#and good HOD it hurts dude

[silversneasels]

my TOOTH!!!!!!!!!! =_=

update: i got a root canal

[beevean]

no love for maxim?:(

But of course! Maxim is underrated!

First of all, boy be rocking that "tiddies out for my bestie" look and that's a plus for me :P

I dig his Alucard-esque jacket and the fact that he's more "handsome" than "pretty". Also, a green-coded, black-haired rival to a red-clad Belmont, whose name begins with "Ma" and who had a more personal interaction with Death? Mmh... reminds me of someone. But why?

Story-wise, Maxim is an interesting spin on the rival trope. At first, it seems like he was only jealous of Juste inheriting the VK. But no: he recognized that he was burdened with a terrible fate, and tried to relieve him from it. And he made a whole mess :'D

It's a detail that was lost in translation, and admittedly the game doesn't fully take advantage of it, but I love that in Japanese, "Castle A" is called "Castle Surface" (表) and "Castle B" is called "Castle Hidden Side" (裏). The two sides were meant to represent Maxim's "façade", the one of the wholly supportive friend, and his "shadow self", all of his resentment and bitterness and eagerness to prove himself.

And man, when he dies in the Bad Ending, he says "I wanted to free you from your cursed fate" :( and when Evil Maxim dies in the Worst Ending, he curses Juste like "With that cursed strength of yours, you'd better hunt down Dracula eternally" :( bro :( that hurts :( Juste is trapped by the fate of his own legacy and Maxim can't do a thing about it :( and when he's rescued in the Good Ending, he still feels guilty about his actions, but Juste won't let him speak because he wants to forget everything :( :( :(

Anyway, speaking of gameplay, Maxim Mode is really fun. Dude is the real Sonic of CV. He nyooms like no one's business, he spins in the air better than Samus Aran and her Screw Attack, and he's built for speedruns (not even counting the legendary 22-seconds TAS lol). There's a great hack that makes him the protagonist of the main story (so the castles aren't immediately accessible) and I love it <3

And finally, I love his theme. I really do. It gives me genuine goosebumps. When I played HoD, the cutscenes with him set me on edge. This being the very first piece of music you hear when you start the game tells you how important Maxim is to the core of the game.

and of course he totally had a crush on juste. it's canon, i have to mention it, you know it :p

[sunhlland]

This blog write all right. Idk how all his project outside mcu all get one way or another does bad or it's streaming numbers or box office. Idk hod it'd happened like probability so small,like we don't know it'd his team or it's him not knowing what hd doing. Did someone reading scripts alongside him to give advice? If u think about its somehow coming it's always something bad storytellers,pace,bad challengers development or something else?now he have bad reputation in Hollywood or big ppl not take him seriously. Plus mcu actors nowadays it's like swimming against stream,u like need proof to everyone and add some,all should be ideal and only then they will let go of his neck. I'm kinda sad for Tom. But on another dude he said himself that he don't wanna be actor 😔 like if it's not u passion why u forcing it dude idk working through pressing on urself. Idk idk like I stop expect anything, I wouldn't surprise if he retire after spiderman. Tom a man of unrealized potential

Ok.

First, when did Tom say he doesn't want to be an actor? Do you think that if it were like that he would continue trying and working on it? I think he has just been unlucky, remember most of his movies were released in the Covid19 season. Chaos Walking, for example (poorly executed, definitely, but would have done well at the box office if not for...zero promotion and covid).

Tom was very young when he started taking on a lot of unscripted projects. and I read somewhere that he wasn't sure about playing Cherry but the Russos convinced him (they bribed him lol, I'd say ) and since he feels he owes them part of his career, he said yes... The Russos have a name there out and (Advenger is a success to this day although it hurts those who hate the MCU) but it turns out that the direction of these men was bad in cherry. Now his performance, his acting skills (if you read the reviews) has always been praised... even today. (there is an agenda against him for being part of Marvel duh)

The common people love him, praise him... and even on Twitter they always defend him with..."the broh needs a better agent" "he always chooses bad projects" etc... they know he's a good actor. Those who say it's a flop...who are they? some Z fans who hate him bcuz he dates her and are jealous. Fans of other actors who for some reason feel threatened by Tom.... (and why do you think that is?😌) some idiots who think they're cinephiles and believe that hating everything that has to do with marvel makes them intellectual...🤪 ? LMAO.

You say marvel flop too? huh that will never be the case with Spider-Man, don't worry...Tom is not just any Marvel actor...he plays the most beloved character of all superheroes and the most famous. And people love it... 🤭

To this day his most watched movie outside of the MCU is TDATT, and most people always praise Tom's performance. And it's the most viewed bcuz it's from Netflix. If TCR .....

None of my friends have Apple TV and even I had to pay for 2 months of that horrible app just for him.. when I recommend the series... no one has Apple TV... I hate apple tv...Anyway.

I give you some advice, if you have such a poor perception of him, I think there are more actors out there for you to follow.

Tom is 27 years old...not 40. There are actors who were recognized just last year with 5 years older than Tom...and I am not going to mention names...🤐🤓

xo🤗

[rabbiteclair]

Whose your fav among the sephirot/librarians?

okay I'm a bit late to this, but

I think if I have to go for a favorite and I'm being honest with myself, it's gotta be Gebura. she's cool. she's got a big sword. she seems like one of the people with less culpability for stuff like that time Carmen's followers killed a kid. (Hod, Tiphereth, and Netzach are the ones I'll pretty much entirely let off the hook here.) she's cool. she has the ability to spontaneously manifest guitar music wherever she goes. she seems to have just been a really solid person as a human. she's cool.

the fact that she's 'killed the entire Jae-heon/Oswald/Tanya fight in the Reverb Ensemble rematches in about three rounds' powerful in Ruina helps, but not as much as you might expect. her backstory stuff already had her arguably in my #1 spot after LobCo

the more detailed official art needs to give her more muscles though. girl wields a fucking buster sword with meat taped to it, let me have this.

the spots below her in the ranking are some combination of Hod, Tiphereth, Netzach, and Binah, probably.

this is very much a post-Ruina ranking, especially for Binah. siding with Angela during the whole Tree of Life showdown was a good start, but all through Ruina I was basically clenching my teeth at the screen and going 'okay but Binah when are you going to express your own moral opinion instead of just examining everyone else's?' I'm gonna count standing up to another Arbiter as a firm moral stance.

besides, gotta love her treatment of Ayin in LobCo. Angela tells you 'oh the lower sephirot have missed you so much' and what she means in Binah's case is 'she's getting bored down there, so I'm gonna drop a meat pumpkin into her enclosure.'

pre-Ruina, Chesed probably would've gotten this spot. but Ruina didn't just help Binah, it hurt Chesed. not even on any moral grounds, just... you know that thing in the old Touhou fandom where people would be like 'ah, the games made a joke about Meiling napping once, so that's her thing now. Meiling sleeps ALL the time. she's so fucking lazy. she's never awake. haha Sakuya stabs her because she sleeps so much'? just pick one kinda offhand character trait and run it into the goddamn ground? that's Chesed with coffee in Ruina. my dude saw that he no longer had to worry about employee welfare and traded in his other personality traits for a booklet of fun coffee facts.

[jazolf]

Library of runia characters ranked on how good they are in a straight up fight.

Angela- has never thrown a punch in her life. Even when she fought Carman she used abnormality pages. 0/10

Netzach- dudes form is so sloppy that it's laughable. He is also drunk so it's not much of a fight and more so a small dude randomly throwing his arms at you. 1/10

Yesod- this is a rich kid turned scientist who's only fighting knowledge is that putting the thumb inside your hand when you punch is a bad move 2/10

Hod- never was much of a fighter. More of a hearts and minds person. Also dosnt like hurting people 3/10

Tiphereth- smol angy child will punch you. 5/10

Cheesed- is a rich boy but something tells me that if you underestimate him your gonna get your ass kicked. 6/10

Hokma- is old but that just means he's more experienced and he survived a lot longer than anyone else pre L corp. Plus he has the power of God and anime on his side 7/10

Malkuth- "weakness means death" also cute 8/10

Roland- dude would fuck you up. The only reason he hasn't beaten the head to death is because he's sad about his dead wife 9/10

Binah- is a arbiter of the head. Has control of one of the words secrets. Has a sick cape. Don't fuck with her 10/10

Gebura- Gebura 11/10

[cassyapper]

for the bingo thing josuyasukoi :] or whatever its called

hi thanks so much for sending this in <3

i don’t talk about these three a whole lot but i LOVE them so much it actually makes me ill. i know im supposed to like mikitaka/josuke/okuyasu more but im sorry 1) mikitaka is aro to me and 2) KOICHI HAS SO MANY GOOD MOMENTS WITH BOTH OF THEM… i just think it’s so adorable i think theyre so fucking cute and silly they all love each other and beyond anything else theyre such good friends and i love love love their dynamic i wish i wish i wish we saw more of them fuck dude. like josuke and okuyasu both freak out when koichi is hurt (josuke for example during the bad company arc and okuyasu for example during the guilt stand arc at the beginning) and koichi cares for them just as much in return (his screaming and crying when red hot chili pepper dragged okuyasu into the electrical grid? him hearing josuke screaming in bites the dust and helping him during the highway star arc?) like my hod. theyre all that matters. tbh. idk if it would be a lifelong romantic relationship but those boys are in the friendship for the long haul. i am cradling them

[gays4neptune]

Putting Others First Liveblog (spoilers, duh)

I WAS HAVING DINNER WHEN I GOT THE NOTIFICATION

I JUMPED OUT OF MY SEAT AND SPRINTED UPSTAIRS THIS IS NOT A DRILL OR A JOKE

I can’t handle this or myself

Like I don’t know what to do with myself anymore

CRUSH’D

THIS IS ALREADY SO SAD???

LIFE IS PAIN???

HOLY SHIT???????

THE 8 BIT THEMEEEEEE

WOAHHHHHH

ITS SO COOOOOL!!!!!!

AAAAAAA

My heart is beating so fast

I looked and the thumbnail and I GASPED

F U L L Y

ANOTHER BITCH????? MAYBE?????

Patton is stopping himself from controlling Thomas BABEEBDHDHDHDDH

This bitch is swearing so much oh my god WHAT

I PAUSED

ROMANNNNN

MY BOYYYYYYY

HES BACKKKKKKK

MUSIC NUMBER

HOLY SHIT

MUSIC NUMBER

I AM TWO MINUTES IN

THE ART!!!!!

WOAH!!!!!!

ACE ATTORNEY

YO

WOAH

PERFECT

YES

That was awesome??? Genuinely

IT IS 51 MINUTES LONG I CANT DO THIS

Roman’s little “ARG MM VERY GOOD” IS INCREDIBLE

THATS SO GOOD YES

Roman is my favourite like seriously

ALSO WHERE ARE THE OTHERS?????

CATHOLICS??? BABY MAKING CATHOLICS????

Thomas is so fucking depressed I can’t handle it

OOP

THE IS THOMAS A GOOD PERSON FUCKIN QUESTION THROWN BACK AT PATTON

DHDHDHDH

WHITE RAT SCOUNDREL BITCH

THAT IS PERFECT

Oh my god

Patton’s 8 bit theme

It’s so amazing

Frogger is such a fucking guy you’re right Patton

ROMANS THEME

UGHHH

CHEFS KISS

MAGNIFICENT

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAH

EVERYONE WAS THEORIZING “WHO COULD IT BE HES FIGHTING IN POKÉMON ?????? A NEW DARK SIDE???? IT LOOKS LIKE VIRGIL MAYBE OMG WHAT”

NO

ITS LESLIE ODOM JR.

I LOVE THIS MAN

Fist fight Leslie Odom Jr. for a hotdog NO BALLS NO TITTIES

LOGAN????

LOGAN!!!!!

HIS THEME!!!

MM

GOOD INTERACTION YES

Logan is so done with these right brain bitches

Patton-

Sweetie ur contradicting all your shit no

ROMAN

HES DOING THE THING

THE “oh no never mind it’s dumb” THING

LESLIE ODOM JR

HES BACK BABY

Thomas wants Leslie’s Ass

It’s canon

Oh my god

OH MY GOD

DECEIT BOWSER DECEIT BOWSER

FUCKIN WHATTTTTTTTTT

What the hell did Deceit throw???

Hooks?????

What???,

Roman sounds devastated when Patton shoots him down

And he just looks SAD

🥺🥺🥺

Logan giving shady looks is everything I live for

The trolley problem!!!

With friends!!!

Pixel friends!!!!

And Leslie!!

HOLY SHIT

I SAID WOAH OUT LOUD

OH MY GOD?????????

My heart is beating so much

THEY JUST GOT HIT BY THE TRAIN AND THOMAS LOOKED AWAY????

AND THE

“Is it over?”

HOLY FUCK????

Pixel Logan with his flash cards!!!

That makes me very happy

THE T WORD

WHAHSHSHSGEG

Patton does the thing where his voice goes up ten octaves “riGHT?”

PFFFT

Patton got fucking DECKED!

WITH KNOWLEDGE!!!

My cursor accidentally went over a part later in the video and UH

FUCK

WE’LL CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN WE GET TO IT

Thomas looks so tired like jeez

Patton is very nervous aaaaaaaa

Also where the fuck is Virgil????? Shit

GERMAN LOGAN GERMAN LOGAN HABSSHHDHDHRHD

DHDHDHDH

LOGAN JUST FUCKING CHOKED AND DIED AAHAHAHHAHA

NO

BABY

ROMAN

SHIT

NO

FUCK

NONONONONONONO

Bitch what

WHAT

PATTON

WHAT

IS THIS NEW MUSIC OR AM I JUST SCARED CHALLENGE

Patton is digging his own grave oh honey

My heart is pulsing

Buff Thomas Buff Thomas

SHIT

NO

I GOT SPOILED

NO

NO

NO

FUCK YOU DISCORD

shit

Logan says self care bitches

PATTON

WHATTTTTTTT

STARDEW VALLEY!!

WOAHWOAHWIAH

PATTON CALM THE FUCK DOWENNNNNNN

LOGAN SAYS SHUT THE FUCK UP

OWAH

WOAH

WOAHAJAHWHWHSHSGE

DEEEEEEE

DECEIT FUCK SHIT ASS

LOGAN SON OF A BITCH DECEIT WHAT THE FUCK

HOLY SHIT

I AM SHAKING

I’m gonna throw up

I actually love how this whole thing is happening while Patton is a giant ripped frog

Holy shit

MENTAL HEALTH

FUCK

MOTHER FUCKING SNAKES

ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE

BEAUTIFUL

ALSO I MISSED DECEIT

HES VERY PRETTY

A very funny wholesome prank BITCH

Oh my god

THE RPG SHORT!!!!!!

YOO!!!!!

THATS A BOMB ASS CALLBACK (pun intended)

LOGAN NO

LOGAN SAYS SELF CARE FUCK YEAH

UNLESS??

DECEIT SAYS SELF CARE

DEE

FUCK

MISTAKES????

WHEN I SAY I SCREAME D

OH MY GOD

PERIODDDDDDDD DECEIT

I think he’s become a lot higher on my list???? Like way higher

WHSHSH

WHAT??

Woah

OWAH

I AM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH

JANUS???

FUCK

HOOOOOOOOOOOO BOY

I HAD TO RUN AROUND

I HAD TO DO A LAP

SHIT

FUCK

ASSSSS

HIS NAME IS JANUS

HOLY SHIT

ROMAN

STOP BEING A BITCH

NO

FUCK

DECEIT. JANUS??? IS TRYING

LOW BLOW

HOLY SHIT

THAT HITS HARD

REMUS AND ROMAN

FUCKKKKK

JANUS WHY

I THOUGHT I WAS YOUR HERO??? THAT HURT

THAT REALLY HURT

I feel like I’m going to be sick

Like genuinely

Roman is getting worked up

NO

HE SUNK

BITCH SUNK

OH MY HOD

IM SHAKING

ROMAN

NOOOOOOOOOOOAaaaaaaaAAAAA

Everyone is SAD I’m SAD

I want Roman to be OKAY

Passive aggressive

LESLIE ODOM JR!!!!!!

I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO COME OR LIKE DO SOMETHING IRL

Bitch just went back into the void

GIRL BYE

TIME???

Patton accepting he’s wrong is great

My heart is beating so fast

Kiddo!!!

NO NOT DECEIT

JANUS

His facial expressions are golden

OH PERIOD

oh that’s so good

JANUS

YEAAAAAAAAH

PATTON AND JANUS!!! YEAH!!!!

VERY GOOD DUO YES

PFFFT

his little “PMEH” PERFECT

SHIMMY

I LOVE HIM!!!!!!

SO MUCH!!!! WHAT!!!!!

He’s perfect literally

This was a RIDE

THOMAS SANDERS SAYS SELF CARE BITCCHHHHHHHHHH

I said the outro out loud DUDE

WOAH

LIKE WOAH

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 43

Last time: The Mine Crew did a puzzle, Fuery is alive damnit, and Beard became Ling. Onwards!

Looks like we’re back at Briggs, there are some rather large explosions going off over it. Let’s hope the wall holds wait what? Briggs is looking just a bit more unscathed than I thought it would be, it seems they’re firing near unimpeded on the Drachma forces who are… yeah, I can’t even call them a fighting force anymore. The Drachmans are just gone, the Drachma CO is staggering through the remains of his troops and artillery, yelling at Kimblee at the lack of infighting from the Briggs side. Heh, so I’m guessing that Sideburns and Buccy rounded up the Central blokes at the first sign of danger, made the excuse that they had to defend “such important officers” when really they were making sure they couldn’t interfere in the defense? Briggs represent! Yeah with one final barrage the Briggs cannons cease fire, Sideburns and Buccy are standing on the fort with no Central officers in sight. Remarking that that was too easy?... uh oh. Crap. Crap crap crap. [Kimblee]: “The crest is carved.” Son of a bitch. Why take the effort to try and kill off some of the best troops of Amestria, when you can use them as an anvil to smash the weaker northern neighbors? Not like the source of the blood matters, just that there’s enough for a Crest in the TC. Leto damn. Alright I’m assuming that we’re at the Ishvalan village Scar mentioned earlier, going by the complexions and white hair. Inside a hut there’s a bit of trouble in paradise, as May is yelling at Al for not grasping the basics of Alkahestry and Al critiques her teaching style. Scar apologises for his rambunctious children to a villager, who brushes it off. Yelling aside the Mine Crew’s helping out, Winry’s doing laundry and Yoki’s being bait for the kids. Although seriously, pulling out his hair? That’s uncalled for. Toad and Marcoh are helping too, getting firewood. What about Boar?... oh yeah, he was selling them out last episode, wasn’t he? Damnit. Damnit! Yup, he’s run out of town to meet up with a cloaked figure, the face says Ishvalan but the voice says Stupid Arrogant Shapeshifting Goth. Episode 43 - “Bite of the Ant” In Central, Riza’s still stuck serving as Bradley’s aide/hostage, she’s making tea when he brings up Selim’s true identity as Pride. Leto damn it, hearing Riza give these muted “yes” answers to Bradley’s questions hurts, screw the Goths for putting her down. Bradley asks for her opinion. Dude, you’re holding her hostage and are an inhuman monster, how do you think she’s going to respond? [Riza]: “I think it’s sad that the family I’ve answered to and trusted isn’t real. That you don’t even have that much. You’re just putting on an act, pretending to be the humans that you secretly despise.” Huh. Bradley’s talking about how his “son” was appointed by his superior, that his power, his rank, everything in his life has been appointed to him…. Except his wife? He chose her? Huh. Right no can’t get complacent, just because he has a wife doesn’t excuse all that he’s done, and I sincerely doubt that she knows about Bradley and Pride’s real natures. You may reminisce about your wife and compliment Riza for her tea, but you still lie to your spouse and hold Riza as a hostage. Back in the snowy climes, Toad and Marcoh are chatting about the doctor’s old job, when Boar and An Innocent Ishvalan wander up. Boar tries to bluff for a moment, but the Ishvalan interrupts him and the red sparks fly and Marcoh knows what’s up. Welp. Envy’s here. He’s taunting Marcoh for thinking he could wait what ice spikes? Oh yeah, Marcoh was a State Alchemist. Alright so it’s Goth and Chimera versus Alchemist and Chimera huh? Boar’s running towards- oh. OH! Ahahaha! “Now what were you saying about my acting?” Dude I am so sorry I compared you to Raven, this is golden! Boar has rejoined Marcoh and Toad, this was all a trap for Envy! Marcoh knew that Envy would want to capture (not kill, he’s still useful for as a Sacrifice) Marcoh on his own. But now Envy’s pulled himself free from the spikes and nope right into another Alchemy attack. Wait but Marcoh and the Chimeras aren’t moving? Alchemy landmines? But I thought the only ranged alchemy was oh I get it. Envy’s taking the landmine comparison literally and is walking in Boar’s footsteps but nope a “landmine” is triggered and he’s launched screaming in frustration. Marcoh claims they’re set to detonate for Goths only, while just off to the side Al and May snicker in a hut, remotely triggering her Alkahestry traps. Ah, right. That’s a good plan for fighting a human-sized opponent, but Envy has his Titan form. That’ll be a bit harder to put down. Toad’s barely able to get Marcoh away from a tail slam, but Boar nearly blinds Envy with some spikes. Add in some “landmines” but Envy’s just smashing through the ice, it’s not enough- incoming Scar! He’s landed on Envy’s back, he’s prepping a HoD… it’s good! Envy’s down! Buuuuut we’re only a third of the way through the episode, there’s no way that Envy’s already dead MARCOH NO! Crap Envy’s grabbed Marcoh with his freaky tongue, ordering everyone to stay back or the doctor dies. Now he’s talking punishment, killing a village and flicking Marcoh in the face when he struggles. And he’s looking at the village I assume we were just in, don’t hurt the people we’ve had on screen! Aargh it’s getting worse as Envy thinks about taking them back home, they’re running low on “ingredients”. Marcoh screams at Envy for still making Philosopher’s Stones- (Sorry, need to make a side note here: this is my main problem with Philosopher’s Stones, in that I view them as a net-loss power source. You kill humans to store their souls in a Stone, and use that for Alchemy/powering your Goth body. But by doing so you decrease the number of people in the world, and make too many Philosopher’s Stones and you use up more humans than are being born. It’s like a vampire drinking all of humanity dry; good for you on killing all of the “lesser beings”, but now without a food source you’re gonna starve to death. Even setting aside the horrific creation method of the stones, the loss of the human mind that could have worked to better civilization if it hadn’t been stolen as a fuel source, the nonrenewable energy of the Philosopher’s Stones is a losing prospect in the long run.) -and demands that they let his research team go. Yeah, about that… [Envy]: “Huh. Oh, sorry. It’s a little late to release them now that we’ve turned them into Philosopher’s Stones.” Yeah, I’ve gotta side with Envy on this one doc. Did you really think that the Goths would just let those loose ends go? Envy goes on to chide Marcoh for crying over his men, when he made so many other Stones with other people. The others look on in silence as NOPE NOPE NOPE WHO DARES WHO’S THE ASS WHO ANIMATED THE BABY FORM ON ENVY’S TONGUE TUGGING AT MARCOH’S SLEEVE AND SOBBING WHAT THE HELL NOT COOL Ahem. So Marcoh is somehow ignoring that as he growls at Envy, saying that he sacrificed so many making the Stones for the Goths wait. wait. [Marcoh]: “I know better than anyone else how much pain goes into creating them! And not only do I know how to create them! But I know how to destroy them as well!” Fuck yeah Doctor Marcoh! Screw Envy! Blue lighting and screaming Goth and determined Marcoh- Mid-ep pictures of Badass Doctor Marcoh and both Armstrongs this day keeps getting better and better! -and back to the screaming Goth as the rest of the Mine Crew look on in shock, there’s a burst of light and red lighting all over the place, back in the village Winry and Yoki look up to see the light show. Marcoh falls to the ground as Envy’s tongue disintegrates, the Titan Goth is falling apart as Boar pulls Marcoh to safety. Envy’s still screaming about the pain, about losing to pathetic humans and Chimeras (Scar has a lovely DNGAF face as this is going on), the terrifyingly powerful Envy reduced to this mass of flesh screaming about not looking down on him, “You wor What What is that Holy crap Envy’s a Yerk!

Oh my Leto this is amazing. The Big Bad Titan-shifting Envy, the most powerful physical being in the setting, is at his most basic form a weak little “worm”. And hey, Marcoh’s still alive! I was sure that the whole Philosopher’s Stone killing spell would have finished him off. Any reason we can’t just take him to Central and off Wrath and Pride, then? The Mine Crew reunites at the village, and it looks like Worm!Envy is still alive, too! Finally we can interrogate a Goth and get some solid answers. We’ll start with Yoki flicking Envy around and can I just say it’s so, so satisfying that we’ve brought a Goth so far down that Yoki can push them around? Winry’s worrying over Marcoh’s condition, but he says this was something he had to do, he had to deal with his very understandable fear of a Goth and do what was right. Like Winry’s parents! Awwww. Ahahaha! Looks like Envy’s still got some bite, he bit Yoki’s finger and ouch that actually looks like it hurts. Whoops Yoki tripped AW HELL NO LETO DAMN IT YOKI YOU JUST GAVE ENVY A NEW HOST NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH GOTH!YOKI FIRST BEARD AND NOW YOU COULD PEOPLE STOP TRYING TO COPY LING Although… yeah this is Yoki who doesn’t have any Alchemist powers so… short fight? [Envy]: “Now if you want him to live you’ll do as I tell you!” [Toad]: “Nah, he’s all yours. Do what you want.” [Boar]: “It’s not like he’s our friend or anything.” Dudes! What the hell! Yeah it’s “just” Yoki but you’re just going to give him up to the Goth?! Sweet Leto, May and Al are already crying over Yoki’s “sacrifice” and Scar just turns his back, Marcoh, Toad, and Al prepare to destroy both him and Yoki oh I get it now. I mean, yeah the bluff got Envy to release Yoki but seriously. He got you out of Baschool through the mines, and this is how you repay him? [Yoki]: “Damn all of you! None of you guys are my friends! How could you?! You’re dead to me!” Back to the hut, Envy’s griping in a jar, Boar and Toad toss him around as Yoki understandably sulks in a corner. But Envy raises a good point: even if he does tell them everything they’ll still kill him for his earlier crimes, so why bother? He’s more curious why the Fullmetal Pipsqueak isn’t around. Apparently the last he heard was that Ed went missing? Ooh, so the Goths don’t know that Ed survived the mineshaft explosion! Unfortunately that leaves Al and Winry wondering if the third member of the Blond Trio is no more… Later that night everyone’s sitting around figuring out what to do next, Al steps up and declares that they won’t backtrack to Baschool. Ed wouldn’t worry about Al or fall victim to rumors from the bad guys, so they’ll keep going forward. Except Scar? Oh hey, looks like Sideburn’s words got through to Scar, he wants to change Amestris rather than just punish it for the Ishvalan Genocide. So he’s going to go off with Marcoh for some unstated reason, Al’s going to head towards Liore to see if the TC tunnel runs under it as well- hold up, is Scar giving Envy to May? [Scar]: “Here, May. Take this thing and return to your country.” Yeah, I’m with Yoki here, hold on! Don’t tell me you’re putting May on the bus! Who’s going to teach them about Alkahestry, aka the one thing that worked against Uncle? [Scar]: “You need to think about your own country!” …damnit, he’s right. May came here to save her clan, to earn the Emperor’s protection by making him immortal. Unless Ling can shake off Greed he’s out of the picture, meaning any help for Xing rests with May. If she sticks around in Amestris as well, then some other clan will get the Emperor’s favor or he’ll die and the whole nation will devolve into warring clans. May needs to save her own country. Amestris will have to be saved by its own people. Aw, it’s day and the Mine Crew’s at a crossroads. Al promises to find May for advanced Alkahestry lessons in the future (hopefully she’s gotten more teaching practice by that point) and she heads off for Xing, Scar and Marcoh split off afterwards for whatever they’re doing, and the remainder of the Mine Crew head out as well (so Yoki stuck with Winry and the Chimeras, not Scar and Marcoh?) Nighttime in Central, a cat’s rummaging in an alleyway when wait is that a Chimera passing by? He looks familiar… [Chimera]: *sniffle* “Poor Mister Greed…” Holy carp it’s one of Greed’s Chimeras! I thought Bradley and his men wiped them out! Seems that Lizard here managed to slip away. He’s hiding from some MPs who are looking for Izumi Curtis and her husband HA you guys missed the power couple by a few episodes. Lizard hears them mention Bradley, aka the guy he saw skewer his boss, and after wavering for a bit hitches a ride on their car to track down Bradley, and hopefully Mister Greed as well. The Mighty Armstrong! Looking… nervous? Oooh, he’s run into Armstrong the Great, who is currently crushing his foot and snapping at him for failing to address her as a General. Geez, Armstrong the Great is kind of a bully to her little brother. Seems Central has gotten reports about the Drachma forces getting wiped out, but there really wasn’t anything they could have done to prevent the Crest of Blood from being made. Armstrong the Great’s doesn’t care, her troops did their job of defending Amestris. [The Mighty Armstrong]: “Oh my, you’ve only grown more ferocious. How will you ever find a husband if you continue to- erk!” *Boot to the knee* Jeez, ease up on your brother! Just look at him with his cringing chibi artstyle, how could you hurt such an adorable guy? And she just keeps it up, when another officer asks if Armstrong the Great is her brother she snaps that she doesn’t consider him one, after his “cowardice” in Ishval. Once again, a brutal reminder that while Armstrong the Great may be on the side of Good, that does not mean that, barring exceptions like a few of her men (like Buccy, hmmm?), she is Nice. The Officer’s leading her down a metal hallway hey is this the one from the credit sequence? He’s quizzing her on the Three State-Appointed Tenets of Alchemy: Obey the Military Do Not Create Gold Do Not Create People As far as rules set by a Government, the first two rules are understandable: you can’t have a Government if the people don’t obey it, and an economy can’t function if people are making money from nothing. But the Third Tenet? Barring the standard natural reproduction of people, Armstrong the Great says that making new people is unethical, considered a sacrilege against God. [Officer]: *Shiny Glasses* “But that isn’t why. The State has no interest in ‘ethics’, they’re too much of a variable to use as a guideline.” Uh, what’s with the hanging heads? Why is Armstrong the Great freaked out guys Armstrong the Great is shocked what the hell are we looking at? [Officer]: “The true reason is far less abstract. The Third Tenant is to prevent someone from creating their own army, General.” End Credits. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH CENTRAL HAS GOLEMS AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH Post-Credits scene: Hey, the Mine Crew’s made it to Liore already! But they’re a bit peckish, where’s someplace to get some grub well hello Rose. She’s happy to see Al after all this time, and actually wanted to see Ed as well. Hee, I saw that smile Winry, and so did Al. Go on, tease her- [Beard]: “Ok Rose, these pots are as clean as they get! Have anything else-” The heck? Beard stuck around Liore? What about your mysterious plan, declaring war against Uncle? Oh my Leto if you actually stuck around just to help out Rose… Oh! Al wasn’t in Resembool when Ed ran into Beard, was he? This is the first time they’ve seen each other since Beard left home! ...but we’re going to have to wait for next episode to see the fallout. Damnit!

[cerastes]

Everybody* Loves Baldur

We are going to take a DETOUR from Arthurian mythos and Robin “Psychopath In The” Hood stories to explore the bizarre and extravagant lands of Old Norse mythos. Now, I know I say this about lots of different mythos, but, boy oh boy, Norse mythos, wild stuff, you’ll see. Today, we’ll talk about the supposed owner of a gate a lot of people who like classic Western RPGs are familiar with: Baldur.

Now, before even getting into Old Norse mythos, you need to understand something: No one is fully sure what Old Norse mythos is. A lot of scholars are not sure what the hell some characters are supposed to even be, but at least, unlike Irish mythos, we have mostly accurate ways to pronounce their names, so at least we can refer to them by name properly while we wonder what the fuck is going on instead of being stuck at “Dfk... Dufil... Dukfil... THAT DUDE went and asked Medb something”. But the thing is, Norse mythos is mostly preserved in its general gist, since a lot of the writings dealing with the itty gritty details are often damaged so there’s lotsa personal conjecture. 

BUT TODAY YOU MUSTN’T WORRY ABOUT ANY OF THAT BECAUSE BALDUR’S STORY IS ONE OF THEM WELL PRESERVED ONES, HAHA, PSYCHE, I BET I HAD YER KNICKERS IN A TWISTER. Aaalright, so, Baldur, Baldur’s the god of Light, or maybe Love, possibly Peace, no one is sure because he is never explicitly mentioned as being a “god of this thing”, but it’s mostly assumed he is the God of Light because of something I’ll mention later, and the thing with Baldur is that EVERYONE loves him. Baldur’s super hot and super nice, and he knows it, but he isn’t stuck up about it, he’s honestly the ideal person, Norse people back then would often beg for Baldur’s blessings on their newborn babies so they would be hot and cool like him. Practically everyone likes Baldur. Hell, it gets to such a point that, in another story not entirely relevant to today’s, the giantess Skadi, who is the first recorded person in history and lore to have a raging foot fetish, saw these GORGEOUS toes and immediately assumed “THOSE GOTTA BE BALDUR’S, ONLY BALDUR CAN HAVE FEET THIS GOD DAMN BEAUTIFUL, I AM GONNA SUCK THOSE TOES” and asked for marriage immediately, except, the feet weren’t Baldur’s, they were Njord’s (another god), and Skadi was like “aw fuck” and they got married because Njord happened to be a macrophile and liked his women big, but as with all marriages shotgunned into place by fetishes and a lack of contact, they ended up divorcing. BUT THAT is another story (and a good one, Skadi’s a fun lady). The point is, Baldur is so widely god damn loved that shit like this apparently happened a couple of times. You know you are a Pussy Destroyer when someone gets Schrodinger’s Married because it could possibly be you.

So Baldur was basically living the life, being nice, hot, and beloved, when one day, he starts having bad dreams. In these dreams, Baldur dies. Now, this is the part where you say “uh ok”, and this is the part where I explain “DREAMS WERE ALWAYS PROPHETIC IN NORSE MYTHOS” and now you say “oh”. So yeah, Baldur was going to die. Which made zero sense, because he is a god, and thus, biologically immortal (as in, [Shirou voice] only dies if he’s killed, won’t die of old age), so if he was going to die, it meant that someone was plotting to kill him. So Baldur goes to his daddy, Odin, and he’s crying and holding onto his blanket so Odin gets worried, as any father does, and asks “SON, DID YOU GET A BOO BOO, WHAT IS WRONG”, and Baldur explains he’s been dreaming he’s gonna die, and Frigg (his mother, Odin’s wife, the goddess also known as Frea, not to be confused with Freya) is also really sad because she’s also been dreaming that Baldur’s gonna kick the bucket, and in Norse mythos, when TWO whole people have the same dream, that’s basically something that WILL happen. Also, it makes no sense, because everybody loves Baldur, so who the fuck would want him dead? You know what else makes no sense? That Odin seems to forget his piece of shit son Loki exists. WAU.

So, shit, alright, fuck, we gotta deal with this, pronto, and Powermom is here to help. Frigg gets on her soccer mom van and drives at full speed across the Norse world and makes everything promise that they will not harm nor kill Baldur, ever. Notice I said everyTHING and not everyONE. That’s right, fellas, Frigging Frigg talked to absolutely everything in the world and made them promise to not kill Baldur, which was actually pretty easy, because everyone was like “yeah sure man we love Baldur, why would we harm him in the first place, we just want his autograph and his babies”, because if you are hot and nice, the world is yours. So now the whole world promised to not harm Baldur under any circumstance. The whole world, except the mistletoe, because the mistletoe was too young to make promises, so Frigg didn’t make it swear anything aND YOU NO DOUBT KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING. It’s like when I tell you “So SIegfried is invulnerable EXCEPT for a leaf shaped spot on his back” or “Achilles is impervious to all damage EXCEPT in his tendon”, old literature was kinda UNCOUTH AND HEAVY on the foreshadowing, as reading mythology will often tell you.

So Baldur is now literally impervious to all forms of damage, because the world promised not to harm him. So what do you do when you are undamageable? Why, you get shit thrown at you for kicks and giggles! The god damn gods, with Baldur also into it, straight developed this hobby of having B-Boy stand in the middle of the hall while everyone threw spears and arrows and axes and rockets and chairs at him just for a laugh and watch as they all missed or failed to injury him in the slightest because, hey, promises are promises. This is the part where I tell you that Humans Have Always Been Humans, even gods, because if we have the opportunity to do something incredibly stupid like lugging javelins at a dude just to see what happens if we know it won’t hurt him, you damn right know we will. So they gods are getting shitfaced and rowdy with this whole Put The Spear On Baldur game they made up, when Loki, using his Robbie Rotten powers to disguise into an old lady, approaches Fregg, who was having a laugh watching at literally everyone throw sharp shit at her invincible son.

“HEY FREGG, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS”

“Oh, you know, the world promised not to harm Baldur, see, so now we are just throwing shit at him, it’s ok”

“Everything promised not to harm him?”

“Well, yeah, everything except the mistletoe, because it’s too young to make promises, but it’ll be alright”

“YES INDEED VERY VERY ALRIGHT”

So Loki fucks off and goes to find a mistletoe, naturally. And this one isn’t for kissing, no sir, because Loki somehow sharpens the mistletoe and makes it into a mistlefoe, and fashions a god damn spear out of the mistlefoe because Fuck You He’s Loki And He Can Do That. Now, we all know a good trickster doesn’t get his own hands dirty, so he’s going around with his mistlefoe spear, looking for someone to Do The Deed, when he finds Hod (also known as Hodur), the blind twin brother of Baldur, crying in a corner. 

“Sup B, why you crying”

“Well, everyone is having fun throwing miscellaneous war paraphernalia at my bro and they won’t let me in ‘cause I’m blind as a bat and they are afraid I might hit someone else”

“How Unreasonable Of Them To Not Let The Blind Dude Throw Killthings! I have just the thing for you! I will lend you my spear, so go have a swing at B-Boy”

“SU-WEET”

So Hod, armed with the Mistlefoe Spear, takes a running start and throws that sucker with a smile on his face, rolls a natural 20, and deals the Criticalest of fucking Hits on Baldur, landing the spear SQUARE on his heart. Why were they even AFRAID of this dude missing, the guy was clearly a marksman. Except, this was the mistletoe, so it pierced Baldur’s gorgeous, well oiled pectorals easily, stabbed his heart, and killed him dead. Oops.

Odin was like “??????” and was SO PISSED that he went, had mega sex with the giantess Rindr, gave birth to Vali as soon as they were done, and Vali grew into adulthood after a single day and then killed Hod. Do you ever get SO ANGRY that you go have sex with a giantess just to spawn a kid that immediately becomes a warrior JUST to kill a dude that pissed you off? Odin, you could’ve just HIT HIM yourself, what the fuck.

Well, anyways, so everyone was pretty sad because Cool Guy Had Bad Day and died. Messengers everywhere we doling out the news, women wept, men cried, it was a bad day. It was such a bad day that Hel, ruler of, uh, Hell, was like “aw shucks that kinda sucks?”, and as much as she liked the guy, Hel had a job to do as the rule of the underworld, but she decided to make an exception this one time, but only if the world earned it. Hel grabbed her megaphone and yelled “ALRIGHT KIDS, so I know you are all very sad Baldur’s dead and you want him back, so I am going to make a ONE TIME EXCEPTION, I will let him out of the underworld and revive, only, and ONLY, if everyone in the world cries and weeps for him”.

And everyone was like pffff no biggie, we love that dude, let’s CRY, so they did. Hel’s doing the checklist, like some sort of twisted Santa Klaus, checking who’s crying, and the list is almost full, but then she burrows her brow and drops the list. “Well, I guess Baldur is not coming back to life, that one girl didn’t cry” and everyone was like “WHAT WHO”

So Hel points at the giantess Thokk, whose name literally means “thanks”, ironically enough, and says “she ain’t crying, deal’s off” and she closes the Underworld, presumably to fangirl out to Baldur who lived there now. So everyone’s naturally like “THOKK WHAT THE FUCK” but then Freddy from Scooby Doo is like “Wait, there’s something fishy about this” and removes her face and, What Do You Know, It Was Loki In Disguise. He went and ruined EVERYTHING for EVERYONE again. And I don’t simply mean “he made sure someone everyone loved died and stayed dead”, I mean “Loki got Baldur killed and kickstarted the Ragnarok” because Baldur’s death robbed the world of light, hence why he’s assumed to be the God of Light.

So uh

Good job buddy.

Also, Loki literally had nothing to gain from this. Ragnarok’s also a really bad deal for him. He just... Did it. Because.

So the real message of the Story of Baldur is that one very dedicated asshole can and will ruin things for everyone and everything if left to his own devices.

[finsterhund]

Here lies 2018, a creatively bankrupt year for Finsterhund, but maybe that is for the best.

This year was um... bad... I think. But that doesn't stop me from really being hopeful for the future. I have a dark confession though. I feed off of negativity in a way that scares me and I don’t know how to face it.

Here’s my thoughts about the past year and my hopes for the future. Warning: it gets dark.

This year we moved into a “temporary house” another one, but this time it was one I actually cried because of how much I was actively afraid to live here. That didn't convince my roommates though lmao. No proper bedroom lighting, having to walk through a dark forest to get to the bus stop, and suspicious neighborly activities were things that I had to deal with here. It is oh so fortunate that I will be moving.

After 2017; the Year of Wannabe, being lied to about my dog dying, and getting groomed by someone who was nice to me on the internet (again) I was an emotional wreck. I was paranoid that abusive people like Wannabe, his artist, my dad, the guy I thought was my friend, and others similar might cause issue or be even more of a problem this year. Fortunately, the horrible fears I assumed may transpire and ruin everything did not rip through Internet Land(tm) but I was still kept in a constant state of paranoia.

The antifandom didn't return either, with the exception of a vindictive troll called Zachary. You’ll probably notice that my posts about him trailed off relatively recently. It was revealed that he was dealing with verbally abusive parents. While they don’t excuse his actions, they certainly explained them. I only hope with time he gets out of that environment and learns to express opinions in a healthy way. That’s something I still struggle with. For similar reasons.

A youtube gaming channel did play HoD and spread some false allegations against the game’s devs “as a joke” which was pretty sick and not actually a joke. False allegations are bad. They diminish when people do actual real bad things and make the people who do those bad things feel empowered to say “you are just a call out post maker who hates free speech” and things like that. But fortunately, people who aren't completely stupid didn't believe it.

So despite nothing really serious happening this year, I was still considerably anxious. My mental state has been slowly and surely getting worse every year I’m not medicated, and my physical health has been blatantly declining too. The symptoms of my weaker immune system have been getting worse, and my appetite has been getting bigger. I've found out recently that unlike regular depression and most mental illnesses and disorders, cabin fever can cause heightened appetite and food cravings. For the longest time I felt invalid because my mental illnesses are supposed to take away my appetite, not make it worse, but by finally acknowledging that I suffer from longterm cabin fever, I've come to terms with the fact that it does indeed make sense.

Now to find a way of dealing with cabin fever... haha... ha...ha.

But my situation left me creatively bankrupt. Paranoid, anxious, and very tired. I still did draw and try to write, but that gradually became harder and harder as my laptop began to fail in the summer. In fall, finally, when Microsoft forced that October update, the hard disk stopped for good, and I lost the considerable amount of things left that I hadn't yet backed up. Despite getting a replacement that I can still draw and write with, a big chunk of my passion died with that hard disk. I’m very sentimental, I don’t let go of things easily. The end of an era can make it so that the new era takes way too long to start up from the rubble.

Interestingly enough however, is that the same creative affliction and severe negative downward spiral that killed my ability to draw and write after the death of my laptop also happened to Wannabe’s Artist, for no reason, who sub sequentially just started tanking emotionally. This is something I've noticed a few times. The people who hurt me having bad things happening to them that follow the same trend of bad things happening to me. Wannabe’s computer being plagued by the same Windows 10 updates that killed mine, Wannabe’s Artist losing her passion.

I've come to the conclusion that the reason why the universe forces me to suffer is in order to make the evil people who have done bad things to me suffer as well. It’s a form of balance. I must take the same bullet that they do. I know this is likely my paranoia and psychosis talking, but I really feel that if karma does exist, that is how it works. I take comfort in my suffering, because it has to be this way. Good can only exist because of suffering also existing. If I am to be a lighting rod, I hope that the good that comes as a result of my pain is powerful and beneficial to the other people who receive it.

The internet censorship has gotten worse, but considering where I stand on certain issues now, part of me thinks that’s for the best. Am I willing to sacrifice certain freedoms in order to ensure that evil people don’t feel welcome? Well, I don’t know, but it was nice seeing Wannabe’s Artist almost get banned from multiple websites and actually get banned from several. She made a new tumblr account and it promptly got banned. She made ANOTHER new tumblr account and lost in in the purge. Despite me not liking censorship, there’s a strange poetic justice watching it claim someone you don’t like as the result of nothing more than their own actions.

It’s strange how perspective can change how you think about things. Your world view can shift with one different experience. I hope that I have not been permanently shifted into being a combative person because of this.

There’s a really strange and extremely malicious and negative but still gratifying comfort in knowing that awful people who ruined your life are suffering just the same as you. We all are little mortal beings made of flesh being buffeted around by a cold uncaring world. It was the same feeling I got watching the security footage of my predator birth father being tasered after punching a police officer. Police brutality is wrong, I’ll never say it isn't. But the fact that it is wrong doesn't mean that he didn't deserve it. There’s a sickness deep in my heart to derive enjoyment in the suffering of others, something that I feel destroys what little purity I've managed to hold onto and hoard away and value so highly as a remnant of what I used to be, but I don’t know how to fight it. It feels instinctive to be honest, like gratification or release. I’d like to say that only genuinely awful people suffering make me feel like this, but even some people who I just don’t like will have bad things happen and I’ll have to stop myself from feeling enjoyment from it. Is there a way to cure this? Prevent it? Is it selfishness or is it entirely subconscious? How do I even start not feeling this way. I don’t know. I don’t want it in my life. I want it to stop. But it just fills me before I have a chance to tell myself it’s wrong.

Do I feel awful, guilty, and ashamed that I feel this way? Of course. Do I know that it’s wrong to feel this way? Also yes. At this point though, my vicious hatred of those who have done me wrong is a very powerful motivator. To live just to spite them, to go through hardships to sit back and watch them do the same. To see that those my paranoia-riddled brain deems “powerful beings of abuse” being tripped and cut and crushed by the same mortal perils that make it hard for me to keep on going is a better psychosis cure than anything I've had access to this year. “If it bleeds, we can kill it” that sort of thing. Humanizing these big imposing evils by remembering that they are people, just like me, is the key to getting over my fear of them. The same problems I face are faced by them. How then can they be agents sent by an organization or monsters specifically created by the universe to torment me? We’re all just little dudes. Them included.

I hope with time I can learn to stop delighting in the hardships of others, even if these people are bad, have done bad things, or have done me wrong. It’s a toxic mentality to have those thoughts, even if it’s the fire I need to dig myself out of the pits I've fallen down into.

This year I “lost” a good friend of mine. Lili. I have no way of knowing if you are safe, if you have gotten better, and I refuse to entertain the alternative. You stopped coming online completely and I briefly received anonymous messages from a relative saying you were deathly sick, then nothing. I think of you every day and pray you are alright. I miss you a lot. I hope you’re happy and healthy wherever you are.

This year I had a friend have a cancer scare, and I lost someone I had grown to consider a friend at the beginning of spring to cancer in the summer. I don’t know how to process it. I don’t handle death properly. I've more so been numb and in denial of it. I’m afraid of losing people I care about. They’re the only good in the world to me.

I deny my own mortality, I joke about it, I crave it. But it comes into my mind when I’m trying to sleep too. Apparently I have just short of ten years left, if estimations about atrophy are to be believed. But I am not a statistic, I’m a person. I think “Since I am going to die soon anyways why couldn't I die instead of this person? Why couldn't I be in the hospital. This person deserves to live. They do good in the world. What will I do?” But at the same time, I think “How will I manage to live my dreams in just ten years. How will I have a full life? Maybe they’re wrong and I’ll be 100 years old when I am dead. But what if it is true and I’m just starting to live when it ends? What happens when it ends?” Every year pushes me closer to facing that, and I don’t know how. Once my metabolism slows, what will that mean for my heart? Will it be another fluke where “life finds a way” or will they be right this time? It scares me. It really does. My current plans are expecting that I will need mobility assistance devices then. I deny the expedited mortality. But I think about how I haven’t accomplished much and I feel a strong sense of loss.

Unfortunately, and probably a big reason for my downward spiral was that I set my hopes up for something this year that wouldn't happen, and didn't happen.

2018 Marked the 20th anniversary for Heart of Darkness, and I practically begged and pleaded to the universe, wished on every wishing star, and did everything short of selling my soul for a remake, sequel, art book, remaster, anything.

Needless to say, these efforts were in vain. I watched as other beloved games that I had fond memories of like Spyro and Crash got remastered, hoping and pleading that HoD would follow suit.

And it didn't.

I set myself up for disappointment, which ended up making me feel hopeless as the “Great Heart of Darkness Year” could never have turned out like I had wanted. My mentality for life is usually “expect the least, always be pleasantly surprised when something happens” but for this year I let optimism and hope fly a bit out of control, and sooner or later if it’s not met with real results it’s going to come crashing down.

I’m making it sound like the year was completely awful only made bearable by it also being awful for my mortal enemies, but that wouldn't be entirely true.

I got some really good art at cons, from friends, and just regular fan art that other fans have made and posted. I did get to do some fun things every once in a while, even if my seasonal depression has numbed them all in my mind right now. I’ll come back to this post and add them.

Right at the beginning of the year, (or was it the end of the last year?) I got to have a skype call with Eric. THE ERIC. And he complimented my Andy hat. I didn't post my write up about the call because I felt it wouldn't be fair to overshadow such a wonderful event with all the negativity that was happening at the time the post was finished. So I waited... and waited... and waited... and never did post it. Maybe I should rectify that. And rewrite the post because it was on my old laptop when it died OTL I felt bad because due to my inability to sleep at night I probably looked exhausted to Eric. I hope he didn't think I was bored. But he made HoD, and it’s blatantly obvious how closely I identify to Andy, so it’s likely he understood the reason I looked like a zombie. Sorry Eric. I was excited beyond belief inside. I just didn't let it out verbally for fear of being rude.

We did get to see the Saturn disc. It helped me retain some positivity after this holiday season drug me down into a dark hole.

Was it this year that I got my computer chair? It might not have been but I’m so thankful for how it saved my back and stopped my chronic pain from making it impossible for me to sit and draw that I’ll thank it anyway. Thank you chair.

I’m really grasping at straws but I know there were lots of things I just can’t remember now. I’ll add them later.

My friend Fishy(Rob) was absolutely incredible to me for the entire year. Offering great headcanons, compassionate support, words of encouragement, and donating to me to always ensure the HoD website stays online forever. For Christmas he also sent me Tiny, who I’d like to say has finally gotten along with Whisky stuffy and they can share my bed now no problem. I also report that I loved all the candy he sent me and it was all amazing and I’m now a fan of macadamia nuts. It’s because of Fishy that I didn't completely lose my passion for writing and drawing. I’m going to be posting my finished fanfic after I sleep this morning.

I mean it when I say that Fishy is one of the last great lighthouses shining in the horrible turbulent storm that is whatever the hell my existence has become at this point. Every day I think about how we are friends and it makes me feel happy.

This year I reconnected with my oldest friendship. My funky mushroom pal XP I hope we will get to visit again sometime soon.

I did try to remain close with my friends, but I feel I did drift apart from some friends. I know it’s not either of our faults, life happens, but I want you to know that it wasn't your fault. I just got tired all the quicker this year. Slow, tired, easily overwhelmed. Hopefully next year I can be energetic and close. That’s how I want to be.

My resolutions for this year are probably still the same or similar to last year but I forgot what they were.

Stop being so paranoid and obsessive and scared.

Don’t give up on creative endeavors

Maintain and strengthen my friendships

Get my service dog

Get medications. That’s really important.

Get to see doctors regularly. With my issues I should be seeing one once a month. I haven’t seen one in over a year.

Do things, eat things, see things more

L I V E

Stop taking everything so seriously.

Talk more to Fishy and my friends in general.

Stand up for myself, even to people who are in authority or who I trust.

Learn to let things go.

Make some great HoD stuff.

Don’t put off fun things like video games because I don’t feel I “deserve” them.

Permanently kill the part of me that delights in the suffering of others. I don’t know how, but I’m gunna try. I want to be pure again, and as much as I feel that that was stolen from me, it’s mine to reclaim and I've just gotta work hard for it.

Purity is a state of mind. I need to live that state of mind and realize that that will be infinitely more important than biting and lashing out in an effort to “avenge” it.

With that being said, I really do feel that a lot of my problems can be negated by having access to mental health specialists, doctors, medicine, fresh air, things to do, exercise, and more regular meals. I hope that the new year will bring more availability to these things as they will prove to be very important in improving my health and mood.

In closing, I am immensely grateful for my friends, for Heart of Darkness, for the people who made Heart of Darkness, for dogs, for art, for the internet (only sometimes, other times it’s a curse), for food, for iced tea, and for the good moments this year had because of these things. As always, thank you for the people who stayed with me despite this severe turbulence. I really cannot begin to thank you for your patience. Staying with me despite how I am shows a lot of faith that I still have a chance to improve and get better and live life on the right track. Thank you for believing in me. I’ll try not to let you down in 2019.

Love you all.

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 33

Last time: Some other stuff happened but who cares because WE’VE GOT ANOTHER ARMSTRONG WOOT WOOT. Onwards!

No, wait. I need to calm down, this is a character I haven’t met yet, I can’t just assume that they’ll be good. Even though they’re related to The Mighty Armstrong. Even though they feature prominently in the intro. Even though Uncle apparently spent the outro last episode fanboying over her. Even though Tephi has been subtly eager for me to get to this point, and my coworker Michael has not so subtly demanded that I talk with him about this episode once I’ve finished it. I must not hype. Hype is the mind-killer. Hype is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my hype. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the hype has gone there will be nothing. Only canon will remain. Ok. I’m good now. Onwards. Huh, we’ve got Narrator!Uncle at the start of this episode, talking about how the Elrics are searching for May, while the “Crimson Alchemist” Kimblee is tracking Scar west, until his trail vanishes. Was there a gap between these two episodes? Kimblee’s checking out the twisting railroad in the mountains, trying to figure out if his quarry went north or south. Mooks keep running up with possible Scar sightings to the south and west, but Kimblee notes an “old abandoned logging path” to the north, when he goes to investigate the MPs just chalk up the rubble blocking the road to the rockslides that shut it down in the first place. But Kimblee’s got a hunch, and finds a stone with some clear Transmutation marks on it. Whoops. Looks like Scar didn’t cover his tracks well enough. The chase is back on! Episode 33 - “The Northern Wall of Briggs” Ed’s running through a station in his new cold-weather coat, Al following as the locals clearly wonder what kind of maniac wears full plate armor in this climate. There’s a cute moment when the brothers admire the snow- that quickly sours when Ed slips on the train station’s stairs. See, this is why I want to live as close to the equator as possible - snow and ice may look nice, but in practice they suck.

A bit of younger brother teasing about taking a tumble, some reminiscing about “that one good snow when we were kids” that everyone seems to have, and looking around town for a bite to eat before their Fort Briggs train transitions to Kimblee’s command post where mooks are running about, answering phones and yelling at each other. The hunter’s sulking in a chair until a report comes in of Scar boarding a train towards Fort Briggs (I wonder who’ll get there first, the Elrics, May, or Scar?). Kimblee immediately brushes off the rest of the task force, he’s out to take down Scar and Marcoh personally. Scar and probably!Yoki are hiding out in a train car, Scar tells his companion to try and get some sleep now as he won’t be able to when it gets really cold. Then he hears something? The Ishvalan goes to check outside the car, doesn’t see anything so closes the door and turns- wait no he heard something again and yup it’s a military train on the other track, Kimblee leaning out the side and preparing to jump over. Once there he waves his ride off and marches towards Scar’s car, opens the door… and it’s empty, with the side cargo door wide open. Did Scar jump out the train at full speed? I get he could use Alchemy to soften the landing, but still. Uh oh, if he did jump then he left his cloaked companion behind, Kimblee orders “Marcoh” to stand down. The hood comes off and yup, that’s Yoki. Who apparently was a distraction! Scar was hiding out on the roof of the train car, in the moment that Kimblee is wondering who this guy is and probably about to kill him, Scar swings back in and throws a few kicks while Yoki scrambles away. Scar and Kimblee are facing each other down now, Kimblee snarks about “the murderous Ishvalan he’s heard so much about” when the moon lights up the car and they both have a little “hold up I remember that face!” moment. Well, not so little actually. Scar is furious to see the man who murdered his family, and Kimblee’s got a really happy grin at seeing the one who got away. Glowy eyes of anger! Hand of Doom! Yoki whining about getting away from the monsters fighting and then realising that he can’t get off the train! The smoke clears to show Kimblee just smirking at Scar even after the HoD, the ass talking about seeing another person looking like Scar, only with glasses and a distinct lack of blood. Yikes, come on Scar, keep it together. You’ve got to know that Kimblee’s riling you up, controlling the fight. Oh! But for all Kimblee’s insults, internally he’s worried. He’s only just got out of prison while Scar’s been fighting for years against State Alchemists. He’s physically weaker than- oh. Oh my, that was quick. See, this is why you don’t just stand around and internally monologue during a fight, you leave yourself wide open to a pipe through the gut. Wow. Gotta admit, Kimblee. I expected better from you. Here you were being talked up as the Butcher of Ishval, wielder of a Philosopher’s Stone and the newest weapon of the Goths. And what do you do? You get completely shut down minutes into your first fight with Scar, bleeding from the gut while he just looks down on you. If it wasn’t for Scar wanting to deal his brother’s injuries to Kimblee instead of going straight for the kill, you’d be gone. As it was, Scar has a lapse of judgement, and Kimblee takes the moment to decouple the train car, swearing that they’ll settle things next time they meet.

Yeah, no. I thought Kimblee was a good threat when he first showed up and was looking forwards to his fight with Scar, but this? This was just sad. Dude had better shape up before the next fight, especially if everyone’s going to Briggs and he’ll be facing the Protagonist and the Princess as well. The train driver finally realizes that they dropped a few train cars and stops to see what the heck is going on, and is understandably shocked to see Kimblee bleeding out on the new caboose. Kimblee just snaps at him for stopping the train, ranting about death and destruction. Dude is positively gleeful at the idea of Scar the Worthy Opponent, how being at risk means that he’s alive. Whatever buddy, the sooner you go after the guy who just did this to you the sooner I can stop listening to you. Next day, we’ve got May and Marcoh walking through the snow, talking about how Scar and “Marcoh” were drawing off the military so they could head north. Ouch! I was worried that Marcoh’s face would just be a mess of scars, but it’s still sad to see him look so much older with an apparent blinded eye. Maybe when this is over May can finish patching him up, even if he thinks he deserves this new face. The two stop to look over the Briggs mountain range, Amestris’ border with Drachma. Almost to the place Scar stashed his brother’s research notes? What possessed him to hide them here of all places? Mid-ep pictures of Solf J. Kimblee (get it together, dude) and Olivier Mira Armstrong aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh No! Keep it together!

Damnit stop dropping all the way down south to Rush Valley again we are so close to the new character argh Winry’s calling after the Elric Brothers only to learn they’ve checked out of the hotel and headed north. Ed, you’d better give her a call when you get to the fort, don’t just let her stay worried. Especially when Winry’s boss doesn’t think they’ll be safe. Damnit Ed! Wear a hat for petes sake, I don’t care how thick a coat you have if you don’t keep your head covered of course you’ll catch a cold! The Elrics are dropped off at a road to Fort Briggs, the driver heads off… after asking if Al’s wearing automail, saying he should be ok since it isn’t, and they should stay on the road if they want to live. Um. Yeah, Ed’s appreciation for show is officially gone. The boys are stumbling through a blizzard now, Ed tries to psych them up by talking about Teacher surviving out here for a month, fighting bears (hee, now I’m remembering that video about her meeting Sig)- Gah! Big Man! Big Man from the intro, with the chainsaw/scissor arm! Ed freaks out at seeing him and goes into blade mode. Then the guy nets Al?! Dude what the heck, do you just wander around attacking anyone not clearly military in the area? He insults Ed’s automail arm (somewhere Winry gets the urge to swing a wrench), says he has Combat Automail Model 1913A, “The Crocodile”. [Chainsaw-Man]: “Now surrender peacefully, you miserable Drachman spy, or I’ll show you exactly what this baby can do.” Ah ok that makes more sense. This is military land so seeing someone wandering around not in your own uniform would be suspicious. But how do you get non-military personnel or new people to the fort then? Did the brothers miss a phone in North City they were supposed to call ahead with? Yikes ok Chainsaw-Man is not listening, Ed has to keep dodging until he grasps his shoulder. It hurts? Aw crap, he does have a metal arm attached to his body in the middle of a blizzard. It’s painful enough to grab doorknobs when it’s freezing outside, to have metal constantly touching your bare skin? Ouch.

Uh. Actually, that whole “attached to his body” thing might not be relevant much longer; Chainsaw-Man’s revved up his arm and is trying to cut off Ed’s hand. Quick Ed, return the favor!... I said, return the favor! … Why isn’t his Alchemy working? Did Uncle do another anti-Alchemy pulse? Alright, Al’s untangled himself! A quick helmet toss tangles up the chainsaw, and both brothers are ready to fight again. Hopefully with fewer scratches on the automail this time, it’ll be bad enough explaining the current damage to Winry. Come on dude, stop dissing Ed’s arm. It’s got more uses than yours, at least. I’d like to see you tie your shoelaces! Actually, as a unique character I’m assuming he’s an officer at the fort, he might just order one of the Snowtroopers who are surrounding the Elrics to tie them for him. Oh hey, the snow’s died down and there’s a big wall close to them. They made it to the fort! Alright, fight’s over now, let’s just calm down and explain why you’re here. Hand over the letter and- [HER]: “Buccaneer! Who are they?” she’s here Buccaneer spins around to apologize for the noise, the Elrics look up to see Major-General Olivier Mira Armstrong glaring down at them. Major Armstrong’s older sister. Yesssss What, you don’t see the familial resemblance? I mean, I didn’t at first, either (in retrospect her wearing the blue uniform in the intro should have been a dead giveaway) but just because she isn’t as tall as her little (snrk) brother shouldn’t make you so doubtful. Ed introduces himself as the Fullmetal Alchemist, the General simply orders them to be searched. What, do you have a lot of pipsqueak spies and hollow suits of armor showing up to spy for Drachma? Aha, the letter of introduction! There, read The Mighty Armstrong’s letter, I’m sure that- or you just tear it up unread. I can get making your own opinions of people, but you’re just throwing away a source of information? Oh. Oh wow. The tossed aside letter fragments are being blown up the wall. And up. And up. And up… That’s a big wall. Like, wow. Ok, you’ve gotten permission to enter, head on inside and uh oh. Something to note about General Armstrong - she does not care for fools who A) don’t immediately follow her orders, and B) are so easily impressed by their surroundings. Bunny!Ed cowers from the glare of Bear!Armstrong. [General Armstrong]: “Be warned, I won’t coddle you just because you’re children. This is the Mountain Fortress, Briggs! Here only the strong survive!”

Alright, so it seems that our Protagonist didn’t make the best first impression, and Armstrong the Great has been established as a hardline commander. I am really looking forward to seeing more of this fort, and the person who leads it. Post-credits scene! May and Marcoh have reached a small cabin and dug up a box, holding Scar’s brother’s (does the guy actually have a name?) research notes. Could the combination of Xing Alkahestry and Amestris Alchemy be an alternative to the Philosopher’s Stone? [Marcoh]: “Well… there’s only one way to find out.”

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 28

Last time: We had a “Surprise, you’re shipping my son and my great-granddaughter” scare, unresolved Season 2 issues gave way to a recap episode, and Beard argued with himself. Onwards!

Straight into the Crush Flower/Spare Flower intro this time (still can’t get over young!Armstrong crying GUH), let’s hurry up and get some answers! A fanged skull being used as a candle-holder? Obviously the laboratory of a reputable scientist! So yeah, Gluttony’s just shown Al into Father’s lab (who isn’t in his chair for once, did he actually go fishing?), Al and Shao are just a little freaked out at the interior decoration. Gluttony doesn’t give them time to settle down though, calls out for Father- What. Oh my goodness. Father is Papa Elric? Who would have ever guessed. What a shock.

Episode 28 - “Father” So! Awkward family reunion time! I’m sure that Al has lots of questions. But surprisingly, Father isn’t that happy that Gluttony just opened the door for a Protagonist, Gluttony’s in a heck of a lot of pain. Father targeting his Stone, somehow? A deadman’s switch if any Goths went against him directly? Oh! Jeez, I’d almost forgotten about how Ed, Ling, and Envy were forcing their way out of a Leto-forsaken pocket dimension. Jailbreak! Al’s a little concerned to see a titanic monster burst out of Gluttony, but is distracted by seeing his brother and the freeloading prince alive. Easy with the hugs, Al! After the brothers get their “OML I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE NOT DEAD” out of the way, time to talk with pops. Who… notes their metal limbs/body, and asks if they’re the Elric Brothers? Hold on, what? He doesn’t recognize his own kids? But he saw Ed in Resembool just a while ago, how- Oh. OH! D’oh, it’s so obvious. Dude’s made artificial humans with fragments of his own personality, is that kind of guy really going to do drudge work when he can pass it on to others? And someone who makes “superior beings” out of himself is too vain to just hire common workers, oh no. Why stop at making only seven Goths, when you can make a couple more to keep the place clean? Yup, Uncle asks if they mean von Hohenheim, is surprised (and pleased?) to learn that the guy has children. More confused as to why they call themselves the Elrics, learning that it’s their mother’s name just has him ask where Hohenheim’s been if not with his kids. See, Beard/Father? Even your clones think that you’re being a jerk. Ouch, Ed’s still a bit beat up from the escape (so wait, are Envy, Gluttony, and Ling just hanging out by the wall while this is going on), and Al’s missing his hand. Didn’t Ed bring that back? Let’s go ahead and- uh. Um. Uncle just Transmuted Al’s hand back, and fixed Ed’s arm. And then Ed’s broken ribs as well. Without any Transmutation Circles, no movement, and without drawing on any pre-existing materials. [Ed/Al]: “There isn’t any Equivalent Exchange!” EEC: 10 And with that, Uncle goes from “quirky household help” to “terrifyingly powerful Goth”. Ling points out that he’s obviously not human- [Uncle]: “I would ask who you are, but I honestly don’t care.”

While Ling stands shocked at the utter disrespect, Uncle just walks away and says Gluttony can eat him. Whoa dude, hold on. Maybe the Elrics can argue that if Uncle wants them to be well, he should spare their friend? Nope, Uncle DNGAF about an insect such as What’s-his-name. Ed? Ed buddy, I know that you’re the hotheaded Anime Protagonist, but maybe this is the time for a strategic retreat? Maybe you shouldn’t attack the dude who can do freeform Transmutation, and who has two Goths waiting just off to the side? Or you could Earthbend at him, whatever. Guys? Guys, please think about what you’re doing. Uncle here is a minion of Father, and he’s powerful enough Transmute without EC. You’re facing the Big Bad’s Dragon here, and the show’s barely halfway through. You need to get out of there, now. Envy’s attacking the kids now, and they’re all but ignoring the Titan!Goth to try and hit Uncle, who at most raises a hand to block Al’s attack, then sends Ling flying. This is not a fight you can win, and I can tell Uncle’s patience is running out. He takes one step forward… Uncle takes a single step, and the sheer force of his power radiates through the room, to Scar and May where they face the chimeras, and even out to Beard himself as he apparently is still on his fishing trip. Point is, dude’s strong. Ed and Al snap out of their shock, strike the ground… ok, good, they’ve finally realised they’re outmatched and are surrendering. Or… not? [Ed/Al]: “What’s going on? I can’t Transmute!”

Oooooh Leto. That’s not good. Not only is Uncle ludicrously strong, but they can make an anti-Alchemy field? And one that’s selective, too; Ed and Al have been depowered, but Envy can still smash them into the ground. Envy mocks them as lower life forms, blathering about how humans don’t even understand their own power. (Oooh, sudden thought. If that implies that Alchemy comes from Truth, and we can assume that the Elrics are gonna defeat Truth to get Al’s soul back, is that going to disrupt Alchemy as a whole? Is Amestris going to have to reorganize around not having magic?). Uncle tells Envy to shut up, then says that Ling may be useful after all. Holy crud, the intro was right. That was Ling standing with the Goths? Hoo boy, Lan Fan is not going to be happy when she hears about this. Envy’s expositing that Uncle’s got the Stone in his bloodstream, and can spread it to others to create Human Homunculi. All Ed and Al can do is pound hopelessly at the ground, crying about how they’ve lost their powers and can’t do anything. But wait! Ed has the pistol! But before Ed can/has to use the gun, Ling yells at him to stay out of it. [Ling]: “I came to your land to find a Philosopher’s Stone, and now this guy wants to give me one! I’m not gonna turn this down!” Come on, Ling! You’re going to go through what Bradley did, stay strong! Battle of the mind again, Ling’s floating in a sea of tortured red souls, when ok here’s Father’s Sin. You… you can do it Ling? Ok, ok good! Don’t fight the Sin (assuming Greed, not Lust), but work with it, be unconventional! [Ling]: “I said come! I freely accept you!” [Greed]: “Y’know, people normally reject me.” But Ling is anything but normal. Future Emperor of Xing here (disregarding the whole “making the guy whose job I want immortal” thing, but whatever). Greed at least is amused by Ling’s ambition. And yeah, as much as I applauded the first Greed for acting so Slytherin (views subordinates as possessions, angry that someone would steal from him by harming them), if Ling does end up going Goth then there’s no better way than a quest for power, to provide for his people.

Ling goes into the light… And Greed wakes up. Damnit. So yeah. Ling’s gone, replaced by the new Greed. Ed and Al frantically plead for Ling to remember, to answer them, but no dice. Greed just stands there and smirks at them. Door? Someone else coming to the party? Oh hey, Scar and May! About time you showed up! Ok, ok, let’s get the important stuff out of the way; Shao reunited with May? Check! Scar finally realizing that the Elrics aren’t working with the Goths? Check! May finally seeing Ed, and all her romantic dreams being shattered in a tragic and hilarious fashion? Check! Gluttony points out the Ishvalan, and Uncle lets him loose. Crap, and they don’t have their Alchemy, Scar’s Hand O’ Doom won’t- work?! And May, too? All right, the effect’s worn off! Or not, the Elrics are still depowered. Well, when punching won’t work, try talking. And what better thing to say that tell Scar that the one responsible for the destruction of his people is standing right in front of him? Scar… does not take this revelation calmly. Like, May’s backing away from the fury of Yoki’s servant. And Uncle’s going to have a bit of a mess to clean up after all this is over. Uncle orders Greed to eliminate the outsiders, Ed tries to run interference and talk Ling back into control, and May’s fleeing from Gluttony. Uncle’s in his Investigative mode, ports right behind Scar to ask how he’s still using his Alchemy. Scar goes for the Hand O’ Doom, and Uncle just stands there, and calmly works through the technique. Scar’s freaked. And almost killed, Leto! May pauses for one second at seeing Scar hurt, and gets struck by Gluttony for her concern. Thankfully Al comes in for the save and gets the protesting May outside. Where there are chimera waiting, great. Ok, Scar’s there now but injured, the chimera are still massed, and both Gluttony and Envy are heading directly for them. Al tells Scar to take May and run, since he’s the one who at least will survive facing them. But Scar refuses and grabs his helmet, throws it to make a spark. Big boom! The smoke clears as Al grabs his helmet, only to get grabbed by Envy in turn. Looks like Scar and May escaped in the cover, so Gluttony’s ordered to sniff them down. Thankfully all of Scar’s HOD’s at least disrupted Gluttony’s regeneration ability so he can’t do much more than lay there and smoke. And OH MY LETO I just realized where the Ishvalan and Xings went to. Hopefully it goes better for them than it did for Martel. Greed’s fighting Ed, Ed’s still screaming for Ling to take back control. Knocks Greed down, challenges him about his country and Lan Fan- OH. That right there, Ling not blocking the punch and just glaring at Ed? Maybe it’s false hope, maybe I just don’t want Ling to go the way of Hughes, but I’m getting a message of “dude, stfu and stop trying to blow my cover” from that glare. Please please please let this be a ploy to enter the Goth circle as a spy.

Greed captures Ed and Uncle orders him to be taken upstairs to Wrath. Accusing them of “treason” and throwing in jail, maybe? Ed’s calmed down now, whispers to Al what he’s discovered/hopes for: Ling is still alive. End credits! Hoooooo boy. Lots of stuff this episode, lots of setup. Looking forward to next week, let’s give Uncle a bit of time to tidy up before the Elrics wreck his stuff again.