#and its now 3am AGAIN
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I am having the WORST time of my fucking life rn
#thoughts bad because i cant sleep but i cant sleep cause my thoughts are bad#im so tired and so anxious and so miserable#i just wanna fucking sleep so bad#but j cant#and its now 3am AGAIN#i was supposed to make myself sleep at 10#i WAS falling asleep at 8 but i told myself it was to early still#i shoukdve just slept then#its so fucked up#what if i only sleep 3 hours again#what if i start sleeping during all the daylight hours#i have THINGS i need to be doing#stuff happenjng during the day#i cant be sleeping like this#and the most fucked up thing is that i cant even do anything about these thoughts but think them#i cant do anything to resolve my fears#because i need to talk things out with my bf but hes not even in the fucking city rn#so the best i can do it be like when you get back NEXT WEEK i need to talk to you#and then sit with that feel miserable because i cant actually DO anything#i need to talk about this stuff so fucking bad but the only way to resolve it is to talk to him#and i want to do it in person because ljke its a really emotional thing and i need to be THERE#so ive just been fucked UP fr#and because im so tired all my anxieties just get 100000x worse#so im too scred to sleep#i have to either be so exhausted i cannot stay awake anymore or focused kn something JUST calm enough that im not engaged in it really BUT#also not thinking about any of my fears and worries#which is so fucking hard to pull off
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damn those conses do quence (/j /j, unfortunately[...?] no bug mpreg took place here)
anyway, woe, grub be upon ye. tbc... whenever i finish the many other things i need to do lol.
i did this instead of making an ask blog because i dont have the time or energy to upkeep that atm, but honestly?? it probably wouldve just be easier to make an ask blog instead of... doing whatever this is LMAO,,, but i had fun so its ok sklvfjbfkbdb,,
prev // next
#bug sunstreaker#bug jazz#bug prowl#jeetle and peetle#long post#velwy.png#macaddam#my art#transformers#sunstreaker transformers#prowl transformers#jazz transformers#apologies to sides. i got tired of drawing this before i got to him#but trust. immediately after that image he attacks bugbois ankles#anyway. i hope its clear who pterrorgirl + bugboi are. i certainly HOPE it is at this point but. fhdjbfjd you never know#listen man i love details and i love it even more when people notice them :']#and nobodys mentioned it so far so now *i* gotta.#i spent too much time on this <3 i also invested in making a font out of my handwriting again because im normal like that#and its once again 3am so goodnighties#jazzprowl#implied. again#cybugs
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I think I draw too much of him... I should really stop lol
#Art block I love you sooooo much….. ur absolutely horrendous. first thing I’ve drawn in a week lol and its once again 3am and i don not know#edit#actually its is now 6pm and jesus christ those hands look good#i'm actually kinda proud of meself lol#life series#trafficblr#hermitblr#life smp#empires smp#mcsos#minecraft sos#sos smp#joel smallishbeans#smallishbeans#hermitcraft#me art
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this dang helmet gonna be the death of me
#xmen#xmen comics#krakoa#house of x#professor x#charles xavier#eriks there too but not enough for me to proeprly tag vjAELKAJV#snap sketches#i just wanted a ref for myself for when i inevitably draw this thang again#and then of course obligatory test doodle using the ref sheet. its serviceable and i will not be adjusting it (probably)#its so funny posting this right after my other drawing cause you can Just Tell i actually really did. pay attention to cerebro vjeLKEAJE#like i TRIED to focus on details in the last one but i was. i was not here for that it was like 3AM when i drew that#BUT NEXT TIME. i lock in...#ok im sleeping now. i need to stop drawing at 2AM i have CLASS in six hours goodbye evreyone
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blessed be (lorscher bienensegen) | telling the bees (wiþ ymbe)
"Bees" [remixed, abridged], Claudia Emerson // "Letter to Someone Living Fifty Years from Now" [remixed. abridged], Matthew Olzmann // "Letter to my Great, Great Grandchild" [remixed, abridged], J.P. Grasser | Len Redkole, Nina Weiss, Brian Babineau, Christian Peterson, Mitchell Leff, Dave Isaac, Megan DeRuchie
#liv in the replies#if i were insane there would be an appendix to this called telling the bees however i finished this at 3am yesterday its nearly midnight &#my cutoff is when my ahl asg stream cuts. GOD by now i should know when i save a poem like hmm. not applicable but god it'd be perfect#THAT'S A CURSE. DON'T PUT IT IN THE DOCUMENT. DON'T SAVE IT. FORGET YOU READ IT. IT'S A CURSE!! <- things i should've told myself when i#went to read bees was already like 👀 &then the first line was FUCKING CLAUDE!!!!! anyway. sorry also this is like. insanely long but ALSO#regarding mf claude. the first picture is a leftover from the claude edit i made years ago so that feels GREAT and BEAUTIFUL & also for me#as ever y'all will be getting a full breakdown. starting with what i regularly have a breakdown about every time i see it which is joelle's#james 1:12 tattoo which if u use the king james version (gay) is blessed is he who perseveres under trial because having stood the test he#will receive the crown of life the lord has promised to those who love him. which i always go blessed is he who perseveres // for those who#love him. and that's joel. ignoring him getting it then getting sent down on his birthday IGNORING IT. also we know the frosty/maple leafs#hahaha fuck the flyers lore right? good. that's morgan and his dad also bc i love a baby picture & it was perfect. also the dave isaac pic#next was in an article talking about morgan 'stung' by draft camp. shut UP. i have an alt for tells him with claude and ALSO hate the#elephant w/phil bc myesie u fuckin leaf-eater (giraffe) but i love the composition of that jake shot & had to use it (it was also almost#tells him) with thylacine jakey frog nolan also raff the extinct whale bc i needed him here. if my editing on incapable of joy is bad no on#tell me i did some SHENANIGANS to put morgan in there & color-pick/alter his jersey. new skill. i think euphoria is one of my favorite for#the sake of pride night but ALSO that polaroid kills me very time &they're so stoners contemplate the universe but ALSO i love transcendenc#so that whole three photo string i think is my favorite. and i was in looking at these like listen okay it's okay there are only so many#photos in the world. you can repeat from others you've seen before. except ALSO there's so many of these freaks together do you separate#and every time i was like there can't be more there was more. don't ask the number of back-ups for the sweetest blossom/pinch/ruffle sets#okay also the ready to be stung one was a surprise favorite fit for me because i love that line but wasn't sure how to convey it? so it's o#i think with how morgan's face is and the almost of it all. yes joel hardest trier is in there purely for me i do have an alt but. how coul#u doubt him. insert sasha's tweet abt how much joel loves philly but all his quotes have been abt being excited for morgan to have a fresh#start. AND NOT EVEN TWO MINUTES IN CALGARY AND YOU'RE STILL INSEPARABLE god i literally googled frost farabee calgary to find the last#blessed [because. heard but not seen you know of everyone traded but you went together. not seen. (which ties into the terrible appendix)]#and IT DIDN'T EVEN TAKE ME TWO MINUTES TO FIND THAT!!! WHAT DO YOU MEANNN anyway. sorry again it's so long & also i will be vanishing a wee#& a half after posting [redacted] is kicking my ass & im doing [redacted fun things WAIT ACTUALLY U CAN KNOW ONE i'm seeing hippo campus]#morgan frost#joel farabee#philadelphia flyers#calgary flames
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Out of curiosity, what would happen in butterfly reign if Wilbur was never born? what Br!Techno and Br!Theseus relationship could have been? or how the story would have happened?
Oh, that's a fun one! Wilbur is so central to much of the conflicts in the story, it is rather difficult to picture what BR would have been like without him. Let's think...
Techno immediately gets appended in status as the crown prince as the first and only son. It's not a particularly appealing role to someone who would rather crawl under the ground rather than talk to another person within his lifetime, but he handles it with grace and responsibility.
When another child is born, however, things take a turn for the worse: Tommy is small and fragile and prone to sickness besides. The Empress, too, grows weaker. The crown prince bears the brunt of new responsibilities brought about by her ailment, and as the turmoil in the noble class grows, it becomes dangerous to bear their family name.
To protect the six year old Tommy and the future of the dynasty, he is sent away to allies in Drywaters. He remains in young Queen Niki's royal court both for his mother's passing, and then for his father's assassination by conspiring noble families seeking to claim the Imperial throne for themselves when Tommy had just turned ten. A long and bloody war erupts, and terrible rumors spread about Technoblade and the heinous acts he commits in the name of wrestling the nation under his control.
Now, at sixteen years old, and a whole decade spent away from his motherland, Tommy receives a letter of summons from his estranged brother. Emperor Technoblade, bapticized in blood, is calling his heir home.
#br asks#No Wilbur aka The Beauty And The Beast AU#Techno fought so hard to make the empire safe for tommy#but now tommy doesnt even remember him and is lowkey terrified#techno thinks they are bonding tommy thinks that he is about to die#if there were phones in this universe tommy would be calling niki at 3am begging her to take him back#there is a lot of resentment and hostility until tommy puts himself in techno's shoes#and that techno is trying really hard#tommy tells him that he isnt alone anymore and techno has his well deserved breakdown and they mourn the years that were stolen from them#but its okay because they've found each other again and will tear the world apart before they let go
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something happened to my warm up sketch
alts under cut
#sad•leonart#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt donnie#rise donnie#rottmnt donatello#rise donatello#my day started at like 11 am and now its 3am and i have no clue what happened today alsdjfalsjdflj#the depression be hitting hard again with brain fog at its side :pensive:
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when you think abt it. i bet if randy had sacked up and pulled a phantom thread w benson. benson would have gone along with it
#its 3am again confetti confetti confetti#if benson scruffed randy and dragged him across the us and gave him a black eye every now and then#and then randy kept him sick. kept him hungry. kept him tense and uncomfortable and angry on purpose. and was upfront abt it#(character growth<3) then yeah I think they could have had something v special together. together 4 ever <3#okay good ight
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IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT I 💥 HAVE 💥 BEEN 💥 💥 RESCUED 💥SAVEDB💥 SALVATIONED 💥 THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU legal guardians for leaving for aroun ten minutes so i could reach out and BE SAVED!!! SMALPIN IS!!! NOT GOING TO DIE TODAY!!! /GEN!!! RHAHAHSHSHHSHDGSGXZGZGZ /VPOS
#now i can elaborate#long story short my legal guardians have ALWAYS BEEN MY BIGGEST HATERS IN EVERYTHING EVER!!! NUMBER ONE BIGGEST!!!#maybe theyre just jealous (theyre not)#okay but today marked the day when they found out that i was still secretly (hush hush (fifteak mention (im insane))) enjoying life#byyyyy DRAWING!!!#YEAH 💥 THEY HATE THE FACT THAT I DRAW 💥💥💥 VERY HEARTBREAKING EMOTIONAL AT 3AM#buuuuut they found out i was still drawing after the 97104000th time they told me to give up#so their epic plan was!!! to force me!!! to delete everything!!! ever!!! right in front of them!!! with zero free will because i dont deserv#so that wasnt going so good (i was shaking the entire time (im genuinely surprised i wasnt sobbing but at the same time the last time i#cried for anything ever was when the first few minutes of tpot 16 happened to me but other than that i never cry for anything ever))#WHATEVER mobing on#out OF LUCK!!! they left for ten-ish minutes to COOK (I LOVE COOKING its too bad they the legal guardians made it SUCK)#ermmmmr emmmerrmmm uh#found out how to back up everything to the secret (hush hu) work tablet that i have before it was too late#so when they came back it LOOKS like they won BUT THEY DIDNT!!!#anywhooooo im on my cell phone again#uhhhhhhhhhh only problem is that i dont have most of my ibis paint files anymore#......that MIGHT be a problem ermmmm................uhhhh......#i guess its a-okay ⁉️⁉️⁉️ at least i have anything at all 😋 we're silly#but anyways DID YOU ENJOY THE SMAL LORE!!! smal lore drop make sure to like and subscribe /silly#and for everyone's information im A-OKAY NOW!!! /gen /silly im home alone right now anyways FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION!!!#jm not american i promise#smal's occasional talk show#WE ARE SO BALL
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Hello fellow Anharu believer!! I love the art sm thank you for sharing. It's such a rarepair so I'm always excited to talk about it!! 100% here for childhood friends with unrequited feelings. I also wholeheartedly believe they were each other's first kiss back when they were kids. Started with them just being competitive ("have you kissed anyone yet?" "have YOU?") and then it turned into a game of chicken and then haha oops.
REAL, ANON, REALLLLL !!!1!! !!1!1 !! !1!
anyway thank you for liking my art! its one of my faves so it makes me happy that people love it ^w^)//
also im glad my first ask is AnHaru of all things. i feel so blessed. seriously,, thank you very much for that anon, and for also telling me im not alone in this boat HAJKDGJFSKSFJL
oh and btw,
my hand slipped.
(i'll continue this in the near future i promi)
#asks#art#project sekai#pjsk#an shiraishi#haruka kiritani#anharu#haruan#CANT I REPEAT THE TAG???????#ANHARUANHARUANHARUANHARUANHARUAN#there.#i hope anharu explodes everytime i think of them#n e wei thanks again anon now i can sleep with good dreams!!!!#good anharu/haruan mornight (its 3am is why..)
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one thing I… dislike about the posts that’ve pitched Chappell Roan Muppets episode is that for some reason they all assume Miss Piggy is straight. I’ve seen posts like that three different times. And they all pair up Chappell Roan with Janice and yeah I like Janice too and there are only so many femme muppets, but like why can she be gay and Piggy can’t be? Honestly just writing it off the top of my head, my brain is going “fatphobia” but I don’t wanna say that cause I genuinely don’t think the people making these posts are putting like Deep Thought into these things. But it’s like. I see it.
#mupposts#NO HATE to the people who made those posts cause again#i don’t think they were thinking like that#but fatphobia is very ingrained into all of us#and a lot of people don’t do the work to unprogram their brains#and its also hard and a lot of work#geez now i’m thinking about an essay on how fat people are expected to conform to gender roles and Miss Piggy#I’m not wording it good cause it’s almost 3am and I’n stoned tho
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I want these hands to remember it... I want this place to remember... This should remember it as well 🪻❀°⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
a Polyphony is a type of musical texture consisting of two or more simultaneous lines of independent melody
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from Greek "πολύς" meaning "variety of sounds," from polyphōnos "having many sounds or voices".
#xavier x mc#xavier: silvery polyphony#xavier x black mc#lads xavier#lnds xavier#this was so romantic dude i have to step my dating game UP i have to take my man to the observatory while its snowing#get all dressed up put on an all white maybe 👀👀 cuz what am i supposed to do with all this romance in my system now except act on it??!#Xavier once again getting extra credit on the assignment 😭😭 like he can't even cook why is he serving#the screencaps don't capture the way that smile hits either#he sets mc up by letting her play and then is caught listening and smiling at her its so cute its adorable!#its doki doki its gyaaaa its all that dawg#otp:wishingonstars#otp: wishing on stars#I did not know what a polyphony was#and now I know its found in a lot of jazz music#imagine xavier and heaven trading skippidy paps at 3am#imagine xavier and heaven saying Skee-YE to each other at random intervals in the kitchen because he thinks it sounds like a loose note#Seiya x Heaven#Xavier x Heaven
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乌野学长 - 种果无果 (Fruitless) Translation
youtube
种果无果 - Fruitless
笑着 笑着
Smiling, smiling
你脸庞一闪而过
your face flashes past
忧伤 快乐
Sadness, joy
此刻全都粉碎了
all are crushed, in this moment
我的心去哪了
Where has my heart gone?
谁把它流放了
Who has exiled it?
为何你不再爱我
Why don't you love me anymore?
为何你转身忘了
Why have you turned your back and forgotten?
咬碎了 咬碎了
Crushed, crushed between your teeth
用真诚许的承诺
Those vows we made so sincerely
为何我抱头哭着
Why am I crying with my head in my hands?
任你有关击溃我
Anything tied to you could destroy me
浪费了 浪费着 大好年华的我
Wasted, wasting, the prime of my youth
你是我亲手种下的 我却用一生啊
You are the seed I planted myself, yet I am using my whole life
偿还着 偿还着 为何花��却无果
repaying, repaying, why do flowers bloom yet no fruits grow?
你是我亲手种下的 为何天意夭折
You are the seed I planted myself, yet why must our time be cut short?
天难应此劫难躲
The heavens won't listen, this disaster is inescapable
(suona interlude)
你是我亲手种下的 栽满了爱意的
You are the seed I planted myself, full to the brim with love
他们说 他们说 你定要好好的活
They say, they say, you must live on happily
你是连通我血液的 倾尽我此生的
You are connected by my blood, I would give my entire life
怎么会 怎么会 就任它甘心沦落
How could I, how could I, just let it end like this?
你是我亲手种下的 我却用一生啊
You are the seed I planted myself, yet I am using my whole life
偿还着 偿还着 为何花开却无果
repaying, repaying, why do flowers bloom yet no fruits grow?
你是我亲手种下的 为何天意夭折
You are the seed I planted myself, yet why must our time be cut short?
天难应此劫难躲
The heavens won't listen, this disaster is inescapable
你是我亲手种下的 栽满了爱意的
You are the seed I planted myself, full to the brim with love
他们说 他们说 你定要好好的活
They say, they say, you must live on happily
你是连通我血液的 倾尽我此生的
You are connected by my blood, I would give my entire life
怎么会 怎么会 就任它甘心沦落
How could I, how could I, just let it end like this?
#mandarin langblr#chinese langblr#cpop#cpop translation#translations i made#now do you see what i mean by. this song sounds like its about incest????????#also like i looked up the song on bb again today like now that its not 3am and im no longer in a haze of. database systems#cuz this does kind of feel like one of those tong tong/green tara type songs where its about such a weirdly specific emotion/imagery that#like i feel like the edits/animatics people would really love this one#uh. turns out a. theres less animatics than i thought actually#b. there is. so much 南北#like not even 司兜 which was what i was thinking like actual proper 南北#anyway after my 3am breakdown about this song last night im now realising that its actually very good for 2 of my ocs#*not incest. for the record. less illegal kind of weird going on#well not against the laws of man but definitely against the laws of nature. so somehow worse at the same time??#not sure what im gonna do about it tho like lord knows i already have too many animatic ideas#Youtube
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something something subkit comic where theyre babyspace and babykit and theyre having their lore accurate really gay mutual eye gauging
subspace gets splashed with the Gay Juice (spacepilled poisonmaxxing) and starts fucking screaming because hes Dissolving and That Shit Hurts and its IN HIS EYE SOCKET has anyone thought about that. ive thought about that. anyway,,, anyway
. and and. okay hear me out i think medkit was fucking enraged and terrified but there's only so much death rattle screaming you can hear come from a guy without feeling bad especially if you Have Morals (glares at subspace) so i think while yeah subspace started the fight and was being Fucking Weird and acting like he was goddamn possessed by the space gods or whatever drugs he was on
i think. i think medkit starts apologizing but like not because hes guilty (he is a little, but hes still fighting for his goddamn life out here and subspace is DISSOLVING) but the kind of apology you desperately throw at your sibling when the fights gotten too rough and now youre Going to get In Trouble in an attempt to save yourself. the self preservation sort of apology. the kind where you get down on your knees and hold them and you cant tell if you're sorry for yourself or sorry for the hurt you've caused but you've got to do something or else its going to get worse. its going to get worse and youve got to do something and the crystals are right there youve got to do something. the screaming hasn't stopped and you've got to do something. you have to make it better, medkit. thats what youre made for, isnt it?
and then when the screamings gone and the cryings over you dont know if any of it was worth it and if youre mad at yourself about it or not. but youve got to do something. and its fucking cold out here and hey is anyone else in this bitch feeling a bit tired cause i think my eyes are trying to convince me the snows gonna be a nice soft place to sleep.
wait, no. one eye. haha. forgot
#PLEASE IM IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN I CANT DO THIS THE LORE JUST GOT REWORKED AND AND AND#I GOT HERE LESS THAN A MONTH AGO HELP ME PLEASE LET ME OUT OF MY CAGE I HAVE A FAMILY A WIFE KIDS. MY SONS THEY NEED TO EAT#PLEASE#and also i think it all meant the world to subspace but thats just in my gay little mind and i will keep the subkit to#a healthy degree of seperation#no i wont#fucking help me im going to kms about this i think#im being fucking gutted onstage by my own mind isnt that just lovely#someone needs to take me out and i really hope its not going to be to dinner. ive got to be put down like a dog#um#phighting#this turned into a butchdykekekondraki-twigg-y coded ass post. ive been infected im insane i dont have enough religious trauma for this#my dash. its affected me (vocaloid reference)#ok ok im going now its 3am and youve already gotten to see my mindbrain crash out seventeen times consecutively so#i think your me-privledges are being revoked.#ciao#8communications
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Idk why there's disbelief over Mark S/Helly in terms of motivation. Helly is just as capable of cruelty and selfishness as Helena. They are at the core of it, the same person with different memories/experiences. They can be two perspectives worthy of indulging their own dreams and desires and also be the same person. Narratively here especially, this isn't about morality, it's about human nature.
Helly was never cruel, sure, of course. Helly felt like she was the same as the other people in MDR. But Helly has something right now that she never even achieved as Helena. Someone who loves her. Someone who is choosing her. Helly is Winning over Helena here.
Jame Eagen wanders down just to be a freak and reinforces the reality of it. Helly is "More" than Helena, hasn't been worn down by the weight of experience and the world (and their cult and corporate bullshit). She still has, in some way, the innocence of youth and lack of experience with the world. She doesn't have the same fears and burdens or triggers as Helena in her conscious experience. She still has the ability to express her passions and outrage and defend herself. And to love and not feel sorry for it.
Severance gave Helena a chance to exist without the learned perspectives and burdens of the Eagens and she is able to be free with herself and her passions and desires-- whereas Helena was likely drained of any dreams for potential beyond a strictly guided future decades ago.
Of course Helly is feeling a rush of joy and satisfaction over Mark loving her. Mark choosing her. She tried to do the "right thing" by being logical with Mark. "I'm her." Even outside of Lumon, if they bring it all down, there's no hope for an Eagen and an ex-severed employee in reality. In the Real World they will never be together. Mark couldn't love Helena, how could anyone love an Eagen? (Poor Helly really with like, the enemy is within etc, but that's kinda the situation framed by Lumon for everyone by setting the stage with your Innie isn't human kinda rhetoric.) (This was also reinforced by Helena trying to get close to Mark to see if he still had feelings or chemistry with her and finding out they were not going to work outside Lumon.)
What if the equator is a building that could be a continent? Can be their whole world? They're choosing to live Now. Together in the present despite knowing that with their half lives, they could be brought to an end at any moment. It's very willful young love of them. And why wouldn't it be? This is their First Love. They haven't even been "alive" that long or have any memory of romance beyond their current infatuation. They don't know the world or it's places, and maybe that's okay, maybe they can exist in this space so long as they have love and the others.
It's completely human for Helly to accept Mark choosing her. To run to him just to see him for maybe the last time. It's human for Mark S to run to Helly. It's human for poor Gemma, who doesn't even know her fucking husband is severed, to be pounding on the door.
But this is their Final Day to Mark and Helly. Maybe the very end of their world. It's Judgement Day. Of course they'd have them holding hands and running back to the unknown to face the end together. To die together.
There is also zero fucking chance Mark Scout would risk his life and brain continuing reintegration once his wife is back. Mark Scout is going to choose his wife. Mark is choosing Love on both sides here.
All of it is reasonable.
#this is true for all the innie/outie combos like#lets not forget theyre the same person. yes they are also separate and deserve to be respected in their experiences#in my mind theres a post credit scene of Devon dragging Gemma to a car and them driving to a secure location bc I can't live otherwise#unfortunately the severed floor is literally their world. has been all this time. all they know by design.#anyway. selfishness is so normal to the human experience and motivation. survival. love. growth#im going to be thinking about platos cave allegory stuff now actually. ough#anyway its 3am and this is all i can thnnk about#personal q#severance spoilers#read more bc mindless brain ramble got long#i love all the characters in this show I hope hope hope Gemma gets a focus in S3#i actually loved the reintegration bits but narratively it would change some of the themes more at this time#theyd have had to make full reintegration the only way for mark to save gemma to make it happen#i need gemma to get so much therapy and care. lumon better not touch her ever again im really so serious#im going to be emotionally devastated ny Mark turning for months#good news fucking up cold harbor probably means that whatever fuckery Jame had planned for Helena/Helly is probably also fucked#could you imagine tho if we actually get fresh 'severed' personas for them if Lumon abducts them all to a compound somewhere#if s3 starts like Just Another Day in the Office I'll scream#I'm starting to wonder if this whole draining the tempers experiment thing#is about being able to provide them for others as a rejuvenation thing now actually aha just from writing this#i think using Helly Wasnt Cruel to try to contain her character is very infantilizing like theyre not children they're striped of knowledge#and of experience#this is all very is love stored in memory or the soul etc. do the people in the cave want to leave the cave when the shadows on the wall ar#the only representation of reality they've ever known#this show is just like art/literaty analysis of themes its so pretty and tragic and terrible#severance#sorry added for the mutuals who dont need to see my taste in tv on my supposed gaming blog#idk a lot of this season was also helly spreading the concept of division from outie persona stuff which makes sense for her#but then getting to look back at gemma and see maybe an outie as a person etc too like. ough
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Waving Koneko off, Renzou plunged his hands into the warm inside of his pockets and sat down. He gave it a breath or two before tilting his head back and laughing. “You don’t gotta spy on me, you know.” He turned to face Light as he perched on the arm rest of the bench like an overgrown imp. “That’s kinda my job.”
Light cocked his head, shooting Renzou a smarmy grin. “And here I thought I was doing a pretty good job.”
Renzou shrugged and tilted his head back. The clouds were overcast today. The sun drifted low. He closed his eyes. “Shouldn’t you be botherin’ Bon or something?”
“Research requires a clear head.” Light hopped off the arm rest and circled around. His poncho fluttered with the breeze. He didn’t sit. “What better way to clear one’s head than some fresh air?”
“Bon gettin’ some fresh air too then?” Renzou gestured loosely above his head. “Or that only apply to you?”
The barking laugh he gave was nothing but delighted. “And here I thought spies weren’t capable of caring for their marks.”
He’s not my mark, Renzou thought. But Light likely already knew that. He hunched forward. “He’s my friend. Of course I care about him. I’d be a pretty shitty person if I didn’t.”
Light regarded him with a curious gaze. As though Renzou were some kind of creature trapped under a glass and zoomed in on under microscope. Renzou stared back, undaunted.
“I’ve asked around about you, Shima,” Light said, tone nothing but pleasant. “Life you’ve lived so far - this choice seems pretty outta the blue for a guy like you.”
Renzou didn’t answer.
“Ryuuji-“ Light gave an exaggerated sigh, flashing too many teeth for his next words to be any genuine concern. “You really hurt his feelings, kid.”
“I know.” It doesn’t bother me felt as clear as it was unspoken. He stood and shrugged. “His feelings are his feelings. Not much I can do about ‘em, yunno?”
Light took a step back, allowing Renzou to circle around him. “Why’d they really send you back, kid?”
Renzou glanced over his shoulder and grinned, easy as ever. “Just ‘cause we’re similar don’t mean we’re the same, Lightning.”
Another delighted bark of a laugh. Light’s eyes were full of mirth. “And here I was thinkin’ ya had no clue about yourself yet.” He gestured out to Renzou with undisclosed glee. “You keep surprising me!”
“I’m not a complete idiot,” Renzou said. “Figured it out long before I become a spy.” He flashed a wide grin. “Not that hard once you realize everyone else ain’t lying just for fun all the time.” He tips his head towards Light. “Must be nice being your way though.”
“It ain’t bad,” Light agreed. He eyed Renzou carefully. “But I can see why someone would rather go your way.” A brief lull as a bird crowed overhead. Then, “You’re still coping to shit, you know? Just ‘cause you’re being vague don’t mean you’re not admitting to anything.”
Renzou’s grin widened. “I’m a heartless bastard who lies for fun and doesn’t always totally understand why people care about one another.” He laughed. “That make it less vague for you?” He shook his head. “This ain’t a trap, Lightning. You’re not gonna go around telling people I’m broken.”
Light raised a brow. “I’m not?”
“You like experiments,” Renzou said easy. Light’s brow arched higher. “I’m an experiment. Besides. Only people you’ll hurt are the others. I’m fine with it. Don’t know how else to be.” At Light’s lack of response, Renzou snorted. “You think you’re the only who can ask around?”
“Nah.” Light shrugged. “Just surprised.”
“Was more interesting than homework, I’ll tell you that.”
“I bet.” Light’s easygoing face fell. “Who told you you were broken?”
Renzou just raised his hand over his head. “Have a nice one, Lightning.” As he walked backwards, he shot him double fingerguns. “Don’t work Bon too hard now! Otherwise he’ll get even more on my ass about not doing my homework.” He spun around on his heel and headed forward. “See ya!”
#me: time to go to bed#also me: spends an hour writing this while laying down instead of trying to sleep and now its 3am and i have to get up in 4 hours#OH WELL#renzou shima#lewin light#blue exorcist#aspd!shima#my writing#my fanfic#anyway i read from like chapter 120 onwards tonight and that was fun#final battle is very interesting so far. also shima blacking out and killing a bunch of bugs is 👀👀👀👀👀#wanna know more about that#idk how accurate this is. im still rolling these boys around in my head like unpolished marbles and slapping my own hcs on them#also again it is. 3am. and i should be sleeping lol#so good night good bye so on and so forth#happy talks blue exorcist
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