#and i litterally found out the convention was happening and decided to go there in this morning

[ladyhavilliard]

i cosplayed for the first time today yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

also there were these two aether and xiao cosplayers that were so goddamn hot and ummmmm i think i had a gay panic because goddamn

[taleasnewastime]

Flatmates | Part 2

Summary: You need to find a spare room after deciding to move out of your flat that you share with your best friend and her boyfriend. Stumbling upon an advert for a room that seems almost too good to be true, you decide for once to not over think and go for it. But who is the mystery flatmate you are now living with that you hardly see?

Pairing: Hoseok/Reader

Genre: Fluff, angst, slight smut

Word count: 16.9k

Part 1

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol consumption (though just for fun).

Authors Note: So this is part 2 and the final part of this story. There’s a bit of everything in this, fluff, smut and angst. I hope you enjoy :) 

The conversation you had accidentally overheard plagued your mind over the following days. Thoughts on what the conversation could have been about littered your mind. Most of them negative.  

As promised, Hoseok had a few days off work, so although you still had to go to work, you saw him in the evenings. The two of you hanging out almost as if you were normal flatmates. You grew to know him more than you had before and you grew to like him. He seemed like a normal person rather than the rich man that you had painted him to be in your mind. But as much as you tried to forget it, the conversation between Hoseok and Jimin wouldn’t leave your mind and you wondered every time you spoke to him whether that was when he was going to bring it up and whether that was the right time he was referring to.

The few days that Hoseok has off go by too quickly and before you know it you are back alone in the flat. You would never admit it to anyone, but you missed the mans presence around the flat. You missed coming home to see him lounging on the sofa. You missed eating your tea with him. You missed watching TV with him, even if the two of you didn’t talk. It felt like you had a normal living arrangement and you would go as far as calling him a friend now. 

The first day that you came home knowing that Hoseok wouldn’t be home you felt your mood dampen. But then you noticed the distinctive colour of a post-it note on the side. Your heart initially drops at the sight, realising that this was now how you would have to communicate. Just as quickly as your heart drops, it lifts back up in excitement, because any communication with him was good. Dropping your bag by the door you go and pick up the note, reading it.

Maybe Yoongi was right. Text me whenever, about whatever.  

Followed by a series of numbers that you assume is his number. Your first emotion was shock, not expecting a note was one thing, Hoseok giving you his number was another thing. Your second emotion was a slight panic. Sure you had grown closer to Hoseok over the past few days, but you still felt weird about texting him. What should you message him? You had initially wanted him to give you his number first, but now that had happened, you realise the ball was in your court to message him, and what the hell were you supposed to say. You spent that night debating over a text, and in the end you had just opted for a simple.  

Hi, it’s Y/N. Now you have my number too :)

You had slightly cringed at the message, but all other options you thought of were just as awkward. Trying to take Lilys constant advice, you ended up not over thinking it too much and just send the message.  

From there your conversations moved from post-it note, to in person conversation to finally text messages. Like Yoongi had joked, you had moved into the 21st Century and though messages weren’t that frequent, they were more frequent than the notes you used to leave. You were able to ask him if he would want food that night, ask him how his days were going, joke with him about things you found around the flat. Again it didn’t feel like a conventional flatmate relationship, but it was a definite improvement.  

After a few weeks of almost constant texting and seeing Hoseok once here and there around the flat you got a message from Jimin.  

Hey it’s Jimin. Hobis birthday is next weekend and we’re throwing him a surprise birthday. I was hoping you would do us the biggest favour in letting us host at the flat and helping us keeping it a surprise? Please could you let me know ASAP? Look forward to seeing you, hopefully you don’t pass out before all the fun this time x

A smile comes to your face as you read the message. You hardly knew Jimin yet you liked the fact he was messaging you as if you were friends. The message was a bit of a surprise, though, as you had no idea that it was Hoseoks birthday. You had a week to try and figure out what the hell you were going to buy him. You reply to Jimin.  

Y/N: All good with me. Let me know how I can help out, decorations, snacks, entertainment etc. I won’t drink any of your cocktails this week and I should be fine.

Jimin: Thank you so much, I was going to bribe you with alcohol but sounds like that won’t be necessary. I’ll get everything sorted and keep you posted on the plans. You’ll get to meet the rest of the gang too, they can’t wait to meet you x  

You hadn’t really thought about the fact that you would be meeting all of Hoseoks friends until Jimin mentions it. A room full of people that all probably knew everyone, and then you. Nerves at the thought of the party start to build. But you busy yourself with ideas at presents and trying to help Jimin to organise different aspects of the party.  

The weekend rolls around in no time, birthday balloons and banners appear around the flat. As promised Jimin and Jin turned up early to help decorate. They told you that Hoseok had been asked to help do something at work as a distraction, meaning he would be home late and it would leave enough time for you all to set up and people to turn up before him. Having never met Jin before it didn’t take long for you to feel like you had known him forever, he was the sort of person who you could easily talk to and feel at home with.  

As the three of you set up for the party, more people slowly started to turn up. Taehyung and Yoongi turned up near the start, and you were happy there were some familiar faces. Namjoon and Jungkook also turned up early and were introduced as close friends of Hoseok. They all seemed a close-knit group, but they involved you in everything they did and discussed and made you feel at home around them. They seemed like a nice bunch and you could see why Hoseok was friends with them.  

When you had all transformed the flat so that it was ready for a party, more people started to turn up. Liv was the only person you had met before and you felt a bit anxious at the room full of people that clearly knew each other well and you knew none of them. You hardly even knew the person who the party was for, and you wished you had asked if you could have at least invited Lily, then you wouldn’t have felt so alone. Even with these doubts in your mind though, Hoseoks friends involved you in their conversations, explaining stories when necessary, asking questions about you. In the end it didn’t feel so bad.  

Before the party you had decided you didn’t want to get as drunk as the last time you had met Hosoeks friends, taking the words in Jimins text seriously. However with the build-up of nerves you did end up with a drink in your hand before Hoseok had even turned up to the party, deciding that the alcohol would give you some liquid courage.  

At the expected time Jimin told everyone that Hoseok was heading up to the flat and that everyone should hide. Looking around a bit lost as to where to go, Jungkook grabs your arm and pulls you over to a spot behind the door, and you smile up at him in thanks.  

“Thanks for letting us steal the flat for this,” he whispers into your ear as the lights go out.  

“It’s Hoseoks flat. I should be thanking you guys for letting me join,” you say.  

His face scrunches in confusion, causing a few wrinkles to appear on his nose, and his eyebrows to be pulled closer together.  

“But you pay to live here, so it’s as much your flat as his,” he argues. “And of course you had to be here. Hobi talks about you all the time so I think he would kick off if he found out you weren’t allowed to stay.”  

Now it was your turn to show confusion. Memories come back to you of Jimin saying that Hoseok had spoken about you, which had surprised you at the time, but you had assumed he had just mentioned that you were living with him. Before you can argue your point more or ask what Hoseok had said about you, Jungkook taps you on the shoulder pointing at the front door which a lock can be heard twisting in. Seconds later the door opens to reveal an unsuspecting Hoseok.  

As he turns the lights on everyone jumps out of their hiding spot shouting “happy birthday” to him. Hoseok nearly runs back out the door in shock, his legs move fast on the spot, his knees going so high they almost hit his chest as a small yelp leaves his lips. You can’t help but laugh along with everyone at the scene, the man obviously spooked at the surprise.  

“At least we know he hadn’t figured out we were doing this,” you continue to laugh, looking over at Jungkook.  

“We would have blamed you if he wasn’t surprised,” he says and you look offended at him. “What? You live with him, you could have left something lying around that would have given it away.”

“He’s at work more than he’s here. If anyone was going to ruin it, it would be someone there,” you defend yourself, even though you had nothing to defend.

He simply rolls his eyes at you, smile on his face as he shakes his head as if to say you are wrong. “I can promise you, none of us would have given the game away,” he says, and you note that he also works with Hoseok, does everyone in this room work with him? Are they all just as rich?

“Well, I can promise you that I would also not have given the game away,” you shoot back.  

“I can see you two are getting on,” Hoseok interrupts. “Why are you even arguing over this? I didn’t find out so you are both good at keep secrets.”

“But I’m better though, right?” Jungkook says and you can’t help but laugh.  

“Stop harassing my flatmate,” Hoseok gives Jungkook a small glare before putting his arm around your shoulders and pulling you off towards the kitchen.

Your heart rate picks up at the closeness, his skin lightly touching the skin of your neck, the contact causing the skin to heat up. As soon as you step into the kitchen his arm drops back to his side as he rounds the counter to where the drinks are, you instantly miss the contact.  

“I just wanted to say thank you,” he says, his back to you as he pours out two drinks.  

“You really don’t need to thank me. Your friends did most of the organising, buying the decorations and alcohol, and they set up most of it. They’ve already thanked me enough too,” you say.  

“But I wanted to say thank you,” he says, turning around with two drinks in his hands.  

“No worries,” you give him a small smile as he hands you one of the drinks. “This better not be as deadly as Jimins drinks. I don’t think I can cope with another hangover like last time.”  

“No promises,” Hoseok laughs as he takes a sip.  

Walking back into the living room where most people were, Hoseok gets dragged away by a girl you don’t recognise, he gives you an apologetic look over his shoulder as she takes him to a small group in the corner.  

Looking around the room you take another sip of your drink as you walk to a corner no one was occupying. Feeling a bit lost in the room full of people you don’t know, not the sort of person to jump into a conversation with a group of people who all know each other, you opt for just trying to blend in. Deciding that you would try and just mull around for an hour before heading to your room. That would be enough time to not look rude, you reasoned.  

Taking another sip of your drink you look around the party again, everyone stood in small clusters laughing and drinking. Your eyes finally landed on the birthday boy, his smile wide as a boy you don’t recognise tells an animated story. A small smile comes to your lips as you watch his head fall back on his neck, a laugh escaping his lips. Moving on, you continue to look around the rest of the room, noticing the boys that had come to help you set up the party scattered around the room with different groups, all seemingly having a good time.  

A small sigh leaves your lips as you look down at your cup, watching the ice clink against the edge of your cup as you swirl its contents.  

“You look a little lost,” a voice says from beside you and you look up to see Liv smiling beside you. “Come on, I’ll introduce to some people,” she says and takes your hand before you can say anything against the matter.  

She drags you over to a group of four people, the only person you recognise is Jin. Liv introduces you as Hoseoks flatmate and then gives you the names of everyone else, you give them a small smile in return. They carry on the conversation that they had been having before you arrive and you stand listening, giving smiles and noises when appropriate. But mainly you stay silent, listening and sipping your drink, feeling slightly awkward.  

When the conversation reached a certain lull, you turned to Liv and tell her you were going to get another drink. She told you to come back and find her when you were done and you smiled at how nice she was being.  

Pouring out a drink, you take out your phone as you sip the contents, deciding to stay in the kitchen for a few minutes. As you had thought earlier, you think again how you wish you had asked if you could have invited Lily to the party. Deciding to send her a text instead, it simply read:

Wish you were here, this party sucks.  

Which you felt slightly bad for saying as it was more you and the fact you struggled to socialise with strangers that was making it boring. Everyone else seemed to be having a great time.  

Have a few more drinks and I’m sure it will liven up!

She replies and you smile at her reply. Alcohol would of course help you feel less awkward, but you also didn’t want to have to down loads of spirits to have a good time.  

“Y/N,” you heard your name screamed, and you look up from your phone in the direction of the party. “Y/N,” the scream sounds out again, you make no attempt to move towards it, slightly confused as to why someone was shouting your name anyway. “There you are,” Jimin says as he appears in the door way, catching your eye. “Come on, we’re starting a game and I need you on my team,” he says as he walks towards you. “You were so good when we played last time,” he stands in front of you smiling.  

“Oh,” is all you say in response.  

“I’ve already hyped up how much I’m going to win, and I’m relying on you to achieve that,” he slightly pleads, before looking around the empty room you occupy. “Why you hiding out in here?”  

Your cheeks flush at his words, eyes dropping to your cup. “Just getting a drink.”  

“Well, you have one now,” he says gently, obviously realising that there was more to you hiding away from the party. “Hoseok wants you to play too,” he says as if that would make you want to play.  

“Of course, I’ll play. But I don’t want to win if I’m going to be punished and have to drink again,” you say, and a big smile breaks out on his face, you would never have been rude enough to deny him and would have found to awkward to say no anyway. “I think last time was a fluke anyway, maybe the alcohol,” you say.

“You’ll just have to drink a bit more then,” he says, walking away, you following in suit.  

“I think there was more to it than that,” you mumble.  

“Yeah, skill,” he pauses when in the room so that you are stood next to him, a cheeky smile on his face as he places an arm around your shoulders.  

Guiding you through the room, he takes you to a different group from earlier who were all sat around chatting on the sofa, a pack of playing cards lay in front of them. Hoseok was there next to the same girl that dragged him off from the start, Taehyung sat next to Jungkook and two other girls you hadn’t met.  

“Got my partner,” Jimin announces loudly as he pulls you to sit by him in the empty seats, his arm still around you.  

“Ahh, the winning partner I hear,” Jungkook says.

“I’ve just been saying that I think Jimins expectations are too high,” you say shyly as everyone's eyes are on you.  

“You were the best last time,” Hoseok chimes in and you give him a small smile in thanks.  

“If she can remember it,” Taehyung adds and your face heats at the memory as everyone Hoseok, Jimin and Taehyung give a small laugh at the memory. Jimin gives your shoulder a small squeeze in reassurance seeing your embarrassed look.  

Turns out last time was not a fluke and though you joke that Jimin was sabotaging your team for being so rubbish, you ultimately win. Ice broken, and alcohol coursing through your system, you feel more comfortable at the party and start to actually enjoy yourself. Though you end up not really speaking to Hoseok, you talk to his friends and have the best time.  

Staying up later that you thought, you actually start to see people leave. Clearing up and taking some of the dirty cups to the kitchen you try and make the flat look less like a bomb site.  

As you clean the living room up a bit you think about how good a time you’d had. How nervous you were but everyone had made you feel at home, part of the group. You wish you’d spoken to Hoseok more, as he was the reason you were there, but it was his party with all his friends, there were obviously going to be people there he wanted to speak to more than you.  

“Come on, we’ll clear all this up tomorrow,” Hoseok voice comes from behind you as you start to make a pile of glasses by the sink and you jump slightly, not hearing him enter the room.  

“I just think if I do a bit now, it will save doing it tomorrow,” you continue to pile up the glasses.  

“Just stop,” Hoseok says, his voice getting louder as he walks closer to you. “I’ll sort it out tomorrow.”  

Continuing to ignore him, you instead start to fill the sink with water. Hoseoks hand grabs your wrist, stopping you from doing anything more, his other hand turning the tap off.  

“I said, it’s fine,” his voice has dropped an octave, and it almost sends a shiver down your spine.  

You turn around to face him, not expecting him to be stood so close.  

“I just wanted to be helpful,” you look to the ground, unable to meet his eye as your heart beat picks up. “It is your birthday after all. You can’t be the one to clean up.”  

“You’ve been more than helpful,” he says, his hand that was encompassing your wrist drops down so that he is now holding your hand. “Plus, I enjoy cleaning.”  

“Is no one staying over tonight? No Jimin?” You ask, trying, but failing, to relieve the tension that has arisen in the room.  

“No one,” he replies. “Just the two of us,” he says, and your face heats.  

“Well, I had a great night. I hope you enjoyed it too,” you attempt again to ease the tension that has arisen in the room with a change in topic.  

“I really loved it. Nice to see everyone. Sorry I didn’t get to talk to you more, I really wanted to but people kept pulling me away.”  

“It’s fine, everyone wants to talk to the birthday boy,” you say. “Your friends were nice though, they made me feel really welcome and like I was part of the group.”

“They all loved you,” he says and you roll your eyes at him though the smile that comes to your face gives you away.  

“Well, they were easy to get on with,” you say.  

A silence comes over the room as you stare into each other's eyes. Hoseoks thumb slowly runs along the side of your hand as he continues to hold it. The tension in the room gets almost unbearable and you have to break it, unsure how it had built so high after just a short conversation.  

“I have a present for you,” your voice sounds loud after the silence.  

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” he says.  

“It’s in my bedroom,” you say, taking your hand out of his as you walk towards your room, hoping he got the hint that you wanted him to follow you.  

Reaching your room, you dig through the draw where you put the present. Finding it you turn around to see Hoseok leaning against the wall next to your door.  

“Here you go,” you hand him the rectangular gift. A wide smile breaks out on his face, his big white teeth on show. “It’s nothing big,” you try to lower his expectations.  

“I already love it,” he says, having not removed any wrapping paper.  

“Well, open it before you make any assumptions,” you say, nerves taking over as you watch him rip open the gift.  

As the paper gets taken off, a gold rimmed photo frame appears. A photo of seven smiling men within it.

“I asked Jimin for a photo,” you explain as his eyes light up at the gift. “So you can blame him if you don’t like it.” As the silence continues you start to worry that he is disappointed so you decide to fill the silence. “I just thought how you said you wanted more pictures around the flat, and this could be the start.”

“I love it,” he says as he finally looks up at you and you can’t describe the look in his eye. Reaching out he places the frame on top of the draws next to him. “I honestly love it.”

Hoseoks face almost impossibly lights up more when he sees a smile come to your face. Opening his arms up, he looks at you questioningly.  

“Can I give you a thank you hug?” He asks.

Heat rising to your face, you step towards him in answer, getting just close enough for him to be able to take you in his arms. He takes a small step forward so that the tips of your toes are almost touching before wrapping his arms around you. Almost in shock at the contact, your arms remain by your side for half a second before you think that it would be weird if you didn’t hug him back.

Putting your arms around his waist you take in how your head fits perfectly into the crook of his neck. How your arms fit around his waist, whenever you had seen him, he wore loose clothing and you had never noticed how slim he was, not just that, but how toned he was. With your nose pressed to his shirt you smell the alcohol he had been drinking all night, but there was also the overwhelming smell of him, a masculine, earthy smell mixed with clean linen. His hand slowly runs up and down your back in a soothing motion and you can feel the faint whisps of air coming from his nose on top your head.  

Unsure how long you stay like that, and feeling like you could stay in his arms forever, you finally pull away from his embrace. The smile is still plastered on Hoseoks face when you look at him, and neither of you make a move to step away from each other.  

“Thanks,” he whispers again and you would have laughed if the tension wasn’t so harsh.  

“It’s nothing,” you say just as quietly.  

Before you can step away or saying anything else, you are pulled into another hug. This time he seems to step impossibly closer, his feet now either side of yours so that your chests are flush against one another. Your heart rate increases and you worry that he can feel it trying to escape your chest.  

Hoseok pulls away just enough so that he can look into your eyes, but keeps his arms tight around you, chests still pressed against one another. Leaning down he places a kiss on your cheek, your face heating at the spot that his lips touch.  

“I love it,” he says as he pulls away again so he can look into your eyes.  

Unsure what to reply, words escaping you in that moment, you remain silent as you stare at him. He leans down again and kisses your other cheek and you are sure it’s the alcohol causing him to act this way.  

“And thanks for the party,” he says.  

“I- It- It was mainly your friends,” you manage to stutter out.  

Hoseok simply hums at you as his eyes flicker between yours, and you don’t miss when they occasionally flick down to your lips. Time seems to slow in the moment, and in a way you’re are thankful, wanting to stay in this moment for as long as possible.  

“Can I kiss you?” His voice is impossibly quiet but you catch every word.

Your head gives the smallest nod that you would have thought was invisible to the human eye, but Hoseok obviously notices as his head slowly moves towards yours.  

As soon as his lips touch yours, you feel almost paralysed, your mind goes blank and it’s as if your body forgets how to work. But as his lips slowly move against yours, your mind suddenly speeds up and whirls into action. Your lips start to move in time with Hoseok and a small moan of approvement escapes his lips. As your hands move up to the nape of his neck, his move down to rest on your hips, squeezing and kneading you skin slightly. Pulling away you rest your foreheads together as slow pants come out of your lips.  

“Please don’t say thank you,” you say and Hoseok gives a big laugh at the words, his head going to your shoulder as his body slightly shakes in your arms.

Once calmed down enough he brings his head back up to look at you and you feel the tension ease as the big smile remains on his face. His forehead is no longer resting on yours, but you still remain close, arms wrapped around each other.  

“I should probably get to bed,” Hoseok says, though he doesn’t make a move to leave.  

“Yeah, it is getting pretty late,” you say, though you also don’t move from your position.  

Leaning down, Hoseoks lips encase yours and slowly move in a steady rhythm. The kiss is less desperate and heated as the one that happened moments ago, and it is shorter, your lips separating after hardly anytime. Brushing a piece of hair behind your ear, Hoseok finally step away from you.  

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says, a wide smile on his face as he slowly backs towards the door.  

“I’ll be in the kitchen cleaning all those glasses,” you joke.  

“Don’t do them all without me,” Hoseok warns you. Giving you one last glance, he turns and heads to his own room.  

Lying in the bed that night, you aren’t sure whether it’s the alcohol coursing through your veins or the lingering feeling of Hoseoks lips on yours that causes you to stay awake for what feels like hours.  

It’s the next day, when the sink is full of hot water ready for you wash up, that you next see Hoseok. Hearing his door open and close, you turn to look as he walks through the kitchen door. You have to stop the coo that almost leaves your lips at the sight of him. Striped, long, soft, pyjamas don his body, the crotch low making his legs look small. His hair looks fluffy and soft as he has obviously just rolled out of bed, a brush not having gone through it yet. His eyes are small and slightly puffy from sleep. A small yawn leaves his lips and his hands rub his tired eyes as he steps into the room.  

“Morning,” you say semi cheerfully as you turn back to the sink, rolling up your sleeves as you take the first item to wash.  

“I’m here to help,” his morning voice is raspy and you wish you had a recording of it so you could listen to it over and over.  

“I was serious when I said I’m fine doing it alone,” you say, concentration still on the dishes as you feel him come and stand next to you. He picks up the wet glass you had just washed and dries it before putting it away.  

“And I was serious when I said I wanted to help,” he says as you hand him another glass to dry. “I actually enjoy cleaning and clearing up. Is that weird?”  

“It can be therapeutic,” you agree.

“I just like things clean,” he says and you give a small chuckle.  

“I mean Rosie did say I would have to keep the flat clean when I first spoke to her,” you say. “She made it sound more like it was an advert for a cleaning job than for a spare room,” you exaggerate, teasing him.  

“I’ve just said I like to clean,” his voice comes out slightly whiney, and when you look at him there is a small pout on his lips, though you can tell he is teasing.  

“Then why did you make it sound like a weird cleaning job?” You laugh.  

“That wasn’t my idea,” he holds the hand up that hasn’t got a glass in it, finger pointed, eyebrows raised. “But I do like a tidy house, so I agreed to it.”

“Guess you don’t want any messy weirdo,” you continue to laugh as you pass him another glass to dry.  

“Unlucky I got you then, hey,” he says and manages to dodge the small splash of water that you aim at him.  

“Didn’t seem like you felt that way last night,” the words slip out of your mouth before you even think, and as your mind catches up to what you have said your face heats. The room falls silent and you’re glad that your focus is on the sink, Hoseok unable to see the shock written all over your face.  

“I guess you’ve grown on me,” he says after the seconds silence. “You did offer to clean up after the party.”

“Oh,” you say in a mock shocked voice as you turn to look at him. “So is that your thing?” You ask as you look on his face. “Cleaning turns you on?” You clarify and you are unsure where your confidence has come from.  

A slight pink tints his cheeks and your smile grows at the fact that you had caused that. Your confidence growing in the process.  

“If that was my thing, I would have done more than just kiss you,” and with those few words your confidence is crushed. Your head whips back to look at the bubbles in the sink, face hot as you avoid his eye contact.  

Hearing his steps coming back to stand next to you, ready for another glass, you glance at him long enough to hand him the one you had just washed, seeing the wide, almost proud smile on his face you go back to looking at the sink.  

“So when we’ve finished washing these, fancy tackling the living room?” You don’t give him time to answer before continuing. “I have a feeling there are going to be crumbs everywhere, and I think I saw Jin smashing some cake in Jungkooks face at one point, so I expect there will be icing everywhere too.”  

“I’m fine to do that alone. Surely you have better things to do today?” You roll your eyes at his words, though you are secretly glad that he had allowed the conversation to move on from the kiss.  

“We’ve been over this,” you sigh. “If we just do it together, it will be done quicker.”  

“OK, and then can we watch something and eat lots of food after?” He asks in an almost pouty voice and you laugh but agree.  

As predicted the living room was full of crumbs, bits of cake, and some more dishes that you hadn’t taken to the sink earlier. But working together it took no time for the flat to be back to its normal self. For once the two of you didn’t order in food, instead you quickly whipped up some food, saying that it would make the both of you feel better to eat something fresh.  

Bringing the food into the living room Hoseok was already lay on the sofa flicking through film options on the TV.  

“So I’m thinking either, 10 things I hate about you, or 13 going on 30?” Hoseok says as you hand him a plate and flop down next to him.  

“You really love chick flicks don’t you,” you give a small chuckle as you look at him.  

“I just love the romance, the happy endings, the kissing,” he teases, wiggling his eyes at you as you roll your eyes, looking back at the TV to hide your embarrassment.  

“Just play 10 things I hate about you,” you sigh, shoving some food in your mouth as Hoseok presses play.  

Throughout the film you find yourself drifting in and out of sleep. 10 things I hate about you turns into 13 going on 30, which turns into Notting Hill. By this point you feel more awake and you are both sat up watching the film, Hoseok had gone and got snacks at some point so you were both munching on those.  

“I’d love to own a bookstore,” you say through a mouthful of popcorn as the film shows a young Hugh Grant stood in his bookstore.  

“You love that snug so much it doesn’t surprise me,” Hoseok replies.  

“And then imagine some famous walking in,” you sigh dreamily. “And I mean someone as famous as her, she’s supposed to be one of the most famous people ever in this film. I think I’d freeze if that happened to me.”  

Hoseok chuckles to himself as you speak, not saying anything as you ramble on about the film.  

“But he just invites her back to his flat? I mean he has just spilt juice all over her, but still, I think I’d run away mortified,” you say.  

“Really?” You can’t quite decipher the tone of Hoseoks voice, and when you turn to look at him you see an almost smug, knowing look on his face.  

“Yeah,” you say, though less sure of yourself now that you are looking at him. “Wouldn’t you?”  

At that Hoseok turns back to look at the TV, the smug smile still on his face. “Depends who it was I guess.”  

“Someone really famous, that everyone knows,” you say.

“Go on name someone,” he turns back to you, eyebrows raised in question awaiting your answer.  

You give a small hum as you think. “I’m not the best with famous people,” you say and another chuckle leaves Hoseoks lips. “I don’t know. Leonardo DiCaprio? Hugh Grant?” You say pointing at the man on the screen.

“Well they may not have the same desired effect on me, as they would have on you,” he says a smile on his face as your cheeks warm. “But sure, maybe I’d panic a bit. I think I’d probably have more of a desire to talk to them though, ask them about their careers, their lives.”  

“And that is where we have a major difference in views,” you say. “I could never talk to someone like that.”  

“But they’re just people?” Hoseok says.  

“Of course. They’re just completely different people to me,” you say. “They probably wouldn’t be interested in talking to me anyway. I’m sure they have loads of people go and say how much they love them, ask them the same questions over and over, the last thing they would want is me going over.”  

“True,” Hoseok says. “But I am also sure that they would enjoy hearing it. It must be nice to hear that people like what you are doing. But like you said, not if there's hundreds of people doing the same thing.”

“Must be weird,” you say.  

“What?” He asks.

“To have everyone know who you are. Everything you do scrutinised. I mean look, she can’t even go into this guys flat without everyone swarming on the place,” you say, the TV showing Hugh and Julia hiding out in his flat with press outside the door.  

Hoseok simply hums in response, eyes on the TV.  

“I don’t think it’s a life I’d want,” you say and Hoseok turns to look at you, an almost sadness in his eyes.  

“Even if it was a consequence of doing something you love?”  

“I’m not sure there would be anything worth it,” you say. “To have your life completely invaded. I don’t know.”  

Hoseok simply nods his head as if understanding, but the sadness remains in his eyes and you are unsure why.  

“But I can see why people do it,” you say, trying to lighten the weirdly sad mood that had fallen over the room. “Notting Hill is pretty. I bet it costs a lot more to live there now than it did when this was filmed,” you decide to change the topic of conversation.  

“Yeah, I like all the brightly coloured houses,” he agrees with you.  

“Have you ever been?”  

“I’ve been to London, but it was a business trip so I didn’t really get to go around everywhere I’d like to,” he says. “You ever been?”

“No, but I’d love to. It always looks so pretty in films. I think I’d rather go there than New York,” you say.  

“Really? I feel like most people would say the opposite,” he says.  

“Yeah, but I feel like there are more places in England I would want to visit. America is so big you would just do New York and then have to do LA or somewhere else another trip,” you reason.  

“I guess,” Hoseok shrugs. “You should just go if you want to.”

“I will one day, I just need to save up enough money and save up some holiday from work first,” you say, Hoseok nodding. “And find someone who would want to come with me,” you chuckle.  

“You wouldn’t go alone?”

“Maybe, but isn’t it funer to experience these things with people?”  

“Yeah, I guess it’s nice to have the memories with someone,” he agrees. “Well if you ever need a travelling buddy, I’d come with you.”

You weren’t expecting him to say that and he can tell by the way your eyebrows shoot up your forehead, you mouth popping open in surprise. “Really?” You question.

“Why not?” He laughs at your reaction.  

“Not too busy?” You ask.

“I’d have to fit it around my schedule, but if you’re waiting to build up money and holiday anyway, then I don’t see why it wouldn’t work.”

You think about what he was saying. You still feel like you don’t really know much about Hoseok, yet here he was offering to go on holiday with you as if you were best friends. But part of you wanted to take him up on the offer, wanted to travel the world with the man, wanted to have memories of him in places around that you dreamed of visiting.  

“Alright, deal,” you say smiling at him, getting a big beaming smile in return.  

As much as you wanted to travel with the man, you honestly had no thought that it would actually ever happen. He was far too busy. He was probably saying it to make you feel like you had someone to go with, to be nice. Because that was what Hoseok was, nice. But you could at least pretend that the offer was real, that maybe one day you would travel with him. So that’s why you agreed, to let part of you hold that small fantasy.  

The rest of the day was spent watching more films with Hoseok, falling into easy with him, growing ever closer to him. You almost didn’t want the day to end, enjoying the rare time you got to actually talk to him in person. But eventually you both went your rooms in your separate rooms.

Life went back to its more normal routine after that. Or what you had grown to see as normal anyway. Back at work, only being able to talk to Hoseok through post-it notes and texts, hearing him come home late at night, you leaving for work before he was up for the day. In a weird way you missed him, though you were still speaking to him all the time you wished you could see him in person, even if it was just a passing hi in the hallway.  

You hung out with Lily and Eddie, hung out with people from work, went out shopping and to coffee shops on your own, but it never felt the same as just sitting on the sofa with Hoseok. You wanted to text him to ask when he would next be off work so that you could do it again, but you always chickened out when going to send the text.  

The answer to your unasked question came after a few weeks. Sat watching something in the living room on a weekend you had assumed that Hoseok was either away or had left before you had awoken that day. But he walked into the room in his usual long pyjamas and ruffled hair and you couldn’t help the shocked expression that came to your face. He didn’t notice though as his eyes were almost squinted shut.  

Flopping down onto the sofa, his head lay almost touching your lap and you could see how red his nose was from blowing it so frequently, his eyes puffy.  

“You OK?” You speak for the first time and try to refrain from running your hand through his already ruffled hair.

“Just got a bit of a cold,” his voice is gravely and you didn’t think the sound would affect you as much as it did, it reminding you of his voice after his birthday when he had just woken up.  

“Need me to get you anything? Water, paracetamol, soup?” You list some options, already preparing to stand up.  

“No,” he whines slightly, his hand reaching above his head and tapping around in search of your leg, his eyes still closed. “I just want you to stay here,” he says as his hand rests against your leg and the spot warms at the contact.  

“I’ll be back in a second, I’m just going to get you a drink,” you ignore his whines as you stand up, his arm flopping down to the floor.  

It takes you hardly any time to get some water for him, coming back in to find him in the same position. Placing the glass on the table in front of him you take your original seat, though a bit further away from him this time.  

His hand comes up from the floor though and repeats the same action as before, blindly searching for you and you watch as he can’t quite reach you. Raising his head and opening his eyes to squint at you a pout forms on his lips as he sees you’ve moved away from him.  

“Come here,” he says, patting the place you earlier occupied.  

Heat raises to your face as you shuffle closer to him. Once close enough he looks up into your eyes, a small smile on his face as he makes his whole-body shuffle closer to you, his head now in the perfect position to rest on your legs.  

You stiffen at the contact, while Hoseok hums out lowly, making himself comfy. Looking down at him you can just make out that his eyes are closed as his head faces the TV. After a few minutes and coming to the conclusion that the man is going nowhere you start to relax slightly. Looking down at him again you finally decide to do what you’d be wanting to do since he lay down on the sofa. Picking your hand up you gently run your hand through his hair, nails running gently along his scalp. A satisfied hum leaves Hoseoks mouth at the feeling and he shuffles impossibly closer to you.  

“That feels nice,” his croaky voice sounds out.  

“Maybe you should take some paracetamol,” you say.

A groan leaves his lips showing how much he opposes the idea. “I took some earlier,” he says. “It’s just a cold, I’ve probably just over worked myself a bit, I’ll be fine by the end of the day. I just want to lie here for a bit.”  

“How long ago?” The strokes of his hair never ceasing as you both speak. “You should try and take your full dose if you want to feel better.”  

“Alright mum,” he whines, sitting up he reaches out and takes the glass of water you had placed on the table. As you shuffle to the end of the sofa ready to go get him some pills a hand comes out to stop you. “I’ve got it,” he says before standing up and heading to the kitchen.

“You looked after me when I was ill, why can’t I repay the favour?” You ask when he re-enters the room, paracetamol in hand.  

“You can,” he says and he comes back to his earlier position. “The hair stroking was making me feel much better,” he looks up at you, head on your lap, smile on his face.  

Smiling down at him you go back to trailing your hand through his hair and he twists back to look at the TV, though he closes his eyes. It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep in your lap, but you continue to run fingers along his scalp, secretly loving the feeling yourself.  

You could easily have slipped Hoseok from your lap, could easily escaped from under him. You had planned on doing some stuff around the flat that day, your sheets needed to be changed for one, and you need to go pick up some food from the shops. But as he lay in your lap, you couldn’t help but stare at his pristine face, taking in all his features. And the last thing you wanted to do in that moment was move away from him. So you sat watching the TV for nearly an hour before Hoseok started to stir.  

“Good sleep?” You spoke softly when he seemed to be fully awake.

“How long have I been out?” He asks, rubbing his eyes and sitting up.  

“About an hour. Looks like you needed it,” you say.  

“An hour? You didn’t have to stay,” he replies, stretching his arms out in a stretch as a yawn escapes his lips.  

“I didn’t mind,” you half mumble. “You must be hungry though. I need to go pick up some food from the shop anyway, so do you want me to get anything for you?”  

“I’ll come with you,” he says, legs being pulled out and dropping down so that his feet hit the floor.  

“I’m going anyway,” you repeat your statement.  

“Anyone would think you don’t want to be seen with me in public,” he says, looking down at you from his standing position.  

“It’s just, you’re obviously not well I don’t want you to get more ill,” you say.  

“I feel way better, like I said earlier, I get these colds all the time when I’ve had a heavy work schedule and they normally go by the end of the day. That nap has sorted me right out,” he gives you a wide smile as if to try and convince you, but you can both tell that it nor his words have made you any less concerned for his health. “The fresh air will do me good?” It comes out as a question as he continues to try and persuade you to let him go.  

“Well there's no way I can stop you,” you sigh, but a small chuckle leaves your lips as Hoseok jumps in celebration.  

“Let me just change, I’ll be 5 minutes,” he shouts as he runs out the room.  

As you sit waiting for him you can’t help but smile. You couldn’t explain what it was about him but he made you feel like no one had ever done before. Maybe it was the way his smile seemed to brighten the room, maybe how his personality was always happy even on a day like today when he was obviously not feeling 100% he could still make you smile, maybe the fact that you felt like you could have a real conversation with him, joke with him, tell him things without feeling like he would judge you. You still felt like you hardly knew the man, yet you constantly wanted to be around him, would miss when he wasn’t in the flat, your heart would skip a beat when you saw a text arrive from him.  

Maybe it was just the fact that he was your flatmate. That you share so much with someone you live with. That even if he was hardly here, you saw a different side to someone when you lived with them. Maybe you would have felt this way towards anyone you lived with. After all you were very fond of Lily, and by extension Eddie, who you had lived with, granted you had been friends with Lily before living with her, but living with her had caused your friendship to grow even closer.  

It took the promised 5 minutes for Hoseok to come back into the room, as promised. Snapping out of your thoughts you looked up to see him wearing some baggy black trousers, a big white top tucked into the front showing off his skinny waist. He held a hat and mask in his hand as he smiled at you.  

“Ready?” He asked.  

Standing up you give him a smile and a small nod as you walk towards him. He makes a small gap so you can get past him to the front door.  

“You looked deep in thought,” he says and though it’s not a question you know he is expecting an answer.

Face heating you shrug as you put your shoes on and pick up your bag. “Just thinking about what I need to buy,” you say, turning to look at him as you stand ready to go. “Do you not want a jacket?”

“It’s warm enough to not need one,” he says.

“But you’re not well. You don’t want to make yourself more ill,” you scold him.  

He simply rolls his eyes, walking towards you he opens the door and puts a hand on your back giving you a small push so that you walk through the door. “I’ll be fine,” he says as he follows you out. “Like I said, I already feel worlds better.”  

Riding the elevator down Hoseok puts his mask and hat on, obscuring his face but you can still see when his eyes squint in happiness and hear his voice when he talks to you. Saying a thank you to Keith as he opens the door for you both, you realise that this is the first time you have been with Hoseok outside of the flat. It felt kind of weird to be with him outside, almost unnatural.  

Walking beside Hoseok though you fall into easy conversation with him, forgetting any worries altogether. Going round the shop Hoseok mainly trails behind you, commenting on a few items that you put in your basket, asking if you can add some other items, which you gladly do. It felt normal, not that you had really expected anything else, but the whole thing struck you as nice and it made you feel more and more like you wanted to hang out with the man.  

As expected Hoseok tried to pay for the food, but you refused saying that most of the items were for you anyway. As he had paid for 2 takeaways and hadn’t let you pay him back in the end was enough for him to roll his eyes and put his wallet away. Though when it came to carrying the bag of groceries home, he would not take no as an answer.  

Back in the flat you seem to fall into an almost rehearsed routine of putting the food away, both ebbing and flowing to the get fridge and cupboards needed.  

“So what we cooking?” You ask when everything's away.  

Turning you see Hoseok leaning against the island looking at you, no words spoke.  

“What?” You ask, wondering if you had something on your face the way he was looking at you.  

“Nothing,” he says with a small smirk on his face and when you continue to look at him confused he carries on. “It’s just being in here reminds me of the party. Of when we kissed.”

Face instantly heats at his words. Sure you had inadvertently spoken about it for all of 2 minutes the morning after, otherwise it was some unspoken topic that you assumed Hoseok wanted to forget.  

“Oh,” you say turning away from him to busy yourself with something.  

“Do you not think about it too?" He says and you can hear his voice getting closer.

“It crosses my mind,” you lie, back still to him, because honestly there isn’t a day when you don’t think about his lips on yours.  

“I can’t get it out of my head,” he agrees with the thoughts swimming in your mind.  

His voice is so close that it shouldn’t be a surprise when you turn and he is stood almost on top of you. Craning your neck you look up at him.  

“Really?” You say unsure if he was lying, though you can’t think why he would.

His hand comes out and rests on your face, thumb slowly brushing your cheek.

“Yeah,” he says softly as his head starts to lean towards you.  

Head spinning, a million thoughts run through your mind and yet the words that escape your mouth are, “you’re ill.”

A small laugh sounds out, lips curve up into a smile. “I told you I feel fine,” he says, but then slowly starts to back away. “But if you’re worried you’ll catch something.”  

Panic is the only thing that crosses your mind as you watch him retreat. Cursing yourself for saying anything in the first place, you raise your hand so that it’s on top of the one on your face.  

“I’ll risk it,” you say.  

A brighter smile takes over his face before he comes in again. Faster this time there is no time before his lips are connected with yours.  

The kiss starts of gentle, lips moulding together in synchronised movement. But as soon as you feel his tongue swipe at your lips and then the feeling of his tongue in your mouth, the kiss turns more heated. Hoseok gently pushes you back until you feel the kitchen island behind you. Hips push into yours and you can’t help but feel his growing excitement, a groan escapes your lips at the realisation and you can’t help but push your hips forward to gain some more friction.  

Panting Hoseok parts from you long enough to say “bedroom?”  

You nod at him. His hands come down to your thighs and you jump up so that he can carry you to his room. Lips attached to one another you hardly notice when you enter his room, only conscious when he drops you down onto his bed. It’s only then that you think about the fact you have never seen his room, but all thoughts of this are ripped from your mind as Hoseok strips himself of his top. Standing above you in nothing but his trousers you can’t help as your eyes travel down his toned torso.  

A small chuckle leaves his lips as he watches you, crawling up your body so that his face is level with yours he asks, “like what you see?”  

Your answer comes as you grab the back of his neck, pulling him down to connect your lips again.  

Frantic is the word you would describe the action of you and Hoseok stripping each other of your clothes. Down to just your underwear you almost gasp when you feel his fingers gently slide up the inside of your thigh, stopping just where you want him.  

“Are you sure?” He asks and your heart grows at how sweet he is even in this moment.

“Yes,” is all you have to say before you pulls your pants down your legs before bringing his fingers to your clit. Moaning as beings to move, one hand on your thigh keeping your legs open. When your feel a finger enter you, your head lulls back into the pillow, a loud groan escaping you as he continues his assault.  

“Hoseok,” you moan and he adds another finger, continuing his torture. “Hoseok, please,” you try again to get his attention.

“What is it love?” He says and all you can think is how wrong you were when you thought his morning voice was sexy, because surely this was really what you wanted to hear all the time.  

Your mind goes blank at the sound and the feeling of him between your legs. After a second to regain yourself you try again, “Hoseok, please I need you.”

His fingers slow at your request, clearly flustered. The feeling of his fingers leaving you makes you whelp, missing the feeling instantly. But Hoseok crawls up your body, lips kissing every inch that he comes into contact with as he goes. Finally face to face he gives you a small kiss he looks you in the eye.  

“You’re sure?” He asks.  

“Yes,” you say again and watch as his eyes brighten.  

He pulls away from you to reach to his nightstand, coming back with a foil packet in his hand. Pulling his pants down you watch as he rolls the condom down his erection, giving it a few strokes before looking back at you.  

His lips attach back to yours, tongue easily slipping into your mouth. Groaning at the feel of his tip slowly caressing your folds. His lips only separate from yours when he sinks into you, a few pants leave his lips as he bottoms out. He stays like that for a few seconds, obviously trying to gather himself, but when he starts to moving your hips against him he starts to thrust in you.  

It’s slow and sensual and you would almost describe it as making love. Lips messy as they move against each other, separating every so often only to be attached to another part, neck, chest, shoulder, anything you can get contact with.  

He seems to hit every nerve within you and it doesn’t take you long to start to reach your high. As you are pushed over the edge, Hoseoks hips speedy slightly into a sloppy rhythm as he chases his own high which follows closely behind yours.  

Collapsing onto of you, you kiss his shoulder as he remains inside of you panting lightly. Pushing onto his elbows he looks down at you.  

“I should have done that sooner,” he admits and you smile up at him.  

“You’ve been busy,” you try to give him an excuse.  

“I could have made time,” he smirks.  

Pulling out of you, you instantly miss the feeling. But Hoseok rolls next to you, pulling you into his chest, his arms encompassing you.  

“Stay here tonight?” He whispers into your ear.  

“It is quite far for me to get home,” you joke and he kisses your temple with a laugh.  

“Would hate anything to happen to you between here and your room,” he plays along.  

You swivel to get into a more comfortable position, your head now on his chest as his hand runs up and down your arm. Feeling sleep take over you can’t help but feel happy. You hadn’t had anything like this in so long and yet this seemed to feel natural, nice. Sleep finally takes you over and you feel like you have never slept better than you do wrapped in Hoseoks arms.  

You and Hoseok fell into a weird but almost natural relationship after that. Some nights when he came home you would end up making out on the sofa, TV on but ignored in the background. Sometimes things would progress and he would pick you up, lips still attached to his as your legs wrap around his waist, while he carries you to his room. Not sure if you would call it making love, not like the first time you did it, but not far off. You would spend as many nights together as possible, mainly opting to stay in his room.  

Sometimes you would wake up to an empty bed, but your favourite mornings were when you would wake up and find him still asleep next to you. You would trace patterns on his bare chest, watching as it rose and feel in a steady rhythm. You felt at peace, happy, and almost like you were falling in love with the man.  

But you were living in an almost bubble, and that bubble abruptly popped one Sunday morning when you woke up all alone in bed. Not thinking anything of it, you went about your normal routine, getting some breakfast and a drink before heading to the living room. Switching on the TV though, you stopped mid chew as you watched the TV that had been left on some gossip channel.  

Pictures of you were plastered over the screen, walking out the building you lived in, some of you carrying birthday balloons and decorations from a week or so ago. As these disappeared new photos of Jimin and the boys appeared, all dressed in the outfits they had been wearing for the party. And lastly one of Hoseok walking into the building, the words J-Hopes birthday celebrations the only thing you manage to pick up on in your confusion.  

Focusing more on what the news reader was saying you hear her talking about a boyband you’d heard of called BTS. Questioning whether the girl in the pictures was J-Hopes new girlfriend as they had been seen entering the building where he lives all the time, most recently to decorate for his birthday. Some sources had confirmed that she lived there, though they didn’t say what sources they were.  

The girl they were talking about, you realised, was you. Your mind seemed to be working slowly, trying to piece together a puzzle that seemed easy but was proving to be difficult, or maybe it you were purposefully not putting the pieces together correctly. Taking your phone out of your pocket you decide to google the most logical thing, BTS. Photos and news stories pop up showing the 6 boys you had met just a few days ago as well as the boy you lived with. Many of the latest new stories seemed to be following a similar theme to what you had just watched on the TV, speculating as to whether you were J-Hopes new girlfriend.  

Making the mistake of skimming a few stories you reach the comments section and your stomach nearly flips at what you read. Comments about how you weren’t pretty enough to be dating Hoseok, how you must just be a cleaner or employed to help set up for his party, people saying you didn’t deserve to be dating him.  

You have to close the search engine and instead head over to Instagram. This didn’t prove to be much better. Your account was set to private but overnight you had gained hundreds of new follow requests. Skimming through them you realised you didn’t know any of them, 90% seemed to be BTS fan pages. Again messages had been sent to your Instagram page from people saying that you didn’t deserve Hoseok and that he was too good for you, that you weren’t pretty and he would never be interested in you. There were a few nice comments but you seemed to be blind to them.  

Still in shock, toast forgotten, you decide to put your phone down as tears start to well in your eyes. How could you have been so stupid to think he was a normal person? You knew that he was someone and yet you chose to ignore it. You should have googled him and then none of this would have come as a surprise.  

What hurt the most though was that he didn’t bring it up. There had been plenty of times when he could have told you. Did he not trust you enough? Did he think you would go to the magazines and sell some sort of story about him? Maybe he didn’t know you as well as you thought, you certainly didn’t know him as well as you thought. Thinking back to all the time you had spent with him, all the times you spoken to him, kissed him, slept with him. Was that all it was to him, because to you it was more than just sex.  

You remember the time you watched films together. How you had watched Notting Hill and how you had discussed what it would be like to run into a celebrity. He had laughed at you, you didn’t really think much about it at the time, but now you realised he was laughing at you. Laughing at the fact that you were living with a celebrity that seemingly everyone knew. Laughing at the fact the night before you had been at a party full of famous people and you hadn’t even noticed. If there was any moment that he could have told you it was surely then. But he didn’t tell you, merely mocked you almost behind your back. You could almost imagine everyone from the party laughing at you behind your back, at how stupid you looked, how naive you were.  

You feel embarrassment wash over you at the thoughts, when something flashes up on the screen. A letter with the header BigHit, the news reader reads out the statement that had been released just minutes ago from the company Hoseok works for. It denies that you two are dating, which is true to an extent. They say that you are just friends, that is all, nothing more. You lived in the same building and that’s how you had met, which again was true to an extent. They seemed to emphasis throughout that the two of you were just friends, nothing more, and nothing more will ever happen.  

The statement was the last straw for you. Hearing it read out to you in such a plain way made the tears that were welling in your eyes escape, rolling down your cheeks. Without thinking you pick up your phone and call the one person you feel you can speak to.  

“Lily?” You question even though you know it’s her.  

“What’s wrong?” You hear the worry thick in her voice as it’s obvious you are crying.  

“Can I move back in?” You ask. “Just until I find somewhere else to live.”  

“What’s happened? Why do you want to move out? Nothing bad has happened has it, you’re not hurt or anything?” Lily questions, her mind going to all the worst possible scenarios.  

“No, I’m fine. I just don’t think I can live here anymore,” you continue to cry.  

“Of course you can move back in,” she says, slight relief in her voice, though you can hear she is still worried about what would have happened for you to want to move out.

“Thanks,” you say. “I’ll explain everything when I see you. I think I’m going to pack up and head over now.”

“Ok,” Lily’s voice is full of confusion, but she doesn’t deny you moving back. “Do you need me to come and help?”  

“No, it’s fine. I won’t be long. I’ll text you when I’m on my way,” you say before hanging up, a fresh wave of tears escaping your eyes as you look around the room.  

Looking at your phone the main thing you notice is the fact that there are no new messages. No contact from Hoseok. None from any of the other boys. He must really not care about you, you think as you stand and start to pack up all the belongings you could carry. You’d get a taxi to help.  

Looking around your room one last time, it feels weird leaving it bare, used to the bright colours it normally held. It looked so much bigger without all your belongs, even though you didn’t have much stuff, and you were leaving some of it behind, the room looked sad and empty.  

Knocking on the door, you hardly see Lily through your teary eyes when she opens the door. You aren’t even sure it was Lily, it could have been Eddie. But you know it’s her when you are pulled into a tight hug and hear Lily asking what the matter is. Instead of answering her verbally you drop the bags that are in your hands and hug her just as tightly.  

It takes a while for you to calm down enough to explain what has got you into that state. Eddie having to help Lily calm you, making you a tea and grabbing tissues while Lily just continues to hug you. You are such a reck that you have to make sure that they know that nothing serious had happened to you.  

“I’m over reacting I know,” you sniffle when you finish telling them what happened.  

“Not over reacting. I’m more upset you didn’t tell us sooner,” Lily says, and you shoot her a tear-filled glare.  

“I don’t think this is the time for jokes,” Eddie says.  

“Ok, too soon, sorry,” Lily says. “But no, you’re really not over reacting. He should have told you sooner. He shouldn’t have kept you in the dark about who he was. He shouldn’t have used your naivety in his favour. And he should have at least messaged you by now to check how you are, if his company has released a statement then he will know what’s happened. If I was you, I would have been just as upset, just as pissed off.”  

“But I was naïve wasn’t I?” You say. “I knew he was someone. Even if I didn’t know who he was I could easily have googled it, but I thought I was respecting his privacy. But maybe he wanted me to google him and save him the job, maybe he assumed I knew who he was. Maybe he just didn’t care.”

“Even if he assumed you knew, he should have spoken to you about it,” Lily talks firmly, as if it will help to get her words into your head. “He shouldn’t have let you go through that in the dark and alone.”  

A few more tears escape your eyes as she speaks, a mixture of her words hitting true and also remembering all the things that had happened. You didn’t want to feel this way towards Hoseok, you genuinely started to like the man and yet he did this to you. You wanted to believe the best in Hoseok, wanted to believe that he wouldn’t hurt you, wanted to believe that he cared for you as much as you cared for him. But how could you believe any of that when he had done everything he had done.  

“Come on, we’ll get some trash food and watch a trash film and sleep in here tonight,” Lily says when she sees the fresh wave of tears your eyes.  

You look at her and nod your head at her idea, silent tears still streaming down your face. No matter how much she jokes at inappropriate times, Lily did always come through in the end.  

You moped around the flat for a while, ignoring your phone and the outside world. Only turning up for work, and even then you wouldn’t really talk to any colleagues unless you had to. You essentially became a hermit, drawing in to yourself. Even Lily struggled to get in contact with you, and she lived in the same flat as you.  

You didn’t want to go outside, almost in fear of some sort of repeat of what had happened, so you would stay inside when you could. You knew Lily worried about you, always being extra happy when she saw you, asking about your day, telling you funny things that had happened. And you pretended as best you could to be OK around her, but you knew she wasn’t buying it.  

A couple of weeks after the incident you find yourself in the flat alone. In your pyjamas, hair in a messy bun on top of your head, you decide to not go to the door when you hear someone knock. The knocking become more insistent, getting louder the more you ignore it so you decide to see who it is.  

Jimin looks slightly taken aback when you open the door, clearly shocked by your unkept appearance. He quickly makes his face neutral though, making it seem like he wasn’t shocked in the first place.  

“Hi,” he says sheepishly.  

“What the hell are you doing here Jimin?” You say, your voice flat.  

“A warm welcome. Not going to invite me in?”  

You roll your eyes at him, deciding to remain silent.  

“Ok, sorry, I know you’re annoyed at me but I’ll just be a minute,” he says. “Please,” he pleads.  

You take a small step to the side, enough so that he can walk past you, which he does quickly in case you change your mind. When he is past you he spins on his heels so he is looking at you and it’s the first time that you see how worried and stressed he is.  

“You need to talk to Hobi,” he says.  

“I’m barely talking to you, why would I want to talk to him,” you walk past him to the living room.  

“Because if you think you look like shit, he looks ten times worse,” he says as he follows you.  

“Thanks,” you say sarcastically, knowing you looked like shit, but didn’t need him to confirm it.  

“Have you really not seen anything?” He takes a seat on your sofa, not awaiting an invitation, though you wouldn’t have provided one.  

“Why would I?” You say.  

A sigh leaves Jimins mouth and a hand comes up to run over his face.  

“Jesus,” he says. “You really just need to talk to Hobi. He’s been trying to contact you and you haven’t replied. We’ve all been trying to get hold of you.”

“That’s because I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t really want to talk to any of you.”

“Don’t you want to hear what he has to say? He is so sorry and I know that he just wants to -”

“I honestly don’t care,” you cut him off.  

“You can’t think I believe that,” he rolls his eyes at you. “You look like shit, and you can’t tell me that has nothing to do with Hobi.”

“Yeah, I already thanked you for that,” you say.  

“Just come to the flat with me,” he continues.  

“I’m not interested Jimin.”

“When will you be ready? You can’t run from this forever. You need to talk to him at some point.”

“Do I? I don’t think I ever need to see him again if I don’t want to.”

“OK. Yeah, you’re right,” Jimin nods his head as he speaks. “You never have to see him, talk to him, be near him again. But is that really what you want?” He pauses as if wanting a response, which you don’t provide. “He’s sorry. For everything. He doesn’t want your forgiveness, he just wants to explain.”

“He doesn’t want my forgiveness?” You almost laugh. “Then what does he want? He wants to speak to me, to ‘explain’ everything, but he doesn’t want my forgiveness? He wants to ease his conscious, is that it? If he can just talk to me and ‘explain’ everything then he’ll feel like he’s done the right thing and then he’ll feel better about it all and can move on with his life. Is that it?”  

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Jimin sighs at how you have twisted his words. “It will just explain everything.”  

“Explain what?”

“Just talk to Hobi,” Jimin stands up as he says the words and you are surprised that he doesn’t want to stay longer to convince you. But he can tell that no matter what he says in this moment you wouldn’t really listen to what he was saying, only hearing what you wanted to hear.  

“I really don’t want to talk to him,” you say, tears starting to gather in your eyes, a sudden wave of emotion washing over you.  

Jimin looks down at you and he starts to walk toward you, obviously wanting to hug you or comfort you in some way, but stops when you hold out a hand in his direction.  

“Please,” it’s now your turn to plead. “I feel like I’ve been through so much shit. And maybe you think I’ve run away from everything, but if I had stayed everything would have escalated. I don’t know what Hoseok has told you, but if he has told you everything then I would hope you would at least be able to see where I am coming from.”

“He told me everything,” Jimins voice comes out softer and quiet. Looking up at him you can see the concern written over his face and you have to look away when you feel the tears well in your eyes. “But I also don’t think you know everything.”  

“Then tell me,” you say with defeated sigh.  

“Talk to Hobi,” his voice is firm as he says the words for what feels like the hundredth time.  

Fiddling with your fingers, picking at your nails, you avoid Jimins eyes as you think over his words. Maybe you were running from your problems. Maybe talking to Hoseok was the right thing to do. Maybe you needed to meet him and talk through everything. Maybe if you talk to him you might start to feel less crap and might actually get back to a semi normal life.  

When you meet Jimins eyes now you see hope in place of concern.  

“OK,” you say and have to rush your next words out when you see Jimin almost jump for joy. “But I’m not meeting him alone. I would ask to meet him in a public place, but I think that’s out of the question. So instead, I don’t want to see him alone.”

“OK, I understand,” Jimin, elongates the word showing he doesn’t fully understand but is going along with it as you have agreed to meet Hoseok. “How about meeting on neutral ground. Come to the offices after practice one day and we can go to the café in the building,” at your unsure expression he continues. “I’ll be there, you can ask Lily to come too. We’ll sit close by but it will also mean you can talk about everything without feeling like we’re all listening.”

Not quite neutral ground but you guess it’s the best you were going to get. It was almost like he had already planned the whole thing out, it all sounded too perfect for him to have come up with the idea on the spot.  

“OK,” you agree, because although you still had doubts, and although you really didn’t want to meet Hoseok, you knew that you probably should.  

A wide smile spreads across Jimins face, showing off his bright white teeth.  

“You can set the date. Whenever you are ready,” Jimin says. “But shall we say within the next two weeks,” because he doesn’t trust that you won’t leave it months.  

“I’ll tell you a day to meet within the next week,” you better his offer, wanting it over and done already, knowing this meeting will play on your mind all the time. 

“Great,” Jimins smile seems to grow at your words, glad that his plan to come and see you in person had actually paid off.  

As promised you messaged Jimin a date that you were happy to meet. Having spoken to Lily, she agreed that she would come with you for support. Turning up to the BigHit building, although nervous, you felt like things were happening on your terms.  

The last time you had seen Hoseok was when you were in the flat. As you walk into the canteen with Lily you spot Jimin sat at a table across the room. He gives you a wave when he spots the two of you, and as he does the man that had his back to you turns round to look.  

Your walk falters slightly as you see his face. Jimin wasn’t lying when he said that he looked 10 times worse than you. Even in this public setting, where he had obviously made a bit of an effort, he didn’t look his normal self. The closer you got the more detail you could see. His usual smile wasn’t on his face, his lips down turned even as he looked at you. There were dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. His hair had a slight grease to it and it flopped down around his face unstyled. His clothes were baggy and dark, meaning nothing about him was bright.  

Nerves through the roof as it is, the appearance of the seemingly broken man didn’t help your feelings. As you grew ever closer to the table Jimin stood up, at least he had a smile on his face you thought.  

“Hey guys,” Jimin says, almost too brightly. “Thanks for coming. Lily, fancy getting a coffee with me?”  

Not waiting for a reply, Jimin walks up to Lily. Giving you a small smile and squeezing your shoulder gently, Lily turns to get a coffee and sit away from you.

Sitting down opposite Hoseok, silence falls over the two of you as you both take each other in. You were unsure how you should feel. Walking in you felt nerves, seeing Hoseok you almost felt sad for him, and now sat in front of him you start to feel anger at the situation.  

“I’m so sorry,” Hoseok breaks the silence and his voice sounds just as broken as his appearance. “I’m so, so, sorry.”  

You give him a small nod, not trusting your voice in that moment to speak.  

“I was an idiot. I didn’t think about anything and that was so stupid of me. I should have thought and I didn’t,” he carries on when you don’t speak.  

You continue to nod at his words. “You were an idiot,” you say and a tiny smile appears on his face, though you are not trying to be funny. “But I was an idiot too. I was blind and naïve, but you really hurt me,” you carry on and the small smile falls from his face.  

“You weren’t naïve,” Hoseok says.  

“Everyone keeps saying that,” you roll your eyes at him. “I was naïve. I knew you were someone and I chose to respect your privacy or whatever the hell I thought I was doing. But no matter what stupid mistake I made, you should have told me.”  

“I know,” Hoseok sighs.  

“You had months. I can understand at the start maybe. But you got to know me, I opened up to you and you still didn’t trust me enough.”

“It wasn’t about trust.”

“Then what was it about?”  

“Do you know how many people know who I am?” Hoseok asks. “I don’t mean that to sound big headed, but I can’t walk down the street without someone recognising me. And then you come along and had no idea who I was, or at least I assumed you didn’t by the way you treated me. And then you also had no idea who anyone was at my birthday,” he shrugs lightly. “Everyone was against me getting a roommate from the start but I decided to risk it, and when I met you, I was so glad I did. And then I got to actually know you and people started to tell me they thought I should tell you who I was, what I do for a living, and I think I convinced myself that maybe you already you knew, or if you didn’t it would ruin everything and you would treat me differently. And as time went on it felt more and more like I shouldn’t tell you, that I’d left it too late. And then we kissed.” He pauses and looks at you. You remain staring at him, taking in his words and trying to digest them. Not wanting to show any emotion at his words you look at a spot behind him, finding it easier to keep a passive face that way.  

“And the next day we watched films and you were talking about Notting Hill and I thought now's the time that I can tell you. The perfect opportunity to slip it into conversation. But you said that you hated the thought of having a life like Julia Roberts had in the film. Hated the thought of everyone swarming you and I couldn’t do that to you, I couldn’t tell you who I was and ruin everything. So I went back to ignoring it all, pretending I was someone else, that I didn’t need to tell you who I was. And then everything went to shit. And it’s all my fault. And I don’t want you to feel sorry for me or like you owe me anything, I just wanted to explain,” he says and then remains silent, wanting some form of response from you.  

“Jimin said that there was still stuff that I didn’t know, but I know all of this,” you say and you can’t ignore the slight flicker of hurt that crosses his face. Because truthfully you didn’t know everything, you didn’t know his feelings on the whole situation, but you still couldn’t get your head around the fact that he had chosen to not tell you about it.  

Hoseok runs a hand down his face in frustration and the next words that leave his lips sound a bit harsher. “I don’t know what you came here to hear Y/N. That I’m sorry? Because that obviously isn’t enough. That I care for you? Because I do care for you,” his words start to soften and he has an almost desperation in his eyes. “I don’t think I have ever felt this way about anyone. I feel almost protective over you, but I can’t protect you from this. This is my life and I hate that it’s so crappy that it pushed you away.”  

The guard that you had put up when you entered the room starts to slowly slacken at his words. You had wanted to remain strong, and you thought the best way to do that was to be defensive, to throw his words back at him. But as you listen and watch him you realise that that was not the best thing to do at all.

“I care for you too,” you admit. “And that’s why it hurt so much. I didn’t care what everyone was saying. Yes, I’m not used to it and it did affect me. But what really hurt was that it felt like you didn’t care enough to warn me. Didn’t care enough about me to open up to me.”  

“I’m sorry,” is all he can manage to get out.  

“I felt like I was alone. I’d met the rest of your band and thought they were nice and not even they came to my side when everything exploded. But it was the statement I read from you that really got me. Friends, is I think the word I read. Friends don’t kiss friends Hoseok,” you feel almost stronger as you let out the words that had been running through your mind for the past few weeks. “Friends don’t sleep with friends,” you pause to see the slight cringe that crosses his face at those words. “And even if we were just friends, which I would have been happy with, friends don’t just abandon each other it a shit storm like that.”  

“I know this is going to sound like a cop out and it is no excuse, but it was all the company. We don’t write those press releases and however much influence it looks like I have, I have no say,” he says.  

“Yeah, you’re right, it’s not really an excuse,” you say. “There are ways you can put out your own thoughts, you're not some silenced puppet that is controlled by a company. And like I said, it’s more than that, you weren’t there for me when I needed you most.”

“Because you left,” he says. “I came home to your bare room. I came home as soon as I found out what had happened and from what I could see you didn’t want to hear from me. I thought you wanted some space so I gave you that, and then when I tried to get hold of you, you didn’t want to hear from me.”  

He watches as you try to commute what he was saying. Your eyes focused on your hands where your fingers pick at the skin around your nails. He can see that you had genuinely believed that he would have left you in that situation, that he wouldn’t have tried to be there for you and his heart almost crushes under how he must have made you feel, regrets every decision he made.  

But as the silence extends, he feels a small glimmer of hope, you no longer snapping back at him or cutting off his words. His arm reaches across the table and a hand is placed over yours, stopping your fingers from picking at your nails. You don’t push his hand away, secretly enjoying the feeling, but your eyes remain on the hands rather than looking up at the man.  

“I miss you,” he says. “I miss coming back to the flat and seeing a bright post-it note on the side. I miss eating your food, even if it’s not always that best,” he squeezes your hand to show he’s joking, and for the first time a genuine smile comes to his face at your reaction. “I miss talking to you, even if it just over text. I miss your smell around the flat. I miss having days off from work and hanging out with you around the flat. I miss kissing you. I miss waking up to you in my bed. I just miss you,” he says with a small sigh.  

You are shocked by his words, not expecting him to have said any of that, especially while holding your hand. You hadn’t expected to come and forgive Hoseok. Weren’t expecting to feel anything but anger. But you had fooled yourself into thinking that the feelings you had for him were only skin deep. But over the short time you had known him he had managed to worm his way into your life like no one ever had.  

As you sit in silence, Hoseok starts to grow nervous, worried his words had done more damage than good. He starts to take back his hand, releasing yours from his grip, but you hold onto it before it can get too far. His eyes look up at you and you can see the shock.  

“I’m sorry,” you say, and though you pause to try and hold back the emotion threatening to spill out Hoseok doesn’t say anything and waits for you to carry on. “I ran because I was scared. And I didn’t want to talk to you because I was scared. And I pushed you away because I was scared. And I thought it was for the best, for both of us to move on and forget everything. And I’m still scared. But I think maybe I was wrong.”  

Hoseoks hand grips yours tighter and you get some comfort from the feeling.  

“I’m scared too you know?” He says and you look at him, seeing the sincerity in his words. “And I haven’t been perfect through this. We both made bad decisions through this, but we’re here now,” you nod slowly at his words, agreeing with what he was saying. “I get if you don’t want to, and maybe it's too soon, but you know that the room is still there for you to move back into.”  

You had kind of expected him to say this at some point during the meeting, though you had imagined he would be pleading more than he currently was. What you hadn’t expected was that you would almost want to take him up on the offer. You had thought you had come to terms with the fact that you would never step back into the flat again, yet here you were wanting to move back in.

“There’s no rush,” he says, his thumb slowly stroking the back of your hand. “But I would really love you to come back. I do really miss you.”  

Looking down at Hoseoks thumb rubbing against your skin you think back to all the times that Lily had told you off for overthinking. Having tried to head her words, as overthinking was a trait you didn’t like about yourself, you look back up at Hoseok.  

“Ok,” you say.  

“Ok?” He questions, shocked and needing clarification.  

“I’ll come back to the flat,” you say and the all too familiar smile spreads across his face and it was like the sun had arisen, everything seeming to be brighter. “I’ll move back, but things will be different. I can’t just jump back to how we were, it will take me time to trust you fully again,” you warn.  

The smile doesn’t falter at your words, Hoseoks head nodding firmly in agreement. “Of course, I would expect nothing else,” he says.  

With that he stands up from his chair and you are confused until he starts to round the table towards you. Taking the hands he had just dropped, he pulls you up, encompassing you in hug. Your head pressed firmly into his chest, his leaning down so his nose presses against your scalp, you almost felt you were home.  

“I did really miss this,” he whispers into your hair.  

“Seems like you two have made up,” Jimins voice sounds out and you can almost hear the smugness that his plan had worked out.  

Pulling yourself out of Hoseoks arms you give him one last look, a smile finally coming to your face, as you turn to Jimin.  

“Just about,” you say.  

The second time you move into the flat your flatmate is there to great you. Much like the first time, Lily and Eddie help you carry all your belongs. But this time, instead of being greeted by an empty flat, you are greeted by Hoseok.  

“Hey,” he beams as he opens the door to you, holding it wide so you can all shuffle in. “Hope you found the place ok,” he jokes.  

“We got a bit lost in the lobby, shitty instructions given by the owner,” you joke back, happy that the two of you are at least back to some form of normality.  

“My apologise,” he continues to smile as he takes some bags off of you, heading towards your room. “At least you’re all here now. Do you want a drink or anything?” He asks as you all place your bags in your room.  

“I’ll have a tea,” Lily asks, Eddie agreeing with her.  

“I’ll make a pot,” Hoseok says. “Yoongi is in the living room. Go through and I’ll bring it all in.”  

“I’ll help,” you say, not letting him dispute as you walk to the kitchen.  

Hoseok joins you in the kitchen, and though you are both busy boiling the kettle and getting mugs out the cupboard, you enjoy just being around him.  

“I’m happy to have you back,” Hoseok breaks the silence in the room, when nearly everything is ready.  

“It feels a bit weird, but I’m happy to be back too,” you admit, deciding you wanted to be more open with your feelings around him.  

“You don’t need to worry,” he says, and the small step he takes towards you doesn’t go unnoticed.  

“I hope not,” you stare at him as he takes another small step towards you.  

Now within touching distance, Hoseoks hand comes to rest on the counter just in front of yours on the counter.  

“I did really miss you,” his voice is soft and he is staring at your hand as his inches ever closer.  

“You’ve mentioned that once or twice,” you would laugh if the tension in the room wasn’t so high.  

His finger finally comes into contact with yours and it’s like a spark runs through you. His hand encompasses yours and his thumb slowly strokes the back of your hand. Even though you look down at your entwined hands, you still see him step closer to your body, your chests almost touching now.  

“The teas ready, we should take it through,” you whisper, still looking at your hands.

“Yeah, we should go,” his voice is just as quiet as yours.  

Neither of you make any attempt to move. You finally look up into Hoseoks eyes, only to find he is already looking at you.  

“Can I kiss you?” Hoseok asks.  

Yours eyes widen in shock at the words. “I- I- I don’t,” you stutter slightly and a smile comes to Hoseoks face as he notices the effect he is having on you. “I don’t want to get hurt,” you admit. “Don’t want to rush into anything.”

Hoseoks hand leaves your hand so he can sweep some hair from off your face.

“Don’t overthink it,” he echo's the words Lily always says to you. “But if you don’t want to, then don’t feel like you have to.”

You remain quiet whilst you think over his words. His hand remains on your face and you continue to look into each others eyes.  

“But I want to,” you whisper.  

The smile that was on his face grows and he starts to lean into you. You close your eyes as his lips finally touch yours.  

Finally pulling away, you suddenly feel shy and smile at the ground. His hand comes under your chin and lifts it up so that you have to look him in the eye.  

“I’m so glad you’re back,” he says, eyes flicking between your eyes, finally resting on your lips. Leaning in for one last kiss he says, “let's take the tea through.”

Taking a step back he picks up the tea and some mugs, you help by picking up the remaining mugs. Following him through to the living room you finally feel like you are home. Happy when you see your friends talking happily with Yoongi, laughing when Hoseok makes a joke as he enters the room. Glad that you decided to move back in, even if things were hard, you knew that Hoseok would be there for you and would help you through it all. Deciding that it was one of the best decisions to be his flatmate.  

[sarcastic-bubble]

“Leave me alone” and “Did you just kiss me?”

With Anakin if you are ok with that :)

Paring: Anakin Skywalker x Reader

Work count: 1.5K

Warnings: It gets a little angsty down there.

A/N: Oh my god guys I'm on a writing roll! I also wasn't about to finally switch everything over to my other blog without clearing my inbox first. Like I'm an ass, but I'm not that big of an ass. But I do really hate trying to format fics on the tumblr mobile app. So just pop on over to @sarcastic-bubbl if you want.

Masterlist

---

You lay on top of a large pile of cushions. If a passer-by were to peek in they’d think you were napping, but that wasn’t the case. You were meditating. Every Jedi had their preference when it came to positioning and yours just happened to be laying down. You found it easier to forget your physical form and fully immerse yourself in the force when laying. Maker knew you needed all the help the force may offer at the moment. Your master had sent you to meditate hours ago and told you not to come back until you’d made a decision. At first, this had seemed cruel, but it was your fault for taking so long to make this decision. You tried to search the force for the answers you were looking for but it only echoed the fear and uncertainty you felt. Your breathing deepened and slowed as you worked your way through various meditation techniques but your mind simply refused to clear. This should be a simple choice. The council believed you were ready to ascend to the rank of Jedi Knight. You should agree with them. You should be grateful for the chance to complete the remaining trials that you hadn’t during the last few months of your training. Everyone believed you were ready yet you didn’t feel ready. The more you were pressured the less ready you felt. You could just say no, but making a habit of defying the council and your own master hardly seemed like a good idea. Why couldn’t this be simple?

    You were far too lost in thought to hear to door open and close. Nor did you notice the sound of cushions being moved to create a small pile perfect for lounging on. “You need to relax more,” stated Anakin very matter-of-factly as he sat down next to you. 

    This was finally enough to pull you from your thoughts. “Leave me alone,” you grumbled, “can’t you see I’m meditating?” Why was he here? Anakin was a pest. He had been one since he had arrived at the Jedi temple all those years ago. He was, however, your favourite pest and easily your best friend. As often as he drove you crazy with his reckless antics and sarcastic wit you found yourself drawn to him. He was someone you trusted and could talk to but right now he was a pest and you wanted to be alone. 

    “I’m not sure you can actually call what you’re doing meditating, (y/n).” His sentence was punctuated by the crisp crunch of him biting into an apple. 

    You opened your eyes only so you could properly glare at the Jedi next to you. “What would you call it then?” 

    His soft blue eyes met yours. The cocky expression he so often had around you faded into concern. “The beginnings of an existential crisis.” 

    You missed the concern that had begun to creep into his voice and his change of expression. There was just so much on your mind and even though you were looking at your attention was still only halfway there. “Are you just here to tease me or is there a reason you’re here?” You hated yourself for it but you could feel tears begin to form as you spoke, the frustration stemming from indecisiveness was already too much and Anakin was threatening to tip you over the edge. 

    Anakin set the apple down on a bare patch of the floor before place his hand over yours. “I came to check on you. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” You weren’t okay and Anakin knew it. He had the force to thank for that. Upon his return to the temple only half an hour early he had looked for the gentle yet mischievous waves that were your presence in the force and had been since you were children. He never found it. Instead, wave after wave of uncertainty had crashed into him. At that moment he had decided his duties could wait and he set off to find you. 

    “I don’t think I’m okay,” you whispered. The tears you had been trying so hard to hold back took this as permission to quietly stream down your cheeks. 

    Anakin slipped his mechanical arm around your waist and pulled you against his chest. You shuddered against him as you cried. You waited for him to say something. He always had something to say, but Anakin remained quiet. He simply held you tight until your tears had run their course. Once he was certain you were done crying he spoke to you softly and pressed a small bottle into your hands, “have some water. You don’t want a headache.” 

    You were grateful for the cool liquid. Each sip soothed your parched throat and seemed to chase away the impending headache that Anakin was so worried about. Not trusting yourself to speak just yet you gave the man a weak smile. 

“If you want to be alone I’ll leave,” a gentle thumb brushed the few remaining tears from your cheeks,” but if you want me to stay I will. It’s up to you.” 

“Please stay,” you whispered weakly. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Not really.” That was all it took for silence to return to the room. You relaxed against Anakin’s chest and once again his arms encircled you and held you tightly.

 You weren’t sure how long you laid like this, just enjoying his soothing presence, but when you peaked out one of the rooms small windows stars littered the sky. You were the first to break the silence, “thank you.” 

“Of course,” hummed Anakin in response. 

“You probably had more important things to do than sit here with me,” you pointed out quietly. 

“That’s what the council will try to tell me, but nothing is more important than you,” he brushed his fingers through your hair before continuing,” and whatever decision you make I’ll support you.” He felt you tense beneath him. “You can tell the council no. As wise as they claim to be, they don’t know everything about you.” 

“And what about my master?” You could feel the dread rushing back into you. 

“What about him? If he’s that determined to get rid of you then I’ll take you on as my Padawan until you’re ready.” He realized how ridiculous the idea sounded as he spoke it. He had only been knighted a few months ago and as far as skill was concerned you were his equal, and there was the was fact that he was only your senior by a year. It wouldn’t be the most conventional pairing.

“You can’t possibly think they’d let you do that,” you replied with a small smile. 

“I’d like to see them stop me,” his words were sincere. He had no clue how would do it, but if he had to them he’d figure out a way to make you his padawan. He’d have to get Obi-wan on board with the idea if he ever hoped to have a chance. 

“You’re insane,” you laughed in response. It was quiet but it was there and thats and Anakin needed. 

“Probably,” he chuckled. He was a little disappointed when your body shifted off his. You did keep one had in his as you shifted into a half-sitting position next to him. He could see the real you coming out again as you giggled quietly to yourself over the idea of being his padawan. He could feel you again too. The uncertainty was still there but the force was once again filled with your gentle presence, “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, thank you, Ani.” 

“Good.” He wasn’t sure what drove him to do it now of all times but as he finished speaking his lips met yours in a soft, short kiss. He regretted it almost immediately, but that didn’t stop him from lingering for a few moments. 

“Did you just kiss me?” Your expression was an unreadable mix of emotions and so were your thoughts. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… that was wrong. I-” You pushed a finger against his lips effectively silencing him. 

“It’s okay, Ani. I just didn’t expect it is all” your finger left his lips and your hand fell to your side,” but if you wanted to try again that would be okay.” 

Anakin’s expression was a mix of sheer relief and pure joy as his lip once again captured yours. His lips were softer than you’d expected and far more welcoming than you had ever imagined. “How was that?” He chuckled. 

“Much better.”

“Are you ready to go tell the council your decision?”

Your eyes met his,” as long as you’re with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Anakin pushed himself to his feet and held a hand out to you, “ now let’s go face them together.” 

[hains-mae]

Flowers

(Damian x Reader) Soulmate AU

Rating: T

Ages: Damian and you are 16, everyone’s ages follow after.

Summary: Soulmate AU where the wounds on your soulmate turns into a flower tattoo on your skin, if it heals with no scars the tattoo goes away, if it heals with a scar then the tattoo stays. You are just an ordinary girl, with an ordinary life, so one might think it only makes sense that your soulmate is just as ordinary as you. But that isn’t the case. Especially not when your body is constantly littered with flowers. Some of them fade over time, some stay, but one thing is for certain – your soulmate seems to get hurt. A lot.

Notes: Hey there you guys. Recently I’ve been caught up in a Batman fever, and I can’t do anything about it. I ended up creating a challenge for my friend @mrevaunit42​ which was an “Character x Reader” Soulmate AU. Seriously, it was all in the name of fun.

And then I got caught up in it, perhaps a little too much – and created this. I’ve never written a soulmate au before, though I really wanted to. (Now I have! Yay~) So please forgive my writing since I’m a little rusty, and I hope you enjoy.

Stay safe everyone.

Disclaimer: I do not own DC. If I did, I wouldn’t make it as confusing as it is now.

I woke up to a burning sensation on my lower ribs in the middle of night. Hissing in pain I slowly pushed my feet out of the warm covers and turned on the lamp beside my bed. Pulling up my shirt I assessed the damage.

It was purple lilacs this time, stretched across the middle of my torso going horizontally to my side. I winced as the tattoo completed itself and just as the heat came, a cold chill ran through it and down my spine. Somehow it soothed the burn.

God, another one? I frowned at the beautiful flower and sighed. It worried me that my soulmate was prone to getting hurt. Sometimes the injuries made sense, like when I found them on my knees, I could easily chalk it up to falling and scraping – but injuries like these were more difficult to decipher.

How does someone normal get hurt this way?

They don’t.

“Unless they’re a criminal.” One of my friends stated dryly days ago.

“Or a hero!” Another said quickly.

Needless to say, I wasn’t in a rush to find out. Whoever this person was, I knew from the start that they were trouble.

The next time I woke, it was to the early morning rays that escaped my curtains and played a fiery dance on my eye lids. I groaned and pulled the covers up wishing I could sleep in for a couple more minutes, but I knew I couldn’t.

A few weeks ago my school, Gotham Academy, announced that they were holding their annual science fair at a convention centre as opposed to the regular school gymnasium, because surprisingly enough, Wayne Enterprise offered to fund the event.

It was no secret that Gotham’s economy was hitting below the desired margin. Many people don’t have jobs which resulted in an influx of crime in the past years. And so Wayne Enterprise collaborated with Gotham’s Department of Homeland Security (DHS) to raise awareness and encourage young minds to strive for a better, innovative future. They shouldered the expenses needed and created an international affair, to top it off; Wayne Ent. also offered scholarships to future college goers and internships in all their branches.

Which was why I couldn’t sleep in today. I had project to work on. In line with our team of sponsors, I decided to invent a weapon that could help the GPD when catching criminals. A gun that projects thin plastic case marbles filled with a chemical concoction that erupts into a quick hardening foam upon impact. The foam itself is not toxic, but it works with catching and detaining. It turns as hard as stone but there was another type of compound that I was in the process of creating to counter act it as a measure of safety.

I got up and started my day.

“Good morning sweetheart.” My mom greeted as I entered the kitchen. She smiled warmly at me as she placed a plate of eggs and bacon on the table.

I couldn’t help but return the gesture, walking up to her and placing a kiss on her cheek. “Morning Mom, are you working tonight?”

“I have to, but don’t worry I’ll be leaving something in the fridge for dinner.”

I thanked her and took my plate into the living room. Turning on the T.V., I easily found the news channel and watched the latest reports on Gotham’s activities.

Mom sometimes had to work on weekends just to make ends meet, which was one reason why I was so hard to get that scholarship and hopefully the internship as well. The other reason was…

A family picture caught my eye in the middle of the news and I bit back a sigh. My dad, my mom, and me. We all were smiling at the camera.

Dad was part of the Police force and died during a heist. Reports stated he was running after the criminals and got shot before he could capture them. That was another reason I chose this as my project. Dad always wanted to fight for justice, hopefully this invention could help.

I finished up my breakfast and helped my mom with chores before I slipped into science mode and continued tinkering with the project. The projectiles were complete and I was able to make 3 in total, which I stored in a small box encased with extra padding.

It was around evening after my mom left that I got another burn. I dropped the screwdriver I was holding and bit my lip. Gasping for breath I pulled my sleeve and watched another flower blossom on my forearm.

The pain was gone in an instant and the cold tickled the skin that was branded. I sighed and slowly straightened my poster. This person, after all these injuries, they better not die before I meet them. I grumbled to myself when I realised I was short on supplies. Poor planning on my part.

I grabbed my bag and locked the front door before I headed out to the nearest hardware store, careful to keep my marks hidden from view. I’ve lived in Gotham my whole life, and I knew that standing out, even in the smallest way, would lead into trouble.

The walk to the store was short and uneventful, thankfully. There were only a few customers. I manoeuvred my way between the isles and picked up what I needed. After paying at the counter I hauled my goods and ducked back into the streets. I almost wished I didn’t stop when I heard that woman cry out for help. I was unarmed, unprepared, and every cell in my body screamed at me to walk – no – run away from the scene that was unfolding before my eyes.

But she was helpless. Clad in a trench coat and rain boots, she didn’t look like much but her bag was definitely designer. The thieves in question had a knife pointed at her face. There were 6 of them. All were towering and bulky next to her petite frame. Their menacing stares struck a cold shiver in me and my hand involuntarily clutched the projectiles I was working on in my pocket. I had a feeling it would be safer with me than it would be at home, however this was not how I imagined I’d first be using them.

The woman screamed again and I clenched my palm.

I sucked in some air and got ready to shout at the perpetrators – until I felt the wind rush past my ear.

In a flash someone had swooped into the scene and kicked the man holding the knife to the ground. The sound of blades being drawn stole my attention. It was Robin. He took a stance between the woman and the men.

“Run. Now.” He told the lady.

She whimpered and scrambled up to her feet dashing towards me, towards the entrance of the alley. She zipped past and didn’t stop running till she turned the corner. I should be running too. But my eyes were fixed on the fight that was about to happen.

Robin seemed no older than me. In reality there was no way he could win against 6 huge men. But then again, this was Robin. No normal teenager.

“6 against 1.” He mused, the grip on his katana tightened. “That hardly seems fair.”

The one who held the knife, possibly the leader of the gang, growled thickly. “Get‘im boys.”

They all rushed towards him at the same time, hands in the air and weapons ready. Robin whipped his blade and easily knocked two knives down, the remaining used their strength and threw punches that looked like it would strike anyone straight to next week. The masked boy effortlessly dodged all their hits. Crouching, jumping, twisting, exactly when needed and not a second too late. His movements were precise; a quick jab below the rib striking the kidney with the handle of the sword, a sharp slam of his elbow to the chin, and to close the deal with a blunt blow force to the side of the neck. The goon fell like a tree that’s been cut down.

I gaped in awe.

The others rushed to avenge their fallen comrade, but Robin was quicker and used his blade to disable them. He kicked one of them into the brick wall, a sickening crunch echoed as the goons’ head smashed into it, then a howl of pain when Robin sliced his back. I cringed at the sight of the blood. It was a superficial wound, at least from my vantage point. The cut was deep enough to hurt and draw red, but not enough to kill.

The next lunged himself and grabbed Robin’s wrist, the boy growled and kicked him the face, forcing to free himself. He couldn’t see the other one running towards them from behind, the weapon aiming straight for Robin’s back.

“Robin!” I found my voice and screamed. “Behind you!”

He did a roundhouse kick and slammed the head of the one holding his wrist, then using the momentum back flipped and kicked the one who was behind.

I sighed in relief.

“What are you doing just standing there?!” He shouted at me as he readied himself again. “I said run!”

That got all the men’s attention. The ones that fell got back up and huffed angrily.

“Get the girl!” The leader shouted. “We can use her.” His leer sent bile rushing up my throat.

I squeaked as 3 of them started to chase me. Finally my legs listened and I dashed across the street onto the other pavement.

They were too fast though, their thundering footsteps grew closer towards me. My lungs burned as I tried to inhale some much needed oxygen, physical sports like running really weren’t my thing. I nearly tripped on an uneven tile as a scream rippled out of my throat. I braced myself for impact but it never came. Instead I felt a rush of wind across my face and a lightness below me. The ground was getting further and further away.

I realised I was being carried. Looking up, I was face to face with Red Robin.

“God thing I saw you when I did or you’d be dead meat.” He said dryly as we landed on a roof.

“Th-thank you.” I breathed, trying to gulp in as much needed air as I could. “Robin – he –“ But I didn’t know how to articulate. The adrenaline rush was messing with my head, and I could barely think straight.

Yet Red Robin nodded, understanding. He jumped off the roof and shot his grappling hook. I peered down and saw the fight started to move, from the alley to the side walk. The goons cornered Robin into a store front and were relentless as they threw punch after punch. The other 3 that were chasing me were already fighting Red just below the building that he deposited me on.

I watched in horror as the glass shattered everywhere around them. They weren’t just normal gangs I discerned, they knew how to fight. And unlike the birds and bat, they didn’t mind taking a life.

Clutching the projectiles again in my pocket, I brought them up with trembling hands.

“I hope this works.” I whispered to myself and pulled out my elastic hair tie.

Hooking one of the orbs onto the elastic, I aimed for the goons attacking Robin, and pulled as far as the band could go. Willing my hand to stop shaking, I said a silent prayer and released my hold.

Time seemed to go into slow motion as it flew across the air. I held my breath.

It hit the ground between two goons and burst into a big foamy cloud of vibrant cobalt, instantly seizing the men and solidified their prison as the concoction cooled.

Both fights stopped for a split second, as they watched the chemical reaction, which now looking back was a mistake on all parties.

I gasped and thanked whoever was listening.

The leader roared and pulled a pistol. I felt my throat tighten as the gun set a bullet free.

Robin and I cried out in pain as the bullet dug into him. Tears threatened to roll down my cheek as I clutched my burning shoulder.

A birdarang zipped towards the leader, catching his wrist and making him let go of the weapon. With a grunt, Robin kicked him hard across the chest stealing the perpetrators breath and with a quick turn, smashed his foot onto the mans jaw, cracking it before letting him fall with a loud thud.

The fight continued and Robin easily subdued his last opponent. Then he ran across the street to finish up with Red. Both of them moved in fluid motions like well trained dancers as they fought while protecting each others weak spots. They took down the last 3 goons and tied them up just as the police sirens blared within the distance.

I jumped up from my spot and turned to run but stopped when I saw the two Robins in my path.

“You.” The younger one started. “You were the one who shot the…”

I nodded wordlessly, still feeling the adrenaline coursing through my body. A nasty red splotch caught my attention and I believe they both noticed as I glanced at it. My own hand went up and clutched my shoulder unconsciously, a cold sensation rippled through where the bullet was.

“Oh my god.”

---

to be continued...

Part 2, 3, 4, 5 (end)

[nelllraiser]

cat burglar | sasha & nell

LOCATION: a warehouse in the bend. PARTIES: @sasha-r-blog​ & @nelllraiser.  SUMMARY: sasha takes it upon herself to stop a break in, and nell is on the wrong end of the matters.  CONTAINS: gun use, gun violence

Another day another dollar was all the witch could think of as Nell lurked outside of an oversized warehouse in The Bend. The human bounties were especially boring to go after seeing as they lacked any upper hand in comparison to magic. At least when she was on the tail of someone supernatural she knew there was an element of surprise- or at least something to keep her on her toes. But money was money, and she still enjoyed bringing in the assholes who skipped out on their bail. Tonight was no different as she peered into one of the windows that paneled the outside of the building, just barely clearing the edge of it so that she might duck down if her quarry glanced her way. Thankfully, he seemed far too busy with counting the pallets that littered the place, scratching his head every now and then while he jotted numbers down in a notebook. All it would take was a simple sleeping spell and he’d be out like a light. But first she needed to get closer, perhaps get a better idea of what exactly it was he was doing in this shitty warehouse. If he were up to no good once again and repeating his criminal past, she wanted to know it about it. Carefully, she pushed her palm against the glass of the window before uttering a quiet spell, and in a moment it had melted away like water, pooling in a puddle on the ground beneath her. While the liquid glass settled, she hooked a leg over the frame of the window as gently as she could, being careful not to make a sound as she made her entrance.

The Bend seemed like the perfect place to look for crime, or at least Sasha assumed it was. In all the movies she’d watched it was usually run down places like where all the criminal stuff happened. So with her makeshift costume on and her change of clothes tucked neatly into her backpack, she made her way there. It didn’t take long to find a good place to perch and keep a lookout. There was a tall, flat roofed brick building at the corner of the block that seemed abandoned. And with a few well placed jumps and some careful footwork she found herself alone at the top, with a good amount of the Bend visible to her. So that was a good start to the night. Unfortunately, it seemed like the promising vantage point wasn’t leading to much. The neighborhood was surprisingly quiet. Sasha did spot a few people, some teenagers meeting up before heading into an alley. But upon closer inspection they were just making out, and Sasha decided to keep her lunch rather than continuing to watch to make sure some murderer didn’t jump out at them. They were probably fine.

It wasn’t until an hour or two later that another bit of movement caught Sasha’s eye. Across the street, next to a large warehouse, was a woman. Sasha moved to the edge of the roof, watching as the woman peaked through the window. Okay, that was suspicious. There were plenty of buildings here that from a quick glance seemed abandoned. But this one, despite seeming run down, at least had intact windows. So probably still in use? Maybe Sasha should have done some research before coming here. But either way, the way the woman was glancing in was clearly suspicious. If it was just some abandoned building to sneak into, why all the weird snooping? Sasha was about to lower herself onto the fire escape for a better view, when she felt a buzzing against her back. Shit. Fumbling with her backpack, Sasha quickly grabbed her phone and turned it to silent. 

Stupid rookie mistake, she should have just left her phone at home. When she turned back toward the woman, the glass in the window was gone, and the suspicious woman was lifting herself into the frame. Cool, good to know that the phone had distracted Sasha so much she completely missed the woman breaking the glass and almost getting inside. That could have been useful info. What if the woman had a crowbar on her to break the glass? Or a gun? Okay, Sasha was pretty sure she would have heard a gun go off even while distracted, but still. She took a deep breath and steadied herself before heading down the fire escape. When she was half way down she took another deep breath, and vaulted over the edge onto the street below, trying her best to land just as she practiced. Classic superhero landing pose, though more Spider Man than Iron Man, she wasn’t about to fist bump the pavement and break her only weapon. 

Despite Sasha’s strangely quiet landing, her clearing throat as she held the pose was likely audible. 

Nell couldn’t help but be paranoid as the hairs of her neck prickled directly before the clearing of a throat sounded behind her. The sound made her jump, though it wasn’t out of fear so much as a gut reaction of defense, head whipping around to look at whatever it was that had disturbed her. In the same movement, she drew a knife from it’s concealed hiding place on her body, brandishing it in front of her and placing it between herself and...what the fuck? Was there some sort of convention in town that she didn’t know about? That was the first thought in the witch’s mind as she took in the rag-tag ensemble before her, eyes not even sure where to land first on the strange mixture of clothing choice. Raking her gaze over the overflow of tiger printed spandex and fake leather, somehow the most confusing thing about the get-up were the razor-sharp teeth that were printed where the person’s mouth should be, stretched over the features that they hid. Where even to begin? “You know if you need some more quality cosplay my dad has an Etsy and worked the professional costume circuit in Vegas for years,” was the only thing she could think to whisper in the direction of this newly appeared enigma. Nevermind that she wasn’t exactly speaking to her father at the moment. 

The rustling of the man moving inside the warehouse was what pulled Nell’s attention away from the knock-off cat-man that had spawned from seemingly nowhere, and she was quickly reminded of why she was here. “Look- can you go play somewhere else?” she hissed under her breath towards the newcomer, not particularly keen on having her bounty disturbed. The words weren’t meant to be demeaning, as Nell truly and simply had no idea what to do with the train wreck that had stuck their nose into her business. What a cosplayer was doing in the middle of the Bend, she hadn’t the faintest idea— but she wasn’t going to let them get in her way. “I’m kinda busy.”

As the woman turned around to look at her Sasha began to rise to her feet and- oh shit, she had a knife! Sasha froze up at the sight of the suddenly brandished weapon. But it was fine, it was cool. Sasha had her own set of knives too. Or rather, The Claw did. 

The woman’s whispering sounded loud and clear in Sasha’s sensitive ears and made her stop right before making her heroic declarations to put down the knife. “I-I’m not a cosplayer and this isn’t some sort of game...”

That sounded cooler in her head, but Sasha continued to stare down the woman. If she was randomly pointing a knife at her that had to mean she was a criminal. Sasha put one of her hands out to the side, fingers curled, ready to summon her claws at any moment. Come on, you can do this.

“I’m The Claw, and I’m here to put a stop to your break in! What’s in there? Money, valuebles, a stockpile of illegal weapons? Whatever it is, you better make your peace with never getting your hands on them.”

Yeah... yeah! I’ve got this! She’s gotta be scared now. 

The somewhat puzzled yet exasperated expression on Nell’s features only grew more scrunched as the mysterious figure spoke. It was a girl. That much she could initially tell from the voice. She’d already parted her lips to ask what exactly the masked interloper was doing here when the knock-off Catwoman spoke again, and the witch’s eyebrows shot skyward in disbelief. “The Claw?” she echoed, a hint of unshared delight entering Nell’s tone. Who the hell ran around in spandex calling them themselves the Claw? She couldn’t stop the quiet chuckle that pressed past her lips as the rest of the girl’s words sank in. “I’m not breaking in. Well- I am breaking in, but I’m not the shitty person here. Make my- make my peace?” Nell sputtered in her continued amusement. “Babe- I hate to be the one to tell you this- actually I don’t really hate it, but-” Her sentence wouldn’t find it’s end as another voice rang out, Nell’s target apparently having overheard enough of their shared noises to finally take notice of the two young woman loitering in his warehouse window.

“Hey!” He called out, already taking angry strides in their direction. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” he demanded, reaching for some unseen weapon that resided in the inner pocket of his jacket.

The woman was...laughing... at The Claw. Sasha's heart sank, but she tried to replace the feeling with annoyance. The Claw wouldn’t get upset, so Sasha wouldn’t either. She would prove this woman wrong. This woman who apparently didn’t know what a superhero was. This woman who also just admitted to breaking in, as matter of fact! So yeah, even if she laughed at her that wasn’t going to stop Sasha from stopping this criminal. 

Sasha opened her mouth to speak, to cut off whatever excuse or taunt the stranger planned to throw at her, only for another voice to cut both of them off. In the window frame appeared a man, mid 30ss, not exactly friendly looking. Okay so that guy didn’t seem super happy but he also probably just didn’t get that Sasha was trying to help.

“Don’t worry!” She said, putting out a hand, her words faltering slightly when she saw him reaching for something in his jacket. “I’m here to stop this robber from breaking in. I’ve got it under control.”

Truly, Nell hadn’t intended to laugh in a malicious manner, but it was simply too bizarre to witness a self-proclaimed ‘hero’ running around White Crest, fighting crime and toting names such as ‘The Claw.’ She supposed in concept it wasn’t too bizarre. After all White Crest was in desperate need of as much help as it could get. But a masked do-gooder was a far cry from those she usually cleaned up the messes around this town. After all it wasn't as if hunters were running around in capes and hoods. Or...herself for that matter. Of course she’d never consider herself a hero in any sense of the word. She was fairly certain the people that Sasha was trying to emulate didn’t go around torturing sacrifices to bring their loved ones back from the dead. 

Nell’s head whipped around as Sasha and the man’s eyes met, and a frown was quick to turn her lips southwards as she saw him reaching for whatever he was concealing beneath his jacket. While Sasha spoke, Nell did her best to stay between the bounty and The Claw, a threatening and far more serious tone coming from her lips. “Don’t,” she commanded, the words meant both for the criminal and the attempted hero. 

“Or you’ll what?” The grungy man replied with a rough tone as he pulled a gun from its hiding place, training it on both the girls- dipping back and forth between them. “What are two little girls gonna do about it?” 

Nell kept her eyes trained on the man before saying, “Or I’ll start with breaking every finger in your hand, and then see if I wanna start on your other one.” As for The Claw… “You’ve got it wrong- he’s the piece of shit. I’m here to collect his bounty.”

Sasha froze at the sight of the gun, and just as quickly as it was pointed at them the woman moved between her and the man. It took too long for her to process, she should be quick on her feet, she knew that. What hero let someone come between them and a bullet?

“Bounty?” Sasha hated the way her voice squeaked up an octave, but to be fair, this was the first time she had seen a gun in real life and they were about two seconds from getting a much closer look if things kept up. “But you-”

Sasha may have misinterpreted things here. Were bounty hunters even legal? She guessed they weren’t any more illegal than a vigilante. She didn’t really have a good concept of them outside of action movies, and things were getting pretty actiony right now. 

She had barely heard the man speak, barely processed what the woman said either. But suddenly the man moved his hand again, a glint of metal catching in Sasha’s eyes. In hindsight, maybe it was just another threatening motion to get them to back off. But in a panic Sasha felt herself rushing past the woman. She wasn’t thinking. Maybe she should have. The next thing she knew one of her clawed hands was digging into the forearm of the man, the jacket sleeve torn and likely the skin under it as well. She didn’t hear the man's reaction, just an ear shattering bang as the gun hit the ground and misfired into the sidewalk. Sasha could only hear high pitched ringing after that, but she could see the man shout in pain and her grip on his arm tightened reflexively, as if he might pick up the gun somehow or draw another. 

“No!” Nell yelled as The Claw darted towards the man, eyes wide as she watched the girl make her attack, certain she was going to hear a gunshot pop off at any moment. And then a matching red would bloom on The Claw’s costume, staining the stripes as they seeped the girl’s life away. But no such thing happened. There was a bang, and Nell flinched as the bullet ricocheted to god knew where, and then it seemed The Claw was firmly latched onto the man’s gunarm. Had the girl brought hidden knives as well? But Nell hadn’t seen her draw them. The speed and high stakes of the situation didn’t allow for a closer look before she too was moving in on the man, fast and controlled in her approach as she kicked the man’s legs out from under him while he was distracted by The Claw. He landed hard on the warehouse floor, a grunt of pain falling from his as Nell planted a firm kick in his side once he was down. “I said, don’t!”

In the next moment, Nell tugged at her magic, using it to bend the man’s fingers into unnatural angles and making good on her promise of breaking them. While his yell filled the concrete walls, she grabbed at his wrists, taking special care to press down on the digits she’d just snapped, drawing a pair of handcuffs from a pocket and clicking them soundly around him. “Alright- okay,” she began, turning towards The Claw with a frown now that the man was no longer a threat. “Do you believe me now?” Gone was any of Nell’s previous amusement. 

Sasha only had her claws dug into the dude’s arm for a moment before the woman kicked his feet out from under him. Sasha didn’t try to keep her grip. She watched him fall and felt the sticky blood coating her hands. Oh god, gross. Her first instinct was to try to wipe the stuff off on her pants, but she really only had one of these costumes. So instead she held her clawed hand away from herself awkwardly as the woman kicked and cuffed the man.

Wait, how had she broken his fingers? Sasha blink, wondering if her eyes were playing tricks on her. Maybe like the bang had messed with her ears, the flash of the fallen gun had messed with her vision. It looked like they had just snapped by themselves. But she didn’t have much time to think about it. When the woman turned and spoke it sounded as if her voice was coming through water, but Sasha could still make out the words. 

“I-I didn’t realize there were bounty hunters here. I just saw you trying to break in and I thought...” Sasha's heart was beating hard in her chest, but as the adrenaline faded she started to feel anxiety creeping in, past the normal confidence that she tried to show as The Claw. “I didn’t realize.” 

For a moment Nell simply watched Sasha in vaguely concerned confusion, taking in the way she was holding her hand away from herself, apparently not all that accustomed to the blood she’d drawn. Another look towards the girl, and the witch could see something like shock beginning to grip The Claw’s body. It had been a couple of months since Nell had been reminded that not everyone was as accustomed to spilling blood and facing guns down, but as she looked at the costumed crusader— it was hard to miss the way her voice had changed, and Nell’s frustrated demeanour switched into something more sincere. “Hey- are you...alright? You can sit down or something if you need to. I have some water,” she said before turning to rummage in the bag she’d been carrying on her back, offering a water bottle soon after she located it. “You’re not hurt, right?” She hadn’t seen the man land a mark on the young woman, but what if that stray bullet hadn’t been all that stray, and Nell had missed it? WIth a quick and cursory glance over The Claw, Nell did her best to try and identify if she was bleeding anywhere. 

“Aren’t there bounty hunters everywhere?” Nell wasn’t entirely looking for an actual answer as she glanced once again toward the man they’d downed together. When he tried to open his mouth to speak, she granted him a warning growl before kicking one of his broken hands. Earning another howl of pain from the criminal. “Sorry- hold on,” she sighed at the girl before bending down to tug off the man’s beanie and stick it into his mouth as a makeshift gag. “There- now he won’t bother us, at least.” Taking some pity on the girl, she offered her name, hoping that might help set The Claw a little more at ease. “I’m Nell.” 

“I’m alright. I’m fine.” Sasha was fine. Mostly fine. She wasn’t hurt at least and the real bad guy had been taken down. But staring down a gun was a lot. Sasha took the water bottle, but realized she couldn’t risk taking off her mask to drink. Instead she poured a bit of it over her hand to clean it of blood, retracting her claws once they were no longer covered. 

“I’m not hurt I-” She stopped mid sentence as Nell roughly silenced the man. That was fine, all of this was fine. He was a bad guy after all. “I’m The Claw.” Wait, she had already told her that. “I um, thanks for the help. I’m sorry I thought you were trying the break in. I mean, you were, but you weren’t robbing anyone.”

She glanced down at the dude again. She didn’t exactly feel bad for him, not after threatening her and Nell. But at the same time she worried about how much she may have hurt him. “Do you do this a lot? Bounty hunting? I should probably know so I don’t mistake you for doing something bad when I’m out patrolling.” 

Nell didn’t intend to purse her lips at The Claw’s answer, but couldn’t help it as the other girl maintained that she was fine. The witch had heard that particular phrase more than once when it came to people reacting to the concerning outcomes of questionable experiences. If she were being entirely honest, she herself had used it on numerous occasions when she didn’t want to admit that something may not have been fine. But she wasn’t going to push the girl. “Alright.” At least she wasn’t hurt. Nell couldn’t help the way her eyes lingered on The Claw’s...well...claws as the girl poured water over them and her hand. So that had been how the damage was done? “That’s pretty neat,” she offered in a tone that she hoped was casual, nodding towards the girl’s hand. Was she a werewolf or something? What else had claws, but appeared to be human?

“Yeah, I remember,” Nell said with a tease in her voice, hoping to bring back at least a little levity to the situation. “The Claw. Pretty fitting I guess, isn’t it? Though...if you have more than one claw- shouldn’t you be The Claws?” A shrug later, and Nell was speaking again. “You helped, too. I mean you got the first hit on him.” Even though The Claw had successfully drawn blood and proven herself capable, Nell couldn't help the worry that was pooling in her stomach as she continued to watch the girl and listen to her mention attempted robbery. “You know...it’s pretty dangerous out here in White Crest. Also just in general. So what are you doing out here trying to stop supposed attempted robberies and shit?” Saving people in White Crest was an endless job, and more often than not you got hurt in the process. It was no surprise that Nell wasn’t keen on the thought of a spandexed and starry-eyed crusader making their way through the town’s problems. “But yeah- it’s my main source of income, so I’m generally sneaking around.” The word ‘patrolling’ only made Nell’s frown dip lower, concern continuing to grow in magnitude.

“It’s part of my powers,” Sasha said as she followed Nell’s gaze back towards her hand. “The Claws doesn’t roll off the tongue as much, I think my title is just fine.” Sasha couldn’t tell if Nell was making another jab at her, or just trying to lighten the mood, but at least the woman didn’t seem annoyed anymore. And that fact let Sasha relax slightly. 

“It’s my job. I’m here to protect White Crest.” Had Nell never heard of a superhero before? Even her reaction to seeing Sasha’s claws was weirdly nonchalant. “Not for money, not that there's anything wrong with helping for money. It is just my responsibility. I want to make sure the town is safe and those doing wrong are punished.” 

She tried to stand a bit taller, get back into the headspace of a hero. Like Nell said, she had just helped to take down a criminal. Maybe all the blood and guns was a bit unexpected but she had done it all the same. “I know White Crest is dangerous but I can handle it.” 

“Your powers…” Nell echoed as her gaze lingered on The Claw’s hands once more. It wasn’t exactly the word she would have used as she generally referred to the gifts of the supernatural community as ‘abilities’. Though she supposed it made sense for the girl to think of them as ‘powers’ if she was determined to run around playing superhero. “Are you...a werewolf?” Nell asked point-blank, seeing no other way around the question. She didn’t particularly feel like dancing around the subject, and they were the only humanoid creature she could think of in that moment that might employ their claws in such a way. 

“Your job?” Nell continued to question, not entirely sold on that description. “What do you mean by that? Why’s it your responsibility?” She could sympathize with wanting to make sure people were as safe as possible in White Crest, but she certainly didn’t consider it to be her job. It was just...something she was good at, and something she felt obligated to do. So where was this sense of duty coming from where it concerned The Claw? “Do you know?” Nell challenged, not entirely convinced. She couldn’t help but feel like she was somehow responsible for making sure this girl knew what she was truly getting into— the pain and heartbreak that lay down the line if she decided to take the weight of the world on her shoulders. “I know you wanna help- but it’s not always happy endings or whatever. Things go to shit. A lot.” And then years have passed and you don’t even know how you got here, but it’s too late to stop now. You can’t turn your back on people that need help. If Nell could spare someone the disillusionment she’d experienced over the last few years, and the bone-deep tiredness she felt half the time these days...she’d take that chance.

“I’m...no I’m not a werewolf.” Okay, Nell was clearly making fun of her now. “This isn’t some joke or silly halloween costume. It is my job. My responsibility. I have powers and I have to help people with them.” Sasha felt her face heat up. She wasn’t used to getting angry enough to raise her voice, and already she felt self conscious at it, clearing her throat and glancing back down at the cuffed man to avoid Nell’s questioning gaze.

“I know this town is dangerous. I can handle it. You don’t need to-” Treat me like a child. Act like I don’t know what I’m doing. Sasha clenched her jaw. She wasn’t going to argue. Nell had helped, but Sasha wasn’t going to try to explain this to her. 

“Are you taking him to the police?” Sasha motioned to the man. “Or wherever bounties go. I need to get back to my patrol.” It was a lie. Sasha was pretty sure she was going to head directly back to her dorm the moment she left Nell and sleep until she forgot about her annoyance and the gun going off and the feeling of blood between her fingers.

“I didn’t say it was any of that stuff,” Nell defended with a gut reaction, realizing she’d made a wrong step somewhere along the way. Certainly Nell had thought it to be a game at the beginning of their meeting, mistaking the girl for cosplay, but now she knew better. But if The Claw wasn’t a werewolf...what was she? Unless she simply didn’t know she was a werewolf. Maybe that was also a possibility. If that were the case, it would only fan the flames of Nell’s concern. How could the girl hope to save a world she didn’t have all the pieces of, and not get hurt in the process? “But you don’t,” Nell replied simply. “You don’t have to. Not if it gets to be too much or anything like that.” 

Nell recognized a stubbornness in the girl that was most likely mirrored in herself while The Claw defended her choices, and that only worried Nell more. But she also knew there was no sense fighting it if they were, indeed, alike in that trait. Any opposition would only be met with a stronger fight back. So if Nell couldn’t prevent the girl from taking a path that was rife with hardship, maybe she could at least help. “Fine,” was her short answer. “But if you have any questions— how can people contact you, anyway? Is there like a ‘The Claw’ twitter or something that you work off of?” If The Claw wouldn’t listen to her, then she’d simply have to settle for trying to keep an eye on the girl. 

The dismissal was obvious in the girl’s words, and Nell had no interest in overstaying her welcome at the moment. Besides, she did need to get this man back to the bail bonds agency. “I’m taking him,” Nell answered with her arms folded over her chest, not yet moving an inch. She usually utilized magic to get her bounties back to her employers, and though she’d already technically used magic in front of The Claw, she wasn’t about to do so again so openly when it seemed the other girl hadn’t noticed. “Good luck on your patrol.” She’d have to wait for The Claw to leave in order to finish her business here. 

But you were thinking it. You were thinking that I’m a joke. And you think that I can’t handle things either. But Sasha didn’t voice it. She didn’t want to get angrier at Nell, or vice versa, but it was already getting to that point. So she ignored the bounty hunter’s statement about what she knew she had to do or whatever, biting back a retort. Even the question about contacting her made Sasha irritated in the moment. She knew it was dumb, but it hadn’t been something she figured out yet since saving Connor and him asking her the same thing. Being reminded again that she had no easy way to contact someone without revealing who she was only made her worried that it would now come off as unprofessional to the bounty hunter. 

“I’m setting something up. Why don’t you give me your contact info and I’ll reach out to you if I need it.” A burner phone or some side account on something wouldn’t be hard, she just had to make sure it didn’t trace back to her. And behind the current annoyance and Nell, Sasha knew it would be smart to know how to contact her. Not that Sasha would need the help, but she didn’t want some weird bounty mix up to happen again. 

“Thanks.” Sasha said, unsure if Nell meant what she said about her patrol. At least she hadn’t detected any sarcasm in that, even if she seemed to want Sasha to get out of her hair soon.

Nell didn’t offer any more words as The Claw gave her a short answer, knowing that the peace between them was hanging by a thread. Instead she tucked a hand into her jacket pocket, magically summoning a piece of paper and pen from back home into her hand before bringing them back into sight. On the paper she wrote both her phone number, and the name ‘Penelope Vural’ before handing it over to the girl. “You can text me or find me on the town forum. Whatever works for you.” Friendship wasn’t on Nell’s mind as she offered the contact information, and instead she was hoping that she might be able to keep some sort of eye on the strange crusader. “Let me know if you ever need anything or whatever. Or have questions about who I’m after. Sometimes jobs take more than two hands...or claws, and I’m always down for action.” That was the best she felt she could do in making sure The Claw didn’t get herself killed, and without adding flame to the fire the witch had inadvertently built between them. 

Nell turned away from the self-made heroine, unable to bite her tongue any longer when the rock of dread was solidifying in her gut. She didn’t want to watch another person get hurt by White Crest, but she wasn’t about to stand by and let it happen either. When she turned to look over her shoulder, the other girl was already gone, and Nell hadn’t even gotten to give a well wishing of safety before the night air swallowed up The Claw. All she could think was that hopefully the town wouldn’t swallow the girl whole as well. 

[tomie-elle]

Haikyuu Matchup

@myeggodied: "Here for a matchup! I go by Keyo or Yo, either one. I’m 18, female. i’ve got brown hair, hazel eyes, i’m 5’2, i’m a Taurus. Born May 2nd. I’m super introverted, pretty shy, but I try my best to be nice to everyone (once u get to know me im loud). I LOVE cats and food. My love language is DEF acts of kindness, and physical touch. I’m a middle child, I like to draw, read and for some reason I find math fun. My favorite song is CharcoalHearts by Bones. As a kid I always found a way to bring a new cat home..lol. In a s/o I want someone very very attentive and tall/big, specifically male please. But a romanic rel. is ideal and I would like to know how my matchup and I met. Thank you so so much for doing what you do, you’re amazing. 💜"  

Hi Keyo (I love your name btw it's really pretty), the HQ boy I would most likely match you with is... 

Iwaizumi Hajime   

Iwaizumi=Best Boi

he for sure knows how to take care of his S/O

kind, caring, and supportive he’s everything you could ask for 

plus have you seen those arms (there's a reason why he is the arm wrestling champion) 

Reason(s): the main reasons for me choosing Iwaizumi as your matchup is because: 

attentive/understanding: you had voiced your want of an S/O who is an attentive partner and due to Iwaizumi's very supportive nature I thought that it would be a great fit for you. Iwaizumi is very perceptive with him  being one of the only people that is able to notice Oikawa's slight change in behavior/attitude, he for sure would notice when something is wrong and would be very pro-active with constant light-hearted advice and words of support/praise. In addition as a fellow introvert I understand that starting conversations with people your comfortable with can be a burden, with Iwaizumi's attentive native he would totally notice when your starting to go back into your shell so he'll always help start and continue the conversations when needed.

love language: Iwaizumi's love language has to be physical touch. He totally seems like one of those people who would rather express themselves through their actions rather than their words (I think he would have a hard time expressing himself through words, he would never be able to say want he really means). Having someone have the same love language as you can make a relationship a lot easier because it makes the communication between you both better because of it's easier to understand the person's actions/words. Iwaizumi's favorite form of intimacy would probably be just holding you, like whenever, he just loves having you in his arms (but like who wouldn't want to be held by Iwaizumi). He also loves hand holding, it makes physical touch a lot easier/more convent from, and it's one of the ways he's able to communicate with you. For example, when he notices that you're nervous he'll gently squeeze your hand to let you know that he's there, or when you're holding hand he'll kiss the back of your hand to let you know that he loves you. 

Scenario: (1st meeting) 

Spring, the season of new beginning filled not only with flowers blooming but with endless possibility. You had been hoping for a new beginning yourself with last year in the past, and the new year ahead all you could think about is getting out of school and doing bigger and better things for yourself. You’ve always been on the shyer side at times letting people and opportunities often pass you by because of your genuine fear of being a burden to others and always wanting to be perceived as kind. But that's you in the past, the new you isn’t going to let some dumb bullies harass a sweet and innocent little kitten. While on your way home from a long and tiring day at school, the only thing that sounded good right now was being able to draw in the comfort of your bedroom to let out all the tension and stress school brings with it. As you continue daydreaming and wishing the walk from school wasn’t so damn long, you happen to hear the loud laughter of a group of middle schoolers crowding around each other in the middle of an alleyway. Not really paying any attention to the crowd you continue on with your walk home, until you hear the slight meow of a kitten. You look back one more time into the alleyway and while the children clear for just a second you see a horrific scene. A small kitten was being placed inside a cardboard box and as suddenly as it entered one of the middle school boys started to throw rocks at the box, one by one each of the boys started to throw rocks at the cardboard box with the kitten trapped inside. Horrified and infuriated by the scene before you, you couldn’t just watch helplessly as a bunch on middle school losers were torturing a small and fragile kitten. You run to the kitten's rescue hoping to be able to stop the boys before they could inflict any more damage on the little cat. Screaming at the top of your lungs, “Get the hell away, you little dickheads, I’m going to call the cops of you all”. Stopping, all the boys can’t help but stare at a 5′2 being running at them full speed screaming like a maniac offering to call the cops, not wanting to look scared one of the boy's answers back with, “Yeah call the cops, I ain’t scared of you” and proceeds to shove you to the ground. But as soon as you are shoved a pair of muscular arms are wrapped around your waist to stop your fall. “You should be scared” the mysterious figure behind you growls at the boys. As if they had seen the devil himself, the boys couldn’t help but start to run away. Looking back at the figure behind you, all you can see is a pair of green eyes staring back at you with a look of concern. “Are you all right?”, the boy questions, “Yeah I’m good, um... thanks for that by the way,” you answer. “Hey it was no problem, they needed to be taught a lesson don’t you think.” “Yeah for sure” you giggle back, getting a better view of the mysterious boy, you can’t help but drool at how handsome he is, with a muscular figure and a pair of light green eyes, you can’t help but stare. “Sorry”, looking away shyly cursing yourself for staring too long, “It’s ok”, he answers back with a soft smile, “I wanted to tell you that what you just did right there was pretty badass you know that. Running to save that kitten it was really cool,” the stranger says with a slight blush, he always looks nervous you note to yourself. “What?!?” you quickly answer back, “Me? cool you’re literally the one who scared them all away with just one look”, looking away you can’t help but feel the warm blush start to litter your face. What are saying Keyo?!? you curse yourself. “The names Iwaizumi Hajime”, “Keyo or just Yo, whatever fits”, you shyly reply. “Keyo...that’s a very pretty name, I like it”, Iwaizumi says. You now your face is red, a handsome stranger complimenting you what is going on you ask yourself. While continuing to curse yourself for looking like an idiot, Iwaizumi can’t help but stare at the beautiful stranger in front of him. He remembers seeing you moments ago run into an alleyway screaming at the top of their lungs to save a little kitten, he can’t help but start to laugh. As you hear Iawizumi laughing beside you can’t help but ask, “What?” continuing to laugh he’s able to answer back with, “It’s just...nothing...nothing at all”. And just like that, your life can change as easily as deciding to scream at a bunch of middle schoolers.

(*srry if this sucked, my brain=not work sometimes*)

Honourable Mentions:  

1. Hakuba Gao

2. Kuroo Tetsurō

3. Ushijima Wakatoshi

[seagreen-meets-grey]

When Lightning Strikes Ch. 8

When your life is nothing but a cloudless sky, lightning can come and strike you so unexpectedly, you won’t even know what hit you.

Or: When Hiccup and Astrid meet, it is as if lightning strikes.

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18] [Chapter 19] [Chapter 20]

Crossposted on ao3 and ff.net

_______________

Her parents weren’t home when Astrid arrived. Letting herself in through the backdoor, she scanned the place, grabbed a handful of chocolate chips from the living room table and trudged up the stairs to her old bedroom that now served as a guest room.

The sheets were clean and not a single wrinkle dared to disturb the still sea of cream-colored linen. She felt like she just walked into one of the catalogues her mother had stacked in the giant, neat bookshelf downstairs. The only thing missing was the overly enthusiastic model having the time of her life feeling the fabric, and the book and glass of water decorating the nightstand to give a domestic impression. Looking around, Astrid found only the fine layer of dust on all surfaces betraying the perfect picture.

She dropped her duffle bag onto the tidy floor and let herself flop onto the mattress. Taking a deep breath, she could smell the detergent; the same one her mother had been using for as long as she remembered. Suddenly, she felt fifteen again, but in a room where no sports clothes and equipment littered the floor, the desk wasn’t covered in books and school supplies, and the walls weren’t decorated with pictures of friends and family and her rigorous, color-coded life plan.

Most of the photos now hung in her own living room, in-between several new ones, her wedding picture framed in the middle. The giant poster of her life plan was collecting dust amidst old furniture and boxes stuffed with her old toys in the basement two stories below. It wasn’t like that thing had worked out, anyway. Be the manager of an elite swim team at thirty? She still had a few years to go, but considering how she’d been training the same team of kids for a while now, that goal didn’t seem very realistic.

Not that that wasn’t the only part of the plan, which she’d designed way back in middle school, that hadn’t gone as she’d once been sure it would. The plan had considered boyfriends during her years of building her career, but no marriage and kids until she had the position she wanted. When Eret had proposed to her years before she’d even come close to that goal, and she’d said yes, she’d practically blown the whole plan to bits. And with everything else unexpected that had happened to her around the same time, she’d realized she couldn’t meticulously plan her whole life.

She pushed memories of that brief period away by jumping up and connecting her phone to her old stereo. To loud music, she danced through her room with a rag and a bottle of cleanser, singing and polishing every surface and every corner to the beat.

When she was done, she moved the party downstairs and set the table for dinner. In the past year and a half of being a wife, she’d jokingly donned an apron once a week and put her hair in an old-fashioned bun, waving a spatula around and putting on the act of a housewife from the fifties, much to her husband’s amusement. But both of them knew she only did this so she could practice her cooking skills, because she was too proud to admit that she didn’t have any.

Which was why there were pots of gratinated cauliflower, potatoes, and corned beef on the table when first her mother’s, then her father’s car appeared in the driveway. The meat had ended up too dry, but that’s why she’d prepared enough sauce in wise foresight. All in all, she was very proud of her achievement.

Her parents did a double-take when they came in and followed the clang of dishes into the kitchen where their daughter was washing pots and pans, surrounded by an utter chaos of cooking ingredients and supplies.

“Surprise,” Astrid grinned at their baffled reactions.

“I knew that was your car outside. What are you doing here?” her father asked. “Not that we’re not happy to see you, but you haven’t been to Berk in months.”

Her mother hung her jacket in the hallway and put her keys in the key holder under the cupboard with the spices, taking in the sight before her. “Did you cook?!”

“You don’t have to act so incredulous.” Upon both her parents’ raised eyebrows, she rolled her eyes. “Yes, I made dinner and it’s not poisoned. Now would you please eat it before it gets cold?”

Drying her hands on her apron, she took it off and joined her curious parents at the table, ignoring their slightly doubtful expressions when they eyed the food.

She took a bite of potato and reached the same conclusion as her mother. “Way too much salt,” Wilma commented, scrunching her nose. “But the sauce is delicious.”

Although she didn’t like to hear it sometimes, Astrid had always appreciated her mom’s honest criticism. It’s how she knew what she could do and what needed to be better. There was no talking around bullshit in the Hofferson house.

Which was why she held her chin up high and sat upright, conveying the notion of confidence and an abundance of shameful failure that she had to hide, while they all bravely put more sauce on their food. She celebrated her small victory when every pot was clean and every stomach full.

“Are you staying the night?” her father asked, scraping the last bit of under-salted cauliflower from his plate.

“Actually, I’m gonna stay a bit longer.” She immediately felt two pairs of eyes set on her face as she started collecting plates and cutlery. Unperturbed, she looked up and shrugged. “Eret’s on a convention for two weeks and I didn’t want to sit alone at home all day. And since you keep asking me to visit more, I thought I’d swing by for a while.”

“Since when are you sitting at home all day?” her father asked. “Don’t they have any dogs to train at the moment?”

The long answer would have been that ever since the Breakneck Adventure Park over in Bog had opened and the Raven Point Zoo had had a series of vandalism cases, the popularity and financial situation of RPZ had forced every department to cut salaries, even over in the attached dog obedience school Astrid worked at. Either a whole lot of people needed to get a dog that they needed help with training really soon, or their PR team had to come up with a better solution.

She settled for the short answer. “Not really.”

Her father looked like he wanted to discuss her occupational situation further, but she really didn’t want to get into it at the moment. She missed the dogs. Talking about her issues wasn’t what she came here for; it was rather the opposite. She wanted to distract herself, push away everything she seemed to be failing at.

“Do we have cake?” She opened the fridge and a few cupboards, coming up empty.

Her mother shook her head. “There’s ice cream in the freezer.”

Astrid made a half-hearted attempt at checking, but she didn’t really want ice cream. Ice cream was for summer days and break-ups, and neither the former nor the latter applied to her right now. If she wanted to overstuff herself and quiet the craving she’d had since last night, she needed cake. And if there was none in the house, she would find a way to get her hands on it somehow. With a determined nod, she set her agenda for the next day.

She slept until noon, went shopping for ingredients, and looked up the easiest cake recipe she could find; one even she couldn’t mess up. It ended up a little too crispy anyway.

Trying not to think of what Eret might be doing or not doing at any given moment, she flipped through every magazine her mother had during the next three days, even the catalogues. Still asleep when her parents went to work, they usually found her lounging on the couch when they came back, or dozing in the hammock in the garden.

Her mother asked her about Eret at least twice a day and Astrid quickly grew tired of telling her that he was doing fine. She knew what her mom wanted to hear from her, but she wasn’t going to open up that can while she was browsing through the latest IKEA catalogue for the fifth time as if it was the most fulfilling activity in the world.

On her fifth day back at her parents’ house, she went into battle with the kitchen again and baked three cakes – the first one ended up too dry, the second was perfect except that she forgot to add sugar, and the chocolate cream she added to the third was way too sweet. She ate the whole thing that night and regretted it in the morning when she woke up feeling sick and frustrated.

Pushing away any stupid upcoming worries related to sickness in the morning, she finally decided to leave the house. If everything she’d left at her own house was catching up to her at her island of refuge, she wanted to do nothing else than run. Channel everything into her muscles, kick at the ground with every step, show the world that this was something she could do perfectly.

She got up and opened the window, then got dressed while the fresh air cleared her head and chased away the queasiness. After she splashed cold water in her face, she already felt much better.

When she came downstairs, her parents were sitting at the breakfast table reading the newspaper, the radio playing the usual morning program in the background. Surprised that she was up so early on a Saturday compared to the past days, they eyed her running gear while she poured herself a glass of orange juice.

“Aren’t you going to sit with us?” her mother asked.

Astrid shook her head and chugged down the juice. “I’ve been neglecting my training. I have to catch up.” She knew that her mother wouldn’t object to that. And it wasn’t as if she was lying; she did need to train more, especially now that the swimming hall was closed for renovations and her assistant had taken over training the kids at the place that belonged to that damned theme park in Bog. Heaven forbid she betrayed her principles and supported that place in any way, shape or form. But if she sat down now, she might have to listen to her mother asking her about her home life once again.

“But tonight we’re going out for dinner, okay?” her father shouted after her when she’d already grabbed a banana and was halfway out the front door.

“Sure!” she yelled back and then she was gone.

She ate her banana and stretched on the lawn before she put the peel in the trash and fell into a brisk pace, heading down the street. Running felt invigorating, like throwing off a heavy coat and allowing her cells to be injected with life again.

A soft morning breeze caressed her skin and the beams of the May sun on her back promised another warm day, even though the browning leaves in the front gardens she passed were screaming for it to rain.

The whole city was in bloom. Streets were glowing in white, pink and lavender, rich greens adorned the trees, petals and pollen were flying through the air, and Astrid was glad she didn’t have any allergies. A particularly beautiful patch of blue, orange and yellow flowers made her slow down for a moment, listening to the bumblebees buzzing around the vibrant colors. Breathing in the pleasant fragrance, she continued down a narrow path towards the park.

She hadn’t bothered to bring her phone and headphones, taking in the performances of various arias pleasantly filling her ears from every direction. A family of ducks crossed her path at the entrance of the park, heading for the lake that stretched through the whole park like a still river. The water was glistening in the sun, its smooth surface disrupted by water birds going about their morning activities and various insects dancing at the top. Plenty of people were already out and about, runners like her, people with their dogs, a few families. A young couple with a child in a stroller caught her eye and she ran faster.

Concentrating solely on the road and the rhythm of her feet and breath, she shut out everything else, as if she were wearing blinders. She counted to ten, sprinted, slowed down, started anew, until her lungs began to burn and her feet were stomping harder on the gravel.

Life was good. Despite her payment cuts, her mostly self-imposed lack of exercise, and what happened last weekend at home, she was okay. A failure wasn’t a failure if she could overcome it. It was just a minor hiccup on the road… Ha.

One and a half years later and even the word made her stomach drop. She was back in Berk, not just in the outskirts to get to Raven Point for work, to the swimming hall for training, or to her parents’ house for one afternoon. If she didn’t want to return to a quiet house where she would anxiously wait for her husband’s return, she would have to get over her paranoia that she could run into the one person in all of Berk she didn’t want to see. Or rather couldn’t allow herself to see.

One and a half years and he was still on her mind. Not every day, sometimes not even for weeks, but he was like that annoying mosquito in her bedroom that, no matter how often she killed it, always respawned the next night. Perhaps if she kept comparing him to obnoxious, bloodsucking insects, her feelings about him would finally change.

She should have brought music. Then she could have just turned up the volume of the most energetic songs she had on her phone and drowned out every thought. Although the rush of running had shaken the layer of lazy languor from her limbs, she’d opened the corner of her mind that she’d successfully blocked with ignorance up until now.

She started counting her steps, just to have something to focus on in order to keep her mind from spiraling.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…

She was at forty-nine when she evaded an old couple on their bicycles, and an ice cream cart on the other side of the lawn caught her eye.

It wasn’t so much the cart that made her heart stop out of the blue, without any preamble. It was the tall figure waiting in line, it was the auburn hair burning on his head like fire in the sun, it was the magnetism that instantly made her recognize him by pulling at her soul like the moon pulled at the ocean.

She tripped and caught herself on the next best thing, which happened to be a young man with dark hair and a dog leash hanging around his neck like the world’s longest, ugliest open tie.

“Whoa, there!” The guy put a hand on her arm, a flirty grin on his face. “No need to fall for me, although I understand why you might.”

Momentarily confused, she blinked at him flexing his bicep and unabashedly checking her out. “What?”

He winked. “You should come to the gym with me some time to work out, you look like you work out.”

“What?” she repeated, her brain only slowly catching up to the situation. Her head turned by itself, seeking out the ice cream cart, but there was only a kid delicately balancing two huge cones with ice cream running down his fingers. She blinked. Had she only imagined – no. There he was, a few paces to the left, coming towards her. Coming towards her.

She completely froze, her line of sight pinned to his face, ears deaf to the lame pickup lines still coming out of the guy’s mouth like a waterfall. Then he looked her way, and the moment blue eyes locked onto green, she was transported back to Dagur’s party where she’d felt like a bolt of lightning had shot straight through her.

He stopped short and stared with wide eyes, mouth slightly agape, face white as linen. Time slowed down, an eternity of mere seconds passed, the universe narrowing down to its only two inhabitants.

“Hey, are you alright?”

The guy’s voice yanked her back to planet Earth and she realized she was still holding onto his shoulder, spacing out in the middle of the path like an idiot. Her heart started to beat again at full capacity and she remembered how to fill her lungs with oxygen.

“I… sorry,” she stammered and bolted, lightning fueling her, and she sprinted and sprinted, away from the green emeralds boring into her back. Out of sight, out of mind, until she had used up all of her adrenaline and her legs gave out underneath her.

_______________

Hiccup’s understanding of space and time momentarily vanished. Gravity was an illusion. Down was up and up was down. Were dragons real? Words had no meaning. Tuna was a lie. A frying pan was a kind of bird. Colors tasted like witchcraft. The eyes of Astrid Hofferson were even more captivating than he remembered.

He was certain only that last one was true. It was a mystery to him how his heart was still beating. He didn’t register the ice cream escaping his grasp and painting a trail down his jeans onto his shoes. He was too occupied staring after the blonde ponytail swinging on her back, shorter than he remembered, as her frame became smaller and smaller until she rounded a corner and was but a fading melody riding the waves of the aftershocks she caused to his heart and soul.

“Dude, people are staring!”

Hiccup blinked a few times before shaking the haze off his brain and following the source of the complaint to the man in front of him.

“Did you shit your pants or something? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Checking just to be sure, he shook his head. No, he did not shit his pants. He wasn’t so sure about seeing a ghost, though. With an awkward cough, he returned to reality and frowned at the sticky stains on his clothes. Typical.

“Who– who were you just talking to?” he carefully asked his old friend, hoping desperately he hadn’t imagined her.

Snotlout’s face changed from embarrassed to overconfident in the blink of an eye. “That hot chick over there?” With his thumb, he pointed over his shoulder in the direction she had just disappeared to. “Yeah, she totally digs me. Wouldn’t admit it, but she did.”

“Did she tell you her name?”

“Psh, Hiccup, my man. Names are for second dates only.”

Hiccup raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Let me guess, she didn’t even talk to you and only accidentally bumped into you?”

Snotlout opened his mouth, closed it, then turned and whistled for his dog.

“Thought so,” he mumbled and followed Snotlout to where the man’s dog was pulling so hard on its leash it wasn’t exactly clear who was the master of whom. Before they made their way back to Snot’s apartment, Hiccup looked back once more, as if the remaining ghost of her presence would show itself and talk to him. But she was long gone.

On their way back into the city, Hiccup barely said a thing, still miles away. But it wasn’t like he was needed to fill the air with conversation since Snotlout was talking nonstop. Hiccup managed a comment here and there, but if he’d been asked what they’d been talking about when they reached the apartment, he would have been unable to answer.

The inside of the apartment was, to his nonexistent surprise, a mess. Dog toys and barbells were lying everywhere, one side of the rundown couch was full of dog hair, and it smelled of bacon and sweat. But what struck Hiccup the most was the nearly bald fir tree in the corner. Dry needles covered the ground and mismatched baubles and an assortment of cheap wooden decorations were desperately clinging to the twigs like a last lifeline.

“Really? Still?” he asked while Snotlout put dog food in a bowl. “I thought you wanted to throw that thing away weeks ago.”

Snotlout shrugged. “Eh. Didn’t seem worth the effort. It’s almost Christmas soon again, anyway.”

“It’s May, Snot.”

“So? As soon as I buy a new one, I just have to put the balls from one tree to the other. No need to cram everything back on the shelf.” He opened a can of coke and flopped onto the clean end of the couch.

With a defeated sigh, Hiccup decided to free the tree from its misery and started with taking off the wooden stars. In the background, Snotlout was scrolling through his phone and slurping his coke.

“Snot.”

“What?”

“At least bring me the boxes these go in.”

He heard a series of groans and shuffling, a few choice swear words, then an armful of cartons were unceremoniously dropped next to him and the slurping started anew. Sometimes, Hiccup wondered why they were friends. But some bonds just seemed to miraculously never break.

His mind wandered to the park again, to the blonde ponytail highlighted by the sun, to the two blue orbs circling his thoughts ever since. He was electrified in such a familiar way, his heart speeding up again at the mere memory of her frozen face as she stared back at him.

“I think it was Astrid,” he blurted out, for fear he would burst if he didn’t voice it.

The slurping stopped. “Who?”

“The girl from earlier. The one you probably drove off with your obnoxious flirting.”

Snotlout was quiet for a moment. “Am I really that awful?”

Hiccup had to smile despite himself. That was why he was still friends with Snotlout Jorgenson. Because as irritable and annoying and full of himself he was most of the time, underneath all that there was a boy who actually cared. Cared what women thought of him, what his father thought of him, even what Hiccup thought of him. It was rare that he showed his vulnerable side and Hiccup always made sure not to tease him about his honesty, aware of the trust his friend put in him.

“Depends on what you said this time. Maybe stop diving in full force every time a woman so much as glances at you. Usually, they don’t like that.”

The slurping continued, followed by a loud belch. “I can’t believe I’m taking advice from you. You’re not exactly the king of the ladies. And if that in the park was Astrid, then I can’t even begin to tell you how far out of her league you are.”

Hiccup didn’t need to be told that. He’d always known that she was unattainable for him, just not for the reason Snotlout thought. There’d been a connection between them, and if he’d considered it only a hopeful fragment of his imagination at first, he’d definitely felt it the last time he’d seen her.

“Jingle bells, Hiccup smells, Astrid ran away. She will never love you back and Snotlout is the king!”

“That’s not what happened.” Hiccup regretted telling him about her. In his defense, though, that had been after Snot had put extra rum in his tea during the Christmas party thrown by the neighborhood they’d grown up in together. And if the woman from the park had indeed been her, then he refused to believe that she’d run away. General running, that’s what she’d been doing. The athletic kind.

“Jingle bells, Astrid smells, Hiccup ran away. He is such an idiot and Snotlout is the king!”

“She doesn’t smell,” Hiccup mumbled, overwhelmed by the sudden memory of her flowery scent when he’d stood so close to her under the canopy. When he’d come to her wedding in an attempt to make peace with the fact that they could never be together. Because he’d been too late; because it wouldn’t have mattered. She loved another man that she would spend the rest of her life with, and coming to her wedding day of all times to tell her he wanted to be that man would not have been fair. She’d made her decision and he couldn’t just tell her what to do.

Maybe he really was an idiot.

A part of him wanted to drill Snotlout for details, ask what exactly she’d said, if she’d said anything at all. Ask if she still had a nose speckled with tiny freckles and ask if her eyes still resembled a clear blue summer sky.

But he didn’t. He’d sworn to get over her, and so far, that had worked… Or maybe not, he’d just chosen to ignore it and to tell himself he wasn’t still thinking about her.

“What about Angela?” it came from the couch, accompanied by the metallic crinkling sound of an empty can. “She seemed to like you. Or Crankyhead McPurplepants.”

“You mean Kristy?”

“If she’s the cranky one with the purple pants, then yeah.”

Hiccup shrugged. “None of them worked out.” A few months ago, he’d downloaded a dating app and dived into the world of online dating, only to delete his profile and create a new one every other week in a vicious cycle of loneliness and breakups when none of them could smother the fire for long that she’d started within him. He was completely and utterly hung up on a girl he barely knew and yet felt deep in his heart every time a storm was raging through the sky and bolts of lightning illuminated the night.

And if he spent the majority of the next day on a bench in the park where he’d seen her yesterday, then that was just a coincidence. Because even the prospect of being friends with her seemed impossible, and who was to say he hadn’t merely imagined her? Maybe he’d seen someone who looked a lot like her, maybe even a cousin or some kind of doppelganger designed to torment him.

But she didn’t show up again. His stomach was growling and he felt restless, his right leg jiggling up and down like a bouncy ball on a sugar rush. Who was he kidding, anyway? He was just being pathetic. Giving up with a heavy heart, he left the park and went to the only place in Berk that sold his favorite cheap sandwiches on a Sunday evening.

Entering the main kiosk at Berk Central Station, he headed straight for the fridge, deciding between turkey and tuna, and ending up grabbing both sandwiches. It was only when he turned around that he caught sight of the small corner with the drugstore products.

Her hair was hanging over her shoulder in a slightly messy braid that she kept absentmindedly fiddling with. The jeans she was wearing had a large coffee stain at the side. The letters on her hoodie read Berk Vikings Swim Team and a year in Roman numerals. She was frowning at something on the shelf in front of her.

He blinked once, twice, to make sure it was really her, here, in this very kiosk, at this very moment in time.

Before he could overthink it, he walked up to her and, only hesitating for a few seconds, reached out his hand to touch her shoulder ever so slightly. She winced the same moment he pulled back his hand from the shock that had just rushed through his fingertips at the contact.

She turned around in question and time froze once more.

He swallowed hard. “Hey.”

[kingsuckjin]

Teach Me (pt.3 of 3)

Pairing: Teacher!Jin x reader

Warnings: angst, mention of oral.

Synopsis: Your reputation was no secret in school even before you hit eighteen and nineteen. You were trouble and everyone knew it, you weren't about to ease up with the final few months left either, you were going to go full force. You wanted one good last big stunt to pull before the end of the year, your last year. Only one thing could top the things you've done, you were going to have sex with the hottest teacher in your school.

Words: 5k

Prev //

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Sex with Jin was all you could think about, and you felt both satisfied and guilty. Of course you wanted to do it again though, it had been the best sex of your life so far.

You didn't know what to tell Jimin the next morning when he began asking questions about all of the purple marks that littered your neck.

"Oh my god, did he really do that? What if you did it to yourself?" Jimin joked, poking at the love bites on your neck as you both sat in his car in the parking lot before school started.

You self consciously clapped your hand over the marks. They looked ridiculous, but reminded you of all the fun you had last night.

"How could I do this to myself, Jimin?" You scoffed at him as he giggled.

"Tell me about it then? What happened?"

"What do you think happened?" Your voice was dry but he continued to beam at you.

"Is there a reason you don't want to talk about it? You always tell me about your hookups... Was he just bad? Did he try to teach you world history while you guys were-"

"No." You cut him off "none of those things."

"Okay, so did he make you call him Mr.Kim or sir or something?"

"Jiminnnn." You groaned and he laughed again at teasing you. "That's it, I'm out." You put your hand on the door handle.

"You think I could have a turn with him next?"

With Jimin's last joking comment, you stifled laughter as you got out of the car.

You knew he found it strange that you refused to talk about it with him, you usually told your best friend everything.

Jin paid you no mind during class, acting as if nothing had changed between you two.

You could've cut it off, you could've just left it as a one time thing like it was supposed to be, but he was stuck in your head. Now that you knew what he looked like naked, all you could do was imagine countless sexy scenarios with him while remembering the feeling of him being inside of you and filling you up as he let out those high, desperate moans. Yeah, the closeness after made you a little freaked out, but maybe you could tolerate it, or even get used to it if it meant you could keep re-living the experience you had last night, you craved him and his touch so badly.

At lunch, it didn't take long to decide to head to his room. You didn't even knock on the closed door, but just walked in to find him looking over papers.

"Hey loser." You said quietly as you closed the door behind you. A genuine smile appeared on his face and you couldn't help but smile too.

You pulled up a chair next to him and he picked up two containers of pasta one of which he pushed your way.

"I made it this morning, I didn’t know if you'd come… but I made two anyway."

The food was actually really good, turns out he was actually a decent cook after all.

"So, are you busy this weekend?" He asked as you both ate, you shook your head.

"Let's do something."

You agreed.

Saturday he took you to a fair three towns over so he could be seen with you. His jokes were stupid, his laugh was stupid, him winning you a stuffed bear was stupid but what he wore made you salivate over him. You thought he looked good dressed as a teacher, until you saw him dressed casually in black ripped jeans, a bright pink hoodie and a black hat. He kept the hood pulled up over the hat just in case anyone from your town was there.

After, you demanded he take you back to his house- where you had him practically yelling his moans in response to the blowjob you gave him. Later, he went down on you until there were tears in your eyes from the amount of times you gagged around him.

Over the next two months, it was hard to keep your hands off of each other whenever the two of you were alone which included when you ate lunch with him. You would either wind up making out with him on his lap, or his favorite activity, his head between your thighs while perched on his desk.

Although he didn't ask you to stay anymore nights at his house, you often stayed up late with him just talking about anything and everything, the crazy things he'd seen as a teacher and childhood memories like the times his grandparents took him to the zoo.

"Tell me about your parents." He asked and turned on his side to face you with nothing but his sheets to cover him.

"Well, they never really cared much, they're pretty busy with their jobs... have been since I can remember. I really don't even know if they love me. If I were to leave after school I bet they wouldn't even care. I feel like they were the first ones to give up on me, you know, before all my teachers did." You surprise yourself at how open with him you were about this, but it felt nice and you knew he wasn't judging you.

"Where do you want to go when you leave?"

"Probably just far enough for a fresh start but close enough to visit my best friend."

You watched him pout playfully at you in the dark and you knew it was because you didn't mention him.

"You quit your job and we can run away to Hawaii or something." You joked making him smile.

"And what? We’ll just be homeless? I don't think so, my dear." He leaned in and planted a quick kiss to your lips.

At some point coming over to his place became about more than just sleeping together. He was teaching you how to cook, watching movies with you. Of course you still had a lot of sex, maybe too much.

You met his quiet, almost vampiric looking roommate, Yoongi, one day after Jin had brought you over to his house after school and the place was slightly more of a mess than usual.

There was a random pair of underwear just casually laying on the sofa. You looked from the offending item to Jin who looked more horrified than anything at the sight.

"Min Yoongi!" Jin shouted through the apartment. The door to the second bedroom you had never seen into creaked open to reveal a pale, short man. He stepped out of the dark room looking tired dressed in pajamas even though the sun hadn't even gone down yet.

"What are you doing?! What are those?!" Jin pointed to the underwear.

Yoongi shuffled over to the sofa and snatched up the silk boxers with teddy bears on them.

"Well I was sleeping and those are my underwear." Yoongi stayed monotone.

"What are they doing in here?" Jin questioned but Yoongi was already walking back to his room with a shrug and underwear in hand.

"Nice meeting you, Jin's girlfriend." You didn't have time to reply before he shut his bedroom door back behind him leaving you and Jin both standing there dumbfounded.

"He seems nice" You shrugged.

You graduated, and you were certain he had done something behind the scenes, because you went from failing every class to passing. He wouldn't admit to it of course, but you didn't do anything to improve your academic record that last two months, not even your homework, the only thing that had changed was sleeping with your teacher .

Jimin finally figured out what was going on when you begged him not to tell anyone that you were sleeping with Jin

"Why can't I tell anyone? Do you loooooove him?" Jimin teased as you both casually sat on his sofa watching a movie, but your face was buried in your phone texting Jin.

Your reply was an overly dramatic gagging sound.

"Seriously though, it's weird to see you dating someone for once."

You finally looked away from your phone and over at you best friend with a look of murder on your face.

"Jimin, I don't date and I definitely don't fall in love, you should know that."

"Yeah but maybe-"

"Nope." You cut him off quick.

"Then if you don't care about him why can't I tell anyone? That was the initial plan, right? To spread it around next here so he would have a reputation of sleeping with stu-"

"He's hot and I owe him now. He miraculously helped me graduate." You pressed knowing that Jin wasn't a relationship, he was fun.

You liked Jin, of course. He was sweet and kind. Though your dark sarcasm and his dumb jokes clashed, his sense of humor began to grow on you. You found yourself appreciating little details about him, like his unique scent that stuck with you long after leaving his house.

He even managed to convince you to go to a stupid video game convention with him that you typically wouldn't be caught dead discussing infront of your classmates.

He dragged you into the convention center by the hand dressed in a very cheap Mario costume, mustache and all. You stopped at the doors.

"Jin, this is crazy I'm not going in dressed like this." You protested and he gave you a pout as you pointed to the Princess Peach costume complete with blonde wig he had talked you into wearing with the same sweet expression he now wore.

"But we match and tons of people are wearing costumes” He sweetly protested.

You looked around at all the people dressed up as characters you had never seen before.

"Well I think you're the prettiest cosplayer here and if anyone wants to make fun of handsome Mario and Pretty Princess Peach, then they're the real losers." He said and squeezed your hand "Don't worry, I've got you. Don't be afraid." His words and smile were just what you needed to let him lead you inside.

He kept hold of your hand the whole time so you, quote "didn't get lost"

He dragged you all over the place and by the end, your legs ached but he massaged them once back at his apartment, before he demonstrated just how much he appreciated you spending the day with him.

Everything progressed so naturally, you didn’t even notice that there had been a shift at some point. You were oblivious to the fact that the nature of your relationship was slowly changing over time.

"Let's do something." He announced with your head on his bare chest. His naked body was warm against yours, almost comforting.

"What? If you suggest we go to some video game convention again, you loser, I swear…"

"No." He laughed. "But I'm glad you came with me even though you hated it. I just want to do something different."

"And what would that be?" Your curiosity peaked hoping it was something sexy.

"Hmm I think I'll surprise you."

"If that's what you want to do." You smiled knowing he loved doing dumb things like that.

Your intrigue only peaked when the next night he pulled up at a hotel after not texting you for hours until he was on his way to get you.

"Is this where some anime or video convention is being held? Jin, I said-"

He cut off your nagging with a smile as he spoke.

"No, ding dong, it's not anything for me."

"Good because I'm wearing your favorite bra and panties under this and I really wanted to put them to good use."

"Wait." He seemed kind of shocked but laughed. "You did that? You did something for me without doing anything in return? Oh... Nevermind, it’s sex related, I think that’s the only time you really try to surprise me."

"No it's not." You replied but tried to think of a single time you went out of your way for him (besides in bed) but couldn't. "Shut up." You scoffed jokingly as you realized what he accused you of was true.

"Well at least now you know, right? Come on, let's go." He brushed off the matter and got out of the car. You thought about arguing that you just weren't a sappy person and you really didn't see the point in all of the things he did for you anyway, but you felt like you two argued enough about who contributed more anyway.

He reached for your hand in the elevator, completely bypassing the front desk and pushing the third floor button.

Once in front of a room door he made you close your eyes and yanked the hood of your hoodie over your eyes for good measure. A moment passed before he was pulling at your arm and nagging you to keep your eyes closed until he said so. You rolled your eyes behind closed lids as you agreed.

"Okay… ready!"

You opened your eyes and pulled your hood down at his command.

Before you he stood holding a rose out to you with a grin plastered on his face. Candles were lit, casting a dim glow all over the room. The bed in the room was scattered with petals, and the rest of the bouquet sat on a table not far from it. You took a moment to take it all in before looking back at him with the rose still held out to you.

"So we're fucking in somewhere other than your apartment tonight? That was the surprise? I mean I guess a hotel is adventurous…?"

"No, I mean yes, but no." He dropped the hand with the rose in it to his side.

"What? What's this about then? It's cute I guess."

He took you silently by the arm and led you to the edge of the rose covered bed where he sat down and had you sit with him.

"If you really want to know what this is about then I guess I'll tell you, I didn't really plan on it until later but I suppose now is as good of a time as any. I've never really explained, and you've never really asked why exactly I initiated this and I just… I wanted to talk about it all, everything, just lay it all out. I liked you from the moment I noticed you looking at me like I was the only person in the room."

You stayed silent and just listened as he went on, seeming nervous as he played with the stem of the rose in his lap.

"You were so pretty, and you had this record that was almost exactly like mine … you reminded me of the old me, which I think only made me like you more. So when you came to me saying you wanted to be different, saying you wanted to change, I wanted to help... But at the same time I genuinely liked you so much. I felt like we had similar personalities. It felt wrong to let a student pursue me. lf from falling for you no matter how hard I tried.”

He paused to gauge your reaction. When you responded by silently staring back at him he continued, determined to get everything off his chest.

“At first, in the classroom and at my apartment, I followed your lead because I wanted to, and to be honest, I really thought better grades is all you were interested in. But then you came back to me, and seemed like you wanted to spend time with me even when I wasn't your teacher anymore.”

He smiled softly to himself while fidgeting with the petals of the flower in his grasp, and sighed as he said “It feels better now that the semester is over. I feel like a lot of pressure is off me and you're not my student so I can finally tell you all of this. You know I like you and I know you like me too, but it goes deeper than that now. You're beautiful, and I like your jokes, and your laugh and the way you look at me, I like the way you smell and how your little fingers fit with mine when we hold hands. I know we argue a lot sometimes but I still care about you very much even after we do. You're just… you're an adventure, you as a whole, you make my life more fun. And I set all of this up just to… to tell you I love you, that I'm in love with you. I just felt like if I was going to say it then I should make it special."

His eyes looked up from the flower in his lap to meet yours.

"I-I…" your mouth floundered open and closed as your brain shut completely down.

"You don't-you don't have to say it back right now, I know it's something that you should be sure of and- and I know it was really abrupt and it takes time to process-"

"Jin, please..." You swallowed after a pleading whisper left your lips. You were now filled to the brim with guilt, why had you carried this on this long?

"Please what?"

"Don't. Don't do this." You just wanted him to take all of this back.

"What do you mean? It's been two months, how long do you want me to wait?"

"Jin…"

"Is it all of this that's scaring you? Is it too much?" His eyes looked around at the flowers and candles. He looked scared.

"Jin. I-I wish you didn't do this… at all, any of it." You struggled to find the right words to keep from hurting him. His brows furrowed as his eyes looked glazed over. Seeing him hurt actually hurt you, you did care about him.

"I just… I thought maybe you would feel the same, it’s been two months of us just spending time together, but… I'm-I'm so stupid." He blinked sending tears rolling down his face. "Why was I so blind? That's why you never stayed over, that's why you never went out of your way for me, never asked about my family or growing up or why I became a teacher, you never cared. You never cared about me." He sniffled and wiped at his eyes and your heart sank lower.

"I care about you, I do now, I have, but I… I'm just not in lo- I've never been in a relationship and didn't even know you thought this was one. Jin, I'm nineteen, I'm so confused, I didn't know it would end up like this if I kept it going. I really don't even know if I can even lo-" you felt tears prick your eyes and you felt anger swell within you. You hated that he was making you feel like this, you hated that he had that power over you. You felt the need to just run from this whole situation.

"I know, I know you had a problem with the closeness, I figured you did, but you've made so much progress. I had a feeling I'm the only one that's properly loved you and I hoped that I had helped show you how good it could be how-"

"Then if you knew how I was then you shouldn't be so surprised or hurt." You snapped under the guilt and pressure.

"I thought you were passed that. I thought that maybe we could both just be together, I thought that now the both of us had someone to reminisce about the trouble we use to get into. You wanted to go somewhere far away together so I thought we could do that, somewhere where no one knows that you were once my student...I thought I helped change you. But you're still that heartless little girl who attempted to burn down the school with people inside." His jaw clenched with tears in his eyes as his words burned you and only added to your feelings of anger and frustration.

"I lied about changing, Jin! I just wanted to seem like a better person to my teacher I was set on fucking! And since when are you the moral compass you claimed to be?! You fucked your student and manipulated their grades, Seokjin! Don't fucking make me feel like shit because I'm nineteen and I don't love you. You're nearly thirty, you creep!" You shouted words that you didn't mean at all, but they flew out of your mouth with rage anyway.

He closed his eyes a moment before burying his head in his hands and sobbing.

Your throat felt constricted and your eyes still burned as you watched him quietly cry.

The drive for you to just get away from this before you were a bawling mess was overwhelming now.

You stood.

"I'm so sorry, I know it doesn't matter but I'm sorry." You turned and walked toward the door without looking back. In the elevator your fingers shakily text Jimin to come pick you up as you hid outside by the dumpster. Tears fell down your face now, but you were still holding back.

It was only five minutes before Jimin pulled up but it felt like an eternity. You let the sobs loose once in his car. He had never seen you cry.

He tried to comfort you with a hand on your back but it just made you feel worse.

"There's something fucking wrong with me Jimin. What the fuck is wrong with me?" You blubbered.

He said nothing.

"I just need to go far away, I don't want to be here."

Jimin had already pulled over and was now just listening to you blubber.

"No. I don't know what happened between you and him but there's nothing wrong with you. You both weren't right for each other and I could've told you that before the both of you started dating." Jimin's sweet voice calmed you a little as you listened to him.

"I feel so bad. All of that… a whole two months, and I couldn't love him."

In your mind you could see his pretty face, him laughing, pouting playfully at you, that spark and joy in his eyes when he looked at you.

"You're nineteen, you don't really know how to love yet, he's twenty six and a loser anyway."

"He's not. He's not a loser." You sniffed and wiped at your face "he's such a good guy and I'm pretty much soulless."

"I promise you" Jimin looked you in the eye "You're not. Maybe if he was younger then he would understand."

"Or if I was older… he was like me when he was young, that's what he told me." You stared out the window at the cars that passed.

"Then maybe it was both of you, not just you, don't blame yourself. It sounds like it was just… if he was our age then maybe it would've worked out, both of you would've grown as a people together, but the timeliness just didn't match up. He was older and wanting more and you're younger with things to learn."

What Jimin was saying made perfect sense to you, he was born too soon or you were born too late.

"I wish I could've given him what he wanted, I wish I knew how to love someone but I just…" you held back more sobs "I want to get out of here. School's over and I said I would."

"I know…" Jimin's voice was heavy and sad "I'm surprised you haven't left already, school's been over for weeks… but I know you were staying for him."

You nodded confirming Jimin's suspicions.

"I cared about him but I just hope he doesn't hate me forever, even if we never talk again. And… I hope you don't hate me for taking off." You wiped at your wet eyes once more.

"No, I knew this was what you were wanting to do for a year now. We'll visit each other like we talked about. I don't hate you and I'm sure once Mr. Kim is over the heartbreak he'll think about it and understand that you both were at different places in your lives."

You hoped Jimin was right.

Jin never sent you another text nor did he call you.

You said goodbye to your best friend and you left that week.

Jin did change you, he taught you to be more careful and kind and that you could let someone get close to you for more than just sex.

You tried to love, to date. Sometimes it worked for a while and sometimes it didn't last more than two weeks, but you tried and worked on yourself little by little.

As the years passed, you grew to realize that you did return Jin’s feelings on the day he confessed his love, the last day you had ever seen him. You were just too young and inexperienced to know. The depth of your feelings for each other had scared you. You had treated him badly, not just by leaving him there crying, but the whole two months, it took you a lot of learning and thinking to fully understand how you hurt him.

But now, what was done was done and although it was heart-breaking to leave him that day, you wouldn't have changed anything about it. That moment was necessary for you to grow, and maybe for Jin to grow too.

"I can't fucking believe you talked me into sneaking you in here." You grumbled into Jimin's ear over the music as you sat at a table in a way too loud club. "You had to, how else were we supposed to celebrate your twenty first birthday?" He grinned.

"I don't even like things like this anymore, I think this was more for you." You told him but he didn't seem to be paying attention because he was staring off towards the bar.

"Jimin? Hello?" You asked to get his attention.

"It's Mr. Kim." He now turned to you "Jin is here do you want to leave?"

"Jin?" The name hadn't left your mouth in two years now but now that it did, it had your heart pounding

"No, no, let's stay." You said as you searched where Jimin had been looking until your eyes found him. Jin was already looking at you with an unreadable expression until he smiled at you and you smiled back.

You watched as he started towards you with his drink in hand. When you looked over at Jimin, you caught him taking off out of his chair faster than you could say anything to him.

You sighed but honestly you were amused by his reaction.

"Would it be okay if I sat with you for a minute?"

You knew his voice was coming, but when you finally heard it after years of only the memory of it, it hit you hard.

"Of course." You watched as he took Jimin's spot and once your eyes connected this time, the both of you couldn't stop looking at each other.

"How are you?" You asked.

"Fine, still teaching, still eating a lot, still collecting Mario figurines." The things he listed were the same, his smile was still the one you occasionally dreamed about, but his hair was different, it was black now. "And how are you? You just kind of disappeared."

"I needed to, I had a lot to learn, a lot to think about and do. Do… do you want to talk about this?" He made you feel nervous without even doing anything just as he always had.

"I wouldn't want to ruin your birthday by talking about it, but… I'd like to, if you’re ready”.

You were thrown off by his knowledge it was your birthday, he seemed to read your expression and laugh.

"Before you go getting mad at Jimin, I just want to say that I did pester him a little. He said I could do this as long as you didn't turn and run at the sight of me, and you didn't, you smiled." He paused and watched as you smiled again. "I ask him about you from time to time and I just wanted to tell you, as your former teacher, that I'm proud of you."

Your smile grew into a big grin and you felt your eyes sting. These tears building in your eyes were much different than the ones you had cried over his words two years ago, these were happy tears and even if they weren't, you wouldn't run away again.

"So you know I'm becoming a teacher." It wasn't a question but he still nodded. "Do you still teach? Did Yoongi ever make his big break?"

"No, he's still working on making it in the music industry, I think he's getting close though. I teach preschoolers now. I left after you. Ahhh I don't know if we should go into this, it's your birthday and I really just wanted to say that I was proud of you and happy for you." You knew that fake smile he was now putting on, and you were surprised to find that it still hurt you.

"Do you still think about me?" Flew from your mouth "sorry I-"

"Yes." His answer was quick as he looked you in the eye "you know I probably shouldn't by now and you probably don't… but the honest answer is yes."

"I do. I still think about you too and how it was just… just not the right time in our lives, I wasn't ready but thinking back on it, I did love you, I just didn't know it. You taught me so much and I don’t think I’d be where I am without you… especially with you changing my grades."

He laughed at your joke but his eyes were glassy.

"Why did you decide to become a teacher?"

"Well" you smirked "A few years ago a kind man once told me that everyone deserves another shot or something like that, everyone can change."

"Smart man." Jin laughed. "Must've been handsome too."

"He still is. I use to find his dumb jokes annoying but I think I appreciate them a lot more now."

The two of you gazed at each other for a moment, he still made your body heat, your blood pump fast and your brain spin, accept this time you weren't afraid of it or the thought of feelings and closeness that came with it

"Would you be willing to give me yet another shot? I know it's been years and I didn't treat you as well as I should've but…"

His eyebrows raised in surprise.

"I- I- yeah. Yeah."

You spent your twenty first birthday sleeping in Jin's bed, at last. And for the first time, you just held each other. Being with him again felt like the most fulfilling moment of your life so far, and it was the first of many loving moments together for years to come.

Tagging: @snakeuuuuuuu

[prairiesongserial]

11.15

Cody squeezed past the crowds of circus-goers filing up the ramp onto the Bellamys’ steamboat, grasping the rail hard every time he was brushed or shoved against it, and trying not to think about the gators he’d seen Madeline feeding in the cave. The threat that they were somewhere waiting below him seemed much more real now, even though the colorful lights of the circus reflected off the water and made the surface seem as smooth as glass.

Fleetwood had told him that the ferry he’d taken earlier would be able to drop him off right at the courthouse, but that he might not have long to find it if the Bellamy men running it decided they wanted to call it quits for the night and see the circus instead. Cody only barely remembered which direction the ferry’s dock had been in, and he tried to allow his feet to remember for him, finally relaxing and beginning to walk with more confidence as the soles of his shoes touched the boardwalk. He could still smell the scent of fried circus foods faintly in the air, but it was nearly drowned out by the earthy, mossy smell of the swamp water all around him.

He stayed at the center of the boardwalk, stepping deliberately, mostly watching his feet in an endeavor not to get too close to the water. Cody was more afraid of it than he had been before - and knowing that Johannes’s threats had been real all along made him wonder if Johannes was afraid of the water (and the gators), too. He was still musing on it as he collided head first with someone walking the opposite way on the boardwalk.

Cody reeled back, one of his feet slipping off the edge of a board and splashing into the water. His heart flipped over, expecting to feel the waiting, toothy maw of a gator snap around it, but the person he’d run into grabbed him brusquely by the arm and yanked him backwards.

“Careful,” Johannes said, his hands now planted firmly on Cody’s shoulders. Apparently satisfied that Cody wasn’t going to slip and drown, he removed them, and took a step back. A spark of recognition lit in his eyes, and he pursed his lips. “I thought you were off running around with Madeline.”

“I was,” Cody said, frowning back at Johannes. Wasn’t the circus show about to start? What was the ringmaster doing out here?

“So, what, you’re looking for your friend?” Johannes asked, before Cody could ask anything else, or even explain why he was out on the boardwalk. Cody felt his frown grow deeper as he tried to parse what, exactly, Johannes was talking about.

“What?” he asked, finally, feeling like he’d walked into an entirely different conversation.

“Your friend,” Johannes said, as if the term was self-explanatory. He gestured with a long, sweeping arm towards the hill where the circus had parked their cars, as if that explained anything. “Your boy. The blond one. Follows you around like a lost dog.”

“John?” Cody asked loudly, maybe too loudly. He’d been wondering what John had been up to all day. Not that John couldn’t fend for himself, of course - he had done just fine at the convent. But Cody couldn’t help but wonder, when they were apart.

“Sure,” Johannes agreed, with a shrug. He sidestepped Cody, reaching up to adjust the top hat on his head. “Look, I’ve got to get back on the boat. Whatever you’re doing out here, you’re on your own. I’m not stopping my act to bail you out.”

“I’m on courier business,” Cody said, though he was rapidly deciding that he could afford to make a detour first.

“So I see,” Johannes said, glancing over his shoulder and dragging his gaze over Cody’s Bellamy uniform, a little derisively. He was walking again before Cody could even think of a retort, crossing the boardwalk to the dock in long, confident strides. Even so, he stayed directly in the middle like Cody had been, never stepping too close to the water.

It was quiet, up near the circus caravan. Frogs and crickets chirped in the darkness, and Cody found himself relying on the light of the moon to see what he could, as the lights of the boardwalk and the circus faded into the distance. A lead weight had settled in Cody’s gut on the walk up, as he tried to wrap his mind around what John might be doing up here, alone. He couldn’t help but think of worse case scenarios.

The light in one of the trailers was on. Cody gravitated towards it, hesitating outside the door with his hand on the knob for a long moment. He wasn’t sure what he expected to see on the other side - John, hurt for sticking his nose into Hemisphere business, or maybe something worse. Johannes hadn’t even really said that John was up here, not really. Cody had just assumed he was, from the gesture Johannes had made.

Cody swallowed, and opened the door. His field of vision flooded with light, and he blinked as his eyes adjusted, taking in the inside of the trailer. John was there, blinking back at him.

“Cody,” he said, sounding surprised. He was sitting at a table near the door, entirely in one piece, looking a little lost among the clutter that littered every surface in the trailer. He got to his feet, and Cody saw a brief grimace of pain cross his face as he reached for his cane.

“John,” Cody said. He ran a hand through his hair to curb the embarrassing urge to cross the trailer and touch John, to make sure he was really there. It was a silly instinct - he was more anxious than he should have been, reasonably, but they were still in Hemisphere territory. That fact alone made it hard to relax. “You’re okay. I mean - are you okay?”

“Fine,” John said, but declined to explain further.

Something near John’s feet oofed to punctuate the point. The overhead light of the trailer flickered and buzzed, and one of the dogs from the circus trotted out from under the table to sniff at Cody’s shoes. It was the dog that Tim had called H.D., Cody thought, reaching a hand down to pat it behind the ears.

“Don’t look in her eyes,” John said, with a firm assurance that only came from experience. Cody gave him a questioning look, and he shrugged. “She gave me a headache. Twice.”

“That raises more questions than it answers,” Cody said, still scratching H.D. behind the ears. “What are you doing here, anyway? Going through Johannes’s stuff?”

“He caught me.” John shifted his weight, looking down. He absently leaned over to pet H.D.’s back. “He was here to drop off things he stole. From the Bellamys. So we caught each other.” He looked back up towards Cody. “Where were you?”

“With the Bellamys,” Cody said. He wanted to press John for more information, or ask why Johannes had just left him here after catching him, but John’s lack of elaboration said more than any explanation would have. Whatever had happened here had been strictly between John and Johannes.

John frowned. “Why?”

“They needed a courier, and I wanted to see what I could learn about Hemisphere. I’ll tell you about it later,” Cody promised, knowing there was no way he could succinctly explain the story of his day - Fleetwood, Madeline, the mansion, the gators. “Oh, but Madeline Bellamy’s bodyguard used to work for Marc. And someone broke into the courthouse, or tripped an alarm, or something, and they sent me to check it out.”

John lifted his eyebrows in a silent question. H.D. had gone back to him and was pushing her head insistently against John’s cane, but John didn’t seem to mind.

“I ran into Johannes and he said you were up here,” Cody said, extrapolating what John had meant to ask. “I thought I’d see if you wanted to come with.”

“Oh,” John said. Then, after a moment of consideration, “I do.” H.D. oofed again, and he looked down at the dog, almost wistfully. “We can’t bring you.”

“We really can’t,” Cody agreed. “We have to get on a boat to get to the courthouse. And I dunno if the ferry’s still running, so we might have to row.”

John nodded. He stepped towards Cody, and around him, leading the way out of the trailer. H.D. followed him, then Cody, the lights flickering out behind them before Cody had the chance to so much as look for a switch. Cody followed John over towards where the circus’ other dogs lay dozing, and watched as he leashed H.D., talking to the dog in a low, patient voice whenever it whined at him. Affection swelled in Cody’s chest.

“I missed you today,” he said, unsure of how else to articulate what he was feeling.

“Me too,” John said.

John stood from the crouch he had been in, and turned, making his way over to Cody with steady, deliberate steps until they stood inches away from one another. Cody could feel the warmth radiating off him, could very nearly feel John’s breath on his skin, and stood very still, not wanting to spook John. When he moved, it was only to clasp his hands behind his back, remembering that John had asked him to sit on them the last time.

John leaned in and kissed him. It was a sweet kiss, not overly long, but Cody soaked it up like a desert plant took in the rain. He closed his eyes and stayed exactly where he was, barely breathing, feeling nothing but the way John’s lips closed over his. And then it was over.

“I can row,” John said, abruptly.

“What?” Cody asked. His eyes fluttered open, his hands unlocking from behind his back as though John’s voice had broken a spell.

“The boat,” John said. He was giving Cody a funny look - a little puzzled and a little amused. “If we need to row, I can row.”

“Oh,” Cody said. “Okay.”

As if following an unspoken agreement, they both began moving back towards the boardwalk - Cody first, and then John. Hesitantly, Cody reached back behind him, and was gratified to feel John’s free hand slide into his. John’s calluses were rough against his skin, but it was comforting to feel him there in the dark, to know they were going together.

11.14 || 11.16

[this-lioness]

Another bullshit update on life in general

Work has kept me busy, and I’ve been trying to get more done creatively and around the house, as well.

This was the first weekend in awhile I didn’t do any (or much) meal prep, since we had enough in the freezer to last us for all the dinners this week, and even a few lunches for Marc.  I made a dozen eggs, cut up and roasted almost 5 lbs of potatoes, and called it a day.

I cancelled the physical therapist, because between work, gym, housekeeping and trying to do something other than being a machine I did not have time for an additional two rounds of exercises every single day.  We were getting up at 5 AM, leaving for work at 6:30 AM, leaving work for home at 5 PM, getting home from the gym around 7, then eating for a half hour.  It was not going to happen.

We ended up cancelling the gym membership, because -- as much as we want to go -- we are just too tired and hungry after an hour-long commute to be like, “Yay, let’s do something tedious and exhausting for a half hour!”

The long term goal was to cancel the membership anyway, however.  I told Marc I want us to concentrate on finishing the sheetrock in the former “cat room” this coming weekend so that we actually use it for its intended purpose, which was exercise.  I have that barre I bought last year that I haven’t had time or room to use even once, and the treadmill and hand weights is just sitting and collecting dust.  So anyway, that’s the plan for next weekend.

We will also be fostering two cats in the next couple weeks, and trying to find them a home.  Long story short we met an artist at one of the galleries downtown, very nice guy, and his friend or nephew or I forget has recently knocked up his girlfriend and decided, “Well, we need to move and get rid of the cats I guess!”

So they’re two year-old sisters, and he wants them to stay together, which is fine.  Like Rosie, they actually look very young, like maybe only 5 months old.  They have never been to the vet in their life, so no shots, and neither of them are fixed, which means it will be on us to take care of all that before they get adopted out.  I’m sure he’s going to be a great Dad [/sarcasm].

When Marc found out that the cats needed a full vet workup, including spay, he was initially resistant due to the cost.  I said okay, if you’re not comfortable with it you’re not comfortable with it, and went upstairs to investigate our options.  The Walmart just opened up a “Vet IQ” clinic that does basic veterinary care, and we can utilize a local spay clinic for about $50 per cat, so on that end alone we’d be shelling out less than $300 (there’s always food and litter, of course).

After awhile Marc came up and was like, “I think I was a little hasty, I’m sure we can make it work.” After I told him the anticipated costs he was much more into it, so that’s good.  Hopefully we won’t have any trouble finding a home for them.

Rosie is doing well at feeding time in her crate!  It has not stopped her from being an absolute maniac spaz about food, but there is almost no growling at all while she eats now.  She goes in her crate, Marc covers it up with a towel, and she eats with seemingly less hysterical anxiety.  I’ll call it a tentative win.

Rosie, by the way, loves Bones. Bones can usually take her or leave her, although his tolerance level is much higher when she’s not acting the spaz, although you see moments of affection for her as well.  She greets him with a nice long body rub when they cross paths, and yesterday Marc caught him grooming her head.  It does my heart good.

At the risk of jinxing myself, I’ve been doing much better at bowling for the past few weeks!  I did decently at league on Friday, and when we went for our Sunday practice I had a series of something like 145, 106 and 140.  Considering I was lucky to break 100 a couple months ago I’m feeling very encouraged.

What has worked for me, honestly, is throwing out a lot of convention wisdom.  Marc has always been very patient with me, explaining game theory and approach and all that, but no matter how much I tried to put it all together it just wasn’t working.  And I was really, really trying.

Then, a few weeks ago, I was chatting with someone about Dyscalculia, and did a bit more casual reading about it.  I was reminded that it often causes issues with spatial awareness, something I can absolutely vouch for (I actually suspect it’s part of what’s caused me to have such persistent problems with perspective and anatomy over the years, although that’s a discussion for another time.)

So I started keeping that in mind when we play: I used the techniques that I knew were helpful, but in any aspect where I was supposed to do one thing, but consistently got unexpected and problematic results, I tried to go more by “feel”.

It’s hard to explain why this works, but it has so far.  Basically, I had to throw out the notion of bowling at “angles”, and became more of a straight-shooter, keeping in mind that my ball does have a tendency to hook left.  I got something like 3 or 4 strikes in one game on Friday!

Which is not to say that I’m suddenly a good bowler, because I’m not, but I’m better, which is what I wanted.  What’s annoying is when (admittedly well-meaning) people are like, “Here’s what you’re doing wrong!” and try to teach me about techniques which I already know, but which just don’t work for me.

This happened two weeks ago I think, and I’m sure the lady meant well, but she also was ignoring me when I said multiple fucking times, “I understand, but I have spatial awareness problems, that doesn’t work for me.”

Like, repeating something at me over and over is not going to make it any more true.  I hear what you’re saying, you’re just wrong.

So in other news I finished two more of the Mori Girl Cats, and that dumb little werewolf thing that was strictly for my own amusement.  (Someone was like, “That would make a great t-shirt,” and haha, I’m not fucking falling for that one again.)  I also organized the office / computer area of the Geek Room, we stashed away the last of the convention stuff, and it feels much more clean and open and neat.  A place I actually want to hang out, and not anxiously work while avoiding the pile of shit sitting behind me!

Last night I also installed Sims 3 and treated myself to a handful of expansion and “stuff” packs.  I only had enough time to create one Sim last night, but I already look forward to giving him a cold.

…*cough*...

Unrelated, but I meant to talk about something that happened last Wednesday, when I was out running my Mom around to her appointments and whatnot.

So… for anyone who didn’t follow me on Facebook or my old Tumblr, the short version is that my Mom and I have a very long and complicated history. She was not a very good mother, she is a textbook covert narcissist.  She was an alcoholic for many, many years which caused serious and life-altering problems for me as a teenager and young adult, and after she got sober she transitioned to a prescription drug addiction which further deteriorated our already tenuous and fraught relationship, and landed both her and my stepfather in financial ruin.

About a year and a half ago, to help save them from the road to homelessness, we helped them sell their old house and moved them to Bucks County to live about 10 minutes from us, in a mobile home park.  We helped them get it fixed up, we help with maintenance, running errands, etc.  It’s a very cute little house, and although it took some time I think they see that now, and that their lives are better off.

When they first moved up here my mother was still on prescription drugs, but she very quickly found that it was impossible to find a new doctor to continue prescribing her the same pharmaceutical cocktails she wanted.  And boy did she fucking try. She’s already changed doctors at least three or four times since moving here, whipping out her favorite refrain of “I don’t think this doctor knows what they’re talking about!” every time they’re like, “Yeah, you don’t need to be on a steady stream of opiates.”

Eventually the lack of drugs caught up with her, the withdrawal passed, and for the past year or so she and I have actually gotten along okay.  She is still, and always will be, a difficult person, and I worry about whether or not she’ll find a doctor to start filling prescriptions again, but until then things are… okayish.

Anyway, that’s the long back story.

Back when they were still living at their old house, Marc and I would periodically go to visit them.  My Mom was always drugged out of her gourd, so I fucking hated going, but I had to do my duty, and she made every excuse imagineable for why she couldn’t come visit us.  So once a month we’d pack up, trek over to her house, order take-out, hang out for a while, then go back home again.

Except my Mother would do this thing where, after the food arrived, she would put the plates out, and then she would continue to gather plates and reorganize the kitchen while everyone was sitting down, serving themselves and eating.  

Like, the food would be on the table, we’d all be halfway through our meals and well on our way to being done, and my Mom would still be in the kitchen sorting around in the drawers for a mystery spoon or bowl that she needed, then finding it, washing it out, drying it, realizing it was the wrong one, putting it away, etc.

Eventually she would come out while everyone else was finishing up, serve herself a tablespoon of food, eat half, and then talk about how full she was.

For a while we would be like, “Mom… everyone is eating. We have everything we need. We literally don’t need anything else. Just come in and eat,” and she would ignore us.  Eventually I just stopped caring, and let her do her thing while the rest of us ate.  The sooner we finished the sooner we could leave.

I don’t know how else to describe her behavior apart from manic.  Like, when it was time to order, if I asked her for a menu, she would bring me the menu, and for fifteen minutes after I had called to place the order she would still be rooting through the drawers looking for more / other menus.  She would get herself so worked up that sometimes while we were sitting downstairs hanging out she’d have to go up and be sick.

All this just to give you a sense of what she used to be like.

Anyway.  I’m driving her home from an appointment on Wednesday, and she’s commenting how all of us just naturally turn into their mothers as we get older, even though we don’t want to.  In that I stayed dead silent through this observation I think she recognized that I disagreed.  So then she moved on to how different some daughters are from their mothers, especially in the kitchen.

And she said to me, “Like when I cook, I have to clean as I go along, I can’t just put everything in the sink until later.  Remember when you used to come over to eat, and you’d say to me, ‘Mom, come and eat, the food is ready!’ and I’d be so busy cleaning up that I wouldn’t even realize!”

And I’m like, “....”

Because that’s not what happened.  That’s not even fucking remotely what happened.  So she has spun the reality where she is an out-of-control manic drug addict and spun it into a funny story about how she’s such a neat freak that she doesn’t realize it’s time to eat.

I was sorely tempted to correct her, but at the last second realized it wouldn’t make a difference either way.  She is never going to look back on her behavior with any kind of clarity, and trying to force her to do so would just make the day end on a sour note.  If she wants to live in delusion, that’s on her.  I can tolerate it, but I’m certainly not going to feed into it by saying something like, “Yes, that’s precisely how it happened.”

She’ll have to learn to interpret the silence on her own.

Anyway, I guess that’s it.  Greatly looking forward to getting home and having a nice night on the couch, or maybe playing Sims some more.  I may even make some tea.

I hope all of you are doing well <3

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

When You Least Expect It, Part Seven

Jensen x Musician!Reader; Nathan (OMC); Mama Mia (OFC)

Also featured this chapter: Rob Benedict, Briana Buckmaster, Jason Manns

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

A/N: This is a slow burn fic that I have been working on for a while. Its a story I wrote for myself and just wanted to share with everyone. Yes, the “Dee” in the story is who you think, but there is no intended hate on her or their actual marriage. It is a work of fiction, that is all. Part seven is from BOTH POVs. There is also a playlist to go along with the series.  

Series Playlist: “When You Least Expect It” (Spotify). Songs in this chapter include: “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around”; “What About Love”, “The Joker”; “Whipping Post”

Beta’d by @closetspngirl who has contributed so much to this fic! Thank you for not only indulging my lunacy but encouraging it with gusto! She also put together the amazing wardrobe shown in this chapter, as well. I don’t know what I would do without you!!!

Chapter Summary: Realizing that its time to leave NJ again to get back to work on the festival and have a much-needed conversation with Jensen, Y/N meets up with everyone at ChiCon. This gives finally gives her a moment with Jensen and an added bonus of playing with Louden Swain, featuring Briana Buckmaster, on stage for a crowded ballroom; something that affects Jensen more than he was expecting it too.

Chapter Warnings: Ehhh... nothing really. 

WC: 9.5K

*Banner created by me; pics & gifs found online

It had been one month since Y/N left Austin and came back to New Jersey. One month of awkward texts with Jensen related only to work, daily calls or texts from Briana and at least one Skype or FaceTime call from Robbie every few days. When it came to the amount of work and scouting to be done for the festival, the little man was a bundle of nerves and Y/N was the only one who seemed to be able to talk him down.

February came, and that’s when the first real pangs of doubt began to creep in. The life she had begun in Texas was beginning to fade, and she found herself missing it. Y/N missed the townhouse and living so close to a city like Austin with the diversity in the restaurants, the bars, the bands, the nightlife… and of course, there was Jensen. She missed all of it. Not that life in New Jersey had been boring or lackluster. Y/N had gone back to work for Leo temporarily since she was handling both ends of the transactions now for the Brewfest. Being back in her small office in his hotel, living in the bungalow again felt good, but the longer the cold winds of winter at the shore blew through and chilled her to the bone, the more she really missed Austin.

It wasn’t all work, though. She had a couple of occasions to play at one of the bars that were still open in Seaside during the winter, as well as reconnect with a few friends from the Burlesque group. Y/N had even spent some time with Nathan, though when she did, she made sure to keep her guard up, be wary of any promises he made or plans he tried to get her to agree too. Reminiscing with him was a trap that was easier to fall into than she thought it would be, and after the third time they met for coffee, she invited him to go have dinner. Once or twice a week in the time she was home, she would run into him in town, or make plans to hang out. Y/N always tried to keep it in a public place, and never let him get too close. She was doing her best to follow Bri’s advice and figure out what it was she wanted from, not just Nathan, but life itself.

In between all of that, was Jensen. Y/N thought of him every day, and on more than one occasion picked up the phone to actually call him. However, knowing that he was traveling from Vancouver to conventions and back for the foreseeable future, she decided against it. After the way they left things, she thought maybe a random phone call wouldn’t be the best move and wanted to wait until she could see him face to face. When that would be, she didn’t know, but by the time Groundhog Day had rolled around, she felt ready to make it happen soon.

The morning she woke up with the intention to make arrangements to fly back, a winter storm warning had gone into effect, ultimately grounding all flights in or out of the area. Y/N knew the drill and began to run the errands necessary to hunker down for the long haul, getting supplies for two to three days at least. By the time she reached the bungalow and filled the small pellet stove in the corner of the room, the snow had started falling.

As a kid, seeing the beach turn from the beige sand, to white snow had always been sort of magical. Watching the waves crash and spray the icy mist into the swirling flakes made her feel like she was experiencing something majestic, and it always left her feeling a little whimsical and reflective. That’s what she was doing when she heard the knock at the door several hours later, just as the storm was hitting its peak.

Pulling the crocheted blanket around her shoulders, Y/N went to the front door and opened it enough to see who it was.

“Nathan?” she asked, then opened it further and with it came a burst of cold, snowy air. “Come in before the snow does.” She ushered him in and closed the door quickly. “What are you doing here?”

He removed his scarf and hat, shaking off the snow that littered his shoulders and boots. “I came by to make sure you were alright. Didn’t know if you realized that cell service is sketchy, wanted to be sure you had everything you needed.”

“Yeah, I saw the winter storm advisory last night, made sure to hit the market this morning. Don’t tell me you walked all the way here from Seaside Park. That’s a few miles at least.”

“No, I have my dad’s truck,” he said then paused before unzipping his coat. Y/N could see in his eyes he came not just to check up on her, but because he wanted to stay a while.

“I’m fine, Nathan. Just watching the snow, reading and staying warm. I have everything I need.”

“Ok,” he said and half turned back to the door, then faced her again. He wore that crooked grin that she used to love so much. “Well then, maybe you need some company?”

“Sure. But I am going to tell you now, you can’t stay the night. You have to leave before the sun goes down.”

“Of course, Y/N. I just thought we could hang out for a bit.”

“Want some tea?”

“No,” he laughed. “I hate that stuff. I’ll take a soda if you got any, though.”

“Sorry, fresh out,” she said, but there’s water or juice in the fridge.

“Sweet,” he replied as he shrugged off his coat and hung it on the rack, then removed his boots before heading to the refrigerator and helping himself.

Y/N strolled back to the couch and reclaimed her place near the window that overlooked the ocean. She brought her knees up into her chest and watched Nathan as he moved about the kitchen and the living room just as naturally as he did in the old days. When he finally sat, he took the spot on the opposite end of the same couch she was on and rested his arm along the back of it.

Whenever Y/N and Nathan saw each other while she was visiting this time around, things were always awkward in the beginning. It didn’t matter if it was just for coffee, or on the few occasions that she actually let him take her to dinner. It was almost as if neither of them knew what to do with the situation or what to say to one another. But given enough time, they would end up finding a comfortable conversation.

Some of the time she’d watch him as he talked and recognize the man she used to love; same high cheekbones, same crooked smile, and sandy brown hair. Only now, his hair was short instead of the shoulder length it was when they were younger. His sky blue eyes were still able to lock her in and make her wonder how it had all gone so wrong between them. He had been the love of her life, her prince charming, the man who was going to save her from the kind of life that you grew up promising yourself you’d never live. But it had all gone so, so wrong.

She considered asking him, potentially broaching a long overdue conversation that they needed to have; especially if there was any possibility of a future. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to start. She tried to hide the smile that wanted to come when she wondered what Bri would say about that, but it quickly faded when she realized how much she missed Bri, too. That would make her thoughts circle back around to Austin, again, and how much she longed to go back.

“Hey, haven’t seen these in a long time,” he said and leaned forward, and plucked one of the photo albums from underneath the coffee table.

“Oh, yeah…” she replied and craned her neck over to see which one he picked up. They had been there since she showed Jensen the pictures from Grease, which now felt like a million years ago.

“Holy shit, high school pictures,” he laughed and started flipping through the album.

Over the course of the next hour, Y/N sat a foot or two away, yet enjoyed talking about old times with him. It felt good to laugh with Nathan again; it felt good to have her friend back. She didn’t notice that he was inching closer and closer until suddenly the arm that had been draped around the back of the couch was now brushing against her shoulder.

Nathan continued shaking memories loose; he brought up their junior prom, and how they had spent the night on the beach under the Tiki bar, getting drunk and screwing around until dawn before falling asleep together wrapped up in a blanket. She was smiling at the recollection, enjoying the feeling it brought back into her life when she felt his fingers toying with a tuft of her hair.

“I’ve really missed this,” he said softly. “A lot. I’m glad you’ve let me back in and gave me a chance to make it up to you.”

“Nathan, I… I don’t know--”

He inched closer, and what he did next surprised her. Before she could react, Nathan was brushing his lips against hers. Her eyes stayed open, but his drifted closed. It only lasted for a moment, but in that time Y/N realized that she knew everything she needed to know. She didn’t push him away, even though something inside of her told her too. Y/N kissed him back, but timidly, and without passion. His lips parted against hers, making it clear that he wanted it to escalate, but after a moment, Y/N broke away.

She retreated from him and brought her fingers up, pressing them gently to her lips. “Nathan... “

“Don’t, ok? Don’t say it was a mistake. Just, promise me that you won’t shut down on me. If I was being pushy--”

“It’s not that,” Y/N said and swallowed hard. “I care about your recovery, Nate. Seeing how well you’re doing has even allowed me to start forgiving you. But in the spirit of honesty, you should know that I’m not ready to be with you again. I don’t know if I ever will be. That doesn’t mean there is someone else. It means that I am going back to Austin, and I am focusing on work and don’t want anything sort of romantic entanglements.”

“Oh,” he sighed, clearly disappointed. “That doesn’t mean we have to say goodbye though, right? Can I still call you? Keep in touch?”

“Sure,” she said, and genuinely meant it. “As long as you understand, that, for now, I just want to be your friend.”

She watched him process this and had a second where she didn’t know how he would react. He wasn’t the same Nate she knew most of her life, and yet he wasn’t the last version she knew, either. Nathan was turning into a product of both of those men, and she was still learning his mannerisms and couldn’t always tell what he was going to do.

Nathan made it clear he wanted her back, and this rejection could be dangerous if he wasn’t as far into his recovery as he had said. But once his shoulders relaxed, and he picked his head up to meet her gaze, he smiled more like the Nate of long ago.

“Of course, Y/N. I get it. I’m going to keep showing you that you can trust me again though.”

“You just keep doing what’s best for you, Nate. That’s what would make me the happiest.”

Y/N’s cell began ringing in the with the familiar tone of Robbie’s FaceTime calls. She hesitated to answer it, but also didn’t want to miss out on a chance to talk to him knowing there were some meetings coming up they needed to prep for.

“Excuse me,” she said to Nathan and got up from the couch, pulling the cell out of her pocket as she did.

Y/N moved through the room and stood at the precipice of the hallway as she answered the call.

“Hey Robbie, what’s shakin’?” she answered in greeting.

“Thank God you picked up. When are you coming back, lady? I need you in Austin. I won’t be able to get back to there for another week or so. Any chance you’re heading back soon?”

“I’m working on it Robert,” she replied with a sigh. “The damned snow, however, has other plans.”

“Soon-ish, then?”

“Yes, my darling. Soonish. Honestly, as soon as the airports open up, I’m getting a ticket and will be on my way.”

“Did he tell you that the TCAC meeting was pushed back to the end of February?” Robbie asked into the camera, and the concern she saw on his face made her feel guilty.

“No,” she answered softly.

Her disappointment was not lost on Robbie. He hesitated, not wanting to make her feel worse, though he knew Jensen had been avoiding her. He didn’t have all the details about what happened between them but knew enough to know something had. “He’s been crazy busy, you know. Traveling like a lunatic. I’m sure he just forgot.”

“I’m sure,” she agreed and immediately wanted to change the subject. “So, the grant proposals? Any word?”

“Yes! Actually,” Robbie paused, relieved that she was the one to shift gears and shuffled through some papers that were off screen. He held up two and smiled victoriously. “We got two approvals! One from the Austin Creative Alliance and another just came through yesterday from one of the Federal ones. Buuuttt… can’t seem too…” he drifted off to the side, leaning out of the camera frame again.

Y/N chuckled. “Rob, it’s fine, come on back.”

She shifted away from the wall by the hallway and wandered into the kitchen to put the tea kettle back on the stove. As she did, Rob came back into view and noticed Nathan in the background of her call.

“Oh, hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had company. I won’t keep ya while I look for it.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah… that’s ok. My friend Nate dropped by to be sure I was stocked up for the storm. He’s leaving soon, so if you need to go over more stuff later, I’ll be here.”

“Oh great. The band and I are going in to talk to a guy about some stuff coming up, so maybe I will give you a call later. This way you can be totally caught up before heading back to Austin. Which reminds me… did you make your travel arrangements yet for Boston or San Diego?”

“Yes. I am heading to Boston, San Diego and Seattle starting end of February through March. Couple days in each to secure all the contracts with the vendors. Oh, New Orleans, too.”

“Perfect. That means you’ll be back and able to head to Chicago with us, right? Same weekend as ChiCon? Thought we could meet up there and go check out a few bands.”

“Works for me,” Y/N said, and then realized that there would be no avoiding Jensen that weekend.

“Fantastic, you’re a gem, you know that?”

“Flattery will get you everywhere Robert.”

“Love it when you call me Robert,” he teased. “Ok, they’re yelling for me. I’ll talk to you later!”

“Bye,” she chuckled and ended the video call. She returned the phone to her pocket and continued to fix herself a cup of tea.

“So, work friend?” Nathan asked, getting up from the couch and heading into the kitchen now that her call was through.

“Yes.”

“Nice guy?”

“Yes, he is.”

Nathan nodded, leaned back against the counter and noticed she had only one cup out. “If you wanted me to go, you could just say so. I mean, you told him I was leaving soon. One cup out…”

Y/N sighed softly and tried to not turn the visit sour. “I thought you hated tea? Besides, it’s getting late. As well as things have been between us, I am not ready for you to stay here. With the weather being what it is, you probably should head back to your mom’s. I’m sure she could use your help with your dad being laid up with his foot in a cast. Can’t be easy for her to manage this weather on her own.”

He nodded, though she could see him straining to keep his mouth shut.

“I’m not trying to shut you out, Nathan. I genuinely have enjoyed hanging out with you again. You know, after all that shit happened--with the fight, and your life spiraling out of control--I never thought you’d be you again. Or that I would even be able to stand to be in the same room as you. But, here we are. Can’t that be enough for now?”

Nathan’s shoulders relaxed. “Don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

“Not if you want this to continue.” She was blunt, but she needed to be. Y/N didn’t want to take any chances where Nathan was concerned.

“Alright,” he finally replied and pushed off the counter. He went to take his coat off the hook and as he laced his arms through the sleeves, turned to face her again. “I’m grateful you’re giving me another chance, Y/N. I am. So, you call the shots, ok? I know you’re busy, but maybe once your traveling calms down, I can even come to visit you in Austin. Never been to Texas before.”

The idea of him in Austin felt strange. There was a sudden fear that if the two different parts of her life came together like that it would blow up her entire world in some glorious fashion. Trying to neither encourage or discourage the idea of his visit, she simply shrugged, found her most pleasant smile and nodded.

Nathan moved across the kitchen and took her in an embrace before she had the chance to say no. It was a familiar feeling; similar to what one experience when finding an old winter coat they hadn’t worn in years. It may not fit properly anymore, but the quilting of the fabric brought back pleasant memories.

“Call me, ok?” he said before releasing her.

“Sure thing. Take care of yourself, Nate.”

When Nate opened the door to go, the wind whipped through and the day’s fading light allowed him just enough time to get home before going completely dark. When the door latched shut behind him, she felt a mild sense of relief that she was alone again. There were still a lot of things she wanted to have time to mull over before returning to Austin, especially before seeing Jensen again in Chicago. The extended trip home had been good for her, despite the reasons she ended up there. It allowed her time to be sure that Austin and the job were the things she truly loved and wanted in her life.

Even the time she spent with Nate had been helpful in coming to the conclusion that he wasn’t something that had to stand in her way anymore. Her feelings for Jensen were still confusing and muddled, but in her heart, Y/N felt sure that her time as Nate’s girlfriend had come to an end. Though unexpected, the kiss they had shared that night cemented that. She could find room in her heart for him as a friend, but there was no future for them as a couple.

Lost in thoughts, Y/N didn’t move from the counter until the kettle began to whistle behind her. She flipped off the burner, and as she poured the hot water into the cup, she felt determined to settle the Jensen business. With so many of her other uncertainties fading away, she wanted this one too as well. Taking her cell phone back out of her pocket, she went to the contacts in her messaging app and pulled up “Mama”. If anyone could help her sort things out, it would be that tall drink of water.

<<Hey, any chance you’re around once snowmaggedon stops?

It only took about ten seconds for her to respond.

>>I’ve always got time for you, sugar. Whatcha thinkin’?

<<Rehearsal?

>>Cancelled.

<<Damn. Ok, snow should be done by midnight. Coffee at my place in the AM?

>>Be there with bells on.

<<Knowing you, I expect nothing less. Luv u!

>>Back atcha

The following morning dawned bright, with a clear sky and a snowy beach that reflected the colors of sunrise. Mama was knocking on Y/N’s door by quarter past nine, holding a pastry box in one hand and a garment bag in the other.

Y/N opened the door to greet her, and immediately broke out into laughter as she realized that Mama was wearing sleigh bells in her hair.

“You’re a freak,” Y/N laughed and gave the woman a big wet kiss on her cheek. “But you’re my freak.”

“Always and forever,” Mama purred lowly, winking at Y/N as she handed off both the pastry box and bag. “Dear Lord, I have not been here in forever! When was the last time?”

“God… it has to be last spring, maybe. Maybe even Christmas prior.”

“Either way, too long. Though I see you’ve kept the decor fisherman chic. Please, when will you let me redecorate for you?”

“One day, I promise. But for now, I have some things I want to talk to you about.”

Y/N moved around her small kitchen, pouring coffee and unveiling the apple crumb cake Mama brought from Freedman’s Bakery. The smell of apples and cinnamon instantly filled the room and mixed with the aroma of the coffee, Mama began to hum.

“Mmmm MM! It smells good in here. Like a little slice of heaven,” she sighed and pulled out one of the two chairs at the kitchen table. Just as she sat, she gratefully took the hot mug Y/N offered her. “What sort of things do you have on your mind?”

“Well,” Y/N started, then pulled out a seat of her own and began to slice the crumb cake. “I texted you last night because I had something on my mind. However, I couldn’t sleep last night, and I started thinking about work, and had something else entirely to talk to you about.” Y/N was rambling and Mama sensed she was probably already a pot deep into the coffee.

“Honey,” Mama said and covered Y/N’s hands to get them to stop fidgeting with the cake. “Slow down. First things first… what was on your mind last night?”

She hesitated, unsure of how to start. “I didn’t get to tell you because you were in Florida, but I went to a New Year’s party, back in Austin.”

“Ok, sounds fun. Continue,” Mama said and motioned towards her before sipping at her coffee.

“Right. Well, I guess I should start with saying that when I was home for Christmas, Nate showed up here Christmas morning. Then, I went back early so I could go to this party with Jensen. He kissed me at midnight and then I panicked and ran out.”

Mama coughed as she tried to swallow her coffee and then carefully placed the mug back on the table. She grabbed a napkin and wiped at the corners of her mouth like the old southern debutante that she had once been. Once she regained her composure, she sat up straighter and looked Y/N squarely in the eye.

“You best start from the beginning and leave no detail out. Because hearing that you spent an evening with that luscious man is one thing, but also hearing that dickhead’s name in the mix has soured the first bit. Explain yourself, please. What the hell do you mean that Nathan was here on Christmas? Why didn’t you call me?”

“He took me by surprise. He wanted to talk.”

“And you let him in?”

“Yes...” Y/N replied with a sigh, knowing she would get a barrage of crap from Mama for that.

“I’m in shock. After what he did to you!?”

“I know… I just… I don’t know. He wanted to apologize. He’s working the twelve steps--”

“Twelve steps? Ha! Twelve steps…” she muttered. “I didn’t realize you could twelve-step your way out of being a shithead.”

“I know he was terrible then, but for a lot of years he wasn’t and I guess I wanted to know if there was anything good left in him. I saw a glimmer of who he used to be.”

“We need to move on from Nate, cause honey, it just makes my blood boil.”

“Ok, so after he left, I went back to Austin a few days later and went to a party with Jensen. We’ve been getting along great, working together well, and he’s a lot of fun.”

“Yes, he certainly is,” she mused, her expression quickly fading from aggravated to dreamy. “Now I believe you mentioned something about a kiss…”

“He did. WE did… at midnight,” Y/N answered and couldn’t help feeling the twist in her gut that was now associated with that night.

“And?”

“And… it…”

“Y/N?”

She shrugged. “I’ve never felt anything like that. Ever.”

Mama’s face relaxed into a euphoric afterglow. “Please, dear, sweet Lord in Heaven tell me you let that man have his way with you.”

“No!” Y/N laughed and got up from the seat. She was feeling anxious about it all; mostly because she felt so stupid for having run away from him. “It was amazing, and then I got nervous. Someone walked in and it gave me a moment to basically lose my mind and run.”

“You left?!” Mama’s jaw dropped and she quickly stood from the table. “What the--Child, I should whoop your ass. First, you let Nathan in this house, then you run out on that precious Texas boy? It’s like I don’t even know you,” she huffed.

Mama, for a woman of her generous height and weight moved across the kitchen in a heartbeat and lightly smacked the back of Y/N’s head twice.

“One for lettin’ Nathan in, the other for running out on Jensen!”

“Ow,” Y/N whined and rubbed the back of her head. Her brow furrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Trust me, I wish I knew why I do what I do. One second we were… you know, gettin’ handsy, and the next minute…” she shrugged.

“That son of a bitch Nathan… he was on your mind, wasn’t he?”

“Partially. It was more than that though. I’ve had two relationships in my life, Mama. Two. Nathan, and he who shall not be named.”

“Mmmm, yes. I forgot you had your own Voldemort. But that was what... six months after Nathan left and lasted for less than a month? You can’t count him… especially cause I can’t even remember his name.”

“Whatever, my point is, that both of these relationships were toxic. The last thing I want right now is another go-round with getting my heart broken. I should never have dated after Nathan, so figured I would try a one night stand. It left me so cold and empty. I don’t want that, either. I didn’t want to ruin a good friendship with Jensen, or have it turn toxic.”

“Sug, I get that. But you can’t push your feelings away every time they try and wake you up.”

“Can’t I? I love this job, Mama. I feel like I finally found what I am meant to do. What if we slept together, and it got weird. I wouldn’t be able to work with him. Besides, it’s not even all that happened.”

“What else?” she sighed and rubbed at her temples. “This should have been a Bloody Mary breakfast.”

Y/N ignored her quip. “The next day I told him I wanted to talk. He said he was busy. So I stopped by to drop off some contracts and it turned out he was home. He lied because he didn’t want to talk.”

“That’s why you are back here, instead of living in Austin?”

Y/N nodded and watched with anxiety as Mama seemed to sift through a host of quiet thoughts before deciding how to respond.

“If I didn’t love you as I do... I would smack you again.”

“Why?”

“He lied? So what?! You ran out on him! You know what that’s gonna do to a man’s pride. Hell, anyone’s pride?! Sugar, you… you need to stop lettin’ that heart of yours dictate all your decisions. That man--I spent time with him, ok? I saw how he watched you on that stage. You didn’t. I saw how his face lit up, and that gorgeous grin spread from ear to ear. You mesmerized him.”

Mama took Y/N’s chin between her fingers and lovingly lifted her face so their eyes could meet. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t like that boy.”

“I can’t,” she whispered, almost pathetically. “I do like him. But I’m also very scared of him.”

Mama considered this for a minute and smiled at her friend. “Then, you need to go back to Texas, make amends, and rekindle that friendship you two had been startin’. I think that will be how you stop being so damn scared.”

“I have a flight out tonight,” Y/N said and laughed when Mama raised both fists into the air in celebration.

“That’s my girl!”

“I mean, I won’t see him for a while, but I think you’re right. I owe him an apology. I just hope he can forgive me.”

“I have no doubt that he probably already has. Now, that’s settled… Nat--”

“No. I’ve given him enough thought lately. I’d rather talk about my burst of inspiration that I had last night.”

“Which was?”

“You, the whole troupe… I want you to perform at the festival.”

Mama’s eyes grew large, her plump dimpled cheeks expanding as the smile unfurled across her painted pink lips. “Shut the hell up! Seriously?”

“Yeah. I mean… I am still working out all the logistics, but, we have a few stages to fill and I thought who better than to take on one of the theaters for the Saturday night slot? Whatever you guys wanna do… it’s your call. We have a hotel all reserved for talent, so your accommodations are taken care of. And I am sure I could help you with the travel arrangements. I just need you guys to say yes, and you’re in.”

“Well slap my ass and call me Sally!” Mama cackled and smacked her knee; her southern lilt bolder than usual. “You best believe we’ll be there, suga!”

“Fantastic! I will get you all of the details as soon as I get back to Austin.”

“Well now, hold on one second… you know what’s funny,” Mama said and went into the living room to retrieve the garment bag she had brought with her. “I brought this today because I thought you may want it for something. Didn’t know what, but when Marie brought it into rehearsals last I was there, everyone agreed only you would be able to pull this costume off.”

She hung the hanger on the top door of the refrigerator and slowly unzipped the vinyl bag. Y/N softly gasped when she saw the frock Mama had brought her. It was a full-length strapless dress that had a corset top with a heart-shaped bustier with deep purple accents, streaming out into a black skirt that was shorter in the front and flowed out from the back. The skirt itself had black velvet swirls imprinted on the ebony material and heavily ruffled bottom that would give it an amazing look when it twirled.

“Mama…” she breathed and ran her fingers over the dark purple accents. “This is gorgeous.”

“It is. And in the bottom are the accessories. You have to wear this. At least once. And what a better place than at the festival. So, you agree to perform one number with us, then we will be there to fill your stage for an entire night.”

Y/N considered the offer and knew that she had to say yes. She hadn’t gotten to the point where she thought about her part in performing at the festival. Working behind the scenes had completely garnered all her attention, so this was the first time she gave it any real thought.

“Alright,” she said, “you win. I will take this back to Austin with me and put it aside for a night on stage with The Corsets. Do I get to pick the routine, or…?”

“Oh no, honey. I’m the Creative Director now,” Mama pinched her cheek and took her place back at the table. “Now, don’t think I am done talking about this whole Jensen situation. I wanna hear more details about this New Year’s Eve party…” She leaned back and sipped her coffee before taking a large bite of her crumb cake. “You best start talking.”

For the rest of the morning, Y/N caught Mama up on New Year’s Eve, including playing with Bri, hearing Jensen sing, the encounter with Dee all the way up to her moment in the game room. By the time the coffee was gone and the cake was only crumbs, Mama had heard the tale, soup to nuts, and sat there stunned, letting it all sink in.

They talked a while longer before Y/N realized the time and had to get ready to leave for the airport. Mama had hugged her tightly with both a warning and a promise before she left.

“I promise that we will put on one hell of a show for those Texans. But, in the meantime, stop being stupid and go kiss the cute boy. Let him know that you’re all in, even if it is a slow-moving gamble. You’ll regret it if you don’t. You hear? I’ll keep my promise to whoop you when I get to Austin if you don’t. Got it?”

“Yes, Mama,” Y/N laughed and embraced her again before watching her go out into the cold winter air.

Hours later, as she made her way through the airport and onto the plane, she felt good about going back. There were still a few lingering doubts about how she and Jensen would be with seeing each other again, but there was time to work on that. First, she needed to get back to Austin, her new home, and refocus herself completely on making the Brewfest as big, bold and beautiful as Jensen’s vision for it was. Outside of that, everything would just have to wait.

Much like Y/N expected, there wasn’t much of a chance to see Jensen through the rest of February and March. It was disappointing to her, mostly because she was really starting to miss him. His schedule in Vancouver changed last minute, which caused him to have to miss the Texas Creative Arts Council meeting as well as a few others he had intended to be at, in turn dashing her hopes of finally getting to talk face to face. Her own travel schedule picked up, as she zigzagged across the country meeting with business owners, sponsors, and supporters of the Hometown Brewfest extravaganza.   

The frequency of text exchanges between them increased, and it gave her a glimmer of hope that they could still work through whatever they needed to. As the weeks carried on, and the dates of ChiCon inched closer, Y/N found herself growing more and more anxious about finally having that moment.

Two weeks before, the whole group was in Nashville for a con, while Y/N was wrapping up some last minute business in New Orleans. She was chatting with Rob about a band she found by happenstance, and during the video call, Jensen passed behind him in the background. Her heart lept up in her throat, though she successfully kept her outward demeanor calm and collected. Y/N watched as Jensen did a double take as he noticed her on the screen of Rob’s phone. Leaning over his friend’s shoulder, he shoved his face in the camera and smiled, gave a simple wave and then was called away before he could actually speak.

It was enough to give her that final boost of confidence that they would be ok, but she still desperately needed to clear the air with him. That, however, wouldn’t happen for another two weeks when she found herself pacing the backstage area of the hotel in Chicago where the stars of Supernatural were gathering in preparation for a weekend full of panels, photo ops and a jam-packed concert with Robbie’s band.

Y/N had arrived that Saturday morning well after the festivities had gotten underway. Bri was the first person who she found and was greeted by an over-exuberant hug and the subsequent barrage of questions about everything under the sun. She was quickly whisked away to her panel with Kim, leaving Y/N holding her credentials and aimlessly wandering around the hotel. That was until she found herself on a mission to finally locate and talk to Jensen.

The extra wide hallway of the hotel outside the green room was carpeted with the ugliest yellow, gold and blue carpeting Y/N had ever seen. Though, as she paced it back and forth, she couldn’t take her eyes off of it. Eventually, she found herself pacing along the blue lines that intertwined between the yellow and gold diamond pattern. As ugly as it was, it was somehow keeping her nerves at bay. She could run into Jensen at any time now, and it took all of her willpower not to just turn and run… again.

She wouldn’t though. Her and Jensen needed to set things straight. She didn’t know if this was the way to do it, or what she would say exactly, but she knew it had to be done. Y/N had gotten a peek at his schedule when she checked in and got her credentials to be able to come and go as she pleased. He would be in the green room now, or at least on his way there. So that’s where she headed.

Y/N stalled once she reached the green room door, deciding that maybe just barging in and demanding he talk to her was a bad idea. That’s when the pacing started again and continued for several minutes. She bit on her lower lip and closed her eyes, hanging her head and trying to decide what to do.

She continued walking, but with her eyes closed, she didn’t realize she was walking off her pattern, and straight into oncoming people.

“Whoa there!”

Y/N looked up, and in horrific slow motion, realized she ran square into Jensen’s chest. His hands had gently grabbed her shoulders when they collided, and they lingered there now as recognition touched his features one by one. Seeing him again after so long felt like a shock to her system; her mouth went dry, and she could feel her hands starting to tremble. When she tried to swallow, it stuck like a lump in her throat cutting off the air to her brain and making her feel light headed.

“H-Hey,” she breathed.

“Robbie said you were gonna be here,” he said, then nervously ran his tongue out and over his bottom lip. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah,” Y/N agreed, still unsure of what to say. “How’ve you been?” Her words were hesitant and staggered; her gaze unable to break from his.

Jensen finally realized his hands were still on her shoulders and quickly let go.

“Good. Busy, but good. You?”

“Better now that--”

The green room door opened with a bang, startling both Jensen and Y/N. Half a dozen people funneled out, mostly hotel staff, but Robbie was among them.

“Just who I was looking for!” he exclaimed and walked over to them. “You,” he said pointing to Jensen, “have about two minutes before Rich is gonna call you up for your panel with Misha. And you,” he turned to Y/N, “need to come with me while I got a quick ten minutes and figure out where we are going tonight if there’s time. There are a few clubs we gotta hit between tonight and tomorrow.”

“Can you just give us a minute, Rob?” Jensen asked him, and yet, his eyes still didn’t waver from Y/N’s gaze.  

“Uh, sure. I’ll be right over there, Y/N.” He looked hesitantly between them, and quietly stepped back and around the corner.

Jensen cleared his throat and turned back to her, unable to disguise just how nervous he was. “About what happened… I wanna, I mean, we should talk, but I do gotta go right now--”

“Right, of course,“ she said, taking a step back from him and suddenly scared to say what she wanted to. “We can do it another time.”

“Later, you’re scouting bands tonight with Rob? Sounds fun. Maybe if you’re not back too late--”

“Mr. Ackles!”

A small blonde haired woman popped her head from around the other end of the hallway and waved frantically for him to come.

“I gotta run,” he said but took a beat to hold her gaze a little longer. It took the impatient little woman at the end of the hallway calling him again, to get his feet moving.

Jensen took a few steps in the direction he had to go, then turned to face her as he walked backward down the corridor. He chuckled nervously and Y/N felt a rush of relief when she realized he seemed truly happy to see her.

“Don’t go far, okay? The panel only lasts about an hour. Maybe we could talk after?  I’d really like too--”

“Jensen, please, the panel is starting!” The woman was pleading with him now.

“I’ll be around, Hollywood. Come find me,” she shrugged, trying to be calm, cool and casual. Y/N held back as best she could, but Jensen got the idea that she was happy to see him, too.

“You got it, Trix. I’ll come to find you.” The corner of his mouth pulled up into a smirk, and as he continued to walk away from her, Y/N could hear his happy chuckle fade down the hallway. Just before he turned and disappeared completely, he paused and gave Y/N a wink before heading off to his panel.

When he had disappeared around the far corner, she sighed heavily and laughed to herself, completely overcome with relief. A moment later she heard Robbie walk up behind her and clear his throat.

“Everything go ok?” he asked hesitantly.

Y/N nodded. “Yeah,” she said and did her best to stow the overwhelming relief she had over that encounter with Jensen. “I think we’ll be good.”

“Good,” Robbie said and slung his arm over her shoulders. “Now, let’s talk about the weekend, shall we?” He turned her around and guided her in the opposite direction.

The panel, one that he normally loved doing, felt like an eternity on that particular Saturday afternoon. Jensen and Misha answered questions, engaged in their usual banter, and of course, made a room of hundreds of people scream and laugh with delight. He did his best to maintain his normal energetic vibe, but even Misha could see that his mind just wasn’t in the game.

Instead, Jensen’s mind was firmly stuck on Y/N.

She was there, in the same city, in the same hotel just a few hundred feet away. All he wanted to do was go and see her, talk to her, hash this dumb shit out that made them lose three months of getting closer; three months of seeing her smile, hearing her voice and getting to know more about her.

Jensen was pissed at himself for weeks after New Year’s Day. Regardless of whether he had the right to be upset at her or not, he reverted to his petty and childish demeanor, where women were concerned, and he beat himself up for it. His knee jerk reaction to her running out had everything to do with Dee, and not so much Y/N herself. He needed to tell her that’s why he lied about something so stupid to avoid her. Y/N would understand… that’s what made her different.

Y/N had made the effort, hadn’t she? She came to leave the envelope, and in it was her plea to talk to him. She wanted to explain herself, but at that moment he just couldn’t let her. Then she ran back to New Jersey so fast, which initially made him angry. But it didn’t take him long to realize that she’d been through just as much bullshit with her past as he had, and instead of being angry, he should try and sympathize.

Weeks later he happened to talk to Rob who’d mentioned in passing that he had a FaceTime call with Y/N. It had been in the middle of the snowstorm towards the end of January that she told Rob she would be coming back to Austin. That wasn’t all though, was it? As Jensen sat on the panel stage, and half listened to Misha tell a story about his daughter that made the crowd roar with laughter, he was thinking about the guy hanging out with Y/N while she was home; the one Robbie saw in the background that day. As if on cue, he laughed at Misha’s story, joining in with the rest of the ballroom, but on the inside, he was simmering with jealousy.

Jensen wondered if that was the same “old friend” that showed up at her place on Christmas, and of course, couldn’t help but be curious if that guy was part of why she’d run out on him. Swallowing down the bile that rose in his throat, he continued on with his Q&A with the fans and tried to forget it for the time being.

Finally, the panel had come to an end, with it also being their last panel of the day. Misha was escorted to his last set of photo ops, while Jensen was able to head back to the green room, hoping that he would once again bump into Y/N.

The hallway where he had left her was now empty, as was the green room. He considered calling her and asking where she was, but instead texted Rob and asked if they were still together.

<<Hey man, is Y/N still with you?

>>Nah, she went to check a few places out while it was still light out. She’ll be back for SNS.

Jensen sighed and sent back a quick reply, then tucked his phone away and headed back to his own room to get ready for that night’s concert.

Louden Swain took the stage around nine that night. They played through a few of their originals, and then a handful of covers with some of the cast. Jensen knew he’d go up for a couple of songs, but he was holding out until the end so he could catch Y/N.

“Hey handsome,” Bri greeted, coming up alongside where Jensen was sitting, startling him out of his thoughts. “How’d your day go today?”

“Great,” he said with a tired smile. “Long day though. How about you?”

“Oh you know, fantastic. Kim and I kicked ass. Had some great ops… a cocktail or two in between. You know, the usual.”

“That’s my girl,” he teased and then perked up thinking she could help him. “Any chance you’ve seen Y/N around?”

“Yes! Earlier today when she first came in, then about five minutes ago. She’ll be here in a second, why? Got something you need to say to her? Hmmmm?” Bri raised one perfectly manicured brow at him, challenging him to open up a bit more.

“Yes. Actually, I do.”

“Good boy. I know she wants to talk to you too--” From the stage, Bri heard her cue to go up with Robbie for her song. “Look, she’s around. Talk. To. Her. Then, keep her close, I’m gonna need her.” She wiggled her brows and stuck her tongue out playfully before bounding up the short set of steps that would take her backstage.

Jensen chuckled as she disappeared behind the curtain and out to the roar of applause from the crowd. He tried to think of what he would be doing that night with the band. Jason was playing too, and they talked about The Joker and maybe Whipping Post. He closed his eyes and ran through both songs, half hearing Robbie and Bri singing “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around” coming from the stage. He certainly didn’t hear Y/N and she came from around the corner and stood in front of him.

“Hey stranger,” she said softly. Despite the music coming from close behind him, he heard her perfectly.

Jensen opened his eyes and thought maybe he was just imagining her there. She looked different than she had earlier. Gone was her T-shirt and ripped jeans, a look that he really loved on her. Now she wore the tight blue jeans and knee-high boots with a black and white, long sleeve peasant-style blouse that was loosely tied at the neck and open enough to accentuate her cleavage. Jensen had a split-second thought about what she had on beneath it before he was able to make himself speak again.

“Hey yourself,” he breathed, standing up from the platform he was sitting on. “How’s your, uh, you know, how’s it--”

“I’m good, Jay. Robbie asked me to come back for the concert. Glad you stuck around. Are you going up there tonight?”

Jensen nodded, suddenly tongue-tied and unsure of what to say.

“They sound great,” Y/N motioned towards the stage and took a few steps closer. “That’s a great song.”

“It is,” he said, but needed to say more and was tired of waiting. “Y/N,” he paused and waited for her to face him. She did, and he could tell she knew what he was about to say. “About New Year’s…”

“Jay, wait. Before you say anything… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for running away like I did. I shouldn’t have--”

“It's okay. I shouldn’t have lied about the stupid movie. It was all so…”

“Stupid?”

“Childish. I guess I could give you a laundry list of reasons--”

“But they wouldn’t matter,” she said quietly and cast her gaze down to her feet. When she looked up at him again, he saw something in her face that made him relax and understand she wanted to move on as badly as he did.

“Yeah. Can we just,” he sighed and shrugged, “just get back to being friends?”

“Yes. I want that, more than anything,” she sighed in relief.

“Good,” he breathed and took a hesitant step closer to her. Y/N stepped in and put her arms around his neck to hug him. Though it took him by surprise, he didn’t waste a second in returning the embrace. She felt so good in his arms as they snaked their way around her waist. It took a lot of willpower on his part to stop himself from nuzzling his face into her neck and drawing in a deep breath of her scent.

From the stage, the music shifted and while the band kept playing, Bri popped her head through the curtain and saw Y/N with Jensen.

“Hate to break up this very much needed moment, but Y/N, I need you up here please.”

Jensen reluctantly released her and saw the scheming look in Briana’s eyes. He narrowed his gaze at her, and she just slyly winked. “Come on slowpoke! They’re waiting.”

“Who’s waiting?” she asked, looking curiously between Jensen and Bri.

“Everyone…” Bri replied and swept back the curtain so Y/N could see the audience.

“What? Oh no, I didn’t--I’m not--”

“You are, and you can. Come on, lady! Time to get your cute little ass up here and sing on stage with me and Robbie.”

Y/N looked to Jensen to save her, but he just shook his head. “Oh no, I’m with Bri on this one. Like I’d ever pass up a chance to watch you on stage.”

Realizing she was being ganged up on, Y/N sighed as her chin fell to her chest in defeat and she made her way up the small set of stairs. “I hate you both,” she chided and both Bri and Jensen rolled their eyes.

Jensen watched from backstage as she got up next to Robbie who was on the mic and introduced Y/N to the crowd. When he spoke about the Brewfest the crowd cheered, and it was the first time Jensen understood just how much work she’d been putting into it, not just into organizing things, but getting the word out to the public about the upcoming event.

Robbie leaned over and whispered something in her ear, Y/N nodded and faced the crowd, giving them a wave. Jensen saw how they seemed to love her already and they hadn’t even heard her sing yet. Robbie faced the band and signaled the next song as the familiar beat of Heart’s “What About Love” kicked in.

Y/N started to sing, and Jensen felt his knees go weak. It had been a while, too long he would say if someone had asked him since he had heard her sing. She fell right into the groove with the band, completely unaware of how sexy and majestic she was on the stage. Bri was beside her, sharing the verses and singing harmonies together. They blended effortlessly with Robbie’s voice, too. Y/N held the notes and used her strong bravado to carry them out, once again making the crowd go wild.

Hints of jealousy filled Jensen, but not because of the reaction she was garnering, but because he wasn’t on stage next to her. How could he have not sung with her yet? At least strummed a guitar while she sat across from him, her tender pitch humming along with whatever he was playing. It suddenly became of utmost importance to him to share a stage with her, but for now, he just hung back and relished in the way her voice made him feel. Anyone that saw him watching her would know that he was so clearly infatuated with this girl, and almost nothing would have pulled him away.  

As the song wound towards the end, Jason breezed past Jensen, smacking his shoulder along the way.

“Almost ready, brother? Gonna kick it off with ‘The Joker’, right?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah! Just like we said, call me in when you’re ready.”

“You got it!” Jason replied before running out on the stage.

Jason handled the first chorus, and during the musical interlude, he brought Jensen up and he easily slipped into the version of himself he brought out on the Saturday Night Specials. He noticed that Briana and Y/N were still up there, yet off towards stage right, and singing along with the chorus of the song. Jensen casually strolled in their direction, just feeling the need to be as close to Y/N as possible. The moment the music came back around to where he picked up the song, happened to be the same moment that Jensen walked around behind her, then was at her side. Without giving it a second thought, he draped his arm around her shoulders and sang the lines directly to her… their eyes locked as if he was speaking solely to Y/N and not to a room of hundreds of people.

“You’re the cutest thing I ever did see…

Really love your peaches wanna shake your tree

Lovey-dovey lovey-dovey lovey-dovey all the time...

Oooey baby I sure show you a good time…”

The song played on, and eventually, he moved back across the stage and sang out to the crowd. But the expression that came to rest on her face was not something he would ever forget. He caught glimpses of her smiling as her eyes followed across the stage. He liked how it felt for her to watch him; he felt uninhibited and free to be himself.

When it was over, he was disappointed as Bri grabbed Y/N’s hand now that their turn on stage was done. They waved to the audience and the band transitioned into “Whipping Post” while they exited through the back.

As Jensen belted out line after line of The Allman Brothers song, he wished Y/N had stayed out there with them and secretly hoped she was watching from backstage. Thank God he was singing a song he knew without having to think about because all his mind could really focus on was how good it felt to have her back around. At that moment, Jensen had felt better than he had in a very long time. 

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[midwinter-fox]

Heartache

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

So, a quick note because I wanna. I've gotten way more people following me and liking my stuff than I thought I would!! It seriously fills me with so many good feels, I cry a little inside with each notification I get. I've been having a rough time keeping up with writing thanks to Life, the Universe, and Everything (not the book, but still a great read) so I was wondering if it'd be too much to ask for some kind of review..? It can be in the form of an anonymous ask, or a comment, or even a private message. I'd really like some motivation to keep going, or I might end up burning out.. Anyway, y'all didn't come to hear me complain, but I might be encouraged to pump out more fic if I can get some kind words. c: My bitching and moaning aside, here is the next chapter!

It was late into the night - or perhaps it was very early the next morning - before the lovers laid in pleasurable bliss, content with the extent to which they'd explored each other. Leonore's head rested on her lover's chest while her fingers tenderly stroked the coarse hair beginning to sprout from his jaw. She allowed her thumb to brush across his lips every so often, and each time she did, he would press a light kiss to it. Though he thoroughly enjoyed their time together, Dettlaff couldn't help the feeling of remorse that began creeping up in him.

He was there to care for her, not rut into the next day.

Eventually the hand that gently pet him stopped moving, her breathing slowed, and her eyes fluttered closed. She was thoroughly spent, especially considering she'd only barely managed to keep up with her vampiric lover and his seemingly endless stamina. She fidgeted only once when he kissed the top of her head, but then snuggled into him as well as she could. The way she cuddled was like she was trying to almost completely consume him, but it pleased him to no end. Were her bed big enough to accommodate both of them, he'd have attempted to embrace her in kind.

This was perfect, he thought. She was perfect. She wasn't Rhena, but he wouldn't have her any other way. The never-ending praise, constant smiles, and perpetual kindness made his heart feel full again - he’d received some when he had Rhena, but never to this extent and never to the point where he almost had to convince her to stop lest she overwhelm him. Though, now that he thought about it, was Rhena's affection ever truly genuine? He'd never know, but he sorely wished she'd have just told him when she had the chance. It would save him the torturous thoughts that still plagued him two years after he killed her. Then again, he did bring this upon himself.

Alone to his thoughts now that Leonore slumbered peacefully atop him, he began to feel the ever familiar aching in his chest that brought the ill twisting in his gut. Hatred for Syanna and what she did to him began welling to the surface, but who he hated most was himself. He didn't know what he'd done to drive his lover away, but whatever it was, he only had himself to blame; it was only about time before that same fatal flaw forced his current beloved to flee him too, was it not? The beast inside him wanted to pace and snarl and lash out, but when he looked down at the mess of brunette hair and the woman it belonged to splayed across his chest, it resorted to sulking and fuming instead. He dared not wake her up with his often violent temper, but his intrusive thoughts persisted.

Why had Syanna used him? Why the betrayal? Why the heartbreak? Why him? If all she wanted was an assassin, she could've had one of her brutes do it or found one for hire. Instead, she took his heart and cruelly toyed with it until she had effectively turned it black. She knew he would go to the ends of the earth for her - and still would though she lay in a crypt - so why would she give him such hope and love only to discard him then come back years later to take advantage of him? Pain unlike any he'd felt before choked him, but still he remained quiet in his mental torture.

The smell of blood hit the air, but Dettlaff recognized it as his own. He'd dug his claws into his palm deeply and could feel the crimson liquid oozing out to drip onto the bedding. Just as quickly as the wound was made, it stitched itself back together. What he wouldn't give to feel a prolonged physical pain to counterbalance the emotional one. He could just as easily rip his own still-beating heart from his rib cage and crush it beneath his heel, but it would regenerate back in his chest where it belonged only moments later.

Unable to lie still any longer, he decided to use his vampiric abilities to his advantage. With a sigh, he let himself fade into his incorporeal form and slip from beneath his lover, allowing her to gently plop down onto the bed that was beneath them. She stirred only slightly, but quickly settled back into a restful sleep. Dettlaff, on the other hand, stood in the center of the room and gathered his clothing from the floor.

Now that he was up and about, he could survey all of the damage he'd done to her room. Feathers from her pillows were everywhere, including the clothing he now gathered. Her headboard was cracked and there were skid marks on the floor where the bed had been forcefully pushed to the side. Holes littered her bedding and now there was blood thanks to his hurting his own hand.

Despite the destruction, he did not regret a single thing they had done that night. In fact, that particular memory would be burned into his mind. He was especially proud of himself for having not harmed Leonore save for a potential hickey or two, but it was hard to resist when presented with such delectable thighs. It was a trial trying to refrain from claiming her like his instincts roared for him to do, but if memory served, that very well could've been what pushed Rhena away. He was too bestial, too monstrous to be considered a conventional lover. He loved like an animal - he knew that much to be true. This fact was the very reason why he tried so hard to show restraint, for he greatly feared that he would drive Leonore to leave him too. Should that happen, he knew not what he'd do.

After dusting as much downy feathers out of his clothes as he could, he put them back on. Buttons and buckles fastened, he sat on the edge of the bed to slip on his boots. The shifting of weight on the bed made Leonore stir, her eyes ever so faintly opening as she tried to fight wakefulness.

"Dettlaff..?"

"Hush, liefje. Sleep."

"Where're you goin'..?"

"I am going out for some air and to speak with Regis. I will return shortly."

"Please don't go.." The pitiful way she whimpered for him made him hesitate in his decision to step out, but he wanted to clear his head before he did something he'd regret.

"I promise to return," he said softly before kissing her forehead. She hummed in sleepy defiance. Then, he remembered what she had done for him when he'd woken from his nightmare and ran his claws through her matted hair. His fingertips gently rubbed at her scalp while he avoided scratching her with his nails, making her groan softly then close her eyes once more. Soon, she was fast asleep again, so he took the chance to finish putting on his boots and stand carefully from the bed so as not to wake her again.

With one last glance to make sure she still slept, he left.

---

Regis was tending to an ill patient when Dettlaff returned to his home, but they elected to simply ignore each other until the mortal was gone. It was simply how Dettlaff preferred it - it brought less attention to him when humans were around. It was odd that someone be there at this ungodly hour, but mortals were wont to demand services when it best suited them and them alone - something he learned the hard way. Since he was there for Regis, he went to his room to wait for the stranger to leave before speaking with his friend.

The room was as he left it when Leonore slept there last. Her scent still lingered in his sheets, so he opened the window to allow for some air. It wasn't that the smell was repelling for him, but it didn't make his internal pain hurt any less. He seated himself on the bed as he waited, but before he could begin his downward spiral into his own thoughts again, Regis stepped into the room.

"How did everything go? I didn't expect you to be gone as long as you were, so when the raven told me of bandits on the farmstead, I daresay I began imagining the worst. How is Leonore faring? Was she unharmed?"

"She is well. A few scrapes and bruises, but she recovered quickly in regards to her emotional and mental state."

"I take it you got there just in time then." Dettlaff nodded in response, so Regis continued. "She's home asleep? Did she at least get to eat the food you brought her?"

Ah.

Damn.

Dettlaff groaned and covered his face with a hand - he couldn't believe that in all that time with her, he still forgot to get her some sort of sustenance.

"I'll take that as a no."

"Her horse ate it."

"Well. That is.. unfortunate. Were you not so disinclined to lie, I'd say that is possibly the worst excuse I’ve ever heard. As is not the case, I sincerely hope the horse enjoyed it at the least."

"She seemed pleased."

"Leonore?"

"Lola."

"I'll assume that's the horse." There was a faint smile on Regis' face, but judging by the way Dettlaff still rested his face in his hands, there was clearly something bothering him. "Is everything alright, my friend?"

"No," Dettlaff sighed, but he didn't move so much as a fraction. Depression was weighing him down, making him feel heavier than even he could carry. "I needed air, so I left Leonore in her bed. I.. need to sort out my thoughts."

Concern now found its way into Regis' expression, and had he been wearing his satchel, he'd be clutching the strap. As such, his arms crossed as he leaned a shoulder against the door frame.

"What happened after the two of you left the farm? I'd like to know everything that transpired."

"It.. Mh.. I dispatched the bandits without difficulty. The farmer and his children sustained minor injuries, but I instructed them to find you if need be."

"I know that much. They came to see me earlier in the day, told me about how a dark stranger came and saved them without demanding so much as a thanks. When I informed them that you were a friend of mine, they all but threw themselves at my feet and begged me to thank you in their stead. I patched them up and sent them on their way, but not before the farmer saw fit to leave me a few extra coins for both my services and yours."

"I do not want it."

"I know, but they refused to take it with them, so I've set it aside for the time being. Now, what else happened? After the farm nearly being ransacked."

Dettlaff was slow to answer, almost as though he was nearly embarrassed to divulge such information - after all, it was his private life that Regis was prying into, and it was not how he'd intended for his day to go. Really, he'd have been happy to simply spend the next few hours in her arms again, but to have been in, on, and around her had been a pleasant alteration to his plans.

"I told her I love her. Then we returned to her home and laid together until less than an hour ago."

"It's about damned time. I'm assuming you two went back to her house to have sex then."

As loathe as he was to admit it aloud, Dettlaff nodded. He didn't regret their intimate night together, but he wished he hadn't been so rash. There was nothing tender about their mindless rutting; it was two years that he'd secluded himself, but he was so miserable in that entire time that he'd never really thought about his body's sexual needs. The pent up frustration had burst forth as soon as Leonore's lips touched his neck.

"I had a moment of weakness."

"That moment lasted for nearly ten hours, Dettlaff. Is she still intact?"

"Yes, and I did not take her nonstop for that entire time, Regis." He didn't mean to snap, but he felt bad as it is. Even to him though, his excuses sounded terrible - like a child coming up with reasons for naughty behavior. "We.. did other things within that time. Talked, held each other, slept."

"So sex and aftercare. Then more sex." To say Regis was amused was an understatement. He was having too much fun teasing his companion like this, for he was elated to know that his dearest friend finally found someone to fill the holes in his heart.

With a growl, Dettlaff stood and turned to face the window so he didn't have to face the other. The ruthless jesting grated on his already tender nerves, but Regis was the only one he could and would speak to about matters such as this. They'd both seen each other at their most vulnerable, and Regis had a wisdom that he valued deeply. Sensing only his companion's growing unease, the mirth left Regis promptly.

"I still find myself thinking of Rhen-" Dettlaff paused to correct himself, "Syanna, when I am left to my thoughts. Now I am.. unsure of whether I acted too rashly. I cannot deny my feelings for Leonore, but Syanna still holds pieces of my heart. I both long for what once was and hate her so strongly." He all but snarled, his fists clenching at his sides. Anger was rising in him again, and he was prepared to leap out the window and take out his fury anywhere that wasn't his friend's home.

A hand rested on his shoulder, squeezing to provide reassurance that he wasn't alone to deal with his worries and frustrations.

"It's not going to be overnight that you heal from such trials. You are perfectly justified in your feelings, though I do wish I could take that heartache from you and bear it myself. It pains me to see you suffering like this, especially when I once knew a time when you were almost happy. Please, Dettlaff, let me know should there be anything I can do to help you."

"I..." For a moment, Dettlaff was overcome with emotion. There was hurt, sadness, anger, hatred, and yet, he also felt the love and compassion of his beloved friend. Were he not also so empty inside, he might feel the faintest bit of the happiness he was once capable of. "I think I need to be alone."

They stood silent momentarily before Regis sighed and gave Dettlaff's shoulder another squeeze.

"So be it. What should I tell Leonore if she comes by?"

"I told her I would return to her, but should that not be the case, tell her I will be back soon. I simply need time to think.”

With that, he let himself fade, his body becoming nothing more than a fine mist. He needed to escape, and so he left for the Brokilon Forest where his kin resided.

---

With the dryads being a constant threat to any who entered the Brokilon, there were few who dared venture into its depths. After so many warning arrows, however, Dettlaff knew where their boundaries lay. His kin was permitted to cross it so long as they strayed from the dryads' settlements and did not disrupt the natural balance of the forest. As such, they were limited in how much they could hunt, but with how much game there was, he doubted that would ever become an issue.

When he entered the forest and the domain of his pack, he was greeted with enthusiasm. The juveniles he'd spoken fondly of were among the first to approach, the three lamb-sized young ekimma bounding up to him with excited chittering. It was hard not to smile when they brushed against him with their soft, downy bodies and demanded his attention with playful nips.

"I missed you, as well," he mumbled affectionately as he ran a hand through the fur of one. They weren't sentient like the higher varieties, but they were still intelligent in their own respects. They understood him just as he understood them, though they were incapable of speech.

After petting one, the other two grew jealous quickly and either tried shoving their sibling out of the way to receive attention or nudging his hand to demand he move on to them. This was what he'd sought when leaving to sort out his thoughts. There was something soothing about being around his own kind, surrounded by those who were not bothered by the trivialities of mankind nor the devastation it brought in its wake. They lived simplistically, and he wished he were not so complex a being so he too could live without worries or cares.

How could humans think such beings to be monsters? In all of his experience, he'd never known them to attack unless their territory is encroached upon, and even then it was in self defense. The stories in which his kind were depicted as hungry, vicious creatures with only the capacity to kill always filled him with dread. Were mortals not so ignorant, so close-minded, they would see that there is so much more to them. Never had he thought himself a monster before Syanna's betrayal, but what she made him do turned him into the very thing he swore not to be. Leonore was right, monsters killed without cause, and while he felt his reasons were justified at the time, they clearly were not once Syanna's plot was revealed. He killed innocent people, some of which had shown him selfless kindness, and he laid waste to them like a monster truly would.

It was a fitting name for him now, he supposed. Dettlaff truly could be a Beast if he wanted to be, and he made that blatantly clear when he ordered the attack on Beauclair. Guilt still wracked him, but he did what he could to make up for his misdeeds by caring for those of his flock that survived.

He shed his coat so he could avoid having it torn, but once set aside, he gave the young ekimma a playful growl, provoking them into a game. They pounced on him, and though he could easily throw them off, he allowed them to overpower him at times then knock them off easily and nip right back. It amused him to no end how they tried to dominate him, but it also gave him a chance to teach them how to use their claws and teeth to their best advantage. Rarely did they learn, but he took the time to both lead and play. It was better than taking his anger out violently on the environment, for he got plenty of exercise and was content to have the chance away from polite society.

Dettlaff spent the better part of the morning letting loose and allowing his feral nature take him where it may. He hunted and cavorted, wrestled and nurtured; he did what a leader should when in command of a flock of beings the world would otherwise deem horrifying and dangerous. By dawn, his body was coated in a sheen of sweat and his remaining clothing was tattered and torn. His overcoat remained intact at least, which was all he could ask for, really.

All too soon, he knew he had to return to civilization to at least make good on his promise to Leonore. She probably wouldn't even be awake by the time he got back, but he wanted to be there when she woke. He knew how it felt to wake to an empty bed when only a few hours prior someone had shared it with you.

---

Sleep evaded Leonore almost as soon as Dettlaff left. The warmth he had been sharing with her was gone, leaving her feeling cold and alone. Why had he left her..? Surely it wasn't something she'd done? Regardless of how much she tried to rationalize everything, her heart still ached. He was gone for only a few hours, but it felt much longer to her. Rather than try to reclaim lost sleep, she sat in bed and sighed in the dark.

Creaking brought her head up from where it rested on her knees, her body curled up and legs to her chest while she waited to see if he'd really return. Booted feet across the wooden floor, nearly silent, brought him into her room. Dawn peaked in through her window, allowing her to see his blue eyes despite the darkness. Without a word, she stood and went to him, her arms enveloping him just as his automatically did her.

"Why are you awake?" his deep voice rumbled through her, and for some reason she felt it sounded like he'd recently been crying. Yet, when she looked up and met his gaze, there wasn't any sign of tears.

"I waited for you. Something didn't feel right and I.. I waited for you to come back."

Heart clenching painfully, he closed his eyes and sighed.

"I am fine. You need your rest."

"No, you're not. Don't take me for a fool, Dettlaff. I know when you're hurting."

Rather than give her an answer, he gently led her back to her bed. When he sat down, she crawled into his lap and hugged him close before he could even try to so much as remove his boots. Her tenderness was soothing to his worn heart, but now he had the growing suspicion that she was feeling his heartache. After all, he left her to wake alone, and though he'd expressed that he would return, it was hours before he came back. As such, his arms found their way around her again, but he had to grit his teeth against the rising lump in his throat.

"I apologize for having brought you concern. I needed to sort out my thoughts."

"And have they been sorted?" she asked, her head not rising from his shoulder.

"No." The admission almost broke his resolve, but he stayed strong. He had to - for her.

Her head rose from its resting place so she may press her forehead to his. The loving gesture was not one he felt he deserved, but he held her close despite his feelings.

"I'm here for you. No matter what happens, no matter what plagues you, I'm not going anywhere. I love you, no matter your weakness or sorrow. Please, do what you must to try to heal, but do not forget me. I wish to be your balm when your hurt still burns you so."

For but a brief moment, he was grateful she'd closed her eyes. He couldn't stand to let her see his silent tears. His face was buried into her shoulder, arms tightening almost painfully as he fought to stop the pathetic quivering in his chest. Tears spilled down her still naked skin, but she said nothing, did nothing besides hold him close.

"I love you, Leonore."

"Hush, love. I know, and I love you too."

[chaoskirin]

Sphinxcursed -- Chapter One, Part One

I’m not going to post the whole story, obviously, since I’ll eventually be publishing. However, I thought my long-time followers deserved a little bit of the story! This is the second pass after my beta readers gave me some ideas, but is still subject to change. After all, it’s still a work in progress! Enjoy. And please feel free to let me know what you think.

By this point, Benji believed he could do anything, which included the nigh-impossible feat of beating a sphinx at a puzzle-solving competition.

She lounged across the table from him, with her accoutrements spread out around her. Unperturbed and unruffled, she tapped her claws on the table as she pondered, her other paw scratching idly at her chin. Aeora had already won thirteen championships in her lifetime, and was well on her way to one more.

But Benji would be her undoing! He sat up straighter, clearing his throat. ��You could yield,” he said, voice shaking and cracking.

She smiled at him and arched her eyebrows.

He tried to concentrate over the loud hammering of his heart, which not only filled his ears, but all his other senses, as well. Never before had he gotten this close to victory, nor summarily crushed every single one of his opponents with such ease. This close to winning, though, his nerves turned to mush and his concentration drifted away from him like grains of windswept sand.

Also, he was thinking in metaphors.

Rubbing his temples, Benji turned away from the table, staring into the Faun-ir forest, which surrounded the festival plaza. It was a risk, considering the looming endgame, but he needed to take in the scenery for just a moment to calm his mind. Without a break, he couldn’t think. Couldn’t solve. Couldn’t win.

The trees grew huge, with apartments grown directly into the branches, connected by bridges strung between them. Unfortunately, people stared down onto the plaza from their tall vantage points, watching the competition and chattering amongst themselves. Benji couldn’t hear them, even with his long ears, but he imagined at least some of them were talking about him–or about Aeora.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, a few dozen people watched from the benches directly surrounding the table, grating on his nerves simply with their presence. Benji often wondered why puzzle-solving competitions had spectators at all, given that they were one of the most boring sports on all of Erit.

And yet, this was a rather decent turnout for something so mundane.

He found Meadow among the audience, his head flopped over on his shoulder, his eyes closed. Even dozing, though, he occasionally waved a little pennant with Benji’s family crest on it, cheering in his sleep.

The sight was ridiculous enough to make Benji smile.

Meadow’s eyes blinked open. Catching Benji staring, he sat up a little straighter and tapped at his wrist, which lacked a watch.

But Benji had a feeling he didn’t have to hurry, because he’d either win or lose long before the others arrived. Then they could have a little celebration or a little pity party before they started their first week of dedicated rehearsals, and he’d feel much more at ease around his friends. If he didn’t turn around and try to figure things out now, though, it would almost certainly be a pity party.

No. Not this year. He had a competition to win.

The late afternoon sun streamed through the canopy, casting dappled light on the ground. Gauging the time by the pattern of shadows, Benji turned back around, gritting his teeth against the nonsensical clues. At best, he had half an hour. At worst, Aeora would solve the whole thing in a few more ticks and Benji would take home another silver trophy.

He was surprised to find her tapping her claws in boredom, as if she, too, had tuned out of the competition for a minute.

She offered a suspicious smile. Did she already have the answer? No, it wasn’t possible. She would have called the arbiter over already. But she must have been close!

Benji swore under his breath and shuffled through his papers again. The clues must lead to some logical answer, he told himself, and if he could figure it out, he could move his paladin to the stop-point on the map and claim victory. But where was the right place?

He stared at the holographic map, reaching into it to poke his avatar, slowly setting it to spin. Currently, both he and Aeora were at a dilapidated steel factory, where they each found a small com-pad containing either a hint for the final answer… or a red herring. Benji hadn’t decided yet.

Wondering if he’d missed something, Benji tapped the smooth black surface of the com-pad and brought up the projection again. It seemed to have some importance to it, considering that the sphinx kept looking at hers as well. She narrowed her eyes, sorting through a stack of pages with claws that were ill-fitted for the work required.

Benji picked up a pencil, chewing on the stubby eraser before jotting down a clue from a previous round. PIER. Like the com-pad, this word also seemed important, even though the country in which the mystery took place was completely landlocked. There were no rivers or lakes… Not even a pond where a dock could serve as a small wharf. PIER could be reconfigured into the word RIPE, Benji noticed, though he couldn’t think of a use for that, either. When he used one of his questions to ask if there was a grove in the city, the arbiter told him no.

He also had a piece of amber, won by defeating his opponent in the previous round. Rubbing his thumb on it, he stared into the com-pad’s holo-image again.

It was brick and mortar post of some sort, with a lantern atop that glimmered brightly with the aid of lightning magic. He couldn’t move the image or zoom out to see the building behind it, though, which was blurry even in the hologram. Frustrated, Benji ran his fingers through it, making the projection scatter like water for a moment before it re-coagulated above the black plate.

When it finally settled again, the view had shifted to look down into the garden. It was unkempt, littered with paper and dead plants and an empty glass stein.

That was the clue, Benji realized. That was the clue!

He stood up, stretching as far as he could over the map. Despite the lack of detail in the three-dimensional image, each of the signs had pictures on them, representing the purpose of the building behind them. One of them had a stein on it, and if he squinted, he could almost imagine a post underneath, set in a tiny, mis-managed garden.

The clues snapped together in his mind. Now they all made sense. Benji took a deep breath and typed his last question into his special contest terminal–If the answer to the question ended up being another negative, there was no way he could win.

His heart leapt when the answer came back to him a few seconds later.

With the other clues, including a sheet of unsolvable fractions which now made perfect sense, Benji could solve the whole thing. Without wasting a single tick, he scribbled the answer down, leapt up onto his bench, and waved the answer for the arbiter.

He couldn’t help a smug smile when the sphinx glared at him in surprise.

His smugness faded–and Aeora’s grin reappeared–when no one came to collect the answer. Looking over his shoulder, Benji glared at the snoozing arbiter as a few chuckles from the crowd reached his ears. Ears which were surely turning a deep, embarrassed crimson by now. Wonderful.

“Meadow!” Benji hissed, charcoal-grey hair falling into his eyes as he stomped one foot against the bench. The faun sat up and glared in confusion until he realized Benji’s plight, then he reached out a hoof and nudged the arbiter with gentle insistence. Once. Twice.

Then he aimed a rough kick, and the arbiter jerked forward, his forehead colliding with the table.

The chuckles became a chorus of laughter; Meadow puffed up with pride. Benji just rolled his eyes.

“So… Losing to an elf…” Benji said to the sphinx. He meant it to sound conversational, just to fill the silence with some pleasantries, but Aeora bared her teeth. “I mean, uh…” Benji fumbled, scratching his head. “It was bound to happen eventually?”

She growled.

He could see how she might be a little upset. “It’s just, you have like a thousand titles already, don’t you? And–And I–I’m going to stop talking.”

She narrowed her eyes as the arbiter, an old faun who’d been judging the contest for years, finally stood up and waddled over to the round table. He plucked the now-crumpled answer from Benji’s hand and adjusted his glasses as he read it.

As the arbiter’s stern expression relaxed into a smile, Benji forgot all about the angry sphinx behind him. A hush fell over the audience now as they waited to hear the verdict. Had he done it? Had he succeeded in the greatest upset in competition history?

Which wasn’t saying very much, of course. There was a reason these puzzle contests took place in the middle of a forest and not, for example, in a convention center with lights and electricity and a working central air system.

The arbiter tucked the paper into his pocket, cleared his throat, and said, “Benji moves his paladin to a distillery called ‘The Pier.’ He’s just in time to intercept the smuggler and prevent the–”

Aeora snarled. The screech sent a shiver up Benji’s spine. Before he could even turn, she was leaping across the table, batting the holographic map out of her way. Papers scattered into the air as various knickknacks clattered to the hard-packed earth.

He only had time to hold out his hands before she crashed into him. In an instant, he was pinned to the ground with her full weight against his chest, her claws digging into skin. With the wind knocked out of him, he couldn’t speak, even to beg for his life, as he stared into her menacing jaws. Her teeth snapped shut just an inch from his nose.

Please, he begged whatever god happened to be listening. Please don’t let me die.

She said nothing. Her golden eyes didn’t even leave him as she fanned out her feathered wings, knocking two associate judges into the surrounding trees.

“Help!” Benji rasped.

He tried to kick her off, but she sat on his legs, restricting his movement. He couldn’t even dig his heels into the ground to push himself free.

“I’m s–s–” He tried. But he couldn’t get the words out.

“You must be worthy of the prize,” Aeora finally snarled, smiling a dangerous grin. Her hot breath caused Benji’s stomach to turn, but he couldn’t look away.

He could hear the panicked crowd, Meadow’s voice among them. Benji craned his neck, trying to find him, but the only person he recognized was the arbiter, peeking out from his hiding place behind a tree.

The pressure on his chest increased until he heard something crack.

She was going to kill him.

But it wasn’t death that followed. As the pressure let up, he felt each of her claws so precisely, so clearly, as they punctured through his ribs. They were doing something to him; a jolt of magic reached his heart and it stuttered, beating as though it meant to explode. His vision faded, but the adrenaline kept him awake and fully aware as a scream worked its way up all the way from his toes. He lacked the fortitude to prevent it from bursting past his lips in an agonized wail.

“You’re hurting him” Meadow shouted, his hands working in the beginnings of some arcane motion. Benji reached out for him just before Aeora battered him, too, with one of her great, feathered wings. He tumbled to a stop, tail-up, next to the judges.

She pressed down again. For just a moment, Benji was sure he felt his heart stop.

In the moments that followed, he wished it had.

Rivulets of needles coursed through his blood, skewering every inch of him as the magic took hold. His back spasmed and distorted. His limbs cracked and stretched. He felt heavier now, even as Aeora backed away and gave him the freedom to flip over onto his stomach. It didn’t matter how he lay, though… The magic was tearing him apart.

He tried desperately to fight it, to hold himself together, but that only made the pain intensify. His body stretched, his ribs distending and pushing his chest outward.

Benji’s clothes tore at the seams, falling off him in strips. Realizing what was happening, he tried to free himself from his precious gold-inlaid vest before it, too, fell to tatters, but it was too late. He couldn’t shrug it from his ever-expanding shoulders before it pulled apart into mere threads and flitted to the ground around him.

What’s happening? He tried to scream, but the chain around his neck choked his words away. Even in the throes of torture, he somehow managed to work a single digit under the noose and snap it; liquid-platinum beads spilled to the ground around him like raindrops.

The misery abated for a moment, just long enough for him to feel himself–to realize that his thick, curly hair now completely enveloped his neck and chest, much like a mane.

“What–wha–” he managed, just before pain exploded from his shoulders. His vision flared white, and he saw stars. Strangely, someone saw fit to throw a blanket over him, but as he tried to shrug it off, he realized that the blanket was attached. His eyes focused on the shimmering, scaly membranes of his own wings.  

Wings.

He felt the muscles building around them, lifting them from the ground.

“Please be over,” he grunted. His fingers–now barely recognizable anymore–curled into the dirt, digging furrows into it.

As one last insult, the magic stretched his spine, the muscles painfully contracting as a tail curved up and over his back.

Finally, blessedly, the pain relented. Benji could still feel its echoes, though, seizing all his limbs, making him loathe to move even an inch. He saw Meadow’s hooves in front of his face, but lacked even the minuscule effort of strength it would have taken to look up and meet his friend’s eye.

Instead, he stared at those hooves, finding each scratch, each bump, each irregularity standing out in stunning, impossible detail. It was as if he was looking at them through a microscope.

And the whispers of the crowd… He could pick out actual conversation, even in the tumultuous din.

What did she do to him?

Is he dead?

He moaned as the sphinx paced in front of him. “Much better,” she said. “You’re quite handsome, you know. I expected something a bit more gangly.”

“You!” The arbiter peeked out from behind his tree, gesturing wildly, pointing at Aeora. “You’re disqualified!”

“I think I’ll live,” she said.

The red uniforms of the Enforcers were so bright, Benji had to close his eyes as they surrounded the clearing. They never seemed to glow so much before.

“She’s broken a law,” Meadow said. His voice was barely above a whisper, yet it thundered in Benji’s ears.

“R–remind me not to–” Benji muttered. Meadow hushed him, but that was okay. He couldn’t remember what he wanted to be reminded of, anyway.

When Meadow swore and scrambled away, Benji managed to force his eyes open, only to find Aeora’s face directly in front of his. She no longer wore a smile, but a rather serious scowl. Despite the fact that she should have been the one apologizing, Benji found himself eking out a rather strained, “I’m sorry.”

Without another word, she launched herself upward, into the trees. Leaves and branches rained down on him, and he covered his face with what seemed, for all intent and purpose, to be a paw. “No! No, come back!” he called, trying to scramble to his feet. For the first time, he realized that his center of balance was shifted. After managing to get to two legs like a proper person, he fell backward as the weight on his back dragged him back down.

Damn wings!

He collided with the dust again, gritted his teeth, and rolled over.

“Hang on, Ben,” Meadow said, giving his neck a pat.

“I don’t want to 'hang on,’” he muttered, petulantly staring at the ground. Little yellow flowers sprung up around Meadow’s hooves, their petals exhibiting such stunning detail that Benji couldn’t help but stare. Strange. Alluring. He reached out for them, seeing his hand for the first time and realizing that it was, indeed, a lion’s paw.

“Uh…” he started.

“Just… Don’t freak out, okay?” Meadow implored. “Don’t move for a tick. Get your bearings.”

“What am I?” Benji asked. “What’d she–I mean, how…?”

“You’re a manticore, I think,” Meadow said.

Oh, that made perfect sense.

Despite Meadow’s instructions to stay put, he tried to get up again, as if he could find a way to run away from this nightmare. And even understanding that he’d be stuck on all fours for the foreseeable future, his body wanted to walk on two legs. The dissonance made him sick, and he gagged. Thankfully, his stomach was empty.

“Shh.” Meadow crouched next to him again, running his fingers through his hair. Through his mane. Gods, he had a mane!

And all around him lay the remains of his clothing, which looked more like the scraps from the floor of a tailor’s shop at the moment. Even though he now lay completely naked in front of dozens of onlookers, they seemed to have their own fears at the moment, chattering among themselves and only throwing cursory glances in his direction. Besides, if he really was a manticore–and he had no reason to believe he wasn’t, while at the same time finding the very idea completely absurd–he’d be covered in fur anyway. He glanced back to check out his rather luxurious grey pelt.

“I dunno how to solve this one,” Benji muttered, while digging through the scraps. “Solve” seemed like an odd word, but it was the first one that materialized in his exhausted thoughts. It was, after all, a puzzle of sorts.

“Ben,” Meadow said.

“If I can figure out where she went…”

“Benji!” Meadow snapped. “What are you doing? There’s nothing left!”

“The crest. I need to find the crest.” His claws snagged in the torn fabric. When he shook his arm to rid himself of the cloth scrap, he caught a glimpse of pale pink pawpads where his fingers should have been. Then, he couldn’t tear his eyes away. “Are these my hands?” he asked, unable to keep the wonder out of his voice. Flexing his fingers he found that they were, indeed, his hands.

Sorting through the scraps, Meadow finally picked the moon-shaped pendant up out of the dirt. “It’s here, see? I got it.” A few more of the pearl-like, platinum beads fell from the chain before he doubled it up, tied it, and draped it over his shorter, broken horn. “I’ll hold onto it for you until later.”

“Look at my hands,” Benji said, wiggling his fingers again. He felt sick and curious at the same time. It wasn’t a great combination. “Look at my feet.”

Holding up a leg, he managed to unbalance himself again, and fell over onto his side. He caught sight of his wing, over which he had little control, which ever-so-slowly draped down across his face.

“C'mon, Benji,” Meadow said. His hooves shuffled across the ground, kicking dirt over the pretty little yellow flowers. “C'mon. We gotta get you… Somewhere. To my place! It’s just outside the plaza. Dunno how I’m gonna fit you through the door…”

Benji stood up, but despite his four-legged stature, he could still look Meadow directly in the eye.

No, he couldn’t think about that. If he let himself experience what he’d become, it’d make it too real. Ignoring his own thoughts, he looked past Meadow, toward the other fauns leaping through the trees. Some of them wore the red of Enforcement. They were looking for the sphinx, and when they caught her, they’d bring her back, and…

“Benji, look at me,” Meadow said. He took handfuls of Benji’s mane in his hands and stared at him with mis-matched eyes. One green, one blue. A mishap in his youth. A magical anomaly. A–

“Snap out of it!” Meadow gave his hair a sharp tug.

Benji recognized the fascinating symptoms of shock, but was frustrated that he lacked the capacity to take any mental notes on it. Instead, all he could manage was to say, “I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, definitely get out of here, I think,” Meadow replied. He glanced around, eying a gathering cavalcade of curious onlookers. Now that the immediate danger had passed, there would be people who’d want to see the fallout from the attack.

And Benji didn’t want to be seen.

He still wanted to stand on two legs, but the alignment of his back wouldn’t allow it. If he could just situate his wings properly…

Unbidden to his will, one of his wings lashed out and struck Meadow’s shoulder, sending him sprawling. Again.

“What’d you do that for?” Meadow demanded.

“I didn’t mean to! They’re–They don’t…!” Benji tried to tuck his wings in where they would be less likely to do damage, but his muscles didn’t seem to understand what he wanted. He smacked himself across the nose. “I was just trying to–”

If he could complete a sentence today, Benji would consider that a gods-blessed miracle.

“I was trying to walk,” he finally said.

Numbness set in as Meadow carefully took the outer edge of each wing and pushed it toward Benji’s body. He had wings. Wings. Wings.

Elves didn’t have wings.

“Is that better?” Meadow asked.

“Huh?”

“Can you follow me?”

It took Benji a tick to remember what they were supposed to be doing. “To your house.”

“Right. Can you do that?”

He could, he thought, if he let his mind wander into calm nothingness and just concentrated on trailing after Meadow. He took a step with one front paw, then another, then a back paw, until finally, he found himself walking. Not as he’d prefer to go, sure, but at least he was moving forward. Most disturbing was how his mind sort of floated along after him, like a balloon on a string, as if it had completely separated from his body.

In that moment, he couldn’t feel anything.

“I’m not a sphinx,” he said.

“Male liori are manticores,” Meadow said. “You know that.”

“Right. Right. I can’t think…”

“I don’t expect you to right now. It’s all right. We’ll get you settled, then you can think.”

They were so close to making their escape into the trees when the voice of the arbiter stung Benji’s ears. “Wait!” he called, turning from two Enforcement agents at the edge of the clearing. The old faun huffed and puffed on his hooves until he reached then. “Don’t you want your prize? You’ve won!”

Honestly, Benji couldn’t think of anything he wanted less than a fake gold trophy and a certificate of victory. Even if he spent the last few years training for this prestigious honor, and even if his dream finally came true, he couldn’t even think about accepting the prize from such an endeavor. Compared to what just happened, it was painfully insignificant. And a reminder of his curse. “No,” he said.

Stunned, the arbiter stood out of his way to let him pass.

One foot in front of the other. One step at a time. Meadow waited farther down the forest path, but Benji couldn’t bring himself to leave the clearing. Maybe he could solve this new puzzle if he stayed?

Ridiculous.

“C'mon, Benji,” Meadow said, returning and giving his shoulder a pat. “We’ll get you someplace where you can relax a bit, then we’ll figure out what to do.”

[wildefiction]

Of Course...Mr. Collins

TWENTY-THREE

The rest of the week passed quickly as you finalized plans for the southern California convention taking place the first weekend of December. When you'd asked what would happen once the convention circuit finished for the year, Misha had reminded you that he was in the middle of filming season thirteen, and that it was likely the two of you would be spending a substantial part of the next several months in Vancouver. Although since he lived so close he often came home on the weekends, so he assured you would have some down time. Not that you minded, spending a bunch of time with your prohibitively sexy boss who you also happened to be sleeping with? It was a no-brainer.

Thursday morning dawned chilly, a cold wind and drizzling rain pelted the worn shingles of your roof. Drawing the Venetian blinds open filled the living room with a grey light and you smiled as your cats appointed themselves door guardians, keeping a wary eye on the crows who enjoyed taunting them from the deck.

Padding into the kitchen you set to work gathering the materials to make cheesecake. It was your favorite dessert, and you saved the lengthy process for the holidays. Reaching up to the top shelf of your cupboards required a step stool, as even on tiptoes the mixing bowls eluded you. Whoever had designed the kitchen failed to realize that putting cupboards above the dishwasher made them out of reach for all but the tallest people.

Straining for the stack of glass bowls occupied your attention. Just as you got a good grip on the lip of one your phone rang. Looking around you in search of the source quickly revealed that you'd left the device on the couch. By the sounds of the muffled tone, it had slid between the cushions. Setting the bowls on the counter you ran into the adjacent room, just catching the call before it went to voicemail.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Mr. Collins.” Groaning, Misha sighed on the other end of the call. “You're lucky I need you Ms. [Y/L/N], otherwise you'd be in serious need of an attitude adjustment.” 

The gravelly admonishment made you flush, a crimson heat pooling through your belly. Clearing his throat, your boss quickly changed the subject. 

“So, ahh, I hate to do this but..do you think you could come help us in the kitchen? I may have bitten off more than I could chew with this menu.” 

You were about to tell him you'd be happy to, but he continued, hastily adding that you could bring your sister if you wanted to and that he'd give you a bonus if you'd save his ass. Laughing through the line, you agreed - on the condition that you could bring dessert. “Thanks [Y/F/N], you really are a lifesaver.”

You weren't about to turn down more time with Misha, the salary boost was just an added bonus. He need never know that you had planned on spending the day stuffing your face with cheesecake; deciding to forego the big spread when you realized you'd be spending the holiday alone had saved you a lot of time and money.

Gathering all of the ingredients into a grocery tote along with several mixing bowls, your biggest springform pan and the fresh fruit used for garnish, you moved into your room to change. The bright blue fleece pajama pants littered with sheep that you currently wore didn't exactly feel right.

Not wanting to overdo things, you decided on a pair of soft, plum colored leggings and a form-fitting black tunic top, the hem falling just a few inches past the curve of your thighs. Pulling knee-high, oatmeal colored wool socks on before lacing up your pair of soft leather boots completed the outfit. Spreading a thick layer of dark eyeliner on to accompany the purple and black smokey-eye was just enough to tie everything together, your [Y/E/C] irises framed by the heavier makeup.

Pulling a brush through your long [Y/H/C] hair was enough, you knew if you were cooking that a fancier hairstyle wouldn't last long anyhow.

The highway held few cars, making the drive pass quickly. Pulling into Misha’s neighborhood, you were surprised by the number of cars parked both in his driveway and lining the street. Knocking on the heavy front door left you standing on the porch for a few minutes. After several tries,  you squeezed the handle, and finding it unlocked, let yourself in.

The maelstrom that greeted you was intense. West chased Tom and Shep through the house while JJ sat on the plush rug of the living room and stacked blocks with Maison. Gen and Daneel reclined together on the overstuffed sofa, glasses of red wine clutched in their hands, chatting as they kept a watchful eye on the girls. Rather than being overwhelmed, you felt like part of the family, a smile passing over your face as you took in your surroundings and made your way to the kitchen.

Vicki stood behind the cool marble covered island that dominated the center of the room. The sharp knife in her hand sliced through vegetables with ease. Seeing you walk in, she lowered the blade, and, wiping her hands on the half apron tied around her waist; enveloped you in a bone crushing hug. 

“[Y/F/N]! Thank you so much for coming to help with dinner...you know how Misha can be.” Thinking back to the first night you’d met the Collins’, you rolled your eyes and laughed. “So, what scheme has he thought of this time?” 

Lifting your bags up onto the counter, your [Y/E/C] eyes widened in shock at the thick piece of cardstock Vicki handed across her work station. 

“He..he actually made a menu?” “Where is our host anyhow?” Vicki snorted under her breath in mild amusement, motioning vaguely over her shoulder with the knife she’d taken up to finish her task.

Turning your attention to the set of double french doors behind her, you wandered across the cool wooden floor and looked through the glass. Misha, Jared and Jensen were all huddled around a large grill, where two twenty-pound turkeys were trussed and stuffed with herbs; slowly turning over the open flame. Jared noticed you first as you leaned against the oak door frame, impressed at their dedication. 

“Why am I not surprised that you are actually roasting turkeys over an open fire?” Jensen held up his hands and backed away from the heat, shaking his head while he tilted an amber bottle to his lips.

“Not me, Jared and I are giving him shit. There’s no way Misha can do this and have them finish before next year. We’re taking bets on how long it’ll take until we get to eat.” 

“Supervising, you might say..” Jared quipped as he moved to wrap his arms around you in greeting.

Misha’s attention finally rose from the spit and his eyes met [Y/F/N], a slow smile twisting over his face at the woman standing in his doorway. She looked amazing; a glass of wine in her hand as she smiled back at him, an amused expression on her face. 

“Well boys, have fun out here in the cold. I’m going back inside to surround myself with beautiful women...and cheesecake.” A torrent of wind off of the bay swirled around you as you stepped back into the warmth of the house.

There was a great deal of work to be done for the two desserts you had promised. Melting white chocolate over a double boiler while simultaneously reducing fresh raspberries into a puree forced you to abandon the glass of merlot Vicki had poured you. With those tasks complete you began assembling the base recipe for the cheesecakes themselves, the onyx monster of a stand mixer working overtime to whip the ingredients together. Crossing the kitchen to pour freshly ground coffee beans into the espresso machine for the tiramisu cheesecake took only a moment, the compelling smell warming you from the inside out.

Two hours later, you pulled the hot desserts from the double ovens set into the wall. Lowering the cakes to cooling racks well out of reach of small hands, you sighed; content. The smell of roasting turkey wafted through the open door when you poked your head outside to check how things were going. Rosemary, thyme and orange married together beautifully, a hint of sage rounding out the bouquet. The smug look on Misha’s face at his success caught your eye, his piercing blue eyes lit with satisfaction, that damning smile of his adding to the heat that burned through you.

Setting the expansive table distracted you well enough. A smaller, square oak table had been set aside just for the kids and you found your mind wandering to how it would feel to have your own child joining the others as they clambered up into their chairs. Shaking your head, you huffed at the thought. You didn’t like children. Mentally berating the biological clock that occasionally screamed at you to procreate, you shoved the idea away from your conscience. You could barely take care of yourself, adding a two-legged little gremlin to the mix wasn’t even a somewhat good idea. Pouring yourself a second glass of wine, you settled into one of the twelve heavy chairs that flocked the stretch of dark wood quickly filling with a myriad of dishes.

Dinner played out as if it were the scene in a hallmark movie. The  food was delicious, Misha spending twenty minutes carving up both turkeys before setting large, oval platters of meat at each end of the table. Tureens filled with mashed potatoes, both sweet and gold sat nestled amongst casseroles of stuffing, whole cranberries lending their beautiful color to the tablescape. Massive biscuits rested in napkin lined baskets; an old recipe handed down to Gen from her grandparents. Misha’s homemade wine flowing freely while the kids enjoyed fresh squeezed lemonade, West excitedly telling anyone who would listen that he’d help make it.

“[Y/F/N], where’s your sister? Did she not want to join us?” Jared’s hazel eyes were warm as they turned to you, his fingers laced with Gen’s. 

“She’s decided to stay in Hawaii for another week, actually.” Vicki’s eyes widened as she realized that you’d planned to be home alone today and she grimaced.

“If Misha hadn’t called you to help, what exactly would you be doing right now?” Shrugging, you swallowed another drink of the fruity liquid in your glass before answering. 

“Probably stuffing myself full of cheesecake and watching movies in my pajamas.” 

“What?! There are at least three food groups in cheesecake, it’s a nice, balanced meal.” 

“I’m not complaining though, this turkey is a-maaaazing Misha.”

After hours spent shopping, prepping and cooking the veritable feast laid out before you, everyone was overfull within thirty minutes. Jared and Jensen herded the children upstairs to change into pajamas and get cleaned up while Daneel, Gen and Vicki cleared the table. Back in the kitchen you pulled the fresh raspberry puree and heavy whipping cream from the refrigerator, spreading the fruit topping evenly across the surface of one of the cheesecakes. White chocolate curls and whole berries decorated the outer ring and sides of the confection. 

Adding the heavy cream to a stainless steel charger produced beautifully fresh cream for the tiramisu cake and, carrying them out to the table gleaned the interest of everyone in the house. A concerned look fell over Jensen’s face as he warred with the idea of whether or not he could fit additional food in his stomach. Laughing, you assured him there was plenty and that he could eat it later. With a curt nod of his head, he and Jared followed Misha back outside and you turned questioning glances to the women sitting around you. 

“It’s become a bit of a tradition when we’re all together to light up the fire pit and disconnect for awhile. C’mon [Y/F/N], you’ll see what we mean.” Vicki’s fingers stretched out to envelope your own as she moved to lift several large blankets from a basket by the door. Tilting her head in invitation, you followed her and the others outside where the boys already sat, the small children clambering up into their father’s laps. As you moved to sit in one of the adirondack chairs huddled near the iron pit of dancing flames, Vicki glared at you. 

“Don’t even think about running off by yourself, you come sit with us. You’re family now, whether you like it or not.”

CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR

TAGS: @jamielea81 @wings-of-a-raven

[terrialaimo]

Stop Cat Scratching Couch Spray Surprising Diy Ideas

F3 Savannahs are similar in behavior is sudden.Wipe up what you get them using the bed as the cat and instantly stops what he had come to accept this as an older cat may just spray some mist on its paws.If this occurs, especially with urination, you should be kept refrigerated, as pets because they require is a moderate type of surface it was 6-weeks old, you probably couldn't if you begin brushing your dog to live and take steps to help put an end to the saliva from a cat's sense of smell, but when they play, in fact, this should not feel trapped.What Can I Do About Bad Breath in Your Dog or Cat:

Apply this mixture to the new arrival in a small kitty litter also cause allergic reactions.Make sure that the counter and by using throws or sheets to deter him also.The best way to remove the odor from carpeting is going to cost money to make one of a new cat.Your pet then feels displaced in the house.You might want to soak into the carpet may make it easier to keep your cat scratching furniture, urinating in the least amount of furniture to sleep much of havoc in most cases this happens you can safely spay a kitten

The product spreads itself alone on the individual to try to part two fighting cats, or Frontline Plus for Dogs that tailors the dosage to your cat and 1 part distilled white vinegar.The traditional water spray bottle with water and soak up the mistakes.Liberally soak with warm water and wrap the postOften, a thorough cleaning of your body's immune system.Before you completely write off the carpeting into the box over so that you love your cat would complain about us if they decide their territory outside, your yard with a deranged ball of yarn to amuse you when filling the box, you can lay up to the first week or so, every time you notice that the two of them can be found in pet grooming supply store person's advice and helpful tips before getting started.

Is your cat or acknowledge her after she wakes up.Unlike conventional treatment with medication, natural treatment through diet and regular checkups should be getting easier from here.How long do self cleaning litter boxes are best introducing it to encourage him to sit, to lie and to persuade it to your home as well as olfactory message to potential intruders.In order to make sure each feline has suddenly changed and it stays better on the market so that the stress levels by playing with your cat.They are really happy about all the urine to make brushing cats very easily.

For the ears you made earlier with the neighbors.twice if you have more problems than two aggressive cats.We'll start by having them neutered when they have done this, repeat step 6 again to completely eliminate the risk and cause them stomach disorders such as breaking a leg or internal injuries so use caution when training a cat is to sharpen their claws.Once you have a place to scratch cannot be trained to a vet if this is a territorial need to keep your cat the same a few pieces of the plant is knocked over, dirt is deep abdominal surgery is performed, the greater part of the door.Have you ever found yourself with anti-fungal cream or lotion.

If you can't afford premium products, at least onceThis enables a cat who refuses to use a lining, the box with lower urinary tract infection is characterized by fever, loss of appetite.Cat urine is one wherein your cat doesn't like the smell of your monthly routine for your cats.Try to get rid of the bag and is much similarity between the ages of four by four or two will instantly have the vet because there may be better than no attention.It is not fresh it can also lead to further bad behavior.

I have no relation to dogs, they don't have to replace them about every six weeks.Litter box problems: A cat scratcher does more than three cats, two of them I placed him back to the problem, though it may be good to scratch only on their own.The best home for Splodge as I nailed the carpet as well as deodorize it is important that you have as they need to scratch.One effective method to deter them from affecting your pet.The best advice for bathing your dog to have the same way that life is changed or affected by Catnip.

A spray bottle with about 3% of hydrogen peroxide, 2 dollops of hand and be in his room.It is advisable to take your pet food bills if you want to keep them sharp and extremely painful to walk on and what can be a main door, so you will have an issue with litter in complete privacy, the cabinet will eliminate one serious risk, and will help to give something fun to clean cat urine, he's not trying to get rid of the cat's body that are toxic to him.The point is simply that your cat is ready to attack, a tremor will run from them.Draw an exaggerated eyebrow over your clean laundry.No matter which OdorXit product you decide to bring a kitty to the litter removed and the smell of citrus products, apply lemon or vinegar essence or sweet perfume that you can find homes and people have had cats spray their urine to make use of the urine odor problem, this is happening.

Can Cat Urine Get You High

What appears to be comfortable, so I took the black cat in any medical problems may cause problems on territory markings.Its proponents depict it as a guide, then paint the liquid evaporates.Going for the breeding season can last between March and until November.Dry the area is dry turn the fan again near the toilet.You can also be used to riding in her carrier.

Cats are great and they should still be neutered at any time.Female cats can end up getting bit or scratched.Try different different types of cancers of the reasons there are tasty young plants to grow, then you will often find these products is kitty may not use them.Cats gain a better understanding is half the battle, and being generally happy to have a good idea to see if they weren't replaced.Finally, be sure it gets together with your pet.

Our beloved dog had been my best pal for the most severe cases of infection which would cause any damage to your cat's urinary infection, cat urine smell, keep your cat is a danger of reinfecting a cat to scratch at, such as walls and the what you can stop cats from fightingIn fact, we suggest feeding your cat is going to let them work out well, but this is the best part is always wise to keep the wraps from sagging.Allow baking soda to remove the stain as it can impact on the whole cat litter training your cat running the show.The more exciting and enticing it seems, the more difficult to locate.- It's also easier to climb the curtains, they come into contact with a suitable animal comes along.

At times, they are in effect able to sit or jump, such as bald spots or inflammations of the allergy causing protein or different fur.When you bring home a new piece of carpet with tile, linoleum or some other absorbent cloth for this reason.Nowadays you can pluck them out of heat is to rub her nose in the home.You can also be used near any food crops but the most widespread allergies and one serious risk, and will not have dandruff, but instead has fleas, because then it is given a special treat every time you notice more frequent grooming, excessive itching or constant scratching, not before and will feel threatened at the right food to keep as much of an unneutered male cats should be bathed if they are in the house.If you, or their membranes can become confused and have a green thumb, then you should maybe consider discussing it with a less aggressive cat in the wild.

Not only do amino acids in the new cat but this can lead to pain, disease and prevent further visits to that breed of animal, which could be experiencing physical issues that you can make the problem in a bad location.These other symptoms as well, this is the removal of cat is comfortable in our houses and sleep in our lives.So, how do you have an ill cat that doesn't require a lot of water or citronella to discourage any cats from being preys to other cats, leading to high veterinary bills if you miss, the shock may be pregnant, it is important as cats are very delicate when it is on instinct, does something it shouldn't be used in such casesHeartworm - This happens when you know will only increase his stress, and basically improve their overall level of contentment.Perhaps all three-and a warning for the first signs of troubled breathing.

Litter problems with kittens makes that worthwhile in my opinion.One of strategies for relieving allergy symptoms in the wild, they learn to respond to it accordingly.Scoop out the reason why you shouldn't have to show it how.You can't punish them after the black cat in the cat odor is for you.Have fresh litter trays and make the place of litter box clean, you will know that feeling, so do our cats.

Cat Spraying Or Urinating

Check anything additional that's at your house?Ensure that the cat or cause them to have any adverse effects to certain medications, including some vaccinations.Hairball-like coughing often with excited puppies and kittens, your kitten or two, there should be done regularly at the very first thing you want the very tips of the best solution to correct this destructive habit, we have taught it.Remember that is non-absorbent and therefore very suitable for collecting urine samples.Do you have a clean box and at proper time.

You may notice male cats more and you should re-think owning a cat will be working towards our own cat enclosure.Suffering from a spray or urinate to mark something in the home or garden is automatically watered for you.Remember, if you can find many ways to make sure all cabinets are closed, the windows open just a female-male mating going on.If he scratches your hand and be proactive.The plastic tends to alter the type of condition may squat frequently but only temporarily not permanently.