#and he's so funny

[foundfamilyhq]

[rebouks]

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Jessie: Can you say something-.. like, are you okay? [Ivan buried his head in hands and squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted to say something-.. he wanted to say a million things, but his voice had long since abandoned him] Jessie: I wasn’t sure what to do at first, y’know-.. but by the time I tried to find you, I couldn’t. [Ivan offered a muffled scoff] Jessie: You were never at home! I didn’t have your number, Hunter went back to prison, Clara moved-.. I really tried. Jessie: I even thought Miya might know where you’d gone but I never saw her again-.. Lucie’s closed, the Front closed… I figured it was all connected to what was going on in the news. Ivan: So, y’gave up? Jessie: Not exactly, I spent hours scouring dating apps, social media-… Ivan: It’d help if y’got my fuckin’ name right. Jessie: I’m bad with names, okay-.. and how was I supposed to know you were a family man, rather than a crook? Ivan: I s’pose it’s a long story… [Jessie snorted, wiping her eyes with her sleeve] Ivan: I’m sorry, I’m just-.. it’s a lot t’take in is all. I’m pretty gutted I’ve missed so much. Jessie: Really? Ivan: ‘Course! That’s my lil’ guy, ain’t it? Jessie: I didn’t think you’d care. Ivan: That’s a bit presumptuous-.. y’don’t even know me. Jessie: Maybe it was just easier to think that way. Ivan: I’ll give y’that… Jessie: He’ll be so excited to know he has a daddy now; he’s forever asking questions about him. [Ivan couldn’t help but smile, he wasn’t sure he’d ever have kids, and now he suddenly had two] Jessie: I don’t expect child support, by the way. Like, I have a good job n’ stuff, and my mom’s pretty well off too-.. she lives nearby, actually. Ivan: Eh, we’ll figure somethin’ out… Jessie: So, what now? Ivan: S’pose we oughta get t’know each other? Jessie: Is the little girl-… Ivan: Mine? Yeah. Jessie: Uhm… Ivan: Surrogate. Jessie: Ah. [Ivan tried his best not to tear up as Jude hurtled towards them, smiling the same goofy smile he’d seen in dozens of his own childhood photographs] Jessie: C’mere-.. I’ve got a huge surprise for you! [Ivan’s brow shot up; he thought Jessie would’ve wanted to explain the situation to Jude later-.. or in private, but he didn’t seem too phased by the news] Jude: You’re my daddy? Ivan: Sure looks like it, bud. Jude: [gasps] Does that mean I have a doggy?! Jessie: He’s obsessed with dogs, probably because we can’t have one… Ivan: [chuckles] Aye, me n’ Oreo are a package deal. Jessie: We’ll see Oreo again soon-.. c’mon, we’re already way past late. [Jude frowns briefly. He’d rather stay here, but school was exciting too, and he knew better than to argue] Jessie: I’ll call you later, yeah? Ivan: Please… Jude: Bye Oreo, bye daddy, bye-.. man and baby! … Ivan: The fuck just happened, B? [Bruno held Ivan closely, leaving his rhetorical question unanswered] Ivan: I swear I ain’t cheated on you, I-… Bruno: I know. Ivan: But-… Bruno: He’s too old for that-.. I know. [Ivan stared at the floor, his mind moving too fast for him to keep up. He wanted to yell, laugh and weep all at once] Bruno: Let’s go home. We’ll take the day off, okay? [Ivan nodded as Bruno nudged him to his feet, forever grateful for his ridiculously calm demeanour]

[zharizard666]

I love his hair

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[murdockbuckley]

searched "chim" and "chimney" on my twitter and the results are so funny

[tieronecrush]

pedro on smartless 🤭🤭🤭

[signoraviolettavalery]

Some of my top, favorite Patrick Jane moments

1. That time Kristina Frye told him his daughter never woke up that night and he cries in relief (Simon Baker pulling every ounce of emotion out of these generally lackluster scripts, omg)

2. That time he fucking hypnotized his way out of a hostage situation lmao 

3. Going on a 6-month bender to trap Red John and pulling it off perfectly, except for those tiny smiles at the audience that tell us what he’s doing

4. That time he used Hamlet to catch the killer, as Hamlet tries to do, by impromptu performing in the play because he has fucking all of Shakespeare memorized 

5. That time he hallucinates his dead daughter because he has a habit of drinking tea in every suspect and murder victim’s kitchen and this time it caught up to him, I don’t know if it’s funny or sad or both

6. That time Lisbon and the team totally failed to get the killer to talk and Jane walks in and does it in 30 seconds with a Shakespeare line, what would they do without him

[torntruth]

why  do  some  of  you  have  FOUR  checkmarks?   and  some  two?   did  y’all  buy  it  twice?   this  honestly  has  such  an  ironic  humor  to  it  

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Knowledge Revenge.

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[sunnyirry]

"Oh, and there's kabru too!!!"

[littlelightfish]

Funny things I found out playing with language setting in Netflix while looking episode 15:

Chilchuck's scream sounds HAUNTED in brazilian portuguese. Give it a try if you can.

(You can hear it here)

In spanish dub, Senshi says: "tocó mis senos de hombre", which means "he touched my man boobs" in Spanish. And I think that's the best dub line one so far.

[beebfreeb]

[daftmooncretin]

spock’s room decor is actually fucking bonkers. The weapons??? the big red velvet curtain??? like ok phantom of the opera go crazy.

for reference jim’s room has some photos and a plant so we can surmise this is uniquely a spock being a dramatic weirdo thing

[jakemoogle]

This has to be the funniest and my favourite community note thus far on this stupid app

[brown-spider]

Hey remember how Noir is an anti-fascist from 1933

[shesmore-shoebill]

"I had choice paralysis :(" is a KILLER line.

He's such a comedic powerhouse, I'm glad more people are getting exposed to him :'D