#and i’ve been adjusting to having this space be more public and viewed which is fine it’s just an adjustment

[littlecreativecorner]

Feedback and Suggestions to Tumblr Changes

Rant that has been coming for a week or two now, extremely expedited by the recent change they made to literally make it look like Twitter. I’m assuming the change stems from this statement they put in their latest Staff post:

"The underlying problem is that Tumblr is not easy to use."

The thing is - nothing is easy to use, the first time. If you've never been on a website, if you've never used a program, a game, an app - the chances are, you are not going to know how to use it easily if you haven't encountered it before. Does that intrinsically make the service you're using bad? No! So what could Tumblr do to help instead? Well. Huge feedback and suggestion dump under the cut, with the LEAST rant-driven comparisons I can muster. I'll be sending this post as feedback myself, but I want it public too.

I'm going to break these down into bullet points with explanations, but keep in mind that I'm just one person, and I'm bound to miss out on plenty of things others might have thought of; this is not the blog to send in feedback or suggestions or other thoughts, it's a one-off long as all fuck post because I'm opinionated. Take the list and run with it, add to it, use it - whatever, but please don't come to me for more takes about this. That being said:

Section 1: Layout

Feedback: New layout

I won’t be the first or the last person to say this: the new layout is basically Twitter. You know this, I know this, the staff knows this. Tumblr…is not Twitter. The obvious pro to this change is that everyone that’s ever used Twitter in their life is going to know where things are, because it looks like a worse version of their (already bad) platform. The cons are…everything else. From this point onward I’m referring to the 19/7 layout as the Twitter layout because it’s simpler, and it’s true. Also I don’t like it.

I don’t want to spend my time here when it looks like this, and frankly, people don’t want to use any social media platforms that are an obvious rip-off of others in looks and function; they are going to use Twitter regardless until it dies. This is why few people have gone to Mastodon and kept using it even if it IS a better alternative to Twitter, and quite similar. It’s the same with games. You want more people to use Tumblr? Make it unique. Keep the old layout, or do adjustments that actually benefit the interface, and double down on the uniqueness of what it can do different, and better, not what it can do the same. Tumblr is a blogging platform; lean in on it. I digress. The Twitter layout dissection below.

Suggestion: Layout (desktop) and interface

I have a wide screen, and my personal experiences are written from that point of view; however, everything I mention here should be tested for ALL screen sizes, to optimize placement and user experience. I’ve gone through the tags to gather some opinions and mellow out my initial reaction of “oof, change bad”, but also I’ve always hated the Twitter layout which is the reason I don’t have one. Shocker.

The layout is cramped to me. It feels squished. Opening one thing overlaps on the other, having to scroll down for basic account functions feels insane to me because that’s where the likes, the drafts, the posts are. It makes me less likely to go through any of the website actual functions because I just can’t see them, and I have to put in extra effort of scrolling around to find them. The general upside of Tumblr for me was the ability to have sideblogs and easily access and edit them, and see posts, and likes, and other blog-specific things.

The Messages, Activity, and TumblrMart tabs still open as pop-up like features. For messages- no issue, there’s no need for it to take up further space. It was like this beforehand, and I didn’t mind it then either. I think that’s fine. Activity and TumblrMart, to me, feel spammy to look at. Personally, opening Activity in a half-tab like the one you get where you report blogs would be ok, because you can actually look through it with less fear of clicking off, but also, I don’t get a lot of notifications so I don’t have a strong opinion one way or the other. I have seen that it covers the dashboard which you might want to be looking at, so frankly, it’s probably best to not have it pop-up there at the very least. TumblrMart…please let it lead to its own site segment. No wonder people aren’t using it. It doesn’t have a clear overview, or options, nor do you feel like you can peacefully look around.

The fact that everything is on the left side sucks from an user standpoint as well because going swiftly from reblogging/liking/refreshing to account/messages/settings is not friendly user interface. This, to me at least, essentially discourages the interaction wanted. I digress. I think it’s a decent idea to separate left and right side and make things in part more accessible, but not like this.

My personal subjective opinion for a new (“more intuitive” interface) and suggestion:

Keep what is currently the account tab on the right, permanently open (likes, following, what’s new, help, shortcuts, log out) OR toggleable, with a toggleable (separate) “blogs” tab under it for privacy on the dashboard lest someone walk by and sneak a glance. Opening the blogs drop-down would by default make your main blog interface open, and side blogs closed; leave the toggleability and options as-is on the Twitter layout, that is fine.

Above this, put back the Home, Explore, Activity, TumblrMart, Domain, and Ad-Free icons. Home, Explore and Activity for usage, make TumblrMart lead to its own distinctive site instead of being a pop-up, and the rest people will eventually click on and know what they are. Potentially you could merge Ad-Free and Domain into one site you can just scroll through instead. Bind this with the search tab in the middle the way that it was, so things don’t stick cramped to the top of the page.

Leave Messages, Inbox and Settings on the left, and instead of “t” write “tumblr.” because there’s lots of empty space up top there otherwise, and it would look less awkward. Drop-down settings especially is a good thing to me because the settings interface was amongst the least intuitive things for new users, and it’s important because it shapes the entire usage of the site, and is one of the first things people go to for customization of their experience. Under this, stick “Check out these blogs” and “Radar”. Or only “Radar”. Workshop it or ask for user opinions.

That’s just one opinion of possibilities of one user, and no one has to agree with me whatsoever, but I’m not going to sit and pretend that things will never change ever even if I don’t want them to. There’s plenty of ground to cover here, but I really shouldn’t be doing the job of the Tumblr board of 200 people who already work there. Regardless, I’m upset, and I don’t want to use Tumblr anymore because of the changes you’re making, and I want to fix the leaks in the roof of my only house, because honestly? I don’t use social media besides Tumblr. I digress.

Feedback: Blogs (layout-adjacent)

I’ve been on this platform for over 10 years and I want to be absolutely clear on something; I hate the simplification of everything with a burning passion. I don’t want to spread misinformation and say that blogs not having their own immediate domain and theme on sign-up saves money, or space, or what-have-you, because I don’t know, but if it’s true then I understand the reasoning for the change. However, I do know that the slow erasure of personal themes makes the entire website bland as all fuck to me. I’m going to separate this in chunks because it’s important to me and I think Tumblr should use this function (as well as chronological non-algorithmical feed) to attract new users instead of trying to be something it isn’t. Is it realistic? Not my job to figure out, nor how to make it work! I’m already making a whole itemized list for a lot of things.

Feedback: Regarding mobile blog layouts:

A good change! I like that it’s simple and sleek and still customizable in a way where you can hide your likes and followings. I also don’t mind that the same settings are retained on the desktop version of your blog to keep consistency. It’s neat! However, I’m not the biggest fan of the desktop version of blogs, and so, regarding desktop layouts:

Suggestion: Make blogs that have a theme open in a new tab when clicked on.

In all honesty, I scroll less on blogs when I’m not on their personalized theme. It’s simply not inviting. It’s fine for one post; sometimes I just want to take a link from the source to pass it on, but when I further click on the blog icon to get to the main page of the blog itself, I wish it led to the actual theme as opposed to the dashboard version. I love looking through others’ posts and blog on their own personalized page, and frankly, it’s the reason I joined and spent so much time on Tumblr. If the theme is Godawful, or difficult to see, there’s always a button in the top right which literally leads to the dashboard version of the blog, on any blog with any theme. When I scroll through the dashboard version of a blog, I last maybe 5 posts at most, don’t like/reblog much, don’t follow, which further just stops the chain of engagement in this platform.

I can agree this isn’t for everyone, and people might not care too much about it. However, it’s like…a few lines of code to implement, and put in settings as a toggleable function. It would keep everyone happy. And make it known to new users.

Section 2: Retaining new users

Now that we’ve determined how nobody wants a rip-off website, and how changes are possible and have potential and don’t have to be bad, and how, certain layout functions are out there that little people know about, we’re going to move on to the statement that Tumblr staff made about not being able to attract and retain new users. I’m going to make a separate post completely that goes in on the topic of engagement (important for a website!), but here I want to focus on the differences in old and new user experiences.

Feedback: User experience for new accounts

I feel like lots of old users aren’t aware that this is what the new sign-up for Tumblr looks like, with all the steps. To Tumblr staff: no wonder people don’t understand anything or stay on the platform, and you think that algorithms are the way to go. Changing the interface to “please” or “attract” new users won’t do much if they still can’t understand and use the core functions of the site. The functions that are actually not badly described on the help page. The functions that make the site worthwhile visiting and being on for what it is.

The steps given after signing up force people to mindlessly click on things, without any understanding, and the interface looks…spammy. There’s no indication on making someone unfamiliar with the culture or layout actually familiar and understanding of it, there’s no explanation, nothing. It’s not inviting and it looks like a hassle, and if people don’t understand this, they will click things randomly, then go to their dashboard and be cranky because they don’t get what’s going on.

Suggestion: Signup and post-signup interface changes, tutorials

On the “What are you into?” page, elaborate on what following “tags and topics you want to see” means; will this show up on the dashboard, will it give you notifications, what? Let people know that they will see everything in a tag from all users, where it will be located, how if they tag an original post it will also be found in the tags, but that tagging reblogs won’t. People don’t know. Teach them as they go along.

Leave a few suggested (popular) tags, potentially a list of currently trending tags. Introduce a search function next to it that allows a quick scroll through whatever tag people might think of, with a sentence or two about how to use search/tags: this both familiarizes people with the difference between the “tagged” and “searched” terms on their dashboard (you could explain this, too!), and gives people the incentive to write whatever they want and follow that instead of one of 20 randomly generated tags that they then have to unfollow. Naturally, add a button saying “no thank you” to this step so that people that know how to use Tumblr don’t have to do any of that while making a new account.

On the “find your people” page, you should straight up explain what following people means and how to find people to follow, given that it’s the core function of the website, no matter how much you try to force the algorithm. The issue with following random people for new users is that they don’t know how to find them after this step, and there is only so far that the “check out these blogs” tab will get you. This ties into engagement, and so, I’ll go into a little more detail later.

Likewise, managing of the “For you”, “Following” etc. is not customizable and removable for new users. Please make this customizable the same way that the old users have it, wherein you can turn off certain tabs. In all genuine honesty, I find all that unnecessary, but I know some newer users might use it (whether it’s because they like it, or they don’t know any better, I can’t say). I think the choice of what the “primary” tab is should be given to the user though.

Regarding the rest of the website functions: You know when you download an app or a game and you have a darkened screen with highlighted points that let you know where is what and point at it, sometimes including pictures? And you read it to get familiar with the interface/controls, and skip it if you just don’t care? Brainstorm on how to make one of those. This solves 99% of your issues with people that want to use the platform and also read. Make it simple, to the point, cover the raw basics, and include an easily accessible link to the other tutorials with screenshots on the help page that I know exist but are horribly hard to find. Which brings me to my next issue…

Suggestion: Make the help and feedback sites easy to access and use.

It’s as simple as putting the words “Help” and “Feedback/support” on the right side under whatever text there was, or under the “suggested blogs” batch, or something. This is literally THE easiest change to make on the old layout and would undoubtedly help a lot of people that don’t understand the platform. Likewise, honestly, the help page with actual tutorials is kinda bad (the tutorials seem ok from what I’ve skimmed though). It’s big and bulky and stretched out and it makes getting to the actual tutorial you might need a little bit of a hassle. I’d suggest to rework that layout over the dashboard layout any day.

And regarding the people that don’t read? Well, first of all, that’s their issue. Secondly, the way new account making works on Tumblr needs to be reworked in a way where doing whatever is necessary while making the account before getting to use the platform needs to be optimized and clearer, with better instructions. The issue isn’t the layout, as much as a fundamental misunderstanding of the platform, which I’ve written about 6 paragraphs of just above.

Section 3: Engagement

With all of that out of the way, let’s get to the meat of the problem. One of the key issues Tumblr seems to have is this:

“To guarantee Tumblr’s continued success, we’ve got to prioritize fostering that seamless connection between people and content. This involves attracting and retaining new users and creators, nurturing their growth, and encouraging frequent engagement with the platform.”

I’d like to go in on this because to me this is the most important facet of why Tumblr is changing things. I urge you, staff specifically, to read this carefully and clearly.

Feedback: Engagement with the platform

A lot of reasoning for changes comes from a lack of engagement with the platform and its contents, and the want to get more users and as a consequence earn more money to keep the site running. I’ve already written about introducing new users to the website interface and culture better, so I’m going to write the following with the assumption that all site features are understood. Platform engagement and features are intertwined, and so this will include both feedback on current features and suggestions for future ones that I think would hopefully help engagement. Because this is about Tumblr changes, it’s only fair we start with the obvious.

Feedback: Make blogs and polls related to changes easier to access.

I’ve gone through a few blogs such as @/changes, @/wip, @/labs and @/staff. First off, most of these aren’t interlinked with each other, and it’s very very annoying. It costs 5 minutes to make a pinned post on each of those blogs that links to the others so people know what to turn to regarding which update/change. Likewise, please stop silencing/refusing blaze/putting mature setting on posts that discuss and complain about changes. This has never gone over well with anyone. You’re alienating your userbase.

Regarding polls about changes that you apparently do on one of your changes blogs: I’ve never seen them, and I’ve never seen any notices about them. If you care about retaining any user base you might still have, you might want to have these more often, and facilitate and encourage discussion and open suggestions. Mostly, just make a notice about the poll last until it is over just like you make the notices about “ask X from Y show!” things. I’d be more than happy to contribute if I actually knew there was a poll happening.

With that out of the way, let’s get to the rest of them.

Feedback: Algorithm and the “for you” page.

Plenty of people have said this before me, and better than me. I want to stress the fact that the “for you” page discourages reblogs, discourages interaction, and above all, discourages new content creators. The new algorithm functions use popular posts (without reblogs, no less!), which further pushes good and popular creators or bloggers, and leaves others in the dust. Making this the default dashboard and search results not only stagnates content, but also alienates creators you oh-so-dearly want to see bloom. I think having it as an option is inevitable in this day and age, but also, I would much rather see emphasis on the chronological, following and self-curating experience, than a trend-chasing one. You need to give people the space to grow if you want to encourage their growth. This space is hard to find when only popular things are pushed upwards.

Feedback: Search and tagged.

We all know the search function is broken in unspeakable ways. Unfortunately most new users a) don’t know that and b) don’t understand the difference between the search and the tags. For the latter, I’ve already suggested things. For the former: fix the search function. And maybe let people pick whether they want to default to search or tag they’re looking for when pressing enter in the search bar? I’m tired of double clicking because I tend to prefer going to tags.

Feedback: Issues with the Tumblr Live function.

Remove it. Few people use it, I doubt that it’s highly moderated, and I’m absolutely certain it’s costing you money more than it should. The fact that a recent Staff Q&A livestream was on it was a slap in the face given that at least a third of the userbase cannot access it given that they are in the EU. If your website function is banned in the EU, you might want to reconsider implementing it. If people want livestreams, they will go to Twitch, or less likely to Instagram. Tumblr doesn’t need this. It won’t make new users come. Market it as a blogging platform that it is, not a livestreaming platform.

Feedback: Issues with spam and bots.

There’s so many porn pots in all tags spamming everything and messaging users, and we all know it’s an issue. Work on removing them from the site more than you work on removing actual real live users that post porn on the site. At least the live users aren’t likely to give you viruses and scam. Related, make new users aware of this issue and urge them to change their icon or at least make an introductory post. If they get blocked for the assumption that they’re a bot, they see less on Tumblr, there is less engagement.

Suggestion: Following, specifically regarding new users.

The reason why “most users see only 25 posts a day” isn’t that they are lacking an algorithm, it’s that they’re lacking people they follow, and the fact that most suggested blogs to follow are ones that create content as opposed to reblogging it, and because creation takes time, well…people don’t get posts on their dashboard. The simplest way I can think to fix this would be to also suggest blogs that reblog based on source content tags they reblog. And because I know some people would rather have their little private corner: make this toggleable based on if their blog is searchable or such.

Alternatively, coin a known tag such as “New user follows” or something, wherein both new users can post asking for people to like if they post about XYZ fandom/topics so they can check the blogs out, and the old users can post a list of topics they talk about, and new users can just follow that way. “Like if you post X” in fandom tags used to be such a common thing, but I don’t think encouraging spam in said tags is a good idea, and so: new highly specific tag, which can also be noted and explained in the sign-up process!

New users don’t know this, but I (for one) find people that reblog things either by going up a chain of reblogs, or just visiting random blogs through reblogged posts of posts I like and content I enjoy. I’m sure every other user out there has their own method of finding new blogs. For this to work though, you need to have people that reblog, which leads to my next point.

Suggestion: Reblogging regarding new users only.

For the new users, it’s confusing to differentiate between a reblog and an original post, especially considering you can tag both. This kind of ties into tutorials that I suggested beforehand, but it should at least be mentioned somewhere, preferably during (or right after) the sign-up process. Granted, this might be mentioned in the help page somewhere, but after this entire manifesto, I don’t have it in me to check.

Suggestion: Encouraging reblogs for both new and old users.

I’m running out of singular brain cell power to one-man brainstorm things for the staff here, and I’m certain people have their own ideas to boot. The only thing I can think of is to give people a boon for a 1-minute crab run or 24-hour badge choice per, like, 1000 posts reblogged, 4 times a month to avoid spam. Either it will be funny or it will be ignored. I don’t have it in me to think about this because the moment I had started reblogging a decent chunk of things on my own blog, Tumblr made the layout change, and now I simply don’t want to.

Suggestion: Change replies to posts.

If there’s any one thing I ever actually wanted on Tumblr that Twitter has, it’s the fact that replies to an original post are threaded. I know this has been asked for plenty of times, but keeps getting delayed. You want to encourage connection and communication? Thread the replies. Please.

Feedback/suggestion: Reblog chains.

Bring back the ability to look at singular reblogs by going through a reblog chain. You're killing the culture of "previous tags". Also this just sucks. And it's harder to find blogs through a reblog chain that way. This suggestion is not eloquent because I'm adding it in as an edit since my brain is literally fried from writing the rest of this.

Likewise, don't condense reblogs. People have said it better than me as well, but that kills the culture of the site, it kills engagement in the way the site is made, and frankly seeing a punchline before the joke isn't going to make anyone reblog anything.

Feedback/suggestion: Advertise the option to have custom themes.

This is primarily meant to attract new users, and is bound to my suggestion of letting blogs open in new tabs. People love custom things and self-expression, and most new users don’t even know that this is an option. I know that the theme shop wasn’t profitable since the themes weren’t all that good; fine. But you can still use this function of the site to attract and keep people. Yes, the dashboard is the same for everyone, but each personalized blog can look however you want it to, and that’s the joy in it.

Suggestion: Accessibility

This goes without saying, and given that I luckily don't have many things that hinder me in using the site, I am not the best person to speak on this. Make gifs toggleable. Let people zoom in on images. Listen to those that need these features to happily use your site if you want them to stay.

Suggestion: More items in shop.

I imagine the reason most people don’t outright buy merch is that items with the name of any kind of internet site aren’t usually “cool”. I understand Tumblr needs money, and there’s only so many silly trends that are always going to be popular to buy. I also understand that a decent chunk of users probably don’t want crabs. The items in the shop are not my job to workshop, but honestly you could ask for userbase suggestions for it to get a feeling for what people want.

A few things that come to mind for me would be: more critters (just change the crab to something else!), more badges that are really just emojis, icon frames for you on the dashboard, self-picker for dashboard colors beyond the basic 12 offered, etc. Cash in on the customization. That being said: listen to your userbase regarding changes, features and functionality of the site, so that they in any way shape or form want to spend money on you in the first place, and so that they’re even there to do so. People won’t want to buy things if you’re actively working against them. There was a post about trust in website changes somewhere which explained it well; if I find the term I will edit it in here. I find it important.

Suggestion: Introduce a function to spoiler text and/or images.

This speaks for itself. The function to put text under a spoiler bar (think: Discord or Reddit) is to me, less necessary on Tumblr than the function to spoiler images. This leads back to the fact that Tumblr is a blogging platform, and you don’t censor things on blogs like that. However, spoilering images would be a good addition, especially given that some people might want to post leaks and/or content they don’t want people to see outright. This also introduces the option to have more suggestive content under a filter if people so choose. But I’ll be straightforward here: we all know what my next (and last) suggestion is going to be.

Suggestion: Bring back porn/mature/explicit content.

I want to preface this with the fact that I frankly don’t care about consuming porn, but I do care about content creators, fandom, and seeing art. And I do understand that Tumblr staff, for every request they have had to bring back porn, said that the issue is with apps and Apple etc. But this also needs pointing out, explicitly:

You want to attract and retain users? Bring back porn. Everyone and their mother knows that some porn is still alive and well on Tumblr, if you know where to look. Everyone but new (and non-) users. It’s a bit of an open secret, but if new users don’t engage with the old users because they don’t know how (issues and resolution suggestions mentioned beforehand), they are never ever going to find out. Let me be absolutely clear: People are not on Twitter because of the layout, or the algorithm. People are on Twitter and other popular platforms because they allow mature content, and so, a lot of content creators they care about are there.

And the issue here is, is that the mature content remaining on Tumblr is either live porn, comes from porn bots, or absolutely censored in like 3 posted art pieces. You want to encourage content creators and retain users? Stop alienating half of them from your platform. A lot of adults enjoy and engage in mature content. I repeat: the issue isn’t in the interface, or the function of the website; the issue is the content, or lack thereof, and fundamental introduction to the functions of the site.

I considered making Twitter JUST for the fact that certain artists were alienated on Tumblr and (shadow)banned for posting suggestive art, or porn art, and moved to Twitter to put their mature content there. It’s not about the layout.

It’s not my job to figure out how to do this. Frankly, I think a step in the right direction would be to enable and un-shadow mature content on desktop first and foremost, while still censoring it on app, especially for people who in their settings do have mature content enabled. Why can I still not see mature posts in the tags and search even though I’ve enabled it? Go from there. Figure it out. But you’re lying to yourself if you think the lack of engagement only stems from the layout and certain functions.

Allow mature content outright. I can guarantee you that this will help with the userbase, considering a majority of it left after mature content was removed, and some tried to “come back” after the false (recent-ish) assumption of it being once again allowed. We all know they went back out the moment it turned out mature content was still banned.

That's it! If you read this far as an user, thanks! I've surely missed out on a lot of things and barely scratched the surface, but this helped get things out of my head, and will hopefully stay in the thoughts of staff. If you're staff: you should have read all of it.

[inkandpen22]

Permanent Chaos (3/?)

Pairing: MGK x Female!Reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: mild swearing, mentions of smut, mentions of underage drinking 

Part Summary: Sam and Y/N are on The Late Late Show to promote The Seasons of Life. 

Masterlist

Before the interview, Nicole practices questions with me so I don’t get blindsided. Meanwhile, Sam and his manager, Steven, practice talking about our upcoming photo shoot for Vanity Fair. Steven is much more laid back than Nicole. Sam is free to do whatever he pleases. The country sees him as an average twenty-something. If he ever messed up he would be forgiven. Nicole emphasizes to me whenever she can that I have no room for error. I must be a saint as “America’s Sweetheart.”

There’s a knock at the door to our dressing room and Steven opens it. A man with a check board and a headset instructs, “Ms. Voss, Mr. Merka you’ll be on in five. If you could follow me.”

“We’ll be right off camera if you need us!” Nicole informs me and Steven agrees with a hum.

“Have fun guys!” he adds.

Sam holds the door for me and the two of us follow the man down the hall into backstage. Sam takes my hand as a precaution, just in case the chaos might separate us. Through double doors, we enter backstage and we’re stopped behind where we’re meant to enter. Loud music begins to echo from the stage and I recognize the song as one of Machine Gun Kelly’s. He’s all the rage now, one of those rockstars that girls fifteen and up obsess over. I don’t have much space left in my mind to obsess with everything going on. As we wait, I bop and sway my head back and forth to the beat absentmindedly.

The man says over his shoulder, “he’s great huh!”

I frowned confused, “wait, is he performing live?”

The man raises an eyebrow as if the answer is obvious. “Yeah, his interview was a few minutes ago. I’m surprised you didn’t cross paths when you got here.” He’s then pulled away by a lady dressed in all black. “I’ll right back! Stay right here!”

I scoff under my breath, the dude treated me like a dingus.

“Well, he was friendly” Sam mutters sarcastically under his breath.

“Right! Geez, he’s what? Only around four years older than you? At least he looked it. My bad for not knowing I’m apparently in the same building as a god!”

Sam snickers but covers his mouth since we’re not allowed to be loud. The song ends and the crowd goes wild on the other side.

“Ladies and gentlemen, Machine Gun Kelly!” The applause goes on and on with James attempting to speak over it into the camera. “After the break, we’ll have the breakout stars from the hottest show of the decade The Seasons of Life, Y/N Voss, and Sam Merka! So don’t go anywhere!”

The audience gets loud at the sound of our names and a shot of adrenaline rushes through me. People rush around backstage to get the music equipment off the set. Sam and I move up against the wall so people can get through. The crew is yelling to make the switch quick. Propping myself up against the wall, I watch the chaos happening. Sam leans against the wall and faces me. I don’t mind the tight quarters though. He acts like a wall, blocking me from the craziness.

“It never gets like this on set,” Sam says, scanning the stage.

“That’s because we don’t film live,” I remind him with a chuckle.

My arms cross over my chest and Sam props his elbow on my shoulder. If this was a photoshoot, this would be a great shot of us. We’re being ourselves, depending on each other as per usual. We’re comfortable with one another. To kill time, I glance around as people move about backstage. My eyes meet a lengthy, bleach blonde, tattoo-covered musician walking off stage. He instantly goes for the guitar case against the far wall in the corner. As if he could feel me looking, his attention snaps away from his guitar and toward me. His focused features gently fall as he stares at me from across the busyness of the show. A chill shoots up my spine and spreads across my face. Instantly, I'm drawn in and can't find the means to look away.

Sam steals my attention when he straightens up in my side view. “We’re on,” he informs me.

I immediately bring to focus and adjust my floral pencil skirt to appear put together.

The man from before leads us up to where he left us last. “Okay, here’s the deal. James will announce your names. There will be cheers, you will walk out together and sit on the couch. The order in which you sit doesn’t matter.” He pauses to press on his headset, “sure, alright, one minute.”

I shift my head to the side and yet again I see them, the same pair of eyes that made me freeze. I quickly snap my attention forward as though I’ve been caught red-handed. He’s not what I had expected. I’ve heard of Machine Gun Kelly, who hasn’t? I’ve seen pictures here and there. I’ve heard a song or two. Never in a million did I ever imagine we would meet eyes and he would make me stop breathing for a second. It was nothing short of groundbreaking. It’s dangerous and immaculate at the same time.

Soon, the noise of the audience dies down to signal the end of the commercial break. Sam and I are told to walk out so we cross through the corridor. Sam leads and reaches his hand back for me to take. I do so mindlessly since it’s what we always do. We wave to the audience and James stands up to greet us. He hugs Sam and they exchange a few words. I keep on waving to the audience and point towards a girl who has a shirt with the show’s title on it. Sam moves over so James and I can say hello.

“Hi, James! How are you?” I greet as we embrace.

“Excellent, how are you, Sweetheart?” He charms.

“Great! Excited to be here!” I gush as I shuffle to the side to settle on the couch beside Sam.

“Thirty seconds!” A man, whom I assume is the producer, announced loudly.

I sit down next to Sam on the light blue velvet couch. He sits back and crosses his arm over the back of the couch behind me then slides it down to rest over my shoulders. I lean into his side, crossing my legs toward him. 

“Five seconds!” James sits down in his black desk chair next to Sam and looks into the camera. He’s given the signal and he lights up. “I’m joined here by the two biggest young stars of the decade, Y/N Voss and Sam Merka!” The audience applauds loudly and I wave to all of them. James turns to us with a bright grin. “First off, how are you two?”

“We’re great, couldn’t be better!” Sam answers with a charming smile. He takes my hand and I rest them on my lap instinctively.

At the start of the series, our management and the show’s team encouraged us to be mildly affectionate in public situations to promote interest in our tv counterparts. Since then, it’s come so naturally to us because as friends we genuinely feel better when we have physical contact when on display. We’re security blankets for one another.

James continues, “you two play the power couple, Hollyn and Elliot, on the hit show The Seasons of Life, better known simply as Seasons. It’s all anyone is talking about lately! Has all the publicity changed your lives at all?”

Nervously, I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear before I speak. “I can’t speak for Sam, but at least for me, I answer with a confident “yes!” The Seasons of Life has changed every aspect of my life. When we first started filming the first season, I was still living in South Carolina. I went to a normal high school and had to travel back and forth between here and there. Back then, no one really knew of me. I was your average teenage girl trying to have the best of both worlds.”

James nods, seemingly fascinated by my response.

Sam smiles in agreement, switching his sight between James and myself. “My story is basically the same except I was in college studying law.”

“That’s right!” James perks up, “There’s a decent age gap between the two of you!”

We glance at each other and nod, both of us grinning.

“Does that make the more romantic scenes between Hollyn and Elliot harder?” James inquires.

“No, not at all” I answer, squeezing Sam’s hand.

“Y/N has always acted with such maturity and grace that she makes it unbelievable easy onset. The eight years feel nearly nonexistent.”

“We haven’t had too many extremely romantic scenes,” I add jokingly, looking fondly at Sam.

He meets my gaze and hums in agreement. “Have to build up that suspense!”

James laughs at Sam’s remark and goes on with his questions. “Last year, during the season finale, Twitter blew up because your characters finally got together! And had that bow-chicka-wow-wow scene,” James wiggles his eyebrows. The audience cheers in excitement. Everyone was over the moon about the scene. “Y/N, what was going through your mind during that scene?”

“Sam, Jonathan, and the rest of the Seasons family never fail to make me feel so secure onset. For that scene, in particular, Jonathan made sure it was just the three of us on set so that space felt relaxed. It was my first time ever filming a sex scene of that magnitude and I was so lucky to have this fella right here to help me,” I gush as I place my hand on Sam’s knee with a pat.

“That’s lovely,” James feeds into the sappiness that the audience eats up. “Was there ever talk of getting a double for you?”

“I told our director, the producers, everyone that only I can do the scene. It didn’t feel right to me to have someone else play Hollyn. Especially for a scene that would have such an impact on the characters involved. The fans had been begging for Elliot and Hollyn to finally get together and I couldn’t pass up being a part of the moment when they finally did. It wouldn’t have been fair to the fans if it wasn’t me playing the role.”

The audience approves of my response with their loud reaction which eases my nerves immensely.

“Absolutely incredible,” James compliments. “I can’t imagine the scene being done without you two. I mean, you two have such chemistry! What were your reactions to watching the infamous final scene? Did you watch it together?!”

Sam and I side-eye one another then burst out laughing because I can recall my exact words. I’m sure he can too.

“This is a question for Y/N,” he points out between laughter.

I hit the back of my hand on his stomach, “why me?!”

“You said!” He chuckles, so he does remember my words.

I get the giggles as James pushes me to answer. I settle down and catch my breath. “Well, I had a watch party at my house with the cast, and right after the scene happened and the show cuts to the dramatic final credits, I yelled “yay! Hollyn finally got laid!”

James hides his face with his cards as he laughs. Laughs of all kinds spread throughout the audience and I can feel my face getting warm. James’s laugh is contagious and I can’t stop.

“You all know how uptight Hollyn could be! Maybe she’ll be a little more laid back!” I add with a shrug and James bursts out laughing.

“You two are absolutely hilarious,” he wipes his watery eyes. “And adorable! Please tell me you’re dating in real life!”

Sam hiss between his teeth and glances at me. “I’m sorry, we’re not…” he answers hesitantly.

“What!” James’s jaw drops, “but you two are so cute together! I mean, you’ve been holding hands the entire time!”

We shake our heads and Sam explains for us both. “Y/N and I are super close. We can see how people would assume we’re dating but in all honesty, we’re just really good friends. Considering, for example, to have done the final scene from last season we kinda have to be. We met when she was just a teenager and I was in graduate school. We’ve seen each other grow. We’ve been around the world together and since our characters are paired together, so are we. Meaning, we’re constantly together and I’m thankful we are because I’m so lucky to have such an amazing partner in all of this.”

“Aw, isn’t he the sweetest!” I pout playfully and rest my head on his shoulder.

“Ugh, can we change the whole “only friends” thing?” James begs. “I ship it!”

The audience agrees and then he moves on to talk about the next season. We say all that can be shared at the time being and we share some pictures from filming yesterday as a teaser for the season.

“Y/N, is that you crying here?” James questions.

The photo on the scene behind us shows the part where I cry because Elliot just told Hollyn she’ll only ever be a rich girl from Los Angeles.

“Yeah, the first episode is filled with drama! Elliot and Hollyn already have a rocky time.”

“No! You’re joking!” He whines, disappointed.

We flip through more photos and answer a few more questions. James says into the camera that when we get back we’ll be playing a game. The game is Who is Most Likely To? Between me and Sam who is more likely to…

After the commercial break, James looks toward the camera with the utmost enthusiasm. “And we are back with Y/N and Sam! I have given each of them a paddle! One side says Y/N and the other reads Sam! Now, the game is Who is Most Likely To? So, between the two of you, who is more likely to “fill in the blank?” We all set?”

“We’re good!” Sam and I say at the same time as if we practiced.

“Alrighty, question number one...” James reads his cards. “Who is most likely to sleep until noon?”

I instantly flip my paddle to myself without a second thought. Sam is such an early bird. The type to get a five-mile jog in by ten. I lean forward and Sam said me as well.

“I’m not gonna deny it. If I could I would stay in bed all day,” I giggle without shame.

“You have stayed in bed all day,” Sam teases and I playfully nudge him in the arm. The whole set finds it humorous.

“Who is most likely to get a tattoo?” James reads with a raised brow.

The audience “ooh’s” in anticipation. I flip my paddle to Sam’s side, never in a million years would I get a tattoo.

“Y/N, you flipped your paddle super fast. Why is that?” James inquires.

“Mhm, nope! There will be no ink on this skin!” I wave my head frantically. “Sam can do whatever he wants with his body but it’s a no for me.”

“We’ve actually talked about tattoos before and I plan on getting one here soon,” Sam describes.

James asks him about what he plans on getting and that conversation goes on a minute or two. Sam explains where he plans on placing the tattoo and when he’ll get it done.

James reads over the card and smirks, “who is most likely to date another celebrity?”

Sam, no doubt. I feel no urge to date, thank you very much.

“Oh! Looks like we got ourselves a mix-up! Sam said Y/N and Y/N said, Sam!” James laughs toward the audience.

“Me?!” I gasp, earning amusement from the audience.

Sam turns his body to face me, “why not?”

“You know, if you two dated this could work itself out,” James points out to get a reaction from the crowd.

“I’m not really looking to date at the moment,” I explain, and James is surprised. I explain further, “the show is important to me and this summer I just want to fun. Plus, my schedule is quite hectic and I would feel bad for dragging someone else into it all.”

He completely understands and asks the final question. “Who is most likely to get married first?”

I flip my board to Sam again. James starts to laugh and I comprehend that it’s the same case as last time. I check Sam’s and I’m right, he said to me.

“Why do you keep putting me?” I fuss playfully.

“Because it’s true! You’re such a little liar to say me!” Sam teases.

“You’re older!” I reason.

“Oh please,” Sam rolls his eyes and leans back into the couch.

“I’ll have to agree with Sam on this one,” James adds and I look to him betrayed.

“Y/N, you’re America’s Sweetheart! Every young guy’s dream girl!”

I hide my face in my hands and shake my head with a giggle.

“Doesn’t mean I’ll be the first to get married! I have no interest in anyone right now!” James and Sam beam as I finish.

“Ah, ah see! You said “right now,” James points at me.

These two are teaming up on me now.

“Thank you so much you two for coming in! It’s been a lot of fun!” James thanks.

“Of course, it was a blast!” I charm.

He stands and so do we. He hugs Sam then me, “you two make me laugh like no others.”

James looks into the camera and wraps up the end of the show. “Thank you, Julia Roberts, Adam Levine, Sam Merka, Y/N Voss, and Machine Gun Kelly for joining me today! Have an excellent night everyone! Until next time!”

The band starts their music. Sam and I dance to the beat and James join in. The produces yells that the show has cut to a commercial.

To hear my name and Machine Gun Kelly’s name mere seconds apart is something I never thought I’d hear.

“Thanks again for coming!” James repeats once the show is over.

“We had fun! Thanks for having us!” Sam compliments.

The duo shares a brief “bro hug” and James embraces me one last time.

Then, Sam and I head backstage to our dressing room. Nicole and Steven should already be back there since I didn’t see them on the set.

“That went well!” Sam mentions while we walk down the hall.

I hum, “totally not getting married first though.”

“Whatever, you’re lying to yourself,” he laughs as he opens the door to the dressing for me.

Nicole and Steven are waiting for us and instantly begin talking about the Vanity Fair shoot tomorrow. It’s never-ending.

____________________________________________________

Masterlist

Tags:  @canyoubuymetoast  @bri-3530 @asil1652 @andstilltryingtofindmyself @nadia2021 @olafsidehoe @mgkobsessed @fairywriting101 @ferrell-cat @naylanae-0308 @tonystarkswife10 @alexsa56 @brocksbabyyy @stormrider505 @magnificenthumancopangel @sarcasticfangirlus @lilramencup95beech @missyviolet123 @skeleton-gxrl @glitterybearllamaflap @margaritaville20 @amoresixx

[akitokihojo]

Stay

Woah, two posts in one day? Yeah... yeeeeeeah. I don't usually post so late, but as I sat here staring at this document, I realized that if I don't post it now, I never will.

Okay, look, this story is extremely personal for me and I want to give a warning about that. If you know me or have been following me for a while, you may have noticed I tend to keep to myself, I'm quiet, and I'm private. But, as most humans, I have things I battle, too. I've been through things, too.

My coping mechanisms are humor and "add to cart." My therapy is writing. I decided to give this a shot. I've gotten personal with older fics before, but it's vague and I sort of lightly mix it in there like food seasonings. "Everything's Okay" and "A Moment" are examples of which. This story is largely based off something real. The emotion behind it is real. Very real.

Now, I will admit, the comfort added isn't. It's something I've realized over the past couple of years that I both crave and deserve. It's something that would help me incredibly, and maybe it's unrealistic, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I want it. So bad. So, I wrote. I made it happen.

I decided to project everything into my comfort otp, so if either Kagome or Inuyasha seem out of character, it's because they are. Sorry about that. It was difficult to keep their characteristics in tact. Particularly, Inuyasha. He's unbelievably soft here.

This is sloppy. I did my best to edit, but like I said, the longer I sat on it, the less likely it was bound to be posted. Just consider it unfiltered emotions if it seems messy, because that's what it's supposed to be.

Some disclaimers that I'll open up about: Yes, all of those negative things have been said to me by a past ex. What Kagome tells Inuyasha is very real for me. Also, replace "abusive father" with "abusive mother" and you've got it. :) I just didn't feel comfortable disrespecting mama higurashi with such slander, so since Kagome's father isn't in the picture, it was simpler.

Okay, I'm done. Thank you. If you read this, thank you. Again.

---

“Come on, Kagome. Show me.” Inuyasha encouraged supportively.

Kagome sighed, adjusting the shorts a bit better around her waist as she stared at herself in the mirror on the inside of the door. She’d comfortably tucked herself away in the walk-in closet of her boyfriend’s bedroom, preferring the space she had and the length of the mirror as opposed to the bathroom that only showed her up to her hips unless she bounced to her tippy toes.

“Houston, we have a problem.” She spoke.

“Define ‘problem.’” Inuyasha proposed. “Because, I realized a long time ago that you and I have two totally different definitions of the word.”

No, this was a definite problem. Unfortunately, it seemed she’d purchased clothing from one of the retailers that didn’t quite grasp that some woman had thicker asses and thighs. The shorts fit, but they hugged her in places she needed a little more room in. God forbid, she sit down. Then, they’d fit her like underwear.

The band was comfortable along her hips, but felt a little better if she pulled it up a smidge toward her waist. But then the underside of her booty cheeks popped out, and that for sure wasn’t something she could sport in public. Or, she could. She just wouldn’t be comfortable doing so. It wasn’t her style. She preferred a hint of more modesty. Not to mention, the shorts were very tight against her lady bits, and that was definitely something she didn’t want her clothing riding up on.

“Babe.”

“Curse these thighs.”

“Oh, see what I mean?” He chimed from the other side of the door. “That’s the exact opposite of a problem.”

“It’s a problem if the shorts don’t fit, Inuyasha.”

“Show me.”

“They don’t fit.”

“Okay, we’ll return them. But, show me first.”

“Why do you want to see them if they don’t fit?” She laughed lightly.

“Why wouldn’t I? Do I have to spell this out to you every time?” Inuyasha asked, making it obvious that he was feigning irritation.

“It doesn’t hurt.”

“Alright, first of all, I know you’re ridiculously critical of yourself. I have a more objective point of view, and therefore that makes my opinion the only valid one here.”

“Hey -“

“I’m not finished. Second, I love seeing you in tight clothing. That’s a given. You don’t have to keep it, and you should always wear things you’re comfortable in, but at least do the right thing and let me see first. I think I deserve that much. Third, and most importantly, ass and thighs. Your ass and thighs.” Inuyasha made a chef’s kiss motion even though she couldn’t see, losing himself in the thought of some of his favorite assets of hers. “You know damn well how much I love them. So, please - please - come out and show me, Kagome.”

Behind the door, she fought her smile, losing so quickly it was as if she hardly stood a chance against it. It wasn’t that she didn’t like her body, but he was right. There were some imperfections that had her self-conscious at times, and he knew without saying when they started dating over five months ago that her thighs were one of them. And, she could tell the half demon she called hers genuinely adored everything she deemed unworthy.

Giving a minor adjustment to make sure the area between her thighs had enough room to breathe, she sighed out any apprehension and opened the door. Inuyasha sat on the edge of the bed waiting, golden eyes instantly on her. He skimmed over the way she’d tucked her shirt into the underside of her bra to keep it out of the way, gazed at her tummy for a small moment, then drifted his sights down to the shorts hugging her snuggly.

He barely blinked, his expression practically blanking, and Kagome’s cheeks went red hot.

“Inuyasha?”

“Shh. I’m concentrating.”

Kagome laughed, turning away from him bashfully.

“Shit, no! I wasn’t ready for that!” He cried, pressing the heels of his hands into his temples as if he were in a panic. Her ass. It looked phenomenal. He wasn’t mentally prepared to see just how plump it looked in those bottoms, and it sent his mind reeling.

“What!?” She gasped, her hands instinctually falling to cover her butt as she spun back to face the way she’d originally been.

“Oh my god.” Inuyasha mewled. “Are you kidding me, Kagome!? Where’s the problem!? Where’s the mother fucking problem!? Because, I don’t see it!”

It was thought to be impossible, but she felt her face flush even hotter. So hot, she wanted to hide it, knowing full and well her embarrassment was visible and prominent. She kind of tucked her head down slightly, hoping the dim lighting in his room would be her ally and shade her blush while she presented her issues with the garment of clothing.

“Well, it’s tight on my thighs. See, when I do this -“ She explained as she lifted her leg slightly as if she was going to take a step forward. The bottom hem of her shorts tightened against her quad, squeezing around the plush before riding up an inch. “It’s not very comfortable. I like a bit of a looser fit. And, then my butt. It’s suffocating. I’m scared one wrong move will make these shorts rip.”

“God forbid.”

“Inuyasha, seriously.” She deadpanned.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m listening. Anything else?” He apologized with a grin, conceding.

“Yes. I can’t sit in these.”

“Why not?”

“Too tight.”

“So, you literally can’t sit?”

“No, I mean I’m sure I can. It’s just not a good idea.”

“Because, they’ll rip?”

“That. Or, they’ll turn into chonies.”

“What?”

“Underwear.”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware you got such versatile clothing. I could have sworn we were nowhere near the lingerie section.”

Kagome laughed through her groan, tossing her head back in minor exasperation due to her boyfriend’s sarcasm. It was going to be hard to describe, and she was sure if she attempted such he’d only throw more jokes her way, so she shut her mouth and decidedly took to demonstrating her vexation. She crossed the floor, hoped for the best, and plopped into a seat right next to Inuyasha. Her thighs fluffed out and her shorts effectively rode all the way up, giving her legs the attention they apparently demanded.

Inuyasha’s eyes were glued to her thighs and the way her clothing wrinkled along her anatomy. He’d had to press his lips into a tight line to prevent their proud and joyful crinkle, but it was so desperately difficult to fend off. Kagome was quick to notice and her brows pinched together, a small pout forming.

“You tricked me.” She murmured. “You wanted me to sit down, didn’t you?”

“I’ll admit, it was a lot easier than I expected it would be.” He said, gently stroking the pads of his fingers over the softness of her legs. “Again, I find it important to remind you that you and I clearly have very different definitions of what a problem is. This… this is not a problem. Not at all.”

“Well, see, I sort of wanted to be able to wear these outside of your apartment.” Kagome giggled, inadvertently melting into his touch. It was so light, it almost tickled, but she felt his warmth radiating from his hand, she felt his attraction, she felt his good-natured and honest feelings toward her body, and it was nothing short of what she both wanted and needed right now.

“I know, I know. We’ll return them and get a larger pair. Still, not a problem.” He grinned, planting his whole palm on her thigh and sliding it inward, shoving it to sit in the heat between. He leaned over and kissed her temple.

“Don’t even think about it.” Kagome hummed, leaning into his tender touch.

“Hm?”

“You’re about to lay down on my thighs, aren’t you?”

“What? I can’t?” The half demon pouted with legitimate shock on his brow.

“The moment you’re down, you’re down. You know damn well you’re not getting up if I let you, and I want to get out of these shorts.”

“But, Kagome -“

“Boy, if you knew exactly how these are constricting certain areas, you’d understand.” She laughed, playfully shoving his hand off of her as she stood. Before walking toward the closet where she’d left her skirt, she turned to face her boyfriend, bending at the waist and pushing his bangs from his forehead to plant a kiss against his skin. “I should get going soon, anyway. It’s getting late.”

“Don’t go, then.” He said, tone gruff as his amber eyes met hers. “Stay with me.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d asked her to stay the night, impromptu. Far from it. Every time, though, caused something in her chest to stir, something in her stomach to flutter, something in her bloodstream to effervesce in both a wonderful and unsettling way - the unsettling part deriding from a different emotion she’d recently noticed planting its roots somewhere inside of her. Inuyasha grabbed her hand, running his thumb over the tops of her fingers while his expression shifted to one of seriousness. No jokes, no funny business, no sarcasm was present any longer.

“I don’t feel like I got all the time I wanted with you. Since we were out and about most of the day, I feel like I had to share parts of you with the world, so now that it’s just you and I, I’m not quite ready to let you go. Will you stay?”

Internally, Kagome was telling herself to keep it together. It was such a small gesture, such a tiny request, but it was always the little things he said to her, like this, the mannerisms he displayed when he was sincere, the way his amber eyes met hers when he waited for her answer that had her feeling unstable. Like, she could cry. Like, she was more afraid than she was thirty seconds ago, or an hour ago, or when she saw his smile earlier this afternoon when they met up, or last night, or when she crashed and burned upon realizing what, exactly, it was she felt for Inuyasha a month ago. She swallowed, forcing herself to show none of that as she made a small smile appear on her face.

“Can I borrow a shirt to sleep in?”

A grin sprouted on Inuyasha’s lips as he kissed the hand he held, standing to cross over to his dresser.

“You want your favorite, or a different one?” He asked, ignoring the twitch his own sensitive ear gave as the wood scraped open.

“Whichever. Can I take a shower?”

“Of course.” He said in a manner that suggested she knew she didn’t have to ask by now. He was well-acquainted with her routine and how she preferred showers before bed as opposed to first thing in the morning. That, and they’d recently gotten her some extra toiletries to store in his bathroom for times she stayed over. He was equipped for her company, and sooner or later, Kagome was bound to learn that she was more than welcome to treat his place as her own. Her scent, her voice, her contagious laughter were all he needed, and if his apartment was filled with it, Inuyasha couldn’t think of anything that would make him happier.

Kagome took the large band tee the hanyou offered with a grateful smile and snagged some boxers from the top drawer he’d just opened with a playful, little scrunch of her nose before ambling over to the closet to pick up her skirt and reach for a towel on the shelf.

Why? Why was her heart thumping uncontrollably? She was so happy. So, so, so content. But, yet a crippling sensation was crawling its way up her esophagus to make home in her throat; to grow large, and dense, and sit there to make it impossible to swallow any longer. Ever since that night a month ago, when she’d hung up the phone after a goodnight call with Inuyasha - who was traveling at the time for work, was beyond tired, spoke to her in that husky tone she was utterly weak for, and who’d called out of mere courtesy to let her know he’d made it to his destination safely - she hadn’t been feeling secure. Not because of him. He hadn’t done anything wrong. In fact, despite their little, bickering spats and his tendency to get a bit jealous over guys she spoke to, he was doing everything right. He wasn’t the one giving her reason to fear. It was her.

It was what she’d been through.

It was something she was so terrified he would turn around and say to her, that it practically debilitated her rational mind.

But, still, the feeling it stemmed from grew and expanded, the tree roots burying themselves in the soil of her heart, and Kagome was positive by now, after thirty days had passed with no decrease but, instead, the exact opposite, that there was no convincing herself that it wasn’t there. Because, every time she saw him smile, every time he held her hand, every time he expressed himself to her, it banged on her walls like an innocent prisoner demanding freedom.

When she was sure her emotions weren’t superficial, when she was positive there was no changing anything on her end, Kagome had to really look within herself to figure out how to maneuver about things. Did she openly tell him? Was there a right time to say these things? She even debated never saying anything at all, and for a good while, she was settled on that option. It wasn’t the right thing to do, though. It was like she was allowing her past, her previous broken heart, to dictate how she expressed affection toward others, and the potential ‘others’ who hadn’t done her wrong didn’t deserve that. Kagome had always been the type to wear her rather large and vulnerable heart on her sleeve. The cage she held it in now, it wasn’t locked. She wanted to put it back where it belonged, but she was so scared, it made her nauseous. The cage door was opened, held cracked from the inside, the weary organ protecting itself behind a barrier that just needed some encouragement to come out from.

Again, she’d wondered to herself countless times: was there a right moment to say something like this? Was there a procedure she needed to follow? She’d said it first last time, and nothing ended in her favor, so maybe she shouldn’t be the one to initiate this topic? Maybe it applied too much pressure? Should she just keep it to herself behind lock and key? Was he going to be receptive? Was it going to scare him away? Please, don’t scare him away. Please, please don’t leave.

And, countless times, she ended up in tears from the crushing weight of it. Kagome knew the truth. She didn’t have to consult anyone to know what the right thing to do was. It didn’t matter how many nights she stared at the ceiling obsessing over right and wrong, this or that, pros and cons, yes and no’s, because in the back of her mind, the answer was right there in big, bold letters. She was just trying to dance around it. It was so stressful. Something that was depicted as a happy and liberating occurrence was reduced to horrifying and anxiety-inducing for her.

The fact of the matter was, no one should have the power to change her heart. More so, Kagome shouldn’t give anyone that power. The way she felt so deeply was, in fact, a good thing. It was. It was. It was a fight just to get herself to understand that again, feeling like she was convincing herself of something she no longer believed, but she knew the only way she would, once more, feel that freedom was to open up. Stop hiding.

The thought was heavy. It didn’t sit comfortably with her. There were certain things Kagome was okay talking about, and there were certain things Kagome would rather eat up, swallow, and take to the grave. But, that was vulnerability, and she understood that if anyone deserved that part of you, it was your partner. Inuyasha was her partner. He was patient. He listened to her about things that made her uneasy, he took into account how she could be both a social butterfly sometimes and introverted during others, how when she was overwhelmed she had a tendency to shut down, how physical touch was her love language, and he even went so far as to ask her how she would prefer he respond to certain predicaments if she were to ever get overstimulated with him around.

Inuyasha had proved time and time again that he not only wanted to experience every side of her, but that he deserved it. He deserved it.

It jostled her to the core as she considered telling him now, her stomach churning, her heart pounding erratically, her bottom lip quivering as she’d learned to expect rejection. It was why she struggled initiating anything. It was why she had trouble saying the words to anyone but herself, “I want.” It was a learned reaction to her past trauma, but Inuyasha, the half dog demon she called hers, the silver-haired man who always did everything he could to make her feel safe while with him, the person who treated her as special as he’d insisted she was, wasn’t the one who’d hurt her. So, she’d decided over a week ago, she was going to do it. She was going to do it and let him know. Best case scenario, it was always nice to hear you’re loved and he may end up appreciating her confession. Worst case, things were going to get awkward and tense and it may end their relationship for good.

Kagome wanted to be Kagome again. Not the person she was before she’d met her ex. Not exactly, at least. She still wanted the lessons she’d learned with him to be applied to who she was. They were valuable, and not everything she learned had her closing off. As an open-minded thinker, she realized that not every wound left a scar, so not everything that happened made her a victim. Some things are just incidents that taught her lessons to take into tomorrow. So, she wanted to return to Kagome, the bright girl who faced her fears, who wore her precious heart on her sleeve, her loved with everything she had no matter what, but who was just a few experiences wiser. But, no one could do that for her. No one could give her that push she needed. It all came from within.

Of course, so did fear. So did nausea. So did that anxious part of her brain that said, “Let’s do it tomorrow, instead. Or, the day after that.”

Kagome took a deep breath, trembling as it may have been, and looked over to her boyfriend. He’d just removed his shirt from over his head, his short, tousled, silver strands appearing slightly messier than before once he was free, and he glanced over his shoulder her way, most likely feeling her eyes on him.

“Inuyasha,” She tried to come off as stable as possible, but there was an obvious waver in her tone that gave her trepidation away.

“Hm?” He hummed, the corners of his lips twitching downward before he dropped his shirt on the floor and faced her better.

“Can I - um…” It was impossible to hold her eyes steady on him, her deep, brown gaze falling to the floor every time she picked them up to look at him. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Okay. I’m all yours.”

Kagome took another breath, willing her body to stop fidgeting. It was Inuyasha. It was just Inuyasha. As soon as she realized there was no stilling her fingers beneath the clothes and towel she held, or the way she bit hard into the inside of her bottom lip, she felt the best course of action was to simply carry on; wavering eye contact, trembling fingers, quivering lips, and all.

“Let me first preface this with: please don’t say anything. Just let me get it out there. I don’t expect anything from you in return, there’s no pressure whatsoever, and I would rather you not say anything at all. Like, at all. Okay?”

Truthfully, Inuyasha was freaked out. Had something happened? Was she about to admit to something bad? Kagome looked about ready to breakdown and cry, and the fact that she was asking for him to remain completely silent only told him she was afraid of judgement. Never had she asked him to stay quiet before. And, he hated how apprehensive his girlfriend looked right now. His instinct was to solve the problem, so what was he supposed to do here but agree to her terms?

“What’s going on, Kagome?”

“Please?”

“Alright. I won’t talk. Now, spill.”

She pinched the back of her wrist to stay grounded, to keep from crying. God, she was so pathetically nervous, and three times now, she’d almost convinced herself to back out and pretend it was a joke. That wouldn’t be right, though. She wanted to cry so bad and she hadn’t even said anything yet, so she pinched herself harder, her nails incidentally digging in. As soon as she felt a degree of control fall back into her grasps, Kagome leveled her gaze at him.

The words sat on her tongue, weighted with the shackles she’d placed there herself. A lump had formed and solidified in her throat, clinging for dear life and making everything so much harder than it needed to be. God, she was really shaking. Her breathing was becoming unsteady as if she’d already started crying and she could feel her expression crinkling into something terribly sad. She knew that was how she appeared only from the way Inuyasha’s lips parted, how his brows curved in worry, how he wanted to reach for her but seemed so confused that he could only stand there and wait.

Like a bandaid. Once the words were out, it wouldn’t be so bad anymore. She just had to get through it.

“Um - I - I - I am -“ The stammering was relentless, and out of sheer obstinance, Kagome shied away for one moment, took a short breath, huffed it out, then faced him again. “I’m in love with you.”

There was a slight arch to his brow, and his chin inched to the side minutely. Very slowly, Inuyasha’s lips sealed and his gaze hardened, falling to the ground. Hastily, Kagome followed her confession with disclaimers, irrevocably panicking.

“A-and, I don’t expect you to say it back! You don’t have to say a word about it! There’s no pressure at all, Inuyasha! I swear!” With each statement, he seemed to be growing more and more tense, and Kagome was terrified she was only making matters worse, but she blinked profusely so her tears didn’t have the chance to breach the brim of her lids. “I just wanted you to know. So, yeah. Now you know.” Her voice had fallen to a hitch just above a whisper at that point, admonished.

Inuyasha kept his promise. He didn’t speak. Kagome was stiff in her spot, not quite knowing what move to make next. She hadn’t thought this far ahead. It was hard to think beyond her admittance in the first place. It was too quiet, and she could hear the clock in the living room loudly ticking seconds by.

“Just nod or shake your head; do you still want me to stay?” She asked sheepishly.

Finally, Inuyasha’s glowing stare rose to hers again, and it frighteningly seemed to grow harder, more tense. She saw the rigid muscles of his jaw clench, and his chest rose with the very slow inhale he took through his nose. Steadily, the hanyou responded with a firm nod. In the next moment, he gestured for her to head down the hall to the bathroom with a notch of his chin, which she wasted no time in complying to. Kagome bit her lip, hard, shakily turned on her heel, and left Inuyasha alone in the room.

The second he heard the bathroom door lock and the shower turn on, Inuyasha dropped his seat on the bed, crumbling forward as he braced his forehead in his hands, elbows jabbing into his thighs. His chest was physically aching, his throat tight, and Inuyasha felt thoroughly crushed. He could literally see the fear in her eyes, the anxiety holding her by the neck. Why? Had he given her some reason to worry? Had he made it seem like that was a taboo topic?

It didn’t take long to rationalize. Logically, he knew it wasn’t him. It wasn’t personal. And, he knew that because he knew exactly how it felt to be afraid of unadulterated vulnerability. It felt like you were naked, exposed to the world, trusting someone with something so valuable and important when you weren’t even sure if you could trust yourself with something like that. It was hard. It was nerve wracking.

But, there was something deeper to it.

Why else would she insist he didn’t respond? It was clear as day. He knew that feeling. He’d been hurt before, too. They’d been together for almost half a year, he knew a good portion of her story, and she knew just as much about his. It was impossible to know it all quite yet, though. Five, six months may seem like a long time to some, but it’s honestly nothing in retrospect. They’re just scratching the surface. He knew the general aspects about her abusive father, he knew she had an emo phase in high school, he knew the superficial shit like her favorite colors, foods, drinks, what medications she needed to take and how often, he knew how she tasted, her tickle spots, where the heating pads were stashed in her apartment - because she had multiple for easy accessibility depending on what room she was in while she was down for the count on her period, and he knew she’d had her heart broken before. But, he didn’t know every little detail about certain things yet.

Inuyasha had had his heart broken before, as well. He knew that feeling. He knew how gruesome and tedious it was to start over, how awful the idea of opening up all over again was, how awkward and weary it felt to tiptoe around specific subjects until you felt comfortable enough describing them, so on and so forth. He knew. Just, apparently, not as well as Kagome did. He was willing to guess that her heart wasn’t just broken. It was trampled on.

His most recent relationship was up and down. He and his ex were never on the same page. He fell quickly but his feelings were unrequited. Then, later on, she began to show more affection, but he’d become closed off by the time that came. Nevertheless, neither of them spoke those words. They never truly opened up about what they felt, how they felt, or why they felt anything, especially romantically. Up until now, Inuyasha had never heard the words, “I’m in love with you.”

Up until recently, Inuyasha had never felt the urge to say, “I’m in love with you.”

No.

That’s wrong.

Sure, recent was a broad term, but it happened several months ago. Several months too soon, he’d deemed. Kagome was playing with his niece, teaching the six year-old how to use a toy compass she’d brought home from class, and congratulating her excitedly whenever Rin got something right. His niece wasn’t shy by any means. She was talkative, playful, bubbly, and bright. But, she had this thing about being touched. She didn’t like it. Only certain somebodies could hold her, hugs were off the table unless you were one of four people, high fives were a maybe, and yet he watched the little girl ask Kagome to watch a movie with her when she was done with the compass, cuddle up next to her on the couch, and fall asleep on her lap without persuasion.

That was it. Kagome respected Rin’s autonomy and boundaries, and Rin let her in by the third time they’d met.

And, Inuyasha fell. Hard.

Again, too soon. So, not saying it was easy. No big deal. After a while, it sort of began spilling out in his idiosyncrasies, in the way he touched her, worshipped her, in the way he craved the knowledge on how to properly care for her. In his terms, he was being painfully obvious. It was almost humiliating how obvious he was being.

It just looks like it wasn’t obvious enough. How could he have expected her to understand? It’s not like she was fluent in his body language or habits. At this point, if she needed it spelled out to her, he’d happily do so.

Because, despite her overwhelming and damn near crippling fear she’d just waded through, Kagome still told him the truth. Kagome courageously stood there, attempted to look him in the eyes, and told him she loved him, no matter how scared or nervous she appeared. If he needed to say it back in order for her to understand, he could return the gesture without hesitation.

First, though, he needed to comprehend what was going through that head of hers. He wasn’t going to jump to conclusions. This wasn’t the time to do so. What she was feeling, that look in her eyes, it stemmed from something deep, something that wasn’t quite healed. He needed, desperately needed, to know what happened. He’d promised to keep his mouth shut earlier, but he hadn’t promised how long he’d hold that. She may have meant about that topic entirely, but that was something he couldn’t and wouldn’t agree to. There was no way in hell he was going to let this slide. Eventually, they were going to have to discuss this.

Now was that time.

Inuyasha suddenly stood, filled with a rage that had surfaced as soon as she shakily asked him if he still wanted her to stay, feeling so irate that he could only clench his fists and pace the floor. There was a good fucking chance this originated with her ex. Maybe her father, but his gut told him otherwise. The things he knew about that relationship were vague. Kagome didn’t like to fixate on it, which was reasonable for anyone who’d moved on, and they never really found a good time to open up about nitty gritty details pertaining to failed relationships; they were more focused on one another and their individual lives. He was fuming. What the fuck had that motherfucker done?

He knew they broke up over two years ago. He knew he’d dumped her just before their anniversary. He knew their relationship wasn’t entirely horrible, but much like he and his own ex-girlfriend, they were rarely on the same page. That’s about it, though. He’d heard a thing or two about how she’d realized way after they’d broken up just how toxic their relationship actually was - one of those late night, shower-thought epiphanies - but she never much elaborated. Hell, she talked about it all so rarely, Inuyasha had even forgotten the fucker’s name. He was her ex-boyfriend so that naturally deemed him irrelevant, because Inuyasha was her current boyfriend and that was all that fucking mattered. But, now he wished he remembered because it would make it at least a little easier to track the bitch ass down and punch his lights out.

She’d opened the door, and he needed to know what was on the other side of it. Inuyasha not only craved, but found it a foundational necessity to understand what had her so anxious to tell him how she felt. First, he recognized he needed to calm down. He couldn’t approach this with heightened emotion because it would cause Kagome to feel insecure and unsafe, which he would never allow her to feel around him.

That was hard for him to do, though. To swallow his frustration, push it aside. He felt things passionately, much like Kagome did. For her, for the light he always looked to for a sense of peace and felicity, for the woman he respected and cherished, he would do it. He could do it.

It took a moment, but Inuyasha left his room and headed to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water to sip on and an extra one for his girlfriend. The shower had stopped running moments ago, and the hairdryer was now blowing. She was biding time. Kagome, more often than not, let her hair air dry. This was killing him. The fact that she was so afraid, so nervous, the fact that she felt anything but contentment in the face of pure and unbridled emotion. Inuyasha just wanted to burst through the bathroom door and tell her to stop, demand she look him in the eyes and say it again and watch how he would never turn away from her. What could he have possibly said that had her more content with silence?

Content wasn’t what she’d felt at all though, was it? Even after he’d kept his mouth shut, Kagome was still trembling, still incredibly uncomfortable.

He was going to the bottom of this.

But, something in his heart wrenched. Overall, he just hoped with everything he had that she didn’t regret telling him.

There was careful deliberation on where he should wait for her. He’d debated standing outside the bathroom door to guide her back with him, but that would apply a lot of pressure straight from a safe zone. There was always the option to sit on the couch until she emerged, but still, he was worried she’d feel like she was under a spotlight. No matter what, Inuyasha was going to be taking her back into his bedroom. It was cozy and comfortable, and he just wanted to fucking hold her. The best course of action was to let Kagome come to him. When she was ready. No matter how much patience wasn’t his virtue. So, he ambled back through the doorway with both water bottles in hand, placing them on the nightstand as he got himself into more comfortable clothing. He’d never finished changing after dropping his shirt on the floor. He grabbed his grey sweats off the end of the bed and shoved his legs into them after removing his jeans, then fished a black tank top out of his dresser, easily and quickly pulling it over his head.

It wasn’t a bad thing that she’d told him. Kagome should be proud of herself. Over and over again, she’d repeated that in her head, but she couldn’t stop herself from feeling like she’d done something wrong. Maybe she’d put him on the spot and made him uncomfortable. She should have at least given him the space to tell her he wasn’t ready to say it back if that was how he felt. That she would have completely and wholeheartedly understood without fault.

Now she was stuck in an unknown area, her head was foggy, her fingers kept trembling, and her eyes were puffy from crying like a baby in the shower. The goal was to tell him how she felt. It was a step in the right direction. A step toward who she truly was behind the protective walls. From this point on, depending on how Inuyasha was feeling, it might be best to pretend nothing happened. Sweep it under the rug.

Everything was so conflicting, so turbulent, and Kagome could bring herself to do nothing but stare at the bathroom doorknob. Her hair was dry, she was dressed in her borrowed outfit, smelling purely of Inuyasha, and even though he still wanted her to stay, she couldn’t believe anything other than the possibility that she’d ruined everything.

What would happen once she exited the bathroom? Would things be uncomfortable? Would he be laying down in bed, facing the wall away from her, silent? Would he ignore her? Would he say something she was terrified to hear right now? Or, was she trapped in her unhealthy thoughts? Was she preparing a response to something that wasn’t waiting for her outside that door? Was she not giving Inuyasha the opportunity to respond in his own, organic way, expecting all the responses she was trained to anticipate before?

With a deep breath, Kagome reached for the knob, twisting it to exit. The apartment was as quiet as it was when she locked herself inside, the clock in the living room ticking loudly as she slowly sauntered through. Lights were dim, but the bedroom, through the opened door, was inhabited. The lamps shaded the white walls in warm hues, and as she got closer she noticed a very soft hum of music playing through the bluetooth speakers he had set up in there, quiet but still melodic and comforting.

Though her heart was pounding and a jittery sensation within her chest was causing her to tread cautiously, she followed the path into his bedroom, spotting Inuyasha sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. He was quick to notice her presence, sitting up and glancing at her, and even though she faked a smile with a curious notch of her head, it was clear he saw right through her. How wouldn’t he? If he already didn’t know her so well, it was obvious she wouldn’t go from cripplingly apprehensive before her shower to sweet and happy immediately after.

Inuyasha noticed the pink in her cheeks, the stupidly cute but feigned upturn of her plush lips, the way her deep eyes bounced away from him before coming right back only to repeat the same motions. His Kagome. His sweet, hurting, beautiful Kagome.

With an arch of his brow, the hanyou wagged his finger at her, ushering her over to sit on his lap. She was hesitant at first. She knew what was coming, but still, despite her slight discomfort, he released a small, breathy chuckle so she knew he wasn’t upset with her.

“C’mere.” He requested softly, patting his thighs.

“What?” Kagome returned, unsure.

“I want you. C’mere.”

Slowly, she crossed the floor, accepting her boyfriend’s support as she straddled his lap and got comfortable. An uncontrollable pout formed on her face when he looked into her eyes, she felt it, and humiliation washed over her, causing her to hide her expression between his shoulder and neck.

Inuyasha was patient, making sure she was secure in her seat before his hands traveled over her. At first, he couldn’t help but hug her tight. In this moment, Kagome seemed so fragile and he could already feel her body shaking against him. She knew he was going to talk whether she liked it or not.

Still, he gave her a little more time, relaxing against him, her chest melting on his, her arms wrapped around his shoulders but accepting his full support as his hands rubbed over her back soothingly.

“You want to tell me what happened back there?” He asked, opening back up the topic.

“Did I do it wrong?” Kagome spoke, her voice small.

“I’m not worried about right and wrong here, baby. Can you look at me for a second?”

Carefully, Kagome leaned back, giving him the attention he requested. His large, warm hands cradled her jaw, his thumbs caressing her cheeks, his eye contact firm.

“I never want you to be afraid to tell me something, okay? Especially, how you feel.”

Immediately, Kagome began to crumble. Her cheeks grew hot and her lips twitched downward sadly. Tears too quickly threatened her eyes, and Kagome was hasty to hide her face in his shoulder again.

“I need you to talk to me, Kagome. What’s going on?” He asked, returning to rubbing her back. In the silence as he waited, he picked up the back hem of the large shirt she wore, pushing his hands beneath so he could gently massage her skin. The heat from her, the softness, he craved it right now. “Was it something I did?”

Kagome fervently shook her head against him.

“I’m never going to understand unless you tell me, baby. That wasn’t the normal amount of nervousness you’d expect when saying something like that. So, what’s going on?”

“I just didn’t want you to feel obligated to say it back if you weren’t ready.” Kagome sniffled, hugging him tighter.

“Okay, I get that. And, what else?”

“That’s all.”

“You can’t lie to me.”

“Can we just pretend nothing happened and go back to our happy date night?” She whined playfully.

“Unfortunately, no.” Inuyasha chuckled, catching her small attempt at laughing off her problems. “I can’t do that while you’re crying on me, Kagome.”

“I’m not crying.” She sniffled again.

“Oh? You’re not?”

“Nope. These are just allergies.”

“And, what are you suddenly allergic to?”

“Feelings.” Kagome giggled, though she began crying harder, only because her boyfriend was being sweet and obviously getting through to her. She both hated and loved it at the same time.

Inuyasha kissed her shoulder, holding her a little tighter as his hand slipped higher up her bare back. The curve from her little slouch against him had her spine popping out slightly, and ever so softly, Inuyasha traced his fingers over the bones.

“What were you so afraid of me saying?” He all but whispered.

Mustering up some courage, Kagome leaned back, using one hand to meagerly clear her messy face of tears. She took a few unsteady breaths before speaking, her eyes falling to the hem of the collar of his black top, and she allowed her fingers to distractingly drag along it.

“I didn’t want you to tell me you loved me if you weren’t ready or felt pressured, because I don’t want you to take it back later on.”

The hanyou’s brows furrowed inquisitively and he was unable to bite back the reaction of his head cocking to the side in bemusement.

“What?” He almost hissed. “Why would I do that?”

Kagome didn’t answer, continuing to play with the shirt he wore.

“Kagome, why are you afraid of that happening? Don’t tell me -“ Inuyasha had to tense his breath in his lungs to refrain from letting his upset get the better of him. “Did your ex…?”

She responded with the littlest nod, worrying her bottom lip incessantly. “Multiple times.”

“Multiple times?” He echoed on an exhale, his expression widening. His hands were holding her hips, squeezing as comfortingly as possible, but Inuyasha was struck cold. Not only had someone shattered her, but someone managed to look at this woman on top of him and take back their love on more than one occasion? This girl? How? He’d only had her for half a year and he was scared shitless of losing her, so it didn’t make any fucking sense that someone would just toss her aside like that as if she meant nothing.

Slowly, Kagome curled forward, tucking herself against his shoulder. It was like a safety net. Inuyasha was so warm, he held her perfectly every time she felt emotional and vulnerable. As much as she didn’t want to talk about this, she knew this topic would come up eventually. It was a staple of her by now, something she was clearly conditioned to expect after years of receiving it, and even before she fell in love with the man stroking her back beneath her shirt, she knew this issue would arise. It wasn’t going to be easy or quick to work through, that was a given, and she knew he was ultimately going to need to know some of the toxic occurrences of her previous relationship; things that were done to her and things she’d done, as well. She’d considered it was going to be something he’d want clarity on as soon as she admitted her feelings. It was fair. Being on the other end of things, he deserved to know what she’d been through and why she inadvertently responded the way she had.

It was just hard. It was hard to think about and hard to talk about.

But, if she could power through her fear of admitting her feelings, then she could give him everything else, too. It was another step in the right direction, no matter how unsteady the pathway seemed.

“I told him I loved him first, and he responded by telling me I shouldn’t. He was my first love, so I didn’t really know how to react or what to say to that. It’s not like I could just take it back or agree or something.”

“Right.” Inuyasha almost hummed, listening intently to her explanation as he kissed her shoulder here and there.

“Almost a year later, he told me he was falling in love with me. A few months after that, he took it back and said he wasn’t so sure anymore since we’d been arguing.”

The half demon couldn’t control his reaction to hold Kagome a little tighter. It was like an attempt to protect her from things he knew he couldn’t begin to protect her from. If he could control it, no one would ever speak to her like that. No one would ever hurt her this way. No one would ever be able to apply that pressure to her shoulders, because how could she not feel obligated to be perfect and compliant in order to feel valued and cherished?

“Then, I don’t know how long later, he told me he loved me again. It stayed consistent for a while. He’d tell me periodically, particularly when I did nice things for him or if I said it first. Then, again, he ended up taking it back. I had felt it that time and asked him if he still loved me. He said, ‘I don’t know.’ Followed by,” Kagome’s fingers clutched Inuyasha’s shirt, exhaling tremblingly, though she had been doing so well at keeping it together. “‘Maybe soon I’ll love you again, though.’ So, I idiotically stayed. I held onto that hope. I waited and waited until we got into this stupid fight and he broke up with me the next day. He made sure to emphasize that he didn’t love me. But, said he might in the future, we’d just need to stay friends. ‘You never know what the future stores.’”

God, Inuyasha wanted to kill him.

“There was one night after we finally found separate places, we were packing, getting ready to move out of our shared apartment, and we were talking about old things. He told me he never loved me. And, I just never understood why things went on for so long just because he wasn’t sure. Why would you say it if you didn’t? Why couldn’t he have let me go sooner? What good was I if he didn’t even want me there? I wasn’t strong enough to leave, but he was because he literally hung that over my head for most of the time we were together, threatening me with leaving if I didn’t do something right. I have so many things to work through because of him, so many trauma responses to correct, trust issues that I’m projecting unto you, and he walked away like nothing ever happened.” Kagome cried, once again shaking against Inuyasha.

All he could do was kiss her, hush her soothingly, hold her tight, rub the hot flesh of her back. Let her cry. He understood now. He got it. It was why she struggled to take compliments the first time around. It was why she second-guessed sweet gestures. It was why she assumed everything was sarcastic and insincere. It was why she thought her love for him was problematic. She didn’t want him to say anything because she was scared of the words, “I love you.” They meant nothing to some people, they were used as tools, and so easily, they could be erased. Sad thing was, Inuyasha was sure that even if he said the words right here and now, she wouldn’t even believe him.

“Of course, he’s obviously not the sole reason for why I am the way that I am. Can’t give him credit for everything.” Kagome gave a wet giggle, again laughing through her problems. Her coping mechanisms were all over the place, but it was still cute.

Inuyasha sighed defeatedly, laughing lightly as he rested his head on her shoulder.

“So,” He breathed. “You didn’t want me to say anything because you figured nothing was better than something I could hurt you with.”

Her silence was as good as confirmation.

Inuyasha pulled her in firmer, an arm supporting her low back as he picked her up, rotated their bodies, crawled a little further on the bed, and laid her beneath him on the mattress. He had a knee between her legs, but rested on her side, an elbow propping him up while he used his free hand to gently swipe her tears away.

“It was more because I didn’t want you to feel pressured.” Kagome finally spoke after moments of peaceful silence, taking the opportunity he provided to calm down before continuing. “But, then I started to panic. I felt like this is supposed to be a good thing, right? Not everyone is going to respond the way he does, right? I just wanted to tell you so bad. It’s supposed to be a good thing, but I got trapped in my head thinking history would only repeat itself.”

“Baby, are you sure you were ready to tell me?” Inuyasha inquired, dragging his finger along her temple to clean the tears that followed gravity.

She nodded, her bottom lip quivering. “It’s bad enough that I’m afraid of love. I didn’t want to allow myself to sink and be afraid to love, too. That’s not me. I feel like I’d only be letting him stick around in my mind if I did that, but I just want to love you. I do.” Kagome cried, eyes falling away from him. “I wanted you to know, and I’ve been holding onto it long enough.”

Inuyasha leaned his head down, kissing her shoulder. It wasn’t enough for him. He needed to feel her skin beneath his lips so he pulled the baggy collar away so he could leave a tender and invisible mark on her clavicle.

“How long?” The hanyou breathed.

“A month or so.” She matched his soft tone, trying to steady her lungs and bring herself back to a calm. “The night you went on your business trip.”

“Europe?”

“Mhm.”

“Not too bad. It was the groggy voice, huh?”

Though her eyes were still wet and the hair at the sides of her temples were soaked, her cheeks flushed, Kagome glanced back over to him with a hint of surprise. “How’d you know?”

“Because, I knew I’d get a response from you. Always do.” He smirked, planting sweet kisses against her cheek, and moving up to kiss tears away.

“You know I like that?”

“It’s my job to read you like a book, baby. I take my work very seriously. You’re subtle, but I see things I do that you like. You’ve got little mannerisms that give you away.”

“Like what?”

He hummed a decline. “I’m not giving that secret to you. Let me have this. You know what I will tell you?”

“Hm?”

“Do you promise to hear me out? No interrupting, okay? Just listen to me.”

There was an increase in the tension that climbed through her muscles, and her pout turned weary. Inuyasha took a moment to continue kissing her temple, her cheekbone, his palm finding its way beneath her shirt to softly stroke her tummy. When she relaxed a little, he leaned back to look at her.

“Remember that day Rin took a nap with you? I stayed up that night. Couldn’t sleep. I had you here next to me, and I just couldn’t stop listening to the sound of your breathing. I was scared shitless, but the crazy fucking part was, even though you weren’t awake, having you right here helped keep me calm. It was counterintuitive. I was both scared of you and at peace with you. I wanted you to wake up and do that thing where you tickle the small of my back with your fingers because, god, nothing feels better than that. It was like you held all of me in the palm of your hands, and you could easily drop it in the trash at any given moment. But, it’s you. I knew you wouldn’t. That was my night, though. That was the moment I realized I was in love with you.”

Kagome hardened slightly, and he could literally hear how hard her heart was thumping within her chest. She didn’t smile, didn’t frown, didn’t make much of any expression really, aside from her brows giving a minor, inward twitch.

“That was quite a few months ago. Nothing’s changed. If anything, it’s gotten deeper. I’m so worried one day you’ll walk out those doors and never come back. I don’t want to lose you just as badly as you don’t want to lose me.” He was the one to hide his face this time, tucking it within her neck as he threaded his arms around her back, holding her close. He hadn’t expected her to clutch him in return, but she did. Immediately. Kagome supported him through his own moment of vulnerability, but more importantly, he felt it was a way to communicate her reception. “I don’t care how many times I have to say it until you begin to believe me. I don’t care what I have to do to make you feel secure in our relationship. I’ll do it all. You know I don’t say shit unless I mean it.”

“I believe you.” Kagome whispered, a small hiccup at the tale end that jostled her chest. “That’s the scary part.”

He nodded again, pulling away to gently press his forehead to hers for a moment.

“I get it.” Inuyasha breathed before leaning back to look her in the eyes. “But, one of these days you’ll understand that no matter what happens, I won’t take a damn thing back. You’ll see that I don’t want it back. I feel like my heart’s safer with you, anyway.”

“Stop it.” She pouted, but he knew that was her way of conceding. Even as she cried a little harder and tucked herself into his chest so he couldn’t see it. “You’re being too sweet. Be mean to me again.”

Inuyasha chuckled, raising his hand, “As you wish.” He said, smacking it down against her butt.

The little yelp she released was so sad but adorable as she flinched away from the sting, but it inadvertently brought her to cuddle closer to him. The hanyou laughed, brushing his fingers through her hair and massaging her scalp.

“Can you do something for me?” He asked.

“Hm?” She grumbled into his chest.

“Tell me again. This time look right at me. Don’t look away, don’t fidget, just trust me. That was my first time hearing it. I gotta hear it straight.”

She hadn’t realized Inuyasha hadn’t heard the words before. She didn’t know that. This was big for him too, if not bigger. Was she his first love? Was she the first person he’d ever said that to? Kagome felt a warmth course through her, and even though she was slightly nervous, she didn’t feel unsteady. Not while he held her. Not while his amber eyes were above her, watching her with an emotion she’d never before seen. She came out of hiding with a level of ease she hadn’t felt a moment ago, secure, one of his hands lightly trailing her side beneath her borrowed shirt.

Her fingers had a mind of their own, reaching for his cheek as she softly caressed it, her thumb tenderly rubbing over his bottom lip. “I love you, Inuyasha.”

It was like a sigh of relief left his lungs, and the corners of his mouth inched upward. His eyes were hooded with affection, and he leaned down to kiss her, lingering on her soft lips.

“Your turn.” Kagome whispered as he pulled away, her brown eyes shifting from his eyes to his lips.

It felt incredible that she wanted to hear it now. And, though he knew everything was going to take time until she felt comfortable with the idea that he wouldn’t take a damn thing back, he knew it would take time to work through her trust issues little-by-little, he didn’t mind. Because, she was his and he was hers, and he was all too happy to hold her hand and walk by her side while they figured everything out. He couldn’t fix this for her. He hated that he couldn’t take her pain away. That’s not how it worked, though. He knew this. She knew this. Inuyasha was her partner through everything, and he’d be the best fucking partner he could be.

He grinned with their foreheads pressed together, his hand on her waist gripping tighter as he couldn’t help but chuckle from sheer bliss. “God, I’m so fucking in love with you.”

Kagome smiled, pushing Inuyasha over to roll on top, once more straddling his hips as she gazed down at him. She wanted to burn this image of him in her mind. She never wanted to forget that soft look in his eyes, or the way he reached up and tenderly wiped away any remaining tears that stained her face. He meant it. She believed him. And, she hoped with everything inside of her that he never took it away from her.

She curled down, cuddling into her chest and Inuyasha immediately turned his head to kiss her forehead. He held her close, gently stroking her hair back and basking in her incredibly comforting heat. He loved her. He loved her so goddamn much. His Kagome.

“What do you need right now, baby?”

“Nothing.” She hummed.

“What do you want, then.”

He knew she struggled with that one, but whenever he asked, she did her best to communicate properly. “Touch my butt again.”

Inuyasha laughed huskily, his hands gliding down her back to take a firm and wonderful hold on her ass.

“And, pizza.”

“Oh, see, I’m a step ahead of you on that one. Ordered a couple before you got out of the shower.”

Kagome gave a short half whine - half squeal of happiness as she cuddled in closer and kissed his neck. “Thank you.”

[notprofessionalwriting]

. 1:47am . -  Part Two

DAMAGED GOODS 

Corpse Husband X FemReader

Summary: After accidentally calling Corpse, Y/N and him are trying to not be awkward in a park, so they play 20 questions. Corpse won’t let Y/N forget she ignored his 8ball request (she 100% did) 

Warnings: slight angst if you squint, cursing, mentions of car accidents and guns being pulled

A/N: i literally cant believe anyone read part one, thank you sm for the nice words and stuff :) 

Part 2 of ???? 

PART ONE

3:46am

You were sitting on a park bench with your skateboard next to you. The world around you was quiet, other than the occasional car speeding down the busy road next to the park. You pulled out your phone and checked your notifications, nothing. The last text you got was 10 minutes ago from Corpse saying he was on his way. 

“What the fuck am I doing?” you questioned yourself as you looked down at your board. It’s from junior year of high school. It was a beaten up Black Label skateboard, one that your crush from high school picked out for you. The only time you ever actually used it was when the two of you rode your boards together downtown after school. That was until he then began dating your other friend - then you never touched it again. 

Your gaze never parted from the board until your phone buzzed as your phone screen lit up. A text from Corpse appearing across your screen. 

3:48am

Corpse: here. 

You lifted your head and looked around in the darkness. The park around you is completely empty, the swings standing lifeless as the grim night air creeps around you. A slight chill makes it’s way up your spine and you began thinking to yourself, ‘am I going to be fucking murdered?’ The fear began to sneak upon you, your skin now crawling. Eventually, you heard the sound of a skateboard rolling towards you. Slowly, you’re able to make out the figure on the board as it begins to approach you. 

Tall, slender build, curly hair hid under a beanie, dressed in all black with a pullover hoodie. They effortlessly rode the board until their foot touched the ground, the board now stopped before you. They had a mask on, hiding most of their facial features aside their eyes and up. You were in shock, this is the first time you’ve seen him in person. In fact, you weren’t even sure if Sykkuno ever actually met up with him, despite living in the same city. Your nerves began to creep up more as you studied what features of him were available to view. So far, you declared he has the prettiest set of brown eyes you’ve ever seen. 

“Hey, y/n.” he spoke quietly, his deep voice erupting into the eerie night air. He stepped off his board and sat next to you onto the bench. 

“Hey, Corpse” you responded while giving him a small smile, looking down at your hands and twiddling with them. You were nervous being in his presence. Something about how mysterious he’s always been caused you to feel intimidated. Though, in person, you saw how anxious and awkward he actually was. He wasn’t looking you in the eyes, his hands were stuffed in his pocket and wait- was he shaking? This all made you wonder, why were you so nervous? 

He let out a breathy laugh and turned to face you, studying your features. You felt blush begin to rise to your cheeks. His high pitch laughter was one you had originally only heard through your headphones in-game, hearing it in person was a whole different experience. 

“You nervous?” he questioned you

“Uhh,” you locked eyes to him, you could tell he was smirking underneath his face mask with the way his eyes moved, “yeah actually, really fucking nervous honestly.” 

“Me too,” he chuckled and leaned forward, not making eye contact with you anymore. He rested his arms on his knees, “really fucking nervous.” 

“Why?” you let your eyes rest on his figure, studying his movements as he adjusted his beanie and anxious pulled his sleeves down to cover his hands. 

“It’s the first time I’ve been out of my apartment in fuckin’ days,” he slumped into the bench now while looking off into the nighttime, “Plus I haven’t seen more than half of my friends in person. Uhh, actually all of my friends.” 

“Well, ain’t I special?” you said, confusion festering inside of you. You felt yourself so intrigued by every movement and word that let his mouth. You wanted to watch him and listen to him talk for hours. What the fuck is happening? 

He looked over at you, yet another smirk hiding underneath his mask, “I wanted to ask you in person…”, he adjusted his seating to now face you again, “Why the fuck did you ignore my 8-Ball request?”

You stared deadpan, another laugh escaping you, “No fucking way. I totally fucking responded to that.” 

“No you didn’t,” he quickly responded, “you definitely didn’t.” 

“You brought me in the middle of a park at basically 4am to argue about 8-Ball?” You questioned him, watching his features soften more. A smile grew upon his face, brightening what you could see of his face. 

“Yes, yes I did actually.” You didn’t respond, instead you squinted your eyes and stared at him. “I-uh- I wanted to also, you know, actually talk to you?” He mumbled, “We never actually talk. Plus, you called ME at wee fucking hours in the mornin. Don’t you spin this around on me.” 

“It was an accident!!” You retorted, laughter escaping your lips so easily it felt natural to be sitting and laughing on a bench with him, “I didn’t mean to be weird and randomly call you!” 

He moved slightly close to you, slowly closing some of the space between the two of you, “Well, I was the weird one and asked you to hang out at 3am, so we’re even I guess.” 

You could smell his cologne and aftershave, and fuck it smelled amazing. He continued to mess with the sleeves of his hoodie, pulling them over his hands and tucking them anxiously in his pockets. 

“Okay, okay, my turn. What made you ask me to ‘chill’ in this park?” 

You studied him, awaiting his response. “Same reason you ‘accidentally’ called me,” he said, putting air quotation marks over the word accidentally. 

“Oh?” you jokingly questioned him, “and what’s that?” 

You wondered what he looked like under the mask. You wondered how his hair looks under his beanie. You wondered if he smelled even better under the layers of his hoodie and what appeared to be another sweatshirt underneath. Your mind began to wonder how his voice sounded like when he first woke up, or what he sounded like when he was half asleep. More thoughts began to dance throughout your head as you stared at him, looking at his eyes which showed he was smiling under his mask. 

“I wanted to get to know you better. Ya’know, actually talk and stuff.” He responded, breaking the shared eye contact and looking around you.

“And stuff?” you giggled, watching his nervous reaction. His hands were stuffed in his jacket pocket again.

“I don’t fucking know, what do normal socially inclined people do?” 

------------

4:11am

“Okay, how about this,” you spoke into the uncomfortable silence that fell between the two of you after you ran out of small talk. You two were staring at each other, motionless. “20 questions?” 

“20 questions?” he questioned you, narrowing his eyebrows in confusion

“Yeah, why not?” you laughed nervously, something about him made your nerves on high alert, “you start!” 

You positioned yourself to face him on the bench, crossing your legs in front of you and resting your arms on your legs. You gauged his reaction, the look of confusion flooding his face.  

“Uhhhhhh,” he turned to face you, mimicking the way you were sitting -  crossing his legs in front of him on the bench, “uhh- i don’t fucking know, favorite color?” 

“Blue!” you exclaimed, “I’ve always loved darker shades of blue, like turquoise or- well it’s not blue-blue but aquamarine too.” 

“Aquamarine? That’s a fancy color, heh. Guess mine.” 

“Black?” you giggled, looking his outfit up and down, it was about fifty shades of black. 

He laughed his signature high pitched laughter, adjusting his sleeves to again cover his hands, “Correct. How did you guess?”  

“Oh just a hunch, that’s all. It’s your turn.” 

“Uhhh,” he pulled out his phone and began typing rapidly. You stared at his hands, luminated from his phone screen. His chipped black nail polish was uneven on his nails, his rings shining bright against the light. His hands were veiny, you found yourself unable to look away, “I’m ass at these things, so lemme google something.” He began clicking rapidly, “…. Okay okay I’m ready. Got some questions and all” He held his phone up to hide the questions as he stared at them. 

“That’s cheating!” you giggled, reaching for his phone, “you’re a fucking cheater!”

“No, no, no, there are no rules. You did not say any rules. No rules! Ahem- okay.” he cleared his throat, scrolling through the question list, “holy fuck these questions. Ok- okay this one is good. So, ahem,” he put on a fake announcer voice, causing you to giggle even more, “Have you ever been in a car accident — and it was your fault?”

“Well damn,” you laughed, “where the fuck did you find these questions?”

“Hey man, I didn’t write the question. Anyway, you gotta answer it. Spill the beans, hunny” 

“Oh geez, well yes, I have been in a car accident, no I didn’t cause it.” You watched as his face softened, a look of sorrow clouding his dark eyes, “It was when I was in high school. A friend of mine- an old friend- was driving and another car blew a red light. It was a minor accident. No one was hurt or anything, but it fucked with my anxiety for a while. I still hate driving now. So I prefer public transportation.”

“Oh fuck- I’m glad you’re okay- jesus fuck. I’m sorry.”

“Honestly, I was paranoid about any cars. I refused to get in them for about a year, but I’m able to drive now, no worries. Anyway- your turn.” 

“I for one, have never been in a car accident, thankfully. However, I have had a gun pulled on me inside of my car, if that counts.”

“You WHAT?” you interrupted him, leaning closer to him, “ex-fucking-cuse me?” His nonchalant way about talking about that baffled you. 

He giggled, how was he giggling over this? “Yeah it was fucking wild man, straight fucking wild. I lived though.” 

“Okay, my turn. Why the fuck did you have a gun pulled on you?”

“You’re not letting that go, huh?”

“NO.” You shot back at him, “that’s fucking nuts.”

“It happened so fast, I can barely recall most of it. Guy tried to rob me, but I’m too fucking broke and didn’t have anything. Threatened to blow my head off, then fucking left. I still don’t know why the fuck he picked me. Do I even appear to look like I have any sort of value? But I lived, so there’s that.”

“Oh my fucking god.” That’s all you could manage to say, the thought of anything bad happening to him now begins to worry you. You have the strong urge to protect him from all evil, at any costs. 

“Yeah- straight fucking nuts. Anyway, my turn.” He began to scroll through the questions pulled up on his phone, letting out hmms and huuhs? until he finds a question that he deems worth asking, “What embarrasses you the most and/or what’s been your most embarrassing moment?”

“Hmmmm,” you took a moment to ponder the question, there’s a lot of things you’ve done that really embarrass yourself, “Okay so I was on a date with this guy I was really into in college, like I loved this guy before we even went out.”

“Was he cute?” Corpse asked, resting his elbows on his legs and his head on his hands, a pensive stare in his eyes as he peered at you.

“Uhhhh, really fucking cute actually….,” you were lost in his eyes, you couldn’t make out the rest of his face, but you’ve declared him as one of the most attractive people you’ve seen, “... uh anyway, so we were out on a date-”

“I can’t relate.” he interrupted, laughing again. 

“Huh?” you, again, we snapped out of your story. 

“Being on asked dates, can’t relate. I have never been asked on a date.” 

“I don’t believe that. Anyway-”

“O really? I legit have never been asked out on a date,” he let out a breathy laugh, “I’ll let you finish though.” 

“Well this isn’t a good date, anyway we were at the movies on a date and it happens to be the same exact movie theater his ex was at. Same movie, same time, same everything.” 

“Oh no…” Corpse knew exactly where this was headed. 

“Yuuupp, it was a ploy to run into his ex-girlfriend. They ended up getting back together right after that happened. Exact reason I hate the entire Purge series now.” 

“Evil. Straight fucken evil. I’m sorry.” he leaned his hand over to lay it on your leg, “that’s actually fucked.” 

He was touching you. His hand was on your leg, right above your knee. You felt the sensation of touch shoot up from your leg to your stomach. Your heart began pounding a thousand beats a second. Why were you acting this way? Why was your heart racing at an innocent touch to express sorrow? You tried your best to ignore it.  

You shrugged, although it still has taken a major shot to your self esteem, “I mean, it still stings but they have two kids now so, good for them I guess.” 

“At least you’re not spending the money on diapers now,” he laughed, moving his hand away and giving you finger guns, “that shit is outrageous.”  That was the cutest shit you’ve ever seen.

“Okaay, my turn. So have you really never been asked on a date?” You watched his reaction, he quickly rubbed the back of his head again, letting out an anxious laugh. 

“I mean, I’ve been on dates with my ex before and like, two other people, but I was the one to always ask ya’know. I never had anyone take interest in me first. I’m always the initiator. It’s not really that deep though. I actually like not being bothered with relationship shit honestly. Anyway, my turn.” 

Why did that upset you? You felt a ping in your heart. A ping of sadness. What’s wrong with you?

He scrolled through the questions a bit, searching for a good one to ask. 

“Okay, this one isn’t as cringe, what's the luckiest thing that's ever happened to you?”

You thought for a moment, looking at him staring back at you. A smile forming underneath his mask despite the lack of sleep hitting you both. The early morning sky began to form around you two on the park bench, you couldn’t deny it, he was attractive. You couldn’t see his face fully, but his visible features were inviting. You wanted to see what he was hiding on the mask. He had warm eyes, curly mess hair, you imagined he was more attractive than you imagined under the mask. “Well, I’m sitting on a fucking park bench at like 5am with Corpse Husband. Completely unplanned, no sleep at all. Answering questions about our lives in the darkness. Totally random, almost face reveal and all.”

Wait what the fuck - were you just flirting with him? Why are you flirting with him? You couldn’t tell, but he seemed to blush. 

“Oh shut the fuck up,” he laughed leaning over and playfully nudging your arm, “this is after you randomly called me, don’t forget that.”

“IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!” 

“I knew you never actually wanted to talk to me.” 

“Ohmyfuckinggod.” you reached over and snatched the phone from his hand. In the process, you accidentally touched his hands, you felt another surge of butterflies rush through you again. You tried to brush them away and scrolled through the questions, “do you believe in soulmates?” 

Of all questions, you asked that one. You wanted to smack yourself. What were you doing? 

He raised his eyebrows, bringing his hands to his chin, rubbing the front part of his mask. You wondered what he looked like without the mask on again. Thoughts of his skin racing through your mind, “Huh. I don’t honestly. I don’t think anyone is truly meant for anyone. Love is fucking hard, yaknow? Sure you can be attracted and interested in someone. But to actually have a meaningful, fulfilling relationship, it doesn't just happen. You need to actually want it. Want to actually work and build with them. No one is someone’s actual soul mate. Don’t even get me started if someone dies.” 

“Period sis,” you laughed, “I’d like to believe there’s someone for everyone though.” You were a hopeless romantic, it’s showing. 

“My person is the one that probably was murdered or something,” he laughed, looking down at his pant legs, “I kinda gave up on relationships and shit anyway. I’m not really the ideal partner.”

“Why?” you didn’t mean to ask that immediately after he spoke, it slipped out

“It’s my turn, mam.” He laughed, taking his phone back, “ooooh here’s a goodie, when you can’t sleep at night, what keeps you awake?” 

“Everything,” you blurted out, laughing, “fucking everything.” 

“Mood.” 

You paused for a moment, letting go on any filter you’ve had set, tiredness is setting in and you have no control over your words, “I always feel like I’m never really good enough, yaknow? Like I don’t really belong anywhere. I feel like I’m an outsider everywhere. I guess, I guess that’s what keeps me awake at night. Damn that got really fucking emo.” 

He nodded, the two of you not speaking for a good minute. He finally broke the silence, “Yeah, yeah. I actually fully understand that feeling.” 

“My turn,” you didn’t look at the phone this time, “so why did you give up on relationships? Or finding in love, or whatever.” 

Why did you care so much? Why are you asking him this? 

He took a deep breath, letting up a breathy chuckle, “Ah fuck, I-I don’t think I’ve ever talked about this before - like out loud.” He paused for a brief second, you were moments away from telling him it was fine without answering, but he continued on, “I- I don’t really see myself as a good partner honestly. Like, I don’t go outside much. I don’t show myself anywhere - that’s actually unfair to my partners. I can’t see myself being able to fully invest myself into a relationship either, I have so much other shit going on. My life it’s self is a fucking mess, I’m a fucking mess. I don’t deserve that sense of happiness either.” 

“Why’s that?” You questioned him, staring into his eyes. Those big brown eyes shined back.

“I just don’t. I can’t go outside without fucken panicking, without worrying someone will find me. That’s why my ex left me. I couldn’t do anything with her, no, for her. She wanted to go out and do all of these lavish things, but me? I couldn’t. Literally would fucken panic at the thought. Hyperventilate, shake. What the fuck is wrong with me? I wouldn’t want any parts of that either. She got tired of waiting for me to fix myself and left. I can’t blame her, she had every right to. I can’t see myself committing to anything. I’m so accustomed to everyone leaving. I-I can’t put myself through that heartbreak. I don’t want to put myself through heartbreak again. I- I don’t know. I’m scared to get attached. I-” 

You were staring at him, lost in his eyes. Lost in the emotion of his voice as he spoke. Raw, unfiltered, passionate, and real. Every croke as he spoke, every pause, stutter. Your heart was about to break. Who hurt him so badly that they caused him to feel broken? To feel betrayed? To feel so unloveable. You wanted to speak, but you were lost in him confessing his heart to you randomly on a park bench in the center of the city.

“Corpse,” you breathed out, watching the tears begin to well up in his eyes. Wait, he’s about to fucking cry. Holy shit. How do you calm a crying person? Do you even have tissues on you? You’re not prepared for this. 

He turned his head away and cleared his throat, trying to hide his watering eyes, “Fuck I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean-uhhhhhh- fuck- uhhh, ignore me.”

“Corpse,” you again said, reaching over to grab his hand. You made contact with the top of his hand, feeling the top of his rings grace underneath your palm. His skin is soft and warm. How the fuck is his skin so soft? You wrapped your hand around his and you lost control, you squeezed his hand to let him know you were there. You were listening, processing his emotion. You were letting him know you cared. 

“Thank you, y/n.” he looked back over at you, flipping his hand around so your palms are now touching. He intertwined your fingers together. His eyes are watering still, now vulnerable and more alive.

You were holding hands. Your heart began racing, you imagined it would jump out of your chest. He scooted himself directly next to you, your legs touching now. He rested his head on your shoulder, keeping your hands intertwined. His hair smelled like… was that cherry blossoms? His head was heavy on your shoulders, but it never felt so perfectly placed. He let out a deep sigh and you felt the breath on your shoulders. You began to panic inside, but it wasn’t a bad panic. It was a nervous panic. 

“Of course,” you whisper, laying your head on top of his, “damaged goods gotta stick together.”

[im-whatchamccallit]

Crushcrushcrush//Kim Hongjoong (ATEEZ)

Request:  Hi i was wondering if you could do a soulmate werewolf hongjoong x human female reader angst and fluff like she over hears hongjoong saying something and she gets sad and shy and worried and stuff.....

Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst with fluff at the end, Werewolf!AU, Soulmate!AU, a bit of College!AU

Warnings: Hongjoong’s kind of a dick with irrational thinking, cussing I guess

Word Count: 7.2k

(A/N: Lets just pretend I didn’t disappear for 6 whole months, but i am back and my medication is no longer giving me the big sad so I’m a little more motivated to write.This isn’t the best work I’ve done, this is actually idea 10 for this prompt and idk if it’s executed properly but Imma keep trying and hopefully, to keep from falling back into a slump, I’ll start a new series so I have a regular scheduled fic for everyone. Also, I think I botched expressing the AUS here but just let me know what you think. Sorry for always disappearing, I can’t promise I won’t go off the grid again but I’ll try harder to be active in anyway)

Your mother always said crushes stayed crushes for a reason: they hurt. Bad. But you thought she was wrong, that your feelings for someone could one day be reciprocated later if not sooner, and that’s what led you to him. Kim Hongjoong. The day you met was a complete accident, your body slamming into his as you wandered aimlessly during your freshman year of high school. He was gorgeous with wide brown eyes, beautiful pink lips and cheeks, his hair styled differently from the other boys to reveal his forehead, showing his individuality. He was perfection.

“I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” Those were the first words he spoke to you, his voice so gentle, so sweet. And the way he reached out to help you with no hesitation, holding your hands as he pulled you up effortlessly.

It was love at first sight, all until he looked down to your hands, eyes catching a glimpse of your wrist, a row of zeros peeking through the sleeve of your uniform jacket. He slowly pushed the fabric up, both your eyes widening to see your soulmate clock had finally timed out, his hands releasing yours to check his own wrist, a quiver to his lips as his clock matched yours, his once soft eyes now hard as he stared you down.

“Stay far away from me.” He warned, not saying another word as he headed to his homeroom, your body frozen as you watched him disappear. He was so harsh, yet you liked him. Maybe suddenly finding his soulmate scared him, but it was no problem to you! You were bound to end up together so you played the waiting game with him, being the perfect soulmate you could possibly be whether he accepted it or not.

And that led you here, now seniors in college and still acting the way you were when you met. Hongjoong was still cold, treating you like some plague while you could only smile along. You weren’t sure how you missed the fact you lived in a predominantly werewolf area until a public service announcement came on your television one night to remind humans to stay indoors during the full moon, that night dedicated to werewolves being as free as they could be, but it made you even more hopeful when you were on your way home from work one night, taking a shortcut through the woods since it lead right to your backyard.

You were 16 at the time, so the sight of a shirtless person would obviously make you flustered, but a shirtless Hongjoong? Enough to cause a nosebleed. He was 16 as well, the exact age a werewolf develops a mate bond and, seeing as you’ve already been confirmed as soulmates in the human world, the sudden desire to latch onto you and never let you go once you locked eyes only made your lifelong attachment more real, and he was freaking out. He didn’t speak, opting to shift without removing the remainder of his clothes, your eyes wide as he moved deeper through the thick trees and towards the horizon where the orange sky was in full view and, the grin on your face just couldn’t stop growing. You knew werewolves had a stronger drive to their mates, so the idea that he could avoid you forever was laughable. Sure, you were both 23 and he has uped his disdain for you from staying silent to calling you any vile name he could think of, but it was only a matter of time before he came around. You just knew it.

“(Y/n), stop gawking.” Miyeon joked, poking your side to snap you from your daydreams, your eyes widening when you noticed a few of Hongjoong’s friend’s catching your gaze, a blush painting your face as you turned away.

“I wasn’t gawking, just making sure their table was okay. I am their waitress tonight.”

“And every other night because you said, and I quote, ‘I wanna work at any table my Joongie’s going to be at!’” She mocked, your eyes rolling as you looked back towards them.

You took a job at a diner just a few blocks from both your apartment and college campus, the pay great and the distance convenient. It was the only time you had to yourself instead of lingering to Hongjoong, figuring out his classes and breaks to give him snacks and lunches you’d personally make for him since you overheard him complain about the campus food before, only to be told they tasted like shit and he’d find his own food. It was a bit of a kick to the face to hear that, but you had one saving grace: his pack. The first time Hongjoong sent you away with a bitter remark, they were curious about you, tracking you down when they weren’t with their alpha to get more info on who you were and what you found so loveable about the man treating you like some demon. They were surprised by how sweet you were and how accepting you were to be the unwanted luna of an eight-wolf pack. They could never hate Hongjoong but they sure as hell loved you just a little more than him. Unbeknownst to both of you, Yunho and Mingi found out where you worked, making a plan with the others to take Hongjoong there as much as possible so he would have no choice but to interact with you, even if he stayed silent to not appear like an asshole in front of the various strangers dining as well. Hongjoong would honestly never return if he had the choice, but something about the restaurant’s signature burger kept bringing him back, which is why he was here, sipping his soda angrily as he waited on his meal that would be served by his worst nightmare, you.

“I don’t know why you don’t just find someone else. Isn’t it easy for humans to reject soulmates? You could move on with no problems.” She said, helping you grasp onto the steel tray covered in various meals, a huff leaving you as you put on a bright smile.

“Because I know it’s harder to move on for wolves. You guys don’t have a choice on who your mates are, and you just accept it once you meet them. I know Hongjoong will accept me eventually, it’s just gonna take some time.” You gave one more smile before wobbling towards the table in question.

Hongjoong tried not to follow the gaze of his pack as they watched you happily approach them, letting out a huff as you adjusted the tray onto your shoulder, grasping the plates and placing them in front of the respective person, Hongjoong’s nose twitching at the smell of his burgers and fries, not wasting anytime to dig in as the other’s thanked you, but you shyly looked at the male before you, the tray pressed to your chest as you tried to find a casual way to speak with him.

“I-uh- I-I remembered last time you asked for extra cheese, so I decided to put cheese in the burger too! I hope you like it better than the tofu stew I made you for lunch the other week.”

“I didn’t ask for extra cheese this time, so why put it inside my burger where I can’t take it off?” He said spitefully, mouth still full as he set the half-eaten burger down.

Your smile faltered but bounced back as you reached towards his plate.

“O-oh! Well, I can take it back and make you another! This time I ca-“

“’This time’? You should’ve just done it from the start. Your job is to listen and do what you’re told and you can’t even do that? What can you do right?”

You swallowed hard, your eyes wandering to the people now staring at you as the scene unfolded, your heartbeat ringing in your ears as you tried to hold it together. The worst he’s called you in an idiot and that was usually under his breath, so to practically say it out loud, in front of strangers while you were in the middle of a shift and forced to do nothing but smile like you usually would, felt like you were being stabbed and burned simultaneously. You couldn’t keep smiling, looking down as you tried to apologize, only for him to cut you off once again.

“Go bother someone else. Or hide in the back if you’re just gonna keep fucking up this much.”

The space was eerily silent, even with the soft music playing, your eyes not leaving your shoes as you shuffled away. It was a pitiful sight, Seonghwa releasing a breath he didn’t realize he was holding as you went to a neighboring table to retrieve plates and glasses left by a couple from before. He was ready to tear Hongjoong’s head off, not as a gamma to an alpha but as one friend to another, his jaw tight as he prepared to berate him the way he did you but, somehow, Wooyoung beat him by asking a question none of them thought to ask before.

“What did she ever do to you that you have to treat her like that?”

There was a strange but tense silence as they awaited his answer, watching him taking small bites of his fries as he stared ahead at nothing before turning to them with what could only be described as a sadistic smirk.

“Imagine being 13 and finding out the best years of your life, the years of dating, hooking up, just discovering who you are, are gone because your mate decides to show up and take that from you.”

“Are you fucking stupid? That’s the reason we have mates, so we can do those things with one person instead of random people!” Seonghwa nearly yelled, trying to keep his voice low as to not alarm anymore spectators again.

“For the past 7 years, I’ve been trying to get her to leave or just reject me, but it’s clear to me now that she’s just an idiot that doesn’t understand she’s not needed, by me or anyone. And, if you’re as dumb as her, I’ll simplify it for you: she’s unwanted.”

Whatever pain you felt before suddenly disappeared into a numbness you couldn’t explain. He knew you were there, that you could hear him, that you would hear him, and yet he still said it. You were conflicted and sad, your lips curling in a mixture of disgust and anger before settling on a bright smile. Never mind the fact your tears finally spilled over, that your heart ached with every beat and your body felt heavy with the weight of being rejected by someone you waited so long for, you just had to smile. Soulmates were supposed to be a sure thing, supposed to be your happily ever after, yet it just turned out to be a crush, one that you should’ve let die the day you met him.

“(Y/n/n)…” Miyeon spoke cautiously as you made your way towards the bar, your other coworkers watching from beside her as if you were some strange spectacle.

“We have to start cleaning, y’know? It’ll help us get out of here a lot faster tonight.” You said in your usual cheerful tone, tears still flowing and a faint crack to your voice.

“How about you just head home for the day, (Y/n)? We can handle everything from here.” Your manager said, her eyes scanning your face as you moved past them and to the kitchen, their bodies following instinctively.

“What? No! I’m fine! We still have 4 more hours to go and I think if I get a head start with the chefs for tomorrow lunch specials I ca-“

“(Y/n), please-“

“I’m fine, Miyeon! Really! It’s not like I got broken up with or anything, I never even had a boyfriend! Just a crush on someone that thinks I’m a waste of space! Isn’t that super ironic? Spending most of your life chasing after someone that wants nothing to do with you? That’s really funny, right?” You choked out, lips pursing into a thin line to keep in your sobs but your attempts were futile, everything slowly starting to hit you at once until your body collapsed, one of the other servers catching you before you hit the ground.

It was all a blur from there, the words of comfort everyone offered turning into muffled noise as your cries of agony came out freely, the way Miyeon dragged you from the emergency exit at the back of the building and to her car to take you home, and even when you crawled into bed and managed to sleep despite the pounding headache. 7 years came and went and there was nothing to show for it. No soulmate, no boyfriend, no romance, not even a friendship. You were empty and for some reason the only thing filling your heart and mind was the person who broke you.

It felt like time stood still yet hours had passed, Hongjoong back in his own bedroom pressing away at his keyboard, stopping occasionally to write a few notes down from his new composition, but he wasn’t distracted enough to hear his door open, various footsteps entering and even a few bodies settling in on his bed, his eyes not bothering to leave his notebook as he figured this moment would come.

“You don’t need to lecture me.” He grumbled, going back to play a few more notes only to find his keyboard unplugged, Mingi tossing the cord away as his alpha stared him down.

“It’s only a lecture if you listen and learn, which you won’t, so we’re gonna make you feel as bad as possible for driving away the only person that gave a shit about you.” San said with a bright smile, a scoff leaving Hongjoong as he finally turned in his chair to face them, eyes scanning the room to see this situation wasn’t playful but truly hostile, almost like an ambush.

“So, you guys don’t care about me?”

“Trying to get you to accept your soulmate so you don’t die shows we care a lot more than we should.” Yeosang spoke, making himself comfortable as he sat against the pillow and headboard.

“But we’re the real assholes for trying to force her with someone as shitty as you.” Seonghwa finally said, Hongjoong’s head snapping in his direction as he let out a dry chuckle, shifting in his seat so he was leaning backwards, arms crossed as he told himself to stay calm during his friend’s potential tantrum.

“I feel like you have the most to say since you’ve been in love with my mate the longest, so go ahead, tell me how I’m such a bad man, Seonghwa. I’m all ears.” His smugness made the tension worse, Seonghwa stepping closer with clenched fist.

“I’m not in love with you mate, but if I didn’t know someone was waiting for me because we were fated to be together, maybe I would have asked (Y/n) out, because she deserves better than a lowlife with the brain function of a dead goldfish. But I respect her too much as your mate and my luna to not push those boundaries so I tried to help her get closer to you because I know you, Hongjoong. You’re not an asshole or a jerk, but to her? You treat her like shit, when really you’d have no one without her. You’re a short, scrawny, nerdy moron that locks himself in a dark room for days on end just to complete a single project, then emerge to eat cold pizza and watch Despicable Me because your pea-sized brain can’t comprehend anything that isn’t brightly colored animation. If you take away your alpha status, no girl would even look in your direction but you have someone literally at your side, the only human not afraid of you, trying to figure out everything there is to know about you, yet you can’t give her the time of day. You probably don’t even know a damn thing about her.”

“Unfortunately, I know more than enough about her.” Hongjoong spoke, all amusement gone as he glared at the older male, their mindlink clogged with threatening growls and barks, trying to keep their fight from getting physical.

That first sentence alone made Hongjoong’s blood boil, his face contorted in a mixture of pain and disgust. How could Seonghwa even say that to him, plotting to steal his mate all because he was a bit uncertain? That all it was, uncertainty! He didn’t hate you, or wish you weren’t around, he actually grew to anticipate and enjoy your ramblings about your day or whatever new thing caught your attention, he actually even loved the lunches that you’d make for him. He couldn’t help that over the years he grew to crave you more, but the thought of fully accepting you and solidifying that the best years of his life were about to be gone, restricted to one person forever before he could even determine for himself his likes and dislikes, what he considered real love rather than what fate wanted him to feel, was terrifying. So he distanced himself from you, spending the years watching you from afar in hopes that if he didn’t get too close he wouldn’t lose his free will completely.

But it was a bad habit that seeped into your college years, everyone assuming he cared so little for you when he knew everything there was to know. He knew where you worked before any of the boys did, where your apartment was, the fact you were a business major planning to open a bakery once you graduated, he knew you didn’t have classes on Fridays but always came back on campus because you prepared meals for the men’s and women’s wrestling team which is where Jongho first met you, he knew you hated mint chocolate chip ice cream just like him but loved chocolate ice cream with mint chips, he knew you were always cold but overheat at night and wake up at exactly 3am to change into shorts and a tank top to be more comfortable, he knew about the birthmark on your lower back and a scar on your hip from a cat scra-

“Holy shit, you’re insane.” Wooyoung breathed out, Hongjoong’s eyes focusing on the room in front of him, a mixture of shocked expressions and amused ones filling his vision.

“I liked it better when we thought you hated her but, hyung, you’ve been stalking her since your freshman year of high school?” Jongho asked cautiously.

It was a weird feeling bubbling inside Hongjoong, the primary one being embarrassment. He knew he’d sometimes unintentionally rant in their mindlink whenever he was upset but to make an almost decade long secret public to his pack, revealing the intimate details of how you slowly but surely ingrained yourself into not only his brain but his life until he felt like he was going crazy? It made him tear up, his face burn with a blush as he was finally forced to face the truth. He pushed you away but wanted you more than anything. He wanted to spend his years free to explore before finally settling down only to reject every girl that came close to him simply because they weren’t you, and he took that anger out on you. What was he so mad about? The fact you stood by his side with a smile happily accepting him while he tried and failed to lust after other women? Was he that pathetic? He could admit now that he was and, if he could turn back time, he would’ve introduced himself and walked you to class. Just the first step of fully accepting you.

“You’re still ranting in the mindlink, you know?” Seonghwa said softly, regaining the once again lost focus of his alpha who was too consumed in his own pity to notice the tension died down, their gazes soft as they tried to sympathize with their leader.

“Sorry. I wish none of you heard that stuff.” He admitted, sniffling as he realized he’d been crying, hand hurriedly wiping away tears from his cheeks.

“Well, it’s a good thing we did. We still think you’re a moron, but at least we know you’re feeling guilty about all of this.”

“Don’t worry, Joong, if you know (Y/n) like we do, she always sees the best in people, so she’ll forgive you. But you still have to apologize.” San followed up Mingi’s words, wrapping an arm around Hongjoong shoulders while giving a bright smile in response to his weak one.

“She’s my TA in Calc 3 and I have that class around noon tomorrow. She always stays after in case anyone has questions, so I can stall until you get there.” Yunho offered, Hongjoong feeling a slight warmth in his chest thinking about it all. He’d let go of his insecurities, fix everything he’s done wrong, and finally have you as his. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.

And tomorrow did come, but you were nowhere to be found. When Hongjoong arrived to Yunho’s class, he was met with a sympathetic apology on the account that you didn’t show up that day, you weren’t even at any of your other classes. The boys even tried to find you at work only to be met with a mob of your pissed coworkers led by Miyeon, threatening to rip their heads off if she saw their faces again. And that lasted for nearly 3 days, Hongjoong’s hope slowly dwindling away until he noticed two figures sneakily meeting halfway at the school’s entrance to exchange a large white cooler.

He recognized those bulky arms anywhere, and the thick Aussie accent was a dead giveaway as well, especially when it was followed by a distinct giggle. There was no mistaking it was Chan, but he could barely see the person with him, their voice low as they spoke to him and face hidden beneath a hood, but the scent emitting from them was strong, and beautiful, his eyes widening as he finally took it all in. You looked different, wearing a dark grey matching sweat suit which was a complete 180 from your usual attire, and you smelled faintly of passionfruit, possibly a change to your normal shampoo in an attempt to disguise yourself, but that thought only made his heart hurt more. Were you intentionally avoiding him? He could understand you hating him now but you were even ignoring the others in his pack, going from friends to complete strangers in a matter of hours and leaving them all devastated. He was going to fix this, here and now, if not for him and you than for his friends.

“Jongho’s been pretty upset about you not responding to his text. It’d really help if you stopped by to at least let him know you’re okay.” Chan pleaded, giving you a dimpled smile and hopeful gaze that made it impossible for you to hide your blushing face and grin.

“I just need a little more time, Chris. It’s like if you broke up with your mate and all the friends you made through her left you too. Except it’s me being broken up with by someone who was never my boyfriend and his friends came to me instead of me going to them. But, still, it hurts all the same.” You laughed slightly, trying to find some humor in the situation.

“You’re the only person that still calls me Chris.” He commented, trying to redirect the conversation as you clearly weren’t fine, neither of you noticing the burning glare just a few meters away.

“I just think it fits you best.” You admitted, neither of you breaking eye contact until you gasped, staring down to the box of food and drinks you bought.

“You should hurry to practice. You need to eat beforehand otherwise you’ll be weak after warmups alone. And I worked hard making those sandwiches and cutting that fruit, if it goes bad because you stayed here to cheer me up, I’ll really be mad.” You tried to put on your best scowl, your scolding undermined by his amused laughter.

“Alright, fine. Just stay safe, please?” You nodded, waving as you watched him turn to head to the school’s gymnasium, missing the way Chan glared at Hongjoong as he continued forward. Chan and Hongjoong’s packs were close, family almost, so the news of what Hongjoong did and why reached them in no time, and Chan was hoping today things would be fixed soon because, apart from you being the wrestling team’s beloved personal chef, you were like a sister to him.

You wasted no time leaving the campus behind, ready to go back into the darkness of your bedroom to forget you existed. You really wish you could disappear, that the ground would split beneath you and swallow you whole, but you couldn’t just leave when your phone was filled with calls and messages from friends and coworkers wondering where you were and if you were fine. So many people cared, what kind of person would you be to leave them all alone like this, especially when all they wanted was to help you? But being alone helped, trying to live life as normal as possible while adjusting to a Hongjoong-free lifestyle helped. It would take some time, but you’d find your normal someday. All you had to do was avoid-

“(Y/n)!” Your body froze.

He rarely called you by your name but his voice was distinct on its own, and it was the most sickly sweet thing you’ve ever heard. You wanted to run, to never have him see you like this. Dear god, how did you even look right now? You felt like shit, you probably looked the part. Dammit, Hongjoong was right all along, you were shit. You were worse than shit, you were just pathetic. A pathetic, lovestruck loser itching to just turn and say hi, to have the conversation you always dreamed of but you knew that wouldn’t happen. He’ll yell at you again. He’ll-

“(Y/n)? H-hi…” Hongjoong said shyly, standing right in front of you as you shrank into yourself.

His brows furrowed as you looked away, mentally arguing with yourself as you went over the days of self-reflecting you did, trying to find some lesson from your solitude to aid in this situation and it was starting to scare him. You were never quiet with him, you always had something to say even if it wasn’t important but, luckily, he had something important to say and hopefully you’d listen.

“I- T-the other day…. I w-was…. I-I’m sorry.” He stammered out, this confession a lot harder than he thought, especially now that you were facing him, eyes just as innocent as the day he met you, but he couldn’t run away this time.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, honestly. Everyone told me I was an idiot and I think they’re right. I treated you like you were garbage for years, all because I didn’t want to be mated so young. I just wanted to date around before I finally settled down with someone and, m-maybe I could’ve just said that, so you didn’t have to wait around for me all these years but, I never hated you, and I can’t hate you. I know you won’t forgive me right away but I think it’s only fair that I can be a good mate to you now.”

He swallowed hard, trying to suppress the desperate ‘please’ he wanted to add as your pupils began to shake, almost as if you were a machine malfunctioning, none of your self-reflecting preparing you for this moment, the only thing coming to mind being some sad blog article you found during your second day of isolation. ‘Forgiving and forgetting too soon is dangerous. Find yourself’. It wasn’t what you wanted but maybe what you need, what he needed. So, without hesitation, you smiled brightly at him although it never reached your eyes, clearing your throat as you tried to keep your voice steady.

“Hongjoong, I can’t forgive you easily. I waited for you, I tried to make you accept me and it always ended up with me getting hurt. Honestly, if I just treated you like a regular crush, maybe we could’ve forgotten we’re meant to be together until after graduation or something.” You laughed awkwardly, wanting to look away as his eyes softened in the saddest way, but you needed to do this, eyes locked on his as you exhaled through your nose.

“I couldn’t be by your side all the time, so whether you dated anyone is still a mystery to me but, I’ve been alone for seven years hoping you’d come around, and I think it’s time I take those years back. I’m not sure if what you said counted as a rejection or if we’re still mates but, if we are, we’ll come back to each other eventually. For now, I just need some time.”

You managed to walk past him without completely collapsing in tears, speed walking back to your apartment as you tried to swallow sobs, not even taking in the way Hongjoong stumbled to follow you, almost like a zombie as he attempted to plead for you to reconsider, to force himself to accept your decision but ask how long you needed, but he couldn’t do that. He tried to picture himself in your shoes, seven years of pining only to be publicly humiliated by the person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. He couldn’t blame you for not forgiving him, and he sure as hell couldn’t force you, so he let you go, trudging in the opposite direction to his two story apartment just to hide in his bedroom until he didn’t feel like dying anymore.

But as more days passed and it only got harder for Hongjoong. He barely left his room but also never slept, every song he created was played in minor scales to fit his now melancholy life. The charisma he typically exuded was hidden with puffy red eyes from crying and a yellow knit sweater a few sizes too large for his body but it was the only thing that comforted him at this point, especially when knowing you had reconnected with everyone but him.

After exactly one week of distancing yourself from the world, you caved and meet with the boys individually (sans Hongjoong), apologizing for needing space although they completely understood, but the way each interaction ended made your guts churn with guilt. ‘Stay safe, luna’, that’s how all of them addressed you before they left, leaving you filled with the desire to return to how things were before. You missed your friends and, the fact your mate was finally ready to claim you, only made you want to forgive Hongjoong sooner. But you needed to be your own person for once. You had seven years worth of relationships to catch up on and you wouldn’t let them keep you from that.

Except when they did.

You should’ve known it was risky letting them know you had a date so soon, just some other human on campus that had yet found his soulmate. They sounded happy for you, Wooyoung going so far to ask where you met and where your date would be and what time, giving suggestions on what to say and wear since it was “your first”. It was a sweet gesture, and you thought nothing of it, but that information meant everything to him which led to now, the boys huddled together in their living room with a slightly paler and sickly looking Hongjoong curled into the corner of their loveseat.

“So they’re going bowling tonight at 8:30? We could ask her about it tomorrow in case she’s into him because hyung isn’t looking too great.” Yeosang commented, everyone looking to Hongjoong as he managed to drown his entire body within the sweater, only his head visible as he stared ahead like some lost puppy.

“He’s just weak from not being around her for so long, but their bond is still there so he’s fine. But we have nothing to worry about. She won’t fall in love with him so don’t get too involved, she’ll just stop talking to us again if we meddle too much.” Seonghwa warned, a chorus of ‘Okays’ confirming their dismissal as they all stood to retreat to their bedrooms.

“Wait, who is she going out with anyways? There’s only 10 other humans at that school.” Mingi’s question cause everyone to freeze, the silence in the room contrasting with the faint answer Woooyung gave in their mindlink, Hongjoong turning to look at him with hurt and pain.

“Why didn’t you say it was Yugyeom?!”

“I did! Just not to you, until now because I forgot to tune you out.” He said shyly, flinching as Hongjoong ran past him and right out their front door, none of them sure of what to do at that point.

It was such a minor yet major detail. Kim Yugyeom was admittedly the most wanted person any of them could think of. Human girls wanted him, werewolf girls wanted him, most guys couldn’t help but stare whenever he passed by. He was gorgeous with eyes that sparkled every time he smiled. He spoke about his soulmate with so much passion despite never meeting her, following his words with how he’d treat any girl before her with the same love and care. It was a pick up line meant to hook any hopelessly romantic girl in, the sweetest way to say their relationship wouldn’t last. But this was Kim Yugyeom, they knew it was only meant with good intentions, not wanting to string someone along with the false hope they’d be together forever. And that’s exactly what you needed. To explore while knowing you’d always come back to Hongjoong. But that’s not what Hongjoong wanted. He didn’t want you dating anyone else, finding temporary happiness when he was supposed to give you a lifetime of it. And humans were more flexible with their soulmates, they had the privilege to move one without the pain or withdrawals of losing their mate. Werewolves just died if they were rejected, heartbreak and loneliness consuming them, so there was no telling how your heart would react to someone exactly like you. Maybe you’ll fall in love with him. Maybe he’ll abandon his soulmate for you once he learns how amazing you are. Maybe Hongjoong would die from lack of food and sleep before he even reached your apartment, which he was still sprinting full speed towards. It was only 7:30pm, meaning he had an hour before you and Yugyeom went out, but he didn’t have a plan. He had no idea what he was doing, but he needed to stop you before you found yourself in love with someone else.

It was like some scene in a drama, Hongjoong’s chest heaving as he finally came to a stop just outside your apartment. His body felt like giving out as he climbed the two flights of stairs to your door, only to find you waving shyly to Yugyeom just as he turned away, trying not to lock eyes with Hongjoong but Hongjoong’s eyes were only trained on you, yours finding his as a panicked look crossed your face. Should you look away? Go back inside? What was he even doing there? You never told the boys your address… You gasped as he approached you, swallowing hard as you tried to remain calm, but how could you stay calm when you finally got a good look at him?

“Oh my god, are you okay?” You didn’t hesitate to ask, stepping further from your door to examine him, reaching for his face only to stumble back to your original position. You were making great progress, you can’t do that now.

“I’ve been better, but even then I wasn’t fine.” He said with a dry chuckle, your lips curling into a fake smile to not show how much his appearance affected you. He looked like he was on the brink of death. You knew wolves would get sick without their mates, but was it really killing him? Were you killing him?

“Joongi-Uhm, Hongjoong, how about you sit down? You look like you’re going to faint.” You offered, stepping back to allow him inside, watching him stumble past you and straight to your sofa as if he owned the place.

It was such an awkward moment for you, watching the poor boy curl into himself as his sweater practically became his body, a sigh leaving your lips as you shut your door. Instead of healing yourself, you had to heal him. It was oddly pitiful but your instincts screamed at you to do it.

Hongjoong shut his eyes as he eased into your sofa, feeling more comfortable than he was in his own home, even more so with your scent invading his senses, your body warmth radiating onto his as you carefully took a seat, trying to figure out what to do.

“Do you need food, or water? Or a doctor?” You asked, the giggle he let out this time weak but still enough to make your heart beat a bit faster.

“I just need you near me.” He admitted.

You let out a squeak as he shamelessly fell into your lap, head comfortably resting against your thighs as he laid face up. You couldn’t stop your hand from easing through his unnaturally colored locks, melting at how soft they were, bottom lip trapped under your teeth as you had to fight off the desire to cup his face. You’ve never gotten this close to him and he wasn’t telling you to go away, instead letting out content purrs as he nuzzled closer to you, your eyes burning with unshed tears. Why couldn’t he just want you from the start? You’d would’ve been able to hold him like this all the time, to see him happy and healthy rather than a shell of his former self. But he didn’t want you, and now he was at your apartment just to keep himself from dying. It was silly to think he cared about you as much as he did himself.

“Of course you do.” You whispered, laughing bitterly as your hand left his hair, moving to his arm to ease him back up into a sitting position.

You couldn’t get past him no matter how hard you tried, nor did you want to, but every word he said, everything he’s done, followed you like a ghost haunting some poor unsuspecting soul. Why did you have to love someone who didn’t love you the same? Why was this your life?

“Can you just hold me a little longer? P-please?” He asked with a cute whine to his voice.

You sighed and grabbed his arm, gently pulling him back into his previous position, fingers massaging his scalp as he finally opened his eyes to look at you. You were beautiful, even with the frown lines etched into your face. He wonder how long they’ve been there, especially when he’s only seen you smiling. Maybe you spent your alone time more upset than he thought. Where you upset before he came? You couldn’t be when Yugyeom was here, no one could be upset with him around. Except Hongjoong. He felt a grudge building inside him just from the mere thought of him with you. He felt like interrogating you on what he was doing here in the first place and why you gave your address out to just anyone, but it wasn’t his place to ask and probably wouldn’t be for a while, but jealousy and rage was all he felt so any reasonable thinking was thrown out the window.

“I don’t want you to see Yugyeom anymore.” He said definitely, your eyes widened as you stared at him incredulously, an amused giggle leaving your lips.

“That’s not for you to choose, Hongjoong. I told you I need time-“

“Those seven years you’ve been waiting I couldn’t be with anyone else. I always compared every girl I met to you and none of them came close to being as perfect, now I have to watch you date some dance major with pretty eyes because I was an insecure dumbass? He has a soulmate, and he’s always going to choose them no matter how much you like each other, so why not save your feelings? I’ll wait as long as you want me to, but just don’t fall in love with anyone else.”

You tried so hard to hide your smile. This wasn’t something you typically liked, possessive guys being on the list of things you found annoying, but considering it was Hongjoong, his soft eyes hard and sharp as their hue seemed to go pitch black as his words were both sweet and demanding, made you fall in love just a little more than you already were. You wanted to take this as his confession, as a truce in your previous one-sided enemyship, to tell him that you told Yugyeom you couldn’t go out with him because you could only see yourself with Hongjoong, but you needed time. Not time to date and explore the way you thought he had, but to watch him work as hard as you did to prove he was ready and willing to love you. It was a little malicious, sure, but it was all in good fun. He’d always be your mate after all.

“I don’t know, Hongjoong, you really hurt me…”

“It hurt knowing I wasn’t with you.” Your smile cracked through, causing his own to appear, your game already over.

“And how do you think I felt? You think you can make up seven years worth of waiting so easily?”

You squealed as he shot up, magically seeming more alive than when he arrived, eyes full of life and his lips and cheeks the same rosy color as when you met him, hands warm and soft as he cupped your face.

“Good thing I have forever to do it.”

The silence was comfortable but unbearable, especially as he hesitated to lean closer, your lips puckering to guide him but he didn’t seem to be catching on and, when he did, you shifted back, laughing awkwardly as you stared at one another, both of you taking a deep breath as you finally closed the gap between you, a weird electric sensation you could only dream of as your lips slowly grew accustom to one another, moving so slow yet feeling so urgent. It was all still new to the both of you, romance and dating only now becoming part of your lives, but it was exciting knowing that you had years ahead of you to perfect it, your entire lives dedicated to loving one another. And it only took a seven year crush to get you here.

[privateeye-cj]

Detective Ran AU

Wanted to write more for ShinRan week, but life interfered. So here's one of the two one-shots I've been working on. Beware, I cannot write straight straight romance for the life of me, so this piece is Ran-centric, going for ShinRan but is basically a poly-scenario.

Prompt: First Meetings - What if Ran and Shinichi didn't grow up together

Audience: 12+

Warnings: Mention of canon-typical violence

Spoiler-Warning: References an Epidsode in the 600reds

The bus was crowded. Polite people moving to the door with their hands pressed to their bodies. Ran and Sonoko both held their breaths as ten people squeezed out of the door behind Ran. It was warm and both were annoyed they had to keep the blazer of their school uniform on in public.

Just as they took a deep breath of relief, eight new people streamed in, pressing Sonoko against Ran, as they tried to be the first to reach the one now empty seat.

“Mister,” a polite voice started, sounding a garbled mixture of English and Japanese with just that word. Young, male, Ran noticed. The tone was reproving.

Just the same moment, Sonoko stiffened angrily, and tried to turn, mouth opening. Ran saw a hatted figure behind her, hand outstretched and reacted instantly: Shoving past Sonoko, she grabbed the hand of the molester.

Her first punch failed to connect to the chin she aimed for, instead, she was blocked by an elbow. People started to shove away from them. Now Ran had enough space to try a low kick, which, again, was thwarted by a lightning-fast counter. Breathing hard, Ran tried to concentrate so her next move would connect where she wanted it to.

The hatted figure said “You are mistaken,” in a friendly and astonishingly relaxed voice, that was slightly tinted by a foreign accent.

“Bullshit,” Ran replied with anger, “You just grabbed Sonoko’s ass and you are going to pay for it.” Grimly, she adjusted her stance.

Shinichi hadn’t seen that coming. Sera had followed his gaze and moved to stop the molester. She never waited for words to clear up something like this.

At the same time, the beautiful and athletic woman next to the blonde being grabbed had acted, but got Sera instead.

He was lost in admiring her fluid karate moves and fierce attitude. Not many people made Sera work for it. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts and interfere.

“Sera-san wasn’t the culprit,” the voice from before cut it, the same accent fighting with Japanese vowels, but more Japanese-sounding than before. It belonged to a young man about Ran’s age, neatly dressed in slacks, a button-down, and a blazer. His dark brown hair had a distinctive cowlick.

“It was this guy,” he said, pointing to a nervous looking man in his 30s, who tried to edge away from them.

“I was just about to warn him off when both you and Sera-san,” he nodded to the hatted young man next to him, “noticed and intervened.”

Ran’s gaze moved from that ‘Sera-san’ to the 30s-something guy and back. Guilt was clearly written on the older man’s face. She scowled at him. Sonoko joined her in scowling and both moved in his direction.

“Ah, no, I didn’t mean to, … I’ll never do it again,” the man stammered, backing away from them. The moment the bus stopped and a door behind him opened, he bolted.

Ran exhaled loudly, gathered herself and turned around. She blushed slightly as she faced Sera-san.

“I’m sorry for attacking you. I should have made sure of the facts, first.” Now that the slim figure wasn’t an enemy, she could be envious of this person’s acumen and incredible speed. She would really like to spar with this person.

“I forgive you since you are my type.”

Ran blushed a bright red. How much she hated how easily embarrassed she was.

“You are embarrassing her, quit it,” she heard the other man say in an undertone. Ran’s eyes fell to the man, who gave her a tentative and apologetic smile.

Shinichi sighed silently to himself. Sera was an automatic flirt whenever an attractive woman was also good at something. Especially self-defense. He’d rather like to get to know the stranger himself. So Sera better not scare her off.

His smile got one in reply. He relaxed.

Sonoko took the stage to let Ran cool her blushes.

“I thank you all three for coming to my recue. We were just on our way to the cake buffet at Haido Hotel, can I invite you for a coffee in thanks?” She looked both men in the eye.

Sera-san was smirking, but nodded agreeably, eyes wandering over Sonoko appreciatively. The other guy was staring at Ran and only agreed after she gave a slight nod. “Interesting…” Sonoko thought.

Ran was still blushing. They couldn’t be far from the hotel; she’d rather walk there then make more of a spectacle of herself. Sonoko was talking easily to the guys, but Ran was tongue-tied, her eyes wandering to the taller one with mostly straight dark brown hair, except for the cowlick. He caught her looking more than once. Turning her gaze away in haste, she never noticed how he did the same.

“Ah, can we walk the last two stations? I think I need to stretch my legs before we get there,” her voice was a bit unsteady. Sonoko, turning to her, nodded agreement and so they filed out as soon as the bus stopped. People were making way to let them pass.

The sun was shining and they walked leisurely over the broad pavement.

“So,” Sonoko enquired as she adjusted her Gucci handbag, “you are not Tokyoites? Are you just visiting, in the middle of term?”

The taller man laughed. “Ah, and I had hoped to have lost my accent, my mother tried to train in out of me.” His eyes momentarily met Ran’s, crinkled in a smile, inviting her to share the joke. Ran couldn’t help but smile back, even though she was still flustered by his attention.

“Oh, we just moved here,” Sera-san put in. We were looking around while we wait for uncle to come back from a trip, so we can get the keys.” A friendly smile accompanied this explanation, but somehow Ran was reminded of a cat with canary-feathers between its teeth. Maybe it was that snaggle-tooth.

Sonoko asked more questions, extracting that they have lived in the USA before–strange, Ran mused, I’d rather place their accent in London, I wonder why?

Just as they reached the hotel lobby, a loud crash from behind the building, followed by a scream got everyone’s attention. Both men exchanged a glance, excused themselves and ran out.

Sonoko grabbed Ran and said “It’s your day off. Even if something happened, it can take care of itself.”

Ran sighed. “Yes, you are right.” She looked out of the glass windows on the side of the lobby, seeing the taller guy come into view with a phone next to his ear. He leaned against the glass, explaining something at length.

“They know where to find us,” Sonoko pulled her over to the elevators going to the top floor, “if they can tear themselves away from sensationalism.” She smiled at Ran.

“It’s a good test if they really are interested,” she continued once the elevator door closed behind them.

“S O N O K O!”

Ran didn’t admit she was sad when they didn’t show. There were many police cars still outside when they left, and Ran slunk out, making sure she wouldn’t been seen by any police officer. She had promised Sonoko this was a day off.

The next morning at school, Sonoko was dissecting the two guys from the day before. “I really was sure they were both interested in you,” she told Ran.

“Shut up,” Ran told her, blushing. “You make me sound like a man-eater.”

Sonoko laughed. “Sera-san seemed more like a lady-killer.”

The teacher came in, followed by two new students. The tall guy from yesterday. His eyes widened when he saw Ran.

And Sera-san… IN A SKIRT?

When her eyes flew back to the man, boy, she corrected herself, his eyes twinkled with suppressed laughter.

Somehow, it felt like an invitation to laugh with him and she liked him all the better for it.

[iwillsearchtheuniverse4u]

See You In My Dreams, Stranger

Sik-k smut | khh smut

Warnings: SMUT! ORAL! (f and m receiving) PUBLIC? (not really tho)

Preview: Meeting a stranger on my night walk down the river turns out to be one of the best nights of my life.

It was one of those restless nights that I’ve been dreading ever since I started attending university. I couldn’t sleep, the thought of not knowing where my life is headed keeping me awake every single night. I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t brush my teeth or remember to drink water, I just felt like existence was so utterly useless when all my dreams have been swept under a rug somewhere because I was too afraid to act upon them. I’d been dreaming of becoming a translator but all the odds of the world were against me so I chose some apparently more ‘useful’ business degree that I hated with all that I had in me. Because of my perfectionism I had been attending all of my online classes and excelling at them but I felt empty, I felt like I had been contributing to everything I hated the most in this society. At the same time I was just too afraid to change my major because I felt like I had to do something impressive to the outside world, something that would make people respect me.

Just another night of endless tossing and turning, tears streaming down my face, wondering if life does ever get better than this. I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up, took a few steps towards the light switch in the corner of my one room apartment and pressed it. The cheap yellow light bulb lit up the room. The floor next to my mattress was covered in books I was trying to study from and my notes covered in smudged ink. I had a bad habit of crying while studying, sleeping, listening to music and showering, every activity that demanded me to be alone in my little space that had never really felt like home at all. Not much else was in that room apart from a small refrigerator, a microwave oven, my mattress, a closet and a wooden bookshelf. I also had a tiny bathroom that always smelled a bit moldy if I forgot to spray the air freshener three times a day.

I decided to go for a walk along the river as it became clear I wasn’t getting a second of sleep in that night. I hastily put on my black leggings and a hoodie with my high school’s logo on it. I desperately needed to get away from my own thoughts so I grabbed my phone and my earphones that were tied into little knots as always. I couldn’t afford the wireless ones because my scholarship was kept safe in my bank account where I was saving every last cent just in case I decided to drop out and go move to...run away to a foreign country where my name sounds like a whisper of the distant wind. As I was locking my door I heard one of the neighbors flush their toilets. Most of them were students like me or people living on part-time jobs, I never really met any of them, they were just familiar faces I would probably forget in a year after moving out.

The streets were quiet, only the sounds of air conditioners and an occasional motorbike or a car passing by me. I checked my phone to see the time, the picture of my favourite singer’s face lighting up my screen: 3.30am. Of course other parts of the city were probably very much alive at this time of the night but my area was populated only by grocery stores, cafes and libraries, not a single club in sight. The only lights I could see where streetlights and some LED signs. I headed towards the river trying to untie my headphones. I put them in my ears and decided to lose myself in the beats of one of those hyped-up rap songs. I put the volume up just so it was a bit uncomfortable and let my ears adjust to the blasting music.

I finally reached the riverside and started walking along the flow of the water. I couldn’t hear it but it still resonated with my mind better than the rustling sound of the city. There was a road along the river that ended somewhere within the green forest because the are was populated with some important bird species that I could never remember the name of. I sat on the bench at the beginning of that forest, my mind still dissolved in the loud beats coming out of my earphones. Even though my ears were covered with a thick layer of my long brown hair I was sure the music could be heard by anyone standing within a 1 meter ratio. I didn't mind, it was 4 am, people were either asleep or sloppily making out in a club somewhere far away. Thinking about the things I was missing out on started to become louder than the music and I let my tears fall. I was overworked, overwhelmed and empty, I couldn't keep it in. Not that I ever tried. I had never been good at hiding my emotions.

Looking at the night view of the city on the other side reflecting on the surface of the river, getting lost in my thoughts, I felt the bench move ever so slightly under my body. I looked to the side and almost fainted at the sight of a dark shadow sitting beside me. My heart started beating and I stood up to leave in case it was a stranger trying to talk to me in the middle of the night. As I took my first step away from the bench the person lightly touched the fabric of my sleeve. I looked back at him. I was certain it was a man judging by his broad shoulders and a black cap on his head. I removed my headphones, my heart still beating as if I had been running for the last 3 hours. "Excuse me. I wasn't trying to bother you or anything. I just like to look at the city at night when my head gets all crowded and I can't think straight. Don't go just because of me." His voice was deep and raspy but had an elegant tone to it, it felt  calm but distant as if he had been lost in thought. He was looking at me and the lights of the city were playfully jumping around in his eyes but his expression was the complete opposite. He seemed broken. I couldn’t let myself leave him, partly because he seemed significantly depressed and partly because he was astonishingly beautiful. My feet were unable to move, I stood there for a moment contemplating my options but my gut feeling sat me down next to him.

As we were sitting, each on one side of the bench, looking at the sparkly surface of the river my heart calmed down and minutes passed, none of us speaking, just the sound of the river mixed with my music flowing through the night air. "You were crying." He stated with a regretful tone, almost whispering. My cheeks flushed with warmth, I looked at his profile, him still staring at the waves. "I just thought I was alo-" "Don't. Feelings aren't something to be ashamed of. They're just as much a part of you as your legs and arms are. If people feel burdened it's usually their problem because they've never been faced by their own emotions. They just don't know how to act and feel uncomfortable." He talked slowly and didn't bother looking at me. It felt like his words were directed at the universe or at himself just at the general direction he was speaking, he looked so lost. I didn't notice I was staring until he looked at my eyes and smiled. It was one of those crooked smiles, filled with a certain type of worry I couldn't identify. "You can tell me why you were crying. I probably won't remember tomorrow anyway. I can lend you my ears for tonight, maybe I'll forget all about my own problems." His gaze moved back to the view as he sat back and crossed his arms on his chest. At that moment I felt like telling him every little thing about my life. It had been so long since I had anyone who would just listen without the constant urge to solve my problems but just LISTEN. I stopped myself. "I won't let you get off the hook that easy. I have a feeling that you're the one not facing your own problems. Why don't you lean on someone for a change?" I said, determined to make him speak. He looked at me from the side and his head slowly followed his gaze, his eyebrows furrowing just so much I could notice. The anticipation of hearing his raspy voice that felt so familiar and kind made me turn off my music. This man that sat next to me just a moment ago suddenly awakened my curiosity. It took a while for him to speak as we were maintaining a really intense eye contact for what felt as hours. I was able to inspect every milimeter of his dark cat-like eyes. "You're good at reading people, I'll give you that." He smiled and turned back to face the view. "I'm just under a lot of pressure. People expect a lot from me, that's all...and sometimes it can get really frustrating when I can't really reach those expectations. Sometimes it feels like there are so many people doing my thing better than me, it scares me." He put his hands in the pockets of his black sweater still staring at something in the distance. I wasn't sure what to say but he also didn't expect me to say anything. He needed someone to listen and I was there to supply. I asked: "And what would your 'thing' be exactly?" in an effort to get to know more about this mysterious creature in front of me. "Music. I make music for a living." His eyes now focused on his shoes while he bit his lips in an effort not to smile. I finally realized why his voice sounded so familiar, it was freaking Kwon Minsik, Sik-k, Korea's best rapper, sitting next to me staring at the Han river. My hand automatically covered my mouth as I inhaled. I was trying to calm myself down. He probably heard my playlist which was full of his songs and it made me feel so embarrassed, my cheeks flushing with heat again. He tried really hard to hide his cocky smile as he turned his face away from me, looking into the woods on the other side. After a few minutes he asked: "So now are you going to tell me why you were crying?" He was facing me, looking at my eyes attentively like a little boy waiting for instructions from his teacher. I was still to shy to maintain eye contact so I looked at my hands on my lap. I told him my story about how lost and useless I felt in life. I told him about feeling lonely and scared about my future. I told him everything.

Before I knew it tears started to emerge from my eyes again and I tried really hard not to look at Minsik who was still facing me, one of his arms resting on the back of the bench. I cracked. I cracked in front of a man I respected the most. It was embarrassing but also liberating, I was done trying to impress the world. I dropped my head, defeated. Next thing I felt was his warm hand on my cheek, gently wiping the trail of my tears. I froze for a bit, my eyes widening at the sudden proximity of his body. I didn't even notice him getting closer before he put his hand on my face. He was sitting right next to me, the sides of our thighs touching ever so slightly. I could hear my heart rate getting faster and louder. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t control it. I looked at him and he removed his hand, still looking at me with his furrowed eyebrows, a concerned expression drawing on his face. "I'm sorry. You probably think I'm just being childish, crying at something as trivial as my major." I said with a shaky voice. "Don't ever say sorry for your feelings ever again, you hear me? And besides, I don't think it's stupid, I think it's just very important to you. You want to set goals for yourself but you're too afraid that you're not going to reach them so you just let them go. I would obviously tell you to go for what feels right and figure it out but that won't make you feel secure and I bet a lot of other people in your life told you this before." He replied with his deep raspy voice that I loved so much. He was so close. I could feel every breath on the surface of my cheek, his left arm was lying behind me on the back of the bench, it was almost like a hug. I couldn’t think straight anymore, my thoughts were intertwined with the smell of his cologne and the heat of his body so close to mine. He didn't feel like a stranger, he felt like someone who'd known me for years. I buried my face into my hands so I wouldn't make any thoughtless mistakes. Suddenly, he moved away from me, I couldn’t feel the proximity of his body anymore, the cold night air embracing my whole being. I peeked up from my palms. He was still looking at me with concern in his eyes, saying: "Sorry, I probably got too close for comfort, I'm not used to this kind of emotional thing, you know?" I felt a desperate need for physical touch, maybe it was the cold air, the anxiety or his perfect stature or maybe it was a mix of both but I straightened my back and looked directly into his eyes. It was so unlike me to be this bold but my body automatically moved closer to his.

He didn't move even when my face was only ten centimeters away from his. His expression changed, his forehead relaxing, his eyelids closing halfway when I suddenly felt his hand on my thigh. He grabbed onto it like he was holding on for his dear life and it made me want him more. I stopped, looking down at his lips when he pulled himself closer. His smooth lips crashing into mine made me lean back but he was only getting closer until he pinned me to the wooden bench beneath us. It was a passionate kiss, his hands didn't limit themselves to my thighs but discovered the hot surface of my skin under my hoodie. I felt a certain kind of euphoria, the kind you only get to experience when you do something completely out of character for you but turns out to be the best thing you could have possibly done.

As our kiss was getting more heated and his hands were groping my breasts for a couple of minutes the heat between my legs was getting unbearable. I could feel one of his hands roam down to my thigh and up to my ass where he got the grip to grind against me. Our lips and tounges still inseparable, I played along and grinded my heat against his growing buldge until I heard his raspy growls which sent shivers down my spine. As our tempo aligned we started breathing heavily and his lips left mine but relocated to my neck, definitely leaving more than just the incredibly pleasing pain. There was only a couple of pieces of clothing seperating us but the longing was excruciating. I started tugging on the collar of his black hoodie, trying to stop him as his lips attacked my collarbone. "Stop...I can'...I can't take it." I said with a soft voice in between my moans. His hips stopped moving immediately and he pushed himself above me so we were looking face to face, his body still on top of me. The loss of friction left me feeling needy. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to be this fast, I just thought-" I got up and laid a small kiss on his lips mid-sentence. "Come to my place." I whispered in his ear. I hadn't gotten to know this part of me before but that night felt different. Maybe it was the stream of emotions I had just shared with this stranger on top of me or the tone of his voice or the feeling of the cold night breeze but I didn't want to spend this morning alone.

When we finally arrived at my door he was standing so close to me I almost held my breath trying to get myself to collect my thoughts. I swear I could hear his heartbeat like it was my own, his lips suddenly tracing the curve of my neck as I was trying to insert the right passcode. I couldn’t even focus in my own hands as his were holding me around the waist so it took me a few moments to find the right digits. When the holy sound of the door lock unlocking echoed in the hallway he already pressed the knob in a hurry and pushed me inside. Because my one room apartment was so small it only took our intertwined bodies a solid 30 seconds to hit the mattress. He was planting sloppy kisses down my collar bone as I was tugging at his hoodie, trying to set him free of it. He stopped for a moment only to get up and remove it. The moonlight from outside my small window caressing his elegant body, lighting him up from the back like he was some beastly creature of the night taking advantage of my sadness. I couldn’t move, he was sitting on top of me, his face was covered in darkness but I knew he was watching me. "Do you have any idea how freaking beautiful you look in this light?" His raspy whisper made me quiver. I smiled and looked away while my body was hungry for his touch. I wasn't ready to show it.

He slowly got up with his hands trailing the shape of my thighs until he was holding me behind the knees, still looking at me. I felt his hands pull my leggings of as if it was the easiest thing in the whole entire world. He then proceeded to playfully pull at my panties, rubbed my knot and lowered his face to blow at my growing heat, my legs almost immediately trying to close at the sudden pleasure. He held them open while licking my folds twice, trying to see my reaction. I couldn’t hold in my moans and my spine curved in-synch with my breathing. It was something I haven't felt in forever, not like this, not this strong. I grabbed onto his hair and he seemed to read the ques as he got rid of the piece of fabric. His tounge was doing circles around my clit making me see fireworks and probably tugging at his hair with both hands so much that his scalp was in pain. He got me shaking in a matter of minutes and it was the best high I've ever experienced, sending all kinds of shivers down my skin, leaving me panting. He was far from done though.

"You taste so good, baby girl," he said unknowing of the affect it had on me. I got up to unzip his pants (which he more than willingly helped me with). I traced my fingers down his perfect abs to the hem of his boxers and lower, tracing his hard member while inspecting his face. As soon as I grabbed it through the fabric with my whole hand his eyelids shut closed and his head fell back in pleasure. I pulled him to the mattress and got on top of him trying to grind at his boxers, making them soaking wet. Then I got up to remove the rest of his clothing. I proceeded to trace my tounge along his shaft and sucking on his member, enjoying his growls. His hands were grabbing the sheets and the veins on his forearms and neck were starting to protrude. Every now and then a soft "fuck~" escaped his mouth, motivating me to keep going. Then he suddenly stopped me, saying: "I need to come inside of you, grab my wallet." Instead, I got up to open one of my drawers where I was saving a pack of condoms, praying they would fit him. I handed one to him and he was so quick about it, it got me thinking just how many girls he gets to play around with like this every night. The thought escaped my mind when he stood up to hold me around the waist, slowly pulling me back to bed with him. He undressed me, pulling my hoodie over my head only to discover I wasn't wearing a bra underneath. His dark eyes glowed with passion as he greabbed one of my nipples, tugging at it while kissing me sloppily. He threw me on the mattress and got on top of me. My body was heated up completely, I couldn’t even feel the night breeze coming from the opened window. He licked my sensitive nipples a few more times before aligning himself with my entrance and pushing inside of me. The fireworks from before were nothing compared to the utter pleasure I felt at that exact moment, Sik-k filling me up perfectly. My head fell back in moans and my back curved up again. I could have sworn I saw stars playing in the darkness of my eyelids. All I heard him say was: "Fuck..." He took his time waiting for me to adjust and started to quicken his pace while adjusting the angle. One of his hands was stroking my stomach and the other was holding onto my ass. I tried to mimic his movements, increasing the fraction of our bodies. The moans escaping our mouths felt so unholy they made it even more passionate. "I'm going to- I'm close!" I squealed throught the moans which made him go even harder and faster. My whole body tensed up and I grabbed onto the bedsheets pulling them off. His dick was starting to twitch inside of me, hitting all the right spots and I knew he was trying his best to make me come first which was a rare experience. I opened my eyes seeing him focused on me with his furrowed eyebrows, sweat dripping down the side of his jawline. My body was caught up in a wave of shivers, the walls of my pussy tightening so much it got him shaking as well. We were both just trying to ride out our highs with the last strenght we had. It was sweaty and suffocating but liberating at the same time, all of our thoughts disappearing for these unthinkable moments of pleasure. His hot body collapsed on top of me, both of us trying to catch our breaths again. "This was amazing." I told him in between breaths. He rolled over me to remove the condom and, to my surprise, came right back to lie beside me, his arms hugging me from behind. He kissed my neck and whispered in my ear: "See you in my dreams, stranger."

[pterodactylterrace]

Guys Like You Chapter 13

Title: Guys Like You

Chapter:  13

Chapter Summary:  I’ll trade your truth bomb with one of my own

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Smut. Tons of dialogue. I had trouble getting this one the way I liked it. It’s been rewritten a few times now.

{Prologue} {Chapter 1} {Chapter 2} {Chapter 3} {Chapter 4} {Chapter 5} {Chapter 6} {Chapter 7} {Chapter 8} {Chapter 9} {Chapter 10} {Chapter 11} {Chapter 12}

Henry's blood ran cold, his stomach dropping to his feet, his chest tightening like a vise. What was she saying? Had he made her feel inadequate? Like she wasn't good enough for him? Had he not paid enough attention to her? Why did she feel like this?

"Faye." Henry finally forced out, crossing the small room to sit on the edge of her bed, trying to collect himself before starting this conversation in earnest.

"It's ok, Henry. You're not going to hurt my feelings. I know I'm not a catch by any means. I mean... who wants used goods?"

"Faye." Henry repeated, more firmly this time. He took a slow breath before turning to face her more. "You need to stop. Just... stop."

"Henry, I know it's difficult, but it's something you need to hear."

"No. It's not. Faye... I don't care what other people have to say, because you know what? Whenever I picture myself happy anymore, it's with you. You're what I want. I want all of it. You're so much more than you think you are. You're a talented artist, an amazing mother and one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. Inside and out."

"Do you really expect me to believe that? You're an A-list movie star."

"And you're beautiful enough to catch my eye without even trying. I don't care what the rest of the world has to say. I want you. You make me happy. My home is wherever you and the baby are. I... fuck it, I love you Faye, and I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you like I should have."

"Henry, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm the problem."

"No, you're not. You make me happy. I want you. I love you." Henry insisted, gently taking her shoulders in his hands and looking deep into her eyes as he spoke. "Now please. Stop saying such terrible things about the woman I love."

"I... I just feel like I don't deserve you." Faye admitted, lowering her gaze and wiping at the tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She had to stay strong. She couldn't let him see her cry.

"You make me the luckiest man in the world every time you look my way. I'm crazy about you, and I mean everything I said." Henry assured, pulling her to his chest and wrapping her tight in his arms. "Move in with me?"

"What?" Faye breathed, her voice catching on a barely suppressed sob.

"I hate being so far away. It's not home without you two."

"That's not going to work out, Henry. There's no yard for Kal here, and not enough space in Kensington for everyone either."

"Then we'll find a new place. Whatever place you like. As long as I'm with you two, it's home to me."

"Options are a little limited. I can't move too far from here. This is where my job is."

"We will find you something wherever we go. You hate it there anyway."

"But my visa..."

"You worry too much."

"You don't worry enough!"

"Keep your job until we find somewhere you like. Then we will find you something there before you quit. I have thought things through, darling."

"What if I can't find anything?"

"Absolute worst case scenario, I can make up some bullshit job you do for me until something else comes up. Please, Faye? I'm going crazy being so far from you two."

"I'll think about it." Faye finally relented.

"That I can work with. Now while we're thinking, can we rethink what you're wearing to the premiere? It's the first time I'm showing my girlfriend to the public, and while you're beautiful in anything you wear, I'd really like to spoil you for the occasion."

"Like you spoil Briar?"

"I do not spoil her."

"Ice cream even though she didn't finish her dinner? Four bedtime stories? The fact that you are currently covered in pony stickers and glitter?"

"I see nothing wrong with any of it. I haven't seen her for a long time."

"Spoiling her."

"Fine then, I'm gonna spoil both my girls." Henry huffed, squeezing her a little tighter.

"Already have the baby spoiled." Faye insisted, fighting back a yawn, the emotional drain of their conversation finally taking its toll.

"Then it's her mum's turn. I'll call my stylist and see what he can do for you."

"Oh, Mr. Fancy with his stylist."

"Would you really trust me to dress myself for these things?"

"I'm imagining the blue tank top and your booty shorts for some reason."

"Which one? I have several blue vests."

"It's a tank top."

"England."

"I don't care what you say, it's not a vest."

"It is here."

"You know, I'd ask if you wanted to join me for a shower to get all that glitter off of you, but you'd probably have some bizarre English way of saying that too, and I just don't have the energy for that right now."

"No, I'm fine with however you say it, as long as I'm joining."

"You'd say anything for the chance to bone me again."

"That is true. Now let's go shower."

"Such a horn dog!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just sitting here holding a gorgeous woman and talking about getting her wet and naked and slippery. Forgive me for reading too far into that."

"I said you could shower with me, not that I was gonna get you off."

"You act like I'm above fucking my fist while standing in the back of the shower staring you." Henry scoffed, tossing Faye onto his shoulder and carrying her down the hall to the shower, ignoring her indignant squeals of protest.

"Henry!" Faye finally snapped when he had closed the bathroom door behind himself, finally earning an amused hum from the man carrying her around. "Put me down!"

"Fine." He sighed, gently setting her down, sending a mischievous glance her way before his fingers hooked into the waistband of her shorts, quickly jerking them and her panties down as he dropped to his knees, diving in to lick a stripe between her folds.

"What the... oh fuck." Faye sighed, her eyes fluttering closed, one hand resting on his head as she kicked one foot free of her clothing, Henry wasting no time in throwing it over his shoulder, to grant himself better access. His tongue was relentless, alternating between plunging inside of her, to flicking across her clit, to lapping up every drop of arousal he could, his hands gripping her ass, pulling her closer as he worked her over, spurred on by the whispered sound of his name falling from her lips.

"F-fuck... Henry!" Faye groaned, her hips and thighs tensing as she felt herself being drawn closer and closer to the edge, Henry latching onto her needy bundle of nerves, sucking hard while working it with his tongue, sending her crashing into her orgasm. If it hadn't been for his hands holding her ass so tightly, Faye was pretty sure she would have fallen from the force of her climax, months of pent up frustration being released in one toe curling orgasm.

"Damn it, Henry. A little warning next time."

"It's not exactly surprise oral if I warn you." Henry teased, reluctantly letting her go and standing back up to turn on the shower.

"Nice ass." Faye teased, swatting at him as soon as he bent over, her target chuckling and shaking his head at her antics.

"And you keep saying I'm the dork."

"You're my dork."

"Mmhmm. I'm starting to think you may be the dork in this relationship." Henry teased, pulling his shirt off while the water warmed and setting it on the countertop, Faye's intense gaze locking on him not going unnoticed. "Uhh, my eyes are up here, Miss Warren."

"I know. Just enjoying the rest of the view. You know what would make it better? If you took your pants off."

"And you keep saying I'm the one with a problem."

"Your current problem is too much pants." Faye taunted, pulling her old t-shirt off and sliding past him to get in the shower.

"Really? I could have sworn my problem was lack of pussy." Henry shot back, hurried hands working on his belt. Faye was innocently washing her hair when he finally fought his way free of the rest of his clothing, his greedy paws wasting no time in palming her breasts.

"Warning!" Faye gasped, grabbing onto his wrists to keep her balance.

"How's this for a warning? I'm gonna fuck you up against that wall." Henry explained, cupping the back of her neck and pulling her in for a passionate kiss before she could protest. His hands slid slowly down her body, caressing her skin with the pads of his fingers, her arms winding around his neck, trying to pull him closer.

"Hold on." Henry instructed, his hands venturing to her ass, grabbing generous handfuls and lifting her up, Faye clinging to him, the peril of their actions not lost on her. They were both one slip away from a world of hurt.

Henry was careful with her, gently pressing her back against the shower wall, kissing and nipping at the junction of her shoulder, slowly adjusting their limbs to his satisfaction before reaching around her hip and thigh, gripping himself tightly to seek out her entrance.

"Go slow." Faye requested, biting her lip at the burning stretch she was slowly becoming used to.

"I will." Henry assured, making sure he was stable and Faye was secure in his grasp before he began slowly rolling his hips into her, leaning back just enough to watch her face changing from somewhat pained, to content to desperate all within a few deep thrusts. He continued his languid pace, a shudder going down his spine as she grew more and more frantic at his slow, deep thrusts, her nails digging into his shoulders as she squirmed in his grasp, trying to gain anymore friction she could.

"Fuck slow, I want it now." Faye groaned, one hand sliding from his shoulders down between their bodies to work her sensitized clit.

"Then come for me, beautiful." Henry groaned, trying to catch a glimpse of Faye's hand working herself, his pace increasing until she was squeezing around him moaning softly and bucking her hips through her high.

"Fuck..." Faye groaned, her nails digging into his shoulder harder when his pace only increased at her release, her legs twitching and jerking with over sensitization.

"Almost... almost." Henry panted, seeming to read her mind as he desperately sought his own release. Faye held on to him tighter, feeling another coil forming in her belly, promising another release.

"Can you...?" Henry panted, his movements becoming sloppier as he neared his finish, though desperate to hold on until finished again.

"No... too much..." Faye groaned, her hips rolling into his in spite of her words, desperate for just one more. "Fuck..." She hissed, biting down on his chest as she came again, Henry quickly following behind her.

"Are you ok?" Henry asked once he caught his breath, carefully detangling himself from her and gently setting her back on her feet.

"Yeah... I'm great." Faye sighed, shooting him a relaxed grin. "You know, if this is how it's going to be after every time we argue, I may start having to pick fights with you more often."

"Or you could just ask me 'wanna fuck?' And I'll gladly do this all over again." Henry suggested.

"That would save me the trouble of having to find something to be mad at you about."

"Help keep my hair from going any more gray, too." Henry chuckled, pecking a quick kiss to her lips when she tried to lean around him for her loofah.

"Mmm, silver fox."

"Keep it up." Henry pouted, grabbing the soap from her and dumping some into his hand, working it into a lather to wash away the sweat. It wasn't until he reached his legs that a thought occurred to him, his brows furrowing as he let it bounce around his brain for a second.

"Oh shit!"

"What?" Faye half yelped, turning wide eyes up to him.

"I... fuck... I didn't think to use a condom." Henry groaned, letting his head drop against the tile.

"Oh... well... once should be fine, right?"

"It doesn't matter if it is, we agreed I'd wear one, and I didn't."

"Can you not beat yourself up over this?"

"You were very specific about always using protection."

"Well the fact that you're upset about it says a lot." Faye offered, running her fingers along his jaw. "We'll just need to be more careful."

"Should we use Plan B?" Henry suggested, finally forcing his gaze up to meet hers. "I don't want to put you into an uncomfortable position."

"Henry. Deep breath. It's fine. Everything is fine. My period ended two days ago. We're ok. Stop worrying yourself over it."

"Can I still feel like shit about it?"

"By all means."

[a-long-walk-in-the-forest]

Astrology of Sasuke, Itachi and Naruto: a semi-comprehensive analysis

I’ve been wasting away months of my life on this task and I’m finally reaching relatively passable results. This is the fruit of my labour thus far.

I really tried to be as unbiased as possible and keep several different interpretations of the characters in mind but I can’t guarantee that my personal feelings and opinions didn’t seep through to some extent (specially with regards to that whole genocide thing). I also don’t like some of these characters as “people” so I’ll warn you beforehand, I ended up bad-mouthing Naruto and Itachi a bit.

This post is broken up into four sections. 

Section one is a quick run up of the planets (only the ones I’ve been working on), houses and aspects. 

Section two is about the signs I’ve chosen for the characters, how I’ve chosen the degrees, and natal aspects. 

Section three is focused on degree interpretations. 

Finally, we will have a quick look at synastry and composite.

I’ve used equal temperament house system and cross check with placidus though because I don’t have Konoha’s longitude and latitude I’ve used Japan’s ones. Also, in this post we are assuming that Naruto’s planet is earth and their moon (and other planets) functions the same way as ours.

The degree interpretations are supposedly translations of La Volasfera published by Sepharia in 1898 (the translations. La Volasfera is older), Walter Henson’s interpretations and Kozminsky’s interpretation in that order. Keep in mind that they lived in different times and some of the things they say reaaallly reflects that.

For aspect and midpoint calculations, I couldn’t be bothered to calculate everything by hand so I wrote a short program for it; however, I didn’t debug much. It should work fine but just in case something slips by, I’m giving a warning. I also didn’t proof read so please excuse any mistakes.

This is a long post. Any additional comments, opinions, ... are welcome.  

Section one: Planets, houses, aspects and additional notes

Planets:

sun: ego, the father, vitality, stamina, core personality, the self, takes around a day to move a degree, ...

moon: the emotional mind, the mother, comforts, instinct, habits, moods, need, takes a couple of hours to move a degree, ...

mercury: the logical mind, petty daily habits, communication, rationality, learning style, ... 

venus: values, things we like, wants, love style, sensuality, takes around a day to move a degree, ...

mars: our drive, how we get and go after things, aggression, passion, takes a little more than a day to move a degree, ...

saturn: restrictions, the mentor, the somber and sober, constraint, structure, the serious things, takes around 8 days to 2 weeks to move a degree, ...

neptune: the collective unconscious, allusion and disillusionment, spirituality, the veil, deception, intuition, takes around 6 weeks to move a degree, ...

pluto: control, power, transformation, magnetism, fears, death, rebirth, takes around 8 weeks to move a degree, ... 

Houses:

first (the cusp is the ascendant): shallow identity, our first impression, temperament and constitution, presentation, ...

second: self-esteem, tangible values, possessions, material gains, ...

third: communication, siblings, the everyday things, short distance travel ...

fourth: roots, family, the mother, home, comfort zone, ...

fifth: fun, children, light-hearted romance, hobbies, creativity, ...

sixth: health, coworkers, servitude, pets, work, routine, ...

seventh (the cusp is the descendant): interpersonal relationships, ideal partner, open enemies, part of ourselves that we have a hard time integrating or accepting, partnerships, aesthetic preference, ...

eighth: death, crisis, what we hide, other peoples stuff that we want, taxes, death and rebirth, occult, fears, intimacy, painful transformation, ...

ninth: travel, philosophy, higher education, wisdom, expansion, world view, ...

tenth: public perception, career, reputation, ambition, greater community, admiration, delayed gratification, ...

eleventh: friendship, aspirations and wishes, where we are more accepting, humanity, how we relate to society, liquid income, ...

twelfth: what is hidden from us, the unconscious, spiritual things, the vague and boundaryless, idealization, escapism, ...

Aspects:

square (90): tension, dynamic, needs adjustment, major, ...

opposition (180): polarized, projection, can be tense but less than square, dynamic, major, ...

conjunction (0): blending, can be dynamic, major, ...

trine (120): comes naturally, can be taken for granted, harmonious, major, ...

sextile (60): similar to trine but slightly weaker and more moving (a fun spark sort of energy but not dynamic), major.

inconjunction (150): awkward, can’t be compromised, has to be tolerated, minor, ...

semi-sextile (30): similar to inconjunction, some say it’s more workable, minor, ...

semi-square (45): like square but weaker, minor, ...

quintile and biQuintile (72 and 144): creative, dynamic but compatible and comfortable, minor, ...

sesquiquadrate (135): making a mountain out of a molehill, acting energetically without understanding consequences, putting a lot of energy but the more you try the less you get results but when you don’t try they work really well, minor, ...

Additional notes:

on a full moon sun opposite moon occurs. The moon would be 180-225 degrees away from the sun. 

during the last quarter phase, the moon is 270-315 degrees ahead of the sun (Sasuke was born on this phase). 

mercury is up to 28 degrees away from the sun and venus is up to 48 degrees away from the sun.

aspect between sun and moon could denote how you perceive the relationships between your father figure and mother figure.

neptune retrograde happens every year when neptune is opposite sun.

plutonian relationships tend to be controlling, obsessive, disrespectful, painful and manipulative but can be transformative and life-changing.

neptunian relationships and about falling for an idealized image and not seeing things for what they are, rose coloured glasses, a feeling of betrayal and disillusionment once those glasses are shattered, forgiving easily, lack of boundaries in both good and bad ways, worshiping someone and putting them on a pedestal and never seeing them for what they are (humans), overlooking vices that shouldn’t be over looked, ...

both neptunian and plutonian relationships can manifest in nice ways but generally they tend to not do that as both people involved would have to be quite “evolved”, mature and level-headed for that among other things.

Section Two: natal signs and aspects

We will start this section with Sasuke, then we will have a look at Itachi and then Naruto. I’ve checked to make sure that it is mathematically possible (though I didn’t get into retrograde cycles much) for the characters to have these placements both on their own and relative to each-other. 

I put a picture of each character’s natal aspects and wrote which degree I used. If it is between several possible degrees I wrote it in orange, otherwise, it's green. I didn’t discuss the aspect interpretations much because this post would become far too long if I did. I also used pretty wide orbs because the exact degrees weren’t certain but the overall range was extremely likely.

Sasuke’s planets and house placements:

Ascendant: Capricorn 21-22 or 23-34 degrees

Sun: Leo 0-1 degrees (7th)

Moon: Taurus 22-23 degrees (4th) 

Mercury: Leo 12-13 degrees (7th)

Venus: Cancer 15 degrees (6th)

Mars: Scorpio 12 degrees (10th)

Saturn: Cancer 28-29 degrees (7th)

Neptune: Libra 4-5 or 5-6 degrees (8th)

Pluto: Aquarius 10-11, 13-14, 15-16 or 18-19 degrees (1st)

His sun was decided by the author and fits him quite well so there is no need for speculation. Sun in the 7th seems iffy but he does only go for people he respects, deems as reliable/competent and all that (that sun-saturn conjunction in the 7th house) and some of his identity is based on his interpersonal relationships. He also has that passive, non-confrontational way about him where people intrude on his personal space and disregard his boundaries all the time and he really doesn’t react as strongly as one would expect.

There seems to be a common consensus about his Ascendant in the anime astrology community. It is also worth noting that capricorn ascendants are often mistaken as scorpios for some reason. He is driven, comes across as standoffish and serious, has a slight aloof way about him, it puts his mars in the 10th and his moon in the 4th which is perfectly him, ... (I actually considered cancer ascendant for him at first because he had those doe eyes, soft features, youngish face, paler than his brother/father, family oriented, ... but I was torn between that and capricorn and everyone said capricorn so capricorn it is.) 

With regards to his moon, as I’ve already mentioned in my previous posts, I saw how Naruto was born on a full-moon and how the relationship between his parents had that masculine-feminine polarization and some other things and decided to put his moon in aries and if we were to calculate Sasuke’s moon with consideration to the moon’s average speed and the time between his birth-date and Naruto’s, we get moon in taurus (3rd decan, in his 4th house), and the degree will be explained in the third section but the house placement is apparent, given that Sasuke’s heart and comfort has always been with family, home and roots (clan). The cancer one also works because, again, heart with family and an innate gentleness and the 6th house can bring a need to be of use and good organization skills and an attention to order, efficiency and good dietary habits which he certainly does posses. 

Mercury in Leo is self explanatory. It’s either this or cancer and his style of communication is blunt, straightforward, sarcastic, confident, direct and to the point, dramatic, ... and his learning style matches leo more than cancer.

Venus in cancer is one that I doubted quite a good deal and there isn’t a common consensus about it either. The options are gemini, cancer, leo and virgo. I’ve heard mostly leo and virgo but I personally think Cancer in the 6th house makes more sense than in Virgo in the eight. This is based on his aesthetic sense, my understanding of his values and his love style with the only person whom I’m 100% sure he loves (his brother). He really needed quality time to feel loved, he valued competence (6th house) and family (cancer), he cared about receiving compassion from loved ones more than many of the other characters, he expressed affection mostly through acts of service (6th house), he was verbally expressive and hugged his brother and all that so he wasn’t that distant or somber in his approach to expressing affection in general (cancer), he got sulky when his brother refused to spend time with him and pouted and blushed a lot (cancer), ...

Mars in scorpio is another thing where everyone is of the same opinion and it falling into the 10th house makes it even more fitting as he will be very driven and hyper focused on one thing and he can also spend a very long time not having anything to do with fun or sex or any of that. The 10th house is disciplined, it delays, it makes thing serious and it has much to do with self-restraint. This placement is very action oriented and Sasuke is exactly that (he doesn’t spend time just thinking about doing things or just talking about them, he does them).

Saturn in cancer aspecting both his sun and venus. He was only expressive and affectionate with people he was comfortable with and his relationship with his father and authority figures and his general demeanor practically scream saturn in hard aspect to sun. Misfortune in the home and family life and a rigid upbringing (military parents) which saturn in cancer can bring are also there.

Pluto is a generational planet but I’m convinced that it falls into Sasuke’s first house. He constantly attracts plutonic people, he has a mildly plutonic energy himself and if it’s there, it aspects a ton of his planets which would mean that in his relationships with people of his own generation, he would have a pluto heavy synastry (composite is a different matter). 

The aspects didn’t quite turn out how I wanted but they do make sense in my opinion and he has that grand cross with pluto, moon, mars and mercury which is just perfect. His heart, his head, and his drive are all in conflict and there is quite a bit of intensity, issues related to power and control, ... involved.

Itachi’s planets and house placements:

Ascendant: Virgo 20-21 or 26-27 degrees

Sun: Gemini 17-18 degrees (9th)

Moon: Scorpio 20-21, 21-22, 24-25 or 26-27 degrees (3rd) 

Mercury: Cancer 6-7 or 11-12 degrees (10th)

Venus: Taurus 6-7 or 8-9 degrees (8th)

Mars: Taurus 1-2, 3-4, 14-15, 16-17, 18-19, 24-25 or 28-29 degrees (8th)

Saturn: Taurus 24-25 degrees (9th)

Neptune: Virgo 23-24 degrees (1st)

Pluto: Aquarius 2-3 (I chose this but It still isn’t concrete enough, the last one also works), 5-6, 7-8 or 10-11 degrees (5th)

Again, his sun is canon and very fitting. Sun in the 9th house of philosophy and all that also fits his interests (this doesn't say anything about his competence). 

He is very into that whole “I’ve plan everything” and he talked waaay too much about perfection and all that for him to not have some sort of strong virgo/6th house. His ascendant in virgo puts the house cusps in nice places too. I’ll copy this part from my previous post on the subject. 

I considered virgo rising for him (but I’m not particularly attached to this idea)  since that would put scorpio as his 3rd house (intense relationship with siblings) capricorn (ruled by saturn which is restrictions and stuff) on his 5th (fun, children and all that), gemini on 10th (can easily change their persona and know by the general public as intelligent), taurus on 9th (likes philosophy and all that, tends to have different beliefs from what he was raised with (likely by family) and can be very stubborn about beliefs and once he finds them, is very unlikely to change them) and some other stuff.

Moon in Scorpio because I calculated and given the distance between his birthdate and Sasuke’s (if they are 5 years apart) his moon would either fall in sagittarius or scorpio and honestly, I think scorpio fits him more. 

Mercury in cancer because he’s somewhat verbally non-confrontational (would rather deflect and run away, in his case he does that with lies and that stuff) and passive-aggressive and speaks in a vague way instead of just getting to the point and being clear and concise and he’s good at emotional talk in a sense (although that doesn’t necessarily mean he is comfortable with it).

venus in taurus because when he isn’t busy being genocidal or dishonest, he likes some pretty taurusian things like hanging out at traditional coffee shops and getting some sweets. He’s also aesthetically very close to his root (traditional japanese stuff) in terms of preference and taurus likes the familiar. 

I calculated his mars and saturn sign after deciding Sasuke’s mars and saturn. It does match him in a way though. He has a taurusian feel in a way and he really seems to adore the look of security and stability (even when it’s not really there). Venus and mars in 8th because of his fascination and acceptance of the morbid, death and human nature. Also he has an inclination towards extremism in both his actions and adorations (that isn’t the same as being showy though).

Neptune in first because he obviously would have neptune in first. Those acting skills, a habit of dishonesty, being extremely inconsistent and unknowable, weak constitution, slow and lethargic movements, ... He has one of the worst manifestations of neptune in first in my opinion. And he should have more Than one planet in virgo.

Pluto in aqua in 5th solely because of sasuke and calculations, not because of what it says about him (though I also took synastry into account).

Naruto’s planets and house placements:

Ascendant: Leo 1-2, 3-4 or 5-6 degrees

Sun: Libra 17-18 degrees (3rd)

Moon: Aries 12-13, 13-14, 16-17, 17-18 or 20-21 (9th or 10th depending on house system)  or taurus 24 or 28 (10th)

Mercury:  it’s between virgo (2nd), libra (3rd) and scorpio (4th)

Venus: Libra 23-24 or 26-27 degrees (3rd)

Mars: sag 24-25, 25-26 or 29 degrees (5th)

Saturn: Leo 8-9 degrees (1st)

Neptune: Libra 6-7 or 7-8 degrees (3rd)

Pluto: same as sasuke since pluto is a generational planet and their birthdays aren’t that far apart (7th)

His sun is also canon.

His ascendant in leo makes sense because he was born late at night on the 10th of October and he has that leoish persona. There really isn’t much to say here, he embodies it. He has big movements, flamboyance, an outgoing “sunshine”y demeanour, ego-driven, loves to make everything about himself, ...

Moon in the 10th because his emotional security and self-worth and all that are very tied to what the general public thinks of him and he tries to achieve that through his career. Moon in aries and moon in taurus both fit him and the anime astrology community is also divided on this.

For mercury I have no clue. 

His venus could be in virgo, libra, leo, scorpio or sagittarius. I calculated venus in libra from Sasuke’s venus in cancer and then I looked at the degrees and plenty of them fit Naruto and he does have the power of charm so I just left it at that. I eventually narrowed the degrees a bit and found a range I’m comfortable with (in terms of both aspects and degree interpretations).

I used to think his mars makes harsh aspects to both his moon and pluto but it could be just one of them, in the end it ended up being neither of them. I calculated his mars sign from Sasuke’s mars and sag in the 5th seemed pretty fitting specially since his hobby was pranking people and he is a bit of a trickster, his earlier battles also had some creativity.  I used to think his mars is in taurus but it didn’t work out. And honestly he talks about working hard more than he actually works so mars in the 10th was kind of off either way.

Saturn was also calculated based on Sasuke but saturn in leo works pretty well. He got reprimanded for his “fun” and he has a lot of self-esteem issues and simultaneously has a bloated ego and a pretty low opinion of himself. He was so insecure that he had no problem taking credit for other peoples work so there is that. Saturn conjunct ascendant can cause people to have a hard time expressing their true self, often receiving criticism for the way they present themselves/the way they are, they can also often feel like no one will every truly love/like them (as people).

Pluto in the 7th house is extremely fitting for him, in fact, I would go so far as to say that I can’t imagine it anywhere else. He’s controlling, he’s manipulative, he’s possessive, obsessive, he’s all about taking what he wants/needs from relationships while not giving an iota of care to what the other party wants or needs, he’s stalkerish, ... he manifests pluto in the 7th house in one of the worst possible ways. 

Section Three: degree interpretations

Like the previous section, we will start with Sasuke and make our way to Itachi and then Naruto. 

edit: these need to be updated

SASUKE

Moon: 22-23

It signifies one who will suffer misfortune in the height of his career and whose fall will be dangerous in proportion to the height he has attained. The native will be too apt to depend on his own powers and will essay feats which will be beyond his natural powers. Ambition will lead him into dangerous positions, and at a weak moment he will fall. Let this be taken as equally affecting his physical, moral, and social welfare. It is a degree of COLLAPSE.

Doctors; art; projecting and the arts; medical fields; painting; homicidal tendency; alcoholism; has some unique quality (affected, may be an abnormal trait); an enthusiast who can inspire others with his plans, but thy may not always be successful; teeth.

Denotes one with strength of purpose and ability to sustain trials. The Dragon is lust, corruption, end the cold moistures of the earth. St. Michael is the life, solar energy, conqueror of decay; the black rain the evil which corruption draws. So when the native realizes his soul force he becomes a veritable victor over the monster into whose jaws so many unwarned and unguarded fall. It is a symbol of Victory.

Venus: 15-16

It indicates a person of much tenacity and strength of purpose; who by dint of extreme power, whether physical or mental, will overcome his greatest and most terrible enemies. The native will have much to contend with in life, and will encounter many dangers; but, as indicated, will finally overcome them. Together with this native strength, there may be blended a softness and gentleness of manner, which may induce others to attempt an advantage over him; but those Philistine who may have this Samson out (shorn and eyeless though he be) to make sport with him will rue the day. It is a degree of CONQUEST.

Business; music; good at mathematics, writing, or making money; a fortunate degree; taciturn; blindness or defective eyesight; gastric nerves.

Denotes one who is entrusted with a high mission and who is deeply inspired, having a spirituality entirely serene. To him has the mandate “Co forth and teach the people” been echoed from the heavens. He will be granted power and influence, so that the people will hear him call. The evidences of this peculiar mission are made manifest in his twelfth year and mature between the twenty-fourth and thirty-sixth years. It is the symbol of the Inspired.

Saturn: 28-29

It indicates a person of docile and tractable nature, combined with a certain subtlety of mind and high order of intelligence. One who will be held in restraint by others, or whose freedom will be taken by the hand of Fate and the force of circumstances. Although thus held in check, the native will be subject to dangers of an unknown character from secret enemies and jealous foes, and will be in peril of an untimely end. It is a degree of forced RESTRAINT.

An interesting person but sometimes unreliable and uncertain, conscious awareness of hair, often acts on inspiration or impulse; spleen.

Denotes one liable to be bound soul and body, who will be restricted in action and desire. But even so he may yet release his true self and meet the force flowing from the fountain head. Thus, though one side may frown and obstruct him, the other will smile and release him. It is a symbol of Obstruction.

Sun: 0-1

It denotes a person of extreme dignity of character, with much self-reliance, fearlessness, nobility and freedom of nature; an ambitious person and somewhat jealous of honor, being much subject to praise and flattery. The native will be apt in the government of others, and equally so in self-control; but unless the heart be kind, the native will be a mere pompous tyrant. It is a degree at DIGNITY.

Magnetic, brusque, and forceful; homicidal tendency; often seems to know things without taking the trouble to learn; left coronary artery.

Denotes one who will be enabled to grant or to refuse to grant the wishes of others. He will reach a position of importance and will receive many honors, and benefits will accrue to him. The demand is for an understanding of the use, not the abuse, of power. It is a symbol of Authority.

Mercury: 12-13

It indicates a person of firm and steadfast character; one who will resolutely hold to his own beliefs and principles, though it be to his disadvantage. In some ways the mind will be precocious and there will he some degree of self assertion shown; but, whatever the native may determine upon as the right thing to do will assuredly be done if within the compass of resolute striving. It is a degree of CONSTANCY.

Music, a degree of beauty; strong beliefs and disbeliefs; fortunate but restless; intentions are good; may be an orphan or may care for a parent or other relative; usually has special talent for some work where a well-trained eye and hand, plus his idealism and artistic tastes, enable him to excel al others; right heart chamber.

Denotes one of rugged, conservative, and patriotic nature who will be blessed with the goods of the world and who will use his blessings well. His position in life will be distinguished and his sincerity will command respect even from his enemies. He carries about him a fine and pure aura which benefits all who come within its radiations. It is a symbol of Exaltation.

Mars: 12-13

It shows one of a powerful and independent nature, relying on his own counsel and capable of standing alone. A degree of taciturnity and reserve will add to the general inscrutability of the mind of this person, and dispose him to command the respect and regard of others. His position will be elevated, his success in life will be assured by his own innate strength, and his fortunes will remain untouched by the hand of change. It is a degree of’ STADILITY.

Business: degree of attraction and repulsion; electricians; independent and self-reliant; stability; magnetic healing; dignity; artistic sensibilities; inclined to poetry; may be either mystical or unfeeling

Denotes one whose work is destined to live and influence men long after he has left the earth, one of an intensely psychic nature, sensitive, and mediumistic. He will have many earthly struggles and will find many sharp rocks in the way of his progress. He suffers more from his absolute lack of sympathy with earth matters as they are at present. His wanderings in the summer lands, however, bring him infinite peace and joy in the midst of pain. It is a symbol of Reveries.

Neptune:

4-5

It indicates a person of high intelligence and lofty aspirations but very prone to the use of force instead of persuasion. A man who is always getting in front of himself, so to speak, losing his temper against his desire, and letting his energies run away with his reason. He will be in danger of hurt by the sword or by fire. He must be careful of the martial element. It Is a degree of IMPULSE.

Fastidious, intellectual, optimistic, and sagacious; some women with this are dreamy and apt to have unsatisfactory love affairs; fear; honor, congeniality, order, and a lovable nature; benefics here a true friend and home lover, malefices here denote energy but sometimes misdirected. Oriental philosophies and painting; surgeons, sharp edges or clearly defined edges, martial arts (straight lines); sharp, incisive gestures, placing things side by side in deep contrast; goiter. Malpighi’s pyramids.

Denotes one who attains influence and a degree of power through aggression, forcefulness, and fighting. He is of an adventurous nature and endures a wound for the glory of getting it and the honor it gains him, and he will have many wounds. It is a symbol of Encroachment.

5-6

It denotes one very unfortunate, who will be constrained to severe and hard work for a certain period of his life. The native is patient, enduring, and capable of much self-government. In the end he will assuredly reap the reward of his labors, It is a degree of LABOUR.

Comparison; cruelty; homicidal tendency, sometimes a critical or top heavy mentality; apt to be fickle and indecisive; works hard for a living; degree of fear; pubis.

Denotes one of an artistic nature and a plodding but powerful disposition who is called to do work of a pioneering nature. He is an advocate of force, and the discipline with which he has been bended he would use on others. It is a symbol Pioneering.

Ascendant:

21-22

This symbol belongs to one that is capable of arduous and protracted labors. His inherent force of character will carry him through all difficulties and beyond all obstacles. He is endowed with much definition of purpose, determination and incisiveness, so that he will make headway against all obstructions and cut out a line in life for himself. He will in all probability find the recompense of his labor in association with agricultural projects, and in the utilization of old and waste materials, it is a degree of DETERMINATION.

A scholarly degree; active mind; persistent in his efforts; studies the past to guide him in his future; usually has more than one hobby; music; muscle endings.

Denotes one whose power is directed to the uplifting and advancement of his race—a stayer of war and strife, of plague and riot. He looks directly ahead, far ahead into the years to come when the new sun will illuminate the glory of a new age of gold. It is a symbol of Renewing.

23-24

This denotes a steadfast and capable person, whose life will be orderly and useful, whose mind will be open to the reception of truth and knowledge and whose passions will be well regulated. He will display a frank and even blunt nature, being free from all craftiness and subtlety; and his mind will have a sincere regard for all that is simple and natural in human nature, and a rooted distrust of the non-transparent. It is likely that he will be disposed to seek his livelihood in the vineyard or hostel, but in the highest capacity he can be will aspire to become a teacher and purveyor of spiritual truths. In any case, he is a man of the common walk and his sympathies are with the people. It Is a degree of SINCERITY.

A blunt, steadfast, and militant person; music; gastric ulcer; from upper to lower legs.

Denotes one who will escape three great dangers by reason of a faith which draws to him the protection of the higher Powers. The most threatening is the third danger, but his faith is proof against this also. He will have moments of intense feeling and will not permit others to usurp his position nor rob him of the fruits of his toil. He is a peculiar child of destiny, and destiny does not design him for a low position in earth life. It is a symbol of Favor.

Pluto:

10-11

This symbol is related to one in whose nature there is more force and energy than power of direction and self-restraint, and who in consequence will be continually running into dangers which to him will be wholly unforeseen though obvious enough to others. He will rely upon his strength and pushfulness to overcome his enemies, but it will be shown to him that there is nothing so insignificant as the strength of a man. Since he cannot overcome Nature let him learn to use her forces with discretion and moderation or he will be wounded in the conflict of life, and unseen dangers will lurk within the hour of exultation as snakes beneath the flowers. It is a degree of FORCEFULNESS.

Fame, leadership and skill at handling men when tact and courtesy are required; can smooth out difficult and antagonistic relationships; when inspired by an ideal; these people have tremendous power; where the cause is great; his work may have its effect on future generations; right crural band.

Denotes one of gifted mind and exceptional qualities, a singer of songs and a bearer of light, whose works gain for him respect and dignity, and whose name will be remembered long after his form has left this earth. Beautiful thoughts will cling to him as the ivy clings to the garden wall, and pleasant minds will come to him as the flowers which entwine the scepter. It is a symbol of Taste.

15-16

This symbol is related to the one who will show considerable aspiration in things of a spiritual nature and will be instrumental in awakening in the breast of man a belief in things supernormal, by fanning the spark of intelligent faith into a flame of conviction and consuming desire. His profession will be allied to the useful arts and his walk in life, although simple and devoid of ostentation, will nevertheless be of singular service to humanity. Great in soul and of immense aspiration, he will prove a veritable Vulcan. It is a degree of INSPIRATION.

Oil producing, literature; appreciation of the beautiful; the artist; often prominent in charts of those who have achieved literary eminence; judicial with good mentality and mathematical ability; fond of sports, music or reading; usually suited to law, finance, statistics, or literary work; lymph vessel of left lower leg.

Denotes one of a trusting spiritual nature who will have trials in life threatening and bitter, and who will often be storm-driven and held in the grip of hard circumstances. Now and then there are breaks in the storms of life which bring relief, no matter how small. But he must go on; his way is difficult and the night is dark, but in the morning light will come. It is a symbol of Experience.

13-14: 

This is the symbol of one whose life will be beset with unforeseen dangers, and who should therefore go warily and with much circumspection into the narrow walks of competitive life. About the middle of his life there will be a great catastrophe, by which he will either lose the use of a limb, or will suffer a total collapse of his affairs. He will then be in danger of liquidation and may become involved in serious trouble. Almost from his boyhood he will have to be self- supporting, and while he is sure to be of considerable service to others, and may even be author of much wise counsel, he will himself stand in need of help and sustenance ere his days are half completed. His future thereafter is in the keeping of Heaven. It is a degree of COLLAPSE.

Literature; idealism; music; “Jack of all trades”; apt to be a child of fate; fortune may push him up or down in unexpected ways; appreciation of the beautiful; degree of an artist; versatile ability; rheumatic fever; rheumatism; artery of left lower leg (fibula).

Denotes one who strives to do more than he can accomplish, who has “ too many irons in the fire,” and, while thinking to accomplish much, does but little. He may be two-sided or have two philosophies obtruding themselves at the same time. The life is restless, anxious, and over it hangs a threatening hand. Peace comes from the cultivation of the higher and the rejection of the lower. It is a symbol of Difficulties.

18-19

This symbol is related to one in whose life some great catastrophe will occur at a time when providentially there will be a friend at hand to rescue him from his danger. It indicates that a deficiency of tact and skill is liable to reader him subject to adversity of fortune, and he will suffer financial disaster and even peril of death. But there will be raised up to him a friend capable of sustaining him in his extremity, and he will not therefore sink into the depths. This will be in response to his great faith. The nature, although daring, is lacking in tact and strength. All his troubles will arise from failing to admit his own incompetence. He will travel afar. It is a degree of INSECURITY.

Musical ability; medical fields gain and recognition in any field; good intellect; well adapted to literary work. Bright’s disease; nervous system of the spinal cord.

Denotes one who has a graceful method of expressing his thoughts and who will reach his place when life’s midway has passed. He will accomplish much, and his words will ring so that many will stop to listen. His actions harmonize with his beliefs, and his soul is serene. It is a symbol of Proclaiming.

ITACHI

Saturn: 24-25

It indicates a powerful and haughty nature; one who is disposed to justify himself by force of arms rather than by intrinsic merit. Such a person will make many his servants but few his friends and in the end his state will be a pitiable as that of a dying lion. It is a degree of PRIDE.

Sometimes have theories and ideas of doubtful value; homicidal tendency; alcoholism; men with planets here are careful with their money; lower jaw.

Denotes one of natural talent who will be beset with difficulties in gaining recognition, but whose mental strength will be the more determined because of them. When his time comes his power will be felt. He will force acknowledgment by sheer ability and energy. It is a symbol of Premeditation.

Sun: 17-18

It indicates a person of lofty aspirations, keen mental powers, penetration and executive ability, one who will cut out his own line in life and excite attention, but who may, by his destiny, fail in achieving the result aimed at. It is a degree of EXECUTION.

Good imagination; cordial but caustic; energetic, enthusiastic, and intellectual; a dual personality - men may sometimes have feminine traits; homicidal tendency; Bright’s disease (kidneys); second rib.

Denotes one of great bravery who, feeling himself unconquerable, becomes a mark for the attacks of his enemies, who, thinking to smite him at the point of his weakness, raise about themselves the power which arises from his pain. It is a symbol of Invulnerability.

Neptune: 23-24

It denotes a person of misanthropic spirit and unsociable disposition, who will be estranged from his kindred and may be exiled or outcast from his country. In addition, the native will be short-sighted or have some moral obliquity. so, that be will incur severe troubles through this defect in various ways. It is a degree of LONELINESS.

Painters; “a ship at full sail”; a hard worker who has many ups and downs; sometimes hard to understand because he is not a good mixer and t other times he does not understand himself; benefics are favorable here, but other planets here may denote a lack of chastity; spine; tendons of liver.

Denotes one who may become vain of his earthly power and may use it for purposes which can be of no real benefit to him and no real gratification. Suffering may force him to hold himself in check and to understand that” he who conquers himself is greater than he who conquers a kingdom.” It is a symbol of Violence.

Ascendant:

20-21

The native will be of a penurious~ acquisitive, and mercenary nature; always counting the cost of all he does, and looking well to it that whatever be performs shall first be remunerative; then, if possible (though this is not important), just. He will acquire wealth by easy means, and will indulge in some very notable speculations. It is a degree of COVETOUSNESS.

Talent for mimicry; has the soul of a poet, but necessity often compels him to work along more prosaic lines; interested in diets, health, and laws of nature; gall bladder duct.

Denotes one of resourcefulness and determination who can be trusted to protect and safeguard his vital interests. Others, perhaps even amongst his own kinsmen, may interfere or attempt to interfere with the liberty of the native and prevent his free actions, and he may have to use craft to protect his rights and himself. It is a symbol of Finesse.

26-27

It denotes a person of a peculiarly incapable nature, unhappy disposition, and a certain awkwardness in his bearing. He will suffer ills through want of practical ness and executive power, and by reason of his backwardness will be liable to be victimized and deceived by the more active and wary. It is a degree of BLUNTNESS.

One of the strongest literary degrees. yet, unless the rest of the chart favors writing, Mercury here merely denotes interest, and Venus a love of literature, painting, good philosophy and honest bluntness along with artistic taste; combative but beneficent; strength of character; alert and aspiring; suicide; denotes art and literary ability; intelligence; honor, and riches in disgrace; hip veins.

Denotes one of a quick and critical mind who is gifted with powers of observation and discrimination He is able to turn points to his advantage, and does not hesitate to push forward with energy and activity to gain his desires. It is a symbol of Keenness.

Moon:

20-21

It is the symbol of a bold, independent and forceful nature, that knows either restraint nor law, and that will suffer great privations in order to maintain the semblance of freedom. It is a degree of INDEPENDENCE.

Doctors: music (variations of pitch); not as strong as most Scorpio degrees; alcoholism; violence; homicidal tendency; has little respect for rules and conventions but usually abides by them. Often so reserved that few people understand him.

Denotes one who conceives the dualistic nature of man. He holds that the connexion of spirit and matter is the initial force from which all other forces are brought into being. He admits no intermediate force, pressing home his beliefs with all the certainty of proven facts and with all the vehemence his powerful nature is capable of. It is a symbol of Forcing.

21-22

It is the index of a nature that is impelled by force of circumstances to precipitate and hazardous projects. A restless and impulsive mind, defective in foresight and never aware of danger till it is encountered. The life will be narrowed and confined, and so largely determined by the force of circumstances that it will be in danger of falling from one level to another until it is lost in obscurity and swallowed up in the sands of time. It is degree of COMPULSION.

Doctors; alcoholism; now; homicidal tendency; often found in charts of painters, poets, and astrologers, impulsive and restless yet loves home, solitude, and contemplation; (Unukalhai) immorality, accidents, danger of poison; ethmoid bone and ligaments.

Denotes one who is forced by circumstances to undertake duties which are not always of a pleasant nature. His destiny is to adjust and to demand, and the necessities of his life are opposed to investigations of an ideal or psychic character. It is a symbol of Gathering.

24-25

It is the indication of a predatory and adventurous spirit, a mind that is avaricious and cunning, quick to perceive and enforce its owl advantage, but slow to cultivate the more useful and sociable habits of life. Such will lead a distressful and contentious life, and will not long enjoy the benefit of his conquests. He will snatch an advantage and will be forced to surrender it to others; and because of his selfishness his own friends will berail him. It is a degree of SEIZURE.

Alcoholism; homicidal tendencies; strong desire to gain wealth or power, a malefic here usually denotes trouble with the opposite sex; some connection with magicians; ovarian ducts; coccyx.

Denotes one who is lost in the maze of worldly gain and whose sole happiness is in his ever- increasing wealth. His nature is hard and his estimate of his fellow-creatures is judged by his own standard. His motto is: Treat every man as a rogue until you find him out to be honest, and when you find him out to be honest, think again before you trust him. It is a symbol of Hardness.

26-27

It denotes one who has a forceful and yet pliant mind, a persuasive tongue and a brave spirit. Such an one will lead others by the power of authority which is vested in reason and sustained by the ability of expression. From such a man an appeal is equivalent to a command, and an exhortation equal to a rebuke. He will undertake high duties and grave responsibilities in life and will largely be moved by a power that is within him, unrecognized but potent. It is a degree of PERSUASION.

Usually seems well-balanced, genial, sympathetic, and philosophical, may be placed in positions of trust only to meet personal misfortune.

Denotes one capable of lofty thoughts and high mental flights. There is a subtle, strong diplomacy about this native which cannot be easily gauged by others, but he knows himself, his own ambitious spirit, and his ever-growing faith—a faith which never wavers, no matter if he basks in favors or shields himself from frowns. It is a symbol of Distinction.

Pluto:

2-3

This symbol is related to one whose life is liable to many and severe shocks of misfortune, the severing of ties and the disappointment of hopes. Nevertheless, he will show a spirit of steadfast resignation to the will of Heaven and therein will find consolation for his grief’s and sorrows. The task which he will have to perform in life will be honorable but unprofitable, and many will be the difficulties which encumber his upward path. He is nevertheless equipped for a long and arduous journey, and being endowed with a patient and firm will, he must eventually attain his goal. Only in the interval he will have to surrender all that he holds most dear in life. It is a degree of PERSEVERANCE.

Inquisitiveness; obesity; brings strange events into one’s life; women are much loved; men are natural leaders and follow some unusual line of work; right fibula.

Denotes one of a truly religious mind whose career will be as full of incident as the many pieces which go to make a mosaic pavement are full of color. Material life is not without its dangers— moral and physical—but the native is not born under the heel of fear. He sees beyond his times and bears his cross. It is a symbol of Faithfulness.

7-8

This symbol is indicative of a nature that is strong forceful and independent, loving freedom above all things and desiring death by hunger rather than servitude or restraint. Such a one will prove himself to be of greater service to the race when left to his own resources and given full freedom of action than when bound to a narrow or restricted walk in life. Nevertheless, he is liable to captivity or imprisonment, whether it be as a prisoner of State or as the victim of a hard and unrelenting Fate, and this will be entailed by his inordinate love of freedom. He will, suffer and will serve, and thus gain both wisdom and freedom for all time. It is a degree of ESCAPEMENT.

Hearing; anemia; may be especially good or clever at some particular thing; afflicted; an extremist; hitting at truth of life (something universal); vein of lower left leg.

Denotes one of a vital, vigorous, and martial disposition who endeavors to cut his way by mind or sword. Danger in early childhood may be overcome according to the power of the horoscope, but danger is never absent from him, and he is liable to be constrained or oppressed with enemies of his own making or he may be a dangerous enemy to himself. To pass through a barred window self- conquest alone knows the way. It is a symbol of Limitation.

5-6

This symbol is related to one who has considerable faculty for teaching (prophecy), and skill in manual crafts. As a director of thought, an exponent of religious teachings, as traveler, lecturer, even handicraftsman, he will show himself capable and will meet with distinction. He will be ambitious and will have a mind set upon things that are remote from his environment. Careful in his methods, and ambitious in his designs, he will have to travel far, nevertheless, for the results of his actions, and of him it may be said that what is remote from the sense is ever more attractive than things corporeal, and that which is afar than which is near. It is a degree of APPERCEPTION.

Medical; healing airmen (avoid air travel if Jupiter is afflicted); if prominent; it warns against accidents when traveling especially by air; inventive, unconventional, loves new and experimental schemes; interest in Oriental philosophies smoothness - silk, peace; singers, chanting, nerve of left fibula.

Denotes one on whom Fame smiles and who is fitted to receive her favor. For this native there is dignity and honor, which follows a degree of struggle, disappointment, and comparative obscurity. He is moved by many and varied feelings and is blessed with a vivid and fine imagination. He is cultured, neat in style, and artistic, with considerable psychic ability and occult understanding. It is a symbol of Ascending.

10-11

This symbol is related to one in whose nature there is more force and energy than power of direction and self-restraint, and who in consequence will be continually running into dangers which to him will be wholly unforeseen though obvious enough to others. He will rely upon his strength and pushfulness to overcome his enemies, but it will be shown to him that there is nothing so insignificant as the strength of a man. Since he cannot overcome Nature let him learn to use her forces with discretion and moderation or he will be wounded in the conflict of life, and unseen dangers will lurk within the hour of exultation as snakes beneath the flowers. It is a degree of FORCEFULNESS.

Fame, leadership and skill at handling men when tact and courtesy are required; can smooth out difficult and antagonistic relationships; when inspired by an ideal; these people have tremendous power; where the cause is great; his work may have its effect on future generations; right crural band.

Denotes one of gifted mind and exceptional qualities, a singer of songs and a bearer of light, whose works gain for him respect and dignity, and whose name will be remembered long after his form has left this earth. Beautiful thoughts will cling to him as the ivy clings to the garden wall, and pleasant minds will come to him as the flowers which entwine the scepter. It is a symbol of Taste.

Mercury:

6-7

It indicates a person of strong personality, but of a tyrannous nature, who, by force of arms and aggression, generally will press forward regardless of the merits of others and insensible of their feelings. His hand, though strong, is frequently unjust and cruel in its action, impelled by the motive that might is right; and, when opposed, is capable of extreme cruelty and selfishness. In certain natures, the influence of this degree generates the common-place bully. It is a degree of SELF-ASSERTION.

Not always diplomatic but appreciates diplomacy in others; physically fearless but sometimes emotionally vulnerable; well aspected, discipline; afflicted, sometimes denotes a bad habit; thoracic canal.

Denotes one who will by his own skill and ability receive and profit by impressions and reach a position which gains him the recognition due to him. To such, perseverance and faith are the essentials, and if he regards the meaning of these two words apart from the words themselves he will crown his labors with success. It is a symbol of Fame.

11-12

It denotes one of fatal tendencies, destructive to a degree; inclined to cruelty and oppression. This person will need to hold his passions in strong check or some fatality will surely come upon him. The nature is melancholy and taciturn; yet silently discerning, and capable of keen feelings. “It makes not, but it mars; and with the hollow eyes of death looks back with secret self-condemnation upon its unfruitful work.’ The end of life is tragic. It is a degree of UNDOING.

History; can work in solitude; degree of retentive memory; usually prudent, bright, and charming; magnetic personality; poison, possibly in working with chemicals; alcoholism; Bright’s disease; cancer; highly occult (the owl, dark subjects, collects owls, night owls); religious; large gastric curvature.

Denotes one of brave and generous disposition who is an earnest and sincere champion of the oppressed and who is one of that great band who cannot be deaf to the moans of the suffering many. He is a militant, generous force, and in his philosophy “charity covereth a multitude of sins.” It is a symbol of Humanity.

Venus: 

6-7

It indicates a person of strong personality, but of a tyrannous nature, who, by force of arms and aggression, generally will press forward regardless of the merits of others and insensible of their feelings. His hand, though strong, is frequently unjust and cruel in its action, impelled by the motive that might is right; and, when opposed, is capable of extreme cruelty and selfishness. In certain natures the influence of this degree generates the common-place bully. It is a degree of SELF-ASSERTION.

Not always diplomatic but appreciates diplomacy in others; physically fearless but sometimes emotionally vulnerable; well aspected, discipline; afflicted, sometimes denotes a bad habit; thoracic canal.

Denotes one who strives to stand erect. Time does not cast him down, for grandeur and beauty are his companions; but beauty, however sublime, is never without a flaw, for the flaw intensifies the beauty. The erect column indicates strength, the crumbling at the base fear, which alone can destroy if permitted to infect the whole. Where faith is, then fear will be never. True faith is knowledge absolute, and what knowledge so perfect as the consciousness in man of his own strength? It is a symbol of Gracefulness.

8-9

It denotes a man whose chief interest will be in his home, and in the care of his children; one who is attractive to young persons, and whose mind is pacific and benevolent; one who has the ability to inspire confidence and faith in other; whose footsteps will be followed in security and whose life goes by easy way to a peaceful end. It is a degree of MINISTRATION.

A born teacher and scientist; hearing (afflicted - may in - cline to deafness); inordinately fond of food; afflicted - gluttons; if the will is weak, may become a drunkard; a tendency to be contrary and stubborn, especially with planets in 27 degree Aries-Pisces; frequently their own worst enemies; has much to do with healing; cervical vein.

Denotes one who acquires much by work and application, but who lacks the faculty of watchfulness in protecting his gains from the greed of others. He has an easygoing tendency, but gains come from labor, craft, and the management of his own affairs. He may be the victim of deceit or treachery, and should never put himself in the hands of others when his own well-being is concerned. He should avoid things and circumstances he does not understand. It is a symbol of Misleading.

Mars:

1-2

It denotes one for whom life will be a severe lesson; whose ambition is likely to outstrip his power; one who will attempt great his discomfiture; whose efforts will prove futile, and whose hopes a will vanish as the clouds. It is a degree of SELF-PRESERVATION.

Magic; a pleasing personality; a person who is above petty things; loyal and serious-minded; some interest in occultism; magnanimous; opening of throat.

Denotes one capable of immense sacrifices who surrenders self, expecting no reward. The life will be often lonely, but ever threatened by storms. In the end wisdom and worth will triumph and the second half of life brings good promise. It is a symbol of Devotion.

3-4 (likely)

It denotes a person in whose life much sedition will prevail, whose affairs will be marred by his own violence, and whose house will be dismembered through strife, in whom wrath will affect great evils, and whose force will be turned against himself. If is a degree of DISINTEGRATION.

Literature (skill in working out plots); writers of detective stories; one accustomed to the exercise of authority; favors playwrights; military men. organizers who work to uphold the law; degree of plot; planning, tact, and scheming bodily injuries; destruction by fire, war or earth-quake; unscrupulous defeat; throat or larynx.

Denotes one whose destiny it is to come before the public in some professional capacity. The native will be impulsive, bold, and brave, and will be gifted with controlling and magnetic force. He will travel and move about a great deal, and will be exposed to danger with little or no hurt. It is a symbol of Intrepidity.

16-17 (this is also linked with explosions so I think Dei is likely to have something here)

This symbolizes a life of toil without much fruits; the misdirection of effort through ignorance of natural laws; a straining after that which Nature has not designed, and consequent failure in life. The native will be unpopular, moving against the stream, and by much exertion, hurting himself alone. It is a degree of FUTILITY.

Painting; business; musical ability (variations of pitch); singers; oratory; a powerful degree for men; color; and original person who has much influence on his sphere of society; ideas or popularity may grow by spurts, but unexpected falls sometimes follow too; homicidal tendency; abscesses of neck if with 25 degree Leo-Aquarius or 21 degree Aries-Libra; associated with explosions (of nuclear plants or bombings); often a tall person; tonsils.

Denotes one free as air, brave, spiritual, restless, and unfitted for the regular routine of daily life. Care in infancy is essential. He is of a wandering disposition and frequent changes are for him. It is a symbol of Wandering.

14-15 (likely)

It denotes a studious and intuitive nature, whose mental vision will see where others arc in the darkness; one devoted to the inner meaning of Nature’s workings, and acting from obscure motives; one of much self-reliance, inclined to solitariness, and yet always surrounded by friends; one who will be sought after while himself seeking none. It is a degree of MYSTERY.

Business; singers; a degree of exchange and barter; some times traveling salesmen or financiers; may live or die in foreign lands; circulation of blood as well as ideas and propaganda; causes disease, disgrace, ruin injury from beasts, sickness, and loss of fortune; epiglottis.

Denotes a person whose tastes and desires are directed to the understanding of the secrets which rest beneath the veil. He has brought to earth from other sources the knowledge which enables him to find the entrance to the cavern of hidden jewels, but it is doubtful if he can enter, for the gateway is guarded by sublime and intense colors caused by more excessive vibrations than can be endured by the human body. The light vapor approaching the “Ultra” stage is more powerful and effective than dragons of fire. It is a symbol of Initiation.

18-19

It denotes a gentle, inoffensive but weak nature, inclined to indolence or hopelessness, and thus while Nature is luxurious and fertile, and all around speaks of wealth gained by industry, the native remains in a poor condition for want of determination. It is a degree of INCOMPETENCE.

Music ( a trumpet); a person who rises from a humble birth place to a great renown through a process of unfoldment; hair; leader of party; often a tall person; maxillary artery.

Denotes one who is unable to estimate his abilities and who attempts things foolhardy and useless. There is a tendency to irritability and aggressiveness and lack of self-restraint. Thus he will court unpopularity and will suffer from his own actions. It is a symbol of Futility.

24-25

It indicates a powerful and haughty nature; one who is disposed to justify himself by force of arms rather than by intrinsic merit. Such a person will make many his servants but few his friends and in the end his state will be a pitiable as that of a dying lion. It is a degree of PRIDE.

Sometimes have theories and ideas of doubtful value; homicidal tendency; alcoholism; women with planets here are usually intuitive, poetic, lively, and flirtatious; men careful with their money; lower jaw.

Denotes one whose life is harassed by other people, and who will be held to a position to his disadvantage from which he will free himself and go where better conditions prevail, and where he will have better opportunities for employing his skill for his own good. Consult the horoscope. It is a symbol of Restraining.

28-29 (honestly, now that I think about it, this is Tobs through and through)

It signifies a tyrant, who takes delight in power apart from its uses, and whose opinions are bigoted and selfish. To rule, without regard to qualifications, is the passing ambition of one born under this degree. Death, which frees the slave, will bind the hands of a tyrant in irons forged from his own heart. It is a degree of DESPOTISM.

Good organizing ability; strong will; usually magnetic, proud and stoical; heavy drinking; suicide; a degree giving “something to cry about”; Trapizius.

Denotes one who is continually beset with difficulties and who finds it hard at all times to decide his course of action. He is ever between forces of opposite natures, and is quite as likely to do the right thing as the wrong one. These conditions must be subdued by the steady cultivation of the will. It is a symbol of Embarrassment.

NARUTO

Sun: 17-18

It denotes a person of hospitable and homely nature, ever ready with the best of fare to entertain friends and acquaintances. The native will grow to be much beloved for his open handed ness and sincerity of feeling. He will be both prosperous and happy, and will rejoice in the company of his friends. It is a degree of HOSPITALITY. 

Electricians; a romantic degree; rules poets; oratorical ability; violence; a person who will get considerable publicity; has many friends; ambitious to be the greatest; kidney illness; liked with sexual problems; subtle mind, shamelessness, and loss through friends and company, fatty capsule of kidneys.

Denotes one of a simple nature who is gifted with a strong spirit of self-sacrifice and endowed with inherent bravery. His way in life will be tangled at times, and he will need his energy to set it right again. He is a helper of himself and of others, and he does not count his own needs first. It is a symbol of Self-sacrifice.

Moon:

12-13

It denotes one who through suffering, pain and hard work, will at the close of life rise to much dignity and receive many honors. This degree is capable, of lifting, the native from obscurity to prominence as the reward of enduring effort. It is a degree of REWARD.

A degree of movement; medical fields - doctors (along with 23-24 deg Leo, Aquarius); sportsmen or athletes (with fixed signs); electricians; wrestlers (with fixed signs); lawyers (along with 23-24 Leo, Aquarius); hair, spiritual intuition; if afflicted - may start many things he will never finish; corpus callosum (band of nerve fibers).

Denotes bravery, love, and sincerity. Honor will come to this native, his thoughts and ambitions lead him upwards. By Love’s guidance he passes over obstacles and pursues an honorable course. His nature is somewhat proud, but he is generous and noble-minded. Influence and favor come to him. It is a symbol of Light.

13-14

It denotes loneliness and indigence in life; one who will lead a strange and outcast life, with few friends and those either unwilling or unable to help him. It. seems to contain the idea of much traveling, perhaps exile, and finally a lonely grave. It is a degree of ISOLATION.

Bakers; dietetics - food and drink; music (the beautiful); love of words; often found in charts of those who compete in games or sports, especially tennis; the physicians; gluttony; independence; freedom, love of wealth and honor, and keen intellect; gives a sixth sense. One cannot tell them a lie because they see through others. They are seldom mistaken in their judgment of others; rheumatic fever; rheumatism; frontal lobes .

Denotes one who reaches a position of responsibility, power, and influence, and seeks to find in man the spark which being agitated blazes forth in glory, guiding by its perfect light. Here we have the teacher who strives to lead men from the valley of darkness into the light of understanding, but who himself is threatened by Error and Hate, which if he permits to influence him will drag him from his throne. But if he join his own great soul to Truth and Love, what wonders may he not perform! It is a symbol of Intercession.

16-17

This is a degree indicating one of a speculative nature, selfish, and luxurious; one whose heart is divided between pleasure and wealth, but who knows not the true use of either. Such would gain wealth by. speculation, but waste it in extravagance. “The fool and his money are soon parted.” So here. It Is a degree of EARTHINESS. 

Music (a trumpet); electricians; interest in occultism, spiritualism, metaphysics or magic; persuasive oratory; public life; spinal cord canal.

Denotes a lotus-eater, a lover of pleasure, who delights in ease and the sweets of life. The fortunes are favored, but the native makes no personal effort to increase them. The mind is romantic and art- loving, and the form graceful. It ii a symbol of Luxury.

17-18

This denotes a person of an amiable and pleasant disposition, friendly to all, and beloved of his kinsmen. One who desires peace and concord, and who will meet with success through the intervention of some female friend. It is a degree of AMITY.

Oratorical ability; electricians; poets; children; a romantic degree; with Virgo-Pisces novelists; with Leo-Aquarius or Gemini-Sagittarius poets; often connected with tragedies of violence in either the chart of the attacker or the victim. Associated with divorce and separations; sexual emotionalism; linked with sexual problems; nerve connections.

Denotes sympathy. Many times will the native stumble and fall by the way, but ever will there be a bright light before him to dispel the darkness of the night and to dissipate his fears. The mind is aspiring, but to reach its ideal, pain and struggle are involved. The native must not falter, for very nigh unto him is his hope—a little sacrifice and endeavor will unite him to it. It is a symbol of Upraising.

20-21

It denotes a generous and hospitable nature; one that will succeed through good and worthy actions, yet has some sense of his own merits and powers, and is desirous of recognition. A steadfast and sincere man, who will make many friends and be held by them in respect. It is a degree of CONSCIOUS MERIT.

Electricians; active and adventurous; a degree of supreme sacrifice; abscesses; accidents; a traveler who makes plans and lives them; preparedness, steadiness, determination, and final success; a fortunate degree; eye muscle.

Denotes one who will be assailed by secret and open enemies, who will be liable to troubles and false accusations. In his dealings he should always exercise great care, and should not rely on word- of-mouth agreements. He will not be without devoted friends, who will not neglect him in the hour of his greatest need. His intense feelings will cause him trouble, danger, illness, and regret, and he will have to strive with the dark serpent. Let him unite himself with noble and good-living people, and put away from himself votaries of evil. It is a symbol of Contention.

24-25

It indicates a powerful and haughty nature; one who is disposed to justify himself by force of arms rather than by intrinsic merit. Such a person will make many his servants but few his friends and in the end his state will be a pitiable as that of a dying lion. It is a degree of PRIDE.

Sometimes have theories and ideas of doubtful value; homicidal tendency; alcoholism; women with planets here are usually intuitive, poetic, lively, and flirtatious; men careful with their money; lower jaw.

Denotes one of natural talent who will be beset with difficulties in gaining recognition, but whose mental strength will be the more determined because of them. When his time comes his power will be felt. He will force acknowledgment by sheer ability and energy. It is a symbol of Premeditation.

28-29

It signifies a tyrant, who takes delight in power apart from its uses, and whose opinions are bigoted and selfish. To rule, without regard to qualifications, is the passing ambition of one born under this degree. Death, which frees the slave, will bind the hands of a tyrant in irons forged from his own heart. It is a degree of DESPOTISM.

Good organizing ability; strong will; usually magnetic, proud and stoical; heavy drinking; suicide; a degree giving “something to cry about”; Trapizius.

Denotes one who is continually beset with difficulties and who finds it hard at all times to decide his course of action. He is ever between forces of opposite natures, and is quite as likely to do the right thing as the wrong one. These conditions must be subdued by the steady cultivation of the will. It is a symbol of Embarrassment.

Ascendant:

1-2

It denotes a person of an extremely vacillating and uncertain disposition; weak. minded, and subject to be driven about from one opinion to another; generally moved by consent to prevailing sentiment, and incapable of any firm and independent decision. The native will be liable to experience strange caprices of fortune; and will wander, with many a change of object, from one place to another, but little permanence for good will be assured to him. At times exceedingly hopeful, and anon depressed and nervous, the native will make little headway or progress. It is a degree of WEAKNESS.

Have a way of making themselves pleasing to the opposite sex but often seem monotonous to those of their own sex; prodigal sometimes vacillating; apt to use the other fellow’s ideas because he lacks confidence in his own; sometimes not dependable and apt to wander from place to place; aorta.

Denotes one whose early life is threatened and who in later years will gain possession of material secrets discovered by another which he has long sought to obtain. Having obtained them, he claims the discoveries as his own, gaining thus further professional advancement and reputation. His triumph may last till he breathes his last breath, then he will learn what in spite of all his learning he does not know, and his action of yesterday brings remorse on the morrow. It is a symbol of Artifice.

3-4

It denotes a person of the most prudent, circumspect, and patient mind; capable of sustaining great fatigue in the accomplishment of his desires; a mind gifted with much diplomacy, suavity, self-restraint, and watchfulness; keen in observing but slow to draw conclusions; capable when aroused, of much malice, but not of open anger. Firm in his attachments, a fast friend and unrelenting enemy. The native will succeed in life by dint of caution and perseverance. It is a degree of CURCUMSPECTION.

A benefic there or any planet well aspected there inclines too honesty and integrity; anarchism (not going with any thing); an active person; not easy to anger but capable of malice when aroused; usually sensitive and often hurt by lack of harmony in the home; a critical analyst, but sincere with good intentions; left carotid artery.

Denotes one who may be deceived by smiles and promises. He should be especially careful of those in power, and should be wary lest in negotiations he betrays his plans and aspirations to keen and subtle adversaries. Wisdom is in silence. It is a symbol of Treachery.

 5-6

It denotes a person of a proud, martial nature, with considerable tastes for athletics, deeds of daring and prowess, contests, feats of arms, and the like. Somewhat given to argument and contention. ever ready to rush into disputes regardless of danger. The native will succeed as a soldier, or in active service requiring courage and strength; but will be liable to some reverses of fortune following upon undue self-assertion. It is a degree of PROWESS. 

A medical or healing degree; hair; a martial nature with a liking for athletics; a leader, usually in some physical or military way; usually well-liked by inferiors; a person of great energy who may drive himself to ruin unless he controls his passions; entrance of pulmonary artery.

Denotes one who will be compelled to fight and struggle during a great part of his life and who will often have to use his ingenuity to release himself from entanglements and troubles. He may have financial difficulties or difficulties over property or estates. In the end—perhaps even in the midst of worry—his star rises and he triumphs over enemies and evil conditions. It is a symbol of Strategy.

Saturn:  (honestly these both sound kind of off)

8-9

It denotes a person of tasteful, but luxurious habits; one who will spend much upon mere show, and will depend much upon appearances to the neglect of more desirable uses. Together with these characteristics, there is a great deal of pride, which in the uneducated may run to ostentation and snobbishness. Yet, in any sphere of life the native will be fortunate among his compeers. It is a degree of DISPLAY.

Sense of hearing; anemia; skin; afflictions to planets here; love of solitude; generosity; travel in connection with business; talkative but incapable of pettiness; often misunderstood because they do not fully understand themselves, looks at things from positive standpoint; knows that even his troubles are of his own making; care and responsibility; a charitable and fostering nature; afflicted brings danger of a violent death, serious accidents or burns; the eyes; vena cava.

Denotes one fortunate, but somewhat vain, whose desire it is “to make a good appearance’ and who expends much money for this purpose. But the glories which shine forth from a great soul glitter more than the choicest diamond in the daintiest setting, giving a lasting beauty which age cannot change nor time obliterate. There are two sides to this symbol, and both reflect, for it is a symbol of Reflection.

9-10

It denotes one whose chief ambitions will not come to completion; but, either through disaster or untimely death, ‘will be prematurely brought to naught. To whomsoever this degree may appertain, the warning goes forth :—build not for the future, but for eternity, for it is very nigh; and if thou sowest aught, make no count of the harvest, for the seasons are not to thy hand; yet both sow and build for the greater good, and work in hope! In character the native will be versatile, somewhat morose and despondent, but strong in trial; and giving shelter even to the worthless out of pure goodwill. It is a degree of PERIL.

Alcoholism; army and navy; versatile, fearless, firm and sure but sometimes morose; often interested in the mystic secrets of life and death; sudden friendships and estrangements; bladder afflictions; jugular vein.

Denotes one of brave, fearless, and noble disposition whose natural greatness of soul is moved by the necessities of others, and who always puts the well-being of another before his own comforts. Envy is directed against him and malice turns her evil eyes on him. He will be exposed to many and grave dangers, for duty to him is ever the first thought. It is a symbol of Daring.

Venus: 

23-24

It denotes a person of much independence of spirit, self-confidence, pride, and no little love of distinction. The native will suffer on account of his isolated feelings, and will be in danger of betrayal by the machinations of perfidious enemies. At a time when he has reached a height of isolated distinction, he will fall under the jealous hand of his enemies. It is a degree of PRIDE.

Often associated with homosexuality (depending on aspects); gives success, renown, and riches; a love of arts and sciences; adversely aspected; unscrupulousness, unfaithfulness, and injustice to innocence; “sweetest star of the heavens”; “star of the artists” and promises honor and fame; prefers to work and plan in privacy, but his work may achieve great renown; vascular circulation of the renal cortex.

Denotes one who will suffer from an overconfident nature that neglects those details which, insignificant as they may appear, are as necessary for the safeguarding of his interests as water is to earth. His mentality is good, and he is capable of useful mental work, but he may lose the results of his labor. and suffer thereby in many ways. It is a symbol of Entrapping.

26-27

It indicates a nature that is attuned to works of benevolence and homely simplicity, careful in the affairs of daily life, solicitous of peace and comfort, and ever ready to shelter, befriend and succor the wayside traveler without neglect of those within his doors. It is a degree of BENEVOLENCE.

Detectives; artistic and sensitive; a lover of children; sympathies often on the unpopular side; peculiar mental quirks such as a mind that can do only one thing at a time; a cool courage; lack of moral and physical suppleness; slow-witted and slowly aroused; vascular system of the skin.

Denotes one who if saved from malefic planetary action is contented with little and is pleasant and kind to men and animals. His nature is devotional and sensitive, and is capable of obtaining knowledge from astral sources and atmospheric conditions. He influences others for good, spreading content in the halls of inharmony. It is a symbol of Harmony.

Neptune: 

6-7

It indicates a person of susceptible and weak nature, easily led away, and liable to be drawn to his destruction by the agency of the opposite sex. The native may attain to a high position in life, but whatever his position, he is in danger of an untimely fall. Let him take heed against the allurement. of the world. It is a degree of FALLING.

Aviation; birds; a child of fate; strange things happen to them; often psychic or intuitive; dancers, love of danger; goiter; nervous system.

Denotes one with a great message who will travel everywhere and whose thoughts and feelings are expanded and uplifted thereby. His wanderings are often directed beyond this earth to the heavenly fields and, to the lands dosed to those held in material bodies. He is capable of performing many good acts for others and is ever ready to resist actions unworthy of a true man, holding meanness in contempt. It is a symbol of Movement.

7-8

It denotes one of a melancholy and retiring nature, very sensitive, and of keen sympathies. The native will be in danger of early bereavement, and will at an early age be left devoid of family ties and friends. It is a degree of EFFACEMENT.

Rules animal life, usually loquacious; given to speculation; paint, perfume, or chemicals may play a part in the vocation; sudden death, dancers, love of danger, jaundice of the renal pelvis.

Denotes one who will have need to exercise very great caution as to the safe keeping of his worldly possessions. Such a one should keep away from speculations, ventures, and crafty people, and undertake nothing of a nature involving risk. It is a symbol of Forfeiting.

8-9

It indicates a person of quick, impetuous, quarrelsome, and aggressive nature, who will cause many disputes in life on account of his Irascible disposition, and will make many enemies. The native will be in danger of losing his life while engaged in sonic affray or quarrel, and should know bow to forefend himself by self-command, which Is the greatest of all conquests. It is a degree of FIGHTING.

Publicity or scandal (if Venus here, over a love affair or divorce); often causes one to become a widow; immorality; courage, talent for science, literature, or leadership; aggressiveness; linked with sexual problems; jaundice of the kidney and renal pelvis.

Denotes one who should avoid law and disputes. Inharmony is to him a state of evil which forces him into a groove of fate and holds him in bondage. He should endeavor by the power of his soul to keep the scales even and do nothing to prejudice his peace. It is a symbol of Unevenness.

Mars:

24-25

It is the index of a mind that is given to excessive indulgence and undue enthusiasm in matters of a spiritual and mental nature; one who will follow out his projects regardless of consequence, impelled as it were by a species of mental intoxication. The substance and form of this symbol is allied to the higher nature, but should the carnal appetites gain an ascendancy over him, he will in all probability degenerate into a debauchee. Moderation should be his watchword even in spiritual things. It is a degree of EXCESS. 

Usually quick perception; remarkable memory; good imagination; condyle of right femur.

Denotes one of romantic mind, loving and leaning to the philosophy and thought of other days, in which he is a master. The forces play around him and attempts from the two worlds will be made to draw him from his deeper thoughts to the frivolity, folly, and transitory joys of earth. Many times will he be shaken, but his power is too great for sensual over comings. Instead he throws to the world the wine of life that those who are able may drink. It is a symbol of Spiritual Struggles.

25-26

This is the sign of one to whom appearances are apt to count or much, but who will nevertheless be possessed of a really deep and sympathetic nature. Fidelity and friendship will be prominent characteristics of his nature. Fidelity will be dexterous in the use of arms, apt in the imitation of mannerisms, and would make a capable actor,. being gifted with powers of dramatic. representation. Of a kind and sympathetic nature, he will readily attract friends, and yet few will know him for what he really is. It is a degree of IMITATION. 

Anarchism; literature; better for benefics than for malefics, which bring trouble through the opposite sex; associated with nervous troubles, especially in his speech, if afflicted by Mercury or Uranus, sometimes due to a glandular deficiency; tyrannical disposition; love of liberty; good mentality; inventive, intutive, and emotional; gout; neurasthenia; if conjunct or opposition an afflicted luminary or its afflicting planet; impaired eyesight, perhaps blindness.

Denotes one who is attracted to the sport and gaieties of life, and to whom physical pleasures constitute the essence of existence. The native may indulge in extravagances and will feel the ups and downs of life. His philosophy favors the pursuit of happiness, and his mental gifts will be directed to the furtherance of his thoughts. It is a symbol of Pleasure.

29-30

It is the symbol of mind that is capable of sustaining great and arduous work, one to whom some of the dark secrets of Nature will be revealed. He may show some taste for agriculture culture or may follow the fortunes of some great mining industry or archaeological research, and in such he will be a discoverer. Whatever his walk in life, his work will be difficult and protracted, but success will ultimately crown his labors. Endowed with a sharp, incisive mind and strong purpose, he will ignore the advice of friends and rely wholly on is own efforts. It is a degree of DISCOVERY. 

Clairvoyance; imitators; aptitude for studying human nature; angina pectoris; large or peculiar teeth; especially if on the Ascendant; wants to be the “head man” unless a benefic is here; good intellect; sometimes art ability but better suited to commercial enterprises; gives an immoral; mean; slovenly nature; pear-shaped muscle.

Denotes one of active mental power who is indispensable to his friends and a thorn to his enemies. He is capable of seeing events far in advance of their materialization and counts the years of human progress in its pendulum-like motion. He has in him a strong spirit of fight and a feeling of naught else but victory. It is a symbol of Supremacy.

Pluto : Same as Sasuke.

Section Four: Synastry and composite

Based on the degrees I used for natals, I drew up a composite chart and a synastry chart for sasuke and itachi as well as for sasuke and naruto but I wont be providing interpretations since that would make this post far too long. Note that some of these aspects might be wrong as not all degrees are certain.

Before we get started let me just clarify the difference between synastry and composite. 

Synastry is conversations between different parts of people. An example would be if my mercury and your moon are in a nice harmonious aspect, I say something in my style of communication based on my thinking process, now you get what I’m saying at an emotional level because you feel the same way, your feeling process and my thinking process are similar, the way you express your emotions and the way I express my thoughts are close, so I get how you feel on a logical level and you get what I think on an emotional level. 

Composite is the overall, combined energy of the relationship. Lets say you have a very rational and to the point way of communicating but then you meet this person and with them, for some reason, as soon as you meet both of you seem to communicate in an emotional, passive-aggressive way (strongly aspected composite mercury in cancer). Or if you have tons of things in common with someone, you communicate in a similar way, you like the same things, but you just can’t seem to think of a single thing to say to them. You meet and your mind goes blank, there should be a world of things to talk about but literally nothing comes to mind, the conversation is dry and an absolute chore and then you look at that composite and there’s a tight saturn (restriction, block) conjunct mercury (communication) and everything makes sense. It also says things like why you got together (composite sun), how people perceive your relationship (composite ascendant), ...

So lets go see how these characters relate to each-other on a cosmic level.

edit: I removed the composite to natals part because they require extremely tight orbs so it’s kind of risky for something so uncertain.

Sasuke-Itachi synastry:

I forgot to erase that sun-sun semi-square (it’s out of orb) so just ignore it. Lots of harmonious saturn could lend itself to commitment and respect, lots of harmonious aspects to sasuke’s venus along with itachi’s sun in his 5th shows how fun and loving this relationship was for him (sasuke). Both their moons are getting lots of close aspects too. Those moon ascendant aspects and quick comfort and easy relating, an immediate emotional connection, Itachi’s mars aspecting Sasuke’s moon, ...

Sasuke-Itachi composite:

So this composite sun (purpose, nature of the relationship) in cancer (family) is perfect. I wonder if this was a coincidence or if Kishi really looked this up. Ascendant in scorpio is pretty nice as well. Plenty of neptune, lots of pluto, ... 

Composite sun in the eight very much paints their relationship, intense, obsessive, transformative and full of death (both metaphorical and literal). Composite moon in the third, communication is important to the health of their relationship and emotional security regarding it, ... There is plenty of stuff to unpack here so I’m not going get into it, specially since we don’t know much for certain.

Sasuke-Naruto synastry:

An interesting point here is that naruto’s moon would be in sasuke’s 4th house of family so that explains why he sees his family in him. Also, like I mentioned, plenty of harsh pluto, harsh mars-pluto giving lots of energy which if directed well, can contribute to good teamwork against outside forces and if not will lead to petty yet emotionally volatile arguments and controlling behaviour.

I put the ascendant opposition aspect there even though it’s out of orb because kishi went out of his way to make them opposites in the way they present/carry themselves and their aesthetic so this aspect would probably exist.

Sasuke-Naruto composite:

There are two extremely important personal planets missing here (jupiter and mercury) so the picture isn’t complete but based on what we have, we can tell quite a bit of the story.

Venus conjunct sun is a very good aspect which means the relationship makes the people involved in it feel good, have fun, ... Sun trine moon and venus trine moon are also great aspects to have so that’s nice. Mars trine saturn could make them more organized and better at acting together in a systematic way. Neptune trine mars could mean that they understand each other’s actions and drive (in a physical/tangible sense, not necessarily the reasons behind them) intuitively.

Sun square mars is similar to my previous point, lots of energy which will at best lead to working effectively together against outside forces and at worst will lead to violence, unhealthy rivalry/arguments and constant irritation. 

Mars-neptune, not seeing the nature of the relationship properly, delusion, illusion, escapism, an unwillingness to see the relationship for what it is, ... neptune-saturn and lack of proper boundaries. 

Ascendant in aries and the rival look, sun in virgo (coworkers, a work relationship), composite sun in the 5th, a fun, dramatic and creative relationship, composite moon in the first, projecting feelings about the relationship all over the place, it just can’t be hidden and the outside world sees you as emotionally tied together, perhaps more so than you actually are unless there are other strong moon aspects to personal planets, ...

One thing that is oddly not here is major pluto aspects, however, if lack of aspects to a planet in a composite chart is similar to a natal chart then it could make that planet’s themes more prominent because the energy has no proper outlet so it pops up everywhere.

Thank you for your time, any input is appreciated :))

[kooks3uphoria]

Oops

Word count: 2.2K

Summary: You had a rough day and needed some sort of relief. Luckily, your amazing boyfriend was able to deliver exactly what you needed. 

Genre: Smut

Warning: Daddy/babygirl, oral (f receiving), squirting, overstimulation, fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it up kids), orgasm control, multiple orgasms, PWP, I think that it lol

A/N: Sooooo, this is my first time writing smut....so go easy on me lol. Tell me what you guys think. Like does it progress too fast? Well anyways, it isn’t edited and I didn’t have a good title so sorry about that lol. Enjoy!!

You had a tiring day. One of the more important people in your building got fired so you had to pick up the slack for their absence. The overabundance of work you needed to do caused you to miss your lunch break completely and one of your colleagues was supposed to drive you home today but ended up leaving early for a family issue. You were the last one to leave the building and you had to take the public transit home, which was not a pleasant experience since you got caught between two people who smelled like they bathed in weed instead of water. When you finally walked through the doors of your apartment, you wanted to cry. You needed some sort of release. You needed Jungkook to just fuck this day out of you. 

You walked through the door and threw your shoes off, failing to realize that Jungkook's shoes were not the only ones that sat there. You yelled out Jungkook's name to which he replied with an indication that he was in the living room area of the apartment. 

“Jungkook, I’m tired, mad and horny. Eat me out,” you said as you walked into the living room, eyes closed, rubbing the back of your neck. You heard jungkook choke and you opened your eyes. There sat Jungkook along with Jimin, Namjoon and Yoongi. Your eyes widened before you broke into a nervous chuckle. 

“I’m tired, mad and hungry! Let’s go and eat out!” you fixed your sentence, hoping that the boys wouldn’t say anything. 

“Alright guys, I think we’ve been here long enough. Jungkook clearly has other plans now,” Yoongi said to the 2 boys. They nodded, holding in their laughs as they made their way out of the apartment. You stood in the kitchen banging your head against the wall as jungkook walked them out. You heard the door close but didn’t halt your movements until your head wasn’t hitting the wall anymore. Instead, it was hitting the palm of Jungkook's hand. You looked up and he was smirking down at you.

“A little inappropriate don’t you think (Y/N)? Coming home and asking me to eat you out in front of my friends like that,” You groaned at his words. 

“Ughhh, shut up! I didn’t even know they were here!” you wanted the ground to swallow you. You didn’t even want to be in the presence of Jungkook right now. 

“Didn’t say it was bad. Do you still want me to eat you out because I’ve been getting hard since you mentioned it. Had to hide it from my hyungs when I walked them out,” I take back that last statement about you not wanting to be in the presence of Jungkook. You can feel the wetness collecting in your panties. 

Jungkook turned your body around so that you were face to face before he started planting kisses down your neck. Your eyes closed and your head tilted to give him more space. You let out little whimpers as he licked and sucked on your neck. Jungkook picked you up and set you down on the counter, continuing with the kisses on your neck. His hands work at your blouse, unbuttoning each button while his lips leave your neck and find your lips. As the last button comes undone, his hands wander the sides of your body. One of his hands was placed on your lower back pulling your body closer to his while the other one moved in between your legs, resting on the inside of your thigh. So close yet so far from where you needed him.

“Please jungkook” you separated yourself from jungkook and moaned out. Jungkook chuckled at your words but moved his hand further away from where you needed him, tracing little shapes into your thighs as he continued with his ministrations on your neck. 

“Why don’t we take this somewhere else and I can eat you out properly?” you nodded desperately at his words and his hands moved under your ass as he picks you up. Your lips connect again as Jungkook carries you to your shared room. The kiss was hungry and rushed. Jungkook drops you onto your bed, not even bothering to close the door. He looks down at you from the foot of your bed, your blouse unbuttoned showing off your new lacy red bra, your legs already spread for him and your facial expression alone showing him how desperate you were. He grabbed your calf and pushed your whole leg up, forcing your skirt to rise up and give him a front-row view to your soaking panties. He chuckles at the sight.

“I haven’t even touched you yet baby,” his face lowered and his breath was felt through the fabric of your underwear making you shudder. You couldn’t even say anything in response as his tongue came in contact with your covered core. You moaned at the feeling.

“How many times do you want to cum tonight baby girl?” He did it once more before pulling your panties to the side. He sighed at the sight of you before diving right in. 

“How about 4 times? Does that sound good?” you moaned at his words. He took that as an ok and his tongue proceeded to circle your clit a couple of times before taking it between his lips and sucking on it. Your moans were music to his ears as he moved down to lick at your slit. He groaned at your taste. The vibrations ringing through your body. It wasn’t until he reached a finger up to your slit and his tongue moving back to flick at your clit, did your hands come down to weave through his hair. 

You were so wet, he easily slipped in another finger. He pumped his finger into you, finding your g-spot surprisingly fast. You were panting and your moans coming out a lot more breathy then you’d like them to.

“Faster,” you managed to spit out. He didn’t need to be told twice before he started to pound his fingers into you at an inhuman pace. Your moans get louder and were turning into screams as his tongue also picked up the pace.

“Fuck fuck fuck I’m gonna cum, please don’t stop,” Jungkook smiled as you started to grind back onto his face and fingers. Your orgasm came with a scream of Jungkooks name. His movements didn’t falter as he helped you ride out your high. He didn’t pull away until you were pushing his head back from the overstimulation. You gave it a couple of seconds before finding the strength to lift your head and look down at him. He was already looking up at you, the lower half of his face soaked with your cum. The sight only causes more arousal to gush out of you. He moved up and captured your lips in a heated kiss.

“You made a mess baby,” You raised your eyebrows, just now taking in how not only was Jungkooks face soaked, but his shirt was too. Your hands came up to cover your face in embarrassment. 

“Don’t be shy sweets,” he said, grabbing both your wrists and removing your hands from your face. He smiled down at you before his head dropped back down to your neck. He used his fingers to scoop up some of your slick, moving it to your clit and rubbing over it in slow circles. You winced at the sensitivity but didn’t make any move to stop him. Your breaths were coming out shaky as you focused on his hand that on your pussy. You were so focused on the pleasure you were receiving, you didn’t realize Jungkook has unbuckled and taken off his pants. When Jungkook parted from your neck, you open your eyes and saw him pumping himself. 

The sight of Jungkooks cock makes you light-headed. You didn’t know how your boyfriend was blessed with such good looks and physique. You thought this man won the genetic lottery when you first met him. You were already blown away by his facial features and his god-like body but he took off his pants you knew you were the luckiest person in the universe. His cock is a lot longer than the average male and the girth of it just enough that he wasn’t completely tearing you apart when you fucked.

Jungkook removed his hand from your pussy, guiding his dick to your entrance. He slides his tip through your folds, lubricating it with your slick. He sticks just the tip in before pulling it back out. 

“Please, don’t tease me,” he only chuckled at your words, taking his cock and slapping it against your pussy a couple of times. Your breath hitched and your eyes fell closed once again. Jungkook chuckled at your expression. He was painfully hard now and lines up with your entrance again, having enough with the teasing.

Jungkook sighs as he bottoms out. He begins with slow thrusts, giving you time to adjust. 

“Fuck Jungkook. Please, go faster,” he groaned at your command.

“That’s not my name baby,”

“Please daddy!” His sweet slow pace turns into rough and past thrusts. Broken chants of his name fall from your lips. Loud sounds of your pants and moans mixed with his bounced off the walls. The constant sound of his thighs slapping against your ass made you gush. He hooked his hands under your knees and pushed your legs up so that your thighs were pushed up against your chest. This allowed him to reach deeper parts inside of you as you squeezed around his cock. Your orgasm was creeping up on you faster then you would’ve liked and when jungkook moved a smidge to the left and found your g spot, you were thrown over the edge. 

“Fuck!” Your moans were muffled by Jungkooks lips. He lets out a shaky breath as your cunt flutters against his cock. His pace slows as you ride out your high but picks up again after. You reach your hands around your body, trying to stop his movements by placing a hand on his hips, the overstimulation getting to be too much for you but he doesn’t stop. Instead, he brings his hand down to you clit and rubs fast circles into it. You scream at the mind-blowing pleasure as your third orgasm washes over you. 

Your cunt squeezes around Jungkook and he pulls out right before your soaping cunt can make him cum. He falls over you as your lips connect. He lets you take a breath before his hand goes back to you cunt. He gives your pussy a couple of pats before going back to rubbing slow circles into your clit. 

“It’s too much. I can’t cum again,” you say, grabbing his wrist to stop his movements.

“You can and you will baby girl. I haven’t cum yet. Are you just going to leave me like this after you got all the pleasure?” you shake your head at his words.

“Good girl. Now you’re going to stay silent and take what daddy gives to you alright?” you nod and Jungkook shoves his cock back into you. 

“You don’t cum until I say you can. Got it?” you whine at his words but didn’t dare say no. he chuckled at the strained whine that came out of you. He pulled out again to turn you around so you were on all fours before shoving his cock back into you. Both his hands were stationed on your shoulders, using them as leverage to pull you back onto his cock. The sheer force of his thrusts would’ve sent you flying if he weren’t holding onto your shoulders like that. 

“I’m close daddy. Please let me cum,” You begged. He only chuckled, dropping one of his hands from your shoulders, so it could wrap around you to rub at your clit. 

“Don’t you dare,” you felt tears gathering in your eyes at the pleasure. You were trying your best to stop your orgasm but Jungkook only increased the pace of his thrusts. His cock was now pounding directly into your g spot and you screamed. 

“Please! I can’t hold on any longer! Please,” Jungkook grunted at your words. He was getting close himself. He held out on saying anything for a little, continuing his ministrations on your clit. 

“Cum, baby girl. Make a mess all over daddy’s cock,” at the sound of his words, you released. You felt it this time. The gush that squirted out of your pussy, soaking Jungkooks thighs along with the sheets. Jungkook groaned at the feeling of your pussy clenching around him and the wetness squirting against his thighs. After another half a dozen thrusts, he stilled inside of you. You felt the spurts of his cum painting your walls white. 

Your limbs gave out on your and you dropped onto the bed. Jungkook stayed inside you until he softened. You both winced at the feeling of him pulling out. Jungkook grabbed the blanket that was hanging off the side of the bed, throwing it over the both of you. 

“Hard day today?” he asked as you turned around, snuggling into your chest. You only nodded at his question.

“Don’t worry, sleep baby, we’ll talk about it later,” You didn’t need to be told twice as you let the exhaustion take over. 

[fallenfurther]

Homecoming - A social call

Chapter 3 - Jeff and Colonel Casey

Continuing with Jeff's recovery and relationships with the main characters in TAG. Sorry this one is a little later out than I planned. A flat move and no internet means I had to wait until I had time to sit in a coffee shop.

Chapters 1 and 2.

Enjoy!

***********

Colonel Casey signed herself into the rehabilitation centre for her first personal visit. She'd seen Jeff for official business, the GDF helping to re-establish the astronaut's living status as well as for the obligatory debriefs. The interviews had happened in one of the rehabilitation rooms here. The debrief of his eight years in space had taken a couple of days to complete as they had been required to work around his routine and energy levels. It had been a shock to see the astronaut so tired and struggling, but it was to be expected. She knew Jeff was on a strict routine and diet plan to help him with his nutritional deficiencies and regain lost muscle, though what it entailed she wasn't privy to. She'd wanted to visit earlier, but her position in the GDF meant she had been tied down with paperwork. Now she could finally sit down with her old friend and catch up properly. Heading down the corridor, she found his room and knocked. A short sharp military rap.

"Come in."

The voice was faint, but oh so familiar. She opened the door and peered in, excitement building inside her chest.

"I thought it was about time I paid the great space survivalist a visit."

A grin spread across Jeff's face as he pushed himself out of his chair. She crossed the room in a few strides and hugged the man. He embraced her back, though she didn't fail to notice how weak his arms were compared to the bear hugs she remembered. Her own arms had been reserved so as not to crush his delicate body. The positive was that he seemed stronger than he was when they'd first met which was pleasing, and she hadn't missed how her friend was much steadier on his feet. The need to pinch herself was still present. Seeing that footage and message had been hard, having already accepted the man's fate and moved on. The world would just have to adjust to having Jeff Tracy back.

"It's been too long." The man whispered in her ear, his deep baritones warming her soul in a way only a long lost friend could.

"It's only been two months."

"That was official business. Your lack of uniform tells me this is the social visit I've been waiting for."

Jeff was right and the smile on his face said he knew it. He'd always been this way, so sure of himself. It was what had gotten him so far, and probably why he was still here now. The confident stubborn man. Memories of days gone by, from when Jeff had first started putting International Rescue into motion, flooded her mind. She'd been present at that first meeting when Jeff had asked for clearance for his new venture. Valerie had been a newly appointed Captain, and it was one of her first major meetings. That was the day she'd heard about International Rescue and it had been incredible to see the legendary astronaut stand up and ask for permission to start the organisation. She'd hid her unease and suspicions and had viewed the plans he'd presented in the meeting. The secrecy aspect of the organisation had worried her most, not knowing exactly what was going to be flying around, not knowing who was involved or the training they would be put through. The committee had debated it thoroughly. Five weeks of research, consultations and consideration and International Rescue was given a three month trial, to be extended upon review.

"You won't regret this."

Jeff had promised Colonel Henson when he had been told the news. She'd been present to see the historic moment. The firm handshake that had happened at the end of the meeting as if to solidify and seal the deal. He'd been right. International Rescue had not disappointed and had gone beyond anyone's expectations. They were granted permission to operate. There were still some in the GDF that disagreed with the amount of secrecy surrounding International Rescue and the lack of regulation and control the GDF had over the organisation. Some of that had eased slightly now the location of Tracy Island was now known to the higher-ups, but there were still those that were suspicious. Rumours still passed around, claiming the GDF had a dummy location, that it was all a ruse to make everyone feel comfortable with the situation and they were keeping the Thunderbirds and their secrets elsewhere. There were just some things she couldn't stop. She had been put in charge of monitoring International Rescue. Once introduced, Jeff had maintained contact with her allowing them to develop a strong working relationship, which ultimately led to a close friendship. Though he had always visited her, she'd gotten to know some of the boys before the accident, though now she knew them all extremely well. The boys had allowed more information about International Rescue to be made public, and shared further information still with the GDF, allowing for better communication between the organisations. It felt much better knowing exactly where they were, even if she had no idea what secrets they hid on the island. Scott had blessed her with a tour, allowing her to see what they were happy to share. Seeing it all in-situ had been a sight to behold and something she'd never forget.

"Sorry it's been that way, but you know how it is at the top. There is always a new situation that needs your urgent attention."

Jeff chuckled, a sound that Valerie had forgotten and almost brought a tear to her eye. It pained her how small things about a person could slip from your mind over the years. The man before her really was legendary. He was an astronaut people would talk about for years to come. He was also a great friend, who had always supported her journey through the GDF ranks.

"I used to know. I'm a little rusty and many things have changed. I've got a lot of catching up to do. I thought some of the technology Brains used to think up was way out there, but some of the new gadgets I'm seeing and hearing about are beyond that. I'm feeling old. Old and left behind."

Valerie noticed the change in his face and the slight dimming of the shine in those blue eyes. Jeff was old, but there was more to this than that. Placing a hand on the man's shoulder she guided him back into his chair and knelt beside him.

"I'm feeling old at the moment." Jeff continued with a sigh. "I'm all creaky, tired and struggling to keep up. They say I should get better, that my body has adjusted to the Oort cloud and that it'll take a while to shift back."

"You were never the most patient man."

That brought a smile to his face, but his head fell into his hand.

"I've spent so much time alone that I can't stand being cooped up in here anymore! The boys and Mum visit but I have less freedom than I did out there. I want to go home. Even if it means subjecting myself to both my mother's constant doctoring, and her terrible cooking."

"Maybe the staff are trying to make sure you're strong enough to stomach your mother's food?"

"Ha! I wish! Nothing on Earth could prepare me for Mum's cooking. I am handling food well though and if I'm honest, Mum won't mess up my diet plan. She knows how much it could set me back."

Valerie moved her hand in slow steady motions over Jeff's back. There was nothing she could do to change the situation, but she knew Jeff needed to let it out. She knew he was putting on a brave face for his family, that only the staff and therapists would know of the real internal struggle happening in the man. Jeff had told her enough about his life and the boys to know he'd do anything to protect his family. Maybe, eventually, he let them be the ones to protect him.

"You'll get there, Jeff. You just need time."

The man sighed, his whole body deflating. He'd had plenty of time in the Oort cloud, far away from everything he cared about. Now he was home, he was still being kept away. She knew the boys were visiting Jeff but it wasn't the same as being home with them. Especially with International Rescue taking them away so frequently. Valerie still got a weekly update on International Rescue’s activity, and although she doesn't read the full reports anymore, she still understood the operation enough to know the toll that it takes on the operatives.

"How has it been, the last eight years, for International Rescue? What's it been like from an outside perspective? Has it worked? Have there been problems? Have you any suggestions?"

Valerie sat back and surveyed her friend. Talk about going straight for the tough topics. She knew he'd ask about her later, but right now his boys were at the front of his mind. She also knew she had to be honest. There was so much Valerie wanted to tell the man, yet today wasn't the right day. Today would just lead the man to worry unnecessarily about his boys. When he was stronger and could enforce change himself, she might raise the latest annual International Rescue report with him. The GDF were concerned, but now was not the time to go down the official route.

"It was tough at first, not everyone liked Scott taking over everything at once, especially as he took on Tracy Industries too. But they rose to the challenge and got the job done, they've made improvements and they communicate more with the GDF now. We still don't know everything about your technology but that was always the arrangement from the get go."

Jeff sighed. "I never expected them to be needed as much as they are. Have you noticed how exhausted they are? Do you know when they last went on holiday? I think it's too much for them."

Valerie steeled herself, knowing exactly how she felt and how much the Tracy brothers would disagree. Everyone knew those boys worked too hard, but they were smart and never broke the flight hour rules, often maxing it out but never going over. The GDF couldn't ground them, even if it was for their own good, especially as there was often no-one else to do the job. Lives were at stake and no-one wanted to be the one to make that call.

"I have noticed the dark circles under Scott's eyes and the way he seems to carry the world on his shoulders. I don't often see the rest of them but the past few years have been pretty intense. I would say they were due a break, if only the world would give them one."

The small smile on Jeff's face showed her she had said the right thing. The concern was still there but the steel in his eyes said he had a plan formulating. She wouldn't pry. Not yet. She was sure she would find out in due course.

"So, you're a Colonel now, and Commander of the GDF. Can't say I didn't see that coming, but there must be a story behind it."

Valerie grinned at her friend, finally on a safer topic. This was what she'd come here for.

"Well, there is, but it's not quite as interesting as yours."

[rothjuje]

I accidentally ate some mango earlier (don’t ask) and now I’m sure my lips will blister in a few days. Sigh. I scrubbed my face with Dawn an hour after I realized my mistake so fingers crossed I won’t have to deal with that because it’s so painful and looks disgusting.

It was one of those days man.

I’ve been playing phone tag with our developmental clinic (they follow preemies until kindergarten) and a therapy clinic to try to figure out the best plan for George. Early intervention (ECI here) is...okay. I prefer to work with private companies because they’re more aggressive. More hands-on, more frequent appointments. So. I was going to stick with ECI for OT and then use a different company for George’s PT. Did the super long and annoying intake process. Talked to the financial department and everything. Then got an email today saying that they don’t service our area. I mean. Why. My address was asked within the first 3 minutes, why were hours and weeks of our time wasted?! Also, small town problems.

PT today was very functional and we were given lots of helpful homework so I think I’m going to just stick with them.

Also. PT is recommending George get evaluated for AFOs (ankle braces). Which I knew was coming but was hoping he could get by without them. Sigh. Anyway. One of my kiddos had AFOs, they’re not a big deal, but oh the questions we’d get in public.

I will say though. He’s doing very well despite his low muscle tone. He’s started to cruise furniture and is still only 16 months adjusted. Which is pretty much where Alyssa was at 16 months. So maybe he’s not too far behind after all.

I think Justin and I have figured out a backyard compromise. I think we’ll leave most of the yard the same (he is really unhappy with his job and is applying everywhere still) but will add a stock tank pool for the kiddos and some synthetic grass over by their play area. And storm door because that’s cheap. And I think I’ll do some counter treatments to jazz up the kitchen area. Maybe if we’re still here next year we can make bigger changes. Also, I really want to get a pig. It’s probably not the right time (our year countdown to #4 has started) but I am leaving mental space and $$$ for piggie. Why am I this way. I just need to intricately plan everything out years in advance.

Will delete this paragraph later. Sigh. The PT commented on George’s weight. Twice. Because she’s part of his “team” I don’t view it as inappropriate...I guess. But I am really shocked about how medical professionals have approached me about his weight. Which, for the record, is completely proportional to his height (off the charts for height and 99th for weight). I’ve been lectured. There have been weird jokes. I was even ambushed once. If he was actually overweight I would still be agitated, but he’s completely proportional! He’s a baby! He’s not even walking yet! Geez. Do people really start judging kids (and consequently their parent’s parenting) this young??

[sleepy-exe]

Shapeshifter AU - 11

Iwaizumi x f!reader

<< Part 10 | Part 12 >>

Summary: Sakusa and Atsumu go to Y/n’s to hang out and definitely not bug her about Iwaizumi. Feelings come to light.

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: none

Genre: sfw (18+ regardless), shapeshifter au, strangers to lovers

Part 11: Wolves and a Fox

Y/n had Sunday’s off work, so when her friends had a Sunday off as well they usually tried to see each other. Mizuki was out for a photoshoot today, but Sakusa and Atsumu made plans to hang out without her at Y/n’s place. The volleyball players would be away for a couple of weeks for games, so this was their chance to see her before they left. 

Sakusa and Atsumu left for Y/n’s apartment in the late afternoon, allowing her plenty of time to sleep in as they were painfully aware of her unruly sleep schedule - especially on weekends.

Sakusa sat in an armchair across from the loveseat Y/n was lounging in, listening as her and Atsumu went on about a couple of her troublesome coworkers. Mochi was balanced on one of the arm’s of his seat, tail occasionally flicking at him, but otherwise minding his space.

Atsumu stood behind the loveseat as he spoke animatedly. “Okay, but are ya gonna say anything about it?”

“Nah, I mean it's not that big of a deal. If they keep doing it, then maybe.” She adjusted in her spot to get more comfortable. “Anyway.. has Iwaizumi said anything to you guys?”

“I can’t believe that is who you’ve been talking to this entire time!” Atsumu leaned forward putting his hands on the back of the loveseat, looking over it at her.

“No, but I’ve only seen him during practice the last few days,” Sakusa answered from his spot with the cat, running fingers through her long grey fur.

“Ah, he don't even know ya know her though.” Atsumu rested his chin on his palm.

“He may figure I do by proxy. Seeing that’s how I met her in the first place.” Sakusa looks from Atsumu to Y/n. He spoke calm as ever, “You really think this is all fine? He really knows?”

She looked at him. “Yeah, I think so. We talked about it and he seems to understand the situation, at least regarding that the general public shouldn’t know about shifters. That it’s like shapeshifter-only knowledge. He seemed understanding. Though shocked, of course.”

“How did ya get on that topic with him anyway? Ya did not just go ‘oh hey, have you seen any wolves around lately,’ right?” Atsumu’s brows pinched together, though his tone sounded carefree.

She sighed. “No. I got spooked and kinda.. partial shifted in his living room.”

The room fell silent for a minute until Atsumu started laughing like that was the most hilarious thing he had ever heard. “Ya did not!”

She hid her face in the sofa cushions out of embarrassment.

Sakusa sighed. “Well, at that point it couldn’t really be helped - talking to him about it. Did he actually see you at the forest then?” Meanwhile Atsumu was still cackling, though now out of view.

Pulling her face from the cushions to speak, “Yeah, he did both times.”

Sakusa’s eyes narrowed. “Both times?” Mochi pawed at him, requesting attention to which he obliged by scratching her chin.

Ah, right.

She cleared her throat. “Yes, well.. He caught me shapeshifting from wolf to normal when I was with you.. and as only a wolf sometime before that.”

“Y/n,” he spoke sternly.

“I know! I know.” She fiddled with her hands.

He placed an elbow on the armrest opposite of the cat, and ran a hand through his dark curls. Stressed by the realization that this has happened more than once on top of involving his athletic trainer.

She took notice of this and spoke once again, gently, “Look.. I’ve only been talking to him for what, I dunno. Maybe two months? Maybe less?  And you guys have known him much longer than I have. Ya gotta agree that he seems like a good guy, right? Does he seem the type to go behind his friend’s back?”

Sakusa only stared at her impassively. But Atsumu picked up the conversation for him from the kitchen, ravaging her cabinets and refrigerator. “Yeah, I think if a regular ol’ person is gonna know, he’s probably one of the safer ones, y’know? Like I don’t think he’d say one thing and do the opposite, y’know?”

“He said that he understands that others can’t know. I even told him Mizuki can’t know, ‘cause they’re bound to meet eventually.” Y/n tugged at her sleeves mindlessly.

Atsumu returned from the kitchen empty handed. “Ya got nothing I want in there. Who wants to grab somethin’?”

“You go get something then.” Y/n kicked a leg at him even though he was out of reach.

“I can’t drive!” Atsumu frowned and moved around to stand by Sakusa, who now noticed fox ears atop his head. “Also, yeah. Mizu’ wouldn’t shut up about all of us knowing him and not her.”

“Mm. He did ask why I talked about her but not you guys.” Y/n watched as Sakusa swiped at the other man’s fox ears. “To be fair, I did talk about ya, just not about what you do or your names.”

“Atsumu, put those away.”

“Like anyone is gonna see from way up here, Omi-kun.” He motioned to the windows behind him. “Besides, if anyone did see, from this distance they wouldn’t know they’re real.”

“‘Tsumu, why don't ya get something within walking distance?” Y/n suggested only to receive a disgusted look from the fox shifter. She made a face back then made her wolf ears appear to match him.

“You could just order something,” Sakusa made his own suggestion.

Atsumu hummed, reaching over for Mochi and taking her with him as he took a seat. “Maybe later.”

Sakusa watched the cat get comfortable in her new spot, then side-eyed Y/n. “Did you tell Iwaizumi why you were ambiguous about us in particular?”

“Uhh, I basically said I didn’t wanna name drop you guys ‘cause you’re pro athletes. Y’know, privacy or whatever.”

“Right.. So he doesn’t know we are as well?”

“He doesn’t. And to be fair, that was pretty much the reason. Just, uh, being shifters instead.” She glanced at Atsumu before grabbing her phone to scroll through. “Have you decided on what you want to eat at least?”

“I dunno yet, I’m just hungry.”

“You should order groceries.” Sakusa suggested, though it sounded more like a demand.

She whined, “ Ugh, between you and ‘Zumi I might actually do it.”

“‘Zumi?” Atsumu smirked.

Sakusa pulled his phone out. “I’m texting Iwaizumi then.”

“What?! No! You two don't need to parent me.”

Both men shot her a look that said otherwise and she rolled her eyes.

“Fine. I’m goin’ to the place next door with the good Italian food. Just text me what ya want.” He headed for the door.

“Ears,” both wolves reminded him not to walk out of the apartment like that.

He gave Y/n a coy grin, fox ears vanishing. “Him? Expected, also thank you, Omi-omi. You? The one who got caught as a full on wolf outside? And more than once apparently.”

“You get seen as a fox all the time,” she argued back.

“Foxes are native here. Wolves are not,” Sakusa interjected.

“‘Kusa,” she cried.

“See ya! Play nice, pups.” The wolves sneered at him as he walked out the door.

After enjoying their meal in Y/n’s living room, she placed an online order for some groceries due to Sakusa and Iwaizumi, thanks to Sakusa keeping his word and actually texting the man to help him scold her about not keeping food stocked in her kitchen. “I can’t believe you actually texted him to yell at me,” she complained as she checked out her mobile order, wolf ears pinned backward.

Sakusa didn't even look up from his spot, cleaning up the table. “Worked, didn't it?”

“At least ya listen to someone.” Atsumu snickered from where he laid on the other sofa, one leg half off the sofa and the other hanging off an armrest. “Find him intimidating or somethin’?”

“No.” Y/n rolled her eyes.

“Well then why else? Ya don't listen to me,” he complained.

When Sakusa finished cleaning up, he nudged Atsumu’s shoulder, silently asking him to make room. The setter sat up just long enough for Sakusa to sit down before he laid back once more, claiming Sakusa’s lap as a pillow. “She does me.”

“Yeah, but you,” the faux blond pointed a finger at him, “Got, y’know.. whatever it is ya got goin’ on that makes people obey yer orders.”

“I don't order people around.” Sakusa’s brows pinched together in mild offense. “Maybe she just respects me more.”

She giggled at that, and Atsumu yelled at both of them.

Idly running a finger over a fox ear, Sakusa’s eyes wandered to Y/n. He caught her smiling at her phone while tapping away. Ever observant, he first picked up on it a couple weeks ago. He quietly added, “I’d say she.. just wants to behave for him.”

Atsumu’s brown eyes flicked up to Sakusa then followed his gaze to his other friend. “Behave?”

He drew Y/n’s attention with that, thumbs frozen against the screen and head slowly turning to the men.

“And maybe she doesn't like you in the same way.” Sakusa looked down at the pair of fox ears. They were full and soft and looked out of place in the blond hair, but not necessarily in a bad way.

Her eyes widened, darting between the two.

Atsumu raised his head up from Sakusa’s lap, removing fluffy ears from Sakusa’s grasp. “Wait..” He glowered before turning a wolfish grin at the blush across Y/n’s cheeks.

“Wha-“ She huffed. “You two! No- ‘Tsumu, don't look at me like that!”

He chuckled darkly, sitting up completely. “Oh yeah, Omi-kun? And in what way would that be?”

Sakusa leaned around him, a smile ghosting his lips. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“What? No, no!” She made her wolf ears vanish before they could possibly betray her. “You’ve got the wrong idea. What- How did you come to that conclusion?!”

Atsumu watched her ears disappear with a smirk. “Ya text him an awful lot.”

“And talk about him.” Sakusa added.

“No! Not anymore than I do you guys.” Y/n waved a hand at them defensively.

“You’re always smiling when you text him.” Sakusa pointed out.

Atsumu leaned forward, resting his chin in his palm. “And who have ya been talkin’ to since I got back with food? Hm? All smiley.”

“I wasn’t smiling,” she denied.

“You definitely were.”

“Do ya like our dear Iwaizumi, Y/n-chan?” He asked with a cocky grin.

“No!” She raised a hand to hide her face, feeling heat rise further.

Atsumu laid back down, getting comfortable once more. “Hmm. Well, if ya did I don't see how that’d be a problem. Don't ya agree, Omi-omi?”

Sakusa only looked down at him and gave a hum in agreement and half a nod.

He smiled up at Sakusa and Sakusa’s lips ticked up for a second, but then he noticed the glint in Atsumu’s eyes that suggested he was up to something.

“Anyway!” Y/n jumped up from the loveseat and clapped her hands together. “Now that we’ve eaten, why don’t we get on with our plans for the night.”

Part 12 >>

[rebeccatherine]

Reconnaissance

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Rating: Mature Characters: Sharon Carter (Marvel), Sam Wilson (Marvel), Arthur Parks Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Espionage Summary: Sam Wilson accompanies Sharon Carter on an undercover SHIELD mission.

Read on AO3 under the pseud rebeccavis or below.

Sam had offered to sleep on the floor. He said he was used to it from his days in the military, which Sharon understood; Steve had mentioned to her offhandedly before that his bed never felt quite right. However, on this occasion the bed was probably the safest place for both of them. As she had pointed out to Sam, they had a clear view of the window from there should they need it and, if anyone decided to check in on them, it would look a little strange for a doting wife to be alone in a king-size bed. Sam, after looking horrified by the notion of someone spying on him while he was asleep, eventually conceded. 

“Sorry.” Sam’s whisper had been preceded by the sound of something soft hitting the floor. “Why do they give you so many dang pillows?”

Sharon chuckled. “I don’t know,” she admitted, “Rich people shit?”

Their backs were turned to each other and, even if they hadn’t been, Sharon doubted she’d be able to see much of anything in the darkness of their isolated cabin. She heard a soft rumble from next to her, though, and could see Sam smiling in her head. “Rich people shit,” he agreed.

Sharon supposed she was meant to go to sleep now. While she hadn’t served in the military, she’d had her fair share of sleeping in strange places as a SHIELD agent, many of which had been far less comfortable than where she was at the moment. Even so, this was maybe the first time she was worried about having trouble drifting off. Her mind was usually where she felt it should be: focused on the job and what steps she needed to take to ensure its success, including getting a good night’s sleep. Tonight, her mind was for some reason lingering on terms of endearment, unexpected compliments and arms wrapped tenderly around her waist. 

She felt Sam’s weight shift slowly next to her and suspected he was turning over onto his other side. It was something she had been thinking about, too, although now it meant they’d be face to face, which would be weird. Or would it? She settled for rolling over onto her back instead to stare at the ceiling. Her eyes were starting to adjust to the darkness, and she could just about trace the outline of the wooden beams above her head.

“Hey, Shar?” Sam’s voice was soft, but so unexpected that she froze for a split second. “Can we talk?”

*

“Sam? Is my purse out there?” Sharon had raised her voice a little, hoping she’d be heard from outside the bathroom where she was putting on her makeup. 

“Uh...yeah, I see it, baby,” she heard Sam reply, emphasizing his last word significantly more than was necessary, “Do you need it?”

“Oh, I think I left something in there, but I can…” Sharon trailed off as she heard footsteps in her direction and then a gentle rap on the door she hadn’t bothered to lock. “You can come in. I’m almost done.”

The door opened with a click and Sam stepped in, offering up a smile as his eyes met hers. She could tell there was a slight nervousness to his expression, at odds with how comfortably the bespoke dark suit he was wearing fit him.  

“Almost, huh?” he said, his tone playful.

“Wouldn’t want to forget my lipstick,” Sharon explained, reaching over to take her small silver clutch from his hand, “Thanks.”

“Yeah, you’d look terrible without it,” Sam teased, to which Sharon chuckled. 

Having reclaimed the missing item from her purse, Sharon turned back towards the mirror to apply the deep red shade to her lips. It reminded her of the colors her aunt had always been fond of wearing, perhaps even more so because, like her aunt once had, she was currently sporting brunette shoulder-length curls. Her dress, on the other hand - red, full-length, with a front slit and a mostly open back - was probably something Peggy would not have opted for unless she had also been undercover.  

“Just to be clear - you look amazing, Shar.” She glanced over her shoulder at the sound of Sam’s words, then directed a grin at him.

“So we’re not going with ‘baby’?” she asked. 

Sam’s brow furrowed. “Damn it.”

“It’s OK, you don’t have to worry. While you were out I put a bug killer in one of the lamps by the bed, so nobody’s listening in on us,” Sharon assured him as she turned around, “It’s good to get some practice, though.”

“I just thought ‘baby’ would be easier,” Sam explained, “I’m worried I’m going to forget to call you by your cover name.”

“‘Baby’ works great. I’ll go with it, too.” Sharon gave a nod to indicate she was ready to go, then emerged with Sam into the bedroom. “Look, I know this undercover stuff isn’t exactly your thing, but I promise you’re in safe hands,” she added, “Besides, it’s not like you have to put on a British accent or anything.”

“Thank God,” Sam noted, “I bet you can do a great British accent. You have family from there, right?”

“Yeah, that’s an easy one for me. My grandfather’s whole side of the family is British.”

“Did they teach you any fun British slang?”

“Plenty, but I’m pretty sure it’s all from the fifties so I’m totally out of date.” Sharon gave a small shrug of her shoulders. “You know my aunt used to call me ‘Shaz’ sometimes?”

“Shaz?” Sam echoed. His eyebrows raised as he shot an endearing glance at her, clearly entertained by the idea. “That’s amazing. Can I call you ‘Shaz’?”

“Absolutely not,” Sharon replied, though she kept her tone light.

“Noted. Although I make no promises after this mission is over and I’ve found the nearest place where I can get a daiquiri,” Sam noted, “You don’t have to join me, though.”

“Maybe I’d be OK with it under those circumstances,” Sharon conceded with a smile, “I do like ‘Shar’, though.”

Sam looked pleased with himself. He made his way over to the bed to pick up Sharon’s coat, which he offered to her. “Trust me, I’ve worked with you enough and heard enough to know I’m in the safest of hands,” he affirmed, “I just don’t want to get in your way. Do the photos look good?”

“Oh, yeah, they’re perfect. All you need to do is distract Parks and I know exactly where I need to go,” Sharon slipped her arms into the outstretched garment, shrugging it over her shoulders and gently tugging her hair out from underneath it. “Tell Redwing I said thanks.” 

“I will,” Sam replied after a small pause, “So we’re in, we talk to the party guests for a bit, you go download the files, and we’re out. Pretty straightforward apart from the fact that our ride isn’t coming until tomorrow morning.”

“So unlike Maria to not come pick up her friends after a party, but what can you do?” Sharon joked, “I think we’ll be OK to spend the night in our luxury log cabin.”

“I can always take the floor,” Sam said. 

“We can talk about that later. Let me give you your comm.” Sharon’s purse didn’t have room for much besides her lipstick and some cash, but the communication devices - one of which she handed to Sam - barely took up any space at all. “Is there anything else we need to go over?”

“I don’t think so. I’m glad we have these,” Sam admitted, then something seemed to occur to him, “Oh, I was going to ask you about ground rules. I wouldn’t want you to be uncomfortable, but I know we’re supposed to be married...I guess I don’t know how this usually works.”

“When we’re in the field pretending to be a couple we tend not to go overboard on public displays of affection unless the intention is to make someone else feel uncomfortable. Honestly, though, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I trust you.” Sharon exchanged a small smile with him, and was glad to see he looked a little relieved. 

“Alright, then, Mrs. Dixon. Let’s go.” Sam offered up his arm, which Sharon took as they made their way down the wooden staircase to the living room. “This is some really weird rich people shit, you know. What kind of person owns what looks like an English mansion in upstate New York and makes his friends hire out nearby log cabins with no cellphone service just to attend his party?”

Sharon laughed, partly because it sounded a lot like something Tony Stark might do. “I’m glad you got that off your chest,” she commented, “And you’re right. Unfortunately, tonight I think we’re going to have to deal with a lot of rich people shit.”

*

“Name?” The man at the entrance to the mansion was dressed as a butler and peering at Sam as if he was a curiosity, which gave Sharon a strong urge to kick him in the face with one of her high heels. 

“Dixon. Sean Dixon,” Sam told him with a confidence that meant Sharon didn’t have to force a smile. She gave his arm an affectionate squeeze, having kept her own wrapped around it for most of the drive over.

“Ah, yes, and you must be the lovely Cherie Dixon.” The butler pronounced her name with a perfect French accent, so Sharon naturally had to correct him.

“Oh, it’s ‘Sherry’, but believe me, if I could say it your way I would,” she declared. The giggle she gave along with her words was fake but well-practiced, unlike the smile the butler gave her in return which was simply fake.  

“If you would be so kind as to step into our testing area,” the butler instructed them. 

Sharon gave a small nod which Sam mirrored, and the two of them made their way inside. Out of the corner of her eye, Sharon noticed that their ride - a chauffeured limousine that had been provided by the owner of the mansion - was still waiting in the extended driveway. She wondered what instructions the chauffeur had been given should she and/or Sam turn out to be mutants.

They had both been briefed early on that the party had a strict policy against mutants attending. It wasn’t a particularly new development; there were many, particularly those in power, who didn’t like that mutants could often hide in plain sight unlike most of the Avengers. What wasn’t clear, however, was how such policies were being enforced, and that was one of the things she and Sam had been tasked with finding out.

“Please give me your left index finger.” Sharon had been ushered along with Sam through the first door on the left, where a line of men and women dressed as old-fashioned footmen and maids were holding anachronistic devices that were roughly the same shape as a large calculator. She glanced at Sam, who just barely raised his eyebrows, then turned to the woman who had addressed her. 

“Here you go,” she said, letting go of her companion’s arm to present her left hand to what she assumed was a lab technician-turned-maid. The woman clearly didn’t have much in the way of bedside manner, as she pricked Sharon’s finger with a needle without so much as a warning. She then instructed her to press the small drop of blood to a pad on the device she was holding, where a bright light shone behind Sharon’s finger before she received a reading. 

“NO X-GENE DETECTED,” the screen flashed. 

“Is that good?” Sharon asked, her eyes wide.

The woman who had tested her all but rolled her eyes. “Yeah. That’s good,” she said, then turning to Sam, “You’re up next.”

Sharon’s eyes darted around to the other would-be house staff while Sam was similarly tested for his lack of a mutant gene. The devices they were using were unfamiliar to her, and she could almost make out a logo on the back of them but not quite. For now, she just made a mental note to try to steal one of the devices before they left the mansion for the night. 

“NO X-GENE DETECTED,” the screen flashed again, and Sam was also cleared to go out the door and back into the foyer.

“I feel like she drew way more blood than she needed to,” Sharon remarked, shaking her head. The needle prick didn’t really bother her at all and she’d had far worse injuries in the field, but Sam had been very quiet so far and it was starting to unnerve her how differently he was acting compared to his usual self. She hoped that she might be able to help him relax by drawing him into a conversation. 

“Oh, yeah?” Sam’s response wasn’t very encouraging but he did offer her his hand, which she took. 

“Maybe she was just jealous,” Sharon mused playfully. Sam had taken her hand in both of his and gently turned it over. “What are you doing?”

“Just surveying the damage,” Sam said with a hint of a smile, “You think she was jealous of your ring?”

Sharon had managed to almost forget about the 2 carat, heart-shaped engagement ring and matching wedding ring on her left finger. Sam clearly hadn’t, though, and she was glad he seemed to be settling into his role. “I think she was jealous of my gorgeous husband,” she replied, “You do look very good in that suit, baby.”

“Well, you look good in pretty much everything, baby,” Sam replied. Something about the way he was looking at her took Sharon off guard, and she was surprised to feel the back of her neck grow hot. Sam was apparently a better actor than she had given him credit for.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice coming out quieter than she intended at first. She cleared her throat and then added: “You’ve always known how to compliment a girl.”

“Isn’t that why you married me?” Sam teased. He let go of her hand and offered his arm to her again. 

“One of many reasons,” Sharon replied with a grin. She accepted his offer and then nodded towards an open doorway that led into what appeared to be the living room. “Everyone seems to be heading in there and it looks like they have drinks, so I vote we go check my coat and then we follow,” she suggested. 

“Lead the way, Cherie.” Sam managed a pretty decent impersonation of the butler from earlier, and Sharon laughed.

“Shut up.”

*

“Sher-ee.”

“Sher-ee,” Sharon repeated, butchering the French guttural ‘R’ sound as if she hadn’t had plenty of practice speaking French in her line of work.

“Eh, close enough.” The woman seated in a small, cream-colored armchair across from Sharon and Sam shrugged her shoulders with a smile, tossing her shoulder-length blonde bob. Sharon didn’t know too much about her yet but she did know that her name was Marie, she seemed to speak better French than Sharon did even when she wasn’t pretending, and - most importantly - she was their ticket to the person they were looking for. She seemed younger than Sharon, maybe twenty at most, and eager to make conversation. Sharon had spotted her chatting with the host of the party earlier, and all they needed to do now was get her to lead them to him.

“Didn’t you tell me your name means ‘darling’?” Sam asked, glancing at Sharon. They were sitting on a powder blue couch, his arm resting gently around her shoulders. 

Sharon all but batted her eyelashes. “That’s what my mom always said.”

“Yes, she was correct,” Marie said enthusiastically, “From chérir, to cherish.”

“Like the Madonna song,” Sharon joked. Sam chuckled, but Marie’s blank expression suggested to Sharon she’d been right about the other woman’s age.

“Clearly your mother chose well,” Marie continued, “You make a wonderful couple.”

“Thank you. I feel like I can barely remember what life was like before Sean,” Sharon said, all smiles, “We’re a good team. He makes up for all the things I’m missing.”

“Come on, baby, there isn’t anything you’re missing,” Sam insisted. 

“It’s OK, I know I’m not the smartest cookie in the cookie jar,” Sharon retorted, “But you, on the other hand...I’m telling you, Marie, you’re looking at the world’s next Tony Stark.”

“My wife likes to brag about me,” Sam told Marie, “I also love to hear it, though, so it all works out.”

“So you are interested in technology?” Marie asked.

“I’m working on starting up my own tech company,” Sam explained, “Cherie’s father is an investor and I’m looking for a few more.”

“In that case, you should definitely talk to Arthur if you haven’t yet. I know he’s always looking for new collaborators,” Marie said, “You know the mutant detectors that scanned your blood when you first arrived?”

“So that’s what they were?” Sharon mused out loud.

“Wait, did Parks provide the lasers they use in those?” Sam piped up.

Marie grinned. “Yes. He and Trask are hoping they’ll be able to make them available to the mass market soon.”

“That’s impressive,” Sam said with a nod, “Do you work with him?”

“Oh, no.” Despite Marie’s reply, Sharon could tell she was flattered by the notion that she might be involved in Arthur Parks’s company. Nice going, Sam. “I’ve just known him since I was very young. Arthur’s wife, Lucy, knew my father and when I was growing up he wasn’t around very much...the Parks practically raised me.”

“Well, clearly you’ve picked up a lot from them. I’m around Sean all the time and I still don’t really understand his work,” Sharon said with a laugh.

“I actually had been hoping to get a chance to talk to Mr. Parks. I’ve never met him directly but from talking to friends of his I really think we’d have a lot to offer each other,” Sam affirmed.

“Then allow me to introduce you,” Marie offered, “Trust me, it would be my pleasure.” 

*

“Alright, Sam, I’m in the study. Clear your throat if our friend is suitably distracted.”

Sharon soon heard Sam’s subtle assurance over her comm, although she almost didn’t need it because she could also hear Arthur Parks droning on in the background. She felt relieved that she had only had to stand next to Sam and pretend to be interested in the man’s work for a relatively short time before, as she had expected him to, Parks had invited ‘Sean’ to join him and a couple of other men for a cigar. Sharon had then spent a few minutes in Marie’s company before excusing herself to use the powder room. Her companion had offered to go with her, but Sharon had managed to convince her that she needed some privacy when she implied that she might be taking a pregnancy test. 

“I’ll be as fast as I can and keep you updated. Sorry this has to be a one-way conversation,” Sharon told Sam. 

When she thought about it, there were quite a few things she felt as though she wanted to apologize to Sam for. This wasn’t supposed to be his mission in the first place, for one. The original plan had been for Steve to accompany her, until the discovery that more than a few guests at the party had ties to HYDRA had made it impossible for Steve to go incognito. Sam had the technical expertise to both help in the field and impress Parks, so he had been the natural choice. The world of espionage was far from Sam’s natural environment, though, and even though he’d been doing well so far, Sharon felt a sense of responsibility in making sure nothing happened to him. That feeling was coupled with a decent-sized amount of guilt that she would actually rather be on a mission with Sam than Steve at the moment. 

“I’ve got to admit I’m a little envious of you, Dixon. It sounds like your story’s just starting and you have a world of opportunities ahead of you. I remember when it felt that way for me.”

Sharon rolled her eyes as she took her lipstick out of her purse and popped a concealed flash drive out of the bottom of it. She had little to no sympathy for the plight of someone like Arthur Parks. 

“I do feel very lucky,” Sharon heard Sam’s voice say, “Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve definitely had to hustle, but the hustle was worth it.”

“Hacking in now,” she informed Sam quietly, the flash drive now inserted into Parks’s personal laptop. 

“Mmmm, and I’m sure having a rich wife can’t have hurt. I wasn’t so lucky.”

Arthur Parks’s use of the word ‘wasn’t’ gave Sharon pause. They hadn’t been given any intel on his marriage having recently fallen apart, although it was a little odd that his wife Lucy didn’t seem to be in attendance at the party.

“A word of advice, Dixon, although it’s probably too late,” Parks continued unprompted, “Always sign a prenup.”

Sam gave what sounded like a slightly nervous laugh. “I don’t think I need to worry about my wife.” Sharon was about to tell him not to be afraid to throw his wife under the metaphorical bus if he needed to, but a third person with an English accent spoke up before she had a chance. 

“I think this one’s a lost cause, Arthur.” Sharon had heard the man introduce himself as Jonathan Wilson a little bit earlier. “You and your wife seem very much in love.”

“I really think it’d be hard not to fall in love with Cher,” Sam declared. Sharon noticed his ‘Cher’ sounded a little close to ‘Shar’, but hopefully nobody else would pick up on it. “I mean, you’ve all seen how beautiful she is but on top of that she’s so...brave, and talented, and just so competent…”

Sharon couldn’t help the smile that crossed her features for a moment, even if it quickly vanished as she realized she was listening to a bout of silence. Either something had gone wrong with the comms or Sam had paused awkwardly mid-sentence and although the latter was preferable, it still wasn’t ideal. 

“...at making me happy, you know what I’m saying?” Sharon heard a few ripples of laughter following Sam’s joke, and she breathed an inaudible sigh of relief. 

“Nice recovery,” she told him, “Alright, I’m in. Just keep doing your thing, but maybe don’t lean into the doting husband role too much. I don’t see so much as a picture of Athur’s wife in his study and it sounds like things got ugly.”

The conversation took more of a business slant again and Sharon was able to relax ever so slightly, continuing to listen while she went through the files on Arthur Parks’s laptop. She had always found it a little ironic that the objective of any given mission, like this, tended to be the easiest part. Getting in and getting out were usually the parts that you had to worry about. 

“Looks like the intel we got was solid. Parks is definitely trying to build himself some kind of team, but I think SHIELD will have to dig deeper to find out what for,” Sharon informed Sam, “I’m copying the list of contacts and his correspondence. Lots of familiar names here, several associated with HYDRA...and Georges Batroc. Interesting.”

“Anyway, I’m sure you’re tired of listening to me by now. Maybe I can get my laptop and show you some photos of all the places Parks lasers have been used. Who knows, I might even give you some ideas about where they haven’t.”

Sharon stiffened as she glanced at the progress bar in the corner of the computer screen. “I’m not done,” she said after hearing Arthur Parks’s words, “Sam, can you stall him?”

“I...think I already have some ideas, actually,” Sharon heard Sam say, “Marie mentioned you were interested in music, and I…”

“Marie thinks she knows a lot more than she actually does,” Parks interrupted, “My wife is the music lover. Not that her taste in music is any good.”

“Marie’s just a kid,” Sam noted softly, “They always think they know a lot.”

“Not that much of a kid.” Arthur Parks’s voice was quieter than before and Sharon was having a hard time hearing him. “It’d be nice if she acted like more of an adult every once in a while.”

“Almost there,” Sharon said to Sam. Her fingers were hovering over the flash drive, ready to retrieve it the moment it was finished copying the files. “Just keep him talking.”

“Well, she has nothing but nice things to say about you and your wife, so it seems like you taught her something,” Sam said, managing to keep his tone jovial, “She said you practically raised her?”

“You seem to be very interested in Marie,” Parks commented. Sharon thought she might have heard the sound of a clinking glass. “Wilson?”

“Yeah?” Sam answered at the exact same time as another voice that Sharon presumed belonged to Jonathan Wilson did. 

Shit. Sharon watched the progress bar creep towards the end far too slowly for her taste as Arthur Parks offered Jonathan Wilson a drink. 

“Sorry. I thought you said Dixon,” Sam said sheepishly.  

“Well, I was also going to ask you a different question,” Parks said, “You a Scotch drinker?”

 “Sometimes,” Sam answered. 

“Sometimes,” Parks echoed with a chuckle, “Where are you from again?”

“New York,” Sam replied, “City. The City. Harlem.” He clearly remembered his cover story but seemed to be having trouble keeping his nerves under control. 

“Right, right.”

“Got it,” Sharon declared, “I’m going to close up here and I’ll come knock on the door looking for you.”

“There’s something about your accent, though…” she heard Parks muse while she stowed the flash drive away back in her lipstick tube, “Sometimes it sounds a little off to me.”

“I can’t pick up on anything...but then, I don’t suppose I’d be able to,” Jonathan Wilson commented with a chortle.  

Sharon stood up after closing Parks’s laptop, making sure it looked just as it did when she had first found it. She felt as though she could practically hear Sam’s heart beating faster, or perhaps it was just her own. “Hey, don’t be afraid to change your backstory a little if you need to,” she encouraged him, “The easiest lies to tell are the ones with a bit of truth.”

“How did you know?” Sam said, feigning being impressed, “My dad is from Louisiana. I don’t even notice it most of the time but Cher tells me sometimes the occasional word slips out.”

Sharon smiled to herself. The door to the study was closed behind her and from there it was only a quick trip across the hallway to where she needed to be. Granted, it was quite a large hallway. 

“I knew it,” Parks declared, ���I’ve been to Louisiana a couple of times. New Orleans is a great…” 

Sharon knocked loudly at the door. When Arthur Parks pulled it open, he was greeted with the sight of her with her hair slightly dishevelled and grinning from ear to ear. 

“Can I help you, Mrs. Dixon?” he asked. 

“I just thought I’d stop by to rescue my husband,” Sharon answered.

*

It was getting in and getting out that you had to worry about. Getting to the party had required a lot of planning, from SHIELD providing Sharon and Sam with aliases and a mission briefing to their conversations on the flight to New York. During that time they had also planned how they’d be getting out, but that plan hinged on everyone perceiving them as nothing more than party guests. To that end, what they couldn’t do was leave the party at the nearest opportunity. Rather than make more small talk, Sharon had suggested they head to the ballroom and she didn’t think she’d ever seen Sam look more relieved. 

“So do you think I thoroughly destroyed your chances at entering into a business deal with Arthur Parks?” Sharon wondered playfully. She had to lean in close to him to be heard over the music, but that was easy to do when they were dancing.  

“Oh, I think those chances are pretty much roadkill by now,” Sam replied, making her chuckle, “That’s alright. I think if I’d had to listen to him for another half hour I’d have lost my mind.”

“I wouldn’t blame you. It’s his loss, at any rate.”

“Sure is. For a successful businessman, he seems pretty good at losing things.” Sam lifted his arm and gently twirled her around while she barely hid a grin. 

“You can spin me more than that,” she said, “I used to be a figure skater, you know.”

“Wait, really?” Sam closed the small distance between them as the song changed to one with a slower tempo, his hands coming to her waist. 

“Oh, yeah. My mom taught me to ice skate when I was a kid,” Sharon explained, “Have you ever tried it?”

“No, I haven’t, but I always thought it looked fun,” Sam replied, “I guess it’s probably a bit like flying.”

 “Well, I’ve never flown, but to me it feels a lot like flying.” Sharon let her arms rest around Sam’s shoulders almost without thinking about it. “I’m a little out of practice, but I still go sometimes. I’ll take you - maybe before rather than after we go to a bar for that daiquiri.”

Sam seemed to like that idea if his grin was any indication. “You’ve got yourself a deal.” He glanced over his shoulder momentarily and then leant in so that he could lower his voice even more, speaking softly  close to her ear. “You just need to go on a few more ops with me if you ever want to try flying.”

Sharon was surprised not by Sam’s gesture but her own reaction to it. She’d seen him harmlessly flirt with other people before, especially Natasha, and she enjoyed flirting herself when the occasion called for it. The unusual part was feeling her neck grow hot and letting her gaze linger on his lips when he pulled back. “I’d like that,” she admitted, “You’re a good partner.” 

Sam smiled again.

Sharon swiftly decided that she should keep talking, mostly because she wasn’t sure what she’d do if she didn’t. “Hopefully next time you’ll get to have a little more fun,” she told him.  

“Hey, I’m having fun,” Sam insisted, to which Sharon raised her eyebrows. “I am now, at least.” Sharon laughed. “I do wish the music was a little better.”

“Mmm, some Marvin Gaye, maybe?” Sharon suggested.

“For starters,” Sam replied, a hint of suspicion in his smile. 

“You know who probably would’ve picked better music?” Sharon said. She was struggling to keep a straight face before the punchline of her own joke, which she decided to attribute to a combination of both the high and relief from having completed a large part of their mission. “Arthur Parks’s wife,” she just about managed to get out before she burst into laughter, hiding her face in Sam’s shoulder. She heard him laughing as well, which only made it more difficult for her to compose herself, but at least she figured the other party guests wouldn’t think much of it. 

“You’re a great partner,” Sam declared, then adding, “We’re good to stay here for the rest of the party, right?”

Sharon nodded, pressing her lips together to suppress any remnants of her giggles. “I did just tell you that I’m pregnant, after all.” Sam’s eyes widened almost comically for a moment before he seemed to remember the excuse Sharon had used to get rid of Marie. 

“Of course,” Sam joined in, “We can name the kid Laser.”

Sharon had to cover her mouth with one of her hands to muffle a guffaw. 

*

“Hey, Shar? Can we talk?”

Somehow, Sharon had a feeling Sam didn’t want to talk about the mission, which had gone remarkably smoothly, all things considered. The intel they needed was stored on the flash drive in Sharon’s purse, which was sitting on the nightstand next to something else they had also managed to bring back. Just before they left the mansion, they had returned to the testing room with an excuse about Sharon having misplaced her wedding ring. While Sam distracted the woman who had tested Sharon earlier, Sharon had managed to grab one of the mutant detectors and the staff seemed none the wiser. The only real concern now was the fact that they had to spend the rest of the night in their cabin, which meant if Arthur Parks or anyone else did suspect them, they would know where to find them. Sam was aware of all of that, though, and she would be very surprised if he wanted to go over what to do if they caught a glimpse of someone staring at them through the window. 

“Sure,” she replied, her eyes still on the ceiling. She let out a small exhale before she rolled over onto her side to face Sam, barely able to make out his expression in the darkness. “Is everything OK?”

“Yeah. I just...I’m not even sure I should be saying anything, but...y’know, aside from almost forgetting New York was both a state and a city and being called ‘entertaining’ by some weird British folks, I actually had a really good time tonight.”

 Sharon couldn’t help a small smile. “I kind of meant it when I told Marie we made a good team.”

“Did you mean it when you said we should go ice skating and then for drinks?” That question caught Sharon off guard, particularly in how hopeful Sam sounded when he said it. “It’s OK if you didn’t,” he added quickly, before she had a chance to respond, “We’ve known each other for a while, but we’ve never…” Sam paused. “Tonight, when we were dancing, I just felt like…”

“I felt it, too,” Sharon said quietly. 

“OK.” She was starting to be able to see his face better as her eyes continued to adjust to the light, and she realized a smile was slowly spreading across it. “OK,” he repeated with a nod, “I’m kind of getting the feeling there’s a ‘but’ coming, though.”

“There’s a ‘but’,” Sharon admitted. His delight at the notion that they both felt similarly was already making her reconsider what she was about to say, but she wanted to be honest with him. “I’m not ready, Sam.”

“Ah. There it is,” Sam said. His grin vanished, as she expected, and he gave a small nod. “I understand. You did break up with Captain America. That had to have been pretty crazy.”

“Or, as my extended family likes to tell me, I’m the crazy one.” Sharon flashed a humorless smile. “I don’t...I’m not in love with Steve anymore, but that breakup wasn’t easy. It wasn’t even anyone’s fault, really, it was just...well, I’m sure the last thing you want to hear is gossip about your best friend.”

“I did just kind of admit to having a crush on my best friend’s ex-girlfriend, though,” Sam noted.

“I guess you did.” Sharon’s smile was genuine this time. “God, I wish we’d figured this out sooner.”

“I’ll take some of the blame for that. I was too busy staring at redheads.”

“And I was too busy thinking if I stuck around long enough Steve might fall in love with me.”

“Shar…” Sam’s voice was soft, and Sharon suddenly felt like she might have said too much. 

“If you were just a hot stranger this would be a whole lot easier,” she joked, trying to lighten the mood. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment, I think,” Sam teased back, “It’s OK, Sharon. Sometimes the timing just isn’t right.”

“I just meant that if it was someone I didn’t really care about, maybe I’d go on a date or two and it wouldn’t end well but it wouldn’t be a big deal. If it was you, though...I wouldn’t want to mess it up.”

“If it was you, I wouldn’t want to mess it up, either.” Sharon’s breath caught in her throat. “Can I...can I ask you a favor, though? If you do feel like you’re ready someday, and assuming you haven’t met anyone even hotter, can you let me know?”

“What if you’re dating Natasha Romanoff by then?” Sharon asked, not entirely unseriously. 

“In that case I would like everyone to please give us as much privacy as possible,” Sam replied with a smirk. 

“Wow, OK. She’s really your type?”

“Are you jealous, Shaz?”

Sharon couldn’t help but laugh. “Maybe a little. Is that OK?”

“Yeah. That’s OK.” Sam’s eyes had what could only be described as a twinkle in them. “You still haven’t answered me.”

“You’ll be the first to know.”

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH.5

A scream shocks you out of your fuzzy thoughts. You look around and notice Connor sitting alert and looking like he wants to run down the hallway this very instant.

“Connor?” the head snaps to you immediately and before you can even question his presence in your home he jumps up and barks then walks in circles near the door.

Great a dog who has no sense of horror movie tropes. Since the scream did come from inside your house you should go find the person who made it and see what's wrong. Also maybe get clarification on why they're in your home. You aren't dead and are still in the same clothes so you figure you're alright around them. You follow Connor to where Toby is, in your kitchen staring out the window standing at a very odd angle. Like he caught himself before he fell backwards but hadn't bothered to get up.

“What's up....oh.” is all you can say as you see Chonk's head whip towards you and Connor before he books it for the tree line. Damn that fat raccoon can run fast, good to know if he ever wants to chase you down in the future. Which he might if you don't leave his slice of pizza out today.

“'oh' 'oh', that's all yo-you've got to say about a giant fuck-ing ra-mrrow- raccoon!?!” maybe thinking this guy was composed and unphased was a misconception, if seeing Chonk has put his world views in question.

“I mean he probably just eats a lot of pizza.” to put it simply you never gave much thought to the fat little trash thief, he was just fat and he existed. Visiting your home for the slice he deemed his every other week. Probably had other homes in Kepler he terrorized for the same reasons. God knows Leo would never put up with a raccoon trashing his store for his pizza. Or even his home for that matter.

“He's nearly half the size of Connor!” looking down towards Connor you tilt your head.

“Are we talking about with his legs or just his torso?” you could maybe see the size comparison with the dog's body but with his height it was a different matter all together.

Toby rolls his eyes before going and sitting down at the small breakfast table where he seemed to have found your fidget cube and had been well fidgeting with it. You take the seat opposite of him, it's weird having a guest over especially when you didn't invite them in. Well now that removes the chances of him being a vampire you suppose.

Perfect not a kidnapper, nor a vampire, and he's helped you out twice now. The two of you might well be on your way to becoming best friends. That is if he could get past this episode of yours.

“I still don't know what happened last night, but I'm done with the freak out.” you say as you idly pet Connor.

“...What?” he's squinting at you trying to get a read on how anyone bounces back from something like that so calmly in a matter of hours. Especially when he'd been checking up on you and Connor only to see you still staring off into space.

“Oh, uh... I have Autism. Isn't good for much but helps me rationalize events quicker and move past emotional and mental breakdowns pretty quick too.”

“Is that an Autism thing?” you shrug at his question as he jerks his shoulders forwards a few times.

“Probably more of a me thing, but I've read the trait tends to be more common in those of us who are neurodivergent.”

You hear a murmur of telling someone later later. Filing that away to take note of another day you stare at Toby who in turn stares back. This goes on for a bit, you couldn't even classify it as a staring contest since you are both still blinking occasionally. You aren't really sure if you should say 'thank you' first and then ask the man what he's doing in your home or wait for him to break the silence. But as you stare at Toby, into his eyes, you get the feeling this man is more of a zombie than anything else. The type to drag along and go at a snails pace rather than get into the messy bits in one go...ironic choice for comparison.

“Thank you for driving me home...but why are you still here?” you hear a huff of laughter?

“You weren't really in a position...” knuckles pop “to be left alone. What if you got back into your car again?” his eyes cut and there's a bit of bite to his words...it wasn't directed towards you, you can feel that much.

“Fair enough.” you glance at the stove and see the clock shine a little before six. “Would you like some breakfast” his neck snaps to the left triggering your own to snap as well, “or a ride home?” you finish asking.

“Can you make something for Connor too? Don't trust you behind the wheel yet.”

“Oh sure! What does he normally eat?” Perking up at the thought of the dog being off duty, that means actual pets!

“He-mrrow- normally gets oatmeal with some fruit or veg and anything raw I can find.” He finishes with a whistle for Connor's attention, and then a pointed finger flipping down in front of him. The dog trots over and sits down, while Toby takes off the vest you look through your cupboards to find the rolled oats you'd gotten as incentive to eat in the mornings before realizing you only liked them on certain days.

“So what does Tobias normally eat?” you call out as you look for some honey you know you threw in the cupboards.

“Anything really. I don't do slimy textures or anything watery.”

“Watery? Like soups?” Found a can of pumpkin, it's still in date too, perfect.

“Watery like...when you put too much water in oatmeal.” He nods when you silently show him the can of pumpkin asking if that'd be fine for his boy, who is sitting down drooling from his smiling face as Toby tussles his ears.

“Ahhh, thin watery got it.” You hear movement and a few grunts from Toby as you assume he tics, trying to ignore them so they won't trigger your own you look through the fridge. You suddenly take a deep breath, while looking for a meat in your fridge, and let out a shrill trill. Kinda sounds like a Togepi's cry from the cartoon. Shaking your head your eyes catch the eggs and turkey sausages you have.

“Will turkey sausage and eggs work for you two?”

“Never had turkey sausage but it should be fine.” he's leaning forward resting his head in his arms on the table as Connor lays by his bouncing feet.

You set the eye to medium heat and put the sausages on first, leaving three out for Connor. He is a big dog after all. You turned your focus on preparing Connor's oatmeal while the sausages cooked. It was kinda nice having company over even though the circumstances weren't the best. Your neck jerks to the side three times before pulling back. There's more on the way your neck didn't crack and your body doesn't let up until it does.

“So what disorder do you have?” You turn to give Toby a confused look you hope he can read through your mask.

“...I have a few..you want the list?”

“No, the tics. Lower level Tourettes or what?”

“Oh, they stem from my” head jerking twice to the side before cracking “there we go.” “Sorry, they stem from my Autism, at least that's the best I can gather without seeing a specialist. Virginia doctors suck big time.”

“Tell me about it.” that perks you right up, you knew you caught a transatlantic accent, it's pretty much the lack of an accent that gives Virginians away so easily. You already have two guesses on where Toby came from.

“I knew it, you're from Halifax aren't you?!” Since you've turned around to face him you see the exact moment his face drops. Eyes shocked wide open.

“How...did”

“Oh it's easy once you know what to listen for, in fact it was the total lack of any distinguishing accent or use of slang that gave you a way. A lot of people don't notice what they take from their communities linguistically speaking. And for us Virginians it's what we don't take. It's such a bland neutral midpoint it's why it had been so coveted during the radio era and while we might've lost the in-fluctuations as time went by, no longer needing them for our voices to be heard over various frequencies....am I talking too much you can tell me to shut up, really you won't hurt my feelings.” you give Toby a minute to process everything you've just said.

“Special interest?”

“mmm, more a...an interesting factoid.” you hope he registers your smile, hell you hope he doesn't think you're weird. You know how much you can be sometimes, especially when you info dump or overshare information. He manages to nod along with you before finding his voice again.

“Lemme guess NOVA?”

“Pfft, seriously.” you really need him to at least register the disgust on your face if he hasn't been able to read you before, “Listen the Beach isn't much better but I'd probably off myself if I was from NOVA.”

“A public service really.”

You both stare at each other before breaking into a fit of laughter. It's nothing huge but it does seem to put Toby more at ease you noticed. In the time it took you to make breakfast for all three of you you've found out a little bit more about Toby.

He's uncomfortable talking about his hometown, at least you assume, so instead he mentions that he recently came to town with his friends, Brian and Tim. Talks mostly about Connor and you learn he's to help alert Toby of his Tourettes when driving and he can even detect seizures with Brian. That's amazing, service dogs have sure come a long way! And you love hearing what a silly puppy Connor is off duty, it makes you smile. Toby in turn asks about you, and you are such a well of stories. You tell him about your family back on the coast, about your recent move to Kepler, give him a little info on Kepler to help him adjust to his stay, and even get on the topic of your extensive work with animals.

“Sounds like you were working towards being a trainer, why didn't you?”

Making a sound that sort of sounds like a jumbled 'I dunno', “Sort of don't like people that much. Dogs are fine, less complex and less likely to complain when you do something in a different way. But a trainer doesn't train the dog, they train the people.” You're placing Connor's food in front of him as he sits patiently.

It's quiet for a moment as you place a plate in front of Toby and set yours down as well. Not tense just quiet, it's very calming really. Until Toby ruins it.

“Thanks Connor.”

Like he's a voice actor who is over exaggerating the sound effects of a dog munching away at their bowl. Connor inhales harshly before diving head first into the bowl. The dog is ferociously tearing into his breakfast and you can't help the laughter that spills from you at his enthusiasm. Hands coming up near your face and shaking as you shift from foot to foot. It's a happy stim, cute dogs are of course a trigger, someone can complain later you're happy to see a happy excited pup any day.

Taking your seat and turning your attention to your food, you see Toby hasn't touched his own. He's staring at the plate with a furrowed brow, he glances up to you as you remove your mask. You feel a bit vulnerable to be honest.

“Oh is something wrong? Do you want something else?”  He's a guest who's helped you twice now the least you can do is make sure he leaves your home full.

It takes a moment but he gathers his thoughts to explain, “I have a scar...it's pretty bad.” he looks away from you.

You tilt your head not quiet understanding what he means, “Cool story, do you want me to look away?”

He stalls at this, you just keep throwing him for a loop since you met the other day. While he thinks on it you scoop some of your eggs on your spoon and into your mouth. Perfect texture and prefect flavor, today will be good.

Toby seems to have made his decision and without any show he takes his mask off to begin eating. You can see the scar he was talking about, and while the currently red and bleeding'?!' scar on the left corner of his mouth was bad it wasn't much compared to the gaping hole further up that side on his cheek. You can clearly see the even whiter, how this boy is so pale is beyond you, skin around the edges suggesting the wound was older and had started to heal at some point. But you could see most of the teeth on the left side of his mouth. You've never seen these teeth while they were still in the head. A skull or 3D model yea. But never a living breathing person's head. It's fascinating really, you hadn't even noticed that you finished your breakfast as you watched him eat, you were so enthralled.

“You know your lip's bleeding right?” eyes never leaving the boy's teeth as you see them grind down the eggs into the tiniest particles. Neat!

“Rwhatf?” the way he can talk with his mouth full without spilling it from the hole is fucking magic and you won't hear another word on it.

He takes a drink of water, again it doesn't spill. Then you notice the slight tilt of his head...oh he's had practice doing this. Impressive honestly.

“That's what you choose to comment on?” his eyes narrow at you're still gawking form.

“I'm sorry I've just never seen those type of teeth still in head, normally muscle and...and skin cover them. So this is really cool to see them in action!” gosh you're so damn weird. By his stupefied expression Toby seems to think so too.

“Plus the wound looks healed but the lips look fresh,” you get up and grab a few paper towels bringing them over to offer to Toby, “Not to mention it's bleeding and you haven't once wiped it.”

He doesn't reply as he takes the napkins from you and dabs at his scarred lip, looking back and seeing blood just as you said. He was right when he thought he'd been biting himself a few hours ago. He'd totally forgotten to check after getting you home.

“Well I don't feel it so I didn't know actually.” he just resumes eating as if this conversation didn't happen.

“Didn't, didn't, didn't” you get stuck in a loop for a bit before breaking out “you didn't feel it? What do you have congenital insensitivity to pain?” you ask incredulously.

“I haven't heard it called that since I got diagnosed.” still eating he looks at you through his long eyelashes.

This dude could not be a real person. You had to have been imagining your dream friend. Everything you learned about Toby was more interesting than the last...at least for you it was.

“Medical history podcasts are interesting.” you shrug, “should I get the first aid kit?” at his shrug you get up and go to your bathroom to retrieve the kit.

Coming back into the kitchen you catch Toby lowering your plates for Connor to lick clean. You don't see a problem with it but you will wash everything twice since the pup has slobbered on nearly everything anyway. When you don't say anything he lets Connor continue before placing the dishes in your sink.

“Such a big help” you say patting Connor's head as you pass him, “Yea I really am” Toby says as he sits back down. Propping his arm up on the table to rest his head on his knuckles, it was such a fluid and casual motion. As if he's sat at this table everyday of his life, like this was his home and you were his guest. Tied in with how comfy he is man spreading at your kitchen table you'd say he made himself at home just fine.

You smile and scoot your chair next to him first aid kit in between you on the table. Toby looks between you and the kit before leaning in closer for you to work. Grabbing the antiseptic cleaning towels you go to wipe Toby's lip when he flinches away. Probably faking to see your reaction.

“Oh, fuck off you have CIPA.” you laugh grabbing his chin to keep him in place. He rolls his eyes “And you're weird.” The vibrations feel weird against your fingers.

“I know.” you continue cleaning the small bite mark? Well he does have CIPA he wouldn't be able to feel the pain if he was gnawing at his lips. Would he be able to taste the metallic tang of his blood or were taste buds effected by the disorder too? You might need to do another deep dive on this, it just became relevant. Maybe an anxious tic, judging from the larger wound it could be possible. Wearing a mask must help to hide it but not not to stop it getting worse if no one can call you out on it.

“That wasn't an insult...” he says making you look up into his eyes as you dry the wound, “I know.” You smile down at him, knowing this time he can see it on your maskless face.

When you finished cleaning his wounded lips, you drove Toby and Connor back to their home. Which turned out to be the RV at the forgotten entrance of the forest. Toby had been a little wary you knew where he was talking about but seemed to shake it off just as quick when you mentioned hiking a lot and using that entrance because it was the closest to you.

He had put Connor's vest back on and hopped in the back with him. You noticed from the review that Connor's full attention was on you.

“This set up let's him focus on the driver, so he'll tell us if something will impede your driving.” Well that explains Brian's position the first time you four met.

Nodding you sync you phone with the car's bluetooth and pass it to Toby with spotify open.

“Rules of the road, passenger picks music.” you say simply when he questioned it.

He quickly clicked your last playlist. Probably either too lazy to find something or trying to get a better read on you. Music says a lot about a person even if not everyone thinks that way. And unfortunately for you this playlist screams mental illness and a need for therapy. But you have folk punk. So who needs therapy when you can just scream cry these lyrics.

Toby doesn't comment on it, either just totally apathetic or maybe he likes it. He's a bit of an enigma, he's open and honest for the most part but saves his opinions unless directly asked.

Even after making it to the RV without incident Toby tries to distract you for a bit and tempt you out of the car with the possibility of playing with Connor. As fun as the idea sounds and as much as you don't want to be rude, you're very tired and drained. Probably more from “hanging out” with Toby this morning than your actual episode last night. Plus you understand Toby's just trying to be nice and maybe ensure your safety.

“Could I maybe rain-check? I'm actually really tired.” you say with your most polite smile, though he can't see it through the mask  you know he sees the crinkle of your eyes.

“Sure, just get home safe.” you feel that's less about you, but you aren't sure what the hanging subject is. So cryptic.

“Yup,” you chirp, “See you later Tobias!” as you start to back out back onto the road you hear Toby say “ Later YN.”

Driving off you can't keep the smile off of your face. Toby's a nice guy, you hope you get to spend more time with him. And this time the thought isn't centered around also hanging out with Connor. Just about enjoying Toby's company.

Getting home and locking your door you strip your jeans and flannel, leaving you only in your muscle tee, and curl up in your unkempt sheets. You'll do laundry later, right now was time for a little nap.

[be11atrixthestrange]

Waking Up In Vegas Chapter 13

After a night of debauchery, Ron and Hermione wake up in Vegas... married.

Muggle!AU. Romcom!Romione. Slow burning, smutty, angst-fest.

Rated M for reasons.

Ao3 | FFN

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More Chapters

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[Ron]

The moment immediately after Ron admits his feelings, and before he draws up the courage to snog Hermione senseless in public seems to last a lifetime, and it's bursting with questions.

Why does he hesitate? He can't simply tell a girl he's falling in love with her, pause to stare at her lips, panic, and then do nothing.

But that's what Ron does. Maybe she's thinking the same things he is: that they agreed not to kiss, and they weren't expecting to admit such strong feelings, nor were they expecting them to be reciprocated. Although it feels silly not to kiss, doing so would feel like breaking a promise, and they have all night to kiss, so what's the rush? Why risk outing their relationship at the wrong time simply because of the heat of the moment?

Or maybe she's simply wondering why the fuck he isn't kissing her.

However long the moment lasts, it's over when a drunken Seamus staggers up to them and interrupts.

"Ron, Hermione! I've been looking for you," he says, stumbling through the crowd to greet them, oblivious to what he's barging in on. "We're going on the Deathstick. Come on!"

Seamus points to the ride in question — the Deathstick — and next to Ron, Hermione groans in response. In the middle of the venue is a thrill ride that towers up and through the ceiling. Riders pair up into compartments and rotate around a tall pillar, rising through the ceiling until they… well, Ron doesn't actually know. Presumably, they drop, but it all takes place above the roof, out of sight. That's probably part of its appeal.

The pair follows behind Seamus, and Ron can sense the reluctance from Hermione. One glance at her pale face tells him she's not much of a thrill-seeker.

"You good?" he asks.

"I'm not sure about this," she says, eyeing the tower with trepidation.

"You don't fancy an adrenaline rush?"

Hermione laughs. "Oh, I do. It's just that my idea of an adrenaline rush is a glass of wine and a murder mystery."

A glass of wine and a murder mystery sounds fantastic right about now, and Ron can't help but smile at the thought of Hermione curled up on the sofa with a book, her legs on his lap, and a cabernet in her hand.

In the London flat that they share, of course.

"Well, that sounds amazing," says Ron. "We don't have to go." His heart sinks the moment he says it, and he's suddenly aware of how much he wants to go.

"You should go," she says, noticing his reaction. "I'll wait for you."

Ron smiles at her and turns toward the ride. The rest of the wedding party has already partnered up for the two-person compartments — Harry with Ginny, Dean with Seamus, Neville with Luna, and Demelza with Lavender. Ron's all alone.

Ron looks back at Hermione and follows her gaze to a group of girls — possibly another hen party — running into a similar dilemma. Hermione scowls as one of the partner-less girls scans the crowd, looking for someone to ride with. He can hear a faint suggestion from her friend, "Why don't you ask that red-head? He's cute…"

"I'll go with you," Hermione says, smiling back at Ron. "How bad could it be?"

"Are… are you sure?" he asks, unable to stop the smirk that spreads across his face. She's jealous.

"Yes, I'm sure," she says. "I wouldn't want you to ride alone, or worse, with a complete stranger."

"Agreed, I'd prefer to ride with my wife than a girl I just met," says Ron, winking at the girl who's both. They proceed to the ride entrance, and Hermione hesitates before letting Ron pull her along.

"I'm sure the view up top will be worth it," she says, her voice shaking.

Once they reach the front of the line, they pile into the tiny cell and strap themselves into their harnesses. Hermione's fingers intertwine with Ron's as the doors close, and she lets out a small whimper. Ron squeezes her hand.

"It'll be over soon," he assures her, even though he's not sure he wants it to be. It's probably only a five to ten minute ride, and the small compartment has a lot of privacy.

As if on its own accord, his thumb starts caressing the top of her hand.

They start their slow ascent to the top, passing through The Slug Club's ceiling into the night sky. Hermione squeezes Ron's hand more firmly, and Ron can feel her rising pulse through her fingers.

"How are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm okay," she says, her voice trembling.

Las Vegas shrinks as they ascend into the night sky, until they're floating above a sea of sparkling lights. The neon signs, vehicle headlights, and illuminated windows pepper the desert floor, now looking like tiny, electric legos that Ron could pick up and hold between two fingers. From up high, the city looks like the perfect set of pieces to rearrange and create something new from scratch. It reminds him of his childhood daydreams when he would build castles and fortresses with blocks and imagine he could fit inside and live there. He'd write himself into stories about knights, talking statues, princes, and princesses, and play out the unlimited possible futures and happy endings.

The weight of Hermione's hand pulls him out of his reverie, but only partially. There's something magical about the moment, hovering above the world, with the commotion of the city reduced to candlelight, that keeps him tied to the innocent optimism of his younger self. As a child, Ron lived his life guided by a heart that had never been broken, and he would have had no issues falling in love with a princess before learning her middle name. Maybe there's wisdom in that forgotten mindset because right now, the idea of building something beautiful from nothing and writing his own happy ending feels more relevant than ever.

"Check out that view," says Ron, breaking the almost silence.

They rotate on the axis, and Hermione's eyes tear up as she admires the electric grid below. Ron continues to rub circles onto her hand, matching the calming pace of his breath. Hopefully, she feels a moment of peace too.

Away from the ambiguous city noise at ground-level, it feels like he's been submerged in silence at first, but as his ears adjust, the subtle sounds of their breath fill the space. It's a sound he hasn't heard in a while, and upon a closer listen, he starts to make sense of it — it's like its own language, nuanced but informative. His calm, rhythmic breath matches the peace of the moment, and as they slow to a stop at the ride's highest point, Hermione's choppier, erratic breathing reminds him that at any second, they'll drop into freefall.

"It's beautiful," she says, squeezing his hand back and admiring the view.

"So beautiful."

Hermione must sense by the closeness of his voice that he's looking at her, not the view, and she turns toward him with a smile on her face. They lock eyes, and the heat in her gaze suggests that if she weren't strapped down by a harness, she'd be snogging him senseless by now.

Then they drop into freefall.

The quiet of their carriage turns to screams of adrenaline as they plummet toward the ground, only to rise and drop again; how many times, Ron doesn't know, but he grips her hand as the only still, unmoving anchor to reality as the world blurs around them.

Eventually, their screams turn to laughter, and Ron's relieved to see Hermione smiling wide, her eyes sparkling. Her face is red, her hair is frizzing out every which way, and Ron has never seen anything so gorgeous.

"That was amazing!" he says once he catches his breath, and his heart rate returns to normal. "How do you feel, Hermione?"

"I don't know yet. Give me a second," she says, but her smile suggests she's just fine. "A little dizzy."

"Well, let's get you to a bench."

As they exit the ride and head over to a bench to rest, the rest of the wedding party pours out of their compartments, unsteady on their feet, and Ron has to stop himself from looping an arm around Hermione. Instead, he reaches for her arm under the guise of supporting her balance.

"I'm so proud of you!" he exclaims when she plops to a seat.

"What? Why?" she groans, leaning back on the bench and closing her eyes. She deepens her breath as if staving off nausea.

"Because you just did something that terrifies you, and it took a fuckload of courage."

Hermione laughs. "You did it too."

"Nah. Stuff like that doesn't scare me," he says as he sits next to her and waves off her questioning glance. "You're amazing, Hermione. Really."

Her eyes crack open for a moment, and she smiles at him. Ron's extra aware of the distance between them and how easy it would be to close it. He could just pull her into his lap for a quick snog. Who's really watching?

He doesn't have the chance to act on the temptation before Harry's panicked voice diverts his attention.

"Ginny! Are you okay, love?"

Harry sprints past their bench faster than a lightning bolt to where a sick Ginny is leaning over a rubbish bin.

Without a second thought, Harry rolls up his sleeves to hold her hair back. He doesn't bat an eye when she's sick yet again, and when she finishes, Harry pulls her into a hug and kisses her forehead, paying no attention to the risk of contaminating his shirt.

"I want that," mutters Hermione, staring wistfully at Harry and Ginny.

"Want what?" asks a confused Ron.

"Aren't they cute?"

Ron scoffs. "No, they're not. Look at them. They've never looked worse," he says, laughing.

"Well, that's exactly what I mean!" says Hermione, turning toward him now.

"Explain yourself."

"You and I think they look… awful right now," she says, gesturing toward Harry and Ginny, who are still embracing. "But even though they're stumbling drunk and covered in sick, they still think the other is the most attractive person in the world. I think it's sweet."

Ron watches his sister and future brother-in-law. Harry mutters something in Ginny's ear that makes her smile. The look in his eyes is one that Ron never wants to see directed at his sister, but Hermione has a point.

"I want to know what that's like," she says.

Ron looks over at Hermione, and he can't help but smirk.

"What?" she asks, her eyes narrowing.

"You do know what that's like, Hermione."

For good measure, he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. She catches his hand and leans her cheek against his palm. Her cheeks flush pink, and in a bold moment, she turns her head and presses a kiss to his hand.

He almost gets lost in the moment before he remembers that the reasons he can't kiss her are the same reasons he can't stay here and cradle her face. She seems to have the same realization and lifts her head, letting his hand drop back to his side.

She smiles at him, and there's a glint of something in her eye — mischief, maybe.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks, fully knowing his tone comes off as suggestive. He doesn't care.

"That I owe you a drink."

Ron raises his eyebrows. "But didn't we agree to stay sober tonight?"

She raises hers back. "Just one drink?"

Ron smiles. The way he sees it, his best life decisions have been made while drunk with Hermione Granger.

"Just one drink," he confirms.

Hermione grins, and by the look she gives him, he knows that she doesn't mean just one. It's okay, though, because he doesn't either.

When they reach the bar, Ron's disappointed to discover that they aren't the only ones in the wedding party with the idea. It appears that the adrenaline rush of the Deathstick has made everyone thirstier, so their friends scatter in pairs around the taproom. With everyone's attention a quick shout away, Ron's hopes of stealing a kiss from his wife diminish.

"Hello again, Mr. Weasley. Miss Granger. Can I get you a drink?" asks Rosmerta, approaching them with a smile.

"Sure," says Ron. "Madam Rosmerta, what is the most popular cocktail at this bar?"

"Madam! I like that!" smiles Rosmerta. "Our most popular drink would probably be Felix."

"Never heard of it!" says Ron.

Rosmerta leans across the bar as if preparing to tell him a big secret. Hermione and Ron lean in to listen.

"Years ago, a customer came in and handed over directions to concoct a very specific drink. He called it 'liquid luck'," she says, winking. "At first, we laughed at him; thought he was taking it way too seriously. He was a very superstitious type. The joke was on us, though. He hit up the casino and left five million dollars richer. We ended up naming the drink after him."

"Bloody hell. We'll take two of those!" he says, sending a questioning glance toward Hermione, who nods.

"Don't get too excited," says Rosmerta as she fixes up two shimmery golden cocktails. "No one's ever been able to mimic that level of luck, though many have tried." She slides the drinks across the bar to Ron and Hermione and shrugs. "It tastes good, though."

Ron reaches into his pockets to fish out some cash for Rosmerta. She deserves a big tip for putting up with a rowdy crowd like this one, and who knows what rude customers she's had to deal with today.

"Thanks, Rosmerta! Can you hold the straws on those, please?" he asks, just as Rosmerta is reaching under the bar to grab two plastic straws to plop into their drinks.

"You sure?" she asks, hesitating before the open cabinet.

"Yeah," says Ron. "Save the sea turtles, right?"

"As you wish!" says Rosmerta.

Ron turns back toward Hermione and opens his mouth to speak, but pauses when he catches her eye. There's a fiery passion in her gaze, and it's something that Ron has never before seen in a woman's eyes, at least not directed at him.

Her look is like a spotlight, yet he doesn't mind the attention. It feels like he's on a stage, and no matter what he says or does, it will earn him a standing ovation. He can't help but wonder if Hermione's ever looked at a man like that before, but before his insecurities can take root, she springs forward and crashes her lips against his.

It takes some time for Ron to process what's happening before he responds. He's not entirely sure how much, as time might as well stop turning. When he gets his bearings, his fingers snake into her hair, and he holds her head in place, although he doesn't need to as she makes no effort to break away from him. She kisses him with a passion that Ron would expect behind closed doors only; the way her tongue slides between his lips is slow and sensual, yet eager and full of lust, and the sound she makes when he gently tugs at her hair sends Ron's mind spiraling into dangerous fantasy territory.

With great reluctance, they pull away, panting to catch their breath. Ron doesn't even think to look around and check if anyone saw them. As far as he's concerned, they're the only two people in The Slug Club.

"I know we were trying to keep this quiet, but—" she says, but Ron cuts her off by pulling her lips back to his.

The second time is even hungrier. Ron can feel Hermione's teeth bite his bottom lip, teasing him, as her hands slip around his shoulders. She lets out a soft moan as her fingers trace the muscles of his arms, and any negative thoughts he's ever had about his body — too lanky, too scrawny, not athletic enough — float to the background and become irrelevant. The increasing pressure in his shorts suggests he's close to getting carried away, and although he wouldn't mind, he doesn't want Hermione to get a slap on the wrist for public indecency, so he forces himself to pause.

When they surface for the second time, Ron notices that she's ditched her bar stool and is standing before him, leaning her weight against his leg, dangerously close to his growing erection. His arms have managed to wrap around her hips, and his hands are shamelessly resting on her bum, but again, he pays no mind to the crowd. There's only one person that matters.

"I haven't even had a sip of Felix yet, and I already feel like the luckiest man in here," he says. "What inspired this?"

"It was everything. I swear every time you look at me, and every little thing you say, it gets more difficult to keep my hands off of you."

Ron pulls her against him, tilts his head up, and presses a light, chaste kiss to her lips. He loves that she's short enough to reach his lips when he's sitting down, and her face is just as beautiful from this new angle. He wants to see it from every vantage point possible.

"What was the tipping point?" he asks, his tone playful.

"The straws," she says. "And the 'save the sea turtles' bit."

Ron beams. Straws. Of course.

"What did sea turtles do to make you love them so much?" he laughs, tightening his embrace. "And can they give me some tips?"

Hermione smiles down at him and toys with the hair on the back of his neck. "You don't need any tips," she says, inching her lips closer. "You'll be just fine."

She closes the space between them, and once again, he immerses himself in kissing her. As if they're back on the Deathstick, the ambient noise of the surrounding crowd fades away, and he finds no difficulty tuning into the sound of her breath and the taste of her lips.

Nothing can distract him from this moment. The wolf-whistles around them fade away, and Ron has all but forgotten about the two sparkling gold, untapped glasses of Liquid Luck on the bartop. He could kiss her forever, taking mental notes on every response, every reaction, eager to discover this growing language between them, and the endless stories it can tell.