#and by ''something'' i mean ''she doesn't want to live if she can't save sammy'' so there's a LOT to unpack

[swan2swan]

She's fifteen or sixteen years old and she Did Not Need This.

[wwe-supernaturalxbands]

Spotted at Work

Summary: Dean cheated on Reader who is a Lightwood. They date Simon and eventually bump into Dean again

Trigger Warnings: cheating

Dean's P.O.V

I glanced down at the text for the 6th time, 'you're making a mistake and should be ashamed of yourself', of course Sammy wouldn't understand. Y/N is the love of my life and although we've only been together for a few months, I would love to spend the rest of my life with her. However, she doesn't know I'm a hunter, therefore I have to break her heart so she doesn't get sucked into this life, or worse. Killed. That's how I found myself on a Thursday evening, at a bar, the key to her little apartment in my pocket, feeling heavier than it should. She had texted me saying she'd be back by 9pm, which means I have about an hour to find someone to take back. Why? Because I need her to hate me and break up with me to save her life, she's not meant for the hunter life. Before I change my mind, I notice a woman checking me out. I finish my shot and head over to her, I know I need to get her back at the apartment way before Y/N arrives so she can find us in bed together, although I'm not even sure I'll be able to even get it up, Y/N has ruined me for everyone else.

Y/N's P.O.V.

I have to tell Dean about who I am. I have to tell him about not only the shadowworld but that I'm also a Shadowhunter, and not just any Shadowhunter, I'm a Lightwood. I can do this.  As I'm driving, I get a call from Jace, answering, "hello" I asked annoyed. "Are you coming back soon? Can't have you missing the wedding. Magnus and Alec want to have it by next week" he says all in one breath. "Yeah I'll be back, I need to go now" and I hang up, maybe I can bring Sam and Dean to the wedding. As I walk into the apartment I was renting, I felt something was very wrong. I took out my stele and drew on a stealth rune before putting it back away and taking out my seraph blade. I noticed the door was unlocked and walked in, wondering if Dean was home or if he was in danger. As I walked into the living room I heard it, Dean was grunting in pleasure, as well as another woman moaning, in that moment I also heard my heart shatter. I walked into my room and there he was, on top of her. All I could do was stand there, due to my rune activated, it took them about 3 minutes before the woman noticed me and screamed, Dean turning to look at me, unfazed. I unfroze and went to pack my small suitcase, "please don't stop on my account, let me just pack up and leave. Just make sure to leave by the end of the week when my lease is up" I tried to stay strong, the anger evident in my voice but no tears spilling. It wasn't until I was done packing, that I noticed the woman had pushed Dean off and got her clothes, apologizing, I could tell she felt bad because she didn't know he was taken, and Dean, he only sat on the bed. I turned to look at him, again he was unfazed, then I turned to the girl and simply nodded at her and walked out. It wasn't until I was in my car that I let the tears fall. I texted Sam asking if he knew and his only response was 'I'm sorry'. Well fuck.

6 months later

I had been honest with my siblings, they all wanted to go and find the Winchesters to give Dean a piece of their minds but I told them to leave it, that I was done trying to date, Alec and Jace were completely happy with that. Now though there was a knock on my bedroom door, assuming it was one of my siblings I opened it, it was the daylighter, Simon. "Hi Simon" I said smiling, he was adorkable. I had properly met him at the wedding as I was with my father and Max at the LA institute when him and Clary had first found out about the Shadow World. Then I studied mundanes up close and that was how I ended up spending a few months dating Dean. "Hi Y/N, I was hoping to ask you a question" he asked looking down and getting extremely shy, how cute. I nodded, "would you like to go on a date with me? I asked for Alec, Jace, and Izzy's permission before asking!! I even asked your mom" he quickly spills out, I can't help but giggle. Since mom was deruned, she had begun to grow as a person and even reconnected with us, I was more of the forgotten child growing up, with Alec being the perfect soldier, Jace being the perfect son, Izzy being the troublemaker and Max being the baby, I was simply average and lost to the shadows. "Of course!" I told Simon, he smiled, I could see his fangs poking out. I figured since it's been about 6 months since everything with Dean, I was ready to go back out into the world, plus Simon was afraid of all my siblings so I knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt me unless he wanted to get killed again. 

4 months later

Dating Simon for the past 4 months has been such an amazing experience. Clary eventually got her memories back, and was back with Jace, who has asked Luke for his permission to propose. As for Izzy, she finally got the courage to ask out Maia and they've been dating for about a month but I can sense that they're meant to be. 

"Jace are you sure this is the place?" I whisper as we walk towards an abandoned warehouse. There had been sightings of a few rogue vampires, about 5 of them but tonight we were all on patrol and meant to take them to Raphael's clan. It was Alec, Jace, Izzy, Clary and me. "Yes this is where Overbeck said they were spotted entering yesterday" he grumbles. We all begin to activate our stealth runes before getting any closer, I get out my sword, which is attachable to the gear I've got. I also double check my boots and ensure I have my seraph and stele. We all look at each other and notice everyone has their respective runes activated and their preferred weapons in hand. As we walk into the warehouse, the first thing I notice is the Winchesters tied up in the middle. They both turn and see us, confused to see me. As soon as they notice us, so do the vampires and we begin to work. 

As we finished and got them all down, Clary created a portal. "I'll take them and you guys figure out what to do with these guys" says Raphael when Alec came back from entering to let the Clan know we had the vampires. As him and a few others took the rogues, Jace and Izzy began to untie Sam and Dean. "Uhh guys, these are Sam and Dean, the ones I told you about like 10 months ago" I state, nervous my brothers and sister will actually kill the Winchesters. Izzy and Jace stop untying and quickly retie them, "we'll just leave them here" Izzy states and her and Jace walk away from them, "WHAT?" Sam asks confused. "Uh yeah my siblings are a little overprotective" I look at the brothers, not really caring if they do stay there, after all Dean did cheat and Sam did know and didn't tell me. Suddenly there's a portal and out walk Simon and Magnus, oh no. "What exactly did you see" Alec asks, always the diplomat, making sure mundanes aren't aware of the shadow world, that's why Mags and Si are here, to erase their memories. "They were vampires, we hunt them" Sam starts, getting ready to do the whole spiel, while Dean doesn't stop staring at me. "Oh they're mundane hunters, I wasn't aware there were still some existing" Magnus says, delighted. "Rogue downworlders can evade the clave for a while and sometimes in being too cautious of the Shadowhunters, they make themselves easy to be spotted by mundane hunters" Magnus explains to us. "Wait, you mean to tell us, we grow up training to protect the mundanes,  and yet there's mundanes stupid enough, that aren't born with the Sight, and go and look for rogue downworlders?" Jace asks, flabbergasted. "I've read about these I also know there's some who kill innocent downworlders, which then the clave does have to get because they know the downworld will fight and it could have broken the accords" Alec says. "You dated a mundane hunter and didn't know" Izzy finally asks me and I tell her I had no idea. "Wait you dated one of these guys" Simon asked, I could tell he was getting insecure, he felt the Winchesters were very good looking. "Unfortunately" is all I mutter and I can tell Dean looks heartbroken. "Ok well, Sherman, you're the vampire, encanto them into forgetting" Magnus tells Simon, who looks alarmed, he still struggles with the encanto. "Vampire? Y/N let us out and we can kill them and then take you to safety" Dean says, starting to struggle with how tight my siblings tied them. I can't help but laugh, "you want to kill my boyfriend and think I'll go with you?" I ask as I grab Si's hand and interlock our fingers together, I can sense the surprise in him, clearly thinking I'd want to be with Dean over him, this poor boy has serious self worth issues but it's ok I'll continue to love him enough for the both of us. The Winchesters look surprised, "Y/N he's a monster, are they all vampires? Did you get turned into one?" Sam begins to question. "One, how dare you call my boyfriend a monster! Simon is so fucking handsome, funny, intelligent, adorkable, and respectful. And he's not a fucking cheater! Also two, out of this group, he's the only vampire, we're all part of the shadow world, one is a warlock, and the rest of us are shadowhunters, we spend our entire lives dedicated to keeping mundanes such as yourselves safe so how about we let you go and you go on and live normal mundane lives while we do our jobs and actually protect you from demons and anyone else that goes rogue" I say, absolutely pissed that they would try to demean my family like that. I just squeeze Si's hand and look at my family, "let's just go home and leave them tied up". Magnus senses how hurt I am and opens a portal to straight to the institute and everyone walks through. As Simon and I are about to walk through I turn to look at the Winchesters one last time, I can sense that Sam managed to untie himself and before he begins to untie Dean, I tell them my final goodbye and to try not to look for us or there will be consequences. 

[starlightshadowsworld]

Bendy and the dark revival part 5

Thonks

The keepers have taken my friend! Locked him away like some animal! Just because he's big and strong.

But they don't need go after him! No! If they just make sure to feed him in time, Big Steve won't ever hurt a fly!

He loves the food from "the little Devil lounge" best.

If only someone one take the long road back through the sewers, climb up the elevator shaft and seek out his favourite thumping delicacy.

Then they would see how harmless he really is!

... I have... So many questions.

Big Steve?

Also this just feels like a trap.

.

Looks at giant ink monster

... I'm guessing this is Big Steve.

.

Jeez no wonder Bendy didn't wanna come here, the keepers have been torturing him.

Poor lil guy.

... Least I think so, can't quite hear the keepers logs.

Doesn't help that they sound like a glitchier version of Daleks and there's no subtitles. And my ears don't work too good.

.

One food run later, Big Steve happily noms.

.

That's where the ghosts live. Just beyond that door.

The keepers prison.

The Pit.

No one ever comes out, at least not the same.

Thanks, Heidi? For that creepy exposition. So your a lost one like Port.

Wonder if that's where the ink machine is?

But! I could open the door for you. I do know how! I really do!

I sense a catch here.

But first, may we play a game.

There it is.

Hide and seek in a creepy parallel ink world, fun.

.

Found ya.

Doors open and, she gave us a new ability.

Cool.

Looks at mark getting mad cos it would've saved him so much time earlier.

Or not.

.

Decontamination activated

..

How.. How are decontaminising ink? And for what??

.

Excuse me?

Hmm who would be in this world that kinda looks like a ghost like Joey did and is drawing in a prison

... Henry?

You must be really lost to be asking me for help.

It is Henry!

Why would you be a threat to them?

I'm what they call a Cyclebreaker. Once upon a time I knew how to start althe cycle over. And when that happens everything begins again.

Yup you've done that, many times.

Obviously Wilson and the keepers don't want that to happen.

Heh Wilson and the keepers, sounds like a band.

It turns out the Ink demon himself is the key. This world is his, but even he must obey it's rules.

For now at least.

If you can get him to look at something very specific, it will reset everything.

It's a real of film. Labeled, the end.

Ohhh in the first game, that's what he looked at before he turned into beast Bendy... And than it was over.

Makes sense if its the way to break the cycle if that's how Henry's been doing it for over 400 times.

They keep it upstairs in the Pit.

That's convenient.

I just wanna go home.

So did I.

Yeah that sympathy for Joey is fading... Guilty of not you still damned your best friend to his own personal inky hell.

Of your creation.

.

Annnd giant Betram Piedmont head statue is just... Here.

Oh shit is everyone from the last game minus Alison Angel and Sci Boris here?

Because they can't really die because of the ink and I'm betting Wilson would've locked em up.

Cos he's the worst.

... 👀Could Boris be here???

I mean, Heidi did say this is where the ghosts are.

... And Henry's spy glass thing is in contraband.

.

Are you worthy to walk with angels

Jee wonder who wrote that?

And there's someone playing I think that's a banjo??

Sammy!

Sat right in his werid inky summoning circle with his candles and mask on the ground.

Subject 418.

Missed you bud.

.

There's always hope

By a desk, I'm guessing that's Henry's.

And it showed up on the door Joey was standing next to.

.

Idk if its me but the Keepers are giving Projectionist vibes.

.

And from the hollowed darkness, from the wretched abyss a saviour comes at last.

Oh fuck off Wilson.

And we're laying unconscious in a lift with him. As he watches us.

... Why..

Rest yourself, Audery.

I'll be honest, inky and glowing he looks bout the same.

And no, how can anyone rest with you there?!

Your still weak.

I can still kick you where it hurts.

The keepers can be relentless to strangers. But there's nothing to fear, as long as I'm with you.

Your safe now.

... How is you get more creepier by the second..?

Does Joey's ghost know that your with his daughter?

Don't think he'd be happy with it.

You bought me here, you turned me into this... This thing!

This doesn't make sense! I've never done anything to you!

You haven't, but your gonna wanna..

Open your eyes and look around you!

Ah yes, ink, paper just like the last time I looked.

None of this makes sense.

The one thing I agree with you on... That felt icky to say.

Also get back bub!

Drawn walls. Nightmarish creatures.

Drawn walls does, that's pretty normal tbh. Nightmarish creatures, yeah makes sense.

An ancient studio that died out almost 30 years ago.

No that makes sense as well.

It's all fiction.

Careful, he's becoming self aware.

Reality guided by its masters pen.

Noo it was the ink machine.

The franchise isn't Bendy and the masters pen.

What do u want from me?

I need your help, to save my father's life.

Nope.

Nope not helping. Your father's probably worse than you.

And why is your father here?

What is with all the dad's here???

Also how dare you think you can do all this, do this to me and than demand I owe you anything?!

I said it before, and I'll say it again.

Fuck you Wilson!

And chapter 5 the dark revival begins.

This place isn't as safe as it once was.

Because your here.

.

Walks past keeper choking out a lost one

... OooKay than.

.

The demons evil continues to spread.

Than maybe stop getting around.

The world has begun to shutter

Because of you not allowing the cycle to go on.

He's lying Audery!

Hey Bendy, no yeah I believe you over him.

Be quiet!

Damn Audery.

What did you say?

It was nothing

Ohh so Bendy's talking, telepathically?

Probably for the best, Wilson would go nuts if he knew.

.

Oh and he's just shut us in here... Of course.

And there's a gun.

Hehe.

.

Jeez we're in everyone praises Wilson land with his Relax poster everywhere.

Creepy.

.

Welcome to the civilised world.

If civilised means people wanna line up and kiss your ass... I'd rather be a savage.

How do you like my signal towers?

How do you like my right hook?

They nullify the ink demons powers so he cannot pass them.

So no bendy zone.

How long did it take to come up with this?

... How long have we been here?

I wish I could say I invented them, but it seems our friends at the Gent Corporation had a demon problem of their own, long ago.

... Hmmm...a demon like Bendy?

Who's this lady?

Now my dear if you'll excuse me. I have a lot to prepare. We'll talk later, I promise.

Take all the time you need.

..

Also is that a portrait of yourself behind you with you holding a sword to a cowering picture of Bendy?

The ego on you... Also again, how long have we been here that you hag that painted.

I'm assuming painted cos that never happened for a photo to be taken.

Besides you must be very tired.

Tired of your bullshit.

A quick rest will do you good. Betty will show you too your room.

So this creepy maid looking genderbent eyeless Jack Lady is called Betty?

She's my housekeeper.

I'd have goouged my eyes out too if I was your house keeper, poor lady.

Among other things.

... To reiterate, poor Betty.

You never actually killer the ink demon, did you?

Call him out Audery.

No. He's too powerful to destroy.

Imagining Bendy just sat smirking like 😏 yup im too powerful.

So we sealed him away, trapped him in a different form.

One that was smaller, harmless.

... You made baby Bendy...

It was a fitting prison.

Grrrr

Although he seems to have found a way to free himself.

Because your pathetic and he's too powerful. Also no we will not be dealing with that

There's some nice fresh blankets all laid out for you. You'll be dreaming in no time.

Betty... Betty, tap twice if your being held against your will.

Wait Wilson. One more thing, if you needed my help, why didn't you just ask?

Would you have believed me?

... Yeah.

Yeah if you mentioned it after we got sent here and clearly you don't care if we did or not.

Wouldn't have believed me, like your speech earlier was any better.

Smh.

Come along! And no more dawdling this way now.

Through... The same door as Wilson... Oh boy.

Ah you're here at last, it's so exciting having you with us!

... Soo exciting...

Now, to give you some bearings, we're currently in the south wing. Wilsons laboratory is downstairs.

A wing? How fancy is this place? What is this a palace?... More like a tower where the princess is locked up.

So the ink demon is why the north wing is locked up and if I go there I'll be ripped to shreds if I don't go with Wilson.

Good to know.

It's not very often I have guests to look after. Almost everyone here either can't speak or they're completly mad.

... And what Betty, makes you different?

Finest bedroom here you should see where I sleep, ew.

Wilson got you in some nasty servants quarters? Fuck him you get this room when I bust out.

... I don't trust that "sleeping draft"...

Is it always night here?

It's always dark if that's what you mean.For as long as I can remember.

Are you... Very old.

Audery! You cant just ask that.

No, as far as I understand, I'm something quite new. Although, I didn't turn out the way I was supposed to.

So she came from the ink machine?

One in a long line of failed experiments.

Ohh she's one of Wilsons experiments.

But Wilson will keep trying.

And do you trust Wilson.

This is the realm of the ink demon his shadow hangs over us all I don't trust anyone.

Smart lady.

But Wilson takes care of me.

You poor thing.

Keeps me safe, he once said I remind him of something he called his mother.

Hes trying to save his father and his mother has preseumbly passed on and he's trying to recreate her?

Tell me is that a good thing. Where you too are from.

I'm not sure.

... Same...

I mean you remind him of his mother so much so he preseumbly gave you her name.

And he makes you sleep in what seems like nasty servants quarters, and keeps you around as your house keeper.

.... Doesn't paint a good picture...

And he'll keep trying until she's, what? Till he's perfectly recreated her?

And if that's his mother, what about his father?

.

I erm think we'll give the sleeping draft a miss... Don't take it Audery... Don't!

.

[mittensmorgul]

Dean saying he always knew he would die young might be in the season 8 episode about the first task (with the hellhound)? My take is that, before Hell, he knew that but in a distant sort of way. It only became very real to him and part of his worsening depression after Hell.

Yeah, he says that specifically when it's about throwing himself on a grenade to save someone he loves. The anon had asked about "early seasons" though, and Dean in early seasons? Didn't want to die. Even in Faith, he'd sort of resigned himself to dying because what did he know at the time, you know? But it wasn't about "I always knew I'd go this way." It was "If I'm gonna die, it's not gonna be in a hospital where the nurses aren't even hot" or whatever. It was *posturing* and putting on a brave face as his only recourse against what he believed was inevitable. Even by 2.01, though, he's ANGRY and DEFIANT in the face of his apparent imminent demise. He literally fights a reaper and fights for his life the entire episode.

After John sacrifices himself for Dean and he has no memory of his reaper fight, he feels "wrong" inside. Partly it's guilt, because he's guessed what his father did to save him, and it's at least partly the massive burden John left on him before he died, the whole "if you can't save Sammy, you'll have to kill him" nonsense of s2. But his relationship with Death and death throughout the series evolves.

In 2.22, he tells Bobby that by selling his soul to bring Sam back, "at least my life can mean something." He was in a horrifying place, and this is not the declaration of a man who believes in himself at all.

That's about as close as we get to the specific sentiment that "I always knew I'd die this way, bloody on a hunt" in what I consider "early seasons."

Even in s3, after he sold his soul, he spends half the season pretending he's good with his deal, that he's gonna just live life to the fullest until the hellhounds drag him off. He even gets pretty cavalier with his own safety in a horrifying turn in 3.07, offering himself up as vampire bait, which Sam very rightly calls him the fuck out on. That really begins the arc of Dean beginning to face the reality of his impending death, leading up to his confrontation with his demon!Dream!Self in 3.10. After that, he's able to admit to Sam that he's scared, that he doesn't want to die, and if there's a way to save him, he wants to find it. (but the way to save him was a lie perpetrated by Ruby, because she wanted him to go to hell, needed him to go to hell for the bigger plan to play out)

But Hell, and then the impending apocalypse, and what he learns Sam has become (hey, demon blood addict here...), Dean's view of the world gets a lot darker, and grimmer, post-hell. But it doesn't stay that way... at least not all the time.

And by later seasons, it was more often than not him talking about retirement, or at least a vacation, of laying down some of his burden so maybe he could see a future out past the end of his hunting life.

And then somehow in the series finale as soon as any of that might be a possibility, rather than letting him have it (or even leaving it open-ended as something he might choose for himself instead of the drudgery of a completely unfulfilled life), nope he got hung up on a receipt spike like a paid bill and shipped off to drive forever with no destination. How awful...

[msmarvelouswinchester]

Stranger

I Am Sorry

Summary - Alone in your room, you try to figure out how your past life had been.

Pairing - Dean x Reader (??), Sam x Reader (platonic)

Warning - Angst, mentions of drinking, swearing and did I mention angst

Word Count - 2066

Square Filled - Bunker ( @spndeanbingo )

A/N - So I know I have been a little MIA for a over a week now and it has been a lot time since I have updated any of my series. But I finally got my motivation to continue this part and my other series so hopefully I won't abandon this series again. Regularity and me - we don't have a good relationship.

Anyways happy reading!

Unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine.

Spn divider by the talented @talesmaniac89

Series Masterlist

There were no more tears left to cry. You had spent the whole evening crying, trying to think of any possible reason as to why Dean would do such a thing, trying to bring yourself forgive him, but you couldn't. You needed to know why Dean took such a drastic measure to erase himself from your life.

Your stomach grumbled. You sat up and rubbed your face with your hands. You didn't know what time it was, but you assumed it was sometime around midnight, considering how long you had been in the bunker. You needed food in your stomach. There was a knock on your door. You hoped it was not Dean. You couldn't face him right now.

“Y/N, it's Sam,” the voice called from the other side of the door, making you sigh in relief. You got out of your bed, and walked up to the wooden door, opening it.

“Hey,” you said.

“I got you food,” Sam smiled.

“A literal angel.” You said.

“I figured you might be hungry after everything you have been through and I also got you a drink.” He gave you a knowing smile.

“Thank you. Do you want to….come in I guess,” you told him.

“If that's okay with you.”

“Sure.” Sam followed you into the room, a plate of food in one hand, and some clothes on another.

“I hope you still like junk food.” Sam chuckled.

“Oh yeah!” You grinned, smiling for the first since the fallout.

“Here,” he handed you the clothes, “You need some fresh pair of clothes. They might be a little too big.”

“Thank you.”

“I'm sorry.” He said.

“What're you sorry for? Your brother's a dumbass,” you scoffed.

“Cas said that what he did is irreversible.” He said. “He said something about grace and how magic done by grace can't be reversible so-”

“I won't remember anything.” You said.

“I called Rowena-”

“The witch?” You asked.

“Yes. She said she will pay us a visit tomorrow. Maybe she can come up with a solution,” he hoped.

“I don't think so, Sam.” you exhaled loudly.

“Listen I am not supporting his stupid decision but Dean, at that time he thought he was doing the right thing,” He sighed. “We'll figure somethin’ out, Y/N/N.”

“He could have talked to me. We could have come up with a different solution other than me having to live without remembering half of my life,” you bitterly laughed.

“I know.” Sam walked up to you and suddenly pulled you into a tight hug.

“Sam, c-can't….breathe,” you gasped.

“Sorry,” he sheepishly smiled and let go of you, “I missed having you around. I really hated the decision Dean made. He didn't think of anyone. You were like my little sister I never thought I needed. I really missed you Y/N/N.”

“Wish I could say the same.” You gave him a sad smile.

“Eat up. You must be starving. Maybe we can reverse the spell….or whatever it is,” Sam said.

“Yeah. Thank you….for everything, Sam,” you said, as he smiled and turned to leave the room, “Sam, wait.”

“Yeah?” He looked back at you.

“I-”

“What is it?” He insisted.

“How is he?” You blurted out.

“Dean? He's, you know, holed up in his room, drinking. I'll check on him on my way out to make sure his liver survives the night.” Sam said.

“Okay.” you said and wished him goodnight as he left the room. After taking a swig from the bottle of beer, you finished off with the burger Sam had brought for you before retreating back to the bed.

Sleep didn't come easy that night. Mind plagued by various thoughts, you kept tossing and turning in your bed. Not only the thoughts about how your previous life was but also the dream you had, when the Djinn had captured you, kept you up all night. Dean said those monsters show you what your heart desires, then why did you dream about a life with Dean? He was just a guy at the bar for you. Tears welled up in your eyes as you realised a big chunk of your memory was missing and you wouldn't probably ever get it back.

You wanted to scream and punch Dean for playing with your life, playing with your relationship, but right now, lying in your bed in which was supposed to be your home, you felt helpless. You got out of the bed finally giving up on sleep and started to rummage through the drawers of your nightstand - searching for anything that would possibly bring back your memory.

Nothing significant caught your eyes until you saw an old leather-bound diary and small black box. Climbing back into your bed, you looked curiously at the two things in your hand.

You opened the box and found a bunch of pictures inside it. Your breath hitched in your throat as you looked at the pages. There were four pictures in total, all of them of you and Dean. There was this one picture, which was probably clicked by Sam of you and Dean laughing in the backseat of his car but what made your heart break was the diamond ring which was clearly visible on your left hand. An inaudible sob left your lips as you saw the next picture which completely shattered your heart. You didn't have any memory of the happiest day of your life. You stared at the picture of you standing in a white dress in front of a mirror, lips curled up into a small smile and eyes sparkling with hope and happiness. You saw the reflection of Dean in a black tux in the mirror as he stood behind you with a camera pointed at the mirror, as he clicked a picture of his bride. You got married that day, you were happy, you both were. Then why did Dean have to go and throw out every good thing he ever had?

Picking up the diary, you started to look through. It was some sort of a journal you used to keep. You flipped through the pages until a certain entry grabbed your attention.

‘This is frustrating. I should be able to maintain my cool! We were on a damn Rugaru hunt. If Sam wasn't there to save my ass, I would have died. Stupid Dean with his stupid gorgeous face. There were so many times I wanted to tell him everything but what if he doesn't feel the same? Goddamnit! I think I will take off for a few days. Clear my head so that I stop daydreaming about that green eyed son of a bitch!’

You chuckled at your bluntness. You flicked through the pages and started reading another entry.

‘I feel numb. I don't know what to think anymore. He's gone. Just like that. I don't even know if he's dead or not. Sammy went out for a drive leaving me behind in the motel room. That was three days ago. I don't know what to do anymore. Bobby's dead. Cas is gone too and Dean is, I don't know anymore. I need him to come back. Please. I can't live without him. Please, come back.’

You had so many questions about what had happened that day. From the diary entries, you could feel how much love you had for Dean. He said that he still loved you. The same question haunted you again, then why did he push you away? You flipped to the last entry in the journal.

‘I am scared for him. He won't talk to me. He would barely look at me. The mark is eating him alive on the inside. I am scared and confused. I don't know how to help him. This is not the Dean Winchester I married. I need my husband back.”

That was the last entry in your diary. You read it a few times but couldn't understand anything. What was the mark? What happened in the last few days? You needed to talk to Sam, hoping he would tell you everything.

You had spent your entire night or what was left of it reading through the journal and rummaging around your room for any other clues or snippets from your forgotten life. Three short knocks on the door made you jump out of your skin.

You hesitated a little before opening the door. After everything you had learnt overnight, you were in no state to face Dean. You had questions that you needed answers but you didn't want to talk to him.

“You okay, Y/N?” A voice asked and you sighed in relief when you realised it was Sam. You went over and opened the door.

“Y-yeah, I'm fine. Why?” You casually asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“Nothing….I was going out for my morning run and heard sounds from your room. Why are you up so early? You-uh, you never were a morning person,” Sam said.

“Can't sleep.” You replied.

“This all must be very overwhelming for you.”

“And confusing. I have so many questions,” you frowned, “I need answers, Sammy.”

Sam’s eyes sparkled as he heard you call him ‘Sammy’, and he smiled at you.

“What?” You cocked your head sideways.

“You called me Sammy.” He said.

“Is that-did I do….did I say something wrong?” You asked.

“No no no, you always used to call me that. You picked up that name from Dean and then you hardly called me Sam anymore,” he chuckled, “you want to go with me for a run? It will clear your head and I know you still don't want to….meet him.”

“Uh-huh. Give a few minutes to get ready. Maybe you can give me the answers to the millions of questions I have,” you said.

“Sure.”

“So he became a demon?” You asked, panting as you tried to keep with Sam’s long legs. You were honestly shocked to learn about how your life had been. Demons, ghosts, werewolves, vampires - that's all that you knew in that life. The Winchesters were on a run from law and some assumed they were dead, and they did die a number of times.

“Yeah. And that's when things started to go downhill,” Sam said.

“What do you mean?” You asked as you both approached the bunker door. Sam kept quiet.

“Sammy?”

“I think you should ask Dean. It's not my place to say,” he whispered.

“But-” Sam shook his head and went down the stairs and you followed him.

Dean was still nowhere to be found which was a relief but you were also a little stressed out about his condition. He was cooped up in his room since the previous night with a bottle of Jack - as told to you by Sam - which was definitely not healthy.

“I know he is probably the last person you want to see right now but you should talk to him. He is the only person who can speak for his actions.” You nodded your head at the younger brother.

“I need a little more time before I can even look at him.” You sighed.

“I know.” The low grumble from the other side of the room, caught your attention. You turned sideways, your heart dropping to your stomach when you took in the sight of the man in front. He looked like he had aged ten years overnight. His red rimmed eyes were heavy with guilt and sadness. His scruffy cheeks were sunken and pale. “I couldn't find any of you in the bunker.”

“We went for a run.” Sam replied.

“Run? I thought you-” Dean looked at you.

“People change.” You averted your eyes, making him wince at your coldness. He knew he deserved it but he still loved you.

“Well, I took a shower so I don't reek of whiskey anymore. You never liked the smell of alcohol on me.” Dean said, trying to make small talk to break the uncomfortable silence.

“Good for you.” You needed to leave the room so you turned on your heels to leave.

“Y/N-” his voice made you stop in your tracks. “I'm sorry. You-you don't have to forgive me but….please, I-I need you to know that I'm sorry.”

“I know.” And that's all you said before you went to your room.

Let me know if you want to be tagged in this!

Feedback is highly appreciated!

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XCI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Breaking Walls (Part. II)

(12x22)

Hello my friends! We are about to finish the metas from season 12.

This time we will talk about Leader!Sam and the Foreshadow of Healing!Dean from season 14.

Trapped

The episode opens with Sam, Dean and Toni locked inside the bunker, trying desperately to find a way out.

The curious point of it, is that they will try a spell to break free...

SAM: Seems like pretty basic ingredients. Nothing we don't already have. Oh. (...) The mechanisms “must be anointed with the blood of virgins.” (...) I mean, I've read half a dozen purification rituals in the last hour. If we used one of those on – on our blood...

DEAN: Then what? Revirginize it?

SAM: Maybe.

TONI: So we purify the blood, then do the spell.

Focusing on the symbolism here, first of all, the bunker becoming a trap, and the boys trying to scape from it, is a foreshadow of Dean trapped in his own body, possesed by AU!Michael. But then the spell they choose, need purity, virginity, clean blood.

Purity will be a relevant point in season 14 as the goal searched for AU!Michael and as a recalling to Purgatory, foreshadowing Purgatory 2.0 in season 15.

So when Toni says WE PURIFY THE BLOOD AND THEN DO THE SPELL, she's giving us the prelude for Healing!Dean in season 14. The path Dean will take to purify his soul, to really grow after being possesed, and facing himself. He will have to find his own in once to break free from Michael, and his emotional prison.

While talking about the way Dean had pictured his death, this is the face he made when they mentioned "blaze of glory"

Gif credit @jaredandjensen

Which is not the face you would do if you really wanted to die of that. Dean is, at this point, as he was in season 10, considering his options, he is growing up and the blasting idea of die as "blaze of glory" is not what he really wants for himself.

When we heard his confession in season 10 and then we saw him meeting Jesse and Cesar in Season 11, we can infer what's in his heart. What he really wants. Curiously, the topic of season 14.

The explosion Dean made on the wall to break free, is a symbolic representation of the big turning point in his life when he lost Castiel.

Breaking down the walls

The mention of Jericho at the beginning of the episode refers to "break down the walls".

Jericho's battle, described by the bible, was the first battle israelites to conquer Canaan. Jericho was powerfully guarded by wall, they were able to break down in the seventh day of the battle.

What this has to do with this episode? Well. Is an episode that shows us a lot of wall that fall and break down. First of all, the bunker becoming a prison, Dean broke the wall. Now is time to break emotional/psychological wall: when he gets inside Mary's mind, trying to reach her through a very emotional speech, he will be breaking those walls, and at the same time, he will be foreshadowing Cas and Sam getting inside his head to reach him, in his emotional prison in 14x09.

Dean reached Mary through family love, but it was necessary two kind of loves to break Dean's walls: Sam (family love) and Cas (romantic love) in season 14.

The speech Dean gave to his mom to reach her is the self knowledge about his traumas.

And because is a Berens episode, we have the parallels between scenes, to show us a message.

In one scene we have Sam trying to break down the walls of British Man of Letters to defeat them, guiding a team of hunters, foreshadowing his leadership in season 14.

And in the other scene, we have Dean trying to break down his mom's walls from her emotional prison.

Bot scenes interrelated with the profound meaning that will have Dean's possesion by AU!Michael.

The way Dean's speech to reach his mother is a reflection of his own self, is the perfect philosophical path he will take in season 14: Self discovering, self acceptance.

So, we can infer that the parallel between Sam's battle against BMoL is a reflection of Dean's battle to reach his mother, but at the same time, Dean's future inner battle to break free from his emotional prison.

Sam defeats and kills the head of BMoL, releasing the american hunter's from her. Just like Dean will release his mother from the mental control. And just like Dean will break free from his emotional prison in season 14.

Dean's self aknowledgment of his traumas

When Dean arrives to his mother's mind, he finds her younger, taking care of him and Sam before she died. Is a perfect (fake) world her own mind had created to keep her away from the reality, because the reality hurts. This is the perfect parallel to 14x09, when Sam and CAS find Dean in the Rocky's bar.

DEAN: Look, I know that they messed with your head, okay? I know it feels better in here. It feels safer. (...) Mom, look at me. (...) You're choosing this.

Dean is aware his mother is trapped in her own mind, her own emotional prison. That's not real. This way he is mourning his childhood's mother too. Because he faces her, and he tries to drag her back to what she is now.

DEAN: You promised you'd keep me safe. And then you make a deal with Azazel. Yeah, it saved Dad's life, but I'll tell you something else that happened. Because on November 2, 1983, old Yellow Eyes came waltzing in to Sammy's room, because of your deal. (Mary turns abruptly and walks past Dean to Sam’s crib in the living room) You left us. Alone. 'Cause Dad was just a shell. His perfect wife? Gone. Our perfect Mom, the perfect family... was gone.

Okay, i will make a cut here. When Dean starts the speech that will make Mary to break free, he starts saying YOU PROMISE ME YOU'D KEEP ME SAFE. He's talking about him, here, that's why I said that in this same speech Dean Winchester finds himself, his traumas, as the begining of his healing journey. Then, he narrates the big scene that changed his life forever. That day he went from a normal kid to have a hard life. YOU LEFT US is pointing at the demand to his mother, the empty space that must be filled (by Dean). Something he had in his heart, burried. Is te request of that little 4 years old kid. DAD WAS JUST A SHELL is also demanding to John Winchester for not be for them as he should. He was a shell, empty spot it must be filled. (By Dean). The perfect wife and mom doesn't exist, it was a fantasy Dean kept in his mind, it was the image he had of Mary Winchester. The image of the little boy. The perfect family, gone. Remarks the mourn Dean is doing, as an exercise while talking to his mother.

Gif set credit @littlehobbit13

Dean's aknowledgment of his role in Sam's life brings him sorrow and pain, because as he will continue saying, he feels he failed.

DEAN: And that wasn't fair. And I couldn't do it. And you wanna know what that was like?

They killed the girl that he loved. He got possessed by Lucifer. They tortured him in Hell. And he lost his soul. His soul. All because of you. All of it was because of you.

Even when Dean is taking all of the bad things that happened to Sam on his back, he shows his mother she started it all. But look how Dean carries with all these curses.

DEAN: I hate you. I hate you. And I love you. 'Cause I can't – I can't help it. You're my Mom. And I understand...'cause I have made deals to save the ones I love more than once. I forgive you. I forgive you. For all of it. Everything.

Okay, this is very deep. First of all, we have Dean starting his ILY journey right here. The firsts words are said by his innocent heart, the 4 years old kid is talking here: I HATE YOU AND I LOVE YOU, is the duality of his feelings, his deep fears, and his repressed emotions. He hates his mother Because he had to go through all of that, and because Sammy had to go through all of that because of her mistakes. So, as the child he was once, he says I HATE YOU AND I LOVE YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE MY MOM. Then, it comes the grown up man talking, as an adult, Dean is able to understand and forgive Mary's mistakes. Now that he is a man, he can connect with his mother's errors. And he is able to forgive her, reaching that peace he needed in his heart with her and with himself.

DEAN: On the other side of this, we can start over, okay? You, me, Sam. We can get it right this time. But I need you to fight. Right now, I need you to fight. I need you – I need you to look at me, Mom. I need you to really look at me and see me. Mom, I need you to see me. Please.

This, this is huge. Why? Because is a parallel to the mixtape scene. Look how Dean mentions 'YOU, ME, SAM', there's not doubt, not head tilting, no regrets as it was in the mixtape scene, why? Because there's no doubts Dean is talking about FAMILY, and not RANTIC LOVE HERE. In the mixtape scene he puts Sam as a shield, because he needed to protect himself from his own feelings YOU, ME (CAS/DEAN) it wouldeant JUST CAS AND HIM, THE TWP OF THEM, ROMANCE. GAY. But putting Sam there, he turns that into FAMILY. Now, there's not doubts in this scene, because Dean is talking about family. There's not shield needed. Family: YOU, ME, SAM. In both scenes he is asking for a new beginning, work toge as a family. But in the mixtape scene there was this romantic tension giving it an all different meaning.

When Dean asks his mom to really look at him, is the way he will bring her back to reality. Because the grown up man in front of h is the real one, his real son. The same will happen with Dean being possesed by AU!Michael, in which Dean will be able to see himself as he really is.

To Conclude:

This episode was full of symbolism, but the main topic was how to break walls, emotional walls, as a prelude to season 14, in which we will have Healing!Dean and Leader!Sam.

Hope you like this meta, see you in the next one, will be the last from season 12!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from this season, here you have the links:

Vol. LXXV, LXXVI, LXXVII, LXXVIII, LXXIX, LXXX, LXXXI, LXXXII, LXXXIII, LXXXIV, LXXXV, LXXXVI, LXXXVII, LXXXVIII, LXXXIX, XC.

Buenos Aires, December 6th 2020, 6:59 PM

[alw4ysf0rev3r]

the witch and the boy || dean winchester

you and dean have know each other for half a year now. you always knew there was something there. he did too. but you guys just hid that love for each other as best friends.

you're a hunter just like sam and dean. but you're also a witch. dean's hatred towards all witches was prominent, but he made an exception for you. he didn't freak out or try to kill you, but yeah, he was a little weary after that. but it was sam. sam adored you for how much you cared about bobby, cas, dean, and him. he just couldn't believe how dean just let the fact you were a witch go over his head. and that's what started everything that night.

"dean! she's a witch. she could kill us all or get us involved in some witch-on-witch stuff!" "samuel fucking winchester i swear to god if you start this again." neither of them knew you could hear the conversation. this happened once or twice before but you could sense this fight was gonna be worse. last time you got involved you told dean you could fight you're own battles.

"trust me, i know. you proved that when we first met. but you don't have to. and sam... he's never like this, he's usually the one to sympathize with the-" he trailed off, "monsters dean. monsters." he freaked out then of all times. "no, no, no. y/n you're not a monster. why would you-" you started laughing. "baby boy trust me i know i'm not a monster. save that speech for sammy."

dean finally spoke after taking one of the plates from the table to the sink, but really quiet to the point you could barely hear him. "sammy, why do you care so much. i'm the one with the grudge not you. she's a good person. you know that. y/n saved us before she knew us."

when you guys first met, it wasn't at a diner or some macho god vs winchesters fight, one night, the boys and cas were fighting a large group of demons. nothing new. but they were outnumbered and even cas was having a difficult time taking them on. dean was about to be stabbed when he heard the demons drop one by one. he didn't see who, so he immediately thought it was cas. he saw a few knives fly towards the one to the right of him, the one pinning cas had his legs swept beneath him, then the one holding dean turned to you after you took a knife to his back. this demon was a pain in the ass. punches were thrown, a few kicks to the side of his head, and yours. finally it gave up and you exercised it. you moved the hair from your eyes and all the boys stood looking at you like you were the best hunter they'd seen (which you are) but at the same time, they had horror in their eyes. you took down a full room of demons with ease. and you weren't even using your powers. they didn't need to know that yet.

sam did that grunty-thingy he always does and whiped his face, mumbling something you couldn't hear. "she's a monster. she'll kill us all. you know how powerful she is." dean rolled his eyes from hearing this over and over and over again. "i don't care sam. y/n has done nothing but keep all of us in line and alive. you should be happy she's with us not arguing the same god damn argument!" he yelled. you slumped your back against the wall along the stairs, holding back tears.

"you really wanna risk us for her?" sam asked. "you know what sam? maybe i do. she's been there for me more that any of you have my whole life. she understands me without the judgement. i wouldn't wanna have anyone else by my side if something went wrong or hell, if something went right. if you have a problem with her you can leave. cuz i'm not leaving her. i made her that promise." he rolled his head around and started mumbling swears under his breath, then went to the coat rack and grabbed his lea ther jacket and keys, slamming the door behind him.

that's when you went to your room. sam smashed a few plates and then went to bed. see, that gut feeling was right. dean definitely cared but who knew that much? you cried for a while, and obviously knew you weren't gonna get sleep.

dean didn't get back until 3:46 a.m. he went to a bar and got drunk you assumed and when he got back you walked downstairs. "you good?" you saw him slouching and caught him as he missed the first step on the way up the stairs. "great." he responded with a smile and clear smell of whiskey on his breath. "here c'mon." you half-guided, half-carried him up the wooden staircase to his room which you migrated to around 1 earlier. "were you planning on stayin' in here sweetheart?" he asked, noting your spare blanket and charger you kept in his room. you gave him a slight chuckle. "i was." after you took off his shoes and placed his trash can next to his bed you started to leave. "hey. hey. you." you stopped in your tracks and looked back. "yeah dean?" he kinda stumbled on his words at first. "c-can you stay with me 'till i fall asleep?" after reaching the other side of the bed, you released a slight puff of air after hitting the matress. at first you wondered why he stumbled asking that question because he doesn't usually talk like that when he's drunk. so yay he's sobering up. but it's not like it's the first time you've spent the night in the other's room. it was normal for you two. that's when it hit you. a different way.

he turned around to look at you, which you were half on the wall and half on the bed. you raised your eyebrows at him and he knew that meant 'what?' "i'm sorry. for sam. i get it if you don't want to stay, i'm gonna leave if he keeps doing that." "dean, don't. i don't want the hardy boys spliting cuz of nancy drew. and i should be thanking you. you keep sticking up for me." "oh so you were listening?" he sassed. dean smiled. "that's my girl." you two looked at each other for a few seconds and that's what happened. he kissed you. or did you kiss him? you both kissed each other? doesn't matter.

you stopped him. "dean you're drunk. if you're gonna kiss me at least be sober enough to remember it." he rested his head against yours. "alright. g'night y/n." you looked into his apple green eyes before you kissed his forehead. "night dean." you shifted so your head met one of the two pillows dean kept, his met the other.

dean woke up before you. he showered (thank god) and picked up coffee and donuts. when you went downstairs you saw dean and walked towards the donuts, almost ignoring him. not because of the night before, you just didn't like mornings. he laughed and looked at you, taking a large gulp of his coffee. "so, we gonna talk about earlier?" you almost choked on your donut and said "what?" as your voice cracked. "just becuase i forget my abc's from time to time doesn't mean i didn't forget what we talked about and that we kissed y/n." you set down your food on a plate and walked over to him. "if you remember what's there to talk about dean?" you slightly squinted at him. he grabbed you by you're hips and swayed you two side to side. "well... i could ask you on a date. i mean we already have the chemistry and live together so,” “please you can't even spell chemistry." you smiled at him. he took his hands away and said, "wow. wow. ok. y'know y/n, i'm hurt. really." you walked back over to your food. "8 o'clock, movie and dinner. nothing fancy though. deal?" he looked at you with hope and love in his eyes. "deal. i'm just happy you didn't ask me with that cheesy knock knock joke." you fake gasped. "it's a great joke dean, get over it."

that’s when you knew he had your heart, and you had his.

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 15.02: “Raising Hell”

THEN: Sam shot God! Welcome to the end. Demon!Jack. Last week's non-scary ghosts or spirits or whatever. Strangely missing from the "Then:" Sam's godhole vision. It's actually a very short "Then." Maybe the episode itself is so good, so crammed full of wonderful things, that the "Then" had to be kept brief to make room for all of it.

Or then again, maybe not.

Now. We're still in Harlan, Kansas. A woman holding a scarf over her nose and mouth sneaks into the forbidden zone, and is startled by a neighbor. Or "neighbor." She's seen Close Encounters and knows the benzene story is fake (but if it was true, lady, I don't think that scarf would save you). And yet she's apparently never seen a horror movie, because the fact that her "neighbor" is silently and creepily staring at her doesn't raise any alarm bells. He stabs her a few times and then smokes out into an old-timey ghost who says "Disembowel. D-I-S-E-M-B-O-W-E-L. Disembowel." Well. Okay. She certainly doesn't look disemboweled, but I'll take your word for it. I mean, you spelled it and everything.

Title card. (BTW, you need to check out this very through breakdown of everything you're missing in the title card. It's fantastic.)

Nighttime. Harlan High School. Sam is large and in charge, but the people are restless. And apparently there are "hunters in the zone." Sam gets everyone's attention and tells them the EPA will be here tomorrow (a lie) and they need to stay out of the zone (the truth) and is adorably befuddled when he asks if there are any questions and everyone raises their hand. He's wearing a huge chain around his neck and, unfortunately, has gone back to the undershirt.

[[MORE]]

[[MORE]]

The zone. Dean and Belphagar. Dean's EMF meter is going crazy, and Belphagar says there are spirits about (are they ghosts? souls? spirits?) but they don't like him so they skedaddled. (Do we believe that?) Dean can't believe he's working with a demon again, and Belphagar can't believe he's working with a hunter, and it's the classic buddy comedy all over again. Except it's not a comedy and they're not buddies. (Do I miss Metatron?) He reminds us that his rationale for working with hunters is that he liked Hell the way it was. (Do we believe that?)

There's a fiery blast at the zone border, and even though Dean was facing it and Belphagar was facing in the other direction, Belphagar is the one who points it out and says "escape attempt, eleven o'clock." The bad guys can't cross the barrier, but rock salt can, which is convenient. Dean blasts a spirit away, who I believe is the same one from the "Then" but I can't be bothered to confirm and is relieved that the warding still works. Belphagar expositions that it won't last forever, and these ghosts/spirits/whatever are more dangerous than average. For example, the ghost Dean just shot was Francis Tumbelty, aka Jack the Ripper.

(Sidebar: Okay, I did actually rewind and use closed-captioning to confirm what Jack said, because what I heard was Francis Tomelty. And here's how my brain works: I can't remember my kid's phone number, I can't remember my license plate number, I can't remember to call the guy to fix the garage door opener, but I do remember that musician Sting's first wife was named Frances Tomelty. That's how useless my brain is. But Wikipedia confirms that Francis Tumbelty is, in fact, a Jack the Ripper suspect.)

I know, Dean, I feel the same way.

High school. It's daylight now. The citizens are still restless, someone's wife is "missing," the benzene story is wearing thin (sidebar: I'm still using captions, and they misspelled benzene,) and people are plotting an escape.

Zone. Ghosts/spirits/whatever are gathering in one of the houses. Francis Tumbelty, who does not have a British accent (but it turns out he was born in Ireland but raised in America so okay, I guess someone did their research), informs the group that they were released from Hell by God himself. And all of these spirits know what hunters are. And Belphegar's name is actually Belphegor. Well. So much to learn tonight. Tumbelty says they need to gather the spirits who are still in hiding. And they can break the warding because "Warding is a door, doors have locks, locks have keys." Actually, the analogy I would have used is that warding is a lock but WHATEVER. Their plan is to "make it as ugly as possible for those who stand guard." Well, the ineffective spooky makeup will help.

Outside. Hunters are patrolling the perimeter. Civilians sneak out of the bushes and then walk right down the middle of the dang street. And then meet a couple of very unscary ghosts. Oh no, what will happen?

I don't know, because we cut back to the high school. They found the first woman's body, and Cas thinks they need to tell her family, and Sam's all, can't do that yet, people are gonna panic. They're interrupted by the arrival of Rowena, which was a surprise to me because I covered the guest star credits. Although it shouldn't have been a surprise, since Dean called her for help in the previous episode. (See how useless my brain is?) She pretends to be more interested in Cas than Sam but I'm not fooled.

Sam says "Remember a couple of years ago when we were trying to get rid of Amara," as if that's how the conversation would go, as if that's anything either of them would need to be reminded of. What he really would have said was "You know the soul bomb you made for Amara? We need another one of those."

WHATEVER.

They don't want to use it as a bomb, they just want a way to capture the ghosts. Rowena thinks it would be too difficult, but they're interrupted by someone who tells Sam they have "a situation."

Zone. The situation is that the two civilians are facing down Dean and Belphegor. And apparently they've been standing there long enough for Sam to actually show up at the zone, which is miles away from where he was. WHATEVER. Dean explains that the guy is married to the woman who was D-I-S-E-M-B-O-W-E-L-E-D earlier and came to look for her. (BTW, we're almost 10 minutes in, and this is the first scene with Sam and Dean together.) Sam, in his kind way, tells them they need to go back to the school. Then black goo drips out of their eyes and Dean realizes they're possessed. The whole standing-and-staring part didn't clue him in (WHATEVER) but now he gets it.

Bowlegs! Hair blowing in the breeze! Something for everyone!

Tumbelty appears and tells them if they don't open the warding, the spirits are going to kill these two civilian vessels. The civilians drop to the ground, groaning in pain, and I remember back when the guys would have let the spirits out in order to save two innocent people. Or at least would have been conflicted about it. (WHATEVER.)

However, some unexpected shots ring out, sprinkling the possessed civilians with... confetti? How festive. Tumbelty zaps out and the Winchesters and Belphegor turn to see none other than Arthur Ketch. Who is also a surprise to me. I guess that gig as an insurance agent didn't work out. Dean seems ridiculously annoyed to see him. Ridiculous considering that they were working together fairly recently. (WHATEVER.)

And now, since none of my regular download sources worked out and I'm forced to rewatch on the CW app, I'm sitting through commercials. Like a goddamn animal.

Back at the school. Ketch says he just happened to be in the area when they sent out the call for hunters. Dean's still not pleased. What is his problem? Am I forgetting something? Did they leave on bad terms? His gun, stolen from the BMoL, shoots iron flakes. Which somehow expels the spirit without hurting the vessel. He and Rowena reacquaint themselves, and she holds no hard feelings against him regarding the whole prisoner thing, since he let her escape. Well, you actually bought that escape, Rowena, but okay. There is an uncomfortable level of eyefucking, as least as far as the Winchesters are concerned.

Belphegor shows up and they have to explain to Ketch that Jack is dead and oh, Sam's face, when he says "dead." This is the first time this episode has made me feel anything. Well, anything good. And it turns out Ketch was actually contracted by "an attractive female demon" (seriously, that just means a demon in an attractive female vessel but WHATEVER) to kill Belphegor. Her name is Ardat and I guess she's gonna show up later. Yawn.

At least sad Sammy is good.

Reno? I laughed and said ha ha, I wonder if Amara is here and it turns out she is! (Because, again, I covered the guest stars.) She's getting a massage. Her maseusse is replaced by Chuck, who looks about 10-20 years younger than he did the last time we saw him. (Just for Men. Find it in the men's section.) She's annoyed with his presence. He's rambling. He liked the Game of Thrones ending, which I guess is supposed to signal what an awful hack of a storyteller he is. Or to warn us that we won't like the ending of our own Show. Or both.

High school. Poor Cas has to lie to Restless Citizen #3 that they're looking for the other missing citizens. "You said you'd keep us safe!" the guys says. That cuts deep, man. Meanwhile, Rowena has given Dean a shopping list. She asks him about Ketch, even though, as Dean points out, they've obviously met. "That was more of a torturer-torturee relationship. Fun, but I didn't really get to know him." But Dean doesn't want to play matchmaker, and says she shouldn't get involved with Ketch. "I mean, Sam is right here," he says. "Why don't you guys get off high center and do it?" (No, not really.)

Cas comes up behind Dean, all rumpled and sad and wanting a hug, and he apologizes for "dropping the puck." Dean doesn't want to hear it. He's so very angry, at Cas and at Chuck and at his life being one giant rat maze. Cas doesn't think their whole existence has been a lie, because even though they were in a maze, they were still living their lives in that maze. That's what life is. Chuck sets up the obstacles, but they still run their own obstacle course. Dean doesn't accept this.

It's interesting that Dean is the one who's taking the truth about Chuck so hard. Sam and Cas were the ones who had faith, and you'd think they'd be knocked harder by the realization that there was never a benevolent God. But on the other hand, Sam's so used to being manipulated by outside forces; this is nothing new to him. And Cas has already seen how the sausage is made. So they're both just, yeah, this is how it is, let's deal with it.

However. I'm not feeling the Dean-Cas conflict at all. I don't really care. And I suspect it's going to be a Big Deal. {sigh}

I’m definitely feeling angry Dean. So much.

Zone. Nighttime. Dean and Ketch are on patrol. I mean, I guess it makes sense to leave Chief Sam in charge at the school, but I'm tired of the guys being split up. Dean gives Ketch one of the giant chains they've been wearing, and says it's iron, to prevent possession. Wow, that would be a heavy chain. They talk about God and Rowena, and then Dean gets a text message. "Trouble. Two hunters haven't checked in." Uh oh!

Meat packing plant. Seriously? There is a meat packing plant in the middle of this residential area? So many chains hanging from the ceiling. I wonder what kind of cage flashbacks Sam would have in here. (And if you fic that, I'd like to be notified, please and thank you.) Dean and Ketch search the place and then it gets cold and then Ketch is hurled against a wall. Hard. Lizzie Borden appears, prepared to take an ax to Dean's head, but an electronically altered voice says "Stop! Get out!" She zaps out and we see the voice belongs to... Kevin???

Turns out when Chuck said he was sending Kevin to Heaven, he lied. Um. Why? What's the rationale for this? I mean, he did things to make a good story, but what was the purpose of sending Kevin to Hell and not letting the Winchesters (or anybody else) know? Dean promises they'll get him to Heaven, and Kevin accept this happily, because Kevin knows that Dean always takes care of him, as promised. (Ha.) Kevin can feel the wards weakening, but he doesn't know if the other spirits can detect it. And the other spirits are afraid of Kevin because he was personally cast down by God. Um. Okay. WHATEVER. But this tells Dean they can use him as a spy.

Reno. Chuck is flipping through channels, and he spends a couple of seconds watching a cooking show where the recipe involves tripe. Which is so meta, isn't it?

He's whiny. I'm over it. So is Amara. And she suddenly detects (WHATEVER) that he needs her for some reason. She can feel his own version of the godhole? She pokes at it and it hurts. "Something happened. You're not complete. You're not at full strength."

Zone. Sam doesn't think using Kevin is safe. Well, he's already dead, so. Belphegor shows up and they're all, your wards are failing and he's all, duh, I told you that was happening, I thought you heroes would have this wrapped up by now. (Are they really fading due to the nature of wards, or is this deliberate? Discuss.) And this spell was a one-time thing - he can't do it again. Because...? We'll never know, because neither brother asks. WHATEVER.

This conversation is like some people. Stupid but pretty.

Belphegor knows Kevin and calls him a "whiny millenial" and my goodness, he gets around a lot for a low-level grunt, doesn't he? He tells the guys that Kevin can't get into Heaven because once a soul is cast into Hell, Heaven can't take it. I am quite sure that Show has forgotten about John and Bobby, who both accomplished that very thing, and I'm shocked to find Show actually address this. Belphegor says God made an exception, and that isn't likely to happen again, since God doesn't like them any more. Oh no! The only way to fix this is if someone else takes over for God!

Reno. Chuck checks out his own godhole, which looks just like Sam's. He pokes at it and winces in pain.

Zone. Sam feels pain in his own godhole. Because they're connected! He lies that he's okay and it's getting better and Dean's all yeah, right.

Sam, for a professional liar, you are so bad at it.

Zone. Spirit meeting. They know the wards are fading. Tumbelty thinks they should attack at a weak point, rather than waiting for the whole thing to collapse. Kevin shows up. They all know him, and some fear him. But Tumbelty knows he's buds with the Winchesters. Because all these spirits know the Winchesters. You know, I can understand all the demons knowing who they are. That's justified. But every resident of Hell? I'm not feeling it. WHATEVER.

High school. More heavy flirting between Rowena and Ketch. Somehow Ketch knows something she doesn't know - that a jolt of electricity will fast-forward her spell. Can we just skip this part? It makes as much sense as the Rowena/Gabriel detour when they were trying to open the rift. They're interrupted by a call from Dean, who demands she hurry. Yes, please.

Zone. Rowena shows up with a bag and runs right into Tumbelty. Who knows her. Because they used to date. All this romance for Rowena, and Sam's still sitting alone at the high school. Come on, Ro. Climb that mountain. Tumbelty tells her they've got Kevin, and sends a message for the Winchesters to meet them at their spirit house. Ketch shows up behind him, with his iron confetti gun, and blasts him, but Tumbelty whacks him with a rock. However, Rowena escapes.

{Commercial time. Zombieland 2 looks good.}

TFW is finally all together. Rowena tells them about Kevin. Dean asks if she has the soulcatcher, and for some reason, Sam has a problem with the name soulcatcher. I suppose this was supposed to be humorous. She does, but she doesn't know if it will work.

Spirit house. Winchesters show up. Tumbelty says if they shut down the warding, he won't devour Kevin. They say no. Tumbelty sticks his hand into Kevin, and this takes a really really long time, but Rowena finally shows up with the crystal and catches all of their souls. Boy, it's a good time devouring Kevin's soul took so very, very long. Rowena tells them this crystal isn't as powerful as the earlier version, and can only gather a few souls at a time. In fact, some of the souls here got away. Oooh, I wonder who.

Kevin tells them about the plan to break through the warding at the weakest point. Jump to the weakest point. There are at least 100 spirits there, according to Belphegor, and more are coming. Dean brings his gun up when someone approaches, but it's only Ketch. Oh, good, he escaped safely from Tumbelty's clutches! How fortunate. It's odd that he's no longer wearing that huge iron chain, though.

Dean tries shooting at the spirits they can't see, but Belphegor tells him there are too many. So Rowena goes forth with her soulcatcher. She still seems to be on this side of the warding, which means she's able to drag the souls through the barrier. I wonder if it would have worked better if she'd gone past the barrier. Then Ketch backhands her because, SURPRISE SURPRISE, he's actually possessed. He drips black goo from his eyes, just to confirm, and picks up the soulcatcher. Dean tries to shoot him, but is conveniently out of ammo. Tumbelty!Ketch monologues and then Dean pulls out his handgun and shoots him and he... tosses the soulcatcher to Dean? Drops it horizontally? Somehow, the thing ends up flying into Dean's hand.

WHATEVER.

(Or did Ketch toss it to him once he was depossessed? Discuss.)

Rowena takes it back and sucks up the few visible souls, including Tumbelty's. Yay! Success! Is Ketch alive? Dunno!

Time jump. Ketch is alive, with only a wounded shoulder, and is being loaded into an ambulance. Cas tells Sam that he tried to heal him, but couldn't. "You're just tired," Sam says. "We all are." Oh, I don't think so, Sam. Dean apologizes to Ketch, and lets us know it was an iron bullet, which is why it expelled Tumbelty. Ketch and Rowena exchange a longing glance. Dean stares. Angrily, maybe? Angry that Mary's ex dared to look for love again? Angry that Rowena is flirting with someone else right in front of Sam? Angry that Ketch is such a wuss that he actually needs an ambulance, and medical treatment, for a mere bullet to the shoulder? Angry that he's stuck inside a Buckleming episode? All of the above? He and Rowena exchange an uncomfortable look.

Aftermath! Kevin doesn't want to stay in the zone and hang out with the guys. He knows he can't get into Heaven, so he's just gonna ghost around and wander the earth. Sam tells him this is a terrible way to exist, and Kevin points out that it's better than Hell. And Kevin and Sam give us what might be the motto for just this episode, or maybe for the entire season:

I'm sorry, Kevin. I wish there was some way to make this right.

Me too. But there isn't. And sometimes, you just gotta accept that.

Kevin tells the Winchesters he loves them (d'aw) and they don't say it back (aw) and Belphegor quite easily makes a little opening in the barrier. So easily, that it really makes you wonder why he has so little power to keep it going. Yep, it sure does. Kevin is gone. Sad waves.

Reno. Amara is hitting the road. Chuck isn't invited. And she knows he's too weak to do anything about it. He can't leave this world without her help, and she ain't helping.

Zone. We see dozens of glowing souls flitting about. The warding won't last long. We need a plan B. "How," asks Dean. How indeed.

So. When I watched this for the first time last night, I desperately wanted to fast forward through the scenes with the spirits in the house. And the Ketch/Rowena stuff. It wasn't any better on rewatch. Some of this episode was just the usual Buckleming nonsense - badly written, stupid things happen for stupid reasons, yada yada yada. But the Kevin plot... can we blame that on the Buckleming? Or was that a showrunner master plan? Either way, it's annoying. And probably pointless. The only good thing about this episode was the confirmation of the connection between Sam and Chuck. I noticed a distinct lack of excitement on my Tumblr feed, so maybe a lot of us feel the same way. If you haven't watched this one yet, my vote is: don't bother.

Please help me stay unspoiled, thanks!

[alyssaiswriting]

Dead Man

Inspired by: ok so I recently saw Miss Bala and I loved it so much I couldn't get it out of my head so yuh this is inspired by that (there are no spoilers)

Before you read: This story is about Mexican drug cartels in Texas near the Mexican border. Also, you and Zabdiel grew up together.

Warnings: This story will contain, drugs, guns, violence, sexual harassment, and death so please don't read if you are sensitive to those things 

Summary: You’re in the wrong place at the wrong time (Y'all already know I suck at summaries lmaooo)

Word count: 2866

“I know mom, I'm just locking up then I'll head home," you say into your phone as you start turning off the lights of your family's restaurant.

You've just moved back home after 4 years of being away for school. Your parents needed help with the restaurant so you came back for them. "did you check the temperature of the freezer? I need it cold enough for the meats" your mom says.

"yes mother, it's cold, can I hang up now?" you roll your eyes, grabbing your keys and bag.

"OK, be careful y/n," she tells you this every night, you always walk home from the restaurant since it's only a couple blocks away from your house.

You step out of the building nodding even though she can't see you "ok Ma, see you in a bit" she says her goodbye and you hang up the phone.

You step out of the restaurant building and lock the door before dropping your phone and keys into your bag. The street is empty at this hour a few cars tend to pass by but for the most part, this area stays clear of people after 10.

It's currently midnight, the night sky at its peak darkness and you're lucky for the street lamps.

You suddenly become very aware of the sound of fast footsteps that echo off the walls of the buildings making you look around in search of where the noise might be coming from. As the footsteps get closer your heart pounds faster, you start taking out your keys to get yourself back inside the safety of the restaurant but when you turn around you're nearly tackled by a frantic man.

Your keys are knocked out of your hand but you're too scared to even notice "please help me" he begs "they're after me" he cries.

The man is so obviously on drugs and you're so taken aback by the whole situation that you don't even know what to do at the moment.

All of a sudden a truck come speeding down the street and the man before you is too busy trying to explain to notice- that is until it's too late.

The truck doesn't even fully stop before 3 men are jumping out. All three men have medium deep skin, two have bleached blonde hair that's kinda grown out while the other has buzz cut dark hair.

"You really thought you could run Sammy" one of the blonde headed men laughs. The man who you assume is Sammy turns away from you.

"Please I'll get you the money, I'll make it up to you somehow" Sammy is begging.

"Ay Sammy boy, you know the boss isn't that forgiving, you stole from us even though you knew it would cost you your life," the other blonde haired man says.

You - not wanting to be involved, slowing start backing away from the scene.

"I made a mistake! Please" Sammy cries.

"You know it's not up to me," the second one who spoke says as he quickly pulls out a gun and shoots Sammy right before your eyes. Blood splatters as Sammy's body falls to the ground, you watch as slowly starts pooling around him. You don't even realize your screaming due to your ears ringing from the sudden loud noise.

"Get her," the one who just killed Sammy tells the dark-haired man.

"No no no please" you start backing away as tears fall from your eyes. You turn to run but you don't even make it 3 feet before you're being grabbed and dragged back to their truck. The man grabs your pursing throwing it back onto the sidewalk.

"No, please let me go" you're screaming, thrashing, kicking, trying anything to get away. But it's no use as you're pushed onto stomach down on the backseats of the truck, you try kicking back at the man but he traps your legs down with his, you feel your hands being tied together as you cry into the seats.

You're lifted back up, your back pressed against the front of the man who grabbed you "if you don't shut the fuck up I'm going to shove my gun down your throat and I won't think twice before pulling the trigger" he snarls in your ear.

You suppress a sob, too scared to make a single sound now. You're shoved into the back seat, the man sliding in beside you.

You now take notices of the other two men in the front seat, the man who shot Sammy is in the driver seat not even taking a second to glance at you before starting the car and speeding away from your parent's restaurant- away from your life. Your body is shaking as you start going through different scenarios of what these men might do to you. 

"What's your name?" The man in the passenger seat turns to look at you. You don't respond you only glance at him before quickly looking away.

"You don't want to tell us your name?" He questions, you still don't say a thing, instead, you keep your eyes straight ahead at the dark road, tears falling from your eyes as you start driving down the road of your family home.

"It's okay, we don't need to know your name nena" the man turns in his seat.

As you pass your house you can see the light to the living room on, probably your mom waiting for you to come home. You swear you can feel your heart physically break in your chest as you drop your head and silently start praying. whether you were religious or not at that moment it didn't matter, it just felt natural to ask someone\something for help.

"shield her eyes," the driver says after 10 minutes of driving,  the man beside you covers your head with a black fabric, you don't even fight it.

A couple of minutes later the truck is stopped, you listen as doors are opened and slammed shut before you the door beside you opened and your forearm is gripped tightly as you're pulled out of the vehicle.

when the fabric is pulled off your head you realize you're standing before a giant warehouse and as you whip your head from side to side you notice it's in the middle of nowhere.

There are two men standing at the entrance of the building, the same man that killed Sammy nods his head "Sup Nick" he extends his fist "Yashel" Nick nods bumping his fist with the man who you now know goes by Yashel.

He then looks behind Yashel, he acknowledges the one who asked for your name in the truck earlier "Yashua" then he looks to the one holding you "Jaime", they both nod in acknowledgment.

"Tell Julio we had a witness, should we put her to work or kill her?" Yashel asks, Nick nods and gets out his phone. Your heart drops at Yashel' words, knowing exactly what he means by work "no" You start repeating as you try to pull away from Jaime's hold. "Let me go!" You scream, Yashel turns around pulling out his gun and aiming it at you, "we're giving you a chance, but I could kill you right now" he threatens.

You stop fighting, looking at the gun before looking at Yashel, his face is stone cold as he threatens your life. "I'd rather die than work as some warm hole for your people" you spit.

You can see Yashua behind Yashel smile at your words. "Feisty," Yashua laughs, "we like that" he winks.

"He wants to see her first, take her to him," Nick tells the men. Yashel doesn't take his glare off you as he shoves the gun back into his jeans. Yashua leads the way as Jaime pulls you even when you try to pull back, digging your feet into the ground not wanting to enter the building. But it's no use Jaime only pulls harder making you stumble forward as you walk with him.

The warehouse is empty not a single person in sight as you're brought to the elevator, all 4 of you enter the elevator, you can hear your heart pound in your ears as you start going through ways to escape or mentally beg any higher power to come and save you.

You start thinking back to where they took you from, the front of your parent's restaurant but you left nothing behind but your purse and phone, nothing to lead someone to where you are now. Maybe Sammy has obvious ties to these people and they'll know exactly who took you. 

Tears fall from your eyes once again. "You know" you feel Jamie come up behind you close to your ear "I really hope we don't have to kill you, you'd be a lot of fun," he says in your ear and you nearly vomit at the thought of being helpless and at any man's mercy. "Leave her alone, Jaime" you hear Yashel say behind you making Jaime pull away.

Soon the elevator doors open and you're brought out, this floor is full of people, your eyes catch sight of tables filled with packs of cocaine, and other smaller packs containing something you can't see, on the other side of the floor there are beds where some women look to be sleeping.

They take you past all that, you all enter a large room where a man is sitting at a desk, another man stands beside the desk, his attention on the a machine that is counting money.

The man sitting down looks up at you all, "leave us Chris" he tells the man by the machine. Chris nods and turns off the machine, acknowledging the other men with a nod as he leaves.

"Untie her," he tells the men before looking at me "sit down here bonita," the man tells you.

When you're hands are untied you don't make a move for the chair so Jaime grabs you, forcing you to sit on the seat.

" defiant aren't we?" The man raises an eyebrow. You don't respond "look if you cooperate we might be able to work something out, I mean after all, it was dark outside maybe you didn't really see anything," he says making hope rise in you.

"My names Julio Mendoza" he introduces himself, looking at you expectingly "y/n  y/l/n" you respond softly.

This man isn't as old as you'd expect some gang leader to be, maybe late 30s, he's cleanly shaven with dark eyes and darker hair, his skin is a nice shade of tan. He's dressed nicely, you take notice of the many large rings he has on his fingers, your eyes linger on a small snake tattoo that wraps around his thumb and when he lefts his hand up to scratch his temple you notice how the snake goes down his inner wrist.

Julio suddenly let's out a laugh so loud you jump, "do y'all know who you've brought me?" He asks the men behind you, you frown at his words.

"Does the name hector y/l/n ring a bell?" He says your uncle's name only adding to your confusion.

"The leader of los lobos," Yashel says, you turn to look at him, "who's los lobos?" You question looking back to Julio. "Hector runs the drug cartel on the other side of the city, I run this side, I want both" Julio walks over to you, he pushes a strand of hair behind your ear before cupping your cheek. "I think we're gonna keep you for a while, y/n"

You shake your head "no please" He let's go of you looking up at Yashel, "drug her, and put her to work, watch her make sure she doesn't get herself killed, she won't be any use to us after that"

"No" you cry as Yashel and Yashua grab at each of your arms lifting you up "no, please I'll do anything please" you beg but Julio isn't hearing it.

"Please" you shout as you're being dragged away, but then the boys stop as someone else walks into the room.

"What's going on?" You hear a voice ask. Snapping your head around you let out an inaudible gasp, Zabdiel's eyes meet yours as his mouth opens agape.

"The boys brought us a little present, she has ties with los lobos," Julio says smiling at the man you once knew. "I'm going to try to use her as a bargaining chip, the other side of the city for her life" you whine pulling at Yashua'a hold but he doesn't let up.

Zabdiel looks at you before looking back at Julio "where are they taking her?" He questions

"Oh we're gonna rent her out" Julio waves it off, a sob escapes your mouth as you shake your head.

You look to Zabdiel, his eyes meet yours before turning back "what if we can use her for something else?" Zabdiel steps closer to julio's desk.

"Z, have you seen her? She can bring in good money" you hearts pound in your chest. "No" Zabdiel shakes his head "I just think it'll look more natural to have a man and a women in the car to look like a couple when taking the drugs across the border. Less suspicious" Julio squints at Zabdiel before looking at me.

"You sure you want her? We haven't had time to break her, she'll try to escape" you swallow the lump in your throat.

"I can handle her" Zabdiel nods.

"what about Stephanie? you two work well together, no?"

"no, it's fine, I mean she's already here" Zabdiel gestures to you.

Julio gives Zabdiel a knowing look, "oh I see, you want first dibs?" You can't see Zabdiels face due to him being faced away from you.

Julio laughs "ok, but only because you deserve it"

—————

You're seated in the passenger seat of a car, your hands and legs tied with plastic ties, Yashua buckles you in before squatting down beside you outside of the car.

"You escape and your family will pay, so don't be stupid" he slaps your thigh once before standing to his full height and slamming the door.

You look into the rear view mirror to see Zabdiel loading bags into the trunk, the only sound you can hear is the sound of your breathing, and your pounding heart due to Yashua's words.

When Zabdiel gets into the driver seat he doesn't say a word as he starts the car and pulls out of the warehouse parking lot.

He doesn't say anything till we're 5 minutes from the building. "How did you get yourself into this mess y/n" he sighs.

"Me? Zabdiel what are you doing here?" You snap. "I was in the wrong place at the wrong time but you're working for these people?" Your voice cracks.

"You wouldn't get it" He shakes his head, his jaw clenching.

"What wouldn't I get?" You question. Zabdiel doesn't say anything, instead, he pulls off to the side of the road, shutting off the car.

He takes out a pocket knife and you flinch back slightly, Zabdiel frowns at you before using the knife to cut off the zip ties.

"Things have been different since you left" he says. "My dad got sick, my mom hasn't been able to hold down a job, we were struggling, I needed to find a job with more pay, Julio offered that to me" you don't speak so Zabdiel continues "I've done a lot of things y/n, bad things and I can't leave even if I wanted to" he lifts his hand up for you to see a tattoo a snake wrapped around his thumb leading down to his wrist like the one Julio has. "They own me"

You look away from him not responding, Zabdiel sighs putting his head down and you know he's thinking about his next move for you. 

The car is silent as memories of you and zabdiel's childhood play in your head, like all those times you both went to homecoming together from 7th grade till 10th before Zabdiel got a girlfriend. Or the time after prom when your date left you at a hotel cause you chickened out on having sex so zabdiel picked you up and took you to McDonald's. He refused to take you home unless you laughed at his jokes. Zabdiel was always funny and he knew if you didn't laugh then something was really wrong.

You remember all the Christmas' and New Years' his family spent with yours, how much your parents loved them.

Your heart pounds in your chest at the thought of how your parents must be feeling right now, not knowing where you are or if you're even still alive. It's like you can feel your heart physically breaking as a sob is released from your lips with out your permission. Tears starts streaming down your neck.

Zabdiel lifts his head, reaching over to grab your hand "hey" he calls for your attention and instinctively you look up at the sound of his soothing voice, " I know you're scared but I'm not going to let anything happen to y/n, I will protect you with my life"

[lucisfavoritedemon]

Not Another Flower to be Picked

Pairing: Dean x reader

Warnings: Language, feeling worthless, pent up anger, angst, slight fluff, a very fierce female main character (yes it's a warning), season 13/14 spoilers.

Word Count: 1881

A/N: Written for @atc74 Fierce Females of Fanfiction Challenge.

She had been living on her own for a long time. She knew how to take care of herself. She could survive days out in the that world and could never be seen. She thought that the camp would make a good temporary home for a while.

She was more in danger there, than she was anywhere. Angels always attacking, always moving, it was a life she couldn't lead. She would still visit though for a while.

A fierce woman who didn't want to stay put. Bobby always called her the flower that was hard to find. If you found it you have luck for all eternity.

The last time she went to the camp was the last time she ever saw that wretched place. For two brothers came and ripped her from its grip.

She didn't mind it though for she had seen the older one before in this world. She had seen him suddenly appear in a orangish warp. She was intrigued by him, so she did what she knew best. She followed wherever he went. She knew how to make herself go unnoticed.

Then the Angels spotted them and all hell broke lose. She was sure he was done for. She knew a recipe to help heal him of his wound.

She slipped the paper to the other man with him. And it worked. Deep down she knew she saved his life, but he would never know.

She knew how she felt towards the man, and she didn't try to hide it either. If you hid your feelings you were a coward. And she made that very clear to him which prompted him into asking her out.

Though the glory of the moment was soon shattered when Michael and Lucifer showed up.

The young Nephilim was able to hold his own with Michael, until Lucifer took his grace and vanished with him and Sam in tow.

Dean was so desperate to save them he did the unthinkable. He let Michael take over. And thus was lost to her for what she was forever.

~*~

"I'm going out I'll be back soon." She called from the entrance stairs.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sam said walking up behind her.

"I told you out."

"Not happening."

"But I..."

"No buts Y/n you know the rules."

"I can take care of myself you know?"

"I get that, but..."

"Do you Sam do you? I have spent my entire life running and fighting things that go bump in the night one tiny nest of vamps aren't gonna kill me. I've taken on dozens of nests at once by myself."

"I get that, but it's far too dangerous to be out on your own. Please just go back to your room or to the library. I need you doing what you do best."

"What I do best is hunting Sam. I know you say you get it but I really don't think you do."

"Please you are no good to us dead, so please just stay in the Bunker?"

"Fine, but only because I know you will never drop it until I do."

"Thank you. I actually have a favor to ask of you."

"What's that?"

"Do more research on the bodies found by that railroad in Ohio. We need more info on them."

"Let me guess, you Mary and Bobby are going to Duluth because it could be a possible lead on Dean?"

"Okay fine yes, but I need you here handling things while I'm gone. Can you do that for me?"

"Fine. On one condition."

"Name it."

"Next hunt no matter what you take me with. One hunt that's all I'm asking for."

"I can do that."

"'Kay I'll call you from the road if there are anymore leads, or anything suspicious."

"Thank you."

"No problem, oh and Sam?" Sam looked over his shoulder acknowledging her, "bring him home if you can."

"I will try my best Y/n."

Sam then gathered the remainder of his stuff and headed towards the garage. Y/n was left alone on for the tenth time since she had been living at the Bunker. She didn't care anymore if she was not following orders. Back in her world the only orders she followed was her own. She needed to take care of the nest ASAP or more people were going to die.

"Where do you think you're going?" Cas sneaked up behind her as she finished packing her duffle.

"Doesn't matter. Something that I need to take care of. Since our fearless leader won't do it."

"I know you don't mean that."

"I do Castiel. I do mean it. Innocent people are dying and I'm going to help them. If you dare call Sam and tell him I left I won't ever come back, and you won't be able to track me done either."

She then ran out of the room and up the stairs leaving the Bunker.

It took her 3 hours to drive, track, and kill the entire nest of vamps. She was proud of herself for she still had it in her. She never let herself get to cocky for that is letting your guard down.

She was back at the Bunker before anyone ever realized she was gone. Or so she hoped.

"Thank god you're alright." Cas said as she entered the Bunker.

"Of course I'm okay why?"

"Because Sam called from the road. Marry, Bobby, and he were tracking down Michael and there were Werewolves waiting for them. The thing is silver didn't kill them."

"Oh great he super freaked these monsters too. That's the last thing I need."

"What do you mean?" Cas looked at me still as confused.

"Michael juices monsters up with the perfect amount of grace. Just enough for them to become more powerful. Back home it was a select few, here it seems like every monster is gonna become that way."

"That's not good."

"No because they become harder to kill. Some even harder to identify."

"Great that is the last thing we need."

"What's the last thing we need?" Sam asked as he walked into the bunker.

"Powered up monsters that are harder to kill, and harder to identify." Cas answered for her.

"Great that is the last thing we need, but I do have a surprise for you Y/n."

"Sam I swear if you got me another freaking Bluetooth headset I'm gonna personally kill you myself."

"No, it's..."

Just then a man in a tux vest, white button up, and black pants walks in the room. Y/n knew this man, and was so thankful to have him back.

"How did you get him back from Michael?"

"Michael let me go sweet heart."

"No, I don't trust it. I don't trust him."

"Don't worry it's me, I promise."

"Okay...whatever you say Deano." She was hesitant though around him. She knew how Michael worked and Michael would just let his vessel walk away.

Dean went to change out of what was left of his tuxedo, while Sam stayed out to question Y/n about her whereabouts.

"So how was research?"

"It was good I didn't find anything suspicious about the bodies, but looks like Michael was behind it."

"Yeah trying to create the perfect weapon for his army apparently."

"That doesn't sound good."

"Yeah it's not. Plus you have already known that had you been around here when I told Cas. So where did you go?"

"You know what I am tired of always sitting on the sidelines waiting to help but never getting to because you are worried about me. Well news flash Winchester. I was doing totally fine on my own with no one but me. I'm sure I could handle a tiny best of vamps, and I did. No back up no nothing."

"You promised me you would stay put."

"I know, but I couldn't just sit around while our fearless leader was chasing something that can't be reality. Dean was gone. I was willing to accept that why couldn't you?"

"Because he's my brother!"

She knew that once Michael had people they were gone. There was no saving them.

"I'm out here. Time to move on." She stated grabbing her duffle from under the table.

"You're going to break his heart."

"It's better than still seeing a monster I stand him to turn into. It will happen Sam. Trust me."

Just like that she was gone. On her own again. She ached from not having Dean by her side, but she couldn't stand to have him dangled in her face. She couldn't show Michael that he was her weakness. She had to stay strong to survive.

~*~

"I told you boys about that girl. She is feisty, but good to have around. She is lucky." Bobby informed them.

"You keep saying that, but where is the luck?" Sam asked not seeing where Bobby was going.

"She is rare. She had never allowed herself to love because of how she has learned to survive on her own. But she isn't to be toyed with either. She may not show it but she is sensitive. One wrong move and she's gone. Without a trace."

"We could track her down though..."

"Good luck with that." A voice rang through the ears of all three of the men.

"Y/n?" Dean looked astonished like he was seeing things.

"Hi ya Deano."

"I thought you were gone forever?"

"Not forever just temporary."

"Good. Are you here to stay?"

"On a few conditions."

"Name 'em."

"I go on hunts more often, I will not be another flower to be picked for my beauty and left to die. I will be wild, difficult to find, and impossible to forget."

"Got it. You have a deal."

"Dean?"

"Sam I lost her once I'm not losing her again. If she wants to go on more hunts let her. I know why you kept her here, but I trust her."

"Fine, but if one thing goes wrong I put my foot down on her going anymore."

"Sam? I know you're scared of losing me, but they me I have been surviving in that world my whole life. Even before Michael took over. I have always been on my own. I know how to fend for myself. If something happens it'll be my fault. I have learned to keep my guard up. Never let it down. I will be careful."

"Fine."

"Another thing, if I had gone out and taken those vamps out. How many do you think there were?"

"Nests can vary, but since you took them on by yourself I'd say maybe five at the most."

Y/n was soon gonna wipe that smile of his face. For what she was about to tell him was gonna make him think twice about whether she can take care of herself.

"15 Sam. I took down 15 vamps by myself. No help. 3 hours total."

"I say we let her take care of herself aye Sammy. That's my girl." Dean said slapping his brother's shoulder then running to his girl and kissing her lips.

"I know I say I don't need a hero but even sometimes a girl needs saving."

"Oh really?"

"Not this one, but nice try Deano."

[nicklangfordmuse]

[ surprise kiss ]  for  your  muse  to  kiss  my  muse  out  of  no  where

Nick had to accept the fact that his part in Katrina's life now is back to just being her dad's partner at work. He was carefully welcomed back into town and for the sake of his sanity, everyone's trying to help him get back some normalcy to the life he used to have. Even if Katrina's engaged, she and her partner agreed to let Nick into their lives. After all, Katrina felt responsible for what happened to Nick. He saved her at the bank and while he did it because he loved her, she still feels like she owes her life to him. It took days of arguing with Aaron until he finally agreed to this new set up.

Nick found a new apartment, unfortunately, on the same street as Katrina's place. It was the only option for him near the station. Frank had offered to let him stay at his house but Nick knew it was more inevitable to see Katrina if he stayed there. He never stopped loving Katrina all those years, thinking when he comes back, she would still want to be with him. Now that he's certain she's moved on, he's ready to do the same.

One night, he received an unexpected text from Katrina. It was out of the blue and he didn't even know Katrina had his number. Thankfully, she introduced herself.

"Hey, Nick. It's Katrina. I got your number from my dad. My dad told me you live nearby and I was wondering if you're home."

His body quickly rose from the bed, rubbing his eyes to make sure he was reading the text correctly. Seeing the message was real, Nick got curious. This is the first time that she's willingly approaching him in nearly five plus years. Is there something wrong? "Yeah. I'm home, Kat. Are you okay?" He asked, sending the text as he impatiently waited for a response. It was late but his mind's definitely awake now. Nick started pacing around the room, feeling like the seconds are passing by like minutes. It took a while before he got a response so when he heard his phone buzz again, he ran for it and opened the message like a teenage lover boy waiting for his high school crush's message.

"I'm good. I just need a little help. Aaron's out of town and my dad's still on duty. He told me to send you a text since you live nearby. Sorry for the disturbance. I know it's late." She replied and Nick felt hesitation as well as carefulness in her response, probably why she's taking minutes before she hits send.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it. What do you need? I'm up and having coffee anyway." He replied, which was clearly a lie since he was trying to sleep already. Minutes passed by again before he got another response from her.

"The power went out in my house and the breaker needs to be restarted. I'd do it but I'm not sure about the switch. Aaron usually does this stuff."

Nick read the message carefully, feeling a big gulp in his throat. If her fiance is out of town and she needs help, that means she wants him to come over. But clearly, she just needs help and this doesn't mean anything else. "I can restart the breaker for you. Do you need me to go now?" He asked, trying to be respectful of her personal space.

"Yes, please. It's getting uncomfortable in this summer heat. Penny and Sammy Grace can't take it." She replied, which she immediately regret, feeling like she said too much. She was practicing the cold shoulder but the warmth she usually has for Nick showed.

Surprised, Nick felt a grin on his face. The first and last time he went to Katrina's house, he didn't know Penny and Sammy Grace were still with her. To him, it feels like she just gave him update on their 'kids'. Is this what divorced parents feel? "I'll be there in two minutes." He responded with a smiling emoji. It feel like decades since they've interacted with him smiling.

Nick got to her house faster than the two minutes he told her but maybe Katrina was just anxiously waiting for him that two minutes felt like two seconds. They both have different senses of time right now. She feels like time is moving so fast and he feels like time is slowing down. But the moment he stepped foot inside her home, time felt so slow to her and so fast to him.

"It's in the basement. There's a ladder down there you can use to reach the breaker." She immediately told him, leading Nick downstairs. Not even a hi or hello and Nick just followed her. This was just purely business and not a catch up. She didn't even bother looking him in the eyes as she tried to avoid that connection. The moment she sees her eyes, she was sure to be a goner.

They went down to the basement with Katrina using her phone as a flashlight. Scanning the room with her light, she tried to look for the ladder Aaron usually uses.

"Where's...where's he?" He suddenly asked and Katrina felt her shoulders tense a little. "He's...in Atlanta for the week. Business trip." She answered calmly, spotting the ladder as she went towards it and Nick followed. "Here's the ladder." She added, turning to him so he would get it. "The breaker's on the other side. I don't know why it's up there but it's already there when we got the place." She explained.

Carrying the ladder, Nick brought it closer to where the breaker is. He got the ladder ready but he has questions in his head. "What happened here? Does this happen a lot with your breaker?"

"It's an old model and we already called the company to replace it but the earliest they could schedule us is tomorrow. They told us to just restart it whenever the power shuts down. Aaron usually does this stuff." She explained and hearing the guy's name just makes his skin crawl. Nick didn't want to hear it but if he's gonna be civil around Katrina, he has to get used to it.

"That doesn't sound safe. Especially when you're home alone." Nick said as he climbed up the ladder. But somehow, he was glad that the breaker shut down because then, he wouldn't be here in her home. Her light wasn't helping since it's too far and too little so Nick used his own phone to read through the instructions on the breaker. He noticed a wire that needed immediate repair. "This looks dangerous. Do you have an electrical tape?" Nick asked and Katrina groaned lightly. She just needed him to restart the system, why is he trying to fix this?

"Just restart the thing, Nick. The company's replacing the breaker tomorrow. You don't have to do anything else." Katrina said and Nick sensed her annoyed tone but he knows stuff like this, especially since he had to do most things when he was under witness protection. "This isn't safe to wait till the morning, Katrina. I just have to close the loose wire. This could start a fire while you're asleep." He tried to explain calmly, knowing how she just needed him to leave as soon as possible. But he couldn't let her go to sleep with a possible fire-starter problem in her breaker.

Groaning to herself, she went to the table and looked for tools. Nick asked for a screwdriver and plies as well, figuring he'd check on the whole thing as well. Getting the tools, she gave him the three things he needed but with the light out, he couldn't work alone. "Uhm...could you...get up here and help me with the light? I only have two hands." Nick asked, chuckling very lightly.

Katrina knew that if she got up there, she'd be too close to him — the closest she'd be with him in years and she wasn't sure if she could take it. "Can't you see it when I do this?" Katrina asked, pointing her phone's light up to the breaker but it was too far. "It's far, unfortunately." Nick said. He feels like he was asking too much from her so Nick tried to work on the wires with little to no light.

With his silence, Katrina could tell she was struggling so the guilt took over her. He just needed her little help and she was the one who asked him to come over. Suddenly, Nick lost the light and felt the ladder's little movement, seeing Katrina was climbing up on the other side.

Nick smiled, glad that she was agreeing to give him the little help he needed to work on the breaker. "Careful." Nick murmured as she climbed up, the boyfriend in him coming out. It gave Katrina chills because she's craved for his gentle care for years and now that she got a glimpse of it, she couldn't accept it. Once she was up there, Nick naturally held her by the arm to make sure she wouldn't fall. Katrina was sure her tensed gulp was heard loud and clear. "Just...hold here and use your other hand for the light." Nick told her quietly. No one could hear them anyway but he feels like they're in their own little world. Katrina did as she was told, holding a light up to the breaker. "Like this?" She asked and with the light present, she saw that Nick was staring at her.

"Perfect." He said, mesmerized to look at her this up close. Katrina couldn’t avoid his gaze anymore as they looked at each other for a full five second before he cleared his throat and shifted his attention back to the breaker. “Perfect. This is perfect light.” He clarified, clearing his throat again. Showing her the wire, she figured she’d understand how dangerous it was when she sees the loose wire. “This could cause a fire.” Nick told her and Katrina nodded, glad that Nick saw it immediately. “I’ll just wrap it with an electrical tape and this should be safe enough till the breaker gets replaced tomorrow.” Nick added.

They were both quiet as he worked on the breaker, opening the tiny cabinet as well to check for other loose wires. As he suspected, there were two more that needs to be wrapped in tape so Nick worked on that. Katrina then noticed how he was sweating as he worked. The idea of him possibly getting electrocuted worried her so she got the soft lace of her robe and wiped the sweat dripping from his face. Nick felt his breath hitched as his lips trembled. Looking at her, he wondered why she did that because he definitely forgot how to breathe for a second.

“Sorry.” Katrina apologized, letting out a soft scoff. “Electricity and sweat...doesn’t sound safe either.” She explained, chuckling lightly and Nick grinned at her weakly. “Uhm...thanks.” He said, finishing the last wire and closing the cabinet again. Now, it was time to restart the breaker but the moment he does this, it’s over. It would be time for him to go. Did he want to go home? Yes. Did he want to stay here a little longer too? Definitely. But he shouldn’t. After a few seconds of debating in his head, he finally restarted the system. “Just...a few seconds before I can turn it back on.” He murmured and Katrina nodded. The silence and stillness right there was making his heart beat out of his chest. Having Katrina this close, there’s usually one thing he does and his head was playing games with him. Will he or won’t he? 

Turning the breaker on again, Katrina turned the light off on her phone since there will be light again just a few seconds but once it was complete darkness, his lips connected with hers and she felt frozen in time. Her eyes closed as she felt her body being thrown back to years ago. They were both frozen in that spot but the moment the lights turned on, they both gently pulled back as reality slowly crept in. 

“I’m...I’m sorry. I...I didn’t mean to.” Nick immediately apologized and Katrina was just speechless. She didn’t know what to say but she didn’t pull back either at the first chance she could. She waited for the kiss to end and for him to pull back before she could, as if she wanted that kiss too. “It’s okay. I’m sorry too.” She said, pressing her lips together, trying to avoid the eye contact again. “Thanks for...the help.” She added, refusing to acknowledge what just happened. Suddenly, Nick sneezed on his sleeve, signaling a third company in the room.

“Penny, what are you doing here?” Katrina asked, going down the ladder to go to her cat. Nick smiled at the sight of the pet he missed along with Katrina, even if the cat gave him allergies. Going down the ladder, Penny was about to go to Katrina but saw another familiar face so she went to Nick instead. “Hey, Penny girl. How are you?” Nick asked, kneeling down to pet the cat. He’ll just have to take his allergy meds later when he gets home. The cat recognized her former dad figure and sweetly snuggled her face to Nick. 

“Your allergies, Nick.” Katrina reminded, not sure how to respond to this. The cat still knows who he is. She didn’t forget so what makes Katrina think she’ll ever forget Nick? “It’s fine. I missed her.” He insisted, petting the cat more who looked like she missed Nick just as much. Suddenly, he remembered someone else. “Is...Sammy Grace here too?” Nick asked subtly, even though she already told him via text earlier that both their pets are still with her. “She’s in my room. Sleeping, supposedly.” Katrina said, blocking the idea of him seeing their other pet. They’re not here to catch up. She just needed his help and now that he’s done his part (and even got an unexpected kiss which she refuses to acknowledge), it was time to say goodbye.

Nick sensed it, that she needed him out of the house already since this is her safe haven, a place that she shares with her fiance. Pressing his lips together, Nick nodded as he got up. “I’ll get going. I’m sorry again for wha—”

“Thanks, Nick. For fixing the breaker.” Katrina cut him off before he could bring up the kiss again. “I’ll show you to the door.” Katrina said, calling Penny to follow her upstairs. Letting a breath, Nick just kept his mouth shut and followed Katrina to the front door. “Thanks again. Have a good night.” Katrina said, avoiding his gaze before she falls trap into it again. 

“Goodnight, Kat.” Nick said, giving her a nod as he walks out of the house. Katrina closed the door and leaned her back to it. She regrets what happened down in the basement but she hates it more how much she missed his lips. Slowly, she dropped to the ground and felt her eyes water, feeling guilty and angry at herself for allowing the kiss to happen.

Nick walked by the quiet neighborhood, still thinking about the kiss. He missed her lips so much and her entire being but as much as he loved getting to kiss her again, he wished it happened on a different circumstance, where he’s the fiance and not the estranged ex-boyfriend.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XCVI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

And You are not here... (Part IV)

(13x05)

Hello my friends! How are you? We arrived to the episode in which Castiel comes back. Yay!

Okay, Dean will be particularly suicidal in this one, and we will have a lot of foreshadows for the incoming possesion.

So, let's talk about this...

Dr. Meadows and The Open Door

The ghost of Dr. Meadows was a blatant foreshadow of AU!Michael. They wore the same apron, experimented with people and monsters and also, the doctor made lobectomies and literally, git inside the patients' heads. Is a symbolism for what Michael will do with Dean.

Look at the doctor...

(gif credit @aborddelimpala)

Yep, the same apron and he burns... Just like Michael will do.

Also this scene...

(gif credit @celestialsonata7 )

The masks, different mask the crazy doc wore, are a symbolism of the different faces Michael will take through season 14.

Another clue of how the season 14 will go, is this tiny dialogue between the two boys at the beginning of the episode, before trying to get inside the Dr. A Meadows Mental Health Center.

Evan: I told you it’d be unlocked.

Shawn: Why would they leave it open?

Leaving the door open, will be seen again in episode 14x02, and it plays a symbolic foreshadow for what will happen with Dean, Michael will leave him but then, he will possesse him again in 14x09. "Leaving the open door for the second possession."

So, if we follow this same statement, we can say Shawn is Dean here. He represents Dean after being possesed, the PTSD.

Penny: Shawn, he….won’t talk. He can’t.

Sam: What do you mean?

Penny: The doctors say…he’s okay physically, that it’s psychological. You know, trauma, like he…he…saw some – saw something so…awful. God I don’t even know what he was doing out that late.

This is a representation of how Dean will be trying to face all the whirlwind of feelings and trauma after Michael leaves him. The kid is muted, just like Dean will avoid talking about the possession. And Shawn draws obssesively, the doc's masks, as Dean will be obssesed in kill Michael after being possesed. (14x03).

Then...

Penny: And, uh, Evan, he’s still missing. Uh… He, Shawn, and their friend Mike Ramos, they’re inseparable.

This is how TFW will be separated because of Michael.

We have another visual narrative clue in Shawn's room, when his mother gets in because he was having a nightmare.

There's a pic on his wall, and is a foreshadow of this scene from 14x04...

The picture shows a red background and a terrifying silhouette of a person. The entire room is Dean's mind. The red color talks about his toxicity. The monster is Michael/John Winchester and his own fears, guilts and toxic behavior, like violence.

The mother is wearing green, as a reminder of Dean Winchester's innocence, usually Scooby Doo represents that too.

The monster doc appears inside of his dreams (head) and also in his own room, as a foreshadow of Michael looking though Dean's eyes, and his possesion.

Dr. Meadows appears in his room, literally possesse the kid, he grabs the mask and put it on his face! Is a blatant symbolism of AUMichael!Dean! and they leave the house. Just like Michael will do with Dean at the end of the season. And also, the meaning of Shawn that escapes the first time but not the second one, is talking about the dynamics of season 14: Michael will leave, Dean will be free just for a few days, before being possesed again, more strongly than before, in season 9.

Suicidal Dean and Sam trying to cheer him up.

If we recall the previous episode, Sam was very shocked because his brother confessed to him he didn't have faith anymore.

At the beginning of the episode we had this dialogue between Sam and Dean...

Sam: Hey

Dean: Hey

Sam: PB&J for breakfast? Strong work.

Dean: Yep.

Well, we all know who was the one telling us that PB&J sandwich was his favorite, right? So... This is not a new observation, but that little clue over there is screaming DEAN MISSES CAS.

So we will have a very cheerful Sammy, giving Dean beer in the morning, pushing him to go to a strip house, and literally, trying to give his brother every usual item he runs into when he is depressed for losing people. He even let Dean being under the number of Agent Page. Their fav.

When Dean sees this, he faves his brother, asking him why he's been so nice to him.

Dean: Okay. Look, I-I’ve been down this road before and I fought my way back. I will fight my way back again.

Sam: How?

Dean: Same way I always do – bullets, bacon, and booze. [Rings front desk bell] A lotta booze.

This is very important, because Billie will refute it in this same episode...

So Dean eats a lot of bacon and stuffs, he drinks a lot, and he even goes to the strip house. But all is fake.

They had their first encout er with Dr. Meadows... And this alarming scene is showed to us...

(Gif credit @smartiespn )

Dean wanted to die here. He wasn't fighting back. He was accepting his death. Why? Is he so affected by Castiel's death and Mary that he wants to die? But why because of Mary, he had lost parents before, John, Bobby, and his convo of bullets, booze and sex worked back then. But why isn't working now? Because the variable her is CASTIEL. He lost the love of his life and nothing will be fine again. SO DEAN WANTS TO DIE BECAUSE CAS DIED. The convo would work with Mary but not with Castiel.

Then, Dean plans a suicidal way out to save the ghosts. He does it so quick, Sam can't react to it. Dean literally kills himself in front of Sam.

The dialogue between Billie and Dean shows again that Dean is in so bad shape, he doesn't want to live, he changed after Castiel's dead. He won't recover of losing the love of his life, his faith. He knows Sam can move on from him. He is able to keep going. But Dean wants to stop. Because Castiel is dead.

Dean: So… am I dead?

Billie: You killed yourself.

Billie is pointing at Dean's suicidal behavior with that plan, because this time is different.

Dean: No. Are you keeping me dead?

Billie: Now that depends on you.

Billie is saying this because she is supecting Dean is different. Dean wanted this. So she tastes waters.

After this there's a negotiation, because Billie wants to know about the AU, because is very important to balance. And the Winchesters just keep bringing chaos.

But Dean exchanges the freedom of the ghosts from the Meadows House for information, the ghosts are released but the deal caught Billie's attention that when she asked for WHAT DEAN REALLY WANTED, Dean choose the ghost and not come back to life.

Billie: Because I do. Because…this whole multi-versal quantum construct we live in, it’s like a house of cards. And the last thing I need is some big, dumb Winchester knocking it all down.

This is important because we do know now Billie hated Dean for this.

Then, the truth is revealed...

Billie: You’ve changed. When you bargained with me just now, you could’ve asked to go back, to live.

Dean: Well, I figured with you in charge, there’s no getting back for me.

Billies faces him with her suspicions, but Dean lies.

Billie: That doesn’t sound like the Dean Winchester I know and love. The man who has been dead so many times but it never seems to stick. Maybe you’re not that guy anymore, they guy who saves the world, the guy who always thinks he’ll win no matter what. You have changed. And you tell people it’s not a big deal. You tell people you’ll work through it but you know you won’t, you can’t and that scares the hell out of you. Or… am I wrong?

(Gif set credit @justjensenanddean )

Dean's silence confirms Billies suspicions. Dean's silence is affirming she just read his mind. He won't be okay, never again. Because this time is different, this time Castiel is dead, forever dead, and he really believe Cas won't come back. Life lost its meaning to him.

Dean: What do you want me to say? Doesn’t matter. I don’t matter.

Billie: Don’t you?

Dean really want to stay dead. He is so sad and lost, he doesn't want to live anymore. Nothing matters if Castiel is gone.

Dean: I couldn’t save Mom. I couldn’t save Cas. I can’t even save a scared little kid. Sam keeps trying to fix it, but I just keep dragging him down. So I’m not going to beg. Okay, if it’s my time, it’s my time.

Dean even is feeling guilty because Sam had lost his faith in the previous episode, and because now he is very worried about him.

Billie: You really believe that. [Dean shakes his head yes] You wanna die. Dean…every notebook on this particular shelf tells a version of how you die. You specifically, heart attack, burned by a red-haired witch, stabbed by a ghoul in a graveyard, and on and on. But which one’s right? That depends on you, on the choices you make.

Dean: Well, I guess I made my choice.

Here people, here! Billie makes the diagnosis and confirms his suspicious. Dean wants to be dead. And then she gave a him again the opportunity of come back to life, but Dean doesn't want to come back. He wants to remain dead! He's sure about it! He confirms it again when he says I GUESS I MADE MY CHOICE.

Billie: But…unfortunately none of these books say you die today.

The word unfortunately is not just for her but for him too. Because Dean really wants to be dead.

After this revealing and scaring dialogue, we were shown how deep Dean was into his depression for losing Castiel.

Then, another sad dialogue with his brother...

Sam: You okay?

Dean: No. Sam, I’m not okay. I’m pretty far from okay. You know, my whole life, I always believed that what we do was important. No matter what the cost, no matter who we lost, whether it was Dad or – or Bobby or –. And I would take the hit. But I kept on fighting because I believed that we were making the world a better place. And now Mom and Cas… And I – I don’t know. I don’t know.

Sam: So now you don’t believe anymore.

Dean: I just need a win. I just need a damn win.

Dean is tired, and now he has to live, without Cas, in the real world, and he's tired.

But then... And because "Cas wanted to come back to him with a win" and Dean had just asked for win, Castiel comes back to him. Castiel is his win.

The face Dean puts when he receives Castiel's call is priceless. He is in shock, he can't reply, he can't talk. Is a mix of feelings. He can't believe Cas is alive.

Then the encounter, adorned as if it was a wedding, or how some people described, a parallel to Romeo and Juliet encounter, with the Sam cross as the witness, and the song playing in the background, exhaustively analyzed, "It's not too late to start all over again."

(Gif set credit @codestielckles )

To Conclude:

This episode was magnificently written by Yockey, it was full of symbolism that pointed out to foreshadows to season 14, Michael and Dean's possesion.

But it also showed us how deep was Dean's depression, and which was the real cause of it: CASTIEL PERMANENT DEAD, the idea of not getting him back made Dean's life to lose its meaning. He didn't want to be alive in a world where Cas wasn't there.

Hope you like this meta. See you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you want to be added or removed from this list just let me know.

If you wanna read my previous metas from season 13 here you have the links:

Vol. XCIII, XCIV, XCV

Buenos Aires, January 10th 2021 1:03 PM

[msmarvelouswinchester]

What The Heart Wants

Summary - Dean thinks his heart's deepest desire is to cast Michael out of his head but is that really his heart's deepest desire?

Pairing - Dean x Reader

Warning - Angst, Swearing TW : Character Death

A/N - This is written for @katymacsupernatural Make Me Feel Challenge (I hope you cry a little lol)

My prompt was "I don't want an apology"

Spn divider by @talesmaniac89

Beta'd by the lovely @deanwanddamons

"I don’t know. I-I guess you – you hold the pearl and – and concentrate on what your heart desires," Sam said and gave Dean the pearl

"You think it will work?" Dean said looking at the pearl in his hand.

"I guess so," Sam frowned.

"Michael outta my head. Got it,” Dean said and balled up his fist.

"See, it didn't work’” Dean scoffed, "I can still feel Michael in my head banging those doors.”

"Dean?" Dean turned around and his breathing hitched at the sight of you. He couldn't believe his eyes. You looked the same as the last time he saw you.

"Y/N?" Dean said and walked towards you. He stretched out his hands, tangling his fingers with yours. You weren't an image his mind was conjuring up. You were real.

"De, wh-what is this place? Who-are you Sam? Shouldn't you be in college?"

"College? No,” Sam narrowed his eyes at the unknown girl in front of them.

"Dean, what's happening? Why are we here? Shouldn't we be in Omaha?" You looked around the place with confusion in your eyes.

"Omaha? What year is this?" Dean asked.

"2004.” You said.

"No. It's 2020. I think-I think we summoned you.”Dean's voice cracked at the end.

"Summoned me?" You frowned at his words.

"Yeah. Dean, can I talk to you for a second?" Sam asked Dean with his brows raised.

"S-sure", Dean said, his eyes still focused on you, "stay here.” Dean reluctantly let go of your hand. He thought that you would disappear into thin air once he lets you out of your eyesight. He followed his brother to another section of the bunker. Sam started to speak when he realised you were out of their earshot.

"Who is she?" Sam asked.

"Her name is Y/N. She's a hunter. I met her during a ghost hunt after you went off to college. I was hunting alone - Dad was god knows where. She's the toughest hunter I know. She had saved my ass on that ghost hunt,” Dean smiled softly at the memory.

"Then why haven't I met her? How did you summon her?" Sam started firing various questions at his brother.

"You don't know her 'cause she died,” Sam looked up at Dean in surprise, "And I don't know why I summoned her.”

"You had the pearl. It definitely has something to do with you Dean.” Sam frowned at the older Winchester.

"I don't kn-" Dean started to say, but stopped when he noticed Sam frowning at him, "I summoned her maybe because I wanted some more time with her. I loved her Sammy.”

Sam saw something in Dean's eyes he never thought he would see. A small smile was playing on Dean's lips and his eyes shone with a sliver of happiness in them. Sam understood in that moment how important you were to his brother.

"Come on, let's go and properly meet Y/N", Sam said and went back to the library of the bunker,Dean following him.

"It's so nice to meet you Y/N!" Sam pulled you into a bone crushing hug suddenly.

"Can't breathe,”you gasped.

"Sorry,”Sam released you from his hug.

"It's nice to meet you too Sam.”

"I'll leave you two alone. Give you both some space.”

Sam left the room but not before your eyes met with him. His eyes were clouded with various emotions. You couldn't quite place a finger on them, but there was a sense of vulnerability in the way the boys spoke to you. You still hadn't met the 2020 version of yourself and you were dreading meeting her. She was you, but judging by Dean's looks, something bad had happened to you.

"Did I die?" You asked the obvious question. You always knew that your end was going to be bloody - that's what happened to most hunters, but asking about your death still made a shiver run down your spine.

Dean nodded slowly. You squeezed your eyes shut.

"Yes. You die, in front of me,” Dean said and hung his head in shame, "I couldn't save you. I broke the promise. I watched as the werewolf ripped your heart out. I couldn't"- Dean choked on his words.

"When do I-" you lips quivered at the thought of the inevitable.

"Sixteen years ago. On August 25th, 2004,”As Dean said those words, his voice was overwhelmed with sadness.

"So I died two months later and all this time you had to live without me", you said, gasping lightly at the thought. You got up from your seat and walked up to Dean.

"I couldn't do anything. I-I promised to keep you safe,” Dean looked up at you, your own eyes meeting the beautiful green eyes that you loved so much.

"'I'm sorry.” Dean pulled you towards him, pressing his face into your chest. You threaded your fingers lightly through his hair.

"'M sorry,” Dean said again, his voice muffled.

"I don't want an apology, Dean,” you said. Dean let go of you, a single tear rolled down his cheek. You went down on your knees, your face now directly in front of his.

"I know", Dean said, his voice strained, "I know you can never forgive me. It's all my fault. I-I should have protected you. I-" you cut off his words by pressing your lips onto his. You felt Dean kissing you back and you melted into the kiss. You finally broke the kiss when you felt your lungs screaming for air.

"Dean, I don't want an apology, because you have nothing to apologise for. My death was inevitable. Baby, we are hunters, that's the only way we will go out,”you cleared your throat, tears were streaming down your face too, "You need to understand it's not your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself. You need to forgive yourself.”

"I never forgave myself Y/N/N. I loved you so much. I still do. I still think about you every night. I-I still think how everything would have turned out if you didn't-" Dean said. Your heart broke for the man in front of you. He was Dean Winchester, he was your Dean but something was so different about him. He didn't seem as carefree as he was in 2004.

"What happened to you?" you asked the man in front of you. He looked like the shell of the man he once was. His eyes were now almost emotionless. Something terrible had happened to him. "What happened to you, Dean?"

"Heaven, hell, purgatory - everything.” Dean scoffed.

"Hey Y/N? I hope you like pizza because we don't have anything else in here,” Sam chuckled while coming back to the library with a big box of pizza and three bottles of beer.

You nodded, glad that Sam came by to interrupt your conversation with Dean.

"So how did this whole summoning thing happen?" You asked, biting into a slice of pizza.

"The archangel Michael is riding shotgun in my head. We got hold of a pearl which fulfills your heart's deepest desire. I was using it to cast Michael out of my head which resulted in summoning you,”Dean said and shrugged at you.

"Archangel Michael? What happened in these last sixteen years, boys?"

"So you boys saved the world, huh?" You couldn't help but feel proud for the boys. You were also feeling a little sad, knowing that you wouldn't be with the boys throughout their adventures.

"More than twice.” Sam said excusing himself when his phone rang.

"So what do you think?" you asked the man who was stuffing his face with pizza. You giggled at his childish behaviour. All these years, and he hadn’tchanged at all.

"Thinb abaf whap?" Dean asked with his mouth full.

"This. What if this is a second chance?" You asked.

Dean swallowed down his food.

“Second chance for a Winchester, that's rare,”Dean scoffed.

“What if this is the second chance? You deserve it, Dean. You both deserve some happiness in your life,”you told him

“Uh-guys, I think we have a problem. See this”, Sam came back to the library and showed the video that was playing on his phone to you and Dean who gave you a ‘I told you so’ look and turned to his brother.

“What? I always knew you were a nerd but this is- what is this? Welcome to Sam Winchester’s TED talk?” Dean scrunched up his face in disgust when he heard Sam talk about the benefits of eating Kale, “Dude, this is weird - even for us! But you are here with us, then who is that Kale loving weirdo?”

“I think it's a temporal paradox,”Sam said.

“A temporal what?” Dean asked.

“Y/N from 2004 is zapped to 2020 so the timeline is correcting itself. If Y/N doesn't die, I never went back to hunting life because you both searched for Dad and killed the yellow eyed Demon and that means”-

“That means Mom doesn't come back and you become this Sam ‘I love Kale’ Winchester,”Dean cut off Sam’s words and completed the sentence himself.

“So how do we get this back to normal?” You asked the brothers.

“No, you are not serious about going back...I don't wanna lose you again, sweetheart,”Dean croaked out.

"I know. But if I don't go back, you will never get Sam back or your mom. It's me against your mother and brother.” You cracked a smile at Dean.

“I guess destroying the pearl will send you back,” Sam said.

“Let's do it then.”You swallowed thickly. You didn't want to leave Dean but it was wrong. This wasn't your life. You should be dead.

“No please, let's think this through. There has to be another way. We can make this work.” Dean pleaded.

“De, I know how you're feeling. It's honestly killing me to say goodbye to you, but you gotta understand, you have lived sixteen years without me - that's your life. This isn't your life. You gotta let me go,”you said.

Dean pulled you into a tight embrace. He clinged onto you as if his life depended on it. You pressed your lips on Dean's head.

“Dean look at me.” You cradled his face in your hands, making him look up. His eyes were starting to tear up. You had never seen Dean Winchester like this, and it shattered your heart.

“I know even if I say it, it won't make things better but it will be okay.” you softly said. Dean let go of you but pulled you into a bruising kiss.

“Do it Sammy.”Dean said after breaking the kiss.

Sam took the pearl and placed it on the table. He got a bowl to smash the pearl.

“It's okay. I love you.” you said, pecking Dean's lips one more time.

“I love you too.” Dean said and Sam smashed the pearl.

Dean continued to hold onto you until you disappeared into thin air and his hands were only holding onto air.

“I am sorry Dean,” Sam said, “you were truly happy for once.”

“I was because she was the best thing that had ever happened to me.” Dean said.

.

.

Forever taglist - @donnaintx @devil-in-my-boots @amandamdiehl @miss-nerd95

Dean/Jensen Taglist - @akshi8278 @mrsjenniferwinchester @jensengirl83

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXVII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

You are the one in my heart (Part III)

(11x14)

Hello! Third part of this topic here! Very romantic!

I want to say thank you to @destielle , my beta fixing all this mess and making it readable! Thank you girl! 😘💕

We gonna talk about 'The Vessel', episode 11x14, it’s the one in which Dean discovers that Cas is possessed by Lucifer which leads to a huge change in his priorities.

Casifer takes advantage

When Dean and Sam call Castiel for his assistance with time travel, the cunning Archangel sees an opportunity in it.

Gif credit @mostly10

Dean has plenty of trust in his friend Castiel, but this will drive him into a series of events that won’t end good. So the whole point of the scene where they outline the plan of getting a specific weapon together is to get one point across: Dean’s trust in Castiel. Which also occurs to Casifer as he will take advantage of it.

But not just Dean trusts him, Sam, too.

When Casifer is not able to get inside the submarine, Sam thinks he’s sharing the same concerns with his friend Cas, reading wrongly from Casifers reaction. Lucifer gets so disgusted and done with all the corny love, worries and "sincere brotherhood" between Sam and Cas that he gets mad, maybe kind of jealous even, and reacts by openly showing himself and hurting Sam by reaching for his soul. 

That's when Castiel fights his way back to control, blocking Lucifer and speaking to Sam for a brief moment. And that’s when we find out what was raging inside Castiel's hurt heart to make him say yes to Lucifer…

Gif set credit @subcas

SAM: Cas? Why?

CASTIEL: I wanted to be of service to the fight. And only Lucifer can beat her.

SAM: You chose this? You have to fight, Cas! Eject him now!

CASTIEL: I can't! It's taking all my strength to keep him from killing you. And besides, we need him!

SAM: No Cas, we don't. We'll find another way to stop Amara!

CASTIEL: We need him to save Dean.

SAM: You can't time travel.

CASTIEL: Only Lucifer can.

Castiel wanted this. Castiel was feeling so useless and therefore desperate that it led him to do this.

And now Lucifer has the As. Sam and Cas need him to get Dean back from the time travel.

The Vessel

There's a scene in the submarine, where Delphine asks Dean to kill her. That’s a nod to the title of the episode, because we are representatively talking about Castiel here. Because Cas is the vessel. 

This is a Berens episode, so we should keep in mind that he likes to parallel cut scenes to make us see something, opening up new perspectives, connections… and he chose to parallel Daphne asking Dean to kill her with American Marines fighting a war against Germans. Why? Because to kill the vessel for the greater good is a war decision. BECAUSE LETTING  LUCIFER FIGHT USING CASTIEL'S VESSEL EVEN IF IT MEANS CASTIEL DYING FOR THE GREATER GOOD IS A WAR DECISION.

Pay attention to this…

DELPHINE (whispering) Kill me.

DEAN I don't have to kill you. Okay, I can just cut it, it will work.

Dean doesn't want to kill her, even if that's the wiser thing to do. 

DELPHINE Not with this. It's spell-bound to my blood, my heart. It’s power lives and dies with me. Do it!

This is a reflection of Castiel's vessel being possessed by Lucifer.

Lucifer knows 

One of my favorite scenes is Lucifer mocking Sam while mocking Dean's feelings for Castiel…

LUCIFER: I will touch your soul. Just because you asked so nicely, and I'll use your spell to blast through the warding and retrieve Dean and the uh, Hand of God, and then when Dean comes back and he finds this place decorated with your guts, I will tell him the truth, Sam. I'll just say, 'Dean - '

[LUCIFER pauses and smiles, before putting on his CASTIEL voice.]

Gif credit @danistiel 👇

- 'Dean… he knew the risks. He wouldn't take no for an answer.'

SAM: Lucifer.

LUCIFER: In the flesh.

Lucifer not just imitates Castiel's voice, but Castiel's puppy eyes as if he was looking at Dean. He is mocking the eye fucking, the feelings Dean has for his angel. He is mocking it because he knows about their relationship, every angel and demon knows about them, and now Lucifer knows it too, because he is inside of Cas. Because he senses Dean's longing for Castiel and vice versa. And he mocks them.

So… Lucifer knows… Sammy knows… and Amara noticing Castiel's beautiful blue eyes, calling him "blue eyes" is noticing his charm, too.

"I was just a witness"

Before I continue talking here I want to clarify something: Dean felt sorry for the submarine crew, but he was MORE WORRIED AND SADDER ABOUT LOSING CASTIEL IN FRONT OF HIS EYES.

With that being said, I want you to recall the way Delphine dies while using the Hand of God. She literally exploded because her body (her vessel) couldn't handle such a power. Dean saw that with his own two eyes.

After this he witnesses Casifer handling the Hand of God, of course he didn't know the weapon couldn't be used twice then. That's why Dean screams NO!!!! desperately, with horror in his eyes, because he thought right there Castiel's vessel could be destroyed in front of him just like Daphne was.

Then… at the end of the episode, we have this dialogue between Sam and Dean.

SAM: So.

DEAN So. Cas.

SAM: Yeah. What do we do?

DEAN: What else? We hunt Lucifer, trap the bastard, and save Cas.

SAM: Like I said. Lucifer may be in control now, but Cas may not come back willingly. I mean he chose it.

Gif credit @pinkman

DEAN: No. No, not possible.

Dean brings up the Cas topic, sitting alone, brooding, sad, worried. Sam sees him and approaches him like a good brother, to comfort him. 

Sam tries to explain that it was Castiel's choice, but Dean doesn't want to believe him, he says: ‘NO. NO, NOT IMPOSSIBLE.’ He denies it three times, with such a broken heart, you can tell from the look in his eyes.

So… what does Sammy? He changes the subject…

SAM: So how'd you get through today? I mean what did you do?

DEAN: Nothing. Sam, they…

[DEAN stares out over the water as he shakes his head. He looks close to tears.]

Gif credit @spacedudeee

DEAN: I was just a witness.

But Dean keeps talking about Cas here. He is sad, and mad at himself because he didn't see the signs. He didn't see Castiel's depression, he didn't want to hear his own voice saying Cas was acting weird. He wasn't there for Cas. And now he is in great danger. He could lose Castiel forever. And that's the one thing in his head, in his heart. That's the only topic he can think about. The following episodes will show us DEAN IS DESPERATE, DEAN ONLY WANTS TO GET CASTIEL BACK AT ANY COST. AMARA IS NOT THE CENTER OF HIS ATTENTION ANYMORE. ALL HIS THOUGHTS AND WORRIES ARE FOCUSED ON CASTIEL.

SAM: Do you wanna talk about it?

DEAN: No. No, story for another day.

Gif credit @hallowedbecastiel 👇

Gif credit @sammyhale

Sam also knows why his brother is so down. He knows it, but as always he respects the time Dean's needs to take first.

The camera zooms out, leaving behind a devastated Dean. Is he sad for the crew and Delphine? Of course, yes. But he only got to know them because he couldn’t see what was happening with Cas. And now it’s lost forever. Just like Cas could be.

We already know from previous episodes that Castiel is the one Dean is pining for, the one he is in love with, the one he desires. The only one in his heart. Writers enlightened us about that and now they're showing us unshed tears in Dean's eyes… because he could lose the love of his life... forever.

To Conclude: 

This episode talked about CASTIEL. And how Dean regrets not noticing his friend wasn't his friend anymore. This feelings are so strong and sad in Dean's heart that he even was about to cry.

Losing Castiel because he didn't see it coming, will be a heavy weight on his shoulders. 

And we saw the foreshadow of the war decision we will meet again in episode 11x18. War decision vs Heart decision.

Hope you liked this! See you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@imjustkipping @destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas From s11, here you have the links: LXII, LXIII, LXIV, LXV, LXVI

Buenos Aires, June 23 2020 6:37 PM

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XXVII)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Missing You

(7x09/7x12/7x14/7x15)

Hello my friends! I bring to you another volume from this series of metas.

Today is Edlund time!!! So we'll have a lot of Destiel here and Dean missing Cas badly, and being miserable for him too. Thank you Edlund.

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder , she made the gifs for this meta and discussed with me the episodes.

Let's start this...

Edlund put order and re-direct the storyline

When episode 7x09 How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters started, I saw order and direction for the first time in many episodes. Edlund wrote a STOP sign on the road, and writes things as it should be.

1) He takes the Hallucifer storyline again.

2) He explains DEAN IS IN BAD SHAPE AND IS SUICIDAL BECAUSE HE MISS CASTIEL.

These two VITAL points, will be imprescindible for the second half of the season, and I guess the decision of getting back Misha Collins had been taken already, and they had to change things because COMING BACK TO WHAT THE SHOW WAS JUST THE TWO BROTHERS and playing A LOT with Wincest was lowering the rating.

Dean misses Cas

In this episode, we had people eating food with that substance Leviathans had put on corn syrup, and everyone was like intoxicated with it, acting like zombies. Dean was in the first stage, so he began to act weird.

Sam and Bobby noticed this, they pointed this to him, and Dean talks in self defense, but is very, very interesting the thing he mentioned first of all... Remember they were with their defense mechanism lowered, so his brain acted like a drink or a child, without strains, so... Look what Dean said...

"The best I felt in months..."

Okay, let's stop here... Dean is stoned so his words are the very truth coming out from his most repressed feelings... He had been depressed and suicidal the last months... He was feeling really bad, sad, hopeless... Why??? Because he killed Sammy's friend? That Kitsune woman?? No. Beacuse of Castiel! (Thanks Edlund)

Cas? Black goo? I don't even care anymore. 

Right there! 👆 He mentioned Cas, Black Goo, the way Cas died, Castiel is in his mind the whole time. Is Cas the reason why he's in bad shape. He misses Cas. Badly.

Then, after this, Bobby attacks again, because he's seeing in Dean this suicidal behavior that worries him a lot. Knowing loosing Cas was the thing that marked Dean deeply Bobby tries to talk with him again...

BOBBY: I want to talk about your new party line.

DEAN: Party? What are you talking about? I don't even vote.

BOBBY: "The world's a suicide case. We save it, it just steals more pills"?

DEAN: Bobby, I'm here, okay? I'm on the case. What's the problem?

And as always... Dean is avoiding the topic again...

I'm on the case, I'm concentrated on this, don't put my head in thinking about that again.

BOBBY: I've seen a lot of hunters live and die. You're starting to talk like one of the dead ones, Dean.

DEAN: No, I'm talking the way a person talks when they've had it, when they can't figure out why they used to think all this mattered.

BOBBY: Oh, you poor, sorry... You're not a person.

Okay, here... Dean talks in third person, but what he says is legit, it comes from the bottom of his heart. But Bobby wants more from him. And because he is honest, Bobby is afraid Dean is trying to kill himself by doing the kamikaze thing. So he needs Dean to confront his lost and work on it.

BOBBY: Come on, now. You tried to hang it up and be a person with Lisa and Ben. And now here you are with a mean old coot and a van full of guns. That ain't person behavior, son. You're a hunter, meaning you're whatever the job you're doing today. Now, you get a case of the Anne Sextons, something's gonna come up behind you and rip your fool head off.

What Bobby is trying to say here is YOU WERE A PERSON ONCE, NOW YOU'RE A CRAZY SUICIDAL GUY. He mentions Lisa and Ben because that's the idea of a normal life a person that came out from the hunter life wants. And that's what Sam, Bobby even Cas thought Dean wanted for himself.

This is heartbreaking, Bobby is desperate, because Dean doesn't take his words seriously. He even use words wrong by the end of the speech. But Dean gets the message.

Dean was a person once. He had faith, he had his best friend, he had a thing not so Platonic growing in his heart for him, he trusted him, he was his savior. But he betrayed him, and when they were about to solve things, Cas was gone.

Of course he's depressed and suicidal... Because he not just lost Cas, but everything he represented in Dean's heart and soul.

During the episode, we discover the monster committed suicide... As a parallel with as in the river.

In episode 7x13 The Slice Girls, Sam talks about Dean's behavior too...

SAM: You know what? Bobby was right. Your head's not in it, man. When Cas died, you were wobbly, but now...

DEAN: Now what? Oh, what, you're dealing with it so perfect? Yeah, news flash, pal – you're just as screwed up as I am! You're just... bigger.

(...)

SAM: Look... Dean, the thing is, tonight... It almost got you killed. Now, I don't care how you deal. I really, really don't. But just don't – don't get killed.

Okay, they're having finally the conversation, because now Bobby is dead, and everything is out of control. But is interesting the word Sam choose to describe Dean's shape after Castiel's death... "Wobbly" like loosing stability. He had just lost his strengths, Cas, and that's sad but beautiful at the same time.

And I can't forget episode 7x14 Plucky Pennywhistle Magic Maneuverism where Dean wanted so so badly his rainbow toy... Exquisite.

Two Destiel dark mirrors

Then we have two blatant Destiel's mirror in episode 7x12 and 7x15.

Let's began with 7x12 Time after Time, after time.

In this one, Dean traveled accidentally back in time with Elliot Ness who's a hunter too, to kill Chronos.

And we had at the beginning of the episode a very bi-Dean scene very well known by the fandom, remember Dean checking out a soldier in uniform in the street? Yeah.

But we'll, back to Chronos, when they were about to hunt him, he said a very interesting thing...

CHRONOS: Lila, I'm sorry, but, you just – everything I said to you is true –

DEAN: Oh, he might have left out a few details. He tell you he's a monster who jumps through time?

CHRONOS: [shouting at DEAN] I'm a God! [speaking to LILA] Look, I'm not a monster. Listen. I'm the opposite.

Chronos is trying to convince Lila, his lover, about his true identity, but pay attention to his words... Is a recall to what Dean and Cas had to live when CAS was on the dark side. Even the word God is a reminder of Godstiel.

Let's continue...

ELIOT NESS: Well, don't forget to tell her about all the people you murdered along the way, boy scout.

LILA: What?

CHRONOS: It's not like that. I do it for you, Lila.

LILA: I don't understand.

Okay are we again on that cabin with CAS trapped in the fire?

The word boy scout it talks about a good, kind and nice person that make things to help others. So we could call that Cas too, because he thought he was doing what he was doing for the greatest cause.

Now... Chronos says those words to Lila "I do it for you." And that's to put a finger on our wounds, people... Yes the same phrase Cas repeated to Dean.

Let's leave Chronos right here, and continue with episode 7x15 Repo Man (Edlund's).

I want to point here, this one was a blatant mirror, written so exquisitely by Edlund, and choosing each word, to make us see how Dean was feeling about loosing Cas... Pay attention...

JEFFREY: Did you ever think that maybe I loved being possessed? Did you? 

Now, the word connection here, as a mirror of the profound bond between Dean and Cas. Dean loved it.

Castiel saved Dean from Hell, we can say he liberated Dean from perdition. Then, he gave him faith, a purpose in his life. A new and true mission.

Again... Cas was his faith, his strengths. He changed Dean's life for ever.

Okay, isn't this a description of what Dean is feeling now? Jeffrey is describing Dean's behavior and cause of his depression by describing his own experience with the demon. And is beautiful, because this is previous to Castiel's return in episode 17. Like a premonition, a preparation.

Yes, my friends, Edlund is emphasizing DEAN IS IN BAD SHAPE, SAD, DEPRESSED, SUICIDAL, FOR CASTIEL.

After this, Jeffrey can summon the demon, but he possesed another body, and not him. And he gets jealous, well, this is kind of hilarious because when Dean found Emmanuel, he was married with his female version, but, it felt kind of a cheating, isn't? Okay, we could say... This is a foreshadow to that. 🤣

To Conclude:

These episodes written by Edlund showed us Dean was in bad shape because of Cas. Drawing a couple of Strong's points like Dean being stoned and talking without strains about his feelings and Cas and Bobby talking with him because he sensed his suicidal behavior.

There was two dark Destiel mirrors, but the one that was a blatant and heartbreaking was Jeffrey and his demon. We could say each word Jeffrey said, it was Dean talking about his lost connection with Castiel.

These episode were a preparation to Misha's return in episode 17.

I hope you enjoy this Chronicles! See you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73

If you want to be tagged, please let me know.

If you want to read the previous season 7 chronicle, here's the link. Vol XXV and vol. XXVI.

Buenos Aires September 4th 2019 8:24 PM

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. XXII)

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Worry about you

(6x15/6x17/6x19)

Hi my friends! Today I want to talk with seriousness about one of the most hilarious episodes from season 6. And because it was written by Ben Edlund, there's juicy Destiel elements there. I will talk too about episode 18 and 19, near to the end, because I will take some points from those too.

I want to give thanks to my friend @agusvedder , she made the gifs for this meta! Love ya girl!

Ok, let's start this volume...

Balthazar calling Cas as Cassie

When 6x15 "The French Mistake" starts, Balthazar appears in Bobby's house, moving fast as Cas did in 6x03, appearing and dissapearing the whole time looking for things to use in a spell... In the middle of that loud scene, this dialogue is developed...

BALTHAZAR: Raphael is after us all. You see, he's consolidated his strength. And now he's on the move.

SAM: And where's Cas?

BALTHAZAR: Oh, Cassie? He is deep, deep underground. So, good old Raffy put out a hit list on every last Samaritan who helped our dear Cas – Including both of you. And so much more importantly, me. See, he wants to draw Cas out in the open.

First of all I want to say, each episode written by Edlund, shows us DEAN AND CAS ARE IN LOVE, each one of them. The man knew what he was doing writing their relationship as romantic. So, I would say... This wasn't the exception... Why Balthazar would name Cas as Cassie (Dean's first love?) Balthazar doesn't know that, but we do, the spectators.

Dean exaggeratedly eye fucking Misha/Cas

One of the most hilarious scenes was this one here ...

Dean playing to be Jensen playing to be Dean, and the eye fucking. Delightful, just because Dean knows Cas and him do that thing the whole time. So, he plays his role, but because Dean is an awful actor, that's the result.

Pretty interesting Dean is aware of it... Just saying.

Dean starts to worry about Cas

By the end of the episode, Raphael find the boys and Balthazar, but Cas makes his apparition. But why on Earth the camera just took Dean's facial reaction to what Cas was saying and doing?

That's fear and concern in Dean's face... He is maybe seeing things are not good... And he's worry because CAS doesn't tell him the whole thing...

CASTIEL It was Balthazar's plan. I would have done the same thing.

Castiel is in soldier mode these words made Dean be a little mad at him...

DEAN That's not comforting, Cas.

He would expect something different from his friend, like maybe, some kind of protection, and not be used as bait. So here Dean is feeling a little disappointed.

CASTIEL When will I be able to make you understand? If I lose against Raphael, we all lose. Everything.

Edlund is pointing one of the excuses for Castiel taking this kind of decisions and positions. Castiel needs desperately to win against Raphael, and he's willing to everything to fulfill that mission. Even lie to the Winchesters and work with Crowley.

DEAN Yeah, Cas. We know the stakes. That's about all you've told us!

CASTIEL I'm sorry about all this. I'll explain when I can.

Cas would love to count with them and not lie them, but he's at war.

DEAN Friggin' angels.

Edlund's Dean quote each time an angel surprisingly vanish in front of him 🤣

Jealous!Dean attacks again

In episode 6x17 "My heart will go on"

When Fate is attempting to kill Dean and Sam

In that abbandoned restaurante, i noticed something interesting. Remember I mention the colored codification started in this season? Well... We have another Destiel Coded Colored foreshadow. The burner knobs were colored in BLUE and RED, representing Dean and Cas, but toxic, angry Dean. And the whole place exploded... So... What a big and huge foreshadow for the settlement of the bid Destiel fight and break up in the following episodes, isn't?

But we're here to talk about Jealous! Dean, because we love it.

When Cas saves the boys from that explosion, this was part of the talk...

DEAN So we've pissed fate off personally.

CASTIEL If I know her – and I do – she won't stop until you're dead.

DEAN  Awesome. So what do we do?

CASTIEL Kill her.

SAM Kill fate?

CASTIEL Do you have another suggestion?

SAM No, I'm – I just mean, uh...Can you even do that?

CASTIEL Balthazar has a weapon that will work against her.

DEAN Of course he does. Yeah. Boy, that guy's just got it covered, doesn't he?You need new friends, Cas.

Do you notice the shade of jealousy here?? And then...

The dialogue between Fate and Cas showed us again how desperately was Castiel to win the war. And Balthazar was working for him. We see more about how CAS is getting into the dark side for the biggest purpose.

But even so, they showed us too, he's worry about Sam and Dean safety.

By the end of the episode, we had another dialogue between Castiel and the boys...

And Cas lies to Dean...

And then Dean makes a bad joke, and Cas dissapears again.

DEAN I'll tell you one thing about Cas, he does not appreciate the finer things.

Dean says this because isn't the first time he makes a joke and Cas vanishes. But I wonder if is related to Castiel feeling a little bit offended, and you'll know what I mean in the next point...

Dean mocking CAS, just because he enjoys it

In episode 6x19 "Mommy Dearest" we can see how since this scene happened...

So, Cas feel offended, and Sammy pointed that to Dean. Dean gets a little surprised, but...I'm sure this was very enjoyable for him, because then he'll mock him again.

Also... I want to mark here something... If Cas was able to dissapeard by flying here, I'm sure he may do it. Because... I recall that scene in the car in season 5 (last episode) when Dean mocked him about not having sense of humor, he vanished then. And the we had the Kate Winslet's breast joke, and now this one... So...

We had this one here...

Again mentioning babies, because he knows Cas got mad about that, and he repeats the action. He's enjoying it, for sure.

But we will have a sweet Innocent comment, I just wanted to share...

The thing here is the sexual innuendos in this episode, firs the famous "Cas get out of my ass!" And now this one here, so funny the double meaning... And Dean's gay panic face 🤣🤣🤣😏.

Castiel is worried about Dean

This episode showed us too, Cas in his soldier mode, can see things the boys can't. Like those little kids in that police station.

Castiel and Dean fought because CAS wasn't agreed with them in driving those kids to their home.

CAS: Dean, Dean. Millions of lives are at stakes here, not just two. Stay focused.

Castiel in soldier mode, trying to make Dean to understand the danger in his decision, but it was late, because Sam and Dean saw in those kids themselves.

DEAN: Are you kidding?

CAS: There's a greater purpose here.

Castiel's excuse to do the things he's doing.

DEAN: You know what, I-I'm getting a little sick and tired of the greater purposes, okay? I think what I'd like to do now is save a couple of kids. If you don't mind. We'll catch up. Okay guys, let's go. C'mon. (Dean walks out. Joe, Ryan and Sam follow.)

Cas and Dean are in different pages, Cas is cold minded, first killing Lenore as it was nothing, then torturing the sheriff, and now... Because he's feeling worry about Sam and Dean...

But we know he already fix this sending Crowley.

Another thing is, when Eve attacks Dean, the only one calling his name in despair was CAS...

But when he had to heal him, he took his time, studying Eve's dead body on the ground... He was worried there... Because it supposed that monster should be alive to find Purgatory...

But then Sam reminded him Dean was hurt. So he approached him, and the way he heals him caught my attention, he out his hand on Dean's shoulder... As if he wanted to say something... But he didn't. He just healed him. Maybe with a shade of relief Dean was ok...

Just an addition...NUMBER 25

Ok, the number 25 was mentioned a couple of times in this episode. It was the age of the patient that died and the address in which Eve was.

So... What does this number means? It represents the Argonaut in the arcana. The Argonaut is a Greek hero (it could be Cas) but it also represents in numerology the number 7 that means the inner war to choose the right path and the impulsiveness as a dangerous way to make the wrong decisions... It sound familiar, isn't?

To Conclude

Dean was worried about Castiel because he saw how dangerous was Raphael.

Castiel is between his soldier duty and the love he has for the Winchesters. As we will see in the following metas, he's worried about their safety.

Dean enjoys mocking CAS, that's not news...

Jealous!Dean is delightful too...

Castiel lying to their friends for the biggest purpose, as his excuse. And his impulsiveness and desperation to win a war.

I hope you like this meta, I see you in the next Chronicle. 😘💞

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @xsghn @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant

If you want to be tagged, please let me know.

If you want to read the previous season 6 metas, here the links...

Vol. XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XIX, XX, XXI

Buenos Aires, July 31st 2019 9:14 PM