#and i got so sick i almost died | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mausarchive · 1 year

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bedtime and im thinking about moomins. endocrinologist tomorrow ☠️

#txt #my tsh was good but i don't like going to see her #she's convinced when i almost died last year it was from me not taking my medicine #we swapped to synthroid so i could try it #my grandma wanted to 'see if it was better' even though that's not how it works and she convinced my mom anyway not important #but the synthroid was either expired or ineffective for me #and i got so sick i almost died #but she will harp about it a little every time i see her now and it's annoying

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lightningzbolt · 2 months

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Awsten Knight Hair (Two different files)

I started with showing Red & Black first as it's the latest but I made 17 swatches. I think I covered every significant color, skipping most Greatest Hits hairs as those are a pain okay, I am but a single person with GIMP. I did do the scene hair but I would like to some day do it on another mesh. I sorted and organized all my pictures of Awsten, over 400 btw, by hair color, to help me figure out the best examples of each, and to figure out which ones were just faded versions of the others, a few swatches are 'faded' colors, and which looked distinct enough to make swatches for. Green seems most consistent, I have the most pics of blue. Greatest Hits tricolor and red & black are my favorites. The blue is the first color that shows up on the swatches so the thumbnail shows blue hair to make finding it easy. I tried to mimic that the two distinct reds were not exactly the same. I've gotten way too fucking good at telling when a picture came from even if the color is gone from it. None of these are what hair my Awsten Sim normally has tho.

This is. I made this a couple years ago and never changed it from most outfits as it just makes him stand out and it took hours to make, I wanted to get the most out of it. Just one swatch here. Both of these are base game mesh recolors, so nothing else is needed. Standalone files. Also I went out of my way to grab werewolfy poses and emotions because I think it's adorable, okay. He's the least intimidating werewolf, but still my favorite. Forgive Jack's face and body and everything being in frame a lot I am playing as him.

Hair 1

Hair 2

#sims 4 #sims 4 cc #the sims 4 #ts4 cc #the sims cc #ts4 #sims 4 cas #ts4 cas #cas #awsten knight #waterparks #hair #sims 4 hair #I got sick of Alex so I swapped to play as Jack so I could use him for jewellery stuff as I felt that pack fits Spellcaster aesthetics #But his apartment has no room for that shit so I set it up at his parents' house and they are a pain but they are spellcasters too #Anyway finding rocks is harder than I thought but I made a lot of jewellery for Awsten because LUNAR hahaha werewolf #But when visiting Awsten the first time also hoping he'd bite Jack from a new mod I got #Jack is dumb and he kept playing with Awsten's pet rat instead and LONG STORY SHORT he got himself bit by the dumb rat #Got sick and had like no fucking money and no quick way to earn it so I kept pickpocketing random sims to get some #Just enough that he could get the antidote and NOT DIE he almost fucking died #I tried messing with his bitchy neighbor when he was contagious but yeah other stuff happened with her instead #Anyway he is now barred from playing with rats as he is too dumb to live #Yeah I made hair for Awsten but I have nothing to say about him as a Sim #He's a dog that's all there is to it #Okay that is his house tho i built it when the Werewolves pack was new and I got him moved away from an apartment into Moonwood Mill #And got him turned into a werewolf #He has 7 cats btw #I made green hair for him first way back when before all that but this is a new version of it #I'm not a big fan of the purple

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earlgreybocchan · 2 months

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#seriously seriously one of the most beautiful pieces of music i have ever heard #i feel so conflicted thinking about this but i was always afraid to get more into shinee because of jonghyun #i remember the exact day he died when i was in high school and i remember feeling slammed with the news even though he was just guy from...#...clue + note to me and as i have gotten more into kpop in the past few years i have been there for all of shinee's comebacks from don't...#...call me on and i always kept them at a distance bc even though i thought they seemed so cool i was worried to get into them and always...#...feel like someone was missing. and now that my little sister has gotten so into them i have too #and it does feel like someone is missing all of the time and we watch so much content of jonghyun together that sometimes it hits me all...#...over again how unreal and bad it is that he isn't in the world with us anymore #i am so sad too thinking about how i almost didn't hear some of the most beautiful music out of the fear of grieving him #one of the most beautiful voices and i click with his words so so much #like he's my friend and i almost never got to know him :( and that thought it so much worse than the worry of having to miss him :(#it also makes me sick bc if it would have changed anything for him at all. he's still making so many people happy. he's still there for me.#i don't get this emotional every time i listen to him but sometimes it all hits me #music #Spotify

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jrwiyuri · 5 months

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Guys I’m emotionally devastated by suckening ep 4 is anyone out here? Can anybody hear me?

#jrwi spoilers #||#I was thinking about his death and then I was thinking about when he first got turned and god #it’s so sick condi is sick in the head #emizel has always willingly just put himself in danger and refused to give up #he would have died the day he turned yknow? he would have fucking died. and he almost did #if it wasn’t for him biting that vampire back he would have died #and now he’s back in another dangerous situation refusing to back down and this time he DID FUCKING DIE #I’m gonna be sick #how many times do you think emizel has had people worry that he wouldn’t make it back #how do you think soda is gonna feel knowing that he’s really not coming back tonight. or any night. that it’s over #how does Arthur feel? he took responsibility for him explicitly he * told * him that things were going to go down why why didn’t he listen?#should he have told him more?#and shilo.. he didn’t even know he had a brother and now he doesn’t even get to know him? was what he said a joke? a lie? what if it wasn’t #what is he supposed to do what is anybody supposed to do #WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO MAN???

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tittyinfinity · 6 months

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I've got enough followers and have been gaining them steadily enough to where I think I might put an "about me" link on my blog

#.bdo #I've been putting myself out there more often and being louder and more confident about my opinions #which means I'm fighting past my fear of social rejection a bit better #but my perfectionism/ocd is my biggest enemy #if I make any small mistake ever I won't stop thinking about it on a loop for days/months/years/decades #i can't let anyone perceive me wrong ever or they might think I'm a stupid irredeemable person #so I worry about that #I just realized that my seroquel muscle relaxers and anxiety medication all just kicked in on top of be being stoned af and I've just been #in these fuckin tags for a minute dude #who wants to hear a story #the first time I saw the ocean was behind the trump towers in sunny isles miami and then i immediately got so sick i almost died #about me: i don't receive child support because my babydaddy ran off to LA to become famous #and then ended up in prison for beating someone up with a skateboard #I need to go to sleep but I will fight these meds to keep myself awake i had a busy day and I want my chill time

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mutalune · 4 months

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love going on the “hi yeah I haven’t even looked at my inbox/messages for months sorry sorry sorry it’s nothing personal my life’s just been in shambles and I’m starting to pick it back up even though I know I’m gonna drop all the pieces at least 3 more times before the year’s over” shame tour I’mma make t-shirts later for it

#starlight personal #gonna be actually answering the questions in my inbox #planning to post the notes for tmagr since I’m probs never gonna finish it #and I’m making 0 promises to have any kind of consistent online presence #b/c I’ve learned it’s best for my mental health to delete these apps when I’m approaching crisis mode #so I’ll just be like the fun uncle who shows up to holidays with a six pack of nonalcoholic beer;#chats about whatever #slides you a $20 #and disappears for the next 2 years #tbf 2023 was a horrible year okay it was so bad #some of it included; I almost got a grippy sock vacation twice #i tried a few new meds and they all sucked and i went through Literal Drug Withdrawal to the point i was sick for a month and lost 30lbs #i started ketamine treatment and experienced ego death twice!!!! horrifying!!!!!#i got my manager fired #i got my coworker fired #everyone else on the team quit and j was the last one left #my cat died and it was the worst thing that ever happened and it still hurts so bad #the person i thought would be a forever best friend was just. not there for me. and b/c i was struggling and not putting in 150% effort #the friendship just. died. and we live 5 min away from each other yet she’s out of my life forever #it’s for the best but that’s a different kinda grief man #ANYWAY I HAD A TERRIBLE YEAR #2024 is off to a somewhat better start but I’m keeping expectations low #first ketamine appt of the year was. brutal. and tough. and it’s been over a week and I still feel raw #everyone who knows about ketamine: it helps you process emotions and trauma and brings those things to the surface so u can work on them #me when it brings trauma to the surface and makes me feel my feelings: this is HORRIBLE what the FUCK my entire innards are exposed and raw #I forgot how easy it is to babble in the tags like this it doesn’t feel real since I doubt anyone will read all of this lmao #god I’d kill for some weed rn BUT HAHA YEAH ANKTJER SHITTY PART LF 2023 I GOTTA CUT BACK ON WEED #can’t even have one bad coping skill like come on

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freakurodani · 13 days

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im sicky 😔

but im being responsible and not doing a repeat of last year so i am going to be the doctor today

#can you believe its 8 days from the anniversary of when i first got so sick i almost died?????#conspiracy lvl: text

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light-lanterne · 6 months

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ahoy ! guess who almost died today x.x

#⚰️#🧸#w // violence #went for groceries to a not-so-nice area and walked by some people doing shady business in an alley #i didn't really look at them and nothing happened so i just kept walking and made it to the next block before the shots began #(probably a deal went wrong or a rival showing up or whatever. idk)#anyway. i hid in the nearby library with the idea of leaving soon and that's when some random lady pointed out i was bleeding on my arm #it's just a very superficial graze and it hurts a lot but it's not even bleeding anymore #but yeah. almost got shot and / or died buying cookies for my sick brother (and other stuff of course)#so that's how my day went... how about you lads ?#(i'm fine btw. currently buried under soft blankies and with four plushies. it is over 5 am though. and i have to wake up at 7:30 x.x )

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zincbot · 1 year

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dnd was cancelled tonight so i played a solo game of You Died

HIGHLY recommend. it was incredibly fun. I've always wanted to play dark souls, but my slow reaction time and lack of hand-eye-coordination held me back. I now feel like I have that experience.

#you died #ttrpg #solo ttrpg #i Gotta play more solo ttrpgs this was fun as hell #i wanna talk abt my build a little cause i love it so much #i was basically using the rotwood hammer from act 1 almost the whole time. i upgraded it to also give me +1 int.#i attacked with int practically always btw #i went on odella's story path so my int got hella hella boosted #i ended up rolling like 4 dice every time i attacked by act 3 #i used my shards to p much exclusively boost int and vitality. but i got an encounter in act 3 that gave me +1 dice until returning to camp #so my dodge chance basically doubled for the last act it was sick

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jvzebel-x · 8 months

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🦋

#so i got a message from my sister telling me something rather tragic had happened in our family #on my mom's side. one of my aunties passed away&my little sister let me know.#she also let me know that my mother is taking it really hard&shed probably really like to hear from me.#&its weird bc any sadness i felt about my aunty dying almost completely evaporated upon it becoming a way to guilt me #into talking to my mother-- like i was not almost dead for a long LONG time&she was actively disowning me bc i wasnt sick the right way #after a lifetime of refusing to believe i was sick AT ALL which directly lead to developing cancer she screamed at me in public #that i was lying about before pretending to drive off a cliff&then refusing to pick up her phone until she called me an hour later #after i had been calling not just her but anyone in our family who could possibly check on her to tell me that i never loved her #&i wouldnt have cared if she died&it would have been my fault.#so like. i dont really give a fuck if shes taking a death in the family poorly? like i dont actually fucking care that this-- like literally #everything else-- needs to center my mother's bad feelings. i just fucking dont lmao.#&im really fucking pissed off that i now have to feel like shit bc i dont feel like i properly feel bad #about my family member dying bc IT BECAME ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER IMMEDIATELY.#i do not fucking UNDERSTAND.#i cannot even put into words how this all makes me feel lmao. why. literally fucking why.#the cherry on top? my aunty died of gastric issues. you know. the family curse that i def didnt get so i got to work thru it all #while being called a liar. you know the type of illness that almost killed ME. that might STILL kill me.#but yeah my mom is sad so i should call&make sure to hold her hand like i always fucking did lets just forget an entire lifetime #&esp the last five years thatll be totally cool.#a tragedy happened in the family so fuck all MY tragedies actually i guess.

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solarismp3 · 5 months

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2023 was a good year. It was the year of love. I finally fell for someone like fr ahahaha. I also learned who I am and who I want to be. I kinda set my priorities straight it has been pretty great

#txt #i god sad so many time!!!! and I got soo sick so many times too I almost died of sickness like 2 times #but I survived because of love

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morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy · 9 months

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I have a migraine 🤪

#incoming vent sorry about it #¯\_(ツ)_/¯#life sucks and im so over all this shit #it's literally been the what like year from hell #so my mom almost died this time last year and there's been all kinds of fun ptsd like symptoms from that and then my dog died and then #everyone got covid and then i got a sinus infection because i can't do anything normal #now last week i was thinking about what i need to talk to my doctor about and I'm thinking about my symptoms and mom's like that sounds like #lupus which is what my mom has and now I've been so super stress sick and I'm just trying to chill and relax and my estranged family member #is trying to work their way back into our lives and throwing a fit cause we won't let them because they've threatened and tried to kill us #all on multiple occasions and i know the threats are going to start up again and I'm worried that this time they're serious #i know this is either going to go one of two ways and they're going to try to kill us or themselves and i just i don't know #i don't know what to do about it because we don't have any proof of these threats written down because they've all been verbal #my family doesn't really know what to do either but i know the getting a gun conversation is going to come up again #and then I'm going to have to outwardly admit that I'm not stable enough for that shit and then everyone's going to freak the fuck out and #ughhh god i just can't deal with this shit anymore it's all bad and it all fucking sucks ass #oh and I'm trying to give up for the day and go to bed so I'm looking for YouTube videos to keep my mind busy and someone i follow #is having to live post that they're trying to keep their friend from committing suicide because the friend turned it into a public thing and #the yt is trying to reassure everyone and it's just all too much #I'm too on edge I'm too triggered or whatever i don't know what the fuck to do anymore i just want to go to bed and sleep until everything #is magically better. also i have three publishers breathing down my neck for this book but i haven't been able to write in months because of #all of this shit and then i had the bright idea of starting a writing blog i have NO CONTENT for and just FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #i just want to go be a fucking snap under the ocean im done fuck all of this being a human fucking sucks and I'm exhausted #oh and also my brother for randomly offered a job I've been trying to get for fucking years so ✌🏽😁✌🏽 that's also doing great things for #me i am super proud of him though cause he's working his fucking ass off i hope he takes it cause if not i will punt him into the sun #but anyway I've had it officially! so good night tumblr stay classy #izzy speaks but i really shouldn't

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bo0zey · 2 years

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i’m a plague to everyone’s life i ever come in contact with

#selfish stupid girl selfish stupid girl #ruin every friendship you have nobody loves you or cares anymore they never really did why would they #everyone knew all along u were never something worth caring for.#i’m a plague i need to be eradicated everything about me is poisonous and venomous #all i do is hurt people even if i never intended to i still always do it to everyone im so tired of being me #’m so tired of being an awful person. i say i want to love and care about people but i can’t do it right #i say i love everyone in my life more than they love me but maybe it’s not true because you don’t hurt the people you love #i wish it was 5 years later and i could die already im so sick of myself i’m a plague to my own life #ngl almost passing out at riot fest kinda opened my eyes more to death #after the bouts of nausea and dyspnea and everything suddenly got soft and fuzzy and far away #all i could feel was empty space around me buzzing softly my body felt so light #i closed my eyes and saw purple and blue stage lights flashing and blurring above me. i felt like i was high the world was so far away #it was just me and i couldn’t support this airy weak body i felt like licorice i wobbled i think #it felt like hours time was so still and then the colors disappeared and all i saw was fuzzy black faded television screen #then i opened my eyes and saw security directly in front of me reaching towards me and then blinked and it was black again #opened my eyes and realized i was being pulled over the barrier #i was still in a hazy state but it slowly lifted enough for me to feel shame again and be able to walk myself to the medical tent #i wish security hadn’t pulled me out. i wish i could’ve died then . those seconds that felt like hours thst felt like i was dying.#there was no pain or nausea anymore. no gasping for air. i felt like an angel #i’m so sleepy i’m going to sleep now i guess #can barely keep my eyes open it feels so good to check out of existence #ramblings

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casuellenjoyer · 6 months

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yeah focalor’s sacrifice is almost nothing compared to what furina had to go through

#yeah sure ig she dies at the end but idk #thinking about what furina went through for 500 years got me sick tbh #i know they supposed to complete each other but LIKE FURINA MON AMOURRRRR YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS #i love and care for her so much almost as much as neuvi #me talk

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aragornsrockcollection · 1 year

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#so a month ago I had three cats who I loved dearly #then almost a month ago one of them died #utterly devastating but expected #he’d been fighting heart disease as long as I’d known him #and he was not a spring chicken #well a week and a half later my other cat got sick #not my 18 year old #but my five year old #and she just passed away #not a month after the first #I had three cats a month ago and now I have one #I’m crushed #utterly crushed #so I’ll either not post for a while or do an absolute manic dive into my special interest #and post a ton #not sure which way my psyche is going to swing yet

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spade-club · 1 year

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Reminding myself that I did all of my goals I had for this year. Even if some of them turned out to be mistakes, I've come a long way in the past half a year especially, and even if I am currently struggling with the weight of it all right now, these achievements are nothing to ignore or take value away from.

#anyway considering quitting my new job because I almost died for it already and I cant handle all of the all of it.#I had to call out sick today and I got told off and a manager basically said he thought I was lying because I didnt want to work there.#it felt so bad and I just.... ugh #its just all so overwhelming #like. I'm incredibly sick right now. dealing with a whole cheating scandal going on. Christmas was hard as fuck. this new job is overwhelm #I just... cant handle it all.#plus my old job never gave me my last paycheck so I have to deal with that #and I am trying so hard to get in contact with this new therapist guy but I keep just not having time to set things up.#im overwhelmed. so much.#the one good thing I have going for me is my friends and even then I'm starting to feel like a burden on them for struggling so much #idk! its just a lot!#but hey. I didnt kill myself this year! and instead I have been living a life and thats not nothing #checked *kiss a second person* off my list. yeah they were also kissing many people I didnt know about including their girlfriend but ! yk #things happen haha (im devistated)#and I checked off *get a job* and *leave the state I was living in* and *start driving*#and two of those are still going well!#mostly I mean. I do still kinda hate driving and have almost killed myself on accident twice #but really the point is im trying lots of new things and figuring out what works and what doesnt!#im not just living but im alive and thats all that needs to matter #the pain of all of this is the proof im alive and I can still feel. I just am convincing myself thats a good thing

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