#and it makes ur life easier when you are able to talk to her

[thursdayg1rl]

Really trying not to get angry at my sister for always forgiving my aunt and talking to her as if nothing happened after every one month long silent treatment..

[littlexdeaths]

scotty doesn’t know - e.m. iii.

eddie munson x fem reader

18+ ONLY MDNI

warnings: cheating, lil sprinkle of angst, shitty (ex) boyfriend behavior, some major fucking CHEESE (sorry if ur lactose intolerant), reader is the ultimate tease, dom!eddie, light bondage, degradation kink, oral (m receiving), ass/pussy spanking, multiple orgasms, unprotected piv sex, cream pie

series masterlist

based on scotty doesn’t know by lustra

a/n: honestly about to dedicate my entire life and blog to @strangerstilinski because i couldn’t have gotten this one done without her help. also thank you everyone who has been so incredibly patient with me, i hope you enjoy xx.

word count: 8.2k

The weekend had come and gone way too fast.

And now Monday was staring you right in the face, and with it— a very important decision.

You spent the rest of your weekend with Eddie, cuddling, talking and just enjoying each other's company. For those two days you were in your own little world together and you honestly never wanted it to end. But realistically you knew you had to go home and return back to your reality.

A reality where you belonged to someone else.

Your parents were absolutely livid by the time you returned home late Sunday evening, getting the biggest lecture of your life after Eddie had dropped you off. To add fuel to the fire, Scott had been calling your house nonstop since Saturday morning, much to your parents' annoyance. But that was a conversation you weren’t ready to have just yet.

Especially not over the phone.

You tossed and turned all night, desperately trying to figure out what you were going to say to him.

Monday was going to be rough, you knew that. But the thought of being able to finally show everyone who your heart really belonged to made things a little easier. You hadn’t exactly let Eddie know of your plans to dump your boyfriend the following day but he could tell something was up.

From the way you kissed him goodbye in his van, right out in the open for anyone to see, including your parents. And the look you gave him as you glanced over your shoulder before continuing up your driveway. It gave him a spark of hope that maybe this wasn’t just a silly fling to you either.

You got ready that morning with shaky hands, tucking one of Eddie’s band tees into your Levi’s. The male had let you wear it home the previous day, mostly because he enjoyed the sight of you in his clothes a little too much. You fiddle with the belt loop of your jeans as you stare at your reflection.

A mixture of nerves and excitement swirled in your belly as you took in your appearance, smoothing your sweaty palms over your thighs.

You can do this.

You take one final look before grabbing your backpack and bound down the stairs with a newfound pep in your step. You can’t help the goofy smile from spreading across your face as you think of seeing Eddie, and it makes all this seem a little easier. You all but ignore the curious looks from your parents as you bolt out the front door.

They hadn’t seen you this happy in months.

But as you drive to school, those pesky nerves begin to creep back in as you pass Scott’s jeep. You will your heart rate to slow as you search for a parking spot. A sense of relief fills your chest when you notice one just a few spots down from a very particular van. Your hands shake as you pull the key from the ignition, taking a moment to collect yourself before you head inside.

You try to ignore the curious eyes of your peers as you enter the school, knowing the events of the previous Friday were still fresh in their minds. And you reach your locker without incident, quickly yanking it open to put away your textbooks. You keep your head down as you walk to your first class, part of you was just waiting for Scott to sneak up on you.

Oddly enough you hadn’t seen him or Eddie all morning, which was extremely unusual. By now Scott would've walked you to first class and you’d be spending your second period study hall with Eddie. So seeing neither of them had your mind racing, and your anxiety spiking.

Had Scott figured it out? Did he confront Eddie?

A pit begins to form in your stomach at the thought, and you don’t think you could ever forgive yourself if Eddie was hurt because of you. You’re so wrapped up in your own head that you don’t notice someone beginning to approach you. A look of determination on their face.

“I need to talk to you.”

The voice startles you, panic rises in your throat as your eyes lift. You are expecting to meet Scott’s icy glare, or the warmth of Eddie’s gaze. But instead, you are met with the soft but stern cerulean of Dustin Henderson.

“Me?” you ask softly, glancing around you before back at the younger male.

“Yes you,” he huffs in annoyance.

“What could you possibly need to talk to me about?” you keep your tone hushed as he takes the empty chair across from you.

“I know you think you’re fooling everyone, but you aren’t fooling me.”

You’re stunned into silence for a moment, fingers gripping the arm of the chair as he raises a brow at you.

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t bullshit me, I know you’re sneaking around with Eddie,” he snaps.

Your heart leaps into your throat, mouth drying as Dustin continues to glower at you. A sting of betrayal suddenly fills your chest, and you feel foolish for even thinking Eddie would actually keep this secret between you.

But maybe he was just like Scott, who loved to brag about his sexual conquests to all his friends.

“He wasn’t supposed to tell—”

“He didn’t.” Dustin cuts you off, taking off his hat to run a frustrated hand through his hair. “I’m just not blind.”

You both sit in silence for a moment then, feeling even more confused than you were when he initially sat down.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

Dustin sighs, folding his hands together before he meets your gaze again.

“Eddie doesn’t know I'm here right now and honestly, he’d probably kill me if he did know.” The male winces slightly, before he continues. “But I am through with sitting around and watching one of my best friend’s hearts get stomped on.”

“Dustin, that’s not—”

He holds up his hand to cut you off, shaking his head.

“Just let me finish.”

So you hold your tongue, despite wanting to tell this kid that he has it all wrong.

“Eddie’s a good guy, one of the best I've ever known. And over the past couple of months we’ve all seen a change in him, he’s happier.”

That thought warmed your heart.

“But I can also see how all this is weighing on him. You may not notice it, but it’s definitely there.”

A lump has formed in your throat, watching in silence as the younger boy stands and slings his backpack over his shoulder. He glances at you once more, that look of disdain still written across his features.

“Now I know I can’t tell you what to do, but Eddie doesn’t deserve to be someone’s secret.”

And without a glance back in your direction, you’re alone again.

Fourth period.

The moment you’ve been waiting for and simultaneously dreading since Sunday evening. It was the only class you shared with Scott, and while you’d been able to avoid him most of the day— it was time to face the music.

When you step into the classroom, he is already seated in his usual spot in the back corner of the room. The empty desk beside him is practically calling your name.

But your whole body freezes when his eyes meet yours expectantly. And as he begins to wave you over, you make a beeline to the opposite side of the classroom. You keep your eyes low as you find an empty seat, chewing nervously on your lower lip.

When you flip open your notebook, you hear the familiar squeak of sneakers in front of you. Your eyes slowly lift to reveal the hardened features of your boyfriend. His jaw is set in a grimace, and he rests his knuckles harshly on the front of your desk.

“Babe, we need to talk.”

But before you have the chance to reply, Mrs. Jones enters the classroom in a flurry. The bell rings immediately after, signaling the start of class. And it’s hard to tell whether the abrupt noise or his harsh glare causes you to flinch in your seat. She claps her hands to attention then, but Scott still doesn’t move.

“Mr. McGuire, take your seat now.”

He merely scoffs before he stalks away, returning to his own seat. Feeling defeated, you slump down in your chair. Any confidence you’d had this morning seemed to dissolve under his angry gaze. The rest of the class period goes by in a daze, as you can’t seem to focus on anything besides the daggers that Scott has been throwing your way the entire hour.

Once the final bell rings, you shoot up from your seat so fast you nearly take a couple other students in your rush. You practically sprint to your locker, hoping to make it to the lunchroom before Scott can corner you.

But you underestimated his speed, especially when he was sober.

His hand suddenly slams your locker door shut, and he backs you into the cool metal. He leans his palm against the line of lockers, closing you in completely. There was no way you could escape him now.

“What is going on with you? Why are you being such a frigid bitch?” he seethes.

You can’t help but wince at the insult, shrinking under his increasingly angry gaze. People were beginning to stare, causing more nerves to twist in your gut. This was a much more interesting sight than anything the cafeteria had to offer. And while you hated the attention, you knew you had to do this.

Just like ripping off a bandaid.

“I want to break up.”

He clearly wasn’t expecting that, confusion quickly replacing the anger on his features. You let out the sigh you didn’t realize you were holding, relief filling your chest as you finally spoke the words aloud.

Scott runs a hand through his dark locks, pulling away from you ever so slightly.

“You want to break up?” his voice raises, “Why? Is this about that stupid fucking party?”

You knew it wouldn’t be that easy, he wouldn’t just agree and walk away. While you had tried to prepare yourself for what you wanted to say all night, your brain was struggling to string any words together.

You rub your temples, trying to prolong the inevitable but the male could only take your silence for so long.

“Well?!” he shouts.

You take a shaky breath as you square your shoulders, attempting to feign some kind of confidence. Dustin’s words from earlier echoing in your ears. He doesn’t deserve to be someone’s secret. The sea of students had only begun to grow in the past few minutes but you don’t notice that Eddie was amongst them.

“I don’t love you, and quite frankly I don’t think I ever did.”

You could hear a pin drop.

“You're an arrogant, selfish prick. And honestly, I just can’t keep doing this anymore…” you pause, now meeting his stormy eyes.

“Especially when my heart belongs to someone else.”

If you thought Scott was angry before, you hadn’t seen anything yet.

His hand suddenly slams into the locker next to your head, causing you to shrink instantly. While he’s never been violent towards you before, you aren’t entirely surprised by it. It was just in his nature.

“So you cheated on me? Is that what you’re saying?”

Before you can get another word in, you hear the familiar clearing of a throat. And a ringed hand reaches out to harshly tug the male away from you.

“You just don’t learn do you, Scotty?”

Eddie is beyond fuming as he shoves Scott back into the lockers before the male can properly react. And while Scott wasn’t the smartest guy, he quickly seemed to put two and two together.

He looked between you and Eddie before he started laughing.

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Munson? You’re fucking the freak?”

You instantly turn on defense mode, entirely fed up with his treatment of him. Before you can stop yourself, you copy Eddie’s actions and shove Scott back into the lockers. Surprise crosses both of the males' features at your actions, knowing you were never a violent or angry person.

But everyone has their limits and you’ve just hit yours.

“Yeah, and he fucks me so well too. Eddie here actually knows how to make a girl come— but I can’t say the same for you, McGuire.”

An astounding ‘oooh’ resonates through the crowd at your words.

Scott’s cheeks are flushed from a mixture of embarrassment and anger. No one has ever stood up to him like this before and he’s suddenly at a loss for words. Eddie is grinning like a mad man, clapping excitedly before he wraps his arms around your waist. You welcome his embrace, leaning back further against his chest.

Scott just stares at the two of you, gritting his teeth as you smile sweetly.

“Now, I think we’re done here. Let’s go, Eddie.”

The metalhead willingly lets you drag him away, only your destination wasn’t the cafeteria anymore.

You pull him into the nearest empty hallway, shoving him up against the wall and locking your lips together. Eddie eagerly accepts your advances, fingers lacing through the loop of your jeans to keep you pressed against him.

Adrenaline is pumping through your veins, making every touch of his skin feel like a live wire.

“Munson!”

You curse softly as you realize you’ve been caught, and quickly glance over your shoulder.

Mr. Mundy looks between the two of you with a deep sigh, “Now come on, you know the rules. Break it up or you’re both getting detention.”

You unwillingly pull yourself away from him and lean against the brick wall beside him. A glance out of the corner of your eye shows how the male is biting back a grin.

“Try not to infect your girlfriend with your delinquency, alright?” Mr. Mundy gives you both a disgruntled look before heading back into his classroom.

Once the door shuts behind him, Eddie lets out a soft chuckle and coaxes you back into his arms.

“Y’hear that? Girlfriend,” he teases, wiggling his brows but the title makes your stomach flutter nonetheless. “Didn’t even ask me out on a proper date though, sweetheart. I’m offended.”

He laughs as you playfully pinch his side, shaking your head fondly. You lean your forehead against his chest, letting yourself indulge in the scent of his cologne.

“Did you really mean what you said back there?” he says after a while.

The sudden change of tone has you lifting your head, gazing up at him curiously. Eddie pulls you in even closer, letting his hands rest on the curve of your waist.

“That your heart belongs to me?” he prods.

You look down at your feet shyly, not realizing that he had heard that part of the conversation. Eddie doesn’t let your gaze wander for long though, as he gently tips your head back up to meet his.

“Yes, I meant it,” your voice shakes, your nerves getting the best of you.

But the look that flits over his features has your heart skipping a beat and butterflies erupting in your belly.

“All mine?” he questions, nervously licking his lips as he awaits your answer.

“All yours, Eddie.”

Being Eddie Munson’s official girlfriend is more than anything you could’ve dreamt about.

While sneaking around with him was fun in the moment, the amount he wanted to show you off made your heart sing. You had never felt so wanted or taken care of in your entire life.

But it wasn’t always easy, as graduation continued to grow closer the two of you barely had any alone time together. Between Hellfire, band practice and constant cramming for finals— time was not on your side.

But busy schedules be damned, you both manage to carve out enough time for a date at Benny’s.

“The usual, kids?”

Benny calls from the kitchen with a grin as you both take a seat in your normal booth. The diner had quickly become your favorite place for date nights, in your opinion they had the best food in town. Despite Eddie’s futile attempts to take you to Enzo’s, you prefer the easy going atmosphere of the small diner much more.

“Nah, just two chocolate milkshakes and an order of fries. We only got a few minutes before this one abandons me for prom shit with Wheeler,” Eddie teases.

You can’t help but pout, nudging his foot under the table.

“Says the one who abandoned me for movie night with Henderson yesterday.”

What you aren’t aware of though is how Dustin was actually helping Eddie pick out a tux and tie for prom. Laughing hysterically as the older boy panicked over what color tie would match perfectly with your dress.

Benny watches you both playfully bicker back and forth, shaking his head fondly. He brings out your order a few minutes later and unable to contain your excitement any further, you grab a fry and dip it directly into your milkshake.

Eddie’s lips freeze around the straw, gazing at you in absolute bewilderment when he pretends to gag.

“Sweetheart, that’s disgusting.”

You roll your eyes at his theatrics, taking a bite out of the fry before dipping it back in.

“You really shouldn’t knock it till you try it, Ed,” you say in a sing-song tone as your boyfriend urgently pulls the basket of fries away from you.

“Yeah— no way. I’m not doing that, you’re pretty sick in the head, baby,” he muses between bites of a plain fry. “Shit… and people call me a freak?”

You stifle a giggle as you lean forward, stealing the half eaten fry from between his fingers. You dunk it back into your milkshake and pop it in your mouth with a soft but exaggerated moan.

Eddie shifts slightly in his seat, his cheeks flushing a light shade of pink. It was almost too easy to get him so worked up. You ignore the warning look he shoots your way as you reach for another fry.

“Come on, just try it.”

You scoop as much of the shake onto the fry as possible, holding it towards him. The male just shakes his head, leaning back against the cracked leather of the booth.

“You know, I don’t know if this is gonna work out between us, doll face,” he chuckles, watching as the chocolate cream begins to drip down your fingers.

His petulance continues but you’re still trying to goad him into taking a bite, dangling it in front of his scrunched nose, inching closer and closer. All in an effort to tempt him. You watch patiently, waiting for the perfect opportunity to slip it between his pouty lips.

“This level of blasphemy might be crossing a line, even for me—”

Before he can finish his thought, there’s lukewarm milkshake and salt smeared across his cheek and the corner of his mouth.

Eddie sits in shock for a moment before you burst into a fit of giggles at his expression.

“Oh, you are asking for it now, baby,” he taunts.

You are unprepared as he dips two of his fingers into his own glass, reaching forward to smear the sticky chocolate across your cheek. You gasp when the male leans forward, mischief sparkling in his eyes. His tongue darts out, causing a loud squeal to escape you as he licks the milkshake from your cheek.

“Eddie, that’s gross,” you whine as you reach out to steady the glass before he dumps milkshake everywhere.

“Hm, you didn’t seem to find it that gross when it was buried inside your—”

You toss a fry at him before he can finish that sentence, hitting him square in the forehead. He looks shocked, ringed fingers dramatically grasping at his chest when he slumps in his seat.

“You wound me, sweet thing.”

It’s then that you take the time to really look at him, and a surge of utter fondness fills your chest. While he goes on a dramatic rant about how french fries could be considered a deadly weapon, you’re only half listening.

Instead admiring the way his dimple indents his cheek when he grins sheepishly at you, and his hands flail about when he speaks. And it really hits you just how lucky you are to have him, that he was all yours.

So when you lean forward to capture his lips and ultimately silence him— he’s a little surprised. But he cups your face between his palms and kisses you back with just as much fervor.

“What was that for?” he asks a little breathlessly when you pull away, and you just smile.

“Just… cause I can.”

His eyes soften and he reaches out to thread your fingers together. Eddie knows the significance of what that means, so he can’t help but lean in to press your lips together again.

“Fuck yeah, you can.”

You really wonder if the universe was playing one big joke on you.

After your mini date at the diner a few days prior, you’d barely seen Eddie the rest of the week. The guys had a big gig at the Hideout the following evening and have been using any spare moment they had to practice. While you understood the reasoning for it, the other part of you was becoming increasingly frustrated.

Eddie could definitely tell something was up, but he didn’t exactly have the time to ask you in the five minute intervals you had together between classes.

So in an effort to make up for his absence, Eddie asked you to tag along to practice that night. But you might have had some ulterior motives for agreeing. Since it had been well over a week since you had any proper alone time together, you were past the point of needy.

Despite still seeing each other, the rushed kisses and subtle touches weren’t enough for either of you.

This was the longest either of you had gone without sex, so you can only imagine he was feeling the same way. But if his longing glances told you anything, it was that he needed you just as much— if not more. So that’s why you showed up to practice in your shortest skirt you owned.

What the metalhead doesn’t know is that you aren’t wearing any panties under said skirt.

However, he’s going to find out soon enough.

You’d given him a quick peck on the cheek when you got there, nothing too much though. You really did want his friends to like you, and they seemed to hate the constant displays of affection you both exhibited on the daily. So you kept it subtle, mostly for that reason.

But a small part of you did it just to rile him more.

In the short time you’d been officially dating, it became quite apparent how much Eddie craved your touch, whether it was sexual or not. He’d subtly tap his fingers on your knee during group hang outs, or press his lips to your temple when he walked you to class. You found it utterly endearing, but you also knew you could use it to your advantage.

So you could immediately tell from the slight pout that your boyfriend wanted more than just a peck on the cheek.

Hook, line and sinker.

As practice continued on, you found yourself sitting on an unused amp, with no other chairs in sight. The group wasn’t exactly used to visitors during practice, so you had to make due. You didn’t mind it though, as it put you in Eddie’s direct line of sight.

About half an hour in they decided to take a small break, the other three males were chatting excitedly about their upcoming dnd campaign. Eddie was more focused on tuning his guitar, but his eyes continued to wander back over to you.

This was the perfect opportunity to let him in on your little secret, while the other members were too preoccupied to be paying attention to you.

You sigh heavily and lean your arms back, uncrossing your legs and letting them fall open. Giving him the perfect view of what you were hiding… or rather not hiding, underneath your skirt.

His eyes flick up to your face before they begin to travel lower, and it takes him a full minute before he notices. But once that recognition flashes across his features, his mouth hangs open in shock.

A playful smirk plays on your lips and you quickly cross your legs again, acting as though nothing had happened. Eddie’s jaw is clenched when he returns to tuning his guitar, feigning as though it had no effect on him. But you could tell from the growing bulge in his jeans, that it definitely did.

He was grateful he had the ability to hide his boner for the rest of practice, not wanting to explain himself to his bandmates. But you knew by his stiff posture, you were so in for it when this was over.

The thought had you squirming with excitement, and you tried your best not to make a mess all over your makeshift seat. Now that would be something you could never live down.

Thankfully Eddie decided to end practice earlier than normal, claiming they could all use a break after their busy week.

But only the two of you knew the real reason.

Eddie all but drags you out to his van once his gear is packed up, gently shoving you against the back door. He opens the other side to put his guitar back into the vehicle, and quickly slams it shut. You bite back a grin when he cages you in against the cool metal.

His jaw is still tense, eyes darkening when his hand begins to caress your bare thigh.

“That was quite the peep show, sweetness.”

You try to keep your breathing even, but his roaming hands are making that very difficult.

“I don’t know what you mean, baby,” you feign innocence, knowing it’ll only rile him up more.

While he loves when you’re his good girl, he also loves any excuse to treat you like his little slut. The brunette chuckles humorously, grabbing your chin in his free hand to keep your eyes aligned with his.

“Come on now, don’t play dumb with me,” he tuts.

You just continue to gaze up at him all doe-eyed, hands resting on his chest. You don’t answer him, which only makes him more frustrated than he was to begin with.

“I see how it’s gonna be... You wanna be a brat? I’ll treat you like one,” he hisses. “Now, get in the van.”

He pulls away, and you feel a sudden chill from the loss of his body heat. When you don’t move an inch his brow raises, cocking his head at you.

“Don’t make me repeat myself, sweetheart.”

As much as you would love to continue to push his buttons, you know you’re in enough trouble as it is. So you squeak out a quiet ‘yes, sir’ and round the side of the van to hop in the passenger seat.

Eddie is silent for most of the ride, but the tension in the air is palpable. While he says nothing, the glances he keeps tossing your way have you squirming in your seat. In an effort to stop your distracting movements he reaches a hand out, ringed fingers digging into the meat of your thigh.

And in your desperate state you can’t resist pushing him just a little more. So you rest your smaller hand atop his and guide his fingers in between your legs. Eddie suddenly slams on the brakes and your body flies forward when he pulls off on the side of the road.

He puts the van in park before turning to face you.

“In the back, on your knees. Now.”

You grin excitedly at his demanding tone, already anticipating what was to come. So you quickly unbuckle your seatbelt and scurry into the back of the van without another word. Eddie takes his sweet ole time before joining you, as part of your punishment. He knew your patience would only last so long.

He flicks through his cassette tapes and fiddles with the radio volume… anything to keep you waiting.

So when he does finally join you in the back, you’re practically trembling with need. His hands cradle the back of your neck, titling it to bare your throat to him. He presses harsh kisses along your skin, nipping every so often. You can’t help but whimper from the contact, your hands reaching out to grip the fabric of his shirt.

But he stops you, immediately pushing your hands aside.

“Only good girls get to touch me,” he grunts.

Your eyes widen when he pulls the skull bandana out of his back pocket, maneuvering himself around you. He pulls your hands behind your back and binds them together with the soft fabric. Once he was happy with the secureness of the knot, he’s back in front of you.

This was something new.

His fingers gently grip your chin, but he forces you to meet his gaze.

“What’s your color, baby?”

As your sexual relationship began to delve deeper, the more safe words and communication became his highest priority.

“Green… neon fucking green,” you hum.

The smirk quickly returns to his features, and his lips go back to sucking on your neck.

“Watch that pretty mouth of yours, doll or I’ll put it to use.”

You can feel the wetness starting to drip down your thighs, having absolutely no barrier due to your lack of undergarments. His hands have found their way to your breasts, kneading them in his large palms before he continues lower. Once he reaches the apex of your thighs he nearly growls, feeling your arousal coating your supple skin.

“Fuck— I need you, Eds.” you whine, already forgetting what he had just told you only moments prior.

Eddie promptly removes his hands from you, the sound of his belt clinking open has you shivering in anticipation.

“You really want to test my patience tonight, don’t you?”

You now realize your mistake.

But you can’t find it in yourself to regret it when he finally releases his cock from the confines of his jeans. You glance up at him expectantly, licking your lips at the sight of his pre-cum coating the tip. His fingers guide your mouth open and can feel your body practically buzzing with excitement.

“Since you can’t seem to listen, I’m going to use your mouth however I want. If it’s too much I need you to snap your fingers twice. Okay?”

You give him verbal confirmation and snap twice to demonstrate that you are still able to do so even with your hands bound. Satisfied with your response he grins and opens your mouth wider.

“Lemme see that tongue, baby,” he instructs.

You obey immediately and he rewards you by slapping the head of his cock against it. Once… twice… a third time… before he slips it past your lips with a groan.

Eddie’s hand fists your hair, pulling your mouth even further onto his cock. You take every inch willingly, eagerly swirling your tongue around the base of his shaft. His eyes squeeze shut, mouth slightly agape as you take him even deeper.

But you already miss his piercing gaze, now desperate for him to look at you. So you pull back until his cock slips past your lips.

His eyes shoot open and he raises a brow at you, “Did I say you could stop?”

The utter dominance in his tone and stature makes you even wetter, your thighs pressing together as he continues to stare you down with those dark eyes.

“Want you to look at me,” you plead, batting your lashes at him.

He just chuckles, keeping his gaze locked on yours when you eagerly take him back into your mouth. His fist tightens in your hair, another groan escapes him when he hits the back of your throat. A wicked grin tugs at his lips when he feels you gag around him.

“That’s right, gag on it,” he coos.

Your eyes remain locked with his as he continues to use your throat, mascara tears running freely down your cheeks with each thrust. His groans fill your ears, each one sending heat straight to your core. His lips pull up into that signature smirk as he admires the absolute mess he’s made of you.

But before he reaches that peak, he slips himself out of your mouth. It’s too soon for your liking, despite the throbbing ache between your legs. He notices the pout on your lips, now eyeing the string of saliva that keeps you connected.

“As much as I’d love to come in that bratty mouth of yours…” he pauses, wiping up some of the drool from your lips with his thumb. “I’d much rather see it dripping out of that pretty pussy instead.”

You can’t help but whimper in response, letting Eddie bend you over the center console of the vehicle. He flips your skirt up, landing a harsh smack to your ass as he nudges your legs apart with his own. You’re suddenly grateful for the console beneath you, knowing you wouldn’t have the strength to hold yourself up with your hands still bound.

Eddie grabs your bound wrists with one hand, the other slipping between your thighs.His calloused fingers run through your slick folds, and he moans at the wetness he finds there.

“God… always so wet. You’re such a little slut for me, huh? You like when I use you like this, baby?”

You merely nod, your thoughts far too jumbled from his touch that words are escaping you. But Eddie isn’t having any of it, and really you should know better.

Another harsh slap lands on your pussy this time, a shaky gasp leaving your lips.

“Come on sweetheart, tell me…”

Eddie slips two fingers into your entrance with no resistance, curling them up to hit that sweet spot inside of you. But his actions stop just as quickly as they start due to your continued silence. And when he begins to slip his fingers out, your walls contract around them in an effort to keep them nestled inside you.

“Cat got your tongue, baby?” he taunts.

You want to cry from frustration when he fully removes the digits, guiding your hips back towards him. Eddie just chuckles, before you hear him noisily suck your arousal from his fingers.

“Y-Yes, Eddie. Just please, fuck me,” you cry.

While you can’t see him, you know he’s grinning like a madman. Any further plans of begging disappear when you feel the tip of his cock rubbing through your folds. As much as he’d love to continue teasing you, his own impatience takes over and he slides into you with one hard thrust.

It doesn’t matter how many times he’s fucked you, you still feel so full. Stretched out beyond belief— it nearly takes your breath away.

Eddie doesn’t give you much warning before he’s snapping his hips back into yours. The sudden motion causes your head to lull forward and rest against the console. Your walls practically suck him in deeper, and he enjoys the pathetic little noises that leave you as he continues to slam into you.

“Fuck— you feel so good, sweetheart.”

Eddie uses your bound wrists to pound into you harder, hitting that spot inside you that makes your eyes roll into the back of your head. You can already feel your orgasm bubbling up inside you, that band getting tighter as he continues his ruthless pace.

“You gonna cum already? Such a little slut…” he nearly growls, “Go on, do it. Let’s see how many times you can make a mess on my cock.”

Between his words and the constant pounding into your g-spot is what tips you over the edge, feeling your knees wobble from the force of your orgasm. Eddie begins to slow his pace, letting you ride the waves a little before he slips one of his hands between you to gently rub at your clit.

Your soft whimpers only seem to spur him on further, keeping a steady pace. But he rams into you so deeply, you swear you can feel him in your throat. Despite how slightly overstimulating the feeling is… it’s too good to stop. And you’d do anything to show Eddie how good you can actually be.

“That’s it… feels good, baby?”

You let out a small but breathy ‘uh huh’, that being the only response you can muster at this point. One orgasm has turned your brain to mush, and all you can think or feel is Eddie Eddie Eddie.

Your response has him chuckling, as the male continues to rock his hips into yours. He loves getting you to this point, so drunk on his cock that you can’t form a coherent sentence. His fingers start to pick up their pace against your bundle of nerves, feeling how your walls clench even tighter around him.

While he wants to fill you up so badly, he also wants to see how far he could push you. It was only fair.

“Wanna show me you can listen, sweetheart? Give me another one. You can do it.”

You nearly sob as your second orgasm suddenly crashes over you. While not as forceful as the first, it’s powerful enough to make your legs give out beneath you. Letting all your weight rest against the center console. Eddie is quick to help guide your hips back up, and stops the movement of his own.

You can feel the tears slipping down your cheeks when he frees your wrists, finally slipping out of you. You whimper at the loss of contact, but it’s not gone for long. As Eddie helps guide you into a sitting position, before carefully laying you back onto a pile of blankets.

He brushes the tears away from your cheeks, and presses a gentle kiss to your lips.

“Can you give me one more? Doin’ so good for me, sweet thing.”

You practically preen at his praise, eagerly nodding when he situates himself between your legs again. He carefully lifts your trembling thighs, his touch much more gentle now. He caresses your supple skin before he slips back inside you with a deep seated groan.

You can feel how your hands begin to twitch at your sides, desperate to reach up and tangle your fingers in his curls. But his previous warning rings in your ears, only good girls can touch me. Eddie catches the subtle movement and reaches down to guide your hands up towards his head. And a loud grunt leaves him when he reaches your deepest point.

“You can touch me baby, you’ve earned it.”

He barely finishes his sentence before you’re threading your fingers through his wild curls and tugging him closer. Until your clothed chests are pressed together and you can feel the weight of his ribs against yours. Your mouths meet with a soft urgency and his tongue glides over your lower lip before slipping past them.

His pace has slowed tremendously, all in an effort to cherish the feeling of being inside you. Despite how rough can be at times, this was his favorite way to be with you. With your bodies entangled in every possible way.

While Eddie may put on a tough exterior, he’s a big softie underneath it all. And you’ve come to adore both sides of him.

He pulls away from your lips with a small gasp, greedily inhaling your mingling breath as his chestnut hues meet yours. Eddie looks beautiful like this, hovering above you all sweaty and flushed. It's truly a sight you wouldn’t grow tired of seeing. He doesn’t let lips stray too far though, leaning down to press hot kisses along your jaw towards your neck.

The brunette eagerly sucks onto the skin of your throat, tongue darting out to soothe the ache he leaves behind. One of your hands untangles itself from his tousled curls, slipping between your bodies to rub at your overly sensitive clit. Judging by how sloppy his thrusts were becoming, you knew he wasn’t going to last much longer.

Eddie buries his face into the crook of your neck, whining when you clench harder around him. The feeling of his cock twitching inside you has your head reeling, already so close to finishing for a third time that night.

“Fuck— I love you,” he pants, each slam of his hips becomes more frantic with his admission. “I love you, sweetheart.”

His confession is all it takes to push you both over the edge. Eddie’s hips stutter as he fills you, and your body arches further into his embrace with a cry of his name. It’s so intense that you can feel how his body trembles above you, and the stars begin to dance behind your lids. The weight of his words finally starts to sink in when he collapses on top of you, blinking away the tears that fill your lash line.

The mixture of your heavy breathing fills the silence and you gently stroke his curls while you both come down from your highs. Eddie must have felt your tears dripping down onto his cheek and his head lifts to regard you with concern.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” he asks.

You just shake your head, pressing another kiss to his awaiting mouth. But when you pull away a little too soon for his liking, he practically pouts. You just smile fondly, nervous fluttering in your belly at what you were about to confess. Despite hearing him utter those same three words only moments prior.

“I just… I really love you too, Eddie.”

The grin that stretches across his face has your heart thumping faster, your giggles soon fill the silence in the van as he presses tender kisses everywhere he can reach.

“Love you so much, sweetheart.”

The Hideout was packed, which seemed to be an unusual occurrence for a Saturday night in small town Hawkins. But the promise of multiple live bands quickly filled the seats that usually remained empty during the week.

Ever since you became official, you easily fit in amongst his large group of friends. Even Dustin, who was weary of you in the beginning, had quickly begun to warm up to you. But you had clicked with Robin the fastest and the two of you became very close in such a short amount of time.

Most of them had come out to support the band, besides the group of freshmen. As Eddie all but forbade from stepping foot in this establishment. His overprotective nature towards them was something you found to be incredibly endearing.

You were standing at the front of the crowd, snugly in between Robin and Steve. Mostly due to Eddie’s strict instructions to keep an eye on you. He could already anticipate just how rowdy this crowd might be from the moment you entered the dingy bar.

You anxiously shift in place, taking another swig from the flask that Robin had snuck in. You hadn’t seen Eddie for more than a few minutes since he dropped you off at home earlier that morning. And you were beyond impatient for the show to get started.

It was a little annoying how much you missed him when he wasn’t around, how uneasy it made you.

But the vodka was definitely starting to help soothe your nerves.

You continued to shift from foot to foot, partially from your growing impatience and partly due to the soreness between your thighs. The round in the van had only continued once you got back to Eddie’s trailer. He buried his tongue inside you while he showed you how much he loved you from between your thighs.

It’s as though the universe could tell you were getting antsy, as the lights on the small stage finally dim. You cheer loudly and the rest of your friends join in when the four males walk out onto the stage. They all take their respective positions, and Eddie slings his guitar strap over his shoulder and adjusts the mic stand.

“Good evening Hawkins, we’re Corroded Coffin. Thanks for coming out!”

A round of boos suddenly erupt from amongst the cheers, and your head instantly whips around to find the source. You see Jason and Scott’s whole crew leaning up against the back wall of the bar, a prominent smirk on your ex’s face. Your hands balled into fists and you quickly flip them all the bird before turning your focus back towards the stage.

Scott’s incessant torment had cooled off for a bit, but that entire week it was seeming to ramp right back up. While you knew your boyfriend could take care of himself, it still didn’t stop the fury from bubbling up inside you over it. Especially knowing it had only gotten worse because of you.

You find Eddie’s gaze again and he shoots a wink your way, not even fazed by their presence. They started off their set with a cover of Bang Your Head by Quiet Riot, already getting the crowd ramped up. Eddie was totally in his element, carefree as his fingers danced along the neck of his guitar. While they played mostly covers, they were able to sneak in a few original songs.

The crowd was overly enthusiastic, which was a nice change of pace from the five sullen drunks they usually had in attendance at their normal Tuesday time slot. While Eddie was riding that high, his eyes always seemed to find their way back to you.

“Thank you guys for being such an awesome crowd, this is our last song.”

In the time that you’ve been together, you’ve come to recognize almost all of their songs. Eddie was always bouncing lyric ideas off of you, or playing them for you any chance that he could. But hearing the first few chords ring out into the bar, you knew this one was clearly new.

And if shit eating grin he was sporting was any indication, he’d been preparing for this moment. Eddie’s eyes drift from yours to the back of the dimly lit bar as he begins singing. The opening lyrics make your eyes widen in shock.

“Scotty doesn’t know that Fiona and me do it in my van every Sunday. She tells him she’s in church, but she doesn’t go. Still she’s on her knees and Scotty doesn’t know.”

Your heart begins to race and that cocky grin never leaves his face. Your eyes follow his line of sight and you turn around, watching in amusement when you notice how Scott’s fists are clenched at his sides. This is by far the angriest you’ve ever seen him, and you can almost see the metaphorical steam coming out of his ears.

“Fiona says she’s out shopping, but she’s under me and I’m not stopping…”

A smug look graces your features when Scott meets your gaze, giving him a little wave before turning back to focus on your boyfriend. Eddie’s husky voice is full of confidence as he continues onto the next verse. That sound alone could bring you to your knees.

“I can't believe he's so trusting, while I'm right behind you thrusting. Fiona's got him on the phone, and she's trying not to moan. It's a three-way call and he knows nothing, nothing…”

Your mind instantly drifts back to that fateful phone call, that night being a major turning point in your feelings towards the metalhead. Your whole body flushes at the vulgarity of the lyrics, but in an odd way you find it kind of sweet.

Once he has your attention again, Eddie blows you a subtle kiss.

“The parkin' lot, why not? It's so cool when you're on top. His front lawn in the snow, life is so hard 'cause Scotty doesn't know! Scotty doesn't know!”

You watch in fascination as his fingers work diligently over the guitar strings, banging his head along with Jeff. The song aside, you really were enjoying yourself. Eddie lets his guitar fall to his hip, gripping the mic with both hands.

“I did her on his birthday…”

Your curiosity has gotten the better of you again, and you glance back to where Scott had previously been standing. The spot was now empty, much to your surprise. Scott was never one to back down without getting the last word. So you let your eyes wander around the bar, but Scott and his posse were nowhere in sight.

When the song starts to come to a close, Eddie and the rest of the guys have gathered at the front of the stage. Huddled together as they chanted a chorus of, ‘Scotty doesn’t know’, the crowd joining in unison. When you glance over at Robin, her grin practically matches that of your boyfriend’s.

While you had never explicitly told anyone (besides Robin) the details of how everything played out between you two, your ex definitely had his suspicions.

But now, one thing was for sure…

Scotty definitely knew.

sdk taglist: @xxbimbobunnyxx @munsonhoneybaby @mugloversonly @lemme-slytherin-that-dick @transparentenemypenguin @calumfmu @vamp-bunny @eddiesxangel @nailbatanddungeon @deathst9r @comeonatmebruh @mrsjellymunson @eddiesghxst @eddiesguitarskills @callsignraver @eldermayfield @potatobeans99 @loserboysandlithium @em0220

[snapscube]

hihihi ok. so i’m in my last of us fixation mode and i’m being extra silly about it but i NEED to know what’s ur current opinion on the last of us hbo?? also i logged onto tumblr and saw a lot of rly good points defending joel’s final choice and i remember during the last of us pt1 playthrough u had differing opinions so i wonder if u think the show’s differences affect that at all? btw i LOVE ur stuff and cannot wait until u do last of us pt 2 wehehehehe!!! anyway besides all that i just want u to know that u are one of the things in my life that makes it easier to get up in the morning

I still feel exactly the same about the final events as I always have! The show didn't change it for me, and actually being able to remove myself from being in control of the situation in the game and actually just watch the events play out in show format solidified that further. The connection I have to Joel as a player when I play the game really helps me understand his perspective more and stomach the goal a bit more easily, but without that immediate intimacy it puts into perspective for me how kinda monstrous the whole thing is from every angle. Obviously I don't ever lose that sympathy for him, and I never stop understanding why, because the whole point of the conflict is that no one is in the right. Ultimately I think the damning thing for every single person involved is that they removed Ellie's agency from the equation, and I still stand by that. They all should have talked to her. They should have told her the truth. All she wants is for her immunity to matter, and I believe that they may have been surprised at the lengths she's willing to go in order to make a difference, whether it's ultimately the right call or not.

I don't know what arguments you've seen exactly in defense of Joel's choice, but personally I don't really agree with one I see a lot and I'd expect will pop up again now that the show is over, which is the whole "well who's to say a vaccine would have worked anyway?????" angle. I think, while reasonable from a meta standpoint, completely ignores the intended framing of the story in order to more conveniently justify a protagonist that the story through its entire runtime is trying to tell you is a little bit of a piece of shit. It's pretty clear and safe to assume that the ultimate intent here is that... yes, the vaccine WOULD have worked. Maybe not in the sweeping way they hoped, but Ellie's sacrifice absolutely would have done something. The whole moral dilemma of the situation really does not make any sense unless you give them that as fact imo.

So then, assuming that is true, you have to wrestle with the idea that Joel is willing to take down the entirety of humanity for Ellie. And not really for Ellie, because none of this is what Ellie wanted. The game AND the show QUITE LITERALLY SPELL OUT for us that Ellie really really really does not want to go back to Jackson without finishing what they started, regardless of the cost. Joel's reasons for saving Ellie, while understandable, are ultimately selfish and rooted in his own trauma and having just seen the light at the end of his grieving over Sarah. Again, incredibly sympathetic, but it's selfish. I know we like to joke as much, but Ellie IS NOT his daughter. They share a similar bond after everything they go through, but by the end of the game you can already feel Ellie pulling away from that notion because she's starting to realize Joel doesn't have the same commitment to the idea of her immunity being meaningful as she does, they're only a few miles away and he's already asking her to give up and go back to Jackson with him.

Then, of course, I think what ultimately damns Joel in my eyes on a poetic/storytelling level is his decision to lie to Ellie after it's all over. That's the nail in the coffin for me. It would be one thing if he said "they were going to kill you on that operating table without even telling you what was going on and I couldn't let them do that", but instead he lies to her to make sure she's still able to see him as the father he desperately wants to be again. It doesn't change anything. He tells her her worst fear has come to pass: her immunity, this unexplainable thing that has taken so many of her loved ones from her, is completely useless. Not only that, but now even more people are dead. Including Marlene, who's known her since birth. The only thing his lie changes is the fact that he's responsible for it all.

Anyway, part of what I love most about The Last of Us Part II is how it follows up on these threads and you may be pleased to know that I actually just started streaming the game last night after the HBO finale premiered cause I was so pumped up I couldn't wait any longer haha. So you'll be seeing VODs for that soon :)

[bartholomew-junior]

23 25 26... hmm. maybe sips ANd erina And gothi (unless you dont feel like that feel free to just choose one of them cause. 6 entire different answers to think) <3<3

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE thank u circular 4 ur boon of kindness. it is appreciated. apologies for the wait, as i had to let the ideas for this ripen be4 properly answering. i’m gonna start the first ask off with gothi from ep.10.

first of all, i just love her mask and am permanently sad that she never gets to wear it again. bonus for foreshadowing face reveal a few episodes down the line and making her an incredibly ominous cryptid like presence kind of. i just think she’s neat. next is erina in ep.32:

honestly i was really tempted to use a frame from when she was xanu possessed cuz it looked real fuckin cool, but i think this one’s more meaningful. she’s sympathizing with sips for once instead of trying to one up him (at least after a bit) and realizing how tough shit must’ve been for him. agh they make me insane. next is sips from ep.15:

from right after he ate bou claire’s heart. the buildup narration to him looking into the mirror is, ,, agghhh. the fact this was used to promo merch is funny also.

now for q. 25: technically, my first impression of gothi was her getting sips to do karaoke while drunk (lol) and that being the catalyst for EVERYTHING (this campaign is the equivalent of a snowball rolling down a hill). but now, it was her kind of managing and trying to quell sips’ anger best she could along with erina.

erina was just a memelord to me lol. sips wasn’t in the best condition the first few episodes, so my first impression was just that he was a bottomless pit of rage. now looking at the early episodes feels like looking at alpha minecraft in comparison to 1.21, especially without xanu or abby. sneeze was just a little guy.

ok freebie question time. i’m gonna pick q. 22 even tho there hasn’t been a new fic at all on ao3 since i updated my own fic (which makes sense considering we’ve kinda already met the goal of the series even if there’s a lot of stuff on the horizon). and i’ll pick all 3 of them + xanu for this cuz. why not

sips: a lot of the fics on ao3 4 this fandom are oneshots, so there isn’t much they’re able to explore if they’re low word counts, but my dream sips-centric fic would be like. a collection of missed/deleted scenes from his early life and time in ammurin with a kind of dream/void/death motif. bonus points if he’s trans

erina: i haven’t seen ANYTHING about her early life in kylandria being the child of busy royal entertainers, hell even her weapons are like a carnival trick, so i’d really like to see a bit of early life stuff again. are you sensing a trend. also her just dealing with royalty is fun and i have many ideas

gothi: early life again. listen she was a whole ass princess who was allowed to exist only because of her rank she was under so much pressure all of the time, especially with being buddies with xanu. did she ever talk to another defective foreclaimer. who are her parents. did they love her. ugh. also, seeing her interact with vicky is something i haven’t really seen before, so that’d be fun.

xanu: listen. i feel like he’d be the hermit on the high mountain type never interacting with anyone like thanos after killing half the universe. also, i feel like a lot of aspects of his character get discarded in favor of making him easier to digest and write, which i’ve done, and this does not do him any service. i think making all the fools gold cast kind of,, mlp headcanon designified is also fun and i want to do it. also bonus vicky

in conclusion: thank u circular <3333333 :]] :), i hope this isn’t miserably long. i’ve been all worded out for the day. do u ever think abt how vicky and sips are parallels and

[willow-lark]

one thing about me is that i will always and forever be a stoncy girly. i occasionally rb posts about them but i'm mainyl involved in the byler fandom atm so i don't talk ab them as much as i want to. anyways

stoncy is really interesting to think about particularly considering where things are in canon for the three of them right now. so, firstly, my thoughts on that:

i am 100% rooting for jancy endgame in-show. i'm not a fan of love triangles (hence why i started shipping stoncy in the first place, they all have chemistry n i think they should all kiss each other at the exact same time) but up until s4 there was no reason to think that jancy wouldn't be endgame, and honestly i'm upset that the writers brought stancy back in, considering that steve's s3 arc was all about him learning he doesn't need romantic love to fulfill his life, and what he and nancy each want in life simply are not compatible. jancy r iconic. jancy r goals. jancy had a whole speech in s4 talking about all the things they love about the other. although they've hit a slight rough patch due to jonathan's conflicting desires in supporting her goals while also being there for his family which has historically needed a lot of his support, they just need to get on the same page about this. they WILL prevail i KNOW this i TRUST

okay, lark, you say. if ur so obsessed with jancy endgame then why stoncy at all? AND I WILL TELL YOU WHY.

it all comes down to stonathan. also shoutout to @messrsbyler for championing the stonathan agenda lately. we should all attempt to live up to your example. SO TRUE.

so. post-s1 era in-show. or, honestly, u can rework this and make it fit at any point in the timeline. but anyways: nancy's with steve, they r trying and somewhat struggling to make it work (though they did last an entire YEAR so kudos for that ig). nancy VERY obviously has feelings for jonathan, who hangs out with her sometimes but is generally avoiding both of them. and honestly? steve thinks jonathan's pretty cool too. and, like, he spent a while treating jonathan like shit so he should probably try and make it up to him. right??? AND THEN THEY KISS.

no, but actually: steve's the type not to even realize that he's actually in love with jonathan. he's like, well, nancy loves him, and i love nancy, so... (that's the transitive property, right? i don't remember anything from 5th grade math class.) he doesn't even realize it's gay of him to feel that way. (NOTE: stoncy r bi4bi4bi and you WILL NOT be changing my mind.) if u extend the timeline to post-s3, robin might be able to help him w this LOL, i've read a really good fic or two where that's the case

on the other side, i feel like jonathan would have an easier time accepting his feeling, especially now that steve is making an effort to make friends with him. not to digress about the byers brothers but i'm gonna. when it comes to accepting his bisexuality jonathan doesn't have nearly as much internalized homophobia to deal with as will does regarding being gay. will has really internalized all of the things lonnie/the bullies have said about him, whereas jonathan is openly defiant of them. but in true byers fashion, he's not gonna make a move about it.

honestly i'm inclined to say that nancy, the girlboss that she is, (perhaps along with robin, again, if the timeline goes later) is the one to witness stonathan making goo-goo eyes at each other and she's like. you know what. this Might Actually solve 90% of my problems. so SHE'S the one who prompts them into it. but to be completely honest all three of them are so completely dramatic about everything so i could even see it all coming down to robin and maybe argyle to force them to get their shit together 😆

this is honestly just one way that it could go down, i've read a lot of different iterations and i love them all.

[spaceagebachelormann]

Hii am I able to request Dean Portman x M!Reader who is also goth and Bombay’s son? Like how would Bombay and the rest of the team react when they find out Dean and him are dating?

dean with a goth bf who’s bombays son !

✧ warnings: maybe some homophobia (it takes place in the 90s after all), and mentions of people being judgemental towards readers style. also there’s like one sexual joke

✧ additional info: been wanting to write this for awhile now ngl <3, and also reader is on the team because it makes my life easier

✧ nav. — m.list.

i’m gonna be honest

he probably thought you were weird at first cause of the way you would dress

he didn’t say anything abt it though because you were bombays son and he didn’t wanna get kicked off the team so he js kept quiet

but i feel like he eventually starts to think ur cool because he’d talk to u through fulton cause fulton seems like that one mf who’s friends with literally everyone

he finds out ur music taste is the bomb (GOTH MUSIC EATS IDC) and slowly builds a friendship over that

he seems like he would be able to easily recognize his feelings for u

but he has internalized homophobia and hid it because his thought was “he’s hot but in a friend way” (it’s not in a friend way)

i hc that him and julie are close friends so when it starts to frustrate him he goes to her

they talk it out and she helps him realize that he def likes u

“everytime i see him i just wanna grab him and kiss him but like in a friend way” “dean would you flirt with your guy friends” “no?? tf?? oh.” “yeah”

probably takes a week to accept it before realizing this way he can pull both guys and girls

he starts making like subtle moves at u since he knows everyone will just think y’all are joking abt something

he’d probably get annoyed if u don’t catch on 😭

after a week of accepting he likes guys he decides to ask u out cause like what’s he got to lose

it was probably SO random too

y’all are sitting on his bed when suddenly he moves closer and just says “ur hot ngl”

and then he confesses slightly normally and y’all start ur relationship!

now because it’s the 90s and it’s a mlm relationship he becomes so much more protective than if he had a gf

someone looks at you guys weird in public? he’s looking even weirder back. someone calls you guys a certain f slur under their breath? he walks up to them and calls it them to their face

at this point he thinks ur style is so cool and interesting and js wants to show u off a lot

will walk behind u to check u out mainly and so u can have the spotlight

and he will fight anyone who makes fun of you

he’d always have an arm around ur waist or shoulders or on ur thigh for funsies

also probably calls u the names of goth artists cause he thinks it’s funny

u bring him something? “thanks robert smith”

u give him a lil kiss after practice? “why don’t u give me another marilyn manson?”

ALSO IM SORRY IF THEY ARENT GOTH ARTISTS IM VERY NEW TO GOTH MUSIC PLS CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG

as for bombays reaction

dean probably fucking told him by accident during practice 😭

“dean nobody likes when ur get agressive like that—” “OH YEAH? UR SON SURE FUCKIN DOES”

and then everyone js kinda stares at him

and bombay turns to u and then looks at him again before js telling everyone to keep practicing

he pulls y’all aside to talk to u

he’s supportive ofc <3 but he also reminds u to be careful because people aren’t very accepting

but he also knows there isn’t much to worry about cause when ur dating dean ur also probably bsfs with fulton and those two will die before letting anything happen to u

i cant think of anything else rn but i might come back and add to this!

[spoops-inliyue]

grrr its 4am too warm and im feelin petty SO im rollin in w a request for a hc😤😤😤

what abt zhongli, raiden, and/or childe act w an enby s/o who has kinda-not-rlly-chronic-illness and they constantly make jokes abt it and tries placing bets w ppl abt what will cause em pain that day if ur fine w it

mwa dont follow my example sleep and hydrate

| S/O who constantly makes jokes about their chronic pain condition

Character(s): Zhongli and Raiden/Ei

TW: Chronic pain, chronic condition (generally unspecified), mediation mention, betting, Xiao spoilers (? - Minor, if it isn't already common knowledge, idk)

Notes: Non-binary reader || We're not gonna talk about the fact that I went to sleep at 7 in the morning the day that you sent in this request m'kay 😌 But make sure to take care of yourself and hydrate too!!

Zhongli

He tries his best to joke along with you but he's struggling

He's already aware of chronic conditions because he makes quite the effort to learn as much as he can about humans in general and various area of study such as medicine and is more than aware of things like Xiao's karmic debt in regards to which he already finds himself very concerned about so it's very alarming to have you joking about it all of the time

He ends up developing a habit of noting what hurts and when and how often for you and will otherwise learn how to respond quickly if your pains are sudden and irregular

He's not actually too fond of the idea of you joking about your pain but, if it makes it easier to deal with, he'll leave it be but he does make an effort to try and lessen the pains with the help of anyone he can find

"I bet it'll be my joints that screw me over today. I bet 500 mora on it. Hey, Hu Tao, what do you think?" Yeah he's definitely not too on board with the fact that you manage to rope Hu Tao - and very easily for that matter - into betting mora on it but what can he do against the two of you when you're... The two of you?

He never stops you from betting on it - not that he could - but he puts all of his skills to use in ensuring your comfort. If you don't want him coddling you, then he's doing it discreetly but Baizhu will wring Zhongli dry of all of his mora and Zhongli will be more than willing. You will likely never know this

Unlike his mora, he'll never forget things like medication when he's out with you

Raiden

She has not been out in the world for a WHILE so hearing you joking about your pain throws her off no matter how many times she's heard it

She has her plane of Euthymia to remove her from feeling things like pain - physical, emotional, the pain of loss - so she's more alarmed than Zhongli at your constant jokes

Not to mention that she's emotionally inadept and most definitely is not accustomed to the idea of people using jokes to mask their pain

She can't really comprehend the idea of pain having no cause, or none that's visible at least so she's at a genuine loss of what to do and constantly asking Miko for advice which consists of both really good advice considering her being an immortal familiar but also just "Perhaps you should lock them in their room so you can monitor their condition."

Ei doesn't but she does consider it for a split second

She's almost painfully aware of your mortality so, while an immortal would be able to get used to it and just live with it without much issue, you're life was much too different and she's definitely rubbed the wrong way by the fact that you're having to spend your life with the pay and have it getting in the way of basic activities

She gets a lot more defensive over you in general and does tend to be rather straight forward with how she'll treat you and your condition but she doesn't stop the betting. She doesn't even realise that you probably shouldn't do that until Miko keeps denying your encouragement to place bets with you

Do not repost or claim. Only reblog 💛

[lesbianrobin]

what do you think of gay steve? i don't dislike the headcanon in theory, but i feel like it's usually done as a way to make steve & nancy's relationship/breakup less important (and often to make it easier to ship r0nance)

i gotta be honest i dont think i've actually ever read any fic where steve is explicitly stated to be gay and not bisexual, besides maybe my own fic nancy drew and the mystery of the magnetic closet, so idk if i'll rly have whatever answer ur looking for re: other people's intent. in magnetic closet i wrote steve as being a bit uncertain as to his identity, leaning gay, but he also explicitly tells nancy that he loves her and their relationship is still significant to him, so like. like MY motivation wasn't downplaying their relationship so at the very least that isn't Everyone's motivation.

anyway like separately from how people Use It in fic i'm into gay steve! i tend to default to bi steve for like fic and headcanons etc bc it's sorta become the fandom standard and a lot of my bi friends like bi steve and i love my bi friends 💖 but if i'm being honest i do think that you can easily interpret a lot of steve's canon behavior in favor of him being gay if you want to do so, and i think i tend to lean that way when i'm writing him even when i don't mean to. just to like preface all of this i'm gay myself and i am terrible about projecting onto steve so yknow take all of the following with a grain of salt.

so like personally i think he never rly had romantic feelings for robin and he only confessed to liking her because he thought his love for robin Had to be attraction since she's a girl yknow? and in s4 it's implied that he's had a string of casual relationships based entirely on sex and he hasn't been able to connect with any of the girls at all which is a bit 🧐🤨. the way steve flirts indiscriminately and talks about wanting a family in the future makes me think like... i think that his search for love is more about wanting a family/wanting love than specifically wanting to be with a woman. like i think in his mind bc of Eighties Heteronormativity the two things are equated, so when he Thinks that he wants to find the female love of his life he Actually just wants a family. and i fear i'm making it sound like steve is a misogynist who just wants a wife to give him kids which is not my intent. like i think steve has a lot of respect for nancy and loves her deeply regardless of whether that love is romantic in nature or not. the fact that he said he was over nancy in s3 while confessing feelings to robin, dated around a bunch, and then suddenly had feelings for her again in s4 comes off less to me like "steve never got over nancy" and more like "steve is unable to find the kind of love he wants with a woman no matter what he tries and he's returning to nancy because he thinks that he just messed up their relationship with his flaws and if they tried again he could be better and everything would be perfect." like nancy was the closest steve ever came to actually being in love with a girl and as time passes he realizes that he doesn't think he could feel that way with another woman. but the thing is that stancy was just not a great couple yknow but they had these external pressures on their relationship that allow them to look back on it and think well maybe NOW we'll be more compatible and we can be happy. like it's this subconscious belief that being in the right relationship could make Everything in his life right.

idk i think at this point i'm just rambling and i fear i'm making no sense but like i think gay steve is really interesting to think about Because his relationship with nancy was so important to him. like it's genuinely really compelling to explore their relationship through the lens of compulsory heterosexuality and consider like the sort of friendship they might have in the wake of steve realizing that he's gay. i also think it's interesting to think about in the context of his friendship with robin and like how radically different their journeys are while simultaneously being kinda the same.

ultimately though since he's like presumed straight in canon i don't think it rly matters whether people hc steve as gay or bi? like it's kinda just whatever you want.

[toruro]

Talk about your moots; what do you like most about them (could be a paragraph or a single sentence, spread the love!!)

omg yes i love love … only doing this for the last few i interacted w though .. irly wish i could do more but i got so tired while writing these and it has been a long day :[

@rubyreduji guys do i even have 2 tell u how much i love jj?! U ALL KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM like i don't even know how it happened one day i'm interacting w him 4 the first time 2 bug him abt a jihoon fic i had planned and then BOOM we r evil twinning in the dms and then BOOM AGAIN he's listening to the 70+ vms i send him every day i love him so much >_< WE JUST GET ALONG RLY WELL and it's so much fun ... also jj just writes so much and he write so well ?! his ideas are rly unique too and whenever he mentions another story i'm like :o wow bc he is so WOW and i love his brain and i love how he is true to his woozidan identity (woozi having a separate masterlist altogether LOL) ... jj is just the love of my life if u guys couldn't tell i'm actually insanely territorial over him so actually he doesn't exist 2 u guys UR NOT ALLOWED TO PERCEIVE HIM IF UR NOT ME

@gyuswhore i love em sm okay first of all what drew me 2 her was her phenomenal writing?! guys i revisit her gyu fic more often than she knows HELPDKJ but ya and the stuff sh has in store 4 u all ... just u wait OKAY AND I JUST. I LOVE TALKING ABT WRITING WITH EM she genuinely helps me so much and i love the honest feeback she gives and she has encouraged me through 2 of my longest fics so far which means the absolute world to me >_< also i love her daily little updates and how she tells me all this stuff IT'S ENTERTAINING and also i love that we are able 2 have convos like that ... and she's also literally the prettiest ever. i kid u not mingyu would PICK HER. we also just understand each other's situations very well and feel the same way abt a lot of stuff which makes talking abt certain things easier ^^ ya i love em my desi sister P.S. SHE FEEDS MY DELUSIONAL MINGHAO REQUESTS (the way her only works for hao are reqs from me ... gfhdfksjd)

@cheolhub SAR SAR the sweetest ever like :[ sar was my first mutual when i started on tumblr and she scared me at first bc ... she was so a cool to me atthe time AND SHE STILL IS SO COOL. LIKE SAR IS SO COOL 2 ME but now i see that she is also so loving and caring and c: she will always hold a special place in my heart bc she was the first 2 dm me (I REMEMBER. BC WE INTERACTED ABT GETTING TIX TO TWICE AND WE TALKED ABT OUTFIT PLANNING ... funny bc the way we didn't figure out any outfits until literally june LOL) anyways ya also if u have read sar's works u probably know she is also insane and :c she is so amazing 4 helping me out too uifgjks i love sar sm

@etherealyoungk skye is so sweet :c also one of my first mutuals and i appreciate her so much 4 always checking in w me and just interacting w me consistently hehe ... she reminds me my hoshi pc as well whenever i look at it i'm like oh ^^ this is skye right here :3

@hwanghyunjinenthusiast only rly started interacting w rj recently but she's so funny like her reactions pics and feedback under fics genuinely has made me giggle and i love that ... and rj is just! rly fun 2 talk 2 as well and i can't wait 2 get to know her better hehe

@leejihoonownsmyheart the sweetest ever and omg her writing is so good ... brie don't downplay urself EVER bc it's so good and ^^ ur such a fun and positive person i will love u even if u don't like me bc i'm a capricorn hehjefjk

@lovelyhan guys stop i never shut up abt kai's writing but they are just so good at everything they do like! insane i'm insane and kai is just so cool to me kjfdskj ALSO. LOVE KAI SO MUCH BC THEY ALWAYS SEND ME TWTS ABT HAO AND it kind of drives me crazy but also it feeds me breakfast lunch & dinner so am i really complaining? basically kai knows me 2 well and it drives me insane in the best way possible

@ressonancee only became mutuals rly recently but thea is so fun and kind and auuugh don't even get me started on how amazing of a writer she is bc her jihoon and gyu fics literally took me to heaven and back like! augh! they make me feel so much and i'm so exited 2 continue to get to know her and more ^^

@userelv elv is so fun like we don't interact a lot but whenever we do it just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and anyways i'm gonna be collecting insane dk pics and save them up so i can send them to u one day w out warning c:

@wheeboo so funny and so sweet and also i feel get along rly well! i love the way she writes and we have a lot of common interests and i love talking abt kdrams w her hehe LIKE?!?! ME AND RANIA JUST HAVE VERY CHILL AND NATURAL CONVOS which i absolutely love and she is a person who is very calming 2 me ^^

[faithlesbian]

how do we feel about t4t bangel ?

oh my god that's spooky i was literally just thinking about what it would look like for them both to talk about their bisexuality after that s3 dyke (proverbial) post!! let these two discuss their queer experiences night apparently

i'm assuming u mean trans girl buffy right? love that reading. i've gotta say, similar to the t4t spangel ask (im assuming ur the same anon), i'm not a "shipper" in the traditional sense and specifically in this instance part of my love for their dynamic is Really feeling glad they don't end up together. my opinions on them in general probably deserve their own post, so i'll just summarise and say my favourite iteration of their relationship is friendly exes who can go to eachother for help, specifically stuff like angel showing up after joyce's funeral and the offscreen reunion after her resurrection in s6. like. these people care about eachother!!! and they want to make life easier for eachother!! specifically i love it when buffy can lean on angel for support if she needs to despite their lives being fairly seperate, bc good god does she need that.

so assuming obviously that buffy would be living as a girl from the get go in this version, you could build a starting over as herself element into her moving to a new town and new school in the pilot. you could play with the supernatural-as-queerness subtext from the show and have the understanding of her slayer identity between her and angel that she doesn't feel from her normal friends extend to her being out to him before she's out to the scoobies, which could then extend further into the s2 angelus arc with the threat of him outing her, and potentially that being how the scoobies find out if you really want narrative cohesion with canon (or if you want to be nice to buffy then. literally anything else happening)

going with my established Trans Angel Reading, he'd only figure things out himself long after their relationship is over, and i think that could honestly be such a fucking Moment for them both, for him to confide this in her now after they've reached an understanding as she did in him right back at the start before everything went wrong. bittersweet but also kind of promising, like if it's possible to learn something new about yourself after 250 years then there's definitely still ways for their relationship to grow even if they cant be together. i feel like just as angel was able to help buffy navigate the world of the supernatural initially, she could help him navigate gender in the 21st century, and i think getting that understanding from her would be really important to him in a totally different way to getting it from the ats gang.

i think for buffy it could be a kind of closure for, once again, just how badly their relationship went to know that despite everything she was understood by the first person she loved, more than she even knew at the time. however, a beloved Buffy Trait of mine is how badly she reacts to people she sees as threatening to replace her in any way (see homecoming and kendra and faith's respective first episodes) so alternately you could get the much funnier response of hello?? that was my thing first?? how dare you?? which synchronises really well with the previous ask and the possibility for coming out to put an end to angel and spike's rivalry - it starts a whole new one with buffy!

[horrorsequel]

My dad got an email today from an ice cream place that we visited yesterday where we did not even have the option to give them our email and I had to like talk to my parents abt how their data gets collected and sold and stuff and my mom was like “no wait how would they even do that” and I had to outline like 4 possible situations for her and she was like “you need to turn that off” to my dad. And like yeah sometimes you can opt out but sometimes it’s just in the eula or tos and just using the fucking thing at all is how they get u and my mom was like “no, you can always turn it off” okay pretend we don’t live in hell. Keep your eyes shut.

My oarents are so funny tho like my dad keeps getting pissed off abt strikes but my mom is pro-strike and like they’re both conservative/republican blah blah but like very often u can tell my mom grew up dirt poor and my dad was middle class his whole life like it’s crazy. Like my mom is still pretty capitalism-poisoned but she’s a lot more sympathetic . And like my dad is in disability but he only like realizes how shitty the gvmnt is abt assistance when it’s happening to him. SOMETIMES when it’s happening to me but not a lot. And like my mom is still weirdly unsympathetic to MY situation and like “you should be glad you’re getting money at all!” And like ofc she sees it that way cos if I didn’t, she would be paying for all my shit.

My parents are crazy miserly and they’re like WELL ITS FOR UR FUTURE and I’m like. You can’t spare any of it NOW to make sure I GET TO SEE THAT FUTURE? like I’m a very I’ll person and my mom is planning on living well into her 90s and she can’t fathom me dying before her but I really really can and it’s like what r u gonna do if I don’t even get that money u made us all miserable over by keeping so much of it in a locked room. Like I’m so. God okay I know if my parents die I will need that money really bad but also like god fucking damnit my mom is always talking abt how she makes a lot of money but we still live like we r poor and like I personally am poor but like my parents won’t even pay to have all the broken shit in my room fixed (windows/ceiling fan) and shit like that man idk sorry this all sounds petty and stupid when I say it out but it’s facing me up all the time. Like they wouldn’t help me get a wheelchair when I couldn’t walk and we didn’t know if I ever would be able to again and I can sometimes now but life would still be easier if I had a wheelchair but even the cheapest one that has everything I need is more money than I get in a whole month god fuck augh sorry

[mx-princey]

Honestly all of your story ideas sound good.... personally I think I'm most invested in your ocs story and I'm a bit curious about the premise for your animal crossing one? Mostly bc with ac stories I feel like there's an interesting amount of flexibility there agdhshdh

Ur always so nice thank u 😊

Actually thinking up Plotlines for My Oc (Tea) has been so difficult I've literally probably come up with and scrapped like 10 different plotlines since her creation LOL. At the moment I'm working on designing a few friends for her, a pair of twins whose designs will be based on insects. I want a story about people who are outcast and how isolating it can be to feel unwanted by the world, but also how much people who understand you are worth and can be like family. The setting is still up in the air but right now I am considering a post-apocalyptic setting which came about due to machinery in some way. Tea would be a robot that spent some time "awake" with her human inventor who she was fond of, before being separated and deactivated before being "woken up" after the apocalyptic event, having lost everything she knew and loved. She grapples with self-blame due to sharing an identity with the one's who brought upon the destruction, despite having no part in it herself. For her arc, I'd like her to realise that in fact, very vew robots had a hand in anything that happened and that 1. She has to stop making judgements on others based on archetypes and such, and 2. She has to move forward from her guilt and start to actually take action to make a better world, even if its just in small ways.

I've always wanted something a bit epic lol, but honestly all I have in mind at the moment is that she connects with those around her and helps people to heal and live a better life.

Maybe if I want something very climactic, something will happen that requires them to find a way off planet, and they try to save and take as many beings with them as they can, but of course can't save anyone. That could play into the themes of guilt and the idea that you should do what you can to help people, but you will never be able to do everything or save everybody.

I wrote way more than I meant to about that and I'm not even onto the AC-Inspired story yet... LOL.

The AC-Inspired story is a bit more recent so I haven't talked about it much, but the basic premise is that, when a person becomes lonely enough and makes a wish (doesn't have to be explicit, can just be a feeling) that they had a friend somewhere, and they fall asleep while going somewhere (ie on a train, bus, car, or god forbid driving) when they wake they'll be granted transport to and given a ticket to a village in a forest populated with other lonely people. This "program" has only recently started reaching out to humans, so most of the people there will be animal spirits from a world that functions like ours. Being in this place ambiently lowers people's hostility and makes it easier for people to open up and be understanding. Anybody there can leave at any time, but their ticket will glow when they're "ready" and confident enough to resume their normal life.

So far the character's I've thought most about are a workaholic who poured to much of his life into work and has found himself dangerously socially detached, which started hitting him especially hard when computers started becoming more advanced and his skills quickly started becoming outdated and unneeded. A jaded gay man who's never met anybody like himself and believed he was completely alone and a lesbian who was very active with her local queer scene but due to her high status felt she had to keep up appearances which kept her from expressing her true, admittedly silly self. A lady with pretty bad agoraphobia who spends her time making sure she "looks good enough" to be seen by people but then is constantly too afraid to go outside and be judged anyway. An old spirit who has lived in the village almost since it had been set up, whose love died before he was invited and who has never wanted to go back to a world without them, choosing to stay after his time to meet everyone passing through. A prostitute who genuinely enjoyed her work but was so afraid of being looked down upon for it she decided to build up a reputation as confident and self-reliant, to the point she would never let herself be emotionally vulnerable with everyone. Then there's the cat-spirit who set up the whole system, who seems outwardly confident and chipper, but has insecurities of his own about the whole project.

Writing it now a lot of the character ideas are very cliche, but it is just a work in progress, and it is just a little story I thought up to help me through hard times. Ultimately it's about 1. Connecting with others, 2. Seeing everybody as equal regardless of background and in spite of differences, and 3. The fact that you can't stay with all the people you love forever. The third point is explored through the fact that even though you might make plenty of friends in the village, everyone has to return to their normal life eventually, but the experiences you had together will always exist as happy memories and the things you learned from each other will always be there to support you, together or not.

Also, the character inspirations in order are Raymond (I am not immune to the Raymond :|), Kyle, Katt, Kitty, Dobie, Tiffany, and ofc my boy Rover.

Annnyway its almost 5am and I should sleep now :P sorry if any of this doesn't make sense bc again its late and I took my sleeping meds a little while ago LOL

Anyway thanks for the ask goodnight and I hope u have a good day /)

[trenchgardens-ooc-ooc-ooc-ooc]

Moss seaweed apple!

Moss! Would i kiss them.

Perpep Pepnep - maybe "Oftcas" Niptur - maybe

Detheo Ordeor - maybe Detheo Niptur - maybe

Somati Visoma - probably not The Sanguine, Ur-Clown, Ur-Crane - probably not

Declan "Bluebell" Ferics - probably not The Halfiron - probably not

The SetMedic "Azokie" Axilla - probably not Plexus Axilla - maybe

The Hungjury - most likely not Dlicti Secutu - maybe

Calixtus - yes

The Critical - most likely not Tirent Bawurz - probably not

Bucket Gemnat - yes The Pailborn - yes

Feralone- yes Banyet Cleeaw - yes

Oomani Cartor - probably yes The ShortOut - yes

The Unstrung - yes Qadrum Tunead - yeag

Borrel Brunze - probably The Bullkill - maybe

The Dittched - yes ###### - also yes

Seaweed! What are they most self concious about?

Perpep Pepnep - The stunting. She hates it a lot, that she's always going to be just "worse" than other people, the way she sees it right now. She hates that she cant form the only kind of relationship shes ever had, i.e. the fucked up quad thing she has with her culler, with anyone she knows for reasons that she didnt know she was unnacceptable in, i.e. age, that the whole world works on a ruleset that she was never told about. Why does age matter now when it didnt then type beat, he's twice her age. People say that older people are more mature so it would be a power imbalance but she feels uniquely less grown up than literally anyone she knows. it makes her want to just go back, since it would be easier and safer and she would maybe be happier, at least she thinks so, if she could go back to the life she had before people wouldnt be telling her the only person shes ever knwn and her closest friend and lover is a monster. She had the bandage ripped off and it took the skin with it, but the skins necrotic, just putting the bandage back on would be worse, and you couldn't've worn it forever "Oftcas" Niptur - Ironically, also kind of similar. Not stunting though, that she never had the chance to be a kid, and that she's now the oldest person in any given room. Tv always shows teens having like romances dates and coming come to their lusus or having grill outs or whatever, she never got that. She only really even talks to a peer ever though i guess talk is the wrong word because the halfiron is almost fully nonverbal. Her psionics are tuned towards social environments, she gets *lonely*. Its why she hangs out at the hospital so much, its a huge group of people she can be around. but even when she was able to go out in public without wearing a ghillie suit or a lusus fur cloak she couldnt get close to people, not intimately. if anyone saw her gills- the ones she didnt burn fused- the ones on her ribs, dead. and forget pailing. Someone would have to really not know what olive is supposed to look like to not notice... maybe she tried tattooing her bits olive like she did with her scars... hm. She's an intersex analogue and a trans analogue. She does what she has to to survive. On Continua, Detheo B is gonna have a lot of work once he's in a state to start holding up the pale side of the whatever they have. Sixty years of unpacking once she can finally let out that held breath. Twenty eight sweeps of sawing parts of herself off so her hexagon can fit the square hole.

Detheo Ordeor - His facade. He considers the ... pet regressed? version of himself he indulges in in the garden to be the real him. He hates talking, he hates people. Detheo Ordeor is a character he plays. And he fucking hates that guy. Detheo Niptur - His baby face. Not lacking facial hair-- i mean not Not lacking facial hair, but its not weird for his age for that-- He's small, both naturally and due to the stress he went through when he was hiveless he's just gonna be small. like forevver, it knocked a few inches off his already short stature. Hell on Beforus where he had really soft life when it comes to basic needs like that Perpeps half his age and still taller than him. He. Hates. being underestimated. He's not that scared prawn anymore- he spars with an adult troll and he wins more often than any other she spars with. The fastest way to die around him is to act like he isnt a threat. It frenzies him. It. Pisses. Him. Off.

Somati Visoma - the way his mutations made his proportions wrong. he's the height of an adult purple at nine sweeps, but he didnt grow normally, his skull is taller for one, hands and feet are bigger, the gigantism is most obvious in places with many small bones, because they all keep growing. Its why he wears baggy clothes. He also feels useless. His culler puts a lot of work into being sunny around him but it just feels fake to him, makes him feel like more of a dead end, like he should do more in return, or hurry up and die so she can get on with her life. The Sanguine, Ur-Clown, Ur-Crane - The same dysmorphia. Probably a bit more acutely, especially as he ages, especially as the ur-clown. it was part of his act when he was in the carnival. When they stopped calling him serial culler and started calling him a cryptid,,, well.

Declan "Bluebell" Ferics - To be honest, probably just their disabilities. Mental ones more than physical but all of it. They're stubborn, they're spiteful, its a cover for how sensitive they are about it. They've been made to feel like shit for needing accommodations, and their hive is a legal trial of overthinking pseudo laws. They have to justify anything they want with legal precedent. The Halfiron - Atrocious bedside manner. Thats whats plexus is for.

The SetMedic "Azokie" Axilla - She transitioned late. She's butch but shes not very confident in her femininity yet. Most self conscious about her boobs i think Plexus Axilla - Her blood. Her appearance. Her blood. She hates it. So much. It and everything it represents, every obvious fuckup she did that would have gotten a burgundy killed, every lowblood patient who died for no fucking reason, its the part of her she hates most.

The Hungjury - God... I have no idea. Dlicti Secutu - The scars. Specifically the mouth scar and her manacle and collar scars... and that little :c) scar on her right bicep. And a few others under her clothes. She doesn't fault herself for them and her rational brain doesn't hold them against her and knows on principle that she shouldnt let herself feel ashamed of them, but. she doesn't like looking at them. She has to trust you a lot to feel comfortable with someone looking at them too closely.

Calixtus - Lack of identity. Cali doesn't feel like they have an internal life. They've debated the idea that maybe they're a philosophical zombie, nothing behind the eyes. They don't know if its a mediator cherub thing or just something 'broken' with them, but they. hate talking about themself. a lot.

The Critical - Lack of friends, lack of quadmates. Tirent Bawurz - ...Also that. In the dream bubbles he feels violated, knowing his murderer and his first ghost companion saw his face unpainted. not the same as self conciousness but. yeah. He's very self concious. just in general.

Bucket Gemnat - Yes. Everything. All the time. She's self concious about her horn shape, her name, her transness, her caste, her 'failing to pass,' her 'horrible personality,' her lack of energy, her cruel friends. Her intrusive thoughts. The Pailborn - Everything the same as on Beforus.

Feralone - Her kind of inability to exist in society. Banyet Cleeaw - Gender dysphoria. She's cis, but she never thought she looked enough like a girl, being hairy, flat, and stocky. She channels this into her music.

Oomani Cartor - Oomani struggles with. everything after her violent burnout, but he just doesn't take care of herself. She's sensitive about "how far hes fallen" going from a psion prodigy to legally incompetent. Even without the dissorder she would be depressed right now. No wonder his culler needs to use jedi mind tricks to get her to shower. The ShortOut - The Short Out is dead... if ghosts keep their mental dissabilities then she'd also be. uh. kind of. braindead as a ghost. The same thing that happened to Oomani happened to the ShortOut, but alternian implants are more invasive, not intended to let you be a person who can leave at will, so she got off a lot worse. he got off a lot worse...

The Unstrung - He's self concious about being a stoner hippie. A failure by traditional values. He always kind of feels like he failed his lusus. Qadrum Tunead - Ditto. Universal constant.

Borrel Brunze - She's hard of hearing due to a tbi and cant volume control, shes. sensitive about that. The Bullkill - Having to kill lusii. Its literally her job, she hates it like a lot. She wishes she could use anything other than a bolt gun.

The Dittched - Ditto as their Alt self, but with extra cullee trauma. ###### - Their 'broken brain.' Their lusus abandoned them and they starved as a wriggler too young to hunt, they ate sopor to fill their stomach and it rotted their brain and rotted their stomach. They aren't doing well, even now that they can lay traps. Some days its hard to resist getting back on sopor just cause at least then they'd feel less, even as it destroys them.

Seaweed ! Favorite lie.

Perpep Pepnep - That she was never abused. "Oftcas" Niptur - The plausible deniability that her policy of cutting ties with proteges once they're self sufficient gives her, so she doesn't have to know if they die.

Detheo Ordeor - That he has never abused her. Detheo Niptur - "Short people are more dangerous cause we're closer to hell" or maybe "you know seadwellers are poisonous?" theyre more of jokes but he finds them so funny that he wrote them on some of his communication cards

Somati Visoma - That if he doesn't think about it it will be easier. That he can forget he's dying. The Sanguine, Ur-Clown, Ur-Crane - I don't know if he has one. Seer of Doom means he's not often wrong about things... He has a comfortable delusion he indulges in, sleep, omori style, but its not a lie, really.

Declan "Bluebell" Ferics - Ferics hates lies as nearly much as Perpep. The Halfiron - all of the lies that hide the hospital from prying eyes.

The SetMedic "Azokie" Axilla - The dark carnival, the afterlife. It comforts her even distanced from her faith as she is to think her cullee could exist happily after death. Plexus Axilla - Her identity as One One One, or Onthri her work persona.

The Hungjury - "Justice is blind" Dlicti Secutu - That eating watermelon seeds makes them grow in your stomach.

Calixtus - Everything will be okay.

The Critical - Purple Supremacy Tirent Bawurz - probably also that.

Bucket Gemnat - Escapism, she indulges it a lot. The Pailborn - Also that. Bucket doesn't change much across dimensions.

Feralone - I have no idea Banyet Cleeaw - I have literally no idea

Oomani Cartor - Miketrap. the fnaf theory. its funny to him. The ShortOut - uh...

The Unstrung - ancient aliens Qadrum Tunead - conspiracy theories

Borrel Brunze - ??? The Bullkill - That its more peaceful to use a bolt-gun.

The Dittched - That their lusus was killed, that they didnt leave on purpose. ###### - ditto.

[corpsegold]

got a self help book for narcissism lol. its pretty good actly. did the tests inside, got a score thats just a bit over the "woopsie ur a narc" boundary. Feel ok about it tho. Met a woman during a bender a while ago and was talking to her about it all. She was significantly worse than me. Going through the questionnaires made me realise which aspects of it are issues and which ones arent. Theres a lot of overlap with autism and addiction. After the questionnaires it goes straight into talking about childhood emotional neglect which was kinda mind blowing. Feels validating

I feel less like its the end of the world now. I know that I'm not inherently a bad person, its just gonna be more difficult for me to be a kind person than it might be for other people. Its nice to see what things I need to learn how to manage, and that it could be way WAYYYY worse. It feels good to be able to undertand myself. Its like I need to put a lot more effort into securing and regulating my self esteem. Like eating properly, or sleeping well, I gotta try to manage that, and then itll be easier to be nice to people and not want to die

being a narc doesnt really change anything. I always had these issues. Like getting the label just means I understand why, and its not all the end of the world. I can be more sensible about myself now and hopefully make less chaos.

the book said that like. when youre a child you make these barriers to block of emotions, and thats why you cant have compassion for yourself as an adult, or for anyone else. You find it really hard to empathise because those parts are locked away, but theyre still there and you can get back in contact with them, it just takes loads of work and is really painful. Which is neat tbh

I've felt like I only have 75% of a soul for a long time. Its nice to think that I'm still a whole person inside, its just that parts are locked away. When I was reading the emotional neglect stuff, bits of memories were coming back. It was weird to notice that a tiny part of me felt an impulse to cry over it, but it was really easy to quash. It was like there was a placeholder emotion there. There was an emotion, like a subdued tension, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was like actually feeling the wall.. kind of like "oh yeah I have feelings about this but I'm actually genuinely not feeling them right now" like I didnt have to. It wasnt hard or anything. It wasn't really numb either. Just muted. placeholder

So yeah I've definitely got some narcissistic pathology that gets in the way of being functional, but it could be WAYYYYY worse. Its nice to feel like its not my fault for once? idk if that makes any sense. Its nice to understand that I might never get to be happy, but I can maybe find moments of peace. Its unrealistic to be able to live the life I want to, or to ever be satisfied, but I can get better at regulating and be a nicer person, and then existing might not be so painful

I think its going to be a long road of practising listening and gratitude and keeping things simple. None of those come naturally to me AT ALL. and then maybe it'll be possible to not have to always use myself as a map to understand the rest of the world or other people. Or to not always have to see myself through a lens of success and failure. If that's all that I know how to do, and I use myself as a map, then it makes sense why I'm like this . but mb it wont always have to be this way

[jasminesnmoonsnfeathers]

- posted a snap story w the girl who literally danced on him, but I thought "she should apologize for that" ?

- the way he handled this break up. he really did use me to the end. still wants to make the break up easier on himself so he wanted to use me to help him get through it.

- tinder / trying to fuck other girls which HES ALWAYS WANTED TO DO and HAS BEEN DOING THE LAST FOUR YEARS. knowing he's actively trying fuck other girls but still asks me to talk, again, to use me.

- downloaded tinder THIS YEAR 2 days after your birthday

- made u cry on your birthday, gave half ass birthday message and he probably wasn't even going to talk to you all day , only did bc you reached out

- responded to nickel t snapchat story last year and said he really liked her outfit series (I wouldnt of sent him my work outfits if I knew he was going out of his way to compliment another girls while we were together! oh but he DID EVERYTHING to make me comfortable, right?)

- checked out a girl at marshall's right in front of me, got mad at ME for getting upset about him by yelling at me in the car. I left the car because he yelled and he said "good i'm glad ur leaving go"

- "you're one of them then"

- searching carly's name on snapchat & instagram , still in her likes on his 2nd account because he truly never got over his first love 🥱

- broke up with me probably because he did some sleazy shit and felt guilty "I can't in good conscience continue this relationship" he'll never admit to it though. if he didn't then I'd be surprised considering he's been doing me dirty for 4 years

- went out of his way to venmo kylee back SWIFTLY when she paid for drinks, but was crickets when I had to go 50/50 for shit

- "your feelings are bullshit"

- broke up with me over snapchat. I had to be the one to drive to his house

- used me for sex until he decided he wanted to fuck a better looking bodies

- guilt driven "love" only wanted me to take him back because he couldn't bare the feeling of guilt of cheating, continued to still do sketchy shit the next 2 years. wasn't real love. was guilted love.

- was a huge fight when I told him to unfollow hanna on insta, a girl he has no affiliation with, a girl who I wasn't friends with anymore for good reason, only unfollowed her when he heard kelsey agreed that it was fucked up

- liked half naked pictures of girls on instagram no matter how many times I told him it made me uncomfortable, salivated over lauren munk, lied about sierra, lied about a lot of things :( that I'll never know the truth about, but maybe that's better for my heart

- lastly did you dirty for 4 years of your life that u will never be able to get back. did me so fucking dirty that I can't wrap my head around it.

so much more and that's only from when I took him back. first two years were even worse, isn't that right jmwalkins?

[crepuscollo]

you know what i think the problem is? i continuously let people who don’t meet my mandatory needs into my life. thats why i end up hurt. i never told them what i need and half the time idk what i need anyway. i just let things go for everyone. i dont speak up. i usually dont even know it bothered me till later. and sometimes i think thats j how things are and i cant fix them theres nthn this person can do; blame everything on myself. from here on out, i wanna rlly make sure that i communicate my feelings. im so fucking tired of my emotional needs not being met and walking over myself and just keeping the peace. well, im not at peace.

god. i always let them. im “unproblematic” “low maintenance” “carefree” “everything is simple and nothing is a big deal”. right? cause thats how i gotta be. or else everything would go up in flames. this is how i was fucking raised alright?

my mum makes everything a problem w ruins everything for everyone. so im never gonna be like my mum; always sharing her opinion and expressing herself and saying things and shit. even if all of it is stress, its easier to not show it, it’s easier fof everyone around u. and its not like its unhealthy, right? no bad side effects. and its not like thsres room for 2 stressed and overwhelmed indiciduals right? there cant be. i havs to stay sane. cause she has to act insane.

my dad on the other hand? dont care. carefree. life is simple. life is too short to worry and stress and react and feel. unbothered, unprovoked, uninterested. he seems happy he seems okay. and my mum doesnt.

so how the fuck do u think i turned out? my dad telling me the way to live ur life is to not care and not cause problems and j give ppl simple solutions to their problems. just salek. and no one and no thing can be a problem big enough to make u give a reaction or stress or falter. keep the peace, yeah? all this while my mums anxiety eats away at her. constantly worrying ab this and that and overwhelmed and overstimulated and her minds in bits and pieces and here and there and not sleeping and not focusing not asking no more fucks to give no more space to care about her daughter and fuck, no one gives a shit. LIFE IS EASY ITS SIMPLE JUST DONT WORRY ABOUT NOTHING.

so, how. the fuck. do you think i turned out?

i bottled up my emotions so much to the point where im so overwhelmed but i cant even pinpoint a single feeling. its just all there, overflowing, but i cant see it. i cant feel it. i dont know how. and im afraid that if i start i wont be able to stop.

fun fact: when im crying i dont like being held. i want space. i need reassurance and being told im normal im okay ill be fine cuz it may seem pointless but i need to hear it “youre okay. its okay. youre okay. everything will work out. ill be there. together well make everything right again. dont worry, okay? we got this. you and me? we got this. there’s nothing we cant handle. nothing. is everything is in our hands and is handled and is fine. dont worry. please dont worry. we got this.” and god, i need my tears to be wiped away by some loving hands.

dont talk. just listen to me. tell me that if i share it, and say it, and let you in, well be in it together, and youll help me, and hear me out, and share and unbiased outside perspective. tell me you care so much you just want to take my pain away. you want to hear it. all my thoughts that are eating away at me, if i let them out they lose their power. tell me why you wanna know and dont tell me u wanna know bec u wanna help tell me u wanna know bec u wanna keep me safe and u care and u dojt think i should be alone in my mind. then stop talking. dont over do it. dont be desperate. i need to know its okay if i dont talk. once u tell me ur here with me and i have space to say everything out loud, then create that space with your silence. give me a moment. i need a moment to say it. dont interrupt me. dont give ur opinion. dont try to guess what i want. just dont try. tell me to tell u exactly what it is that i need. let me tell u the story and everything and then ill tell u oh this situation is making me sad or making me regretful so that means i need comforting or ill tell u idk what to do or im confused or idk how i feel then i need advice or if im j overwhelmed and stressed and needed to talk then i need a distraction. let me tell u what i want because if u interrupt or guess or give the wrong expression at the wrong moment itll make me feel misunderstood and unable to communicate how i feel and ill stop trying to talk. i need u to wipe away my tears and give me kisses. not hugs. kisses. let me initiate the hugs.