#and it'll be my new thing this week. since i dont eat a lot of tomatoes believe it or not

[starswallowingsea]

mmmm gonna make stuffed tomatoes on friday i think

[supernaturalkickparty]

ok now that i've had some time to process this week/weekend i think im ready for a little vent? a ramble? just talk about what happened? yeah i like that, just talk about how this weekend went.

ok so this whole week was us keeping an eye on hurricane beryl since we live in the coastal bend out by Corpus Christi.

on friday my mom made the decision that we all should leave, with my husband driving up front leading the way to San Antonio because it's up north and rain was probably the worst they were gonna get.

so saturday she has me book the hotel, map out the drive, call up my sister in law, and all i can think about is how is my child going to act because he has a tendency to act wild.

not his fault, he's 4, he's got that adhd energy, and he's all about routine and this trip really did fuck with his routine.

so sunday morning, i get up at 4 something, i'm double checking the bags, double checking the local news, weather channel, packing lunch boxes for him to snack on the drive cause San Antonio is like 2 hours away, even if we go through Mathis, its like 2 hours.

im doing this and im trying to wake my husband up so he can help me load up the car and hes sound asleep 🙃

so im hauling ass to clean up because everyone all decided they wanted breakfast instead of buying tacos on the way out of town and my husband and child wake up at 6 to get ready for the trip and im like its fine. its all fine and honestly i wanted to scream.

we all load up in the two cars and my mom and her husband dont follow the gps well and they wanted to follow us instead of the gps because they're too set in their ways and thankfully my brother talked them into typing in the hotel address into the gps in case we got separated on the road.

anyway the fist half of the trip went without a hitch, until we hit the fist pit stop.

my child almost threw himself on the floor for a captain america plushie, one he ALREADY HAS and for a teddy bear backpack. it looked mangy af.

we get back on the road and he's eating his snack box, my other brother rode with us to help with the child and im grateful for that.

it wasn't until pit stop number 2 that all hell broke loose.

he went to the bathroom and on the way into the gas station they had a fuckload of looney tunes merch and those tweety palatas and he wanted one but we told him no cause it'll melt in the car and hes gonna gag when he feels it on him. he has a lot of texture issues and i was trying to avoid it.

instead we carried him out like a surf board and we had a 30 minute meltdown to deal with complete with spitting, kicking the back of the seat, taking his shoes off and trying to throw them at us, biting his blanky, throwing his stuffed animals at my brother who was trying to comfort him, and it was just a lot to deal with while we were trying to hear the gps and having to ignore my moms calls so we dont miss an exit.

we get to the hotel and my mom starts going off on how we drove so fast and that she almost lost us and she wasn't going anywhere and we were gonna have to go to the store for her.

i had to remind her we were gonna stay at my sister in laws because we dont have money for a room. we barely had money for gas.

we help her settle in and shes mad over the fact that the heb, walmart, and whataburger are a good distant aways and she was gonna have to drive to places and didn't want to. she claims i lied to her on the places nearby. i told her i didnt lie and i showed her on maps where the places were.

it was still too far for her. so me and my husband got our things and her list and bought what she asked for.

we got back to the room and everyone's on edge/upset and i feel so uncomfortable i wanna scream.

my child is wanting to run around and we all had to remind him its a hotel room and he can't be too loud or we can get kicked out. we ended up leaving to my inlaws after we got done running errands for my mom since her, her husband, and my brothers refused to drive anywhere in the city.

getting to my in laws was like driving to fury road oh my fucking god.

the construction!!!! i hate it. i'll never complain about Corpus traffic or construction again.

child ends up falling asleep on the way to the in laws and he ends up waking up when we get there and he makes himself right at home. he's never met my husbands sisters so it was really sweet how easy he went with them but also scary cause my child is too damn friendly and loveable.

the stay was stressful cause the house is not kid proof and thats not their fault, its their space, my sister in law and her husband have their apartment decorated their way and my younger sister in law has her space decorated her way.

we eventually get settled in and go to bed just to get a 5am wakeup call from my mom that the storm shifted waaaay the hell away and we can head back to town today.

packing up in chingas, waking up a sleepy child and having to guide him to the bathroom while hes half asleep was a thing, had to pack lunchboxes for him and then we were off.

we settled in and i wanted to sleep all day and i still haven't napped but i feel more relaxed now since the child is asleep and we unpacked and i feel better knowing the storm shifted.

the way back was a lot easier. one pit stop and the child didn't need to go to the bathroom until we got home so drive home was definitely a win.

i hope theres no more storms the rest of this hurricane season and i hope we dont have to leave anymore because i can't do this shit again.

[kart0]

meds update plus vent

I think if you follow me and read these you can probably tell that I use my Tumblr account as a diary to vent and post art, it's literally the one social media I DONT use bc I don't know how it works and most people don't see these anyways

so I'll keep updating about how I feel and stuff

today is day 3 on antidepressants.

first day was rough, I definitely had a mental breakdown but I am pretty sure it wasn't the meds. I felt a bit dizzy at dinner tho

second day I felt super dizzy, and I didn't eat much, I think it makes me lose my appetite. but I was able to finish the two uni projects I had to submit on the day. I felt very productive. whether this was the meds or not, I don't know. probably it's the placebo effect.

third day, I feel very tired. yet, I am on my period and we travelled to meet family members ( it was very good to see them again, they're mostly elder aunties, and we didn't see them bc of the pandemic ) but I got a headache that didn't really stop and I took a pill. I'm still having this headache, it's a dull, sorta there but not incapacitating. So, I'm feeling very tired, but still, who knows if it's bc of the antidepressants. it's been a hectic day either way. I feel my body buzzing though, and time is weird. but ! I know it can take one to two weeks for the antidepressants start working, so I think I'm just really exhausted from life basically. the mental breakdown I had on the first day really REALLY took a toll on me

I'm currently trying to sleep earlier and wake up in the morning so I can take my meds. it's currently 1:40AM but it's way better than before. I was usually sleeping at 3-4AM. On the first night I went to sleep at 3:00AM, on the second night I was able to sleep at 2:30AM, and now, it's 1:41AM and I think I'll be able to sleep at 2AM after posting this.

I feel tired, and tomorrow ( today ) we have our elections and I feel a bit stressed because of it. and on the upcoming week, it's exam week, and there are a lot of uni projects due as well, so I already know it's probably going to be hard on me. I'm a bit worried that I will get too dizzy to take my exams, and it'll affect my performance. but I guess I can talk to the teachers or something.

I need to open as well commissions, I got into a gacha hole and it was really predatory and, while I didn't get in any financial trouble, it ate up basically all my savings that I kept since I was 12. And I'm still trying really really hard to stop this addiction. Whenever I get the impulse to waste more money I have to pause, breathe deep, look into my sketchbook ( I wrote how much I spent in total, and I wrote goals and promises ) and close the game. It sucks and I feel terrible, for spending and not spending. I know it's of course not worth it, yet the immediate rewards really do kind of brainwash and condition you to keep spending more. So, my goal is to stop spending, get back all the money I spent, maybe selling commissions, but I'm not sure yet but art is the only thing I'm good at. and once I get my money back, I'll lock it. and then, if I do make a profit, then I will use it to treat myself ( rather on games or not ). I'm trying really hard guys, I promise I am

I know it sounds so fucking stupid but I'm actually trying my best. I know it's not enough but I'm trying to be kinder to myself, and to take baby steps. We can't create or stop habits overnight and I really want to get better.

I'll probably keep updates like this: day 3 ( yesterday ), day 5, day 7, day 10, day 15, day 20, day 25, and day 30 ( which then I'll get a new prescription and maybe different meds or different dosages depending on how I feel )

that's all I had to say, pretty big update and a lot of venting.. if you read it til the end, thank you.

[peterrparrkerr]

Zombie apocalypse au - read on ao3

*-*

Peter doesn't remember life before the virus. He was only five when everyone got sick.

He's seventeen now, and he's never set foot outside of the city. Well, outside of the tower.

There's a curfew -has been since the virus. Those who go into the city for supplies or to work the garden and tend to the livestock have to be inside by five every day.

Peter doesn't have a green thumb, nore does he have a way with animals. And he's got two left hands when it comes to weaponry. So he stays in the tower.

The tower used to be Stark Industries. When the outbreak hit New York, people locked themselves inside, tried to wait it out.

Peter had been with his aunt. She tells him they'd gone to get ice cream and bring some back to his parents.

Aunt May had ran into the closest building -Stark Industries- and had hidden in the basement with Peter. He doesn't remember.

Tony Stark -the owner of Stark Industries- had offered his penthouse to the few who had taken refuge in his building.

After a week, many of the workers left, off to find their families. They never came back.

A month passed, and scouts confirmed the virus had taken over the whole city. Stark tower was the only building the monsters couldn't get to.

So, it became home. Peter grew up running up and down the industrial hallways, playing with the golden retriever one of the hideaways had.

He didnt know anything different. Everyone took care of him, raised him. He was the only kid in the tower.

He might even be the youngest living being in all of New York at this point.

His favorite people to visit and hang out with were Steve and Bucky. They had been walking their new puppy Goldie when the world ended.

They had been married for ten years before. They celebrated their twenty year anniversary a couple years back. Goldie was almost eleven, and didn't like playing as much with Peter -though she still liked to sit with him in the living room when he tinkered with old tech.

Natasha and Clint worked on the ground, so Peter didn't see them much. They could fight a whole swarm of monsters and not get bit. They were the best.

Bruce and Aunt May tended to the garden under their watchful eye. Steve, Bucky and Sam took care of the livestock.

Its strange. The zombies leave animals alone. They only go after people.

Tony, Bucky and Clint go scouting a lot. They run the city, looking for any survivors, or anything the tower could use.

The tower is self-sufficient thanks to Tony's genius. He'd been working on making the entire tower self-sustaining even before the outbreak.

He's only managed to get the top three floors. The rest of the tower has no electricity or running water. That's fine though. Theres not many of them left, and three floors is plenty of space.

The living area is the penthouse. They eat, sleep and breathe there. The second floor down holds all of Tony's old tech, and projects in the works. The third floor down is the weapons and medicine floor.

Peter is on the second floor when the scouting party comes back. He only knows this because of the AI Tony created tells all three floors when people come or go.

Peter sets down his tools and rushes for the staircase. He sails down them and opens the door bodily, nearly falling flat on his face.

"You're back," Peter called, running down the short hallway to the ammunition room. Clint, Bucky and Tony are all unloading their haul and their weapons.

Clint's weapon of choice is a bow and arrow, as well as a long range rifle -he's the eyes, always taking out zombies before they get close enough to spot them.

Bucky is unloading his knives and pistols. Hes best at close combat.

Peter jumps onto the table, watching as Tony checks the magazine of his .9mm, then settle it back into the holster on his thigh.

"How was it," Peter asked, eyeing the two duffle bags on the table, surrounded by magazine clips and disassembled weaponry.

"We made it all the way to the hospital this time," Bucky grinned. Peter's eyes widened. They don't get to the hospital that often, since its clear on the other side of the city, and usually swarming with zombies.

They don't need to go on medical runs much anyway, but Tony likes to keep stocked in case.

"And we hit the motherload," Clint grinned, unzipping one of the bags and revealing canned food from vegetables to soup, the labels all sun bleached and color faded.

"Whoa." Peter reached in, pulling out an old Cambells can, looking at the faded red and white label. He can barely make out the words. "Tomato soup!"

"Thats not all," Bucky hummed. Peter looked up just as Bucky reached into his back pocket.

Peter sets the can down and his eyes widen when Bucky pulls out a deck of cards.

"No way!" Peter leaps off the table, snatching the cards.

"Its a full deck," Bucky grins proudly. Their current deck was a mix of two different cards, and cardboard and plastic pieces they'd drawn the suits and numbers on.

It made it hard to shuffle, and they all knew the suit and number of the makeshift cards. It made for a boring game.

Clint laughed and ruffled Peter's curls before grabbing the food and heading for the penthouse to restock their cupboards.

"Thanks, Bucky," Peter grinned, pulling the cards out of the brand new -but still sun faded- case. He's never seen cards this new before.

"Dont thank me, Tony's the one who spotted them," Bucky said, giving Peter a knowing grin before grabbing the medicine and heading for the medical wing.

Peter blushed, then turned to Tony -who wasn't there. He scowled and looked around in confusion. He didnt notice him leaving.

Peter quickly puts the cards back in the protective box and drops them into his cargo shorts pocket before running out of the room.

After raids, Tony usually likes to spend time with his old tech -projects he'll never be able to complete, in a workshop he'll probably never get rid of.

He finds Tony at one of the work benches, fiddling with something Peter -to this day- can't figure out what it is.

"Hey," Peter said, walking over to him and sitting down on the stool at the end of the bench. Tony glances up and gives a small smile.

"Thanks for the cards," Peter continued, picking at his nails and looking down at his lap. "Bucky said you got them for me."

"You're welcome, kid," Tony hummed, eyes focused on a project he'll never finish. Peter thinks it makes Tony feel better. Makes him feel like he's back to before the virus, when he was making things all the time and helping people.

All he's got now are old robots that break down more often than they run, and dust over most of the place he used to call home.

All Tony has is JARVIS and the others, but Peter sometimes gets the feeling that that sometimes isn't enough for Tony.

The two sit in silence for a while, Tony hard at work, and Peter deep in thought.

"Hey Tony?"

Tony hums.

"Whats it like dating?" Peter says it fast, worried he'll lose his nerve and chicken out. Tony stops his fiddling and looks over, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you asking for dating advice?" Tony asked. Peter can't meat his eyes when he nods and Tony sets his tools down. "Who's the lucky person you're crushing on? Anyone I know?"

"You know everyone I do, Tony," Peter huffs. Tony crosses his arms and smirks, amused. Peter hunches his shoulders.

"Who is it?" Tony asks.

Peter takes a deep breath. He's gotta just come right out and say it. If he doesn't, he'll never do it and then it'll be too late.

"You," he breathes. Its quiet. Peter's hands sweat. This was a bad idea.

"Pete," Tony sighs. Peter manages to look up. Tony looks pained, regretful. Its not the look Peter wanted to see. "I'm too old for you."

"So?" Peter finds himself asking.

"So, you should be dating people your own age."

"Do you know of any other seventeen year olds running around?" Peter asked, waving his hand around dejectedly.

"There's always a chance-"

"Please don't," Peter interrupts. "Please? Its been twelve years. No ones come looking for us, you haven't found anyone during your raids. Its just us."

Tony opens his mouth to speak, but Peter's on a roll now, and he can't stop even if he wanted to.

"And don't say to wait. I've been waiting. For all we know we're the last people on earth not a zombie, and I want- I want to have my first kiss before I'm forty."

"Peter-"

"I want to experience things," Peter continues, steamrolling over Tony. "I want to go outside, and I want to have a boyfriend and I want to have sex-"

"Kid-"

"Please, Tony," Peter said. "I like you, and- and I don't want to experience this with anyone else in the tower, and I don't want to wait for the point one percent chance of someone my age coming along."

"Listen, kid," Tony sighs.

"I'm not a kid anymore, Tony," Peter said, sounding desperate. He looks at Tony with wide eyes, begging for the older man to understand.

Tony -hell, everyone in the tower- had a life before the virus. They got to experience the world. Peter hadnt.

Its all he wanted. He wanted a normal life. A life he was robbed of. He's desperate for it.

Tony doesn't say anything. He looks at Peter, calculating. Peter sees his shoulders begin to slump, and finally he breaks. Peter feels a little giddy at the thought of getting his way, though he remains put.

"No," Tony said on a sigh. "I suppose you're not."

Peter doesn't know whatto say after that. He's made his case, there's nothing more to say.

"Its hard," Tony said after a while. "I still think of you as a kid. I still think you're ten."

Peter chews on his lower lip, head dipped down and shoulders hunched in on themselves.

"So you don't like me back?" He managed to ask, even as his tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth.

"Kid-" he sighs. "Peter."

Tony settles a hand on Peter's shoulder, and Peter looks up at him.

"I like you," he says. Peter feels himself beginning to smile and quickly clamps that down, biting his lip. "God knows this situation isn't ideal. This would've been bordering on illegal, before."

"If you're uncomfortable, I understand," Peter said. Tony shakes his head.

"Thats not what I'm saying, Pete."

Peter didn't know what he was saying then.

"If we're going to try this out, there's gotta be rules," Tony continued. Peter looked back up at him.

"First rule is there's no hiding it. If we're gonna date, everyone knows about it or its not happening."

"Okay," Peter nodded.

"And we're taking this slow," Tony adds. "Like, cold honey slow, got it?"

"Got it," Peter nodded. His smile is getting too wide to hide. Tony's hand squeezes his shoulder.

"Good."

He removes his hand from Peter's shoulder. He gives Peter a small smile back.

"Could- is kissing going too fast?" Peter asks. Tony's smile grows a little, and he shakes his head.

"No, its not too fast."

The older man leans forward and Peter eagerly closes the distance between them.

The kiss is close lipped, and their noses press against each other, but its perfect.

[stanharu]

beastars episode 22 thoughts!

lots of exciting events in this week's ep!! i mention some spoilers for the finale so tread with caution.

overall, i really enjoyed this week's ep. it covered chapters 83, 84, 85, 87, 89, and a small part of 93. i feel like from that knowledge alone you can tell that the pace is really picking up near the end of this arc, which ppl have been kinda predicting since the beginning eps had a lotta new stuff added. there's 11 chapters left of this arc to be animated and only 2 episodes left to cover them, so like most everyone else im pretty worried about how the finale will be paced, but im still trying to be optimistic about it.

anyway, onto the episode itself. i like the way the anime is doing riz's scenes. being able to hear how he justifies devouring tem voiced really drives how fucked up his whole sitation is i think.

now, i feel like i cant really keep talking about my thoughts on this ep until i mention my biggest issue with it. similar to louis & legosi's meetup in the BAM, the moth scene, which is when legosi's fur grows back, was also pushed back much further in the anime than it happened in the manga. a lot of the scenes in this episode (legosi's talk with haru & his initial fight with riz) happen after the moth scene, and legosi is supposed to have his fur back in them, but since it was pushed back in the anime, he's still bald. im kinda disappointed by that. give legosi his wig back already!! lol

anyway, im always happy to see haru. so i really enjoyed legosi and her lil talk. (wish legosi wasnt still bald tho but i've already talked about this lol) they both care so much about louis it makes me 🥺 ot3 REAL!!!!

i really liked this part with their hands, and the way legosi dusted the stairs off with his tail for haru to sit was so cute 🥺

next... pina and riz!! i am a lil sad we the anime didn't give us this visual of riz sneaking up on pina but i also enjoyed the way the anime did it instead!!

"he's just standing there...menacingly." lol

also!!! pina finally delivers one of his most famous lines!!!

i really loved this part, and yuki kaji's performance was phenomenal. pina's expressions were also amazingg

i only wish that we got to linger a bit more on the shot of pina after he gave his big speech.

this next part makes me want to lose it if i think about it took long ajdflksjdlfjs.

idk why the anime decided to take this bit between free and ibuki out from the tunnel scene and put it before then. i feel like it's like telling the viewers upfront "Ibuki Is Going To Die" (tho maybe the ED already kinda implies that too sdjflskjdf). tho idk maybe since ive read the manga already my view is a bit skewed. but yeah, i dont really like this reveal got moved. i like that there arent many hints to the tunnel scene until after it happens and then it gets revealed that ibuki had known for a while that his death was imminent, i think it hits harder that way.

now for part 1 of legosi and riz's big fight. ive been so excited to see this animated and it did not disappoint. again, i wish legosi wasnt still bald lmao but otherwise i was hyped the whole time watching this. legosi has his face scars at last!!

tho i will say that this part being 2d animated while the series is generally 3d animated took me out of the moment for a bit sjdlksjdf

but having riz's silhouette appear through the blood was super cool

also riz looked so deranged during this whole fight i kinda loved it lol.

tiddy grab

lastly i wanna say im kind of obsessed with this shot. legosi covered on blood, riz being reflected in the mirror, legosis foot in his mouth lol.

based on the very end scene of this ep and the preview for next week's ep, it looks like it'll open with the moth scene, which im really excited to see. one thing i noticed tho is that it seems like in the anime it was gouhin's idea for legosi to eat live insects, while in the manga it seemed to be legosi's idea. idk how i feel about a change like that. it might not be a big deal or it might be significant but i can't find the right words as to why. im not really sure but its just a lil weird to me.

theres just 2 episodes left, im super excited!!!!!!

[madmadmilk]

lol im good! i just to need to type out and post some of my holiday-stress 😔✌️🌟✨ (sad and annoying rant under the cut, feel free to scroll by >>>>)

I DON'T KNOW WHY.... but the "holiday season" (aka mid-november through january) always drains the hell out of me..... like, i love holiday events, seeing friends and family, sharing food, and just the general cheer despite the colder weather, but a part of me always feels profoundly sad through it.

i think i anticipate how sad and lonely i feel between the dates. or i think about how tired i'll be–AUGH. i know, i know i shouldn't focus on THOSE feelings... but i feel them in my bones no matter what.

so please allow me to get my laments off my chest. i'm privileged and grateful for what i have, but i just have to complain a little....

some factors that contribute to my holiday ~anxiety~ this year:

one my cousin's birthday is always the day before thanksgiving. she's an only child and 'her day' is often overlooked in favor of thanksgiving– i always feel like we never do enough for her.

thanksgiving is usually hosted by my family, but my mom is working so we don't want to host without her. but now NO ONE is hosting– and that makes me really sad

this is still only week 2 of me living in this new apartment with my boyfriend

BUT– i think we're going to end up hosting something casual for 'thanksgiving', since everyone is treating it really casually

it makes me sad that this holiday, that we really just use to eat and hang out and spend time together, is being treated so casually. our moms (ha!) are the ones who coordinate things and work hard to make food and now... it's being hot potatoed? just feels bleak

i dont' wanna make this about gender or gender roles: but i'm one of my only cousins who has their own place (still brand fucking new), i have an older daughter complex, i'm put-together and clean, i know how to cook– i don't want to be 'put in the kitchen' for everyone else's enjoyment. i want this all to be shared–– i'm just worried it won't be.

then, moving past thanksgiving, i'm going christmas tree shopping with my bf's mom's side on friday. they're really nice, i'm just shy.

then, my birthday is next saturday (dec 4th, shoutout!) i always want to celebrate but i never want to plan anything– and i'm out of practice with hosting....

hosting, even though it'll be shared with my boyfriend, makes me feel incredibly drained. it must be the oldest daughter complex in me.... also all my friends are like fighting each other so i don't know what kind of combination of people i'll invite. or if i'll do my own fucking thing....

THEN, i was planning on doing a family housewarming/bday lowkey thing on that sunday too–– but if i host thanksgiving it almost cancels out. which makes me sad.

and then and then, the family from florida that i skipped out on visiting over thanksgiving, is coming up here for a mid-december trip. i think they'll end up staying at my apartment instead of my parents' house.

sigh

i know i am incredibly loved and supported and everyone wants to spend time with me, but i feel like i never get to breathe in december. ... in a good way, but also a way that makes me feel crushed and shaken in a bottle.

spider-man comes out in the middle of their time here, and i'm sorry but i'm not missing that premiere lol.

THEN, christmas gift exchange with my boyfriend's dad's side one of the weekends. i need to prepare my secret santa gift.

my family usually celebrates christmas, on christmas eve– but i think for the first time ever, i'll celebrate it with my boyfriend's dad's family. i'm incredibly sad about this.

christmas day, i'll spend with my parents and sibling, but my boyfriend will go see his mom. that's fine with me. i need to prepare their gifts though...

after that... i feel like we're on an easy slope to new years, which i don't put a lot of weight on.

AND while this is all happening–– i have a huge ass project at work that i'll likely be juggling through the weekend cos it's that big of a problem.

yeah, yeah i know these don't sound like that big of a deal... but i can already feel how loud it'll be. i'll be happy and have fun, but i'll feel alone when it comes to preparing and cleaning up because i'm a perfectionist. i don't like it when there's a lot of people in my personal personal space, i have issues with sharing or people touching my things–– i dunno.

just needed to get this off of my chest and truck through the season. it'll all be good.i know it will be.

i think i just need a hug right now

anyway, i hope no one actually read through my whining LOL. but if you do, i hope you have an incredibly warm and peaceful winter. i hope you get to spend some time with people who love and support you wholeheartedly, and i hope that you don't take on any burdens alone.

be warm and well!

lots of love,

j

[kazuhasluv]

Tsukasa-Kun

I may or may not have posted this in the past, but just in case, I'm posting it again

Disclaimer! I wrote this before I read the manga about Yashiro's lifespan! So please don't be mad!

(I'm still on break, I just feel sad without leaving a story to y'all

pairing: Tsukasa x Reader

Warning/s: None

Taglist: @trish-chan @imchiiii @wisteliazen @daikonsenpai @bloodredruby @dacr-owo @oikawasnonexistentcake @quackeydoodles

Role: Your role is a new student at Kamome Gakuen Academy, to befriend and find out what mysteries lurk in these walls.

Special Abilities: Like Yashiro Nene, you aren't an exorcist but you can see supernaturals and apparitions.

You walk up to the school, meeting a girl with daikon legs which are pretty cute in your opinion.

"Hello! You must be [Name]! Im Yashiro Nene! Nice to meet you!", the girl greeted.

"Nice to meet you as well Yashiro-San!", you said as walking inside with her.

~ ♤

After a long day of classes, Nene invites you to stay with her since she wants to show you something.

You two go up to the rooftop to see Hanako-Kun, sitting there waiting for you two.

"Hanako-Kun!!", she exclaimed.

"Yashiro!", the boy started, then looks at you, "Who is she?"

"She's [Name]-Chan! A new student!", Yashiro explained.

Hanako floats to you to examine you further, to see no intentions of hurting them, especially Yashiro.

You 3 decide to sit down and talk about something, until a black fog appeared.

It was Hanako-Kun's brother.

As he went closer to you 3, you stepped infront of them to protect them.

Then, Tsukasa stops infront of you.

You get scared, wondering what could possibly happen?

Tsukasa touches your hair, then your cheeks, then your skirt until you slap his hand.

"Haven't you heard of being a gentleman?", you exclaimed, while Yashiro and Hanako are behind you confused.

Tsukasa smiles at you and disappears.

"[Name]-Chan are you okay?", Yashiro would ask.

"Yeah, I'm fine", you say.

You walked down the stairs of the rooftop to see a broadcasting room. It looked neat, so you decided to go inside, until...

"She's the girl I've been telling you!," a boy exclaimed.

Ah sh*t

Tsukasa and his group were there.

All of them would look at you.

"Kon'nichiwa?", you say; scared.

Sakura stands up and walks to you, "So you must be [Name]. I'm Nanamine Sakura, nice to meet you."

They all seem nice, you thought.

Mitsuba then exclaims, "I'm cuter than her though!"

Natsuhiko then laughs.

You couldn't do anything else but laugh aswell.

"Come in," Sakura says.

You walk in to see a simple but awesome broadcasting room.

There were no other seats except... for next to Tsukasa.

You sit beside Tsukasa and look the other way to not create eye contact.

"Hello! Im Tsukasa! Amane's younger brother!", he exclaims.

You still wouldn't look at him because you were embarrassed.

"Oi, Tsukasa, leave the girl alone", Natsuhiko says.

Tsukasa would look at Natsuhiko, "But she's pretty!"

You heard this and decided to shout, "Nanida yo?!"

Tsukasa would then smile and say, "You looked~"

You got out of your seat and walked to the door. "Gomenasai, but I have to leave," you said and ran away, flustered.

While running, you bump into Kou Minamoto.

"GAH! G-Gomenasai!", you said.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," Kou said helping you up.

"K-Kou M-Minamoto?!," you exclaimed, shocked.

"Mhm! And you must be Senpai's new friend!", he says, but Senpai was referring to Yashiro.

You nod in embarrassment and walked past him, head down.

You were about to go to the school's front doors, until you saw a classroom all dark, even though it was only 5pm.

You hesitated to go in until it pulled you in.

You screamed and shouted for help, but no help came, until...

The room suddenly got darker, until you realize it was black fog.

"Ts-Tsukasa-Kun?", you say.

You open your eyes to see yourself in Tsukasa's arms.

Tsukasa then placed you down gently on a safe place then fought the darkness or whatever the heck was that.

The room then got its light back, and Tsukasa rushed over to you.

"[Name]-Chan, are you okay!?", he asks. He asks a lot more safety questions and then hugs you.

"N-Nani...?", you stuttered, he didn't hug you in the broadcasting room, and definitely not at the rooftop, so it was quite startling.

"Ts-Tsukasa-Kun?", you said.

"See! I told you Tsukasa cares for her!", Mitsuba says out of the blue.

"Oi Mitsuba!", Kou said while covering his mouth.

Tsukasa then looks at the 3 (Natsuhiko was there) and gives a deadly stare. The 3 then walk away.

You, however, were crying. You were traumatized. It was because an apparition nearly took your life.

"See wasn't that f- [Name]-Chan?", Tsukasa said, noticing you crying.

"What happened?", he asks.

You rub your eyes and say, "I-Its nothing!"

Tsukasa then notices a bruise on your arm.

"YOUR ARM!!", he exclaims.

You look at it and say, "Tsukasa-Kun, it's nothing! It'll be healed in a few weeks or so!"

Tsukasa looked sad, "But I want to heal it!"

You then hesitantly agree.

He then does some ritual which you dont understand.

"Tsukasa-Kun-" you started but then the bruise was gone.

"Harigato!" you said while hugging Tsukasa.

The following days you would stay with Nene, Hanako, Kou and Mitsuba, which then Tsukasa would appear often, because he's the only guy you were waiting for.

One afternoon, Nene asks you, "You've been staying late now often, why is that?"

You smiled and say "I'm waiting for the person I like."

Mitsuba then butts in and says "It's Tsukasa isn't it? HA! I knew it!"

Hanako shocked as ever asks you, "YOU LIKE TSUKASA!?!"

The whole group then starts to annoy you until you suddenly blurt out, "YES" and covered your mouth.

Hanako then faints, Mitsuba happily eats his donut, and Yashiro and Kou create a secret plan with Mitsuba while he's eating his donut.

Tsukasa then appears and back hugs you.

"[Name]-Chan!!", he says.

Mitsuba, Hanako, Yashiro and Kou then exclaim, "[Name]-CHAN LIKES YOU!"

You blush, until your face was as red as a tomato.

"Is that so?" Tsukasa said smiriking.

Oh no, not the smirk, you thought.

"[Name]-Chan is that trueee????!" Tsukasa says.

"Yes, it is. Now stop hugging me, my back hurts," you say, but he wont stop hugging you.

The following days were like that: adventures, Tsukasa sneaking out of the broadcasting room to see you, rOoFtOp DaTeS wItH tHe GaNg, more adventures, just adventures mostly.

Until it was the week before summer break.

You walk up to Nene, and say, "Nene-Chan, summer break is next week and we can't just leave Tsukasa, Mitsuba and Hanako there all alone"

Yashiro then says, "Well, we could stay there for the whole summer. I mean, we could like clean the school and then visit them after."

A great idea indeed Yashiro.

The summer was fun, until Nene was asked to be Hanako's girlfriend (im literally crying hElP-)

You then got less time to hang out with them since they did cute boyfriend and girlfriend things most of the time.

You got lonely, well not unless Mitsuba teases you to Tsukasa then you got someone to chase.

Until a week before summer break ended, Tsukasa asked you out like what Hanako did to Nene.

You reported the news asap to Hanako, Nene and Mitsuba (And Kou aswell lmfao) and they said Tsukasa was all planning it ever since Hanako asked Nene out.

Viola! You got your rat *cOfF* ghost boy, but you grew up still in love with him, even though he's out of reach.

No I'm not going to sleep what are you talking about

[istgimamess]

Label: JYP entertainment

Stage name: Song Ha Rin [Ha means great or talented, Rin means unicorn; so yeah, I picked this name for you because you're a great, talented unicorn and you should be protected at all cost, duhh]

Debut year: 2016 (3 years active)

Debut concept: electric pop, upbeat, cute and girly, sassy girl power, dance and vocal heavy

Number of members: 5

Group name: HolyElectric

Fandom name: Sparks

Position: main dancer, vocal line, the mom of the group [because you're super protective, patient and caring]

Male bestie: Choi Minho (SHINee)

How you meet: he's your protector but also your tormentor, if you're being honest! Your first meeting was a bit of a shit show, one minute you're practicing some basic dance moves for a live broadcast and the next you're hanging off the side of the stage in a mess of limbs and covered in water. His necklace tangled in your hair, your heel caught in his belt loop; the both of you soaked beyond repair, an empty water pitcher laying hazardously at the bottom of the stairs. "Umm, you think you can tell your pants to let go of my shoe!?" "Yeah, as soon as your hair releases my necklace.." He pushes at your forehead, palm covering your face completely, nothing happens. You knee at his torso and hip, nothing happens; you both try again. "Ouch! Watch yourself, King Kong! I cant breath!" "Okay, let's not panic! It'll just leave me pantsless and you bald!" After that it was like you were inseparable, quickly becoming friends through the shared experience of that tragic, embarrassing event. Turns out you have a lot in common, personality wise! You're both really sarcastic and just plain goofy; (you have this game, always competing to see who can make the funniest, goofiest faces) so, obviously, you make eachother laugh alot but you're also very protective over one another. "Hey, Minho! HolyElectric's Harin is your best friend, right?" "Yeah, she is! Why?" "Shall we send her a little video!? Quickly do something to make her laugh!" "Harin, I miss you!...(^ gif ^)..."

Female bestie: Tiffany Young (SNSD)

How you meet: you take singing very serious! You're always working on your vocals, trying out new techniques, experimenting with your range; you're very hardworking and your dedication to getting better is something everyone seems to notice about you, right off the bat. So you're always down for vocal classes and one on one's with your vocal coach, always excited to learn something new! And that's how you meet Tiffany, through a friend of a friend of a friend of your vocal coach! You were doing your warm ups, waiting on your teacher to arrive when Tiffany stuck her head in the room to compliment you on your vibrato! You tend to come off as a bit rude, because of how shy you are, so at first it didn't really go well! "Wow, you sound so good! Those runs were amazing!" "Umm, I know..no, I-..I mean, it's not like I think I'm super good or anything..I-..sorry." She ended up laughing your response off and joining you in the room! You quickly became really good friends, constantly listening to music and practicing together; going out for lunch and meeting up on the weekends for some quality shopping time! "Who would you say your best friend is?!" "Oh, she is also a singer! Her name is Harin and she's in the girl group HolyElectric! We hang out together probably every week!" "Oh really!? What are your favorite things to do together!?" "We are both shopoholics, so we're constantly shopping! And afterwards I always drag her out for ice cream because..(^gif^).." Your friendship is so cute!

Group bestie: NCT

How you meet: this is probably the most unconventional way you've ever made a group of friends but it worked, whether you wanted it to or not. There are probably a hand full of things that you absolutely hate in life: people who lie, crabs and bugs are just a few! When faced with any of these, more specifically crabs and/or bugs, you tend to run the opposite way, screaming at the top of your lungs, arms flailing! It's your natural reaction! So when you find yourself being used as a human shield between a grown ass man-child and bugzilla, you're forced to square up and save the man child! "OH MY GOD SAVE ME IT'S GOING TO EAT ME AHHHH EOMMA!!" You're being pulled close, your body picked up and thrown around by the trembling boy! You feel like you might actually vomit but also, oddly enough, you feel really protective; the mom in you suddenly coming out: throwing your fists up in a fighting manner, kicking your feet and swatting the sky in defense. "NOT TODAY, SATAN!!" Eventually the bug gives up on it's hostile takeover, there are about 3 seconds worth of calm and suddenly you're surrounded. "Taeyong! What happened!?" "Yeah, we heard screaming!" "I was attacked!! I thought I was going to die!" "What!? What happened!? Attacked by who!? Are you o-" "Yeah, sorry to interrupt, but are we going to actually sit here and pretend like we don't see the girl Taeyong-hyung is holding up off of the ground like a teddy bear?! We just ignoring that!?" "Haechan, dont be rude!" "How am I being rude!?" "You're always-" "Sorry, can you put me down, my legs are going numb.." And it was all down hill from there! They wouldn't leave you alone, following you around like a group of sassy, over-dramatic puppies! But you don't really mind! They're your biggest supporters, always streaming your music and cheering you on during award season! They also send you little video messages to congratulate you on your wins! "...(^gif^)..." "Wait, are you recording?!" "Yeah, Harin is about to perform so we need to send the message fast!" "But not everybody's here yet!" "Well, tell them to hurry!" They're truly adorable!

Boyfriend: Shin Hoseok/Wonho (Monsta X)

Ship name(s): Ha-Ho, Wonha, Ho-Rin

How you meet: you love, love, love traveling and you get the opportunity to travel a lot, with your job; but that's really not enough to satisfy you! So, whenever you have a day off, you like to travel! Nowhere too far, since you only really have the one day, usually to Japan, or China, any place near by! That's where you meet Wonho, in the airport; one second you're grabbing your baggage, minding your own business and the next you're face-full of chest! "Oooff, I'm so sorry-" "It's okay! It's not everyday cute girls use their face to assault my chest!" He's very sure of himself, very honest and openly flirty and it doesn't take long before his assertiveness pulls you out of your shy shell! You spend the day together, grab some coffee and then hit up the local ramen shop! It doesn't take long for you to become official: redcheeks and sweaty palms, shy confessions underneath the bus station hanger. He's the best boyfriend you could ask for, he's practically whipped! And his group members never let him live it down! "Hey, Wonho! Harin stayed the night last night, didnt she!? But you guys were soooo quiet, in your room! What were you doing!? Quickly, tell the camera!" "...(^gif^)..." They make him suffer, you find it hilarious!

Your biggest fan: Kim Yeri (Red Velvet) is probably your biggest fan! She is constantly making dance covers to your songs, streaming your music and watching your v-lives! "I'm a huge fan of HolyElectric! My favorite is Harin! She's such a good dancer and her vocals are always on point!" She's very vocal about how much she loves you and your music; so much, that even her fans are trying to make it so that she has the opportunity to meet you! "Yeri-unnie! Harin-unnie is your girl crush, right!?" " Yes~...(^gif^)..." "Hopefully you can meet her soon!" It's ridiculously cute!

Scandle: you're a dancer, that's what you truly want to be known as! You've been dancing since you could stand up straight and you've been like a spunge ever since; always trying to gain as much knowledge over the art, as you can! You take extra classes, make covers, mimic other great dancers, you're constantly in the practice room! So, yeah, you dance more than you breathe, this is not a secret! You've also known EXO's Kim Jongin for years, again, not a secret! He was one of the only idols to really reach out and interact with you in your trainee days; always offering to answer any "idol" questions you may have, offering to practice with you, teaching you new dance moves, critiquing your performances before every evaluation! He quickly ended up becoming your greatest teacher, an even greater friend, almost like a brother! So it's no shocker you're photographed together, a lot: Jongin entering your apartment building, Jongin picking you up and taking you out for dinner, you entering Jongin's apartment building etc. What is a bit shocking? The headlines that come with those photos, when Dispatch drops them. 'Neitizens get a HolyElectric shock when EXO's Kai takes new girl friend!' and 'HolyElectric's Harin sparks new dating rumors! Could EXO's Kim Jongin be the one?!' It was a bit confusing! "What the?! 'Could EXO's Kim Jongin be the one?!' What Disney movie is this!?" "The good kind, one with a great soundtrack and a beautiful dance number! You should feel lucky!" "I just threw up a little bit.." It's really cruel how much Jongin's enjoying your discomfort!

Other activities: obviously you're a great dancer, singer and all around performer but sometimes you really just want to be challenged! So when you're management team signs you up for a spot in 'The King of Mask Singer' singing competition, you're both super excited and super nervous! It ends up going well and you gain a ton of new friends and even more fans from the experience! "It was so fun! I didnt know singing could be so exhilarating!" "So what?! You want to give up dance and become the next Mariah Carey?! Good choice! Less competition for me~" "Jongin, I will cut you.." What a massive dork!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@bbwonho here is your private idol life ship! I hope you like it~ Let me know what you think! 😌

[tamiddyinyourcity]

6:39pm, more optimistic.

Saturday, January 11th of 2020.

Ah, yeah. Oops. What a mess this was. Ah well, thats all done for i suppose.

Things to look forward to:

It's like meeting a new person. It'll feel weird, since I'm not used to platonic friendships between people who dont wanna bang, but it still is a good experience nonetheless to have a present company to walk the lake with or something every once and awhile.

Could have been worse.

Alright, back to as I said before....

Back then, I just played things by ear. I've noticed most of my successful *anythings* happened through the method of not giving a fuck, going in with no game plan, and just hanging out.

Hell, my relationship with Patrick #1 went well, all since I didn't give *too* heavy of a shit. It's easier, being with someone and expecting them to be short term.

A hot, clearly poly, unattached and aloof guy wants to see me for funsies? Sure, why not. Wants a second date without banging? Sure, new record for me. I stay at his house, meet his family, eat both dinner and breakfast with him the next day? Still expecting him to leave at any time. Not hiding myself in the slightest, and not expecting anything from them.

So I was completely caught off guard at genuine feelings. 😅 I got pretty good at the "stop giving a shit about a man and expect as little as possible from one at all times" schtick, to the point where I was like???? "Where the hell did this shit come from", as if i didnt spend the entire night asleep in his arms, breakfast with his mom, and then another date charming his socks off.

(Damn, now that I think about it, even our breakups never lasted. It'd go from "i think we should stop dating and just be friends" to him kissing me as I cried in a park... such a good kisser. I swear to god, nigga was great at kissing before. Even without lips, HESSSSS GOT ITTTT.)

And well, with Patrick #2, I did that, to an extent.

It was like..... Once I thought, "Just have him as an FWB", it went well!

A little TOO well.

I was good to an extent. Till it eventually became, "why wasnt he this chill when we were actually dating?", and then my chillness just became.... cold shouldery, maybe. Or, overly warm. It's noticeable when your FWB asks to kiss way too much, or cuddles much longer than expected...

Anyway.

Then aloofness eventually lead to us talking it out, and deciding to just "play things by ear". I didn't ask him to take me on a date, or anything wild. I saw that as his choice, with him being the confused one. Hearing I liked him made him intrigued, and I just decided.... "I am not gonna waste my energy fretting over if this man likes me or not, nor embarrass myself by insisting anything. His actions will say enough."

And they did. We met up a lot. Things were nice.

....

Theeeen in accordance to the pre-2nd try, we talked. Of course, I was the one to bring up the elephant in the room. And it turned pleasant. Well, other than the bo-- I won't mention that, but it was fine. :/

I don't think I expected much. I recall trying not to blush, or seem like a whore, saying, "If you wanted to keep talking.... did you wanna maybe stop by your house, and chat some more over there for a while longer?"

I was indeed DTF, BUT BITCH, I WAS TRYING TO BE VIGILANT AND WOULDVE TAKEN THE SPARE BEDROOM IN A FUCKING HEARTBEAAAAA-

And that night went well. We clicked. And well, obviously we ended up considering giving things another shot. (It was a pleasant surprise, and it felt great ngl....)

But, if anything, like.... i miss the closeness feeling.

Maybe I'm hinting at wishing there was a tinge inside of him going, "Give it a shot, you know you want to", but from what i heard earlier, thats dead as fuck.

And I'm not gonna expect love, or a relationship, to grow from hanging out.

I'll force myself not to.

......

I guess its just a matter of, "playing things by ear."

If I somehow want his company this week, and he's around, then sure.

Cool.

If not a great hangout, then its a sign I don't wish to see him platonically, or that he isnt someone I'd be open to spending much time with.

And....

I dunno. Maybe i do sound like I'm longing for a relationship. But the one I had before? Is dead, and gone.

He's someone entirely different. He's not the same person. If he's been invaded by a fuckboy body snatcher alien, then i best not get probed.

And if with this new person, I enjoy their presence, then its a good sign for a platonic standing friendship.

Hypotheticals:

What if I like him? - I'll fuck someone new ASAP. And, hes hard to like sometimes already, so with him looking and acting entirely different, its understandable.

What if he likes me? - Boo hoo, bitch, snooze you lose.

What if we.... liked eachother... haha... just kidding... unless?... - I'd probably kill myself.

Just kidding for the last response. But, I'd be probably hesitant to go back. Considering how unstable I got for the most recent ending, it would be redundant to see him again for dating purposes, unless he got all his ducks in a row, first off.... His adamant attitude about keeping the relationship eight feet under, and a history of him being either a simp or a dickhead, either constantly treating me like i wasnt worth an effort, and being naive willfully about how to improve.... Yeah, makes a girl not interested.

I see it as, "If he does eventually want to fuck, I'd have to have more offered", since what would I get out of having sex with a guy who doesn't have game, passion, or stroke?

If the answer is "food" or "money", then sure.

You can't really pull a "i didn't see our relationship worth fixing", then cry at the idea of giving me my heartfelt gifted painting of us back.... then still kinda flip me the bird, and then have the nerve to want pussy.

For at least ten million reasons, he fucked himself over. And me, my dude.

I probably wouldnt have turned down sex if he accepted, so thank fuck he said no to the idea of it. I havent been fucked since the last decade, or like, a day or two since he dumped me. One could crack a walnut with one of my kegels alone. I'm at THAT level, bro.

And since he turned it down, its like.... cool, what do you have to offer me?

......

The only way to tell if he is actually a decent presence in my life is through this, honestly. I did wonder before, "If he didn't have a car, would Patrick still be seen as a good boyfriend for me?"

Since then that would mean two buses, rainy days at a bus stop, no cool exclusive areas to hang at that a bus cant reach, and no drive thrus.

(I probably still would have tried dating him, but i would've enjoyed it less.)

And now is the ultimate test.

Can I, Tamia, stand to be around Patrick, with:

No chance of having sex!

No hanging at his house!

No hanging at night!

No rides!

An entirely different persona.

....

Sure, why not. I could always use someone to bullshit with on an idle day, i can handle that.

At the library or around the lake could be fine. Company is company.

And...

Yeah.

Just gonna see it as an, "I'll get there when I get there", sort of incident. If he shows up, and I can successfully hold conversations without spiting him or feeling like I want to fuck, then cool.

Whatever happens, happens, homes.

And i guess i mentioned the past, and how things escalated between us, since those were moments of "absolutely not, we are absolutely not dating or speaking again" had happened.....

Yet oh look, we still had.

Hell, I never expected us to get back together last time. *Ironically another incident of Patrick going, "we are never getting back together".*

But, unexpected things happen.

He had no idea what other boundaries to set between us. Mentioned sex, but he knows sex complicates things. (Hence how we started dating officially; sex addict girl that wants affection + dude whos more than happy to get plowed on a daily basis with too much time on his hands and undiscovered feelings = a relatively nice relationship.)

And yeah.

I just see it as.... who are we to guess what is gona happen?

If we hangout enough and somehow get to a point of "forget how bad the past was, i wanna get my dick wet/walls spread", then POTENTIALLY would be open to that. (But then again, i like my fwbs to do certain things, so boundaries would be set to stop a FWB from seeming uncomfortably close to becoming something significant.... hence, how we had started dating eachother before.)

And if somehow he was open to dating..... I'd probably say fuck no.

That's all.

I'd genuinely have to be REALLY impressed by someone who spited me, to willingly (and sincerely) date them again. With Zack #1, I hated his ass, but whatever, he did enough for me that I kept him around.

But if someone wanted sincere affections, itd have to be given to someone with sincere apologies... and his arent since. He regrets nothing. He'll be depressed every once and awhile, but that doesn't mean he'd bother making efforts over it.

And yeah.

Really hard to be into someone who can openly admit that they failed to see any romantic hope between us. There's no coming back from that. That's like saying you're glad you ran over someone's newborn kitten, then being shocked that oh no, you cant attend the kitty funeral?

Maybe dont kill something when you shouldn't have. :)

Anyways.

Not much else to do bow but stream The Box by Roddy Rich. Peace.