#and i get the tone of the movie was lighter but jesus fucking christ

[spottedside]

laying in bed thinking

[eddiessweetheart86]

Waiting for a Girl Like You

Summary: You (AFAB/She/Her pronouns) meet Eddie Munson at a college party and hit it off

Warnings: Unprotected P in V sex (PLEASE BE SAFE!!), language, physical fighting (brief), drugs (weed), smoking (weed and cigarettes) Let me know if I missed anything:)

Just a short story that came to me while I was at work lol

I hope you enjoy! I will be working on a part 2!

~

You are at a college party during Thanksgiving break 1985. It is quite lackluster, just people drinking and being idiots, but that’s parties for you. Somehow many high school students infiltrated, so you were being stalked by horny teenage boys that you had no interest in considering you’re 20 years old and have standards.

You told Steve that you need to go get some air and wave a cigarette in his face, you give him a smile with your tongue out and made your way through the rowdy crowd of people.

Outside in the backyard there were only about ten people, some sitting and talking on the grass and others making out on picnic blankets or lettermen jackets.

You light your cigarette and walk to the side of the frat house so your view isn’t a live porno movie and see someone lying on their back on the ground. You rush to them, landing roughly on your knees.

You put out the cigarette on the bottom of your boot and let your arms hover over the unconscious boy’s shoulders, debating if you should shake him.

His hair was curly and long, loose bangs on his forehead. His skin was pale, very pale and his mouth was slightly open.

He overdosed, oh shit! Goddamn jiminy fuckface! you thought. You put two fingers to his neck to check for a pulse.

Then he opens his eyes and screams in terror directly in your face, causing you to shriek and fall back onto your butt, catching yourself with your elbows.

“What the fuck!” you yell “I thought you were dead!”

“No!” He says as if he answered a stupid question

“You looked pale! Like— like some dying Victorian child!”

“I’m just white!”

“Jesus Christ! You bag of— bitch!” you say and grab another cigarette from your skirt pocket.

The boy laughs at your distressed demeanor.

“So funny, right! I love scaring innocent women too!” You say sarcastically

“This is just really good shit” He says reaching for a cigarette case next to his torso.

“Looks like it” You say annoyed. You’re still trying to compose yourself, shaking so bad that you can’t light your cigarette.

The boy grabs your lighter and lights it for you, making tense eye contact as he does it. His eyes sparkle in the moonlight and the temporary flash from the lighter makes them look more seductive. You take a puff and exhale out of the side of your mouth, away from his face.

“Shit, where are my manners?” He says extending his hand “I’m Eddie. Munson. If you already know me… no you don’t”

You laugh at his comment and also because he wants to shake hands. Who does that anymore?

You take his hand and shake “Okay Mr. President” you joke “I’m Y/N”

“Oh please, Mister President is my father” he says and waves his hand like a debutante

You both laugh, not breaking eye contact. You bite the inside of your cheek and then finally say “Can I have some?”, motioning to his cigarette case.

You both lie on the grass, he puts his red flannel under your head so your hair does not get grass or leaves in it. You pass the freshly lit joint, talking about topics ranging from music to movies to astrophysics, which he knows a lot about. After only talking to this boy for 10 minutes you were already a goner. He’s so funny and smart and witty and absolutely gorgeous.

You talk about how annoying high school horn-dogs are and how one named Andy has been trying to get in your pants for months.

“Andy such an asshole. All of them are. Especially Jason, he’s not here, thank fuck”

“Jason? I don’t think I’ve ever met him. How do you know him?”

“We… go to school together”

You sit up quickly “What? You said you’re turning 20 next week?”

“Yeah” He says with an embarrassed tone

“So you’re a 20 year old senior? In high school?”

“Well when you say it like that it makes it sound like… the truth” He mumbles sadly

“No, I don’t mean it in a rude way… it’s just that… you’re really smart. Like, you just explained Hawking Radiation to me while high. To be honest, it sounded like you were speaking the same language that the adults in Charlie Brown speak… but it was hot” you blush

Eddie, still lying down on his back, blushes too, not that you can see, but you can tell, you can feel that he is.

“It’s interesting stuff. And I just can’t focus too well in school. Plus, the teachers hate me and treat me like shit, so why go?”

“Eddie… you can’t keep failing. You need to pass this year. You know what, let me tutor you! I was a straight A student”

Eddie chuckles “Sweetheart, I won’t be able to focus if you were my tit— tutor”

You playfully push his shoulder

Eddie sits up, leaning back on his palms “You’re really beautiful” he says dreamily

“So are you” You say looking nervously fiddling with the black fabric of your skirt

“Can I… kiss you?” He asks

“It’s ‘may I’ Mr. Munson” you joke and lean into him.

He puts one hand on the back on your head and the other lightly on your waist. You have one hand on his thigh and the other on his chest. You slowly lean him back and throw your leg around him so you’re straddling him. The whole time you do not break away from each other. He hold your waist and grinds you into his clothed erection, which you can feel through your panties.

You pull away from him and slip your panties off. Then you unbuckle his belt, pull down his pants a little and reveal his huge, curved dick.

You go back up to his face and kiss his neck, making your way up to his lips. As you do this you’re stroking his cock, gently touching it to your entrance.

Since the second you lied down next to him you’ve been soaking wet, this is what you’ve been waiting for.

Eddie slides in, slowly, inch by inch, and there are a lot inches. You both moan into each other’s mouths the deeper he goes.

When he is seated all the way inside you, you sit up and lean back, arching your back and putting your hands on his thighs. You begin to roll your hips on his, letting out a soft moan with each thrust. You’ve never felt so much emotion during sex, you wanted to see him come inside you. You wanted to make him feel good and if you didn’t climax you would honestly not care.

Eddie’s hands are up your shirt, squeezing your tits.

Eddie is so close to finishing but he doesn’t want you to think he’s just another amateur high school boy.

“Fuck… Eddie, I’m close” You moan as you bounce on his cock

Now that you said that there is no going back for Eddie Munson

“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck, Y/N I’m—“

“Yes! Cum in me! Yes!” You squeal

Eddie groans, finishing inside you. You follow with a few deep thrusts, your orgasm erupts from your pelvis then your thighs and throughout your whole body. When you finally finish you stop moving and fall onto his chest, both catching your breath.

“I’m sorry… that was… so quick” he says

“No! It was incredible! Fuck it was incredible!” You say with a big grin

Eddie smiles and gives you a quick kiss on your lips. You roll off of him and onto the grass, he tucks himself back into his underwear and pants as you put your panties back on

“Are you… do you wanna clean up?” He asks

“No” you smirk “I wanna walk around with your cum inside me for the rest of the night” you plant a huge kiss on his lips

“Fuck, sweetheart” he says slapping his hand to his heart

You go back to the party and Steve is making out with some girl so you continue the rest of the night talking to Eddie.

“Hey, he bothering you?” Andy asks you, pointing at Eddie. You can see Chance and the rest of the goons laughing and watching from the kitchen

You rolls your eyes and open your mouth to tell him to leave you alone but Eddie beats you to it

“Fuck off, Andy” Eddie says

“Woah! I wasn’t talking to you freak” he spits

“Andy! Can you leave me the fuck alone! I’m not gonna sleep with you!” You yell

He stares at you, eyes angry, and then turns to Eddie “Hey man, sorry. She may look like a whore but those legs are closed tighter than—“

Before you can even react Andy is on the floor and Eddie grabs your hand and runs off.

You run out the door out, passing Steve on the way out, and run down the street to his van. He opens the drivers door and ushers you in. You crawl into the passenger seat and he starts the car. He’s fast at making a getaway.

Andy and Chance are just standing on the porch, not even running towards the van.

You and Eddie flip your middle fingers up and smile, then he swiftly drives away, both of you laughing like maniacs after a heist.

~

The next morning you wake up to your phone ringing. Eddie is next to you in your bed.

You reach over Eddie and say a groggily “Hello?”

“Hey did you get home safely?” Steve asks on the other end

“Obviously”

“Okay, fuck my kindness then”

You laugh “I’m fine, Steve. You?”

“I’m good. So… is the long-haired delinquent in the room with us right now?”

“Bye Steve” You say and hang up as he laughs at himself

Eddie groans when you lean back over him to put the phone back

“Hey Eddie” you whisper and shake him awake

“Yeah” Eddie croaks

“You have to go home. My mom would freak if she sees I brought a guy home”

Eddie rushes to put his clothes on and then goes out the window

“When can I see you again?” He asks

“I’ll see. Here” You grab a pen and write your phone number on his hand “This is my dorm room phone. I’ll be there tonight”

“Maybe we can meet up?” Eddie suggests

“We’ll see. They’re kinda strict about non-students being in the buildings” you kiss him on the lips and pull away to look into his deep brown eyes “See you later, Mr. Munson”

“See ya later” He says and runs off to his van

He gets into his van and speeds away. On the way home he can feel his heart in his throat as he thinks of you, and he can’t help but smile. “Waiting for a Girl Like You” by Foreigner comes on the radio, but instead of switching it off, as he usually does, Eddie blasts it and screams along to the few lyrics he knows.

Eddie Munson is hopelessly in love. And the best part is that he’s not scared.

~

You go into the bathroom and draw yourself a bath, even though you already took a shower last night after coming home, you just want to relax and think about Eddie and your possible future as boyfriend and girlfriend.

The next day Eddie swings open the doors to the drama club room, where they hold their DnD campaigns. He’s smiling like an idiot as Mike, Dustin, Gareth and Jeff stare at him.

“Mike and gentlemen!” He says putting on foot on his throne like a nobleman about to get his portrait drawn “I… did it!”

The room is silent

“Liar!” Gareth yells

“Throw tomatoes at him!” Mike yells

Jeff pulls a whole tomato out of his lunchbox, but Mike, very confused, stops him from throwing it.

“I’m not lying, dickwads. You’re looking at a man now. I have officially lost my virginity and I feel… relaxed”

Jeff tilts his head and squints, practically having a staring contest with Eddie.

“He’s telling the truth” Jeff says assuringly

The whole room erupts in cheers and Gareth puts his arm around Eddie and shakes him around

“Who is she?” Dustin asks

“You wouldn’t know her. She’s in college” He says with a smug tone, he leans forward and whispers “And she’s… filthy”

The boys laugh

Eddie leans over the Gareth and whispers to him about you walking around with his cum in your panties, causing Gareth’s eyes to nearly bulge out of his head and his jaw to go slack.

“What?” Jeff yells. Eddie turns to Jeff and whispers the same thing, getting the same reaction.

“Hey tell us!” Dustin says motioning between him and Mike

“No way! It’s too dirty for your child brains”

“We’re 14” Mike says

“Exactly” Eddie retorts

“Oh come on! I wanna know!” Dustin says

“No, it’s so bad!” Jeff says laughing and poking Gareth

“Yeah, if I had a wife and she did that…” Gareth says letting out a quick exhale to emphasize his over-exaggerated shock “She can put a leash on me too if she wants”

Jeff, Eddie and Gareth burst into laughter

“Tell us!” Mike begs

“Okay, okay! Let’s just say I finished the race but she kept the prize… in her panties… all night”

“Oh my god!” Dustin and Mike both say in unison and in disgust

Dustin rubs his eyes, as if it’ll reset his brain.

“Dude! That’s disgusting!” Mike says

“Disgusting? Or amazing?” Jeff asks

“Disgusting!” Dustin yells “He said disgusting!”

~

Meanwhile, you’re sitting on the couch, suitcase in hand, rolling it back and forth mindlessly because your mom is demanding that you wait for your brother to get home so you could say your goodbyes.

The front door opens quickly and in walks your kid brother.

“Dusty! Your sister is about to leave, give her a hug!” Your mom says

“Mom she lives like 10 minutes away” Dustin groans

“10 minutes too far!” She says hugging you tightly and squeezing your cheeks like your a baby

She pulls away and you pull your suitcase with you towards Dustin

“Bye, stupid” you say

“Y/N!” your mom says as she makes her way to grab the camera

“Sorry. Bye Dustin” you pat his shoulder and walk past him

“Bye, Y/N. Make good choices.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask softly

“I heard a boy in your room last night, Mary Magdalene” Dustin responds slyly

“No you didn’t” you say through gritted teeth

“Smile!” Your mom says running back in

You and Dustin put on half-ass smiles and your mom snaps the photo

“Mom, the cat!” You say pointing to Tews who is lying adorably on his back. She squeals when she sees him. You flip Dustin off and he does the same while your mom is turned around taking a picture of the cat

“Mom! Dustin flipped me off!” You yell, quickly putting your finger down

“Dustin!” She whips back around

“Bye mom!” You yell and walk out the door

“Bye sweetie!” She waves “Dustin don’t ever—“

The last thing you hear before closing the door is Dustin fighting for his life.

[homunculusalphonse]

okay i rewatched brother bear 2, gonna go through the negatives first then the positives:

negatives

surely their budget is not a theatrical animated feature, so their soundtracks and the main character's VA suffer. phil collins and joaquin phoenix aren't here for this sequel - which are huge things that make brother bear... brother bear

the soundtrack is such a disappointment. i mean even the instrumental OST is bad. the original movie has such a stellar OST that i remember it to this day. bb2's is so forgettable

denahi is not at all mentioned in the sequel. his VA died so i get why he didn't come back, but he could've gotten at least a mention. like maybe kenai and koda just visited him before the events of the movie

i don't think even sitka is mentioned? no one from kenai's home appears again

how does nita hear about kenai becoming a bear? there's not much indication of their villages having contact. they don't show like tanana visiting or the contrary. nita doesn't mention denahi or sitka or everyone else. and kenai doesn't talk about it either

it's kinda clear they planned nita after making brother bear just to force a sequel, because nita and kenai seem to have been pretty close but it doesn't meet up with what the first movie showed. like i said denahi and sitka are not even mentioned or shown in cameos

this movie promotes a lot of... straight romance. it's all about spring. and it's weird the way romance is treated like this big thing here - when the original brother bear was about the love of brothers. i mean, it's there in the title? there's no romance in the original. they suddenly make heteronormative romance a huge thing in this sequel - even the moose dudes have love interests identical to them

"you can't avoid love" uhhhh kenai's totem was all about LOVE? they probably mean romantic love but they don't make it clear

the "cliche disney tone" is kinda worse here. brother bear despite everything was a very complex movie all the way through. the lighter parts are still deep and enjoyable. brother bear 2 though doesn't have many deep topics aside from a few things that will be listed in the positives

positives

nita is an active character in the story. she's not just the love interest, she's a person with clear motivations and trauma

i love how they portray her trauma of drowning. they show the memory and the weight of nita's fear of water. she does reckless things to avoid it. she shows very clear symptoms of trauma.

and she's not shamed for it. kenai listens to her and offers to help her, they'll cross it together. and when nita goes underwater, she sees that it's not as bad and dark and daunting as the first time

the questions raised are interesting. has kenai thought back on his choice? i don't think it's unrealistic at all if he ever missed being human. that's something i can see happening. we know he'd never go back on it... but what if?

koda also has a right to feel upset. i mean imagine losing your mother and suddenly your brother ignores you to be with a girl he hasn't seen in years. imagine hearing that your brother has considered leaving you behind. koda is just a kid and i like that he doesn't change too much from the previous movie

love the scene of koda running away. idk i love drama and brotherly angst. kenai didn't even scream for nita - it was koda the whole time. it's amazing (sorry nita)

once again some things at the beginning hit you later. kenai "i'm the digging master" and then he's digging the snow to get koda and nita. jesus fucking christ

oh the callback to the ice 😭 kenai lost sitka there. imagine if he lost koda in the same way. cruel cruel cruel

nita and kenai's relationship is believable. they've always liked each other. it wasn't forced. nita was clearly hesitant to burn the amulet - she did keep it this whole time, and she's not happy knowing she has to burn it so she can be accepted in her village. kenai also shows a lot of signs even as a kid

at least many of the other voice actors are here. koda's does an amazing job as always

nita's hair. just that. nita's hair is amazing

and hey at least we see nita being a human most of the movie

i think i'm done, will be adding other points in reblogs if i do have more things to say

[earthfire-75]

You Send Me Flying

Chapter Two:

Author’s notes: co-written with @nature-and-music, beta’d by @lady-jane-revisited. Based on The Dirt movie as I still don’t have the book ☹️ not smut…yet.

Vince came back after a few minutes and found us still in the kitchen. “Hey, guys, listen, she wants to go home-“

“What? No way! We still have to practice!” Nikki spoke up.

“Jesus H. Christ. If I wasn’t fed up with her shit before, I am now. That woman fucks with my nerves and doesn’t bother with a courtesy reach-around. She can take a cab, for fuck’s sake, or call her daddy.”

Nikki points over at me. “I like her, she can stay. Your girlfriend on the other hand…”

Vince sighs. “I’ll see what I can do.” He leaves to go talk to her again and we can hear her yelling through the door. It takes longer, but Vince does eventually come back in. “Ok guys, she’s gone.”

Everyone gave a sigh of relief at that announcement. For the remainder of the day, the boys continued with playing more songs until the sun began to set. We were all feeling a little peckish and so we decided to call in a phone order for Chinese food. After the food arrived, we sat round the coffee table to eat, Nikki passing out notebooks and pens to Tommy, Vince and Mick.

“Ok, so here’s my theory,” Nikki begins, “if we wanna knock people on their asses, then we gotta give ‘em a show. The Punks, they’re doing the minimalistics, so let’s take it in the exact opposite direction. I’m…I’m talking like stadium shows in the clubs, man. Like costumes and lights-“

“And pyro! With flames and explosions and shit!” Tommy interrupts, turning his can of hairspray and lighter into a makeshift torch.

“Exactly, exactly! Look, it’s a fuckin’ war out there, and the only way we win is by showing these kids something they’ve never seen before.”

“So what do we call this thing?” Vince asks.

“Here…” Nikki picks up his notebook and starts flipping through the pages. “It’s all about being larger than life!” He finally holds up his notebook for us to see a pentagram with X Mass under it.

“X Mass?” Vince asks.

“Yeah…”

“On a scale of one to ten…I give it a one point nine.” Mick intones, making the other three laugh.

I shook my head in feigned anguish, “That’s harsh. Accurate, but harsh!”

Mick just shrugs.

“It’s a play on Christmas! You know, you can use all the Christ imagery and shit! It’ll piss people off and make people think, you know?”

Tommy makes a face and I could tell Mick still wasn’t convinced.

“It’s got shock value…”

Vince shook his head.

“Yeah, I’m shocked by how much it blows.”

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. Mick has some wicked wit. Which, by the way, does nothing to cool down my attraction to him as we sat around the table.

Nikki tossed the notebook down, “Alright, assholes, you give it a shot. But make it big!”

Everyone picks up their notebooks and a pen or marker. Vince looks like he can’t come up with anything, and I find myself entranced by Mick’s look of concentration, but Tommy is quickly scribbling in his. When he’s done, he turns it around. I couldn’t believe what I saw. Tommy’s childish giggle was enough to confirm I wasn’t seeing things. Vince laughed and Nikki scoffed while Mick rolled his eyes.

“Still have the mind of a twelve year old, I see. As well as the body.”

“Ouch…and she says I’m the harsh one.”

“The Foreskins? Really? Tommy?”

“Yeah! Cause we’re gonna fuck the audience in the face every night, dude!”

“Yeah, but…but can you see that shit on the marquee above the Forum?!”

“Yeah, ok, you’re right. I’m out.”

Vince holds up his hands, indicating he’s not even gonna try. But Mick starts to write something down thoughtfully. The guys seem impressed when he turns the notebook in his hands. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this day.”

“Alright,” Nikki says, taking the notebook from Mick and adding to it, the dots over the O and changing crew to Crue with the dots over the U. Mick smiles with satisfaction. It’s the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen and damn if I wouldn’t fall head over heels if I stuck around. And yet…

“Hey, you were talking about costumes before. Does that include makeup?” I asked Nikki before I could stop myself.

“Yeah! Yeah! All that shit!” Nikki enthuses. “Why, you know someone who can do that?”

I just smile and point at myself.

“No shit?”

“Yeah,” Vince pipes up, “she’s getting her makeup artist license. She’s perfect for the job!”

I smile, “Well I do need a job, and based on what I’m hearing, I am getting a few ideas in mind as to how you could all dress. I mean, if you’re interested in what i have to say.” I grabbed the notebook and pen to create a quick sketch of possible outfits or makeup. The guys were interested, some even suggesting to add their own ideas as to what they could wear too. Talks of leather, tight pants, belts, and a bit of heavy make up were tossed around, “Nikki you said that you guys want to go all out? This is how you do it.”

Mick rested his chin on his palm as he looked over the drawings, “That’s pretty wicked actually.”

I felt my cheeks becoming warm after hearing his compliment, and who else but Tommy proceeded to tease me with a schoolboy-ish tone, “Oooooh!”

“Fuck off Tommy!” I shouted, hitting him with the notebook, although that hardly affected his immature outburst when he made a puckered up kissing face. “You’re such an asshole!” I stood up and headed towards the balcony to cool off. Once I was out there, I took out my lighter and pack of cigarettes. The stupid thing wouldn’t light up, it had to be low on butane. I chucked the lousy device into the street and rested my elbows onto the steel bars, letting out a frustrated huff.

The night was warm, typical of most any night in the City of Angels. The street lights were already glowing bright, except for one near the end of the street that’s blinking. The light’s trying its very best to burn bright this evening. The sound of approaching footsteps are of no concern to me, instead I kept my eyes on the concrete ground below me. A clicking noise caused me to turn around, there’s Mick with a lighter in hand, the flame burning bright. He brought it close to my cigarette and, after inhaling the harsh, familiar taste of tobacco in my mouth, I thanked him.

“You alright?” Mick wondered, standing by my side.

I simply shrugged my shoulders, “It’s whatever, Tommy’s always been like that for as long as I’ve known him. I don’t really care anymore.”

“You sure about that?” he asked nonchalantly.

I scowled at him and spat back, “Why do you care?” I took another drag and puffed out a cloud of smoke to him.

He raised an eyebrow and then headed back inside. A part of me was kicking myself for responding back at him like that, yet I was reminding myself that I had more important matters to focus on. Quite frankly, he shouldn’t have been one of them.

@nature-and-music @lady-jane-revisited @mickmarstookmyheart @gothicfuneralsblog @sophiazeppelinchick

[kiara-carrera]

permanent ink

note: this is set the day after this drabble i did, but also set in that quick little sad montage in s2e1 when jj gives himself a stick and poke. this is probably gonna be reworked once i actually get to season 2 just for any context issues i run into later on, but the bulk of this is canon for them, my tiny lil babies. none of this is really season 2 spoilers tbfh, but also just know this is set in s2e1. also v unedited.

pairing: leah thompson x jj maybank

cruel summer, season two

When Leah woke up, it was to the sounds of chickens clucking somewhere in the distance and to the dull throbbing of her side against an uncomfortable surface. Even before she could adjust to being awake, even before her eyes could flutter open to assess her surroundings, there was no doubt in her mind that she was at the Chateau, on John’s uncomfortable ass pullout couch.

And then there was that pang in her chest at the thought of even just his name. None of this was right. None of it made sense. It seemed as if everyone around her had just accepted the fact that the Phantom had gone down and wrecked, that John B and Sarah had been lost to the sea. That they weren’t just gone for a bit of time, but forever. 

And yet something in her just wouldn’t let the information click, wouldn’t let the all too apparent truth win the battle with the denial warring through her mind. Grief was something that Leah was slowly realizing she wasn’t capable of stomaching, her brain reverting back to the denial stage like a broken record.

It didn’t make sense. The truth was too much to handle, too much to rationalize. To Leah, it didn’t make sense that the same fate that had befell the father had occurred again for the son, like some sick and twisted tragedy. These were the things that existed only the the thoughts that she shoved down and down, deep where she hoped they would never resurface.

They always did.

She let a groan escape her, an annoyed and frustrated little noise, as she rolled onto her back, eyes still squeezed shut as she considered praying to a god she didn’t believe in to let sleep take her. If not for refuge from all thoughts of John Booker Routledge for another moment, but to get away from the sounds of those fucking chickens.

“Sleeping Beauty finally awakes,” someone said from beside her, a snarky yet somewhat joking tone laced into the words.

Her eyes snapped open as she flailed a bit against the couch, heart jolting in her chest. She managed to sit up a bit before her eyes landed on the source of the voice. A somewhat amused JJ was sitting across the room, legs crossed and his foot in his lap, a pencil dangling precariously from his fingers. 

Memories of the night before slowly came crawling through her mind, sitting on the dock, silent tears streaming down her face under JJ’s arm. They’d sat there until at least two am, mostly in silence while passing a beer between them. She wasn’t sure what had happened after they came back in the house, laying back on John B’s couch the last thing she could remember before she must have fell asleep.

“Jesus Christ, JJ,” Leah breathed out, hand running over her face, her heart galloping in her chest. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

JJ snorted. “Geez, good morning to you too, sunshine.”

“Fuck off,” she groaned, letting herself flop back onto the couch. She could hear him laughing as she pulled the pillow out from under her head to shove it over her face — it was way too fucking early to be dealing with this.

Look, she wasn’t saying that being around her best friend was awkward, because it wasn’t. At least, she was doing her best to make sure it wasn’t. But there was always that little nudge at the back of her mind, always trying to get her to work through whatever the fuck she was feeling, because it sure as hell wasn’t normal friendship shit.

She spent an inordinate amount of time trying to convince herself that nothing had changed, another round of denial in her life, but really, what was she going to do? Have feelings for JJ? Her best friend? And do what with that, exactly? Dig herself into a friendship ruining hole? Tell him? Hope he’d, in some fucking weird twist of fate, feel the same? The same JJ who’d never had an actual relationship and flirted with basically anyone, including her, even though with her it was always jokey?

Yeah, fuck that.

But that didn’t make this any less awkward in her mind. Last night had been a bit easier, despite the influx of grieving, but she’d been able to ignore that and just be with JJ without wanting to completely bury herself in a hole and never come out.

And there was also the fact that she told him she’d go to Yucátan with him, that she’d pretty much go anywhere with him, regardless of anything. Yeah, that wasn’t something they were skirting around lately. Well, she figured they’d be if she had completely just left that conversation in the back of her mind. 

And it was clear he’d more than likely taken it as a friendly yeah, I’m totally down for just fucking leaving my entire life to go somewhere with you thing considering he hadn’t brought it up once. Which was kind of shocking because while some people tended to write him off as an idiot, he was oddly perceptive when he needed to be. And yet somehow he hadn’t noticed her speech leaned more on the side of weird, cringey, cliche teen rom-com movie bullshit rather than friendship.

God, she hated her brain.

Leah let out another groan, deciding to take initiative to not be a complete fucking weirdo around JJ because fuck, they all needed to stick together now more than ever, and so she promptly chucked the pillow off of her.

Normal, she could do that. And then she truly focused on him as she turned onto her side again, picking up on how he’d fallen silent. The pencil was now held tightly between his fingers, a crease between his eyebrows that was born of pure concentration as he poked at the skin of his lower calf with the needle he’d fastened to the writing utensil.

Oh, great, he’d set up an impromptu tattoo parlor while she was sleeping, that wasn’t concerning at all. And — was he wearing fucking overalls?

Christ, of course he looked good in overalls. Just fucking spectacular. 

“Stare any harder and I’m gonna start charging you by the minute, Lee Lee.”

Leah’s eyes snapped up to meet his once again amused expression, not having noticed how her gaze had seemingly just zoned out at the sight of him. She could feel heat coursing up the back of her neck at the embarrassment at being caught, not even caring at the use of that god awful nickname 

“Nice overalls,” she told him, sarcasm all over her tone. Inside, she was cringing. Nice job, Leah, draw attention to another thing you don’t want to think about, fucking brilliant job, she thought to herself, but her mouth was already going again before she could just, y’know, shut the fuck up. “Is there a barn raising I don’t know about?”

JJ narrowed his eyes at her, playfully brandishing his pencil at her. “For all you know these overalls could have gotten me the best handy of my life once.”

She couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her, rolling her eyes at his cocky grin. “Please, no one gets laid wearing overalls. And what the fuck are you even doing right now?”

“Stick and poke,” JJ said matter-of-factly, raising his eyebrows before promptly sticking himself again as if to prove his point. He barely so much as hissed at the stab of needle, tugging his teeth between his lips for a moment as he focused back in on his work. “Kie showed me how to do it.”

“Please tell me you at least sterilized the needle.”

Not even looking up from his leg, he gestured the pencil in the direction of the table beside him. “What do you think the lighter is for?”

Sure enough, his light was discarded beside him. That didn’t do much to make her feel better, though, and she raised an eyebrow at him. “Considering it’s you? Anything from smoking a J to arson, probably.”

“Haha, real funny, Lee,” he deadpanned, rolling his eyes as he continued to stab at his skin. JJ was silent for a moment before asking, “Want one when I’m done?”

If you had told her she’d be waking up to her best friend wearing overalls and offering to give her a tattoo in John B’s living room, she probably would have just stayed asleep. She wasn’t really sure how to tell him she didn’t exactly trust him to stab her multiple times with a questionable looking needle ... and dear God, she didn’t even want to consider what he was possibly using as ink. So she opted to go for the slightly less scathing remark.

Leah sat up a bit, supporting herself on her elbows. “Do you have another needle?”

“Uh...” JJ paused, glancing around the table. “That’s a negative.”

“Then at the risk of getting an infection, I’m gonna pass.”

“I could just do the lighter thing again,” he offered.

Leah sighed, running a hand through her hair as she sat up fully, legs swinging to hang off the edge of the couch. “J, I’m gonna be honest, I don’t even know if I trust that you sterilized it right the first time.”

“Ye of little faith,” JJ cried out in offense, once again brandishing his pencil at her. He jokingly narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re wounding me here, Lee. Total lack of respect.”

“I’m sure your big ass ego will get over it,” Leah retorted, shaking her head at him with a laugh.

They lapsed into silence again, JJ continuing to prick his calf with a steady hand and an oddly intense air of concentration. Leah reverted back to just watching him quietly, resting her elbows on her knees and dropping her head into her waiting hands. This was probably the most still she’d ever seen him as long as she’d known him, bar when he was passed out asleep.

Compared to last night, the JJ she was seeing now was doing a pretty bang up job at holding it together. Or, at least, pretending that he was. They hadn’t said a whole ton last night, but Leah knew as well as she knew the sky was blue that JJ wasn’t doing okay. 

The open (and most likely empty) can of beer on the table beside him only solidified that thought.

She wanted to comment that giving yourself a tattoo after drinking was very much not recommended, a know-it-all tone ready to join the factoid on her tongue, but she wasn’t sure how many buttons she’d be able to push before it’d turn into an actual argument.

And fuck, if there was one person she didn’t want to be on the outs with any time soon, it was him.

So instead, she kept her mouth shut, letting her eyes trail across his furrowed brow and the tongue poking out from between his lips in thought. From where she sat, she couldn’t see what he was etching into his skin and while she wasn’t really supporting the impromptu DIY tat, the suspense was starting gnaw at her insides.

Before she even realized what she was doing, she was up and crossing the room. JJ didn’t even bother looking up as she approached him, his attention only being hooked when Leah pushed a few of the things on the table aside before boosting herself up to sit on it.

He looked between her and the table a few times, before a laugh escaped him. “Sure, just make yourself at home, why don’t ya? You’re lucky I’m done,” he told her, setting his pencil on a bit of the table not occupied by her.

She shrugged, taking the opportunity to look down at his skin. Turning her head to the side so that she was actually viewing the tattoo the right way, she couldn’t help but feel a tug in her chest once it clicked for her.

P4L was scribbled into the skin in JJ’s all too familiar handwriting, thin and somewhat crooked lines formed into a tiny brand of Pogue status. More than that, it was a sign of friendship, of family. In a world of haves and have nots, they had each other. 

A soft smile pulled at her lips, corners turning upward as she looked at it with an equally soft gaze. “It looks good.”

JJ flashed a weak smile. He cleared his throat and the words he spoke were joking, a clear shift for the conversation to go somewhere less somber, less intense. “You jealous you’re not a true Pogue, Lee?”

Leah’s brow knitted together in confusion. “Excuse me?”

“No tattoo, fake Pogue.”

“I don’t remember that in the Pogue friendship rulebook.”

“Just added it,” JJ shot back, a smug little look in his eyes.

She couldn’t help but snort. “Great, I’ll be sure to tell Pope about the new mandate so he can promptly shit his pants at the thought of getting a tattoo with a needle duct taped to a pencil.”

“Nah, Pope’s got guts,” JJ countered but all it took was one raised eyebrow from Leah for his statement to fold like a cheap suit. “Okay, yeah, he’d freak.”

“Ya think?” Leah asked with a laugh, her eyes bright with amusement. She took another glance at his new tattoo. “It really does look good, though. If I actually trusted you to permanently alter my body with a needle, I might’ve reconsidered.”

She expected JJ to scoff and go on another rant of how she was insulting his honor or something, but all she was met with was JJ staring intently at her, lost in thought as he mulled something over. That creeping feeling filled her chest as he looked her over and she had about nine thousand guesses for what could possibly be going through his head as she grew a bit nervous under his gaze.

None of those things were JJ going, “Got an idea,” while reaching around her for something on the table.

She watched on in quiet confusion as he retrieved a Sharpie from behind her, waving it around a bit like he’d just won a prize. There was a devilish grin on his lips as his eyes trailed over her before zeroing in on her arm. JJ didn’t bother with niceties as he pulled her arm from her lap, tugging it towards him and flipping it palm side up.

“What are you ... ?” Leah asked, trailing off as she let him all but manhandle her arm.

“Shh, genius at work,” he told her, pointing yet another writing utensil at her in a mock threat. He took her wrist in his hand, using the other one to push up the array of beaded and string bracelets crowding her arm. 

Pulling the Sharpie’s cap off with his teeth and spitting it out to the side, JJ’s brow furrowed in concentration as he put the marker to her skin, leaving black ink in his wake. Leah already knew what he’d be writing, but still she found herself watching intently as his chicken scratch scribbled across her skin, as if he’d suddenly depart from being sentimental and draw a dick on her arm or something.

He pulled back after a moment, gently rubbing his thumb just under his masterpiece, and he grinned at her, the first real smile she’d seen from him in days. It reached his eyes, the blue of them clear and bright and just ... happy. He looked happy, even if this exchange would only last for another few moments, and it made Leah’s heart do a funny little flip in her chest.

At the risk of making eye contact with her best friend for longer than necessary, the kind of extended look that would risk awkwardness and things Leah was far too sober to think about, she averted her gaze.

Written in what honestly looked like some of JJ’s best handwriting, P4L inked her skin, a small and semi permanent declaration of her Pogue status. A tiny laugh escaped her, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips as she looked it over.

“There, now we match,” JJ told her. 

She looked back up, eyes locking with his. Dimples showing, JJ was still giving her that smile, that goddamn smile that only ever worked to make hers grow wider. The same smile that had, as of late, made her feel slightly dizzy, like her once perfectly structured world had gone just a hair off-kilter and metamorphosed into something else. And it wasn’t helped by the fact that, though there was no reason for it, he was still holding onto her wrist, callused fingers hot against her skin.

Her heart did that funny little flip again, just once more with feeling. Leah out a breath, nodding just a bit. “Yeah, I guess we do.”

[naturallytom]

Holiday Cheer (Tom Holland x reader)

a/n: spot the christmas movie references (send me an ask if/when you find them😉)!! also i really really love this!! 

warnings: angst, tom’s a dick, mentions of sex, mentions of death, then a heck ton of fluff!! 

prompt: i hate the holidays more than anything in the world and you drive me nuts because you love the holidays more than anything in the world and this is why we aren’t friends (enemies to friends to lovers hello) + “You didn’t think I’d let you spend Christmas alone, did you?” + “It looks like the North Pole threw up.” + frat!boy tom/college au

please please leave feedback & reblog!!

gif not mine!

It was that time of year again. Christmas was approaching which meant lots of joy, love, and laughter for many people, including you. It was your favorite time of the year- the snow falling and littering the ground creating the perfect scenery for shopping for friends and family. 

Your all time favorite thing to do was decorating your apartment and baking Christmas treats. Whether you did it alone or with friends, nothing beat hanging up stockings or putting up the tree and putting the ornaments and lights up. 

Spending the Christmas season in Boston meant lots of public tree lightings to go to as well, all of them filled with cheer, music, and people who were also in the Christmas spirit. 

It also meant finals. That brought on stress, panic, and many many deadlines to meet. Many students didn’t find a lot to be happy about during finals weeks, but not you. You found so much to be happy for, even during the most stressful weeks in college. Finals meant lots of stress, yes, but it also meant the end of the semester and that a break was coming your way soon. Sure, there were many deadlines to meet, but the relief that flooded through you when you were able to cross something else off your list and you felt the weight on your shoulders getting lighter and lighter was one of the best feelings. Break coming up meant more time to spend time with family and friends without worrying about what work you have to do and baking as many Christmas cookies as you wanted, decorating them with red and green frosting topped with sprinkles or candy cane bits. 

Tom Holland, however, was the opposite of you. He was an exchange student from London. He was a pessimistic frat boy who found no joy in anything besides hooking up with girls, using them for sex and then discarding them the next morning. Tom hated Christmas and the Christmas season. No one really knew why, he didn’t tell anyone. It could be that his shoes were too tight. It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right. But you thought the most likely reason was that his heart was two sizes too small. 

Tom didn’t have a lot of close friends. Your friends hung around the frat he belonged to and was “friends” with one of your good friends, Liam so you saw quite a lot of Tom Holland. 

The two of you did not get along. Tom would roll his eyes whenever he saw you around while you would simply try to ignore it and be your usual optimistic self, which made Tom (metaphorically) sick. He couldn’t understand how one person could be so bubbly and happy all the damn time. And you, on the other hand, couldn’t understand how one person could be so pessimistic and full of anger all the damn time. You were pretty sure he hated you. You would say you hated him too but ‘hate’ is a very strong word, so you kept it to a heavy disliking. 

Tom shocked you, he really did. You went to the frat parties with your friends and they were fun, but you couldn’t understand how someone could gain all their happiness from doing this every weekend. Didn’t it get boring? All the drinking and smoking and sex? 

You were busy putting up your final Christmas decorations when you heard a knock at your door. When you answered the door you weren’t surprised to see Liam there with none other than Tom Holland. 

“It looks like the North Pole threw up.” Tom muttered, entering your apartment, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Thanks, Tom!” You replied through your gritted teeth as you let them in. 

“Wasn’t a fucking compliment.” He mumbled under his breath. 

“Looks nice, y/n! Smells nice too.” Liam complimented, genuinely making you smile. 

“Thanks, Liam. ‘S the fresh balsam candle right over there.” You pointed to the forest green candle on your coffee table, your little tree standing proudly in the corner, the lights shining brightly. 

“Jesus christ is all of this necessary?” Tom asked, his brown eyes scanning the decorations. 

“They’re just decorations, Tom. Don’t see what the big deal is.” You shrugged. 

“Little advice, tone it down. This isn’t good for throwing parties.” He said smugly, making you roll your eyes. 

“Some of us have better things to do that to mindlessly party every weekend, Holland.” You told him, anger flooding through your veins. 

“Just a suggestion, princess.” He winked, Liam rolling his eyes. 

“Well I think they look really nice.” Liam told you. 

“Thanks again, Liam. At least someone thinks so.” You replied. “So what brings you over here?” 

“I knew you’d be putting up the decorations. We wanted to see if you wanted any help.” Liam smiled, making you smile. 

“Thanks, Li. I’m alright, though. You guys are welcome to stay.” You offered, Tom rolling his eyes. 

“Dunno if I could ever deal with this much decorations.” He nearly whispered, making you roll your eyes once again. 

“No one’s begging you to stay, Holland.” 

“Oh so now we’re on a last name basis, are we y/l/n?” 

“Only for you since you don’t know how to keep your fucking mouth shut!” 

“Feisty. Didn’t think you had it in you to say a worse word than ‘heck’ or ‘gosh darn.’” He smirked. 

“Alright alright,” Liam interfered, stepping between you and Tom. “Thank you for the offer, y/n, but I think we’ll have to get going.” 

“‘S fine, Li. See you around, yeah?” You smiled softly, Liam nodding in return. 

“Yeah for sure. I’ll stop by later.” Liam smiled, ushering Tom out the front door. 

-

“What was that about?” Liam asked Tom, who simply shrugged. 

“She’s annoying.” He said casually. 

“She’s my friend.” Liam said. 

“So?” 

“Whatever, man. You don’t have to be such a dick.” 

-

You were sitting at your table later that night, scented candles set up around you with piano Christmas tracks playing softly as you went through your notes and organized them in preparation for the final next week. 

You were interrupted by a knock on the door, confusion taking over your features as you went to answer the door. 

“Tom?” You asked, shocked to see the British brunette leaning against your doorway. “You live on this floor?”

“Right next door, princess.” He smirked, a curl falling onto his forehead. “Anyway your music is annoying as fuck. Turn it down for me?” 

“Well not when you ask like that.” You replied, crossing your arms. “Gotta ask nicely. And it’s not even that loud!” 

“Fuckin’ hell,” Tom groaned. “You and your ‘gotta ask nicely shit’ can’t you just turn down your annoying music? ‘M trying to study for finals.”

“You? Studying for finals? Didn’t know that was a thing that occurred. Anyway, finals aren’t for a couple weeks.” You feigned shock while Tom rolled his eyes. 

“Will you please turn your music down?” He sighed, making you smile softly. 

“I’ll consider it.” 

-

It was Friday night. All you wanted was to watch a nice Christmas movie with a cup of hot chocolate but Tom had other plans. The sound of your movie was being drowned out by the moans and grunts of Tom and whatever girl he brought home as well as the bed creaking and hitting the wall. 

You groaned and rolled your eyes, waiting for the sounds to die down before you went over there. It took a lot to piss you off and somehow Tom knew how to do just that. 

Knocking on his door harshly, you were taken back when you were greeted by a shirtless Tom answering the door. 

“Well hi there princess. Gotta be honest ‘m surprised to see you out and about this late.” He greeted sarcastically. 

“You know the funniest thing happened. I was trying to watch Home Alone and I couldn’t hear anything because all I could hear was some girl getting fucked obnoxiously into next week and the bed slamming against the wall.” You said, watching the smug look on his face take over. “I think that’s much more annoying than some piano tracks.” 

“Well sorry princess,” Tom started. “Girls are always so loud when they’re in bed with me. I’m that good. Want me to prove it to you?” 

“First of all, that’s disgusting.” You gagged, Tom rolling his eyes at your theatrics. “Second of all, just keep it down. Some of us are trying to sleep and actually study for finals.” 

Tom shrugged. “Just gotta drown out that Christmas shit, princess.” 

“Why do you hate Christmas so much anyway?” You asked, genuinely interested in his response, seeing his demeanor shift. 

“None of your fucking business.” 

-

Finals were next week. You were having a small holiday party with a couple friends to chill before you all had to face final exams and papers and you invited Tom for the sake of being nice. 

Tom wasn't sure why he showed up. Maybe it was because deep down he was lonely and knew meaningless sex wouldn’t fill the void that needed to be filled. Maybe it was because he knew he would be drinking his pain away by himself on Christmas like he did every year and wanted some company this time.  

Tom told you he showed up for the free booze. You sighed, letting Tom in. As much as you thought the free booze reasoning was bullshit, you couldn’t find it in you to turn him away

Tom didn’t know anyone at the party. You were talking with all the guests gathered in the kitchen and offering drinks and light snacks to them. Tom took the opportunity to grab a beer and head to the living room to be by himself.

He sat on the couch, sipping on his beer while Christmas songs played throughout the apartment. Taking out his phone, he was greeted with a lack of notifications, rather he was staring at a picture of Tessa.

“Cute dog.” You commented, taking a seat next to him.

Tom considered replying with something sarcastic, but decided against doing so.

“Thanks.” He mumbled, taking another sip.

“So why’d you show up?” You asked, earning a shrug from Tom.

“Free booze.”

“Bullshit.”

“What?” He glanced at you, his brown eyes widened.

“You have plenty of booze at your apartment. You don’t need me to supply you.” You pointed out. 

“How do you know what I have my apartment, princess?” He smirked.

“You really want me to believe you don’t have booze at your place?” 

“Fair.” Tom smiled smugly. “I don’t know why I showed up. Why’d you invite me?”

“Don’t know.” You shrugged. “Guess I didn’t want you to feel left out.”

“That’s really nice.” Tom told you honestly. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” You smiled. “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did.”

“Why do you hate Christmas?” You asked, taking Tom by surprise.

“Why do you care?” He grumbled, playing with his beer bottle.

“Well Christmas brings me so much joy-” 

“-Everything brings you joy.” 

“So anyway Christmas brings me so much joy, it just makes me sad to know that it makes you sad. Or angry.” You told him gently. “You don’t have to answer if you really don’t want to.” 

“I haven’t really, uh, talked about this.” Tom muttered, placing his beer bottle on the table and dropping his head to his hands. 

“That’s okay, Tom. You don’t have to tell me.” You soothed, hesitantly placing a hand on his shoulder. 

Tom didn’t know what it was but something about you made him feel like he could open up.  You made him feel safe. 

“A few years ago, right before I came here, my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident right around Christmas.” He spoke softly, his voice cracking. “We had just gotten into a fight and she was leaving my house. Someone ran a red light and crashed into her. Paramedics say she was killed instantly.”

“Oh Tom I’m so sorry.” You frowned, rubbing his shoulder softly. “I can’t even imagine what that must’ve been like.” 

“I kinda uh, spiraled and used alcohol to solve my problems, lashed out against my family.” He nearly whispered. “Haven’t been back since.” 

“Do you talk to them?” You asked softly.

“Only my brothers.” He responded. “They usually call me on Christmas for virtual company.” 

“You’re alone on Christmas?” You gasped as he nodded. “Will..will you be alone this year?”

“Probably.” He replied, shrugging. “‘S fine, I’ll be fine.” 

“Tom that’s so sad, though! Don’t you have any friend’s houses you could to?” 

“All my close friends are back home in London.” He shrugged. “Seriously, y/n, I’m fine.”

“I think you could use a friend.” You smiled, Tom rolling his eyes, though he smiled. 

“Why would you wanna be my friend? I’ve been a dick to you.” He chuckled, though he was serious. 

“That’s true.” You smiled. “But to be fair, I’ve been trying to be a friend to you, now I’m just declaring it official.”

“You were trying to be a friend to me?” Tom asked, feeling guilt wash over him. 

“Yeah.” You nodded, frowning slightly. “Jus’ thought you hated me.” 

“I’m really sorry, y/n. I don’t hate you.” Tom said softly. 

“You don’t?” 

Tom shook his head. “Christmas time just makes me so sad and angry. I keep up the act year round ‘cause it’s easy.” 

“Protecting your heart?” You asked, Tom nodding. “Well, think of it this way. You could have a pair of rollerblades that are really nice that you’re afraid to wreck. So you keep them locked away and you don’t use them for a few years. Then one day you want to use them, but they’re too small now because you outgrew this.” 

“‘M sort of confused as to how this relates to me trying to protect my heart.” 

“If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like the rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.” You told him. 

“I guess that kind of makes sense. Thanks, y/n.” He smiled. 

“No problem, friend.” 

-

You helped Tom study for finals, making his study guides colorful and organized and quizzing him with flashcards. 

He even let you put up some Christmas lights in his apartment. 

Finals came and went and soon it was time for students to go home for the holidays or at least for break if they didn’t celebrate Christmas. 

You were done packing up to head to your family’s house for the holiday when you remembered you had one last thing to do before you left. 

Knocking on Tom’s door, you smiled and showed him the two digital train tickets on your phone. 

“You didn’t think I’d let you spend Christmas alone, did you?” You asked, shock and confusion coming over Tom’s face. 

“You want me to spend Christmas with you?” He asked. 

“Yup. My family said it’s fine and I’m only going there for a few days. And so are you because I don’t want you being alone on Christmas.” You told him. 

“What should I pack?”

-

“Tom, Tom, hey! Wake up!” You whispered, shaking him awake. It was Christmas morning and you only had one bed for you and Tom so you had to share with him. Not that you minded, he was a good cuddler. 

“Hm what?” He mumbled. 

“It’s Christmas!” You whispered excitedly, making him smile. 

“Is it now?” He mumbled, a smile on his lips. 

“Come onnn, I have a present for you!” 

Tom opened his eyes, smiling when he saw you sitting up and smiling. 

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” He told you, making you shake your head. 

“Just open it.” You instructed, handing him the small gift bag. 

He reached in, pulling out the London ornament. 

“Do you like it?” You asked shyly. 

“I love it. Thank you so much, y/n.” He replied, admiring the London sites on the ornament. 

“Come on, let’s go downstairs.” 

Once downstairs, you watched as your siblings opened their presents. You and Tom sat on the couch, neither of you noticing the way Tom’s arm almost instinctively went around your shoulders. Or the way you leaned into his touch, resting your head on his shoulder. 

When everyone was done opening presents and your family was distracted, Tom got up and held his hand out for you to take, telling you he had something for you. 

You followed him to the dining room, where you saw a gift bag, Tom softly instructing you to open it. 

Inside you found a few scented candles, along with DVDs of your favorite Christmas movies, and an ornament in the shape of a pair of rollerblades. 

“Tom this is, this is so much.” You whispered, tears in your eyes. 

“Felt like this was the least I could do after all you’ve done for me.” He said softly. “And uh, I hope you like the rollerblade ornament.” 

“I love it, Tom.” 

“You know, someone I know once told me to uh, give using my heart again a chance.” He muttered, feeling his heart pound in his chest. 

“Think I know who you’re talking about.” You smiled, feeling butterflies in your stomach as he came closer. “Any particular reason you’re bringing this up?” 

“I think I figured out who I can let in.” He whispered. 

“Yeah? Who’s that?” You asked as he took one step closer. 

“You.” He mumbled, pressing his lips to yours softly. 

You wrapped your hands around his neck, pulling yourself closer to him while his hands rested against your waist softly. 

“Must be one special girl.” You whispered against his lips when you pulled away, making him smile and chuckle as his hands wrapped around your waist, keeping you close to him. 

“Yeah. She’s pretty special to me.” 

[rebelcap]

We are not just friends —Part 8

Chris Evans x bi!latina!character (Sofia is a people of color, she's brown.)

Chris and Sofia meet when their best friends started dating, it all started at friends with loads of bumps on the road.

Warnings: drinking, smoking, drug use (weed), assault, Chris being Steve Rogers, commitment issues, my girl Sofia kinda messy, lots of fucking (eventually)

This is slow burn at its best, at least emotionally.

Series masterlist

Part 1 — Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 — Part 5 — Part 6 — Part 7

It's been a couple of days and Sofía finally had the time to Skype with Mandy.

“Works going great, today's been kind of long. Been interviewing a bunch of people to the assistant gig.” Sofía spoke to the computer resting on the middle of the bed, she was pointing it towards the mirror where Sofía was brushing her hair.

“That's awesome baby, don't work too hard though,” Mandy said eating an apple. “Where's Chris?”

“He had some meetings or something—” She shrugged looking back at Mandy who had her eyebrows up, lips puckering. she was waiting. “Okay, yes we did it, we had sex.”

She actually claps like a child. “I want details, bitch,” Mandy said and Sofía laugh

"I had never been fucked that deep on my life and I've been around the block,” Sofia said biting her lip. “And he's… dominant and tender. I don't know.” She waves a hand and shrugged.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Mandy said putting a hand on her chest. “It's like me with Luke, no one can fuck me as he fucks me. I totally get it—so, you guys dating now?”

“What? no.” Sofía shakes her head.

“You haven't talked about it yet?”

“A little, the other day after you helped him ambush me on the bar. But I don't know, I like him that's for sure and he likes me.”

“Well, that's a start—finally, it was like a fucking pregnancy with you two.” She laughs.

“But we're not dating, just… fucking, he's still my friend.” she shrugged

“And Chris is okay with it?”

“Why not? we were speaking that he had sex with his ex and regretted the whole thing, but I don't know, I'm convenient for him"

“And he told you that?”

“No, But—

“I don't think Chris, Chris I know thinks you're convenient.”

“But I am, I'm cool with that—I don't want anything else,” Sofía said, sitting cross-legged in front of the computer, now paying attention to her friend.

“But why not? Sof. he's not some idiot you've founded on tinder—”

“I've used tinder once!”

“That leads to the most lengthy relationship you've had—on your life!” Mandy said.

Sofía rolled her eyes. “yeah and that worked out so good, Tiffany leave me with fucking PTSD—And your point?”

“Is that I think Chris is the one you've been waiting for your whole life.” She speaks and Sofía frown. “I remember what we talked about when we were younger before shit went down—you know.”

“Yeah, I remember… I was seventeen and still a virgin. I didn't even realize that I liked women too.”

“Yeah, that doesn't matter—I mean I'm glad that you're out and proud not the point—but Isn't Chris all that you ever wanted in someone?”

“Why are you making a telenovela out of this?, I already told you—”

“I think he's great for you and you deserve great—I mean there's no men worthy of you but Chris is pretty close,” Mandy spoke as she walked on the apartment back in Boston. “I'm not telling you now, but maybe there's a future with him.”

“I don't know—how're things back there?” Sofia had abruptly change subjects and Mandy stares her through the computer.

“It's good, I miss you—”

“I miss you too, baby.”

“—no one cooks for me here and I had been back at home and mom and dad also miss you. And Ian has a crush on you.”

“Your baby bro?, He's eighteen!.” She raised her eyebrows.

“He's been asking about you a lot. When's Sofi coming?, Sofi this and Sofi that.” Mandy laughed. “It's kind of endearing.”

“Yes, he's cute maybe in a few—

“Shut the fuck up, no way in fucking hell your—Ewww!” Mandy screamed and shake her head making Sofía laugh.

“I'm fucking with you—” She smiled and her phone started ringing, it was Chris. “And speaking of.” Sofia smile showing her the phone.

“Oh, don't let me get in the way!” Mandy said and blow her a kiss and ended the call after saying goodbye.

“Hey!” She smiles letting herself fall on the bed.

“Hi baby, just gets home—I've been on the studio all day.” He said. He sounded tired, she could tell.

“You sound tired, have you eaten yet?”

“I am, dead tired.” He yawns over the phone.

“Not yet, I'm ordering something though—wanna come over? I might have a huge bag of weed.” He laughed.

“Hell yes.” She said laughing. “I'll bring some pizza, go take a shower and relax—I'll be there in a little bit,” Sofía said already getting out of bed.

“You're the best!, I'll leave the door unlocked, just get it.”

“Alright, see you on a bit.”

_____________

“Chris?” Sofia called, locking the door behind her as she walked to the empty-looking house. Dodger came running from the back to greet her. “Hey baby, where's daddy?” She asked him as he moves his tail all over. When she reached the living room he was sprawled on the couch, phone resting on his chest.

“Awh,” Sofia said putting the two pizzas on the coffee table and slide her backpack off and kneel beside him and kissed his beard. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

Chris's eyes fluffer open and his smile got to bashful that Sofia had to sigh deeply. He was so handsome, with those bright blue eyes.

“My sofi–” He spoke grabbing her from the waist and pulled her on top of him and slide his hand under her dress, sliding his hands up and down her ass.

“You tired, champ?”

“Not of this ass.” He nipped at her neck and then kissed her. “I'm hungry though, that pizza is getting me.” Chris swat at her ass and she laughs.

“Let's eat, uhm?”

Chris scooted her again and seat her beside him on the couch. They sat there as Sofia surf through Netflix trying to catch a movie.

“You do something tomorrow?” Chris asked taking another bite of his pizza.

“Nope, I mean nothing job-related.”

“Mm, I've got a birthday party. You interested?”

“Yes. free food, especially cake.” She quickly agreed, Chris snort. “who's the birthday?”

“A friend, you'll see.”

Sofía cranked her neck up from his shoulder and squinted his eyes at him. “Why you'll being all mysterious and shit?”

Chris laughed, taking a sip of his beer and shrugged.

“It's not Brad, isn't it?” She frowns.

“Why?”

“I don't like him very much.”

Chris frown, giving her one stare to elaborate on that, and Sofía sigh. “He cornered me on the kitchen and asked me if you and I were fucking, so he knows I'm off-limits. He asked me out and was kind of surprised when I said no.”

Chris pursed his lips and looked forward. “Fucking asshole. We're not really close, he's usually hanging with us, he's no longer welcome.”

Sofía bite her pizza and looked at him, not gonna lie she liked that… possessiveness on Chris even though she won't admit it. Leaving the half-eaten pizza there, she grabbed her beer and took a few gulps.

“You finish that?” She asked and Chris looked at her, throwing the pizza on the coffee table and grabbed the beer from her hand, and she giggles putting biting her nail.

“Sure as hell did.” He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in, straddle him. Chris looked down at her bare legs as he caresses them, up and down, and then put both of his hands on her ass and squeeze it. Camila looked down and grabbed the joint Chris had previously rolled and a lighter.

“Want to?” She said putting the joint between her lips and Chris hummed at him.

Sofia light it up, throwing the lighter back at the table and took a deep drag, hold it for a moment, and put the joint on Chris's mouth.

“Fuck—” She looked up, blowing the smoke. “So good.”

“Yeah,” He blew the smoke, hand gripping her jaw, his fingers playing with her bottom lip and she opened her mouth and he slipped two fingers inside, closing her lips around them she sucked, tongue dragging up the bottom. Chris slide then out and wrap his fingers around her neck and pulled her in for a heated kiss “You've got no idea what you do to me.”

“I do,” She smiles, lazily, and press herself more against his clothed dick. “Feels so good.”

“I do,” She smiles, lazily, and press herself more against his clothed dick. “Feels so good.”

“Fuck, it does.” Chris closed his eyes, leaning his head against her chest as she started to move her hips, oh so slowly. Grabbing the joint from his fingers, she gave it another go, already feeling light and dazed.

“You're so fucking… cute,” She bit her lips while smiling cupping Chris's face. “Your eyes are so beautiful and blue and your lashes—I want them.”

Chris blushed and Sofía squeezes his face planting kisses on his forehead, his nose, and their lips.

“–Then,” She said. Putting the joint between her lips and grabbed the end of his shirt and took it off, revealing his toned body. “That. all of it—fuck. me.”

“I'm trying—” Chris chuckle, now he gave it the final drag and leave the joint on the ashtray on the table. Grabbing Sofia’s face, she opened her mouth and shotgun the smoke into her mouth.

“I'm so high, that's some good shit right there.” She hides her face on the creak of his neck and laughs, making him laugh.

“It is,” He hummed, closing his eyes as he concentrates on the butterfly kisses on his neck, she suddenly wrapped her arms around here and they just stayed there. Chris's hand kept caressing her back.

“Sofi?” He said, trying to look at her face but her soft breathing, arms going limp. Chris chuckle as he stands up, she still on his arms and carried her to the bed and tuck her in.

“Chris?” She said, barely audible as she hugged her own pillow.

“Yes? baby.” He said. Taking off his shirt and sat down on the bed to take off his shoes.

“You're my best friend, I love you.” She expressed, Chris craned his neck to see her. Eyes still closed, mouth slightly open.

“I love you too, Sof.”

“Cool.” She hummed. “I love Mandy more, she first.”

Chris let out a heartfelt laugh and slide in bed with her and scoot her to sleep on his chest and she accommodated quickly.

“Sorry about your boner.” She slurred, smiling a bit when Chris laughed again. “The fuck I've smoke?”

“It's a strand I use to relax, I've used it for a while now.”

“Relax me the fuck right, I can't open my eyes.” She gulped. “Imma drools on you, so you know.”

He laughs. “Droll me, I'll take it.”

~~

Thank everyone, so much!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Tag list.

Tag list:

@letsdothemonstermash

@lunaticbarnes

@firstangeldragonranch

@lovepeacefood

@thegirlwithpaperheart

[bapyess1r]

Head Over Heels

4. Head Over Heels

Joe’s POV

I stared at the Bob Marley lighter, twiddling it between my fingers. Now and then I’d look at the girl’s number and smile. I quite liked her. “Samira…” I read aloud as I ran my thumb across her number.

“Joe boy!” My friend Craig snapped his fingers in front of my face, yanking me out my trance. I looked up at his joyful, gap toothed smile and snickered as Mark slapped a heavy hand on me shoulder, letting out a deep, guttural laugh. After Mark and I left McMullen’s, we met up with another mate at another pub. This one was a bit more fun; cornhole, table tennis, giant chess, giant jenga. Of course we went! And I was having a great time until we sat down for a breather and I started thinking about Samira. “Mate, this girl has you whipped huh?” He asked.

When I thought about it, she kinda did have me spinning. I smiled thinking about her dark coily hair and her eyes and the shape of her lips when she cracked a smile. I felt the warm n’ fuzzies! It was not at all natural to my habits to be this whipped but she made me wanna get used to it.

“What was her name again, bruv?” Mark asked.

“Samira.” I said quite proudly. I deserved a fucking gold star for that one I tell ya!

“So! You got a girl’s number! Stop gawkin’ at the number and start drinkin’!” Craig chimed in, grabbing his beer and chugging easily. I smirked and picked up my own pint. I was so bolloxed that I could barely hold the glass up to begin with. But still I clinked glasses with my friends and down my entire beer in one sit.

“I’m ready fer liquor now- oi, waiter! Might I get… a bottle o’ whiskey, please.” I said, stopping a waitress as she skipped by. I had so many feelings about this. Not only did I get a girl’s number, I had real feelings for her. It’s worrying because…. “Who would like a bloke like me, eh?” I thought aloud again, staring into my glass.

“Mate, not this again-” Craig started up.

“Alright look bruv, do you like her?” Mark asked, shushing up our friend.

“Aye….”

“And you wanna see her again, yeah?”

“Yeah, I do, mate.”

“And you have her number?”

“For fucksake, mate, yes!”

“So then pick up the bloody phone and god damn call her!” He shouted, snapping his fingers in my face.

“Honestly, Joe, she wouldn’t have given you her number if she didn’t like ya.” Craig added. I took a long sigh and stared at my feet for a moment.

“I’ve gotta get super drunk fer that first, mate! She uh….. She’s very uh….”

“My god…. she makes you nervous-” I groaned and waved him off as the waitress arrived with my whiskey. Immediately, I twisted the cap and chugged a lot of it. “She does! She makes ya nervous!”

“Okay so what!? I’m gonna call her- I just…. I dunno what on earth I’m gonna say to her.” I sighed, shaking my head. The alcohol was starting to take effect and gravity seemed to almost defy me in every way.

“Just say you wanna do brekkie in the mornin’.” Craig said, gulping down the last of his pint. I nodded my head, sipping my whisky bottle like a soda.

“I’mna do it, mate….. I’ve gotta do it, innit?” I said, trying my best to work myself up to the challenge. I stood up to get my balance back and drunkenly hopped over the railing that closed us in. I grabbed my bottle and unlocked my phone as I walked down the street of the quiet town.

“Good luck, bruv!” Mark shouted making me laugh a bit.

I typed in the number from the back of the lighter and let my finger hover over the call button. I had to do it…. there was only but so many times I can meet someone and push them away. I had to try… With a deep breath and a swig of liquid courage, I called her. My heart raced as I anticipated hearing her voice on the other end.

“Hello?” The sudden click made my heart stop a moment and at the sound of her voice, my brain went blank. “Hellooo???”

“Oi! Is a….is this Samira?” I asked, snapping myself out of my drunken trance. Then I sighed. “Sorry, that was a um… a dumb question- of course it you. T-This is Joe. Ya smoked a joint wit me on the roof at the pub?” I suddenly started to babble absolute nonsense and I mentally kicked myself for it.

“I’m sorry who?” The voice said. My heart dropped.

“I-I um…...erm…. It’s- I’m soo sorry-”

“I’m fuckin’ with you.” She said with a light airy laugh. I gave a big audible dramatic sigh of relief and took a sip of whisky.

“Jesus! I’m so glad! I’m too drunk to cover me arse right about now…” I chuckled.

“You’re still drinking?” She asked.

“Okay, Judgy McJudgerson!” I joked.

“I’m not judging! I just….. I didn’t think you’d call.”

“Why on earth would I not?” I said sincerely, staring up at the star pierced night sky.

“I dunno…”

“I couldn’t stop t’inkin’ about ya since you left wit yer mates…. I hope that’s not creepy-”

“No! That’s um…. really nice of you. Honestly…” she sounded flattered on the other end and I smiled thinking about her smile.

“So um…. I’m callin’ because erm… I wanted to know if maybe you’d wanna have breakfast wit me tomorrow mornin’ or…. or lunch if you’re not a mornin’ person…. I’m not- but I’d still want to do breakfast… if you wanted to…” There I was, babbling again. “I could show you around town if you’d like….”

“Sure! That sounds nice, Joe.”

“Yeah? Nice! Then I….can pick you up?”

“Is 11 ok?”

“Brunch time! Sounds perfect…”

“I’ll send the address! I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah of course! And I’ll um….slow down on the drinkin’ then.” I said with a brief chuckle, taking another swig of whisky.

“Are you gonna be okay getting home?” She asked me as I spun around a few times in the street, walking aimlessly as I listened to her voice.

“I t’ink I’ll be alright, love, t’anks.” I laughed, stumbling a bit as I tripped over my feet.

“Hm…. okay. If you need anything let me know-”

“You’re so attentive…” I blurted out in a brief spurt of drunkenness. She gave a small goofy goober laugh and it made me grin from ear to ear as I walked down the street, not even noticing the pothole ahead. I stepped straight in it, losing my footing and stumbling straight into a nearby ditch with a slight holler, head over heels. I didn’t dare let go of my phone though.

“Joe? Joe?! You good over there?” I heard her say from the speaker. I pat my body down to make sure I was still in one piece and laid my head back down with laughter full of embarrassment.

“Yeah, lass, I’m still here. Hope nobody saw that.” I chuckled as I climbed out of the ditch.

“Are you okay?” She giggled.

“Just fine. I fell over but no mud. Just a spot of dirt…” I said looking down at my now completely dirty body. I dusted myself off and wiped my face with my sleeve.

“Alright well….. Honey is currently being annoying and tapping his watch. We’re supposed to be drunkenly watching a movie.” she chuckled.

“Sounds like a blast. I won’t keep ya… Goodnight, Samira.”

“I’ll see you in the morning, Joe.” she said in a rather sweet tone. And with that, she hung up. I punched in the air like an absolute idiot and ran back to my friends. I felt like a weight had been lifted.

“GUYS! GUYS! I’VE DONE IT! I’ve done it, I got a date!” I exclaimed and we began our night of celebration.

Samira’s POV

“Who the bloody hell was that? Callin’ at this hour?” Maura scowled, twisting her long brown hair into a messy bun. Brazil came into the living room from her shower followed by Jooheon just as Maura took a seat opposite me on the couch.

“That was Joe.” I said trying not to seem like I was nervous. The girls mewed cutely and Jooheon of course whined as he followed Brazil to the kitchen to fix himself a sandwich.

“AiYah! Does this guy have any respect for sleepy time hours?” He commented, wincing at the mention of Joe. Brazil rolled her eyes and smacked her lips, pushing his head with her freshly done nails.

“Boy, if you don’t leave that man alone!” She snapped.

“I just don’t want her to get hurt! It’s been a while but Javi’s still fresh. I wanna make sure you take your time, y’know- and we don’t even know this guy to begin with! Maura, back me up here, man! C’mon…” Jooheon replied defensively.

Maura responded in a laidback light, picking at her nails. “I don’t know, Honey. He seems like an alright feller to me. He was nice enough… and cute in like a…. Fashionable hobo kinda way-”

“There’s no way he’s not a hobo-” he retorted pointing at me. I scoffed.

“Jooheon, he is not a hobo!”

“He’s a fucking hobo.” He mumbled to Brazil before taking his sandwich to the dining table and she chuckled a bit at his paranoid nonsense.

“How was it talkin’ with him?” Maura asked. Jooheon groaned in the background but he was heavily ignored.

“He is so fucking funny! Like it should be a sin to be as funny as he is. And he’s very sweet. He’s got this romantic side to him from what I could tell over the phone… He’s just a dork and it’s precious as fuck-”

“Buuut?” Brazil added, pulling a box of tea from the cabinet.

“..... I’m not ready to trust anyone like that again yet.” It frightened me, falling in love again. I was with Javi for so long and I thought I grew as a person throughout our relationship. Unfortunately, I was a complete idiot the entire time. I’m still the same piece of trash I was in high school. I was anxious and I was tired. Mostly nervous about breakfast with Joe. I don’t even know what to say to him… He’s kinda intimidating but such a marshmallow at the same time. I couldn’t let myself get wrapped up in something serious.

“So let him know that and take it slow. You are the one in control of this experience.” She said, filling up her massive water bottle.

“And take it slow slow. Like waaay slow-” Jooheon interjected with a mouthful of sandwich.

“Christ, Honey! She’s not a nun!” Maura chuckled looking up from her phone. Once again, she and Jooheon began their bickering. If I didn’t know them, I’d mistake them for a married couple. It suddenly became too much and I stood with a stretch and a yawn.

“OKAY guys!” I shouted above them, causing them to quiet. “I’m going to sleep. I have a date in the morning…” With that, I briskly walked down the dark colored hardwood floor hallway into my room and shut my door, locking it behind me with a fierce need to be alone.

Author’s Note: I just wanna say I’m really sorry for the ridiculously long hiatus lol I haven’t been doing very well here and I’m trying my best to work on myself. Hopefully my brain block doesn’t last this long again and I can keep bringing you content! Please keep reading 💖

[artificialqueens]

Something New- Chapter 7 (Trixya) - Julie

AN: This is going to be the last chapter of Something New! Thank you so much for reading and thank you for all your lovely feedback! It really motivated me to keep going.

Chapter 7 includes: a hair crisis, Kim being a good friend and Brian’s parnets. Tw for some transphobic comments.

Thanks for reading! - Julie

Brian was woken up by a loud cough. He jerked up and blinked a few times. The room was well-lit and his curtains didn’t do much to keep the sun out.

“What the fuck?”, he asked confused when he spotted Kim standing next to his bed, hands on his hips. He raised an eyebrow at Brian.

“Good morning”, he said.

“What’s going on?”, Katya asked next to Brian and his head whipped around, having forgotten that she was there. Her hair was a mess and she had pulled up the blanket to cover her breasts. She still was the most beautiful woman Brian had ever seen. She blinked at him with tiered eyes.

“What time is it?”, Brian asked Kim and he let out a laugh.

“It’s 12.”

“Oh fuck”, Katya groaned. Brian glanced at his alarm clock to make sure Kim wasn’t lying. He groaned as well when he saw that he was in fact telling the truth.

“Where’s Keira?”, Brian asked, his voice slightly panicked. He didn’t want her to burst into the room, seeing Katya in his bed. He didn’t have the energy to explain that right now and so he was glad when Kim assured him that she was in her room.

“How did you even get in here?”, Brian demanded to know. He was more awake now, and able to think a bit more clearly.

“Your door was open”, he explained, “it seems you were too busy to close it last night”, Kim nodded at Katya and Brian put his face in his hands embarrassed. But Katya just giggled and the sound of her laugh made Brian feel oddly comfortable.

“Fuck off”, he said, the sound muffled by his hands but Kim understood him anyway.

“I’m going to make coffee”, he said and went over to the door. There he turned around and let his gaze wander between Brian and Katya.

“And put some goddamn clothes on!”, he said before leaving Brian’s room, letting the door fall shut behind him. Brian sank back into his pillows and groaned loudly. This was not how he had planned this. Granted, he hadn’t planned anything but if he had, Kim finding out about them like this would have not been involved his his plan. He groaned again, thinking of the merciless teasing that would probably await him the next few weeks at work.

Katya snuggled closer to him and pressed a light kiss to his shoulder.

“Good morning”, she said in a soft voice and then she giggled again.

“This is awkward”, Brian sighed and she laughed.

“I need a cigarette”, she said and Brian could feel her warm body next to his own move. She got out of the bed, naked, and went over to her purse. Brian had to hold back a moan when she bent over, presenting her ass. She grabbed her pack of cigarettes and a lighter and walked over to his window. She opened it and lit her cigarette.

There was a naked woman in his room, smoking.

Brian rubbed his temples and wondered if this might be a dream.

He got up with a sigh and went over to his wardrobe taking out two boxershorts and two shirts. He laid one pair on his bed for Katya and put on the other one.

“I’m going to look after Keira”, he said and Katya acknowledged it with a nod, while she was blowing smoke out of the window.

Brian closed the door behind him quietly, and rested against it for a moment. Then he walked over to Keira’s room. She wasn’t there but Kim had heard him opening the door.

“Kitchen”, he called out.

Keira was sitting on the kitchen counter, her legs dangling of it. Kim shoved a cup of coffee in Brian’s hands when he entered the room and he smiled at him gratefully.

“Hey honey”, he said and pressed a kiss to Keira’s forehead before leaning on the counter next to her, “how was sleeping at Kim’s?”

“I want to go again!”, Keira’s eyes lit up, “we watched two movies and I was allowed to eat a whole bowl of popcorn!”, she recounted excitedly.

“That sounds fun”, Brian said and took a sip of coffee. He almost choked on it when Katya entered the room. She had brushed her hair, so that it was falling down her shoulder now, slightly curled. She was wearing his shirt, that was a bit too big for him and it almost looked like a dress on her. It went down to her thighs and she hadn’t put on the boxers that he had laid out for her. She was barefoot and in his shirt she looked tiny.

She grabbed a cup of coffee and winked at Keira.

“Morning, sweetheart”, she said. If Keira was confused she didn’t let it show.

“Did you have a sleepover too?”, she asked and Kim let out a stiff laugh.

“You could say so”, Katya said, ignoring Kim. She took Keira’s hand and inspected her nails. The nail-polish was already chipped.

“Hey do you want to come up later to redo your nails?”, Katya asked, changing the topic cleverly.

Keira nodded excitedly.

Katya moved so she was now standing next to Brian, her side pressing into his.

“Keira”, Kim said, “why don’t you go to your room and set up something to play with?” Brian knew that this was a manoeuvre for Kim to get to speak with him and Katya alone and he couldn’t even be mad at his friend. Keira hopped off the counter and bounced to her room giddily.

When they heard her door shut, Kim turned around to look at them with raised eyebrows.

“Soo”, he said, “anything you want to tell me?”

“It’s none of your business”, Brian mumbled into his cup, before gulping down the last sip of coffee.

“It is, when I come to bring Keira over and your still asleep”, Kim sounded offended.

“Look, Kim”, Brian said pitting down his cup, “I’m sorry. I really am. But I don’t know what you want to hear from us.”

“I think it’s fairly obvious”, Katya chimed in, “why do you want details?”

“Ew no!”, Kim said and his face scrunched up.

“Just- don’t let me find you in bed together, I guess?”

“Noted”, Katya said and Brian was well too aware of the implication that this hadn’t been a one time thing. That Katya wanted to repeat their night together.

“I’m going to look after Keira”, Kim said, “don’t-” he threw his hands up and left without finishing the sentence.

Suddenly Katya was I front of Brian, pressing him against the counter. Her face was so close to his and he could smell her morning breath. He was surprised to find that he didn’t mint it at all. Katya stood on her toes to reach Brian’s lips with her own and pressed a gentle kiss to his mouth. Brian put his arm around her waist but before he could pull her in even closer he heard Kim’s voice.

“Jesus Christ it has been ten seconds”, he complained and Katya quickly twisted herself free from his embrace.

“Uh Brian you should probably come see this”, Kim said and he sounded unsure.

“What is it?”, Brian asked slightly nervous at Kim’s tone.

“Just…look”, Kim said and Brian followed him to what he thought would be Keira’s room but Kim passed it and motioned to the bathroom instead. Brian looked at him questioningly but Kim only pushed him forward.

“Oh God”, was the only thing he could say as he looked at Keira sitting on the closed toilet.

“What have you done?”

Keira was holding a scissor and the ground beneath her was covered in strands of hair. The hair still on her head only reached the tip of her ears instead of falling down her shoulders. It looked uneven and the left side was longer than the right. It looked a mess.

“What’s going on?”, he could hear Katya ask behind him and then an “Oh”, as she spotted Keira who had crossed her arms defiantly.

“I cut my hair”, she said.

“I see”, Katya said and her voice sounded a bit unsure.

“Keira”, Brian crouched down in front of her, “why did you do this?”

“Because I wanted to”, she said and Brian tried to control his breathing to not get mad.

“I think it looks fabulous”, Katya said behind him and his head whipped around to glare at her.

“You should have asked me”, he said to Keira, his voice decidedly calm.

“Why?”, she asked and Brian couldn’t help but to raise his voice slightly.

“Because you can’t just cut your own hair! Look how short it is now!”

“Jacob in my class has short hair too”, Keira complained and her bottom lip was trembling. Brian could see that she was on the verge of tears and he did not want her to throw a tantrum now.

“Yeah but Jacob is-”, he started and then he abruptly stopped when he realised what he was about to say. But he knew that everyone in the room already knew what he had wanted to say, the unspoken words hanging in the air.

But Jacob is a boy.

He slowly turned his head to look at Katya. She was standing there, in his too big t-shirt. Her mouth was open in disbelief and she shook her head slightly when his eyes met hers. She turned around, her hair flipping over her shoulder. She walked away without saying a word and Brian flinched when he heard the door snap shut.

“You fucked up royally”, Kim said, breaking the silence.

“Yes, thank you”, Brian snapped and then Keira started to cry. Brian wished he was four too, so he could just join her. He certainly felt like crying.

“Honey it’s okay”, he said while uncrossing her arms to take her hands.

“I’m not mad.”

“But Katya is”, Keira sobbed and Brian could feel his heart shatter.

“She’s not mad at you”, he promised while running his hand up and down her arm, “She’s mad at me. I said something mean.”

He took a piece of toilet paper to dry her tars and Keira sniffled.

“What did you say?”, she asked and Brian sighed. He leaned against the cold tiles of the bathroom. Kim was still standing in the door frame.

“Do you remember a few days ago when you asked what trans meant?”, Brian asked and Keira nodded.

“Well, sometimes boys or girls are born in the wrong body. Sometimes a girl is born as a boy.”

“Why?”, Keira asked and Brian shrugged.

“I’m not sure. You know, some people can’t pet dogs without sneezing? It’s just a genetic mistake.” Keira nodded.

“And Katya was born as a boy even though she is a girl. And that’s very hard. She felt like something was wrong with her, when she was growing up.”

“But there isn’t anything wrong with Katya!”, Keira interrupted him.

“No there isn’t. But when I said that you couldn’t have short hair because you are not a boy that really hurt her feelings. Because when she was growing up there were people who told her that he couldn’t do things because she wasn’t a girl.”

“But she is”, Keira said and Brian nodded.

“She is, yes. But not everyone could see that right away. And I want you to know that you can be whatever you want to be and that you can have any haircut in the world because I will love you regardless.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Keira’s now short hair.

“I want to be a girl”, she said and he smiled into her hair.

“And girls can have short hair”, he said, “I was being stupid.”

Keira giggled at that.

“You’re a stupid Daddy.”

Kim huffed behind them.

“Yes he is”, he said and took a step forward to put his hands on Brian’s shoulders in a comforting way, “and he’s going to have to apologise.”

“I will”, Brian said and stood up. Keira’s eyes were still red but she was smiling now.

Suddenly a shrill sound interrupted them and it took Brian a while to realise that his phone was ringing. Which was weird. Because no one ever called him. No one except for – Brian groaned when he saw the caller ID and realised he was right.

“Yes?”, he asked as he picked up and he really was doing his best to not sound annoyed but he couldn’t help it.

“Brian!”, his mother chirped, too loud. She still didn’t understand that she didn’t have to shout all the way from Milwaukee for him to hear her.

“Hi mum”, he said and Kim gave him a sympathetic look.

“Brian, we’re in LA, we’re going to be there in 2 hours”, his mother declared and Brian almost screamed.

“Why didn’t you say something? I could have plans for all you know!”, Brian said angrily and his mother made a disapproving sound on the other line.

“We wanted to surprise you. We haven’t seen Keira in a while”, his mother explained and Brian looked at his daughter with panic in his eyes. She looked horrible, her hair was cut unevenly and there was no way in hell that his mother would find the whole thing funny. She would somehow find a way to blame it on him and then she would make Brian feel guilty and accuse him of being a bad father. A girl needs a mother, she would say and sooner or later Brian would run out of arguments or simply out of energy to have a discussion with his mother. His dad would stand there and nod along, occasionally making affirmative grunts. Always, always siding with his wife, never with Brian.

“Listen, mum, this is really not a good time”, he tried to speak up but he was soon cut off by her.

“Oh, nonsense! We’ll be there soon! Love you”, and with these words she hung up, leaving Brian defenceless and without a choice.

“Are they coming?”, Kim asked. He could probably read Brian’s face.

“In two hours”, he said and looked around. He would have to clean the bathroom, there was hair lying everywhere. He should probably vacuum the kitchen as well and his parents would expect coffee and cake. Keira looked a mess but it was Sunday and there would be no hair salons opened today. He could cut it himself but he didn’t have the right equipment and he hadn’t cut hair in years. There was also no time and there was still Katya.

Katya who probably hated him by now.

He hadn’t realised that he was shaking until Kim took his trembling hands in his.

“We’ve got this”, he said, looking Brian in the eyes.

“I’ll clean and bake a cake or something, okay? You go talk to her.”

“She won’t talk to me”, Brian whispered.

“Then you will talk until she has no choice”, Kim said sternly and began to lead Brian to the front door.

“I can't”, Brian said and he wanted to turn around but Kim blocked the way.

“Fucking go”, he said and pushed him out of the door.

Brian stood in front of his door for at least ten minutes, contemplating what he was going to say. When he finally climbed up the stairs and knocked on Katya’s door he had forgotten every word he had so carefully put together. It didn’t matter, because Katya didn’t open the door. Brian knocked again and again but Katya ignored him.

“Katya?”, he finally called out and he was shocked at how broken down his own voice sounded, “Katya, please. I know you’re there, I-”, he exhaled, “I was a fucking idiot, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Katya”, he could feel tears well up in his eyes.

“I know that you probably don’t want to have anything to do with me ever again but I’m sorry. I am so so sorry.” He immediately shut up when he could hear shifting behind the door.

“Katya?”, he called out after a few seconds of silence. Nothing.

“Keira thought that it was her fault somehow”, he said and at the mention of Keira’s name the door was being opened slowly. Katya was still wearing his shirt. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying and Brian could feel a tug in his stomach.

“I hope you explained to her that you are the one who is a massive dickhead”, Katya said and he could hear that she was trying to sound confident but her voice broke at the last second.

“I did”, Brian reassured, “I did and I explained what trans means and I told her that it didn’t matter and-”

“God Brian, it’s a fucking haircut. It doesn’t mean that she’s fucking trans”, Katya interrupted.

“I know!” Brian said and he put his hands up just to let them fall to his side again, “what I’m trying to say is, that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter to me, Katya.”

“Well, it should”, Katya said crossing her arms.

“I mean it matters but I don’t like you any less or more because of it”, Brian said helplessly, “I like you for you and I don’t care that you’re a woman. Maybe I’m not that gay, I don’t know. But I don’t care. I like you. I really do. And so does Keira. And I know that I fucked up big time. And I’m sorry.” He looked at her, trying to read her face. She was biting the inside of her cheek and her arms were still crossed.

“You are such an idiot”, she finally said, but her face softened, “I forgive you.”

Brian could feel the knot in his stomach loosen and he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Thank you”, he said and stood there unsure for a moment. Katya blinked at him and he took a step forward to wrap his arms around her. He was hugging her tight, but not too tight. He could feel her breath against his neck as he hugged him back.

“Thank you”, he whispered again against the top of her head.

They stood there in Katya’s hallway for a while, embracing each other. Eventually Brian pulled back to look her in the face. He gently kissed the corner of her mouth.

“I’m still mad”, she said and he quickly drew back but he could see that she was smiling.

“I need to go back downstairs”, he said after a while, “my parents just announced that they were coming. God, that’s gonna be a mess”, he groaned.

“Oh”, Katya said, “they’re not gonna like Keira’s new hair are they?”

“They are going to fucking flip”, he confessed, “very,and I mean very traditional gender roles. Having a gay son who’s a single dad almost brought my mother to her grave”, he joked.

“Well semi-gay”, he added when Katya raised her eyebrows slightly.

“Plus you can’t argue that Keira isn’t the most talented hairstylist.”

“I think she looks amazing”, Katya said, “asymmetry should be celebrated more across the world.” Brian laughed but Katya’s look suggested that she hadn’t been joking.

“Wait are you serious?”, he asked.

“Dead”, she said, “but I can see why your parents maybe wouldn’t be into it. My mum’s a hairstylist, I can take Keira there and ask if she can fix it?”, Katya suggested and Brian could have kissed her. He didn’t, only because the had just fought and it didn’t seem appropriate, but he definitely felt like it.

“Katya, that would save my ass. Thank you. I really owe you.” Katya simply shrugged.

“You’re lucky I still think your ass is cute.”

Brian and Kim had worked a miracle, Brian was sure of it. When his parents arrived, his house smelled of a freshly baked banana bread and coffee. The floor in his kitchen was spotless and not a single hair was to be found in the bathroom. He had fluffed the pillows on the couch and Kim had karate-choped them “to entertain the stereotypes”. He had left precisely five minutes before his mum had knocked on the door, making it look like Brian had done all the work by himself. There was only one problem.

“Where’s Keira?”, his mum said, looking around instead of a greeting.

“Hello to you too”, Brian grumbled but his mum just stalked past him, pushing her coat between his arms, signalling for him to hang it on the coat rack.

“Hello, son”, his father said, somewhat awkwardly and Brian nodded.

“Hey.”

“So where is she?”, his mum called from the kitchen and Brian sighed.

“She should be here any second. I told you it wasn’t a good time!”

He went to the kitchen, where his mother was sitting in one of the chairs. His dad trotted behind him.

“I should warn you, though, she-”

“We’re here!”, he was interrupted by Katya. She came into the kitchen.

“Oh”, she said, when she spotted Brian’s parents, “they’re already here.”

His mother gasped when she saw Keira. Suddenly Brian regretted that they hadn’t seen her before Katya took her to her mum, because she looked much better. Her hair was a tad shorter now but much more even. Pat had put a bit of gel in them so they were styled. Brian had to admit, that it suited her. She looked a little bit cheeky.

“What have you done?”, his mother asked Brian aghast. He put his hands up in defence.

“I haven’t done anything”, he said, “it was Keira’s idea”, he turned to face his daughter, “you look amazing, honey, that’s much better.”

“Don’t you dare to think I’m stupid, I know that was your idea”, his mother hissed.

“Nope”, Keira simply said, popping the p, “I did it. And Pat.”

His mum turned to Katya know, acknowledging her for the first time.

“Are you Pat?”

“Uh no, that’s Katya”, Brian jumped in, “she’s my, uh, Katya.” His mother looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“She’s my neighbour”, Brian said blushing, “Pat is her mother. She’s a hairdresser.”

“Hi”, Katya said and extended her hand towards Brian’s mother. She didn’t take it. Instead she focused on Keira.

“But you had such pretty blonde hair!”, she complained and it sounded accusatory.

“Mum, please. It’s just hair”, he said, trying to defend his daughter, “it grows back.”

“I don’t want it to grow back”, Keira said, crossing her arms. I like it.”

Brian wondered how a four year old got that much confidence.

“What is that?”, his mother asked all of the sudden and took Brian’s hand.

“Uh, nail-polish?”, Brian stammered.

“Why?”, his mother asked, her eyes widening.

“Because Keira- God, Mum, I’m 24, I don’t have to explain myself to you!”, he said drawing his hands back. His mother raised her eyebrows.

“I think it looks nice”, Katya chimed in and her mother glared at her.

“I do not recall, asking for your opinion, Katie.”

“Katya”, Brian said and now it was his turn to be glared at.

“Let’s just all sit down to have some coffee”, his father said, trying to ease the tension.

“Well, it was a pleasure to meet you”, Katya said and Brian could tell by her voice that she didn’t mean it.

“You can stay if you want”, he said and his mother gasped again.

“I thought this was supposed to be a family thing”, she said and Brian whipped around.

“This wasn’t supposed to be anything”, he growled, “this is my flat and when I say Katya can stay, she can stay”, his voice sounded angrier than intended and his mother was clearly taken aback, her mouth was hanging open, gaping like a fish.

“No it’s fine”, Katya said and looked at Brian’s mother, “I don’t want to disturb anything.” She stood on her tiptoes to press a kiss to Brian’s cheek.

“I’ll talk to you later”, she whispered and turned around. She ruffled through Keira’s hair as she walked away, messing it up again. Keira giggled and walked over to the table to sit next to her grandmother. Brian sighed and poured his parents and himself some coffee while Keira got a glass of orange juice.

“Thank you”, she said and Brian felt a tiny pang of victory over her showing politeness in front of his parents.

They sat down and ate in silence.

“That Katya-”, his mother started and Brian involuntarily tightened the grip around his fork, “is she a man?”

“No”, he said, not wanting to discuss Katya with his parents.

“She’s trans”, Keira piped up, proud to present the new word she learned. Under any other circumstances Brian would have been proud too, but Keira had now undoubtedly proven herself to have terrible timing.

“Where did you learn that word?”, his father asked.

“From Daddy”, Keira answered.

“Don’t you think she’s a little young to know about such things?”, his father asked, looking at Brian sternly.

“No, I do not”, Brian said, “she’s perfectly able to understand ‘such things’.”

“Well, do you think it’s good that she’s growing up under the influence of people like that?”, his mother asked, “If you ask me she’s too young to-”

“I didn’t ask you”, Brian interrupted her, his voice raised.

“Brian-”, his father said warningly, but Brian ignored him.

“If you have something against the way I raise my daughter or the people I surround myself with, you are more than welcome to leave”, he said through gritted teeth.

“We just think, that it would be best for Keira to come to Milwaukee for a while. This city isn’t right for a young girl”, his mother said and Brian was just about to say something when Keira spoke up.

“I don’t want to come to Milwaukee. I like it here and I like Katya. She’s my friend.”

A wave of affection for his daughter hit Brian.

“Keira that decision isn’t up to you”, his mother said and Brian had to control himself to not yell.

“But it is up to me, and when Keira says she wants to stay, then Keira stays.”

“Brian.”

“Mum”, he said challengingly.

“You are on very thin ice here”, she warned and Brian couldn’t help but to laugh out loud.

“I am?”, he asked, “This is my flat. And I think it’s best that you leave now.”

“Are you throwing us out?”, his mother asked shocked and Brian stood up.

“Yes, I am. Are you honestly surprise by that? You come into my house, insult my daughter and my friend and basically tell me that I’m not a good father? I don’t need to hear that right now.”

His mother gasped for air.

“This is unbelievable”, she said and turned to her husband, “come on, we’re leaving.”

This was typically her, Brian thought. Making it look like she had made the decision to leave. But he wasn’t going to correct her, risking to start a new argument. He walked over to the door, opening it, and handed her her coat.

His parents left without another word.

He knocked on Katya’s door again, after he had put Keira to bed. After his parents had left he had talked to her, feeling bad that she had to witness the fight between her dad and her grandparents. But she seemed fine and not all too phased by it. She was mostly just excited for school on Monday to show Jacob and her other friends her new hair style.

He had called Kim to tell him how the unfortunate visit ended and to thank him for his help. Kim had asked if he needed Monday off but Brian had declined thankfully. He needed a distraction. And now he was back where it all started, standing in front of Katya’s door, hearing her shift behind it.

How’d it go?”, she asked as she opened her door but her face and voice already disclosed that she knew.

“Terribly”, Brian answered anyway and Katya opened the door more so he could come in. They sat next to each other on Katya’s couch.

“I had to throw them out”, he said after telling her the whole story, “They were acting unbelievable.”

“You stood up for yourself. And for Keira. That takes courage, especially if it’s your own parents.”

“I guess so”, he shrugged, “I’m just worried that they are going to take her anger of on Keira. They’re the only family she has.”

“She has you”, Katya interjected, “and she has Kim. And if you ever need any help, you know where to find me. A family doesn’t always need to be connected by blood.”

Brian smiled at her suggesting that she considered herself part of Keira’s family.

“You’re right”, he said.

“I always am”, she agreed and then her body was shaking with the laughter, Brian loved so much.

“What are we going to do?”, she asked after she calmed down.

“What do you mean?”, he asked but he knew what she meant.

“Us two”, she said and Brian noticed her hand twitching nervously. He took them in his.

“We can try this. If you want. Maybe we can go for dinner again? To another place, though, I don’t need your friends threatening to cut off my dick again.” Katya threw her head back and laughed, her hands still in Brian’s.

“Let’s try it”, she agreed, “and I’m sure we’ll find another restaurant. I’m always open to something new.”

[cashfowler]

♂ - … My muse’s father

⚥ - … My muse’s sibling hehehehehe

{tw: mentions of death, terminal illness, death, swearing, domestic malice/verbal accosts}

♂ - … My muse’s father

The small fingertips curled around his began to tremble, and Doug wanted nothing more than to hold them tighter, to siphon that fear away. But that wasn’t within his power, really – the only solution to quelling his youngest son’s fears would be to liquidate them, and that… That simply couldn’t be done. The doctors had exhausted their resources trying to salvage what remained, but going through dialysis again wasn’t an option. His veins had grown far too weak, and as a father, the last thing he wished was for his children and wife to watch him weakly waste away. Of course, this alternative wasn’t much better. But at least, this way, approaching his end within the comfort of their home, his family could find solace in knowing that he would pass accompanied by those he loved. Doug reached out with his free hand, lightly ruffling the hair atop his youngest’s head. He lips formed a warm, albeit tired, smile.

“You’re alright, kiddo,” he murmured, giving Caspian’s hand a tender squeeze. “You’re alright, don’t be sad.” It was a tall order and Doug knew that – the news had just been broken to his three children yesterday. Two weeks. One month, tops. Doug had always hoped he’d return home under lighter circumstances, but being able to see his children again outside hospital walls? It outweighed the heaviness in his heart knowing that these days may very well be his last.

“Dad.” It was a plea, Doug could tell. Dad, don’t leave. The five-year-old boy’s eyes were wide, brimmed with tears, and it took all his might not to succumb to the guilt of this. The guilt of letting go. His lips became puddy; he simply couldn’t answer. Dad, don’t die. What was he supposed to say to that? He couldn’t make promises his body couldn’t keep. 

“Yeah, kiddo?” He expected something shattering to follow. A you can’t leave me, or don’t go. Instead, Caspian moved forward and wrapped his small arms around him, buried his face against the crook of his father’s neck.

“Love you loads.”

Doug held his son tightly, as tightly as his weakened arms would allow, and pressed a lingering kiss to the crown of his head.

“Love you, too, kiddo. Fiercely. Forever.”

                             ~~               ~~                                     ~~               ~~

The day Caspian stopped answering to his given name was close to Doug’s last. He’d managed to stagger outside onto the front porch just before sunset, to admire one last time the streaks of magenta that flashed across the sky. His son had joined him just moments later, tiny feet pitter-pattering from behind until small arms latched around his right leg.

“You weren’t in your room,” the young boy whispered. He pressed his face against his father’s knee, squeezing his eyes shut. “I got scared.” Doug steadied himself against the railing, reaching with his other hand to card his fingers through his son’s fiery red hair.

“I just wanted to see the sky,” Doug comforted softly, turning his gaze again to the horizon.

“That’s… that’s what they do in the movies, Dad,” Caspian whispered, lifting his head. “Before they die.” And the observation was so innocent, so breathtakingly matter-of-fact, that Doug felt his eyes begin to water and his knees weaken. He slowly lowered himself onto the steps, gingerly sitting beside Caspian. Oh, how his bones ached – but this? This ached more.

“You’re such a smart boy, my Caspian,” he whispered, draping an arm around his son’s shoulders. “You know that? You make me so, so proud.” Doug took one of Caspian’s hands, intent to just hold it for while, but couldn’t look past the flash of silver painted on his son’s pinky. “What’s this? Noelle using you as her tester again?”

“Yeah,” Caspian nodded, smiling. “Noelle said… She said if I try really hard and do all my homework, she’ll even do all my fingers, too!” Doug let out a light chuckle, ignoring the way it pushed uncomfortably on his ribs.

“That’s great, son. Just make sure she does a good job. Only the best nails for my best boy, right?” 

There was so much more he wanted to say. How Caspian was so beautiful, so wonderful, the best son he could have ever hoped for. His eldest son, Clint, hadn’t exactly grown up to be an admirable teen, but Doug had no worries about his Caspian. He’d go far in life; he truly would, so long as he didn’t let anyone get in his way. Father and son sat in silence for several moments, comfortable just to share the same oxygen, the same flavor of existence.

“…Hey, Dad?” 

“Hm?” Doug looked down at Caspian, pulling him close. “What’s up, little guy?”

“I think… I think I wanna go by Cash. Everyone at school says it’s cool and I wanna be cool, like all of them. Like Bobby and Timmy… and… and Gabe. They all have nicknames, so I want one, too.” Caspian had been a family name, passed down from Janet’s father to their son. But it wasn’t his family heirloom and, quite honestly, Doug didn’t have the heart to leave the world knowing he hadn’t been able to make his son happy.

“Well, Cash,” he grinned, “I think you’re just as cool as all of them. Maybe even cooler.”

“Yeah?” Cash asked, eyes twinkling hopefully as he looked up at his father.

“Absolutely. My Cash,” he murmured, turning now to pull his son into a proper hug. Oh, he couldn’t be prouder.

⚥ - … My muse’s sibling

Something about his baby brother made Clint’s skin crawl. Their grandmother adored him, while she was still around, all because of his red hair and stupid grin. Just like my Doug, she’d whisper fondly, and peck the bugger’s forehead. Ugh. Clint didn’t have time for this bullshit – he’d much rather be at the skate park smoking up with his crew than sitting here at this pointless shitty reception. Who the hell celebrated lives, anyway? Everyone on this planet was inflicted with nothing but a finite, bleak existence. Inviting people back to their house to ‘celebrate his father’s life’ just seemed morbid on so many levels. Still, his grandmother brought over her token lemon bars, so Clint really couldn’t complain.

His fall from power started with Noelle. He was meant to love his little sister, cherish her, but Jesus freakin’ Christ. How much attention could one kid get?! First came the slew of photographs, the constant use of the camcorder to document her ever single move. Noelle giggled? Gotta catch that on film! She so much as farted? Well, golly fuckin’ gee, guess that was camera-worthy, too! And so Clint faded to the background, the forgotten kid. He’d run inside with a frog he’d just caught, or an insect he’d just pulled the eyes off of, but he was met with angry reprimands and a promptly ordered exit. No longer was Clint Fowler loved, so it was only fair – Clint Fowler stopped loving them.

And then when Caspian came along… It was like Noelle’s childhood but on fuckin’ steroids. How obsessed could a family get with a kid? And the red hair… The red hair just threw it all over the edge. Caspian was the prize-winner, the golden child, the kid his parents had been hoping for all along. Served their dad right when he got leukemia. After all those years ignoring him, Clint was surprised the guy upstairs didn’t come up with something worse. 

Not that he believed in a Heaven anyway. And even if he did, he wouldn’t want Doug to end up there anyway. He deserved to rot in the pits of hell for all the shit he’d put Clint through – and Clint made sure he knew that, before he went.

He’d caught his dad alone on his deathbed, a couple hours before it went down. He cast his father a farced smile as he entered, nudging the door shut behind him. What he didn’t know at the time was that Caspian was curled up on the floor beside his father’s bed, still asleep from his afternoon nap.

“Hey, Doug,” Clint greeted, sure to emphasize his refusal to refer to his father as such. Oh, the first-name trick. Always made Doug squirm. That’s why Clint loved it. “So, I heard your time’s comin’ up? What’re you betting? A day? Two?” Clint eased himself into the chair beside his father, smile only growing at the look of pain on his features. He knew he should be sparing with the cynicism – his father was on his dying bed, after all. But somehow… This was just fuckin’ hilarious. Oh, how the tables had turned. And while Doug wasn’t being ignored right now, but after he was gone, Clint would see to it that it would be as though his father never even lived here.

“Clint,” Doug mumbled. “I’m really not in the mood for this right now.”

“When will ya be, then?” he scoffed. “When ya bite the dust?”

Caspian stirred in his place on the other side of the room, but remained unnoticed by Clint.

“Look, you haven’t listened to me before. Ever. Noelle and Caspian took over your life, so let me make this clear to you. Crystal.” Clint narrowed his eyes, leaning in closer. He delivered every word in a saccharine tone. “You… have been the worst father to me. And y’know? I loved you and all, but jeez, Doug. Enough’s enough. Now’s the time. I won’t mind you if you just… poof.” He opened his hands up in mid-air, imitating a disappearing act. “Okay?”

“Clint –”

“Interrupting? Nice. Classy. Good to know there’s still some of that Doug goodness in there,” Clint jested, reaching forward to playfully punch his father’s shoulder. By the way Doug winced, it was safe to say he’d used a bit too much force for the motion to qualify as gentle. Ah, well. He’d done stupider things.

“Clint, you’re my son and I love you just as much –”

“Nope! Nope, no, you don’t! So don’t try to let bygones be bygones. I’m real excited for you, Doug. So excited. Because wherever you end up next, I want you to really sit with this. What you did. It’s kinda shitty, y’know? Tossing me aside for the prettier kids. I could’ve been great, too, but it was your genes that fucked that up, not mine.”

Doug spared a glance to the other side of the room, where Cash had now awoken. He moved to sit up straighter, letting out a pained sigh as he began to fold the sheets back. “Clint… Let’s… take this outside. Sound like a plan?”

Clint let out a laugh. Cackled. The sound made Doug close his eyes, grit his teeth. Cash, hidden on the far side of the room, did the same.

“Nah, I’m done. I just… y’know. Wanted to kindly wish you the worst.” Clint stood up to leave, hand hovering over the doorknob before he pivoted on his heels. “Actually. One more thing.”

Doug didn’t reply. He simply closed his eyes and let out a long breath.

“I hate you. All of you. And him. And I just want you to know that Caspian…”

“Cash,” Doug corrected tiredly.

“Whatever. He’s got hell to pay.” Clint exited the room with a huff, slamming the door shut behind him. Cash flinched, sniffling as he tried to continue a fake slumber.

“Cash… Cash, it’s okay,” his father called softly, pulling back the corner of the covers closest to his son. “C’mere, kiddo.” Cash complied, curling up under the sheets next to his father. As he burrowed into his father’s chest, Doug saw no reason to hide it any longer.

Tears slid down his cheeks in hot, wet streaks. He knew Clint would keep his word.

[troubledthoughtsfromahappywriter]

Chapter 1:Teen Spirit

A bright yellow school bus pulled into the high school campus, its doors folding open with a soft hiss. A few teens hopped out and began to talk amongst themselves, discussing homework and plans for the weekend. The last of the riders was an odd-looking boy who got off by himself. Instead of heading inside with the rest of the crowd, he slipped behind the building and leaned against the wall. Out of sight, he reached into his pockets to pull out a cigarette and lighter. It was a typical morning for him. After a smoke, the boy headed straight to the cafeteria, where he found his usual table. He took his headphones out of his bag, starting his favorite playlist as he put them on. The odd boy lay his head down and became absorbed in his music, ignoring the usual hustle and bustle of high school life. With the music blaring, he didn’t notice a lighter-skinned boy coming to stand across from him at the table. The newcomer was also wearing headphones, and carried a skateboard under his arm.

"Hey, Casey,” the new boy greeted him as he lifted his backpack onto the table. “Jesus Christ, did you hear the thunder last night? It was fucking loud!" He took off his headphones and sat down across from his friend, waiting for an answer. After a minute with no response, he impatiently slapped the other boy’s arm. "Yo, wake up. I'm talking here." The odd boy, Casey, looked up at him and smirked.

"Since when does your black ass get annoyed by loud noises, Tazz? I hear you over there listening to that shit full blast." Tazz rolled his eyes.

"Please, Casey, spare me.” He snorts and adds, “I'm fucking hungry."

"Did you see Liz yet?" Casey asks, clearly not interested in food at the moment. Tazz spins the wheel on his skateboard, frowning.

"No, but you need to stop stressing about her. If she doesn't want to see you, she doesn't have to." Casey put his head back down.

"She’s got something to tell me,” he said quietly. “Could be good, could be bad. You never know with her." They sat in silence until a third boy came to join them. He was pale and muscular, with a broad smile.

"Hey, Casey. Tazz."  He and Casey showed off their personal handshake.

"How's your mom?" Casey asked, now giving his full attention to the table. The third of the group, Donnie, answered him.

"She's doing fine. They're gonna keep her in the hospital a bit longer to make sure she's good to come home."

“That’s good,” Casey murmured, unsure of what to say next. Tazz decided to speak up for him.

"Thank God you got her there when you did. I know how much she means to you." Casey nodded in agreement.

"Thanks guys." He reached into his backpack and pulled out a bagel wrapped in foil.

"Got enough food for us too, Donnie?" Casey teased him.

"Fuck you." Donnie laughed as Tazz stood up.

"The cafe line is getting short. Let's go, Casey." Tazz and Casey left the table to get in line together. Donnie took a bite of his bagel as he took his phone out of his pocket.

---

"Are you sure we have time?" A girl’s voice asked softly amidst a make-out session.

"I'm sure of it. School doesn't start ‘til 9 and it’s only- "8:20." He brushed the girl's hair out of her face to look into her eyes. "You’re so beautiful Izzy." He moved his hand onto her lap.

"I don't feel beautiful." She muttered, looking away from him and out the window. He kissed her hand.

"Why not, baby?" He asked as he was moving his chair back. Izzy tied her hair into a bun.

"Because- he pauses, "Ethan." She moves her hands towards his crotch. "I get that you're busy working to take me out, but you rarely buy me anything without me asking." She starts unzipping his pants.

"I know, baby. Our one year anniversary is coming up in a couple of months. How about we go get a tattoo?" He proposed, hoping to please her. Izzy was not placated.

"Ethan, this is exactly what I'm talking about." She stops and sits in her seat. "You only want to get me one because I keep asking for one." She was upset and Ethan knew it. He zipped up his pants and started the car. After a few long minutes of silent driving, Ethan pulled into a Brunch N’ Munch.

"Two breakfast burritos, an orange juice and a mint frappe, extra whipped cream please." Ethan ordered the food as Izzy laced her fingers with his.

"I do love you, Ethan. Sometimes I just want you to spring something special on me. Instead of you going out with friends, you can take me somewhere nice." She kissed him and he kissed her back.

"$15.38." The cashier said as he handed them their food. Ethan dug into his pockets for the cash.

---

Donnie raised his hand. The teacher, Mr. White, saw him, but continued to lecture as though he hadn’t. Exasperated, he began to wave his hand back and forth until he was finally recognized.

"Yes, Donnie?" Mr. White called on him, annoyed.

"Can I use the restroom?" The teacher rubbed a hand across his face. He was used to Donnie asking only arbitrary questions.

"Fine. Make it quick." Donnie got up and quickly left the room. Another boy caught up with him in the hall. Donnie knew the boy’s name, Joey, but hardly spoke with him. Word gets around in high school, however, and Donnie was always being picked out by people who hardly knew him, just so they could give him unwanted condolences.

"Donnie man!" Joey called, following him into the restroom. Donnie ignored him until they were at the urinals, when he spoke again. "I heard about your mom, man. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I've been getting that all day." Joey zipped up his pants and walked over to the sink.

"I hope she gets better." He washed his hands and left. Donnie felt a buzz in his pocket.

---

"Why do you have to leave, Donnie?" The school office worker asked, hesitant to let him go.

"My mom is in the hospital, and my-" Donnie hesitated, conflicted with his thoughts. The incessant clicking of the office keyboards was starting to get on his nerves. "You know what, never mind. I'll just be on to class." The woman gave him an odd look, but dismissed him with a nod. Donnie left quickly.

---

"Donnie, where are you going?" Casey called out, chasing after him as he was leaving school. He had been waiting for Donnie’s last class to be over. "We were supposed to go see a movie. We've been planning this for a while." Casey grabbed Donnie's arm but he pulled away.

"I can't make it. My sister-" Donnie shook his head and kept walking, not finishing his thoughts aloud. Casey watched him go, baffled by his friend’s sudden departure. He met up with their group of friends a while later in the school yard.

"Is he coming?" His friend Ethan asked. He was holding a pretty girl in front of him, rubbing her sides as she swayed in his arms. Casey pulled some cigarettes out of his pocket before answering.

"Something came up." He offered the pack to Ethan’s girlfriend, Izzy, the only other person who smoked in the group.

"Thanks." She put a cigarette in her mouth and Casey slipped the pack away.

"He didn't really say what, but-"

"It's fine man. Shit happens,” Ethan interrupts. Casey took a drag, glancing once more in the direction where Donnie disappeared.

---

"Mom, I'm home!" Casey called into the house, dropping his keys on the table. No one answered him.

"Hello, somebody?" More silence as he wandered into the living room. He noticed the bathroom door open and the fluorescent light on.

"They’re not here," a voice finally answered him from inside. A girl came out into the living room, wearing nothing but a robe and panties.

"Where did they go?" Casey asked, walking past her to the fridge to get a pitcher of ice.

"My dad had to go into work,” she explained. The girl started to head up the stairs. "I'll be in my room."

"Put some clothes on!" Casey called up after her.

---

Donnie sat in the hospital cafeteria by himself, his phone pressed firmly to his ear.

"Why aren't you here?" He asked concernedly into the receiver.

"I had to work all damn day, Donnie. I can't make it into Buffalo the day after a big case," a soft but exasperated voice replied to him.

"Lauren, please. Mom could be dying, and I feel like I’m losing Dad because of it." The line went silent for what felt like an eternity.

"I'll see what I can do. I have to go, I’m in a meeting." She hung up before Donnie could respond, leaving him to his despairing thoughts. He put his head in his hands, dreading to hear more bad news about his mother.

---

"Why'd you leave us yesterday, man?" Tazz asked Donnie as he reached over to take his biscuit. They were in the school cafeteria at their usual table together. Donnie had been secretly avoiding his friends until lunchtime, when he decided they would start asking questions if he didn’t show.

Donnie watched his biscuit as it was whisked away and disappeared in Tazz’s mouth. "Oh, I- wanted to see how my mom was doing." He looked to Casey for affirmation, but the other boy gave him a skeptical look.

"Why'd you mention your sister? Is she coming to town to visit?" Tazz asked, sounding hopeful.  Donnie punched his arm, playfully appalled by his friend’s interest in his sister.

"No, she just started some huge case. She doesn't have a free day." He ate a spoonful of vegetables and stood up suddenly, the sound of his chair squealing away getting the attention of his friends. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I’m not really feeling well today." Ethan glanced at the clock.

"It's a fucking Friday afternoon. You can't stay for one more hour?" Donnie shook his head.

"Not feeling well,” he repeated absentmindedly. Ethan gave him an odd look.

"Yeah, you said that. Feel better, man." The boys at the table looked on in silence as Donnie left the cafeteria.

---

"Baby," Izzy crooned, coming up behind Ethan at his locker.

"Yes, sugar?" Ethan queried, rummaging through his locker for his bag and a science book.

"Can you take me to the store before work? I need to pick up a new candle for my collection." He turned around and kissed her forehead.

"I would, but I have to leave right now or I'll be late. I'll take you tomorrow, okay lovebug?" Izzy’s playful tone evaporated.

"Oh. Alright." She frowned.

"Are you okay, Iz?" Izzy just shook her head and walked away as Tazz approached.

"What’s her problem?" Tazz asked, nodding in Izzy’s direction. He leaned up against the locker next to Ethan's and popped open a bag of chips.

"I don't know. Yesterday she was talking about not feeling beautiful, and about me not buying her any gifts. Today she wanted me to take her to get a candle." Ethan slammed his locker shut. "I gotta go man, can you do me a favor?" Tazz hums in compliance as he drops a chip in his mouth. "Can you talk to her and see what’s up?" He crunches loudly.

“Sure,” Tazz mumbles, trying not to spit crumbs everywhere.  The two fist bump and go their separate ways.

The night sky was especially dark. Tazz had shut off his car motor outside of Izzy’s house, wondering how he was going to ask her a simple question for the sake of his friend. Ethan was stocking shelves at his job, eyeing the couples that wandered in and out of the store. He caught himself scowling at an especially affectionate pair, passing loving glances and generally appearing to be a perfect match. Casey sat outside his home, with a lighter in one hand and a pact bong in the other. His troubled thoughts continued to ravage his mind. On the other side of the wall, his step-sister was touching herself to a picture. Izzy was staring intently at herself in the mirror, admiring how she looked with all of her hair held back to one side. She was desperate for a change. Donnie finally stepped onto his porch after a long day. The smell of weed and vomit assaulted his nostrils as soon as he opened the door. His father was on the couch, a drunken mess and lost without his wife.