#and if Lena's the only one to perceive Her

[chronal-anomaly]

Stares at my hands

[natalievoncatte]

“We don’t have a friendship, Supergirl.”

It took a moment for it to sink in. Lena stood before her, chin proud, staring her down with enough force to that Kara knew she wasn’t the most powerful woman in the world, no matter what they said. She wasn’t even the most powerful woman in this room.

Kara could push press an attack submarine. She could move between the ticks of a clock, perceive things so small and so fast they could barely be said to have happened at all. She’d bested foes that had humbled the Man of Steel. She’s outclassed even him.

Yet in this moment, she was all but powerless. There was nothing she could do with all her strength. All of this had been about weapons. Kryptonite. Lena needed neither to destroy Kara. She needed only cutting words.

“U-understood,” Kara mumbled.

She felt her shoulders draw in and sag, felt herself shrinking back into her own skin. Supergirl was banished instantly, and suddenly a defeated, frail Kara Danvers stood in her place, feeling silly in her cape and skirt. Her boots pinched her feet and everything was too tight. She could barely breathe.

“Ishouldgo,” she gasped out, fleeing, running, getting the hell away from here. She took the fastest available route until she was airborne, slipping the burly bonds of Earth.

The rush of pressure and the concussive wave built up around her skin and cut loose, releasing a rolling boom over National City. By the time Kara slowed and came to a hover, she was over the Pacific Ocean, calm blue seas stretching out in an endless expanse.

She relaxed, hanging impossibly above the clouds, absorbing pure sunlight.

Bitterly, she remembered when she’d tried to abandon Kara Danvers, not long ago. It had seemed that a life outside of Supergirl, outside of endless battles and self-sacrificing service, was pointless, and hurtful. Fitting in brought pain, forced her into a world that was all angles and wrong turns, lying to everyone around her and forbidden the simple concepts they all had. She was a stranger in a strange land, always seeking acceptance and understanding of peculiar customs, dogged by an incessant need.

It was one she barely admitted, but it was there, always there, just over her shoulder and ready to lead the assault when the walks came closing in.

Why her?

Out of all her people, her entire race, why was she the lone survivor? And she was, because while Kal was Kryptonian by birth, he had escaped Krypton. Kara had survived it.

Survival offered no escape.

For him, his birthright was a joy. Incredible powers, a sacred calling, a love of adventure and excitement. Kara could only imagine how wonderful it must have been for him when he discovered it all.

Oh, he mourned, or tried to. Kara bitterly indulged his laments for his lost world; a world he’d never walked, customs he’d never shared. His parents were a blessing to him, but to her they were her aunt an uncle, real people that Kara had lost.

Being Kara Danvers was difficult and painful. Being Supergirl was difficult and painful- now with the world killers, it seemed to Kara that Earth might have been better off had Krypton never noticed this yellow star or the beautiful blue world that orbited it.

Maybe Krypton was meant to end, and maybe Kara…

Maybe Kara…

Tears stung her eyes and she blinked them away. She’d ruined everything. Lena Luthor was kind, and good, and had spent weeks risking her life trying to help a friend, and what had Kara done? Made it about her. She’d wrapped everything around herself. She’s torn Lena’s relationship apart because she just could not believe that her best and most trusted friend wouldn’t hurt her.

It made sense when she was doing it. Was she not doomed? Had she not watched her world die? Kara had been a little girl one day and the next she was trapped in hell, her mother’s touch still felt on a tear-scored cheek.

Kara screamed. Red-sun fury exploded from her eyes, burning the sky itself. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fucking fair!

When the scream faded from her throat, leaving it ragged and dry, her eyes aching from the wild energy blast, she was still hanging in the air.

A terrible inevitability settled within her chest. She knew what she had to do, but she didn’t know if she had the strength. She could overcome any foe, break any barrier, reach any height. She was Supergirl. She could do anything.

“I have to take responsibility for what I’ve done,” Kara told the sky.

The sky didn’t answer her. She closes her eyes and absorbed Sol’s warmth. Sometimes, Kara really wished these stars were gods, that the golden light that gave her limitless power could give her answers, that Sol could be a nurturing mother, taking in a wanderer so far from Rao’s grace.

It wasn’t. It was a superheated ball of hydrogen undergoing nuclear fusion. There were no answers in the sky. There were none anywhere. She’s have to find them on her own.

Kara first went back to her apartment, resolving to do this right. She changed into one of her favorite outfits (Lena had once made a curious compliment about Kara’s biceps, the last time she’d worn it) and texted her best friend, asking to meet soon.

Lena, predictably, replied that she was busy.

Kara thought of Lena, not as Supergirl, but as herself. Lena toiling in that lab in desperation, not feeding herself

She was tempted to say that Supergirl told her about the lab and the situation and beg to be allowed to help, but there had to be a better way. An honest way.

I know you’re busy. I just want to make sure you get something to eat and you’re okay. Just a few minutes.

The reply came a moment later.

Oh, alright. You know I can’t say no to you.

Kara’s heart leapt and crumped at the same time. She let out a slow breath and decided to grab something on the way, something she could leave if Lena threw her out.

When she arrived, Lena had moved to her office. She was sitting behind her desk, and as much as she’d look remarkable out together earlier, she was showing her fatigue now. There were bags under her eyes and she’d changed into a loose sweatshirt, and Kara thought she might fall asleep on her desk.

When she looked at Kara, her face lit up with such admiration and affection that Kara’s heart could have burst in her chest. In the fading afternoon light, most like that of her lost star, Lena seemed impossibly beautiful and perfect, the sharp-tongued being of cold fury replaced by someone small and soft that Kara simply had to cup in her hands and protect and…

Oh.

Oh Rao.

FUCK.

Kara almost dropped the bag of donuts. She couldn’t do this. Not now. Not today. She couldn’t do this she couldn’t, she couldn’t lose… couldn’t lose…

Lena.

It was like seeing her for the first time. Kara sucked in a drawing breath and had to let it out very slowly, as a new and perilous understanding took root and changed everything.

“Do I look that bad?” Lena said, but there was no heat in it.

“You look beautiful,” Kara answered in a breathy voice, before she could stop herself.

Lena smirked. “You’re too nice. Are those donuts?”

Kara gently placed them on the desk, and she looked. Stared.

One of the gifts, and curses, of Kryptonian physiology was an eidetic memory. This moment would live in her mind and heart until the day she died, so she dragged it out for as long as she could, to keep it. To keep the sight of this woman who truly treasured Kara. Just Kara.

“Kara?” Lena said, confused and maybe a little scared.

“I have to tell you something,” said Kara.

“What is it?” said Lena, always so eager to help.

Kara’s hands balled into fists, arms trembling. The tears broke before she worked up the will to say it.

“Earlier today, you asked me why it’s so important to me that we be friends.”

Lena stared blankly for a too-short moment, and then her eyes went wide. She rocked back in her chair as if struck, then bolted out of it, rounding the desk. Kara stood still, unable to face her, and watched it all reflected in the desk.

“Look at me.”

Kara didn’t move.

“Look at me!”

Kara looked. With shaking hands, Lena grasped the frames of her glasses and pulled them free, setting them aside. Kara then flinched as Lena reached behind her, the gesture so much like an embrace, so curiously intimate that Kara’s own body betrayed her, her heart hammering in her chest.

Lena released Kara’s hair and it spilled in curls around her shoulders.

“Oh my God,” Lena whispered.

“I’m sorry,” Kara whimpered, the tears hot on her cheeks. “Lena, please, I’m sorry.”

“It was all a lie. You were lying to me the whole time.”

No, she wanted to scream, I never lied, I didn’t, you had no right to know, I was protecting you. A hundred futile excuses crashes through her mind and when they were gone only the truth remained.

“I was scared,” Kara choked out. “I was so scared and then I messed it up and I was even more scared and I just kept trying to fix it. I’m sorry.”

Lena was crying, too. The tears fell freely, though her expression remained still, calculating.

“I would do anything for you. I would die for you. I don’t know why I did what I did…”

“You pretended to be another fucking person and talked my boyfriend into spying on me while pretending to be my friend.”

“I wasn’t pretending,” Kara pleased. “I am your friend. You mean so much to me, more than I’ve ever told you and I was scared.”

“Of what?” said Lena. “That I’d make Kryptonite and kill you with it? Make weapons to kill you? I thought you really believed in me, Kara. I listened to your bullshit and I believed it and you were just fucking… you were… you bitch!”

Kara stood, transfixed, as Lena came apart in front of her.

“Why did you have to do this? Why did you have to tell me now? Why did you take my Kara away from me when I needed her most?”

Kara sucked in a shuddering breath and hugged herself.

“Because I deserve this. You deserve the truth and I deserve the consequences for what I’ve done. I did hurt you just like you said, and I thought I could just smooth it over and charm my way into fixing it, but I can’t. I’m a fuckup. I make things worse just by existing.”

Lena shuddered and formed her hands into fists. “Don’t you say that. Don’t you say that to me ever again.”

“This is my fault. I made this happen. I should have told you after you saved the world. The first time, with Medusa. If I trusted you, you could have come to me and we could have saved Sam together. You trusted me and I hurt you.”

“Are you going to ask for forgiveness? Is that where this is going?”

“No. I don’t deserve it.”

“Then what do you want?”

“Let me help you with Sam, and then I’ll leave you alone. I know I can’t come back from this. I can’t fix it. I don’t know what else to do.”

“Leave me alone?” Lena snapped, jabbing a finger into Kara’s chest. “What the fuck? You think you can just crash into my life like this and then just leave?”

“I… I…”

“How about this,” said Lena, stepping closer, her green eyes full of fury. “How about you ask me what I want instead of telling me?”

Kara swallowed.

“What do you want?”

Lena stepped back.

“I want to save my friend. I want Ruby to have her mom back. I want to fix the world. I need your help to do that, whether I want it or not.”

“And then?”

“And then…” said Lena. “Then I want to know why. I want to know why you did this to me and what the hell you really want, and then I’ll decide if there’s anything worth saving with you, or if I’m going to go back to Metropolis and rebuild my life.”

“That… that’s… I’ll help.”

“What do you want?”

Kara swallowed.

“I… I ummm…” Kara reached for glasses that were no longer there. “I want to try again. I want to be your friend again, as my whole self. There’s so much I could share with you.”

Lena swiped the tears away from her eyes, and stilled herself, regaining her control.

“I’ll be in the lab. I’ll call for you when I need you.”

Lena heard for the door, stopping at the threshold.

“Kara,” said Lena, without turning.

“Yeah?” Kara said, thickly.

“The night Edge was trying to set me up… the plane. Would you really have dropped the chemicals if I couldn’t make the jump?”

Kara took her glasses from the desks, turning them in her hands, and drew in a breath.

“Yes,” said Kara. “I’d have found a way to fix somehow, but if it was the only way, yes. I’d have let them fall, but I’d never let you fall. I said I’d always protect you, and that was the truth. I always will. No matter what.”

Lena hesitated at the door, then left without a word.

[autisticlenaluthor]

Music

'When all you wanted was to be wanted, wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now'

-

Kara arrives fifteen minutes early. 

She gets dropped off in front of the school by Eliza, and promises her she’ll be okay on her own. Once she’s alone, she crosses the quad by herself.

Earbud strings dangle across Kara’s body as she walks, head down, focused on the leaves and how they crunch beneath her boots. Taylor Swift’s Fearless echos through the tiny speakers and Kara can’t help but drum her fingers against her thigh to the beat.

The air is salty and damp with the smell of fallen leaves. It feels almost like she’s stepped into a painting, with the castle-like brick building in the foreground. It’s surrounded by trimmed hedges and trees with orange branches. Alex has always said private school kids are a different breed. But god, is their world fascinating. 

She finds the meeting spot with relative ease. It’s a round concrete picnic table just off the main path, near the massive lion statue Lena described in her email. Kara sits and plops her backpack beside her, quieting the music on her iPod so she can focus as she takes out her pens and spiral notebook. 

It’s supposed to be a simple project.

Sophomores from Metropolis Tech work with sophomores from the all-girls private school, Spence to clean up parks in the city. The whole thing is worth five extra credit points on her Earth Science final. Five extra credit points Kara desperately needs- because what kind of cruel joke is it to put an alien in Earth Science when they’ve only been on the planet for a year? 

She gets her stuff organized and looks up, freezing when she sees the girl she’s been paired up with standing across the table. For someone with super hearing– spatial awareness does not seem to be a skill Kara possesses. 

“You’re– are you Lena?” She stammers. 

The girl nods. She has raven hair and pale skin like the vampires in the movies Alex forces her to watch. For a second, Kara selfishly wonders if she might be an alien too. She just looks so unlike the other people Kara knows. But Eliza says it’s rude to make assumptions, so Kara quickly tries to suppress those thoughts. Lena would likely perceive being asked about her home planet as a targeted insult. 

“I’m Kara, it’s nice to meet you,” Kara says after a moment. “I like your outfit– you look so professional!”

Lenas brow furrows as she looks down at herself. She’s wearing a grey sweater vest with a blue crest over a white button-down and blue plaid skirt. 

“It’s a uniform,” she says. “We all wear this.” 

“Oh.” 

Kara scans the campus- for the first time noticing all the girls in identical get-ups, all paired with knee-socks and Mary Jane shoes. A few of them wear dresses instead of skirts, one or two with school-branded sweatpants beneath them. Where had they all been five minutes ago, before she’d made a complete fool of herself? 

“So… I was thinking we could go to Glacier Park,” Lena says, breaking the silence. “Most girls go to Central because it’s bigger. But Central is a tourist trap– Glacier Park hardly gets the same environmental attention.” 

She’s quiet, keeping her eyes fixated on her hands as she speaks. But even so, she seems so sure of herself. 

Maybe it’s a private school thing, Kara thinks. The students here are so smart, they don’t need to follow the social rules everyone else seems to abide by. 

“Unless you were thinking something different?” 

“Uh… I guess I hadn’t really thought about it,” Kara admits with a nervous laugh. “My classes and everything have been kinda crazy.” 

Lena nods but doesn’t respond. Kara can’t tell if she’s judging her or if she just doesn’t have anything to say. 

“You know… midterms week. Can you believe they do this every year?” 

She isn’t sure why she keeps talking. In the emails they’ve sent, Lena only ever mentions the project. She doesn’t seem to be the chatty type– the type to care that Kara’s had four exams this week alone and that that’s why she can’t bring herself to be as invested in this whole thing as she should be.

It’s just that Lena is right there and maybe the reason she reminds Kara of aliens is that she may just be the prettiest girl she’s ever met– on Krypton or on Earth. And sure she isn’t talkative but that doesn’t mean Kara can help it either. 

“Yeah,” Lena says, expression blank. 

For a second, Kara freezes. She isn’t sure what she’s supposed to do with that. 

“We um, we should start on the report too,” Lena restarts, as if nothing happened at all. “I brought some articles on pollution levels in the city. I thought it might be easier to get the reading portion out of the way today, so we can focus on the actual cleanup later.”  

“Oh… okay, yeah, that sounds good.” 

\\\\\

They go with Lena’s suggestion and meet at the entrance of Glacier Park.  

Kara gives it her best attempt to look nice for her. Alex says it’s silly– they’re going to be cleaning up garbage all day, so why does she need to look good? But Kara can’t help it.

Lena is clean and elegant and weirdly perfect. And for whatever reason, she seems to know so much more than Kara does. There’s a gap between them and even though they’re strangers, even though they don’t have to be friends (Kara isn’t even sure if she wants to be friends) Kara hates it. She hates how isolating it feels. 

So she does her hair in two braids, and puts on her favorite jeans with the black long-sleeved v-neck that reminds her of Rory Gilmore. It isn’t much but it feels good– feels like she’ll surpass whatever expectation Lena has of her. 

When Kara finds the entrance, Lena is already there waiting for her. She’s standing under the big iron archway, carrying her backpack and the trash grabbers she’s borrowed from the school. 

Kara smiles and waves over at her. 

“Hey!” 

Lena gives a slight smile in return and nods in acknowledgment. 

“You look nice,” she says. She hands a trash pick to Kara who mentally pumps her fist and kicks a leg with excitement. 

“Thank you.” Kara smiles. “So do you.” 

Everything after that feels easy.

They pick up trash in relative silence. Lena stays in the grassy section while Kara cleans the pathway. It’s quiet and simple until it isn’t. 

“Lena Luthor?”

Lena lifts her head and Kara drops the trash bag she’s been holding. Standing a few feet away are two girls around their age. One wears a Spence School Phys ED t-shirt. Lena must know them, Kara figures. 

“How nice of you to help your brother with his community service,” says the one not wearing the Spence shirt. She has a high ponytail and blue Converse sneakers. She reminds Kara of the girls in Bring it On.

“But I don’t think it’s gonna make a real difference, didn’t he get like… what, twenty-five years?” she adds. Her friend– Spence shirt, laughs. 

A crinkle forms between Kara’s eyes and she waits for Lena to react. She’s seen fights like this go down at her own school– groups of bullies ganging up on lower-classmen in the girl’s bathroom or staircase. They always seem to have the upper hand until they push too far. 

But Lena doesn’t do anything. Her face doesn’t change. She just looks straight past them, the same way she does when she speaks to Kara, and says nothing. 

“Hey, be careful with her,” Spence shirt jokes. “She might snap like he did.”

Lena looks down. Her face is red. She grips her trash pick so tight her palms grow sweaty and knuckles turn white, but still, she’s silent. 

So Kara says something. 

She can’t help it– she knows she shouldn’t. But the words slip out, and before she knows it, she’s asking-

“What are you talking about?”

Converse sneakers looks at her like she’s crazy. 

“Lex Luthor,” she says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Ya know– that psycho who’s obsessed with Superman and killed all those people?” 

Kara nods.

“That’s her brother.” 

Kara swallows. 

It feels like being punched in the gut– knocks the wind right out of her. 

And suddenly, she’s back in the living room, watching the TV with the volume off at three in the morning because she couldn’t miss the live reports on her cousin’s condition. Because she needed to know if he was dead or alive. Because she couldn’t cope with losing one more person, and if he died, that meant she had to go to. 

She’s in her closet the night after the attack after hearing a crash in the backyard. It’s raining out. Pouring, thunderous flurries. Eliza said the noise was just branches hitting the window in the storm. But Kara couldn’t believe her. She couldn’t get his face out of her head, trailing the worry that now, he was after her too. 

By the time she finds herself back in reality, the girls are gone and Lena is still looking at her shoes. 

“You can go home,” she says through a forced, wavering smile. “I’ll finish cleaning and write the report. You’ll still get the extra credit.”

This time, it’s Kara’s turn to go quiet. 

This stranger, this girl who she found so pretty and alluring, who she dressed up for, who she emailed with for weeks, is the sister of the very person who wants all of her kind dead. Maybe they don’t have a friendship, but to be acquaintances is still too much. To know her at all is to feel every ounce of hurt and damage her family has inflicted. 

Kara isn’t aware of how tight her jaw has been clenched until she starts to taste blood spouting from the sides of her cheeks. 

She isn't going to put up with this. She isn't going to be around her.

So she does as Lena says-- drops her trash bag, and walks away.

[cloud-navi]

So I finished DuckTales (2017), my thoughts:

⚠️ Spoilers ahead ⚠️

- Bradford Buzzard:

His feelings for hating adventure and chaos is valid but he should have told his grandma to fuck off and got therapy instead of trying to destroy it. Also its not his fault that Della took the Spear of Selene even if he told her about it.

You can’t have one thing without the other, there must be chaos if there is stability and vice versa.

- Webbigail Vanderquack and Bentina Beakly (Agent 22):

It was a good twist, but it makes me question where FOWL got Scrooge’s DNA to make Webby and why her exact clones (sisters) aren’t perceived as Scrooges kid like Webby is.

My theory: “The Papyrus of Binding only appears to a direct heir of Scrooge McDuck” I think it mean’s physically and emotionally. If June and May are Webby’s clones that means they are just as much Scrooge’s physical child as Webby is, except they don’t have a relationship with Scrooge. Scrooge even before knowing Webby was his kid thought of her like his Grandniece, like family, making her an heir like the boys.

For how much Beakly talked about how important and strong a family is together when getting the boys to talk to Scrooge again in Season 1, it doesn’t make much sense to have her go in alone without informing the family of what she knows of FOWL from SHUSH.

Goldie O’Gilt:

I love her so much, except in the ImpossiBin episode, there she was okay. At the end of the ImpossiBin episode Goldie calls Scooge assuming he took the fountain of youth when they agreed to keep it for both of them, (she went back to steal it for herself so she says). They made progress in the Youth Fountain episode and having Goldie call him about it being gone kinda defeats the whole purpose of their bonding in that episode. Except I understand they needed a character to tell him it was gone like the other missing mysteries but I find it defeated the whole point.

Lena and Violet Saberwing:

To me it looked like Violet’s parents adopted Lena and I’m all for that. Also love the hinted gay rep with their dads.

Magica De spell:

While it was Scrooge that blocked her spell, it was still her spell that she shot that turned her brother into a raven. Theres no reason or obligation for Scrooge to have caught him and give him to her when they were both terrible people. If anything her brother got a new chance at life as a raven instead.

I wish there was kinda a redemption arc when she was training Lena, if not for Lena a little redemption for Gladstone because I like those two.

Fenton Crackshell (GizmoDuck) and DarkWing Duck:

I like Drake with Fenton regardless if he’s Drake or playing DarkWing but I feel like he needs to accept that GizmoDuck is also a hero. Bro needs to know the difference between hero and vigilante.

Fenton is pretty bbg too <3

Launchpad McQuack:

Giant himbo and I love him so much.

Daisy Duck:

Love her, not much else to say. She had standards, that was clear when we heard what she said while driving away from their second date except she still fell in love and was willing to put up with Donald enough to go rescue him and keep going out. Overall a girl boss <3

Huey, Dewey and Louie:

While Dewey should have come forward earlier about looking for Della I understand his intentions more then Huey did when he found out. Louie was right, its not okay, but in the beginning Dewey was just trying to find if she was alive or not, not where she was. He was sorry because he ‘got caught’, he was genuinely sorry. It’s difficult to want to tell someone you’re finding all this stuff about someone you all seek when none of you know if they’re even alive or not. Dewey didn’t want them to lose hope that Della may be alive even if he found out she might not have. Yes he should have told them but I understand he didn’t want to them to be more hurt that she’s unalive instead of just missing. Also they aren’t even teenagers and communication skills are ass with teenagers what makes you think they’ll be any better as 10 year olds?

Again, their anger is misplaced when they’re mad at Scrooge for building a Spear of Selene.

Scrooge McDuck (sugar daddy?):

I like his character and I feel theres a bit of development through out the show with him and the kids, to be a teacher you need to be able to learn from your students.

While yes, he shouldn’t have built the rocket right there he also didn’t tell Della about it. Not his fault she left. Also the audacity to find out it wasn’t really his fault or the fact he nearly went bankrupt looking for her and they didn’t apologize at all.

Donald Duck (DILF):

Literally the best man in the whole show. He put his family first the whole time even when he should have taken breaks except he stepped up. We know that he had some form of falling out with Scrooge because of Della but even so he stepped up to take the kids and stayed in DuckBurg instead of moving anytime in the 10+ years they lived there. I have a feeling they stayed because he knew deep down that he could somewhat still count on Scrooge if not Beakly. Why else would he have stayed and gone to Beakly to watch the kids, granted he didn’t want to talk to Scrooge, Scrooge still took them in and watched them while Donald was off getting a job.

Donald may not be their bio-dad, but he is no way a fucking Uncle. He raised those boys by himself for 10+ years, through their formative years and until they were old enough to know he wasn’t their bio-dad. He stepped in to be a parent because Della chickened out and chose to go to space even when he told her she shouldn’t so she can be with her kids.

Donald Duck, not an uncle, a father.

Della Duck (cool-ish weird Aunt):

My opinion has not changed, she still isn’t a mother to me. Della is an estranged aunt that comes by and is the ‘cool aunt’. She willingly, without obligation, without threat, consciously CHOSE to leave her kids. Regardless of if she knew she would get killed or stuck in space, “there were too many variables” -Huey. She had a fight with Donald that specifically told her that it was a giant, dumb fucking idea with kids on the way. The idea that anyone would accept her back as a parent so blindly is so dumb. Yes she’s their egg-layer, but there is no way in hell she is their mother. A MOTHER would never choose to leave their children unless they positively fucking had too (obligation for safety). Whether or not she regrets it holds no power because she still chose to leave for a stupid reason.

Season 1 finale: “Get away from my kids” by Donald Duck will forever hold more power and significance then anytime she ever says it because she gave up parent rights before they were born. No parent would willingly, without valid cause like their safety (not fucking exploring space for funzys) would leave their child.

Over all:

Scrooge and Donald are DILFS and Della can get bent.

[vxmpswxn]

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    ⠀ ⠀    ⠀  ‹⠀𓄿:⠀𝒾n the 𝓈hadows of dance and death, 𝓁aena morberg weaves her tale, a faint reflection of tragedies that dance 𝒾n the twilight, where art and agony converge 𝒾n an ethereal 𝒷allet of grace and darkness.

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⠀ ⠀IMPORTANT. hi, german is not my first ⠀ ⠀language but I try; low activity, 21+ only ⠀ ⠀selective ♡. wire: vxmpswxn. ⠀ ⠀_________________________________　❞ ⠀ ⠀keep reading for info in english.

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ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ─── 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐀.

Complete name: Laena Indra Kennedy (née Morberg).

Short names: Lena, Miss Morberg, little bird (just for Rajko), kitty (just for Cailan) & Ms. Kennedy.

Species: Human.

Age: 22 years.

Born: June 16.

Nationality: Swedish.

Parents: Diederik Morberg & Sasha Dupond ( † ).

Relationship: Married to @american-satan

Eyes: Gray blue.

Hair: Long, straight and black.

Physical characeristic: Has a scar on each wrist from a suicide attempt at age fourteen.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ─── 𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐓.

ᅠ◗ᅠCurrent occupation: Ballet dancer and student of fine arts. Works part-time restoring tombstones in a cemetery.

ᅠ◗ᅠInterests: History (specially the norse & slavic culture), ballet, art in general (paint, writting, dance, orchestras, etc.), witchcraft & rituals, alcohol (specially wine), criminal documentations and old books.

ᅠ◗ᅠLikes: Sundays. Smell of coffee in the morning. Evenings. Children. Piano. Painting. Noise of the city. Fire. Sweet wine. Anatomy books. Dancing. Order. Candles. Sweet things. Caresses in the hair. Cemeteries. Her boyfriend.

ᅠ◗ᅠDislikes: Illuminated places. Mornings. Sleep. Gaudy colors. Storms. People who are too cheerful. Funerals. Dirt. Physical contact without her permission. Lies. Loud noises. Shadows. Cold food. High temperatures. Her birthday.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ─── 𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐀.

ᅠ›ᅠLaena keeps a secret diary where she pens down her most intimate thoughts and reflections. She often carries it with her while working on gravestone restoration in the cemetery.

ᅠ›ᅠHer mother died when she was born and, since then, has always felt guilty about it. As grows, the physical likeness becomes more pronounced, causing discomfort and further distancing from her father.

ᅠ›ᅠIn her adolescence, Laena silently suffered at the hands of her ex-boyfriend, Aksel. This dark chapter in her life plunged her into the depths of drugs and abuse. Her brother, Rajko, acted as her secret defender, liberating Laena from torment by eliminating the source of her suffering, though this heroic act remains buried in the shadows.

ᅠ›ᅠEvery time prepares for a ballet performance, she engages in a peculiar ritual: placing a small flower on the lapel of her costume as a silent tribute to her mother. It's a private gesture that allows her to feel the connection between her art and her maternal legacy.

ᅠ›ᅠWhen comes into contact with the shadows of death, she not only perceives their presence but also gains fleeting visions of how and when someone will meet their end. This additional burden of knowledge has led her to carry the weight of others' secrets, often grappling with the morality of interfering in the destinies of others.

ᅠ›ᅠFrom a young age, no one ever believed in Lena's abilities. Consequently, throughout her life, she has been subjected to a series of psychiatrists, all attempting to silence her gift with medication. Rather than calming her torment, these pills plunged her into a haze of disconnection and despair.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀Greetings spiders! ⠀⠀⠀Stay hydrated & be respectful

[little-birdseeker]

Growing Wings - Ch.10 - Pinky Promise

[<- Chapter 9: Her Decision]

“Isa? Can I talk to you, for a bit? At the pier?”

“Hmmm…? Of cooourse! Is everything okaaay?”

It was highly unusual for R'namo to, well. Just talk to her. Of course, they did talk a lot everyday, but that happened mostly on their way to whatever jobs they had to do that day. Isabelle couldn’t remember the last time they went somewhere to just talk. It felt unusual, but she gave it not too much of a thought.

“It’s, uh… you’ll see.”

“Oookay!”

Thanks to the gathering clouds, the sun was nowhere to be seen as they arrived at the pier - R’namos favorite pier! Where she and Jon went a few times already! And the one time R’namo told Isabelle how much she was missing her own sister. She had died back then, during the calamity a few years ago. And once again Isabelle had learned how lucky she had been to not lose anyone in her family or dear to her.

Losing the little sister… she had been around the age Isabelle was now, as far as she remembered. Not a rogue herself, but rather a smithy. The knifes R’namo was carrying were made by her, she had learned. Some mementos of the past…

And now, they were here again, with R’namo already sitting on the pier, her feet dangling above the water. No wind, no sun, only clouds… as if the world was holding its breath.

They both kept quiet for a while, looking at the calm sea in front of them. It could have been nicer with more sunlight, but the world was rude and did not allow such a thing!

“So…”, R’namo finally started. “I was told, you want to leave Limsa. “Is that correct?”

“Wha-?!”, Isabelle gapsed. “How did you knooow? Lena tooold you, diiidn’t she!” Nobody else could have known it, she was sure of that! And she had thought better of her! And now she had to…

Isabelle was back on her feet in an instant and was just about to run away - but even though she had been fast, R’namo was faster. Her hand wrapped around Isas right leg, making it impossible to get away.

“You stay here, Isa!” R’namos voice was firm. There was no way she would let her go just like that.

“You caaan’t stop me!! I wiii-”

“Just! Sit down! Isa please! You know me - when I said talk, I meant talk! Or are you still a damn child?”

It hurt. It hurt so much hearing her friend yelling at her like that.

And the worst part was: she was right. She wasn’t a child anymore! Or rather, she wanted everyone to stop perceiving her as a child. And acting like one was very much not the way to do that.

So she stopped struggling and looked down at her friend.

“...only talk?” “Only talk and listen. Answer me some questions. The usual. You know the drill.”

She did. And she had always kept her word, in contrary to some red cat that felt slightly ashamed of it. But only a lil bit!!

“So, you wanna go. Right?”

“...mhm.”

“And… why?”

“Cause i wanna see the wooorld!”

“To see the world, huh…?”

“Mhm!”

“That’s the whole reason?” “Yeeep!”

R’namo sighed heavily and looked at the ocean ahead of them. Did she believe her? Well she did not lie! The world was interesting, but…

“Listen, Isa. Isabelle.”

A bit afraid, the girl’s head spun around and looked at R’namo at her side.

“I can understand the world is big and interesting, with lots of things to see. I have been here and there myself, and Jon told me he had told you some of his stories as well, hasn’t he?”

The catgirl nodded - one of the reasons she wanted to go had been his stories of all the wonders, and all the things she might be able to learn far away from home!

“But what you should also know is that the world is as wonderful and magical as it is uncaring and cruel. A dangerous one. Without proper preparation you might end up somewhere you never wanted to be and will never be able to leave. And I can't see you being well enough prepared for it. You didn’t even think of where you wanna go and how to get there, did you?”

“So you waaant to stop me!”

“Isa! What is your plan to leave? Where? How?”

“...”

“Jump on a ship and get off wherever it feels right?”

“...yeah”, Isabelle admitted quietly.

R’namo sighed once again. “And you know that’s a terrible idea, do you?” “...yeah.”

“And you didn’t even think of any other preparations, did you?”

“...yeah.” “So tell me: Why should I let you go with such a terrible preparation, where everyone, especially me or your parents, would fear for your life after you just left?”

R’namos voice had continuously grown louder and louder, with each passing sentence. And who was to blame her?

It had all sounded so nice in her head! Take a ship, sail somewhere else, explore world. Easy! The details were something for future Isa to figure out! But on the other hand, R’namo was so so right with her concerns. Especially as she had taught her to be a bit more mindful when doing preparations… But she just wanted to… to go! So much!!

Apparently, R’namo had noticed Isabelles thoughts as well - probably due to the drooping ears and her lowered head, so she continued her lecturing.

“Hey, Isa. Listen, I’m sorry. Didn’t want to yell, yet I did… But, for real. You didn’t think I could let you go just like that, did you? You knew that, right? Just… give me a reason. Give me your reason to leave. Give me a reason to believe. Cause seeing the world? My ass! Everyone wants that. That’s no reason, that’s an excuse. And I can’t let you go away with such a bad excuse, can I?”

Isabelle remained silent, for a moment. So she had seen through her. Kind of. But what to tell her? The reason? Well she was her friend, after all, right…?”

“...want to make them proooud”, she mumbled after some time.

“Hm?”

“Make them proooud! Mooom! And Daaad! And Iaaana! And eeeveryone! I want to seeee things, I want to leeearn things! They neeever let me go! They aaalways think I am the liiittle little Isa, I can neeever do things right, I can neeever do things alone! I just- I want to dooo things, I want to leeearn, I want to craaaft, I want to become beeetter! And I neeeed to go! So I can leeearn all of that! Maybe to Thaaavnair! Or to Ul’daaah! Or Gridaaania! Aaanywhere else!!”

It felt good to yell all of that just out into the world. Maybe into R’namos face as well, but Isabelle wasn’t quite sure if that was the best idea, considering how silent her friend had gone.

“I just… I juuust want to make people proud…”, she added again, now with some tears rolling down her cheeks. Tears that were stopped by the gentle hands of R’namo, who had listened to her loud rant.

“I see”, she responded to the yelling.

“It’s as stuuupid reason, iiisn’t it?”, Isabelle said with a little hick, still crying.

“You know… there are more stupid reasons to have, right? Yours is good. I can understand that. And should have known…” “S-sooo… I am allowed to gooo?”

“Hmmm… no. Not yet, at least. Or are you prepared enough yet?”

“...” “See? But really, thank you for telling me that. Oh girl, come here, don’t cry, it’s fine.”

For a while, Isabelle cried a bit into R’namos own chest while the woman stroked the girls head again and again.

“Hey hey, it’s fine, it’s fine. Everything will be fine. I know you love your family. And your extended family in the guild. And I know you want to improve. It’s fine. You just can’t go now. You are not ready. Not yet. So let me help you. No, let us help you. Okay? We will train. We will prepare you. We will help you. Jon and me, Lena and the girls too, and all the others as well. And once you are ready, we will help you find your way, okay?”

“R-reeeally?”

“For real. I’ll let you go once I think you are ready, and will make that the top priority now, okay? I will go back to the guild, sit down, create an overview about everything you still have to learn - you already know a lot, don’t worry - and talk and plan with the others if I missed something, what ship could be taken, where you could go… and so on. And don’t do anything rash on your own, okay? So? Pinky Promise?” R’namo held up her hand, with her extended Pinky pointing towards Isabelle.

It was like time was freezing for a moment. Did R’namo really… accept it? That she was going to leave? Maybe even soon? She just had to accept to that?

Was she sure about it? Well, it would mean to leave everything behind, but also… it felt right. It was necessary! She really, really wanted to go. Her whole body told her it was right! The world was waiting for her!

She had to! So there was only one thing left to do.

“...Piiinky Promise!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Thanks for reading <3 I hope you enjoyed it! More will be added the coming days and will be linked here and on Isabelles story page!)

[Chapter 11: Growing Wings ->]

[lenaperseveranceoxton]

It's been a while since I've posted any sort of character analysis, and I'm bored, so... here we are! I was mildly inspired by this post, but I've had the following on my mind especially since this video came up in my YouTube recommendations a while back.

Can we talk about how STUPID the chronal accelerator is? I hope that the Overwatch Declassified book sheds some more light on it, but I don't think the narrative teams across the franchise's lifespan ever really put much thought into it.

In Reflections, Lena wears her chronal accelerator out by zipping all over King's Row.

Notice how there's still a slight blue glow. So, does it have enough power to keep Lena anchored in time but not enough to let her control her "own personal timeline"? I honestly don't mind that as an aspect/caveat to the chronal accelerator. I promise I'll get back to this point.

In Alive, Lena uses her chronal accelerator to recall JUST before the bullet that killed Mondatta hit her.

One could argue that she anticipated Widowmaker's shot and got lucky. Still, this scene is set in slow motion. Is it purely to make it more dramatic, or does Lena perceive everything around her to be slower as she controls her own personal timeline? I think the latter would make her more interesting as a character, because it would mean that she had more than a split second to decide to dodge the bullet, only adding to her survivor's guilt.

Okay, deep breaths. We're treading into what I would argue are the most annoying portrayals of the chronal accelerator.

I'll get the first bit out of the way: London Calling has a lot wrong with it as a story. I've given my complaints on this blog before, but I'll give a recap. No offense to Mariko Tamaki, but her experience of writing for Marvel and DC comics is apparent. They tried to lean into the superhero aspect of "Tracer", and it misconstrues Lena as a character here and there.

As for the chronal accelerator, it starts electrocuting Lena after Widowmaker slams her into a wall at the end of Alive. After Lady's funeral, Lizzy follows Lena home and sees her being electrocuted half-to-death on the sidewalk, and they use parts sent by the one and only S. Paceape to repair it. Lena doesn't hear Winston's warning that the fix is temporary, and she blinks all the way to Iggy with no hiccups. Then, as she snatches Iggy from Kace, she says "Just need the chronal accelerator to hang in there for... got ya!" and it suddenly starts electrocuting her again. Obvious inconsistency there, as Lena shouldn't have known the chronal accelerator was about to electrocute her when it was most convenient for the plot, but why are THESE parts from Winston temporary? She gets them right after Mondatta's assassination, and she doesn't get electrocuted before then. She speaks about Winston as if they're not in regular contact, and Winston simply mails her parts on occasion.

Why did Babs Tarr draw her like this? Why is it that these parts are suddenly temporary? Winston would know that Lena uses her chronal accelerator REGULARLY. She prefers to use it over taking the tube, for example. All of a sudden, his parts can't handle a short walk to the Underworld? The writing did BOTH of them dirty in this comic. I can't lie.

Now, onto the thing that frustrates me the most: the Doomfist Origin Story. Remember my point about it being interesting concept for Lena to be able to slow down her perception of time? I feel like, with this origin story, they focused so much on portraying Akande as the cold and calculated warrior that he is that they made Tracer look ESPECIALLY inept.

It would've made more sense for Akande to study the fighting patterns of Genji. He very clearly dislikes Asa Yamagami in that one OW2 interaction he has with Genji. Surely, a light bulb would've gone off like "Ah, this cybernetic ninja fights quite like a student of Asa Yamagami. I might be able to predict his next move."

Time to bring this essay full circle! Remember my point about Reflections kind of implying an interesting concept of the chronal accelerator having just enough power to keep Lena anchored but not enough for her to control her own timeline?

Rewatch the Doomfist Origin Story. Seriously, look at how much Lena is blinking here. I think it would've been more fitting for Lena's character if her overconfidence led to her burning her chronal accelerator out and leaving her defenseless, frozen like a deer in headlights. It would also fit Akande's character, as he would know that Lena would eventually tire herself out (maybe not to the extent of her life support device giving up on her, but my point stills stands). Akande would still be able to destroy Lena's chronal accelerator, presuming that it would take her out of the fight for good, and the plot would move on the same way.

Now, I don't know how to end this, so I'm just going to say that Lena "Tracer" Oxton is my original character. I'm taking her from Blizzard's grasp. No one understands her like I do. 😔

[redhatmeg]

Ironic like literally she is risking lives, Clark is right . Like wtf letting you kill yourself to prove a point is beyond worse

I can remember at least one instance where Lois Lane threw herself into danger to get Superman's attention. This is nothing new, but it's still kinda iffy, when you think about it deeper.

But this whole situation reminds me of Sophie Moore in Batwoman learning that Kate Kane was the titular charcter and being mad that Julia Pennyworth knew about it and didn't tell her (as if it was Julia's secret to tell). The same lack of understanding that not revealing a secret is not always the same as lying. Also Sophie too, at some point, worked against Batwoman and Kate just revealing her identity to her could pose some risks.

Now let's compare and contrast how Iris West in S1 of The Flash reacted to the knowledge that Barry and her father, Joe, were keeping the identity of The Flash from her. Iris is actually quite reasonable with her anger, especially because Joe's main argument to keep her in the dark was that they were "protecting her" and Iris points out that if she knew who Flash was and what's going on, she would "have helped (...) put the bad guys away, instead of being in the way". For the most of The Flash S1, Iris was supportive of the Flash, even defending him from detractors (only after Flash vs. Arrow she turned against him and it didn't last for long), and Barry himself didn't tell her anything only because of Joe's insistance.

To this day I think that Iris West's reaction is one of the best scenes in Arrowverse as a whole, because it challanges the "lying to protect her" notion as something that doesn't work in the long run.

At the same time for a long time I was of opinion that Kara Denvers should tell Lena Luthor that she's Supergirl, if only because they were friends; but then the writers threw a granade into the relations between Kara and Lena and just telling Lena the truth seemed like it should be done when these relations would be mended. And then Lena learned about Kara's secret in the worst possible way - from Lex - and for the next season she was vengeful as fuck.

There are also external issues, like how the superhero is perceived by the populace (see: Arrow and Daredevil).

Anyway, you're totally right that Clark is right (sic!), but I think that there are two main problems that arise in this kind of situations:

The hero still lies to their friends and family to cover their secret (like that time with Clark saying he cut himself) and that can be disrespectful and kinda iffy in the long run.

Whenever they reveal their secret identity or not, it always comes down to trust. If someone learns about their loved one's secret identity, one of the first things they will think about is whenever their loved one trusted them to reveal the secret on their own or if that someone had to be told by the third party or figure it on their own.

What I'm trying to say is this: Lois feels disrespected and hurt by Clark keeping such a secret from her (something that many people can relate to on some level), but at the same time Clark points out that many of her actions didn't prove to him that she can be trusted with such a secret. And Clark himself who is figuring his identity on his own may not be ready to tell about it to anyone but his parents.

[tumbleofdorks]

Personal take, as much as I enjoy the aesthetic I don't really get why so many people draw the Magnus Protocol characters so punk/alt and cool looking.

I've worked both night-shift computer jobs AND in small government and the only flavors those comes in are definitely "do not perceive me", "respectable comfy", and "I am very Important."

Alice is the comfy type, she's been in this job so long she doesn't care and is focused on being comfy. The most fashionable I can imagine her getting is tucking her over-sized sweater in to her jeans. Probably wears converse. I could see her being a fun makeup type girl though, a pop of color smudged on her eyelids with her ring finger on her commute ride on the tube.

Sam is new, he's still at least trying but this is still a polo and slacks type situation. Clean tennis shoes at best after wearing his good leather shoes on his first day. His hair is neatly combed, but not what one would call "styled."

Collin is late night IT. I have been late night IT specifically. He is the most likely to be wearing a t-shirt with a dumb phrase on it and get away with it. Hoodies. Jeans with faded knees from crawling under desks. Occasionally sweatpants if he's having a real bad day. Hair long enough for a ponytail, or messy and short. Dirty sneakers.

Now Gwen is a climber. She over-dresses. She has simple jewelry, but it is real gold. Her hair is tied tightly back in a bun, french-twist, or mid-height ponytail. She wears sensible, but high quality shoes, occasionally a small heel. Skirts, slacks, button down shirts and form-fitting sweaters. You wouldn't catch her dead without her no-makeup makeup.

Lena is government management, even if she is night shift. Business casual all day every day. Voted most likely to wear a blazer. She doesn't wear much jewelry, but that is most definitely an expensive watch on her wrist and it is set to International Atomic Time. I personally imagine her with glasses, but that's mostly so I can picture her staring down Gwen while looking over them.

I guess these designs maybe aren't as fun? But a lot of the more flamboyant designs would totally break my immersion, cause having been there, no one in those jobs dresses like that heh...

[cardcaptorsakura96]

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Fandom: Supergirl, Shazam, The Flash, Zatanna, Teen Titans

Characters: Alexa Luthor Danvers, Liza Luthor Danvers, Zatanna, Billy Batson, Damien Wayne, Jon Kent, Nora West Allen

Summary: The Superkids are participating in a decathlon, but unusual series of events start to happen. This is a part of the 1k word challenge. I got the word smoke. This is in the same world as my series My Everything. Alexa, Liza, Billy, and Zatanna are a couple of years older. You can read this independently of the series. Not sure if I will keep this as a one shot or continue. If you want to see more, let me know!

Word Count: 2,464

Chapter: 1/?

Billy Batson looked at his gym outfit and cringed. Every year he got roped into doing the school’s decathlon. Everyone from 6-8th grade had to do a variety of physical activities for several hours. Then their results get posted in front of their entire class. It sucked because as Billy, he was at the tail end of the pack in regards to fitness. But as Shazam. He could wipe the floor with everyone. What made it worse this year is that they invited other schools across the country to participate: Gotham Academy and Kansas City Middle School. There was only two highlights. One is that this is the last one that he had to do before entering high school next year. The second highlight (which was the best in his opinion) is that he would get to hang out with two people that he admired: Jon Kent and Damien Wayne. They were in the Teen Titans and in the same grade as he is. Jon was cooler and calmer then this dad. Damien was the opposite. He had excellent knowledge and combat skills, but tended to be on the impulsive side. He has been able to meet them as Shazam since the League assigned him as a team lead for the Titans, but they didn’t want to hang out with him much because they perceived him as being an adult that was judging their performance. However, today was the day to change all that. His only problem is that they didn’t know who he was. 

Billy sighed while walking outside. Most of the students were either just standing around or just stretching. He scanned the school yard to see if he could spot anyone he knew. He smiled brightly when he spotted Damien and Jon huddled together across the yard. As he approached, he started to slow down as he saw the two in a middle of an argument. 

“I’m telling you Jon, we should just leave. No one would noticed” said Damien. 

Jon sighed and said, “You really want to start trouble right after getting off the plane.”

“It is not like anyone would noticed that we are gone. We don’t have anything to prove. I can wipe the floor with these simpletons any day.”

“People would noticed that we are gone dumb ass. Remember Alexa and Liza saw us earlier.”

“Do you really think your cousins would rat us out?”

“Lena is picking them up,” muttered Jon.

Damien’s face fell and said solemnly, “The human lie detector.”

Jon nodded and said, “Even if we didn’t tell Alexa and Liza anything, I am supposed to be staying with them the next couple of days. I am not going to face her wrath over some stupid stunt you want to pull.”

Damien looked down and said, “You guys are no fun.”

Billy thought it was a good moment to try to get their attentions and cleared his throat. Both boys looked back at him quizzically. 

“Is there something we can help you with?” asked Damien.

“Um, hi! My name is Billy,” said Billy stuttering. 

“And? Why should we care?” drawled Damien. 

Jon turned to Damien and said, “Don’t be rude.”

Jon then turned to Damien with a smile and said, “My name is Jon Kent, and my annoying friend here is Damien Wayne.”

“I am not the annoying one,” muttered Damien.

Jon rolled his eyes and said, “Anyway, I have heard a lot about you.”

“Really?” squeaked Billy.

Jon nodded and said, “You hang out with my cousins Alexa and Liza. There are really big fans of yours especially Alexa.”

Damien started snicking at that comment. 

Read the rest on AO3

[buglymcbugson]

found some old writing from 2021 - how beautiful is it to look back on old feelings and know how far you’ve come. trigger warnings on this one for sexual assault xo

“he keeps saying the c word, and it isn’t ‘cunt’”

i’ve started leaving the house now that lena is here

nowhere crazy of course

the other day i walked to yoga class 15 minutes away

alone

this might not seem like a large feat to some

but 6 months ago i had panic attacks leaving the house to walk the puppy

i even said hi to acquaintance yesterday at the grocery store

and i didn’t want to slit my wrists

lena being here brings me out of my shell

she met me without my hardened shell built to protect me from the toxicity of my hometown

she reminds me that i am more than the people of this place perceive me to be

i see this place through her eyes

last week i looked up to the mountains

and i saw mountains

beautiful mountains

i didn’t feel like they were moving in on me slowly until they squeezed all the air out of my lungs

because of my newfound ability to leave the house i’ve also been socialising more

mostly with my cousins, and with jayden

who i guess is one of the closest things to a brother i have (outside of my own brother of course but that’s an extra note in itself isn’t it)

we have naked baby pictures together

he can recount all the bad family fights at thanksgivings we had together

he even complains about my father in the same way i do

most nights jayden invites his friends over to hang with us too

this is another thing my anxiety would prevent me from doing 6 months ago

but jayden’s friends are cool

they all just smoke weed, play music, and tell dumb jokes

they weren’t the kind of people to keep tabs on me in high school

or call me a slut for who i slept with

or kept up to date on who i slept with for that matter

just a few nerdy stoner guys

jack was there tonight

the son of my 8th grade spanish teacher

i hadn’t seen him since middle school

he’s always been chill

no drama

and he was chill tonight, as usual

but then jack said the C word while we were walking down the street

and i had to stop and pause, unnoticed by the group who kept talking and laughing

and repeating the C word

and god how much I wish the word was “cunt”

but the word wasn’t “cunt,” the C word is his name

and as i soon as i heard it the mountains started moving in

it was a little harder to breathe

and my hangnails looked a lot more appetizing for my chattering teeth

i’ve been gone for so long

and isolated for so much longer (due to my severe anxiety first and a global pandemic second)

that i forgot he existed outside the person he is to me

he exists as a friend, a teammate, and a lover to others

but to me, C**** will always be my rapist

and it’s not like hearing jack say his name reminded me about him

there’s not a single day that goes by that i don’t think about him or what he did to me

but it was a reminder that in this place

he doesn’t belong to me or to my story

he’s not simply a character in the story of my life that i retell when i connect with someone in a foreign country

i am no longer the main character

because people perceive him apart from me

apart from my rapist

they perceive him as a jokester, an athlete, and a bit of a party animal

when they see him all they see is his long hair that frames his gap toothed smile and eyes i used to think looked kind

people tell stories and they aren’t about him fucking an unconscious child

they’re about the funny jokes he’s told and the gifts he had to buy for his girlfriend when he fucked up

and about a faaaaaatty bong rip he took one time

i have forgotten what it feels like to be silenced by his name

have my strength and power i’ve developed over years of self discovery pushed back down my throat

because i will never be able to say it here

i couldn’t while it happened

i couldn’t after it happened

and i can’t now

the only thing consistent in my life is the silence that traps me every time the wheels touch down at the Juneau International Airport

i wonder if i’ll ever get to the point where his name doesn’t make me stop in the street

i honestly doubt it

but i walked to yoga alone so i guess anything is possible

[natalievoncatte]

Kara Zor El Danvers lived in a world of limitless sensation.

Thanks to her cousin, the world knew of her x-ray vision, but her eyesight went far beyond that. She could focus her attention and observe the mechanisms of the cell, or look skyward and see things so vast that they were invisible to the human eye. (She learned in her youth not to tell people that the entire solar system was, from time to time, engulfed in the digestive tract of a space whale so huge that its body was too big for humans to perceive) She could see colors lost to human vision and watch particles scatter off the atmosphere.

He sense of smell was beyond acute; had she the impulse, she could have tracked her family by scent. Her hearing was both gift and curse, as was her sense of taste, which she indulged with abandon thanks to her vastly more efficient digestive system and metabolism.

What most people never thought about was her touch. Kara could shake someone’s hand and read their fingerprint like braille. She was sensitive to the most minute changes in temperature or texture, and at times it could be just as overwhelming and overstimulating as her other senses. Kara learned to embrace it- she was a tactile girl from a race that disdained physical contact, even among lovers.

They had no idea what they were missing.

The first time Kara laid her hands on Lena Luthor was just after she’d arrested the fall of a multi-ton helicopter and dragged it from gravity’s grasp to bring it to rest on the roof of LuthorCorp. She’d checked the pilot first and…

Kara had eidetic memory. Perfect recall. It was another cursed gift, one born of the interaction of perfect healing with her alien brain. She would never forget seeing Lena for the first time. It was hers and hers alone.

Other humans could see Lena’s dark hair and soft pale skin, see the variation between her eyes, one a little more blue than green. They didn’t see what Kara saw; a thousand colors sparkling in those eyes like impossible gems, the heat bloom on her skin following the flush in her cheeks. The thundering of her heart in her chest beat a tempo in Kara’s ears, and then Kara touched her.

It was a simple gesture. No skin to skin, just a hand on Lena’s shoulder to steady her and ask her if she was okay, but beneath it Kara could sense her pulse and her body heat and was dimly aware of the electrical conduction of her nervous system.

It was heady, intoxicating. Even her scent- not the perfume covering it but the scent of *her*, her real scent, shot through with acidic fear, was intoxicating. Kara breathed it in and it exploded in her chest, making her feel a million miles tall.

The meeting was brief. Kara had to deal with annoying robots. There were always robots.

Later, Lena was there again and this time Kara was meeting her. Kara forgot that as she walked in with Kal… Clark. For those first few steps she wasn’t Supergirl or Cat Grant’s Assistant, she was herself, the person she only was around her closest friends who knew her secret. The one who walked tall, shoulders back, with nothing to hide.

Again, Lena was overwhelming. Kara was all but stunned by her, stammering and blushing. She didn’t know if there was love at first sight but first touch, just maybe. Lena’s hand was soft and warm, her grip firm, and Kara didn’t know why, then, that it sent such a jolt through her.

It was not the last time they touched.

Some thugs heaved Lena off her balcony, sending her screaming towards her death. Kara was there -she wouldn’t have had to hear it all over the phone- and caught her. It was a flawless rescue, scooping her from the air. Lena, terrified, clung to her for dear life.

Something happened on the way up. There was a brief, searing moment when Lena’s fear faded and she pressed in tight to her savior. Kara was acutely aware of the bare skin on the inside of Lena’s knee, the feeling of her soft calf against the back of her hand and the pull of Lena’s arms around her neck.

That night, Kara began to have feelings. Imaginings. Feeling silken smooth legs sliding under her palms, delicate hands clutched in hers, fingers laced. Wet skin slick on wet skin and clenching muscles, gossamer curls winding across her flesh in a symphony of pure feeling, hot breath on her skin. Teeth on her neck.

It felt weird, it felt wrong, it felt… predatory. Kara was scared of what she wanted, and how she wanted it- feral, with the wild abandon of an apex predator. Kryptonians were above such things. They were a race of stoic scientists who mastered and abandoned animal lusts and replaced them with cold technology Would she betray her heritage this way, too? She’d failed to keep Kal Kryptonian. What if she lost herself, too?

There were other touches. Soft hands on shoulders and lingering palms resting on arms. Lena hugged Kara and sheltered in her arms, drawing Kara around her like armor, and Kara let herself revel in it. She needed to protect Lena like she needed to breathe air.

Then came another. The Daxamite. The enemy, the lover, the jerk. He gave her touches too. Touches she was supposed to enjoy, supposed to want. Everyone told her so, even Alex who despised and suspected him at first.

She enjoyed it for what it was, and hated it for what it wasn’t.

Then he was gone and she was left again to longing. She tried to abandon the Danvers and Become Kryptonian, but she’d failed. Lena Luthor had gloriously corrupted her and she knew in the deepest hidden parts of her heart that whoever she was, she wasn’t the model Kryptonian youth, promised to the science council. She was Alex Danvers’s sister and Eliza Danvers’s daughter and Clark Kent’s cousin, losing herself in friendship and potstickers and guilt.

In the dark, Kara wept because she knew if she could change it all, if she could go back, save her world and her people, something of great value would be lost.

There was something between them, something terrible, something festering between every touch and it gnawed at Kara more and more with every lingering moment. Joy was shot through with terror when Lena would crowd in close to her, the pair of them giggling wine-drunk like the children they’d never been allowed to be. Children of tragedy, daughters of tarnished fathers, inheritors of legacies too heavy to carry alone.

More and more Lena and Kara let each other press close, each under the other’s shoulder, bearing the weight the weight as one. As one in every way except the one that mattered, until Kara’s heart hurt so much that she remembered those first days on Earth when she’d wished the green fireball had taken her pod too.

Then came the worst thing: the truth.

Kara wanted nothing more than to touch her, to feel skin on skin. She knew if she could hold Lena she could make it better, if she could come just shy of kissing the crown of her head and tell her how impossibly sorry she was that Lena would see, that she would feel and understand.

Instead there was only a wall of ice crusted with poison that shot red hot rancid agony through her veins, like a hot knife flensing her skin as her lungs crushed themselves. It felt like she was dying and she wanted it.

It felt like that the entire time. Every argument, every fight. Kara just wanted to scream. Scream at Lena at Mount Norquay with the ultimate weapon aimed at her heart, scream at her on balconies and rooftops and in fraught rescues where Lena shoved her away. Please just let me hold you one more time.

And then, one day, Lena came back. Kara was doing something meaningless -even with the world at stake she still had to write puff pieces for her asshole new boss- and was pacing around her apartment looking for the will to be human when it felt so pointless, and then she heard the staccato of Lena’s racing heart and pulled open her door.

It was explosive. Kara froze, stunned as if struck. It was like seeing Lena for the first time again, as she stood there with tear-wet cheeks in a winter coat with her arms and shoulders folded in fear, and Kara hated that she was afraid. She watched the invisible spectrum dance across Lena’s skin and was lost in her sea-sapphire eyes all over again and dared not even think the prayer on her tongue, a plea that came to her in Kryptonian first.

“I’m sorry,” Lena began, “I was wrong.”

Kara only heard the pain and knew she had to make it stop. Instinct drove her, the instinct she wasn’t supposed to answer. She embraced Lena with the utmost care, needing only to make it better, to make her precious Lena’s hurting stop.

Despite her photographic memory she would never recall who crossed the Rubicon. Maybe it was both of them at once. Lena touched Kara as she never had before, answering the intensity of Kara’s consuming attention in a way she’d always shied from before. Every flash of boldness from Lena drove Kara more feral and she sucked in a sharp breath as she left a hand print pressed in her door, thinking oh oh Rao I don’t want to hurt her, but if Lena was afraid she didn’t show it.

It all just sort of happened on instinct, like they both just knew what to do. Kara heaved her Lena into the air with a shocking display of strength, quivering with joy. Catching her wasn’t enough, she wanted to scoop Lena up and carry her off like a conquering hero, and she was, this was really happening.

They spoke only once, Kara asking the question. “Is this okay?”

“Yes.”

Kara exerted every ounce of control she had, schooling every movement, commanding every brush of her fingers and movement of her hands. She let herself drink the sensations, etching a record of every facet of these moments that would endure until the end of her days. She’d never felt as alive as when she felt Lena’s body arch under her hands and the buzz in her throat as she cried Kara’s name.

The humans called it becoming one flesh. Kara thought that was silly. Now, she understood.

Lena answered her tenfold, answering Kara’s burning questions with her hands and lips and teeth, almost shocking Kara with her intensity.

To her surprise it was the after she loved most, feeling Lena’s soft, delicate, vulnerable body cradled in her arms, and when Lena sobbed into her shoulder, Kara wept with her and murmured all the promises again and again and again.

Later, after struggles and losses and a strange sense that it was all finally over, the great battles won, the great miracles all performed, Kara formed the metal and crushed the gems into being with her own hands, and would never forget the trembling in Lena’s hands as she circled the bracelet around her wrist.

[lovecolibri]

The preemptive fawning over a new character we know nothing about is just people laying ground cover for when they inevitably turn on her. So they can say they don’t hate female characters, the show just didn’t do a good job with this one! They were so excited and then [insert here but essentially she didn’t turn out to be the sexless cheerleader who graciously bowed out to urge along the popular m/m ship]. They’ll build her up and talk about how beautiful she is and how high their hopes are, and then when she inevitably doesn’t meet their unreasonably high expectations, the backlash will begin. And it will be all “:/ I really wanted to like her but…” and a hundred stories will be written about her somehow victimizing the male characters. It’s a tale as old as time, unfortunately!

Note: I’m not saying no one can dislike a female character, or that there are no legitimate reasons to. I’m not saying no one can be disappointed about their favored ship being delayed or not becoming canon at all. I’m just saying I’ve seen this specific cycle far too many times to be surprised. The Baby -> Evil switch goes fast!

I'm gonna be honest, I'm not entirely sure I'm the right person for this? Like, I absolutely am not out there fawning over a character we know nothing about, but I do typically try to give shows the benefit of the doubt, or I did previously before this show kinda beat it out of me. I tried to be neutral about Tay Kay when she first came back, and I certainly thought after that mess the show had learned and so I was optimistic about Lucy being another Lena, here for a couple episodes to have a couple scenes and then leaving forever. I'm CERTAINLY not about to make that mistake again. But I'm not trying to preemptively hate on a character themselves that we know nothing about, I'm just....very, very tired of this cycle. We did it in season 2, then again in season 4, did we REALLY need to do it again?!

I do get what you're saying because this is all VERY reminiscent of the "lesbian Lucy" hubbub and people shutting down ANY talk of her being a love interest and then that's all she ever was and the whole reason she was brought on🤷🏻‍♀️ (and to give kr someone she actually wanted to write for because lord knows she doesn't seem to want to bother with most of the rest of the main characters)

But while some people are going to hype this character up and then drag her later we they get tired (Tay Kay comes to mind), I'm sure there are a lot of fans trying to stay neutral who are going to get lumped in and call "misogynists" for not loving a character just because she's female. That's honestly half the reason I tried to be as gracious about Tay Kay in s4 as I was when it was airing because a) I honestly thought her calling Buck "needy" was the show making it clear she wasn't LI material, and b) because after my oh so fun time in the RNM fandom (HA!) I was just...SO tired of the "you ONLY hate this character for getting in the way of your ship". As if a female character's only importance is how they are perceived in relation to the male characters and the only opinion you can have on them HAS to be tied to a mlm ship 🙄

ANYWAY, all that to say, I absolutely see where you're coming from and I certainly agree that there will be people propping this character up JUST to "prove" they don't "hate women" and there will be people who "love" her until we actually know anything about her at which point they'll turn, but also there will be people who don't like the storyline or how it's handled or after learning more about the character do not like her for character reasons, and they shouldn't be lumped into the "you just hate female characters for ship reasons" category.

[dancedance-resolution]

anyways while we’re on the subject of sg medical trauma. i feel like lena has an eating disorder. gonna talk ad nauseum about it under the cut.

developing an ed was kind of inevitable, i think, with the way the luthors policed her body growing up. her diet, exercise, supplements, etc, were regiments so strictly regulated by the luthors. and the results were relentlessly examined too - after all, if this bastard child has to bear the luthor name, then at the very least she has to wear it well.

in her adult life, as the luthorcorp ceo, it’s that same spotlight her adoptive parents put on her but...bigger. ruthless in new and different ways. social media gossips and tabloids openly speculate over her wait, print headlines about pounds she’s allegedly gained and crash diets she’s allegedly failed at. and the pregnancy rumors, always accompanied by a grainy pap photo with her protruding stomach circled in bold red ink, pop up weekly. her male coworkers laud her a bitch, a dyke, a fat pig, in various degrees of openness; even her female coworkers, trying to be supportive, tend to trigger her with ostensibly caring comments about a diet their sister successfully tried or a weight loss doctor their cousin raves about.

and so being in a relationship with kara is complicated for her, body image wise. because kara is quite literally inhumanly gorgeous, with a sculpted figure that every sapphic national city twitter-user thirsts over on the daily. and (in this little headcanon lena is fat btw bc truly that’s what we deserve) lena’s....not. not skinny, not muscular, not ‘mainstream attractive’.

but kara, somehow, loves her. all of her, kara claims, including her body. she presses kisses along her tummy before going down on her, traces loving fingers and lips over her stretchmarks, waxes poetic about how she wants to suffocate between lena’s thighs. reassures lena that no, her arm fat doesn’t look ugly in that dress, but if it would make her feel more comfortable, she can borrow kara’s supergirl cape to cover them up.

which is one thing.

but more than that, kara eats.

she gets belly bloat after downing an unholy amount of pasta. she devours carbs and sugars and fats without care. she scoffs at the idea that ‘food is fuel’, instead indulging in what she wants when she wants because it’s an opportunity to bond with family members over a meal, or because she trusts her body when it tells her it’s hungry, or just because it fucking tastes good. food isn’t evil, isn’t something that needs to be caged and regulated - it’s a source of pleasure, a vessel to facilitate interpersonal connection, a way to cultivate her old culture and heritage.....

she never criticizes lena’s eating habits, never so much as remarks when a package of oreos goes missing from the pantry only to be found empty beneath the bed later that day because lena still feels so much fucking shame about binging. she doesn’t comment on how weird it is that lena sometimes holds her plate in her lap, beneath the surface of the dining room table, because it makes it easier for her to eat when the food she’s consuming isn’t being perceived by anyone; she doesn’t condemn lena for wasting food when all she can manage is a few bites.

which is not to say that kara doesn’t try to help. she sends lena a poem one time, something about how you shouldn’t cut up your body into pieces for individual scrutiny because it is whole and it is good. she starts bringing lunch to lena’s office every weekday when lena admits that eating at work is particularly difficult for her, and she communicates with lena to develop a system where lena wordlessly indicates whether or not she wants kara to stay and chat with her during her lunch break based on how lena positions her desk calendar that afternoon. she uses nailpolish to paint intricate designs on lena’s nails when she notices that lena’s been picking at her skin more than usual, the art later serving as a reminder and source of strength for lena to help stop herself from caving in to the compulsion. she prepares snacks when she notices that lena hasn’t eaten in a while and wordlessly leaves them on the kitchen counter as a low-pressure way of encouraging lena to eat and helping reduce the amount of energy it takes lena to eat.

and when things get bad and kara notices that lena needs help help, she communicates with lena every step of the way, going out of her way to give lena agency and information.

so it’s complicated. recovery is weird, and anything but linear, and lena still has good days and bad days.

but she realizes that all of the days are markedly better now that she has kara by her side.

[diaperdrysuitdrone1950]

TATERED OLE FLAG

AUTHOR’S NOTE TO READERS:  This is not the typical story line that I post on places like TUMBLR.  But I hope it will generate some appropriate reactions. 

====================================================

It was the day before Valentine’s Day.  A nice sunny day with the temp heading up to 50F degrees.  A perfect time to hop back on to HARLEY in search of another chapter for my story.  It was the day after the super bowl.  A game that I had mixed feelings about.  I liked the Chiefs more than the Eagles, but I really would also like to see Jason get a ring like his brother has.  Jaylene also get a ring just like the one Patrick already wears.  It really was a well-played close contest throughout. But in the end, only one team could win.  

Just before the game, something happened that really stuck in my head. I felt silly as it actually caused the tears to be running down my face. It was the story about a stranger that came to town.  A younger man who spotted that tattered ole flag waving above the town square.   The young man spotted an old veteran sitting on a bench under the tattered ole flag and questioned why they had not changed out that ole flag for a newer better flag?

The ole veteran replied how they had just grown so fond of that tattered ole flag.  How they first came to love it when it crossed the Delaware river with George.  Whose broad stripes and bright stars still shined as the banner still waved when Francis Scott Key laid his eyes upon it in the dawn’s early light.  

The story went on as to how tattered and torn the ole flag became as it went thru the civil war, World War One and was raised over Iwo Jima during the second world war. How the flag was burned in the protests of Viet Nam.  Also, how even today many still try their best to shred and tear apart that good ole flag.  

Perhaps others are joining me now as the tears once again run down my face.  Tears that I cannot stop.  Tears that I just have to let happen. Feelings of anger that I have for those who I feel want to ripe that flag all apart and put an end to this great experiment we call Democracy.  I really needed to hop onto the HARLEY to sort all of this out.  

WTF is WOK anyway?  Near as I can tell it is just a focus group. A group that some American’s can use to focus all of their hate on.  The color of another man’s skin is not enough for all of their rage and hate.  They need something bigger and much more inclusive. They need to aggressively hate anything and everything that disputes their special form of reality.

As I took my dog Lena for a walk after my ride on HARLEY, I saw that same aggressive anger and hate filled emotion.  Lena, who I usually know as a loving dog who cuddles up next to me in bed each night, was now filled with that aggressive rage.  

There was a couple other people with two other dogs out at the ranch with us today.  The four dogs with me started to bark as the two new dogs came closer.  I could see the fear building in Lena as she expressed here aggressive rage.  How dare these other dogs enter her sacred space.

I had to collar Lena. The owners of the other two dogs placed a leash on them.  The other three dogs with me began to approach the two new dogs and do all the usual butt sniffing that dogs are supposed to do when they meet a stranger.  Deep inside me, I knew the other three dogs I had well enough to know that they would make peace with the strangers.

Lena, who had been locked away in a safe cage much of her life prior to meeting me, never learned how to make peace with others.  It was her natural instinct to express all of her aggression and rage.  I knew I had to hang on to her collar before the first bits would begin.  

Many people I have met do not comprehend how diversity can be the life blood of our democracy.  Any time they perceive a “strange dog” to be violating their sacred place, they become fearful and enraged.  They have not learned the concept of freedom for all. When they think of freedom, they think only of themselves.  Instead of freedom for all they yearn for an autocrat who would put a leash onto everyone else. An autocrat that will impose their will upon everyone. An autocrat that will recognize their supremacy and provide them with special privileges. An autocrat who would put an end to diversity.

An end to the lifeblood of our democracy. An end to the country that I stood up for and defended even when I did not agree with it about the war it was engaging in.

 Diversity has no power what-so-ever to tear apart and shred that flag that I love. Diversity only brings new life to the land that I love.  Diversity merely adds more flavor to the stew that is in our melting pot. It makes us an even greater nation than we were yesterday.

But fear, aggression, hatred and rage have already frayed that flag far too long. It is my prayer to God that it will stop.  But I know it will not happen in my lifetime.  I pray for my grandchildren and my soon to arrive great grandchild, that the experiment in freedom and democracy we started so long ago, may continue thru their entire life time. May this place we call home become an even more perfect union, where we great each other as brothers and sisters with open arms and open hearts.  We don’t even have to sniff each other’s butts to do it!!    Perhaps we should learn how to?

The Superbowl required two teams to compete.  A designated amount of time was set aside for the competition to be played out.  After it was all over, the players crossed the field to embrace each other.  My fellow Americans, isn’t it about time we went across that field and embraced each other. After all, we are all on the same team!

[spookyrobbins]

I really agree with abo anon (may I ask what ‘abo’ stands for?), it’s very weird that so many Calzona shippers side with either Callie or Arizona. I have never seen a fandom so strange… it’s super uncomfortable.

And lena I agree that they may perceive it like you hate Callie because you focus on Arizona, but isn’t that the root of the weirdness?

Why should focusing on one character (for whatever reason) mean that you dislike the other?? I don’t understand. My theory is that it’s only a handful of people but they are just extremely loud about it…

i get a lot of comments, questions, etc about why i write so much more from arizonas pov and honestly it’s not because i like her more or anything, it’s because i find her voice easier to write. it just comes easier to me so i write more of arizona ig.

you also have a lot more space with arizona bc her backstory is completely blank beyond her brother died and her dad was a marine. like beyond that the world is your oyster lol

but yeah i’ve never seen a fandom where people a) side so much with one half or the other and b) seem to dislike half the ship on some level