#and i think the same think goes for selfshipping

[woahjo]

hi! you can totally ignore this if you don't want to reply for whatever reason, but i still wanted to ask since i'm curious on other peoples perspective

i've never been one to self-ship (or at least not directly, like i def had some fics written with self insertion without realizing or made up scenarios in my head but never really put the label on it)

And I thought on why I did not want that label of self-ship put on my fav characters and myself, and ig my conclusion is that it just hurts me to put it in a way? like for me its a constant remind that they're fictional, which honestly hurts more than just doing a selfinserted fic and that's it, because once i finish the fic it's just another piece of media, nothing more to me, and i detach

but if i try to push myself to do something cute for self-shipping since everyone seems so content with it, i can't find myself doing the same because of what i just said, like even calling my favs f/o makes me feel a bit like shit lol. and tbh i think most people would disagree with me since what i see 99% of the time is people using selfshipping as a pastime or use it to cope but how do you manage to not hurt yourself when you remember it's only fictional? because i want to achieve that as well without getting myself hurt in the process.

so sorry for this being so long btw, i wanted to explain myself as best as i could

hi anon!!!

i understand you completely!! i think the bottom line of it is that if you don't like it, then don't do it, ya know? i don't mean that in the like "get out of here!!" sense, i mean it more so in the like.. if thinking inside of what the "box" might be for self-shipping, why not try thinking outside of it?

i know for me, i don't actually imagine my selfships to be "real" in any way. yes, my selfships are with me, but it's a version of me that more closely aligns with a story im writing about their relationship. i've noticed a lot of people have decently set lore with their selfships, but that personally doesn't work for me, so i tend to think in a more abstract way when it comes to lore. broad strokes, ya know?

im not sure if this makes sense, but my "selfships" often feel more like reading a book or watching a tv show with a pairing i really like than they do myself. the version of me that they're with is a character and i enjoy thinking about how that version of me might be paired with them, but they're never a full reflection of me. that's the sort of selfshipping that makes me happy. yeah sure, i don't really get to take part in the "what's your selfship lore!!!" conversations as in depth as i might want to, but that's just not part of what makes selfshipping enjoyable to me.

if i thought about my selfships as real, life sized human beings, i would also get SO sad they're not real, so i tend to imagine them as like... living in rooms in my head rather than something i can imagine in front of me. idk if that's how everyone thinks about their selfships, but that's how i do it!!! i carry the scenarios around in my pocket like bugs in a handheld terrarium.

as an aside,,, when it comes to writing, my reader is almost never a self insert. they have bits and pieces of me, but they're not a reflection of how my selfships tend to go. they are their own characters, just without a name or physical description. and it's purely for a similar reason. i'm not a novel protagonist. i don't have that sort of personality and sometimes it can bum me out to try and fit myself into a box that i think other people might enjoy (because that's not the real me).. so i don't! same goes for my selfships

anyway, all of this to say that if the box doesn't fit, out grow it. the nice thing about selfshipping is that there is no right way to do it and if thinking about it in the traditional way trips u up because it makes u sad that they're not real, switch up how you think about it :))

[dark-magical-ships]

sometimes self shipping means sitting and staring at a wall for three hours spinning the same line of dialogue that you personally made up around in your brain over and over in a thousand different iterations until you literally fall asleep still thinking about it

[kaeyaphile]

all thoughts, head full of ✨aventurine✨

+ a bunch of rambling/life updates in the tags, oops

[hyperionshipping]

Sleepover

A/N: Ooooh. Parental f/o time. I am just writing for ME baby. That's this whole fic! Also, Tardis best place for sleepovers confirmed?

---

Tricks smiled, grabbing the Doctor's hand. "Trust me on this. It's gonna look awesome. Sit still. This is like a sleepover!" The doctor just watched.

"Right, a sleepover." 

"You've… you don't know what that is do you? Okay it's like, really simple." Tricks dipped the brush into the nail polish bottle to his side. The color was a darker blue. He had tried to match the Tardis' color as best he could. He started on the Doctor's left hand. "You like, just hang out. And tell stories, and umm you just, yeah! You do all that."

"And this is a part of it?" he asked. Tricks shifted to sit on his knees, nodding. He moved the Doctor's hand closer to a light in the room, bringing the brush to the nail again to cover it in another layer of nail polish. 

"Yes! This is very common. Thank you for sitting still. I'm sorry if I mess up."

"I think you're doing wonderful Tricks," the Doctor said. And, to the Doctor, he was. He knew Tricks appreciated the compliment.

"We can watch a movie after. I found this little DVD player. It's a small screen but that makes it cozy!" Tricks let go of the Doctor's hand. "Don't move that hand. It needs to dry now." The Doctor moved his hand towards his face. 

"I love this color. Where did you find it?" 

"Ohh, I had to do a lotta searching. Other hand, please!" The Doctor extended his right hand towards Tricks, who grabbed it and started to paint the rest of his nails. "Thank you!" 

"How long will it take to dry?" The Doctor asked, trying to get Tricks to keep talking. He knew he sometimes stopped talking because he felt like he shouldn't be. He thought that was stupid. Tricks was a smart kid, and he often had good things to say.

"Oh, not too long. Amy helped me pick this color out. I wanted to invite her to this, but she had a date with Rory. So it's just us. I'll tell you a trick after I'm done this hand Doctor." Tricks shifted again how he was sitting, mumbling for the Doctor to hold on. He was just finishing up his pinky finger. "...Aaaand done! Take a look!"

The Doctor looked at his now painted nails. This was new for him. He liked it! Some of the nail polish was smudged around his nail, and some had gotten on his skin, but he didn't mind. "Now, to dry them quick? Blow on your nails. That's what I do." Tricks showed him what to do, and the Doctor copied him. "And, you'll know they're dry because it won't feel like, tacky? You'll know!"

***

While the Doctor waited for his nails to dry, Tricks had gotten up, walking around the room, talking as he gathered up a few things. "I don't know what movies you've seen and haven't seen, but! I have a favorite one I want you to watch. Hold this." Tricks put a DVD case on the bed. "I got snacks too! I had to go away to get this but, popcorn! Every good sleepover has popcorn. Well, this is smartpop but it's basically the same. Okay! Alright!" Tricks smiled at the Doctor clapping his hands. "One more minute."

The Doctor watched as Tricks left the room, a bundle of clothes in his arms. He reached towards the black bag of popcorn. He opened the bag, not sure if he should be intrigued or disgusted by the smell. Either way, he reached into the bag trying one piece of popcorn. It tasted slightly like cheddar. 

Tricks suddenly slid into the room, throwing his hands out. His tail lashed side to side, a clear sign of his excitement. He had switched into baggier looking clothes. "This sleepover is ON! You opened the popcorn already? Couldn't wait for me huh?" Tricks clambered onto the bed, as the Doctor quickly grabbed the DVD case.

"Oh, right. Thanks," Tricks took it from him, opening it and then opening the portable DVD player. "This thing is fully charged! We'll get through at least two movies. This One is called Monty Python and The Search For The Holy Grail!" Tricks started to excitedly tell the Doctor about the movie as Tricks tried to forward through to the menu. 

***

The movie had ended, and the Doctor was pleasantly surprised at the movie. Tricks had talked just as much as the movie did. The Doctor was about to ask about the next movie, but he felt Tricks slumped against his side. "Oh, fell asleep? Tricks?" The Doctor asked, listening to his shallow breaths. 

The Doctor didn't want to move now. He couldn't wake Tricks up. "This is the sleep part then. At least you're comfy. Try not to drool?" The Doctor grabbed the blankets, covering the bottom half of Tricks. "There, that's better. Now… how will I pass the time?" 

By the time Tricks woke up, the Doctor had moved slightly. The Doctor had a protective arm around him. Tricks couldn't tell if the Doctor was asleep, but he yawned and closed his eyes again. He feared his head on the Doctor's arm, pulling the blankets up again. He could sleep a little longer.

[izvmimi]

cw: this is so goofy. selfship-coded. izuku has a subtle breeding kink (i wrote this what's new). pregnancy mention. condom use. suggestive, minors dni.

you sit warily on the toilet seat, your fiancé right outside the door, and your foot tap tap taps as you wait for the little piece of plastic in your hand to decide your future.

ironically, you don't have the energy for trepidation anymore because you feel like by now you're at this literally every couple of days.

but baby it doesn't feel good?

but don't you want me to feel all of me?

i promise i'll pull out better this time.

just the tip is fine, right?

izuku's outside the bathroom door, giving you privacy as though he wasn't nose deep between your legs just last night, slobbering all over you like a starving puppy presented with a wet meal. for a moment it occurs to you that if you really are pregnant, even if you can clearly handle it financially and emotionally, you'll shove that stick so far up his ass that-

your timer goes off and it's negative.

you sigh.

izuku bursts in at the sound of your voice, immediately uttering a supportive "is everything okay baby?" the shine to his emerald eyes makes you wonder if he actually, deep down, does want you pregnant.

"perfect. no baby."

he grins and kisses your forehead as you adjust your panties up and stand to wash your hands. squishing your cheeks as he has trouble getting his hands off of you, he promises that he'll actually invest in some condoms.

you don't believe him, but you consider making that appointment to your ob-gyn to get an intrauterine device you've been thinking about sooner rather than later.

---

another night comes and he's looked at you like that and he continues to be built like that and you have no choice but to let him do whatever he wants with you, even if it is to drag you not really kicking and not really screaming from your work, going from holding you around your midsection to lifting you up effortlessly so that your crotch is pressed against his face. he sniffs you like an entire dog and you're both terribly embarrassed and terribly aroused by his sheer want for you. izuku is already pressing kisses to your mound through your yoga pants as he carries you to the bed.

"izuku, i still have shit to do!" you argue, but you're holding on tight to his head to keep your balance, as if he would ever let you fall.

"you've worked hard enough," he says, muffled by your legs around his face. "i'm asking politely. may i please have some pussy?"

the fact that he's asking this, just as you land on the bed with a practical bounce is almost offensive. you sit up.

"are you even asking?"

he leans in, grinning as he gets on all fours to descend upon you.

"i mean yeah, of course," he replies, knowing full well that you won't say no as he pulls off his shirt. you shake your head, but your shirt goes over your head as well. he catches your lips in a kiss first, and you sink into the bed under his weight as he practically smothers you in kisses. wet, sloppy, silly, you laugh against each other, groping each other with your hands, and then it occurs to you both at the same time.

condoms.

you pull away, his teeth still grazing at your lower lip.

"izuku, do you have any?"

he blinks for a moment, sitting back on his heels. then his eyes widen.

"yes!"

izuku sounds a little too excited just for condoms, and your eyes narrow, but he practically leaps off the bed and is burrowing through his workbag for something, and you squint, expecting a box.

what he comes up with dries you up so fast you'll need iv fluids.

his grin is wide as he presents to you, proudly, a string of pristine looking condoms, all printed with all might's million watt smile right on the packaging.

"see, i didn't forget!"

a moment of silence passes as you beg the heavens above that your adonis of a partner is not fucking serious about fucking you sideways with his mentor's brand of contraceptive rubbers.

"izuku."

"what?"

"..."

you walk out of the room, immediately, so irate you can't speak.

"WHAT?!" he asks, following you out immediately. "come on!"

there's no way you are coming or cumming anywhere in the next hour. not like this.

you find your seat back at your desk and crack open your hardback textbook as hard as you can, doing your best to ignore the whine his voice has taken. he can actually die of blue balls for all you care.

"come on, it's not that bad!"

you snap your head at him and give him a look, and he immediately recants.

"okay, i'll go out right now and get normal condoms, i promise."

you lick the tip of your index finger and turn the page of your book.

"please, my dick is literally so hard right now, don't you care if i die?"

"perish. let me see," you reply, without turning your head.

"wow!" you can't' help but stifle a laugh at his disbelief. you hear him shift upwards and turn, not even realizing he had been kneeling.

as he stands, you do get a look at his... impressive member. maybe he could die like this, the way that thing is rock hard and waiting desperately for you.

you blink, look at your book, then look back at him. he's looking at you with the puppy dog eyes, and he still looks the way he does and he's still built the way he is, and...

...

moments later, you're folded into a jackknife because your pro hero fiancé somehow always gets his way, but at least, mercifully, his mentor's condom isn't wrapped all over what's pumping in and out of you.

right before your eyes roll back in your head, you can still see all might's smile, and maybe you should have just stuck with the damn pregnancy tests after all.

[kittyandco]

re: this post from @selfshipping-haven -- (didn't want to derail accidentally)

i don't want to start anything, i'm just sharing my thoughts. but truthfully: as someone who's been in the community since late 2018, it used to be a lot more of a community. people did interact with each other a lot more. we were happy to. i remember how it was. it was a lot smaller, too. so taking sheer numbers into account, it isn't even hard to find active self shippers to interact with. in fact, it is much easier.

i think a lot of the reason people don't interact is mostly vibes based ... i've seen a lot of people say it feels like walking on eggshells around here. i think that comes into account. but the only way to combat this is to simply, and i'm not kidding, give people more grace. just BE NICE. this goes for so many things. a lot of people, especially online, have become passively cruel, and have normalized this behavior. this kind of "get them before they get me" mentality is so prevalent now. people so protective of the self that you don't let anyone in, even to say "hello," whether from anger or fear. if you want community, you have to break out of that. i understand where a lot of you are coming from. but you'll find your people. be the change you want to see. seriously.

we should be on each other's side. think of all the places you can really go and talk about self shipping without being lambasted as "creepy" (which is such an overused term for NORMAL SOCIAL BEHAVIOR. which is also an issue in this i believe) or "mentally ill." think about it. hardly ANYWHERE. because people from ye olden days of self ship tumblr, like me and other bloggers, helped make this space welcoming. we also didn't wait for others to create what we wanted. we just went out and did it post-by-post. and i just don't see the same energy across the board anymore

we are pretty much the only ones who want to hear each other. so listen with an open heart

[proton-selfships]

So I just read this great post by @kittyandco and it struck a really, really deep chord with me as someone who was also in the selfship community in ye olden days (as in, pre-pandemic olden days).

Now, don't get me wrong, those days weren't perfect either. I still experienced hostility for little reason, and it still hurts me to think about and affects my ability to trust people to this day. And I sure as hell wasn't the only one, or the one who had it the worst. But that lack of good faith that used to be the exception really does feel like the norm now, and it makes interacting way more stressful than it ever was back then. You're expected to read novella-length DNIs and can't interact with or follow anyone without fearing that you missed one of your fandoms on their DNI list and will get shit for it.

(And those pages are often confusing to navigate and use hard-to-read colors, to boot. Seriously, the Web Content Accessibility Guidelines should be mandatory reading for anyone making a Carrd or Rentry account)

And that's not even to mention the fear of what you say to someone in a private conversation getting twisted and shared and vagueposted about without your permission. That's something I've witnessed happen to multiple friends of mine. Again, isolated incidents back then, way more common than it should be now.

Meanwhile, *old woman voice* back in my day... What I always think back to was the really popular ask game that would go around, where you could ask whoever reblogged it to come up with headcanons for your F/Os. And people were sending each other asks left and right! People were excited to look up F/Os they'd never heard of to come up with a little pick-me-up for the person in their ask box! And I remember them being a blast to read and write!

Nowadays? If your F/Os are from sources that's not in the media zeitgeist or another limited set of perennial sources people will generally know enough to engage with... Good luck getting anyone to talk to you. (And that definitely goes double for anyone who ships with characters who aren't white men or isn't white themselves, that's a whole other issue that I've definitely experienced as a lesbian.)

I think it's both the growing atmosphere of hostility and social media in general's growing focus on "making content" and "branding" that keeps people from reaching out to each other unless they ship the same kinds of things they do. It's not really a community anymore. And that sucks, because that's a problem that's infected selfship spaces from the social media landscape as a whole

But I think we could still make the choice to see each other as people. Because, at the end of the day, selfshippers don't really have anywhere else to go. We're all just a bunch of people who carry love for characters in our hearts. Shouldn't we be willing to extend that love to each other, too?

(Obviously, this comes with caveats. I don't know if this is just me and my friends, but it also feels like we're all just too tired nowadays to reach out or meaningfully engage with other shippers' work. I'm definitely guilty of going MIA for long periods for that reason, so I'm not going to act like the lack of interaction with my blog specifically isn't my fault there. But in my experience I've seen a lot of that exhaustion come from this, from the walking on eggshells and the lack of reciprocity of the energy you put in, so it all still applies)

[ramzawrites]

My knight in shining shell - 2k12!Leonardo x Reader

GEN

Pairings: Leonardo/Reader

Characters included: Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael

Warnings: n/a

Series: No

Summary: Leo is stoic and serious. He needed to be for his brothers and the team. This is just how it worked and honestly he has gotten really good at being the serious leader. But then there was Y/N who just tore that right down to pieces. They were a flirt and somehow they managed to affect Leo. So much so that he began having a serious crush on them. Sadly the flirtiness was only with him, no they did the same with everyone. One moment they flirted with him, which gave him hope on to take that hope and destroy it as they began flirting with someone else. It’s only natural that Leo would get to a point where he needs to tell Y/N to stop.

Word count: 4805

Authors Note: The truth come out, Ramza does not know how to flirt but they tried their best here 😤Also just saying, detailed prompts are always good! It gives the author you request to more to work with! Then again this can depend a bit on the author but I think this is true for a lot

Request: Ohhh requests are open??? How about 2012 leo with a flirty reader. He tries his damn hardest to remain composed and all responsable and leader-like but he just goes full on tomato when reader flirts with him.

Thing is... leo actually developsa crush on reader, but they are a bit flirty with everyone and he is not sure if they really like him back, and is a bit insecure about the whole "stoic boring leader" thing and thinks they would not choose him 

One time they are alone and teasing as usual, but leo can't take it anymore and says to please stop playing with his heart, he can't take it anymore. And reader is like... dude I mean everything I say to you, why do you think I flirt with you the most out of everyone?

Angst with a cute ending hehe 💓 

(Or just flustered leo with a flirty reader, If you don't like detailed prompts?)

(Ps. Could you tag my sideblog @selfship-mishaps if/when you post the request? I would love to see what you write but don't want it to get lost on my dash!)

Being the leader meant for Leo that he needed to be in control. It was his job to ensure that whenever the group was out on missions that everything went along smoothly. He needed to have a plan for every possible situation. Sure, his brothers may joke that he acts way too paranoid or is way too cautious but this way he could ensure that the chances of all four of them returning in one piece was way higher than if they just winged it. Besides he was happy to take on this burden himself. His brothers don’t need to worry about all those things and can instead goof around when the time allows it.

And the older they got the better he has gotten to fall right into his stoic leader persona. Not a single twitch in his facial expression when he dodged the sixth water balloon from Mikey that day.

His brothers have accepted him being the worrywart and stoic brother that he was. After all they grew up with him, they know him better than he might think. They very much realized what kind of burden he laid on himself. In private Leo did enjoy to goof of here and there as well, which especially Mikey took advantage of, though over time even that seemed to lessen.

Raph would sometimes joke that Leo’s face was made out of stone the way he always carried the same expression on his face.

Now for Leo, the chaos of his brothers was a known quantity. At this point he could predict fairly accurately what they were up to and what was going on. It wasn’t hard to steel his emotions and expression when you knew what to expect and after all, he has a ton of training in that regard.

So, when the group got into contact with a new human, Leo was certain he could uphold his typical persona fairly easy. But of course, the universe wouldn’t make it that easy for him, for the universe sent no one else but the agent of chaos right to them.

Y/N was actually quite a normal human. Did alright at school, had a few friends with whom they happily hung out with and loved to read comics in their free time. And yet if you asked the others, they would describe Y/N as someone who believed that life was a game and that they were currently winning it.

It was almost frustrating how easy Y/N managed to befriend everyone.

They were introduced to the group after the turtles saved them and April from some attackers. April has been already good friends with them. The two just randomly met and apparently hit it off immediately. It didn’t take long for Casey to meet them as well and from that on the mention of Y/N became an almost daily occurrence.

April or Casey would stare at their phones, sometimes giggle or roll their eyes only to explain to the turtles that it was “Just Y/N being Y/N”. Of course, the turtles got curious and asked them about this mysterious Y/N who suddenly caught Casey’s and April’s attention so much.

Poor Donnie saw April even less because she met up with Y/N as often as she could. Something about being happy that she had a normal friend as well.

That of course changed when the brothers saved April and Y/N from a Krang attack. April tried to send Y/N away, tell them to flee and that she got it covered but Y/N was stubborn. They tried kicking one of their attackers away only to painfully realize that they were more robust than anticipated.

The turtles dealt with the bots quite easily with the help of April as Y/N just stared mouth agape. As soon as the last one fell to the ground Donnie helped April up on the roof while Mikey grabbed the new human to help them up as well.

There April calmed them down and explained them that friendly turtle mutants exist and that they were good friends of hers. Saying something on the lines of “Remember the friend group I always hang out with and talk about? That’s them.” Which earned herself a bit of a stern stare from Leo.

“Well, what am I supposed to say when I have to randomly run off when I hang out with them. It’s easier to just say that a friend needs my help. Which is usually true, I just omitted some things.”

He couldn’t argue with that. Leo knew that April was in a bit of an annoying position, but she has managed to handle her two different lives as a normal student and as a kunoichi in training surprisingly well, so he felt it was fair to let this go. Besides the cat was definitely out of the bag at this point.

Which reminded him.

Y/N was standing next to April, once they realized that the turtles were friendly and good friends of their friend they definitely relaxed. They even sported a nice and friendly smile as he and his brothers introduced themselves. It spoke volumes about them how they managed to stay calm and even friendly in the night where they suddenly found out that robots with aliens in their bellies existed but also ninja mutant turtles who fought them on the regular.

Mikey was bouncing around, clearly happy since this situation probably meant that they get to have a new human friend. Even Donnie and Raph eyed them curiously.

Leo on the other hand had his typical neutral but stern expression on. He would be more worried about the implications of this situation, but April seemed to trust them with the knowledge of him and his family. But still, he had to ensure his family’s safety.

Taking a few steps closer so he stood right in front of the new human he took a moment to stare blankly into their eyes. Maybe it was a tactic to intimidate them a little, maybe he just wanted to see how they would react. Either way Y/N wasn’t afraid to stare him down right back. The slight grin on their lips didn’t go unnoticed. It made Leo feel like as if they knew exactly what he was doing. As if they could see right through him. He didn’t like that.

“Y/N.” He tried out their name. Even though their eyes were still burning right through him it felt like there was a new glint in their eyes.

“You do not tell anyone about us, if we find out you talked about us to others… I’ll make sure you will regret it.” Okay, sure some might say this was way too aggressive, but this was about the safety of his family. Seeing how his said family didn’t step in, they must have realized his intentions as well.

As a response Y/N laid their hand over their heart “I solemnly swear I will not mention you guys to anyone. I mean who will believe me anyway? Besides you guys saved me, and April seems to like you. Who am I to put my handsome knight in shining shell in more danger.”

That was a… response. It made him stop in his tracks. If he wasn’t already tense this would definitely make him tense.

April couldn’t help herself as she let out a chuckle “You are impossible.” Clearly used to their antics.

Leo just narrowed his eyes “This is serious.”

“And I’m being serious as well! Everything I said I meant wholeheartedly.” Their smile wide accompanied by a wink, clearly referring mostly to the little flirty quip at the end.

Before Leo could retort April just elbowed their side to which Y/N finally relented and sighed.

“I mean it. I won’t tell anyone anything. I don’t want to put you into more danger and from the little bit what April has told me over time I can tell that she trusts you a lot.” Somehow Leo thought it was impossible for them to sound serious but here they were.

Suddenly Leo felt some weight on his shell and Mikey’s face popped up next to him as he was still busy staring down the new human.

“Does that mean they will be a new friend that we can hang out with?”

“I’m not sure. They would be in way more danger if they hung out with us. It would be better if they just continued on and ignored our existence.” Leo replied.

But apparently Y/N had other ideas because they shook their head “Oh no, Blue. You can’t get rid of me that easily now. Any friends of April are my friends.”

Mikey beamed at that, leaning more over his brother as he continued climbing up him. Leo had to move a few steps to the side to keep his balance as Mikey tried to get closer to Y/N yet he still looked at Leo from the side “See! They say we are already friends, Leo!”

“If it helps, Leo, I’ll vouch for them. I honestly believe one of the reasons I wasn’t suspended from school yet for missing classes is because Y/N here managed to come up with excuses for me even without knowing what was going on. I trust them.”

“Only if Sensei is okay with it.” He finally relented.

Y/N and Mikey cheered at that while April happily laid her arm around them. April might have been happy with having a normal friend, but she accepted a long time ago already that her life will never be normal.

Finally, Mikey jumped off his eldest brother to begin talking Y/N’s ears off.

The group led their new friend to the sewers where Y/N met Splinter. Y/N must have noticed how the others held immense respect towards the tall rat mutant since they tried to act as polite as possible. They happily told him who they were and earnestly told him that they will keep their existence a secret. And after April once again vouched for them Splinter happily agreed to let them be apart of the little friend group of his sons.

When he retreated into his quarters Leo’s brothers, mostly Mikey, immediately jumped to get to know the human better. As they begun pulling them along to show off their home, Y/N took a look back towards the leader in blue.

“Seems like we will get to know each other better, Blue.” Another wink and they turned back around to follow Mikey around.

And as Leo felt a tingle in his stomach at their words and behavior, he knew that they would be more trouble than they are worth it.

And trouble they were. Specifically, for him.

The brothers sat around the kitchen table, opening their pizza cartons to finally grab a nice bite to eat after a long training session. Honestly it went better than usual. Even Mikey managed to somewhat focus. Well for a few minutes longer than usual.

It was then that Y/N just waltzed into their lair as if they owned it. They were about to fling themself on the couch but noticed the brothers in the kitchen.

“What’s up, dude! Good timing!” Mikey said, his mouth full with pizza.

Y/N chuckled as they walked into the kitchen, their eyes looking over the pizza boxes “Clearly! Can I get a piece? Pretty please?”

But Mikey put his arm protectively around his box, lightly pushing it away from Y/N a serious frown on his face “Nuh-uh! I worked for this! Should have grabbed some food before coming over.”

Their eyes widened, their mouth playfully turned downwards “Mikey! My pretty best friend! You would starve me?”

“Yep.”

Clearly Y/N couldn’t let this be so their pleading eyes landed on Raph.

“No chance.”

Then on to Donnie.

“Oh no. This is mine. You came in here unannounced that’s what you get.”

And when Y/N’s eyes landed on Leo, he made sure to ignore them. He just kept on eating. It didn’t stop him from feeling warm under their gaze. And while he made a point to not look at them and concentrate on his food, he did notice Y/N stepping closer. From the corner of his eyes, he could see them pout.

As they stood next to him, they leaned closer to him, one hand casually on his shoulder “Come on, Leo. Please?”

“You heard Donnie.” Was all he said.

Now what Leo forgot was that Y/N didn’t know what shame was and honestly, they were way too brave for their own good.

Just as Leo grabbed another pizza piece their own hand landed on his wrist as he was halfway back in the air. Now he couldn’t help but look at Y/N, who had a very smug smile on their face. Not wanting to give them the satisfaction of a reaction, he made sure to steel his expression into his professional neutral one.

As the two stood in this standstill the other three at the table couldn’t help but stare.

Both kept staring at each other. Leo stoically and Y/N smugly.

Once again to Leo it felt like Y/N could see right through him. Through the façade he put on to look stronger more able than he sometimes felt. Though right now he needed it to hide how his mouth suddenly felt dry, how there was an unmistakable heat climbing up his neck as Y/N stood so close to him. He knew they did it on purpose to stand close and press their side against his.

It’s just how they were, he tried to explain to himself. They searched for body contact whenever they could. Grabbing Mikey to dance to the music they randomly put on. Climbing onto Raph’s back as a way to distract him when they played video games. Throwing their arm around Donnie’s shoulders to pull him away from his projects.

He could feel the pull of their fingers against his wrist as they slowly moved his pizza towards them. Taking a huge bite out of it with a grin.

“Thank you, Blue. You’re my favorite for a reason.”

When they suddenly let go of his wrist, he couldn’t help but miss the warmth of their hand. Even while they forcefully had moved his hand so they could take a bite out of his pizza, it was still careful.

“Is… Is Leo blushing? Did Y/N manage to break our fearless leader?” Raph asked. He genuinely sounded impressed.

Leo moved his head away to the side, a frown on his face. He wasn’t blushing! He couldn’t be!

“Wow. Y/N is more powerful than I thought.” Donnie spoke.

Taking in a deep breath Leo tried to calm his heart down, this was horrible. Normally he could hide his emotions well but somehow Y/N really managed to get under his skin.

Speaking of Y/N they placed their hands on his arm, slightly squeezing it “Hey, Leo, come on. Look at me.” Their voice was soft, quiet even as they pleaded to him but even without looking at them Leo could tell that they were still smiling. They were always smiling.

At this point he felt like he had better control of his body, so he turned around, trying to look unamused. Expecting to see Y/N with a Cheshire smile on their face but he instead it was a soft one. There was an emotion hidden there that he couldn’t decipher. Their eyes clearly running over his face, probably trying to find a hint of said blush. Which he of course didn’t have!

“Aw, I wanted to see your blushing face! I bet it looks cute.”

Leo sighed defeated, once again turning away “Just grab a slice already. You won.” The heat exploded on his cheeks at their last comment. He knew it didn’t work like that, but he hoped that his mask would hide his blush.

“I know I just said this but there is a reason you are my favorite. You don’t let me starve.” They made sure to narrow their eyes and look at the other turtles accusingly.

The others didn’t even seem to properly register what Y/N was doing. They were honestly too baffled that this just happened. Getting under the leader’s skin like that so easily was not easy. Actually, they haven’t seen anything like that yet. Not from someone outside the family at least. As his brothers they knew how to push his buttons, but this was new.

Oh, they will be sure to remind him of this until the end of days.

As it turned out though, they didn’t have to do a lot since Y/N had it covered themself.

After the pizza incident they were mostly found around Leo. Throwing themself on his back whining something about wanting to be carried by him. Stealing his food whenever they could. Putting their legs across his lab whenever the group had movie night. And the hugs, there were so many hugs.

And whenever Leo broke out into another blush Y/N would cheer happily and give him compliments about how it apparently suited him.

It didn’t take long for Leo that he had to admit that he developed a bit of a crush on Y/N.

How could he deny that fact for long when there was literally only one thing that managed to break through his leader persona, and he couldn’t help but enjoy it a little bit. At first it was annoying. He needed to be the serious one, he needed to have the control but somehow Y/N just managed to break through that wall so easily again and again.

The problem with admitting that he did indeed have a crush was that he started having hope. Hope was dangerous, especially with Y/N.

Every time they searched for body contact with him, made compliments, flirty quips when they watched him train, he couldn’t help but for the moment think this was something they only did to him. That this meant something more than just to rile him up and see him flustered as his brothers giggled.

But whenever Y/N pulled Mikey along to dance again, interlacing their fingers with his, whenever they asked for a one-on-one training session from Raph with a wink, whenever they told Donnie that they enjoyed listening to his ramblings because they loved his voice, it felt like someone threw ice water onto his head.

A wake-up call from his own rose-tinted dream that he tried to hold on to.

He knew he made it worse for himself as he couldn’t help but enjoy the attention from Y/N and looked for it whenever they came to visit again. At this point he only needed to take one look at them for his heartbeat to pick up. A smile cracking through his façade when his eyes met theirs. His breath hitching when they notice how he looks at them and grace him with that soft smile that he saw so rarely.

And then they turn around and throw a compliment towards one of his brothers which always brought him back down to reality. Reality hurt.

Reality was that Y/N just liked to flirt with everybody. It was just who they were. It was harmless. It meant nothing.

It meant nothing to them. It shouldn’t mean anything to Leo. His mind knew what was going on, but his heart didn’t.

There was no chance that Y/N liked him back anyhow. They were funny, loved to goof off and did everything to liven the place up. He was just the boring leader who looked serious twenty-four-seven and forced everyone else to take everything serious. No, there was no chance that they could feel the same in any way. It was just impossible.

Honestly this was maddening. He tried to work through his frustration with training and meditation, but Y/N invaded his mind even then. Leo had to admit, he was thoroughly screwed.

Leo knew he had to do something about it but what, he didn’t know.

The day came sooner than he anticipated.

He just finished another training session alone when Y/N came into the dojo. Even as brash as they were they knew that the dojo was a bit of a special place. Taking cautious steps towards Leo, searching his eyes for permission.

Leo chuckled “What’s up?” He made a choice to ignore how his heart was thrumming behind his plastron as he saw how Y/N now walked happier over to him. Their hands behind their back as they smiled their soft smile.

Whatever the reason was as to why they came over, he wanted to believe that it was more than boredom that made them choose to look for him specifically. Damn, there he goes again, making life more difficult for himself.

Y/N shrugged but the glint in their eyes told him they had a specific agenda “Oh, I don’t know. Heard that you were training and thought I could maybe watch but apparently you are done already. Bad timing on my part.”

“You know how often you watch us train you might as well join us.”

“Oh, what? Then I have to save my sorry butt myself! Why save myself if I could just wait for my blue knight in shining shell come and sweep me off my feet.” They sighed dramatically, laying the back of their hand on their forehead.

Leo narrowed his eyes at that. Of course, he would come and save them whenever they are in trouble, but he would do this for all his friends. Y/N wasn’t special at all, yep.

Y/N giggled stepping closer, playfully poking him once at the top of his plastron “Don’t look like that, Blue. If I remember correctly when we met it was you who carried me while you all sailed along the roofs to bring me to your lair. What can I say, I got addicted. I mean who wouldn’t be when a guy just casually picks you up and safely carries you like it was nothing.”

“Can you just… stop.” His voice was quiet, yet it made Y/N stop blabbering while he was surprised himself. It just left his mouth, betraying what went through his mind. He needed this to stop, this false hope was painful.

“Not liking compliments today?” Y/N clearly tried to alleviate the awkward air that suddenly surrounded the two. Their eyes looked over him quizzically.

Leo gulped, noticing how his mouth was suddenly dry, something that happened way too often around them “I-“ It was his chance to finally set things right and get rid of this knot in the pit of his stomach.

Y/N cocked their head to the side “I know you are the serious one, but I really don’t like this frown on your face. I prefer a smile on it. Tell me what is going through your mind, Leo.” They rarely called him that, opting to calling him Blue most of the time.

Their hands tentatively traveled to his hand, squeezing it. It was their way to encourage him. After all they were very much the touchy type.

He sighed, trying to breath out the nervousness that encompassed him “I just can’t keep dealing with this. I don’t think you notice the way you are playing with my heart and it’s just-“

This might be the first time Leo saw Y/N almost mirror his serious expression “You need to talk to me otherwise I can’t help you.”

They were right.

This time Leo didn’t mind that he could tell that he was blushing, he needed this to stop. He couldn’t concentrate anymore but he needed to.

“Your compliments… your flirting is what the problem is. I care for you. A lot. And every time you throw these compliments at my head my heart skips a beat! At first, I was just embarrassed but the way- how easily you can just get to me… I fell for you, Y/N and every time you flirt with me only to turn around to do the same with others.” He sighs again “It hurts. I need you to stop playing with my heart like this. I can’t concentrate anymore. Just- Just stop this with me, please. I know this doesn’t mean anything to you but to me you give me hope only to tear it into pieces the next moment. I tried ignoring it, but I can’t anymore.”

Then there was quiet.

Y/N just kept staring into his eyes as he tried to stand his ground.

Leo just told them exactly how he felt but it was needed. He couldn’t do this any longer.

His face was ablaze, and he could tell that he began to sweat due to his nerves. Leo tried to untangle his hand with that of Y/N’s but they just squeezed his hand again, laying their other hand on top of his. The warmth was welcoming but at the same time it felt like it was burning him. He wanted to retreat, just get out of this situation, and forget this has happened but Y/N held him firmly in this place.

But what really made him stop trying to get out of their grasp were their eyes. The soft smile, a crinkle around their eyes as their smile seemingly reached their beautiful eyes. Though what surprised him was the unmistakable blush that was on their cheeks. It positively sucked all the air out of his lungs.

He could cry, he wanted all of this to stop but somehow it just got worse.

“Yeah, you are right. Only partially though. I am a flirt. It’s how I show I care for people, it’s just my go to reaction but the problem with that is when I really mean it… I guess it comes over as my usual self.” They chuckled nervously.

“Y/N?” his voice was wavering.

“It means that when I flirted with you, I actually meant it for once. Maybe I thought you could tell that I was flirting with you more than the others because I care for you. I think, the moment I met you I began having a crush on you. I never wanted you to feel this pain. The first time I saw your blushing face I knew that I had it bad for you.”

To say the least, this was not what he expected.

Leo expected that they might try to talk their way out of this. Say something that he should loosen up but this? Never. Maybe only in his dreams but that was that. Dreams.

“You mean that?” He flinched at the crack of his voice, suddenly feeling more like a child than a ninja that beat up all kinds of foes on the daily.

Y/N let go of his hand, sad at the sudden loss of contact once again. But their hands landed on his shoulders, pulling him closer against them in a hug. It wasn’t the first hug but this time it felt more genuine, more loving, more intimate.

They slowly moved a step back to snake their hands over to grasp his face softly between their soft hands. Leo involuntarily leaned more into their touch.

Seeing this as a good sign, Y/N smile and moved up to meet his lips in a chaste kiss. Their lips soft as they hesitantly brushed against his. It felt like he got electrocuted. Not believing what was happening. His heart felt like it exploded in his chest. The butterflies in his stomach seemed to have multiplied.

“Does this answer your question?” They looked confident but the waver in their voice betrayed their own nerves.

“I- I think so…”

“Okay, then if you can tell what I’m feeling for you now let me just say this. I’m sorry for doing this to you. I never meant to play with your emotions like that. I realize now how this all must have looked towards you and I’m really, really sorry.”

This time it was Leo who softly leaned over to catch Y/N off guard with a kiss. Where this sudden confidence came from, he didn’t know. Maybe it was all the frustration that has build up over the months.

“I think I can forgive you.” He chuckled. Immense relief rushing over him. “But…”

“But?”

“Maybe keep your attention from now on me only?”

This made Y/N laugh, it was a beautiful laugh that seemed to wash away any of the rest of the thick air that was still surrounding them “Oh, happily! How can I not! I have my handsome prince charming right here.”

And this time with this simple flirt, it felt correct. There wasn’t a heaviness, there was just the heat that laid across Leo’s cheeks while his heart tried to jump out of his chest. And dare he, he even allowed a huge smile to crack through on to his face.

[melancholic-entrails]

found this, felt wholesome, was about to reblog then saw the "proship fuck off thanks" so to respect their wishes, i am going to post a copy of their message here, because all of it was great except the end

( really, how do you say "learn to be a decent person" and then next sentence you say "proship fuck off thanks") i cropped out the username cuz i dont want someone to harrass them/anxious ( just in case). i copied and pasted the text to underneath the image!

[start of text description]

Shoutout to self shippers that don’t like sharing their f/o(s), there’s nothing wrong with feeling jealous, sad, possessive, some characters are very special to you personally, or you just feel so deeply and dearly for them, and that’s okay. I get it. Doesn’t matter if the character is extremely popular or completely unknown, you’re valid. Same goes for not wanting to see canon x canon ships with your f/o!

And if you’re only comfortable sharing with certain people that’s cool to!

Self shipping can be an incredibly personal experience, and there’s no right or wrong way to go about it, you’re not inconsiderate or greedy or annoying or anything for being uncomfortable sharing .

Your f/o(s) love you so much, always remember it’s okay to curate your experience selfshipping online, it’s perfectly okay to block tags and or blogs if you need to. Don’t make yourself suffer by continually exposing yourself to discomfort 👍

This post does not apply to you if you actively hate on / send hate / are shitty to other people that do share your f/o(s). Learn to be a decent person.

[end of text description]

i wanted to add on to their point, because everything they said was good, they were just being gatekeepy- which is their perogative, i just think positivity should be for everybody and i would like to make it accessible. op if you see this, please don't reply as a: i'm in your dni and b: i'm posting this for the sole reason of spreading positivity. so yeah, everything op said also counts for proshippers and profic peeps. <3

[proshippy-fox]

One thing I have noticed in some of my fandoms is that some artists(idk if they're anti or not) tag their art this way:

# character A x character B #not a ship &/or #they are siblings!!

I've only seen "x" be used for ships. I assumed that's how it was used in Tumblr. So either I was mistaken or a) the artist tag the ship for more reach b) the artist is an anti and wants to irritate the shippers, which can be true because I have seen "proship dni" tagged by some of them.

In the second case I find it kind of stupid, checking the tags shows that people will reblog the art, tag it as the ship and ignore the "not a ship!" or similar tags. And I think I'll do the same from now on, because dear anti, if you didn't want it to be tagged that way, you shouldn't have put it there in the first place.

I've seen the same issue too lol, especially on selfship posts. "Character x reader, platonic" when I've been used to "x" being used specifically for shipping. I think it's starting to become an issue on ao3 as well because I've seen romanctic tagged as "&" rather than "/" and vice versa.

It's annoying, isn't it? Looking for romantic content and people are tagging their platonic content because they want reach or they just want to piss people off. Tags are meant to be used correctly so people can find what they want or filter out what they don't want, and crosstagging things that don't apply goes directly against that.

If people want platonic content on tumblr, I would assume they'd just search both character names without the #, not the ship tag.

[solitaireships]

Cultural Reconnection

Happy Lunar New Year! To celebrate, I wanted to do a little selfship fic, and I decided with this one to do a modern AU focused on Helena and Chae-Yeong, partially bcs they have the same backgrounds as me with that so I know a little more about Seollal (Korean new year) things from my irl attempts to connect more with my culture

Full disclosure here, like Helena and Chae-Yeong, a lot of what I know about Seollal celebrations are things that I have recently taught myself from doing research online. This may not be a 100% accurate with how things are celebrated, and if it's not, I would appreciate anyone who knows more giving feedback! While it won't change things with this fic, bcs they also are still learning how to celebrate this properly, it'd help me out with my future LNY celebrations

Rating: Gen

Genre: Fluff

Words: 2325 words

Divider by saradika

Helena doesn’t cook very often. It’s not that she’s a bad cook, but with her and Chae-Yeong both hating being in the kitchen with other people, Chae-Yeong tends to be the one to make dinner more often than not. Helena figures that with how much food they’ll need for tonight’s Seollal celebrations, though, she could handle the majority of the cooking. 

As she cooks, Helena’s in new hanbok that Chae-Yeong had bought for this. She’s had to be careful with it— the last thing she wants to do is stain the light green and pink fabric making up the layers of her clothes. Her hanbok’s chima is longer than any of the dresses or skirts she usually wears, but she likes the way it moves around her as she walks around the kitchen.

In some ways it feels like she’s not supposed to be wearing this— her grandmother never passed on much information about Korean culture to Helena or her mother beyond the food. But she’s worn hanbok before, and she reminds herself that this is a part of her culture, even if it’s something she grew up disconnected from. 

It helps that Chae-Yeong’s in a similar boat to Helena. Both of them are a quarter Korean, both of them didn’t get many cultural things passed down to them, and both of them look white. Helena is used to feeling out of place everywhere she goes, never really feeling like she belongs to any community fully. But with Chae-Yeong, she actually feels like she’s not alone. 

Trying to fill the many gaps in her knowledge of Korean culture is more fun with Chae-Yeong, though. That’s another thing that makes Helena feel less alone, less like she’s an imposter and doesn’t really count as Korean. And as Helena finishes up making their rice cake soup hopes that she’s able to make Chae-Yeong feel the same way. 

“The soup is done, starlight!” Helena calls. 

“Smells good,” Chae-Yeong says, coming into the kitchen with a bottle of sparkling cider in hand. She looks pretty in hanbok— she's dressed in has a bright red skirt and a black jeogori. The silver and pink norigae she’s wearing is a nice touch too with its butterfly charm, standing out from the rest of the outfit.

Helena thinks this look suits her well. Her hanbok even matches with the red and black paint along her prosthetic arm and leg. It seems to match her perfectly, and is a good reminder to Helena of just how pretty her wife is. 

“Thanks,” Helena says. “Did you get the rest of the table set up?”

“Mhm.” Chae-Yeong sets the bottle down on the counter, digging through their drawers to find a bottle opener. “We’ll just need to get the last of the hot stuff plated, then everything will be ready.”

Helena turns off the stovetop. “Great. I’m hungry after cooking all day.”

“I’m sure it’ll all taste amazing, yeobo,” Chae-Yeong says. “Do you want me to help plate stuff?”

“If it won’t make you annoyed,” Helena replies, half teasing. 

Chae-Yeong rolls her eyes but smiles. “Putting food on plates and cooking are too different things. And it’s not like you’re better.”

“I’m not. But it’s always good to be safe, you can get scary when you feel like it.”

“I don’t get scary.”

“Yeah, you do.” Helena nudges Chae-Yeong’s side as she walks past with a plate of bulgogi. “You look pretty like that, though.”

Chae-Yeong laughs, pausing the process of scooping some rice from their rice cooker to look at Helena. “You’re the only person in the world who could think I’m attractive when I’m mad.”

“Mhm, which is part of why I’m very lucky to have married you,” Helena says. 

Chae-Yeong gives her one last little affectionate look before they both go back to plating their food. It’s a lot of work to do, but between the two of them, they’re able to get the job done quickly. Helena switches to bringing plates over to the table, doing what she can to remember where everything is supposed to be placed.

This isn’t like her and Chae-Yeong’s normal dinner arrangements. They have food set up practically covering every inch of it. At one end of the table is a collection of fruits such as Asian pears and apples, with a row of vegetables set up on plates behind it. The third row at the back of the table is where they set up their bowls of rice along with plates full of japchae and bulgogi. There’s a spot near the middle of that back row for the rice cake soup which Chae-Yeong brings in in two large bowls. Behind the table is a folding paper screen, one set up there especially for today. They’ve also set up a candle on either side of the table’s middle row, which Helena lights as she waits for Chae-Yeong.

It’s a lot of food for the two of them to eat. Far more than they’d usually prepare. Helena’s never been a big eater, and just looking at everything laid out in front of them is almost intimidating. 

The food isn’t all for them, though. This year they’re trying something new. A part of Seollal is honoring ancestors with charye rites, and this year they’ll be making their first attempt at performing that. 

Preparing an offering table was Helena’s idea. She wasn’t sure how Chae-Yeong would feel about it. Chae-Yeong’s relationship with her family was never a good one, and if she didn’t want to be part of the charye rites, Helena would have understood. Only Chae-Yeong’s biological father even seemed remotely worth honoring. Maybe none of Helena’s ancestors are either— her relationship with her maternal grandparents had been tense for years, and she doesn’t know much about any of her relatives beyond her grandparents. 

But this is something that’s part of most celebrations of Seollal, and Helena wants to try this at least once. Chae-Yeong agreed to this too, and if nothing else Helena will be glad that she gets to do this with her wife. They had to make some substitutions, though— Helena read that alcohol is usually offered to ancestors, but neither of them drink so instead they opted for a sparkling cider. Incense is also used for charye rites too, but the smell makes Helena feel sick so instead they have a reed diffuser set up on the table by the vegetables. 

“Are you ready to do the honors?” Helena asks as Chae-Yeong comes to rest her head on her shoulder.

“If you are,” Chae-Yeong says. “I’m still not sure I’m the best one to be handling this, though. There wasn’t a ton of information about what I’m supposed to be doing online.”

“You’ll do great,” Helena promises, reaching back to give her wife’s hip a quick squeeze.

Chae-Yeong takes a deep breath. It’s rare that she’s ever nervous, but that she’s clearly worried about this is a sign of just how much it matters to her. This is a part of her culture too, a part that neither of them are experienced with. They both want to get this right. 

Knowing Helena’s not alone in this is nice. 

But it’s also nice seeing the way any nerves fade away as Chae-Yeong begins performing the charye rites. She pulls a piece of prayer written in Korean from one of the pockets built into her skirt, placing it on the table before calling out towards their ancestors in a greeting, welcoming them to the table. She’s always been good at coming off as confident even when she’s new to something, and she looks like she’s done this a thousand times as she pours a cup of sparkling cider as an offering. She places a pair of chopsticks on the plate of bulgogi and leaves a spoon in one of the rice bowls. 

Chae-Yeong moves to move the paper screen, unfolding it more so it hides the table from view. Her skirts rustle around her as she makes her way back to Helena. 

“Alright, we’ll have to step out for a bit now,” Chae-Yeong says.

Helena nods and lets her wife lead the way out of the dining room and into their living room.

“Are we supposed to just sit in silence while the ancestors eat?” Helena asks as she closes the door behind her.

“I don’t know, I couldn’t find anything about that when I was figuring this out,” Chae-Yeong admits. She takes a seat on the couch. “I’d say we try to be quiet just to be safe. That feels more ceremonial.”

“Okay.”

Helena sits down next to Chae-Yeong. She doesn’t usually like sitting around in silence for a long time— her mind wanders easily, and usually it wanders towards rumination and everything in her life that’s stressing her out. But with Lunar New Year on her mind, she finds her thoughts going to better things for once.

She wonders what her great-grandparents would have thought of her and Chae-Yeong. She never met them, and she never heard stories about them either. There are no puzzle pieces for her to put together, there’s no story she can create from scraps of information. Most of her family tree is a mystery to her even as she honors them. 

But Chae-Yeong’s not a mystery at all. Helena knows how to read her unlike anyone else, knows every single one of her little quirks by heart. She’s someone who makes sense, and Helena’s always grateful for their similarities. She makes life so much better for her, and she hopes that regardless of who her great-grandparents or even her great-great-grandparents were, they’d at least be proud of her for finding someone she can be herself around. Maybe they’d be proud of her for reconnecting with her roots, for trying to follow cultural traditions even if it took her a long time to do so. 

Family is weird, and it’s complicated, but Helena hopes that there’d be someone in Chae-Yeong’s family that’s happy for her too. And if no one else is, then Helena will be proud of her for them. 

The five minutes they’re away from the dining room pass quickly. Chae-Yeong’s leg brushes against Helena, getting past her skirt so that she can feel the plastic of her prosthetic foot brushing against Helena’s lower leg. 

Chae-Yeong breaks the silence with a cough. “We’re good to head back in.”

Helena gets up first, waiting a second for Chae-Yeong to get up after her. She stretches as she gets up, making a soft grunting noise.

Nothing’s different as the two of them make it back into the dining room, though Helena feels like it should be. She hopes that this is what they’re supposed to be doing, as Chae-Yeong makes her way to the table again. She moves to put the folding screen back in its original position, revealing the table again. She goes to take the chopsticks from the bulgogi, then the spoon from the rice bowl.

“We’re supposed to bow four times now,” Chae-Yeong says as she rejoins Helena. “It’ll help send the ancestors back to the spirit world.”

Helena hums in response, taking four deep bows along with Chae-Yeong. She hopes that if anyone is watching from the other side, they appreciate the food she and Chae-Yeong prepared for them. 

Chae-Yeong strides over to the table again, now taking the written prayer from it and burning it over the candle. The ashes fall down onto the table, and Helena notes that next year they should use a tablecloth. 

“Okay,” Chae-Yeong says. “Since we don’t have any ritual things outside of that prayer, I think that’s about it aside from eumbok.”

“Great,” Helena says. Now it’s her turn to step up to the table.

It’s hard to say if that’s what the ceremony was supposed to be like when she has no frame of reference for it. Now that it’s over, she can’t help but worry that they did this wrong. She heard that people usually eat dried fish for Seollal— they didn’t have any of that, maybe that means the food offerings aren’t right. And they might not have done the ceremony itself right either, it was hard trying to find resources online about how to do this. She knows that she’s probably being irrational, and she’s probably holding herself to too high standards, but worry still eats at her. 

“I think we might be doing this wrong,” Helena says, frowning down at the table. 

“Maybe,” Chae-Yeong replies. Her arms wrap around Helena’s waist as she hugs her from behind. “But I like trying this with you.”

Helena can’t help but smile at that. “Yeah. I like it too.”

It’s not perfect. Helena knows it never will be, no matter how much she wishes she could push everything into place. But she thinks she can be content with imperfection if Chae-Yeong is. 

So she leans back to give Chae-Yeong a quick kiss on the cheek.

“How about we go ahead and eat, then?” she suggests.

“Sounds good.”

As they sit down at a corner of the table, Helena looks at all of the food laid out before them. It’s impressive to think about how much they managed to make in one day, and even if things aren’t perfect, Helena thinks now that she’s happy with how things turned out. They’re definitely going to have a lot to eat, though, and she’s sure they’ll be eating leftovers for a long time after this. 

Helena takes a slice of Asian pear, offering it to Chae-Yeong. She takes it between her teeth, biting off a piece with an affectionate look at Helena. 

She’s lucky to be going into this new year with Chae-Yeong. Everyday with her is a gift. And Helena hopes that when they eat their rice cake soup, symbolizing growing a year older with the lunar new year, this will be one of many more years spent together.

[kzuhae]

( 𝓚. ) ─ 𝐙𝐔𝐇𝐀𝐄. ’𝐒 𝓑𝐘𝐅 &&. 𝓓𝐍𝐈. 萬里飛虹

𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐘 𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐒! ⌇ read before interacting!

𐚁 notice from jia. hi lovely, welcome to my little safe space bloggie ˃̵ᴗ˂̵ please read these before interacting / following!

── 𝓚𝐙𝐔𝐇𝐀𝐄’𝐒 𝓡𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 ; 𝓖𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋

通 ⟩ i change my url and themes a lot!! i get bored easily with my urls, so please don’t be alarmed if you cannot find me!

明 ⟩ kzuhae is a multifan [ currently tokyo revengers centric! changes a lot though ] and (n)sfw + dark content blog! i write mainly fluff but minors are to block the tag #after hours ಇ. or you’ll be blocked. block all triggers needed w/ #tw trigger

明 ⟩ kzuhae is a selfshipper bloggie! idm if you like the same characters as me or talk abt your selfship on my blog, but please be mindful that you’re in MY space and that i am also allowed to talk abt my faves &&. selfships. gatekeepers are blocked.

佑 ⟩ blank blogs are blocked immediately. if you’re a minor and try to interact with my nsfw posts then you’re blocked as well. please be aware that i don’t follow back ageless blogs!

步 ⟩ don’t make drama about aging up characters or writing smut for characters with ambiguous ages, especially when it comes to genshin impact. i see most of them as adults (chongyun, gaming, etc) so i may write smut of them. block if you don’t like.

踏 ⟩ please don’t spam like! more than [5] posts liked in quick succession will get you blocked bcs tumblr will flag me as a bot :<

梅 ⟩ no reposts / promoting my work on other sites outside of tumblr, no translations, plagiarism, edits or feeding my work to ai! the same goes for my themes or my concepts. inspiration is fine when asked, but if i say no please don’t press further.

花 ⟩ i’m not always online. i’m a busy university student so i’m active infrequently, post sporadically and write slowly.

── 𝓚𝐙𝐔𝐇𝐀𝐄’𝐒 𝓡𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 ; 𝓘𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

醒 ⟩ i’m very slow at replying to asks . . . i’m really busy and it’s not on purpose, so please don’t think i’m ignoring you! (Ｔ▽Ｔ)

靈 ⟩ please don’t vent or trauma dump in my inbox, especially if we’re not mutuals or don’t know each other well!

擂 ⟩ please don’t ask to be mutuals! especially if you’re a minor! i usually follow / mutual people who i want to be friends with or if i am in the same fandoms / like the same content as them! ^_^

震 ⟩ don’t send personal discourse into my inbox, because that is between other individuals &&. doesn’t involve me.

雲 ⟩ if i break a mutual / block you, please don’t ask why. you either broke one of my boundaries, are in my dni, i don’t like your vibes etc. i won’t respond if you ask why. i hard block to break a mutual, if i’m not following you anymore it’s probably a glitch.

裡 ⟩ i use a lot of petnames ++. terms of endearment for my mutuals, &&. if you don’t like that please let me know!

翻 ⟩ i treat you as well as you treat me! please be kind ^_^

山 ⟩ all hate is blocked, especially anon hate!

── 𝓚𝐙𝐔𝐇𝐀𝐄’𝐒 𝓡𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 ; 𝓦𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆

吼 ⟩ i don’t accept requests, please don’t send any ૮꒰っ˕‹̥̥̥ ꒱ა you’re free to ramble in my inbox about any thoughts, i might write them!

( 法 ) ⟩ don’t send dark content requests. i am very picky with the dark content i write and consume. please don’t rush or force me to write thirsts or thoughts as well, i will trash it right away.

怖 ⟩ I DON’T WRITE FOR.

male!reader. chara x chara. bodily fluids other than spit &&. cum. rape / noncon. fisting. raceplay. graphic domestic or sexual abuse. suicidal tendencies. self harm. omegaverse. rpf. incest. eating disorders.

( 魔 ) ⟩ list will be updated &&. changed as time goes on. i also might reblog works with some of these tropes depending.

��� ⟩ I DO WRITE FOR.

fem!reader. filipino!coded fics (especially when writing for izana kurokawa). fluff. smut. longfics. multi-series. headcanons ++. thirsts. switch!reader. most characters from my fandoms -> if unsure then js ask ^_^

( 魔 ) ⟩ list will be updated &&. changed as time goes on. i also might reblog works with some of these tropes depending.

俱 ⟩ I MIGHT WRITE FOR.

aged up characters. stepcest. age gaps (depending). professor x uni student. dub-con. cheating. drug use. somnophilia. fear play. sub!chara. dom!reader. yandere (picky). gangbang. monster fucking (depending).

( 馴 ) ⟩ list will be updated &&. changed as time goes on. i also might reblog works with some of these tropes depending.

[prismaticstarshch]

random Aisha x Navy member/bounty hunter reader selfship stuff (with her getting a redemption arc):

at first, Aisha is hellbent on killing you, just like she's killed so many other people. she's cruel, has a lot of bloodlust, and isn't one for mercy.

somewhere along the lines, she gets cocky and thinks that you'll be easy to finish off. boy was she wrong, though, because she ends up getting the short end of the stick.

however, she still tries to fight even after being defeated. she won't go down easily, especially not when she has a high enough bounty for the Navy to want her brought in for execution.

some time passes, and she inevitably wears herself out and stops struggling, leaving her at your mercy.

when you spare her and decide not to either arrest her or turn her in, she becomes confused and wary. this must be some trick, right?

you take her in and let her stay with you. at first she stays pretty closed-off, refuses to speak to you, and still doesn't understand what's going on.

over time, she slowly opens up, and gradually begins telling you her story: she had been orphaned when she was 16, taken in by pirates and taught their ways, and then left when she was an adult to reign terror and wreak havoc on her own terms. it becomes clear that the roots of her actions are a misplaced desire for revenge, anger at the world for all the misfortunes she's suffered, and the influence of people who taught her to be what she is.

just talking and listening to her proves to have a profound effect on her. she's had so much bottled up inside that letting it all out brings her a ton of relief, and your words are helping her realize that she can change.

eventually, she goes and does the runabout with the Assassin Syndicate to get her bounty cleared, leaving her back at square one and not knowing what to do with her life now. she wants to do something where she can keep putting her combat skills to use, but isn't sure what.

you suggest to her that she could enter the Navy or become a bounty hunter. since she isn't interested in dealing with the former and likes freelance work anyways, she decides to go with the latter instead. it takes some getting used to, but she becomes pretty good at it.

time passes, and the two of you grow closer. she eventually confesses first, and is happy to learn that you feel the same way about her.

some redemption arc selfship bonuses:

Aisha's favorite love language to give and receive is physical touch. she also likes praise too.

she doesn't really fully recognize her strength that comes from her being a Warlock sometimes, so she might accidentally do things like hugging you really tightly.

she's fond of telling stories, and has plenty of them too.

while her voice is normally pretty rough, it can be soothing too, especially when she's talking quietly.

if you two manage to loot something together, she'll definitely be willing to let you keep more of it than her.

she's definitely going to have her fair share of angst, from nightmares and flashbacks to dealing with things unrelated to her past. doing things like holding her close and reassuring her will help her out when those things happen.

so yeah, I did one thing I mentioned earlier lol