#and it doesnt occur to them that it could or should go any other way

[chompe-diem]

.

[mspaintbrush]

Mauga thoughts

He is a biter

He WILL bite you if you hold him down

The only one who can really keep Mauga under control after Baptiste left Talon is Doomfist

Doomfist uses violence for that (of course) (he has been bit while holding him down) (uses his gauntlet hand around Maugas head now)

Mauga refuses to let Moira experiment on him (even though she'd love to), my boy has had enough of unpermitted alterations to his body, even though he liked the changes the first time

He really doesnt get along with Reaper

Reaper is very bitter/serious/stern about the fights and Talon's mission, completely opposite of Mauga who sees it as a game and a fun way to spend his time

Reaper tells Mauga regularily that this isnt a game and that he should stop playing with dying men

Mauga is not impressed by any of reapers threats, he finds them amusing at best

#1 reaper bully, walks through him on purpose on a daily basis just cause he likes the feeling of the smoke on his skin

Sombra sympathizer

There are not many other fun people to spend time with at Talon anyways

Sombra is weary of him and pretty quickly saw through his happy and laid-back mask when she watched him in battle

But she also doesnt have many optional conversation partners at the base, so they hang out and bully Reaper together

Sombra is fascinated with how he gets his hair so nice and fluffy (the secret is the blood of your enemies)

Pranks him sometimes by putting sticky notes on his back that he cant reach because he is too buff

He can play Ukulele or at least owns one (canon)

It used to belong to Baptiste

Mauga took it from his things after he left Talon, its his only reminder of their time together

Sometimes Mauga just holds it and plays a few notes when he is reminiscing

Together with his guns one of the only things he hates people touching

Could work really well with Lucio if he wanted to

Maybe I'm writing Lucio a bit very naive here but I feel like he could be fooled by Mauga's personality (and Mauga would take full advantage of that)

Like he would bring this dude to the base á la "hey guys meet my new friend he plays ukulele and is really fun" with Mauga just grinning as everyone stares in horror

Baptiste used Mauga as a couch during their Talon times (illegal murder operations dont really provide comfortable resting places, so you make due)

Both miss it, both have no one close enough to replicate the feeling (which doesnt mean they dont try)

Mauga leans his guns on his side or the ukulele on his chest, but since everyone has enough common sense to not go anywhere near him thats all he can do

I think it would be funny if during a mission brief a very tired Sigma leans onto him (he doesnt have this famous common sense to really notice the danger radiating off Mauga) and everyone holds their breath as it happens. Against all odds Mauga doesnt say anything as he quietly enjoys it. Its not a common occurence, much to Mauga's disappointment.

Baptiste sits on the side of the couch, owns a very big pillow and the tendency to lean onto people if he gets very tired (since most people arent a 6 foot mountain of muscle  though, they dont really have the necessary strength to hold him)

Some eventually catch on and subliminally try to persuade Reinhardt to sit next to Baptiste more often. Maybe Reinhardt notices it too, but definitely not as the first lets be honest. (Reinhardt is the general couch for everyone in Overwatch who wants to, i dont make the rules)

Mauga's body needs a LOT of nutrients and protein to keep up its shape, more so with him working out on the side, so this man is constantly eating

This guy is a foodie, gets really gnarly when he's hungry and even more ruthless and unpredictable

Fish is a main food in Samoa, but since Mauga has a strong connection to the ocean and the ecosystem behind it I dont think he would eat any fish he didnt catch himself. And he doesnt trust Talon enough to verify where the fish came from. So no fish for him right now.

Is a sweettooth, there a lot of sweet samoan dishes featuring coconut milk and fresh fruit from the island

He probably often complains about the cheap quality of the fruits Talon have to offer him. They get picked too early before truly ripe or just dont seem to have the same intense flavor as an island grown fruit would have.

Can and will crack a coconut easily by hand. Or rather by teeth.

(I wonder if that is humanly possible)

(I looked it up. You need around 610N to crack open a coconut. Humans can bite with about 1000-1400N. So its possible. Crazy.)

Being used to warm and tropical weather he struggles with any mission too far up north. He has to wear more clothing during those, limiting his mobility and effectiveness.

Probably has a hard time finding fitting clothes in general, Talon has a special seamstress just for this case. (And for Doom and Sigma too probably, they are huge)

Is a very well educated man and still keeps up with recent studies and research, especially revolving around marine biology.

He doesnt show this side of him in public, only reading when he is alone in his room.

Sigma is able to gain access to whatever books and publications he wants, nobody really double checks because they dont care or wouldnt understand anyway. So Mauga puts his desired books on Sigma's list and takes them from his lab once they arrive.

Sombra picks up on this eventually, since she spends a lot of time with Sigma. What will she do with this information? Who knows.

Sigma isnt aware of this but does wonder why there are books about non-physics topics around. Sometimes he looks at the colourful reef pictures.

Scuba Sigma - the origin story

favourite animal: shork

He knows how vital they are for marine life and relates to them.

They look and are told to be extremely aggressive, but arent. They still are incredibly powerful and efficient killing machines though. There is a nice metaphor compared to himself here. Somewhere.

Corrects anyone badmouthing sharks and doesnt care if that feels "out of character" to bystanders

Always wanted to learn how to surf but is lacking balance and a normal body size. And since being in Talon, time. And water. Everything really, but he thinks about it sometimes.

Good swimmer, his body shape is not super helpful but he makes up for it with great strength and form

Loves to dive, not necessarily in whole gear, but he can hold his breath longer than average

Generally just enjoys being in water

Knows how to catch fish (of course)

Usually you'd catch fish with a traditional net or maybe hook and rod, but Mauga knows how to spearfish and sometimes does it to show off

If there are no current missions he helps out carrying cargo and other equipment around Talon quarters. Its something of a practical workout for him.

Not a drinker. One or two bottles of beer at most. He wants to be in full control and aware of his sorroundings at all times.

He does pretend to be more intoxicated to provoke bystanders to let their guard down.

If he truly gets wasted he is the silent type. The "stares at you uncomfortably from a corner"-type. His extroverted and noisy facade disappears, revealing the cunning and sadistic spirit inside.

[masochist-mouse]

Hi I’m V, @vincentblogscyberpunk, I was wondering about this statement

“am a psychotic medium with an interest in theology so if youre interested in heightened sensitivity and how spirits function in a physical tangible space i can talk about it more in another post since its specific to me”

I have always been a logical person, unfortunately after my death this has barred me from believing in myself and even my boyfriend. We’re spiritual Soulbounds, I never really experienced any sort of spirituality in old life. I was wondering how spirits function in a physical tangible space like you said

I was also wondering how you deal with doubt, sometimes I get anxious and think “what if this is all some psychosis”, but I’ve been like this for a year and a half now.

okay so! spirits exist in the same space as us. for a pop culture example think the movie "The Others." where the spirits think theyre very much alive and the living people are the dead ones. its what vibrations we are alligned with that allow us to see and feel and interact with the spirits that exist in the same physical space as us. so like strings in a guitar. all strings are in the same physical guitar and theyre alll separate and make their own individual sounds but when you strum the guitar sometimes the vibrations can cause them to colide with eachother! thats when an interaction would occur :3

about the psychosis believe me ive been through the same doubt but i ask for undeniable signs from my bond and he always sends them. for example im NOT a lucid dreamer whatsoever. everytime ive tried to lucid dream ive failed and im not one of those people where if youre thinking about something all day you dream about it later thats not me. so ill ask him "show up in my dream as a sign please if you can to prove youre there." and so he does. and i go "well could be a coincidence. do it again tonight." and HE DOES. a coincidence cant happen twice IN A ROW JUST BECAUSE I ASKED. i also ask for little hyper specific signs during the day. for the longest time i used to have a ✝️ in my username and one night my family actually attempted to ward off my partner. but of course, soulbonding doesnt work that way unless its a trickster spirit posing as your partner (if you cleanse your space and the signs and interactions continue you should be safe.) but i didnt know at the time because i was knew to sbding so i was worried he would go away and i begged for him to prove it wouldnt happen. on my way home from classes i found a perfectly untouched wooden keychain on the ground with a

🩷=✝️ engraved.

hes given me little gifts and signs through things hes left on the ground, ive asked him to show me specific animals that pertain to us (mice and cats).

but the biggest bit of proof is that im medicated for psychosis and even when i take my meds these things continue, i keep seeing him, feeling his touch, hearing his voice both outside and inside my head.

SO IF THIS IS PSYCHOSIS THEN THE MEDS HAVE TO REAAAAALLY be malfunctioning because not even they make him leave. because he isnt exactly a construct of my overactive mind hes a real entity in another plane of existence

i hope ur okay and i hope this is helpful in any capacity!!! <3 i wish you and your bond well.

[rotorsexual]

Heliseries part 7 off airport landings.

During the first long while of helicopter training, you spend your time learning how to fly and operate within an airport environment. Taking off and landing from runways and taxiways, communicating with ATC, generally flying the exact same way as other fixed wing general aviation traffic. Its not until later in your Private Certificate that you finally get to do some real "helicopter shit" as we like to call it.

Landing off airport comes with its own hazards and a procedure to help mitigate the risks associated with them. In an airport environment you have a large open area that is structured specifically for aircraft to safely operate. However when you go off airport you have to rely on your own decision making and assessment of a landing site, even if one has been partly prepared for you.

We start with an orbit at around 500 feet over a potential landing spot and do a high reconnaissance check. For this we have an acronym called SWOPP. If the landing spot fails any requirements of SWOPP then a new one must be selected.

S is for Suitability which has several sub-meanings here. The first are size and shape. If you cant fit then it's obviously a no go. Next is Slope. Helicopters can tolerate landing on only a few degrees of slope and anything greater than that quickly becomes dangerous. Pretty much every off airport landing is going to be sloped somewhat so picking the apparently flattest spot is best.

Finally there is Surface. Different surfaces can come with their own hazards and ideally you'd want a clear paved surface to set down. Rocks are uneven and can shift beneath the landing gear when weight is applied. Dirt and sand can do the same plus can be blown by the rotor wash and cause a loss of visibility in a brownout.

Snow and ice can do the same and theres a chance of it being stuck to the landing gear when taking off again.

W is for wind. You really want to avoid landing with a tailwind and ideally with a headwind. Tailwinds push you toward the landing spot which requires a slower, steeper approach with higher power requirements. They can also blow your own rotorwash forward into your descent path which is hazardous since it is a recipe for vortex ring state (which I'll cover in a future post). Headwinds, on the other hand give you more lift and stability. They allow for shallower approaches and less power required. Depending on the obstacles surrounding the landing spot you may not always be able to land with a direct headwind but you should always do what you can to avoid a tailwind.

O is for Obstacles. This is another big hazard when landing to an unprepared area. Trees, powerlines/wires, buildings, fences, people/animals, and pretty much everything else can be an obstacle in and around a landing spot. Making sure to avoid them when landing and departing is crucial to avoiding an accident. Identify what the obstacles are and how they could affect the flight. For example ive seen tarps blown by rotor wash and sucked into a rotor. Or when it comes to powerlines you should always pick a tower and fly over the top of it, rather than between where the lines could sag.

When finally touching down to a landing spot you should always do so to the last 1/3 of the area or so. With the cockpit located at the front of the helicopter its easy to forget how much is actually behind you. Pilots have clipped their tails landing to confined areas or performing a hovering turn within one. Always looking before you turn your tail should become habit.

The first P is for both Path In and Path Out. Once youve identified the spot, wind, and obstructions, you should plan a landing path into it and a takeoff path out of it. Determining both before approaching will allow you to ditch to your path out in a go-around if anything doesnt look right. The path in should also ideally provide a safe place to land if a power failure were to occur during the approach.

And the second P - Power. Helicopters are power limited and various conditions like weight, altitude, temperature, and wind will affect how much power you have available. If a landing spot confined enough to require a steep or vertical approach into it, then you will need to choose a new spot when very power limited. You can roughly gauge how much power will be required just from experience with different conditions but you can also check by performing a high altitude hover away from the ground. If you can hover comfortably out of ground effect then you can definitely hover in ground effect to land.

So now you've determined all of the requirements of SWOPP and its time to attempt a landing. You'll exit your 500ft orbit and begin flying a downwind leg to get some distance from the landing spot. Pre landing checks are performed and a descent is started. When the spot appears to be at a rearward 45° angle off your shoulder a turn back inbound is made.

Now the process begins again but in an abbreviated version. Monitoring power gradually increasing as you get lower and slower, checking again for any obstacles that weren't spotted before, and making sure the path in and out is still clear. Assume a normal, steep, or vertical approach angle and terminate to the last 1/3 of the spot.

And thats basically how you land a helicopter.

[voidloidsstuff]

I saw your note on my MOA post, and I Just want to say that one (1) gen of inc*st does not a creepy child make, like 1 gen isn't going to do much.

And as a Mordred fan, (as, by the header of your blog you obviously also are), I do not enjoy the idea of Mordred being a child-by-rape.(The Lady of The Lake arranges this!) (in Avalon!)

Because that's all MOA is rape-apologia, incest-apologia and pedophilia-apologia.

If you could discuss some of the scenes that grossed you out, I would like that.

(MZB tarnished Arthuriana to defend her horrid actions!)

(She assaulted her children regularly and other children!)

reading Das sporking of MOA on dreamwidth, if you haven't already, it will be immensely satisfying.

I'm posting general thoughts here and personal thoughts as Mordred below the cut!

I think MOA is one of those books that are literally impossible to seperate from the author. When I was originally reading the book series (back when I had no idea WHO the author was or any of her actions) I thought that it was just another case of someone making historical fiction unnecessarily dark and heavy and gross just for the shock value.

In my opinion, you can make an Arthuriana retelling as dark as you want, but I find the idea of both making it so gross yet forgiving of it is deeply disgusting. Even within the first few chapters, where Igraine is meeting Uther and having their whole conflict/romantic plot it's gross!! and extremely telling of the author's actions!!

It feels like the author is using The Lady of the Lake as a way to justify her actions- like all of the things she did was "destined" to occur or some weird shit

I hate how she wrote the series primarily to defend her own horrid actions and them marketed it as some sort of feminist retelling when it literally does the exact opposite. You can (and probably should!) write a retelling that has dark themes, I find Uther and Igraine's marriage in Le Morte extremely compelling and I think Lancelot being a victim of rape at the hands of Elaine (and by extension the grail-church) can lead to extremely thoughtful and compelling conversations. But you cannot just write a story that forgives and even encourages incest and pedophilia, call it a "feminist" retelling, and then call it a day

(my perspective as a Mordred fictive below!!)

ITS SO GROSS AND BAD

i have gotten very accustomed to reading retellings because it interests me to see different perspectives of events and then compare them with my own memories, but i literally couldnt bring myself to finish the series.

i think the incest plot between morgaine and arthur is unnecessary in like every possible way. every single relationship with an age gap is weird and unnecessary. for being a "feminist" retelling that is SUPPOSED to give women a voice, it completely robs them of all of their agency. it feels insulting to give guinevere her welsh name but then making her so deeply christian. there was no reason to make lancelet morgaine's cousin and then make him a major love interest for her

i also just personally hate the way i was written in it, it feels lazy and it isnt compelling

i hate the way arthur was written, its incredibly lazy and robs him of everything cool about him. he ISNT supposed to be this perfect guy, hes a good person and an ok leader who makes bad decisions. hes a person and i feel like MOA doesnt give him that. his biggest flaw is being caring and in love with gwenhwyfer which is stupid!!

everything about this book series is stupid and disgusting and im so upset i wasted my time reading it

[mydarllinglover]

SafeHouse || Third Year - One

Masterlist

September 1st 1993

"Oh my darling girl, I've only just got you back after four years and now you're going again, I've missed my baby" My mother, Molly Weasley, sobbed whilst she squeezed me in a bone crushing embrace.

"Mum! We're gonna miss the train" My Twin Brother, Ron Whined.

"Oh Hush Ronald, even if you did, its not like that would stop you from getting to Hogwarts" Mum glared at Ron as I stepped out of her embrace and she gave another hug to the other Twins, most likely threatening them if they misbehaved.

I snorted a laugh, remembering what Ginny told me about Ron and Harry's joyride in Dads car last year, but that was the best part as she caught me up of the events that occurred, I could only imagine how much that would've affected my little sister.

Ron shot a glare at me in a way of saying "you better shut up or I'll make sure you wont be able to find any of your class's"

"Ronald, you better look after Keira and help her, you should remember how hard it was for you on your first day at Hogwarts" Mum lectured Ron as Harry walked back over to us after having a chat about Merlin knows what with Dad, probably muggle related.

"Yes Mum, I know, but we really have to go!" my twin pouted, again.

"It's okay Mrs Wealsey, she has Harry and I to help her out as well" Hermione smiled as she gently nudged my side.

"Yes of course, off you go all of you and have a wonderful time, and behave!" Mum waved us off as we gathered up our luggage and made our way onto the Hogwarts Express.

"Wait! Ron! Don't forget Scabbers!" Mum called as she reached up with Scabbers held in her hands.

Ron reached through an open window to grab him from Mum, We then waved and shouted out goodbyes as the Train departed.

Percy was the first to leave us as he made his way to the Head Boy and Girl compartment. Then Ginny as she spotted some of her friends in her year and it was just Fred, George, Hermione, Ron, Harry and I.

Fred and George helped Carry some of my luggage as they were winking at some of the girls in their year, making a right show out of it as if they were big strong men, which they are not.

"Guys, come on, lets go find an empty Compartment" Ron nodded at us as he walked down the corridor full of students.

Fred and George had already left with their friend lee Jordan, when we eventually found a compartment at the end of the train, there was a man sat inside, he looked to be sleeping as he lent his head on the window, I noticed how his clothes were shabby wizard robes, he had scars on his face and light brown hair with specks of grey.

"Who'd you reckon he is?" Ron hissed as we sat down and Harry slid the door shut, Ron, Harry and I squashed up on the opposite seat, Ron making me sit at the window so he didn't have to sit right opposite the man, as Hermione took the other side, making sure to sit farthest from the window

"Professor R.J. Lupin" Hermione whispered.

"How'd you know that?"

"Its on his case dumb arse" I sighed as I smacked Ron across the head and pointed at the mans luggage.

"Ouch" Ron rubbed his head as he glared at me "wonder what he teaches"

"that's obvious" whispered Hermione "theres only one vacancy isn't there? defence against the dark arts"

"Oh yeah, Mums crush was the last one, wasn't he?" I joked "can't believe he obliviated himself like an idiot"

"well I hope he's up to it" said Ron. "He looks like one good hex would finish him off, doesnt he?"

"Don't be so rude, you don't look like you could handle much either" I said to him.

"Anyway ...what were you going to tell us?" Ron said to Harry, his back facing me.

Harry glanced at me before looking back at Ron and Hermione

"Sorry, do you want me to leave or something?" I asked him, feeling quite awkward

"Oh- n-no, its fine" He blushed.

He then went into detail about Mum and Dad's fight and what Dad had told him.

How bloody important was this kid? From what I've heard something has put his life at risk every year, was he made out of gold?

"Sirius Black escaped to come after you? Oh, Harry ... You'll have to be really, really careful. Don't go looking for trouble, Harry"

"I don't go looking for trouble, trouble usually finds me."

"How poetic." I said

"How thick would Harry have to be, to go looking for a nutter who wants to kill him?"

Well four for four, right?

"No one knows how he got out of Azkaban, No one's ever done it before. And he was a top-security prisoner, too."

"But they'll catch him, won't they? I mean, They've got all the Muggles looking out for him, too ..."

"I mean, Muggles hasn't exactly stopped him before" I thought out loud.

"Whats that noise?" Ron said

"your brain working perhaps? maybe its overheating" I said "Ow, I'm joking, wait I hear it too"

There was a faint whistle noise somewhere in the compartment.

"Its coming from your trunk, Harry" Ron told him. Standing up and Reaching into the luggage rack.

"Oh, I forgot you bought that" Ron had Pulled out the Pocket Sneakascope from Harry's Robes.

"Is that a Sneakascope?" Hermione asked

"Yeah ... mind you, it's a very cheap one,  It went hay-wire just as I was tying it to Errols leg to send it to Harry"

"I always knew there was something off with that Bloody pigeon, hes very suspicious"

"Were you doing anything untrustworthy at the time?"

"No!-"

"Mum said he couldn't use Errol because he doesn't do well on long journeys"

"How else was I supposed to get Harry's present to him?"

"Could've just waited until you saw him next, instead of putting Errol at risk"

"You just said there was something suspicious about him, and called him a pigeon"

"That literally proves nothing, what is your point?" I asked him

"Stick it back in the trunk, Or it'll wake him up" Harry said, pointing towards Lupin.

"We could get it checked in Hogsmeade" Ron said, sitting back down "They sell that sort of thing in Dervish and Banges, Magical instruments and stuff, Fred and George told me"

"Do you know much about Hogsmeade? I've read it's the only entirely non-muggle settlement in Britain-

"Yeah I think it is" Ron cut Hermione off

"Hey! don't be so rude" I told him off.

The three of them talked about the history of Hogsmeade, Honeydukes and how Harry can't go because of the stupid Dursleys. I zoned out until Ron had a fight with Crookshanks.

                                   •

We were all enjoying food from the trolley when our compartment door slid open once again.

Three boys occupied the space, the platinum blond with the side parting was clearly in charge as he stood in front of the two meaty boys, if I was being honest he seemed really handsome, but by the change of vibe in the atmosphere I could guess they were not friends of my brother and his friends, I looked up at them curiously as the blond boy sneered at Harry

"well look who it is" the boy said in a lazy drawl "potty and the weasel" his body guards chuckled like a pair of trolls, I could already tell I was going to hate this trio.

"I heard your father finally got his hands on some gold this summer, Weasley," he laughed again "Did your mother die of shock?"

My twin shot up like a rocket, resulting in him knocking Crookshanks basket to the floor.

Professor lupin gave a snort and we all snapped our heads to look at him

"who's that?" The blond asked as he took a step back

"New teacher" Harry said as I got to my feet in case I had to hold Ron back

"and who's that?" he asked again as his eyes landed on me

"I could ask you the same thing" I told him, still confused why he was here as it was apparent no one liked one another

"Malfoy, Draco Malfoy" he introduced himself "and now you"

"none of your business Malfoy, piss off" Ron spat at him causing me to grab his upper arms to hold him back and Harry standing to help me.

"Bond, James Bond" I said, which made Harry and Hermione chuckle, clearly getting the muggle reference from a set of books. But the others just stared at me in confusion

"your parents named you James bond? isn't that a boys name?" Malfoy asked, scrunching his face up as if he could smell something terrible.

"No you idiot" I deadpanned. 

Lupin made another noise

"whatever freak, C'mon" he muttered resentfully to his friends

"whats his problem?" I asked as we took our seats again

"Keira, He's a Malfoy, they're all the same, arrogant bastards" Ron glared and Massaged his knuckles "I'm not going to take any rubbish from Malfoy this year," he said angrily. "I mean it. If he makes one more crack about our family, I'm going to get hold of his head and-

"Ron," Hermione hissed at him.

                                   •

"We must be nearly there" Ron said, leaning on me to look out the window

"Get off!" I pushed him, the words barely left my mouth as the train started to slow down

"Brilliant" my brother cheered "I'm starving, I want to go to the feast"

"your always starving" I rolled my eyes

"Like you can talk much" he said

"we cant be there yet" Hermione furrowed her eyebrows "so why're we stopping?"

call it pathetic fallacy if you will but as the train got slower the rain and wind got louder and heavier. The temperature dropped to minus numbers and it got terribly icy.

Harry, being closest to the door, peered his head out, me and Ron leaning out to look down the corridor to see other heads poking out the compartments.

The train came to a halt and the luggage fell of the racks, something thing landing on me and Ron, the lamps and all source of light went next

"whats going on?" Ron asked from behind Harry

"ouch!" Hermione gasped "Ronald! that was my foot!"

Harry moved out of the way to sit down "do you think we've broken down?"

"dunno"

"i'm gonna go look, maybe find the trolley witch and ask whats going on" I told them as I stepped past Ron, halfway out of the door

"Be careful alright, come back soon" My Older brother by nine minutes told me.

"you worry too much" I shook my head as I felt around the corridor and reached into my pocket to pull out my wand and whispering Lumos, a small ball of light illuminating on the top of my wand, but anything was better than nothing.

something walked into me causing me to take a step back

"ouch, sorry" a boys voice spoke out

"its alright" I smiled at him and shone my light so I could see his face then stepped past him as I continued down the corridor, what didn't help was that I was in the dark and I had no idea who anyone was, I couldn't even spot; Ginny, Fred & George or even Percy.

Brilliant thinking, Keira!

I continued down the corridor until suddenly someone grabbed a hold of my wrist and yanked me into an empty compartment.

Hey no fair, where was this when we were looking for one earlier?!

I yelped in pain and shock as whoever the person was slammed shut the compartment door "hey what the hell-

"shut up!" a voice whispered as a hand was clamped over my mouth and my eyes went wide.

"now you don't look like a first year, and I would be confused why you would be associating yourself with, weaselbee, Mudblood and Saint Potter" I could tell by his voice this was the boy I met recently. Malfoy "so i'm going to ask you again, who are you?" he took the hand off my mouth but kept a firm hold on my wrists.

"whats it to you? I dont even know you" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion

"because, if Potters got a new member of his little trio of hero's I want to know why a new student is joining Hogwarts to be there" he told me

"who I am and why i'm here, is none of your business or concern so just-

"Potters fainted!" I was interrupted as kids in the corridor started shouting as the lights turned back on and the train started moving once again.

I shoved Malfoy out of the way so I could go see what had happened.

Little did I know Malfoy was actually following me.

I pushed past the other kids to reach my compartment door and slid it open.

Walking in, I saw Harry lying on the floor and Ron & Hermione sat on either side of him, the boy who bumped into me on my way out earlier, Ginny and Professor Lupin

"What happened?!" I gasped

"Harry passed- Whats he doing here" Ron snapped ,when he looked up from Harry to see Malfoy stood Very close behind me

"what? I dont know, Malfoy piss off will you" I turned to look up at him, fuck Ron for getting all the height

"oh Merlin, Potter fainting, this is amazing" he laughed, looking down at Harry one last time, I assume getting mental pictures, then he brought his silver eyes up to lock on my blue ones it was like I was frozen in place and his stare was the only thing I could think o-

"buh bye Malfoy! horrible seeing you, make sure to not see us for a awful long time" my brother interrupted as he grabbed my upper arm and pulled me more into the compartment, sliding the door shut. "stay away from him, I mean it Keira!" he pointed a finger in my face

"piss off Ron, I will, hes a self centred prick" I ripped my arm out of his grip and sat next to the boy "Keira Weasley" i stretched my hand out to him

"W-Weasley? you and Ron are related?"

"Yeah, she's my little sister" Ron shrugged as he sat down next to Harry again.

"by nine minutes" I said, glaring at the back of his head, then faced the boy again "but yeah, we're twins, I transferred here from beaubaxtons

"oh, okay, hi, im Neville Longbottom" he shook my hand

I looked over to the corner to see my little sister shivering and letting out sobs, Hermione and I made our way over to sit with her and comfort her to make sure she was okay.

•

We arrived at Hogwarts ten minutes after. Apparently everyone in our compartment were Gryffindor, and were all expecting me to as well as they observed my black robes, no pressure.

"Of course she's going to be in Gryffindor, Keira's a Weasley after all" Ron told our friends, slinging an arm around my shoulders as we walked to the carriages.

"You're a Weasley?!" Ron and I turned around to see who shouted that, just to see Malfoy stood there with his jaw on the floor gaping at us like a goldfish

"Yes" I said in more than a question "Isn't that obvious" I said, pointing at my bright red hair.

"what how?!" His eyebrows shot up

"she's my twin sister" Ron spat at him "piss off Malfoy" then he turned us around and continued walking off.

                                 •

"Uh, so I have to walk in after the first years to be sorted? why cant i just do it in private, not in front of the whole school?!" I gaped at Professor McGonagall

"Its tradition" she deadpanned "now off we go, I think they're ready for you" she all but pushed me through the Great Hall doors, it felt like all heads were turning around to look at me, maybe it was just nerves, hopefully it was just nerves.

"ah yes, our final student to sort for the night, transferred from Beauxbatons Academy. Weasley, Keira" announced McGonagall.

I turned around to look at McGonagall who was just talking to me.

In confusion I walked up to the stool and sat down, gulping as all eyes were on me, some whispering about who I

was, why there was another Weasley and some jokes along it.

I tried to drown it out and looked over to where all my brothers and my sister was sat as they smiled up at me in encouragement.

McGonagall placed the hat on top of my head, it quickly falling down past my eyes.

I took deep breathes as the Hat spoke "Another Weasley, mhm, it should be Gryffindor, But, you're different, your ambitious, yet courageous, witty and loyal, determined and creative, cunning but kind. Well well well, it ought to be SLYTHERIN!" the hat announced.

I sat there in shock as my eyes went wide, I was the first and only weasley in slytherin, Gryffindor erupted in cheers until they had heard what the hat had actually said and they all froze, especially my siblings, everyone looked confused and surprised.

I took the hat off my head and placed it on the stool, with legs like lead I slowly and carefully made my way down to the Green table with all eyes still on me. Sitting myself down the furthest from everyone.

Professor Dumbledore gave a speech but I didn't hear a word as I kept my eyes on a loose thread on the table, hearing the whispers and mentions of being a blood traitor and that I didn't belong here.

It was a while after everyone was eating and I could still feel Malfoy and his friends eyes on me, when I felt a hand grab my upper arm and all but drag me out from the table and to the doors of the great hall, It was Ron, with Harry and Hermione in tow, we were in an empty corridor when he finally let go

"Ron what the hell?!" I snapped at him

"Slytherin?!" he barked

"what was i supposed to do?! I didn't ask for that!"

"You could of said no! Harry did" he pointed at Harry

"hey leave me out of this" he put his hands up in surrender making us both glare at him "wow you really are twins" he mumbled

"Keira you cant be a slytherin, You're a Weasley, we're not Slytherins!"

"well maybe im not like you Ronald!"

"you're gonna turn out just like them, their all evil-

"Ron!" Hermione warned him

"not a single one of them are good, and your going to be the same"

"Ron" I gasped, hurt visible on my face

"whatever Keira be careful" he turned back to the hall and shook his head.

Harry and Hermione both looked at me with sympathetic faces, then walked off to follow my brother.

I stared at the spot he stood for a while thinking about what Ron had just said.

I didn't have the energy to go back in the Great Hall, my first day at Hogwarts turned out to be horrible.

I wondered around the castle for a good few hours as I tried to find anything that would give me a sign as to where the slytherin common rooms were to find my dorm.

I should of took Hermione up on her offer of giving me a tour and quiz. I was sure I was going up completely the wrong way as I walked up to where I guessed the astronomy tower was as I found myself on a balcony at the top of the castle.

It was beautiful, and peaceful. I gave up on ever finding where I would have to go and decided to lie down, staring up at the stars.

                                      •

"What are you doing?" A voice startled me, causing me to sit up and look at the person, Malfoy.

"Lost" I said as I lay back down

"so why are you here?" he sat down next to me

"were you following me?" I looked up at him with a raised brow

"no"

"is it true?" I asked him

"whats true?"

"is everyone in slytherin a bad person, will I turn out to be a bad person?"

we sat there in silence, neither of us saying a word, until Malfoy stood up and reached his hand out for me "come on"

"what?"

"its past curfew, we have got to go to our dorms" he told me "before Filch the caretaker, and a squib, catch's us."

"Oh, okay"

He led me to the dungeons and to the entrance of our common room as he muttered a password.

"Salazar"

we walked in and he steered me up to where the dorms were, pointing at a specific door.

"Look for the empty bed, that is most likely yours, Good Luck Weasley". he said before entering the door opposite the Girls dormitories, I'm guessing thats the boys.

Next

[crawlthruribs]

so i saw this post somewhere saying that they wanted a fic where ennis, jack, and alma were all in a polyam relationship - that alma saw them kissing but instead of being disgusted she found she was into it. i have some thoughts about this, and it’s not a call out post where im going to be rattling off all the ways that i think op was wrong, it is an interesting concept, i was just thinking about how personally i dont think it would happen.

one) we see through the course of their marriage the slow resentment and change that occurs, and while i am not sure why alma and ennis got together in the first place, they were happy at the beginning. the rift between alma and ennis increases after they have kids, and it only seems to escalate all the way up and through their divorce. 

i think, from alma’s perspective, she recognized that the man she married was not the same one who continuously rejects her and expects so much from her. ennis constantly ignores alma, he leaves her to take care of the kids and to cook and do her job and he places his occupation and work over hers - i dont think alma knew how to fix it, how to make ennis pay attention to her. i am sure she blamed herself in a way and most likely experienced loneliness being stuck in this position. 

when she finds out what ennis and jack are doing, all the feelings that she had been left to sit in bubble up. this was the 1960s, the whole concept of this story is about hatecrime and homophobia - in alma’s eyes it is disgusting and shameful and putrid and this was the man that she had married. she was left and cast aside for something vile and wrong and it hurt. perhaps maybe in a different story she could have found it appealing in a way, but it’s not just “oh she hasnt explored sexually, there’s a chance she could be into that stuff” it’s also the divide between her and ennis and the emotions that she had previously suffered through and the guilt that she could now blame on someone else. it wasnt her fault that ennis was cold to her, but up to this point that’s what she thought; when she sees them, it’s the tipping point and realization that it wasnt her, but it was this gross affair. 

two) from ennis’ point of view, alma is a tether. she is a force that keeps him safe and “normal”, she is the right and traditional thing to do. but she also sort of is a cage, he has to be “normal” and has to love her in order to accomplish this. she is a way to “fix” himself.

piggybacking from another post i saw, there is also the fact that she is a woman. i believe the other person said something about how being with a woman for jack and ennis is different than sleeping with another man because she doesnt pose a threat to their relationship. the woman is simply a necessity and cannot give either of them what they truly want. and that’s all that alma really is, she is only required so ennis can fulfill tradition and be left alone (we see that later after they divorce the amount of times it’s brought up to him that he should settle down again).

three) i am not quite sure what jack would think seeing that alma never really was something he had to worry about. it was always ennis’ work or his deep connection to his hometown that really proved a problem. i do believe though, that being in a polycule with alma and ennis not something he would like. having relations with other men was something he constantly looked for, that he needed to “sustain himself” as he said when he and ennis were arguing about the lack of time they had together and adding a woman to the mix wouldnt be what he was looking for. he could have sex with a woman at any point in time, adding alma into the mix is only taking away his one place that he can get the satisfaction he wants. 

feel free to add on or correct me, i have only seen the movie, though i do want to read it, and have watched it once. this was not meant to be a call out post in any way shape or form, simply a pondering of why the three of them wouldnt work and my take on their complex relationships.

@apollosleftelbow

[taskedbyheaven]

i'm not gonna lie i didn't bother watching mid 90s until my brother made me coz i thought it was gonna be some plotless indie movie abt nothing which it kinda was but erm. okay. that was incredibly heartbreaking. i am so sad for that child. first of all, look how fucking small he is 😭😭😭

this shot made me so sick to my stomach solely bcoz of the size comparison. THATS A BABYYYYYY 😭😭😭 and the ending?? i literally thought it was just beginning to wrap up and then the credits roll. i said "that's it?!" idk i did not feel more 'at peace' or w/e abt the trauma stevie experienced . dont get me wrong it's not a bad movie like the soundtrack was banger after banger i'm just ...ALSO did fuckshit not get arrested??? he was driving while severely intoxicated and crashed w multiple ppl involved including a very young minor child. why is he not in jail??? if i was stevie's mama he'd be hanged drawn and quartered in the town square ☝️😭 expeditiously i say. how DARE yall put my child in that situation. ANY of those situations!!! but stevie's mama didn't seem very engaged w her children's lives in the first place ... couldn't have been me tho. but yeah as for the ending in general i thought it was gonna have a stronger conclusion as to like... how easily children get taken advantage of and led down dangerous/difficult paths especially if they have a poor home life/support system, and maybe how just one kind, attentive person (i.e ray) can save a life in ways that doesnt necessarily require any superhero acts. the scene of stevie and ray in the shop while ray is setting up his new skateboard ? oh my god. so endearing. so comforting. i wanted more scenes like that but instead at the end im left wondering?? is stevie ever gonna learn to cope with intense emotions in ways that dont evoke self harm? was he truly inspired by rays ambition and drive and decided to follow in his steps rather than fuckshit for whom it is astoundingly unclear if he was punished literally or narratively and learned from his mistakes? not to mention the statutory rape that occured at the party was never actually condemned iirc aside from the fleeting 3 seconds of outrage from the mother but i get it cld be somewhat of a testament to how poorly understood male sexual abuse/assault is and was at the time. but fuckshit and his drunk driving that almost killed stevie? i dont get that. why was there no outrage or condemnation coz upon seeing fuckshit and the others in the hospital waiting room the mother seems to forgive them instantly. huh?! that easily?! and the orange juice from the brother? im sawry but go fuck urself.. that is not redemption enough for me to be like "oh yay you'll definitely stop abusing him now" coz in my experience with abuse, the anger and hostility eventually rears its ugly head back around even if they're genuinely remorseful bc the root of the issue has not been addressed. and maybe the ending was trying to say smth abt stevie falling in love with idealization and the sense of camaraderie he found with these other skaters despite the slippery slope that is gaining validation/acceptance at any and all costs. but that commentary seemed to vanish in the hospital coz what i kinda got was "yeah but this shit is still dope asf" ?? like sure but i dont think we were arguing that. skateboarding could be and is a really great outlet for stevie but i just dont feel that satisfied w the ending. is his mother gonna be more engaged in his life? is that jackass brother actually gonna change his ways so he can start protecting and nurturing stevie like he should rather than bullying and assaulting him? even so, why must it take a near death experience when all stevie has done is crave his love? ugh. just breaks my heart. and did fuckshit even have a wakeup call? does stevie fully understand that violence is not inherent to him? idk. i think it really needed another 15 minutes but, hey, LA in a pretty filter. whats not to love

[thelegendofhino]

More speculating and making stuff up because that is so very fun, perhaps hino is just very deeply lonely and doesnt realize it, or is actively repressing it.

Tldr autism makes personal connections difficult and routines very appealing, the moon essentially makes up for the inherent loneliness of being unable to connect with others in a meaningful way, but his inability to connect may be because he focused too much on the moon.

In botw especially, its odd that hes the only person that always stays at the dueling peaks stable that doesnt have a twin, other than sagessa who points out that almost everyone there has a twin (which she finds creepy), and its odd still that hes at that stable despite it having an arguably not very good view of the moon, at least compared to plenty of other places. Many npcs dont really talk about their personal lives unless they live in a town or have a relation to another npc, so its hard to say what his life may have been like up until now. I dont personally think he had a twin at some point, but it would be interesting, but unfortunately neither him nor domidak and prissen, one of the set of twins at that stable (the moon moves in the opposite direction now, so it no longer goes where hino was looking in botw), are still at the stable in totk, so it doesnt seem to hold as much significance.

Hino seems to regard the moon and the blood moon as two seperate entities, despite clearly being aware that they are one and the same, and the blood moon is just something that happens to the moon for reasons unknown to him. In totk especially, he refers to the moon with she/her pronouns, unless its a blood moon, in which he only uses it/its or just says "the blood moon". In botw, he uses it/its for both cases, and seems to have a slightly less personal attachment to the moon than he does in totk. For whatever reason, however much time has passed between the two games, hes gotten even more obsessed with it and the blood moon, even going so far as to repeatedly put himself in danger with little to no sign of considering any other possible option for his studies. I still believe the upheaval did... SOMETHING to him, though i really cant tell how much time is supposed to have passed between the upheaval and link waking up on the sky island.

Hino doesnt really seem to tell anyone about anything that hes doing unless he is asked, in which case he will tell them absolutely everything he knows. He doesnt seem to have learned much of anything new between the two games, and he also doesnt just simply ask other people for how they may have observed monsters, probably either because its never occured to him to do so or just that hed rather use his own judgment. I personally completely understand why he would be that way (autism) so i do think he just has trouble connecting with people, especially if he only really cares about the moon, and he is literally the only npc who puts any focus on it at all so its not like he could find anyone else to talk about it with.

So, when you go and repeatedly save him, he comes to the conclusion that he doesnt need to worry about whatever the monsters might do to him when hes captured because you'll just come in to save him, like a sort of routine, instead of coming to the conclusion that maybe he should try to go about his research in a much safer way. But maybe hes subconsciously doing it on purpose. Youve consistently been the only person to talk to him and listen to him (i know its implied that other npcs have spoken to him before, but i mean consistently) and to go out of your way to save him, so clearly you must care about him (i do!) some amount.

And with that said about routine, the moon is EXTREMELY consistent. So is the sun, but its not very easy to look at the sun. The moon is consistent with the time it shows up, and the phase that it changes to after each previous phase. The only thing that throws it off is the blood moon, which may be why hino regards it differently, but even so it has its own consistent schedule, happening once every ~7 in game days (though this can be postponed in various ways). This is also why hino is upset when it rains. Sure, he can always see the moon the next night, but thats not what its about. The moon is too important to him to not feel upset when he cant see it. Even if it rains in the morning, the only thing he can think about is the possibility of it continuing to the night, preventing him from seeing it. The moon runs on a schedule, the weather does not. And that is upsetting to him. Not just because rain is unpredictable, but because the moon is too personally important to him for anything to get in the way of it.

Maybe, just maybe, hino developed his special interest on the moon as a sort of replacement for a lack of company. Its there every night, as if it were watching over him. It doesnt seem to matter to him to figure out why the moon changes phases or why it shines so brightly, what matters to him is that he can see it. Even a new moon, where you cant see it, as long as its not raining he finds comfort in just knowing its there. And hes grown even more personally attached to it over the years, possibly because its all he feels that he has, whether he realizes that about himself or not. Maybe hes too far into his obsession that he wouldnt be able to meaningfully connect with anither person at this point and maybe, deep down, he knows this. Maybe he feels he cant connect with another person because they wouldnt understand his love for the moon and his interest in the blood moon, and we do see that nobody else in hyrule has that focus on it at all. Maybe hes just really, really lonely, and its hard for him to truly realize it because connecting with others is difficult, especially when youre autistic. So to him he doesnt need to feel lonely, because the moon is always there every night, like clockwork. Its familiar, its consitent, its intriguing, its beautiful, and most of all, its his company. And hes even acknowledged that he cant reach the moon. Its a company that he knows is too far away to ever touch. But just seeing it is enough for him, as long as he doesnt acknowledge that it is just... the moon. And im sure hes aware of that, but what it means to him is very real.

[shinra-makonoid]

Do anti-anxiety meds work that fast? I though those were like you have to take them consistently to work. I've never taken any anti anxiety or depression meds and I would be nervous to, but do those meds normally make people stop daydreaming? Doesnt everyday dream at all times, unless being spoken to or like watching a movie?

Benzodiazepines are a muscle relaxant, so in about 20mins or so you're supposed to feel more drowsy/more relaxed/drunkish/slower. In my case there is certainly a part of placebo-effect going into it, I've been using them about once every month or every 2 months for more than 7 years. However, the effect of the specific med I should usually lasts for a couple of days. The next day from taking it, I was still visibly slowed down as one of my peers remarked. Which is why I usually try to take it before the weekend begins for ex.

My anxiety (again idk how other people work but that's how I see it in myself) tends to build up over time until I freak out, and I often have to take one antianxiety every one/two month. So I usually get one or two to get back to a baseline functional level, and then it builds up over time again. It's some kind of background anxiety thing going on. I won't have a panic attack like I used to, but it's always there like a static sound going on, and the static becomes louder and louder with time, until all I can hear is the static. And nothing really helps but those pills to really decrease it. Sport only marginally reduces it, even though I do sport twice a week, which is annoying but eh, one benzodiazepine every one or two months to function normally is not the worst either. This is a difficult and stressful year, which is probably why.

I think it doesn't stop people from daydreaming, more like, for me daydreaming is at least partly from a coping mechanism from anxiety, which is why I said maladaptive. Reality becomes too bad and too stressfull and so my brain is like "time to get some specific fantasies in your head because reality is awful" and I could spend the whole day doing that because of it, and nothing else. So when I get less anxious, I daydream less, because my brain can face reality without freaking out. Idk how other people work, but the only times I've been extremely obsessed over something and/or daydreaming constantly, were during times where I felt I had no control over my life and was extremely anxious. It's escaping.

I feel that way currently because this year is hell. I can't really afford to give up because it's still going on and I want to become a doctor nonetheless. But I don't have the time to really process what this lack of control means for the next few years either. I have doubts, even tho I want it. So my brain is noping out of it and I have to carefully negotiate with it in order to continue, basically. And when it doesn't, well... I have no choice but to use meds.

It's not like I choose to daydream in those case, it's like daydreams have little grabby hands catching me and I have to put energy into resisting it, which brings brain fog and tiredness etc. I used to daydream all the time including during school, and I could very much daydream in a movie, I could stop doing everything just to go to my bed and daydream the whole day no problem. I wouldn't consider that a typical everyday person daydreaming. You could argue this is normal behaviour, it's debatable tbh, I don't consider it normal for me because of precedents showing me when this typically occurs (horrible moments of my life). Moreover, it impacts my ability to function, to study, and so I can't really afford doing that this semester. I will be able to when classes are finished, and this perspective gives my brain something to hold on to to focus in the present time.

I can still daydream a bit when I'm on the bus or before sleeping, and I do, but I don't feel the urge to literally spend my whole day daydreaming, like I got during this weekend. So whether it's placebo or the med, it helped me.

[pesterloglog]

John Egbert, Jade Harley

Act 6, page 4302-4304

JOHN: wait, what just happened?

JADE: i dont know!

JOHN: it got darker, and greener...

JADE: :?

JOHN: this place is weird. when are we gonna bust through the other window, anyway?

JOHN: i'm kind of antsy to get on with our adventure and meet up with everybody!

JADE: yes me too

JADE: hmmmmmm

JOHN: what is it?

JADE: im just trying to estimate our arrival time

JADE: based on our current velocity, which is about as close to light speed as i can make it go

JOHN: i see.

JOHN: since we are going so fast, it should be pretty soon, right?

JOHN: like a few more minutes?

JADE: hmmmmmmmmmmm...

JADE: no

JADE: itll take quite a bit longer than that

JOHN: ugh.

JOHN: how long?

JADE: i would say

JADE: if i keep our speed constant...

JADE: we should arrive in about three years

JOHN: what!!!

JOHN: that is an absolutely preposterous amount of time.

JADE: i know!

JOHN: are you sure you can't make it go any faster?

JOHN: i mean, not to sound too demanding, but...

JOHN: didn't you say you can teleport stuff?

JOHN: why not teleport us there?

JADE: i cant!

JADE: not here, at least

JOHN: oh. well that sucks.

JOHN: why not?

JADE: the way i understand it is...

JADE: becs powers draw from the green sun

JADE: and the green sun presides over our universe

JADE: many universes actually! and the sessions that created them, as well as the sessions created within them

JADE: including the trolls universe and their session

JADE: think of it like a giant solar system, but instead of planets revolving around the sun, there are many universes

JOHN: uh, ok.

JOHN: that sounds...

JOHN: big.

JADE: it is!

JADE: so, bec was able to teleport anywhere in the universe he wanted in an instant, much faster than light

JADE: jack was able to do this too, within our session, and then when i inherited those powers from jadesprite, so could i

JADE: but we could only teleport locally

JADE: which means, bec could jump to anywhere in our universe, but not to another universe, or into a session

JADE: and jack could jump to anywhere in our session, but not outside it

JADE: we cant even jump to the green sun itself, even though we sort of serve as a gateway to it, and all its energy

JADE: and once we leave the suns domain, our travel is limited by the speed of light, like everyone else!

JADE: for example, the furthest ring is not in the suns domain

JADE: it is more like the suns medium, allowing it to exist

JADE: so if i wanted to fly out of our session and travel to the green sun, i would have to make my way there through the furthest ring at the speed of light or less

JADE: and wherever we are now is not in the suns domain either

JADE: so the same rules apply

JOHN: i see.

JOHN: it didn't really occur to me this was all so elaborate.

JOHN: like, if the green sun is at the center of a bunch of universes, like a huge solar system...

JOHN: doesn't that mean it was sort of important?

JOHN: maybe trying to blow it up wasn't such a great idea.

JADE: yes i think youre right

JADE: but to be fair, we were all the victims of a big prank!

JOHN: oh man, a prank??

JOHN: who pranked us?

JADE: some really creepy omniscient guy

JADE: it doesnt matter much, hes supposedly dead now

JOHN: oh. well that was quite a ruse then. that son of a bitch!

JADE: yes, but its not all as bad as it seems

JADE: theres a silver lining in all of this

JADE: like you said, a sun presiding over many universes has to be pretty cosmically important

JADE: who knows what terrible consequences there would be if it was destroyed

JADE: or maybe worse, if it never existed at all

JADE: which is what made rose and daves true mission an unintended success!

JOHN: their true mission?

JOHN: what was that?

JADE: to deliver the bomb to the empty location the green sun was meant to exist for most of eternity

JADE: and then create the sun in the first place

JADE: that is what the tumor was for all along

JOHN: ...

JADE: like i said

JADE: we got played like a bunch of suckers!!!

[trashcanfills]

So I just read your hanzo space hcs and I loved the part about hushed conversations between him and genji in Japanese and I'm sorry if this request doesn't make a lot of sense but could I ask for a reader who finds out hanzo likes them because they know Japanese and listen to the arguments between hanzo and genji? Thank you and I'm sorry if this is long or confusing.

Mam/sir no this is not confusing. I like that you elaborated on the scenario u wanted me to write cus boi it helps hehe.

This became a monster of a fic jesus so uhhh more content for you i guess pardon the wait. I might edit this later cus Im not sure if Im happy with it now but eh its been stuck in my inbox for so long with some other requests better release now.

Shimada Hanzo x Reader - Hidden Confessions

Hanzo would likely be crushing on you after spending quite some time with you as friends. It’s hard to tell though because he never really says how he feels out loud, like I doubt you even are aware he considers you as a friend unless you confident/observant as hell or sth happened that both of you had to clarify for the sake of your friendship.

But alright lets say that you both consider each other as friends and you both know that. Cus friends to lovers tropes are gucci hehehehehe.

Ok so you def have to be crushing on Hanzo at this point, which I dont blame you for btw like look at the man. There’s a reason for the loads of fanart around him.

Unfortunately as we all know with the fucking friends to lovers trope drama, you cant just admit you like Hanzo that way, cus what if he doesnt sees you that way and it ruins your friendship and makes everything btw u??? Uh yea better safe than sorry bitches. Just keep it down and appreciate that you get to hang out with the angsty ass archer anyway.

Except…some kinda weird things have been going on with Hanzo and Genji? You think you see Genji talking to Hanzo in hushed whispers abt something that, based on Hanzo’s flushed and irritated expression, Hanzo clearly doesnt want to talk abt. It HAS piqued you interest when it tends to occur more often whenever you see the Shimada bros tgt. Asking Hanzo about it however just has him to dismiss it and change the subject. Rip.

Later on those hushed conversations do end up occurring in front of you and other overwatch members, in Japanese, since not many people do really know the language and the conversation was prob meant to be abt sth private and secretive.

Except, you do know Japanese. You didn’t exactly inform Hanzo or Genji of it because it seemed really entertaining to have them have these supposedly private Japanese conversations OUT LOUD without realising there were people who understood what they were saying. I mean, if it was a really sensitive thing they should be speaking behind closed doors right? Like cmon lol.

Usually, whenever the Shimada brothers talk to each other in Japanese, they would exchange some form of wit or ridiculous reference to their past (like that time Genji tried to cajole Hanzo into joining the DDR contest during one of the weekly game night sessions, until Hanzo said he still has pictures of Genji’s 16th Birthday Party Incident in Japanese. Ngl you were a lil curious what the incident was, but its likely some form of embarrassing blackmail).

However THIS TIME, it was completely different. You were chilling with a few other overwatch members plus Hanzo and Genji in the recreation room. Cue your surprise when Genji decided to ask Hanzo in Japanese:

“Sooooo…have you confessed your feelings yet, brother?”

Im sorry HANZO?? HAS FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE????? Thank god they weren’t really focusing on you that much otherwise they would have noticed your body tense a little at that. You don’t know exactly how to feel about this because this can either spell sth great or very bad for you, but most likely bad because what are the chances…right?

Hanzo predictably flushes a little, scowling even harder. If you didn’t know any better you would probably have thought that the archer was pissed at Genji about something instead of being embarrassed (tho i mean when has hanzo never been annoyed at genji lol)

At Hanzo’s expression, Genji sighed out loud. “You do realise you can’t stew on your feelings forever-“

“I can if I want to and that is my decision to make, not yours.” Hanzo hissed back. Genji, unbothered by the interruption, continued:

“-and you have been pining for them for like almost a year.”

Hanzo scoffed. Genji kept going. “I mean they are literally just RIGHT THERE. You can ask them out on like a freaking date-“

“-and risk the potential embarrassment and fallout of our current platonic relationship?”

“Look, I doubt y/n would be the kind of person to-“ Sorry, hold the phone. Did Genji say YOUR NAME?? DOES HANZO ACTUALLY LIKE YOU BACK??? HOLY SHEET???? It was literally taking all of your concentration to not combust on the spot and give away the fact you could understand what they were saying in Japanese because HOLY FUCK HANZO RETURNS YOUR FEELINGS??

Ok ok calm down and listen back to the conversation because you were zoning out a bit from the revelation that Hanzo has a crush on you. Genji was still talking.

“-and you can’t be sure that they aren’t interested in you. Heck, from what I see, they seem very receptive to your boneheaded ass-“

“Being friendly and polite in a platonic relationship is no grounds for speculating romantic interest, you idiot. It’s only a common courtesy-“

“-dude do you NOT notice how much closer they are to you compared to anyone else here-“

“-and that means nothing, Genji. Cease this conversation.”

“Hanzo-“

“No. I do not wish to discuss this any further. Regardless of what you say, I severely doubt they would even like me that way.”

“Even then, just TRY. That is all I am asking of you, Hanzo. Because I want you to be happy for once-”

“You know, you guys could just asked me yourself right now if that’s what you are worried about.” You chimed in. “And speaking of which, I do actually like you too, Hanzo, and uhhh I would be totally open for a date anytime?”

Their reactions were priceless. The moment you spoke up in Japanese had the two Shimada brother halt their conversation to look at you in shock. Hanzo in particular had a myriad of expressions too entertaining to watch.

Hanzo practically went through an entire rollercoaster of emotions when you interrupted. Shock at you speaking Japanese, horror when he realised you spoke Japanese and understood it which meant you were able to listen through their conversation this entire time, until he processed the part on you liking him back which turned into a mix of joy, relief, embarrassment…yea rip Hanzo lol.

Genji meanwhile was trying so hard not to laugh because holy sheet your timing was excellent.

He had to shake Hanzo a bit to get him out of a daze, and gestured at him to ask you out. Hanzo gets his wits back after, glares at Genji because he’s such a lil shit. He then glanced at you briefly before looking away all flustered. “So uhhh…I’ll pick you for dinner at 7pm later?”

You gave him you biggest smile and agreed. That was the start of your beautiful romance with Hanzo, albeit with a mildly embarrassing start but hey, you guys got together since then. :3

BONUS: during the date

“I wasn’t aware that you knew Japanese.”

“You didn’t exactly ask me.”

“…Fair point but still.”

BONUS BONUS: immediately after Hanzo asks you out

“Holy fuck finally!”

“I-Cassidy WHAT?”

“Look. I had to sit through y/n telling me that they are crushing on Hanzo, and listen to them whine about how unfairly hot and cool Hanzo is. I couldn’t do anything about it because I had to keep it secret.”

“Mood.”

“Genji, why are you saying mood? I didn’t tell you about my crush on your brother-“

“I had to sit through Hanzo waxing poetry about you whenever he gets in this weird mood or when he gets drunk during our drinking sessions. It was funny at first but then got sad after a while when he kept making himself depressed over the idea you didn’t see him the same way.”

“You did NOT have to reveal that information-“

“You were the one who chose to confide in me, brother.”

“Hmph, then I suppose you won’t mind me showing y/n my collection of blackmail material of you, then.”

“Woah woah woah let’s not go THAT far-“

[spacexseven]

yaaaay tuna time tuna time. ok so the manga is I Love Amy and its about a yandere girl making friends with the lesbian mc to get closer to her male crush but finds herself really enjoying spending time with her. very good stuff highly recommend. anyway I will be scalping this whole plot for my brainrot! as I'm basing this off a wlw manga please read yan and darling as being the same gender (ex: dazai with a male darling, higuchi with a female darling) thank u.

so, following the aforementioned plot, darling actually starts out as yans TARGET instead of yans crush, accidentally getting on their radar by being seen talking to yans current obsession one too many times during routine reconnaissance (stalking). obviously they need to get rid of them! theyre getting in the way! crush shouldn't ever talk to anyone else but them!!!! 

when local freak loner weirdo yan suddenly asks if you want to hang out with them, alone, it occurs to you that you should be a little more cautious- but, truth be told, you've had a crush on them for a while... and you know its probably impossible that they swing your way, but couldn't hurt to give it a shot, right?

with this in mind (and lowkey kinda entranced by how pretty they are up close), you agree. 

lucky for you theyre perceptive enough to sniff out that ur a fruit and thus a complete non-threat, so you live another day! and, to their surprise, they find themselves kind of enjoying hanging out with you. 

yadda yadda yadda, the two of you strike a deal to help them get in good with their crush, theyve had pretty bad luck with this so far, but they seem to like YOU, so you can get them some one-on-one time! you're pretty bummed you were right about the person you like not being interested, but hey! theyre still your friend! as long as they can be happy, you’ll be happy for them! on their end, theyre just using you (or so they think). sure, you’re ok to hang out with or whatever, but your companionship doesnt mean anything compared to their crush. once they get what they want, youre pretty much donezo. 

i wont go on for too much longer about this here but im sure you get the idea, over spending time with them as friends and dedicating so much of your time to trying to help them find their happiness, yan starts turning their attention on YOU instead. they find themself getting irritated when they catch you talking to other boys/girls, what did you suddenly get a s/o or something? are you gonna stop hanging out with them? you cant DO that youre their ONLY friend! or they’ll surprise themself by desperately wanting to pass up spending time with crush to go stay with you instead. or getting REALLY REALLY mad when they see people being rude to you when they used to not care. little things like that. i feel like this concept could be really good for soft yan stuff but you COULD make it darker if you wanna. 

characters i think would work with this: bsd - dazai (specifically pm dazai cuz hes a freak with no social skills), akutagawa, poe, ranpo, sigma, higuchi, gin, lucy. genshin - childe, scaramouche, albedo, cyno, eula, ei (i feel a modern au would work best for ei here), rosaria, shenhe

- 🩹

something about the holidays has fried my brain but i cant let your asks go unanswered any longer !!!!! p.s i love amy is just wonderful thank you for the rec ^^ im just gonna go over this with childe because you deserve genshin content from me :< spoilers for childe's real name (tho i think everyone knows it by now lol) unedited!

context: X is the person ajax likes (as you can tell i am very good at coming up with names :>) some things here are taken from i love amy so give it a read !! it's totally worth it i promise~

at the time, you couldn't come up with a single reason why ajax had approached you all those days ago, accompanied only by a menacing look. in fact, you could still recall how the malice in his eyes deepened once he caught sight of you stumbling your way over in his direction.

you had heard the rumors about him (like everyone else had), and while you didn't want to judge someone because of what others had to say, you couldn't deny the fear that consumed you when he stared at you with thinly veiled distaste—right after interrogating you about your relationship with the person you had just been conversing with. it occurred to you far too late that ajax had witnessed the conversation between you and X, and now you were about to be at the receiving end of the terrors you had only heard of in passing.

your brain went into overdrive thinking of an answer. childhood friends? what if he got jealous that you spent so much time with X, time he couldn't have? but if you lied about not knowing X, he'd come after you anyway if he found out the truth, right? so you tried to come up with a lukewarm answer, something to show that you weren't trying to meddle with his…potential relationship. whether you said the two of you were partners for a project, neighbors or family friends, whatever it was, it worked in convincing him that you weren't interested.

but it worked too well, as you soon came to realize, after noticing how ajax was attached to you constantly. at your response, he had lit up and quickly pulled you closer, declaring you would help him by gathering information and helping him plan for the perfect date (and of course, there was not a single moment of consideration for your say in the matter)

even though you insisted over and over again that you'd be no help, with no experience in dating or flirting with anyone, let alone someone as popular as X, and claiming you weren't close enough with them to ask such detailed questions, ajax was far from bothered. perhaps, in his eyes, you were the perfect sidekick—obedient enough to drag around like a sulking pet, but not so compliant that you weren't of some use, at the very least for entertainment. and maybe, just maybe, because he was starting to feel a little lonely.

what he didn't know at the time was that you, despite all the warnings and whispers, had a crush on him. you reasoned with yourself that most people would fall for him, if not for his fixation with X. and although you knew he was 100% infatuated with someone else, you had foolishly thought it wouldn't be the worst idea to be his friend. you had hoped that hanging out with him and being faced with the reality that he would never look twice at you would work as a bitter yet effective remedy to the flustered racing of your heart and the fluttering sensation that seized you.

surprisingly, ajax made for decent company, disregarding the pain of unrequited affection. all your time together was mostly spent talking about X, which you never complained about, but you also learned a little about him, like the fact that he had younger siblings and that he participated in a lot of archery competitions. it occurred to you for a moment, that given his track record, ajax being so well-versed with a weapon probably wouldn't end well, but you shut down that thought almost immediately. he may talk about wanting X all for himself and may have some concerning fantasies, but even he wouldn't go to such lengths, right?

the more time you spent with him, however, the fewer opportunities you actually had to talk to X. still, despite how little use he had for you, ajax still kept you by his side. maybe it was, in his eyes, a good thing that you were staying away from X. some part of you itched to tell him that you wouldn't betray him like that...not like it mattered to him. you knew he was only using you, either as an information source or a test subject, and even if it hurt to know he'd never care about you like he did X, you never once considered distancing yourself from him

you liked to think that he liked your company too, at least as an acquaintance. after all, since that first encounter, he hadn't threatened to snap your arm if you didn't tell him everything you were talking to X about. maybe that time he dragged you away mid-conversation with your friend should have been alarming, or maybe that other time when you woke up tied to a chair in his basement ("don't worry," he had brushed off your concerned look, "i only did this because you kept saying you were too busy to come over. anyways…") should have sent you running, but you justified it to yourself as his odd way of watching out for you.

or more likely, the warning signs just flew over your head because you couldn't imagine that he would be as creepy as the rumors said. you did idolize him to an extent that you tried to justify all his strange habits. it didn't matter much, anyway, since you were well aware this arrangement was temporary—you were only serving as replacement company until he finally got with X, and then your presence in his life would instantly be shut out.

because you were under the impression that it was all temporary, you didn't mind, even when he started overstepping into your personal matters. more than once you had to cancel meet-ups with friends in favor of spending time with him, and the few times you did manage to be away from him, ajax would interrogate you about every detail of your day without him, and at the very end would demand you tell him if you enjoyed being away from him, scowling until you placated him.

and then, the 'practice dates' started feeling a little too real. with him insisting on feeding you spoonfuls of dessert and latching onto your hand uncomfortably tight. but honestly, you couldn't complain, even if you knew something was wrong. going out with X didn't seem as much of a priority as it was a way to convince you that he desperately needed your help in 'practicing'.

all this while, you were under the impression your role was simply to be a good friend to ajax. naturally, when you had an opportunity to talk to X again after such a long time, you jumped to take it. what you didn't expect was for ajax to come up behind you, gently moving you aside to instead tower over X, glaring at the person he'd been pining over so desperately. the words that left him next were similar to the ones you heard all those months ago, except, these were the last words you expected him to say.

"you," he spat out, "what the hell were you talking to [name] about?"

bonus because i have too many thoughts about this :>

you getting an s/o. ajax is upset for many reasons. a) you never told him that you liked someone b) were you really going on weekly dates with your new partner?? you never even hung out with him that consistently! what, were you throwing away your friend just for this new guy? and c) how could you leave him behind like this?! suddenly, your new s/o is bombarded with the sensation that someone was constantly glaring at them, and then at every corner, ajax is standing there...just...watching. maybe he was just shy?

you manage to convince X to give him one chance. one date, so he can try to win them over. what you don't expect is for ajax to try stalling. he comes up with reasons for more practice dates, asks you for more 'tips', and if he absolutely has to go, he doesn't do anything that he was supposed to. the date is a fail, despite all the practicing he did. to you, he claims it was the nerves that got to him. come on, comrade! you gotta help him practice more now!

[thestarryeyedsapphic]

critiques i have of tlc ranging from very stupid nitpicking to very valid criticisms

*i tried to do them in order of when they came up but some criticisms extend to the whole series

**i am (obv) a huge fan of these books but i am also a huge critic bc let’s face it they are far from perfect

one of the most egregious problems of the books is the way they treat Asian cultures. this post and this post do a better job than i ever could of explaining how problematic it is, so i highly HIGHLY recommend reading them if you haven’t seen them already (the second post also links even more articles about it)

so i guess i can understand most people not taking precautions about letumosis bc people are stupid (and also mm didn’t take pandemic precautions into account) but why is kai’s dumbass, (affectionate) whose father literally HAS letumosis, going out to a crowded space without any protection??

why wasn’t fixing nainsi cinder’s main priority i feel like she could have finished it a lot sooner??

the outta pocket transphobic joke,,,why

ok so i get why the commonwealth is a monarchy bc fairy tale reasons but kai could easily get rid of the threat of levana trying to marry him by de-establishing the monarchy so she can’t have that power

i know cinder is immune to letumosis (at this point) but she is BALLSY when going to and from the quarantines she could have easily given it to kai when she goes to see him right after (AND KAI LITERALLY KISSES THE GLOVE THAT SHE JUST TOUCHED SICK PEOPLE WITH I KNOW IT DOESNT SURVIVE ON FABRIC BUT THERE COULD BE TRACE AMOUNTS??)

the second the earthen leaders saw the wolf army they should have immobilized. ik they were in their era of peace or whatever so they didn’t have weapons but they should have started producing artillery the moment levana threatened them (very american of me to be like ‘let’s nuke them!!’ but it would have made for a good threat since Luna lacked the resources to stand against them in an arms race)

now idk if mm didn’t do enough research or if she just made up her own things about the behavior of wolves to fit her narrative, but like the alpha-beta-omega shit is based on an inaccurate study (although you could make the argument that bc it only occurs in wolves in captivity and technically the wolf soldiers were in captivity, the concept kind of holds up?? but the info scarlet read is just wrong so like,,,and i get that it’s a sci-fi book but this wolf stuff is presented as fact and most people think it IS fact which really irks me for some reason lol)

love you scarlet but why were you so pissed at wolf he literally tried to convince you not to go to the pack base and that it would be a trap but you did anyway and now you’re mad??

i kind of talked about this in one of my recent posts but it is kinda frustrating how scarlet went from having a whole book about her to being completely gone for the entirety of the next book,,,maybe im just a scarlet and a wolflet stan but this just felt weird to me

wolf’s character from this moment on was just reduced down to being obsessed with scarlet, and as much as i love wolflet and how much he loves her, he had a lot more going for him than just scarlet and that should have been explored (also he never apologized to cinder for STRANGLING her during one of his breakdowns and i feel like an apology is in order??)

a lot of other people have talked about this but the way winter’s mental illness was handled was #not good and the fact that she gets COMPLETELY cured at the end of the book kinda takes away from the representation like obv im glad she is okay but it is kinda frustrating when she is supposed to represent people with mental illnesses bc that shit don’t just go away

also i love scarlet and winter but sometimes scarlet was kind of mean to her especially about her mental illness which doesn’t really sit well with me (i still love you scarlet tho)

it’s time to talk about cresswell,,,obv no hate to cresswell stans bc aside from the problematic age gap, their relationship was well written and i really loved it when i first read the books and it’s really frustrating that cress is so young (along with the other female characters) when she didn’t have to be. now i know people might make the argument of age of consent and how we don’t know it in this universe, but in fairest when levana first comes on to evret, he makes a point of mentioning her age and how she’s too young for him at 16. pearl’s seamstress also tells adri that pearl is too young for marriage at 17, so clearly attitudes about these ages are at least somewhat similar to how we think about them in real life. even if we take cress’ age out of the equation, she is heavily infantilized (she literally SQUEAKS??) and has spent remotely zero time out in the real world. thorne in comparison has a lot of experience, both in the real world and in relationships, so he is significantly more mature than cress. her crush on thorne is fine and dandy but him reciprocating is where the problem is at because there is a definite power imbalance. i still love thorne <3 and obv know he wouldn’t take advantage of cress, but the fact that seventh grade me read this and was obsessed with their relationship and didn’t see anything wrong with it is kinda a big issue and kinda dangerous when you think about it

i also talked about this recently but like idc if they could revive cinder from the brink of death TWICE, cure thorne’s blindness, and cure winter’s mental illness, how cAN THEY NOT REVERSE THE SURGERIES??? like honestly alpha steele had a point of being pissed in wires and nerve!! if they could do the surgeries, they could def reverse them to some extent!!! i will never not be over this hghkskxj

bruh if i were kai i would have brought a whole horde of androids to put a cap in levana’s ass the second he got to luna that was such a missed opportunity

i might have more of these after i get through the rest of winter, but yeah i just had to go off

[keeby10]

Awesome! Do you have any backstories or like Toyhou.se profiles or anything about the Gigglecorp characters? As basic stuff fans could use for references to know them better?

I dont personally, no. The existing comics and cartoon are your best bet for that. Dom would know the most, but I'll do my best to write a couple basic bios for the characters here

Jeff - A slack off clown who works in the sales department of Gigglecorp. He pretty much never finishes his work, but also never seems to be fired for it, since it mysteriously gets done anyway. He'd much rather spend his time smoking weed and eating taco bell. His best friend is cory, who he always seems to be at odds with. Despite this, theyre never REALLY mad at eachother, its all friendly, and at the end of the day they enjoy each others presence a lot. (They did look into taking their friendship further once but decided quickly it would be better if they remained friends.) (Jeff is bisexual) Jeff is prone to bouts of depression, feeling that he has failed at life and that the world has gone to shit, but he always bounces back quickly. Jeff has blond hair underneath his jester hood, and also has many tattoos that he probably doesnt remember getting. He also openly carries a firearm. Jeff is probably a second generation German Immigrant to America, considering his father was part of the Nazi Army in WWII. Jeff is probably a virgin.

Cory - He also works in the Sales department of Gigglecorp, but is far better at his job than jeff. In fact, he's the top salesman at the company! Though, if he was bad at his job, he also wouldnt be fired for it, for some reason. Cory is typically laid back, and takes most of the strange things happening around him with a grain of salt. That being said, he is typically the voice of reason, or ironically, the "straight man" when it comes down to it. Thanks to this, Cory often finds himself begrudgingly playing along with the bullshit occurring at the moment. Cory occasionally just lies to jeff about things. Cory also is a bit of a jokester. Cory is gay, and apparently pretty smooth with it. When something is just a bit too strange to be true, you'll often find cory a bit flabbergasted when its revealed.

Flippo the Dancing Flea - The current HR Guy on floor 68 of Gigglecorp (the one jeff and cory work on). No one really likes him, despite him trying very hard to be friends with everyone, and he has a crush on Girlboss. He's also kind of a pervert. A pathetic guy, really. Look forward to his debut!

Groypmo - Full title: The Great Groypmo or Groypmo the Great or whatever. Before the incident, he was a famous circus performer. Now, he's become a lot more reserved and quiet, and has taken up a job in sales at Gigglecorp. He also has let himself go since his youth. He has a giant stomach tattoo that he somehow rotates out to be various maps of different locations (Spain being the most common one). In his circus days, it was a tattoo of his smiling face. He's the best salesman on floor 68 behind Cory, and if you watch him, he seems to do more work than he turns in. He also seems to have pedophilic tendencies, but that's just a veneer he puts up to appear harmless. What is he hiding...?

Girlboss - Full name Girlene Bossman, she's the manager of floor 68 of Gigglecorp. A cruel woman, she works her employees hard, and has threatened to kill them if they dont finish their assignments on time. When Jeff and Cory ended up in her department, her first task for them was forcing them to carve "here at gigglecorp we fuck your mom!" into all of the walls of her floor. She's also kind of incompetent as a boss, and probably got her position from nepotism. She's always looking for new ways to whip her employees into shape, and seems to make decisions for the office on a whim. She has a big crush on Cory, much to his chagrin, but this also lets him and jeff get away with more than they should. She created the green character and the other color characters. Who the hell knows how. She acts like she's way younger than she actually is.

The Malevolent Little Green Character Hellbent on Sabotaging your Career - The malevolent green character, or the green character for short, he's a chaotic little guy who runs around and causes trouble for the office in various ways. Apparently he's an employee on floor 68 and is just trying to do his job? He's also looking for a place to lay his eggs.

Veronique - As a mime, she can't speak. Thus is the plight of this group of clowns. She's the receptionist for floor 68, but she doesnt seem to do much work. Being mute isnt the best attribute for someone working reception. She doesn't like jeff at all and is neutral towards cory. She's one of 3 people on the floor given the privilege of a chair. She can't be fired. And she always is watching Jeff and Cory. I wonder why...?

The CEO - a mysterious figure who runs things from the shadows.

I hope these were informative, I'll answer any other questions I can!

[flockofdoves]

finally finally finally(!!!) got to go to have my first appointment with my new primary care doctor after her having such a long waiting list (even though it still was way shorter than other doctors ppl in a local lgbt fb group recced as being good with fat patients) and then having my first scheduled appointment last may canceled due to her having a family emergency

and god. started tearing up afterwards. ive never had such a good doctors appointment in my life.

she ordered the tests i asked about and gave me the sleep doctor referral i needed but then also went above and beyond and was thorough with ordering even more tests for stuff that occurred to her

it was so validating like i was trying to step around like ‘a friend with sleep apnea really encouraged me to look into getting a sleep study done and i already did one of those take home ones where you tape a little thing around your finger last year and it was negative but idk i thought maybe if possible i’d want to look into it still in case its something beyond obstructive sleep apnea’ and she was like yes of course! but then also asked ‘did the test you did at home come with any head gear?’ and when i was like ‘no just the finger thing the uhhh. blood oximetry light thing’ she was like ‘pshhh the only decent at home tests have head gear, thats nothing! and of course even then it doesnt look into a whole lot of other sleep issues’ which god. was sooooo affirming

and she was so upfront about the referral like ‘look. most sleep specialists around here are old cis white men who can be super intimidating and i’ve had issues with them misgendering my patients, if you tell me something like that happens i’ll always advocate for you, i’ve done it before, but just know that even if they dismiss you in the moment, while you shouldn’t have to go through that, you’re just there to get the results of those tests and i can help you advocate for what you need from there. not saying that to scare you off from doing it at all i’m writing the referral right now! but just i feel like to be responsible even if i know that type of doctor isn’t something new to most people, i still should give you that warning. i’d definitely recommend bringing a friend to your appointment with them if you can’

i know from people saying in the fb group that she is lgbt herself, but in addition to that the way she mentioned neurodivergence and me being autistic when referencing my medical history and also connecting it to other stuff i feel like she also has personal experience w that herself it was really cool

and god i still eased into it a bit despite literally going to her bc ppl said she practices HAES but the way she just seemed to totally Get all my stuff with my atypical restrictive eating disorder and experience with fatphobia in recovery and never mentioned my bmi and unprompted (when describing another medical concept with it as a relevant example) dismissed the idea of intentional weight loss diets as healthy for anyone

and both was really responsive to and appreciative of me just coming with a list of stuff i was thinking about and advocating for myself but then also suggested certain diagnoses as stuff to look into based on just like. normal listening to me without me even trying to feed information to passively hopefully get care which was so affirming bc it was all stuff i’d been curious about if could be the case for me but didn’t want to prioritize to look into above the main stuff i came with after not having a doctor for so long

also found out she also specializes in obgyn stuff so i dont even have to find another doctor for that!!

its slightly nervewracking that my follow up can’t be til december (also between that and her being pretty late to my appointment to help another patient, it makes me feel like. god. this system isn’t set up for good caring doctors to succeed. i hope she never gets burnt out or anything) fortunately i can at least do some of the blood work basically any time i’m free so thats cool

but god im just so grateful!!! holy shit!!! :)