#and granted i know fuck all about the subject but both the lyrics and the graphics do such a good job of explaining it???

[songofwizardry]

obligatory appreciation post for acapella science—every couple months i go back down a rabbit hole and am reminded how brilliant those songs and videos are!

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Grunge-Metal Geralt 3

its finally time 😂 after months of staring at an empty google doc i finally had a useful idea - also y’all, go listen to ‘Brighter Side of Grey’ by Five Finger Death Punch bc that’s the song i based this on and its fire and i love it also all of ffdp is one whole witchery mood

Warnging: vague discussion of a car crash where Geralt was severely injured, big emotionaly vulnerability, swearing?, listen to the song then you’ll get the vibes i promise

__________________

“Give them a break, guys,” Eskel sighed as he wrote down his coffee order, “They had a close call. It’s not like they’re always this…”

“Gross. Skel. The word you’re looking for is gross.” Lambert snatched the paper out of his brother’s hand and stalked out of the room with Aiden in tow. 

Jaskier scrunched his nose and called from where he was tucked under Geralt’s chin, “Did we drive them away? I can get up if it’s too much.” Even as he spoke, neither he nor Geralt so much as twitched to make good on the offer. 

“Doesn’t bother me,” Eskel shrugged. 

Lambert and Aiden, mainly Lambert, were getting fed up with Geralt and Jaskier cuddling and cooing and doing general new couple bullshit. Especially since they’d been together three years now. They were recording a collaboration song, meaning everyone had to be there, but it seemed the two vocalists only really cared about each other. Jaskier sat on Geralt’s lap, played with his hair, stole kisses whenever he could… at one point Lambert caught Geralt tracing Jaskier’s lips and forced a coughing fit to get his attention. He probably thought it was subtle, even if no one else did. So to take a break and get some of what he called ‘patience juice’ (coffee), Lambert ran to their favorite coffee shop while Eskel laid down his bass line. 

It’s not that they were intentionally this annoying, not all the time at least. After the car crash, especially once Geralt started doing well in his physical therapy, the couple just couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Not to say that was the only relationship Geralt was suddenly extra involved in, it was just the most noticeable. 

Finally, after tea and coffee was distributed to everyone it was time for Geralt and Jaskier to, well, do their jobs. Jaskier was fidgeting and humming little scales, doing anything to calm the sudden nerves he felt bubbling up in his stomach. 

“You alright?” Geralt purred, nudging him with his elbow as they stood side by side at their respective microphones. When Jaskier only shrugged he continued, “What's wrong?” 

“I’m just not used to so many people being here while I…” Jaskier motioned to the mic before glancing around him and taking a deep breath, “it’s a vulnerable song…” 

Geralt’s worry lines in his forehead melted as he pulled Jaskier into his arms, “I can kick them out if you want?” he whispered. 

Shaking his head and inhaling Geralt’s scent deeply, something Jaskier had learned not to take for granted, he steeled his nerves, “I’ll be fine. Maybe a little weepy, but fine.”

As they were about to start, listening to the instrumental track and humming their parts of the song, Lambert brought Jaskier a bottle of water and set it on his music stand. He gave him a quick side hug and kissed his hair, offering a small “sorry” for all his teasing. Jaskier just giggled in response, the kind that only bubbles over from too much anticipation. He missed it, but Geralt mouthed a small ‘thank you’ to Lambert as he sat back down on the other side of the glass. 

Jaskier hooked his pinky around Geralt’s as the guitar intro started, needing that little bit of contact for the first line. When they’d written it it felt perfect. The audience knew exactly what kind of song they were about  to hear and Geralt really hadn’t known if he would pull through. It took Jaskier right back to the dimly lit hospital room where he scrawled and scratched out lyrics to keep Geralt distracted from his upcoming surgery. The fear, the desperation, the little pockets of joy when they forgot where they were, the overwhelming love that Jaskier thought he’d never be able to fully give to Geralt all crept back up his throat as he took a breath for that stupid fucking first line. 

His voice cracked partway through as he sang, making him fully grip Geralt’s hand, “I’m writing this in case I’m gone tomorrow,” By some miracle, he found his support for the next line, “I’m writing this in case I’ve moved along,”

For a moment he thought he’d gotten over the worst of it. A couple lines passed in relative ease, emotional but not so much it interfered with his craft. If he focused on looking at his microphone and keeping his breath supported he might make it through. Then Geralt joined him for the chorus. 

“When the lights go down, Know that I am never far away. When the sun burns out, I’ll be waiting on the brighter side of grey.” 

His harmony faltered and he involuntarily heaved a broken gasp in the middle of a line, desperately trying to focus on the mic that was now warped by the tears in his eyes. 

Geralt broke off after the first word of his verse, turning to Jaskier and pulling him in again, “You alright, love?”

“I’m fine. I’m sorry,” Jaskier groaned in embarrassment as he clung to Geralt’s frame, “I’m being a baby. I wasn’t even the one hurt.” 

“No you’re not,” Geralt argued, running his knuckles over Jaskier’s cheeks to wipe away his tears, “Here,” he moved their mics and stands close enough that they were shoulder to shoulder and their fingers could comfortably lace together. 

Jaskier squeezed his hand gently and gave him a brave smile, “From the top?” 

“From the top.”

This time Jaskier tried watching Geralt as they sang. He made it through the first chorus and got to just watch as Geralt sang his verse. The pang of emotion in his chest was still ever present, but it was manageable. Until he noticed Geralt having trouble. 

On “All you get to keep is what you’ve shared,” Geralt squeezed his eyes closed and his grip on Jaskier’s hand tightened. The folk singer prepared, relaxed, readied himself to take a breath in. He was expecting that one to hurt after how much Geralt insisted upon it. How he threatened to get out of that hospital bed and scribble the line himself if Jaskier didn’t put it in. He wasn’t expecting the last line of the stanza to hurt. It had been comforting to the both of them at the time.

Geralt’s lip quivered and his voice was almost pinched as he sang out, “Remember no one ever really dies.”

Even being the one to write the melody, Jaskier missed the first three notes of the chorus, “Fuck. Shit. I’m so sorry.”

“No, that was on me,” Geralt sniffed and chuckled, “I knew you’d lose it if I did.”

“How do you do this?!” Jaskier exclaimed, chugging half the water bottle to keep the breakdown at bay. 

Aiden’s voice came over their headphones, “Half our songs are his trauma and another quarter are group trauma. He’s got practice sweetheart.”

They tried a couple more times, even got through the whole song once with only minimal tears and one tasteful cracked note. But it was still a struggle for Jaskier to keep it together, and the more they sang, the more Geralt lost his iron grip on his composure. 

“Look at me,” Jaskier instructed, moving Geralt to face him and adjusting their mics so they could sing to each other, “Just like when we wrote it. Except a little less pain.” 

The joke earned a snort out of Geralt, exactly what Jaskier was aiming for, “This is supposed to be easier?”

“We can try?”

Jaskier did wonderfully for his verse, singing to Geralt was familiar and safe, even if the subject matter was terrifying. The chorus went well, but as soon as Geralt started to sing, Jaskier couldn’t exhale and it was all he could do not to sniff and ruin the take. 

“If you’re hearing this I know you’re probly scared,” had tears falling down his cheeks again and Geralt’s voice cracked as his eyes welled up, “Nope,” he choked, “that’s worse. Much worse.”

“Fuck,” Jaskier gave a watery giggle as he wrapped his arms around Geralt’s middle, “Why did we decide to do this again?”

Geralt pressed a kiss to Jaskier’s hair, sniffling and holding him tight, “I think we’re sadists.”

“Back to back,” Eskel’s voice crackled in their ears, “Try it back to back.” 

Leaning back to watch Jaskier’s reaction, Geralt hummed, “Do you want to? Or do you need a break?”

“Fuck it,” Jaskier shrugged, spinning Geralt around and following suit as he moved his equipment. 

As they stood waiting for the tech to start the audio, Jaskier felt like he could really inhale for the first time all day. Geralt was there, he could feel his ribs expand against his back and his fingers tapping like a metronome on Jaskier’s palms. This is what they were missing when they wrote the damn song. The comfort of knowing someone is always at your back, that they’ll be there when it’s hard and even when you’re separated. 

A warmth spread through Jaskier as the intro started and he felt ready. He still pressed back into Geralt on the harder lines, reminding himself he was still there, but they both made it through two full takes. 

On the final one, as the recording of the softly picked guitar faded out, Jaskier couldn’t help but repeat two more lines, “When the lights go down, Know that I am never far away.”

His voice hung in the air for a beat, the sense of finality reverberating through the studio and bringing everything else to a stand still. 

Geralt was the first to breathe, “Shit, we made it.”

“We fuckin made it,” Jaskier huffed, emotionally drained but immensely satisfied as he turned to hug Geralt from behind and press his cheek to his spine, “I love you.”

“I love you too. Let’s get a snack?”

“Yeah.”

When the sound tech played the potential mix for the first time, he tacked on an echoing, distant sounding recording of their conversation. Everyone looked at each other and nodded, goosebumps on their arms and that feral sparkle in their eyes that every artist gets when they’ve stumbled on something really exciting. They re-recorded some guitar and drums, but they kept the vocals exactly the same. 

For the album art they wrote “I love you” on the tattered hospital stationary that had the lyrics and chords written on it and took a picture. Jaskier had the original framed and hung in their house as a little reminder. 

[kanene-yaaay]

Go to Sleep

Kanene’s note: Gosh, having a schedule is weird. I just wanna post everything I already wrote and ramble non stop about it asdfgtyujkigfdo. XD

Well, this was suppose to be a drabble, but it’s very long so sdftyujikgfred. I hope you like it!

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* This characters don’t belongs to me! They all belong to Thomas Sanders from the serie Sanders Sides.

* This is a SFW tickle fanfic. If you don’t appreciate this kind of content, please, look for another blog. There are a plenty of fabulous arts in this site!! ^w^)b

* This is Lee!Virgil with Ler!Roman. Around 1.500 words.

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any and every advice is very very welcome! \(-w-)/

* Listen a bit to the birds today. Changing the way you think is not a bad thing. Drink water, sleep, eat and love!

[~*~]

Roman growled, missing by a few inches the button of his thunderous, infuriating alarm before finally hitting it. Staring and blinking lazily at the numbers his brain struggled to discern and recognize, only to confirm it was really time to wake up and start the day. He grabbed his pillow and squeezed it with all the strength he could muster, rolling from one side to other on the mattress, trying to wake up his body as quick as his mind and almost falling from the bed a reasonable number of times during the process.

 He got up, yawing, stretching and humming as the first lyrics of the day stuck on his head, hand rubbing at his eyes as he followed the kitchen’s direction with slow steps and tired sways on the beat of the song.

 Two dark, wide eyes stared right back at him, their owner completely frozen on the spot with his hand inside the cabinet, probably already holding some sort of a snack. Roman also stopped mid-step, gears running inside his mind, gaze locked on the other, his brow progressively furrowing.

“Virgil,” he began, voice slightly hoarse “What the heckty heck are you doing up? It’s barely seven in the morning!” Virgil only stared back, slowly closing the cabinet’s door, as if afraid the movement would startle the other. Roman proceeded to get some eggs and other cold ingredients from the refrigerator for the breakfast, his words growing more awake and vivid as they spilled with no filter or whatsoever from his lips. “You got an early shift again or something? Those are absolutely hellish. A bunch of people exhausted, tired and glaring at you as if you are the holder of all their problems and their solutions can only be achieved by being insufferable pieces of- Urg. I can’t believe they would give you one right after you got the night one. Damn, I didn’t even see you arriving here yesterday!”

 He turned his attention back at the other, looking for a kind of frustration in the place of the still startled, wide gaze which continued to be directed at him. Virgil nodded slowly, stepping away and putting some physical distance between him and the confusion on Roman’s features.

 Then, between the strings of sleepiness that clouded his brain, it clicked.

 Suddenly more details on the other’s behavior started to become clearer: the way Virgil’s hair was messier than his usual ““style”” (Roman scoffed mentally, thinking that if he rolled his eyes any harder they would never come back to his normal place again), his wary, yes, but way too much slow movements, the way he seemed to be unable to stop blinking at every millisecond and, above it all, the final piece of the puzzle.

 Virgil wasn’t wearing his pajamas.

 “YOU DIDN’T!” Roman gasped, as if Virgil’s life choices were a personal attack. “YOU DIDN’T GET ANY SLEEP LAST NIGHT!!” A turn of heels and he was again fixating his glare on the other, his free hand accusingly pointing in his direction, receiving an annoyed hiss as immediate answer.

 “Shut up!” Virgil snarled, practically growling back at him. “It’s fucking seven am don’t be so freaking loud.”

 “Don’t change the subject! Why didn’t you go to sleep?”

 The one being questioned just snorted, half amused. “Bold of you to assume I’d ever sleep in my whole life.”

 “That is it.” Virgil didn’t even have the time to wonder the meaning of his friend’s sentence before the aforementioned picked him up, resulting to a not very contained shriek escaping from his lips and his hands not much gracefully – or gently, although since they were keen on just jumping on each other out of nowhere to play fight Princey would be fine - meeting his friend’s face.

 “Roman! What the he-”

 “Did you just SLAP me? My beautiful face?! Before my own beautiful eyes??” Virgil Storm always got, even if he would never admit this out loud, surprised with Roman’s capacity of doing a series of offended incoherent noises which evolved to words before being carefully metamorphosed in weird noises all over again, and in the end still managing to form comprehensible sentences. His surprise did nothing to quell the grumpy snark immediately flying from lips, though.

 “And I’m going to do it again if you don’t let me go in this exact instant.”

 “You go and try to help and that is the acknowledgement you get,” The one wearing pajamas with little crows printed on it huffed, mumbling in a lower tone as he noticed the sharp gaze being thrown in his direction. “fucking unbelievable.”

 “I still can hear you, Princey. You’re literally carrying me.”

 “I sTiLL cAn HeAr yOu-OW! Ow! Ow!” The sentence was interrupted when the sleep deprived one punched Roman’s shoulder. “You’re insufferable, you know that?”

 “Let me fucking gAAH!” In a way his wish was granted, one could say as they watched his protest being cut as Storm was impolitely tossed on his bed, Roman quickly following his friend on the mattress, arms hugging him from behind, and physically preventing him from escaping his current soft predicament. “Prince, you’re dead.”

 “Shhh, no talking. We’re sleeping.”

 “We are not. You are being a pain in ass and I am about to defenestrate you.” Despite his fervent protests, his sharp, flaming glare began to lose its heat, his body not doing any actual effort to free himself from the other’s – strong, good - grip, muscles starting to relax against the great warmth involving him in a comfortable and secure blanket.

 “Sure, sure, mister Grumpy Pants, you can do that when you wake up.” He tightened a bit his hold around Virgil, yet being the most careful as possible, actively ignoring the annoyed hiss his friend gave him. His hoodie was really fluffy at the touch, slightly remembering his stuffed animals he frequently hugged to sleep.

 For a moment, everything was pleasantly quiet. The one with smudged makeup, since he hadn’t time to get it off before being trapped by his roommate and best friend, felt the tiredness becoming sleepiness as the seconds went by.

 …That was until an electric sensation shot across his spine, leading him to almost jump in the same place 

 “S-stop nuzzling me!”

 “Hm? Oh sorry.” Virgil pressed his lips tightly closed, preventing the wobbly giggles to escape as Roman speaks, not realizing how close his mouth was from the base of his neck, every breath sending tickly shocks across every nerve. “You’re just too much sooooft.”

 Roman opened an eye when realized that no snark remark from the other followed his words, the figure in his arms shaking too much to be asleep. A frown painted his feature as he readjusted the position of his hands, trying to get a bit more of balance to look at Virgil’s face when suddenly a high-pitched yelp escaped, cutting the air and immediately catching their attention.

 “Did you just squeal?” He questioned as his glare assumed a playful shine seeing a blush spread on his now frozen friend.

 “It was NOT a squeal! It was a yelp.” Virgil’s words came so fast that they almost tripped on themselves. Roman snorted, a smile taking over his face. “Get off me!” and, in the moment the one wearing a hoodie tried to pry his hand from the spot on his right side where it was resting, the pieces finally clicked in the right place and his smile quickly submerged, giving space to a smirk.

 ‘No WAY Doctor Doom and Gloom is ticklish!’

 However, the red lover only blinked as the true personification of innocence and naiveness, his hand firm in its place, fingers starting to slowly move, light pokes being delivered on the sensitive skin. “But why that, Knight Mare? It’s cold and all I could ever want is just to hug my bestest friend!”

 “You already hugged me, now go aWAY!” His voice trembled in the last second, the exact moment his thumb experimentally scratched the spot right under the lowest ribs, leading a surprised squeak to leave Virgil’s mouth.

 They both stared at each other, gleaming, filling their wide eyes.

 “No.” Virgil said, trying to squirm away but finding himself stuck between Prince and the wall. Roman didn’t even attempt to hide his smug grin, anymore. This was going to be so much fun

 “Don’t you dare! Don’t you freaking dare!!” His friend only laid down again, now carefully, yet firmly, pulling him one more time against his chest, growling playfully. Years and years fighting for the Tickle Monster title on his family, battles and battles against Remus only sharpening his skills, which showed by the way his fingers seemed to find every single weak spot on Virgil’s skin, wiggles, scribbles, pokes and scratching exploring everywhere. “No! Nononono! You fucker, you moron, you bitch, you-” A few chuckles cut his curses as he one wearing pajamas squeezed his side a couple of times, the tip of his fingers also teasing his ticklish stomach. “Roman!!”

 “No, no, my so dear, so ticklish, friend. Roman is no longer here, this is…” He paused for a dramatic effect, basically beaming at the giggly giggles and wiggly wiggles from the other. He shoved his face on his neck, the next words vibrating almost as bad as the spidering on his ribs. “The Tickle Monster!!”

[chocosvt]

⚬ pairing: soonyoung x fem!reader ⚬ word count: 6503 ⚬ warnings: degradation, drinking ⚬ genres: this is just smut. filthy smut. featuring a lot of dirty talk from soonyoung and a hint of a secret au!

 ✧✎ synopsis: the tension between you and a mystifying stranger at the club only thickens each time you meet. he seems like a risk you’re willing to take.

✧✎ a/n: GOD. i have not written straight up smut in two years! i mean, there is a little bit of a background plot, i hope it’s all enjoyable hehe. also, the “secret au” is pretty easy to guess lol, but i suppose it could be a couple of things!

The first time you see him, you’re surrounded by your friends, packaged into a small space that grants you just enough room to sway your body and bring a pink-coloured drink to your lips. He’s across the room, leaning back on a white sofa. Impassively, he overlooks the crowd, until his entourage returns from the shadows to occupy the hard cushions. One of them leans into his ear and whispers something. You force yourself to swallow more of the sweet syrup from your glass, wondering what was said that makes him smirk.

A hand touches your bare shoulder, to which you turn around and grin rather intoxicatedly at your friend. She’s equally inebriated, and as the music reverberates toward the centre of the floor, you wrap an arm around her waist to pull her in close and move with the beat. You take another sip from the glass before hoisting it high in the air, hips undulating, feeling the heat and the dizziness and her hot breath hitting your ear as she mouths along to the lyrics.

Eventually, you two part, and your turn yourself back around almost immediately. As much as you want to believe it’s not because of the stranger, that seems to be the only plausible explanation, and it only burns that much deeper when you realize he’s staring at you. One arm stretches around the back of the sofa, his other hand loosely holding an amber shot glass at his knee. For a moment you stop moving to return his gaze. The stranger isn’t coy. He evidently scans your body, starting at your laced stilettos, venturing up the black fabric hugging your waist, and landing at the haze in your eyes.

You feel warm, but it’s not the muggy air, the crowded club, or even the violet lights.

However, you’re soon met with the repercussions of the dance floor as an unfamiliar body slams into yours, jostling you forward. You grimace as alcohol sloshes over your glass, prompting you to quickly escape toward a less populated pocket of space. The stranger’s glance follows you, yet his mood has shifted. Instead, he chuckles and shakes his head while bringing the shot glass to his lips, downing the golden liquid in a short swig. Your heart thunders upon watching him gently elbow his friend, where he utters something into his ear that preludes their amused, somewhat snide expressions.

It’s downright embarrassing. You can only deduce they’re enjoying your accident with the drink, even when the same predicament had probably just happened to someone else at the opposite end of the room. The stranger’s gaze seems to be searching out a different body, though you aren’t certain, rather you weave your way through the tables to find the washroom and rinse the alcohol from your hand. Admittedly, you feel disappointed to lose the stranger’s attraction. You can’t remember the last time you experienced a successful hook-up where you weren’t exaggerating your lacklustre pleasure.

Your hopes had simply been too high.

The second time you see him, you’re sucking restlessly at a straw, completely emptying the glass until there’s nothing but crushed ice cubes watering down the last few drops of alcohol. Looking up from the table, you spot him buried in the wave of sluggish bodies, the violet light tingeing his partially unbuttoned dress shirt and his black hair. But it rapidly dawns that he’s not dancing alone, for a girl twirls into his arms, pressing her backside to his front, rubbing herself against him while his hands explore her torso. The light hits a new angle on his throat, illuminating the trail of hickies.

It cuts through you, for the envy is like a blade generously sharpened. Even though you will yourself to look away, it becomes an impossible task, to which you trace their every movement without missing a heartbeat. His hand, clad in a myriad of silver rings, engulfs her breast and squeezes. Her head tilts back onto his shoulder, gasping something that seems to be full of euphoria. His eyes flicker quickly, and as though you’re a rabbit that’s to be nicked by an arrow, you’re caught directly in the crosshairs. You wish there had been more alcohol lining your glass so you could’ve turned further numb.

Enveloped in the stranger’s trance, you watch his hand slide around the column of her neck, how his gaze never falters even when he licks a stripe up her skin and nips at her ear. Folding one leg over the other, you attempt to snuff the venereal warmth that flutters at your abdomen, hating that you’re imaging what each sensation would feel like if you were against his body rather than her. His eyes are black, poisonous, and yet you contain so little care that he might be a menace, not when he grinds his hips against the dip of her spine while she hides her face in his neck, already suckling another bruise.

You have no idea what she’s feeling, or why he can’t take his eyes off you. It’s a bit unabashed and perhaps from a place of unsatiated neediness, but you’d really love for him to fuck you.

Maybe your third encounter will be the charm.

“Drink or dare?”

“Dare.”

For the past two rounds, you had purely subjected your body to the potent taste of sour, cold lime and gin mixed with tonic. Not desiring to ram your consciousness further into the ground, you finally chose dare, which uproots some whistles and snickers from around the table. Your friend bites her lip, straining her neck while her eyes cherry pick through the club-goers. Despite the alcohol exchanging your blood for liquid fire, there’s a nervousness in your tummy, and you can’t help fiddling with the hem of your black dress upon waiting for her sinister verdict.

“Alright,” she says, almost yelling over the thunderous bass, “I dare you to ask that guy what his biggest secret is!”

You follow her pointed finger, and your heart seems to immediately shrivel. He’s standing by the white sofa, invested in a conversation with another man who’s holding a martini glass, filled with a drink that’s an electric shade of blue. He offers the drink toward him, but the stranger denies, aggressively pushing away the glass. You sense a scuffle is going to break out between the two men, until someone else who always seems to accompany the stranger steps in, diminishing the conflict.

“Well?” She calls out to you, quirking an eyebrow. “You going or not?”

“I’m going!”

You slide off the stool and pull down your dress. As you shift your way through the crowd, you attempt to rally some confidence, rehearsing the different approaches you could take upon introducing yourself. Yet, there’s a gigantic roadblock. How are you going to persuade him to reveal his biggest secret? From what you already gleaned, he appears unforthcoming, but awfully magnetic.

By the time you’re tapping his shoulder, your confidence disintegrates like a dried flower petal and every nonchalant line you practiced in a spasm floats out your head.

His eyes are much darker in proximity, the colour of sable, and he smells like a royal cologne you can’t afford. He waits for you to speak first, almost as though he knows how nervous you are, wanting to revel in the trembling notes of your voice.

“I-I’m supposed— I’m, uh… How are you?” It’s painful, but you manage to choke it out.

With his hands casually buried in his pockets, his shoulders relaxed, he shrugs.

“I’m fine, honey. And yourself?”

Your blood surges, for you can feel it dragging through your veins, and a heat unlike any other draws a glimmering film to your palms. Due to the pounding music, you both have to raise your voices.

“I’m –uh– good? Yeah, I’m good!” Somehow, your lexicon could exist on the point of a needle.

The stranger chuckles. He’s enjoying your flustered nature far too much.

Quickly, you spiel out another question: “what’s your name?”

However, he doesn’t catch it. Instead, he taps his ear and leans in.

“What’s your name?” Your entire chest beats wildly upon repeating the question. The black fibres of his hair smell like passionfruit, but there’s a distant scent, and you think it’s charcoal.

He pulls back and smiles. “Soonyoung.” His name simmers in the thick air for a moment.

Your skin intensely prickles as his gaze then traces the length of your body, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip, plump and pink as he asks, “what about you?”

Soonyoung lowers his head again, to which your lips nearly touch his ear upon replying with your name. Once more, he smiles contentedly, while you believe that the scent in his hair has to be charcoal, or maybe even gunpowder. You think about the man with the electric blue drink, how he must’ve sunk into the shadows after Soonyoung’s friend intervened. The dare is still in the back of your mind, even when you inquire on a different topic.

“Why do you look at me all the time?”

There’s something about the darkness in his eyes that keeps you allured, even when you sense it’s better to reject the dare all together and brace through another gulp of gin and tonic.

“Hm. That’s not what you came here to say now is it, honey?”

His response unsteadies you. As Soonyoung counters your question with another question, a small curl develops at the corners of his mouth, as though he knows something you don’t. From his backside, another companion of his abruptly slides by, his hand settling on Soonyoung’s shoulder while he whispers into his ear. The man disappears immediately afterward, like he was nothing but mist.

The strangeness of it all leads you to fumble.

“Well… I-I was dared to come over here. I have to ask what your biggest secret is…”

It’s rather embarrassing to admit. You’d shoot a glare toward your friends if you weren’t so enraptured by Soonyoung’s unfaltering eyes.

“My biggest secret?” He drags a hand slowly through his hair while he bites his lip, thinking. You presume the gold watch on his wrist must cost more than your rent.

“I think I have a good one.” The manner in which Soonyoung’s tone had deepened piques your curiosity, though his soft smirk suggests you should consider if you truly want to know the answer.

Not willing to capitulate when you’ve succeeded this far, you dare grin at him, ensuring that you’re heard overtop the club music when you invite, “tell me.”

The sweltering of the amethyst lights and the concentrated gin coursing beneath your flesh does nothing to mitigate how hot you feel. When Soonyoung steps in close, his cologne seems to envelope you in an unbreakable spell, and your fingernails dig into the flexible, tight fabric of your dress when his lips brush your ear’s cusp. His voice laps like velvet at your very core.

“I think about fucking you, calling you my pretty little slut as I shove your face in my pillow and put my cock so deep inside you that you’re screaming. Every time I have a girl in my bed, I imagine it’s you, begging me to give it to you harder, begging me for my cum, and I make you take it all, just so I can watch how it drips out of you, honey. ”

Then, Soonyoung is leaning away with an expression that’s wholly complacent, meanwhile your universe is splitting itself apart beneath the flame of his words, a sensation much too slick now dampening the lace between your thighs. You can’t help but wet your dry lips.

“Is that a big enough secret for you, huh?” He purrs, a purple glint flashing in his eyes.

Nothing pieces together in your head. There is not one sentence bothering to make itself apparent, let alone any margin of thought that was relatively pure. Engulfed in the midst of unintelligible music and sanity that endlessly dwindles, you decide the only sensible reply is to kiss Soonyoung. This is just an opportunity you can’t lose. Pressing your chest to his, one hand gripping his shoulder, you at long last acquaint yourself with his candied taste and the softness of his pink mouth.

Soonyoung grins upon the pressure, the gin and tonic that coats your unhesitant tongue, how you mewl so helplessly when he digs his fingers into your hips like they were meant to be imprinted with bruises. Winding your arms around the boy’s neck, you fall into him in complete vulnerability, pull him down closer while he licks into your mouth.

“Fuck,” he chuckles breathily, his hands venturing lower to squeeze your ass, “bet you’d let me bend you right over on this couch, wouldn’t you, honey?”

Sliding your fingers through the feathery, black hair at his nape, you push your lips to his once more, nipping at his bottom lip that shimmers with your own saliva. Honestly, Soonyoung isn’t far from the truth. The last time you experienced such a sharp, needy pang at the apex of your thighs is thrust back too far in your memory. His hands reach down over your ass to the dress’ hem, where he hikes up the tight material slightly, his fingertips suddenly stroking you through your underwear.

“Please, Soonyoung,” his name feels so right as it escapes your throat, “I need you.”

“Yeah?” His firm grip plants back on your hips, and he catches your stare, deep and lustful. “You’d let me take you home, baby? Are you sure you want this?”

Immediately, you nod your head, arms fastening around his neck. “You can take me anywhere.”

Maybe it’s selfish, but you don’t once consider your friends crowded at the table across the club, nor would you care if they witnessed Soonyoung’s hand slipping beneath your dress to brush your clothed folds, not when a sensation felt that appeasing. He smirks, then briefly turns around, tapping a member of his entourage on the shoulder to exchange another whisper. The only thing you register is your burning excitement when Soonyoung tilts his head in the direction of the backdoor exit.

“C’mon,” he takes your hand, “my place isn’t a far walk.”

Soonyoung seems to live in the esteemed, Grand Plaza that’s no further than a street down from the club. It’s surrounded by the flashy nightlife, and as he pulls you into the foyer, completely marbled and elegant, you infer that he must be paying bigtime in order to maintain an apartment amidst the city’s pumping heart. The second you reach the elevator, he’s already pinned you against the cold metal, his kisses full of aggression and clever tongue that you pathetically whine for.

His palm sneaks up your dress, cupping at your pussy aching for any degree of attention. You grind into his hand and Soonyoung delights at your arousal. In fact, as the elevator nears the appropriate floor, a desire to touch every crevice of your body consumes him. Before you can take in another breath, the sweet pressure deserts your core, his fingers now pulling aside the plunging v of your dress so that he can free your breast, to which he immediately licks and suckles over the soft skin. A small ding resonates from the elevator, though he spends an extra moment lapping at your nipple.

You step away to avoid an embarrassing blunder with the doors and hastily readjust your dress. Once Soonyoung confirms that the corridor is clear, it’s a blitz to his room, his key card shoved carelessly into the slot before he’s dragging you inside. The sight of his apartment admittedly stuns you, particularly the tall, slender windowpanes that reach directly to the floor, the high arch of the ceiling and the diamond chandelier hanging like a celestial object.

Soonyoung touches your waist, pushing your spine to his door. His fingers then graze underneath your dress to the inside of your thigh, where he merely snaps your lace panties against the skin.

“You’re going to be my good little slut for the night, aren’t you?” He asks, his tone dripping much like syrup. You nod without question, and his other hand rests next to your head while he murmurs huskily into your ear, “take your underwear off for me, sweetheart.”

The fabric slides down your legs and drops at your ankles, which you manage to kick away, though you don’t miss the embarrassingly large wet patch that stains the lace. It only amplifies this desperation that’s been blooming inside you, and as Soonyoung slowly drops to his knees, a shaft of moonlight falling across the complete blackness in his eyes, you can’t help the shudder that strings so icily down your back. He begins tucking up the dress until it sits nice and snug over your hips.

Something about the way he gazes at your heat crushes every bit of breath from your lungs. Without warning, Soonyoung nestles his face between your thighs and delivers a long, hard lick, his eyes fluttering open to gauge your contorted expression as his tongue drags against your nerves.

He smirks wolfishly. “You’re so gorgeous, baby. Does your pussy always get this soaked?”

You struggle to articulate when Soonyoung places another lethargic lick with the flat of his tongue, a scoff half-rumbling in his chest while he massages your clit using the slick muscle. Somehow, you find the words, though they sound strangely distant as they echo outside your haze of pleasure.

“N-No, only when I-I think about you.”

Soonyoung’s guttural laugh strikes your core, and with a swift movement, he manages your leg over the back of his shoulder, improving his access to your plentiful wetness. A sharp inhale rushes between your teeth upon the boy sliding his index finger past your slit, until the thick silver ring dissuades him from pushing the digit in any further. He curls it, rubs against your silk to make you moan. Your fingers scratch into the door, not yet sure if you should be rifling them through his locks.

“Yeah? You think about me, baby?” It almost seems like a taunt. “Entertain me then.”

Just as you open your mouth, Soonyoung deviously slips in another finger past your opening, trails of gloss seeping down his hand as he stretches your pulsating warmth.

“I-I imagine this,” even with the boy on his knees and his fingers ticking your sweet spot, it’s still difficult to admit such filth, “I imagine you e-eating me out, n’making me cum.”

“It feels good, doesn’t it?” He purrs knowingly against your clit, his lips kissing the sensitive bud. “Such a good girl, letting me taste this pretty pussy.”

You hum in agreement, eyes falling shut to bask in the overwhelming sensations and how expertly Soonyoung reads on your slightest twitch or exhale, pinpointing the areas that prominently break you down and render you incoherent. Every so often you feel the cold silver of his rings brush your heat as he continues pumping his fingers, to which Soonyoung notes that your leg always trembles against his shoulder. Smiling, he presses his fingers in further, the rings just touching your inner walls while he swirls his tongue at a slow, thorough pace against your clit, satisfying the ache.

Unable to process the insane pleasure, your spine arches from the door and your fingers latch into the boy’s strong, black roots. You pull up on his scalp, cursing vehemently.

“F-Fuck, Soonyoung! Soso good—nngh—don’t stop, please!”

You almost feel apologetic for his neighbours who must hear these unabashed shouts muffle through his walls each night, though you can’t be bothered to moderate your volume when Soonyoung abuses your g-spot with the deep, consistent massaging of his fingers. He attaches his mouth overtop your clit, his tongue lathering across the bud before he starts flicking it harshly. At that moment, nothing else surges through you but an unprecedented hedonism, and you stuff his face in further to your heat. With your head tossed back against the door, you almost fear how greatly this orgasm builds.

It feels like the pressure situated at your abdomen could burst you open like a water balloon, and the only manner in which you can express the pleasure is to wail helplessly. As Soonyoung’s touch sinks so deliciously against that heavenly spot, his tongue, unrelenting and passionate, working to abuse your swollen bud, your body discovers its incapability to hold out a moment longer. Instead, it crumbles, and with a piercing cry of Soonyoung’s name your arousal gushes onto the boy’s awaiting face.

But he doesn’t wither away or allow the room to stop spinning, rather he delivers a few more vigorous pumps with his fingers and licks over your throbbing bud, all while you feel some of the liquid drip down your inner thigh. Breathing feebly, you tug hard at his scalp in an attempt to make him remove his mouth, for your heat feels raw and swells with oversensitivity.

“Soonyoung, please,” your eyes heavily pull open, “i-it’s hurting too much.”

At last, his fingers retreat from your opening and his mouth allows the cool air to ghost over your flesh. It’s alarming to observe the droplets of your cum that glisten on his face, his lips, so flushed and shiny, yet the boy’s tongue only curls out to collect the arousal.

“Fuck, you’re amazing. Did you know you could squirt, sweetheart?” His smile is cunning. “Or has no one ever treated your pussy that well?”

“I’ve never done it before,” you laugh breathlessly, and your head hits the back of the door as you attempt to process what just happened, “I didn’t know something could feel that good.”

While your fingers brush back his hair, Soonyoung places soft pecks up your inner thigh until he reaches the enflamed skin of your core. He catches your infatuated gaze, ensuring you watch as the very tip of his tongue pushes in shallow past your opening before the muscle circles delicately around your clit. Your hips jerk against his face, to which the immediate reverberations in his chuckle vibrate past your folds. Attentively, Soonyoung kisses the sensitive bud, and then your stomach.

After removing your leg from his shoulder, he rises to his feet, the darkness still dancing in his eyes like a flickering shadow. He feels like a foreboding addiction, one that you can’t give up.

“You’re perhaps the best thing I’ve ever tasted.” He compliments, his hand sliding around to stroke the small of your back, his lips just brushing your ear’s shell. “Even better than I imagined.”

Despite the complete filth laced into his speech, his voice somehow contains a tender cadence when he pulls back slightly to murmur against your temple, “now that I know how you taste, I wanna know how you feel, honey. How tight that little pussy is when it’s squeezing around my cock.”

A lightheaded blur emerges from your high, now subsiding, less electric. At the mere thought of Soonyoung pounding you remorselessly into the pillows, your knees begin to wobble and that yearning ache rebuilds itself at your abdomen. To steady yourself, you grip his shoulder, though when you look down, you’re somewhat astounded at the pool of wetness gathered on his floorboards. If just his tongue and fingers could force you to gush, then you wonder how you’ll stay together on his cock.

The trip to his bedroom is all but graceful, rather it’s your legs wrapped snuggly around his waist while his palms splay and squeeze against your ass, your tongues consistently brushing together as you taste yourself from his plump mouth. You had been expecting Soonyoung to just toss you on his bed like an insignificant ragdoll, but to your gratitude, he lays you down gently, spends his next few minutes licking and suckling at your throat. To be marked by him ignites a small grin on your face.

“I want this off, sweetheart,” he demands, tugging at your dress, “do you need help?”

“Yes please. I-I think, with the zipper.” You grunt, reaching behind you to feel the ridges.

After shifting yourself around, Soonyoung stands at the end of the bed, one hand resting on your shoulder blade while the latter undoes the zipper and reveals your back. The little hairs bristle along your skin as you feel a compassionate kiss against the first bump in your spine. Upon helping you slide the fabric down to your waist, Soonyoung’s mouth continues to drift across your shoulder, his hands sliding up your ribs until each hand palms reverently at your breasts. His teeth then dig into a sensitive patch at your neck, giving more vibrance to the low groan that flutters past your lips.

He whispers silkily, “I can’t wait to be inside you, baby. Hm? My good little slut? So beautiful and needy? I can’t wait to fuck you ‘til you’re nice and full.”

Your dress lands somewhere at the base of the mattress, and once your heels are unbuckled, they thump against the floor next to it. Soonyoung guides you into the exact position he desires, which entails your chest flush with his grey bedsheets, cheek sinking against his pillow while your ass pokes into the air. Behind you, there’s the rustle of his clothes being removed, prompting you to wriggle your hips in anticipation and whine for his touch to continue grazing your skin.

His slides off his belt without any particular haste. Impatience prickles, and you moan for him.

“M’so wet, Soonyoung. Please, I need you to fuck me, c-can’t wait anymore.”

You spare a glance over your shoulder, examining his firm torso, the muscles smooth and lithe, how he begins shoving his pants down over his hips. It’s antagonizing.

“I know, honey,” he soothes, his black eyes glistening, “you’ve been so patient for me.”

At last, the mattress dips to suggest that Soonyoung is taking his place behind you, to which you can hear the lewd sound of his hand passing up and down his cock, leaking and painfully hard. Despite the sensitivity lingering from your last orgasm, your entire core still throbs in such overwhelming arousal, a sweltering urge to be stretched completely open. He leans over you, pecking your temple.

“Terrible timing,” Soonyoung laughs, his fingers circling below your navel, “but you are on the pill, right? I’d love a child one day, just not at this exact moment.”

“I am.” You smile, though you aren’t sure how entirely bad it would be to bear his child, and you can’t tell if it’s the gin and tonic finally bleeding through your rationality or the viscid lust.

“Perfect.” He hums, his hand gripping onto one side of your hip while he presses his engorged head into your slick. 

At an indulgent pace, Soonyoung drags himself through your slippery folds and rubs at your clit, a satisfied, low rumble emanating from his chest upon a sight so impure, especially as your gloss coats his length, sticky and wet. Your chest heaves largely at his teasing, engendering you to grind back against his body in a desperate hope to have him split you open.

It’s to your absolute pleasure that Soonyoung obliges. He begins pressing his cock in past your opening, your jaw falling slack until he’s digging in as far as he can fit, inducing the delicious stretch that ripples throughout your body. You breathe in raggedly and hiss his name between clenched teeth, fingers curling into the bedsheets once he’s grounded himself enough to start thrusting.

“O-Oh ffuck,” Soonyoung slurs, swallowing tautly, “you’re such a tight little bitch, hm? Just begging for me to ruin this pretty fucking pussy. I’ve waited so long for this, baby. You have no idea.”

He clutches your hips and slams you back onto his cock, grinding himself so deep inside you that the edges of your vision speckle with white dots. While it’s a bit tough for you to admit that your last sexual encounter had been months ago, it only seems to enhance how wonderful each sensation is now, how euphoric it is to feel his length rub against your inner heat and tick all those aching spots that your own fingers fail to prod. Soonyoung shifts onto his one knee, and suddenly he’s striking a newfound depth. You can’t help the loud squeal bursting from your mouth as he bruises your hips.

Suddenly, the boy is reaching for your arm. It’s pinned behind your back, his fingers latched around the wrist while his other hand threads against your scalp.

“That’s it, babygirl,” he growls upon shoving your cheek into the pillow, “scream for me, just like that. Let everyone know how much of a slut you are.”

With an unrelenting pace, he snaps into you, and the obscene noises of your heat sucking in his cock echo endlessly around the bedroom. At this point, you’re completely void of shame. As Soonyoung pounds into you, his hand ironclad around your wrist, your desire to cum warps into a critical essentiality. The tears stream hot and abundant down your face, muddling your makeup.

“H-Harder, Soonyoung! Please! Give it to me harder!”

“Yeah?” The sweat gleams on the column of his neck, black hair tousling before his eyes that shine mercilessly. “My pretty little slut wants it harder? You want me to fucking break you, baby?”

You don’t care if your body cracks in half like a ceramic. The way his cock is pressing consistently and roughly against that pliant, sensitive spot, it’s the only sensation you can feel. Even his fingers helping to smother your cheek against the pillow, damp with your tears and drool, is a sting rather infinitesimal compared to the pleasure. A cold breath expands in your lungs, and you take advantage of it to plead with Soonyoung, your voice falling apart at the seams while you beg to cum.

Unable to deny you, he takes it upon himself to fuck you so hard that the bedframe slaps into the wall. Soonyoung has already adapted to that spot which makes you weep, and he bites his lip harshly while abusing it with the head of cock. Your body immediately attempts to twist itself up as the ecstasy splatters like rain, though Soonyoung uses his grip on your arm and hair to keep you in position, instead forcing you to take the stimulation until you’re erratically clenching around him.

“Right there, honey? Does it feel good when my cock hits you right fuckin’ there? Huh?”

“Fuck, Soonyoung!” Your howl pierces the dense air, and he can tell you’re sobbing. “M’cumming!”

He tosses his head back as you convulse around him, the juices dripping down the back of your thighs while your world momentarily fades. You’re clamping against his cock with such warmth and silk that Soonyoung releases only a minute later, his seed thickly coating the inside of your heat, his length throbbing with every hot spurt. His guttural cursing subsides into laboured breaths. You feel his hands leave your wrist and hair, retreating to their favoured hold on your hips where he manages to deliver a few more thrusts, languid enough for him to watch his cum get pumped back inside you.

Spent in every single manner, you possess only a dying wisp of energy. You whimper and tremble at the vacancy when Soonyoung removes his cock, a feeling you never thought could be this horrible. Not soon after, his cum slowly pools from your opening, trailing down the inside of each thigh, to which he slightly stretches your ass in order to see just how much he’s emptied into you.

“I can’t believe you’re this beautiful,” he sounds mesmerized, “fuck, baby. Just look at you, so full of my cum. I’ve waited so fucking long to see you like this.”

Soonyoung then leans forward, pressing a kiss to the base of your spine.

“My good little girl. Perfect, aren’t you? Just for me?”

His soft chuckle is somehow a comforting sound, even when your body collapses against his sheets and there’s nothing you’re able to do but nod in agreement. You’re purely exhausted in the afterglow, too tired to even care that his cum is spilling out of you or that you’ve completely deserted your friends at the club. Soonyoung kisses a trail up your back and stops at your shining temple. You can’t tell if he ever joined you in bed or not, though he did stay with you for a few minutes afterward, rubbing your back, brushing his lips over shoulders, a beaming praise whispered every now and then.

You just know you fell asleep smiling.

By the fragile light of morning, you hear Soonyoung’s voice. It doesn’t seem as though he’s beside you or even sitting atop the bed, more like he’s standing somewhere distant. The dimness to the room helps your eyes adjust, and with a low groan you turn your back to the window, snuggling into one of the boy’s cold pillows. When you peek downward, you notice that a decent-sized blue blanket had been strewn across your waist, which you quickly pull further up your body to hide from the cool air. Through the fuzziness, you spot Soonyoung leaning against the doorframe to his washroom.

He’s partially dressed, wearing his black pants while a towel hangs around the back of his neck. The bathroom mirror is smudged with fog and slipping beads of vapour. It isn’t until you hear his quiet voice for the second time that you realize Soonyoung is speaking with someone over the phone. Your eyes fall shut as you attempt to concentrate on snippets of the conversation.

“Fine, we’ll meet at the abandoned hanger off Lake Avenue… Yeah… Just the handgun… Isn’t that too many though?... No, no, not the stash at East End… If he shows up then it’s fucked… That’s what I’m assuming… Okay, sure… Call me back after noon.”

Then, Soonyoung hangs up his phone and slides it with a sigh into his pants pocket. Your eyes open wide again, and you blink a few times to properly clear the sleepy, clinging remnants. Not wanting to overstay your welcome and become a potential hinderance, you slowly shuffle up in his bed, the blue blanket pooling around your hips.

“Did you sleep well?” Soonyoung inquires, tossing the towel from his neck onto the bed.

Pulling the blanket up to your chin, you nod at him. “Yeah, I did,” your voice has yet to lose its monotone rasp, “who were you talking with?”

“Just a friend.” He replies.

Soonyoung walks toward a desk placed across from the bed, picking up a white dress shirt that he slips into. He leaves the front unbuttoned, though he cuffs up the long, flimsy sleeves.

“Hey, do you think I could take a quick bath or something? I promise I won’t be long.”

As he continues to adjust the sleeves, he shrugs. “Yeah, you want me to start it?”

“It’s fine.” You decline politely.

Though the moment you swing your legs over the edge of the bed and prepare to stand, a doubtful inkling has you rethinking that choice. A resounding soreness thumps at your core, the marrow of your hips, yet you pretend that your muscles feel nothing like gelatine and attempt to take your first steps after such a rigorous night. Soonyoung watches in amusement, for your knees immediately begin wobbling while that deep-rooted ache has you buckling to the carpet.

When you look up, cheeks heated from embarrassment, Soonyoung is standing before you baring a fond smile.

“Are you sure you don’t need my help?” He inquires again, folding some black hair behind his ear.

“No,” you sigh, “I’m sorry. I need help, please?”

“All you have to do is ask, sweetheart.”

Soonyoung proceeds to bend down, tucking you carefully against his chest while your arms loop in a secure fashion around his neck. Feeling like a moonstruck bride whose being carried off to her honeymoon, you can’t evade the tiny smile that flits from each corner of your mouth, and it sticks coyly, even when Soonyoung sets you down on the closed toilet in order to run the bath water. You realize you’re going to need your dress, heels, the lace underwear that’d been deserted by his doorway.

Swallowing nervously, you watch as warm water fills the tub.

“I’m sorry to keep bothering you, but do you think you could grab my clothes? A-And I might need to use your phone, since I never took my purse with me last night. My friends are probably worried.”

He stands from the porcelain edge, a laugh rumbling in his chest, “why are you so apologetic?”

“I don’t know,” you quickly shrink into yourself when Soonyoung’s gaze falls over you, hardly as poisonousness compared to the night before, “I don’t want to be an inconvenience if you’re busy, and you just seem like a busy person.”

“And I also fucked you so hard that you can’t even walk.” He reasons lightheartedly, keeping an eye on the bathtub, “I don’t mind, honey. I’ll get your clothes, okay? I’ll take care of you.”

At least if he’s a poison, it’s a sweet one.

“Don’t worry about your friends either,” Soonyoung comments, at last shutting off the faucet while thin steam curls into the air, “One of my guys told them you’d be safe. They know where you are.”

“Really? Thanks.”

He baffles you; he feels mysterious yet personable. You want to ask him what he does for a living, especially upon recounting his earlier phone call, though you dismiss the question when Soonyoung helps you slide into the tub. The hot water works magnificently to relieve the soreness from your muscles, and though it’s a bit uncomfortable to squeeze back into that tight, black dress and the expensive heels, at least you’re able to walk (as long as you keep a hand flush against the wall).

Thankfully, Soonyoung helps you toward the front door of his apartment. A one-night stand has never felt so painful to leave behind, and you’re overwhelmed with poignancy as you wonder why you had never approached him sooner. He announces that there’s a driver stationed out front the Plaza, in a jet-black car you don’t catch the name of, and that you only have to lend him your address.

“He’ll take you home.” Soonyoung assures you.

Already, you find it astonishingly natural to trust him, engendering your hesitance as you stand in the corridor wishing you could somehow stay.

“What if I want to see you again?” You pipe up, catching his gaze.

Your heart is racing, and warmth dapples each arch of your cheek.

Soonyoung steps forward, cupping your face in his palms, his soft mouth pressing to yours while a fragrant, winter mint cuts sharp to your senses.

“You know where to find me, sweetheart.” He responds casually, and smiles as though he knows you’ll come back to him. “See you around.”

✧✎ a/n: i am handing out water bottles down here guys, it’s okay i got you covered! after not writing serious smut for so long, it just FELT SO? BIZARRE? TO TAMPER WITH IT AGAIN. like i remember the times when i could write smut with a straight face and you’d think i was typing my will or something. anywho. I REALLY HOPE IT SATISFIED SOME OF U!! and WHAT DO U THINK THE SECRET AU IS HEHEHEH

[angelsndragons]

Okay, since I see a lot of people either straight up panicking or saying that Caduceus’ playlist is straight up depressing (neither reaction I get)....I’m gonna offer a different reading of the songs here, how does that sound?

Death Bed Salesman - This is straight up about Caduceus’ family and his upbringing. His father even says some of the lyrics almost word for word in ep 96. Growing up surrounded by death and all the rituals created for the living left behind made Caduceus into the person he is. ‘This is how it has to end/So love somebody while you can’ like talk about a thesis statement for Caduceus’ outlook.

How are You Doing - Wow this song is pulling double duty. Caduceus is not a character who likes burdening other people with his own problems, preferring to keep a calm, polite distance between others and his feelings. The style of this song harkens over to Jester, it’s very bubbly and sweet sounding. Of course, this is also one of Jester’s primary issues (someone please tell the clerics they can be people with problems too). Now, if you do what I did and go watch the music video for this song, two things will stick out. One is the increasing ridiculous scenarios the singers find themselves in while going about their day to day lives juxtaposed against their ‘nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine’ lyrics. Two is the fact that these singers come out at the end of the song together, they have triumphed over the madness and nothing stopped them from doing what they wanted and needed to do. This song encapsulates early Caduceus, while he was getting a feel for the Nein and being drowned every other second, ultimately his contributions to the Pirate Arc were fundamental to the group’s success. 

Vegetables - Honestly, this song just reminds me of that early conversation with Fjord in the Sour Nest. Caduceus is cooking omelets and just casually asks Fjord if he could look for veggies down in the torture chamber since it would ‘make a good root cellar.’ Fjord is so caught off guard by this request, and understandably so, he just repeats ‘Roots?’ Caduceus then just lists off root vegetables like Fjord’s an idiot. Oh, Cad. XD Honestly I like that the beat line is being made by vegetable chomping, it just feeds into the ‘Caduceus is a giant magical cow man’ vibes and I love it.

When the World is at Rest - Xhorhaus! In the middle of that street! Xhorhaus! In all seriousness, this song pulls double duty as well. ‘I miss the sun but the moons will do in a pinch’ anyone? The first and most obvious thing this song reminds me of is when the group is given the house and Caduceus asks, ‘are we putting down roots here?’ With the single act of planting that tree on the tower, Caduceus turned the house into the Mighty Nein’s home. Can’t get your deposit back after that, after all XD. I think of how this home in the dark has sheltered and protected the Nein so many times. I think of them befriending Essek and how that wasn’t part of the plan (you know, like Caduceus himself). I think of how their plans to end the war were hatched in darkness, how violated they all felt when one of their own was taken and when another was assassinated under cover of night, because the darkness had come to feel safe to them. I think of how much the Nein has blossomed since this house became their home, since they all had a place to go back to that was theirs. I think of how the Nein has given the world a breather, a chance to rest, all because they returned a beacon and befriended a traitor. 

Wildflowers - So, there are a couple of interpretations of this song. One is setting a lover or loved one free from your own feelings and letting them go. Another is that the singer is trying to find a place to bury a loved one (’that home by and by’ around where I live and grew up is a roundabout reference to heaven). Honestly, both interpretations are apt for Caduceus. He does his best to not burden others with his worries and feelings, he was the one who stayed home, which granted his siblings the freedom they needed to leave, etc. The second interpretation fits Caduceus as well because we know one of his secret hopes is that the Nein will let him tend their bodies and graves when the time comes. And now I’m gonna put on my TeaHaw hat for a goddamn minute bc holy heck, this is such a good song for both of them, Caduceus reminding Fjord that he deserves freedom and his beloved sea again, Fjord teaching Caduceus to follow his heart and embrace new experiences. ‘I have seen no other/Who compares with you’ really fits their complimentary and praise styles with each other. Thank you, Tal.

Never did No Wandering - Don’t have much to add to what Taliesin said about the song. For once. I think of Caduceus’ loneliness in the Grove and his regret that he didn’t leave sooner. I think of how he could only leave in the context of duty, of just how much his duty as a grave cleric to Melora has defined and shaped his understanding of himself. I think of how long it took for him to voice his own desires and wants. I think of how he insists he isn’t wandering, that he is following a pre-ordained path. I think of how much work he still has to do when it comes to knowing what he wants and making peace with getting it just for his own sake. Also, hello more sailors.

When You Get to Ashville - Oof, so this song works both ways for Caduceus, both as the singer and the subject of the song. I think of him, home alone for ten years, wondering what was going on with his family, if they were safe (he knew they weren’t, he knew what it took to keep them from him), how he didn’t actually want to know unless he could help. As the subject, I see his family, having only been away for what was maybe two years for them, looking at the changes in him in awe and confusion. Nothing’s changed for them but boy howdy has Caduceus changed. The homebody has left the nest and saved them all and he very obviously doesn’t want to go home yet if at all. Caduceus has waited so long to get them back and to be a family again yet when the time comes, he can’t bring himself to return, as the singer implies about the subject. He knows his family will be there to catch him if he needs it but I think this episode is where it really hit him that he’d been trying to recreate a past that never could be again because he could never go back to being who he was. 

Fuck it I’m a Flower - Another Caduceus anthem. Upbeat with a few melancholy lyrics. You can take it as the singer divorcing themself from humanity or you can take it as the singer using flowers as a metaphor for their growth into someone who becomes more involved (the singer goes from not marching to taking on other people’s pain from their place of safety to fully embracing the movement to change things while they can). I don’t have any context for this song but it really freaking reminds me of those protest photos where a protester offers a flower to the riot police (fuck the police). Caduceus is blossoming into a man who genuinely cares about the wider world and the people within it. Not just abstractly, which I would argue he did back in the Grove. But being up close to the ordinary folks in the Dynasty, in the Empire, the Coast, has given him a new perspective on not just his place but where he wants to stand. I think of Jester’s conversation with him back in Oh Captain Who’s Captain, the world is much bigger and messier than Caduceus could have ever dreamed. I think of Caduceus befriending and being kind to their crew and Avantika’s. I think of ‘Nott, you went to find help, we’re here to help.’ I think of ‘one day someone will pray for a miracle and that prayer will be answered because you showed up, that’s what this is all about.’ From rescuing Yeza to saving Giants to shattering the chains binding two of his friends to bringing peace to two warring nations to separating justice from vengeance, just look at where he is now: no longer passive or uncertain of how they can contribute to the world, Caduceus and the Nein have brought so much good into it. Caduceus knows where he stands now. Some people say that he’s the Nein’s moral compass and I disagree with that entirely, he’s become the courage to act on their moral compasses. 

Oh Bury Me Not - Okay, so I know this is where some listeners start to get antsy with all the death talk in this song and the ones after it so breathe, it’s fine. Caduceus is a Grave Cleric, y’all. Tal says that this song is an expression of Caduceus’s religious beliefs, which, uh, yeah. There is no stained glass in the Blooming Grove temple, they do all their work outside the traditional structures of religion and civilization and do it gladly, etc. The ending Bury Me Not, okay, guys, Caduceus is the singer here, not the kid being sung about. It really drives home the Wildmother’s philosophy on death: when you’re dead, you’re dead and you have no say over what happens to the corpse left behind. I think of the corpse of the Great Hero and the founding of the Blooming Grove, the Menagerie, and the Kiln. I think of Caduceus’ onscreen death and how through it, he finds his path to the Kiln. I think of him reviving Fjord. I think of him and this island and how much of a perversion it is of the ‘natural order’. Also, just given how much Fjord has impacted has impacted Caduceus’ ideas of faith and signs and stuff, it’s so fitting that this piece is here. I also think cowboys and how Tal said he’d planned on using the Ocean Burial before he came across this, I see you, Tal. 

September Song - So that build up, huh? I think of Caduceus and the Nein readying themselves for a battle to the death to save Yasha and stop Obann. I think of all the close-calls and near misses. I think of how every day, these people choose over and over and over to stay together, in spite of the coming winter, in spite of the obvious danger, in spite how much safer they would all be if they went their separate ways and planted their heads in the sand. I think of how that, their time, is the most precious gift any of them could give the others. This is not a sad thing, by the way. All these people, who have been so badly wounded by others, who are so skittish and so distrustful and so guarded, choose to stay together over and over again. No matter the hardship. They choose to spend their lives together, they choose to be better together and for each other.

22 (Over Soon) - Guys, this is 100% an Episode 95-96 song. 100%, no question in my book. I think of what Caduceus doesn’t say to his family. I think of what he does say. I think of how overwhelmed he is when the Nein saves them, I think of how he can only muster ‘It’s been a long time.’ (All these years) I think of him trying so hard to be given permission to stay with the Nein without explicitly asking for it, the subtext of ‘would you forgive me if I don’t come home yet’ threaded through his every interaction with his family. I think of how Caduceus hands the seeds over to his sister and tells her to be the hero the Grove and their family needs. I think of how easily and willingly he gave up what he’s called his destiny and charge since the beginning in order to stay with the Nein. This is Caduceus saying good-bye once and for all to the dreams of things going back to the way they were. I think Caduceus had been hoping that his family had changed just as much as he had. I think if they had, he might have gone back with them. But they haven’t changed and he has. So he can’t go home. Not yet. He cloaks his desire to stay with the Nein once more in duty but make no mistake, it’s desire that’s keeping him with them, people who may not understand him but who try and who are there and who accept the new person he has become. The build-up Tal was talking about? This is it. The moment where Caduceus first puts himself and his desires above what he thinks is his duty. The moment that Caduceus fully realizes how much he has changed and what an earth-shattering revelation it is.

We’ll Meet Again - Meetings and Partings have always had a special place in Caduceus’ arc, especially metatextually. He was the character who replaced another, who was rescued from his static seclusion by three of the Nein and who in turn rescued the three captive members. I think of how this song is a promise that, come what may, the singer will do their damnedest to return and make that promise a reality. I think of all the weird and wonderful people Caduceus has met in his short time outside the Grove. I think of all the shop keeps who just love this pink fuzzball and how many times they tell him to come back. I think about the Dusts, the meeting and parting and sanctuary they gave him. I think about Reani and Nila and how his kindness to them has come back threefold (Reani escorting his family home, Nila protecting the Grove). I think about Essek. I think about how driven Caduceus became to reforge the sword after Yasha was taken, to bring her home. I think of Caduceus prodding the Gentleman into reconciling with Jester. I think of his delight in the coincidences that keep lining up between him and Fjord. I think about Caduceus and Beau and how proud he is of her growth. I think of his declaration in the dome that ‘We aren’t done until we’ve saved each other.’ 

Enjoy It - And we wrap up our playlist with another Caduceus thesis statement: don’t worry about the things you can’t change, find the goodness and light in all of your experiences. If it’s meant to be easy, it will be and if it’s meant to be hard, it will be hard. You’re the green bean and you can choose to become jaded at the storms or enjoy the water flooding your roots. This song also fits the lightness we’ve seen from Caduceus since sending his family home. His big quest, his reason for leaving home, has been fulfilled (so he thinks, pretty sure Molaesmyr will be calling in the Nein’s near future) so now he can just sit back, relax, and fully enjoy the ride.

TL;DR - Growing up and moving on is hard and painful but it is also triumphant and necessary. Learning to be who you are and to place yourself on your list of priorities is a journey full of quiet work that few rarely glimpse. Caduceus’ whole arc has been about who he is and what he’s going to do with the strong moral compass he’s got - Is he going to continue to live in the world, even with all the pain, struggle, joy, and goodness that comes with it, or is he going to retreat from it, go back to his little patch of green and forget about it? All signs point to the former, not the latter. In tarot, Death means transformation and sweeping change even more than it does literal death. Caduceus’ playlist is all about the transformation of his self even as he remains true to his core beliefs.

[ewdaviddd]

folklore think piece

for a lower case album such as this, i will be writing a lowercase think piece on the subject. i will not explain why. you get it or you don’t.

the 1: i have never been in love or any type of romantic relationship that left me with lasting feelings of any kind. but, on my fourth listen through of this song today, what once was just a promising and fun intro to this peasant girl summer gut punch, brought me to actual tears as i sat on the toilet in my lime green childhood bathroom as if i were mourning the one that got away (another great song). however, i am an expert on being hung up on the past, the “what could have been”, and made up hypotheticals. this song also introduces the film motif seen a lot in this album. i think dating an actor has really gotten to her. anyway what a killer way to begin, top notch stuff. how can a song be so fun and so soul crushing at the same time?

cardigan: when did taylor wear black lipstick? this is important to me. an old cardigan is an inherently bisexual article of clothing. that is not an opinion. i read it somewhere today and i believe it. this is the tip of the queer-coding ice berg in folklore, never fear. another reference, “tried to change the ending / peter losing wendy”. this year i wrote a movie script where both peter and wendy were both gay. coincidence? probably. basically this one is classic taylor poetry on every level and it being one of a trio in a larger story makes it that much better. yet again, high school romance is not a universal experience (like for me for instance) but haunting my “what-ifs” is going to haunt me for a long time. and the thought of someone saying i was their favorite cardigan makes me want to scream into a pillow.

the last great american dynasty: my favorite ts songs have always been the ones with detailed characters and stories and this one introduces the trope of the “mad woman” who comes back later on as well a long with many fun character details. at first this song is just cheeky and cute, very visual, a fun world to jump into. but then this particular stretch of lines makes your heart drop into your chest and reminds you why taylor isn’t just always fun and always cute and always creative, she also holds the ability to nimbly sock you in the gut when you least expect: “fifty years is a long time / holiday house sat quietly on that beach / free of women with madness, their men and bad habits / and then it was bought by me.” my jaw is still on the floor. and i’ve never bought a house myself. but i’ve spent numerous christmases having a marvelous time ruining everything (so i’ve been told) so this song still applies to my life.

exile (ft. bon iver): i’m gonna be honest. for as long as i can remember i have strongly disliked bon iver and i never remembered why. it is a matter of principle at this point. i just don’t trust him. but then taylor announced she wrote a song with him which filled me with tremendous anxiety. but i can rest easy. much like “the last time” this song is a ts and male artist collaboration i can get behind. also the film motif again: the only time i’ve left a theatre when i didn’t like a movie was never because movie tickets are so expensive and if i’m shelling out 11 dollars to sit in a chair, i’m staying the whole time no matter how bad the ending. but i probably would have left my sister’s keeper if i had seen it before if i’m being honest. so i get it. thats why i read spoilers for everything i watch before watching it, because the anxiety of worrying about how it ends make me not enjoy it in the first place. the end of this song: the call and response felt… ethereal? i felt like i was watching a broadway musical from the splash zone seats, crying as i was spat on.

my tears ricochet: this song is what i picture stepping outside in the middle of the night when an inch or so of snow has just fallen and i can see the flakes fall in front of a street light sounds like. or the scorned secret ex lover throwing themselves onto the coffin demanding to know why they weren’t enough.   which is to say it feels like a sign from some sort of god. yet again, haunting is brought up, an overt reference to the fact that this album will live in my brain rent free for eternity. for some reason this song reminds me of the relationship between hamilton and burr when burr kills hamilton. that could be because i just watched the disney+ recording last week. one lives, one dies, but neither survive, both pay for it. Which is a super romantic and understanding view on murder. both musical experiences equally chilling and moving. if i die under mysterious circumstances this will for sure be played at the funeral.

mirrorball: first off, this is my mom's favorite which is very important. also, it has skewered a very specific but also universal insecurity of mine; existing just to please others and yet miserably failing. it is comforting that ts is not a “natural’ and feels she must always “try try try” because i too lack natural ability, but also rarely “try” even just the one time. the best way i can describe listening to this song is walking through a silent disco where everyone else is listening to some classic lady gaga jam and you are listening to a calming lullaby sung very far away. but don’t let the soothing sounds fool you. it still will have you reflecting on what it means to look and be looked at. a dark rabbit whole, like falling through the looking glass. i’ve never actually read that book though so i could be wrong.

seven: i’m dumb and on my first listen of this song i thought she “hit her peak” at 7 clock as opposed to age seven. but i always saw taylor swift as someone with an early bedtime. also a fun discovery while writing this, “seven” is the 7th song on the track list. clever. although this song is young and innocent and so nostalgic for a time when screaming ferociously was a widely accepted form of expression, it also sounds like a very old secret someone is whispering to me. a love from long ago that lasts beyond the person being in your life, passed down to me and it all just sounds a little gay. not just because of the specific line to hiding in the closet. but that certainly doesn’t go unnoticed. when i was seven i was definitely in love with girls and assumed that was just what friendship was, playing pirates and making plans of running away together.

august: the eighth track for the eighth month. her mind. also my birth month so that’s special. controversial opinion: from what i’ve read most people seem to think illicit affair is the third song in the triage of teen love. i will strongly make the case that it's actually this one. first of all, the subject: a short lived summer fling, which is specifically mentioned later in “betty”. the central heartbreak of this song is liking someone who always belonged to someone else. yes, this song is a window into a different summer, far from pandemic central and the escapist imagery is delightful. but a whole song from the pov of the “other woman” to james and betty is just so much more fun. and there are two more specific lyrics that prove my point. “remember when i pulled up and said "get in the car”” you will see later comes back from the other person’s perspective. and most of all: the repeated line, “meet me behind the mall”? only teenagers make plans to meet up behind a mall. i rest my case. so now we have cardigan and august. two pieces of the puzzle.

this is me trying: i’m glad i now have a succinct message to send to anyone when they ask me what the hell i’m doing at any given moment. this song just sounds like regret and waste in the most self-assured and confident way. this is “back to december” with the training wheels off.  i have no apologies for my efforts at wasting all my potential. but in this song, taylor has opened her arms to me in a warm embrace and has forgiven me for all i’ve done wrong and reminds me to not take for granted the “try”. okay mom. i’m crying again, but okay.

illicit affair: this is the kind of thing that makes you feel sixteen, living in a dull suburb, while secretly screwing your 38 year old married neighbor who’s rich but wants to be an artiste. aka like a character in euphoria or something. it’s sexy and dangerous until you think about it and then it's just dingy and creepy. but this song starts and stays beautiful. most importantly, this song is too sad and depressing frankly, to be a part of the trilogy. we could never forgive james for leaving such a mess and making her a fool. you don’t want to be this girl. you want to walk up to her and shake her and yell “you exist and will not be ruined by any dumb man”. and that’s feminism.

invisible string: is it reductive if i say this one’s about joe? all my non-stan friends have asked me which ones are about him. we forgive them and point them in this direction. because it is lovely and beautiful that we are all tied to our soulmate for our whole lives before we ever meet them (because that would in fact mean that there is someone out there for everyone which might be naive or dumb but i am both of those things and whats the point of living if you don’t believe in the power of love). this honestly gives me “begin again” vibes in the best way. it’s red-era level with the wisdom of lover-era tay. sublime.

mad woman: the second mention of the “mad woman” as both taylor herself and the character in the story. as usual, tay stays calling out double standards and the manipulation of women into “going crazy” for expressing reasonable anger. I, personally, wish i could say “fuck you forever” without someone saying i’m “overreacting”. this is my least favorite song on the album and i’d still listen to it three times in a row and need to resist the urge to set a man’s lawn on fire. just girly things.

epiphany: i know she said this one is about her grandfather’s experience in the military but all i imagine is a slow montage of harry style’s character in “dunkirk” on the beach. and it’s beautiful. and much like my sophomore in high school self reading “all quiet on the western front” it evokes a pain from deep inside me that engulfs a loss i could never describe and a sadness too awful to witness. you will listen to this song and feel absolutely powerless to the will of the universe and it’s cruelty. and the faint but steady heart monitor beep in the background… i’ve never seen “grey’s anatomy” but i can imagine why it has so many fans sobbing. and let me end on this: two soldiers in some old war (meaning both men based on dunkirk) watching each other like this and living and dying together…gay.

betty: the first verse was pulled directly out of my subconscious fantasy of being in love in high school and it being so wonderful and painful and dramatic. and taylor riding a skateboard… is a mood. the song has been out for less than a week and it’s already a cold take to talk about how this is her gayest song to date (close runner-ups being reputation’s “dress” and “cardigan”). but of course i will still talk about it. the lyrics embody such authentic awkward gay energy (see the lesbian in booksmart for reference) and having been a 17 year old only three years ago, i can say with reasonably good authority that no 17 year old straight boy could stand in front of a crowd of peers and beg forgiveness from a girl he hurt. it’s just not realistic. these are all awkward, over-dramatic, young girls stumbling through love. and it’s awesome. james is the speaker of this song, and the subject of “august”, the summer fling that was never truly there due to james’ love for betty, the titular role of this song. thus completing the love triangle. and there are so many obvious references in this song to both “august” and “cardigan”. rhyming cardigan with car again makes me want to light myself on fire in the best way. i love it. “i dreamt of you all summer long” is the final nail in the coffin for the girl in “august” who was clearly just a place-holder. totally separate from taylor swift, my favorite word is porch. so the amount of times it appears in her lyrics is wonderful. say it out loud. it just feels nice. anyway, this song makes me want to be young and dumb and in love. the second can really only be tolerated because of the first and third. i hope the story has a happy-ending. if james were a boy i’d wish him the plague.

peace: the coming-of-age movie starring james and betty (and inez) is over. we have come to “the age” i guess. there’s a thought that’s gonna fester. if this song was just the line, “would it be enough if i could never give you peace?” over and over for four minutes it would still smash me to pulp and fill my body with helium gas. i can and will cause a car wreck when this comes on the aux. if this song is what being grown up is like (bare in mind grown up to me is like, 30) then i’m ready to be done coming of age. because i already worry if i’ll be at all enough for anyone and way too much for someone at the same time. but like all good poetry, this song isn’t about what it “means”, but how it “feels”. and this is new york city, the summer, pouring rain, a long walk home, desperately fearing and hoping they are there waiting for you.

hoax: a one-sided conversation between me and my stubborn clinical depression. i too, constantly stand alone on the cliff demanding a reason. one has not yet been presented. it operates both within and and against me. i could be bigger and stronger than it. but instead i tend to it like a prickly plant. (“no other sadness in the world will do”). there is nothing both sadder and funnier then the scene in “avatar: the last airbender” when prince zuko stands alone on a cliff screaming at the sky for lightning to strike him. i don’t know why this song reminds me so much of that. what a way to end such an emotional rollercoaster. it is so emotionally draining that it simply forces me to start folklore again from the top and listen to it all over again.  or take a long therapeutic nap.

there are no skips. and it will still surprise you on your 267th listen. proceed with caution.

i knew you, in a past life maybe. i have not met you yet, but folklore has made me believe you exist.

@taylorswift 10/10 good work

@taylornation this had to be shared and i don’t have a twitter so

[rhydium]

Info dumbo about the StarFinite story?

aright u asked for it anon GET READY [cracks knuckles] this is gonna be long so obligatory cut in 3, 2........

...1!

so the uh, the au! the story!! w/e yall wanna call it! full disclaimer, i only began working on this whole thing a while ago, but it's totally taken over my fukn brain. like, we're talking big hyperfixation hrs. am i cringe for being this invested in my own content? yes? cool i do not Care >:3€

i should also throw it out there real quick that i am kin w/ infinite, n this is actually one of my two canons (both of which are my own aus lmfao wow). i didn't go into it expecting it to be but sfsfsgdfs here we are ig!! for that reason it's got extra importance to me n this definitely contributes to the euphoria i get from it!! it's a lil odd writing ur own canon,,? but i kinda just go w/ the flow!

the au n, the story that i will start Eventually, revolves around infinite n starline (obvi) n it's honestly just ... the tl;dr is big healing momence n, what's this? uh oh sisters !!! they are falling in love 😳😳😳

uhhhh so infinite is an android, made by eggman. that's like, the most notable canon divergence here! super important context to have. i've got a whole big theory on the possibility of sega originally intending infinite to be an artificial being (which i explored in the works for my Other canon too), stemming from not only the scene in forces wherein infinite comments on sonic's "data", but a line of dialogue from tails in one of the last stages of the game where he Literally Says "so this is where eggman built infinite". that ... i mean. that contrasts w/ episode shadow pretty hard don't it?? would explain why that dlc was so rushed, n the comic too. ANYWAY adsfsfs um that's a seperate ramblepost. yeah!!!

they are also agender n use they/them (primarily) as well as he/him!! so i'll be refering to them w/ those pronouns!

after the war, infinite is taken in by the resistance n, instead of being dismantled, they're basically given a chance to rehabilitate themselves. it's agreed that they won't be reprogrammed, as despite the potential risks, it feels wrong to do so; like a violation of their free will, individuality n thinking. if infinite is to be a good person, it's not gonna be bc other ppl recreated their entire personality, it's gonna be bc it's what they themselves truly want. robot ethics idk man!! u can't tell me that sonic n co wouldn't offer this to infinite if they offered it to metal in IDW,,,, i am Standing By This!!!

it's, yknow, a bit rocky, at first. infinite has to really fight the urge to return to eggman (something they already tried once, before the resistance found them; they were cast out). it's a struggle against what they were built to do, against giving into unhealthy familiarity over facing a, while healthier, unfamiliarity. new faces, a new life, turning their back on their mission n creator, it's like, a lot.

they work for/with the sonic crew, rebuilding the world they tore down as deemed fitting justice, being closely monitored for a bit as a natural precaution. as it becomes apparent infinite truly no longer has any ambition to harm others (they don't have much ambition for anything, really), they're then granted more freedom, n start taking on more important missions!! it at least gives them something to do, keeps them occupied. they have issues with dissociation, unreality, whether they're truly a real person bc, well, android. feeling purposeless, n a lack of worth, especially. a need to prove themselves. heavy stuff. i'll kinda go into that a bit more in a sec. their work grounds them, if only temporarily.

n soooooo... IDW comic stuff happens. metal virus time. starline gets kicked out of the empire.

now, as the comics are ongoing, n as this is already an au, there's gonna be divergence, n i must admit i haven't planned out all that yet. there's a lot i have to consider!! infinite being w the resistance/restoration is a big game changer ... tho i Do believe that they were absent, likely on a far out mission during most of the chaos. eggman doesn't know abt them, nor does starline or anyone else other than the sonic crew; n some civilians that recognise them.

i'm not 100% sure of Exactly when it happens, but i think it's just after bad guys, that infinite is sent to locate n bring in starline. it doesn't prove too difficult. there's a whole, starline realising "oh fuck it's you???", some bickering n, the two don't hit it off right away. they're both kinda like. not mentally stable ddgddgdds,,,

so uh. starline ends up essentially going thru the same sorta shit as infinite. careful watch, rebuilding, all that jazz, making sure he can be trusted. he's like... very very lost, quite like infinite is. the world has kinda calmed down, in the meanwhile.

it's at this point i'm gonna go ahead n drop a bit of a ramble i subjected my friends to a while ago, to articulate the way i see the two, n their dynamic together!! i was considering making this it's own post a while ago!

analysing their characters a bit... let's look at starline. Like. so we have this, in bad guys, which SENT ME tbfh;

i feel like it's the moment that triggers starline onto the path he is rn canonically,,, he's clearly like. rly mad n bitter. the core of this?? he wants his work n his efforts to be acknowledged.

he's big angry. still kind of in denial at this stage. he has himself obsessed w/ the idea of making eggman see him as Worthy, that if he just tries hard enough, that'll happen. he's dependent on eggman's validation, n i mean, it's no surprise; he's followed him a Long Time by the sounds of it.

then in the recent issue, hold the fuck up, bc we got, This;

god. my god it's all comin together now homies. this???? this right here??? it is the CLASSIC "i have to do this to prove i'm strong n powerful n smart n worthy n should be respected please Give Me Acknowledgement" ..... n who else is Like That? can u see where im going w/ this?

i think most ppl are aware of infinite's character being extremely indicative of self worth/esteem issues n the need to prove themself, right?? the extreme adversity, repulsion, perhaps even fear toward the idea of being weak. the compulsion to prove otherwise, to show their strength, to become powerful, to conquer to make a point. their theme exudes this same energy as their behaviour in-game; an aggressive attitude, trying to assert themself, while if u rly listen...? the lyrics are actually really sad in places. it reeks of cover up, although composition wise, a v interesting thing to note is a lot of the more telling lyrics are prominent while some of the affirming ones are in the background. indicative of a desire to have their true feelings be heard but caught in a vicious loop?

okay okay that's yet Another different analysis. AHEM.

not to get deep on main (oh who the hell am i kidding that's the point of this entire thing) but i think starline has issues w/ his worth in a similar way to infinite. they both seem to have this need to Prove something, whether it's to others or themselves, n get caught in a toxic spiral of doing worse n worse things for Some kind of validation or acknowledgement. they'll go to really big lengths chasing that, n both of them ultimately sought validation in the wrong place n wrong way.

this is a big part of my starfinite dynamic,, n so, what happens, as they get closer n open up??? we have them BOTH realising together that they don't have to do fuck all to prove anything to anyone. they don't need to do all this to show they're strong n smart n worth something, not to anyone else OR themselves. they're enough as they are. they bond over that shared feeling that they have to do xyz, to prove themselves, n that desire to just finally be acknowledged n appreciated n help each other thru it. to help each other understand that other ppls approval, or lack thereof, doesn't define them, their strength, intelligence, and worthiness.

i feel like they have an interesting parallel between them in like... the above could be taken as a general analysis, but to go more in depth on this au specifically?? ...

starline followed eggman for presumably a long time n it no doubt left him feeling a heavy and deep regret for all that time wasted n spent on an unhealthy path. infinite kinda teaches him that what matters is what he's doing Now n also reminds him that if none of it happened, starline wouldn't have learnt a lot of the serious skills he has. n while starline still feels bad, he also realises himself that, he likely never would have crossed infinite's path if none of it happened. for that reason, he wouldn't take it back.

infinite has only been recently made, on the other hand. they haven't really existed long, yet, but so far their experiences haven't been very positive n it can be .... discouraging. starline sorta, shows infinite their limited experiences w/ the world are a very tiny fraction of what's out there, n things can absolutely change, yes, including for the better; that's the essence of life, a neverending, constant flow of change.

it's a big tale of moving on n letting go, honestly; made easier as they're doing it together. n as they heal n grow, well... these bitches gay. sfshshdgds like, ig that's putting it p bluntly but!! they start to trust each other, understand each other more. as they get to truly know who the other is, they both start developing The Feelings. they're both pretty oblivious n the reveal is totally unknown so far!! yeah, i know, bummer. i suck. boo. adafsfsds however i can say there will be lots of content in the making!! if that soothes the soul! i've got of ideas i hope to bring to life.

ofc there's still a lot of more specific things i haven't covered here so! if y'all want more juice hmu w/ more focused questions but !! this is the overview n i hope it was a decent read now that gave some uhhh! Cool Insight! yea!!! ✌

[unibrowzz]

My 2020 reviews

All the cool kids were doing these so now I finally dragged my ass into doing them too lmao. 

Albania- Fall from the Sky

A song I swear cursed this whole contest from the moment it won Festivali i Këngës. Like with the shitshow this song caused I just knew the whole year was fucked. With half the fandom whining they didn’t get their first club song of the year to the other half smugly shoving it as their winner despite no other songs being around to compare it to, the whole fiasco just left me knowing that 2020 would end in tears, just hopefully not my own. As for the song, it’s lame. It’s a standard ballad with OBSCENE amounts of autotune, which is weird because the girl can actually sing pretty decently without it, so why they decided to make her sound like a damn computer is beyond me. And WHY did they translate it, haven't the past few years proven that Albania's better off leaving their songs in Albanian? 

Armenia- Chains on You

A bootleg Ariana Grande song, and a really shit one at that. The kind of song only people who think being young, gay and mean counts as having a personality would say is good.

Australia- Don’t Break Me

One of the few decent Australian entries (but that REALLY isn’t saying much coming from me, I barely care they’re in the contest by this point) but marred by a horribly untidy performance and lacklustre lyrics. At least it’s not fucking pop-opera, that’s all I can say. I’d rather listen to the sound of my face being dragged down the runway at Heathrow airport than be subjected to another Zero Gravity.

Austria- Alive

One of those pseudo-jazz dance songs, á la Olly Murs or Bruno Mars (I swear there’s a song like this in every recent contest). I mean, it’s good, but it’s just kinda meh since I’m kinda getting tired of this genre rearing its fedora-wearing head every time a new lineup rolls in.

Azerbaijan- Cleopatra

One of the “better” trashy entries this year, comprised of about five different musical genres, six ancient cultures being appropriated and absolutely zero class. Probably sounds at least 50% better when you’re absolutely steaming drunk and face down on the floor in the middle of a gay bar.

Belarus- Da Vidna

Somehow, this song sounds both very unique and original yet trite and average at the same time. I couldn’t decide whether listening to it was a new experience or if I’d heard it a million times before.

Belgium- Release Me

A song which just drones on till it ends. I would say it’s ripping off the song that won last year, but it forgot that having a chorus stops your song from being three minutes of snooze.

Bulgaria- Tears Getting Sober

A typical breathy mumble-girl song, AKA a genre I can’t fucking stand. Really don’t see the hype with this one, the melody is pretty but the vocals are out for lunch and it’s otherwise completely and utterly boring.

Croatia- Divlji Vjetre

One of the token big dramatic ballads you listen to once, enjoy, then forget about until Darius in the Discord server plays it one night whilst you’re hitting up the radio bot with requests. You’ll find that “nice, but forgettable” is a common theme for this year.

Cyprus- Running

Ironically Cyprus didn’t send a crappy Fuego knockoff for 2020, and I say ironically because a crappy Fuego knockoff would’ve actually stood out this year, and I say crappy because honestly Fuego wasn’t even all that great to begin with. "Running” itself is just one of those edgy tortured soul pop songs which, let’s be honest, would have been paired with an impressive performance which would’ve overshadowed how bland it is. Kind of like “You’re the Only One”. Or even Fuego for that matter.

Czech Republic- Kemama

Standard Afro-pop, a genre we don't often see at the contest so I'll let it pass. I feel like this is the kind of song that’s infinitely better live, and that it would’ve been one of those songs that suddenly became a frontrunner after the semi finals, but I guess we’ll never know eh?

Denmark- Yes 

The quintessential mid-10s Eurovision song. It's got guitars, happy people, Scandinavian origins… it’s just a typical radio guitar song, nothing special.

Estonia- What Love Is

I mean it's better than La Forza. Granted, the sound of someone pissing directly onto a microphone installed in the bowl of a toilet would sound better than La Forza but still. Going back to this song, it’s just... a standard Eastern-ballad with some very desperate lyrics. It feels kind of outdated, if I’m honest. Like something about this just reeks of 2011.

Finland- Looking Back

Yet another dreary, forgettable ballad. It comes to something when the best song they COULD have sent was a party song which sounded like it was from the mid 90s. At least that song was memorable. That said, this one at least has some decent lyrics. Bravo for that I guess.

France- Mon Alliée

France decides to say “fuck it” to being an underground fan-favourite and takes a leaf out of the UKs book by sending the same rent-a-Swede schlock they’ve been sending since 2015. I’m just confused as to why anyone in their right mind would choose to follow the UKs example but you do you France.

Germany- Violent Thing

A rehash of Sweden's entry from two years ago, but this time sung by Justin Bieber circa 2008. Kind of alright if you can stomach the singer's whiny voice, but otherwise pretty dull and kinda forgettable.

Greece- Superg!rl

Hello fellow kidz, we are hearing you like the girl power? The super heroes? The t3xt $p3ech? We made you song, please give us the votes *dabs*

Georgia- Take me as I Am

I mean… this sure is a choice. This feels like one of those songs that everyone memes on because the lyrics are kinda janky and the singer’s voice (and accent) take a bit of getting used to, but other than that it’s just one of those NQ songs for hipster fans to declare as their unironic winner at a later date. All in all this just feels like the male equivalent of one of those mid-10s fat acceptance women’s songs, only a lot shoutier and this time he has more flaws than not being skinny.

Iceland- Think About Things 

A bootleg George Ezra song, performed by a load of disinterested tumblr users in their pyjamas. Because if there’s one thing that sells me on a song, it’s being given the evils by a bunch of nerds who look like they’ll send me death threats for not agreeing with their Pokémon headcanons. To be fair, the song is kind of groovy since it sounds so 70s, but the performance is very off-putting to people who aren’t in the Eurovision loop. And also people who are, because I sure as Hell don’t see the appeal in this myself and this whole performance just feels like Save Your Kisses for Me without the charm. I feel like this would’ve come second or third, definitely with a lot of televotes but either the jury would’ve dragged it down or it wouldn’t have scored enough televotes to win.

Ireland- Story of my Life

A song that’s at LEAST ten years out of date by this point, think like an early Katy Perry, Jessie J or Avril Lavigne song. I’ll forgive it because even though it sounds like it should’ve been entered in 2013 (at the latest), it at least evokes some nostalgic memories of shitty school discos and holiday parks.

Israel- Feker Libi

The female equivalent of the Czech song. Unsurprisingly, people went wild for it when it was released. I guess only women are allowed to sing Afro-pop at this contest. Like with the Czech song, I’ll forgive it since Afro-pop is a cool genre anyway, and even though this is just another club song I can at least see myself dancing to it.

Italy- Fai Rumore

Well, at least my wish of “Italy sends a typical power ballad devoid of anything the mainstream fandom likes” finally came true. It was pretty refreshing to have a year where people weren’t shoving Italy’s entry up my nose left right and centre. In terms of my actual thoughts I can’t deny that the guy has a tremendous voice, but for some reason the song just doesn’t… click with me. I guess I like my male Italian singers a little more gruff and raspy, if you know what I mean. They gotta sound like they smoke at LEAST five packets of cigarettes a day for me to take notice.

Malta- All of my Love

Listen I am 100% rooting for Destiny Chukunyere to win this contest some day but man was this song a disappointment. It feels so… un-special and generic, like it gets the job done and that’s it. It’s not the stand-up-and-belt-it-out soul anthem I’d hoped for, it’s just… there.

Moldova- Prison

All I remember about this song is that it vaguely reminds me of that one Meccano song about the gypsy who makes a deal with the moon or something. And I’ve TRIED to remember more about what it sounds like, trust me.

Latvia- Still Breathing

The one horrible weird song you get every year which overuses strobe effects to the point it comes with an epilepsy warning. Would be bearable if it wasn't for the singer’s insistence that this is actually some feminist masterpiece when it's really just a self-empowerment club song about the singer fingerbanging herself over the fact she writes music.

Lithuania- On Fire

One of the songs everyone thought was going to win at one point, even though it seems like a surefire non-qualifier to me. It’s one of those weird entries, but not the kind of over the top, batshit insane, you’d-have-to-be-drunk-to-enjoy-it weird, the kind of subdued surreal weird. Like this is weed instead of LSD or cocaine weird. Granted my mom, who I consider to be a "typical" Eurofan, actually really liked this song when she saw it in the recaps, so who knows maybe this would have done well with televoters after all.

Netherlands- Grow

I appreciate this song for how artsy and clever it is with its structure, since it starts off acapella and the instrumental builds up with the song until it stops suddenly, symbolising a person’s growth from a child into an adult, and ending suddenly with their death (Geddit? The song’s called “Grow”). But it feels like the kind of song that would be lost on a Eurovision audience. The juries would have taken note, for sure, but the televote… let’s be honest, they’d have been too busy drunk voting for Russia to care about anything else.

North Macedonia- You

Well, it's better than the miserable dirge they sent last year, but given how I'd rather pleasure myself with a steak knife than listen to that song, that really isn't saying much. Going back to “You”, it really just feels like a diet version of Switzerland’s entry from last year, combined with Sweden’s song from 2018. What I’m saying is it’s your average “I’m a man in a club and I want to dance with and probably fuck this hot girl I just met” song, which I a new genre I just made up. You’re welcome.

Norway- Attention 

One of those songs you appreciate because it sounds nice and the singer has a good voice, but instantly forget because it’s really not all that interesting. If I sound like I'm repeating myself, welcome to Eurovision 2020.

Poland- Empires

“Rise Like a Phoenix” but sung by a wannabe Adele and not a mascara-wearing Jesus in a dress. Like a lot of other songs on this list, it’s just average across the board, likeable when it’s on, but instantly forgettable as soon as the next song comes on.

Portugal: Medo de Sentir

Pretty, but also similar to their ill-fated 2018 entry, only with a bit more energy and less pink hair. What I’m saying is this would have been another NQ unless the crowd who enjoy subtle ambience music come in to save it like they did with Slovenia's entry last year.

Romania- Alcohol You

See Bulgaria, because this is practically the same song. It’s just as dreary, just as badly sung (if not worse because holy shit this girl sounds like she’s being suffocated), and I suppose you COULD excuse that by saying she’s drunk or hungover… but I don’t want to listen to someone ungracefully mumble into a microphone for three minutes.

Russia- Uno

A classic big camp party song, the kind of song people who haven’t watched Eurovision since 2003 think wins on the regular. I can see why people would like it (especially in this boring year lmao, I applaud Russia for taking the opportunity to loosen their corset and just send a complete mess instead of their usual clinical vote grabs), but it’s just not something I enjoy. It's the song that plays into the misconception that Eurovision is just a clown show for drunk people, like this is just here to be that one flash-in-the-pan meme song that only entertains people who don’t really care about Eurovision until the day before it airs. Kind of like the old ladies they sent in 2012 (remember them?).

San Marino- Freaky!

San Marino, in true Sammarinese fashion, have yet again sent a decade-ambiguous song which sounds like it was either released in 1978 or 2003. I feel like this would have been one of those songs which could have surprised us if it had a really wacky, creative performance (think like Moldova in 2018), but this is San Marino so you know that would never happen.

Serbia- Hasta la Vista

Insert unoriginal joke about a decade wanting their shitty trend back right here. Okay maybe that’s a bit harsh, especially considering how this song is actually, yanno, unique in comparison to the rest of this year. But it still feels weirdly dated, in a way where I can’t decide whether it sounds like it belongs in 1998 or 2018. I suppose girl power ages a song regardless of when it was released.

Slovenia- Voda

Yet another standard Balkan-European power ballad which you appreciate because it’s well sung, but forget the moment it ends because it’s kinda boring. … Does anyone else have a bit of deja vu?

Spain- Universo

For some reason I feel like this song is shilling itself out to someone but I have no idea who. Aside from the horny people voting solely because the singer is moderately attractive even with that wretched Jedward haircut.

Sweden- Move

Imagine soul but… boring.

Switzerland- Répondez Moi

Imagine Arcade but… in French.

United Kingdom- My last Breath

Not the best the UK could have done, but it’s at least a modern offering unlike the residual dregs of the mid-90s that we sent throughout the 2010s. It’s definitely a bit too generic to have done any better than maybe 15th, but hey at least the cancellation means we won’t have to see it not do as well as the BBC thinks it’s entitled to do, prompting a billion clickbait articles about how Brexit somehow affected our performance.

Ukraine- Solovey

At long last we come to something you probably weren't expecting: a song I actually really like. Which is weird because I usually don't care for or don't like whatever Ukraine vomits into the contest, so I was pleasantly surprised to find a song I liked from them in such a weak year. This song isn’t for everyone, it’s white noise singing which is a very acquired taste, but this is honestly the only 2020 song I find myself coming back to over and over. And it’s in Ukrainian too, so you don’t have to put up with their usual mangled English offerings.

[calpalirwin]

You’ll Always Have Me

Summary: Alyssa and Ashton have been best friends ever since Alyssa moved in across the street the summer before second grade. Together, they were tackling the stereotype that boys and girls can’t just be friends. That is, until they almost kissed right before their junior year of high school. Can their friendship survive the jealousy that stems from their newfound feelings? And what happens when they realize these “newfound feelings” really aren’t all that new?

And away, and away we go!

Chapter 10

~Alyssa~

I was skeptical of Ash’s sudden change of heart, if I could call it that. Granted, I was glad he finally was back to being regular Ash. But, I also liked seeing him get so worked up when I gave him a taste of how I’d been feeling since he started dating Kayla. It meant that he still cared about our almost kiss to be bothered, which meant maybe there was a chance if we ever stopped pretending we were worried about it “ruining” our friendship. But his sudden acceptance of Calum left me feeling a little worried, like the door on what could have been was closing for good. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.

At home, I scrambled to get my homework done because I knew I’d blow it off if I waited until I got back from Ash’s with Dad.

“Lys, let’s go!” my dad hollered up the stairs when he got home from work. I grabbed guitar bag, slinging it over my shoulder as I headed downstairs. “Really, kid?” he asked me, motioning at the bag.

“Shouldn’t you be happy to know that you didn’t waste your money on a hobby for me to give up a month later?” I asked him.

He raised his eyebrows, “You got me there. At least you’re still sticking it out. Now, c’mon.”

In the car, we blasted the radio as loud as we could bear. Wednesdays were probably one of my favorite days because for the short car ride to and from Mr. Irwin’s, it was just Dad and me. Dad preferred to rock out with me to the radio rather than fill the ride with mindless “catching up” like Mom did when I drove with her.

A few blocks from Ash’s, Dad turned down the radio. “So, Mom told you you got a date on Friday?”

I looked at him from the corner of my eye. “Yeah. It’s not a big deal though. We’ll probably just go to the movies or something.”

“Yeah, that’s what Mom told me. I was just surprised, I guess.”

“Why?”

“I dunno. I guess I always thought when you started dating that you’d go out with Ashton. I know Ashton. I was prepared for Ashton.”

“Me too,” I sighed.

“Sorry, kid.” His hand reached out and gently patted my leg.

“Aw, Mom told you everything, didn’t she?!” I groaned, my hands coming up to cover my face.

“Sorry, kid,” he said again.

“Life goes on, y’know,” I said, repeating the words I had told Ash.

“That it does,” Dad nodded, “that it does.”

At Ash’s, I quickly disappeared down the hall while all the dads took over the living room. “Hey, Ash,” I said, walking into his room, finding him shirtless on his bed. “Um…” I started before dropping my gaze. Shirtless Ash was not a new sight, but given how we’d been towards each other recently, I felt like I had interrupted something I shouldn’t have. “You gonna… um…?”

His eyes went wide with realization. “Shit, sorry,” he made a mad scramble to throw a shirt on. “I forgot. My bad. What’s up?” he asked, pushing past the slightly awkward encounter as he retook his seat on his bed.

“How do you forget something like that?” I asked, sitting down next to him.

“Uh… Kay was over and I…” His hand pushed through his hair and gave a sheepish grin.

“Oh,” I said, not needing to know the details of whatever he and Kayla had been doing. Then, “Uh, you guys didn’t…” I motioned towards where we were sitting.

“No. No! We just made out. Swear.”

“Cool,” I said, feeling slightly more at ease. I don’t know how I would have felt if he had answered differently. I didn’t even want to think about that. “Uh, so I figured we could do this one,” I told him, showing him the song on my phone.

“Oh, yeah! That’s actually one of Kay’s favorites. I was teaching myself how to play it to surprise her.”

My stomach twisted itself at his words. I swallowed and moved past the feeling. “Oh, sweet. Yeah, I figured the original version is already slow enough that doing it acoustically won’t sound weird, y’know?”

“Yeah, like the one we’re doing with Lu and Si would be hella weird.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, laughing.

He moved to sit on his drum box while I got my guitar out. “Ready when you are,” he said. I hit play on my phone and we clumsily played along, both us singing.

We ran through it a few times, beginning to take turns singing the verses and coming together in the chorus, each run through sounding less awkward than the one before. “That’s it!” I cheered after our tenth run through. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, smiling wide. “That was it!”

“Fuck yeah!” Ash cheered with me. “I think I’ll be singing this song in my sleep.”

“Yeah, the lyrics are always the quickest part for me to learn,” I said, stretching my fingers. “Videogames?” I asked, nodding my head at his game system.

“Hell yeah.” He grabbed two controllers and moved to sit next to me on the bed. “Oh shit, I’m starving,” he said, handing me one of the controllers.

“Yeah, I haven’t eaten either,” I realized, the hunger hitting me all at once.

“There’s pizza in the kitchen,” he told me.

“Not if I get to it before you do,” I grinned, shoving him before racing out of his room.

“Oh, that’s cheating!” he shouted as he ran after me.

I came skidding to a stop in the kitchen in front of the pizza boxes. I knew one of them held a full pizza meant just for Ash and me. The challenge was picking the right one before Ash. We both stared at the boxes, then grabbed one, flipping the lids open. “Yes!” I cheered, revealing a full pizza.

“Shit!” Ash groaned at his loss.

“Sucks to suck, nerd,” I taunted, deeply inhaling the smell of pizza and victory.

His eyes narrowed as he lunged after me and I screamed before running away from him.

“Uh, guys…” Ash’s dad interrupted after Ash chased me into the living room and cornered me behind the couch.

We both glanced over at the dining room table where all the dads were staring at us. “Sorry, Mark. Yeah, sorry, Dad,” we both said before quietly making our way back to Ash’s room.

“I didn’t know Ashton had a girlfriend,” one of the dads muttered and both mine and Ash’s ears turned red.

“Oh, they’re just friends,” both mine and his dad answered.

“Well, that was awkward,” Ash muttered, closing his bedroom door before erupting into nervous giggles.

His laugh in general was contagious, but his nervous one was both cute and contagious. I giggled with him. Then, “Do people really think that? That’s we’re… y’know.”

“I dunno. I mean, Kay thought I had a thing for you which is why she’s been so clingy. But we got over that the other day.”

“Yeah, when I had lunch with Cal yesterday one of his friends thought I was with you. It’s not that uncommon to be friends with someone of the opposite gender, is it?”

“No, of course not,” Ash said, taking the box from me and grabbing a slice. “I think people think it’s weird because we’re best friends,” he said, while chewing through his bite.

“But, how is that weird?” I asked, taking my own piece and biting into it.

He shrugged. “I dunno. I guess most people just kinda assume it’s what happens when you’re friends at our age. I mean, it happened to Lu and Si.”

“Yeah, but that’s different. They were never best friends like you and I are. They’ve always been more friends by association, y’know. Like they only ever hung out with each other because of us. They never hung out by themselves like we have. Well, they do now, but y’know.”

He shrugged again, “Yeah, beats me. That’d be weird though, wouldn’t it? Us actually dating.”

It was my turn to shrug. “I dunno. It wouldn’t be much different than it is now, would it?”

He nodded, thinking it over, “Yeah, I guess not, huh? Well, we’ll never know now that you got that date with Hood.”

“Oh, shut up. You starting dating Kayla before Cal starting being interested in me.”

“Aw, jealous?” he teased.

“You’re the one who tried to kiss me, remember?”

“So, videogames?” he asked, changing the subject.

“Definitely,” I agreed, grateful to stop our current course of conversation. His words had left an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Would we really never know if we were meant to be more than best friends?

Friday, after Anatomy, Calum came up to my desk while I packed up my bag. “Hey, so I’ll pick you up around 7?”

“7’s fine.”

At home, I tried to focus on anything but my impending date with Calum. However, my mind was too hyped up to let me relax, so after a half hour or so of staring at my ceiling with racing thoughts, I headed to the garage. 

I stayed there, lost in what I was playing, until the alarm I set for myself jarred me back into reality.

After a shower, I stared at my closet wondering what in the world I was going to wear. While I was still under the assumption we’d probably catch a movie or something, I wasn’t actually sure what we would end up doing. I didn’t want to wear jeans and a t-shirt for him to show up in a suit. But I also didn’t want to get all dressed up myself on the chance he showed up in jeans and t-shirt himself. I finally settled on a darker pair of jeans and a blouse that I usually saved for school pictures. Nice, but still functionable.

In the bathroom, I did my hair and makeup the way I normally did them but made sure to touch up my nail polish, telling myself it was stupid to stress about how I looked. He asked me out because he liked me, not because of the clothes I wore or the way I did my hair and makeup. Right? Just in case, I left my hat on my dresser.

The last thing on my list required me to cross the hall and knock on Mike’s door. “Busy!” Mike’s voice yelled through the door.

“Shut up, I need to borrow your girlfriend!” I yelled back.

There was movement inside the room and mumbled complaints before the door opened. “He- Oh! You look great! Is this for your date?” Crystal asked.

“Too much or not enough?” I asked.

“Just right,” she told me. “Doesn’t she look good, Mikey?”

“She’s my sister…” Mike answered.

“Boys…” she sighed with a roll of her eyes.

“Boy?” Mike asked indignantly. He crossed his room and wrapped his arms around her.

“Yes,” she taunted.

Mike’s eyes grew dark and Crystal put her hands on her hips, holding his gaze. Mike’s head turned towards me, “You’re gonna need to leave now.”

“Way ahead of you,” I said, turning heel and making my way downstairs.

“Well, don’t you look nice,” my mother commented as I sat down on the couch.

“You two can go and do whatever it is you were gonna do. You don’t have to wait with me.”

“And miss out on meeting this date of yours? Not a chance, kiddo,” my dad said.

“Oh, please don’t make a thing of this. You didn’t with Mike.” I was hoping by pulling the double-standard card they’d get up and leave before Calum showed up.

“We still met Crystal, so we’re expecting to meet Calum,” my dad told me, seeing past my trick.

I narrowed my eyes. “Fine,” I conceded. We sat in awkward silence until the doorbell rang. I quickly jumped up from my seat to answer the door before my parents.

“Hey!” Calum greeted. “Ready for our date?”

“Ready,” I told him, breathing a sigh of relief that he was also wearing jeans with a nice shirt.

“Oh, before I forget, here’s your chocolate.” He produced a chocolate bar from the pocket of his shirt. “I wasn’t sure what kind you liked so I decided to go small just in case you hate it,” he continued as he pressed the chocolate into my hand.

I tucked it into my purse, smiling. “It’s perfect, thank you. Now, we should get out of here before my-”

“You must be Calum!” my mother chirped behind us.

I suppressed an eye roll. “Cal, these are my parents. Parents, this is Cal,” I introduced.

“Is that your car?” my dad asked, looking past us to the Jeep parked at the curb.

“Yes, sir,” Calum said politely.

I looked over my shoulder at my parents. “You done embarrassing me, now?”

“Never,” my dad smiled at me. “Have fun, don’t be out too late, okay?”

“Thanks,” I answered back through gritted teeth. “C’mon,” I said to Calum, walking past him to his car.

“It was nice meeting you Mr. and Mrs. Clifford,” Calum said before following me.

I didn’t need to look back to know my mom had that “Hmm, polite boy,” smile on her face. It was the same smile she had when she first met Ash.

“Sorry about that,” I apologized, once we got to his Jeep.

“Don’t worry about it,” Calum laughed, getting the door for me.

“I’ll try not to be too torn up about it,” I joked sarcastically. “So, where are we going?”

“Well,” he said, getting in on the driver’s side and starting up the car. “I put some serious thought into this. I figured the movie and dinner bit was overdone. Plus, what if you didn’t like the movie I picked? So, I thought we’d do something a little more adventurous.”

“Which is?”

“You’ll see,” he winked at me.

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Episode 11

We open in her magical apartment, shining white walls, CG gears floating like some sort of modern-art chandelier, and images of old scrolls hovering around, old manuscripts or what looks like a tapestry with the word ‘Walpurgis-’ on it. Seems Homura’s working on her (latest) plan to defeat the super-Witch and protect Madoka. One thing that struck me between these episodes is that the last time was probably the closest she’s ever gotten to saving Madoka from Contracting, until the Incubator made a last-minute offer while Homura was distracted fighting Walpurgisnacht. But maybe, just maybe, this time it could work? I mean, Madoka hasn’t Contracted, she knows how much of a dick the Incubator is, and has seen all her other friends die as Magical Girls. Maybe this will be enough to keep her away?

...oh who am I kidding. Madoka’s a Protagonist. She may be meek and scared, especially compared to Alpha Madoka, but when it comes down to it she overrules her fears and does what needs to be done, like when she threw away the chemicals in the warehouse. If she thinks that there’s something that she can do, she’s going to try her best to do it. Ugh. Admirable, but doomed to failure. “Time-traveler, Homura Akemi…” Well, look who it is, barging into Homura’s home at the eleventh-hour. What, are you going to brag about how your ‘perfect logic’ is going to prevail, that you still have claim to be the right side? Come on, Incubator, just try to convince me. “Your existence has answered at least one great mystery: Why is Madoka Kaname’s potential as a magical girl so abnormally vast?” ...wut? “You see, a magical girl’s potential is based on the weight of the karmic destiny she bears.” Oh. Oh, fuck. Homura was the cause. Alpha Madoka was a strong Magical Girl, but still lost to Walpurgisnacht. But each of the other timelines we saw, she survived up until she Witchified, didn’t she? I just put it down to Homura’s help, but if she was growing stronger and stronger… If each time Homura rewound time, all for the sake of one single person, reality after reality based around the lone girl Madoka Kaname… Multiple timelines, converging on one point, one person. All the ‘karmic destiny’ of the prior Madokas, concentrated into the next. In trying to save Madoka, Homura turned her into The One. “Excellent work, Homura. You’ve made Madoka into the most powerful witch we’ve ever seen.” Intro sequence. Well. That’s a thing. For what it’s worth, I paused to really read the lyrics of the intro song this time, and goddamn is it obvious now that it’s really Homura’s song. All the references to time, being stuck on a bad path? The songwriter must have been giggling like crazy when they played this in the early episodes. (Oh hey, it ended with the updated RADIO TOWER OF LIES with all five of the girls hanging out on top.) Ep 11: The Only Thing I Have Left to Guide Me A rainy day in Mitakihara City. Oh. “Sayaka Miki Funeral Service.” I guess the cops finally found her body. The school’s turned out for the service, and Madoka’s there with shaded eyes. She knows the truth, but can’t tell anyone. “Up next, the weather forecast.” Geez, show a little tact radioman! Sayaka makes it home, puts away her umbrella as her mother… uh oh. “About Sayaka’s case… Are you sure you don’t know anything about it?” Madoka claims ignorance and walks away. And the camera makes damn sure that we know Mother ain't buying any of it. Gulp. And now Madoka’s just sprawled on her bed, a blank look on her face. Her best friend and Kyoko are dead (what, no mention of Mami?). All because of- YOU. “It wasn’t exactly an unexpected outcome.” For crying out loud Incubator, give her some space, she just came back from the funeral of her best friend! Although knowing the Incubator, it’s taking this opportunity of a damaged emotional state to try and fill its quota sooner rather than later. Wait. Wait wait wait. What did you just say, Incubator? What the FUCK did you just say? “Then, for example, do you feel responsible for the deaths of livestock? Do you ever think about the process by which they become foodstuffs for you?” … “Because they are slated to become food for humans, livestock are fed and provided for all their lives, and given equal chance to reproduce free from natural selection. Cows, pigs, and even chickens have an overwhelmingly higher rate of survival in captivity than in the wild. So isn’t it actually a rather ideal, mutually beneficial relationship for you both?” Alright. Ok. *deep breath* First I’ll try to address the “eating other lifeforms” thing, then I’ll address why this analogy does not even come close to this situation. I’m an omnivore. I eat both meat and plant matter. I eat meat for several reasons, nutritional and ethical. It's not a perfect system, but it works and I consider it good. If it wasn't for the core flaw, I might even admit that the Incubator has a point in them being similar. But all of that is based on one single, fundamental fact: these creatures are not sapient. You can’t talk to them. Incubator, I’m going to bring something up called the Hierarchy of Foreignness (a system created in the Orson Scott Card “Ender’s Game” series). A general description is that it classifies groups or species based on both their species and ability to communicate, ranging from Utlanning (same species, easy communication) to Djur (different species, non-sapient). Note the communication aspect, that’s crucial. Sapience is a divisive subject, but I think we can all agree that if communication was possible between us and another species, if we could talk to them and they could rationally answer in kind then there’s no way in hell they would be on the menu. And yet, even though the Incubators can clearly communicate with us, even though they know that we are capable of reasoning, of storing and transmitting ideas, of generalization and abstract ideas… they still treat us as a resource. “Are you saying it’s the same between you and us?” “On the contrary, our treatment of humankind is much more respectful than your treatment of livestock. Perhaps it isn’t perfect, but we do acknowledge your species as sentient and try to deal fairly with you.” And there we go! Sentient, not sapient. Awareness, not reasoning. We raise cattle as livestock because it is the best solution and they are not sapient beings. You assholes stumbled across a rock full of sapient, rationalizing beings that you could communicate with and turned them into batteries. But wait, there’s more! The Incubator proceeds to show a horrified Madoka images of humanity’s history, from caves to castles. “We have intervened in your civilization’s development since prehistoric times. Countless girls throughout time have made Contracts with Incubators, had their wishes granted, and then ultimately succumbed to despair (images of woman I assume to be Cleopatra, based on pyramids and snakebite). Beginning in hope and then ending in a curse; that is the cycle that countless magical girls have repeated to this day. There are some who have wrought revolutions that changed history (Joan of Arc?), or elevated human society to new stages of development.” And so that gives you the right to harvest a thinking species, then? You set these girls on the path to destruction, get your precious emergy, and think we should be grateful for the privilege? Madoka breaks down into tears, cries about how they all trusted the Incubators. Who just claims that it wasn’t the Incubators who betrayed them, but their own prayers. That is the equivalent of saying “I gave them a box of matches, it’s not my fault they ended up burning down the house.” It goes on to argue that all hopes are Wishes for something other than the current reality, and anything that doesn’t match reality is bound to cause change. And of course, Change is Bad, so… “If they considered such a natural outcome to be a ‘betrayal’, they were wrong to have made wishes at all.” Really? Really, Incubator? So you’re saying that since change inevitably results in at least some negative outcomes, it’s wrong to try and enact change? Say, trying to prevent the natural heat-death of the universe? “Not that I’m calling them foolish.” Oh no, you’re just calling them acceptable, unintentional sacrifices. “If you understand now, why are you still holding the fates of a few individuals to be so precious?” Because they are individuals. Because the ending of a rational life, one that is denied a future of experiences and progress and chances to help other lives… Civilizations that exist based on the suffering of others are not worthy of the term. And the Incubators passed that line long ago. Madoka numbly looks up to the Incubator and asks if after all the time they spent watching over those girls they really feel nothing for them at all. The Incubator blithely retorts that if they could “understand suffering”, they wouldn’t need humanity in the first place. A society that treats emotion as a mental disease, to whom the concept of empathy for one another is foreign. Incubator, as surprised as you are that a world of individuals could move beyond the basest of conflicts, I am just as surprised that a species of a single mind could… no, I can’t say that I am surprised that a single focused mind could progress so far. But it is not a society that I would want to be a part of. The Incubator claims that if they had never come to Earth, then humanity would still be living naked in caves. I think you underestimate us. But even if that were true, it would be preferable to your schemes. ...I’m sorry, I can’t take anymore tonight.

*once again, needed an angry sleep to calm down* *calls for one final show prediction*

Well, my guessing has been so spot on so far, why stop now? This is the scenario we have, the elements leading into this finale: -Madoka has not Contracted -Homura knows her time travel has resulted in Madoka’s Protagonist Potential -Walpurgisnacht is inbound, which means bad times for Muggles -All the other MGs besides Homura are dead -Madoka’s Mom suspects that she’s hiding something about Sayaka -Homura is going to try and fight Wally on her own like last timeline, hoping that Madoka won’t Contract From this, I can see three possibilities: (Good Ending) Homura attempts to fight Walpurgisnacht on her own (because that worked so well last time). Brave, heroic, foolish Madoka intervenes, Wishes Mami (or best-case scenario Sayaka and Kyoko as well) back to life, and all the girls work together to destroy Wally. Homura is upset that Madoka still became a MG, but Madoka says that it’s her choice. All the girls will have to be careful, but knowing the risks of despair on their Soul Gems (and the other two/four keeping an eye on Mami so she doesn’t go all Spark-Hunter on them) they work to protect their city and prevent other girls from Contracting. Eventually all the Witches are exterminated, so no need to use up their Soul Gems anymore, they are locked away. Show ends with all three/five girls walking to class, another chance at normal lives. (Was just about to post this when I got the unpleasant realization that this is impossible. "Lock away the Soul Gems"? Wouldn't work. Damn. Ok, so best-case scenario the girls actively avoid using magic, but they still have to carry around this reminder. Still leagues better than where they are now, but... damn, even when I try to come up with a Good ending Urobuchi blocks me. ) (Feels Ending) Homura attempts to fight Walpurgisnacht on her own. Madoka intervenes, makes a Wish that Homura doesn’t hear, and destroys Walpurgisnacht. With her last words before she turns into a Witch, she asks Homura to not give into despair, and keep trying. Homura travels to another timeline, but when she gets there her shield shatters and her Soul Gem disappears. And when she gets to school, Madoka is nowhere to be found. (Urobutcher Ending) Madoka is about to go and try to help Homura, when her mother stops her with several men in uniform. Madoka is taken away for questioning about Sayaka, while the police car is stuck in traffic Walpurgisnacht attacks and destroys the car in passing. Homura tries to fight Walpurgisnacht, but loses like last time. Knowing that if she goes back again Madoka will be further tied up with Protagonist Potential, Homura gives up and her Soul Gem turns black. ...yep. So, so much fun coming up with these predictions. And even though for the last one I tried thinking of what could make me punch my screen, I wouldn’t bet that Urobuchi will find some way to top it. Ugh.

Still raining, scene change to a bar?

“It really does hurt, losing one of my own students this way…”

Oh. Ouch. Looks like the girl’s teacher is trying to cope. And she still doesn’t know what really happened to Sayaka, and we know that she never will. Add in a missing third-year student…

All they’ve got to go on is the fact that Sayaka was ‘quarreling’ with a friend over a boy. Aw jeez, Hitomi’s got to be in a bad spot right now, huh? Probably thinks that she drove Sayaka off? Kinda true, but not the whole story. Ten-to-one that the Incubator plans on paying a brown-haired girl a visit later.

So the cops are calling it “an accidental death, exacerbated by mental stress after running away from home.” So in other words, they’ve got no clue how she actually died. I suppose one’s soul turning into a Witch wouldn’t leave any real signs.

Oh, so Teach is talking with Mrs. Kaname! Should have realized when this convo took place in a bar. Heh, remember back when it was just jokes about Madoka’s Mom having to drink with her brotastic colleagues, and planning a coup of her department? Those were good times.

Uh oh. Mrs. Kaname’s admitting that she thinks Madoka knows something. But she also doesn’t seem like she’s lying… I think Mrs. Kaname’s thinking over that late-night advice on making a mistake for a friend. Madoka did say that a friend was getting into trouble. So much guilt being felt by all these secondary characters: Hitomi thinks she drove Sayaka away over Kamijo, Teach is worried about students going missing from school, Mrs. Kaname knew ‘a friend’ of Madoka’s was in a bad spot. Can’t say the blame falls fully on any of them, but I bet they feel like it does.

Mrs. Kaname bemoaning that for the first time, she can’t tell what Madoka is thinking. With things seeming off lately, she can tell something’s weighing on her but Madoka hasn’t talked about it. Understandable given the subject matter, but from Mother’s perspective Madoka doesn’t trust her anymore. And all she can do is trust Madoka.

Back at Homura’s place, doorbell? Oh, Madoka’s going to talk to Homura! She asks if all the floating diagrams are about Wally, says that Kyoko told her about the super-witch. Been a while since we last saw Kyoko, I can’t remember if that was onscreen on this is just establishing how Madoka could know about it.

Ah, seems Madoka’s here because she was told Wally is such a strong witch one person can’t beat it on their own. Homura was planning to team up with Kyoko… but then stuff happened. Madoka asks if Homura’s been planning on fighting it all this time, which gets an odd look from the time-traveler. Madoka rallies and asks if the city will be in danger.

Homura’s explaining that Walpurgisnacht is so powerful it doesn’t need to hide in a Labyrinth. If it manifests, thousands die. Muggles can’t see it, so they just think it’s caused by some natural disaster.

Madoka asks, or rather says that it absolutely has to be defeated… yup, Protagonist. Sorry, Homura, but I look at Madoka now and see someone who knows that there is a problem, and a way that she can help against it. With all the other girls gone, Homura will need help, so Madoka suggests that-

Homura cuts her off, insisting that she can do it on her own, claims that she never even needed Kyoko’s help. Yyyyeah, even Madoka knows that you’re bluffing. Then… oh! “I don’t know why, but I really want to believe in you, Homura. I don’t want to think that you’d lie to me.” Aw now you’ve done it Homura, you made Madoka cry. Feel the guilt. Feeeel it!

Urg, so many feels right now. Madoka’s crying because Homura is lying to her, and Homura’s clenching her fists and teeth because-

“I’m not even living in the same time that you are, Madoka!”

OUCH. Homura has broken down, rushed over and grabbed Madoka in a hug, our Protagonist is standing there very much off-guard. Cold, distant Homura is finally telling Madoka her story, that she’s from the future. That she’s met Madoka over and over, and each time had to watch her die.

“What do I have to do to save you? What do I have to do to change your fate?” She’s been redoing this month trying to find an answer. Yeah, not blaming you for your confusion Madoka, this is a big change from the Homura that you knew.

“I’m sorry… I’m not making any sense, right? I must seem horribly creepy, right?” Madoka’s known this Mysterious Transfer Student for barely a month, while Homura’s known Madoka for who knows how long. And for all Madoka is a kind and compassionate Protagonist, she really doesn’t know what do with this weepy girl.

“But to me… To me, you are…”

...well.

“The more times I redo all this, the further in time we drift from one another. Our feelings drift further apart, and my words don’t even reach you anymore. The truth is, I think I’ve been lost for a very long time now.”

“I will save you. That was the feeling that I started all of this with. And now, it is the only thing I have left to guide me.” Title drop! “It’s ok if you don’t understand. It’s ok if my words don’t reach you. But, please… Please… just let me protect you.”

...yup. That was one heck of a gut punch. I can say I understand the MadoHomu shippers now, that “To me, you are…” is all but a confession to me. However, I will still stand by my friendship interpretation because damnit my Ship of Death has killed off half the cast already, and I wanna see this girls live.

Cut to a dark and stormy sky, thunder and lightning. Some dudes are remarking that the thunderclouds are spreading at unbelievable speeds, call for an evacuation of the city. All the residents are getting ordered to their nearest shelters, and now the streets are empty.

Except for one person. A dark-haired girl in a school uniform, overlooking the water.

“It’s here.”

(For the record, as soon as I typed that the internet decided that “Eh, that’s a good place to crash”. Thankfully fixed it, but for a while there I was yelling at Wally for breaking my computer.)

Now we’re at a fancy building with lots of glass (as per the norm in this city), apparently it’s a gym of sorts that’s serving as a shelter, lots of families on green mats around the court. Not sure how much of a ‘shelter’ the building is with all the giant windows, let alone how it’s probably not Witch-proof, but better than everyone being at home I guess. Madoka’s family are at their own mat. Daw, been ages since I last saw the little brother and the Dad, Brother’s cute asking if they’re camping tonight and Dad saying it’s a great big group campout. But Madoka’s turned away from the rest of the family, clutching her knees. Taking bets on how long she lasts until she runs off to try and help, I’m giving it five minutes.

Back at Homura, colors are going monochrome, and a fog is spreading across the river. Once it reaches Homura she gives one last MST hair-flip, and starts walking. Wait, hold up, wasn’t she just behind a railing, facing the river? Is the fog a sign of warped reality so that the railing isn’t there anymore, or what?

Ah. Some sort of crayon rabbit-thing (not an Incubator, just has ears like a rabbit) just ran by Homura. Reality warping it is. And it just got stomped on by an elephant? Ok, looks like while Wally doesn’t have/need a labyrinth it does project a cirusy-vibe.

A lace curtain rises, and the music kicks in. A countdown begins. 5. 4. Buildings rise behind Homura. 2. The pastel circus passes by her. 1. Shattered buildings rise up and Walpurgisnacht looms from the clouds, an upside-down mannequin in a flowy dress with giant gears above.

The Future has arrived. Walpurgisnacht is here.

Homura launches into a quick transformation sequence (is this the first time we’ve seen her transform?), clicks her shield… and whoa that’s a lot of rocket launchers. No seriously, I am seeing dozens of RPGs and bazookas set up around her, how long did it take her to gather all of these?

So yeah, Homura’s starting off by freezing time and blasting dozens of explosives at Wally. Who just laughs a creepy echoey laugh and floats off breathing technicolor flames as Homura now runs about triggering mortars. That likewise seem to do no damage. Dang, even Homura’s early pipe bombs could destroy a Witch quickly, what’s Walpurgisnacht made of? Alright, will collapsing some metal towers on the Witch work? Nope. Now… do I hear a truck?

Abridged!Dio: “Look what I’ve got!”

Ok, the explosions keep coming as Homura drives a freaking tanker up the bridge into Wally’s face. And then ok what the hell, is that a sub? Did Homura just launch a freaking missile into this Witch? Half a dozen missiles? And then two that ram Wally into the industrial area? Sorry Mami, but as impressive as it was to see you summon a company-worth of muskets, I think Homura has you beat in firepower here.

Argh, but even after getting hit by friggin missiles Walpurgisnacht is still inta- oh, that’s a bomb. Oh, that’s a lot of bombs. OH, that’s a shitton of bombs!

But the music’s not stopping. It sounds like it’s building up, even. Aw crap, are you telling me that THAT wasn’t enough? Homura just blasted this thing into a building practically made of bombs, what more do you want?!

Crap, yeah. Homura just got struck by some sort of starry-whip, and Walpurgisnacht appears no worse for wear. Homura, I really hope you’ve got some more firepower stashed away.

All these explosions are shaking the shelter, Madoka’s parents are looking up at the ceiling worriedly and not saying anything. Madoka’s still off to the side, clutching her- wait, she just stood up. And said that she’s going to the bathroom. *Checks time, just under 3 minutes* Damn, even faster than I guessed.

Madoka’s looking out the (probably not storm-proof) giant glass windows at the pouring rain, and for crying out loud the Incubator is perched on the railing. She asks it if Homura was telling the truth about being able to face Wally on her own, the Incubator asks if she’d believe it anyways if it told her no. “At this point, explanations are pointless. You should go and see for yourself. See how well Homura Akemi is faring against Walpurgisnacht.” Manipulative to the end, aren’t you you little jerk.

It then proceeds to frankly say that Homura hasn’t given up hope yet. If she loses, then she can still turn back time, restart this ‘meaningless’ chain of events over and over. Because it’s no longer possible for her to stop or give up.

“The moment she acknowledges that everything she has done is pointless, and your fate is impossible to change, Homura Akemi will fall into despair and turn into a Grief Seed.”

Aw hell. The Urobuchi’s setting up Ending #3, isn’t he? Come on Homura, don’t fall to despair! You can’t give up on Madoka, even if you fail again this time you could still save the Madoka in the next timeline!

“So you’re saying that as long as she continues to hope, she can’t be saved?”

...no. No no NO. Do NOT do this to me, Urobuchi! I am begging you, do NOT make Ending #2 happen either! It doesn’t matter if Madoka Wishing for Homura to not be trapped in her quest to save Madoka would end the problem, if we end with either both girls dying or Madoka Wishing Homura free from the time loops, I am going to scream. Damn it, cut these girls a break!

Damn it. Madoka has dried her tears and is walking away. Either to lichdom to save another or to her death, I do not know. But away she goes.

Holy crap, Mom out of nowhere! She just grabbed Madoka’s hand.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Aw shoot, she’s confronting Madoka. If I see people in uniform show up I am going to break something.

Madoka says that she has to go save a friend, but Mother cuts her off and says to leave it to the firefighters. You know, the guys with rescue training that a middle-school girl doesn’t have.

Our Protagonist insists that it has to be her- oh! Mother just slapped her. “You don’t live your life just for yourself, understand?!”

But Madoka understands. She knows how much her mother and father care, because she loves her family too. And in order to protect them and her friend, she has to go somewhere else now.

Damn, props to Mother. Even not knowing everything that’s going on, even with such a terrible ‘storm’ outside, she says that she’s going with Madoka if she’s leaving. But Madoka says no, that she needs to stay and makes sure Father and Tatsuya stay safe.

“Mom, you told me you had raised me well. I don’t tell lies (*beyond not explaining Magical Girls*). I don’t do bad things. Will you believe in me now? Will you trust that I’ll do what’s right?”

Mother raises a hand. And then lowers it. And then launches Madoka forward with a pat on the back. Got to admit, for a second I thought that Madoka was going to fall down the stairs. What a way to end the show, right? But no, it’s a heartwarming moment between mother and daughter.

Back to Terrible Things! Walpurgisnacht is heading deeper into the city, Homura chasing while being surrounded by laughing starry MG-silhouettes. And of course Wally is heading for the shelter, as if this wasn’t bad enough already. If you’ve got anything left Homura, now’s the time to use it!

Um. Ouch. A building to the face has got to smart.

Aw crud, Homura’s foot is trapped. Is she…? Yup, she’s grabbing her shield, preparing to reset again. But if she goes back again, Madoka will get more tied up in MG potential.

No. No no no nope uh-uh NO. You do not get to give up now, Homura. You are not going to go Ending #3 and make Madoka have to fight two friggin Witches. Do NOT give up! No no NO

Madoka’s here.

“That’s enough. You’ve done enough, Homura.”

The music from the Future Dream/secondary credits has just started. The Incubator walks up beside Madoka.

“Madoka… you didn’t…!”

“Homura… I’m sorry.”

And credits.

After-credits picture of all five magical girls.

“If someone says it’s wrong to have hope, then I’ll tell them they’re wrong, every single time. And I know I’ll always tell them so.”

Final Episode: My Very Best Friend

*phew* Ok, we got way too close to Ending #3 there for me. And it’s clear that Madoka is going to make a Contract and become a MG to fight Walpurgisnacht. The only question now is what she’s going to Wish for.

I have to re-evaluate #2 now, given the after-credits line about Madoka always saying it’s wrong to give up hope. I can’t see someone who says that ending Homura’s quest, even with good intentions. So it’s more likely that Madoka will make the Wish about this timeline and just give Homura the inspiring speech, that just because this timeline didn’t work out that doesn’t mean she should give up on the future. So maybe a Wish like “I Wish I had the power to save this city from Walpurgisnacht”, or best-case “I Wish for my friends back to help me fight Walpurgisnacht”, and when Madoka runs out Homura leaves for the next timeline. And so we end with another failure, but hope that someday Homura will succeed.

*Sigh* Well, whatever happens next, bittersweet or just bitter, it’s been a trip. Thank you all for joining me in this WMTW, I will hope beyond hope that Homura will find peace someday.

[dragonindigo245]

Project [Redacted]

Heyo!!! This is a WIP story I'm doing with the amazing @pawton-meowity! Hope you enjoy! The odd numbered chapters will be posted on their Tumblr while the even ones will be on mine. Feel free to request to be added to the tag list for updates! Thanks! 💚🖤💚

Tw: Tramatic flashbacks

————

Chapter 4: P.O.V of Virgil

“I have just the thing for you.” I felt the inside of my hoodie pocket with a smile creeping across my face. Logan raised an eyebrow as I pulled out what they would probably assume to be a bracelet.

“I have a few extra of these. They hide your powers from detectors at the cost of nullifying them. As long as they don’t know your face then they won’t know it’s you they’re after. Course you’ll probably have to wear long sleeves to hide them because the uh.. ‘burn brothers’ know what they are. You’re alright Princey but Logan and Patton need to wear a hoodie or something.” When I explained this, Patton sucked in a large breath of air and fiddled with his hands.

“Ah well… that’s a problem… you see I’m in nursing school so we kinda… ya know… need our sleeves up sometimes.”

Well shit. This is going to be harder than I thought. I pondered for a few moments debating over to risk it and have him wear the nullifier unless he was doing hands on stuff or to have him go without until I can build him one to go somewhere else than his wrist. Course life isn’t just simple enough to let us get away with this. Of fucking course it isn’t.

“Language Virge!! My my, your mind is like the plague!” Remus said amused.

Gee thanks Remus. Totally needed that.

“You’re welcome! Seriously though! Nasty boy... I love it!” I rolled my eyes at this and decided to go with the first option.

“Alright Pat, just take off the nullifier when you need to do something like that. Otherwise it needs to stay on. That goes for you too, Logan. Do NOT take it off unless you need to hide it. If you take it off then you can and will be spotted. You’ll be surprised how they can find you.”

Patton and Logan both nodded in agreement. Thankfully they were easier to work with than Princey. I stood up and walked across the room to the dresser I had full of gadgets. Agh I can never remember which drawer they’re in. Nope that one's teleporters… weaponry… there we go. I pulled an extra nullifier out and closed the drawer. Patton received the one I had in my hoodie pocket while Logan got the one from the dresser.

“Keep alert. The nullifier can only do so much. There are other ways of finding you they can exploit. Do not use technology to talk about your powers unless you’re in need of help. Do not talk to anyone you do not trust about your powers. And above all do not use your powers outside of the forest or your rooms. They have eyes everywhere.” Patton nodded slowly and slightly spooked.

“What… what do we do if we get found out? I don’t want another… Logan incident. I’m sure none of us want to get… s-shot at.” This poor kid really shouldn’t be in this mess of all people. He looked ready to crumble.

“If you’re found out we’ll drop whatever we are doing and come to your location but… if you are found out then you’re either going to get captured or you’re going to have to hide for the rest of your life.” Patton winced and pulled his legs to his chest. Logan, on the other hand, seemed deep in thought but otherwise unphased. He was evidently hard to scare.

The room sat in an uncomfortable silence (minus Remus humming) for a little while. I was frankly shocked more over Roman keeping his mouth shut for so long. Well that can be used to lighten the mood at least.

“No witty comment from Disney Wince? Finally coming to grips with the reality of our situation?” I moved over to my original spot on the couch and watched Roman try to form a sentence.

“I… Can I ask… no scratch that. I-” Remus cut in, highly energetic but clearly a bit frazzled.

“Oooo! You wanna know what would happen if any of you three got captured? Well first they-” Thankfully Dee shut Remus down real quick by holding a finger up to Remus’s mouth. Thank god, I don’t want to think about that.

“Virgil Nimbus… age 21… how the hell did this kid get in here?”

“He snuck in to free some of our subjects. He almost got subjects D3D31T and R3M7 out. Luckily we got one of our men to shoot him before he did any real damage. He should be waking up soon.”

“Good. We needed more participants.”

“Ah there he is! Hello Virgil. We have a lot to discuss. For starters… how did you get in here? Don’t bother trying to fight, our truth serum is very good at its job.”

“I… I disguised myself as one of the soldiers.”

“Mhm… well we can’t have that happening anymore. Prepare the machines!!! Don’t worry Virgil. After some time you’ll learn to accept this. Some results even showed patients growing numb to it if they’re lucky.”

Can’t think. Stupid drug thing. What’s happening?

“Attach ‘em to him and be sure it’s not so high he blacks out immediately. There’s a point to this and we mustn’t let it go to waste.”

Strapped. Can’t move.

“Don’t bother to fight it Virgil. You’ll be mostly immobile for the whole session.”

Weird things. Attaching to me.

“We’re ready to begin.”

“Good, on my mark. Three… two… one… begin.”

“Agh sorry. I know I shouldn’t ask that out of nowhere… I mean… was it bad? I don’t want my friends to get hurt or have an unfortunate demise.” Roman attempted to correct himself, the words bringing me back to the present as I stifled a gasp. Remus shoved Deceit’s hand away and waved him off.

“Ehhhh they won’t kill ya unless you threaten their lives! Don’t exclude yourself though! They would gladly take you in if they knew you were working with supes! Look at Virgey here!” Remus placed a hand on my arm which made me flinch probably more than he was expecting. He immediately removed his arm and shot me an apologetic look before perking back up like normal. His apologies weren’t exactly the best but at least he cared… as best as he could anyways.

My mind tuned the conversation out to jumbled noises. I just couldn’t deal with anything so… extra right now. I inserted random song lyrics into my head to get my mind off of this. Thankfully I had a few songs memorized and shuffled through those to drown out my other intrusive thoughts.

Hey edgelord, sorry to intrude on your thoughts (not really) but they’re talking about how they’ve missed a class and are working their way towards the whole “we gotta go” sentence.

Crap.

“I’m probably in a decent amount of trouble myself. We should consider leaving… wherever we are to head back. Thank you for your hospitality, you three. I would like to inquire how we make our way back.” Logan pushed. I stretched and turned to the nerd. “We’re on campus. We actually go to your college ourselves. It isn’t hard to figure out where exactly we are.”

Princey stood up dramatically and bowed. “Well then we bid you good tidings weirdos. We shall grant you our phone numbers and depart!” I rolled my eyes and smirked.

“Wow. I thought you couldn’t get more extra but boy was I wrong. You surprise me by being an annoying, spoiled kid.”

Roman made a noise that could only be described as an offended drama queen half gasp, half screech. Honestly I don’t even know how his vocal cords allow him to do that. “EXCUSE me? Annoying?!? Kid?!? How dare you! I am neither of those! Just because you have your fancy gadgets and knowledge on the comic book villains doesn’t mean you can undermine my glory, Cruella De Vile!”

“Notice how he didn’t say he wasn’t spoiled…” Logan mumbled under his breath.

“Did you insult me, Specs or are you siding with the honorable Roman?”

“Guys! Stop fighting! Come on!” Patton intervened. “Let’s just be friends and get prepared to leave! We already missed choir practice and I need to get ready for my final class! You all do too!”

Roman sighed and said something inaudible, most likely an apology. “Let’s just hand over our numbers and get outta here. I don’t think I can be in the same room as Captain Shook and still have enough edgy nicknames left.” I rolled my eyes and grabbed my phone out of my pocket.

“Yeah yeah, you just wanna leave because I can knock you and your ego down a few notches.” I pulled up my phone number, ignoring Princey and his new offended noises. I handed him my phone and he whipped his out while glaring at me. Yeah that’s about what I expected. He finally handed my phone back and shoved his in a pocket.

“I added Patton and Logan in already. You can text me their numbers later.” Roman hiked a thumb in Dee and Remus’s direction on his usage of the word ‘their,’ before turning back to his friends, “Come on you two. Thanks for backing me up LOGAN.” Logan didn’t indulge Roman by saying anything and instead helped Patton off the couch.

“Thank you so much everyone! It was nice to meet you all! I just wish we could have met under better conditions!” Patton said cheerfully. Everyone said their goodbyes and left the three of us like I preferred. Nobody but the ones I could trust.

“Greetings Virgil! How are we today?”

“...”

“Ah. That is a beautiful silence. Maybe today will be the day you can get your special abilities! Wouldn’t that be exciting?”

“...”

“Well not exciting for you I suppose but you’ve learned that by now. Do you have anything to say before we begin?”

“...”

“I didn’t think so. Proceed as normal.”

Hey. Virgil. Snap out of it buddo.

“Wait… please… I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Excellent. Cancel that last order. A willing subject is a loyal subject. Isn’t that right Virgil?”

Virge! Hey! Damn it, get out of your head.

“...”

“Now then. The real fun begins. Get him strapped down and prepare for trial number one.”

VIRGIL!

I jolted out of my thoughts to find myself on the floor with Dee crouching down to me. Didn’t know how I ended up here but I didn’t particularly want to know.

“Thank you Remus.” Dee said to where I assume Remus was. Dee moved to sit next to me and wrap an arm around my shoulder. I wasn’t not grateful for that but something made me flinch away. Dee recoiled his arm immediately with an apology.

We sat quietly before Dee turned to me with a serious expression. “Virgil. You should talk to us about this. You haven’t told us anything that we can use to help you. We know they’re-”

“It’s fine.”

“You’re on the floor.”

I shrugged and pulled my knees up to my chest. “It’s still fine. I can handle it.”

Dee glared but didn’t push farther. Instead he pushed the subject to a different one. “You know… with an extra three that does mean…”

“No. No way. We are not doing that.”

“I’m just saying it’s an option.”

“We’re not going to put them in danger like that. You saw what they would do to them. They’re scared enough as is.”

“And if we don’t take the chance you know they’ll get caught. They all do.”

“They won’t stand a chance fighting them either. They aren’t experienced in fighting obviously.”

“Virgil… Is this really even about them or are you just afraid?”

“I’m NOT afraid. I’m over that.”

“Just think about it.”

Dee stood up and took a worried glance at me again before leaving the room. I was alone again with nobody but my thoughts.

“Hey… You’re the one who tried to free us that one night.”

“...”

“I have a plan to release everyone in here. It won’t be simple but we can do it. Are you in?”

“...”

“Look… I know they are… intimidating but we can get out of here. My names-”

[rosebennett28]

Can't catch a break - Part 3

Pairings: Bucky x OFC Josephine Buchater

Summary: Josephine has to spend more time with the man she despises and tries to make the most out of it. (Angst)

A/N: The song I had in mind and that's mentioned is Rihannas Pour it up (RL Grime Remix).

After her outburst she ran away and decided to never come back. That was of course until Steve had found her in a motel the same night and quite literally forced her to come back with him, telling her she was his family and that he was taking her home.

What they would never tell the team was that Steve had found her having a seizure. Which was the only reason she agreed to coming back with him. She needed the medication Bruce had made for her.

It was three in the morning when they arrived at the tower. Steve brought Josephine to the medical ward and alerted Bruce.

Rounding the corner she could see someone laying in one of the beds. She stopped dead in her tracks until Steve gripped her upper arm and told her she had to take responsibility for her actions.

Luckily for her Bruce came out of the adjacent room with a vial of her medication and told her to be more careful in taking it.

Nodding she took the vial and turned to leave when Steve spoke up.

"I think you have some unfinished business to take care of.", he tilted his head to the side in the direction of the man lying in the bed.

Steve gave her a look that told her she shouldn't even try to mess with him. "I'll be close by.", he told her and motioned for Bruce to come with him and left her alone with Bucky who was now very much awake.

When she took a closer look at him she could see that he had stitches done on his eyebrow and lip with the rest of his face covered in horrid bruises.

Well fucking deserved.

Looking down to her feet she could feel herself being encircled by guilt. She didn't understand why. After all he had done exactly the same to her in another life, only that she had no one to take care of her injuries.

She must have been absent for quite a while because it was Bucky who sat up and softly said: "You know you don't have to do this, you can go. I won't tell Steve."

To that she simply scoffed which didn't surprise him. At this point he was sure she would hate him no matter what he did. Still he looked at her in confusion waiting for her response.

"That doesn't make you a good person.", she challenged coldly, crossing her arms.

"I know. Nothing will ever make up for what I did. Especially to you.", he added the last part softly, unsure of how she was going to react.

She dropped her arms to the sides and turned her head harshly to look at him.

"Do you even remember me?", she asked now much calmer to his surprise.

"At first I didn't recognize you. You looked so different when I first met you. But the eyes. They never change.", he explained to Josephine who was now standing closer to him in a less defensive pose.

"How could you do this to me?", she asked just as slowly, much more quietly.

His shoulders slumped forward and he inhaled deeply before he answered. "I ask myself everyday."

Bucky stood up and slowly walked up to her. She hated how he made her feel so small. It reminded her of a life she wanted to forget.

"I know you will never trust me or believe me, but it was Hydra. They made me do those things. I would never have done this to you by choice.", he pleaded.

"Well, don't think you're special. They did the same to me. And no one will ever trust us because of it."

"Josephine, I would do anything to undo what has been done-". She hated the way he said her name.

"But you can't. You can't go back to not break every single one of my ribs and choke me until I black out. You can't go back to the day you decided to leave on your own and leave me with Rumlow. You left me in that cell to rot because you are a selfish piece of shit and no apology in the world will give me back my life.", she spat at him with tears of anger in her eyes, her hands clenched in fists at her sides.

"I will do anything to protect you now-", he started but she could not and would not let him finish.

"Don't think you can just walk in here and think you can make a difference. I can get by my own. Always have. We don't need you. I don't need you."

He took a step closer much to her dismay.

"No, don't you dare.", she backed off and out of the room. Walking by Steve without granting him a look she told him she was going to go to sleep.

After the incidences Josephine tried to stay out of his way and avoid any further arguments, but it was hard for her. Bucky always looked at her in a way that she herself defined as pity and it drove her insane. Still she tried dodging him. It was a successfull mission of hers until she was called into the conference room the team held the briefings for missions in.

Tony and Steve were there, waiting for her. As she entered the room she noticed Bucky was following her into the room.

"What is this about?", she said crossing her arms in suspicion.

"Joe take a seat.", Tony said rolling his eyes.

"I will, when you tell me what the fuck this is about."

"As you know the team leaves today for two seperate big missions. And you were supposed to leave for yours tomorrow. But there was a change of plan and Natasha won't be able to go with you.", Steve started.

"Good, I will do just as good without her then.", Josephine interposed.

"No... you won't. This mission is more dangerous than you realize. You can't go by yourself. And the only person that is free and coincidentally knows the layout of the Hydra area as good as you is our metal friend.", Tony carried on Steves thought in a parental tone.

Josephine turned around to face Bucky who looked severely uncomfortable and said: "Okay."

Bucky raised his eyebrows so quickly she thought they might fall off.

"If you're part of the team the least you can do is do your part isn't it?", she stated.

Both of them were briefed and split to pack their bags. A mediocrely inconspicuous car was already parked outside the tower for them to drive to the low-profile shabby hotel Josephine knew too well.

In the morning she exited the tower without looking for Bucky who was surprisingly early and already waiting for her downstairs.

Bucky wasn't surprised to see her displeased with him so early on already.

"Just because you're early doesn't mean you get to drive. Got that?", she said opening the trunk and placing her duffel in it, leaving it open for him.

With a simple yes Bucky took a seat next to her, putting on his seatbelt, to which she looked at him with a ridiculing look. Bucky shrugged, dropping the subject.

Jospehine turned on the radio, not being able to stand the silence.

She deliberately turned the music up so loud that she knew it would annoy him. Bucky didn't really understand this part of the future. The music wasn't focused on lyrics but rather bass and electronic elements.

So he was astonished to say the least as she switched to an oldies channel, singing along to Paul Ankas Put your head on my shoulder from start to finish.

She had been driving for three hours when she pulled up to a gas station. She left to go to the bathroom without saying a word and came back without getting in the car.

"I'm getting some coffee.", she stated and added "You want some?" after a moment of pondering.

"Yeah, sure, thanks.", Bucky answered gratefully.

She came back a few minutes later positioning herself behind the steering wheel again as dawn broke. Bucky was smart enough not to ask her if he should go from here.

Another couple of hours later they arrived at the motel. To her relief Tony had booked two rooms for once.

With a simple nod they parted ways once more.

An hour later Bucky knocked at Josephines door to ask her for the tablet that contained the briefing he wanted to go over again. She had said to come in but when he opened the door he was met with the sight of her back, only wearing black underwear she was shuffling in her bag and pulled out a black garment that she slipped on.

When she turned around she noticed that Bucky was quite obviously staring at her.

"Take a picture it'll last longer.", she said turning to the vanity to put on lipstick.

"Where are you going?", he blankly asked.

"Well, Daddy I'm a big girl now so it's none of your business, now is it?.", she stated sarcastically.

"You're going to compromise the mission."

"No, I'm not. So if you'll excuse me.", she said and tried moving past him. She didn't expect that Bucky would grap her arm, trying to stop her.

"I'll go with you."

"The hell you are.", she spat at him breaking away from his grasp.

"How do you want to stop me?", he challenged her.

Rolling her eyes she demanded that he at least changed his clothes, telling him that he looked like the love child of a hobo and the salvation army.

When Bucky had changed she drove the both of them to the nearest club.

Entering Bucky didn't dare to look at the women, making Josephine chuckle. The hall was dark except for a few red lights flagging the path. The beat was throbbing in his ears, it was so loud that even he could barely hear Josephine.

"Welcome to the 21st Century, James.", she cheered.

"They are not decent.", he said peering down at the floor.

"They are payed for that.", Josephine said leading Bucky to the bar.

She ordered two shots of vodka. Holding up one of the miniscule glasses she waited for Bucky to follow her lead. After they chugged the drinks she ordered two glasses of whiskey.

Wordlessly she took a seat in front of a pole. Bucky reluctantly took a seat right when the song changed.

Money on my mind

Money on my Mind

All I see is signs

All I see is dollar signs

As the woman in front of them starting dancing it wasn't her that Bucky watched it was Josephine.

"So are you... into women?"

"You don't have to be into women to appreciate the female beauty.", she pointed out sipping on her drink.

Quickly she pulled out a bill from her decollete and made a come-hither motion while she smirked deviously at the dancer. Josephine whispered in her ear as she looked at Bucky.

While the dancer positioned herself over Buckys lap she tucked the bill in her panties. Winking at Bucky who looked rather appalled she left whilst downing the rest of her drink.

[silversunshine2012]

Something to Think About

Disclaimer before we start:  I started writing this because I was bored and got inside my own head a little bit and had to get it out.  There is some talk about religion and politics in here.  Most of this is speculation and observations, but near the end it does get more heated and, depending on your pov, more patriotic.  I don’t normally talk politics, religion, etc, because I don’t want to get into an argument or offend anyone.  So I usually keep my mouth shut.   Please know that I am not trying to start a fight whatsoever.  This is just something I wanted to share that I’ve been writing for about 3-4 hours now instead of doing my school/homework in which I ask you to think.  We don’t think as much as we should and we take things that we read and hear online and on the news, etc. for granted and don’t always fact-check because we’re lazy.  I also want to ask you to think before you read this.  If you think that you will probably get offended by reading this because it has more than just your point of view in it, then please dont read it.  Please just move on with your day and don’t worry about little ole me and whatever over-thinking bs my brain comes up with.  Also, if you do choose to read it, please excuse any and all digressions.  I have a lot up here..

           You know something interesting about the Pledge of Allegiance?  We always say it the same exact way, every single time, like a kid’s song almost.  Like, okay, try something for me.  I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all.  How did the voice in your head read that?  Did you hear: “I pledge allegiance..to the flag..of the United States of America..and to the republic, for which it stands..one nation..under God..indivisible..with liberty and justice for all”?  It’s like how we see the lyrics to a kid’s song we’ve heard all our lives and we inevitably hear the tune in our head too.  Like this, “I’m a little tea pot, short and stout…”  Now you’re hearing the whole rest of what you can remember of the song, right?  But if you were to listen to someone who’s never heard this before (“this” referring both to “I’m a Little Teapot” and the Pledge of Allegiance) read the words aloud, it would sound very different.  

           But the thing is, the way we’ve always said the pledge is actually how we have to do it in order to stay in sync with one another.  Whenever a large group of people are all reading the same passage together as one, they pause every few words even when, grammatically, you wouldn’t pause there in the sentence.  And they do this because it makes it ten times easier to know exactly where everyone around you is in the passage so that everyone can collectively follow along.  We say it as if it were a song with no tune and a very boring rhythm.  And with the Pledge of Allegiance especially, because we’ve said it ever since we can remember, and because we’ve always said it the exact same way every single time, we always say it the exact same way every. Single. Time.  I’m being redundant to make a point here.  We don’t just say it the way you would read it, even when we’re saying it by ourselves and there’s no one else to stay in sync with.  And because we say it the same exact way every single time, and because we’ve said it almost every single day since we can remember, the words themselves lose meaning..  

           Like, really, we’re “pledging” or promising our “allegiance” or loyal commitment to a fuckin FLAG first off, which in and of itself seems weird to promise to be loyally committed to a symbol, regardless of what it represents to begin with.  Yes, we’re also pledging our loyalty to the republic it stands for, the US democracy and the Constitution and Bill of Rights that it is both bound to and based on, but all that comes after pledging loyalty to the symbol itself.  Also, it says that the nation stood as one under God, which meant that the founding fathers were Christian to begin with, something we also see clearly in the Declaration of Independence.  “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal and are endowed by their Creator with certain, unalienable rights.”  Then it goes on to say that this one nation is “indivisible,” cannot be divided, which refers to the how the colonies had to unite as one against the British forces during the Revolutionary War, the very point Ben Franklin was trying to make when he said, “We must all hang together, or most assuredly we will all hang separately,” and the political cartoon with the snake cut into pieces that says “Join, or Die.”

However, the way it’s worded seems to suggest that the nation can only be and remain indivisible if it is and remains under God.  Same with “with liberty and justice for all.”  The wording suggests that the nation can only have liberty and justice for all if it remains under God.  

           Something else i find interesting is that, the Bible says in Matthew 5 (I suggest starting in verse 43 if you want to fact check me on this) to “love your neighbor as yourself” and also specifically says “you must also love your enemy” because “If you only love those who love you, what reward will you get?”   Basically, it says to love everyone, because God loves everyone, because God made everyone.  And yet, many people have only experienced hate from Christians because, well first off no one is perfect, but also because there are just some people who are so stubborn and who only see rules, rule-followers, and rule-breakers, rather than people and guidelines for protection, which is what they were meant to be in the first place.  And it’s sad that there are people who use a book that is supposed to be filled with love and use it to spread hate.

           Also, going back to what I was saying before, when we repeat something over and over and over again, it loses its meaning for us.  Like all those little pearls of wisdom we’ve heard a thousand times like, “If at first you don’t succeed..” “The grass in always greener..” “Plenty more fish in the sea” “Blood is thicker than water.”  Those aren’t as meaningful and wise as some, but they were just as irritatingly familiar.  When it comes to the Pledge of Allegiance, we don’t necessarily know what we’re pledging to anymore.  The founding fathers made it so that the government would be subject to change in the future so that it could stand the test of time, and each new generation that became more aware of injustices in our country than the last would be able to speak up and change it.  The nations, groups, religions, societies, etc. that survive the longest are the ones that can adapt to each new generation that comes into it, can adapt to each new struggle it goes through as a whole, etc.

           And, again, going back to the repeating thing, it’s the same with the national anthem.  How many times have you just stood and sang the national anthem as if it was just “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”?  How many Americans don’t even know what part of the war the song is talking about? How many Americans have never even seen this video or at least heard the story about how these people died holding up the goddamn flag because they knew that if it fell, the British side would win.  How many Americans actually realize that the implications behind the Pledge of Allegiance are, at least in part, referring to this story?!  The reason we pledge LOYALTY to the flag today, is because OUR ANCESTORS pledged and either RISKED or GAVE their LIVES just protecting the FUCKING FLAG and MAKING SURE that it never FELL because THEY KNEW, if THAT flag HIT THE GROUND, it would all be over.. FREEDOM would LOSE.  DEMOCRACY would FALL.  AMERICA would DIE, before it even truly began.  If that flag fell, nothing we have here today would be the same.  

           We pledge our loyalty to that flag to honor those that died keeping it upright.  We stand for both the Pledge of Allegiance and the National Anthem because of their sacrifice.  We do not KNEEL, because doing so would DISRESPECT and DISREGARD ALL the sacrifices made by those that would rather “die standing” than “live on [their] knees.”  We STAND up for what we believe is right and rally together as one voice to be heard so that we can make a change. 

           BUT we also sit, and listen, and work together.  We don’t just talk, because when everyone talks, no one listens.  When no one listens, we yell louder.  The louder we yell, the more things escalate.  Peaceful protests turn into two, warring, angry mobs.  Then next thing you know someone gets in their car and plows through both mobs killing 20-some-odd people.  

           We are turning to violence.  Violence among ourselves.  More and more, we are considering ourselves white, black, hispanic, straight, lgbtq+, Christian, athiest, areligious, etc. etc.  More division.  More distancing.  More disarray.  More dehumanizing.  Just a never-ending downward spiral of hate and bickering.  

           This, however, is not new.  Like I mentioned above, the colonies had to purposefully unite as one. Before they preferred to consider themselves Virginians, Georgians, Pennsylvanians, etc.  They had to come together as AMERICANS before they had any chance of winning the war.  

           We today, must learn to do the same.  Yes, there are some shitty people out there.  Yes, there are people who have only had bad experiences with a certain group of people, and so the logical conclusion based on the data they have is that all people within that group are asshats.  However, we need to remember, there are shitheads in every category we have made up for grouping together humans we don’t know, as well as the fact that there are nice people out there in each of those categories too.

           If you did take the time to read this, thank you.  

[dragonofyang]

Some ramblings under the cut because my mind is swirling with words once more lol

So I discovered recently that Love Never Dies is the sequel to my most favorite musical of all time Phantom of the Opera, and I went to see it last week and I was utterly blown away. But the problem is that it’s making one of the things that frustrates me most about myself resurface. I’m a very passionate and easily-impassioned person. Get me in the right mood on the right subject and I can rant and rave and cry delights and horrors over a single subject, and yet I can barely muster the passion to argue in an academic setting even if it’s a subject I’m well-versed in. I am easy to drag into fandoms if I meet somebody passionate about it, I am forming a fandom for a book my friend isn’t even done writing yet because they are passionate for it. They light up when they talk about it and because of that I want nothing more than to build the fandom for it myself and share its glories with the world. My goal for that book as a fan is to be able to cosplay the main character as he appears in their art and in the book, and to show people the magic of the world they’re writing and the characters they’re bringing to life. I’m either 100 or 0 and there’s hardly a true in-between, and I’ve met plenty of people capable of it but what is it to be effectively “in like” with something rather than “in love”? What is it to not be bowled over in beauty or disgust by a work of art? My emotions run wild and I see so much of my creative energy in the Phantom, but I also see myself in Christine because I desire nothing more than to have a taste of that wild beauty that runs through somebody’s mind and informs their own work, to meet somebody so capable of passion and creation that it’s a sublime wonder comparable to the spires of a mountain range cutting the sky or the interior of a gilt church, shimmering in rainbows of sunlit glass. The lyrics of “Beauty Underneath” sum up how it feels perfectly for me to be swallowed by a new passion, right down to the feverish tempo that makes my heart race at the thought of being able to just make something new, unfettered by fear or anxiety, to let my imagination run wild and beg of my hands to create what resides in my mind’s eye.

The problem with being so easily-impassioned, especially by music, is that it’s ultimately addictive and I know it’s not good for me to get swept up in something when I have other obligations like school. On the one hand I should’ve known better than to watch Love Never Dies right before classes started up again because POTO has this incredible ability to flip that switch on and tape it there so I can’t shut down the part of my mind/attention that begs to be let loose. On the other hand, I’ve gotten to make some truly amazing things so far by riding that level of creative mania. I wrote like 80k words for a fanfiction I’ve since abandoned (grew out of it and lost general steam because I was dissatisfied with it), I’ve made entire cosplays using nothing but the manic energy provided by the music, and back when I played violin nothing could stop me if I got into the mood. It’s a positive feedback loop unlike any other in my life and as much as I love it, I hate the timing of such bursts and drives. I just started my semester, my final semester I might add, and so distractions are detrimental. I didn’t even move my sewing machine up to my apartment so I wouldn’t have the temptation to procrastinate on school via cosplay.

I feel like I’m starving.

I can’t talk with my parents about it, especially in terms of my latest hobbies. They don’t understand the allure of cosplay beyond a potential money-making business, nor do they understand convention culture. They think going in costume to a Ren Faire is weird, I can’t debate character development or plots with them or tell them about the cool things that English does when it’s not being a fucking trainwreck of a language. Don’t get me wrong, they indulge me and finance my cosplays a lot and listen if it’s clear I’m not gonna stop talking about something, but their eyes glaze over and they don’t pay much, if any, attention to anything after the first 10 seconds. To them, my love of dragons is strange and a remnant of my childhood, my anger at poor character development is a silly response, they don’t see the potential in a dress like I do. They don’t see the beauty in language the way I do, or at least to the extent I do, anyway. They don’t have the need for the beauty underneath, if you will. That all sounds edgy af, I know, but I feel like we’re talking in two different languages, which technically we are in terms of vernacular and subculture, but when I see no visible effort to respond what else am I supposed to think other than they have no care to understand my passions? It’s frustrating, and tbh I’m always a little afraid of going too far into the mania, both for myself and for my friends who’ve seen me get like this before. They understand better and I love them all the more for it, but at the same time I don’t want to frighten them with walls of text waxing poetic about my love for things or make them feel they don’t have a place to contribute or respond because I can’t get my mind to shut up long enough to listen to them. It’s also not healthy averaging 4 hours of sleep in the morning before working like a madwoman at a sewing machine. It’s a flaw that I’m steadily improving upon, and I think making costumes for my friends has helped a lot, because yes I have this crystal-clear image of what I want and think looks lovely, but my comfort and fashion senses are not what will be wearing the finished garment. So it forces me to quiet the part of me that insists it must be done one way so that I can listen to my friends and understand what they want and feel comfortable in. It’s good practice, but it’s hard. It’s gotten easier since I first started forcing myself to slow down and take a breath, but it’s still a struggle.

I’ve added Phantom and Christine to my future cosplay list, because ever since I was young the aesthetic of the Phantom has always appealed to my sense of the dramatic and Gerard Butler’s portrayal of him in the 2004 movie gave me such an appreciation for him as a character and design inspiration. If I could wear suits like that all the time I’d be happy tbh, there’s nothing better than a well-made tuxedo. I’ve drawn an elf dress that’s floated in my mind for months now. I’ve designed 12 garments based on the zodiac. By the time I graduate I’ll probably have walls covered in future outfits or projects I want to undertake. But the problem is that as much as I want nothing more than to drop everything and sew late into the night, only stopping because I fell asleep at my machine or remember to eat for once, I know better and won’t. The problem is that because of my overwhelming desire to make something, not having something to make is making me feel like I’m starving. Listening to music quells the desire somewhat, but it’s very hit and miss for me what kinds of songs will soothe my mind and what ones will inflame me into an even greater need.

Writing this has actually helped a lot because I can actually look and see my thoughts, rather than have the words bouncing around in my head like fucking rubber balls bouncing down a California street. I might yearn for human closeness, that emotional bond that so many have and that I once had but lost, I’m starting to wonder if anything short of raw and unadulterated passion for something will ever be satisfying to me. Romance is more appealing than the concept of sex, but only just, especially when I’m hit with bouts like this. I don’t know why. I see myself in Christine, but I have to wonder if in a way I’m the Phantom seeking an opera house of my own in which to craft masterpieces.

I just need to make something, something grand and beautiful that stimulates my mind and hands and grants me satisfaction to see completed. I want this kind of creative mania to come to me when I’m not burdened by school or work, or at least come at a time when I have more time and space to devote to such extracurriculars. Maybe I should take something strange like a glass-blowing class, take up the violin again, learn piano, get a singing tutor and practice singing again. I don’t know what it’ll take to calm the thunderous nature of my mind when I’m hit with passions like this, I never do. I just need to be able to rein it in enough that I can focus on classwork and hopefully direct some of that passion into my schooling. I’ve done it before, but like sudoku puzzles the answers are always different. I mean this in the best of ways but sometimes I wonder how my friends put up with my nonsense, because I get hit with often wildly-conflicting or rapidly-changing passions. I love them for it, though, and when my moods become truly terrible they’re always there to ground me and put some sense into me, because it’s so hard to come back into myself when I’m angry or excited.

[shultzing]

7/29/2018: did i already say how much of an angel this guy is

8/13/2018: i’m so mad that i’m dating someone so much cuter than me. i never intended for this to happen. my type is usually men who are just above average looking, which I was happy with. now, i have to constantly think about how i look bc I know everyone around us has GOT to be thinking like, wtf is that beautiful man doing w/ that scrubby looking twig in the ancient clothes?? and like... he HAS to know. idc so much if other people are wondering how i got w/ him as long as HE isn’t like... damn, i could be doing so much better... anyways kill me, he is too fucking handsome and this birth control is making my skin break out really bad.

8/22/2018: this whole thing about being in a casual relationship is weird and tbh i’m less and less a fan. maybe i need to grow tf up but like, here’s an example. I’m going to a show friday night that’s literally 5 minutes from his house, and i know he’s free friday, and yet i won’t invite him bc i don’t want to see him there bc i don’t want him to be part of my local music world bc then he’ll mean that much more to me and it will be that much harder to feel and act casual. so that feels shitty. and like, i could totally skip the show and just go hang out w/ him, but I know he’s not planning his life around me, so I don’t want to get myself into a frame of mind where i’m sacrificing my stuff to be w/ him, so i make a point to not plan around him and not cancel plans for him. But getting to a point where i actively don’t want him to come to things w/ me is like some kind of accomplishment but also feels like a battle i don’t want to win? like i’m getting too good at it. at first i was like... struggling w/ it and he could probably tell? esp by how much i texted him and what kinds of texts i sent. but now i’m like, i’ve got a handle on it. i’m good. and it makes me sad. like what is the point of a casual relationship? what’s the point of a relationship you barely care about?

8/26/2018: conflict resolution like bosses >:) i know it’s just a beginning but we didn’t ever even get to a point of real conflict, although we were both approaching the subject at hand from wildly different perspectives and pretty high stakes. no insults or even criticisms, just explaining ourselves, being honest, and both quick to apologize. He definitely gets flustered and then gets a lot less precise about what he’s saying but then he’ll circle back to it when he’s had a minute to process/calm down and can fix whatever he mis-explained previously. It’s good to be back to good. 

8/28/2018: first use of a pet name: drunk text -- “Goodnight cutie. Sweet dreams and I’ll talk to you tomorrow <3″

8/31/2018: the way he reacted when i got suddenly skittish/stressed out was a startling moment in a really good way. He stayed so calm/supportive/reassuring. Who knew that was possible? 

9/1/2018: i think we’re becoming friends :’) meeting someone on a dating app, everything is backward bc the romance and skin comes before the friendship/knowing the person/etc so whenever we hang out for long enough to have time to get into decently long conversations and learn about each other or fight over whether william carlos williams is a good poet or not... it’s nice, and more special. Like, oh! that’s who you are?

9/8/2018: the way that relationships evolve is strange. like, a couple of weeks ago, just getting a text from M or not getting a text from him could change my mood and ability to focus so much bc everything was so new and uncertain and both exciting and stressful. now it’s okay either way. we’ve been dating for a little more than 2 months and things are getting to be sort of familiar and comfortable and less of a constant heart attack. the newness is still strange, there’s always some surprise. The other night he came over w/ his hair down and I was like ???? since when do you have hair like a young eddie vedder?? what is this?? but he was just like... yeah, that’s how it is right after i shower. i had no idea. it’s nice to literally get to watch someone slowly learn to trust you. he doesn’t act shy but it’s also easy to tell that he always has his walls up, I definitely have never seen them down yet, and that is okay. but the more comfortable he gets, the warmer he gets, and that’s really sweet. i’m frequently surprised by how competent of a person he is. he goes to the gym, he eats healthy, he’s a good boss, he’s a good student, he’s a good dog-parent etc. he asks questions like, “reading anything good lately?” and also corrected me instantly when I said KDC died in 93. he communicates clearly/gently/honestly. i’m getting to know some of his flaws, too. anyways i was out w/ a friend (allison c.) last night and we were talking about how shitty men are. i told her that the reason i’m w/ M is mainly just to get a chance to date someone who seems like he can prove that men can actually be really good. told her a story about how M reacted whenever i was having a bad moment and she was like, “I literally have goosebumps rn.” it was cute. reminded me not to take him for granted while he’s in my life. hope i’m not.

9/11/2018: M’s coming over tomorrow and i can’t waittttt. We try to see each other twice a week but sometimes it doesn’t happen and then it feels like forever. But now it’s less than 24 hours until i can hold his hands and kiss his face and i’m so ready.

9/13/2018: If this relationship is going to stick for a while... i can’t wait for the stage to come where i actually know him well enough that i’m not always overanalyzing/overreacting to every little cue. like there’s so much i don’t know that i can learn little things and be like WAIT WHAT? and get really stressed about it and i can’t wait for that to be over. how long til there’s an underlying level of trust/knowledge/comfort? 

9/23/2018: Okay so for the most part this relationship is starting to feel normal. It still doesn’t always feel real just because he is so segregated from the rest of my life. No mutual friends. no school to share, no work to share, no volunteering or show circuit. No one else has met him or even really knows what he looks like bc of a lack of recent pictures. I’m slowly getting more confident and comfortable within it, even though i do still second guess myself a lot more than i usually do. I guess i’m used to being fussed over and spoiled. But this isn’t like that at all. We’re both a) adults and b) busy and c) on opposite sides of the city and he’s still pretty reserved so I know I’m like, low-ish on his priorities list. Like i’m ON the list, but somewhere beneath going to the gym and getting a haircut, and about 10 miles below his dog. It’s fine, it’s only been like 3 months. Less than that. ANYWAY we’ve finally graduated out of the just-casual-relationship category and into the normal relationship category. Or, he said he thought we did a month ago, but I didn’t realize that’s what he was saying. So now I can stop filtering everything I say and do through that ever-present, “is this too serious?” lens and just do what makes sense/comes naturally. or something. I’m super excited about that bc that was getting really tiring and unromantic. 

9/30/2018: Uhhh, we went back into a weird “unlabeled” category where like we’re monogamous but nothing else is defined? Which I think is really lame but I also am trying to be patient and not pressure him and stuff. But I still think it’s silly and juvenile and kind of embarrassing. I mean I know he has his reasons and he needs to work through them on his own and at his own pace but for ME, it’s silly. Anyways. Still feels like there’s so much I don’t know about him or how he works or thinks or feels. But he still is always surprising me by just sheer level of sweetness. I feel like that’s always how I walk away, like, idk that guy but he sure has a kind heart. 

10/4/2018: Ok the back and forth stalling on what we’re even doing and all the associated casual dynamics have kinda killed the romance for me. like it’s cool and all but i’m done obsessing over the relationship and probably won’t be updating this anymore bc i really don’t care and continuing to write about it is just trying to make it a bigger deal to me than it really is.

10/19/2018: Nearly 4 months in and it’s still such a roller coaster, my perspective, optimism/pessimism and level of happiness change like every 48 hours. Sometimes i think we’re on the verge of breaking up because we’re too different or because we overworked the dynamics of our relationship too much. Sometimes i think we’re on the verge of stepping closer because our good days really are good. I’m always surprised by how complicated every little thing is, questioning where my feelings are coming from and whether i’m either getting carried away on good days or paranoid and trust-issues-y on bad days. And there is definitely also a background kind of darkness/heaviness surrounding the fact that the more time goes by, the more i understand that i’m really not even close to being over R. But on Wednesday he and I went to Red Emma’s and then took his dog for a walk and then watched princess bride (both of our favorite childhood movie) and ended up staying up til 5-something in the morning just lying next to each other talking about bullshit. Like it wasn’t staying up all night to work out something serious or anything. I don’t even remember what we were talking about. I remember at some point he started trying to recite post malone lyrics and could not stop laughing for so long. I remember on 9/8 I wrote that i know i’ve never seen him w/ his guard down and i still usually feel like that, but then sometimes lately i think it comes down for a second and it’s always really nice and makes me think it’s worth working/waiting for. It’s understandable that he’d still have a lot of walls up when our relationship has been so rocky and it’s still in the baby stages anyways. I know he must be feeling more and more sure of us bc the way his sister treats me changed distinctly this weekend. Like she was always super nice, but now she treats me like she expects me to be around/expects to and wants to make friends, which is so nice. He’s still incredible when I get triggered. Sometimes I just suddenly can’t anymore and he’s never even hinted at the slightest inkling of being frustrated by that. 

11/4/2018: “do you love me?” “yes. i do love you. its been screaming in my head to say it every time I look at you.” “then why didn’t you get me a seltzer water?” 

11/30/2018: “I’m breaking up with you, and I want to marry you, and I love you.”

---

update: this is going to be a running/updated post for all bullshit things i think about M but should be telling no one and should absolutely not be posting on the internet. 

[crimson-of-the-earth]

Would You Rather (Fanfic Edition)

Got tagged by none other than @theladyisapirate so let’s do this!

Do you prefer friends to lovers or enemies to lovers? 

I prefer enemies to friends to lovers. so

Would you rather be forced to watch a terrible movie adaptation of your favorite fanfic or an amazing adaptation of your least favorite fanfic?

My least favorite fanfic is still great so I’d prefer that being adapted. Maybe the adaptation would make it even better. 

Besides, I’ve been burned so many times by my favorite CANON books being adapted into disappointing pieces of shit. *cough*Percy Jackson*cough*

Would you rather read fanfic chapters backwards or read them as parsed from google translate?

I’m gonna have to skip this question too. 

Would you rather consume every fanfic as an audiobook read by a monotone narrator or have to read on a tiny printed piece of papers written in yellow highlighter?

I feel like reading fanfics out loud ruins the whole mood, tbh. And besides, nobody will read yellow-highlighted stuff anyway because it’ll hurt their eyes.

Would you rather get a tattoo on your body of every fanfic title you read or never read fanfic again?

I’d rather get tattoos of every fanfic title I’ve read. Most of them are pretty poetic, some even have song lyrics for titles!

Do you prefer vampire au or werewolf au? 

Vampire AU all the way, bruh. It’s a classic AU.

Would you rather get sold to a boy band or be stuck in a time loop with your love interest?

Am I allowed to relive a certain moment with my love interest in the time loop?

Would you rather kill your favorite character or marry your least favorite character? 

My favorite and least favorite characters are the same person. If you’re a wrestling fan, you know what I mean.

Would you rather meet your love interest in a coffee shop au or college au?

Coffee shop AU for life, my dudes. Again, it’s a classic. Granted, so is the college AU but let’s just say that college doesn’t hold fond memories.

Would you rather have your fic history leaked or never read another fanfic again?

Go ahead! Just sign this waiver that says that I will not be liable for any mental health issues that you may experience.

Would you rather be able to read amazing fanfiction but it always has an mpreg plot twist or only read bad fanfiction for the rest of your life?

Bro, bold of you to assume that I haven’t enjoyed mpreg fics before.

Would you rather gay ships or straight ships?

I don’t care about that. What matters fic potentiality and chemistry. I ship mlm, wlw, straight and every ship in between. As long as the influx of fics are either great or plentiful.

Would you rather ship a rarepair with almost no content or a pair with lots of content but almost all of it is cracky nightmare smut?

Yo, rarepairs are practically diamonds in every fandom. Everyone wants to find new ships but they’re too busy shipping every obvious ship. When you create fics for a rarepair, it’s gonna go one of two ways:

People are either gonna go crazy for it and demand skyrockets, or it flops and you abandon your works out of shame.

Would you rather see your otp shatter years after their happily ever after or never have the happily ever after happen in the first place?

As a member of any fandom, I think it’s better to never wish for a happily ever after for your OTP, unless you wanna cry yourself to sleep every night.

Call me nihilistic. It’s just the way shipping works.

Would you rather read a poorly written but complete fanfic or a literary masterpiece last updated june 2013?

I’d go with the latter but I’d honestly give the complete one a try. How poorly written are we talking about here? Like, a wall of text? Continuous use of “said” without further action descriptions?

Would you rather read SSSS++++ tier smut with almost 11k words or 70k words worth of fluff?

BOOOOOTTTTHHHHH!!!! One of my favorite fics is a 100k+ smut with a mix of fluff. AND IT’S ALL IN ONE CHAPTER!

Would you rather read only alternate universe fanfics or only canon fanfics? 

Dude, canon fics are super boring!!!!! Gimme the AU!

Would you rather introduce fanfics to your normie friend with an ongoing smut fic with great writing or a complete fluff fic with terrible writing?

Honestly, I don’t like making friends with normies. They’re too boring to be around with and talk to.

Would you rather read your notp with all your favorite tropes and perfect characterization or your otp with tropes you despise and inconsistent characterization?

I read any fanfics that aren’t huge walls of grammar errors.

Would you rather have a major character death or have a bed sharing scene but it’s a ship you hate?

I don’t ike reading fics of my hated ships, anyway. Why should I bother? Just give me the MCD and I’ll see myself out.

Would you rather every fanfic includes Jackson Wang or every fanfic includes at least one nsfw moment?

I don’t quite understand the question....

Would you rather read a fanfic that has constant grammar and spelling mistakes or one that the characters are wildly different than canon?

I honestly like OOC fics. And reading a wall of grammar errors is like having barbed wire pressed into my eyes.

Would you rather read the most absolutely messed up dead dove with your most wholesome ship or subject yourself to 100,000 words of your notp all written in a solid block with no punctuation and horrible grammar?

Give me my favorite wholesome babies going through serious shit!

Again, wall of horrible grammar = barbed wire in eyes.

Would you rather have the power to read every fanfic in existence or have the power to make any ship canon?

Dude, I would ALL my ships canon! I don’t wanna read every fanfic ever, that would include the horrible ones.

I’mma be the Pope of Shipping, dammit! Just canonizing ships left and right!

Would you rather read a cringy 70 chapter harry styles mafia au or a high school kpop au y/n fic with horrible grammar?

That AU you just mentioned is cringey in and of itself. High school AUs are cringe enough but at least it’s a classic.Personally, I think adding K-Pop to anything is like adding BBQ sauce to a S’more. It fucking ruins it.

So never mention K-Pop to me again. It’s bad enough that I have to deal with it in the game I’m playing.

But to answer the question: Harry Styles? Classic. Mafia AU? Also a classic. So I’ll go with it. I can deal with a lot of things but K-Pop is not one of them.

Would you rather have your otp get together in canon but one of them dies in a tragic way or all members of your otp survive but get together with other people?

The second one. No one’s gonna stop me from breaking canon and shipping them anyway.

Would you rather accidentally send your boss a super detailed smut fic or read a super detailed smut fic about your boss?

This involves real people with no gimmick/persona (Wrestlers are a gray area) and that’s against my shipping policy. Next!

Would you rather read smut fanfic aloud to your parents or submit smut fanfic to the employer of your dream job?

Again, involves real people with no persona. Again, breaking Shane’s Shipping Scheme

And it involves my parents so....

Would you rather pine after an oblivious love interest or be the oblivious love interest pined after?

I was pining for an oblivious childhood crush. Try to guess my answer. It’ll absolutely shock you /sarcasm

Would you rather hanahaki disease or your soulmate’s first words to you tattooed on your body (and they’re really stupid)?

I actually like both, the latter one is great cause comedy, but Hanahaki is such a dramatic plot device.

Would you rather be an alpha, beta, or omega in omegaverse?

My brain and attitude say Alpha but my actions and personality say Omega.

Would you rather read a fanfic where the characters turn into furries or a fanfic where the characters all get pregnant?

Pass on both. 

Would you rather be able to resurrect dead fics or have the power to create a plethora of new fics effortlessly?

Create a plethora of new fics. Being in a seemingly never-ending writers’ block, that would be a miracle.

Tagging: @mercy-ed @perversionsofjustice​ @nosiize​