#and i wish i could tell younger me who was afraid to even participate in a recipe that 'you'll actually like cooking someday'

[powdermelonkeg]

It gets better

You're burning rice now, and the vegetables you sauté only come out half-cooked

You're almost afraid to go into the kitchen at all because that was your mother's domain, not yours

You don't want to dirty more dishes

You don't want to waste more ingredients

How does this appliance work? Where's the instructions? Why aren't they clear enough?

You can't dice tomatoes; they squish into pulp and you have to toss them

You can't make bread; it's too dense, too hard, and you can't make yourself eat it, even though you feel obligated to

You're afraid to turn the beater on, because remember last time? Where you messed up?

It gets better

Someday, you'll make your best friend a bunch of mini quiches so she has a quick breakfast whenever she wants

Someday, you'll make double servings of your favorite food from memory

Someday, you'll accidentally make gelatin that's still got heat from the last time that pan cooked peppers, and you'll learn a little more about how spice works

Someday, you'll improvise a recipe you've never even tried unaltered before, and you'll make a perfect pumpkin cheesecake

And the cookies will be a little too hard, and you'll lament not eating them as dough

And you'll forget about the half & half you asked for, and have no idea what you want to do with it

And you'll linger on your failures less and less, because that cheesecake turned out perfectly

It gets better

Keep trying

[saltsacc]

"The Weight of Stones"

Part 2

“Where is she?” My eyes fluttered open at loud voices. Two. “I don’t know bro, she’s usually here.” I stifled a groan. 

Lo’ak and Neteyam. 

“Zasza is here, so she didn’t leave.” At her name the ikran in question huffed and shook herself awake, hissing at the newcomers. 

“Chill out Za, we’re just looking for--” I heard the pause and huffed disdainfully. “There she is.” When Zasza moved her wings, I must have become visible to the pair. 

“I am resting. Leave.” I heard steps come closer. Neteyam had been silent, perhaps more perceptive than his younger brother. 

“C’mon. Dad was looking for you. You’re lucky we didn’t tell him where you sleep.” At that I pushed myself up, hissing in both pain and incredulity. 

“You are lucky I am still alive to take the brunt of your father’s anger. Foolish Lo’ak.” He had the same impertinent look of shock as his father. 

Truly replicas of each other. 

“Hey! You didn’t have to follow us! You chose to!”  

Hot tempered and stupid. His father’s child. 

“You forget how often I am saddled with your safety.”  I glared, hot and fierce. Zasza began to huff but I waved her to fly off. She would not do well in such a charged atmosphere. I walked closer to boy. “You are selfish.” I could tell this hurt him. 

Good. 

Neteyam, ever the dutiful brother, stepped forward in his defense. 

“Enough. Lo’ak has already apologized.” I scoffed; I had not heard a word of sincere remorse from that boy in years. 

“And you, you are a coward. Afraid of your father.” Neteyam pulled his lip back but offered no word in his defense. I couldn’t resist the jab.

“But I am not. I will go see your father. I do not need an escort.” With that, I turned my back on them. 

Good riddance. 

The walk to the Olo’ Eyktan was supplemented by the occasional look and whisper. In my injury I had not been subtle in my admonishment of Jake Sully. 

This would not be fun. 

Now that I was clear-headed, I found I did not regret my words. I was truthful, and if anything, much too kind. 

My life was not a meat shield. 

While the boys did not specify where I was to find their father, I knew. 

After yesterday’s spectacle he would wish to speak to me in privacy, a place he was most comfortable-where I had no familiarity. 

I stood outside Jake Sully’s family tent asNeytiritugged little Tuk along and out of the way. She made eye contact with me, searchingly. The glance was short, as Tuk garnered her attention by bolting in a different direction. 

I snorted; she would not be a buffer. 

Taking a deep breath, I entered the den. 

Jake Sully stood facing the entrance, and made direct eye contact as I walked in.

He looked tired. 

I shook off any empathy I might feel and kept my pace as fluid as possible, before stopping a good few feet in front of him. 

Silence. 

“You wanted to see me?” He was still, coiled, and resolute. He heaved a sigh, shaking his head.

I would not like this.

“Yes, I needed to speak with you. Due to your recent behavior and insubordination, I’m grounding your participation in raids for the foreseeable future...” The world went still. I could hear ikran above, and the murmur of na’vi outside-but it did not register. “…this includes hunts...” He sighed, as if he was being forced to continue. “…and flying.”

And the world exploded. 

“You do not get to do this.” My voice, thankfully, did not shake-but it was close. “You do not get to do this to me.” He essentially ordered me from leaving High Camp. High Camp full of na’vi I did not even like. Na’vi that would whisper and fret over the orphan child who cannot leave, by order of Olo’ Eyktan. To weave and make nice with people I did not wish to. To be banned from flying with Zasza, my only friend. 

To suffer consequences at Lo’ak and Neteyam’s hands once again. 

He laughed, almost as if amused but with darker and more desperate undertones. He crossed his arms, getting in my face as he was known to do. 

“Yes, I can. I am Olo’ Eyktan, and I’m ordering you.” I felt the brush of tears and took a gasping breath. My heart was fast, and my blood was cold. 

No, he did not understand. 

He backed up, dragging a hand down his face. 

“Listen. I’m doing this for your own good. A learning moment.” 

I hate him. 

I hated him with every piece of my soul. 

“You’re still young, and without any parental guidance, I consider you one of my own.” He placed his hand on my shoulder. “This may seem harsh, but you have to learn.” 

The hand on my shoulder burned. 

Everything burned.

And then it didn’t.

Something ended. It was like hearing the soft ‘snip’ of a thread pulled too tight. It was not drastic, or all consuming. It was as if I was a cup too full, and someone had just turned it over. 

Empty. 

There was truly nothing left for me here, at High Camp. 

Without much thought I lifted my hand to push Jake’s outstretched one from my shoulder. 

I was free. 

Free from the constraints of Jake Sully and his foolish children. Free of fighting wars that were not mine. Free from having one foot in the grave at the behest of another. 

I would secure that freedom. 

“I would sooner drag a knife across my throat, than be considered one of yours.” 

The words were whispered, but they were there. They were heavy and with them, carried the sense of my new resolve. “You are not my Olo’ Eyktan. You are a fool, unfit toask anything of me.” I spit at his feet, a great dishonor to na’vi. I hoped he understood the disrespect. By the pulling back of his ears and the sucking of breath, he did. 

“Rutak. I die from Omaticaya, and I leave a stranger.” Rutak was an old right, invoked to dismiss oneself from a clan. The immediate translation is to banish the self. 

With no delay I spun and exited the tent. 

I must find Tsahik. 

I heard heavy bounding behind me and began to run. 

Tsahik must perform Rutak for it to be acknowledged by the clan. 

The foot falls were fast. 

Fuck, even Neytiri would do right about now. 

In front of me was Mo’at. Next to her was her cluster of grandchildren, and Neytiri.

Or both will do.

“TSAHIK!” Just as I called her a hand fastened itself on my forearm yanking me to a stop. Without much thought, the knife from my waist was unsheathed and cutting the air between me and Jake Sully. He leaned back to avoid it, freeing my arm as I defensively crouched. 

“Ai! What is the meaning of this!?” Neytiri bounded past her family, pushing her youngest into her grandmother. 

I did not stand from my defensive position as she went to stand with her mate. He opened his mouth to speak but I beat him. 

“Rutak.” I watched Neytiri still, and I heard the gasp behind me that could have only come from Mo’at. There was silence and Jake looked between the dark glance of Tsahik and his mate, the only two who had any reaction to the word. I heard murmuring from the Sully children, but I could not afford to take my eyes off of the bigger threats. 

“Neytiri, what is Rutak?” Of course, he did not know. He did not grow up with the stories of fallen clans and ancestral rules. Neytiri did. 

“Children, leave.” A wave of discontent came from that direction, and I heard the wizened voice of Mo’at chime in. 

“Girl, you do not know what you ask.” She came to stand with her daughter and son. Tail flickering and eyes searching. 

“I know full well what I ask.” Mo’at took a step as if to remove my weapon and I let a full-bodied growl escape. She halted. 

“If you do this, you will have no one.” A laugh pulled from the bowels of my chest. 

None of them understand. 

“I have been alone my entire life.” The knife in my hand felt heavy. Of all clan members, I respected Mo’at most. 

Mo’at with her discerning gaze and her ability to read the room. She who bandaged me after fights, both as victor and loser. Mo’at who tugged at my hair, unkempt as it always is, when I refused to seek her aid. I fully faced her, pulling up slightly to ease my position. 

You are the closest.

“Tsahik, I have never asked you for anything.” My ears pulled back straight into my scalp and my tail lowered. “Please. If you know anything of me, you’ll offer me this.” Mo’at looked pained, eyes never leaving me. Neytiri spoke next. 

“Rutak, is a warrior’s banishment...” I looked over to Jake Sully’s wife as she spoke. “…Rutak is, a choice a hunter may invoke when they do not agree with their Olo’ Eyktan…” She looked to her husband and his wide-eyed shock. This time her voice was lowered. “…when they wish to sever all ties with clan. It is often called the forsaken flight…” At this she spun to me, angry and spitting. “…And it is not for children to decide!” I bared incisors at her. 

“If I am old enough to fight your war, I am old enough to leave it!” I turned on my heel from her. I moved to Mo’at and gripped her bony shoulders between my hands, dagger forgotten and dropped to the floor.

“Tsahik. I will not spendmy life under the thumb of him. I hate this place; you have always known that about me.” Mo’at took shaky breaths and turned from my gaze but followed her with my head, so she was forced to look at me. 

“Mo’at. I am begging you.” I took one of her reluctant hands and place it one my chest, right above my heart.  “I do not belong here.”  She made a hurt noise but did not remove her hand. Her eyes were sad. 

I will only miss you, Mo’at. 

She heaved a shaky breath, before her hands moved to cup my face in what can only be described as lovingly. 

“I have not seen this through Eywa.” I sighed and I leaned into her hands in my last moment of vulnerability with her. 

“…I am not asking Eywa…” 

We stood like that for a moment as she looked into my eyes, searching for any part of me that might be unsure. A moment later her hands lifted from my face. 

“I will grant you Rutak…” A great sigh left me and I closed my eyes in relief. 

“Mo’at no! This is-!” She held up a hand to Jake Sully. 

“But not today.” Cold dread filled me. 

“What?” She looked me over, circling me, tutting when she saw my arm. 

“In three days’ time, I will grant you what you wish. You must first heal.” She came back to the forefront of me, scooping my knife off the ground and placing it in my palm. 

“You have a long journey ahead of you.” 

I looked into Mo’at’s pained eyes, and I hoped she could only see steely resolve. 

“Thank you, Tsahik.” 

With that, it was done. Once granted by Tsahik, Olo’Eyktan could not interfere. If customs were as rigid as they once were-he would not even come near me. 

Clearly times have changed. 

“What do you mean?!” 

“Wait! She’s leaving?” 

“She is a child!” 

“What do you mean, I can’t interfere!?”

I shared one last glance with Mo’at before bounding towards my ledge. 

I had three days to prepare.  

Neytiri would only hold him back with explanations as long as it took to hear them. He did not know where I slept, I would be safe and out of sight. 

If I could just get there. 

I pushed past a silent Neteyam and shell shocked Lo’ak. 

I did it. 

The short journey to my hideaway among the uppermost cave system was filled with an elated sense of achievement. Atop my resting place sat Zasza, preening gently. 

“Hello my friend.” I moved to brush my hands along her face and the strong muscles in her neck. “We are going on a journey soon…” She puffed, liking the attention. “Very, very far away.” She keened. 

Finally, it would be just me and Zasza. 

[igotanidea]

The Raven's daughter: Morpheus x Matthew's daughter part 7

previously: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6 (catching up is highly recommended)

Part 7

A kickass party

-Well, sure as hell it took you long enough- Kat greeted her friends, fairly annoyed – do you wish to tell me what kept you.

- Not really, but you’re not gonna let me of lightly, are you.

- Not a chance.

- Great. Because that’s exactly what I need – relieving the most terrible day of my life – y/n entered the cafeteria and started to study the menu for the day. Nothing particularly interesting and she was wondering if maybe she should skip the meal, but the rumbling in her belly had different plans.

- Oh come, on, y/n. Spill the bean – Kat had already made an order and now was dragging her friend towards one of the tables.

- I got suspended.

- what? – Kat snarked – the golden child got punished? Oh God! What did you do you rebel?

- I called the classes off. Nearly anyone showed up so there was no point in conducting it. Or at least it seemed like that at the point. Clearly a mistake from my part – y/n sighed

- How long?

- Three days. Gadling will be assigned to my students until next week, can you imagine that?

- Well, he is hot, so maybe you could use that as an excuse to ….

- Kat!

- What? You can’t stay single forever, you know. You are not getting younger and skinnier, girl. And speaking of boys, I’m actually pretty glad you got so much time on your hands now.

- Yeah, thanks for lifting my spirits, my friend. What’s your idea than?

- A party!

- A party? – y/n looked at her confused – are you serious.

- No. I’m not. You are making up for both of us. Thus, you have to let go of all the tension, so … party. And before you say no….

-Im down for it.

- …. Let me tell you why…... Wait? You’re actually saying yes?  Who are you and what did you do to my friend?

- It’s like in this Avril song, you know all my life I’ve been good but now….

- That’s what I’m talking about! – Kat threw a fist in the air – my girl! So, the plan…

- You’ve already made a plan?

- Obviously. I know damn well that only facts speak to you, so I just in case I prepared my case for presentation.

- Not only facts.

- Of course not – Kat nodded in agreement – you are miss imagination after all. So imagine how much fun we are going to have. Oh, and we have a third musketeer coming. – she waved a hand towards another women who was just entering the cafeteria. – Sarah!

- Morning ladies, how’s your day so far? – the elegant redhead approached them and put her designer bag on the chair.

y/n rolled her eyes. She definitely wasn’t going to repeat the story.

-Someone’s in the mood – Sarah stated

- Don’t mind her. y/n had quite an eventful forenoon. However, I did my magic to convince her to participate in our ladies’ night.

- Magic, indeed, than. – Sarah smiled.

-Oh, come on, I’m not a bore – y/n exclaimed – just ….  mature. And I can’t believe you were involved in this shenanigans, Sarah.

-To be honest, I was plan B. Kat was going to win you with arguments, and I planned on attacking with threats.

-I’m glad it didn’t come to that

- So do I. Anyhow, since I’m the only one with the car, I’m going to pick you both up at 8 sharp. Be ready.

***

Growing up, y/n was never a party animal. Well, even as a grown-up woman she never aspired for that. On one hand she watched a lot of girls who felt at a club like at home, with their fancy dresses, looking hot and feminine and wondered if she could ever be like that, on the other always believed herself to not be good enough. Being self-conscious with her body and general outlook dolling up was always out of her reach. Supposedly she was afraid to make a fool out of herself. No one really noticed that though, because if anything she knew perfectly how to cover up. And what’s more, y/n was never jealous. It was more like a guilt inside her that she is not a picture of a perfect women, whatever that may mean. And that was also the reason why she struggled with relationships as her friend nicely mentioned.

However, making a promise to Kat and Sarah she made effort to get ready. Trying to balance her own comfort and the specifics of a club she picked up a blue sleeveless trouser suit. Nothing to extravagant or defiant yet still party-like. Hair down, luckily it was best to just leave them natural. Just a quick glance in the mirror just to avoid any second thoughts and she was ready to go.

Sarah and Kat were right on time and without any further delay the girls reached the destination point.

-This was a mistake – y/n stated the very second they reached the entrance.

-Oh, come on, girl, you can’t back out now. Besides, it’s only gonna get better, you’ll see.

-Ladies, less talking, more partying – Sarah grabbed her friends and dragged them both inside.

There were so many people. Like the club was just completely full, despite the fact that it was middle of the week. This seemed abstract to y/n, who was always mature to quote her own words.

-I don’t feel good – she stated again as the crowd surrounded her pulling her towards the dance floor. – I’m gonna….  I think I’m gonna grab us some drinks, if that’s ok with you two.

-I could use a beverage – Sarah said – but you’re not going alone. We’re in this together and besides it’s better to watch each other backs, you never know what can happen.

- Sarah’s right – Kat chimed in as the girls elbowed their way through the crowd– I’ve heard enough stories about roofies to make me not want to be a part of one. Bartender! – she yelled – three shots of vodka, por favor.

-Since when do you speak Spanish?

- Since I’m trying to complete my Spanish outlook. Don’t you think it suits me? – Kat turned around. With her curly dark hair, red lipstick and tight dress she did in fact look Spain-like. As for Sarah she choose a mini skirt and strapless shirt and her hair was straightened and shiny.

- Yeah, it does – y/n took a sip of her drink suddenly feeling heavy underdressed.

- Oh no, no, no. – Kat pointed a finger towards her friend – no long face. I can read your mind, I know what you are thinking right now.

- Really? Please, enlighten me.

- You think yourself to not fit in this place. You believe you are a duff, don’t you?

- Wow. That was painful, Kat, seriously. And completely unnecessary – Sarah smacked the brunette.

-What? I’m just telling that’s how y/n feels, I never say that’s true.

-You can be such an idiot, Kat – Sarah rolled her eyes – come on, y/n let’s hit the dancefloor. This will cheer you up.

- Yeah, I’m gonna stay here for a while if you don’t mind. But you go, go have fun – I’ll join you in a minute, I promise.

When Kat and Sarah started dancing it was captivating. Their moves were intoxicating and capturing the attention of everyone around them – both man and woman. y/n was both jealous of her friends’ sex appeal and proud to be with them and sad that she herself would probably never get to be like that.

-Have you seen that red head? Man, she is hot – y/n heard a man across the bar, clearly talking about Sarah

-You don’t stand a chance man – the other one laughed – I think you might as well take your chances with her friend. You know, the one in blue, right there – he pointed a finger towards y/n. – She’s watching us right now. Poor thing, with that look she will be alone for the rest of her life. Nobody would want to touch her with that look.

Once again  y/n felt sick to her stomach. Hearing something like that was brutal and her first instinct was to flee the club, get back to her house and lay down on the bed with some good book. However, doing something like that would be like handing the argument to her tormentors. Y/n finished her drink, put the glass on the counter with a loud bang, and joined her dancing friends. Loosing herself in the music and the movement she completely forgot where she was, until she felt a hand sneaking on her waist and a strong arm pulling her outside the building into the dark alley. A little overwhelmed and light headed she had no power to oppose to whoever it was.

-Let go off me – she finally yelled as the cool air brought her back to reality.

-That one’s feisty – a man laughed – she’s gonna be a good starter before we hook up with her friends. – this was one of the group who was laughing at her at the bar, the girl now recognized him clearly.

- Trust me, you don’t want to do this – she spoke calming herself, even though her hands were shaking a little bit.

-And why is that, little one? What exactly is stopping me? I’m a man and you are a woman, you have no say in what I’m about to do.

-Honestly, I have no idea in what century you’re living, but it’s 2022. Women are actually equal to men, it not… better and definitely smarter – she smirked

- Careful, doll. Me and my friend may have quite a different opinion on that – he spated as three other man started to surround their prey.

- Once again  - you don’t want to do this.

-Oh, we do – with one step the man was right in front of the girl, grabbing her wrist, while the other squeezed her waist.

-Damn it, don’t say I didn’t warn you all. 

Y/n was quick to turn around and kicking the man behind in the groins causing him to fall to the ground. Then she quickly moved towards the one grabbing her arm, using the other to punch him straight into the nose. As for the other two -  one got a kick from a half turn which left him mazed and the other, who was bold enough to come directly at her trying to use some hand movement was knocked off his feet when y/n popped a squat and made a single leg movement. With all her punched and kick all of the men was soon lying on the ground lifeless. Even though she was safe now, the girl was shaking a bit, all of the emotions now getting out.

-y/n! – Sarah and Kat flounced off the club looking for her, terror on their faces visible when they noticed some unconscious men on the ground – what happened? Are you ok?  

-Yes! – y/n started laughing frantically – Honestly I’ve never been better.

-But… but what happened? Did you do this? – Kat pointed at the surroundings.

-Not to brag, but yes, this was my doing.

-How? I didn’t know you know how to fight

- I watch a lot of Cobra Kai, you know. After some time you learn some useful movement – y/n grinned. – Anyway I think I have enough for one night, I’m heading home. But you were right, this was fun.

-Wait, y/n you can’t walk alone at night. I’m gonna give you a lift, so ….

Before she could finish her sentence, a tall, broody man came from the shadows.

-I’ll be taking care of miss y/n, now – he spoke in dark yet silky voice.

- And who may you be, sir – Kat defensive attitude got the best of her.

- Hold the fire, Kat – y/n reassured her – he’s a … an acquaintance. I’m gonna go with him, I think I’ll be safe.

- You think? – Sarah hissed – that’s not enough for me. I’m not letting my friend get into any more trouble.

-I know how to defense myself, remember? – y/n didn’t bother mentioning that her little karate trick would be nothing against the Lord of the Dreams. – I’m gonna be fine, I promise. I got backup – she nodded as a certain Raven flew from the sky and sat right on the girls arm.

-Fine. But call me as soon as you get home. This is all weird like hell. – Kat and Sarah turned around, got into the car and drove away while y/n turned towards her visitor.

- Hello Dream, what brings you to the Waking, now?  

@marvelsmylife

@wickedly-grim

@mind-of-a-girl

@thereeallink

@lisacarolined

@boofy1998

@endlessdreamqueen

@mikariell95

@shadowluna25

@sippysthoughts

@kaoriloveskeiff

@venomsvl

[cocomoonskysailing-2016]

Reflection 🪞

When I was younger, I met someone I thought I liked. I was a shy quiet person and didn't know how to reach out so I was on Facebook messenger and text messages. I knew I was questioning my identity, and who I loved, and I thought I could trust them. I was going under a lot of stress with a family member going through cancer and I overwhelmed them with ramblings they didn't bother to read. But their parents got involved and showed the school.

I don't remember much about being pulled out of school other than it being right before Christmas. My parents knew I needed more support with social skills, but the school didn't have much they could provide me. I ended up spending 8th grade mostly alone because it felt like everyone was against me so I just stopped talking. I would interrupt conversations that didn't involve me, and didn't know the right people to approach, so I sat at a lunch table by myself. One day when I was lonely I sang out loud "someone like you" when it clearly wasn't the right time and place for it, and a trip to the guidance office to be told to stop singing, no matter how I feel.

I was removed from participating in what I wanted to do because I couldn't accept that one person out of the class didn't want me to be their friend and it felt like I was making too much eye contact. I remember being told that having a YouTube channel was "wrong" at 13 and I might regret it someday. I have all these skills in media arts, but now I hope to find the motivation to use it.

Years later as I look back now as an adult, I wish I had more self restraint in accepting rejection. It didn't help me believe in myself when I had a resource teacher yell at me almost every day for 3 years telling me I need to do better when I am trying to stay motivated and still treat people with kindness. It made me afraid of authority and being able to speak up for my basic needs. I don't remember how I graduated high school beyond mapping out every restroom break to avoid an accident, yet people started to value what I had to say, sometimes people enjoyed learning from me or listening to me. The sense of community brought me inspiration and warmth I still carry in my heart. If my voice could only reach back through the past and tell them some people need to go their own ways, so other things can glow for you.

When I look at the person I lucky enough to call my partner, they are everything I could have dreamed of. They have their own issues, but they are trying their best, and I believe they have what it takes to succeed. The importance of showing love for yourself within so it can be shared with others over time. Everything in life happens for a reason.

My inner child still screams out loud for diapers because I still get sensory overload using the toilet. I have the awareness of an adult and I know what people expect of me, but I don't always know my limits until it can't wait any longer. I still value being responsible even if taking cate if my needs looks different. I am in therapy and trying to move on from it, but I still need to try to believe myself. My twin sibling has severe disabilities that make them like a small child with no short term memory and they just locked up their bathroom door again after a thunderstorm made them have a meltdown. I need to move out someday, I do not have the physical or emotional capacity to care for him if my parents pass away, but I don't want to be labeled as neglectful when I have felt ignored for my own needs.

Normally I just throw these writings away, but maybe posting it here can reach someone? Instead of drinking alcohol tonight writing this, I'm stimming/hand-flapping to some music. I need to smile more.

[drea-exclusives]

Week 10 — Slipping Through My Fingers

At last, we've come to the final week of the weekly journal assignment. I can't help but feel somewhat melancholic that we've reached the end as this journey has brought me a lot of comfort and healing through writing out my feelings and experiences, something I've wanted to do for a long time. Nevertheless, I'm thankful to have had this space to explore and reflect on different areas of my life. Hence, this final entry will be a collective reflection on my childhood and a letter to my younger self.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

As the years pass and I get older, one thing that I find myself thinking about more frequently is my younger self. Who I was at different points in life, the thoughts I had during those times, the worries on my mind, and the fears about the future that consumed me. I find myself reminiscing about the innocence of childhood and reflecting on the times when things were so much easier. And it is just then that the daunting realisation of how much time has passed comes over me, and I am haunted by the fact that I sometimes still feel like the same person I was all those years ago; I am no longer that little girl, but she still lives inside me, and I carry her with me everywhere I go.

No matter how many times I've gone through this thought process and cycle, I can't help but feel sorry for my younger self. This sorrow follows me everywhere, especially when I look back at old pictures as they remind me of the internal struggles I faced at the time. For a long while, I questioned why I felt this immense sadness, until I realised that whenever I looked at my younger self, I could see all the insecurities and fears I had back then that I wasn't even aware of, because they still existed and are a part of who I am today.

One vivid instance from my childhood that stuck with me was during a talent show TV programme that I watched with my parents when I was nine. Upon seeing the range of talents amongst the participants, I blurted out that I didn't have any talents. Although I didn't expect much reaction from my parents, they quickly reassured me and began listing down the things I was good at, exchanging looks of concern as they processed what their daughter had just uttered. My heart sinks every time I recall this memory, because while I was deeply saddened that I was even capable of thinking this way at 9 years old, I also acknowledged that the fear of worthlessness had never left me till this day. I am still the same kid in an adult body; all the trials that I have endured were at the expense of my inner child.

Although these acknowledgements have been depressing at times, it was through empathising and looking out for my younger self that I was able to heal as I looked back and appreciated just how far I've come. To think that the little girl who was intimidated by the challenges she would have to face in life is the same person I am today is such a comforting feeling; knowing that despite how taxing those moments were, I persevered through all of them, even when I thought I couldn't. I hope she knows that I am proud of her.

But beyond that, I hope she knows that there is a future version of herself that understands her in ways no one else does, and only hopes for her to stop worrying about trivial matters or insignificant moments in life because there are so many better things ahead that await her. And I desperately wish I could tell her to enjoy her childhood instead of wishing for it to end, because time passes so incredibly fast, and she would grow up quicker than she could ever imagine. I wish I could tell her that adulting is scary and there are still many things that her grown-up self struggles with, but to not be afraid or let that frighten her, as somehow or other, things eventually work out and she would be okay.

I hope she knows that she is never alone; for as long as I am here, then she is able to overcome everything in her path, and I will always be rooting for her every step of the way.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭

Song of the Week! This song is the epitome of how I feel reflecting back to my childhood and my younger self. I first heard it in one of my favourite movies, Mamma Mia, and the song combined with the movie scene has been ingrained into my memory ever since. Though the song is from the perspective of a mother and the bittersweetness she feels about her daughter growing up, it evokes the same feelings in me towards my younger self throughout the years as I recall all the beautiful memories I've had and trials I've overcome at different points in my life, reminiscing on those precious times as well as the me who was living through those moments.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Carla Maniac [Epilogue]

[Prologue][01] [02] [03] [04] [05][06] [07] [08] [09] [10][Epilogue]

Monologue

ーー After letting the group of Purists mess with his head,

Father overestimated his own power,

and finally decided to wage war, 

against his old friends Karlheinz and Burai.

Karlheinz’ powers,

were immense. 

At the time, while nowhere near as powerful as Karlheinz,

the King of Vibora, Burai, 

was a formidable opponent as well. 

On the other hand, the King of Founders,

my Father, Giesbach, he...

ー The scene starts in one of the bedrooms at Banmaden

Carla: Father...

Giesbach: What do you want? I’m busy preparing for the fight. I do not have the time for you right now. 

Carla: ( I must tell him. That I do not wish for him to engage in such a reckless war. )

Giesbach: ...

Carla: Father...I...In regard to this warーー

Giesbach: ーー It goes without saying that you will participate as well.

Carla: ...Eh...?

Giesbach: The least you can do is repay me for everything I’ve done by giving your everything in this war.

Carla: Ah...

Monologue

I was afraid of Father. 

I wonder if it is because from a very young age onwards,

he had always been extremely strict with me.

No, that’s not it. 

I wished for Father,

to praise me. 

Like he would...praise my younger brother, Shin. 

Shin had always been Father’s favorite. 

The way he treated Shin was the exact opposite of his attitude towards me. 

I did not feel envious towards my brother. 

It’s just, I...

Even if just once.

I wanted Father to praise me too. 

If I participate in the war, perhaps that wish of mine would be fulfilled...

That was the shallow desire which lingered through my mind for a split second.

Not only did I understand my own feelings, but I felt disappointed in myself. 

I had completely allowed Father,

to wrap me around his little fingerーー

Krone: Carlaーー

Carla: Mother...!? I thought you were feeling unwell?

Krone: Don’t worry. I can handle a small stroll around the house...Cough...More importantly, Carla, please take me to Gies...

Carla: I understand.

*Rustle rustle*

ー The scene shifts to the ballroom 

Krone: ーー Gies...

Giesbach: Krone? What’s the matter? You should rest.

Krone: No. I need to talk to you. 

Carla: ( Mother, what are you...? )

Giesbach: What is it?

Krone: This fight...Please give up on waging war against Karlheinz this instance. 

Giesbach: ...Hah...Ridiculous. Quit the joking.

Krone: No. I am not joking. I am well aware. ...Why exactly you decided to wage this war. 

Giesbach: This is something all of us Founders long for, is it not? Especiallyーー

Krone: No. That is only what you want everyone to believe. (1) I’m talking about...your real feelings. 

Giesbach: ...!? 

Krone: Gies. Snap back to your senses. You are jealous...of Karl, and of this boy. 

Carla: ...!? M-Mother...?

Krone: You are fighting a losing battle. ...Isn’t that so? Even though you are fine as you are...

Giesbach: ーー Silence!!

*THUD*

Krone: Kyah...!!

Carla: Mother...!!

Giesbach: You may be my wife, but I shall not allow such insults towards me...! I am the King of Founders...!!

Anyone who goes against me is considered an enemy! Even if this person...is my own child, understood? 

Carla: !!

Krone: Cough...Gies! I’m begging you, listen to me...!!

Giesbach: Carla! Throw her in the dungeon!

Carla: Father...!

Giesbach: You will oppose me as well!?

Carla: Ugh...!

Krone: Gies...!!

Monologue

ーー And just like that,

Mother was banished to the dungeons at my Father’s hand.

Finding myself unable to go against Father’s command,

I had no other choice but to keep silent,

and heed his order. 

While she was also a Founder,

Mother had suffered from weak health since birth.

While I thought Father had finally gone crazy,

for throwing someone like that into the dungeon,

I could not oppose him.

Even after Mother had been sent to the dungeon,

forced to live her life in confinement, 

she continued to worry about Father. 

Personally,

I found this incredibly strange. 

I would constantly question,

why Mother would go that far for him? 

ー The flashback ends as Carla wakes up in his bedroom in Banmaden

Carla: ーー Ugh...

( Where am I? ...Aah, Banmaden...? I’ve come back to this place where I spent many of my years. )

( No wonder...I had such a strange dream. )

Yui: ーー Carla-san? 

Carla: You...

Yui: Thank god. You look a little better. 

Carla: ...

Yui: You want to ask why I’m here, correct?

Carla: Yes.

Yui: I already told you before. 

Carla: Still, I can only assume you’ve lost your mind...for coming here like it is the most normal thing in the world. 

Yui: ...Maybe I have. 

Carla: Excuse me? 

Yui: I might have gone crazy. 

Carla: ...

Yui: I still haven’t quite sorted out my thoughts either...However, I came here out of my own free will. 

Carla: You should have been able to escape. 

Yui: Exactly. ...But I followed you instead...

Carla: ーー That does not make any sense...Give me one good reason why you would do that.

Yui: T-That’s easier than done...

Carla: If you cannot answer my question, then I have no other choice but to assume that you were trying to kill me in my moment of weakness...

Yui: ( No way! Uu, this is bad...What should I say...? )

Right, it’s my instinct...Or rather, it’s compassion...

ー He steps closer

Carla: Compassion, you say?

Yui: After witnessing you trying to bear everything by yourself, keeping quiet to others about your own disease...I couldn’t help but pity you...

Carla: Do not be ridiculou...Cough...Ugh.

*Rustle*

Yui: ...! You shouldn’t be getting up just yet. Please lie down...

Carla: ...I cannot believe someone like you pities me...As the King of Founders, I have fallen from grace...

*Rustle* 

Yui: ( ...He must be feeling quite bad...Usually, he would have nearly killed me by now... )

Carla: ... 

Yui: ーー Please get some rest. I’ll be here next to you...

Carla: ...Get out of my sight.

Yui: I understand. But not only is this castle very big, it’s kind of scary with nobody around...

Carla: ーー Nobody, huh?

Yui: Yes...Mertz-san left taking the Familiars with him so...It’s just the two of us. 

Ah, he left saying that he would return to the human world for now. 

Carla: ...

Yui: ( ...He seems sad for some reason... )

Um, this castle...

Carla: This is the castle of us Founders...called Banmaden...

Yui: The Founders’...? 

Carla: This is the castle where our species lived in the past.

Yui: In the past? So where are they now? 

Carla: ーー Gone.

Yui: Eh...?

Carla: Everything is gone. I suppose you could say that...this is the former site of a transient dream. 

Yui: ...

Then when you talked about being imprisoned before...Where did you stay?

Carla: Right here. 

Yui: Eh? I was convinced that...

Carla: After suffering defeat in the war, our entire race was banished to this castle. 

Yui: ...I see. 

Carla: Exactly. The entire Founder race paid the price for my Father - the former King - and his stupiditiesーー 

Yui: It must be hard on you.

Carla: Why? 

Yui: Eh? I mean....I believe that seeing your family fail or be in pain hurts just as badly as if it happened to yourself...

Carla: ...Is that so? However, I suppose my past self...might have felt the same way. 

In fact...I was terribly afraid of my Father, yet at the same time, wished for him to acknowledge me...

However, right now, I find it hard to forgive him. Even if he may be my own Father...Look at everything he did to the fellow Foundersーー

Yui: Carla-san...

Carla: Tsk...I said too much. Come on, you should leave this castle. 

Yui: Eh?

Carla: I do not need your pity. Do not be ridiculous. I was raised here, and was always alone.

So I wish to meet my end by myself as well...

Yui: What...did you just say?

Carla: Honestly...It always baffles me how dense you are. I am suffering from an incurable illness. 

The same disease which is responsible for the loss of all of my comrades who once lived in this castle. 

It goes by the name of Endzeit...

Yui: No way...

Carla: I’m out of time. Now go. 

Yui: ...

 ー The scene shifts to the entrance hall

Yui: ( ...I had no idea Carla-san went through all of that... )

( He was well aware...of his own disease. That’s why he got so upset... )

( However, right now he can’t even lash out at me... )

Why does he need to be this stubborn...?

( Wouldn’t he actually want to be with Shin-kun right now? I’d like to approach my final moments together with my family. )

Ugh...

( What...should I do now? )

ー The scene shifts back to the bedroom

Carla: Haah...So she left...

( Now I am finally...all by myself. Almost as if...Time has reverted to right before I snuck out of this castle... )

Cough...Ugh...

( I cannot allow anyone to see me pitifully rot away. )

( I am a proud First Blood. Right, at all times... )

( Even if I am all by myself. I will accept my fate with grace. )

Haah...

( However... )

ー The screen fades to black

Carla: ( Why do I feel so restless inside? )

( Her scent still lingering in this room upsets me...No, that’s not it. This sensation... )

( Ugh... )

ー The scene shifts to the park in the human world

Mertz: ーー Ah, you have arrived. I have been waiting for you. 

???: ...

Mertz: I do not have much time to explain all of the details, so let me get straight to the point. 

The King of Founders has fallen ill. Which is why...He has chosen to disappear from the public eye.

The Lunar Eclipse in the Demon World will soon come to an end. We must hurry.

Please, make up your resolve as well. 

Let us go together.

ー The scene shifts to the forest in the Demon World

Mertz: Fufufu...Haha...Hahahaha!!

It appears that the moon is on my side. 

All the pain and suffering was worth it in the end...!!

The party can commence...Wait for me...Karlheinz...

And you too ーー My beloved...

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) ‘Tatemae’ and ‘honne’ are two pivotal concepts to Japanese culture. The first refers to everything a person does or says because it is socially accepted or what is expected of them. (Regardless of whether they agree with it) Meanwhile, ‘honne’ (lit: true sound) refers to how someone truly feels or thinks of something/someone. 

Within Japanese society, it is common to act for the group rather than the individual, so tatemae is seen as being considerate towards those around you. Meanwhile a lot of Westerners will interpret it as being two-faced. 

[wonlouvre]

hello! i see your requests are open again 😌 can i request jeonghan x reader, enemies to lovers kinda thing maybe where they have the same friends but jeonghan & reader always clash etc etc fluff at the end idk

i know you’ll come up with something amazing as always, do what you want with it 😘🥰💗

balance | y. jh. 

pairing: jeonghan x reader genre: enemies to lovers (kind of), fluff warnings: heights, ski mountain mechanical malfunctions (you know, dangling in the air kind of thing)  word count: 1.5k (i got carried away, im sorry)

💌: thank you so much for requesting!!! this was honestly fun to write although there was little to none banter, i’m so sorry :’( thank you for trusting me! i hope you like it <3 i will try to post at least two drabbles/requests per week :)

To you, Yoon Jeonghan was the type of person that looked like he would trample all over your principles in life. It’s a little dramatic of you but he can’t blame you for thinking so. He’s cocky, annoying and full of shit. The two of you stepped off on the wrong foot when he thought it was funny to pour sparkling water on your instant noodles as a prank during one of the traditional ski trips your group of friends always hold.

Soonyoung introduced him on what was supposed to be the best trip of your life only to get ruined when he made fun of you. Although technically speaking, your cup wasn’t the only victim of his shenanigan because the rest of your friends complained and threw it at the perpetrator before they could even finish eating. But you were hungry and stubborn, so you didn’t let it go. 

Ever since then, despite not confronting him, Jeonghan’s energy and wholebeing never clicked with yours. You barely speak a word to him and you rarely hang out with him, unlike with every single one of your friends. He hasn’t noticed and even if he did, you’re sure he could care less. Which is fine by you. The instant noodle prank is history and now that this year’s ski trip will be your third with him, you have just gotten used to ignoring his existence. 

“Jeonghan’s staring at you,” Seungcheol says, startling you. 

Your eyes throw daggers at him, not because he startled you, but because of what he said. 

The tall man nudges your shoulder with his. “I’m not lying. Give him a glance and then you’ll see.”

To set the record straight, you don’t have a grudge on Jeonghan for who he is. It’s more of what he does that gives a bad impression on you. Aside from the noodle incident, you noticed how much he takes pride in teasing and playing with the gullible younger ones and you hate him for that. It’s a good laugh every once in a while but it can hurt feelings at times and you don’t want that. He also likes to disagree and debate with everyone (you’re just glad you haven’t been a victim yet). When everyone else says yes, he’ll boldly say no. That’s how moronic he is to be friends with. 

Of course you acknowledge his good deeds. Whether you like to admit it or not, Jeonghan is a great friend. He is a beacon of strength among you knowing that he’s one of the oldest in the group. He knows where and when to have fun. He knows when to be there for anyone who needs him. He’s supportive. He’s loving. He’s more than okay. 

You’re just turning a blind eye because you’re still petty. 

It has come to your attention that apparently, Jeonghan has been harboring a crush on you. It’s a stupid rumor and you choose to ignore it because why. Why would he have a crush on you? You try confirming if it’s true by looking at him and observing his actions whenever he’s not paying attention. But to no avail, nothing special stood out.

In fact, it seems like all the staring and observation made you develop a crush on him. Now that’s even more annoying. 

You roll your eyes at Seungcheol’s nonsense and walk away from him to go to Jeongyeon who’s currently checking in everyone to the hotel. You might as well help her register everyone to all the activities you will be participating in. 

“Collect their IDs,” she orders without looking up from the form she’s writing on. “And tell them to fall in line so they can sign the consent form.”

“Told you we should have filled out the online form before getting here,” your complaint doesn’t go unheard by your friend who only glares at you, scaring you to immediately obey her instructions.

“IDs please,” you ask with your hand out and your friends happily complied as they chatted through the waiting time. You walk around to make sure you have everyone’s and as you double check, one last ID was missing. 

“You didn’t forget about me, did you?”

The devil himself, Yoon Jeonghan.

You take a deep deep breath before turning around and face the handsome face you’ve been sick of. Wait, did you just call him handsome?! 

Jeonghan flashes his signature smirk while pulling his wallet out from his pocket, picking one of the many cards inside it to hand to you. His gloveless fingers grazes yours and it concerns you why it made your heart skip a beat. You avoid his gaze and everything else about him and run back to Jeongyeon who’s the one asking for these in the first place. 

You heard his low chuckle and you wish you could wipe off his annoying grin with your fist. 

Moving on from what happened in the early afternoon, the rest of the day was pleasant enough for you and your friends to continue. Everyone had lunch at the local restaurant first before doing the group activities. It’s a good thing none of you are afraid of heights (except for Dokyeom, but he manages). Soonyoung leading everyone to hike the safe side of the snow covered mountain wasn’t a problem for him. 

After the quick mountain hike, you all scattered to have fun and decided to meet up for dinner in the evening. You, Jeongyeon, Dokyeom and much to your dismay, Jeonghan all went up to snowboard. 

The lift was supposed to carry the four of you up to the starting point before your adrenaline descend, but Dokyeom suddenly felt a wave of fear of heights and needed to calm down for a few minutes. He tells you to go on ahead and you did. You just didn’t expect Jeonghan to be accompanying you instead of Jeongyeon. 

You hide your disappointment and bewilderment as you make yourself comfortable. It’s awkward but it doesn’t matter. You’re just going to keep quiet and avoid looking Jeonghan’s way. This ride will probably not be a good ten minutes, right?

Jeonghan holds onto his snowboard while you place yours on the floor. A barrier of some sort to distance yourself from him. Your eyes are glued to your feet, watching them move from side to side. You also distract yourself from admiring the view outside the window, but it’s hard when you can feel his eyes burning holes on the back of your head. 

“Y/N.”

You hate it. You hate it. You hate it. 

Why does your name sound so melodic coming from his mouth?

You turn your head and raise your eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. 

But the lift doesn’t let him because it suddenly stops mid-air, echoes of metals clanking and brakes screeching following suit. The abrupt stop causes the lift to shake a little, making you hold onto the metal bars out of fear. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, there has been a mechanical malfunction of the lifts and our engineers are repairing it now at this moment. We apologize for the inconvenience and fear that this has caused. We request everyone to remain calm and seated…”

The announcement falls deaf to your ears because all you hear is ringing. You’re not afraid of heights at all. But you have never experienced an incident like this before. You’ve heard and read about it and not all of them ended well. 

“Hey,” Jeonghan’s voice snaps you out of your dilemma. 

You blink away your tears and clutch your chest to calm your heart that’s beating faster and faster. 

“Y/N?” Jeonghan calls for you again, but this time he’s reaching his hand out. “You’ll be fine. Here, take my hand.”

Jeonghan probably noticed the panic in your eyes. So, after throwing away your doubts outside the window, you carefully move a little closer to him but not beside him as you don’t want to ruin the balance of the lift. You unclench your fist and finally take hold of his waiting hand. 

Jeonghan’s warm palm and genuine smile calms you down. Your heartbeat slows down and your breathing goes back to normal. Your eyebrows furrow in both fear and embarrassment. You question the universe how and why did this have to happen. 

“Hey, don’t cry.”

“I’m not!” 

Jeonghan giggles at your outburst and you don’t know if that’s music to your ears or if it just makes you want to punch his handsome face more. 

“I like you Y/N,” he suddenly confesses and you grimace. 

“I like you too,” you confess back, tightly gripping his hand. “But now is not the time, Yoon Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan bites back a smile that says he’s in love and just gently caresses your hand. It’s unbelievable how the opportunity arose itself right at this moment, but it was now or never for him. He’d explain how much he likes you in detail later. For now, he’s okay with this. 

“But, later though?”

“Yes, now shut up before I throw you out first.”

[dreamteamspace]

We hit 400 so here’s a- ✨ DREAM APPRECIATION ESSAY ✨

(by Yours Truly. Much thanks to the one, innocent anon who just wanted to ask a small talk question but hit my serotonin-providing hyperfixation.)

1. Self-esteem

I love the way he’s confident in his abilities when it’s become such a “trend” to either be completely and utterly self-depricating about your own skills out of fear of being labelled an asshole or overconfident nowadays.

At the same time you can still tell he doesn’t want to pull anyone down ever, and will always be really careful with that and take every oppertunity to lift up the people around him. Dream has a very emotional voice that gives him away a lot, so you can really tell he genuinely admires the people around him and he’s never afraid to say that they could totally easily beat him in something if he doesn’t have practice with it.

He tends to be a bit too hard on himself, so his friends always encourage him in his abilities, and that’s just. So nice. He celebrates his victories! He gets so so excited and happy when he wins in the manhunts, and I think celebrating your hard-earned victories isn’t something that should be villanized.

He won, and we should KNOW by now that doesn’t mean he thinks he’s somehow better than everyone. He has a pretty good eye on his abilities, and that allows him to really use them to the max.

2. Morality

He isn’t afraid to change the game! His adhd picks out a Cool New Thing and he just goes, You know what? Why not! His adhd goes “do this thing repeatedly another 3847 times” and he’s like, yeah sure!

Nobody expected him to release a song, but he just went for it! He’s been speedrunning so much, but he isn’t afraid to stream it every day 5 days in a row for hours while his friends bicker in the background.

Dream genuinely does the things he finds fun, but at the same time puts in so much effort to make them good and entertaining to watch and never forgets about his viewers.

He’s kidfriendly because he wants to be! Fame-wise, at this point he could definitly swear more if he wanted to (and he does when in other people’s content who don’t care about swearing), but despite that he doesn’t swear on his main because he wants his content to be accessable for everyone.

Sure, on one hand it could be for clout/money, but consider: Dream doesn’t stream the DSMP because he doesn’t want to take attention away from other people. He participates in the videos of his friends. He lets compilation channels and the like do whatever they want and even monetize his content. He lets his friends stream Road Trip on twitch as much as they want for free.

Dream doesn’t not swear just for his fanbase, but he does it because he has so so much respect for people. No matter how high he goes, he’s always consciously focused on respecting and admiring the people around him.

He has genuine respect for creators so much smaller than him, and he has respect for people in his fanbase that are younger than him. He isn’t afraid to go against the norm and STAND for that, either (see the video where he defends his stans).

And he defends his friends so much too! So much so it could almost be a little bit of a flaw sometimes, but I feel like he truly wants to learn from his mistakes. He apologizes for things even when nobody asked him to, and that just shows that he does it out of genuine guilt and fear of hurting someone.

He’s always seemed like someone who is genuinely willing to change to be a better version of himself, who isn’t afraid to challenge what he thinks and what other people think and what the norm thinks in order to improve everything for everyone.

Dream also doesn’t let any of the fame get to his head! As I said before - he’s confident in the things he’s good at, but in a way that doesn’t pull other people down, and he still remains firmly admirable of other people.

And even when OTHER people let fame get to their head (it was a while ago, but there was a video he made about five block jumps, where he added in a clip of a video of another guy doing it complete with credit and link etc. The guy was 100% alright with it at first, but when his video started getting more views because Dream’s video blew up, he started accusing Dream of “stealing” his content (when dozens of other videos of the 5 block jump already existed, and Dream could’ve just put in a clip of himself doing the jump)),,, but he insisted in his reponse that fame gets to people’s heads sometimes, nobody should blame anybody, he genuinely was never upset at him and just said that this just... happens sometimes.

He’s a very forgiving person all around, in part due to being willing to challenge his own norms and give people the benefit of the doubt JUST in case he’s wrong. He lets people enjoy things so long as they aren’t hurting anybody, like allowing people to ship him w people who are also alright with shipping, but at the same time taking a hard stance on, say, how shipping minors is absolutely wrong and should not be done ever (and he’s right).

3. Fandom

He appreciates said fanart and fanworks as well! He thinks dnf fanart is cool and he even appreciates the fanfic part of his fandom, something many ccs wish to ignore or forget it exists altogether (and it IS ofc in their right to do so or be uncomfortable with such content!), but Dream sees the work put into it and how people find connections and friendships through the fandom and appreciates it all the same.

He loves his fandom. So much. But not in the overdone, fake-feeling way I’ve seen other ccs be,,,, he’s just. Quiet and shy and genuine about it but not afraid to defend it.

He’s said before - and I QUOTE - “If you send hate to people or have sent hate to people, in the form of hateful comments or DMs, you aren’t welcome in my fandom. You’re no fan of mine”, which is the HOTTEST take he’s ever uttered and I love that. He really just went and said that. And he’s right. I like that despite how he’s usually more held back and waits things out before taking a stance, he chose this topic to really take a hard stance on and not budge and stick to it.

Pmbata has also said that he believes his fans have his back no matter what!! And that he really loves them a lot!!! And I am!! Emotional!!!!

4. ND/Adhd

He has adhd which is something I relate to personally (I have it as well sdlkfj). He gets excited sometimes!! I love how he shows being fidgety in mc, always pacing and parcouring around,, the way that in manhunts you can SEE when he’s thinking or bouncing back and forth between two options,,, or the way he gets close to people in mc to laugh with them.... He shows so much with his movements by them being quick and daring and calculated (and it’s especially hilarious to watch other people react to it in the video “mc but three people control one player”, where he’s the one moving and Sapnap and George will gasp or go “Dream!!” in surprise when Dream was THIS close to falling off a ledge, but he just laughs sdlkfjsdf).

When he’s not moving around he stands perfectly, perfectly still (which, idk if thats what all adhd ppl have, but I know I have something similar? Like when I’m nervous I’ll sometimes just. Freeze in place. No movement at all). He’s just relatable sdkjf.

There was one Manhunt extra scenes where he,,,,, stims by clapping,,,,,, the lil excited clap in the background,,, I’m gonna cry. I’m so soft for excited Dream that one is such a comfort clip for me!

He also tends to stim by getting under trap doors and then jumping back out of them, or jumping up a block and then walking back down over and over (especially noticable in The Village Went Mad tftsmp episode, where they were all discussing who the murderer could be and he was the only one moving, hopping up the log and then running back down again).

Also it is. Really Soft when he starts rambling and overexplaining something. What’s even better is that George, who is usually present at such moments, will laugh a little at his antics, and Dream will automatically laugh with him.

5. Rp/Uplifting other ccs

Dream wasn’t all THAT into the rp at first, but his server has been so strongly supporting and giving attention to smaller creators that he’s since completely rolled along with it. Being a villain in the RP is a difficult role because you will, inevitable, as much as it is just roleplay and all scripted, always get some amount of dislike from people for it.

Despite that, he’s basicly the main big villain on his own server where he let a bunch of theater kids beat him up in character and imprison him on his OWN SERVER. He wasn’t as into the rp at first, but has obviously been practicing and joins every Tales of the SMP when he can, despite getting zero clout for it.

What Dream also tends to do is find small content creators, see their talent and lift them high. His entire discord server is dedicated to give smaller ccs a place to grow, and when he first found Tubbo, Tommy, Ranboo, etc., they were much much smaller than they are now. He truly wanted to help them make it big.

He’s also added Foolish Shark and Hannah onto the SMP, both much smaller ccs (not tiny, but you get what I mean), allowing them to grow. He doesn’t stream on his OWN SERVER. He let himself get imprisoned to let the good guys win on his OWN. SERVER. He’s willing to play the villain and everything.

An interesting thing though! A lot of people used to/still do clown on Dream a bit for his sometimes uncertain acting,,, but when he’s around people he knows well (Sapnap and George, Tubbo and Tommy) we’ve seen him go ALL OUT. I have the theory Dream might be genuinely afraid to accidentally be mean to someone in character and have them misinterpret it sldkfjsdf,,, so he’s rly careful when he goes into the rp, and sometimes even when he’s in it he goes quiet, especially with other people around.

But also the fact that he needs time to feel comfortable around ppl is,, a mood,,, and adorable,,, sdlfkjsdf-

Apparently he’s also shared his youtube algorithm secrets with Tommy?? Which he had only shared with Sapnap and George before?? Dream took one look at that chaotic kid and immedietly adopted him as his little brother. He literally got up super early to rp the prison visit. Idk about ya’ll but I would die for someone first and get up horribly early for them second-

6. Friends!!

Dream?? Considers so so many people his friends?? And despite having so many friends, he also has his few closest friends (George and Sapnap) whom he would absolutely die for in a heartbeat. He WILL defend them with everything he has and loves them so so much.

He listens to them and really, truly wants them to succeed. He respects them so much and will go OFF about how good they actually are and how talented they are and how important they are to him.

I can’t even COVER everything about how much he is SOULMATES with Gorg. They live in each others heads rent-free. He mentions him all the time. They get!! So happy when they’re around each other!!! Their voices get so soft,,

And I can’t even BEGIN to explain the energy of Sapnap and Dream just moving together permanently. Imagine moving together with your best friend. Like, permanently. Into one house. They’re best friends Your Honor,,,,

Also,, remember the Techno and Dream rivalry? And Dream has recently said that he’s hesitant to make a serious manhunt against Techno because he doesn’t want there to be any feud between them or have them be compared to each other. He said that while he absolutely wanted nothing more than to beat Techno at first, now that he knows him better he just wants to be friends with him. He wants to be FRIENDS. With his, essentially, mc RIVAL. Friendly rival, but still. He doesn’t even wanna fight Techno or have ppl compare them cause he,,, wants to be friends with him,,,,

7. Vulnerability

What I feel like really sets Dream apart from some other ccs for me is that he’s willing to be vulnerable. He will tell George he loves him. He defends his friends. He sounds so, so genuine when he tells his fandom that he loves them.

What’s just really rare to see, especially in male ccs, is that vulnerability. It’s becoming more acceptable as time goes on, but it’s certainly not easy, and a lot of people become and stay long-term fans BECAUSE they can see how genuine he is.

I know Dream looks up to Mr. Beast a lot, for example, but honestly? I think he’s a little better than Mr. Beast. Because he feels more genuine, more bound to what he believes is right. I’m sure Mr. Beast isn’t a bad content creator! But ultimately they have different target audiences and I’m very glad Dream is the way he is.

Less of that insecure masculinity and more willing to be vulnerable, to care about things, to get emotional and to encourage and uplift the people around him.

8. Pure Brainrot

Green boi has nice deep calm soothing voice. Little shy laugh. Wheeze laugh. Gorg live in his head rent-free. He lov friends. He lov block game. He good at block game,,, a little shy but confident,,, big heart,,,, soft voice,,,,, rambles sometimes....

He also Gender. He’s so gender. I don’t know how else to describe it. I want That. Whatever That is. My gender is Dreamwastaken

[jamilelucato]

Popcorn Taste [F.W]

Pairing: Fred Weasley x reader

Summary: It’s a bit awkward spending Christmas in the Burrow after what happened between you and Fred.

Warning: there’s a drunk scene, but the characters are not underage; fluffy;

A/N: of course I’m participating in my own challenge, why not? So this is Day 7- Making A Popcorn Garland for the A Very Harry Potter Christmas with @whack-ed​

Harry Potter Masterlist ||  Musical Hogwarts Series

Generally, being invited to spend the holidays with the Weasley was all you could’ve wished. This year, however, staying in that small house locked with tons of red-heads was not your first goal.

Nevertheless, when the letter arrived, there was nothing you could do but sigh and reply with “thanks for the invite; yes, I’m coming; no, I’m not bringing someone with me.”

Mrs and Mr Weasley had a special place in your heart — for all the days they allowed you to stay with them, particularly during the dark times of war, and after it, when you were alone. You had no choice but to show up and, fair enough, it wasn’t all that bad. You liked the older couple; you always laughed around Bill; Charlie had unique stories to tell, and even Percy remained quite pleasant and able to communicate when you were around.

It was the next son in line that worried your guts and caused the butterflies in your stomach to fly around.

You took one last look at your flat before holding tight to your luggage before Apparating to the Burrow. It was one week before Christmas, but it was the exact day — and time — that Mrs Weasley had written for you to show up.

CRACK!

The loud sound (of what probably used to be) a vase breaking echoed in the house, and you involuntarily ducked, even though there was no one in the living room to see you.

“[y/n]? Is that you?” Molly’s voice found its way to where you were still scared to move and break something else.

“It’s me, Molly,”— she would never allow you to call her Mrs Weasley in front of her — “and I think I broke something.”

She found her way to the living room, carefully stepping away from the broken pieces and reaching for you with her hands, firstly cupping your face and squeezing your cheeks before pulling you in a proper hug.

“It’s okay, dear! I’m so happy you came,” she whispered in your ear, before pulling you away and reaching for your luggage, not even asking if you wanted help.

“She’s been talking about you all week.”

At first, the voice seemed familiar, and it made you shiver until Molly stepped out of your sight and revealed the real speaker, standing near the door sill — and although he looked a lot like who you thought he was, he still wasn’t him.

“Hi, George,” you smiled sympathetically, slowly moving towards the younger twin, paying attention not to step on the broken vase.

He received you with a quick but tight hug. When you pulled away, your eyes searched for the other half of that pair, but you didn’t find the other identical face.

“Fred’s coming later,” George explained the question that you didn’t ask aloud.

“I wasn’t looking for him,” you denied with some charm, more out of fear of Molly listening and having second thoughts than fear of George finding out what was going on in the dark corners of your mind.

After all, you were pretty sure that George already knew.

When you surreptitiously looked back, however, Molly and her bags were no longer in the room.

“Since Mum’s taking care of your accommodation, come help me with de-gnoming the yard,” George suggested, putting one of his long arms over your shoulders and pulling you close.

“I thought this job was Ron’s,” you said, having a vague memory of a Christmas years ago, “and Potter’s.”

George smiled. “Ronniekins and Harriekins are only coming later in the night,” he explained, guiding you out of the Burrow. “But I think you’ll like to see who’s helping me out in the yard.”

As soon as he opened the door to the back, your eyes scanned the place, soon finding red hair in the wind, too long to belong to any other Weasley but: “Bill!!” you shouted, running towards him.

Bill smiled when he turned and saw you, and greeted you with a warm hug, as he always did when you spent days at the Burrow and felt left out.

“Hi, little one,” he stroked your hair before putting you back on the ground. “I think we have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Tell me about it! You’ll never know...” Bill let you vent until you saw the platinum blond woman coming towards the three of you, and she had a hand positioned at the end of her belly as if it was too heavy to carry. “Oh, my Merlin!!!”

Bill chuckled at your reaction at his pregnant wife.

You rushed to get closer to Fleur, afraid she was too slow because of the child she carried in her womb, but you slowed down when you got close, scared you could hurt her.

“Fleur! I can’t believe it! Can I...?” you looked down at where her hands were placed.

“Sure,” she said with her French accent still very strong. She smiled at you while you delicately pressed your hands on her belly, trying to feel the life growing on her. 

“How long...?”

“Four months,” Bill answered from behind you. “We wanted to be sure before telling the family.”

“And you were right in doing so,” you said between gasps of surprise — you were still very much fascinated with it. “Hey, George, when are you and Angelina....”

“Don’t even start!” he interrupted you in a protest and soon everybody was laughing, just like old times.

--

You weren’t surprised when, after a long two hours of de-gnoming the backyard and a well-deserved hot bath, you found your suitcase in the twins’ room.

Molly had installed you there for two reasons. The first was that gradually over the day, the rest of the Weasley siblings were arriving, and so the rooms filled up.

Bill and his wife stayed in his room; Percy and his wife switched places with Ginny in search of a larger one, so Ginny and Hermione were cramped in Percy’s old small room. Ron and Harry would share Ron’s room upstairs, and Charlie had his room to himself, as it was also a tiny room.

Therefore, the only room large enough to accommodate an extra mattress was the twins’.

The second reason was that you had been used to sleeping there since you were fifteen when on the hottest summer nights you ran away from Ginny’s room and were welcomed next to Fred and George. When you were a teen, you believed you did a great job being discreet, but now at 21, you reconsidered that maybe Molly always knew, but pretended not to see.

You quickly changed, afraid the boys could come in at any moment. You had heard Fred’s voice — Merlin, you’d recognize it at any distance — when you were getting out of the bathroom, so you were extra nervous when you left the room and headed to the kitchen, where the majority of the family was. Except for Fleur who needed to rest and Percy, his wife and Charlie that were in the living room.

“Here, she is!” Fred’s voice greeted you in that heartwarming way that only he had, and with just a couple of steps he reached you and held you in a tight hug, slightly taking your feet off the ground. 

“Hi, Freddie,” you whispered in his ear with a chuckle while he put you back on the floor. You saw his cheeks turning red because of the nickname and thought it was the cutest thing ever.

“Hope you’re hungry,” said George from behind Fred, but you couldn’t see him — Fred was your only view at that moment.

“Always am, Weasley,” you replied, placing your hands in the back pockets of your jeans and walking towards the smell of warm food. You had no idea what it was — you always sucked with scents — but it looked good. Fred turned in the direction you were walking, watching you.

Like you, he was scared to death that you both would be startled the next time you saw each other, but as soon as his eyes met yours, he couldn’t contain the joy and desire to at least embrace you.

The thing was, last time you two had seen each other was on a party in the twins flat, and, after a couple of drinks, you ended up kissing Fred in a bathroom. It actually happened like this:

“What are you doing here?” Fred asked when you stepped in the small bathroom of his room. He wasn’t angry, just surprised. Besides, he wasn’t naked or something — he had already done whatever he needed to do in the bathroom, but he needed to wash his hands before leaving.

“I know you said for us to use the guest bathroom, but whoever is in there hasn’t left since,” you sighed, staring at him slowly, taking your time to appreciate the view, “and I need to pee.”

“Oh, I’ll leave.”

“Please, don’t,” you said, a bit too fast. Even drunk, you noticed that you didn’t even hesitate. “It’s just... I’ll get lost in here alone.”

Fred looked around. He was drunk too, but he still had a clear idea that his flat wasn’t at all that big.

“Okay,” he agreed slowly, unsure of what else to say. He then turned to face the door, allowing you to do whatever you needed to do with some privacy.

Deep down, he loved the idea of being in a small room with you. It’s just, he was drunk, so it wasn’t the first scenario he had in mind.

“You can turn now,” you said; your voice followed by the sound of the flush. You stepped closer to the sink — there really wasn’t much space there — and after washing your hands, you were left to confront your darkest fears.

Fred stared down at you, his head above yours just like always, only this time, he was so close that it was almost terrifying. It made you weak in the knees. And you were so drunk...

“Kiss me.”

“Huh?” Fred shocked his head. He had heard you, he just wasn’t sure you wanted to make his wildest dreams come true.

“Kiss me, Freddie,” oh, the nickname — it was his weak spot, and he was so close now. Your hands cupped his cheekbone.

“You are drunk,” he stated, noticing that at any other circumstances, you wouldn’t have the balls.

“So are you,” you smiled, leaning closer to him and finally ending the last millimetres that were in your way.

Both of you remembered the kiss, even though the approach seemed to be like it never happened. It didn’t last much — someone knocked on the door, asking for Fred, saying they needed to say good-bye, and so he left you alone in that bathroom with just your thoughts and his smell all over you.

It had been two months since the kiss, and you two ignored each other since. Some nights, you wish you could’ve forgotten it, but how could you when every time you closed your eyes your brain replayed the moment?

--

“Lost in thoughts?” asked Molly as she placed some food in your plate during dinner.

You stared at her — truly lost in thoughts. She smiled, forcing you to smile back, but the corner of your mind was still thinking about Fred and the fact that in a couple of hours you’d be sleeping in his room. With him.

Dinner went well, and even the late hours by the fire — even though Ginny and Ron left you to sit on the floor. It was easy to distract yourself from Fred when he had like, a ton of other siblings to talk to. And unfortunately, that’s what you did — avoided talking to only him the whole night.

When you finally gathered enough courage, you went to the bedroom, already in your pyjamas. You came across a snoring George (how easy it was for him to sleep, it was a mystery), but Fred’s bed was still empty.

As you entered the room trying to make as little noise as possible, you realized that there was already a body on your mattress on the floor.

“Fred?”

Red hair fluttered, and in the dim light of the only candle in the room, you saw Fred’s eyes shine when they met you.

“What are you doing on my mattress?”

“Yours?” he asked in a voice not as low as yours. Perhaps he knew the limits of his brother’s hearing better than you. “You didn’t think I was going to let you sleep on the floor, did you?”

“Fred, please, it wouldn’t be a bother...”

“[y/n], just accept my bed for today. ’M already very well settled here to leave,” he debated, gesturing with his neck towards himself, where he really looked comfortable under a thick blanket.

You sighed, knowing very well, after years of being Fred and George’s best friend that there was no point with arguing. So you jumped on his old bed, trying to find a position, but already knowing it’d take you at least a couple of hours to finally sleep.

In a quick and not calculated movement, your head ended up turned on the pillow, making your breathing more limited, thus having to breathe through it.

It was a bad idea because, without warning, Fred’s scent invaded your nostrils. It wasn’t a bad smell, quite the contrary — it was very much inviting and, knowing that Fred was only less than a meter from you and remembering the taste of his kiss, sleeping was suddenly impossible that night.

You sighed, but could not move, paralyzed in that position — it was as if your body was addicted to his scent, and you wanted more and more. When you finally fell asleep, the dream that invaded your subconscious was not much different than what you imagined before you went to sleep.

--

“Popcorn duty?” asked Fred, catching up to you with just a couple of large steps.

“Yeah,” you sighed, trying not to sound so disappointed. Of course, spending time with Fred was marvellous, but since you kissed him and he never mentioned it again, it kinda seemed fair to you not want to be alone with him.

Fred didn’t notice something off with your tone, so he kept walking next to you towards the kitchen, where Molly had told you the popcorn was.

Placing yourselves next to each other, you were left responsible for holding the fishing wire, and Fred was in charge of the popcorn. You handed the point of the wire for him, who sought advice with his eyes.

You helped him with your hands — this time, you were the one to blush with the touch. You did not expect his hands to be so warm in the middle of winter.

“Do you reckon Mum would mind if we ate one?” he asked, raising a single popcorn up. “Or two?”

You chuckled at his worries, looking down at the bowl filled with old popcorn. You had no idea why he thought that was delicious. It still smelled like good popcorn, but you knew that, for these types of garlands, it needed to be ready, like, at least, one week earlier.

“They don’t look very appetizing to me,” you commented, tilting your head towards him, holding tightly to the wire since Fred seemed reckless with the thing.

“Ah,” Fred sighed, using the popcorn that he was about to eat to place in the garland. He seemed to be getting the hang of it by now. “Well, I’m just hungry,” he shrugged innocently.

“I bet. It’s not like you just ate breakfast, right?” you chuckled, and Fred joined, looking at you with the same sparkly eyes that captured your heart when you were just a kid. He had no idea that you have been liking him for so long.

“I’ll tell you what, before we go to bed, we can watch a movie and I’ll make you new popcorn,” you offered after a moment of silence. Fred wasn’t the quiet type of guy, so when the room was filled with it, something was definitely wrong.

He smiled with the opportunity you gave him. “Asking me on a date, [y/n]?”

You elbowed him, laughing nervous first, but when you realized that he was just teasing you, your laugh became more real. It was so easy to have fun with Fred.

After a few years of romantically craving him so strongly, you had forgotten that he was also a great friend.

“You wish, Weasley,” you chuckled.

Charlie walked in the kitchen, followed by Ron, and both of the brothers stared at you two for a while before getting back to what they planned on doing.

“Having fun?” asked Charlie with the cutest British mixed with Romanian accent ever.

You exchanged looks with Fred.

“No, he’s pretty boring,” you shrugged, before dropping your act and laughing out loud. 

“[y/n] won’t let me eat the popcorn,” Fred said, getting on board with your joke.

“That’s not what I said,” you raised a brow. Ron was about to roll his eyes, very much tired of your thing with Fred. He remembered you two back in school and how annoying and oblivious you two were. He was just like that with Hermione, but you were never the one to point it out. 

“I said that this popcorn is old,” you reached for one yourself, “and disgusting.”

“Are you complaining about Mum’s food?” Fred asked, dropping the wire over the table and crossing his arms, trying to look intimidating.

“She didn’t make it for us to eat it,” you pointed out. 

Charlie was leaned in the sink counter, watching the scene with a glass of water in his hands, trying hard not to laugh at the fact that you two were acting like an old couple. It kinda reminded him of when he was younger, and Arthur and Molly couldn’t stop arguing about what to do with the too-big-to-enter-the-house Christmas Tree.

“Let’s go, Charlie,” Ron called his older brother. “The ball ornaments won’t paint themselves.”

“You guys are painting the ornaments?” you expression suddenly turned blue. Fred looked down at you, feeling worried. “Oh, I wish I was painting.”

Fred bit his lip before suggesting “Why don’t you go with them? I think I can finish this myself.”

You looked from the bowl of popcorn still full with it to Fred, who had the cutest of faces. 

“Nah, you need me,” you said and then gulped at the double meaning of your words. “I mean, need me to finish this.”

Charlie and Ron exchanged suspicious looks while Fred stared at you, smiling with his eyes.

“Should we...?” Ron whispered to Charlie, who just placed his hands in the youngest’s back and pushed it.

“Just go,” Charlie whispered back, leaving you and Fred to get back to your own rhythm with things, distracted with each other.

--

When the popcorn garlands where ready, the tree was already inside the house — job done by Arthur and Bill. They had picked a beautiful tree (and to Charlie’s relief, this one fit the house).

Ginny and Hermione were the two focusing on placing the decorations on the right places, following the orders of Molly and Fleur (although the girls seemed to be paying attention only to Molly’s suggestions).

You were about to sit in the middle of Fred and George in the couch when Ron, Charlie, Percy and his wife walked in the house, holding a big transparent box filled with painted balls.

“Ow, let me see them!” you rushed next to Charlie and deepened your hands inside. “Are they still fresh?”

“No,” Charlie replied, noticing you were scared of ruining the ornaments.

The first one your hands touched you brought up, noticing it had two different names on it. In one side, [y/n] was written, but the other had Fred on it.

“Why two names?” you really wanted to ask why it was yours and Fred’s, but there were too many people on the room.

Ron and Charlie gulped, while Percy and his wife exchanged happy side looks.

“Mum wanted two names in each because she felt like our names were too short,” said Ron, but his explanation didn’t please anyone on the room, “or something,” he added a second later.

You placed the ball in your hands back in the box, and Charlie offered you a sympathetic smile.

You headed back to the couch, watching the girls finish placing the ornaments. Molly walked in, with a lot of bags on her hand, so Bill and George got up to help, leaving you and Fred on the couch alone.

“So... our date’s still up?”

You turned your face to him, at first confused, but then giggling.

“It’s not a date.”

“Did you invite anyone else?” he asked, leaning closer to you involuntarily.

“No,” you said as if it was clear.

“Then it is a date,” he smirked. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone you asked me out.”

“Oh, shove off, Weasley,” you pushed him slightly, both of you laughing. Oh, how you wanted it to be a real date.

But sure it wasn’t. It couldn’t be, right? you wondered, staring at him from the corner of your eye.

--

“Okay, they’re gone,” Fred said, calling you from the stairs. You left his room on tiptoes, scared of waking the house up and reached him at the bottom of the staircase.

You two waited for everyone to leave the living room — where the only TV in the house could be found — and pretended to go to bed as well. When Fred’s watch pointed to one in the morning, he shook your arm slightly (waking you up but you’d never confess you had slept) and you both left for your adventure.

“So what movie did you get us?”

He turned to face you, who was sitting in the couch, bringing the blanket you had taken with yourself closer to your chin.

“While You Were Sleeping,” he answered. “Seemed to be the youngest Mum had around.”

“It’s a romance,” you pointed out, tilting your head provocatively.

“It’s not a...” Fred looked up to the TV where Sandra Bullock started walking around the streets. “It’s a romance,” he sighed, defeated.

You chuckled. “I like it. But do you?”

“Ahn,” he seemed lost in thought. “It doesn’t matter.”

You had no idea what that meant, but you gave him some room to sit next to you in the couch and for him to get under the covers, while the popcorn in your lap kept you two moving your mouths.

The movie seemed quite pleasant, but it was hard to pay attention when Fred’s smell was all over you once again, the only smell your body had no problem identifying.

You gulped in the dark. “Are you enjoying it?” you asked, sure that romantic movies could not possibly be Fred’s favourite genre.

“Yep,” he answered a bit too fast. Suspicious, you thought.

“Who’s your favourite character?” you decided to test him.

“The girl.”

“Why’s that?” his answers seemed too generic so when replied this last question you made, you were surprised.

“She likes the guy, but she’s afraid to give up what she idealized. She’s scared of the new,” he said, and although the answer appeared accurate to the movie, something told you he was not talking about Sandra Bullock’s character.

You turned to face him, noticing that he was way closer to you then you thought. Perhaps all the warm did not come from only the blanket. Fred gulped when he saw you staring at him.

“I think she has a valid reason for that.”

The corners of his lips raised just a little. “What’s that?”

“The guy hasn’t been very clear about what he wants either.”

Fred gulped, feeling his cheeks burn. You were right — he wasn’t talking about the movie character.

“Kiss me.”

Oh, the sentence that has been hunting both of you down this time was voiced by Fred Weasley and that could have not left you more speechless.

So you knew what you had to do, after all, the guy was being very clear about what he wanted.

Your lips met his, this time with no rush. It was like when a hummingbird meets a flower — delicate, even though deep down very much desperate.

At this moment, you two were alone, and you had time, and you weren’t drunk. This time was going to be perfect, and Merlin, how it was! Fred had this unique way of touching you softly but fervently, and each time his hands changed position, your body twisted, wanting more, wanting him to kiss you everywhere, hoping he wouldn’t go away.

When you two finally parted, after several attempts to do so, but neither wanting to stop kissing yet, he smirked down at you, leaving your body in his embrace.

“You taste like popcorn,” he said, breaking the silence of the living room since the movie had ended and neither of you had noticed.

“I hope it’s the good one,” you smiled too, feeling surrendered to his charms.

It was good to have him around you, his body twisted with yours, and it was even best to know that he wanted you as much or even more than you craved him.

“It’s the best one,” he said, before kissing you again.

[dumdumsun]

Forever and Never

A/N: Thank you so much for taking the time to read this series ❤️ I’ve had so much fun writing this and am very proud of and excited for it, I can’t wait to see how people react to this. Um I know there are plenty of warnings for a first chapter, but I promise it’s not as depressing as it sounds. It’s just that this story can deal with heavy stuff sometimes, so I just wanna let you know that. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Warnings: mentions of marijuana, death, sexual assault and mental illness

Word Count: 3194

—————————————

One: Hi, My Name Is

“So, what was your time in Pennsylvania like?”

“Uh… I’d have to say it was the best… and worst time of my life.”

“Best and worst, huh? Would you like to elaborate?”

“Well, I, uh… I mean, I don’t really know how to, like… explain it. It’s a lot. I don’t even know where to begin… Or how I would even word it or anything.”

“Well, you told me you like television and movies, right? You know those shows and movies where the main character tells the plot as, like, their life story? Maybe you could try that.”

“You aren’t… You aren’t serious, are you?”

“You’ll know when I’m joking, trust me.”

“Oh… Okay, then. Well, um…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi? My name is… (Y/N)? This is my life story, I guess.

So, if we’re going to talk about my life in Pennsylvania, we’re going to have to start with my life in Kansas, first. I had two loving parents that soon turned into one at the too-young age of nine years, when my mom died. I remember her as one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known. She had this way about her that was so carefree, yet she gave a shit about everything. You could never pin a thought to her because she never let you in on what was bouncing around in her head. She was stubborn and patient and lively. I miss her so much. I don’t usually think about her unless it’s a particularly hectic day, which I then resort to talking to the ring I wear on my left pinky finger at all times. Wasn’t anything special, just some cheap ring with a little emerald inside she found at a thrift store. It used to be hers and she’d wear it on the exact same finger. My dad said she’d want me to have it.

My dad is my favorite person. He isn’t the most… present, though. His mind is never set in one place, always racing with hundreds of unrelated thoughts. It’s why when you finally drag him back into reality, he can’t repeat a single sentence spoken to him. Regardless, he’s all I had for a long time. I never really learned what he does for a living, but I just know that it forces him to leave town sometimes. Well, more like all the time. Before my mom died, it was easy for him to leave for weeks on end, but when he became my only guardian, he didn’t really know what to do with me. It was like he completely forgot how to take care of a child, his child. When I turned twelve, that was when he started travelling again. I would then be home by myself for a month to eight weeks. In these times, I had no choice but to learn to cook for myself, go grocery shopping and housekeep. I became pretty independent at a young age. It wasn’t like Dad left me totally alone, though. He would call every two or three days and he sent me two hundred dollars every two weeks. Like I said, I don’t know what my dad did, but he was definitely getting paid. At the end of eighth grade, Dad had a particularly long trip to go on, so he sent me to Pennsylvania, where his sister lived.

Pennsylvania was partially the best part of my life because of my family. My Aunt Pam was like a second mother to me. She was never able to have another child after my cousin Jacob and she’s always wanted a daughter of her own, so that’s what I was to her. The daughter she could never have. I’d often find her staring at me with a bittersweet smile on her face, watching my every move with a sense of pride, but when I’d ask her what was wrong she’d only brush it off as her admiring me. My Uncle David didn’t necessarily view me as a daughter, but he certainly treated me like one. When he wanted to spend time with Jacob, he included me as well. We’d usually go on drives around the town, but I always fell asleep to the soft and serene music that filled the car from the radio. On the weekends, we would head down by the lake and spend hours learning to fish.

I hated it, but I couldn’t complain. It gave me a sense of certainty to live with a father figure who didn’t leave me alone every two or three months.

Jacob was like a brother to me. He’s a year older than me, which, to him, meant that he had to protect me at all costs. I always assumed it was because he always wanted a younger sibling, and I was the closest he was ever going to get to that. I always felt as though I’d never be able to equal Jacob on an intellectual level because he practically had the IQ of Albert Einstein himself. I felt inferior to him until I found out how much of a joy he really was. On the weekends, he would beg me to accompany him in a movie marathon. I learned that Jacob was a huge fan of Tim Burton (his favorite was Beetlejuice). He’s the only cousin I’ve ever known. Mom and Dad didn’t like each other’s families, so I never met anyone besides this little family. Moving in with them meant that they’d have this huge burden on them.

Yes, I almost forgot to mention that I struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD. It just means that my mind is flooded with these crazy and unnecessary thoughts and so my behavior is affected by them. For example, if I were to blink and felt I put more pressure on my left eye than my right, I would have to repeatedly wink with my right eye until they felt balanced. Sometimes I can’t enter a room until I have inhaled eight times. If I scratch an itch on my left knee, I have to scratch the right one in the exact same place. At the sink, even if I don’t use both knobs, I have to hold both in my hands. And when I turn them off, I often have to check about four times before I am certain they’re turned off all the way. I know, it sounds tiring. Just imagine being on my end, having it be a part of who you are. I can’t do anything to stop it, I wish I could. I was always afraid to make friends because of this. If I couldn’t be balanced, I’d freeze, and I mean actually stop whatever I’m doing and stand still, until my body felt as if I were balanced once again. Who wouldn’t make fun of me for this?

Apparently, no one gave a shit about it. After moving to Pennsylvania, I made quite a name for myself at school. Literally. My name was Zip. I have no fucking clue how that ridiculous name came to be, but that’s what I went by day after day. One could say I was considered popular, but it wasn’t like I actually spoke to anyone. When it came to extracurriculars, I only participated in theatre. I never was part of the cast, just the stage manager. Secretly, I wanted so badly to audition and be a part of the magic they created on that stage. Not to boast or anything, but I had the talent and potential to be a starring role. But I could never bring myself to break out of my shell. Nonetheless, being stage manager still got me quite the attention. Everyone was always so nice to me, so I felt a little bad for not considering any of them as friends. That was until I met Dina.

Dina was new to our school sophomore year. She had this sort of light to her that attracted the pesky moths that were our dull and boring school body. We had the same social status in school. People liked our personalities, so we were well-liked and accepted without doing much to prove ourselves worthy. She was sweet and compassionate and so fun. I didn’t mean to become her friend, but she was so welcoming, despite being the newcomer. We became close friends, but not best friends. We already had people filling those roles.

Dina’s best friend was Sydney Novak. Sydney moved to Brownsville around the same time as Dina, so the two became best friends quickly, but Sydney wasn’t very popular at all. She was shy and introverted, but I thought she was nice enough. I liked her and thought she was a pretty cool person. We weren’t necessarily friends, we were just well acquainted simply because we were both close with Dina. The transitive property, if you would. I just wish we could’ve talked more, our relationship was pretty much nonexistent.

Speaking of nonexistent relationships, let’s talk about Richard Berry. I honestly don’t want to even think about him, but he played a role in my life that was too vital to just offhandedly mention. For some odd reason, Ricky Berry was absolutely in love with me. It was so obvious to everyone except for me. Sophomore year, he expressed his love through the most arrogant and cheesiest of pick-up lines and compliments. I wasn’t so easily won over, if you could guess. I tried being good friends with him, but he’d always fuck it up when he tried to initiate intimacy. I didn’t want to hold hands with him in the halls or receive “friendly” cheek kisses. I’m not what you would call affectionate, especially towards people I’m not close to. It’s just never been comfortable for me. Junior year, everyone around me was buzzing with excitement when they heard Ricky was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. The cheerleaders, who got to know him through his high school football career, constantly pestered me with reasons as to why I would be so lucky to date The Richard Berry. Granted, he became less of a dick junior year, so I thought, Why not?, and accepted. Being in a relationship with Ricky was the most one-sided… anything I had ever been a part of. He was undeniably enamored with me, but I couldn’t find it in myself to reciprocate those feelings. He would show me off to his family and friends like a trophy, but if someone asked me if I had a boyfriend I’d go, “I mean, yeah. I guess”, so not a very healthy relationship. It also didn’t help that Ricky knew nothing about boundaries.

One night, we were in his bedroom, studying for a science test. Ricky wasn’t focused at all and kept trying to kiss and cuddle with me. I let him for awhile, but then he took my book from me and set it on the ground beside his bed. He suggested we have sex right then and there. Now, I was never a prude and definitely didn’t wait to have sex for the first time, but I never wanted Ricky to be my first. He hadn’t earned enough of my trust to even touch me suggestively. So, of course I refused. Ricky only took that as me teasing him, so he advanced, nearly forcing himself on me. Using all my might, I shoved him off of the bed. He stood to his feet, utterly confused, but I only gathered my things and left his house. He tried following after me, but I ignored him until he turned and went back into his home. The next day at school, he was holding me and kissing me and showing me off to everyone like he always did. As if nothing happened between us the night before. It was difficult to do, since he was so inconsiderate, but I managed to break up with him. He tried to deny that we were Splitsville for about a week, but everyone caught wind of our break-up. Once everyone knew about it, it became true for him. I never really felt comfortable with being intimate or open with guys after that.

Besides with Stanley Barber, of course. Stan was my best friend in the entire world. I told only my deepest, darkest secrets to him. And he told me his. The only things we really had in common were our lack of mothers and our hideous bacne. Stan lived a few houses down and was eager to get to know me a week after I moved in. I’d never met anyone in my life like Stan. He was so awkward, but loveable. I don’t know, I guess he reminded me of my mom. The way he didn’t care, but he so clearly did. Whenever I wanted to talk about something that was difficult to voice, we’d smoke to ease the tension. Of course, this wasn’t how we always communicated. Despite his nervous stuttering, he was easy to open up to. Stan provided a sort of security in my life. He was never going to leave me and that put me at ease when hanging out with him, which we did regularly. I don’t know when exactly I developed a crush on him, but I never wanted it to surface in our bond. He was to never know. It was just a stupid crush, right? He was a guy who wasn’t family and was so unbelievably caring towards me. It was bound to happen, but that didn’t mean he had to be aware of it. Though, it was a little hard to keep such a secret when we’d both made out twice already. The first time was while I was dating Ricky, the kiss was very awkward and ended after about a minute and a half. The second kiss was just half a week after my breakup. That time, we’d both known what we were doing. And I may be a little biased, but you couldn’t have even thought to fake the passion in that makeout session. We never talked about either of those kisses and remained friends both times. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me that we didn’t become anything more afterwards. It was for the best, though, because two weeks before spring break, my dad returned from his job in Georgia and moved me to Kansas again. The move was so abrupt that I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to anyone besides my family.

My life in Kansas for the second time was something I’d never want to experience ever again. Since it was a little late in the year, I finished junior year online. For some unexplained reason, my dad had us get new phones and new numbers, so I lost all contact with my friends. I had no one to talk to and it wasn’t like my dad paid much attention to me. I remember spending every waking moment with him when I was younger, talking or playing games or watching television. It used to be so fun being his daughter, but when we moved back to Kansas, I just felt like this huge burden in his life. Our relationship was strained and he clearly had other priorities in his life. Like whatever he left back in Georgia. I’d see his phone ring and the same number from that state would pop up before he’d leave the room and privately talk with whoever. It wasn’t the secrecy that was off-putting to me, it was the fact that it was so much more important to him. Once again, I was ignored by the one person in my life I wanted to spend the most time with. So, you can imagine the joy I felt when Dad had to go back to Georgia for work. I had been attending public school for my senior year and left not even a full month in. It didn’t bother me, I had no friends and nothing to leave behind. Mid-September was when I moved back to Brownsville with Aunt Pam. Everyone accepted me right back in. Especially my classmates. As I walked the halls I heard whispers like,

“Oh, my god, is that Zip?”

“Zip’s back! Where’d she even go?”

“I thought she died.”

The only person I really wanted to notice me was Stan. I missed him so much, I even got into his favorite band to have something to remember him by. I remember the day I got back to my aunt’s house. Jacob had picked me up from the airport and was driving me to the house. He was attending community college, but was still living with his parents. As we drove, he tapped his index fingers rhythmically to the shitty pop music that played on the radio. “So, what are you excited about for senior year?”

“Not much, I just missed Dina and Stan. Theatre, too. I wonder how they’ve been doing without me.” I chuckled. Jacob huffed in amusement.

“But you didn’t miss Ricky?”

“Fuck, Jake, you know I didn’t miss him for a second.” I frowned, waving my hand in dismissal. My cousin tauntingly laughed at me. Had he actually known about what happened between Ricky and I, he wouldn’t have teased me. In fact, Ricky wouldn’t even be alive that day if Jacob found out. No one knew about the incident, not even Stan.

Pulling up in front of the house, we got out of the car and headed to the trunk to pull out my bags. I tried carrying them in, but Jacob insisted that he do all the heavy lifting and simply asked me to carry my backpack and close the trunk. I did what little I was asked of and headed to the front door to greet my aunt and uncle inside, but stopped. In the corner of my eye, I saw movement from the Barber residence. Turning, my eyes locked on Stanley, who was frozen beside his car. He was wearing his work uniform and staring at me with the most bewildered expression on his face. It was like he thought himself to be hallucinating my existence. Smiling, I simply waved at him before walking back inside. When he got home from work that night, he headed over to my house and knocked on the door. I answered with a grin on my face. “Stan!”

“If it isn’t the famous Zip, showing back up in my life.”

“Ugh, do not call me that.” I rolled my eyes playfully before bringing him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin at the top of my head. I would’ve stayed there all night if I could’ve. When Stanley pulled away, my heart hollowed and a pit formed within my stomach. I felt unfinished, unbalanced. And I hate imbalance. He asked if I wanted to hang out and I accepted his offer. All we did was lay on his floor, listen to music and get high, but in that moment, that’s all I needed.

Bloodwitch, a joint, and Stan laying by my side.

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Taglist: @melinda-hargreeves @sapphicsyn @stqnley @lonely-kermit

[ascalonianpicnic]

Since its almost mother’s day, I figured I’d post a little essay I wrote last summer, prior to No Quarter’s release.

Disclaimer: as said, this is nearly a year old and doesn’t take into account the end of icebrood (which i still havent played). additionally, I am not saying anyone has to like Eir, but I do expect people to at least hold Rytlock to the same standards

And Warning: discussion of parents, particularly absent mothers and fathers

There was a trend recently in the fandom that has really been on my mind. Rytlock, often referred to as Dadlock in these scenarios, acts as a father figure for the commander or other oc members of their squad. It's a cute idea, very found family. It's not personally my favorite, but I don't have a problem with it on its own. But there was another trend that popped up recently that, when combined with this one, really bothers me. So let's talk about Eir. 

Eir Stegalkin is our mentor in the norn personal story, as well as a member of Destiny's Edge, the famed heros and protectors of Glint. She's tough and strong and independent, but not afraid of admitting when she makes mistakes or needs others. She's imperfect, a bit overconfident at times, and she makes plenty of mistakes, but she tries really hard to be a good role model to our character and to others. One thing she isn't, however, is a mother.

Eir had a son, Braham. He's still young when we meet him, probably the norn equivalent of his late teens, and he doesn't view Eir as his mother. And she in turn, doesn't view herself as his mother.

Back when Braham was very young, Eir was called away to help fight off the Sons of Svanir. She left Braham with his loving and capable father, Borje, intending to be back soon but getting caught up and being away for years, getting caught up in the battle against Jormag's growing influence, then joining in the battle against Kralkatorrik. She didn't hear of her partner's death until after the fact, and by that point, she knew Braham was being raised by good people in her and Borje's stead, and she also felt she had been away too long to come back at that point. She hadn't been a part of his life, she wasn't his mother anymore. So she chose to do what she thought was best and stay away from the son she couldn't promise to be there for, fighting to make the world he was growing up in safer instead. 

When Braham and Eir reunited, it wasn't on good terms. Braham was resentful, and for good reason, and Eir understood and respected that. As the two spend more time together from that point, working together, Eir doesn't push the issue and lets Braham decide if and when he wants to try reconnecting. She hurt him. He gets to decide if he lets her back into his life. And that is important. 

You could call her a bad mom for being absent, though really, you'd be doing her a disservice. She never filled the role of a mother. She knows that fact, she doesn't pretend otherwise. When Braham gets a chance to speak with her spirit outside of Sun's Refuge, she tells him to focus on his actual family and let go of her, because she understands she was never there for the key moments of his life, but he has people right next to him now who were and are. Reducing her down not just to a mother, but to a bad mom, ignores so much of her character and who she is. 

Now let's compare her arc with Braham to Rytlock. 

Rytlock Brimstone is a fellow member of Destiny's Edge, fighting along side Eir and the others. He's also tough and strong, but he hates admitting when he makes mistakes, he hates apologizing, and he hates asking for help. He is the mentor for the charr personal story, where he is shown to play favorites at least a little, and he later on seems to be a sort of mentor to Rox as well, a younger charr and close friend of Braham's. 

Even just from how Rox views Rytlock, we can tell he probably isn't the best mentor, as she fears punishment and potentially death when she chooses to put Braham's life over dealing the killing blow to Scarlet Briar. 

Then there's his relationship with his own son, Ryland Steelcatcher. In charr society, it is standard practice to pass your cub on to the fahrar so they can be trained and prepared. Parents aren't supposed to participate in their cubs' lives after that point. Most still will though. Rytlock wasn't among the parents trying to participate though. He was entirely hands off with Ryland, even as Ryland's mother, Crecia Stoneglow, was taking an active part in his life. 

Much like Eir, Rytlock is absent from his son's life for mostly cultural and partially personal reasons. I would like to point out here that Eir is called a bad mom pretty vocally but I've never once heard Rytlock referred to as a bad dad by the fandom. 

Now, there's a huge difference in how Eir and Rytlock handled reconnecting with their children. Even when Eir wanted to, she didn't try until Braham reached out and acknowledged his connection to her first. She let the one she hurt make the first move and lead the process. Rytlock doesn't do that. 

After seeing the commander and Aurene interacting, and seeing how the loss of Aurene affects both the commander and Caithe, the dragon's two adoptive parents, he takes some time to think about his own cubs and realizes he wishes he'd been more active in their lives and that he could reach out to them now. How does he handle that desire? By going to an event where the person he hurt, Ryland, will be and will be expected to be civil so Rytlock can corner him and try to force himself back into his son's life. He doesn't give Ryland space. He doesn't give Ryland the ability to choose if it's time to reconnect. He hurt Ryland by being absent and shows no understanding of that. And if he does understand that he hurt Ryland, he simply expects to be forgiven for that because he changed his mind. 

And yet, he's Dadlock. He fathers the commander in fanon more than he ever did his own children. People act like he did no wrong. As I said, the idea of Dadlock itself doesn't bother me, but it does when it's presented side by side with the idea of calling Eir a bad mom. You can't forgive Rytlock for doing exactly the same thing Eir did while demonizing Eir for it. It's a double standard we see a lot. A man can get away with it, but a woman can't.  

Eir, a complex character, can't be forgiven for a mistake she made and owned up to time and time again while trying to make up for it. Instead she has to be boiled down to simply A Bad Mom. Rytlock, on the other hand, can make the exact same mistake, and handle it worse. But it's fine, nobody's perfect! He's a complex guy after all. But it isn't fine. It's a sexist double standard. 

[bbdaydreams]

Courage My Love// Semi Eita x Reader

Series Masterlist•next>

Chapter One: Late

You and Semi were assigned to sit next to each other in your English class during your first year which is how you initially met. About a quarter through the year Semi noticed you had the letter “X” in black marker on the back of your hand which led him to ask if you went to a show the night before. You said yes and told him what band you saw which made him light up and show you his hand as proof that he was there too.

“Dude, let me know when you go to a show! We could go together,” Semi told you with a grin on his face.

“Will do, bro,” you smiled back at him.

Since then, you’ve been concert buddies and best friends. You weren’t afraid to run up to tackle the other from a distance. Semi’s lent you multiple sweatshirts that other students immediately have identified as his considering the size difference. You’ve gone into his personal bubble many times, mostly to bother him by squishing his face. Other’s believe there’s more going on between you two but you’re both quick to shut down those comments, even if in reality you did harbor feelings for him.

You were both currently in his dorm fiddling with tunes on your guitars. “Y/n, you’re going too fast. Slow down,” Semi laughed while holding your wrists in place on the guitar.

“Dammit! I got nervous,” you responded setting the acoustic guitar down next to your body before using your hands to rub your face.

“It’s just me here. You don’t have to be so nervous.”

“I know, I know. I’ve got to get over this fear.”

Semi picked up his electric guitar and put the strap over himself so he could play properly. “I mean, I get it. It’s not easy playing in front of people, let alone perform. Did you see where I put my pick?”

“How do you do it? You honestly make it look easy. Also, dude, you have like three still stuck on your face.”

“Oh shit,” he responded before feeling his forehead remembering the guitar pick war you guys had. He grabbed one and wiped it on his shirt to take off your saliva for a better grip.  “Uhh, I don’t know actually. I definitely do get anxious sometimes but I think I get so caught in the moment that in the end I don’t care who is watching. I’m just having fun, ya know?”

“I’m so focused on what others think, I don’t think I could ever perform how you do.”

“Well, you better get over it. You gotta hold up your end of the deal since you wanted me to do the talent show so bad.”

After Shiratorizawa lost to Karasuno, Semi had more time to focus on his band, which had formed the summer of your second year. They try to put on a show every other week at a local café and managed to gain a decent amount of attention but it definitely wasn’t enough for them to break out. You wanted to push them in anyway you could which led you to annoying Semi to sign up for the talent show.

~

“Eita, you should sign up for the talent show!”

“Nah. Too many preps. They’re not gonna be interested,” Semi responded in between bites of his lunch.

“Don’t think like that. Your guy’s music is good okay? I’m not just saying that because I’m your best friend I’m saying it because I legitimately mean it. Eagle Thorns is my favorite band. I know you guys will make it big and this can help!”

“They’ve got a good point, Eita,” their bassist, Ranmaru, said.

“I think it’ll be fun,” the drummer, Subaru, added on.

“We’ll do it,” Jiro, the lead guitarist, responded as he smiled up at you.

“Thank you, boys. I’ll sign you guys up-“

“Nope. Nope, no, no, no,” Semi spoke up, leaning over to take the pen from your hand.

“What do you mean no? Everyone else said yes.”

“I didn’t agree. I’ll agree to it if you do it too. I’ll even write your name on the list for you,” Semi stated with a smirk.

“You’re an asshole.”

“Guess we’re not participating then. Sorry boys-“

“I’ll do it. I want you guys to perform.”

~

“I don’t get why you want me to participate. I’m not the one with a band,” you told him.

“I know, but you want a band of your own. This could help you too. And even if you end up not finding members, it’ll help you get over your stage fright.”

“You have a weird way of showing you care,” you laughed while pushing his shoulder.

“Oh yeah?” Semi responded while pretending to square up.

“Yeah,” you immediately bucked back standing on your toes to help you get closer to his face.

“Ranmaru, the love birds are at it again!” Subaru spoke when he opened the door to Semi’s room.

“Oi! Eita, stop flirting! It’s time for band practice,” Ranmaru scolded.

“How many times do I have to tell you? We’re just friends,” Semi retorted turning his back to you.

You made eye contact with Jiro and he gave you a sorry look. Jiro was the only one that knew of your feelings and you planned to keep it that way. He was a year younger and didn’t speak to many other third years so you felt you could trust him.

“Yeah guys, c’mon. How many times do we have to tell you we’re just friends? It’s getting tiring at this point,” you added on with a fake happy smile on your face.

“Whatever. You get a song ready, y/n?”

“Still working on it. I’ll leave you guys alone and head back to my dorm. Have fun!” And with that you excused yourself and headed off.

-

When you got back to your dorm, you immediately sent a text to Tendou asking him to come over so you could vent to him. While waiting you came up with a plan. You decided you were going to play a song that expressed your feelings and then once you came off stage you were going to walk up to Semi and confess, hoping that the high from being on stage walks off with you.

“He said that?” Tendou asked as he sat on your bed with a large plush in his lap, watching you pace around your dorm.

“Yes! I don’t know what to do! Graduation is just around the corner and I wanna tell him before we go out separate ways after high school. Tendou, I’m so scared what if we don’t talk to each other again after graduation?”

“No, that’s not happening. You guys are best friends. I doubt he’d stop talking to you after we graduate.”

“Ok, but what if I confess and he doesn’t feel the same?”

“Trust me he feels the same.”

“How do you know that? Does he ever talk about me?”

“I can just tell by how he looks at you! And I’ll be honest he doesn’t bring you up but when someone else does he immediately tells them to shut up. Incase you didn’t know, I understand guy code. That means ‘don’t talk about my girl’.”

“Okay, okay. That puts me somewhat at ease.”

“Good. Now all you have to do is play that song without fucking up.”

“Ugh, Tendou! That just made me sick to my stomach!” You exclaimed before jumping on the bed and tackling him.

“It’s the truth! Just picture the audience in their underwear!” Tendou retaliated as he grabbed a pillow to hit you with.

“It’s not that easy!” You said while lightly hitting his chest.

“Why do you care so much as to what people think?”

“I don’t care about what others think I just care about what he thinks!”

“Shit, you have it BAD, bad,” Tendou laughed while putting the pillow behind his head for support. “Y/n, he’d be an idiot to reject you. And I’d remind him daily if he did. You are such a catch, it’d be a shame if he let you go to waste,” he told you earnestly.

“I-, thank you, Tendou. It means a lot-“

“Oh shit, I didn’t know you guys were in the middle of something,” Semi voiced when he let himself into your dorm, a reoccurring scene he’s noticed.

“Eita!” You greeted him, immediately getting off of Tendou to go hug the setter.

“Semi-Semi, I thought your practice was going to last longer,” Tendou said, taking note of the small glare Semi gave him.

“Stop calling me that and we finished early,” the ash blonde responded before turning to you. “What about you? Did you manage to pick a song?”

“I did!” you told him with a smile.

-

After two weeks of practicing it was finally the night of the talent show. You had your guitar in a soft case, that Semi had given you, across your back. Were you nervous? Yes. Of the crowd? Not exactly. What you told Semi and Tendou wasn’t a lie. You didn’t care about what people thought of you, unless they were people you cared about. You cared about how your friends would react. You cared about what Semi’s band members thought. You even cared about what the members of the volleyball team would think, even if you’ve only met them a few times. But most importantly, you cared about what Semi’s opinion of your performance was.

You and Semi have sang along to numerous songs in different settings, even taking turns to do karaoke in the car. All those times you didn’t care about what he thought because you were so comfortable being around him, but now that it matters, that’s when your self doubt kicked in.

“Ready?” Semi asked you from behind, making you jump.

You took a deep breath after the scare before smiling up at him, “Nope, but I’m up soon.”

“Indeed you are. You’ll do great. I know you will.” Semi’s honesty was something you always admired about him. In your three years of friendship, he’s never lied to you. He’s always evaluated the situation and told you his thoughts without a single waver in his voice. Him believing in you, gave you all the confidence in the world.

You guys were standing side to side watching the other acts perform their talents from side stage. As your turn neared closer, he raised an arm over your shoulder, rubbing it to help ease your nerves causing you to lean your head on him.

“Hey, I gotta tell you something later,” you spoke, avoiding looking at him.

“Tell me now,” he responded gently.

“Nah. After we perform.”

“Alright,” he laughed. “Ima go find the guys, we’re up after you. Good luck, don’t fuck up or else you won’t hear the end of it from me.”

“Ha, ha, ha. Okay jackass. Good luck to you too. Tell the boys I wish them luck too.”

As soon as Semi left your side, the announcer spoke up to announce it was now your turn to perform. You took a deep breath before shaking each of your limbs to make sure they were working. Once you concluded that they were, you made your way to the center of the stage.

“Good evening, L/N, the stage is all yours,” the announcer spoke before placing the microphone on a stand and adjusting it to your height while you grabbed the chair left on stage for you to use. You gave him a silent nod before he left the stage.

“Thank you,” you spoke while grabbing the mic to tilt it a little more towards you. “I’m going to be singing a song by a band called ONE OK ROCK. This song is called ‘Wherever You Are’. Please enjoy.”

Wherever you are, I'll always make you smile

Wherever you are, I'm always by your side

Whatever you say, kimi wo omou kimochi

I promise you "forever" right now

You were almost done with the song and decided to look up and scan the crowd. You were quick to notice Tendou and Ushijima sitting in the crowd, Tendou looking more impressed than the latter. When your eyes connected with the judges you remembered situation you were in and closed your eyes to put all your effort into the last three lines. It went quiet in the auditorium after you finished which only made your eyes stay shut until loud clapping and hollering commenced, one voice sticking out from all the rest.

“Wooooo! Go y/n!” You could hear Tendou yell. You looked up to make eye contact with him again. He was grinning from ear to ear while talking to the people beside him, most likely telling them he knew you.

You grabbed the microphone again and gave a small chuckle before speaking, “thank you, everyone.”

The announcer came back into the stage and gave you a hand to help you get up from the chair. While you put the guitar away he put the chair away and spoke into the microphone as you waved the crowd goodbye. “Beautiful wasn’t it? So passionate. Thank you so much for blessing all of our ears with your voice. Now, up next we have another musical performance. This next one is a group and they call themselves Eagle Thorns! Please welcome Eita, Ranmaru, Subaru, and Jiro to the stage!”

Subaru walked up first with his drum sticks in his hand and made his way to his kit. Once he got to his seat, he raised one arm up waved to greet the crowd. Jiro and Ranmaru walked up together with their instruments and waved to the crowd as they went to their spots. Semi followed them from a couple feet behind with his guitar and made his way to center stage. “Hope you guys still have some energy after all the performances you’ve seen tonight. We are Eagle Thorns and if there’s any parents in the room, I hope you brought some ear plugs,” Semi joked.

You were standing off to the side of the stage watching them. It was funny to you because they were really acting how they did for any other gig. You’ve been to almost all of their shows and we’re still amazed every time they took the stage.

“This song is an original. It’s called ‘Late’.”

I can't stop thinking it, thinking it

I can't stop thinking it, thinking it

That it's a little too late, a little too late, a little too late, a little too late

“Here we go!” Semi yelled into the mic. What followed was Ranmaru sing the first part of the hard vocals while Jiro did the second part which made you realize why Semi made his joke directed towards the parents earlier. In true Semi fashion, he found a way to include some spice into the band’s performance.

What kept bothering you was his use of the word ‘mistake’. All it did was make you question who he was talking about. You went down the list of people you thought it could’ve been but as far as you knew, Semi didn’t talk to a lot of people regularly. He preferred to keep his social circle small.

“Thank you so much for giving us a chance to play tonight. Before we leave the stage I’d like to ask someone very special to come up to the stage. They already know who they are,” Semi spoke into the mic.

A couple of performers that had gone up before were whispering amongst themselves.

“Is he doing what I think he’s doing?”

“Super bold move of him if he is.”

“Oh my god! He’s gonna ask someone to be his date for the dance next week!”

After that last comment you could feel a bunch of gazes landing on your form. The small group of students were now encouraging you to go up, but all you could do was grip into the strap that was across your body for comfort.

“Y/n! He’s talking about you!”

“Y/n go up there! What are you waiting for?”

“It’s not me guys,” you spoke. You knew you weren’t that special someone the moment Semi turned to the direction that was the opposite of where you were. “After all, we’re just friends.”

The group around you grew very confused from your response until they looked forward and saw someone else walk on stage towards the lead singer.

“I can’t stop thinking about you. Would you go on a date with me and accompany me next week to the dance?” Semi asked the girl, who you knew nothing about. He was asking out someone you had no idea existed.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” you excused yourself from the people surrounding you and bolted to the closest restroom. When you made it outside the door, you slid off the guitar and placed it on the ground so you could run into a stall. You immediately took out your phone and started texting Tendou asking him to come to your dorm so you could have a shoulder to cry on since the one you normally rely on isn’t an option at the moment. Tendou responded immediately, encouraging you to at least wait until the event is over for the awards ceremony. You were about to text him back but froze when you heard foot steps.

“I think she’s in here,” a soft voice spoke.

“It has to be this one, who else’s guitar would this be?” another voice spoke.

“Hmm,” a third girl spoke. “Hi, we’re looking for L/n Y/n! We-“

“Shhhh! You don’t have to be so loud, Izumi,” the second voice spoke.

“I don’t think it was a good idea to come looking for them now.”

“You’re probably right, but we wouldn’t have another opportunity to talk to them.”

What could they want with you? What could some strangers possibly want to talk to you about? You quietly leaned forward on the plastic door to look through the crack to judge the situation. There were three girls total, and one of them looked mean. As much as you didn’t like judging people based on their looks, the other two girls appeared to be nicer which made you take a chance.

“You’re looking for me?” You asked, stepping out of the stall while wiping your eyes.

The girl with the soft voice immediately took notice of your state and turned to grab a paper towel and wet it before handing it to you. “Here you go,” she said with a small smile.

“Uh, thank you,” you responded awkwardly.

“Sorry we’re meeting like this but we wanted to ask you a question. Would you be interested in being in our band? We’d love to have you,” the girl you were on edge about asked.

“You want me in your band? I only know how to play acoustic guitar, I’m an amateur at best,” you responded honestly while dabbing your face with the wet paper towel.

“Okay but you sing amazingly! We need a lead singer and your voice matches our vibe! At least think about it. Please. Let’s change information,” the louder one spoke as she handed you her phone.

You gave a genuine smile to the girls before accepting the device and started entering your information as you took yours out so she could do the same.

“Award ceremony is starting! All performers please make your way to the stage!” Someone yelled from the hallways.

You were about to speak but the leader of the girls spoke up for you. “Guess that means you, girly. Good luck!” She handed you your guitar back and ushered you out of the bathroom so you’d be able to make it where you needed to be on time.

-

When you made it back to the stage, Semi quickly made his way towards you, leaving his band behind, with a smile on his face. “Hey! Where’d you go?” He asked, completely unaware that you ran off to go cry.

“Not important,” you told him dryly.

Giving you a confused look he decided to continue the conversation. “Alright... well what was it you were gonna tell me?”

Now you were having an internal battle within yourself. Do you actually confess to him after he technically just confessed to someone else? Do you tell him something else? Or, do you just not tell him anything?

Knowing the last option would just cause him to bug you until you told him something you decided to go with the second option.

“I was gonna say that there’s a big name in the crowd tonight. Someone from a record label is here to scout out a new artist but I don’t know who.”

“Oh shit. No way! Hope they liked us.”

“Yeah.”

At this point you didn’t know what to do. You were upset that he’s never spoken about this person to you before. You thought you were closer than this. Don’t best friends tell each other about their crushes? Don’t best friends tell each other about things like this? Did you see Semi more as a best friend than he did for you? Were you putting in more effort into the relationship than he was this entire time? Were you so stuck in your fantasy that every small task he did for you mean nothing to him? Was he just being nice to you?

“Semi, who is she?” you asked trying not to cry for the second time in the past hour.

“Semi?” He asked taking notice of how you used his last name instead of his first name. “She’s someone I’ve been seeing on the low for about a month now.”

A month. He’s kept her away from you for a month.

“Why haven’t you ever introduced me to her?”

“I didn’t think it was important.”

“Why would you think that?” You asked with in a louder tone.

He looked at you even more confused as to why you were acting the way you were. “Sorry, I didn’t know I needed my friend’s approval to date someone?” Semi responded with the same tone you did, but with a little more bite.

His answer left you feeling as if you’ve been stabbed in the front. Out of all the ways he could’ve said, he chose to respond like that? Not wanting to draw attention you guys you decided to end the conversation before it got out of hand. “Don’t talk to me Semi,” you told him before turning to walk away from him.

He tried to reach out to grab your arm and ask you what the hell your problem was but the announcer spoke up.

“Alright, now that everyone is here and the judges have counted their votes, it’s time to announce the winners! In third place we have the dance duo! Congrats you guys!”

You were walking behind the line of performers so that the crowd would hopefully not see you walk off the stage as the announcer spoke.

“And in second place we have Eagle Thorns!” You froze at the loud cheers that erupted and the arm that you recognized belonged to Jiro as the hugged you from excitement right when you walked by.

“And in first place, drum roll please... we have L/n Y/n! Congratulations!” Now you can’t help yourself. Being too overwhelmed with emotions is never a good thing because now here you are, letting tears fall in front of a whole room of people. Jiro immediately picked you up and spun you around before putting you down and encouraging you to walk to center stage to accept the fake trophy that you weren’t expecting. You wiped your tears for a second time that night and gave a slight wave to the crowd before speaking into the microphone that the announcer was holding for you.

“Judges, thank you so much. I honestly didn’t think I’d win this but from the bottom of my heart thank you so, so, much!”

While you were giving your thank you speech, all Semi could do is question why you were so upset. As far as he knew, you had a thing for Tendou and Tendou had a thing for you, so why were you so invested in his relationship?

[flooffybits]

Dreamcatcher reacting to s/o being good at archery

Anon: Can i get a dreamcatcher reaction to reader being good at archery? Love all your works and hope you have a nice day !

Jiu:

Minji was someone who found beauty in the simplest things. When she found out you were actually good in archery, it was because of a game. With you and Bora teaming up against her and Siyeon, she was thoroughly surprised with how well you performed, much like her members.

“You have a really great aim.” Siyeon had commented, automatically making your girlfriend grin as she hugged you from behind, a kiss quickly pressed to your cheek when she nuzzled you. “You might be good, but we’re still beating you.” And even when you pretend to let her win, all of you knew that your girlfriend just wasn’t the best when it came to games so they would immediately catch on when you tried to aim for the lower numbers.

Sua:

It was during her first visit to your parents’ house. When Bora was finally introduced and immediately loved and accepted into your home, your parents wasted no time in showing her the embarrassing baby pictures and achievements you had when you were younger and the picture of you with a bow and quiver of arrows had caught her attention.

Without missing a beat, your mother tells your girlfriend the story of you taking classes and even participating in various contests before she’s showing her the medals that were hung somewhere in the living room while you stood by, face red in embarrassment.

“I wish I could see you play! Seeing teenage you in pictures, I think you still look cool with shooting an arrow.”

Siyeon:

Your girlfriend had been quite playful and decided to come and visit you when you weren’t expecting her to. But when she decided to come to your home, unannounced, she finds both you and herself surprised when she catches you in the backyard, bow in hand right after releasing an arrow and hitting one of the bottles and cans you had set up due to your boredom.

Her eyes shifted from the bottle and you before she smirked and shook her head, walking over and wrapping her arms around you. “No wonder you were able to shoot your way into my heart.” The comment caused you to both cringe and laugh before she was shutting you up with a kiss just to shrug off the embarrassment.

Handong:

You informed your girlfriend about being in a sports competition with some friends and she was more than happy to come and cheer you on, knowing that you were quite the athlete. She even asked some of the girls if they wanted to watch with her, thus the rest of Dreamcatcher being your cheerleaders. Bora and Gahyeon’s screaming even helped in boosting your team’s spirit while you and Handong exchange playful little smiles.

When it came to the archery portion of the competition, Handong was very surprised when she saw you as your team’s representative, but also found herself extremely proud and impressed when you were able to get high scores and brought your team to the top.

After the competition, the girls were all congratulating you for winning and Handong pinched your cheeks affectionately, though pouting when she addressed your skills in archery. “I didn’t know you were such a pro. You have to teach me.”

Yoohyeon:

Yoohyeon had no idea how to hold the bow when it was first presented to her. When she tried to lift it up, she was surprised with how heavy it actually was that it made you chuckle and explain how it isn’t exactly as light as it looked. When you began to explain how to properly hold it, fixing her stance and even showing her how to properly make it look like she was shooting an arrow, she had questioned you with how you knew so much about it.

When you explained that you learned when you were younger, she took that opportunity to get you to teach her, even going far as to flirt with you when she tried to hold the bow up again. “I think you have to teach me some more.”

She’ll get you to stand behind her and have your arms around her just to adjust the bow. Even with her members teasing her from the side, she’ll enjoy the way you were teaching her because she knows you’re well aware of her intentions of having you close yet make no move in pointing it out.

Dami:

“What are you doing with that? Be careful!” Your girlfriend was concerned when she saw you with a bow in your possession, afraid that you might end up hurting yourself, but you assured her that you were perfectly fine and even showed her that you were wearing the proper gear just so you wouldn’t injure yourself.

Yubin, though still a bit worried, watched with complete interest as you explained how you were joining a few friends in a match with a group from Daegu. She asked you if she could watch you practice and was at awe when you showed her how well you could shoot an arrow with the distance between you and your target.

She’ll check her schedule if she can come watch your game because she’ll want to see just how well you can play and that it wasn’t all for show. When she does see the focus and determination on your face when it was your turn, she admits that she was very impressed and actually excited when she began to cheer for you and your friends.

Gahyeon:

You asked Gahyeon if it were possible for her to watch you play when you decided to enter the competition. Your girlfriend was well aware that you played a few sports and she was more than supportive as she agreed and even pulled Yoohyeon and Siyeon along to watch with her.

She was buzzing with excitement when she saw you from the bleachers, stating how cool you looked when you were geared up, and she couldn’t stop herself from screaming your name whenever you were about to play. Yoohyeon had to cover her ears at some point and Siyeon laughed in her seat before she was cheering alongside your girlfriend.

When you had gotten a bullseye, the one thing you needed to win the game, Gahyeon practically leaped out of her seat and cheered the loudest she could, her smile bright as she waved at you, her bright hair catching your attention immediately. Her eyes sparkled as she waved and blew kisses in your direction. After the event, she showers you with praise and kisses.

[butterflies-dragons]

You’ll Be Queen One Day

This is something I wanted to say about the current debate of Queen Sansa.

For a big faction of the fandom, Queen Sansa is only D&D fan fiction and that won’t be Sansa’s endgame in the Books. ¡¡¡NEVER!!!    

According to Bryan Cogman, the man named by GRRM himself as the Keeper of the Lore, hints of Sansa’s Show endgame as Queen in the North were there since the Pilot Episode back in Season One:

BRYAN COGMAN: In the pilot, Sansa’s main function was informing members of her family and the audience that the only thing she wanted was to get out of Winterfell and go live in the big city and become queen—except a very different kind of queen than the one she ended up being. So Sansa’s storyline was always meant to have a note of triumph at the end, especially after all that she went through in the middle of the series. It was appropriate that she came full circle at the end. She was the only Stark left in Winterfell and leads the North into this new chapter. She’s the best hope for the North’s future.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd

"Winter Is Coming"

“In the pilot, Sansa’s main function was informing members of her family and the audience that the only thing she wanted was to get out of Winterfell and go live in the big city and become queen.”

Please take note that GRRM was very involved in the first four seasons of the Show. Especially the first one, he participated in the casting, he was part of the original pilot, he travelled to filming locations, he wrote one episode per season, etc.  

Season 1, Episode 1: "Winter Is Coming". Directed by Tim Van Patten & Written by David Benioff & D. B. Weiss.

SANSA: Do you think Joffrey will like me? What if he thinks I’m ugly? CATELYN: Then he is the stupidest prince that ever lived. SANSA: He’s so handsome. [CATELYN rolls her eyes.] SANSA: When would we be married? Soon or do we have to wait? CATELYN: Hush now. Your father hasn’t even said yes. SANSA: Why would he say no? He’d be the second most powerful man in the kingdoms. CATELYN: He’d have to leave home. He’d have to leave me. And so would you. SANSA: You left your home to come here. And I’d be queen someday. Please make father say yes. CATELYN: Sansa… SANSA: Please, please. It’s the only thing I ever wanted.

Watch the scene here.

Curiously enough, the immediately previous scene was a scene of Dany, the one where she said to Viserys: “I don’t want to be his [Khal Drogo] Queen. I want to go home.” A scene straight from the Books:

"I don't want to be his queen," she heard herself say in a small, thin voice. "Please, please, Viserys, I don't want to, I want to go home." 

—A Game of Thrones - Daenerys I

What a contrast with Sansa’s scene!

But Sansa’s scene is not from the Books. We don’t have any scene between Sansa and Catelyn at Winterfell.  

Sansa wanted romance more than being a monarch. She certainly was not opposed to marry a prince or a king, but her wishes were more about romance, being a Lady in a song, a wife of a gallant knight, and a mother of future ladies and gallant knights.      

This is what happened in the Books:

“Honors?” Ned laughed bitterly.

“In his eyes, yes,” she said.

“And in yours?”

“And in mine,” she blazed, angry now. Why couldn’t he see? “He offers his own son in marriage to our daughter, what else would you call that? Sansa might someday be queen. Her sons could rule from the Wall to the mountains of Dorne. What is so wrong with that?”

“Gods, Catelyn, Sansa is only eleven,” Ned said. “And Joffrey … Joffrey is …”

She finished for him. “… crown prince, and heir to the Iron Throne. And I was only twelve when my father promised me to your brother Brandon.”

—A Game of Thrones - Catelyn II

"Joffrey likes your sister," Jeyne whispered, proud as if she had something to do with it. She was the daughter of Winterfell's steward and Sansa's dearest friend. "He told her she was very beautiful."

"He's going to marry her," little Beth said dreamily, hugging herself. "Then Sansa will be queen of all the realm."

Sansa had the grace to blush. She blushed prettily. She did everything prettily, Arya thought with dull resentment. "Beth, you shouldn't make up stories," Sansa corrected the younger girl, gently stroking her hair to take the harshness out of her words. She looked at Arya. "What did you think of Prince Joff, sister? He's very gallant, don't you think?"

—A Game of Thrones - Arya I

Catelyn pushed Ned to accept the betrothal while Sansa corrected Beth’s comment about her being Queen.  

* * *

Later in the the Fourth Episode of the First Season, Cogman wrote a scene between Sansa and Septa Mordane where the septa says that Sansa will be Queen someday.

Again, this scene is not from the Books.

"Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things"

Season 1, Episode 4: "Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things". Directed by Brian Kirk & Written by Bryan Cogman.

SEPTA MORDANE: Someday your husband will sit there and you will sit by his side. And one day, before too long, you will present your son to the court. All the lords of Westeros will gather here to see the little prince... SANSA: What if I have a girl? SEPTA MORDANE: Gods be good, you'll have boys and girls and plenty of them. SANSA:What if I only have girls? SEPTA MORDANE: I wouldn't worry about that. SANSA:Jeyne Poole's mother had five children, all of them girls. SEPTA MORDANE: Yes, but it's highly unlikely. SANSA: But what if? SEPTA MORDANE: If you only had girls, I suppose the throne would pass to Prince Joffrey's little brother. SANSA: And everyone would hate me. SEPTA MORDANE: Nobody could ever hate you. SANSA: Joffrey does. SEPTA MORDANE: Nonsense. Why would you say such a thing? That business with the wolves? I've told you a hundred times... A direwolf is not... SANSA: Please shut up about it. SEPTA MORDANE: Do you remember your lessons? Who built the Iron Throne? SANSA: Aegon the Conqueror. SEPTA MORDANE: And who built the Red Keep? SANSA: Maegor the Cruel. SEPTA MORDANE: And how many years did it take to build... SANSA: My grandfather and uncle were murdered here, weren't they? SEPTA MORDANE: They were killed on the orders of King Aerys, yes. SANSA: The Mad King. SEPTA MORDANE: Commonly known as the Mad King. SANSA: Why were they killed? SEPTA MORDANE: You should speak to your father about these matters. SANSA: I don't want to speak to my father, ever. SEPTA MORDANE: You will find it in your heart to forgive your father. SANSA: No, I won't.

Watch the scene here.

* * *

Later in the the Sixth Episode of the First Season, there is a scene between Sansa and Joffrey where the prince says that Sansa will be Queen someday.

Once again, this scene is not from the Books.

"A Golden Crown"

Season 1, Episode 6: "A Golden Crown". Directed by Daniel Minahan. Story by  David Benioff & D. B. Weiss & Teleplay written by : Jane Espenson and David Benioff & D. B. Weiss.

SEPTA MORDANE: My prince. SANSA: My prince. JOFFREY: My lady. I fear I have behaved monstrously the past few weeks. With your permission? Joffrey offers Sansa a necklace. She turns around, for him to put it on her, as acceptance. SANSA: It’s beautiful. Like the one your mother wears. JOFFREY: You’ll be queen someday, it’s only fitting that you should look the part. Will you forgive me for my rudeness? SANSA: There’s nothing to forgive. JOFFREY: You’re my lady. One day we’ll be married in the throne room. Lords and ladies from all over the Seven Kingdoms will come, from the last hearth in the North, to the salt shore of the south. And you will be queen over all of them. I’ll never disrespect you again. I’ll never be cruel to you again. Do you understand me? You’re my lady now, from this day, until my last day. The two share their first kiss.

Watch the scene here.

I think that Sansa & Septa Mordane scene and Sansa & Joffrey scene were written from this Book scene:

“The king is dead.” Sansa could not say how she knew it, yet she did. The slow, endless clanging filled their room, as mournful as a dirge. Had some enemy stormed the castle and murdered King Robert? Was that the meaning of the fighting they had heard?

She went to sleep wondering, restless, and fearful. Was her beautiful Joffrey the king now? Or had they killed him too? She was afraid for him, and for her father. If only they would tell her what was happening …

That night Sansa dreamt of Joffrey on the throne, with herself seated beside him in a gown of woven gold. She had a crown on her head, and everyone she had ever known came before her, to bend the knee and say their courtesies.

—A Game of Thrones - Sansa IV

So far we have:

Sansa: “And I’d be queen someday.”

Septa Mordane: “Someday your husband will sit there [Iron Throne] and you will sit by his side.”

Joffrey: “You’ll be queen someday.”

The Sansa and Joffrey scene even got his own theme, a song composed by Ramin Djawadi called: 

You’ll Be Queen One Day

¿Why changing “Someday” for “One Day”? Maybe this curious detail means nothing... Maybe it means something...  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Why reiterate some many times that Sansa will be Queen, if it was clear that Sansa was betrothed with the Crown Prince Joffrey Baratheon, the Heir of the Iron Throne?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“—except a very different kind of queen than the one she ended up being.”

This is not the first time that Cogman alluded of that old say that says: “Be careful what you wish for” in regards of Sansa. He said something similar about Sansa’s arc in Season Five, specifically her marriage with Ramsay Bolton. 

Basically, when we decided to combine Sansa’s storyline with another character in the books it was done with the idea that it would be hugely dramatically satisfying to have Sansa back in her occupied childhood home and navigate this Gothic horror story she’s found herself in and, of course, to be reunited with Theon – setting her on the path to reclaiming her family home and becoming a major player in the big overall story. 

This stupid line “hugely dramatically satisfying” is BS of course. Men..........    

I have the impression that after they run out of canon material, D&D, Cogman and all, decided to recycle old plots. Here with Sansa, they basically gave her ANOTHER ONE GOTHIC HORROR STORY.

Since they didn’t like Sansa’s Vale plot as Alayne Stone, they gave Sansa “another lesson” like Kings Landing and Joffrey: “Be careful what you wish for”.

Sansa wished for a Southern Courtly Life with her Prince in Kingslading, and she got a Ghotic Horror Story. 

Sansa started to wish to return North, to Winterfell, to her Home, and D&D, Cogman and all decided to gave her Ghotic Horror Story 2.0 in Winterfell with Ramsay. Sexual abuse included. Men..........        

GRRM uses “Be careful what you wish for” theme very often, you just need to read his tale: “In The Lost Lands” or re-read Cersei’s story with Maggie the Frog. And as I just mentioned, Sansa’s wishes for a life at court in the south with her gallant Prince Joffrey. But D&D are just... not so good adapters.            

“So Sansa’s storyline was always meant to have a note of triumph at the end, especially after all that she went through in the middle of the series.”

¿How the majority of the fandom interpret these Cogman’s words? This way: “Queen Sansa is a reward for Sansa’s Season Five arc.” 

But Season One is four seasons before Season Five, and there were hints since the Pilot Episode... 

The fandom: SANSA WILL NEVER BE QUEEN, ¡¡¡NEEEVEER!!! 

..............................

“It was appropriate that she came full circle at the end. She was the only Stark left in Winterfell and leads the North into this new chapter. She’s the best hope for the North’s future.” 

Full Circle: From wanting to be Queen consort in the South to be the Queen in the North, by her own right.

Sansa’s Show endgame is also very in line with characters getting what they wished for but not in the way they thought. That is like the bit that follows: “Be careful what you wish for” = “You might just get it.” Seriously, go and read GRRM’s tale: “In The Lost Lands.” You can thank me later.     

Please also take note that GRRM has repeatedly said that:

Sansa is a major character. Part of the core that dominates the story.

He knows the endgame of the major characters for decades.

You can read more here.

So, if Queen Sansa is only D&D fan fiction, then WHOA! They planned it all since the very beginning, since the pilot episode itself. How surprising! Especially since GRRM was very involved in the Show back then.  

D&D wrote the pilot: “Sansa’s main function was informing members of her family and the audience that the only thing she wanted was to get out of Winterfell and go live in the big city and become queen.” AND GRRM LET THEM.

Cogman wrote a scene that was not from the Books where Septa Mordane says that Sansa will be Queen someday. AND GRRM LET THEM.

D&D wrote a scene that was not from the Books where Joffrey says that Sansa will be Queen someday. AND GRRM LET THEM.

D&D commissioned Ramin Djawadi to compose a theme for Sansa called: “You’ll Be Queen ONE Day,” for Sansa and Joffrey scene. AND GRRM LET THEM.

D&D wrote that Sansa’s Show endgame was being crowned Queen in the North. AND GRRM LET THEM.

And if you wanna read about Queen Sansa from the Books, please read these posts: Here and Here.

Good night.

[azurika-writes]

Starstruck

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: you win a competition for a tour around the compound with a group of other winners and a meet and greet with the Avengers afterwards. You’re there to meet your idol, Bucky Barnes but he gets swarmed by other people who are there to meet him and so you almost miss your chance, until Steve Rogers sees the desperation in your face, he comes to your rescue. 

Warnings: this is a slow burn one shot, Bucky is your idol, language, Tony can’t mind his own business for a minute and is rude, sweet Bucky :)

Words: 4,215 (holy shit)

Authors Notes: I don’t know why this is so long holy shit, it’s my first slow burn fic I’ve written so far instead of drabbles. This idea came to me in a daydream and I don’t know if anything like this has previously been written but regardless, I hope you enjoy and feedback is more than welcome as always :)

It was a big day for you, full of excitement and nerves as you glanced down at your VIP pass. It wasn’t often you won these competition things, and you don’t really know why you participated, maybe it had something to do with a certain superhero that was listed to be apart of the special meet and greet or maybe it wasn’t that reason but you’re glad you did as you were one of 5 winners. Winning a special tour of the Avengers compound and then meeting the superheroes in the flesh afterwards. 

You were most excited to meet one particular superhero. The one with the black and gold vibranium arm and the shaggy hair and a full-grown beard covering his adorable cheeks. The one you’ve read and studied so much about the last couple of years. 

Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. Former veteran soldier, former Howling Commando, survivor. 

You surprised yourself because, history books, you would normally find quite boring, but knowing he was apart of that era made it all that more interesting and you became hooked, infatuated even as you researched every detail about the war he was apart of, understanding what he had to endure during his time in captivity, the ins and outs of his and Steve’s friendship, the good and the bad. The further you dug into his life, the more your heart clenched tightly in your chest. 

The more recent interviews of him, you wouldn’t believe he was once a different man. You half expected him to be this closed-off person with no interest in the public whatsoever but to your utter shock and surprise, Bucky was so down to earth. Paying close attention to the interviewer’s questions. Answering them in-depth with so much philosophy behind his words. You watched hours upon hours of YouTube videos of Bucky meeting with fans, he took pictures and smiled for the photo. Autographed their merchandise. Bucky was always smiling, despite everything he had been through. You followed him on Instagram and Twitter. He’s never noticed you, but some other lucky fans were noticed, it didn’t bother you because you preferred not to have the attention, you looked forward to seeing his posts, stories and tweets he puts up for the world to see.

You admired him. You wanted to tell him face to face just how strong he was. The strong soldier has endeavoured so much in his life. Hydra stealing his freedom away from him, turning him into their own little puppet. He deserved this peaceful life he was being given. 

You wanted to meet Bucky Barnes and here was your chance, you just hoped you wouldn’t trip over your words once you finally did. You held the folder that contained handwritten stories, artwork and letters of encouragement that you wanted to give to Bucky as a gift and a picture you wanted to be signed under your arm. 

You hung the pass around your neck as you waited with the crowd outside the large black iron gates. A muscled and tall security walked over a few moments afterwards and asked for everyone’s names, checking them off the piece of paper he had in his hand on a clipboard.

“Please pay attention to any instructions you’re given. Please stick together. Do NOT venture off on your own. If you do NOT comply with any rules, you will be asked to leave. Any questions?” The security guard asked and there were mutters of no’s from everyone in the group. “Alright, follow me please.” You all followed the man in silence, occasionally glancing at the other people.

The iron gate that was hinged upon two stone pillars opened easily and quietly. And once everyone was inside, it was closed with an echoing ‘clang’, momentarily startling you. The security guard walked ahead and led the group up a really long pebbled footpath. The bright green grass on either side of the path was littered in gorgeous flowers and blossoming cherry blossom trees. Your feet scuffing across the stones as you walked, taking in the scenery around you. The place was absolutely magical, if someone was to describe it to you, you would think they were just fantasising. Something that you would absolutely do As you continued walking, to your left was a large space where the quinjets were receiving their maintenance from engineers. The large A on the front of the building came into view. The place looked enormous, larger than you ever expected. 

You almost stumbled into the person in front of you. It was only then you realised everyone had stopped walking and was waiting near the doors.

The security guard turned around one final time. “Alright everyone’s attention, please. As I mentioned previously, please stick together. Do not be tempted to break away from the group and roam around by yourself. Please abide by these simple rules. Other than that, have fun and enjoy your experience. Mr Stark himself will take the guide over once you’re inside.” And with that, the guard flashed his key-card and the large glass doors opened. He stepped aside and motioned for everyone to go in. 

The lobby was probably the biggest you’ve ever seen imaginable. Even pictures from Pinterest couldn’t compare to the sheer size of this. The floors and walls were marbled. Workers behind their desks typing away on their computers and phones ringing off the hook.

The ding from the elevator caught everyone’s attention. Excitement bubbled up within you. You knew it was most likely to be Mr Stark since he was going to be the tour guide from here, but something in you wished for a moment it would be Bucky Barnes. 

But when the doors opened on the lavished elevator, it, of course, wasn’t. You hoped your disappointment wasn’t too noticeable. 

“You’re the groups of winners?” Tony wondered, pulling up his tablet to check the list of names. He called each name out one at a time to receive a stamp on their wrist. Once everything was validated, Tony led the way. The group following him closely but quietly. 

“As you folks can see, this is the lobby. We currently have over 10,000 staff employed in this area alone with over 200 security guards.”

“Why do you have so many?” A man from your group asked Tony. 

“Because we’re the Avengers, you don’t know who is out there to harm there. Hydra could walk through those doors at any given time. Moving on.” Tony walked towards the staircase, he explained it was because of maximum weight capacity in the elevator. The stairwell was echoed and so many stairs. You were quite winded when you got to the top.

“Are you alright there, Y/N is it? Do you need a medic?” You didn’t know whether Tony was joking or being serious, but you took quite a few deep breaths and shook your head no. 

“Alright. So welcome to the main floor. Here we have the common room, debriefing room, offices, a kitchen and numerous bathrooms along the hall.” Tony explained, pointing to each doorway down the long and narrow hallway. This was the floor of the common room? Bucky Barnes could be here, he could be through those doors, and that thought alone made your heart jump in your throat. 

“What is the common room used for?” A younger lady asked Tony. 

“The common room is where we, The Avengers hang out, unwind and relax after kicking ass. Follow me.” 

In the near distance, you could hear hushed voices as Tony led the group into the actual common room. It was empty besides two people; Clint and Natasha. Two superheroes you easily recognized.

“I wonder where Bucky is?” You leaned in and asked the girl standing next to you. She smiled back politely, “I haven’t seen anyone yet. They are due for the meet and greet right?” She asked you. With a nod of your head, you noticed Tony had stopped talking and was looking in your direction. 

“If you two are done with your conversation.” You both muttered an apology. “This is Natasha and Clint, our finest heroes. You’ll meet them and everyone else a bit later, let me show you the kitchen area.” Tony led the group further into the compound. The architecture was just incredible and out of this world. It was something you never really expected.

Tony showed you every nook and cranny of the compound; The indoor swimming pool with sauna and jacuzzi, the gym on the lower floor, the sleeping quarters one or two floors up, and he showed you the helipad where the quinjets received their maintenance and checks before takeoff. 

“Have you guys enjoyed yourselves?” Tony asked as he led you all once again into the common room, where this time more voices were heard. Everyone answered incoherently but you decided to keep quiet, afraid of getting told off again by Tony. “It’s been a pleasure having you.” He sighed, stopping just outside the door of the common room. “Now is the time you’ve been waiting for. You will have a chance to meet each superhero and please, don’t be shy. They are not as scary as they seem.” Tony winked, opening the door and motioning for all of you to walk through. As you were about to walk through, Tony grabbed your wrist and held you back. For a moment you were worried you would be denied this opportunity to meet your hero, “Are you alright? You’ve been the quietest out of the group.” Tony consoled. 

“I’m fine, I’m just taking everything in.” You smiled and Tony nodded, letting go of your wrist, allowing you through the door and once you did and made eye contact with those baby blues, you almost died. You became starstruck and it was almost impossible to peel your eyes away from him. In a line next to him stood the Avengers in their casual clothes, each with a glowing smile on their faces as they saw the pure shock on the group’s faces. 

“Hi and welcome!” Wanda smiled ushering everyone forward.

“Hi, Wanda. I’m your biggest fan.” One of the girls gushed as she stepped towards Wanda, tears running down her cheeks. You watched the group approach the one superhero they wanted to meet the most, you didn’t anticipate 3 other girls would approach and crowd Bucky so quickly. But the guy took it well, smiling and talking to them as he answered their questions, they were giggling and no doubt flirting. You stood back awkwardly, unsure about what to do. 

“Hey, kid. Are you gonna meet anyone?” Tony asked amused as she stood next to you, pushing his glasses up his face. 

“He’s kind of occupied.” You chuckled, your eyes wandering over to Bucky. 

“Yeah, he usually gets all the ladies.” Tony chuckled, stepping away to help someone. 

Your heart sank into the pit of your stomach as you noticed more and more people were now waiting to meet the former Winter Soldier. He was a lot more popular than you had realized, and it was just a realization that maybe you weren’t meant to meet him. You instead chose not to waste this once in a lifetime opportunity and decided to approach Steve Rogers who was free from a crowd and he was your second favorite superhero.

“Hey!” He said smiling as you approached, his perfectly lined teeth on show. His T-shirt was pulled across his broad chest. Steve stretched a hand out for you to shake.

“Hi! How are you?” You asked politely, returning the firm handshake. His hand was silky smooth like he had dipped them in a butter dish prior to meeting everyone.

“Can’t complain. Got a few days off to enjoy the sunshine. What do you have there?” He pointed to the folder that you had under one arm. 

“Oh, it’s kind of embarrassing but these are some things I wanted to gift to Bucky Barnes, but it looks like I won’t meet him.” You chuckled sadly, looking down at your feet. 

“He’s the popular one with these greets. He really outshines us all, I’m sure he would really appreciate it though.” Steve comforted but knowing time was running out and people just kept swarming him. You pulled your lip between your teeth, desperately willing yourself not to let your true disappointment show, but you couldn’t help it. You would never get this opportunity again and Bucky was impossible to reach out to on social media with over 50 million followers on Instagram and a whopping 20 million on Twitter. Even if you did reach out, there were too many people trying to reach him, your messages and tweets would be swallowed. This just annoyed you since you were only a couple of feet from the man you’ve spent a long time learning everything about, sympathizing with and he was still out of reach. 

Steve had been looking at your contour of emotions while you remained quiet. The folder under your arm was thick, he knew you were a genuine fan of Bucky’s and not just some fan girl who was here to flirt and try and get a hold of his personal number or request a follow on social media. 

“May I take a look?” Steve asked, pointing to your folder. His voice startled you slightly and you nodded shamefully. There was far too much dedication in that folder and you were sure he was going to lecture you for being too invested in Bucky when Bucky didn’t know who you were. You passed him the folder and Steve quietly looked through, you watched his eyebrows rise and fall on occasion and small smiles here and there. You swallowed the lump in your throat and bounced on the balls of your feet. 

“Alright, guys. That’s it, time is up! I really hope you all had a wonderful experience and could I please ask you all to calmly exit the common room and I’ll meet you in the hallway.” Tony spoke up and you panicked. Bucky was still laughing and joking with the girls and it was a moment lost. But Steve still hadn’t given you your folder back and you knew he must have heard Tony. 

“See you later ladies!” Bucky called out to them as they waved and blew kisses. You heard Bucky chuckle, “Man I thought they’d never leave.” He told Clint before walking out after the group.

“Uh Y/N?” Tony started but Steve looked up with glossy eyes. 

“Wait Tony, I’d like to keep her a while longer, don’t worry I’ll show her out afterwards,” Steve said, Tony was confused and you were confused, was there something he found in that folder that bothered him? Were you in trouble? Oh god, maybe your letters were too personal.

“Alright, freezer burn. Rest of you follow me please.” 

One by one the avengers left, except for Steve. You were still standing in front of him awkwardly, your heart beating a thousand beats per minute. You noticed he was now taking his time flicking through your folder. 

“This is really beautiful.” Steve complimented, he made sure Bucky was out of earshot before he continued, “You’ve spent so much time on this, your dedication, you really meant every word you think about him don’t you?” You knew he was referring to one of your many letters of encouragement, reminding him he’s human and a good man. 

“I meant it.” You replied sheepishly.

“You should meet him, Y/N. He would love this so much.” 

“I can’t. Tony has already kicked everyone out.” You chuckled, reaching for your folder but Steve wasn’t giving it back just yet. 

“And I’ve already told him I wanted to keep you a while longer. You’ve clearly come here to see him and it’s only right you did. FRIDAY, where did Barnes disappear to?” Steve asked the disembodied AI.

“Sergeant Barnes is in his room, Captain Rogers.” Steve sighed and rubbed his neck. 

“Please tell him to come back to the common room.” 

“Yes sir.” The AI responded almost immediately. 

“Cap? Can I have a word?” Tony walked through the door with his arms folded. Steve nodded and handed your file back to you. 

Your heart rate was still accelerating at a dangerous speed once you were left alone in the common room with your folder clutched to your chest. You were still worried Steve found something that might have bothered him, you were confused why he wanted to keep you behind while everyone else had to leave and you didn’t understand why he wanted you to meet Bucky so badly, you were already given the opportunity and it didn’t happen. 

Your thoughts froze when you heard heavy footsteps in the hallway and a tall, muscular figure round the corner with his hands shoved in his pockets. His eyebrows creased together when he saw it was just you in the room and not Steve. 

“You’re still here?” Bucky asked, his eyes narrowed and you gulped, nodding your head. “Not keeping you hostage is he?” He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. A smile grew on your face as he stepped closer to you. The purest of blue eyes you’ve ever seen in your life and they were looking right at you, one side of his shaggy hair was tucked neatly behind his ear and from this distance, you saw the dog tag chain around his neck and the tags clanking under his black Henley. This was your last opportunity to say what you wanted, to give him this folder, you knew you wouldn’t get this chance again and you were grateful to Steve for helping you out. 

“I um… sorry I’m a mess.” You chuckled and blinked the tears away. It was like a reunion you weren’t really prepared for. 

“It’s okay, let’s take a seat.” He motioned to the couches and you followed him. He sat on the coffee table opposite you and once you were ready and collected, you spoke more clearly. 

“This is for you.” You handed your folder to him and he took it gracefully. “I um…” your voice came out shaky and nervous but you kept going, “I just really have to tell you that I think you’re wonderful, a true hero, one of my heroes and um, I never really thought I’d get this opportunity to meet you in person and definitely not, um one on one, this really means the whole world to me.” Tears were starting to run freely down your cheeks at this point and Bucky sighed happily.

“You know, I’m extremely grateful for wonderful people like you. I noticed you when you walked through the door but unfortunately, I got swamped and I felt kinda bummed out myself that I didn’t even get to say hi. Thanks for coming here today and staying behind. I’m really glad you did and thank you so much for this.” He waved the folder in his hand. “I’ll definitely take a good look through it later in the privacy of my own room.” He smiled. 

“I do have one thing for you to sign if that’s okay?” 

“Yes of course!” He shifted on the coffee table slightly and the wood cracked under his weight. Your hands immediately covered your mouth as you tried to suppress a giggle. 

“If anyone asks… that wasn’t me.” He chuckled and stood up, choosing to sit next to you instead. 

“What happened to the coffee table?” Tony asked as he reappeared through the doors. “You’re here an awfully long time Missy.” Tony pointed accusingly at you. 

“Sam did it and leave her alone Tony. She has Steve’s permission to be here as well as mine.” Bucky glared and your cheeks heated up. “What did you want me to sign, doll?” Your heart almost choked on its own blood vessels at the pet name you knew very much about. It was more common in the 1940s and you wondered if Bucky or Steve ever used it today as an endearment to their women. 

“Make sure she’s gone so-”

“Fuck off Tony. Excuse my language, doll.” God, was he trying to kill you?

“You... you called me ‘doll’.” your breath got caught stuck in your throat. 

“Twice.” He winked.

Tony muttered under his breath as he left the common room with a weird looking android following him. Once you collected your thoughts, you pulled out one of your favorite pictures of Bucky that you had printed off the internet and handed it to him. Bucky reached into his pocket to pull out a sharpie and pulled the lid off with his teeth as he signed it. Your eyes slightly wandered over to his metal hand, it was the black and gold you loved so much. You remembered reading into so much detail about the different bionic arms, this one was made in Wakanda by Shuri herself with a lot of features that weren’t disclosed to the public. It looked more comfortable than the old silver arm with the red star which symbolized Hydra. 

“There we go!” His voice startled you. Your eyes shot up to meet his own and you blushed under his stare. 

“Th-thank you so much.” You stammered. Feeling hotter than a cookie baking in the oven. 

“You’re welcome!” He smiled, clipping the lid back on the sharpie. 

“Again, I really do appreciate this. Thank you for being so humble and I hope you find the letters encouraging.” You grinned looking down at the signed photo with a long message scripted on the back that you’ll read a little later.

“Well as I said, I really appreciate you for staying behind and for the folder. I can’t wait to look through it.” 

“Could I… could I be cheeky and ask for a quick selfie with you?” You bit your lip nervously. You were prepared for him to say no and that you had outstayed your welcome, so you were a bit surprised when his face lit up like a Christmas tree. 

“Yes!” You pulled your phone from your pocket and brought the camera app up. Bucky scooted in closer to you. “Tag me in it so I can add it to my story.” he smiled for the camera and you clicked the button, checking the photo to make sure it was good. You thanked him for the hundredth time.

“Okay, but I doubt you’d see it.” you chuckled and stood up, putting your phone back into your pocket. 

“Why’s that?” He deadpanned and you chuckled. 

“Um, sir. I don’t know if you know this but you have like 50 million people following you and probably 100 million DMing you to try and talk to you.” 

“Hmm. You’re right, maybe I’ll have to try and find you then.” He winked and before you could react, Tony reappeared. 

“I’m leaving,” you told him before he made another snarky comment about you still being there. 

“If you’re ready, would you please follow me.” He started to walk towards the door but you, for some reason kept still in your spot, contemplating whether to throw your arms around his midsection and give him a hug or walk away and regretting not hugging him. You went with the first option, and Bucky, seemingly reading your mind already had his arms opened wide and embraced you gracefully. They were big and strong, just like you had anticipated. His cologne was like sandalwood and vanilla, mixed with spearmint. Daring yourself further, you reached up on your tiptoes and kissed him quickly on the cheek. 

“Thank you, Bucky. It was a pleasure meeting you.” you smiled, pulling away from his embrace. He nodded curtly towards you. Tony huffed impatiently by the door and you reluctantly walked away from your hero.

Tony led you to the elevator since it was just the two of you. You felt the need to apologize for outstaying your welcome.

“Mr. Stark I’m so sorry for staying longer I-”

“Don’t stress kid. Cap explained everything, and don’t worry I almost guarantee Barnes will be in touch when he gets to the end of your folder.” you smiled but knowing that wouldn’t be true. Bucky probably wouldn’t think about you again after today. After all, he did receive hundreds and hundreds of gifts each week. 

The lavished elevator dinged and you stepped out in sync. Tony nodded to the security guard and you handed your VIP pass back to him before he opened the large glass doors for you to exit. 

“Thank you again, Mr. Stark.” You walked out, taking one last look of the compound before walking down the long pebbled path once again. Once you reached the iron gates, you gave the first security guard your name and he ticked you off the list, opening the gates and allowing you to exit. 

“Have a nice day, Miss.” He said and you nodded with a small smile. You walked further down the sidewalk and stopped. Turning the photo Bucky had signed for you. Smiling greatly as you read it.

Dearest Y/N,

It’s not often I get fans like yourself. You’re truly one in a million and for the record, I’m glad Steve kept you behind, I’m glad he connected us. We will meet again soon, doll. Until then, please keep safe and please keep reaching out. I notice more than you think.

Best regards,

Bucky

[doctors-star]

16 for cowboys??

“Look, I care about you, alright? Quite a bit, I’m afraid.”

Johnny flops on his back, head slightly downhill of his feet in a way which makes the blood in his skull rush and whirl bewilderingly and his eyes pressed closed against the burning-bright sun, as yet undimmed by the afternoon. Someone drops a hat on his stomach and he flinches as though it had been a cannonball, sticking his tongue out and playing at being injured like the hognose snake Will had found in the shade under the general store’s porch - he’d rescued it from being killed as a copperhead, scooped it up in his hat, and brought it round to Ainsel’s back window to show the kids, thoroughly derailing all schooling for the day, as they all crowded around the hat to watch the creature resolutely turn on its back and stick its tongue out in repeatedly feigned death.

He stretches massively on the grass, smiling at the gentle laughter and the feeling of someone sitting near him and reaching across to give him two firm pats on the flank like a well-behaved horse. It’s been a long day, and it started early, but Johnny does like the big drives and hay harvests - all Danser collected together for one purpose, to help their neighbours and be rewarded in turn. Before dawn, he’d been drummed awake by fists on his door and had dressed quickly in the dark to stumble out into the street and go about mustering up others in turn. Of their little gang, he’d been first out of doors, followed by Will - looking bleary but drawn out by the other men staying in the saloon - then Ainsel, who seems to think they might be more use in bed than on horseback every time they see their own horse, then Tommy and Finn looking respectively disgustingly bright and alert, and still mostly asleep. Will, with his extremely biddable broad-chested nearly-a-draught horse, is quickly co-opted into driving one of the carts out of town and along the dusty prairie roads, uphill to the Wilder ranch to deliver tin pails of food and heavy stoneware bottles of drink and the very young and the very old, so that all of Danser may equally participate in the drive. Johnny, Finn, Ainsel and Tommy saddle up and cut north through the prairie, up the steeper side of the hill where the road can’t run; there, Diaz, Wilder, and Wilder’s eldest lad are calling instructions over the heads of the crowd and pointing in disparate directions to where the cows oughtta be, and where the cows oughtta go. A further crowd of skirts and fine hats - for today the town congregates, and it had better be in full finery and Sunday best - has collected around Mrs Wilder and Mrs Diaz to make tea and grits and beans cooked with salt pork in molasses, the scent sticky and inviting on the air even now, with hours of cooking left. Johnny tilts his nose into the air and breathes deeply, shooting a wink at Jody Masham when she passes near and earning a delightfully saucy grin for it. Her ma notices, of course, and gives him the evil eye, but Jody lets her fingers trail down his thigh from hip to knee on the pretense of admiring his horse and looks up at him through her lashes and he could perish on the spot for love of her, so what does he care anyhow.

She passes up chunks of soda bread, steaming in the dawning light and golden with butter, and he tosses them to his fellow riders - dinner will be late today, what with the distance the herd might have gone. And then they’re away, riding nearly the full complement of the town’s horses across the plains to where the herd stands, sedate and well-fed on the last of their summer grazing and ready to be collected up, split once more between Wilder and Diaz, and stowed in smaller paddocks with good solid barns over winter.

There ain’t no point in racing, really. There’s no advantage to getting there ahead of any other person. Johnny grins up at the sky, remembering the wind in his hair, hat brim in his teeth, crouching low over his horse to eke out those crucial inches that keep his horse’s nose ahead of Finn’s as they hoot and holler with the freedom of the run.

“Aww,” Finn says in a tone of very mocking gentleness as he nudges Johnny’s knee with the toe of his boot. Johnny cracks an eye open in preparation to glare at him for the inevitable teasing; against the bright and sunny sky, Finn’s hat is like a halo though his face is dark in the shade. “Didya go too fast today? You ain’t got no endurance, Johnny.”

Johnny allows the glare to settle, but before he can retort, someone on his blind side snorts. “No endurance - how many girlfriends has he got, again?”

Johnny chokes on startled laughter. Finn is wide-eyed in delight as he stares across Johnny’s prone form. “William,” he says, sounding scandalised.

Johnny props himself up on his elbows and sticks his hat back on his head so’s he can watch Will spread his hands defensively. “What,” he says, “I can’t be crude sometimes?”

Finn gestures at his own cheeks. “Naw, sure ya can, only it makes your face go so red that I get worried about ya.���

“That’s just the sunburn,” Tommy says cheerfully, clapping Will on the shoulder hard enough to make him sway and dropping to the grass next to Johnny. As promised, Will’s fair skin is flushed with embarrassment and striped with an angry red across his angular nose and cheekbones, the skin already starting to peel from a day under the sun. He huffs and folds to the floor, knees up to his chest and sleeves shoved up to his elbows to display a bar of red down his forearms too.

“I hope you weren’t teachin’ my kids that kind of joke,” Ainsel says, an enormous black umbrella hooked under forearm and over shoulder to shield them from the sun as they carry a wicker basket in two hands packed with tin pails, bread, biscuits, and bottles over to their little circle. The rest of the town is ranged likewise on the hill overlooking the town and, beyond that, the desert; the horses are tacked out near the farmhouse; the kids themselves are enjoying the freedom and sunshine having been released from hay harvest duties and are tearing up and down the hill, weaving in between groups and only occasionally stopping by their families to grab more food before haring off again.

“I have done no such thing,” Will objects crossly, but Ainsel gives him first choice from the basket and tucks him under the umbrella and out of the sun when they sit beside him so it’s quickly forgiven.

“He was exceeding useful,” Noel pronounces, kneeling by the big enamel dish which represents their share of the molasses and beans and salt pork, and wielding a large spoon like a sword. Johnny gathers that she had appeared some time after dawn, to the disparaging muttering of many of the elder town ladies, but had done so with such a quantity of fine bread and pickles and preserves that her critics had been forced to quiet down to faces of pinched displeasure while Noel held court, knowing that it was not a competition and that she had, regardless, won. She had then gone about supervising the hay harvest, keeping the younger kids in line and occupied while those trusted with scythes cut the hay and Will, on horseback, ran the new hay tedder up and down the field, and then releasing them to stack the hay under her exacting eye. Jody and Peggy had been amongst the scythers and had told Johnny with mouths full of giggles how Will had been left “in charge,” and then done every single thing Noel told him to without complaint or thought of defiance - but the harvest had been done, and Danser is too fond of Will to mock him for being hen-pecked by a woman he hasn’t even married.

Johnny reaches across to ruffle Will’s hair, but he ducks away like a feral cat. “Aww,” he laughs, “you’re useful.”

“Wish the rest of you were,” Will grouses, folding sulkily around his plate.

Tommy catches Johnny’s eye and grins wickedly. He beams in reply; Noel sighs in advance. “It’s true,” Johnny says, assuming a woebegone expression and trying not to snigger when Tommy looks similarly sorry for himself. “We ain’t good for anything whatever. Wholly useless, and you don’t love us.”

Will sniffs, mouth turned down comically in disdain. “You’d be mad to do otherwise,” he tells them sternly, in his finest clipped tones - brought out for special occasions, and their amusement.

“Why, Mister Williams, that don’t reflect very well on me at all,” comes a voice behind Johnny’s left shoulder, light and familiar fingers coming to rest there in accompaniment. Distantly, Johnny is aware of Finn choking on laughter and cornbread, and of Will straightening awkwardly with an air of panic, and of Tommy smirking and kicking at the sole of Johnny’s boot in a teasing, vaguely encouraging fashion - but mostly Johnny is aware of those five delicate points of gentle contact over the ball of his shoulder, and the swishing press of skirts against his side, and how if he tilts his head right back and left he can see all up the willowy line of Jody Masham, hip to hair, her blue eyes and golden curls like a field of cornflowers. There’s a little compressed mischief at Will’s expense tucked into her smile, and Johnny wants to kiss at it until she shares it with him; and there’s a loose, frizzy loop of hair that has escaped from the large bonnet that keeps her pale skin free of the sun, and become darkened with sweat and flyaway in the heat, and Johnny wants to press his nose to it, smooth it between his fingers, tuck it carefully away with pins so that she needn’t mind it - he could do that, he thinks, could give up on all other professions but following Jody around to tidy her hair and carry her basket on one arm, shielding her with a parasol with the other hand.

“Um,” Will says guiltily. “I - well-”

“Don’t you dare say you didn’t mean it,” Ainsel says sternly. Jody is smiling fully now; she is so beautiful Johnny could burst.

“I’m not going to lie to the lady,” Will replies, relaxing out of his tense, guilty stance to be indignant at the idea that he might. She is rubbing little circles into his upper arm with her thumb now: Johnny could not tell you for love nor money what Will just said.

“Well,” Jody says, a laugh bubbling in her voice, “how ‘bout you lend me this young man in recompense an’ we’ll call it quits? I’d like a word.”

Johnny is already scrambling to his feet, pressed up on his toes in eagerness to follow her away. Her hand slides down his arm, shoulder to elbow, and the press of it leaves hot lines in its wake that make him shiver. “Ma’am,” Finn says politely, not without amusement, “you keep him.”

Jody curls her fingers around his elbow joint and guides him gently a ways away from everyone else. Once done, he scoops her hands up in his own and holds them carefully like something immeasurably precious. She smiles indulgently and nods at the basket on her other arm, which he’d barely noticed. “Present for you,” she says.

Johnny juggles her fingers into just one hand, freeing up the other to push aside the flannel cover and fetch out a thin, steaming disk of fried batter. “Johnny-cakes,” he says, delighted.

“Couldn’t resist.” He takes a bite, savouring the salty cornmeal cut through with sticky maple syrup, and grins broadly at Jody. She laughs at his enthusiasm and allows him to feed her the other half without letting her hands go, chasing the syrup from his sticky fingers with her tongue until he can barely breathe.

“So, what’s the word?” he manages, biting the tip of his thumb to keep from kissing her, here where her ma is almost certainly watching.

“The word.” Jody bites her lip, huffs a big breath, and looks away - and a solid feeling of dread settles in his stomach. He’s had it good for so long - with Jody, and Cathy, and even Peggy and Anne-Marie, in a way - and he’s always known it wouldn’t last, and that it would ruin him, and-

“The word is baby,” Jody says eventually, tilting her head to one side and pinning him with her gaze, eyes narrowed in consideration. All thoughts leave Johnny’s head in a moment, to be replaced with vague, foggy panic. “Not-” she squeezes his hand until it relaxes a little and ceases crushing hers, “not right now, Johnny, jesus. Come back.”

The fog recedes and he musters up a gentle pat of her fingers in apology for squashing them in his paw. His hands are so much bigger and stronger than hers, tanned and weatherbeaten where hers are pale and delicate with flour worked into the nailbeds, and he oughtta be more careful with them. With her, and with - with the word, if there is to be one.

He can’t tell how he feels about that, in the moment.

“Sorry,” he says ruefully, offering her a clumsy, lopsided smile. “I weren’t - anyway. You go on.”

Jody takes a deep breath and nods firmly, gaze fixed at some point on his left shoulder. “Alright, I will. Johnny, I’ve spent the day cutting hay with a whole herd of the town’s kids, an’ it’s occurred to me, I want one.”

“I’ll get you one,” Johnny says on instinct, like he does with everything Jody says she wants however unrealistic, from hair ribbons to haywains to the entire Union Pacific Railroad. And then she raises an eyebrow at him, and he remembers how that’s what they’re talking about, actually, and to deflect from this he nods his head at one of the kids pelting past on little chubby legs. “That one’ll do - will he suit ya?”

Jody’s face relaxes into amusement and she huffs, leaning forward to press her forehead into his sternum. He must stink of sweat, and wants to tell her to shift in case he does, but he doesn’t want her to move like he doesn’t want to lose his right arm and she doesn’t seem to care. “Sweetheart,” she says into his shirt, “you ain’t never gonna be friends with my ma if you go about giving her grandchildren by stealin’ em.”

“Not even a little one?” Johnny says, tilting his head to catch her eye and watch her giggle. “‘Sides,” he says, considering it with a slight frown, “not sure she’s over fond on my givin’ her grandkids the other way, neither.”

Jody leans back, smiling. “Only ‘cause we ain’t married,” she corrects brightly, and then falters back into seriousness, biting her lip. Johnny squeezes her hands in careful encouragement, for he feels (fears) they have reached the crux of the matter. “Johnny, I - I wanna have kids. Not today, or tomorrow, or maybe even a year or two yet, but I want ‘em. An’ - I know we’ve not ever been traditional, but my ma - my ma really is gonna disown me if I ain’t married when I have ‘em, so.” She shrugs, fingers tapping in agitation against his palm and her gaze fixed back over his shoulder. “I’m not saying now, but I am sayin’ someday, and if that don’t fit with you someday then - I gotta find someone else. An’ I don’t know how that someday fits with you and Cathy, or Peggy and Anne-Marie, or - or I guess just with you, but I’m sayin’... I don’t mind, I guess, so long as you do right by the kids, and we’re…” She trails off.

“Miss Jody Masham,” Johnny says solemnly, raising her hands between his own, “are you askin’ me to marry you someday?”

She meets his gaze at last, frowning shrewdly at him. “Depends,” she says shortly. “Are you gonna say yes?”

Jody hasn’t never said she loves him. Johnny doesn’t need her to: he knows she does, on account of how she smiles at him and teases him and trounces him at cards to win kisses five nights in seven on lamplit nights where her ma can’t see them. And he bandies about words of love to everyone and everything, enough for the both of them, and they’re well-settled into the kind of long-standing devotion that doesn’t need professing very much. She’s told him before that she’s no good at romancing others (though personally Johnny reckons she’s not bad) ‘cause of how she can’t be sentimental with them; she loves them, and they gotta figure that out, or they ain’t trying hard enough.

Johnny told her he loved her on their second meeting, but then, he’s like that. Always has been. And it doesn’t mean he loves her any less, or any more, than she does him; he’s just got an awful lot of love to share, and she doesn’t mind him sharing it.

He could be married, he thinks. He and Jody could do it, and do it well, and marriage was always waiting for him somewhere - now that he’s not looking at it down the barrel of some angry pa’s shotgun, and without the threat of that too, it looks mighty appealing. They’ll have to get a house, of course; somehow stop renting, and own outright, but how hard can that be? He’ll get her fine printed calico, and build a table for her sewing machine, and Ainsel will school the kids. Finn and Tommy can teach them to ride and make great pets of them, and this time years from now Noel will have them harvesting hay neatly under her stern eye, and Will can bring them hognoses cradled gently in a hat.

He could live in that future, and live long and well.

Johnny pretends to think about it, but lets his grin slip through so’s she knows he’s teasing. “Well, you ain’t hardly romancin’ me.”

She purses her lips against a real smile and uses their hand grip to punch him gently in the chest. “I brought you johnny-cakes, special,” she objects, and he laughs. “Look,” she says firmly, “I - care about you, alright? Quite a bit, actually, and so you’re just - gonna have to deal with that.”

Johnny ducks in close and presses his forehead to hers, beaming. “An’ I love you too,” he croons to make her blush, and then ducks under her bonnet and kisses her softly. He can do that, now - here before the town, on the day of the hay harvest and cattle drive, for they are, someday, to be married.

Jody pulls back, smiling secretly in the corners of her eyes, and strokes a hand through his hair. “I always forget,” she says absently, eyes on her fingers as they comb and tangle in his curls, “how nice your hair is without your hat on.”

Johnny frowns, puts a hand up to his own head. “Where is my hat?”

“It fell off when you leaned back to see me,” Jody supplies. “You didn’t seem to notice.”

“Oh.” He doesn’t remember that.

Jody smiles with resigned amusement. “Lord help me,” she sighs, “for I’m marryin’ a moron.”

Johnny puffs up in indignation. “You don’t have to.” Of course she doesn’t - Jody Masham is the prettiest girl in the county - the west - the world - and could have any man she pleases.

“Naw,” she says, rubbing her thumb along his chin. “I’m gonna.”