#and it's like im grieving the lost friendship all over again and what might have been

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

I keep listening to different pieces of music that I love and then my brain comes in all helpful with 'this sounds like great music to die with doesn't it'

[studioxlii]

18 and Junhee pls!! Xx

"to be fully seen by somebody, then, be loved anyhow is a human offering that can border on miraculous."

proof read: kinda

warnings: none

note(s): the format might be garbage, im mobile.

Love is a weird thing but so are the conditions that come with it; the limits that people decide need to be in place. You understood boundaries or not wanting to take too many steps before you knew the relationship would hold but some things never sat right with you. It took a few years but it wasn't until you overheard some of your project group talking that it finally hit you; most people you knew didn't want to date their best friends for two reasons.

1. It could ruin their friendship. This reason was obvious and of course you understood.

2. They'd seen way too much.

You remember hearing those words and your head lifting, confused and wondering what that could even mean. When you were in a relationship that would eventually progress, weren't they just going to see those things anyway? You never could let that thought go, not once you decided that would only make it better; it would make a relationship stronger. Well, in your eyes.

Dating was something that seemed to come easier to you before those thoughts started polluting your mind; no one seemed to understand or see you in a way you really wanted. The ideal person for you was someone who saw everything; the bad days, the good days and the maybe okay but not so great days. It was really starting to mess with you. By not wanting to date certain friends, were you restricting yourself from the relationship you really wanted?

Only one person, one friend, knew you better than you knew yourself, you were positive of that. Your best friend of nine years, Junhee, had probably been through almost every bad thing possible in life with you. You began recalling all the situations you'd been in with each other that were memorable; the things you wouldn't have faced with anyone else because you didn't want anyone else to see.

'Do you remember when you got your belly button pierced?'

And that's when it began.

The question came out of nowhere, breaking the silence of your apartment and leaving Junhee to look up from his book confused and blinking. 'Uh.. yes?' His response came out slow, hesitant like he was missing some weird in-between the lines meaning of the question.

Your head tilted, finally looking over at him. 'Do you remember the way you squeezed my hand to the point it was purple because it hurt so bad you nearly passed out?'

His features flushed at the ridiculous memory being forced back into his head. 'You mean the same day you had to cling to me, crying because your first tattoo felt like your leg was being seared off?'

You hated crying in front of people for any reason but you couldn't go alone; you'd never go alone for something like that. You just nodded in response before returning to your own book, continuing to read like you hadn't brought the subject up at all.

Your first date after you began recalling things and getting far too deep in what could only be sentimental thoughts went okay. A friend of your friend's, Sehyoon, who was an art major and knew of you but didn't know you; he'd never really integrated himself into the small friend circle on campus but Byeongkwan spoke highly of him.

He was sweet; a gentleman. Pretty much anything you could really ask for but you noticed little things; minute things that didn't even matter. You felt like you were being unreasonable or judgmental despite only picking out things that didn't match. Didn't match what, exactly?

He wasn't Junhee.

The realization had you suddenly shooting up from your seat, interrupting the poor male's answer to your question about his major and spilling out several apologies as you even fought to put money down for your own food. It took quite a few more 'I'm really sorry's before you were speeding out of the small restaurant; you'd make sure to call him later.

You found yourself in the only place that made sense: banging hard on the door of the RA for your building, hardly caring if you disturbed anyone else.

'What?' was the greeting you received from a very frustrated Donghun, wanting nothing more than to be left alone again. And yes, you called each other your friend.

'We have a really, really big problem.'

Being a mutual friend and despite not wanting to get involved in anyone's "drama", he spent two hours talking you out of it, down from it and against it, reminding you just why your newfound feelings for your best friend were a problem. He even reminded you of your comment, three years ago, about how you could never possibly like Junhee; how he remembered that and you didn't, you didn't care to ask.

You returned home a wreck, tired and wanting to burn your own emotions. Were you really uncovering some unconsciously buried feelings or did you just like the fact that he /saw/ you? He'd seen you nearly on your deathbed sick.

He'd seen you living in a depression nest for two weeks, barely able to get out a bed and eating nothing but honey buns and cereal.

He'd seen you grieve family members and pets; seen you walk into the rain and scream at the top of your lungs because of how lost in despair you'd been.

He'd seen you drunk and stupid; he'd seen you the night after a one night stand and hungover to the point you wanted to fight the sun.

He'd sat by you absolutely throwing your guts up.

He had seen every single side of you and you'd seen the same from him but it only started to stack further and further.

You knew his favorite songs because God forbid he only have one. You knew his favorite color, favorite food and his weird retirement plan that involved a tiny petting zoo of his own that he refused to just call a farm. Your pins for everything were each other's birthdates and he was the only other name on your bank account. Why?

Staring down at the menu you'd seen over a hundred times, you were sure, you couldn't decide on just what sounded good and part of you just wanted everything. Those moments staring at words that started to blur, you noticed Junhee hadn't touched his menu and kept shifting around, visibly uncomfortable for reasons you couldn't possible figure out.

'It's unlike you to not be going off about the food here.. or already having ordered your favorite drink that, I recall, you said you'd die without if you didn't have it every time you came here,' you began, closing the menu and setting it down with narrowed eyes, 'what's going on?'

'It's stupid. Just.. order and get some food, I'll probably just eat later. I'm not really hungry.'

That was a bold faced lie and you knew it, the concern growing. 'And, what's the oh-so-stupid reason, exactly?'

It took him a minute, shifting more and acting like a child who had gotten in trouble. 'I, uh.. I can't really..' he gestured around, lips pursed and growing even more upset by the second, you could tell by the way he was trying to stop himself from frowning. 'Can't really afford it.' You were college students, it wasn't the world's biggest secret if you couldn't afford something.

'Do you really think I'm just going to eat in front of you?' You snorted, avoiding any comment that would further his being upset over the situation, 'Don't worry about it and order, okay?'

Financial struggles were no quiet matter between the two of you and never had been since you started school. Junhee lived off campus in an apartment with two shitty roommates, a terrible part time job and parents that pretty much didn't care if he perished on the side of the street somewhere. You, on the other hand, which you didn't like bringing up, were doing fine but only because your parents dropped something of an 'allowance' into your account for foods and necessities.

You ignored his attempt to argue and told him if he didn't order something, you were going to do it for him; he shut up.

The next day, you took a trip to the bank.

You could feel eyes on you as you splayed across the couch, staring at the ceiling and contemplating life and all of it's annoyances. No question left you but even if you wanted to say something, you were cut off.

'So, are you going to tell me what's going on? For the past.. three weeks? You've been asking me all sorts of weird stuff,' Junhee inquired, frowning thoughtfully, 'Are you testing me or something? Trust me, yes, I remember every single second I've spent with you. I remember every word you've said, the names of every guy you've been with and the ones I'd like to fight. I remember every birthday and gift I've given you and the ones you've given me. Yes, I remember your favorite things and everything so, what's the deal?'

It sounded sentimental at first but then you noticed that all too familiar waiver in his voice and out of the corner of your eye, you noticed his hands fiddling with the chain bracelet that had adorned his wrist for five years; he wanted to cry. A crying Junhee was something no one ever wanted on your hands and you briefly recalled a phone call from a very panicked Byeongkwan because of just that but you were letting your thoughts get off topic.

'I think I'm in love with you.'

'If you don't want to be fri-'

You were both cut off as your head turned to finally look at him, soaking in the unreadable expression on his features when someone busted through the door; 'Look!'

Both of you looked towards your two friends that invited themselves into your door, one holding a new cat and the other looking just as pleased with the announcement but it gradually dropped. 'Shit, did we interrupt something?' Of course, you always knew when you finally and truly confessed to someone that it would be Byeongkwan who ruined the whole thing; you used it as an escape, though, reminding yourself of what the confession could do to your friendship.

'New minion, I see,' you chimed, sitting up and ignoring the question, both of them, as you rose to greet Donghun's new pet. You were ignorant to the looks shared between the three boys and you were happy about that.

Now, you just had to avoid it ever coming up again until it was forgotten.

Junhee, however, didn't want that to happen.

After about an hour of chitchatting and ignoring the gaze of your best friend, you excused yourself under the excuse of having a meetup for a class, despite it being your dorm, and managed to weasel your way out. There was really nowhere to go, no one to talk to and you surely didn't have any plans for the next week; you ended up at the café on campus. It was quiet and filled mostly with a few students doing work and the two members of staff behind the counter, one eventually joining you at the table. He didn't say anything, waited for you to stop your dramatic Disney scene and acknowledge him.

'Would you date me, Yu?'

Taken a bit off guard, he ended up snorting. 'I can't tell if this is a trap or you want the genuine answer,' he replied, crossing his arms atop the table, 'but, on the hand that it's serious.. probably. I mean, I definitely wouldn't turn you down. We've known each other for a few years, hang out on a regular basis.. get along and have a lot of similar interests. So, yeah.'

The answer made your lips draw into a deep frown and you tapped your fingers against the cup, soaking up every word. 'Even though we're friends? What if we broke up?'

A soft 'ah' came from him as he realized what was really going on and he shrugged, thinking it over for a minute or two. 'We're both adults and I don't believe either of us would do something so that the breakup would be something that could ruin our friendship. I understand it would be like.. friends then it being intimate then back to friends, but I think both of us are mature enough to deal with that and not let it bother us too much.' He spoke like he'd been through it several times and in reality, it had only been once, a small fling with a mutual friend but they still seemed pretty okay. 'Is this about Jun?'

'Does everyone know?' You groaned out, releasing the cup to lean back and rub your hands over your face in defeat, 'I.. I told him I think I love him then Kwan and Donghun showed up and I bailed because now I don't actually want to face him or admit to ever actually saying it. I do! I do love him! I don't.. I don't want to lose him, you know?'

You could see the way the latter looked at you, sympathetic and calculating what words wouldn't just stress you out further. 'Look.. I know you don't want to hear it from me or anyone else for that matter because you want to keep saying it'll ruin your friendship when in reality, you don't like the idea that you could hurt each other, I was the same way with Donghun, so I understand.. but, you should really see all this from an outsider's point of view. Junhee looks at you like you hung the moon and you look at him like he painted the stars; yes, it's been like that since I've met you and a reminder, it's been years. I don't know what took you so long to realize it or if you've just avoided it this whole time but anyone would have to be blind not to see it. Now,' he sighed deeply as he finished and straightened, 'I think you should probably go and talk to him about it considering you just confessed then ditched but it's your choice. I don't think you have anything to worry about.. for either of you. You're the most loyal person I know, so I have no doubt you'd ever hurt him in a way that would ruin you guys and he can barely swat at a fly or sit still through hearing thunder, you think he's going to do something? Regardless.. one of these days, soon, you'll have to face it and I really hope you don't go into it with the cliché reason of your friendship being ruined.'

The words sank in slow and you wanted nothing but to cry your eyes out because he was right; he always was and you hated it. It took a while for you to speak and he seemed okay with that, briefly leaving you to fill a couple orders before returning. 'I know you're leaving for break tomorrow.. tell him before then.' Those were his last words before he bid you good luck and a good night, heading back to his own dorm, most likely to call Donghun now that he'd projected just a little bit.

Irrationality was a word that would be in your character description box and the word stupid could very well be right next to it because when you got home, you packed your bag and decided to leave early, not bothering to let any of your friends know. You needed time and you were being selfish, so selfish to the point you thought maybe he'd just hate you when you got back.

Oh boy were you wrong.

Two days into being back home and confiding in your mother who promptly smacked you upside the back of the head, you found yourself sitting on the porch and moping, split between what to do. You suspected the boys were a bit angry with you when you noticed the ample amount of texts, voicemails, social messages and phone calls that had gone ignored; you caught a glimpse of the absolute book Yuchan took the time to send you, leaving you kind of scared to even open it. It didn't take long for the guilt to set in but you chose to wait until you were back on campus to deal with it.

Or at least, that was your plan.

'So, I know you've never been a fan of confrontation but.. you've never been the type to run away.'

The sudden voice startled you as you hadn't even noticed anyone pull up and of course, upon looking up, you were met with the face you were trying to avoid the most. Junhee stood at the end of the sidewalk looking pitiful and shifting his weight in a nervous manner. You didn't bother trying to speak, not knowing what to say but you did wait for the rant, the berating that you deserved; that wasn't who he was though.

He even stayed quiet for a minute or two, making his way closer to sit on the steps, looking up towards your figure. 'Did you mean it?'

You could have answered right away, poured your heart out and let out the tears you'd been holding in since the moment you left. Instead, you stayed quiet and pulled your knees closer to your chest, not trusting your own voice. He didn't relent though, reaching out to lightly nudge your knee.

'That's all I need to know.. did you mean it? If.. if you didn't I can just leave and we don't have to bother with it again.'

'And, if I did..?' Finally finding your voice, you looked over to him, chewing hard on your lower tier, nervous and kind of wanting to throw up.

You could see him thinking it over before a faint smile showed up. 'I'd most likely cry.. but I'm going to cry either way,' he began, shrugging his shoulders while moving up to sit next to you, 'I'd also tell you that I love you, too and I've been trying to tell you that for years now.'

The confession made your heart flutter, your skin burn and the butterflies being kept back burst in delight in your gut. 'Even.. after everything we've been through? Everything you've seen..?'

Junhee nodded. 'Mhm. I'd go through it all again and what do you mean? I've seen nothing but you.'

[midnightsnyx]

Forever After All - Mat Barzal: part 2

summary: three years after a devastating break up, you wake up one morning in an unfamiliar apartment next to the man you thought was the love of your life: Mat Barzal. Is it a dream or a second chance? 

a/n: here is part 2! i have no idea how many parts this will be cause i have many plans and ideas for it. so i kinda want to explain something about the fic so it makes sense. the reader remembers the past, her breakup with Mat and what happened but when she woke up in the first part of this story, she obviously thinks she’s dreaming because Mat is there and she can’t remember what everybody is talking about regarding the previous days. im going to write some flashbacks (there’s one in this part) to give some backstory on what exactly happened. not sure if my explanation makes sense lol but yeah i wanted to try to explain it before you guys read this part!  anyway, i hope you guys like this!

word count: 2.2k warnings: none

forever after all masterpost

Part 2

You’re late for lunch because you spent nearly three hours picking through every inch of the apartment trying to get some answers because seriously, what the hell is going on? Everything you found was foreign and you couldn’t remember anything. Pictures, clothes, jewelry that you figured were from Mat that you had zero recollection of owning were neatly placed in the apartment you and Mat must be sharing.

So you’re not surprised when Hayden gives you her look. It could turn someone to stone but you’ve become immune to it through the years of your friendship. “You’re late.”

You pointedly look around the diner and raise a brow. “So is Jasper.”

She wrinkles her nose and shrugs. “Good point, I suppose.” Then she grins and looks at you expectantly. “So, how was last night?”

“Uh… last night?” You question because of course you have no idea what could’ve happened the previous night. You’re hoping she will fill in some of the blanks without being suspicious.

“Yours and Mat’s anniversary dinner?” She squints her eyes at you and then looks down at your hands that are neatly folded on the table. “And why aren’t you wearing it?”

You feel your entire body go cold and you know without seeing yourself that you look like a deer in headlights. “Wearing what?”

“The ring?” She says slowly and then her face drains of colour. “oh god, you guys didn’t break up did you? You two are like…” she waves her hands wildly. “The couple. This could break-”

You cut her off before she can stress herself out too much even through you’re still trying to process the current information. “We didn’t break up. I just…” you scramble your brain to come up with an excuse. “forgot to put it back on. After my shower.”

How the hell did you miss an engagement ring when you were going through your apartment?

“Okay, so how was last night? I want all the details. You know he’s been planning it for weeks.”

“Planning what?” Another voice says before you can answer. You look to your left to see Jasper sliding in the chair next to Hayden.

“Mat and Y/N’s anniversary dinner.” She explains and he grins.

“Oh, do tell. We need all the details.”

Great. They want all the details from a night you don’t remember.

You take a moment to figure out what to say. You don’t know if Hayden knew any of what Mat’s plans were so you can’t make something up completely.

“It was nice. You know what Mat’s like, he went all out.” You say because thinking back, when the two of you were together he had a tendency to go overboard. You knew it was his way of making up for being gone so often.

Hayden raises an eyebrow. “Awfully skimpy on the specifics.” you think she’s going to pry more but she just shrugs and smiles. “I’m sure it was lovely though.”

“It was.”

Jasper grins. “Good, ‘cause I don’t know if I could beat him in a fight.”

The smile you send back is forced because there’s so much information being thrown at you and you don’t know how to handle it. You just want whatever this is to be over.

Whatever it is, is messing with you and you’re not sure how much more you can take because it’s just reminding you of what you lost all those years ago.

. . .

After lunch you drive aimlessly through some of the neighborhoods on the island in attempt to clear your mind. There are aspects to what you’ve learned from Jasper and Hayden about your relationship with Mat that make sense. The ring caught you off guard but something that you knew after the two of you broke up was that he was planning on proposing.

It was a conversation you and Jasper had while you were grieving over your breakup. Your friends had been the rock you needed and listened when you needed to vent and were the shoulder to cry on. He showed up at your apartment at three in the morning when you’d called him crying with some chocolate and takeout in hand and the two of you had a heart to heart.

“Sam’s not mad I dragged you out of bed three in the morning is he?”

“Nah,” Jasper said. “He gets it.”

“Yeah,” you whispered. You knew the history Jasper had with dating and how understanding Sam was when they got together. He was the first guy who had the patience to deal with Jasper’s baggage and you were so grateful your best friend had found a guy who was deserving of him.

The two of you were quiet for a while, eating in silence and watching whatever movie he had put on.

“Can I tell you something?” He asked quietly and you nodded without looking up.

“He had a ring.”

It was in that moment that it felt like the entire world stopped. It felt like you couldn’t breathe, like you were drowning.

“He kind of asked for my permission? I don’t know. It was weird. I guess because he couldn’t ask a father figure in your life.”

When you felt like you could speak, you asked, “what did you tell him?”

“I told him that if he was going to give you that ring, he’d better be one hundred percent certain because I knew that if he proposed and then the two of you broke up, it was something you wouldn’t be able to get over. I told him not to hurt you.” He looked at you sadly and you’d realized there were thick tears making your cheeks wet. “I’m sorry.”

You just nodded and looked down at your left hand where there may have been a ring if things were different.

But they weren’t and there was no way you could have changed it.

. . .

You pull into the parking lot of yours and Mat’s apartment and slowly make your way in to the building. You didn’t notice his car so it’s probable that he isn’t home yet. You are glad because you want to find that engagement ring Hayden told you about.

You thought you searched everywhere but it was conveniently sitting on the bathroom counter. It’s beautiful and exactly the kind of ring you had always dreamed about which makes sense because this is a dream.

Sliding it on your ring finger, you examine it in the bright bathroom lighting. It somehow feels like it’s meant to be there while simultaneously feeling like it weighs a ton. Standing there for what feels like hours, staring at it, you nearly jump when you hear the front door open and close loudly. Mat calls out your name and you try to collect yourself because you can’t act as weird as you were this morning. You need to act normal until you figure out what exactly is going on.

“Babe?” He calls again and you hear his footsteps approaching the bathroom you’re in.

You ignore the way your voice cracks when you answer. “Yeah?”

He stops in the doorway and the smile he gives you takes your breath away. It’s painful how easy this feels - standing here with him in the apartment.

“How was lunch?” He asks, walking towards you and taking your left hand in his. His thumb runs across the engagement ring and the way he’s looking at you distracts you long enough that he raises an eyebrow, pulling you out of your thoughts.

Clearing your throat, you smile. “It was nice. They asked about last night.” You say, hoping he might give away some details.

“It wasn’t too much was it? I know how you feel about making a big deal over occasions but I couldn’t help myself.”

Helpful. You want to say but he’s looking at you expectantly so you wrap your arms around him and hide your face in his chest to hide the disappointment on your face. “No, it was perfect.”

You feel him press a kiss to the top of your head when he slides his arms around your waist. It’s so familiar, being held in his arms that it makes you want to cry because as much as you tried to move on after your breakup, you missed this. You missed him.

“Still coming to the game tonight?” He mumbles in to your hair and you just nod, knowing your voice will probably give away how close you are to tears. You step back and turn towards the shower.

“I’m gonna take a shower.” You tell him even though you’d showered this morning. You need to distance yourself from him to clear your head.

“Cool. I’m going to make some food, are you hungry or still full from lunch?”

“I can eat.” You say, reaching out to turn the shower on. When you’re satisfied with the temperature, you turn to look at him. Despite the affection you’ve shown him, you’re not ready to undress in front of him even though he’s seen you without clothes a million times when you were dating.

But this is different.

“You okay with some eggs and bacon? I know it’s a little late but that’s what I’m feeling.”

“I think it’s actually ‘cause you don’t know how to cook anything else.” You tease, laughing when he pouts.

“I’m wounded, Y/N.” He says, placing a hand over his heart and you can tell he’s holding back a smile. You walk towards his and give him a small push.

“Go make food.”

“Yes ma’am,” he grins, leaning down to kiss you before leaving the bathroom.You close and lock the door behind him, quickly stripping and hopping in to the shower. Knowing Mat will take quite a bit of time cooking, you let yourself stand under the hot water longer than normal and try to calm your mind.

It works pretty well because you are fairly clear minded when you finally go out to the kitchen. He’s just finishing cooking and you sit at the table while he dishes up the food. He sits across from you and you listen as he rambles on about how practice was and you try not to zone out but you can’t help it.

Sitting here with him with your feet resting on top of his and him insisting on holding one of your hands while you eat makes your heart ache.

Part of you still wants whatever is going on to end so you can go back to your old life but the selfish part of you wants to stay forever because you have Mat back and everything feels so perfect with him and you almost think you can forget about the past and the horrible break up between the two of you. This past day alone feels like one of the best days you’ve had in forever and it’s not even over. You’re almost afraid to go to bed tonight not knowing what you will wake up to.

If this is a dream, it’s going to break your heart to wake up and you don’t know how much more pain your heart can handle.

So for now, you let yourself savor this moment and try to forget everything about the past. You let yourself be excited for the Islanders game you’re going to tonight and you let yourself lay down with Mat after you eat and watch him after he falls asleep for his pregame nap. You stare at his features, running your fingers softly over his face trying to commit everything to memory, scared for if you fall asleep, he’ll be gone when you wake.

[lilslotsofchat]

JUMPER - Four/Billy

i might make this a series. let me know if you like it. this was actaully fun to write. if there is any spelling or sense making problems do let me know. allow the big gaps as well they won’t go. i feel like there needs to be more dialogue in my posts but because i tried to stay close to the original scene in the film there wasn’t much from four.

i hope you enjoyed this

warnings : swearing/ mentions of S*icide/ death/ mentions of bl*od

——————————————————————-

there were seven on the team but eight numbers. one the billionaire an asshole but loveable. two C.I.A Spook french talented. three the hitman confusing but the best of the best. four the sky walker the lover and the thief. five the doctor extremely talented under pressure. six the driver a kid but knows what he’s doing. and finally eight the jumper the lovers other half eight is the teams superhero as six calls her. they were about to do their first mission in florence, italy. the sky walker and the jumper had been tasked to stay in the sky. hidden on rooftops observing what to do and where to go next. one and two went in to get what they needed from the lawyer. five stayed with six in the neon green vehicle. three was waiting with a lorry to do what ever he needed to do when the time came.

four and eight were on the climb to the top of the cathedral. “you need help or no because you’re taking your sweet time” four stated to the woman following him up extending the e on sweet. she flipped him off as she climbed. “just get up there four” eight sarcastically replied to him they made it to the top as the sun started to rise. he helped her over the barrier. then they stood and watched over the city like they had done on many occasions in their relationship. “twos been shot” ones only slightly irritating voice came over the communication system the couple had in their ear. “is she alive” eight asked. four put his hand on top of eights hand it was cold. they had been climbing for many years together and he knew they always were cold after a long climb. “she’s alive” six’s voice echoed over the line. eight let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. four grabbed her hands and brought them into his ones. he pressed his hands to his mouth and breathed into the little pocket he made. slowly warming up her hands. she leaned into his chest after her hands were warm. he wrapped his arms around her body. his fingers rubbing small circles into her spine. they watched the sun rise over the old city. “kids get ready” threes voice interrupted their moment on the top of the cathedral in florence. four let go of his lover and climbed on the railings. “go down to that building babe.” four said she made eye line with the building that four had spotted. she slid down the dome and jumped around the rooftops till she made it to the clock tower that four had directed her to. four saw her rise on the spot he said. she looked up towards him and waved and he waved back. the coms had been quiet from the car for some time and eight was waiting for a call in for her from one. she stood there for ten minutes before moving closer to where the mission started but only a block so it was easier for four to see her to direct her if he needed to.

eight could hear the shouting over the coms system. she looked up at four. he motioned for her to go to them. “one where are you im coming” eight said bouncing across the orange tiles her hoodie getting covered in the dust she was creating. she found an abandoned bike on the side of the road. “by the river. if six wants to hurry up” one replied to his youngest member. she nodded and biked till she saw the river. discarding the bike she jumped on a trash bin and began to scale the side of a building. she pulled out her gun from her backpack. she immediately spotted the glaring green car. “six could you have chosen any other fucking colour of car” her british accent seething at the bright colour that hit the sun in all the wrong angles. “i didn’t have any time eight.” six replied after a moment. the car sped down the road. “couldn’t be any more obvious. four can you see it from there” eight joked as she shot a tire on a moped causing an enemy to fall off. eight had never killed a man in her time of thieving and stealing. one did not believer her but it was true. she had an eye and the mind to see where she wouldn’t kill. four loved this about her. she didn’t want blood on her hands but wanted to help in the most way she could. when one found four he knew about the soon to be eight. four had (luckily in ones case)fallen from a building in ukraine. one had spotted the thieveing couple on his radar as soon as he wanted to build a team. he knew that they were talented and he wanted them both but his rules about loving were going to be hard in their case. he stupidly left the female grieve until she was at the point of ending her own life. he found her on the top of a building where she loved to be but also was about to end what she loved. he saved her life and allowed her to see her lover who she thought was dead. “six really this colour is hurting my fucking eyes.” eight hissed jumping across a block of buildings in seconds. “can you sort us out eight or are you going to complain” one snapped over the coms. eight just laughed and continued to do what she did best. shots were being fired at her but she was able to doge most of them one or two clipped her arms but she did not even realise.

“four where are you” one asked over the coms after some time of eight jumping. “you ask for his help now” eight said. “i’m here” four answered ones question looking to where eight had gone but he had lost her. she was running along the streets acting like a jogger in the morning of florence. she waved at an old lady at a cafe as she spotted the green car. “six can you get the fuck away from busy areas.” she hissed at him. “i am driving as best as i can to get away from these bad guys eight.” six snapped back at his team mate. eight jumped over a bike that had been flung at her. she ran up back alleys to get to the central point that four told her to go to with a bell. she had not a clue what it was called. “i’m where you said four” eight muttered to herself listening to the arguing over the coms. “four where the fuck are you” one snapped again over the line. “where is here” six shouted over his radio. “specificity” one added to six’s comment. eight laughed. “where are you going” four said over the line. eight sat down catching her breath after running for however long she had been. she waited for the green car. she climbed to the top of the bell to see the crew in a courtyard. “final destination shit” she said as she saw the car with poles all in the window. dropping back down as the car came speeding in her direction. “not yet” she said to herself as she watched it pass under her. she waited another ten minutes. “fake em out six. eight on you babe” four said after a moment of time and engines getting louder in her direction. she saw to SUVs come into the bell statue and the green car hid under it. she saw four slide on a skate board. she grabbed a gun and shot out the tires of the car that four had not dealt with. he looked up at her and watched at the green car vanished away again. “come to me kid” three called over the line. four grabbed her as she dropped from the banister on the bell stand. they ran to the lorry and he shielded her his hand on her back running ducked down to three.

they followed the carnage to where the green car was going. four held onto the rope in the back of the lorry and eight gripped onto him as three sped up when he heard the yelling pick up over the radio. “oh shit” six’s voice was filled with worry and a crash was heard. three stopped the lorry and four held onto eight tighter to keep them from falling over. eight immediately opened the door to the lorry and jumped out her gun held up. one two and five were running away from the neon green car that was hidden behind a forklift. “where’s-“ fours statement was cut short by him walking closer to see six impaled in the neck and chest by the teeth of the forklift. eight out her hand to her mouth and tears formed in her eyes. the whole team knew six for two months. he was so talkative and really lifted the crews spirits when they were overthinking this mission. he would never be quiet about his past life racing as he called it. no one really knew what he did or even his name. six was fours buddy and they were together a lot of the time. eight and six formed a friendship which was full of jokes and late nights talking about their past which one disagreed with. six wanted to drive cars for the team and he really enjoyed it when he drove the from the graveyard to the diner he enjoyed it. six took joy out of small things. eight watched blood drip from six’s body. she let a tear slip down her cheek. “fuck” she said walking over to the car. “eight we have to go.” one said. she looked back. and then opened the passenger seat car door. she used her hands to reverse the car and six’s body slumped on top of hers as the tooth cane out of the poor boys neck. she let out a gasp. four grabbed the dead mans shoulders and held them up as eight opened the car door on six’s side. the pair of them grabbed his dead weight body and took it to the lorry they put him in the back and eight pulled off her jumper and placed it over his face. four pulled her in for a hug and just held him as they both looked down at the dead man on the floor of the lorry.

one ushered them all to the boat. four and three carried six’s now stiff body to the old rickety boat that barley moved. they placed him in the clear body bag. “can i get something” eight asked just before the boat was ready to leave. one nodded and let her go. four walked to the back to watch her. she ran over to get a flower from the ones growing next to the water. she chose one quickly and ran back over. four held his hand out and helped her across the plank and then put it on the back of the boat. he let her go before himself and she walked towards the group at the back. the group had changed and five had tended to the gashes on eights arms from the bullets that brushed her sleeves. she thanked the woman before going to change herself. one threw their gear off side of the boat before telling three to pick up the pace on the boat driving. three drove the boat for at least two hours before one said it was time to send six to his watery grave. “this is sad.” eight said to four as they watched the water move slowly. “i know.” four muttered to her his hand on the small of her back. she looked down at the flower she grabbed, realising she grabbed two. “one can i put this in” she said showing just one flower. one nodded and let her tuck the flower into six’s hands. she kissed her fingertips and pressed them to her forehead. one let her zip up the bag. “toast to six” three asked, the crew took a sip of rum before looking back down at the young man in front of them. “we didn’t even know his name” eight said to the group. they all frowned other than one who just looked down that the man they lost dressed in white and covered in red. “yeah what was his name one” three asked their leader. one rose his hand to shake off the question. “doesn’t matter he’s dead now” one said costly but eight seemed to notice the care in his tone. “did he have a family” five asked. two looked around and spoke up. “i think you’re looking at it.” one looked mad. he and eight blocked out the conversation. eight leaned over the side of the boat and watched the body sink to the floor. “rest in peace six” she said as she threw the petals from the flower into the water. she knew that a proper burial couldn’t happen. he was already a gravestone in a graveyard somewhere in america. his family most probably had grieved his death and moved on almost. four held eight closely as the petals soon drifted away from their eyesight. he pressed a kiss to her temple and one scolded them for showing affection but he knew that he allowed for them to meet again in the life of a ghost. he had to understand that they loved each other and they were going to even if they were dead to the world.

[ironspiidey]

Starker Spofity Shuffle

So ive been struggling with severe writers block. After seeing some peeps do the song shuffle mini fic thing on tumblr I thought it might be a good way to curb said writers block. Fingers crossed guys.

Read on A03

Help Pour Out the Rain (Lacey’s Song)// Buddy Jewell (Parent!Peter, Innocent!Morgan )

Peter was just on his way back to the house after his and Morgan’s weekly ice cream date after much of both Pepper and Tony saying that he was her parent as Pep and Tony are and that she needed alone time with her Papa as much as her Mommy and Daddy. When Morgan piped up from the backseat

“Papa!”

“Yes peanut?”

“Will we ever visit Auntie Nat?”

Peter glanced back at her through the rear-view mirror “I wish we could but Nat is in heaven with the angels.”

“Can we go there? Like to visit or would we have to stay forever. Could god use another angel to poor out the rain?” Morgan kept questioning her papa while she kept looking out the window

“Sorry baby we can’t go visit or stay until its our time to do so sweetie.”

“Oh okay.” Morgan shrugs her shoulders, the 6-year-old was silent for a moment before asking about something else. Not noticed how her Papa’s eyes were misty.

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With it// Always Never (Teenage!Starker, Hidden Relationship!)

Peter doesn’t get it, one-minute Tony and he are on the same page than all of a sudden he’s ghosted hard.

Tony tells his buddies that him and Peter have a weird friendship. Which honestly is true. After the disaster that was Quentin Beck, Peter stopped putting his heart on his sleeve. He thought things would be kinda okay with him and Tony until Tony started hiding them like what the fuck is that. Especially since he was with guys openly it wasn’t a coming out thing. Maybe Tony is just scared because of how Peter told him to enjoy the ride and let it play out and not to worry about love.

Only reason Peter even said that was because he was A. Stoned as hell, B. Just getting over his ex and C. Knowing how much of a player Tony Stark was and didn’t want to lose this good vibe of a friendship thing they had. But now? Now Peter knows he’s in love with him and maybe next time they get high he’ll mention it. Tony is always 100% honest while high.

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Hymn For The Missing// Red ( Character Death, Grieving!Tony, Adult!Peter, )

Tony finds himself back on the rooftop of the tower once again still heartbroken 2 years later. He fucking lost Peter. Tony never forgave himself for it, staring at the sky he wonders what happens to those that were dusted. Are they alive but in an alternate universe? Or are they truly dead? Strange doesn’t say much about what could be and frankly Tony doesn’t really want to know. The thought of sweet Peter, his Babyboy truly dead forever or stuck in the galaxy drifting would be too much to bear. It’s bad enough as it is with the knowledge that he couldn’t save him in the first place. Tony takes a deep breath and downs the scotch in his hand. It helps numb helps the pain. But only a little.

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Difficult Love// City and Colour (Minor Cheating mentioned, Drug use Mentioned Tony fucked up a lot but Peter loves him)

Tony knows its not been easy for Peter to stick by him. All these years from his college days and the fights, the drugs, the ‘cheating’. Peter refuses to call what Tony did cheating, says they were on a break so he cant call it cheating, But Tony well he knows it was a dick move because they were only on a break because Peter felt Tony needed to deal with some of his issues on his own without having to worry about Peter too.

All that happened during that break was Tony getting high out of his tree on things much harsher than weed, sleeping with randos and 2 overdoses. One that nearly killed him.

At the same time, he knows he needed to go through all that to be the Tony Stark he is today. Maybe without the overdoses but he’s still breathing and that’s what counts, or that’s at least what Peter keeps drilling into his thick brain.

God Tony is so grateful Peter stuck by him through his difficult love all these years.

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Worst in Me// Julia Michaels (Jealous!Peter, they have issues, but Tony knows they can work through it)

Peter sighs out on the balcony of their home. THEIR home. Peter takes a deep breath. Tonight’s fight was bad real bad. Peter let his emotions get in the way, the bad ones. The ones where he can’t help but be jealous of the woman that try to hang of Tony, his husband. They worked through so much shit. From abusive exs and past traumas together to have something so stupid get in the way. Peter shakes his head. Why does the worst in him have to come out and ruin things? Things used to be so great with him and Tony. But of course, Tony pushes and Peter pushes back and then they end up like this. Peter swallows and heads back inside, headed for the lab where he knows his better half is bound to be.

Peter tries the door, but it won’t him which means Tony is very mad and Peter definitely crossed the invisible line of don’t go here.

“Friday? Can you open this door?”

“Sorry Peter, Boss said no visitors, especially Spiderhusband.”

Peter lets out a sad chuckle at the little nickname.  “Can you patch my voice through to the lab.”

“Of course.”

“Tony..”

“Peter please go away.”

“Just hear me out, I promise if you don’t want to hear from me. Ill go stay with May or Bucky or something. Just please” Peter swallows, his voice starting to break. “Just let me say my piece first.”

Tony doesn’t look up from his hologram, just motions with his hand for him to continue.

“Its like I’ve got this chain reaction to act like a total dick. That the worst in me just must make an appearance when things are just getting good. I bring out all your monsters and I’m so sorry Tony. I’m not perfect but I cant lose you.. We used to be so happy and I know we could fix these kinks and the bad parts may not want to fix this, us. But the best in me wants to love you until the end of every forever.”

By the end of Peter’s spiel, both of them are crying. Tony walks over to the door and unlocks it. Opening his arms “C’mere Petey Pie. We are never above fixing. I get bitter.” Tony wraps his arms tightly around his husband as he ran into his arms “But I didn’t exactly stop people from mauling over me and I’ll do my very best to not hurt you again baby, We can do this.”

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Until the Day I Die// Story Of The Year (Hurt!Tony, Peter professes his love )

“God Tony this is so scary.” Peter swallows looking at his boyfriend and mentor laying in this hospital bed . “I need you to be okay. I know we haven’t been together long and this is definitely NOT the way to profess my love to you but the Doctors say your brain activity is fine and your just not waking up. So here goes.”

Peter glances at the door to make sure nobody was within listening distance. “Tony I feel like I loved you my whole life and not in the hero obsession everyone thinks. You’ve become my best friend, rock and partner all in one and while we only started becoming a thing. I love you with all of me until the day I die. If you don’t wake up and pull through this, if you.” Peter swallows “If you die, you’ll be taking me with you because without you Im nothing. Please Baby come back to me.”

[thedexielkay]

Things to be Grateful For

Waking up early on a Sunday, I felt the cold breeze of morning air caressing my face.

This is the kind of mornings I want to wake up to everyday. You see, Im not really a morning person but this setting right here— the stars twinkling faintly above as the darkness slowly transcends to light, the birds chirping, everything around me, makes me fall in love with Life even more.

It’s when I drink my hot coffee and enjoy my cinnamon bun when I start to appreciate how blessed I am. That in the midst of this pandemic, my family are still able to eat three times a day. To say our gratitude to the Almighty for the providence and for giving us food and constant blessings. We are lucky not just to eat three meals a day but we are lucky to satisfy the unnecessary cravings that some of the people are stripped off. The bitter taste of coffee hit me– our privilege enables us to have this kind of life, while the masses our struggling in their hard earned labor, thriving to make ends meet so they can eat.

Life was never easy few months back. I lost my Mother and I wanted to be mad at myself for not trying to go home as soon as possible. I wanted to cry over spilled milk and the what could have beens. But I guess the denial stage has been gone now and I started forgiving myself and accepting everything.

Despite its harsh challenges, I can’t help fall in love with Life once again.

I appreciate my friends and barkada for cheering me up on my darkest days and for being my support system in every endeavors that I do. I might have been judged for keeping a bunch of people in my life but never did I regret to be part of multiple barkadas from elementary, high school and college. These people are all equal and have a special place in my heart.

I appreciate new found friendships or those rekindled friendships. There’s nothing more heart-warming than to connect to your old peers.

I appreciate the gift of family. For continuously inspiring me to be strong. People applaud me for keeping things together but I shall applaud my brother and father for being my anchor. We grieve because we loss Mamay but we continue to move forward. I appreciate everything from the silly banters at home, Papay’s playlists of Queen, Beatles and Air Supply. Mamay is proud of what we have become. 

I appreciate my boyfriend. For being consistent, for being forgiving and loving. For making me laugh even if Im not in the mood to, for listening to some minor inconveniences and for always being here. I never thought I would ever feel so blessed and loved by someone before. I guess he is really worth the wait.

I appreciate my work. For looking after our health and prioritizing our safety. I am really proud to be part of this Famealy. I am blessed and filled with gratitude to work at home provided with every means of communication to work, with no change of salary, benefits, etc. My privilege makes me mourn to the 50% more Filipinos who lost their livelihood this pandemic.

I appreciate cozy Sunday afternoons. When I woke up dripping with sweat because it is hot, I am humbled to realize that atleast I have a shelter, a place called home. That I dont struggle in the streets working on a Sunday instead I get to sleep and read a book.

Honestly, my thoughts are on a dilemma. I wanted to appreciate life like the previous paragraphs has been telling you but somehow I mourn for others because life’s taking a toll on them and I don’t want to romanticize their struggle and call it resiliency. Yes I am privileged but I want to empathize on the people at the margins, those that can’t speak, can’t complain or those that are stripped off with their own voices.

I wanted to appreciate life but life reminded me that what makes the world fair is itself being unfair.

[kingofthewilderwest]

it kinda bugs me how they cant make httyd3 longer just so they can emphasize the story in a deeper meaning, like your post abt it being disproportionate. httyd3 had a LOT more plot than httyd2 and we can already see how it has to cramp so much and why that makes D2's pace felt pretty fast. the structure of the story is actually well planned.. perfect, to be exact! but the execution like putting pauses, necessary humor, longer dialogue, is whats needed to make it um, understandable? im not sure..

this isnt meant to judge the movie as bad though! but its a question ive been asking why they cant do it longer, for that sake. is it the budget? was Dean really certain the script is okay? or is it meant to be like this so people can interpret the movie their way? (oof that one is confusing).. i dont know, i want to ask about your thoughts on that >

From this.

It’s an interesting conversation for sure! I believe that THW doesn’t have to be longer to be extremely successful in the ideas it needs to convey! The core ideas being:

Toothless cannot be a wild dragon and strong alpha leader with humans. Other dragons probably deserve the respect of needing wild dragon needs, too.

Humans like Grimmel are extremely dangerous to dragons and will continue to arise, so dragons need to go to an area separate from humans to live in optimal peace.

Hiccup and Toothless’ powerful friendship will separate (insofar as physical location) due to the first two points

I know you’re not the only person I’ve talked to who wanted a longer time because you feel like certain elements were cramped, needed more breathing room, or that dangerous plot points didn’t get enough sense of weight. More time would presumably give that flow and sense of scale and danger. Now, it’s true that more time would give us more content to develop these things. That said, I believe solutions aren’t always “add more.” Creating good art isn’t about adding new things; it’s about knowing when to take away or alter, and how to make every second of your creation count optimally.

I remember when I was doing my music composition degree, my instructors hammered into me what would make a good final piece: the editing process of deleting measures - even measures that were really good! - because they didn’t fit what the final product needed. It’s painful to delete, but ultimately, it’s freeing; instead of making a music piece more cluttered to put all possible good ideas in, I can make it less cluttered, more manageable, more beautiful, more meaningful, and more effective to audiences. A better overall piece isn’t putting in every good idea I have; it’s leaving the piece with the beautiful ideas it needs.

I suggest The Hidden World doesn’t need added materials so much as it needs refining what’s already there.

Budget, production green lighting, and carefulness to the script all seem to have been done. HTTYD 3 was given a longer production time than originally planned. They pushed back the date exactly so they could make their best product. Interviews with people like DeBlois and Spielberg (who read several definitions of the script) talk about how much the script was transformed and bettered through its drafts. They did enough tweaking and care to rework the script. As for budget, the movie was 129 million USD, which sure was the cheapest of the HTTYD trilogy to create, but it’s about on par with what DreamWorks has spent on other movies like Home and Trolls - it’s not like there was skimping - and it’s all about making your money count, which I think this glorious, top notch animation quality film effectively did. So from what I’ve heard, I think production ran fine and we can’t question THW there.

I think most of THW’s problems can be solved simply by tweaking how scenes go down, taking a few small elements out, and adding a few small elements in. It doesn’t need time changes; it needs internal modifications to what’s already there. What I propose wouldn’t change much of the movie’s length - though maybe I we could add 5-8 minutes for things like a longer climax.

1. To Feel Less “Cluttered” or “Rushed”

The movie didn’t feel rushed to me or too cluttered, but it’s cluttered. You’re right. In addition to creating less clutter, my suggested tweaks will clear up time THW can spend elsewhere, streamline THW into fewer palatable essential ideas, and give a slight tone makeover that will add more sense of danger and conflict that THW needs.

Fewer humor side gags with minor characters (and less time spent on them). The gang’s antics are fun additions, yes, but that doesn’t mean they’re central to what the plot needs. Spending too much time with them adds clutter and takes away from plot-central, tone-central material. There’s a huge gaggle of gags in THW, more than any movie needs in a less-than-two-hour-long run time. Do we need all these to give THW its comic relief? Don’t get me wrong - I loved the humor - but time needs to be prioritized, and the movie will be improved once “less is more.”

Less time with Tuffnut’s pep talks. This goes with my first point. This comedic gag was lengthy in particular. It’s in part because it connects to the idea of Hiccstrid marrying, which THW does make more central in its themes. However, I also propose:

Spend less time (or delete) the will-they won’t-they marry Hiccstrid plot. THW intends to parallel Hiccup and Toothless maturing into adulthood, including their romantic connections. However, a will-they won’t-they marry subplot in Hiccstrid isn’t needed to create that parallel. Not to mention: it can be uncomfortable to have this undertone of romance as “required” adulthood maturation, and the fact that Hiccstrid are so close and intimate makes it feel “off” that they’re so uncomfortable talking about marriage. Spend less time here, simply make fans aware they’re going to marry in the future but not today, and return to the main relationships THW needs to pay attention to: that of Hicctooth and Nightlight. 

2. To Make Grimmel a Greater Sense of Threat

One of the central points is that Grimmel is extremely dangerous and represents one of many humans that’ll continue to be a threat to dragons. While Grimmel can be overcome, Hiccup will need to interact with Grimmel in such a way he can understand that dragons and humans cannot coexist in today’s civilization without continuing to risk danger, and that it’s best for everyone to live happily in two separate civilizations. It’s not being defeated by the enemy’s oppression, but taking a brilliant countermeasure to give humans and dragons both a better existence.

Making Grimmel feel like a greater sense of threat, and helping audience members understand what Grimmel represents overarchingly of humanity’s current antagonistic state, will help us and Hiccup process why a separation is best. This can be done by:

Show Grimmel’s impact on human society. All we’d have to do is change what his base looks like: it could be located in an area taken over from another human civilization, showing his army’s power and place in this world over humans.

Greater weight placed on Berk’s exodus. The Hooligans lost their home, but it’s played too lightly. It’s not written optimally as an emotionally impacting or destabilizing moment, which decreases the sense of threat Grimmel has. Instead of having the Hooligans excited to find New Berk, show them grieving. They can butt against Hiccup’s ideas of finding the Hidden World, but instead in a way where they’re frustrated at his naive solution and hurt at what they left behind. This isn’t adding time to THW; this is tweaking phraseology and presenting an event differently.

Change how Berk is abandoned. To make the attack feel more dire, threatening, either: 1. Have the Hooligans more reluctant and grumpy to leave in the town meeting, and not play the leaving scene so lightly, or 2. Have Grimmel chase them out of Berk so they have to flee then and there. This might even reduce time! 

Show Grimmel’s power over dragons. We could have a few-second-long flashback of him standing over a field of dead Night Fury bodies, or have his place cloaked in dragon skins or skulls. 

Show Grimmel’s power as a warlord. Grimmel acts in almost a solo fashion, despite cooperating with warlords and having an army. It doesn’t give us a good sense of scale. Show his interactions better with the whole of his forces to make him feel more dangerous, and for humanity as a whole to feel more like a threat against dragons. For example, in the scenes where he’s trying to trap the dragon riders, show him commanding more people.

Show Grimmel’s impact on the dragon (and/or human worlds) through landscape. What if, as the Hairy Hooligans try to find a new place to stay, they fly over several islands that have been destroyed by Grimmel’s forces? Either human civilizations, or homes once havens to dragons, with characters making comment they “hope” people got away. And what if, when Grimmel takes their dragons near the end of THW, it’s again through more violence and a raid and fire and destruction? 

Conversations more clearly talk about Grimmel’s dangers over dragons and humans, and how he’s one of many people that’ll arise. This idea is embedded in THW dialogue, but not clearly enough to fully grasp its weight, especially not in the sense we see characters grasp this. Have Hiccup and Astrid and Valka or something talk about how widely destructive Grimmel is, how even once he’s gone another man like him will take his place, and that while they may continue to fight and win for human and dragonkind, it’s ultimately not the right move to make for everyone to live safest and alive. A conversation laying this out makes a world of difference in our understanding of what dangers are going down and why we need to come to the solution THW concludes with. Again, this isn’t adding time; it’s changing phraseology. 

Add a few minutes to the climax. Make the final fight with Grimmel obviously the final fight, the threat bigger, the action more intense.

Perhaps show that Berk’s done good work changing the world by their choices. Even though Berk ultimately decides to let the dragons go, they are meant to be the voice of peace that changes their world. The good guys can’t resign to letting themselves live under the thumb of bad guys’ choices. Show that they’ve made a difference - Grimmel and his armies are gone and the world is regrowing (no more torched landscape, if we add that element in) - but that it’s still going to help their world by letting dragons go, too… for this generation, at least.

3. To Make Hiccup and Toothless’ Parting Jive Better

Hiccup and Toothless separate out of need - they can’t live in the same place for the better of both their kinds. However, since the movie spends so much time on Toothless chasing after the Light Fury, we don’t get that full sense of need. I propose:

Open THW with a clear Hicctooth sappy bonding moment. We need things like “Forbidden Friendship” and “Where No One Goes” to feel the power of Hicctooth’s love. Give us that starting sense in THW of how close they are before adding in the complications. It can even be done by tweaking how the opening fight scene goes down.

Show dragons profiting by living with humans, but it also being Complicated with their wild side. We need to acknowledge that the relationship between humans and dragons has done the dragons good, too! Otherwise it might feel incongruous with the rest of the franchise.

Show dragons being unfit in the urban area through their own restlessness. The movie tries to show this with Moosie Boi being too big for Berk, and Berk being so crowded with dragons Gobber finds the soup unsanitary. But if we see Stormfly restless and want to leave for the Hidden World, too, wouldn’t this say something more about where dragons are pulled to and belong?

Less time spent on Toothless investigating the Night Fury. You can’t cut this down too much or we’ll feel like rushing, but since THW focuses so much on just Toothless and the Light Fury’s connection rather than an overarching problem for dragons, it’s hard to feel the full-scale issues of the problem. Making it just him and her feels more like a hook up love story than “dragons and humans are incompatible for their needs.”

Change Toothless’ body language. Show more emotional division in Toothless about his conflicting options. Show him hesitant to leave Hiccup and the two interact over that. Show him lonely away from his kind when with Hooligans. Show him feeling that loneliness met - that deep emotional need of being with his own species - when he’d thought was lost to him (rather than focusing on it being a romantic hookup interest). This doesn’t take more time; it tweaks what was already given on screen.

Change Toothless’ emotions with the Light Fury to feel more like loneliness being met than horny boi practicing kissing with a rock. This does a better job of showing that Toothless has a deep need that needs to be met as a wild animal and as a social draconic species.

Change conversations Hiccup has with humans about Toothless’ struggle. Maybe have Hiccup processing less with people and more by himself or with Toothless. Don’t write the conversations with people be about “Toothless has a girlfriend” and “of course he left.” Discuss instead how Night Furies are social creatures and Toothless hasn’t been with his kind in six years - that’s a huge hole in his heart being filled. Validate the deep connection Hiccup and Toothless have, while simultaneously acknowledging the struggle of this moment now. The movie shows that the Light Fury can never be domesticated, so I think that’s fine, but maybe one line from Astrid saying, “I don’t think she’ll come to live with us,” would be enough to help other audience members pick that up too.

More time spent on all dragons being in danger, and Toothless as an alpha unable to protect them with Hairy Hooligans. The story doesn’t show Toothless being much of an alpha - intentional - until he reaches the Hidden World and it clicks. But I suggest it’d be more effective to pull this out more than having an issue with Moose Boi taking up too much space in Berk, and Berk being so crowded Gobber has a dragon in his soup.

Put more of a deal on Toothless being an alpha. You can say that Toothless didn’t understand or use his role as alpha when with humans, but I think showing more sense of conflict, and of an alpha needing to be wild to protect his own, would be useful. Make this an issue for all dragons. The alpha status being used as a blackmail device against Toothless to keep the Light Fury alive could be replaced with us seeing the full species of dragonkind being unable to be protected by an alpha apart from his own people. More needs to be done than dragons bowing to him in one scene to understand what the alpha does for his society.

Show Toothless with more Light Furies. The Light Fury being his singular focus is great. But what about, in the Hidden World, Hiccup and Astrid watch Toothless interacting with a whole group of Night Furies, and he’s clearly in a situation that was Made For Him?

THW already has great content in there - Toothless and the Light Fury interacting, Hiccup crying when he realizes Toothless is fit in the Hidden World, Hiccup freaking out and Astrid comforting him when he feels a low, and Hiccup and Toothless parting ways touchingly at the end.

With these proposed tweaks, we get Toothless and Hiccup’s relationship being addressed deeply from the angle of both friends. We understand what both Toothless and Hiccup emotionally feel, and palatably sense how both love the other. We get a sense that Toothless is attracted to the Light Fury and might want to mate, but that she’s also calling him into a wild life and reminding him that he’s been alone, separated from his kind. We get a sense that it’s not just Toothless, but all dragons who might be called back to the Hidden World. We get a sense that it’s not just Toothless, but his whole role as alpha affecting the entirety of dragonkind.

And once we add in a greater sense of Grimmel being dangerous, and that more humans like him will continue to rise up, we can understand why Berk would release all their dragons. It’s not that dragons hate living with humans - THW can make that clear - and it’s not that dragons haven’t been profited by living with humans. But in the current call, the current situation, it’s best to go to the Hidden World.

I’m mostly tweaking how scenes go down, changing lines and reactions rather than adding material. Feel free to propose a longer movie! For me, THW already has enough space to share its message. Maybe it needed to be a few minutes longer, but I suppose my own sense is that they had enough time to budget in this material, make a smooth-flowing movie with all the material they needed to present, and come away with an astounding storyline.

Like you, this isn’t meant to judge the movie as bad! It isn’t bad! It’s downright wonderful in many aspects. I’m so happy I’ve seen it and can scream over it! Simply, if I were in charge of tweaking the script, these are the first alterations I’d make, and I think it would make THW even better.

[sweetiepie08]

A long rambling essay about Teacher!au Ernesto & Hector’s friendship and where they go from here.

Essay inspired by the day’s discussions regarding the latest chapter of @im-fairly-whitty and @slusheeduck ‘s teacher!au and the crossroads we find ourselves at.

Long, rambling essay found below the cut

Hector and Ernesto have come to a crossroads in their friendship which can either deteriorate or get stronger & healthier depending on how maturely they handle the transition into Miguel’s adoption. In this essay I will…

Actually write an essay! Let’s begin by laying the facts out on the table.

·         Hector is adopting Miguel.

·         Miguel is a recently-orphaned 8 year old.

·         This decision came suddenly with the previous plan being that Miguel was going to go back to Santa Cecilia after the holidays.

·         Everyone was operating under the assumption Miguel would go back to Santa Cecilia.

·         When Hector made this decision, he neglected to tell Ernesto until the last minute.

·         Ernesto’s only 2 pieces of information on the subject include a text which told him nothing except that there was a change of plans, and a phone call 24 hours later which lasted less than a minute.

Hector & Ernesto both have faults in this situation, but I’ll start with Hector’s since it is honestly smaller and more concrete than Ernesto’s. Hector is making a life-altering decision which will not only affect his life, but Miguel’s life, Imelda’s life, and Ernesto’s life. As previously stated, Ernesto only has a text and an exceptionally brief phone call. It is fair to say that Hector had a lot going on and it’s only natural that some things fall by the wayside. It is also fair to say that Ernesto does not have enough information to go off of to process this sudden massive change to his living situation. (And being the thing left by the wayside never feels good).

To be clear, it is still Hector’s decision to make, but he and Ernesto do have to have a long talk about this because there are a lot of questions that need to be addressed. What, exactly, is Ernesto’s role in all this? How much is he expected to parent Miguel? Are there new rules as to what Ernesto can & can’t do in the apartment now? (For example, bringing a random girl home for the night. Probably can’t do that anymore.) How does this affect their music? Or their touring? What if Hector is planning on moving out all together? Now, assuming they are going to behave like mature adults, these questions will be addressed in the future, but at present, Ernesto’s been left with flailing in the wind. He has nothing to indicate if there is an answer to any of these questions or if Hector has even considered any of this.

So, Hector’s mistake is that he handled telling Ernesto all wrong, and he’d probably be the first one to admit it once it’s brought to his attention. However, Hector’s mistake can be resolved with a future conversation in which they come up with a game plan. Ernesto’s problems are going to take some more work.

To be fair, Ernesto does have legitimate concerns about what’s about to happen, one of which would actually factor into the decision about whether or not Hector should adopt Miguel: can Hector handle it? Ernesto has been friends with Hector for most of his life, which means he’s also been there for all the stupid times. He was there for the chorizo incident, and I’m sure there are plenty more like it. He also knows Hector is prone to flights of fancy and raising a kid is a way bigger commitment than, say, getting a starry-eyed crush on the girl at the bookstore. However, if he’d been paying attention for the last 6 months, he’d have seen how much Hector has matured and how well he’s taken care of Miguel. Sure, there’s a big difference between taking care of a kid for a few months and actually raising one into adulthood, but Hector has proven himself capable.

(As a personal anecdote, I used to be a lifeguard at waterpark, and if you don’t need a lifeguard to tell you that you can’t leave your infant unattended in a pool, you’re already doing better than some people I’ve come across.)

Ernesto’s other previously mentioned concerns do need to be addressed, but none of them change whether or not Miguel is adopted. Assuming something doesn’t go wrong with the adoption process, this is happening. Hector is adopting Miguel. They are going to need all the support they can get. Now, the question is, will Ernesto be supportive?

Ernesto has (reasonable) choices: either find a way to deal, or find his own place. No matter what, there’s going to be change. Ideally, they’ll talk it out, figure out a routine for the new normal, and if that doesn’t work, they get separate apartments when the lease is up. This second one doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It doesn’t have to mean the end of their friendship. It doesn’t even mean they can’t still play together. (Hector obviously can’t go on tour all summer, but he could still play local shows and be Ernesto’s stay-at-home songwriter). It just means this particular era is over. It’d be sad, of course, and they’d have to grieve and adjust, but it’s 100% doable.

Somehow, I doubt that’s how it’s going to be handled.

I don’t think it’s controversial to say Ernesto has tendency to think about himself first. He expects other people to make sacrifices to suit his needs, but he’s not used to making sacrifices himself. (Still low-key salty that he tried to get in the way of Hector’s education and then acted like he did Hector a big favor by stopping his freeze-out over it). Well, he’s going to have to start. Hector is taking on a very important responsibility. Miguel comes first, no matter what. This means accepting that Hector has a life separate from him. This means relinquishing control.

Ernesto relinquishing control: this is completely uncharted territory for him, especially when it comes to Hector. He’s always been able to control Hector before, and Hector’s rarely pushed back before. The only other big time they’ve fought was when Hector went away to college, but that was temporary, just like watching Miguel was supposed to be temporary. But now that Miguel is staying for good, he has to give up some of his control. He has to respect the rules Hector sets (like not filming Miguel without permission. Seriously, Ernesto, you are a 30-something man filming a small child without permission and posting it on the internet. What part of this is not creepy to you?). He has to trust Hector’s judgement and defer to Hector. And he’ll have to face the facts that this was all stuff he should have been doing in the first place.

I’d be interested in what sort of childhood & family life Wit & Slush have in mind for teacher!au Ernesto. I’d like to see where his need for control comes from.

I’ve gone in depth about what I think of Cannon Hector & Ernesto’s dynamic before, but I think some aspects still apply, such as Ernesto conceptualizing Hector as an extension of himself. Now Hector is operating in a way that is independent from Ernesto. They’ve been fighting more than ever, and not even about dumb stuff like who’s turn it is to do the dishes. From Ernesto’s perspective, this kid’s come between them and making it permanent is only going to make things worse. So the kid must be the problem, right?

Well, Ernesto, let’s look at the pattern. Whenever the big fights with Hector have happened, they follow a common thread. Hector tries to do his own thing or put his foot down, Ernesto gets mad because it messes up his plans, If Hector doesn’t fold immediately, Ernesto shuts Hector out, Hector waits until Ernesto’s ready to come back. If Ernesto concedes to Hector, he makes it a point to make sure Hector feels bad for trying to assert himself in the first place. Seems to me that the problem isn’t the kid, or even Hector.

The problem is that Ernesto fears growth to the point where he keeps those around him from growing. Why is this? Again, I’d like to know more about teacher!au’s childhood & home life. But, I do think he needs so much attention all the time because he’s afraid of spending too much time with himself and not liking what he finds when he really has to spend time with that person. On some level, I think he’s aware that he’s aware that he’s in the wrong, but truly admitting his faults would be too damaging to his ego, so he’ll shift blame to Hector, or Imelda, or even a child.

And is there maybe an aspect of self-doubt in there? Maybe he’s seeing his best friend make big steps forward in his life, while Ernesto is still stuck in the same place he was before. Might he feel insecure in his own ability to succeed? So insecure he’s willing to drag down those around him so he’s not left behind?

But still, it’s not fair right? It’s not fair that Ernesto’s life should change so dramatically for this kid he barely even knows. It’s not fair that he has to make sacrifices over something Hector decided, over something he has absolutely no input in. It’s not fair, right?

Right, it’s not fair. Just like it’s not fair that Miguel lost his parents at such a young age. It’s not fair that Enrique & Louisa don’t get to watch their son grow up except for 1 day a year. It’s not fair that Hector had to dive into the responsibility of taking care of a child without getting the chance to grieve for his own cousin. Nothing about this situation is fair.

But that’s the way it is. So what are we gonna do about it?

As I said at the beginning, we’re at a crossroads. What Ernesto choses to do now can either make or break his relationship with Hector. He can either make drastic moves to try to maintain the status quo, or adapt and change with everyone else.

Let’s see what might happen if Ernesto tries to force his will on this situation. It really depends on how low Ernesto’s willing to go. Is he going to try his usual freeze out? Will he try manipulating Hector into changing his mind? Might he try sabotaging the adoption progress? Would he try something even worse? His other incarnations tried to enforce their control over their Hectors with a glass of poison. Is this Ernesto willing to sink down to their level?

Whatever he tries, Hector’s starting to get his priorities in order. He’s not going to fold this time. He might not be good at standing up for himself, but he’d kick a tiger in the face for Miguel. Hector is growing into his own person, and he’s not going to put up with anything that could jeopardize Miguel’s chances for a happy, stable home. If he realizes Ernesto is actively working against this, their friendship will be done for good, and Hector will be the one to end it.

But, it doesn’t have to end like that. This could be a growing opportunity for Ernesto, a coming-of-age story for a 30-something year old man. And it starts with accepting that he is in the wrong and that he’s been treating Hector horribly. He needs to recognize what he’s doing, when he’s being unreasonable & self-centered, and learn how to stop himself.

It’s not going to be easy. No one wants to look too hard at the ugly parts of yourself too long, let alone acknowledge that they’re there. I think he’d definitely benefit from some CBT. If he’s not too proud, he could do with some counseling (everyone could, really). I’d focus on increasing empathy and recognizing irrational thoughts which prevent him from recognizing the needs of others. I’d also work on healthy ways to cope with change.

Just doing this work on himself could make a world of difference, not just with his relationship with Hector, but with his whole life. When you come right down to it, Ernesto is scared. He’s scared of change. He’s scared of loss. He’s scared of being left behind.

He likes what he has right now. He likes having Hector constantly by his side. He likes having adoring fans watch his channel. He likes performing for said fans and basking in their praise. But if something changes, he could lose everything. He might not, but why take the risk? Better to keep everything the same.

So what needs to happen now? He and Hector need to have a talk, a real talk. No accusing, no gas lighting, no giving in just because you’re uncomfortable and you just want it to end. Gonna need a lot of “I” statements and being open about their emotions. It’s not going to be an easy talk. A lot of hurt feelings are going to come to the surface. Old wounds will be open. But they really need to sit down and hash out what’s been going wrong with their relationship. Hector needs to acknowledge that he gives in too easily and doesn’t enforce boundaries. Ernesto needs to acknowledge that he takes advantage of Hector and tries to control too much.

After that, they need to come up with a new life plan, one that takes Miguel’s welfare into account. They need to talk about where compromises can be made and where they can’t. It may end with them coming up with a new routine at the apartment or they may come to the conclusion that it’s better for everyone if they don’t live together anymore. That second option might hurt. It’ll be different and they’re not going to be spending as much time together as they’re used to, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. It just means they’re growing up.

In conclusion, I believe Hector & Ernesto’s relationship is still salvageable at this point, but there needs to be change and it needs to start with Ernesto. Hector is taking on a lot of new responsibilities and is already taking steps to better himself. Ernesto has a lot of work to do on himself and his relationships, but he needs to take that first step and acknowledge his faults. For their friendship to survive, he needs to relinquish control and give Hector unconditional support. He needs to decide what is more important to him, his best friend or his ego.

[lesbian-ed]

do you think that exes can come back together and ever make it work? i used to be very open.. almost like i was lookin into every face and searching for someone that id love. i met her and were not together anymore.. but i dont look anymore. it feels really strange. i meet more women that i think id be attracted to but my insides feel like theyre stuck on someone else (x). i dont really desire to look for or be in other relationships, im okay with being single if its not (x).. is this unhealthy?

(unhealthy anon) it just feels strange. im making a lot of friends now, a lot of platonic connections. all i can describe it as is i feel like im (at least emotionally) married...   

(unhealthy anon again, lol 3/3) also its been a while. definately not.. fresh

Hey there!

Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a good while to get over someone who really marked us. But only you can tell if this is unhealthy. If you think it’s getting in the way of your life (besides relationships), then maybe it’s time you seek out a psychologist and talk this through. 

What I mean by getting in the way of your life is (for example): 

getting you to lose sleep or apetite, 

getting you to avoid social situations, or isolate yourself in some way, 

getting you to not do things you usually do, 

getting in the way of your friendships or family relationships, 

getting in the way of school or work or both... 

Basically, if this is coming between you and your life, then it is most definitely a problem.

However, if you feel it’s just your love life that’s a bit shaken right now, but are happy with your friends and all that... Give yourself more time to heal.

Everyone grieves relationships at different paces, there’s friends I lost ages ago and still think fondly on, and feel nostalgic about what we used to have. So yeah, just maybe take some me-time, some time so you don’t compare other women to her, some time so you just think of your own life and the friends you’ve been making and all that. 

You might feel emotionally married, but you are not. You’re free, and you have a lot of stuff to do, so go do that. Pick up new hobbies, find new people, new places to go, new things to do. Fill your mind. 

An empty mind is the devil’s workshop and all that. So fill your mind. Start journaling, or something. Start keeping track of your activities. Keep busy. 

You’ll be okay. I know it might not feel so, I know you might feel stuck... But this dark cloud will pass.

/Mod A

[blastingxff]

Jessie’s Plotting guide

Tagged by: @deadworlddenizens​

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

Mun Name: Paige

OOC Contact: IMs are the best way of getting to me. I do have Skype and Discord, however I don’t really use them very much. Asks are a tricky thing for me with OOC so if you want me to be sure you want to talk OOC send me an IM. 

Who the heck is my muse anyway:

Jessie is a young woman in her early twenties who is a member of Team Rocket and the leader of her squad. A rough life has rendered her fierce and defensive over those she views as hers. She is not one to handle lightly, and despite her tough exterior, she is very fragile. 

Points of interest:

*Jessie’s true personality - Many see her as the loud, overbearing member of Team Rocket. She is rude, offensive, selfish, and holds no care for anyone else’s feelings. However, these are all defense mechanisms she put in place specifically because if she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have survived her life. If someone can get around her wall of defenses she’s created, they might be quite surprised.  *Jessie’s past - Jessie’s past has been littered with heartbreak and abuse. She has spent most of her days homeless, and nearly all of them without family or anyone close to her. She won’t talk about this often, she loathes pity and refuses it. However, perhaps some empathy would go a long way.  *Jessie’s Mother - When she was five years old, her mother left for a mission to find Mew and never returned. What she remembers of her mother, she loves and cherishes. Her mother is her only evidence she ever had a family, or ever had anyone who cared about her. She constantly goes back in thought to her mother, and it is a huge factor for why she’s in Team Rocket now.  *Jessie’s dreams - Jessie had many dreams growing up. She’s wanted to be a pokemon trainer, a pokemon nurse, a performer. She went to school to become a pokemon nurse only to have the entire system screw her over. She auditioned for a performance school, but her friends made it in. She didn’t. Now her dreams are more realistic (well, for the normal person, to her they’re impossible). She wants to get married and have a quiet life. She longs for stability.  *Jessie’s mental health - Her life has continued to beat her down with a stick until she can’t move anymore. She’s been abused, neglected, forgotten, rejected, and ignored. A slew of traumatic experiences have rendered her with anxious tendencies, panic attacks, ptsd, and depression. Though she doesn’t realize it. She has never been in a safe place to make sense of these feelings. She just knows she gets angry and she gets panicked and she gets afraid and more, but no one has ever spoken to her or cared about her enough to help. She doesn’t realize there’s anything wrong except for just her. She is on the verge of breaking.  

What they’ve been up to recently:

*Main Verse - Jessie has recently gotten news back from Headquarters about her mother. Her mother is alive, and has been communicating with Team Rocket over the years. Jessie is immediately heartbroken, but she has no idea how to voice these feelings- her mother, the woman she loved so dearly didn’t want her. Would rather have been dead than be her mother. Of course, the actual situation is a lot more complicated, but Jessie doesn’t know that.  *AU- New Beginnings - After a plan gone terribly awry, Jessie finds herself grieving her two best friends and alone in the world again. Out of mercy, she has been allowed to pursue her old childhood dream of being a Pokemon Nurse. A month has passed since the events, and she’s focusing on studying- if she allows herself much time to rest her mind will focus on her lost friends. *Older Verse -  In her mid-forties, Jessie has married her longtime sweetheart James (based off of the epilogue of the manga). Years of starvation and intense physical work left her almost completely infertile. However, by some miracle- she was able to conceive. In this verse, she has an eight-year-old girl named Miya, after her mother. She and James have a fashion salon where they do everything from hair to make-up to costume design. 

Where to find them:

*Main Verse - She can be often found wandering towns alone, or pulling a scheme with James and Meowth. I often don’t feel comfortable writing fight scenes without prior planning, so I prefer having more emotional encounters.  *AU- New Beginnings - At Professor Oak’s place, mostly in the study room she uses. She usually has to be caught when out making tea. Sometimes she gets to a cafe to study.   *Older Verse -  At her salon or her house. She spends most of her time caring for Miya and booking clients, but she can be convinced to leave the house. 

Current plans:

Currently, I would just like to expand on the three verses here. I want to add more depth to her, I want her to be able to open up and I want her to be able to gain some friends she feels she can talk to. Or even some mentors and motherly figures. I love plotting things out, so if you have any ideas please come to me!

Desired interactions:

*Open book - I would love someone, canon or OC, to gain her trust enough for her to really start talking about her life. Or at least her mother. It might be easier said than done though, she’s locked away these tears as best as she can - and if she starts talking about them it’s guaranteed to be a flood. But she’ll feel so much better afterwards.  *“Hey, you’re not so bad” - Especially with canon characters who know her when she’s putting on her Team Rocket show. Put them in a situation where Jessie can be more herself instead of the villain she’s had to be. Just resulting in realizing that perhaps they don’t always have to all be enemies. *Thelma and Louise without a tragic end -  I want Jessie to have friends. Especially female friends. A badass girl squad, really. She’s tough. There’s been a lot of talk in this post about her vulnerability, and while she is, she’s also incredibly strong. I’d love to be able to play with this.  *Jessie to the rescue! - Going off of the previous, I think there are definitely times Jessie will step in to save someone. If she saw a girl being harassed, or one of the twerps in serious danger, she’d step in. I always have a scenario in my mind of one of Ash’s female companions finding herself in a spot of trouble with pushy or predatory guys, and her stepping in because she’s been in the twerpette’s position and she wouldn’t wish it on anyone. And now, Jessie’s got the physical fighting skills to fully defend.  *Friends and Teammates - This is a little harder to fulfill, but I do always welcome squad interactions. I think the TR friendship is incredibly important and I love playing with it. 

Offered interactions:

Of course, I’ll do any of the desired interactions. I will do more villainous encounters with Jessie, but I really need these plotted out first. I don’t think Jessie is inherently evil, despite what people say or think, so it’s harder for me to push that side of her. I need you to talk to me if you want her to be a pure villain. 

I do also multiship, but I do need communication too. I want to know what you want and what you’re thinking so I know how to play my character. 

Current open post/s:

The best way is to start through a meme or to start an IM conversation with me for plotting. I have a growing page of starters  that are always open. Multiple people can respond to the same starter. I don’t do well at flying by the seat of my pants, i get too anxious, but I love plotting. 

Anything else?:

I love plotting. If you get me a character relationship that I adore, I will tell you all my headcanons as they form. I can easily talk and plot out a whole arc that gets me super excited if the situation is right. I love plotting. It gives me motivation. The story itself doesn’t have to be solidified, heavens no, but like- preplotting relationships so I’m excited to get to the end. 

Tagging: anyone who hasn’t and wants to tbh. Still bad with tagging people XD Sorry!

[lacnunga]

due to the recent attention quincey and my strange love child has gotten, i’ve decided to do a post of my ‘character building’ aka ‘me just aimlessly rambling at Q in tumblr chat and getting overly invested in our hopeless little loser’. enjoy (or dont idk idc)

Naruto oc Gear

·         platonic bff w/ kankuro

·         i feel like they deserve a mullet. they're completely oblivious to why other people Hate it. they think it's cool.

·         "it feels swishy kank. kank. feels like Wind Country style. kank why are you laughing?"

·         nobody understands why someone 'cool' like kankuro hangs around with this dork

·         its like kakashi and gai. kankuro just shrugs - "dude is a good listener. and they write valentines cards to karasu. they're a weirdo and i love them so back tf off'

·         gear:: nyah

·         kank: what?

·         gear, staring at him through their souless glasses: you know, nyah *makes kitty motions*

·         *gear proceeds to be drop kicked all the way to fire country border*

·         also, nobody know whether gear is male or female or...other?? except their doctor, who enjoys keeping it a secret from a frustrated kankuro.

·         gear has promised him a years worth of buying hi hamburger steaks if he manages to find it out, so kank has some incentive

·         its been nearly ten years...no luck

·         temari doesnt understand the friendship, but its not the weirdest thing her fam is involved in so

·         gear is v scared of gaara though, especially when gaara, in a bid to 'understand his family better' tries to get to know him. gear tries to avoid gaara, but he's. always. there.

·         kank in the end tells gear to Just Talk to Gaara, there's like a 50% chance he won't kill them (if only for kank's sake)

·         wind forwards to a v awkward interrogation session where gear tries to explain the appeal of fireworks and the concept of second hand embarassment

·         no wait

·         i just had a brilliant idea

·         gear is the pioneer of light up ninja sandals

·         are they practical? no way

·         are they weirdly satisfying? hell yeah

·         (when too many shinobi got caught in the field bc their sandals lit up, by decree of the kazekage they can only be worn in the village

·         and preferably never, according to Temari)

·         also gear is a big fan of shino. why? (because I love shino) but Actually because kankuro is still bitter about losing to him

·         so when gear meets shino they make it their mission to become Great Friends, aka the Hoopiest of Froods

·         Rub In That Salt. Can You Taste It Kank? All That Salt.

·         their name is now Gear, or in the japanese version, Giya ギヤ (aka just Gear in katakana - hell, if it works for Lee.) fter visiting konoha kank is sulking bc gear went on and on about how shino was a Cool Guy and had Flair and a certain je ne sais quois ( doesnt know what that means, but it sounds adoring and he Hates it. Gear is his friend, not Shinos)

·         Especially when he remembers that Shino kicked his asssss

·         eventually gear gets ticked off and commisions a cake with big writing on it 'STOP SULKING, KITTY'. kank is weirdly frustrated that gear has remembered his favourite flavour cake

·         gear makes him sarcastic friendship bracelets

·         though gear and shino bond over the fact that nobody knows what their faces/eyes look like. its sort of like an Achievement Unlocked.

·         Gear is then integrated into the Aburame family as a honors member

·         Gets home made pies when ever they visit

·         Kankuro is jelly as usual but does not argue over the pie

·         when shino demonstrates his kikaichuu technique, gear waves their arms around making obnoxious buzzing noises. shino sniggers.

·         hell most things can be forgiven for pie

·         gear actually becomes very good at mimicking the kikaichuu noises so when they go back to suna gear makes the noises when kankuro is least expecting it. the suprised punches to the nose are so worth it.

·         I can just see kankuro just spazzing out before just decking this nerd in the face!

·         Ok but Kin adopts them and loves them but just...just hates their fashion sense more then anything in the world

·         she just eyes their mullet with a twitching brow. gear is holding onto their visor with all their might and watching out for any kunai that might come close to his fabulous mane.

·         lets face it, if shino and gear had a bit of a 'snip snip' training accident, kin wouldn't be disappointed

·         and of course if gear becomes friends with shino, they gotta get along w/ team eight as well. kiba is eyeing their hair with a strange mixture of envy and incredulity. hinata draws gear up some new face-masks. they love them, even the pink floral ones.

·         hinata, handing over the masks: d-do you like them?

·         gear, choked up and holding back sobs: they're fine

·         Gear has a habit of coming to Kank in the middle of the night with the weirdest shit. They knock on his door at three in the morning looking like they're about to cry.

·         G: Kank I've done something awful I'm a murderer

·         Kank is basically ready to help bury a body

·         K:okay okay don't panic what did you do?

·         G: *whispering* I eat eight spiders a year kank. EIGHT SPIDERS. HOW MANY SPIDER ORPHANS HAVE I LEFT TO GRIEVING SPIDER WIDOWS KANK. I'm a MONSTER.

·         K:...go home.

·         K: Spends the night googling 'is it true you swallow eight spiders a year?')

·         i have the idea that gear was a really plain child. you know the kind that never really got noticed and people just realised they were there when they tripped over them.

·         and they finally got sick of it when they graduated the academy like

·         'well now im just going to be so Extra you wont have a choice but to notice me fuck you'

·         now thats not to say they realise the mullet is a bad idea, however it does have the extra incentive of people going 'oh hi- DEAR LORD WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR HEAD'

·         plot twist, they look so completely ordinary under the glasses and mask that even the people who saw their face don't remember it the second they look away

·         surprisingly gear makes an excellent undercover operative

·         Just take off the mask and goggles and visor, fashion their hair a lil, and put on a plain kimmon and BAM Gear is an under cover cop

·         exactly. kankuro is really weirded out by the idea that any of the sort of twenty yo people he passes on the street could be gear

·         Kankuro was terrified of gaara but boy o boy does Gear just raise the steaks a lil

·         They could be anywhere

·         Behind that bush, near the bush, IS THE BUSH

·         one time gear was on a mission with their team and they got separated. in the fight, gear lost his mask, broke his glasses and his visor got tossed. when they returned to their team they had to spend the whole journey back convincing them that 'YES this is me i swear see? im wearing the same underwear!' 'how would we know what underwear you started out wearing?' 'I THOUGHT WE HAD A BOND'

·         they meet kankuro on the way into town and gear is just like 'here, kank is my buddy, he'll tell you im me'

·         'well kankuro-sama, is this Gear?'

·         K:...im gonna be honest i cant fucking tell

·         K:but are they wearing blue boxers with ducks on them?

·         Squad captain: WHY DO YOU-???

·         Kankuro: THINGS HAPPENED OK THEYRE WEIRD AND JUST- DO THEY OR DONT THEY?

·         Gear: *shit eating grin*

·         Temari actually thought those two were together for a long time and they both just missed her euphemistic references to their ahem 'friendship' until Gaara mentions they couldn't put romantic partners on a team together and Kank just

·         ucking falls off his chair like

·         K: Wait what? Since when have we been romantic partners?? News to me??

·         When he talks to Gear about it they seem unfazed just straightfaced tell Kankiro that 'you make my kokoro go doki doki'. Kank doesn't speak to them for a week

·         Aka Gear is once again relegated to the sofa

·         Gear seems to say 'so worth it' a lot

·         Most of the time it really isnt

·         Gears surprisingly good a dancing, specifically the fancy pants type dancing.

·         So bc Kank is the kazekage's brother he's invited to a fancy do somewhere and he brings along Gear as his +1 bc hes a loser w/o a bf/gf. before the do he's just pointedly asking Gear like 'look do i need to teach you how to dance? because there will be dancing. fancy dancing. it will be Expected of You. do you want a dance tutor. are you sure? Are You SURE?'

·         Gear is just waving him off 'Relax kitty, its cool' Kank is just mentally preparing apology speeches for Very Important Peoples' crushed toes

·         the night comes along and Kank is making awkward small talk with some girl who roped him in when suddenly he's yanked away from the convo by Gear

·         before he knows it they're on the dancefloor and SURPRISE gear is waaaay better at dancing than kank's stiff penguin shuffle

·         gear takes great pleasure in dipping him really low at the end

·         and they never let kank forget about it

·         so i dont know if kankuro went to the ninja academy but lets assume he does

·         *did

·         so he and gear are in the same class

·         but gear is of course always forgotten

·         until one day kankuro notices them because IDK he runs into them and knocks them over or something

·         so somehow they hang out that day and kank realises 'yeah this kid is a good one i could hang out with this dude like forever. mine now.'

·         and the next day kank tries to find Gear except

·         the fucker is so Unnoticable

·         kank is just standing in the middle of the room scratching his head trying to figure out who the fuck he was talking to yesterday. gear of course doesnt have their sparkling personality yet and so is too shy/embaressed to go up to kank and remind him that 'hey this is what my face looks like'

·         eventually they do hang out again though

·         and the same thing happens

·         kank gets fed up and brings in his face makeup and like draws reminders on gears face

·         gear is fine with it, just wandering around all day with purple paint on their face

·         except ppl keep making fun of them so kank wears the paint as well as like a solidarity thing

·         of course gear finds his own look at the end of their academy days but kank carries on wearing the paint from then on(also gear used to be the kind of person who cried really easily and the paint showed it ALL up. they weren't too keen on walking around with tear tracks and smudges on their face, so mullet it is lol)

·         sad idea

·         gear is kankuro's first and best friend

·         sure, kankuro has other friends, but no real Friends outside of his fam later on, bc when he was smaller every interaction with other kids was coloured by him being related to the Sand Demon

·         kids didn't want to be friends with him bc they were scared for their lives (and kank threw himself into his puppet making for something to do bc puppets werent to emotionally fickle as kids)

·         so he latched onto gear and they became integral parts of their lives without even realising it

·         one day, gear leaves on a mission. they dont come back. they're declared MIA

·         it varies between villages but generally its one-two months before a MIA ninja is declared KIA

·         kank isnt worried about gear. gear is a tough dude, they'll come back.

·         a week passes and kank isnt worried

·         two weeks passes, and he's getting twitchy, spending more and more time hunched up in his studio, tinkering with his puppets

·         three weeks passes without a sign from gear, and he's wrecked seven puppet prototypes in senseless death battles and he doesnt want to think about why he's become so snappy and easily frustrated

·         (temari pops in on him every so often, forcing sandwiches and energy drinks on him even as he ignores her, whittling down a wooden ball joint with singular concentration)

·         the fourth week draws to a close and kank is visiting the mission room every day, lingering inside the doorway, scaring returning genin teams with his impatient aura. he's making trips around the hospitals in case they had an unidentified body turned in (he knows gear by their scars even if their face just wont stick)

·         saturday rolls around and kankuro is dragging himself down to the morgues, the crematoriums, clamping down on the threatening waves of despair - he asks by name, by description, by the rate of decay on any bodies returned by scavenging teams sent out across the sandy oceans

·         there is no sign of gear, not a peep as the fourth week draws to a close, the deadline for Suna mia operatives

·         he goes to the records office to bear witness as they change the status on gear's paperwork, and he feels hollow, like karasu as the red ink is drawn through the status box

·         he returns to his house, silent. temari is there, waiting, with a worried furrow between her brows (he thinks he even saw gaara, who was so changed since the chuunin exams, peer at him through his bedroom doorway opened just a crack, that emerald stare assessing, before retreating again)

·         he closes the door to his workshop with a calm firmness, blocking out temari's questions

·         kankuro stares at his puppets, propped up on various stands and in the corners, half assembled carapaces that seemed to mock him with their glassy stares

·         he snaps

·         kankuro thinks this is what gaara must have felt like, pulled under by the whirlwind of emotions as he rampages, trashing models and ripping up drawings and smashing incomplete headless, armless bodies. it feels like there isn't enough destruction to match the hole gear's death has left in his own chest and he only stops when his fist pulls its punch instinctively, barely an inch to karasu's face, those lovingly sanded planes and features carved with years of practice and patience

·         now karasu is left, his friend before, during, after Gear, and he never thought there would be an 'after Gear' - gear was only a chuunin, they didn't leave the village on any dangerous missions, not like the sand siblings

·         kankuro doesnt leave his workshop for three days

·         on the third he comes out, with karasu and gathers his supplies. he leaves for the funeral, to send off his friend

·         when they had visited konoha, he's seen their Memorial to the dead - a great stone slab, with their names carved into it, the oldest names almost worn away with time and touch. suna doesnt have a memorial - the souls of their shinobi are memorialised at the Oasis

·         the spirit oasis lies a few hours run outside of the city of suna, towards the east - once, or so the tales go, the oasis was part of a giant aquaduct that fed the blooming gardens of a wealthy empress, a long time before the establishment of the hidden villages. now, the oasis is a forest of crumbled stone and faceless statues, a giant pair of stone legs, broken at the knee marking the entrance. past there runs a river, mysterious in its crystal clarity - many suna scientists have tried to find the rivers origins and where it disappears to, but it remains one of the sand's greatest mysteries

·         it became known as the spirit oasis by the first kazekage, who saw the electric blue lights bob and weave above the rushing waters at night - he took it as a sign, and saw, from the top of the tallest ruin, the great crater that he would build his village in.

·         it is to the oasis that the suna shinobi go to remember their dead, and to let them go. it is where kankuro went. it is where he ended up kneeling beside the gently gurgling river, amongst the offerings of food and sake left behind from the visits of other shinobi. bells tinkle melodious in the soft winds, accompanied by the flutter of the shimenawa papers. he looked into the water, so clear he could see the mosaic tiles on the bottom of the aqua duct, and tried to imagine the corpse of his friend, buried somewhere under the grains of sand, lost, decaying until only his bones are left, to be collected one day many generations down, or simply to be forgotten until the gods reclaimed their peoples. kankuro imagines gear's spirit, their soul, instead, bobbing along in this river, laughing and dancing in the night, blue, bright, electric

·         "I- Geez, I can't believe you're making me say this, you idiot. I guess, I miss you. It hardly feels like you're gone. It's been, huh, i don't know how long. For me, weeks, since you've died, but I guess it only really hit me some days ago. You- urgh, you really always need to have the last word, don't you, G-"

·         Kankuro froze as the wind moaned. It was the wind, right? He knew the reports from the shinobi who had visited this place - odd sounds like groans and moans of the deceased spirits, and the embittered jounin who simply waved the tales off as the sounds the wind makes as it howls through the archways and pillars of the ruins.

·         he strains his ear for any other sounds and- there, again. It doesn't sound like the wind, he decides. it sounds like a person, a flesh and blood person. he rises to his feet, slowly pulling a kunai silently out of his pouch. he's ready for an attack as he makes his way through the labyrinth of ruins, following the sounds of grunts and pants of pain. he turns a corner and finds his quarry.

·         a fellow suna shinobi, judging by the tattered dull flak vest. brown hair matted to the head with crusted blood, the shinobi is slumped over a large piece of the ceiling that had fallen down centuries ago. as kankuro approaches, the shinobi gestured weakly with their own kunai, dripping blood onto the weeded tiles.

·         "who..." the shinobi rasps out

·         kankuro doesnt have to hear any more than that word - he recognises the voice, knows it because it's been cycling around his head with endless quips and puns and sarcastic riddles over the past few days. it was a voice he didnt think he'd ever hear again, and now that he has-

·         he dropped his kunai with a metallic clutter and swiftly crouched in front of the shinobi, casually brushing away the brandished knife that couldn't have speared a paralysed mouse. slowly, his hands grasped the drooped chin and he straightened the slumped head, so he could look the shinobi in the eyes.

·         they were brown and bruised around the edges. they stared back at kankuro for a moment, almost dead, before a spark of recognition lit up in them, and they crinkled up. the blood-tinted mouth stretched up too, showing a set of battered teeth. one hand come up to tug at kankuro's hair.

·         "...hey kitty. was the service...good?"

·         kankuro laughs and leans forwards, so his forhead touches the other.

·         "you're- you're a fucking idiot. you asshole-"

·         Gear just grins.

·         ………..

·         also i had an idea about gear's family

·         since they're hoity toity ima imagine they're an Old Clan

·         they were maybe friends of the first kazekage, and howsabout they built the water delivery system for the village

·         sooo even though they're not really relevant anymore (especially with the rise of more modern technology etc) they're still trying to regain that 'friendship'/allience whatever they had with the first kazekage

·         they consider themselves one of the village founders bc of their water systems but they're Not Really. basically the family is pretty stuck up and gear's parents are pretty peeved that Gear doesnt care more about his family history/doesnt conduct themselves with dignity

·         Gears parents are snooty plumbers

·         family name = 水瓶座/mizugameza

·         aka Aquarius/water bearer

·         not their original name but they rebranded themselves all fancy like after doing the village plumbing lol

·         gear is actually kind of embarassed about their family's attitude which is well known (and sometimes mocked) around the village

·         they prefer to just be known as Gear minus family name hence Kankuro didn't actually know which family Gear was a part of until quite a bit into their friendship

·         Gear ur a beautiful child I'm glad u were made

·         gear deserves all the happiness

·         the only reason im glad they're not canon is so they're spared the boruto ending

·          

[mental-health-advice]

Heyy I dont know if you talk about this but... A little over a year ago me and my ex broke up. I cant get over this and I feel like im starting to get depressed again. I dont know what to do anymore to fix this. It feels like a hopeless loop -Winieh

Hi Winieh!

It’s really brave of you to reach out to us and explore what it is that you’re struggling with. Relationships breaking down can be a really hard thing to deal with, and you aren’t alone in finding this tough

When a relationship breaks down, it can feel unbearable to have lost a person you were so close to. There is no right or wrong way to respond emotionally to this sort of situation. Learning to process the break up can look similar to the ways that people experience grief. This involves five stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

Depression, like anger, can take many different forms, for example feeling tired all the time, not wanting to do anything but lay in bed, feeling disconnected from people even when you’re with them, being on the verge of tears most of the time, trouble sleeping or sleeping too much, loss of appetite or overeating, increase in drug or alcohol use and hopelessness.  Hopelessness is the thing that leads us to believe that nothing will ever be or feel different than it is right now. Hopelessness makes it feel like you will never move on and that nothing will ever work out for you in the future.

I want you to know that there is ALWAYS hope. You might not see it or feel it right now, but there will be a day when this won’t hurt any more, and you will be able to find new meaningful relationships. If symptoms of depression are becoming overwhelming then I really encourage you to speak to a medical professional about this. You can write it down for them if it is easier, or take someone with you to an appointment. You don’t deserve to be struggling with this, you deserve to get help and support.

Most people experiencing normal grief and loss have a period of sorrow, numbness, and even guilt and anger. Gradually these feelings ease, and it’s possible to accept loss and move forward. For some people, feelings of loss are debilitating and don’t improve even after time passes. This is known as complicated grief, sometimes called persistent complex bereavement disorder. In complicated grief, painful emotions are so long lasting and severe that you have trouble accepting the loss and resuming your own life.

Sometimes being in a relationship can feel like an addiction, and it’s easy to become very attached to a particular person, and for your life to revolve around them. When this person is no longer around for whatever reason, it leaves a big hole that can feel very raw and painful. Some practical ways to help yourself include:

Write or talk it out - with family, friends, or a counsellor. Try and identify what the thoughts are that you are experiencing, and how they make you feel.

Take care of yourself - Feed yourself, allow yourself to rest, be kind to your body

Exercise regularly - This can help reduce symptoms of depression and stress

Socialise - It’s really important to start building new relationships and friendships so you don’t feel alone. Surround yourself with people who care about you and will remind you of how wonderful you are!

Forgive yourself - this is not your fault. Sometimes people are meant to be in our life for only a season

Be patient with yourself - there is no right or wrong way to grieve an ex, give yourself time, this can and will get better

Remember that you managed okay before you met your ex, and you can be okay again

I’m really proud of you for being able to acknowledge that you’re finding things hard at the moment, and we are here for you to talk to about anything at all! Please do send another ask if you have any other thoughts or questions :)

With love,

Imogen xx