#and i know that meme is expired now....i was too late

[barfemoji]

💀💀💀

[tacitusauxilium]

@infinitexmuses sent: “this is the only time i’ll condone having ice cream for breakfast.” (From Futaba) // from a meme ask long ago

She chuckled, relieved that Futaba was perfectly fine with trying something...so random that if the members of the Shadow Operatives saw Fuuka putting ice cream on top of waffles, they would probably think she was ill. But, Fuuka could have sworn this was perfectly fine. And it DID look delicious.

"Good--because the ice cream was going to expire in two days and I saw a small case of freezer burnt in it." She stated, knowing that vanilla ice cream would be delicious with chocolate chip waffles. Fuuka put a fingertip to her chin and tapped it a few times. "Though, would this be too much sugar for you? Maybe I should have done plain waffles?" Fuuka whispered to herself. The idea was slowly backing up in her mind, wondering if she should have just whipped cream instead... ...but, too late to go back now.

"Why not give it a shot? I could make more if it's a success!"

[sohelish]

A STUDY IN  ⸻   𝙷𝙾𝚆 squishy 𝚁𝚄𝙽S 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙱𝙻𝙾𝙶 .

stolen from: @fasciinating

tagging: you, if you want to but I also personally think this is interesting?

𝚂𝙿𝙴𝙴𝙳  

slow, with outbursts of nobody asked for this as stated in my pinned post xD sometimes I'm deceptively prolific. then, I know what to write, don’t know how to phrase it. then there are moments when I know how to write things but forget where I was going with the idea))) of course, the standard issue where I’m focused on real life more than the writing exists)

𝚁𝙴𝙿𝙻𝙸𝙴𝚂  

I try to write shorter stuff these days but I tend to get carried away and before you know it, bam, you get a huge reply. I like being descriptive? and my character is a shady bastard. the more you get, the more informed you are. I don’t expect you to match length or reply speed. you do you. maybe just keep in mind to give me something to work with cause that’ll make it easier for both of us. lately I’m trying to reply to that which I have more vivid ideas/mood for. it seems to work best.

𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚂  

I haven’t plotted or done starter calls in ages... I’ve been thinking I should. the problem being, my muse is the sorta person who needs a reason for everything. like, she sets goals and achieves them? every darn time because of this selfish asshole I have to come up with a purpose and an explanation as to why she’s hanging out somewhere and what she is doing/planning/scheming. if she isn’t profiting from a plot she’s like meeeeh. it’s fun but also it exhausts me a great deal. starters are hard due to this. meanwhile memes and my open posts? easy. go figure.

𝙸𝙽𝙱𝙾𝚇  

memes. love the memes. there’s no expiration date on them, you can go through my tag and send them in if you’re bored or something. (just specify if it’s a symbol one?) you can reblob a meme you like and be all: hey, squish’ send me some of that! I find it easy to respond to them. I think that the more memes we exchange the quicker we learn about each other’s muses/styles/if we even work writing together. that’s my experience though. three interactions+ and my muse is already a bit “friendlier” and more acquainted with yours even if we didn’t turn it into a thread. I used to respond to default asks but now I tag in new posts because the inbox irritated me when I couldn’t ctrl+a the text for whatever reason... I’m not gonna like... drag a mouse over it or pick at the text blocks separately, nope xD

𝚂𝙴𝙻𝙴𝙲𝚃𝙸𝚅𝙸𝚃𝚈  

errr... I’m not even mutuals only tbh? and to this day I don’t know what selective really means? like... we either have similar interests or we don’t. yup, I do choose who I follow/unfollow. I have preferences and tastes. I can see if you do ship plots predominantly or your muse is all sweet, kind, romantic and is looking for the ultimate hand-holding friendly experience that my helena is not going to provide then why bother... but at the same time? if you ever decide you want to write wild adventurous crime/sci-fi/fantasy stuff with a muse who jokes a lot in tough situations, we’re here for you :) if you’re 90% fluff but decide to go more story-driven and feel like my muse and I are it, then \ o / hiii

𝚆𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙻𝙸𝚂𝚃  

I have a plotting tag that I’ve started filling up lately. but I think my open posts at times are more creative/insightful/telling as to what my character is all about. they are always open but you can take inspiration from them too? basically any idea that crosses this blog is up for discussion/implementation. if you see something that inspires you? let’s try it.

𝙷𝙾𝙽𝙴𝚂𝚃 𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙴

let’s do things. start a million threads, never finish them, send each other all the memes. whatever floats our boats. if it doesn’t work out, it’s ok too. this is about fun and exploration, eh? my communication skills were never that great but I’m ready to work on all and any of them. let’s talk... let’s wing it... my d.iscord is up there in the pinned post, add me if you like. my mood might make me come off as over-enthusiastic one day and less so the other (that’s cause the written word doesn’t show you that I may be simply tired/distracted or sad irl.)

I guess if I’m absolutely honest, I should be writing a book about hel’s sci-fi detective adventures, not rping, but shhhh shhh... one day maybe. one day.

[thiscrimsonsoul]

"I'm in love with you." (Sorry I know this is like a week late on this meme)

(It’s quite alright! Memes on my blogs don’t have expiration dates. ^_^ Below the cut because I let my inspiration run wild and it got super long, heh.)

Wanda had to turn and look at Steve. She needed to see his expression because... she was almost certain she’d heard him wrong, but... no. Not with the way he was looking at her. “You... you are?” Nervousness filled her. How real was this? It wasn’t that she thought he was lying or playing games with her, but she’d seen a woman in the nightmare she’d invoked in Steve’s mind before she became his ally. She’d gotten the name... Peggy.

She’d gleaned such sorrow and regret surrounding his feelings for her at the time. That and love. The aesthetics of the dream were from a bygone era, and so Wanda assumed that the woman was no longer living, but was he still in love with this Peggy? Was Steve just sad and lonely and maybe not thinking clearly right now, given the stress they had all been under from going on the run after he’d rescued her and others from the Raft? Wanda didn’t think it was her place to ask or assume, but that left her feeling uncertain. Did her nightmare stir up feelings for someone he lost and now he was looking to fill that void with someone else? How ironic would that be... if her own tactic had plunged her into this awkward situation?

That this other woman seemed to live rent free in Steve’s head was something Wanda had reminded herself of often since those days, every time she felt herself developing a crush on him, to remind her that he probably was not and would never be interested in her. It had kept her from saying or doing anything stupid around him during her time in the Avengers training compound. At least for the little over a year she’d been permitted to stay there. before she became a fugitive of the United States.

And then there were the simple facts that he was Captain America and she was an immigrant, not that she was sure she’d ever be able to go back to the U.S. at this point. Would that... be a problem? Not to him, she knew. He wasn’t that kind of person. But he was a symbol for his country, one that until nearly a year ago she had grossly misunderstood. Wanda refused to believe that he wouldn’t be reinstated at some point, even after everything that had happened. The U.S. would be stupid not to, in her opinion. Would his government and his fans have a problem with him having feelings for someone who wasn’t even an American citizen for a full year yet? Wanda had become a citizen with the help of Stark fast-tracking the process for her despite their pointed differences and grudges - him helping her seemed like a distant memory now -  but she hadn’t been one for long. Would his fans or employers take offense to that? She didn’t want to become a problem for Steve. Goodness knows he had enough problems to deal with right now.

Wanda knew she had a crush on Steve, but was it love? She was attracted to him, sure. He was a good-looking guy, and the honorable way about him and his gentleness off the battlefield were definitely things that drew her in. But it was more than that. Steve made her feel safe at a time in her life when everything seemed to be spiraling out of control. Her brother was gone, her home was gone, she’d been in a strange country surrounded by people who used to be her enemies, trying to find her way through the thick, unrelenting heaviness of grief. Even over a year later, the battle of Sokovia and that dark, cold, sickening, and sinking feeling she’d felt when Pietro died were still as potent and near to her in her mind as if they had happened yesterday.

And yet, through it all, Steve had been there to check on her, to push her to take care of herself, to offer advice, and to help train her when she felt up to it. There had been so many long conversations on the training grounds or in her room, late-night tea breaks in the kitchen when she couldn’t sleep, glances stolen during important meetings when she just needed his reassuring gaze to ground her for a moment, and reassuring hands held or placed on her shoulder or back. Steve had also been the one to make sure Pietro’s body was recovered, allowing for a proper burial. That... had meant the world to her, and she never forgot it.

Then... he rescued her from the Raft... To be fair he’d intended that day to rescue far more people than just her, but even so, drugged, restrained, suffering from a debilitating allergy to sedatives, and feeling hopeless, Wanda’s tortured mind had latched onto him the moment he entered her cell. After being catatonic for so long, the memory of being carried by him, of his warmth and encouraging words to her, was etched onto her brain like a brand. Remembering that feeling had gotten her through the very rough days of illness and trauma recovery to follow. She remembered his concern as she lay in bed, sick as a dog, while the group of newly minted fugitives decided where to go, what to do. He’d let her stay with him at her request after the group split up to avoid detection. He’d been so kind and understanding and sweet and- 

Oh gods... this is way more than a crush. The realization hit her as she stared at him, afraid of saying the wrong thing at what could be a pivotal moment. But with all her insecurities, worries, anxieties, and suppositions, Wanda thought the best thing to do was to be honest with him. That’s all he’d ever been with her.

“I... I’m in love with you too,” she admitted, the verbal expression of her feelings making her heart flutter in a nervous but not necessarily bad way. She’d never dated anyone, never had a boyfriend. She’d never even been kissed. Apprehensions emerging from her traumatic background and an overprotective brother had seen to that. The closest she had come was Vision, but... after he sided with Tony and allowed her to be sent to the Raft, Wanda knew she couldn’t be with him. She thought... that maybe she would just be alone. But now... Wanda found herself wanting more out of life. Maybe... it was time to step out of her comfort zone and try to live a little more...? If being imprisoned and losing so many loved ones had taught her anything, it was that life was much too short. “So... what now?” she asked shyly, a smile lingering on her lips as her cheeks began to turn pink.

[tsukidotcom]

Haikyuu HC to COVID-19 (Karasuno edition)

This is horrible 💀 im just so bored so I made whatever this mess is KFJSJDMSK enjoy

Hinata Shouyou

huh? isn’t it just the flu?

“No, hinata. People have died from it-“

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-

goes bananas

whenever someone sneezes or coughs, his soul leaves his body as he runs away to sanitize/wash his hands for a miserably long time.

eats an expired can of peaches thinking it’s his last resort

lowkey happy school is closed because homework sucks

but also highkey hates it because now all volleyball tournaments are closed

then gets all angry when he realizes he’d have to do online school???!!?? like wtf he got jipped.

thinks they could still do volleyball if they did online calls cus if the school can do it,, then vOLLEYBALL CAN

will probably miss half of the class calls from oversleeping/forgetting anyway.

sheepishly ask yamaguchi, yachi or tsukishima for help on assignments/notes. (he will NEVA ask kageyama. he’s always in competition with him here!)

still practices volleyball 24/7 in his backyard or room (maybe even with his baby sister??)

He’s really good at practicing all by himself from practicing all alone in middle school—

but will probably go crazy being alone all the time with his family. he just wants to play volleyball with the team again.

looks up “what to do when you’re bored” or “what to do at home while in quarantine” on youtube

Kageyama Tobio

probably says he’s immune to the corona because he’s just better than everyone else

doesn’t really think it’s real until school shut down because of it

When he sees that corona is airborne he wont know what that means so he’d probably think it’s produced by air itself?? which makes him think air is trying to kill the human race?? and will be so confused as to why it decided to pop up now???

DESPISES online school. He had enough trouble understanding it from the gecko, so now he has to learn it basically all by hiMSELF?!?

And no way is he just gona email the teacher for help. If he does it’s gonna be only once in his lifetime. Anymore than that he thinks he’s doin too much. He doesn’t want his teachers thinking he’s dumb 😭

he says literally nothing during the calls he just tries to pay attention? and fails because he’s on a computer. in his room. alone. he’s bound to daze off or stare at a pen for 5 minutes.

Obvi still practices volleyball. Very much misses it. At least Hinata had his sibling to practice with him. tobio is a lone wolf in his household.

When his mom goes out to get groceries he gives her one of those doctor masks so she doesn’t catch corona.

Few moments later through the internet he realizes that corona is smaller than air molecules so if you can breathe through something you could still get it so he struggles for an hour thinking he just killed his mother

When his mom is back he keeps his distance in case she’s carrying the plague

omg did she just cough or am i imagining things no she definitely coughed she has corona oh oh god

In reality she was just clearing her throat.

is lowkey worrying about everyone and how they are 🥺 (yes, maybe even hinata).

thinks he’s science smart by calling it covid-19 than corona.

Asahi Azumane

He just worries about everyones health

like he just imagines the worst case scenario’s and starts to get really worried if people got it. Always checks on everyone and asks if they’re feeling any symptoms of corona ❤️

He’s either not gonna get it or he gets it and dies there’s no inbetween

but he’s jesus himself so theres no way he nor anyone in his bloodline can get it

is very happy to know that dogs can’t get it.

Takes online school seriously and tries his best

And is honestly so sad school just ended??? even if it’s temporary, he could be learning, playing volleyball, and going about his day instead of staying in a cage. he’s a third year so—how would graduation even go..?

always is up to date on the news !! and notifies everyone if anything important is added/changed.

Always tells everyone to stay safe! Whether through text or before ending a call.

only buys a lot of toilet paper from the fear of there being no toilet paper in stock since evERYONE IS BUYING IT-

Starts to try new hobbies that he put off for the longest time cus quarentine is rlly getting to him.

Is all out a family guy so he doesn’t mind the extra time with his family.

Nishinoya Yu

OAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOAOA

420 blazin’

thinks going outside means you’re instantly gonna die from corona attacking your white blood cells (????)

but also probably doesnt care as he goes outside like everyday to run around and get rid of energy (and to practice volleyball, of course).

also why is it called white blood cells when blood is red ☠️ smh

Buys 101611018320129 bags of chips because that’s his comfort food

yay more gaming time!!!

Noya🐒: Tanaka do u wana play minecraft 2getr latr?

Tanaka🍌: HELL YEAH!!

doesn’t shower for three days straight because screw personal hygiene!! No more school!!! Can do whatever he wanted!! It’s basically summer!!!

until he’s forced to do online school.

Is def the class clown. Probably somehow kicks the teacher out of the call through a little bit of hacking.

“alright guys so i’ll be you’re substitute teacher for the day-“

tbh acts the same as he would in school. maybe a little more rebellious because, i mean, what is the teacher gonna do? send him to DETENTION? call his mOMMY?

Calls/spams literally everyone in his contacts because he���s so bored and lonely. Answer him!! Y’all will be on facetime for hours!!

He’s fun to facetime.

Will call you a loser if you don’t have an apple iPhone because then he can’t facetime you and facetiming is one of his favorite things to do to pass time (besides gaming)

HE A TRUE GAMER

Okay but he lowkey still tries at school for the sake of his grades and his future ;-; maybe calls asahi or sugawara for help??

always looks up his homework on the internet to see if he can get an answer key or something (he did that anyway even before corona but)

will do one subject for 3 hours thinking he’s finally done with everythinf till he realizes he has like 4 other subjects and needs to do those too.

Sending memes all the time

Tsukishima Kei

oh, what about corona again?

honestly could give NO fucks??. like ABSOLUTELY ZERO. nonxistent.

doesn’t even remember it’s still happening half the time.

is surprisingly very knowledgeable about corona.

he’s just smart and sciency¿ so he understands the ins and outs of corona like how it works and how its spread.

so if you tRULY want any update or background info on the corona virius, ask Tsukishima.

bitch don’t touch me you have rabies.

doesn’t care that he’s obligated to stay at home because he would have stayed either way. he very much likes being alone.

might go a little crazy cooped up in his room so he’ll hang with his brother/family or go outside before he says ‘okay that’s enough’ and goes back to his room.

isolation? oh okay *puts on headphones*

he rlly gonna be rocking it out in his room cus he can listen to music all day any day

developes a really bad sleep schedule since he had no way to get rid of the energy he got rid of at school.

still a huge tease so he says everyone has the corona virius.

is never online on social media which means he’s never up to date with his frIENDS. Doesn’t have a clue what those dipshits are doing and could care less (besides yamaguchi,, they probably facetime or call thru skype or something).

I bet the whole volleyball squad has a groupchat and honestly he puts all notifs on mute cus his phone keep goin DING DING DING DI DING ID DID IDKNG DING DIG

Brother: Omg why are you getting so many text messages?

Tsukki: Shut up

if he is online on the gc and he texts it would be simple replies like “Hi” “Okay.” “No.” “Goodbye.” and then he’s gone for another week

every first year is begging on their knees for tsukishima to give the answers or help them out and he obviously says: go do the hw yourselves idiots

besides yamaguchi!!!! again!! cus theyre gay for each other

maybe practices once in awhile with his brother or alone in his backyard but he doesn’t care

Tanaka Ryuunosuke

buys 101817 pounds of toilet paper because everyone else is? but not because of the same reason as asahi. he thinks toilet paper is the cure to corona.

GO STUPID AAAAAAAAA GO CRAZY AAAAAAAAAAA-

probably has a part time job at a grocery store so he still has to go to work 😭 i dont even know how he could have a job in the first place he’s probably always late-

still gamin with noya of course

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM IM PLAYING MINECRAFTT

also buys like all the junk food thats in stock. and since he works at the grocery store he gets a ton of coupons and deals.

texts Kiyoko everyday goodmorning ❤️❤️❤️ and goodnight 😘😘 texts just to be left on read.

“i love it when she ignores me !!!”

scrolls through tiktoks for 1000 hours to pass time

School Is For Losers!!

similar to noya, he thought it was basicaly summer until he realized they were gonna be doing online school. literally had a fit and said he didnt wanna do jack squAt

Laughs so hard when nishinoya somehow kicks the teacher out of the call he’s like laughing so loud and hard he starts crying

all of the sudden has a better view on school

gets excited when he sees nishinoya on the call

makes funny and ugly ass faces when the teacher isn’t looking. everyone laughs and the teacher’s like 🤨

probably uses the green screen effect so he can change hus background (somehow) and accidentally misclicks a file so a girl wit a bikini becomes his background for .5 seconds before changing it to a cursed meme:

doesn’t get half the shit the teacher is talking about

but it’s okay because the half he doesn’t get is the other half noya gets

and the half noya doesnt get is the orher half tanaka gets

they’re two peas in a pod 🥰

until they try explaining it to each other and suddenly get confused?? mental malfunction ¿?

yeah im SMART!!!

s -

m -

a -

r - penis

t -

Daichi Sawamura

quite calm about the whole coronavirus

like he knows it is serious and understands how it is spread but he’s still calm about it??

tells everyone to sanitize and wash hands on a regular. and social distancing!!

honestly still wakes up like he does on normal school days and does all his academics just fine.

he even does gym activities (besides volleyball) for 30 minutes to an hour!!!! he be running on that treadmil! getting stronk!

does each subject on his own for 20-40 min each day. he’s really good at self discipline

makes sure sugawara and asahi are up to date on school work and will gladly help.

sadly can’t help the first years (and probably second years) because that info is deep in his brain and basically forgot how to do it after a year or two of not using it.

VERY VERY VERY sad that volleyball nationals are cut off. this is his last year and for it to be??? gone??? just because of some flu?!?! hates it.

he wishes school to go back and still has hope that school will go back to normal in a couple of weeks (even though it’s a slim chance).

asks the teacher questions whenever he has questions. He’s also vv considerate so he’ll ask questions he knows the answer to but asks them for anyone who’s confused ab it/wants to ask but is too shy. (literally i lov daichi sm)

Eats a healthy amount of everything

asks asahi for any updates on corona even though he’s quite up to date himself. he just wanna make sure he didn’t miss anything.

also doesn’t mind being around his family. he’ll do more chores around the house to help his parents out :> he’s literally perfect wtf

def does worry about everyone in the volleyball gc and anyone else he has contact with. Will also email classmates and ask if they’re doing all right. Even away from volleyball he’s a team player ☺️✌️

Is happy for the rest of the day when asahi tells him dogs can’t get corona.

Yamaguchi Tadashi

oaoaiquqhdkoaiaagadjsiwi?

doesn’t know what to believe anymore

keeps in touch with everyone!! always online 24/7 on social media, vball gc, you name it.

Literally everyone is acting so normal why are people so calm am i the only one worrying about this and the worlds future like this year has been really bad so far for not just me but the whole nation actually the entire world honestly like war almost broke out in january and now this corona stuff is really buttering my crissont the wrong way-

Even though tsukishima literally gives No Fucks, yamaguchi is the complete opposite.

like tsukki and yamaguchi call on skype and eVERY TIME yamaguchi starts with ‘how have you been? do you feel sick at all? have you drank enough water today?’ and so on

“What are you even worrying about?”

“Well...what if you get the corona virius?... it can be deadly, you know!! Thousands of people have died from it!!! The fact school is shutting down and people are panicking is making me feel like i should be panicking-“

Tsukki will then snarkily reassure him it’s fine and people their age are the least likely to get it bad.

Yamaguchi will feel a little better afterwords

“Thank you, Tsukki!”

Tsukki will ‘tch’ it off

Even though he gets really good grades he has triuble finding motivation to do any school work?? doing school work in his own home? 😐

His home was kinda a place he can chill whereas school is a place he can be fully focused

but now his home is ALSO school??!!?

Luckily he understands the work, at least.

When he sees tsukishima on the call, too, he instantly says hello.

“Tsukki!! Hey!! 😁”

“Shut up.”

“Gomen, Tsukki.”

Yeah. Even when they aren’t at school, he’s still the same as always.

He takes extra care of his family and always stays in touch with other relatives. Especially grandpa and grandma. THE SECOND he learned elderly people are at more risk you bet your ass he’s calling them making sure they’re okay. He checks up on them everyday now.

He peobably practices volleyball a little, too. He’s more focused on schoolwork though.

Sugawara Koushi

Have you guys ate dinner yet? 🥺

obviously checking up on everyone

he would fail as a mother if he didn’t.

Actually reads in his free time?? He finally has time on his hands to read these books so.... here we are!

Wakes up at a scheduled time everyday (minus weekends. Maybe sleeps for an extra hour or so).

He dresses in pjs rather than actual clothes because he’s not going anywhere with this social distancing thing.

Always tries to lighten the mood when all the students are on the online call. Maybe crack some joke or innocently play around with the effects.

He still pays close attention in class and does quite well on his own. No help from his parents! He can do everything on his own! He a big boi!

Does homework really well, too. Probably does extra work or more work than needed just because it makes him feel good afterwords.

Honestly i can see him cooking in his free time. If he doesnt feel like reading or scrolling mindlessly through his phone, he gonna cook.

Will make the best cookies in the universe.

HAS A HECK OF A SWEET TOOTH. NOT A DAY GOES BY WITHOUT HIM GETTING HIS PRETTY HANDS ON SUM TREAT

Honestly isn’t too good with exercise so he might gain a few pounds or grow the smallest chub 🥺🥺🥺 he would be so cute omfg.

is realy involved with his family!! they play a board/card game every friday night and have the best time.

if he has a dog, cat, or literally any animal you know he’s gona be hanging with them since he has more time.

Still! Playing! Volleyball! I mean by now every boy is practicing at least a little bit. He would probably be in his backyard playing volleyball with his family. Theyy’d set up a net and everythin! They’re all rookies at it but he still cherishes the moments with them.

It’s honestly still practice. Better than nothing

He talks about how his family plays volleyball and everyone is so jealous like 😭😭 makes him more grateful hearing half the volleyball team saying they have to practice alone.

Watching youtube videos of random videos/vines making him giggling.

“Hey, Dachi, look at this video.”

IS A SWEETHEART STFU !!!

[motherofoliver]

Lost on You (Chapter 1)

(AO3)

Summary: After over a year on a roller coaster ride, Kaneki leaves prison and attempts to make amends for his mistakes.

Word Count: 2,118

*****

“Here are your things. You may exit through that door.” The guard slid Kaneki his things through a small opening in the glass and pointed towards the metal door leading to the outside world. He put on his jacket, bloodstains still on it.

That’s gonna be a bitch to dry clean.

After checking his wallet, Kaneki pushed the metal door open and walked outside to find a vintage red Mustang with a familiar face standing besides it.

“Where’s Touka?”

“I missed you too, buddy. Please try to contain your excitement at seeing me.” Hide chuckled as he came up closer and embraced the dark-haired man. It took a while for Kaneki to hug him back. He wasn’t sure when the last time he was held by anyone was. Definitely over a month. Maybe over three months. Not since T…

“You smell like shit.” Hide wrinkled his nose and stepped back while comically waving his hand.

“Yeah, prison can do that to you.” Kaneki made his way to the front seat of the car and leaned it back.

“Did they make you shower with expired chicken stock?” Hide got into the driver’s seat and turned on the ignition. Pop music blared from the radio as he reversed the car and sped onto the main street. “My place is closer than yours, we’ll stop there so you can shower and have a change of clothes.”

“Just take me home.” Kaneki sounded exhausted. He slid down his seat and placed his arm over his eyes.

“No can do. Akira wants to see you.”

Kaneki groaned. “I just got out. I can’t attend a work meeting right now.”

“Hey man, it’s the least you could do. She busted her ass to get you out.” Hide sounded playful but Kaneki knew him well enough to know there was a tinge of reproach in his voice. Akira must have pulled a lot of strings she did not want to pull. The familiar wave of guilt washed over him and his throat tightened.

“Will Touka be there?” And would she speak to me if she was?

“I don’t know, I think she’s been busy with a new client.”  Hide was tapping his fingers against the wheel with the music but Kaneki could feel his eyes glancing at him with concern. “I thought guys got buff in jail, how did you manage to get thinner?” Hide tried to cheer up the atmosphere by teasing him but his mind was already elsewhere.

“Yeah, well, prison food tastes like shit.” Kaneki replied absentmindedly. He couldn’t actually remember what prison food tasted like or if he even ate it. He couldn’t remember much of anything besides the thoughts that kept a watchful rotation in his head like a music worm you can’t hum your way out of.

“Don’t worry about that. Tonight I’ll take you out for the best meal of your life. It’ll be a mukbang of all your favorite foods. Gotta celebrate you surviving prison.”

Kaneki didn’t react. He was already humming his tune.

***

Breaking news! Our favorite hot mess, Ken Kaneki, is out of prison after only serving one month of his prison sentence! Insider sources tell us a deal was mediated with the prosecution and the actor was released on parole this morning! We contacted his agency for a statement on the release of the famous one eyed dragon but they have yet to reach out. Do you think he got off easy? Share your thoughts with us on our social media at…

Akira closed her browser tab and took a deep sigh. She could already feel a headache forming behind her eyes and she was positive it will get worse within the next few hours. She pressed her intercom button “Hairu, could you please get me some water and Paracetamol before Kaneki gets here?”

“Yes, ma’am” The reply was quick and Akira immediately heard the sound of Hairu leaving her desk to the communal office area.

How will we spin this one?

Throughout the last year, working as Kaneki’s publicist meant she has had to bend over backwards and use every trick up her sleeve to maintain a modicum of a career for him. Paying exuberant amounts of money to cover up his drug use, settlements, bribes, killing stories and videos of his repeated arrests, convincing prostitutes not to post photos of him snorting cocaine off them on their Instagram, negotiating with producers and directors to keep him on their movies even though he’s consistently 6 hours late to set and doesn’t even know his lines.

It’s just a phase; he’s going through a difficult time.

Or so she kept telling herself as he punched and kicked and snorted his way through the five stages of grief. It took less than 3 months to change his reputation from the ‘wholesome child star who made it’ into a violent drug addict who couldn’t stay sober for a five minutes morning statement of apology. His childhood portraits turned into snarky memes on social media mocking his downward spiral. Tabloids competed to come up with the most outrageous story of the day about him, and they didn’t have to work too hard to find them.

Hairu knocked at the door. Akira nodded for her to enter. She placed a sheet of pills and a water bottle on her desk then moved out. Akira interrupted her at the door “Is Touka in the office today?”

“No, ma’am. She went to Italy yesterday for the photoshoot.”

Thank God. “Thank you, Hairu.” At least that will be one less outburst to deal with today. Hairu nodded and closed the door behind her.

Kaneki would definitely make a scene if Touka was around. He has managed to botch every interaction they had ever since they broke up and Touka has been through enough last few months. There was no need to add the burden of handling Kaneki just yet.

Speak of the devil.

Akira’s phone lit up with a message from Hide: “Just dropped Kaneki off. He’s all yours.”

Akira took a deep breath and reached for the pills.

***

Kaneki felt every eye in the hall on him. He had hoped his entry would be inconspicuous but looking at his reflection in the elevator, he realized he may have overdone it a bit with the black. He looked like a modern day rendition of the grim reaper if he wanted to start a goth band. Kaneki clicked the 14th floor button, Creative Celebrity Globe.

What a dumb fucking name.

Unconsciously, Kaneki started tapping his foot. He wasn’t sure what to expect with Akira but he doubted it will be anything good. But that wasn’t the thing making him nervous.

What if Touka is in her office? I should go say hi. Right? She wouldn’t mind that. It’s only being civil.

The elevator doors opened and Kaneki instinctually went to the right, room 1407. The door was locked and the lights were out. He looked inside and Touka’s bag wasn’t on the table by the window. Music wasn’t playing on her computer. His eyes searched for the bunny calendar he got her but it wasn’t on the wall next to the desk. Kaneki felt a pit in his stomach at the thought she might have thrown it away.

“Kaneki! Glad to have you back.” Akira’s voice snapped Kaneki out of his thoughts. Akira gestured towards her office with a formal smile on her face. The dark circles around her eyes had deepened since the last time she visited him in prison. She followed him as he made his way into her office and closed the door behind them.

“I’m sure you didn’t want to come here today but we need to discuss our plan from now on.” Akira said matter-of-factly as she pulled a few folders from her drawer. “There will be a shit storm next couple of weeks so it’s best if you lay low. That means no social media, no going out, no smoking, no alcohol, no drugs, no midnight visits from attentive women, alright?”

Kaneki rolled his eyes. “Why not just tie me to a chair and be done with it?”

“Will that be necessary?” Akira’s glare was hard. Kaneki wanted to glare back but he felt too ashamed to try it.

Akira continued. “After that, I have set some volunteer activities for you to join. We’ll leak photos after you prove your presence with the other volunteers. If we feel the time is right, Hairu will start posting on your social media to begin rehabilitating your image and …”

“Isn’t it best if Touka does that?” Kaneki interrupted. “She is more familiar with my personal brand.”

Akira’s look would have been almost condescending if not for the pity. “You don’t have a personal brand left, and Touka no longer works on your team.” Akira said slowly, as if she was talking to a child. “Hairu is more than competent enough for this task.”

Kaneki’s foot started tapping aggressively but he didn’t say anything.

“If all goes right, we might be able to get you a role on a Netflix show set to start production in 6 months. I’m personal friends with the director and he would be willing to hire you as a favor for me.” Akira placed her fists beneath her chin. “That is if you get your act together.”

“What if I don’t want to do that?” Kaneki asked defiantly. He had been feeling like a puppet steered by the people around him for the last month and he wasn’t looking forward to being that puppet for the next six months.

“Don’t want what? To get your act together?” Akira’s eyebrow rose. “I’m afraid that’s implied in your parole.” She leaned back in her chair with crossed hands.

“No, I mean acting. I mean this whole life. Can’t I just retire now? I’ve done my time.” Kaneki was getting antsy in his seat. The room felt as it was getting smaller. Akira’s voice was becoming distant. His foot was basically shaking now instead of tapping. He wanted to go back to Touka’s office and look for the calendar. She wouldn’t have thrown it away.

“With whose money do you plan to do that?” Akira’s question was like a jolt of electricity.

“What do you mean whose money? Mine of course!” Kaneki’s voice rose on the last word.

“Would that be the money you spent on drugs? Or travels? Or lawyers? Or settlements?” Akira dropped one of the folders in front of him. “You still have fees and settlements worth millions to pay. You can’t afford to retire unless you’re willing to go back to jail for much longer than you were sentenced.” Akira opened the folder and pointed to a signature line. “That’s why I need you to sign here. We’re selling your apartment.”

Akira’s voice grew distant again. Kaneki’s choices for the last year fell crashing on him and his breath stopped in his chest. “I can’t do that.” He managed to croak out.

He really couldn’t. That apartment was the first thing he ever bought with his money. He bought it for himself and Touka. He decorated it with Touka. That apartment was where they spent their first night together. Even after they broke up, he didn’t let any other woman in there. That place was his and Touka’s, together. Selling it would mean letting go of that final thread holding them together.

“You have to, Kaneki.” Akira’s tone was sympathetic but firm. “You could be sued if you don’t pay some of those fees and your royalties right now won’t cut it. People are still mad at you and won’t show your movies or buy them.”

“Isn’t there any work I can do right now? I’ll do anything.” Kaneki was quietly pleading. “Can’t I take money from the trust fund?”

“No, Arima was very clear in his will that you cannot access that till you’re 30. I already asked the lawyers.” Akira felt a hitch in her throat at the mention of Arima, and looking at Kaneki, she could tell he felt the same.

Kaneki’s tone became stern “I’ll have to think about this before I sign.” He stood up. “Where are my keys?” He extended his hand.

“You won’t be staying at your place. Too many photographers.” She handed him the folder. “You’ll stay at Hide’s place till you finish the Netflix production.”

Kaneki snatched the folder from Akira’s hand and walked outside. He couldn’t hide the anger in his step. He pressed the elevator’s button as if it offended him personally. He took another look at the document inside the folder before throwing the whole thing in the trash.

[warmau]

commission: medical school!au ren  other nuest x medical school!aus: jonghyun | minhyun 

specialty: ren is doing his residency in medical toxicology 

got nicknamed the living “expectations versus reality” meme

because most of the new residents have this exception when they see ren:

unapproachable, handsome, diligent doctor who takes everything seriously and would be the heart throbbing protective type

when in reality he’s a goofball

and a weird goofball at that

like jonghyun will come down to his floor looking to hand samples over and ren will press up against the glass of the lab

making funny faces and mocking jonghyun by not opening up the lab safety door

and some other poor resident will walk by and be like ,,,,, huh??!?!

and jonghyun will just sigh and be like this is what i’ve dealt with for like four years now

has a zoning out quirk

literally can stare at his microscope for like three minutes without blinking 

and then just be like 

oh! right! i gotta look at these blood cells! 

gets way to passionate about toxins and mutations and really just anything that’s funky in medical science

pulls a tiny chemical table out of his wallet that he’s had since high school and will be like “if these two interact and you consume them you will literally DIE but it’ll be like slow and painful and let me describe it to you in detail -”

minhyun, crying: please stop i dont want to know

aron sipping on his hospital cafeteria orange juice: do tell more 

goes ham during the hospital’s halloween celebrations - put a whole wig on and the professors were like ......... speechless

but no one actually asked him to take it off 

actually someone started a twitter thread about the ‘hauntingly handsome long haired doctor’ and it went viral

and when jonghyun showed it to ren 

he just shrugged and was like 

“it’s what i deserve”

jonghyun: “the amount of confidence you have is ,,,,,, wild ,,, mildly irritating ,,,,,,, but well deserved”

ren: uwu 

but no jonghyun and ren’s friendship is actually very sweet no matter how much ren can press his nerves

jonghyun always finds him on the three seconds of free time they have to make sure he’s eating and sleeping 

because residency is tough, especially in such a small field like toxicology 

where there are only a couple of other students specializing in it

but they have to do work for a whole hospital

ren getting all cutely sleepy while working in the lab, so he starts humming the tune to some popular idol song and dancing around

and the other residents are like plEASE be careful you are holding LITERAL toxic waste in that beaker 

and ren is like can’t hear you over the sound of seventeen’s adore u 

got casted on his way to the hospital 

he had just got a double shot of espresso because wooo 14 hours in the hospital lab coming up 

and was just trying to get in on time (because let’s be real,,,,he’s quite fashionably late most of the time)

when someone chased him down the street just to be like

“are you interested in joining the entertainment industry?”

and ren had blinked and been like 

“.,,,,,,like ,,,,, an actor?”

and they were like yes or an idol or model

and ren had laughed so hard he spilled some of that espresso because he thought they HAD to be scamming him

(they weren’t)

joked about it with other residents like LOL can you believe i would never fall for it

but all the residents and even the professors had to agree that like ,,,, ren,,,,, you look the part,,,,, maybe it was legit

ren: well too bad im in med school debt now so i dont need anymore on my back

you’re a new resident, a fresh face that’s doing your best in the dentistry department 

you are absolutely unprepared for the amount of stress that comes with starting a residency

it’s not that you’re lacking a work ethic or anything - you’re just ,,,, shocked by the fact that your personal time has dropped to zero

you live in the hospital

and as helpful as professors try to be - any small mistake is treated harshly 

and older students are way too busy with their own problems to help you with any of yours

at first you just try to keep positive, telling yourself over and over that everyone else is struggling too - and you just have to powerhouse through it

but then you look around and it honestly seems like ,,,,, no one is having a hard time except you

it’s ostracizing, and you hate to admit that on several occasions you’ve found yourself crying in the lab after most other residents have gone

making crown molds and trying to hold back tears isn’t ,,,, how you thought you’d spend time in med school

but it is how you end up meeting ren

one of your biggest mistakes is mixing up the toxicology lab with the dentistry lab 

because they’re on the same floor and both have nearly identical room numbers

so when you’d first started out you’d end up walking into the middle of the lab

while everyone is wearing literal hazmat suits and you’d be like 

ok

this is definitely NOT where i should be 

sometimes the other students would give you nasty looks, sometimes they’d just ignore you

but there was always open person who found it hilarious 

ren’s laugh echoing through the lab everytime

he gets into this habit too - when he sees you in the halls of the hospital or in the canteen

he plops his hand down on your shoulder and goes 

“this isn’t the dentistry lab”

he’s older and has been a resident for longer so you really can’t say anything back

even though it embarrasses you beyond belief 

but at the same time you know he isn’t being ,,,, meanspirited or anything it’s just,,,,

you know you’re being silly and making mistakes mayBE if he didn’t amplify it to the entire hospiTAL that would be better

“you’re so lucky though!!”

some of the other students whine, saying that they could only wish to have some sort of interaction with ren

whose supposedly studious and serious about his work

the picture perfect doctor, handsome and smart

but when he doubles over in giggles at your shocked face outside of the wrong lab again

you get a completely different read on him

anyway - you and ren don’t cross paths all that much 

dentistry is far from medical toxicology and so it’s only on rare occurrences that you really have to deal with his playful teasing

until one night you find yourself alone in the dentistry lab 

you’re not really working on anything - you’re supposed to be but the week has been overly stressful

you’ve had at most five hours of sleep combined over the span of the last couple of days

and you recently lost your phone in one of the wards so contacting your parents or best friend to vent wasn’t an option

you take off your white lab coat, crouching down behind one of the tables as you tuck your head into your hands

it’s past three in the morning, the hospital is still working but it’s the ER for the most part and most residents aren’t getting here till later

you have this silent moment to yourself

where everything sort of just hits you

and you can’t help but feel the tears well up in the corners of your eyes

don’t be pathetic, everyone is going through this with you

you try to tell yourself but those words don’t bring much comfort - they just make it hurt more

“oh - is this the wrong lab?”

you suddenly look up, nervous that one of your fellow residents - or even worse - a professor has found you

but in the dim light coming in from the hall you see the outline of someone in their doctors coat

but when your eyes adjust you see that it’s ren

“w-what do you mean, this is the dent-”

he sort of scans your face and you can tell he’s taking in the fact that you’ve been crying

it makes you feel small and you quickly wipe at your face and try to think of something to ease the sudden awkward tension 

“i - i was just getting all tired and started to-”

you want to excuse

but ren tilts his head, hands stuffed in his coat pockets

“im going to be honest, im not very good at handling people when they’re crying - but if it’s ok with you ill try.”

you blink, sort of speechless

“i - um, ok?”

ren gives you a little nod and then brings his hand up to tap his chin

“i can do an impression of professor kim to make you laugh?”

it’s bewildering - but you think ren is actually ,,,,, serious

like he’s actually trying to cheer you up

you give a tiny nod and he makes a bad replica of the professors gruff voice

but just his facial expressions and the sheer absurdness of that voice coming from that pretty of a face

makes you sort of hiccup into a giggle

pleased to see some positive reaction, ren does another impression of one of the nurses downstairs and then the security guard everyone knows from the pediatrics ward

you laugh so much, you realize the tears are coming back but this time because he’s being so silly

and you don’t notice how the ends of his lips twitch into a relieved smile when you tell him to stop it already

“i don’t know why you were upset - but im happy to see you smiling again.”

he says and you kind of shyly thank him for lifting your mood

when he puts his hand out and motions for you to take it

you sort of stare and feel the skin on your cheeks flare up

“come with me, ill treat you in the cafeteria. the auntie there always put aside the best desserts for me and you can have them this time.”

you shift, not sure what to do

but ren just motions again

“this is a one time offer - it’ll expire in three, two, o-”

you put your hand in his, nervously at first - but then ren squeezes it and pulls you to walk behind him

you guys get a couple of stares from the night shift people, but no one really notices or cares

you end up having ren buy you way more sweets than you can finish 

and then having to run off halfway through because someone says they need him upstairs

but before he goes he gives your hair a bit of a ruffle

“it’s hard, but i like you - so don’t be sad. and if you want to be sad, find me and ill make it better.”

the words make something bloom in your chest - a sort of warmth you haven’t felt in a long time 

and when you bump into jonghyun a couple of days later he asks how you and ren’s first date went

you shake your head, explaining in fumbled words that it wasn’t anything like that

but then you feel an arm wrap around you and look up to see ren’s smiling side profile

“it was a fun date, but ill take them on a better one next time.”

dating med student!ren is a roller coaster. im not kidding. you had knew there was more under his model like exterior, but you didn’t know he was THIS goofy and THIS weird until you start dating - but it’s totally fine because you find yourself loving it. you love the funny faces he makes as he passes you in the halls, the way he can jump from being totally uninterested in something to suddenly sparking up with excitement and clinging onto your hand as he begs you to tell him more. you like that he’ll break out into little dances right after you agree to kiss him in the storage room or how he’ll give you new nickname everytime he sees you (this ranges from ‘my sweet sugarplum fairy’ to ‘fellow human who i enjoy locking lips with’). jonghyun on several occasions has had to pull you aside and ask if you want him to,,,,,ask ren to control himself better in the hospital and you’re just like he’s fine! but then during a lecture one of the professors had even went to say “feel free to use the lab when your resident hours are done - but NOT for anything except dentistry, you know who im talking to” (you and ren once got caught kinda,,,,,you know ,,,, being close in the lab - everyone turned to look at you and you were just like hmm i have no clue). it amazes you just how knowledgeable ren is though, how he can be all sleepy cuddling into your arms when you get the small chance to be alone together in his apartment and you’ll think he’s about to knock out with his head on your chest but then he’ll be like “wait - did i tell you about this strain of modified dna i looked at yesterday which was infected with a virus from south africa?” and you’re like wh- weren’t you just asleep. he shares his apartment with baekho, who is another resident and everytime you leave ren’s room in the morning to get some coffee or something baekho does this thing where he lets out a whistle and goes “REN MY MAN WOOO” and you’re like STOP and ren from his room goes “I KNOOOOOW”. handsome, serious, and extremely polite prince ren? yeah no try handsome, mischievous and extremely affectionate puppy ren. during one of the holiday parties thrown by all the residents of the dentistry department, ren showed up a couple of minutes late and still in his scrubs and you were like “babe?” and he was like “listen you look gorgeous, no one beats you, when i have a minute - i will peel those cloths right-” “REN” “right right i have to do an emergency lab test so i can’t stay but please kiss me and ill go” you do it but you also whisper that he could have just texted you and he’s like but then i’d miss this stunning view (of you in the fancy outfit) and you’re like no ill just show you back home and he’s like WHEW now don’t get me excited before i have to handle toxic chemicals! your boyfriends going to be a doctor but before he’s a doctor he’s a dork. muses about taking you out on dates when he FINALLY graduates and you’re like noooo you’re going to work so hard even after and he’s like yes but im also going to splurge on you and make up for all the time med school drained out of us. oh you know he’s a cuddle monster - you know he’d just backhug you and give you kisses behind the ear and just want to touch you every second of everyday but it’s a hospital so he cant and he’s always like :( because of it. three hundred texts from him like ‘when are you free? do you have five minute break? can i pleaaaaase have a hug’ and then like you’ll get a selfie of him edited with hearts to be like ‘how can you resist me - the handsomest man and your boyfriend COME GET THIS KISS’. he might be weird and wacky, but he’s caring and deep down he really is that protective princely boyfriend - like literally almost threw acid in some guys face when they had the audacity to make a comment about you - his significant other - right in front of his face. loves when you play with his hair before kissing him, but even more he loves when you try to act like you don’t want his kisses so you keep scrunching up your nose and he’s like pursing his lips like cmon pleaaaaase and you finally give in and he gets all giddy. you and jonghyun bond over try to make sure ren doesn’t get himself hurt because he would totally be the guy who’d think propelling himself down the hall on an IV stand is fun. ren knows you struggle with the workload sometimes and he might not pull out the impressions and funny faces, because now he knows how to comfort you even better - keep you close to his chest, let you know how much you’ve already accomplished, and also - get you downstairs to the cafeteria where the aunt pulls out those desserts she hordes for you two and you get to share them in the hospital garden (and share kisses too). oh also you end up coming by the toxicology lab more often - not because you mistake it anymore, you’re past that - but because when you do ren (if he can) will drop what he’s doing and rush over and it’s so funny and endearing to see him have to take off his ten protective layers just to come out and give you a peck on the nose ,,,,, like boy is in love with you beyond belief - and you’re in love with him too.

[ilusionis]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: vinn (or ila, for close friends)     Age: 22       Contact: IM, discord

Character(s) I rp: aizen sosuke on here, askin nakk ke vaar (@ levaer) and lille barro (@ firstritter, sideblog) Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): all of them actually. Current Fandom(s): bleach. Fandom(s) you have an AU for:  none. i’ve been debating about making a modern au but i wouldn’t be sure what to explore in it. within the context of bleach, though, i’m very interested in developing a bunch of AUs. My language(s): i’m only confident in writing in italian or english.  Themes I’m interested in for rp:   Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: none.

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?:   YES / NO   only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?:   YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?:  24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?:  IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting:  if you want to plot, it would be best to send me an IM and ask me, then we can definitely move to discord if you’d rather. it’s possible to approach me for rp without plotting first, best way would be to send me a meme when i reblog them or simply an ic ask, which i will answer, while memes might get lost. ic asks are good ice-breakers, we can continue plotting from there.

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner:  i need my partners to be as interested in our plot as i am. it would be great if you already have an idea, but it’s still good if you don’t, i get that coming up with ideas can be hard sometimes; mostly, i require honesty. you can definitely tell me that you got no ideas and i will do my best to help, ask questions, try to spark something. i do require the feeling of having that commitment reciprocated.

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?:  i tend to straight up drop the conversation lmao. no hard feelings, but if i get the feeling you’re not interested, i will take my distance - i won’t waste my energy on a plot if my partner doesn’t share my enthusiasm. still, you can always approach me again, if you’re feeling up to it / have new ideas / whatever. nice thing of online convos is that they don’t have an expiration date lol.

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?:  i always ask if they got any ideas to begin with. if my partner already knows, more or less, what kind of dynamic they wanna build with my character(s), that makes it infinitely easier to build something meaningful. it’s still fine if they don’t, i will usually ask a lot of questions regarding their muse’s opinions / feelings / etc., and try to navigate from there. a question i usually ask is: is there any aspect of your muse you’d like to explore? i think that’s a pivotal point in any interaction. 

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if they feel like telling me, why not. but usually, i don’t warn when i drop a thread, so it’s not expected of my partners ever. - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?:  nothing in particular tbh. they can tell me or approach me to start a new thread if they wish to, but it’s not required.

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?:  i might lose interest in a thread, especially if i feel like it’s going nowhere or if the inspiration for it simply doesn’t come. it’s never happened so far that i had to drop a thread because it was making me uncomfortable, but that could still be a reason for me to. in general, though, i would approach my partner in that case. - Will you tell your partner?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you?   YES / NO. - And why?:  absolutely. i’d rather avoid awkward situations or misunderstandings of any kind; if something’s up, tell me. i also like to communicate with my writing partners (be it in the tags of our threads or in IMs), makes me feel like the enthusiasm is not one-sided and i find it generally pleasant.  - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?:  sure. we gotta stay polite, but honest. - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way?  YES / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?:  to have fun, to cultivate my writing skills and my english, and to explore my favorite characters. 

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios:  i want to develop aizen’s wandenreich verse, because i’m deep in quincy hell and i think his dynamics with quincy muses could be super interesting. anything involving the intricacies of bleach politics is super interesting to me, be it with aizen or with my two quincy muses - who, btw, are also good to explore dynamics between quincies / their culture / relationships etc.

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore:  i won’t write anything pertaining to sexual assault. 

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: it’s gotten difficult to work with starters such as “you summoned me / do you need anything / did you call for me” etc. i used to receive that kind of starters all the time with aizen, and i can’t come up with something new every damn time. i also have a hard time working with starters / replies that already feel like a closed conversation and don’t give me anything to reply to.

What type of characters catch your interest the most?:  i’m not sure i have a type. aizen is pretty much an exception, the only example of an already well-built character i write, since i tend to gravitate around minor ones that don’t have much material and that i can work on and expand without being affected by the fandom’s opinion or whatever. somehow i always tend to rp tall guys-

What type of characters catch your interest the least?:  children and teenagers don’t interest me for the most part. characters who don’t have a shred of an opinion or can’t offer any interesting conflicts. overly friendly, mushy, affectionate and flowery characters are really not my cup of tea either. 

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?:  oh god i have no idea. i’m very laid-back, i guess. i’ll never pressure my partners for replies, i don’t think i’m owed a reply in the first place because we all have lives offline,  so i’ll never take it to heart if a partner drops a thread. if i really feel like our roleplaying styles don’t mesh, it will be at my own discretion to do something about it. another strong aspect i have ....... i think i have a decent grasp on all my muses? especially aizen. of course ur free to disagree lol. also, lately i’ve been p active, so that’s it. 

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: i’m really slow. i might speed up for my closest friends, with whom i plot / rp regularly, but usually i take quite some time to reply to random unplotted threads. i probably have a thousand other flaws as a rper, but this is the biggest one that comes to my mind rn. 

Do you rp smut?:  YES / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?:  YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?:  i don’t write detailed sex scenes. sorry lmao they’re just not interesting to me. however, i’m super-ok with writing anything around it, like intimate scenes etc. in fact i find it somewhat soothing.  - Anything you would not want to rp there?:  the nitty-gritty part is already a no, but i guess also sexual violence and shit like that. it’s a no.

Are ships important to you?:   YES / NO. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?:   YES / NO. Do you use read more?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?:  all my ships are with snow 8′) and ur never bored with her. in general, i love being able to explore the muses’ relationships, their conflicts and their peaceful moments, especially in relation to canon events! - What is your smut tag?: nsfw / ........ my n*sfw posts are rare anyway.

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?: to an extent, i prefer pre-est relationships to first meetings - which they can get a bit dull after some time. i’m ok with mostly anything, and only more selective when it comes to relationships that might severely alter my muse’s canon / past / overall character. 

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?:  not to stroke my own feathers but aizen offers a perfect chance at character development to any and all bleach characters. he’s the main villain, he holds some wild opinions, and whether you agree or disagree with him, he leaves no one indifferent. aizen is the main cornerstone of bleach, and if you want your muse to questions themselves and the system / world around them, interacting with him is the best way to start. also, aizen interacted with a fuckton of people, knows practically everything there is to know, is responsible for significant amount of canon events, so you see ... whatever character you write, aizen has the full potential to be extremely relevant in the course of their development.

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?:   children, ordinary low-ranked shinigami (i find it hard when it’s out of the blue, even in aizen’s captain and lieutenant verses ... because interactions would likely be only work-related, and won’t go far), characters whose personalities really have nothing to do with aizen. unfortunately, he’s not my easiest muse, and i don’t want to force interactions with him.  - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?:  characters who have opinions, some political involvement, in general characters with whom aizen had a dynamic in canon. 

- What interests your Muse(s) in general:  reading, calligraphy, philosophy (especially in-world philosophy), science (again, mostly related to the specificity of the bleach universe), the very careful crafting of his plan- - What do they desire, is their goal?:  kill the soul king and take its place, destroy the institutions of soul society, subdue them. and then rule, as the soul king never did before. - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?:  the idiosyncracies in their behavior, the particularities, their possible weaknesses.  - What do they value in a person?:    very little, usually. he may appreciate a resolute personality, strength, and intelligence. - What themes do they like talking about?:  speaking mostly of mundane talks, he likes conversing about his interests. it takes a lot for him to share any personal information, though. - Which themes bore them?:  anything about the greater good, friendship, love, very human topics.

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?:  seeing the soul king, in all things like a ghost stalking his dreams, and well ... spending his early life in rukongai as a whole. being forced to consume other souls in order to survive. the first times his reiatsu killed anyone who tried to get near him.  - What could possibly trigger them?:  it’s rare that he will outwardly show signs of distress, i’d say almost impossible. the few times the soul king still appears in his mind, greatly upsets him though. - What could set them off, enrage them?:  the soul king gets him particularly heated. urahara, as we witnessed. after his defeat, ichigo, to an extent. - What could lead to an instant kill?:  kubo was a coward who didn’t dare let him kill any relevant character, but actually aizen kills very liberally.

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?:  the soul king, urahara. he has a strong disdain for yamamoto, and that joke of C46. - Is there someone /-thing they love?:    himself. tousen

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  he’s only really easy to approach for bleach characters, who, depending on who they are, have different eligible verses to further facilitate the interaction. humans / powerless bleach characters can’t really interact with him tho. - Where are they usually to find?:  soul society or hueco mundo. i have a verse set in the wandenreich.

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?:  aizen is not a particularly easy muse, but it’s part of his overall mosaic to be somewhat unapproachable and distant. i’m not out to make him someone he is not, so forgive me in advance if plotting with me turns out to be difficult in a way or another. he’s very dear to me, and i try my best to do him justice! while my main headcanons may not affect our interactions specifically, i still ask my partners to look them up (they’re linked in my about page) because they’re essential to my portrayal and it makes me happy to have them acknowledged. i think that’s all lmao. come visit me over at my quincy boys too.

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @skyvar​ I DID IT AT LAST. Tagging:  i don’t know who has been tagged so, you know what to do.

[bigskydreaming]

@princeescaluswords tagged me in a fanfic ask meme, and I’m loling at how few of the questions I can actually answer, because I swear I’ve literally forgotten more fandoms than most people will ever have. And I’ve probably written a good couple million words of fanfic all in total....

I know with just my first fandom alone, Roswell, I was in that one writing regularly for about three years and wrote and published probably a million words between the six or so ‘big fics’ I wrote......21 Down topped out at just over 200K, my Paradise Lost trilogy was probably a little longer as I think Genesis and Exodus were both around 80K and Revelations was probably closer to 100K. Riders of the Storm was around 120K.....Passage to Dawn I never actually finished because I scrapped it halfway through and started over.....and my revised version left off at around 50K I think, but the previous version before that had gotten up to 100K......and then I honestly can’t remember the names of my other two big fics at the moment, lmfao, I just know I had one more that was an amnesia trope fic and one that was....oh! Never mind, just remembered. The Long Dark Night of the Soul was one of my shorter ones, probably somewhere between 60-80K.

But yeah, that was just my first fandom alone......but fandom was a little different then, like in the sense that nobody was really writing posts about meta or episode or character analysis......Roswell fandom existed almost entirely on various messageboards and linked sites created by the community. It was years before Ao3 of course, and while ff.net was around, Roswell was one of those fandoms that just never congregated around it......people posting Roswell fics on ff.net were the outliers, the majority of fandom was centered around sites like roswellfanatics.net, crashdown.com and my personal site/board of choice to hang out and post at, polarattraction.com. I’m pretty sure all of those sites have been defunct for years, and I wish I’d done a better job of saving some of my own fics at least, lol. But point is, the fandom was geared just towards the writing and consumption of fanfic more than anything else......so if you were writing something, it was either a fic itself, or a comment on somebody else’s fic, lol. 

Anyway, was just reviewing my various past fandoms, the ones I could remember, and thought of Dark Angel fandom, which I haven’t thought of in forever. Which is kinda funny to me, actually, considering my focus in DA fandom was pretty much exactly my focus in Batfandom - the found family feels.

LOL. Like, I was never one of the better known writers in DA fandom given that my focus was not really the same as most of fandom’s. DA fandom was largely split into two camps locked in eternal ship war - Logan/Max and Alec/Max. I had by this time ‘evolved’ to the point of looking at this and just snobbishly intoning “I do not care for the Straightness of this all and thus I choose to Abstain from the conflict” so there was that at least.....but yeah, thing was, personally, I was in Dark Angel fandom for the found family feels. Max’s eternal search for her siblings she’d been raised with but lost track of when they escaped from Manticore as children.....like that was the good stuff, that was what drew me in and kept me under lock and key until I’d banged out a good couple years’ worth of constant fic writing about her and her siblings before I moved on.

But while Max’s search for her siblings was the catalyst and central plot of the first season of Dark Angel, fandom pretty much only ever took off with the introduction of Alec in the second season, when it became an either/or choice between Alec and Logan. And with most of the second season moving away from Max’s search for her family to focus more on the larger big-picture plots, combined with the fact that most of Max’s siblings never actually made an appearance onscreen.....understandably, they didn’t end up occupying too much of a role in most of fandoms’ fics or interests.

Anyway, like I said, I churned out a shit ton of DA fanfic in a pretty short period of time....my single most popular fic was probably one about transgenics racing to find a cure when they realize they’d been genetically engineered to all ‘expire’ by a certain age, since their creators had no use for genetically engineered super-soldiers past the prime of their lives.

But my personal fave bits of writing, and the series I reeeeeeally regret not saving and wish I could find again, like, there was this one series of one-shots (ranging from a couple thousand words long to some that were about 20-30K long) written about each of Max’s siblings.....all fifteen of them, lol. Jondy’s was the first one I wrote, and one of the first things I wrote in that fandom, and then I just added new stories to that particular series up until Jack’s, the very last one a couple years later....which I THINK was the last thing I ever wrote/posted in that fandom.

And since we only ever met about half of these characters on the show, and most of them only for an episode each, for the most part they were blank slates and the equivalent of writing OCs......and so I’ll always have a soft spot for my time in DA fandom solely because of how many people told me my version of Max’s various siblings was like, the definitive version for them and what they based their own fics or takes on her siblings on. Swoon. Like, that’s my favorite kind of compliment, especially in fanfic writing.

So that series was my Big Thing even if it wasn’t my most popular or well-known fic, and the various stories in it were weird and whimsical and largely experimental. Because part of the point of fic writing for me instead of writing original fic is its like....fanfic is often the place where I just get weird with my writing and try new things even just stylistically. See what works and what doesn’t, etc.

Anyway, kinda curious if there’s anyone out there who was in Dark Angel fandom at all to any degree, or if any of these sound familiar or if anyone remembers reading them.

Like, so Jondy was Max’s sister who we never met in canon but Max talked about often as being her favorite sibling, and her story in this series was called “Little Lightning Girl.” In it she was a stripper slash vigilante, who used her job to take note of predatory guys who then she preemptively scared away from her coworkers or ran totally out of town. I forget how it went exactly, but that one was written as though it was all her stream of consciousness, and she had to my mind a kind of chaotic, whimsical sort of nature, so there was something in there like: 

“Call me little lightning girl, for I’ve lightning in my veins. My hair is always frizzy, my steps all flicker-shimmy-shake. But when I strike, boom, clap, I’m thunder in reverse - by the time you hear the rumble, its already too late. That was you hitting the ground. Don’t hurry getting up. I can wait.”

And then Zane’s story was called “Zen and the Art of Not Breaking Your Customer’s Fucking Face (remember, its bad for business).”

Brin’s was “I Wasn’t Born Yesterday (but yesterday, I remember being very small).”

Zack’s was “Rules For When The Sky Is Falling (and this time it isn’t your fault).”

Syl’s was “The Kind of Girl You Bring Home to Meet Your Parents (when you’ve got the kind of parents that need killing).”

Ben’s was “They keep telling me I’m crazy (I say its the world that’s gone mad).”

Tinga’s was “A Storybook Kind of Princess (with a Grimm kind of happily ever after)” and Krit’s was “The Good Die Young, So Boy, You Better Be Bad.”

Kavi’s was “I Never Learned How To Play Ball (striking out comes naturally).”

Vada’s was “Chase Me To The Desert and Watch Me Live, I Bet I’ll Thrive (you better believe I was born to survive).”

And then Seth’s was “All Her Brothers’ Keeper (you keep your secrets and I’ll keep the watch).”

And though technically not escapees with the rest of them, I am anal and a completionist, so of course I had to write ones for Eva, Jack and Jace too. 

Eva’s was “Big Sisters Know Best (so when I say I’ll die for you, just say thank you and live).” 

Jace’s was “Leopards Never Change Their Spots (but why worry about my 5% leopard when I’m 10% shark). 

And Jack’s was “Shelter The Innocent (but don’t look at the boy without shelter and say that boy, he’s no good).”

Anyway, been randomly thinking about those today now. Well, not randomly since I can follow the train of thought that led me to thinking about them, but you know what I mean. Its just kinda funny to me that I do remember those particular stories so well when there’s entire other fandoms I can barely remember writing in at all. And DA fandom wasn’t even one I was in all that long, ever knew too many other people in, or like....idk. I definitely, definitely have written much more well read and frequently commented upon stories than that fairly random little series of almost-OCs, but for some reason it stuck around in my head a lot longer and a lot more clearly than a ton of other stuff.

[the-foxes-fangs]

I Wish I Was the Moon: Epilogue Pt. 2

Read the main fic and interludes at a03 

Tagging the lovely @otomediary, @you-mass-effect-my-dragon-age, @louveau, and @wingedtreecookiesludge 

                                       ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The ride to Echigo had been pleasant, she was in buoyant spirits despite the muddy road and chilly mornings of the early spring, but he felt the anxiety in her back and shoulders as they gained on Kasugayama. 

“Cold feet so soon, little mouse?” He asked teasingly, holding her close with one arm wrapped around her waist and the reins loose in his free hand. 

“About you? Not one bit. About Kenshin? Well...” She answered, trailing off apprehensively. “The last time I saw him he did put his sword to my throat. I’m not completely sure he’s the best choice for a potential father-in-law. Ieyasu might have been a better option, after all.” 

The sky was a mass of pewter clouds that rolled on into a bank of mist, obscuring the mountains and the horizon and threatened to soak them, but all he could feel was the warmth of her against him and some stray strands of her hair tickling his face when he kissed the top of her head. 

“Let’s not be hasty my dear, could you really look Ieyasu in the eye at our wedding banquet and call him ‘father’? I think he would expire right then and there of the indignity,” He said with a low laugh that she answered with one of her own. 

“Good point, there’s no way I could do that with a straight face.” She said and laughed again. “Still, Kenshin is unpredictable. I’d rather our wedding not become a war zone if we can avoid it.” 

He urged the horse onward as the crested the last hill between them and the castle town, and a misty rain began to fall. 

“He’s got a code of honor as rigid as his sword, whatever else you might find to say about him.” Mitsuhide answered lightly. 

“Oho--” she said with a derisive snort “So that’s the game. Don’t get overconfident though, Sasuke tells me that Shingen is pretty slick, and Kenshin kept up with him all those years.” 

“Ah but Shingen is a tiger! What dragon ever noticed a fox running circles around his feet?” He asked, pulling her coat tighter around her against the wet chill. 

“I defer to your judgement on this one, with reservations.” She said, and blew out a soft sigh. 

They made it to the castle as the rain began to beat down in earnest, tearing the new leaves off of the trees and plastering his hair to his forehead. He slid out of the saddle and caught her, blowing on her frigid fingers to warm them as the guard opened the gates for them. He ignored their prying eyes and held her tightly, kissing her deeply enough to make her breath hitch, though not nearly enough to satisfy either of them. 

Kenshin was standing under the eaves looking like an ice sculpture as usual, with a disapproving Sasuke by his side.

Yoshimoto stood gracefully in a doorway and looked them over with elegant amusement on his delicate face.  

“Welcome. It’s a shame that you arrive accompanied by a snake.” Kenshin said coldly, but reached out to take her hands so gently it looked as if he expected her to shatter. 

“Well, it is a breath of fresh air to see you.” Sasuke said happily, with what passed for a smile as he greeted her. 

“We come as a set, I’m afraid.” She said and offered him a gracious bow. 

"Why, that’s no way to talk about your soon to be son-in-law.” Mitsuhide interjected airily, with a jaunty bow that earned him a scowl and snort in reply.

 “You just don’t know when to quit, do you? It’s like the man said-- you’d face god and walk backward into hell.” Sasuke muttered by way of greeting, shaking his head. 

“You do have such a quaint way with a turn of phrase, squirrel.” Mitsuhide replied with a wink. 

“I was making fun of you.” Sasuke answered and gestured at her, laughing demurely behind her sleeve. 

“Enough pointless chatter.” Kenshin cut in, gesturing for them to follow as he turned toward the shadowy interior of the castle. They filed inside, Kenshin at the lead, and in spite of confidence, he stayed close to her side. 

“The lady is looking a bit like a little drowned mouse, and I’d like to get dried off myself before we begin the formalities, if you don’t mind showing us to our quarters.” Mitsuhide said as they paused at the door to the audience hall. 

“Someone ought to have beaten a polite tongue into your head long ago, Akechi, and when the lady is my daughter, I just might.” Kenshin snarled at him, ice in his face and tone. 

“A term of endearment, I assure you.” Mitsuhide answered, palms up placatingly. 

“Show her to her room.” Kenshin said to Sasuke, and then turned to look him up and down with withering contempt. “You’ll be in the house with the other single men.” He said with a flash in his sharp eyes that brooked no argument. 

“Very well, my lord.” Mitsuhide said, hiding his rising irritation despite having been prepared for exactly this sort of treatment. 

“Wait, I--” she began to object, only to catch his eye and the faint shake of his head, “uh, I wanted to thank you for your generous hospitality and kindness.” 

She bowed again and gave him a questioning glance before she turned to follow Sasuke around a corner. 

“What an absolutely lovely woman.” Yoshimoto said with a gentle wave of his fan as he watched them leave.

“Isn’t she just? A woman you’d do anything for.” Mitsuhide replied with acid in his voice. 

“Is that right? But you were always capable of stooping to any low, so that’s a bit of an insult to the lady, don’t you think?” Yoshimoto said smoothly, fanning himself gracefully. 

A retainer who had been summoned to show him to the barracks stood watching the scene with wide eyes. 

Kenshin looked between them and curled his lip. “Settle it with your blades or shut up. You both bore me, all talk and no blood.” 

“Well I’d hate to be boring, heaven knows.” Mitsuhide answered him, and bowed crisply. “If you’ll excuse me, my lords.” 

He nodded at the retainer and followed him down the hall. 

                                               ∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“So you’re absolutely sure it’s too late for me to dissuade you from marrying Mitsuhide?” Sasuke asked, handing her a cup of tea. 

The room that had been prepared for her was almost stifling in its opulent beauty, books and scrolls, paintings, flowers, even an elaborately made sewing kit and bolts of conspicuously bright fabrics of the sort a young unmarried woman would wear, giving the impression of an overcrowded birdcage. 

It was warm but not warm enough to chase away the chill of his absence, of the warmth of his lips on hers that she longed for to drive her fears away, his low teasing laugh that made it all seem like it wasn’t worth worrying over in the first place. 

“Sasuke, you cannot be seriously asking that after you helped engineer such a beautiful reunion and proposal.” She answered, and sipped her tea, her hair wrapped in a warm towel.

“Against my will! Let the record stand that it was 99.9% against my will!” He answered, adjusting his glasses primly. 

“It’s that last fraction that counts.” She answered and patted his hand soothingly. “I see you haven’t lost your taste for outdated memes.” She added with a snicker. 

“Absurd situations call for absurd references.” He replied, but there was brotherly warmth in his eyes. “You do look as happy as I’ve ever seen you. I don’t know how you live with him, but you look well.” 

“I could say the same for you and Kenshin. Is he still threatening to kill you three times a day?” 

“It was actually up to six for awhile, but we’ve settled at an average of two, so I think he’s forgiving me.” 

“I’ve got to admit, I was surprised that you suggested this to Mitsuhide. It’s not like they particularly like each other.”  She said, nibbling on one of the beautiful sweets that had been prepared for her. 

Sasuke’s eyes flashed behind his glasses, and he crossed his arms firmly. “I absolutely could not allow him to torture Ieyasu. Kenshin is the only one who stands any chance of keeping that man in line, the way I see it. And they both love you, so there’s some common ground.” 

She nearly spat her tea, sputtering and coughing until tears sprang to her eyes. “I’m sorry did you--” she coughed hard, “did you just say Kenshin loves me?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I should have been more exact in my phrasing--” Sasuke said, slapping her back as she finished coughing, “he’s not in love with you, but you impressed him as much as I’ve ever seen anyone impress him that day, and I think it’s fair to say he loves you in his own specifically Kenshin way.” 

“Thanks, Sasuke, psych 101 just bubbled up from the depths of my mostly drunken freshmen memories and took me on quite the ride there for a minute.” She said, waving him back to his seat across from her as she composed herself. 

“My apologies, I didn’t mean to cause you to revisit your brief but passionate affair with Tequila in such an unfortunate way.” He replied, deadpan. 

“I forgive you, just let Mitsuhide be the one who surprises me, if possible. So you think this will all go off without a hitch?” 

He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and swept the hair out of his face. “I thought a hitch, as in getting hitched was the whole point.” 

“That was an appalling pun. Wretched. Unforgivable.” She said and they both broke out into peals of laughter. 

“Speaking seriously, I think that as long as Mitsuhide can avoid antagonizing Kenshin, everything will be fine.” 

“Oh, is that all? Well when you put it that way.” She shot back with a shake of her head. “Please be a pal and tell Mitsuhide where to find me, he gets an itchy trigger finger when he sleeps alone.” 

“Now that’s a euphemism.” Sasuke said with his voice caught between admiration and horror. 

“Oh, good lord, Sasuke, that’s not what I meant! Seriously, though, I’m sneaking out to see him if he doesn’t get here first.” She said, drumming her fingers on the table nervously. 

“As much as I’d like to be of assistance, I have to, with the greatest affection, ask you not to be as much of a reckless idiot as usual.” Sasuke shot back, and held up his finger. “No sneaking out. No creeping through the halls, and don’t even think about trying to get through the ceilings, I see what you’re looking at.” 

“But--” she began, only to be stopped by a vigorous shake of his head.

“I mean it. Nothing that would alert the guards. As of now, you’re officially visiting the family, and unlike a trip to stay with cool uncle Nobunaga, someone will be disinherited of his head if you don’t exercise the utmost discretion. Mitsuhide knows it, that’s why he didn’t argue.”

“Oh, fine.” She replied moodily. “I feel like I’m shut up in a dungeon. A very nice dungeon.” 

“Please don’t give Kenshin any ideas, he’s got his own very weird ways of showing his affection.” Sasuke said with a pained look. “Just try to enjoy the party tonight, and see if you can get the two of them talking... I don’t know, tactics or weapons or something.” 

“I’m no diplomat, but I’ll do my best.” She answered with a sigh. 

[tuesdayscanons]

《 How I Run My Blog 》

Speed

《 If you take anything from this post, it's this—I either respond in ten seconds or ten years. There's a whole lotta factors: time, energy, interest, etc. Lately, I've been moving slower because my muse is all over the place and I've been burnt out by college, but the semester is about to end and I'm hoping my workload won't be as overwhelming from now on. 》

Replies

《 The length of my replies tend to vary, but I try to write multi-para responses (which can slow me down when I get carried away/overwhelmed. I'm also interested in fun little one line responses, which I'd most likely respond to quicker bc they're more casual. 》

Starters

《 I tend to post starter calls for the muses/AUs I'm the most interested in atm, though things can be delayed if my muse flops for any reason. Starters *might* be easier to write, though I have starters I owe which suggest otherwise. It also depends on what ideas I have—sometimes I have a gazillion ideas for interactions between muses and other times I get stuck bc I have no clue how to create a situation for two muses to have an excuse to interact. 》

Inbox

《 My inbox is open to anyone and to (almost) anything. You can send me random nonsense on anon for all I care, as long as it isn't overly vulgar or hostile. Don't get me wrong, you can still push my muses around (tbh I encourage it), but there's a point to where it stops being fun.

RP memes also don't expire on this blog. You can send me something from a post I reblogged over a year ago (though please specify if it's an emoji meme—there are emoji asks in purgatory bc I can't remember what meme it's from and have no clue how to respond).

The asks I'm most interested in tend to revolve around personal relationships or deep dives into my muses? Y'all can probably tell from what I usually reblog. OOC memes are also good when my muse is low, though I'd feel bad if I posted OOC too often. Y'all came for my muses, not to hear me ramble.

My speed tends to vary, though I usually find it easier to respond to ask memes than ic stuff. 》

Selectivity

《 I say that I'm semi-selective on my promos, though I'm generally open to writing with people. Most of it comes down to anxiety—I still try to reach out to people, but it makes my day when people reach out to me? Tbh, I'm constantly worried about bothering people and having people care enough to approach me is a huge deal. Sometimes I can be all over the place, but ideally, I'd like to open myself up to new partners. Depending on a handful of partners can be a huge issue down the line, especially knowing how I can be sometimes. 》

Wishlist

《 What I'm most interested in tends to shift, but I have a wishlist tag (creatively labeled "wishlist") if y'all want to check it out. Generally, I'm interested in exploring interpersonal relationships. Romance, rivalry, friendship, family, what have you. I tend to lean towards fluff or...Sour Patch Kids threads? I'm sure there's a better word out there to describe it, but basically angst/melodrama which leads to fluff. Sometimes I can do full on angst, though I don't do so as often because they're kinda a bummer. 》

Honest Notes

《 This goes for everything I've previously mentioned, but I have a tendency to hyperfixate. It could be a certain muse, a specific aspect/character dynamic, sometimes even specific mutuals as odd as that might seem. I don't intend to brush people off or play favorites, it's just that my attention and memory are both atrocious. 》

Random Side Notes

《 Related to the hyperfixation thing, there are times where I post a lot of art/headcanons to my oc blogs instead of actually writing ic stuff. I started out as an oc rper and I find it easier to write ocs (hence why Maddie has pretty much taken over this blog). Sometimes I'm able to write canon characters like I would ocs, though I don't think I could ever be more invested in a canon character than my ocs. They're my babies, y'know? I've also probably mentioned before that I don't watch a whole lot of shows because I spend most of my free time thinking about my ocs. That could have something to do with it...

Also—if y'all want to direct message me, I prefer Discord over Tumblr IMs. I'll still respond to Tumblr IMs, but Discord is better if y'all are looking to have regular/on-going OOC contact with me. Idk, it just feels more organized and personal? I check my Discord pretty much daily, so I'll probably respond quickly (if I don't forget to write back, that is...but I still don't think I'd leave you hanging for too long). 》

[conseille]

☠w/ kamui

(  symbols meme ❜ ⋮ not accepting

she had given him the dish quickly; with her own lunch break approaching ( and with only one customer in capacity ), yerin had simply cooked double of the same meal. unfortunately, with her nose still stuffed from hay fever, she hadn’t realized the state of the fish she fried. it was supposed to have been thrown out yesterday with the rest of the expired stock, but a string of mistakes had taken it back to the main fridge … and now the poor customer’s dish. with the fish cooked so thoroughly with wine and ginger and peppers, it takes a moment for her to realize the mistake. but her stomach makes sure she knows. before she can even make an emergency trip to the restroom, yerin makes an immediate dash from the kitchen, waving hands to warn the patron. 

❝ i’m so sorry, i need to take your plate back,  there’s – YOU FINISHED IT ALREADY ? ! ? ! ? ! ❞ DESPITE giving him a rather large portion with some side dishes, yerin finds herself now staring at empty tableware. she was too late. ❝ there’s something – urk – ❞ lips button tightly, refusing to let that happen. but a sickly color begins to rise in the other’s face and she realizes she needs to help him first, whirling around ( and then sickened by the whirl ). ❝ i’ll get you – urgh – a – uh – bucket ! ❞

our muses get food-poisoning together

[missmonkeymode]

My story with google + since its ending soon

So, first things first. How did I get on google plus in the first place? Honestly I'm not fully sure, I think it was a mix of youtube being glued onto google plus, my brother using it, and maybe being lonely I don't fully know. I remember the first thing I did, it was basically add a bunch of pokemon stuff to my feed and follow my brother. Nothing much really happened then, but the more important part is what happened a little bit later, like a couple of months after I made the account. I found a group of people who roleplayed warrior cats. I know, warrior cats. I was intrigued by the thought of roleplaying, since it was like a joint story (in my eyes at least). I immediately joined and made my first oc ever. Her name was Ivy, she's a young cat who hated everything and everyone and was weirdly strong. I made her design in a dolldevine thing. Funny thing though, I didn't even read one book about warrior cats before I joined the group.

That was technically the first time I had internet friends. I remember thinking that everyone was like, cool older teenagers but I found out recently that the closest friend I had was literally 2 years older than me  so who would've thought. Eventually, the community got more and more inactive, and we just stopped. We stopped roleplaying with each other, and I think I was the only one who stuck with google plus from that group weirdly. This lasted until like, mid 2015 I wanna say? I dont't fully remember, but it doesn't fully matter, just by 2015 we split up.

So mid 2015 to early 2016 I literally remember nothing from them except liking minecraft youtubers (VAGUELY THO). All I do remember is getting kicked from this one group for breaking the rules once, but screw them right? I was messing around on youtube, and I found Jacksepticeyes playthrough of undertale in February of 2016. I fell in love with undertale. To be honest, I think that was one of the most intense hyper fixation I've ever had oopsie. I started following anything related to Undertale, including rp blogs since I knew what they were. Then I found someone who roleplayed Ink Sans.

Now about 7th grade me: I wasn't at the best place if I'm honest. I didn't have any friends, mostly what I did was read since I didn't have a phone at the time, I was extremely antisocial, and all I remember is like, the only time I had fun at school was watching the theatre kids dick around in theatre class even though I was too timid to actually say hi.

7th grade me was a different person than now me, even though I still have some traits from older me. But hey we ain't here to hear kit talk about how she thinks her life changed and junk we here about g+ baybee

So when I found this Ink Sans roleplayer, I checked out their blog since I was really into undertale aus and Ink Sans was new to me. I immediately followed after I saw their content. I was in awe, this person was a great rper, was everything 7th grade me wished to be (funny, confident, friendly, all that good jazz), and they liked undertale. I started commenting on their post, and we became friends. I remember becoming friends with them, and befriending their friends. I still know who they are to this day, and I still follow them even if we're not really friends anymore. Eventually the Ink Sans rper made a group where their friends hung out, and you can imagine how shocked and excited I was. Who'd like plain old Kit, all she does is read. But nevertheless, I dedicated the good chunk of 2016 in that group.

Overtime, I learned everyones name and stopped referring to them as their character. Ink Sans's mun's name was Uki, a Gaster Sans became Izzy, a Flowey became a Cy, etc etc. Everyone was older than me, I was the youngest in the group. I remember good things about that place, but one thing I don't remember is how horny e veryone was besides me. Lowkey I think because of skeleporn that they posted that I use to get fluseterd when thinking of sans f. So people were chilling on the server, then Uki got into homestuck. SHe got the others into homestuck, and I believe I was the last one to get into it (mostly because of my brother lol). So we all were posting about homestuck, and as a joke, Uki invited as many Eridan rpers to the server (since she had a crush on eridan lol) and eventually a dude named Myth joined. I'm a mutual to him on tumblr now so thats poppin. Myth is a good friend but he wasn't the quietest person. Eventually because of how rowdy it got, Uki's mom found out about the server and banned her from social media.

Everyone was devastated after that, especially her boyfriend Cy, and that launched the group into a weird limbo where we'd talk to each other and still be friends outside of the group, but not actually be active in the group. Officially it died in summer of 2016, but if I had to say when it died, I would say late winter after Uki left it died. 2016 came and went, and now its 2017 with a good chunk of friends still being into homestuck, so we decided to start roleplaying together as homestuck ocs. That's when things get weird and take a turn towards the sour.

So Izzy, the person who was gaster, started dating this papyrus roleplayer, who we called pap. Myth Introduced us to some more people and then yeah. OH WAIT I FORGOT TO MENTION LOGAN AND LGBT! So this group was the first time I figured out that the lgbt community existed, and Logan was a Pansexual gal who had a lot of drama irl but overall was pretty chill. BACK TO THE STORY!

So everyone had an oc, and everyone was at various places in their roleplaying life. Some people they were great at it, some people didn't start rping until the group started, some people were rusty at it but has some expirence (that twas me).  Because of this group I opened up MSPaint and actually figured out how it worked and start using it. It was fun but some people were..... unsavory to be kind. What I'm going to say in the spoilers contains tw of being sexually gross and suicide.

Around spring Izzy and Pap's relationship started getting shakey, and Izzy wanted to break up with Pap. At the time I had no idea what happened, but apparently Pap threatened Izzy with suicide if she did break up with him.  Izzy told Logan about it, and Logan told everyone to unfollow him. I didn't since I didn't know what was happening, but Pap was shunned from the group and I have no idea what they're doing today. It was a good thing to, his character were gross. Again, I didn't realize it at the time but like, his homestuck characters were fucking WILD. If I remember correctly (and i do) one of his characters tried to hump other characters and yeah that was bad. I made my character punch him and was bout to rip off his troll dick so yeah I did register that that was bad, but I didn't realize the gravity of it. Also another one of his characters kidnapped another character and had them as a sex slave maybe? yeah so good riddance to him.

Tl;DR Pap was gross and bad, so he's gone.

So like, late 2017, the rp group went inactive and some people I still know and talk to. A guy called Muff that joined later is still a good friend of mine. But that split up, and each person just stopped using google+ all together. All that really stayed was Myth, Izzy, and Muff. Logan had something happened with an ex and now deleted her account. I don't know what happened to her, all that she's safe. Cy just slowly moved to a new site, and we didn't stay in contact. 2018 rolled in, and I decided to be more out there and like, try to actually do things irl so that's where I changed from middle school Kit to Kit right now. I still used google+, I found some more friends whom are way better than some of the people who I interreacted with in 2017. Nothing eventful happened that year, but it was an amazing year nevertheless. Now early summer 2018 happened and i found jojo's bizarre adventure, and to my surprise some of my newer friends liked jojo! So we bonded over that, somehow passed them while reading/watching it, and life is going good. Then the announcement thhat google+ is ending happened.

Everyone, and when I say everyone I mean everyone, freaked out. A little bit about google+ culture is that you can literally become friends with everyone no matter follower count or post, it was a great place to make friends. Everyone was in a tizy about how they were going to keep their friends since nobody wanted to lose them. Another thing about google+ culture is how terrible the site is. To anyone here who's familiar with tumblr, imagine the tumblr staff but they dont fix bugs and don't care much about the site, and that's honestly the google+ staff. So everyone jokes about how the site is bad, there was a meme that was created to poke fun at the bugs (it was gold stars), and everyone said "when will this god forsaken site ended". Literally at first nobody knew if the announcement was real or not thats how much people joked about the end of google plus.

According to an article, the original end date was going to be in August. This was announced early this year, so people had time to plug other social media and things like that. But, that wasn't the fate of google+. Somehow someone leaked information about some users, so the google+ team decided to end it earlier. Tomorrow google plus won't be google plus, it'll be google business. Luckily I got peoples twitter and tumblr and all that jazz but.... damn. Who would've thought that google plus would end. None of us certainly did.

[bnjmin]

21 for cory and ben even tho i wanna send all of them

MEME     /      SELECTIVELY ACCEPTING     /     @cxrleonis.

                                        21. the one where you can talk to your soulmate in dreams.

it gets to be an addiction for people,      sometimes.     people that just work and sleep,     people that cut themselves down to part time so that they really only just sleep and occasionally work,     some people that quit having a life outside of their thousand thread count sheets altogether.

it should make him feel special,      in a way,      that he has a life outside of his dreams.     so many others don’t give themselves the chance.       instead it makes him feel guilty.      he goes through days of trying to keep himself awake at work,      standing at the counter with his chin dipping down to his chest.     at night,     when he’s run out of extra caffeinated coffee and he’s left with his fingers loosely holding onto the mug in his lap,      head lolled back on the backside of the couch,     he hears a voice.

THE voice.     HER voice.     it’s tentative,     lately,       like she doesn’t expect anyone to answer.      (      and why would she      ?     it’s been months since he’s let himself talk to her,      not since    —-     )

it jolts him awake,      every time.      the familiarity of it.      he can feel the sadness radiating through every syllable,      the disappointment.      he wonders if it’s a part of the connection that they have,       or if he just feels that mind numbingly guilty.     maybe it’s a bit of both.

his dad turns him in,      because he’s worried and because he’s being      —-      ben will admit,     begrudgingly     —-     a good father.

“      you look like shit,      “     is how he puts it simply,      after attempting an easier way of easing into why he’s dragged his son to a sleep clinic.     (      it wasn’t a difficult task     —-     jeff is a large man and ben is,     at this point,     chronically exhausted.     any fight he may have put up is a little bit besides the point.     )     “     and you put iced tea in your cereal this morning.     “

ben winces.      he’s aware.      if he swipes his tongue around his mouth a little he can still taste the aftermath.

bleh.

“     you’re breaking records today,      “      is what the technician tells him.      she gives him a look that’s dancing in humor,      but isn’t quite all the way there.     “    most people enthusiastically avoid exhaustion.     “

he can’t do much more than shrug.     both because of his terrible talents of communication,       and because half of his mind still feels like it’s in the waiting room.      he’s waiting for the rest of it to catch up.     “     i’m not most people.    “

“     …     no.      “     she stops what she’s doing,     clasps her hands a little awkwardly on the table and pushes out the most uncomfortable sounding,     “     did you guys    …     have a fight,      or something      ?      and you’re trying to see who can ignore whom the longest     ?       “

that’s feasible,    honestly.      and he wouldn’t put it past himself.     “     sure.     “

“      is winning the argument worth increased risks of diabetes,      heart disease,     abnormal hormone levels      ?       “

he bites at the inside of his cheek.       he wishes he could let it be that easy.     “    sure.     “

“     honestly,      i think whatever it is will work itself out.     “     she looks at him hard for a few seconds,      and it’s the most alert he thinks he’s felt in weeks.     “    but you have to let it.      and you have to go to sleep.     “      a shrug of her shoulders.       “     go get a doctor’s note,      have a long weekend.      take some nyquil and just    …     pass out.     “

he tosses two boxes of     nighttime sleep aid    onto the conveyor belt.      the cashier gives him a knowing look.

“     want some extra time with the missus      ?     or mister,     i guess.      you know.     whatever.     “

extra time with the missus.     his eyes glaze over for a second,      and not just because he’s ready to pass out where he stands.     there’s an energy drink in the little cooler right next to him,      at knee level,      and he eyes it while he listens to the beeping of his items being rung up.

he doesn’t answer until he’s pulling his card out of the chip reader,      accepting the bag with an outstretched hand.      “      —-     something like that.     “

okay,     scratch that     —-     THIS,     ironically,      is the most alert he’s felt in weeks.     he’s taken one and a half times the recommended dose,      just in case,      and now he’s just laying in bed,     staring up at the ceiling,     glow in the dark stars dancing the speed of his increasingly fast heartbeat.

he’s unsure what he’ll say to her.      hi,      sorry,      was going through a rough time and didn’t really want to talk to you for a few months,     also didn’t warn you that i was just going to just up and leave and force myself to stay half-awake for an,      honestly,      life threateningly long time because i didn’t want to explain myself,      lest everything become this self-fulfilling prophecy      —-

ben?

oh.     oh,      fuck.

i thought i      —-     gosh,      i’m just so desperate that i’m imagining it now,     i guess    —-

no.      this seems like the appropriate moment to clear his throat,      for some reason,      but he’s unsure what the equivalent of that is,     here.     no,     i’m here.

she’s quiet for a long time,    and he hates how much he’s holding onto those last few words that she’d mumbled to herself.

it comes finally,     though.     soft and hesitant and shy and scared.    he can relate to that.      hi.

hi.

are you     —-     are you here for     —-     i mean.      will you be here long ?     i think the longest i’ve    …     felt you for in a long time has only been a few hours.

i don’t    —-     i probably won’t wake up for a long time.      i’ll    …    be here for as long as you are.

oh.

yeah.

more silence.     this vast darkness is usually comforting,     but it feels colder than normal.       it feels like this is her space that he’s imposing on,     standing awkwardly in the corner because he’s just invited himself in and now doesn’t know what to do.

i thought you’d     …     severed it,     somehow.      us.

he’d never.       honestly.     in all the times he’d been deep enough asleep to hear her,     he’d never once not wanted to hear her again.

i don’t think you can do that.

i’ve heard of it.     it’s expensive.     and it hurts.     and you’d been coming in and out,    and i’ve heard that it can do that,     before it’s fully healed,    only give you little snippets of things,     and i’d only really gotten little moments of you for the longest time,      so i just     —-     i don’t know,     i assumed     —-

i wouldn’t.      i didn’t,     obviously,      and i wouldn’t.      i don’t want that.

that’s nice to hear,      but that’s not really the feeling i’ve been getting.

and what does he say to that     ?     explain his situation,     the utter and debilitating dread that had come to him after that funeral,    the he’d lose the other person that had known all of him     ?     the plan he’d come up with wasn’t the best,       he knows that,      and he knew it wasn’t a permanent solution     —-     there’d always be an expiration date on it.

maybe that’s the reason he did it,      subconsciously.      he’d get snippets of her,     too,      here and there,      and she never stopped talking.      never stopped waiting.     he heard her talking about what her day was like before she took a nap last sunday because he fell asleep while he was watching the news.

—-     i get that.

do you?

i’m sorry.

i wish that would cut it.      but i’m just     —-      i’m glad you’re okay.      i thought something had happened to you.

increased risk of diabetes and heart disease,    but.    that’s it.

he thinks he’s funny.      she’s not in the mood to be humored.     (     rightfully so.     )

am i not     —-     can i ask you something?     and will you    …     can you be honest with me?

can he      ?       well,      it depends what she’s asking.     but,     sure.

do you not   …    want me anymore?

and that      ?      splits him in two.    the black fades to gray and then back again because of how hard the fucking guilt hits him.      jesus.      he’s such a fucking idiot.

i’m sorry.

oh.

no,     i mean.     i’m sorry i didn’t    …     say anything.     it’s not you      —-     it wasn’t you.     she’s the only person that’s kept him sane,     through a lot of things,     that’s kept him from going completely off the deep end throughout the years.     it’s never you.

then    …     what?

i    …    don’t want to talk about that right now.

he’s unsure if she’ll take that as an answer.      she doesn’t have to,      of course     —-      she deserves an explanation,       and ben will try and power through it if he really needs to,     but he doesn’t want to exert that kind of effort today.     his body’s already on the brink of shutdown,     and that may very well just push him over the edge.

but then she replies,      okay,     and he can read the assumption that they’ll talk about it later in the subtext,     and he can live with that.     ben?

mm?

please don’t do that again.     i missed you.

i missed you too.      it slips out of him easily,      easier than he thought it would have.

[addicted2electronics]

A Tour

Today, I’ve experienced a lot of sadness.

I was woken up by my younger sister, telling me it was 6:40 or something among the lines.. 

Then my brother was yelling at her, once our mother came in the room he said that she was yelling at us for 30 minutes. I didn’t want to get up, and I didn’t say anything.

I’m the oldest, by the way. 

Then once I got up, I was given 6 bucks so that I could get food. Then we got in the car.

It was raining. I didn’t have my phone with me because I left it somewhere else.

We made it to my school and I was late. I had to go in to get a tardy slip, and the electronic dispenser wasn’t working, so I got a little extra late while waiting for that. 

Then I got to my class, Algebra 1 B. The back seats were taken, and that’s where I usually sit to avoid the laughter and the grins that feel like are directed at me, but I’m really not sure.

I had a quiz. Tried napping, but didn’t. I finished it and I feel like I got the content down pretty well, I’m sure I got a high grade. Most of the time, though, I could just feel the grin of the two boys next to me, and they were just pounding down on my patience. 

Class ended, as it should. I walked with my shoulders and head up. At least, it felt like my shoulders and head were up. I walked up the stairs to double check whether or not my Wellness class was in the gym, and turns out, it was. So I walked back downstairs.

While walking downstairs, there was this kid with black hair and mixed skin. He does some stuff that I would never do myself, but I just tell him not to get caught. He was a little aggressive at the beginning of the year, but I made friends with him, telling him that I wasn’t his enemy. Now he has my back.

At least, it seems like that. I’m glad I made friends with him.

I walk down to the gym and everything goes on, we sit down, and this girl next to me just doesn’t stop talking.

I go to complain to one of my “friends,” but the upfront person he is, he just tells me that he straight-up doesn’t care. I’m a little bitter, now, I try and go to talk to a girl that I wanna be friends with, but she says she’s occupied.

I go to do sit-ups, and my friend accidentally hits me in the face. He comes over and laughs, asking if I’m okay. I just say “I got hit in the head.” He head off and hit me by accident on the back a third time.

Today isn’t going well. 

I’m becoming self-aware. Is it because of the way I look? Do I smell bad? I haven’t taken a shower in a couple of days, I must stink. I don’t want anyone else to smell it, so it was a bit of dilemma for me. After a couple of attempts to socialize, I eventually give up and sit up against a wall, secluded off to the side. Some guy that I clapped in smash brothers comes over and he’s like “are you okay?” Something along the lines. I say that I’m fine. 

“Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“Yes.”

The bell is close to ringing. I get up and grab my stuff, and it’s really going downhill for me. I don’t have my phone to complain to my friends.

I start to identify why I’m upset. The people that I want to talk to aren’t talking to me, and I’m growing lonely and depressed because of it. 

I get to English. I sit down and just start looking at dog memes after being told to rest for a moment by the teacher. 

The Lunch bell rings. I sigh, close my laptop, grab my Lunch money, and tell my teacher I’m not feeling the best. She tells me that she cares, but she has to talk about it later. 

I get out of class, and so does the teacher. I slip in my reasoning for my emotions while I walk. Then I go back downstairs, to the first floor. 

Maybe it’s because I look too intimidating. I didn’t feel like smiling, so I just raised my eyebrows. 

I then get to the lunchroom. I grab my food and pay for it, and my best friend is at the front of the line. I walk up to him, and I say “The one person that can make me smile today.” Of course, I was genuinely smiling, and he did so as well. I went to sit down with him and we started talking, I started complaining.. 

Lunch ended pretty soon. Because Lunch started in the middle of English. I start reading through the book that was assigned to me, “The Hate U Give.” I hate a lot of the people in this book, especially this racist girl Hailey. I’m scowling in class, wanting to go the the bathroom and punch something. 

I go to the bathroom. I don’t punch anything, but I swear to myself a couple of times. I go back to class and it ends a little bit afterwards. Now, alongside of having to do my Math notes, I also have to finish a chapter for the book I’m reading in class..

I walk to Creative writing. This was a lot longer than I may be painting it, but I dunno, I just want to get it out. I see one guy that I’m interested in, and maybe he detects that I’m upset, I dunno. I tell him that it’s an off day, he asks why, I tell him it’s because nobody was talking to me. He points out that I was talking to someone while coming to class, but that was an exception from the whole day. I sit down with them, though it isn’t my assigned table. I’m told to move back. I’m starting to feel terrible. I write down my emotions disguised as written work. Nobody hears them. I begin to think.. my book is due on Friday, the second book for the whole semester but the one for this class.. I haven’t even started on it. I begin to stress out as the teacher puts up the main assignment for the day, shedding a coupe of tears silently. I make my eyes only visible to the teacher, but she doesn’t acknowledge them at all. 

I pass out.

A couple of minutes later, it’s time for us to go, and I begin waking up. I stand near the teacher, also where the guy and this other girl I’m friends with are standing. The girl just walks off without acknowledging me and so does the guy. I’m just standing there as I tell myself it’s an off day. I’m in that odd state of mind that you get when you wake up and you’re just neutral for a good 3 minutes. 

The 3 minutes expire. I start getting upset. I see my middle school friend and my ex talking. Neither of them seem to care much about me at the moment. I turn and apologize to the teacher for passing out in class, she says that I didn’t pass out in class. I tell her sorry for slacking on the work. She tells me she’ll help my table out.

I walk out of class, slow as all living hell. I’m in no rush.

I walk in on the bus. My ex, who I’m still friends with, is sitting on the bus. I try to sit next to her like I do some days, but she tells me that she’s saving the seat. 

I walk towards the back, there’s this kid that looks like he’s in 6th or early 7th grade, super skinny. He’s like “you ain’t sitting here.” 

I sit on his legs. He kicks me off. He starts yelling, calling me a little hoe, saying that he doesn’t have room to move as I sit back on the seat. I move my legs to let him move. I tell him that he’s doing this to himself. 

He starts trying to talk to me about my ex, and he doesn’t know I broke up with her. I didn’t tell him anything. Somebody in front of him says something and he’s like “I’m trying to ask flip-phone about his girlfriend.” I had thoughts of hitting this kid, but I didn’t. I turned to him and said “I don’t wanna talk to 45-degree-angle-nose.” A bit of a mouthful, but it gets the point across. 

I endure a bus ride. My stop comes up. The kid’s like “bye!” 

I said “I’m sorry for sitting on your leg. Have a nice day.”

I think I surprised him. “It’s okay. You’re alright.” He mutters after a moment. 

I get off the bus and just stand on the sidewalk until the bus drives off, until this couple walks off, until I feel alone and spaced out enough. 

My eyebrows furrow and my mouth perks down. 

My mom asks me how I am, I tell her I’m not doing very well. I don’t get into it very far.

Then I type my story about today online, hoping I get some positive, wanted attention and maybe some sympathy. 

I know for a fact that I can be very petty and pathetic. 

[crybabybyee]

it’s been a rough few days.

on saturday i found out my grandad died...

he died whilst he was in the bathroom, suspected heart attack. im just so so sad to think of him dying alone like that. and sad that my sister had to go identify his body.

it hasnt really hit me yet. when i found out i cried, but since then i just feel weird...sad...but i guess until i actually ‘see’ that hes dead ie at the funeral, its hard to think its really real...

i just feel so guilty. i wish i was closer to him, but we barely had a relationship, he didnt speak to me much because he couldnt hear me as he was deaf (he was 90) and would always look at my sister to translate. always called my sister but not me, i guess because he knew i was autistic and i had heard him say “its a shame” in a sad way about me before. but still i wished we were closer. when we were kids he barely spoke because my nan did all the talking, and when she died he opened up a bit because he was lonely. they also lived far away, so i barely saw them...

my sister basically helped him sort out appointments and things and carers but she hardly saw him either, so she feels guilty. my dad had nothing to do with him as they had a major falling out. he is probably feeling guilty too but i understand why

i cant stop thinking about it all obviously and just feel so sad for him, but i also knew deep down this is how he would die. i just hope he is with nan now, he wasnt happy being left without her and had said “if i make it to 90 ill be fine to pass over”...its weird how things like that always come true

so the weekend passed. 

yesterday was valentines day and guess what? i heard NOTHING from my ex who is sooo in love with me. no gifts, nothing. fuck him. im pretty sure he knows about my grandad too because my mum mentioned it to his dad.

i was feeling really ungrounded obviously and just wanted him to contact me?? but hes also proved that he doesnt know ANY of my other social medias nor spares a thought to even email me??? because he is blocked everywhere else. im just shocked at him honestly. he must have really thought he has shown me.

all hes shown me is he would actually be an even more useless boyfriend, making minimum effort now, but wants me to forgive him, forget the past, change my behaviours AND, believe that hes changed

yeah fucking right mate

no doubt he was chatting up endless girls yesterday feeling sorry for himself, boohoo im alone on valentines i must find one immediately. like if what he said is true to me why the FUCK would he not send me a card, gift, even a message??? wtf???

i missed him as well. i missed him yesterday even though i was growing more mad by the minute. and now that yesterday has passed i just feel pure resentment, huge ICK feeling, and that i need to make some changes to myself yet again.

today i felt more grounded...maybe it was the heavy rain making me wet and tired and reminding me im a human thats alive. i didnt feel the need to really check my phone much, because trust me i have been obsessively checking my phone lately, ESPECIALLY yesterday i would open my emails, instagram, even my twitter and snapchat...discord..steam

ive checked once today...maybe twice but thats because i was bored in the car...but now i just have to remind myself to live in the moment again

i have 4 days left of sub on ff. im not renewing. not for a while.

it was nice kinda making friends in the fc. S is bleh, boring as usual, so dont really bother talking to him unless he aims something at me. i became sorta friends with L too, we were all randomly chilling trying to buy a house and having random convos like about what takeaway to get

but its not really serving me to be on that game. im enjoying it but its just making me live in a fantasy world again. and on the discord, people dont really reply to what i post, because it involves cute stuff or horses and gamers just arent interested in that, only absurd memes, its the same old song.

so i wont really miss the game. im going to let my sub expire and then buy legends arceus on the switch, since i wanted to before i bought ff. ill be more present irl, and can sit with my baby more.

and if i get kicked from the fc for being inactive, its not a big deal either...id just join a new one. i just need to detach from the online world that hes still basically a part of. stop meeting new people who are emotionally unavailable. just focus on being happy for myself and my son. dont look at my social medias, maybe tiktok and youtube ofcourse. i just feel stupid for letting him drag me down to this level again. planting a seed of doubt in my head.

fuck you i will be better