#i cannot sleep so i wrote this instead

[accio-victuuri]

my mostly calm(er) reaction and reflection post on the magnolia awards nomination list 🥀

sir i don’t understand. why aren’t good people rewarded? // as the old saying goes, evil doers get gold belts and good people can’t even keep their corpses. { war of faith episode 24 }

the quote above is one of my favorites from the show and i feel the truth to it now more than ever. i have already posted about my initial rage and that hasn’t changed, it’s not okay and will never be. i’m mostly a pacifist but i’m not a doormat. there is a reason why the WOF account or the other nominees like the director and “best actor” have not posted their thanks as soon as the nominations were out because they are guilty. it speaks volumes and they should be ashamed of themselves. if you look at the most recent post for WOF weibo account, they are being torn apart. not to mention blog accounts and the same audience who supported the drama calling them out.

this should not be a surprise to those of us who watched the show and understood it’s meaning. because this is what the show thought us, to not stay quiet when there is injustice. much like how wei ruolai said that he is ashamed to be in this mountain. how he was not afraid to leave his dream and literally walk back to Jiangxi for what he believes is the right thing to do. i don’t think you will fully understand the hurt, this is not just me being a yibo stan but someone who saw myself in Wei Ruolai.

the drama was about how the youth can change the world. the reality, and what just happened is proving otherwise. i’m sharing this quote here cause it perfectly explains the problem:

"If the youth are strong, the country will be strong" but the truth is the youth are strong, but you don't recognize it.

this incident exposed the problem with these acting awards. i daresay, not only that, but with other industries where everything has to be about seniority. which in turn makes the younger generation feel burned out and contribute to wanting to lie flat. because what’s the point if the game is rigged. the CCP have always given importance to the youth. often inserting the message of why you all should have kids now because they are the future. they are important blah blah blah — but this simple award? you can’t even show fairness? Wang Yibo is the poster boy for CCP’s propaganda on how an upstanding Chinese Youth should be. He has been in the most recent years, we all cannot deny that with how prominent he is showing up in nationalistic programs tied to the “youth”. So if someone as popular/well-known/talented as WYB can’t be treated fairly. can’t be rewarded with his efforts, then what more for a normal citizen?

WOF team and Magnolia Awards really opened a can of worms here. It goes deeper than nominations and a fandom. In a way, it’s good how this exposed the corrupt system and contributed to why people are so angry. The tag for him continued to stay on top because a lot of netizen can relate, even if you didn’t watch it, i bet they had something to say. It’s been happening for some time but definitely is magnified because of Yibo’s popularity and it made them look really bad.

I am aware of Yibo’s chances with the history of older nominees when it comes to this Awards show but I am confident that he had a good chance of getting it. What made me livid was Wang Yang taking the nom. You can slice and dice it however you want, but Yibo carried that show. He is the main lead. The story is about Wei Ruolai. If Yibo didn’t get it i will still speak up but with the betrayal, not only to him but also the screenwriter — i can’t stay silent and be the “rational” vic that most of you are familiar with. WAR OF FAITH is still one of my favorite dramas with how it affected me and is largely contributing to why i’m reacting the way i do.

I’m not gonna defend anyone. Only Wang Yibo. Honestly. Fuck them all. I watched the show and supported it for WYB — everyone else don’t matter. I won’t post any hate message on their accounts but they get no love from me either.

So now let me get to the good part. Because no matter how hurt we all are, there is still a lot of good that came out of this. The silver lining(s) if you will.

1. Everyone who said that WYB has some backers can fuck off. This proves that he hasn’t. He has no background. There is no big-name pulling the strings for him. He is where he is because he is WANG YIBO. His name alone is enough. WOF got the green light because Wang Yibo’s name was on it. Now more than ever, it is proven that he is where he is because of who he is and what he can bring to the table.

2. We are reminded once again that producers are not our friends. LOL. if you know, you know. it’s all business. So don’t kiss their ass.

3. The fact that he trended #1 for hours, and still is right now at number 4 is proof of how great he represented the character of Wei Ruolai. People now recognize him as an actor who deserves a nomination and a win. The general public are now on his side. He is the underdog and there is nothing more that we want to see than a beaten down person rise above it and win. In a way, this creates more buzz and anticipation for his next movie that will be out. 🫶🏼

4. This has really set him apart from his peers of idol actors who crossed over to being professionals. He did it so effectively and in a short span of time. What happened is sad, but he won people’s hearts and those who already do stan him are more geared up to support him in the future. 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

I’m happy for WOF’s nomination. If i’m being honest, it was a sure thing. I’m proud WYB was part and led this amazing drama to what it is. He will continue to give us more excellent works because that is his gift to the audience who always support him.

In the next coming days, if WYB or most likely YBO puts something out, that’s what i’m gonna follow. The most i will do is congratulate WOF, but the others? no thank you.

[ireallyneedaintrestinglife]

Modern Merlin à la Hannah Montana or Miraculous Ladybug style. Emrys is this super popular well known *person*, still haven't figured out what they should be known for, but Merlin is the normal everyday guy that just had this huge crush on Arthur whose super well known around the school or whatever and yeah do you see the vision.

[thinkinonsense]

I KNEW YOU IN ANOTHER LIFEᰔ

dp&w!logan howlett x past wife!reader

cw: mostly angst, some fluff, sorta mean logan, cussing.

wc: 800+

a/n: this is inspired by a one-shot I read a while back but I cannot remember who wrote it. If anyone knows, please please please let me know in the comments so I can give them credit <3 update!!! this is it!!

｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡

The last person you thought you would find here in the void is Logan. There has never been a Wolverine in here. You almost didn't believe it when you found out; needing to see him for yourself. And here he was. Right in front of you, the Logan you grieved all those years ago. The one who stole your heart.

Your Logan.

"And who the fuck are you?" He barked, pushing you away from him.

Those words broke your heart the second they left his lips.

Wade smacks Logan, informing him of your past together. Logan looked like he didn't believe Wade at first. You were way too beautiful for any version of him, Logan thought. What would someone like you want with a man like him?

Tears well up in your eyes as you leave, not wanting it to sting anymore. Laura follows you, glaring at the man who looked like her father. Logan didn't seem to care about the new information, instead reaching for another one of Gambit's bottles.

"I'm sorry, mom," Laura whispers, wrapping her arms around you.

"It's okay, sweetie. I'm not sure what I expected to happen." You sniffle. "He just looks so much like him."

"I know."

Suddenly, Laura stood up and stomped out the door to confront the man who upset her mother. She found Logan sitting outside alone by the fire.

"Look kid, I'm not the man you and your mother think I am." Logan sighs, not even bothering to turn around to check if it's Laura.

"You made her cry," Laura hissed, ignoring his previous comment. Logan looked up at the young girl almost apologetically before shaking his head. "Her Logan would have never made her cry."

Logan felt a sharpness in his stomach at the news. Deep down, he wondered if you two were together at some point. He doubted it though because you looked out of his league. If a past version of him managed to marry you then maybe he did some good during his time.

"If you two haven't noticed, I'm the worst Logan apparently."

"You don't have to be."

ᰔ

It's late when you finally stumble out of bed, not able to sleep. Hours of tossing and turning, trying to get Logan out of your mind. This felt like a cruel joke on your poor heart. You know it's unfair to have him pretend to be your Logan but you desperately wanted it to be him.

All of your memories together haunt your mind like a graveyard. Sweet Sundays spent wrapped in sheets. How he kissed your face every morning, had you wear his dog tags, and ride on the back of his motorcycle. You would give anything to get just one of those moments back.

"What are you doin' awake?"

The voice behind you caused you to jump slightly. A hand coming to rest on your back. You turn around, face-to-face with Logan.

"Can't sleep." You shrugged, opening the freezer to pull out a container of strawberry ice cream.

"That shit won't help you sleep." He grunts, sitting at the table. You ignore his grumpiness and continue scooping the ice cream into a bowl.

"Can we talk?" Logan didn't look you in the eyes as he spoke. Too ashamed of his actions earlier.

"I suppose so." You shrugged, pulling the spoon from between your lips.

"Were we really married?"

You answer by pulling the chain around your neck for him to see. A small diamond ring dangled next to the dog tags he gave you. The moment he saw it, he felt like the biggest asshole who ever lived.

"How many years?" The words stung in his throat.

"Five."

"What was our life like?"

"Perfect." You smile softly down at your bowl. "At least it was to me."

"You did a good job with raising her." He muttered, referring to Laura.

"You would have to."

He's silent for a second, trying to wrap his mind around the idea of being a husband and a father. He wished he knew what it was like to be cared for as much as you cared for your Logan.

"You know, you have the same look in your eyes," Your voice was so quiet, stepping closer to him until you were in front of him.

Logan could see the desperation on your face as you stared at his lips. It would be wrong for him to toy with your widowed heart, but he wanted to be the man you needed. The man you deserved.

"I'm not him, sweetheart," He said, attempting to stop you before you hurt yourself. "And I don't want you to get hurt-"

"Please," You beg, eyes filling up with tears. "I don't care who you are. I just don't want it to hurt anymore."

You were slowly killing him. How could he say no to you? Even if he was the worst Logan, he has a heart. Which is why he lets you close the gap between the two of you. His hands are tangled in your hair while one of yours rests on his jaw before climbing into his lap.

For the first time in years, your heart began beating again. You and Logan could play pretend for now. Neither of you cared what would happen tomorrow, right now was all that mattered.

[gracexthoughts]

intrusion 

jacaerys velaryon x wife!reader

warnings; assault, blood and fighting, break in, cursing, pretty typical for canon universe level of violence, no use of y/n or character description, men being creeps summary; from this request. two intruders, sent by the greens, stumble upon you in their search for rhaenyra and decide to take you as their prize instead a/n; i love this request sm and wrote this kinda fast so apologies for any mistakes. please do not read if any of the above is triggering to you. i put *** on either end of the physical attack on reader if you want to avoid it

The night has been restless for you. A storm lashes at the island Dragonstone towers over; rain and lightning and thunder tearing at the walls of the keep, wind howling against the window pains. Your husband, Jacaerys, is still gone after being sent to treat with some ally. He has yet to return, and you cannot help the worry that has wormed its way into your chest. The storm has held him up, you repeat to yourself, sighing as you toss in bed to lay on your back. Even though you’ve only been married for a few moons, the bed feels too large without his warmth next to you. 

Lighting illuminates the room, and the door to your chambers bursts open as thunder claps, covering the sound of the wood banging against the stone. You bolt up, hoping to see Jacaerys, but instead, you are met with two pairs of unfamiliar eyes. 

Two men stand in the doorway of your chambers, one tall and skinny, a white scar across his face shining in the torchlight, and the other short with muscles pushing against the seams of his clothing. Fear seizes your heart as they examine the room. “Who are you?” you demand sharply, attempting to cover the fear in your voice with the commanding tone you hear Queen Rhaenyra use so often. 

“That’s not the bloody Whore Queen,” the stout man grumbles in a Flea Bottom accent, lowering the torch slightly. Whore Queen, they called your mother-by-law. The Greens sent them, you realize, your heartbeat increasing its pace.

“That’s the bastard prince’s bitch,” the taller one sneers, kicking the door closed and stalking forward.

“Where’s your princeling at, girly?” the other coos, placing the torch in the sconce near the door. As they come closer, you scoot away on the bed, their eyes like rabid animals circling prey. 

“The library,” you lie, “He’s due to come to bed any minute.” Your hand slowly moves under the pillow behind you, searching for the small dagger Jacaerys insisted you sleep with since the attack on his mother by Ser Arryk. The men look at each other, evil smiles splitting their faces. 

“Just came from the library,” the shorter man sneers, stepping up onto the platform the bed sits on. 

“No bastards there. Seems like you’re all alone,” the tall man coos, biting his lip as he stands at the foot of the bed. Your fingers close around the cool hilt of the dagger as the blankets of the bed are ripped off you. You don’t move, keeping the dagger hidden under the pillows, even as the men scan your figure, only clad in a silk nightdress. 

*** 

“Leave now, and the Queen and the Prince will reward you; I’ll ensure it,” you say, your voice beginning to quiver slightly in fear. 

“Oh, the Queen and Prince will reward us, alright, just not your lot,” the man at the foot of the bed smiles menacingly. “Hold her down.” The man at your side reaches out for you, and you slash at him with the dagger, managing a deep cut on his arm. The man stumbles back, a raging yell from his lips. 

“GUARDS! HELP!” You scream, trying to move to the left side of the bed, but your leg is pulled back, and your arm that holds the dagger is pinned down to your side by a heavy boot, a rough hand covering your mouth and muffling your screams. 

“Shut up, idiot,” the taller man grumbles to the other, who still wails, before turning back to you, “I heard you were a feisty one,” he laughs as he hovers above you, wrenching the dagger free and bringing it up to your face. 

“Little cunt, more like,” the man you cut grumbles, glaring at you as tears of fear blur your vision. 

“You’ll be fine. Help me with her, would ya?” The two men grab your arms and legs, dragging you from the bed. You cry out as you land on the hard stone floor.

“Shut up!” One of them growls behind you, pulling you up by your hair and covering your mouth. You squirm and fight as best as you can, but the men have the advantage and chuckle at your feeble attempts as they shove you up against the wall. You cry out again as your head connects with the wall and they begin tying your hands with rough rope as you pray silently to any god who will listen.

***

Before they can secure the ropes completely, blood sprays out of the taller man’s chest as a sword splits him in two. The hands on your limbs relent as the man is pulled off you, revealing Jacaerys, sword dripping with blood, face dark with rage and hair wet with rain. 

Jace tosses the man to the floor before his eyes turn predatorily to the stockier man who draws a short sword from his belt. You watch in shock as your husband engages with the man, attacking him with more vigor and bloodlust than you thought possible for the sweet man you know. You back away hurriedly and crouch in the corner of the room, desperately trying to get as far away from the fight as possible.

A hand pulls your attention from the fight, and you flinch away before turning to see the Queen, your mother-by-law, reaching for you. Her face is soft but urgent. She goes again for your hand, pulling you to her and helping you stand. She pulls you into her, taking care the shield you as gentle arms wrap around your shaking body, not caring that the blood on your front will stain her gown. You cling to her desperately, listening to her whispers of comfort, and turn your head to see Ser Lorrent pushing the intruder to his knees in front of the Prince, his blade to the man’s throat as more guards rush into the room. Jacaerys stands over the man menacingly, his chest rising and falling with his rapid breath, blood pooling from a gash on the intruder’s leg onto the stone floor. 

“Your friend is lucky I gave him a quick death,” Jacaerys growls, glaring at the man on the floor as he crouches down in front of him like a predator, “You won’t be so. I’ll be sure to send The Usurper a message with your head, once I’ve made you pay for touching my wife.” You’ve never seen such rage in your husband before; his usually so soft and sweet amber eyes now contorted with hatred, the flames from the torchlight reflecting in his eyes as if the fire is inside him. His sword drips with blood, mixing with the blood pool on the floor and yet there’s not a scratch on him. Rhaenyra squeezes you tightly for a moment before releasing you and stepping forward. 

“Take him to the dungeons, have two guards on duty at all times, and summon the maids,” commands the Queen to Ser Lorrent, who nods and drags the man from your chambers, a trail of blood in their wake. You watch, without moving from your corner, as Rhaenyra cups her son’s face before taking her leave and the guards, and Jacaerys turns to you; all the hardness in his gaze melted away and replaced by wide eyes full of concern. He speaks your name, his voice cracking slightly at the sight of you, and you throw yourself to him. His sword clatters to the ground as his muscular arms catch you, a hand cradling your head against his chest and the other wrapped around your waist tightly. Your knees give out as the shock leaves your veins, and the pair of you drop to the floor. 

“How did-” 

“The storm made the flight back harder than I expected. I was on my way up when I found a dead guard. They’d pushed the body behind a pillar, but I still saw it. I thought they’d come for Mother again, so I ran to her chambers first. When I saw her undisturbed, I just knew,” Jace explains softly, brushing your hair soothingly, his thumb wiping away tears and blood spatters from your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, my love. I should’ve been here. I should have come here first, I-I’m going to kill them all for laying a hand on you.”

Jacaerys’ mind is reeling and he’s sure he has never been so scared as he was when he found those men attacking his wife, his love, his heart. His more violent side, one he pushes down for the sake of decency, itches to storm down to the dungeons and torture the man who dared hurt you, to make him pay for every second of pain he caused you, to fly to King’s Landing himself to find those responsible for this night and add their blood to his blade. But you need him more in this moment and he is ever at your will.

“S’not your fault,” you say softly, your voice weaker than you’d like. Jace opens his mouth, but two maids enter the room, clearly having just been woken, eyes wide at the state of your chambers. 

“Pardon, my prince, my lady,” the elder of the two says softly, dark blue eyes full of sympathy. Your husband helps you stand, his arm staying protectively around your shoulder. 

"Let us wash and try to find sleep," he says softly to you before turning to ask one of the maids to make the bed in your old chambers and run you a bath. Jacaerys wraps his dark red and still-damp cape around your shoulders before leading you down the halls to the chambers you lived in before your marriage. The familiar surroundings comfort you as Jace leads you to the couch before starting a fire in the hearth.

Soon, the bed has been made up and a hot bath drawn and your husband dismisses the maids, thanking them for their help at such late hours. Jacaerys gently helps you undress and step into the bath. Kneeling outside, he helps wash away the night's evidence, softly sponging the blood from your skin and wringing it from your hair. You lean into his soft touch, finding comfort in his presence and care. Few words are spoken between you as he cares for you but in this moment, his presence is all you want. You can sense the anger in Jace lingering under his skin, needling at his mind, but he stays by your side, whispering promises that he won’t leave you, that he’ll always protect you; your wellbeing more important to him than anything else in the world.

Once you are dressed in a clean nightgown and all blood cleansed from both of you, the pair of you crawl into bed together, your head on his broad chest, allowing his heartbeat to lull you back into a sense of safety. It is not until the first rays of light begin to shine through the curtains that you both find sleep, but you do eventually, wrapped in the loving embrace of each other.

[burnforyou]

DREAMING OF YOU - LUIGI MANGIONE x READER

!SUMMARY! pure fluff, mutual pining, a bit more than friends. he's a good man savannah! wrote this while I was sleep deprived so... enjoy! 1.4k words

the door shuts with a tight click and a high squeak. a cold draft enters the room. you craned your neck to look at the door, expecting your flatmate. instead, Luigi was standing in your doorway looking straight at you. you shot up from the couch.

"Luigi?" all of the air in your lungs was lost as you stared at him.

"hey?" he tried, his voice coming out hoarse. you ran around the couch and jumped into his arms, your arms wrapping around his neck. his arms wrapped around your waist, his cold hands sending a shiver over your whole body. he pulls you into him more and your heels begin to leave the ground.

this is where i'm meant to be, forever, you both think.

"you're here," you whisper into his neck, bringing your head up to look at him. you're still in utter disbelief that this is real, that he is real. you cradle his head in your hands purely to feel him, his face as cold as ice. you can tell he hasn't shaved in a period of time, which is very unlike him, as his stubble prickles your palms. his nose has a rosy hue, one that reminds you of Rudolph. his eyes open and he studies your face.

"where have you been?" you ask breathfully. you're out of breath as if you just ran a marathon.

"I had a family emergency in- out of the country, I had to leave immediately and didn't really have time to talk to anyone. 'm sorry." he apologizes shamefully.

"hey, you don't need to apologize. I understand. I'm just glad you're here now." you smile slightly and search his dark eyes for answers.

you both cannot tear your hands or eyes off of each other, his hands running up and down your back and arms like he’s sculpting you out of clay with his bare hands. you hold him as if he's your military husband returning from war, when in reality, he was only gone for a week. but it felt like war being apart from him for however many days, you could never handle being apart for any longer than that, or ever again.

he takes his hand off your back and tucks a loose strand of your hair behind your ear. your stomach flips at his icy, careful touch. he leaves his hand on your cheek and caresses your skin. he leans into you and his eyes flicker between your lips and eyes. your cheeks flush under his hand and a smile graces his face.

he's so unsure, so hesitant. all he wants to do is kiss you. all he wants to do is be yours, to have you be his. but he doesn't know if you want him the same way. he doesn't know that you dream of him the same way he dreams of you. your lips: your familiar, loving, lips.

little does he know, you feel the same way about him. you've always wanted your kids to have his eyes and nose.

"you're cold," you squeak out. his head jerks back. he looks away from you, embarrassed he even thought for even a second he had the honor of kissing you.

"I am cold." he says, his voice coarse.

"um, you can give me your coat," you awkwardly look down, stepping back from him. he takes off his backpack and drops it on the floor by the door with a thud. "do you want soup? I have tomato basil, vegetable, uh- I think mushroom, or if you don't want soup, I can make us chili, or ramen, or whatever you wa-"

"y/n, I'll eat whatever you make. make whatever you want and i'll eat it." he interrupts your rambling. you snap your head up to look at him, his dark eyes already looking at you.

"is Mac and cheese okay?" you squeak, your skin flushing with embarrassment. he nods and you rush to your small kitchen to start boiling the water, forgetting about his coat. you pour the water into the pot and focus on your breathing,

in,

and then out,

which doesn't seem to work because he's still got you all worked up. all hot and bothered.

on the other side of the wall, Luigi leans against the door and closes his eyes. he was so close to all hes wanted.

it's fine, he tells himself. we have all the time in the world.

when he finally finds the courage to face you again, he pushes off the wall and follows the familiar plan of your apartment to your kitchen. he leans on the island and watches you stir the pot. a couple minutes later you're sitting beside each other, basking in comfortable silence. he's simply just happy that he can be home with you again.

"if you don't mind me asking, um, what happened? with your family?"

"oh, my great uncle died and we had to sort out his will, for his land and money and stuff. we were close when I was growing up, but I haven't seen him in years. it just really hasn't set in yet, that I'm really never gonna see him again."

"I'm so sorry," you put your hand on his bicep. he blinks tiredly and gives you a tight-lipped smile in response. you notice dark eye bags developing beneath his eyes.

"when was the last time you slept?" you ask him. your care floods his heart with love.

"i'm not sure." he answers honestly.

"lu! you need to get to bed! you can sleep in my room tonight," you say, picking up your empty dishes before realizing what you said. "I'll take the couch," you add.

the idea of sleeping in your bed fills him with joy, almost a child-like giddiness. but he knows better.

"no, I'm not doing that. I'll sleep on the couch, it's no big deal." he slides off the chair and watches you in the kitchen. you place the dishes in the sink and turn around to look at him.

"not with those back problems you're not."

"I'd never make a woman sleep on a couch," he argues back.

"and I'd never make a man with back problems sleep on my hard couch that I picked up on the side of the street." you say, putting your hand on your hip.

"I can Uber home," he tries, even though he truly doesn't want to.

"no, you can't." you say stubbornly. you're not letting him go home. you don't even want to let him out of your eyesight for fucks sake.

"can't we just sleep in my bed together?" you blurt out before realizing the implications. your faces both grow red with embarrassment. you look down at your nails and bite the spot on your cuticle you've been picking at. he shivered at the thought of sleeping in a bed together. not just any bed, your bed.

"well, I'm going to bed," you begin walking to your room. "you can join me if you want."

you leave the decision in his hands. once you reach your bathroom, you lean on the sink and look at yourself in the mirror. is this real? you ask yourself. you quickly go through the motions of getting ready for bed, suppressing any thoughts of Luigi. any thoughts of sleeping in the same bed of Luigi. any thoughts of laying next to him as he sleeps and him pulling you flush into him as he sleeps, your backside molding into his front perfectly.

him wearing only boxers and you in a thin t-shirt, little to nothing keeping your skin apart.

fuck!

cold water splashing on your face pulls the wild thoughts out of your mind. your push it all away, walk to bed, and pull the covers over you.

a little while later, you feel the blanket pull and the bed dip. you blink your eyes open slowly and your met with luigi's dark brown eyes staring tiredly into your own, also struggling to stay open.

"Luigi," you croak, your mind not fully awake. you reach out for him and he shuffles closer to you. his skin is still cold to the touch. you pull his head into your chest and entwine your fingers in his curls. you share your heat with him under the blanket.

"are you cold now?" you ask, delirious with sleep.

"no," he replies simply, at a loss for words as you massage his scalp with your finger nails.

luigi picks his head up and stares deeply into your eyes, noticing speckles of color he's never noticed before. I'll never get tired of this sight, he thinks.

"I don't deserve you." he breathes out, his voice so deep with honesty.

"shhhh" you whisper, pushing his head back down onto your chest. your hand returns to massaging his curly hair. he sighs and shuts his eyes, dreaming of you.

MASTERLIST - PREV. WORK

!A/N! wrote this bc I wanted to portray him in a slightly better light than creep (lol) but I ended up loving it and now I cant stop having fluffy thoughts about him. send fluffy (or not) requests!

!TAGS!

@strawbrriess @bellobambino @f4nfic-lover @btcowboy @chmpgneprblem @soggysouppp @hereandqueer6540 @poohkie90 @bricapallen16 @miarosalie11 @v1rtualsalvat10n

[loverofwomenswrongs]

TWO, THOUGH

****** Pairing: Billie Eilish x singer!fem!reader Words: 0.8K

****** [So, sabrina carpenter's songs are reader's in this]

Showing her music to people had always been nerve-wracking for Y/n—especially when that person was Billie Eilish. Her girlfriend. A singer. A songwriter. Someone who wrote her own songs with her brother and whose opinion meant everything to Y/n.

Billie had always been honest with her, which she appreciated. But that didn’t make it any less terrifying.

So when Y/n, curled up in bed with Billie, casually mentioned that she wanted to show her some new songs from the album she was working on, Billie lit up instantly.

“Right now?!” she asked, already halfway to pulling Y/n out of bed.

“Baby,” Y/n groaned, laughing as she held onto the blanket. “Can’t you wait at least eight more hours?”

Billie huffed dramatically before snuggling closer into Y/n’s chest. “Alriiiight,” she mumbled. “But first thing in the morning.”

“Anything you want, love.” Y/n kissed the top of her head, and just like that, they drifted into sleep.

—

That’s how they ended up at the studio by 9 a.m. sharp.

Billie, still buzzing with excitement, practically dragged Y/n inside, her eyes gleaming. Meanwhile, Y/n watched her with so much adoration that it made Billie’s cheeks turn pink.

Noticing this, Y/n laughed and leaned in to peck her cheek. “I love making you blush. You look so cute.”

“I’ll show you cute,” Billie huffed, pretending to be offended.

“Oh no, I’m so scared,” Y/n teased, pushing open the door. She barely caught Billie muttering something under her breath—something along the lines of you should be. And if she didn’t have to shake certain thoughts out of her head at that moment, she’d be lying.

Once inside, Billie made herself comfortable on the couch while Y/n set up the session—connecting the speakers, preparing the tracks, and grabbing the wireless keyboard. When everything was ready, she walked over and settled herself between Billie’s legs, leaning back against her chest as Billie wrapped her arms around her waist.

“Ready?” Y/n asked, though her voice betrayed her nerves.

Billie could tell. So instead of answering right away, she kissed Y/n’s shoulder, tightening her grip around her. “Don’t be nervous, baby. I know I’m gonna love them.”

“I know,” Y/n exhaled, tilting her head slightly. “But I always get anxious when showing you my music. I don’t know if it’s because this isn’t exactly your usual style, or if it’s just because I care about your opinion so much… Maybe both? I just—” She sighed. “I just want to make you proud.”

Billie pressed another soft kiss to her skin, then another, knowing it would help ease the tension in Y/n’s shoulders. “I’m already proud of you,” she murmured. “And I’ll always love anything you do.”

Y/n let out a small, relieved breath. “Okay,” she nodded. “So, I have four songs to show you—Juno, Slim Pickings, Good Graces, and Sharpest Tool.”

Billie grinned. “Let’s do it. They already sound amazing.”

—

After about twenty minutes, all the songs had played through. Y/n took a deep breath before turning to face Billie, eager—but also terrified—to hear her thoughts. She had insisted on letting Billie listen to them all in one go, though that hadn’t stopped her girlfriend from making the occasional excited comment:

"Oh, that vocal run—""Babe, these lyrics are insane.""That guitar? Absolutely unreal."

Now, with the final notes fading into silence, Y/n hesitated. She busied herself with playing with Billie’s rings, avoiding direct eye contact. “So… what do you think?”

Billie, however, wasn’t having that. Gently, she took Y/n’s chin between her fingers, tilting her face up until their eyes met.

“I cannot believe you were so nervous to show me these,” she said, shaking her head in disbelief. “They were amazing. You are amazing.”

Y/n’s entire face lit up. “You actually liked them?”

Billie huffed, feigning exasperation. “Yes! How many times do I have to tell you? Like I said before, I love everything you do. Always.” She tucked a strand of hair behind Y/n’s ear. “Wanna know my favorite one?”

“Obviously,” Y/n said, grinning as she shifted back into Billie’s arms, tilting her head slightly to still see those familiar blue eyes.

“Juno,” Billie answered without hesitation.

That caught Y/n off guard. She didn’t know what she had been expecting, but it definitely wasn’t that. “Wait—really? Why?”

Billie smirked, her fingers tracing slow circles on Y/n’s waist. “I mean, I loved all of them. But now you’ve officially put the idea of a mini you in my head, and I’m afraid there’s no going back.”

Y/n’s eyes widened as she let out an amused laugh. “Billie.”

“Give me one. Right now.”

Y/n died laughing, shaking her head at her girlfriend’s ridiculous—and very on-brand—impulsiveness. She decided to play along. “Okay, see, I love that you think that, but for some reason, I don’t think we can exactly make that happen right now.”

“Oh, I know it won’t work,” Billie admitted easily. “But we can still try.”

Before Y/n could protest, Billie was already pressing slow, lingering kisses along her neck, her lips warm and soft. Y/n sighed, instinctively tilting her head to give her more space.

“Yeah,” she murmured, her breath hitching slightly. “That… we can definitely do.”

[prettycalla]

|| venenum paradiso ||

Pairing: Geta/Empress!Reader

Summary: Geta has some very traditional views that are not to your tastes. You decide to put him in his place. (Request fill)

Word count: 4k

Tags and warnings: Smut (not explicitly described, but still obvious!), period-typical sexism, bickering, submissive Geta, no use of Y/N. 18+!! Minors, please do not interact!!

(I wrote a little blurb a while ago and decided to make it in a bigger fic. I had to scrap the original idea because I was getting way too into the lore, and let's be real, we're not here for that, we're here for Geta smut. Also read up a Lot on sexuality in Ancient Rome, and wow, did they have Opinions.)

Masterlist || Join the taglist!

Of all the men you have encountered in your life, your husband is perhaps one of the most frustrating at times.

It is not often that you argue, you are patient enough that you are willing to agree to disagree on many matters. But there are occasions when it feels as though you are on the brink of war with him.

He is stubborn, infuriatingly so, and there are times when it takes everything in your power to hold your tongue.

However, even you, diplomatic and gracious as you are, have your limits.

Geta holds certain views that are...traditional, to say the least. You are not of the same mindset.

It had started over a passing remark. A mere flight of fancy that you had had late one night, as you had laid together in bed. Of being brought to release by your husband's mouth. At worst, you assume he will think nothing of it.

How full of surprises he is.

He is rather quick to remark that he does not believe a man of his rank and status should subject himself to something so...unbecoming.

It is not so much his words, but the manner in which he says them. As if his archaic opinion is fact. How your blood boils. Then, an eerie feeling of calm washes over you. You hum in response, teeth clenched behind a tight smile.

Oh, you are most certainly at war now. And you, you will be the victor, you are certain of it.

He does not notice at first, as on the surface, you are treating him no differently than any other day.

Eventually, it starts to click into place. You will not stay long in his embrace, you shy away from his touch, you turn your head with a tight-lipped smile when he tries to kiss you.

“Wife,” he demands one night as you are readying yourself for bed. “You are angry with me. Why?”

You lay down your hairbrush on the table, turning to face him.

“Whatever has led you to that conclusion?” you ask in turn, in an unassuming tone.

“You have been treating me with disdain for the better part of two days now. I tire of it,” he tells you, with all the grace of a spoiled child.

“Surely you are imagining things,” you say airily.

“Do not insult me,” he spits.

You give him a look of feigned surprise. “As if I would ever do such a thing.”

“You will tell me what I have done,” he insists.

You brush past him on the way to bed, slipping under the covers.

“You will figure it out for yourself,” you reply. “Goodnight.”

You turn your back to him, leaving him to stand there and process your words. It is a while before he joins you. You feel his hand hover near you, but you ignore it under the pretence of sleep. Eventually, he moves away, and you cannot help the smile that creeps onto your face as he lets out an irritated sigh.

His mood only worsens from there. When you wake the next morning, he is already dressed for the day ahead.

"Did you sleep well?" you ask with a yawn.

Geta glares at you with tired eyes, but does not allow himself to fall prey to it, turning his attention to more pressing matters.

"I trust you remember that we are to attend a banquet tonight," he tells you. "I will have you by my side, as my loving wife."

You do not miss the warning that lingers in his words.

“Would you have me any other way?” you ask, the very picture of innocence.

He does not reply, instead reaching across the bed to kiss you before he leaves. You conveniently choose that moment to get up, leaving him to stumble and fall onto the bed as he misses you entirely.

The quiet snarl that escapes him is quite the reward, you must admit. Embarrassed, he storms out, leaving you alone to your morning routine. You smile to yourself. Perhaps you should not be enjoying this as much as you are, but he does make it so easy for you.

You do not see Geta again until early evening, as he is kept busy for much of the day with meetings with senators and patricians. When you arrive at the grand hall, he is already seated and deep in conversation. You cannot help but notice how decadently he is dressed, in robes of the richest reds and golds, adorned with the most beautiful jewellery, and golden laurels sit atop his fiery hair. It is far too much, even for an event such as this, and you bite back a smile. Geta only dresses in such a manner when he is upset. And judging by the look he has now levelled on you, he is furious.

He quickly schools his expression into something more fitting of a loving husband as you draw near, taking the fawning and flattery of the surrounding crowd in your stride as always.

"Wife," he murmurs, with a smile that is reminiscent of a shark.

He takes your hand in his, lifting it to his lips to press a kiss to the back of it.

Your attention wanders as he does so. He attempts to pull you towards him, but you do not budge.

"Come, you will sit by me," he says pleasantly.

You shake your head, slipping your hand from his tight grasp.

"Oh, no, I could not possibly interrupt your conversation," you reply, "Please, you must stay with the senator."

Geta opens his mouth to argue, but you have already turned away. Caracalla has been watching the entire scene unfold before him from across the table with rapt attention, and he grins at you.

"Gentlemen, if you will excuse me," you say politely, with an incline of your head.

You take the seat next to Caracalla, who in turn looks to his brother to find him seething. Never one for subtlety, Caracalla giggles loudly, turning his attention to you.

“My dear sister, whatever has your poor husband done now?” he asks, inelegantly swirling the wine around in his cup before taking a drink.

His voice carries far enough across the table for the guests to glance up curiously. Geta looks as though he wishes for nothing more than to throw himself across the table and strangle his brother.

You smile as you pat Caracalla’s arm in a good-natured manner.

“Now, now. Is it not enough for me to sit by you and enjoy your company?” you ask innocently.

His eyes are on you then, his gaze sharp and scrutinising. A wide smile slowly breaks out across his face.

“Of course,” he replies, almost giddily.

He leans in to you, his voice dropping low enough that only you can hear.

“What games you play,” he whispers slyly.

You laugh then, your eyes drifting to where Geta sits. To a mere bystander, he would look the very image of a man deeply engrossed in political conversation, but you know him better than anyone. He is clutching the cup in his hand with such ferocity that his knuckles have lost all colour, and his jaw twitches from clenching so hard.

You are beginning to feel pity for him. But he must learn.

You are rather quickly distracted once again by Caracalla, who is making quite a spectacle of himself by reaching over people who are trying to eat to acquire food for Dondus. She is perched on his shoulders, her little hands clutching at his messy hair to balance herself.

He unceremoniously falls back into his seat, arranging his spoils in front of him. He lifts a grape up and Dondus greedily snatches it from him, pawing at it before she bites into it.

"Would you like to feed her?" he asks, holding out some walnuts.

"Of course," you reply, taking one and holding it out to the little monkey.

Dondus sniffs at it for a moment, not as familiar with your scent, before she takes it from you.

"What a sweet girl you are," you coo at her.

"Isn't she?" Caracalla agrees proudly, as he scratches under her chin.

The evening continues to pass as pleasantly in Caracalla's company. He regales you with stories, making you laugh until there are tears in your eyes. You have almost forgotten about your husband.

Almost.

As if on cue, Geta rises from his seat.

"Excuse me," he announces to the table. "I must withdraw for the evening. Please, stay and enjoy yourselves."

You watch him leave, his agitation evident in how he holds himself.

Caracalla tilts his head closer to you. "Do you think he has suffered enough?" he asks mischievously.

Not quite, you think to yourself.

It is another hour or so before you retire for the night as well. As you had suspected, Geta has returned to your chambers and is very much awake, pacing back and forth across the length of the room, as he has likely been doing since he returned.

"You finally grace me with your presence, Augusta," he says.

Beyond the public's prying eyes, he only ever calls you by your title when he is angry with you.

"I thought you would be asleep by the time I returned," you reply.

You cross the room to your vanity table, sitting down to begin your nightly routine. Geta drags the chair out to stand in front of you, demanding your attention. You look up at him. He is seething. You, by contrast, are quite unaffected.

"You seem to have forgotten your place," he says through gritted teeth.

He will not be ignored.

You tilt your head with a feigned look of confusion. "And where, exactly, is that?" you ask.

"Wherever I wish it to be," he replies. "If I want you by my side, you will be by my side."

He bends down, hands gripping the arms of the chair tightly as he looms over you. His expression is glowering, his intense eyes made all the more so by the flickering lantern light.

"If I command you, you will obey," he says lowly.

There is a side to Geta that will rear its ugly head when he has been slighted. It craves power and control, and will not rest until both are firmly in its clutches. In the beginning, it was persistent, constant, as he was terrified of allowing you to see him for who he truly is. With time and patience, you were finally able to tame the raging beast, to prove to him that you would not hurt him, that you loved him.

The beast is raging once more, but you are no longer frightened of it. You are more than equipped to put it back in its place.

You merely smile in response. He does not like that. He straightens then, drawing himself up to his full height. His stubborn petulance is almost endearing, if not growing a little tiresome.

“You will kneel for your Emperor,” he commands.

You cross your legs as you look up at him with a serene expression. Even with the advantage of height between the two of you, he looks like a little boy in the midst of a tantrum.

You feel powerful. It is intoxicating.

“If you wish something of me, husband,” you say, “you will ask nicely.”

Geta’s eye twitches at your words, biting the inside of his cheek in irritation.

“I will do no such thing,” he says at last.

“Oh, you will,” you reply, your voice light and airy, as if you are discussing something as mundane as the weather.

You stand up, not bothering to push the chair back, uncaring of the close proximity between the two of you. Your hands slide from the arms of the chair and up along his stomach, his chest - light, teasing - before they fall at your sides once more.

“Because I tire of this discussion, and I am quite certain you have had more than enough of this argument of ours."

You hold his gaze.

“Wouldn’t you agree?” you ask.

Geta laughs, but it is without a trace of humour.

"At last you admit it," he says. "You are angry with me."

You tap your finger to your chin, as if in contemplation.

"What was it that you called me? 'Unbecoming', was it?" you ask.

Geta blanches. Now he remembers, and too late he is.

“Wife-” he starts, but you shake your head to silence him.

“No, I quite understand," you say readily, as if you truly agree with him. "I can only imagine how unbecoming it would be, to have me in such a manner.”

You lean in closer to him, your breath ghosting along his ear. He shivers.

“Beneath you, undressed and unmade, entirely at your mercy and in the throes of pleasure,” you continue.

You let out a pitiful little sigh.

“How…vulgar,” you finish, pulling away from him.

Geta watches you carefully. For once, he is without words. He swallows thickly. His eyes dart to one side for the briefest moment before meeting your gaze once more.

“This is a fool’s errand,” he says through clenched teeth.

It would sound threatening, if the waver in his voice wasn't his undoing.

“Then I am a fool,” you reply simply. “But I am a fool of my convictions.”

You try to brush by him when his hand suddenly lashes out, grabbing your arm. You stop quickly in your tracks, your heart beating at a racing pace. You keep your expression as neutral as you can manage.

“Oh, by all means, you may command me again,” you murmur. “But the victory will not be as sweet, I assure you.”

You have him there. Gently, you pluck at his fingers. To your surprise, he lets go as easily as that. For a moment, you watch each other, as if neither of you can dare to look away. To show weakness. Time seems to slow.

Geta is the first to break.

“What do you want of me?” he asks.

You pretend to think about it for a moment, before fixing him with a determined stare.

“Kneel," you reply simply.

Geta’s eyes widen, his expression a mixture of exasperation and anger.

“How dare-“

“Kneel, or leave me,” you say, as if he had not spoken. “Those are your choices.”

He opens his mouth again, and you wait for the inevitable chastising for daring to suggest that an Emperor commit such a lowly act that was to come.

But it does not.

Without breaking away from your gaze, Geta slowly sinks to his knees in front of you.

Surely the Gods have called you to them earlier than planned. You were insistent on breaking his resolve, but you had no idea that he would actually listen to you.

You must be dreaming. And what a beautiful dream he makes. His dark eyes are fixed on you; small, shallow breaths falling from his trembling lips.

Truly, he is a sight to behold.

Slowly, you reach out a hand, your touch light as you hook your fingers under his chin.

“Good boy,” you murmur, and the shudder that runs through him at your words will surely stay with you until your last mortal breath.

"What would you have me do?" he asks in a whisper.

You do not answer. Instead you run your thumb gently across his chin, back and forth, back and forth. He is trembling under your touch, you realise with a smile to yourself.

"What was it that you would have had me do?" you ask in turn.

You lean in closer to him, your grip on his chin tightening ever so slightly.

"When you came here, and so crassly asked me to kneel for you," you continue. "What was it that you desired of me?"

You drag your fingertips along the column of Geta's throat. He swallows thickly, and you feel the sensation against your skin.

"I…" he begins to say.

His voice cracks, and he falters.

“I wished to have you as you have me now,” he says at last, his voice rough.

“Go on,” you insist. “What was I to do?”

His tongue darts out to wet his lip. Shame burns at his cheeks. How it amuses you to see him like this.

“Is it not enough that you have humiliated me-” he starts, his temper flaring up once more.

You press a finger to his lips, silencing him.

“I have done no such thing,” you reply. “I have held no sword to your throat, no poison to your lips. I am but a woman before a God.”

You move closer still, your lips dangerously close to brushing against his.

“Though I did not know that Gods could be broken so easily,” you whisper with a wide smile.

You feel him lean in and you quickly pull back. He loses his balance and his hands reach out, pressing against your thighs to steady himself. You step out of his range entirely and he falls on all fours with a snarl.

You are enjoying yourself far too much.

“Please, finish your tale,” you say as you sit down once more.

Geta clenches his fists, but does not move.

“I would…I would have had you undressed. On your knees and entirely at my mercy,” he spits.

“Quite the picture you paint,” you muse. “But I wonder…”

You reach forward, your hands plucking the delicate laurels from atop Geta’s head. You gently twirl them back and forth in your grasp, admiring the craftsmanship of each detail.

Geta looks as though he wishes to squeeze the life from you. He does not move.

Without breaking his gaze, you gently place the laurels on yourself.

“I wonder if it would be as pleasurable as you say,” you finish with a mischievous smile.

You crook your finger in a pedantic manner at him, beckoning him closer to you. To your surprise, he obeys, crawling the short distance between the two of you.

You run your hand gently through his hair. His eyes slip closed at your touch. You drag your hand down to the base of his neck, where your grip suddenly tightens and you wrench his head back. A sharp hiss escapes his throat, but he does not move to stop you.

"You will undress," you tell him. "And you will not keep me waiting."

Geta looks at you with wide eyes, as if wondering where you have been hiding this side of yourself. You are wondering that yourself.

You hold his gaze, looking down the length of your nose at him from where you sit. Unblinking, unwavering. Daring him to defy you. The very image of an Empress.

Geta moves to stand, and you shake your head.

"Surely you can manage from where you sit," you say airily. "I have been witness to you doing so in much worse states."

He starts slow, dropping each piece of jewellery to the floor with a loud clatter, in the hopes of irritating you. You, by contrast, are thoroughly enjoying yourself. Finally, he begins to remove his robes, leaving them in a scattered heap on the floor.

He looks up at you again, feigning an air of disinterest. It does not fool you. The flush that runs from his neck to his chest speaks volumes. You lean forward, running your hands from the curve of his hips up across his torso to his chest, your fingertips skirting just shy of the places he desperately wants you to touch.

"How long do you intend to shame me like this?" he demands of you.

His voice is strained, choked even. He has never looked more beautiful to you than he does now.

"My dear husband," you coo, "You act as though this is torture."

Geta glares at you, and you laugh, a soft breath of a sound.

"You will give me what I want," you tell him, leaning back in your chair. "And we will have no more of this silly argument."

He opens his mouth to speak, when his gaze drifts downwards, to where you have begun dragging your stola up along your legs. You part your thighs, unable to hide the smile on your face at the sight of Geta's mouth dropping open.

"Wife," he manages to whisper, his mouth dry.

"Yes?" you ask innocently. "Whatever is the matter, husband?"

Geta has entirely given up on trying to remain angry with you. You know that look on his face all too well. He is a starving man, and you, you are a banquet laid out for him to indulge in.

You hold out your hands to him, and he tentatively takes them, allowing you to pull him closer. You can feel him trembling against you.

"I will show you what to do," you tell him in a patronising tone. "But you are a quick study, I am certain you will not disappoint me."

You place your hands on his face, nails gently scratching at his skin. He shivers, a soft moan involuntarily escaping him.

"Do not keep me waiting," you warn with a roguish smile.

You presume he will drag things out further, continue to argue, dress himself and storm out in a rage - but he surprises you, rough hands pushing at your thighs to give you exactly what you want from him.

A sharp gasp escapes your lips at the feel of his tongue against you. He is frantic, messy, pathetically inexperienced in his movements. But oh, how filthy he feels against you.

You drag your hands through his hair, gripping hard as you press yourself closer to his mouth. He groans then, and the vibration of it has your eyes rolling back.

You have never felt pleasure quite like it. It vexes you that he has kept an experience such as this from you for so long. All because of something as pitiful as his pride.

As you had suspected, Geta is indeed quick to learn, and he finally finds a rhythm that soon leaves you shaking against him. It's so much, too much all at once, and you try to press your legs closed, but his hands hold firm against you, keeping you open and pliant for him. Gods, how you adore him like this. As wanting and hungry as he has left you.

"That's it," you tell him, a tremor in your voice as your nails scratch at his scalp. "Good boy."

Your words elicit another moan from his pretty throat, and the sound of it, his mouth, his tongue, his desperation, has you falling from the precipice you have been so precariously dangling from. Your climax hits you like a shockwave, leaving you trembling and breathless against him. Geta does not stop, not until you release your grip on him.

He slowly sits up, still kneeling between your legs as he looks up at you. He has the audacity to look pleased with himself, but it is you who has truly won. After all, you were finally able to wear your prideful husband down to seeing how ridiculous he has been, even if he will never admit it.

He runs his tongue across his lips in a crude attempt to clean himself up, his dark eyes almost black with desire. You let out a breathless laugh, allowing yourself to slump into your chair.

"Surely you have something to say to me, do you not?" you ask, propping your chin against your hand.

Geta briefly breaks your gaze, a heavy breath escaping him. This is torment for him, and you know it. Knowing how desperate he is for your touch in this very moment, and here you are, demanding that he tell you that you were right.

How you revel in it.

"Wife," he starts.

It is an attempt to warn you, but he is so choked up in his need for you that it falls flat.

"Husband," you reply with a lazy smile.

"What would you have me say?" he says, words all but catching in his throat as you lean forward to take him in hand, touching precisely where he needs you right now.

"Tell me that I was right," you reply, stroking him in the exact manner that has him arching into your touch.

"You were-" he begins, stumbles, "Gods-"

"Say it," you murmur, "And I will give you exactly what you desire."

"Please," he whispers desperately, placing a hand on your cheek. "Wife, I-"

"Say it," you hiss, your touch teetering just on the edge of too much.

"You were right," he gasps, "You were right, I was wrong, just please, please-"

Never have you seen him in such a state. He is mesmerising, his eyes glassy as he aches for release.

And who are you to deny him, when he begs so prettily?

"Such a good boy you are, Geta," you whisper in his ear, and just like that, the sound of his name falling from your lips in such a sultry tone has him falling apart, unravelling in your grasp.

Geta all but collapses into your arms, a trembling mess.

It takes him a moment to return to himself, shaky little breaths escaping him as you hold him. Eventually, he rights himself, looking up at you. All of his rage, his fury, all of it has been washed away. He kneels before you not as a merciless Emperor, but as a mortal, who has been thoroughly put in his place.

You lightly brush your nose against his, and a small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.

"Well?" you ask. "Have you quite learned your lesson?"

Geta attempts to glare at you, but the fight has truly left him. He places his hands on your face, pressing a soft kiss to your mouth.

"Perhaps...I will reconsider my opinion on the matter," he replies, almost shyly.

It is difficult not to feel smug, you must admit.

After all, you have won.

(banners by @ cafekitsune)

[ros3maryt3a]

Loved your dating hc's!!! They all felt really convincing and in character 💕💕 How do you think the pt (preferably chrollo, uvo, phinks and feitan if thats too many) sleep next to u?? are they cuddlers, kickers, white noise users, midnight bathroom breakers, snorers or whatever else?

Ahhh glad to hear it!! I’ve only really wrote a lot about Chrollo so I was worried the others were OOC-

I’ve only really been thinking of writing for Chrollo, Feitan, Phinks, Shalnark, Machi and Paku but given as you asked for Uvo I’ll add another onto that list! (Small spoiler warning: I love the troupe, but they’re all messy sleepers and I won’t be convinced otherwise!)

Chrollo

He definitely has a night mask, incense and all that to help him doze off. Chrollo is a chronic suffer of predormitional insomnia: his mind runs a million a minute, man is NOT used to sleeping a healthy 8hrs.

You can guarantee if Chrollo falls asleep before you (a very rare event) you’ll find him stiff as a log. He falls asleep in whatever position he’s in and will stay there until he wakes up. Honestly, it’s a wonder he isn’t ridden with all sorts of issues (get him a chiropractor one day.)

On the other 364 days a year when he falls asleep after you, well aren’t you just the perfect little teddy bear! His arms are always wrapped around you tightly.

If you happen to be a light sleeper? You’ll definitely wake up in the middle of the night to his face buried into the crook of your neck; fingers tapping away at your abdomen as his breathing settles, the smell of lavender drowning out any other senses. So definitely a cuddler. (I will die on this hill)

Sometimes he might even pepper your neck with kisses if he notices you’re awake.

If you’re a heavier sleeper? You better get used to waking up in the morning under a vice like grip, a mat of black hair brushing against your cheek and -whether he’s awake or not- you’re not getting out of it

Big spooner, you could be twice the height of him and he’d still demand it.

Not much of a snorer, maybe the few light hitches here and there but overall he’s sound asleep.

Most nights when Chrollo can’t sleep, he’ll sit up with a book in one hand and his other arm wrapped around your sleeping form. Sometimes he’ll doze off and sometimes he’ll only be brought away from his book by your stirring.

On particularly bad nights, where his insomnia truly flairs up, you’ll have to listen to a plethora of podcasts or “soothing sounds” for him to actually sleep. And yes, you’ll have to listen to them. There’s something innately intimate about having you indulge him in his interests: makes it far easier to sleep.

Feitan

You cannot tell if this man is awake or asleep 9/10.

“You sleep. I watch.” Kind of deal, he has many things to preoccupy himself with: like watching you! (In a: ‘someone takes even one step in this general direction, you’ll have a lullaby of screaming to doze off to’ kind of way)

It’s not that he can’t sleep, it’s that he doesn’t want to. Feitan sees sleep as a waste of time, it bleeds days into days and he could be spending that time well, instead of sleeping.

Everytime he wakes up he mentally kicks himself for having made such a waste of time

That’s where you come in! Hope you’re willing to have a human sized cat latched onto you every single night! Big spoon, little spoon, doesn’t matter to him: you’ll wind up with him clinging onto you for dear life regardless.

Despite this fact however, you’ll never know the plethora of times he wakes up in the middle of the night, painstakingly, detaches himself from you and paces around the room feverishly. Muttering about who knows what, head flicking to every angle at even the minutest of sounds. Feitan doesn’t like not being alert: loathes it, so this is his way to regulate the nerves that rest often brings.

Feitan is a very light sleeper, any slight movement may set him off and cause him to completely switch back on (sleep maintenance insomnia hits him hard).

He doesn’t strike me as a snorer but definitely isn’t quiet, sounds like a Guinea pig sometimes. A total teeth chatterer. Seriously, you’ll wake up and hear a light ‘Tch Tch Tch’ from wherever the hell he’s grabbing onto you tonight.

Will not ever wake up in the same position he falls asleep in (not that you’ll ever know that fact, he’s always looking over you long before you’re awake.)

Trust me: you’ll know if Feitan has a bad dream. His claws (yes claws) will be digging into you, his hold on you tightening with a particularly sharp ‘hiss’ of his teeth.

Likelihood is: his sleeping patterns will leave more marks on you than any other activities ever will. But, don’t worry! It shows he cares (I think?).

Phinks

Kicker, oh he is a real kicker.

You’ll wind up waking up off the bed more times than you will on it.

On and off cuddler, there’s very few times that you’ll fall asleep cuddling but by god is it a wild guess as to whether you’ll wake up doing so.

Phinks will fall asleep with his back towards you, teetering off the edge of the bed. And, In the matter of minutes can have one leg half way across the bed, the other swung over the edge, left hand across his face, right on his chest, mouth slack and whole body at a 45* angle.

Other times, you’ll find a knee digging into your back as he’s (very awkwardly) cuddling you from behind.

Surprising the masses (not): he snores. Has a whole box of nose strips to stop this.

Despite all of these, interesting, idiosyncrasies. The few times you fall asleep cuddling: he’s an entirely different sleeper. It’s like he takes a page out of Chrollo’s book and doesn’t move an inch (aside from rolling, he’s a total roller).

The snoring won’t stop though.

Doesn’t need anything to help him sleep, his head hits the pillow and he’s out like a light. Real heavy sleeper as well, you could roll him off the bed with an almighty thud and he’d still be sound sleep. It’s actually fairly endearing.

Will sleep for 6 hours, wake up for 1, roll around for a bit, settle down and then sleep for another 2.

Best pray you’re a heavy sleeper: that’s all the advice I can give you.

Honestly? It’s like sleeping next to a bear, vaguely adorable as much as it has you fearing for you life (and place on the bed).

Uvogin

If Phinks is like sleeping next to a bear, Uvo is a bear hug.

You’ll find your place settled neatly against his chest, as if he’s one of those comically large backpacks (like Johnny’s from Hotel Transylvania). Don’t worry about anything, truly, you’ll be snug as a bug in a hug.

Surprisingly, not a snorer (when sober at least). Often needs noises to fall asleep to though. If there’s not calamity afoot then Uvo tends to get angsty; you may have to deal with the occasional outburst.

So, you often have loud games or shows blaring in the background as he rests his chin on your head. Uvo doesn’t fall asleep easily, meaning there’s very few times that you can turn the noise off before you head to sleep yourself. You best get used to sleeping to the volume of a rock concert! (with his constant screeching he blew his own ear drums)

Invest in earbuds of some kind, it’ll help the both of you.

The LOUDEST snorer when drunk. I mean LOUDEST. Cotton buds line your bathroom cupboards for whenever he drinks, you’ll have to pick out bits of cotton on particularly bad nights.

Absolute hoarder. Whether it be you, a pillow, the duvet, he’ll have it and he isn’t letting it go. It’s honestly quite comforting, his presence isn’t exactly small, so with this hoarding comes a sense of security.

He’s surprisingly gentle as well, it doesn’t feel infantilising, more like you’re something from a heist that he doesn’t want to break.

Can fall asleep anywhere there’s noise. It’s a skill, you’ll find him contorted in a corner just so long as the TV’s humming in the background. Don’t think of moving him, you won’t.

Probably takes a good few trips to the loo during the night. Which, unfortunately for you, given your nightly position: leads to you being woken up every time he does.

Shalnark

Not a fan of cuddles, like at all. Shalnark is quite the squisher when you’re both up and about or even just lounging on the covers, but when it comes to sleeping? He’ll do it, sure, but he won’t be too thrilled most nights. There’s the odd time that he’ll be uncharacteristically for the idea, pulling you close and running off a mile a minute! He doesn’t tend to actually sleep those nights, more ramble on like you’re at some two person sleepover; the sentiment’s there nonetheless.

Despite this fact, he’s very specific with having at least something pressed up against his back -little spooner- and will get agitated if this requirement isn’t met.

Podcasts, lots of podcasts. Shalnark has about ten to twenty playlists that he’ll be sat scrolling through: trying to find the one he wants to sleep to. You’ll never be privy to these of course, he tends to keep a pair of headphones shoved in some drawer.

Oftentimes, before even attempting to sleep, he’ll be scrolling through some forum or busy doing: something. Though, for some reason you don’t remember any of his chronic scrolling…

Bathroom breaker, it’s nothing annoying but you’ll never not notice the shift in weight, as he swings his legs off the bed and heads to the bathroom. He’s always careful not to make too much noise, which winds up causing more in the process.

Has a small assortment of glasses of water that will accumulate through the week, all filled to different volumes. He swears he’ll drink them! He never does. It just ticks that little box of ‘just incase’ and he can’t sleep without it. Same with most other amenities.

Late sleeper, this man will never be up before you. That may be attributed to the fact he never falls asleep before you, but who’s to say!

Machi

The fact you don’t have single beds is both a gift to thank her for and a curse. Machi is a sleep tosser; she tosses a lot.

You tend to sleep on opposite ends of the bed. This is both in part to her overall distaste of sleeping together and the kicking. Oh boy, the kicking.

You know how the immune system can sometimes misinterpret things as threats, causing autoimmune reactions? That Machi when asleep. It’s like a subconscious instinct, a defence mechanism is you will; it’s certainly a good one! It’s just, not always needed. Especially not when you wake up at 4:34am after a particularly sharp jab at your side.

Though, some nights she’s stiff as a board! Not one movement or peep. As if death herself had stole Machi away.

She’s not a particularly picky sleeper, Machi can rest to almost anything. However, there is one thing that seems to expedite the process. Fire - whether the simple crackling singing off in the distance, or the chocking scent of smoke pervading the air. It seems to calm Machi, there’s no foreseeable reason for it. She just, likes fire.

L i g h t sleeper, you can’t count the amount of times she’s jolted awake, swearing she heard something. Windows, doors and anything else that might throw the room into disarray or stir up noise are a must close.

Sleep mutterer. It’s a rare occurrence, but Machi will sometimes have whole conversations with the air. You’re usually both asleep when these conversations take place (there was once that you overheard one to its completion. You’ll never tell her of course).

Pakunoda

Incense galore.

Seriously it’s everywhere.

Pakunoda needs some form of soft scent to lull her to sleep. This often comes in the form of floral scents, but can branch off into other soothing smells. Her particular favourites include cedar and amber.

You wouldn’t describe what you and Pakunoda do as cuddling, per se. She treats you more like a support pillow than anything else. Arms wrapped around you tightly and chin resting upon your head.

Neither of you will be able to move an inch throughout the night. Pakunoda has a very specific pre sleep schedule that she’ll run through every night (including final bathroom breaks, cleaning and small talk) and after that, it’s lights out. It doesn’t matter if you wake up and need something: she’s out cold. You might be able to escape, if you can pry yourself out. But just know: getting back in the same position will prove twice as difficult.

Not a snorer, hell, you can hardly hear her breathing most nights. If it weren’t for the subtle rise and fall of her chest against your back, you’d question if she even was.

Up long before you are, usually has one half of the bed already made (haphazardly as not to disturb you.)

I had a lot of fun doing this one; might return to it for further Troupe members at a later date, so cheers for the ask Anon! (Little irrelevant thing I just want to mention for future reference: if any PT ask includes Hisoka or Illumi please specify as such.)

[jwonsoon]

Enhypen's reactions to you being super talkative when they're tired ⋆.˚ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

☾ a/n: It has been a minute !!! Me and bff have been so so busy since it's our final semester of high school. But I am here to provide for my delusional folk <3 I honestly wrote this on a whim because I've been feeling extra insane lately with all the work I have to do so ignore any stupid mistakes I make in this. I want to post more on here for sure, senior year is coming to a close soon and me and bff are moving into a new university together so hopefully we'll have time for more posts. Okay enough yapping, go read! pairings: enhypen x g/n reader genre: fluff

cw: kissing (nothing crazy dw), ignore grammatical errors!

JUNGWON

He doesn’t care if his life is on the line, the last thing he’s going to do is make you feel rushed when you’re talking about something you’re genuinely interested in. 

He finds you SO cute when you’re mumbling about something that you enjoy !! He gazes at you with his boba eyes nodding along to everything you say 

“Oh my god sorry I’m talking so much” you say to him embarrassed at how comfortable you’ve gotten in his presence and how he’s probably so tired 

He’ll immediately shake his head no and tell you “keep talking i love listening to you” 

Because he’s tired he pulls you into a hug and plays with your hair while you talk. 

His sign that he’s tired is when he gets really touchy. Like he is all of a sudden kissing your forehead and playing with your cheeks which is usually a sign for you to call it a day… 

JAKE

We all know this guy cannot for the life of him control his sleepiness but he loves you so he makes his adjustments

Its a shame but this guy is NOT !!! LISTENING !!! 

He’s cuddling you and you’re yapping away he’s going to nuzzle his face in the crook of your neck and just keep going “mhm, i see” 

You notice that he isn’t listening so you ask a question to throw him off and he responds with “yeah totally” making you chuckle. 

He looks up flustered realizing he just admitted to not paying attention to you. 

“Sorryyyyy!!!!” He pouts leaning to kiss you.

“Im listening I just need a minute” he spends that “minute” sleeping on your arm and then he sits up shaking his head like a puppy trying to wake himself up. 

Claps, sits up, “Okay! talk! I’m up.” 

HEESEUNG

He’s always up fighting his sleep to play video games anyway so he’s the most prepared in situations like these 

If he notices your in a particularly chatty mood and he’s sleepy, he will drag both of you out of bed and make sure you’re sitting up so that he isn’t prone to falling asleep on accident 

You’re talking and talking and he is giving the same exact energy back!! he will laugh and giggle at everything 

When he’s really getting tired he yawns out loud and goes “baby.. im a bit sleepy.. actually no no keep going, just come here” 

He’ll open his arms wide for you to lay on his chest while you talk 

You notice his eyes are closed so you stop and start getting up only for him to pull you back down and say “just stay here, i like listening to your pretty voice” 

SUNGHOON

He is so in love with you. it is PATHETIC! 

He is so sleepy too and looks insanely cuddly so whenever you are talkative you lay facing him and talk his ear off while hugging him 

He is way too in love to tell you that you need to please shut up because he is SO TIRED so instead he kisses you to ease his tiredness away 

“That girl” —kiss “is so” —kiss “annoying” —kiss 

“Hoon stopp” to which he kisses you again, mumbling against your lips “I’m listening baby” 

SUNOO

No matter how tired he is it fades away when hes with you 

You’re always spilling the latest gossip to Sunoo and he eats it up everytime. 

“She actually has something against me” you say to which Sunoo responds “how could anyone hate this cute face” pinching your cheeks 

You brush his hand away and jokingly roll your eyes and thats all it takes for his cuteness aggression to launch through the roof 

He is all of a sudden squeezing you tight going “Why are you so cute you’re just so cute you’re so cute” 

He is literally holding you shaking your shoulders while smiling so big going “No tell me!!! why are you so cute??” 

“Sunoo you’re scaring me” you say to which he responds “Good! I’m pissed off you’re perfect.” 

You guys will literally spend the whole night talking, Sunoo literally forgot that he was tired in your presence 

JAY

He is half asleep walking through the door 

But! that doesn’t stop him from at least pretending to listen to you 

As he’s putting his stuff down you are following him around talking about the ending of the show that you just watched 

Hes humming in response and smiling to himself 

He stops suddenly turns to face you pulling you in for a hug “Baby I’m so tired today i dont know why….” sighing into your arms 

He didn’t want to explicitly say to you please shut up but it was definitely a sign to you to take it down a notch 

He’d look down to kiss you on the lips and say “Let’s talk in bed hm?” 

When you guys are in bed he lets you lay on his chest and he says “Now tell me all about that show you were talking about” 

He will listen to you, or at least try to, but with his fingers playing with your hair you are slowly lulled to sleep.

He'll look at you, smile, kiss your forehead and you will wake up confused as to how he shut you up so quickly.

NI-KI

Riki is definitely a little more honest but thats what you love about him!

“I can see all your teeth babe, what’s got you cheesing?” he says to you as he sits down on the bed 

“I have so much to tell you!” you say to him patting the space beside you for him to come and lay in. 

“And I have so much sleep to catch up on!” He says mockingly as he lays down next to you. You pout to which he kisses you and says “Go on, talk my ear off” 

You start going off on a tangent and he is just looking at you with a boxy smile on his face and laughing at how your facial expressions are so dramatic in comparison to the light hearted story you’re telling 

He stares at you with glistening eyes after his 40th yawn in a row 

“You know you talk too much, right? It’s a good thing you’re cute” he would say pulling you into a hug 

“That’s rude! and I wasn’t don—” you are interrupted by a kiss on the lips 

“I promise to listen all day tomorrow, okay? Let’s sleep now?” He says rubbing circles on your back, with his eyes already closed.

[rottingghosty]

Father I pray to Thou | DP X DC

i’m alive my rotten ghostlings !!! i’ve been working on ch 2 of the cuckoo song fic

i think danny with religious guilt is a beautiful thing #catholicguilthaver …. i dislike this one a lot cause i wrote this while with a 100°F fever. anyway i’ll most likely start posting my prompts on ao3 soon, so if you notice it on ao3 please know its me !!

☁️☁️☁️☁️

The Cathedral in Gotham was beautiful in an eerie way, the way the building was soak in the sins of falsehoods of priests and bishops who believed they did good. Yet the good was never there for they pocketed donations and turned a blind eye to the suffering that Gothamites enduring by living in the cursed city. The way the air was charged with energy from people praying still to whatever God was out there.

Danny settles on a kneeler, hands fiddling with the rosary in his palms. Fingers rubbing against the cool, green rocks of the rosary as Danny takes a deep breath. The incense was sweet and reminded him of the times that the Foleys would take him to church every Sunday. How they’d dress him up in a suit that was too big on him but he never complained because he enjoyed going with them even if it was a bit of a drive to the church— a little thing outside of Amity Park.

His parents would take Jazz and him to church back when they weren’t focused on the portal or ghosts. When he didn’t feel like his parents had reached a level he and Jazz couldn’t even grace upon. This was the first time Danny’s stepped into a church since his death, even as he closes his eyes he can feel the pushes against him. Danny stopped being religious the moment his death occurred, wouldn’t call it a miracle or a blessing from Jesus Christ.

Instead he is a monster, a sinner in the house of God and all that is holy for he is a demon to those who cannot accept him when he was at his worst.

The crunch of boots stepping on rough, broken stone reached his ears.

Danny ignores it for he closes his eyes as he feels for the first bead of his rosary. Thumb digging into the cool, cracked texture. Lips opening as he begins to lowly recite his prayer.

“O My God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee.”

A shift of boots, a creak of wood. There, in the shadows— a figure moves. Quick and steady, inching closer to him. Danny almost wants to laugh but he refrains from doing so because his sins weigh heavily on his shattered soul. That this won’t ease the ache he feels, the disconnection he has with his God but he hopes that even the repentance he feels and is doing will be the soothing balm even temporarily.

“I detest all my sins because of thy just punishment,”

A sickeningly feeling edges along Danny’s orbit, he could feel the words stuttering briefly before he brings himself back to focus. They were beginning to surround him, the curiosity they feel was basically being blared by them that Danny refrain from stopping. The way he wished to crack a joke, running a soothing palm against the wearing, cautious feelings. He wanted to but the deepening presses against his already cracked, aching core brought his attention back to his task.

What feel like hours— reciting the Act of Contrition spanned in a smaller time. His thumb pausing on the larger bead, lips wetting themselves with his tongue as he opens his eyes to tilt his head up to the state of Jesus Christ. A sigh escaping him as he silently mouthed the prayer to Our Father. The feeling of heavy hands on his shoulders lightened as he said the last word.

He didn’t get to go through his entire rosary, only up to the first bead of Our Father but it was enough to soothe the gnawing monster in his body. Feeling the thing chuff and yawning as it curled up to sleep.

He’s an abomination. Something that shouldn’t walk the mortal realm. He’s a demon and he hosts one.

“What’re you doing here at… 3 in the fucking morning?” A person asks, their voice staticky in the way of using a voice modulator. A smile twitches onto Danny’s lips as he wears his rosary and hides it underneath his shirt. The smell of decay heavy, the creaks of boards wanting to collapse. The vision of a grand cathedral fading away to turn into a rundown building with pews thrown about, broken down or even seats ripped the shreds. The scent of the incense gone within a moment.

He could feel the startles of the people around him and he gave a low laugh, pushing himself up from the kneeler even as he knees popped and his spine cracked when he straightened.

“Can’t a guy just pray?” Danny mumbled as he turns away from the stare of Jesus Christ on the cross to turn to the Bat brigade of vigilantes. The ecto contamination on a few members made him curious, especially to the one who wore a red helmet.

“In an abandoned cathedral? Where everything looked fine until it wasn’t.”

“Tt must be a meta with illusionary abilities.”

Danny gave a involuntary snort at hearing the youngest Robin— hidden behind the altar speak, despite the slightest echo from the ruined remains of a holy place that burnt down like Gotham’s weary soul that still kept stubbornly fighting to continue to exist as a city spirit.

“Not a meta. Just something else… something a lot more depressing. Can’t a man indulge himself in his Catholic guilt?”

Red Hood crossed his arms in response, rolling his neck as the bigger man gave a shrug to the big bad Bat himself. “He’s got us there, B. I’ve indulged in my own Catholic guilt myself a few times.”

Danny threw finger guns at Red Hood with a crooked grin— his fang peeking out slightly as Batman frowned in response. The amount of emotions that guy radiated almost wants to give Danny a headache but he’s a stubborn bastard and has to do ‘exposure therapy’ so he doesn’t get sick from overwhelming emotions by people in case he’s attacked with something that heightens someone’s emotions. Or whatever excuse Jazz had given him at the time before shoving him out of the Ghost Zone with a finger wag.

“Who are you?”

Dead. A ghost. A sinner. A monster. Demon. Something to be exorcised. Halfa. King. Weak.

“I’m just a friendly neighborhood ghost.” Danny says, blue mist coming out from his mouth as he looks between Red Hood, Black Bat and Batman. His aura briefly brushing against the youngest Bat’s being. The sickly contaminated ectoplasm lingering on his tongue.

Danny raises his hands as he shakes them in goodbye, feeling himself turn invisible. The ruins of the former holy land creaks and shakes, harsh whispers heard as they grate against Danny’s very essence, his core shaking in protest at being pushed out from a safe space by the Gods he prayed to. Even if it was a brief respite, Danny felt lighter in years.

Below him the Bat brigade curse as they talk into comms to find out where he is but Danny’s long gone. He thinks he managed to avoid them until he bumps into one Jason Todd and Duke Thomas while heading to the church in Crime Alley. The two children of Bruce Wayne. Bruce Wayne who has an adoption problem.

Fuck. He almost wants to scream but Pandora taught him better than that.

[goldenlikedayl1ght]

wrote this on mobile, i fear it’s the only way i can write bc when i go to write on my laptop, i almost throw up. fuck my intro to law class i guess bc i did this instead of paying attention— anyways! brat tamer!matt murdock with a reader who cannot regulate her emotions. yall wanna give matt murdock a controversially young partner? im down, but my version of it is going to be emotionally immature and a little mentally ill. so. enjoy!

18+

brat tamer!matt murdock

-

you raise your hand to smack him in the face—

you just cannot help it.

your emotions swing like a pendulum— somedays you feel nothing, and pray to god that it won’t last forever (it never does, but it always feels like it will). and other days, you feel so intensely you can’t breath.

lately, you and matt have been trying to work on this. he asks you to verbalize the things you’re feeling, to work through them until you reach a more moderate level of emotion.

but you can only do so much— the universe has to work with you here, give you some sort of break.

it just so happens that this asshole is testing your patience.

he’s just some new douchebag who came to work for the firm, and you suspect he won’t last long. but all you asked him to do was email you a file he wrote!

but his response made you want to kill him.

“in a minute. just cause you’re sleeping with the boss doesn’t mean you can order me around.”

you almost yell at him, but then you breath, reminding yourself you can handle this.

but he keeps pushing you. keeps tormenting you.

and when you lose it and almost hit him, suddenly a warm hand wraps around your wrist, his grip like a vice.

“let’s go for a walk.” matt’s voice is soft, but firm. no room for negotiations.

so you turn to leave with him, your anger still bubbling in your stomach.

the asshole you work with smirks.

“daddy’s calling.”

you turn around to try and say—

“you know what, asshole—“

but matt just turns you back, his hand on your arm like you’re guiding him but he is most definitely guiding you, and the way his grip feels, it’s not up to interpretation.

“let’s go for a walk.” he repeats. if you weren’t so pissed, that might’ve been hot.

you and matt walk quietly. the air is thick with tension until he finds his office door. the blinds are already closed, so he just stands in front of the door as you pace, still buried deep in your emotions.

you’re angry. you’re so pissed off—

not only did that asshole torment you, you hate matt for stopping you from hitting him, for cutting into the situation— you had it handled and matt embarrassed you.

you want to yell at him, to scream at him— there’s a childish urge to tell him that he’s not your dad, like some angsty teenager.

guilt and shame washes over you like a storm, as thunder rumbles in the distance.

“whatever you’d like to say, i suggest you say it.”

his nonchalance only angers you more.

“you’re such a—“ you cut yourself off with a frustrated ‘mmm’, clenching your teeth. matt’s noticed this habit of yours, getting so close to telling people how you feel, even if it’s irrotational.. but you never do.

but matt is your better half. he wants you to say what you feel.

“go ahead.”

his encouragement is gentle, and you’re even angrier for it.

“i could’ve handled that!” and when it starts, you can’t stop. “i could’ve fucking handled that, yeah, maybe hitting him wasn’t my brightest idea, but jesus christ! you proved his point! i hate that everyone here thinks i get special treatment because i know how to properly suck you off! i hate that everyone here thinks i didn’t work for everything i have just because you asked me on a date a long time ago!”

you’re not angry that you’re in a relationship with him— he’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to you, but you can’t deny how it complicates your work. and your work is maybe the most important thing in your life— you have worked ridiculously hard for this, you have given blood, sweat, and tears for this. through periods of isolating numbness and deep, dark depression, you have pulled yourself together to get your job done.

so it angers you deeply that some people think you only have what you do because you have a drawer in matt’s dresser.

after a moment of your heavy breathing, you begin to feel the cool numbness poke at your skin.

“anything else?” he wonders.

you bite your tongue.

“everyone thinks you’re gonna fuck me right now. fuck the attitude out of me.”

matt doesn’t respond.

you laugh. it’s angry, it’s bitter.

“that was your plan? to continue to prove them right?”

“no.” matt begins, leaning his cane against one of the windows and beginning to approach you, slowly, like he’s worried about scaring you off. “no, my plan was to not have you hit one of my employees. no matter how much he deserved it.”

because really, if he wasn��t so worried about you hitting him, he would have gotten concerningly close to doing it himself.

“but fucking me, it would’ve been a nice bonus?” you spit, and you realize what you want is to push him, to push him to be as angry as you are.. and you’re not even sure why.

he says your name gently.

“don’t be a brat,” he starts, “i’m trying to help you.”

you roll your eyes, and matt’s eyebrows raise like a warning. you ignore it.

“no, you’re right,” you begin, “here, i’ll play the game—“ and matt inhales deeply, knowing that today will be a long long day. you step closer to him and twist his tie in your fingers. “mr. murdock,” your voice drops to a sarcastically sultry tone, “thanks so much for helping me not punch the fucking idiot who thinks he’s better than everyone else. i so appreciate it, let me make it up to you?”

you watch as his jaw tenses.

“sweetheart—“

“what? am i doing something wrong? to make you upset, mr murdock? angry?”

“i’m not kidding.”

“neither am i,” you say, and matt can practically taste your anger, it seeps out of your pores like sweat, your heart racing. “all i want to do is thank you for making me look like a fucking sugar baby,” rage drips from your words like venom and matt can feel the anger slowly seeping from you and into him.

he tries one more time.

“don’t.” is his simple command. full of authority.

“don’t what?” you ask, leaning in so your lips graze his ear, just barely, “everyone already thinks it. let me thank my big strong old man for coming to my rescue and making me look like a fucking—“

matt’s hand grips your jaw tightly and before you can even realize what he’s done. he squeezes, and he relishes in the sound of your breath hitching.

looks like someone forgot to be scared.

“stop it.” his voice is stern. “i know you’re upset, but—“

you can’t help it. you’ve never known when to shut up when matt’s around.

“upset? i’m fucking pissed—“

matt digs his nails into your skin, and listens to you whimper.

“shh,” he starts, “it’s listening time, sweetheart.” his voice is soft, considering the nasty things he wants to do you right now.

your jaw tenses with anger, but when you don’t say anything back, he continues—

“i know you’re upset.” he repeats, “and i get it. you know i do.” of course you do. he’s the devil for a reason— he’s the fucking king of unregulated emotions. but this isn’t about him. “but you can’t hit people at work. i know you know that. close your eyes.”

“murdock, i swear—“

he squeezes your jaw tighter.

“what did i just say?”

you don’t respond.

“no, go ahead. what did i just say?”

this is embarrassing.. but it’s kind of hot.

“to listen.”

his thumb rubs your jawline affectionately.

“see? i knew you could pay attention. now close your eyes.”

you obey.

“now, breath. in through your nose and out through your mouth.” he commands, beginning to breath deeply with you.

in.

the anger swirls inside of you, getting wrapped up like a cobweb in a broom.

out.

after a few cycles of breathing in and then slowly exhaling, your anger has subsided.. but now you feel bad. and you still feel embarrassed, bratty..

and turned on.

oops.

when he’s satisfied with your steady breathing and even steadier heartbeat, he starts again.

“doesn’t that feel better?”

you want to be childish. you want to tell him to fuck off, to lie and say that no, it doesn’t feel better. hitting that asshole would’ve made you feel better.

matt’s hand squeezes tighter, demanding an answer.

“yeah.” is all you say, because you know how close you dance to fire.

he smirks, relishing in the way you squirm under his touch.

“yeah?” he starts, and leans in, beginning to kiss your neck, his stubble scratching your skin. “i’m sure it does, baby,” and you begin to feel a new sort of warmth— not the fiery anger you’re so accustomed to, and not the cold numbness you despise.

a gentle warmth, like the embers of a dying fire on a cold night. just enough to lure you in, desperate for more.

and matt can tell. he can tell based on the way your fingers curl around his arms, based on the skipping beat of your heart. it brings a smirk to his face.

“yeah, i know,” he says, his lips beginning to travel up your skin to your ear— “you just need someone to take care of you, huh?” his free hand moves to your thigh, squeezing gently before his fingers dip beneath the edge of your skirt, “you just need someone to take care of you, don’t you?” he coos like you’re stupid, and it makes you shudder as his fingers begin to massage your clit over your panties.

you let out a soft whine as he continues to kiss the skin of your neck.

"i'm going to fuck you with my fingers," when you whine, he bites down on your neck, "shh, listen to me, pretty thing," he starts, "i'm going to fuck you with my fingers and make sure you remember who you're dealing with. understand?"

you let out a soft sort of whine, but his fingernails dig into your skin again.

"give me a proper answer or i'll stop."

"yes," you say breathlessly, "i understand," and he leans in to kiss your forehead, uncharacteristically sweet of him in this moment.

"good." he pulls his hand out from under your skirt and slips two fingers between your lips so you can get them wet, but as he does, you hear him mutter-- "fucking brat, always forgetting who you're dealing with."

yeah, you two are a match made in heaven.

or, hell, if that's how you'd prefer to think about it.

[snailpebbles]

Hold You - OP81

pairing: Oscar Piastri x fem! reader

summary: Oscar is bone tired and just wants to hold you close, but still needs to clean himself up. Why not drag you into the shower with him?

tags: Oscar is so clingy, fluff, more fluff, innocent and loving shower fic that we all need

wc: 1.4k

a/n: uhh it's rly late, I wrote this instead of sleeping so it isn't proofread or coherent. lol. SEND ME ASKS OR WTV PLEASE ??

⋅˚₊‧𐙚‧₊🍊˚ 🧡୨♡୧ ⋅🔸˚₊‧꒰ა🟠໒꒱ 🍊‧₊˚

It's been a long day and all Oscar truly wants us to have you close. When he steps into your shared apartment it's like all the stressful events of the day melt off his shoulders, and he bee lines for your comfy form on the couch. You pop your head up out of your blanket cave, a bright smile on your face at the sight of your tired boyfriend sluggishly coming to you.

"Hi handsome." You greet, sitting up straight and pushing your arms out of the blanket mass to get him. He slumps forward with a groan, burying his head into your chest as his arms wiggle around your waist. A chuckle escapes your lips before they press to his brown hair.

After a moment of letting him soak up your presence, his arms tighten around you out of nowhere. Oscar feels the sudden urge to hold you and keep you there, all light blocked out so all he can focus on is you. He smiles into your shirt when you yelp from him suddenly lifting you out of the blankets, his strength making the task easy in a way that warms your face.

"Shower." He mutters into your shirt, not wanting to spend energy on properly speaking when you understand each other well enough already. Thankfully you allow this even though you've already washed and dried your hair, a process that takes far longer than you'd like but hey, you're weak for him.

He flicks the bright lights on, listening carefully as you direct him where to walk since he's still carrying you. Oscar finally sits you down on the bathroom counter, slotted between your thighs as he presses his forehead to yours. He cannot stand a moment away from you, especially not when you look so soft. It makes it difficult to think clearly, the way his shirt hangs off your shoulder and your eyes are clearly growing heavy. Regardless of your tired state you entertain him, something he will always appreciate and feel undeserving of.

You both silently undress the other, boundaries mush at this point in your relationship as the unspoken understanding extends to every instance. His hands are cold against your warm skin, giving you goosebumps. Meanwhile Oscar quietly sighs in relief at the warmth seeping back into his exhausted bones, every part of you managing to relax him. He drops his head in favor of nuzzling into your neck and you wrap your arms around his bare shoulders, tracing a mole on his left. He breathes you in, honey warm and sweet, an intangible scent that he would follow to the ends of the Earth.

Eventually you detach from one another, turning the shower to hot and reattaching while you wait on the old pipes. During this time Oscar clings once more, slim fingers tracing the stretchmarks on your thighs as you trace the ones on his back. It's clear that he knows you and your body, something he's paid more attention to than even the most important races of his left because.. well, what could possibly measure up to someone as lovely as you?

The hot water cascades over you both, relaxing Oscars tense back further as you silently appreciate the groan he gives in response. His hands don't leave your hips, instead anchoring you close like the slightest move will make you disappear. It's a reoccurring nightmare he has had but every morning you're there without fail, brushing his messy bed head into something worse while giggling into his skin about some silly noise he made while sleeping.

As he goes to wash his hair you tut in disapproval, snatching the shampoo from his hands.

"Nuh uh, lean your hand back baby." You instruct, a fond smile growing on his face as he listens to you without a fight. Why would he ever say no to you touching him, especially when you're washing his hair? You're gentle, drawing soft sighs of relief from him as you scratch at his scalp. Few things can compare to this he realizes, the level of comfort you bring him unparalleled. Gently, you wash the shampoo out while mumbling some random song you heard that morning, a common habit of yours that he's grown to love.

"You smell good."

"... We're in the shower, it smells like your shampoo."

"Yum."

Regardless of his bizarre commentary, you still chuckle and continue the process. He makes more odd comments just to hear you laugh or playfully scold him, but then again he'd do anything to hear a singular peep of your voice. Oscars sure he must have a problem or maybe you're addictive, but he knows inside that it's love. He loves you, plain and simple. Being the man he is, he doesn't understand how everyone isn't borderline obsessed with you. Then again, that's his job and he'd be a little a lot upset if someone tried to take it.

"Someone's eager."

"You smell like sweat, oil, and grease."

"You say that as if you don't find it attractive."

"... Shut up or I'll pour soap in your mouth." You mutter, face warming once more since you both know he's right. He does shut up because you will follow through on that soap threat.. he knows from experience.

The smell of your vanilla body wash fills the air as you lather it on the washcloth, gently scrubbing the layers of the day off of his pale skin. Oscar melts into your touch, struggling to even stay upright as all he wants is to have no gap between you two. If he could absorb you, he would (when he admitted that you teased him relentlessly while ignoring the fact that you want the same).

You both bask in the hot water for a little longer even after he's fully clean, pressed close together. In your mind, it's empty. The usual rush of thoughts and things to do have fled to make room for the safety he brings you. Meanwhile, Oscar is bliss, peace, happiness, the whole shebang. He could die right here and have no regrets at all. Except for not kissing you yet. He fixes that soon after with a gentle lingering one that leaves you both buzzing.

Time does have its demands, so you do eventually get out of the shower before you go full prune. He wraps a fluffy towel around and then himself, mumbling an apology for your hair which you brush aside with a soft peck on his cheek. Once you're fully clothed, aka he put on boxers and you put on underwear while stealing another one of his shirts, you curl up into each other in bed.

He holds you close like he's dreamt of all day, pressing his face into your chest with his arms locked around your waist once more. You toss a leg over him, burying your face into his hair and peppering kisses on the top of his head to hear him giggle at the ticklish sensation. It's good and it's right, the cozy feeling that overtakes him nestling into his chest right alongside his perfectly overwhelming love for all things you. There's no other way he wants to sleep; your heart beats right next to his ear, your chest rising and falling while lifting his head with the motion, not to mention the way you hold him like he's the cuddliest thing on Earth (to you, he is). An honorable mention is his face is conveniently resting on your tits. For you, the weight of his arm around your waist and the feeling of his breath brushing your collarbone is enough to reset your nerves to a low hum, something you greatly appreciate. The solidness Oscar brings to you physically is needed and heavily enjoyed, your personal weighted blanket whose constant coldness keeps you from overheating. A perfect balance only further showcasing how well you go together (or maybe you're just delusional and in love).

"g'night." he mumbles out sleepily, kissing your clothed shoulder with his last bit of energy before promptly passing out in your arms. A chuckle slips from you and you whisper an 'I love you' into his soft hair, heart fluttering when he pulls himself from the brink of sleep to yawn 'I love you too'.

[staravyz]

︖﹖ㅤㅤMelatonin

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ❕️ㅤclick4rules—4masterlist

ㅤㅤ🔭ㅤㅤ—ㅤ(Dr. Stone) Ishigami Senku x gn!reader

ㅤ﹑tags ... fluff/small fic/insomniac!reader/sfw/they/them prns used/teacher!reader/3rd person fic/definitely ooc/wrote at 3 am/probably corny/implied r-r-r-r-r-romance.../senku is bad at feelings/i'm bad at writing fanfics/first actual finished fic/partly proofread

ㅤ౨ৎㅤ—ㅤa/n﹕as a tragic victim of insomnia, i would like to present this funny little fic about senku reinventing a melatonin alternative for reader just to find that his company makes for a good enough sleep drug for them ^_^

ㅤi projected my overthinking onto senku way too much here

ㅤOn the makeshift chalkboard with a makeshift chalk—Senku finished drawing out the roadmap for a melatonin drug.

ㅤEven long before the petrification, Y/N was diagnosed with insomnia and occassionally took melatonin when nothing else was cutting it.

ㅤFinding a temporary solution to their insomnia shouldn't have been such a high priority as it was, but Senku wasn't blind. After spending what felt like half of his life with Y/N, he could tell when sleep was becoming a bothersome topic to discuss again.

ㅤIt shouldn't have been as high of a priority, then again—if Senku were to lose his prized science partner to something as trivial as a little bit (a lot) of sleep deprivation, production would significantly slow down. For a reason unbeknownst to the others in the Kingdom of Science, Senku could not afford such a case.

ㅤAnd so, here goes another science project speedrun!

ㅤFirst Task: Obtain valerian root.

—ㅤNo, melatonin cannot actually be reinvented in the Stone Age. Do you have any idea how difficult it would be to figure that out???? Instead, we utilize the traditional medicines made from natural herbs that have similar effects as modern day drugs!

ㅤThe roadmap was... actually short? After being intimidated to death by Senku and Y/N's overcomplicated plans, the Kingdom of Science had collectively developed a fear of the faint mention of a roadmap. This is a miracle.

ㅤSuika raised her hand, as taught by Y/N in her teaching lessons. "What is... ka-no-ko-so..?" she pronouced each syllable of the word, hesitance in her voice.

ㅤJapanese literacy is one of many vital pieces of the modern world that should be brought back to the stone age. Y/N had been in charge of teaching lessons to the village.

ㅤ"Kanokoso, or valeriana fauriei is a plant that makes you sleepy, Suika," Senku briefly explained, skipping the scientific details of why and how. "They aren't really considered common around the area here, but it's easily recognizable and can't be that hard to find. In the meanwhile, Y/N will be resting in the observatory, so—"

ㅤ"Hold on," Kohaku paused. "If Y/N is already sleeping, then what's the point of this?"

ㅤ"They're sleeping in the day like a nocturnal animal," Senku deadpanned, not a hint of apology in his voice as he glanced at the observatory. "And even so, Y/N's abnormal sleeping habits aren't a temporary situation. We should stock up on the valerian root just in case."

ㅤ"Wow, when did you get so nice, Senku?" Chrome teased.

ㅤ"Me? Nice?" Senku responded. "I'm just looking out for the level of productivity in the kingdom. Can't have anybody slacking." He shrugged.

ㅤKohaku and Chrome side-glanced eachother with a look.

ㅤMajority of the people were working on the Perseus, and that should have included Senku and Kohaku especially, but a little sidequest to help bring Mx. Y/N back to the classroom shouldn't damage the development too much. Gen's attempts at hypnotherapy weren't quite working anyway.

ㅤThe small scout team went off to find valerian root in the meadows. The sun was up and shining when they began their search, and it was nearing sunset when they finally found some.

ㅤ"SSSEENKKUUUUU!!!" Kohaku and Chrome rushed towards him, holding light pink flowers in their hands. The petals drifted in the wind.

ㅤSenku didn't particularly care for pretty views. He cared about how light works and how physics is applied in weather, but flowery meadows and a sunset? That's something he would rather pass up to Y/N. He wondered for a moment if they'd been to this place before, and if they would like it.

ㅤ"ARE THESE THIS IT? THEY MATCH YOUR DESCRIPTION PERFECTLY THIS TIME!" Kohaku shoved the roots in his face, eagerly awaiting his answer. Senku examined the plants they had collected. He tossed a few away.

ㅤ"Nope, nope, no—" Senku paused, closely observing the features of one specific plant. "Valerian root. Finally," he smiled at Kohaku, Chrome, and—Suika? "Where's Suika?"

ㅤ"Somewhere over there, I think," Kohaku pointed in the distance, though the sunlight made it annoying to look. "I'll go get her. You guys head back and start making the melontin or whatever."

ㅤChrome singled out the rest of the valerian roots and bunched them up. "This is all we need?"

ㅤ"Should be more than enough. We need to dry up the roots and make some tea. It'll be quick. We can get it done before the moon rises and so does Y/N," Senku explains.

ㅤ"Great! If we have extra, I'll store them in the storehouse for later use."

ㅤThe two walked in silence for a moment, until it became unbearable for Chrome.

ㅤ"So, uh, you and Y/N, huh?" he starts.

ㅤ"Stop talking."

ㅤ"Were you guys close back in your world? I kinda see why you would, I mean—you're both insanely smart."

ㅤ"Yeah."

ㅤ"...Yeah?"

ㅤ"Why are you so interested all of a sudden?"

ㅤChrome scratched his head. "'Yeah' isn't really an answer, Senku."

ㅤSenku sighed. "I've known them for a long time. You should ask them about that, not me. Whatever they say is my answer too." He shrugged. He and Y/N weren't something he took much interest in labeling or defining.

ㅤIt was more or so Y/N who was the interesting one. A person who could keep up with him, a valuable asset, a priority? Unsure. Senku was unsure. He didn’t let trivial things like that bother him, and mostly tried not to let it bother Y/N. Whatever label they wanted to put on it, he was fine with, as long as it wasn't enemies or strangers.

ㅤSenku spotted the observatory nearby, then stared at the valerian root in his hands. Was this indirectly putting a label on it? Did he mind?

ㅤAfter one or two hours in the lab, Chrome ditching Senku to meet Ruri for something, Kohaku leaving to assist the others with the ship, Gen coming by to request more cola and telling him Y/N was awake, Senku had made a batch of dried valerian root, specifically made to be brewed as tea. Assuming Y/N was still back at the observatory, he kept the roots in a sort of tea bag and carried a small cup of hot water up.

ㅤ"Y/N?" he called out, in a quieter voice than he intentioned.

ㅤAlong with a yawn, they called back. "Senku?" They were positioned by the window, a blanket over their shoulders and dark circles under their eyes. "Gen told me you were making drugs."

ㅤ"Heh, not exactly, but sure." Senku sat across from them, placing the cup in between and dropping the tea bag into the water.

ㅤ"Drugged tea?"

ㅤ"It's valerian root. Didn't take that long."

ㅤY/N gave a nod, their delayed processing evident in their face, which Senku smiled at. He was more than happy to elaborate.

ㅤ"For your sleep. Valerian root holds similar properties to melatonin. This is just the first batch, so if you get the bad side effects, we got more for a second attempt."

ㅤY/N's eyes drifted away to the sky. Senku followed their gaze.

ㅤ"Pretty sure everyone's holding some campfire or something near the Perseus construction site. You gonna go?" Senku said, unconsciously trying to read their mind, or maybe he just wanted to talk more.

ㅤ"No, that's okay." Y/N took a sip of the tea. They gagged.

ㅤ"Bitter?" Senku chuckled.

ㅤ"Very." Y/N shivered. "But if it helps me sleep, so be it. I'm so tired." They yawned again. "Shouldn't you get going? I'm sure they'll need you over by the ship."

ㅤ"Ehh, no thanks. I'm exhausted." Senku shrugged, his eyes returned to Y/N, somewhat fixated on them more than usual.

ㅤ"Weird," Y/N muttered. Senku mentally agreed. He did feel weird. Weird about them? Weird about himself? Y/N was better at putting things into comprehendable words. Maybe he should bring it up—

ㅤ"I feel sleepy now. Does the tea work that fast?" Y/N's head was drooping, their voice just above a whisper and laced with fatigue. Oh, that's what they meant by weird. "Thanks for coming, Senku."

ㅤ"Hey, Y/N? Do you think we're close?" he asked, hoping they hadn't fallen asleep just yet. Senku poked their shoulder. Y/N's head leaned on the wall by the window, their hair cascaded over their face. Senku cringed at the way he was thoroughly analyzing the situation. Should he let them sleep or force an answer out of them? Be nice... or get what he wants...

ㅤSenku sighed and sat next to Y/N. He pulled the blanket over them. Does he need to bring it up? They are close, that's nothing but a fact. They've done this before in a different setting. Late nights in his room translating messages from Dr. Xeno into Japanese. Stargazing on grassy hills challenging each other to memorize all 88 constellations. Pulling all nighters for exams because they were so focused on other projects for the entire semester. And this time, there was no particular reason Senku felt the need to stay. There wasn't something to accomplish here besides getting Y/N to sleep. Was it only him thinking about this too much?

ㅤMaybe he'd bring it up later, whatever.

ㅤSenku pulled one knee up to his chest and rested his head in his arms, head towards Y/N's sleeping figure. Their soft breathing filled in the silence. Eventually, Senku reached over to share the blanket and sleep.

©️ staravyzㅤ(¬_¬") do not steal, translate, or repost.

[rosenclaws]

Different Side of the Track || 50's Greaser!Logan smut

summary: All your life your parents had created the perfect image of their daughter that you were forced to fit into but when you went off to college and came back with a degree they were nothing but ashamed. Claimed that it wasn't a ladies place to be educated like that. So why not ruin their good family image even more and sleep with the older hot and mysterious man with a motorcycle.

warnings: MINORS DNI, SMUT, fem!reader, breast play, doggy style, rough sex, dirty talk, unprotected sex, borderline abusive family, sexism, harassment from a group of assholes, violent Logan.

wc: 4.6k

halloween masterlist || join my discord!

a/n: It's my birthday! So to celebrate I wrote this fic because I couldn't get the idea out of my head and god he's hot. Also I didn't really try to do proper 50's talk because I'm lazy and I cannot handle all the research jaldfk;s. This ended up a little angstier than normal, as my fics usually do lol. The ending isn't my favorite but I tried im sorry asdfjkl. Okay anyways I really hope you like it!

You truly hated this town. College was a breath of fresh air and while it wasn’t always easy, it was better than home. You got your degree, proudest day of your life. Even if your parents didn’t show up. Even if you had to smile in the picture by yourself, watching everyone else celebrate with their families. Your parents never understood your want to go to college.

You thought they’d be proud but if anything they were ashamed. They think that a woman pursuing higher education was unladylike. That a woman's place was to stay at home and take care of the kids. They were embarrassed of you, refused to acknowledge any of your achievements.

You wished you could have stayed in your college town but then you got the letter. Your grandmother had passed and you needed to come home. You were heartbroken. Your grandmother was the only one to support you, and helped you when you worked countless hours at the diner to pay for it. She celebrated when the acceptance letter came in and she gave you the biggest hug when you left.

Coming home was a no-brainer, needing to be here for her funeral but now you’re stuck at home with your parents and life is miserable. You were counting down the days until you could get out of here again. You spent as much time as you could out of the house.

Going to work, dreaming of another life. Doing literally anything you could to stay out and away from your parents. That’s how you found yourself here. Taking midnight shifts at the diner to stare at the man sitting at the counter.

Logan. It was sewed onto the patch on his jumpsuit. You don’t even know his last name but you do know that you want to know everything about him. He worked at the mechanic shop right across the street. He was dark, brooding, mysterious. He didn’t talk to anyone. Just ordered one black coffee and sat there with the paper. This was a small town and you had never seen or heard of him before.

“You’ll catch flies if you don’t shut your mouth there pumpkin.” You feel a hand on your jaw and you swat it away. Betty, your coworker was grinning like a madwoman. She was a sweet old lady who has worked at this diner for longer than you’ve been alive.

“Oh hush.” You look down at your order sheet. Sketches of your patrons fill the empty sheets. Mostly drawings of Logan.

“I don’t blame you sweetheart, he’s a dreamboat if I’ve ever seen one.” She sighs dreamily as she looks at him.

“Who is he?”

“Not sure, rolled into town one day. Plenty of rumors, though, say that he was an army guy. Some say that he’s running from the law.” You gasp at the idea.

He couldn’t be a convict could he? You’d never met anyone like that. Though, you feel yourself grow curious instead of fearful. Your whole life you lived in the perfect world. Perfect family with a lot of money and a perfect reputation to uphold. You got the perfect grades, had the perfect friends and still your life felt anything but perfect. You craved something more, needed it. You couldn’t live the rest of your life as someone's housewife. That wasn’t your dream.

“Looks like he needs a refill..” Betty nudges your arm and pushes you forward. You eye the apple pie sitting in the case and steal a slice. No better way to get a man to talk than give him pie right? Clearing your throat you head over and put on a smile.

“Hi Logan.” He looks up from the paper with his usual stony face. A beat passes and he doesn’t speak.

“This is for you, on the house.” You place the pie down in front of him. You shift nervously in your spot as you pour coffee into his cup. He’s never told you his name, does he think you’re a freak or something?

“It’s on your uniform, you know. Your name.” You wince at how horribly awkward this feels. He looks down.

“That supposed to be me?” He grunts out. You tilt your head in confusion before following his gaze. Your guest checks with drawings all over them. Drawings of Logan. You slam your hands down and stuff them in your pocket.

“No! I mean, yes but it’s nothing. Just drawings I. I’m sorry.” Logan just looks at you and you walk off in shame.

Mentally kicking yourself as you sulk back to the kitchen. Betty takes over serving him as you silently wait on the remaining people. By the time your shift is over your back aches and you’re still replaying that moment in your head.

“See you tomorrow Betty!” You say as you put on your coat.

“Hold on dear, this is for you.” She hands you a napkin and winks. Confused, you open it up to see messy handwriting. 

Thanks for the pie doll

-Logan

Logan has come by every night since then. Ordering one black coffee and you sneak him whatever pie is left. Sometimes it’s apple, other days it’s pecan. Today’s pie is pumpkin. Just in time for the fall season. He’s still a man of few words but he’s always polite. Pays and says thank you with that handsome voice of his. You’ve gathered some information on him. Mostly from the town gossip.

The group of boys, greasers who would often come by and cause a ruckus, idolized him. He drove a motorcycle, fixed cars, and smoked like there was no tomorrow. In some weird way he’s become their parental figure. Not that he really gave a shit but he worked with them at the shop and he took care of them when he needed to. He strolled in again today. This time he looks at you and throws you a wink. It’s a little routine the two of you have now. Not much talking but it’s nice. You think you’ll be able to get him to open up soon enough.

“Thanks doll.” Logan says as he sits on the worn stool. You hand him his coffee and pie, already prepared just the way he likes it.

“So, do I get to know your last name yet?” He smirks and takes a sip of his coffee.

“How about you fetch me a napkin first. Then I’ll think about it.” You roll your eyes playfully and he smiles. The door jingles and you hear the sound of obnoxious laughing. You look up to see the jerkiest looking boys you’ve ever seen. They wore letterman jackets that seemed too small and talked too loud.

One of the boys, a blonde guy who seemed vaguely familiar whistles at you. You hold back a scoff as you walk over to their table. They’re looking you up and down with a gaze that makes you shiver. Absolute jerks.

“Hey sweetheart, why don’t you be a good girl and get us some milkshakes.” You clench your jaw as you jot down their order.

It dawns on you that you know exactly who that guy is. David Scott. He was in your high school class. Quarterback, the popular guy every girl in school wanted, and the worst human being you’ve ever met. He was nothing but a no good bully. It seems fitting he’s never truly moved on from this town as he was dumber than a bag of rocks. Logan catches your eyes as you head back to the counter. Preparing their order and trying to tune out their annoyingly loud voices. Before you head back with their order you top off Logan’s coffee.

“You know drinking this much caffeine can’t be good for you.” You say.

“And yet you’re still serving me.” He shoots back. You shrug your shoulders and smile, he’s got you there.

“Hey! You done serving grandpa over there.” Logan growls and his grip tightens on his cup.

“Ignore them, they’re nothing but a bunch of idiots.” You say under your breath. You bring the tray of drink over and set them down.

“Anything else?” You ask through gritted teeth.

“Nope.” David whispers something to his friend before moving his hand and spilling his shake all over you and the floor. His friends burst out laughing and you bend down to clean up the mess. Counting down the seconds until they leave. You’re too focused on cleaning to hear David whisper to his friend.

“Watch this.” You hear the stool fall and suddenly you’re pushed to the ground.

“Get off me!” You turn around and see Logan holding David by the collar of his shirt. Teeth bared and a dangerous look in his eyes.

“Logan!” You scramble to your feet as he shoves David into the booth.

“Think you’re funny bub? You’re lucky she’s here or I’d beat you to a pulp.” He growls, eyeing his friends who are now cowering in fear. You stand stunned as Logan seems to command the room.

“I’ll give you ten seconds to scram or I’ll make good on my promise.” He rolls up the sleeves of his jumpsuit and grins. You’ve never seen a group of boys in so much panic.

“And don’t forget to pay.” Logan says with a smirk. They throw down more than enough money and bolt out the door.

“Thank you, you didn’t have to do that.” You say softly as Logan seems to calm down.

“Fuckin’ idiots.” He shakes his head and gently pushes you away from the mess.

“Broken glass doll, gotta be careful.” Silently the two of you clean up the mess, him scooping up the glass and you cleaning the table.

You watch carefully as he handles the glass, watching to make sure he doesn’t cut himself. You see a piece of glass slice his hand and you hurry to the back to get a band aid. However when you come back the cut is gone, maybe it was just strawberry? The clock strikes 4am and the new waitress comes through the door, relieving you of your duties. He waits for you to clock out and walks you out the door.

“Thank you again Logan.” He just shrugs and lights a cigarette.

“Let me walk you home.” He offers and you accept. The walk is silent as you head to your home. You eye his cigarette and he notices. He holds it out to you and you take it. Taking a puff and immediately coughing it back up. Logan chuckles as he takes it back.

“Never smoked before?” You shake your head and he just smiles. Figures.

You’re much too sweet to have done anything bad. Just looking at the houses around him he knows that you’re as high society as they come. When you reach your house Logan stands on the sidewalk, watching as you walk up the driveway. You look at your door and then turn around to hurry back to Logan. Leaning in you kiss his cheek and he almost drops his cigarette.

“Bye Logan.” You bite your lip as you slowly walk back. As you walk through the door you hear him call to you.

“Howlett, my last name is Howlett.” 

Your sweet night with Logan turned sour the minute you woke up. Your parents were down at the breakfast table. Scowling with disappointed looks on their face. Oh great what else is new.

“You need to quit.” Your dad says and you laugh.

“What?”

“Do you know how embarrassing it is for us to tell people you’re working at a diner? You come home smelling like smoke? It’s insulting the family!” Your mother hisses and you feel tears well up in your eyes. You knew they were cruel but to hear those words from your own mother. It hurt.

“I am an adult, I don’t have to listen to you anymore.”

“As long as you’re living here you do. Now go down and tell them or I will.” Your father stands and stares you down. You feel so fucking helpless. It’s true. You’re stuck here and the money you’ve saved up isn’t enough to get out of here just yet.

You storm out of the house, letting the tears fall once you’re out of their view. The walk to the diner is miserable. You don’t want to quit, you like your job. Tears fall as you tell your manager, apologizing and leaving with your tail tucked between your legs. You hated this. You longed to be free and now you’re trapped at home.

Sitting on a bench outside of the diner you let yourself cry. Not wanting your parents to see any sign of weakness from you.

“Hey, everything okay doll?” You look up and see a blurry Logan from your watery eyes. He’s got grease and oil on his face and suit. Wiping his hands with a rag.  You shake your head and Logan sits next to you.

“My parents made me quit.” He scoffs in disbelief.

Oh Logan knows all about your father. He wasn’t sure until last night but once he saw your house he knew exactly who your family was. Flaunting their money and status to spit on those lower than them. He serviced your fathers car a few times. Adding pointless upgrades. On the bright side he charges him double and your father doesn’t even bat an eye.

“That’s bullshit.” Logan says angrily. You’ve told him about your life. How disrespectful your parents are. How stupid they can be, anyone should be proud of their daughter getting a degree but they think it’s shameful. You’re smart, pretty, a real perfect girl.

“I don’t know what to do.” You say in such a defeated tone.

“You can always spend time at my work, don’t know if it’s the kind of place you’re used to hanging around but-” He gets cut off as you lunge at him. Hugging him tightly as you seek comfort in his arms. He freezes but slowly places his arms around you. Your perfectly crisp and clean dress was now dirty by his hands but you don’t care.

“I owe you so much Logan, you’ve been a real life saver.” You don’t want to let go. He’s toned, even with the jumpsuit over him. He’s strong and his arms are so warm and welcoming.

“Don’t worry about it doll, can’t stand to see a pretty girl like you so upset.” You lean up and kiss his cheek again. He grins as you scoot closer to him. Suddenly he pushes you back. You’re confused until you see your father pulling up next to the diner. Oh god did he see anything?

“You quit?” He asks, glaring at the dirt on your dress.

“Yes. I quit.” You say unhappily but he doesn’t care. He shifts his eyes to Logan.

“What happened there?” He says accusingly, you know your father wouldn’t hesitate to threaten Logan despite Logan being much stronger. It’s the egotistical nature of him.

“She fell, I caught her.” Logan lies so easily. Your father hums and drops it to your relief.

“I need you to look at my car tomorrow, something’s wrong with the brakes.”

“Got it.” Logan says casually and you can see your father roll his eyes. He drives off leaving the two of you on the bench.

“Say, why don’t you come by with your father tomorrow. I’d be happy to show you a few things” Logan offers, a flirty tone to his voice.

He walks off before you can respond, needing to get back to work. You throw the idea around in your head as you head back home. There’s no denying that Logan is hot. Really hot. He’s everything your parents hate. Lower class, older, doesn’t care about their status. It would drive them insane if you started to hang around a guy like him.

Though you don’t want to just use him to get back at your parents. You really do like him. It’s a win win in your head. Smiling to yourself you already start to pick out your outfit for tomorrow.

Ready to cause a little chaos. 

Your father didn’t understand why you wanted to come with him but you gave him so stupid excuse and he bought it. Your father pulled the car in and threw the keys at Logan. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes but Logan does it for you. Despite Logan being much more knowledgeable about cars, your father still talks down to him. It’s rude and classist and you hate it.

“I’d like to stay, you know, make sure nothing goes wrong.” Your father scoffs but leaves you be.

“He’s real lucky I don’t punch his lights out.” Logan mutters as he pops the hood of his car.

“I’m really sorry, you don’t deserve that.” Logan shrugs. He’s used to it by this point.

“Don’t worry your pretty head about me.” He leans over and kisses your cheek.

He wipes off a seat for you to sit on and you watch him work. There’s something about the way he moves that’s just…attractive. His muscles strain in his jumpsuit, sweat drips down his face. And the noises, god the noises. The grunts when he moves something heavy. Then he does the unthinkable. He unzips his jumpsuit, taking off the top half and tying it around his waist. Leaving him in just a white tank top.

Now you really have a show. You don’t know how much time has passed and you don’t care. Slowly the garage empties as people head to lunch until it’s just you and Logan. Logan can feel your eyes on him. In fact he loves it. Your cute face is staring at him like a piece of meat. He can see you shift on the leather stool. He can smell how bad you want him. It’s desperate, almost pathetic how badly you want him. He stands up, making sure to flex his arms as he sets down the wrench. 

“You alright doll, you look a little hot?” Logan feigns concern as he steps closer to you. Placing his hands on the workshop table. Caging you in.

“I’m okay.” You eye his chest shamelessly, eyes traveling down to the bulge in his suit.

“Yeah? I don’t know…” He slowly takes your sweater off. Leaving your arms bare and your cleavage on show for him.

“I’m not sweet doll, not gonna treat you like a good girl.” He growls in your ear and you whimper. Oh you need him bad.

“I’ll break a sweet thing like you, but something tells me you want that.” You grab his face and smash your lips to his. It’s messy and dirty, teeth knocking against each other as you fight for dominance. Logan slips his hands under your dress, lifting you up to the workbench and stepping in between your legs. Your hands are locked in his hair. Tugging hard as he deepens the kiss. He groans into your mouth. His hands rip your dress at the top. You gasp as his lips trail down your neck leaving sloppy wet kisses until he reaches your boobs.

“Fuck.” He squeezes your chest roughly, purring at the feeling of them in his hands.

“So cute.” He says with a wink as he leans down and bites your nipples roughly. He promised he wouldn’t be nice and he meant it. He shamelessly grinds his bulge against your wet panties.

“Dirty girl, letting a no good mechanic touch you like this. What would your daddy say hm?” He taunts as his hands move to slip up your dress. Pulling your panties down and stuffing them in his pocket.

“Who fucking cares?” You spit out as you grind your hips. Soaking his suit with how wet he’s made you.

“Oh, pretty girls got a mouth on her.”

“Just hurry up!” You whine as you slip your hands under his tank top.

Lifting it over his head so you could get the view of his muscular body. He unties his jumpsuit and yanks it down, letting his hard cock free. To your surprise he picks you up and brings you to your dads car.

“Turn around.” He lifts your dress up and bends you over the hood of the car. His hands run across your ass, squeezing and admiring the view as he slowly grinds his cock along it. The tip of his dick slides in and you moan.

“Yeah, feels good doesn’t it doll.” He says cockily as he renders you utterly speechless.

The stretch is unbelievably amazing as he bottoms out. You whine as you feel every vein, every twitch of his cock inside of you. He’s so big. Everything about him is big. His presence, his arms, his cock. He was just big. He barely gives you anytime to adjust before fucking hard into you. Your hands claw for anything to hold onto. The hood of the car is too slippery so Logan just pins your arms behind your back instead.

“Naughty, naughty girl.” Logan huffs as he leans down to bite your ear. His pace is relentless. Pounding the words right out of you.

“Letting me fuck you on your daddies car.” He puff his chest out proudly. He’s tearing you apart on your asshole fathers car. Making you moan his name as he desecrates his car.

“Feels so good Logan. Oh god!” His cock hitting that perfect spot in you every time. Over and over. It’s unrelenting. You involuntarily shift your hips. The pleasure becomes overwhelming.

“Where are you going doll? I’m not done with you yet.” He lets go of your hands and grabs your hips, pulling you back on his cock with a bruising grip.

“Don’t stop, please don’t stop.” You beg wildly as you move your hips back to meet his thrusts.

“Not planning on it.” He tilts his head back in pleasure as he pounds into you. He feels you clenching tightly around him. Your legs are quivering under him. There’s grease smudged all over your body, your face.

You catch a glimpse of yourself in the reflection of the windshield. You’re completely disheveled, hair a mess. Makeup smeared and clothes torn. You look absolutely filthy and you love it. You can see Logan’s abs flexing as he thrusts his hips. His hands run up your sides. Taking you by the shoulders to slam you back on his cock. A weak cry leaves your throat with every thrust. Finally you break. A desperate, strangled moan as your body quakes. Shaking and rocking you right to your core.

“That’s it doll, I’ve got you.” He leans down and nudges his nose into your neck. Kissing softly as his thrusts slow just for a moment. Letting you breathe. You’ve never felt more happy in your life.

Logan kisses the side of your head as his hips grow sloppy. Chasing his release and savoring the feeling of your tight pussy squeezing him. With a loud groan he pulls out and finishes on your ass. Your eyes close as your body feels like it's melting. You can barely stand. Logan wipes you down with a clean rag, loving how fucked you appear to be. 

“I got you.” He gently picks you up and brings you to a bench. Laying his clean jacket over you as you will your legs to stop shaking.

“You alright?” He’s got a devilish grin on his face as he redresses himself. Somehow it’s like he’s back to normal while you’re wrecked.

“Perfect, oh my god you’re amazing.” You lean back into the bench and sigh happily.

“What the hell is going on here?!” You shoot up and see your father storming towards you angrily. You’re a mess and you don’t think Logan can lie his way out of this one. He’s angry. Really angry.

“You are nothing but a disappointment and you have been ever since you were born! A disgrace to the whole family! To the town! Doing such horrible things with the likes of him.” He snarls as he points at Logan. You’re stunned into silence.

“I have the right mind to never let you out of the house again you ungrateful little-”

Logan steps in front of him and he tries to hit Logan right in the face but fails miserably. You gasp as Logan pushes him against his car. You watch as boney claws shoot from his hands. Your father squirms in fear as the tips of his sharp claws grow closer to his neck.

“Shut the fuck up.” Logan growls.

“You’re a real fucking dick and a sorry excuse for a father. If I ever see you come near her again I’ll fucking kill you.” He lets go of your father and watches as he runs away. Yelling about mutant freaks. Logan turns back to you, a cold look settling on his face when he sees your face. Now you know his secret.

“You’re a mutant.” You say in awe. To his shock you reach out for him instead of running away.

“I am.” You admire the claws, how amazing.

“Beautiful.” His mouth gapes open as you pull him closer.

For once someone is looking at him like he’s normal, like he’s not a freak of nature. He longs for this but he knows your dad won’t go down quietly. He’ll tell the whole town.

“Look doll, you’re too good for this town. You’re too good for me.” He brushes your cheek softly.

“I can’t stay here anymore and you need to go home. Pretend you never met me. You’re a smart girl and you have a bright future ahead of you.” Logan takes his hand away and walks away.

“Logan!” You throw off his jacket, you're limping slightly but you refuse to let him go. He’s quick on his feet, already shedding his work clothes for his normal ones. A leather jacket thrown over his tank top. His motorcycle is out back. He’s got a backpack already packed and ready to go. Like he was waiting for this moment to happen.

“Take me with you!” You stand in front of his bike.

“What?” He asks in disbelief.

“Please, I hate this town. I have money saved. I can help but please don’t leave me.” You move closer to him, taking his hand in yours.

“I can’t live like this anymore, Logan. I’d give it all up to be with you”

“I can’t let you do that.”

“It’s not your choice. It’s mine so please, take me with you.” He wants to say no. To leave you here. It would break your heart and his but it’s what's best. But a part of him wants to be selfish. He could protect you, he could take care of you. But he fears you’d regret it eventually.

He’s overthinking and you can tell. You grab his jacket and kiss him gently. He groans as he slips his arms around you.

“Please.” You beg softly.

“I can’t promise you the life you’re used to.” He warns but his resolve is slipping.

“I don’t care.” He sighs and kisses you again. It’s becoming addicting. You’re completely addicting.

“Hop on doll,” He throws his leg over the bike and waits.

You waste no time jumping on behind him. Wrapping your arms around his waist as he revs his motorcycle. You lean into him and smile. He stops so you could say goodbye to Betty and grab a bag of clothes. He waited at the door, a grin on his face as his claws were proudly shown off to your parents.

Then he drives. Away from your horrible family and the horrible town. Your future is uncertain but with Logan, you’re confident things will work out.

He’s all you need. 

[self-made-purgatories]

From the Half-Empty Loveseat to the Cuck Chair: there is definitely a Spirk fight arc in Season 3. Here's the latest development, from The Cloud Minders.

First, a quick recap of the last two episodes:

S3E19: Requiem for Methuselah: Everything goes off the rails in this episode. Kirk fixates on a female Spock surrogate because internalized homophobia, repeatedly rejecting the real Spock and seriously hurting his feelings and their relationship in the process. It turns out the girl is a counterfeit girl in addition to a counterfeit Spock, and so Kirk loses it even further and hurts Spock even worse. Their relationship is in shreds by the end of the episode. I wrote a gigantic post about this episode if you want to know more of my thoughts (and more about the half-empty loveseat).

S3E20: The Way to Eden (the Space Hippies one): Kirk and Spock are definitely still fighting (I posted about this too). They don't touch, don't make eye contact, don't flirt, don't work together, struggle even being in the same room together. Spock goes off and has a thing with a fun flirty space-hippie musician guy in a miniskirt (and honestly, good for them).

And now:

S3E21: The Cloud Minders: Spock and Kirk are back to working together, off on a mission together. Their tone is cool, professional. They keep their own personal space. Their interactions are calm, less awkward than The Way to Eden, but no longer intimate.

At one point they are given a bed to share and Spock takes the cuck chair across the room instead, which is fraught with symbolism. The half-empty loveseat is gone; Spock is sitting alone, leaving no room for Kirk. (Not to mention that he has literally been cucked.) And yet still, still, just as at the end of Requiem for Methuselah, he watches over Kirk as he sleeps.

Most notably in this episode, Spock openly and shamelessly flirts with their host's scantily clad six-packed daughter, both in front of Kirk and in private. Spock's unusual behavior is both to make Kirk jealous and to cockblock him because he really cannot fucking take any more of this bullshit of having to watch Kirk bag another bitch of the week right in front of him. It works; the girl is practically begging Spock to fuck her and never once looks at Kirk. Meanwhile, though, Kirk is attacked by a female disrupter, and he manages to pin her to a bed and flirt with her, but he does keep it in his pants. After a short struggle with the disrupter, Kirk calls for Spock and when he finds the two of them standing alone in the room together, Spock bitterly asks, "Am I... intruding, Captain?" and proceeds to glare at Kirk for most of the conversation that follows.

BUT. Late in the episode, Kirk is in trouble down on the planet's surface. Spock beams up both Kirk and his attacker and jumps into the melee to help Kirk and break up the fight. He grabs Kirk with both hands and pulls him away.

Kirk is out of control, momentarily insane from the effects of the cave gas, and Spock forcefully and desperately reminds Kirk of this by very uncharacteristically, emotionally, illogically shouting it in his face.

Kirk composes himself rather quickly. There are echoes of the turbolift scene where Spock's presence delivers Kirk from a panic attack, although this time it's very brief, and much less like a kiss and much more like a fight. But once again, the moment is rife with sexual tension. (Seems like a good spot to point out that fighting and fucking are very closely connected in the series also.)

This is the first time they have touched since Requiem for Methuselah. They stare deeply into each others eyes for a brief moment. Are they communicating telepathically, as they sometimes do? What are they saying?

Did it feel good to yell at him, Spock? Did it feel good to release some of those emotions? Kirk, do you understand now? Can you fix it? Can you two kiss and make up and move on now?

All of this is underscored by the way Bones just stands there, saying nothing, staring unblinkingly at the two of them this whole time. He knows them better than anyone. I wonder if he is wondering the same things I am.

[not-rigel]

I'm listening

Rating: M

Warning: description of depression, depressive spiral, self loathing, soft sevika, sevika comforts you, sevikas love language is gift giving, words of affirmation is a very close second, I wrote this to cope with my emotions I hope that serves as a BIG WARNING, literally didnt sleep because I was writing this.

WC: 1.4

Darkness embraces you, literally and mentally, while you sit in your room. It's the dead of the night, the worst time for thoughts like the ones crowding your mind to exist. Each horrible thought stacked one atop the other, increasing in cruelty. 

A knock comes at your door and you're ready to pretend you're not home but you hear a familiar voice calling your name. 

“Open up. I got your fancy knife you asked for,” Sevika says on the other side of the door. 

You remember you mentioned wanting a specific knife, and Sevika offered to find it for you. But you didn't expect her to show up at your door in the middle of the night and you certainly didn't want her visit to occur in the middle of a spiral. You'd ask her to leave it by the door but you don't want any of your neighbors to help themselves to your new weapon. 

Shelving your self hatred, you make the exhausting walk to your door and open it for her. Sevika hears your footsteps approach and has the knife held out for you to take. She couldn't wait to give it to you, excited to see your reaction. 

But when you open the door and glance down at the knife in her hand, you don't look delighted. Instead you're indifferent. Sevika suddenly questions if she somehow misremembered which knife she was supposed to get you. 

“Did I get the wrong one?” She turns it over in her hand, checking the engraving on the hilt. She confirms it's the one you wanted. 

“Nothing like that. It's beautiful. I'm just too tired to appreciate it. Haven't been able to sleep tonight,” you half-lie. You gingerly take it from her hand and try to close the door but she holds it open. 

“Wait, I got you something else too,” she digs into her back pocket and pulls out a lighter. “For your candles,” she explains. Months ago she noticed you kept a candle lit inside your home so she brings you a new one whenever she can. A nice lighter felt like a long overdue addition. 

Still, you don't react and it worries Sevika. This can't just be because you're tired. She's been around you enough to know what you're like when you're sleep deprived and this wasn't it. She knows better than to outright ask if you're okay so she tries a different approach. 

“Is there something going on that I don't know about? I can tell you're not just tired,” she pries. 

“Personal shit. Nothing to worry about. Thanks for the knife and lighter. I really do appreciate it.” 

“Can you talk to me about it?” 

“I don't know. You probably won't understand.” You're trying to reject her support but Sevika won't stand for it. 

“Try me,” she urges and for a reason you cannot decipher, you pull your door wider so she can step in, shutting and locking it behind her. She's been in your home several times, walking over to your couch and taking a seat like it's her own. You timidly sit next to her, picking your cuticles and holding a staring contest with the floor. It takes a while for your words to find you. 

“I uh… Just keep having bad thoughts. It starts out small like… I'm not going to get enough sleep in time for work tomorrow then it becomes I'm not good enough at my job because I can't get enough sleep at night and it makes me perform badly. Then it's just… I'm not good enough period because no matter what I do, I'll mess up in some way and I'm just running around aimless. Trying one thing after another like it'll ever work out. All I could think before you showed up was I'm a failure,” you unload a few of your thoughts to Sevika and she listens intently. 

You're a bit caught by surprise when her strong arms wrapped around your shoulders. She gently pulls you across the couch and into her chest. Her right hand cups the back of your neck. 

When she speaks there's only softness in her voice, “I understand. I can't stop you from having those thoughts but I understand. Tell me more,” she soothes, determined to help you through this. She's never heard you speak like this, never heard such harsh words from your mouth. And it killed her inside that they were about yourself. 

You pull back to look up at her. Sevika was usually so stony, expression steeled into a scowl. But all of that roughness was gone. It's too intense and you look back to the floor. 

“I feel ridiculous and repulsive and stupid and worthless and hopeless and empty and like there's no fix for it. It's like I'm remembering every bad memory at once.”

Her hand moved to your chin, tilting your head upwards gently so she could look at you properly.

“I'm going to tell you something, but I need you to look me in the eyes okay?” she asks you, knowing she's asking for a lot at the moment. Even if it's a gesture as small as eye contact. You frown as you fight to pull your gaze from the floor. Sevika watches the struggle heartbroken but she knows you can do it. Eventually, your eyes meet hers and she sighs in relief. 

Her fingers move from your chin to your cheek, holding you to keep your gaze on her, “Listen closely, okay? I need you to not look away. Can you do that? For me?” 

“I'm listening,” you promise, now that you're looking at her you're not able to break from her hypnotic stare. She takes a moment to think of what to say. 

“You’re a good person. Not just a good person, a great person. You don't deserve the blame you give yourself,” she affirms and you listen to every word. You face twitches, lips trying to pull into a frown and brows trying to pinch into a furrow. The words aren't enough to get past the wall but they weaken the foundation. 

“You still listening?” She checks in, making sure you won't shut down. She knows she would try to tune out every word to avoid feeling their weight. 

You nod, eyes welling with tears and sniffling up the snot that drips from your nose. 

“Good. Keep listening,” she continued to hold eye contact with you, “You're smart, you're resourceful, you're good at what you do, you're appreciated, and you're loved.” 

You can't stop the tears now. Sevika avoids lying, feeling like people only lie when they have something to gain and there's nothing she wants from most people. If anything, Sevika felt using the truth is what earns the most. With your tears streaming down your cheeks and falling onto her thumb, she earned the sight of seeing you vulnerable. Sevika has never held something so fragile before. You were so frail, looking up at her with glassy eyes that made her afraid if she moved a finger you would shatter. But when she wiped the tears from your cheek, you remained intact. 

“I- I'm loved?” you heave between cries. Love is a strong word and it's rarely uttered in the Undercity so it's hard to know who really cares about you. You felt guilty for doubting Sevika's words, knowing she's trying her best to comfort you. 

“You're loved by me,” her confession is groundbreaking. Her thumb moved to feel the stream of tears, not wiping them away but allowing them to exist. 

“I never said it but I love you. And I have so many reasons to. Because you're more capable than you believe yourself to be. Because you're resilient. Because you mean the world to me. But mostly because you need love and I need to be the one who gives it to you.” 

Sevika needs to give you everything you need, needs to be the one to hold your face like this every time you cry. Needs to be the one to tell you how beautiful and wonderful you are. She needs to be the one you seek. Be the one to bring you gifts because she can't help but think about you.

“I love you too, Sevika. I'm sorry but … I wish I knew the person you're describing,” you sobbed. 

“No, don't apologize. You are that person, you might not see it that way but you are the person I'm describing. You'll see it one day. I promise. Don't let anyone, not even yourself, convince you that you're any other than the person I'm describing. Are you listening to me?” 

“Yes, I'm listening.”