#and it felt just like another normal day
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hi... (runs away)
#HELLO (comes back w better confidence)#i miss all of you :<#will respond soonest#!!!#have you guys seen rin'#s official arts#it's been occupying my mind lately#esp that one where he looks like a knight or sumn#imagine rin as a grumpy yet so damn protective knight??? yeah that (like a grumpy obi...)(I ROOTED FOR OBI)#anw!! i turned 20!!!#aaaaa 20 is like... a scary number#i've never thought i'll made it this far and i haven't planned anything up to this pot#*point#so i've been really anxious abt it lol#but then it happened#and it felt just like another normal day#i ate some pie (bec its pi day lol) and had some wine#watched your name (for the 6th time????)#and just. existed. normally#the world doesn't spin differently when you turn 20 i suppose#or any age actually#so it doesn't have to be scary :>#i'm treating it as a reminder#that i am here#despite it all :>#SO THERES MY LIL UPDATE#i'm alive i swear#mimi rambles ᐢᗜᐢ
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I need a completely rewritten teen wolf series with Derek Hale as the main character. I think it would heal me.
#we follow Derek from New York. Laura left for beacon hills. it’s been six years since he was back but he hasn’t heard from her#and hes going stir crazy waiting. he packs up and travels back. it’s almost too much immediately. he still can’t get a hold of Laura#he can’t resist going home. it’s like a natural pull that guides him back. all at once he’s 16 again. staring at the wreckage of his life#deputy stilinski is sherrif now. it’s reassuring in the slightest that the police force seems to have moved on from how corrupt it was#he catches her scent and it’s putrid. bile catches in his throat. he seeks it out. still in denial to what he knows it means.#when he finds Laura it’s like the world ends all over again. he can’t stand to see her like this. he gives her a proper burial.#the best he can do at least#he visits Peter. he’s not the man Derek remembers- so full of fire and cunning. their relationship may have been strained at times.#often Derek felt more like Eve being swayed by the snake than a normal friendship#but this isn’t the sharp tongued uncle who guided him. this is a broken shell. all that remained of his family. he was so lost.#22 but he barely knew how to function without his family- his pack paving the way#Laura handled everything. she got the apartment. she made sure they had food. Derek looks back and feels so useless#he was so lost in his grief. Laura must of felt the same way but she never let them drown in it#she made sure he got his GED. even got him to enroll in community college classes.#he took them online. he never was able to warm up to people the same way. he used to be so full of life. now he just wanted to be left alone#he studied English. never finished his degree. doesn’t look like he ever will now. he can’t go back to Laura and his shared home.#can’t bare to see another shell of a home#he vents to the vacant audience of Peter and his cold fixed eyes#Derek leaves. he wants to promise he’ll return soon#but promises feel costly these days#he decides to go back to the reserve. maybe he can find some clue as to what happened to Laura#someone lured her here. someone who knew them and their history here#his mind went to the worst. Kate. why would she go through the trouble six years later. why wait so long.#Derek couldn’t stomach the thought of facing her. he focused on the woods. the scents were all over the place.#clearly multiple people had been through here recently. two scents were much stronger. Derek follows them#but when he hears the crunch of leaves he realizes why the scents are so strong. they’re still here#he ducks behind some trees. listening in on their conversation. but an echo of their scent catches his attention#he spots an inhaler on the ground. he puts two and two together and swipes it from the leaves.#he comes out once they’re closer. tossing over the inhaler- he figures they’ll leave. dumb kids messing around in the woods#he reminds them this is private property. though that may not be true anymore. he recognizes the scent of a new beta. interesting.
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........creachure
#cats#his eyes are always so big and weird he no longer looks like a cat anymore sometimes.. in a way...#it's hard to understand.. complicated vibes on this boy#his summer sprawl (laying flopped out on the floor weird because of the heat)#I AM still trying to get some costumes done and also post another poll advtnure so I can finally finish it lol#the weather this month has just been soooo.... There was the heat wave and then after like 2 days of coolenss where I was like 'ah! finally#I can be productiv!' but just as soon as I had recovered from the heat.. it got hot again ghhhh#currently sweating inside. I actually had to leave my doctors appointment early today because I was just so so warm from#sitting in the car and the fac tthat half the buildings still do not have their air up very high and etc. and I felt so nausous#and flushed and started to get back and stomach pains for some reason.. Which I guess is good in a way to further confirm to doctors that#I Have Something Wrong With Me lol (most normal people should not be this heat sensitive I think) but is also still a little stinky#because I still payed a copay for the fulla appointment time but cit it short by leaving 15minues early.. grrr#ANYWAY. It seems like recently it's just hot all the time but it will ocasionally tempt you with a cool day of reprieve BUT don't let your#guard down! because as soon as you start to think 'hey things are getting better! :0' the sun will be like NO actualy. scalding temperature#be upon ye..#Which of COURSE. I would rather have hot weather with little breaks in between than just constant hot weather. 100% definitely.#but it just always makes me sad because I get my hopes up lol.. JUST as I've recovered from the past heat and am So Ready To Start#On All My Things now That I'm Not As Sick And Hey Maybe It's Even Cool Enough To Do A Costume! .. my hopes are dashed#.. woe and so on and so forth. . Which I am stil managing to get a few things done but just.. not the things I really WANT to do (costumes.#sculptures. edit videos. etc. ).#anyway.. look at son.. If nothing else I still have lots of cat photos.. my sole productivity offerings to the internet online world
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I've been thinking about the tragedy of Elizabeth Woodville living to see the death of her family name.
I don't mean her family with her husband, which lived on through her daughter and grandson. I mean her own.
Her sisters died, one by one, many of them after 1485. When Elizabeth died, only Katherine was left, and she would die before the turn of the century as well.
All her brothers died, too. Lewis died in childhood. John was executed. Anthony was murdered. Lionel died suddenly in the peak of Richard's reign, unable to see his niece become queen. Edward perished at war. Richard died in grieving peace. For all the violence and judgement the family endured, it was "an accident of biology" that ended their line: none of the brothers left heirs, and the Woodville name was extinguished. We know the family was aware of this. We know they mourned it, too:
“Buy a bell to be a tenor at Grafton to the bells now there, for a remembrance of the last of my blood.”
Elizabeth lived through the deposition and death of her young sons, and lived to see the end of her own family name. It must have been such a haunting loss, on both sides.
#(the quote is by Richard Woodville in his deathbed will; he was the last of the Woodville brothers to die)#elizabeth woodville#woodvilles#my post#to be clear I am not arguing that the death of an English gentry family name is some kind of giant tragedy (it absolutely the fuck is not)#I'm trying to put it into perspective with regards to what Elizabeth may have felt because we know her family DID feel this way#writing this kinda reminded me of how I am just not fond at all about the way Elizabeth's experiences in 1483-85 are written about#and the way lots so many of the unprecedentedly horrifying aspects are overlooked or treated so casually:#the seizure and murder of two MINOR sons and the illegal execution of another;#her sheer vulnerability in every way compared to all her queenly predecessors; how she was harassed by 'dire threats' for months;#how she had 5 very young daughters with her to look after at the time (Bridget and Katherine were literally 3 and 4 years old);#how unprecedented Richard's treatment of her was: EW was the first queen of england to be officially declared an adulteress;#and the first and ONLY queen to be officially accused of witchcraft#(Joan of Navarre was accused of her treason; she was never explicitly accused of witchcraft on an official level like EW was)#the first crowned queen of england to have her marriage annulled; and the first queen to have her children officially bastardized#what former queens endured through rumors* were turned into horrifying realities for her.#(I'm not trying to downplay the nightmare of that but this was fundamentally on a different level altogether)#nor did Elizabeth get a trial or appeal to the church. like I cannot emphasize this enough: this was not normal for queens#and not normal for depositions. ultimately what Richard did *was* unprecedented#and of course let's not forget that Elizabeth had literally just been unexpectedly widowed like 20 days before everything happened#I really don't feel like any of this is emphasized as much as it should be?#apart from the horrifying death of her sons - but most modern books never call it murder they just write that they 'disappeared'#and emphasize that ACTUALLY we don't know what happened to them (this includes Arlene Okerlund)#rather than allowing her to have that grief (at the very least)#more time is spent dealing with accusations that she was a heartless bitch or inconsistent intriguer for making a deal with Richard instead#it also feels like a waste because there's a lot that can be analyzed about queenship and R3's usurpation if this is ever explored properly#anyway - it's kinda sad that even after Henry won and her daughter became queen EW didn't really get a break#her family kept dying one by one and the Woodville name was extinguished. and she lived to see it#it's kinda heartbreaking - it was such a dramatic rise and such a slow haunting fall#makes for a great story tho
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Cozytober - Day 25 - Sunflowers
#Cozytober#Margot's RF Art#Rune Factory Frontier#RF Frontier#RFF#The internet isn't down today so I can submit at a normal time yay!!#I legit had a relaxing time painting this. I was starting to feel burned out yesterday- happens when you draw every day.#when some don't turn out like you liked. Happens with all art. Especially when you were ill while drawing some.#and you have to return to work after not being able to BREATHE. Physical burnout too.#But. Today.#Today I felt so relaxed and nice. Had nice social moments from across my life that helped kick burnout/self worth in the face#Especially when 3 different friends reach out- randomly- within a half hour of one another. As if they knew you needed it#Feels very nice to be reminded you're loved (and you out there- you are.)#And what else I love- Anette. A woman who loves early mornings and fruit after my own heart#If I'd played Frontier before discovering 1 Anette might be the other otp half. As it stands I just adore HER & love drawing her every year#Rune Factory Anette#RF Anette#While I had run out of prep sketches I can snag 2 or so from unfinished sketches from earlier this year for this week#Let's see if it helps--
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hello, ive been learning portuguese for a bit and i was wondering if you had any recommendations for media? like youtubers, blogs, movies or series. if you do, thanks in advance
uff fuck, i will sure try my best but i can’t promise anything
I normally get my dose of Portuguese via going to academic workshops or working alongside Brazilian people, so I don’t exactly engage with media in Portuguese as a conscious learning process, I'm afraid. Like, for example, i normally just get a bunch of Instagram reels and TikToks cause I'm on the Brazilian side of instagram/tiktok, and not exactly because i follow any particular account or something, and i don’t level or recognize how hard the Portuguese is in each one, etc
I have some series that i remember watching and liking tho, which are:
De volta aos 15: a drama/comedy series around a 30yo woman that time travels a few times to when she was 15 and tries to fix everyone's life, as one does
A sogra que te pariu: a very absurd sitcom in the best latinoamerican style (and set during covid)
Samantha!: Another comedy, now about a kid star from the '80s who is trying to launch herself back
Lulli: comedy, drama and romance. A medic student gets electrocuted and starts hearing everyone's thoughts
3%: suspense, fiction, drama. Set on a diasporic word where, while everyone gets a one-time change to better their life, only the 3% makes it
Ciudad invisible: Drama, mystery. This one has lots of references to folk culture and stories! It's about a man who, after a family tragedy, starts seeing different mythological creatures that will help him uncover the past
omnisciente: sci-fi, drama, thriller. The city is controlled and watched all the time everywhere by drones. A woman tries to solve a murder that the drones never picked on + plus discover how fucked up the system and the drones are
Coisa mais linda: Drama, romance, set in 1959, after getting cheated on and left alone, a woman sets herself to open her own bossa nova club
ninguem tá olheando: comedy, drama, fantasy after discovering some secrets of the bureaucratic angelic system, a guardian angel set himself to break every rule that there is for protecting humans
Valentina: drama a young trans girl moves to a more conservative rural town
Alice júnior: Coming of age film about a YouTuber trans girl as she challenges her catholic school's conservative ways
#you can always check/follow latinotiktoks here on tumblr#there is not only lots of videos in portuguese#but also ppl are always asking for recomendations about music tw shows books etc#specially those that are more closely related to brasil/latine culure(s)#a fair warning about the list above: while several are pretty light. some of the stuff addressed on other will be very heavy#+ as i said. i don't really remember or notices how advanced was the language used#what more?#many of them can be found in myflixerz.to#i sooo wanted to also mention orgulho e paixon which is a telenovela adaptation of all the jane austen books#but it felt a little too much sdjskhkjads#for other types of media/hobbies i just recomend to do what u normally do but search it in portuguese#like i loove to draw and paint and sometimes i look up video reviews of art supply to see which one will be best for me#but instead of searching it in english or my mother tongue#i just search it in portuguese#sometimes is more less of following an account and add them to your already formed rutine and alike#and more like just working and exciting in another language during a normal day
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fun fact about me: i'm insecure about so many random things that i've never flipped anyone off in my 22 years of life because i think my middle finger looks awkward and ugly by itself
#and like i say: brf slt#i felt like this especially when i would have been likely to do it semi-regularly like in middle school. but like i was thinking about this#the other day and i did it in front of a mirror just to check and it looked as bad as i remember like it's just not for me#i have a story abour middle fingers though or just about what one would call the finger#when i was in what an american would call the 5th grade (i can never do when i was x years old because it's not an accurate representation#of the class i was in since i skipped a grade and the grade is what matters more to me. when i was 9 and my friends were 10 i was saying)#we would always play this game called girls catch guys or guys catch girls where the girls would run after the guys and like tap them on#the shoulder and then they would go to prison and they would line up and another guy could set them free by like touching one of the#prisoners it was a very fun game except it's way more fun to be like the ones getting caught than to be the ones catching and we would#ALWAYS play girls catching guys and it was very unfair we would be like okay in the morning we do guys catching girls in the afternoon#girls catching guys so it's fair like normal system but the guys NEVER wanted to do it (and we would always give in because like we still#wanted to play ig and idk guys. female socialization) they never wanted to be the ones doing the catching it was so unfair because we also#didn't like it as much and we did it all the time?#and i remember this one morning we were fighting about this we had literally all agreed that it was fair this way but they didn't want to#do it and my second best male friend flipped me and my best (female) friend off and (very#important detail) he did it with both of his hands so like two middle fingers and i don't know why because i'm not even sure that that's a#thing but one middle finger meant fuck you and two middle fingers meant go fuck yourself and to us that was very different? and i remember#my friend and i we like knew what it meant but for some reason we were like. he did do the one finger before doing the two does this mean#he...loves us because it literally means he wants to have sex with us#but what's funny is we never talked to him again after that and i don't even know why that was our last straw because i remember i#genuinely liked him before that like i said he was my second best male friend! so like maybe sixth best friend overall that's not bad#and he's not the only guy friend who flipped us off that year like it was so random to stop talking to him after that😭#like he was an actual enemy we really did not like him we talked about him in letters we'd give each other using a nickname etc#and what's even funnier is in our last year of middle schoold FOUR YEARS AFTER THIS a friend of a friend told him he should become friends#with well my friend and he was like hm i don't think so have you seen who she hangs out with? marianne *last name* like why do YOU hate#me😭 it was so funny like wdym it was mutual this whole time. i had literally moved on by then i didn't even care about hating him#anymore like wow...i think he's the only person i hated who actually hated me back
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#to this day...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#vent
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your first love hits different
#another day another vent-in-the-tags post#i came across a picture of me and my fiest boyfriend of five years today. picture must've been 10 years old at this point#found many more pictures of him and us on my dad's old pc#i can just feel my body pull and heart ache when i look at him in the pictures#wondering what my life would've looked like if i hadn't broken things off between us#we tried to stay friends and a couple of months later we went for a drink. when daying goodbye he moved in to kiss me#i was hesitant and stepped away. he couldn't bare having me in his life while not being together so he cut off all contact#don't get me wrong in any of my thoughts- i love babe whole heartedly and he's the only man for me now and in my future#it's just that nagging feeling burried deep. the 'what if's. what if i felt more confident about my body back then?#what if i hadn't moved on so quickly? what if i had let him kiss me?#i tried texting him telling him i was approved for gbp surgery (i broke things off because i was very insecure about my body)#he congratulated me and sincerely wished me all the happiness in the world but also asked me not to contact him again after this#it's been 7-ish years but every now and then i wonder how he's doing and what he's up to#he doesn't really have social media apart from facebook (and that page is private) and i only stayed in touch with his former best friend#but i'm not gonna ask him because i know they haven't spoken in years either#i've had plenty more relationships after him but i rarely ever think about those guys#am i okay? is this normal? lol#i should get my head out of this rabbit hole asap#add: the picture is almost 15 years old lol. my math ain't mathing. we met in 2009. not that it's important#i think i just moved on too quickly and didn't allow myself time & space to grieve. that's why he keeps popping up in my thoughts now & then
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sometimes I’m scared that other people only think my outfits eat when they emphasize my waistline and make me look skinny and not when it’s an outfit that I put a lot of care into because it’s another form of expression for me
#silv's back on her bs#like I know I probably sound like ‘boohoo it must be so hard for other people to think you’re skinny’ but I just mean that like.#I’m really proud of the outfits I put together#I like my style and I like how I’ve spent the last couple years exploring with it and letting it be another extension of myself#and I’ve created a (very small) rep around having cool outfits#but the other day someone complimented my outfit and don’t get me wrong I felt nice that day#but it was literally just low rise sweatpants and a cropped tee (ie heavens forbid I had skin showing and my stomach was out)#like was it cute? sure but it definitely wasn’t an Outfit#and I got a lot more compliments because on it then I do on a normal basis#and idk. I wasn’t the biggest fan of that#and I’m scared that I’m also starting to use it as a crutch when I’m putting clothes on before I leave#like the other day I was putting an outfit together and instead of reaching for something that I think is really cool and being creative#I was genuinely met with a wave of like ‘okay but how attractive am I gonna be if I wear this’ or ‘would other ppl think I look good’#which is FUCKED#because I LOVE clothes!!!! I LOVE dressing up!!!! and I KNOW that I don’t need to look good for others that beauty and style doesn’t#have to be conventional that there’s so many cool things that lie outside that framework. And I used to be outside of that framework too#but UGH I hate that everyone else’s opinions on MY body are starting to get to me#anyways i feel like this should have a cw but idk what to add#ask to tag#ig(?)
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<<DNI if you shame people for having "cringe" interests>> *proceeds to shame or disrespect someone for having interest in fictional stuff they don't like instead of using the block button even though that person has done anything to anyone*
#vent??? I guess??? idk#some people is mind-blowing to me. not in the good sense#idc much about fandom discourse or whatever but the level of blindness or hypocrisy some reach is??#like you see them telling everyone they are supportive and reality ≠ fiction but then make gymnastic levels of stretching to explain why--#--what they like is good 👍 and everything they dislike or they're neutral of shouldn't exist and who enjoy it should kill themselves#and it doesn't even need to be something gross like this time I have seen it is because others like Kuromi more than My Melody dude wtf? 😭#guys is it homophobic to be cishet? Because apparently according to some who support everyone of the collective being cishet is enough to--#get blocked. If it was reversed they would get called out for their weird behaviour but ig I'm the weird one#like. One thing is blocking or putting boundaries because that's what social media is for. Curating your space is normal and it should--#always be#but another thing is opinating [insert sexuality/gender] is 'on thin ice' for just...being on the internet???#Idk what I was expecting from Twitter tbh. Although I see people like that in every social media#so sad and tiring#just say you don't want others to have different takes in whatever fandom you are and go. You don't need to give explanations or aact-#--like you are always objective and therefore correct#Anyway in this house we stan Kuromi and cishet people as long as they don't discriminate anyone for their gender identity or sexuality 👍#If you have read this far I'm sorry. Seems long. Have a nice day 🫶#and if you are wondering no that person didn't do anything to me they were talking about Kuromi/straights in general#but I felt the need to share#tw vent#edit: Seems like they did reach somebody over their interest in fandom stuff. Not surprises there#God forbid people to make their internet experience about their hobbies and interests#instead of curating THEIR OWN BLOG and thinking of what others want them to like instead#just a warning for those who like my shit. Unfortunately for you I like fictional characters being evil or morally grey as much as#fictional characters being good people#sorry guys block me if you want Imma keep using critical thinking 🤷♂️#OH AND WHAT UPSETS ME THE MOST: When somebody breaks their own dni to go to somebody to tell them they suck or whatever#like????? Why would you do that if you despise x trope or thing sm???? So you want everyone to respect your boundaries except yourself????#you just waste your own time and those you interact with by trying to create a raging conversation for all parts#fandom discourse
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100 hrs in & I don't think I've ever wanted to rage quit playing a game on normal mode before qwq;;;;;
it's so unforgiving I just feel like starting over from scratch on easy mode
I don't mind a little bit of a challenge but this is just too much for me I'm just trying to start act 3 man pls stop killing my party qwq
#baby bat unmuted#and if I start over I'm just gonna go dark urge with the same character this time#and then I'll probably play out all my dnd ocs as dark urges#I'm just tired of being tpk'd rn#after fighting 3 major boss fights back to back in one day#I just wanted to get to the city man I'm so close#I also screwed up the romance thing cuz I actually missed something important in act 1 so I guess it's impossible now#I wish you could start romancing companions in act 2 as well#because it felt like I beat act 1 faster than I found an interest in any of the companions#I just want to be able to enjoy the story without having to reload a quick save every 5 seconds#easy modes tend to be too easy but hopefully it's more balanced than the normal mode#just another thing I have to sleep on#bg3
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Bahhh
#been feeling crummy#doesn't help my eliptical machine finally gave up#but I've been obsessing again#i hate it when I do this because I don't feel like I have any control over it#no matter how hard I distract myself I just keep thinking about the pains and stuff#this morning I couldn't stop thinking about how abandoned I feel/felt#yesterday and today i just feel ugly. unsightly.#and i wanna make friends but also i know I'm super intense with my feelings and reactions.#and i know. we just live inna day and age where people just. don't have the patience for it#it feels like if i ever complain to anyone they'll just abandon me and complain about how like#self absorbed and emotional I am#and I know this is all irrational but when it actually happens to you when the worst case scenario actually happens#you get so jumpy and frightened#my problems seem so intense and so much cause everytime I bring it up I judt get hit with#“oh.” or “wow.” or “im sorry.”#and its like you're clearly uncomfortable! and now I feel bad! and its like I can never tell anyone whats wrong.#and the few people who do listen I can never get them to talk to me in normal circumstances#so i feel like you're a therapist more than a friend and thats worse bc its like im using you#vent#i just feel like crying but I know it wont fix anything and i'll just get another nose bleed
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spearhead squad, as ur heart desires.
#wip#i failed the run but the pure happiness i felt seeing a temp. recruit skalter was unmatched#i had low light low hope everyone was getting rejections and there she was. another healer since i wasnt getting one besides jordi#not even upgraded :(#anyways we died in the indigo cradle right after the 'im seaborn' dream so fitting#i'll probs finish the skalter and texas later but just this because my attention is tiny#oh! for funnies i thought to draw any support or temp units (any that aren't mine) as like#really really well drawn or like; pretty while any of my units are drawn#like that#so in a group of just mine they look normal but next to support or friends units the look like chibi verses in game cg#so i cant sloppy and call it a day on them#anyway!! shout out to friend with fully lvled m6 texas alter with max module who i keep bringing to my IS runs ilu#oh#arknights
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feels very strange to get podcast ads about how pride friendly orlando is rn what with the current political conditions of florida for very large swathes of the queer community
i mean i dont have any suggestions for like idk the marketing team of the orlando tourism board to do any better like i certainly wouldnt know how to advertise rn, thats a rough hand youre stuck with and i hope your shit ass transphobe fascist politicians drop dead.
just. wild to hear rn
#toy txt post#and like maybe it is a pride friendly area within florida but like the fact that im getting advertised it from a very different state#its just Feels Very Weird. its like the same energy as when companies started having normal ads again about having like#holiday gatherings and football parties in like 2021/2022? like no actually the unprecedented times are still upon us. your pandemic ads#were insufferable for sure like they felt very weird and stupid and patornizing and but you have somehow managed to Make It Worse#thats kinda how it feels like the same vibe. it was one thing before it was pride month and it was just like casually trying to convince me#to come to universal and disney but now its june so theyre talking about their Gay Days#and like it would almost certainly be very weird and uncomfortable if it was like listen we acknowledge the current guy we have#is going like full blown fascist with an intent on genociding queer and particularly trans ppl but like listen we installed this new ride#and we'd really like for it to pay for itself with ticket sales or whatever. idk just feels weird. i dont know if i have a suggestion for#the advertising board of tourism in orlando to do differently like i dont have a suggestion for them except to maybe get that fucker out of#office. and it probably feels less weird if ur like In The State or in another state with similar horrifying shit#its probably like well whatever and thats fair. i mean its not fair i hope all your transphobic fascist ass politicians drop dead and that#yall will be safe#anyway. just. very weird. anyway idk. @mouse if you kill desantis with no mercy just fucking destroy his ass#ill forgive u a little bit and consider hitting up your extremely expensive theme park if i have the funds. universal if u pitch in on#destorying that bastard ill consider visiting you again too. again if i have the funds. i wont go to the terf wizard section but i do want#to see the new hulk track 🥺#ppl of florida especially marginalized ppl of florida. you deserve so much fucking better than you got im so sorry#floridian govt makes me so mad for like the regular human reasons of. they suck for a lot of fucking people and also the very important and#unique ecosystems yall have down there but also for the personal selfish reasons of. florida seems like Really Cool if it didnt have#like#the fascists. and gun culture. id love the climate. well. on the Atlantic side. gulf too warm for me personally. so many creatures down#there. cool places and you got those Very themey theme parks and listen i would like disney to have less power (#(AFTER THEY DISEMBOWEL DESANTIS. I WANT THEM TO DESTROY HIM AND HIS CRONIES FIRST. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ANYTHING)#but like they did kinda go off with the Theming. i do love that. universal too BUT. not to derail this post into roller coasters but also#sorry that is a thing im incapablw of being normal about sorry UH universal also went tf off with the themeing and i Love it HOWEVER#i do with the coasters were more. visible. i cant speak for disney i only went once as a very small tiny child and i remember nothing#but i went to universal in high school like Right before they completely retracked hulk and the theming was incredible i was obsessed.#but there was no way to see most of the coasters without actually riding them which i did find very disappointing.
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