#and it’s inspired by an that wasn’t completed

[wild-jackalope]

First time having sex is awkward!

pairing :: Virgin!Megumi x Virgin!Reader

warning :: college/university AU, awkward sex, safe sex (finally), lingerie stuff, fingering, slight overstim, very soft, would you hate me if I said this wasn’t rly proof read, need this out of my drafts asap

note :: very inspired by @sonotpattismith fic Hold Me And Explore Me, here’s the link!

For the years you’ve been friends with Megumi you’ve never ever known him to discuss a single intimate topic. For the five months you’ve been in a relationship with him, that fact never changed.

Megumi was a prude, basically.

It wasn’t as though you were one to spill secrets about your personal moments either. Occasionally you’d let the odd story slip when drunk (mainly letting loose some poor experiences being felt up during your younger years of dating), but other than that, you kept your mouth shut.

So when Maki asked you a completely out of pocket question, both you and your boyfriend turned to ice.

“Have the two of you even fucked yet?”

No. Of course you haven’t. You hadn’t even come close! Despite the air being thickened by everyone’s collective drunkenness, you felt a small part of you would resent Maki for the rest of your life after putting you in this situation.

Your jaw slacked open and you took in a breath. The truth lilting on the tip of your tongue.

“Don’t ask personal questions like that.” Megumi cut, to everyone’s collective disappointment, they groaned. Somewhat tipsy himself, Megumi still had the clarity to get the others off your scent and thankfully his harsh words had sent them on another chatting spree devoid of your sex life.

Maki, keen gaze still locked on both you and Megumi, muttered a swift. “Guess you haven’t put that set to use, huh.” Before taking a sip of her vodka mix.

You flushed immediately, embarrassment mixing with the warm alcohol in your bloodstream, coating your cheeks a deep plum colour. Mortification filling your wide eyes, you glanced at Megumi who held an unbothered expression, one of boredom and calm.

But for a split second, his dark blues swiped over you and you caught the slightest hint of curiosity in his narrow gaze. What set?

You snapped your head forward, neck aching from the whiplash.

The ‘set’ Maki was referring to, was bought during a shopping trip Nobara invited both of you to. She needed a refill on her skincare items, Maki needed a new set of sports bras and you needed an excuse to leave your dorm room.

Maki’s chosen store was the closest, so the three of you headed there first. Inside, your eyes caught on the walls covered with expensive underwear made of lace and silk hanging on thin mannequins.

“I should get a new bra, too, my favourites are getting worn out.” Nobara mumbled, looking at the odd racks assembled by colour and size.

A particularly captivating bodysuit grabbed your attention; a smooth ivory piece decorated with straps and shining gemstones, having tuffs of silk peak out of the sides like a skirt and wings. The shiny fabric called to rest comfortably against your skin. It was the most expensive, being shown off at the front of the store to lure young women who wanted to wrap their pretty bodies and show off to their boyfriends. Just like you.

“That one’s too cutesy.” Nobara uttered, following your tranced gaze. “Lingerie is a scam anyway, truth is men don’t even care. They just take it off.”

That was right, Nobara had had sex. Unlike you.

“Would you… help me pick something nice out?” You asked, a gentle and shy invitation.

Despite her previous slander of lingerie, her cheeks glowed in excitement. “Sure. For you and Fushiguro, right?”

“I guess so.” You kindly but nervously replied. Nobara lead you deeper into the store, coming to a back wall with more designs, all notably darker with plenty more lace.

She gazed over the options. “What do you usually like to wear?” She asked.

“I don’t know— nothing?” You responded, awkward hand lifting to fiddle with a purple bralet.

Nobara side eyed you, giving a suspicious look before she asked— much too casually. “First time?”

“Yes.” You nodded, the fabric of the bralet suddenly becoming very interesting!

“First time with Fushiguro, or?” Her trail lilted delicately, hopefully displaying herself as a safe person to spill your secrets to.

“First, first time.” You uttered quietly.

In a quick swish, Nobara grabbed your shoulders and pulled you to her. “Seriously?” She asked.

“Yes, seriously. Is it hard to believe?” You frowned, too mortified for her questioning.

She nodded. “Yes! You’re a total catch.”

“Well, it’s not like I’ve never done anything.” You added, hands defensively rising to your chest. “I’ve been in relationships before, I’ve—” you lowered your voice. “I’ve fooled around.”

“Oh I bet you have.” She added, grin replacing her surprised gape.

“Stop it, you’re so embarrassing.” You pushed against her shoulder, freeing yourself from her death grip.

“Okay, first set, first set.” Mind now back to the mission, she returned to the racks of bras and thongs. “You should have something simple, but sexy. Black, too.”

“Why black?” Plenty of other colours filled the store.

“Fushiguro likes dark things, so he’ll like black on you.” The sensible explanation left her with a shrug.

Would that really be the case? Would Megumi look at your body being cupped by expensive black fabric and yearn for you? You could hardly imagine it. Megumi was never eager for anything, he was the type of guy to react to things with tame calmness. Would he blush? Reach to touch you? Kiss you?

Nobara handed you a neat, black matching bra and thong. “Go try this on.” She instructed, offering you an encouraging smile.

Face to face with your lewdly dressed body and flushed expression in the dressing room only made your anxiousness grow. Nobara had picked a beautiful set, a nicely patterned lace bra broken up by thick black straps pushed up your boobs, coined by a gemstone hanging off the middle. Small ripples of black sheer peaked from the supportive boning, similarly decorating the thin black straps curving around your hips holding up the lacy thong which too, had a gemstone hanging off the centre.

Fuck, Nobara had good taste.

But despite the fact you bought the matching underwear a month ago, nothing came of it. You’d worn it every single time you saw Megumi; a casual date at the park, an afternoon out at the movies, a night in lounging around. Just in case, you had thought, just in case something happens.

And because you wore them everytime you saw Megumi, they clung to your body now, at the very party Maki judged you for not having shown them off yet.

You sipped at your bitter alcohol mix, avoiding both the stares of your boyfriend and your friend. Nobara’s chanting became a welcome distraction, telling Yuji to ‘drink drink drink!’ Down his can of rum. Everyone cheered at his final gulp, including you.

Megumi, however, remained silent.

When the night came to a tired end (at about two in the morning), Megumi and yourself walked to your dorm in a sobering stumbled.

Arms around his neck, you brought Megumi into the plush bed with you, planting messy kisses along his hairline and laughing about the mischief of the night. “Itadori is going to be so hungover.” You muttered.

“Hm.” He thoughtlessly replied, craning his head so your lips made contact with his instead. He leaned over you, slowly letting his body sink into yours and sandwiching you between the bed and him.

In these moments of privacy you felt closest to Megumi. He’d unabashedly pull you in, kiss you and hold you tight.

You hummed against his lips, bringing your hands up to rake your nails through his hair, a trick you knew would immediately cause him to go soft against you, and he did, waist falling between your legs and hands twitching against your sides. He groaned softly and you wished you could record the sound and add it to a private playlist.

Chasing the mild heat in your abdomen, you furthered the kisses shared, moving into making out instead of peppery pecks. He followed you, daring to nip at your bottom lip (a habit he’d picked up from the one time you did it to him).

Your legs wrapped around his hips, pulling his warmth in closer. That shift was what made both your clothed sexes connect. Jolted by the feeling, Megumi slipped from your lips to your ear, whispering a breathy command.

“Show me your set.”

He wasn’t even quite sure what he was asking, but he had an idea, a lewd idea. He knew he needed to know what Maki was talking about, what she knew about his girlfriend that he didn’t.

You gulped, an audible squeak catching in your throat. “You really want to see?” You asked.

He nodded silently, watching your every move as you hesitantly lifted your shirt up and over your head. His narrow eyes grew wide at the sight of your tits cupped by the stunning black garment. You hid in the pillow behind you, digging half your face into the plush at his bewildered expression.

Megumi’s hand had already began moving without him thinking. In what seemed like slow motion, his large palm came to fit around your boob. His thumb rubbed over the soft lace and because of its thin fabric, you gasped as it tickled your sensitive middle.

The noise sobered Megumi from his drunk, tranced state and he pulled his hand away like it had acted on its own free will. He sat up, eyes concentrated on your flushed, messy figure. Fuck, he was so in love with you it hurt.

“I should go.” He uttered softly, pressing a curt kiss to your head.

“What? But—” You babbled something, voice cracking.

“This isn’t a good time, it’s late, you’re drunk.” He reassured your rejection with another kiss.

“You won’t stay?” You asked, leaving you as more of a plea.

“Not tonight.” He finished. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You were then left empty and cold, and despite wrapping yourself in layers of blankets, you felt as naked as ever. The question what was wrong with you? Pulling you into a drunkenly tear filled sleep.

The next morning, the barking of your third alarm pulled you from your slumber. You smacked at the screen of your phone, lifting your now throbbing head from the sweet embrace of your pillow.

Almost immediately Megumi’s rejection of you last night reminded you why your eyes were so crusty with dried tears. However, you didn’t have much time to linger on it, already being late for your morning lecture.

Lunch was when you saw Megumi next. You were reading over your papers in the yard with a furrowed brow, your phone to your ear.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” You asked.

“I mean I don’t know! You’ve know Fushiguro pretty much the same amount of time I have, why don’t you know if he’s had sex?” Nobara snapped back, voice slightly fuzzy through your phone. “Oh, let’s not forget the fact you’re also his girlfriend!”

“I know, I just— ugh. Why is this so complicated?” You huffed.

“It really isn’t, girl. You’re just making it complicated.” She added back, unfiltered judgment in her tone.

“I know, I know.” You were weak before her unwavering moral superiority.

“Talk to him. Neither of you did anything wrong, he was probably still drunk and didn’t want to show you he had whisky dick or maybe he is a virgin and was just too nervous to fuck you.” You wondered for a brief moment who Nobara was around that could hear her talk about your (lack of) sex life.

“I doubt it.” You murmured. Finally your eyes caught the tall shadow that was Megumi and you fiddle to catch your phone as it dropped from your hand. “I gotta go, he’s here. Bye!”

One hand deep in his pocket and the other carrying a bag bloated with book, Megumi walked to you, standing tall over your sitting self.

“Nobara?” He asked, head jutting towards your phone.

“Yup, she uh— just won’t stop calling me.” You breathily laughed, stupidly covering the fact you had been the one calling her nonstop.

His careful eyes surveyed you, immediately grabbing something was amiss. “Hungover?”

Lord knew you weren’t going to bring up last night if he didn’t. You’d rather let it die in the past. “I was this morning, but I’m alright now.” You offered a kind, but forced smile. “You okay?” You returned, gazing up at him.

With the baggy top you’d hurriedly put on this morning, Megumi could see past the collar, eyes catching the familiar black bra. You were so rushed this morning, you didn’t have time to change it. His heart squeezed painfully, hand twitching as it recalled the feeling of the fabric. The same hand that fucked his dick until he came thinking of you once he was alone. Fuck, he was pathetic. “I’m fine.” He gritted. Even through the drunk haze of the prior night, that memory of you below him was as clear as day in his mind.

“You’ve got baseball this afternoon, right? Do you want to come over afterwards?” You asked.

“I can, why?” So you could show him more of your gorgeous body?

“Just to hangout, n’ chat.” You added, as casually as possible. Technically you weren’t lying.

“I’ll come.” He assured. His hands lifted to touch you, but Megumi decided better, shoving it back into his pocket. “Will I see you at practice?”

“I’ll be there.” You smiled.

You’d watched Megumi play baseball since he was young, having been one of his biggest supporters (besides Gojo, of course) since you two became friends. You’d love to watch him play, sitting on a nearby bench with a book to read or your computer to finish an assignment.

Megumi had never admitted it out loud, but before each swing of his bat, he’d gaze out into the empty audience chairs to catch a glimpse of you. You were always there, always looking at him.

It never failed to make his heart swell, even after the two of you began dating, seeing you sit there just for him was the kind of loyalty that made Megumi obsessed with you.

Today, though, it seemed Megumi had more on his mind than he usually did. It was so obvious in the way he played. He was distracted.

On the walk back to your dorm, you could tell he was clearly unimpressed by himself.

Once inside, you excused yourself to the bathroom just to freshen up.

Reflecting from your mirror like a ghost haunting you, hung your cleanly washed thong. Now dry and ready to be worn. Maybe, just maybe, finally ready to be seen. The old habit still clawed you, just in case, you thought, just in case something happens.

You slipped out of the bathroom, a sudden nervousness taking you. “Hey, can we talk?” You asked, finding a seat next to Megumi on your bed.

His furrowed expression disappeared the moment he heard your tone and his eyes lifted to you expectantly. You inhaled.

“I’ve got to tell you something.” You stated, voice wavering despite your desire to sound sure.

“Yeah?”

“I’m a virgin.” You finally uttered.

“Oh, okay.” You could hear in his voice, the slightest hint of bewilderment. Mostly at the suddenness.

“I’ve never had a dick in me, okay? So I’m nervous.” You let the words out like Megumi had you tied up, forcing a confession out of you. A tight pause filled the air as you let the weight of your secret fill the room.

“Why are you so embarrassed? It’s not like I’ve had sex, either.” Megumi’s narrow eyes squinted at his furrowed brow. His cheeks tinted pink, clearly out of his comfort zone to admit this.

“You haven’t?” You felt free of an imaginary weight that lifted from your chest.

“Yes? You’ve been my only girlfriend, I assumed you would’ve just guessed.”

“So nothing? No hookups or anything?”

“Not my thing.”

Your chest bubbled with a freeing excitement. You’d have to thank Nobara later and let her know she’s the goddess of advice. “Thank God, I was so worried.” You exhaled.

“Worried?” His hand came to grasp your arm. Had he seriously done something to make you worry?

“When you left last night, I thought I did something wrong or—”

Fuck. Of course. “No, you didn’t.” He squeezed your arm. He was just an idiot, a drunk, horny idiot. “It was the alcohol, I didn’t think it was a good idea. You didn’t do anything. You were perfect.” His eyes avoided you, cheeks growing darker.

Was he embarrassed? You kissed his jaw, eagerly planting a peck free of doubt.

The kiss seemed to break him from his mumbling as he adjusted your aim, pulling your chin up and kissing your lips. He kissed you again, and you could feel it in his affection too, an excitement to explore you, be the first to learn your body.

To reach his lips better, you moved to straddle Megumi, planting yourself on his lap and letting yourself be enveloped by his affection.

He pulled you down with him as his back fell into the mattress and as you rocked on his lap, you felt the line of his dick through his pants.

Then reality hit you. You two were going to do it. You sat up, blinking at the boy beneath you.

“…Hey.” You peeped, a stupid joking tone wrapping your words.

“Hey.” Megumi replied, his own words threaded with dull awkwardness.

“Do you.. come here often?” You continued, hands fiddling with the collar of his shirt.

He exhaled sharply, amused. “I do.”

“Same.” You nodded slowly. Another flustered moment of silence passed over you.

Megumi’s mind seemed clouded and unbothered by the pause, eyes becoming focused on your shirt. You could guess what he was thinking about.

“I’m wearing it again.” You muttered. His eyes flickered to you, holding an intense gaze you’d only seen him have in serious situations of concentration. “Do you want to see?”

His jaw clenched, and he nodded once. “Yes.”

You offered your shirt to him, prompting him to be the one to take it off you. His thick hands took the fabric, slowly pulling it up and over your head. His eyes caught on the black set again. Now, his gaze weakened, still tense but clouded by a soft desire.

Finally letting in to what he really wanted to do to you the previous night, Megumi sat up, cradling your abdomen to keep you stilled on top of him as he pressed a kiss to the skin that spilled out of your bra. He lightly sucked, no doubt hoping to leave a red mark.

“Megumi.” You softly murmured. The sound pricked his ears like a melody. He continued, more driven kissing and sucking up until he reached your collar bone and cheek.

Face just below your own, Megumi gazed up at you with his usually bored eyes, but currently they were anything but, holding a softness for you that could only be explained away by love. Riddle in the blue of his irises held the deep specks of lust. You wanted more, wanted to see his eyes flutter from pleasure.

Megumi’s thoughts similarly danced along the same trail as your own but despite his somewhat tame expression they were nasty compared to your own. Mostly, they lingered south. His fingers hooked the sides of your pants.

“I want to see the bottom pair.” He murmured, fierce eyes pinning you to his command.

“O-Okay.” You shyly huffed, moving back so Megumi could undress you with more ease. His eyes lingered on your own as he slid off your bottoms, like a boy closing his eyes as he opened his birthday gift so he could be more surprised by the reveal of it fully unwrapped in front of him. As much as you wanted to shy from his gaze, you couldn’t.

Finally your pants were off, tossed off the bed with your shirt. You watched his gaze flicker to your thong, and you shivered at the exposure. He leaned in, hands resting on your knees in an attempt to let you know he wanted them open, you didn’t comply, far too embarrassed. “Pretty.” He muttered. The swarm of butterflies in your stomach fluttered uncontrollably.

One of his hands snaked down your thigh, coming to grasp the gemstone hanging from the front strap. He twisted it between his thumb and index finger, and you badly wished it he’d play with your clit like that.

Then, his hand dragged over the lace fabric, so dangerously close to your bundle of nerves that your legs creaked opened on pure instinct. Megumi huffed at your bodies desire to be touched, taking the moment of weakness to slip himself between your legs.

Lower now, his fingers dared to slide over your clit. You gasped and his hand stunted.

“Feel okay?” He breathed, lust kissed eyes glowering at you. Don’t make him stop, not yet. Not when he was finally able to feel you.

“Feels good.” You murmured. Megumi’s jaw slacked and he panted a suppressed grunt at your pathetic words. Almost immediately he continued the motion, familiarising himself with what spots of your cunt would made you hiccup and your tummy twitch. “M-Megumi.” You whined with no real purpose behind your plea.

Hot, it was becoming too hot. He left your pussy for a second, pulling off his shirt and tossing it like he had your pants. Your cheeks blazed at his thin but muscled body. You’d only ever caught sight of his abs on a windy day, never had you seen his bare chest before. His skin was so smooth and light, your fingers begged to memories each curve and bump.

He closed the space between you, coming to press messy pecks on your lips whilst his hand returned to your cunt. Your hands rested against his thudding chest, letting yourself fall into the bedding.

“I can feel your heart beat.” You huffed, somewhat excited by the rapid pace. “Nervous?” You asked, a teasing prod.

“Eager.” He corrected, collecting your lips in another kiss.

His ring and index calmly slid up and down, the tips of his fingers daring over the patch of wet forming around your sex. You wanted to do the same, wanted so desperately to feel more of his body, but your nails stilled, dug into his chest waiting for some kind of permission you couldn’t even ask for.

And Megumi, the utter mind reader, took your wrist with his free hand and led you on a trail down his abdomen. He must’ve felt your hesitancy and made the move for you, that, or he was desperate to feel your hands wander over his body.

And your featherlight fingers curved over the dips of his abs. In reaction to your sweet touch, you felt his rubbing become messy and he pressed hard against your clit. You gasped into his mouth, nails scraping against his tight stomach and his jaw clenched tight, swallowing a grunt.

“More, Megs, please.” You blurted, hole dripping and utterly prepped for whatever Megumi wanted to stuff inside you.

He remained somewhat levelheaded, thinking that if he fucked you now, he’d cum too quick and this would be all over. He couldn’t bear the thought of leaving you unsatisfied. So despite his aching cock, his fingers dipped under your thong and circled your weeping cunt. He was going to savour every single second.

Slowly, he pushed past the rings of your wet chasm. And fuck. His fingers and dick must’ve been connected, because he could’ve sworn he felt the ghost of your inside around him just like they were around his fingers.

His cock twitched, leaking a fat blob of precum. “Shit.” The way your pussy jumped at his curse didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“Oh God— Megumi, hng.” Your legs weakened, turning to jelly at the feeling of his warm fingers pressing against your tight, sensitive walls. Megumi’s two digits were thicker and rugged from gripping a bat all his life, the perfect size and texture against your trembling insides and otherworldly compared to your own.

“Good?” He asked.

“Yea— mhm.” Your eyes fluttered shut, hands hesitating over Megumi’s torso until they gripped his tensed arms.

His mouth hung open, too distracted by massaging your insides to dedicate his lips to you. Hot pants filled your mouth as you desperately kissed him, each breath of his slowly filling with grunts to the symphony of your whines. Each moan from you battered his dick, making it pulse painfully for you.

His fingers chased your twitching hips, pushing in deeper each time you squirmed from the sensation. Until the tips of his fingers slid against the spongey sweet spot inside of you that was hidden in the curve of your chasm.

“Right there!” You squealed, the hight of your voice surprising both of you. “Curl your fingers— Mh! just like that.”

He did so, pushing his digits against the sweet spot, lightly pressing and smoothing over the area. You trembled beneath him, clinging to his body like he was your life support.

Megumi loved every second of it, watching your body contort from just his fingers. He just wanted to watch you like this, utterly drunk on pleasure, for forever.

He wanted to make cum so badly it was driving him mad.

“Ohh, please don’t stop.” How could he? Your pussy had just begun clenching around him so gorgeously, tightening like the building orgasm inside you.

Megumi had only realised you’d cum after you yelped his name and your walls sucked on his fingers, trying to milk them of cum. He wanted so badly to feel the sensation around his cock.

“Hng— thank you, thank you.” You babbled embarrassingly, kissing along Megumi’s throat.

He couldn’t stand it anymore, the lack of you around his dick, uncomfortably he palmed his boxers, trying to adjusted his blood filled cock.

The trance of afterglow seemed to subside as you gazed over Megumi’s frustration. Although you were undone, you still craved more of him inside your fuzzy chasm. “More?” You asked, an invitation.

Megumi nodded, thanking the heavens you weren’t done with him. His hand dug into the wallet in his pant pocket, digging out a condom. He pulled it out, half pruned fingers covered in your slick attempting to tear it open.

It was like you’d been slapped in the face with the curt realisation that he had prepared for this. Just as you went to buy lingerie, Megumi had gone and bought condoms. He must’ve thought it could’ve happened at any moment to keep one in his wallet.

He brought the wrapper to his teeth, being frustrated with his inability to open it and tore it open with his clenched teeth. You sucked in a breath at his flimsy eagerness.

The bashfulness that came with revealing himself seemed to skip Megumi’s mind, as he pulled down his baggy pants to let his leaking cock free of the fabric.

Your eyes shot up to the ceiling, needing to look elsewhere as you heard him slide on the plastic birth control. From the glimpse you did catch you could tell he was thin and long. Your attention dived back down once you left a gentle hand rest on your hip, his thumb rubbing over the bone.

His eyes, once you met them, held a simple question; are you ready?

You nodded, closing your eyelids and bracing for his length. However the feeling never came, only his lips as they trailed from your tummy, over your bra and up to your lips.

Your hands cradled his head, nails dragging across his scalp and he grunted. This felt familiar, the feeling of his body softening against yours as you pressed simple kisses onto one another’s lips. Through the intimacy, you felt Megumi readjust, pulling your underwear to the side and lining his tip against your sopping sex.

Closer now, you hugged him through the stress. He slowly sunk into you, the plastic of the condom feeling cool against your hot insides. “Fuck.” He hissed, nipping at your bottom lip.

You sobbed, letting the sensation of being filled by your boyfriend feed your mouth with curses.

He entered slowly, just as much for you as it was for him. His face, flushed red and eyes fluttering in pleasure. You not far from the same, mouth agape with lewd noises spewing out.

He bottomed out when your hips met, taking a brief minute to calm your collective gasps. You gazed down, drowsily taking in the enrapturing sight of you two being connected. Megumi moaned weakly at your smitten stare, feeling himself fall apart from inside you.

“S’okay?” He asked.

“Y-Yes, you can move.” You permitted desperately.

He drawled his hips out carefully, rolling inwards again. Your insides still buzzed from his fingers, raw and sensitive to his filling cock. He could feel you spasm around him, forcing friction when he desperately needed you to be still so he didn’t cum prematurely.

Another breathless curse left him as his length dived back into you. “Oh fuck— I love you.” You gaped at the words, wondering suddenly was that the first time he’s ever said that?

He rolled his hips again, breaking up your quick declaration. “Love— mh— you.”

He cradled you, pulling your body in with his unlikely strength as he fucked you gently. You’d never felt so close to another person before, having him so deep within you, filling your body with pleasure.

Megumi had lost most of his composure, becoming a vocal mess as he humped into your heavenly insides.

“So tight.” He uttered into your skin. “S’perfect.” He kissed your skin, sucking hard hickies into your chest and neck.

“Mnh— love you, hng.” You repeated, too cock drunk to babble anything else.

Messier now, his hip rolls became somewhat frantic, chasing the building mountain of his orgasm. “S-Shit— I’m gonna cum.” The statement rolled off his tongue in a pathetic whine, another crack from his usual composure.

“Don’t s-stop! Please, Gumi ahh.” You were already being worked to your second orgasm, you couldn’t bare to be emptied of him before you reached your high. Your legs wrapped around him, keeping Megumi in.

“Ngh— fffuck.” He plowed harder now, his cock tip perfectly fucking against your sweet spot. Suddenly his tame thrusts became a stuttering mess as he muffled your name into your shoulder.

You could feel him orgasm, feel his cock jerk, feel his cum bloat the tip of the condom inside you.

Noticing him slow, you rolled your hips, desperately fucking yourself onto his mid-orgasm dick.

His hands smack at your sides, attempting you to pull you off his overstimulated dick.

“Almost almost almost—” You pleaded.

With what he had left in him, Megumi took your hips and helped you grind yourself on his cock. He bit your shoulder, muffling the pained moans leaving him.

“Fuck!” You squeaked, his dick slid over your g-spot again, finally bringing you to your spine tingling orgasm. Your insides spasmed around Megumi’s dick, and he whined at the feeling, growing painfully hard again.

Your body went limp, as did the tight hold you had on Megumi. Both your bodies sat panting, utterly fucked out and glistening with sweat.

Raising from you, Megumi looked over your flushed, messy state, his cock still warm fitted inside you. He savoured the sight, thinking that if he could take a photo of this, he’d keep it in his wallet.

“We should shower.” He murmured, painting kisses along your shoulder.

“Mhm, okay.” You nodded.

Fuzzy insides retracting as Megumi slipped from you, you sighed longingly, whilst he grunted, disappointed he couldn’t live inside you.

You groggily sat up, kissing him before attempting to move off the bed but Megumi kept you back, hooking a finger around the strap of your bra.

“How much was the set?” He asked.

“Uhm, not much, Nobara helped me pay for it so—”

“I’ll buy you another one.”

The heat that had just left your cheeks suddenly returned.

[romugh]

IN HER REFLECTION- nerd!NR

pairing- nerd!natasha romanoff x reader

cw- 18+!!; top!reader, sub!bottom!natasha, fingering, mirror sex, liiiight choking, strap (n rcv), heavy praise kink!!, slight degradation if you squint i guess, natty in subspace!

wc- almost 10k of pure smut? sorry?

a/n- got inspired by a request! and then my brain did something weird and suddenly there's 7k words about natasha taking a strap, but that's not on me. not. on. me. blame the anon! (loved writing your request, feel free to send some more in x)

request- forcing nerdy!nat to look at herself on the mirror while you make her sit on your lap and finger her.

synopsis- natasha had been a brat, so you treat her like one, exploring her desires as she confronts herself in the mirror.

taglist- @esposadejoyhuerta, @lost-mortemanghel - comment or dm if you'd like to be added x

It wasn’t just today that had you on edge. Natasha had been bratting out in the most subtle, infuriating ways for days now, but today she had taken it to another level. She knew exactly how to toe the line—pretending to be her usual innocent, shy self—while leaving just enough doubt in your mind to make you question whether or not she was pushing you intentionally.

The text messages were what really started it.

You’d been in class, trying to focus on a lecture, when the first one came in. It was simple enough: “Hope your class is going well ;)”—completely harmless, right? But you couldn’t shake the feeling there was more to it, especially when you opened it and saw the little winking emoji she’d added at the end. That wink, so out of character for her, made you pause. You stared at your phone, trying to decide whether or not you were imagining things. Natasha didn’t usually send flirty texts, let alone ones with winking emojis.

You could already feel the flicker of heat in your chest, but you pushed it aside and ignored the message, hoping it was just an innocent mistake.

Except it didn’t stop there.

Three hours later, another text came through: “I keep thinking about you today. Can’t focus on anything else.”

And this time, it wasn’t so easy to brush off. Her words were vague enough to be taken as sweet, but your gut told you there was more to it. You could almost imagine her saying those words, the way her voice might sound just a little breathless as she admitted it.

By the third class, you were struggling to concentrate. The way Natasha kept popping into your mind, her texts leaving you on edge, had you feeling more than just a little distracted.

As soon as the lecture ended and you stepped out of the classroom, your phone rang. Natasha.

You picked up, trying to keep your voice casual. “Hey, Natty. Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” she replied, her voice soft and shy, but there was something else. A breathlessness. Like she was slightly out of breath. “I was just thinking about you.”

Again, it sounded innocent enough, but the timing, the tone… something about it felt deliberate.

You frowned, trying to make sense of it. "Are you sure you're okay? You’ve been really... attentive today."

“I just miss you,” she murmured, her voice carrying that same soft, almost innocent tone. But underneath it, you could sense that there was more she wasn’t saying.

There was a slight pause on the line, and for a moment, you thought you heard her inhale sharply, like she was trying to catch her breath. It made your pulse spike, sending a ripple of heat through you. You didn’t ask, but the thought crossed your mind—was she…?

No. Natasha was too innocent for that. You knew she wouldn’t touch herself without you.

Still, the way she’d sounded out of breath left you imagining all sorts of scenarios, ones you tried to push away as you focused on getting through the rest of the day.

By the time you got home, her teasing texts and those breathy phone calls had simmered inside you, leaving you wound tight. She was fully aware of her actions, even though she acted like she wasn’t. The winks, the subtle innuendos, the way she kept thinking about you and calling you after every class—it was all part of her game.

And now, here she was, sitting at your dining table, acting like the same sweet, innocent nerd who couldn’t possibly have done anything wrong. Her head tilted slightly as she studied you, still feigning innocence, but there was that glimmer in her eyes, that hint of mischief that sent a fresh surge of frustration through you.

“What’s wrong?” she asked again, her voice sweet but clearly baiting you, her lips curling into the faintest smirk. “Did I do something?”

You exhaled sharply, narrowing your eyes at her. “Don’t play dumb, Natty. You know exactly what you’ve been doing all day.”

She blinked up at you, a blush warming her cheeks, but she didn’t deny it. Instead, she held your gaze, biting her lip as if struggling to suppress a smile, that bratty confidence shining through.

You moved closer, standing directly in front of her now, crossing your arms as you stared down at her. “The texts, the calls… were you just trying to mess with me?”

Her breath hitched slightly, the blush spreading across her cheeks. “I-I wasn’t trying to—”

“Don’t lie,” you interrupted, your tone firm. You leaned in, placing your hands on the arms of her chair, caging her in. “You’ve been bratting out all day, trying to get a reaction. Haven’t you?”

Her eyes widened for a moment, her bravado faltering just slightly. But then, after a beat of silence, she bit her lip and nodded.

“Maybe a little,” she whispered, her voice barely audible, but the admission was clear.

You could feel your pulse quicken, the tension between you crackling like electricity. You knew she was doing this on purpose, trying to push your buttons, trying to test you. But now? Now she was going to find out exactly what happens when she pushes too far.

“You like pushing me, don’t you?” you asked, your voice low and dangerous, watching as her blush deepened even further.

Natasha squirmed slightly in her seat, clearly flustered, but she didn’t look away. “I-I like it when you… when you pay attention to me,” she admitted softly, her voice filled with nervousness and excitement.

You raised an eyebrow, your lips curling into a smirk. “Oh, you have my attention, alright.” You let your hand move to her chin, tilting her head up so she was forced to keep looking at you. “But if you want to keep bratting out, then you’d better be ready to handle what comes next.”

Her breath caught in her throat, her wide eyes locking onto yours. You could see the anticipation swirling there, her nervousness mixing with anticipation as she realised what was about to happen.

“Stand up,” you commanded, your tone leaving no room for argument.

Natasha quickly obeyed, her body trembling slightly as she rose to her feet, her gaze never leaving yours. You could see the flush creeping down her neck, and you knew that under her composed exterior, she was just as affected as you were.

You moved behind her, placing your hands on her shoulders and guiding her toward the mirror on the far wall of the room. She looked confused for a moment, but she didn’t resist.

You positioned her in front of the mirror, your body pressing close to hers from behind, your hands slowly sliding down her arms as you leaned in close to her ear.

“Look at yourself, Natty,” you whispered, your voice low and commanding. “Look at how flushed you are. How much you’ve been teasing me today.”

Her breath came in short, sharp gasps, her eyes fixed on her reflection as you stood behind her, the tension between you thick in the air. She could see it herself too now—the bratty smirk gone, replaced with the vulnerable, needy expression you knew she’d been hiding all day.

“You think you’re so innocent,” you murmured, your hands moving down to rest on her hips. “But you’re not. You’ve been begging for this all day.”

Natasha let out a shaky breath, her eyes flickering between the mirror and the floor, her body trembling under your touch.

“I… I didn’t mean to—”

“Oh, but you did,” you interrupted, your tone soft but firm. “And now, you’re going to take the consequences.” -

You sit on the edge of the bed, facing the mirror in your bedroom with Natasha in your lap. Her back is resting against your front, her body snug against yours. She’s still wearing her panties and your oversized shirt—one she had been using as pyjamas, soft and far too big for her. The image of her in it, slightly dishevelled, only adds to the intimacy of the moment.

She had undressed you earlier, her hands tentative but eager, slowly pulling off each piece of clothing until you were left bare. Her fingers had lingered on your skin, tracing over your chest, arms, and thighs with a delicate touch, as if still unsure of her own boldness. Now, the warmth of her bare back pressing against your chest feels both grounding and electrifying.

The oversized shirt hangs loosely off her shoulders, the fabric falling down past her thighs, barely covering anything. Her skin glows in the dim light of the room, and the way her chest rises and falls with each shallow breath betrays the nerves bubbling inside her. You can feel her heartbeat thudding softly against your chest, her anticipation palpable.

With one hand resting on her waist, you reach for the hem of the shirt. Your fingers brush lightly against her skin, and you feel the shiver that runs down her spine. "Let’s get rid of this," you murmur softly into her ear. She tenses for a moment, but she doesn’t object, only nodding slightly in agreement.

You tug the shirt upwards, brushing it over her shoulders and guiding her arms out of the sleeves. Her skin is warm beneath your touch, and when the shirt is finally discarded, it leaves her sitting there in nothing but her panties, vulnerable and exposed in the dim light of the room.

The soft blush on her cheeks deepens, her eyes glancing away from the mirror in front of you as she tries to hide her embarrassment. But there’s no hiding now—not when you’re both like this.

"Look at yourself," you say gently, your voice soft but firm. Your fingers lift her chin, tilting her head slightly so she’s forced to meet her own reflection in the mirror. Her wide eyes flicker nervously, trying to focus on anything but the image staring back at her. But you don’t let her turn away.

"Look at how beautiful you are," you continue, your hand sliding down her bare stomach, feeling the soft skin beneath your fingertips. She trembles slightly, her body pressing further into you for comfort. The sight of her like this—vulnerable, unsure, and so soft—makes your heart ache with affection.

Her breathing hitches as your hand travels lower, tracing over the waistband of her panties. She’s already wet—you can feel it through the fabric—and the knowledge sends a thrill down your spine. You slide your hand under the waistband, teasing her with the lightest of touches.

"You’re already so wet for me," you murmur, pressing a finger against her slick entrance. Natasha gasps softly, her body jerking in your lap. Her hips shift instinctively, trying to push against your hand, but you hold her steady.

"Keep looking," you remind her, tilting her chin up again as you tear her panties away with a swift motion, leaving her exposed to the mirror. "I want you to watch every second."

Her breath comes in soft, shaky pants as you slide a single finger inside her. Her walls flutter around you, the slick heat welcoming your touch, but she’s so tight, so sensitive. She bites her lip, trying to stifle the whimper that escapes her, but you catch it anyway.

"Tell me how it feels," you coax her gently, your lips brushing against the shell of her ear.

"It feels… good," she whispers, her voice trembling. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes half-lidded as she watches the reflection of herself in your lap, back pressed against you, utterly at your mercy. She’s barely holding on to her own control, the sensation already overwhelming her.

You add another finger, stretching her slightly, and her body tenses. She lets out a soft moan, her head falling back against your shoulder as you continue to move inside her. The wet sounds of your fingers sliding in and out of her fill the room, and her reflection shudders at the sound. Her hips rock involuntarily against your hand, desperate for more friction.

"Look at yourself," you whisper again, your voice a mix of command and praise. "Look at how beautiful you are when you’re falling apart so fast."

Natasha’s eyes flutter open, her gaze locking onto the reflection, and the sight makes her blush even deeper. She watches herself being fingered, cheeks flushed, lips parted as soft gasps fall from her mouth. She’s trembling in your lap already, her hips moving slightly, but she’s still shy, still struggling to meet her own gaze.

"Don’t hide from me," you murmur, curling your fingers inside her, causing her to whimper. "I want to see you, hear you. I want you to see yourself."

Her chest rises sharply as the pleasure builds, and her body reacts to every small movement of your hand. The intensity of it is written all over her face—her soft moans, the way her legs tremble in your lap, the way she tries so hard to maintain her composure but can’t.

You pick up the pace, curling your fingers just right, and Natasha’s breath hitches. Her hips jerk forward, her body writhing as the pleasure starts to take over. She’s close now, her walls tightening around your fingers, her moans growing louder as her body shudders in your arms.

"That’s it," you praise softly. "You’re doing so well."

It doesn’t take long before Natasha falls apart completely. Her orgasm hits her in waves, her body trembling violently as she gasps for air, her reflection a beautiful, trembling mess. Her walls clamp down on your fingers, and she lets out a loud moan, unable to hold back any longer. You keep your pace steady, letting her ride out the full extent of her climax.

"Good girl," you whisper, kissing her temple as she leans back against you, her body spent. "You’re so perfect."

For a moment, you think she might be done, her breathing heavy and her body limp against yours. But then, she surprises you.

"I want more," she whispers breathlessly, her voice barely audible. There’s a neediness to her tone, a desperation for something deeper, more intense.

You pull your fingers out slowly, watching as her body twitches at the sudden emptiness. She’s still trembling, her slick heat clinging to your fingers. "Are you sure?" you ask, your voice gentle but firm, wanting to be absolutely certain.

Natasha nods, biting her lip as she gazes at you in the mirror, cheeks flushed and eyes still glassy from her orgasm. You position three fingers at her entrance, and her breath catches in her throat. She’s never taken that much before, and the nervousness is evident in her expression. But she trusts you—completely.

With slow, deliberate movements, you push three fingers inside her, feeling the stretch and the tightness as she struggles to take all of you. Natasha lets out a sharp gasp, her body tensing, but you’re patient, whispering soothing words of encouragement into her ear.

"Just breathe," you murmur, one hand resting on her waist to ground her. "You’re doing so well, Natty."

Gradually, her body adjusts to the stretch, and the burn begins to melt into pleasure. She’s panting now, her walls fluttering around your fingers as she finally takes all three. Her hips begin to move again, her body seeking out the pleasure despite the overwhelming sensation of being stretched so deliciously. The sensation is intoxicating, and she could easily get addicted to it—the way her pussy clenches around you, taking you in, while she watches herself in the mirror, captivated by the sight.

"That’s it," you praise, your voice low and soothing as you curl your fingers inside her. Natasha’s moans grow louder, her hips rocking against your hand as she loses herself in the pleasure, her reflection shaking and flushed with arousal.

Natasha’s hips move restlessly, grinding down onto your hand as her breath comes in shallow gasps. Her body feels like it’s on fire—every nerve alight with the intense pleasure that your fingers are pulling from her. She’s still trembling, her chest rising and falling erratically as she fights to stay grounded, but it’s slipping away from her with every passing second.

The mirror reflects everything—her flushed face, the way her thighs quiver, craving more of you, even though there’s nothing more to take. Her body tightens and relaxes, caught in a desperate struggle to maintain control over herself. But she’s slipping. She’s losing herself in you, in the way you fill her completely, in the overwhelming need that her body can’t seem to satiate.

Her thoughts blur, everything hazy and distant except for the overwhelming need that pulses through her. There’s no space for anything but the intense sensations, the pleasure so deep and raw it’s almost painful. Her mind can’t focus on anything but the feel of your fingers inside her, the way they stretch her, fill her, the pressure growing until it’s too much.

“I-I can’t—" Natasha gasps, her voice trembling as she tries to form a coherent sentence, but she can’t finish it. Her head falls back against your shoulder, her eyes slipping shut as her body jerks again, a sharp moan escaping her lips.

"You can," you murmur softly, your free hand sliding up to caress her thigh, your voice gentle yet firm. "You’re doing so well, Natty. Just breathe. Let go. I’ve got you."

Her breath catches at your words, the praise hitting her in a way that makes her twitch even more. It’s as if every word of encouragement digs deeper into her mind, making her desperate to please you. She wants to take more, to be good for you, to show you just how much she can handle, how much she needs you.

Her hips jerk forward again, her body trying to pull you even deeper, but it’s still not enough. It’s never enough.

"I want to... please you," Natasha whispers, her voice breathy and weak, barely audible above her own moans. Her fingers clench at the sheets, her body trembling uncontrollably as she rocks back against you, but she’s so far gone that she’s not even sure of what she’s asking anymore.

"You are pleasing me," you whisper, lips brushing against the soft skin of her neck. "You’re perfect, princess. You’re everything I want."

Her breath hitches, her heart pounding as she hears your words, and she can’t help the soft whimper that escapes her. The praise makes her head spin, makes her want more, makes her want to be everything for you.

As you worked her open, the world around you faded into a blur. Natasha’s breathy whimpers filled the space between you, mixing with the steady rhythm of your fingers. The burn and stretch she felt was becoming a delicious ache, one that ignited something deeper within her.

“Just a little more,” you coaxed, your voice a low murmur as you continued to move inside her. “You’re doing so well, Natty.” The praise slipped from your lips like honey, sweet and thick, wrapping around her as she began to surrender to the sensations.

With a deep inhale, Natasha’s eyes fluttered closed, and for a moment, the tension in her body dissolved completely. She began to rock her hips, slowly at first, testing the waters, but soon it transformed into something more urgent, more desperate. You could feel the weight of her trust, a gift that was both intoxicating and thrilling.

Then, without warning, she surprised you. Natasha shifted her weight, driving your fingers deeper inside her as she began to ride them, her movements instinctive, almost primal. The way her body responded to you was mesmerising. Each rise and fall was a dance, her movements fluid and graceful, yet filled with an undeniable hunger.

“Oh my God,” you breathed, utterly captivated by the sight before you. The way she looked, the way she felt—it was overwhelming. The flush of her cheeks deepened, a beautiful shade of crimson, contrasting against the gentle curves of her body. Her eyes, once filled with uncertainty, now sparkled with a wild abandon that made your heart race.

With every thrust of her hips, you could feel the warmth of her surrounding your fingers, enveloping them in a slick, delicious heat. The way she took you deeper, riding your fingers like she was trying to chase down that elusive high—it sent a surge of primal instinct through you. You wanted to guide her, to push her further, but she was taking the lead, and you were powerless to stop it.

“Natasha,” you murmured, your voice thick with desire. “You’re so beautiful like this.”

At your words, her eyes snapped open, locking onto yours in the mirror. There was a glint of something—was it pure submission?—in her gaze that sent a shiver down your spine. She looked so captivating, the way her body moved in tandem with your fingers, her breasts rising and falling with each breath, the soft swell visible through her shirt. You could feel your pulse quicken, blood rushing to your ears as the sight of her lost in pleasure ignited a fire within you.

“Does it feel good?” you asked, wanting to hear her voice, to feel her pleasure wrap around you like a warm embrace.

“Yes,” she gasped, her voice a breathless whisper. “So good.”

You could see the way her body tensed, the slight tremors that coursed through her as she adjusted to the rhythm. The way she leaned backward, pressing her back into your front, gave you an even better view of your fingers disappearing into her. Her sweat clung to her skin, highlighting the curves you wanted to worship.

“Just like that, Natty. You’re perfect.”

Her breath hitched at your words, and she pushed her hips down harder, eager to feel you filling her. Each time your fingers brushed against that sweet spot deep inside her, she gasped, the sound filled with pure ecstasy. The way she rode you, her body moving with both urgency and grace, was hypnotising. She wanted more, her mind hazy from the pleasure, she needed more.

“Look at yourself,” you urged, your voice low and sultry. “Look at how you’re losing yourself in this. How beautiful you are.”

As she gazed into the mirror, you saw a flicker of vulnerability, mixed with a newfound confidence. The tension in her body began to shift, the way she moved becoming more fluid, more assured. The flush on her cheeks deepened, and her mouth fell open in a long moan, the sound reverberating in the silence of the room.

“I—oh God,” she stuttered, her body beginning to tremble as you curled your fingers, hitting that sweet spot again and again. “I can’t… Please–I need more.”

“It’s  okay,” you reassured her, your voice steady, not knowing just how serious she was. “Just let go. Trust me, Natty.”

And as if your words had cast a spell, she surrendered completely. You could see it in her eyes—the moment she slipped into subspace. The tension that had held her so tightly began to unravel, the trust she placed in you lifting her higher than she’s ever been before.

“Please,” she begged, her voice thick with need. “I want more.”

You felt a surge of pride, knowing that you were the one to take her there, to help her explore these depths. “You want more, huh?” you teased lightly, relishing in the power dynamic that flowed between you.

“Yes,” she gasped, her hips working furiously against your hand, every movement driven by instinct. The way her body tightened around you, her walls squeezing your fingers, made your breath hitch in your throat.

“Such a good girl for me,” you praised, watching as her eyes fluttered closed once more, a blissful expression painting her features. The way she was losing herself, riding your fingers with reckless abandon, filled you with an overwhelming need to see her reach her peak.

“Keep going, Natty. I want to see you come undone,” you encouraged, your voice dropping to a low, sultry whisper that wrapped around her like a warm blanket.

With each thrust, you felt her teetering on the edge, her body trembling with pleasure. “I’m so close,” she panted, her voice shaking with need.

“Let go for me,” you urged, your fingers never faltering, coaxing her closer to that precipice. “You can do it. I’m right here.”

In that moment, you felt her walls tighten one last time, her body quaking as she finally surrendered to the waves of pleasure crashing over her. “I—oh God!” she cried, the sound filled with pure bliss as she fell over the edge.

As her orgasm washed over her, you could see the way her body tensed and relaxed, the euphoric release igniting every nerve ending. You held her tightly, guiding her through it, feeling every pulse, every quiver as she rode out the waves of ecstasy.

Natasha was deep in subspace, the remnants of her first orgasm still coursing through her like a gentle wave. Her breaths were slow and steady, but the way she clung to you—her fingers gripping your arms tightly—betrayed the excitement bubbling beneath her surface. She was in a world all her own, a place where she felt safe, vulnerable, and strangely empowered.

You watched her through the mirror, captivated by the way her expression shifted from blissful surrender to a shy longing. Her cheeks were still flushed, and her eyes sparkled with something you recognized as desire, but there was a hesitation there, too. It was a mix of trust and uncertainty, and it only made you want her more.

“Can I…?” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper, yet filled with a shy eagerness. “Can I have your cock?”

The request sent a thrill through you. “You want my strap?” you asked, your voice low and teasing. You were ready to give her anything, but you wanted to draw out the moment, to enjoy this shift in power dynamics.

“Y-Yeah,” she stammered, biting her lip, her innocence suddenly seeming more pronounced in the heat of the moment. “Please?”

You nodded, a grin spreading across your face. “Alright. Just let me choose one for you.” You reached for the drawer to your left, excitement bubbling in your chest as you pulled out various options. As you displayed them, you couldn’t help but notice the way Natasha’s eyes widened and her breath quickened.

But when you picked up one of the smaller straps, she shook her head vigorously. “No! I want the biggest one.”

Your brows shot up in surprise. “The biggest one? Are you sure about that?” You hadn’t even used it before—it was something your friends had gifted you as a joke, but here was Natasha, deep in subspace and adamant about wanting it.

“I’m sure,” she insisted, her voice a mixture of shyness and determination, almost as if she was testing the boundaries of her own desires. The way she bit her lip again, uncertainty creeping into her gaze, made your heart race. “Please.”

You couldn’t resist her. There was something so endearing about her shy insistence, her innocence shining through even as she pushed her own limits. “Alright, then. It’s in the other drawer, baby. But you have to promise me you’ll tell me if it’s too much.”

“Promise,” she replied, her gaze unwavering, the trust in her eyes melting any reservations you had.

With a nod, she hopped off your lap, her legs slightly wobbly but her determination shining through. She moved to the drawer, reaching inside to retrieve the oversized strap. You couldn’t help but admire the way she handled it, her shyness somehow making her seem even more alluring.

When she returned, her cheeks were bright red, and her hands trembled slightly as she held the strap. “I want it,” she stated, her voice firm but still laced with a hint of innocence. You could see how deep into the mindset she was, yet her shyness made this moment feel even more intimate.

“Alright, sweetheart,” you said softly, your voice reassuring as you got up. “But let’s take it slow. I want you to enjoy every moment.”

After you had stepped into the harness and adjusted the 12-inch strap, you moved toward the bed, but Natasha lingered behind, not immediately following. Her blush deepened as she stood by the mirror, her gaze falling shyly before she finally spoke, her voice barely above a whisper, “Can you... take me where I can see myself?”

Her words caught you off guard, but the longing in her eyes made your chest tighten. “Are you sure?” you asked softly, needing to ensure she was comfortable with what she was asking.

She nodded, her eyes flicking between you and the mirror. “I’m sure,” she breathed, her lips parting with a mix of anticipation and uncertainty.

You smiled, nodding as you guided her back to your previous position. Natasha settled onto your lap again, shifting just a bit higher onto your abs, her back pressed against your chest while the strap nestled against her stomach. The strap was secured snugly to your hips, its impressive length and girth nearly brushing her navel when she sat up straight. The sight alone made your pulse quicken, but you couldn’t help but wonder if she’d be able to take it all.

You rested your hands on her waist, offering a gentle squeeze. “Let’s go slow, okay?” you murmured, feeling the warmth of her body against yours. “We’ll take it one step at a time.”

She bit her lip nervously, her eyes wide with both eagerness and hesitation as she moved up, situated herself and began to lower herself back down. The tip of the strap nudged against her entrance, and she let out a soft gasp, her thighs trembling with the effort.

“Relax, Nat,” you whispered, guiding her down slowly. “Breathe.”

She nodded, exhaling shakily as she sank down a little more, the stretch becoming apparent as she took in the first few inches. Her brow furrowed, her body tensing as she tried to adjust to the sensation. “It’s... it’s so big,” she stammered, her voice laced with both excitement and uncertainty.

“I know, sweetheart,” you reassured her, your hands steady on her waist. “You don’t have to take it all at once. Just take what you can.”

Natasha’s breath hitched as she lowered herself a bit more, her body stretching around the strap. The burn of the stretch was evident in the way her thighs quivered and her soft whimpers filled the air. She could barely take a quarter of it, and even then, she paused, her chest heaving with effort. The sheer girth of the strap made it appear enormous, and you were astonished she was able to take this much of you.

“You’re doing so well, Natty,” you praised, your voice gentle but filled with pride. “You don’t have to rush. You’re perfect like this.”

She exhaled slowly, nodding as she leaned back against you. “It feels... different,” she murmured, her hands gripping your arms for support. “But I like it. I just... I want to take more.”

Your breath caught at her words. “You will,” you said softly, brushing your lips against her shoulder. “But let’s go at your pace.”

For a few moments, she stayed there, hovering on the strap, her body adjusting to the stretch. The sight of her reflection in the mirror—her flushed cheeks, her parted lips, the way her body clung to the strap—was almost too much to handle. But you stayed focused, rubbing gentle circles into her hips to keep her grounded.

Then, as if something shifted in her, Natasha began to move again, slowly lowering herself down further. Inch by inch, she took more of you, her body trembling with the effort but her determination unwavering. You could feel her pulse around you, the heat of her arousal making every movement slicker, easier. Still, she hadn’t taken it all—just over halfway—and the sight of the strap glistening as it nestled within her was mesmerising. The sight of her slick coating the parts she hadn’t taken yet had you hypnotised, utterly drunk on desire.

“I... I can feel it,” she whimpered, her voice breathy and thick with pleasure. “I think I can take more.”

“You’re doing so well,” you murmured against her ear, your hands holding her steady as she tried to sink lower. “Just like that, Natty. You’re amazing.”

Time seemed to blur as she kept moving, her breath ragged, her movements tentative but eager. And then, after a while, you realised Natasha had been taking more and more of you. Your eyes flicked to the mirror, watching in awe as the strap slowly disappeared into her, the stretch making her body quiver with every inch.

She still hadn’t taken it all—just a quarter left—but the sight of her reflection, of how much of you was inside her, made your control slip.

“God, look at you,” you breathed, unable to hold back. Your hands slid from her waist, moving upwards to cup her breasts, kneading them gently as she moaned under your touch. “You’re so beautiful, Natty. Taking me so well.”

Her breath hitched as you massaged her breasts, her nipples hardening against your palms. “I... I’m trying so hard,” she whimpered, her voice breaking. “I want to take it all... I want to please you.”

“You are,” you reassured her, your fingers teasing her nipples as you pressed your hips up slightly, deepening the stretch. “You’re doing so good, baby. I’m so proud of you.”

Her eyes fluttered shut, her body melting into your touch. She leaned back into your chest, her head resting on your shoulder as she focused on the sensation of you filling her up. The praise made her moan, her thighs shaking as she tried to sink down even further.

“Just a little more,” you coaxed, your voice husky. “You’ve got this. You’re perfect.”

Your gaze wandered back to the mirror, entranced by the image of Natasha’s flushed, needy expression and the reflection of your bodies joined together. But then something else caught your eye—a bulge pressing against her lower stomach. It was the outline of the strap inside her, stretching her so much that it was visible through her skin.

The sight made your breath catch, something primal snapping inside you. You hadn’t even realised how far you’d pushed her, how deep the strap had gone until you saw that bulge—and it ignited a fire in you that was impossible to contain.

Your grip on her breasts tightened momentarily, then slid down to her waist again. Natasha let out a soft gasp of confusion as your hands left her chest, only to clamp down firmly on her hips, pulling her down onto you in one swift, overwhelming motion.

Her eyes flew open, a sharp cry escaping her lips as her body was forced to take the rest of the strap all at once. The sheer girth stretched her impossibly wide, her thighs trembling violently as you thrust your hips up at the same time, slamming the last bit deep into her core.

“Fuck,” you groaned, the word dripping with unrestrained lust as you felt the full weight of Natasha's body sink down onto you. The strap filled her completely, the bulge in her stomach more pronounced now as you both struggled to breathe, overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment.

“I-I can feel it,” Natasha whimpered, her voice trembling as she struggled to catch her breath. “I can feel all of you.”

“You’re doing so good, baby,” you whispered, your voice rough with desire. “Look at you... taking all of me.”

Natasha's head was against your shoulder, her eyes wide and unfocused as her entire body shook from the overwhelming sensation. She’d never felt this full before; the sensation made her feel like she was on the verge of breaking—and yet, the pleasure was undeniable. She loved it. The overwhelming stretch, the sheer size of the strap filled her in ways she’d never experienced. Her thighs shook violently, her breath coming in ragged, desperate gasps, and then you saw it—tears.

Her eyes, already glassy with pleasure, began to well as she lifted herself up and then sank fully back onto you. The tears spilled over, streaming down her flushed cheeks, her lips parted as soft, broken whimpers escaped her. She was so deep into subspace, so lost in the haze of sensation and submission that her body didn’t know how to react. All she could do was feel.

You watched her, completely captivated by the sight of her like this—so vulnerable, so beautiful, her skin glistening with sweat, her cheeks stained with tears. It made your heart ache with an almost possessive kind of affection.

“There you go,” you whispered, your voice low and tender as your hands moved from her waist to cup her cheeks, gently wiping away her tears with your fingers while using the reflection as a guide. “You’re doing so well, baby. Look at you, taking it all. You’re perfect.”

Her chest rose and fell rapidly, her breath catching in her throat as she struggled to comprehend your words. The praise washed over her like a warm blanket, pulling her deeper into that fuzzy, blissed-out space. But the tears didn’t stop. If anything, they flowed even more freely now, her lips quivering as she let out another soft sob.

“Too much?” you asked, though you knew from the way her body clung to yours, the way she kept sinking down further and further, that she wasn’t going to stop. “Or do you like it, hmm? You like being so full of me?”

Her response was almost incoherent, a soft whimper and a nod, her head lolling against your shoulder as she tried to gather herself. The praise was affecting her so deeply, every word sinking into her foggy brain and amplifying the pleasure until she didn’t know what to do with herself.

But then you leaned closer, your lips brushing against her ear, and you let your voice dip into something more commanding, more degrading.

“Look at you,” you murmured, your tone taking on a sharper edge. “Crying just because you’re so full. You’re such a pretty little thing, aren’t you? You can barely handle it, and yet here you are... taking all of me like a good girl.”

Natasha whimpered again, her entire body flushing deep red as the words cut through the haze in her mind. She didn’t fully understand them—her brain was too fuzzy, too far gone—but the tone, the way you said it, made her blush even harder. It was a mix of praise and something else, something darker, and it sent shivers down her spine.

“I... I’m trying,” she mumbled, her voice shaky, her lips trembling. “I’m trying so hard to be good.”

“You are good,” you reassured her, your hands moving back to her waist again, gripping her firmly as you pulled her down onto the strap again. “You’re so fucking good, Nat. So perfect for me. Taking it all like such a good girl.”

Her breath hitched as you moved her, her body too weak to resist, too deep in the pleasure to even think of stopping you. Her mind was spinning, her body trembling, and the tears kept flowing. She didn’t even know why she was crying anymore. Maybe it was the overwhelming sensation of being filled so completely, or maybe it was the praise that made her heart ache with need.

“You’re so beautiful,” you continued, your voice softer now as you kissed the side of her neck, your hands still guiding her hips. “So beautiful when you cry for me.”

The tears kept coming, her body shaking with quiet sobs, but her hips kept moving, kept following your lead as you pushed her down again and again. She didn’t stop, didn’t want to stop. The pain and pleasure mixed together, a heady cocktail of sensations that had her spiralling deeper into submission.

“I don’t know if you can take me much longer,” you teased, your lips brushing against her ear as you spoke. “But you want to, don’t you? You want to be good for me.”

Natasha could barely form a response now, her head spinning with the intensity of it all. She nodded, her cheeks burning with embarrassment and need, her brain too fuzzy to process everything. But she knew one thing for certain: she wanted to make you happy. She wanted to please you, even if it meant pushing herself to the edge of her limits, even further than now.

“Yes,” she whimpered, her voice barely a whisper, her head falling back against your shoulder. “I want to... I want to make you happy.”

“You are,” you murmured, your tone laced with approval as you squeezed her waist, your eyes glued to her reflection in the mirror. “You’re making me so happy, sweet angel. Look at yourself. Look how good you’re doing.”

Her gaze flicked to the mirror, and she moaned at the sight. The strap pushed deep inside her, creating a visible bulge in her stomach that moved with each thrust. Her skin was flushed, hair damp with sweat, and her cheeks streaked with tears. She looked completely wrecked—and yet, so incredibly beautiful.

“You see that?” you asked, your voice thick with lust as your hands slid up her stomach, pressing down on the bulge gently. “Look how full you are, baby. You’re so perfect like this.”

The praise, the sensation, everything was too much for her. Natasha’s mind was a blur of pleasure and pain, her body stretched beyond what she thought she could take, and yet she wanted more. She needed more. Even if her body was trembling, even if the tears wouldn’t stop, she needed to make you proud.

“I’m... I’m so full,” she whimpered, her hands resting right above yours on her lower stomach, feeling the bulge there, her face bright red as she looked at herself in the mirror. “It’s so much...”

“You can take it,” you growled, your hands moving from her waist to her breasts, massaging them roughly as you thrust your hips up again. “You’ve already taken all of me, Nat. You’re doing so good. So fucking good.”

The praise hit her like a tidal wave, making her moan as her body convulsed in your lap. She was too far gone to even process the words properly, her brain fuzzy and overwhelmed, but she nodded anyway, tears still streaming down her cheeks as she whispered, “Thank you...”

“Such a good girl,” you purred, your hands squeezing her breasts as your lips brushed against her ear again. “You love this, don’t you? Being full, being praised... You’re perfect, Nat. Absolutely perfect.”

Her body trembled at the words, her eyes fluttering shut as she let out a soft, broken sob. She didn’t know how to respond, didn’t know how to process all the feelings swirling inside her, but one thing stayed clear in her mind—she wanted to make you proud. She needed to. And she would.

Natasha’s body shuddered violently, her breath hitching in sharp, desperate gasps as she tried to stay grounded. But you could feel the way she was clenching around you, her inner muscles spasming uncontrollably as her body teetered on the edge.

You shifted your hips upward, thrusting the strap even deeper inside her. The rough movement sent a jolt through her entire body, and that was it—Natasha couldn’t hold on any longer. Her third orgasm ripped through her with devastating force, her legs trembling uncontrollably as she let out a loud, broken moan, her body convulsing in your lap.

“There it is,” you murmured, your voice thick with satisfaction as your hands tightened on her waist. “That’s it, Nat. You feel so good when you come for me.”

Natasha’s head lolled back against your shoulder, her body sagging against yours as she came hard, her walls tightening around the strap, her muscles clenching and releasing in frantic waves. Her hands scrabbled for purchase, one gripping your thigh while the other pressed against the mirror as if trying to steady herself, but she couldn’t. She was completely lost in it.

The tears that were already spilling down her cheeks came faster now, mingling with the sweat that coated her skin, her lips trembling as sobs of pleasure wracked her body. She was overwhelmed, her mind completely submerged in the sensation, but even through the haze of subspace, she kept moving—kept riding your strap, desperate to please you, desperate to be good.

“There you go,” you whispered, guiding her gently as she shook in your lap. “Just let go. I’ve got you.”

The praise sent another wave of pleasure crashing through her, and she moaned, her body responding without thought, without control. Her hips bucked, the muscles in her thighs spasming as her fourth orgasm hit her before she had fully come down from the previous one. It was too much. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t stop her body from convulsing as she rode out the wave after wave of pleasure that seemed to keep rolling through her.

“Oh god, oh god,” Natasha gasped, her voice barely audible between her sobs. “I can’t... I can’t stop...”

“You don’t need to stop,” you reassured her, your voice low and soothing even as your hands gripped her tighter, pulling her back onto your strap as she tried to squirm away from the overwhelming sensation. “You’re doing so good, baby. You’re perfect.”

Her sobs turned to wails, absolute filth escaping her mouth, her entire body trembling as her next orgasm crashed into her like a tidal wave. She couldn’t hold herself together anymore, her body completely out of her control. Her hips jerked, moving on instinct as she ground down against you, her walls squeezing the strap so tightly that you could feel the tension all the way through your core.

The sight of her in the mirror drove you wild—the way her stomach bulged from the size of the strap, her breasts bouncing with each desperate movement, and the tears that continued to spill down her cheeks. She looked utterly destroyed, so beautifully wrecked, her skin flushed and glistening, her lips parted as broken moans and whimpers slipped from her mouth.

“Fuck, look at you,” you growled, your hands exploring every inch of her skin, fingers digging into her softness as you continued to thrust deeper with increasing force. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Nat. You’re so full.”

Natasha just whimpered, her breath hitching as her body responded to your rougher touch. She was so deep in subspace now, so far gone, that she couldn’t even register the words you were saying, but she could feel them—the way they made her body react, the way her muscles tightened and trembled under your hands. She nodded, her head falling forward, her eyes glassy and distant as she let out another soft sob.

“I... I want to be good,” she whispered, her voice barely a breath as she tried to steady herself. “I want... I want to make you happy.”

“You are good,” you whispered back, your voice a mix of praise and possessiveness as you kept pulling her down harder onto the strap. “You’re fucking perfect, Nat. You’re making me so proud.”

The praise sent another wave of pleasure crashing through her, and suddenly, Natasha was coming again—her body convulsing in your lap as her next orgasm hit her with even more intensity than the last. Her hands pressed against the mirror, her palms flat against the glass as she sobbed, her entire body trembling uncontrollably.

“You’re doing so good,” you murmured, your hands sliding up from her waist to her breasts again, squeezing them as she convulsed in your lap. “Look at you. Look at how beautiful you are when you come.”

Natasha’s eyes fluttered open, her gaze fixing on the mirror, and the sight of herself—flushed, sweaty, tear-streaked, and utterly wrecked—sent another shudder through her. She moaned, her hips jerking as her body tried to keep up with the pleasure, her mind too fuzzy to process it all.

“I... I still can’t stop,” she whimpered, her voice thick with need. “It’s too much...”

“I know, baby,” you cooed, your voice dripping with approval as you massaged her breasts, your thumbs brushing over her nipples. “You’re doing so good. Just let go. Let me take care of you.”

Her body obeyed without question, her hips moving on their own as she sank down onto the strap again, her walls clenching around it as another orgasm built inside her. She was completely lost to it now, her mind a haze of pleasure and submission, her body trembling as she came again and again, each orgasm rolling into the next until she didn’t know where one ended and the other began.

“Such a good girl,” you murmured, your hands sliding down to her waist again as you thrust up into her with more force. “You’re taking me so well, Nat. You’re perfect.”

Natasha’s response was a soft, broken sob, her body collapsing against you as the pleasure overwhelmed her completely. She was gone, completely lost in subspace, her mind a blur of sensations and praise, and all she could do was ride it out, her body trembling in your lap as you guided her through each wave of pleasure.

Natasha’s body continued to tremble against yours, her breath coming in ragged, shallow gasps, her chest heaving with the effort. The storm of pleasure was still coursing through her, but her hips had stilled, no longer able to move after the relentless waves of orgasms that had wracked her body.

You could feel the twitching of her muscles, the way her body clenched around the strap still buried deep inside her, but she wasn’t grinding and you weren’t thrusting anymore. She was utterly spent, her head resting against your shoulder, her tears still trickling down her flushed cheeks as she tried to catch her breath.

Gently, you loosened your grip on her waist, moving your hands with deliberate care as you wrapped your arms around her trembling form. Natasha whimpered softly as you pulled her close, her body still so sensitive, every slight movement sending aftershocks rippling through her.

“It’s okay,” you whispered, your voice soft and soothing now, a stark contrast to the intensity that had filled the air just moments before. “You did so good, Natty baby. Just breathe.”

Natasha’s body relaxed a little in your hold, though she was still shaking, her limbs twitching with the lingering ecstasy that coursed through her. She made a small, broken sound—half a sob, half a whimper—as her body gave in fully, collapsing against you, completely spent. You cradled her carefully, holding her close, one hand stroking her arm while the other stayed on her breast, grounding her in your touch.

“I’ve got you,” you whispered again, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. “You’re safe. You’re perfect.”

She let out a shaky breath, her head lolling to the side as her eyes fluttered closed, her mind still foggy from the intensity of everything. You could feel the way her heartbeat was gradually slowing, the frantic rhythm calming as you continued to hold her, shushing her softly, letting her know she wasn’t alone in this vulnerable moment.

Your hand on her breast moved gently, tracing soft circles around her nipple, a grounding sensation to remind her she was safe in your arms. Her body twitched under your touch, her chest still heaving, but she didn’t try to move away. She stayed nestled against you, letting the warmth of your embrace calm her.

“You’re okay, Natty,” you murmured softly, your lips brushing against her ear. “Just stay with me. I’ve got you.”

She nodded weakly, her body sagging further into your lap, her legs spread open as she remained impaled on the strap. It was a quiet, intimate moment now—no longer about the intensity of lust but about something deeper, more tender. Her body was twitching from the aftershocks, the occasional clench around the strap still reminding you of how deep you were inside her, but she wasn’t trying to take more. She was just… being.

Natasha let out another shaky breath, her fingers gripping your arm as if to anchor herself. The tears that had been flowing earlier were slowing, but her face remained wet, her cheeks flushed and streaked with saltwater. You watched her closely in the mirror, your gaze softening as you took in the sight of her—completely vulnerable, completely yours.

“There you go,” you whispered, brushing your thumb gently across her cheek, wiping away the remnants of her tears. “You’re so beautiful, Natty. So perfect.”

She whimpered softly at the praise, her eyes fluttering open for just a moment before they closed again. Her breathing was slowly evening out, the shaky gasps becoming steadier as you held her close, your hands moving in gentle, soothing motions. You could feel her muscles slowly unclenching, her body relaxing into you, no longer overwhelmed by the intensity of the pleasure.

“It’s okay now,” you whispered, resting your chin on her shoulder as you held her tighter. “Just breathe with me.”

You stayed like that for a while, the two of you wrapped in each other, the room filled with nothing but the sound of your quiet breaths and the faint hum of the world outside. The strap was still inside her, but it was a comfort—something grounding for her as she came down from the high of subspace.

Natasha’s body, though still trembling, seemed to relax even further, her head turning slightly as she nestled into your neck. She was quiet now, her soft whimpers replaced with gentle sighs, her body twitching occasionally but no longer driven by the need to move. She was content to just be held, to let you take care of her.

You pressed another soft kiss to her hair, your hands still stroking her arms and chest, reminding her that you were there—that you had her.

“You’re so good for me,” you whispered, your voice barely audible now, a quiet affirmation that she didn’t need to do anything more. “So perfect, Nat. I’m so proud of you.”

Her response was a quiet, barely-there hum, her body settling even more as she melted into your embrace. The tension was gone now, replaced with a soft, languid peace that settled over both of you. You could feel the steady rhythm of her breathing, the way her back moved against yours, and it grounded you just as much as it did her.

You cradled Natasha in your arms for what felt like forever, the quiet comfort between you speaking louder than any words. She was completely limp, her body heavy against yours, her breaths soft and steady now.

After a while, you pressed a soft kiss to her temple and whispered gently, “I should clean you up, baby. Let me run you a bath.”

Natasha hummed in disagreement, her head shaking slightly as she leaned further into you, her eyes still closed. She wasn’t ready to move, wasn’t ready to let go of the feeling of you inside her, keeping her grounded and safe. You smiled softly at her stubbornness, her bratty behaviour making you shake your head in amusement. The bulge in her stomach, still there and almost casual now, was like a silent reminder that this wasn’t the last time something like this would happen whenever she decided to brat out.

You chuckled again, warmth spreading through your chest. She was so beautiful, so perfect, and you loved her even more in these quiet, vulnerable moments.

“Alright, alright,” you murmured, running your hand gently along her side, “we’ll stay here for a bit longer. But when you’re ready, I’m cleaning you up.”

Natasha didn’t respond, just snuggled deeper into you, her body still. Her face was completely relaxed, her lips parted slightly as she rested against you, lost in the lingering haze of subspace. You held her close, stroking her arm softly as you watched the slow rise and fall of her chest, content to stay like this for as long as she needed.

It was about ten minutes later when you felt her stir. A faint wince crossed her face as she shifted in your lap, her muscles clearly starting to ache after the intense session. She let out a small, pained whimper, her brow furrowing as she tried to move slightly, the soreness settling in.

You kissed her head gently, your voice soft and reassuring. “Ready for that bath now?”

This time, she didn’t protest. She nodded weakly, her eyes still closed but her body slowly coming back to her as she let out a quiet, “Mhm.”

You helped her sit up, your hands gentle as you guided her, though even the small movement made her wince again. As Natasha began to lift herself off the strap, you couldn’t help but groan at the sight. She was slightly gaping, her body clearly feeling the aftereffects of the stretch, and the sight was enough to make your stomach twist with desire all over again.

Natasha blushed deeply, her cheeks flushed a soft pink as she noticed your reaction. You saw her glance in the mirror, catching the way her body looked before quickly averting her gaze, embarrassed but unable to hide the small, sheepish smile playing on her lips.

“You’re beautiful,” you murmured, your voice a little rough from the sight of her. Natasha’s blush deepened, and she looked away again, biting her lip in that shy, adorable way she did when she was overwhelmed with praise.

You discarded the toy to the side, knowing you’d deal with it later. Right now, Natasha was your priority, and aftercare was the only thing on your mind.

“Come here, Nat,” you whispered, helping her to her feet and wrapping an arm around her waist to support her. She wobbled slightly, her legs weak from the intensity of everything, but you held her steady, guiding her slowly toward the bathroom.

Once you had the bath running, you sat her down on the edge of the tub, kneeling in front of her as you gently cleaned her up, wiping away the remnants of the session with a soft, damp cloth. Natasha was quiet, her eyes half-lidded as she watched you with a tired, hazy gaze, her body still relaxed in the warmth of your presence.

“You’re doing so good,” you murmured as you cleaned her, your hands gentle and careful. “I’m so proud of you, Nat.”

She let out a soft hum in response, her cheeks still a little pink from earlier, but she didn’t try to speak. She was too exhausted, too deep in the afterglow to do anything but watch you with that sleepy, content look on her face.

Once the bath was ready, you helped her into the warm water, holding her hand as she slowly sank into the tub, a sigh of relief escaping her lips as the heat soothed her aching muscles. You stayed by her side, your fingers tracing soft patterns along her arm, watching as she closed her eyes and leaned back against the edge of the tub.

“Are you feeling better?” you asked softly, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

Natasha nodded, her lips curving into a small, tired smile. “Mhm,” she mumbled, her voice soft but hoarse from all the moaning and gasping earlier.

You chuckled, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. “Good.”

For the next while, you stayed with her, washing her hair gently, your hands careful as you massaged her scalp, the soothing motions helping to relax her even more. Natasha let out quiet, contented sighs every now and then, her body completely at ease in your care.

When the bath was over, you wrapped her in a soft towel, drying her off gently before helping her into a comfortable, oversized shirt. She was still quiet, her movements slow and sleepy, but she leaned into your touch every chance she got, seeking out your warmth and comfort.

You led her back to the bedroom, guiding her under the covers before climbing in beside her. As soon as you settled in, Natasha curled into your side, her head resting on your chest, her arms wrapping around you as she let out a soft, contented sigh.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice barely audible, but the gratitude in her tone was clear.

You smiled, wrapping your arms around her and holding her close. “Always, Natty,” you murmured, pressing a soft kiss to her hair. “I’ll always take care of you.”

She hummed softly in response, already drifting off to sleep in your arms, her body finally fully at peace.

a/n- i need to start writing shorter fics oh my god. thanks for reading!

[uns4lted]

ꜱᴏ ʜɪɢʜ ꜱᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ᴡ/ ɪꜱᴀɢɪ ʏᴏɪᴄʜɪ, ʜɪᴏʀɪ ʏᴏ, & ᴋᴜʀᴏɴᴀ ʀᴀɴᴢᴇ

characters: blue lock pairings: isagi yoichi x gn! reader, hiori yo x gn! reader, kurona x gn! reader genre: fluff a/n: i knew i had to make a drabble out of these three cause i swear they are so underrated and they deserve some love! this drabble is inspired by taylor swift's so high school <3

── .✦ isagi yoichi

You spot Isagi in the hallway before he sees you—he always does this thing where he runs a hand through his hair as he laughs with his friends. You don’t even realize you’re staring until your heart skips a beat, and suddenly, you’re pulling your gaze away. It’s like clockwork, how you want to find him in the crowd just so you can disappear the moment his eyes might meet yours.

There he is, talking about practice, the next big game, his goals—always something about soccer. You know you should focus on your own life, your own worries, but whenever Isagi’s around, it’s like the noise fades, leaving just him. And it’s not like you want to talk to him, not exactly. It’s safer like this, hiding in plain sight, watching him from a distance where your feelings can’t betray you.

As you walk down the hall, you sneak one last glance over your shoulder. Isagi’s still talking, laughing, completely unaware of the effect he has on you. And honestly? Just seeing him like this—handsome, confident, and so captivating—makes your heart race every time, even if he doesn’t notice. Maybe one day, you’ll be brave enough to let him.

── .✦ hiori yo

You’re sitting cross-legged on the floor of Hiori’s living room, a controller in your hands, trying to keep up with the chaos on the screen. Isagi and Nanase are completely absorbed in the game, their voices rising as they shout strategies at each other in a heated multiplayer match. But you? You can barely focus.

Hiori is sitting next to you on the couch, closer than necessary, his knee brushing against yours every time he shifts. The room feels warmer than it should, the weight of his presence making it impossible to concentrate.

“Hey, try this,” Hiori says, leaning in to show you something on the controller. His hand covers yours for just a moment, fingers brushing your skin, and you freeze.

Your heart does a little flip as his hand lingers for a second longer than it should. You glance up at him, but he’s still focused on the game, his face calm and casual, as if he didn’t just light a fire under your skin with that small touch.

Isagi is yelling something about strategy, Nanase is laughing, and all you can think about is the way Hiori’s fingers graze yours again. This time, it’s intentional—his pinky hooks around yours as if testing the waters. You try to stay cool, your heart racing, praying that neither Isagi nor Nanase notices what’s happening right beside them.

But they’re too busy with the game, and you’re too distracted to care. The world outside the screen fades as Hiori’s hand subtly, slowly, finds yours. It’s like the smallest secret between the two of you, hidden in plain sight, while his friends remain clueless.

It’s just a game, you remind yourself. But somehow, Hiori’s touch makes it feel like so much more.

── .✦ kurona ranze

The night was quiet, just the two of you sitting close under the twinkling lights of the park. There wasn’t much conversation, but that was how it always was with Kurona. He didn’t need to fill the silence with words; he just had a way of making you feel like you belonged, even without saying much.

Your fingers brushed against his on the bench, a familiar connection that neither of you questioned anymore. It was always this subtle with him—little touches, shy glances. He wasn’t loud about his feelings, but they were there, humming softly between you both.

“Kurona,” you broke the stillness, your voice soft. “Tell me about the first time you saw me.”

His head turned slightly, his eyes widening just a bit, like he hadn’t expected you to ask that. He was quiet, as usual, but you could see the faint color rising in his cheeks, the way his gaze darted away for a second. He always got like this when it came to feelings—unsure, but not because he didn’t know what he felt. Just because he wasn’t used to speaking them out loud.

He hesitated for a moment, fingers twitching beside yours before he gathered the courage to entwine them fully. “The first time?” His voice was barely above a whisper, but it was steady, even though you could see the blush deepening. “I… I noticed you right away.”

Kurona looked down, trying to find the right words. “You were with your friends, laughing about something. I remember thinking… I wanted to hear you laugh again. To see you smile more.” His thumb brushed against the back of your hand, a nervous gesture. “But I didn’t know how to approach you. You always seemed so… out of reach.”

You smiled softly, feeling your own heart speed up at his confession. “And now?”

His eyes met yours again, and though his cheeks were still flushed, there was a calm sincerity in his gaze. “Now? I… don’t feel like that anymore.” He paused, then added, voice softer, “Now, I don’t want to imagine a day without you in it.”

You squeezed his hand, feeling the warmth of his shy but genuine affection. Kurona might not always have the words, but in moments like this, he didn’t need them. You could feel everything he wasn’t saying.

will be making another so high school pt. 2 w/ chigiri, nagi, & bachira! likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated!

[lxvsiick]

KISS ME RIGHT | MYUNG JAEHYUN

PAIRING: down bad! frat boy! myung jaehyun x library worker! fem! reader 

SUMMARY: Jaehyung goes to the library everyday to see Y/n even though he's never touched a book in his life.

GENRE: fluff, imagine, frat boy

WORDCOUNT: 2k

WARNING: kissing scene towards the end!

A/N: Inspired by KISS ME RIGHT by Keshi -- the song is finally out! i've been waiting ever since his last tour ,, this song reminds of jaehyun’s flirty personality so ENJOY!

The double doors of the library swung open with an exaggerated flair, and every head inside turned like it was a reflex. There he was again—Jaehyun, in all his glory. Hair tousled like he'd just come from the gym, a hoodie slung over his shoulder, and that ridiculous smile that could charm the paint off the walls. He strutted into the library like it was the hottest club on campus, and not the quietest place within a ten-mile radius.

Whispers buzzed through the aisles.

"Is that Jaehyun again?"

"Does he even know what a book is?"

"Bro, he’s here every day now. Do you think he lost a bet?"

But Jaehyun didn’t care. He barely noticed the stares anymore. All he cared about was making his way to the front desk, where Y/n sat. She looked calm, focused, her fingers flying over the keyboard, the glow from her computer screen highlighting her face. She didn’t even look up as he approached.

Jaehyun cleared his throat a little too loudly, startling a student reading in the corner.

"Yo, uh... hey," he said, trying to sound casual, like he hadn’t spent the last twenty minutes rehearsing those two words in his head.

She finally glanced up, her brow furrowed in mild confusion. It was like she was wondering why this human embodiment of a golden retriever was trying to infiltrate her serene library world.

"You’re here again?" she asked, her voice neutral but with a hint of amusement.

Jaehyun rubbed the back of his neck, his usual swagger deflating slightly under her gaze. But he quickly recovered, flashing that winning smile that got him into any party, out of any trouble, and, hopefully, into her good graces.

"Yeah, you know... studying and stuff."

She raised an eyebrow, glancing at the completely empty table he had staked out for himself behind her. No books. No laptop. Not even a notebook. Just him, spinning a pen between his fingers like he was preparing for the next big test in... nothing.

"Studying?" she echoed, clearly unconvinced.

"Yeah, you know... brushing up on... the Dewey Decimal System." He threw in a dramatic wink, like it was the cleverest thing anyone had ever said about libraries.

She didn’t laugh, but there was a tiny, almost imperceptible quirk of her lips. Success.

"Right. Well, let me know if you need help finding a book... or learning how to read." Her voice was dry, and Jaehyun's grin widened.

"Ouch, brutal," he chuckled, his face lighting up like she had just complimented him.

She turned back to her screen, though he could tell she wasn’t entirely brushing him off. That was all the encouragement he needed. Without another word, he made his way to his usual table—smack in the middle of her line of sight. He didn’t sit like a regular person. He flopped down with a dramatic sigh, then spread out across the chair like he was getting ready for a nap, not a study session.

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍵 ⋅

From her seat, Y/n could feel his presence, like a beam of sunshine she wasn’t sure she needed right now. Every time she glanced up, there he was, pretending to flip through the pages of some random book he’d grabbed. Every few minutes, he'd peek over the top of the pages to check if she was looking.

At one point, Taesan and Leehan walked by and nearly stopped in their tracks when they saw Jaehyun actually holding a book. Leehan nudged Taesan, eyes wide in disbelief.

"Dude, I think he’s... reading?"

Taesan snorted. "Nah, he's definitely planning something. Probably trying to get out of doing chores at the frat house."

Jaehyun pretended not to hear them, but he couldn’t help shooting a quick grin their way. Let them talk. He was on a mission—a mission that involved far more staring at Y/n than reading anything resembling words.

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍵 ⋅

As the library’s closing time approached, the once-crowded space thinned out. Y/n was busy packing up her things behind the desk, when she noticed Jaehyun still lounging in his seat, scrolling through his phone. Everyone else had left, but he lingered like he had all the time in the world.

She walked over, standing at his table, crossing her arms with a bemused expression. "You know we’re closing, right?"

He glanced up, his puppy-like enthusiasm returning as if she’d just thrown him a bone. "Oh, yeah, totally. Just waiting for the right moment to—" He glanced down at the book in front of him and then looked back up, suddenly sheepish. "—check this out. For... studying. You know, tomorrow."

She shook her head, but this time, the smile she’d been holding back all day finally broke through.

"You’re hopeless."

He stood up, grinning ear-to-ear. "Nah, just... committed."

She raised an eyebrow, a challenge in her eyes. "To studying?"

He stepped closer, playful but serious. "To you."

For a second, there was nothing but the sound of the quiet, empty library around them. Then she laughed—soft, real. And in that moment, he knew every second of pretending to study had been worth it.

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍵 ⋅

The bass from the speakers thumped through the walls of the frat house as Jaehyun stood near the kitchen, laughing with his friends. Red Solo cups in hand, they exchanged stories from the week, loud banter filling the air. Jaehyun was mid-sentence when something—or rather, someone—caught his eye.

Out of the corner of his vision, Y/n stepped through the front door, her figure silhouetted against the dim lights of the hallway. She was wearing a sleek black dress that hugged her frame just right, her hair falling in waves over her shoulders. The noise of the party seemed to dull in his ears. He froze, his eyes locked onto her as if the world had slowed down just for a moment.

His friends continued chatting around him, oblivious to his trance.

"Yo, bro... hello?" Sungho waved a hand in front of his face. Jaehyun blinked but didn’t move.

"Earth to Jaehyun! What are you staring at, man?" Sohee nudged him, noticing where his eyes were glued.

His heart pounded in his chest, his mind still trying to process how she—Y/n—was here, in this chaos of beer pong and blaring music. She didn’t belong here, but she looked so effortlessly out of place, it was almost unfair.

"Bro, you good?" Hanbin laughed, realizing why he was distracted. "Dude’s done for, he’s totally smitten."

Jaehyun shook his head, snapping out of it. He chuckled awkwardly, trying to act nonchalant. "Yeah, uh, I’ll catch you guys later." He set his cup down on the counter and started weaving his way through the crowd toward her, his pulse quickening with every step.

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍵 ⋅

As he neared her, she looked around the room, clearly unfamiliar with the party vibe. Her eyes landed on him, and she smiled, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes. He stopped a few feet away, his voice unsteady.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, more confused than anything. "Who invited you?"

She raised an eyebrow at his tone, folding her arms over her chest. "Jake invited me. I thought it might be fun." Her voice was cool, as if his question wasn’t welcome.

A flare of jealousy twisted in his gut, and he frowned, glancing around the room, wondering why Jake had to ask her. "You should’ve said no to him. This isn't your scene." His voice came out sharper than he intended, his frustration laced in every word.

Y/n scoffed, clearly annoyed. "Excuse me? You don’t get to tell me what I should or shouldn’t do." She took a step closer, her gaze hardening. "I didn’t come here for Jake. I came because I wanted to see you. But if this is how you're gonna act, maybe it was a mistake." Her voice cut through the noise, her disappointment evident.

Before he could even respond, she turned on her heel, moving deeper into the house, disappearing into the crowd of bodies and flashing lights. He stood there, dumbfounded, replaying her words in his head. She came to see him.

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍵 ⋅

His heart sank. He felt like an idiot. Without wasting another second, he pushed his way through the throng of people, his mind racing. How could he have messed up so badly in just one conversation?

"Hey, have you seen—" he asked one person, cutting himself off as he realized they didn’t know who he was talking about. He scanned the dance floor, the kitchen, even outside by the keg, but she was nowhere in sight. His frustration grew with every passing second.

He was a guy who could read a room, crack a joke, keep the vibe light. But right now? He was frantic. His friends slapped him on the back as he passed, asking him what was up, but he brushed them off. He couldn’t let her leave thinking that was all he had to say—that she wasn’t welcome here, when in reality, she was the only person he wanted to be around.

Finally, after what felt like hours but was really just a few intense minutes, he spotted her standing near the back patio, her arms crossed as she talked with a couple of people. She looked frustrated, her foot tapping lightly against the ground.

Jaehyun took a deep breath, steeling himself, and made his way over to her, determined to make things right.

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍵 ⋅

Jaehyun took a deep breath, steeling himself, and made his way over to her, determined to make things right. 

As he approached, the people around her seemed to sense the tension, exchanging glances before slowly stepping back, leaving the two of them alone in the middle of the patio. The noise around them faded into the background.

Jaehyun opened his mouth, but nothing came out at first. Then the words just spilled out.

"I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak out earlier. I was just... I don’t know, I saw you in that dress and... and then when you said you came to see me and not because of Jake, I just—" He paused, his hands gesturing wildly as he tried to find the right words. "I got jealous. It was dumb. I shouldn’t have said you shouldn’t be here, because I want you here. Like, I always want you here, not just at parties, but anywhere, and I—" He was rambling now, his thoughts tripping over each other in his rush to explain.

"—I just, I like you. A lot. And I don’t know how to deal with that sometimes. You’re... you’re like this amazing person, and I’m just the guy who’s pretending to study just so I can see you, and that probably sounds stupid, but—" He was talking faster, his words stumbling over each other. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he wasn’t even sure if he was making sense anymore.

Suddenly, Y/n stepped closer, cutting him off mid-sentence. Without saying a word, she stood on her tiptoes, leaning in.

Before he could process what was happening, her lips met his.

Time seemed to stop. His heart did a somersault, and his thoughts went blank. Her kiss was soft, brief, but it left him utterly frozen, like his brain couldn’t catch up with what just happened.

When she pulled back, Jaehyun stood there, completely stunned, his eyes wide and mouth slightly open as he tried to make sense of reality. For a moment, it was as though his whole world had paused.

Y/n looked at him and burst into laughter—an easy, melodic sound that broke through the tension. "You should see your face right now," she teased.

Her laughter snapped him out of his trance. His shocked expression melted into a grin, his heart racing for an entirely different reason now.

"Wait, you—" he started, his voice trailing off in disbelief.

She smiled, stepping closer again, her gaze soft but teasing. "Yeah, I like you too. Even if you pretend to read at the library every day." She gave him a playful nudge.

A flood of relief and pure happiness washed over him, and without thinking, he closed the gap between them, gently cupping her face and bringing his lips to hers once more. This time, the kiss was slower, more deliberate, like he wanted to savor every second of it. He could feel the smile on her lips, and it made him grin into the kiss.

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍵 ⋅

MASTERLIST

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, lxvsiick, 2024

[katerinaaqu]

Ismarus! Ismarus!

Another random inspiration I dedicate to my friend @artsofmetamoor Title inspired by the cry of Alexander the Great's army when they ellegedly telled "Thalatta! Thalatta!" ("Sea! Sea!") out of delight to reach the sea while here it is spoken in a different manner altogether

Odysseus was feeling his stomach unsettled and that was not normal for a man like him who as used at the movements of the ship. The storm was very severe after they left Troy. Perhaps, though, it wasn’t the storm itself that made him feel seasick but rather the timing of it and the conditions that brought the storm to their way.

“The storm happened right after the departure from Troy…divided us. Gods, this godsforsaken war! Blasted war!”

He remembered he prayed to Athena for forgiveness on the events that occurred at Troy. His brain was still turning like the top making his already turning stomach even more unsettled than it should be. All the scenarios, all the “what if”s and “what if not”s were roaming around his mind like the voices in the nightmares he was getting!

“I should have said something!” he thought for a billionth time to himself, “That girl was innocent! Blasted Achilles! Blasted Neoptolemus! Blasted war! I should have said something in the council! I should have stopped them! Agamemnon tried! Why not I? Why not I?”

For some reason he was numb; the massacre of Troy had taken all life out of him. Upon the news of the interpretation given by Calchas that the spirit of Achilles demanded his own tribute, Odysseus couldn’t react. He couldn’t say a single word of objection to the council. He had found no reason or energy to oppose anymore… He remembered Polyxena, the way her eyes became glassy with death as Neoptolemous pierced a knife through her tender heart. He remembered he had to hold her down. He realized all he could do was to plead for them to give her a painless death! Hecuba went mad in sorrow in his arms…he still remembered her screams! He still remembered the cries of Astyanax as he fell off the walls…he remembered the accusations of Andromache at Troy! His stomach turned again and this time he couldn’t keep it in. He leaned to the edge of the ship to throw up whatever contents he had left in his stomach (which wasn’t much, he noticed. He barely had some acid in there for they hadn’t eaten anything for days because of the storm!). He felt Polites’s arms to his shoulders.

“You okay?”

“Yeah…” Odysseus lied mopping his mouth with his hand, “It is this blasted storm! And we haven’t eaten anything for days. That is not good for seasickness…”

His lie came easily to his lips. Many of his men also suffered after all so it wasn’t completely unbelievable. Polites nodded as well so that would be enough for now (even though he knew Polites had heard him moan in his sleep many times over as nightmares plundered his mind ever since the sacking of Troy or the events that followed it). He looked around and inspected the sad condition of his companions. The storm had blown off several of their provisions too and the rich gifts from Troy, or some of them at least. They probably also lost a couple of slaves in the sea. At least he noticed all his 12 ships were together so their fleet wasn’t divided from their own, even if he lost sight of all the other fleets of the Greek army.

“The gods are angry! Gods please…please have mercy on me! I just…wanted to go home… I didn’t know… I didn’t want any of this to happen!”

He was lying to himself and he knew it. He was ready to pay the price. Truly he never expected how high it would be but deep down he knew that just his ploy with the horse was bound to cause some anger to the gods. He just hoped that Athena, who blessed his wits with inspiration, would somehow be by his side. However after the slaughter and the human sacrifice, he couldn’t hear her voice anymore. What was worse, the winds divided them and the southern wind brought the severe storm that pushed them towards the north instead of the Aegean islands as they originally planned, so that they could travel south. And the storm had caused not only damage to the ships, but also made them lose plenty of provisions. It was obvious that they were out for some failure or some sort of a misadventure because of those.

“Blasted Troy!” he thought again, “You stole 10 of my best years! You stole my son from me, my wife and my home and now you pushed me to the edge! You made me a criminal to the eyes of my goddess! Blasted Troy I hope your ashes will never revive again! May you and your holy walls never raise their heads again like it happened after Heracles!”

“Now where the hell are we?” he wondered out loud, shading his eyes with his hand to see afar

“I do not recognize these waters…” Eurylochus said apprehensively, joining them, “I see no land around”

“But I do, look!” Odysseus pointed out

Eurylochus squinted his eyes to see (Odysseus feared that he was becoming a bit near-sighted with age. He was actually surprised his own eyes remained sharp as always). Indeed there was a land formation coming up from before them.

“You’re right!” Eurylochus said excited, “Finally we get some land to stop! Inspect the damages”

Odysseus leaned against the hull in deep thought.

“Last night the skies were dark. I couldn’t use the stars for guidance but the last time we were in Troy we had southern wind. It didn’t seem to change drastically so we should be heading north”

“You think of the island of Tenedos?” Polites asked

“No, this seems longer coastline than that. From where I am standing, looks like the mainland.”

“Hold on, are you telling me we are heading to Thrace?” Eurylochus suddenly seemed worried

“Most likely” Odysseus agreed gloomily

“Dammit!” Eurylochus mumbled, “We are heading towards enemy land again, then?”

“Perhaps. Not all Thracian tribes sided with the Trojans at the war but, truth to be told, they did support the Amazon raid. They didn’t have a reason to stand against them”

“So, in short, we’re screwed?”

“Perhaps…” Odysseus mumbled again feeling nauseous once more, “Perhaps not”

“Either way, we have no choice” Polites stated the obvious; “We need to stop to land. Our provisions are not enough to support us till the islands the way we are and we will need to inspect the hulls and ropes”

“Yeah…” Odysseus agreed, “Elpenor, jump on the craw’s nest! Your younger eyes will be useful now! Tell me what you see!”

Elpenor immediately obeyed, climbing to the mast from the ropes. He might have been the youngest but also he did have some good geography knowledge. Odysseus appreciated that. He looked towards the horizon and soon enough he could detect taller walls around a city, no doubt, surrounded with mountains. He didn’t need to have knowledge to know what it was.

“ISMARUS!” He announced on top of his lungs, “ISMARUS!”

“Shit!” Eurylochus mumbled banging the hull of the ship

Odysseus had to agree. They didn’t know much on Ismarus apart from its strategic importance for the Thracians. However he also knew that the people in it were called Cicones, the tribe of people that was spread across Thrace but called Ismarus some sort of capital city for them. He also knew they didn’t like to share their wealth with outsiders and they had no reason to like the Greeks. Quite frankly, they preferred to guarantee a safe passage to the Amazons for Troy rather than sheltering the Greeks on their way there. Once more he gagged, for some reason, causing Polites to try and support him at the sudden move but this time it was certain there was nothing in his stomach to come out so he just sighed to collect himself.

“Damn…” he mumbled more to himself than anybody else, mopping some sweat off his forehead with his hand

“Do you need some wine?”

“No, thanks Polites. I am fine. This is just a….reminder. No worries”

The land of Thrace came in sight and so did the walls of Ismarus. Odysseus could see from afar that the walls were consisted on a rough stone base and clay and wooden upper parts. He rubbed his beard in thought. He could see the smokes of the chimneys too. He couldn’t see much from inside the city itself but he noticed some clay outlines of the houses and some hay roofs like an average coastline city. It was nothing like the strong structure of Troy that was for sure. The city was built almost directly on the beach, making the position really strategic for someone who wanted to connect themselves with the sea, however the back was protected from the winds by the rough Thracian mountains. In theory it was cutting the line of escape from the people who wanted to flee from an upcoming catastrophe of their city. He gasped at his thoughts.

“What in the blasted hells of Tartarus am I thinking?! We just got out of a slaughter of a city and all I can think of is what we can use if we need to raid this place! What’s wrong with me!?”

The war was still in his system, he knew. Sacker of Cities, that’s how they called him back in Troy. Apparently he was thinking like one all the time now. Apparently his men were reading his thoughts or they were having a similar train themselves for Polites came close to him, leaning his large body next to him to the ledge.

“What do you think, Odysseus? Shall we raid this city?”

Odysseus scoffed and forced a smirk to his face.

“You just got out of war, Polites and you already fear you are losing your touch?”

“I’m just saying” Polites shrugged

“Polites is right up to one point, Odysseus” Eurylochus agreed, “The Cicones have no reason to offer us anything and they are half-barbarians. Maybe they do not know the customs of hospitality”

“Don’t they worship Apollo as their patron god?” Odysseus pointed out

“Irrelevant” Eurylochus pointed out, “They didn’t help us at the war now did they? They guaranteed passage to the enemy”

“I mean, who wouldn’t be afraid of the Amazons, Eurylochus?”

Odysseus stretched himself, breathing in the air.

“Either way we need to stop and inspect the damages. I say we send an embassy and ask for Xenia before we do something.”

“They won’t give it”

“Irrelevant. We need to go by the traditions that separate us from the barbarians, Eurylochus. If they push us too hard, we will make this place burn!”

The words came to his mouth much easier than what he thought they would. Sacker of Cities then…what people in Troy chanted about him was true after all.

“Should we announce our presence then?” Eurylochus snickered

“Oh, I am sure they know we are here. They saw us coming from a mile away! Our crimson sails are not exactly a discreet sight and they have a clear view at the sea!”

As if on the cue there was a shine or sheen of metal coming from the wall. A watchman had moved. Odysseus knew they knew they were here. So far so good, he thought, we shall tie to the bay, go about our business like nothing happens and ask for a share. If that doesn’t happen then damned this city be! They indeed beached their ships and climbed down to inspect. To their good luck most of the parts of the ship were intact. Just a few repairs to the ropes and all would be done; all would be as good as new.

“Gear up, just in case” suddenly Odysseus ordered, “We have company”

A neighing horse was what got their attention, when they managed to catch a glimpse of a man riding like the wind towards the city. Great…Odysseus thought, the meeting would happen sooner than expected. He caught a glimpse of Eurylochus reaching for his hunting bow. He stopped him with his strong hand upon the wood.

“Easy there, Eurylochus!” he said strictly, “Hold your blood lust for now and wait for it. We are being announced”

“But…we are helpless!”

“We are over 500 men experienced in war with our equipment intact. We must not act like headless chicken. But prepare yourselves just in case. Shooting the man now, will bring warriors at our steps, not ambassadors”

Apparently he was right for after a few hours, while he and his men were eating some dried fruit and bread they had with them, they heard the horses once more but this time they were more than one. Odysseus eyed them and placed the helm over his brow. He nodded to Polites and Eurylochus to come closer and to one or two captains from the other ships. They approached the riders on foot. Odysseus noticed their colorful clothing and their tattooed bodies. His resolve that they would actually give them hospitality was not determined in the first place but now he was almost certain they wouldn’t.

“Hello there!” he greeted the entourage, “I hope I am speaking to an embassy of peace. We are travelers and we seek shelter”

The man on the horse didn’t come down. He only barked some words in his dialect, which Odysseus didn’t recognize to its totality.

“Look…given that we do not speak your language and I can possibly recognize one or two words here and there, I suggest you to bring us an interpreter if we are to talk openly here”

He didn’t know if that was what his tone was doing; maybe he was coming off as more aggressive as he wanted to, the man on the horse spat at his feet. Odysseus looked up at him.

“Great…” he mumbled ironically, “This negotiation will not get us far. I seek passage for myself and my men. In the name of Zeus and Xenia. We bring gifts to exchange. We desire only provisions and hospitality”

“I will give you gifts!” said the man in his heavy Thracian accent

“Ah, marvelous. So you DO speak our language” Odysseus said mockingly again, “We are making progress”

“Your banner I recognize!” the man said again in his broken Common Greek, “You raid Troy, that did you!”

Oh shit… Odysseus thought. Our reputation precedes us. The man seemed furious.

“Outsiders have no place here. More Greeks who raided Troy!”

Odysseus’s eyes darkened. It was as if just the mere mention of Troy was bringing all his blood to his head; making his pulse practically hammering inside his eardrum.

“I understand you despise us and our nation, that much is as apparent as the sun above, my dear friend. I wouldn’t make such preposterous offer unless it was of outmost importance and a matter of survival for me and my men. You protect your city and I protect them. Our interests should be aligned instead of colliding”

Odysseus realized that war was inside him. He knew the man was not fluent in Greek so he felt like using every official or long word he knew, hoping to confuse him, impress him or piss him off even further. He didn’t know which. Apparently happened the latter for the man spat at his feet once more, glaring daggers at them.

“You and your kin go!” the Cicones ambassador roared, “We give no shelter to traitors here!”

“Careful, my dear man” Odysseus now replied feeling his patience running short, “Zeus punishes those who disobey his law! And you speak to those who, as you said, stepped their feet into the holy castle of Troy! Your little town will not be that difficult to take, that much I guarantee you!”

“Leave this place!” the man replied

He stirred his horses and trotted away. Odysseus remained silent for a second. Yes, the insult was great to take, even if he deep down knew indeed they had no reason to like them in the first place.

“Captain” Eurylochus spoke again, “Shall we gather up the captains and negotiate our next move?”

A tiny essence of smirk played to the corner of his lips. He wasn’t sure if it was some weird eagerness and battle fever or whether it was just himself being sarcastic at his own attachment to that. Either way his eyes followed the trotting entourage of Thracians going back to their city.

“Sure…why not?” he heard himself whisper.

*

“The city doesn’t seem overly protected” one of the captains pointed out, “That could indicate protection from the inside. I am not sure if I would risk a confrontation at the walls”

“I double that” another one said watching at the rough sketch of the area they drew upon the sand, “Maybe we can lure them out at the field”

“Haven’t you seen them?” Eurylochus pointed out, “They don’t use carriages or chariots. They fight directly from the horses! Odysseus’s chariot was damaged into the storm but even if it was ready now it will be hard for it to navigate at the plain”

“Odysseus, how many people do you estimate the city to have?” one of the captains asked

“Hard to tell” the king of Ithaca admitted, “The city seems well-built but not too big. Worst case scenario it would be of around 4000 people”

“The odds would still be 4-1” Eurylochus pointed out, “We are not enough for it. The odds are not bad but they are not very good either”

“Indeed which is why I hope the most optimistic estimation is the correct one. Let’s say around 2000 people”

“But, Odysseus you count in women and children?” Polites asked

“Yeah that’s right. If we say they are around 2000 in there then logically half should be women and children”

“That leaves is around 1000 men and possibly a portion of them are warriors”

“That makes the odds 2-1” Eurylochus spoke again, “Sounds much better for us”

“Yes…if they remain within the walls…”

“We must send a scout team just in case, to see the weaknesses around it”

“Guys!” Polites now came in, “We are talking as if we shall begin the attack already!”

“Do you see another option, Polites?”

Odysseus hummed in thought.

“Well…in theory we could avoid the bloodshed if we took the course across the mainland or till we meet the islands…”

He made a move with his hand as if saying “maybe”

“How many provisions do we have?”

“Maybe for one week?” Polites suggested, “And that would be if we reduced our food to the minimum and hunted”

“In a Cicones forest?” Odysseus commented, “Right…”

“Perhaps fishing then?”

“That could work but it is not sustainable on the long run” Odysseus thought out loud, “We have also the slaves, the men and the horses to feed. In theory we could make it to another port before our provisions ran out but…”

“What guarantee do we have that we won’t run in the same problem?” Eurylochus pointed out

“Exactly. And besides…” once more that almost automatic smirk played to the edge of his lips, “The refusal of hospitality when someone makes plead to the gods has consequences. They know it! There is plenty of food there for sharing and we have things to return their hospitality with but…”

He hit his fist on the ground.

“Yes, I believe we must charge as soon as possible while the sword is flaming hot!”

“What are you planning?” Eurylochus asked again, “Surround the city?”

“It could work but we will run out of provisions before they do and we are cut off from the rest of the world here. I will not risk it all in a siege”

“And I refuse to spend another day waiting for cities to fall! I’ve had enough! Gods refuse to help us. We need to do something of the situation we got ourselves through. Our men are too many to feed. I cannot risk another open sea passage!”

He caught himself making excuses about it to himself; as if trying to justify the actions that he was already planning but in the end of the day perhaps it was true after all; he was the Sacker of Cities; a man of war. Perhaps that was what was left of him after the massacre…after all the atrocities he had to indoctrinate or perform in the holy city of Ilium. Athena was by his side back then; other gods were as well. He knew it was wrong what happened and yet the gods were with them. He didn’t understand why now…why now they refused to hear his prayers or rather he didn’t want to accept that the whole ploy would turn against the entire fleet and not just against him! He was afraid and worried; what if that indeed befell upon his family? What if the sin he prayed so much to Athena to protect his family from was to be fulfilled? What if Athena didn’t heed his desperate plea at Troy? Because Achilles wanted a concubine and because Calchas couldn’t keep his mouth shut!

“Agamemnon! Gods, Agamemnon now I understand you! This man predicted not a single good thing for us in his entire life! He made us both monsters who sacrifice virgins to the void! Cursed his name! Cursed his legacy!”

Polites smirked, unaware of the turmoil in his soul.

“That’s right! We have Odysseus with us! He took Troy in one night! I am sure this will be child’s play for him!”

“Why, thanks for the faith, Polites…” Odysseus said ironically, “I hope I will live up to your expectations!”

“You already have a plan?” Erilochus now pitched in, flabbergasted

“Perhaps…” Odysseus murmured thoughtfully, rubbing his beard, “I might have something but we need to organize ourselves quick”

“Yes sir!”

“And we kill no women and children!” Odysseus said, his eyes suddenly darkening

“Polyxena…Astyanax…Hecuba… No! No more women and children! Penelope… My sweet Telemachus…Ma… No, no more women and children!”

“Yes sir” the others agreed

“No rapes, no violations! Am I clear?”

“Yes, sir”

“As for the city…”

He stopped. His eyes were bottomless. His heartbeat was steady. The nausea of guilt had passed; suddenly giving his gut the weird sensation of the bloodlust he felt in battle when fighting for his life. However now it felt different.

“…Burn it down!”

“Yes! Let it burn! This and all the allies of Troy! Cursed city! If only it was never founded by the immortals! If only it never rose again from the hands of mighty Heracles! Yes, let them burn! All of them!”

“Yes sir!”

Odysseus filled a cup of wine. He took half a sip and raised it up.

“And let the blood of their men be upon their hands! So it was written, let it be done!”

He poured the rest down to the sand. The red liquid was almost immediately absorbed in the golden sand of the unfriendly land. It only left a red stain behind.

Like the blood that was shed in war.

~*~*~*~

Cicones were tribes of Thrace and Thracians were known for their great skill in riding horses among others. The exact location of Ismarus is not known although it is connected to some landscapes in Thrace.

So arguably one of the most controversial to the modern eye action that Odysseus did after he left from Troy was the conquest of the city of Cicones Ismarus. I am surprised I do not see more people talk about it!

In the Odyssey, Odysseus doesn't specify the reasonings behind the attack but it is left to be assumed that it was for piracy; so that they would plunder provisions for the safe passage. I tried to see how that would befall so I started the story with the general outline and then try to figure out how they would go.

Odysseus referring to the contempt and to Adromache or even to some events, it is a wink to my story Guilt Part2 The momet of madness of Hecuba are based on sources such as the tragedy Hecuba and other roman sources but also a wink to a fic that I had in mind for the far future, kinda like a light spoiler.

Like before as I mentioned to my gift story to @dionysism once more got inspired by the same composer Kostas Kapnisis for this one. Specifically for the scene where the Cicones spy runs to warn the city, I was inspired by the piece "Ξεσηκωμός" ("Rise Up"):

Language or dialect barrier between Thracians and Odysseus was just another thing I thought I could add to make the story more believable. Also Odysseus being kinda an ass as well even if he is suffering deep down.

Usually I do depict his positive traits and sneak in his negative (for example in my story about their escape from Polyphemus). So now we have also a bit more negative traits with sneaking in some positive as well.

The Cicones being a potential ally of Troy or at least assisting them is purely my invention here in an essence that Thrace and places like Themyscyra (if that is among the Skythians) are close to each other geographically and potentially culturally too at some cases.

Odysseus mentions "more than 500 men" because undoubtedly they did suffer losses at Troy. Just the bare minimum they could (probably around 10% of them or around 80 men)

Part 2 might be coming back soon.

Sorry if I forget anyone.

A small mention to amazing people that honored me with comments, feedback or reblogs before:

@simugeuge @loco-bird @smokey07 @adrift-in-thyme @marieisnothere12 @dilutedh2so4 @freetyphoonglitter @tunguszka20 @ilov3b00kss0much @fangirlofallthefanthings @cr4zy-cycl0n3 @superkooku @shafeeyaart @hermesmoly @insomniphic @blueflipflops @venomspecs @theyugiohfanartistwritersblog

[paddockletters]

racing hearts | lando norris ft. jude bellingham

paring: lando norris x reader jude bellingham x reader summary: Mia, a sports analyst caught between the worlds of football and F1, finds herself drawn to both Jude Bellingham and Lando Norris. Amidst the excitement of their glamorous lives, a pivotal moment forces her to confront her feelings, leaving her future uncertain and filled with possibility. author's note: Hope you liked it, teel me if you want a second part maybe... Well, as I always say... english is not my first language so pardon me if there are mistakes —feel free to tell me— and my requests are open!👀

Mia sat in the bustling café near the stadium, nursing a flat white as she scanned the latest highlights from the football matches on her phone. A sea of fans swarmed outside, their cheers echoing through the streets of Birmingham, but her mind was far from the beautiful game—or so she told herself. She had an important interview with Jude Bellingham that afternoon, and deep down, she wasn’t quite sure how it would go.

As she scrolled through her feed, a message dinged in from Lando Norris, her recently acquired contact via social media. "Fancy a catch-up? Just finished practice and could do with a laugh. Let’s grab a bite!"

Mia grinned, recalling their effortless banter from the charity event a few weeks back. "Absolutely! How about that café by the stadium?"

Within moments, a new message appeared: "Deal! Just don’t spill your drink this time, yeah? Wouldn’t want you to drown on me."

She chuckled, recalling the time she’d nearly snorted coffee when he showed her a video of his latest racing antics. Lando had a way of making every conversation feel like a joyride—safe but exhilarating.

Having finished her drink, Mia slipped her phone into her bag just as a familiar voice broke through her thoughts.

“Oi! Mia!” Jude's voice was as warm as the sun peeking through the clouds outside. Dressed in a casual tracksuit, his presence was magnetic. Her nervousness melted away as he approached.

“Mister Bellingham! Thanks for meeting me,” she replied, standing to embrace him with a light hug. “You know it’s not every day I get to chat with a superstar.”

“A bit of an overstatement, isn’t it?” he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck, an endearing nervous habit. “But I’m chuffed to have you here! I’ve been looking forward to this.”

As they settled into a booth, Jude leaned in, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “So, are you going to tell me how close you are to Lando Norris, or should I be worried?”

Mia felt her cheeks heat up, but she brushed it off. “What? We’re just mates! He’s a laugh, you know? Good vibes all around!”

“Right, of course.” Jude raised an eyebrow, teasing. “Just keep your lips sealed about my dodgy free kicks, and we’re golden.”

They moved on to chatting about football, with Jude discussing his goals for the season and Mia sharing her experiences dissecting games for the network. As she listened, she was struck by his sincerity and genuine passion for the sport.

"Honestly, it’s not just about the glory, you know? It’s about the love for the game,” Jude said, his eyes gleaming with fervour. “Every time I step on that pitch, it’s like I’m living my dream.”

“I get that completely! You can see it in how you play, Jude. It’s inspiring,” Mia replied, feeling a sense of awe wash over her.

Just then, the bell above the café door jingled, and in walked Lando, all energy and charm. He spotted Mia and Jude instantly, making a beeline towards them, a cheeky grin on his face.

“Look who it is! The lovely Mia and Mr. Bellingham!” Lando said, sliding into the booth with the confidence of a man who knew he belonged. “What’s the secret meeting about? Planning world domination or just scheming how to beat me in a race?”

“Beat you in a race? I’d rather stick to football, thanks,” Jude quipped, grinning back as he leaned back, clearly at ease.

Mia watched the two banter back and forth, their easy camaraderie adding to her internal conflict. She felt a tug between their worlds—Jude's grounded seriousness and Lando’s lively and flamboyant spirit.

“Come on, Mia, you should ditch the footie for a day and give racing a go,” Lando insisted, playfully nudging her shoulder. “I’ll take you for a spin. Just try not to scream, alright? My driving’s top-notch.”

“And your humour is bottom-tier,” Jude interjected, but there was no bite to his words. They all laughed, but Mia noticed the intensity in Jude's gaze as he looked at her. It was surprising and new, igniting a flutter in her stomach.

“You should, though,” he said softly, turning serious for a moment. “It’s thrilling. You’d love it. The adrenaline is like nothing else.”

Just then, a flare of tension filled the air. Mia felt the atmosphere shift as she glanced between both of them—two incredible athletes with undeniable chemistry, each vying for more than just friendship.

Mia shifted in her seat, her heart racing with the unspoken tension between Jude and Lando. The café's vibrant atmosphere seemed to fade as she focused on the exchange unfolding before her.

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that someday,” Mia said, attempting to lighten the mood. She looked at Lando, who still wore his characteristic grin. “But I think I’m better off sticking to my day job—at least until I’ve had some more practice.”

“Fair enough,” Lando said with a wink. “But remember, I’m always here for a joyride if you change your mind.”

Jude cleared his throat, his tone turning more earnest. “And if you ever need a break from racing or football, you know where to find me. I’m always up for a chat or a quick kickabout.”

Mia smiled, feeling a warmth spread through her chest. She admired both men for their dedication and passion, but the emotional stakes of their unspoken feelings were beginning to weigh on her.

“Thanks, both of you. That means a lot,” Mia said, her voice slightly trembling. “It’s not often I get to hang out with two of the most amazing athletes in their fields.”

They continued their conversation, but Mia’s mind was preoccupied with the growing realization of her feelings for both Jude and Lando. The way Jude’s eyes softened when he spoke, the genuine support he offered—he was everything she’d ever wanted in a partner, but there was also Lando, whose spontaneous charm and zest for life had quickly captured her heart.

As the afternoon wore on, Jude and Lando’s playful banter persisted, but Mia’s thoughts were a whirlwind of emotions. It wasn’t long before they had to part ways, each with their own commitments and schedules.

“See you around, Mia,” Jude said, giving her a friendly hug. “And good luck with everything. You’re doing great.”

“Thanks, Jude,” Mia replied, her heart aching slightly at the thought of parting from him. “I’ll catch up with you soon.”

Lando approached next, offering a mischievous grin. “Don’t let Jude scare you off football too much. And remember, there’s always a seat in my car if you need a break.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Mia said, feeling a pang of regret as she returned his hug. “Take care, Lando.”

As she watched them leave, Mia felt the weight of her dilemma settle heavily on her shoulders. Her feelings for Jude and Lando were genuine, but the intensity of their emotions and the complexity of her own heart made the situation increasingly challenging.

She stood by the window of the café, watching the crowd outside, her mind awash with thoughts and feelings. The choice she faced wasn’t just about choosing between two incredible men but also about finding her own path in this tangled web of emotions. The football season and F1 calendar would continue, and so would the world of sports, but for Mia, the real race was against the growing confusion within her heart.

Mia took a deep breath, her resolve hardening. She knew she needed time to figure things out—time to understand her own heart and desires. As she walked away from the café, her steps were lighter, her mind clearer, even as her heart remained caught in the exhilarating whirlwind of racing hearts.

The following weeks were a whirlwind for Mia as she juggled her work responsibilities with the emotional turbulence of her personal life. Between analyzing game footage for football matches and covering F1 races, Mia found little time for herself. Yet, the ongoing saga of her feelings for Jude and Lando was never far from her mind.

One crisp autumn morning, Mia was at the edge of her seat, covering a crucial football match. Jude's team had a major game, and she was busy preparing her pre-match report. Her phone buzzed with a message from Lando:

"Race day tomorrow. Let’s catch up before I hit the track. I’ve got something special planned."

Mia’s heart skipped a beat at the thought of seeing Lando. She hadn’t seen him since their café meeting, and his playful promise of something special intrigued her.

She replied, "Sounds great! Where should we meet?"

“Meet me at the paddock early. I’ll have a surprise waiting for you,” Lando’s reply came swiftly.

The next day, Mia arrived at the F1 paddock, the excitement of race day palpable in the air. Lando greeted her with his usual exuberance. “Hey, Mia! Ready for the surprise?”

“Absolutely. What’s the plan?” Mia asked, trying to hide her anticipation.

“Just follow me,” Lando said with a grin.

He led her to a private area near the track, away from the hustle and bustle. A sleek, custom race car was parked there, its colors dazzling under the sun.

“This is for you,” Lando said, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “I thought you might enjoy a spin in one of these beauties before the race.”

Mia’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding! Are you sure?”

“Trust me,” Lando replied, laughing. “It’s all safe. I promise.”

As they drove around the track, the speed and adrenaline were exhilarating. Lando’s presence beside her was both comforting and thrilling. They shared a few moments of laughter and awe, the world outside the car blurring into a streak of colors.

When they returned to the paddock, Mia felt a mix of elation and nervousness. Lando’s charm had rekindled her earlier feelings, making it harder to focus on her work.

Later that evening, as Mia prepared to cover the football match, she spotted Jude in the stadium’s VIP section. He was watching the game with intense focus, and Mia’s heart did a little flip. She took a deep breath and walked over to greet him.

“Hey, Jude!” she said, trying to sound casual despite her racing heart.

“Hey, Mia,” Jude responded warmly. “How was the day? I hope Lando didn’t drive you too crazy.”

“Not at all,” Mia said with a smile. “He gave me an unforgettable ride.”

As the match went on, Mia found herself caught between two worlds. Jude’s passion for football was magnetic, and his presence was comforting. She admired his dedication and the way he spoke about the game with such love and enthusiasm.

At the end of the match, Jude walked with Mia to the stadium’s exit, his hand lightly brushing against hers. “You’ve been working so hard. How about we grab a drink sometime soon, just the two of us?”

Mia hesitated, feeling the weight of her feelings for both Jude and Lando. “I’d like that,” she said softly. “I’ll let you know when I’m free.”

Later that night, as Mia lay in bed, her thoughts were a tangled mess of emotions. The thrill of the racetrack and Lando’s infectious energy contrasted sharply with Jude’s sincere and grounded nature. She felt torn, unable to fully embrace either relationship without feeling guilty or conflicted.

As the weeks went by, Mia began to realize that she needed to take a step back and focus on herself. She continued to enjoy her time with both Jude and Lando but knew that her decision would come in time.

In a heart-to-heart conversation with a close friend, Mia admitted her confusion.

“I care about both of them, but I need to figure out what I really want. It’s not fair to them or to myself if I don’t.”

Her friend nodded in understanding. “Sometimes, the best way to make a decision is to listen to your own heart and take a step back. You’ve got to find what truly makes you happy.”

With that advice in mind, Mia decided to embrace a period of self-discovery. She focused on her career and passions, allowing herself the space to understand her own desires without the pressure of choosing between Jude and Lando.

As time went on, Mia’s clarity grew. She realized that her journey was about more than just choosing between two incredible people. It was about finding herself and her own path in a world filled with excitement and uncertainty. And while her heart was still intertwined with both Jude and Lando, she knew that the future held possibilities she was eager to explore—both in love and in her own life.

As the winter months settled in, Mia’s internal struggle began to weigh heavily on her. Her career was flourishing, and she had become a respected figure in the sports world, but the personal turmoil involving Jude and Lando remained unresolved.

Jude and Mia’s friendship grew more complex. Jude had been patient and understanding, always present and supportive. Their conversations often lingered on deeper topics, and Jude’s gentle affection began to take on a more romantic tone. His heartfelt gestures and considerate actions made it increasingly difficult for Mia to ignore the feelings that were developing.

On the other hand, Lando’s presence was a whirlwind of excitement. He continued to charm her with his spontaneous adventures and infectious laughter. His adventurous spirit and playful demeanor had become a refreshing escape from the pressures of her daily life. Yet, the intensity of their interactions was unmistakable, and Lando’s occasional hints about their future together left Mia feeling both exhilarated and overwhelmed.

The tipping point came during a major sports gala in London, where both Jude and Lando were in attendance. Mia had been invited to cover the event, and the evening promised to be a glamorous affair. She arrived early to prepare, her thoughts occupied by the weight of her decisions.

As she mingled with guests and conducted interviews, Jude approached her with a serious look in his eyes. “Mia, can we talk?”

“Of course,” Mia replied, her heart racing as she followed him to a quieter corner of the venue.

Jude took a deep breath, his expression a mix of determination and vulnerability. “I know things have been complicated, and I respect that you need time. But I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with just being friends. I care about you deeply, and I want more. I need to know where you stand.”

Mia was taken aback by his honesty. “Jude, I—”

Before she could respond, Lando appeared, his usual grin replaced by a more somber expression. “Hey, Mia. Can I have a word with you too?”

Jude looked at Lando, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Sure, Lando. Go ahead.”

Lando led Mia to the edge of the gala hall, away from prying eyes. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I know I’ve been a bit of a whirlwind, and maybe I didn’t give you the space you needed. But I really care about you, Mia. More than I’ve let on. I know this is probably the last thing you need right now with everything going on, but I had to tell you."

Mia’s head spun as she looked between the two men. Both Jude and Lando had laid their feelings bare, and the pressure felt overwhelming. She had been avoiding this moment for weeks, trying to focus on her career and navigate the swirl of media attention, but now she had to face it head-on.

Rumors about her relationships had been flying for some time. Tabloids were constantly speculating, printing photos of her with Jude at a café, or Lando sneaking her into the paddock for a quick joyride. It was getting harder to ignore. The attention had shifted from her work to her personal life, and it was affecting her more than she liked to admit.

“I... I don’t know what to say,” Mia admitted, her voice wavering as she finally spoke. “This whole situation has been a lot, and I’ve been trying to figure it out myself. The media, the rumors... it’s been so intense. I care about both of you, but I’ve been struggling to even think clearly.”

Jude’s face softened, his usually confident demeanor giving way to concern. “I had no idea you were feeling like that. You don’t have to decide anything right now, Mia. But just know that whatever happens, I’ll respect your space and your choices.”

Lando shifted uneasily, his hands shoved in his pockets as he looked away for a moment. “Yeah, same here. I didn’t mean to add pressure. I just wanted you to know how I feel. We can take it slow—whatever you need.”

Mia felt her eyes welling up as the weight of the situation finally hit her. “Thank you, both of you. I just need some time to think about what’s best for me.”

Jude nodded, stepping back to give her space. “Take all the time you need, Mia. I’m here for you, no matter what.”

Lando gave her a small smile, the usual mischief in his eyes replaced with something softer. “I’ll be around, too. And hey, no matter what, we’re mates first.”

Mia let out a shaky breath, feeling both relieved and conflicted as she watched the two men walk away. The media could say what they wanted, but this decision was hers to make, and she knew it wouldn’t be easy.

With that, Mia felt a mixture of relief and sadness. She knew that her decision would not be easy, and the road ahead was uncertain. As the gala continued around them, she watched Jude and Lando walk away in opposite directions, each carrying a piece of her heart with them.

As she left the gala that night, the city lights shimmering in the distance, Mia knew one thing for certain: before she could choose between Jude and Lando, she had to choose herself first. And that was going to take more than just a headline or a rumor to figure out.

In the days that followed, Mia took a step back from both Jude and Lando, focusing on her career and personal growth. The break allowed her to gain perspective and eventually led to a deeper understanding of her own desires and needs.

Months later, at a quiet café where it all began, Mia sat alone, sipping her coffee. She looked out the window, reflecting on the tumultuous journey she had experienced. The thrill of the racing tracks and the passion of the football fields had left their marks on her, but it was the time she spent finding herself that truly shaped her path.

As the café door chimed open, Mia saw a familiar face—Jude. He approached her with a warm smile, and they exchanged a simple, heartfelt greeting.

“Hey, Jude,” Mia said, her voice steady and genuine. “It’s been a while. How are things with you?”

“Hey, Mia,” Jude replied, his smile tinged with a hint of sadness. “Things have been good, just keeping busy with the season. I’ve been thinking about you. How are you holding up?”

“I’m doing well,” Mia said, feeling a sense of calm. “I’ve been focusing on my work and taking some time for myself.”

Jude nodded, his eyes reflecting a mix of understanding and regret. “I’m glad to hear you’re finding your balance. I just wanted to let you know that I’m here if you ever want to talk or need anything.”

Mia smiled, appreciating his words. “Thanks, Jude. That means a lot.”

As Jude turned to leave, Mia’s phone buzzed with a new message. It was from Lando.

“Hey, Mia. I hope you’re doing alright. I know things have been complicated lately. I’m in Monaco, but I’d really like to catch up when I’m back. Maybe we can figure things out over coffee? Just let me know.”

Mia read the message and felt a surge of conflicting emotions. She was touched by Lando’s sincerity, but also felt the weight of her own unresolved feelings.

Sipping her coffee, Mia gazed out the window, contemplating the paths before her. Both Jude and Lando had made a significant impact on her life, each in their own way. She realized that no matter which direction she chose, it would come with its own set of challenges and opportunities.

With a thoughtful sigh, Mia responded to Lando’s message, “I’d like that. Let’s talk when you’re back. Thanks for reaching out.”

As she sent the message, Mia knew that the future was uncertain but full of possibilities. She was ready to explore what lay ahead, with the potential for new beginnings and meaningful connections. The decision of who to pursue��or whether to pursue either—was still to be made, but for now, Mia was open to whatever the journey would bring.

The café bustled with activity around her, a reflection of the vibrant life she was living, and Mia felt a renewed sense of hope and curiosity about the future.

[shitsndgiggs]

hi girll !

i saw that you post the long distance relationship with hector that was my request..so thanks 🫶🏼🫶🏼

is that possible to have one more imagine with hector ? like something the reader is an influencer and she became famous really quickly and get a lot of followers. and one day hector dms her and they start talking and few weeks after she went to barcelona for his birthday and to enjoy time with him and they are really closed. (i don’t have a lot of inspiration but at the end, they finished in love…)

thanks !!

OUT IN THE OPEN - HÉCTOR FORT

…

Héctor Fort x influencer! reader

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿

My rise to internet fame was nothing short of wild. One day, I was posting beauty tips and lifestyle content for my small group of followers, and the next, my account blew up overnight.

Suddenly, I was an influencer, with brand deals, interviews, and thousands of people watching my every move.

It was surreal, to say the least. But nothing—and I mean nothing—could have prepared me for that DM.

Hector Fort. Yes, the Hector Fort. Barcelona's rising football star, DMing me out of the blue.

It started so casually, with him commenting on one of my photos where I was in Barcelona during a quick weekend getaway: "Next time you’re here, let me give you a real tour of the city."

At first, I thought it was a prank. Maybe some fan account or a really convincing fake profile. But no, the blue checkmark was there, and after doing some internet sleuthing, I confirmed it was him. The real Hector.

I stared at the message for what felt like an eternity, trying to figure out how to respond without sounding like a complete fangirl. I typed out something witty: "A real tour, huh? Is that a promise?"

From there, it snowballed. What started as simple back-and-forth messages turned into daily conversations.

We talked about everything—football, life in the spotlight, my sudden fame, and his matches. It felt natural, easy, like I had known him for years.

One night, about two weeks in, Hector mentioned his birthday was coming up. He was casual about it, but there was an invitation hidden in his words.

"You should come to Barcelona for my birthday," he texted me one evening. "I’ll show you that tour I promised."

The flight to Barcelona felt like it took forever. It wasn’t my first time in the city, but it was definitely the most nerve-wracking. I was finally going to meet Hector in person.

I arrived in Barcelona a day before his birthday, and we planned to meet up at his place later that night.

My stomach churned with nerves as I approached the door, my heart racing in anticipation.

The door swung open, and there he was—Hector, looking even better than in his photos. His smile was warm and inviting, and I instantly felt a little more at ease.

“You made it,” he said, pulling me into a hug, his voice a little muffled as he spoke into my hair.

“I did,” I smiled, relaxing into the hug. “Happy early birthday, by the way.”

“Thanks,” he grinned, pulling back just enough to look at me, his eyes twinkling with a mix of amusement and something else I couldn’t quite place. “Come on, let’s make this weekend unforgettable.”

The next few days were a blur of birthday celebrations, late-night talks, and just enjoying each other’s company. Hector was exactly like he’d been over the phone—funny, thoughtful, and always making me laugh.

On the day of his match, I sat in the stands with the VIPs, watching him warm up on the field. I’d never been much of a football fan before, but watching Hector out there, so focused and in his element, made my heart swell with pride.

I was completely lost in the game, cheering him on with every touch of the ball.

When Barcelona scored, I jumped to my feet, clapping and shouting with the crowd. Hector glanced toward the stands, searching until his eyes met mine.

Even from the pitch, I saw the faint smile spread across his face. That moment made my heart flutter.

As the final whistle blew, signaling Barcelona’s victory, the players began celebrating on the field. The atmosphere was electric, with fans singing and chanting.

I watched Hector as he made his way toward the tunnel, but before he disappeared into the locker room, he turned and started walking in my direction.

My heart pounded as he came closer, his eyes locked on mine. I could feel people staring, whispers swirling around me, but I didn’t care. Hector reached the edge of the stands and smiled up at me.

“You came all this way,” he said softly, his voice carrying over the noise of the stadium.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said, smiling down at him, my heart racing in my chest.

He hesitated for a moment, glancing around at the crowd of fans and cameras. Then, he stepped forward, reaching for my hand. “You know people are going to talk, right?” he asked, his voice low and serious. “They already are.”

I glanced around, noticing the people already snapping photos and recording us. I could see the headlines in my head, but I didn’t care. I squeezed his hand and met his gaze.

“Let them talk,” I said firmly, smiling. “I don’t care.”

Hector’s face lit up, his eyes softening. Without another word, he leaned in and kissed me—right there in front of thousands of people.

His lips were warm and soft against mine, and for a moment, the entire stadium seemed to fade away.

The crowd around us erupted in cheers and gasps, but all I could focus on was Hector. His kiss was gentle but firm, filled with unspoken feelings we hadn’t yet put into words.

When we finally pulled apart, Hector grinned at me, his hand still holding mine. “Guess it’s official now, huh?”

I laughed, breathless. “I’d say so.”

Hector chuckled, giving my hand a squeeze before heading back toward the locker room. But not before turning back and flashing me a playful wink.

[jezabelle9299]

Intimidating S.R x FEM! reader

Overture-While you're cataloging a new collection in the archives, a young Spencer Reid wanders down in search of an art print stored in a different archive.

Inspired by the opening of season 2 episode 14 'The Big Game', when Gideon visits the Smithsonian to look at Havell's Audubon paintings. (We're going to pretend this isn't the episode Reid gets kidnapped in) Later piece is inspired by any of the many times prostitutes flirt with Reid throughout the early seasons. I looked at a few maps and online catalogs of the museums current collections to kinda figure out how long it would take to walk there, and what pieces are stored where, but it might not be 100% accurate so don't hold me to it.

Cws- Brief mentions of robbery and prostitution (separate occasions)

A/N- This has been bouncing around my brain like a DVD menu screen, I'm so excited about it. I'm a museum studies major so I'm making this girl live all of my dreams.

Your favorite part of the job by far, was cataloging the new pieces. Whether they were from other museums or private collections, unpacking those boxes let you indulge in a bit of nosiness everytime. This particular collection was from a recently closed exhibit, so you were doing the overnight shift. No one else was in this part of the museum, and your boss was doing a showing of some prints to a collections enthusiast so you had the place to yourself. 

You threw on some headphones and got to work, once you finished this you could go home. You’d just cataloged and packed the first half of the pieces, but as you were about to start on the rest, you saw something move out of the corner of your eye. Archives were a slightly creepy place to be at night anyway, the shelves looming over you, and the underground structure providing little light outside of your small workspace, but that was definitely unusual. When you finally turned around, there was a full-on stranger walking towards you. He was about your age, but he definitely didn’t work here, you would’ve remembered 

“Jesus! Walk louder! I didn’t hear you come down here.” 

“I called out twice to try and see if there was anyone down here.”

“Point taken.” You shrugged it off, you’d never seen him before. He definitely didn’t work here, he was cute and about your age. You’d remember him. You both stood there just kind of looking at each other, not fully sure what would happen next.

“Are you going to like— rob me now? Or maybe introduce yourself?”

“Oh! Sorry, my name's Spencer Reid, I was here with a colleague. He was looking at some ornithology prints upstairs, and he told me to come down to find—well you I assume, and get the last print in the set, and ask for directions to the coffee machine?”

“Sure! Just come over here and I’ll look it up for you.” You set down your clipboard to head back to your little desk, the only one with the lamp still on. 

“So, what exactly are you looking for?”

“It’s a Robert Havell, Frigate Pelican.” You typed in the name into your system to make sure, but you knew now why your boss didn’t come to get it himself. It wasn’t in this museum, it was in the archive under the Renwick gallery, almost a mile away. 

“Alright, I can be back with it in like an hour, it’s at the gallery on 17th street. This was a split collection and it’s still in that archive. There’s a coffee machine down the hall on your left, and I can meet you back in my boss’s office.”

“An hour? Are you walking this late at night?” 

“Yep. But I’ll go as quickly as possible.”

“I can’t in good conscience let you walk that far by yourself this late at night, would it be alright if I came with you?” 

“Alright! Only if you want to though, I promise you don’t have to.”

“I want to, if that’s ok.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” You smiled at him, and while you were grabbing your keys and ID, he went from relieved you said it was ok, to completely red at the idea of being around you alone for the next hour. He was stuck in place as you passed him and got halfway down the hall, before he started running to catch up. 

“Where exactly are we going?”

“We need to go up the elevator, through the garden, and then it’s pretty much a straight shot down 15th and through Lafayette park.”

“I thought we could get through the archives?”

“We could, but it would take longer. I get distracted easily, and it’s a nice night out anyway.”

*****

About halfway through your walk, you’d already felt like you knew him. When you were passing through a particularly busy part of the street, someone called out to you. Well not you, they called out to Spencer. 

“Hey cutie, you’re back. I told you I’d remember you.” A woman in high heels, a fur coat, and shorts entirely too short for the chilly weather, called out for him. You didn’t place any judgment on her, but the look you gave Spencer. Shock, and trying your best to stifle laughter at his panic.

“Oh–um. Have a good night.” He rushed off, in his haste grabbing your elbow to pull you along with him. Once he’d gotten far enough away for his embarrassment to pare down, he let go of you, realizing with a whole new sense of self-consciousness that he touched you without even thinking about it. 

“That was not what it looked like. I swear– I was talking to her with my boss last week, we were doing interviews for a case; and she well– she called me cute, which is what that was about.”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me. I would tend to agree with her anyway– you are pretty memorable.”

“I– thank you. You’re memorable too.”

You walked the rest of the way with Spencer almost trailing a half step behind you. You were so mesmerizing, he just couldn’t help it. 

By the time you finished the walk, arriving at the security booth to get back inside the archives, you already felt like you knew Spencer. 

“ID please.” The security guard spared a singular glance towards yours, and you realized you forgot to ask Spencer if he had his on him. 

“Oh I forgot they check IDs of any guests coming into the archives, you have your driver's license on you, right? Or any ID is probably fine. I didn’t even think about it.”

While you were rambling about it, Spencer pulled out his credentials, showed it to the guard as if it were nothing. Because he’s a federal agent -apparently- he didn’t need a visitor badge. 

“You’re in the FBI?”

“Yes?”

“How on Earth did that never come up on the twenty minute walk here.” You finally got moving again towards the art storage, now trailing alongside Spencer, more focused on him than looking where you were going. 

“It did.” 

“When?”

“Why did you think I was interviewing a prostitute?”

“I don’t know! I thought you were like– a lawyer or something. You’re so fancy! And nice! And you know– Young!” 

“I–you think I’m fancy?”

“You’re wearing a suit with a sweater vest at 9pm on a Saturday night.” 

“Fair enough. But no, I'm not a lawyer. I’m glad you think I’m nice though.” It was your turn for your face to heat, and for you to hide your head. 

“Of course I think you're nice.”

When you finally found what you were looking for, you started heading back. He told you about some of his interests, but mostly he wanted to know about you. All you wanted to hear about was him though, he was so interesting. 

“What do you do for the FBI?” 

“Behavioral Analysis”

“Oh my god. Oh if I’d known that I would’ve changed everything I’ve done so far. That’s– I mean that’s so intimidating” And now he was laughing at you. 

“I don’t think anyone has ever described me as intimidating. Off-putting and annoying sure, but intimidating is new.” 

“You’re very intimidating. I’ve never met a guy who knew that much about historical art without even being in the field before, and now I know you could read my behavior? I must’ve come off like a total idiot like–15 times by now.”

“I don’t think so, quite the opposite actually.”

“Well thank you, but I was making a conscious effort not to make it clear I have a huge crush on you, and then you tell me you could tell anyway?” 

“You have a crush on me?”

“Well–yeah. I thought you could tell.”

“Not really.”

“Oh.” It felt like an eternity before he responded.

“I have a crush on you too, for the record.” 

“Yeah?”

“Most definitely.”

An older man came out of the building before you could walk back in.

“Reid! Where’d you go? JJ called, we need to leave for the office.” 

“Oh–um, I’ll call you? What’s your number?” You checked your lanyard and your pockets as best as you could while holding the flat-packed print. 

“I don’t have a pen or anything on me.”

“You can just tell me, I’ll remember it.”  After you said your goodbyes he disappeared again, and you went to put away the rest of the collection. Spencer called you the next morning to set up your first date, and though he never stopped amazing you, you wouldn’t describe him as intimidating anymore.

[afreakingdork]

You Are My Sunshine, My Only Moonshine - Chapter 13

RotTMNT x Reader

I'm not gonna lie, I'm obsessed with this week's chapter art by @birdsnout I MEAN LOOK AT THEM

Rated: Teen and Up Audiences

Relationships: Michelangelo (TMNT)/Reader, Michelangelo (TMNT)/You, Donatello (TMNT)/Reader, Donatello (TMNT)/You

Warnings: POV Second Person, Gender Neutral Reader, Anxious Reader, Introverted Reader, Stuttering, Aged-Up Mutant Ninja Turtles, Romance, Love, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Unrequited Love, Rejection, Aromantic Asexual Michelangelo (TMNT), Bisexual Donatello (TMNT), Pansexual Leonardo (TMNT), Lesbian Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit, Demisexual April O'Neil (TMNT), Implied Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit/April O'Neil/Sunita, Endgame Donatello (TMNT)/Reader, Romantic Love, Platonic Love, Panic Attacks, Sexuality Crisis, Agoraphobia, Social Anxiety, Happy Ending, Fluff

Synopsis:  You’ve lost most of your life to anxiety and fear. Now, in your late 20s, you are desperate to reclaim it and during one such outing you encounter the sun personified. With his and his similarly celestially inspired family, will you finally reach your goal or will you lose yourself along the way?

Also available on Ao3

First 💛 Previous

Trigger Warning: The following chapter contains a depiction of assault. There are mentions of bloody injury, a knife, and needles. Please be aware and keep yourselves safe.

You were getting closer to Mikey. It was a day by day evolution and something you deeply enjoyed. He’d given you so much and yet continued to enrich your life. In some ways you thought you’d never be able to repay him and in others you were crushed by crippling guilt because of all the ways your relationship flower bed blossomed from Mikey’s tending sun, there was also an incessant weed that grew back every time you picked it: your damned crush on Donnie. 

Your budding feelings were painfully incessant. Upon first glance you thought they would only be one-sided, but it was hard to deny how Donnie acted. While his exact words had been about how he thought your touch was inoffensive, he also clearly found you interesting. Though there had been no more larger encounters, it felt like you had an inside joke with the purple brother. You had since sought each other’s eyes during dozens conversations with others and much was said with singular looks. It was an obvious form of flirting that percolated the cauldron in your chest and sent you in a completely different direction. 

Instead of dealing with one aggravation, you prepared for another. The mess of it all was it was occurring simultaneously. The talk with Donatello at the ice rink had reinforced your fleeting feelings for him. It had also opened up new territory with Mikey. Not because you sat with him after his concussion, but because you’d learned more about the Hamato’s trauma regarding the Krang. For Leo and Raph the sparse information you had learned felt more like peaks into the others psyche, but with Mikey it felt like betrayal. Mikey’s story was his own and he seemingly had already shared all he wanted on the matter regarding his tremors. You finding out more detail about it from someone that wasn’t him was prying in your eyes. Though you knew it was a form of procrastination on your crush, you had to relieve at least one guilt from your conscience or you weren’t going to make it.

You relied on your growing faith in your friend. While it had come at clawing expense, you felt as though there was enough trust built between you and Mikey that you could approach the topic without destroying your friendship. It spoke both to his actions and your growth. You were still timid so it was one afternoon during the lull of a hangout that you asked Mikey about the Krang. With a faraway smile, he shared his experience. 

His version came with far more detail than Donnie’s. They were different lenses on the same event and Mikey spared no expense. The time on the ship was one thing, but your friend’s journey began from when he ripped through reality. He spoke of lengthy bouts of depression with a contrasting lightheartedness that would have been a red flag if said by anyone other than him. In his eyes, struggle was a stepping stone in one’s path. He was shaped by it and many other trials, which he expounded on in his carefree manner.

You were left sick with sympathy pain and thanked him. He’d bumped shoulders with you, an act he was preferring more and more, and said it was nice to talk about it with someone who wasn’t ready to jump over the table to help him like he was still an invalid. You paled at the thought and he disarmed your anxiety by saying you took knowledge of his trauma better than you did trying to talk to a waitress. You sported puffed cheeks as he teased you about your faint heart and with that you understood a very large piece of Mikey’s past.

You loved him.

It was a revelation that hadn’t come from that conversation, but one of the next. Things were never so linear when it came to Michelangelo. You selfishly asking about the Krang had marked a paradigm shift. By asking him to divulge, you had inadvertently signaled Mikey of your growing strength and feelings of safety with him. He took your questioning as a step in both your solemn and combined journeys and with it he pressed for more.  

He asked you out to a bar which Mikey had categorized as a level five event. Akining it to a hurricane, it marked one of the first times that he promised he wasn’t going to leave your side and you believed him. He had never cared to chart or graph your progress and instead chose the liminal space of feeling out when you were ready to push your anxieties. He’d turned to you with severity and said it was time to crank it up a notch. You would meet up for drinks on the peak hours on a Friday and you would have one week to prepare.

It was marked by further milestones. You and Mikey went out the preceding Sunday morning to pick out new outfits. Mikey invited you over to his workplace after hours on a Tuesday so you could meet the sommelier who used to be a bartender and discussed drink options. You asked to meet for lunch on Thursday at a place just down the street from the bar and Mikey had cordially walked you by the closed business more than once to scope it out. It was all little steps to help you prepare for the onslaught.

When it came, it was as expected. It was loud. People jockeyed for the bartender’s attention. You couldn’t believe how the employees could not only keep track of drinks and tabs, but also make anything from a menu that didn’t seem to exist without so much as a recipe. Meanwhile, you could barely remember what drink you had pre-planned to get.

Mikey acted as a tacky barrier, but he could only shield so much of you. Patrons bumped you and you hung your head trying to block out the booming music while a cacophony of voices threatened to swallow you up. Eyes unfocused as the bartender asked you a second time for your drink order, you heard Mikey say the first syllable of it before you squeaked it out. The employee was off and you shrank, wanting to hide beneath the sticky wooden surface of the bar.

There was a bathroom here somewhere.

That might be a good hovel.

Or better yet, you could dive into the dumpster out back.

That was where you belonged.

Mikey had slipped an arm around you to grab the bar without fear of what reside it would leave on his hands. He kept the threading near your body modest and left space for you to freely turn. It brought your gaze up to him where he smiled genially and gestured to the counter. Looking there, two drinks sat, his and yours, and he picked his up to toast. You slipped yours from the dainty napkin it was sat upon and he tipped his glass with a smile.

“I’m proud of you.”

He’d clinked to that and you nearly sobbed on the spot.

Heart swelling to a painful degree, it was the moment you realized the depth of your love. Immediately struck with fear by it, you’d chugged half your drink and then soured. He laughed and his arm jostled you as a connection point through which you could feel every bit of his happiness. You thought his joy might overwhelm you, but you found yourself inoculated. You had spent months adjusting to his light and now you could take a straight shot of liquid sunshine as if it were courage.

From setting your glass back down on its square throne, you had the berth to examine. It might not have been the love he wanted, but it was one you relished in. It carried with it trust and faith. You had once worshiped the sun and you weren’t sure when that point that had shifted. You still considered Mikey benevolent, as you imagined you always would, but it was clear now that he was also someone tangible. He wasn’t millions of miles away and hung in the sky. He was your dear friend and he had journeyed the distance to meet you.

This was a culmination.

You loved him. 

He was still authentically him, but he could better use his attention. You didn’t have to fight for him to look at you and when you needed him, asking no longer felt like groveling. He would probably still flitter off for whatever caught his fancy, but it now felt like a touch to his arm would bring him back no matter what.

That was an assured love.

Something reciprocated.

It was love that was heralded.

It was what the Greeks described as philia.

Deep friendship. 

He was your best friend and you were going to hurt him.

You’d sipped your drink and numbly talked about this and that for the rest of the evening. When you emerged from the bar, Mikey gave a puff of air. He’d heaved and put his hands on his knees as if he’d given some huge exertion and then turned to you as if waiting for you to do the same.

You felt oddly okay.

You were going to break your friend’s heart and you felt emotionally afloat. 

The quiet of the night enhanced his radiance and he approached you with curiosity.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” It wasn’t been a lie.

Why did you feel alright?

By all accounts, you should have been miserable.

You waited for the negative thoughts to emerge.

They didn’t.

Weeks went by and the current of your comfort held steady.

You had love.

You had improvement.

You had happiness.

It was fine.

On all accounts, you were exactly where you needed to be minus one invasive species in your heart.

You were painfully aware of the cause, but refused to give it time.

You missed Donnie.

Those little glances might have been precious slivers of stolen time, but they were just that. You hadn’t been able to truly speak to him since the night at the diner. It felt so far away now. You had shared a lifetime worth of words and your regret was that you hadn’t thinned them out. It made you think about a phrase regarding hearts growing fonder, but that felt moronic. The saying was supposed to mean that time apart illuminated what someone took for granted.

You never took Donnie for granted.

Moments with him were known and brief. Time apart was a given and in it all you found was a war waged on your imagination. You refused to give into daydreams. You had let your imagination run wild long enough. The reason you had started going out was because you were sick of your brain’s excuses. You’d lost your twenties to hope and it was only with the last of them that you were rectifying the situation. Dreams were fine when you were driven toward a positive goal. You were making trip plans with Mikey; those were tangible hopes.

Those made sense.

It was only in that way that Donnie didn’t. What you knew about Donnie was always in close contrast to Mikey. Where you and Mikey had to flounder around each other, things came too easily with Donnie. Being around the older brother was as simple as breathing and there was something foreboding about that. Nothing in this life came like that to you. Mikey and you fought for your friendship and it had gotten you to this place.

It was wonderful.

It was earned.

Mikey had to be removed from the equation time and time again just for Donnie to ever have time for you.

That spoke of something sinister. Not in an evil sense, but of a kind of ancient warning. It wasn’t the same for the other brothers. Leo would join in when he felt like it and you could easily talk to him without discounting your friend. Raph could probably lift you as high as his huge reach allowed and there would be little distance between you and the youngest. The girls were always in a rambunctious tizzy, but none of it took you away from Mikey.

Donnie took up space.

He zapped your attention and caused it to collapse.

You’d almost think he was the one with the spatial powers.

Being around him slowed everything down to just him.

He was distracting.

He was attentive.

He was interesting.

That was allure talking. It was the bitter hand of emotion trying to deviate from logic. Those things made sense because whimsy said they did. This was the one instance where that little worried voice in your head was just. It spoke of ill tidings that you knew to be true. It said this would lead to ruin and you knew it would. It said that tiny pockets of pleasure were drug hits and Donnie was a supplier.

Quitting him was the right choice, you just needed to convince your heart.

Mikey was busy and you had been thinking too much without your best friend’s distraction. Where the younger’s absence revealed the older, the former was also your only tie to him. It marked a strange double standard that frustrated you because there was no helping it. Instead, you tried to focus on yourself while the Hamato were busy. A Junior you had heard whispers about was in town and Mikey had impressed upon you what a big deal that was. He was an illustrious figure among the Hamato lexicon and someone you had learned about during Mikey’s history lesson about the Krang. 

There you had been granted the knowledge that Junior was a time traveler. It had been a dizzying enough tale without the dubious additive, but that in and of itself represented the Hamato. It was a precious secret and because of that, you kept quiet as, no matter what happened, a part of you would always feel unworthy of knowing them. The best you could do to make up for that was being dutiful, so you took the task along with your safest method of spending your time: hiding away at home.  

The Hamato had plans for vicious catch up with energy levels that you could barely fathom. They hadn’t bothered to invite you and you hadn’t felt slighted. Instead, it spoke to how much they adored Junior because of how ruthless they were. Blood was apparently spilled while drawing straws in an attempt to divvy up Junior’s time in town. Every member wanted to spend their own special time with him and you were moved by how loved this technically displaced man was. You bet it made him feel appropriately wanted so you didn’t mind in the slightest when Mikey had said he’d be unavailable for a bit.

Outside of silly intrusive thoughts, you had a backlog of TV shows that you were pretty excited to tuck into. Being busy with friends was fun, but in some ways you missed the freedom of your hiding. It almost seemed like a staycation outside of work. Buying groceries that reflected fun, you had just gotten settled on your couch for your third night in a row of tame debauchery when your phone rang. Terror ran through you as you dug through your blanket for the device only to see Mikey’s name run across the screen.

Not fully returning to relaxation, worry shifted into fear’s place as you answered. “H-hello…?”

“Y/N!” Mikey laughed and voices battled in the background. “Stop! Stop! Y/N picked up!”

“Uh…” Your voice wobbled.

“Sorry!” You could hear a crackle as Mikey presumably moved. “I forgot something super important!”

“Y-yeah?” You pulled your phone away from your face to check your notes app in case you knew what it was.

“The future test!!” Mikey’s voice clipped.

“The…” You watched your phone time out in your hand. “W-what?”

“The future test!” Mikey parroted at a lower volume. “All new peeps have to go through it! I can’t believe I forgot!”

“Peeps…?”

“You know! That’s like friends, lovers, con-fee-dants, prospects, that one time with the contractor!” You could almost see Mikey trying to count it off. “Everyone who sticks around has to do it!”

“M-Mikey… I don’t…”

“You don’t…? You don’t know what the future test is! Duh!” He laughed heartily and then his voice came in a little too close to the receiver. “Junior is from the future, right? He’s knows the plug on all our futures, but refuses to spill. He says this mumbo jumbo about different timelines and how it could change things or the circumstances, blah, blah! The thing is, he’s got tells and we’ve totally sussed them out. That means we can’t know what he knows, but we can throw our new people in front of him to see if he knows them! Great, right?!”

You quieted and brought a thumb to the plump of your bottom lip.

Churning the information, you heard Mikey muffle as he talked to someone just off the receiver.

He was giving you processing space and you sorted through until you cleared your throat a little. “Your… No… Um… You w-want me to… meet Junior to see if… me and you, um, know each other… in the future? Or Knew…? Knew each other then? In that… timeline?”

“Exactly.” Mikey’s voice flowed with pride.

You smiled to yourself.

“So yeah, sounds like you’re in. What do you say we meet in like, what do you need? Twenty minutes?”

“What!?” You slammed the phone back to your ear. “Mi-minutes!?”

“Oh, sorry. Thirty? We’re about to hit the arcade. I’m sending the deets… Now!”

Your phone gave a weak vibration and a text preview appeared with an address at the top of the screen. “M-Mikey!”

“Tomorrow we’re going up to the cabin! It has to be tonight! Everyone else has Junior  booked!” Mikey whined and you could see him pleading. “Please!” 

This time you pinched your lip so hard you thought it might crack.

“I know short notice isn’t great for you. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

“My… my name…wasn’t enough?”

“No…” Mikey gave an understanding sigh. “He was just a kid. Didn’t always catch ‘em. He’s good with faces though…”

You gave a weary whine. “How… how f-far away did you say you… thought I was… from spontaneous outings…?”

Mikey chuckled. “Gotta be like six months at least! You are nowhere near ready enough!”

You sighed with a bitter chuckle. “Then I guess this really is important…”��

“It really is.” 

“I guess… I could… test drive…?”

“You don’t even have your license.” Mikey clicked his tongue.

“S-says the a-accident guy…!”

Mikey laughed.

You tapped the pin he’d dropped. “It’s… at least… f-fourty with traffic…”

“Take a cab, I’ll pay.”

“T-that’s-!”

“I’m calling last minute! I’m asking too much! I just got paid!” He sang. “I’m blowing it all! Big money!”

“O-okay…” You could tell he wouldn’t be moved. “I’ll t-text you when… I’m close?”

“Yes!” Mikey paused for a building. “Yes!! Great! See you soon!!”

You hummed an agreement and watched him hang up. Sitting in stasis for a moment because your whole evening was about to change, you let out a loud groan before rushing to get ready. Your heart rate stayed infernally elevated as you went on to fail at hailing four cabs, caught the fifth, and then sat in agonizing silence with a driver who kept flicking what looked like a glare at you through the rearview.

Tucking yourself as close to the door and wondering how to best keep your limbs when jumping out of a moving vehicle, city lights passed until your maps said you were close enough to text Mikey. Shooting out your imminent arrival along with the exact time table, you spied him on the street, waving frantically, as the cab pulled up to him.

“I got a fare, pal!” The driver rolled down the window.

“Yeah, for me! I’m paying!” Mikey waved a wad of cash.

“This you?” The man’s heavy brows glowered at you through the little mirror.

You squeaked and gave a furious nod.

“Thought you’d puke. Get out before you do.” The cabbie told you. 

Bobbing with confusion as that was why he’d been watching, you scurried out as Mikey paid the man.

“Let’s go!!” Mikey quickly got behind you to steer your shoulders.

“A-ah!” Your voice warbled as you shot through two sets of doors and the boisterous drone of dozens of arcade games filled your ears. A crack of a distant bowling alley came along next with prehensile chatter of bystanders. Not packed, but dotted with people, Mikey led you to where the others were gathered around a machine that loaded cards with points to play games.

“Everyone back off!” Mikey snapped once and jumped in front of you to act as a shield.

In your periphery you noted it was just the boys for this outing. They peacefully bowed their heads and backed up to reveal a man with a shock of black hair who still had his card in the machine.

“Almost…” The man held anticipation. “… got it! All by myself! Told you!” He turned and you caught a sliver of an adorable gap shining in his smile and a freshly loaded card in his hand before they both fell. “Not this again…”

“Future test!!!” Leo whooped.

“Mikey…” Junior sighed. “I keep telling you. All of you.” He did a quick sweep that the other’s dodged. “Me knowing someone is not an indication of who you will, should, or don’t end up with! My timeline was different! It changed!”

“Don’t care. Future test.” Mikey bobbed excitedly. “Ready?”

“No, but yes.” Junior shook his head knowing he too also wasn’t a match for Mikey’s determination.

You understood that well. 

The others watched on with curious eyes and Mikey stood straighter. He then swished his arms to the side. “Presenting…!”

You did a nervous jog in place.

“Y/N!” Mikey stepped away and you got a good look at the man that had to be around your age, if not a bit older.

You blinked at him once and brought your hand up from your hip in a tiny wave. “H-hello… N-nice to meet… you?”

Junior stared at your face, blinked a few times, and then did a single up and down.

Your lips crinkled as you waited.

Leo was the first to loudly groan and do a lap.

“Nice to meet you.” Junior held out his hand and his grin returned. “I’m Cassandra Jones Junior.”

You shook it. “Y/N… as Mikey said… I’ve, um, heard a lot about you…”

Mikey slid up to Junior’s side and interrupted his response. “Okay that looked like a fail, but you sure you haven't been practicing your poker face?”

“Poker?” Junior sneered. “I haven’t played since someone conned me out of all that money…” He sent a glare at Donnie who whistled his way behind Raph.

Mikey gave into a drop in his features for only a second before bouncing back and hopping towards the others. “Fine, fine!”

“C-Cassandra…?” You asked as the turtles huddled up to discuss.

“Oh, I thought you said…” Junior looked at you with surprise. “They told me you know this version of my mom… Was that not…?” 

“No…” You held up your hands. “I d-do! T-that’s not… It’s well… h-hard to s-see her with a kid..? Th-that sounds bad! I’m sorry!”

Junior took in your worries with a minor gawk and then waved you down. “No, no. I get it! You know she says she won’t bother having another because she wouldn’t be able to match my superior genes?”

You bobbed. “T-that… that’s f-flattering… from her…”

“Yeah, but also weird!” His arms dangled forward as he slumped. “She thinks I’m a powerful warrior because I was an apocalypse baby. I survived just like anyone else! It’s not like I was a super powered!”

“Ah…” You nodded to him and in the corner of your eye you saw the turtles break apart with jokingly bitter words. “You… had them…” 

Junior checked your eye line and then gave you a warm smile. “Exactly. I had the best senseis and masters you can have at the end of the world. You get it. That’s pretty cool.”

You turned to him in question.

“They tend to attract… Not like the same people as them, but…?”

Picturing the girls, you pursed your lip with understanding.

“The word ‘normal’ has been a tough one for me. I don’t like using it. Normal’s different all around the world.” Junior faced you openly. “I’ve been all over, but here… with them? Even though they aren’t… my them?”

“You feel… safe?” You leaned in a little.

Junior gave glowing embers before he burst into a fierce smile. “Exactly!”

“No new developments. Final conclusion is Y/N is an unknown.” Donnie eyed Junior with his goggles one last time before a flick tossed them back onto his head. “May I?”

Junior stepped out of the way so Donnie could fill his card.

“W-where… did… um… you just… get back from?” You asked, moving with Junior.

“Yemen!” Junior lit up and launched into talk about the humanitarian work he did.

You listened with rapt attention as he stumbled around an untidy timeline. Since Junior had never seen the world whole, he decided to go out to make the most of this one. It took him on a globetrotting adventure where he saw the best and worst of humanity. His passion and strong spirit then led him to aid efforts. Since he knew everything there was to know about survival, he quickly became integral in teaching his ways and being pulled to the harshest corners where he could held those in need. He found his work fulfilling and only seemed a little put out that he couldn’t come back to New York often.

The turtles got their cards situated and Raph pardoned an interruption to call the night a go. Junior apologized saying he would pick up the talk later and he and Leo quickly split for some fighting games with words about a previously interrupted competition. Donnie pointed Raph towards a rhythm game which the oldest told him he’d beat him like a boss at and you were left alone with Mikey.

“O-oh…” You looked around in the different directions everyone had gone. 

“Ah… Yeah, I forgot about this part…” Mikey swept a stray lock from his face. “This night’s been confusing and random for everyone, me included.” 

You waited for him to expand.

“I didn’t expect to drag you out, for one!” He lifted a hand up in demonstration. “The whole future test. The bets on the future test. Getting you to the future test. It was very future test related.” 

“It… didn’t look like it… worked?” You offered, unsure if the talk the guys were having was about split results.

“No…” Mikey looked off toward where Leo and Junior had gone. “Leo’s got the best eye for it. If he tapped out saying Junior doesn’t know you then that’s that. Not everyone has the same faith though so we met up to study Don’s goggle footage and deliberated. Nobody saw any tells, so Junior doesn’t know you…” 

You nodded, feeling a little guilty even though there was no way you had any influence over any of this. 

“Anyway! Enough about that! You’re here now! So, our whole arcade bit is: split up! We like too many different things and staff always ends up asking us to separate when we get stuck in one place too long, damages or whatever. We do… regroup at the end though! We try to pool our ticket points and see if a prize is worth it, one of the few things we sometimes can agree on, and that’s pretty much it!”

“Oh…” You shrank and tried to calculate how you were going to go about getting a game card.

Mikey held one up as casually as he could muster.

He looked like he was offering you a cigarette.

You giggled as you took it. “Mikey-”

“Consider it a thanks for coming out last minute.”

You nodded. “I’m g-getting a lot of those…” 

“It was a big ask! Stop!” He jeered. 

You feigned looking away as if you couldn’t help it. 

You both shared a laugh and then Mikey rocked on his heels while you waited for him to dictate a game he surely had in mind. 

He stopped while hunched forward and examined you long enough to realize you were waiting on him. 

“So, uh…” Mikey’s eyes flicked towards some cabinets with a grimace. “I guess maybe this is the part where the thanks stop…? Usually I’d be my best attendant self ever, but I have an IC card for Time Crisis and I’m beating it this time for sure!”

You stared.

Mikey sat still until he blinked with recognition. “And… I’m realizing you don’t know what any of that is.” 

You shook your head dutifully. 

“Man, Japanese gamemakers are on another level. Not greedy like Americans… well mostly, huh. It is and both isn’t a coin eating game. An IC card is like a paper memory card that saves your progress! You can jump back in where you left off without having to play the whole game again.” Mikey showed you his slip. 

You reviewed it genially. 

“I kinda had a whole plan to finally beat the game, which you can totally watch, but you might get bored so don’t feel like you’re stuck with me.” Mikey threw a thumb back where you assumed the cabinet was. 

“O-oh…” Your gaze lowered.

It wasn’t like you’d been able to prepare for much past getting here. 

You also guessed you had drummed up a little hope in that cab that you’d soon be playing games with your best friend. 

“I-I’m sorry!” He ducked his head to catch your eye. “This is how it is with us! We had an arcade in the lair for the longest time, so it’s like second nature. We don’t even think about it. I mean, this could be good though! Are there any games you want to play? You can scout! After I beat mine, I can come find you! I’m your bestest game buddy as soon as I’m done.”

You glanced at the space and didn’t have the heart to tell him you had never actually braved an arcade alone before.

“Or…!” Mikey leaned in. “Wandering around without a goal might be too much now that I’m thinking about it… Come with me and we’ll set a timer! Framework! Instead of being aimless, you’ll have a goal. When time’s up, you go find one of the guys! Do another timer and feel out the next. You can see the arcade with purpose. How’s that?”

“I guess… that works…” You reminded yourself Donnie was with Raph.

“Great! C’mon!” Mikey caught your hand and you were soon running through the twinkling lights. Winding through machines with learned ease, you were flung through the sensory cacophony. There were too many cabinets and you got little information off them before Mikey came to a halt and you crashed into him. “Woah!”

He righted you and gestured to one machine in particular. “Time Crisis!”

You stared at the distinct red and yellow pattern.

He went on to explain the plot he’d played through as he swiped his game card. He maneuvered screens without looking and the machine ate up his IC card when prompted. You stood by as his speech tapered off and he became engrossed in firing a little plastic gun. For a while you watched him, forgetting about the timer, and instead admired his aim. That went on until the action became a certain type of repetitive and your eye wandered to the surrounding cabinets. There were all kinds from newer ones geared towards kids to imports that had little to no English. Just as you were rounding from your search, a loud thwack startled you. It sounded distinct from other beeping noises and you tilted your head. You wondered what it could be paired with when you heard Mikey groan.

You returned to find he’d lost and was reloading a life. “How ya doing?”

“A-alright…!”

He flicked you a knowing look before getting back to the game. “I’m remembering we forgot to set that  timer.” 

You lowered your head in shame. 

“You could start one now…” His voice pitched with a teasing edge. 

He knew you were losing interest. 

He was going to make you say it. 

“I… I’m going to…” You tried. 

“Fighting cabinets are toward the UFO Catchers and to the right of the prize counter. Can’t miss them.”

Having a map soothed you. “Thank you…”

“Have fun!” He fired off a few shots.

You parted with more appreciation before hearing him yell after you.

“Try the first game that catches your eye!”

They all did so how were you supposed to choose?

Setting that aside, you instead focused on following your scant instructions.

Walking a mostly straight line, you came to row after row of claw games and passed through them with a wandering eye. A few toys looked cute, but the rigged nature of the game kept you from trying one. For now, you passed them up and looked up the prize kiosk before turning the appropriate right. A straight line revealed dozens of cabinets with little stools and Junior and Leo sat side by side among them.

“Get good!” Leo elbowed Junior.

“You’re mad cause I’ve beaten you three times in a row!” Junior dodged and spoke through his bitten tongue.

“You’re cheating cause you have an arcade stick at home!”

“I have five and can’t even use them here!”

“But you get practice in your down time! Online play! Blech!” Leo blew a raspberry and went ham on smashing some buttons.

“H-hey!” Junior huffed having been distracted.

Keeping a certain distance, you watched and saw that, even though they were at different booths, they were clearing playing against each other.

“Hey, Y/N!” Leo responded without ever having looked.

You jolted.

“Wanna play me after?” Leo tossed. 

“You play winners!” Junior mocked.

“Loser says what?”

Junior sat in studious silence which caused Leo to get just annoyed enough that he turned to glare.

The game made a loud noise and when Leo returned he cursed.

“Guess you’re playing me!” Junior spun in his stool with that flaming smile.

Your hands went up and your game card flickered between your fingers. “O-oh… I-I h-haven’t…!”

“You just mash the buttons. Newbies sometimes win cause of it!” Leo hopped one seat over and offered you his. “One time won’t hurt.”

You nervously looked between the pair's encouragement and sat down.

“First you pick a character…” Junior and Leo walked you through the process.

Junior then held back as Leo showed you some of the more minute controls. You got in a few hits before the game started up. Much slower than what you had glimpsed from the previous pair, Junior still won, but Leo urged you to go again. You played about five rounds before the tittering excitement made your hands start to shake.

“Tag in!” Leo tapped a nervous digit and you evacuated his seat. “Where you headed next?”

Opting to stand behind them, you stared at the back of Leo’s head.

“You’re scoping the joint out, right? You’re a total deer caught in headlights.”

You shifted. “T-that… obvious?”

“Only cause you look like this guy.” Leo tipped his head toward Junior. “We still surprise him with stuff now and then.”

“I’ve experienced things you can’t even imagine.” Junior’s smile flickered as he played.

“Yeah, yeah, but New York will always have that n'est pas!”

“Je ne sais quoi.” Junior pressed the vowels mockingly. 

“Wah! I was a baby of the apocalypse! Get new material!” Leo laughed. “Ha!! Got you!”

“Low blow!” Junior hissed having lost.

You smiled fondly at the pair before turning. Not moving away just yet, you ran your eyes over more machines and a line of doors. Imagining they were for private parties, you heard a holler that sounded very much like Raph cheering.

“Someone’s playing PPR.” Junior chuckled.

“Go check it out, Y/N. Follow the karaoke doors.” Leo lifted his hand long enough to throw a thumb.

“Those are karaoke rooms?” You wondered.

“Yeah, but we probably won’t do that tonight. Junior’s trying to save his voice.”

“I have to talk to the family, don’t I!?” Junior rolled his neck and you could tell it was his eyes without seeing them.

“T-thank you…” You quietly murmured.

“Uh huh! Sure, sure! Junior, dangit!!” Leo lit with renewed anger. 

Leaving the pair, you led up to the wall and avoided interrupting the privacy of the karaoke rooms. As soon as you shirked the first glass window, you saw straight down a line where Raph was excitedly jumping up and down on a dance machine.

Donnie wasn’t there.

Heart sinking at the prospect of having to find him, you headed towards the oldest turtle before you heard a bang. It sounded like that same strange one from Mikey’s cabinet and sounded closer since a chorus of kids yelling followed chase it. You searched high and low for wherever the gaggle was, but you couldn’t find them by the time you reached Raph.

He did a spin, hitting multiple arrows on a dance pad at once when he saw you. “Y/N!”

“H-hey…”

“Jump on in, I’ll hang back on the song selection while you swipe your card in three… two… one…!” In a few more taps, Raph got a stellar letter score and wiped his brow.

“I don’t…” You frowned at the machine.

“No judgment. Raph used to suck at these. It’s all practice.”

Gaze low, you thought you should at least try and climbed up onto the adjoining game pad.

“That’s the spirit!” Raph cycled through the songs. “We’ll start with an easy one…”

You nodded and tested out stepping after getting your player marked up as two.

Raph activated the song and spoke each direction out loud as he did them. Between him and the screen, it helped you at first until you got mixed up and fell out of sync. The screen scolding you, you nearly fled when Raph stopped mid-game and pressed himself to the bar that separated your two platforms.

“Hey.” He greeted you casually.

“R-raph…!” You gestured to where his score was plummeting.

“It’s just a game.” Raph folded his arms as if it didn’t interest him. “How’s it going?”

Blinking and still not sure if you could just stop, you struggled before giving him a nod.

“Mike treating you right?”

You blinked so fast that you shook. “Y-yes, o-of course!”

“Good.” Raph nodded. “He gets excited.”

You knew that well.

“Hey, we lost!” Raph glanced with a snaggletooth smile and started up another game that he continued to ignore. “Surprised Donnie didn’t catch ya.”

Your chest tightened. “I don’t…”

“’Is okay.” Raph tipped his head with closed eyes. “Watching the two of you talk the other day was something.”

“I didn’t…”

He reached out only enough to get your attention. “I’m not saying nothing. I’m just saying you looked happy. You look happy with Mike too. I’m glad.”

Your defenses lowered some.

“Doesn’t matter who. Compared to the first time we met you, you looked like you were ready to jump out of your skin. Now look at you! Losing with the best of ‘em!”

You glanced to see the screen still complaining.

“We forget sometimes. Not just us, us, but like… what do they say? The royalty ‘us?’ Whatever, people forget how much effect they have on others. Sometimes ya gotta point it out. Look at all you did for Mike. I’m glad we returned the favor… Or two of us did…? Or just him…?” Raph was clearly puzzled. 

“What… could I have done for… Mikey?”

“You changed each other.” Raph lobbed you a meaningful grin. “For the better.”

You had noticed a shift, but you had thought that was Mikey trying to accommodate you.

“Mike’s always been confident in himself, but we haven’t had the best track record believing in him.” Raph leaned so heavily on the bar it creaked. 

You checked it with a flick of your eye. 

Raph seemed none the wiser. “He’s spooked you a few times. You get it, but lately he’s been… more present? When he was younger, baby bro and all, not paying attention is one thing, but then… Ugh…” 

Your worried eye moved to the man. 

Raph wiped a hand over his beak. “He gets results in a roundabout way…” He snapped. “His way!” 

“R-right…” You couldn’t disagree with that. 

“Which doesn’t always… account for others. He’s like the most selfish selfless guy on the planet.” He chuffed. 

You pondered with a scrunched brow. 

“But you… saw him different.” 

Your lip pursed. 

“Not the box we put him in.” 

Your gaze softened. 

“As something more, like the sun doesn’t shine without him.” 

You startled and searched Raph. 

“Different than hero worship…” He seemed to be juggling words. “Different… Good different. He saw something too. You saw each other as more than meets the eye.” 

The machine made an abysmal noise and pulled both your attentions. 

“Ah, we got kicked!” Raph only glanced at the ‘faliure’ written on the screen and scanned back in. “Wanna try again?” 

“No…” You stepped off the pads. “I’m… I have a lot…” You adjusted your posture to face Raph head on. “I mean… T-thank you…”

Raph hummed with gentle compassion and turned to pick a song. “Don’s still at the drums. He’s mad I beat him.”

“I was… going to… Uh… Mikey was at… Time Crisis so…”

Raph shrugged and returned to dancing.

Not wanting to interrupt further, you trailed away. Spatially, you thought you were to the east of Mikey’s cabinet was which meant if you cut west you could find him. That also meant you’d be going through uncharted territory which concerned you. Glancing back and wondering how Leo and Junior would react to you passing by a second time, you looked down a new line of games and inched forward with the intention to be brave. You saw few people as you venture forward and, from glances at the machines, these games seemed like ones that weren’t as obviously attractive. You took solace in the fact that you wouldn’t be in anyone’s way and felt more comfortable in walking at a leisurely pace.

Without anyone to worry about, you took your time to review each selection. The games here were primarily in other languages which was what you guessed was keeping others from playing. As if to make up for the folly, each machine had a video screen with visual instructions on the game mechanics. You watched a few seconds of each as you drifted down the line until you reached one that had half a fake table sitting within its confines.

There weren’t any controls and the whole machine was set low to the ground. You stooped a bit on approach so you could easily look at the screen. On it, an angry person flipped the table and the wreckage that followed decimated everything in its path. Little polygonal people kept their neutral faces as they were tossed about and things like hitting office supplies seemed to garner extra points. Chuckling at how ridiculous it was, you reached down and patted the table’s plastic surface. The object immediately bounced underhand and knowing that it had a spring mechanism made you connect the banging sounds you had kept hearing to this game.  

Pulling your hand back, you stepped away, wary, and trailed toward where Mikey was. Without realizing it you had stepped out far enough to glimpse him. In just a sliver you could tell he was still firing his plastic gun. You didn’t catch his eye so you walked over. Instead of bothering him, you stared on the screen as a digital gun representing him fired away at miscreants. He eventually caught wind of your presence and checked in with how things were going. You told him about the fighting and dance games to which he nodded and gave you little factoids about the brother’s preferences.

“Was Dee not playing PPR?”

“Uh!” You turned away and hoped he was distracted. “R-raph said… he was… still playing drums…”

“Taiko’s fun! How’d you like that one? You didn’t mention it.”

“I didn’t… There…” You lifted your gaze. “There was this… um… like… table flipping game?”

“Table… table?” Mikey murmured first before he lit up. “Oh! Chabudai something! I know that one! That’s a silly one. It doesn’t give tickets or anything. It’s like stress relief.”

“It’s… loud…”

“Yeah!” Mikey reloaded. “That’s what’s so fun about it! Bang! Ha! Take that judgey family! I had a tough day!”

You tried to make yourself smaller.                                                                                  

“If you’re looking for something easier on the ears, there’s a piano game that’s pretty fun.” Mikey took aim. “It’s behind me kinda. The tower!”

You turned and located the black and white pillar.

“A calm game might be your speed?”

“O-oh…” That did sound nice.

“Hey.” He stopped and turned to you. “Are you having fun?”

“Y-yes!” You leaned away from his attention.

Mikey frowned and studied you closely.

Your chin dipped down into your body to hide.

The game said he was getting injured.

“Fifteen minutes and I’ll find you so we can explore the prizes.”

You did like a timeline. “Y-you s-sure?”

“Yeah.” Mikey’s features complained and returned to his game. “I’m still too far to beat it apparently.” He gave a loud sigh that turned wistful. “One day!”

“One day.” You reassured him and trailed toward the piano game. It had a seat so you sat down and had time to review the game before you started. The keys were too large and too few to look like a real piano, but you tapped away in rhythm. It was the perfect amount of calming and distracting that they time flew by until Mikey came to fetch you. He regaled you in his game’s history as you slipped past a sleeping attendant and into the prize area. Wandering the brightly lit space felt like a stark contrast to the arcade floor. You and Mikey alternated showing each other the silliest items you could find. From giant glasses to gaudy hats where the ears could flap, you laughed at golden poop and mimicked an electronic lucky cat.

You soon broke apart where Mikey was doing math for a skateboard and you checked the glass counter where both the cheapest and more elusive small prizes were held. Down near the bottom was a series of tiny plush key chains that looked like they would have been more at home in the claw machines. They were clearly dog-like, but their shape was strange. Their eyes gazed up at you with a quality of sad puppies begging to be adopted in a shelter. Squatting down to study them, you found they were some kind of brand name unknown to you and seemed to have something to do with beans based on their names. The longer you stared the cuter you thought they were.

“Hey, Don!” Mikey suddenly chirped.

You hunkered further down where you were.

“Michael.” Donnie addressed breezily.

“So let’s say I came here every day, for five hours a day, do you think I could get that skateboard?”

There was only a second of silence. “With that time frame, I estimate five years.”

“Years?! No way!”

“With the games you play.”

“I’m good!”

“True, but you need to play with tickets in mind.”

“Ugh, the ticket games are boring!” Mikey groaned.

“Five years.” Donnie repeated.

“Five years.” Mikey clicked his tongue, annoyed. “You hear that, Y/N!?”

Your body tipped and your arms flailed to keep you upright. “U-uh… y-yeah!”

“Find something?” Mikey’s voice wandered up behind you.

“N-no…” You got yourself upright and took little steps in place to shake out your legs.

“Liar. What are those?” Mikey dropped similar to how you had been and pointed at the plushes. “‘Mameshiba?’”

“A pun.” Donnie loomed overhead. “Bean dogs.”

“They’re gross shaped.” Mikey chuckled and tipped his head back to you. “Which did you like? I’ll get one for you.”

You waved your hands furiously to stop him. “N-no…! I w-was just l-looking!”

“You sure?” Mikey hopped up to his full height and his grin grew smarmy. “Ah, I see…” 

You looked around, not sure where that was coming from.

“You like the orange one.” He tossed an arm over your shoulders to rock you back and forth. “It’s okay. I know I have a trademark, but I’ll let you in on it just this once. What do you say?”

“O-orange?” You had to look because you hadn’t noticed one in that color.

A little guy with glasses in the back stared back at you.

A frown must have painted your lips because Donnie had to turn with bubbles of laughter.

“H-hey!” Mikey’s offense skyrocketed. “H-he’s like smart or something! He’s cute!”

You chewed on a smile.

“Rude.” Mikey released you.

Donnie returned and glanced down at the case for his own look.

“Wanna help me max tickets in your boring way?” Mikey looked over Donnie expectantly.

“Not with that attitude.” Donnie returned one for his insolence. “I came in here to grab something.”

Mikey’s head lolled with surprise. “You said the stuff in here is ‘cheap crap you can literally buy anywhere else for half the price.’”

“True.” Donnie gave a nod. “There is also a children’s science set available here that was banned in the states due to its volatile nature. Overseas shipping price and times are nonsensical. I wish to recreate said results.” A growing grin split wickedly across his face.

Mikey rolled his eyes as if it couldn’t be helped. “We’ll start without you! Meet up at the fish game!”

“Coins make more sense!” Donnie yelled after as Mikey led you out.

You helped Mikey with a few games until Donnie joined. He kept back and walked Mikey through strategies to maximize ticket output. You listened curiously for a while and were almost conscripted into the fervor, but your distraction was just enough that only the two brothers got sucked in. They went back and forth, cheering when a load of coins would fall and you looked across the room to where that table flipping game was.

You had already forgotten what Mikey had called it.

It was too disruptive.

You wondered what kind of timeline it would take for you to be able to play it without worry.

It seemed as unlikely as you flipping a real table which struck you as a comical image. You couldn’t imagine yourself getting that mad. The closest you’d come was knocking a drink over at a restaurant once and your family had berated you all night long until you’d cried. Shoving that memory down, the only scenario you could come up with for actually flipping a table would be one of distraction so you could run.

Gaze lowering, you matched patterns on the dizzying arcade carpet.

“If we keep this up it’ll be skateboard time!”

“The cards are only worth triple. Unlikely!” Donnie scolded.

“Cards, smards!” Mikey responded and a coin fall sounded. “Let’s go!”

“Guys!” Leo ran up with several plushies hanging from his jacket. “Guess what?!”

“We’re busy getting a skateboard!” Mikey responded.

“It’s not likely!” Donnie chased him.

“Whatever.” Leo rolled his eyes at them and then landed on you as the likely prospect to listen. “One of the claw machines is busted and you’re guaranteed a prize!”

You blinked.

“Want one?” Leo gestured to his full color set.

“Um…”

“Not these. These are mine!” Leo turned his body away protectively. “I meant I’ll show you which machine.”

“Um…” You glanced at the two other brothers still playing their slots. “S-sure?”

Leo nodded you along and you followed just a step behind him.

“How many games have you played?” He tossed over his shoulder.

“Four…? I think…?”

“Not a lot.” Leo didn’t look back and maneuvered you to a UFO catcher.

“No…” You admitted sullenly.

Leo offered the machine to you and you didn’t miss how he scanned his card for you to play.

You looked over your options as the game twinkled out a melody.

Leo leaned against the adjacent machine and watched.

Studying closely, you picked a likely toy candidate that was also cute and moved the claw into position.

“Be honest.”

You almost pushed the button to release too early. “W-what…?”

“What are you avoiding?”

You split tiny glances between him and the game. “I’m… not… I…”

“There’s a game, isn’t there? Which game are you not playing?” He seemed to clarify, but there was something in his tone that made you think that wasn’t what he was referring to.

Getting the claw in place, you hit the drop button and didn’t watch the machine go about its capture. “Leo… I’m sorry… I don’t… I’d rather… not…t-think about… it. The night’s… almost over…”

You could feel Leo watch for a moment before he sucked in a breath and sighed. “You won.”

You grabbed your prize and stared into the plushie’s cold gaze.

You almost missed the bean dogs’ curious gaze. 

You weren’t sure if you really wanted this other one, but you pulled it close. 

“Change your mind or don’t…” He ruminated. “It’s not really my business, but I think you should at least make a choice. I get not making a choice is choosing too, but…”

You glanced to see his beak wrinkled.

“Kind of a boring, don’t you think?”

“Boring… can be… fun?” You held your plush to your chest.

“Sure, if you know you’ll get a prize.” Leo nodded to your win. “Unknown’ll get you farther. Risk-reward and all that. Isn’t that what you were doing? Risking it for the going out biscuit?”

You wondered how much Mikey had told him.

Leo shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets.

“I…”

“Hm?” There was an airy tone to him like he knew you’d bring something up.

You weren’t sure you liked that. “I… w-want… to… f-flip a table…”

He snorted loudly. “What!? What does that mean!? Flip a table?!”

You scrambled. “T-there’s a-a g-game..!”

“A game?!” He reared with laughter. “I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“T-there i-is!” You pointed feebly.

“Show me.” He seemed unconvinced amongst his giggles.

You pursed your lips and tripped over your feet as you started to move. Just barely catching yourself, you moved with as much determination as you could muster over to said machine.

“Oh, this thing!” Leo gave a few more plucked strings of chuckles. “Let’s see it then! Show me your rage!”

You wilted at the actual prospect. “Oh… um…. “

Leo reached into your person and you whimpered before he showed that he’d stolen your game card. You frowned at him and watched as he scanned it into the game system before offering it back.

You snatched it from him.

“Guess you gotta flip!” Leo took a step back and waited.

Heart racing out of your ears, you drowned in the rush and caught the edges of the table. An announcer yelled at you in Japanese before a countdown started. Feeling very much like you would pass out right as it hit whatever number it was leading to, you squeezed your eyes shut as it screamed at you to go. With a surge, you meant to throw your force into the flip, but a cropping of nervous sweat meant the table slipped from you without smashing all the way back.

You stared a sort of numb as you watched barely anything in the room get knocked over and the game sneered at your terrible score.

Leo sniveled beside you.

You turned to find his whole body quaking with withheld laughter.

“Look at you go! Look at your f-fiery s-spirit!” He choked out. “G-good j-job!’ 

“I-I messed up!” You quacked and slammed your card through the scanner again.

It pinged with another game and you wiped your hands off before grabbing the table. Only wanting to make Leo stop, you gripped tightly and the countdown started. Each tick came with a strange distorted memory of you hiding away and by the time the game called, you roared to meet it. Feeling like fire was in your eyes, you tossed the table up so hard, it smashed into the machine. The resounding clatter blew your ears out and the table flapped on its springs. Bouncing up for a second crash, you stumbled backward and fell to the ground. On screen, destruction wreaked havoc and you watched multiple walls get blown out before a party started up.

There was a slow clap beside you, but you couldn’t look away from the game until it returned to playing idle animations.  

“Now that’s the stuff.” Leo offered a hand.

You took it, gawking at him.

You’d done it.

No one was coming to yell.

It was so loud.

Was any of it real?

“Wanna share the good news or keep it between us?” Leo asked genuinely as he let go.

“Us.” The sound popped out of you nearly as fast as you’d just played. “Um…”

“Just us.” Leo confirmed. “Let’s go meet up with the others. Unless you wanna keep throwing down?”

“O-one is e-enough…” You fell in line close to him and he passed you a proud smile.

You were going for a full house of impressing the turtles.

You had no idea what you’d do with that kind of win.

Returning to where Raph had been added to the coin army, Junior soon came along and he walked you through a few more games while the brothers went all out for the skateboard. Time passed and you heard what seemed like rare stories shared as you moved around racking up experience points in a literal sense. Merging the groups at a later time meant you caught Mikey with his prize in hand. He tore into the box for the expectant crowd only for everyone to immediately realize it was a child’s skateboard. Way too small for actual use, Mikey toyed with it anyway as if he hadn’t wanted to admit his coveted item was a dud.

Exchanging your tickets for some candy, you split with the boys as you all walked outside. Fulfilled and hearing them bemoan the early hours they needed to leave for the trip, you listened comfortably to their excitement. Splinter and Draxum would be joining them and it would be an entire affair. April and Casey were meant to drive up later and there was talk of which rest stop they were going to hit. Everyone seemed on board and ready for more family time and you ruminated what that was like. They still lived together, had grown in different ways, but still excitedly pursued time together.

They were something special and you were glad you’d gotten a chance to know them.

Nearing a point only a few blocks from your apartment, you felt everyone idle at the separation point. Raph lamented not getting food at the arcade and Junior asked Mikey to make nachos. Mikey said it wasn’t time for that and that he was missing a few ingredients. One crestfallen look from Junior had Mikey backpedaling about how he could do grilled cheeses instead and that seemed to hit the guys in a nostalgic way. Presumably a childhood delicacy, you watched on favorably while feeling the pull of your time to go.

“T-thanks…. Everyone…” You snuck in between lulls in conversation.

“Oh!” Mikey bobbed. “Want me to walk you?”

“I-it’s only a couple m-minutes.” You dismissed him politely.

“Mkay. Text me.” Mikey offered a fist bump and you took it.

“Night!” Junior waved. “Nice meeting you.”

“See ya!” Raph grinned.

Leo shot you a peace sign and Donnie gave a little nod of his head.

You bobbed yours back and hoped you weren’t obviously averting your eyes to instead give Mikey the final goodbye. “Have a good trip.”

“For sure!” Mikey waved after you and you took off.

The first thing you did was check that you hadn’t dropped your plush. It watched you at the ready and you picked a bit of fluff off its face while wondering if you should name it. It probably already had a name like the bean dogs so you turned it over to check the tag. It was written in a language you couldn’t read and you tried to figure out what sort of internet search could reveal it. 

Soft fluffy crane game prize?

Round orb plush UFO?

Staring plushie doll Japanese?

An arm grabbed yours and pulled.

You had a scream on your lips but something musty slammed over them.

Shoved and then tossed, your knees scraped the ground and you lost your toy.

“W-wha…?” You came out of a wince to find you were staring down black boots.

You were in an alley.

Mugged.

You were getting mugged.

Your heart slammed in your chest cavity.

Stupid.

You always watched.

You never once let your guard down.

You were smart.

You were wary.

You paid attention.

You had forgotten because you were thinking about search phrases. 

Why had you let something so stupid distract you?

“Empty your pockets.” A gruff voice spoke above you.

You knew the procedure.

In a scramble with your head down, you tossed the person everything you had.

You even made a show of touching your socks to illustrate nothing was hidden in them.

“T-that’s… e-every…thing… I did-didn’t…s-see y-you… p-p-please…!”

The mugger choked on a laugh. “What the fuck?”

You kept your hands out and obvious while refusing to look up.

“You just rolled over? Wow…!” You saw clips of gloved hands grab your belongings. “Never been so easy. What’s wrong with you?”

You squeezed your eyes shut and waited.

A boot made contact with your face.

Not a kick, more of a pressure, he forced your head up.

Tears fled down your cheeks as you refused to open your eyes.

“Look at me.”

You couldn’t shake your head. “T-that’s… a-all… I-I… h-have…!”

“I said-” Something cold and sharp bit into your cheek. “Look.”

You cracked your lids and saw a man with stubble staring down at you along with the hilt of his knife.

“You’re a scared one…”

This time you nodded.

The knife slid along the plump of your cheek.“Shame. I always thought I wanted it easy. Guess I got used to a little complaining. It doesn’t feel like I earned it otherwise.”

Your eyes widened.

“You’re really just gonna keep crying?” Keeping the knife steady, he used his other hand to fist your shirt.

You squeaked as he yanked you up. 

Something whistled through the air.

You screwed your eyes shut and tried not to vomit as you waited for impact.

Metal came in contact with flesh and the gush that followed was one etched into your very core.

You dropped to the ground and felt the wet pavement cut your palms.

A second strike happened and this one came with a splat against bricks.

“Y/N!”

You shuddered, waiting for consciousness to fade.

Of course, Donnie’s voice would be the last you heard.

Stupid imagination.

“Y/N!” Your shoulders were taken.

A shake opened your eyes.

There was light pollution marring the murky blacks.

The clip of brick.

The mouth of an alley.

You were alive.

“Hey!”

Your head lolled down to where Donnie was fervently petting your cheek.”Y/N? Can you hear me? Were you injured?”

Yeah, you meant to say, you were hit by…

Nothing.

You were fine.

Suddenly fighting to get away, Donnie lifted his hands in a show of release and you scrambled backward.

Laying on the ground behind him was the mugger in a heap.

Slung through one of Donnie’s arms was a large staff.

The silver tip of it was darkened.

“D-Don…nie?”

“Hey… It’s okay…” He continued to hold his hands up. “I went to make sure you made it and found… this.”

“You… what…? Why…?” Your brain screamed about the point.

“You… should have texted…” Donnie’s gaze flicked away exactly one time. “After seven minutes and me asking three times for Mikey to check his messages, Leo told me to go look if I was so worried… I… left right then.”

“Mikey…”

“Said you were probably settling in…”

“Mikey…” Tears burned your vision. “Why…?” 

“Are you okay…? I don’t blood, but that doesn’t mean-”

“Why you!?”

His gaze opened up.

“Why…!?” You choked on a sob. “I-it c-can’t b-be you! You know that! I k-know you know!!”

Donnie’s fingers curled into fists. “I… see…”

“I’m… not hurt… Not p-physically…” You tried to get up, but fear had taken your legs.

“I called the police, if you want to make a statement…”

Another sob broke from you, but it was enough to get you upright. You stumbled and watched Donnie in your periphery struggle to keep himself from catching you. You felt all the worse for it because you wanted him to and made it a few steps out of the alley before you felt compelled to see the scene of the crime for what it was.

It was a dirty alley. 

The mugger was on the ground. 

Donnie looked up at you from where he was gathering your belongings.

More tears came and you tucked yourself against a brick to keep what was left of you together. He seemed to get everything and then came to stand quietly behind you. From there you moved, watching bitterly for every shadow as you headed straight to your apartment. The walk a short one, it was still enough time that you got space and clarity.

A cop car whizzed by.

You watched it drearily as you reached your stoop. You stopped just shy of the first step and gave a nasally sigh as your nose was plugged. A hanky appeared over your shoulder. You went to take it when you saw a silver thing clutching it instead of a green hand. Turning out of deadened surprise, you found some sort of mechanical arm coming out of Donnie’s back. You pinched unconsciously at the tissue and the mechanism let go to disappear back into his person. Not having enough energy to deal with that, you blew your nose far louder than you were proud of. Smearing the still clean parts over your face for any semblance of decency, you hid behind the cloth to look at him.

His eyes were down to give you privacy.

“I’m… sorry…” You croaked. “I…want to t-thank you… for saving me…”

He gave a single nod.

“That… wasn’t fair… I’m sorry… I don’t know where… that came from… I don’t know… where I’d b-be if you h-hadn’t…” Tears rushed you again and you despised them.

He surfaced with worry. “No… You’re right… It shouldn’t have been me. I should have forced Mikey-”

You shook your head. “No… I mean… I just…”

Donnie met you with a pinched expression. “You’re sure you aren’t hurt?”

You nodded. “You… got there just in time…”

“I should call Mikey.” He went for his phone.

Your hand pushed into his stiff chest to stop him.

You both startled at the appendage.

“S-sorry…!” You scrubbed away errant tears. “I can’t… handle him… like this…”

Donnie continued to stare at your hand.

You wanted to hug him so badly.

He would hold you. 

You knew he would. 

He would offer that same comfort he always did.

Even if he didn’t return the hold, it’d flood you.

Those ridiculous feel good chemicals that came from an illogical source.

You couldn’t fold.

Not as you were.

You were too weak.

You’d just been mugged.

You’d been threatened.

That man was going to hurt you.

You pressed into Donnie as more tears came.

He swept you up tight against him and you soaked his shirt for a length of time that you lost count of.

“I’m sorry!” You choked against him on repeat.

Each cry came out more wrangled than the last and the phrase refused to stop.

He seemed to squeeze more with each utterance and you hated how much better it made you feel.

Him.

He was warm.

Him.

He was safe.

Him.

You turned your head to try to make use of what was left of the hanky.

He petted your head as you did so.

“It’s gross…” Your voice broke.

“Very.”  He agreed without delay.

You bobbed with a bit of comedy against him.

“I have another.”

“Give it.” You held out your hand and a mechanical arm gave you another tissue.

You blew your nose again and felt the way Donnie twitched ever so slightly with disgust.

When you came up, you cleared your throat and looked at him.

He stared down with a swirling gaze.

Concern.

Care.

More.

“Damnit, Donnie…” You grumbled, leaning into him.

He nodded above you.

“We can’t keep doing this…” You pushed him back.

He slid away save for his hands at your elbows.

Even that was an act of attrition.

“I’ve… I’ve been trying to avoid you…” You told him. 

“I know.”

“I’m sorry…” You threw your head up. “That sounds terrible…!”

“It makes sense.”

“But you…!” You gestured to him and it broke your arms from his hold.

It brought you a little closer to eye level.

His gaze was down.

“I don’t want to…” You whispered.

He slowly blinked before looking up at you. “I’ve had a thought.”

You leaned against the railing.

“This could not be a worse time to share this and I’d labeled this particular idea as… absurd. You see, I have many ideas that aren’t applicable to anything. Be it because the technology doesn't exist yet or fleeting one’s that society frowns upon.” 

From the hanky giving robot you’d just seen, you figured the former was one he could easily rectify.

“In this case, I thought it would never come up. I assumed this would pass or you would not be receptive.”

You needed to see him better.

You took another step back and it raised you to his height.

He looked over your maneuver before shuffling as far forward as he could to close the gap between you.

You held out a hand.

He took it.

“I see… and correct if I’m wrong, that we both feel it… Are we drawn to one another?”

You nodded and added your other hand.

His second joined and split the pair.

A hand for a hand.

“I’ve long considered how to dispel it. It’s… good…” There was heavy disdain in the word. “… to hear we agree…”

You swayed slightly.

He felt it too. 

He liked you. 

How?

Why?

He bobbed as if to hurry. “I believe it’s the taboo.”

You jarred still.

“I’ve considered every possibility and the list of aggravations is aggressively long. There’s, for one, my penchant for wanting objects I’m expressively told I can’t have. I also dislike being told what to do and try to find work arounds to get what I want.”

“I think this is different from being told not to… hack the… Pentagon… or… something…”

A glint in his gaze said that was a likely scenario. “We also have to acknowledge the timing. It’s why I’m stalling! Scientifically, we can prove that no matter what your answer is, you are not in your right mind. By that means, it can only be labeled manipulation which is why I’m trying not to say it because you will be swayed regardless and-” 

You pulled on his hands to reign him in. 

He gave you a withered look before it was clear he gave in. “I will stress that this is only a hypothesis, but I believe we can dispel these feelings if we acknowledge them. If the allure is only for that which we cannot have, then we see to it and move on.”

“Isn’t that what we just did…?” You leaned into him.

He came his own marked distance. “I was thinking… something more concrete…” 

“We say it…? Your face smoked with growing embers. 

“I like you.” Donnie said, his own skin looking flush. 

“I… like you… too.” You responded. 

For a moment it felt like your tethered fingers were the only thing keeping you from floating away. 

Then Donnie winced. “It’s not enough.” 

In an intangible way, you agreed. 

You only wanted more.

You wanted to hear it again. 

You didn’t want to let go. 

It seemed obvious that he didn’t either. 

“This was what I feared.” He squeezed your hands. “A confession under duress is one thing…” 

You had a dawning thought. “Saying it… wasn’t what you meant. That wasn’t your thought.” 

He looked painfully guilty. 

“How…?” You tried to catch his eye and translate your presence. 

He checked first then studied you. 

You waited, feeling a little more stable by the second. 

“A… kiss…” He finally admitted and his gaze flicked down to your lips and back up. “One. That is how we dispel the desire. That’s tangible. We both acknowledge this was a mistake of greener grass and nothing more.”

“One…?” You drew close enough that you could feel the heat of his breath.

“One…” He confirmed and had to blink heavily to keep his eyes open. “I dislike the state you’re in. These circumstances…”

“Would we even be talking about this otherwise?”

He searched you.

“How… long were we going to pretend this wasn’t happening? It… hurts. I hate… the feeling. I hate feeling like I’m doing something behind Mikey’s back… You’re right… I was just mugged!” You shook your head. “But we like each other and knowing that-!” 

Your heart stuffed itself into your throat.

It felt great to hear. 

Donnie’s confession was still running on repeat in the back of your mind. 

For the terrible thing that had happened tonight, you imagined in the long run you wouldn’t remember it. 

You’d remember this. 

Euphoria flooded your veins.

“How long, indeed…?” His lids lowered and you could tell he was imagining possibilities. “I guess until one of us moved on and made a smarter choice or until it drove us mad and we did something out of sheer desperation.”

“Is it dopamine?”

His head tipped with in question.

“When you cry. Is that…?”

“Oxytocin and endogenous opioids…” He caught your meaning.

“Sure…” It hadn’t really mattered which, you just needed him to understand “Don’t they… make your head clearer too…?”

Donnie’s gaze flicked as he processed. “I suppose… the parasympathetic nervous system does shift the body out of fight or flight… You know the opposite is called ‘rest and digest,’ but it’s not a term that’s often used…” He trailed off sheepishly.

You smiled and very much wanted to kiss him just cause.

You also wanted to listen to him. 

You wanted this, forever. 

“I’m sorry…” His thumb caressed your knuckles. 

“What I meant was… I can make this decision. Yes, you saved me. Yes, what just happened was haunting. Yes, I’m indebted to you, but I also owe you way too much already. It won’t sway me…”

“You’re… agreeing?” He balked. “That we should kiss?”

“One.” You nodded. “We need to… move on. To stop this. I don’t… I don’t want to be scared to be around you.”

Donnie gave a withheld nod. “I refuse to hurt Mikey.”

“I wish I could say the same.” You gave him a watery look. 

He understood and leaned his beak into your cheek for reassurance. 

He was there. 

You pressed hard into him and turned it into a nuzzle. 

For those blissful seconds of contact, it felt like your worries melted away. 

He pulled away like he had to. 

“We shouldn’t…” 

“I know…” You softened in spite of yourself.

Donnie ate the expression up.

“Isn’t that the point…?” 

Donnie gave a bare nod. 

“None of this makes sense so one… and the magic is gone.”

Donnie shook himself out and adjusted his posture as if to decide that was the truth. “It was mystique. We wanted the unknown. Now, we’ll know and be better for it.”

“This is the choice. My choice.” You mumbled, feeling ghosted by a strange memory.

Donnie took you in with an arched brow.

You gave him your best hopeful smile and tried to translate you weren’t sure how to explain it. “Risk-reward.”

“Which am I?” His curious air shifted to a teasing one.

“Let’s see...?” You moved closer.

You both stood staring at each other for what felt like too long.

Your lips pursed to break the silence and he leaned in.

It surprised both of you.

Sharing the farce and nerves, it brought the two of you together. Arms slipping away to make room for bodies, you perched your hands wide on his shoulders to steady yourself. His slid comfortably around your waist to balance you and, in a flick of your gaze, you were back in his space. Tilting your head and with him mirroring, goosebumps ripped through you in anticipation. It came with a bump of his beak to your nose where you both smiled before your lips caught.

For a moment there was nothing.

The cold lunar surface.

Then, there was warmth.

So much of it you thought you might explode.

It flooded every single neuron as you pushed all your weight into him to siphon more despite its scald.

Everything else fell away.

If he took up space in the sky as just him, touching him like this made him everything.

No worries.

No anxiety.

Only him.

You were safe.

How many times had he saved you?

You were comfortable.

Talking to him came so easily you forgot yourself.

It was effortless.

The gravity a light one, you could make leaps and bounds with him around.

Just enough that you wouldn’t spiral off into space.

His arms held you tight.

What a guiding light he was.

Why had you ever thought the moon was cold?

The moon controlled the tides.

The moon kept everything in place.

The moon was.

With a final needy nudge, Donnie disengaged.

It took every fiber of your being not to chase him.

He openly panted some sort of exertion and butted his forehead to yours.

You stroked his cheek and held each other like that.

Warmth settled a heavy weight in your stomach and you committed his blurry visage to memory.

You weren’t going to see him like this again.

“How do you feel?” You whispered something like a wisp.

“Light.” He spoke.

You giggled.

You could feel a ferocious grin on him more than see it.

He tugged lightly and it bumped your noses together again.

You turned it into the faintest nuzzle.

He made a sweet chirpy noise.

“That…” You spoke and something about it dispelled the magic.

You were both pulling away.

The self-consciousness set in.

“Well!” Donnie cleared the air. “I will… see you around… I suppose…”

“Y-Yeah…” You folded your arms around yourself to trap the heat leaking from you.

“I… apologize. I’m going to watch you go inside. I want to make sure you make it…” He took a calculated step back from the stoop.

“Yeah… I don’t blame you…” You readied to go inside before a different emptiness caught your attention. “Um, my… my stuff…?”

“Your…?” For a second, he didn’t understand and then he did. “Y-yes!” He patted himself down and grabbed several objects to pass to you. “Here.” 

The largest object was your plush which was now covered in muck. “Oh…” 

“Raph knows a way to wash them…!” 

“O-Oh…. G-good… I’ll ask… Mikey to… uh, send that over…”

Donnie nodded so hard it affected his balance. 

“I just need my…” You searched for your keys in the pile and found a smaller foreign object stacked amongst your things. 

Time slowed as you turned over the object in your palm to find it was something soft, small, and black. 

Its face emerged like a little puppy looking up at you hopeful for adoption. 

You immediately recognized it as one of the bean dog key chains from the counter. “This-! Where-!?” 

Your gaze shot to Donnie. 

He was grimacing with his entire body. 

“I… meant to keep that…” He wheezed. 

Your heart plummeted as you held it out for him to take back. 

“No!” He shouted too loud for the both of you. 

Your hand closed to protect the dog. 

“That…” His gaze weighed down with guilt. “It is for you. It was always for you. I mean… I wasn’t going to give it to you. I wanted to, but…” 

You waited. 

“Its name is Black Bean…” He spoke as if that would explain everything. “The tag says it has a tendency to… stare and hide…” Donnie glanced away. 

It was a simile if you had ever heard one. 

It was a memento for you. 

You felt your very being percolate. 

“You should keep it…” He gave a little giving gesture with his hands. 

You weren’t sure you could have given it back to him.

You needed Black Bean like your life depended on it. 

He was now your prized possession. 

He was your memento now. 

Something tangible.

“I’ll tell Mikey about the mugging…” You managed, squeezing your prize tight. “If that’s okay?”

“Of course!” Donnie rubbed an arm. “I hope you’ll be alright…”

“I’m sure the trauma will hit me when I lay down…” You gave an awkward laugh before what you said sank into your spine like a cold injection.

“That’s bad…” He remarked with a sort of stunted horror.

“N-Not different from any other night-!” You held your full hands out. “I’m gonna go inside!!” You turned around. “Thank you!”

“O-of course…!”

“Good night, Donnie!” You wrangled your keys and yanked the door.

“Good night-!”

You rushed inside.

“… Y/N…”

The door closed behind you.

(Check out behind the scenes for this fic and more on my Patreon. You can follow me there, here, or the tag #sunshinemoonshinefic for updates)

This big papa chapter was kindly reviewed by my betas @tmntxthings and @thepinkpanther83

[senditcolton]

hiiiiiii my beautiful friend!!! I’m sure I speak for a lot of us when I say that I would love a check in on we’re a bad idea matty—whatever that means for you and where you vision they are now! (request 1 of ???)

- @comphy-and-cozy

Who Are We to Fight the Alchemy?

a/n: i will gladly write anything for this universe because i love it so much and i will happily write anything for you @comphy-and-cozy. if you couldn't tell from the title, a Taylor Swift mashup inspired the final part of this series so it's only fitting that a Taylor Swift mashup inspired this fic.

Word Count: 3.7k Warnings: brother's teammate, references to alcohol consumption, but mostly just pure romantic fluff!!!

Things change.

It was a statement that brought pain and heartache. But it was also a statement that sometimes brought about such joy and happiness. You were thankful to say that in the past year, the latter was more applicable to your life.

The amount of change that you had experienced felt astronomical whenever you sat down and tried to quantify it. In just a few short months, you went from being miserable in Los Angeles, trying to get over a man that broke your heart and left you reeling to being happy back in New York City and coupled with that same man. A man who had changed even more than you could’ve ever imagined.

Matt Martin used to be a bad idea. Last summer, when the two of you reconnected, he was a surprise. Now, you could safely say that he was one of the best things in your life.

It was jarring at first. There was a part of you that was still distrustful, remembering who he used to be: someone who wanted you to himself but never wanted to claim you. But that summer night, he proved how much he had changed and how much he wanted you. Completely. And he had continued to prove it every day afterwards.

That wasn’t to say the transition was easy. There was a lot of bridges to cross: emotionally, physically, metaphorically. It took a while for you to believe that Matt meant what he said and what he did; that it wasn’t all just an overcorrection brought on by guilt or that it wasn’t just another elaborate ploy to get his hooks back into you. But the one thing that convinced you was how patient Matt was. He understood your reservations, took responsibility for how he treated you, and gave you as much space as you needed to process – even if that space was thousands of miles.

You went back to Los Angeles. Mostly for realistic reasons, like your job and your lease. But you would be lying if you didn’t think of it as a test for Matt; to see if he would wait for you, to see if he still wanted you.

And he did, in every single way.

That was enough for you to take the final leap, move back to New York, and fully commit to being his, the way he was ready to commit to being yours.

That was six months ago. Now, you were Matt Martin’s girl.

It was a massive mind-blowing change, one that you never expected. You had wished for it when you were younger, the massive crush you had on your brother’s teammate making you a fool. You desired it that winter you went to a bar with your brother and ended up leaving with Matt. You craved it every moment, during the stretch of hookups and illicit meetings after charity galas and nights out and engagement parties. You resigned that fantasy when you left for Los Angeles. You tried to banish the dream from your mind while you were underneath California’s sun.

But when you saw him again at Scotty and Emily’s wedding, the fantasy of being his resurfaced. Only this time, it wasn’t just something that you wanted. Matt wanted it just as much, if not more. And now, it was no longer a dream. It was your reality.

You were his. He was yours. Something that everyone in your life knew.

You had told your brother Scotty and sister-in-law Emily shortly after the two of you became ‘official’ and were happily surprised when they seemed okay with it. You were sure that their reaction would’ve been much different if they knew the entire timeline of your relationship with Matt Martin (something you were unsure if you would ever tell them). Your friends from college knew, although they were more skeptical, having known part of the tryst you and Matt had shared. Eventually, the news spread to the whole of the New York Islanders, as well as their wives and girlfriends, who welcomed you into a whole new world, one that you never experienced when you were just Scotty’s sister.

But the person that knew before anyone else did was Mat Barzal; the person who knew the entire history of you and Matt Martin and the only person who had one foot in each of your worlds. He was the most supportive of the change, a fact that was slightly surprising but not at all that shocking when you thought about it. You even sometimes thanked him, for giving you both the necessary push that allowed you to reconnect.

While everyone in you and Matt’s personal circles knew, you hadn’t – quote unquote – gone public with your relationship. The gossip blogs had deduced that Matt Martin may have been taken off the market but there was nothing confirmed by you or Matt or anyone else. Whenever you went to Islanders games or appeared in pictures with the other WAGs, you were still known as Scotty’s sister. There was never an implication that you were something more.

And when the New York Islanders had clinched their spot in the playoffs and the discussion of the ever-important WAG jacket began, you told Matt and the girls that you weren’t going to wear his last name on your back; a boundary that Matt respected and the girls playfully ignored. Something that you realized when you were invited to the ‘jacket reveal’ party (out of principle, of course) and had a large package placed on your lap.

In the moment, you were a little annoyed at them for ignoring your wishes, even though you knew that they did it with the best intentions. But now, in the friends and family box at UBS Arena, the jacket wrapped around your frame and your hands clasped in Lyla and Emily’s, you were happy that they did.

It was game seven of the Stanley Cup Finals after all. And the New York Islanders were less than five minutes and one goal away from reaching the peak of the mountain.

Your gaze is glued to the ice, your knuckles turning almost as white as the surface that the Islanders and the Jets were zipping across. You felt as if your breathing stopped every time Winnipeg entered the zone, also vying for that single goal that would bring the Cup to Canada instead. You flinch as Mark Scheifele took a shot at the net, your muscles only slightly relaxing when Ilya made the save. The Jets manage to secure the puck and throw it to back to the point where Josh Morrisey waits. Morrisey attempts to pass to his teammate Vilardi, but a miscommunication causes the puck to bounce off his skate instead.

The black disc sits in the expanse ice until someone scoops it up. And you can’t stop the screams of his name that escape your mouth as Matt Martin skates down the ice, his focus on the net in front of him, a Vezina trophy winning goalie between him and the deciding goal.

The puck flies off his stick and you swear you can feel the entirety of UBS Arena holding its breath. Until the rising shot sails by Connor Hellebuyck’s blocker and hits the netting. Then the arena seems to explode.

The goal horn coupled with the cheers from seventeen thousand people is deafening. However, it all seems like background noise to the way you’re screaming, your pure excitement not even muffled by the pile of bodies that rush over to hug you. You swear you can feel tears in your eyes as the girls pull away, your gaze connecting with the giant screen hanging over the ice as you watch Matt skate by the benches, receiving aggressively excited fist bumps and helmet pats from his teammates.

The reality that there was still two minutes left in the game washes over everyone quickly, the seasoned fans realizing that while things change quickly in life, they can change even quicker in hockey. But as the clock counts down, the nervous energy slowly transforming into that of pure excitement, your eyes scan the arena to find the number 17.

You see him on the bench, his body almost draped over the side as the Islanders hold the puck against the boards, the seconds dwindling down.

Three. Two. One.

The sound of the final buzzer almost makes your knees drop out from under you, your body wanting to collapse in pure relief. You don’t have the opportunity to because before you can blink, Lyla is gripping your shoulders, shaking you with pure joy.

“They fucking did it!!!” she screams in your face and you can do nothing except pull her into a bear-hug as the excitement from the girls, the fans, the players, the coaches, everyone fills the arena. Your eyes flick up to the Jumbotron to see the mass of blue jerseys surrounding the net as the team embraces.

You watch content as the traditionally handshake line happens, your eyes forever glued to Matt as he skates around, occasionally being pummeled with hugs and cheers befitting the game-winning goal scorer. The Conn Smythe trophy is brought out and you hug Lyla tight, cheering almost as loudly as she did when Mathew is announced as the winner.

When the Stanley Cup is brought out, you think it’s a miracle that you can even hear the commissioner over the sound of cheering – a noise that only becomes louder when Anders lifts the trophy over his head.

The girls slowly start filtering out, bustling to get down to the ice but you wait until Matt gets the Cup handed off to him, not wanting to miss the moment he holds the greatest trophy in all of sports for the first time. If you thought there were tears in your eyes when he scored or when the final buzzer went off, there was no denying their presence now as you watch Matt skate around the ice with the silver chalice held proudly over his head.

You feel Emily gently tug at your hand, pulling your attention away from the celebration and pulling you into the hallway and down into the bowels of UBS Arena. The ice is almost blinding as you walk out onto it, your arm linked in Lyla’s. She quickly abandons you when she spies Barzy, running towards him and enveloping him in a massive loving embrace, leaving you to catch up.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Mr. Conn Smythe winner,” you tease as you walk up to him, his arm securely wrapped around Lyla’s waist. His grin is wide as he pulls you into a hug. “Congrats Barzy. You deserve it.”

“Thank you,” he mutters to you, letting you go as you step back. You watch his eyes glance over your frame, registering the material wrapped around your torso. “Nice jacket.”

You laugh, the joy in your eyes reflected in his – your insanely supportive best friend.

“Have you seen him yet?” Mat asks, his question causing your eyes to dart around the arena.

“Not yet, but I’m sure he’s getting interviewed or something. I’ll just congratulate Scotty while I wait.”

“Does he know? About this?” he says, gesturing to your body. You reply with a playful shake of your head and Barzy whistles. “This will surely be a night he’ll remember forever.”

You giggle, Mat’s statement not even close to an exaggeration, even without the innuendo that one could easily attach. You give him a quick wave as you wander away, taking a moment to spy Emily standing next to Scotty and your parents. You run up to him, head butting him in the chest in greeting – a ritual that started when you were younger that the two of you continued to this day. Scotty embraces you, smiling as he takes in the moment.

You are laughing with your family when you feel the weight of someone’s gaze attaching to your frame. It is a slow turn of your head until your eyes connect with the ocean blue irises of Matt. You can see his chest rising in heavy breaths, the adrenaline of the moment still buzzing through his body. But the thing that nearly stops your heart is his expression; a mixture of shock and wonder so clearly painted on his face.

You smile, your attention falling completely from your family as you drift away, walking slowly towards him. He coasts up to you and you’re still unsure if his disbelief is related to winning the Cup or to the sight of his last name on your back until he stops in front of you.

“What – ” he begins to say, his hands reaching out to trace down your arms, fingers gliding over the material. His almost hesitance makes you giggle, a smile pulling at his lips in response.

“Surprised?” you laugh, before twirling slowly, the weight of Matt’s gaze raking across your frame undeniable. “It looks good on me, don’t you think?”

The confirmation Matt gives isn’t verbal at first. Instead, he simply lifts you into his arms, your legs instinctively hook around his hips. One of his hands flies into your hair and tugs you forward until your lips press together. The energy and excitement that had been sparking around the arena seems to funnel directly into the kiss. The way your body was buzzing had nothing to do with the glasses of white wine that you had consumed in the past hour and everything to do with the feeling of Matt’s lips against yours.

He finally breaks the kiss and sets you down on the ice, keeping you wrapped in his arms as he stares at you with just as much reverence as he looked at the Stanley Cup.

“You look fucking fantastic,” he mutters and you can’t stop the laugh at the bluntness of his statement.

“I thought I should dress up for you,” you muse, your hand lifting to brush away a few of the sweat-soaked stands of hair from his forehead.

“Glad you did. I think you were my lucky charm.”

“If that’s so, then why didn’t you sweep every series?” you tease, the joke falling from your lips.

“Because the universe needed to know that you were mine.”

The seriousness of his words has you pausing, your eyes looking into his, seeing the sincerity and relief reflecting in his pupils. You realized the gravity of the situation. What you were wearing… it wasn’t just a jacket with his last name sewn between your shoulder blades. It was a confirmation to him, to the team, to the fans, to the world that you were his, even after everything that lead the two of you to this moment.

It was a symbol of your commitment, your trust, your love. It was a public declaration that you were his. Completely.

You could never resist the pull of him, even before this moment, and you certainly can’t stop it now as you lean in and press your lips against his again in a kiss that was just as – if not more – passionate as the last.

“I think I’ve been yours long before I put this jacket on,” you whisper to him, your quiet confession clearly heard as Matt pulls you impossibly tighter against his body.

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me,” he replies, a remark that he has made a dozen times before and one that you never tired of hearing. You step back, the playful smirk appearing on your lips.

“Even now? After you scored the goal that made you a Stanley Cup champion?”

“There’s absolutely no comparison,” he asserts, lifting your chin to kiss you again.

Things change, that much was true. They morph and transform, get created and destroyed. What you and Matt shared had shifted more than you could possibly imagine. But it had changed for the better. The connection you two shared was the purest form of alchemy; taking something sordid and turning it into pure gold.  

tagging the "we're a bad idea" babes: @texanstarslove @smileysvech @laurenairay @dissonannce @cowboybarzy @cellythefloshie @provokedgoalie @m00nlightdelights @tkachvkmatthew @cixrosie @alwaysclassyeagle @geospatialharmony

[dahldahlbills]

jumob psyisen 100

some frames and gif version

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.

We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.

@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)

If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.

(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)

We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.

Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.

By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.

But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)

One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)

With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.

To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)

At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.

I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.

[starbuck]

we talk a lot about “escaping the narrative,” but keep in mind that the frightening thing about escape is the chance you might end up someplace worse.

[bunisher]

might be the aro in me but i think one of the reasons i don’t ship mattfoggy is because i enjoy the idea of platonic intimacy and friendship without romance. i enjoy them as best friends, because their friendship is not any less than romantic love or needs to be. especially for characters like them, i think it’s important that they have friendships that are not inherently romantic. matt, because he has severe abandonment trauma and avoidant attachment, where all of his romances have ended in some form of tragedy. he has trouble feeling comfortable with people, he feels like he has to perform in many aspects, and does not with foggy, at least not anymore. trust is a hard earned thing with him, but it’s not just about trusting with being a hero, but trusting to be himself. in regards to foggy, because he also has his own issues regarding family and not feeling accepted. he needs that friend who provides the motivation, validation, and feeling of being good enough just for being him. his insecurities often come from being underestimated, being awkward, not fitting in, and with matt he can just be. they’re able to have a relationship with each other that has rupture and repair, knowing eventually after time it’s them against conflict and not them against each other. they set the standard for each other in how romantic relationships are. they provide that safe place for love that doesn’t have the weight of being someone’s everything or partner. they’re already partners! they’re best friends. i personally am a little in love with all of my friends, and i am utterly devoted to them. i will be affectionate and supportive and loving and i am not dating them. so yeah i see how stuff could be read romantic, i understand why people enjoy the ship, i get it, i do. but it’s more powerful to me when it’s not. romance is not the end all be all and that’s why i am obsessed with their friendship without it being this stepping stone for romance or there being no other explanation.

[alangdorf]

Sorryyyy for dropping off the face of the earth; got kinda shy after that last post but mostly I’ve just been writing though I cannot guarantee that any of that will ever be finished (also I’m very insecure about my writing AAAH). Figure I might as well post the valentines I had done (like two months late lol); interestingly this turned into more of a hand lettering exercise than I was expecting lol

[ohgaylor]

Taylor Swift’s 10th studio album Midnights redesigned in the style of The Weeknd’s first EP My Dear Melancholy,

[track list version below]