#and i want to be excited for mega con

[lyxchen]

Tired? Overstimulated? Or just dead inside?

[purplekoop]

@daylightcommand3 Explaining this in its own post because it's very much its own topic separate from the other figures

I actually don't remember any official life-sized Bastion statue (there were official life-sized statues made for stuff like cons and such, just not one of Bastion), but what I was referring to in that last post was, as far as I'm concerned, the "white whale" of Overwatch figure collecting.

The incredible, the elusive, and the unauthorized:

DX9 Freeman

A fully articulated and transforming translation of bird-loving bot into roughly 1/12th scale figure form, this is a godly Bastion figure.

It comes with everything you'd expect and hope for besides maybe an alternative welding hand. There's a little plastic Ganymede, and even treads and a cannon to you can swap out the gatling gun and legs for to replicate their Tank configuration, though now it'd be more accurate to just swap the legs for Assault mode and swap the cannon for Artillery mode, which like. the design was accidentally future proofed for the OW2 rework, I just find that neat.

Aside from the tank parts though, the transformation is completely legit. You bend the legs to form the stand, fold up the arms, retract the head, and swivel the torso around and pull down the back cannon to get it into turret form, just like the in-game animation. It's a testament to both the exceptional amount of thought and effort put into the character's original design, and the engineering required to make it into a functional model.

So... what's the catch. Obviously the perfect Bastion figure doesn't come without a catch, right?

Well. Notice how I called this figure "DX9 Freeman". Why isn't it just called... y'know, Bastion?

You might've been able to deduce by this point that this figure is in fact: Unofficial. DX9 is, from what I can gather, a Chinese company that specializes in making high-quality unofficial transforming figures for stuff like Transformers. Naturally, when a mega popular and relevant new game comes out with an iconic transforming robot, they decided to make this figure.

And this was back in 2017 or so, well before the Hasbro line, with I think the only thing out by then being maybe the Tracer Figma. It was slim pickings if you wanted an Overwatch guy on your shelf back then, so "Freeman" here caught on. Even when other figures started rolling in, there were no official figures of Bastion. There was a Lego set and an above-average Funko Pop in terms of both looks and size, but nothing else would just about perfectly fit in line with the proper action figures.

Sadly though, it was a spark short-lived, as it is basically impossible to find the figure now. The direct site to find it has been out of stock for years, and I doubt many people who already have one are willing to part with theirs for cheap, if at all.

So yeah. This is by far the best but most elusive Overwatch figure out there as far as I'd say. It's a basically perfect recreation of the character (save for a flat paint job, if you wanna be picky), but by nature of being an unlicensed figure from 6 years ago now, jesus christ, it didn't stick around for long and is nearly impossible to come across today, and even if you miraculously somehow find a secondhand seller today, I have a feeling it ain't gonna be cheap.

If I could magically wish for any mundane object that wouldn't technically benefit my life in any drastic way, it'd be one of these. Bastion's one of my favorite designs in a game full of fantastic character designs, so having a big ol' unit of a figure that offers a physical way to showcase the coolest part of that design with the game-accurate transforming feature would be... more personally exciting than I'm willing to admit.

Anyways yeah, full breakdown of every figure line and what characters are in which coming soon. Wanted to clear up Bastion first anyways, both because it's such a cool figure and also such a specific asterisk that's worth bringing up but not totally fair to include in a breakdown of official figures that are more easily and consistently available for most people without getting lucky.

[broken-everlark]

Fic Tag Game!

I was tagged by the lovely - @nouklea thank you for tagging me in this. I saw everyone else doing it and was excited when you tagged me🥺💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

21

2. What’s your AO3 word count?

93,466 -- holy shit.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I write for The Hunger Games and Wednesday. I have fnaf movie drafts. For, of course, Mikessa/Schelly.��

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Black Cat

Does to Me

Pretty Little Poison

High on Me

Doubt & Trust

5. Do you respond to comments?

Almost always. Usually, delete or freeze the hateful ones.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

You are Mine. -- I guess you can count this as angst? I wrote an everlark Halloween related fic, but that was back when I tried writing in first person, and it's not good😅

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Doubt & Trust. -- I guess. Since I haven't really posted or updated any of my longer fics.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yes. I used to get anons on here talking bad about my fics, I used to get a lot recently with my wyler fics, but I usually read and delete. Because if I don't delete or block, I usually will continuously read them and torture myself.

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

Yes, I just recently started writing smut. It's not the greatest, but I used the entire Wyler Kinktober to try & get better. I write any kind I'm comfortable with or one such as Non/con where it's not too graphic, I usually don't write a lot of non/con

10. Do you write cross-overs?

Not really. I don't enjoy when characters meet other characters from other universes.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope.

13. What WIP would you like to finish but doubt you ever will?

Probably Captive in the Darkness. An everlark fic of mine and a few drafts of everlark that I have scrapped because I just lost motivation.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Hmmm... that's really hard. I recently have absolutely love Petroclair & Wyler, schelly. Everlark will always be one of my first ships. I used to love stony & spiderwitch but sorta fell out of those. I guess Everlark can count as an all-time favorite.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Honestly, I think I can write some good gore and horror it's just kinda hard to get the right words sometimes.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Foreplay & Kissing. It's so hard for me to try and write sexual tension. Honestly, writing sexual intercourse in general, I feel like I'm pretty bad at. Also, it doesn't help that I'm constantly doubting my writing.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I can try but definitely need to use a translate app or something.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

If you want to be technical, I guess IT (2017), but for Ao3, it was Everlark.

19. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

To the Ends of the Earth -- THG fic with httyd au. because I absolutely love httyd & I have so much going for this fic, I just need time to write.

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day?

Definitely Black Cat or Captive to the Darkness.

(Literally, the only reason why Black cat has so many kudos is because that's when the wyler fandom actually.. nvm.. & it was my first long wyler fic. Other than that, it wasn't great.)

Tagging (idk who has done this😅) --- @iamfandomcrazy @thee-antler-queen @mega-aulover @pookieh @mellarked-katnisseverdeen

[lifetimeshipper]

Love For A Millennia

Genre: Romance

Pairing: Wheeljack x Arcee

--------------------

Chapter 1

---------------

"Alright, chores are done. Now can we do some dune bashing?" Miko questions with joy as she rides on Bulkhead's shoulder, they walk into the control room of the base.

"I don't know, Miko. Last time I spent a week picking sand out of my articulators," Bulkhead told her. "Uh, but there's a monster truck rally in town."

"Optimus, I'm receiving a signal on a restricted band. It appears to be coming from a Starship inside this solar system," Ratchet announced and everyone looked to the monitors. "It's an Autobot identification beacon."

"So there are other bots out there?" Jack asked with curiosity.

"The mass was scattered to the galaxies when Cybertron finally went dark... But 'Cons have been known to bait traps with false beacons," Arcee replied.

"Unknown vessel, this is Autobot outpost to Mega One. Identify yourself," Optimus said to the unknown being.

:: I've had warmer welcomes from the Decepticon combat brigades. :: A voice came over the comm unit. Arcee looked surprised before sadness crossed her features at the sound of the voice.

"Wheeljack!? You old con crusher! What are you doing all the way out here?" Bulkhead exclaimed with joy at the voice of his old pal.

:: Bulkhead? That's you? What's with all the security? ::

"The rock we're on is crawling with 'Cons. How soon can you get here and even the odds?"

:: Sometime tomorrow, if I put metal to the pedal. ::

"Another 'Bot's coming here. How cool is that?" Miko said with excitement.

"Wheeljack, I know him by reputation only. Can you verify his voiceprint?" Optimus questioned as he looked at Bulkhead.

"He is one-thousandth percent the real deal, Optimus," Bulkhead replied with confidence.

Optimus looks at him for a few seconds before looking back at the monitors. "We will send landing coordinates for you, Wheeljack. Safe journey."

"See you soon, buddy. I'll make sure you get a proper welcome," Bulkhead said before looking over to Arcee. He noticed her sad facial expression, "We'll make sure you get a proper welcome, there's one more bot here you know, Jackie."

:: Who? ::

"Hello, Wheeljack. It's been a while," Arcee finally spoke up.

There was silence for a moment before Wheeljack spoke.:: Arcee? You're there too? ::

"Yeah, I'm here too."

:: Well, I'll see you when I get there tomorrow. ::

"Yep."

Wheeljack cut off the communication and Arcee looked down at the floor. Bulkhead watched her, wishing there was some way he could help. He remembers what went on between Arcee and Wheeljack and how they separated. 

He could recall the times when Wheeljack was in agony after their separation, longing to be near Arcee once more, to hold her and kiss her. And now they're meeting up again after all these years, he figured they would be happy but it seems they may need time to take in the thought of seeing each other again.

"I'm going for a drive," Arcee said before she transformed and drove out of the base. Bulkhead just watched her drive out feeling sad and helpless.

"What was that all about? What's wrong with her?" Miko asked feeling confused at what just happened.

"Yeah, Arcee looked like she had just seen a ghost," Jack stated.

"It's Wheeljack," Bulkhead replied. "Wheeljack and Arcee had a thing before the war."

"Really?" Miko asked as her eyes started to glimmer at the thought.

"What kind of thing?" Jack asked.

"A love thing," Bulkhead replied.

"Duh," Miko said looking at Jack like he was stupid. Jack just glared at her.

Bumblebee started beeping, "What happened?"

"I'm not sure if I should tell, Arcee and Wheeljack should be the ones to tell it."

"But neither one of them is here. Come on, Bulk, spill!" Miko exclaimed as she got comfortable on his shoulder waiting to hear the story. The others took a seat ready to hear it, even Optimus and Ratchet sat down wanting to hear the story.

Bulkhead looked around at everyone before taking a seat himself. "Alright, I'll tell you. It was before the war, Cybertron was in the golden age, though was starting to fall apart already. The planet was filled with buildings like houses, workshops, departments, and places where you can get Energon." 

All the bots smiled at the memory of how Cybertron used to be. "The streets were always filled with bots out for drives or running errands, it was a nice time. Wheeljack and I were staying at a training base, we were training to become warriors. There were some minor wars throughout history but the High Council was always able to take control and stop them before anything too serious could happen. 

They set up training camps for those who wanted to learn to fight and be a warrior in case another war broke out. This was when the Wreckers were just coming in, Wheeljack, myself and a few others were the first recruits in. We trained hard every day, but we also had downtimes where we would have fun, the others would go off and find femmes to get with most of the time while Wheeljack and I just stayed at base and kicked back with some High-Grade Energon."

"High-Grade Energon?" Miko echoed in confusion.

"It's like liquor or alcohol in human terms," Bulkhead explained.

"Oh. Why didn't you and Wheeljack go out to find some femmes?"

"Well, Jackie wasn't really much of the type, he didn't see any femme worthy of his time. The femmes he dealt with were all spoiled and full of drama, and Wheeljack wasn't into that, so thinking that all femmes were like that, he didn't mess with them much. However, he did still look for the femme that had what he was looking for in a femme. But he had no luck..."

"Until he met Arcee. How did they meet?" Miko said interrupting Bulkhead. She was getting really anxious to hear about how the two met.

Bulkhead let out a chuckle at the anticipation of the young human, "I'm getting there, Miko. One day, while Wheeljack, the other Wreckers, and I were sitting around drinking Energon and talking, a blue mech walked in. He was well buffed and polished, really top class, turned out he was on the High Council and was Arcee's sire."

"Wait, Arcee's sire was on the High Council? I didn't even know that," Optimus states looking a bit confused. 

"Yes, her father was on the High Council. You should know him, his name was Halogen."

"Halogen, he had a hand in making me a Prime."

"Yep."

"I didn't know Arcee was his daughter."

"His only sparkling. Anyways, he came to our training base looking for Wheeljack..."

XXXXXXXXXX

"I'm looking for Wheeljack!" Halogen announced after walking into the base. He had blue armor with hints of red and light blue optics, he was bulky with a couple of scars showing the battles he's been in.

"That would be me," Wheeljack spoke as he stood.

"I would like to hire you to guard my daughter. Being in a high position I have a big target on me and I fear my daughter is in danger, my mate is no longer around to look after her while I'm away on business. I'm leaving tomorrow to attend a meeting and will be gone for a couple of days, I need someone to look after my daughter and keep her safe."

"With all due respect, sir, I'm no sparkling sitter."

"I'm not looking for a sparkling sitter I'm looking for a guard, trust me she's no sparkling."

"Am I getting paid?"

"Yes, I will pay you 600 credits for two days."

"Sounds like a reasonable amount. I'll do it."

"Good, be at my place first thing in the morning," the elder mech tells him before he gives him the location of his house.

"Alright, I'll be there."

The elder mech took his leave.

"Well, look who landed a nice job," Seaspray spoke out teasingly.

"Yeah, yeah," Wheeljack responded not feeling amused by the joke.

"How do you think this femme looks?" Seaspray asked.

"Could be pretty, could be ugly. She's his daughter so probably a spoiled brat who thinks she can get everything she wants and have it all her way and thinks the world revolves around her, just like all the other femmes I've encountered. I really don't care, to be honest, I just want the credits."

"Yep, I thought so," Bulkhead stated with a soft chuckle.

[keefwho]

April 23 - 2024 Tuesday

11:08pm

6.5/10

This morning I gave Sporticus a bath. There was a big spider in the shower the whole time I couldn't seem to wash down the drain but it didn't bother me too much. She shed a TON of hair this time around. I also found out later that she peed in the corner of my room, likely after her bath while I was taking a shower. For breakfast I made a jimmy dean sandwich with rice and a pear cup. I intended on doing my workout today and this was a good breakfast for it calorie-wise. I watch an episode of Moral Orel about Doughy being neglected.

For work I warmed up with sketches of wolves. They didn't turn out as good as others and I found out that their front legs aren't easily simplified. Also that they are very similar to horses at certain joints. Then I spent another hour on the Venus commission coloring the characters. And then I finished preparing my next NSFW YCH.

After work I did my dishes and started my workout. I watched a video of Dan Schneider while I did a few sets of lunges and a couple miles on the treadmill. I found out my knee still hurts, I MAY have to schedule a doctor's appointment for it. Although I haven't given it an opportunity for some good rest so I should probably try to take it mega easy for a couple weeks before asking a doctor. For lunch I made chicken stew. I was aiming to make it rich and spicy but ended up making it too salty somehow, I think too much lemon pepper. It was edible but not that great for the effort. While cooling/eating, TK was messaging me about issues with her boyfriend and how he has a pattern of problematic jealousy. I took her side completely with what she had to say, it sounded to me like he not only had unrealistic expectations but also that he was not communicating the problem very well. It got me thinking a lot in general about jealousy and how the dynamic can change between two people that work well together when they elevate from friends to a relationship. I think nothing SHOULD change if both parties know how to talk and don't develop unrealistic needs.

I did my afternoon work late on account of how long the stew took. I did a request for FY that I think turned out okay and then I got into VRchat to paint from "life". I went to that old world DS and I found with all the hobkin avatars and picked a place to stand that I'm going to copy from. I think it's a great idea because it's basically just a color study and results in a sort of unique result, that being what looks like an uninteresting in-game screenshot but it's actually been hand painted. After that I worked on my avatar for about 15 minutes which was enough time to prepare and bake the AO for the textures. This whole time I was using my good headphones to listen to loud rain with some music and a stream at a lower volume.

When I was done I hopped on the Roblox horse game to catch some horses and check out the training island. DS was free so we called and watched a furry species ranking video while I horse trained and she practiced airbrushing. We also finally watched the fabled balut sausage video which was horrifying, I actually thought I might throw up and had to look away. Then it was more of the usual furry con content and we went on a sidetrack trying to see if any of the footage had her in it. We found about 10 pixels of her at the waterfront in 2022, still an exciting find.

In bed we did our puzzles. The crossword was really hard for some reason and took us a whole 12 minutes. The last 2 only took a little over 1 minute each. Then it was 2 Monster High chapters and I played through the Beast's Castle level in KH2 until I got to the boss. We did a little smash or pass session with the enemies and a few actually got me thinkin a little.

~~~

Today was strange in that for most of it, I really had the desire to be alone but not to be myself. Usually when I wanna do something alone, I'm still trying to express myself. But I didn't want that today, I wanted the influence of others. The happy medium was a little bit of texting. Also since today was about "self", I combined that with my Costar prompt which was "cry over someone else's problems". So during the afternoon I was thinking a lot about TK and DS, putting myself in their shoes thinking about the woes they both expressed today. It felt good, like a helpful empathy exercise.

[robin-in-the-library]

hey, I see you, assassin's creed fan who got too passionate about history and now is a Poliziano fan! Do you want some tea? I see that you bought the Francesco Tateo's essay, great work finding one copy on vinted, is a pretty rare book!

Nice to see someone else interested in the matter, although I'm more a Lorenzo de' Medici/Sandro Botticelli/Angelo Poliziano truther (I'm actually interested in all the possible relationship that could have arisen on 15th century Florence, like a super iper mega polyamory with occasional murders).

If you need some help or info about some essays on Poliziano I could help you in case, although I haven’t read about him in three years, but now I'm starting again.

Have a nice week! :)

(sono italiana come reputo lo sia anche te, ma ormai ho preso l'abitudine di scrivere comunque in inglese, nel caso qualcuno con una lingua madre diversa voglia aggiungersi).

Ello! Well, well, nice to meet you! I do have to say that it was kind of, the other way around, in matters of passion — friend got me into ACII because he knows how much of a history nerd I am (and, history student currently), and as for Poliziano, I was studying him for Uni about the time I went through the game again, and it was a series of lovely coincidences that left me with the hyperfixation of the year. And thank you! I had been looking for Tateo’s essay since forever, when I saw one up for grabs I was so excited! Blessed be the university library, though, or I would continue buying books endlessly. Super mega iper polyamory with occasional murders is honestly the best description of 15th Florence I have ever read. Honestly I’m just, picking people in Renaissance Florence (and Milan! Galeazzo Maria Sforza I am staring at you) to shake like a dog toy to survive life. Any reading suggestion is always appreciated (tho it shall probably be put under the pile of history manuals for exams and thesis research that haunts me). Have a nice week as well, twas lovely to start the day with this message!

[themovieblogonline]

Jeff Loveness To Write 'The Avengers: The Kang Dynasty’

Marvel Studios has tapped Jeff Loveness to write Avengers: The Kang Dynasty. Marvel recently announced Avengers: The Kang Dynasty at San Diego Comic-Con to the delight of fans everywhere. The next Avengers epic is sure to thrill all and will feature a new line-up of superheroes. While we don't know what the line-up will look like yet, we do know they will be facing off with the mega threat known as Kang The Conqueror. Kang was originally introduced in Loki as "He Who Remains" and was played by Jonathan Majors. We also know that Kang will play a part in the upcoming film, Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania.

According to Deadline, Jeff Loveness will write the screenplay for the 2025 film, Avengers: The Kang Dynasty. Loveness also penned Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania as well as 6 episodes of Rick and Morty. Avengers: The Kang Dynasty will be a massive spectacle no doubt and will be directed by Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings director, Destin Daniel Cretton. The film will release on May 2, 2025, and will be near the end of Phase 6. Marvel likes to keep things in-house so it's no surprise they are asking both Loveness and Cretton to join the project. Marvel is being secretive about the film, but that's normal behavior for the powerhouse studio. I think Avengers: The Kang Dynasty is coming along nicely. They hired two Marvel alumni that have already proved what they can do. Even though Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania is still waiting release, it's fair to say Marvel is happy with the script Loveness wrote. The film is still 3 years out but I'm already excited about it. After Avengers: Endgame I thought Marvel would transition to something different like The Thunderbolts and maybe a Young Avengers movie. But it's awesome they are bringing the Avengers back. I want to see what the Avengers team line-up will look like for The Kang Dynasty. I'm guessing Anthony Mackie's Captain America will lead the team and newer characters like Shang Chi and Ms. Marvel might join. Maybe Thor might even come back. Who knows? It's anyone's guess at this point. You can catch Avengers: The Kang Dynasty when it hits theaters on May 2, 2025. Source: Deadline   Read the full article

[torptorp55]

Christmas Gifts For Women Music Lovers

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[c1rcus-c0re]

Thank you for clarifying! Could I request the sides meeting their idol (aka the reader) for the first time? If not that's fine tho, have an amazing day/night/etc. :)

yesyes ofc !!! when you say idol I did assume you mean like a rolemodel?? (I'm not going for mega star, but like kinda famous) and I'm sorry if thats not what you meant !! also I didnt include remus bc it would end in a lawsuit unfortunately, but if you wanna see it I can make it a separate post??

The Sides Meeting Their Idol for the first time !!

Patton:

Mf is so excited, he's practically vibrating on the spot on the way to meet you.

Definately starts crying

hands you some goodies that he made

Patton would ask for a photo, and somehow that's how you two started talking more.

He's your biggest fan, and he wants every one to know it.

Roman:

You two probably met at a theatre group.

You were speaking about public acting and he just so happened to 'accidentally' bump into you.

he seems cool on the outside but underneath he's bursting with excitement

definately rants about it to everyone

you exchange socials bc you think he's gonna go far.

Janus:

You bump into him on the street-

he acts like he isn't excited to meet you but OHMYGOD HES SCREAMING INSIDE

Definately will fanboy over the fact that you bumped into him

You apologise profusely and he just shrugs it off, so its all fine :)

he'll ask for a picture and then act really calm about it, know the moment you're gone hes sending it to EVERYONE HE KNOWS

Logan:

Acts calm and collected but he is picking up on EVERY LItTLE THING.

LIKE THIS MF- he's going to notice when you smile at his poor attempt at a joke.

he'll meet you at a library by accident. and he'll take a good 5 minutes before realising who you were.

he makes you feel like everyone else, which is really nice <33

Virgil:

he meets you at a panel, like at a con or something.

HES SO NERVOUS- GENUINELY SHAKING-

He fumbles on his words a lot and curses himself for acting so foolish around you.

You don't mind though! you can understand what he's trying to say :)

overall you two exchange phone numbers bc you WANT to talk to him more.

[halloweenbitch2764]

Please fulfill my NSFW request. Where the S/O have the innocent and kind personality but doesn't know what sexual intercourse is and Slachers Michael, Jason, Brahms, Harry Wander and Pyramid Head were already together for a long time in a relationship with the S/O, to the point of being frustrated by the S/O not repairing or understanding their approach.

Hi! So I don't write for Harry and Pyramid Head *yet* so I'm gonna throw in some other characters instead 💖

Warnings: Pinches of NSFW

Michael Myers

The least subtle of like, anyone

Will just pick you up and throw you onto the bed once he feels the relationship is far enough for him to make his move

He'll start trying to undress you

Which hella confuses you so you grab his wrists

He stops but doesn't say anything

Just tilts his head

"Um, why are you trying to take my clothes off?"

Is stunned for a minute

You had to know what he was getting at. You were just playing dumb.

But he could tell from the look in your eyes that you were genuinely confused

Since he doesn't talk he'll get frustrated because how is he supposed to explain what he wants?

Ends up making the 👉👌 signal with his hands

You picked up on it because immature kids at school had made the signal all the time and then would laugh

You have to explain to him that you didn't know hardly anything about sex

It would frustrate him a bit but excite him more knowing he would be the one to fill you up and take your virginity

He'd end up helping you ;P

Jason Vorhees

100000000% innocent

Was raised that sex was for marriage

And therefore knows absolutely nothing about it

It wasn't proper to talk about

And he felt horrible for even having such thoughts before you two were married

So he wouldn't know how to ask you for what he wanted

He had figured out that he would try to initiate it after arguing the pros and cons with himself

He'd try to be subtle but would end up making it obvious

He'd guide you to the bedroom and set you on the bed

When you didn't argue he was more confident and slightly surprised

But when his hand rubbed against your crotch you squeezed your legs together to tell him to stop

He'd panic inwardly

"W-What are you doing?"

He'd make grunts and point to the best of his abilities to explain what it was he wanted

It might take a while but eventually you'd catch on

You'd be super flustered like him and explain your situation

He'd feel relieved

At least he wasn't the only inexperienced virgin

It would be a learning experience for both of you

Brahms Heelshire

Did someone say horndog?

Has only learned what sex was from books he's read

So he has a very very very VERY basic concept of what it is

Like, he knows where his dick goes and that's about it

So he's fairly innocent as well save for the harlequin romance novels he's read while in the walls

The least subtle motherfucker besides Michael

Once y'all have been dating long enough for him to think it's time, he'll make his move

He'll pin you to the couch one day and you'll feel his erection rub against your thigh

Which confuses you

And he notices the confused expression on your face

He'll tilt his head as if asking what you were confused about

"What are you doing?"

He's stunned

How do you not understand what he's trying to get at?

Will likely end in him throwing a temper tantrum

Because he's a spoiled brat

And you'll have to calm him down and get him to explain what he was trying to do

Then you'll get flustered and embarrassed because you know close to nothing about sex

It'll definitely be a learning experience for you both

Billy Loomis

A big fucking horndog

If you're lucky he'll wait to make his advances until the second or third week you're dating

I know this says after dating a while but lets face it, it wouldn't be a while with him

But he's a teenage boy

He's got his needs

And that's part of what your job was as his S/O

He'd be confused IMMEDIATELY when you broke the kiss instead of going into a make out session when he was trying to initiate one

He wasn't used to people not picking up on him and not trying to get him into the bedroom

So when you broke the kiss and just vibed watching the horror movie he was confused

But you wouldn't knock him off his game that quick

So he would let his hand rest on your thigh

And then it would move up

And soon enough to your inner thigh

You didn't show any reactions to it really

Not like the ones he was used to receiving

There was *maybe* a slight hint of a blush but it wasn't obvious

Now he's mega confused

So he decides a new approach

He becomes more subtle and flirtatious in both his words and in tone

Annnnnnd nothing

He'd continue trying for the next week or so

Then his frustration would boil and he may or may not end up yelling at you, releasing the stress and confusion of the past week

You'd have to explain to him that you hadn't been taught much of anything about sex and was even less aware of the signals he was giving

He would teach you from there if you wanted to learn~

Thomas Hewitt

Is just as awkward about sex as you are, and only not as innocent because of Hoyt

He only becomes comfortable talking about it once you've been dating for a while

The farthest you'd gone was kisses

You'd never even had a make out session

And his hands never left your waist

And as much as he hated it, it wad starting to annoy him

He figured it wasn't your fault that you were so innocent

But he wondered how you hadn't had any sexual urges by now

Didn't everyone? Or most people at least?

He tried bringing it up subtly and prayed you'd catch on

You didn't

Which left him more annoyed

He was never one to come right out and ask about stuff like that

It wasn't polite as he'd learned from Luda Mae

He'd make advances from then on

He'd move his hands down to your inner thighs and to just below your chest

There was no way you wouldn't catch on

Right...?

Wrong

You figured he was just setting his hands where they were comfortable

As much as he absolutely hated it he'd end up going to Luda Mae for advice for how to approach it

He would be the least pushy (besides Jason) and would end up struggling to figure out how to get you to understand what he wanted

[wonderwomanfantasy]

Creeper

I’m writing more hikyuu to prove that you actually should request Haikyuu stuff when requests open and also just to flex. 

Tenou x reader

word count: 1,600 (about)

warnings: none, this is pretty sweet and fluffy. 

Summary: Tendou is uncharitbly called a Stalker when it comes to his crush.  I mean what you spend half your time stareing at one person and suddenly you’re a a stalker? Guess that means you’re a stalker too...

Tendou knew he was a bit of a creep and that you probably hated him, if you even thought of him at all. But he was okay with it, he had been dealing with people being scared for a while so he shouldn’t care. Even if the person scared of him was drop dead gorgeous. 

You came to watch volleyball practice nearly every day after school. Lots of people did but you were the only one who caught his eye. He made sure his blocks were mega impressive if he knew you were watching, but it wasn’t enough. your attention always seemed to be on someone else. 

Not that he wasn’t used to that either. But it took him a couple of days to figure out why it was bothering him now all of a sudden. 

Tendou seriously considered asking you to transfer out of  Shiratorizawa when he realized he had accidently started crushing on you.  He simply couldn’t have it, it was too distracting. He tried to way the pros and cons but in the end he scrapped the “50 reasons why (y/n) should leave Shiratorizawa.” Essay. Besides if you actually did leave Shiratorizawa, then he wouldn’t be able to see your cute face everyday. 

“you’re staring again,” Reon said, Tendou frowned. 

“I don’t know what you mean, I wasn’t even looking in your direction,” He shot back with a smile. He really was such a creep, always sitting at the right angel so he could look at you, but as long as you didn’t notice him then it he wasn’t hurting anyone. 

“you should just ask her out,” Shirabu said through a mouth full of pork. Tendou went stiff just thinking about it. 

“Nah she’s not my type, wayyy to pretty for my tastes and she’s even nice and smart from what I heard, who’d want to be with a girl like that?” he fake gagged finally tearing his eyes away from where you were sitting with your friends. he picked at the rice on his plate slowly forming a rice snowman. 

“sure, whatever,” Shirabu. the subject changed and Tendou looked up again watching you laugh, you were cute, he wouldn’t mind dating you, it would be nice to see you in his large sweatshirt or cuddle with him while you did homework together. Even just to hold you would be nice, he knew that you would probably flinch from his touch if he tried anything in real life, but his fantasies didn’t have to adhere to the real world. it would be sweet if you weren’t so incredibly out of his league. 

You came to the Shiritorizawa match early, as you always did, you wished the volleyball team wasn’t quite so popular, it might be easier to get a good seat then. Normally you would go up to the stands to watch from a safe distance. 

Today you weren’t so lucky. 

“Hey! you girl,” Coach Washijō snapped at you making you jump. 

“u-uhm Yes sir?” he pointed at a bag at his feet. 

“Fill up these water bottles for the game,” He barked. you squeaked and scampered to do as he asked. 

“Hustle! Show some school spirit!” he shouted as you struggled to fill the bottles as fast as possible 

You had thought about becoming the manager for the team but this interaction made you glad you hadn’t  Washijō was biting at your heals as you dragged the water to the courtside. you were almost in tears as he yelled at you. 

“I-I-I,” you couldn’t even force a simple ‘I’m sorry’ with out tripping over yourself you were so flustered.

“ah thank you for helping (y/n) we’re going to extra luck thanks to you,” you looked up to see who had saved you, and weren’t surprised to see tendou there. Of course he would be the one to save you. you felt your heart melt a little seeing him. 

You never got the chance to see satori up close, you almost forgot how tall he was. and now that he was so close you couldn’t help but flush with embarrassment. Now that the Coaches attention was off of you, you could speak again.

“It’s uh no proplem coach and g-good luck with the game Tendou,” you squeaked before darting off the court and up to the stands. Of course all the good seats were taken so you were relegated to the back of the stands. 

Still, it was a pretty good game, the other team up good fight you won in straight sets. If you were right, Tendou didn’t miss a single block. 

You really only came to the games for the cute red-headed middle blocker. You didn’t speak to Tendou often, it was rare you found an excuse too, but you still had fallen for him hopelessly.

you sighed dreamily to yourself as you walked out with a mass of people. You still couldn’t belive you’d talked to him today. 

Tendou was buzzing with excitement. It had been a really good game and it was all thanks to you. No way he could have done without you sweet words to him before the match. It probably also helped that you had touched his already lucky water bottle. 

He was on cloud nine as he hummed happily walking off the court, his team mates couldn’t help but notice.

You were watching the practice like you always did, save for the fact that you were alone today. Most of the time your friends would join you to giggle about how handsome Ushijima was, but none of them could make it today. 

“Hey you’re (y/n) right?” semi asked, stopping you before you could even enter the gym. 

“uh yeah?” you sounded unsure of yourself, but this was the first time Semi had ever bothered talking to you and you had no idea why. 

“cool, I saw you at the game the other day, you should come to more of our games-”  you were more confused than anything. Was he hitting on you?

“uh okay?” you said awkwardly, not wanting to tell him that you already went to all the games. 

“you know Tendou likes to see you there,” he added raising his eyebrows you felt your face flush with embarrassment. so he wasn’t hitting on you, but playing wingman for tendou

“oh, did Tendou tell you that?”

“nah, but we can all just sort of tell he’s into you,”

“That’s kind of a jump don’t you think? I mean just ‘cus he wanted to see me doesn’t mean he likes me,” you argued nervously messing with your fingers. 

“Trust me, He’s into you, He’s probably pissed I’m even talking to you, He’s just... kinda weird, so ask him out sometime,” Semi encouraged. 

As it happened, Tendou was pissed that Eita was talking to you. How dare he try and steal Tendou’s little good luck charm. Tendou usually stared at you as much as he liked, but he couldn’t stomach watching you blush at whatever semi was saying to you. 

was that why you came to every practice and every game? because you were in love with him? he though about you clinging to Eita the way he wanted to hold you and his heart lurched. he wondered if he could finger tape his heart back together again. Not that he would do anything to break the two of you up, if you were happy then he couldn’t stop that right? and if you were dating Semi then he’d definitely see you more...

He was leaving the gym lost in his own thoughts when he heard his own name called  “Tendou, do you think you could walk with me back to the dorms?” Tendou almost jumped. How the fuck were you so quiet?

“Awe does the is the cute little Junior scared of the dark? You need your big strong Senpai to walk with you?” he teased automatically before mentally kicking himself. he really hated himself. you laughed politely and started walking with him 

“Actually I wanted to talk to you, Semi said you liked me,”

Tendou wanted to through himself into the ocean. or maybe a really big hole in the ground that could swallow him up entirely. anything really to get out of this situation. 

“oh? is that what you two were talking about?”

“yeah he said that I should ask you out,”

“oh,” maybe he’s just kill Semi instead, that would work too. 

“I really like you Tendou, I want to ask you out,” you admitted stopping in the middle of the walkway. he was glad you did because he froze instantly. this had to be a joke right? Semi put you up to this and they were all laughing at him right now. but as he looked around him, he was alone, no one even hiding in the bushes and you didn’t look like you were pulling a prank. you looked almost as nervous as he felt. fuck it. he learned forward kissing you quickly, barely brushing his lips with yours before pulling back, not wanting to press his luck. 

You were left completely breathless, you touched your lips feeling them buzz. Tendou laughed. 

“is that why you come to all the games and practices? you’re stalking me or something?” he cupped your cheek and kissed you again, this time he let the kiss linger long enough for you to kiss him back before he had to pull away, you're soft lips were making his head spin.

“you’re lucky you’re so cute (y/n) otherwise you’d be a total creep.”

[fictionalabyss]

It’s good to be king.

Pairings : Boyking!Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader

Word count : 1,120

Written for : @spnabobingo​

Square : Fear Kink

Warning : Non-con/Dub-con, Mates, Sam gets off on people's fear, hunting, violence, hell hound injuries, sex outdoors, rough sex

Masterlist • Patreon • Ko-fi.

SPN A/B/O Bingo Round 5 Masterlist.

Sam smiled as he walked through the vast forest, his pace slow and careful. He was in no rush. The thrill of the hunt was part of what had him so excited.

He could hear feet pounding against the dirt ahead of him, one set frantic and scared, the other, his hellhound on the hunt. They bobbed and weaved, changing directions here and there, but Sam just kept moving forward, hands in the pockets of his slacks. He knew where this would end.

He’s seen it play out a thousand times in his head, his premonitions, and it always ended the same. The only way this thing could end, and he had all the time and patience in the world to get what he wanted. After all, he was the King of Hell.

You yelped as the snarling and snapping got closer, jumping over a root to keep from tripping. You’d been running for so long, too long, but you couldn’t stop. No where was safe anymore and the damn thing was toying with you, you were sure of it. A hellhound could easily outrun you, you weren’t stupid, so for this thing to still be behind you and not tearing you apart, it had to be messing with you.

You ducked and dodged, weaved in and out ignoring the scrapes from branches and pain in your muscles and feet. Your hand scraped against bark as you swung around a tree and kept running, frantically looking for anything, anything that could help you, even though you knew nothing would.

You had never been so scared in your life.

Suddenly, you were falling, your face and hands slamming into the dirt. You can feel the hound over you, a massive paw on your back, claws scraping against your skin. In a last ditch effort to survive just a little longer, you scramble out from under it, your shirt ripping as the claw scraped at your back, a sting following the sensation as skin breaks and a little blood trickles down. You scramble to your feet, desperate to get away as you glance back at the hulking beast watching you with a snarl on its lips and cloth between it’s claws.

“Go.”

You aren’t sure where the command comes from, but as you start running again, the hound surges forward, slamming your body against a tree.

Before you can fall, there's a hand around your throat, holding you up and against the tree. You look up into hazel green eyes with so much terror as he smirks down at you.

“You really thought you could get away from me?”

“S-Sam-”

He cut you off pressing his lips to yours hard. “You shouldn't have done it.” he mumbled, his lips moving down your neck where he bit at your skin and you screamed in pain. “You shouldn’t have tried selling your soul to save me. You should have known I’d be the one to come for you.”

“T-this isn’t you.”

Sam laughed. “Oh, my sweet little Omega, this is exactly me. You scared?” The hound behind him snapped at your leg, and you jumped, making Sam’s smile widen. He pushed himself harder against you, making you feel the way his cock throbbed in his slacks as he took in a deep breath to breath you in. “Fear smells so good on you, sweetheart.”

“Please..”

“You always were good at begging for me, weren’t you?” Sam smiled, his thumb coming up to pull on your bottom lip. His free hand undid his slacks, pulling his cock free. “Again.”

“Sam, please, stop this.” you cried. He gripped your jeans in both hands and tore them apart, leaving you bare to him with denim hanging around your ankles. You yelped again. “Please, Sam, don’t-”

You were cut off by Sam thrusting into you without warning, a scream being ripped from your lungs as your injured back scraped along tree bark. Sam lifted you, your thighs quick to wrap around his waist as he fucked into you hard and rough. “Still so wet for me, huh?” he teased. “You can say you don’t want it all you want, ‘mega, but I know you. I know you better than anyone.”

“Sam.” you breathed out, arms wrapped around his neck.

“You missed it, didn’t you?” Sam nosed at your shirt collar, he knew what lay beneath it, the mark he’d given you long ago when he claimed you as his, long before he became this person.

“Yes.”

Sam pounded into you, you winced with each thrust forward, feeling the bark biting into your black and blood running down. It hurt, not just your back, or limbs from running, but your pussy. Despite the pool of slick he pulled from you, he was brutal, he was hitting deep and hard and it had you crying in pain. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you held on to him desperately and let him have his way.

Before long, his knot began to swell, the slapping sound of it battering at your pussy was loud in your ears and you wondered how far the sound would carry. If someone happened to be in the woods, a ranger, a hunter, would they hear? Would they even help, or would they die like you were sure you would as soon as Sam finished.

Sam thrust up again, harder than before and it felt like you were being ripped apart. You screamed as his fully inflated knot forced its way inside you, your head going back against the tree, and Sam pulled at the collar of your skirt and bit into your skin near your collarbone, making your scream louder and longer.

Before you were even fully adjusted to the size of his knot inside you, he pulled out, pulling another scream from you before he let you collapse to the ground, sobbing.

“Run.”

“What?” you looked up at him, confused.

Sam was tucking himself back into his slacks, not even looking at you as he repeated the command. “Run.”  You looked from him, to the hound who’d sat not even two feet away watching the whole assault. “RUN!”

Dirt kicked up as you rushed to your feet and started running, tripping over scraps of your jeans, too afraid to stop and get them off.

Sam watched quietly as you ran as fast as you could manage away from him. His cock stirring back to life as he smelt the fear mixed with slick in the air as you disappeared from his sight. “Hunt.”

With that one word, his hound sprang forward and gave chase. A satisfied smirk reached his lips as he tucked his hands back into his pockets and started to follow.

“It’s good to be King.”

*If you like this, please consider supporting my work*

Tagging :  Sam -  @evyiione  @hoboal87​

SPN -  @sandlee44  @just-another-busy-fangirl  @mrswhozeewhatsis   @deanandsamsbitch  @deans-baby-momma  @thebescht @67-chevy-baby @supraveng   @musiclovinchic93 @holyfuckloueh  @ksgeekgirl   @hobby27 @maddiepants  @roxyspearing @onethirstyunicorn    @fandom-princess-forevermore​     @kalesrebellion​   @deanwanddamons​   @thoughts-and-funnies​

All tags - @sorenmarie87 @artemisthebadger @winchesterprincessbride @iflostreturntosteverogers @akfonkin @rebelminxy @foxyjwls007 @onethirstyunicorn @shaelyn102 @supernaturalenchanted  @kazkingdom   @babypink224221  @emoryhemsworth    @ilovefanfic86  @pie-with-hunters   @anaelsbrunette @lazinessisalliknow  @feelmyroarrrr  @letsdisneythings   @cdwmtjb8​   @notyourtypicalrose  @xostephanie @ilovedeanspie @defenderrosetyler​ @amandamdiehl​

[raeynbowboi]

Bob’s Burgers 10th Anniversary Retrospective

After ten years, Bob, Linda, and the Kids are just as delightfully wacky and endearing as they ever were, and show no signs of slowing down. So I wanted to put together an ultra mega review of the series. I’ll give an opinion on main and recurring characters, as with a cast this big, there’s been a lot of endearing characters to grace the show over the years. However, I will only be counting characters that have appeared more than once. After ten years, there’s been some real gems, and some real misfires. So, I’ll be counting down my top 10 best episodes, and the bottom 10 worst episodes. I’ll also go through as a Highlight Reel, by picking a best and worst episode of each season, as well as crowning the Best Season with the most good episodes.

Bob Belcher

Honestly, Bob was a very easy character to mess up. He’s the straight man to his wacky family’s antics. But the show does a really great job making Bob simple and lowkey without making him boring or a stick in the mud. He may be resistant to weird things, but he puts up with it anyway to make his family happy.  While he’s the serious straight man, they don’t fail to give Bob his own eccentricities and quirks that make him relatable and funny in his own way. Whether he’s making things talk, getting weirdly excited about Thanksgiving, or his awkward way of speaking, Bob is genuinely a good and relatable character. It’s also nice to see that Bob is a great husband and a loving father. He and Linda argue from time to time, but they’re not trapped in a loveless marriage for the kid’s sake like most shows. And even shows where that’s not a selling point like American Dad, Bob shows more remorse for things like forgetting their anniversary than Stan does for Francine. Bob is supportive, loving, and forgiving. Which is just amazing to watch. The times when his kids really need him, he’s there for them, and he helps them through their problems. While Bob might fight with and get mad with or annoyed by his family, Bob never treats them like people he’s stuck with. Frankly, Bob blows most animated TV dads out of the water. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Stan or Francine give quiet supportive talks to Steve or Hayley ever in American Dad. Peter used to at least try to be a decent father, but now is a negligent toddler. Likewise, Homer used to be a great father who cared about his kids, but later seasons have really stepped away from the family angle the Simpsons used to have. In a sea of adult animated families that are toxic and destructive, Bob’s genuine love for his family came as a breath of fresh air.

Linda Belcher

Linda is by far the best Adult Animation TV mom there is. For one thing, she’s funnier than Francine, Lois, and Marge combined. But more importantly, she’s not the butt of the joke when it happens. I can only really remember laughing at Francine when they make dumb blonde jokes with her, but Linda’s jokes come from her character. She could have easily been the gender inverted Homer or Peter, but the writers are careful to make her gullible, trusting, and goofy without making her a moron. When the kids do something wrong, Linda busts out the tough mom act and you genuinely believe that the kids are in trouble. She’s not faking it. She’s not off in her own little world. She’s a bit of a goofy dreamer, but she’s able to be the tough disciplinarian when she needs to be. Her relationship with Bob is also better than most adult animation wives. She’s more independent than the other housewives, and even though her job is working with her husband, it never feels like it robs Linda of her own power, autonomy, and freedom. But the best thing about Linda is that I think most people can agree, she has an extremely strong and charming personality that endears us to her.

Tina Belcher

I really wish I could say I liked Tina more. She’s a creative romantic, just like me. I should love her. But her monotone deliveries and awkwardness isn’t as endearing as Bob’s. I like her better in episodes like Teen-A Witch and Broadcast Wagstaff School News where she has a bit stronger of a personality. But unfortunately, Tina is my least favorite member of the Belcher family, which isn’t to say that I hate her, she just doesn’t shine as bright as the rest of her family. She’s just not very funny or interesting on her own. But on the plus side, at least I don’t find Tina to be annoying or terrible except in the rare bad episode.

Gene Belcher

Gene is the only member of the family that can regularly get my dad to laugh, and with good reason. If he wasn’t such a well of nonsequitor punchlines, Gene would probably be the worst member of the family, but boy howdy do those random jokes pick up the slack. Gene is genuinely hilarious, even if I’d only rank him above Tina in terms of favoritism. However, I find that most Gene-centric episodes to be lackluster or below average. I think Gene’s best episode is probably Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien, but of the best episodes, none really come to mind that specifically star Gene. Gene is really better suited for a supporting role, and his times as the star showcase why comic reliefs aren’t the main character. They’re support characters for a reason. That’s not to say Gene-centric episodes are terrible. They just tend to range from about average to bad. Though Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien is a pretty good one.

Louise Belcher

Bob and Linda saved the best for last because Louise is the breakout star of the show. Funny, interesting, and the focus of many of the better episodes, Louise stands proudly on the first place podium with Linda in 2nd and Bob taking 3rd place. I think Louise’s strengths are especially due to her standoffish and naughty personality, which has lent itself to a lot of good character growth episodes. Season 10 Louise seems a lot more mature than Season 1 Louise. I think Louise works because while she does often have clever or sneaky solutions to problems, they don’t forget that she’s 9, so unlike Stewie, her age does present hurdles and barriers to her schemes and plans.

The Best and Worst of Bob’s Burgers

#10 WORST: Pro-Tiki/Con-Tiki (S6e15)

Why couldn’t Warren Fitzgerald just put that $100,000 into advertisements or to help Bob buy better equipment for his restaurant? My biggest issue with this episode isn’t the episode itself, it’s that the ending makes no sense. Warren wants to help Bob because he has a form of riches Warren lacks, and Bob doesn’t want a corporate sponsor to make changes to his brand. But why can’t Warren just give Bob the money to make choices he wants to make? They could stay as business partners, but Bob doesn’t have to sacrifice his personal vision for the restaurant. It’s just really frustrating when they’re both being too stupid and stubborn to see the obvious solution in front of their faces.

#10 BEST: Teen-a Witch (S7e03)

One of Tina’s best episodes, as someone who had a goth phase myself and dabbled a tiny amount in ‘witchcraft’, this episode brings back memories of high school and the desire to make the world what I wanted it to be. But on top of that, Tina with a backbone is when she really shines as a character, mostly because it means her humor isn’t being derived from her being awkward.

#9 WORST: Live and Let Fly (S9e05)

Mr. Frond embarrasses the kids, and they team up with Up-Skirt Kurt to get revenge against his sister and Mr. Frond. I’m not a fan of Kurt, so I already don’t care much about his feud with his sister, but I also just find the episode kind of boring. I don’t care about Kurt, I don’t care about his feud, and the kids call off their revenge, so that ends up not mattering either. Even Bob and Linda’s side plot is only middle-of-the-road quality for Bob’s Burgers.

#9 BEST: Wharf Horse/World Wharf II (S4e21-22)

The very first two-part episode Bob’s Burgers ever had, the season 4 finale is a great watching experience. It has some fun songs, funny character exchanges, suspenseful drama, and some heartfelt moments. It feels like a short movie, and that’s a good thing for a two-part episode to do. Even Fanny and Felix are interesting villains. But even after everything Felix did, I don’t find myself loathing him in later episodes, and that’s a hard thing to accomplish.

#8 WORST: Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks (S3e07)

This is the only bad Tina episode where the problem isn’t Tina herself. My biggest issue with this episode is more just the subject matter. Bob lies for insurance reasons about who was driving his car, and the entire episode is just Bob and Tina digging a deeper and deeper hole for themselves. The solution to the issue is clever enough to redeem the episode somewhat, but the majority of the watching experience is just kind of an awkward dance of watching these two getting tangled up in a web of lies.

#8 BEST: The Taking of Funtime One Two Three (S9e02)

Bar none, this is the single best ‘Heist’ episode of Bob’s Burgers, and it’s kind of crazy that Bob’s Burgers has actually built a repertoire to where I can make a list of ‘heist’ episodes as an archetype. This one feels the most like an actual heist movie, and the ending is legitimately clever and unexpected. But even more than that, if you’re paying attention, you can see the twist before the characters even reveal it. That is the kind of tight writing that makes the list for best episodes.

#7 WORST: A Fish Called Tina (S10e12)

Tina spends an episode trying way too hard to make someone like her, to the point that she almost humiliates a 4th grader in public just so she can live out some fantasy. It’s really uncomfortable and sickening to watch Tina do this. This will be a recurring issue with Tina’s low-point episodes. There’s nothing fun about watching a character make a complete idiot out of themselves by coming on too strong. It even makes me groan when Kaylie shows up in another Season 10 episode because I don’t want to have to think about this awful episode.

#7 BEST: Stand By Gene (S6e12)

Something about this episode really just brings back memories of my childhood. Memories of walking through the outdoors, just exploring and wanting to find things. The characters are funny, and Bob and Linda’s relationship is put to the test. Plus, I loved that for the entire episode, you don’t know how it’ll end. It really makes this a personal favorite and one of the episodes I knew had to make it on my list.

#6 WORST: The Grand Mama-Pest Hotel (S7e13)

Linda ruins things for Tina by being an overbearing annoyance. Are you noticing a trend with Bob’s Burgers’ worst episodes? I don’t like it when good characters make complete jackasses out of themselves in the name of ‘humor’. It’s not funny. It’s annoying and makes me dislike them. Thankfully, the worst of it is only in the latter half of the 2nd act and the entire third act, but Linda’s behavior just makes me cringe and ask why they had to do Linda dirty like this? It just puts me even more squarely on the side that Tina is entirely in the right and I don’t want to deal with Lind either.

#6 BEST: Broadcast Wagstaff School News (S3e12)

From Tina at her lowest point to Tina at her best, Broadcast Wagstaff School News is my favorite episode of the first 5 seasons. Tina’s funny and engaging, Gene is absolutely shining as Little Bob, and while Louise and Linda play supporting roles in this episode, they’re still funny as well. Plus, the mystery is a good one, and this episode is even referenced in later seasons.

#5 WORST: Mazel-Tina (S4e13)

Tina ruins Tammy’s birthday and steals her party. This is Tina at rock bottom. Tina is so despicable, cruel, and selfish in this episode that it reminds me that behind that creative awkward girl is a selfish brat who doesn’t care if she hurts other people if she can live out her fantasies. If other episodes didn’t rescue Tina from being so unlikable, I probably would hate Tina as a character entirely for her behavior in this episode.

#5 BEST: The Silence of the Louise (S8e02)

Movie parodies are some of the best, and The Silence of the Louise is the queen of all the movie parodies. When Mr. Frond’s therapy dolls are mutilated, and the school staff calls off the waterpark trip until the culprit is caught, Louise teams up with psycho Millie to figure out whodunnit. This is also one of the first time Millie wasn’t strictly an antagonist, and she genuinely felt like someone who could be Louise’s friend someday.

#4 WORST: Boywatch (S8e16)

Tina ruins things for other people by coming on too strong. The only reason this is ranked higher than Mozel-Tina is because in that episode, she just wanted to be at the party, and just kind of ended up as the star of the party and let it go to her head, whereas here, she is actively ruining things for other people in pursuit of her own delusions and fantasies. Tina has no desire to be a junior lifeguard, but cute boys causes her to behave like a troublemaker. She’s entirely out of character, and her teammates’ hate for her behavior is something I agree with. I don’t want to hate the main characters, so why does this show keep pushing to make Tina a nuisance who ruins experiences for other people?

#4 BEST: The Quirkducers (S7e06)

If the Silence of the Louise is the queen of film parodies, then The Quirkducers is the king. Not only is it a clever parody of The Producers, but it also has some damn good musical numbers, especially the edited end credit version. But it’s Tina’s song at the end that stands as one of my favorites of all Bob’s Burgers’ songs.

#3 WORST: Bed & Breakfast (S1e07)

If a Fish Called Tina is bad, then Bed & Breakfast is flaming garbage. Linda turns their apartment into a Bed and Breakfast, and Linda goes berserk when the guests don’t play into her expectations. This episode verges from below average to detestable as Linda goes insane and locks people in their rooms, and Louise drives a grown man to attack workers by preying on his fear. 

#3 BEST: The Hauntening (S6e03)

This is hands-down the best Halloween episode that Bob’s Burgers ever made. This show turns out some amazing holiday episodes, and this is one of the best the Belchers have to offer. I won’t dare give away anything about this episode. If you’ve seen it, you know why it’s top of the heap, and if you haven’t, then all I can say is what are you waiting for? Delayed gratification has to pay off eventually.

#2 WORST: Every Which Way But Goose (S9e14)

Tina falls in love with a goose. Who smoked crack before writing this episode, and who huffed enough paint thinner to approve this episode for production? This is the absolute dumbest concept for an episode I have ever come across. Who thought this was a good idea? I can’t even pinpoint the flaws because this entire episode is just so flawed. At least Mazel-Tina and Boywatch enrage me. This just baffles me.

#2 BEST: A Few Gurt Men (S7e11)

When Mr. Ambrose accuses Mr. Frond of stealing his yogurt from the faculty lounge, the case is brought before student court, and Louise is tasked with acting as Defense Council for Mr. Frond. One thing Bob’s Burgers does well is mysteries, and this is a good one as Louise has to figure out a way to prove Frond’s innocence. This is just an absolute personal favorite. Every character is just on point, and I get excited when the episode starts to que up.

#1 WORST: Moody Foodie (S2e07)

Did you ever want to watch the Belchers commit a felony? Then boy howdy do I have an episode for you! A picky food critic responsible for shutting down restaurants comes to Bob’s Burgers. Bob messes up the order, and a visit to the critic’s house to get him to try his burger again leads to a hostage situation with the critic tied to a chair and gagged in his own home. Words cannot describe the depth to which I hate this episode. The entire episode feels dirty and vile. I feel the need to scrub my skin raw after sitting through this episode. The instant I realize that it’s come on, I skip the the next one. I have literally only sat through this episode once. This episode disgusts me. This episode has the main character, abduct somebody in their own home. Then they take a second hostage when a mailman delivers the guy’s package. Luckily, Bob’s Burgers has a lot of good episodes to make up for this one bad egg, but this episode enrages me to the point that if the family wasn’t so charming and endearing most of the time, I might have stopped watching based just on this one episode.

#1 BEST: The Bleakening: Part 1 & 2 (S8e06-07)

The first time I saw these episodes, they played back to back without any credits in between them, and I thought it was one episode, and I didn’t even realize it was the length of two episodes. Between the amazing songs, the brain bending twists, the creative creature, the dark elements that contrast the bright lights of the holidays, and the uplifting ending, this pair of episodes stands paramount as the single greatest viewing experience that Bob’s Burgers has to offer.

Favorite Friend of the Kids: Regular-Sized Rudy

First appearing in Carpe Museum, Rudy came back in The Kids Rob a Train, where he has remained a friend of the kids since. Rudy was the first to join the kids if you don’t count Andy and Ollie who seem to dip in and back out as to whether they’re included in the friend group. Rudy was thus the first to be made a main member of the kids’ friend group.

Favorite Schoolyard Seven: Jocelyn

The Schoolyard Seven is the friend group of the three Belchers, Jimmy Jr., Zeke, Tammy, and Jocelyn. Not counting the Belchers, it was a close call between Zeke and Jocelyn. Tammy and Jimmy Jr. tend to be typecast as serving one niche thing, but Zeke and Jocelyn are often the comedic gold. However, while Zeke is more interesting of the two, I just enjoy Jocelyn too much to not give her the win. Even if Jocelyn’s humor is just a walking dumb blonde trope, like Gene, Jocelyn has a knack for funny one-liners. If the groups has another name, I’m not privy to it.

Favorite Friend of the Family: Micky

Though he’s less connected to the family now, Micky has been a friend to the Belchers since Bob Day Afternoon, and returning in Bob Fires the Kids. Since his introduction, Micky has gotten a job at Wonder Wharf, where he has remained since.

Favorite Recurring Villain: Logan Bush

First appearing in Ears-y Rider, Logan has been a fun and interesting frenemy for Louise to match wits with. In a show where most other villains are the same age as the main characters (Millie, Tammy, Chloe, Jimmy Pesto, Hugo) Logan stands out as a legitimate bully. Yet, even he was willing to work with Louise in Mother-Daughter Laser Razor, showing that there is wiggle room for the two of them to even join forces and spread havoc together.

Favorite Tina Love Interest: Duncan

Earnest if not a little awkward, Duncan seems like a sweet boy for Tina to possibly end up with. Sasha Whiteman is another character I could easily see being a good boyfriend to Tina because his quick wit and social graces make him a great foil to Tina, and he excels where Tina falls short. Zeke has a good chance to be a good boyfriend, but Tina still spits his name when she greets him, so I doubt she’d take interest in him unless something happens to change their dynamic. I liked Josh, but now that he’s said he doesn’t like her anymore and she agreed that she feels the same, I doubt we’re going to see them date further in the future.

Favorite Side Character: Nat Kinkle the Limo Driver

First appearing in Season 8 episode 8 V for Valentine-detta, I must not be the only fan of Nat’s because she made two appearances in the 10th season, in episode 1 The Ring (But Not Scary) and episode 17 Just the Trip. Currently with only 3 appearances, she’s still only a side character, but I get the feeling that like with Rudy, Courtney, Darrel and Alex before her, Nat will keep becoming a more frequent character. She just has a great vibe, and her charisma is intoxicating. She meshes great with the family, making her an absolute delight to watch.

Favorite Bit Character: Marshmallow

Although she’s appeared in multiple episodes since her introduction in Sheesh, Cab Bob, Marshmallow has never gotten much more than a couple lines, with her biggest role being in The Bleakening where she had more to say. She was also the first major LGBT+ recurring character on the show, which also made her a joy to see, whenever she returned to Bob’s Burgers.

Favorite Headcanon: Gene is Genderfluid

Gene’s jokes have been centered on his gender or sexuality since the first season finale. A joke once in a while is one thing, but ten years of the same sorts of jokes tells the sharp viewer that there’s more to it than just a running gag. With how many jokes have Gene talk about having boobs, synching his cycle, or calling himself Tina and Louise’s sister or Bob and Linda’s daughter, it’s my opinion that Gene is genderfluid, or possibly even transgender. The only reason I say genderfluid over a transgirl is because he still also addresses himself as a boy or a man as much as he does girl jokes.

Best Song: Twinkly Lights (Ms. XXX-Mas)

Not only does Toddrick Hall absolutely kill this performance, but I also love the meaning of the song about POC inclusivity and pride in the LGBT+ community. As the final song in The Bleakening, it’s one hell of a closing number, and I can’t help but dance in my seat whenever it plays. I’ve even listened to it independent from watching the show, and honor I don’t bestow on every song.

Best Episode Archetypes:

The Best Heist: The Taking of Funtime One Two Three

The Belcher kids have stolen a number of things. Chocolate, a bounce house, but the absolute creme de la creme of their heists is the procuring of the Dunebuggy from Family Funtime. When Family Funtime unplugs the macchines whenver the kids get too many tickets from them, the kids decide to pull off the heist of a century to make off with the biggest prize of the arcade: the dune buggy.

The Kids Tell An Anthology: Moms, Lies, and Videotapes

From the Gayle Tales to The Handyman Can, the kids have told a number of anthology stories, but the most impressive of the bunch is their stories of the mother’s day plays into three interesting stories. Though true to form, Gene’s is the weakest of the three, as his usually are. I don’t recall any time when his anthology was the best of the kids’, but then, Gene is not the most creative of the three children. His best story is probably in The Frond Files where his story’s world is colorful and fun to observe.

Best Musical Episode: The Bleakening

Not only do these episodes have a lot of musical numbers, but there is not a single one that doesn’t hit a home run. But more importantly, the entire episode is a musical, with each number helping to tie and bridge together the narrative, which is the entire purpose of musical numbers in a proper musical, which makes this the single best musical episode mainly because it’s the only episode that’s a true blue musical.

Best Holiday Episode: The Hauntening

With The Bleakening already taking the top spot for musical episodes, that leaves the Miss Congeniality of the holiday episodes to take the crown. I didn’t spoil anything about this episode above, and I won’t say a thing about it now. This episode is solid gold.

Best Film Parody: The Quirkducers

Not only is this episode clever in the way it uses its source material, but the family all have moments to shine despite the stars being Louise and Gene. The show also makes good use of the Schoolhouse Seven (the main group of the Belcher Kids, Jimmy and Zeke, and Tammy and Jocelyn), and each of them brings something great to the episode. It undoubtedly earned its place in the top 10, and will likely hold its place for years to come.

[worldburnrp]

hello loves! ✨ i was just wondering if there are any sort of specific archetypes/personalities you’d like to see in the rp! im putting together my muse now, and im very excited, but im also just very curious as to what you’d like to see brought to the rp! :)

Hello! So excited you want to join us! We've tried our best to detail some ideas for you — so as for what we'd like to see, we would adore to welcome:

More members of The Brotherhood — we have a variety of open spots there, and it would be great to see them taken. Besides our last Underboss role, it would be especially interesting to have arm dealers members, henchmen, lawyers, medics, and bookkeepers. Someone with a revolutionary spirit who stands by their ideals and shares their sense of community, as that is very in line with what The Brotherhood is.

More members of The Cartel — we also have a variety of open spots there, and we'd love to see more of them around. Besides our Boss and Underboss roles, it would be especially interesting to have drug traffickers, manufacturers, dealers, henchmen, and bookkeepers. From starting drug dealers to the mega experienced; from someone just trying to make ends meet to those really wanting to make their mark, or get a cut of this empire.

More of the NYPD — there, it would be incredible to see more cops/detectives taken (bonus points if non-corrupt!), as well as criminal profilers and people in forensics. With the gang situation being in the state that it is, this could be your heroic-inclined character who wants to dedicate their lives to making the city better, or your jaded personality who has seen enough and little bothers them now. Maybe corruption even got to them, as it has to so many.

Within The Syndicate — while we have a good number of assassin-oriented characters, it would be fantastic to see more members of The Syndicate that branch out from that. Besides our Boss, positions like forgers, cleaners, intelligence, con-artists, information-brokers, those in the blackmarket, etc. We are very open to giving more pointers through messages, too! Here, feel free to bring your career criminal (bonus points if incarcerated before!), your specialists, your focused professionals, that person who blends smoothly into the shadows.

Within government — it would be amazing to have our Mayor taken, as well crisis managers. The political side of things is as fiery as the rest, and those two roles would complete our government team perfectly!

Television characters — while we have a good number of print media characters, it would be really fun to see more TV oriented characters taken like producers, news anchors, hosts, and reporters.

Besides that, we have an array of wonderful wanted connections here that our members would love to see taken! <3

[shima-draws]

OKAY OKAY SO I had this idea that’s similar to Reverse Falls—except everyone’s personalities/roles are swapped, so for example Stan takes the place of Ford and ends up in the portal, and Ford takes the place of Stan and is stuck trying to get him back for thirty years. Mabel and Dipper swap, as do Soos and Wendy, and Gideon and Pacifica, Candy and Grenda, etc.

They’re the same people with the same likes/dislikes and talents, but their personalities are all switched around!! So while Dipper is still mega fascinated by science and mysteries and stuff, he’s very outgoing and energetic and silly, while Mabel is more reserved and very shy about her creative passions—which leads to her being the one to find the journals, and take interest in them because they’re quirky and entertaining—and written by Stan :’) Dipper has a million different sweater vests, and Mabel has buttons and pins all over her clothes!

I see Ford and Stan’s story playing out as like, Ford was the one born with six fingers but it never bothered him much, and he was a very energetic personality as a kid, leading him and Stan into tons of trouble. Meanwhile Stan has always had self confidence issues, and he always took people calling him the “lesser twin” to heart, despite Ford encouraging him not to. Stan always had an interest in the mysterious, as well as Ford, but Stan’s fascination of it stemmed from his own anxiety issues, and found that he could relate a lot to the weird and unusual (because really, a lot of them were like him, labeled as weird and dumb because of his “mental” issues)

Rest is under the cut because it got LONG lol

This all came to a head during high school when Stan started writing fiction;; and really GOOD fiction at that. He couldn’t outwardly express himself and his interest in the supernatural, but he could do that through fiction, which made everything so much easier for him since he has social anxiety! And he found he was really talented at it. Which leads to a great big story writing contest, and the principal telling Stan that if he wins he can get a scholarship and go to college for writing. (The principal also says Ford is going places, too, but the things Stan can do will get him far, while Ford will always be stuck with the more…disapproving of careers. Assuming writers are a big hit, and scientists are just seen as frauds and losers.) Stan gets REALLY excited about this, which bums Ford out a lot because he wanted to do the treasure hunting thing and search for anomalies together, but Stan protests saying this is his passion and he’s finally being given an opportunity to do something good and worthwhile with his life.

The night before the contest, Ford sneaks in to the library where all the entries are set up, and accidentally mixes Stan’s story up with someone else’s—the pages get all intermixed and weird, and he quickly leaves before he can fix it because he’s about to get caught by night security (but he THINKS he got the pages in order when he in fact did not). The next day the judges read Stan’s story and say it makes no sense, it’s all out of context and the writing is all over the place and sloppy—so Stan loses. Of course he realizes that something must have happened, and after seeing a pen that belongs to Ford on the floor, he realizes what Ford has done. Which results in their enormous fight, and Ford is the one to be thrown out of the house.

Ford still manages to make it into college anyway, despite being homeless for a time, and starts studying hard. It’s not…a good college, at all, and he gets roughed up a lot and teased by frat boys, and struggles endlessly to make ends meet financially, and battles with intense depression. But he manages, somehow :’)

Stan, on the other hand, is so torn up about Ford leaving that he is essentially writers blocked—and he can’t write anything of any worth for a LONG time. Eventually he’s forced to get a low paying job in Glass Shard, wondering where it all went wrong, and missing Ford fiercely but still too upset to reach out. (He’s sure Ford is doing fine on his own, anyway.)

Eventually Stan manages to catch the attention of a publishing company along the way, and gets enough money to finally move out and continue his work! Which leads him to Gravity Falls, a place rumored for being weird, so Stan goes there to get inspiration for his writing, and starts a new life.

Ford, meanwhile, has graduated from college, but with a degree from such a shitty place he’s turned down for many job offers. He essentially starts traveling around the country, trying and failing to get noticed, and things start getting really tight for him moneywise, and people start chasing him down to repay his college debt. Yeah. It’s bad lol

Stan decides to call up an old friend of his that he encountered working part of the industry, Susan!! Susan happily comes up to Gravity Falls to act as an “editor” of some sorts for Stan’s latest in-progress novel. Stan also starts keeping a record of all the weird things he sees in Gravity Falls in a journal—and as time passes, the more he gets involved, and the more crazy he gets about discovering the source of all the weirdness there…which leads to him discovering a cave full of symbols and eventually ends up summoning Time Baby (yes, he and Bill are swapped in this!). Time Baby tells Stan that he’s brilliant, that he can bring all of his stories to life and live out his wildest fantasies if they work together. And so, Time Baby helps Stan in order to build a portal—but not a DIMENSIONAL portal, no. A TIME portal. Because I see Time Baby wanting to extend his rule to every time period possible in this AU, but being limited by time laws and possibly a revolutionized force trying to stop him. If he gets access to a time portal he can spread his influence farther, and attempt to take over all timelines, the past, the present, and the future. And Stan, who in this AU hadn’t grown up knowing when someone was trying to con him, falls for Time Baby’s flattery EASILY, and starts building the portal with his instructions. Susan also helps, being a mechanic alongside an editor. But unfortunately, an accident during testing gave Susan a glimpse into the future, where she witnessed the horrifying truth of Time Baby’s rule. She quit the project and decided to leave Stan on his own, who realizes Time Baby’s lies and started to lose his mind as he attempted to protect himself against the overlord’s influence. Which leads to him calling up Ford!!

Ford, who is currently barely scraping by, drops everything to go see Stan in Gravity Falls, in an excited attempt to reconcile. Of course Stan is driven by paranoia and anxiety at this point, so he snaps at Ford, demands him to hide his journals, and this results in their enormous brawl. Ford gets burned, they accidentally activate the portal, and Stan falls in—to be sent to an apocalyptic future.

Unfortunately without Stan’s other journals Ford has no IDEA how the portal works. And seeing as Stan worked with a being from a future with extreme technological advancements, even with his genius he can’t figure it out right away, and especially without the other journals to help. So, as Ford struggles to bring the portal back online, he decides to take over the Shack and transform it into a science museum of some sorts. Being as outgoing as he is, Ford’s able to draw people in with his friendly personality and contagious energy, which earns him enough money to keep the Shack running. He fakes his own death (mostly to escape the mountain of debt he’s in—I know, Ford isn’t the type, but he really didn’t want people sniffing around after all he’d been through, and paying back loans is the last thing on his mind, especially since he’s avoided it already and is labeled as a criminal anyway), opens the Mystery Shack, which is home to tons of crazy inventions and neat science factoids and tours, and thirty long years pass as he struggles to work the portal again. (He tries tons of different complicated things, but nothing works. He gets very frustrated with it sometimes.)

Eventually, the summer of 2012 arrives and with it comes Dipper and Mabel! And you know, things play out pretty similarly to how the original GF universe did. Bill is an interdimensional demon who keeps track of people dimension hopping (which Mabel and Dipper inevitably end up doing once they get their hands on a space tape), Gideon is filthy rich, Pacifica is a fake psychic who has an interest in Dipper, Wendy is the girl who fixes up the Shack, Soos is the guy always slacking off and being cool (and the thought of Mabel having a crush on him is. WEIRD but consider it being like, teen Soos or smth. Soos but COOL. He could pull it off), Fiddleford is a cheeky waiter at the diner—you get the point lol.

Anyway I am dubbing this AU as UPSIDE-DOWN FALLS! (I apologize if anyone else has ever had a similar idea, but it just popped into my head and I couldn’t disregard it man;;)

Also I feel that Ford and Stan might eventually go traveling the dimensions, or a mishap occurs and they get separated or something—and Ford runs into the regular GF verse Stan, and he has a great fondness for him because they’re practically the same. (Stan won’t admit it but he really likes Upside-Down Ford too.)