#and i cant go to the hospital. i cant
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DONATE THROUGH PAYPAL
DONATE THROUGH VENMO
Safebow, led by raindovemodel over on instagram, is a grassroots team currently doing their best to evacuate almost 200 Palestinian individuals from Gaza.
To do this, they had to raise over $300,000 in a very short amount of time. Amazingly, they not only raised that amount, but surpassed it to the point that they'll now be able to buy prosthetics for the hospitals they work with.
However, Gofundme has thrown a spanner into the work by going completely silent and holding up over half of their funds.
They are on a time crunch as they desperately try to recoup their money before the border closes. Please donate to their Paypal, Venmo or Zelle. Their window of success is genuinely a matter of days.
#i cant vouch for rain more honestly - they update literally every day on their story and theyre super transparent and clearly desperate#to do anything to help#like they literally had to do a surgery in the middle of all this and they were still posting calls to actions in the car there#AND in the hospital bed directly after#if youre not convinced just go to their instagram and flick throught their stories a bitt#theyve done this sort of thing before - safebow has delivered aid in ukraine as well#and for gaza rain has gone to an active warzone multiple times to hand out cash aid for desperate families#please consider giving generously#palestine#free palestine#mutual aid#cash donation#donation for gaza#free rafah
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Viv and Vex ponies !!! So happy with how these guys came out honestly <333
Design referenced from @the-good-luck-anomaly (specifically this)which was inspired by this)) fun little inspo train :3!! Me talking bout it and some flats and such under cut
Queen and Laz soon ^^ !!
RAGHHHH OK.... I loved doing these guys so much !!!!!
Basic flats ⬇️⬇️
I imagined them with opposite faced curled collars (imagine my dismay when I checked and this was just their hair and not also cool collars) so a little bit of fun jacket business.
their bodies are bloodstained but less so in the areas under the coat and gloves . the gloves protected the area they are worn on more than the coats because the gloves are a bit tighter, the coats don't even really close lmao
ALSO AUGHHHH the designs I referenced for these guys are SO GOOD!!!!!! the flat teeth specifically I love so much they're just so good and the perfect amount of spooky unexpected (for a vamp) for them 💛💛💛
#jrwi the suckening#the suckening#jrwi vex#jrwi viv#tw blood#tw hospital#only kinda imagery but yk#oh no she cant hear us.... she has airpods in ....#tumblr ruined my quality but i dont work very clean anyway LMAOOO#was going to share the speed paint to but. post is already long enough (curse of the yapper) /lh#MyArt
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"a dude in Texas legally changed his name to "Literally Anyone Else" and he's attempting to run for President against Biden & Trump" [source]
okay, but putting aside the comedic aspect of this, it is concerning the amount of people who are prompted to vote for candidates just because it's funny. I'm not the biggest fan of how his policy about the boarder sounds [Site], but I do implore anyone who is able to vote in the 2024 US election to please research other candidates.
The media is only going to continue pushing the idea it's inevitably going to be Trump vs Biden 2.0 and we have no other options, that we have to vote for Biden again because of Project 2025. Is that whole thing terrifying?
Yeah, fucking absolutely.
But voting for Biden will not solidify our safety from that. Biden is exactly like the rest of them. He always has been. You can't make the lesser of two evils argument when they're both just plain evil.
You cannot say that Biden is even mildly a better choice than Trump when he is currently directly involved in a genocide. That is not some little fucking thing. That in and of itself disqualifies him as a lesser evil. Biden is just as bad as him and he will not save us because he doesn't fucking care.
Cornel West [Site] is an Independent candidate running for President in the 2024 Election. [Policies]
Claudia De la Cruz and Karina Garcia [Site] are running for President and Vice-President as the candidates of the Party for Socialism and Liberation in the 2024 Election. [Policies]
There are options.
There are people trying to change the corrupt foundation our system is built on, but we have to help amplify them because the mainstream media will not.
#have you looked at what's happening in New York & the subways#There's so many reported shootings and deaths and it just seems to be getting worse.#I just looked up subway shooting ny because I wanted to check before saying something#There's reports from like 3 hours ago about someone getting pushed in front of one of the moving subways & there's so many others#or how about the like thousands of police officers that they've got stationed at subways in ny literally doing fuck all#or how everyone's going through a housing crisis and cant afford rent and cant get medical care because it can cost#$4000 to get a fucking ambulance and that's cheap. That's a ride to the hospital less than 20 minutes away probably.#or the rise in hate crimes and bigotry and all the shit they're now trying to censor with the kosa bill#or how terrifying places like Florida have became for anyone thats not seen as an equel by people who dont view most others as equels.#or how they're pouring billions into wars while we're in the midsts of a homeless crisis#suicide rates are at record levels in the us and it's only going to get worse. theyre pulling telehealth which will take away#life saving medical care for people who dont have the ability to go in person. people's ability to get therapy and meds being taken away#Is going to kill people. or how the Biden administration has fucked up their Covid response so goddamn badly#people are referring to the pandemic in past tense and have lost understanding for others who they'd have understood before#they've lied and they've concealed and its killing millions of people and disabling even more. but they will not take accountability.#long covid is ruining people's lives and they've successfully led the narrative that its not real or not that serious.#they will sit there and they will lie. they will say they've protected women's rights and that its a top priority.#they'll say that healthcare is a top priority but have suggested that they'd veto a healthcare for all bill because of its price tag#but will spend billions and billions and billions on a genocide that the majority is against. the system isn't going to begin collapsing#it already is.#its crumbled and we must demolish the corrupt remains and rebuild a better government that gives a shit about people#ALL people.#they use basic human rights as bargaining chips.#the Democrats and Republicans on a Venn diagram is a circle. wake up.
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i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed
#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant#its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things#we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt?#i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an#me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could#feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly#accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore#what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back#with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other??#why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used#to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this??#i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting#for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our#bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us??#im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70#yapping#vent
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ah shit, here we go again. welcome zi rui!!
#ts4#s#*soju save#next baby will be delivered at home I cant EYE CANT#its saur long#i only go to the hospital so that they can have a birth certificate kfdjkfg#*abigail gen
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just like a quick heads up and bit of housekeeping, for "I was raised Catholic and by fucking God does that mess you up" and "over the years people have made exceptionay kind offers" reasons, going forward I'm going to try to be more active on this blog and with every edit I'm going to be including"like my stuff? support me here" links. Those links will always lead back to various charities helping folk in places like Sudan, the Congo, and Palestine. I'd Uber appreciate it if y'all lent them your kindness instead of directing it at me and preferably played along with the bit however best suits you.
#tldr im ass broke and am going to be spending a month or so in hospital and cant like afford that so im going#to be e-begging on my other blog but because of the aforementioned catholicism im literally incapable of asking for money#when theres clearly people who need it more. So im hoping the number of folk who see the posts on this blog will level out that a bit#i know thats not bow it works but my shrink didn't give me a check in deadline for no reason and i cant afford to give more#than i already have. so like. idk help a brother out and help folk who need it.#not a fix#housekeeping
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@whyantm ENHANCE
el honey why are you cartoon strutting into the hospital
they cut away on the EXACT frame that would've really made it well visible but it is definitely happening
that's some real eagle eye spotting ty for your service whee1erz
#I cant stop laughing at the way she's walking now it's all I can see#elmax#gifs#mine#me when girls who prominently hold hands in 40 other scenes are holding hands for an additional microsecond: :O!!!!!!!!#this is adorable but why? why on the way into the hospital?#'hey el Strange Things are happening again and we're going to the hospital to check on an old lady to see if shes possessed or just rabid'#el: *struts in holding max's hand with Stayin Alive clearly playing in her head for some reason*
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GAGGINGGGGG THROWING UP SCREECHING i paused on each frame and sobbed like a FREAK he can never stay mad at her he's so freaking smitten, down bad, he's a simp my god get a GRIP sunjae wth
#tp#if you know me you know that i cant ever react to this and hugs normally. always gotta react VISCERALLY like a rabid DOG#so depraved of affection and love this gave me chills#also watched ep 4s ending a lot. made me cry like three times. i cry a lot these days my goodness. he's just so soft and tender#the way he held her face so lovingly and he seemed terrified oh goodness#also my girl can never catch a break lmao ALWAYS gotta end up in some weird place doing some weird shit lmfao#no but also whatever this fate thing is it's GRINDING it's literally pulling them towards each other so i cant even blame her#LIKE WDYM BOOKS FELL ON YOUR HEAD SO YOU PASSED OUT IN HIS ROOM GO TO THE HOSPITAL ��😭😭😭😭😭😭#anyways i will continue to stare at these ss and contemplate about my life decisions thus far#lovely runner
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Chapter 10 of TPiaG: Body Swap AU
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@sincerely-sofie We made it to the double digits! Thank you so much for all your encouragement and nice words! It's what has kept me continuing with this story, despite the first chapter just kinda being a one off thing! I look forward to continuing it!
Dusknoir makes breakfast
"Do not ever forget that." Dusknoir uttered.
Even though he can't see his face, the light from the tail flame let him know exactly how Darkrai felt.
He let go of him, dropping him on the couch.
Dusknoir silently picked up the book he'd been learning Braille with and entered into his room. Quietly shutting the door, so as to not wake Celebi.
Dusknoir stood in front of his door for several moments before quietly slumping against it. His hands were shaking harder than he ever thought possible.
It wasn't her.
It's not her anymore.
That's Darkrai. Not Twig.
You didn't hurt Twig again.
That's not what Twig looks like anymore.
Dusknoir slowly breathed in and out.
He couldn't see Darkrai's face clearly. Even while so close to him.
But even if he looked like a painting had been left out in the rain before it could dry...
He still knew that look. It showed itself clearly in his mind despite his impaired vision.
He regretted intimidating him immediately
And it wasnt because he looked like her.
It was that expression of terror.
He felt he deserved it.
He tortured him and so many others for so long.
But the way his body completely froze when he grabbed him.
The same way that Twig did...
...
Dusknoir remembered how scared and vulnerable he felt whenever he was around Dialga.
He can't help but feel like he's not too different from how he acted.
Dusknoir wanted to apologize. And he didn't want to.
Dusknoir mustered the courage to peek out his door.
Darkrai had already left.
Dusknoir hesitated before he slunk back into his room.
He closed his door, and laid down in his bed.
Dusknoir quickly fell asleep. His thoughts swirled in spirals, chasing each other as he contemplated both throwing Darkrai out into the street, and begging for forgiveness.
~~
Dusknoir awoke before anyone else in the home.
His stomach growled in hunger.
That reminded him of how he heard Darkrai open and shut the pantry last night. Not having eaten anything.
Dusknoir felt... Well, it wasn't pity. Nor was it any kind of compassion. He thinks. He just remembers how difficult it was to have a full stomach so many years ago.
Dusknoir sighed as he rose from his bed. If he was going to feed Celebi and Grovyle, he might as well feed him too.
~
It took much longer than Dusknoir would ever admit to manage to create a rudimentary stir fry. He had to sample several berries to ensure that he was still putting in Rawst berries instead of Yache (Why did they even buy those?). It was only after he garnished them that he'd realized that he'd forgotten to check if those were walnuts and not cashews. And he prayed that the vegetables he cooked were a darker color because of the heat and not because he burned them.
The fact that he couldn't read the recipe book made it worse. He'd practically eaten two small portions by the time he'd finished. Constantly tasting it to make sure it wasn't worse than Celebi's 'cooking'.
Blast this darn eye, if only Kip hadn't-
Dusknoir's fist tightened. He struck down the thought instantly.
It was his fault that his vision was screwed up the way it was.
Not Kip's.
Kip didn't do anything wrong to him.
Not back then, and not now.
...
Dusknoir sighed as he looked out the window.
It was long past dawn.
Dusknoir quietly opened Celebi's door. The room dark after having a wardrobe pushed to sit in front of the window.
"Celebi?" Dusknoir asked. He was afraid he'd squish her if he felt around to find her. It was impossible to see in here.
"Mmgh..." She sleepily growled.
Dusknoir told her that he had made breakfast, but that he needed help.
Celebi eventually obliged, after he promised to let her sleep the rest of the day.
Dusknoir approached Darkrai's door, his plate of food held in one hand.
Celebi looked pretty upset that he'd asked her to unlock the door.
"Why dont you just break the lock?" She asked.
Dusknoir glanced away from her.
"I... I dont believe Twig would appreciate having more of her home destroyed during our stay."
That was a partial reason.
He was still scared of Darkrai.
He feared that opening the door would lead to the Legend that he had carried to the hospital just a week prior.
And given what he said last night...
Celebi quietly unlocked the door with a small screwdriver that was kept atop the doorframe. Putting it in the hole on this side and mumbling grumpily as she fiddled with it.
The door opened and it was just Darkrai. Still in Twig's body...
He had the blanket from last night draped over his back. His neck lay on top of the second blanket. Facing the door.
Dusknoir felt a pang of guilt run through him.
He set the plate of food on the floor and left.
Dusknoir gave Celebi her portion, and she sat down at the table to eat as Dusknoir prepared Grovyle's portion.
Even if he had to squint to think he knows what Celebi's expression was, the fact that she wasn't humming a tune or complimenting his cooking told him all he needed to know.
"Are you okay Celebi?" He asked, lowering himself to sit on the ground across from her.
Celebi's head turned away from her food. He thinks she's glaring at the ground.
"I'm fine." She growled.
Dusknoir steeled his expression.
"No you're not." He replied. He saw Celebi's head turn back towards him.
"Please, Celebi. I'm worried. Tell me how I can-"
Celebi interrupted him with an exasperated sigh.
"Look, I appreciate that you want to help. But I'm not in the mood for a lecture right now. So can you just leave me alone please?" Celebi voiced.
Dusknoir watched her as she ate the rest of her food.
Celebi rose from her seat after taking her last bite.
"Thanks for the food. It was delicious." She mumbled, her tone not indicating much one way or the other.
Celebi fluttered from her seat, back into her room and shut the door. Leaving Dusknoir alone.
Dusknoir sighed as he collected her dishes and put them in the sink.
He took Grovyle's plate and entered into the room he was staying in.
"Grovyle. I... I made breakfast."
Dusknoir sat down next to him, holding his plate.
"Thanks." He mumbled, as he started to sit up.
Dusknoir moved a hand and held it over his chest.
"I won't allow you to put yourself in more pain."
Grovyle laid back down, took a deep breath and sighed.
"Stop that. I know that hurts you."
Dusknoir took the fork on his plate and started feeding him.
It was almost comical. The hitman that hunted him for years feeding him like he's a toddler.
Dusknoir would have laughed if the circumstances were different.
Dusknoir eventually cleaned off Grovyle's plate.
"How was it?" He asked.
Grovyle swallowed the last bite.
"Good." He replied.
Dusknoir rose from his seating position.
"Is there anything else I can-"
"No." Grovyle interrupted.
Dusknoir looked at him with worry before sighing.
"Alright."
He left the room, gently shutting Grovyle's door.
Dusknoir returned to the kitchen and put the dishes away.
He propped his elbows on the counter and leaned forward. Holding his head in his hands.
He wanted to help.
He wanted to make up for what he's done to them.
He's trying so hard.
But how on earth do you help someone that doesn't want help?
Dusknoir sighed deeply as he put the final portions of breakfast into a container.
He needed to clear his head.
He needed to go for a walk, get some fresh air.
He might as well feed Kip and visit Twig.
Dusknoir silently left the home and started traveling to the Verdant Village hospital.
He glanced around occasionally.
His heart ached as he tried to see the beauty around him, but it was all blurred. His vision fell to the ground in front of him.
Tears stung in his eye as he forced his thoughts to not enter an awful mindset.
He is going to make things right.
He's going to tell Kip again, that what he forgives him for what he did.
He will tell him that as many times it takes to be believed.
And he'll tell him as many times as it takes for him to believe that as well.
"Aw shoot." Dusknoir heard someone mutter in front of him.
He looked up and his heart lept in his chest. Even while blurry he would recognize her.
"Twig?" He asked, his voice shaking.
The figure's head shot upwards, her piercing blue eyes, prominent enough to be clear compared to everything else.
"D-Dusknoir?" She asked, her voice shaking as well.
#oopsie daisy!#it appears that Dusknoir has forgotten the teeny tiny detail that Twig didnt actually know that he's back!#perhaps rushing her barely alive body to the hospital would have anyone forget such a small totally insignificant detail!#oh BOY i look forward to exploring that soon enough.#text post#pmd eos#the present is a gift au#fanfic of a fanfic#pmd#writing#fanfic#body swap au#pmd2#Im so proud of that line where he says he cant see the beauty around him because it's all blurred.#Because it isn't /just/ referring to his damaged eyesight!#going feral over the fact that /I/ wrote that.
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home alone: espada edition
soot sprites
some doodles i sent on discord to my teams while the @grimmichibigbang was goin' on back in 2021 :))) inspired by the two stories i contributed art for!
#grimmichi#bleach#bleach fanart#grimmichi fanart#fic recs#soz i havent posted in forever cuz my eyes have been causing me problems all month 💀#ive been meaning to post these tho so like. might as well.#today i woke up inexplicably in pain on my right side so i dont think i'll be getting any drawing done today either 🤦🏻♀️#it hurts to lie down hhhhhhh#grimmichibigbang2021#grimmichibigbang#also rip it looks like all the art links are down for both the stories 💀💀#ah well#sketch dump#grimmjow#grimmjow jaegerjaquez#ichigo kurosaki#update if u read tags: if u wake up and cant explain why youre in pain and it hurts a lot then u shd prob go to the hospital and ask#'hurts a lot' as in 4+ on the pain scale#take it from me lmao ya girl was suffering smth life-threating 😬#im better now tho and have been for a few months! but ye just. take care of yourselves.
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the progression of events in this arc is so so good and great and i love how you can just clearly see where and how each characters thoughts begin and progress throughout each chapter as it goes on. while steven was probably set in stone about his view on how to handle the situation i earnestly believe zed and zapp set out to disobey steven's request. and then they make it very easy to understand leo's point of view and why hes doing what he is - its why they show us that flashback and don't tell anyone else, and why he speaks very little after zapp threatens him - and then immediately cuts to klaus, who knows absolutely nothing about the situation currently but he can figure it out just by looking at whats in front of him. and because klaus is so unflinching when it comes to upholding what he believes is morally right he does so without anyone needing to tell him whats going on. he sees this percieved 'monster' protecting someone else and immediately goes to protect it, too. and even though a lot of them disagreed with each other at the beginning there is still the scene afterwards where they all come together to try and catch each other when they begin falling. i think nightow should pay me for what its done to my mental health
#.text#kekkai sensen#sorry this arc made me normal.#i love that panel with zed even if i cant stop laughing. hes a skater boy. SOOO funny#ddo you get it#not about skater boy zed about the other more dire thing happening in this post. FORGET about skater boy zed#im being miserable again. oh my god. kekkai sensen#i know nightow just loves to leave things as is like after it ends it ends but i wished i couldve seen the aftermath#like. what steven was thinking. what zapp and zed were thinking. klaus also he was like in prison for most of that#SOOO funny that he like. gets arrested at random unfairly. everything is pretty much fine. and then when he gets out#the city is on fire two of his coworkers are in the hospital chain is nowhere to be seen the prison has exploded#there are vampires on the loose femt is there for some reason and there is a 10 million dollar bounty on leo's head#klaus leaves for FIVE MINUTES and THIS happens#dude doesnt even like stop to think about it he immediately turns around and go. hummer. throw me as far as you can.#and then they did.#amazing. this is the best manga ever.#wow ive gotten off topic sorry. anyway#i added that giant paragraph of text after all of these tags sorry guys i know im annoying and saying things that were probably#said 5 years ago but um. im late to the party. and i dont know how to shut up. so you have to deal with it#also i included the panel with neji and riel because i think it says so much. that theyre the ones saying this.#neji doesnt even remember leo almost getting his head bashed in just in the off chance that it could save his life and still he Knows#like they know more than anyone probably how leo sacrifices everything he has for the people around him#and i like that nightow included them in something so important and so defining of his character.#they appear once. twice. so little. but theyre integral to how hes percieved by others and by us.#anyway. kkss is good.#this post happened because i'm trying to draw and needed references but my kkss folder is 900+ images#and i got distracted by these pages in there#because i couldnt resist rereading them#if i could add more than 10 images id also add the like 3 pages of them falling and trying to catch each other at the end#but. alas. woah i ran out of tags bye everyone. thanks or sorry if you read all of this
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everyday i constantly think of masato's wheelchair and if that's his only one/main one no wonder he's so pissed at everyone
#snap chats#someone pointed this out to me like last year so im stealing it sorry cause I Think Of It Constantly#the handling of masato's disability will forever annoy me esp with how vague it is but esp his chair#one day ill draw masato with an appropriate wheelchair. maybe then he'll be happy for once#in a way i guess it could tie into how restricted or trapped he felt since the type of chair he's shown is more like. a hospital one#and not one youd really use as a regular user- like in that vein it is a bit of storytelling in that he can ONLY go out with help#since hospital chairs are SO much different from home chairs ESPECIALLY in regards to mobility and independence the user has#AND NOT TO MENTION HOW UNCOMFORTABLE THOSE CHAIRS ARE get his ass a proper cushion P L E A S E#like it portrays the idea that its unfathomable for him to go anywhere on his own and so in that vein . Interesting Storytelling#theres a lot of implications going on here if im so honest and again it makes for Really Interesting Story Telling#however i refuse to give rgg credit like that when it comes to disabilities. ... they havent earned that from me yet#see this is why the vagueness of his condition annoys me because he's shown to be independent enough to roll himself to his elevator#and presumably get himself dressed but he cant have a proper chair ?#because ik there are people who have expressed they have conditions where even writing is tiring#so if his condition was in-line with that and it was hard for him to push himself in his chair then i could buy it#obviously the issue lies with his lungs but i just want to know the full extent yk...#to wrap this up tho ive been thinking of character design in rgg and how we dont give credit to it enough#sooooo if i make a second post ten minutes from now thats why cause i keep forgetting to spam my thoughts on here LMAO#ok bye
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eating my popcorn watching all this drama go down irt the larian discord server
#like i never joined but the whole discord community relationship thing fascinates me from a psych perspective#like in a miller exp or stanford prison exp way#i am aware of the irony of this coming from a blog on tumblr where i act stupid on purpose#but i do think the entire larian discord has been incredibly unprofessional both from larian's employees and the moderators/support team#but. this isn't a hospital where i. like. care. this is my silly blog where i post dumb shit and wow are you guys seeing this?#like im am just trying to imagine. like if my hospital had an 'official discord' where staff interacted w the public like that#i cant. actually. because i've fired people for taking pics in clinic. this shit is wild#like no one seems to really know whats going on and some ppl are claiming larian hate modders/1 or 2 modders specifically#while others are like. no they dont; it just sucks having to reverse engineer the script extender etc#and then there's the google doc thing of like thousands of screenshots of the discord mod chat which i WISH i had the time to study#it makes me realize how little i know about the whole online moderater lifestyle thing that happens on discord and reddit etc#anyway im curious and nosey always so this is interesting to me#and the drama of it all takes my mind of other horrible things for a bit
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Not to be lietkin on main but like, storytime kids!
My dad recently told me he'd pay for my haircut if I schedule an appt as a gift because I'm about to travel internationally, my hair goes down to my ass and I havent gotten a formal haircut in 3 years
So I was like oh no no! I'm good! I just bend over a trashcan and cut off the dead bits with my hair cutting scissors like so (demonstrates) no need to spend money on smth I do for free!
My dad (looking at my mom): please talk to her..
#i cant decide if feliks or eduard is the dad#and if feliks or eduard is the mom#my boss also told me to go to the hospital once#and i told him i was raised by farm folk we dont do that#and he said 'yeah yeah i know - u were raised by wolves'
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#for the first time im genuinely considering changing my major#n by considering i mean 'rlly want to but know deep down i cant'#cause like... i have NO IDEA what else i would do#like not a damn clue#so its either my current career path (which i have reason to believe im genuinely not cut out for) or... idk nothing???#well i'd hafta do something#but idk what#its jus that after a LOT of thought ive come to the conclusion that me being a nurse will do so much more harm than good for other ppl#i made the most careless mistake last week that cost me a rlly valuable clinical experience at a SUPER reputable hospital#im the only one in my class who made that mistake#the only one stupid enough#like... gosh what am i DOING here?#im literally the least qualified person to be a nurse#im cold#im standoffish#i HATE being around people#when i told my friends n family i was going to nursing school they were shocked n WHY SHOULDNT THEY HAVE BEEN?#when you think of a nurse you think a someone whos kind. whos reliable. whos hardworking... im not any a those things#n its not even me being self depracating its an honest to gosh fact#oh also my grades fuckin suck lmao#like i literally know for a fact i got lower grades than every single other nursing major last semester#plus i was never going into nursing to help ppl#i went into it so i could sleep at night knowing ive done a 'good thing'#so yeah#ive put myself on a career path im not in any way cut out for#n i cant quit cause i have literally no plan b!!!#yay#idk what i was made for but its not this
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#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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