just ask for The Worm." And I'm like, "Who- why do they call him The Worm?" Like, "Just ask for The Worm." And so, I remember going there once and I was like, "Hey, can I talk to The Worm?" And the guy got so pissed. Like, I don't even remember what his real name is, and he's like, "Don't call me that! No one calls me The Worm!" And he had like this thick German accent that I'm not going to insult the German people by trying to do that accent. Like, just imagine Hans Gruber yelling at you-

F: Oh Jesus!

J: -about trying to book your hourly rehearsal place. So we finally get there, we're going there for weeks, we're going there for weeks, and our friend Tim is looking at the pictures on the wall, and he sees the band Transcontinental. He's like, "Wow, that guy- oh my god, it's the guy that runs this place!" We all come over, we're all looking over. Now, everyone in this band is wearing like, the tightest like, you got poured into these jeans. And he had this big ol' dick that was just hanging down the side of his leg! You know like, in Police Academy where Steve Guttenberg puts the balloon down his pants? Yeah, except that this was all meat. And I'm like, "Wow, I guess that's why they call him The Worm!"

S: Oh fuck.

J: Yeah, so we didn't practice there too long... So after- What the fuck was that?

F: I have no idea! Did that come out of you?!

J: It wasn't me! Oh shit!

F: [imitates stomach gurgling] Please save that! I don't even care if it makes the- if it doesn't make the podcast! You just have to save it for us!

J: No, it's in there! So, after we learned the secret of The Worm, we ended up at the lockout. And the lockout, we spent a lot of time and we wrote the rest of the record, and we eventually recorded the record which became Heartbreak In Stereo. We went on our one ill-fated tour, and then uh, Neil left the band.

F: Mhm.

S: Wait, but at that practice space. Remember, isn't that when Hambone swallowed and then threw up a goldfish?

F: That was the rehearsal- that was the hourly! At Backstage, and I actually think that that-

J: I forgot that!

F: I think that is online somewhere. I think there's a video of that!

J: Don't Google it.

F: Oh.

J: I just, I'm sure it is. I'm sure it is.

F: I think it's like, the offical video for-

S: The Secret Goldfish.

F: The Secret Goldfish, yeah! That's how she got her name.

J: Holy shit, I completely forgot that I actually did that.

F: Yeah!

J: Why did I do that?

F: You were doing it for- that was your thing!

J: That was a party trick! That was a party trick that I used to do.

F: Yeah! You did it a couple times.

J: Yeah, if you had an aquarium in your house and I came to one of your parties in the late 90s, I'm really sorry!

F: "That's a really cool fish! It'd be cooler if it was inside me."

S: "I'm gonna swallow that fish. Hold on!"

F: "Don't worry, I'll give it back. I'm just gonna borrow it for a second."

J: Jesus Christ, I'm really sorry about that PETA. And anyone who-

F: Goddamn!

J: -who would be upset by this. I don't- I barely remembered that happened.

F: Well, here's the thing! Fish only have a like, memory for what, like 9 seconds or something, right?

S: Yeah, you might as well just swallow them. It doesn't matter.

F: Yeah! All I'm saying is if you hack them back up, like, he's gonna be alright. He's not gonna remember.

S: I don’t think they were alive though, were they?

F: Yes, they were!

S: They were?!

J: They were.

F: Very much so.

S: When you threw them back up?

J: Yeah.

F: Yeah!

S: Oh shit!

J: Oh god.

F: Alright, here's the thing. One, I don't remember how that started.

J: I don't remember. I think it was a dare.

F: I'm sure that- yeah.

J: Or I lost a bet.

F: But why did you think that you could do that? You know what I mean?! Like-

J: I don't remember! I think they uh- Oh! Because I think I was telling a story once how I used to be able to throw up on command to get out of going to school.

F: Yes! Yes, that's true, I remember you being able to do that.

J: Yeah, it was great because any time I needed to get out of school for something or like, you know, the bully was coming around, I'd get out of it.

F: Right.

J: So, yeah, I was pretty good at-

F: Nothing will stop a fight like throwing up on somebody!

J: Seriously, yeah.

F: That's true!

J: But we didn't even escalate it to that point. I would never even have to leave the house. You know?

F: I like that.

J: I was like, sitting around watching Sally Jesse Raphael in my pajamas while everyone's at work, because I was like, "I'm sick, I'm throwing up." It's like, "Well, now I'm gonna go eat this microwave pizza because I'm fine." So yeah, so I did that at Backstage, and then we got to the rehearsal space. When we got the lockout, we took it a little more seriously because we were definitely paying a lot more for it.

F: Yeah.

J: I think we were paying like 500 bucks a month for that like, tiny bathroom that we were practicing in.

F: Were we really?!

J: Yeah.

S: That's a lot!

F: That sounds like a lot, especially at that time!

J: Yeah.

F: I would say- that sounds high to me. But okay. I mean-

J: It was.

F: Yeah, that kinda goes back to like, the original origin story when we were talking about having the means to do this and sacrificing everything in your life. Like, that was truly us to a tee of, like, "Alright, well, I'm gonna not eat. I'll still buy cigarettes, know what I mean? And weed, but I'm gonna make this work so that-"

J: The important stuff!

F: Yeah! So you know, the creative stuff!

J: Creative juices, gets it flowing.

F: "So that I can do this." You know? I think, thank god we had really understanding families as well-

J: We did.

F: -you know, that didn't kick us out on our asses. At least not at that point. You know what I mean? That came later. But like-

J: Yeah, mine too.

F: Hey, at some point, you have to. That's the- Jersey curses a lot of people like, being 40 and being like, "Alright, I guess I have to get an apartment now." Like, a lot of people are still home. I mean, we moved out pretty early.

S: Yeah.

J: Yeah, I got out when I was 25. 24 or 25, and the only reason why, I think, I stayed as long as I did was because I was touring. So it was kind of, my home was a home base for me. So, it was about 500 bucks a month for this small room. We got the opportunity when another band broke up and-

F: Yes!

J: Subsequently, I think, 3 bands broke up in a room down the hall that was like, 2 and a half times the size of our room, broken up into 2 rooms.

S: Yeah.

F: Mhm.

J: Because there was a lounge room and an actual practice room.

F: Yeah. That was like the penthouse of fucking practice spaces.

J: It was like the penthouse, and it was almost- I think it was $1,200 a month.

S: Was it that much?!

J: Oh yeah.

S: Holy shit.

J: Yeah, so, I mean, I was waiting tables and working in bars at the same, so I was putting- I was paying for most of it.

F: Yeah.

J: To keep it afloat so we could keep having a place to practice, because you know, once we moved over to the new place, it was just I Am A Graveyard. And we started trying to share it with some other bands. Now, do you remember the way it was set up? I lived there for a little bit because I had a falling out with my parents.

S: Right.

F: Mhm.

J: Over like, you know, how much money and how much time I was spending in bands, and how I'd dropped out of college like, for the fourth time, and how I needed to find like, some level of responsibility. Where, when you really look at being a musician, being any kind of artist, like, it's a second job if you're taking it seriously. So, if you're putting in whatever hours you gotta put in to make ends- you know, 9-5 or like, graveyard shift, doing whatever you gotta do. And then you have your other job which is a full time job.

F: Oh, definitely.

J: Which, you know, for my parents and a lot of parents in our- in the older generation, they didn't understand that because things were supposed to be a certain way.

F: Mhm.

J: So I was living in the rehearsal studio for a while, and I remember it because the guys next door, their drummer was also living in the rehearsal studio as well, in their room. So we had- he was like my first neighbor. Like, my first apartment, he was my first neighbor. And in the lounge room, we had a TV set up. We had a full stereo, we had a little refrigerator, and we had a microwave.

F: Yes.

J: Now, what was cool was we had a Food Basics that was right in front of where he used to practice. So we were able to got there and I'd like, you know, get like full things of Chef Boyardee and like, little microwave food. So, it was a legit first apartment. And he did the same thing, and you know, knock on your neighbor's door to borrow a cup of sugar. Like, knock knock, "Do you have any Chef Boyardee?" And I'm like, "Yeah man, here's some Ramen, do your thing. Live your truth." Now, the funny thing is about where we were: Now our old room, years later, was turned into a bathroom and I still- I practice there on the regular, and that room is the bathroom that's right by where we practice on our floor. The bathroom where it used to be was on the third floor.

F: Right.

J: Now, the third floor bathroom was a murder bathroom.

F: Yeah, it was.

J: They had a lounge on the third floor with a couch that had- just, it just- covered in jizz. I mean, that couch is just- and we're talking like, jizz from like, three generations of musicians. And-

F: I never wanted to go up- I think we’d-

S: We used to pee in corners.

F: -pee in bottles.

J: We used to pee in like-

S: Oh, yeah, that's-

J: In Burger King cups.

S: I-

F: You just peed in the corner?! Goddamnit!

S: Well, not in our room! In the hallway!

F: Oh right, oh, yeah yeah.

J: No, we pissed in the room too. We did. We pissed in the room, we pissed in the cups, and the Gatorade bottles, and we'd leave them on the windowsill and some days, they'd fall over.

F: Sometimes, it happens.

J: And we almost- the first we almost got evicted was because the people in the warehouse downstairs were complaining because there were cups of falling piss, and they traced it back to our room.

F: It wasn't hard.

J: So, I'm living in the rehearsal studio, I'd have to go to the bathroom. And I'm there late at night, and it is scary there during the day. At night, it had like 3 stalls, and a couple urinals, and it had a shower.

S: Ugh!

F: Yeah.

J: I never used the shower there. I would always sneak back into my parents' house. Because as much as I was taking a stand, I was always sneaking back into their house and using the shower, or like, showering at a friend's house, because like, I thought I was gonna get murdered in this place!

F: Oh yeah, no. That- yeah. I'd rather get murdered than take a shower there.

J: Yeah, so. So bands would live there. They actually established a rule later on that bands are not allowed to have people living there.

F: Yeah.

J: Probably because of me.

F: Wow, yeah. And then also, unfortunately, like years and years later, someone passed away there.

J: Someone did die, yeah. There was a carbon monoxide leak, and unfortunately, someone did pass away there. So, it's- that's what we were up to. We were in that room and I come back one day, and so- There's two rooms. It's the lounge room and there is the main room which is huge. You could fit two bands, two and a half bands comfortably. I come back one day, and Mr. Shaun Simon just decides, "You know what? I don't like this wall here."

F: Yeah!

J: And he just demolished the wall.

F: Sledgehammered it.

S: What?!

F: Yeah! You don't remember this?!

S: No!

F: Oh my god! Alright.

S: Wait, between the two rooms?!

F: Yes!

J: Between the two rooms, yeah!

F: That's why it wasn't there anymore!

J: Yeah.

S: Come on!

F: You took a sledgehammer and knocked it down without telling anybody!

S: I couldn't have been the only one behind that.

F: Yes you were! Well, we- it had been talked about. "Oh, look at how much more space we would have if this wall wasn't here!"

J: And I said, "Don't do it! We'll probably get in so much trouble."

F: "Yeah, we don't own this fucking place!"

J: Now, mind you there is-

F: Also, none of us are knowledgeable enough to know how to do this the right way!

J: So it's in an industrial park, right?

F: Yes.

J: So there's a giant dumpster outside. So I come in one day, and there's all this like, sheet rock and like, wood and shit in the dumpster, and I'm like, "Oh, that's crazy." And then I look up- and I looked at it and I see the sheet rock, and it's painted, and it's this green color. And I was like, "Wow, that's- that looks like our room's green color."

F: "That's a familiar emerald green."

J: "I wonder if other rooms are painted the same way." And then I walked in, and mind you, the- in the lounge area, I had completely wallpapered the walls with different posters and different pictures and stuff like that. So, the lounge had its own atmosphere. Well, no more! Because I come in and all that's left is this power strip that goes down to a four panel electrical socket.

F: Yes, that's now just dangling because-

J: Right in the middle of the room.

S: I didn't do that by myself!

F: Yes you did!

S: Really?!

F: I- Yes! And I'll tell you how I know that you did it.

S: Wait. You weren't there with me?! I was-

F: No! I showed up-

S: Come on!

F: -and you were covered in sheet rock, with goggles on, holding a hammer! A large sledgehammer!

S: Really?!

F: And I was like, "Oh my god!"

S: Because this sounds like something we would've done together.

F: Yeah it does, but we didn't!

S: Fuck!

J: Well, yeah, because I immediately blamed you!

F: I know! And I was like, "I told him this was a bad idea!" I- yeah, none of us were-

S: Wow!

F: Yeah. First off, here's the thing. You're renting a place that is a certain way.

J: Yes.

F: You can't just knock down a wall. Or you shouldn't, at least, without permission. Also, none of us were knowledgeable to do anything like that. Like-

J: Right.

F: I feel like you should have some sort of experience in construction and/or demolition and/or electrical and/or- yeah! Of course.

J: Like, my brother is a contractor now.

F: Yes.

J: Back then, not so much. But I think he probably took woodshop, so he at least would've had a better idea on what to do. So, now we had this completely double wide room.

F: Yeah!

J: And then we started inviting other bands. And so, at one point, in there we had Murder By Death.

F: Yep.

J: We had Thursday, and then eventually- well, The Hostage was there.

F: The Banner.

J: The Banner, and then My Chem.

F: Day at the Fair was there.

J: Day at the Fair was there for like a hot second. They were just kinda passing through. It's crazy though because I did go to Asbury Lanes the other night to see Thursday perform. And they wrote War All The Time in our room.

F: Mhm.

J: You guys wrote Bullets.

F: Yep.

J: In our room. The Banner wrote like, a record in our room as well. So, I mean, everyone put out stuff in that rehearsal space, which I think is pretty cool.

S: And My Chem also shot your first video for Vampires.

F: We did! And Murder by Death did a video.

S: Did they?

J: Yeah.

F: Yeah. Alright, so back into construction.

J: Right.

F: I feel like, once the wall came down, like the Berlin Wall, all bets were off. It was like, "Now we can do anything!"

J: "Now we can do anything."

F: "We're free! We're free to do whatever." And we built a set for that video within the room, and then decided to keep it. Like, we made flooring.

S: Yeah.

F: I remember that was another thing too was, we put down these like, plywood sheets-

J: Right.

F: Then Gerard and I painted all that stuff overnight.

J: Yeah!

F: And got so high from the fumes that it was like, "What are we- I don't even know what we're doing." Like, you know- it was crazy!

J: Well, speaking of Gerard, it's funny because we- he and I one night, I don't even know how it happened, but I think you had paint leftover. So we painted the door.

S: That's right!

J: Not the inside of the door.

F: No, the outside, yeah.

J: We painted the outside of the door to the room black. And I had a stencil of Elvis, so we got white paint, and we got a bunch of other stencils, and we painted the little picture of Elvis on top, and the door itself said, "Who will survive and what will be left of them?"

F: Yep.

J: And that's why Murder By Death named that record that they wrote there Who Will Survive And What Will Be Left Of Them.

F: Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

J: Because at that point, we've already done construction, we're doing whatever the fuck we want in this place.

F: Fuck it, yeah!

J: So many bands had shot their videos there.

F: "Try to kick us out!"

J: Oh, they tried.

F: Yeah.

J: However, do you know what saved us?

F: Umm, love.

J: Uh, no.

F: No, oh, okay.

J: I narced on another band.

F: What?!

J: No, it had to be done.

F: Uh oh.

J: So, there was a guy who was the property manager there.

F: Okay.

J: Right? And you know, you'd run into other bands in the parking lot and people are like, "Man, like, am I crazy or- my knobs on my amp are all like, turned differently." And like, "Yeah, I'm missing like, this piece of my gear. I'm missing this piece of my gear." Like, there was stuff that would go missing, stuff that would be kind of moved around in rooms. Like, people were going in with the dude and messing around with people's gear, and like stealing stuff, and doing whatever.

S: Oh.

F: Oh, wow!

J: Because he had a master key.

F: Right.

J: So, him and his friends used to party up on the third floor on the aforementioned jizz couch, and one night, they wrecked the entire third floor.

F: I remember that!

J: There as a giant stuffed bear. Like the giant stuffed bears they sell at Costco now, that are the size of like, an actual full sized bear.

F: Yes. I have one in that closet and I'm saving it for Christmas.

J: Do you really? Just ripped apart, like, stuffing everywhere. So, we had just been blamed for like, the pee cups, we had been blamed for- they were mad at us for painting the door. All this stuff is going down. So, I just marched right into the office. And I walked in and- also, the rent was coming mostly from me, it was constantly late. So, you know, they're already on us for paying the rent late, so I just march right in the office and I go see the guy, George, who's running the place. And I sit down and he's like, "What do you want?" And I said, "Listen, out of respect for you and out of respect for your establishment, and out of self-preservation, I'm gonna tell you that it wasn't us who wrecked the third floor. Because I know, we've been getting blamed for everything." And he's like, "Well, because you guys do everything." And I was like, "Well, you know, be that what it is-"

F: "Neither here nor there!"

J: "We did not wreck the third floor." "Well, who did?" And I was like, "Well, who do you think wrecked the third floor?" I was like, "Who has a key to everything?" I was like, you know, "Who has access to the place even more than the bands do?" And he got like, real quiet for a second and I was like, "You know, just think about that. Just know, it wasn't us." And he got up, and he says, "Well, that took a lot of integrity for you to march in here like that," and he shook my hand, and he said, "Thank you very much," and we never had a problem again.

F: Hm.

J: So, I didn't actually say who it was, I just, you know-

S: Right.

J: Alluded.

F: Interesting. I'm still not putting the pieces together. I have no idea who did it.

J: Oh, he knew.

F: I think it was Shaun, to be honest!

S: Honestly, it might've been.

F: It might've been!

S: Might've been. I could've- I wouldn't know.

F: Blacked out, tore down a wall, and killed the stuffed bear.

J: Yeah.

S: You would think I was doing a lot of drugs but I never did.

F: No!

J: You didn't.

S: Never.

J: You know, for those listening at home, it was the burnout on the jizz couch with the giant bear.

F: Oh, man.

J: Mystery solved.

F: Mr. Mustard.

J: Yeah, so eventually, you know, we did ultimately leave that studio. Everyone eventually left that studio. For the time and place though, it was pretty hopping. We had a lot of fun there, and we also-

F: I met my wife there.

J: You did meet your wife there.

F: Yeah, first time I ever met her.

J: Isn't that cool?

S: I think I met my wife, too!

F: Yes, probably!

S: I think she showed up in the studio one day.

F: Isn't that weird?

S: That's fucking weird.

J: I wasn't so lucky.

F: Aww.

J: So, we are gonna wrap up this episode and next episode, we're gonna talk a little bit about touring, and a little bit about traveling back in the day, versus what it's like to tour and travel today. Frank, do you have any last thoughts on the studio?

F: Oh geez. Well, one thing that I do not miss, is the death trap of an elevator that you would have to load out of.

S: Oh god.

J: Oh god.

F: That was always- I still have nightmares about it. Here's the thing. It's a freight elevator, that sometimes would run, and sometimes wouldn't run. And you would have to kinda stick your hand into the guts of it and pull a rope to let you go up or down.

J: Right.

F: And there's a sign that like, you know, “easy to read” is questionable, that said like, you're not supposed to ride inside it. But if you didn't, it would send all your gear all the way down to like, this dark basement that was half flooded and full of snakes and bugs and rats and bullshit, and then you would never get your gear again. So, you had to ride in there to actually operate the elevator and make sure it got off at the right floor.

J: Scary.

F: Yeah. It almost was set up as a guillotine, where there was a space open in it and if you had any kind of appendage or a head sticking out, it would cut you off as it fell to the floor. I still have nightmares about that elevator and I'm so glad that I never have to go on that thing again.

J: How about you, Shaun? Any final thoughts on the studio?

S: I remember- because as you were saying that you did pay for most of us- I mean, I didn't have a job at the time. I remember buying you a car.

F: Ah!

J: You did buy me a car!

S: To make up for that-

F: How about that?!

S: At some point.

F: Yes.

J: That was the single greatest gift, I think, anyone has ever given me.

F: Green Hell!

J: Green Hell.

F: Green Hell!

S: And it was like, I remember I bought it, and you and Frank showed up and it was sitting in the parking lot.

F: Yes.

S: Is that what happened?

F: That was incredible.

J: So, Shaun and I got fired from this supermarket reset job that we had, that we're gonna talk about a little more in the next episode, because it does have to do with traveling and how we used to travel back then.

S: Oh, yeah.

J: So, we were driving around. And I was driving the Pencey Prep van around and it was my daily driver car. I sold my car to get the van. Holy shit, was that a bad deal! So, I'm driving the Pencey Prep van around and that's the only motor transportation I had. We drive past this dude's house, and on the street, there is a '69 Ford LTD, murder black with neon green flames. Like, Rat Thing (?) green.

F: Oh, so cool.

J: And I was like, "Oh man, I wish I had a car like that." I'm just like, so tired of driving this van around. Because like, you know, running out and just trying to go to the supermarket, or go to the liquor store to get a 6-pack, im with this giant murder van. And so, I was driving Frank around for something, I came back to my house, and it's parked out in front of my driveway. Shaun actually went out and bought the car. He knocked on the guy's door, and made a deal, and I own this beautiful vintage car that was a monster, and people thought I was so much tougher than I was.

F: Oh, yeah.

J: Because im driving around in there, but man, I'm a big ol' softie.

F: That was a badass gift, dude.

J: That was a fantastic gift.

S: Well, it was a very Hambone car.

J: It was a very Hambone car.

F: It was, absolutely.

J: And i've never forgotten that, Shaun. Thank you for that, man, that meant the entire world to me.

F: Well, you did until we just reminded you. So.

J: So, we're gonna wrap up this episode. Frank, where can people find you?

F: I am on Twitter @frankiero. I am on Instagram @frankieromustdie. And I have a website, frank-iero.com

J: Very cool. Shaun, you got anything you wanna plug?

S: Wizard Beach is still on its way out. I don't know when this is gonna show.

J: This'll either be right before or right after Wizard Beach. Definitely go and check out Wizard Beach when it hits stands. And who's putting it out?

S: BOOM! Studios.

J: BOOM! Studios, Wizard Beach, check that out. You can find me at maitaitv.com for my other podcast, Mai Tai Happy Hour. It is a Tiki pop culture podcast. You could also find me, The Vintage RPG podcast, wherever great podcasts are listened to. And for Frank Iero and Shaun Simon, I'm John "Hambone" McGuire. Join us next month for another episode of Casual Interactions. Until then, hold onto your friends.

[xononx]

All Hell Breaks Loose (rewrite) part 1

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: None, just follows the episode

Word count: 1,753

Description: Rewrite of all hell breaks loose part 1&2

You answered your phone to a panicked Dean on the other end, you hadn’t heard from the boys for a couple months but it was good to hear Dean’s voice again. “Y/N is Bobby with you?” He shouted into the phone “Hi Dean, nice to hear from you to” you replied sarcastically, you should have realised from the tone in his voice that something was wrong. “Y/N I don’t have time for this! It’s Sam, he’s missing” you immediately felt guilty for having a go at him for not saying hello. “Uh Bobby’s on a job at the moment, where are you Dean? We’ll come find you” Dean gave you his address and you and Bobby made your way to the oldest Winchester brother. You met up with Dean on the side of a highway, usually you were met with Sarcasam and casual flirtation but you watched Dean pace back and forth in frustration and panic. Bobby brought out a large map of all the demonic possessions and omens within the last month and laid it flat out on the hood of the Impala. You could tell Dean was confused, “Are you joking? There’s nothing here!” He was right, it was dead out there. No sign of demon activity which meant no way of finding Sam. After about another 20 minutes or so of trying to work out another plan Dean got a call from Ash and by the sounds of it, it was something serious. You and Dean made your way to the Roadhouse to talk to Ash with Bobby following closely behind. You were sat in the front seat of the Impala next to Dean, it was a rare occasion that you got to sit up front but you couldn’t really enjoy it. You had never seen Dean like this before, he hadn’t even bothered to turn on the radio which was unlike him.

As you pulled up the driveway you saw black smoke coming from where the Roadhouse used to stand. It had been burnt to the ground. You and Dean rushed out of the Impala, you walked through the remains of the Roadhouse trying to distinguish one body from another “any sign of Ellen or Ash?” Dean asked, you looked around and couldn’t find any sign of either of them “No I don’t think so” not that you could really be sure anyway. You watched Dean bend down over a charred body and shook his head “oh, Ash, damn it!” He yelled. You and Dean walked back over to the Impala where Bobby was standing, his mouth was open and he looked distraught, you knew Bobby knew a lot of hunters, probably half of the people in there. You placed a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. “What the hell did Ash know? We’ve got no way of knowing where Ellen is. Or if she’s even alive. We’ve got no clue what Ash was gonna tell us. Now, how the hell are we gonna find Sam?” Dean was furious now and you didn’t know what you could do to help “We’ll find him.” You tried to reassure him, all of a sudden Dean clutched his forehead in pain “Dean?” You ask to see if he’s ok but he doesn’t respond, Dean groans and doubles over. You move over to him and reach out for his arm to stable him. “What was that?” Bobby asked “I don’t know. A headache?” Dean replied rubbing his head. “You get headaches like that a lot?” Asked Bobby “No. Must be the stress. I could have sworn I saw something.” You and Bobby gave each other a glance “What do you mean? Like a vision? Like what Sam gets?” You asked, Dean looked shocked at your suggestion “What? No! Come on, I’m not some psychic.” Suddenly Dean groans in pain again, you still have a hold of his arm and Dean leans into you with all of his weight, Bobby had to hold onto him to to stop him from falling ontop of you “Dean? Dean! Are you with me?” Bobby asked, Dean took a moment to balance himself “Yeah, I think so. I saw Sam. I saw him, Bobby.” You let go of Dean as he stabled himself leaning against the Impala “It was a vision.” You asked, Dean nodded “Yeah. I don’t know how, but yeah. Whew. That was about as fun as getting kicked in the jewels.” Dean took a few breaths and you leant next to him on the car. “What else did you see?” Bobby asked “Uh… there was a bell.” You looked at him confused “What kind of bell?” Bobby asked again “Like a big bell with some kind of engraving on it, I don’t know.” “Was it a tree? Like, an oak tree? Bobby’s question we’re getting specific you thought, he must have some idea of where this bell was. “Yeah, exactly.” Dean confirmed “I know where Sam is.” Bobby pulled out his map again and pointed to Cold Oak, South Dakota. You recognised the name, “isn’t that town deserted? You asked Bobby “why is it deserted?” Dean asked you, “it’s a town so haunted that everybody practically up and left” bobby responded for the both of you.

Without another words you were back in the Impala making your way to South Dakota, the drive was maybe 3 hours away and you were tempted to fall asleep but you didn’t want to leave Dean to his own thoughts and worries so you blasted one of Dean’s mixtapes and rolled down the windows. You could tell Dean was worried by the way he furrowed his brows and his tensed shoulders. There was not much you could really do to help him when it came to Sam. All you wanted in the world was to make this better for Dean, secretly you wanted to be enough for him but you knew that Dean would always pick Sam over you no matter what. You had this stupid crush on Dean since the day you met him, at the start it was nothing more than some innocent flirting and sexual innuendos but after a few months of that you had noticed how your hands started to get sweaty and your face blushed when you were around him. You had ignored it for the most part, you had even avoided the brothers for awhile to try and distract yourself from it but it was useless as soon as Dean would call you would be there. Dean often made moves on you, after a hunt when you were at a bar, long after Sam had gone to sleep. Dean would lay down one of his pick up lines and you would use all of your self restraint not to follow him back to his motel room. But you had made a deal with yourself, you watched the way he was with other girls and you couldn’t let yourself be another notch in Dean’s belt, you’d never forgive yourself if you did. After the first couple of times with no luck Dean had given up trying to sleep with you, you yearned for the attention from him but you knew you would be better off this way. You and Dean were better as friends, you knew were you stood as friends you would both have each other’s backs always and there would be no confusion or blurred lines.

The Impala pulled up to Cold Oak around 1am you and Dean moved from the front seat of the Impala to the boot and loaded up your bags, holy water, salt shells, the whole nine. Bobby pulled up behind you and did the same, you decided to split up Bobby went one way and you followed Dean the other. It was a freezing night and you could barley see anything in front of you, it was so dark you couldn’t see when Dean had stopped infront of you and you walked straight into the back of him. “Shit sorry” you replied but Dean hardly noticed “do you hear that?” He asked, you focused on the noises around you and you could hear the faint sounds of grunting as if people were fighting. You nodded to Dean and you both moved towards the sound, as you round a corner you can just make out two figures up ahead. “Sam!” Dean called out and the figure turned around. Dean started sprinting towards then and you followed behind as closely as you could. As you got closer you could make out the figure to be Sam. You watched Sam as he clutched his arm and staggered towards Dean and You, exhausted. “Dean!” You could hear the relief in Sam’s voice, Dean’s pace picked up and you struggled to keep up with him. The man lying on the ground next to Sam begins to stir and suddenly wakes up. He grabs the knife from next to him “Sam, look out!” Dean dropped his bag and gun and sprinted towards Sam but it was too late. The man stabs the knife right through Sam’s back. “Noooo!” The man twists the knife, creating a massive wound, before running away. Gasping, Sam falls to his knees. You spot Bobby round the corner and chase after The other guy. Dean reaches Sam first and slides to the ground to catch him before he falls. He grabs onto Sam’s shirt to keep him up. You finally make it to the boys and throw your bags down on the ground. You lift up Sam’s shirt to look at the wound, the knife had gone clean through Sam’s spine. Dean looked at you and you just shook your head. “No, Sam! Whoa, whoa, whoa, Sam. Sam! Hey! Hey, Hey, look at me. It’s not even that bad. It’s not even that bad, all right? Sammy? Sam! Hey, listen to me. We’re gonna patch you up, okay? You’ll be good as new. Huh? I’m gonna take care of you. I’m gonna take you care of you. I’ve got you. That’s my job, right? Watch out for my pain-in-the-ass little brother?”Dean touches his brother's face “Sam? Sam! Sam! Sammy! You hold your hand over your mouth as you watch the brothers, you feel tear after tear rolling down your face, unable to help you were useless in that moment. You watched as Sam’s eyes slide shut. His entire body slumps forward onto Dean “No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, God. Oh, God. SAM!”

TO BE CONTINUED

[wazafam]

Rory and Jess might be the most controversial relationship in Gilmore Girls - some fans love Jess's intelligence and bad boy ways, and others think that he was just flat-out terrible for Rory and should have been ditched on the double. He remains controversial right through to the Year In The Life revival, where he reappears and makes fans wonder if he's still in love with Rory, and with good reason.

RELATED: Gilmore Girls: 10 Most Confusing Things About Rory

At the end of the day, Rory and Jess were incredibly important to each other, and they always will be - and that's something that any fan of the couple can get behind. From his time as a reluctant and angry teen to a successful author, Rory and Jess will always be there for each other, and fans of the couple will love these episodes.

Updated May 7, 2020, by Rose Moore: Fans are still hoping that a second season of Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life could be forthcoming - and while there are no official plans, there are some hints that a sequel is on the way. If it does, a huge hope for Rory and Jess fans is that there will be more between the two as adults, as they were only given a few scenes in the revival, and those scenes suggested that Jess still has some feelings for his high school sweetheart. In the meantime, though, there are some great episodes for fans of the couple to rewatch. 

15 The Bracebridge Dinner (S2 Ep10)

This isn't the first time that Rory meets Jess, but it's the time that really points toward what is waiting for them... and for her and Dean. In this episode, Lorelai has a huge dinner planned, which is canceled because of a snowstorm. She ends up inviting the townspeople to the event instead (seeing as everything is already arranged), and when the dinner ends in a sleigh ride, Rory ends up sharing a carriage with Jess. It's romantic enough there, but Jess pushes Rory to really think about her relationship with Dean - and everyone knows what is coming.

14 A Tisket, A Tasket (S2, Ep 13)

Stars Hollow has all kinds of ridiculous and adorable traditions, and this episode focuses on one of them - the picnic basket auction. Here, Jess decides to outbid Dean for Rory's basket, although tradition would dictate that Rory's beau take the honor. It stokes the resentment between Jess and Dean, for one thing, but it also creates space for Rory and Jess to spend some time together, and realize just how much they have in common.

13 There's The Rub (S2, Ep16)

Jess proves his literary chops in this episode, where Rory tells Dean that she wants to spend time alone, only for him to catch her with Jess and Paris. Of course, she originally did want to spend that time by herself, and she didn't invite either Paris or Jess over, they just kind of (individually) showed up. But it's a great one for Jess fans, as it shows that he has the ability to connect with Rory and Paris on an intellectual level - something that Dean fails to do.

12 Teach Me Tonight (S2, Ep19)

Despite Jess's intelligence, he struggles with schoolwork (out of boredom and a lack of motivation, largely). Luke, however, thinks that he needs tutoring, and this is where Rory comes in. Of course, their 'tutoring' really just gives them more time together, a deeper connection, and pushes Rory to realize how much she cares.

RELATED: Gilmore Girls: The 5 Most (& 5 Least) Realistic Storylines

This is especially clear in 'Teach Me Tonight', when they go for a drive together, and Rory wants to keep driving rather than going back to study. Of course, every fan knows how badly that goes, when they end up in an accident.

11 Lorelai's Graduation Day (S2, Ep21)

Some of the best episodes for Rory and Jess are some of the worst for Rory and Lorelai - and this is definitely one of the worst for that, as Rory misses her mother's graduation because she's playing hooky with Jess in NYC. Of course, as much as this was a terrible-daughter moment, it was a seriously romantic day for Jess and Rory, as they wander Manhattan and flirt all day.

10 I Can't Get Started (S2, Ep22)

This is one of the big ones for Rory/Jess fans - as after a whole lot of build up, the two finally kiss! Of course, it's not quite as romantic as it should be, given that the kiss comes at Sookie's wedding, which Rory is attending with Dean. However, when Jess asks to come back to Stars Hollow, and then this happens, everyone knows that Rory and Dean are on their last legs.

9 Eight O Clock At The Oasis (S3, Ep5)

Dean and Rory are still together at this point, but it's obvious that they are on the way out, and that Rory and Jess are going to be the next cute couple of Stars Hollow. The episodes in between their kiss at Sookie's wedding and them actually getting together are packed with great moments of chemistry, but this is a particularly noteworthy one. Rory gets caught dealing with a broken sprinkler, and Jess ends up coming by to fix it... but, as they stand together soaking wet, Rory tells him that Dean is on the way to help her himself. Showing remarkable consideration for their relationship, Jess turns the sprinkler back on, and walks away... leaving Rory (and fans) gazing after him.

8 Let The Games Begin (S3, Ep8)

It's taken far too many episodes since that first kiss at Sookie's wedding, but Rory and Jess are now together - and they are absolutely adorable. Between dealing with Luke and Lorelai's reactions to their own first moments as a couple, this is a thoroughly heartwarming episode... even if it does have its moments of awkward teen love. Still, at this point, everything is exciting and new for the two of them, and it's a great episode to revisit that new love feeling.

7 Face Off (S3, Ep15)

This may not be a favorite, because most of the episode is spent with Jesse not treating Rory wonderfully, but it is an important one - and has a great ending. The focus of the episode is Rory and her inability to call Jess to make plans, but her fury with his casual 'maybe we'll do something' attitude that ends up with her home alone.

RELATED: Gilmore Girls: The Main Characters, Ranked Worst To Best Character Arc

Throw in some Dean-with-a-new-girlfriend, and it seems like Rory and Jess are on the rocks... until he shows her how much he cares, and they get a sweet moment in the end.

6 Happy Birthday Baby (S3, Ep 18)

Having worked out their issues from Face Off, by this point in the series, Rory and Jess are happily, totally in love. Their relationship is often complicated, with as much time spent apart as together (far more time spent apart, in fact), but this is an episode that really shows how good they were. In it, Rory is making plans for university, and Jess is being 100% supportive. He is planning how they will stay in touch, thinking about visits, and showing her that he has every faith that they will stay together after she has gone to Yale. It's just a shame that this didn't actually happen.

5 Nag Hammadi is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospels (S4, Ep13)

Another slightly sad episode for Jess and Rory, as they've broken up at this point - but again, a big one. This is the episode where Jess, after all his time with Rory, and then his time apart from Rory (and his horrifying exit from Stars Hollow), finally tells her that he loves her. Sure, he then drives off, and this is after a day of running around avoid each other, but it's still a big moment.

4 Last Week Fights, This Week Tights (S4, Ep 21)

Rory and Jess may not actually get back together in the original series, but this is a moment that they could have done - and some might argue that they should have! Jess, after being away for quite some time, is back for his Mom's wedding - and he has started to grow up. This is also a great episode for Jess and Luke, as Jess acknowledges everything Luke did, and really thanks him for it. It also could have been a great one for Jess and Rory, as Jess heads to Yale and asks Rory to come back to New York with him. There's no way of knowing if they may have worked out had she taken him up on the offer, though, because she turns him down.

3 Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out (S6, Ep8)

This isn't the most romantic episode for Jess and Rory, but it's one that shows just how their relationship grows (and gives every reunion fan hope for the two of them!). At this point, Rory has dropped out of Yale and is living with her grandparents and not talking to her mother, so when Jess returns to see her, he is understandably surprised. And when she learns that he has written a book and generally got his life together, she starts to question her own choices. In many ways, it's Jess, and the moment that he calls her out on her current situation, that gets Rory to head back home and get back to what she really wants. What fan doesn't love Jess for that?

2 The Real Paul Anka (S6 Ep 18)

True Rory and Jess fans are still hoping for a second revival and a chance for these two crazy kids, but in the original series, this is the last big Rory and Jess moment - and it's a doozy. In 'The Real Paul Anka', Rory is still furious with Logan for sleeping around when they were broken up, and when he heads out with the Life and Death Brigade, she heads out to Jess's publishing house event. Unsurprisingly, they have all kinds of chemistry, and when Jess asks if everything is 'fixed' and she says it is, he kisses her! Which would be amazing, except of course, she is cheating on Logan, and gets upset and confesses everything. Poor Jess... but what a final kiss!

1 A Year In The Life: Summer

By the revival, it seems that Rory and Jess are almost completely out of each other's lives - Rory is dating someone else (who she routinely forgets about) and having an affair with Logan in London, but when Jess comes back to town in the summer, there's still chemistry between them. They also still make perfect sense together. Jess is now matured, and is still helping inspire Rory, as he is the one who plants the idea of writing a book in her head. At the end of the revival, Jess tells Luke that he's completely over Rory, of course, but the way he looks at her says otherwise.

NEXT: Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life: 10 Questions Fans Still Have About The Characters

Gilmore Girls: 15 Best Episodes To Rewatch If You Miss Rory and Jess from https://ift.tt/2WJkvVi

[drosophilase]

fic: Yoda, Yuletide, and You

Title: Yoda, Yuletide, and You

Author: @drosophilase

Gifted to: @djchika as part of the @crisscolfergiftexchange 2017

Original prompt: “We made the mutual decision to go to this party separately and when I arrived there was this asshole flirting with you and I’m trying not to make it obvious that I’m seething with jealousy but it’s really difficult”

Ratings/Warning: Teen; allusions to sex (non-explicit), boss/employee relationship

Read on AO3!

Sorry this is two days late, thank you for the gracious extension and Merry Christmas Deej!  Thank you so much for all you did to arrange this exchange <3

--

It had started, as most great love stories do, with a Yoda figurine on the corner of Chris's desk. "That green figurine, I like," croaked a terrible Yoda impersonation from the twenty-fifth (ok, just fifth) person Chris had interviewed that day. Darren Criss, his application said.

Chris raised an eyebrow. Giving interviews for a job at a nerd pop culture online news source, Chris thought he had heard it all. This guy is the first to be bold enough to do such a confident and terrible impersonation. Chris touches Yoda's pointy ear. "From my sister. She's determined to get me the entire Star Wars Funko Pop set over the next 20 Christmases and birthdays." He doesn't comment aloud on the terrible Yoda voice, but he does write a little Y in the corner of Darren's resume.

"That's so cool, man, it's awesome that your family knows what you love. I have a ton of Pops but I can't ever seem to finish a set. There's just too many other things I like. I just put my Chewie next to my Harley Quinn and go with it." There's a sort of sparkle in his eye, glowing gold in the sunlight filtering through Chris's office blinds.

Chris sets the resume aside (he'd already noted this one for the qualifications - degree in Theatre from Michigan University, four years on the Michigan Daily staff with one as senior editor. Proficiency in Final Cut and a few credits in web series and local theatre productions. Currently working in local news media and writing a blog on the Star Wars Extended Universe on the side. Even before he walked in looking like a dream, Chris was hooked). "Suicide Squad Harley or Batman: The Animated Series Harley?"

Darren scoffs, the black curls over his forehead bouncing. "Animated Series, dude. Hands fucking down. I try to forget that Suicide Squad ever existed. It's hard to be a DC boy these days."

Chris cracks a smile. "That's why the girls - well, Patty Jenkins, really - are going to save us all. Haven't you seen Wonder Woman?"

"If I've learned one thing in my time in this industry, no one ever listens to women when they should. You're right though, if they let Patty work she's going to do the whole damn thing."

"If only Ben Affleck could do his civic duty and disappear from the earth, I'd feel better about it."

Darren laughs with his whole body, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "Dude, yes. Just go softly into that dark night."

Chris cocks his head. "You didn't just make that pun, oh my god."

Darren smiles. "You didn't notice 'witty wordplay' under my skills? It's like in my top 3 best attributes."

Chris wishes he had the power to cancel the rest of his day's appointments and just end the day with Darren's interview. Instead, he takes the scant three minutes he has until the next interview to smile absently back at Yoda and make another note on the resume.

1. Wordplay

2. Smile

3. -Ass- Experience

The great thing about PopNow's building is the super cool collaborative open floor plan with lots of coworking tables, glass doors, and zero fucking privacy. Chris had always cringed sitting at the long tables, having to work face-to-face with someone else's computers and get distracted every time they got up to go to the bathroom. Honestly, half his drive to move up to staff editor was to get one of the more private (loosely) offices around the edges of the room with a single desk and a wall to stare at instead of a strange coworker.

Being promoted to division head of PopNow Nerd was Chris's ultimate dream (private office, final say on all published material, sitting in on meetings with creative directors and sometimes, investors. The control freak inside of Chris was fucking delighted). That is, until 3 months later when PopNow shifted their entire focus and all their resources to video reporting. Luckily, they weren't completely cutting out the website or articles that Chris joined the company to write. And, Chris was getting a lot more flexibility to hire new talent and explore new realms of reporting. And thank fucking god, Chris never had to be in front of the camera.

He knew he had to change with the times quick, though. He had writers - he just needed producers. And, after a quick poll of the office didn't yield many nerds willing to get in front of a camera (who would’ve thought), some on-air personalities.

Enter: Darren Criss.

The first day Darren’s new hosted series “Heroes and Zeroes” went live with an episode rating Disney villains on some complicated ranking system based on hotness, degree of evil, and personal style, the PopNow Nerd Facebook page gained like 5,000 followers.  Darren’s video instantly became their most watched.

And the comments, well—Chris’s cheeks reddened just thinking about them. A bashful Darren appeared at Chris’s door two hours after the video went live, one hand buried in the shorter hair at the base of his neck. “So… I think people like it?”

Chris raised his eyebrows, looking over his glasses where he had the comments section open on his own computer. Girls and guys alike were tagging their friends just to point out how hot Darren is. With him there draped casually in his door frame, Chris would have to agree. “I would say yes, they do.”

Darren laughs an embarrassed sort of huff, looks down at his feet. Chris can tell that though he might be humbled by the success of the video, Darren is definitely feeling proud of himself.

“Actually,” Chris continued, “maybe you should reply to a few of them. Start building some rapport with the fans.  Couldn’t hurt, and the higher-ups really want to see viewer engagement.”

The next day the Facebook page following had grown again by the thousands.  Suspicious, Chris scrolled to Darren’s video again. The views just kept going up.  And Darren himself was in the comments section, cheekily replying to a few of them.

Brittany Smith Oh my god, @Ashley did you watch this? I don’t even know what he said, I just keep staring at his hands for some reason

Darren Criss Next time pay attention to my face, we pay the makeup department a lot to cover up my lizard skin! ;)

Chris had one hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud.  Darren was fucking funny. As if Chris didn’t have enough problems drooling over him already in production meetings, writing pitches, and the million times a day he stops by Chris’s office with just “one quick question.”

Chris glanced out his glass office doors to Darren’s desk (the one he has a perfect view of if he just pretends to work at his computer but instead looks right past his monitor out to the main office, no Chris didn’t put him there on purpose the desk was just open). And Darren’s comically large hot pink headphones, and Darren’s brow furrowed as he works hard at something on his computer, and Darren himself chewing on his lip and tugging on a curl and oh, god—

Chris has got it so bad.

“Fuck,” Chris says quietly, taking off his glasses to rub his tired eyes. He should have known better.

--

The crush stays mostly on lock down for almost two weeks.  Chris is like, acutely aware every time Darren walks near his office door (inconvenient, since he has to walk that way for the bathroom, the breakroom, and pretty much everything else) and he gets flustered during staff meetings when Darren starts smiling at him.

And then, of fucking course, there’s Lea.

“Who is this Darren again? You’ve said his name like ten times in the last five minutes.”

Chris swallows hard and tries to keep his tone casual. “Just one of the on-air personalities we hired.  He’s a good writer too, when we can keep him focused.  The best idea man we have, after me of course.  He’s been working here for like three months.  I swear I told you about him. Curly black hair, stupidly big brown eyes?”

Lea gasps. “Christopher Fucking Colfer. Do you have a crush?”

Chris instantly feels his face burning.  “You know Karyn Colfer would never give me such an unsightly middle name.  Jesus, Lea, I don’t know… He’s just a great guy. We get along well.  He’s my employee, for fuck’s sake.”

Lea scoffs. “That’s the highest praise I’ve heard you give another human in the entire time I’ve known you. You definitely like him.”

She’s always so infuriatingly good at pointing out the one thing Chris is trying to pretend doesn’t exist. “Yeah I… guess I do.”

She hums, sympathetic.  “It’s been a long time since you’ve embraced another human being, Christopher.  Maybe try leaning in this time instead of running away. It might do you some good.”

Eager to not hear yet another long-spun tail about her and her fiancé’s meet-cute, recent cohabitation, or extensive wedding planning, Chris says quickly, “Okay, yeah. Lean in. I’ll try that.”

“Just talk to him! You’re very charming, in your own way. He willingly works at PopNow Nerd, for Christ’s sake, just talk about your elaborate Halloween costume for next week, he’ll love that.”

Chris can’t argue with that.

--

“Lean in,” Chris murmurs to himself as he sees Darren get up for his second coffee and first trip to Chris’s desk right around the usual time, 9:20.

“Hey Chris,” Darren says, rapping on the open glass door twice.  Chris looks up from pretending he’s engrossed in end-of-year reports and not sweating into his hoodie.  “Quick question, to settle a debate: Richard Harris or Michael Gambon as Dumbledore? Must cite sources.”

Chris smiles. “Michael Gambon, without a doubt.  I loved the look of Richard Harris, don’t get me wrong, but Order of the Phoenix Dumbledore, tracking down horcruxes Dumbledore, was not frail. Richard Harris could have never pulled off standing up to the Ministry and escaping with Fawkes, no way.”

Darren cocked his head.  “So not what I would have thought you would say.  And honestly, you’ve almost sold me on Gambon.  I’m one of those who can’t overlook the didjupuyurnameinthegobletofire debacle but you have excellent points. Always surprising me, Chris.”

Was that… flirting? It was so hard to tell because Darren was so easily entrancing like this just all the time, but something about the way he said Chris’s name made him think it was different.

Darren had already half-turned to go but Chris calls him back, saying his name.  Darren turns around, eyebrows quirked.  This was deviating from their normal routine, Chris knew.  He tries to calm his pounding heart.  Lean in.

“You know, the real casting tragedy in the Potter series was how old James and Lilly were. Like, alright yes, the ‘mother’s eyes’ thing was absolutely shot to hell. But how are they going to tell us James and Lilly died at literally 21 years old and cast middle-aged actors?”

Darren smiles.  “Dude, yes. They fucked up the ages of everyone in the Order of the Phoenix except for like, Tonks. And maybe they got away with Lupin since he would be more weathered. But casting mid-50s actors for characters barely pushing 35? It totally takes away the resonance of these young people fighting for the future of the world.”

He sits in one of the chairs Chris has arranged along the side of the wall (PopNow has a thing about the formality of sitting with a desk between them) and Chris should move to go sit next to him but it feels like this new thing is a bubble that he might burst at any second if he moved the wrong way.

Darren leaves twenty minutes later to go back to his desk, his empty coffee-stained Vader mug forgotten on the floor.

Chris smiles as he catches Darren eye through the glass.  He’ll be back in an hour or two.

--

By the time mid-November rolls around, it seems that Chris and Darren’s quick coffee run questions have turned into thrice-daily chats have turned into… something.  It’s started to become a running joke at staff meetings, that Chris and Darren are usually more ChrisandDarren these days.  Chris ran into Darren once at his favorite lunch Chinese spot, and then he suggested another lunch spot for tacos and Darren suggested they go together, and now lunch is just always assumed to be theirs.  Even when Chris had to work three days straight through lunch to meet the deadline on proposals for the next quarter, Darren showed up every day with cashew chicken, disappearing when Chris was stressed or offering alien conspiracy theories when Chris needed a break.

That was the thing about Darren, he was always just there. As soon as Chris opened the figurative door by starting a conversation, Darren blew the whole fucking thing open and made himself at home.  It was hard to remember work before Darren.

It doesn’t dawn on Chris that they really haven’t seen each other outside of work until he overhears a few other producers and writers making plans to get drinks after work the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  Chris doesn’t think anything of it—he never wanted to get drinks with anyone in the office before, and he figured no one wanted to drink with their boss anyway.

So he’s pretty floored when he clearly hears Darren (speaking in his still-loud “low voice”) ask Denise if Chris is invited.

Chris doesn’t even try to hear the answer (it’s no, Chris knows) as he reels.  He can see Darren outside of work.  Darren maybe wants to see Chris outside of work.  Chris would have a reason to go somewhere other than home to his cat.  He had never thought of it before but now Chris really, really wanted to be invited out to drinks. By Darren, that is.

Darren stops by his office (fifth time that day) with his coat over his arm and bag slung over his shoulder on his way out.  “Happy Thanksgiving, Chris.”

“Happy Thanksgiving, he automatically replies.  “Headed down to Republic with Denise and Lars and everyone?”  Chris says it just to see how Darren will react.

Darren winces and looks sheepish.  “You heard about that, huh? Yeah it seems like it’s just a writers’ thing, sorry about that, I didn’t decide that it would be exclusive.”

“No, yeah, it’s totally okay,” Chris says, waving his hand.  “I wouldn’t want to like, intrude on the group anyways.  Frankly, there’s few people in this office I’d want to see outside of these stupid glass walls.”

Darren pouts, put-upon. “I hope I made your short list.”

Chris knows his ears are red-tipped but he swallows and forces himself to say, “Duh. You’re like, the whole list.”

Something comes over Darren’s face.  He’s more beautiful than Chris has ever seen.  “Yeah? You’re at the top of mine. Maybe after the holiday we can compare lists.  Have a good Thanksgiving, Chris.”

“Y-yeah, you too,” Chris manages to say, half-strangled, awkwardly waving as Darren turns and leaves.

Holy shit, Darren may have just asked him on a date.

--

There are three things Chris learns on the Friday a week after Thanksgiving weekend.

It is most definitely a date, Darren’s preferred drink is a whiskey sour, and he is the best kisser Chris has ever known.

“I thought maybe you only wanted to hear more on my nuanced analysis of Star Trek captains,” Chris teases after they break apart just inside his front door.

“Oh don’t get me wrong, I love your analysis,” Darren says breathily from where he’s kissing Chris’s jaw.  “It’s just that I also love the way your arms look in your tee shirts and your butt looks in your jeans and that your lips are so damn kissable.”

Chris thrills as Darren stretches up to kiss him again, basically on his tiptoes.  How is someone who appreciates all those things even real?  Chris runs his hands along Darren’s shoulders, grips his elbows, squeezes his waist.  Darren slips his tongue into Chris’s mouth and Chris reflexively grabs Darren’s perfect ass.  Oh, he’s real all right.

“That’s awfully fresh, Mr. Colfer,” Darren says breathily even as he pulls Chris in, walking backwards.  “Don’t you think that’s better suited for the bedroom?”

Later, Chris’s best shirt is maybe ruined and Darren is sleepy and soft and come-dumb, draped across Chris’s chest (he’s a cuddler, as Chris should have guessed).

“Give me five minutes and I’ll get up I promise,” Darren mostly mumbles as he rubs his face into Chris’s belly.

“Mmhmm,” Chris replies skeptically, sinking a hand into Darren’s curls and tracing his thumb over the sweat gathered at his temples.  “I really don’t mind.”

Darren groans, low and long.  “I have like, a thing about my hair being played with, dude. Once you start I’m always going to beg you to keep going.”

Chris smiles wickedly, pulling his fingers slowly through the soft strands and listening to Darren’s responses.  “I could be okay with that.”

--

Chris thinks they’re totally rocking the first day back at work giving off very “we definitely didn’t have sex last night, no way, thanks for asking” vibes. Until a very concerned Eileen stops by his office after their afternoon meeting.

“This is definitely not my business Chris, but you know I care deeply about the balance of the workplace ecosystem, so I’m going to meddle just this once.  Are you and Darren—”

Chris immediately opens his mouth, panicked, “Oh uh, no, I—”

“—Mad at each other?”

Chris stops mid-sentence.  “Wait, what?”

Eileen is unfazed, as usual. “You definitely snubbed him during that planning meeting and he’s only stopped by your office once today instead of the usual six.  I count on you two to keep meetings fun and productive. He makes you less cranky. I don’t know what you did, but fix it.”

She leaves before Chris can put words together.  Well, that wasn’t what he expected.

Eileen apparently thinks we’re fighting.

Maybe we went too hard in the other direction.

O M G. She’s so nosy. Our coworkers are way too perceptive.

There’s only one way I want you hard. This ain’t it

Fuck. Why are my office walls made of glass?

That’s hot, Colfer. Feed your cat and come by my place tonight.

…Was that a euphemism?

--

Pre-Darren, holiday parties at the office were to be endured and survived.  Chris would show up for the shortest time he could, drink two vodka sodas, talk to ten people, and get the fuck out. Now in the Age of Darren, Chris is actually brushing his hair and putting thought into his outfit and humming Christmas carols on the train.

Almost one month into their relationship feels way too new to tell all of PopNow, let alone just their department. (Chris had gone to HR with the intent to file their relationship but his hypothetical questions were met with vehemence that superiors could not date subordinates. So Chris had slunk out of there and didn’t mention it to Darren in case ignoring it meant it wouldn’t exist.) They’re arriving to the company holiday party separately and meeting oh-so-casually by the Christmas tree, avoiding all mistletoe and any game that might lead to awkward kissing with anyone.  They are totally (almost) masters of acting totally normal at work, they can handle this.

What Chris can’t handle is the blonde with godawful dark roots and nose ring practically pushing her breasts into Darren’s face.  At 20 freaking degrees outside there’s no need to wear a sweater that low-cut.  Darren, Chris begrudgingly credits, is looking unwaveringly at her face.  But this girl is hardcore flirting, hip cocked and chewing on the stirrer in her pink drink.

Chris knows he’s being ridiculous but at the same time, he can’t stop. She touches his shoulder for a second and Chris downs a shot.  She laughs way too loudly and Chris crushes a cookie into crumbs.  He tunes out the droning anecdote from some guy in accounting and instead vividly daydreams, replaying in his mind the past weekend spending a full 48 hours locked in Chris’s apartment.

Chris was so wrong to think that he could keep it together for this entire party. Darren is just so damn charming and every single person who works at PopNow is gravitating towards him. Chris understands the feeling, but the possessive jealous lizard brain just wants to take.

He spots an opening as Darren is trying to physically move away from a man who is whispering in Darren’s ear every other sentence.  Hell no.

Chris steps between them deftly, delighting at the way Darren’s face absolutely lights up. “Chris, hi. Thank god.”

“So sorry to steal him away, but Darren there’s someone I want you to meet,” Chris apologizes to the guy in a rush, grabbing Darren by the elbow and leading him away.

“Thank god,” Darren says again from behind him as Chris weaves through the crowds. “That guy was like a level 5 creeper. I’ve been looking for you for half an hour and just couldn’t disentangle myself from these people who all want to talk about my videos.  Which is flattering, I guess? But they’re like, strangers. I’m just trying to get buzzed and play that piano in the corner and start a Christmas carol sing-along.  Wait, this is the bathroom…”

“Yes, it is,” Chris says, leading Darren into the single room family bathroom and following quickly, locking the door.

He presses Darren against the door and kisses him hard, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt.  “That was torture,” Chris whispers, tugging on Darren’s earlobe with his teeth.

“Colfer, were you j-jealous?” Darren chokes out, head lolling back as Chris moves down to kiss his neck.  He wants to leave a visible mark. He settles for one right below Darren’s collar, right in the hollow of his shoulder. Darren moans, cradling Chris’s head. “Fuck.”

“Maybe I was,” Chris admits, pulling back and pushing stray hairs off his forehead.  “That one girl was just so blatant, it was awful. And I couldn’t do or say anything! Maybe I should ask for a department transfer. Or find another job, I…”

Darren is wide-eyed. “Are you trying to abandon me?”

Chris shakes his head. “God, no, it’s just some ban on superiors dating their employees, I didn’t want to tell you before….”

“What about superiors dating their equals?  Would that be okay?” Darren asks, a mischievous smile curling the corner of his mouth.

“Uh yeah, I think so,” Chris says, confused.  “I don’t see why not?”

“Good,” Darren says, full-out grinning now.  “Because Rebecca called me into her office today. Honestly I thought I had to be getting reprimanded or something, but she promoted me. Well it’s not totally official yet, but next week they’re creating new Video Editor-in-Chief positions in some departments. Equal with the department head. A new team-leading thing to further focus on video content.  And the job in Nerd is mine.  She said she heard I work great with my department head and I had to agree.”

Chris reels.  “Holy shit. I knew Rebecca had asked me about you, but I didn’t know why. Holy shit!  Darren, that is amazing.  You are amazing.  I am so proud of you.”

Darren’s eyes practically disappear, he’s smiling so hard.  “Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you.  I guess we don’t have to hide in this bathroom anymore…?” Even as he says it, Darren rubs a hand right over Chris’s crotch. Chris sucks in a loud breath.

“We don’t have to, but maybe we should for this part.”

--

Three whiskey sours in and with no prodding, Darren hops behind the piano and leads a rousing chorus of the promised Christmas carols, Broadway songs, and Disney hits.  Four vodka sodas in and Chris is pulled into a clumsy duet of Baby It’s Cold Outside after he makes everyone in the area hold both hands up so he knows no one is recording.  There’s no way this won’t end up in the Monday morning email thread, but tipsy, warm and fuzzy Chris is okay with that.

It’s the best company holiday party he’s ever been to. Which on the surface makes no sense—it’s in the same venue, with the same cheesy decorations, the same too-strong drinks and the same terrible ornament exchange.  But this year, the Christmas tree seems taller and fuller and more beautiful than ever. And this year, the bartender is wearing a Santa hat and smiling and singing along.  And even though an ornament exchange game with no stealing or trading allowed is a totally lame game, Chris somehow gets a Yoda ornament. He gasps, looking up at Darren, who is just across from him.  Darren has that shit-eating grin, toasting his glass to Chris as he takes another sip. He remembered.

And then Chris realizes that it wasn’t the party that had changed, it was him. And it was Darren. Because of Darren.  Even the most dreaded event of the year has Chris laughing, smiling, relaxing, even feeling the joy of the Christmas spirit.

He blames Darren and his magic that when someone comes up to them shrieking mistletoe! and dangling a bunch over their heads, Chris doesn’t laugh it off.  He looks at Darren, closer than the careful distance they’ve been keeping all night, and is hit with the full force of his sparkling brown eyes. You’re beautiful, Chris thinks, and grabs Darren’s lapel before he can think too hard.

Darren is dazed when they pull apart, the mistletoe bearer long-gone.  “Merry Christmas,” Chris says so fondly, brushing his thumb over the spot hidden under Darren’s shirt.

“Merry Christmas,” Darren says, taking Chris’s hand and holding it tight, laced with his.

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 5X5 Fallen Idols

aight let's see them be idiots

boy does dean play shit close to the chest sure that won't come back to bite him

o boy an old fancy car

this car is gonna kill them

cal is DEAD the c ar killed him

oh that is GRUESOME

ah a return to normal, I can't believe I missed this

actually...so has the show, it's the first one this season

ok but BOY is the car pretty I can excuse the slobbering over it, I love the impala

"whatever it looks like is what it usually is" is SO pointed jesus

aw Dean and his old movies

heheh haunted car

also Dean is a NERD

boy this car is actually scary

ah he tried for a joke but he's spooked

ah ok the flirting, back to form

oh it's a fAKE?

uh oh

ABE LINCOLN?

the emancipation proclamation is a nice touch

WHY does he have the Bad Takes, I feel like that's pointed I SWEAR

ah they can't understand her fun

LMAO IT'S LINCOLN

ABE LINCOLN KILLED A DUDE

"that's what it looks like" hmmmm

ahaha a wax museum

oh they were regulars fun

"you ever see things move" "..bitch wtf?"

ah it's their remains

DEAN OH MY GOD YOU CAN'T TALK TO PEOPLE FOR SHIT

ah yes Total Fresh Start

Dean you fucking nerd

THESE ARE SO CREEPY JESUS

Sam you stupid bastard

god the lincoln is genuinely creepy

oh good it's gandhi

oh it's cuz Sam's a super fan of Gandhi ahahaha

I love how Sam could see that Dean was gonna tease him about this

Dean's terrible trust issues whoops

"you'll never punish me as much as I'm punishing myself" oh?

Dean's protective but overbearing, and Sam got sick of it ouch

PRONOUN GAME!

PARIS HILTON AHAHAHA

AHAHHAA

oh it's cuz she's not dead

was she that famous? really?

oh fun Sam gets to do the autopsy he's 100% qualified to do so

those sounds canNOT be right i stg

Seeds?

Dean I swear you're not cool either

ooo pagan god

"blood from his worshippers"

he's really stuck on James Dean

ah so the wax museum is used to scope out the targets I see

oh good it's Paris Hilton

boy this is fun

ooo the sharpening her nails on knives, very girl boss of her

actually the wax museum is perfect, adds this fake veneer

ah yes the "progress"

I feel like this is pointed about progress too

ah the apocalypse

gods to celebrities ooo

did they make her paris hilton just for the sexy

WHY DOES DEAN KNOW PARIS HILTON THAT WELL

jesus did they seriously just say "all you wanted was to be loved by your dad" AND STILL TRY AND PAINT HIM AS A GOOD GUY LATER?

ooo very bloody

aw sibling banter

none of y'all are good at big picture, NONE of you

OPE THE LEATHER JACKET AGAIN I ALMOST MISSED IT

CUZ HE'S FEELING VULNERABLE

O H HE LETS SAM DRIVE!

oh my god superstitious being the ending song is so good though

ah to lead into the...intro I see

boy this show is good at promising it'll be good

1. the "it's what it is" . the "It's what it appears to be" (coupled in with Sam and Dean taking obvious choices and then starting the apocalypse) felt seriously pointed, although since we were supposed to end up on their side, that was unintentional. It's an interesting thing, where they realize that they took obvious choices, or the ones in front of them, and then it was wrong, especially in the episode they're working through Trust Things. I thought it was neat.

God I want to believe it was done on purpose

2. idols? I think it needed to be fleshed out, but the idea of using celebrities as idols in replacement of gods(especially as God keeps getting more and more Absent Father treatment) but...it's so good? Like there's a lot to be said for the worship we give to things, like Abe Lincoln's speeches, Paris Hilton(I have no idea what she did), actors that gave us characters. Like the blood spattering the Abe Speech, or the car, or all of that was Interesting iconography, and it could genuinely have been a good one-off to explore within the context of the series. Good idea, but needed a bit of fleshing out

3. This needed to be episodic. Like this is just a small thing, but since this show is episodic but wants to be serialized, it just...throws as much as it can from a week to week basis. Like it promises a LOT, but due to. Everything. It can't always deliver. It just is a LOT, and it's by design, so you get Absorbed every week.

4. sibling banter. So as they were building trust, they also went back to the banter a little bit, which was like. I thought realistic. Like a broken sibling relationship is hard, and they're still working it out

5. obligatory Dean. Just the whole "Dad is my hero and want him to love me" that was just...casually in there is so fucked up. why do they make John a hero again? Plus he tries the Rogue thing, and it doesn't work as well for him this episode, due to heightened emotions? I think?

Also after the confrontation, he's feeling vulnerable so he wears his dad's leather jacket!! again(like armor, I've seen said) and then he lets Sam drive, continuing the vulnerability

6. needle drop. OK so they did a Teasing thing with it. I really liked the ending part, I thought it was SOLID and wished it cut to black, but as an AMV song, it's p good too. I think this was seen as "unimportant"(back to basics) so they sacrificed a bit of story to get you hyped for stuff they're hyped about. I'm a bit mad, but also the stuff they plugged is genuinely fun/funny/good, and so I cannot blame them(as much) for that I'm so excited.

les go

[brianjaeger]

2020 Academy Award Best Picture Nominees Guide For Those Who Haven’t Actually Watched Them

The 92nd Oscars are here and it’s time yet again for all of us to lord over one year’s worth of millions of people’s passions with the certainty of a judge at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (which ironically takes places one day later) and say aloud, “This art is and forever shall be known as better than that other art!” 

Throw the notion that expression through the medium of film can exist simply to reflect a myriad of emotions and varied experiences right into the wind. We gotta know what that BEST art is, son!

So with mere hours left before Sunday’s spectacle, you’re probably asking yourself one question. “Brian, why do you keep doing this?” No, not that one. “Brian, Tumblr? Really? Does that still exist? Why don’t you spend the slightest amount of time to find a better medium for this?” No, not that one either. “But Brian, I haven’t actually watched any of these films. What am I going to do?!” Ah, now that’s the one. But fear not. I’ve got you covered. For the 6th time, I’m here to give you a rundown of what I think all of these movies are about without actually seeing them, along with some pithy little talking points to take into your Oscar parties to sound like a goddamn genius.

Ford V Ferrari

In this epic clash of man vs. nature set in the den of Harrison Ford’s summer home in Plano, Texas, the extremely hungry aging star has just had a large pie from Ferrari’s Pizzeria, located at 3949 Legacy Drive, delivered…and now it is time for battle. On the About Us section of their website, Ferrari’s Pizzeria makes a “promise to our customers to provide the best Italian food using recipes handed down from our Italian grandmothers.” Hold on to your Italian grandmothers, kids - that promise is about to be put to the test. (Yeah, it’s real.)

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

That cameo by Mater from Cars is really what pushed this film into Oscar contention.

Christian Bale's car in Ford V Ferrari is also an unwavering method actor and remained in character as a car for the entirety of production.

Who won? I'll give you a hint, in the long run, it was not the quality of life for the American working class!

The Irishman

In this gritty thriller, Lucky the Leprechaun’s father, Frank Leprechaun, an immigrant who worked as a farrier making horseshoes in Ireland before coming to America, wishes on a shooting star for a way to make a better life for his family. He finds that chance by doing hits for the mob and we see his first job take place under a pale moon, when he shoots a diamond store clerk in the heart, blood red ballooning out onto the green grass, like crimson and clover. Later, an aging Frank Leprechaun kills union leader Jimmy Hoffa and as he dies, he divulges the secret that Hoffa’s body is buried on a plantation in Lexington to Lucky. The young boy looks back and makes a firm promise to his dying father. “They’ll never get Kentucky farm.”

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

The de-aging technology used in The Irishman was so advanced that, while you can’t see it, De Niro's testicles are actually two inches higher in the first half of the movie.

The run time of the movie is 3 hours and 30 minutes which is also the average amount of time Netflix users scroll through options before deciding to just watch the same episode of The Office again.

In Ireland, this movie is known as The Man.

JoJo Rabbit

From M. Night Shyamalan comes the story of a scared young boy who claims to see Jewish people. While adults around him are trying very hard to see them too, it’s Adolf Hitler who helps the boy to overcome his fear and actually communicate with the Jews to understand them and realize that the reason that he can see them is because he can help them. And then at the end we realize that Hitler was actually a Jew himself THE WHOLE TIME!  

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

I thought it was just a bit on the nose that Taika Waititi chose to have JoJo sing her hit “Leave (Get Out)” at all the Nazis during the Allied occupation of Germany.

While juggling roles in Marriage Story and JoJo Rabbit, Scarlett Johansson would often get confused resulting in one day on set when she tried to cut Sam Rockwell’s hair in a bathtub.

Of all the nominated films, when it comes to winning Best Picture, this is…Nazi one! (Cough. Look around. Place your drink on the table. Slowly collect your coat, walk to the door, pause as if to turn, sigh, leave.)

Joker

It’s 1964 and Cesar Romero has established himself as a force in Hollywood. A multi-talented performer and veteran of WWII, Romero has amassed an impressive body of work playing roles as a versatile character actor, when he gets a call from his agent.

Agent: Cesar, I’ve got something that I think you’d be perfect for.

Cesar Romero: Is it a complex villain in a new Western? A dark turn as a gangster in a noir? A comedic foil in a Sinatra vehicle?

Agent: No. Better.

Cesar Romero: What is it?

Agent: Get this. An evil clown Batman nemesis…on TV!

(Silence.)

Cesar Romero: Um.

Agent: You’ll be kind of like a sidekick to Burgess Meredith! And guess what he is?

Cesar Romero: (Deep breath.) What is he?

Agent: Like a half-man, half-penguin sort of thing…I think. But he’s also evil! Oh, and you’ll also get to star alongside Julie Newmar!

Cesar Romero: Oh, well that may have legs. So, do we have a “will they, won’t they” dynamic?

Agent: Not at all! But she is evil too. And also part cat!

Cesar Romero: I do not understand any of what you are saying.

Agent: And it’s got Frank Gorshin!

Cesar Romero: And what is he? Let me guess. Like an evil frog person?

Agent: No, no! He’s The Riddler. It’s sort of the same exact deal as your character, only he doesn’t wear any makeup. Isn’t this wonderful?!

Cesar Romero: (Pause.) You have to be joking.

Agent: No, Cesar. YOU have…to be joking.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

We still have a little bit of time for Joaquin Phoenix to die and win a posthumous Oscar for this role and keep with tradition. Then in 11 more years, a woman will win Best Supporting Actress for playing the Joker role and then in another 11 years the actual Joker will direct Joe Kerr in a reboot co-starring the Impractical Jokers…and win an Oscar.

I found the end scene touching when Arthur’s wife delivers his child and asks, “Arthur, what do you want to name your son?” And he replies, “Béla.”

Todd Phillips only made this big flashy blockbuster for the studio so that they’d let him do his deeply personal, intimate art house project, The Hangover IV.

Little Women

In a fresh take on a movie that I think is about some nuns living in a cottage during, fuck, I dunno like 1845? 1912? Aught 5? but there’s like a mean one, and a smart-and-sort-of-pretty-but-not-too-pretty one, and they probably have a dog, oh and a horse, and they have fights about vying for the love of the same boy they grew up with who is now some hot stud with poofy hair and poofy shirts and a nasally British accent, oh and there’s 2-3 other sisters that really just serve to further the main sister’s plot, and there is like fucking grass everywhere and how is all that grass not staining the shit out of those long flowy dresses that they always wear on their farm – or is it a glen? can you live ON a glen? – but later the guy marries the right one and he’s a strong man but is totally cool with her writing about some bullshit about being like a female doctor pioneer or something – oh and she’s wearing a straw hat with like a ribbon that’s always flapping the fuck around behind her – I forgot also that they only have one parent, the other is definitely dead and that comes up a little too often, and my mom and two sisters have to have tissues near the goddamn couch while they watch this seemingly 14 hour fucking miniseries or movie or Hallmark marathon because even though each of them could goddamn recite the dialogue from memory they still cry every…single…time…and OH MY GOD, CAN THIS ANNE OF GREEN GABLES, SOUND OF MUSIC, LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE OR WHATEVER THIS GIRL STUFF IS PLEASE BE OVER SO I CAN HAVE THE LIVING ROOM TV BACK TO WATCH BOY STUFF!

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Not many people know this fact but on her death bed, Louisa May Alcott’s final request was that if a woman ever directed a film adaptation of Little Women they would absolutely under no circumstances be nominated for a Best Director Oscar. So, really, that’s on her.

To ants, these are very big women.

Alan Dershowitz and Prince Andrew's favorite film.

Marriage Story

Dr. Ellie Sattler has established her second career as a divorce attorney after years as a paleobotanist and now fights so that “woman inherits the earth”...or at least gets primary custody and more than half of the assets.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

The roommates of Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig have become increasingly annoyed listening to several minutes of the two repeating, “No I hope YOU are recognized by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences with the Academy Award for Best Picture…and hang up first,” before ending their long phone calls every night.

While juggling roles in Marriage Story and JoJo Rabbit, Scarlett Johansson would often get confused resulting in one day on set when she tried to hide Robert Smigel in the attic.

Variety reports that a remake of Marriage Story is now slated for fall of 2026 with Colin Jost in the role originated by Adam Driver in a version of the story that will be produced by real life.

1917

The seventh and final installment of the 1910's saga follows the previous successful box office hits 1911: The First One, 1912: Now There's Two, 1913: Why Not Three, 1914: Get It? Years Are Sequential. That’s Really All This Joke Is, 1915: This Is The Fifth One (But Fourth Sequel), and 1916: 19 Fast 16 Furious.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Originally, the movie was supposed to have a ton of cuts between scenes but after saying, “Action,” a producer whispered to Sam Mendes that they only had budget left for one single take after hiring every single recognizable British actor still alive – so Mendes started screaming, “Run! You there, start shooting at them. Keep rolling! Keep running! Jump down that waterfall! Let’s go, people, keep up! Hide in those trees now! Oh look, more bad guys! Pew pew! Duck! Run over that way! Do not…stop…shooting!”

If this movie was called 2017, Colin Firth would have just pulled out his Samsung Galaxy Note 8 and texted, “Call off attack,” with a GIF of Admiral Ackbar saying, “It’s A Trap!” Then, mere seconds later he would have received, “lol k thx”.

1917 earned Benedict Cumberbatch a nomination for “Most Distressingly Off-putting Mustache”.

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood harkens back to a time long, long, long ago in Hollywood's history when the majority of top actors were white, the majority of directors were old men and individual parts of women's bodies were oddly objectified and sexualized. We’ve come so far since then!

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Please don’t ruin the fun and let Brad Pitt know that a movie was actually being filmed around him from June to November 2018.

I didn’t think the film was particularly that great but every single person I know who lives in L.A. and is either in or adjacent to the entertainment industry corrected me that it actually is.

Oh, I’m sorry – I think you’re in the wrong place. This is the once upon a time where a man is burned alive with a blowtorch. If you’re looking for the once upon a time where a man’s eyes are drilled out of his face, well then, pal, you’re gonna want to go to Mexico.

Parasite

Oh. I’m sorry. I accidentally put a Best For'n Language Film here at the end of this list of the best ‘Murican films.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Parasite was, by far, the best movie I read this year!

나는 기생충을 진심으로 감사 할 수 있도록 한국어를 배웠습니다.

Bong Joon-ho's Parasite might leave you asking who are the real bottom feeders in the black comedy about social structures. There's plenty of food for thought as this picture is deeper than than what it may seem like on the surface…is the word-for-word review from Rotten Tomatoes Super Reviewer Aldo G that I just read to you out loud after pulling it up on my phone here.