#and i DO sound like a surfer dude or valley girl

[battlestar-royco]

here is part 2 of my sci fi recs masterlist! again, i could’ve gone on with even more recs but i decided to draw the line here. this set for the most part errs on the darker side, thematically, visually, conceptually etc. i personally find it super thought-provoking and intriguing but that’s just me. i highly recommend reading the tw under the cut if you’re thinking of watching, especially the matrix and space gothic slides. please view at your discretion <3

part 1/2

If you like WLW (um idk why I only made this slide based on identity; it just kinda happened lmao but I think it works):

Siren: (tw: parent loss, grief, thalassophobia) a mermaid surfaces in a cove town looking for her lost sister. Polyamorous relationship between a man, a black/indigenous woman, and the mermaid!!!! Environmentalism! As a person who has thalassophobia, I didn’t find this too hard to watch. There aren’t that many underwater scenes, thankfully.

Black Mirror: San Junipero: (tw: grief, but otherwise none that I recall; it’s pretty lighthearted) two women meet in a beach resort in the 80s and fall in love. Interracial wlw!

Orphan Black: (tw: suicide, infertility, rape implication, VB, language, drug use) a woman realizes she is one of several clones and uncovers an elaborate corporate conspiracy. This is one of my personal favorites with great rep of complex women of all ages and bodily autonomy. Several central queer characters and a black male secondary character!

Starfish: (tw: grief, a few jump scares and brief monstrous imagery, blood) after the death of her best friend, a young woman breaks into the deceased’s apartment and discovers a chain of music tapes that could save the world. Weird, subtle, and experimental. Not to sound like a surfer but you kinda have to allow yourself to be in the vibe. The main character and her friend were definitely a thing imo.

Annihilation: (tw: body horror, VB, disturbing imagery) a team of women scientists explore an anomaly that rapidly mutates genes. There are canonical and coded wlw and multiple (light-skinned) POC in this but the rep is short-lived. I put it on because although it should’ve been more ambitious with the casting, I think it breaks *some* ground for Hollywood sci fi with the all-woman team and more than one WOC. Wack ending though.

Mad Max: Fury Road: (tw: rape implication, violence) I think everyone knows about this one but: in the apocalypse, a woman breaks 4 younger women out of a harem. A badass car chase across the desert ensues. A bit light on plot/worldbuilding, but sooooo cool-looking and very thematic!!!!

If you liked STRANGER THINGS:

It: (tw: VB) don’t actually watch this lmao I’m serious. It’s really stupid, and not in a funny way. But I do think Stranger Things was inspired by this story overall. The modern It films are better but they’re also really kjslsklskls stupid? Stephen King in general is obsolete imo.

The Thing: (tw: VB) an alien that can take the form of others wreaks havoc on a scientific facility in Antarctica. It’s dark and vibey, but I feel like it’s just Alien in Antarctica with truly terrible special effects tbh?? Others feel differently. It’s also classified as sci fi/horror, so stay away if you’re easily scared! Not too good on representation.

Super 8: (tw: some language) a group of preteens witnesses an alien-caused train crash as they’re filming a home movie. Not diverse but I definitely think it inspired a lot of sci fi for the 2010s, ESPECIALLY Stranger Things. Not too scary either!

ET: (tw: it’s been a really long time since I watched so I don’t remember but it’s rated PG) I think everyone knows what this is about!

Alien: (tw: VB) truckers in space discover a deadly evolving alien. One of my favorite movies of all time! I love the aesthetic and the mood and worldbuilding so much. Ellen Ripley is one of the first Final Girls in the horror genre. I personally found this more of a sci fi than a horror movie but I’d say stay away if you’re nervous!!

Terminator: (tw: VB) a deadly android is sent to kill a woman who’s destined to birth the man who saves the world. Terminator 2 is way better imo because it centers on Sarah rather than the dudes saving her and trying to kill her. But it’s still worth a watch, you know, for the culture.

If you liked CONTAGION:

War of the Worlds: (tw: blood) pretty straightforward aliens come to Earth to take over. Sorry to rec another T*m Cruise movie but I really like the alien design and the apocalypsey feel of this one. Baby Dakota Fanning is in it too!

Falling Skies: (tw: VB, body horror, rape) alien invasion yada yada but the alien lore gets more interesting as it goes on. It’s kind of cheesy and yeah maybe I did discover it by looking up the iCarly boyfriend (and what about it??) but it’s nice to have on in the downtime. An Asian woman co-stars.

Knowing: (tw: blood) school students unearth a time capsule that contains a sheet from a girl who predicted all the tragic world events between 1959-2009. This is NOT a good movie but it’s SO hilarious to me because of the acting and contrivances. Fun to group-watch!!!!

10 Cloverfield Lane: (tw: VB, emotional abuse) a woman wakes up in a bunker to a captor who tells her that the world has fallen to alien apocalypse. I think this movie elevates the original Cloverfield in pretty much every way. Again, super tense and moody. The conflict revolves around whether or not the captor is being truthful.

Train to Busan: (tw: extreme VB and disturbing imagery) a man and his daughter are on a train when a zombie hops on at the last minute. It’s Korean with an all-Asian cast; Choi Woo-shik co-stars. I definitely wouldn’t watch if you’re scared of blood and gore. It’s very gross and violent.

12 Monkeys: (tw: ableism, violence) a man from the 2030s is sent back to the 1990s to prevent the plague that will end the world. I think the aesthetics of this are really cool but otherwise it’s not a favorite. But I think it appeals to people who like apocalypse and time travel stuff!

If you liked THE MATRIX:

Strange Days: (tw: rape, sex, nudity, VB, racism, police brutality) memories can be saved to hard-drives and sold on the black market for exorbitant prices. Very problematic and triggering presentation of rape, but young Angela Basset stars and there’s a condemnation of police brutality that’s still relevant 20+ years after its release.

Upgrade: (tw: ableism, VB, fridging) a disabled man installs an AI in his spine to help him move and investigate the murder of his wife. The premise is glaringly ableist and I feel weird even recommending it tbh but it’s got great visuals and a few good twists.

Altered Carbon: (tw: VB, weird interracial body switching, uhhh I haven’t finished this one IDK) in a society where human bodies are interchangeable, a man wakes up in a new body after 300 years of his mind being dormant. A Latina woman co-stars, two Asian characters in a subplot, a few other POC here and there as well. I think season 2 stars a black man.

eXistenZ: (tw: VB, anti-Asian racism, general weirdness? IDK it’s hard to describe. There are guns made out of bones and weirdly sexual visuals.) after someone tries to assassinate her, a video game designer and her bodyguard must play through her virtual reality game in order to save the only copy of the game.

Minority Report: (tw: VB, eye removal/insertion) all crimes are predicted and criminals reported before they are committed. The main character is preemptively accused of murder. This one is really white but it was one of the first movies that got me into sci fi. Early 2000s Colin Farrell <3.

If you liked WESTWORLD:

Humans: (tw: uncanny valley, objectification) androids are household helpers and public assistants throughout Britain until one day they start developing consciences. It hits a lot of the themes of Westworld without all the unnecessary pretentiousness, “edginess,” and “grittiness,” and it stars Gemma Chan and Colin Morgan!!

Blade Runner 2049: (^) an android is ordered to find and kill a human/android hybrid. It’s not without its issues but it’s one of my favorite movies of all time, right up there with Alien. So beautiful, so thematic, so thought-provoking (to me, anyway. I know a lot of people thought it was way too slow).

Ex Machina: (^) a man is invited to a private estate to help test the intelligence of an android. It’s kind of predictable imo but you know Oscar Isaac and Sonoya Mizuno are in it so we have to stan, and so is Domhnall Gleeson, for the SW fans! I like how isolated and quiet it feels.

I Am Mother: (tw: blood, gaslighting) after an extinction event, a young woman is raised by a lone android in a human repopulation facility until one day a woman knocks. It starts off slow and a bit generic, but I’m obsessed with the 2nd and 3rd acts of this movie---good acting, dialogue, and fantastic visuals. It has that same isolated feel as Ex Machina with only three characters, all of which are women/woman-coded!!!

If you liked ALIEN (space gothic):

Battlestar Galactica (2004-2008 reboot): (tw: genocide, war, colonization, VB, uncanny valley, rape, infidelity) space opera that follows humanity as it fights the ever-evolving and powerful enemy of their own creation: androids named Cylons. Um? I  L O V E  THIS SHOW SO MUCH and I truly do think it’s everything sci fi should be. There is a really unfortunate Miss Saigon-esque romance plot in season 1 and a lazily-written love triangle involving a black woman in season 3, but otherwise it’s one of my all-time favorites and I highly recommend. It’ll spin your mind and tug your heartstrings for years.

Black Mirror: Men Against Fire: (tw: genocide, war, nudity) soldiers in the near future protect citizens from mutant zombies, but one soldier starts experiencing strange hallucinations in the field. This is such an underrated Black Mirror episode starring a black man. There’s brief objectification of a black woman but it’s very anti-military and it has an interesting sterile aesthetic that reminds me of Alien.

High Life: (tw: rape, black holes/space anxiety, very disturbing) prisoners are given the option to join a space expedition and serve as experimental subjects en route to a black hole. Please please stay away if you are triggered by sexual violence of any kind. There’s almost no physical violence in this movie but it’s psychologically haunting imo.

The Faculty: (tw; VB, drug use) high schoolers discover their teachers are being possessed by an invading alien race. I LOVE THIS MOVIE LMFAOOOO. The cast is SO wild---Elijah Wood, John Oliver, Usher, Salma Hayek, Josh Hartnett??? And I’m probably forgetting more. The combination of the cast, the terrible dialogue, and shitty special effects is PEAK comedy imo. But bear in mind it’s bloody!!

Prometheus: (tw: body horror, VB, uncanny valley) a crew of scientists heads on a deep space mission to find the aliens who created the human race. A prequel to Alien, but I kind of view it as its own thing. Despite the plot holes, I love this movie too! It was one of my sci fi gateways and the visuals are stunning. It’s pretty gory though so if that’s not your thing stay away.

Life: (tw: extreme VB) a lesser Alien, but it provides all the space gothic tropes (jokey crew, shots of space, really pretty spaceship, everyone dies, creepy alien) with a well-known cast---Gyllenhaal, Reynolds, etc.

The X Files: (tw: a few episodes contain 90s racism, sexism, queerphobia etc but you can skip them) a lot of people have watched this so I barely have to explain, but it’s one of my favorites. Two FBI agents investigate multiple aliens and get involved in government conspiracies along the way. A good gateway!

A Quiet Place: (tw: child loss, VB, tension) I think most people know what this is about too. Alien apocalypse with aliens that hunt by sound. The daughter in the family is deaf, and so is the actress who portrays her. The representation of deafness was critically acclaimed.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What battery percentage is your phone on right now? 44%.

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? Cancer and diabetes. 

Who did you last talk to in person and what did you say? My mom. We were talking about the story being covered on 48 Hours on the ID channel.

What's your favourite Mexican dish? I like burritos, especially from this local Mexican restaurant. It’s simple, just beans, rice, cheese, cilantro, sour cream and guacamole, but it’s so good. I like to have this gravy and cheese dip on the side for dipping, too.

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yeah, I’ve been to a hockey game once.

How far do you live from New York City? I’m all the way across the country on the opposite side in California. 

How often do you talk to your parents? We live together, I see and talk to them all the time.

Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? I just used pads. TMI, but I say “used” because I don’t have a menstrual cycle anymore due to health reasons.

What was the weather like in your town today?  It’s supposed to be 77 F today. It’s slowly been starting to cool down. I need it to drop down more for my liking, though.

Are there any phrases or words that you say a lot?  Yes, but for some reason whenever I’m asked this I can’t think of an example.

How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had? One.

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeah, my childhood birthday cakes were ordered from a cake shop.

What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? In the Tall Grass on Netflix with my mom and brother.

What's the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend? Derek.

Do you clean your ears daily? Not daily, but a few times a week.

What accent do you have? As a Californian I feel like I don’t have one, but I guess it would be a Californian one? *shrug* Like I said, I don’t feel like I have one but everyone does. It’s not distinctive like someone from Boston or North Dakota, ya know? Ha, I Googled Californian accent and it even says, “Their accent is indeed similar to General American, meaning it sounds to American ears like it isn't an accent at all. Everyone has an accent, however.”  Then it talks about how we pronounce certain sounds/words differently and some of our sayings and slang. Ha, it also brings up how if anything, non-Californians would probably think of a Californian accent being valley-girl or surfer dude, which yeah that’s true people do tend to associate us with that and words like “hella” and “stoked.”

What scent of air freshener do you keep in your bathroom? It’s a pumpkin cinnamon scent or something like that.

Have you ever dated a model? No.

What's the best job you've ever had? I’ve never had a job.

How about the worst? --

Do you have naturally straight hair? No, I have wavy hair.

What is your ultimate goal in life? I don’t know. 

Have you ever visited someone in prison? Yes.

What months were you and your siblings born in?  I was born in July, my younger brother was born in February, and my older brother was born in November.

Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them?  Yeah.

What are your three favourite vegetables? Potatoes, spinach, and broccoli. 

How many times a day do you check Facebook or any other social network? I check Facebook and a few other social medias a few times a day.

When was the last time you had a blocked nose? It gets stuffy now and then, but it doesn’t tend to last long. I haven’t had a real stuffy nose, like because of a cold, since earlier this year.

Who is your favourite comedian? I don’t have one.

What colour are the socks you're wearing today? White.

What did you have for dinner last night? Wingstop. 

What was the last concert you went to? Green Day back in 2009.

Are you an ugly crier? Yeah. I’m also just ugly.

What scent is the soap or body wash you use in the shower? It’s just Caress bar soap, it smells clean and soapy.

Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? No.

Who do you live with? My parents, brother, and doggo.

What letter does your street name begin with? --

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? I pluck them.

When was the last time you ate at McDonald's? A few months ago.

What's your favourite Popsicle flavour? Not a popsicle kind of gal, really.

Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? My aunt. She was just checking in and seeing how I’ve been doing.

Do you have any injuries at the moment? Yes.

Have you ever been to an ophthalmologist? I’ve been to the optometrist numerous times, but I don’t think an ophthalmologist. 

Do you own any animal print clothes? No, not my style.

Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I’m short and “I wish I was a little bit taller.”

When was the last time you went to a drug store/pharmacy? Hm, I don’t recall. My mom or brother always pick up my medicines for me, I haven’t gone in awhile.

Do you ever binge-watch TV shows? Yeah. My current binge-watch is Sabrina: The Teenage Witch (the one from my childhood with Melissa Joan Hart). 

Have you ever mustered up the courage to tell someone how you feel only to be rejected? Yep. Twice. Not a fun time...

Do you keep your files and documents organized in one place? Unfortunately, no. I’d like to be organized with that kind of stuff.

What's your favourite sweet treat to bake? I don’t bake anymore, but I used to like making cupcakes or cookies during the holidays.

Are you good at flirting and letting people know you're interested? Ha, no. I’m too awkward. There’s been times I thought it was obvious I was interested only for them to be like, “I had no idea.” 

What did you have for breakfast today? It’s 1:22AM.

Do you prefer sweet or savoury breakfasts? Savory.

Do you like chick-flicks? Yeah.

Have you ever taken an acting class? Yes, which is really shocking for someone as shy and awkward as I am. I actually took two while at community college.

What is your favourite kind of berry? I don’t have a favorite. I really only like strawberries out of the berry choices, but I couldn’t even tell you the last time I had any.

When was the last time you watched one of your favourite movies? I’ve been watching some of my favorite horror movies. I plan on watching a lot this month.

How often do you use Youtube? Quite often.

Do you prefer Prince or Michael Jackson? I like more Michael Jackson songs, but I like some Prince songs as well.

What's the coolest thing you've ever dressed up as for Halloween? Not sure about “the coolest.”

Are you ignoring anyone right now? I guess that’s what it’s called when you don’t respond to messages or make any attempt to contact or reach out to them. :/ That was never the intention and even now it’s still hard to admit that that’s exactly what I’ve been doing the past few years. They eventually stopped trying to reach out and I don’t blame them. I’m such a shitty person.

How do you usually style your hair? I throw it up in a pony tail or bun; not much styling going on.

Do you have any tattoos? Tell me about them. Nope.

Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? I’ve never worked at a store. I’ve witnessed it happening while shopping at stores, though.

When was the last time you used a stove? I just made my ramen.

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? Insects, seafood, stuff like bull testicles, etc. 

Are you sitting, standing or laying (or something else) right now? I’m sitting on my bed.

How many hours per week do you typically work? Zero.

What was the last pill or tablet you took? My pain medication.

How far away from your house is the closest grocery store? Just down the street.

Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing? Nope.

Who was the last person you complimented? My mom.

Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you've slept plenty? “Even if you’ve slept plenty” ha, right.

Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment? Nope.

The age old question: dogs or cats? Dogs.

When was the last time you saw your best friend? I see her everyday, all the time. We live together. She’s my mom. 

Do you know any couples who resemble each other? No, but I’ve seen couples who do.

Have you ever been fired from a job? Why? Nope.

Are you tired right now? I always am. <<<

Do you like spring rolls? Yeah.

What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc? Lane.

How many purses or handbags do you own? Six. Do you get along with all your aunts and uncles?  There’s one uncle we don’t talk to for reasons, but otherwise yeah. I haven’t seen any of my aunts or uncles in awhile, some I haven’t seen in years, but there’s no drama with them. I have one aunt that I’m really close to, though.

Have you ever eavesdropped and heard something you didn't want to hear? Yes.

When was the last time you used a pen, pencil or marker? I used a pen yesterday.

What's your favourite type of curry? I don’t eat curry.

Do you often go to do or say something and then just forget? It happens. Brain fog.

Who makes you laugh the hardest? My mom and brother.

Have you ever had casual sex? No.

What was the last thing you paid for with cash? Food.

What's the last letter of your middle name? Nah.

If your phone rang right now from a number you don't know, would you answer? Nope.

How long is your hair? Down to my butt.

What was your first pet's name and how did you pick that? The first pet whose name I picked was our dog, Scruffy, when I was about 4 or 5. I’m not sure how I chose that name. Do you drink diet or regular soda? Regular.

Have you ever been to Europe? No, but I’d love to.

Do you worry about your own health? Always. Yet, I admittedly don’t do some things I should be doing. I certainly could be doing a lot more.

Who did you last make plans with, and what plans did you make? Uhh, I made plans to watch something on Netflix with my mom tomorrow haha. Those are the only kind of plans I make nowadays.

Can you smell anything right now? My ramen.

How old were you when you got your first cell phone? 15.

When was the last time you bought a pair of shoes? I got a new pair for my birthday from my mom. All the shoes I have were birthday or Christmas gifts, to be honest. I don’t recall the last time I bought a pair of shoes myself.

Do you like fruit and vegetable combo juices? No. Or any kind of juice, period.

Have you ever been on a spring break trip? Yeah.

Would you rather be warmer or colder right now? I’d like if it were cold enough to need a blanket. We’re still not there yet in California even though it’s almost mid-October. :(

How tall are your highest heels? I don’t wear heels. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.

What's your favourite flavour of frosting? Good ol’ vanilla is the best, but I like strawberry, lemon, and cream cheese as well.

When did you wake up today? I haven’t gone to bed, yet, it’s 3:58AM.

Do you change your appearance often? No. I haven’t in quite awhile.

Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook? Why? Yes.

How many people do you work with?

What was the last thing you ate? Ramen.

Do you have any plans for three hours in the future? Probably attempt sleep.

Has anyone ever made a comment about your weight that offended or upset you? Yeah, it’s frustrating.

[crue-sixx]

For Family

Title: For Family

Author: tiddly-winx

Fandom: The Dirt

Summary:  The reader is a hit-man for the mob.  The boys get into more trouble than they can handle.

Warnings: Swearing, descriptive violence, making a murder look like a suicide

Note: Italics mean it was in the past

It all started when you were ten years old, the sweltering heat of an Arizona summer sun was hot enough, but you being left in the car with the windows up and doors locked while your mother, Darla was trying to score more drugs for her and her moron boyfriend  Lucas.  Said moron was waiting outside the car, making sure you couldn't get out and ruin the deal was laughing at you.  Sweat was pouring down your face and you could feel yourself grow weaker every passing second. You eventually passed out, sounds of a skirmish reverberating in the back of your mind.

It was the sound of shattering glass that momentarily woke you from your heat stroke induced stupor, a big fat man with greying hair carrying you to a cool place.  "To the hospital, Henri" the man said to the driver and the smooth motion of the car eased you back into a deep sleep.  When you awoke, you were in the hospital getting fluids and the fat, aging man sitting beside you with all the love of a father in his eyes.

"Hello, Little One" he greeted in accented English  "I am Enrico Gatto.  From this day, I will be your father" he kissed your hand and you nodded in respect and accepted his hospitality with grace.  "What is your name, Little One?"

"Y/N, L/N" you answered weakly.

"No" the old man shook his head "From this day, you will be Gatto.  My daughter" you didn't argue with him even if you could.  You had heard of the Gatto crime family and what they'd do to anyone who disrespected them.  You'd much rather live by their rules than end up in a filthy, battered orphanage with the thousands of other parent-less bastards the family left in their wake.

Your eyes were getting heavy again, and when you felt the gentle caress of his hand on your forehead, he said "Rest now, when you are well again, your training begins..."

In the world of 1981 at twenty years of age you were already the most successful hit-man in the Gatto family.  Your father had ordered you to go to Los Angeles and keep an eye on his biological son there, and if he acted against the family to take him out. For the past ten years of your life, you were trained in business practices, hand-to-hand combat and all the different ways you could fuck with people's minds and lives.  Only a select few of The Old Man's men knew your real purpose there, and they reported directly to you the goings on of the son, Gino.  The only person you answered to was Don Enrico himself.

But to keep up appearances of being a shy, weak damsel in distress, you were told to dress modestly, keep your head down and your nose out of drugs, and use your former name when people asked about it.  Other than that, you could do whatever you want.  But if you ever saw a crow with a messenger pouch on its leg, you had to drop everything and do exactly as the note said, then send the bird back with a white rose petal stuffed in the pouch to tell The Old Man that the job was done.

In your spare time, you rented out a shitty apartment in a filthy building where the renters directly below you were always loud and rehearsing their rock music.  To be completely honest, you knew next to nothing about rock music at all-the only music the Old Man would allow was opera.  The first time you heard them play, you had an epiphany-you actually liked their kind and went down to ask if you could listen to them.

The drummer leaped over his drum set and ran up to you, with a big grin on his face "Fuck yeah you can!"

The bassist and guitarist looked at each other in utter annoyance, the consternation clear on their faces.  Finally the bassist said "Okay, just be quiet and sit on the couch.  You're so lucky you're cute" the guitarist just rolled his eyes.

"Fuckin' teenagers and their fuckin' hormones..." he grunted.

The singer eased his way over and sat down on the couch next to you and said "Hey, cutie!  I'm Vince what's your name?"

You internally rolled your eyes at the word "cutie", you hated pet names like that and if you ever got the chance you would teach this blonde surfer punk some manners.  "I'm Y/N, L/N.  I live right above you!" you added the most annoying valley girl giggle you could muster, to which you saw the guitarist's eye twitch in rage.

When the other three heard where you lived, they kind of looked down in mock shame.  "Sorry" the drummer said "our rehearsals and parties must be so loud it's hard to think up there..." he extended his hand and said "I'm Tommy!  Nice to meet ya!" you shook his hand firmly.

"Nikki" the bassist said, raising his hand and a weak smile.  He seemed to be warming up to you slightly.

In a barely audible voice the guitarist added "Mick" without as much as looking up.

"We're playing at the Whiskey A Go Go tonight!  You should come!" Tommy said and added "we always have parties afterward!  Come to that too!"  It was as if the tall young man was one of those 'Love at first sight' assholes.

"That sounds great!" you said in excitement "What time do you go on?"

"10:30" Nikki said, not at all perturbed at the addition of another fan. 

"Cool!" you then saw a crow with a message pouch in the window, not skipping a beat you checked your watch and said "Shit I'm going to be late for work!  See you later!"

They all waved good bye, some more enthusiastic than others.  You went back to your apartment and opened the message.  Only a single word was written on it "Gino".  You swallowed it right away,  and prepared for a fun time.   You hated that prick ever since The Old Man bought you back to his house.

You knew by now, the few men who knew of your whereabouts had their orders to subdue Gino and wait for you to get there.  They would chloroform him during breakfast and keep him drugged until nighttime. 

When he woke up, you were the first person he saw.  "You have been a bad boy, Gino" you said in a condescending tone "Prostitution and drug trafficking?  Really?"

"Hey!  I'm bringing in cash for the family!" he protested, but with great satisfaction you swing the butt of your handgun across his face, blood spurting from his nose and mouth.

"You know the Old Man's rules" you said "No hookers, no drugs and no kiddies" you cocked the gun, rolling the bullet in the chamber and placing the gun to his temple "When you get to Hell, Gino tell em Y/N sent you" and pulled the trigger.  A reddish pink cloud erupted from his skull, brain matter and bone littered the floor of the warehouse.

You were wearing latex gloves of course, and put it in Gino's dominant hand.  You then placed a typed suicide note at his feet.  When you called it into the police you stripped from your work clothes and tossed them into a burning trashcan along with the gloves.  Underneath you were wearing a tank top and Daisy Duke shorts, waking towards the Whiskey.  One of the other guys had already sent the crow back to The Old Man with the white rose petal.

You came in the middle of a song, the whole place was rocking out and you were genuinely having a good time when the song ended and Tommy saw you front and center. Apparently it was the last song of the night and he ran up and hugged you like you were old friends.  You were taken aback but you returned the gesture, saying "Sorry I was so late!  I was stuck at work!"

"What do you do that takes more than eight hours?" Mick asked suspiciously.

"I work at a nursing home as a house keeping lady" you said, having procured a name tag from Sunnyside Nursing and Retirement Home, complete with your name, picture and job title.

"That's cool, sweetheart" Vince said, another tack on your tally for utterly beating the shit out of this blonde bimbo.

"It's a job" Mick smiled softly, finally taking a liking to you.

"So let's go to that party you were talking about" you winked at them, and they all smirked with knowledge of what they were about to partake in.

When morning came, you were crashed on their couch wearing one of their shirts.  The smell of burning eggs wafted to you and made you cough.  "Who taught you how to cook?!" you shouted as you opened the widow to get the smoke out.

"Julia Child" Mick answered sarcastically, as the toast began burning as well.  "Eat, I wanna talk to you" he slowly sat down across from you.

"It's black" you said "I'm not eating that" you pushed the plate away in disgust.

"Fine" he scoffed but then got serious "Your last name, my sister married a man with that same name" your stomach dropped from its place into your feet.

"What are you getting at, dude?" you asked.

"What are you're parents names?"

You wouldn't answer him, feeling yourself getting tense "I don't like talking about them"  the one thing that got under your skin quicker than anything else was talking about HER.

Mick did his best to try and stop you physically but his physical limitations stopped him from doing more.  "I might be your uncle" he said quickly.  A million thoughts came flooding your head, clouding your judgement.  You were about to say something, but the training you received from the Old Man kicked in so you just walked out in a huff.

You still hung out with the younger members all the time but Mick kept his distance, though from his facial expression it was rather painful for him to see you.  A few weeks went by without hearing from the Old Man, but one day a crow with a message tapped on your window.  You let it in, petting it's head.  The message was some random druggie business associate of the Old Man's, who apparently didn't pay his monthly protection fee and narc'd on the Old Man.

You sighed and got his address from the note where you were also instructed to make him suffer.  But imagine your surprise when you opened the door to find some of the Old Man's fingermen with the dude right here in the apartment.  One of the Old Man's most important lessons was to never bring your work home with you.  Its like shitting where you eat.  You don't do it.

It was late on a Saturday night, the party was raging downstairs with its loud music, people so fucked up that they could barely walk so nobody would notice.  You immediately knew what was going on.  Some men loyal to Gino wanted revenge, but if you were to die today, you wouldn't go without a fight.  You reached for your handgun but shot were fired before you could even get a round off.

Bits of plaster went flying through the air, the impact making the paper thin walls crack and see into the apartments next door.  You dove behind your couch for cover, praying that it was thick enough to stop the bullets.  Sounds of people running and screaming from the whole floor flooded your hearing and you were bought back to your training-imagine an aria.  Soon you couldn't hear anything but said aria, and your focus was reached. 

Almost as if you were a robot, you pulled your gun and fired five shots, three hitting the targets and two missing.  Now that the playing field was more evenly matched, you saw that the remaining two were trying to re-load.  You took the opportunity to push forward the heel of your palm and break a nose, then you grabbed the elbow and immobilized the whole arm.  The man cursed as you performed a perfect hip throw and locked his arm in an arm bar.  With a swift jerking of your hips, you heard a sickening snap as bone went through the skin.

The other guy had re-loaded and a slug went into your hand.  You let out a scream of rage as you rolled the guy with the broken arm on top of you so he could take the bullets meant for you.  You then heard a shotgun blast and everything went quiet.  You pushed the man off you to see Nikki, Vince and Tommy in stunned silence while Mick was expertly holding the smoking shotgun.

"What the fuck..." Nikki started but you shut him up.

"Quiet asshole" you barked, all of your false sweetness now gone.  You peeked out of your window and saw three more cars with armed mobsters pull up and run into the building.

You pushed past them yelling "If you dipshits have enough sense, you'd hightail it out like I am!" you hauled ass down the back stairs and into the alley.  You knew that if they found you here, that your other hideouts were likely compromised as well.  You were about to dash to a manhole and into a sewer when someone pulled you back.  On instinct you ducked and threw the person over your back and rolled into a camel clutch, stretching the person's back beyond what is humanly possible and grasping the head.  The mixture of blonde hair and incoherent screeching of cuss words let you know it was Vince. 

You let him go and said "If you're gonna follow me then hurry up!" you easily lifted the manhole cover and slid it aside, climbing down.

Tommy grabbed your hand and pulled you up "Not without a fucking explanation!" the footsteps were getting closer, shouts of :FIND HER!" were heard.

"If you REALLY want to get blown to hell today then by all means, stay here but I have no intention of dying!  Let me go!" you roared to him.

"NO!" he yelled back, pulling you up.  You pulled a bowie knife from your belt and slashed his hand with it, he reflexively let go and you dropped into the most foul smelling liquid you'd ever inhaled.  You took a few limping steps and vomited.  You heard splashes when more people came down the ladder, and you honestly thought you were done for.

You were shocked when Nikki and Tommy hoisted you in between them and began walking.  You were soon on the very edge of town when you three emerged from the sewer, all smelling like a fucking toilet.  "We're here..." Nikki said, letting his side down and knocking on the door "Marty!  Get the iron ready!  I got a gunshot victim!"

Marty was a pimple faced teenage medical master, having graduated as a doctor at age 12.  He was also a stoner who would take people who didn't have insurance and treat them in his little shack.  He was 18 now so it was his very own home, one that his parents couldn't leech off of.  "Got it!" he helped the others bring you in and laid you down on the floor.

"Jesus what happened?!" Marty said as he was applying some ointment to your scratches you got when bullets whizzed by your head.

"Fuck if I know!" Nikki said "We were having a party when we heard her" he pointed to you "fighting with a bunch of guys then gunshots and people running" when the iron was good and hot, Marty sat you up and handed a dirty dish rag to Tommy.  The tallest young man in the room knew what he had to do, he got behind you and gagged you.

The pain of burning flesh was something you felt before as part of your training but it was always so painful.  As soon as the hot iron came down on the raw, bleeding meat of your hand, you let out a muffled scream and for the first time in years, you l"et tears fall down your face.  Tommy kissed your hair and said softly "It's okay, Y/N...only a little longer..."  when they let you up, your good hand swung out and punched Marty right in the face.  He fell back and cursed you, his eye already swelling.

Nikki turned you so he could look directly at you and said "What the ever loving fuck is going on Y/N?"

"I'm a hitman for the Gatto crime family" you told them plainly.  "The Old Man adopted me when I was ten after he killed my mother and her boyfriend" you were beyond pissed now and looking for blood.  You got up, but a jolt of pain from your legs prevented you from moving.

Nikki and Tommy pushed you back down and said "You're not going anywhere.  You need to heal up and get better before you get revenge" Marty was now icing his eye and about ready to wrap your burnt hand.

"Why are you admitting this freely?" Nikki asked.

"My fuckin' cover's been blown, my apartment's shot to shit and if I cant get in touch with the Old Man, he'll come up here and look for me.  That puts you all in danger too" you said.  "Get me the phone..."

Marty was hesitant, but after looks from the others he relented,  You called and explained the situation to the Old Man, and he promised to come get you the next morning.  He did as he promised and got you in the car, looking as disappointed as a father scolding a wayward child.  "What's the matter?" you asked, taking out a cigarette.

"You've failed me, Little One" he said as he pulled out a revolver and handed it to you.  "Take your own life to atone for your transgressions, or I will torture you when we get back to Arizona..." his voice was full of malice and you simply put the gun beside you and looked directly at him.

"You dishonor your family by refusing a direct order?" he was growing incredulous as you stared him down.

"Family? No" the driver turned around and put a bullet in Enrico's head without a word "You? You bet your ass I would"  the blood pouring out of his nose and mouth was like a fountain, staining his upholstery an ugly burgundy

"Nice shot, Uncle Mick" you smirked as you admired his handiwork.

"That's Pumpkin" he replied.  "You get your love of firearms from your mother's side of the family" you laughed at that.  You knew when you talked to the Old Man on the phone the day before, from the sound of shock in his voice that he was the ones who sent those men to kill you, not people avenging Gino. 

The others met up with them back at the apartment and you apologized for playing them like cheap banjos, to Vince and Tommy for injuring them.  "So how did you change drivers without the Old Man noticing?" you asked them.

Nikki chuckled "I've got some buddies in the mob too.  I called in a few favors people owe me" that was all that he'd say about the subject and you knew better than to ask.

You turned to Mick and said "It seem like we have A LOT of catching up to do..." you decided that you'd let him in your life if he wanted it.

"That we do Pumpkin" he smiled warmly "That we do"

[beatyoutothepunchline]

On Telephones

Carrie Fisher once said to, “Take your broken heart and make it into art.” I don’t know if she ever found a way to mend a mangled heart--one that can’t will itself to make any art right now--but if anybody has got something better than slamming a two buck chuck while laying on the floor of your dorm room, listening to Julia Jacklin’s cover of “Someday” by the Strokes for the ten millionth time, while going between six different tabs on Glassdoor of jobs you didn’t get while waiting for inspiration to ding like the semi-hourly email from Sur La Table, reminding your newly single ass that “love is in the air” and while it is you can take an extra forty percent off all clad cookware, I’d like to know. All of this is happening on my phone, which I’m trying not to look at right now and am failing miserably at because I’ve spent the last ten years slowly becoming more and more addicted to and reliant upon it. I’m not sure I could go twenty seconds without checking my Instagram feed, and I can assure you that unless the little blue dot on my map app moved with me, I wouldn’t ever get to where I was going. (Have you tried to ask somebody on the street recently where something is? Everybody’s got their headphones in). Remember when phones were just phones and all they did was call people? I do… vaguely. I remember using my stubby, bitten down middle school fingernails to pull up the antenna of my 90’s Nokia, plopping down on the floor in the living room of our house in Omaha and calling everyone in my mom’s address book and tell them I had a cellphone and if I needed to be reached personally, I now could. I remember my mom walking into the room and asking what I was doing, so I told her. I was on the phone with our next door neighbor, Doris Helfrich. My mom pulled the phone out of my hand and apologized laughing it off. I was too old to be doing stuff like that. Twelve or thirteen maybe, but I’m amazed there was a point in my life when talking on phone was a source of anxiety. This is due to the pressure of trying to make a good first impression, which I’m bad at to begin with. I’m one of those people you need to meet at least eleven times before they can form an honest opinion about me. There’s even more pressure over the phone, because there is nothing to go on other than my voice. This wasn’t something that I noticed until I got older and became slightly more perceptive and self conscious of it. I personally have no problem with it, however, in recent years it has come to my attention thanks to the groundbreaking observation of several of the men I’ve gone out with that I sound, “nervous” (In my defense, I’m usually burning the candle at both ends and my voice is shaking because I’m jacked up on an insane amount of coffee.) Or they say I sound scared or sad or angry. My absolute favorite though,came from this idiot I am crying over who told me,“You sound like a California girl.” Because apparently I talk slower (I’m assuming he meant I had a super cool laid back, So-Cal surfer drawl) and because I say “like” a lot (I do, but it’s usually because I’m trying to find the right way to say something. I’m not sure why taking my time to choose my words carefully needs to be pointed out to me as if it’s a bad thing.) But I’m cool and I quote from my favorite Valley girl, saying, “Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man,” or some other joke that fits the comment. The smart one’s laugh and move on. The dumb ones ask, such as said idiot ask, “Why do you use comedy to distract from insecurities?” Truth is I didn’t have any until idiot dudes started pointing them out to me. I hate to admit I let something that stupid get to me, but whenever my phone rings now there’s this sense of fear that the voice on the phone doesn’t match the person I am, and the takeaway will be what I sound like, not what I’m trying to say. The next phone I got was a burnt orange Sidekick, which meant I could finally text people instead of having to call them. Not that I knew anyone to text. Certainly, the sixty-year-old neighbors I called on my Nokia didn’t know how to text or didn’t. But I meet people at school, those people invited me to parties where I meet more people. Those people and I talked for a while and if general teenage awkwardness (because let’s be clear: teenagers were socially awkward long before phones started making them that way) or my inability to form a sentence without sounding like an idiot didn’t ruin the conversation we’d exchange numbers so we didn’t have to talk with our mouths anymore. I distinctly remember a two week period in high school where I met a dude at a party, told my friend to give him my number, lost my phone for two weeks (totally content with never seeing it again) only to find it with an eighty-nine percent battery life and three texts from the boy my friend gave my number to. And really there are two things that are amazing about this. The first is that there was a point in my life where I went two weeks (336 hours, 20,160 minutes) without looking at my phone and that there was a point in my life where I truly didn’t care if the dude from the party texted me. Right after the party, or at all. What happened to her? Fourteen years old in that cocktail dress my mom bought me last minute from Forever 21, standing along the back wall of a dark high school gym, the bass rattling my chest. There was a point in my life where the loudness of it all didn’t freak me out. There was something almost kind of meditative about it. Not the people or music. There is absolutely nothing meditative about being surrounded by teenagers in varying stages of puberty (and yet somehow simultaneously, at the peak of it), dancing to “Apple Bottom Jeans” by T-Pain and screaming “REMEMBER FIFTH GRADE?!” or singing out of key to “Fireflies” by Owl City and screaming “REMEMBER SEVENTH GRADE?!” or little circles of light from a disco ball spinning around your head like someone knocked out in a cartoon. I stood along the back wall of the gym, closed my eyes and focused on the bass until I forgot all the lyrics and all the people around me. If I were twenty-one then I’d have pulled my earbuds out of my clutch and put in my music, Jon Brion or Aimee Man or the Velvet Underground, and slow danced with myself. Unfortunately, I was fourteen. I didn’t know who Jon Brion or Aimee Man were and I didn’t go to the dance alone. For some reason, I decided to go with a bunch of girls who were appalled by the sight of grinding. I was appalled by them being appalled by people who made different choices than they did and decided to call my parents to pick me up an hour into the dance. “Already?” My mom asked though I’m not sure why she was surprised. I always left the party early. As I sat waiting on a concrete bench outside, a girl ran out of the building like Cinderella and the clock was inching toward midnight. She was wearing a powder blue ball gown that looked more prom in the ’50s than a homecoming in 2013 and she was bawling her eyes out, mascara and eyeliner streaking down her face. She sat down on the opposite end of the bench from me. There were about twelve identical benches around us, but she sat on mine for some reason. From what I gathered between sobs into her cell phone she and her boyfriend had just broken up because he had and cheated on her with another girl, who he had taken to homecoming instead of her. Back in my dorm room in 2019, in between Julia Jacklin songs, I started to binge-watching videos by Thoraya Maronesy where she challenges people to call their crushes and ask them out on a date, or asks what the kindest thing they’ve ever been told and there was one video titled, “Who's 1 stranger that you still remember?” And as I watched this video, I tried to think about a stranger I remembered meeting and only one that came to mind was this girl on the bench. And the only thing I remember feeling at that moment was disgust. Because I didn’t understand why she would cry over someone like that. I didn’t get it when I invited him to a lit series I was asked to read at. I’m scared of talking to one person, the thought of standing in front of fifty hipsters in Carhartt beanies who are all tastefully one drink into the evening, armed with big vocabularies and ready to critique me is terrifying. It’s not like Iowa where if you screw up people won’t remember it because they’re not paying attention, won’t remember it because they’re five beers in, or will remember it but love you enough to make it into a joke they’ll tell at your wedding, to your children when they are old enough to get it, and put in your obit. To my surprise, they were all incredibly nice and he was the asshole. I took his judgment of shaky voice and my word choice as honesty. I let him rip into the poets that read the whole walk back to the train, only meekly interjecting with, “At least they’re writing poetry.” I let him call me cute and mansplain the intricacies of his book on finance and politics. I didn’t get it until I made dinner for him (which took well over the estimated hour cook time, because I, in fact, do not know how to operate an oven) and he told me that he was seeing three other people while I was home over winter break. Over break. When he was calling me every other night to tell me he missed me, I was dipping out of dinner early, laying on the landing of the staircase of my parents place or pacing around the freezing garage floor talking to him for an over hour. Because who calls anymore unless they really like you? Only then did click and I finally got it. Heartbreak is a sixteen year old who--for the first time in her life--finally feels like Nora Ephron didn’t completely lie to her, only to have that feeling stripped away by some stupid thing some boy told her. Because a woman well versed in her past mistakes and a man well versed in his didn’t write the right words for that asshole. Heartbreak is a big blue dress that directly juxtaposes the era. That you write off as being delusional or dated, but secretly gives you hope that slow dance still happen, that late night telephone conversations between two people still exist, and still mean more than what is said during them. Heartbreak is mascara running all down your face and no one chasing after you when you leave the party. And let me tell you, that kind of heartbreak looks much better on a sixteen-year-old girl at homecoming than on a twenty-something sitting alone at her kitchen table, with a botched TJ’s lemon chicken sitting in front of her, still a little raw in the middle. I glance down at my phone, trying to convince myself it was to check the time instead of Snapchat, or Instagram. It’s the time of night I would have called him and I debate calling my mother, but I’ve already called her. She likes breaking news, not this repetitive, 24-hour loop of a relationship I prefaced with, “Don’t get used to hearing about him. It’s not gonna last.” I know she will be a hundred percent honest with me. She’ll tell me to wipe the snot out of my nose, splash some cold water in my face and get over it. So instead I call my grandma because I want to talk to somebody that will pretend to care and she is scarily upbeat and gets wildly off topic. She will save me. Or distract me. Maybe they’re the same thing. As soon as she picks up, she tells me about how my uncle Rob was in Chicago for a Navy conference. “But only for two days,” she says as if to avoid offending me. As if I would be furious to find out he didn’t want to spend the few free hours he had in his tight schedule to see me. She told me he left his Navy blues or whatever you call them back in DC where he sometimes works, or in Sicily where he is currently stationed. I forget where she said he left his Navy blues because I wasn’t listening to her tell me how he ran all over town on his lunch break, acquiring pieces of a uniform from thrift stores and getting them tailored to fit him before dinner that night. Where nobody was the wiser, save the two men he asked had a spare necktie. I didn’t stop to consider how beautiful that was--how it could be a short story. One I could’ve been writing if I wasn’t preoccupied with things not working out with the guy I was seeing. My grandma, now picking up on my not so subtle crying, tells me in an uncharacteristically flat, matter-of-fact tone, “It works or it doesn’t,” before telling me to link up with my mom’s second cousin who lives two streets down on Michigan Avenue. That I should consider writing him a letter. Maybe network a little. I write down his address, toy with the idea of writing a letter, but hang up when my grandma starts telling me to “network” with people. A few hours after my conversation with my her, no further into my homework or a story about my uncle, I go from break up songs to love songs when “Big Me” by the Foo Fighters pops up on my recommended list. I’d heard the song before, but I had never really listened to it. Some people say it’s about a fight this guy has with his girlfriend and the line, “If we can get around it/I know that it's true.” Meaning, if it’s the real deal, they’ll figure it out together. Some say that lead singer, Dave Grohl, simply meant it as a corny love song for his wife at the time, some insist it’s about dealing with the loss of Kurt Cobain. I don’t know. I wasn’t in the state of mind to analyze it, so I let the music video inform the brilliant and infuriatingly vague lyrics. The music video for “Big Me” parodies a Mentos commercial, aptly renaming the mint candy “Footos.” In it, Grohl, the band, and several actors (who, if not ripped off of the set from an actual Mentos commercial we’re perfectly cast as being the kind of people that could be in one), encounter a series of minor a setbacks. A woman gets parked in by a self-centered businessman, Dave Grohl gets cut off by an angry lady in a limo, and a kid is kept from getting into a Foo Fighters concert. After a moment of contemplation as each tries to figure out how to deal with the situation they are confronted with, they have this sort of “Ah-ha!” moment, before popping in a “Footo,” smiling at the camera and coming up the solution that has been there all along. The band picks the car out up of the parking spot so the lady can get out, Dave Grohl befriends the woman in the limo that cuts him off and give her a Footo, and the kid is able to sneak into the concert and play with the band. It’s equal parts funny, stupid and feel good and I can’t help but smile when I watch it. I text my brother a link to the video and tell him that I’m having one of those nights where I look at Dave Grohl and think, “Alec could do that.” I pause to explain that, “I don’t know exactly what I mean by that.” But I tell him have fun making that EP he and his band are making. I listen to the song fade out and check my phone, wishing I could pop in a Mento, choose happiness and figure out how to fix myself when I think of one last number I can call. I get up off the floor, walk over to my desk and slide the poem my mom gave me out from under the chip clip holding it to my picture frame. The poem was her dad’s. It’s titled “Don’t Quit,” and when I’m close to quitting I read the poem. When I want answers to questions I flip it over to the phone number written on the back under the name D. Imer. I have no idea who he might be is or what it might means. I open my phone, dial the number, and stop just short of calling. Not because I care about what the person on the other end will think of me or my voice, but because I don’t want to ruin the illusion I’ve created. Deep down I know it will not redirect me to a secret telephone line that will give me answers to all my questions.

[blockheadjnr]

There’s this part I really liked in zero dawn horizon with one of the scientists of the Apollo project or whatever, who talks a lot like how me and my friends do. I’ll have to find her but she speaks with a “California English” dialect, but she’s still well educated and well respected in her field. It made me feel a lot less self conscious about the way I talk with lots of “dudes” “totally” “like” bc I was told that it made me sound like “I was stupid” growing up. But I listened to her audio logs and the way she spoke didn’t devalue the message in anyway? It’s hard to explain without having references available but I’ll find someday

The origins of the “California English/valley girl/surfer dude” dialect is actually really cool thanks to the Migration from settlers from the east coast moved out to the west coast.

[mysticvampyre]

Fallen Angel

Have this little gem on my FanFiction.net but decided to post it here in the spirit of Halloween so... here ya go! Enjoy!

FALLEN ANGEL PART 1

"Out of the way! Move it!" A girl shouted as she pushed past a crowd full of tourists that filled the boardwalk.

"Stop her, someone stop that girl. She stole my purse!" An overweight woman shouted as she huffed along trying to catch up to the girl. The woman bent at the waist holding her knee as she tried to catch her breath. She knew she couldn't catch her and her pleas of help fell on deaf ears seeing as no one else made a move to go after the girl in question.

You see that kid there running like the Flash. Yeah that's me. What can I say. I'm not usually a bad kid, it's not like I took the Rosanne Barr look-alike purse for fun. I was broke. I need the money. Hey being a runaway in Santa Carla isn't easy. Nor is it cheap. Especially since I ran over three hundred and forty-eight miles to get here. Why did I run to Santa Carla? I've asked myself the same thing since the day I first came to this little beach town nicknamed the "Murder Capital of the World." I can't explain it. I just had and unexplained pull to this place. Anyhow let's get back to me and see how my little adventure is panning out shall we.

The girl took off and disappeared into some empty alley. Soon She tipped the purse out onto the ground looking for anything useful. She grabbed really the only thing that would be any good to her. Cold hard cash. She left the rest of the contents of the purse strewn on the ground before peeking her head out of the alley. She gave a quick look around checking to see if anyone was tailing her. When she was satisfied no one was she stepped back onto the boardwalk cramming the cash into her dirty and faded jean shorts pocket.

She spotted a surf shop out of the corner of her eye and made her way over to it. Walking through the beaded curtain that hung there as a door she looked around. Typical shop. The hottest, newest 80's fashions hung all over the shop and the mannequin that littered the store. Behind the counter was some teen girl with overly teased hair who wore too many bright colors and an oversized shirt that slipped off one shoulder. She sat there popping her gum rather loudly reading the latest teen magazine. There were your typical surfer dudes drooling over the new boards while in another corner of the shop were your typical bleach blond air headed valley girls drooling over them.

She shook her head as she grabbed some clothes off some of the racks and made her way over to the counter where the girl with the mile high hair sat now attempting to tune a tinny sounding radio.

"Hey is there somewhere I can try this stuff on?" The girl looked up and rolled her eyes.

"It's like over there." She said pointing before going back to playing with the radio.

"It's like over there." the girl mimicked as she walked toward the back of the shop where the girl at the register pointed. She walked into one of the little cubicles and pulled the curtain closed behind her. Tossing the clothes on the makeshift bench next to her she began to peel her top off over her head. She then slipped off the shorts she wore taking the money from them before tossing them to join the rest of the clothes in the corner. She picked up the brand new denim shorts, turning them in her hands she looked for the price tag. She wrapped it around her fingers and popped off the tag.

"Oops looky the tag conveniently popped off." She said before slipping them on and shoving the money in the pocket. Next she took off her bra and slipped on the red and black bikini top. Over that she put on a grey hooded long sleeve jacket that had Santa Carla written across the back. She removed the tags from that too. Gathering the close she had taken off she walked from the dressing room walking right past the girl at the counter who thankfully was now distracted by a surfer guy. She headed out the door and down to the beach in her new threads.

Once on the beach she headed to the shower stalls that lined this particular section. She reached out pulling a towel off the corner of one of the stalls as she passed. When she found an empty stall she turned it on and dumped the clothes she had worn into it. She gave them a quick rinse and brought them to the shore. The sun was still high in the sky as she laid the towel she pilfered out. She dropped her clothes on one end to dry and she took the hooded shirt off and lay next to the clothes.

Yes I know. I'm too good at being sneaky. What can I say living on the streets you learn to survive or your screwed. Not in the good way either. So, anyhow. There I was soaking up the sun. Little did I know that this would be one of the last few days I would actually see the sun again. I was on a one way collision course with fate. I know you're probably sitting there like "What the frack girl?!" Just watch you'll see.

After a few hours the girl got up and took her now dry clothes and tied them up in the zip top jacket. The sun had set now and it was getting cooler. Walking back onto the boardwalk the girl decided to just hang out. She hit up a hotdog stand there and ordered a hotdog and soda. She walked along while she ate. As she passed a stand she reached behind the counter and snatched a plastic bag. She tossed her garbage in the nearest trash bin before untying the jacket and dumping the contents into the bag. She tossed the jacket on and kept moving. She spotted a carousel not too far so she decided to go and people watch.

She stood there watching the carousel make its way round and round then she noticed something. A group of guys were walking around the carousel. She normally wouldn't have paid them any mind but there was something different about them. They walked with an air about them. They sauntered between the horses She took note of them one by one. Their was a tall platinum blond with a mullet dressed head to toe in black. Behind him came a tall native looking guy with long dark hair in a leather jacket and nothing else underneath. The one that followed him another tall guy with dirty blond hair he screamed rocker to her the hair the clothes everything. Finally behind him was a shorter blond with curly hair a boyish face and an impish grin. He had on a bright color jacket that you could spot a mile off.

The carousel turned and they disappeared from her line of view. When they had come back around she had noticed the platinum blond trying to flirt with this blond who was sitting next to a rather muscly buff guy. She knew they were out of earshot of her but she couldn't help from putting her two cents in. "Seriously, dude you must have a death wish." The platinum blond was shoved back by the guy with the woman. His friends jumped to his defense. As did the huge mans. Again she lot sight of them as the carousel turned.

She ran around to the other side wanting to know what was going on. By the time she got there, there was a rent a cop on the ride with a nightstick around the platinum haired ones throat. She couldn't hear what was going on but one by one the boys jumped down off the ride before the platinum blond was released and calmly walked away before he too hopped off the ride. As they were walking away the girl walked past and accidentally bumped up against the dark-haired one. He gave her a quick glance and she gave him another once over before walking off.

Off in a quiet corner of a secluded part of the boardwalk stood a small booth. Outside stood a sign. Painted in big block letters and bright colors. Fortunes told $5. As the girl walked past she took a quick glance at the sign. "Oh what the hell. Why not. She'll probably just tell me a bunch of general hokum and nonsense but I'm bored."

She stepped into the tiny booth and looked around as her surroundings. It was all dimly lit with candles flickering. She could smell incense wafting through the air in thick clouds. In the center of the small room was a table covered in a celestial designed table-cloth with two chairs and smack dab in the middle of the table was a crystal ball. She walked over and took a seat.

"Hello! Is anyone here?" She called out. From a side room a small elderly woman walked out from a beaded curtain separating the room. She walked over to the empty seat and sat down. The girl was a little taken back when she looked at the woman. She sat there and stared at the girl. Her eyes drifting over her. "Don't be afraid deary I won't hurt you."

"Your.. your..."

"Eye? Yes it does unnerve some. The visions come clearer since this happened the gypsy woman said pointing to her left eye that was clouded over. She was blind in that eye. "Now let's get down to why you're here deary." She handed her a small bundle of herbs.

"Whats this for? The girl asked.

"Sage, burn it and use this feather to blow the smoke around and smudge the room." The girl gave a shrug and did what she was told.

Yeah I know I'm not all that big a believer in psychic, ghost, ghouls and things that go bump in the night but I figured just roll with it. What harm could come of it. Well . . . let's find out if I'm right or not.

Once the room was good and smelling of burnt sage mixing with the smell of sandalwood incense the old woman asked for the girl's hand. She gave it to her and the woman traced a finger over it. "You have a very long life line. In fact it is an unusually long one. I have never seen one like this. I also see love in your future. Let's see now. Stare into the crystal ball and relax."

The girl did so. She just saw the wisps of the smoke from the incense twirl round the ball. "Yes, yes I see. I see a tall, dark, handsome man he is beautiful but deadly. Not what he appears. It will be a child that brings you together."

"That I so general that could be anyone."

"You met him. Tonight by the carousel." The young girls face dropped.

"What?" there is no way you could have known that."

"Ah but I do child, but beware. There is also danger ahead. Red will run when he is near. Be cautious, there are things in this town that are not what they seem. Remember one more thing child. The last sometimes does not stay in the past. Now it is time you go my child."

The woman stood and walked back behind the curtain. As she did a gust of wind blew through the room blowing the candles in the room out. The girl felt a shiver run down her spine as she left the money on the table and all but ran out of the little booth.

She ran out onto the boardwalk again and barreled down this girl who was walking with a young boy. She stuck out a hand and helped her up. "Sorry bout that." The girl she picked up was dressed in gypsy fashion and had poofy dark hair. She didn't say anything in reply she just looked at the girl who knocked her over. The girl who ran out of the booth walked over to the boy. "You okay kid?" He just nodded his head as she tousled his hair. His eyes lit up and he gave her a small smile. "Good to know. Sorry bout knocking your sister down." She said before walking off into the night to try to find a place to sleep.

[moonlitmoth]

20, 29, 35

20. What’s one stereotype of where you come from that actually fits? 

I guess the first thing I can think of that also applies to me is how we talk “like that.” A Californian coastal way of speaking. Not everyone does it, but I naturally have that Valley Girl way of speaking based on the fact that I grew up there. Almost every other word is “like” and there’s an “omg” in almost every sentence, I’m sorry. It even gets on my own nerves sometimes. If I’m excited about something, God help you, it’s even worse. My friends used to joke I sound like Lumpy Space Princess. I remember when SNL would do those The Californians skits and I’d be like “We don’t sound like that!” Then I was sitting in class one day and I suddenly became aware of how other people around me were speaking and realized that actually, yeah, we all fucking talk like that. Very surfer-dude like. Lots of “bros” and “dudes.” There are certain ways we make our “o’s” sound, that I do. 

It’s funny, I remember purposefully trying to start speaking like this in 2nd grade, because my bff at the time talked like that, so I adopted it. Then over time, people would tell me how stupid I sounded or mock me, even though I always did fairly well in school and I certainly didn’t/don’t write the way I speak in academic papers. So I would try to change it, but it was just kind of exhausting to be honest. It wasn’t until a few years later when I started listening to Bikini Kill and Le Tigre and heard the way Kathleen Hanna spoke that I was like “fuck it, this is how I talk. If you focus more on how I say things rather than the content of my words, you’re the idiot, not me.” You can kiss my 3 times Dean’s List Awarded ass like, totally.

But nowadays it seems like a lot of people talk like that so it’s not as big of a deal anymore.

29. Most pleasing accent to listen to?

Scottish. I would happily listen to a Scottish person read the entire dictionary.

35. Do you sing in the shower?

If there’s no one home, yes.

[daniel--molina]

Biting Down Prompt 1

Let’s start with the basics: who are you? Have you had previous roleplay experience? If so, tell us what experience you’ve had, like how many years you’ve roleplayed and what sort of genres you’ve tried. If not, what excites you the most about joining a roleplay?

you can find the long af answer to that here and you can find the rest of the questionnaire under the cut for Danny

What inspired your character? What inspired you to write them and what are you most excited about for your character?

Danny was created to fill a connection for another character on a different roleplay that didn’t last very long, but his character -- the California surfer dude frat bro -- stayed mostly the same. The inspirations for him are pretty simple: I’m from California, I live close enough to entire towns that capitalize on surfing, and I’ve been to college long enough to have seen someone down an entire bottle of Hennessy in under 30 minutes. The way Danny talks is basically how I talk if you ever met me in person (except I definitely sound more valley girl than he does).

So aside from personal experiences, there’s also Fantastic Beasts and Ilvermorny that really opened up a lot of opportunity for me to write about an American character, even if there’s not a lot written in canon about it. (Danny isn’t a fan of Ilvermorny, if only because it’s in the middle of bumfuck nowhere and he’s very much a social person... who’ll also brag about the west coast being the best coast.)

I’m really looking forward for Danny to make friends, even if he doesn’t really remember all of their names. What I enjoy about playing him is that he’s not really limited in who he can talk to; he just talks to everyone. He’s the kind of unclassy tourist to excuse a faux pas if only because he didn’t know he made it. I would put him to be somewhere between Michael Scott from The Office and Jean-Ralphio Saperstein from Parks and Recreation just because he has like... no self-awareness? At all?

Which relationships are you most excited to explore for your character? What character conflicts do you think will affect your character the most and why? If your character currently has no conflicts, what kind of plots would you like to see?

well Danny’s not really the relationships guy... but here’s a list of people he’s excited to hang out and/or hookup with as he tries to find a way to not be homeless in the UK

JT

Frigid Bitch

the Girl with the Tits

Quidditch bro

the Golden Snatch

Pumpkin Pasties 

Pumpkin Pasties Part Two

I’m excited to have him be more involved with more people (honestly, who isn’t?) but he’s literally always wanting me to reply to all the opens for him. Maybe he’ll make some sort of crew as he sleeps his way through the magical community. 

What do you hope to gain from Biting Down? Considering the first few events we’ve had so far, what would you like to see in the future?

If I’m talking about Danny specifically, I hope he gets involved with something darker than just goofing off. I think it’ll take a lot to shake him from his casual attitude and his lightheartedness but I wanna see how he deals with tragedy, or at least people dealing with tragedy. He hasn’t really encountered loss, and not that he’s really had a sheltered childhood, but most of his life really included him not really taking anything seriously. I want someone to slap him and tell him to get a grip -- especially as the entire magical community hunkers down with these attacks.

[ramialkarmi]

12 sayings only people from California will understand

California is known by many as the land of beautiful celebrities, packed freeways, and perpetual summer. 

But the nation's most populous state also has a huge variety of people with unique ways of speaking, from valley girl speak to surfer lingo to slang inspired by Bay Area hip hop. 

The people of the Golden State speak a dialect distinct enough to warrant its own name: California English.  

We've come up with 12 sayings that only people who hail from the Golden State will understand.

1. "There's a Sigalert for the carpool lane on the 5 south." 

Freeways are a huge part of Californians' daily existence, so of course there are plenty of slang terms associated with it. Californians may be the only people in the country to put "the" before the number of a freeway route (and they're never called highways), and the only people to call it the carpool lane instead of the HOV.

And if there's a Sigalert, take it as a hint to avoid the area completely. Sigalerts are messages issued by the California Highway Patrol when there's an accident or anything else blocking multiple lanes of traffic, meaning that notorious California traffic is even more horrendous than usual (see also: Carmageddon).

2. "It takes 20 minutes, depending on traffic."

People from California say this all the time to describe their location, and it's barely ever true. 30 minutes just sounds way too far, and 15 minutes is unrealistic.  

We all know that 20 minutes away really means something closer to 40, and that light traffic is never something you can depend on. 

3. "June Gloom."

Beginning in June (or even at the end of May if it's a particularly unlucky year), a wave of foggy weather invades coastal areas of California and ruins everyone's beach plans. June Gloom/Grey May/No-Sky July are southern Californian terms used to describe a weather pattern that brings low-lying clouds and mist during the early summer months. 

Though people from out of town will try to convince you it's just air pollution, the fog that appears every morning usually clears up by mid-afternoon or so. 

4. "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." 

This San Francisco cliche is usually attributed to Mark Twain, though there's no evidence he ever actually said it. Contrary to what pop culture may have you have believe, summer in the Bay Area is pretty cold, and fog is a nearly constant presence. 

The fog may be a nuisance to visitors touring the Bay Area, but San Franciscans embrace the fog as an essential part of what makes their city home. They even named the fog Karl and gave it its own Twitter and Facebook pages.

5. "It's pretty gnarly out, bro. It's double overhead today!"

Surfer culture has had a huge influence on the way coastal Californians speak. You may hear surfers, skaters, and snowboarders talking about "shredding the gnar," but even those who refrain from participating in extreme sports tend to use the word "gnarly" to describe things that are either extremely good or extremely bad.

You'll also hear words like "epic," and of course, "dude." Waves that are "double overhead" are not meant for the faint of heart.

6. "I'm stoked." 

Though Merriam-Webster defines "stoke" as "to stir or add fuel to (something that is burning)" this expression has absolutely nothing to do with building a fire, at least in a literal sense. Californians are stoked when they're totally, completely exhilarated about something, whether it's a trip to the mountains or a huge swell coming just in time for the weekend. 

Now a commonly used word in many regions, "stoked" became popular with "The Endless Summer," a classic surfing movie documentary by Bruce Brown from 1966.  

7. "Hella."

Perhaps one of the most distinctive and divisive words on this list, the use of the word "hella" is an immediate indication that the speaker is from northern California. Derived from "hell of a" or "hell of a lot," the word is generally used in place of "really," "a lot," or "very."

Don't get caught using this word in the southern part of the state, however. You'll only hear people from the Bay Area say this, while people from elsewhere in California will probably find the term annoying. 

8. "The industry."

Vague references to "the industry" might be a little confusing to people not from southern California. When someone says their husband or wife works in "the industry," they don't mean they're an industrial worker, though they may belong to a different kind of labor union. Actors, directors, producers, screenwriters, art directors, film editors, and talent agents are just a few people who make up the huge entity that is "the industry." 

Show business is so prominent in Los Angeles that southern Californians should immediately get the reference. 

9. "This burger is bomb."

We've all heard people refer to things as "the bomb" since the late '90s.  Californians often put their own spin on this outdated expression by taking out "the."

It's usually food items that are referred to as "bomb," though theoretically anything awesome could be referred to in this way. 

10. "I'll take a Double-Double, animal style."

Californians are deeply proud of their In-N-Out, a fast-food burger chain that comes with its own jargon and a secret menu not advertised in stores. A burger served "animal style" has mustard fried into the patty and comes with extra spread and grilled onions. 

You can also order your fries animal style. If you're especially hungry, try a 3x3 burger, which comes with three beef patties, or even a 4x4, which comes with four.

11. "This burrito is dank." 

"Dank" is a prime example of a term whose connotation has changed from negative to positive thanks to slang usage. Though Merriam-Webster defines it as meaning "wet and cold in a way that is unpleasant," as in a dank basement, the word was adopted by stoner culture to describe high-quality marijuana. 

The word has since evolved to describe anything that is especially good, like an exceptionally tasty burrito. 

12. Whatever you do, definitely don't say "Cali." 

The only people who don't refer to California as "Cali" are the Golden State natives themselves. You will very, very rarely hear a Californian call their home state by this name, even though people from everywhere else love to call it that. 

If you want to blend in, try to avoid this shudder-inducing word in the presence of California natives.

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