#and is always shouting his emotions and understanding and intentions at people

[daydreamerdrew]

The Hulk! (1978) #24

[pagannatural]

1.21 Salvation

-John finally, after some 22 years, lets his sons in on his plans and shows them everything he’s got on the demon that killed their mom and Jess.

-John is such a good character. I’m not really interested in liking or disliking him, I just love his part in this story. He reacted to an unimaginable situation in a human way. Who among us can say, really, how we would parent two small children if our wife was brutally murdered on the ceiling by a demon who then burned down our entire house? John truly thought the whole world was a war zone so he made his kids soldiers rather than getting them to safety. To understand John you have to understand that Safe and Normal as concepts were destroyed for him. He wanted to protect his boys so badly that he tried to prepare them and toughen them and train them but he also wanted to shield them so he hid as much as he could from them. He taught them that people were dying and they were responsible for stopping it. He put all of that on their way-too-young shoulders all while refusing to trust them or let them in.

Under all that pressure, Sam and Dean created their own world, their bubble of safety with each other. They give each what they need in the most vital and fundamental sense, nourishing each other in a hostile environment. They share something that no one else could ever understand.

So thanks, John.

-“It’s not your problem, it’s our problem” is an objectively kind and supportive thing to say so I’m proud of Dean for managing to shout it angrily at Sam. Such passion such energy

-Sam looks like a little kid this whole scene where Dean and John are arguing about parenting him. Dean stands up to John again and defends himself. He’s Sam’s daddy now (sorry)

-John tells Sam “I want you to go to school, I want Dean to have a home” which is hilarious to me because it implies that he thinks of Dean as a homeless man (which he is).

Dean glances at Sam when John says this and then hangs his head. Sam is his home. And he feels responsible for Sam leaving school (which he is).

-In the car Sam tells Dean “I want to thank you” but the you comes out as “ya”. This happens another time when Sam tells Dean “I still love you” (or something close to that) in s5e11. It’s unusual for Sam. He doesn’t ya his you’s regularly at the end of a sentence. Jared and Jensen both have typical midwestern accents on the show. Jared intentionally changes his speech pattern when he’s possessed, so that words like “wasn’t” or “doesn’t” are enunciated when normally Sam pronounces it like “wud’n” or “dud’n” with a very soft “d.”

Point being, something is causing Sam to shy off of saying these things and making them sound too serious so he says “I want to thank ya” which sounds more casual. When he’s lost in emotion (like later when he throws Dean against a wall and says “don’t you say that”), he enunciates his you’s. I think this is unintentional of Sam and intentional of Jared. Sam’s trying not to scare Dean off or sound too confessional- he’s seen how Dean reacts to that.

-Sam says “even when I couldn’t count on anyone”

Dean gave him consistency and safety and the knowledge that he was always loved. Dean’s his sanctuary.

-Dean says the house is “burning to the ground, it’s suicide”

“I don’t care” “I do”

Sam is reckless. He has a safe place to land, so he often acts without really thinking through the consequences, and Dean is always there for him. This is the THIRD house fire Dean has protected Sam from. Interesting that Sam asked Jessica, his Dean replacement, “what would I do without you?” in ep1 and she said “crash and burn.” Actually that’s what you would do without Dean :)

-Sam says killing the demon is “all we’ve ever cared about” he doesn’t realize that Dean has always cared more about him than about revenge or justice or whatever else. Dean would rather have Sam. Wild that Sam doesn’t know he’s Dean’s top priority yet. I wonder if he knew that pre-Stanford?

-Sam gets angry when Dean says they can’t bring Jessica or their mom back. It mirrors Dean slamming Sam against the wall in ep1 when he told Dean their mom is never coming back. Sam’s anger melts as soon as Dean speaks and he ends up just kind of grasping Dean’s shirt and pressing into him with this desperate look on his face. They look at each other’s mouths.

-Dean is accepting of Sam grabbing him and throwing him against a wall, just like Sam handles it in s2 when Dean punches him in the face. They have no normal way to express how intensely they feel about each other so it comes out as violence or care when one is injured. Love and need and pain are inextricable between them- they love each other in ways that are painful. So they just submit to each other like Yes, finally something that feels strong enough. It’s like it’s soothing to express and receive each other’s needs, even as pain. It has to come out somehow.

-Dean says that the three of them are all he has and “sometimes I feel like I’m barely holding it together” Dean doesn’t let himself fall apart, and he wants to fall apart with Sam here, begging Sam to be careful with his life, to understand that he needs Sam. He’s saying Please don’t get hurt, I need you, I’m falling apart.

Sam could kiss him right now. Dean’s not holding it together enough to try pushing Sam away or protecting him from their feelings.

-Dean says “without you and dad, I-” and I think that Dean obviously loves and cares about John but the real issue is that he couldn’t say “without you, I-” on network television because they would have just made out. The mention of their dad brings Sam back to himself. He turns away from Dean and lets go of him with what looks like some effort. Dean looks lost and he’s also still tilting his head up with his lips parted looking like Sam didn’t kiss him. Sam asks him to call John.

-This parallels when Dean told Sam to call Sarah in 1x19. Dean calls even though he’s still emotionally involved in the conversation with Sam and didn’t finish what he was saying. He’s just admitted something that was difficult for him, and Sam reacted by pulling away, distancing himself, exactly as Dean did when Sam admitted Jessica isn’t the main reason he’s not interested in anyone.

I’m a John-would-kill-Dean truther if he found out about anything untoward going on between his boys, so the mention of their Dad and the fact that he’s in danger would absolutely make Sam force himself away from Dean.

This specific dynamic of Sam pleading with Dean for something and Dean surrendering brokenly to Sam in a Please give it to me Please just take it loop where neither is willing to act makes me want to chew on my own ribcage.

[callofdutyma]

You'll always be Mikey to me

Sano Manjiro x Fem Reader

As you walked up to Mikey’s house, you couldn't help but feel nervous. Over a year ago, he pushed you away and you two broke up. You tried to live your life without him, but you just couldn't take it anymore. Raindrops pelted your face, and you wiped them away with the sleeve of your sweater. Suddenly, you saw him walking towards you from down the street, wearing his Kanto Manji Gang jacket. “What do you want?” he asked, his voice cold and distant. You felt a lump form in your throat, and you struggled to find the right words.

You take a deep breath, and finally speak up. “Hey Mikey.. it’s been awhile.” you say softly.

“Manjiro. Sano.” He said harshly in intervals. The name has become like poison on his tongue. He is no longer the one people called "Mikey”, not anymore. He stood like a statue, still as death, his expression stern and unfeeling. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, they were cold and hard. He spoke with the harshness of a stranger.

“Mikey.. I miss you.” You say, looking into his eyes.

“You miss Mikey.” He was visibly angry at the mention of his old name. That was the past, he is different now. “Mikey is gone.” He glared at you, his eyes filled with rage. He couldn't stand the mention of his old name anymore, it was like a reminder of everything he lost. His voice broke as he spoke, his anger rising.

“No he’s not.. I refuse to believe my Mikey is gone!” You say firmly.

“I said Mikey is gone! That’s final!” He yelled, his eyes blazing with fury. He was angry but his heart ached with pain. His eyes were full of sadness, he was hurting so much. He wanted to go back to the old days when everything was fine, when his family and friends were still with him, but that was the past and it was gone forever. He wanted to cry but he refused to show his weakness.

You jump back in surprise, startled by his yelling, but you stand your ground. You step closer to him and look at him intently, “but I still love you!” you plead.

He looks at you, his eyes still glaring with anger. He didn't know how to react to your words. He felt numb. He didn't understand why you would care about him anymore. He was different now. He was no longer the kind and gentle Mikey you once knew. He was cold, stoic, and distant. What reason could you possibly have to still love someone like him?

“Mikey..” You say in a quiet voice.

“Don’t call me Mikey!” He said, his voice still filled with anger and sadness. He was in pain, and he couldn't understand why your feelings had not changed. He was different now. He didn't think he deserved anyone's love anymore, but his heart yearned for it. He closed his eyes, fighting against his conflicting emotions.

“But you’re Mikey!” You shout in a pleading tone.

He could feel his heart breaking with each word you said. He wanted to scream and cry, but he had to be strong, for you and for himself.

“Please...don't do this. Please.” He begged while closing his eyes, trying to hide his tears. He couldn't let you see him like this. “Mikey is gone! He's dead. I'm Manjiro Sano. That's the only name you can call me now.” He said, his voice shaky, and his eyes full of pain.

“I don’t believe you!”

He sighed, “then let me show you, let me prove it.” He turned away from you and clenched his fists tightly, so tightly his knuckles became white. He was on the edge of breaking down, but he refused to show it. Instead, he opened his eyes wide and shouted to the sky. “I’M MANJIRO SANO!” He yelled. “MANJIRO SANO, NOT MIKEY!”

You dart to him and wrap your arms around him from behind, and he freezes, his heart pounding as he felt your touch. He could feel your warmth and your love. He wanted to turn, he wanted to say something to you, but he didn't know what to say. He felt trapped by his own pain. He wanted to hold you too, but he didn't know how. He just stood there, trying to catch his breath, trying not to cry.

You bury your face in his back and grip his jacket with your hands. “Mikey..”

His muscles relaxed, his hand clenched less tightly, and his eyes closed. He felt weak and vulnerable, but safe in your arms. He could feel your love, still there just as it was when you were together, but he wasn't Mikey anymore. The love he felt from you was hurting him even more, because now he knew that he couldn't return that love, like he wasn’t allowed to.

“Mikey.. do you not remember this? do you not remember when we’d embrace each other? do you not remember our love?” You say, trying to trigger something in him that’ll make him finally give in to you.

He stood in silence, and a tear streamed down his cheek, but you couldn’t see it as you were still hugging him from behind. He was shaking. He didn't want to remember. He wanted to forget everything. He wanted to forget you. He wanted to forget the pain and suffering he had caused everybody, including himself. “Please..” He whispered, "don’t make me remember. It hurts too much..”

“But that’s not fair!” You shout. “I love you Mikey! so much! so please, come back to me.”

Your words stung, and he hated himself for it. He didn't know how to respond to you, and he didn't know what to do. He was trapped between his love for you and his hatred for himself. “But I can't go back to you!” He yelled, trying to control his voice, but it broke as he shouted, “I'm not the same guy anymore!”

“I don’t care! Mikey.. I know you remember it.. I know you remember our love. Remember when you used to lay your head in my lap? and i’d play with your hair? or when we’d take rides on your motorcycle, you’d pull over at random places, and we’d sit on the seat of your bike and watch the stars.. don’t you remember those things?”

“I..” He swallowed, his voice breaking. He held back his tears, “yes.. I remember.. but..” he paused, “that was the old me.”

“Mikey..” You say, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Please!” He said, his voice shaking. “Don't call me that anymore, don't!” All the pain, all the memories, all the regret, everything came back to him like a flood of emotions. “I'm Manjiro Sano. I'm not that gentle boy anymore!” He yelled. “I'm a killer, an addict, a monster and a failure. But worst of all, I'm alone. So, please!” He paused, “don’t remind me of the old me anymore.”

“You’re not alone!”

“I am!” He yelled, his voice filled with anger and bitterness. “I have nobody anymore! I lost everything! I can't trust anyone anymore! and now, I can't even trust myself!” He couldn't hold it in anymore. He felt so weak. He wanted to sink to his knees, but he refused to show his weakness. His eyes filled with rage, and his fists clenched tightly.

“You’re not! you have me!”

He tried to pull away from you, but you held onto him tightly. He could feel your love and your warmth as you continued to hug him firmly from behind. He wanted to return your love, he wanted to return your affection, but he just couldn’t.

“I can't do that! I have nothing left!” He shouted, trying to free himself from your grasp but failing. “I'm a monster, I kill people, I'm addicted to drugs and I can't even look at myself anymore! I'm broken!”

You continue to hold onto him tightly despite him trying to pull away, your arms are wrapped around his waist tightly as you cling to him from behind.

“Please!” He shouted, his heart breaking. “Please let go of me!” He wanted you to let him go, but at the same time he wanted you to hold him tighter. He wanted to go back to you, to the happy times you had together, but he couldn't. He refused to believe that he could. He didn't want to believe he was still capable of being loved.

“No Mikey! I won’t!”

“Why? why do you still love me? why do you still care?!” He yelled at you desperately, his eyes wide and his heart breaking as he stared off into the distance. He couldn't understand why you still loved him, why you still cared after everything he did. He hurt you by leaving. He hurt everyone in Toman by disbanding them. He hurt himself with drugs, and he hurt everyone around him with his violence and rage. How could you still love a monster like him? and what has he done to deserve such love?

“Because I do! you’re the man I love and always will love Mikey.” You say, sounding sure of yourself.

“But.. but why?” He asked desperately. “Why do you still love me? I hurt you. I hurt so many people.” He paused for a moment, “i’m not Mikey anymore. I’m not your boyfriend anymore. He’s gone. I’m a monster. I hurt everyone. So please.”

“No! You’re Mikey! stop saying you’re not Mikey!”

“I’m not! I’m not Mikey anymore!” He yelled desperately as he struggled to break free from your embrace. “I'm Manjiro Sano now.” He shouted, trying to make it clear to you.

He didn't want you to love him. He wanted to keep you far away from him, to keep you safe from his dark world, but when he heard your voice and felt your touch, his heart broke. He was weak, so weak.

You grip him tighter and continue to bury your face in his back, taking in his familiar smell as tears pour down your cheeks.

He was still struggling to pull free from your embrace, but he could feel your tears against his back as you cried. He could feel your love and affection. He wanted to push you away, but at the same time he wanted to say something to you. He wanted to say "I love you too" but he couldn't. He didn't have the courage to do it. The pain was too much for him to bear. He could feel it in his heart. He was weak, and conflicted.

“Mikey..”

He couldn't hold back his tears anymore. “Don't call me that!” He choked out, “don’t...don't remind me of that. That was the past, I'm not him anymore.” He didn't want to remember those memories, but you reminded him of everything he had lost, everything he had given up. He felt helpless, broken, alone. But most of all, he felt like he still loved you.

You take your hand and grab his as you continue to hug him from behind, intertwining your fingers with his.

His entire body froze as you took his hand. When your fingers intertwined, his heart ached. He still loved you, and he hated it.

Your hand grips his tighter and you nuzzle firmer against him.

“No..” He said as you held him tightly. “I can’t do this.. No..” He wanted to pull away, but he couldn't bring himself to hurt you. Your touch was both soothing and painful. The pain of loosing you was still fresh in his mind, but now he wanted to touch you again. He wanted to kiss you again. He wanted to love you again. But the thought of it made his heart ache. How could he love you again? He didn't deserve it.

“Why Mikey.. Why?”

“Because.. i’m not good enough for you anymore. I don’t deserve your love,” he cried, “i’m not the Mikey you used to know. I’m not the guy you used to love, not anymore.”

“You’ll always be Mikey to me!” You shout.

He froze. You said those words, and something broke in him. He finally broke. He still loved you after all this time. He still wanted you. He wanted to return your love. He wanted to be with you again, but he didn't know what to say. He wanted to say "I love you" and kiss you, but he didn't have the courage to do it. He was weak, hurting, broken and afraid. "I know," he says, "but I can't love you anymore. I can't be the guy you love, not anymore..”

Those words cut deep. He said he couldn’t love you anymore, and that hurt. Your tears started flowing rapidly, “that’s not fair.. I can’t.. I can’t live without you.”

He felt so much pain hearing that, because he couldn’t live without you either. His whole body shook, he didn’t want to let you go. How can he abandon someone he loves so much.. again?

You release your grasp on him and pull away, his words cut you deep, and it pushed you to your limit. You didn’t know he was lying when he said that. “Fine. Manjiro. I’ll go then.” There it was, you finally said the name, and Mikey’s heart shattered to pieces. You turn and start walking away.

“No please.. I need you.” It was a whisper from his lips. A whisper you didn’t hear as you continued to walk away.

“NO!” He shouted as he rushed to catch up to you, grabbing you by your arm and pulling you close to him. He could feel your warm body against his as he grasped tightly to you. He wanted to kiss you. He wanted to say he loved you. He wanted to tell you everything. He lifted your chin to meet his gaze, “I can’t live without you either,” he said in a quiet voice, “and I still love you.”

Your eyes widen and you look up at him, “w-what?”

He looked deeply into your eyes and repeated himself, his voice barely above a whisper. “I...I love you. I always have.” He sighed, trying to get enough courage to kiss you. He wanted to kiss you the moment your face met, but he held himself back. He wanted you to say you loved him, and he wanted you to kiss him first. He could finally admit his love for you, but he couldn't act first. “I love you so much..” He said, his voice cracking, and barely audible as he fought back his tears.

“M-Mikey..”

“Kiss me.” His voice was a soft whimper as the word escaped his mouth. It was like a plea, a cry for your help. He wanted you to make the first move, because he couldn't do it alone. He wanted you to kiss him, because then he’d have the courage to kiss you again. He wanted your lips, your touch. He wanted everything about you. He wanted everything from before.

You grab his cheeks with both of your hands and pull his face down to kiss him. His whole body froze when your lips met. He could feel your love, your affection. He could feel everything he had before. A rush of emotions hit him like a tornado, and his eyes were filled with tears as he returned the kiss. It felt like a miracle, like a dream come true. It was him and you, and he felt like a human again. He returned your love and held you tight, his hands grasping you as he poured his emotions into this one kiss. The passion and intensity you’ve always shared was still there, as strong as ever.

He poured his love in each kiss, his hands roaming your back and hips as his body moved with yours. You moan softly, “Mikey.”

“I missed you.” He said between kisses. He could feel the passion growing between them; he craved more, and hearing you moan his name pushed him further. He couldn't control himself anymore, he wanted more than just your love. He wanted you, your body, and he wanted to make you his again. He kissed you harder and faster.

“I missed you too Mikey, so much.” You say in between the kisses, your breath heavy.

He pulled away from your lips, his breath shaky as he looked at you. He could feel your love for him again, and it felt so damn good. “I need you..” He let out a heavy breath. “I need you right now..”

“Take me.. Mikey.” You gaze into his eyes, your expression mixed with pure love and desire.

His hands gripped your waist and he picked you up in his arms. He took you inside his house and to his bedroom. He walked towards the bed and laid you down. He climbed on top of you, his body touching yours. His heart was pounding, his body was trembling, but his mind was steady. All he could think about was you, your love, your touch. He wanted to give it to you again, he wanted to make you his again. He didn't care about anything anymore. He didn't care about the consequences, he didn't care about himself. He only wanted to give it to you. To take out these intense feelings of love on your body.

“Mikey.”

“Shhh...” He said, his voice heavy with desire. His breath was shaky with excitement as he kissed your neck. He pressed his lips against your skin and started kissing you intensely. He could feel your body against his, every inch of it. He pressed his body even firmer against you. He didn't want to waste any part of it. He moved his lips towards your ear, kissing it. He grabbed your wrists and pinned them up near your head, and looked at you with an expression full of desire and lust.

You bite your lip and blush up at him.

“You're so damn cute.” He whispered as he kissed your cheek. He grabbed your chin, lifting your head until he looked directly into your eyes, his soft blond hair falling around your face. He could feel the love between you, the love that would never fade away. “Do you remember what I said?” He asked, his voice heavy with love. “I said I needed you right now. That I wanted you right now.”

You nod, and your body tingles. “I remember.”

“And now I'm gonna take what I need.” He whispered as he leaned down and kissed your lips again, his lips hungry for yours. His hands moved down your body, his breath shaky and his mind clouded from the desire he felt. He grips the hem of your shirt and pulls it off of you. Then he moves down to the waistline of your pants, pulling them off. He spreads your legs and starts trailing kisses up your thigh, and you moan softly. He bites his lip as he moves his face up, and gives a kiss to your panty covered slit. You gasp at the sudden contact, and he continues to kiss you through your panties, “mm” he moans. He starts sucking your clit through your panties, and your eyebrows tilt up as you take a handful of his blond hair, gripping onto it. He lets out a muffled groan, “god I missed this.” He says in a breathy voice. “I wanna make you feel good again. I wanna taste you again.”

You nod; giving him permission. He bites his lip again and pulls off your panties, letting out a heavy breath as he moves his face back down. He quickly encloses his mouth over your slit, and he lets out a low muffled moan. “Mmm, you taste exactly how I remembered.” He licks down your slit and slides his tongue in your entrance for a moment, then pulls it back out and licks back up your slit. You moan as he starts licking and biting your clit, each flick of his tongue and each nibble sending waves of pleasure through you. He sucks your clit, then he starts stimulating your whole vulva with his mouth. He sucks on your pussy lip, and then gives wet kisses to your slit, causing you to cry out in pleasure. He then encloses his whole mouth over your vulva and starts motor-boating it in a sensual way. You arch your back, pushing yourself firmer against his mouth, and he lets out a little moan and a chuckle. He now licks up and down your clit and all around your vulva, his pressure is perfect, not too hard, not too soft. You could feel a knot growing within you, and your moans became louder. He flattens out his tongue against your clit and starts flicking it from left to right, and you were now getting close. “You like that baby girl?” He asks in his usual chirpy voice.

You nod, “mhm.. i’m so close Mikey.” You moan, and your body starts to twitch against him as you grip his hair harder. He moans at your words, then he hardens his tongue and flicks it more frantically, “that’s it baby, feel good for me.”

Your body shoots up and your back arch’s as you climax, your lower body twitching against him. He holds his mouth in place over your vulva, not moving, just letting you cum against his mouth. He lets out deep muffled whimpers against your pussy as you cum, and his length throbs in his pants.

He moves his mouth down a little to your entrance, where he slurps up your juices. “Fuck yeah baby, you’re so tasty.” He says as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

Mikey gives you a quick kiss on the lips before he gets off the bed and stands up. He unbuttons his jacket and begins to undress, and you can't help but watch in awe. He lets his gang jacket fall to the floor, and he smiles at you as he takes off his shirt and reveals his muscular upper body. You feel your heart skip a beat as he then unbuckles his belt and unbuttons his pants, letting them fall off and kicking them to the side. You can't help but feel a rush of desire as you gaze at him, the moonlight shining in through the window casts a soft glow on his muscular upper body and legs, making him look even more striking and handsome. His blond hair is slightly messy, adding to his rugged and masculine charm.

He looks at you with a playful grin, the familiar grin he’d always give you, and you know your Mikey is really back. “You’re looking at me like a lovesick puppy. You sure you can handle all of this?” He says, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, I can handle you just fine.. but you know that already.” You grin.

Mikey lets out a chuckle, “I sure do.” He says as he steps closer to you, and you can see his hardness through his boxers. You sit up and raise a hand to start stroking him through the fabric, and he lets out a low moan. You slip your fingers under the waistband of his boxers and pull them off of him. He lets them drop and kicks them to the side, his muscular legs and abs flexing with the movement. You wrap your small and soft hand around his length, and he moans at the touch.

You slowly begin stroking him, and he moans again softly. You bring your thumb to his tip, and rub it in gentle circles, causing him to hiss in pleasure, the sensitivity driving him wild with desire. “Oh god baby.” He moans.

You take a hold of Mikey's shaft and lean in closer. You lick up his length, causing him to shudder and let out a deep breathy moan. You soften your tongue against his tip and draw circles over it, causing his dick to twitch with how hard he was getting. “Oh fuck.” He says in a breathy voice. You take his tip in your mouth, and give it a gentle suck. Mikey’s eyebrows furrow in pleasure, “oh.. oh shit.”

His hand grips the back of your head, and his dick continues to pulse. You take his full length in your mouth, creating suction with your lips. His tip grazes the back of your throat, and he lets out a breathy whimper. His whimpers are high pitched, matching his usual chirpy voice.

You begin sucking him, moving your head in a cork-screw motion. “Hnnh! oh god baby..” He says and bites his lip. You take him as deep as possible with every suck, letting his tip continuously hit against the back of your throat. His eyebrows tilt up, and he lets out a “hah” sounding whimper.

“Want me to suck harder?” You say.

Mikey’s dick twitches at your words, “yeah, holy shit, yeah, you know I do baby.” He says, his breath hitched.

You speed up and create as much suction as you can, Mikey’s whimpers become more frantic, and his moans more desperate. He lets out continuous high-pitched and needy sounding moans, “nnnh, hnnh,” he moans with every suck, and the sounds he makes causes your pussy to throb. He lets out a breathy and whimpery “fuck” then another “nnh fuck” in his chirpy voice.

As you continue to suck, you begin grazing your tongue over his tip with each motion, and he lets out even higher pitched whimpers. He could feel himself getting close, “oh yeah.. nnh.. oh fuck.. oh.. fuck..” You take your hand and start gently caressing his balls, and his eyes widen, “oh shit.. baby.. oh shit..” You speed up your sucking, and he lets out frantic hiccupy moans as he releases inside of your mouth, he holds your head in place and his body twitches, “nnh! fuck.. fuck!”

You take in every last drop and swallow, feeling the warm liquid caressing your throat. You let out a muffled moan, your mouth full.

He releases his grip on your head, and you pull your mouth off of him. You look up at him and lick your lips with a grin, and he shakes his head at you with a smirk, “you’re naughty, so naughty.” He says as he pushes you on your back gently and gets on the bed to lean over you. He looked at you with pure love and lust in his eyes, he’s so in love with you, and he needs to express his love, so badly, he needs to take out these intense feelings on your body.

“I’m your man,” he breathed, “and you’re my girl. You’re mine, and only mine.”

“You’re my Mikey.” You say, returning his gaze.

“Always. I'll always be your Mikey.” He said as he kissed your neck. “I love you, I need you, just as much now as I did before.”

He grabs his length and positions his tip to your entrance, he couldn’t hold back his lust for you any longer. He slides himself in, and he lets out a prolonged moan as he takes in your walls. His mind was clouded. He could finally have you again. He could feel every part of you again. You were his, and you never stopped being his. He wasn’t gonna let you go ever again.

You moan softly, the feeling of being filled by him made your body hot with desire. “I love you Mikey.” You say, your breath hitched.

“I love you too.” He said in a gentle voice, before trailing kisses down your neck. His hand gripped your hips, and he started thrusting in and out of you. He licks and nibbles the skin on your neck as his thrusts speed up, his tip grazing your sweet spot with each one. “I need you,” his words were breathy and desperate, “I want you.”

“Then have your way with me.”

“Oh, I will.” He whispered, his breath shaky with excitement. His mind was filled with so many emotions, from love to lust. He couldn't contain himself anymore, as he then started pounding into you fast and hard.

You moan and bite your lip, and Mikey lets out a whimpery grunt with each thrust. His lips meet yours, his tongue plunging into your lips. Words can’t describe the passion you two share, and how much your bodies crave each other, it’s always been this way.

You moan and then speak in a quiet and breathy voice, “I knew my Mikey wasn’t gone.”

His mind cleared when he heard that, your voice sending a jolt of electricity through him. “I'm not gone, baby.” He said between moans as he moved faster and deeper. “I’ll never be gone anymore. Not as long as you're with me..”

Tears form in your eyes from the pleasure and his words. He gazes at you and brings his thumb up to catch your tear from falling. He loved you, he loved you so damn much.

He smacks his body into you even harder and deeper, and you moan louder. Mikey’s grunts turn to full on whimpers as his thrusts become sloppy. His body trembled from the pleasure, and he could feel himself getting close. He moans desperately, and his facial expression sends a jolt of heat directly to your groin. His eyebrows are tilted up, his blond hair is sticking to his face slightly from sweat, his mouth is parted and he has a needy look on his face. Your eyes glimmer at the sight, god this man is beautiful.

His whimpers become more loud and high pitched as he chases down his orgasm, and your walls pulsate around him as you chase down yours as well. The frequent squeezes of his length make him cry out in pleasure, and he lets out a whiny “fuck” as you both cum.

He spills every last drop inside of you, and then hisses as he gently pulls out. He gazes down at you, panting, and rests his forehead against yours. “God I missed you baby..” He says in a gentle voice.

“I missed you too.” You say softly. “Don’t leave me ever again.. don’t push me away ever again.”

“I won’t, I promise.” He collapsed beside you and pulled you close, wrapping you in his arms.

“You won’t throw Mikey away again?” You say.

“Never.” He said, he could never lie to you. “I’ll always be your Mikey. I loved you then, I love you now, and I’ll always love you. You were always my girl. You never stopped being my girl. Not for a moment.”

Tears form in your eyes and stream down your cheeks. You look up at him as you lay your head on his chest. He wipes your tears and kisses you on the forehead. “My baby.” He said as he looked down at you. You were finally his again. The only love he could ever want in his life, the only girl he could ever love. His mind couldn't help but remember all the nights he had spent alone, cold and empty. He had been empty for so long, forcing himself to stay away from you. You look up at him with pure love in your eyes, and he grabs a handful of your hair, smelling it. You smile up at him, and he returns the smile.

Mikey’s eyes catch the moonlight shining in through the window, and an idea comes to his mind. “How about a late night motorcycle ride?” he says in his usual chirpy voice, smirking.

You feel a thrill of excitement at the thought, and you nod your head eagerly. You both get up and get dressed, then you both head outside to the motorcycle.

You feel the cool breeze on your skin. It's a mild night, and the stars twinkle in the sky above you.

As Mikey sits on the bike and starts it up, you feel a sense of nostalgia wash over you. You climb on the back, the sound of the engine filling your ears, and you can't help but smile at the memory of all the times you've ridden together. You really missed the sound of Mikey's CB250T, it's like music to your ears. The bike rumbles to life, and you wrap your arms around him. You feel his muscles tense under your touch, and you hold on tight as he takes off. The wind whips through your hair, and you feel alive and free.

Mikey looks at you in the rearview mirror, taking in how beautiful you looked right now. The moonlight shines down on you, highlighting your features and making you glow. Your hair whips around your face, and your smile lights up the night. His eyes glimmer at the sight of you, and he can’t help but smile.

Mikey focuses his eyes back on the road, and after a long ride, he pulls over at a secluded spot and turns off the engine. He looks at you with a smile, “wanna watch the stars? like old times?” he asks. You feel your heart swell with happiness and nostalgia, “i’d love to.” you say.

You both sit on the seat of his bike, staring up at the night sky. He wraps his arms around you tightly, and you both feel at peace, grateful to have each other again.

[littlebitsmile]

in flames [C.L.] | Chapter V

This is it, finally. With this chapter, we kick off the 2024 season and Emma takes part in her first official F1 race in Bahrain. I'm really excited about going forward with this, hopefully you are too.

Enjoy this chapter, breathe it in, feel it in your heart xx

story: in flames driver: Charles Leclerc [C.L.] trope: #haterstolovers summary: Always working three times as hard as everyone else, Emma does not intend to blow her chance of driving among the best of the best in her very first season in Formula 1. Concentrating on first and foremost getting ahead of her brother, she does not even notice that there are some people even in her own team who think she does not deserve this spot and would rather see her fail. And one driver in particular seems to have a need of always reminding her of that.

────ʚ C H A P T E R V ɞ────

"How exactly does this work here?" I ask, while two screens of light shine directly into my face and three or four cameras are pointed at me. A makeup artist is just powdering the last of the anxious sweat on my forehead dry, and a young man is sitting opposite me with a script in his hand. Probably the same one that was sent to me two weeks ago.

"You introduce yourself with your name, which team you drive for, and then I'll ask you a few questions. Easy cheesy lemon squeezy," he replies without looking up from his script.

I can't deny that I'm afraid of messing something up. I still regularly attend the social media training sessions run by Aston Martin's PR department, but Netflix's Drive to Survive team is probably in a whole different league. At least most of the drivers have already warned me about it.

Someone shouts "30 seconds," and suddenly the room empties. The lights are still blinding, and apart from the camera lenses and three-quarters of the interviewer's face, I can't really see much. Just a dark room, almost as if I were the suspect in a murder case and was being questioned - creepy.

I'm handed a film flap with my name, my team, and "Take 1" written on it. I hold it up in front of me and wait for the interviewer's hand signal.

"Hi!" I wave at the camera. "My name is Emma Verstappen, I'm turning 21 this year, and I'm driving for Aston Martin as a rookie in my first Formula 1 season."

"Cut!" A little bit of shuffling around echoes through the room. "That's great, Emma. You're doing good!"

"Thanks, I'm trying my best. Do you need that again or...?" My voice goes up half an octave towards the end of the sentence, unintentionally.

"Ah, no, thanks! But you can answer a question for me directly! How does it feel to sit in this chair?"

"Honestly, like I've been accused." I laugh nervously into the camera. A montage of the last six seasons of the show plays in my mind's eye - almost as if my brain is warning me not to say the wrong thing or get emotional.

"Don't worry, the jury found not guilty. For now, at least." A brief pause as he flicks through his question pad and finally stops at a page. "Emma, when you think about the coming year, what do you feel?"

"You're not the first to ask me that, what do you think my answer will be?" I raise my eyebrows. After his interview, Max gave me the advice to be as detached as possible. Don't stir up drama. Don't take shots at other drivers. Then I take two breaths and continue: "This is a huge year, not only for me, but also for my team. Aston Martin has made a huge bet by putting me in one of their cockpits. But I have no intention of making them regret it."

"Completely understandable! Do you feel comfortable in your team? It was actually very surprising that you didn't end up with your brother's team, Oracle Red Bull Racing! Would you like to tell us briefly how that came about?"

"Well, you probably all know Max, and you don't know me, but let me tell you, even though I love him and he's my brother... we would need some more time to get acquainted with the feeling of being stuck in a team together. Our mom could tell you that as well - everywhere Max and I are involved, there is trouble to follow." I answer honestly. What I don't say is that Max didn't speak to me for a week and a half after I turned down Red Bull's offer to be a test driver for this season. That I had to explain to him almost every hour why the match with Fernando Alonso works better for me at the moment and that later, after I've proven myself, we can drive together until we're old and gray.

"Emma? Are you still there?" The interviewer waves his hand vigorously in front of my face. I apologize and ask him to repeat the question.

"As you know, some contracts are coming to an end this year, and that's why there are a few places with big teams that have been in high demand for years. With Lewis moving from Mercedes to Ferrari and some contracts expiring, for example, Sergio Perez at Red Bull - are you speculating on one of them?"

I have to think for a moment, do some soul-searching. Do I even want to join a big team? Is "Formula 1 World Champion" at the top of my list of dreams? Then I answer: "As a driver, every week you're fighting for your seat, especially this season. It's no longer about where I stand in the world rankings, but rather about the potential I bring with me. I am convinced that I will find my way - regardless of my brother, Red Bull, or anyone else. Where this path will ultimately take me... I don't think anyone really knows."

-

"Two more laps, Emma," Sarah orders over the team radio. She still doesn't speak much, but at least the radio communication works well. Will I ever have as much fun with her as I did with Enzo? Probably not.

"Copy."

I say copy, but what I really mean is I hate you. Forty-five laps under the desert sun of Bahrain, drops of sweat evaporating in my racesuit and making the fabric stick to my skin. I've been trying to suppress my thirst for half an eternity. At least the heat is now my only problem. During the first few test laps, I had to mentally remind myself several times that throwing up in a new car doesn't make a good impression - especially not on the official first day of work. That moment when you're standing at the end of the pit lane waiting to get the final go. In the first corners while hitting the brakes for the first time, my head got put back against the headrest, body compressed. It felt like my heart was going to give up at any moment.

Pre-season testing is the first chance to see if what my team spent the whole year designing is actually going to work. So far, the car feels great - a few comments here and there about oversteer, the right braking behavior, and the optimal line, but at least I'm not a total failure. At least, I hope I'm not.

Fernando has already completed laps in the three-digit range yesterday and this morning combined. I happen to be put in the same test window as Max. I didn't think long about whether this was perhaps intentional, so that we could compare ourselves better, but after the first few laps, the thought crept into my head and wouldn't let go.

As I return to the pit lane faster than expected and the engineering team pushes the car and me back into the garage, I realize that I'm still holding my breath. I take off the steering wheel, release the headrest, and squeeze out of the tight seat. A few mechanics murmur "Good job!" or pat me on the back, but no one says a word. I exhale. Then I look at the car again. Standing right in front of it while the green of the bodywork hits me - an indescribable feeling.

"You know I'm your biggest critic, but that was a good performance today. We can work with that," says Sarah as she comes to a halt next to me and compares graphs on her clipboard. She looks at me from the side, then glances at the car and back at me. "This is your car, you better believe it."

I laugh and nod. "Thank you, Sarah. I don't think that was such a bad practice. There's still plenty to do." As I start to speak, I take off my helmet, finally remove the hearing protection from my other ear, and walk towards my cabin in the back of the garage. Sarah is hot on my heels. "I feel like I have to turn the steering wheel a bit more on the right-hand bends... but maybe it's just because the right-hand bends are a bit faster than I originally thought. I don't feel the headwind as much as I did in the wind tunnel, you can really feel the aerodynamic adjustments on the sides straight away. Do you think I can do one or two laps, just running around the track tomorrow before the start of training? I feel like I don't have every corner completely under control yet and..."

"Emma," Sarah tries to interrupt me, but I keep talking. Unlike me, she is at a loss for words and never let me finish my thoughts during our first few weeks. But this is about our car, about the points, about moving forward and not standing still. I carry on talking impartially.

"...maybe I can have a quick word with Fernando tomorrow? I'd like the front end to be a little sharper, at the moment we still have a lot of leeway - only if it's okay with him."

"Emma."

"Hm?" Now I'm paying attention.

"You're in fifth place at the moment."

"Wow, I didn't think so. That's good news, isn't it?"

"Max is in P6," she says slowly, smiles and then leaves me standing alone in the corridor. My water bottle almost falls out of my hand. I turn around quickly and call after her.

"Hey! You can't just say something like that and then disappear," but she's already around the corner and isn't paying any more attention to me. Has she just smiled for the first time since I met her? And that makes me almost more nervous than the fact that I have beaten my brother for the first time.

-

I'm not that lucky over the next few days of pre-season testing. But the high from my first day of practice on the track carries me through the week like clouds, before we even get to the first three free practices. I stay in the top 10 during the practice sessions that are part of the race weekend, but I seem to have completely lost my groove in qualifying. Starting from 12th on the grid, neither I nor my team are particularly enthusiastic about my performance, and this contributes to the fact that I don't get much sleep the night before the actual race.

I also have to attend several photo shoots in between - not just from my own team but also the official ones. For the first time, I get placed in an all-male field of riders, which is why I am allowed to stand in the middle of the so-called "class of 2024"-picture this year. That is more than awkward for me, but in that respect I will probably have to get used to not being allowed to have a say. On this occasion, I also try to spend more time with my brother, firstly to get some first hand insider advice and secondly to get to know the people he gets on well with.

Carlos Sainz, who tried to persuade me at all costs to go and celebrate with the group before my first race - as a season opener – immediately melts my heart. When I thankfully declined, he laughed and told me not to worry so much - after all, the Verstappen gene is in me too. I didn't mention that I wasn't so sure about that. At the same time, I wish him all the luck in the world - after all, he is currently without a seat for 2025. Secretly, I hope that he achieves better results than Charles, but of course I'm not allowed to say that out loud.

I also have time for a game of paddle tennis with Max, Fernando, Lando Norris, and Daniel Ricciardo - none of them seem to care that I've never held a tennis racket in my life, let alone a paddle tennis racket. On the contrary, each of them patiently explains their way of playing to me, until at some point I'm sure that each of them has at least slipped me some false information so that I don't turn out to be a sudden natural talent.

Unfortunately, all these distractions have not helped to reduce the pressure. The pressure from my father, who follows every Instagram post with excitement and then asks me whether I can really afford to play paddle tennis with Max and whether he missed the fact that I already have a World Drivers' Champions title in my pocket, which would explain why I would think that some free time is something I am allowed to have. The pressure from my team, whose hopes are mainly pinned on Fernando, but a driver duo consists of two people and not everyone is convinced that this is the right place for me. So I continue to sleep uneasily.

-

Before the race starts, I march up and down in the garage with a pulse of just under 130. Outside, I see fans running past, taking their seats, while the structure of the course burns in a continuous loop in my mind. It feels like I remind myself every five minutes that I shouldn't pick at my fingernails and instead find my focus. Max wished me good luck as I left the hotel, and he meant it, but that's easy to say when you start from pole position and have literally nothing to loose.

I overhear Sarah being interviewed somewhere, but unfortunately, I can't quite make out who it is from the voice. The walls here are so thin that I can hear every little movement of the technicians on the car, so I'm not surprised that I overhear conversations that aren't really meant for my ears. Only the interviewer's question burns itself into my head: Do you think you put too much faith in someone who is still so young?

I immediately shake my head, grab my helmet and water bottle, and make my way to my car. There I high-five one or two mechanics and then squeeze into the seat of my car. The cable for the radio connection on my left shoulder is connected to the car, someone plugs in my steering wheel, and the crew slowly removes the heaters from the tires. I wrap my fingers around the steering wheel, squeeze harder, and then let go again. Sitting here feels right, just like the pedals under the soles of my feet and the muffled sounds that can’t quite reach my ears. I try to find my focus and go over the route again in my head. Too much faith in someone who is still so young. The colleague in front of my car gives me the signal to rev the engine and drive out of the garage. Then I'm pushed to the starting grid.

The next few minutes fly by. The impressions of the last few days, the ups and downs, the conversations with other drivers, but also the phone calls with my father and his criticism - everything is buzzing around in my head without having an outlet for it. My body is tense at every turn and I'm literally clutching the piece of metal between my hands. I keep counting to ten in my head and tell myself that everything will be fine, no matter where I end up today - at least that's what I try to tell myself.

The signal is given for the last call to leave the start area. I get some last looks before my team makes its way towards the pit lane.

"Let's go, Emma," says Sarah through the microphone. I nod, even though I'm aware that she can't see me. My brain empties completely during the warm-up lap. Quicker than I'd like, I'm back in my starting position and looking towards the traffic lights. I feel nothing, think nothing. This is the first race of the season and nothing has been won or lost yet. All the cards have been reshuffled and we can only really say how the cars will actually perform afterward. The first lights turn red. Red. Red. Red. Red. And then the lights go out, and my foot presses down on the gas pedal. This is the official start of the 2024 season.

────ʚ [Masterlist] [Chapter IV] [Chapter VI (in progress)] ɞ────

Tags: @cmleitora @alliwantisadonut

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Katara comforts Aang when he found gyasto dead and lost appa =momtara /emotional labor aang is obviously an abuser

Mai not comforting Zuko in awakening in a way that makes him happy =abusive girlfriend she should have comforted zuko better, because she can totally get rid of his guilt over iroh and katara could do it better.. despite us its toxic how she has she to comfort aang

Zutaras: having logic and not having double standards , not possible

And don't forget:

Katara always speaking her mind even when people think she's wrong/obnoxious/stupid for it, going against Pakku for saying what she can or cannot be, and not letting Zuko get away with being a dick to her or others: Girlboss! Feminist icon! Deserved so much better than the (perfectly happy) ending she got in canon!

Mai always speaking her mind even people think she's wrong/obnoxious/stupid for it, resenting her parents and Azula for saying what she can or cannot be, and not letting Zuko get away with being a dick to her or others: What a selfish, petty, self-centered, ignorant, cold-hearted, sociopathic bitch! Can't believe the show let her get away with this shit!

Katara showing compassion and empathy for Zuko and offering to heal his scar even after he spent months chasing her and her friends around the world, with the explicit intention of capturing one of said friends and keep him hostage forever/kill him, and to help his nation continue to oppress the rest of the world: Such a kind, wise character! Such a lovely, meaningful moment!

Mai saving Zuko's life even after he broke up with her through a letter because he was one of the few people that liked her for who she was/would not abuse his power over her like Azula does: God, what a pathetic loser that throws her whole life away for a guy.

Kataang and Maiko PDA: Obnoxious, forced and stupid.

Zuko tying Katara to a tree/Katara touching Zuko's scar with the explicit intention of healing it, nothing more than that: such a hot/tender, intimate moments that show how much chemistry these two characters have!

Zuko getting violent and snapping at Mai because some guy she did not even pay attention to seemed to be into her, then trying to make a move on her after she literally shouted "LEAVE ME ALONE!": How dare MAI be such a bad girlfriend! Zuko deserves better!

Aang kissing Katara after she said she isn't sure how she feels, immediately regreting it: What an entitled, abusive creep!

Zuko nearly dying to save Katara's life: The most romantic thing in the world!

Aang giving up absolute power because he had a vision of Katara being captured: Why is he so OBSESSED? This is not romantic!

Zuko choosing to support his imperialist, racist nation that he just heard deeply traumatized Katara by killing her mother: He is madly in love with Katara and fiercely protective of her. Sourse "trust me, bro."

Aang temporarely letting go of Katara because if he doesn't they're all gonna die: See? He doesn't actually care about her! It's all there in the canon!

Katara healing Zuko, saving his life, and him being very grateful to her for it: How beautiful! Best scene of the entire show!

Katara healing Aang, bringing him back from the dead, and him being very greateful to her for it: She's not your personal doctor, you asshole! What an abusive, unequal dynamic!

Zuko not seeming to remember Katara's existence outside of "girl that travels with the Avatar" for 5/6 of the show: Totally doesn't mean he is not in love with her! Why do people call this ship fanon?

Zuko breaking up with Mai because he'll be going on a dangerous mission he felt would not be fair to drag her into, and smiling like a dork just because he got a chance to talk about her: He CLEARLY doesn't love her! Why does anyone like them as a couple?

Zuko needing emotional support very frequently because he is a victim of verbal, psychological and physical abuse: Poor thing! He deserves someone who loves and understands him!

Aang needing emotional support very frequently because nearly everyone he knew and loved died suddenly, he is struggling with survivor's guilt, and now shoulders the burden of needing to save the whole world despite being just a kid: God, what a baby, grow up!

Zuko being an imperialist prince for most of his life and betraying Katara in Ba Sing Se, leading to the death of one of her friends: He is a completely innocent child that indoctrinated into thinking these things were fine! The adults are to blame! Katara really can't hold any of this against him!

Sozin choosing to kill every air-nomad and start a war, and Azulon then choosing to order the raids on the Southern Water Tribes: Does this mean Kya's death was Aang's fault? It think it does. If only this 12-year-old that was not even a fully powered Avatar yet had not freaked out after nearly everyone around him disregarded his wants and needs completely! Such a selfish, awful character that never faces any consequences for anything! How could Katara ever be friends with him, let alone date him?

[delusionalblfan]

finally!!! had the sanest (kinda) and greatest idea to watch wandee goodday. Won't even talk about characters that make want to puke, and won't even name them because...worthless. i will talk about the good ones

Yak is the greenest of green flags, and fine as hell and that smile he has for Dee is TO DIE FOR. But his scars are engraved so deeply and yet he can still be so concerned about others, their well being and be such an amazing human being. And he needs to do things for his family, he has that need to know that he also provides for them and that he is not only the son but also a grown man. and he also has that family boxing-champion weight on him, and the need to show that he can do it but not believing he will achieve it. Whilst this is happening, he also wants to do things he likes. So he is living with, i believe, mental/psychological obstacles or difficulties. So he really needs all the care and love to be freed of those demons and just be happy

Dee is so damn cute i swear i am going crazy every time he smiles (Inn you are so beautiful!!!) and even more with his face when Yak kisses his cheeks!! He is also scarred but he most likely did or does therapy, so his scars are there but more healed. And he really needed to watch that clip of his parents, so another green flag raised for Yak and his intentions. He is work focused but also balances it with other responsibilities and pleasure, which is healthy. And i am happy he is out of that doctor's wing so even at work he can be more himself and do his researches based in what he likes more. I hope he keeps granny for years and years and i believe he will feel he has a family in Yak's one, and he needs it. He needs that proximity, he needs siblings, parent figures, more people to tell him he his good and he does good. Because this man deserves it

(and a shout out to Yak and Dee for going for it because they just wanted to f each other and that gives them pleasure and they are grown consent adults)

Kao is the epitome of friendship and i really appreciate his efforts to help others mentally. And he is so light in his explanation, in his way of explaining things. He just wants a person to understand their own self and couples to understand each other, and wants people to voice out what they like or dislike and want or don't want, and to navigate their sexuality until they find harmony. And that's so beautiful!! People should not be ashamed of it if they are not harming anyone and are seeking happiness. So please someone come to understand this man becuse he wants love and he deserves it (and these goofy silly toys are a very welcoming comic detail)

Cher really has a mom spirit and i love him for having that role in their family. he always sticks by Yei's side but also always tries to keep the peace within the group. Even in those moments he his scared, jealous, or doubt he is so composed, emotionally stable and very empathic. He always tries to understand the other person even if they omitted something or lied. C'mon his boyfriend has been antagonising aunt Nipa for years and even living with this tension, Cher keeps his mind open and does not judge neither of them. But he also adverts when someone is out of line. He does not create drama and does not impose, yet he has a very clear role in the family and that means Respect. Love love love him

Yei i is a dad, very exigent but with a big heart and doing everything for his family and for his brother that he loves very much but also feels the obligation to take care of. I believe he had little time, and very remote in his memory, as a son. Which is very sad. He was a boxer, then a champion then a father figure and a provider. So Yei is also very broken and in desperate need of parent love and parent figures, and that aches in a very specific spot in my heart. So yes i love him very much and want to hug him very tightly

Taem is fortunately a very normal human being with emotions and needs but also common sense, sanity and judgment so she does not opt to impose her needs on others and does not sulk because things did not went her way. And she does accept things as they are because that's life and you don't always get what you want even more when you have been avoiding that same thing

and yes Grandma is awesome, a very much needed character and she is also my idol so please keep her safe.

[wordsandrobots]

I just don't get it.

I've been dwelling all day on the times I've seen someone claim/state that the characterisation in Iron-Blooded Orphans Season 2 is inconsistent with Season 1 and I still can't understand how people get to that conclusion. Clearly they do. But everything about S2 reads to me as a really straightforward acceleration of the flaws established in S1, and we know from the writing side, the intention was always to have this end in tragedy, even if the timescale changed. (Which, to be clear, is something I think was entirely to the show's benefit, allowing for a midway 'hope spot' where everything works out by the skin of its teeth, driving everyone to greater levels of reckless confidence.)

Most of the major personality rug-pulls happen by the time we hit the build-up to the climax of S1. We go from seeing Orga in his element -- the charismatic, clever military leader taking control of a miserable situation for the sake of his comrades -- to seeing what he's like in the wider world -- winging it, latching on to new ideas like a limpet, chasing the biggest rewards as fast as he can -- to seeing what's underneath it -- his awe/fear of Mika, his inability to do what's smart in the face of what his friends want, and the way he crumbles under the weight of casualties before stubbornly keeping onwards in an effort to turn the loss into a meaningful sacrifice. There is a straight line from the Dort Colonies where Orga gets pressured into becoming involved, to the point everyone insists on going after Jasley, to what happens in the middle of the battle with the Arianrhod Fleet. It's practically the same scene three times over with the desperation on Orga's face dialled up each time.

Same for the others. Despite his light-hearted presentation, Shino is deeply affected by his friends' deaths and commits himself to fighting so they don't have to, ego driving him to do reckless shit that doesn't quite work. Gaelio is a prideful dick who, while he has various good instincts, ultimately acts based on his emotional reactions alone. Hell, Mikazuki is literally introduced firing a gun that knocks him clean off his feet, his body too frail to withstand the violence he's committing on behalf of Orga, who watches with a mix of terror and amazement, that morphs into a teeth-clenched determination to keep going -- because what else do you do when faced with *that* level of devotion at your command?

McGillis is the only one where I can kind of grasp why it would seem inconsistent, because the reveals about the exact shape of his past are left to the back half of S2, and the twist that he was rooting his entire world-view in childish mythology is (deliberately) dissonant with his ruthless manipulation of the rest of the cast. But, like -- he treats Tekkadan as this amazing, miraculous event from the word go. He is heavily invested in imagery (around them, around Kudelia, around the Gundams) and waffles on endlessly about the Calamity War. His wearing of a mask is explicitly framed as playing dress-up, in which he takes a giddy delight. The revelations set all this in a new light, sure. They're hardly inconsistent with it. Not in a show chock full of people caught up in their own ideas about other people and what a better world would mean.

My point is, Iron-Blooded Orphans is about messed-up people in shitty situations making actively terrible life choices because they're trapped inside the event horizons of their own trauma. It is about everyone crushed by indifferent systems of power, shouting loud and proud that they are human beings with hopes and dreams and loves and fears, and smashing them to pieces regardless because that is what *happens* in an unjust world. It runs on its characters' flaws, like any good tragedy, on their flawed reactions to the very real problems they struggle against. Season 2 is an escalating series of runaway trains, each crisis shaping the reaction to the next in worse and worse ways. I could spend ages breaking down how it goes from Tekkadan at the peak of its ability to brazen through problems on sheer guts, to their strength actively working against them even when they are saving the world with it, to where it ends, a tragic, bittersweet peace that, as cynically as it could be read, still contains small triumphs.

At no point does it seem to me to be anything less than extremely clear and consistent about what it is saying. I've had people comment on my fic saying I've fixed the characterisation for them, and I have to state openly, that is not what I thought I was doing! I'm just taking what I saw in the series and extrapolating from it. There *are* parts where I've added stuff, to fill in the gaps you need to when you're making secondary characters into leads. But I know which bits I made up whole-cloth and, well, maybe I'm fooling myself but I don't think I ever had to introduce something to explain anyone's actions in the series itself.

Anyway, sorry for waffling on so long. Please don't take this as me calling anyone daft for where they landed on IBO, it's just that these reactions always make me twitch and wonder if I've hallucinated something over a gap somewhere. Then I go back to all the times Orga rides rough-shod over Biscuit's good advice and -- no! No, the text very firmly set up why this all goes horribly wrong and pays off each and every point like the world's most appalling check-list! You are 100% free to not enjoy that, but it's clearly working as intended

[doodle17]

Do you have any headcanon voices for Raz and Co. when their older?

I do! Actually!

I cant really see any other voice for Raz. It just fits him too much to change! Raz himself thought his voice would change at least a little. He was hoping he would start to sound more professional and charismatic, almost Matthew McConaughey-esque. He manages the charisma and professionalism, but he still sounds the same, more similar to Richard Horvitz's regular talking voice. The only thing that really changed is volume, if anything. He tends to project his voice (unintentionally most of the time) and when intentional, it's usually to fit the very comic book style action hero "Stop right there, you fiend!" Voice. He sometimes reverts to sounding like squeaky preteen when nervous. But it makes it really easy to impersonate as a lady when disguised or over a phone call though!

Lili's voice changed a bit, actually. Unlike Raz, her voice actually got deeper.(imagine Lilly from "The Walking Dead" but a little higher and more raspy) Similar to Raz, however, I can't imagine any other voice for her other than her og voice actor, Nikki Rapp (Which is why I used Lilly as an example lol) Her voice does tend to change depending on her mood. Her voice can get hissy and gravelly when angry or frustrated, but she can also get loud, even screechy when panicked (or, if you really piss her off. )

Dogen sounds similar to Josh Gad. LMAO I KNOW but seriously! Idk how to explain it, but he has the right pitch and some other stuff I can't put my finger on.... It just fits to me!

Bobby's voice got deeper, waaay deeper, and a little nasal-y. His lisp is completely gone as well. His voice is pretty gravelly when talking normally, and trying to understand what he's saying when he whispers is tricky. The grit in his voice is seems intentional, almost as if he's doing it on purpose to seem more gruff and intimidating. Despite how deep his voice is, he can get pretty whiney, and similarly to Lili, his voice gets screechy when stressed.

Chloe's voice sounds the same. A little deeper but still raspy, little more pointed and professional. She's pretty good at tricking people into thinking she's a kid on the phone or from a distance.

Clems voice also got deeper, but he very obviously trys to elevate it to sound more perky and young. It makes him very prone to voice cracks, and she gets sore throats more often than one would think. He sounds a little similar Rob Paulson, actually. Imagine if Rob Paulson was trying to do an impression of a perky teen and there you go! He's also still trying to keep up that peppy and encouraging cheer persona, so she tends to shout a lot. His voice can get deep and pointed when angry. I think threatening would be a good word to describe it.

Crystal's is the same, she's definitely more relaxed so her voice isn't as squeaky or high. It can get more wobbly and unstable when she shows literally any emotion.

D'art's voice sounds like Tom Kenny, with a bit of a feminine twang to it. Also full of cynicism and bitterness, but thats always how he's always been.

Elton voice sounds like Johnny Depp doing an awkward/nervous voice (I'll use Victor Vandort as an example). He can also sound very desperate and whiney. He's usually quiet, any attempt on raising his voice usually result in him shrinking back down and becoming mumbly. Of course he can be assertive when needed, and he can project his voice pretty well.

Kitty has a deep and more richer voice. Very particular and pointed. she can go from superiority and poise to crude and sharp in seconds.

Franke's voice is surprisingly deep. She can sound very blunt and gets a little gruff, but she's got charisma and sounds relaxed most of the time. She doesn't raise her voice often, she usually prefers to get her point across with a firmer tone, making her sound more grumble-y and makes it harder to understand what she's saying.

HONORABLE MENTIONS JUST BECAUSE I WANTED TO:

Mirtalas voice starts getting more raspy, similarly to Raz, and Queepie's gets a little more nasal like Frazies! He's bummed about it because he was hoping to get a deep booming voice like his dad

[hebimoonlightwrites]

plsss headcanons for dice (hypmic), hajun, riou and kanata on how "they would act jealous" with their adorable darling who usually doesn't pay attention around her jdbdjsbs for example that a stranger is flirting with her or they are taking pictures of her without her noticing bill

Writer's corner: Ohh! This one is going to be fun to write! Thank you for requesting! Here, hope you like it! If not, please, let me know so I can write another one for you! Enjoy~

Warnings:What anon has asked for and a some bad words, sorry about it!

⋆𝓓𝓲𝓬𝓮, 𝓗𝓪𝓳𝓾𝓷, 𝓡𝓲𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓪𝓽𝓪⋆ 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓪𝓬𝓽 𝓳𝓮𝓪𝓵𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓪𝓷 𝓸𝓫𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓸𝓾𝓼 𝓯𝓮𝓶!𝓼/𝓸

⋆Dice would show his jealousy so clearly!

⋆We always see him as a clumsy, loud and sometimes fool gambler, especially in the anime (like in the episode with the MTC when he loses his money again..)

⋆But I’m sure that if he was in a relationship with some sweet and maybe-too-much innocent girl, he’d protect her so much!

⋆Like, seriously.. we know how Dice really loves money and winning, so probably she’d be like a giant treasure box to him.

⋆So if his s/o talked to a guy, at first Dice wouldn’t really mind it. I mean, she’s free to talk to friends, of course, he’s not that yandere-type guy who keeps his girlfriend just for himself!

⋆So he’d look at her smiling, happy that she has a friend to talk to while he’s busy gambling.

⋆After a while, realizing that the stranger actually isn’t her friend, because he’s being too clingy or taking some pictures of her without asking, he’d stand up immediately and left the table where he was gambling, only to reach her as soon as possible.

⋆I’m sure he’d approach and put his left hand on her shoulder.

⋆It’d be surely awkward at first, ‘cause he’d say something like:

“Yo, babe, who’s this?”

⋆He’d be just there, looking at the stranger with an angry expression on his face.

⋆Also he’d try so hard to make that stranger understand that she’s his and only his.. He’d kiss her in front of him and things like this.

⋆He’d be still beside her until that guy goes away and then ask her to stay next to him until they both leave the casino.

⋆But if the guy is still behaving like a creep and seems to have the intention to keep bothering and disrespect his s/o, Dice would immediately shout at him to let her be.

⋆”You creep, let my girlfriend be, or you’re gonna regret it!!”

⋆Actually I do imagine him also getting into a fight with that creep, if it’s necessary.

⋆That’s because Dice’s Riou’s friend so I pretty headcanon him training with that soldier sometimes! Why not?

⋆Anyway, contrary to what some people could think, I personally imagine Dice being a protective boyfriend in this kind of cases.

⋆After the creep goes away, I also imagine Dice having a cute annoyed face, maybe also forgetting that he was playing some minutes before.

⋆”Ugh.. 𝓗𝓸𝓹𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾’𝓻𝓮 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓱𝓮’𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓱𝓾𝓻𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓲𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝔂𝔀𝓪𝔂, 𝓫𝓪𝓫𝓮.... wait- MY MONEY-!!!!”

⋆Hajun is so good at hiding his actual emotions and thoughts (that’s why I also think he’d be one of Gentaro’s good friend- lol).

⋆So his jealousy wouldn’t be so clear, at least for his dear adorable and oblivious s/o.

⋆But it’d be pretty clear and also a little bit scary to the creep who’s decided to bother her.

⋆Contrary to what I’ve written about Dice before, Hajun would be a little bit jealous also finding his s/o talking to one of her actual male friend.

⋆He has some insecurities about himself even if he’s a famous model and rapper, as we know..

⋆So he’d be sadly hoping to himself that she wouldn’t find anyone more flawless than him. He doesn’t want to feel unwanted anymore.

⋆But I don’t think he’d talk about it to his s/o, but try to hide it as much as he can.

⋆On the other hand if there was a creep bothering her with flirting or secretly taking some pictures of her, then he’d be surer to do something.

⋆The last thing he wants is to see his sweet girlfriend being harassed by a random bastard.

⋆Then imagine him seeing his adorable s/o by herself among the fans at one of BAE’s signing event. Then a complete stranger starts to take some pictures of her and seems to talk to some other guys, maybe his friends, keeping staring at her like a lion would do with a gazelle.

⋆Among the crowd Hajun would notice it, then he’d decide to reach her and cover her, putting his white, blue and red jacket on her shoulders.

⋆”Darling, there are some sweet paparazzi who have understood that you’re my girlfriend~”

⋆He’d speak loudly, staring at those men with a scary look.

⋆I do imagine Hajun starting a fight with creeps like those, but in this little scenario I’ve just imagined, maybe those men would go away without keeping bothering that cute girl.

⋆Perhaps if so, though, Hajun wouldn’t attack, but try to keep her safe, while Anne and Allen would call the police.

⋆Anyway after those men go away, Hajun would hug his darling tightly, happy that she’s okay.

⋆Then he’d put his usual smiling face and say:

⋆”Next time we’ve a signing event, you’ll sit next to me. Only to be sure that 𝓪𝓷𝔂𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓮𝓵𝓼𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓽𝓻𝔂 𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓶𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓻𝔂 𝓫𝔂 𝓱𝓾𝓻𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔂𝓸𝓾~”

⋆Rio’s so adorable and kind-hearted! But he’s also strong, since he’s an ex-soldier, so his girlfriend would be pretty lucky! (lol)

⋆As a soldier as he actually was, he would keep an eye on the situation, if there was any guy behaving suspicious and bothering Rio’s s/o.

⋆He wouldn’t immediately do anything, but keep an eye on that guy and, if necessary, then he’d act as consequence.

⋆So imagine him and his girlfriend having an excursion together. After a while, if he realized that his adorable girl doesn’t have any more water, he’d stop at a bar to buy some..

⋆He’d be so purely happy to find also even those snacks his girlfriend really loves, so he’d also grab some, even if she already has some packed up sandwiches into her own backpack.

⋆That’s when I imagine a stupid and maybe even slightly drunk guy approaching that girl and starting to talk to her.

⋆At first Rio wouldn’t do anything but stare at him, trying to fully understand what’s happening. Is he her friend? Maybe not? But does he need anything? Maybe he’s lost..?

⋆But then he’d immediately run to his girlfriend, when he realized that that guy is disrespecting his adorable s/o.

⋆At first Rio would try to bring her away from him, without fighting, ‘cause he stans dignity in people and doesn’t fight to people who aren’t his enemies.

⋆But if that guy keeps bothering his girlfriend or even slightly touch her, Rio would immediately beat him so damn hard-

⋆That guy would become his enemy, and we know how merciless Rio is to his enemies.

⋆”Don’t you dare to disrespect my girlfriend anymore! She’s not an object!”

⋆After that he’d finally bring her away from that place.

⋆I imagine his girlfriend being so oblivious about what’s just happened, that she even asks for explanation.

⋆That’s when Rio would explain that that guy wasn’t friendly but actually dangerous and was trying to do something bad to her.

⋆I also see Rio being so sweet to stare at his girlfriend with puppy eyes.

⋆”You’re okay... right?”

⋆Then he’d also suggest her to train with him sometimes.

⋆”I’m serious, sweetheart.. 𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓷𝓮𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓶𝓮, so you can also be strong enough to protect yourself... not that I mind protecting you, of course-!”

⋆One word: tsundere.

⋆It’s funny how I always start writing about Kanata, pointing out the fact that he’s a little tsun-tsun guy!

⋆Well, that’s what we all need to keep in mind to go on reading about him.

⋆I think he’s the one among these four characters who’d show his jealousy so much more evidently, even more than how Dice would!!

⋆If someone tries to flirt with his girlfriend, he’d show to be angry at him and even try to get him away by grabbing him by his t-shirt’s collar.

⋆”What are you trying to do?! Don’t you see she’s taken?! You’re blind?!”

⋆In this kind of situation with a normal guy who’s been attracted by that girl’s beauty, this guy would be scared by Kanata and run away after that, so the tsundere rapper wouldn’t do anything else and just keep his dear s/o closer to himself.

⋆But in more serious situations, things would change.

⋆We know Kanata lives in the slums with his dear Nayuta-nii, so he has to face a fight with strange people or criminals sometimes, even only to protect himself and his brother by being robbed.

⋆Imagine if he and his dear innocent s/o would get into a fight with a bunch of idiots who flirt with that girl or even try to touch her body.

⋆Kanata would be so pissed off that he’d be the one to start the fight with them.

⋆No matter how big those guys are, he wouldn’t fear them, he’d beat their asses, instead!!

⋆”Don’t you dare to touch her!!!”

⋆So he practically would fight against them as he did a lot of times to protect his brother.

⋆Kanata is quite protective to those he really cares about, so he’d try to cover his darling and keep her distant while he’d punch those guy’s ugly faces or kick their stupid d####-- uhm... yeeess...! You’ve understood.

⋆He’d keep trying to fear them also with pointy objects, maybe found there, like a piece of metal, and perhaps he would even wound one of them, if that piece of shit actually tries to approach Kanata’s girl again!

⋆”I told you to let her be, asshole!!”

⋆After those guys go away, Kanata would look at his girlfriend, who’d be terrified, and cover her with his own jacket.

⋆Then he’d start walking with her again and, putting his hands into his white trousers’ pockets, he’d say:

⋆”..What? Stop looking at me like that. You thought to have a weak and useless boyfriend? 𝓘 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓽𝓮𝓬𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾, 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀..!”

©hebimoonlightwrites_tumblr Please, do not copy my contents nor repost it without my permission.

[shreddedleopard]

for yuumori asks: 1, 13, 21 :)

✨ From Yuumori ask game here

Ahh thank you so much for the ask!! ☺️ (and for creating this wonderful Yuumori themed game too!!)

Oh god, these questions were harder to answer than I expected, once I sat down to think about them 😆 but here goes:

1. Favourite Character (s)

I’d love to say something quirky or unexpected, but honestly it’s a toss up between William and Sherlock for first with Louis close second.

William // I think to take a villainous character from an existing story and write them from a perspective which makes them as relatable and their intentions as understandable as William’s is absolutely brilliant. William is a character who I find more interesting and more wonderful the deeper I delve into him; it feels like there’s constantly a new element of him that makes me go 🤯 and I love this. I also find that I relate to him in certain ways, too. I think he’s very cleverly written so as to have many different facets of his personality which are relatable.

Sherlock // I love how Sherlock retains a lot of his original ACD character traits but also has specific elements which make him feel as though he very much belongs to Yuumori. I think his flaws and vulnerabilities are written honestly and again in a very relatable way, and I find myself also relating to Sherlock but in a different way to William. He’s funny, too; I will always gravitate to characters that make me grin or laugh aloud when reading ☺️

As an aside, I find it difficult to separate both of these characters for first spot because it’s also their relationship and connection which I adore in Yuumori; I feel like amidst a backdrop of drama, life and death situations and change on a grand scale, it encourages us to celebrate the joy of the everyday, specific ways we connect with other people and find things in common.

Louis // I enjoyed Louis’ character in the manga, was drawn in by the soft and gentle aspects of his character brought out by the English VA in the anime, but Ikkei Yamamato’s portrayal of him in Morimyu sealed the deal for me. Louis’ balance between his vulnerable and honest emotions he wears on his sleeve for William mixed with the stoicism and guardedness he strives for the remainder of the time intrigues me no end. He’s a character I’d love to explore more in writing, too, especially post time-skip. I think it’s sometimes overlooked how he, in the end, clung on to his composure and strength where William and Albert crumbled, and how he probably makes an excellent leader, but I think the anime stopping where it does is to blame for this. He’s very much my go-to type of character.

2. Favourite Arc

Wow this is so difficult because I absolutely charged through the manga when part 1 was already complete, so a lot of it blurs into one big mess when I think about it haha. I would maybe have to say The Final Problem arc, as the way suspense was built during this had my heart absolutely racing. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be a monthly reader not knowing the fate of the characters for months after that fall. The Two Criminals is perhaps a close second, because I thoroughly enjoyed Milverton’s character and almost wanted more of him vs. William/ Sherlock. When Sherlock ate that sandwich and drank that tea like he gave zero shits about Milverton’s little game, it did things to me. I think it was the moment Sherlock’s position as joint top favourite character was cemented 🤣

3. What I’d like to see as another OVA

I mean … I feel like the Durham Date is kinda the ultimate here, right? 😆 I would love to see this animated. But also, the storyline where William is kidnapped in earlier chapters is a favourite. I love how it shows William’s absolute dedication to his goal — he shrugs his mistreatment and injuries off as if they’re nothing, not caring for his own well being providing his plan succeeds. But not only this, his damn acting. I was so worried for him when he was shouting for Louis in the carriage, my heart was in my throat, only for him later to be like 😏 everything went as planned. When I realised he’d played me, the reader, too, I was shaking my fist at him (affectionately 🤣). I would like to see this performance animated, thank you.

This was so much fun, thank you again! 🥰

[omgkalyppso]

@sevarix-blogs tagged me for sharing some of a WIP ... and I'd said I'd share for someone else leaving an open tag for the Last Line of a WIP a few days ago and forgot. My WIPs are all a mess. Some are just dialogue, some are cut up scenes that still need to be reorganized. Still, I'll share from three WIPs here for fun.

I'll tag @boghermit, @bosspigeon, @lemonbronze, @bladesandstars and YOU.

Still working on the Astarion ate a bear conversation WIP:

Astarion had been hunting for some time, and he returned with the most graceless approach, tripping over a cauldron at Lae’zel’s tent with his arms stretched wide as if he’d been meaning to keep track of his steps. “Stay out of my things, darkling!” Lae’zel shouted, interrupting her conversation where Astarion might have otherwise been ignored. “With pleasure, gith,” Astarion said, laying one hand on his unbeating heart and stretching the other out overhead. “Alright, Astarion?” asked Shadowheart, eyebrows raised. “All the better,” Astarion’s words danced with the cadence of an elf who was far further into his cups than either Étoile or Shadowheart, “that you’re concerned for me, my sweet.” Shadowheart made a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a groan as she objected. “Don’t misunderstand. I’m only worried that you’d return from your hunt with some contagion. These caves are riddled with stagnation and rot.” “Just like home,” Astarion exaggerated, arms spread wide again, hands flicked skyward. He quickly followed it up with a laugh that had the teensiest hiccough in it, lending to his inebriated air.

I started working on a WIP of Wyll writing poetry with Gale's encouragement for the prompt Modern AU for wyllweek but I psyched myself out so it is also still a WIP. Background Gale x my dragonborn Upton:

Wyll: [stating the obvious as Gale has a pen and notepad] Working on something? Gale: Mm. Well, just another gift for the dragon of my heart, as it were. There's few enough rhymes for bronze that I definitely need to pick up a pen when inspiration strikes. Wyll: How do you decide which gifts are worth giving? Gale: Now there's a telling anxiety if I ever heard one. If there's a possibility your audience is going to be disrespectful of the efforts you make, and your heart on your sleeve, Wyll Ravengard, then they don't deserve you. That said, poetry is as much about the audience and the medium as it is about the quality. I know that whatever I scribble down … Upton appreciates that I was thinking of them. The rest is imagined, I suppose I could talk to them about it — how I consider each syllable, and each revolving turn of phrase, with the hope that I can bring them new joy, that the maze around my heart, no more navigable by my manner of elocution, might be more manageable to them. They are celebrations of our bond, their love, their beauty, but they are also pleas of affection, calls to understanding, expressions of vulnerability. And those are harder to share when you put more of yourself in your writing, or when you can't trust those emotions to be well received — even when they are, the way people can misread intent or metaphor, or latch onto some throwaway sentiment you thought to include — it's hard, to write and to share, not even considering the technicalities and imagination of the hobby. Do you keep a journal? Wyll: No. I read and I can recite some poetry, but … I didn't— I didn't keep a journal while I was backpacking, though maybe I should have. I— I'm not thinking of writing for love, or to share with anyone. Maybe someday, but … The world has such vibrancy in it. I'm not a bard, but I'd think I prefer it through a poet's lens sometimes. Gale: As one should. There's a dreamer in all of us, and poetry has connected people to history, to culture, to themselves and to each other — since time immemorial. You needn't worry about sharing it with anyone, but those connections are always open to you. And it may be a tad hypocritical, having never shared my own work, but I'd love to read your poetry, if you're in need of an audience. Wyll: No, no, no. You don't get out of showing me yours by asking for mine. Not when you have the advantage of experience— Gale: Oooo. That may be the politest way I've been called old, but it still stings [holding his heart] right here. Upton: [sitting on the arm of Gale's chair] Wyll called you old? Gale: [standing so Upton can take up most of the chair's real estate] He said I had the benefit— Wyll: Advantage. Gale: [sitting in Upton's lap] The advantage of experience. Wyll: [in his own defense] In regards to poetry. Upton: [delighted, leaning around Gale so he almost falls over] Are you going to write inexperienced poetry, Wyll?

And I'll share a very little bit of my The Pale Elf vs Cazador fight rewrite WIP:

Astarion: You don't love anything. Cazador: Do you not know the meaning of the word sacrifice? One eats an apple and thinks nothing of it, a fruit made to be consumed. But what of eating a friend, a lover, a son. You were made to be sacrificed, but my love was no less true for my role in your extermination. Astarion: Fuck you. And fuck everything you ever did to me. Cazador: You are my spawn, you are my family, and you came home like a good little apple when it was time for harvest.

While it might just be bad and cheesy I like the idea of Cazador likening Astarion to being worth more to him than nothing only to immediately refute that in the next sentence from his mouth. He should have been a man of twisted love and contradictions imo, not blindly evil.

[cosmicjoke]

In the manga, did Levi go too far when he shouted at Historia, demonstrating his violent tendencies? Most people are not very happy with this scene and say it goes too far.

I mean, it wasn't Levi's best moment, lol, but I think it needs to be understood in context. People always act like Levi was choking her out or something, and he wasn't. He didn't have her by her neck. He was holding her by the collar of her shirt. He wasn't actually, physically hurting her. Beyond that, again, context is important for understanding why Levi did what he did here.

A LOT of people had died in order for the SC to obtain the information they did about Historia being the true heir to the throne. Levi and Hange had just gotten through torturing another human being to obtain that information as well. The entire plan and operation absolutely hinged, then, on Historia taking on the role of Queen and accepting that responsibility. If she refused, then all of those people that died, all the people killed by Kenny's squad, and the people Levi and the other members of the 104th had to kill in turn, will have all died for nothing. Sannes will have been tortured for nothing. The coup would fail, and even MORE people would die. Erwin and every member of the SC would literally be on the chopping block. There would likely be more violence that would break out as the powers that be would be on the lookout for any kind of decent, and would be quick to quash it immediately and with violent means. There would, essentially, be a civil war that would break out between the rebellious factions and the standing government. Basically, Historia refusing to become queen would have endangered countless lives at that point. And then that's exactly what Historia initially does. She refuses, not out of any kind of principle or conviction, but out of self-pity. She doesn't believe herself capable of assuming the role of queen. She doesn't think she deserves it, or is good enough.

Now think about what this must have looked like to Levi. Again, a lot of people had been killed in order to get to where they were, in order to have this opportunity to overthrow a corrupt government, and here Historia was, threatening to bring the whole thing down because she was feeling sorry for herself.

That wasn't gonna' fly with Levi, I'm afraid. He got pissed, and he let her know it. Levi's not good at expressing himself in words. He was raised in a world of violence, where you got your point across by BEING violent. He was raised by a serial killer, let's not forget, and grew up in the Underground, which is about as dog eat dog as it gets. Historia's self-pitying display, after everything all of them had sacrificed up to that point, must have struck Levi as the height of self-indulgence and pettiness. So he let her know exactly what such a refusal would lead to. He didn't lie to her. A lot of people were going to die if she refused to take the throne.

So, yeah, Levi could have reacted better to Historia's initial refusal. He could have tried talking to her to make her understand. But Levi wasn't raised that way. He wasn't shown how to solve problems through talking, but rather through action. On top of that, he was in a highly emotional state himself, having had to do things he obviously wasn't happy about, like torturing Sannes. This had such a negative impact on him, even, that he at first forgot to even inform the 104th of what they'd found out about Historia. He was in a bad mental place in that moment. So he overreacted. People shouldn't at all take this as some kind of indictment on Levi's character, or take it as proof that Levi is a horrible, violent child abuser, like I've seen some idiots try to claim. Context and intent always matters. It needs to be considered when judging anyone's actions. It's why Dimo Reeves later tries to explain to Historia why Levi did what he did. Why he calls him "awkward but kind". He understood. Levi got as upset as he did because he didn't want to see more people die.

[silversiren1101]

Let's goo how about 1 and 26 for Minoreg, and 8 and 15 for dracolich?

Hey Cassy! Yay! Questions for both couples! Also, little NSFT :3

1. What, specifically, was the catalyst for their physical attraction (if applicable) to the other character? In other words, what in particular had them like “Oh, they’re…hot…”

Minovae: she pretty much found him attractive from day one. He has a strong jawline, piercing eyes, dark complexion, bright purple hair, and is pretty fit/toned?? I actually have a person headcanon of mine that before he started Bleaching he was absolutely conventionally attractive and got a lot of attention for it and that just annoyed the shit out of him. I've mentioned before I see him as having a nice warm brown skin tone before, so combined with his deep purple hair and what used to be golden eyes? Absolutely was a little dreamboat.

Absolutely drove him crazy.

She, like many others, found him quite attractive from the minute she laid eyes on him.

Funny enough, she actually finds him more attractive with a bit of silver in his hair.

Regill: Golarion's most demisexual and demiromantic man... he knows she's objectively attractive but it does nothing to him until he's actually consciously in love with her. I'm going to let you in on a little dream smut fic of mine I've been rotating in my thoughts for like a year now.

After they kiss and start their relationship, he only figures out he's not 100% asexual when he wakes up in the middle of the night from a rather... colorful... dream, absolutely rock hard and completely bewildered "oh shit... what the fuck." Like, he's not a virgin, but he's never been physically attracted to anyone specifically. He's never fantasized about anyone or seen anyone as sexually or subjectively attractive. It's been over a century since he's had sex, and he fucked when he was younger only out of need of physical release because he had no outright desire otherwise and found the urge itself frustrating and humiliating. Only once he became a Hellknight did he quell those urges completely, but... oh, Mino... it's a massive shock to him and the demisexual panic is real. He tries to just go back to sleep and ignore the dream and the raging hard-on and the wild implications of something he didn't even think possible, but he physically can't because of how uncomfortable and insistent it is. Has to take care of it and he immediately finds his thoughts just filled with trying to figure out how she sounds when she moans and imaging her blissful face and her in the throes of pleasure and it's game over for him, lmao! He has such a hard time looking her in the face the next day.

Funny thing is, she's been doing much the same on her end pretty much every night.

26. They have an argument with their partner—what is it about? Do things stay respectful, or is there some shouting and accusing going on?

They are both extremely respectful in their disagreements. She knows him so very well, and knows how he's changed but also how he used to be, and understands he's at a crossroads with her having come back to him and he's trying to grasp some of his old brightness and pull himself from the grave he was sliding into before. Their arguments usually revolve around how they would handle a situation in their duties as Hellknights and military leaders. As both lawful people, they almost always agree when something is a crime. They disagree about how something should be solved. You know: execution vs rehabilitation, understanding the extenuating circumstances and intent vs. outcome... She remembers he wasn't always as harsh as he is now and he has opinions on how merciful she is, but also knows if her judgement is ever proven wrong she will take full responsibility and whatever blow herself.

The only time they've ever really had a real bad fight was the night they got together, when emotions were raw and so much catharsis was needed from how badly he was hurting from her cruelty beforehand (maddened beast) and his own confusion with his emotions. They only get close to that again when her martrydom-tendencies arise, leading to him getting stern and raising his voice to make her see reason (because gods, she has given enough of herself and if anyone deserves rest, it's her).

Later on, any 'arguments' are mostly civil disagreements on their parenting, lol. Regill is a pretty protective parent to their daughter while she is a "let them make mistakes and figure it out" one. They always have each other's backs and provide a united front to their little girl but in private they definitely have rather inspired talks on raising Jesyll and what is okay for her and what isn't (in their eyes).

Dracolich time.

8. What scares them about entering a relationship?

LMAO. Wow so much.

Morolai: Their relationship starts purely sexual and with massive power imbalance because of her absolute control as dom and sadism. Maegar was a moron but quite attractive, and now there's a more interesting being inside of that very hot body that is her new favorite toy to pester and bully. She has no fears about this sexual relationship: she's beat him once and knows she can pretty effortlessly kill him on her own if he so much as raises a finger against her. He lives because she allowed it and will die if she demands it, you know? When things start to shift to "uh oh that wasn't hate sex" right after the canon events of the game end, that's when she gets scared. What is she feeling? Why? WITH HIM?! AN ANCIENT PATHETIC CYCLOPS LICH?? MY FUCKING ANIMATE SEX TOY (that also makes me laugh and has really great riveting conversations to talk to and remarkably witty and so very loyal--)!?She is fearful of being subservient in anyway, losing power and control, being vulnerable, etc. But she is also far too arrogant and stubborn to bow down to even her own fear. Fine, so she doesn't hate him and isn't totally disgusted, is even a little endeared by this wretched creature who amuses her so much and also learned how to please her like such a loyal pup.

Vordakai: Ahahaha, so please remember he is canonically the weakest and most pathetic of his 'class' of acolytes. He only stole the title of Vordakai from the real Vordakai because he survived Earthfall by pure fucking luck. I really play up how pathetic he is so... absolute virgin. Taking Maegar's body for himself, and said body is VERY into Morolai and finds her immensely attractive is where his troubles begin and the humiliation and fear starts. What the fuck is he feeling? Why is this body doing this? Why is it around her? This gross disgusting fleshy body disobeying his control and giving in to impulse! Especially once she realizes it and physically teases him to the point he willingly approaches her for more, he's terrified and horny, horny because he's terrified and terrified because he's horny; vicious cycle. Eventually though he figures out the pattern: be a good pet and get rewarded. Sometimes she's into it enough he gets a little more than before, gets to see a little more of her own pleasure and enjoyment and for some reason that's... he's very curious about it all.

By the time the weird feelings-not-feelings start, he's not scared of them anymore so much as he's just, like, dissecting everything like a bug. Morolai is his queen, his gilded cage, the name that replaced his god in his mind as a dark and terrible mortal goddess. He's treading dangerous ground but ultimately knows he lives only by her right and... well he might as well enjoy it, because she is a worthy mistress.

So... I hesitate to call it love they feel, or a romantic relationship. They enter into a forever-companionship where they fuck and enjoy each other's presence, and understand each other and their secrets against the rest of the world around them. She is absolutely in charge and has all the power still, but rather than it being a captive and captor thing she's kind of replaced his fervent worship of Charon in his mind and everything he does with and to her is out of a very fucked up sense of devotion.

15. What, for them, constitutes a level of intimacy that they would only rarely share with someone? This can be physical, emotional, etc.

Morolai: It's all about power with Vordakai and constantly asserting her dominance and that she doesn't fear him. Part of this is actually purposefully displaying vulnerabilities around him or letting her guard! She is so self-assured in her power and his inability to kill her that she do such a thing almost to rub it into his face... at first. At some point it becomes genuine.

One of the big moments is when her wings first appear, violently erupting from her back during the fight with Armag in his tomb. They are extremely painful until the skin around the exit-holes scars over, and that first night back she's soaking in her private tub for hours just trying to soothe the pain. She summons him in the middle of the night to demand her rub in a magic healing poultice into her back the wings right where they emerged. So, laying flat on her front on her bed, totally nude and clearly in pain and weak, she allows him to straddle her and care for her wings in such a way when they're so sensitive and painful.

It's definitely one of the first moments of "devotion" that solidifies in his mind, an act of loyalty and genuine devotion to his queen and mistress. She trusted him with this. He's been a good pet. Especially since he gets rewarded for that, too.

Aside from that, letting him be on top is the biggest thing for them. Her giving up control and letting him worship her in that way solidifies their relationship and his loyalty as her supplicant and companion.

Vordakai: Well, she knows what he is first of all. This one I'm still working on, but... he tells her his real name. Vordakai is a stolen name from his master who perished in Earthfall, so he had to have a real name before that. The curse Tristian placed on him worked because he made Vordakai his whole being to the point that it supplanted his actual name as a "true name", but he does remember his original one. Eventually, she is granted the honor of knowing it.

She refers to him only as Maegar Varn and that name from then on, which actually means a lot because the curse on him lasts for as long as anyone knows the name Vordakai. Her not spreading knowledge of the name "Vordakai" is kind of working in his favor, which she does willingly.

From this list of questions!

[okimargarvez]

THE GOOD AND THE RIGHT

Original title: The good and the right

Prompt: what if after 16x6.

Warning: spoiler for 16x6.

Genre: romantic, angst.

Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, JJ, Tyler Green (mentioned).

Pairing: Garvez.

Note: oneshot 85 in Garvez collection.

Legend: 💏😘. Song mentioned: Addio mio amore, Tiziano Ferro.

GARVEZ STORIES

Note: this is dedicated to @thinitta. I know that my opinion about Tyler is unpopular, right now, but I don't hate him. He can't be the reason to not get garvez. Our ship is stronger than that. I want to inform you on this, because it reflects on the story, obviously. But don't worry, Tyler is just a name, here.

THE GOOD AND THE RIGHT

I wish someone would explain to me why good intentions can so easily result in complete disasters. I messed all up, but for real, this time. I only realized it when I got back to my apartment and found Tyler waiting for me... Inside my bed. He was awake, he was smiling. I managed to avoid his kiss I don't even know how. I told him I was tired, one of the most banal excuses ever, but in reality, it was partially the truth, because in one day I experienced too many emotions. The fear for JJ and Luke, being emotional support for Tyler, looking after both him and the case…

It was nice to feel understood, deeply understood, but it doesn't justify what happened. I just... I didn't think at the time, it just seemed like the right thing to do to keep him on the straight and narrow. Probably losing myself, meanwhile.

Too bad that something even more terrible happened right during the kiss. Well, it depends on your point of view. I thought it could be Luke. And it's not completely absurd, because he tried to do the same, three years ago, during our first and only date. But I ran away, like I did with Tyler the first time. And I told Luke that I understood that it would be better to stay friends, because I didn't feel ready for a relationship, I was going through too many changes and... That's it. That time too it was half a lie, half a truth. Luke made an effort to sound sympathetic and less pained than he actually was. But I saw it through his eyes. Still, it didn't change my mind.

Luke... I felt his gaze on me throughout the discussion. He's not stupid, he sensed something, surely that the noise was neither feline nor Bigfoot. When I left I avoided him like a plague victim. But he had made a joke, asking me if Sergio was still hungry and I couldn't lie to him again.

Now I'm in my former office. I managed to dodge the others, arriving very early. Especially him... Because I know his schedule perfectly and how I wish it weren't like that. Now he must be taking a shower, after his usual morning run, alone. Roxy is getting old, and he struggles every day with the fear of losing her. I feel an excruciating pain in my chest, so I force myself to think of something else, but there's no way, my mind always goes there.

Oh Luke, if only I were less of a coward... You deserve better, a more normal, more stable person who can make you feel at ease, if not happy. Someone that may it not add anxieties to the ones you already fight against on a daily basis.

At least it helped me to understand that I will never get over it. Whatever may happen. I will never stop being in love with Luke Alvez, but I will never be able to love him. Because falling in love and love are not the same thing at all. The first one just happens, there's nothing you can do about it, your head in the clouds, you're acting like an idiot. While for the second you have to work hard, put a lot of effort into it. And you have to see each other as real people, jumbles of flaws and not as gods come down to earth.

Someone knocks on my door. I pray it's not him. It can't be him. It's too soon for anyone. And Tyler? But no, I forbid him to be seen. But... I sigh and turn towards the door. -Come in.- I shout, but my voice trembles. I hope whoever is walking in now doesn't notice, but considering it's probably a profiler… I swivel my chair back to the opposite position, my back to the newcomer.

-Hey, Garcia.- my lungs relax for a moment, recognizing the voice, but then I realize I'm actually not out of danger at all. She knows so much…though nothing about my date with Luke. We have mutually agreed (more or less) to not inform the team. It would only lead to heavy doses of embarrassment. She grabs a chair and sets it next to mine. Ouch, it doesn't bode well.

I just take a look at her. -How can I help you, my young friend?- I pretend an enthusiasm that I don't feel at all and naturally she realizes it.

She giggles. -Not so young.- she touches her head and grimaces. -I don't know how long it will take me to fully recover.- I nod. It's so easy to forget what happened just two days ago. In a normal situation they should both stay at home, to rest, to recover. They deserve it. Luke could be spending time with Roxy and…damn it! JJ seems to read both in my eyes and in the pause that weighs between us. -Are you okay?- she takes my hand, looks at me like that and I know I'm screwed. But maybe that was what I wanted too. Let off steam. Free me. And, despite this, I would never have taken the initiative.

I take a breath, once, twice. -Not really.- I show off one of my pre-delusional smiles. She settles better, sensing what is about to happen. -Where do I start?- I ask perhaps more to myself. -Here, at my farewell party, three years ago... you know that I danced almost the whole evening with... Luke?- I swallow to force myself to pronounce that name, which now takes on precise nuances. She nods, but her pupils are already shining. -Before... before our talks he took me aside for a moment and he... asked me out.- she opens her eyes and mouth wide and barely refrains from replying, perhaps fearing that if she interrupted me I would no longer be able to continue and I would have seized the chance. -Well, we went out together…- it's the coup de grace.

-What?!- she squeezes my hands tightly and hugs me. I just hope she doesn't expect I'm about to tell her things like I'm pregnant or that we were been secretely together for past three years. -And you didn't say anything to anyone! To me!- she sounds offended, but in a joking way. -I want all the details, we have to do a girls' night and…- but then she notices my expression, not at all joyful. -Don't tell me you're only telling me now because you two broke up.- I shake my head.

-No. Because we've never been together.- JJ's glance is enough to realize how much she had hoped for us, and not just to laugh at our mutual attitude, jokes and teasing each other. And the others, who knows what they think. She seems unable to conceive that it didn't work out between us.

-But… but…- she stammers. -Why?- she asks the only question that should make sense.

-I… I don't know, it was my fault. I was so happy when he asked me, but then, when I got home, after saying goodbye, I mean the next day… I had a panic attack, a strong, paralyzing one. You know I don't like changes, but it's not just that, it's that…- I shake her hand, looking for the strength I don't feel. -I'm scared, absolutely terrified, of Luke.- she struggles to believe even this statement and I don't know how to explain myself better. -I'm in love with him.- I admit, brutally. -And I'm afraid that if I let myself go completely... and then it goes wrong... I won't be able to get out of it alive, like with Kevin.- I conclude, at least in part, waiting for the reproaches.

-Penelope!- she exclaims, but above all I hear a sweet pain in her voice. -That man could never hurt you, he practically kisses the ground you walk on!- hearing it say from another person is an absurd experience, because it makes everything extremely real and not just vague fantasies based on too many looks . -Seriously, Luke has been in love with you since... well, from the beginning, I think and, I don't know what happened during your date, but... he didn't get over it. If possible, it's even worse. You notice how he looks at you, right? And now I understand why, since you've been back, his attitude seems like a constant courtship. He no longer has reasons to hide.- I nod, biting my lips.

-But this was only the prelude…-she takes the head in her hands, signaling me to continue. Luckily, we both arrived ahead of schedule.

-

And we walk, we walk, with the dull sun and the fire in my face and if I answered you now, with my threatening love, nothing would be left of you, perhaps two tears and then dust and then the most ruthless emptiness, which I have tolerated until now

I lost her. That song keeps telling me, I can't get rid of. And I don't even know where the hell I first heard it. Maybe I made it up, maybe it's a consequence of the head trauma from being blown up. Pain in ribs and arm weren't enough. But I would bear any suffering, if I could have her in my arms again, perhaps without JJ, however much I love her too. It would be better not to think about it, because it only adds pain to pain, but I cannot continue down this path.

I need to know if I've got it right or if I've just made a mind trip. Why didn't she want to say who she was with when she had that brilliant insight? Why was it about Tyler Green's sister and why hadn't she shared that information about her with us? Unless she had just acquired it… from a... personal source. But if it was just that, if she just talked to that guy again… no, something in her manner, in her eyes, told me there was so much more at stake. And considering the weird noise we heard, decidedly masculine…

I have to say it, at least mentally. She was almost certainly with Green. At her apartment. And then they walked out, ended up right where Alison worked, and Garcia's lightbulb went on. I'm forced to think of her by her last name, because her name makes me think of the woman I'm in love with and that I hoped so much she could reciprocate me even just 10%. I know it's wrong, that it wouldn't be a healthy love, but after 7 years I've lost hope that anything on my part can change.

In all this time I have had another relationship, but she has always remained there, free, available. I had expected this day to come, but I hadn't taken it seriously. As if the two of us had always belonged together, even as I shared my life with Lisa. Another wrong thing. I'll go to hell, but I already knew that.

In any case, I need to know. I want to feel bad. To suffer mortally and water Roxy's fur. I've never cried for a woman, not outwardly, but I know it will happen with her. The elevator doors open. I nod to those who remain on board, I leave my bag on the desk in a rush way and I head with a determined step towards her office. I saw Esther in the parking lot, so I know she's already here. At least she's not with him. Will he be at home with Sergio and the new arrival? Rossi let it slip, even if he later tried to pass it off as a joke.

Tyler Green gave… Garcia a real cat. Not a stupid stress reliever. As a peace offering. To make them collaborate. Damn me, when I supported her in her idea of restoring his memory. When I encouraged her to talk to him again. And I gave him the scepter of most hated by Garcia. Because I thought I could aim for another kind of trophy by now.

Given the way our date went, shouldn't I have resigned myself that nothing will happen between us? No, at all. Because every now and then, even if too rarely, she sends me signals that certainly don't go in the direction of being just friends. If there was a similar kind of relationship between us as she has with other members of the BAU, why show such annoyance at seeing me? Why always keep me aside, as a different discourse, like when she, hugging us, had to underline how happy she was to see our faces again, even mine? And her enthusiasm when I let her know that I didn't give a damn about her "replacements".

No, I can't lose hope, even if that song tries to change my mind.

Goodbye my love, we haven't seen each other... goodbye my love, which side do you see, that splinter in my soul, that arrow in my heart, that I try to tear out every day, while I distract the world with a smile

Here, one more step and here I am. I'm about to knock, not wanting to sneak in, feeling like I have no right, but then my ears pick up voices. There is already JJ. I should go back to my desk and wait before giving it another try, but my legs aren't cooperating. Especially when I hear that name come out of... Penelope's lips.

-…he was drunk, do you know when they called me? It was the police, they had stopped him for a fight, so I ran there and not knowing what to do, I took him to my house...- I almost sighed with relief. Nothing new, just the usual caring Garcia. -But then, in the evening, when he seemed to have recovered, he started telling me about his sister, about what he had felt and I told him about my parents, and... there was like a jolt, between us and him... - I don't I realize how hard I'm clenching my fists until drops of blood wet the floor. -…he tried to kiss me and I snapped like a spring.- I smile, pleased. Well done, my love, that's how it's done. -So I offered him to take a walk and who knew that Alison had worked right there? It wasn't on his file and he hadn't remembered it before. I saw the crossroads and had one of the Reid-esque visions.- they giggle. -So far, so good. I gave him my keys and called a taxi, to run and tell you. - here, I feel the blow coming. -He asked me if he could help and that's when I…- JJ whispers something, but I can't catch the precise words. -I kissed him.- the world shatters, everything falls apart. My legs give way, but holding on to the door, I manage not to fall. I really lost her. I no longer hear a single word of her delirium. It's over. There is another man in her heart. Fuck the convinction we belong to each other and all that bullshit. Fuck the sensation of being special. Fuck looks, hugs, hard-won kisses on the cheek. Fuck dancing and her enthusiasm when I asked her out. If she really wasn't interested in me as a man, why didn't she just tell me? To not make me feel bad? Uh, honey, that's a nice play.

Goodbye my love, but here we die, goodbye my love, goodbye... I didn't want you and I don't want myself, goodbye love, goodbye!

The song was right. Who ever wanted to fall in love! That's why I was fine with Lisa. There were never real stresses, real anxieties. There was no rush to go home, whether she was there or not. The thought of her, after the first date (interrupted by whom? But look if that coincidentally), no longer distracted me during a case. No heartbeat. I cared of her, but it was never love. I've never been in love with her. Also because my heart was already busy. Someone had booked the place for a later date. But I didn't want it, no! I didn't want to be like this, act like a fool, say shit just to get her attention… make up all kinds of excuses just to touch her. Nor have I ever allowed my imagination to go so far, before her.

But inside me, that non-dark part, has always been convinced that if it ever happened to me… everything would be fine. It wouldn't have been a one-sided feeling. That's how I found the courage to ask her out. And I didn't gain anything, not even a poor kiss. Maybe it's better this way, how could I have gone on living afterwards, without being able to savor those lips anymore? Well, that's poet bullshit too, and none of my ex-comrades would believe I could have thought such a thing.

I don't know how long it's been, but suddenly I'm losing strength and everything goes black. Cold, dark.

Instead, it's a strong sensation of warmth that brings me back to the world of the living. And a pleasant tickle. Yellow. I lift my eyelids slowly, I don't want to be blinded by the lights. But it's useless. My view is entirely taken up by Penelope's pale and worried face. Her blonde hair brushes my cheek. -Oh, thank God!- I think I can see tears behind her glasses. I don't have the strength to hope for it. -JJ, he's awake!- I catch her joy and I realize that the other blonde is also at my bedside. I'm on the floor, but my head is resting on the IT's bare knees. On the one hand I wish I could enjoy the moment better, on the other I'm tired to survive with few crumbs.

-Luke!- JJ looks concerned too. -Don't worry, I'm calling for help, it's definitely a consequence of the explosion...- I shake my head. Wrong move.

-No, no!- I whine. I don't recognize my voice. -I'm fine. I just had…- I look at Penelope, who tries to look away from me but in a moment her eyes are prey to mine. Just bullshit? Will the same thing happen to her with Tyler? No, I don't think so. I try to pull myself up. Realizing I'm too stubborn to change my mind, Penelope helps me. She places my arm around her shoulders and with JJ on the other side, they lift me up and lead me to a couch, the only real change since Garcia is no longer IT at the BAU. -Don't call anyone, I'm fine.- I repeat, with a slightly more convincing tone.

JJ sighs. She looks towards the friend. -Keep an eye on him and let me know if you can knock some sense into him!- having said that, she disappears and we are alone. The fact is that I didn't really recover. I have a foggy-headed, that song that torments me with the vision of Garcia that kisses Green. Then I realize that it was not a nightmare, she really said it. It really happened. Maybe I became transparent, because she reads it in my face.

She is sitting in the opposite end of the sofa. -You... you heard, right?- I don't nod, but the answer is in my eyes. -I'm sorry, I did a mess, it's such a wrong thing, I have overcome the demarcation line between work and private life, I didn't do it on purpose, it is...- I am not able to hold one of her ramblings. I stretch the arm and touch the first thing that is on my trajectory. Her knee.

She gasps. -Enough.- I exclaim, in a hoarse voice. Oh no, after passes out I will not whine in front of her. Still, I feel the lump in my throat climb along my body, stop it. -You can't choose who... you ... you fall in love with.- bitter banality. -If you are happy with Green... I am ...- I can't say it. -I would like to be happy for you, but I can't.- here, this is the truth. -Because you deserve the entire universe. I want you to be the happiest person in the world.- two too long sentences. I have to wait a moment to recover breath, she doesn't seem able to replicate anything. -I just wanted... I believed that you would be with me.- and with this I closed.

Penelope looks at me as if I had come out of mind. -Luke, I ... I'm not in love with Tyler!- she looks at me, waiting for a reaction. -You overheard just something.- she concludes.

-In I have not ... overheard.- I deny, trying to find a less vulnerable position, keeping sobs at bay, but I still don't know for how much. I have to leave this room and run home. I have all the good excuses to get a day free. -But if you are not in love with that guy... why did you kiss him?- I thought I finished, instead there is still a lot, too much, that we need to dissect, among us.

She opens her inviting mouth, too often the protagonist of my dreams. -It was a mistake. I wanted to make him feel better, I let myself be taken from the atmosphere...- she makes it too easy. However, I certainly don't expect her next move. -And why you stayed almost three years with Lisa?- the tone is accusing and it's not just my impression.

I approach her on the sofa, consciously or not. -Yeah, because she made me feel good.- Penelope nods.

-She is a good person.- I can't understand how we ended up talking about her.

-Yeah, she does.- I shrug. Another big mistake. A grimace. Tears are about to appear. But she must have approached during the conversation, because few inches separate our bodies.

She has a weird gaze, which scares me. -Exactly. And Tyler Green is also a good guy. You talked to him too. He suffered a great trauma and will have to work a lot to overcome the sense of guilt ...- is she talking about him or herself? -and he has made a lot of wrong choices, but remains a good person.- I just stares at her. -Maybe, in another context, in another life... who knows, it could really work, between us.- this is too much. I will not stay in her former office, in this shape, to hear her talk about her possible love story.

I try to get up and fall down, almost in her arms. -What are you smiling at?- she answers me with her eyes that I just don't have the right to make such a reproach, considering how much I love her smiles. Snort.

-Why didn't work between you and Lisa? And don't say Phil. I never believed it, that it was just for that.- why does she keep to put my ex in the middle? At least the nervous blocked the lump in my throat.

I stare at her. -Because no matter how good she was, she wasn't the right one.- she beats her hands, to underline the last word I pronounced. She leans to me, too much for my tormented heart.

As if she was about to kiss me, but I know it is not so. -Exactly.- she says, convinced. -For me is the same. I know that with Tyler there could be something, but also that it would be wrong, also because, however good he may be, he is not the right one.- silence filled only by the thousand machinery in the room. -And I am sure, because I have already found the right one, and he doesn't want to get out of my head.- I try to drive away the feeling of hope that she is talking about me. But it's too late. -Only that... after what I did ... will he forgive me?- she wouldn't look at me like this, if I wasn't personally involved. But I'm tired of this ambiguity. I need concreteness.

I brush her hand and she allows me. -Who could not do it, Penelope?- I whisper. Our eyes are tangled. Pain in the chest grows. The tears push to free themselves. Time stops and slowed down I see her face approaching. I do the same. Finally our lips merge and nothing else exists. Not even the fact that there is another man at her apartment, almost certainly, full of expectations and hopes.

When we separate Penelope rests her heads between my shoulder and chest, but immediately pulls away, probably fearing to hurt me. I force her to go back there. I caress her back as she vents. -Oh, Luke, please forgive me! I know I hurt you and I never wanted, never! I am so afraid, but no matter how big the fear is, there is no way, I can't stop loving you! Please, even if I don't deserve it, don't leave me!- she is not the only one to cry. The wave of her love overwhelms me, and it was never so beautiful to drown.

I take her face in my hands, with thumbs I dry a few savory drops, ignoring mine. Instead, she realizes my state, but I don't give a damn about not seem a macho. I know she doesn't care. -Shh, Pen, calm down.- I brush her lips in a very short kiss, as further reassurance. -It's okay, I have nothing to forgive you, we were not yet together... unfortunately.- I have chosen the wrong words, because it causes a new waterfall. -Hey, hey.- another little kiss. -Stop it, stop! I love you more than I have ever believed possible and I don't give a damn about the rest.- she seems to finally believe it. -Just... do you think you can promise me that you will not kiss every man or woman that you want to help?- it's half a joke, but she takes it seriously.

-I would never do it!- I nod. It is enough for me. -And you... could you do me a favor?- I wonder what she can ask me. -Can you go to the hospital and get checked out? I don't want to lose you just now that I found you.- I hold her hand so strong that I risk hurting her.

I sigh. -All right. But- peremptory voice -I want to be there when you talk to Tyler. If you don't feel to, I can stay in another room, but I don't let you go alone. I know he is a good guy, but...- she nods. She seems willing to grant me the universe. But I know it is only for today and that the bantering will return tomorrow.

Because that's how we work. Penelope checks her clothes, then cleanses my cheeks from the last tears; she leans over to give me an intense kiss, which worths as a real mutual promise. My hands are looking for hers, and viceversa, they find themselves, they intertwine. -Let's go.-

You were born from the pain that will be stop by time, and fears are about to be born, but we will survive and, love, love is awaiting you... because the eternal is not in a hurry!

[summersnow82]

The Scent of Roses - Part 3

Fanfiction_X-Men

Fictober 2023_Prompt 20: “This better be good.”

…

The pounding on her bedroom door was mirrored only by the pounding of her head. Sabrina groaned, rolling over and pulling the covers over her head. “Go away,” she called, groaning as she snuggled deeper into her bed. She felt hungover, but she’d barely had any alcohol at the gala last night. What the…

Memories of the previous evening came racing back to her, and she groaned again. Hank. Hank touching her back when he caught her from falling. The rush of thoughts, memories, and emotions overwhelming her system. The confidence she’d received from him had her coming onto him, and it had worked. She could still feel his weight on her, his warmth, and his passion. She’d waited decades for him to look at her like that, hold and touch her like that, and the wealth of information she absorbed was staggering. Most people assumed she got information in a nice, stream-lined format, but nothing could be further from the truth. Emotions, thoughts, and memories were like a bowl of spaghetti – all the noodles twisted up with one another. Charles had spent years teaching her how to carefully separate the strands and filter the information properly. Prolonged contact made that more difficult, and she’d struggled to read everything she received from Hank.

His lust had been palpable. Some of the thoughts he’d had that evening were enough to make her blush. His surprise was another – had he really never thought of her that way before last night? He’d made his feelings clear when they were younger; he viewed her as a little sister, and in hindsight she could understand. But now? She tucked her legs to her chest, and buried her head in her chest.

“Deep breaths,” she whispered to herself. “In and out.”

There were other thoughts drifting in her subconscious, and she figured they’d either evaporate on their own, or she’d figure them out later. Right now she was stuck on one thought: who kept banging on her damn door?

“Go away!” She shouted, louder this time.

“Sabrina, c’mon! You have to see this!” Rogue’s voice cut through her mental hurricane, and Sabrina’s adrenaline kicked in. She was intensely protective of the younger mutant, and if Rogue called Sabrina would always answer. Sabrina considered Rogue a dear friend, and, ironically enough, much like a younger sister to her. The fact that had been Charles’ intentions when he’d invited Sabrina back to the mansion did not go without notice, but ultimately Sabrina was happy she could help the younger woman cope with her unique and powerful gift.

“Coming, coming,” Sabirna called back, slipping out of bed, and reaching for her robe and her gloves. “What’s wrong?” She asked, swinging her door open wide to an ecstatic Rogue.

“C’mon, hurry!” Rogue cried, grabbing her hand and tugging her down the hall.

Professor Xavier looked up when they raced into the TV room, his face grim. “I am so very sorry, Sabrina,” he said in her mind. “But we need you.”

The room was full of students and staff. Jean and Scott stood off to one side, Scott’s arms wrapped protectively around Jean. Students crowded on and around the couch, clambering for a better view. Hank was on the other side of the room, the perfect image of apprehension. His mouth was drawn into a tight line, arms crossed over his broad chest, and his eyes were firmly glued on the screen.

“He’s coming,” Ororo huffed, joining Charles at his side.

Logan came shuffling into the room looking as bad as Sabrina felt. “This better be good,” he grumbled, raking a hand through his already wild hair.

“If you had answered my many calls Storm wouldn’t have resulted to such… drastic measures,” Charles said dryly.

“What is going on?” Sabrina asked. She’d finally caught her breath, and with the crowd she could barely hear the TV over the pounding emotions hammering at her mind.

“It’s a cure,” Rogue said excitedly. “They’ve got a cure.”

Sabrina turned shocked eyes to the Professor. “And they intend to demonstrate it live,” he told her.

“Nothing was said about this last night,” she replied. Had she been so distracted by Hank she’d missed it? She looked over at him, and saw he’d been watching her as well. He shook his head, and she knew he must be thinking the same thing. Last night had been a huge win in both their minds – a move in the right direction for mutants and humans, but this? It had been conveniently scrubbed from any speech or promise.

On the screen a woman in a white lab coat was holding up a syringe. She moved to the side of a long white table where a mutant lay on the table, strapped down, and giving what Sabrina could only guess was a smile. She instantly felt guilty when she winced at his appearance. Some mutants could pass as human, like herself. At least until her eyes started glowing. Others were even considered beautiful in their mutant form: Warren and Emma, for example. But others… others like Kurt or Hank were like a blaring neon sign: Mutant Right Here!

This mutant was one of those mutants, and Sabrina was ashamed to say she could understand why he would want a cure. His skin was a sickly yellow with little white puss-like bumps all over, and where his mouth had once been was a large beak. The camera zoomed in on all his features: webbed hands and feet, eyes that resembled a snake, and odd wing-like appendages branching out from his neck. Sabrina had been taught every mutation was a gift, and she knew a talent lay within just waiting to be found, but she couldn’t help but feel sorry for this particular mutant. She imagined the pain and cruelty he’d endured, always rejected and running, never safe…

Her thoughts were torn from the poor creature on the screen by strong hands wrapping around her waist. She tried to turn, but Hank was pressed firmly at her back. “You looked like you were going to faint,” he murmured into her ear, and she tried not to shiver at the closeness. “You don’t have to watch if you don’t want to,” he added, and she felt herself relax against him. It was hard to be this close to him after last night, and while she couldn’t know his intentions without touching her bare skin to his she could sense deep concern and care rolling off him. It was a familiar sensation, one he often had in her presence, and an odd source of comfort.

Considering what was happening on the screen she was extremely grateful for that comfort.

The doctor on screen bent down to inject the mutant, and everyone leaned forward, holding their breath. The mutant on the table seized, jerked, twisted with a cry of pain followed by a short scream before he fell back to the table. The cameras zoomed in on his skin as it began to smooth and shift back to a healthy tan. The things on his neck began to shrink, as did the beak, and in a few more seconds a young man of maybe twenty one lay on the table breathing deeply and looking as normal as everyone else on the screen.

Cries from some of the students – both positive and negative – were balanced by the solemn silence from all the adults. The cameras turned to a man in an expensive suit who was grinning ear from ear. Hank tensed against Sabrina, and she knew he knew the man on screen. Carefully she placed a gloved hand over his own hoping it would soothe or calm.

“Today is a monumental day for all humans and mutants!” The man cried. “No longer will humans live in fear. No longer will mutants have to hide. Together we will unite, and move forward as one!” People on screen cheered, but a deep sense of foreboding seeped into Sabrina causing her to shiver. Instinctively she nuzzled closer to Hank, and his grip around her tightened.

“The students have questions,” Charles said into her mind, and she knew he was speaking to all of his X-Men. “We will do our best to answer them, continue on the day as planned, and later we will meet to discuss our next steps.”

Their next steps. Because all the adults understood what the children had yet to figure out: this “cure” was being sold as a gift to all, and whether you wanted it or not you were going to have it forced on you. It was just a matter of time.

[guqinstrings]

-ˋˏ🌥 ┈┈ @mythvoiced Jiang Wanyin inquired ; ❛  do you have anything to say?  ❜

   THERE ARE MANY THINGS that could be said to this man. That could be shouted, yelled, thrown angrily at him with everything that rushed through him when he saw him. There is always a cacophony of emotions inside of him whenever he sees Jiang Wanyin and his angry and hateful gaze. None of them were ever good either, however instead of voicing those he needed to constantly remind him that this man was and will remain important to Wei Wuxian. Even in death. 

   Understandably, Lan Wangji is aware that Jiang Wanyin has suffered. He has lost, in such a short amount of time, things that no person should lose all at once in their entire lifetime. He is the only remaining member of his family aside from a young child, and he had to rebuild his Sect from the ground. The charred remains of what he considered his home. Within that, the strength to do so, is very clear to see. No one, not even Lan Wangji, would ever take that from him. The praise and understanding he deserves for what he managed to overcome. 

   However, he still allows his grief to turn to anger and that anger to consume him.

   Jiang Wanyin has suffered. Consumed by his own suffering he fails to realize the pain in others. It was because of him that Lan Wangji lost the person in this world who meant everything to him. A man who was suffering just as Jiang Wanyin is, who believed he was doing the right thing and wanted to give innocent people a chance to live. Out of the bones of all those people, all Lan Wangji managed to save was one child. One innocent child. That was what the Burial Mounds were, children and the elderly. Which Jiang Wanyin knew. 

   Is he better than him? No. Lan Wangji had not done anything else to help Wei Wuxian either. However, he also wasn’t the one they say struck him down. 

   And that is what he holds against him. 

   As many words as he wants to say to this man, even fewer will actually leave his mouth. His gaze remains fixed on Jiang Wanyin’s face, the way watches him like a snake waiting to strike. Their meetings are always like this, Jiang Wanyin bubbling in his anger just at the precipice of exploding and Lan Wangji staring him down, his eyes full of confliction and anger. In the thirteen years since Wei Wuxian’s death, he has never once stepped foot in Lotus Pier and he never has any intention of going there. Stubborn in his anger toward this man. 

   Breathing calmly he blinked once more at Jiang Wanyin before turning around and starting to make his way away from him in the opposite direction.