#and it’s so /beautifully/ deconstructed too

[age-of-moonknight]

“Soldier, Rich Man, Scoundrel,” Moon Knight (Vol. 9/2021), #14.

Writer: Jed MacKay; Penciler and Inker: Alessandro Cappuccio; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit

[metanarrates]

ugh anthy is so good. nearly every single other story I've seen about a Mysterious and Tragic teenage girl has failed in some way either because the writer forgot to give the character complexity and an internal life, or because the tragic things in her life were far too aestheticized to have real teeth. anthy succeeds as a character largely because the whole story is dedicated to deconstructing an aestheticized view of her & her suffering, and also showing how that aestheticized view dehumanizes her and denies her agency. she is not a harmless victim or a beautifully agonized one - she is a teenage girl who is reacting in realistic, complex ways to a lifetime of crushing systemic abuses. and similarly, every teenage girl around her is also reacting in complex ways to their own suffering under patriarchy.

depiction of sad teenage girls often posit their pain as a natural phenomenon, something that is just intrinsic to girlhood. adding a layer of mystique onto them just further serves to obfuscate the sources of teen girl suffering. instead, teenage girl pain becomes palatable. consumable, even. #aesthetic. these depictions are unthreatening because, by their nature, they cannot depict societal issues in a way that would demand a restructuring of society. we can posit a familial tragedy but not a tragedy of the family structure. we can lament a beautifully mentally ill sufferer but not the systems of wellness and community that failed her. et cetera. nothing can ever hold up an uncomfortable mirror, only a flattering one.

revolutionary girl utena directly says that that idea is bullshit and that its teenage girls are suffering as a direct result of entrenched systematic oppression. and in that uncomfortable honesty, it's able to be WAY more authentically hopeful with its sad teenage girls. anthy is able to finally walk out of the society that trapped her and live freely of the image that was constructed around her! she can be a flawed human girl who is still going to be happy with her girlfriend! her victimhood is not eternal and does not mean she can never find happiness! A TEEN GIRL DOES NOT HAVE TO STAY IN A COFFIN IN ORDER TO DESERVE COMPASSION!!!!

[skibasyndrome]

"Are you mad at me?" and Honesty

inspired by the awesome parallel @impossibleknots found between these two shots

and these tags by @darktwistedgenderplural I'd like to talk about this

For both of them, this line comes after a breaking point, when they realize that they just can't stay away from each other for any longer.

Wilhelm, after rejecting Simon out of some misplaced sense of duty and swallowing down his grief about it, literally breaks down on the football field and, fuelled by alcohol and drugs, for once manages to let his guard down.

"You think you know me, eh? You don't!", he yells, followed by "That's right, I do whatever I want!". And then, well, he does what he wants and calls up Simon. And he's finally honest with him. Granted, it's very much the drugs that help him let his guard down, but - in an effort to be less fake than everything that surrounds him - he tells Simon that he likes him. That's one of Wilhelm's first and most authentic verbal declarations of what he feels. And from then on, at least for now and at least in front of Simon, the floodgates are open and he's baring his soul: "Thank you for coming", "You're so beautiful", all his little love declarations, and then he's letting him in on his insecurities as well. "Are you mad at me?" and, after once again declaring that he's so glad Simon is here, "I don't want you to be mad".

It's one of those things he hasn't been allowed to voice or even show, we know this. When he's nervously biting his thumb in s1e1 his mother slaps away his hand, lest he be seen behaving unprincely, and he's thoroughly internalized keeping up the facade, like when we hear him blatantly lie to Simon about being happy to be at Hillerska. Everything and everyone being fake, that includes him, Wilhelm. (And we know that his journey in deconstructing this fakeness is only starting out)

But at least for the time being, he's able to stand by his feelings for Simon. He does still need his assurance that "it's okay" once he's confronted about his love declaration, but he still does admit to it. And that honesty is what leads to them making love for the first time.

Letting their guard down, fully committing to what they're feeling for each other. Honesty is what leads to this.

The second time, it's Simon's turn to bare his soul. Yes, Simon has been the one that has helped Wilhelm be more honest and more vocal about his own feelings, but Simon himself, while forthcoming about his love and the fact that he wants to be with Wilhelm, is still struggling himself, especially when it comes to voicing his not so pleasant feelings, like how heartbroken he's feeling for all of s2.

Even during their 'exchange' in class, it's still only about him slowly starting to see Wilhelm's side, and not about the uncomfortable and conflicting things Simon himself is feeling on the inside.

So when he worriedly texts Wilhelm "Are you mad at me?", that's him admitting that, yes, he's also very much still invested in this, in them and that that's scary, unnerving and that he's not sure how to read the situation. He's letting his insecurity show, something he very, very rarely does. Beautifully, he does it again later, now face to face with Wilhelm. After Wilhelm says that he's scared, Simon admits it, too, letting down his walls for Wilhelm to see that he's not as tough as he pretends to be AND he lets Wilhelm be the one to comfort him, reach out his hand and take him ino his arms.

So in one instance, we have Wilhelm finally letting his true feelings show, proving to Simon - who's been open about his attraction - that the feeling is mutual. And in the other we have Simon, who up until now has been trying to keep his conflicting feelings under wraps and his fear hidden, reassured and coaxed into admitting to them by Wilhelm openly saying that he also is scared and physically showing that he's there for him. Mutual honesty.

Two very different admissions and two very different subjects that they now finally managed to be honest about and every single time it brings them closer and, in both scenes, it repairs the trust that was broken by dishonesty before.

And what makes it even more beautiful to me is that, in addition to it being in a way a new beginning every single time, we know that both instances did have a lasting impact on both of them and their journey towards being more honest with each other. Yes, there are ups and downs and Wilhelm did lie to the world about the video after their first time, but he keeps on learning and the second time around, he is much more honest about his love for Simon. And we even see it bleed into the last episode with Simon now finally admitting to just how much he feels for Wilhelm and Wilhelm in turn finally taking back his initial lie in front of the whole world.

Their journey towards full honesty is still very rocky, but with every instance of them letting down their guards together, they grow closer and their ability to be authentically themselves not only together but also towards the world vastly improves.

[whimsicalwritingsandmore]

Want You Back | ateez x reader

Pairing: werewolf!ot8!ateez x werewolf!reader

Genre: fluff mostly, romance, poly, a little angst?

Warnings for this chapter: none

Word Count: 2702 words

a/n: hello!! so I was able to edit a lot today. :') I'm hoping to have the next chapter up by Sunday! Let me know what you think about this chapter, I would love to hear your thoughts on this one! Happy reading! <3

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Chapter 4

You felt off all day.

It was something you couldn’t explain. Out of nowhere that morning, you woke up with a slight headache and a sudden uneasy feeling that refused to go away until late in the afternoon. It was Friday, and you decided to close early due to your bizarre state. You planned a night-in with some warm tea, hearty soup and a marathon of a new series you started. 

Currently, while finishing up cleaning the tables and organising the chairs, you paid no attention to anything and swayed mindlessly to the soft music in your headphones with the fresh scent of lavender filling the room which you were using to wipe the tables down. Your friends had already left for the evening and the skyline of Seoul provided a composed and serene atmosphere, one which you were very grateful for at this time. 

You pondered the cause for your sudden headache and a spike in anxiety. Werewolves rarely got sick, the main reason may be because of exhaustion, but as far as you could recall, you weren’t over-exerting or pushing yourself too hard. While the beginning of your journey was far from effortless, you paced yourself when it came to facing challenges. Because you knew if you overworked yourself, especially since you were still recovering at the time, Jisung wouldn’t hesitate to tell Chan and Minho. You could handle Chan but you were afraid of an angry Minho. 

As you continued to lose yourself in your thoughts and music, you didn't hear the bell of your cafe ring. However, you felt your emotions suddenly shift and there was a rapid electric rush through your body. Following it was a pull you knew all too well.

It couldn’t be?

You spun around and halted at the figure in front of you. He was still slightly dripping wet, his hair damp and his clothes stuck to him but his face glowed beautifully. His eyes sparkled and he panted with a slight smile beginning to form as he looked at you in awe and admiration. 

Song Mingi, your soulmate, and one of the loves of your life stood in front of you in the flesh. It had been six months since you last saw him and the last time you saw him was during the worst times of your life, one that took a lot of therapy to start unpacking. Luckily, Chan knew someone who helped you immensely in deconstructing all the walls you had built. 

You thought a lot about this moment, coming face to face with one of your soulmates and unravelling all the feelings and emotions that had been buried inside you for so long. There were times when you wracked your brain with so many different scenarios, playing out what you would say, how you would act and your responses when they responded. You hoped to prepare yourself for the imminent confrontation but truthfully, you were far from well-prepared.

As Mingi approached you cautiously, you were stumped. So many questions began to flood your mind. What are you supposed to do? Should you be aloof and standoffish? Should you start yelling? Should you run away, let Chan handle it and never look back? 

The main question you had was, did you harbour any hate towards Mingi? Hate was a very strong word and you couldn’t begin to fathom hating one of your mates. Yes, you were hurt, angry and disappointed in them but part of you didn’t want to throw in the towel just yet. If there was any possibility for reconciliation, you were willing to try, albeit you wouldn’t go easy on them.

Something you learnt in therapy was that relationships are a work in progress. It’ll never be perfect like you were told growing up and it didn’t necessarily have to be set in stone with you not having a choice about it. You did in fact have a choice, and while you still believed fate had a role in bringing people together, a real relationship requires showing up, learning from mistakes, taking accountability and trying again if both parties truly care for each other. If not, you knew you had to face the harsh reality of walking away even if it broke you.

You wanted to make it work with your soulmates, and Mingi was the one out of your eight mates who you were closest to after Hongjoong. He was the second one you had bonded with and spent a lot of time together before meeting everyone else. You would describe him as your tall alpha with a soft heart and sweet personality. He wore his heart on his sleeve, he’s a tenderheart and big softie who would seek you out to share his snacks with because he didn't like to eat alone. He struggled with his self-esteem because being the middle child had him being forgotten a lot. You were there along with the boys to give him comfort and show him his worth. Song Mingi is the tenderest, sweetest and softest person out of the entire pack. 

"Mingi..." you murmured.

"Y-Y/N..." his voice broke out in a raspy tone.

The moment he spoke snapped you out of your daze. You just wanted to hug him, embrace him and feel his warmth again. As your finger grazed his hand, he pulled you into a bone-crushing hug, stroking your hair and kissing the top of your head repeatedly. 

"It's you! It's really you!" He cried.

That’s all it took for you to break your facade and you broke down in his embrace, sniffles and sobs racking your body. Mingi just pulled you closer.

"Don't cry, don't cry angel. I know I have a lot to apologise for. I-I can't even b-begin to explain it. There are no e-excuses for my actions. I'll make it up to y-you. No matter what, I won't ever hurt you like that again."

You felt the sincerity in his words. You knew he was being sincerely honest. You weren't ready to forgive him - you both still had to have a proper conversation about everything. But for now, you wanted to have this moment with him, after so long you finally had your Mingi again. 

It took a while to peel Mingi off you because he kept refusing. He was taller than you and much stronger so it took a lot of convincing that you weren’t going to vanish into thin air once he let you go. He wouldn't even sit if you didn't. When you placed him in a chair and moved away to give him a blanket, some tea and maybe a change of clothes, he bolted upright and grabbed your hand, holding onto it for dear life. 

Your apartment was right above the café. You had a few oversized jerseys in your closet as you were currently experimenting with your style that could fit him but it seemed to be futile on retrieving anything.

Mingi refused to part with you so instead he followed you foot to foot behind the counter as you pulled out one of the blankets from under the counter that you had for safekeeping for the colder days. He stood close by as you made him some tea.

Suddenly, your phone went off signalling a message. Mingi was confused by the sound and intrigued by the device you pulled out of your pocket. As you quickly checked to see who it was, Mingi quickly snatched it from you to see what it was.

"Hey—Mingi!" 

Your shouts went unanswered as Mingi stared at the screen. He was confused by the interface. Who is Jisung? Somehow he exited out of that app and managed to click on Instagram. Your profile was the first page when he opened the app and his brows pinched in even more confusion.

"Is that you?" he asked

You tried to get your phone back so you could explain things to him but Mingi is taller than you.

He pressed on the picture with you and Chan. It was a harmless picture that was taken during Chan’s birthday party with the two of you posing with big smiles as you both leaned against the kitchen counter watching Seungmin and Hyunjin fight over something. Your caption was simple: Happy birthday to my best friend. However, Mingi’s instincts kicked in seeing the two of you standing in close proximity. He felt a low growl wanting to erupt from his throat, his protective senses coming in. But he noticed your smile. You hadn't smiled like that in a long time. It was only with them and the last time was probably when…he couldn’t remember the last time.

You were able to grab back your phone after accidentally stepping on his foot. 

“Ow!” he cried.

“Finally.” you sighed.

"Who is that?" You could hear the pain that was evident in his voice. Even if you did want to be cold towards him, you didn’t have the heart to. It was difficult to remain aloof.

"He's my friend," you answered, "His name is Chan and he was the one who found me in the lake and brought me back with him."

"The lake? You came through the lake?”

You nodded, “Yeah, I don’t know how, all I remember is jumping in and then everything went dark. Then next thing I knew I was here.”

“That's why we couldn't find you. You were in this realm all the time?"

You hummed and nodded.

"Yeah, I…I didn't want to come home…” you stuttered, “I-I couldn't..." you trailed off.

Truth be told, you weren’t 100% certain what to expect from Mingi. There was so much heaviness weighing on your shoulders and in the air, that you couldn’t read what was going through Mingi’s mind or predict his next move.

Was he going to snap at you, ridicule you or berate you?

Mingi felt your uncertainty as the spark of your bond started to drop and he brought you into an immediate hug. 

"I can't blame you,” he started, “We left you with a lot of broken promises, we didn't take care of you like we are supposed to. It hurts to hear that you didn’t want to come back to us but…you were also hurting a lot more than we were."

You didn’t realise the tears cascading down your face. For so long, you just wanted to be heard, understood and comforted. 

"Mingi, we have to talk about all that…”

“Let’s talk now then. At least cover some bases?”

You agreed and brought the tea to a table in the far corner away from the window. You sat opposite Mingi with great effort as he was still uneasy not being able to feel your touch, you saw the way he never took his eyes off you. 

You cleared your throat holding the teacup securely in your hand.

“First of all, I’m really, really, really, really sorry for not realising sooner the damage we were doing to you. I know an apology isn’t even enough. The fact that it had to take you being separated from us, for us to recognise the severity is inexcusable.” he began.

You listened intently, anxious at what he had to say.

“When I discovered how damaged our bond became, it felt like an entire collapse of my world. I don’t even know how to explain it, it was as if the one thing that kept me going was stripped away and I was operating on autopilot with no clear way ahead,” he paused, “My birthday wasn’t the same. It wasn’t a celebration, there was more grief than anything. I always told you how much you meant to me and you going missing showed me just how important you are to me Y/N. You’re my entire world and I can’t bear the thought of living without you. I hate it and I don’t want to live like that. I should have noticed my treatment towards you, I should have told the boys, I should have supported you and been there for you. I’m so sorry for failing you.”

“Mingi…”

“Hit me, yell at me, tell me as it is. Don’t hold back Y/N but please…don’t give up on me. Please give me a chance to make it up to you.” 

“I…I appreciate your honesty Mingi. You seem to be sincere. I thought I would never be understood. It felt like I was drowning in a sea of my feelings. Everyday I prayed one of you would wrap your arms around me and end the nightmare I was living in. All my life…I was taught how to be a perfect mate and to consider your mate as your whole world, but when your mate forgets you, your world falls apart and you’re left stranded in a dark void with no real direction to follow. When I was running from those rogues, it came to my mind that you all were on the other side of town with Lila…”

Mingi grimaced at that realisation. You were in danger and they were so far away from you. He held your hands that were still wrapped around the teacup, rubbing soothing circles to comfort and help you gather your thoughts.

“I always thought it was my fault,” you cried, “I wanted to call out for you through the bond but I couldn’t even focus. I felt like a failure, I thought I failed at being a Luna, and so many questions plagued my mind every day and night. What does Lila have that I don’t? Why am I always a second choice? Why does Mrs Kim hate me? What’s wrong with me?”

Your voice broke as you spoke. Mingi wanted to kick himself for doing this to you. He finally saw the way you had been broken. You questioned your self worth, they made you question your worthiness. You didn’t know how you were so important, you were a precious gem to him, you were priceless. 

“Nothing’s wrong you angel, if anything, something is clearly wrong with the rest of us because we’re plain idiots for making you think you’re unworthy. You deserved to be loved, adored and respected.” he answered.

“It hurts Mingi. All I ever wanted was to be someone's favourite person growing up. I wanted to be the one, you could come to for anything. I wanted to help in any way I could. I just wanted to be loved.”

“And you are loved, my love. I love you so deeply and truly, I really do. I will never let you feel that way again. As long as I live, you’d be showered unconditionally with love and respect.”

You closed your eyes and regulated your breathing to compose yourself. 

“I’m willing to work things out Mingi. But you should know, I’m not sure if I trust you right now. So many thoughts come in, what if it happens again? What if -”

“It won’t. It will never happen again, angel. I know that seems like an empty promise. But it isn't! I promise you, I will make you trust me again.” 

You looked at Mingi with some uncertainty. You never considered love would be like this, you always thought it would be easy. You didn’t know what was going to happen next but at least for now, this was a start.

“Tiny steps. Let’s take tiny steps then. I’ll introduce you to Chan tomorrow, he’ll help you get in contact with the others. Let them know you’re safe.”

Even after all the hurt they gave you, Mingi was in awe at the way you cared so deeply for them.

“Let’s head upstairs,” you said tiredly.

As you both made your way to the apartment, Mingi thought about everything. It pained him deeply to know the hurt they caused you. He made a silent promise to himself that he’ll be better for you. 

That night, he couldn’t sleep. You’re the best thing that ever happened to him and you deserve unconditional and unwavering love. In no way, shape or form were you ever a second choice. You could never be second - you were and will always be first. 

He’ll make things right again. He promised.

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Tag list: @eastleighsblog , @sehun096rainbow

[hanzajesthanza]

a lot of the “haha geralt is so annoyed by his friends!!” talk reduces the relationship of geralt & co. to the events of baptism of fire—baptism of fire geralt is very enjoyable to read, but lady of the lake geralt is the final evolution of a beautiful development of character. we really ought to talk more often about how his relationship with his company developed over the next two books and how by the end of it, he felt entirely responsible for their fates.

it can’t really be said that the hanza didn’t mean a lot to geralt and he would have chosen ciri & yen over them no problem. by the end of it he really valued their friendship and company. he literally identified himself as their leader, embraced his role as their leader. only with their company, he was finally able to fully ascended to what he is at heart and who he was meant to be, what his character was created to be: a hero.

he never liked to play sacrificial games. the entire reason he shunned (the majority of) the company (sorry cahir, he took extra issue with you) was that it was too dangerous of an undertaking, and he did not want to risk the lives of anyone else for his personal matters, sticking their necks out for him. it wasn’t just because he’s an old grump and sourpuss—he literally tells this to dandelion and milva multiple times, that he doesn’t want them dying because of him.

he decided against anything that would have put milva in danger when she was pregnant, refusing to risk her life or her unborn child’s life—remaining adamant that he would not sacrifice her child’s life for his own. and similarly when codringher presented him the hypothetical of pawning a decoy girl off on emhyr, he was disgusted at the thought of trampling the life of some innocent girl for the safety of his own.

virtuous to a fault, geralt abhors stepping on another to lift himself up. he won’t even kill innocent creatures to make a quick buck—they have to be real dangers—which, of course, makes him not only poorer and hungrier, but fighting, you guessed it, more dangers. this makes geralt unlike many of the other characters we’re presented with, who, even though they may not want to, agree to make sacrifices for their personal interests or the greater good (though, what’s the difference—the lodge and emhyr called their personal interests the greater good. that’s a big point of how the decisions of those in power is deconstructed in the saga).

i don’t think geralt would have sacrificed his company, given a choice.

but he did choose, of course, despite not being given a choice. it was a necessary sacrifice, though geralt, being the man he is, would never have made such a choice given the option (like the trolley problem—he’s impossible, he would continue to insist that neither of these choices are good and he doesn’t want to choose). i don’t want to kill either shrike or stregobor, i don’t want to take a side in the war, i don’t want to ride to cintra and claim my destiny. the whole saga is about how no matter if you decide to choose or not to choose, destiny still makes you choose. even if you think you can deny and avoid the choice. and after such denial, it stops asking you nicely. death dogs his footsteps, but death couldn’t catch up with him (for a while, at least), so it had to settle for others… the hanza are another, perhaps a final, manifestation of this lesson—calanthe and cintra being the first victims.

he and cahir dragged milva’s dead and bleeding body to safety, risking their own lives in the hail of arrows which rose again once she had fallen. his noble and virtuous heart still looked for cahir and angoulême in the corridor after the fighting had ceased, waiting for them to come out of the empty hall, before ciri shook her head to tell him no one would be coming down it. his scream rung in the air with regis’ as regis was being torn apart. and he, in pain and exhausted, remembered him, to yennefer when she asked, as a friend, and managed to utter some beautifully kind words in his memory.

i don’t think someone like geralt (feeling responsible for deaths of innocents whether they’re even his fault or not) would ever truly get over the loss of his company. after having, with ciri, buried them, by the foot of stygga castle, having to drag the bodies out one by one, close their glassy eyes, mound the wet and cold earth over them. and regretfully glance back at the melted stone column he cannot bury. he was woefully dreary after stygga, and kept returning to their memory as they retraced their steps into the sansretour valley. reminding himself about the sword of destiny with two edges… and again at rivia mourning them with the dwarven company.

we can at least sigh with relief that destiny allowed him to keep dandelion. it had to, because he is just, after all “like a burr on a dog’s tail”—destiny did not quite manage to slip its noose around his neck, for he did not touch destiny, but instead tagged alongside it. (plus, the cameraman never dies). if dandelion died, it would have broken geralt well and truly. it was the longest and deepest connection he ever had. the same goes for the reverse, of course 😬

[clearancecreedwatersurvival]

OKay so having learned that there are people dedicating their tumblr time to whinging about how spop is ‘romanticizing abuse’, I have some things to say.

For The Record, spop is a story about ending cycles of abuse and overcoming indoctrination from christofash evangelical holy war shit. I’m sorry, but do you expect a story about These Topics to not actually show anything related to it?

I have said it before but I’ll say it again, simply portraying a topic in fiction is not Romanticizing it. You cannot write a story that is deconstructing a thing without Including The Thing.

It is worthwhile to talk about how sometimes, especially in film, a story that discusses some topic will do so in a way that objectifies the act of whatever it is. Such as when a movie that is about rape culture or a rape revenge narrative or whatever, gets a little too objectifying and voyeuristic in the framing of events. That’s good critique and useful to talk about to unpack the societal underpinnings.

But assuming that the mere presence of something within a story means that the thing is being romanticized is just always the worst take, and I see it pop up So Often on tumblr.

As another example, it is useful to critique the way adaptations of Lolita miss the point of Lolita and portray the unreliable narrator’s bullshit editorializing on the events as reality. But if you think that the actual text of the original book is actually excusing the narrator then you straight up do not understand the book. There are like six video essays on YouTube by different people explaining exactly this already, please just go watch them if you don’t know what I’m talking about.

So once more. Spop is a story about overcoming indoctrination from christofash fundamentalist holy war death cult shit, and ending cycles of abuse. These are heavy topics. But I think Spop handled them fucking beautifully and if you don’t then congrats I have to assume you’ve never had family or community members who were lost in the fundie sauce and I’m happy for you.

[crow-girl-cock]

Hai :7

I love you!

yes you!

click this.

now for introduction.

my name is Renée Corbeau

but you can call me ren or crow

I love crows! they feel like family to me and I hope next cycle I get to experience the life of a crow.

I have gone through alot in life and fancy myself some sort of activist by proxy of that pain, am I perfect? fuck no! I am still learning and probably operate under toxic bias still despite all the effort I have put into growth.

I'm adhd, autistic, anxious, depressive, dissociative, probably some degree of plurality.

I'm a gender non-conforming transwoman, definitely puppy coded, and severely down bad for women, especially butch women!

that being said the human body is beautiful. especially fat bodies, I'm a sucker for meat :3

all my guys, gals, and non binary pals deserve kisses (assuming that they want them)

I love gender fuckery, people who actively blur those lines are doing the lords work.

despite being very friendly and appearing slightly outgoing sometimes, I am very shy and dont have a very large social battery.

if I ever dont respond dont take it personally there are loads of reasons why this could be.

U⁠^ᴥ^⁠U U⁠^ᴥ^⁠U U⁠^ᴥ^⁠U

I am kind of a red mage when it comes to special interests, I know a little bit about alot.

(all lists are not ordered and not exhaustive)

some examples include;

from gaming~ pokemon, zelda, elderscrolls, darksouls, minecraft, osu!, space sims (elite dangerous, astroneer, dyson sphere project, hardspaceshipbreaker), roguelikes (noita, deadcells, gungeon, vagante, slaythespire)

from other media~ pokemon again, bluey, adventure time, atla, bee and puppycat, studio ghibli (nausicaa is goat), csm, bleach, dragonball, naruto, she-ra, dungeon meshi

from *gasps* real life~

space (and metaphysics), nature (it's peculiarities and the many funky adorable little guys born in it) I'm definitely a poser but skateboarding and rollerskating (I really want to get into rollerderby) philosophy (to the extent that any skid is);

History!

(not as well read as I would like because there is so much of it, and so much of the truth is buried under misinformation, but I have deconstructed the whole western myth of how things went and painted myself a much clearer picture as to how things got so bad and am learning new things about the world all the time, please feel free to info dump about anything history related I'd love to hear it. anthropology and archaeology too obvs)

Art!

(this is my chosen field for better or worse >⁠.⁠< I am going to college for web and graphic design (2024-2026) I might extend that an extra 2 years to make it a bachelor of design and hope to one day make graphic novels, beautifully illustrated with deep thought provoking stories)

໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১ ૮꒰՞⸝⸝- ༝ -⸝⸝꒱ა ໒꒰՞⸝⸝. ̫ .ܸ⸝⸝ ꒱ა

Kink! (definitely subject to change)

petplay, musk, intox, bondage, impact, cnc, degradation, somno, hypno, blood, knives, size difference probably more I haven't thought of

I'm poly and very t4t

I'm a switch but this hellsite has been steadily turning me into a bottom day by day heheh

but no actually

I used to be a hypersexual dom pre-transition

but E has made me alot less uncontrollably horny and far more sensitive and inclined to seek vulnerability, all my drive to dom has dissolved

also I suck at tagging and will sometimes will reblog art/random things from tags without checking bios

if that upsets you or makes you uncomfortable please see the block button for more info ;3c

.♡. .♡. .♡.

anyways since you made it this far

here have some headpats

spread kindness please and thank you ^v^

As above, So below.

Hai :7

I love you!

yes you!

[ihatetaxes99]

I've seen so many deconstructions of why BNHA stopped working at some point and I've seen a lot of them focusing on the somewhat iffy ethical implications.

Since the series is more or less over now, though, I think my biggest issue with it was that it stopped being fun. I don't really care if a series has questionable ethics or what have you. Hellsing is one of my favourite manga, and its protagonist spends the whole time slaughtering fools, many of them innocent. It almost makes a joke out of the idea that Alucard would ever consider any form of introspection and any time he even touches upon such thoughts, he quickly resumes blasting people's heads off with his handcannon. The series is dumb fun at the end of the day, and the protagonists basically get away with the awful things they've done, not as some sort of critique of society, but because vampires with big guns are cool, and everything about Hellsing is based on being cool.

BNHA's problem, conversely, is that it wants to have its cake and eat it too. It will divert entire pages to beautifully gory set pieces, characters and factions such as the MLA are based entirely upon how cool their aesthetic is and had to be quickly sidelined once they turned out to be way too powerful for the story they're in. It, much like Hellsing, has very limited thought put into the implications of its world and the characters' actions. Unlike Hellsing, however, it does make a half-hearted attempt at addressing them. The nature of child soldiers, the commercialisation of heroism, systemic abuse, all of this posturing about society's outcasts. It raises all of these questions and then limply dismisses them so that Shigaraki can go back to American History Xing people's heads into curb stones, and so that the heroes can rise up to this head-stomping and put an end to it. The audience kind of has to forget that the series itself has addressed the major issues underlying hero society, as best seen in how Endeavour flip flops from antagonist to protagonist depending on if the situation involves fighting bad guys or not. Quieter arcs like the sports festival and... Well, his own arc try to paint him as an extremely conflicted, broken man who tore his family apart, but as soon as there's a villain to fight, he returns to being Stock Good Guy #14, Subsection H: Slightly Gruff.

BNHA for a long time has wanted to be both introspective and dumb fun. I'd say that in its early years, it did a much better job of sticking to the latter, and it kept its satire in the background in a very Judge Dredd fashion. There's nothing wrong with being dumb fun, or with being a more introspective and deep series, but trying to be both is a fine tightrope to walk and ultimately, the manga just couldn't stick that balance.

Tl;Dr, I don't care if a piece of fiction is morally irresponsible or whatever, but the problem is when you half-ass trying to be something more aware and conscious, pardon my language.

[justa-moth]

this is an incredibly niche thing that will appeal to maybe like one other jrwi fan, but:

what crew i think various riptide characters would be on if they were tech theatre kids

because why not :]

Jay: - oh Set Crew for SURE dude - shes the head carpenter - she knows how to use every tool in the shop - she's the one helping the newbies learn said tools - she'll yell at you to be safe but also do the worlds most unsafe things - she probably gets thrown on fly rail alot and is bitter about it because she'd rather move stuff on stage

Chip: - Set - Now he might not be great at it - but he would just really enjoy using the power tools - (and Jay would be on his ass about it constantly because he is Not safe like at ALL) - he probably gets put on like the super heavy set piece for a scene change and will do nothing but complain about it

Gillion: - ok this one was hard - i dont think hes set crew - but i do think hes usually been crowned the official Heavy Set Piece Mover - just because hes the theatres resident Strong Man - honestly i think he's scared of most of the power tools tbh jhkfsdjhk - he's probably just general stage crew, aka just the jack of all trades guy that any of the crews can use if they need an extra hand - (however he never helps any of the crews that require like a steady hand, like makeup, costume, or props, just bc of how big and clunky he is hjkfsdjkh)

Queen: - probably props or makeup/costume - theyre utterly terrified of ANY power tools and will avoid the shop like the PLAGUE - she probably really enjoy just sitting and working on small details for props while they blare music - (she is also the person in the theatre with the BEST music tastes, literally the best rehearsal playlist) - you look away from queen for maybe an hour and he will come back with the most intricate and beautifully designed prop - and it ends up having maybe 5 seconds of screen time and will have to get deconstructed once shows over

Gryffon: - okay so he's the guy that everyone thought would be the resident strong man when he joined the theatre. - and while technically he is, this poor man finds a way to break fucking anything - working on a set piece? it will crumble when he walks in the room. - working on lighting? they lamps will explode - he's the murphys law man. if anything could go wrong, it Will if he's in the room - its gotten to the point where every show the theatre does a ritual to the Theatre Gods in hopes that gryffon's powers of Pure Destruction may be nullified long enough for them to actually get shit done - he probably just gets put on fly rail because thats the only thing he hasn't managed to break

Alphonze: - Lighting / Sound for SURE - i would trust this man to operate the board - he's literally a god at programming cues, hes always on time - he cuts the mic out the SECOND the actor leaves the stage, he gets mic problems fixed INSTANTLY - if somethings wrong with a light, he IMMEDITAELY knows how to fix it - he is essentially the Antichrist to gryffon's destructive power - its the Theatre Superstition that if Alphonze and Gryffon are in the same room for too long it'll cause a singularity

Lizzie: - Set or maybe even Stage Manager - she's probably stage manager, but like only hangs out with techies - because being in the room with the cast and their songs for too long makes her just actually wanna die - shes super chill, but then tech week hits and she means BUISNESS - her ass gets things DONE - they could be in any stage of the creative process, and lizzie will find a way to speedrun it in the best and most efficient way possible

Caspian: - Makeup / Costume - like i imagine him helping people do their makeup in the dressing rooms before show - he would also be that one poor head costume manager helping the main character with the worlds most stressful quick change - or the poor mf who has to speed safety pin someones clothes together because it ripped mid performance

Marshal John: - literally THE set guy, aside from Jay - you need something heavy moved quickly? get john - power tools broken? get john - literally any problem that could easily be solved by a Big Strong Man? john. - he, like gillion, is the other Resident Strong Guy - however all prop people know to never get NEAR him, because this poor man has a way of literally just breathing on a prop and causing it to shatter - he's just big and clunky and can't handle delicate things

Drey and Finn: - the resident Uncles of the theatre - they don't work there - but theyre there to support their Kids TM - drey probably donates random pieces of furniture to the set department - and finn makes BANGER meals for the crew when it gets closer to performance - and they work like 12+ hours without eating - finn will MAKE SURE these poor kids get their nutriants

Earl: - in the same vein, he's also just one of the resident Uncles - once before a performance earl didn't make them juice - and literally Everything went wrong - so now everyone is convinced that Earl's juice is Magical and Blessed - and if the theatre doesn't get blessed by his juice, everyone fears for their life - Earl uses this to his advantage, and will actively threaten people to drink his juice by saying like "if you don't drink this i'll make sure that chandelier breaks right before the finale!!" - and the poor set crew kids just start SWEATING

[biasbuck]

BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays

Happy Friday everyone! Back again with another round of the fic I've been reading this week. You can find previous rec lists here.

A reminder I'm here for all buddie/bucktommy/buddietommy configurations, enough love to go around!

17 May 2024

through the fire and the sound by @kirkaut 'It all starts when Tommy has to cancel their plans for Friday. Or: Evan Buckley and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.' The reason this week's rec list is coming a little later in the day, was because I was absolutely immersed in this 10k one shot and couldn't stop reading! I really loved the Buck characterisation in particular in this one, his voice rang out so strongly, supported, teased and cared for by the 118, and just ready to take those next steps with Tommy. Loved how their relationship was developed and showcased with the depth of love explored. After a series of bad calls end in injury, sometimes you have to embrace the moment!

you’ve got too much to wear on your sleeve by @try-set-me-on-fire apparently I was in the mood for some good ol' hurt/comfort this week, because in this one Tommy’s helicopter goes down, and whilst Maddie reassures Buck he'll be ok, in an effort to distract himself from worrying on the job, Buck concentrates on fixing the station AC unit. I really enjoyed the structure of this one, how Buck's work continues even once he knows what's happened because he still has a shift, and Tommy sending Maddie updates to reassure Buck was just very sweet.

prescribed burn and aerial ignition by @wakeupnew is a brilliantly crafted 7x06 coda, in which 'Tommy's busy fighting a wildfire at the edge of the Angeles National Forest, but every time he checks his phone, he has an increasingly unbelievable series of text messages.' I LOVED the text messages added in to this fic, such a great mix of sweet and drunken and funny and charming and appropriately alarming. Continuing the trend of them showing concern for each other, I also just loved Tommy's appreciation of clipboard Buck, drunk Buck, worried brother-in-law Buck and safe in his arms Buck. And the follow up is a beautifully soft and sexy morning after epilogue.

give your heart and soul to charity by @exhuastedpigeon is a buddie fic with background 'keeping things fluid' bucktommy, and crucially in which 'Eddie dumps God, gets some more therapy, accepts parts of himself he was taught to hate, loves his best friend, and loves himself.' With gorgeous evocative writing, lots and lots of Eddie introspection and some very pleasing healing Catholic Guilt to joyful unrepression arc, there's emotional ups and downs along the way that made my heart ache.

To Build a Home We Deconstruct Our Rituals by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels was another buddie fic I was recommended from a few years ago to read to get inside Eddie's head and is my favourite of tropes - fake marriage of convenience with co-habitation and mutual pining and very real feelings they've yet to articulate. Post-shooting, Eddie has concerns about the legal strength of Buck being Christopher's guardian in case of his death...so he totally marries him about it. My favourite thing was just nobody really batting an eye, until it became undeniable. And Maddie's reaction.

i could be the one (or your new addiction) by @bucktheally 'Five times Buck had to put a dollar in the Mentioning Tommy jar during 7x07, and one time nobody was around to catch him.' 118 firefam team banter my beloved!! As fun as this season has been I am MISSING ME some firetruck team conversations allowed by a longer season, and this fic fills the void magnificently.

PS - once again sending out the signal to ask if you have any henren authors/fic recs I should check out PLEASE let me know! I love them!

Also it's my birthday tomorrow and you know you want to point me towards any of your buddietommy fics that I missed!

[o-uncle-newt]

Cabin Pressure Advent Day 12: Limerick

LIIIIIMMMMEEERRRRIIICCCCKKKK!

OK so full disclosure, I wrote this yesterday. The two reasons are a) I knew I'd be busy today with no time to do it and b) after Kuala Lumpur I needed to get in a listen of my third favorite Cabin Pressure episode to remind myself what I love so much about this show. It was a Good Decision.

I mean, what is there to say that hasn't already been said by so many? It's hilariously funny, beautifully constructed, full of great character moments, and gives us a game of 20 Questions to play alongside of. (Though I WILL admit, the visual of a game of charades to try to convey/guess what's in the box... does definitely tickle me lol.) There are so many different moving pieces and they all slot in together SO WELL.

I said in a previous post that Limerick is the episode I listen to when I'm feeling lonely. (Incidentally, it's also probably the episode I've listened to the most, period. I wish there was a way to figure out how many times, because I wouldn't be surprised if it's 100+.) I decided that while listening this time I'd try to bear that in mind, and see what it is about the episode that just works for those moments. And I think that there are a bunch of different things that all work together-

For one thing, and this almost doesn't need to be said, but it's just... really funny! And listening to funny things is just generally a great way to feel better about things. Pretty self-explanatory.

It's also the episode that, more than any other, is us basically eavesdropping on a bunch of people talking to each other and hanging out. It's in real time, as though we're just listening in on the satcom or whatever, and there's something nice, when you're alone, about listening in on others, especially others who you've come to love, having a nice time.

More than that, loneliness is a bit of a theme in this episode. Martin and Carolyn admit that they're lonely in their personal lives, and Douglas, after initially lying through his teeth about it, admits that he's newly alone as well, after being betrayed by a wife who he loved (I'm still not over the brown sauce thing). For one thing, when you're lonely, hearing other people say they're lonely is always nice; for another, knowing that Martin and Carolyn, at least, will end up meeting people who make them happy is a nice booster.

And for a third thing... well, it plays into what I've been saying about how so much of what I love about this show is how characters become closer through showing vulnerability. Feeling alone can be (almost tautologically) isolating, and admitting it to other people can take a lot of courage, especially when it's tied up in other related insecurities. Martin's loneliness is tied in, in his mind at least, with his not being a "real" paid airline pilot; Carolyn's is admitted to despite her wanting to project that feeling of control and fulfillment that running her own business gives her; and Douglas's... well, it's basically a semi-deconstruction of a mythos. Being left is bad enough, but being cheated on... especially for someone who said back in Fitton that he and Helena were united by a shared belief that he is terrific, this is a pretty big sea change to admit to having happened. And it's a big thing for him to admit he's upset about, and to accept condolences about from Martin; he moves past that part pretty quickly by making jokes about tai chi, but he's much less bitter than he was back in Gdansk, when it was a lot fresher and he felt a lot more unbalanced. An episode where Douglas is vulnerable will always be an interesting episode- and one that really symbolizes that they're becoming inextricably connected.

(I'll also add parenthetically that the flight being one that carries horse sperm from one end of the world to the other is an interesting symbolism for loneliness and lack of connection... and leave it there because, like Arthur, thinking about it too long mildly grosses me out lol.)

Anyway, so much else to say about it but I won't belabor the point- just to say.... this episode, like Gdansk, has been so incredibly important to me for so long that it's almost hard to even try to break it down into elements. And I'll take this moment to thank John Finnemore for having written it.

Tomorrow (so to speak)... Molokai!

[chuckwon]

My incomparable friend Deirdre T. (aka @sourtimesmachine on here) has posted an article about The Winchesters that perfectly encapsulates how and why the show is a masterpiece, what its depths highlight about Dean’s story in-narrative and out-of-narrative, and how what is ostensibly an exploration of the past is actually commentary on Supernatural and a path for the future.

Nearly every monster on this show takes its victims to another place— hidden lairs, pocket dimensions, buried spaces inside their own minds. Escape, every time, means the same thing: transformative catharsis centered around truth and the breaking of traumatic cycles. Telling your parent you believe in yourself, letting go of your father’s plan even if making your own is scarier, telling your childhood self that you’re going to fight for them and give them back their choices, confessing your guiltiest secrets and allowing your friends to accept and love you as a whole, giving up false peace for real love. Characters are offered ways to forget, to live free of their guilt, pain, and trauma, but this is never the answer. This isn’t real. They learn instead to let themselves examine the bad, embrace that it is part of them, and use it to inform and strengthen their ability to fight for the good as a more complete and centered person. It is fundamentally a story about healing, being told to us by someone whose own story ended with profound pain. Whose story ended in a trap, never escaping the cycle, never getting to speak or fully embrace his own truth or choice. Never getting to live. Rather than avoiding the narrative burden of Dean’s death and all the circumstances, both in story and out, that led us to it, The Winchesters is breaking it down. It is examining each theme that was regressed by the finale and pointedly reaffirming it. It’s telling us that what happened to Dean was wrong, that there is something to be done about it. It’s, maybe, trying to help us heal too.

I cannot recommend this full article highly enough. Unsurprisingly, Deirdre beautifully summarized a bird's eye view of much of my thoughts on this show. I feel like I want to print out pamphlets of this and hand it out in public!!!! But sharing it on this blog will have to be enough.

No matter what the events of the season one finale hold tomorrow, this show could not have been louder or clearer. Dean Winchester spoke to us for 12 episodes by comprehensively deconstructing every aspect of his ending, condemning it repeatedly and consistently, and showing us that he's doing his best to break free of it. And, through him, the real-world team behind this show conveyed the same in kind.

The Winchesters could not have been more validating and (in my opinion) thrilling at every turn. By design, there is SO MUCH in it to examine and talk about, all within the context of it being Dean's story. It's unbelievably dense in clever ways I don't think any of us could have expected.

(And it must be said that I did not watch this show every week expecting to see Chuck Won propaganda, and yet, EVERY WEEK...)

Anyway. Please read this article.

And if you've avoided watching this show, consider this your sign that you absolutely should watch it.

[cliozaur]

Last month, "The Motive and the Cue" moved to the West End (originally staged at the National Theatre), symbolically finding a home at the Noël Coward Theatre, where John Gielgud played Hamlet back in 1934.

After less than two weeks of our read-along of "Emails from an Actor," I was so excited to see this play that I could hardly breathe when I saw "Day 1, The Play’s the Thing" projected on the black curtain! Honestly, this has been the best play I’ve seen in the last four or five months (and I go to the West End almost every week). The entire production revolves around the captivating power struggle between the legendary John Gielgud and the flamboyant Richard Burton, with Elizabeth Taylor acting as a calming force. Act one, aptly titled "The Motive," explodes with conflict, culminating in a public humiliation of Gielgud by Burton, and the second act, “The Cue,” focuses on the peace process and completes with reconciliation and a successful premiere. It’s rare to find an end of the play stronger and more cathartic than an end of the first act, but this play achieves it beautifully.

Johnny Flynn breathes life into Burton, portraying him as charismatic, expressive, and loud, yet hinting at hidden demons. However, I felt that he was trying too hard to mimic Burton's voice and mannerisms. Flynn's natural voice doesn't have the same level of hoarseness, so much of his performance feels more like an impersonation.

Tuppence Middleton steals the show as Taylor. Her captivating presence shines in every scene, offering a nuanced portrayal that deconstructs the stereotypical image of the airheaded Hollywood beauty. The connection she forms with Luke Norris' William Redfield, based on their shared childhood experiences as actors, is a delightful highlight. Redfield is arguably the most prominent supporting character, and his presence is impactful. But, unfortunately, there was no Sterne.

The real star and the absolute best part of it all was Mark Gatiss as John Gielgud. He is so natural in this role: knowledgeable, gentle, charismatic, witty, and extremely vulnerable. (By the end, you yearn to offer him a comforting hug.) This is exactly how I imagined Gielgud from what I’ve read so far in Redfield’s and Sterne’s texts. During the first rehearsals, Mark Gatiss even did something mentioned by Sterne: “he was also acting all the parts with the actors, mouthing the lines, reflecting the emotions in his facial expressions, and kinesthetically making all the gestures.” It was so lovely! And he did many things described by Redfield as part of Gielgud's ‘directing style.’ It was amusing to recognize quotes from both Redfield and Sterne throughout the whole play, even if repurposed for different situations.

The staging was both beautiful and smart. They used three locations: the big white rehearsal room, the smaller red hotel room (of Burton and Taylor), and the smallest blue room (of Gielgud). This last room was the most intimate space, where Redfield came for acting advice (and Gielgud told him that his advice cannot make him a better actor) and where Gielgud himself brought a sex worker boy ('I just wanted to do something reckless') – this is the most touching scene! I also liked the production’s attention to details: for example, when Taylor and Burton host a party in their room, we see vases with flowers – roses and tulips, and when we return to their room a few days later, we see these same flowers withered!

I really enjoyed the play. It was a captivating blend of wit, intelligence, and genuine tenderness. And it was nice to see our guys 'alive.' Gatiss/Gielgud is my big love! The whole experience made me very emotional.

The three rooms:

Our boy William (Luke Norris):

Mark Gatiss/John Gielgud:

[thevoidscreamer]

Reclaiming the winter holiday season.

Christmas was not always a hard time for me. When my grandma Yvonne was alive, she made it magical. Every year we would have a holiday tea party with parlor games, fancy hats from the 20s and 30s, amazing food… and her house was always beautifully set up on the inside with simple kitsch decor. She’d set up this little ceramic village and let my brother and me put the people and the snow on it. I would get to see the side of my family that my mother always despised — my witchy aunt, my Peruvian shaman uncle, my sports-loving cousin who’s now crossed over to the other side.

Yvonne was my best friend, and also the kind and gentle hand that kept my mom in check. She lived at my house during her dying days, though she did officially pass in her own home, at her request. She was the epitome of gentle, affirming love to which I have always aspired.

We didn’t spend every Christmas with her. We made a point of visiting my mother’s mother and step dad in Nevada for holidays, too. One year, when we were particularly down on our luck, they came to us. My mother’s mother, Sue, is still around. She was good at keeping up the Christmas magic, always making gifts from “Sandy Claws” and the reindeer. One year, most of us cousins on my mom’s side got to stay over at her house (one of my cousins was in jail so he couldn’t be there. I’ve actually never met him). We had sleeping bags and we played games on the Super Nintendo and my now late aunt made some amazing culinary masterpiece. We played a huge game of hide and seek.

I have only this year allowed myself to voice these sweet and beautiful core memories. For all their magic, there is pain that wells up alongside them. I miss Yvonne. I resent my mother for alienating me from my cousins and aunts on all sides. Other christmases never stacked up because my parents would fight about it constantly during the season. My dad wanted us to have the magic and mystery he did as a child. My mom disagreed with the pagan roots. They both struggled with mental health and dysregulation, which can be exacerbated by the weather and pressures of that time of year. The best Christmas present I ever got was my dog Daisy. But when I reached adulthood, my parents made it clear I couldn’t take her with me when I moved out. It’s just a lot of bitter-sweetness. A lot of grief.

By adulthood I was disenchanted with the whole thing. The commercialism, consumerism, materialism; the politicization of some imaginary “war on Christmas” that demonizes non-Christians; the pressure to give a gift to every single person in your life, lest they feel left out. Plus, I had begun deconstructing my evangelical upbringing. Why celebrate Christmas if I’m not Christian?

I had three best friends who were huge on celebrating Christmas, all of whom invited me to their various holiday events. Slowly, starting in high school, their happy little traditions became cornerstones of joy amidst my struggles with homelessness, depression, dysphoria, anxiety, abuse, PTSD, etc. but it wasn’t until this year, now, as I approach the horizon of 29 years of life on this planet, that I’ve allowed myself to just feel Christmas joy, and the grief that comes with it.

One of the aforementioned besties (in her 60s) is very, very sick. I’m realizing that she may not be around next Christmas. I’ve been thinking about how she’s always included me in her life, kind of like a third kid (she’s got two) and how important this holiday is to her.

I’ve been thinking about how one of the other besties, her mom loved the holiday, but passed away our sophomore year on Christmas Eve. Bestie and I preserved her Christmas traditions for the little siblings, and now that bestie has a kid, she will be passing those down to the little one, whose first Christmas is this year.

I’ve been thinking about my late grandmother, aunt, and cousin, and the ways they all spread Christmas cheer in their own unique ways. Decorating, cooking, being kind. They built a safe space for me, a kid who was struggling to feel loved, accepted, safe, or stable in my own home.

I remember my grandmother saying, “well, what do you think we should do?” Highlighting that my artistic vision matters.

My aunt saying, “well go ahead and try it, and if you don’t like it just spit it out!” Reminding me that I am allowed to disagree with people in authority, and that it’s important to listen to my body.

My cousin saying, “it’s okay if you don’t want to play, sometimes it’s nice just to be together.” Letting me know that I‘ll still be loved, even if I’m not constantly displaying happiness or agreeability.

I still celebrate yule, as has been my personal tradition since 2014, but this year I’m celebrating Christmas, too. I’m hanging stockings. I’m making a little paper tree. Im wearing red and green and dancing to the music in the grocery store. I’m watching Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town and A Christmas Carol and The Polar Express. I’m lighting candles and allowing my joy and grief to mingle. I’m celebrating the lives, loves, and losses that led me to who and where I am. I’m choosing to continue the legacies of the people who loved me when I did not know what it felt like to be loved.

Happy holidays ♥️ I hope yours is full of peace and reflection, kindness, joy, and stable, affirming love.

[dynamightmite]

Hawks and Twice; Identities and Foils

Part one, lol

Okay, season six is fully out so I can finally talk about the Hawks killing Twice scene without tagging it as spoilers because. Listen. I love you guys, but some of the takes I’ve been reading about it are just maybe not the scalding hot read you think they are. So... let’s talk about it.

There are a few things that most people have picked up on and that I’d like to reestablish so we can all move past them to the nitty-gritty stuff. First is that, yes, Hawks is in the wrong for killing Twice. Narratively,  it is considered by everyone (including Hawks himself) to have been a bad thing to do. There’s so much grief surrounding Twice’s death, and everyone involved is badly affected by it. That’s the point of the scene. You aren’t supposed to have the takeaway that this was a righteous act, or that it was fair; it’s supposed to feel brutal, and wrong, and disgusting. You are supposed to come away questioning a lot of preestablished “truths” of the series. The main one here, of course, being that the roles of Heroes and Villains may not be as clear-cut as previously shown.

HOWEVER. The continuing takeaway is not really meant to be that Hawks is evil, or that the villains were actually in the right all along. Sure, you can personally dislike Hawks and/or his actions, but narratively speaking, this scene is not supposed to reframe him as somehow worse than the actual villains. What this scene is mean to accomplish is a deconstruction of the concept of heroes, villains, and the ties that bind them to better understand their similarities as much as their differences.

Identity is a prominent theme throughout the story, and the way Horikoshi plays with both the concept of identity and roles in this scene is really interesting and very well done. 

To start with the easier stuff, the first two “identities” that are immediately flipped on their heads are the titles of Hero and Villain. Both within the story and as an audience with our own external culture, we can recognize that Heroes are supposed to be 'good' and Villains are supposed to be 'bad'. That's a presupposed fact, and it's not hard to see that, while this has usually been true in the context of the story, suddenly it's not so clear—how can someone be a Hero when they're acting the way Hawks does? How can that be ordered by the people in charge of the Heroes? Sanctioned? Approved of?

The obvious answer that I'm sure you're telling me to get to already is that the heroes aren't always 'good', and that Hero society is, in fact, worse.

The art emphasizes this beautifully (seriously, the art in this scene is so good); Hawks the Hero stands shadowed and coldly predatory, while Twice the Villain is on his back, belly-up on the ground, trembling and crying. Hawks mocks Twice for being too trusting, Twice tells him that he had to be, because it was kind. And he can’t imagine not being that.

And this polarity reveals why it is so important that these two, who superficially have very little in common, undermine the dichotomy between Hero and Villain. Because Hawks and Twice actually have one very specific trait that connects them: the desire to help people.

Now, they obviously show it very differently and have opposing definitions on who, exactly, they believe deserves help. That’s what makes them foils. But the gut-wrenching string between these two men is that they are both trying to protect people. That’s their underlying goal, the one fundamental principle they both have that they will not waver on; unstoppable force, meet immovable object. They are, for this one moment, the same person. Because it’s also not as simple as just their desire to protect people—it’s that they both were inevitably going to end up in this stand-off. 

Something I don’t see talked about very much is how both Hawks and Twice are being used. It’s pretty obvious with Hawks, having been essentially bought as a child and manipulated by the HPSC to become the perfect hero and do what’s asked of him on the basis that, again, he wants to help people. He was a kid who was so alone and so desperate to be good, and then the HPSC, seeing how much potential he had, swooped in and offered him the resources and ability to make his dreams come true. He is a good person whose trust and sense of compassion have been manipulated so that he commits reprehensible acts because he is both told and genuinely believes that they will save people’s lives. And the really fucked up part is that they’re right— but more on that later.

For the people saying— “but that’s not like Twice at all. Twice is working with the League. They’re his friends. He loves them”—yeah that’s my whole point. What is the one thing Twice desperately wants, more than anything? Companionship. The feeling that he isn’t alone. Love. He’s been by himself almost his whole life, and his every choice has been reflective of his desire to have meaningful connections. He wants to be surrounded by people who accept him, and he wants to accept them in turn. and the League take advantage of that.

Now, before anybody gets mad, yes, the League do actually care about each other. Their relationships are complicated to say the least, and not really the found family that I see cropping up sometimes in Fanon, but they have each other’s backs, and they take care of each other. They don’t mind Twice’s eccentricities, and in fact even praise him for them. 

Which is sort of the problem. On his own, Twice is, at best, an unstable man willing to steal and ignore a lot of societal rules for the sake of his own comfort and happiness. But he isn’t naturally violent. In fact, the first time he experiences real, visceral violence, it traumatizes him so badly he gains an entire dissociative disorder. 

But that’s okay! He doesn’t mind that so much, as long as he has friends. He just wants to be helpful. And oh boy, does the League want his help. 

For people who do (in my opinion) genuinely care about Twice, they also ask him to do a lot of fucked up stuff (like kidnapping, and murder, and other general terrorist stuff). Because it benefits them. What other organization does that, I wonder?

Oh. Right.

Twice is dangerous. I’m sorry to all the people that like to infantilize him and act like he wasn’t about to run out of the door and murder and/or severely injure a bunch of heroes/civilians, but Twice was, canonically, going to go do that.  Because he believed that that was the only way to save his friends. That’s part of why this scene is so horrific and well written, because either way it went, someone was going to lose. And the unfortunate reality is that if Hawks didn’t stop him, Twice was going to go commit some unforgiveable crimes to a lot of people who didn’t deserve it, and he was never going to go quietly, because that’s not the kind of person that he is. Which Hawks understands; he’s the same way. But it’s also awful because neither of them should have ever been put in the position to have to make this choice. 

A big part of what the story explores when it comes to identities is how they are defined, and who gives them to you. Hawks and Twice both actively struggle with this, being two people who don't feel (rightly or not) that they've had a lot of agency in their lives.

Hawks wants to help people, but he feels stifled by the role of Hero, which was chosen for him, and whose expectations he chafes against. For as much as he supports the HPSC and upholds their goals, he has a lot of doubts and critiques of how hero society works. He is a Hero because somebody else saw him and thought he should be, not necessarily because he decided to be all on his own, regardless of his own twisted view of his past. But he doesn't always like what is asked of him, or the restraints that working for the HPSC puts on him. It's heavily implied that he feels like his personhood has been lost to his Hero identity (Hawks, as opposed to Keigo), and doesn't know how to reconcile his own actions with the public's perception of him.

Twice, similarly, had his role chosen for him at a young age (hitting a guy with his motorcycle and spiraling afterwards) and actively dislikes the label of Villain. He's not someone who craves violence or cruelty, but rather someone who gravitates towards it because he's run out of other options. And if the only people who are kind to him are Villains, what does that say about Heroes and their so-called goodness? Twice doesn't know that he, or any of the League, should be called Villains. How can they be worse than the heroes when basic decency is too much to ask of the people you're meant to idolize?

They're both caged by the way the world sees them versus the way they want to be seen, as well as trapped by the choices they've made in relation to the people they wish they were. Because, to be clear, they do both make choices. That's how they end up where they do, both wishing they were somewhere else—or maybe someone else.

Twice is a killer who never set out to be a killer. Hawks is a killer who never set out to be a killer. Twice is a Villain. Hawks is a Hero.

They’re in a room alone together. Outside are all the people they want to protect. Someone has to blink first.

In this moment, they are the same. 

[lenateliier]

How would you describe tai sui to someone who wants to read?

Agh I am so terribly sorry for the late response!! I've been very busy lately ^^" however!!! I can now go on for 50+ hours on why you should read it wahaha

So you want to read Tai Sui 🤨 Bring several boxes of tissues then, you'll need them!! It's an absolutely phenomenal novel that I think everyone should at least try - it's just your classic fun little family friendly xianxia that definitely won't grab you by the throat and wring you dry of everything you've ever felt 😉

For the absolute basics, Tai Sui is 247 chapters + 7 extras long, and it's a steampunk xianxia + historical fantasy. What's even better is that it has a lovely coherent completed translation done by E.Danglers!! It does not have a character pairing but PLEASE do not let the fact that it isn't a danmei dissaude you from reading!!! Tai Sui is such a rich and beautifully written novel for so many different aspects it's just so!!! *clenches fist*

As you may expect from it being a work by Priest, it's a deconstruction/breakdown of the xianxia genre with astoundingly intricate world building, detailing just what effect cultivation really has on the environment and the people who live there. It feels so incredibly weighty in the sense that it's so lived in, so very tangible..... One of my favourite things about it is that it showcases so much of the tragedy of the average person; the result of cultivation being so prominent and exclusive of the general public, the class divides it creates....and it does so through characters that aren't even named, while still making it sting! There's a handful of scenes like this I can think of off the top of my head but I wouldn't want to spoil them wahaha, so here's a screenshot of my reading thread mentioning it!

Another thing it does that I adore about Tai Sui is how it toys with the concept of what makes a deity/god. Think TGCF, but where TGCF came the the conclusion that gods are just the same as humans and left it at that, Tai Sui dissects that even further from various angles. What makes a god? Why do they hold that much power? Do they owe anything to the people? Should they? What makes them legitimate? Why can't we question them? Or to quote a scene from chapter 128, “so which are higher, the gods in heaven, or the gods on earth?” It's so incredibly good when contrasted against the MC, Xi Ping, and his situation that you'll see progress in the novel!! I don't want to spoil too much wehehe.

Priest touches on and explores so many different concepts over the course of it too!! To name just a few (courtesy of @/iplepee who made a list of these on twitter) there's environmental injustice, labour exploitation, resource monopoly, phrenology, the power of language, the power of names!!!!..... WAH I cannot stress it enough how amazing this novel is.... It's so beautifully done.

The characters too are incredibly enjoyable....agh...AGH OUR MC ESPECIALLY oh he has a special place in my heart my xiaobao 😭😭 to name just a few of my favourites it would be Xi Ping, Zhou Ying, Zhi Xiu, Xi Yue, Wei Chengxiang, Yu Chang, Zhao Qindan, Lin Chi, Wen Fei.....wahhhh so many...but honestly there are so many great characters and all I can do is clutch my chest at them,,, the relations between them, their interactions, what they mean to each other, how those ties affect their actions — it's so amazing and compelling. I've hinted at it in the prior little paragraphs but more than anything Tai Sui can be considered a story of the people, really.

Xi Ping especially is such a wonderful character and I really do think that out of all the Priest mcs, he is perhaps the most tragic one — not that you would know it until you think about it for a while longer :') Xi Ping does this wonderful little trick of fooling you into thinking everything is fine and good and great. I think one of the things that Tai Sui fans debate over a lot is whether it would have been more painful to see Xi Ping cry, or whether the fact that we never do see him just. Give himself a moment to breathe and feel that is the most painful......He comes close to it in one particular chapter, and those who have read it know exactly which one I'm talking about 😚😚

If you have ever read any of Priest's novels before, then in classic Priest fashion she will tear you apart and glue you back together only to maul you even worse than before. And it's such a great experience!!! You're in tears and you sit there gratefully. When I say Tai Sui changed my brain chemistry on a fundamental level I mean it... I have never been the same person since. The Tai Sui fandom on twitter, best described, is just a bunch of sadomasochists 😭😭👍

I'll stop here because I really could go on forever, but if you need any further reason to start this novel, please just take a look at some of these (not spoilery, don't worry!!!!) posts from my reading thread;

PLEASE READ TAI SUI!!! PLEASE READ IT!!!!!!! WAHHHHH HA HAAAA this novel means so much to me!!!