#and i want to be excited for mega con

[solar-sunnyside-up]

tell to me about the info

Really??? 👉👈

Okkk soooooo this is our project up in Calgary. Recently there's been a lot of drama about it as the provincial Cons attempted to cancel the project due to them being owned by Oil lobbies, but due to the accumulated $200million in fines for not honoring contracts made with construction companies had to go back and build at least half of the train line.

Now out of the 8 stops on the new line, there are really only 4 I'm mega invested in.

Ogden-

This is the one closest to my house. There's a few extra pieces of info that can't be seen by the maps, mainly that the reason for all this Plaza space in the front is due to the fact that they are also building a skate park about 2 blocks away and when I asked about the potential hostile architecture being added to the station they actually pointed out they wanted skaters to go to the Plaza and have ppl use bikes/skates/boards/etc.. within the space!!also that events could be held there in the summer.

The second thing is that this is across the street from our local pub/petstore/chruch/playgroup in a kinda strip mall type thing. Meaning people will have access to these things from the other side of the community without driving which is great particularly in the winter when we have -60c temps sometimes. Also as a result of the higher traffic they are completely redoing the crosswalk/adding bus stops within this area which is well over due as it's a super big hazard!

Additionally the heated bus stops as well as a noise barrier for the Canadian Rail line that is sooo noisey on our street.

Lynn/Millican-

This one is a little less exciting, but basically there's this stretch of land that's primarily for baseball diamonds meaning its barren come winter. Within the corner of said park, they're adding this station with a bus hub, better crosswalks, and is the other end of my community.

There's also fruit trees and a "park and go" parking lot - which was apart of a program by city originally came up with in the 80s basically allowing free parking at a train station to encourage people to park at the station then take the train into the cities center (which at the time was primarily offices but nows a lot of residential and retail spaces). This was basically to avoid traffic jams and over parking in the core of the city. Given that we have over 200 parking lots (which cost between 19-25$/hr when our minimum wage is $15/hr) this is exciting to see them invest in this style again!

26th Ave-

Now this one I'm so jazzed for!!! This location is in a spot where basically 1 bus goes by regularly and half the community is still unaccessable except by foot without sidewalks. Now, as we can see they are adding extra crosswalks and its also right next door to a farmers market!! Our oldest one in the city and is so popular people are constantly fighting over the parking and this will make it sooo much safer. Attached to the market is also a theater which is great for ease of access to arts!

Ramsay/Inglewood

This one i have the BIGGEST crush on. So we see this 2 tier station here? This is because this station is going to be adjacent to an overpass. They've done a lot of work to add murals to this spaces

So spaces like this ^^ but in place of those ANNOYING stairs to get up to this second road there will be a station with an elevator and heated seating and bike parking. Basically letting 2 separated communities having much easier access to each other and exteneral transit as well as the bike paths (seen in the lower photo as well)

Based on estimations they should be done the stations by the end of the summer and then additionally the train should be up and running by 2026 at latest!! Aaaah!!

[lyretheinstrument]

Finished batch one of tfe season 2 and honestlyyyyyyyhhh..,.

(first batch review and opinions)

(cut to avoid spoilers)

it's rough compared to the first season. I genuinely believe it's not the creators fault and they probably got mega rushed and a ton of budget cuts.

This season was definitely more Terran focused and I don't minddd that?? because it is their show. but I do wish legacy characters got a bit of spotlight. I know prowls coming in batch two so I hope he gets a fair share of screentime. again, I know it’s supposed to focus on the Terrans but I feel that if your gonna include the cybertronians can you try to use them a little more ? otherwise don’t have them at all yk /lighthearted

but personal grievances aside for a moment the writing was ROUGH. I know it's a kids show but almost all the episodes felt weirdly paced, awkward, and babyish?? and the animation downgrade doesn't make it any better.

honestly a lot of it was just really distracting and I couldn't really focus on the story. Also the story itself felt kinda, unfocused? idk maybe that's a personal thing as well. I found it kinda hard to get invested. The Terrans I only really like are twitch thrash and nightshade. jawbreaker is fucking insufferable. I’m sorry.

I noticed a lot of the issues in the episodes could have been easily solved. That is NOTT something u want an audience to feel.. a simple communication or action could have easily prevented an issue in an episode. :/

personal grievances back infront IM SO MAD BEE GOT LIKE ZERO SCREENTIME

Optimus episode was cute tho I like it when characters shit on jawbreaker

I don't mind the cons being villains but if you’re gonna have them as villains can you give them more personality and screentime. also a lot of the decepticons felt bland or out of character.

A fun and interesting plot line we could have had (at least in my opinion) is decepticon infighting. It felt bizarre to me that soundwave and shockwave just fell in line when starscream assumed leadership. IDK!! I feel like the three would be arguing over who would be leader?? Correct me if I’m wrong on this I might he looking at this all wrong. </3

honestly I had like zero interest in spitfire and aftermath but at LEAST aftermath had a new design (GLARES AT SHAMELESS TWITCH RECOLOR).

like I’m not even upset that twitch and spitfire have the same/similar alt modes because it works w them being literal parallels of eachother. I’m just mad it’s just a straight up (lowk ugly) recolor. it just doesn’t work for me personally. Especially bc a good redesign could immediately fix a lot of my issues with it. like make her sharper or give her different patterns and adjust the color placement SOMETHING BRO.

that concludes my disorganized ramble for now. I’m excited to see everyone’s thoughts on the first batch of season two and I remain optimistic for the second half :3

side note:

I LOVE YOU BUMBLEBEE I LOVE U SO MUCH AND ALSO IM SOOO HAPPY RAVAGE GOT CONFIRMED AS FEMALE ILY GIRL CAT RAVAGE

[patibato]

[Bitter Sweet Sixteen] 002-A08 - It's All a Series of Coincidences*

Floating in the Seto Inland Sea, made up of many peninsulas and bays, is Shodoshima.

It's characterised as a place rich in nature with a gentle climate where it rarely rains, making it extremely popular as a tourist destination-

An area known as the "Home of Hishio**" houses soy sauce factories and moromi** warehouses, and is also famous as a land of traditional work.

On top of that, it's one of the venues for the "Setouchi Triennale", an art festival held once every three years. …It's an island that also has a strong connection to the arts, you see.

There are many interesting tales about its history, too. Like how it's said that the two gods Izanagi and Izanami created this island-

Or that Kakure Kirishitan*** had apparently been hiding there for a long time… stuff like that.

Kiroku & Muneuji & Nanaki & Akuta: WOOAAAAAAAAAH… sooo cool!

Akuta: Wait, isn't this seriously sick? It was the same for the plane ride earlier, but this is my first time riding a ferry! It's huge and wide and shakes as it moves! It's awesome!

Kiroku: … …It feels… like… we've gone, really… really far.

Nanaki: It's ocean all around. Ah, look. The seagulls are flying side-by-side. There's so many of them.

Muneuji: It's around about noon. They're certainly searching for prey.

Momiji: (Everyone's completely changed from this morning, their eyes are sparkling. …I'm really glad they're enjoying themselves.)

*clickclickclickclickclick*

Ushio: Aargh, the salty breeze is making my hair all sticky. This is the worst.

*clickclickclickclickclick*

Ushio: The ferry's big but there's nothing on it, and it's not like seagulls are rare on the island…

Momiji: (So he says, while taking the most pictures here… He's not honest, huh.)

*beep*

Momiji: Ah, sounds like we're about to arrive!

Momiji: …Oookay, and that's why, starting today, everyone will be staying in this inn we rented out-

Akuta: R-rented out? So we can do whatever we want here!? WOOOOAAAAAHH, NO WAY, I'M GETTING MEGA HYPED!

Momiji: Wait… Akuta-kun, your nose is bleeding! You're getting too excited! Don't move, okay! The tissues should be around…

Akuta: Hey hey, let's go explore the inn right now! Wonder if any places are forbidden!? I'll open 'em up~~~~!

Nanaki: I'll be good with a room on the second floor. Nobody come in, okay? Later then.

Momiji: Come on now! Akuta-kun, calm down! And Nanaki-kun, don't just leave the room at your own convenience!

Ushio: The first floor toilet is mine. Do forgive me for not sharing with others, since we're not at school.

Kiroku: … …

Momiji: Don't be selfish, Ushio-kun! And Kiroku-kun, don't go to sleep yet!

Muneuji: It's like a one-man daycare.

Momiji: You're telling me! There's no sign of things calming down at all!

Ushio: Inflexible teachers are hated, y'know? Don't worry about the rooms. See ya.

Momiji: AAARGH~! I SAID, stop acting at your own con-

Muneuji: Ushio.

Ushio: What?

Muneuji: HUP.

*swish*

*thunk*

Ushio: …Huh?

Akuta: Muneuji grabbed Ushio's hand-

Nanaki: And flipped him over…

Kiroku: …

Momiji: (Amazing. Was that aikido? He quieted the area in one move…!)

Muneuji: …Everyone, recall why we have come here. Our current standing is that we are being exempt from expulsion, and there must have been circumstances surrounding that.

I understand the feeling of excitement at going far away, however if we are lacking in unity we will soon come to face the consequences.

Ushio: …If so, then…!

Why me? Nanamegi was trying to leave the room!

Muneuji: Forgive me. As we are childhood friends, it was easy to throw you safely.

Momiji: (That reasoning's kinda…)

Muneuji: Chief. At this very moment, everyone is too stunned to speak.

Momiji: Ah- thank you! Muneuji-kun! First, to wipe Akuta-kun's face…

Akuta: Mggh.

Momiji: Alright…! Now, let's decide on those room allocations you're all so curious about.

Muneuji: In regards to that, how about we use this to resolve things fairly?

Momiji: This is… paper sumo?

Muneuji: Should anything happen, we can settle it fair and square with this. …And the winner shall receive an appropriate reward.

Akuta: Nice! Sounds fun! No matter who wins, you can't complain~!

Momiji: And the champion is Akuta-kun~! With a frontal crush out at the edge of the ring, what an admirable technical finisher!

Akuta: Hell yeah! Single room get~!

Momiji: Nanaki-kun and Kiroku-kun, since you were the runner-up and tentative third place, are you alright sharing a room?

Nanaki: I'm fine with anyone. We decided everyone other than the winner is going into double rooms anyway.

Rooming with Kinugawa-kun sounds chill, so I don't have any particular complaints.

Kiroku: …

Muneuji: Then I, who didn't participate, shall room with Ushio, who came last.

Ushio: It's enviable how lively you get about paper sumo.

Muneuji: But we played it all the time in the past.

Ushio: That was when I was seriously a little brat!

Momiji: Now that that's decided, take each of your belongings to your respective rooms. Let's reconvene here after a quick break.

(At any rate… that coordinator we asked to show us around the island sure is late… We did talk about meeting at the inn.)

(I'll message him again, if we need to reschedule it might be better to go out and meet him ourselves-)

Ushio: HO-HOGYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!

Momiji: What a bizarre scream…! No, what happened!? Ushio-kun…!

Akuta: What was that!? Has the first murder finally happened!?

Nanaki: I heard a really weird scream.

Kiroku: …?

Muneuji: Was there a bug?

Ushio: Awawawawawa…! Th-there, wook over there…!

Momiji: What's over- huh!?

Momiji: Th-the first murder-!

*I might make a proper post about this later, but now seems like a good time to mention that - while I don't believe there's any official confirmation - all the Day2 chapter titles are almost certainly named after movies, or something relating to them. This chapter, for example, uses a well-known phrase from "The Inugami Family", a movie featuring a corpse found with both legs sticking out of the water (you've probably seen other stuff reference that particular bit too). …Though unfortunately I'm not able to get an official subbed copy of the movie, so the chapter title is still my own translation, as opposed to being a proper reference 🥲

**Hishio and moromi are both related to the process of making soy sauce. I'm not the best at understanding food, so I'll just copy/paste the definitions: hishio is "watery mash left over from making soy sauce", and moromi is "main fermenting mash (in production of sake or soy sauce); unrefined sake or soy sauce"

***Kakure Kirishitan (lit. Hidden Christians) are Japanese Christians who went into hiding due to persecution in the 1600's

****The inn they're staying at is also a real place on Shodoshima, called Otomari Chuzaemon

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Masterlist

[radiorams]

My 2017-18 Mega-con Experience

I got to attend MegaCon in Orlando in 2017 and 2018, and I must say that it was one of the most thrilling events I've ever been a part of. It was much more than I had anticipated when I first arrived, but I went because I love anime and wanted to see some panels and cosplay. It felt like entering a whole new world where people could be themselves without fear of criticism, and it wasn't just a convention. Playing in a Super Smash Bros. tournament was one of the highlights for me. Even though I've always enjoyed the game, it was really awesome to compete live with other fans who share my passion. It was so memorable because of the community, the excitement, and the energy, not just because of the victory. I felt like I belonged because everyone was so fervent, like, "Yeah, these are my people." The merchandise played a significant role in the event as well. I saw a lot of things that I otherwise would not have been able to see, including vintage manga, fan art, limited edition figures, and Japanese imports. Being able to hold that kind of material in your hands as opposed to merely browsing it online has a unique quality. It gave the fandom a more tangible and authentic feel. Naturally, cosplay was very popular and inspirational. While some people dressed to the nines in costumes that were appropriate for the movie, others gave characters their own unique twists by switching genders or combining different styles. It served as a potent reminder that fandom encompasses self-expression and creativity. Everybody there was doing what they were doing and getting praised for it. MegaCon was about more than just being an anime or video game fan; it was about being a part of a community that prioritizes passion and individuality. It was incredible to be in an environment where being "too into" something was truly the norm, in contrast to a society that frequently puts pressure on us to blend in or tone things down. Now that I look back, I see how crucial places like that are, particularly for young people who are still figuring themselves out. I strongly advise attending an anime convention at least once if you haven't already. The energy, the people, and the creativity make it a unique experience, regardless of how much you enjoy it or not. Just being present is enough to demonstrate the strength and positive effects of fandom; you don't even need to cosplay or compete to feel included.

[robin-in-the-library]

hey, I see you, assassin's creed fan who got too passionate about history and now is a Poliziano fan! Do you want some tea? I see that you bought the Francesco Tateo's essay, great work finding one copy on vinted, is a pretty rare book!

Nice to see someone else interested in the matter, although I'm more a Lorenzo de' Medici/Sandro Botticelli/Angelo Poliziano truther (I'm actually interested in all the possible relationship that could have arisen on 15th century Florence, like a super iper mega polyamory with occasional murders).

If you need some help or info about some essays on Poliziano I could help you in case, although I haven’t read about him in three years, but now I'm starting again.

Have a nice week! :)

(sono italiana come reputo lo sia anche te, ma ormai ho preso l'abitudine di scrivere comunque in inglese, nel caso qualcuno con una lingua madre diversa voglia aggiungersi).

Ello! Well, well, nice to meet you! I do have to say that it was kind of, the other way around, in matters of passion — friend got me into ACII because he knows how much of a history nerd I am (and, history student currently), and as for Poliziano, I was studying him for Uni about the time I went through the game again, and it was a series of lovely coincidences that left me with the hyperfixation of the year. And thank you! I had been looking for Tateo’s essay since forever, when I saw one up for grabs I was so excited! Blessed be the university library, though, or I would continue buying books endlessly. Super mega iper polyamory with occasional murders is honestly the best description of 15th Florence I have ever read. Honestly I’m just, picking people in Renaissance Florence (and Milan! Galeazzo Maria Sforza I am staring at you) to shake like a dog toy to survive life. Any reading suggestion is always appreciated (tho it shall probably be put under the pile of history manuals for exams and thesis research that haunts me). Have a nice week as well, twas lovely to start the day with this message!

[axolotlsauce]

okay actually lets talk about switch 2 editions

NUMBER FUCKING ONE: PHOENIX WRIGHT

yes that's right I'm starting with the stupidest one but the one that's the most important to me. I own the switch version of Ace Attorney just for the sake of legally purchasing a copy (also it came with the Great Ace Attorney games), but it can NEVER be superior to the R4'd versions that I have on my DS...

BECAUSE THE DS LETS ME YELL "OBJECTION," "TAKE THAT" AND "HOLD IT" INTO THE MICROPHONE TO MAKE PHOENIX YELL THOSE THINGS IN GAME AND THAT IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE EXPERIENCE

and this is genuinely the thing I'm the most excited about for switch 2's mic yes really. I will not be using gamechat but I truly truly hope that Capcom sees fit to patch in the voice recognition for this game on switch 2. Ideally this would be a patch to the switch 1 version but honestly I would buy this game again for mic support because I'm a sucker.

You know Capcom, you could just do a bundle of all the Ace Attorney collections in one physical gamecard and actually fucking release it in the UK this time. And do that for mega man too. And rerelease mega man 11 without lives-

More games that nobody else is going to bring up because it's my post damnit

FURI. This is one of those games that comes highly reccomended as an indie masterpiece, but turned out just BARELY too demanding for said reccomendation sources to endorse the switch release.

For a while I've been considering buying a scalped and overpriced copy of it's limited run physical release on PS4, because the lengths I go to to avoid just buying digital games on PS4 can be measured in terms of Even More Expensive Than Mario KArt

But, of course, with switch 2 existing soon, it's entirely possible that it'll run flawlessly at 60fps on the newer hardware - maaaaybe this would apply to a backwards-compatible switch 1 edition, but it's also possible that the devs would have to release a performance patch that enables higher frame rates when played on the better console - they also might just release a switch 2 port that would functionally be the PS4 version on switch 2 and work fine. Either way, I WANT TO PLAY THIS THINGGGGG-

The same can be said for Cult Of The Lamb, which was another indie hit which got kind of fucked over by a crappy switch port. I feel like that's genuinely damaged this entire game's popularity to be honest. THis one's more on the buggy side rather than just performance, but still, a game I want ironed out with a switch 2 version that's... playable.

Also RAINWORLD, because I want a PHYSICAL COPY THAT INCLUDES DOWNPOUR, and also that game runs in slow motion sometimes.

Okay that basically does it for games I want switch 2'd just for technical upgrades, now lets talk about JOY CON MOUSE

Basically ANY first-person game, especially ones like Neon White which require you to be pretty hasty while in first person...

You wouldn't THINk that I'd have to specifically bring up minecraft, but, uh, it took them until LAST YEAR to make a version of minecraft specifically for PS5. I mean yeah, why bother if the PS4 version is playable on PS5, but can be sold to a wider audience... but hurry up and give me mouse support in minecraft on console, so I can not play it because why wouldn't I just play the PC version anyway. ...huh.

Okay no but seriously, SUBNAUTICA, that game is way more tolerable with a controller than I thought it would be, but still, I yearn to simply CLICK.

The other half of mouse support is GAMES WHERE YOU'RE CLEARLY INTENDED TO CLICK WHICH NOW GIVE US TOLERABLE MENU OPTIONS, POSSIBLY INCLUDING AN ONSCREEN CURSOR, WHICH REALLY AREN'T GREAT.

I just mentioned subnautica, but I recently started Disco ELysium and OH MY GOD is it obvious that I'm using an analog stick to navigate between things that I would have just moved a mouse over to and clicked on.

I'm FINE with the controller controls in Stardew Valley, but I feel like that similarly could benefit from the mouse option.

I haven't played any of the civilisation games, but they sure look like games that could use the option of mouse controls-

...

WE'RE BACK TO PHOENIX WRIGHT AGAIN AHAHAHAH THERE IS NO GOD

look, these are POINT-AND-CLICK games! the series started out on GBA, and thus there's always been the option of just moving the cursor with the D-Pad, but using JoyCon mice just MAKES SENSEEEEEE

and okay that's baiscally it for 3rd party games.

Yes I'm sure there are more games that run bad that could use the hardware upgrade, yes I'm sure there are more games that could use the mice, but, like... I didn't ever play those games and I don't really care.

Saying "ohh doom eternal uncompromised on switch 2", or "heyy we could get divinity original sin with mice" or "they'll probably get the witcher 3 to at LEAST 720P" is all like... yeah sure, but I don't actually care. Especially when I already own all of those games and won't want to rebuy them. Unlike the other games I mentioned, which I mostly DO also already own, but WOULD rebuy because I'm stupid. Where was I going with this?-

anyway, obviously all that so far was basically just switch 1 games on switch 2, but games that I wouldnt expect to specifically fit into the "switch 2 edition" branding, since that seems to be exclusively for 1st party games. So in that regard:

I am once again hoping that Breath Of The Wild's Switch2 Edition includes DLC. ALSO-

Mario Oddyssey should get the same treatment that Kirby seemingly is. They never made DLC, they never made a sequel, and now they aren't going to ever, so at LEAST rerelease this game with better graphics and, like, three or four new kingdoms...

Mario Kart 8 Deluxe Deluxe. IT WOULD BE FUNNY. (also it annoys me that a game that included all the DLC, got dlc speicfically for it, which was never physically released.)

Captain Toad Treasure Tracker. Yes really. This one is for the mouse support. This is a game about using the touch screen. On Switch. So give it mouse support. Also it got DLC which would be nice to see put onto a cartridge-

okay no I ran out of games to request again.

All of these would cost over £100 and I would throuhgoughly enjoy pirating them in the year 2049.

this post was stupid and I dont know why I made it

[seriouslycromulent]

Fortune Smiling On Me ...

So I just found out about the huge Star Trek convention coming up to NJ next month (Nov 2024), and now I feel so much better about having had to miss out on Electric Con in NOLA last week.

Although I would've loved to have had an excuse to holiday in New Orleans in October, I just couldn't get the funds together for a proper trip to attend Electric Con. However, since Star Trek has always been my first fandom love and I actually live in NJ, the news of this mega convention feels like fortune smiling on me for being a little bit financially responsible.

So now I'm preparing to attend this Star Trek con & geek out without completely breaking the bank. Which shouldn't be too hard given this amazing lineup of guests ...

Anson Mount

Celia Rose Gooding

Cirroc Lofton

Dawnn Lewis (only on Sat)

Doug Jones

Ethan Peck

Eugene Cordero

Gates McFadden

Jeffrey Combs (only on Sat)

JG Hertzler

Jonathan Frakes

Marina Sirtis

Max Grodenchik

Michael Dorn

Michelle Hurd

Tawny Newsome

Todd Stashwick

And that's just the list of folks I really want to see. Plenty more are on the guest list for any other Trekkers who might be interested in geeking out.

But for this nerd, if all I do is buy a General Admission pass and sit in the room watching Q&A panel after Q&A panel, I will be eternally elated. What can I say? I'm a cheap date.

At the moment, I'm still deciding if I want to do just a single-day ticket for General Admission Sat and Sun or a Preferred Seat for Sat and Sun. The difference, of course, would be how far back I would have to sit, and when I get up to go to the restroom I would likely lose my seat. Decisions, decisions.

Either way, I'm sure I'll love every moment no matter what I decide. Because right now, the excitement is reaching Minion-level.

[munimunni]

may dump wahoo::

wow looking back at these pics made me realize that quite a lot of stuff actually happened during may. The first week was finals and boy was that hell. i got sick right at the tail end of it and it fucked over my schedule coz i couldnt get anything done. i had to mega cram my english essays and pulled an all noghter for it. it was due on a saturday and i luckily made it. and then i proceeded to haul my ass to me best friend's house coz i missed her so much and i really wanted to see her and we were both free on that day. it was like a reward hehe. so yeah i basically hung out qith my best friend running almost 36 hours of no sleep. so worth it. Other than the hangout, my main motivators at the start of the month were black butler and eurovision. watching black butler made me feel nostalgic and had me giggling and jumping and i felt alive and like myself again. unfortunately, eurovision was a shitshow. i got my classmates into it but the timing was awful. we would wake up at 3 am just to watch the event live and man was i so disappointed come semis 2. i didnt even bother watching the finals. the disqualification of joost had me hella depressed for like the next two weeks. luckily we had a 2 week summer break during that time so my friend and i were able to stay up for it (id end up sleeping until 2pm). i also played roblox almost every night with my classmates. we mogged at dress to impress. and then i went to my first small scale anime convention with a few of my classmates. it was so fun and i was so hype and aaaaaaa it was amazing seeing soany cool cosplays. we saw people dressed up as the onceler, sans, and even papa emeritus iv. my fav cosplay there was mayuri from bleach. omg i also bought rukias sword for a pretty cheap price. cop fr. currently working on my cosplay of her for the cons and events this october. so excited!! besides that, i also bought a couple of stickers and keychains for my friends hehe. and then some book club stuff. was pretty fun and i loved hearing everyones input. learned some new perspectives. i also got back into watching animes and movies and reading manhwas and regular novels. i feel like myself again (in a sense that im distracting myself again but hey at least im not drowning in my depression). these things are somewhat keeping me sane and alive. i feel fine. i feel good and happy (at least on most days).

[keefiswhoiam]

April 23 - 2024 Tuesday

11:08pm

6.5/10

This morning I gave Sporticus a bath. There was a big spider in the shower the whole time I couldn't seem to wash down the drain but it didn't bother me too much. She shed a TON of hair this time around. I also found out later that she peed in the corner of my room, likely after her bath while I was taking a shower. For breakfast I made a jimmy dean sandwich with rice and a pear cup. I intended on doing my workout today and this was a good breakfast for it calorie-wise. I watch an episode of Moral Orel about Doughy being neglected.

For work I warmed up with sketches of wolves. They didn't turn out as good as others and I found out that their front legs aren't easily simplified. Also that they are very similar to horses at certain joints. Then I spent another hour on the Venus commission coloring the characters. And then I finished preparing my next NSFW YCH.

After work I did my dishes and started my workout. I watched a video of Dan Schneider while I did a few sets of lunges and a couple miles on the treadmill. I found out my knee still hurts, I MAY have to schedule a doctor's appointment for it. Although I haven't given it an opportunity for some good rest so I should probably try to take it mega easy for a couple weeks before asking a doctor. For lunch I made chicken stew. I was aiming to make it rich and spicy but ended up making it too salty somehow, I think too much lemon pepper. It was edible but not that great for the effort. While cooling/eating, TK was messaging me about issues with her boyfriend and how he has a pattern of problematic jealousy. I took her side completely with what she had to say, it sounded to me like he not only had unrealistic expectations but also that he was not communicating the problem very well. It got me thinking a lot in general about jealousy and how the dynamic can change between two people that work well together when they elevate from friends to a relationship. I think nothing SHOULD change if both parties know how to talk and don't develop unrealistic needs.

I did my afternoon work late on account of how long the stew took. I did a request for FY that I think turned out okay and then I got into VRchat to paint from "life". I went to that old world DS and I found with all the hobkin avatars and picked a place to stand that I'm going to copy from. I think it's a great idea because it's basically just a color study and results in a sort of unique result, that being what looks like an uninteresting in-game screenshot but it's actually been hand painted. After that I worked on my avatar for about 15 minutes which was enough time to prepare and bake the AO for the textures. This whole time I was using my good headphones to listen to loud rain with some music and a stream at a lower volume.

When I was done I hopped on the Roblox horse game to catch some horses and check out the training island. DS was free so we called and watched a furry species ranking video while I horse trained and she practiced airbrushing. We also finally watched the fabled balut sausage video which was horrifying, I actually thought I might throw up and had to look away. Then it was more of the usual furry con content and we went on a sidetrack trying to see if any of the footage had her in it. We found about 10 pixels of her at the waterfront in 2022, still an exciting find.

In bed we did our puzzles. The crossword was really hard for some reason and took us a whole 12 minutes. The last 2 only took a little over 1 minute each. Then it was 2 Monster High chapters and I played through the Beast's Castle level in KH2 until I got to the boss. We did a little smash or pass session with the enemies and a few actually got me thinkin a little.

~~~

Today was strange in that for most of it, I really had the desire to be alone but not to be myself. Usually when I wanna do something alone, I'm still trying to express myself. But I didn't want that today, I wanted the influence of others. The happy medium was a little bit of texting. Also since today was about "self", I combined that with my Costar prompt which was "cry over someone else's problems". So during the afternoon I was thinking a lot about TK and DS, putting myself in their shoes thinking about the woes they both expressed today. It felt good, like a helpful empathy exercise.

[rofell]

eeee so excited this little community I'm a part of will be presenting at Ineffable Con tomorrow!!

My gateway into this fandom started on Reddit in Good Omens After Dark, which is a wonderfully depraved place that I highly recommend and is the reason my phone is full of filthy gifs, thank you very much.

But the greatest gift for me has been this micro-community, a small discord server where I can not only work with other writers, collaborate, beta and do the writing that brings me joy - I can also be a weirdo with like-minded weirdos and in the process have learned so much about myself and grown as a human as well as as a writer.

So! If you want to hear more on this theme and the ways we've worked to build community and find a cozy place in this mega-fandom, and how you might do this too, please check is out at Ineffable Con :)

Whickber Street Writers Association is proud to announce that we will present at The Ineffable Con 5 this Saturday! Link to program here We will present live at 1600 BST / 1100 Eastern Time / 0800 Pacific Time. The presentation will be recorded and will be available online after the event. Our presentation is titled: “You Are Not Alone: Empowering fanfic writers and other creatives through micro-communities within the Good Omens mega-fandom”

We will share a bit about our organization and our membership, discuss some useful concepts for building a creative and collaborative community, and share some examples of how this has helped our writers to produce awesome, transformative works. We will reserve time for Q&A to give audience members a chance to ask questions in the spirit of community building. 

Check out our AO3 Collection: Whicker Street Writers to see our fics!

Presenters: @secretlywingedphantom, @ines2925, @azeutreciathewicked.

[halloweenbitch2764]

Please fulfill my NSFW request. Where the S/O have the innocent and kind personality but doesn't know what sexual intercourse is and Slachers Michael, Jason, Brahms, Harry Wander and Pyramid Head were already together for a long time in a relationship with the S/O, to the point of being frustrated by the S/O not repairing or understanding their approach.

Hi! So I don't write for Harry and Pyramid Head *yet* so I'm gonna throw in some other characters instead 💖

Warnings: Pinches of NSFW

Michael Myers

The least subtle of like, anyone

Will just pick you up and throw you onto the bed once he feels the relationship is far enough for him to make his move

He'll start trying to undress you

Which hella confuses you so you grab his wrists

He stops but doesn't say anything

Just tilts his head

"Um, why are you trying to take my clothes off?"

Is stunned for a minute

You had to know what he was getting at. You were just playing dumb.

But he could tell from the look in your eyes that you were genuinely confused

Since he doesn't talk he'll get frustrated because how is he supposed to explain what he wants?

Ends up making the 👉👌 signal with his hands

You picked up on it because immature kids at school had made the signal all the time and then would laugh

You have to explain to him that you didn't know hardly anything about sex

It would frustrate him a bit but excite him more knowing he would be the one to fill you up and take your virginity

He'd end up helping you ;P

Jason Vorhees

100000000% innocent

Was raised that sex was for marriage

And therefore knows absolutely nothing about it

It wasn't proper to talk about

And he felt horrible for even having such thoughts before you two were married

So he wouldn't know how to ask you for what he wanted

He had figured out that he would try to initiate it after arguing the pros and cons with himself

He'd try to be subtle but would end up making it obvious

He'd guide you to the bedroom and set you on the bed

When you didn't argue he was more confident and slightly surprised

But when his hand rubbed against your crotch you squeezed your legs together to tell him to stop

He'd panic inwardly

"W-What are you doing?"

He'd make grunts and point to the best of his abilities to explain what it was he wanted

It might take a while but eventually you'd catch on

You'd be super flustered like him and explain your situation

He'd feel relieved

At least he wasn't the only inexperienced virgin

It would be a learning experience for both of you

Brahms Heelshire

Did someone say horndog?

Has only learned what sex was from books he's read

So he has a very very very VERY basic concept of what it is

Like, he knows where his dick goes and that's about it

So he's fairly innocent as well save for the harlequin romance novels he's read while in the walls

The least subtle motherfucker besides Michael

Once y'all have been dating long enough for him to think it's time, he'll make his move

He'll pin you to the couch one day and you'll feel his erection rub against your thigh

Which confuses you

And he notices the confused expression on your face

He'll tilt his head as if asking what you were confused about

"What are you doing?"

He's stunned

How do you not understand what he's trying to get at?

Will likely end in him throwing a temper tantrum

Because he's a spoiled brat

And you'll have to calm him down and get him to explain what he was trying to do

Then you'll get flustered and embarrassed because you know close to nothing about sex

It'll definitely be a learning experience for you both

Billy Loomis

A big fucking horndog

If you're lucky he'll wait to make his advances until the second or third week you're dating

I know this says after dating a while but lets face it, it wouldn't be a while with him

But he's a teenage boy

He's got his needs

And that's part of what your job was as his S/O

He'd be confused IMMEDIATELY when you broke the kiss instead of going into a make out session when he was trying to initiate one

He wasn't used to people not picking up on him and not trying to get him into the bedroom

So when you broke the kiss and just vibed watching the horror movie he was confused

But you wouldn't knock him off his game that quick

So he would let his hand rest on your thigh

And then it would move up

And soon enough to your inner thigh

You didn't show any reactions to it really

Not like the ones he was used to receiving

There was *maybe* a slight hint of a blush but it wasn't obvious

Now he's mega confused

So he decides a new approach

He becomes more subtle and flirtatious in both his words and in tone

Annnnnnd nothing

He'd continue trying for the next week or so

Then his frustration would boil and he may or may not end up yelling at you, releasing the stress and confusion of the past week

You'd have to explain to him that you hadn't been taught much of anything about sex and was even less aware of the signals he was giving

He would teach you from there if you wanted to learn~

Thomas Hewitt

Is just as awkward about sex as you are, and only not as innocent because of Hoyt

He only becomes comfortable talking about it once you've been dating for a while

The farthest you'd gone was kisses

You'd never even had a make out session

And his hands never left your waist

And as much as he hated it, it wad starting to annoy him

He figured it wasn't your fault that you were so innocent

But he wondered how you hadn't had any sexual urges by now

Didn't everyone? Or most people at least?

He tried bringing it up subtly and prayed you'd catch on

You didn't

Which left him more annoyed

He was never one to come right out and ask about stuff like that

It wasn't polite as he'd learned from Luda Mae

He'd make advances from then on

He'd move his hands down to your inner thighs and to just below your chest

There was no way you wouldn't catch on

Right...?

Wrong

You figured he was just setting his hands where they were comfortable

As much as he absolutely hated it he'd end up going to Luda Mae for advice for how to approach it

He would be the least pushy (besides Jason) and would end up struggling to figure out how to get you to understand what he wanted

[lifetimeshipper]

Love For A Millennia

Genre: Romance

Pairing: Wheeljack x Arcee

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1

---------------

"Alright, chores are done. Now can we do some dune bashing?" Miko questions with joy as she rides on Bulkhead's shoulder, they walk into the control room of the base.

"I don't know, Miko. Last time I spent a week picking sand out of my articulators," Bulkhead told her. "Uh, but there's a monster truck rally in town."

"Optimus, I'm receiving a signal on a restricted band. It appears to be coming from a Starship inside this solar system," Ratchet announced and everyone looked to the monitors. "It's an Autobot identification beacon."

"So there are other bots out there?" Jack asked with curiosity.

"The mass was scattered to the galaxies when Cybertron finally went dark... But 'Cons have been known to bait traps with false beacons," Arcee replied.

"Unknown vessel, this is Autobot outpost to Mega One. Identify yourself," Optimus said to the unknown being.

:: I've had warmer welcomes from the Decepticon combat brigades. :: A voice came over the comm unit. Arcee looked surprised before sadness crossed her features at the sound of the voice.

"Wheeljack!? You old con crusher! What are you doing all the way out here?" Bulkhead exclaimed with joy at the voice of his old pal.

:: Bulkhead? That's you? What's with all the security? ::

"The rock we're on is crawling with 'Cons. How soon can you get here and even the odds?"

:: Sometime tomorrow, if I put metal to the pedal. ::

"Another 'Bot's coming here. How cool is that?" Miko said with excitement.

"Wheeljack, I know him by reputation only. Can you verify his voiceprint?" Optimus questioned as he looked at Bulkhead.

"He is one-thousandth percent the real deal, Optimus," Bulkhead replied with confidence.

Optimus looks at him for a few seconds before looking back at the monitors. "We will send landing coordinates for you, Wheeljack. Safe journey."

"See you soon, buddy. I'll make sure you get a proper welcome," Bulkhead said before looking over to Arcee. He noticed her sad facial expression, "We'll make sure you get a proper welcome, there's one more bot here you know, Jackie."

:: Who? ::

"Hello, Wheeljack. It's been a while," Arcee finally spoke up.

There was silence for a moment before Wheeljack spoke.:: Arcee? You're there too? ::

"Yeah, I'm here too."

:: Well, I'll see you when I get there tomorrow. ::

"Yep."

Wheeljack cut off the communication and Arcee looked down at the floor. Bulkhead watched her, wishing there was some way he could help. He remembers what went on between Arcee and Wheeljack and how they separated. 

He could recall the times when Wheeljack was in agony after their separation, longing to be near Arcee once more, to hold her and kiss her. And now they're meeting up again after all these years, he figured they would be happy but it seems they may need time to take in the thought of seeing each other again.

"I'm going for a drive," Arcee said before she transformed and drove out of the base. Bulkhead just watched her drive out feeling sad and helpless.

"What was that all about? What's wrong with her?" Miko asked feeling confused at what just happened.

"Yeah, Arcee looked like she had just seen a ghost," Jack stated.

"It's Wheeljack," Bulkhead replied. "Wheeljack and Arcee had a thing before the war."

"Really?" Miko asked as her eyes started to glimmer at the thought.

"What kind of thing?" Jack asked.

"A love thing," Bulkhead replied.

"Duh," Miko said looking at Jack like he was stupid. Jack just glared at her.

Bumblebee started beeping, "What happened?"

"I'm not sure if I should tell, Arcee and Wheeljack should be the ones to tell it."

"But neither one of them is here. Come on, Bulk, spill!" Miko exclaimed as she got comfortable on his shoulder waiting to hear the story. The others took a seat ready to hear it, even Optimus and Ratchet sat down wanting to hear the story.

Bulkhead looked around at everyone before taking a seat himself. "Alright, I'll tell you. It was before the war, Cybertron was in the golden age, though was starting to fall apart already. The planet was filled with buildings like houses, workshops, departments, and places where you can get Energon." 

All the bots smiled at the memory of how Cybertron used to be. "The streets were always filled with bots out for drives or running errands, it was a nice time. Wheeljack and I were staying at a training base, we were training to become warriors. There were some minor wars throughout history but the High Council was always able to take control and stop them before anything too serious could happen. 

They set up training camps for those who wanted to learn to fight and be a warrior in case another war broke out. This was when the Wreckers were just coming in, Wheeljack, myself and a few others were the first recruits in. We trained hard every day, but we also had downtimes where we would have fun, the others would go off and find femmes to get with most of the time while Wheeljack and I just stayed at base and kicked back with some High-Grade Energon."

"High-Grade Energon?" Miko echoed in confusion.

"It's like liquor or alcohol in human terms," Bulkhead explained.

"Oh. Why didn't you and Wheeljack go out to find some femmes?"

"Well, Jackie wasn't really much of the type, he didn't see any femme worthy of his time. The femmes he dealt with were all spoiled and full of drama, and Wheeljack wasn't into that, so thinking that all femmes were like that, he didn't mess with them much. However, he did still look for the femme that had what he was looking for in a femme. But he had no luck..."

"Until he met Arcee. How did they meet?" Miko said interrupting Bulkhead. She was getting really anxious to hear about how the two met.

Bulkhead let out a chuckle at the anticipation of the young human, "I'm getting there, Miko. One day, while Wheeljack, the other Wreckers, and I were sitting around drinking Energon and talking, a blue mech walked in. He was well buffed and polished, really top class, turned out he was on the High Council and was Arcee's sire."

"Wait, Arcee's sire was on the High Council? I didn't even know that," Optimus states looking a bit confused. 

"Yes, her father was on the High Council. You should know him, his name was Halogen."

"Halogen, he had a hand in making me a Prime."

"Yep."

"I didn't know Arcee was his daughter."

"His only sparkling. Anyways, he came to our training base looking for Wheeljack..."

XXXXXXXXXX

"I'm looking for Wheeljack!" Halogen announced after walking into the base. He had blue armor with hints of red and light blue optics, he was bulky with a couple of scars showing the battles he's been in.

"That would be me," Wheeljack spoke as he stood.

"I would like to hire you to guard my daughter. Being in a high position I have a big target on me and I fear my daughter is in danger, my mate is no longer around to look after her while I'm away on business. I'm leaving tomorrow to attend a meeting and will be gone for a couple of days, I need someone to look after my daughter and keep her safe."

"With all due respect, sir, I'm no sparkling sitter."

"I'm not looking for a sparkling sitter I'm looking for a guard, trust me she's no sparkling."

"Am I getting paid?"

"Yes, I will pay you 600 credits for two days."

"Sounds like a reasonable amount. I'll do it."

"Good, be at my place first thing in the morning," the elder mech tells him before he gives him the location of his house.

"Alright, I'll be there."

The elder mech took his leave.

"Well, look who landed a nice job," Seaspray spoke out teasingly.

"Yeah, yeah," Wheeljack responded not feeling amused by the joke.

"How do you think this femme looks?" Seaspray asked.

"Could be pretty, could be ugly. She's his daughter so probably a spoiled brat who thinks she can get everything she wants and have it all her way and thinks the world revolves around her, just like all the other femmes I've encountered. I really don't care, to be honest, I just want the credits."

"Yep, I thought so," Bulkhead stated with a soft chuckle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Chapter

[fictionalabyss]

It’s good to be king.

Pairings : Boyking!Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader

Word count : 1,120

Written for : @spnabobingo​

Square : Fear Kink

Warning : Non-con/Dub-con, Mates, Sam gets off on people's fear, hunting, violence, hell hound injuries, sex outdoors, rough sex

Masterlist • Patreon • Ko-fi.

SPN A/B/O Bingo Round 5 Masterlist.

Sam smiled as he walked through the vast forest, his pace slow and careful. He was in no rush. The thrill of the hunt was part of what had him so excited.

He could hear feet pounding against the dirt ahead of him, one set frantic and scared, the other, his hellhound on the hunt. They bobbed and weaved, changing directions here and there, but Sam just kept moving forward, hands in the pockets of his slacks. He knew where this would end.

He’s seen it play out a thousand times in his head, his premonitions, and it always ended the same. The only way this thing could end, and he had all the time and patience in the world to get what he wanted. After all, he was the King of Hell.

You yelped as the snarling and snapping got closer, jumping over a root to keep from tripping. You’d been running for so long, too long, but you couldn’t stop. No where was safe anymore and the damn thing was toying with you, you were sure of it. A hellhound could easily outrun you, you weren’t stupid, so for this thing to still be behind you and not tearing you apart, it had to be messing with you.

You ducked and dodged, weaved in and out ignoring the scrapes from branches and pain in your muscles and feet. Your hand scraped against bark as you swung around a tree and kept running, frantically looking for anything, anything that could help you, even though you knew nothing would.

You had never been so scared in your life.

Suddenly, you were falling, your face and hands slamming into the dirt. You can feel the hound over you, a massive paw on your back, claws scraping against your skin. In a last ditch effort to survive just a little longer, you scramble out from under it, your shirt ripping as the claw scraped at your back, a sting following the sensation as skin breaks and a little blood trickles down. You scramble to your feet, desperate to get away as you glance back at the hulking beast watching you with a snarl on its lips and cloth between it’s claws.

“Go.”

You aren’t sure where the command comes from, but as you start running again, the hound surges forward, slamming your body against a tree.

Before you can fall, there's a hand around your throat, holding you up and against the tree. You look up into hazel green eyes with so much terror as he smirks down at you.

“You really thought you could get away from me?”

“S-Sam-”

He cut you off pressing his lips to yours hard. “You shouldn't have done it.” he mumbled, his lips moving down your neck where he bit at your skin and you screamed in pain. “You shouldn’t have tried selling your soul to save me. You should have known I’d be the one to come for you.”

“T-this isn’t you.”

Sam laughed. “Oh, my sweet little Omega, this is exactly me. You scared?” The hound behind him snapped at your leg, and you jumped, making Sam’s smile widen. He pushed himself harder against you, making you feel the way his cock throbbed in his slacks as he took in a deep breath to breath you in. “Fear smells so good on you, sweetheart.”

“Please..”

“You always were good at begging for me, weren’t you?” Sam smiled, his thumb coming up to pull on your bottom lip. His free hand undid his slacks, pulling his cock free. “Again.”

“Sam, please, stop this.” you cried. He gripped your jeans in both hands and tore them apart, leaving you bare to him with denim hanging around your ankles. You yelped again. “Please, Sam, don’t-”

You were cut off by Sam thrusting into you without warning, a scream being ripped from your lungs as your injured back scraped along tree bark. Sam lifted you, your thighs quick to wrap around his waist as he fucked into you hard and rough. “Still so wet for me, huh?” he teased. “You can say you don’t want it all you want, ‘mega, but I know you. I know you better than anyone.”

“Sam.” you breathed out, arms wrapped around his neck.

“You missed it, didn’t you?” Sam nosed at your shirt collar, he knew what lay beneath it, the mark he’d given you long ago when he claimed you as his, long before he became this person.

“Yes.”

Sam pounded into you, you winced with each thrust forward, feeling the bark biting into your black and blood running down. It hurt, not just your back, or limbs from running, but your pussy. Despite the pool of slick he pulled from you, he was brutal, he was hitting deep and hard and it had you crying in pain. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you held on to him desperately and let him have his way.

Before long, his knot began to swell, the slapping sound of it battering at your pussy was loud in your ears and you wondered how far the sound would carry. If someone happened to be in the woods, a ranger, a hunter, would they hear? Would they even help, or would they die like you were sure you would as soon as Sam finished.

Sam thrust up again, harder than before and it felt like you were being ripped apart. You screamed as his fully inflated knot forced its way inside you, your head going back against the tree, and Sam pulled at the collar of your skirt and bit into your skin near your collarbone, making your scream louder and longer.

Before you were even fully adjusted to the size of his knot inside you, he pulled out, pulling another scream from you before he let you collapse to the ground, sobbing.

“Run.”

“What?” you looked up at him, confused.

Sam was tucking himself back into his slacks, not even looking at you as he repeated the command. “Run.”  You looked from him, to the hound who’d sat not even two feet away watching the whole assault. “RUN!”

Dirt kicked up as you rushed to your feet and started running, tripping over scraps of your jeans, too afraid to stop and get them off.

Sam watched quietly as you ran as fast as you could manage away from him. His cock stirring back to life as he smelt the fear mixed with slick in the air as you disappeared from his sight. “Hunt.”

With that one word, his hound sprang forward and gave chase. A satisfied smirk reached his lips as he tucked his hands back into his pockets and started to follow.

“It’s good to be King.”

*If you like this, please consider supporting my work*

Tagging :  Sam -  @evyiione  @hoboal87​

SPN -  @sandlee44  @just-another-busy-fangirl  @mrswhozeewhatsis   @deanandsamsbitch  @deans-baby-momma  @thebescht @67-chevy-baby @supraveng   @musiclovinchic93 @holyfuckloueh  @ksgeekgirl   @hobby27 @maddiepants  @roxyspearing @onethirstyunicorn    @fandom-princess-forevermore​     @kalesrebellion​   @deanwanddamons​   @thoughts-and-funnies​

All tags - @sorenmarie87 @artemisthebadger @winchesterprincessbride @iflostreturntosteverogers @akfonkin @rebelminxy @foxyjwls007 @onethirstyunicorn @shaelyn102 @supernaturalenchanted  @kazkingdom   @babypink224221  @emoryhemsworth    @ilovefanfic86  @pie-with-hunters   @anaelsbrunette @lazinessisalliknow  @feelmyroarrrr  @letsdisneythings   @cdwmtjb8​   @notyourtypicalrose  @xostephanie @ilovedeanspie @defenderrosetyler​ @amandamdiehl​

[axolotlsauce]

Oh, starting off strong with Mario Kart 9. you know... again. Going for a cowboy vibe.

At least that skybox really does look appropriately next-gen now.

Ahahahah oh wow, they're ripping of Sonic And All Stars Racing Transformed! Except they already introduced gliding and underwater driving in 7, so this is kind of just an aesthetic change!

Ohhhh right before I say "well this doesn't look THAT much better than 8" they show me the most delicious looking water I've ever seen in a game. that one miiverse guy must be rolling in his grave. I don't know why he'd be dead. or why he'd be rolling in his grave out of happiness... anyway

Oh this mario kart game is Jet Set Radio now? Did sega finally hire that man, and then nintendo hired sega? MEGA MUSHROOM POWERUP IS BACK?

HAMMER BRO IMPLIES CHARACTER EXLCUSIVE ITEMS/ABILITIES???

ARE THOSE TRACK-SPECIFIC POWER-UPS? WITH COSTUMES?????

THE STUPIDEST TITLE I EVER COULD HAVE POSSIBLY IMAGINED??? ALSO THE FIRST MARIOKART GAME TO HAVE AN INTERESTING SUBTITLE IN 20 YEARS?

...Well, that was a thouroughly exciting look at a videogame which we all knew would exist and be good since before this console was announced, and that everyone would have pre-ordered in 2017 if nintendo had let us.

The music's really good.

Putting it out there: that game's ditching the cart customization. also, world map, maybe? They're clearly only teasing us with that game's features right now. Probably because... do they REALLY have to sell us on MarioKart?

Oh, never fucking mind, they're going more in-depth now. I need to stop pausing the video to write this.

Okay, they havent mentioned release date yet. I'm getting the vibe that the big fat closer is going to be the announcement of a Killer-App kinda exclusive as a launch title, and they'll announce its release date at the same time that they announce that it's a launch title, thus indirectly announcing the console's release date. mario kart will also be a launch title but they won't say a date until the end.

See, I know everything. Unless I'm wrong.

Between Switch 2 and Mario Kart World, it's starting to seem like this is the nintendo generation where they just name their products in the way that fake leaks and rumours name the nintendo products they pretend to be revealing.

Holy shit they are interconnected! what do you mean drive virtually anywhere. Oh no... this track design will either be the best ever or the worst ever.

OH RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA THEY DID EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED!!! WHO CARES IF IT LOOKS BETTER THAN 8! IT'S WAY COOLER TO PUT THAT NEW HARDWARE JUICE INTO RUNNING FLAWLESSLY WITH 24 DRIVERS AND HAVING NEW POSSIBILITIES IN THE GAMEPLAY! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

NEW ROSALINA OUTFIT

FREEEE ROOOOOOAAAAAAAAM Free? I think you mean "still costs $60 in 2033."

DINO DINO JUNGLE!!!!!!

Why does this announcer sound like he's only 90% of the way through puberty. is that just me? it's something about his voice. anyway this game looks like the most "fan idea for a mariokart game" ever. It's going to be awesome. It's kind of stupid that even mario kart is open-world now. it's also awesome. WAIT IS THIS THE VERSION OF WII SPORTS RESORT I ALWAYS WANTED? DOES THIS FUFILL THE DREAM OF ALL THOSE CHILDREN WHO DROVE TO PEACH'S CASTLE IN MARIO KART 64? IS THIS THE CULMINATION OF NINTENDO MAGIC? IS IT AWESOME?

How many tracks are in this game? I feel like consumers will expect more than 32 since so many people bought 8 deluxe without ever playing 8.

AHAHAHAHAH IT IS A LAUNCH TITLE! AND THEY DID CONFIRM THAT WITHOUT SPECIFYING A DATE! THE SHARINGAN CAN SEE INTO THE FUTURE"!!!!! MY UNCLE DOES WORK AT NINTENDO!!! !HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHH! POWER!!!!!

Joy-Con 2 controllers? this is an amazing day for the practice of creative names.

At least we'll finally learn the secret of the c button. WAIT NO THE C STOOD FOR SECRET! PHONETICALLY!

seamless transition into the reveal of a game that uses whatever gimmick this- NEW LOGO YIPEEE!!! THEY'RE KEEPING THE JOYCON SNAP BRANDING AND MADE A NEW ANIMATION WHERE THEY SNAP TOGETHER HOROZONTIALLY INSTEAD OF SLIDING DOWN YES THIS SECRETLY WAS MY BIGGEST QUESTION ABOUT HTIS

IT'S JUST VOICE CHAT????? THE ENTIRE FANDOM SPENT MONTHS HYPING UP A BUTTON THAT ACTIVATES VOICE CHAT??????????????>??? COME ON

anyway that's cool I suppo-

microphone.

they're talking. into microphone. for voicechat. but we do not see microphone. they do not wear the gamer headsets. does that mean-

BUILT IN MICROPHONE ON THE NITNENDO SYSTEM BABYYYYY! WEEE ARE SO BAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA TRANSFER MY VIRTUAL GAME CARD OF PHOENIX WRIGHT OVER TO SWITCH 2 SO CAPCOM CAN PATCH IN MY MICROPHONE SUPPORT IM GONNA YELL OBJECTION IN PUBLIC LIKE IT'S 2009!!!!!!!

i need you to know I DONT use caps lock. whenever I have an allcaps paragraph like that I AM holding shift the ENTIRE time and i ALWAYS have to go back and retype numbers because ill typo 1 as ! doing it this way. anyway yeah voice chat I guess.

This is gonna be antoher classic "i paused it before they announce the thing im speculating about" moment. watch. they'll eithr confirm or deny a built in microophone as soon as i press play.

GAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA I LITERALLY CALLED IT THEY SHOWED ME A SHOT OF THE MICROPHONE RIGHT AWAY- next to the GAMECARD? uhh... that mic does NOOOOOT look like it can pick up the kind of audio quality we'rehearing in this trailer even in handheld mode, let ALONE when it's docked a good ten feet away from the player. or whatever distance you people put your TVs from your sofas, I don't fucking know, I play nitnendo switch sitting on the floor in my bedroom. my family watches tv sitting on the floor in front of the TV. we're all goddamn animals.

AHAHAHHA IT HAPPENED AGAIN THE SECOND I UNPAUSE THE NARRATOR IS INSISITING THAT IT CAN PICK UP MY VOICE CLEARLY EVEN FROM A DISTANCE AHGAHAHHAHA

Born: 2008 Died: 2008

Welcome back Wii Speak

i think i did that meme wrong

AHAHAHAHAH THE SCREEN SHARING FEATURE IS SO BLATANTLY TERRIBLE IT'S RUNNING AT LIKE 4 FRAME SPER SECOND AHGHHGHHG

why does everything they say while playing mariokart sound vaguely suggestive. this feels like a Kaguya Sama joke. a specific one.

I'm so glad nintendo invented discord. can i have another game reveal please. i thought THIS would be a game reveal but it's just more magikarp.

MAGIKARP WHU DID I WRITE MAGIKARP INSTEAD OF MARIOKART

that's it. no more typing for the rest of the voice chat segment.

I lied. but ttheres a CAMERA-

I don't actually care about the camera. Simulataniously dissapointed and glad that it isn't built in. I hope they bundle it in with a hilariously gimmicky game that uses it. or a remaster of warioware snapped.

my real question is, was that mario party thing a mockup of what it could look like, or are they going to add support to older games?

AHAHAHHAHAHAH IT REQUIRES NINTENDO SWITCH ONLINE? oh wait. it's. it's voicechat. of course it does. im stupid. Oh hey the camera plugs into the top charging port! THAT'S what it's for! it's like amurder mystery is being solved right in front of me.

...how fucking long have I spent listening to them explain VOICE CHAT TO ME? SHOW ME PIKMIN 5

DOWNLOAD PLAY?

why did they rebrand it to game share?

THEY BROGUHT BACK NINTNEDO DS'S DOWNLOAD PLAY! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH FINALLY THE SEQUEL TO THE YEAR 2006!!!!!!!

a limited number of games that use this feature and you chose to make big brain academy one of them. This is cool! these are all features that I might never use because I never play games online and barely encounter other switch-owners, but it's still NEAT!

ouguhahahgh... yes nitnendo.... shwo me more delicious water graphics on switch 2's bigger screen.... yeshhh... more waves... the ocean is good graphics... with "the same thciknes..".. fehghtugbierhgdfrehriduehfugrdfuirdhgiuh

YOU HEAR THAT? THE SYSTEM'S THICKNESS REMAINS THE SAME!!!!!

I laughed out loud when they chose the most pixelated image in the world to represent the switch 1's screen. ACCURATE. anyway double the resolution definitely seems to fit with the rumours of PS4-level hardware. I dont know enough about this shit to know if double 720p is 4k. It... isn't is it? i mean there's no way they'd put a 4k screen on this thing.... they literally JUST told me it's 1080p. am I okay.

120 frames per second? and the graphics seem to imply that this will be patched into mario wonder, and thus likely other old games too? that's neat. Now we have a higher frame rate ceilling for games to drop from because it's nintendo switch

I wish I knew what HDR is.

the joycons seem to just be generally improved... oh hey it's the mouse functionality that everybody already knows about! I cannot WAIT to see how nintendo gimmicks the hell out of this one! It's gonna be another wii-pointer DS-tocuhscreen thing wherre they start of gimmicky and then within a few years everyone will just put in the boring but functional applications that aren't exciting but do make games a lot better.

PATCH MOUSE SUPPORT INTO SUBNAUTICA PLEASE. Actually just... every game on switch 1 that was on PC first. Actually... maybe patch it into every first person game on the console... OH HELL DOES THIS MEAN WE'RE GONNA GET MORE PORTS FROM PC??? CMON GIVE ME FALLOUT 2, GIVE ME THE SIMS 4, GIMME DEUS EX, ANNOUNCE CREATURES EXODUS FOR SWITCHH 2

I've kind of always thought that the joycon 2 mouse controls look... really really uncomfortable. WAIT A SECOND IS THIS INCOMPATIBLE WITH MY FLOOR SETUP??? DO I NEED A MOUSEPAD?>?? FOR MY FLOOOOOR????

it's so like them to show us the MarioKartWorld character selection screen while showing us the stand.

It looks bad. But hey, the stand will actually be GOOD now! can you IMAGINE THAT?

I always find it funny when they try to demonstrate stuff like superhigh resolution or surround sound audio and it doesn't come across because im watching on a laptop that doesn't have those features

TWO HUNDERED GIGABYTES OF INTERNAL STORAGE I AM IN HEAAAVEEEEEEEEN - rhytm heaven groove, releasing on nintendo switch.

nervous about this... it could indicate, like, a heavier focus on digital games, or that games might have to be installed like on PS4 now... I'm really more eager to learn about what kinds of sizes the gamecards come in. But still! a default size of 250-something gigabyttes is good! it's also probably completely essential if this thing really is going to be getting PS4 games released on it!

I can already smell how many Download-Codes-In-Boxes are about to release... ugh.

AHAHHAHA OF COURSE THE DOCK OUTPUTS IN 4K!! NINTENDO IS GIVING THE FANS EVERYTHING THEY EVER WROTE FAKE LEAKS ABOUT! I DONT OWN A 4K DISPLAY THIS MEANS NOTHING TO ME!

I don't like the emphasis they're putting on compatible switch 1 games being playable on switch 2. I hope that just means that, like, two specific games aren't available like on PS5, but we could end up saddles with the stinky-ass xbox-360 style backwards compatability where less than half the library is supported. If that ends up happening... well, my original switch isn't going anywhere.

WAIT SHIT WHERE AM I GONNA PUT THE SWITCH 2 IN MY GAMER SETUP? THERE ISNT ANY MORE ROOM ON MY FLOOOOOR

what do you MEAN it "Isn't simply an imprvoed nintendo switch." that is the dictionary definition of what I just saw. ESPECIALLY in comparison to the differences between nintendo systems in the past.

I guess that attitude means I can be assured that they'll be exactly as gimmicky as I'd like them to be...?

FINALLY A GAME REVEAL. NEARLY A THIRD OF THE PRESENTATION BEFORE I SEE A GAME I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT.

they're promissing that this is going to be the hardware show case for the console. i cant wait to play 1-2-3 switch.

THE MOUSE CAN COMBINE ITS POWER WITH THE GYRO CONTROLS? this is going to be the best game console ever made. also possibly the last game console ever made.

It's pretty cute that they're releasing a playable demonstration of the console's capabilities. It's weird that they're charging for it. At least the digital-only release implies that it's cheap...? cmon guys sony can give us astro's playroom for free and you can't give us a tech demo pre-installed...?

GAMECARD CONFIRMED!!! SHOW ME 1TB... just kidding. BUT SERIOUSLY SHOW ME 120 GB MAXIMUM ON THESE BAD BOYS YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO- why is it red.

I hope it tastes spicy this time!

THEY DIDN'T TELL US THE GAMECARD CAPACITY

Oh boy only fancy pants special microsd cards work. they're talking a big game about fast data reading speeds. are they trying to keep up with the PS5 ultra-fast SSD kinda stuff? will RatchetAndClank RiftApart be a launch title?

I mean... sure. faster loading is always nice. and it's probably necessary... and since it seems to be implied that it's the same faster speed on the gamecards, that probably means no installations for physical games!

NOOOO YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME THE LAUNCH DATE IS JUNE FIFTH! YOU WERE MEANT TO DROP THAT AS A DRMAATIC BOMBSHELL IN THE TRAILER FOR SUPER MARIOO GALAXY 3 AVAILABLE WITH THE LAUNCH OF THE SWITCH 2 SYSTEM!

okay time to open a callender and find out when june actually is.

oh okay. Like two months. Sure.

I'm never gonna fucking finish that switch 1 full review video in time for that AM I

"On nintendo switch 2 you can play three types of games. the first is switch 2 games."

funny sentence! time for my classic "pausing the video to predict stuff that could be learned by watching the video."

obviously the next type is just switch 1 games. Oh, I'm sorry, compatible switch 1 games. gotta cover our bases.

possibilities for option 3:

anticlimactic possibility is switch 2 editions of switch 1 games which they will argue are technically neither switch 1 games nor switch 2 games. Technically that would be true, but I would still consider that only 2.5 types of games.

hilariously lame possibility is mobile games. Most likely select nintendo mobile games like Mario Kart Tour or Pokemon Go.

Genuinely cool possibility is PC games and/or games from your steam library. I mean, they HAVE MICE NOW, right?

Sad possibility is gamepass. this is also probably one of the most likely options. It would also fit with everybody's theories coming true, and the direction microsoft has taken XBOX.

wild card possibility: DS games. All of them. ALL OF THEM

redundant possibility: older nintendo systems, either through some new virtual console service or just more of Nintendo Switch Online. I refer to this as redunant because if this is what they announce then... what did they actually ANNOUNCE. maybe we''ll get gamecube. maybe I'll unpause the video.

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH! I CALLED IT! BUT THIS TIME I CALLED IT BY PREDICTING BASICALLY EVERY INDIVIDUAL THING IT COULD HAVE BEEN! BUT AAAALSO IT WAS THE FIRST THING I PREDICTED! THAT MEANS I WIN!!!!!!!!

oh boy the other thing everybody expected: switch 1 games with simple upgrades for switch 2. like playstation did. wow imagine that. I was kinda hoping that most switch 1 games would just run better on switch 2 by default...? I guess that'll probably be the case. Like PS5.

how much are they going to charge for these?

HAHAHHAHA YES THEY ARE JUST PUTTING PS2 EYETOY GAMES INTO MARIO PARTY WITH THE SWITCH CAMERA! I'M SORRY I EVER DOUBTED THAT THIS COMPANY WOULD PLEDGE THEMSELVES TO THE GIMMICK GODS

i sure am glad i didnt buy the version of mario party jamboree that's about to be made totally irrelevant by its next gen upgrade

Oh I see, it basically is like PS5, where the next gen upgrade just costs a bit. it's basically DLC.

Oh boy, the ZELDA REMASTERS! I had this one spoiled by my youtube reccomendations while navigating to the direct!

cmon cmon, million rupee question...

WELL THEY HAVENT TOLD ME IF IT COMES WITH DLC BUT APPARENTLY I CAN USE MY REAL LIFE SMARTPHONE TO GET A GPS TO USE IN HYRULE THAT'S TOO FUCKING FUNNY WHYYYYY

OH COME ON, I HAVE TO BUY THE SWITCH 2 EDITION OF TEARS OF THE KINGDOM TO BE ABLE TO SHARE MY BUILDS? or, more accurately, download other people's builds, i never make anything cool in that game- am I going to have to use the switch 2 camera to scan QR codes...? oh wait no this uses my phone as well

THEY DIDN'T FUCKING TELL ME IF THE SWITCH 2 EDITION OF BREATH OF THE WILD WILL INCLUDE THE DLC!!! THATS GONNA AFFECT MY CHOICe TO BUY IT DUMBASSES!!!!!

you know what else will affect my choice to buy it? YOUR MOM no seriously are they going to charge full price for these games?

It's funny that I'm finally old enough that I'm having to deal with nintendo's rerelease habits in a fun new way: they're basically the same as they've always been, but now I've been a nintendo fan long enough that I actually own the games that they rerelease like breath of the wild or donkey kong country returns, and have to fully comprehend how overpriced their rereleases are. Also I have access to other consoles with normal prices now.

I dont have a LOT of hope for the company that sold mario tennis for £50, but i do HOPE that these new versions will be around the £20 range. And give us discounted nintendo selects versions of all the old switch 1 games! they... they can't just KEEP selling those at full price while new switch 2 games come out at that SAME price, right...? oh no I just touched the monkey's paw didn't I... we still don't know if swtich 2 games will cost more than switch 1 games... in fact, they kinda just aren't mentioning price at- HEY LOOK KIRBY

Once again, sure am glad I didnt pay full price for Kirby and the Forgotten Land right before a better version was announced!! I know SOME PEOPLE did though... because they're the ones who outbid me on ebay. HAH

You know what, compared to the Nintendo we know, and compared to PS5 upgrades frankly, it's pretty cool that these switch 2 editions do seem to be adding some DLC-tier content- IS THIS WHY ODYSSEY NEVER GOT DLC??? ARE WE ABOUT TO SEE AN ODYSSEY REMASTER WITH ADDED KINGDOMS>??????

oh look at that, Metroid Prime 4 is cross gen, exactly as everyone predicted. Welcome back Twilight Princess.

Yeah i am NOT playing that game on switch 1. MOUSE CONTROLS AND BETTER GRAPHICS oh god damnit I just realised I'm never going to want to play any game that has mouse controls on any mode other than docked. Did none of you guys test how it would feel to play this console on a train, guys? oh well.

WAIT HOLD ON MOUSE CONTROLS IN PIKMIN SOUND THE ALARMS- no it wasnt actually revealed, I just only now thought of it as a concept.

POKEMON- uuuugh I HATE YOU ROTOM PHONE! I HATE YOU! GIVE US ANY OTHER METHOD OF CROSSING GAPS! OR AT LEAST HAVE LIKE A CUTE LITTLE HELICOPTER CONTRAPTION WHICH ROTOM POSSESSES TO LET US FLY ACROSS!!! LIKE I DONT MIND HAVING A ROTOM COMPANION TO DO STUFF LIKE THAT THATS CUTE BUT I DONT LIKE THE PHONE! THE PHONE CAN GO TO HELL!

anyway legends ZA will get a switch 2 edition. Great, I cant wait to wait slightly longer to play it. And here I was on camp "it wont be cross-gen" just because I remember B2W2 being distinctly not 3ds games. Oh well, makes sense. I'm a little shocked that they didn't decide to ditch the switch 1 version honestly... like think about that, they resisted the temptation to put an exclusive pokemon game on their new console within the first few months. we should give them the one ring and see what happens.

FINALLY A REAL GAME ANNOUNCEMENT THAT ISNT MARIO KART OR A PAID TECH DEMO! EXCEPT IT TOTALLY IS A GIMMICKY TECH DEMO BECAUSE IT USES THE MICE I DONT CARE I WANNA EAT GIMMICKS JUST SHOW ME P)LEAAASESHEUF AUUUUGH

i knew this would happen. I never suspected it would be so soon. they were the only ones brave enough to make a game using two mice at once.

Oh boy, wheelchair rocketleague. No problem with the concept, but it's clearly a game focused on online multiplayer so I dont give a single fuck. I guess this is this console's version of ARMs.

it kinda looks tragically boring... ah well.

IT'S PRONOUNCED DRAG AND DRIVE? WHY DID YOU SPELL IT DRAG X DRIVE WHATS WRONG WITH YOU-

THIRD PARTTY GAME TIME!!!!!! OH BOY TIME TO SEE WHAT PS4 GAMES CAN COME OUT- WAIT NO. XBOX ONE GAMES. FIRST PARTY XBOX ONE GAMES! THat's my prediction... wait no,there, uh... aren't any of those. in the world. they dont exist. microsoft hasnt published exclusive games since 2012.

fine. in that case I predict... Fallout. ...I guess that would also be a microsoft-publiushed game now...

ELDEN RING??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

EL

DEN

RING

ON

SWITCH

TWO

BABYYYYYY

AND IT'S "TARNISHED EDITION" WHICH MEANS IT COMES WITH DLC THAT'S A BIG FUCK YOU TO THE SHADOW OF THE ERDTREE EDITION FOR PS5 THAT CAME WITH A DOWNLOAD CODE FOR THE DLC HELL YEAAAAAAAAH

Okay, either this game basically PROVES that the game cards are big enough, since it's the 60gb base PS4 game plus the 16gb DLC (assumption) - ooooor it's the end of my goddamn life and one of the biggest-deal games on the system comes out as a digital-only release. IT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY THE STORAGE IS BIGGER ON THE CONSOLE considering I dont think even the OLED switch can hold elden ring without an SD card.

anyway. I'll say it again: I SURE AM FUCKING GLAD I DIDNT BUY ELDEN RING RIGHT BEFORE A BETTER VERSION CAME OUT

ELDEN RING ON SWITCH 2!!! YIPPEEE!!!! I'm gonna be goddamn ECSTATIC if it DOES turn out to be a physical edition that includes the DLC on a cart! AHAHAHAHAH GET FUCKED PLAYSTATION I DONT NEED YOU ANYMORE! SWITCH 2 IS THE LAST HEIR TO THE GAME CONSOLE THRONE!!!!!!!

HADES 2???

I mean... cool. We already knew about this game... I'd forgotten it was coming out, but I knew about it! and obviously it would have released on switch 2. Still, it's NEAT! And it's also great to see nintendo put a popular indie sequel into this direct! haha!

Silksong.

OH MY GOD WHAT IF SILKSONG IS THE CLOSING STINGER GAME? that wont happen.

haha. stinger. bugs. hornet. heheheh. we've been watiign for this game for nearly a full decade.

I still believe that it'll be a switch 2 launch title.

mostly i just kinda forgot how LONG it's been since I first played Hades... CAPCOM HELLO

Oh boy, street fighter 6... objectively the capcom game I give the LEAST shits about seeing on switch 2. Oh well, it's not like they WON'T also release the games I'm more interested in... it's CAPCOM. capcom on nintendo is like butter on bread.

AMIIBO CARDS STILL EXIST??? WHAT oh and amiibo figures for street fighter 6. that's pretty cool!

Oh, and this is a launch title too. that's nice for people who care!

Next up is a game ive NEVER FUCKING HEARD OF BEFORE! I flashed through like 5 different possibilites, including anthem and xenoblade x. it's a very Daemon Ex Machina kind of game. I'm sure it will be... a game featuring giant robots-

OH FUCKING WAIT I thought that was the game's title drop... but actually i think United Earth Coalition is just the name of a group in the game...

AHAHAHAHHAHAHA IT IS A DAEMON X MACHINA GAME!!!!! AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHGGHGSGGFH MY CLARIVOYANCE IS TOO MUCH EVEN FOR ME TO BARE!!! SHHAWHFHFHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

is this the game's reveal? that's- oh well I guess the first one was a switch exclusive, so it makes sense...

Oh hey, split fiction is coming out on switch! I NEVER cared about these kinds of games because I know im never going to be able to play an entire game in coop with a specific other person for the whole time. it sounds nice, but its not likely to happen.

Oh boy, EA Sports is on switch 2. I GET IT, they're very popular games that they have to advertise. But, like... you know what, im wasting my own time. they kept the Fifa/Madden reveal mercifully brief for a reason and here I am talking about it when they'll probably reveal Cold Fear 2 next

...I should have fucking stayed in FIFA.

ugh... I'm not gonna hold it against nintendo that they're putting the harrypotter game in the direct. it's just like... im doing it again. i dont have to comment on this MOVE OOOOON okay really though it's not even an exciting reveal. this game is ON SWITCH YOU GUYS

I swear to fucking PISS, If they announce The Witcher 3 I WILL shit myself-

yeah yeah tonyhawk proskater we've all seen it- SPONGEBOB? MOTHERFUCKING SPONGED BOB IN MY PRO SKATER??? HELOOOOOO??????

I haven't commented on the physical/digital-ness of any of these since elden ring since... I forgot to because the games weren't exciting. I guess street fighter 6 will also be an impressive showcase of gamecard capacity... lemme see how big it is. Have I mentioned that the way I look up game filesize is to just look on ebay and find a listing that has a picture of the back of the box? it's easier than any other way I've found so far. Oh, it's only 40gb. you could probably shred that down to fit on a 32gb switch 1 gamecard. Assuming that they didn't reduce filesize, I guess it WOULD be above the maximum for a physical card on switch 1 then...

anyway my point is, this game is gonna require an internet download because its activision and they did that for the previous tonyhawk game too. and spyro. havent forgiven them for spyro.

Oh damn it's Hitman World Of Assassination! It's so FUCKING confusing trying to understand this game series and which games are which and which have what content... but HEY! It's COOL! especially since hitman was a CLOUD version on switch 1.

since owning a Playstation, seeing ps4 games come out on switch now registers in my brain as "Oh boy, a physical copy of that game that i dont need to install onto my console's SSD", in addition to the baseline "oh neat I can play that on the train."

Release xcom enemy unknown you fuckers. thats not gonna be in this direct and it also isnt relevant. I just want that game on switch 2.

Oh neat hitman's a launch title... they're announcing ANOTHER GAME? I didnt even know that this company had more than one franchise! I didnt know that they had even one franchise! who the fuck is IO interactive...?

WAIT NO WAY

IT COULDN'T BE

JAMES BOND?

THE MUSIC! THE GUN BARREL!

IT'S THE LONG-AWAITED SEQUEL TO 007 NIGHTFIRE ON THE GAMECUBE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or... the concept of that game existing, anyway. ew, it's being developed by amazon? am I reading that right?

IS THAT FUCKING KINGDOM HEARTS FOUR???

DID THEY JUST FORCEFEM SORA???????

oh never mind. it's bravely default.

....anyway. oh hey another launch title! that's starting to mean less and less to me. Still, i actually wanna play it. good remaster. have a treat.

YAKUZA YEAAAAAAAAH

yaaaaaaaaay a definitive edition of Yakuza Zero! I'm glad it wasnt LikeADragon- oh now I'm realising that all of these games are going to be much more expensive than they are on Playstation. because Nintendo. UUUUGH COME ON AM I GOING TO HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN CHEAP GAMES AND CONVENIENT GAMES? YOU CANT DO THIS TO MEEEEEEE

Oh hello, they're interrupting the 3rd party reveals to give us a second-party reveal? and it's implicitly a new game? OHHHH THIS COULD BE ANYTHING

what if it's silksong?

,,,

Hyrule Warriors is KIND OF like silksong....

i cant believe the reveal of a new nintendo franchise game is a DIP in excitement compared to the 3rd party port reveals. I'm tired all of a sudden.

at least it's another cool concept just like age of calamity... playing as zelda in the imrposonign war! yeah!

so... so very very tired suddenly...

Cool concept. I didn't even finish tears of the kingdom, Im NOT playing this. wait, nintendo, is this your holiday title this year? Hyrule Warriors 3?

I really love the TOTK main theme. BWA BWA BWUHBWUHBWAAAAAAAH

oh boy some news about nintendo switch online. I- WAIT NO THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY BE EXCITING

When they said there was a new benefit of the expansion pack only on switch 2, I expected it would be, like... a mario hat that goes on your user icon. or something like that.

it turns out it's gamecube games.

WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAH YEAAAAAH! SO GLAD I JUST STARTED PLAYING WIND WAKER ON A DIFFERENT FUCKING CONSOLE

also this is what I'm talking about with NSO sometimes drastically spiking in its value-for-money. I already have a year's subscritpion to this overpriced junk so i guess I just get this. Not complaining but like... it's still werid to me.

show me the game lineup. show me the game lineup. show me the-

They got SOULCALIBUR! that's AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!

wait hold on, we're totally gonna get wii and DS NSO in the future, aren't we. The joy cons have mouse support and motion controls, and they can have a mouse to click a virtual touch screen on DS. I know all, I see all.

YEAH F-ZERO GX IS FINALLY BACK IT'S ABOUT GODDAMN TIME

why is it that this is the moment that finally made it sink in that this is really happening? It's F-zero gx.

why, despite my obvious excitement in this post, do I not actually feel anything? I demonstrably am excited, so why don't I feel it? I sound like a kingdom hearts character.

anyway this is the most "fanmade fake leak" juice Ive ever experienced in a nintnedo direct. which makes sense considering it's the switch 2 direct. I mean... yeha. you know? I feel hollow.

...knight silksong.

WAIT HOLD ON THESE GAMES ALL HAVE ONLINE MULTIPLAYER DON'T THEY? THAT'S SO- oh wait I forgot, I tried NSO online and it's only to play with friends.

look, I can't blame them for not investing in an online matchmaking system for Baloon Fight, but it's just... I don't have any friends, okay?

wait it's JUST THOSE THREE GAMES? THEY DONT EVEN HAVE TWILIGHT PRINCESS AT LAUNCH? NO MARIO SUNSHINE AT LAUNCH? COME OOOON- CHIBI FUCKING ROBO? POKEMON XD GALE OF DARKNESS??????

they're never going to put Smash Bros Melee on this thing.

hold on where's double-dash. I just realised that's basically the first game other than the N64 Mario Partys that I'd actually care about playing in multiplayer on the NSO- wait hold on! MARIO PARTY! are they gonna add mario party 4-7 on NSO? OH MY GOD THEY USE THE MIC THEY COULD DO THAT- seriously this is what I mean about the increasing value. my subscription could literally just run out in the time it takes them to release those games.

Where the fuck is Geist.

no genuinely, i mean it, geist on NSO. I want it now. And Eternal darkness I guess- oh wait, they'd have to make a seperate PEGI-18 app, I forgot. that's really funny... CHIBI ROBO IS GONNA BE ON SWITCH 2 YOU GUYS

im gonna fall into a fucking coma. more thrid party games.

I'D KNOW THAT ANNOYING DOG ANYWHERE!!!!!!

CHAPTERS 1 TO FOOOOOOOUR?

oh great. THIS is the one game where I have to transfer my save data over... awesome.

ANYWAY DELTARUNE APPARENTLY!!!!!

AND IT'S A LAUNCH TITLE!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! ITS GONNA BE SUCH A FUCKING PAIN IN THE ASS TO TRANSFER SAVE FILES.

do they even allow you to transfer individual game saves? isnt it just the whole profile at once? I dont WANT THAT

oh boy its RANDY from GEARBOX

wait is randy pitchford the one that nobody likes? I dont remember. illhave to check the arlo reaction stream to make sure. but it sure does Borderlands 4 around here.

He sounds like the kind of enthusiasm you can only have when you really are enthusiaistic but also somebody IS pointing a gun at you to force you to be even more enthisiastic on top of that.

the game looks good, but I still need to play borderlands 2. on the xbox 360. from 2012. Plus the 20 hours of DLC they released for- WAIT NO WHEN DID THE BORDELANDS 2 ADDON PACK BECOME FIVE TIMES MORE EXPENSIVE? YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME IT ISNT FAAAAIIIIIIIR

oh sweet, civilisation 7. I love MICE. where the fuck is Deus Ex.

Look, I predicted there'd be fallout on switch and im not seeing it. Hurry up.

uuguguaaahahhh.... i can already feel how awesome mouse controls will be... no more moving cursors with an analog stick~ AHhh~

Thanks for announcing WWE2K and NBA2K. that totally didn't... whatever. wait,why was 2k there...>? I.... im so sleepy... and it isnt even that late...

I dont know what this next game is but it has the kind of cringy narration i truly expect from a nintendo direct. except they're putting their own spin on it, you know. its a different vibe from the direct narrators, a different tone and- im going to die. i think. ouuguguh.

WAIT HOLD ON I CANT BELIEVE THIS NO THIS CANT BE HAPPENING

I WAS GOING TO JOKE ABOUT IT BEING A LOST IN BLUE GAME AND THEN I DIDNT WRITE IT DOWN BUT IT ACTUALLY IS A NEW LOSTINBLUE NO WHYY YOUCANT DO THIIIIIS

why did they change the title back to survival kids? lost in blue is cooler.

you know, opening with elden ring really set up these announcements to be more impressive and exciting than they've been.

HELLO SURPRISE VISIT FROM ONE OF MY MOST PLAYED SWITCH GAMES!!!! ENTER THE GUNGEON!!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN-

ENTER THE GUNGEON 2

why is this the first new game reveal that's actually meant anything to me...

ENTER THE GUNGEON 2 BABYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god the graphics look worse. why is it 3d now. It's so much less readable. I can barely make out the player with this lighting. why have you DONE THIS

either we're in the NEW new game segment of this direct, or nobody ever told me about starseeker.

which would check out, because who cares about starseeker.

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA CYBERPUNK ON SWITCH????????

okay now this one is gonna REALLY be interesting in terms of a physical copy. is the switch really going to have 100gb game cards? the thing is, any amount that would be impressive to put on a cart is ALSO an amount that I imagine a lot of people wouldn't be all too happy to download.

it always makes me a little depressed to see them get away with marketing cyberpunk as a regular game and not an unmittigated technical disaster made of broken promisses and kicked puppies.

still better than pokemon violet. a lot better, actually... wait seriously no let's just, like... CYBERPUNK ON SWITCH. even switch 2 is only on the level of PS4... is this REAL? Am I really seeing this? like... holy shit, right?

I've never been sure how to play cyberpunk. I kinda want to experience both the finished game with its DLC included AND the buggy broken unplayable version... switch version seems like it'd be an odd middle-ground... wait hey hold on, is this ANOTHER one where they aren't clarifiyng if DLC is included?

THAT'S THREE OPEN WORLD GAMES RERELEASED ON SWITCH TWO WITHOUT TELLING ME IF THEY'LL INCLUDE DLC!! THE NERVE!!!!!! Oh wait, I guess it's the "ultimate edition", so it MUST have the DLC. I'm REALLY concerned about physical games on this console... ANOTHER LAUNCH TITLE????????

THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST GAMES CONSOLE OF ALL TIMES

wait, I mean, like... if Cyberpunk and Elden ring are already announced, like... how many games even exist in the world that coudln't theoretically run on this thing? I know all the PS5 games so far are ones that have PS4 versions but still.....

SQUARE ENIX is back! did they forget something?

Oh hey, look at that, it's the final fantasy 7 remake. I still have to play the original version of that game on switch 1. it's like a metaphor.

I promised myself i wouldnt play FF7 Remake uintil i beat the original, you seee...... I guess that's another pretty expected PS4 game on switch. what a fun world! I assume bascially every PS4 gamme will... okay frankly I'm assuming that basically every game ever made will eventually be playable on switch 2. truly it will be.... a uh... damn im tired... let's see, how big is this game anyway?

yeah, the PS4 version of the FF7 remake is 100GB. Is a gamecard gonna hold this thing? Like I said, a digital-only release for a 100gb game doesn't sound appealing either. Even BaldursGate3 barely got away with that. I suppose we'll wait and see.

Hey, I wonder what switch 2 game cases will look like... it's just dawning on me how INSANE it'll feel to see games like this released in nintendo boxes... assuming they get physical releases. Like, a switch game case for elden ring feels like it only exists in photoshop.

...i can only say that this nintendo direct feels like its made out of the hopes and dreams of rabid fans a finite number of times....

if you read this whole post so far, draw a lizard on a piece of paper.

HUH JUST TRANSNITIONING RIGHT INTO A SNAP OF A THING OF A REVEAL? FIRST PARTY REVEAL? SHOW ME

oh it's just a highlight reel of footage from all the games we just saw. hi sephiroph. hi deltarune.

OH NO WAIT HERE COMES THE LIGHTNING ROUND OF THIRD PARTY GAMES OH YEAHHH

SOME GAME WITH A BAD TITLTE THAT I DONT REMEMBER BY CAPCOM!

...

my stomach lurched.

my body reacted.

my prophecy: denied.

and yet.

and yet.

and yet.

S i l k

S

o

n

g

OH THEY JUST HAD TO CONFIRM CAPCOMS PISS RISE OF THE PATH OF THE GODDESS AS A LAUNCH TITLE IN SUCH A WAY THAT SILKSONG'S LACK OF THAT DISCLAIMER DISPROVED MY THEORY.

AND YET

IT IS

UNDENIABLY

THE ONE WE WERE WAITIN FOR ALL THIS TIME.

HOLLOW KNIGHT SILK SONG IS CONFIRMED!!!!!

heh.

hehehehehe.

ah.

....

WHY THE FUCK WAS SILKSONG PUT IN THE LIGHTNING ROUND WHILE DAEMON X MACHINA 2 GOT ATTENTION IN THE MAIN EVENT??????

anyway. this year, guys.

this might be the second game I ever play on the day of its release. Oh wait, fuck no, Deltarune's a launch title... but there's no way my system will get delivered to me on the exact day, even if I preorder, right...?

Story of seasons is also releasing this year.

what the fuck is goodnight universe- two point musuem! Thats perfect for mouse support! Im seeing a lot of switch 1 games here-

I still don't know what wild hearts is but... wait hold on. EBAY I NEED YOU- Yup that is a 57gb PS5 only game, releasing on nintendo switch like it aint no thing. How hopeful. of course, I can buy the PS5 version for like 7 pounds, and the switch one will proabbly cost- it's fine. its fine

Oh neat, witchbrook! they really just wanna confirm that all these games they JUST revealed in the last switch 1 direct are coming to switch 2. the things backwards compatible, we'd be able to play them regardless. this is the same level as hollow knight silksong to them, you guys.

Thank god rune factory is a launch title , I- Witty joke aborted, isnt this the same series as story of seasons???? oh hey its Puyo Puyo releasing on switch 2 as if SNES Nintendo Switch Online doesnt already include the best puyo puyo game and best puzzle game ever made, Puyo Puyo Puyo Puoyptpypp- my wrist hurts.

god damn I hate when I have wrist pain, because everybody i complain about it to makes THE SAME STUPID FUCKING JOKE. and if they're not saying it, they're THINKING IT!

marvel cosmic invasion still looks boring and- star wars outlaws? let me check- oh my GOD, this thing requires internet to install? that's the second star wars game to do that...good thing it sucks. anyway yeah that's another PS5 only game and it's also 100gb. It isnt good but that's still, like... you know. Blah Blah I wonder if it;ll release physically, I wonder if people will put up with downloading it if it doesnt. i feel like Ive been here for my entire damn life

that was a very strange transition- okay it was a normal transition, but why was it there. it just leads into Nonunaga's Ambition. whatever that is- oh hey, this must be some japanese historical figure that the Hunter X Hunter character is named after! he has the same hair. I WANT TO SLEEP

wait thats a rerelease i think. why is... why dont I know that game...? oh hey, FAST racing... fast fusion. sorry my mistake. fuck you. fuck me. fuck everyone. the sky is shatteered and- where am I going with this?

SHADOW LABYRINTHM BABY!!!! IT'STIME FOR A DARK TWIST ON THE PAC MAN FORMULA

more fucking switch 1 games that were JUST ANNOUNCED WHY EVEN HAVE TWO DIRECTS YOU GUYS

guys you wont believe it, fortnite is on switch 2! I KNOW RIGHT! i- ARCADE ARCHIVES RIDGE RACER? THE ARCADE VERSION OF RIDGE RACER?

same level as silksong. apparently.

mmmm... professor layton with mouse controls... luscuoious......

ITS FINALLY OVER. GEEEEEEZ ALRIGHT NOW SHOW ME THE CLOSER GAME PLEASE IM BEGGING

oh okay, one more as a closer to the third parties speciifcally... it must be something good.... wait, if they saved this one for last is it gonna be... a BIGGER deal than elden ring???? WHAT COULD THAT EVEN ENTAIL?????????

Oh, okay, wait, THIS is fallout. or starfield, if they want to dissapoint me. Or GTA 5. or Baldur's Gate. Or monster hunter wilds. or... I dont know. Klonoa 3.

oh. NATURALLY

wait

it couldn't be...

not...

DARK SOULS 4????

WAIT WHY IS BIG BEN HERE???? FUTURE-LOOKING STEAM TRAIN???

THAT IS A FUCKING DINOSAUR

OF COURSE THE ONLY THING TO OUTDO FROMSOFT ON SWITCH 2 IS FROMSOFT ON SWITCH TWO BUT IN LONDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they made a sandwich.

Is... is that an EXCLUSIVE GAME?

....

WHOAOAOAOAIAEYYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

can nintendo nicely ask activision to lower sekiro's price. or to just make a switch 2 port? at least then it'd feel more natural for it to be overpriced.

anyway,the poiint is: yippee.

the duskbloods sounds like a sitcom about vampires.

AVAILABLE ONLY ON SWITCH 2

THIS IS THE GREATEST VIDEOGAME CONSOLE EVER MADE AND IT HASNT EVEN RELEASED YET

Well, now I can officially say it: fromsoft is one of those companies where, through partnerships to make exclusive games for both playstation AND nintendo, the impression you're left with is that they must have something against Xbox.

I mean, I know I sure do.

well, anyway. let's uh... get back to....

....how do I recover from this exactly? These announcements are... earth-shaking. to me. to everyone.

ohhh its a classic nintendo Please Take A Look At This. that means they're about to ruin my life. it's great.

KID ICARUS- no wait, damn. i think that's kirby.

wait hold on... I know what this smells like. It's not a kirby game reveal, it's a smash bros game reveal. they love doing this kind of thing. I know I'm right.

WAIT ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME IT COULDNT BE. IT COULDNT BE A KIRBY AIRIRRIDE GAME THAT ISNT POSSIBLE-

I'm serious, nintendo made this direct by sending an army of Baku YoKai to devour the wet dreams of nintendo youtubers.

well, that's cool! but that's NOT the closer I was waiting for. come on, you know you want to... oh my god I JUST REALISED they didnt announce a mario odyssye switch 2 edition like I thought they would.

Anyway, SHOW US THE CLOSER nintnedo. the OTHER launch title that's going to kill us all. It'smario. it has to be mario. it's always zelda or mario. Except for that one time it was Luigi's Mansion, but that didnt go well. show me.

LAST TRILER FOR TODYA PLEASE TAKE A LOOK FINALLY SHOW ME THE FUTURE NINTENDO SHOW ME EVERYTHING

...

DONKER KONG????????

wait. i know those eyes. those are some banjo kazooie ass eyes. did they get former Rare employees in on this? did they hire playtonic?

I guess anyone can put eyes on objects...

donkey kong seems to be able to break the level design. thats cool. this is exactly-

AUUUUGH MY LAPTOP MANAGED TO RUN OUT OF BATTERY WHILE TYPING?? HOW?? HOWWWWWWW??? ITS A MIRACLE THIS POST SURIVIVED OH MY GOD.

i... i need to sleep. this isnt... it's... AAAAAAAAAA

what a very good nintendo direct. I cant wait to play such nintendo switch 2 games as Daemon X Machina 2 and Fortnite.

also AAAAAAA ELDEN RING

Good FUCKING night everybody!!!!!!!!!!!

OH RIGHT NINTENDO DIRECT IS HAPPEN

[raeynbowboi]

Bob’s Burgers 10th Anniversary Retrospective

After ten years, Bob, Linda, and the Kids are just as delightfully wacky and endearing as they ever were, and show no signs of slowing down. So I wanted to put together an ultra mega review of the series. I’ll give an opinion on main and recurring characters, as with a cast this big, there’s been a lot of endearing characters to grace the show over the years. However, I will only be counting characters that have appeared more than once. After ten years, there’s been some real gems, and some real misfires. So, I’ll be counting down my top 10 best episodes, and the bottom 10 worst episodes. I’ll also go through as a Highlight Reel, by picking a best and worst episode of each season, as well as crowning the Best Season with the most good episodes.

Bob Belcher

Honestly, Bob was a very easy character to mess up. He’s the straight man to his wacky family’s antics. But the show does a really great job making Bob simple and lowkey without making him boring or a stick in the mud. He may be resistant to weird things, but he puts up with it anyway to make his family happy.  While he’s the serious straight man, they don’t fail to give Bob his own eccentricities and quirks that make him relatable and funny in his own way. Whether he’s making things talk, getting weirdly excited about Thanksgiving, or his awkward way of speaking, Bob is genuinely a good and relatable character. It’s also nice to see that Bob is a great husband and a loving father. He and Linda argue from time to time, but they’re not trapped in a loveless marriage for the kid’s sake like most shows. And even shows where that’s not a selling point like American Dad, Bob shows more remorse for things like forgetting their anniversary than Stan does for Francine. Bob is supportive, loving, and forgiving. Which is just amazing to watch. The times when his kids really need him, he’s there for them, and he helps them through their problems. While Bob might fight with and get mad with or annoyed by his family, Bob never treats them like people he’s stuck with. Frankly, Bob blows most animated TV dads out of the water. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Stan or Francine give quiet supportive talks to Steve or Hayley ever in American Dad. Peter used to at least try to be a decent father, but now is a negligent toddler. Likewise, Homer used to be a great father who cared about his kids, but later seasons have really stepped away from the family angle the Simpsons used to have. In a sea of adult animated families that are toxic and destructive, Bob’s genuine love for his family came as a breath of fresh air.

Linda Belcher

Linda is by far the best Adult Animation TV mom there is. For one thing, she’s funnier than Francine, Lois, and Marge combined. But more importantly, she’s not the butt of the joke when it happens. I can only really remember laughing at Francine when they make dumb blonde jokes with her, but Linda’s jokes come from her character. She could have easily been the gender inverted Homer or Peter, but the writers are careful to make her gullible, trusting, and goofy without making her a moron. When the kids do something wrong, Linda busts out the tough mom act and you genuinely believe that the kids are in trouble. She’s not faking it. She’s not off in her own little world. She’s a bit of a goofy dreamer, but she’s able to be the tough disciplinarian when she needs to be. Her relationship with Bob is also better than most adult animation wives. She’s more independent than the other housewives, and even though her job is working with her husband, it never feels like it robs Linda of her own power, autonomy, and freedom. But the best thing about Linda is that I think most people can agree, she has an extremely strong and charming personality that endears us to her.

Tina Belcher

I really wish I could say I liked Tina more. She’s a creative romantic, just like me. I should love her. But her monotone deliveries and awkwardness isn’t as endearing as Bob’s. I like her better in episodes like Teen-A Witch and Broadcast Wagstaff School News where she has a bit stronger of a personality. But unfortunately, Tina is my least favorite member of the Belcher family, which isn’t to say that I hate her, she just doesn’t shine as bright as the rest of her family. She’s just not very funny or interesting on her own. But on the plus side, at least I don’t find Tina to be annoying or terrible except in the rare bad episode.

Gene Belcher

Gene is the only member of the family that can regularly get my dad to laugh, and with good reason. If he wasn’t such a well of nonsequitor punchlines, Gene would probably be the worst member of the family, but boy howdy do those random jokes pick up the slack. Gene is genuinely hilarious, even if I’d only rank him above Tina in terms of favoritism. However, I find that most Gene-centric episodes to be lackluster or below average. I think Gene’s best episode is probably Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien, but of the best episodes, none really come to mind that specifically star Gene. Gene is really better suited for a supporting role, and his times as the star showcase why comic reliefs aren’t the main character. They’re support characters for a reason. That’s not to say Gene-centric episodes are terrible. They just tend to range from about average to bad. Though Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien is a pretty good one.

Louise Belcher

Bob and Linda saved the best for last because Louise is the breakout star of the show. Funny, interesting, and the focus of many of the better episodes, Louise stands proudly on the first place podium with Linda in 2nd and Bob taking 3rd place. I think Louise’s strengths are especially due to her standoffish and naughty personality, which has lent itself to a lot of good character growth episodes. Season 10 Louise seems a lot more mature than Season 1 Louise. I think Louise works because while she does often have clever or sneaky solutions to problems, they don’t forget that she’s 9, so unlike Stewie, her age does present hurdles and barriers to her schemes and plans.

The Best and Worst of Bob’s Burgers

#10 WORST: Pro-Tiki/Con-Tiki (S6e15)

Why couldn’t Warren Fitzgerald just put that $100,000 into advertisements or to help Bob buy better equipment for his restaurant? My biggest issue with this episode isn’t the episode itself, it’s that the ending makes no sense. Warren wants to help Bob because he has a form of riches Warren lacks, and Bob doesn’t want a corporate sponsor to make changes to his brand. But why can’t Warren just give Bob the money to make choices he wants to make? They could stay as business partners, but Bob doesn’t have to sacrifice his personal vision for the restaurant. It’s just really frustrating when they’re both being too stupid and stubborn to see the obvious solution in front of their faces.

#10 BEST: Teen-a Witch (S7e03)

One of Tina’s best episodes, as someone who had a goth phase myself and dabbled a tiny amount in ‘witchcraft’, this episode brings back memories of high school and the desire to make the world what I wanted it to be. But on top of that, Tina with a backbone is when she really shines as a character, mostly because it means her humor isn’t being derived from her being awkward.

#9 WORST: Live and Let Fly (S9e05)

Mr. Frond embarrasses the kids, and they team up with Up-Skirt Kurt to get revenge against his sister and Mr. Frond. I’m not a fan of Kurt, so I already don’t care much about his feud with his sister, but I also just find the episode kind of boring. I don’t care about Kurt, I don’t care about his feud, and the kids call off their revenge, so that ends up not mattering either. Even Bob and Linda’s side plot is only middle-of-the-road quality for Bob’s Burgers.

#9 BEST: Wharf Horse/World Wharf II (S4e21-22)

The very first two-part episode Bob’s Burgers ever had, the season 4 finale is a great watching experience. It has some fun songs, funny character exchanges, suspenseful drama, and some heartfelt moments. It feels like a short movie, and that’s a good thing for a two-part episode to do. Even Fanny and Felix are interesting villains. But even after everything Felix did, I don’t find myself loathing him in later episodes, and that’s a hard thing to accomplish.

#8 WORST: Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks (S3e07)

This is the only bad Tina episode where the problem isn’t Tina herself. My biggest issue with this episode is more just the subject matter. Bob lies for insurance reasons about who was driving his car, and the entire episode is just Bob and Tina digging a deeper and deeper hole for themselves. The solution to the issue is clever enough to redeem the episode somewhat, but the majority of the watching experience is just kind of an awkward dance of watching these two getting tangled up in a web of lies.

#8 BEST: The Taking of Funtime One Two Three (S9e02)

Bar none, this is the single best ‘Heist’ episode of Bob’s Burgers, and it’s kind of crazy that Bob’s Burgers has actually built a repertoire to where I can make a list of ‘heist’ episodes as an archetype. This one feels the most like an actual heist movie, and the ending is legitimately clever and unexpected. But even more than that, if you’re paying attention, you can see the twist before the characters even reveal it. That is the kind of tight writing that makes the list for best episodes.

#7 WORST: A Fish Called Tina (S10e12)

Tina spends an episode trying way too hard to make someone like her, to the point that she almost humiliates a 4th grader in public just so she can live out some fantasy. It’s really uncomfortable and sickening to watch Tina do this. This will be a recurring issue with Tina’s low-point episodes. There’s nothing fun about watching a character make a complete idiot out of themselves by coming on too strong. It even makes me groan when Kaylie shows up in another Season 10 episode because I don’t want to have to think about this awful episode.

#7 BEST: Stand By Gene (S6e12)

Something about this episode really just brings back memories of my childhood. Memories of walking through the outdoors, just exploring and wanting to find things. The characters are funny, and Bob and Linda’s relationship is put to the test. Plus, I loved that for the entire episode, you don’t know how it’ll end. It really makes this a personal favorite and one of the episodes I knew had to make it on my list.

#6 WORST: The Grand Mama-Pest Hotel (S7e13)

Linda ruins things for Tina by being an overbearing annoyance. Are you noticing a trend with Bob’s Burgers’ worst episodes? I don’t like it when good characters make complete jackasses out of themselves in the name of ‘humor’. It’s not funny. It’s annoying and makes me dislike them. Thankfully, the worst of it is only in the latter half of the 2nd act and the entire third act, but Linda’s behavior just makes me cringe and ask why they had to do Linda dirty like this? It just puts me even more squarely on the side that Tina is entirely in the right and I don’t want to deal with Lind either.

#6 BEST: Broadcast Wagstaff School News (S3e12)

From Tina at her lowest point to Tina at her best, Broadcast Wagstaff School News is my favorite episode of the first 5 seasons. Tina’s funny and engaging, Gene is absolutely shining as Little Bob, and while Louise and Linda play supporting roles in this episode, they’re still funny as well. Plus, the mystery is a good one, and this episode is even referenced in later seasons.

#5 WORST: Mazel-Tina (S4e13)

Tina ruins Tammy’s birthday and steals her party. This is Tina at rock bottom. Tina is so despicable, cruel, and selfish in this episode that it reminds me that behind that creative awkward girl is a selfish brat who doesn’t care if she hurts other people if she can live out her fantasies. If other episodes didn’t rescue Tina from being so unlikable, I probably would hate Tina as a character entirely for her behavior in this episode.

#5 BEST: The Silence of the Louise (S8e02)

Movie parodies are some of the best, and The Silence of the Louise is the queen of all the movie parodies. When Mr. Frond’s therapy dolls are mutilated, and the school staff calls off the waterpark trip until the culprit is caught, Louise teams up with psycho Millie to figure out whodunnit. This is also one of the first time Millie wasn’t strictly an antagonist, and she genuinely felt like someone who could be Louise’s friend someday.

#4 WORST: Boywatch (S8e16)

Tina ruins things for other people by coming on too strong. The only reason this is ranked higher than Mozel-Tina is because in that episode, she just wanted to be at the party, and just kind of ended up as the star of the party and let it go to her head, whereas here, she is actively ruining things for other people in pursuit of her own delusions and fantasies. Tina has no desire to be a junior lifeguard, but cute boys causes her to behave like a troublemaker. She’s entirely out of character, and her teammates’ hate for her behavior is something I agree with. I don’t want to hate the main characters, so why does this show keep pushing to make Tina a nuisance who ruins experiences for other people?

#4 BEST: The Quirkducers (S7e06)

If the Silence of the Louise is the queen of film parodies, then The Quirkducers is the king. Not only is it a clever parody of The Producers, but it also has some damn good musical numbers, especially the edited end credit version. But it’s Tina’s song at the end that stands as one of my favorites of all Bob’s Burgers’ songs.

#3 WORST: Bed & Breakfast (S1e07)

If a Fish Called Tina is bad, then Bed & Breakfast is flaming garbage. Linda turns their apartment into a Bed and Breakfast, and Linda goes berserk when the guests don’t play into her expectations. This episode verges from below average to detestable as Linda goes insane and locks people in their rooms, and Louise drives a grown man to attack workers by preying on his fear. 

#3 BEST: The Hauntening (S6e03)

This is hands-down the best Halloween episode that Bob’s Burgers ever made. This show turns out some amazing holiday episodes, and this is one of the best the Belchers have to offer. I won’t dare give away anything about this episode. If you’ve seen it, you know why it’s top of the heap, and if you haven’t, then all I can say is what are you waiting for? Delayed gratification has to pay off eventually.

#2 WORST: Every Which Way But Goose (S9e14)

Tina falls in love with a goose. Who smoked crack before writing this episode, and who huffed enough paint thinner to approve this episode for production? This is the absolute dumbest concept for an episode I have ever come across. Who thought this was a good idea? I can’t even pinpoint the flaws because this entire episode is just so flawed. At least Mazel-Tina and Boywatch enrage me. This just baffles me.

#2 BEST: A Few Gurt Men (S7e11)

When Mr. Ambrose accuses Mr. Frond of stealing his yogurt from the faculty lounge, the case is brought before student court, and Louise is tasked with acting as Defense Council for Mr. Frond. One thing Bob’s Burgers does well is mysteries, and this is a good one as Louise has to figure out a way to prove Frond’s innocence. This is just an absolute personal favorite. Every character is just on point, and I get excited when the episode starts to que up.

#1 WORST: Moody Foodie (S2e07)

Did you ever want to watch the Belchers commit a felony? Then boy howdy do I have an episode for you! A picky food critic responsible for shutting down restaurants comes to Bob’s Burgers. Bob messes up the order, and a visit to the critic’s house to get him to try his burger again leads to a hostage situation with the critic tied to a chair and gagged in his own home. Words cannot describe the depth to which I hate this episode. The entire episode feels dirty and vile. I feel the need to scrub my skin raw after sitting through this episode. The instant I realize that it’s come on, I skip the the next one. I have literally only sat through this episode once. This episode disgusts me. This episode has the main character, abduct somebody in their own home. Then they take a second hostage when a mailman delivers the guy’s package. Luckily, Bob’s Burgers has a lot of good episodes to make up for this one bad egg, but this episode enrages me to the point that if the family wasn’t so charming and endearing most of the time, I might have stopped watching based just on this one episode.

#1 BEST: The Bleakening: Part 1 & 2 (S8e06-07)

The first time I saw these episodes, they played back to back without any credits in between them, and I thought it was one episode, and I didn’t even realize it was the length of two episodes. Between the amazing songs, the brain bending twists, the creative creature, the dark elements that contrast the bright lights of the holidays, and the uplifting ending, this pair of episodes stands paramount as the single greatest viewing experience that Bob’s Burgers has to offer.

Favorite Friend of the Kids: Regular-Sized Rudy

First appearing in Carpe Museum, Rudy came back in The Kids Rob a Train, where he has remained a friend of the kids since. Rudy was the first to join the kids if you don’t count Andy and Ollie who seem to dip in and back out as to whether they’re included in the friend group. Rudy was thus the first to be made a main member of the kids’ friend group.

Favorite Schoolyard Seven: Jocelyn

The Schoolyard Seven is the friend group of the three Belchers, Jimmy Jr., Zeke, Tammy, and Jocelyn. Not counting the Belchers, it was a close call between Zeke and Jocelyn. Tammy and Jimmy Jr. tend to be typecast as serving one niche thing, but Zeke and Jocelyn are often the comedic gold. However, while Zeke is more interesting of the two, I just enjoy Jocelyn too much to not give her the win. Even if Jocelyn’s humor is just a walking dumb blonde trope, like Gene, Jocelyn has a knack for funny one-liners. If the groups has another name, I’m not privy to it.

Favorite Friend of the Family: Micky

Though he’s less connected to the family now, Micky has been a friend to the Belchers since Bob Day Afternoon, and returning in Bob Fires the Kids. Since his introduction, Micky has gotten a job at Wonder Wharf, where he has remained since.

Favorite Recurring Villain: Logan Bush

First appearing in Ears-y Rider, Logan has been a fun and interesting frenemy for Louise to match wits with. In a show where most other villains are the same age as the main characters (Millie, Tammy, Chloe, Jimmy Pesto, Hugo) Logan stands out as a legitimate bully. Yet, even he was willing to work with Louise in Mother-Daughter Laser Razor, showing that there is wiggle room for the two of them to even join forces and spread havoc together.

Favorite Tina Love Interest: Duncan

Earnest if not a little awkward, Duncan seems like a sweet boy for Tina to possibly end up with. Sasha Whiteman is another character I could easily see being a good boyfriend to Tina because his quick wit and social graces make him a great foil to Tina, and he excels where Tina falls short. Zeke has a good chance to be a good boyfriend, but Tina still spits his name when she greets him, so I doubt she’d take interest in him unless something happens to change their dynamic. I liked Josh, but now that he’s said he doesn’t like her anymore and she agreed that she feels the same, I doubt we’re going to see them date further in the future.

Favorite Side Character: Nat Kinkle the Limo Driver

First appearing in Season 8 episode 8 V for Valentine-detta, I must not be the only fan of Nat’s because she made two appearances in the 10th season, in episode 1 The Ring (But Not Scary) and episode 17 Just the Trip. Currently with only 3 appearances, she’s still only a side character, but I get the feeling that like with Rudy, Courtney, Darrel and Alex before her, Nat will keep becoming a more frequent character. She just has a great vibe, and her charisma is intoxicating. She meshes great with the family, making her an absolute delight to watch.

Favorite Bit Character: Marshmallow

Although she’s appeared in multiple episodes since her introduction in Sheesh, Cab Bob, Marshmallow has never gotten much more than a couple lines, with her biggest role being in The Bleakening where she had more to say. She was also the first major LGBT+ recurring character on the show, which also made her a joy to see, whenever she returned to Bob’s Burgers.

Favorite Headcanon: Gene is Genderfluid

Gene’s jokes have been centered on his gender or sexuality since the first season finale. A joke once in a while is one thing, but ten years of the same sorts of jokes tells the sharp viewer that there’s more to it than just a running gag. With how many jokes have Gene talk about having boobs, synching his cycle, or calling himself Tina and Louise’s sister or Bob and Linda’s daughter, it’s my opinion that Gene is genderfluid, or possibly even transgender. The only reason I say genderfluid over a transgirl is because he still also addresses himself as a boy or a man as much as he does girl jokes.

Best Song: Twinkly Lights (Ms. XXX-Mas)

Not only does Toddrick Hall absolutely kill this performance, but I also love the meaning of the song about POC inclusivity and pride in the LGBT+ community. As the final song in The Bleakening, it’s one hell of a closing number, and I can’t help but dance in my seat whenever it plays. I’ve even listened to it independent from watching the show, and honor I don’t bestow on every song.

Best Episode Archetypes:

The Best Heist: The Taking of Funtime One Two Three

The Belcher kids have stolen a number of things. Chocolate, a bounce house, but the absolute creme de la creme of their heists is the procuring of the Dunebuggy from Family Funtime. When Family Funtime unplugs the macchines whenver the kids get too many tickets from them, the kids decide to pull off the heist of a century to make off with the biggest prize of the arcade: the dune buggy.

The Kids Tell An Anthology: Moms, Lies, and Videotapes

From the Gayle Tales to The Handyman Can, the kids have told a number of anthology stories, but the most impressive of the bunch is their stories of the mother’s day plays into three interesting stories. Though true to form, Gene’s is the weakest of the three, as his usually are. I don’t recall any time when his anthology was the best of the kids’, but then, Gene is not the most creative of the three children. His best story is probably in The Frond Files where his story’s world is colorful and fun to observe.

Best Musical Episode: The Bleakening

Not only do these episodes have a lot of musical numbers, but there is not a single one that doesn’t hit a home run. But more importantly, the entire episode is a musical, with each number helping to tie and bridge together the narrative, which is the entire purpose of musical numbers in a proper musical, which makes this the single best musical episode mainly because it’s the only episode that’s a true blue musical.

Best Holiday Episode: The Hauntening

With The Bleakening already taking the top spot for musical episodes, that leaves the Miss Congeniality of the holiday episodes to take the crown. I didn’t spoil anything about this episode above, and I won’t say a thing about it now. This episode is solid gold.

Best Film Parody: The Quirkducers

Not only is this episode clever in the way it uses its source material, but the family all have moments to shine despite the stars being Louise and Gene. The show also makes good use of the Schoolhouse Seven (the main group of the Belcher Kids, Jimmy and Zeke, and Tammy and Jocelyn), and each of them brings something great to the episode. It undoubtedly earned its place in the top 10, and will likely hold its place for years to come.