#and it doesnt explain it right away. you just have to discover it alongside the kids

[sasaranurude]

Obviously I have nostalgia goggles but I think digimon adventure may still be one of the best childrens shows of all time

[frankendykes-monster]

So probably the best way to start this is to mention the obvious and say that Joker (2019) has pretty much all of nothing to do with...The Joker.  I had mention to someone else a week or two back, but for as much as The Joker can work in a wide variety of stories, the character is inherently limited, my go-to phrase being “one dimensional.”  The Joker’s ongoing motivation is that he wants to defeat Batman, nothing more, nothing less.  “Killing Batman” is only a single part of it, “it” being proving that Batman is fallible and has some weakness.  There are characters like The Riddler that zero in on a single aspect of that such as, surely there are some problems that can be created that even The World’s Greatest Detective cannot solve, but The Joker is a convenient character in that he can be applied to any aspect of Batman’s character, which is why you get stories like Batman and The Joker getting into a surfing contest, because it all goes back to that theme of if there’s something that Batman is not the best at, Batman is ultimately doomed to fail (with regards to suspension of disbelief that is needed for superheroes to work, both creators and the audience have to commit to the concept that superheroes existing 100% makes the world around them a better place, and a major incoming failure on Batman’s part makes for greatest suspense in that it threatens that concept.)

But then, there lies the issue.  Joker does not actually have any driving motivation for WHY he wants to defeat Batman, he simply is.  It’s my theory on why no origin story has ever permanently stuck, because you can’t ever really make sense of that.  This compounds itself into Batman and Joker’s relationship and can never really evolve, it’ll play out in the same way every time just with new set dressing.  What you can do is raise the stakes, but with the back to back publishing of “The Killing Joke” and “A Death in The Family” in 1988, raising the stakes meant making The Joker a sadistic serial killer at the cost of everything else about the character, creating a Joker where everyone questions why he deserves to be alive to appear in another comic three to six months down the pipeline.  There have been some instances of trying to make The Joker more nuanced, like Grant Morrison introducing the concept of “super sanity” in their Batman work and addressing how The Joker reinvents his personality on the fly, but it’s ultimately set dressing that doesn’t alter anything.

So, that begs the question of why Joker, the film, calls itself “Joker” in the first place or why it takes place in Gotham instead of New York and blah blah blah the short answer is if they didn’t, Warner Bros wouldn’t have been able to rake in a billion dollars.  It’s on par with Sony deciding to make Venom (2018) and never addressing why Venom has those large white eye covers if his design isn’t based on Spider-Man, I’ll give Joker (2019) the compliment that it’s more interesting than that film at least.  I really did not want to bring up all this Batman shit while watching this but then they started addressing Thomas Wayne and I began mentally groaning.  I don’t want to dive into the concept of how or if the Batman mythos is impacted if you make Thomas (and Martha Wayne, who like in most Batman stories is more of a cameo than an actual character here) a shitty person, but then again I wouldn’t have to bring that up if the film didn’t cram it in in the first place.  I am...SO...SO THANKFUL I did not see any memes or theories or head canons surrounding “B-B_BUH JOCKER IS BEETMANS HALF BROTHER?????/???” which...whatever. Come to think I didn't see anyone bitch that he doesnt become The Joker until 90 minutes in either.  I think the majority of my goodwill (what turned it from, oh you know the good outweighs the bad enough for me to be able to tell someone this is watchable, to, oh you can skip this) was destroyed at the Waynes getting shot scene with, WHOOPS, The Joker was responsible (indirectly!)  That gave me BAD Batman (1989) flashbacks, and when you remind me of Batman (1989), you kind of do get on my bad side.  Fuck that movie.

SO.  In the midst of ALLL of this.  Let’s talk about the “““real source material”““ for Joker (2019): Taxi Driver (1976) and The King of Comedy (1982).

I don’t think I’m ruffling any feathers by saying that that is the case and that both of those films are wayyy better than Joker (2019).  I mean, there’s a reason why Robert De Niro was not only cast in this film, but he’s second billed right under Joaquin Phoenix.  Those are two fairly different films but they’re, at their core, stories of men who are ticking time bombs of violence ready for someone to light the fuse.  It’s another point against Joker (2019), not only for reminding me of much better films, but forcing me to ask why another pastiche of this story needed to be told.  Martin Scorsese kind of made his career with a monopoly on men losing their shit and everyone around them being caught in the tornado.  Joker (2019) admittedly plays the material much differently, in that all the way through we are supposed to sympathize with Arthur Fleck and stand alongside him every step of this of his downward spiral, and even with where he ends up, I’ll admit I don’t have an issue with that, but the film struggles with making me care half the time.  Like, yes, when Arthur is alone at home trying not to go awol, yeah, I get that, but at other times there’s stuff like how Arthur’s relationship with Sophie is never developed in any meaningful capacity, like why is enamored with him, why is she not as disturbed by him as most other people seem to be?  When we discover she’s not real, that explains it from a logical perspective I guess, but it isn’t a shock or a gut punch.

Can I be real for a second?  There are a lot of moments in this film where it made me embarrased as a neurodivergent person.  The number of people who definitely saw this, because, once again, it made a billion dollars, and came away thinking oh so that’s what mentally ill people are like, even if they’re sympathetic about it, it makes me sigh.

Even though the crux of this film is Arthur’s descent, it desperately wants to be important.  I know I’m not the first person to make this observation, but it does read like, oh, what’s popular now?  Incels?  Better make part of Arthur’s character arc that he can’t hit up any actual real women so he has to entertain himself with fantasies.  Antifa?  Better make it so Arthur accidentally inspires a movement of nebulous anti-rich people who all wear masks.  And so on and so on with no actual commentary while simultaneously it’s not really world-building either because it’s so front and center to the plot. I gotta say, if the film is about people in general not putting up with things anymore after being shat on nonstop, why oh why is there a joke aimed at a little person pretty early on, even through some meta lense where “oh the person telling the joke is an asshat who dies later so it’s cool”?

Now I’m not sure what to say next about the film itself so I guess now would be a good time to discuss the film’s ~impact~ as it were.  If it weren’t for Parasite (2019) I’d have no problem saying this was the biggest film of 2019 in the grand scheme of things, like EVERYONE came in with every possible perspective on this thing long before it came out.  I remember how back in like, late-2017/early-2018?  A bunch of people were shitting on the announcement of this film and Warner Bros had to do damage control by releasing some on-set photos of the second subway scene two days later.  It’s surreal more than anything actually watching this film now and seeing, wait, this is what everyone was memeing about nonstop?  This is a mainstream film?  With the directions it goes in?  With the topics it brings up?  Well I’ll be damned.  This is probably the first time since Les Miserables (2013) and Man of Steel (2013) where a movie comes out and no two people have the exact same opinion on it, so I’m curious as to how Joker is going to age in like, a decade.  So fucking weird that this is called a “superhero film” in retrospect just because it shares a name with a comic book character owned by the same company that developed and distributed this.

I wouldn’t be talking about this film if it wasn’t called “Joker” but then again hey nobody else would either.  I don’t hate this film despite how I’ve said nothing positive about and I was pretty prepared to call it “barely good” before the finale, so I don’t regret watching it, I don’t know what the fuck to say anymore.  Gang Weed memes are pretty funny if you haven’t actually seen any in the wild.  1940: “Let’s throw him into chemicals.”  2019: “Let’s throw him into society.”

[oh-theatre]

Just A Remnant Now

A/n: lmao this is so bad im so sorry,,, lmaooo ITS SO BAD

TW: Death, spirit, spit, farting, destroy, pain, graphic descriptions, ANGST, no happy ending

“Im sorry Remus I cant talk to you right now, its been months and I cant figure out where this spirit energy is coming from” Logan huffs. “Tomorrow is my presentation and if i have nothing to show for it my entire funding, this project crumbles” He rambles. Remus follows him, his feet carry a sweet lightness as he listens.

“What will they do with the spirit or ghost?” Remus questions, sitting on one of the cold benches focusing hard as he fiddles with something in his hand. A cold breeze as Logan snatches the tool away from him. “Hmph” Remus pouts

“My guess? Ill get a whole team of scientists! A whole new lab with facilities and so much more! And ill tear it apart and study every aspect” Logan beams, the glint in his eye sickened Remus.

“So you'll kill it?” Remus scoffs “Seems kinda brutal”

“No ill just...take it apart to...examine its..origins and what it can do and...its a ghost what does it matter Remus?” Logan inquires, typing viciously away at his keyboard. 

“They still have feelings, their sensories are there!” Remus argues, feeling his face flush. “The way you plan to tear them apart is inhumane! Its against their will Logan, they are still forms of living. 

“They are, in every sense of the word, not Remus. They are dead, figments of what used to be. They cant feel pain, or emotion, they are a remnant” Logan explains

“They are more than that! Lo you're not listening!” Remus stands now, Logan could be intimidating but Remus towered over the scientist. 

“Im not listening because you don't know what youre talking about”  Logans cold glare would pierce anyone but not Remus. “You're just my engineer.” He spits

Though i wish we could be more, both think in unison through their frustration.

 “They have the memories of their old life, they have feelings, they have feelings of the world they must traverse through now as a spirit. They develop feelings, emotions, memories and more. They travel through to the middle ground between living and dead. If they accept it, they move on but some choose to stay!” Remus finishes, his breath cold as it spits on Logan. “Some don't have a choice! Some are tethered! But they aren't just ghosts Logan. They live in the now, through whatever means. Tearing them apart with my molecular design would kill them, and every ounce of pain felt would hurt just as much as it would to you.” Remus finishes, his body shakes, he tries his best to keep solid to the ground. 

“You've developed emotions for these things” Logan rolls his eyes. His judgment was not missed. “And if im not mistake, its your device Remus” Logan reminds

“You're right...it is” He turns to where the device sits immaculate, his design perfect. Such as the mad genius he was. He took his work in his hands, feeling every ounce of metal and wiring that was in it. Then, in the flash of an eye, the machine crashed. It fell to the ground with the force of anger, Logans shock and frozen state was unmissable as the pieces clattered around the ground. 

“What have you done” He whispers viciously. Remus stands triumphant feeling the pain inside. 

“What I should have done as soon as I made it” Remus sighs.

“Why do you care so deeply for these things! You have no idea what they are or what they do!” Logan yells, his voice echoes through the lab.

“For how smart you are.. youre so fucking dumb Logan!” Remus argues back. “For months the same spiritual energy has been popping up on your monitor! You couldn't put two and two together?” He smirks. “You really think after your failed convention last year they would send you an engineer?” 

“What are you saying” Logan breathes

“You're so dumb Logan!” Remus swipes an angered hand across the table, tools crash to the ground. 

“Stop calling me that” Remus’s accusations had cut deep.

“You call me that at least once every hour!”  The continue arguing, it hurts each of them more than can be described. Each new insult is a breach to the relationship they had built up over the past year.  Finally Remus couldn't keep it in anymore. “Im the spirit Logan!” 

the silence that fell through the lab was piercing. 

“I didn't want to move on because fuck closure, so i found you. I liked what you were doing...or at least what i thought you were doing. But once i had built the machine i could have left...but I liked you Logan. Plus you hadn't found a spirit! I thought hey maybe this will be the final piece of the puzzle...” Logans speechless breaths were terrifying. Remus cant help but reach out, he focuses allowing his hands to solidify. He takes Logans hands. “Watch” He instructs, after a quick thought Logans hands fall through Remus’s hold. 

“no no” He tries desperately to grasp to Remus, he wants to feel his hands. “No no lies lies all of it” He spirals, Remus just watches knowing this was inevitable. Remus feels a tug at his heart, he works quickly and the machine is one again. Logan remains at his desk, murmuring nonsense. 

“Lo?” Remus for all his chaos, had the softest voice. “Take me...to the demonstration tomorrow” he offers. Logan looks up finally, his eyes red from thoughts. “I was just another chess piece for your game, just use me...i don't think i wanna stay around much longer anyway” He sighs.

“No Remus. We have to stop this project.”

“what?” Remus barely breathes. 

“I was wrong...I was wrong and so misguided.” Logan admits, he has no idea if his next move would work but he takes Remus hands feeling a warmth as they stay solid in his hold. “You were never a piece...but I was wrong. Because they can feel, you feel...and I feel you” He moves a hand to Remus cheek. Logan had never seen this energetic bumble of ‘not safe for work’ jokes and buzzing laughter so...tired. And it was his fault. “You feel pain and joy and sadness and-”

“Love” Remus adds, Logan holds back his desperation. 

“I was truly an idiot, I was so focused on not looking like a failure I forgot my true goal. To discover and explore...not destroy” Logan sighs “I wanted to learn, but i let that go and became this”

“You dont wanna...destroy?” Remus cant quite wrap his head around it. 

“No god. I wanted to understand! But i let the success and money get to me. And i lost sight of who I was. You arent a danger...you are a miracle” He smiles ever so slightly. “SOmething I love so much is not worth destroying” He states

“Love?” Remus feels himself relax. 

“So..so much” Logan says

“Hah you're in love with a ghost” Remus teases, Logan sighs with a giggle and a playful eye roll. 

“I still have the machine remus” Logan threatens with a grin. Remus steps back and gasps his collar. 

“How dare thee!” He cries ever so mockingly. “I thought you cared”

“Woe is you” He laughs quickly pulling Remus into a kiss. 

Yeah its weird, but so intriguing. He expected a cold chill but received warmth in Remus’s embrace. 

They canceled the demonstration and gracefully stepped away. Years passed and Logan desperately tried to find a solution, he wanted Remus to stay, to be here in all his physical form. But on a quiet fall night, Remus was sprawled across the couch trying to dunk cheese balls into his mouth. Logan sat at his work bench concocting as he did. Logan had had his doubts over the years, Remus was a ghost. But Remus explained that the longer he was on earth he felt tethered a developed a physical form. He wasn't a human but he wasn't a ghost, almost a third party but he was real. 

But he was fading. 

And Logan worked tirelessly to find out what he could do. He had consulted with Virgil and Patton, two scientists who had done great strides for the world of science. He constantly worked alongside Janus but to no avail. Remus was fading, he would have to go soon. Remus didn't mind, all he tried to do was comfort his partner but Logan, for as smart as he was, was in deep denial. 

But this fall night, as a cheesy treat fell into Remus’s mouth his image flickered. This caught Logans eye from his work. 

“Remus?” He rushed over watching Remus sit up straight. The flickers were slow before they became full glitches and constantly. “No i need more time. Surely.” He could feel his tears coming. 

“Promise me youll find someone? Whos maybe not a farting ghost” Remus shrugs, Logan shakes his head, this wasnt the time for jokes. “Logan you knew this was coming. Also lets be honest, it was weird im a ghost”

“You're not though! You're a tethered!” He cries

“Guess my tether snapped” Remus sighs. He wanted to spend these last few moments in sweet bliss but instead, in true Logann fashion, he was arguing. “Come cuddle me you obnoxious man” He pouts

He knows its a joke but the sadness in Remus’s eyes finally catches up to the scientist. He obliges sitting with Remus. They do cuddle, and Remus finally lets go. His tears are soft and he doesnt think much but he doesnt know whats going to happen next. 

“You should get a dog” He sniffles, Logan laughs dryly stroking the messiest hair he had ever known. “Also Janus totally likes you” Remus wasnt oblivious to the way Janus looked at Logan. But he didn't mind, Logan was his...but he wanted his partner to be happy once he was gone. 

“Perhaps, but let me just...let me mourn alright?” Logan asks

“Fine, but promise me you wont mourn forever, please?” He holds up his pinky, Logan rolls his eyes but promises either way. Remus leans up a tad to kiss Logans cheek. “Lets just sit here ok?” He requests, Logan grants it. “I love you Logie” He knows that only he is allowed to call him such a name. They sit in silence, feeling the heartbeats and warmth. Every intimate move felt so careful. 

“I love you so much” He says after a moment of silence, he awaits a response but looks down to see Remus was no longer there. A small gasp as he takes to his chest. This is what it felt like, so much pain. They never conducted the experiments but as he clutched his heart and sobbed loudly he imagined this was close enough. 

[randomkposts]

Up the down way

So I once wanted to write a FFIV AU, with a very different universe and an OC Callian Jackson. here was my attempt at note taking.

Callian is here in the story as Kain and Rosa's best friend. Kain and Rosa are dating, and with Callian here, there is a different dynamic to their friendship, as Kain has two girls teaming on him to do things, and is probably not left alone to brood as often as he would like, among other things. Callian is mostly here, because Cecil was being raised elsewhere, and Callian is a girl who lost both her parents in the war, and chose to take up the way of the dark knight, and passed it, becoming good enough to be a Captain of the red wings. She is not a cannon clone of Cecil or Kain, though she may take some elements of the roles, she is ultimately her own weirdo in the story. I do not intend her to be an expy, and hopefully she does not come off as a Sue either.  Cecil is still in this story, just obviously not here in Baron. He'll probably show up briefly soon. The characters will not be as you remember, because the blue planet they grew up in is not the one we are used to, and there are some odd consequences to that. The social chemistry of the world is different, and so are they.

Is a bit of a parody and an AU Alice in Wonderland style, in that the characters can be downright odd.

Plot:  When Callian Jackson's invasion of Mysidia goes wrong, she is sent to be a delivery person as atonement. Callians invasion likely went wrong because of a stray berserk spell, and her soldier's went nuts on the people. Never less, a good commander should rise above that, and accomplish the mission, keep the men's respect. Kain, wondering what Rosa was talking about, Comes into the room to ask, and ends up getting sent alongside Callian to Mist. ---

The scene starts with Callin quietly but furiously questioning her men,  and her men too ashamed to say anything to her, beyond monster warnings. She begins, quietly, and intensely angry, getting details about the mission , until a monster attack distracts her, much to their relief. To the king, she is quietly upset, trying  to hold her temper. Kain wanders into the room, and gets sent along. She does let it out when Rosa comes to her room, as Rosa often serves as an outlet.

Differences from IV: Kain is dating Rosa, and is not nearly as broody or secretive in part to having two woman who would pester him if he was off. Rosa is a lot more outspoken, and has Scrying abilities, as well as being Paranoid of Troians.  Callian had a crush on Kain, but when Rosa asked him out, they talked about it, and Calians happy for them. I think in the original, Cecil was a peacemaker who asked Rosa to leave Kain alone,even when he deserved a chewing out.

Day two: They leave the castle with a  feeling of Destiny in their hearts. At Baron, Calian goes and finds stuff with "treasure hunter senses", and Kain goes to buy supplies, (bartering , an act learned from Rosa).  While Kain contemplates sporks, he runs into fan-girls and an eager dancer, and helps Calian take a tent from a river when he jumps. Once out of Town, the two decide to train like mad, then ride  the Chocobos to the mountain , so they go south. They earn goblin and cocatrice. Meanwhile, at the castle, a Scrying Rosa sees them going the wrong direction, and decides to catch up with them using many Hermes sandals, and remembering why using too many items outside of battle is bad (made her more susceptible to the illness later). Meanwhile, Callian and Kain reach the grove after fighting enough battles with goblins to win the summon , and grab Chocobos. When Rosa arrives after, she sees  a black Chocobo and uses it, much to the pale haired man's upset utterances. -(Yes that is Cecil, Lol)-She flys over the mountain and lands , deciding to rest in the grasslands. Meanwhile Callain and Kain arrive at the mountains, and take a rest instead of going in and facing zombies. (Rosa tells many horror stories) They get through the cave fine, and decide to rest in the tent before entering Mist.

Day two, part two: Well rested, our hero's enter the cave and run into porcupines and the dragon of Mist. Kain is not fond of attacking Dragons, so they try to run, only to have to kill it anyways.  Entering the village, bombs attack from the Carnelian Signet .Rather than Come to the logical conclusion, Callain concludes its a test and she is meant to be foiling a ninja plot , and begins shouting orders and getting people to safety "taking command" of a chaotic situation.She decides to evacuate. Following orders, Kain goes to help a little girl, who- furious her village is being invaded- summons Titan, separating Kain from Callian.  Meanwhile Rosa, believing they would be taken to Kaipo until they were transferred to Fabul and shipped to Troia, wanders around outside of Kaipo, trying to find the blasted place In the desert. She runs into Tellha, who informs her she is not the Mage he's looking for.

Day three: Kain wakes up, and decides to find a place for the little girl he accidentally orphaned to sleep, and perhaps be adopted. So he goes to Kaipo, a neutral city, and more importantly, close.  In the middle of the night, three Guards come for Kain and Rydia. Kain sends them away stating Calian asked him to watch this kid. The Captain then asks if Rosa was here, since she has been missing and that their  purpose here was a search party. Kain offers to take over the desert search party, much to their relief, and they go. Kain is glad that encounter could be solved by negotiating, as that was one of Callins competent Captains. Meanwhile Rosa collapses at Kaipos gates.

The next day, Rydia wakes up and can't remember the attack, or what she's doing here, and asks where her mother is. Kain informs her that her mother is dead. She is quiet after that. They hear some rumors about a girl with desert fever, and some more about the prophetic chick Anna who everyone had talked about the other day when they were looking for an inn. They find Rosa and discover she was the one with desert Fever.  Kain goes off to find a sand pearl, and Rydia comes with him. In fact she refuses to leave him, very assertively. Kain gets Rydia some weapons. Rydia proves competent at Healing, and distracting monsters with weak attacks for Kain to counter. They use this strategy since Kain can't jump and leave her. Beyond battle, Rydia is quiet and unobservant in terrain. Kain has to hold her hand to prevent her wandering off.

Randomly added note.(Edges difference in attitude comes from a more comprehensive training due to an attack on the palace he almost died at. He is quieter and more ninja like.)

R.A.N2(Edward is determined to get the prophet who tried to save him back! He is more determined than sad.)

R.A.N3( Palom is already a sage, spellwise. He had to learn some cure magic until someone gave Porem a cure staff. The problem with the twins is that they are five year old prodigies, who are probably pushed because of paranoia over Baron. They have some issues. Palom has high standards, is hypercritical of himself, and uses lots of false bravado. He needs the rest of the world to believe he's awesome.  Porem has a terrible bedside manor, and anger management issues, so carries a cure staff, so when she hits people, it heals them. They are quite nervous about teaching her hammer style fighting, even if she might be good at it, because no cure hammer has been invented. )

RAN 3.5: (Kain has to protect them on his way up the mountains. That means covering and countering the attacks directed towards them in battle, taking breaks for them, and giving them piggybacks. He also gives Rydia piggybacks. The trip up the mountain is a long and grueling journey. PS: Write a story about Cecil and the twins climbing the mountain, frame as elders revenge)

Finally Kain and Rydia arrive at the cage and meet Tellaha.

Rn4( Tellaha can see the future. Or at least possible outcomes of the future. Kain being here, makes him realize something is different, but he can't quite remember what. He has trouble differentiating between what is a possibility and what is real, leading him to sway between right for the wrong reasons, and completely off base. He seems to believe in the original timeline at the moment, and may leave on a quest for Cecil. Tellah is also amnesic, and can not remember past Anna's eleventh birthday)

Rn4.5 (This world's Anna is kind of Joan of Arc, and Callian’s main opponent, and they will clash more throughout the fic. Callin kind of sees her as worthy adversary, and keeps her alive, but gives her to Kain so she doesnt have to explain it.)

Tellaha informs  them they are late, much to their confusion, and they enter the cave. Throughout the cave, they find several potions, and pieces of dark knight armour and a sword . Kain notes he does not have to worry about getting Callin a birthday present now. Tellaha focuses on teaching Rydia thunder and ice spell words, as fire will not be very useful in an water cave. Rydia tells them the smell of smoke terrifies her.

Kain and Tellaha reconsider their plans to have goblin for dinner, in favour of smoked goblin. Then again, fire keeps away Zombies. Kain and Tellaha debate the merits of fire as they continue through the cave.

(RN5: Rosa has a crazily complex family tree that includes, but is not limited too, Tellaha &Anna, Palom&Porem& Sheila[ Yangs wife]. It debatably includes Rydia. Maybe. Callian of course has no idea of this when she sits down and tries to relate to Rosa just how odd this is.)

(RN6: Rosa hates Troians. Troia, in this universe, are the Amazonian-esque city. They are fierce magical archers who steal or entice men into their castle, in an attempt to sire strong warriors. As a magical archer (white) Rosa is often accused of being one, and has grown a tad resentful. It doesn't help that Rosas family is from Mysidia, Barons former close ally [before the attack], who is traditionally rivals with Troia. Kain has huge respect for ninjas, like Callain has for monks )

After a brief rest, Tellah attacks Kain, asking where they are, who they are, and what happened to his daughter. Kain reminds them of the current quest, and Tellah asks where Cecil is. Kain asks who Cecil is, and they continue  on through the monster packed cave, to face the Octomamoth. Kain has to keep to the strategy of defending Tellaha and Rydia, and countering the monsters attacks, while Tellaha and Rydia put their lightning based attacks to good use. It's a fairly long and painful battle, but they emerge victorious. Upon exiting the cave, they see an attack on Damcyan in the distance. They go to investigate.  

Upon entering Damcyan, they meet Calian at the entrance, with Anna unconscious. Tellaha is out of it.  Calian asks if they have seen Rosa, as she has gone missing. Kain affirms they have, and that she has desert fever, and they need a Damcyan person to get a sand pearl. Callian tells him, that although she still feels disturbed with Baron actions of late, she's happy to report, there were fewer casualties, her men were controlled in temperament, and once the tactician was knocked out, resistance fell apart. She believes Anna may be a genius tactician, and brilliant leader.  

Upon seeing the tactician Anna, Tellaha attacks Callian, accusing her of being a spooney bard who ran off with his daughter, married her without permission , and got her killed.

Callin tells Kain to keep his companions under control, and get their stories straight.  She also insists to Kain she is not a lesbian, and that she better leave if he wants help from the Damcyains. Before going, she tells him she found this among Mist, and gives Kain the bomb item hoping it will be useful to him.

Kain tells Tellaha he was attacking the wrong person, and they should go inside. They see people bringing a either pot downstairs to the wounded, and begin healing them. Rydia and Tellah spend time helping with magic, and Kain uses first aid, and helps with moving people downstairs. Eventually he comes across Edward mourning his mother and father. Kain, having some tact, leaves him alone for now. Once the cleanup is done, they begin moving the bodies Kain comes up, to talk with Edward. (Rosa has had him come on talks to patients families and he and Callian have also done so to their soldiers families).  Kain is still quite blunt, but has learned some thing about talking to grieving people. Sorta.

They have a talk, and he manages to convince Edward to both help them get the sand pearl, and warn Faboul, once his kingdom is better. Rosa being a healer is mentioned. Rydia has no outburst. Once a second for Edward is appointed, they go to move out. Tellah yells at Edward asking what he was doing with his eleven year old daughter, and is asked what he is talking about by Edward. The only Anna he met was the glorious savior of Damcyan.

Tellah gets mad and runs off, much to Kain and Rydias discomfort. Finally they set off for the anitolin den. Much to Kains annoyance,  he is still the group shield. The Antoilon is not a difficult foe, and after many battles they earn not only the sand pearl, but the elusive rainbow jelly for Edward, who is not going to give this one to Callain.

(RN7 Callain is crazy prepared in some ways.  She insists on fighting many monsters with Kain outside of town, to stock up on items & Gil harvester as an ability.  She and Cid had airships capable of invading the moon, that were destroyed by the red wings, because they left them with the RW in preparation to invade the moon. She also has oddly convenient timing, and a love of training people, with a dream to fill the bestiary. She buys every weapon, shield, ect.  It's why Kain had Goblin on him. )

They then battle their way out of the cave,  and take the hover across the shoals. They fight a few battles and get cockatrice summon.

Rydia is pleased. Rosa is revived.

The story goes on, but I haven't moved far past that point.

So some explanations and headcanons to make sense of this verse

Baron is at war with Ebalan. The crystals being stolen and the army, and Callian’s explanation of “foiling a ninja plot” are tied to this. The war started over a catastrophic failure in marriage negotiations.

Rosa is the current heir of Baron. She is tied to the lineage of the throne through her grandmother, a princess who married a mysidian mage, who had her mother, who married a dragoon in Barron. It was a scandalous story back in the day, although it is kept on the down low now that the king has fathered no children, and they are at war. Kain is looked at as the future ruler, because of this. Politics will play a part, particularly during the Fabul castle invasion.  Also Rosa needs to be depicted with more muscle please, she wields a bow for crying out loud. She should be soo buff.

There are rumors that Calian is the heir. Callian plays along with this to protect her friend.

Calian is loyal to her friends, but she is also loyal to her country and the people she leads. She is not leaving on Kain’s quest because she intends to take care of the people back home. I wanted to contrast the personal reasons of Kain being an antagonist from cannon, and avert brainwashing. She’s not as blind as she pretends to be, and comes up with some very bizarre explanations to others in the intention to subvert the malice in her orders. She won't be able to look away forever, but in the meantime she can use “alternative explanations” to do things like prevent Mist from being a genocide, or win Damcyan with less casualties ( Anna of Arc was a pretty big factor in this too). The surviving summoners will play a part later.

Who cast the Berserk spell is a small ongoing mystery. (The brainwashing is not contained to Baron)

At this point in the story, Rydia is amnesic, and I tried to include some realistic symptoms of that. She is also under the impression that Kain is her previously unmet Dad, who came for her after her mom died, and does not remember the invasion, probably the trauma from it. The “Kain is secretly my dad”  is not revealed until after the Faymarch, because it had no reason to come up, and it's pretty hard to dissuade her of it after she has lived with it for years.

Oh, heres some older notes

-“Honesty, my first attempt went from crack to serious, to crack. Like at the beginning, I decided there's no way the mages should be that easy to defeat, so I decided that a berserk spell had been cast on half of both armies. Of course, it's a pretty chaotic battle between being turned into frogs or pigs , and the fire spells, the mages berserking and everything. So, Calian decides, let's complete the objective, get in, get the crystal, get out.

So once she recalls her troops, she is on the airship, and trying to figure out WTF happened. Of course back home!e, she is responsible, and the king is questioning her competence there. He sends her on a milk run to deliver this ring to some nowhere village in the mountains.

Like in canon, Kain comes along.

Rosa talks to her to try to cheer her up that night.

The next day they go to town. Kain goes shopping, and Callian goes Item hunting. When Kain runs into a crazy dancer fangirl, he jumps off a bridge and finds Calian contemplating a tent in the water.

They decide it would be better to catch a Chocobo. Of course they run into so many goblins there they find a goblin summon. (Ffiv has a ridiculously low drop rate) . Then they set up a tent outside the cave.

The next day, they face the dragon, accidentally kill the summoner. Then they find out the purpose of the ring was to summon bombs on the village. Callin interprets it weirdly...

"It is an Ebalanese ninja plot. I must do what I failed last time and take control of the situation. Command it. Kain, help me evacuate."

So, more villagers survive, but Rydia still summons Titan

The nation of Barron is being taken over by Golbez, who is also possessed. He had the king brainwashed, then disposed of and replaced, and Barron is now making war for crystals of other nations, and bombing the village of summoners, and in cannon Cecil and Kain agreed this is not the king we want to work for. Then they are separated by a magic earthquake, and end up on opposite sides of the mountain.  Cecil is left caring for the child whose mother he inadvertently killed, and Kain is presumably taken back to Barron and brainwashed.

In this one , Kain will be with the kid, and Calian will be back in Barron not brainwashed, (yet,) but loyal and willing for the time. She's a capable captain, and as long as she is loyal to home, well someone needs to lead the army.

Like Cecil, she's friends with Kain and Rosa. Unlike Cecil, Kains group dynamic is changed, because I sort of get the feeling that Cecil let Kain brood too much. Like Kain and Cecil were said to be BFF\Rivals, but the game didn't really show it much. There was a love diagram with Kain crushing on Rosa, who was dating Cecil, so I get the feeling that tension was never properly talked out in Cannon, because Kain kind of behaves like a creep towards her when brainwashed,  and then apparently stays on a mountain for 30 years post game. Some shit needs to be said here.

So yah, different dynamic here

So Cailan takes Cecil's role at first, being captain of the red wings, Kains Rival, and generally regarded as essential for being a knight. She worked hard to get there, and is pretty competitive. Cecil is still around, and will show up later, as a different person with different teachings.

She is loyal to her home country and her troops, and that will get her into trouble and scapegoat in the long run.”

So Cecil. Here Cecil is still a dark knight, who grew up the apprentice of the wandering dark knight whose armor we find around the game, and is mentioned in Fabul. As an apprentice to someone who the dark knight class is a family style, he has a lot more battle techniques and equipment then in game. He is investigating why there are increasingly frequent monster attacks,  and trying to find out why the world is out of balance.

Edward sincerely admires Anna.

Anna and her father have hereditary clairvoyance. It takes a toll on them as they age. 

[evenaworm-moved]

literally a summary of my entire campaign (or all i can be bothered to write right now)

@ghostofghostspast so you wanted to hear about my campaign

warning for a bunch of rambling, plot holes, and in general a big unstructured mess as this story is still very early in development and i havent quite figured out how everything goes together yet (and multiple people dont even have names) s o

also theres like. a lot there. i typed a lot. its basically the entire plot of the whole campaign which is: a lot. like i keep going back to update this part as i get further in writing it and im at 2k words right now- yeah okay back here after finishing (for today) and we got 3k+ words down here.

also, warning for gory and gruesome stuffs!

here we go!

the story and first arc, in a very original decision, starts out in a bar with the party members. the bar has a stage with a microphone at one side, and after a little while, a halfling women wearing a long black dress and an intricate heart locket steps up. also, killer heels. 

rather than singing, she pulls out a violin and begins to play. its.. gorgeous music, shes incredibly talented, and with every string her bow crosses over it just feels like you're getting pulled into a universe this song is creating. its almost... enchanting.

surprise you fuckers shes a bard and shes casting (a modified for plot purposes and kind of op version of) sleep. the players will get to make a constitution saving throw, to see if they get to stay awake or not. regardless of what happens to them, the entire rest of the bar falls asleep.

if they manage to stay awake, they can interact with her- enter initiative or talk or whatever, i dont know who these players will be and they could very well do something bizarre and unexpected. she’s going to attempt to rob the bar while the people sleep- if all three members of the party fail their saving throws then they’ll just sleep and awake to find the entire bar groggily rising and most of the money in the room  gone, along with the mysterious violinist.

throughout all of this the woman hadn’t said a word. if they stay awake and say catch her, and get into some sort of conversation, she will talk- but only telepathically.

no matter what happens, she will escape before the rest of the bar wakes up (unless the party pulls some really wild shit). depending on what happens the party may even end up leaving with her- if they don’t, the bar owner will ask them to track her down, as she just stole basically all the valuables in this bar she could get her hands on in the few minutes everyone was asleep.

one way or another they’ll find her- playing violin at a sort of.. community of thieves, having a get together. like a big potluck almost with a bunch of theives from different guilds and groups hanging out. getting there will involve fun side quests and fights, with more or less two slightly different routes: they’ll either be travelling alongside the bard (who’s name is Lealynn, for the record), or travelling alone, attempting to track her down to take her back to the bar and probably get paid.

once they’re at the gathering, they’ll meet a few different npcs- zaaki, a young dwarf boy looking for his dads. plural- there are seven of them and none of them are actually his dad he was just kind of adopted by all of them at once when he joined their guild of sorts at a very young age. or, more he was just taken in, as they all found him abandoned when he was like, 2. with some weird mishaps, they discovered zaaki to be a very powerful sorcerer that just needed some training. however, after several years bad things(tm) happened and zaaki has found himself seperated from all of them. zaaki and lealynn are the only ones here that have prominent roles, but they can talk to/possibly fight depending on what happens other minor people.

preferably they will not just attempt to fight everyone but also they might. if they have gotten here with lealynn, there most likely wont be any fighting at all, unless they just fuck shit up. lealynn will introduce them to the people around, and then probably leave them with zaaki to go play her violin for the rest of the people gathered here (normal music this time, no more disguised spells). if they came here on their own, lealynn will already be playing and they’ll have to figure out how to get in by theirselves. stuff’ll happen! i really cant tell what these currently nonexistent players will end up doing, but i will be making sure they dont fuckin kill off zaaki and lealynn, because we need those two for the plot gosh darn it. another possible way of them meeting zaaki would be, once they’re in, him just going up to them with a poster with seven dudes on it and going “hello have you seen my dads?”

eventually things will happen (wow!) and they'll discover that lealynn doesnt usually steal, as shes actually a very successful violinist and typically makes plenty enough money to keep herself living fine. however, one day she had met zaaki (whos like 8 at present time) and discovered his situation. his current next step in trying to find his dads was to go to a very popular arena, a place some of his dads used to like and go see fights at. the issue was zaaki only knows simple pit pocketing, and tickets are very expensive. lealynn agreed to help him get the money he needs so the two of them could go search for his dads there. lealynn explains all of this to the party members, with zaaki helping at some parts. Lea then asks if they’d be willing to help- they could definitely use the assistance in finding this poor boys dads, and she now does have enough money to get all of them in.

if my players dont say yes then well there goes the plot I GUESS. but with this the first arc ends. yay.

on to arc two! if youre still reading this then holy fucking shit you just read like 1k words of me messily explaining the start of the story and basically everything else is going to be the same sort of mess except possibly even messier

the party (now with lea and zaaki included) goes on more fun adventuring to get to the arena, which is in a somewhat discreet location as it might be slightly illegal? getting there is a little tough, but also on the way they’ll have some cool puzzles and battles as they check a few different places for zaaki’s dads. once they do get there they're actually sold out :^) also, amidst the time it takes to get there, they may get to find out some of lea’s story- if not, it will come up at other times, but to explain it in a simplified way: 4 or 5 years ago (shes currently 21) she had a girlfriend that she dated for like, 2 years. but stuff just stopped working out, as they do, and eventually she broke up with this girl. this totally wrecked the girl emotionally wise, and she threw quite a.. fit. she was a very powerful witch: and, placing a curse on the locket that she had previously given to lea as a gift, she took away lea’s ability to speak. Lea actually used to be a rather successful singer before this incident, and her salty ex was hoping to ruin her career by stealing her voice. it.. backfired on her, as lea adapted and became even more successful as an instrumental violinist. however, she still has no voice. the curse placed on her appears to reside inside the locket, but as much as shes tried, she cant remove the necklace or destroy it. after the fiasco that the breakup was, her now ex girlfriend vanished, and she hasn’t seen her since. lea still wants her voice back, and has spent her free time attempting to track down this ex of hers.

back to the present situation of sold out tickets:

there are several solutions to this puzzle! there are various ways for them to sneak in, or a mini quest where they can buy tickets from a secondhand source, or whatever creative stuff the party comes up with. eventually, they'll end up in the arena!

this arena is a place where gladiators fight each other to the death.  its obviously brutal and not for the faint of heart (zaaki’s poor little baby heart does not take well to this show). fighting tonight is a weirdly young elf girl, who’s only 12 years old. but she’s a fucking champion, and the crowd loves her. apparently she’s been fighting two or three years, as the party may be able to figure out by asking around (the party will also be asking around to see if they can find any clues on the location of zaaki’s parents, which may or may not be succesful depending on who they ask). this kid is named Flip, (im sorry i cant take any of my own characters seriously,) and currently she has a +6 in dex but this is just her at level 1 and she’s gonna be a few more levels up. shes extremely talented at what she does, her entire aesthetic is flowers but also: violently killing people with her big ol’ daisy covered mace. she does wild acrobatics and makes a bunch of one liner puns, all related to flowers. 

after a little bit while the show finishes, with flip beating two different opponents this night, and claiming a prize as usual. i plan on throwing in a spot in here where the players can actually choose to interrupt the fight, if say, their characters find this little girl fighting big, buff grizzly dudes too immoral. they can get theirselves wrapped up in a fight in the arena if they do this- but they can also just sit back and watch and flip will win because shes more than capable of it, the players just may not know this. it’ll definitely be fun to see what happens!

if they interrupt the fight there will probably be a few annoyed members of security, as well as an annoyed Flip. ur actions have consequences! i cant say for certain what all will happen here, but my intention is for them to be able to have a one on one conversation with flip later on in the evening (if they dont end up talking to her in whatever bizarre path they make, they can meet her at an autograph session after the show). they can talk to flip about whatever they want, maybe ask if she knows anything about the whereabouts for zaaki’s parents, or figure out why she’s 12 and a gladiator.

one thing they’ll also discover once getting near her is a necklace she’s wearing, that appears to be half of a metal flower. on a successful investigation roll,  there are more details they can discover: the flat side of the flower half has little notches in it, as though it has a matching half on another necklace that would fit into place with it. the words “little sis” are very carefully etched into the metal.

after talking for a bit, something... weird, happens.

Flip’s necklace begins to float, and suddenly the lightbulbs shatter and candles go out- its pitch black, and all you can see is this necklace floating in the air as it begins to glow. a disembodied, somewhat distorted, young womans voice rings out:

“Whats up motherfuckers.”

 the lights suddenly turn back on, the necklace goes back to normal, and the party will find Flip on her knees, gasping for air. a fresh cut is across her nose, one that will most likely leave a scar. security comes in, hearing the ruckus, but flip ushers them to leave. its safe to assume my players are going to be like “hey what the fuck just happened”

flip is going to explain, but only somewhat. she’ll talk about how, recently, she’s had issues with a sort of “haunting” as she describes it. she says that truthfully, she’s killed so many people, it could easily be any one of them, and that she has no idea which one it was or how to stop them.  This is a lie; Flip has a very good idea of who it might be, but she doesn’t plan on admitting it any time soon (or maybe she will idk what shit my players will get up to in these conversations)

(god ive been typing for like three hours i may have to go to bed before i can finish. whoevers still reading high five)

Lea will bring up that it seems she might need help; Flip will initially turn this down, and i cant really say where the conversation will sprout from there due to the fact it depends on my nonexistent players. the end goal will be for Flip to agree to group up with the rest of them; they all have something they’re looking for, and maybe if they all help each other eventually they’ll all fix their problems together. Flip should agree to meet back up with them tomorrow morning, and the rest of the party will go to an inn and sleep.

the next morning is probably where i insert a chance for the players to level up and go shopping for some items. its also the part where i give up at separating this story into arcs! i’ll figure that shit out Later

fuckin umm.. its late so my storytelling will probably begin gradually devolving. 

the next day our heroes will meet back up and discuss. Flip mentions that they may have most luck figuring things out with her haunting if they go to the arenas base of operations. the arena is somewhat part of a chain, all run by one person. he doesnt have a name yet but i’ve been calling him “mr. bitch business boy”. for now i’ll just call him mr. b. the party will travel to this place. However, Zaaki stays behind; he’s a little boy and doesn’t want to get super involved with all of this killing stuff! The other NPCs (and hopefully the players) agree to keep an eye out for information on his dads. its a large, sleek collection of buildings surrounded by a high tech gate and a bunch of people guarding it. 

for something kind of illegal, they’ve got a lot of big stuff going on.

there are three main areas they can check out: one, on the left, the smallest building. it has no windows and only two heavy metal doors. in the middle, you have the largest building,several stories, which does have some windows and looks kind of like.. a combination between a big fancy hotel and a business building, but also super like ~modern~ and stuff. it has a fountain in front. And lastly, on the right, is the second biggest building out of the three, but still considerably smaller than the middle one. while it is large, its still only one story. Flip can inform the party that the middle one is where the boss, mr. b, resides.

its the players choices where they check out first. but first, before any of that is seen actually, they have to get past security at the gate- this can either be done via initiative or via something else, up to them!

in the building on the right, they find a long, wide hall filled with seats and benches, and.. people. a lot of people, some holding papers, others holding weapons, and all looking like they’re both ready for a fight and a job interview. at the end of the hallway is another room, with a door and a big glass window  looking out at the rest of the hall. every once in awhile, a dragonborn man at the desk will call out “next” and someone will rise from the seats. Flip seems confused by this area, and Lea just seems weirded out by the entire business in general.

upon entrance, a few people will gasp at seeing Flip, and she’ll wave a bit to them. But one half-orc woman (un-named currently but also i love her) will run right up, going “oh my gosh, you’re flip, right?! i love all of your performances!” and the party will engage in a conversation with her. assuming that people ask questions, they can get a few answers. She’ll explain that this is where people apply to become a fighter for the arena, and it’s always been a dream of hers (what a weird dream man) to become a fighter in this organization. Flip is a little confused, as she didn’t go through any of this when she joined; but the half-orc says that sometimes there are definitely special cases where people are just found. if anyone mentions zaaki’s dads, she actually will know some things about them. she’ll explain that she was good friends with them, and when zaaki was really little and the dads were just getting the hang of raising a kid, she would sometimes babysit. however, she then gets a little sad, mentioning that she actually hasnt heard anything from them in a year. she doesn’t know where they are, but they’re probably not here. eventually she gets called up to go talk to the dragonborn behind the desk, and she bids you all farewell cheerfully and goes off for a.. sort of job interview, i guess.

there are a few other things people can check out here, but nothing i’ll bother mentioning here.

if they try to go to the tiniest room on the left, they’ll have to fight more security (no talking your way out of this one). inside they find a small hallway, some closets, and an elevator at the end that they just cant gosh hecking get open! meaning its puzzle time but i havent come up with a puzzle yet but THERS A PUZZLE and they solve it cool. once inside the elevator, they just see rows upon rows of buttons, starting at ground level (1) and then going down, down, down.

at any level they choose, they will just find large collections of rotting corpses, getting newer the deeper down they go. this horrifies flip, and if the players choose to view multiple floors, flip will stay in the small hall outside. Lea remains with the players, but extremely solemn. there are two special floors in this collection. there are 31 floors. at the 31st floor, they will find the most recent dumped bodies; and one of them is actually still just a little alive (but in a horrible, horrible state). It’s a tiefling man, and with a hoarse voice he will usher the players over. he does not ask for help, merely asks them to not forget about him. he tells them his name and his story in hopes that someone won’t forget he existed. if it occurs to the players, they can actually heal and help him escape this terrible mass graveyard. this will result in an advantage for them later on, and also just make them like fucking feel better about themselves y’know.

the other thing that they can find is on an undecided as of now floor, but will probably be a random number, as to make it less likely for them to end up at it. because what they will find is, well a bunch more dead bodies, but with a successful perception check they will notice one young woman's corpse that is wearing a necklace. this necklace has half a flower on it- and matches Flips. most of it is a bit rusted and dirty, making it hard to read, but you can more or less make out “Big sis” etched out into the metal. its the players choice whether they bring this up to flip once back outside with her.

Once grouped back up, Flip suggests they go and talk to Mr. B (if they havent gone in that building already). for once, security lets them in the building. inside is a rather extravagant sort of lobby, with two staircases on either side, and a semi-circle desk in the area between them. a dark elf woman with glasses sits their, seeming to be checking off things in a book. the players can go approach the woman, and ask to see mr. b

and i am not at all done (still have like, half a story and half the main npcs to introduce) but this is over 3k words and it is 12 am so i will stop for now, and continue in a new post tomorrow! 

if anybody has name suggestions for the bar owner at the beginning, the half orc lady, or the dark elf-- just lemme know i have so many npcs to name and not enough creativity. also, if you read all of this, just.. holy shit. gimme ur thoughts! 

also i am open for suggestions to name the campaign

[susantregre]

Sensory Processing Might Look Different Than You Expect

Sensory processing is a term becoming more and more familiar to parents.

However, there are still a number of misconceptions, and sensory processing might look different than you expect.

There are often sure fire ways to know your child has sensory issues. However, there are also some  behaviors that get overlooked. It took me eight years to really understand that this was an issue for my child, and I wish I had seen the signs earlier.

Sensory Processing Might Look Different Than You Expect

When looking at sensory processing, parents often assume that their child with sensory needs will become overwhelmed by and shy away from too much stimulus.

Loud noises will be challenging.

Crowds will lead to melt downs.

Tags and socks that aren’t straight will drive a child mad.

They often have problems with textures so picky eating can be a symptom.

A child with sensory needs may not want to touch slime, foam, or other such materials because the feel will agitate them. When working with or parenting kids who respond to sensory experiences in this manner, parents quickly and appropriately turn to exploring the idea of a sensory processing disorder.

However, the paragraph above doesn’t describe my own child at all, and yet we are still exploring sensory issues.

I had a friend recently describe the struggles with her son. She could have been describing my own child.

I asked, “Have you considered sensory processing?”

She said, “That doesn’t resonate at all.” She continued to explain that he doesn’t have any of the issues I’ve just described above. It took talking to her about how sensory needs look different in different kids for her to say, “Oh my. That might be exactly what we are dealing with.”

I explored some of the common misconceptions about sensory processing, but what I want people to understand is that each child has been created unique.

How sensory needs manifest in one child might look extremely different than another child.

While some people think it is all about the child naturally avoiding stimulus due to sensory overload, the opposite can be true. The need for sensory experiences can be great and yet the brain has a hard time regulating the sensory event. Therefore, a child craves and seeks out the experience, but it leads to a negative behavior outcome.

Some sensory experiences can be calming to a child and others might result in an explosion of emotions. This was hard to recognize in my child. The frustration and agitation would be bottled up and the meltdown would often come later than the sensory experience, making it difficult to tie the two together. 

Let me describe some of the things we experience just in case you say, “Oh my. That’s my child.”

My child can go from 0 to 60 in a matter of seconds.

When things don’t go her way, there can be a melt down. I believed that she was just acting spoiled, not recognizing that this might be part of how she was made.

What her occupational therapist discovered in testing is that she has a highly developed visual cortex. What an amazing gift, right? But with all positive traits, there can be a struggle that comes alongside it. The sensory struggle that pairs with a strong visual cortex is that often times these individuals have a strong visual movie playing out in their mind.

Since they have everything planned out visually, when real life deviates from that plan, the brain has a hard time processing the change. The result can be extreme frustration as their brain is already locked on to what should be happening. The outcome experienced in the home is a melt down or fits of rage.

My child craved sensory experiences. She wanted nothing more than to be around a lot of people and seemed to seek out things that might overstimulate. She was that creative child who wanted to paint, but she didn’t want to just use paper and a brush. There was a desire to touch the paint and perhaps paint the walls rather than just the paper provided. She loved to get into nail polish, glitter, shaving cream or gak.

As a mom, I sought to give her a lot of sensory experiences. Frustration as a parent would set in when she would seek out these experiences on her own, getting into the craft closet and exploring what glitter and glue would look like on her dresser or bed sheets. Clothes would be drawn on, often scribbling on her clothes at an older age. The sensory need would consume her, but rather than having a calming effect, it would often escalate hyper or out of control behavior to levels that were unmanageable.

Other sensory experiences were extremely calming to her, as we discovered more in therapy. She had a high need for pressure on her body, which explains the tight and intense hugging that occurred and wasn’t always welcome by the recipients. The desire to wear jeans that were too tight could also be understood. It explains all of the rubber bands stacked on her arms and wrists. It even gives answers to why  waddling was the one way to calm her as a baby. Wrapping her body tightly in a blanket or letting her chill in her Lycra swing is now a strategy we use to calm when she becomes overloaded. 

Some of the more commonly thought of sensory issues apply to her too: a desire to chew everything, a need to move and have vestibular input, and the fact that she easily becomes agitated.

One reason it was hard to identify a need in my child is that she is extremely bright.

She performs high academically and has never had obvious behavioral issues in school. She is well liked by teachers and peers. What we didn’t realize is that she had developed coping strategies at school for the areas in which her body was screaming against her. When she felt overwhelmed, she would push her feet intensely into the ground. She would keep her hands in her desk to bend the corners of a notebook over and over again. Her water bottle would be chewed on throughout the day. The stress experienced by any over-stimulus would also build up throughout the school day, and she would let out all that tension at home. This made the after-school experience challenging for our family.

  Identifying sensory processing as a need is not an excuse for allowing negative behavior to continue, but it’s a recognition that I, as the parent, might need to seek out different tools and try different parenting strategies to teach each of my children in a unique way – just as they are each uniquely made.

In therapy, I am reminded that our goal is to give my child and myself the strategies to positively handle the challenges that may come. Further, the occupational therapy is aimed, not to pacify, but to actually create new pathways in the brain.

I am hoping our story might give you some of the tools, answers, and understanding about sensory processing.

It may have caught you off guard that sensory processing might look different than you expected. Light bulbs might be going off in your own brain about some of the behaviors you see in your child. I know that the description of my child is only one snapshot into a sensory kid, and that there are many other stories that deviate from my own and yet fall under the same category. The goal is to become educated and equipped while loving and parenting your child well.

I would encourage you to seek more information if this describes your child. You also might find these 35 sensory aids and ideas to help with SPD a great resource.

The post Sensory Processing Might Look Different Than You Expect appeared first on Kids Activities Blog.

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