#and have the deep feeling that it all will work out somehow

[heeliopheelia]

LACY (p. jay)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

includes: oral (f receiving), fingering, crying, insecurities, soft dom! jay, praising, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, creampie, hate comments

word count: 3.4k

synopsis: 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘤 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘫𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩

guts event masterlist ⋆♱✮♱⋆ main masterlist

Looking at your phone makes you want to throw up. 

“out of literally everyone he pulls… that? gotta be a joke”

“jay deserves sm better”

“if that thing got a chance with him that means i’d be unstoppable”

“pls tell me this is a joke”

“girlie gotta have a good head game cuz ain’t no way lmfao”

As if you don’t feel bad enough about yourself already. 

Ever since the photo of you and your boyfriend coming back from a date leaked to the internet, there’s been nothing but a ridiculous amount of hatred directed towards your clueless self. 

In the morning Jay’s text saying please stay offline today baby was enough to make your stomach churn without even knowing what was actually happening. And against his words and your common sense, your fingers instantly went to the first better social media app on screen’s your homepage.

And so with every single comment put out on the internet, you feel your confidence and self-worth slowly crumbling down until they have eventually worn you out and you’re nothing but a sobbing mess ever since the morning. Your head hurts from all the crying yet the slightly masochistic part of yourself doesn’t let you tear your gaze away from the screen.

Maybe it’s because deep down you’ve always felt like you’re not good enough to be dating such a man as Jay, and the insecure thoughts he’s worked so hard to bury six feet underneath your feet have just resurfaced once again. 

Knowing he’s surrounded by almost literal embodiments of the beauty standard on a daily basis and then having to come home to a plain nobody like you can’t be good for no one’s mental health, that’s for sure. 

“Baby?”

The lump stretches your throat too painfully for you to make any other sound than the whimper you let out, and soon you hear Jay’s footsteps approaching your suffocatingly silent room.

“Are you there, love?” 

You press your trembling lips together and nod your head, trying to force yourself to stop being so emotional for once. The last thing you want him to do is deal with… this, whatever your current state is. 

“You’ve been reading the comments,” he points out quietly, but not with accusation – only worry. His heart squeezes with desperation to somehow make you feel better, yet you take his silence as a sign of disappointment in you. 

And somehow you can’t bring yourself to look into his eyes, too swallowed by shame. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper eventually after a couple beats of silence. Your head drops lowly onto your bunched up knees. “I just had to see it myself.”

“Hey, no more twitter, no more instagram – no more,” Jay pleads softly as he carefully takes your phone out of your weak grasp and sets it on the bedside table, only to thread his fingers through yours and intertwine them together. “Don’t do this to yourself. Please, stop crying, beautiful. They don’t deserve your tears, hm?”

A sob rips out of your throat and echoes through the silent room, simultaneously breaking your boyfriend’s heart in two. “It’s just… I-,” you’re unable to finish your sentence with the hundreds of thoughts running around your mind, not giving you a moment of peace since hours ago.

“I know nothing I say will make you feel better now,” Jay whispers, shuffling closer on the bed until his chest is pressed against your shoulder and he envelops you in a protective embrace. He presses a warm kiss to your temple. “I love you. I hate to see you like that, honey.”

You nod your head, sniffling loudly and choking on your own sobs. “I love you too,” you cry quietly, moving your head to rest against his chest. “I just don’t feel good with myself right now.”

Jay hums. His hands blindly reach to your face to wipe your tears away, fingers gently caressing your damp face. “I know.” His words are muffled by your hair as he nuzzles his face in it. “I’m sorry.”

You can clearly hear the violent beating of his heart from your position and the insides of your stomach twist with sadness because you know well he’s blaming himself for everything. He promised to protect you at the beginning of your relationship, forever and always, and yet he’s failed at the one thing that should’ve been of the highest importance to him.

He felt conflicted about his job more times than he would like to admit. The constant restrictions, always having to watch his words and actions, the almost non-existent privacy – it was tough, annoying, but he could take it. 

But he’s never hated being who he is more than he does right now. Seeing the person he loves the most, the person who holds his entire world, being in such a miserable state because of his job makes him feel just so helpless.

Swallowing his self-pity, Jay soothes you as gently as he can. His fingers thread through your hair, waiting patiently until your heavy sobs turn into hiccups and eventually small whimpers. 

“I chose you, YN,” he finally says softly, hand pushing the hair sticking to your face away as the other one cups your cheek and brings you to look at him. “I chose you and I’d choose you over everyone else. It’s always going to be you. Always.” 

You blink your lashes heavy with tears, cheeks stinging from the excessive amount of them that has dropped down your face. He nudges your cheek with his nose before pressing a gentle kiss to your brow bone. This tender gesture and his words finally allow the smallest smile to appear on your lips. 

“There’s my pretty girl,” Jay giggled. His arms wrap tighter around you before he lifts you up and pulls you onto his lap. “You know, it’s okay if you don’t fully love yourself yet, I can do it for the both of us for now, baby. Please, believe me.” 

You nod your head, now choked up for a whole different reason. You let him lean in and join your lips together in a sweet kiss. His knuckles caress your cheeks and chin as he plants a chain of pecks on your swollen mouth.  

He tries to break the kiss but you don’t let him get too far away, pulling him back in by his neck and crashing your lips together again, this time more desperately. Jay’s fingers slip into the loopholes of your pants, bringing you closer and closer until there’s no space left between your chests. 

The hushed I love you’s coming out from both of your mouths, his warm lips sucking a kiss after kiss on yours, his hand that drops down and sneaks underneath your top to linger over your skin – you’re becoming dizzy from the overwhelming love you’re being given.

“I’ve achieved everything because of you, love. I am who I am because of you,” he breathes out into your lips, forehead bumping against yours. One last time, he kisses the whatever is left of your tears away, then goes back to your hungry lips. “I’d give you the world if you asked me to. Let me take care of you, like you always do for me.”

With a strong move, he pulls you off his lap and lays you down on the plushy bedding. You shiver when the warmth of his body leaves you, only to catch your breath when he drops to the ground with the dull sound of his knees hitting the wooden floor. 

His warm hands rub your thighs soothingly, palming your inflamed skin before his lips follow their lead and pepper small kisses all over them, gradually traveling higher. You can hardly breathe from the tension, impatiently waiting for his every next move, the exhaustion in your body making you feel everything tenfold. 

The whisper you let out is strangled because of the prominent tingling in between your thighs. “I need you, Jay.”

With a hum of acknowledgement, he unzips then takes off your pants along with your underwear, discarding the clothes somewhere on the floor blindly.  Breath hitches in your throat when he leans forward and finally buries his face between your legs, lips softly grazing your warmth.  

His hands push on your inner thighs, holding your legs wide open as he leans down and presses a kiss to your pussy. A jolt shoots through your body when his teeth brush over your clit before he ducks his head down and engulfs it with his warm mouth entirely.

A shiver runs down your spine when his tongue runs flat against your clit, another but longer lick following right after. Your fingers clench on the duvet beneath you as you pant and whimper with every move that he makes. 

Jay’s thumbs circle and press on the smooth skin on your thighs, he himself humming and grunting into your pussy as he slurps you up. 

You’re perfect, so perfect in his eyes, yet the angle is still not satisfying to him, constantly searching for a better access to your quivering hole. Suddenly, his arms wrap around your knees and he swiftly lifts your legs further up, almost folding you in half as he sinks his mouth in your wetness again, groaning at how much better he can eat you out now. Properly. 

A loud moan ripples from your throat and you jerk in his hold violently, not expecting him to just manhandle you like this. You’re just there, mind blank and eyes fluttering shut when Jay pushes his tongue into your hole, fucking and stretching you with it as best as he can. He’s being so loud with it, so nasty that you can’t help but surrender yourself to him completely, losing yourself to him over and over again. 

Two of his warm fingers circle your weeping hole before letting them sink inside slowly, gently. With the addiction of his nose brushing over your clit, his tongue never halting its movements and now working in harmony with his fingers, you’re barely responsive. 

You mewl and whine breathlessly, sweat starting to create a thin layer on your worked up body. Jay pulls away to take a breath and admire your blissed out face, long fingers curling up, and he ducks his head to cover your sensitive thighs with marks and bites. 

“Aah, s’ good,” you slur out, arching your back off the bed slightly. 

“Yeah? You like that, baby?” Jay asks, sucking one last hickey on your inner thigh before moving back to your needy cunt. You can only hum in agreement, the noise quickly turning into another string of moans and wails as you feel your approaching high. 

Jay cranes his neck to get to you at the best angle, one that will help you reach your climax the fastest. He didn’t even realize when his now hard cock started rutting against the bed slowly, only focused on you and you only, restraining his own pleasure. 

You open your mouth to warn him of your incoming release but before you can do that, Jay speeds up the movement of his fingers and has you coming within a second, a loud cry of his name on your lips serving as honey for his ears. 

He drags his face away from your glistening pussy to take a look at your face.

You’re so beautiful, so perfect, soft and all his.

“My prettiest,” he murmurs, planting a bunch of kisses against your thighs and stomach before lifting himself on his arms and crawling to get you to face him, laying breathlessly beneath him. 

He lowers himself to kiss you right on the lips, the slick from his face smearing against yours slightly but you’re too far gone to pay it any mind. 

“I love you,” is all you’re able to choke out in a whisper. Jay smiles and brushes his nose against yours, kissing you once, then twice and thrice before letting you fill your lungs again. 

“I love you more.”

And as much as you want to protest at first, you realize that he might be actually right. There’s no doubt of your feelings or devotion to him, you gave him your entire heart a long time ago, entrusted him with all you are and had enough faith in him to never make you regret your decision.

But no one loves like Jay does. His love is pure and raw, coming from the depth of his heart and overshadowing all other feelings you’ve ever harbored to another man. 

That’s how you also know that no matter anything you’ll always end up together, overcome everything. 

His gentle hands grab the bottom of the t-shirt you’re wearing, his actually now that he takes a better look at it, then lifts it up, revealing your perky breasts to him. He plants kisses against them, simultaneously unzipping his pants and kicking them down to the floor. His boxers are discarded next and you help him unbutton his shirt with your shaky fingers. 

“Make me yours,” you say into his lips once you’re done with that, hand pressed against his cheek. 

Your words are enough to send Jay’s patience out the window, and he’s lifting your leg to hook it over his waist before sinking his hard cock inside you, your walls instantly sucking him in to the hilt. He groans at the warmth that engulfs him, squeezing him so tightly he can barely move. 

Your heart pounds in your chest, blood rushing to your cheeks at the intimacy, his eyes boring into you lovingly. Because that’s what he is. Utterly, hopelessly lovesick. 

His chest heaves above yours for a moment as he lets you adjust and relax around him before settling for a slower and deep pace. Your breaths get ragged quickly, listening to the filthy squelching whenever he pulls out of you only to sink in further each time. 

“See, baby? It’s all good now,” he rasps, sweaty hair beginning to cling to his forehead because of the stuffiness in your bedroom. “You don’t need anyone else. Only me. I’ll take care of you.”

“Only you,” you repeat after him, watching his eyes sparkle and eyebrows furrow.

He lets out a chuckle, out of breath. “Good girl.”

His hold on you tightens as he fucks into you, his large hand slipping to the back of your head and pressing your face to his neck. His thrusts grow faster, more erratic and messy, and the only thing you’re able to do at the moment is whine desperately into his skin and wrap your other leg over his hips, thighs clenching his sides even tighter.

You feel better. You feel heavenly. You feel loved.

He bullies his way so deep inside you that you feel as if on the verge of blacking out. It’s so good. You’re pretty sure you’re going to leave a drool stain on your boyfriend’s toned shoulder once you pull away from there as you’re just unable to close your mouth for a second, too fucked out to have any control over it now.

“Can I go a little faster, sweetheart?” Jay asks.

You whine into the junction of his neck. “Mhm.”

And so he does, his touch growing in intensity as well. He lets go of your neck and your head falls back onto the pillows and you finally get to look at his face, expression so soft and tender, and a stark contrast to the way he fucks you. 

Your stomach sets ablaze with every loud clap of his hips against yours, his precum making a mess on your thighs. 

“Fucking hell,” he moans lowly, not being able to get enough of the doe-eyed look you’re giving him. He didn’t know it was possible, but he thinks he loves you even a little more than yesterday. 

The sloppy sound of your wet skin colliding with his ricochets off of your bedroom’s walls and your eyes water again – this reason completely contrasting to the earlier heartbreak. Jay is here to kiss all of your tears away, his warm lips tracing your cheeks and collecting every salty droplet that falls on your skin. 

You throw your head back, nails digging into his shoulder blades. And then he reaches down with the one hand that’s not holding you, pressing his fingers on your swollen clit and rubbing circles on it, making you grow lightheaded again. 

His never ceasing thrusts keep hitting your g-spot, without even giving you a second to breathe. 

“J-Jay,” you whimper, voice wet and small, and he knows exactly what you want to communicate to him. 

You fall apart in his arms as your orgasm hits your sensitive pussy even harder this time, making you squirt with a shallow gasp for air. You feel completely owned by him at the moment. 

Jay’s eyes roll to the back of his skull for a hot minute, his cock aching and twitching as your walls spasm and squeeze him mercilessly. He buries his face in your neck now, nibbling under your ears and panting heavily against your skin.

Jay cums hard, probably harder than he ever has before – all because he knows he’s fucked you so good you can’t stop shaking in his arms. His own thighs begin to quiver a little as he ruts his emptying cock into your warm pussy, filling you up so nicely.

It’s the choked up wail that leaves your throat that spurs him into pushing more of his throbbing length into your sensitive self. His warm cum fills you to the brim, seeping slowly onto your thighs, yet he keeps snapping his hips against you slowly. “That’s it. Take it, baby. Take it all.”

Your lips part and when he pulls away from your neck, he immediately slides his tongue against yours. His kisses are sloppy and hot and wet but that only pushes you even further into the state of bliss, completely losing your mind for the man above you.

Your back is arched, making you press your chest into his forcefully as you jolt and twitch from overstimulation as he pulls out his soft cock out of you carefully. 

Jay’s lips press to your temple warmly with a soothing intention. You try to catch your breath, body sweaty and clammy just like your hair. Yet you look just as pretty as ever to him. His prettiest girl. 

 He collapses onto the bed next to you and lets you cling to him for as long as you want to, holding you tightly to his chest and drowning you in praises and compliments. It’s only when he notices that your eyelids are growing heavy that he gently pulls you away and up from the bed, steadying your wobbly self on the rug beside your bed. 

You look at him in confusion, eyes misty and tired and he can’t help but giggle and kiss you one more time. “We should probably take a shower first,” he flicks your nose when you scrunch it up slightly but then you nod your head.

When you start walking into the direction of the bathroom, goosebumps spiking your skin despite the hot temperature in the room, you turn around and frown when you notice that Jay has stayed behind you.

“You’re not coming, love?” You ask but he shakes his head. 

“You go first, baby. I’ll be right there in a second.” He nods his head to the ruined bedding. “Gotta change the sheets first.”

You flush as you take in the mess you’ve both made. “Right,” you mumble and then disappear behind the door. 

When you’re both showered and back in the bed together, you’re propping yourself on your elbows, trying to reach the switch of the lamp on the bedside table. You don’t get far when Jay’s arm wraps itself across your torso and brings you back down, right into his chest.  

“Stay,” he mumbles, nuzzling his face in your hair.

You giggle quietly but give in and lay comfortably, half on the bed and half on your boyfriend. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Jay hums lowly. “I mean forever. Stay with me forever.”

You look at him, eyes slightly widening despite how tired you are, and his words take your breath away when you realize he’s dead serious. You’re at a loss of words, looking at the man by your side, stunned, yet he only smiles lazily and brings your hand to his lips to press his warm lips against your knuckles.

“Marry me.”

Lacy, oh, Lacy, I just loathe you lately

And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you

Yeah, I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you

taglist: @luvkpopp @yannew @hoonxclsvly @jongseongslvr @beomgyusonlywife @starggukies @koizekomi @ineedsomezzz @starl1ghtsinthedark @enhastolemyheart @seokseokjinkim @parksunghoonsgf @skzenhalove @somekpopshiteu97 @enhypens-hoe @alpha-mommy69 @jwnzlvr @wondipity

permanent taglist: @bambisgirl @arizejkt19 @luvmura @milisabunny @cathy-1997 @dilucsleftshoelace @ramenoil @jenjnk @jaylaxies @yoongspi @nichoswag @s00buwu @mon2sunjinsuver @goreconsumer @i4kt @heehoonsnemo @seongslutt @criminalyun @kissestojapan

note: i actually really like how it turned out xx

[mariasont]

Talking to a Brick Wall - A.H

a/n: rip erin strauss you would've hated this fic

masterlist

‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚₊‧

pairings: aaron hotchner x bimbo!reader

summary: in which you overhear your boyfriend aaron's phone call

warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, miscommunication, self-doubt, happy ending but also a terrible ending bc i SUCK at endings xoxo

wc: 2.3k

You had called out your boyfriend's name multiple times as you wandered into his house. He had asked you a while ago if you wanted to come over for a movie night tonight and hell would have to freeze over before you ever declined that offer. However, upon arrival, you were greeted by silence; no response to the doorbell, his phone, or your voice. Thankfully, the key he'd given you last year jingled in your pocket as you let yourself in.

You had a pretty strong suspicion he'd be in his office--after all, this was Aaron Hotchner, a man who definitely did not believe in leaving work at the office. 

And sure enough, his voice filtered through the slightly ajar door, the rich hue of his mahogany desk framing the gap. You were about to move towards the living room, assuming he was on a work call of some sorts, but his words stopped you dead in your tracks. 

"It's just... sometimes I feel like I'm speaking, but the understanding isn't there. You know what I mean? It's like the concepts just float in one ear and out the other."

You caught your bottom lip between your teeth, brows drawn together, as your hand found the wall, leaning towards the door. He couldn't have been talking about you, right?

"I try to share details, to get her involved, but it's met with this vacant nod. As if the depth of it all just doesn't register."

Oh. Her. You tried to fan away the wetness that threatened to fall down your cheeks, each rapid motion a desperate attempt to convince yourself you were imagining things. 

"And I'm patient, I really am. But when you're met with that blank look, it's... disheartening. You start to wonder if it's worth explaining at all. It's like talking to a wall."

Okay, that stung. It was like an immediate punch to the gut, your heart seeming to drop into the pit of your stomach. Your shoulders slumped slightly as you tried to rationalize his words, but nothing was really making sense right now.

The internal battle was a cruel one: stay and endure the sharp sting of his words or leave and miss more of what he had to say. The latter won, pulling you away from the door. 

You knew you were never going to be the smartest person in the room, and in the past, it was a source of deep-seated insecurity, always a silent specter in the corners of your mind. But then you met Aaron. And he made everything just better. His own intelligence and impressive job never became a yardstick for your worth; he ensured you knew you were more than enough, just as you were.

He had always been the voice reminding you that you were smart in your own right, telling you that your worth transcended any numerical measure of intelligence like a stupid IQ score. But now you were questioning everything. 

Anger seemed like the appropriate response, right? But it was hard to be when his words carried a weight of truth to them. 

You did have a hard time keeping up when he talked about the complexities of his cases, sometimes feeling like an outsider looking in. But, even if you didn't understand, his passion for what he did was infectious, and you hung on to every word when he explained all the ways his smart brain was able to deduce things about people. 

Still, a part of you imagined it was hard for him, that it probably got old fast when you weren't able to hold an intelligent conversation. 

Your knuckles were white against the steering wheel, and it somehow took you only ten minutes to get home when it should've taken you twenty.

It was only when you had taken a shower, put on your favorite pair of pink sweats, brought out some Ben and Jerry's, and turned on Legally Blonde, did you check your phone.

Hi honey. What time are you coming over?

You tried to ignore the sensation of an invisible band drawing tighter across your chest. 

so sorry, not feeling good. rain check? xoxo

You hated lying to him. Hated lying in general, save for the occasional white lie to protect someone's feelings. The fact that you weren't lying to his face was a small mercy, because obviously he'd be able to see right through you.

Do you want me to come there? I can bring food.

You wanted to be with him, you really did, you had been counting down the days to this movie night all week. But the thought of sitting beside him, wanting to ask about his day, about his work, now seemed like an intrusion. Knowing that your well-intentioned questions might be a chore for him or a source of frustration. The realization pressed down on you, a heavy weight that threatened to snuff your light.

no that's okie! thank you though <3 i don't want to get you sick!

Your phone was ringing, his name lighting up the screen for a FaceTime call, it felt like a betrayal of your own making. It was a skill you had recently taught him (which took forever), and of course now he was using it. Your finger jabbed at the red button, your cheeks turning the same color. 

i look & sound disgustinggg rn

I know for a fact that's incorrect. You have a magical talent of looking incredible no matter what.

I want to see your pretty face.

you can be so flattering when u want to mister!

im going to take some medicine & then ill call u l8, k?

Hmm, okay.

love u! xoxo

I love you too, pretty girl.

You hated this. Your eyes were puffy, swollen and wet as you discarded the phone onto the nightstand. He deserved someone who wasn't so pathetic. 

You wallowed in self-pity all night, and then all day, and then all week. You went through the motions--getting up, going to work, and then making up some lame excuse when Aaron asked to see you. Name it, and you had probably said it. In reality, you had been holed up in your room, trading glossy magazine pages for confusing behavioral books.

The subject matter was as dull as dishwater, making paint-watching seem thrilling. But you were committed to bringing some depth to your next conversation with him.

Today's excuse had been some half-truths about being buried in work--which in hindsight seemed comical, given you worked at a bakery and there wasn't much that could take up your time outside of contract hours.

You were splayed across the couch in an upside-down sprawl as you attempted to focus on the scholarly gibberish that filled the pages. 'Homology,' 'dichotomy,' and 'typology' melded into a migraine-inducing blur, tempting you to slam the book shut. You were fighting every urge to throw it out the window and paint your nails with that new glittery polish you've been dying to try.

At the insistent knock, you clapped the book shut (thank god) and stood, brows knitting, as you navigated to the door with a soft scuffle of slippers on polished wood. 

Flinging it open, you halted, breath caught. "Aaron? Oh, hi, what are you doing here?"

The words sprang forth before you could catch them, your hands scrambling up to smooth the evidence of your couch-induced disarray. 

He fixes you a pointed stare as he steps into your apartment, invitation be damned you guess. "I find myself repeating this, yet it seems necessary--peephole first, then the door, sweetheart."

You clamp your teeth onto your lip with such force, you're convinced you've tasted blood. "Oh, right, sorry... I should've remembered."

A flicker of foolishness and a heavy dose of self-consciousness threaten to surface. However, you quickly subdue them, tucking them away as you wrapped your arms around your body, offering him a small smile. Despite everything, your heart leaps at the sight of him. You missed him.

His face softens, his touch soft as he tilts your chin upward. "Look at me. It's fine. I just want to make sure my best girl is safe, that's all."

The temptation to simply crumble there and then, to forget everything and cocoon yourself in his arms, was overwhelming. 

You leaned into his hand without thinking, which now claimed the entire area of your cheek. He was always so warm. 

You watch as Aaron glances around the room, no doubt noting the absence of work-related clutter. "Still working?"

"Oh, I was, I told my boss I'd help with inventory reports." That part wasn't totally a lie, but it still made your conscience squirm with guilt.

"Do you want help?"

The proposal touches a raw nerve, sparking a defensive reflex. Did he think you were incapable?

 "Thanks, but I'm actually all done with them," you lie, your a smile a little too rigid as you head into the living room.

You're keenly aware of his approaching footsteps as you hastily stash that stupid book under a magazine, silently praying he didn't notice. You settle onto the couch, and he joins you, casually drawing your legs over his lap as you recline against the cushions.

"How was your day?"

You wince internally at the automatic question. 

"Not too bad," He replies with an easy shrug, his fingers sneaking under your sweats at the ankles, tracing lazy circles on your calves. "We wrapped up some paperwork, had a couple of briefings, and oh, we were introduced to our new consultant today. She specializes in crypto linguistics--really fascinating stuff."

Your eyes flutter briefly, a constriction forming in your throat, a twist in your gut. The mere mention of the consultant being a she amplifies your feelings of insufficiency. It leaves you wondering, why would Aaron ever be interested in someone like you?

"Crypto linguistics?" you repeat, trying to sound curious rather than lost. 

He leans in closer to you. "It's a specialized area of linguistics focused on decoding encrypted languages."

You offer a nod, managing a convincing "Yeah, of course," even as your eyes unwittingly drift away from his unwavering stare, betraying a hint of your confusion.

Aaron's hand cradles your head, his fingers sifting through your hair. "Hey," he murmurs, drawing your attention back, "what's going on in that pretty head of yours?"

Your chin touches your chest as you mumble, barely audible, "hardly anything."

Aaron's expression turns to a frown, his broad hands guiding your ass and thighs as he positions you atop his lap, face-to-face, leaving you exposed with no place to hide. Your name escapes him with a sigh. "I don't believe that for a second."

You match his frown with your own pout, nestling your face into his neck, concealing the rosy hue that has claimed your cheeks. "Just a rough week is all."

"Is that so?" His voice was a gentle murmur, his hands soothingly moving in gentle sweeps across your back as you breathed out unsteadily. "Funny, that's been my week too. My gorgeous girlfriend seems to have been avoiding me all week."

"Have not," you mumble, your breath warm against his skin, fingers weaving through the hair at the nape of his neck.

He hummed. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong."

"It's silly."

He guided your face back to his, eyes searching yours. "Listen to me. No, it's not. I don't like when you try to diminish your feelings. Talk to me, honey."

That was your tipping point. A wobble in your lip betrays the onset of tears as your voice breaks.

"I just--I know I'm not as smart as the people you work with or even your past girlfriends. I know I don't get things right away especially when you talk about work, and I see how everyone else is so quick, and I'm here, always a few steps behind. I know that it must be frustrating for you, and I'm scared that one day, you'll get tired of explaining, and your patience will run out, and well, you'll see... you'll see that--"

"Baby, whoa, slow down," Aaron urges, his palms tenderly framing your face, a frown plastered over his face. Your heart hammers against your chest, its rapid beats almost audible, as if it might jump from your body. "Take a deep breath, okay? Can you do that for me?"

You draw in a breath.

His thumb delicately erases the tears that have made their way down your cheek.

"When there is something about my work you don't understand, I will gladly go over it as many times as you need. I don't expect you to know everything about that stuff, why would you? That's not why I'm with you. I'm with you because of your incredibly kind heart and the way you see the best in people. I love you because you are you. What is making you think this way, honey? It's breaking my heart."

"I overheard you Aaron," you said, "saying that sometimes it feels like you're talking to a wall when you talk to me."

"What?" he questioned, but his confusion was quickly morphed into concern. "Oh, sweetheart, no. I was talking about Strauss and her lack of understanding of our fieldwork."

"Oh."

"I would never speak about you like that, you know that, right? And if, in some alternate universe, I did, you need to break up with me, or better yet, set me straight." His hands stayed firmly on your face. "You should never tolerate that from me or anyone else, understood?"

You bit down on your lip, hands resting on his shoulders as you nodded. "Yes, sir."

He leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips, sending fireworks to every inch of you as he mumbled against your mouth, "that's my girl."

taglist: @hotchhner

[julsvu]

mornings with the seven

fluff, gn! reader, not proofread

jason will always find himself holding onto you tightly, before or after sleep. he makes sure you're completely warm in his arms, and indulges in the feeling of your warmth lingering on his muscles, that tense ever so slightly whenever you make the slightest movement that'd indicate you're moving away from him. cuddles with him feels like cuddling a huge plushie. he greets you with a soft good morning, kissing you on the forehead before asking how was your sleep, his morning voice deep.

with percy, you find yourself with dozens of kisses sprinkled all over your face before you both go to sleep. in the morning, he'd admire your resting face while his fingers string into your soft hair. he adores waking up with the smell of your shampoo lingering just beneath his nose. he wakes you up with a cheeky grin on his face, asking you if you'd like to watch the sunrise with him. but, before watching the sunrise, you'd have to help him cook blue pancakes. every month, sally gives him a new recipe, or rather, a new variant for blue pancakes, and this boy always insists to try them with you first and foremost.

frank has similar cuddling habits to jason. he'll wrap his limbs around you as long as you're comfortable with him doing it, almost suffocating you (in a good way, he swears). he isn't aware of it, but his hands shapeshift into a cat's paw and makes biscuits on you whenever he's too comfortable in his sleep. he invites you to have a small breakfast date once you wake up, greeting you with a warm squeeze of affection.

leo has his limbs entangled with yours, before and after sleeping. his face will always be buried into your shoulder or neck; your scent makes him relax far too much to the point of sleepiness, hence, he'd make excuses to cuddle with you no matter the place or time. he wakes you up with countless of kisses littered upon your face, and a grin paints over his lips once he sees you flutter awake, before he tells you what he had dreamt about. (his dreams somehow always involve you.)

annabeth is big on spooning. she wouldn't mind being a little spoon, but, she prefers to be the big spoon since it feels like she's protecting you, even at times of rest. she memorizes your sleep patterns; maybe she's been hanging out with you too much, and she ends up waking up at the same time as you. however, she never fails to remind you to take care of your sleeping schedule, as she brushed your morning bed hair with a small smile lingering on her lips.

hazel falls asleep holding your hand, most of the time. hazel, like annabeth, would subconsciously memorize your sleep patterns. but, unlike annabeth, she'd wake up before you. she swears that she's grown a sixth sense for her dear lover, as she greets you with breakfast in bed. she loves getting away from everything and staying with you; especially if she gets to play with your hair while you spoonfeed each other breakfast.

© 2024 JULSVU. all rights reserved. please don't plagiarize, translate, put in other websites or copy my work without permission. ty!

[mykoreanlove]

i need skz angst like rn??😭

hyunjin x female reader, and they maybe decide to go out to like a club or something, and some guy hits on the reader and hyunjin is like “you were flirting back!” and the reader is just very confused bc they tried to let the guy know as kindly as possible that they are taken, but hyunjin is still really mad and it results in them fighting

and then maybe hyunjin decides to go home but not like a shared apartment thing like he goes somewhere reader doesn’t know about

and then a day passes and he’s like “oh no i fucked up” and comes to readers apartment to apologize

happy ending? tysmmm🎀

I was like sure, let's writing something short and quick but somehow it turned into 6 pages lol. hope u enjoy it :)

The pros of being an insanely hot couple? A lot of sex and affection, a lot of people wanting to be like you and a lot of praise and admiration.

The cons of being an insanely hot couple? A lot of people trying to take your place, a lot of jealous envy and a lot of insecurity.

“Baby, you look incredible”, Hyunjin whispered into your ear as he hugged you from behind. You were standing in front of the mirror, admiring your look for the night. “I wanted to look good for you”, you shyly admitted as you leaned into him. “There is absolutely nothing you have to do to accomplish this, y/n. Nothing, you hear me?”

Ever since you met Hyunjin a couple of weeks ago your whole world turned around. You were used to dating a lot and having fun, but this was different. He was different. Both of you fell for the other rather quickly, a romance that revealed a hidden side within you.

“I want to kiss you so badly”, you whined.

“Why don’t you?”

Instantaneously, you pointed to your lips covered in deep ruby red.

“Ah”, he nodded understandingly. “Is it okay then if I do this?”, Hyunjin asked before kissing every inch of your collarbone, slightly sucking to mark his territory.

Hyunjin was a confident guy, knowing damn well that he was good looking and talented and still he felt conflicted at times. What if this was not enough? What if he was not enough for you? Since you were in your early dating stages, he never had vocalized his concerns, but his body did. His need to be near you, touch you and possess you was evident from the start.

“Jinnie, stop”, you giggled as you pushed him away.

Irritation grew on his face, not understanding why you were distancing yourself.

“I’m gonna be covered in marks that everyone is going to see”, you teased.

He felt his chest tighten. Did you not want others to see them? Did you want to be perceived as single? His own sparks of insecurity got ignited again, waiting to turn into a full-size fire.

The club was crowded with people of all kinds – dancers, jocks, hot models, a real feast for the eye. You were used to people turning their heads, especially when you were together with Hyunjin. It never bothered you that much since you knew how devoted he was to you.

“Can I tell you something?” You were laying on his chest, watching him breathe calmly. “Sure.” “I found your old DVDs in the basement, and I started watching them while you were at work. Binging them, really. And I saw something that really stuck with me”, he explained silently. “What was it?” “Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours”, he explained softly. You turned your head and gazed into his teary eyes. “We haven’t been together that long, I know. But this is exactly how I feel, y/n. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore. Cannot. Do not want to. Impossible.” You started tearing up as well, finally feeling at home with another soul. You placed a soft kiss on his plush lips and whispered: “I’ll be your Carry, baby.”

“Come dance with me”, you shouted as you pulled him to the dance floor. It was hot and sticky, but you didn’t mind, in fact you loved it like that. The music was energetic and vibrant, filling the whole room with energy and life force. You only had eyes for Hyunjin, watching his body move gracefully to the music. When he danced, he became one with the tunes, one with the movements. He smirked as he caught you staring, knowing damn well that you were weak for his dancing. As the song changed into a slower, sexier one you found yourself in front of him, grinding on his muscular body. All the other people were forgotten as you swayed your hips on him, feeling him getting hard behind you. His hands on your body and his hot breath on your neck was all you needed to know.

Hyunjin however was more prone to your surroundings. He enjoyed having you like that, but he hated sharing you with others. He was too aware of the other pair of eyes that was set on you. Like a reflex, he pulled you closer, grabbed a bit harder and provoked your surrender, demonstrating whom you belonged to.

“Fuck, baby, if you keep this up, we have to go”, you moaned into his ear.

“Let’s do that”, his whole face lit up. “Let’s get out of here, y/nnie.”

“But we just came?”, you whined in annoyance.

Hyunjin’s eyes darkened as his gaze pierced through you. Just like that, goosebumps formed on your skin, electricity cursed through your body making you feel all hot. He knew exactly what he was doing to you.

“I’m going to the bathroom really quick to fix this situation right here”, he said as he nodded to his crotch, “and when I come back, we leave, you hear me?”

You swallowed and nodded, already anticipating the night ahead.

“Good girl.”

He placed a kiss on your forehead and turned around, quickly looking for the bathroom.

You walked over to the exit and leaned against the cold wall, waiting for your boyfriend, already picturing him doing unspeakable things to you. You were so engulfed in your naughty daydreams that you didn’t even notice the guy from the dancefloor approaching you.

“Hey!”

“Oh, hi”, you replied politely.

“I saw you dancing earlier, damn you got moves!”, he complimented you.

“Thanks”, you replied drily.

“So uhm, would you like to have a drink with me?”

“No”, you shook your head.

“Why not?”

“Well, if you saw me dancing earlier you must have seen my boyfriend behind me, right? That’s why.”

“Shit, sorry. I kinda hoped that he was just another guy hitting on you.”

“Far from that.”

“He’s that great, huh?”

“Y/N”, Hyunjin called out angrily while glaring at the other guy.

You were taken aback by his tone, feeling anxious so you followed him without saying a word.

Fumingly, he marched to the car, while you were trying to keep up. Hyunjin placed both of his hands on the cold metal of the vehicle as he was trying to calm himself.

“Jinnie”, you called out softly.

“Don’t fucking call me that, y/n.”

“What?”

He turned around and faced you, his pupils were dilated, and his nostrils flared – he was angry as fuck.

“Don’t fucking call me that when you were flirting with some dickhead behind my back!”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Of course, I am. That bastard was eye-fucking you while we were dancing, and I left you alone for 5 minutes and you were already cozying up to him?”

“Cozying up to him? Cozying up to him? Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“What? I know what I saw!”

“Enlighten me, then. What did you see?”

“I saw you all smiley and giggly, you were practically shooting heart eyes emojis at him! Is that why you hated me giving you hickeys on your collarbone? So, everybody could see you were available?!”

You felt the punch to your stomach, making it harder to breathe. Every single word of his was laced in the most painful accusation, one that you had been familiar with way too often.

“Yeah, you’re right. I was flirting back and shooting heart eyes emojis at him. It was so much fun! And I was damn grateful that my body was free of your damn hickeys!”, you retorted angrily.

Hyunjin was about to explode, not being able to differentiate between your lies and his perceived reality.

Wordless, he turned around and got into the car. You looked at him one last time, hoping that he would come to his senses – but he didn’t. The loud sound of his engine disturbed the quiet of the night and not seconds later he was gone.

What should have been a fun night out for a young couple turned into a vicious disaster. One was crying hiding in the dirty toilet of a club, while the other was crying racing down the highway. Promises of forever love turned into accusations of unfaithfulness, painting your rosy world of adoration into black loneliness.

You had no idea how you made it back home, nor did you care. The following day was torture – you were ruminating over everything, trying to understand what had happened yesterday. Deep sadness filled your whole being. Hyunjin did not call, nor text. He vanished out of your life, just like he vanished into the night air yesterday. Was that it? Was it over?

“Damn, you look like shit. Why are your eyes so puffy?”

Hyunjin pulled the covers over his head, trying to dissolve into thin air.

“Hey, come on. Talk to me”, his friend encouraged him.

“I may have made the biggest mistake of my life yesterday.”

“Oh my god, did you cheat on y/n?”

“What? No. Of course not. I would never do that”, he explained.

“What did you do then?”

“I accused her of cheating on me.”

“Shit, sorry.”

“Don’t be. This was the last time I let my demons take over”, he mumbled as he left his room.

By evening, you felt better – at least good enough to go for a walk and clear your head. Minutes after you left Hyunjin appeared at your door – holding a giant bouquet of flowers in his trembling hands. He rang your door hundreds of times, knocked on it until his knuckles were swollen and called out for you until his throat was sore. But nothing.

Defeated, he slid down to the ground and thought of what to do.

“Y/N, I made a big mistake yesterday. I am so sorry. I should have never accused you of shit like that.”

He was wiping away his tears again, the thought of loosing you made his heart break every single time.

“You see I’m not perfect. Far from it. Yet somehow you seem to think that way. And I just… I just wait for the shoe to drop. For you to finally realize that I’m nothing special.”

“Jinnie”, you called out his name while stopping in front of your apartment. His eyes widened in surprise, immediately followed by relief. “You didn’t open up because you hated me but because you weren’t home…”

“Don’t flatter yourself, hate is on the top of the list right now”, you glared angrily.

He lowered his head in defeat.

“Are those for me?”, you nodded to the bouquet of flowers.

“Yes.”

You opened the door and passed by him. “Put them in a vase, then.”

Surprised, he got up on his feet and followed you inside.

“Can we talk?”

You sat across from him, giving him the cold shoulder.

“Talk.”

“Y/N, I am sorry. Please believe me, I am so sorry. I was seeing things, I let my insecurities win and I accused you of shit you didn’t do. Please, forgive me.”

“What did you think happened there?”

“I saw you guys talking and then I saw red. Like, you were smiling from ear to ear, practically shooting heart eyes emojis at him. I just, I just saw red.”

You sighed deeply, finally understanding where he was coming from.

“You’re right. I was shooting heart eyes emojis at him.”

“What?” Hyunjin’s heart was about to explode.

“But only because I was talking about you, Jinnie. He asked me out for a drink, and I explained to him that I already found the greatest guy on earth. I was gushing over you, like a freaking fan girl.”

“He’s that great, huh?” “Oh my god, yes. He is the greatest. No really, he is great at everything. Dancing, painting, loving? The best. He is also the kindest and loveliest guy I ever met. Always caring for the ones he loves. Never a dull moment with him. He makes me laugh so much. I swear I got abs because of him. And did you see how handsome he is? Fuck me, it’s like God created him himself and brought him to earth, so we could adore him. Fucking masterpiece, that man.” “Okay, okay, I got it”, the guy gave up. “Must be one hell of a lover.” “One hell of a lover. One hell of a soul. My soul, actually.”

“I feel like the biggest idiot right now”, he admitted ashamed.

“Yeah, you should feel like that.”

“I’m sorry, y/nnie. Can you forgive me?”

Silence lingered between the two of you, only for a moment, until you got up and walked over to him. You put your arms around his lean torso and hugged him tightly, willing to put this past you.

Hyunjin’s body finally relaxed, as he hugged you back. His lips landed on the crown of your head, simply resting there, and holding you close.

“Jinnie, wait. There is something else you need to know.”

He released you from his grip and looked at you anxiously.

“What is it?”

“When I was younger, I got bullied for hickeys. My first boyfriend always left them on my neck and the others harassed me for it, calling me slut and all sorts of names. So, it’s true, I don’t like them being visible.”

Hyunjin’s heart broke once more – for one because you had to endure this harassment, but also because he bullied you himself.

“I’m sorry, y/nnie. I won’t do that ever again.”

“Wait, no. I love your hickeys. I love your lips on me, I really do. But can we, maybe, agree to leave hickeys in places only we can see?”, you asked shily.

Hyunjin chuckled and pulled you in for a kiss, promising to do just that.

“I really meant what I said. I can’t imagine my life without you. I really can’t.”

You grabbed his hands and squeezed them, agreeing you felt the same way.          “I feel like we should talk about your insecurities, but I’m drained from last night.”

“Let’s relax for now, baby.”

“What do you want to do?”

Hyunjin’s lips turned upwards, forming the loveliest yet sneakiest smile.

“Okay, fine. I get the popcorn and you switch on the TV. Sex and the city marathon it is”, you rolled your eyes at him teasingly.

[st-danger]

hi !! can we get ifrit having fun with phantom please ?

He gets along with everyone, immediately. There's no dancing around any of the others, no need to dip his toes into the water gingerly when it comes to getting to know them. Aeon is simply summoned and welcomed and finds it terribly easy to hit his stride from the get go.

You fit in well, Ifrit tells him at mass one night, eyes crinkling in the corners as he smiles and somehow still manages to seem dangerous even when trying to appear friendly. Perhaps it's the proximity that throws him, the closeness with which Ifrit sits on the pew beside him when he's sure there could be more space. He knows very little- well, is given very little information about Ifrit, who spends more time in the back rooms and shadows of the abbey since packing away the guitar. At some point, they'll all learn what a curious creature Aeon is, prone to exploration by any means possible. It's but a small shame that it will take them a moment to catch up with how quickly Aeon is prone to explore his interests.

By the time Aether actually has a moment to tell Aeon that Ifrit is an older summon, less refined, less patient- more prone to giving in to wants with no hesitation-

Well. The warning would have gone unheeded before, but by the time it happens, Aeon's already let the curiosity steer him down a dimly lit corridor. Into a dimly lit room.

He allows curiosity to pull him into Ifrit's lap, allows curiosity to force him as if controlled by strings to run his hands up Ifrit's arms, feeling and squeezing the muscles. Indulgent, Ifrit smiles that same, unsettling smile, and adjusts so he can flex his bicep for Aeon to feel.

"How strong are you?" Aeon asks, caressing. His tone is amused and relaxed, for now. He's just so interested, excited at the thought of discovery. The nerves will come later, but they aren't here now. Later, his breath will hitch in his chest and his eyes will go wide and worried while he pants out harsh breath and his body will tremble with fear and uncertainty- of this, Ifrit will make sure. But for the next few moments, Aeon is sweet and easy prey. Food to toy with, and utterly pleased with that role. He continues feeling his arm, smiling a crooked little grin with crooked little teeth. The smile only grows when Ifrit's other hand lands heavy on his thigh.

"Stronger than you," Ifrit murmurs, nostrils flaring while he scents the air on his next inhale, breathing in the electrical sparks of arousal rolling off Aeon, so close. It would be easy to push him to the ground and take him. Easier still when that's what Aeon wants him to do.

"Oh, yeah, of course," Aeon says, pleased. "But how much?" He draws his hands to Ifrit's chest, rubs flat palms over him there, and Ifrit allows it. Fights the urge to grab and grope and take and instead- like a gentleman, allows Aeon to feel and explore and grind against his thigh enough to work himself up more. "Bet you could carry me pretty easily, huh? Even if I tried to make it difficult."

Ifrit takes a deep, slow breath in and inhales the smell of the blood rushing through Aeon's veins and doesn't bother to hide the way it makes his mouth water.

"If I wanted to," Ifrit says in a low, measured tone, "it wouldn't matter what you wanted."

Aeon hums, pleased. Gaze dropping to Ifrit's mouth, and then he ducks down for the briefest tease of a kiss, the softest most maddening excuse for one, but enough to seal his own fate.

"Prove it."

[turtletaubwrites]

Numbers Game ~ Part 14

Pairings: Cross Guild x Fem!Reader

Numbers Game Masterlist

Word Count: 5371

Ao3 Link

Summary: Party plans are coming along, and your hard work is rewarded, but it seems like secrets keep on growing.

Author's Note: I am so jealous of our numbers girl 😭

Rating/Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content, 18+ ONLY, MDNI, AFAB!Reader, She/Her Pronouns for Reader, Reader-Insert, Swearing, Smut, Fluff, Manipulation, Humiliation, Pet Names, Power Imbalance, Cross Guild boys are VILLAINS, Possessive Behavior, Teasing, Threats, Size Difference, Daddy Kink, Overstimulation, Degradation, Unprotected Sex (stay safe out there), Bondage, PIV Sex, Large Cock, Masturbation, Cunnilingus, Multiple Orgasms, Comeshot, Dom Mihawk, Dom Crocodile, Switch(?) Buggy, Death Threats, VERY Inappropriate Use of Akuma no Mi | Devil Fruit Powers, Shameless Shameless Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

| masterlist | about me | rules | ao3 |

So many hands and lips on your skin, yet all you could feel were the weight of those words.

“You would… ”

“I’ll cut them down for you,” Mihawk whispered, rubbing his face along your neck and ear until your back arched for him. “We’re the only ones that get to make my little rabbit cry. What are their names?”

Crocodile let out a low hum as he settled closer to you, kissing across your shoulder while Buggy smoothed his hands over your legs.

“I don’t…” you choked out, closing your eyes against the dizziness that spun through you. 

“Come here, sweetheart,” Crocodile soothed as he pulled you against him. “Let’s get some sleep. You can write up your kill list in the morning.”

A dream. This is all some crazy dream.

A soft whimper left you as the hot tears staining your cheeks were caught just in time, and you knew it was Buggy’s fingers wiping them away. You sputtered, breathing too fast as you tried to gulp down air, to swallow the overwhelm. Mihawk touched your cheek before letting Buggy join his hands, sliding his body between yours.

“Hey, pretty star,” he soothed, stroking your hair while you clung to him. “I’ve got you.”

~

“How’s my girl?”

Dreams of stormy seas pulled away as that deep voice warmed the back of your neck. 

“Good,” you hummed, Crocodile’s body pressing in behind you. Opening your eyes, you saw Buggy still asleep, having rolled away from you onto his back. Mihawk’s amber eyes shined at you, and your lips parted to see him curled around the clown, resting his head against the other man’s chest while he stared at you. 

“Good. It’s been ages since I had a decent hunting trip. None of your enemies happen to be swordsmen, do they?”

Buggy tensed awake, his body frozen like he was playing dead, while you just gaped at Mihawk. Their offer came rushing back into your stormy mind, and you had no idea what to do with it. 

I can’t.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

All the bodies on the mattress went still.

“You trust us, don’t you,” Crocodile rasped, his voice somehow toeing a line between soothing and threatening. “You can tell us what you want.”

“I told you what I want,” you mumbled, breath catching in fear yet again. Buggy’s hand found your arm, and his warning grip on you was the only movement on the massive bed.

What am I doing?

“Why don’t we get some breakfast,” Mihawk offered lightly. “I prefer discussing murder after my espresso anyway.”

~

There was such a strange tension while you prepared for the day, while Mihawk carried you to the balcony, while they all stared at you over their plates. Chewing the inside of your lip as you tried to eat, you felt their gaze like a weight over your shoulders.

You realized why the tension felt so strange. It felt like the air in a room after a couple’s spat. 

I’m not afraid they’ll hurt me. I’m afraid they’re mad. 

“I’m sorry,” you spilled out, eyes wide as you looked between them all. “I trust you, I’m just not ready to talk about my past right now. Especially if you want me to focus on the party. I don’t want to be distracted.”

You’d expected Buggy to react the best to your apology, but he kept a hint of worry, maybe even hurt in his eyes as he smiled. 

“Alright, sweetheart,” Crocodile nodded, lifting your chin toward him. “But I like secrets just about as much as I like lies. We can wait until after the party, but my patience won’t last forever.”

Mihawk chuckled softly as ice slid down to your gut, and it was only his prodding that got you to eat a decent amount of your meal before you were carried to your desk, your notebook and transponder snail pushed toward you. 

I hate this. I fucking hate this.

Falling into work mode, you schmoozed with your contacts as if you’d never left your old life. That itchy feeling crawled up your spine during every moment of silence, your loud, guilty thoughts only dulled by your work.

It was a long day.

You gratefully accepted a glass of velvety wine as you sat on the couch, Buggy across from you on that green chair. He had a pad of paper on his knee, twirling a pencil in his fingers with a silly amount of flair. He looked so fucking cute like this, his brow creased in thought while he looked up at the ceiling, quirking his lips before jotting down notes. Crocodile and Mihawk had very reluctantly put him in charge of the entertainment, and he was taking it quite seriously.

“We have a full list of attendees, and most will be arriving with a plus one. Here’s the details for the three backers I confirmed today, they’re donations will more than pay for the event,” you reported, pride pushing away some of that tension. “They will expect VIP treatment, of course, but that–”

“Amazing work, sweetheart,” Crocodile praised as he lit a cigar, puffing it a few times while you smiled up at him. 

“You really are a treasure, aren’t you,” Mihawk purred, flipping through your notes. “I’m curious though, what does this, “U,” mean?”

He set your list of contacts in your lap, flipping through a few pages to point out the clients you’d marked with that letter.

“All of your other descriptors are highly detailed, and not a single contact with that letter was invited to the party. Surely we should expand our list of potential backers as much as possible.”

“Let me see,” Crocodile huffed, grabbing your notes to toss on the coffee table. He leaned over them, flipping through the pages before pushing them aside. You let out a yelp of surprise when he grabbed you, but didn’t resist when he sat you on the table to face them both. 

“You just told us the invite list was full, yet you didn’t call any of these people with the letter, “U,” next to their names. Explain.”

His scarred face was like a force of nature, like looking into a sandstorm that you knew would swallow you whole. 

“It means un-unreliable,” you gasped, feeling the heat of their scrutiny against your skin. Your next words were hurried, but steadier. “I can call them if you want me to, and I would have if we hadn’t confirmed so many guests. But they talk too much, and they run in circles that could cause issues for the guild. A lot of them have connections to the Marines. I should have explained, I’m sorry.”

It’s not a lie. It’s not a lie. It’s not a lie.

“Why are you so afraid, little rabbit?” That whispered taunt made you shiver as Mihawk took your wine glass, before lifting one of your hands to his lips. “Did you just remember who we are? Only a few days of spoiling you, and you already forgot that you answer to us now, not some failed party clown.”

Crocodile leaned toward you, his hand on your thigh while he studied your face. 

“That idiot didn’t listen to your work, but I expect full reports from now on. You’ll tell us everything you’re doing and why you’re doing it, you got that?”

“Yes, sir,” you nodded, gratitude flooding you. 

“Good girl,” Mihawk teased, pulling you back onto the couch. “I would hate to punish you over a misunderstanding. That’s all it was, right?”

“Yeah,” you chirped, catching Buggy’s wide eyes. He looked away quickly, staring at his notes, but his cute thinking process was gone, the pencil not meeting the paper again. 

Thank gods for wine.

A few bottles amongst the group left the awkwardness behind, until nothing but their skin on yours remained. No need to hide on that bed, no need to be anything but theirs. 

That thought tugged you out for just a moment, but you smiled as you gave yourself to these three bad men, yet again.

I chose to be theirs.

~

The tension of that day faded, replaced by that comforting, delicious danger you were always in. They carried you from room to room for the next few days until a shipment arrived. Trunks were carted into the suite after dinner, and Buggy’s floating hands started to open them while you sat nude on the bed. 

“Get your grubby hands off her clothes,” Crocodile ordered lazily, pointing to the trunk on the right. “Bring that one here.”

It was hard to keep your eyes open while Mihawk kissed the back of your neck, long fingers leaving circles on your thighs, until Crocodile leaned down to kiss your cheek.

“Open this one.”

His deep voice was so soft, and you hummed as you reached for the clasp, lifting the heavy lid.

What the fuck?

“Well,” he asked, tapping the contents with his hook. “Do you like them, or should I send for something else?”

“N-no, I love them,” you squealed, grabbing a book from the pile, and running your fingers over the dragon on the cover. You flipped the pages, that lovely scent making you shiver. “Fantasy books…”

You laughed to yourself as you remembered that dinner on the balcony when he’d asked you what you like. Crawling onto his lap, you kissed up his neck while he let out a low chuckle. 

“Thank you, daddy.”

“Mm, anything for my sweet girl.”

“Yes, bring it to the door,” Mihawk ordered into the transponder snail, pulling your attention for a moment, which the scarred man pulled back when he fisted his hand into your hair, sucking marks onto your neck. 

The movements and voices in the room didn’t distract you this time, until a very particular sound rang through the air. 

A meow.

“Really,” Crocodile asked dryly when you left his arms, searching for that sound. 

Mihawk stood by the door, a smug smile tugging at his lips before he met your eyes.

“Would you like to hold him, darling?”

“Why…”

“You like cats, don’t you?”

Your brain paused, the cognitive dissonance these men kept putting you through making it hard to think. 

But another meow from the little brown tabby in Mihawk’s arms shook you loose, and soon you were sitting on the plush carpet, laughing while Buggy floated a gloved hand around like a toy for the cat to chase. 

“Look at all of our pets on the floor,” Mihawk laughed, setting a hand on Crocodile’s shoulder, removing it at the larger man’s narrowed eyes. “Come now, you’re not a fan of animals?”

“I prefer scales to fur,” he grumbled, meeting your smile with a sigh. “And I was hoping not to have to share Y/N’s attention with anymore men.”

You giggled, the furry man in question already bumping his head along your legs, and climbing onto your lap. 

“Does he have a name,” you asked, grinning as your new cat tried to crawl up to your shoulders, rubbing his face along your chin. 

“Not that I’m aware of. He was a stray.”

The image of Mihawk hunting the island for stray cats was too much, so you put it out of your mind while you searched for a name. 

“Adam.”

All three men repeated you, each with a hilariously different tone.

“That’s the least flashiest name ever,” Buggy pouted, scratching behind Adam’s ears. 

“Surprisingly, I agree,” Mihawk chided, tilting his head like a hawk about to fly down to steal the poor cat from your hands. “Why–”

“Why Adam?”

Crocodile’s interruption made everyone but Adam go silent, too much weight in the simple question. Heat rushed to your face, and you blinked up into his serious eyes. 

“It’s from a story my dad used to tell me,” you confessed, closing your eyes as you smiled at the memory of his voice. “About a magic tree that survived endless wars. People kept coming back after the island was destroyed, and they’d rebuild around that invincible tree, the—”

“The Jewel Tree Adam,” Buggy asked, his blue eyes shining as he scooted closer. “It’s not just a story. I sailed on a boat made from a Jewel Tree.”

“Shut up,” you laughed, stealing a kiss from those red lips before anyone could stop you. 

“That wood’s been sold on the black market. It’s rare, but it’s real,” Crocodile asserted. Once again, your mind stopped functioning, Adam bringing you back again, this time with his paw reaching toward your face. 

“So it is a flashy name,” you teased, sticking your tongue out at Buggy.

“Barely,” he rolled his eyes as Mihawk sighed in defeat. 

You helped Buggy arrange Adam’s things in the suite, until Mihawk pulled the cat away from you. 

“Don’t worry, darling. I had my old suite set up for our furry friend. He’ll be across the hall in his own little castle while we rip you apart. I’m sure you wouldn’t want the poor thing to see what we’re about to do to you.”

“You set up…” 

“I’ll show you the cat paradise tomorrow,” he huffed a laugh, petting Adam as he lounged comfortably in his arms. “Now be a good little rabbit for me, and I’ll try to convince Sir Crocodile to let the cat sleep in here when we’re done.”

“Not happening,” Crocodile drawled, hanging up his robe before sitting on the edge of the bed, patting his knee. “Why don't you finish thanking me, since we were so rudely interrupted earlier?”

His satisfied smile made your skin flush as you moved toward him, and you saw his cock twitching beneath his boxers, growing as he watched your bare skin. It made your mouth fall open with need, and with caution that you didn’t think would ever go away. 

“Mm, is my sweet girl still scared of her daddy,” he taunted, palming himself through the thin fabric. 

“But what about...” you started, turning around as Mihawk returned to the room. “I didn't try on any of the clothes.”

“It’s too late for that now,” Mihawk laughed, walking toward you until you backed up against Crocodile, those large thighs surrounding you. “It looks like your daddy wants to check how well you fit something else, isn’t that right?”

“I know she’ll fit just fine. Huh, babydoll,” he pulled you to him, moaning softly at your desperate noises, and your instinctive writhing when your ass rubbed against his hard length. “Did you like daddy’s present?”

“Mhm.”

“Not as much as she li–”

“Why don’t you go sleep in your little cat paradise,” Crocodile cut Mihawk off, his shifting attention keeping you from relaxing into him. 

“I’ve got another pussy in mind for tonight,” the swordsman quipped, and you gasped as a floating hand grabbed yours, tugging you out of reach. 

Buggy wrapped himself around you from behind, so you were caught in his warmth as you both looked at the frightening men in front of you.

“When you fight, she wants me.”

Buggy’s words made you feel too many things at once. They felt sweet, and sad, and territorial, and you didn’t know how to react.

“Is that true, little rabbit,” Mihawk asked, danger growing in his voice. “Do you want the clown?”

Oh, that sounds like a punishment waiting to happen. 

But I can’t lie.

“I do.”

Buggy’s soft noise made you melt against him, until you pressed against that heavy need of his, both of you reacting to the touch.

“Do you see this, Crocodile,” Mihawk gestured toward you with a wicked smirk. “It seems she didn’t like either of our gifts. Would you rather have what this clown can give you?”

You’d started to shake just a bit, not knowing which direction you should turn. Mihawk’s words always seemed to twist you where he wanted you anyway. 

Crocodile took pity on you, clearing up the question. 

“Sweetheart, would it make you happy to fuck that stupid clown?”

Buggy let out another squeak, but he pulled away from you slightly, so you wouldn’t feel how much he needed you. 

“It would make me happy.”

As if he couldn’t help it, Buggy pressed against you again, making you gasp as he rubbed his clothed cock along the meat of your ass, pretty little noises leaving his throat. 

Mihawk charged toward you, and you couldn’t help but noticed the hard weight of his cock through his silk pajama pants. He gave an evil little smirk as he looked down at you, grabbing your cheeks to tilt your face.

“Such a spoiled little rabbit. We give you so many things, so many gifts, but that’s not enough, is it? My precious little slut needs another toy. Needs another cock, even when she’s all stuffed up. What do you think, Crocodile? Does she deserve another gift tonight?”

“Maybe my sweet girl hasn’t realized she’s grown out of her old toys.”

Mihawk’s laugh was sharp, too pleased, and your breath caught when he kissed you, and then Buggy on the cheek. 

“Good point, sandman. Alright, little treasure, we showered you with gifts tonight, and now you get to play with your old favorite toy. Let’s see if it’s still as much fun to play with after we’ve been spoiling you so much.”

You were frozen when Mihawk gestured toward the bed, but Buggy picked you up, floating you to the center of the mattress before crawling up your body, caging you in. 

“This okay, star,” he whispered, barely audible. It woke you up, and you nodded with a smile before he kissed you.

“Just a moment, pets,” Mihawk called, bringing your eyes to him. He and Crocodile pulled the couch all the way up to the bed, staring with hungry eyes that made you shiver. “We want to see if your old toy is still worth playing with. Croc, what do you think her minimum is with us?”

“Four. Minimum,” he said, voice rough as he pulled his boxers off, his massive dick like a looming threat. 

“That sounds about right,” Mihawk agreed as he followed suit, stripping before lounging on the couch, his thick cock drawing your eyes as it twitched slightly. “Let’s see if this toy can pull four orgasms out of our little whore, since she wants to keep it so badly.”

“What if he can’t,” Crocodile asked, his voice full of more dangerous humor than he usually had with Mihawk’s games. 

“There are so many pretty holes on that bed,” Mihawk threatened, his eyes raking over your skin, and Buggy’s as the clown stripped. “If she’s wrong about him after going against our wishes, I think we should break her, and her stupid toy.”

“You hear that, sweet girl,” Crocodile rasped, fingers moving lightly down his shaft, then pressing upward until you noticed that lovely bead of precum start to spill down the side. “Daddy keeps telling you to get over that pathetic clown, but you don’t fucking listen. This is your one chance to prove he’s worth it. If he can’t fuck you properly, then I’m gonna ruin you. Daddy’s cock is gonna tear you into pretty little pieces. You got that?”

“Yes, daddy,” you whined, back arching while Mihawk laughed at you. 

“Should we roll dice to see which hole gets destroyed first,” he smirked, seeming absolutely giddy watching you writhe. His hungry eyes flicked to Buggy as the clown crawled back to you, holding himself above your body. “I suppose it’s show time isn’t it. Go on, clown. Make my little rabbit scream, unless you want to be a useless toy for the rest of your life.”

The insults still made you cringe, but Buggy smiled at you, that gorgeous, blue hair falling down around you like a curtain. 

“Will you be my flashy girl,” he rasped, eyes flicking from your lips to your eyes. “Will you put on a real good show for me?”

“Yes, captain,” you breathed, moaning as he swallowed your smile with a needy kiss. 

“She’ll get that paint all over her,” Crocodile grumbled, but that was the last you heard from them as Buggy left trails of kisses and soft bites down your body, leaving your skin tingling while you laughed.

A gloved hand teased around your face, fingers pressing between your lips until you bit the fabric. He kissed your knees, grinning as you pulled his glove off with your teeth, like you had so many times before. He mirrored you with his other hand, tossing them off the side of the bed like a strip tease. 

Your breath caught when he positioned himself between your legs, so very close to where you needed him. 

“Want me to do that thing you like,” he asked, the heat and confidence in his words making your head tilt back before you could answer.

“Please, Bugs, I need you… ”

“Of course you do,” he agreed, tracing his face down your inner thigh until his breath teased your core. “No one can make you feel how I can, huh, baby?”

Dangerous words. 

Dangerous truth.

“No one, Buggy, please.”

“I’ve got you, gorgeous,” he purred as his hands pulled yours above your head, leaving one hand to trap yours there while the other caressed your body, toying with your chest. “Sing for your captain.”

Sloppy kisses to your clit made you squirm for him, whining as he sucked and teased, until you begged for more.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear ya down here. Whatcha need, dollface?”

“Gods, your tongue, your nose, Buggy, please.”

“Mm, your pretty pussy missed me that much?”

He chuckled as you whined for him, then tilted his face down to rub that perfect nose over and around your sensitive clit. Part of you heard voices, maybe laughter from the couch, but you were too busy pouting, still begging for more. 

“Your nose feels so good, baby. Give me more, please,” you pleaded as you shifted your hips, fighting for more friction. 

“Since you asked so nicely,” he winked, shoving his face into your dripping cunt while you cried out his name. 

It always felt like he was designed for this, that round nose giving the perfect pressure as he tasted you. You could feel him rutting against the mattress, his needy movements adding to the rhythm. 

That floating hand massaging your chest focused in, and the teasing pinch to your nipple was enough to push you over the edge. He kept that rhythm and pressure to your clit while you came, and you laughed when he yelled “one,” before returning to his work.

“Do you want me deep?”

His eyes were dark, and heavy with need as he checked in. The sight of his drenched, messy face made you moan, taking a few breaths before you could answer.

“I want you so bad, Buggy, please. You make me feel so good,” you praised, gasping as that teasing hand wrapped fingers around your throat, warning, but not squeezing yet. 

“Want me–”

“Choke me, Buggy, fucking take m–”

So many sensations at once. That lovely hand around your neck pressing tight, his face diving into your core as his nose circled your clit again, and his tongue going deep. 

He licked and tasted you, like he was licking his plate clean, but that wicked tongue went further. 

It had freaked you out a bit when he first tried it on you, but there was nothing in the world that could compare to Buggy’s tongue sinking all the way into you, that thick muscle tasting parts of you that no one could touch. It circled around inside you on its own until he found that sweet, spongy spot.

His tongue fucked into that spot, and tears streamed from your eyes while you screamed his name through his choking grasp. He didn’t let up as you rode through that orgasm, just released your throat to raise two fingers toward the couch. 

“Gods, oh fuck, Buggy. It’s too mu–”

His hand clamped over your mouth, and he lifted just enough to shake his head, his tongue too busy for him to reply. He released your face, that hand teasing along your body while he kept up his attack, until he pressed his palm against your lower stomach.

The pressure of his tongue ramming against you from the inside meeting his hand felt like being hit by a fucking train. Your hands almost broke free as you spasmed, the sheer force of pleasure turning you into nothing but twitching, desperate flesh while you came on Buggy’s face.

Your vision came back slowly, sweet hands smoothing over your skin. The feel of his tongue sliding out of you to return to its rightful place arched your back, aftershocks rolling through you. 

“Three,” Buggy bragged, leaving kisses on your arm. You hummed, hardly able to open your eyes.

“Ah, but the goal was four,” Mihawk taunted, his voice tensing through Buggy’s body beside you, “and it doesn’t look like Miss Y/N is able to finish the show. What do you think, Crocodile?”

“She knows what’s gonna happen to her,” he growled, and you rolled your head to the side to watch those frightening gray eyes. He looked at you like you were the last bit of food on a desert island, and his hand fisting over himself made your eyes roll back. 

“The show must go on,” Buggy laughed nervously, his well earned confidence already floating away. 

You reached out to him, your arms shaking until he crawled up your body. You returned his little smile, goosebumps rolling over your skin at the feel of him with you, and all he’d done. 

“Fuck me,” you whispered, voice hoarse from him. He looked you over, eyes pouring over your features, until he gave you another smile, wide and wicked. 

“Anything for my star.”

He wasted no time, his thick cock pushing into you easily with all the work he’d done. He let out little whimpers, and you clenched around him, wanting him so fucking bad. But he shook himself, rolling his hips into you as he brought a thumb to dance along your clit. 

“You like putting on a show,” he asked, his voice a bit strained as he fought himself. “I knew you were a star, and you’ve got the audience wrapped around your little finger, huh? Look at how hard their cocks are just for you. Give them a show, baby.”

Buggy’s breathing went rough as he fucked into you harder. He grabbed your cheeks, your lips pressing out as he made you look at them. 

Oh fuck.

Crocodile and Mihawk both had their cocks in their hands, jerking themselves off at the sight of you.

“Buggy, I’m–”

“Fuck, Y/N, you’re so fucking perfect…”

He held you close as you fell to pieces together. His racing heart, his ragged breaths, and the scent of his skin felt delicious. Even with the twitching of his cock as he spilled his come into you, even with the orgasm that rocked through you, the overwhelming feeling you had in Buggy’s arms was comfort.

“You feeling good, gorgeous,” he asked softly, kissing along your jaw.

“So good,” you hummed, gasping as he twitched inside you, your body clenching around his. 

“Well done, toys,” Mihawk praised as the weight on the bed shifted. “Now, open wide.”

“You looked so pretty for daddy,” Crocodile praised while Mihawk pulled Buggy off of you. “Be a good girl, and tell me where you want it.”

He bit his lower lip while you stared at his veiny cock, so fucking close. 

“My face. Come on my face, daddy, please.”

“Fuck, gods damn,” he groaned with a breathless laugh. “You are such a good girl. Mm, lick the tip for me sweet– fuck.”

You could already feel his come dripping down your skin when you reached out to taste him, his last shuddering moan making him thrust lightly against your mouth. 

“Look at you,” he purred, tracing his thumb over your lips after you licked them clean. 

“Our pets have been very well behaved today,” Mihawk praised, moving close beside the larger man before gesturing toward Buggy’s come-covered face. You let out a giggle, then tried to apologize when he met your eyes. 

“Not the matching face paint I was thinking of, but I’ll take it,” he interrupted with a wink, earning very subtle, but real chuckles from the other men on the bed. 

Crocodile pulled you against his chest, and you realized that in this moment you felt comfort with all three of these bad men. You grinned to yourself at the thought of what home meant to you while you watched Mihawk play with the come that had spilled down to Buggy’s chest. 

“Let’s get cleaned up, pets,” he said brightly, managing to crawl gracefully out of the bed. “We can’t have Adam curling up on these sticky sheets.”

“No cats on the bed,” Crocodile ordered, frowning at your pouting lip. “Don’t you start.”

“Sorry, daddy,” you laughed as you rolled away from him. 

Buggy grabbed your hand, and you laughed your way to the bathroom, leaving the other men to argue about the new furry roommate. Buggy tossed you a washcloth, and you both wiped what you could of those men off of your skin before he started the shower. He pulled you in to press you against the far wall. 

“There’s something I didn’t get to tell you before…” he whispered, tilting his nose away so he could be closer to your face while the water drowned out his words. “Can I tell you now, pretty star?”

His deep blue eyes seemed deeper than you’d ever seen, and your breath caught in your throat. 

Why am I tense? 

“Okay,” you managed to whisper, waiting to breathe properly again. 

He nodded a few times as he looked down, before cradling your face, rubbing his thumbs against your cheeks. 

“I know things are– well you know how it is, but…” he trailed off, scanning your face as if watching every movement. 

“Buggy…”

“I love you, Y/N,” he confessed, his brows lifting high as his breathing seemed heavy, heavier as he waited for you to reply. He stared at your parted lips until more words hurried out of him. “I loved you before, and I still love you now. You’re my pretty star, no matter what, right?”

The worry in his voice broke you out of your stupor, and you wrapped your arms around him. 

“Buggy, I–”

He pulled you under the water, the heat making you gasp as the door to the bathroom opened.

“Here you are, pets. Sir Crocodile’s list of expectations if Adam is to stay with us.”

Mihawk dropped a pad of paper onto the counter, cocking his head at you both while Crocodile followed close behind. 

“Why haven’t you started on that hair? It’s late enough as it is,” Mihawk tutted, and you couldn’t keep your mouth from falling open as you watched Mihawk take Buggy’s long hair into his hands. Buggy’s eyes fluttered shut at the swordsman’s touch, but his words kept ringing in your ears, even as Crocodile smiled at you, hunching down to rinse his hair. 

Adam wasn’t allowed in tonight, so it was just the four of you climbing onto that giant bed, four of you pressed in so close. You and Buggy curled in against each other’s chests, with Crocodile around your back, and Mihawk curling around Buggy to lay his long fingers somewhere along your side. 

Tonight Mihawk’s fingers teased along your ribs, his thumb almost tickling as it played down your stomach. Crocodile kissed the back of your head, and your comforting sleeping arrangement was complete. 

Something about the way Buggy held you felt different. 

Is it different? Or did I just not notice it before?

His breathing was slow, and the way he stroked your hair and pressed his lips to your forehead in a gentle kiss should have been comforting. 

You should have fallen asleep by now. 

Instead, you laid there as the three men around you fell asleep. You laid there in the most comfortable, most comforting position you’d ever been in. 

But you couldn’t fall asleep. 

Likes, comments, and reblogs bring me much ✨dopamine✨ thank you!!

a/n: BUGGYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! 😭🤡

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Part 15

Operation Olive Branch has compiled a working spreadsheet of ways to help families fleeing from the genocide in Palestine. If you enjoyed this fic, and are able, please click the link to find a list of GoFundMe's, as well as other ways to help.

| masterlist | about me | rules | ao3 |

[koshkamartell]

No One But Me

masterlist

previous

Oscar had expected to leave your doorstep that night feeling lighter and more at peace within himself. He was being truthful when he said that he just needed to confess his feelings to you. He was not expecting some miracle to magically manifest, a dream come to life that you miraculously confessed your own love for him.

He expected to depart with the weighty burden of his emotions no longer torturing him, returning to the lonesome quiet of his room to fall into a dreamless sleep. But instead, Oscar ended up treking back to his home in an almost bewildered state, with questions buzzing around his brain and a disturbing suspicion that something was not right.

He replayed your conversation over and over in his mind, trying hard to recollect the nuances of your body language and your voice, to remember your exact words. You had looked so small and sad standing at the threshold of your door in your pyjamas. Oscar had overheard Troy talking about the poker night at Tommy's earlier that day, so he chose that particular night to come to your door, knowing Joel would be at Tommy's.

Oscar may love you, but he would never encroach on your relationship with someone else. It didn't occur for him to try persuade you to leave Joel, to give him a chance instead - it just wasn't the kind of man Oscar was. Oscar couldn't even feel resentment toward Joel, even if Joel had never mentioned you. It wasn't his business.

Joel. Oscar couldn't believe you had been with Joel for so long. He was shocked, truthfully. He didn't feel betrayed or upset; he only felt disconcerted. Why hadn't you disclosed your relationship to him earlier? Surely you would have declared it if you were happy together, Oscar believed. So just why did you keep it a secret for so long?

Things haven't been good, you had sobbed to him. What exactly did that mean? Was Joel not treating you right?

While working together Oscar had witnessed the range of moods you cycled through. There were many times you appeared sad, so many moments when he had noticed the pensive set of your features while you were lost in some daydream. You had even cried in his arms. Did you not do that with Joel? Did he not comfort you?

Oscar dug the heels of his palms into his eye sockets and groaned wearily. Maybe his mind was purposely confusing him; perhaps he wasn't remembering things as accurately as he could have. But there was a gnawing apprehension inside him that he couldn't ignore. And if this apocalypse had taught Oscar anything, it was that gut instinct shouldn't be ignored.

The night of the argument Joel had stormed out of the dining room and out of the house straight after threatening to kill Oscar, leaving you no chance to debate him. You figured you should wait for the dust to settle and for Joel to cool down before potentially provoking his anger once more, anyway. There was no point in trying to discuss anything with him when he was so agitated; all reasoning seemed to disappear when he was in such a mood. It would have to wait until another day.

You weren't capable of rationally arguing with him, anyway. Your gut was a knotted mass of anxious despair to think of Oscar being in danger, to think that you were now completely trapped into being with Joel not just for Ellie but also for Oscar's safety.

You went to bed alone that night and cried into your pillow. You spent a long time tossing and turning in the sheets, the muscles all through your body far too tense for you to relax enough to fall asleep. You tried to read some more of your book but you couldn't concentrate on the words on the page.

Joel really thought you had cheated on him, had betrayed him somehow. But what was wrong with two friends meeting for lunch once in a while? It's not like you knew Oscar had such deep feelings for you at the time; infact you had been quite blind to the depth of his affection. You had always felt so unworthy of anything good in life that the idea of Oscar actually loving you was never something you'd ever considered before. Why would someone so pure and beautiful want you like that?

But that didn't matter now. You had met him at the wrong time in life and nothing could be done about it, you told yourself. It was easier to think that way and to just brush it off as bad luck, something of a subconscious attempt to stop you from mourning what could have been. If you stopped to consider the whats ifs, your heart would surely break.

After hours of rumination and reminiscing you eventually fell into a deep sleep. You did not wake when Joel returned home in the early hours of the morning and crept into bed next to you, bleary eyed and stinking of whiskey.

The following Wednesday you are sure Oscar would show up to the library for your usual lunch date. You knew him well enough to know he would not abandon your regular date, even after showing up at your cottage late at night to confess his love for you.

So just before your usual meeting time you stick a sign on the front door that said "closed for lunch break". You scribble a note for him on a small piece of paper which you fold and tuck under the door with his name written on the top. You feel like a coward telling Oscar you can no longer see him without a proper explanation, in a letter rather than face to face, but it is for the safety of you both.

You sit on the floor in the store room and read while you wait for your lunch break to finish, your stomach growling from lack of food.

You've been on edge around Joel since your argument last week. You're like a mouse, the way you creep around his house hoping to avoid the opportunity for him to initiate some kind of interaction. It isn't that you are scared of him, either. You want to avoid him because you cannot hide the twisting vine of resentment that's been growing inside your sternum; a burgeoning sense of indignation that you cannot suppress.

You aren't affectionate back to him when his hands ghost over your hips as he passes you in the hallway, or when he presses a kiss to your lips when he comes home in the evenings. You do not seek him out for any kind of pleasure but you also do not stop his advances, often waking in the middle of the night to his hard cock pressing against your ass and his mouth sucking at your neck. You submit to him again and again, and you cum again and again, but you resist the urge to cuddle to his warm, solid body after it is over.

Joel has moved most of your possessions into his house but the place does not feel like home to you. It lacks the warmth and comfort that your cottage owned in all its simple, run down charm. Joel's house is much more spacious, and despite being filled with paintings and different furnishings, the place exudes a kind of gloomy loneliness. There is no sign of cheer. Ellie's absence would have really hit Joel hard, you mused. Joel is probably quite lonely, although he would never admit it.

You retreat into the comfort of books and quests of research for your students. You bask in the ray of joy whenever Ellie pops in for a visit, and you take extra care preparing food she enjoys when she comes for the weekly family dinner. Every other meal time is subdued.

You sit beside Joel at the dinner table each night, sometimes reading a novel, sometimes wordlessly chewing and swallowing food that neither whets or satiates what little appetite you have. To his credit Joel tries to make some kind of conversation with you, usually by asking questions about your day, but his words come out awkward and stilted. He's not a big talker at the best of times and it is clear he is nervous, unsure how to best navigate the task of casually conversing with you. But he really does try.

"Ellie mentioned an experiment you were talkin' about with your class," Joel mentioned shyly one night, keeping his eyes trained on the soup bowl before him. "So, uh, how's that all goin' along?"

You wedged a finger inbetween the pages of your book and slowly closed it. You glanced up at him and licked your dry lips.

Joel asked you a direct question about your teaching duty. He actually paid attention to what Ellie had said about you and asked a question like he gave a shit. For the first time ever.

"Oh. Yeah. It's going good," you replied, feeling weirdly formal in your response. "It's for the science component of our curriculum. I'll be demonstrating chemical reactions."

Joel nodded without looking at you and cleared his throat. "Well...if ya need anything, like materials 'n such...I could get some stuff from the lumber yard, or the pharmacy."

You are taken aback by this offer. He really is trying.

"Oh," is all you could blurt out.

"Just let me know," Joel murmured as he scraped his spoon around the bowl.

"Okay. Thank you, Joel." You replied politely.

Joel just nodded, still not looking at you although he could surely feel your gaze upon him. You took the opportunity to absorb his features and really study him; the mess of dark and silver curls of his hair - which is in need of a trim, you think - and the soft scruff of beard smattering along his jaw, the worn wrinkles of his handsome tanned face. He almost appears serene. In this moment Joel is soft again, unencumbered by the burden of whatever demons plague him, and you are struck by how beautiful he looks.

You hate yourself for the twinge of adoration that pulses inside your heart, an agonising reminder of just how profoundly he has imprinted upon you.

This is the Joel I loved, you thought to yourself. Why did he have to hide for so long?

Joel opened his mouth to say something more but you spoke swiftly, cutting him off. You had to get out of the room before you could no longer resist the random urge to caress his face and kiss his plush lips.

"I'm feeling a bit off, I'm going to bed," you quickly blabbered, hurriedly standing up from the table and rushing to the bedroom to get away from him.

Once in the bedroom you shut the door behind you and flopped onto the mattress. You tucked your knees up into your chest, wanting to make yourself as small as possible.

Sometimes you wished he was always cold and cruel. It would hurt so much less if he did not show you these glimpses of kindness, of the kind of man he could be.

You felt like it was the right time to confront Joel. Things had calmed down significantly and Joel's attitude had softened enough for you to feel confident enough to talk to him. You couldn't just accept whatever Joel said without atleast trying to dispute it. You no longer wanted to be that weak little thing who bowed down to anything he demanded. You wanted to be strong and powerful like Rhi, or vivacious and carefree like Kate. You wished to be like the protagonists in your favourite books - headstrong, resilient, fierce characters - who fought against oppression. Maybe it was time for you to try. And the first step to achieving such a thing would be summoning the courage to use your voice.

One night after dinner you approached Joel in the living room as he poured himself a shot of whiskey. You cleared your throat to capture his attention.

"Joel," you announced, "I need to talk to you."

"Hm," he hummed without looking at you, seemingly unbothered as he pushed the cap back into the glass decanter.

You took a sharp inhale to steady your nerves. You can do this. "The rules. They aren't going to work."

Joel turned to look at you then, his brows creased. "What?"

"It'll affect everything. Like my job, Joel," you tried your best to sound assertive. "If I have to be home straight after school, I can't liaise with the other teachers. That means I might not be able to effectively teach the kids."

Joel nodded slowly, like he could see the merit in your point. "Schedule a meetin' with 'em once a week and I'll allow ya an extra hour that day." He replied smoothly.

His solution was simple enough and it could work; you did not need much time to plan your lessons when you only taught part time. Thankfully Joel valued education and knew the importance of you being able to teach according to a proper curriculum. But when it came to the next issue of contention you weren't so sure he would understand its importance to you.

"A-and what about my friends?" You asked, slightly breathless. "How can I keep my friendships if I don't ever see them?"

Joel brought the glass in his hand up to his mouth and took a shot of the amber liquid, his eyes watching you the whole time. "Tell 'em you're livin' with me and got work to do at home. You don't need to be wastin' time with those girls anyway." Joel retorted with total indifference.

Vexation and irritation bubbled in your guts at his words. You balled your hands into tight fists and narrowed your eyes at Joel. Kate and Rhi had both shown up on your lunch break at work on different days, curious about where you'd been lately and if you were okay. You were convincing enough to make some excuse about being busy with your work load now you were filling in for Mrs. Thompson, but you felt terrible for lying.

This whole thing was beyond unreasonable, you wanted to yell. Once, in the not so distant past, you would have agreed to such conditions without dispute. You would have easily adhered to whatever conditions that would make Joel happy. But something had changed inside you. You were determined not to prioritise Joel's satisfaction over your own anymore. Not after the heartbreak he has put you through for so long.

"And if I tell them the truth?" You questioned him, voice wavering just a little.

"Oh yeah? And what truth is that?" Joel asked with barely disguised derision in his tone. He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side with an air of condescension. You hated the way he made you feel like a foolish little school girl who had been caught misbehaving.

"That...that I can't see them because you're forcing these conditions onto me." You squeaked, digging your fingernails into your palms. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, you internally admonished yourself. Stay calm. "That you're just trying to control me."

Joel clicked his tongue. "These conditions are consequences of your own actions, sweetheart. I ain't forcin' anythin' on you."

Your mouth fell open in disbelief. He had indirectly blackmailed you into staying with him to keep Oscar safe and Ellie happy. How could Joel possibly contend that he wasn't forcing these conditions onto you? Was he so deluded that he couldn't recognise how obsessive his need for control over you was?

"But...I-I didn't even do anything wrong! I don't want to live with these rules," you stammered and shook your head vehemently. "I can't. Joel, you're making me."

Joel set his glass onto the mantle above the fire place and then stood with his hands on his hips, shaking his head gently. "Now you listen to me, sugar, cos I already explained this and I aint gonna do it again."

Joel spoke calmly, his tone smooth and authoritarian and so confident. It simultaneously scared you and irritated you. "Ain't no use fightin' about this. You're mine. Nothin' is gonna change that. And you need boundaries. So it's best for the both of us that you just accept it."

"But why do I need rules?" You bristled, fighting to resist stamping your foot like a petulant child. "I'm not a child, Joel, I'm a woman...and-and you can't treat me like I don't have a say in anything!"

"Havin' some rules in place keeps you from bein' around bad influences and it keeps us strong." He narrowed his eyes at you and concluded pointedly. "Help keep you faithful."

"Joel!" You snapped in exasperation. "I did not cheat on you! Not with Oscar, not with anybody! So just...just stop it!"

You hated the shrill edge to your voice but his obstinate resolution was starting to unravel your self control. Joel's expression darkened suddenly and he took a step toward you.

"Then why were you meetin' with him in secret like that?" Joel boomed, the dimple in his cheek visible for a brief moment. "Why were you hidin' that from me if you weren't fuckin' him?"

"I wasn't fucking him." You insisted with composed sincerity. "And our meetings weren't in secret. It was just the only time we were able to spend any time together."

You inwardly cringed at the sound of your own explanation, knowing full well that Joel would misinterpret your reasoning as still being deceptive. He scoffed and shook his head at you.

"I just didn't tell you, Joel," you said with a defeated sigh. "Because you wouldn't let us be friends if you knew. Because you hate any other man speaking to me, even when it is innocent."

You braced yourself for another argument and whatever insulting accusation Joel chose to throw at you next. You were already so exhausted by it all. You realised he will never be satisfied by your answers, will always succumb to the insecurity and distrust that plagues his heart. It pained your own heart to finally comprehend this, to become cognisant to the hopeless reality of this relationship.

But Joel didn't argue against this point. Instead, his shoulders slumped and he let out a heavy stuttering sigh, as if he was just as worn out as you were. Maybe he was.

"Why is he so special?" Joel lamented, his deep voice sounding hushed and wounded.

"Oh, Joel...I've been so miserable," you replied tiredly. You cupped your cheeks in your palms and sighed wearily. "And Oscar actually cared about me. He actually listened to me and tried to help me. That is what made him a good friend. That is why he is special."

"I didn't care for you? How could you say that?" Joel hissed indignantly, the evident pain in his sorrowful brown eyes actually making you feel an ounce of guilt. "All I've been doin' is care for you."

No! your mind suddenly screamed. You beat me with a belt and raped me!

"If you truly cared for me, you would have listened to me when I said stop or no." You responded softly. "You wouldn't have done what you did in the first place, Joel."

Joel's adams apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly. He opened his mouth as if to speak but just closed it again, seemingly lost for words. His silence encouraged you to challenge him further.

"Did you ever care enough to listen to me then?" You questioned him cooly.

"Thought we moved passed that," Joel muttered as he crossed his arms and looked away from you.

"You might have, but I haven't. And I don't think I ever will, Joel."

He was silent for a while, seemingly lost in his thoughts, his jaw ticking.

"How many times do I have to apologise?" Joel asked in a low, bitter tone. He rolled his eyes to look back at you and you could see the spark of aggravation in his orbs. "What else do I have to do to fix it?"

"You can't say sorry and expect me to forget everything you did to me!" You spat at him, dropping your hands from your face and clenching your fists once more. "That isn't how things work, Joel!"

"I know, alright?" He huffed. "I know."

You couldn't hold back the tears that were beginning to well in your eyes. You had held on for so long without crying, you stupid girl, you chastised yourself. The confrontation was slowly wearing you down, removing your armour bit by bit to expose the tender flesh of your emotions.

"So what do you want from me?" You asked dolefully, shrugging your shoulders in a weak gesture to indicate the hopelessness you felt. "To say I love you and act like nothing happened?"

Joel sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands, rough skin rasping over the scruff of his beard. He stared at you with forlorn hooded eyes and visibly gulped before he spoke.

"I don't know, alright? All I know is I love you," he whispered. "Just want you to love me, too."

Why did you wait so long? You wanted to scream in his face. Why did you hurt me so much and ruin everything?

"Joel," you murmured as you rubbed your temples with your fingertips. "If you really loved me, you wouldn't be keeping me here as a prisoner. You wouldn't be hurting me even more by doing this."

"I ain't hurtin' you - I'm protectin' what we have. I can't lose you." He took a step toward you and outstretched his big hand to you, imploring and supplicating. "I won't lose you."

You just stared at him and slowly shook your head, despondence and fatigue etched into your soft features.

"It's you I need protection from, Joel."

The impact of your words hit Joel like a knife being plunged into his chest cavity and piercing his heart. He took a step backward as his face contorted with hurt and shock, mouth falling open and eyes burning with betrayl. You had never seen him like that before - stung and vulnerable - and it genuinely surprised you to see him so perturbed.

This time, however, you didn't feel bad. You were speaking the truth - your truth.

The air in the room had suddenly become stifling, as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of the space. Your eyes were locked on each other and you felt all the muscles in your body tense, prepared to face the onslaught of whatever Joel was going to do in response to what you had just said.

The moment seemed to last forever but then something appeared to click inside Joel's mind. There was a visible shift in his demeanour; the sadness within his eyes dissipated and the features of his face hardened back into its usual stoic scowl. You noticed his hands clench and unclench nervously by his sides.

"So you think I'm a monster or somethin'?" Joel growled. "Well I don't give a shit. I ain't gonna have you ruin our family over this bullshit, so you're gonna accept whatever I say and stop fightin' me on all this."

Ruin our family.

You closed your eyes for a second, the image of Ellie's smiling face flashing in your mind.

Oh, dear Ellie.

You opened your eyes once again and were met with the sight of Joel's morose face, with his mouth downturned and prominent bags under his eyes, looking every bit his age. You were truly struck by how unless this whole situation was; the pushing back, the arguing, the energy and emotions expended. You would never escape it.

"Okay," you said robotically, no hint of emotion in your voice. "Okay, Joel. I won't ruin our family. But I can't love you the way I did. I can't change that. So if I accept your conditions, you must accept mine."

Joel didn't bother responding to you. He just turned on the heel of his boots and stormed out of the bedroom, leaving you alone in the room with nothing but a somber silence in his wake.

You couldn't possibly guess that he didn't want to be near you in case you could see the tears forming in his eyes and begin to trickle down his cheek. He rubbed the corner of his eye with the back of his knuckle and willed himself not to cry.

The first time you walk down the main street of Jackson next to Joel seems surreal. You aren't even really sure why he insisted on walking with you this morning. His gloved hand clutches yours tightly as he leads you towards the school building where your teaching lesson is due to start soon. You struggle to maintain the pace Joel has set and you end up lagging slightly behind him, but his grip on your hand propels you forward through the thick snow covering the ground. You feel like a scolded child being reluctantly dragged along by her parent.

You don't even really care about who is out and around town to witness the unexpected sight of Joel Miller with a woman for the first time in his history of residing in Jackson. There is no sense of pride or joy in your heart at finally having Joel openly affirm your place in his life. You are not an equal partner, not a girlfriend or a wife; you are nothing more than property that he owns.

The grip of his thick fingers over yours solidifies this. Joel's hold is more like a warning than a gesture of affection; a caution for you to uphold a happy facade or else something could happen to you or Oscar, or perhaps even the both of you.

His hand swallowing yours serves to remind you that you are under his control, that it is Joel who protects, and that it is he who also bends you according to his will.

You turn your face upward to the sky. It is depressingly dull with dark grey clouds that appear heavy with the promise of rain. You like the rain and the nourishment it brings your garden, particularly in the spring, but spring seems impossibly far away right this minute. With the frosty air currently numbing your cheeks and splintering your lungs with each inhale you take, you feel like spring will never come. And perhaps it won't - perhaps your beloved plants and flowers will remain dead and suffocated under layers and layers of snow.

It is the kind of morning that makes you wish you were still snuggled in bed, safe and warm within a bundle of blankets and your favourite sweater. But you need to substitute for Mrs.Thompson today and you need to show up for the children who crave knowledge and who flourish under your tutelage. You need to fulfil this purpose no matter how defeated and dismal you truly feel.

You can always go back to bed after school, anyway, you reason to yourself. It's not like you'll be able to do anything otherwise. You can nap for a couple hours until you have to get food ready for the weekly family dinner tonight.

You almost trip over your own boots when Joel comes to an abrupt stop infront of the school.

"I'll see ya at home," Joel murmers before he presses a soft kiss to the corner of your mouth. You just nod, feeling slightly disorientated. He gives your hand one last squeeze before turning around to make his way toward the stables. You watch the back of Joel's tall, board figure stalk away and round the corner into the neighbouring street. Once he's disappeared from your view you let out a soft sigh and your tense shoulders immediately slump.

You feel exhausted but you manage to push through the day. That evening you prepare the dinner table for Ellie's and Joel's arrival around 7.30pm. You arrange the bowls and cutlery in the usual places, mindful to set the larger bowl where Joel always sits. You hear the front door open just as you sit a pot of steaming soup in the centre of the table.

You put on a smile and walk out of the dining room into the living room to greet them. But it's not just Ellie's light hearted lilt and Joel's drawl that you hear; there's another voice amidst their chatter. There's a shuffle of boots and clunking, then they trail into the living room, still talking amongst each other. Then you spot the third mystery person walking behind Joel and your heart skips a beat.

It's Tommy.

"Hey there, little lady," he beams at you when he sees you. His dark eyes twinkle and his soft smile is warm and genuine. He's just as gorgeous as his older brother, and you feel your cheeks blush.

"Hi, Tommy," you give him a polite, shy smile. "How are you?"

"I'm doin' fine, what about yourself? Smells mighty good in here."

You can feel Joel's eyes on you, watching the interaction, but you pretend not to notice.

"Yeah, what's on the menu?" Ellie playfully nudges you with her elbow. "I'm starving."

"You're always starvin'," Joel grunts as he pulls off his gloves. Ellie rolls her eyes and unwinds the scarf from around her neck.

"How you manage to put up with these two is a mystery to me," Tommy chuckles. He smooths over his thick moustache with his thumb and forefinger and you can't help but marvel at how large and thick his hand is, just like Joel's.

"Can Uncle Tommy stay for dinner?" Ellie asks, looking between you and Joel.

Similar to Ellie, there's something about Tommy that seems to soothe you, to inspire a carefree gaiety inside your soul. Tommy seemed to have that affect on people, you thought. He was also a good husband to Maria, a dedicated father to his children, and an overall devoted and fair leader of the community. You would love to have Tommy stay but you didn't want to seem too excited, lest Joel find your enthusiasm suspicious. So you just nod and say ofcourse.

"Well," Tommy murmers, rubbing the back of his neck. "Maria is visiting Mrs. Thompson with the boys this evenin'..."

"That settles that, then," Ellie slaps her hand on his shoulder. "What's that saying? The more the merrier, or some shit?"

Tommy barks out a laugh and gives Ellie's hair a playful tousle. You glance at Joel to gauge how he might be feeling; he seems impassive as eyes shift from you to his brother, but then he nods.

"Plenty to go 'round." Joel concedes. He tosses his gloves onto the mantle. "Ellie, go wash your hands first."

Ellie makes a fuss but follows Joel's orders and goes to the bathroom. You pop back into the kitchen to gather a bowl and cutlery for Tommy while the brothers take a seat at the table. You appear back in the dining room and place Tommy's bowl and spoon on the place mat infront of him.

"Thank you, ma'am," Tommy gives you another winning smile. "I appreciate your kindness."

You chuckle and sit down on the chair opposite Joel. "You're welcome, Tommy. It's nice to have you."

Joel remains silent and rigid as you abd Tommy exchange small talk. Once Ellie comes bounding back into the room you begin serving everyone their portion of lamb stew and buttery mashed potato.

Joel spends the whole of dinner quietly observing the interaction between you and Tommy, trying his best to appear dispassionate and unconcerned. He cannot help feeling envious of his brother for how effortlessly he's able to get you talking. You are still your normal bashful and feminine self, but you are different. You are more like you were when Joel first met you - more bubbly, a little more chatty, and so inquisitive. It is unnerving for him to witness.

Joel surreptitiously studies the way your mouth curls into a sweet little smile and the shy way you cover your mouth when you titter at something silly Tommy says. Joel cannot remember the last time he saw you so animated like this. The realisation makes him feel both resentful and sad. He should be the one making you giggle. He should be the one you ask questions to. He should be the one who incites you to speak about your work and aspirations with such gusto and passion.

When dinner is finished Tommy, ever the Southern gentleman, insists on helping you wash and dry the dishes. He stands at the sink with his hands submerged in the soapy water and washes the bowls and spoons and cups while you stand beside him with a dish towel to dry them. Ellie sits on the kitchen countertop and entertains you with stories from her days work at the barn, and the kitchen is soon filled with laughter.

Joel doesn't join in. He watches from the shadows of the hallway for a while, seething with jealousy, hating how harmonious and domestic the three of you look together. He's jealous of how naturally Tommy slots into sync with you and Ellie, but he's also disturbed because there's something familiar about the energy around the three of you. Then it clicks for Joel.

Sarah. It's because of her.

Because Joel is reminded of all the nights he ate dinner with his daughter during her time on this earth. He is reminded of them sitting together at the dinner table sharing stories and jokes, how her laughter brought him so much joy, how her killer smile could wash away all his tension and stress after a hard days work. He is reminded of all the times he fumbled around in the kitchen trying to conjure something palatable to eat. He remembers how she once went weeks refusing to eat anything but macaroni and cheese. He can even remember the first time he taught her how to properly cook a steak medium rare, and how they both groaned with satisfaction when they took the first bite of their meal.

Seeing you and Tommy in the kitchen reminded Joel of how he and Sarah would always do the dishes together. He would flick soapy water at her as she dried, making her squeal and threaten to dunk his head into the sink. They would laugh and jest - just like the three of you now - and Joel felt like that may have been some of the happiest times in his life.

But Sarah's voice was absent among the happy noise coming from this kitchen. And Joel himself is not part of it, either. The version of himself who could once revel in such carefree gaeity was dead. The man Joel was now didn't deserve to be happy, anyway.

He slunk further down the hallway and disappeared to go pour himself a drink.

•••••

Soon it is time to say goodnight. Ellie pulls you into a hug and thanks you for a delicious dinner. Tommy tips his head to you and smiles warmly.

"Thank you once again for dinner, darlin'. You're a damn good cook. Maybe you can give Maria a lesson one of these days," he chuckles and gives you a wink.

You giggle and absent-mindedly fidget with the cuff of your sweater. "You give me too much credit, Tommy."

"Oh, hush now. I give credit where credit is due," he declares. "My brother is a lucky man."

Tommy crosses over to where Joel stands impassively by the fire place with his arms crossed. He pats his brother's shoulder and they exchange some words about their next patrol shift then walks to the door. As he pulls his jacket on, he addresses you once last time.

"By the way, that paint you were lookin' for a while ago for that shelf - I found more of it in one of the sheds. I'll drop it off next week, that alright?"

"What?" You huff a little laugh, incredulous. "Tommy, that was ages ago. You actually remembered that?"

Tommy nods. "Yeah, sure. I know how much it meant to ya."

"Thank you, really. Thank you so much."

Joel can see how touched you are by whatever Tommy's done for you, your surprise and gratitude evident in the blush of your cheeks and the girlish way you clasp your hands together. He knows Tommy is just being Tommy, that his brother isn't purposely laying on the charm to make him jealous. But it doesn't stop the bitter wrath prickling at the nape of his neck.

"Come on Ellie, I'll walk ya," Tommy beckons the girl with a jerk of his head. Ellie gives you another quick hug and they both bid you and Joel a final goodnight before they trudge out of the door.

A heavy silence falls upon the house once the pair have left. You have already plopped onto the couch with one of your books, settling in for another night of barely talking to him in favour of whatever adventure is happening in your story.

Joel remains standing at the fireplace watching the flames dance, tossing up whether it is worth asking about. He wishes it didn't bother him, wishes he could give less of a shit that his younger brother can make you smile so easily. He tries to drown the angst and curiousity swirling inside his belly, telling himself it doesn't matter, to just forget it, but he can't. He so desperately wants to provide for you, to be the only man you rely on to fulfil your needs and wants, to keep you protected from the harsh world and the people in it. It makes him feel like a failure to know that another man fulfilled one of your wishes, even if it was his own brother, even if it was something as simple as paint and a fucking shelf.

"What's that shelf Tommy was talkin' about?" Joel finally breaks the silence.

You look up from the novel splayed infront of your face and frown. "Huh?" It takes a second for you to register what he's talking about. "Oh. The paint?"

Joel nods once.

You give a little shrug. "There's a book shelf at school that I really love. One day I mentioned to Maria that I wished I could paint it a particular colour. This pretty kind of teal shade that I have always loved, since I was a kid."

Joel notices the flash of sadness pass over your eyes at the mention of your childhood.

"Anyway, she told Tommy. He came to the school to ask how he could help." You sigh softly. "It was a long time ago now, but he remembered."

It pains Joel even more to recognise that this is the most you have spoken to him since that big argument. He clears his throat and looks at you with doleful eyes.

"Why didn't you ever mention that to me?" He asks gently. "'Bout the shelf, or the paint?"

You stare at Joel and cock your eyebrow quizzically. "You're actually asking me this, Joel?"

Joel frowns and turns his body to face you directly. "Yeah, I am. Why did my brother know about it and I didn't?" He knows he sounds pathetic, childish. He hates himself for it, but he cannot stop himself.

"Joel," you almost seem to groan. "I don't want to talk about all this again."

"I wanna know," Joel says with conviction.

You close your book and toss it next to you on the couch. You glare up at him. "When did you ever care what I had to say, Joel? When did you ever want to hear about something like a random book shelf at my work?"

Joel doesn't have an answer. He just stares at you, ashamed and lost for words.

"Your brother knew because he was interested enough to ask," you snap. "I'm a person too, you know, Joel."

"What?" He mumbles in confusion.

"I'm a person," you repeat the words slowly, bitingly. "I'm not just your toy, or your maid, or whatever."

"I know," he whispers.

"You don't even know anything about me," you whisper back despondently.

"Ofcourse I do," Joel scowls.

You just shake your head and sniff, sounding like your sinus is clogged with unshed tears. You turn your head away from him and stare at the hardwood floor in gloomy silence. For what seems like several minutes the only sound within the room comes from the quiet cracklingly of the fire. It is soothing in a way, along with the cosy warmth it emits, and you find yourself being lulled to sleep on the couch. Just as your eyelids flutter shut Joel's voice cuts through the peace.

"Forget Me Not."

Sleepiness has made your mind sluggish and you don't quite understand what he has said. You blink slowly and scrub at one eye with your fist.

"...What?" You mumble.

"The flower. It's your favourite."

You don't respond or even look at Joel but your heartbeat picks up speed. How did he even know what your favourite flower is? You don't recall ever telling him.

"You like green tea best in the mornin'," Joel utters. "Peppermint at night."

He is right, but you still don't say anything in return.

"Your momma used to tie ribbons in your hair when you were a little girl," Joel states softly, his expressive brown orbs roaming all over your fragile form. "'S why you like to wear 'em still."

Joel's intention was to prove how intimately he knows you, but in reality his words spark something vicious and defensive inside your soul. You pull yourself up from the couch and snatch your book up.

"I don't want to hear this!" You growl at him. "Just leave me alone!"

Joel strides over to you and blocks your escape into the hallway. He looks down at you, sober and resolute. "I know you better than you think, babydoll."

"I said leave me alone," you snap, glowering up at him. You shove at his chest but his body stays solid and unmoving, far too powerful for your small hands to have any impact upon.

"I'll never leave you alone," Joel snaps back. "And from now on, you need anythin', you come to me and me only. I'm the only person you rely on, you understand? Not Tommy, not anybody. Just me."

You scoff contemptuously and try again to shove past him. "Yeah, sure Joel, whatever you say."

"Better watch that smart mouth," he growls, but still steps aside to let you pass by into the hallway. You quickly ascend the stairs and Joel follows close behind you. You cross the landing and make your way to the bathroom, but just as you turn the door knob Joel swiftly wraps his hand around your wrist. He pulls you back into the hall and stands directly infront of your line of vision, determined for you to see and hear him.

"I mean it," he grunts. "I'm the only one you need."

"I don't need you, Joel," you hiss at him. "And I don't want you, Joel, not this cruel man you've proven yourself to be. I will never be happy with you again."

An uncontrollable, primal fury surges through Joel and he suddenly smashes his fist into the wall next to your head, busting a hole into the drywall and sprinkling plaster debris over the rug. You scream and scurry into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it behind you.

Joel grits his teeth as he flexes his hand, the split skin of his knuckles already bloody and smarting. He heaves rapid breaths through his clenched teeth, his chest expanding with each inhale.

He hears you sobbing heavily through the wall and the woeful noise is enough to shatter through the bubble of animalistic wrath blinding him. Fuck, now you are terrified and crying. Again.

Joel growls and descends the stair case to go to the kitchen and clean his hand. He turns on the cold water and runs his knuckles under the stream.

It isn't his fault, he tells himself. You goaded him and had to fucking talk back.

He dabs at the blood with one of the dish rags and watches a red stain bloom on the soft yellow material. He grumbles and cleans the powdered drywall from his skin.

He'll let you cry it out. You won't have such a smart mouth after that, he's sure.

Joel finishes cleaning up the back of his hand and dries it with a dish towel, unbothered by the familiar sting of freshly sliced skin.

All he wanted to do was provide for you and take care of you, but you had to ruin everything.

Joel swaggered into the loungeroom and grabbed the decanter of whiskey from the mantle. He was going to get shit faced and knock himself out. He wanted to forget the hateful ferocity of your words. The grief for what he has ruined. The mourning of what could have been. And most of all, the unbearable absence of his daughter Sarah.

Joel had laid down the law of his house without any room for compromise. It had been so long overdue, after all. His rules are straight forward and fairly simple, uncomplicated in their shared objective to isolate you from everyone else, especially Oscar.

In his mind Joel is justified in drastically limiting your freedoms. He had made the mistake of allowing you too much independence, of granting you too much trust, only for him to catch you in the arms of another man.

Joel had always liked seeing you scared; he took pleasure in your wide panicked eyes, how your hands trembled, how you begged so helplessly. Your fear excited him and made him feel powerful. But the choked sob you let out when Joel threatened to kill Oscar had only infuriated him. He found no satisfaction in your reaction, only anger.

He was angry because of the agonising realisation had dawned upon him so abruptly at that moment - the reality that he was no longer the only person that resided in your precious heart. How had Oscar infiltrated your bubble of introversion so quickly? What made you choose to accept him into your heart?

Oscar talked with you, you had argued pathetically. So what? Joel was well known for his distaste of conversing more than the bare minimum of what was considered good etiquette. But he could talk to you, properly and intellectually, if that's what you really fucking wanted. But that didn't matter so much right now. What mattered was Joel retaining control over your relationship and keeping Oscar the fuck away from you.

He should've never listened to Tommy and his bullshit psychology - he and his bitch of a wife were so different to you and Joel, their connection no where near as deep and profound as what you two shared. No words could adequately describe just how special that binding tie was. No one else could understand.

Tommy had been wrong. Oh so wrong. Being tender and patient with you hadn't worked - you had still sought out Oscar for your emotional needs while denying Joel any kind of deeper intimacy. What was the point of trying to be gentle and not hurt you when you had hurt him so badly? Nothing Joel did seemed to help make you happy. You were never satisfied.

He has given you so much of himself. Parts he did not know still existed inside his black heart, pieces of him that he thought had been strangled the moment Sarah had died in his arms. He has shown you so much vulnerability, shared sacred parts of his soul and a depth of intimacy that he has never revealed to anyone before. He had offered you his love and protection.

Joel has given you so much and yet you make him feel as though it is not good enough. As though he is not good enough, that he is inferior to someone like Oscar, or his brother Tommy. You have made him feel pathetic and weak. You have made him feel out of control, something that he has not experienced for a very, very long time.

It scares Joel to his core.

The longer he thought about it, the more irritated Joel was becoming. Just what the hell was it going to take for you to stop moping and forget about Oscar? What was it going to take for you to just accept your fate and get over everything? What more could you possibly expect of Joel? Why couldn't you and he start over again, go back to the way things used to be? When you were so sweet and meek, just his good little girl.

Amidst the rejection and aggravation and betrayl was something else stirring inside Joel; something more venomous, more baleful than anything he had ever associated you with. It was an emotion that Joel was very familiar with, one that had enabled him to endure and survive for so long in a world gone to hell.

Hatred.

Hatred for you for all that you had taken from him just to throw back in his face. For you to yell at him that you don't need him, that you don't want him.

Hatred for your selfishness and insolence.

Hatred for you giving him so much pleasure and kindness only for you to retreat and withhold from him completely.

It made Joel want to hurt you in any way he could, to thieve every last bit of dignity and autonomy from you, to show you just who the fuck you were dealing with. He was Joel Miller, after all, and you had no idea just what he was capable of.

taglist - @sofiparallel @harriedandharassed @kewwrites @romanarose @fan-fiction-floozy @anoverwhelmingdin @unknownsuser101 @shesarealcarpentersdream @sheeeeeppp-blog @uncassettodiricordi @axshadows @puduvallee @gossipgirl-03 @mandoloriancookie @oldenoughtoknowbettersstuff @missannfairy @bean-security @missannwinchester

I am sorry if I have missed tagging anyone, please comment and let me know.

[leggerefiore]

Have you ever done HCs for characters tending to their partner’s wounds? I feel like Ingo would be externally panicking but ultimately know what to do. Emmet would be the reverse, outwardly calm, but hiding the fact that he doesn’t know what to do for your sake.

Colress and Cyrus would be really analytical about it, but I feel like for different reasons.

Grimsley, being the vampire that he is, would like…try to drink your blood or something.

I did the reverse (caring for their injuries), but this is also cute....

cw: light injuries, blood mentions, uhh a little angsty with some comfort

characters: Ingo, Emmet, Cyrus, Colress, Grimsley

~~~

An afternoon walk with your boyfriend was supposed to be relaxing and casual. It was a sort of catch-up after he had recently been busy with work. The two of you walked side by side on city streets, mumbling in conversation. Whatever had been spoken was not of utmost importance, but the feeling of being out with him was always nice. Everything had been going well. The sun was out, the streets were not overly busy, and the temperature was pleasant. Yet, all that had been interrupted by a single loud pokemon cry.

A young child called out after it. It ducked and weaved through pedestrians on the sidewalk before changing right into you. The surprise of hitting something solid made the nervous thing raise a claw and scratch you. Your boyfriend quickly was reaching for his own pokeballs to settle the situation in case it grew desperate, yet the small child finally caught up and returned the pokemon to its ball before any further harm could befall you. They sheepishly apologised, regretful that they had been unable to control it. You reassured them it was alright before finally parting ways with the child to sit down at a bench nearby.

Your boyfriend's face grew pale, and his expression distressed at the sight of your arm, which had been the target of the pokemon's attack. A straight line bubbled up with a familiar red liquid. Your hand quickly moved to stop the bleeding, but your boyfriend seemed to move faster…

▲Ingo▼

● The Subway Boss was trained in first aid. He knew that knowing both CPR and first aid could benefit his duties should any emergency situations arise on the trains, yet his trained calmness was out the window when it came to you. His anxiety was already up from what had just happened, and now this was unfolding before him. His handkerchief was fished out of his pocket and immediately pressed to your arm, applying pressure to the bleeding area. All the information and techniques he had memorised flew out of his mind when he saw you yet apparently his body remembered.

● His normally stoic face shifted with worrying and panic as his eyes remained big and focused on the fabric, which quickly was beginning to stain with blood. Admittedly, the wound was not anything overly serious. It was not longer than a few inches, nor was it deep, yet he felt as if somehow it would claim your life. His hands followed procedure despite how messy his mind appeared to be. You could see him carefully lead you through the streets of Nimbasa, ordering you essentially not to come “uncoupled” from him. His grip on your arm certainly provided good pressure until you both were in your shared home.

● Ingo sat you on the toilet as he quickly collected everything he needed to tend to the wound. The bleeding had thankfully stopped, yet he seemed on high alert still as he cleaned the skin carefully with water and then an antiseptic spray. A bandage was carefully applied over the wound. It was at that point afterwards his arms wrapped around you tightly. “Oh, I'm deeply sorry, dearest,” he apologised. His body shook. “I should have acted faster!” You reached an arm to hug him and pat his back. Reassurances came from you that it was no one's fault. The wound was properly tended to, and there was no more risk for anything to happen. A sniffle came from him as he finally freed you. His eyes were red, but the emotion was forced down. Another apology attempted to leave him for how he was acting. You kissed his lips to silence him.

▽Emmet△

○ His expression was eerily calm as his hand held your arm tightly. Blood continued to ooze from the wound. His jacket that he had been wearing was slipped off and pressed to the wound. While his face might have reflected both focus and a level of confidence. Inside, however, Emmet was screaming louder than his brother ever could during even the busiest hours at the station. He had barely been able to do anything about a pokemon suddenly attacking you, and now you were bleeding. Granted, it did not seem serious, but everything was collecting together and making his heart race. Ingo had made them take first aid and CPR classes, but Emmet apparently nearly forgot everything when it came to you.

○ You whined when he suddenly began to pull you away from the busy street. No words had been spoken. Emmet was dead silent as he navigated the streets of Nimbasa with an ease provided by his years dealing with questions about locations in the city. His jacket was growing stained with your blood, yet he was completely apathetic. The Subway Boss even pushed through people without a single “excuse me.” No one dared say anything after catching a glimpse of his expression, however. His grip was deathly tight as he led you into your shared home and right to the bathroom.

○ You sat on the toilet as the jacket was carefully removed to check the status of the injury. Upon seeing that the blood had stopped, he pulled away the jacket and wet a cotton pad to clean your arm and the wound. An antiseptic was applied, followed soon by a bandage. For a moment, he knelt at your side completely frozen. Then, Emmet suddenly sprung up and pulled you into his chest. His hold was ironclad around you. “Darling,” he whined, voice warbling, “I am verrrry sorry! It is my fault! I failed to anything…” You sighed. His facade had dropped entirely. Soft hiccups came from him as you began to rub his back. This cuddle session would last a while.

🌌Cyrus🛰

☄️ The blue-haired man's expression was almost unreadable as he held your wrist and simply stared at the bleeding wound on your arm. His thoughts scrambled to process everything. He had thought to deny your request for a walk before, unfortunately, relenting. You had seemed desperate for some kind of date, and Cyrus wished not to deny you and make the situation worse. Yet, this had happened! Your voice calling his name broke his mind from its trance. Right. You were bleeding. A handkerchief came from his pocket as he used it to apply pressure to the wound. The urge to shudder was forced down. Blood… blood was not a pleasant thing for him, but he knew you did not have anything that should concern him.

☄️ The public setting grew to make him more frantic. Too many people kept speaking and walking around you both as he held your arm up above your chest. Eventually, Cyrus asked for you to follow him. The streets of Veilstone were easy to follow as he quickly led you back to the apartment. His mind was all over the place still as he brought you inside and froze for a moment. A few frantic breaths left him before you softly pulled yourself away from him to head to the bathroom. He followed behind you wordlessly.

☄️ Before you could check the bleeding yourself, Cyrus moved to do it. Upon seeing that it had slowed immensely, items were retrieved from a nearby cabinet. His hands shook as he brought a wet cotton pad to wipe away the blood around the wound and once again while applying an antiseptic and a bandage. A sharp breath left him after he had finished. The room's air was tense. You thanked him for helping you, but he only reached to grasp your hand. His lips were pursed, and his eyes could not meet yours. A red tint seemed to flood his face. “… Beloved,” his voice wavered, “… I apologise. I should have declined your offer as it led to this situation–” You grasped his hand back and brought your free one to hold his chin. Upon hearing that his Weavile had once done worse damage to you, he felt mortified yet silenced. He supposed there was no one to blame in the end.

🥼Colress🛸

🧪 There was no panic, nor worry even, on his face. The scientist might not be a medical doctor, but he does have some formal training in that area. Granted, it is for pokemon, but he doubts that matters too much. He knew what to do, of course. Lab accidents and first aid do go hand in hand. He pulled out a handkerchief from his lab coat's pocket and pressed it against your bleeding arm. Your arm was then raised above your heart by Colress. He almost forgets that you two are in public as he contemplated how the connection between that kid and their pokemon was. You had to call his name a few times to break that focus.

🧪 Upon realising that he probably should further tend to your wound, he asked you to keep pressure on your arm while leading you back to the hotel you were staying at in Alola. He began to tap away at his keyboard. You could only wonder what it was while you followed him through Heahea towards the hotel. He hummed to himself as he noted various things, from how the pokemon had reacted to the type of slash on your arm and the severity of it. He almost failed to notice that you both had made it to your floor and room. Finally stopping, he opened the door to the bathroom.

🧪 Once inside, Colress checked on your bleeding and discovered it had slowed to a manageable amount. He took a wet cotton pad to wipe away any remaining blood and possible debris from the sight before applying an antiseptic dutifully. Watching him go was like seeing an automaton move, but it all came to an end with the bandage being placed over the wound. The blond sighed and readjusted his glasses. “Are you alright? Any chills or pains?” he asked, almost sounding like a doctor. He took your replies seriously before nodding. “… I'm glad that you are okay,” it was genuine coming from him, as was the small smile on his lips, “I don't think those two have any potential with their bonds. How unfortunate.” … And it was gone. The ways of Colress were often like that. You sighed. A soft kiss was then pressed to your bandage. “Our bond surely will accelerate your body's healing process,” he commented. At least he stopped madly ranting about Z-Crystals, you supposed.

♠️Grimsley❤️

♤ His expression was unreadable, but when was it not? Grimsley gazed at your wound, oozing out your precious lifeblood by the moment. It was before his eyes, and temptation called him… Is what he would be thinking if he were not more worried about where that pokemon's claws had been. He sighed as he pulled out his handkerchief from his suit's pocket. It was pressed against the wound. As fun as free blood could be, your health did take priority. He also felt frustrated that luck had called out this result. If the pokemon had just leaned more to the right, it would have run into him instead. His luck must have beat your own… How unfortunate.

♡ Grimsley held your arm up above your head while asking you to follow him back home. The slash, in truth, did not seem all too worse than the ones his Liepard usually gave him. Of course, any injury was still a risk to your health. The gambler actually liked you, so he did not intend to let anything bad happen to you. Which was another reason that he was frustrated. He forced his feelings down. You did not really need that right now, after all. He grumbled as you both navigated through Black City. Trainers and passers-by seem to move out of the way unconsciously for the Elite Four member. He supposed it was convenient enough.

◇ When you both entered his apartment, he sat you down in the bathroom as he quickly gathered a few things. The wound was wiped down before being bandaged. He sighed at the wasted opportunity but figured it was for the best. “Unlucky, isn't it?” he shook his head while bringing a finger to trace the covering on your arm. You nodded in reply while also voicing an agreement. “At least I've gotten better at wound care,” Grimsley cupped your cheek and leaned in close, “… Too bad that one was too much of a gamble. Maybe I'm getting too soft for my favourite thrill.” He pecked a teasing kiss to your cheek. You could only wonder what he meant by that.

[mychlapci]

Ratchet breast feeding Drift who hogs the energon milk from the others so now they all feel milk crazy.

Arcee is extra grumpy having to wait and Optimus is a prime he doesn’t need it but he likes it, a great stress reliever.

Bulkhead and Wheeljack go to Magnus and hoard him to themselves because wow the bot has amazing tasting energon.

And Smokescreen is more irritated and even angry without it while Bee is falling to depression without it since Ratchet is in every sense extra physically giving birth, Bee’s carrier.

Soooo now we have an angry Ratchet on our hands who feels so guilty for putting the team through that.

They didn’t blame him or drift because they’re conjunx who’ve been long separated and they understood.

Wheeljack and bulkhead stick with Magnus while Arcee is too stubborn to feed from Ratchet again now that she’s trying to ween herself from Ratchets milk.

While Optimus is more than happy to receive the milk from a glass instead of straight from the source like they originally were doing.

While Smokescreen immediately goes back to suckling only to be bopped in the helm.

Ratchet takes Bee and brings him to his and Drifts room, moving him to his breast to feed while cooing at him in a nest while Drift has his spike deep inside Ratchets valve.

( ratchet is on his lap and Bee is in Ratchets arms )

Bee may be a grown mech but its normal for carriers to feed their sparkling while getting spiked. Drift is not Bee’s sire—thats Optimus who has the role and said bot is watching from the doorway since that is his sparkling after all and instinct deep intuition tells him to watch over Bee as another mech frags his sparklings carrier. Basically protection coding even if Drift is family to Optimus through Ratchet— but he does think of Bee as a surrogate sparkling so he has no problem with Bee being fed—nor Optimus watching— while he frags his conjunx.

Smokescreen is the next day to his happiness and grumpy impatience. While Arcee is still being stubborn.

I feel i should be kept in a corner/cavern for this post but…i’m taking a chance. 🫣

yes…. oh hell yeah. tfp Drift causing a much bigger shift in the team's dynamics than even Magnus has done. He’s fully claimed Ratchet’s tits for himself and now everyone is cranky because he’s been feeding the entire team!

It was exceptional stress relief for some, and great nourishment for others, but now Ratchet’s just not making enough, and even when he is, Drift’s been very protective and insistent on drinking him dry several times a day. Ratchet feels so awful for not being able to feed the team – it’s been his duty to take care of them for so long, he feels like he’d failed and needs to make it work, somehow. Thankfully Wheeljack and Bulkhead are perfectly content with drinking from Magnus but the rest…

Drift only agrees to letting bots take a turn at Ratchet’s tits when he's in the room with a spike up his valve… Bumblebee is the most willing participant bc he needs his carrier’s milk and he needs it very badly. And Optimus will gladly watch on…

Smokescreen’s new to everything but he is a youngling and was as dependant on mommy’s milk as the rest of the team… Arcee would insist she’s completely forgotten about it until Ratchet takes his pouches out and offers her a nozzle… under Drift’s supervision, of course...

[khayalli]

The gentle rap-tap-tap on the window startles you from the late night daze you'd been in. Blinking, rubbing your eye's, you try to clear the fog and blue light you're still lost in as you look up from the computer, having not realised just how much the dark has now enveloped your room save for the light from your computer.

"Donnie?" you ask.

He's standing outside the window, wearing only his purple hoodie. Immediately concerned by how little he's wearing and how freezing cokd it is tonight, you hurry kver from your computer to open the window. You shudder as the brittle cold sweeps in like an old friend. But then again, so does Donnie.

Pulling you into the thick of his hoodie, your face is pressed firm into the thread where the ice has settled deep deep into the cotton, like tiny frost particles, so small that your naked eye cannot see them, but so real that they summon goosbumps as they bite and melt against your skin.

"Mm, you're warm," he murmurs. His voice is low in his chest as it rumbles, like a campfire burning late before it slowly dies, snuffed out by the cool dead of the night.

"And you're freezing," you say, swiftly pushing him back to get a better look at his face.

His eyes are heavy with the weight of something he's spent far too long mulling over in a jail of his own making. A cell of himself. He does this sometimes. Forget's that he has people he can go to, people he can depend on who can help solve his problems with him instead of ruminating through the data all on his own and yet still somehow managing to come to the wrong conclusion.

The 'logical' conclusion, in his words.

"Donnie, what's wrong?" you ask. You frown at the feeling of his cold hands as they interlock with your own. You were already think about how cold it was, here in the apartment, and yet, by comparison, you're as warm as a flue.

"It happened again," he says, voice going croaky as it crumbles like chalk. His lips curve downwards and his eyes become wet with the memory of something he's already had to live over and over and over again. A reoccuring nightmare, one of a world where there's only pain and never joy; only darkness but never light; only him, and not...

"...Would you like to try and sleep here tonight?" you ask softly, seeing him slowly come back from reliving that pain somewhere deep deep behind those dark and beautiful eyes of his.

He nods, quiet and slow as he blinks back the tears and tries to maintain that cool composure he likes to wear like a shield. You wonder if he knows you've already worked out just how soft that shield really is.

"Let's get you out of this," you say, pulling his hoodie up over his head. "And into a warm bed."

Taking his hand, you toss the cold garment over onto the chair where you’d been sitting and working late, and guide Donnie towards the bed. You pull back the covers to crawl in first, and Donnie is quick to follow. He snuggles into the space between your legs as he rests his head on your chest and wraps his arms around your waist to breathe you in and feel you close.

"You're like a hot water bottle," he mumbles against your pajamas.

You consider making a joke about how cold he is, but seeing the way his eyes fall closed as he let's himself relax against you, you resort to drawing lines over the back of his soft shell instead. You feel him tense, feel him squeeze you a little tighter, and then he chokes.

"...I couldn't save him—"

"Hey, hey, hey," you coo as you wrap your hands around his head. You run your thumb against rhe underside of his cheek to try and soothe him as he shakes. "You did, though. You did save Leo. Remember? Mikey got him out!"

"But he's not the same." He trembles like a leaf lost in a tempest in your arms. "He can't sleep. He just... disappears sometimes and doesn't tell me where or why he goes. Sometimes he gets this look in his eyes like he’s not even here anymore, like he's... he's..."

"...Like he’s still trapped in that dimension?"

He sniffles. "...Yeah..."

"Donnie," you say, wiping away a stray tear as it rolls over the fabric of his mask. "Your brothers are here. All of them. I'm sure you went and checked on them before you came to me, right?"

"...Yeah."

"Leo... he might not be the same Leo as before. He just needs more time. To heal."

He looks up at you with eyes like that of a dog that looks to the moon. Loyal, loving, and hanging on every word.

"He'll come back to you. He will. You don't have to do it alone. You have your brothers. And you have me. We can help him together."

[irondad-defensesquad]

You're all I need to get by

Also on AO3! FINALLY!!! I FINISHED THIS!!! I can't believe this was meant for Sicktember of last year, I feel so ashamed 😭 Anyway, the original prompt was "But if you stay, you'll get sick too". Just a fluffy sickfic with some tiny bit of angst :)

“Mr. Stark?”

Tony feels like he has just returned to reality. Was he sleeping? Was he awake? Was he not even here?

Either way, Peter is shyly appearing in his room.

“Oh, hey kiddo,” Tony sniffs, unable to move without everything aching and burning. He checks his phone on the bedside table. “Shoot, sorry I’m late. I’ll get ready and we’ll fix your suit.”

“Actually… I brought you hot chocolate.”

Tony freezes, right when he’s about to remove his blanket. Peter is gently holding a customized Spider-Man cup that the kid made for him. Hopefully, Peter won’t know that it’s Tony’s most treasured cup.

“I noticed you weren’t feeling well yesterday,” the teen explains. “So… I thought it might make your day a little better.”

The man feels like he could cry. Peter is so shy. So adorable. It doesn’t help that he's wearing one of Tony’s old MIT hoodies.

“Gee, thanks, bud,” Tony smiles, taking the hot chocolate like it’s a precious invention. Anything Peter Parker creates is indeed revolutionary.

Peter grabs his chair and puts it next to the bed, sitting next to Tony.

“Wait, you’re staying?” The latter questions.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

“If you stay, you’re gonna catch whatever gross thing I have.”

“I’m not gonna get sick, I’ll be fine.”

“Peter…”

“I mean,” the teen suddenly grows nervous, “do you want me to stay? Because it’s okay if you wanna be alone.”

Peter is already standing up.

“No, no,” Tony stops him, “you can stay if you want.”

The other is sitting again. He stays quiet for a moment, watching the sick man.

“You don’t usually get sick, do you?” Peter asks.

Tony shrugs, muttering, “I’m just good at hiding it.”

Peter obviously hears it and doubts him, even if he doesn’t verbally say it.

“Did you take any medicine?” The boy asks instead.

“Yeah. I’m still feeling like shit, though.”

Peter hums. “Can I help with anything else?”

“I dunno.” Tony takes a sip of the hot chocolate. “I miss my lab,” he whines.

“Maaaaaybe I could bring DUM-E here?”

“And have him fire extinguish me to help with my fever? No thanks.”

Peter blinks. “Did- Did that happen?”

“Yeah, when I was doing the first flight tests for my armor. I wasn’t even on fire.”

The kid snorts, wanting to laugh really badly. Tony glares at him.

“Oh, you think that’s funny?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah, yeah, you little shit.”

“Jesus, Mr. Stark. You’re so grumpy when you’re sick.” Peter then lowers his voice, “More than usual.”

Tony’s glare becomes a face of betrayal. “Well, why wouldn’t I be grumpy when literally everything hurts?”

Peter smirks, “Okay, that’s fair. Sorry.”

Tony sighs.

“But you know DUM-E loves you, right?” The teenager reminds him.

Tony’s face softens. “Yeah,” he says. Like a liar.

He briefly faces the hot chocolate before taking another sip, feeling it warming his soul, before he gazes at the sun again. The brightest smile of all. It’s impossible not to smile back.

“Yeah.” This time, Tony sounds a little more confident.

Peter’s grin becomes brighter, somehow. The man doesn’t hide his eyes behind his loyal sunglasses, instead welcoming the warmth.

They share this moment in silence, but a comfortable one. Tony finishes the hot chocolate, taking a relieved, deep breath. There’s still too much snot inside him, but it helped, a lot.

He wishes he didn’t get sick, because he’s the one who should look out for the kid, and he misses working to keep his active mind busy. Still, Peter convinces him to relax and stay in bed with delicious hot chocolates and those big puppy eyes.

“I think I’ll have one more, please,” Tony requests, handing the empty cup to Peter.

“Wow, really? I didn’t think you’d like it that much. I mean, the chocolate is super fancy, but…”

“It’s because you made it, Pete. It’s special.”

Peter blushes. “Um… thanks. I-I’ll be right back.”

Tony smiles and watches him leave, waiting patiently.

--

It’s a quiet, easy day today. Things haven’t gone as planned, but that’s not all that bad.

Peter is eating now mostly due to Tony’s insistence. He’s checking social media in the meantime, and with his spider-powers, he makes sure Tony is doing okay even from afar.

That’s how he realizes his mentor has fallen asleep, judging by the loud snores coming from his room. They might sound a little stuffed, but it shows that it’s a heavy sleep.

He smiles to himself, glad to know that Tony is finally getting some rest. The hero is the kind of person who can’t stand still, not even when he’s sick. He didn’t stop working last night and Peter didn’t mean to pry. Knowing how stubborn he is, Peter admits he’s a little surprised that Tony is complying.

The teen decides to go there and check on him, doing as little noise as possible. Tony doesn’t seem to have noticed him. Peter then realizes three things: one, Tony drank all the hot chocolate given the empty cup on the bedside table. Two, there are many dirty tissues around the cup. Three, the blanket is on the floor. Peter throws the tissues in the small trash bin near the desk, then he uses the tiny hand sanitizer to quickly and carefully tuck Tony in again, hoping he’s not feverish. To confirm that, Peter lightly touches the older man’s forehead. It’s mild. That’s a good sign, he thinks.

Tony quiets down at the touch, like he’s relaxed.

Peter grins.

He bends down…

He doesn’t really notice what he’s doing until Tony lets out confused noises.

“Hm…? Wha?”

Peter is…

He’s kissing Tony’s forehead.

Shit.

Peter doesn’t know what came over him. It was completely automatic.

He, unfortunately, is not quick enough to run away before Tony catches him on the doorstep.

“Pete?” His mentor calls, sniffing.

“H-Hey, Mr. Stark! I just came to get your cup, nothing important!” Peter can’t contain the nervousness in his voice. “Sorry for waking you up, y-you can go back to sleep! Okay, bye!”

He leaves before the conversation goes any further, and he runs to his bedroom with the empty Spider-Man cup. Leaving it on his bedside table, Peter takes his pillow and screams in it, still not wanting to be too loud.

“Why did you do that?! You stupid idiot! That was so creepy!” He curses at himself.

Uggghhhh. He can only hope that Tony wasn’t too conscious when it happened.

Why? Why is he like this?

--

Walking on tiptoes, looking behind to see if he’ll get caught, Peter approaches the bed and the stuffed breaths in the half dark room.

“... Uncle Ben,” Peter whispers. “Hey, Uncle Ben!”

“Eh?” Ben moves around, smiling when he sees the boy. “Ah, hey sport. You shouldn’t be near me, or you’ll catch my bug.”

“It’s okay, Uncle Ben, I don’t mind. I just wanted to give you hot chocolate.”

“Aww, thanks, Pete. You can leave it here, I’ll drink it soon.” Ben grins like his nephew is the whole world to him. “You’re an angel.”

Peter grins and puts the cup next to him, but he’s quickly busted when the door opens behind him.

“Peter, I told you to let your uncle rest,” Aunt May scolds him. “And you’re going to get late for school!”

“Ah, it’s alright, May. He just wanted to look out for me,” Ben argues. “But really now, you should get going. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay. I hope you get better soon, Uncle Ben.” Peter approaches and plants a little kiss on the man’s forehead. “I’ll see you later!”

“Alright, kiddo. I love you.”

“Love you too!”

Peter, already in school uniform, is walking away to follow his aunt, who despite being initially stern, seems to have softened.

But before he leaves…

“Pete?”

Except it’s not Uncle Ben calling for him.

--

… Peter has been staring at the Spider-Man cup for what probably feels like hours, when he sees that his door is open wide (though it was never actually closed), and Tony is gazing at him with his big concerned eyes. Peter has been sitting miserably at his bed this entire time.

Apparently it’s dark out.

Tony looks a little better now, no longer pale or dead-looking. He still sniffs every now and then.

“Are you okay?” The man asks.

Peter puts the cup aside, on his bedside table, and completely ignores Tony’s question.

“You look so much better, Mr. Stark!” He comments, forcing a smile. “Do you want anything? You’re probably hungry, right? I could make more hot chocolate too–”

He’s on his way to the door when Tony goes in, not allowing him to leave.

“Kid, you’ve been looking after me all day. Obviously, I’m glad you’re here with me, but you don’t have to push yourself aside to take care of me.”

Peter looks down, not sure what to say.

(He keeps wondering if Tony remembers the forehead kiss. He’s scared of bringing it up.)

“... I’m sorry.”

“What?”

Oh, that wasn’t supposed to come out.

“I mean…” Peter sighs. “I-It was automatic, y’know. I can tell when someone isn’t doing great, a-and I- I have to help them. I want to help! And I know you don’t rest a lot, so that’s why I thought…”

He’s kind of rambling, not really knowing where he’s going with this.

“But what about you, Peter? Did you eat? Did you rest?”

“Well, I ate breakfast.”

“But not lunch?”

“I wasn’t hungry–”

“Peter–”

“Look, I’m sorry! I’m sorry I did- anything, and I’m sorry I kissed your forehead!”

Truly he understands why everyone else tells him to shut up.

“... oh.”

Tony doesn’t actually sound surprised, but maybe he thought he had imagined it. He was half-asleep, after all.

“I don’t know what came over me,” Peter says, when he knows what did. “It was stupid and probably creepy and- and maybe we shouldn’t bring that up again–”

“Hey, kid, I’m not mad about that.”

Peter covers his eyes with his hands. “Ugh, it was so dumb.”

Tony sighs.

Defeated, the teenager sits on the bed again, glancing at the cup watching them.

Suddenly, Tony is kneeling down in front of him.

“Peter,” he begins, “you have a big heart. You have so much love to give, it’s no wonder why you’re a hero. And I’m glad to know I’m worthy of your love.”

The boy sees the hidden tears in his mentor’s eyes.

“I don’t want you to feel that I don’t want you here,” Tony insists, “I just don’t want you throwing away your needs to focus on me or anyone else. Sure, you have responsibilities… but you’re still a kid.”

He doesn’t mean that pejoratively.

“Seriously, thank you for everything. But you’re important too. You’re important to me, kid,” Tony affirms, smiling sadly.

He gently cups Peter’s face with both hands, gazing at him for a few seconds before Tony stands high enough to kiss the teen’s forehead.

“Sorry for getting my germs on your head,” the man jokes. Still, he looks at Peter like he’s Tony’s whole universe.

Peter can’t even react properly. He thought he ruined everything between them, and here is the man he’s admired for years acknowledging and praising him, and reminding Peter that he’s worthy of love.

Tony is not outright saying he loves Peter… but does he have to?

The boy wraps his arms around Tony, who hesitates, probably because he doesn’t want to get Peter sick. Then his mind must say “screw it”, because Tony is hugging him back.

Peter never imagined he needed to hear Tony’s words this badly.

They stay there for a while, before Peter’s stomach rumbles, and Tony decides to do something about it.

“Wanna order something?” He suggests.

“Oh, that’s a good idea.”

“Yeah, you choose, kid.”

“Okay.”

They order burgers and fries. Part of it is because Tony loves them, but Peter has been craving some all day.

They watch some TV, and this time DUM-E is here. The bot is happy to join them.

Tony mostly keeps some space between him and Peter, though he eventually wraps an arm around him to lightly squeeze him.

“Nothing better than spending time with your kids at home, right?” Tony smirks.

Peter blushes and smiles. “Yeah.”

DUM-E agrees.

[todaviia]

.

[pointyfruit]

Just imagined a complex animated short about Bloodmoon huntin for ye good ol blood except it was in the perspective of one of the children that get hunted.

I almost made myself cry.

[here-there-were-dragons]

every time i think the "staff can do no wrong and any form of complaining or expressing literally anything other than "yaaay love it <3" with no further comments is bashing and literally evil we should never say anything that could even potentially be interpreted as mildly critical ever because ~some artist who worked hard on this is probably reading the forums and might feel bad if we ever express anything but praise~ also we must be constantly positive at all times unless we're passive-aggressively shaming someone for having an extremely polite and apologetically worded criticism and if you ask the staff for literally anything you had better be prepared to preface it with 3 paragraphs of apologizing for breathing air" attitude is bad on tumblr, i take one look at the forums, and holy fucking hell is it SO much worse on site

[noisytenant]

sorry i dont even know how to tag this but kind of in disbelief because i just opened my carrd dashboard to maybe move some things around and then saw i still have the page from my old nsfw account.

the final line is "on hiatus due to living in a society. take care, it’s a desert out there! ✨🤍" well and truly what the hell was i thinking referencing leyland kirby's fucking tribute to mark fisher following his suicide

[mrburnsnuclearpussy]

ILL NEVER BE THE MEN EVERYBODY TALKS ABOUT