#and i’m feeling much more normal now thank you

[imaluckygirl]

⭑ tastes better because of you

( enhypen reaction )

synopsis: why does his orders always tastes better? — where you ask or get them to switch drinks/food after tasting his ; because his orders are always better.

( 엔하이픈 ) - hyungline!fem.reader ( maknae ver. ) ; fluff & some domestic content

୨ৎ back to the bookshelf . . .

note: hi . . . me after disappearing and appearing all of a sudden hehe ,, didn’t really checked this one ( just took a quick look as i was adding some stuff ) so it might have some grammar errors ; forgive me ><

warnings : mentions of food.

i can picture heeseung's brows going up, because he couldn't understand what you just said. however, the first time it happened he acted like it was completely normal.

when heeseung and you started dating for a month, he decided to celebrate his free time with you, asking you to go out with him to a cafeteria, get a coffee, kiss, hug, hold hands and take pictures. that was the plan. heeseung was a frequent costumer at that cafeteria, so when he walked in with you, he already knew what he wanted to order — even receiving greetings from the workers ( and not gonna lie, you got a little bit jealous back then ). “yeah, and for her is... what do you want to order baby?” your boyfriend whispered at you while he gazed at you looking at the coffee options. pouting at some options, you finally decided what you wanted to order. he then proceeded to finish the order and respectfully thanked the cashier, holding your hands once again after you thanked the cashier as after him.

waiting for his order, heeseung spent this minutes talking with you. since it has been just one month you two began to date, he was still a bit shy and hesitant, afraid that he might make you uncomfortable. when the barista called that familiar name, heeseung — still holding your hands — walked to the counter, handed the man the receipt and handed you your drink; taking a sip of his after thanking the barista with a smile.

walking out of the cafeteria, you took a sip of your drink and it was good. “what do you think?” he asked you. “it's good.” you shrugged with a smile, shyly nodding. “do you wanna to try mine?” oh, our naive boy... you remembered hearing his drink of choice and you kinda scrunched your nose, not really impressed or interested. however, when he insisted for you to try it — yelling in the middle of the street “just try it babe!” — and you took a hesitant sip, your mind was blown. “it’s so good.” your eyes were widen and your brows went up in surprise. your boyfriend chuckled, asking: “did you?” smiling widely. and then you nodded and he asked the fatidic question: “wanna switch?” “no, i’m okay...” you shyly answered, feeling your cheeks burning because of your exaggerated reaction over a drink; embarrassing yourself in front of your one month love while you enjoyed your blend boring drink.

nowadays things are completely different. a new kind of intimacy had bloomed, steps forward from puppy love to a more mature one. with that, the level of shyness was close to zero and you felt more free to talk to heeseung without blushing every single time, or feeling like you were being inconvenient. so, whenever you go out with your boyfriend and he orders something, you ask him for a bite or a sip — saying that you were saving him time. “is it good?” you asked heeseung, your mouth slight watering at the sight of his ice cream. before he could answer, you said: “can i have some?” you blinked your eyes at him, sending your puppy eyes directly to his heart. he just handed you his spoon and moved his arm closer to your hand; so you could scoop some of his ice cream, and obviously his ice cream tasted so much better. but oh well, i think he would rather sharing both ice creams than actually switching with you, still, every time you order something you don't like, heeseung is there to save you.

let's talk about jongseong now. we know that he's very caring and loves to pamper you, so you expected he would just say “sure.” and give you some of his coffee. however, when you asked your boyfriend if you could try his drink, probably he would chuckle a little, exposing his beautiful smile and playfully take a sip of his drink. “i thought you said you don't like coffee?” he cocked a brow, teasing you. “yeah, but i want to try it now.” you pouted. “you can try some of mine if you wan-” “here, try it.” he handed you the drink with a soft grin, like jongseong was mesmerised by your cuteness. — how did he get so lucky to have you for himself?

okay, let's say you didn't like the drink, what would he say? “i told you so.” or something, laughing at your scrunched nose and squinted eyes, all of that because of the strong coffee flavour; you thought you would get familiar with — at least you hoped so. but, in the other hand, if you actually liked his drink he would simply say: “let’s switch them then.” and just shrug. and, don't you dare saying no to him. if he baby likes it, his baby gets it. — couple goals...

another situation that this can happen is when he’s off work and goes get you take-out like you were craving the whole week. i mean, he cooks for you, but sometimes you just want a greasy industrial food; and not a homemade soup or something. and honestly, if you are feeling guilty about it, brush this feeling away, jongseong is just like you: he has these times where he just don’t want to cook, but he DENIES to see you in the kitchen. you still don’t know if this was an excuse to make him feel better for not feeding you 'real' food or if he was honestly scared to see you making a mess at the kitchen and accidently blowing up the house...

alright, let me get straight to the point! he text you saying that he was going home. once he walked in the living room, he was met with the cutest scene — you wearing your cozy pyjamas with your fringe slipped back by the pink headband you bought last time he went at daiso with you. “you look so cute.” and when you saw him your body jumped, surprised by him and embarrassed. “h-hi...”

“did you like it?” your boyfriend asked if you liked the burger you ordered. “yeah...” feeling your unsure and disappointed tone he smirked. “want to try mine?” and when you slowly nodded and pursed your lips, getting closer to him across the table and hesitantly taking a bite of his burger, jongseong could tell your eyes shined. “good?” he asked while you sat back on your chair, enjoying the savory burger. this time you instantly nodded, making your boyfriend smile. “here.” and surprisingly he had ordered another one, just for you because he knows you so well. although he bought you a brand new one, you insisted that you preferred the one he was eating because it tasted somehow kinda different — even though it was the same burger, it wasn’t the same flavour.

i can imagine how long it would take for jaeyun get your hints that you didn’t like your drink/food that much and wanted to try his. you remember the scene of both of you just sitting on a park bench, and keep in mind that this encounter was in the very beginning of his relationship with you. i mean, jaeyun is not dumb because let’s be real, back then his favorite subject was physics and math; numbers, letters and all of that math things we’ll never use in our daily life. anyway, you got my point. however, even though you knew jaeyun since middle school, when you started dating him you really thought he was kinda dumb, when he actually was just too focused on you. for an example, one day you were holding hands with him and when you were about to cross the street, jaeyun almost got ran over by a car. don’t even ask me how this happened, it just happened.

okay, let’s continue: as you sat on the bench by your boyfriend’s side, and you were clearly NOT enjoying your drink and trying to give him hints by making a disgusted face after taking a sip of your drink while replying to one of his random questions. you couldn’t tell if he was ignoring your hints or actually not realising. you preferred to believe he wasn’t getting them. nowadays you would probably distinguish in a second and tell him what you want right away; and jaeyun is less stupid because he matured and became an adult. “baby,” he called you with a frow, and your eyes shined, thinking he finally realised. “what if we moved together in the future and get a dog?” you sigh, but still replied him calmly.

after a few minutes taking small sips of your drink, you got the courage to ask your boyfriend if you could have some of his drink. “of course baby!” he would flash his head at you the second you call him, moving his focus from the little boy petting his dog’s head and handing you the drink with a sweet smile. you smiled back, taking a sip of his drink and damn he’s drink of choice was MUCH better. actually, you found out later that it was the same coffee but he added something different ( like an extra ) and that little something changed the entire drink’s flavour. of course he knew what was better, you remember how much you’ve seen that coffee’s shop logo back in high school.

“did you like your drink?” he would ask you after you took a long sip from his drink. “yeah, it’s okay...” when he saw how your lips pouted and you shrugged; speaking in a low tone voice, he asked you softly: “did you like mine better?” and when you nodded he smiled. “okay, give me yours and you can have mine.” you definitely wasn’t expecting your boyfriend to kiss your cheeks and lips after taking your ordered drink out of your hands. he was trying to hide a smile and hold in a giggle, ending up in some weird mouth/guttural sounds?

nowadays, as i previously mentioned, jaeyun got more mature as expected and got to know you better for a long period of time. even though you were his best friend a long time before both of you confessed to have feelings for each other in your late days of high school — close to the graduation day where he asked you. your boyfriend kept being kinda silly around you but he’s more observant. not completely because he still has that unique and authentic puppy personality you always cherished, and sometimes you can tell when he’s pretending to not get your hints just to see your cute frustrated frown and kiss that pout out of your lips, saying that he understood that you didn’t like your drink/food that much.

sunghoon would be completely silent. like, he would immediately realise you didn’t like your drink because he is more of an observant than an speaker. it’s funny how jaeyun and sunghoon contrast with each other.

usually he goes out with you, and one day he decided he wanted to book a fly to japan with you, to spend a whole month exploring tokyo, osaka, and spend time with you at the best restaurants and cute coffee shops he could find in the internet. even though, as i always say, sunghoon doesn’t show or look like an affectionate person, he is, but he loves in silence, and waits for the right time to let it show. he feels safe with this type of love/relationship, and you never showed signs of being uncomfortable with how he deals with his feelings. i think it was always a lot for him to process, but we’ll talk about those feelings in another opportunity.

in japan your boyfriend told you he knew a cute coffee shop in tokyo, and he was definitely not admitting too soon he was following a account named: ‘best of japan restaurants’ ( with an underscore between japan and restaurants ) — he also followed some of riki’s advice.

arriving at the cute coffee shop — that looked more like a chic boutique if someone passes by the place in a rush —, sunghoon had already planned everything, so there was an booked table just for both of you. right after he walked in — with your with your hand attached to his and warmed up in his coat’s pocket — hearing the sound of a bell ringing and an feminine voice exclaiming ‘WELCOME!’ in japanese; and watching an young lady approaching. — “こんにちはようこそ！テーブルは予約しましたか、それともテーブルを選びたいですか?” “sunghoon, call riki to help us…”

okay, this is a funny story so i’ll probably tell you later, but after spending a good minutes trying to explain the attendant that he had an table booked under his name, she finally gave both of you a green light. as the menu got placed onto the table by the japanese lady, you began to look for something and your boyfriend seemed to do the same as you, but asking: “what did you liked in the menu pretty?” and you would blush. when you told him what you wanted and he struggled once again to order in japanese, a few minutes later your drinks and pastries arrived. “looks good.” sunghoon hummed and took a sip of his drink, waiting for you reaction after trying yours. and when you smacked your lips twice he knew you didn’t liked it.

with that information, he looked at you and sighed, switching the drinks and proceeding to take a sip of your order. “it’s good, keep this one,” he pointed to his order. “i like this one better.” and you pout, but still tries really hard to hold in a big smile — even though he can still see your cheeks getting red.

and he did this every time since then, already being able to tell if you liked something or did not. — and that counts at social events too.

extra note: maybe i should post an sunghoon headcanon about this trip to japan + a ot7 enhypen scenario/thoughts — what do you guys think?

© imaluckygirl , originals .ᐟ 24.

taglist: @jakesangel . . . ( wanna join? send me an ask ! )

[emmyrosee]

Only write this if u want to and with whoever u want.

But y/n has been depresso expresso these past few weeks she can’t get out of bed, she’s not been answering calls or texts and whenever she does she’s declining requests to hang out or come over….and her boyfriend had been missing her. So he just shows up spontaneously and rings the doorbell and she opens the door and she stares at him and then BURSTS into tears. BC GUESS WHAT ur grieving ur broke ur periods here u have assignments due next week that u haven’t even started and ur just so overwhelmed…. But Ofc u didn’t want ur boyfriend to see u like this u look messy right now. BUTTT Ofc ur boyfriend couldn’t care less and takes care of u anyway and brings u outside for fresh air and takes u for some ice cream at the 24 hr convince store nearby even though he doesn’t even like Ice cream that much but u have been craving something sweet and cold so why wouldn’t he 🥹

SO ANYWAY THANKS DOR READING LOVE U SO MUCH HAVE A GREAT NIGHT, EVENING OR DAY ❤️

-Anon🥢

The gentle knocking against your door has your brow raising and your show pausing. You’re not used to having guests at this hour, much less guests at all, and you wrap yourself in a blanket to get up and greet the person at the door.

You check the peephole. Osamu stands outside, playing on his phone.

Your heart sinks at the idea of him seeing you like this, seeing you so drained and so tired, but you can’t ignore him or send him away, either. You shrug the blanket higher on your shoulders and you open the door, trying to ignore the way his face lights up as you open it. “Hey,” you murmur.

“Hey,” he whispers, hands digging around the plastic bag in his hand, pulling out a bag of gummy bears. “I brought gummy bears.”

You don’t know why- Honest!- but your eyes water and your lip wobbles and you absolutely throw yourself into his chest, his arms expertly catching you and cradling you while you absolutely wail. You fist his shirt as your sobs wrack your soul. He doesn’t say anything, merely pressing kisses to your head and rocking you both gently. “I’m sorry,” you heave.

He shushes you softly, “don’t worry about it. It’s okay.”

“I missed you so much,” you sob, and he hums in agreement. “Osamu, I’m so tired, I can’t bring myself to do anything, what’s wrong?”

“You’re in your head,” he says quietly, pulling back to wipe a tear that falls from your eye. “And that’s okay. You’ve been working so hard, it’s totally normal to be a bit burnt out, baby. You’ve got a lot going on.” He smiles softly at you, “but this is your sign to be pampered for a little bit, okay? You trust me?”

You sniffle a few more times before nodding, curling back into his chest to feel the tightness of his embrace circle you once again. He says nothing, he does nothing, merely letting you cry it out in his arms, with the occasional kiss to the crown of your head. Once you’ve tuckered yourself out, you pull back to look at him once again, only to laugh at the imprint of your crying face on his shirt. “Sorry,” you manage between sniffly laughter.

“It’s fine,” he snorts. “It’ll dry. Now-“ he nudges his head towards the door, “go lock up, and we can run to 7/11 for some ice cream.”

The mere idea makes your heart sing, but you pout up at him, “you don’t like ice cream though?”

“I’ll get chips. I know you’re going to steal some anyways, so I don’t mind,” he chuckles. For the first time in weeks, you feel yourself perk up, the idea of something sweet and cold tingling your tastebuds in ways you haven’t felt since losing your appetite. You move quicker than you have in days, turning off the tv and locking your door, only for osamu to catch you and wrap you in his big arms. You giggle as he catches under your knees and spins you into a bridal carry, and you wrap your arms around him instinctively.

He places you gingerly in the passenger seat, careful of your head and legs before closing the door and making his way to the drivers side. You smirk and lean over to honk the horn to scare him, cackling as he leaps a foot in the air, his face curling into one of mischief as he shakes his head. He gets in the car, “I’m getting you back for that.”

“Try me,” you tease.

The ride to 7/11 is just as fun, with his hand on your thigh and the windows down while music plays through the speakers. The sun is setting, casting a hue of pink over the horizon and objects on it, and it’s almost amusing how the 7/11 looks ethereal carved in pink.

Four bags of chips, a bag of m’n’m’s and three ice creams later, you check out of the store and make your way back to the car, each of you indulging in your ice creams before they melt into goo.

You sigh and look up at him, “are we going home?”

“Do you want to?”

He looks over at you warmly, laying his tongue flat to slurp up a lap of ice cream. You snicker and shrug, “not… not really. I mean… I haven’t been outside in weeks, and it feels so good.”

“Then we don’t go home,” he says simply, taking a bite of his cone. “I think the moon is full tonight, so we can go watch the sunset finish, look for the moon?”

You beam up at him, “I’d love that.”

He nods, “I thought you might.”

It takes only 5 minutes to find a park suitable to situate at, your fingers now dug into a bag of Doritos as he parks the car and nudges his head, “come on. We can set up in the trunk.”

“Trunk?”

“Yeah,” he encourages, and you merely shrug and follow his example of getting out of the car. He pops the trunk and plops himself down, patting the seat next to him. “I don’t have a blanket we can lay down on, so this will have to do.”

“Why don’t you lay on the dirt and I’ll lay on you?” You ask, and he rolls his eyes while you laugh. “I thought you were chivalrous, Osamu.”

“I’m not getting a tick because you’re too fancy to sit in a trunk,” he teases, and you shake your head playfully before sitting in the trunk next to him. You rest your head on his shoulders, and he reaches in the bag for a dorito, his head laying down to rest on yours.

And it’s quiet. Comfortably quiet, with a warm hand resting on your knee with his thumb rolling over the bone lovingly, a bag of crumpled Doritos tossed somewhere behind you. The sun has set half an hour ago, but you’re both too entranced by the bright moon hanging low in the sky to move. Bugs come to life as they chirp, and streetlights pop on around the park.

It’s bliss.

It’s amazing how much the fresh air has brought you back, how much Osamu brought you back, and you don’t know what you’d do without him.

“‘Samu?”

“Yeah baby?”

“I love you.”

He kisses your head, “I love you too, baby.” Then he sighs, and you feel the arm wrapped lowly around you trail up your side, and your lip twitches. “Now, about the whole honking at me thing-“

“No!” You squeal as five fingers dig into your side, holding you close as you squirm at the tickling, your laughter ringing in the air of night that envelops you both like a hug.

[winwintea]

secure that card! 28. burnt cookies

Chenle wanted you to start on something simple, like cookies. Baking wasn’t hard, you couldn’t set the kitchen on fire unless you forgot about the cookies, and he would be there to make sure that wasn’t going to happen.

Or so he thought. 

“You can eat the dough right?” You asked him carefully scooping a bit of the dough up with your finger.

“Yes, but did you wash your hands?” Chenle carefully eyed your finger as it slowly made contact with your mouth.

“Of course I did!” You beam at him, and he can’t help but crack a smile. “Wait… this is so good… try some…” 

He watches you as you once again dip your fingers into the leftover batch of dough, scooping up more from the bowl, and walked over to you in one swift motion. “What are y-?” He had little time to react however, before you promptly shoved the cookie dough into his mouth. 

“Tastes sweet right?” You asked him, clearly unfazed. 

Chenle’s cheeks were practically flushing red, “A little warning next time?” 

The corners of your mouth lifted up with a smirk, “What? You’re perfectly fine with whatever we did last week, but you can’t handle a bit of this?” 

“It’s not… Stop that…” He stammered out, unable to respond. 

“Relax. I love teasing you. It’s so easy, you know that right?” 

Although he was normally the one bullying his friends, it seems as he had flipped his switch when it came to you. (Recently though, it’d seemed as though he was the one being subject to jokes ever since you were introduced to the table)  “Yeah… I guess… Alright…” 

Chenle couldn’t practically believe that you two had gone from strangers to lovers in practically a couple of weeks, nor did he imagine you would ever reciprocate these feelings back. It seemed as if there had been many events in between that drew you two closer together. Call it fate, call it bad luck, but good things had certainly followed. Not that he didn’t feel guilty at least, knowing he had been the cause for probably half of your misery these few days. 

“Thanks for taking my mind off of things, certainly been having a rough couple of weeks…” You gave him an endearing smile, once again eating another spoonful of cookie dough.

“Did you want to continue to be distracted, or talk about it?” Ever since you had arrived at his house, you two had not mentioned a single word about Haechan and his most recent relapse. Chenle had decided to give you time and space to talk about it when you wanted to, and instead allowed you to focus on the task of baking the cookies first. Now that the cookies were in the oven you two had a few minutes to spare while waiting for them to finish. 

You thought to yourself for a couple of moments, before turning to look at him with a determined look on your face, “It’s okay, we can talk about it.” 

Taking a seat, Chenle eagerly waited to hear what you had to say about the situation. He couldn’t help but feel curious as to what exactly happened. 

“So almost 2 years ago, it was just me, Jaem, Yuqi, and Haechan.” You began, “And it was sort of awkward for me, since I’m younger than them. Yuqi’s the oldest so she kind of takes on a motherly figure sometimes towards us, and Jaem and Haechan are in the same grade.” 

Chenle hadn’t expected you to launch into your friend group’s history, but was interested regardless. 

You continued on, “But Haechan always somehow made us feel? Connected? He always bridged that gap between our ages. Probably since he acts so immature half the time, but it was so nice. Regardless, we actually used to go out partying all the time, Haechan and Yuqi especially. As you can see, we don’t really anymore.” 

“Is that why you had an aversion to attending dejun’s party a couple of weeks ago?” 

“Yeah, it mostly stems from the past issues. You see, Haechan got hooked on LSD at this time. At first, we didn’t think much on it. He casually used it, and it wasn’t very often, so we kind of just tolerated it?” Chenle nodded attentively as you carried on, “But eventually it got bad, like… really bad… I…”

He latched onto your hand, gripping it softly with his own palm, and looked to you for support. Chenle didn’t say it out loud, but his eyes seemed to say that you didn’t have to continue if you wanted to. 

Determined to finish, you smiled at him and returned to your story, “He would go through… many episodes. It was the worst. Sometimes it would be fine, and he could be clean for, a couple of weeks, and sometimes… he’d go back to that shitty state once again. He’d go in and out of rehab multiple times… and his mother… We really liked his mom and she liked us, but she just… practically gave up on him. It was so… heartbreaking… Like how could you, ever just? I don’t know. I don’t understand? Your son?” 

You had tears in your eyes at this point, and Chenle couldn’t bare it any longer, as he grabbed you and embraced you into a hug, his fingers stroking your hair slowly. “It’s okay… He got better right? Didn’t he?” 

“He did… and we all helped him, Jaem especially. He helped him get into rehab, and stood by him most of the time. Really it was all in thanks to Jaemin that Haechan was able to get better. And he’s been clean for about a year and a half.” You stared deeply into his eyes, “And that’s why we rarely attend parties anymore.” 

“And now? What happened now?”

“Honestly, I’m not entirely sure. I just found out that the supplier of the drugs was Ten.” He raised an eyebrow, but you hurriedly finished, “But before you jump to any conclusions, we confirmed that Ten had no clue he was selling Haechan any drugs. I need to ask Haechan myself, though.” You sighed, leaning more into his embrace, as he continued to play with your hair. 

“Well I think you’re honestly really brave, Y/n.” 

“Me? Brave? How so?”

“Well you’ve dealt with so much shit recently. With getting run over, to being stalked, to dealing with one of your closest friends relapsing, you’ve been through a lot. Honestly it’s so admirable, how much you’ve been able to deal with and still stay strong. I love you for that actually.”  This time your face was flushing, instead of the other way around. And it didn’t help that Chenle had started placing small butterfly kisses on your forehead, but you were perfectly content with that anyways.

However you two were suddenly startled by a loud beep from the kitchen.

“Shit.”

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SUMMARY ▸ zhong chenle is the owner of many cards. a black card? he owns that. he even has a stanford student id card. the one card he doesn’t own though? a green card. and if chenle plays his cards right, he just may be able to secure one by wooing you. or it could all fall through… who knows?

TAG LIST ▸ @marvelahsobx @lyvhie @odxrilove @jkslvsnella @aquaphoenixz @wonnieluv @acidwon @syatchy @sleepyvic @grassbutneo @chcnlcs @taeeflwrr @hibernatinghamster @jaeimjaemin @gukuwii @slayhaechan @yyangj3lly @seunghancore @clean-soap @bath1lda @lostinneocity @defzcl @ckline35 @multifandomania @meltinghershey @foxy-kitsune @jising-jisang-jisung @minkyuncutie @zuzu-the-simp @dojaejunging @leehanascent @nosungluv @sunflowerbebe07 @h-aecat @layuhsblog @fae-renjun @w3bqrl @hyuckies18 @wonbin-truther

[thisissirius]

spoilers, spoilers, spoilers. i'm obsessed with the idea of eddie's breakdown.

supplication eddie/buck, chris (past tommy/buck). stylistic depictions of eddie's mental state. hurt, hurt, hurt and comfort. in which eddie loses chris, himself, and his tentative hold on his mental state. buck's there for him, for them, as always.

“What am I supposed to do now?” Buck doesn’t answer.

Eddie doesn’t know who he is without Chris. Actually. He does. He does know. He’s been without Chris and he doesn’t want to be that person again. Except this time it’s Chris that leaves. Chris went with his parents, looking back once, Eddie’s heart breaking at his feet. With Buck’s hand on his shoulder, his father’s admonishments ringing in his ears, and his son walking away, Eddie didn’t think there was much farther to fall.

Frank stares at him.

Eddie stares back.

“Eddie. I can’t help you if you don’t help me.”

Eddie says nothing.

A sigh. “Perhaps Buck—”

“No,” Eddie says immediately.

Buck is happy. Buck and Tommy, two of the best guys Eddie knows, are together and happy. Buck smiles more, lives more, and feels more comfortable in his skin.

Now that Cap’s out of hospital and recovering, everything as close to normal as it’s gonna get, Buck’s living for himself for the first time in—Eddie doesn’t even know.

What he does know is this; Buck can’t help, shouldn’t help.

Eddie can fix himself, can make this work without crawling to his best friend to help.

The house is too empty? Eddie will just make sure he’s rarely in it. Carla checks in on him? Eddie will just make sure he misses her calls. His parents messaging to tell him—well, those he’ll at least look at, because it might be something about Chris.

Eddie is fine, fine, fine.

Eddie remembers standing in a shop with Chris and Ana and feeling his heart race, pound, cascade away from him. He remembers thinking heart attack and being so mad at himself when he realised it was a panic attack instead.

Now, standing at his kitchen sink with a hand pressed to his chest, he’s just as mad at himself. He can’t even keep control, can’t stop himself from feeling Chris’ absence, from the press of loneliness.

Frank looks him in the eye when he says, “I can’t sign you back to work, Eddie.”

Eddie doesn’t snap until he’s sitting in his car. There’s Chris’ discarded bag on the floor on the passenger side. A takeout carton shoved into the gap between door and seat. Touches of his son everywhere. Touches of Buck, still, in his car.

He can’t go back to work. He doesn’t have a son. His best friend is—

Eddie is fine, fine, fine.

“The station will still be there, Eddie,” Bobby says gently.

Fuck you, Eddie thinks silently, because it’s not Bobby’s fault. Nothing will sill be there.

Buck glares at him. “When were you going to say something?”

Two weeks leave. For now. Until Eddie can figure out what the hell is going on.

“I’m going to see Chris,” Eddie says, injecting enough enthusiasm into his voice that he hopes Buck can’t read it. “I know it’s only been a couple of weeks, but—"

He’s lying to Buck.

He’s lying to Buck.

To Buck.

God.

“I’m sure it’ll be good for you both,” Buck says, frown giving way to a smile. He has a date with Tommy in about twenty minutes. Eddie knows because he saw the plan in his phone. “I’ll have to join you next time. I miss him.”

Eddie nods, because he doesn’t trust himself to speak. Buck will have to leave soon if he’s to make his date with Tommy and—

“Right,” Buck says, slipping his phone into his pocket. He pauses, because of course he does, looking at Eddie. “You okay?”

“I will be.” It’s not a lie; one day, probably, Eddie will be fine. “Go, have fun.”

Buck grins, laughs a little, bashful, and god, Eddie loves that he’s so happy, that he’s secure. He deserves it. “Thanks. I’ll speak to you when you get back?”

Eddie pulls him into a hug, because what else can he do. Maybe he clings a little too hard, maybe Buck presses back just as tight because some part of him senses something. Forcing himself to let go, Eddie finds his smile a touch more real because it’s Buck. “Go. I’ll be alright.”

“You better,” Buck says quietly. He gives Eddie one more glance and then bounces out of the house. Bounces. Child.

It takes a while for Eddie to move away from the door.

The house is quiet.

The house is lonely.

The house is empty.

Eddie’s empty.

Eddie’s lonely.

Eddie’s quiet.

Eddie’s phone is cradled in his hand.

The screen flashes and he knows he should answer, knows he should do something. Pick up? Speak to whoever it is?

Chris?

Buck?

Eddie closes his fist around it and drops it onto the floor.

It’s fine.

Eddie’s fine.

Eddie’s

                                fine, fine, fine.

“Eddie?”

Something bangs, a splinter of wood.

Eddie’s door, probably.

Did he lock it?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

“God, what—”

The voice is familiar. Cherished.

“Eddie, I need you to open your eyes.”

Why.

“Please. For me?”

Who.

“It’s Buck, Eddie. It’s me. Look at me. Please, look at me.”

It’s an effort to open an eye.

“That’s it.”

Buck looks—good. Panicked, desperate. Good.

Eddie doesn’t feel good. He doesn’t feel right.

“Buck,” he croaks.

“God, Eddie, you,” Buck looks over his shoulder. The bag is still by the door where he left it. “Chris called. He said you hadn’t called—you lied to me? About going to see him?”

Eddie doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Buck shakes him a little, fingers against his chin. “Eddie?”

“I miss him,” Eddie says, his voice breaking. “But I—I can’t let him see me, not like this.”

“It’s been two weeks.” Buck looks stricken. “Eddie, Eddie, tell me you haven’t been here alone for two weeks?”

Eddie can’t. It would be a lie and he doesn’t want to do that to Buck again.

“Eddie.” Buck’s face crumples, tears in his eyes. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You’re happy,” Eddie whispers. He touches Buck’s face. His hand is shaking. Why is it shaking? “I didn’t want to mess that up.”

“God,” Buck says again. Eddie should tell him he shouldn’t blaspheme, but then he’s being manhandled into a sitting position. Arms come around him. They’re strong, Buck’s strong.

Eddie opens his mouth.

Closes it.

“Buck,” he manages eventually. “I think there’s something wrong with me.”

Buck sobs, a hand coming to rest against the back of Eddie’s head. He’s cradled. Held. Loved. “I’m here, Eddie.”

Eddie breaks.

His feelings cascade, break, and he folds into Buck, buries his face in Buck’s shoulder and cries.

Buck holds him, protects him, whispers.

I’ve got you.

Let it out.

It will be alright.

Buck is watching him.

Eddie’s skin crawls. “Buck—”

“If you ever lie to me again,” Buck starts, cuts himself off.

“You remember that puzzle we did with Chris a few weekends ago?”

Frowning, Buck nods. “Yeah.”

“There were pieces missing,” Eddie says, staring down at his hands. They’re curled around his glass, but it feels like he’s not touching anything, like he’s not holding onto it at all. Maybe it will fall. He tries not to let it. “I feel like the missing pieces.”

Blowing out a breath, Buck looks down at his phone. He holds it out to Eddie. It says Frank and the betrayal is swift. Before Eddie can say anything, Buck says, “Eddie, take it,” and his voice is strong, unyielding.

“Okay,” Eddie says. “Okay.”

Eddie doesn’t know who he is without Chris.

He doesn’t want to learn, but he has to. Has to listen to Frank, to speak, to unwrap himself, to talk, to talk, to listen.

Buck is waiting in the parking lot, leaning against the car.

“You have a date with Tommy,” Eddie says slowly.

“Nope,” Buck says, standing straight. He looks happy, still, but the words coming out of his mouth; “I’m a free man.”

Eddie panics, feels something else cascade away from him.

Immediately, Buck is in his space. “Eddie, no, hey no.”

Hands on his face, thumbs against the curve of his cheeks. Buck’s eyes boring into his. “Buck.”

“Tommy and I, what we had was fun, good for me, but you, god Eddie, you’re everything to me.”

Everything.

Can he be everything when he doesn’t even know himself?

“Let’s go home,”  Buck says, “call Chris.”

Chris.

“Dad!” Chris is smiling, clutching he iPad and looking happy.

Is it Texas?

Being away from Eddie?

A hand rests on the back of his neck.

“Buck,” Chris says, just as enthusiastic. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, buddy,” Buck says, dropping into the seat next to Eddie. “Eddie?”

“Chris,” Eddie says, and feels something slide into place. He’s still a father, still here. “Are you having fun in Texas?”

Chris goes quiet, eyes dropping. “They said you were in hospital.”

Eddie closes his eyes. “Chris—”

“He was,” Buck says quietly. He’s done this before. Too many times. Eddie owes so much, so much, he can never be worthy of whatever brought Buck into his life. “But he’s home and I’m taking care of him.”

“Good,” Chris says decisively. “I want to see you smile, Dad, and mean it.”

Choked, Eddie doesn’t know what to say. The fingers on his neck stroke, soothe, and Eddie breathes. “I will, Chris. Promise.”

Chris beams. “I wanna come back home soon, Dad.”

“You will,” Eddie promises, because he may have broken, scattered, but slowly he’s piecing himself back together. “We’ll have a party when you get back.”

A cheer and Chris is off, talking about Texas and their family, and it washes over Eddie. He grounds himself; Buck’s hand, the steady cadence of his son’s voice, the house that feels comfortable in the moment.

Buck kisses him softly, cradles his head in his hands.

Eddie feels cherished.

Safe.

“Buck,” he says.

“Sweetheart,” Buck replies, like a benediction. “Let’s go get our son.”

Yes, Eddie’s heart sings. Yes, yes, yes.

.the end

i'm so emotional dlshfdsjfhkj.

ao3 link

[sergeantbarnessdoll]

Birthday Girl » Sebastian Stan

Pairings: Sebastian Stan x Female Reader

Summary: Your friends take you to Comic Con for your birthday and you end up meeting your celebrity crush.

Warnings: Fluff, language, age gap (reader is 23), pet names

A/N: My birthday inspired this one shot🥰 I hope y’all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it🩵

A/N 2: I used Google translate for the Romanian translations. I apologize if I got anything wrong.

Written on my phone. I’m sorry for any mistakes.

Header made by @buckys-wintersoldier

GIFS ARE NOT MINE! Credit goes to the creators. I found these on Pinterest.

You and your friends are at Comic Con for the recent Marvel movie Captain America: Civil War. Your friends decided to take you for your birthday. You couldn’t help but look at Sebastian the whole time. He’s your celebrity crush. All of your friends know that. Little do you know that one of your friends are going to announce to the Marvel cast that it’s your birthday. You were just so caught up with admiring Sebastian that you didn’t even hear your friends talking next to you. You didn’t know what it was about, but they’ll probably tell you later.

“I have something to say, but it’s not a question.” One of your friends say.

You turned your attention to your friends and noticed that one of them had the microphone.

“Today is my friend’s birthday.” She tells the Marvel Cast.

“And her celebrity crush is Sebastian Stan.” Another one of your friends say.

Your eyes widened and your jaw dropped when they said that.

“Where’s your friend?” Sebastian asks her.

“Right here.” All of your friends move you in front of them and pointed at you. “And she would absolutely love it if you could say happy birthday to her in Romanian.” She says to him.

“Well, in that case, la multi ani, draga. Te iubesc.” Sebastian says in Romanian.

You were completely speechless. You didn’t know what to say. Your celebrity crush just said happy birthday and I love you to you… in Romanian. This is the best day ever for you.

“I- uhh- thank you!” You say, still speechless.

A smile grew on your face and it stayed there for the rest of the time you guys were there. The smile was still on your face when you guys went out for drinks for your birthday. You let your mind wander as your friend talked amongst themselves.

“Y/N?” One of your friends say.

“I think she’s still in shock about Sebastian Stan saying happy birthday to her in Romanian.” Another one of your friends say.

“Did you guys say something?” You asked, pulling yourself out of your thoughts.

“You’re so lovestruck over Sebastian Stan that you didn’t even hear us talking.” She says.

“I am not- oh my god! He’s here!” You say.

Your friends turned around to see Sebastian and the rest of the Marvel cast walking in the hotel bar you guys were in. Sebastian seen you looking at him and gave you a smile. You couldn’t help but blush.

“Sebastian is looking at you.” Your friend points out.

“He’s walking this way. What do I do?” You say like a teen girl who sees her crush in the hallway at school.

“Act normal.” Your friend says.

You tried your best to remain calm as your celebrity crush walked towards you guys.

“Hey, it’s the birthday girl.” Sebastian smiles at you. “You ladies mind if I steal your friend for a minute?” He asks.

“Go ahead. Don’t mind us.” One of your friends say.

“You guys can sit with the cast if you want.” He says, pointing at the table the cast is sitting at.

They nodded and left the table, making their way to where the cast was sitting.

“Does the birthday girl have a name?” Sebastian asks, taking a seat next to you.

“Y/N.” You tell him.

“That’s a beautiful name for a girl like you.” He says with a smile.

You were full on blushing now.

“You’re cute when you blush.” Sebastian smiles, making you blush even more. “I have a feeling we’re going to be great friends.” He says, taking a sip of his drink.

“Friends? We’re going to be friends?” You asked, shocked and surprised that your celebrity crush wants to be your friend.

“Of course we are.” He gives you a flirty smile. “I already know you like me and I like you.” He says.

You didn’t know what to say. Your celebrity crush wants to be your friend. What are the odds?

“Wanna hangout with me and the cast?” Sebastian asks.

“Yes!” You said a little too fast.

Sebastian stood up and held his hand out for you. You almost immediately put your hand in his. He led you to the table where the cast is sitting and your friends are over there too. One of your friends was flirting with Chris Evans and he’s flirting back.

“Guys, this is Y/N.” Sebastian introduces you to them.

Everyone said hi to you as you sat down in the seat next to Sebastian.

“So Y/N…” Robert leans forward, putting his arms on the table.

“Besides the Winter Soldier here, who’s your second favorite?” He asks.

“Captain America.” You answered.

“Am I one of your favorites?” He asks curiously.

“You’re fourth after the Falcon.” You say with a smile.

“I’ll take it!” He says, leaning back in his chair and took a sip of his drink.

“Who’s fifth on that list?” Chris Evans asks.

“Black Widow.” You answered.

“I have a feeling we’re going to be best friends after today.” Scarlett says, smiling at you.

When the night was over, your friends were already in the hotel room. Sebastian, being the gentleman he is, walked you to your hotel room.

“If it’s ok with you, I’d like to see you again.” Sebastian says.

“That’s more than ok with me.” You say with a smile.

Sebastian took your phone from your hand and put his number in it. You did the same with his.

“I’ll text you tomorrow. Good morning, dragă.” He says softly.

Butterflies erupted in your stomach when he leaned in to kiss your cheek. You had a big smile on your face as you walked through the door of the hotel room.

“Well?!” Your friends say.

“He gave me his number and kissed my cheek.” You tell them.

That smile never left your face when you went to bed. You were definitely looking forward to is that text from Sebastian. Best birthday ever!

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

-Bucky’s Doll

[accio-victuuri]

my mostly calm(er) reaction and reflection post on the magnolia awards nomination list 🥀

sir i don’t understand. why aren’t good people rewarded? // as the old saying goes, evil doers get gold belts and good people can’t even keep their corpses. { war of faith episode 24 }

the quote above is one of my favorites from the show and i feel the truth to it now more than ever. i have already posted about my initial rage and that hasn’t changed, it’s not okay and will never be. i’m mostly a pacifist but i’m not a doormat. there is a reason why the WOF account or the other nominees like the director and “best actor” have not posted their thanks as soon as the nominations were out because they are guilty. it speaks volumes and they should be ashamed of themselves. if you look at the most recent post for WOF weibo account, they are being torn apart. not to mention blog accounts and the same audience who supported the drama calling them out.

this should not be a surprise to those of us who watched the show and understood it’s meaning. because this is what the show thought us, to not stay quiet when there is injustice. much like how wei ruolai said that he is ashamed to be in this mountain. how he was not afraid to leave his dream and literally walk back to Jiangxi for what he believes is the right thing to do. i don’t think you will fully understand the hurt, this is not just me being a yibo stan but someone who saw myself in Wei Ruolai.

the drama was about how the youth can change the world. the reality, and what just happened is proving otherwise. i’m sharing this quote here cause it perfectly explains the problem:

"If the youth are strong, the country will be strong" but the truth is the youth are strong, but you don't recognize it.

this incident exposed the problem with these acting awards. i daresay, not only that, but with other industries where everything has to be about seniority. which in turn makes the younger generation feel burned out and contribute to wanting to lie flat. because what’s the point if the game is rigged. the CCP have always given importance to the youth. often inserting the message of why you all should have kids now because they are the future. they are important blah blah blah — but this simple award? you can’t even show fairness? Wang Yibo is the poster boy for CCP’s propaganda on how an upstanding Chinese Youth should be. He has been in the most recent years, we all cannot deny that with how prominent he is showing up in nationalistic programs tied to the “youth”. So if someone as popular/well-known/talented as WYB can’t be treated fairly. can’t be rewarded with his efforts, then what more for a normal citizen?

WOF team and Magnolia Awards really opened a can of worms here. It goes deeper than nominations and a fandom. In a way, it’s good how this exposed the corrupt system and contributed to why people are so angry. The tag for him continued to stay on top because a lot of netizen can relate, even if you didn’t watch it, i bet they had something to say. It’s been happening for some time but definitely is magnified because of Yibo’s popularity and it made them look really bad.

I am aware of Yibo’s chances with the history of older nominees when it comes to this Awards show but I am confident that he had a good chance of getting it. What made me livid was Wang Yang taking the nom. You can slice and dice it however you want, but Yibo carried that show. He is the main lead. The story is about Wei Ruolai. If Yibo didn’t get it i will still speak up but with the betrayal, not only to him but also the screenwriter — i can’t stay silent and be the “rational” vic that most of you are familiar with. WAR OF FAITH is still one of my favorite dramas with how it affected me and is largely contributing to why i’m reacting the way i do.

I’m not gonna defend anyone. Only Wang Yibo. Honestly. Fuck them all. I watched the show and supported it for WYB — everyone else don’t matter. I won’t post any hate message on their accounts but they get no love from me either.

So now let me get to the good part. Because no matter how hurt we all are, there is still a lot of good that came out of this. The silver lining(s) if you will.

1. Everyone who said that WYB has some backers can fuck off. This proves that he hasn’t. He has no background. There is no big-name pulling the strings for him. He is where he is because he is WANG YIBO. His name alone is enough. WOF got the green light because Wang Yibo’s name was on it. Now more than ever, it is proven that he is where he is because of who he is and what he can bring to the table.

2. We are reminded once again that producers are not our friends. LOL. if you know, you know. it’s all business. So don’t kiss their ass.

3. The fact that he trended #1 for hours, and still is right now at number 4 is proof of how great he represented the character of Wei Ruolai. People now recognize him as an actor who deserves a nomination and a win. The general public are now on his side. He is the underdog and there is nothing more that we want to see than a beaten down person rise above it and win. In a way, this creates more buzz and anticipation for his next movie that will be out. 🫶🏼

4. This has really set him apart from his peers of idol actors who crossed over to being professionals. He did it so effectively and in a short span of time. What happened is sad, but he won people’s hearts and those who already do stan him are more geared up to support him in the future. 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

I’m happy for WOF’s nomination. If i’m being honest, it was a sure thing. I’m proud WYB was part and led this amazing drama to what it is. He will continue to give us more excellent works because that is his gift to the audience who always support him.

In the next coming days, if WYB or most likely YBO puts something out, that’s what i’m gonna follow. The most i will do is congratulate WOF, but the others? no thank you.

[denial-permanente]

I love your page and that the two of you share so much of your lifestyle on here. I’m not sure if this is a statement or a question. I’ve read your answers about realistic feeling of this strap on you have and the technique of warming it up first. I just can’t wrap my head around your preference for it compared to the real thing. There has to be some give and take here like, it doesn’t feel as good but Tom’s technique with it is better than the real thing? Something along those lines. Stamina maybe? Either way thank you both for sharing so freely and so often!

😅 Oh boy, this is a hard one for some people... both women and men... to understand.

A lot of, women say that they don't like the feel of dildos, that they are unnatural, or they feel off, or they're too cold, or they just don't like the idea. I was kind of like that myself, and honestly I never even thought about using them with my husband. He was... very satisfying in bed and I honestly didn't feel the need to bring anything else in.

So, when my husband discovered the Vixskin company, he researched them carefully and bought a model that had a size and shape that was very close to his own. There was something about the feel of it that felt more normal to me. It wasn't quite him, but it felt okay and it was attached to him... so it was him close to me, his smell, his muscles, his arms holding me. I decided that I could live with it.

But here is the important part. After a while his wearing it began to feel totally normal. Just like having him locked all the time felt totally normal. I loved him being horny and affectionate all the time, I loved having all the control over our love life, and I loved how passionate he was making love to me while wearing the Tex.

When I missed feeling him come inside me I would unlock him... but those times became less and less often. We often went for months at a time without me wanting to unlock him... which meant that his wearing the Tex felt more and more natural to me.

Eventually he figured out the trick of warming it up before we made love, and that made things go from feeling natural to feeling... better. Like, I don't know why he didn't think of it sooner, it's so simple. But because I could feel the heat inside me it made our lovemaking more intense.

And now here the part that you men always ask about: unless your wife is a porn star, do not assume that she really wants a foot long monster inside her.

After 4 years of using only the Tex my husband asked if I wanted to try something bigger. While I honestly did not feel the need to I went along out of curiosity. We ended up with the Ranger X for several reasons. One is that it was supposed to have been made with a different process that made it more lifelike. Another is that when looking at the dimensions it was only a little bit bigger... maybe an inch longer and a half inch thicker. But when we first opened the package that little bit bigger on the website looked huge!

I have written before about what it was like getting used to it. But to the point of the question, I found that it made my husband feel the same to me but different... and in a good way.

Remember... when we make love I am feeling my husband holding me close, whispering in my ear, his weight on top of me, his hot cage pressing into my ass. All of those things are him... how he feels and smells and sounds. And because he is totally focused on me, he moves the way I want him to move to give me pleasure depending on my mood.

I guess what you were looking for was for me to say "I love the Ranger, but I miss my husband because..." except that there really isn't anything because I don't think of it that way. I do not think of him as wearing a strapon... I just think of it as doing what was very natural for us... just with something that feels even better than the Tex.

[scarlethexelove]

Am I Worthless

Pairing: Kate Bishop x Reader

Word Count: 1224

Warnings: Depression, ⚠️ Self Harm, Angst ⚠️, Fluff, Soft Kate.

A/n: I was borderline in tears writing this. I'm learning that when I am depressed I write the comfort I'm searching for by using my feelings. So please enjoy my breakdown and hopefully it can bring you some comfort.

NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO STEAL, COPY, OR REBLOG MY WORK AS THEIR OWN

The phone rings against your ear as your breath comes out jagged. The call is picked up with a bout of silence only the sound of your breathing could be heard. “Hello?” A groggy Kate answers the phone. “Katie.” You whimper. You can hear her shifting quickly at the sound of your voice. “Y/n what’s wrong baby?” Her voice is laced with concern.

Your mind spirals out of control, spewing harsh words into your ears. Unspoken words by loved ones that aren’t actually true but your mind tells you that it is. You’re a burden too messed up for someone to love. You’ve somehow done something wrong when you haven’t done anything at all and maybe that is the problem. You’re the problem and no one should have to deal with how messed up you are. 

A sob rips from your throat, your mind's unspoken truth breaking you down. Kate’s heart breaks concern flooding her every thought. “Baby please.” She pleads with you. “What’s wrong?” You shake your head unable to find words, regret filling you for waking her in the middle of the night with how worthless you are. “I’m coming over.” You hear more shuffling as Kate gets out of bed and puts on a shirt. “I-I’m sorry, I-I shouldn’t have called. I’m sorry.” Your hand trembles slightly as you start to pull the phone away. “No baby please stay on the phone with me. I’m heading over right now.” Kate exits her apartment, running down the stairs and getting in her car. 

“I’m sorry.” You mumble out before ending the call. “No, no, no, no, no.” Kate mutters as the line goes dead. She tosses her phone in the seat and races to your place. She knows that you struggle with depression and anxiety but she has never heard you like this and she is truly scared. What is normally a 15 minute drive turns into 5 as she barely shuts the car off before running up the stairs to your apartment. She is thankful that she has a key as she lets herself in. 

There you are sitting on the couch, the glow of the tv barely illuminating your face. It’s just enough Kate can see your tear stained face and the fresh tears falling. You're sitting in a ball, a blanket draped over your head, your right hand in a tight fist. “Oh Y/n/n.” Kate rushes over to you but you don’t meet her gaze, ashamed of yourself. She cups your face in her hands but your eyes don’t meet hers. She looks you over until her gaze stops on your clenched fist. A trickle of blood peeking from under your fingers as it trails down towards your wrist. 

Kate gently takes your hand in hers and you reluctantly open your fist. She gasps slightly seeing the razor blade nestled in your hand and digging lines into the palm of your hand. “I-I’m sorry. I wanted to use it so bad. I tried to stop myself. I tried b-but I couldn’t.” You sob finally meeting her gaze, but it’s not what you expected. Her face is soft and comforting. She leans in, placing a soft kiss on your forehead.

“You did amazing Y/n/n.” Kate gently takes the bloodied razor from your hand, placing it on the coffee table making a mental note to get rid of it later after she has helped you. You shake your head at her words. “Yes you did princess.” You look at her as more tears fall. “How?” Your voice is small but Kate just gives you a soft smile. “You could have done so much more but you held onto it. You didn’t let the urge fully take over.” You look down at your bloodied hand, a few straight cuts line the middle of your palm from when the blade shifted. 

It could have been worse. You let those words play in your head. Kate is right, you could have easily sliced up your arms or thighs but instead you held the blade stopping yourself from doing more. You look back to Kate. She’s here and she hasn’t run away. A reassuring smile on her face to show you that she is here and she isn’t going anywhere. She came when she didn’t have to come. Maybe she does really love you.

“Let’s get you cleaned up baby.” Kate breaks you out of your thoughts. You just give her a small nod. She leads you to your bathroom where she sits you on the counter before she goes into your bathroom cabinet and brings out a first aid kit. She gently cleans your hand and checks on you throughout. Once she cleans all the blood away she applies some antibiotic ointment, placing a sterile gauze patch on the area before wrapping it up. When she is done she lifts your hand gently kissing the bandage before she leans in and kisses you softly. 

You don’t think you deserve all of this softness and empathy but Kate makes you feel safe and loved. She feels like home. A few more tears slip from your eyes. “Thank you.” You say softly not even sure she could hear you but she does. Kate lifts you off the counter, having you wrap your legs around her waist. You bury your head in her neck and breathe in her familiar scent. “I love you so much.” Kate kisses the side of your head as she carries you into your bedroom and places you down on the bed. She goes to the other side climbing into the bed with you. You immediately snuggle into her side as she wraps her arms around you. 

The room is silent for a while. The only sounds you hear are your soft breathing and the beating of Kate’s heart. “Why?” You mumble looking up at Kate. She tilts her head slightly. “Why what princess?” A genuine look takes over Kate’s features. “W-why didn’t you just leave? You deserve so much better than me.” Your voice shakes with your words scared of her response. Kate’s heart breaks more for you. “I love you so much princess and would do anything to make you happy. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Be here for you through your best days and your worst. You are my everything and I want to give you the world if you let me.” 

Your tears turn from sad to happy as you lean up and kiss Kate. She smiles against your lips before you pull away. “I love you too. I don’t deserve you.” You lay your head back on her chest. “You deserve the world princess and I will give it to you.” You can’t help the light pink dusting that covers your cheeks and a soft smile. “I want you to have everything too.” She leans down and kisses you again. 

You didn’t expect the night to end like this but you're so glad now that you called your girlfriend. You may not be ok right now but with Kate’s help you will heal and when you fall down again she will be there to pick you back up. If she falls you will be right there with her to give her everything that she has given you.

[lily-fics-11]

The Girl Next Door: Chapter 7 (Hazel Callahan, Bottoms)

Fic master post here

Tag list: @avocifera, @academiareid, @fictionalgap @dynsdiary @sndixz @athenalive @lamoobsessions @eloud12

(feel free to comment to be added to taglist)

Sorry this took so long, I just graduated college, was briefly dating a new girl that I hung out with like 5 times in one week, and this chapter is longer than usual. Def not my best work either, but I hope you guys still like it!

------------------------------------------------------------------

The Girl Next Door

You hadn't been close with your neighbor Hazel for years. But you find her beat up in the locker room after fight club and all of that changes

Chapter 7

You have some intimate moments with Hazel when you do her makeup, and even go on your first date. 

Word count: 5.3k

CW: Profanities, a little suggestive kind of? Changing clothes in front of each other and sitting on her lap to do her makeup, mentions of counting calories (nothing compared to negative body talk in the movie), not beta read 

A few days after your movie night you start teasing Hazel on the car ride home. “You still haven’t given me one of your sweatshirts like you said you would.”

“Shit, you’re right. You can come over whenever and pick one out.”

“I can pick it out?” You question with curiosity. 

“I’d give you everything you’ve ever wanted if I could.” She murmurs. 

You tuck your hair behind your ear and clear your throat. “Well I will keep that in mind, but for now I think I’m okay with getting to steal one of your sweatshirts.”

You pause for a moment and it’s silent.

“Wait, remember you said we would dress eachother up in our clothes? We should do that, tomorrow.”

Hazel peers over, looking you up and down. “Alright, I’ll come over to your house before school tomorrow so we can get each other ready.”

“Come over at 6:30.”

“6:30?” She groans, “You seriously take that long to get ready in the morning?”

You jokingly roll your eyes. “I’m going to need extra time if I’m going to do my makeup and yours.”

“You can’t wear makeup if you are trying to fully embody Hazel Callahan.”

You gasp dramatically, purely to be dramatic. “How could you do that to me Haze? I don’t want to look like a zombie!”

Hazel punches your arm softly. “Are you saying that I look like a zombie, because I don’t wear makeup?”

“God no, the way you look, it’s literally perfect. I, on the other hand, need it to look like a normal human being.” You bite your lip when you realize what you said. 

“Would you please shut up? If I’m perfect, that makes you extraordinarily flawless. There’s not a single girl at our school that could even try to compare to you. I can’t even think of any girl on this planet that is more beautiful than you are. I just wish that you could see yourself the way that I see you.” She takes a shaky breath, looking straight ahead. 

“I, uh, thank you.” It’s like all the thoughts in your head have been picked up and thrown around by a tornado. 

Hazel clears her throat. “I’ll still come over at 6:30, that way we can spend some extra time together.”

“You are going to wake up that early just to hang out with me?”

“I’ve already lost so much sleep thinking about… well I haven’t been sleeping well anyways. Might as well make the most of that extra time.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning Hazel arrives at your house with your go to coffee order and favorite doughnut from Dunkin’.

“Hazel, you didn’t have to do that.” You could almost cry because she remembered this little detail and went out of her way to do something special for you. 

“I wanted to,” she assures you. 

“You treat me so well,” you murmur, gazing longingly at the girl you are in love with. 

Hazel puts her hands on your shoulders and her blue eyes bear into your soul. “You deserve the best, never settle for anything less than princess treatment.”

Your lip quivers when you whisper, “I hope I don’t have to.”

Hazel pulls away and crosses her arms without breaking eye contact. “I would never treat you… I mean I would never let anyone treat you badly ever again. As long as I’m around no one is going to hurt you.”

Having maintained a cautious mindset for so long, your brain refuses to process what she has said. Responding is completely off the table. “Well I guess we better get started, yeah? Put on whatever music you want. My phone is already connected to the speaker. My passcode is 3900.”

Hazel picks up your phone and scrolls through your music. “You got a text from Isabel, in a group chat with her and Brittany, do you want me to check it for you?”

You are about to say yes, but remember that you were telling them about how excited you were to get to wear Hazel’s clothes today. How it almost makes you feel like you are her girlfriend.

“No!” You shout at her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to..” she stutters, her voice sounding weak and wounded. 

“No no no, that’s not it at all.” You explain more tenderly. “It’s just that- Isabel has been talking about something personal. Just want to respect her privacy.”

Hazel lets out a long breath that she must have been holding in. “Of course.”

She selects a playlist and locks your phone, placing it face down on the. 

“Which one do you want to wear?” You ask her, gesturing to the 3 different ensembles laid out on your bed. Hazel looks over the options and goes for the outfit you assumed that she would. It was the least girly of the 3, and the closest to something she would normally wear. A simple white tank top and some casual khaki shorts. Though the shorts are much shorter than anything she owns, and the tank top is rather tight, the outfit is overall within her comfort zone. You knew she would wear whatever you chose for her without complaint, but you wanted to make sure she was comfortable, while still making it clear that she isn’t in her normal clothes. That she is wearing your clothes, that she is yours. 

Hazel pulls a few articles of clothing out of her backpack. “I didn’t think to bring you options, I hope that’s ok.”

You giggle, “I trust you Haze.”

You turn away and start to pull off your pajama shorts, fully aware of what you are doing. 

Hazel coughs in a way that sounds like she is choking. “Do you want me to leave while you change?”

“Doesn’t matter to me. We used to change in front of each other all the time. If you want to leave though you can.”

“You’re right, I’ll just change here.” Her voice trembles.

You continue to change, but you hear nothing, which means that Hazel has not moved to start changing. Most likely because she was watching you change, just as you had intended. You allow your long t-shirt to cover up just enough while changing the clothes on your bottom half.

When you pull off your top, exposing your bare back, you hear Hazel start to shuffle around and pick up the clothes off your bed. However, you can feel her eyes on you and the thick tension in the air.

When you finish changing and turn around Hazel is already in her clothes and her eyes are glued to you. 

“Haze, you look great!” You smirk at her. She looks down at the clothes she is wearing and laughs. “Yeah I do look good. But not as good as you do.”

You glance at your reflection in the mirror and sigh. A white short sleeve button down under a tan argyle cardigan, paired with some loose fitting jeans. You two wear the same size clothes, but everything Hazel wears is oversized. Your clothes are mostly tight, and you know she is only wearing them because they are yours. “I do not look good, I look like somebody’s grandpa.”

Hazel pretends to be insulted. “Do I look like a grandpa to you?”

“You look good in this stuff, it just works. But me, not so much.”

“You would look good in a paper bag,” she casually throws out and then you watch her wince at what she just said. 

“You need to get your eyes checked.” You giggle, “sit down so I can do your makeup.” You gesture to your desk chair, and Hazel makes herself comfortable while you pick items out of the drawers and off the shelves. 

You stand slightly bent over, hovering above her when you promise her “I am not going to go crazy.” 

The first step is sculpting out Hazel’s dark eyebrows. They are already nice on their own so it wasn’t too difficult.

“For your face I’m going to use blush and highlight, is that ok?” You hum switching out the products in your hands. 

Hazel’s head turns to the side and concentrates for a moment. “I have no idea what that means.”

You smile as you cup her chin in your hand and she stares back in wonder. “The pink stuff and the shiny stuff. I’ll make it look as natural as possible.”

“I trust your judgment,” she mumbles, lost in your eyes. 

The brush delicately adds a sweep of color to her already perfect face. She looks unbearably adorable after dabbing a hint of pink on her nose. When switching out the blush in your hand for highlight you notice a twinge of pain in your lower back from hunching over. You stand straight up and place a hand where you feel the pain as you flex and stretch.

Hazel’s delectable lips curve into a frown. “Are you ok?”

“Bending over, it's just a little uncomfortable. I would move the chair and sit on my bed but i don't want to accidentally get something on my blanket.”

“Sitting down would be better?” Hazel inquires, looking around the room for a solution. 

“Yeah but it's probably easier to just stay over here.”

“You could just sit on my lap, right? Would that help?” She bites her lip, eyes wide and expectant. 

Help. Most definitely. In more ways than she knows.

You nod casually, trying to hide your excitement and play it cool. “That would actually help a lot, are you sure you don't mind?”

The way she looks you up and down hungrily makes you want to check your pulse because it can’t be at a safe level. “Mind? Of course not. It's ideal actually. I prefer to keep you as close as I can.” You nearly pass out when she says that. Scratch that, you nearly drop dead and ascend into another plane of existence. This isn’t a side of Hazel you are used to but damn, you are loving it.

You sit down on Hazel's lap facing her with one leg on each side of her and the chair. You shift a little to balance yourself properly  and she puts her hands on your waist to help steady you. “Don’t worry, I’ve got ya,” she chuckles. 

You bite your lip as your head spins and Hazel just smiles patiently until you tell her “I’m going to to do eyeliner now.” She nods her head along to the music.

You catch her chin in your hand to stop her from moving her head. Hazel’s eyes go soft and flicker between your eyes and lips. Or are you just imagining it?

“Close your eyes,” you tell her and she does. You needed her to do so in order to apply the eyeliner, but not having her beautiful blue eyes looking at you temporarily minimizes the urge to kiss her. 

“I’m just going to do a tiny little wing. I don’t want to bother with your waterline, it’ll be uncomfortable since you’re not used to it. Your eyes don’t really need any help standing out anyways.” Before switching from one eye to the other you stop to admire her divine features. As if she knows that you are watching her, and is trying to make you squirm, she licks her alluring lips. You feel like she’s inviting you into them but that’s not a signal you can risk misreading. You are so shocked that you drop the eyeliner on the floor. Hazel’s eyes open when she hears it hit the ground. You go to reach for it, but Hazel stops you. “I got it.”

She wraps one arm around you while her other reaches to the ground. She passes you the eyeliner and you mumble a thank you. Hazel then wraps her other arm around you and holds you tight around your waist. She closes her eyes again and you draw on the other wing. 

In preparation for her opening her eyes again, you take a deep breath before instructing her to do so. Hazel’s eyes flutter and they are looking right in yours, as if she knew where they were, through the power of your connection. You tell her to look up, so you can apply mascara, but she doesn’t do it right away. Her gaze lingers on your face, like she is studying your features before she has to look away. 

“I know that staying still isn’t usually your thing but I’m going to need you to for about a minute, is that ok?”

She looks over your face one last time before saying, “anything for you.” Then she looks up. 

“I’m going to be super careful. I promise I won’t poke your eye out.”

She runs her hand up and down your back before holding you tighter. “I know, I trust you more than anyone else.”

You carefully apply the mascara, leaving Hazel's dreamy eyes unscathed and well defined. 

“Do you have a lipstick color preference?” You ask, looking over at the vast collection. 

She looks over at the array of colors and she points at one. “That one that you had on that day, with the coffee cup.” Did she remember the color from looking at your lips or her own?

You are extremely familiar with the shape of Hazel’s lips, you spend enough time looking at them, though you wish to become acquainted with them in other ways. You effortlessly trace their shape with lip liner and then swipe the lipstick over top. The addition of color only draws attention to her lips and you hope that they don’t catch anyone else’s eyes. 

Wishing you could ignore it, every queer girl in school notices Hazel in the tight, low cut, tank top. PJ eyes Hazel like a predator stares down its prey. Fortunately, you get the chance to pick first at that afternoon’s meeting. 

“I think I’m finally ready for a rematch, princess,” you coo at PJ. And that was true, this wasn’t an impulsive decision driven by jealousy, though you aren’t above that. It’s been a long time coming. 

However, your rage has you quickly taking the offense. PJ dodges your first punch but your second one hits her square in the jaw and sends her stumbling backwards. Her eyes squint and her lip curls as she regains her balance. You just smile at her and it makes her even more angry. 

PJ charges at you and is met with much more force than she was expecting. Your hands are on each other's shoulders, trying to push down your opponent. You head butt her instead of continuing the power struggle. It hurts, but it’s obvious that it hurt PJ more when she looks dizzy, holding her hand to her head and says “fuck!”

You don’t show her any mercy, she’s pushed to the hard gym floor before she knows what hit her. PJ sits up on her hands like she is about to continue, but she just shakes her head in defeat. You have to bite back a smile as you pull her to her feet and she sneers at you. 

PJ spends the rest of the meeting glaring in your direction and in all honesty, it makes you feel great. 

At the end of the meeting Josie announced that tomorrow is going to be a bonding day. 

“You looked so pissed at PJ today,” Hazel laughs on the car ride home. 

You tuck your hair behind your ear. “I might have been.”

“Did she do something?” She sounds protective and ready to fight. 

Yes. “No. It’s just that she… she’s just PJ.”

“I can’t argue with that,” Hazel laughs, sounding relieved. 

“How do you feel about having a bonding day tomorrow?” You wonder out loud, the question for the both of you. 

“It was actually my idea,” she announces confidently. 

“Josie made it sound like it was her idea. Her and PJ are starting to get popular, well less unpopular, and it’s really starting to go to their heads. Like I get it, they are the ugly, untalented, gays, and never got any positive attention before now, but they need to get their egos in check.”

“I hadn’t really noticed it until you pointed it out,” Hazel mumbles. 

“They also don’t appreciate you enough,” you spat, disgusted by the thought of someone mistreating Hazel. 

“Maybe,” she whispers. 

“You deserve better, Hazel, the best.” The reminder is stern. “You should stay away from people like them. Stay close to the ones who treat you like the special person you are.”

“Well you do,” her puppy dog eyes are looking at you like you make the world turn. 

“Of course!” You put your hand on her thigh. “No one is more important to me than you are.”

“You really know how to make a girl feel like she’s the only one in the world,” Hazel laughs shyly. 

“That’s because you are.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

The members of the fight club sit in a circle. You are sitting next to Hazel, and when she isn’t looking Brittany gestures for you to get closer to her.

You slide closer to Hazel and when she notices she moves her knee so that it's touching yours. She smiles at you and you return it, but you know you must be blushing hard. 

The discussion starts off a bit awkward, but it’s not too long before everyone gets comfortable and begins sharing. After Brittany vents, Hazel starts to share. She talks about what she has been going through with her mom and you are surprised, why hasn’t she talked about this with you? As sad as you are to hear about it, she is so cute when she talks about how happy she is to have made a bunch of new friends. Then PJ, being the dick she always is, cuts Hazel off. You keep your anger contained but you will not be forgetting about this. You put your hand on Hazel's leg to show her that you are listening and that you care about what she has to say. 

The meeting gets cut pretty short after an interesting story from Josie about juvie, that for some reason sounded vaguely familiar. You, along with several other girls, didn’t even get to share. 

When you go over to your backpack you pull out your water bottle to take a drink. You notice that PJ’s bag is right next to yours. So you ‘accidentally’ dropped the bottle, spilling out the full contents on PJ’s bag. You quickly grab your own bag and go to find Hazel. By the time you are standing next to her you hear PJ yell “What the hell! My fucking bag is all fucking wet!”

Everybody turns to look and Hazel notices the shit eating grin on your face. “Did you…” she questions and you just laugh. She starts to laugh too, but covers her mouth with her hand so that it isn’t obvious. You can still see it in her eyes though and it’s adorable. 

“We should probably get out of here, right?” You ask her and she just grabs your arm to pull you away, the two of you stifling laughter. 

As you walk towards your car in the parking lot you hear Isabel yell “Hazel! I have something for you!”

She tries to run after you and Hazel, but she ends up shuffling with little steps because of her high heels.

Isabel hands something small to Hazel and it’s a… Chili’s gift card?

“You mentioned craving chips and salsa the other day and I figured I would get-give this to you. Someone, um, gave it to me, but ya know, I’m watching my calories,” Isabel explains.

There is no way that anyone who has ever met Isabel would give her a gift card to a restaurant that didn’t have at least 1 Michelin star. And watching her calories? Yeah her mother was constantly pestering her about it, but she literally just had ice cream the other day. 

Hazel is so endearingly gullible that she buys it all.“Thanks Isabel, that’s so nice of you.”

Isabel can hardly contain herself. “You two should go together, wouldn’t that be like, so fun?”

“That’s a great idea. I think it would be a very fun d-“ Hazel pauses for a moment, “a lot of fun.”

After thanking Isabel again, you and Hazel get into the car. She starts fidgeting with her rings. “Would you maybe want to go out to eat tonight? I know it’s Friday so you might have plans or something but if you’re free…”

Isabel had said she had something fun planned for tonight, but you know now that she must have been referring to this.

“I would love to.”

“How does 7 sound? I can drive.”

You nod with a shy smile, though bubbling with excitement. 

You don’t want to assume anything, but this might actually be a date, so you are treating it like one. Preparing the way you would for any other date, you get started early to make sure everything looks perfect. You lay out a go to date outfit, one that you know you look hot in, and you do your hair and makeup the same way you always do, it looks good but also like you didn’t put too much effort into it. 

You are buzzing with excitement when you walk outside to meet Hazel. She’s already sitting in her car. Her expression makes it look like she feels absolutely defeated, but it melts away into a dreamy daze as soon as she lays eyes on you. 

Hazel puts on a playlist that she says she made just for the two of you, and it makes your heart flutter. 

As Hazel drives you notice her glancing over at you every chance she gets. It makes you wonder if something is wrong with your hair and makeup.

“What?” You ask her nervously.

Hazel raises one eyebrow and tilts her head to one side. “What do you mean?”

“Why do you keep looking at me like that? Did I forget to brush part of my hair or something?” You anxiously bite your lip.

“No!” she yells and it makes you jump a little.

“Not at all!” She says in a softer tone, trying to recover. “You just… you just look, like, amazing.”

You play with your hair to distract from the warm blush you feel creeping across your face. “Awe, thanks Haze. I just wanted to look nice I guess.”

“It’s just Chilli’s.” God, this girl is so oblivious. 

“I know, it’s just that…” you huff and decide maybe you shouldn’t say anything. “Never mind.”

“Cmon, just tell me,” Hazel groans dramatically to make you laugh. Then she pokes your arm. “You can tell me anything.”

“I just wasn’t sure if this was like, I don’t know, this is going to sound absolutely ridiculous, a date?” You cover your face with your hands because you are so embarrassed. 

“Hey, hey, it’s ok.” Hazel’s comforting voice reassures you.”I was scared to call it a date, but I really really want it to be a date.” You uncover your face as your jaw drops all the way to the floor. The anticipation is killing you until she finally says “so if you want this to be… it’s definitely a date.”

“For real?” You are practically bouncing up and down in your seat. 

“Yeah of course babe,” she smiles looking over at you, putting her hand on your leg. It makes you so happy that you aren’t even concerned about how that might make her bad driving even worse. 

You put your hand on top of hers for a reality check, to know that this is actually happening, and not a dream. “I can’t believe this is really a date.”

“Me either. Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this?” Hazel really should be looking at the road more but you are enjoying her attention too much. 

“Probably not as long as I have.”

Her face is lit up by her smiling and laughing, she is shining like the sun. “I doubt it. Let’s just say it’s been a really long time. But no need to compete here, right? I know I’m winning either way.”

You nod in agreement. “Very true.”

The rest of the car ride isn't awkward per say, but you're both very nervous, in a cute way. Instead of trying to force a conversation while processing everything,  you take the time to appreciate the playlist that Hazel made, and sing along to the familiar songs. The songs that you don’t know are poetically sweet. 

This is actually happening. You absolutely wanted this to be a date, and you prepared by looking good. But emotionally? You never bothered to hype yourself up for this, like a FOOL. You start nervously picking at your cuticles. 

When the car comes to a stop you finally have the nerve to look back over at Hazel. She’s already looking over at you, her face is excited more than anything else, but she still has a death grip on the steering wheel. 

“Are- are you ready to go inside?” You ask, trying to keep your voice steady, looking at Hazel's white knuckles. She finally realizes what she’s doing and quickly places her hands in her lap and nods enthusiastically. “I’ve been ready for this for a long time.”

Hazel walks a few steps ahead so she can hold the door open for you, and when the hostess brings you to your table she pulls out your chair. 

You start looking down at the menu to see what you want. When looking up at Hazel to ask if she has any ideas, she hasn’t even picked up her menu yet, she’s just watching you, starry eyed.

You giggle and point to the menu “aren’t you going to look at that?”

“I’d rather look at you,” she mumbles and leans her head on her hand. 

You put down your own menu. “Oh come on Hazel, really?”

“I’m totally serious. I’m finally on a date with the most amazing, beautiful, girl in the world. How am I supposed to focus on anything else?”

You study her face, making sure that you can picture her like this from now on and forever. “You really are just the cutest human to ever exist.”

Hazel sits back up and drops both her hands to the table. “Me?”

“Yes you! Just look at you! You are so sweet and funny and compassionate and empathetic, just anything you could ever want in a...” The waitress cuts you off. “Can I get you guys anything to drink?” She asks and sets down a bowl of chips and salsa. 

It’s very difficult to even think about what you want to drink.  You almost called Hazel your girlfriend. No matter how bad you want her to be, you are happy that you didn’t. It’s too scary to say out loud, even though you’ve been married for years in your head. Verbalizing it would make it real, and real things hurt much worse if they don’t work out. 

Hazel is looking at you, clearly hanging on to every word you say, wondering how that sentence was supposed to end. 

“I’ll have a, uh, lemonade,” you tell the waitress without looking away from Hazel, your eyes wide and your lips slightly parted, dying to utter one last word that would change your life forever. 

“And for you?” It doesn’t even seem like Hazel heard that.

You smile awkwardly at the waitress and tell her “sprite.” She nods at you confused, “I’ll have that right out for you.”

When she is walking away Hazel finally notices that the waitress was there at all, and she looks a little embarrassed. 

She starts adjusting the collar of her shirt, even though it looks fine, so you ask, “do you uh, want an appetizer?”

You can tell she is still longing to continue your previous conversation, but you just aren’t ready for that right now. She doesn’t even bother to look at the menu. “I’m good with chips and salsa. But if you want something I’ll share it.”

“I don’t think I’m that hungry right now.” That’s because nerves are fluttering in your stomach. 

“Me neither,” Hazel smiles shyly. 

You shift around the way you are sitting to try and expel some of the nerves. Hazel mirrors you, moving around as well, settling with one knee tucked under her. You start to eat some chips and salsa, trying to collect your thoughts, before looking back at the menu. 

“I can’t decide between the honey chipotle  chicken tenders and the chicken bacon ranch quesadilla,” you sigh. 

“Why don’t you just get both?”

“I’m not hungry enough for an appetizer Haze,” you giggle, “I’m definitely not hungry enough to eat two dinners.”

“I don’t know what I want so we can just get what you want and share it.”

“Hazeeeeee,” you drag out, sounding almost a bit whiny. “Don’t be silly, just order what you want, I can flip a coin or something.”

Hazel slides her menu over towards you and looks away from it. “I just want you to have what you want. Besides, we always like the same things anyways.”

You place your menu on top of hers. “Fine, but you have to pick next time so that we are even.”

“Works for me,” she hums in approval. The two of you are just staring at each other, wondering where to take the conversation from here. 

Next thing you know the waitress is putting down your drinks and taking your dinner order. 

Hazel finally looks like she’s gotten herself together after your earlier conversation. 

“I can’t believe you dumped water on PJ’s bag,” she laughs after the waitress takes the order and walks away. 

“That bitch had it coming. I hate the way her and Josie brush you off, like they are better than you. They take you for granted, who do they think they are?”

Hazel bites her lip and looks down glumly. “I guess I’m just used to being treated that way.”

You cross your arms over your chest and sneer, “Well anyone that treats you like that has to answer to me now.”

Hazel laughs, even though you are very serious. “Are you going to beat up everyone that doesn’t treat me right?”

“Yes, actually.”

“If that’s the case I will punch your ex in the face if I ever get the chance.”

“That’s a deal.”

You wouldn’t call it gossiping, it’s more like discussing, when you start talking about the unfortunate relationship circumstances of other girls in the club. Like how does Isabelle put up with Jeff? Is Brittany single because she is too attached to Isabelle?

The rest of dinner goes well, and you listen to the playlist Hazel made on the car ride home.

She walks you to your front door and gives you a hug. With her arms still wrapped around your waist she pulls the upper part of her body away from you to take a good look at your face. Hey eyes wander over you dreamily until they stop on your lips. As she leans in you close your eyes, only for her to press her soft lips to your cheek. 

[pattypanini]

Jake Kiszka x Reader

Moonlit Waters

Summary: A short run after a long day turns out to be more than you'd bargained for.

Word Count: 5k

Taglist for Oneshots

A/N: Hi everyone! Here is @mar-rein12 and I's first Jake oneshot. Marley has been fiending for Jake, much like most sane people, so we wanted to write a little Jake oneshot. Enjoy our first Jake oneshot, Moonlit Waters.

Warnings: 18+, SMUT, penetrative sex, fingering, praise, dirty talk, slight submissive/dom, flirting, choking, slapping, public sex, skinny dipping

Y/N's POV

Today was such a long day. The kids at school were extra wound up. You thought that after a lengthy math lesson your students would be able to calm down for snack time. You were very much wrong. Just when you sat down at your desk to indulge in your pretzels, you heard a blood-curdling scream from the back of the classroom. 

You perked up from your chair to see what was the matter. Turns out one of the kids convinced another kid that a taki was a strawberry flavored candy. He ended up crying and working himself up so much that he threw up. Just after you had finally calmed down from that situation, you brought out a spring craft to entertain the kids. That didn’t last too long after one of your students got glue stuck in another girl’s hair. You spent half an hour trying to wash the glue out from her hair in the classroom bathroom. On top of all of that, you were drowning in lesson plans and working to finish grading last week's spelling test. You were spent. 

When you finally walk through your front door, you immediately collapse on the couch and take a few minutes to reflect on your day. You thought about your plans for the rest of the evening and realized you had nothing on your plate. You decide that going on a run would be really good for you right now. You pick yourself up from the couch and make your way upstairs to your bedroom. You skim through your athletic sets and decide on a white sports bra and biker shorts matching set. After sliding on your white socks and hot pink Hokas you toss your hair up into a slicked back ponytail and head downstairs. 

You walk out onto your porch and start a running workout on your apple watch. You opt to not bring any water, considering you were just going on a short little run. As you take your normal route you pass by the playground where you sometimes see your students, but after today you decided to just keep running and not make any confrontation. Your adrenaline takes over and you don’t even remember making it to a mile. You take a cut to the left and find a tree to take a breather under. You had been working on your speed so you weren’t worried about having to take a break. 

I wish I had some water.

Why wouldn’t you just bring your hydration pack? Your breathing was heavy. You turn towards the tree, putting your hands up to brace yourself and try to control yourself. As if your heart rate could not get higher you feel a tap on your shoulder. 

You turn around expecting it to be one of your students, but you’re met with the face of a very handsome man. He has big brown eyes and his chestnut locks were tied up in a bun. But the thing that was most apparent to you was his shirtless body. He was toned and muscular in all the right places, and the sheen of sweat over him made you go crazy. 

“Are you okay?” The gorgeous man asks you, his tone laced with concern. 

You just stare back at him with wide eyes for a moment, before you open your mouth to speak. “Yeah… I’m okay. I think I just need some water.” He pulls a water bottle from a fanny pack that was tightly wrapped around his waist. You couldn’t help but stare at his v-line that traveled beneath his black lululemon running shorts. God, why did they have to fit him so perfectly.

He offers the water bottle out to you, you give him a skeptical look. 

“I promise there's nothing wrong with it, I haven't even opened it yet.” You accept the water bottle before taking a few large sips. 

“I needed that, thank you…” You trail off realizing you had never gotten his name.

“Jake.” He reaches a hand out to give you a shake.

“Y/n.” You smile, taking his hand in yours giving him a firm shake. “Well I should get back to my run, thank you for the water Jake.” You offer him a bright smile, turning away to start running again. 

“Wait-” He says before you could get far. “If you don’t mind, could I join you for your run? I promise I’ll keep up with you. I’ve seen you run around the neighborhood before, you're pretty fast.”

You were flattered. “Yeah of course. Do you wanna take my route?”

“Lead the way.” You begin your run with Jake and take him back the way you came. You begin talking with him as you make it back down the sidewalks. You learn that he is new to the area and that he only lives a street down from you. He is kind and very musically talented. He talked about how he's in a band with his brothers and best friend and actually showed you a few songs after you begged to hear them. 

As you pass by the playground for the second time today you hear a loud noise coming from the swings. 

“MISS Y/L/N.” A student of yours screams while being pushed on the swings. 

“Hi Lily.” You send her a bright smile and a wave to her mom. 

“Is that your boyfriend Miss y/l/n?” 

Oh god, this is embarrassing.

“Nope, just a new friend. I’ll see you on Monday.” You give her a warm smile, hoping she will hold off on the inappropriate questions.

As you continue your run, you turn into Jake, giving him an apologetic look. “Sorry about that, kids can be crazy. They always love to speak their mind.” A nervous giggle bubbles out of you.

“No worries, it was funny.” He lets out a laugh. A smile spreads across your face as you hear it. 

—

When you finally make it back to your house, you stand in your driveway. You turn to face him, not really knowing where to go from here.

“I like that route a lot. That was really fun. Thank you for letting me join you.” He shoots you a sweet smile and you can’t ignore the warm feeling in your chest.

“Of course! We should definitely run together more often. It’s nice to have someone who can… almost keep up.” You shoot him a dorky wink and begin to laugh. He joins in on the laughter and you feel honored to be a source of happiness for him.

He stops laughing and he looks… nervous? He looks like he’s thinking about something. “Jake, is everything okay?” You ask him out of concern.

“Yeah, yes. Everything is great actually. I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to get dinner with me tonight? I know it’s last minute and you probably have plans but there is this really good smoothie bowl place in downtown Nashville. Only like 20 minutes away.” He’s nervously pushing his hair back and you can’t help but get butterflies.

“Yes, I’d love to get dinner with you. What time?” 

“Oh okay great! How about I pick you up in an hour?” He says.

“Sounds good, can’t wait.” You start walking up the stairs leading to your front door and turn over your shoulder to smile at him.

You see him eyeing your body up and down. You’re happy you picked the set to wear that you did. You quickly run inside and start a shower. After washing up and shaving you hop out to pick an outfit. You don't want to be too fancy or too underdressed so you opt for a casual floral sundress that you often get compliments on. 

You look at the clock, realizing he will be here to pick you up any minute. You do some light makeup, consisting of only blush and mascara. Your cheeks were a little sunkissed from your run earlier, providing you with a natural glow. Usually, you would curl your hair but due to the time constraints you decide to just let your natural waves dry. 

You quickly run over to the window and see him pulling into the driveway. You scramble to put your beige sandals on and spray a quick spritz of perfume. After grabbing your purse you’re out the door and hurry out to his black Jeep, hopping in the passenger side. 

You were feeling a mix of emotions. It felt like a middle school date. You hadn’t been on a date in a really long time, not a real date at least. Since graduating college you had been busy with substituting and trying to get a job, and since getting one, dating was put on the back burner. 

“Hi Jake.” You lean over and give him a hug over the center console. 

“Hi Y/n, you look so beautiful.” You watch as his eyes trail over your body, his gaze lingering around your chest and traveling down to scan over your bare legs. You blush under his stare. He starts to back out of your driveway and you take the opportunity to admire him. He was wearing a black linen set, the shirt halfway unbuttoned showcasing his tanned chest and stomach. His silver chains resting against his skin in the most perfect contrast. 

You can tell he just showered as well, as the tips of his hair are still wet. His cologne wafts through the air in a clean, woodsy scent. 

“You’re too sweet, you look pretty handsome yourself Mr.Guitarist.” He cracks a smile at the nickname. 

“Ahh, so you remembered, Miss.Y/l/n?” 

You feel your cheeks getting hotter as he continues to talk to you, being flustered by the name he just called you. When your students call you it reminds you of school and all your responsibilities. But when Jake calls you it, it's so incredibly sexy. 

“Why you blushing y/n, I barely said anything?” He props one arm on the center console, opting to drive with only one hand which makes your stomach do a flip. 

“I don’t know, I’m a little nervous. I haven't been on a date with an attractive man in a while.” Your comment makes Jake giggle, making you realize what you just said. “I mean- not that I assumed this was a date, you know just since you asked and…”

“Y/n. It’s a date. I’m happy to be able to spend my evening with such a gorgeous woman.” 

After driving the next 20 minutes with light chatter about running and listening to music you finally got to the cafe. You both hop out of the Jeep, Jake walking you up, making sure to hold the door for you on your way in. After looking at the menu you decide to get a classic banana bowl with granola and nutella, Jake opting for the strawberry banana bowl with granola and topped with assorted fruit. 

After a few moments of waiting your names are finally called. 

Jake makes his way over to the counter. “Anyway I could get these in a bag please? Thank you.” He turns back to you to continue your conversation at hand.

“Aren’t we eating here?” You ask, a little confused at his question. 

“I mean that would be a little boring. I have a place that I think we will both like a lot better. It’s where I take a lot of my runs.” Jake grabs the take out bag off the table and makes his way to the door. Once giving you a helping hand into his car you and Jake were on your way to the mystery location. After a short drive you pull off onto a dirt road that leads back to a large park with lots of hiking and running trails. 

“How have I never known about this?” You say as you hop out of the car.

“I don’t know but it’s really amazing. If you don’t mind a small walk I wanna take you to a really pretty spot. No one will bother us there, it looks off onto a lake and always has the prettiest sunsets.” He says opening the trunk to pull out the folded up gingham picnic blanket. 

“I wouldn’t mind the walk at all.” You grab the bag of smoothie bowls and Jake quickly takes the bag from you, replacing it with his own hand. You really liked how confident he was, always so sure of himself. As he leads you up a small path and around a few curves you finally make it to a hidden space behind a line of trees. It was just as he said. A small patch of land connected to a large lake outlooking into the sunset. It was perfect.

“Wow, Jake. This is just so-” 

“Beautiful?” He turns his head to look down at you, giving you the softest smile. 

“Yeah… yeah, I mean this is incredible.” You look out at the lake, the orange, pinks, and purples of the sky reflecting onto the clear water. 

Jake begins laying out the blanket on the grass before he takes a seat, the water only being a few feet away. 

“I brought a little surprise.” He looks at you with a mischievous grin, as you sit down on the blanket. You give him a questioning look, narrowing your eyes at him.

“Reallyyy…” You crawl over to him on the blanket, wanting to be as close as you possibly could to him. He just has such a magnetic pull, unlike anything you’ve ever experienced with another man. 

“It’s nothing special, just a little something…” He was teasing you now. You give him a certain look as if to say ‘get on with the surprise’. He giggles a little and pulls a green bottle of wine from a bag you didn’t even notice he had grabbed when leaving the car. 

A warm smile spreads across your face at his sweet gesture. “Jake, this is perfect. This is my favorite white wine too, but I don’t buy it very often because of the price. How did you know?” Your smile morphs into a smirk as he hands you the bottle allowing you to inspect it. 

“Just a lucky guess, I suppose. I did forget glasses though.” He looks a little… embarrassed?

“Hmm, well, nothing wrong with drinking it straight from the bottle, am I right?” Your words cause a whole-hearted chuckle to erupt from his chest.

“Nothing wrong with that at all, darling.” There it is again, those goddamn butterflies. Slow your roll, y/n. You just met him today. He reaches into his bag again, pulling out a corkscrew and taking the bottle from your hands. “Let me open this for you.” He pops the cork with ease and immediately takes a large sip of it. “Mmm, that’s some good stuff.” He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and hands the bottle over to you, willing you to take a sip. 

You take the bottle, as Jake watches you intently. A newfound confidence surges through you under his gaze, you decide to give him a little bit of a show. You wrap your lips around the rim, making sure to keep eye contact with Jake. You tilt your head back, taking a larger sip than you’d like to admit. You wipe your chest of the wine you spilt. You look back at Jake, he reaches for your chin and wipes your chin clean. 

“So y/n, tell me some more about yourself.” He grabs the bowls and opens them for you, ready to hear whatever you have to say. 

As your night went on and the bottle of wine was polished off, you and Jake knew almost everything about each other. About each other's childhood, jobs, exes, and everything in between. The sun went down and the temperature became chilly.  You never want the night to end. As Jake stares up into the starry sky you admire his profile. His perfect nose, lips, jawline. The way his hair sprawled around his face on the blanket. You were, no doubt, feeling a little fuzzy from the wine. 

“Hey y/n, do you wanna do something fun?” He sits up on his elbow, looking into your eyes. 

“What do you have in mind?” You prop yourself up on your elbows, now. 

“Well usually at this point no one is here. A few people are walking the main track but nothing near here. You wanna skinny dip?” He smirks up to you, tucking your hair behind your ear. 

“Oh,” You can feel the blush rise to your cheeks at his suggestion, “Yes, let's do it.” You are very excited, but also a little nervous. It has been months since any man has seen you naked. You can’t lie though, after seeing Jake in those tiny running shorts you were wondering what else he had to offer. You stand up off the blanket and look around making sure no one is around. As you grab the bottom of your dress you realize Jake is still looking at you. 

“Uh Jake could you-”

“Oh yes sorry.” He flips himself over so he is face down on his stomach. You giggle and pull the dress above your head. After removing your bra and panties, dropping them onto the blanket in a little pile you make your way into the cool water. When Jake heard the water move behind him, he flipped himself back over and rid himself of his clothing in a blink of an eye. He ran into the lake and dove towards the deeper water, splashing you in the process. Normally something like this would turn you off, but you admire how he is mature yet can still have a playful side to himself.

You were unable to get a good look at him just yet, the anticipation absolutely killing you. You swim your way over to him, there was that magnetic pull again. You stop a couple feet in front of him, “So, skinny dipping? What gave you that idea Mr. Guitarist?” 

“I mean would it be bad to say staring at you all night gave me the idea. I mean you are so gorgeous, plus I didn’t want the night to end just yet.” He reaches towards you, grabbing your hands to hold them. The feeling in your core was becoming more prevalent, more than you’d expect. You move his hands to your hips, allowing him access to touch you. With this newly granted privilege Jake pulls you closer to him, so you both are less than a few inches apart.

“You know, you looked breathtaking in that running set today. White is definitely your color.” He speaks lowly into your ear.

“Thank you Jake, your hair looks very good in the bun.”

“Thanks Ms. Y/L/N. I know I haven’t seen you naked yet, but I just know every bit of you is perfect.”

“Yet? What are you insinuating Jake? How sick of you to assume such a thing.” You giggle at your own words, hoping he is enjoying the teasing as much as you are. 

“Oh darling, don’t act like you haven’t been eyeing me up all day. Playing with the skirt of your dress and pulling it up your thigh when we were laying over there. Messing with my hair. You’ve been such a tease all evening. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want it.”

“I don’t have to say shit to you.” You smirk at him, trailing your hand up his back to yank his hair, allowing you to look him dead in the eyes. He lets out a short and quiet groan as his hands massage over your hips, traveling dangerously close to your heat.

“Tell me y/n, do you want it or not.” He leans down kissing your neck softly. 

“I think you already know the answer to that.” You release your grip from his hair, and grab onto his hand. He gives you a questioning look before you move his hand to gently rest on your tit. 

“Maybe I do, but I wanna hear you say it.” He squeezes your tits harder.

“Fine, yes I want you, I want you badly. Now are you going to do something about it or not.”

With no time to wait Jake's mouth connects to yours, immediately slipping his tongue into your mouth, both of you fighting for dominance. You allow your hands to travel down his sides and the tops of his thighs, quickly remembering he was completely bare. Jake breaks away from the heated kiss, grabbing your hips and lifting you out of the water. 

After carrying you back over to the blanket, he gently lays you down. You can’t help but feel laid out for him, completely vulnerable. You bring your arms over your chest, in an attempt to cover yourself up. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” He asks you with furrowed brows. 

“What?”

“Covering yourself, I wanna see you darling.” He grabs your wrist, pulling your arms above your head. He takes a moment to admire your chest, a smirk spreads across his face. “Mmmm. See, I told you every bit of you is perfect and goddamn I was so right.” 

Jake leans forward attaching his lips to your neck, leaving sloppy kisses down towards your chest. “Such perfect skin, I’d almost feel bad marking you up.” 

“Do it please, I wanna remember this night.” You bring your hands up to his head, tangling your fingers through his wet locks. 

Jake returns back down, sucking hard into your skin, leaving many purple marks across your chest. “It might look a little better with all these marks now darling.” Jake kisses each of the marks, soothing them each with his tongue. 

You’re pulled out of the heated moment when you remember anyone still out on the lake would without a doubt be able to see what the two of you were up to. “Um, Jake?” He releases his mouth from your chest as he looks up at you.

“What baby, Is everything okay?” He questions your sudden uneasiness, afraid of overstepping any of your boundaries. 

“The people out on the lake…” You trail off, suddenly hyper aware of the situation you were in. 

“What about them?” He smirks down at you.

“W-what if they see?” You bit down on your lip, anxiety building within you. 

“I hope they fucking do. I want them to see me fucking you senselessly, and hearing your pathetic little moans while you try to take my cock.”

“Hmm. Try?” You give him a challenging look and wrap your hand behind the back of his neck, pulling him down so your lips are by his ear. “Who said I couldn’t take your cock, hm?” 

“Oh, baby we will see about that.” He gives a quick kiss to your plump lips, in the most taunting, condescending way. 

“I’m a good girl, Jake. I take what’s given to me sooo well, but you wouldn’t know that because you’re being so goddamn slow. Just fuck me already.” You spit back at him, willing him to just do something, anything. 

“Keep being a fucking brat and you’ll be wishing you didn’t say that. You’ll get it when I say you can.” His hand snakes up to rest on your throat, his gripping slightly tightening. 

“Harder.” You watch him smirk, and just shake his head in disbelief. 

“Who knew we had a little freak on our hands. Tsk tsk.” He leans his head down to your ear now. “But if that's what the ‘good girl’ wants, it’s what she’ll get.” His grip tightens around your neck causing a whimper to escape from your lips. 

“Jake, fucking touch me. Please, baby, please. Need it so bad.” Sure, you sound desperate, but you most definitely are. 

“Well, since you begged me so pretty…” His hand traces its way down your chest and over your stomach to rest right over your center. He slides his fingers over your slit collecting the wetness pooling at your entrance. 

A loud whine escapes from you. He is barely even touching you yet, but the effects of the wine were causing you increased sensitivity. 

His touch moves up to your clit, rubbing gentle circles. You’re struggling to keep yourself composed, squirming and twisting underneath him. 

“Look at this pretty, little clit so swollen and sensitive for me. Who got you like this baby?”

“You- fuck. You do,” You are practically panting, legs shaking, head spinning. His touch is so addictive, you are sure you never want him to leave from in between your thighs. 

He takes your moment of hysteria to slip in a finger. You grip onto his biceps in attempt to ground yourself. To keep yourself as collected as you possibly can when the most attractive man, you may have ever seen, has his fingers deep in your pussy. 

He adds another finger, while also picking up speed. You feel your orgasm quickly approaching you. 

“You’re so wet, darling. My fingers are sliding in and out of this gorgeous pussy so easy, fuck.” He looks down at his fingers that are now drilling into you. 

“Oh god don’t stop Jake please I’m so fucking close.”

“Yeah? Are you baby? You want me to get you there, make you feel so good and cum all over my fingers.” His lips connect with your hardened nipple, giving a harsh suck. 

His other hand that was once on your neck, trails down landing directly on your clit. With only a couple swirls and a few more pumps, you were unraveling beneath him. Moans and curses flying from your tongue and floating into the night air. Your body tenses up and then relaxes. 

His look of amazement and admiration was enough for you to gather the strength for the main event. 

“You cum so pretty darling. You ready for my cock now?” You quickly nod in response, unable to form any actual words. He lines himself up at your entrance and slowly slides himself inside you. 

“Oh God.” You whimper out, the stretch slightly painful yet so delicious. He stays there a few moments to allow you to adjust to his large size. 

“You gonna take my fat cock as well as you say?” He begins to move his hips, rather slowly at first.

“Mmm, yes baby. Anything for you, fuck.” You grip onto his ass coaxing him to go faster. 

“Aht,” He gives a swift smack to your clit, causing your body to recoil and eyes to roll back into your skull. “I’ll go at my own pace, thank you very much.” He continues on with his slow but deep thrusts. 

“I-I’m sorry, sir.” You watch his eyes darken from the name. You unknowingly hit his weak spot, causing him to speed up his pace. Taking notice of this change, you decide to have a little fun with him. “Sir, eh? That really get you going baby?” 

“You have no idea what you do to me, darling. You’re just so fucking sexy. Say it again.” He’s practically slamming into you now, feeling his tip brush against your cervix. 

“God you’re so deep, harder. Please sir, I’m begging.”

He takes long, deep thrusts inside of you. You were almost at your breaking point yet again. How he manages to do that to you so quickly, you were unsure. Must be magic in those fingers and cock of his. 

“So.” He gives you a particularly deep thrust. “Fucking.” Followed by another. “Tight.” He gives another, and quickly proceeds to piston in and out of your soaked core. 

“Oh my god Jake I’m gonna cum don’t stop.” You were gripping him so tight, he might have bruises tomorrow. 

“Cum baby, cum around my cock.” You feel the wave of pleasure wash over you, feeling that familiar tightness in your core. As Jake reaches his high you continue to take in all of him. 

“Cum in my mouth Jake, I wanna taste you so bad. Please, sir?”

“Oh fuck baby…” Jake pulls out of you, bringing his cock to your face. You grab his length, stroking him to his completion. 

His head falls back as an animalistic groan releases from inside him. “I’m cumming, holy shit.” You feel his liquids hit the back of your throat, the warmth and saltiness washing over your tastebuds. 

He pulls his cock out of your mouth, but you refuse to swallow it down just yet. You tap him on his thigh signaling him to look at your face. You open your mouth, allowing him to see his cum sitting there on your tongue. 

“Fuck…” Jake wipes a little from the corner of your mouth. Figuring you’d savored his flavor long enough, you swallow him down. 

He collapses beside you on the blanket, both of you attempting to catch your breath. 

“I would offer you a drink after that but we’re out of wine.” He giggles pulling you closer to him.\, wrapping an arm around your waist. 

“That’s okay, I don’t mind the taste of you.” Jake chuckles, pressing a kiss onto your forehead. “Jake, can I ask you something?” You move to sit in an upright position. 

“If it’s I have any STDs, one no, and two you should have asked that before.” You laugh at his comment, appreciating his sense of humor. 

“Well, I wanted to know if you’d like to be running buddies? You know just every once and a while, having someone to run with was really fun today.”

“I would be honored darling.” He says, bringing a hand to his chest in awe. “Only if we get to do more than just running.”

“What are you implying Jake?” You raise an eyebrow at him, curiously. 

“I don’t know, maybe another date.” He looks out to the lake, avoiding your eyes at all cost.

“I would love another date, but I’m picking the restaurant next time.” You take his face into your hand, turning it back towards you.

“Anything you want, baby.” He presses a tender kiss onto your swollen lips. 

As you lay on the lakeside, wrapped up in each other's embrace you look out onto the lake taking in this moment on the moonlit waters. The only sound that could be heard was Jake’s finally calmed breathing and the chirping of the crickets in the distance. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @peaceloveunitygvf @jordie-gvf @Gretavanhockey @Mama-likes7 @mar-rein12

[talesfromthesnogbox]

I Want Your Video

Summary: Henry is roped into getting off on camera, the Hysterical Literature AU nobody asked for.

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 8,815

AO3 Link

----------

“Pez…”

“Hazza! Come on, you’d be doing me a huge favour.”

Henry rolled his eyes. He loved his best friend Percy, he really did, but he had a knack for getting Henry to do things he would normally never do. And this… this, was something he’d never thought about doing, ever.

“Pez, I’ve got an actual following now. Don’t you think this is a little…”

“No! This is perfect for you. And with your next book coming soon too, trust me Henry, this will be great, you’ll be great."

See, Henry was a writer, just… not a very successful one. Until recently. His debut novel How to Steal a Heart didn’t do as well as he’d hoped when he upended his life and moved from London to Brooklyn. Broke from trying to market his book, and determined to not accept defeat, he took a job with his publisher, where he’d then become friends with one of the lawyers on staff, one Alex Claremont-Diaz. Unfortunately for Henry, Alex was so so much like Gabriel, the love interest to James in Henry’s novel. It was like he’d shook the book and watched Alex step out as he got to know the other man, and in his opinion, his perfect man.

How to Steal a Heart wasn’t the Pride & Prejudice Henry had hoped to one day write, but it was his first novel, and absolutely his baby. Three years sitting on the shelves with hardly any sales had Henry close to throwing in the towel. Alex encouraged him to keep writing, even if only for himself, but it was hard for him to find motivation to continue. It was only weeks later that Alex would send him the TikTok that would change his life. The book blew up, Henry started getting recognized on the street, the interviews poured in, and suddenly, he was signing for books two and three with his publisher.

And Pez, his best friend, wanted him to do porn.

“I know what’s going through your head, young man. The video isn’t porn, it’s an artistic statement on human sexuality.”

“Pez. You want me to sit on camera and read a book while someone tugs me off, it’s porn.” Henry played with his signet ring, refusing to meet Pez’s eyes.

“No one will be touching you, dear. It’s all remote control based, and very safe and respectful. I would keep my spot on the team but you know I’ve got to go back to London to see my dear Granny. Please Hazza?”

Henry rolled his eyes. “How many people are in the room with me? And do I have to get Shaan to sign off on anything?”

Pez’s excitable gasp put a smile on Henry’s face. “Oh my god you’re a lifesaver! I’ll send the documents over for him to glance at. The shoot is on Saturday morning, wear what you like, you’re still gonna be clothed above the waist. Just one person of your choosing in the room to start and stop the camera, or none if you like! I’ll drop off the goods at your office on Friday before I leave.”

By the time Friday rolled around, Henry had almost forgotten what he’d agreed to. Almost. Pez flew through his office like a tornado, giving him advice on what to wear, how to style his hair, and finally, dropping off what he came for.

“Brand spanking new, and yours to keep after the shoot, you’re welcome. I’ve got one like that too and… you are very welcome.” Henry grimaced. “I’m sure you two will have a lot of fun.”

“Everything I’ve learned about your sex life has been against my will.” Henry inspected the box Pez gave him. The packaging was nice, sturdy, expensive feeling. 

“Well I happen to know you’re more of a size queen than I am, so lube up friend, there’s some in the box.”

His face scrunched in disgust as he reminded himself to never tell Pez anything ever again. 

“Right, thanks for that then I suppose. Anything else I should know about—”

A knock and a mass of dark, curly hair interrupted his train of thought. Alex.

“Shit sorry, didn’t know you had company.” 

Henry scrambled to hide the box Pez had dropped off, eyebrows shooting into his hairline as Pez shot him a look. “Not to worry dear, Auntie Pezza has a flight to catch. See you later boys, oh and Henry, tell me how it goes?”

Henry nodded at his friend, waving him off. “Safe travels, all the rest. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Alex turned to Henry, a question gleaming in his eyes. “Hot date later?”

His eyebrows shot up into his hairline as Henry puffed out a breath. “No, no not quite.”

“Excellent. So you’ll be around tomorrow afternoon then?” Alex looked almost hopeful.

Henry winced. “Also not quite, no. Tomorrow night maybe?” He knew he’d probably be keyed up and feeling slightly self conscious after the shoot, drinks with his other best friend slash office crush would definitely keep his mind occupied.

Alex shrugged. “Sure, I can make that work. Want to try that new place in Greenwich?” He flashed his million dollar smile at Henry, the one that never failed to make him melt.

He’s straight, he’s straight, he’s straight!

“Sounds lovely. I’ll swing by yours around 7 and we can come up together?” 

“Sure thing, sweetheart.” Alex gestured to the mound of papers on Henry’s desk, covering the unopened toy box. “So whatcha hiding in there?”

Henry’s breath hitched. “Oh—um well you see…” He stroked his chin, a faraway look taking over his features. “Well you know Pez fairly well I guess. He’s talked me into… helping out one of his friends while he’s gone with an… art… thing…”

Alex’s dark brow furrowed, he nodded along knowing he probably wouldn’t get anything more from the blond man. “Right. And I’m assuming the art… thing is tomorrow afternoon?”

He nodded, clicking his tongue. “Shouldn’t take long—well… ah—I um—” Henry stumbled on his words. “Yeah. I’ve gotta be ready for two.”

“Cool. Do I get to know what it is?”

Henry’s internal monologue had just become various screams. “Ah, um maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime once it’s done and I’ve consumed a lot of alcohol.”

Alex smirked. “Is that a challenge?”

He let out an incredulous laugh. “Git!”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, I want those dirty details, Fox.”

Henry blushed. “You have no idea what you’re asking for Alex.”

---

The time had come for Henry to be on camera, and in all fairness to Pez, everyone so far had been really lovely. Sophie, the eager intern, had him checked in with paperwork and release forms signed, and Theo, the director of the project, walked him through the afternoon’s timeline.

“So we’ll start with a short interview, just to get a sense of who you are, a bit of your background and what you do, then we’ll take a short break to get you prepped, and from there it’s go time. I’m assuming Pez dropped off the vibrator?” Henry nodded, taking in the information in stride as he remembered what he was there to actually do. “Great. I’ll be in the other room controlling the remote for you, so you don’t have to do anything but look pretty and read. Any questions?”

“Yeah, where… um—” Henry had taken some time earlier to stretch himself out a bit in preparation, but the toy was still firmly nestled in its box. Luckily the project was fairly portable, and the small crew had invaded his new apartment.

“Where can you get yourself ready?” His place was bigger than his last shoebox, but still small enough to feel self conscious about inserting the plug knowing there were people in the room over. It had been years since he’d had roommates, and he wasn’t used to having to monitor his noise levels. “We’re setting up in the office so it’s up to you, whether you’d prefer your bedroom or bathroom, we’ll keep crew away from there.” Henry nodded in acknowledgement. “I know this is intimidating, but say the word and we stop, you know that, right?”

He let out a sigh of relief, a smile crossing his face. “Thank you. I’m okay, just a little nervous is all. I’m not unaccustomed to strangers watching me finish,” he shot Theo a look, hoping he understood he was talking about random hookups, “but I’ve never done anything on camera before.”

“Totally fine, don’t even think of it that way, you’re just reading a book!” 

He smiled and followed him into the office for the interview portion of the video.

Once he was mic’d up and properly lit, Theo started with the questions.

“Why don’t you introduce yourself a bit, tell us who you are and what you’ll be reading today.”

A warm smile crossed Henry’s face. “Hi, I’m Henry Fox, and I’m a writer. Originally hailing from London, I moved to New York with my best friend Pez to be closer to my publisher. My book How to Steal a Heart recently became popular on BookTok, and has been in the top five on the New York Times bestsellers list for twenty weeks in a row. It follows a young prince named James who goes undercover as a commoner weeks before his wedding to Lady Elizabeth. James meets Gabriel, a Spanish traveller, who’s been sent to England to steal a precious jewel from the royal family, but instead steals James’ heart.” He looks down at his desk, stroking the spine of the book. “I poured my heart and soul into this book, and it’s incredibly touching to hear how much everyone else has loved it too. But I won’t be reading this today.”

Henry picked up the other book on his desk, a well loved copy of a Regency era romance, two handsome men on the cover. “The Servant and the Gentleman by Annabelle Greene. These have kind of become my guilty pleasure read when I’m not in the headspace for something like Pride & Prejudice. There’s something romantic and sexy about the Regency era, when a simple brush of fingers can cause an audience to gasp. Of course this one is a lot, erm, smuttier than Austen’s work, but it’s a work I’ve returned to a few times.” He looks up at Theo, who’s leaning against the doorframe with a smile.

“Great! You’re a natural on camera, Henry.” Theo leads the excess crew out of the room in preparation for the next stage. He hands him a bath robe and walks him to his bedroom. “We’re going to fix up the desk a little bit, throw a sheet over it so your lower half is covered. We tested the remote already, so you just need to worry about you, okay?”

Henry nodded in understanding, taking the box from Sophie the intern, and closing his door. The nerves had begun to settle in as he unboxed the black, silicone plug. It felt nice, soft and lightweight, the small light indicating it was already on but the motor not started. He gave it a wash, letting it air dry on a clean towel as he stepped out of his trousers and briefs. His heart pounded as he poured a bit of lube on his fingers and got to work opening himself up.

A short few minutes later, he was able to slip the the toy in. Henry groaned, his cock finally warming up to the idea of what he was about to do. Taking a deep breath, he donned the robe Theo had given him, and walked out into the office.

Henry knew realistically this wasn’t the first video the crew had done. Pez mentioned they were filming twelve over the course of a few weeks, and his had been near the end, but he was fairly surprised by the professionalism of it all. He settled into his chair, a towel already laid down, and sheet covering his legs from the room, and dropped the robe. His breath hitched as the plug nudged his prostate; they hadn’t even started filming and he already knew he was fucked. 

“Alright. If we’re ready to go, I’ll just give you a bit of a run down. We’ll hit record on the camera and get out of your way, I’ve got headphones so I can monitor what you’re saying. You’ll start by introducing yourself and the book you’re reading, once you’ve finished, state your name once more and the title of the book. We’ll wait outside until you’re ready for us to come back in. I’ll control the remote from this side of the door. If ever it gets too intense or you don’t want to continue, please just yell for one of the crew and we stop. You understand so far?”

Henry nodded.

“Verbal consent please hon, things can get pretty intense and I want to make sure you’re okay.”

Henry smiled. “Yes, thank you Theo, I understand.”

He gave a quick nod and continued. “Don’t worry about holding back, noises, faces, words are all good, but please don’t feel the need to put on a show. I want you to be authentic in yourself, show us what your pleasure looks like. It’s a beautiful thing, it’s poetic, it’s art. Last thing, don’t worry about how long or short you last here. We’ve had a few people last a couple paragraphs, and one last a couple chapters. Take what you need.”

“Got it. I—I think I’m ready.”

Theo smiled. “Good, we’re ready on our end as well. I’ll hit record, and as soon as I’m out the door, you can start.”

Henry nodded one last time, wriggling in his chair and turning to the chapter. Theo gave him a thumbs up, and closed the door, leaving him alone. He took a deep breath, and stared down the barrel of the lens. “Hi, I’m Henry Fox, and today I’ll be reading The Servant and The Gentleman by Annabelle Greene.”

He cleared his throat, eyes scanning the page before he started. “Chapter ten. One bed. A very large bed, a mahogany four-poster that took up most of the sloping attic room, but still a bed in the singular rather than plural. Josiah sat awkwardly on one corner of it, the feathers in the mattress astonishingly soft.” 

Henry’s fingers twitched in anticipation, his pulse quickening; the wait for the vibrations to start was almost agonizing, and his cock thickened as the wait for pleasure stretched on. He could begin to understand why this was so erotic. He was alone so the pleasure felt like it was all his, but in reality, someone on the other side of that door held the key to his undoing.

He continued the chapter, getting accustomed to the way his voice sounded in the room alone, when he jolted as a low thrumming vibration started. “He’d noticed, then. He’d seen what Josiah had secretly h-hoped he would. Josiah took a step towards Hartley, seized with a sudden, overwhelming desire to k-kiss him.” Henry stumbled over the words, taking deep breaths as he tried to read in earnest. He shifted in his seat, hoping to take some pressure away, but the new angle had the bulbous head of the plug settle right up against his prostate. Almost like clockwork, the vibrations levelled up.

His words became breathy, and he gulped in air, trying to hold back the whines he desperately wanted to let go, but he kept reading. “He held his breath as Mr. Balfour moved closer. Close enough to press against him, chest to chest, thigh to thigh. Hartley sighed, a deep shiver running through him as he looked into the man’s warm brown eyes—Oh!” Henry dropped the book from his left hand, his palm coming flat to the table as he tilted his head down and closed his eyes in pleasure. He bit his lip, and scrunched his nose, resisting the urge to roll his hips. His cock was now fully interested in what was happening, he was half hard, and so badly wanted to wrap his hand around his length. But with a low chuckle, he returned both hands to the book and continued reading. 

“He couldn’t even think of him as Mr. Balfour anymore.” Henry composed himself, getting accustomed to the new speed of the toy. “Not in this naked, vulnerable light. Master, servant, Mr. Hartley, Mr. Balfour; no rank, no polite form of address, quite held up to scrutiny. Not here. Not now.” He gasped, gripping the book with white knuckled fingers, and let the air out with a hum through closed lips. “Fuckin’ hell that’s… wow.” With a shake of his head, he read on.

“The man in front of him was Josiah. As for himself, he was no one, no one at all. Just a terrified creature in desperate need of relief, of fulfilment that only Josiah could provide.” His voice was shaky, and his knee bounced under the table. “Hartley stared, briefly shocked at the idea of it, before Josiah’s lips met his, and thoughts were suddenly, deliciously drowned in f—uuuuck.” Henry threw his head back, chest heaving as he finally gave into his instincts and let his hips roll. With every rock of his hips, the plug pushed against his prostate, sending jolts of pleasure through his body. His cock leaked a steady stream of precum, and his fingers itched to grasp himself, spread his wetness down his length, pump into his fist, with a name on his lips. And suddenly he remembered where he was again. “Deliciously drowned in feeling.”

“There was no room anymore. No door, no walls, no confinement whatsoever. With J-Josiah’s kiss came infinite sp—infinite space; a liberation so complete that H-Hartley couldn’t help but sigh with relief.” His fingers shook as he traced the words, and suddenly, that telltale tingle at the base of his spine started. “O—oh f—fuck.” He moaned in earnest, the dam breaking now as he writhed in his seat. “He—unnhh!” Henry slammed his palm down against the desk again, shoulders hunching forwards as his hand curled. He was close, but it wasn’t enough. If he could only get a hand around himself… 

Henry panted lowly, not sure if it was deemed appropriate to ask to go up in speed, but as if his mind had been read, the vibrations kicked it up a notch. The book was long forgotten, his eyes were closed, and he was sure his face was a picture of pleasure. A second jolt of pleasure railed through him as the piece of the toy wedged against his perineum sparked to life. His cock leaked steadily now, he shook as he reached back to grip the edge of the chair, a strangled cry leaving his throat. His other hand slammed against the table, losing his page in the book entirely. His hips rocked against the chair and he whimpered. “Ffffuck, f—fuck, A—Ale…. christ.” He choked in a breath, back going taut as his hips stuttered, and with a shout, he came. 

His ass clenched around the plug as he painted the towel draped across his lap. The shocks kept coming, he felt like it would never end, like he never wanted it to end, it was fucking good. An airy giggle left his lips as his head lolled back, the aftershocks of his orgasm wracking through him, milking the plug he had absolutely no control over. Henry kind of felt invincible, like he could do it again, and again, and again, until his body could give nothing else. He’d never came so hard, not even with the best fuck he’d had, and in that moment he knew, he’d put on a damn good show.

The camera crew must have heard him coming down, because the vibrations stopped shortly after he’d caught his breath. Henry chuckled and shook his head, breathing in once, twice, then looking right down the barrel of the lens again and saying, “My name is Henry Fox, and I’ve just read The Servant and The Gentleman by Annabelle Greene.”

He blinked once, twice, giving Theo enough room to cut the end of his shot, then he moved to clean himself up. Wiping himself down brought the sudden realization that this was going to be online… and then it dawned on him… what if Alex saw this? 

---

Henry wrung his hands together as he met up with Alex for their dinner in Greenwich. He was still keyed up despite the satiated feeling that took over his body as soon as Theo and his crew left that afternoon; it was a different type of intensity, the anticipation of knowing Alex could find out at any point what he was doing that afternoon. And of course, the anxiety of knowing he’d pretty well shouted Alex’s name as he came.

“Henry… hey, are you… are you there man?”

Henry blinked at Alex, shaking his head slightly pulling himself out of his thoughts. “Yes, yes sorry. You were saying?”

Alex stopped, pulling Henry to the edge of the sidewalk when he’d earned a grumble under their breath from a passing pedestrian. “Are you okay? You seem off. Did something happen?”

“What? No, I’m fine! I’m fine.”

Alex cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. “You sure about that? You’ve been quiet since you came to get me.”

A smile graced Henry’s face finally, hopefully levelling out some of Alex’s concern. “Yes, I’m sure, I’m fine. I think this afternoon was just a little more… intense than I was anticipating.”

“Oh yeah!” Alex lit up once more, guiding Henry back onto the sidewalk towards their destination. “How’d your art thing go?”

Henry held back the urge to laugh. What did he even say to that? It was incredible? The best orgasm he’d ever had? Oh, I came so hard my brain leaked out my ears, and you can watch it all in dazzling 4K, coming soon to a youtube channel near you. Don’t get freaked out if you maybe hear your name towards the end, I definitely wasn’t thinking of you railing me into next week.

“It was good, the people were nice.”

Alex shot him a look. “That’s it? You ever gonna tell me what it was about? Oh! Or will I maybe see it down the line?” A high pitched giggle left Henry’s mouth. “What’s that supposed to mean? My god, did you like pose nude or something?”

Henry tilted his head side to side, face scrunched. “Or something.” 

“What!” Alex grabbed Henry’s forearm, shooting heat through him and making him blush. That beautiful smile graced his features, deviant and excitable, making him feel oddly supported. “Oh my god Henry, did you do a boudoir shoot? This whole time I thought you were a prude, have you been holding out on me?”

Henry scoffed. “You’ve read my book, you know I’m not a prude.”

“I thought we were friends, would you just tell me already? It’s killing me here man!” 

“Maybe in time. And with a lot of alcohol, remember? Just… drop it for tonight, please?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll drop it. But when you do finally tell me what it was, I wanna see it!”

Henry’s heart skipped a beat. “Absolutely not.”

---

irl chaos demon

[10:15 p.m.] Dude, have you seen this?

Alex swiped away Nora’s text, knowing it was probably some TikTok trend, and he was not willing to start on that rabbit hole tonight.

 irl chaos demon

[10:18 p.m.] I just finished watching it and… I think you’ll want to see this 👀

He eyed the message carefully before finally clicking on the notification and seeing the youtube link she’d sent him. Intimate Words: Session Ten: Henry.

Oh?

The thumbnail was vague. Alex recognized the background to be Henry’s apartment office space, with the wall of books behind him. He was seated at his desk, a book open in front of him, as he smiled softly into the camera. His hair wasn’t messy, but it wasn’t slicked back into his usual perfect coif. Alex imagined this softer, more undone version of Henry was one reserved for the comforts of his own home when he shared it with someone more… well intimately. He clicked through to the video, a short logo stinger introducing it, and oh! This must have been the art thing he was doing those few weeks ago!

Alex paused the video, considering the idea of texting Henry to let him know he would be watching… but then remembered how skittish he’d been about it. He’d gotten the impression that Henry didn’t want Alex watching this. The description was about as vague as the thumbnail, it read ‘Author Henry Fox reads from The Servant and The Gentleman by Annabelle Greene. Directed by Theo Lawson’ 

It seemed straightforward enough, just Henry reading a book… so then why was he so embarrassed about it?

Alex did the only thing he could think to do at that moment. He called June.

“Hey Lil Bit, what’s up?”

“Did Nora show you a video of Henry?”

June scoffed. “Yeah, she did. I didn’t watch it all the way through cause he’s like my less annoying non-biological brother and that would be weird, but…”

“Why didn’t you finish the video? She said I’ll want to see it, but it didn’t sound like Henry wanted me to see it.” 

June went silent. 

“Bug, what’s up with this fucking video?”

“Alejandro!” Nora joined the call, sitting beside June. “To what do we owe the pleasure, we just got into bed.”

“Gross. Nora what’s with the link?”

“Ooooooh! Did you watch it? Hot, right?”

It was Alex’s turn to be silent.

“Oooohhhkay, I’m going to guess from your lack of response you either didn’t watch it, or are currently questioning your sexuality.”

“Nora, why the fuck would this video make me question my sexuality?”

Nora chuckled. “So you really didn’t watch it, huh. Have you actually not heard about this project?”

“Clearly I haven’t.” Alex went right to Google. The Intimate Words project. He clicked on the first link to the official site and read through the description, eyes going wide. “Nora… did Henry… sorry explain this to me like I’m five. What am I looking at?”

“Henry read a book on camera while getting some good vibrations, pun intended, as an artistic statement in favour of normalizing what pleasure looks like on different people.”

Alex took a deep breath. “Okay. Okay. Soooo, should I watch it?”

“I dunno Alex, should you?”

“I mean do I want to watch it?”

Her voice went softer. “I can’t answer that Alejandro, do you want to watch it?”

Alex dropped his hand, looking at the video thumbnail again. Henry’s soft smile stared back, warm and inviting, and for a moment, a flutter erupted in his chest. He was straight. He was straight? At least he was pretty sure he was straight… Was he? 

His head spun as he thought back to every interaction he’d had with Henry since meeting him. They riffed off each other perfectly, best buds, a good pal, but… but Alex was disappointed whenever Henry would cancel plans, and everything felt better, brighter, when Henry was around. 

A few minutes of comfortable silence had passed. “Nora? I’m gonna go.”

“You okay Lil Bit?” This time it was June that chimed in.

“Yeah, I’m good, well, we’ll see how I’m feeling in a bit I guess.”

“Call me when you’re done!” Nora shouted over the phone.

“Ew, that’s my brother, asshole.”

Alex hung up before their fighting turned into something he wouldn’t be able to un-hear, and clicked on the video. His heart was thrumming in his chest as Henry’s smooth voice rang through his bedroom, and he began reading.

It was only a minute or so into the video, but nothing out of the ordinary had happened. It was just Henry, he was just reading, and maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. He was twitchier than usual, but Alex figured it had to do with the nature of the video he was performing in. Henry didn’t seem like the type of person to do anything like this. Admittedly, Alex didn’t know really much about Henry’s dating life, he tended to keep pretty quiet about it at work or otherwise, but apparently he was more adventurous than Alex thought him to be. 

But then came the stuttering. 

And Alex’s body finally caught up with what his brain knew he was watching.

From the first breathy gasp Henry let out, Alex knew the answer to the question he’d had in his mind since the phone call with Nora. It was a clear and resounding no. 

He watched as Henry bit his full bottom lip, a stream of little noises spilling from between his teeth. Alex could see the way his fingers trembled against the desk, like Henry was unable to control the way they spasmed as he let what clearly was a magnificent feeling wash over him. He wasn’t entirely sure just what was being used on Henry, but his mind ran rampant with ideas, and it took less than a minute for his own cock to stir in his joggers. 

Alright, guess we’re doing this.

Henry’s voice shook deliciously as he continued to read, and for a moment, Alex thought about having him read aloud while Henry rode his cock. He groaned at the idea, which apparently Henry from the video could tell. “Fuckin’ hell that’s… wow.”

The surprise from his lips was almost endearing, no, adorable, but only for another minute because shortly after Henry let out a downright filthy string of expletives. 

“Fuck baby.” Alex groaned, watching Henry grind away on his desk chair. He wanted to mark up that perfect neck, suck bruises wherever he could, nip away at those sinful collarbones… he wanted to be the one making Henry feel like that.

Henry’s composure was waining, and so was Alex’s as his fingers twitched, itching to get a hand on himself. He could see the moment Henry gave up on the task at hand and focused purely on his pleasure, chasing what he needed, and good god, it was the hottest fucking thing Alex had seen in his thirty years of life. Better than anything he’d read, anything he’d seen, porn or otherwise, this video would ruin anyone else for him. Henry would ruin anyone else for him. His eyes were glued to the screen, he didn’t even want to blink in case he missed anything, and… was that his name?

Alex scrubbed backwards, hitting play and listening carefully and… “Ffffuck, f—fuck, A—Ale…. christ.”

He paused the video, the pleasure on Henry’s face frozen in time, the pleasure he’d gotten seconds after saying his name. Alex.

Alex opened his messages and texted Nora back.

TO: irl chaos demon

[10:58 p.m.] We’re talking about this tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Not tonight, tomorrow. Tonight Alex was preoccupied. 

The sexuality crisis could wait. The imagery of Henry getting off with his name on his lips was past the point of sending Alex into a spiral, and right to him being horny about it. He pulled his half hard cock out of his joggers, not even bothering with pushing them down knowing this would be quick. A few tugs with his hand had him throbbing and leaking over his knuckles. He closed his eyes, the memory of Henry’s breathy whimpers racing through his mind. A bite of his lip and a throaty groan of his own, and quickly, Alex was spilling over his fingers, making a mess of his hand and the waistband of his joggers.

He only allowed himself a moment of contemplation before he was wiping his hand off on his bottoms, they’d have to be washed anyways, and going to brush his teeth.

As he stared at his reflection, hair tousled, cheeks flushed, Alex did what he did in every crisis. He made a list.

That video of Henry turned him on.

Nora thought he’d want to see the video, and he did.

If he was being honest, that wasn’t the first time he’d had some kind of… feeling like that for a man.

On some level, he knew that he had to be somewhat into Henry 

That video of Henry really fucking turned him on.

With a sigh, Alex contemplated what this meant for him. There was no problem with him accepting the fact that he was low-key into guys. If anything, it opened up the dating pool for him… but he had a feeling he didn’t really want the dating pool to be opened past… well… Henry. He’d never really given a thought to his sexuality. Yeah, he liked women, he was confident in that for sure, but he’d never really thought about dating men until Henry.

By this point it was nearly midnight, and Alex’s head was spinning. He texted the group chat with Nora and June suggesting brunch in the morning and crawled into bed, hoping some clarity would come with sleep. That night he dreamt of Henry.

---

Brunch the next morning was… eventful to say the least. There was a lot of teasing on Nora’s part, and Alex spent the whole meal red (and not from the effects of bottomless mimosas). After much contemplation, and a chat with both Nora and June, Alex came to the conclusion that he was bisexual.

The more he said it, the more he felt like it really fit, and by the end of the weekend, Alex was feeling more confident about himself than he had felt in a while.

Monday morning at the office felt a little bit brighter, there was a spring in his step and for once he actually felt relaxed after a weekend off. That is until he opened his calendar and remembered that he agreed to lunch with Henry today.

“Alex, good morning.”

Speak of the devil.

“H-hey man, how was your weekend?” Alex picked up his coffee, blowing away the steam before taking a sip.

“It was nice, got a lot of writing done actually. I have another meeting this morning about my latest draft, but it’s all been pretty ‘good vibes’ so far with this book.”

Alex choked on his coffee, his nose burning from the hot liquid suddenly entering his airway.

“Oh god, are you alright?”

Alex nodded frantically, reaching for some tissues to wipe down the mess. “Fine, fine sorry, went down the wrong pipe there.”

Henry chuckled. “Just learning to swallow?” 

“Something like that.”

Henry’s eyebrows rose, oh god, Alex thought, am I actually successfully flirting with Henry?

“So lunch. Spencer and Zarah can’t make it today, I think it’s just gonna be us two. I was hoping to maybe check out that new Thai place?”

Alex blinked slowly. Lunch alone with Henry sounded dangerous, but it would be suspicious if he also randomly bailed. “Yeah, sounds great. I’ll meet you at the elevator at 1?”

Henry smiled warmly and nodded. “See you then!” He looked back and waved once he’d walked away, and Instantly Alex knew he was screwed.

The morning stretched on as Alex waited for the clock to strike 1. Henry looked so good today in a soft sweater, the collar of his shirt peeking through, and his hair just a little bit undone. His heart fluttered anxiously as he watched the clock, not even knowing what the hell he even did that morning, and then finally, it was time. Alex grabbed his wallet and phone, forcing himself to walk, not run, to the elevators where Henry was waiting. Unfortunately for him, the sight of Henry made him lose every coherent thought he’d had until that point.

They rode the elevator down in complete silence, Alex worrying the entire time about what they’d talk about once they were seated. Henry luckily filled the silence with updates on his meeting, prattling on about the book and the notes he was getting from his editor. 

The restaurant was a short walk away, and by the time they were seated, Henry had already recounted all the important bits of his meeting. They read through the menus, Henry glancing up to Alex every once in a while, and glancing back down with a blush when Alex caught his eye. Neither conversed with each other, even after the waiter took their orders and filled their water glasses. 

Alex could feel the tension between them. He was making it weird, but all he could see right now was Henry seated across from him, writhing in pleasure instead of the put together slightly stuffy persona he kept up during working hours. From spending the weekend fantasizing about him, to sitting across from him at lunch was a very strange dichotomy, and suddenly Alex was having a hard time separating the two Henry’s in his mind. Was it getting hot in here? 

“Alright, what’s bothering you? I’ve literally never seen you this quiet.”

Alex’s eyes went wide, his mouth gaped like a fish… he had absolutely no idea what to say. Does he just come clean? Tell Henry everything that had transpired over the weekend? Or does he lie and say he’s fine, just under the weather? Henry could usually read him like an open book, no matter what he says, he’d know Alex was lying. So all that he could come up with was, “I’m bisexual.”

Henry raised his eyebrows. He could tell that wasn’t what Alex had intended to say based on the slight wince that followed his short and succinct coming out. 

“Sorry… that—I-I didn’t—”

“Alex.” Henry reached across the table and laid his hand on top of Alex’s lightly. Alex’s brain promptly shuts down. “Thank you for telling me.”

He nods, eyes focused on their hands. “Yeah, ‘course, you’re my best friend, Hen.”

Henry smiled bashfully and pulled his hand away, taking a sip of water. “I’m not the first person you told, am I?”

Alex laughed, feeling a lot more himself now that Henry was guiding their conversation. “No, Nora and June kinda walked me through a sexuality crisis over the weekend.” Shit!

Intrigued, Henry raised his eyebrow. “Oh?”

Again, Alex started feeling hot under the collar, his smile dropped.

“Someone catch your interest?”

“Ah… um…” Alex winced. “Something like that.”

Henry nodded, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. “Do I know him?”

Alex froze. He felt himself coming to a crossroad; he could laugh off the whole thing and say it was some actor in some new movie, typical bullshit, or he could come clean. Coming clean would obviously be the harder road… but would it? It would mean he wouldn’t have to dance around Henry like he had all day, maybe he could stop picturing his face masked in pleasure whenever he threw his head back in a laugh, and maybe, just maybe, it could mean Henry felt that way about him too.

Decision made, Alex begun to nod. “Yeah, actually, you do.” He played with the beads of his bracelet, a nervous habit he’d picked up, and braced himself. “Henry, I-I saw your video.”

Video… my vid—oh dear lord. Henry felt a hundred different emotions wash through him, confusion, fear, and embarrassment being the main features. “Oh god.”

“I—I think it was—”

Henry put a hand up, effectively stopping Alex from saying anything further. “I’m sorry I just… I’d really like for you to not finish that sentence.” He remembered the end of that video A—Ale…. christ… and let out a deep sigh. “Oh god.”

“Hen—”

“I… sorry I’ve got a meeting to get to.”

---

“Fuck, Pez. Fuck.”

“Hazza, I’m failing to see how this is a bad thing.”

Henry let his head fall to his desk with a thunk. “I said his fucking name Percy.”

Pez laughed on the other end of the phone. “Oh I know darling, I was a little offended it wasn’t my name on your lips, but this was a long time coming to be honest.”

“Pez.” Henry pleaded. “Please.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll behave. But I stand by what I said, I’m failing to see how this is bad for you. The man basically said you were his bisexual awakening, why are you on the phone with me instead of getting railed by—”

“Because! I don’t think I’m strong enough to only be with him casually. With him, it has to be all or nothing.”

He can hear Pez snort on, the tinny effect of his phone speaker doing nothing to hide the snark. “Okay, so go all in then.”

“But what if—”

“Babes, all I’m hearing are excuses. Why don’t you just talk to him? He’s obviously into you in some way, or he wouldn’t have even said anything about the video.”

“But I don’t know if he even had positive thoughts about the video, I left before he could say anything about it. What if he’s totally disgusted?”

“You’re not considering the facts though love, he said someone caught his interest, and—shush! Let me finish! Someone caught his interest and then he mentioned seeing you in that video. Sorry Hen but it sounds like you’re incorrect here.”

Unfortunately it did sound like Pez had a point. There was nothing really left to say, Henry had to admit defeat.

“Hazza, just talk to him. Please. I can feel your gay panic all the way in bloody London. I think you’ll be surprised by what he has to say.” 

“Fine, fine. I’ll text him. To meet up and talk tonight. Or something.”

“Yes! That’s the spirit! Let me know how it goes mate.”

Henry watched the call disappear from his screen to find he’d already received a text from Alex. 

Alex

[2:15 p.m.] Hey man, I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable  earlier, it really wasn’t my intention, I hope you know that.

He worried the skin of his lip, crafting a response that would have him on edge all day.

TO: Alex

[3:05 p.m.] Hi Alex, I understand that wasn’t your intention,  you didn’t make me uncomfortable, I was just startled.

[3:06 p.m.] Can we talk later today? I’d like the opportunity  to maybe clear the air a little bit between us.

Alex

[3:07 p.m.] Oh thank god you’re alive

[3:07 p.m.] Yeah, wanna come to mine after work? 

TO: Alex

[3:08 p.m.] Yes I’ll swing by yours after I let David out for a walk.

---

He was stalling. Henry knew he was stalling, and he didn’t care, he did not want to face this head on, but he knew he had to.

After a moment outside, Henry knew he had to face Alex, and knocked on his door. As if he were standing right behind it, Alex appeared moments later.

“Alex.”

“Hi.”

They stood there looking at each other for a moment before Henry gestured at the door. “Do you mind if I—?”

Alex spurred to life. “Right, yeah, come in.” He stepped aside and let Henry in, leading him towards the living room. “Can I get you anything? A beer, glass of wine, hell I can whip up a margarita.”

Henry smiled. “I think perhaps we should have this conversation sober?”

“Yeah, good idea actually.” Alex moved to sit next to Henry on the couch, leaving more space between them than they usually kept. “If you don’t mind, can I start?” Henry motioned for Alex to go ahead. “I want to apologize. Before you shot the video it didn’t sound like you really wanted anyone to know what it was. I didn’t seek it out, I promise. Nora sent it to me, I think she knew I was bi before I did, but I really shouldn’t have opened it. I thought about ignoring it, but I didn’t, I violated your trust and your wishes, and I’m really, truly sorry for that.”

“Alex, it’s okay—” 

“But it’s not Hen. You told me not to watch it and I did anyway.”

Henry chuckled to himself. “I don’t recall telling you not to watch it, I think a part of me hoped you would before I… well we’ll get to that, but I didn’t explicitly say do not seek this out. People I know were bound to see it at some point or another, I’m not mad you saw it Alex.”

“You’re not?”

“Gods no. I’m more than a little embarrassed to tell you the truth. It was quite empowering, I don’t think I’ve ever felt that hot in my life, but…” Henry’s heart slammed in his chest, it was now or never. “Alex, I said, fuck I practically moaned your name.”

“A-are you embarrassed that you did it, or that it was—”

“Don’t even think about saying it, you know I’d never be embarrassed of how I feel about you.”

Alex’s breath hitched. “And how do you feel about me Henry?”

Henry’s fierce expression turned a little sad, and Alex braced himself for rejection. “You have to understand Alex, I don’t—I don’t do casual, and you just came out.”

Alex frowned. “Okay, when did I say I wanted casual?”

“Well I just thought—” 

“You thought wrong then. Yes, I’m attracted to you. Like mega, big time, holy shit attracted to you. But I also like you Henry. And yeah, I’m new to this whole bisexuality thing, your fucking performance sent me down a rabbit hole I’m honestly surprised I’d never been down before, but I’d also like to take you on dates, and hold your hand, and kiss you just because I want to.”

“You’re attracted to me?” A rosy blush graced his high cheekbones.

“Obviously. Have you not seen yourself? And in that video? Jesus Christ I thought I was going to combust.”

Henry shrugged. “I honestly haven’t watched the video. I’ve never felt so… free, or sexy, like I felt so good after filming that, but I’m worried I just look silly.”

Alex scooted closer on the couch, letting his fingers rest lightly on Henry’s to test the water. When Henry didn’t pull away, Alex moved to cover his whole hand, lacing their fingers together. 

“Trust me, there’s no way you could look silly doing what you did. You looked so hot baby.”

A pleasant shiver rolls down Henry’s spine at the pet name, and a smile settles deeper into his features.

“For the record, I have feelings for you too, I have for a while, but you’ve just always been… straight.”

Alex looked down at their joined hands, a chuckle rumbling through his chest. “Well lucky for you I’m not straight then, right?”

“Hm, yeah.” Henry moved even closer to Alex, pressing their legs up against each other. “I have to ask, have you ever been with a man, in any way?”

Alex winced. “No… but also yes.”

“Oh?”

“A friend of mine, Liam, from high school. We used to, I dunno, get off together. We never actually like… touched each other, or kissed or anything, but there was nothing straight about it. And like… he came out to me as gay after college.”

Henry nods, a smile on his face. “Ah, I understand. And… you’d want to do things like kiss me, and touch me?”

With raised eyebrows, Alex gives Henry a once-over. “I said I wanted to, didn’t I baby? Maybe not… all at once, but I’d really like to kiss you if that’s okay.”

With a bashful smile, Henry nodded. “More than okay, love.” He leaned in, bumping his nose against Alex’s gently, before connecting their lips in a chaste kiss. “How’s that?” He whispered, lips brushing against Alex’s with every syllable.

“Fucking come here.”

Henry let out a squeak as Alex hoisted him into his lap, legs falling on either side of his hips, and hands going to his shoulders. They stared intently into each other’s eyes, reading their expressions for any signs it was going too far, before meeting in the middle in a heated kiss. Alex’s hands went immediately to Henry’s waist, running his fingers across the small of his back. Henry felt more confident to let his own hands wander into the hair he so desperately wanted to feel. It was soft and thick, and everything he’d dreamed of, and with a light tug, he was able to extract a deep groan from Alex’s throat.

Henry pulled away, gazing once again into Alex’s eyes with the silent question of everything okay? His question was answered moments later when Alex hooked his hands under Henry’s ass and dragged him closer. He was breathless; they were chest to chest, and he could feel the effects of their actions from the man beneath him as their dicks slotted together along with the rest of themselves. They rushed forward again, practically drunk on each other with this newfound friction between them, lips meeting in the middle in a frantic kiss. Alex’s tongue met Henry’s and suddenly a new layer of arousal joined the party. 

Alex pulled his lips away from Henry’s, peppering pecks across his cheek and down the column of his neck. He nipped a patch of skin at the juncture of Henry’s neck and shoulder, causing a yelp from the man above him, before soothing it with the heat of his tongue. As he worshiped the soft skin of Henry’s neck with his lips, teeth, tongue, Alex’s clever hands held a commanding grip on Henry’s ass, guiding him in a rough grind. 

A whimper from Henry made Alex perk up, and he met Henry’s eyes once again.

“Oh my god, is this okay?”

“Christ, is this okay, please don’t fucking stop.”

So much for taking it slow.

With a chuckle, Alex dutifully went back to work sucking love bites on Henry’s neck. Henry’s hips moved on their own, a string of soft groans and whimpers falling from his lips as he ground down on Alex’s erection. The friction between them was heavenly, and Alex was questioning why he hadn’t tried this sooner. 

“Fuck sweetheart, that’s good.” Henry’s following groan was stifled by his teeth worrying his bottom lip, and suddenly, it was too much, and not enough for Alex. 

His grip on Henry’s ass tightened, and he used all his strength to stand up from their spot on the couch, Henry in his arms. His legs wound around Alex’s torso to keep himself from falling; he instantly felt lightheaded from the force of his blood rushing from his head to his dick. He knew Alex was strong, and worked out to keep his body in immaculate shape, but nothing could have prepared him for what it would be like to be manhandled by him. 

“Sorry, just… too much, I was like seconds away from cumming. Is this still okay?” 

Henry looked down pointedly at his own hard-on standing proudly between them before bashfully looking up at Alex.

“I guess it is, huh.”

Giggles left their throats, the two men finally having a moment to breathe after being so caught up in the moment. They giggled at the absurdity of it all, the fact that they’d danced around each other for so long, the fact that all of this came about because of some dumb (hot) video that Pez just needed him to be in. 

“Where do we go from here?”

Henry looked around Alex’s apartment. “Well where would you like to go from here? I mean we could continue on the couch, or maybe the countertop, or if you’re feeling naughty you could take me to bed.” 

Alex chuckled again, resting his head on Henry’s shoulder. “I mean us, where do we go from here?”

A smile graced his lips as Henry responded. “We’ll continue on, our standing Monday lunch dates, occasional Friday movie nights, and everything else in between, but we add the kissing, and the affection, and we just… don’t hold back what we’re feeling from each other. And we go from there. Let you get accustomed to being with a man, let our feelings develop. I’d like for you to be my boyfriend someday when you’re ready, I’d like to share my feelings with you, and ask that you communicate yours back. Sorry, that was terribly unsexy.”

“On the contrary sweetheart, open and honest communication with a side of promise for the future? Almost as sexy as contract law, talk dirty to me.” 

“Oh you cretin.” Henry swatted Alex’s chest, then leaned in for a chaste kiss. “We don’t have to go any further than you’re comfortable with tonight, but I really would like to continue what we were doing, love. Take me to bed?”

Alex’s smile was nowhere near shy. “Yeah baby, let’s go to bed.” 

[helimir]

if you’re ever worried that you’re being ridiculous about a piece of media you can just go on tumblr and find 50 people way more unhinged about it than you are and I think that’s beautiful

[ssreeder]

hi, I don't use tumblr often, but i when i do, i always check your account to check if you posted something. LIAB is amazing. i truly have no words. i have read a LOT of fanfics from very different fandoms and i can confidently say that Leaving It All Behind is the best one i have ever read. the world you've built around the main characters is so deep, and realistic. even though benders are not real, it feels like i'm reading about true events. you describe the horrors of war and trauma so well. i'm actually very, very impressed. i happen to be a person that suffers from ptsd and other mental illnesses and and the way you portray traumatized characters is very realistic. i know you always say that the main characters' recovery is unrealistically fast, but don't worry about that. the way you describe zuko and sokka's feelings is perfect. their recovery doesn't seem rushed. it just looks like they're adapting and learning how to deal with it fast (we have to remember that the war is still very much happening and sadly they don't have a lot of time to deal with everything that happened to them). i'm so grateful i found your work. it's truly amazing, i hope you won't give up on writing when you finish the LIAB trilogy. have a good day/night

AWWWW OMG THANK YOU <3

seriously this was so kind I’m still in shock. I’m so happy you think the healing arc is realistic because I try to balance the stories pace with the characters struggles and emotions (some of them make it DIFFICULT haha) but I’m always worried it doesn’t translate well.

I have a lot of fun writing LIAB & I’m really glad you like it so much. I hope I continue to make you proud & thank you so much for this amazing ask you made my day <3

[hellfireeddiemunson]

sick of making plans with a specific friend only for her to not reach out abt actually hanging out until the afternoon after i’ve waited all day to hear back from her or for her to just cancel last minute entirely after i’ve again waited all day to hear back from her

[leemarkies]

.

[heartual]

ough