#and its seriously hampering my ability to get work done

[skyjynxart]

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[gffa]

ALL RIGHT THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG, BUT BEAR WITH ME.  I rewatched all of The Clone Wars recently and it was a great way to look at both the details of each episode and get a sense for the bigger arc, because I was watching them all at once, both The Wrong Jedi arc and the Protocol 66 arc, the latter of which I think is super important to the context of the former, especially because they are right next to each other in the course of the series. Here’s the thing that surprised me the most about this arc:  Ahsoka immediately didn’t trust anyone when she was framed.  She instantly went on the run instead, she never tried to contact any of the other Jedi, not the Council, not even her own Master.  She immediately ran and never put her trust in anyone else.  I don’t know that this was the narrative intention, I would almost put money on that it’s probably not, but sometimes in writing characters when you’re true to them and how they would react, unintentional themes will rear their heads and be just as important. Now, she’s not necessarily wrong to have done this, because we’ll see Fives does trust in the system and he’s murdered for it anyway.  Would Ahsoka have turned out the same?  Possibly, she’s definitely not wrong about the system being stacked against her.  But ultimately its not her own efforts that save her, but Anakin’s investigating as her Master.  Possibly not, she doesn’t have a chip in her head that leads straight to Order 66 and Darth Sidious himself making sure she absolutely has to die.  Oh, he wouldn’t have minded, but it wasn’t his direct goal. Ahsoka has a right to feel wary, because Anakin didn’t go visit her while she was in jail.  Anakin’s right, they absolutely would have used it against her, it would have made her look even more guilty, and he was trying to give her the absolute best shot possible.  This is almost assuredly the same exact reason the Jedi don’t go visit her after she’s expelled, because they do protest the entire way and a huge point is made about how she needs to get a fair trial, that the Senate is forcing them to expel her so that the Jedi won’t be accused of not taking this seriously, because they’re in a war and sedition/treason is an incredibly huge deal. And that’s also the thing--it’s easy to say that they should have stuck by Ahsoka (and I don’t disagree, they don’t disagree, they directly apologize to her for all of this!) but it’s still true that the Jedi were absolutely railroaded here.  They worked to keep this a Jedi matter, but Tarkin and the Senate said that it involved the deaths of clones and Republic citizens, so she had to face a Republic trial.  This is brought up like four separate times over the course of the arc, that the Jedi do not really have jurisdiction here.  (And, yes, they did try to keep her there--that’s the whole point of showing Tarkin forcibly strong-arming them and saying what they believe doesn’t matter.  That’s the whole point of Mace saying, “Let’s hope we can keep her here.”) This is also why the Protocol 66 arc is so important--Shaak Ti practically breaks her back trying to get Tup and Fives to the Jedi and she is roadblocked at almost every single turn or else plotted against behind her back to literally kidnap them away from her.  She argues that they have jurisdiction here as Generals in the war, but the Kaminoans argue right back that the clones belong to them, and then the Chancellor’s office gets involved and there’s even less chance to get them to the Jedi, because the Senate’s involved now and what they say goes more than anything. Further, these two arcs are important as bookends to each other in two really important ways: 1.  Each of them has a moment where the fugitive is finally caught.  Ahsoka dives down into the lower levels of Coruscant to evade capture.  Fives makes his case to Shaak Ti, who says she’ll take this seriously. They both ask a Jedi to trust them, but one turns himself over and one goes on the run.  Again, who’s to say if Ahsoka made the better choice, because she is the one who lives, but Fives was basically dead the moment he started looking into this, no matter what.  The point isn’t the outcome, but more that the Jedi don’t just throw him to the wolves, they fight to take this seriously and fight to find out the truth.

2.  The cases against Fives and Ahsoka have some really fascinating parallels in that they’re both accused of a murder they didn’t commit (against Letta, against the Supreme Chancellor) and there’s footage of them running/seemingly attacking others along the way. This is important because, if you strip away the context of what we, the audience knows, Ahsoka looks incredibly guilty. There’s footage of her apparently choking Letta to death.

She runs away from the Jedi from the moment she’s set-up, even not trusting her own Master.  She refuses to turn herself in or even contact them to tell them her side of things. There are dead clones in the path she takes out of the detention center, which appear to have been killed by a Force-wielder. She’s seen working and escaping with a known Separatist terrorist--because they have no way of knowing that Ventress has broken with the Separatists.  Ahsoka herself says, in this arc, that she never saw her and Ventress working together, showing that it’s pretty hard to believe even when you’re in the middle of it, much less from the outside!

Eventually, she’s found and captured, while in possession of the very nano-droids that were used to blow up Jackar Bowmani in the Jedi Temple. If you take out the context of us seeing Ahsoka’s reactions and how she put these pieces together (which no one else in universe would know), it isn’t just the frame job that makes her look guilty, but that her own actions contribute to the way this looks from a distance.  The evidence that piles up is really damning, that it’s not just one or two coincidental things, but an entire case against her! But they know Ahsoka, they have to know she couldn’t have gone to the dark side like that! And that’s why the beginning of this arc has a line that’s so easy to miss but it’s so important:

“There are many political idealists among us.”  “But a traitor?”  “I’m afraid one can eventually become the other.  Remember Count Dooku and General Krell.  That’s how they started too.” This has already happened before, that someone they thought they could trust turned out to be capable of terrible things.  This entire arc cannot exist without the context of knowing that there is a Jedi in the Temple right now who is betraying them, that if Barriss had been in Ahsoka’s position for all of this, it would be entirely possible that she would have acted the same way from an outsider point of view.  And how easy is it for us, even knowing that she absolutely is guilty, before we watched the end of this arc, to go, “But Barriss would never do that!  I cannot believe she would have fallen so far!” It also cannot exist without the context of another important thing--and this was a deliberate detail put into the episode, as Dave Filoni comments on in one of the featurettes for this arc, how they deliberately had Anakin chasing her, because it was a moment of foreshadowing for Darth Vader to be chasing a Jedi down. Darth Vader looms over this arc in a way that deepens the context.  Darth Vader, who is right there and the Jedi are trusting him, too.  Trusting him to be impartial when looking into whether a Jedi was behind the bombing.  Trusting him to be impartial when chasing after Ahsoka: Mace:  “I think it would be best if Skywalker stayed here. Having you involved may actually make things worse.” Anakin:  “Master Windu, with all due respect, she is my Padawan.” Mace:  “The reason for you not to go.” Obi-Wan:  “I think we're being foolish if we take Anakin off this mission. Who knows her better?” Mace:  “He's emotionally tied to her. Probably too emotional to do what needs to be done.” Anakin:  “I'd rather capture Ahsoka and find out the truth then let her run because of a lie.” Yoda:  “You must prove to us that you will stay focused. Can you?” Anakin:  “I've already alerted security on the lower levels to be on the lookout for Ahsoka.” Yoda:  “Go swiftly then, Skywalker, and bring back this lost child before it is too late.” The point is that it’s incredibly hard to know who to trust, it’s easy to say with an omniscient point of view of the entire story and 20/20 hindsight, but they have concrete examples of people who have betrayed their trust before, so it’s entirely reasonable for them to recognize that someone else may betray them, too.  That talking to them and showing that you’re willing to extend trust, that you’re willing to do this with a clear focus, is what gains their trust.  And, yeah, for all that the context of Darth Vader is hanging over this arc, it’s also true that they’re right to trust Anakin in this moment.  It’s his actions that save Ahsoka and bring the truth to light. As a fun bonus, this is all while the Force is so clouded with the dark side that Mace already said way back in Attack of the Clones, at the start of the war, that their ability to use the Force is diminished.  The psychic stress that must put on them (as people who can feel the entire weight of a planet on their minds), that the normal non-psychic stress of being in a war that there are too few of them and they’re dying in it is already pushing them to their limits, including that the dark side is hampering their ability to cut through the fog, it’s reasonable not to blindly trust people.  Baby Darth Vader being right there is a giant neon flashing light pointing to this. They want to treat Ahsoka fairly, but she isn’t giving them anything to work with, because she doesn’t trust them, either.  Which is why I keep coming back to that line she says when she leaves Anakin and the Jedi, her reason for doing it: “Why are you doing this?” “The Council didn't trust me, so how can I trust myself?”

Earlier, she says, “I don’t know who to trust!”  Then she begs Anakin to trust her.  And ultimately she doesn’t know if even she can do that.  Because trust is at the heart of this entire storyline. The opening quotes reflect this very nicely, too: 5.19 – Sometimes even the smallest doubt can shake the greatest belief. 5.18 – Courage begins by trusting oneself. 5.19 – Never become desperate enough to trust the untrustworthy. 5.20 – Never give up hope, no matter how dark things seem. An interesting note from one of the featurettes as well is that, originally, Ahsoka was going to rejoin the Jedi Order and that was going to be that.  They changed their minds because the opportunity to do something else with Ahsoka was more tempting.  Which says to me that this wasn’t an arc about exposing a fundamental eventuality, but instead about a far more complicated situation. Again, Ahsoka’s not entirely wrong or right in the way she goes about this.  We can’t say for certain what would have happened if she’d trusted other people, all we can say is that she didn’t trust any one when she ran, that ultimately that she doesn’t feel she can trust herself by the end of it and Anakin was the one who finally cleared her name, not her own efforts.  That she shows incredible fortitude for not giving in to the dark side, even when she was isolated. By the same token, the Jedi aren’t entirely right or wrong in the way they go about this.  I do think they should have visited her, even though Tarkin would almost assuredly have used it against Ahsoka to make her look guilty, but to say that they just abandoned her and never tried to help her, that they totally betrayed her when she was clearly so innocent, that they never even said sorry--that’s incorrect, too. Both sides were right and wrong.  It’s easy for us to feel for Ahsoka because we love her and her goodbye is incredibly heartbreaking, it’s so easy to trust her when we’re shown all the scenes of how this connects together and we see her reactions, that the story trusts us to let us in on her side of the events that happen.  It’s so easy because she feels very vulnerable and she was a victim of a really shitty situation.  It’s so easy because this is an incredibly harrowing experience for her and she stayed true to the light through it, through her own resilience. But stepping back from those feelings, hard as it was for me to do, let me see that Ahsoka failed in some important ways as well as that the Council failed in some important ways and that's why she herself decides that she needs to go figure herself out on her own, away from the Council and even away from Anakin, who was the one that always believed she was innocent and trusted her.  Because it wasn’t just about other people, it was about her and her own actions. I had all of this put together just from watching these two arcs, but then I started watching the story reels, including, “In Search of the Crystal” where Obi-Wan and Anakin have a conversation about Ahsoka leaving and Obi-Wan says, “I will grant you mistakes we made but she chose to leave.  Part of the Jedi way is not letting emotion cloud your better judgement.  And that's precisely what Ahsoka did. Even in her most critical moment.”

Not too long ago I was watching the featurette for “The Lawless” where Dave talked about Obi-Wan (more in the context of how he cannot embrace the dark side) and how the events were written to show that he’s a true Jedi, that he sticks to the bigger themes of Star Wars, which that’s how Dave sees Obi-Wan. I was reminded of that, in that Obi-Wan is, for all that we give him shit about the “from a certain point of view” line, actually a really reliable narrator when it comes to emotion and how it can cloud a Force-sensitive person’s mind. Obi-Wan’s right, especially because it’s pretty easy to make the inference that he’s one of the Council who voted in favor of Ahsoka, that he believed in her, even as he recognizes that her emotions clouded her judgement.  Even in her most critical moment. And when I went back to do my rewatch of The Clone Wars and these arcs, that became a lot clearer when I stepped back from my own emotional reactions to how much I love her and think she’s an incredible, good-hearted, kind, and compassionate person.  Because even the best of people can be both wrong and right at the same time.

[avoutput]

Mario Mario & Luigi Mario || Super Mario Bros.

The beginning of any quest has its starting pains. In the early 90’s, Hollywood set out to begin getting a cut of that sweet video game money. At the time, video games were mostly considered toys, and they were advertised as such. As the medium grew more adult, so did its films. Still, they had to begin somewhere, and why not with the biggest gaming property on the planet past and present: Super Mario Bros. This provided an unknowingly impossible challenge for creatives, one that is still a topic of intense discussion to this day. How does one balance the adaptation of a property from a completely different format into film? At the time, other films that looked similar to what Super Mario Bros would become had succeeded despite the challenges of adapting comics for film. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the first re-imagination of Batman since the 60’s went on to invigorate their respective properties. Today, comic book movie adaptations are the tent pole of every major movie studio. In the case of Super Mario Bros, despite its critical failure at the time, I honestly feel like the creatives succeeded. The ire this film would glean over time from both fans and the people behind the camera fuel its bad reception to this day. In my opinion, it is actually a success story in the world of video game adaptations, and a great place to start if you plan on watching every Hollywood attempt. I promise you this: it could be so much worse. And for later attempts, it was! But, does Super Mario Bros thwomp?

In my initial argument, I raised that these films should be broken down into categories including: Originality, Preservation, Construction, Delivery, and Fanservice. Originality and Preservation can be at complete odds with one another. In the case of Super Mario Bros, it turns out to be a good combination of both. They offset each other just enough to find a balance between the reality of our world and the fantasy of the mushroom kingdom. Sit back in your chair and imagine the real world of 1993, what films looked like back then, the landscape of video game culture. I think the creators had this very much in mind when they penned this movie. The very first thing that happens in the Super Mario Bros movie is the NES theme song with all the depth a stereo sound system can provide. It really sets your little gamer heart aflutter. It conjures up images of the brightly colored games. Using narration, they make promises of dinosaurs, meteors, and other dimensions. If you don’t think too hard, it kind of sounds like a version of Super Mario Bros that was advertised via the game manuals and cartoon show. If you are familiar with either, a pair of New York plumbers essentially get sucked down a drain pipe. This process is a little more drawn out in the film, but It turns out more or less exactly as good as could have been expected in 1993. In fact, the film really isn’t above sucking them down a drain pipe, they do crazier things, but I suspect that they wanted the plumbers to have a more direct conflict that would lead them to try and save princess Daisy.

The plot of the film is par for the course in a children's film and a direct consequence of the game itself, especially if you consider the 3rd entry. A good king and an evil military general, betrayals and coups, princesses sent to live in another realm only to return home with a pair of knights to dethrone the evil king. A tale as old as time, one that continues to be retold because it resonates with us. The filmmakers were really focused on this being a performance of realism meets fantasy This would come to be the major struggle that other video game movies would continue to have problems balancing. They took concepts from the game and gave them an original spin and most within the framework of the original work. Their creative license is often challenged for these choices, but in the context of making a live action Super Mario Bros movie in 1993, those challengers should check themselves. The real question you should ask yourself is, in this context, what would you have done differently? And would it really have been better? I struggled to find a way to truly make the concepts of this movie any MORE appealing, but it was surprisingly easy to make it worse. In one way, this film was a by the numbers kids adventure story, but it's being held to task mostly for failing to be a good adaptation of the game, a bar which didn’t exist when they made it, but one they set and cleared simply by attempting to do so much. All the Mario concepts are easily recognizable, which should be applauded, even in the face of them being a little wacky.

Despite its failings in authenticity, it actually packs quite a lot of fanservice into almost every frame. If you pay attention once they enter Bowser’s domain, the walls are littered with little ads and jokes all based on Mario properties. This is all in an effort to please fans, but the film does tend to leave these little things in the background, the camera more focused on the characters and plot, so blink and you miss them. If anything, this duty to fanservice seems somewhat creatively arresting. Had this film not been an adaptation of another work, they may have opted to skip a few things, like how Mario and Luigi employ the use of mushrooms. In the game, these would make the bros bigger, but this would have been a bit at odds with the backdrop of the grimmy New York City analogy they chose, not to mention technically difficult. People have been squashing miniatures for years, but I just don’t see this being a good use of the film’s time given every other decision. The film's overwhelming attempt to create entirely new flesh on the skeleton of an animated game is really only hampered by the audience's willingness to enjoy it for what it is, by questioning every creative decision. A lot of effort was taken to make the world feel cohesive, especially in its attempt to be parallel to existing New York City. They even take time on some more clever jokes that go somewhat unspoken. Everything in Bowser City runs on electricity, including the cars. The idea here is that fossil fuels do not exist because the dinosaurs of this world haven’t ever fossilized. Or maybe the dinosaurs knew it was bad for their planet? The film is constructed and delivered in such a way as to not take itself too seriously, but to appear parallel to something familiar to our own world in conjunction with the Super Mario world.

After having sat through the film with an earnest critical eye, I am not going to tell you the film is greater than the sum of its parts or that it's fantastic because it set out on an uncharted path. Instead, what I will attest to is that it was truly competent. It made every attempt to give you what you wanted and also took a few of their own twists on the formula. Bullet Bills turned into fuel for jumping, Bomb-oms wear Reeboks, shoes facilitate their ability to jump but also satisfy the boot you wear in Super Mario Bros 3. They even use the lightgun from the NES to navigate screens much like a mouse and the SNES super gun as a weapon! All this and still they found a way to make it all fit within the italian brothers from Brooklyn framing. Unfortunately, it would seem no one really learned anything from the success or the failures of this film. If the 90’s game films are any indication, the only thing they learned is that the box office is fickle and to double down on fan service even when it doesn't make sense, and in some cases, abandon everything about the game entirely and simply slap the name on a completely original film. And yet, despite all the bad press and internal struggles the Super Mario Bros production had, they came out the other end with an inoffensive, enjoyable film that both kids and adults can enjoy. Especially if they forgive the film any perceived sins, a gift that all film adaptations deserve, and just try to recognize what they really accomplished. Bringing to life a world that only existed in your Nintendo. It may not have been pretty, but damn if it wasn’t entertaining.

[darkmindsotome]

Tempting Thought

Fandom: Tears of Themis 

Pairing: Artem Wing x (non gender specific) MC

Word count: 1,783

Warning: Light angst, pining, lovesick.

Written by: darkmindsotome

Fantasies. Exploring the unknown through the ability to apply imagination to a situation or thought. The children around him growing up certainly had a firm hold on the idea and the ability to put it into practice. It was an ability he envied in a way. When others could escape using nothing but their imagination he could not without the aid of a book.

His mother had encouraged him to try to join in which he did, but found it hard. How were you supposed to play along with someone else’s game if they were the only ones able to see it? Eventually, she gave up and had to agree with his teachers when they said he showed no signs of childhood imagination.

It hampered his ability to bond with others slightly in early years but later on he found it easier to utilise his social skills on children that were older than him. The ones that had passed the age of playing games based solely in realms of non-reality.

Fantasy N. (pl. ies) 1. The faculty of inventing images, esp. extravagant or visionary ones. 2. A fanciful mental image; a daydream 3. A whimsical speculation 4. A fantastic invention or composition; a fantasia…

He was familiar with the term. It had been written in many of the pages he had seen over the years both in his beloved science fiction and in court. The fiction was always something glorified, it was pleasant. The reality of the court had fantasy as a basis for eliminating testimonies and claiming false evidence.

It wasn’t a big thing it certainly didn’t hold him back. So why now was he plagued with fantasy?

He was not oblivious to his attraction. It was something he was more than aware of, just had no experience in how to do anything about it. He thought he could be happy simply being near the object of his desire. Gaining precious minutes alone with them during a case or on a weekend when he finally worked up the nerve to invite them to see a movie.

A wonderful idea… until recently. The close proximity to them alone in the dark did reward him with what he thought he wanted. The chance to be alone with them. But it also gave him something he hadn’t predicted, fantasy.

The fantasy of what it might be like if he had less resolve. If he allowed his instincts to take over. How it would play out if they shared his feelings and allowed him to continue. Would their perfume wrap around him like a blanket and stain him in their scent or would he cover theirs instead?

Would the warmth he felt from them by just sitting next to each other in the dark become a burning fire, melting his moral compass and allowing him to finally show them the full force of his love?

This was something that had become a familiar issue when watching movies together. He frequently had to watch the movie before they even planned their nights in or out. Attempting to do otherwise resulted in a one-sided conversation where he had little to say. His minds focus had scattered far from the plot on the screen leaving him lost for opinion. He didn't want to ruin their private after-party Q&A session.

What started as a small thought developed into what others could call a deviant fantasy. He inwardly winced at the idea that Vyn might latch on to such a thing and make him the focus of some sort of therapy.

The issues on the weekend during private moments alone began seeping into work hours. He had always been aware of them and the little changes during work. How he seemed to be able to tell when it was laundry day by the familiar suit that showed itself once a week. When they changed their shoes because they had grown a half-inch taller.

Now those same things inspired new fantasies. The idea they might hurt their foot and require him to find a new pair of shoes to place on their feet. How when he lowered himself to rest at their feet, he might be the happiest he ever was if he looked up and saw them focused on only him. How that extra bit of height placed their lips at the perfect position for stealing a kiss.

Thoughts of that familiar suit ending up damaged and him coming to their aid supplying a perfectly tailored suit that proved how reliable he was. How he might be called upon to help with a stubborn zipper and be part of a heated office encounter as both their suits are turned into a crumpled heap on the floor.

It was a fantasy he knew to be far fetched as much as it made his heart race imagining it. He felt guilty, even though he would never act on such things without consent. He also knew imagining his work partner in such a way was inappropriate. He was caught between the devil on his shoulder pointing out and threatening to unlock all his hidden attraction and the angel on the other telling him to ignore all that. To focus on the pure feelings behind the fantasy, the desire to want to be with his partner. To be with them and cherish them. Not to continually act on the impulse to give in to carnal acts.

5:45 pm

The firm was only open until five and yet here they both still were. Cooped up in his office pouring over paperwork and details, polishing up their defence for a court hearing in the morning. It was quiet, the only noise in the room was their breathing and the sound of the clicking of keyboards and scratching of pens on paper.

He looked up from his desk and caught the sight of them diligently working. Their hands flipping through and reordering the papers at the workstation in his office. Their meticulous actions were mesmerising as he lost himself in the thought of those hands deftly working the knot of his tie loose. How they could nimbly travel the fabric of his shirt detaching the buttons exposing his skin to the lights in the room…

“Mr Wing was there anything else? … Mr Wing?”

Their question had him flustering and he only hoped his face was not on fire in the same way as the rest of his body. Seriously why develop an imagination now?

“No that is all. I looked at your report and marked a few areas for your attention moving forward.” He kept his voice calm and level even though his mouth was turning dry.

Removing themself from the sofa his partner happily came forward to collect the file. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, they had done this countless times in the past but right now he was acutely aware of every sway from their body. The click of shoes on the floor felt like a hammer in his chest.

“Thank you. I’ll get them corrected now.” Elegant fingers wrapped around the binder for the files plucking it from his desk.

“No. It’s late you should go home.” He didn’t want to see them leave but he wanted even less for them to see him like this. He was struggling to keep himself in check and cursing his own mind for its torturous fantasies.

“Alright… You should go home too. There’s nothing else to be done now, right? Just showing up to court and winning the case.” They tilted their head and their hair slipped away from their neck on one side. A beautifully bare path under thin cotton fabric laid out before his eyes from their ear to their shoulder.

Turning to his computer to avoid the dangerous path his mind was travelling he nodded in agreement. “Yes, I’ll be going after I send some emails.”

Satisfied with this they gave a smile that felt like it had sucked all the air from his lungs. Holding the file close to their chest they issued one last farewell and left. Their voice lingered in his ears as a feeling of loneliness washed over him.

Sighing he realised how laboured his breathing was. The collar of his shirt felt tight causing him to remove his tie and undo the top buttons of the shirt to gain some freedom. He took a mouthful of his now cold coffee. When making it he did so focusing on producing a bitter blend, an idea he had so he could use it to refocus his mind and suppress those troublesome fantasies.

“That’s enough now. No more foolishness.” He muttered to himself as he pushed aside the vivid imaginings that threatened to overwhelm him.

A knock on the door made him jump.

“Yes?”

The head of his partner appeared through the gap as the door opened. A sheepish look on their face as they failed to make complete eye contact.

“Sorry, Artem. Erm… are we still on for watching those old movies this weekend?” Their question was adorable and the uncertainty in their voice only endeared them to him more.

“We are unless you have other plans. Don’t force yourself to attend if-”

“Oh! No, I was just worried you might be too busy and forgotten. I’ll bring some snacks with me this time so you don’t have to cook. Bye!”

The whirlwind that was his love swept through his office and left just as quickly. Their concern that he had lost interest or forgotten their date felt impossible but was so like them. He shook his head and laughed. He really had it bad. To compound the issue and make it worse the one he liked was oblivious to his affection.

He thought about the ingredients sitting in his kitchen at home and how his plans to make something special were once more dashed by his partner’s thoughtfulness.

“One step forward three steps back…” His eyes fell on the book that had become something of a talisman to him since he had been given it. All its insight and helpful steps to acquiring love and making his feelings clear were so easily mapped out in its pages but in reality, it was not so easy. "If only everything could follow the plot of a book." He picked up the self-help guide to love and flipped it open at his bookmark. "Then again... if it were that simple could I really claim they are my chance encounter?" 

He leaned back into his desk chair the leather of it creaking under him as he began to read the next section of the book. How to plan the perfect confession.

---

[dorthyanndrarry]

The Liars Department -11-

tags: drarry, auror Harry, ministry employee Draco, oblivious Harry, Draco is an unrepentant flirt, and disillusionment there’s just so much disillusionment

suggested rating: T+

Part 1 (contains links to all parts) <– Part 10 || Part 12 -->

-

Robards stared at the paper in his hand.

Harry shifted his weight on the uncomfortable chair in front of Robbards desk. There was a clock in the room somewhere. Harry had never been able to figure out where it was, but he could always hear the soft tick-tick in the office when things got quiet.

Aside from the wall with the door, the Head Auror’s office walls were entirely built-in bookshelves. Harry could have imagined that once they would be filled with books, there still were on the shelves up by the ceiling, but the lower shelves had been repurposed for other uses. There were stacks of newspapers, piles of loose paper and several shelves were filled with file folders. On different shelves, pushed behind various detritus, Harry also spotted seven different mugs, two pairs of shoes, a couple award plaques and a sock.

“What is this?” Robards asked, setting the paper down on his desk.

Harry managed to pull himself away from the chaotic interest of the walls, “Its a form for a one week transfer to the Liar’s Department.”

“I can read, Potter,” Robards said, his patience already sounding strained, “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Going to work for the Liar’s Department for a week,” Harry said, unfazed. He had been too worked up last night, and the sun was rising by the time he finally drifted off. The lack of sleep was seriously hampering his ability to care.

“Think about how this will look,” Robards said.

“It will look like the Aurors are helping a new department they are going to be working with regularly get on their feet. After all, we all want to do a good job” Harry said.

“Your...dedication to the aurors is commendable, Potter, but I’m going to have to reject the transfer,” Robards said.

“You can’t, actually,” Harry said, “This is just a formality so that you know I haven’t skipped work. I’ve already filed a copy with Interdepartmental Services.”

“You’re needed here-”

“I’m not. We aren’t working on any urgent cases right now, and you have plenty of Aurors to take the strain if any new ones show up,” Harry said.

Robards’ jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth, “You can’t be playing around like this. Your career-”

“Is doing great,” Harry said with a smile fake as aspartame, “I’m the youngest Auror in the history of the department. Can’t imagine what I did to earn it but the pay raise is nice.”

“You’ve done plenty, you’re a hero, a credit to the uniform,” Robards said.

“Hm,” Harry said.

“This isn’t like you, Potter. You’re solid, dependable. You don’t fly off the handle like this,” Robards said.

Harry wanted to laugh, Robards really didn’t know him very well. Then again, Harry really had been a model auror for the last couple years. He stood up, “I need to get going, or I’ll be late for my new job. I’ll be back in seven working days, sir.”

-

-

Harry headed down to the storage hallway but Malfoy’s ‘office’ was just a storage closet again, filled with filing cabinets and no Malfoy to be found. He asked reception, but they also had no idea where the Liar’s Department had been relocated to. Apparently, they hadn’t been notified.

If Fart-taster thought he could hide the department, he was dead wrong. Harry went back down the narrow hallways, past the line of storage rooms and stopped in front of the door at the very end, knocking lightly and waiting until it was hesitantly opened and a house elf peeked out nervously.

“You’re not in trouble,” Harry said quickly, to head off any wailing and frantic apologies, “I need your help with something.”

“Helping with what?” The house elf said meekly, gripping the front of their pillowcase tightly.

“I’m looking for the Liars Department. It’s very new and has just been moved to a new office, but no one knows where it is.”

The house elf’s ears drooped, “Loopa doesn’t know.”

“Would you ask the others?” Harry said as gently as he could manage, “The new office would have needed a desk and chair… maybe a filing cabinet?”

“You will be waiting here, I will be asking,” Loopa the elf said, nervously closing the door again.

A couple minutes later, the door creaked open again, and Loopa peeked out,  “New office with Mr Malfoy in it?”

“Yeah,” Harry said a little surprised, “You know him?”

Loopa nodded, “All house elves have been hearing of Mr Malfoy. Mr Malfoy has office on level seven in back corner past gobbystones and big big big paper office. Do you need Loopa for other things?”

“Uh…No. Thank you,” Harry said and headed to the stairs, going up one level to seven, Department of Magical Games and Sports.

Half the floor was taken up by the chaos of the Quidditch League Headquarters, a large open room with long conference tables covered in different broom models and sets of quidditch balls. There were also four blackboards. Three of them were covered in little O’s and X’s moving along dotted lines in various quidditch plays. The other blackboard had the start of a meeting schedule, but it had been half scrubbed off for more game plans. Otherwise, the office was empty. Rumour was, the Quidditch League Headquarters didn’t start work until ten. But to be fair, they were usually still in their office late into the night arguing about rules and play regality and broom specs.

Harry walked past the tables to the offices in the back corner of the floor. Behind the door to the Official Gobstone Club, he could hear shouting, and mix of cursing and laughter as a game was played. The Ludiciuos Patent Office had big glass windows that took up most of the wall and showed and office mostly taken over by paper, stacks and stacks of paper. There were six desks, and all of them were occupied by very serious looking people poring over various patent applications and then referencing older patents, history books and newspapers, occasionally frowning in thought.

It was no wonder Lewis was trying to transfer somewhere else. The idea of working in that sort of office, always doing paperwork, always hunched over a desk, for the rest of his life, made Harry shudder. It was just not for him.

In the corner of the room, just like the house elf had said it would be, was a door with the same piece of spellotaped parchment from before stuck to it, looking a bit more crumpled from the move. Harry went to knock then decided not to, he was working here after all, and pushed open the door.

He caught a brief glimpse of Malfoy bent over something on his desk before he dragged a stack of magazines over it in a panic.

Then Malfoy looked up and instantly relaxed, “Oh. It’s you.”

A few pencils fell off the desk and rolled across the floor, Harry picked one up. It was blue, a blue coloured pencil. He gave Malfoy a curious look.

“I thought you were Suirup,” Malfoy said by way of explanation. The way he said Fart-taster’s name made it sound like syrup.

“He doesn’t approve of colouring on Ministry time?” Harry asked.

“He doesn’t approve of much of anything as far as I can tell,” Malfoy said.

Harry put the blue pencil back on the desk and nodded,  “That sounds about right.”

Malfoy’s new office was about twice the size of his last one, which was to say, still really fucking small, but at least you could open the door all the way. And Malfoy had got two more chairs, one in front of his desk and the other in front a much smaller desk in the corner.

Harry shifted his weight. He thought he probably ought to sit, but felt weirdly nervous about it.

“Move!”

Harry jumped to the side, nearly banging into the door frame. He looked back where he had been, then down at a house elf wearing what looked like a child's ballerina costume, including bright pink tutu. She gave Harry an absolutely scathing glare as he went over to the desk, cardboard drinks carrier in hand. There was a massive cup and a small one, which she gave to Malfoy, taking the cup the size of her head back to the little desk in the corner.

“Is that all coffee?” Malfoy asked, “You’re going to throw up if you have that much.”

“Then Asbestos will find somewhere interesting to throw up,” the house elf-

Harry blinked, “Asbestos?”

Malfoy nodded, “She picked it out herself.”

“As-bes-tos,” Asbestos said carefully, “Nice to say. Feels nice.”

Harry frowned, “But isn’t that the-”

“It’s a lovely name,” Malfoy interrupted, his tone was light, but there was a warning look in his eye. “Asbestos, this is Auror Potter.”

“Pah. Don’t care,” Asbestos said.

Harry blinked.

Malfoy snorted.

“So she- So Asi is one of your elves?” Harry asked.

“Asbestos. Not Asi,” Asbestos said impatiently, “And Asbestos is not Mr Malfoy’s.”

Malfoy was grinning, which made Harry want to sigh.

“I took your comments to heart yesterday and hired Asbestos on as my secretary. She can side-along me to distant locations send me messages from the office while I’m out,” Malfoy said, pleased as punch.

“I mean, hired is a bit much when you own her,” Harry said sourly.

“Asbestos is own elf, Potter-man,” Asbestos said sharply. “Not owned by anyone but self.”

“...You’re a free elf?” Harry asked.

“Asbestos is secretary elf, which is better than house elf that has to clean dirty pants,” Asbestos said.

Harry looked at Malfoy in the faintest chance he could explain what was going on.

“All the manor’s house elves are free,” Malfoy said.

“What?” Harry said, wobbling as the world shifted beneath his feet.

“Sit down, Auror Potter. Don’t you know it’s rude to loom about where everyone else is seated?” Malfoy said, “And it makes you look daft.”

Harry sat, too bewildered to retort.

(to be continued in the next part)

-

♥ Next update will be tuesday noonish pst ♥ 

♥  Tags below  ♥  (I don’t have a permanent tags list. All tags are of the wonderful people who left messages on the previous part.)

💜 @contemporarydiva nepotism ho! except Harry doesn’t want it, the boy wants to earn it 💜 💜 💜 

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💜 @freakybb2 thank you!💜

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💜 @hardrockhippie too true 💜

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💜 @addicted-to-w0rds sooo much chaos 💜

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[thiswasinevitableid]

hello! Not sure if you’re still taking winter prompt requests, but 34 seems like it has strong NSFW OT4 potential :o)

Here you go! It is indeed NSFW

34. we’re stuck together on a group project and everyone is tired and frustrated so you suggest we take a break and build a snowman 

There are lots of things Joseph likes about attending UWV Kepler. For starters, it’s one of the oldest schools on the Interplanetary University System, meaning he’s surrounded by students from Earth and its sister planet, Sylvain. The first gate between the two worlds appeared in Kepler, giving the whole area an air of mystery that he relishes. And, at the start of the summer, the cute Sylph in his lit class asked him out. 

Barclay is soft spoken, an amazing cook, and part of a whole community of Sylphs who live on Earth full-time. Sometimes, when they’re cuddled up watching the X-Files or he’s helping Barclay in the kitchen, he looks at the other man and is awestruck that he’s chosen Stern as his boyfriend. 

As much as he loves being at school, it has downsides. For instance, while the spring semester on Sylvain uses more experiential means of testing students, the fall semester on earth ends in finals weeks, just like high school did. He’s good at tests, so while they’re a pain he doesn’t hate them. Projects don’t often bother him, but when they’re group projects he gets flashbacks to his junior year of high-school and develops a sort of pre-emptive anger at the people he knows wont pull their weight. 

The final project for his Community Development class started off well. Barclay was in the class with him, and is one of his partners. The other two in the group are Duck and Indrid, another Sylph/human romance, and in the midst of their first planning session Indrid let it slip that he and Barclay hooked up during the Sylph equivalent of high school. Duck was wholly unbothered, though that may be more to do with him being even-keel in general, and Joseph got a little distracted imagining the two of them together. 

Between his organizational skills, Duck’s environmental knowledge, Indrid’s knack for art, and Barclay’s ability to incorporate different elements, their plan for the hypothetical sustainable community center on Sylvain was chugging along. Even if Duck and Indrid kept cuddling up or stealing kisses whenever they could. It’s just a little much, in that it makes Joseph wonder what it’d be like to be between them, Indrid’s wiry frame wrapped around his back while that wide smile pressed into Joseph’s neck while Duck gave him that crooked grin and pushed his legs apart with strong hands…

Focus. He needs to focus. 

Because they have been trying to put it all together for two hours straight and have made no progress.

“...just think this bit is gonna read as convoluted. What do you think babe?” Barclay points his pen at the section in question.

“We could probably do without it.”

“Maybe” Duck pulls up the directions for the fortieth time, “I’m worried if we over-edit we’re gonna fuck up section five on the rubric. I still don’t know what he means by those last two bullet points.”

“Not sure reading them over yet again will reveal anything new.” Joseph rubs his forehead, “Indrid, what do you think.”

No reply, just a scratching pencil. 

“Indrid?”

“Earth to ‘Drid.” Duck nudges his boyfriend, who abruptly shakes his head. 

“Apologies, I got caught up in a future. How can I help?”

“Does this need to be cut?” Even Barclay sounds on edge.

“...maybe.”

“‘Drid!”

“It does not strike me as having a large impact on the grade either way.”

“Someone please just make a decision.” Barclay groans. 

“Hold on” Duck leans back to look out the window, “it ain’t snowin as hard. So, here’s what I’m thinkin; how about we take a break and get some fresh air. All four of us.” He looks pointedly at Stern, “seriously Joe, you been outside in the last two weeks?”

“Only to get from point A to point B.”

“C’mon” the shorter man hops up, heading for his coat, “last one out has to make the next pot of coffee.”

Soon they’re tromping across the lawn near Indrid’s house; because he’s a seer, the silver-haired man is in high demand by universities, governments, and businesses, which resulted in one paying his tuition and another for his house. 

“I have to do a stint as court seer anyway, I may as well take advantage of it.” Had been his explanation the first time he showed them the building, so at odds with his unkempt appearance that Joseph wondered if it was a practical joke. 

He still has no idea what kind of Sylph Indrid is, as he keeps a human form at all times. Barclay also leans that direction, but when he’d offered to show Joseph his Sylph form and Joseph practically jumped for joy before, during, and after the reveal, he became more comfortable wandering around as Bigfoot (“a bigfoot, babe”) at home. 

Indrid pauses mid-stride, turning to Duck, “An excellent idea, love.”

“Gotta let me say it first, sugar.”

“Apologies” Indrid kisses his cheek. 

“The snow ain’t turned to horrible slush yet, so: who wants to build a snowman?”

Twenty minutes later, they’re standing before a six foot tall snowman. It’s very well engineered, if he does say so himself. 

“Wonder if we can get it higher.” Duck contemplates the structure. 

Barclay winks at Joseph, slipping off his bracelet and rolling up another ball.

“Hell yeah!” Duck whoops and Indrid claps with an appreciative chirp.

“I’m going out on a limb and saying we’ve maxed out height.” Joseph shields his eyes as the snow falls in larger clumps. 

A wide grin cuts across Indrid’s face, “Not necessarily. Allow me.”

He hands his glasses to Duck and Joseph gasps; standing before them is creature coated in black and grey speckled feathers, save for his arms that are a smooth, dark grey chitin. Feathery antennae and glowing red eyes complete the picture.

“Holy shit.” 

Indrid trills, seemingly pleased by Josephs awe, and gathers a ball of snow before flapping into the air. 

“Ta-dah!” He bows, still flapping, having brought their sculpture to what must be closing in on nine feet. 

“It look a little rickety to you?” Duck whispers to Joseph.

Barclay, yelling over the sudden burst of strong wind, calls, “Indrid? You might wanna land buddy.”

“I suppose you’re--oh damn it.” 

The storm picks up, sending the top layer of the snowman straight onto Indrid, knocking him the rest of the way to the ground. 

“Fuck” Duck moves faster than Joseph’s ever seen “you okay ‘Drid?”

“C-cold, b-but otherwise f-fine.”

“Thank fuck.” With that Duck wheezes, shaking with laughter, “you shoulda seen your face.”

Indrid snickers, then sneezes. Which they all take as a sign to head inside. Having been the last one out the door means Barclay goes to start coffee, while Duck steps away to call his friend Juno to be certain she has a safe way of getting back to their shared apartment in the storm. Which leaves Joseph to be the one helping a very damp mothman dry off. 

“Why not just take your human form?” He scrubs the fantasy wicking towel along Indrid’s back.

“It would probably let me dry faster, you’re right. But I’m nervous that water droplets would stay in the feather somehow and freeze, which is unpleasant.” When Joseph finishes his head and back the Sylph poofs up, then  shakes his feathers back down. 

“That got a great deal of it, thank you. I can do my inner wings, if you’d rather go warm up.”

“It’s alright, I’m happy to help. Same motion?” He takes up position by Indrid’s extended right leg as the Sylph spreads his wings.

“Yes. Ah, be careful towards the innermost fourth. They’re sensitive.”

He nods, sets to work. As he glides the towel over the eye-spot, he murmurs, “I’m amazed you keep this form hidden.”

“It tends to alarm people.”

“Even Duck?”

A small laugh, “Only the first time, because he wasn’t expecting it. And I turned up at his window to warn him about a fire that was about to start in the dormitory.” 

“I think you look incredible.” The sincerity in his tone registers at the same instant their physical closeness does.

Indrid smiles, “So you do share Duck’s proclivities.”

“I, um, I’m not sure what you mean” He busies himself cleaning.

“You are attracted to me.” Indrid replies, folding both sets of hands in his lap. Startled, Joseph moves his hand too far in and Indrid chirps, higher than normal. 

“I’m sorry!”

“It’s alright, as I said they’re sensitive, but that does not mean they’re painful to touch.” The smile tinges with mischief and Joseph is ready to toss the rag aside and ask Indrid to let him put his fingers there when a drawl comes from the doorway. 

“Makes an even better sound if you play with his antenna.” Duck pushes off the doorframe, sauntering over as red eyes stay locked on him, “see?”

Indrid trills as Duck rubs the tip of one antennae between his thumb and finger. 

“Careful, sweet one, don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“You’re one to talk.”

Joseph doesn't know if he wants to take Indrid’s place or Duck’s, just that he’s wringing the towel so tight it’s tearing. 

“Coffees ready.” Barclay pokes his head in, chuckles, “or do you two need me to put it in hold until you’re done fucking in front of my boyfriend.”

“We would do no such thing without permission. Yours and his.” The way Indrid says it, as if Joseph is merely something can give or revoke access to, makes him cross his legs in a hopeless attempt to turn himself off. 

“Joseph?” Barclay’s voice is gentle as he joins him on the floor, “it’s up to you, babe. I’m happy to get my hands on some feathers again while you get your hands on those two but, uh, if you don’t want to or, uh, or need time-”

“I…”

Duck, blushing, sticks his hands in his front pockets, “Sorry, didn’t mean to come on too strong, was tryin to flirt a little-”

“Yes.” Joseph tosses the towel into the laundry hamper, “yes, I want this, you, all off you, oh my lord I haven’t been this turned on before. And that’s saying something” he turns to Barclay with a smile and gets a kiss in return, beard scratching his skin as the other man trails his lips down his neck. 

“That worked out nicelEEEEH, ohohyes” Indrid leans against Duck as the human plays with his antenna. Joseph crawls forward, eager to get his hands on Indrid’s wings, only for a clawed hand to come palm-up towards him. 

“Ah-ah, I didn’t give you permission to touch me, pet.”

He moans, hears Barclay growl, pleased, as Indrid chuckles. 

“Goodness, Barclay, you didn’t say he was that submissive.” Clawtips rest under his chin as Indrid keeps him in place. 

“Hold up, you two been comparin notes on fuckin humans?” Duck raises an eyebrow as Indrid nods, unashamed and Barclay goes bright pink. 

“Oh yeah? What’ve you been sayin about me, sugar?” He teases, tugging on the antenna. Indrid releases Sterns face and growls, pivoting onto his knees to trap Duck against the wall.

“That you are the finest, most accommodating human in either world and you make such lovely sounds when I bite you.”

“Sounds about right.” Duck kisses Indrid’s forehead, “but if you wanna see how Joe stacks up, I ain’t gonna complain. Long as I get a turn with him too.” He looks past Indrid to Joseph, “been wantin to know what you look like under the whole buttoned-up nerd thing.”

“No time like the present.” Joseph pulls his sweater off, grumbles as he remembers the shirt beneath it has buttons. As he undoes them, Indrid cocks his head. 

“I have an idea. Duck, remove your pants and underwear and whatever else you see fit. Barclay, stay clothed for now. Joseph, take everything else off.”

“I’m working on it.” 

“Then work faster, pet. I’ve been wanting to do this since you first touched my wings. Ah, there we are.” He purrs as Joseph kicks his boxer briefs away, “come sit in my lap.”

He does as he’s told, sighing as feathers tickle and caress his skin, “this form is even better from this angle.”

Indrid chirps softly, tongue darting out to lick his cheek as he closes his wings around him, “there will be ample time to explore it later, I promise. Right now, there is something that requires your attention.”

“OHmylord” his fingers sink into Indrid’s chest feathers as something thin and undulating teases between his legs. Two more appendages join it, one the same size and one thicker.

“To answer the question you’re about to ask, the shape has various, ah, biological functions.”

“And means you can get fucked more’n one way at a time.” Duck chimes in with what is obviously a happy memory. 

“Very true. However, for your first time, I think you can be a good boy and take the whole thing.” 

“FUCKohmyfuckinggod.” Down comes loose in his fingers as all three tendrils thrust inside him at once, twining into a single, ridged form that wastes no time in fucking as deep as it can manage. 

“Good boy.” Indrid tips his head back, purring louder, before turning his attention to Barclay, “Enjoying the show, sunburst?” The Sylph term of endearment gets a pleased rumble in reply, and Joseph steals a glance behind him to see his boyfriend palming himself through his jeans. 

“You know it, gorgeous. Seems like Duck is too.”

“Hell fuckin yeah I am.” Duck is rubbing his dick, the sight making Joseph lick his lips.

“Such an eager little human, my sweet.” Indrid glances at his boyfriend, “I think that deserves a reward.” He grips Josephs jaw with an upper hand, forcing his lips apart and his face up, “come and get it.”

Joseph moans, wiggling his hips as Duck’s two hands replace Indrid’s one. 

“Fuck, you look so goddamn good like this Joe.” He strokes his cheek, cock temptingly close.

“I don’t know, the view fromAH god, from down here is great.” He kisses Duck’s thigh, relishing the sweet smile the compliment gets him. 

“Gonna look even better in a sec. Now” he shoves his head forward, “suck my dick, pretty boy.”

He whines against slick skin, brings the hand keeping him balanced up and around to grope Duck’s ass. He loves the shape of it, and will tell the other man as much the moment his mouth is free. 

“Barclay, come here dearest” Indrid’s lower hands remain on his hips, but the upper two lift to do something he  can’t discern until there’s a zip of metal and an appreciative trill. 

“Yeah, you like the look of it little moth? Ohfuck, Indrid, baby, fuck that feels good.” A wet, rythmic sound suggests Indrid is blowing him, but when Joseph turns to look Duck jerks him back, fingers tightening in his hair. 

“Uhuh, ‘Drid gave you to me as a reward, so you’r gonna fuckin focus until I cum. Fuckin christ, wanna see just how good you look when I cum on your face, pretty boy. Nnn, fuck, bet your mouth feels even more amazin when your cummin. ‘Drid?”

“‘On ‘oment” 

A high, sharp chirp echoes through the room and Joseph can see Barclay’s hand from the corner of his eye, jerking up and down near the base of Indrid’s antennae. 

“Yeah, fuckyeah, Indrid, that’s it, fuck, can’t believe you’re lettin me cum on your feathers, god it’s gonna look so good, fuck, fuck, yeah.” Drops of cum hit the back of his next as Barclay howgrowlpurrs, Indrid’s tongue-tied reply sounding pleased with itself. 

A thud as his boyfriend drops to the floor, “Fucking-A, forgot how fast I cum from that.”

“It’s very gratifying. As for you, sweet little pet” all his claws dig into Josephs skin, the delicious pain sending whimpers up his throat, “I believe it’s time I made you cum.”

He yelps, muffled, as Indrid fucks him roughly, one tendril slipping out stroke his dick.

“Here, let me help.” Four thick fingers push in and he whines, Barclay kissing his shoulder and still letting out little growls of effort. 

“How’s that, my sweet?”

“So fuckin good, goddamn Joe, you feel fuckin perfect when you scream, heh, someone’s got a praise kink” he smirks as Joseph grabs him harder at the word ‘perfect.’

“C’mon babe, take it, you wanted all of us, remember?”

“Oh, I’m certain he does. And he’s going to feel it in the morning, I’ll make sure of that.” The tendrils still inside him curve just right and he cums, clinging to Duck’s legs as it ripples through him. Barclay pulls his fingers back, but Indrid continues fucking him, thrusts turning short and erratic as Duck grinds into his mouth. The other human cums with a groan and a string of curse words, stroking Josephs hair as he finishes. 

There’s a trill and Indrid’s wings flex, sending Duck stumbling backwards and Joseph pitching against the Sylph’s chest as he spills into him. It takes longer than usual, even accounting for the times it’s been with Barclay in his Sylph form. Just as some it drips out and down his thighs, there’s a final pulse and then the tendrils retract.

“Mmmmmmm” Indrid closes his arms and wings around him, “that was spectacular, pet.”

“Goddamn, came so hard I can’t feel my legs. You okay, Barclay?” Ducks fingers appear under Indrid’s...armpits? Wingpits? He’ll have to ask later.

“Uhuh.” A scuff as his boyfriend cuddles up with them. 

“......wait, we don’t need that section, we cover the rubric points Duck’s worried about in our ‘considerations’ portion.” Joseph sits up.

Duck guffaws, Indrid gives an amused tilt of the head, and Barclay leans over Indrid’s wing to kiss Joseph on the cheek. 

“What? Post orgasm clarity is a documented phenomenon.”

“We can fix it soon.” Indrid rubs his face, “I for one need to bathe, and given the storm will only intensify overnight and leave you all stuck here, we have ample time to fix it.” He flutters his wings shyly, “would anyone like to join me?”

An hour later they’re all clean and dry, the project is at a stopping point, and Barclay’s made fancy coffee for three of them and eggnog for Indrid. They settle in on Indrid’s nest of a bed to watch T.V, Duck in Indrid’s lap and the Sylphs wing draped over Barclay and Joseph. The weather outside chills and darkens the world, but as he nestles against soft feathers and warm fur, Duck’s hand in his, he’s got plenty of love to keep him warm. 

[steakook]

not a house but a home

Pairing: boyfriend!Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Domestic Fluff, Angst, very very light Smut if you squint

A/N: feeling all kinds of soft for the babie after his “Never Not” cover. This was supposed to be a Drabble but, as always, jungkook takes my heart further ༼;´༎ຶ.̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨.̸̸̨̨۝ ༎ຶ༽ . Enjoy!

///

“Babe?”

I let out an unintelligible response. My toothbrush is still buzzing in my mouth, for God’s sake. Jungkook takes it as a sign to continue.

“Can you please please PLEASE clean your side of the bathroom?” He says pleadingly with puppy dog eyes but also a hint of seriousness. He means business today.. of all days, Monday.

“SDFGHHH!!! DFYJKGGJK” I let out.

“I know it’s morning and I know you’re grumpy but PLEASE I can’t keep looking at this mess.”

I spit out into my sink. As I’m doing so I look at the cocktail of toiletries that litters my side of the vanity. 5 different Bobbi brown lip tints strewn about. Several makeup brushes and palettes clutter the white marble. Multiple face washes, moisturizes, and various other skincare products I’ve been sold by the deceptive Sephora employees, 83% of which I don’t use. Hair. Hair everywhere. I can’t help it, with hair like this I can’t just empty my comb every single day.

“I have no idea what you’re referring to.” I say to my beautiful and unfortunately meticulous boyfriend with a smirk.

He heaved a loaded sigh.

“Baaaaaabe.”

Here we go.

“I can’t look at this every morning!! How can you have your side so messy and still be able to operate throughout the day clearly?! Being organized brings peace to one’s life.”

Oh God I don’t remember putting something up his ass last night and leaving it there. I giggle in my head. I need to save that joke for later.

“You know, if I knew you’d be this messy, I would’ve just stayed at the dorms. Living with you is basically as bad as living with them.” Jungkook says, no trace of playfulness in his voice.

“Oh really? The same? Y’all giving each other cuddles?? Y’all sucking each other’s dicks?! Hmm??”

Ok in all honesty i really shouldn’t start a fight this early in the morning let alone week. But he knows how grumpy I am in the mornings. Not only do I have to wake up and ungodly hour (7am is ungodly for some of us, okay?), but I naturally hate being forced out of my comfy bed cuddling with my exorbitantly organized but very hot boyfriend.

I look at him. He has an incredulous look in his eyes. We’ve had this fight multiple times since moving in with each other 6 months ago. To be quite frank, there have been more growing pains than happy moments. I started realizing my organized chaos choice of living deeply contrasted jungkook’s need to put everything in its place and if it can be alphabetized, all the better. I’m annoyed and so is he.

“Are you serious? Can’t you do this ONE thing for me? One thing that will significantly improve not only mine but your life as well? I swear it’s amazing how much you accomplish at work when you practically do nothing at home.”

Oh. Wasn’t expecting that.

He must see the change in playfulness in my face, immediately regretting his words.

“Babe I’m sor-“

“Don’t worry about it. I have to finish getting ready. I have a big presentation to present to the Japanese stockholders this afternoon regarding our globalization plan.... I mean, hopefully i don’t fuck it up seeing as how I live my life in such a clusterfuck it’s a wonder how i get things done there. Right, jungkook?”

I don’t wait for him to answer as i leave our shared bathroom but he just continues to stand there. I hit him low too.

Living together has put quite a strain on our relationship because we haven’t really found that symbiotic rhythm yet. To be honest, I kick ass and take names in the board room but I’ve never found myself to be very... well... domestic at home. Jungkook, on the other hand, not only is good at every chore. He is amazing. he has a neurotic obsession with making sure laundry never overflows in the hamper, dishes are always clean and the sink is empty, and making sure dust never accumulates. I swear to God. For someone who is an international kpop sensation, how does he have time to keep our house looking so great everyday.

This is a quality of his I worship. His never ending never endingness. There is always work to be done, this can always be cleaner, that can always be done today not tomorrow. Me, on the other hand, I wear two hats. There is the Business Y/N who has an MBA and literally climbed her way up the corporate ladder. Queen of making deals and making grown men cry around the world. I have a 401k. I know. Amazing. But outside of that, I’ve always been Party, easy going Y/N. My job already requires me to be ruthless yet charismatic AND strategic everyday, I don’t need to bring that elsewhere.

If I hadn’t had the second hat, I don’t think I would have ever met jungkook. We met at a random awards show I was attending for fun with some friends, my close friend from B-school scoring us tickets within the artists’ seating. We’ve been inseparable ever since.

I’ve always envied kook for his ability to be at the forefront in everything in his life. From his career, to his multitude of sports and hobbies, to taking care of his homestead. He’s more serious and cares more about little things than I think he purposely lets on. We are yin and yang. opposites attract, yes, but can they actually coexist?

It’s been a long day when i get home at 10pm. Funny enough, both our schedules are so hectic but perfectly align with his late dance practices and my evening calls to Belgium.

Our golden doodle puppy greets me.

“Matcha!!!!!! How are you my love???” She showers me with kisses. Oh how lovely this is after a particularly shitty day.

I turn into the tv room and see him laying there icing his knee. He looks gorgeous. Even now, barefaced and in a hoodie that’s three times his should-be size and basketball shorts, watching the 6th season of nartuto. (For the 7th time).

We look at each other waiting for one to break. It’s always been like this. What more could you expect from two highly-competitive and maybe a bit self-righteous individuals? Maybe we are more similar than we are different.

“Hi baby.” I cave.

The hard look on his face softens. He puts his guard down, relieved we won’t have to fight. I go over and lay down next to him making sure i don’t hit his knee. He wraps me in his large arms and I feel a glow of comfort. He smells like fresh laundry. (Which is probably accurate since he made sure to do a load today before heading to the studio.. someone say ANAL RETENTIVE with me!!)

“You smell so nice.” He is soft. No, he is softness personified. As much of a tough, stubborn Virgo as he is, he is a ball of pudding when it comes to after work moments like these. He tucks his nose into my hair. And kisses me absentmindedly.

“About this morning-“ He starts. But I cut him off.

“No, no. I’m sorry. I know it’s been hard living together with our opposing..... lifestyle choices” he snorts. “But I know you’ve had to bend to me more than I’ve had to bend to you. And for that I’m sincerely sorry. I haven’t made nearly as much of an effort to make this work. But the change has been hard for me. I’ve never had to live with a boy let alone share a bathroom with one. And not only that, I had always imagined I WOULD BE THE CLEANER ONE.” He chuckles quietly and plants some chaste kisses on my temples.

“Babe, no. I know. You’re still adjusting. But I need to apologize too. I didn’t mean what I said earlier but i just get so frustrated sometimes! You’re hard headed and I am too. But still I shouldn’t have said those things I’ve said about you not being great at your job. Your ferocity is one of the reasons i love you. It’s also extremely hot.”

I smile and look up into those big brown doe eyes and I melt. How could he look so good after practicing the whole day? And how could he be so patient and loving to someone like me? Messy and unorganized.

“I love you. So much. I don’t deserve to be with someone like you. You’re amazing at everything it’s so damn frustrating sometimes. Not only do you devote your life to an occupation that require so much of you, you also still make time to take care of us, this place. I’m sorry I don’t make things easy.”

“Y/N. You may be frustratingly messy. I don’t understand how one person can produce so much goddamn hair at once to be quite honest. You shed more than Matcha. But being with you is easy. You make life easy. You give me easiness when so so so many other things in this life are so hard and time consuming. So many people want so much from me and I want to be the person they need. But when I’m with you, it doesn’t feel like work. It’s easiness in its purest sense. Even though you don’t clean up your shit.”

I giggle.

“But even then, i wouldn’t trade this for anything else.”

I kiss him chastely and he holds my chin up for better access. We kiss like this for a while before he swipes his tongue against my lip asking for permission. Though he doesn’t need any. The kiss escalated into something deeper. Hotter. He licks into my mouth and I feel heat stir in my stomach. Fuck.

He uses his arms already wrapped around me to place me on top of him. Ice bag long forgotten on the floor. We make out passionately as if our lives depend on it. I put my hand to the back of his neck and run through his gorgeous thick chocolate hair. So lush.

I find myself straddling his waist and grind my core against his half hard-on. He moans.

“Fuck..”

I grind harder with intention and fill fires of lust consume me. Holy fucking shit. It always feels like the first time. He puts his hands on my thighs gripping them and forcing me to go harder onto his dick.

After a few minutes he sits up, lips still connected and lifts me up. I smirk into the kiss already knowing where this is going. He carries me along the marbled tile hallway to our bedroom and throws me on the bed. He strips himself of his hoodie.

“You know... you’ve been quite disobedient to me, Y/N. I think it’s time to put you in your place.” He says sternly. God, he has never looked more hot.

///

A/N: thank you so much for reading!!!! Hopefully you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. This is my first fic so please let me know if you liked it! 

Lots of love.

-M

[reversemoon255]

Fifth Review: Kishiryu Sentai Ryusoulger

Controversial take: I think this is a good series. Not the best, but certainly not bad. And there are some people who read that and question what I'm talking about because they either love the series or think it's terrible. Well, for the first half of this series' run, most of the people I talked to did not like this series, to the point that I stopped talking to people about it. Now, I didn't stop because I thought their opinions were invalid, or because I was mad, but because hearing all that criticism was negatively impacting my opinions. I'd come off episodes feeling good, listen to what other people were saying, and suddenly my opinion would lessen. Ryusoulger does have some issues, but I feel like they were ballooned out of proportion to the point that the shadow they cast prevented people from seeing some very positive things this series had to offer.

The Good: This is a very trope heavy series, with both the goods and bads that come with that. And that does make sense, as this series was supposed to be a ratings grab season to bring in new fans. I know we all enjoy when Sentai breaks its standard tropes, but you have to establish what your tropes are before you can break them. And this checks all the boxes: having Red and the sixth getting the most focus, Red getting power-ups, big robot combinations, (Dino Sentai specific) having an important character die. It doesn't stray very far from the typical formula. But that's ok. Part of the reason we like Sentai is because we like the tropes, and to criticize the series for sticking to its foundation means you have an issue with Sentai as a whole, not Ryusoulger.

The series itself was also structured to help draw in new fans, which seemed to rub some people the wrong way. Episode one was extremely bombastic, with a few decent humorous and dramatic moments, and some over the top fighting. Following that, the first half plus of the show was very episodic, with not a lot of connecting elements. This was probably done to not alienate new viewers and make it feel like they could come in at any episode without missing much. The second half of the show had more connecting plots, like Gaisorg, Pricious, and Heras, to reward people who had stuck with the show and raise the stakes moving into the final acts. While I do prefer more threads and build-up, especially early on, I can appreciate what the writers were trying to do.

And Ryusoulger had a decent cast, if a little underdeveloped because of the aforementioned Red/Six trope. I'm not a big fan of Koh. He's fine when it comes to the goofier episodes, but he was hard to take seriously. Still like him more than Daigo. Melto felt like he might make a better Red, as he was a serious character whose nature easily lead him to being the butt of a joke. His relationship with Oto was actually cute and funny. I normally don't like the "legal loli" trope, but as everyone was far older than they appeared it helped to underplay that issue for me. Asuna had a lot of good moments throughout the season (being the first Pink since TimePink to defeat an enemy general) and had a great actress, but suffers from being the only female Ranger. In my opinion it's always better to write at least two female Rangers since it forces the writers to give them distinct personalities. When you only have one, like in Asuna's case, you normally end up with "girl in a boys show." Yes, she has quirks, like a bottomless stomach and super strength, but quirks a personality does not make. Towa is probably the least developed character, but felt like he had a lot more planned for him (like how he was able to summon Haya Soul's power without a RyuSoul in the final episode). Bamba is a darling, and I love him. The episode where we meet his ex-girlfriend says it all: a tough but kind man who has become better through his interactions with the other Ryusoulgers. I also don't like Canalo that much. His personality feels very responsive to the fact that Toei seems to be trying to subtly push having kids as a good thing to help with Japan's population crisis (which is much more evident in Precure if you pay attention to the fairy designs in recent years), and the fact that said higher-ups seemed to force retconned straight relationships on possibly gay characters over the last three season (which I think is more to do with the population agenda than anything else as Chocolate Macaroons is very much a canon thing). It just feels like he was written that way as a jab from the writers at the Toei big wigs (meaning he's purposefully annoying).

The design work in this series is also excellent. While I would have liked a little more armor on the main costumes, like shoulder pads, the armor given by the RyuSouls was nice, the villain and monster designs were great (as were their personalities, I just don't want to make this longer than need be), and the Megazords had much sleeker designs that allowed for a lot more movement (which seems to be carrying over to Kiramager). I also love the designs of the Kishiryu. Giving them a fossilized look helps set them apart from the dinosaurs that have preceded them, as well as helps with the ever shifting issues of how much feathering any particular species had. They also get huge credit from me as a toy guy for the amount of interplay and non-robot combining present within them. SpinoThunder, Pteramigo, CosmoRaptor, there were a lot of Kishiryu that could combine into other dinosaurs.

Episode to episode, as that's how most of the show was, was hit or miss. I typically loved anything that heavily features Tyramigo (as he was also a great character). Thankfully nothing was as bad as Pitch Cock from Lupin. As for ongoing plots, the Gaisorg plot had a few hiccups, but lead to a good death scene, a cool looking power-up, and some lasting impact on Koh. Pricious, after s/he showed up, easily demonstrated themself as a force to be reckoned with, and the pressure s/he put on the other generals lead to some great moments from the villain cast. The Heras plot had some neat twists to it, but I wish the ending resolved with Heras admitting that she was wrong before her death (since the current generation had overcome the long-standing feud between the two RyuSoul Tribes and had shown willingness to work with the Druidons, both things she criticized them for).

The last thing I'll go into is themes, as Life and Death were two very prevalent themes that were the focus of some of the best episodes. They went full ham on the downsides of the extended life of the RyuSoul Tribe, such as the episode where we meet Bamba's 60-70 year-old ex-girlfriend or the episode where another member of the Tribe wants to commit suicide because she's outlived too many people she's loved. The episodes with Shine and ShadowRaptor were probably my favorite, particularly the parts with Ui and her mom. It felt like a better version of what they tried to do with Kotaro in Kyuranger (which was, coincidentally, my favorite episode of that season).

The Bad: I already brought up a few issues. Focusing on Koh and Canalo isn't bad, but focusing on them too much negatively impacted everyone else's development until the last 10ish episodes of the show. Bamba got a decent amount because he had a backstory, but Towa got almost none and Asuna got little outside "team's girl." Going into power-ups, that is again not inherently a bad thing, but how you use them can be. This was a big issue I had with Lupinranger, as that series focused on two teams, but one of them stopped getting power-ups half-way through the show. Power-ups can be a physical representation of a character's growth, and if only Koh is getting them that means only he is growing. Bamba, Asuna, and Melto all eventually got to use one, but Towa wasn't seen using one until the second-to-last episode.

The Kishiryu are an offshoot of this problem. Koh essentially owns every Kishiryu outside the ones everyone started with. Furthermore, the Kishiryu were designed to be modular, but that was severely underutilized. There were no interesting combinations after they gained access to Five Knights outside of the final episode. Kishiryu-Oh's ability to move his parts around for specific attacks isn't seen outside the first few episodes. There was so much more they could do that they didn't. And I understand that part of that is costume design and budget, but you shouldn't bring forth that idea of modularity if you're not going to use it.

Then there's the aforementioned death scene, which, while I like it, highlights some of the issues with pushing all your plot threads to the end of the show. There were some writing hiccups involving Gaisorg and his relationship with the Druidons. In the death scene itself, it happens the episode immediately after they break the curse of the Gaisorg armor. There is no time to build up Nada's relationships, how grateful he is, how his dynamic might shake up Koh's with Melto or Bamba or Canalo; he's gone before any of that. And it's by a one-off villain. What should have happened, in my opinion, is Nada should have lived through that fight, proven his worth to the team, and then in the following episode died to Pricious. It would still be quick, but it would increased Pricious' threat level, given Nada more time with the team, and might have helped how they tried to nerf Max RyuSoul the episode after it premiered.

Overall, Ryusoulger is a popcorn series; one that is easy to pick up and watch, but isn't something that will blow your mind and you'll be talking about for years to come. It's a good show that is hampered by some sizable issues, but those issues serve as a benefit for the series as a whole and aim to keep it on the air for years to come. If we have to sit through a Ryusoulger every couple of years, I don't have a problem with that. It's not the best, but I still had fun.

[chemicalmagecraft]

Foresight is 20/20 Chapter 8

Feb 17

Decided to keep a journal for stuff I'd rather not forget. And maybe for some sort of journal entry interlude or something?

Feb 19

Got the stuff for Gaara's seal today. Also got some other stuff too, but I'm going to be working on my demon gem project for the next two months or so, so I probably won't be looking over those until after fixing Gaara. Probably bad form to work on more than one other project at a time...

Checked the Inner Demon Calming Seal Kazekage sent me. Regulator's working fine, so it was lack of actual use that caused it to absorb more red chakra. I'd say it filled the other seal up about sixty percent at three times the absorbed chakra, so I should need about two more. Assuming nobody screws up any of the seals. Might end up needing to siphon some chakra from Gaara.

Talked with Kurama. Apparently the issue is less with Gaara's seal and more with Shukaku's aggressiveness and chakra control. Apparently Shukaku has the most control out of any of the biju on account of having one tail. And he also trains his chakra control or something? So that's gonna be a nightmare. Probably gonna need to make a self-repairing seal. Maybe different modes?

Feb 24

FINALLY! I finally got my hacked senjutsu almost working! I might not be able to use it in a non-sneak attack fight, but at least I don't have to wait an hour to do stuff with it. Plus I shouldn't have to wait at all to assimilate singular insects into the incomplete demon gem, at least if I wait a bit between uses at first. Now I just need to get a massive amount of bugs to sacrifice. Why didn't they use animals for philosopher stones in FMA? They have souls and people already slaughter cows. Actually could I use animals for the Edo Tensei sacrifice? It already reshapes the body... Should ask Kurama the rules on that. Where was I?

Right, I should probably actually start working on Gaara's seal. I was kind of paid in advance...

Feb 25

If I don't get some help with this I'm going to start to hate fuinjutsu and that would be bad. How else am I going to learn how to teleport? I don't think that the Shoraigan bends space-time that much...

Right, Kurama's willing to help. And judging from how Ai was able to keep up with me when I was telling her how to do the Inventory Hotbar Seal and even offered suggestions whereas Tenko lost us immediately, she might just be a good addition to Seal Team. And her being on Seal Team might inspire Tenten and Naruto to learn fuinjutsu...

On another note, apparently I can use animals for Edo Tensei, but only if what I'm trying to bring back is the same species and I change the formula to work for that animal. Dang.

Feb 26

Seal Team is go, baby! Plus, while I was there I managed to get Naruto to join Tenten in training chakra control by telling him I felt like it could be useful in the future then giving him an over-exaggerated wink. It's almost like he thought I could see the future somehow. Weird. Why would he think that?

Mar 1

Seal team is great. We've started work on a seal to isolate Shukaku from Gaara without hampering his powers.

And speaking of powers, my other project is going well too. I got Neji to join in with bug-collecting, so the demon gem is going real well. Though I did have to drain the demon sage chakra in the Demon Sage Seal on my body to a tag so I wouldn't turn into a fox. It'd be cool if I could reverse it, but alas. The second stage symptoms of crystallization and/or petrification were also a little scary. I mean, it's cool when I do it to my enemies/victims, but not on me.

Mar 9

Got another tag from Kazekage. Useful data.

Eighty percent.

Mar 14

Completed first demon gem. Hopefully the next one will be faster. The bugs keep coming to it. Almost like they're drawn to the natural energy.

Mar 18

We're done with the general structure of the seal. Will begin testing soon.

Starting on making a demon sage tag for Ai. This will be fun.

Mar 23

Seal still in progress. Looking good though.

Got another from Kazekage. Seal complete. Beginning integration.

Mar 24

Integration complete. Took longer than I thought.

Now I just have to figure out how to use it.

Apr 1

I͚͙̦̰ ͖̹a̕m̢̞̐̕͢ ̷͟b͍̬̙͕̯͉͉͈ͣ̿̓̎̑ͩ̚̚ẹ̯̠̙̼͕̯̟̭̪̃ͦ̒ͫ̎͐͋̈́͛͐ć͔͓͔̝̱̺̞̇ͬ͋̈ͩ̓o̸͗̋̆̑̊͆́̋̅ͦ̀҉͚͎͕̗̥̻͚̼̻̱̻m̤̝͉̫͔̭̰̗̣̥ͧ͑ͦ͋̔̈ͨͮͭ̃̇͜ͅe ̝̜ͩͧD̬͉̯̭̭̹̬̖͍̹̜̮͇͕̩e̩̼͓͙̩̖̝a̴҉̜͉̭̲̤ť̷̠̙͇͍̦̺̘̰̹͙͕̜̋̋͛̄̽ͬ̾̿̓́̚h̰̹͔͖͕͙̪̥͕̯,̥̫̱̖̝̳̠͉͐ͤ̈́ͥ̓̐̎͆͘ ̵̤̫̠͎̹̯̳̮̖̱͟d͎̬̥́͞͡e̢̊ͦ̍̔̔͗̈́ͭ͌̉ͫ̆̎s̶̢̱̺̗̦͓̻̈̈ͪͯͩͮ̀tͦ͆̀̾̃ͧ̾ͯ́̑҉̷̣̰̬̰̘̜͓͙͕́ͅr͞҉͚͝o̱̺̲̩̰͔̫̲̩̠͈̊̎ͤ͑̎̋̂ͨ̄ͤ̋̚ͅȳ͇͚̣͍̜̞̭̤̠ͩ͒ͬ̔ͥ̅̑͒è̢̙͍̻͖͖̣̗̞̥͍̕ͅŗ̵͋͒ ̶̭̼͎̤̰̗̦̥̬͕̖̕o̵̳̯̻͓͎͔̍ͯͦͩ̿ͫf͇̪̪̉͛̍ ̢̡͖͚͇̪̦̹͇̿́̅͗͋̃͂ͬ͠ͅw̱̜͍͍̩̲͔͚̱̮͒̓͐̊̽͆̊͌̅͆͘͟o͈̙̩r̢̡̦̙̙͎̭̘̘̤͚̦̭͔̐̃͌͗̓̃ͭͫ̿̽̂̄͟l̸̋̈́̒̂̌̎ͥ̚̕d̛͞͏̻͚͕̱̠͉͈̺̤̻̠̞͔͍ş̸̦̱̤͙͔̣̼̮̮̜͂ͤ̒ͨ̾͒͑̊̿ͦͨ́ͅ.͎̩̭̫̣̏͛̽̚̚͞

That was murder on my wrist... Happy April Fools!

Right, so that was because I figured out how to use magnet release with red chakra. Can't do much with it yet, but I can use it. I'm floating a senbon as I write this!

Apr 2

Tried to reason with Shukaku. Never doing that again. On the plus side I confirmed that I can use any source of red chakra of the biju I've acquired to extend my telepathic range.

Apr 3

Second demon gem almost done. I also think I realized how Power of the White Snake works. From what it does to its users, it seems like it takes advantage of natural energy overload, much like how the demon gems work. Probably why Kabuto was so sure only White Snake Sages could use Muki Tensei.

Lightbulb.

Apr 7

Gem done. Idea works. Fun times.

Apr 11

The seal is done. Well, as done as it can be without looking over Gaara.

Talked to Hokage. Kazekage's sending over an escort. Well, I did it two days ago because I foresaw needing to talk to the Hokage about having the Kazekage send over an escort. Future vision is fun.

kukukuku~

A twenty-something-year-old Baki walked into the office of the Hokage. For it was he who was given the honor to help escort this enigmatic master of fuinjutsu from their home of Konohagakure no Sato to his home village to fix the seal of the jinchuriki. Just two months ago, this mystery had offered their services through the Hokage and added in a seemingly miraculous seal for a temporary measure that could have even worked as a permanent solution. All they asked for was a few jutsu in return. Baki had practically jumped at the opportunity to see just what kind of person this seal master was when the Kazekage had offered him the mission. "I am here to accept my mission, Hokage-sama," he said with a bow. "Where is the one I am to escort to my village?"

The Hokage sighed. "He's... behind you..." He seemed to be slightly annoyed by what he said.

Baki turned around to see that a small child in almost all white, with a short-sleeved shirt and shorts, plus white arm and leg warmers for some reason, had appeared from the shadows behind him. The only two articles of clothing that weren't white were a pair of red crystal "earrings" that seemed to have no connecting point to his ears and were just floating under the earlobes, without even having holes for them, and sunglasses perched on the child's long, curly brown hair. "Sup," I said. By the way, that's me. I was describing me. "Your name is Baki, right?"

He just stared at me for a bit, face completely unchanged, before turning back to Saru and saying, "No, seriously."

The Hokage sighed again. "I know, but he is indeed the one you are looking for."

Baki slowly turned back to face me. "Aren't you... a little young to be a seal master?"

I internally laughed at the opportunity to make the joke. "Yes, yes I am."

"How?"

I shrugged. "I'd like to think that I'm a genius, but honestly about half of it is just the fact that I don't need to sleep every day and I only really socialize with my friends about as many days as I sleep."

He stared at me. "Are you okay?"

"I said I don't need to sleep, not that I don't sleep." I traced a finger over one of my eye markings and prepared to give the explanation we'd prepared for my other Kekkei Genkai powers for those not in the know. "Kekkei Genkai-type mutation, Nocturne." Just because the power's a fabrication doesn't mean it can't have a classy name. Plus it's listed as that in non-classified documents. "Imagine the legendary stamina of the Uzumaki, but with the mind instead of the body. I also have slightly increased sensitivity to light, which is why I have the glasses, and the ability to generate light from the white dots under my eyes. It makes nighttime studying easy and sleeping any more than one out of four days a waste of time."

Baki took that in for a moment. "Not a power that seems readily useful in battle, but the things I could accomplish with just one night a week..."

I nodded. "And because of my special interest in biju and some other factors, I am perhaps the one human who knows the most about that particular subject, which includes their sealing. Hyuuga Kouki."

"A pleasure. I was told that there was a shinobi from here that will be joining us?"

"He's almost here," I confirmed.

The door burst open, permitting a green-wearing young adult. "I AM HERE!" he exclaimed.

"Maito Gai," I introduced. "He might look and act like a total weirdo, but he's probably the best taijutsu user in Konoha. Thanks for protecting me, Maito-san."

He gave me his trademark twinkly-smile-and-thumbs-up and said, "Please, just call me Gai!" He turned to Baki. "And that goes for you too, my comrade from Suna!"

"Nice to meet you, I'm Baki," the man replied after a moment of confusion.

Saru cleared his throat. "Right, Baki and Gai. Your mission is to escort Kouki-kun here to Sunagakure so he can perform services he has promised to the Kazekage, and escort him back when he is done. While Baki must defer to Kazekage-sama while in his village, you are to ensure that no harm befalls Kouki-kun. Good luck."

kukukuku~

I held on to my parasol as tight as possible as Gai jumped from tree to tree with me on his back. What? It's not like I can keep up with two adult ninja... "If you don't mind me asking, Hyuuga-san, have you looked over the jutsu scrolls Kazekage-sama sent you?" Baki asked me. "I know most of them, so I will be able to answer any questions you should have about them."

"First, I'm fine with you calling me Kouki." Honestly being called 'Hyuuga-san' felt really weird... "Second, I was only comfortable taking on one other project while I was working on Gaara's problem because it wasn't just for me, and I'd already picked up a pretty massive project." I pulled one of the scrolls from my seals. "I've got them on me, though."

"How did you do that?" he asked.

"Seal master."

"Ah. Do you at least have prior experience in wind release?" he asked me. I replied by raising a finger and flashing a Dragon Claw. "That's impressive. That jutsu looks like it'll translate well to some of the jutsu in the scrolls." We talked about the wind jutsu in the scrolls and some other wind release-related stuff, though I wasn't able to put much of my new knowledge into practice because of my awkward position riding on Gai's back. Most of the jutsu were of the cutting type, but there were also a few of the strike and gust types. Those are my own terms for them, by the way. They weren't sorted into any type or anything. It was all pretty enlightening, though, and I managed to test out an idea for a wind release jutsu that I'd had for a while. And sheared a branch off a tree we were passing by.

After a while, though, I felt something in our path. "Stop." I said. Apparently we were getting close to Kaze no Kuni at that point, so the trees were getting more sparse. Gai dropped to the ground to let me off, with Baki following his lead despite not having a Kouki to drop off. I'd offered to make him one so he wouldn't feel left out, but for some reason he didn't want it. Said it was creepy or something. So anyway, after I dropped off of Gai, I said, "So just to clarify, if we meet and get attacked by bandits they're probably going to have to die, right?"

"Why do you want to know that?" Baki asked me suspiciously.

"Hey, you guys!" a rough-looking man holding a chokuto that looked suspiciously like Sasuke's said after popping out from behind a tree. "You're gonna have to pay a toll if you wanna get through here!"

Baki and Gai started to move, but I raised my hand in that in 'stop' command. "What happens if we don't?" I asked evenly.

He laughed and four other men with various weapons emerged from the scenery and they all walked closer to us. Within my throwing range, at least. "Well then we're gonna have to kill you, little man. You may be a kid, but we don't really care all that much, do we boys?"

One of the bandits, a bit of a dopey-looking guy holding a spear, raised his hand and said, "Actually, I kinda do. Feels a little wrong."

The leader sighed loudly. "Well the rest of us ain't little chickens. Right, boys?" The boys in question all gave some kind of affirmation and in the same breath mocked the spear-wielder. "Fuck off, Takehiko. We'll handle this." Takehiko walked off dejectedly, though he hid behind a tree. Loyalty, I guess. "Right, so we might let you off easy if you give us those fancy little earrings you have there. They might fetch a pretty penny."

"You can't expect him to just give them up!" Gai shouted. I shrugged, took them off, and tossed them at the bandits. They landed on the ground near them. "Why!?" Gai asked.

I smirked and made a totally superfluous half ram seal. "False Sage Art: Akuma Tensei," I intoned. The ground around the demon gems shifted and softened, making the bandits sink in slightly. The softened ground rose up, further engulfing the bandits as the mounds of earth reshaped into blob monsters. "That's why."

"Hah!" the leader chortled. "You wouldn't be lookin' so smug if you didn't have these freaky monsters on your side! Let me out and face me like a man! No cheap tricks!"

I gave him a flat look. "First, not that you'd know, but the jutsu I'm using on you involves the use of yin-yang release, red chakra, and sage chakra. That's like three-fourths of what the repertoire of the Sage of Six Paths was at the height of his power. That 'cheap trick' is the culmination of months of hard work and is an A-rank jutsu at least. Second, you are asking a small child to fight you on equal footing. You realize this, right?"

"Yeah! I'll kill you!"

I sighed and snapped my fingers. The earth shifted so that the man was ejected from the monster. "You do realize that you're gonna die, right?" I asked as I shifted my glasses onto my eyes. He started charging at me, but his sword swing hit air. "That's not going to work," I told him from his side, wisps of red chakra curling off of my body. I took a moment to smile at the sight. I was pretty sure that me radiating was the first step of forming a tailed cloak, which was awesome.

He tried to punch me in the face, but I effortlessly dodged again, reaching his back. I struck him with a single pseudo-Juken strike to the Gate of Pain. I am a Hyuuga, after all. He dropped his sword and hunched over in pain from the corrosive effects of the chakra that I just pumped directly into one of his eight inner gates. And of course, he collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut a few moments later when the damage spread to his spinal cord or something. "Right, so that's why you don't fight someone confirmed to have red chakra unless you're jonin or higher," I commented as I cut off the red chakra and lifted my sunglasses, timing it so that my eyes changed back to normal the moment after my eyes were visible. "What's the verdict on killing again, Baki?"

He took a few moments to remember that oh yeah, I asked him a question. "They'd have to die eventually. If you can't do it, I'm fine taking them out for you."

"Thanks, but that won't be necessary," I said, then made an ox seal, calming my mind to try and not freak out about what I was about to do. "I probably won't be able to get this much raw material again for a while." I took a moment to look over their memories to see if they really deserved to die. Disgusted by what I saw, I continued, drawing natural energy into the red chakra within the leader's body while also ordering the demon gems to convert the others. All three of them, much like the hundreds of insects before them, compressed in on themselves and turned into red crystal, though when they were they looked more like they were going through Orochimaru's Curse Seal transformation instead of a second stage chakra cloak.

When the process was done, all three of them had turned into three demon gems each. With a mental command, all nine floated over to me, taking their weapons with them. I sealed the chokuto, kama, and axe the bandits had wielded away and placed one gem each under each of my arm and leg warmers, one each under my sleeves and pant legs, then placed the ninth back on my sternum. Finally, I put the magical earrings back 'on' my ears. "And I suggest you quit this life before something like that happens to you," I said in the general direction of that one Takehiko guy. He bravely ran away away like a brave Sir Robin.

"Was... was that how you made the other two?" Baki asked me nervously.

I shrugged and licked my lips. "Yes and no. I used almost exclusively insects to make them. But I do need live animals of to make demon sage cores." I looked up at the dusky sky. "If you two are tired we could stop for the night."

kukukuku~

I licked my lips as I lightly warmed my marshmallow over the fire. S'mores are amazing. Baki stared at me in bewilderment. "Why..." he started to ask before trailing off.

"Hmm?" I asked. One of the owls on my shoulder hooted. "Are you referring to my fine, feathery friends?"

"Yes, why are there birds roosting on you?"

I patted one of the owls on the head with my free hand. It hooted comfortably. "I don't really know why, but it seems like birds and other animals are attracted to sage chakra, which is in my demon gems."

"I suppose that that makes sense. So what was that you said about having the powers of the Sage of Six Paths?" Baki asked.

"Technically yes, but on paper only," I explained, then unsealed the other ingredients of the s'more. "Saying that I have the power of the Sage is like saying a genin has the power of the Raikage because he knows one lightning jutsu." I thought for a moment as I took a bite of my s'more. "Actually," I said after I swallowed, "it's more like saying I was like whatever Kage-level ninja is best known for wind release back a month or so ago when I only knew two weak wind jutsu solely based on my ability to use a basic, home-brewed wind jutsu or two."

"The fact that you have developed that ability, even as weak as it is, is amazing!" Gai said, giving me a thumbs-up.

"Thanks," I said and gave him a little smile. "Hey, I don't suppose you could give me some pointers about taijutsu?" I asked.

"Your youthful power is already impressive for one of your age. I'm not sure what I could tell you to improve your abilities."

I sighed. "That's only if I use a draining power boost. Without it, I'm only barely stronger than your average little kid." I grinned. "Plus, I'm pretty sure it's multiplicative and not additive. If I up my base abilities, then the power-up will be way more effective."

He grinned. "In that case I will teach you what you need to know to have the power of your youth explode!" We then proceeded to have a long talk about fitness and youth until I put him to bed because he was tuckered out.

[shyguycity]

Goty 2019

Hey. It’s game of the year 2019 baby. By now you know the kinda justice we seek on these streets, so no long-winded introductions, except to remind you that these aren’t reviews, and honorable mentions have been moved down to the bottom this year because we're evolving.

12. Super Kirby Clash (Switch) - A free to play online Kirby spinoff centered around combat that features microtransactions sounds like an awful idea on paper, and yet it’s somehow my most played multiplayer game of 2019. I won’t try and present the game as anything more than what it is, which is basically a very (very very very!) simplified, arcade-y Monster Hunter game with a very (very very very very!) cute aesthetic. But as a recent convert to Monster Hunter and a longtime Kirby lobbyist, it turns out that that’s all I need to play a game for nearly 100 hours. The four classes all have varied abilities, gameplay and roles to play, and there’s nothing more satisfying than freezing time as the mage in the middle of an enemy’s jumping animation. I found the microtransactions to be completely fair, as I spent around 10 dollars total on the game and never found myself hurting for apples (the game’s main currency and the only one you can buy with real money) to upgrade my equipment. This isn’t a game I would be able to recommend to everyone, but if it’s your type of thing then it’s going to be very much your type of thing.

*Image credit: 505 games

11. Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night (Switch/PS4/Xbox One/PC) - Despite horrible first impressions from my backer copy of the Switch version, Bloodstained really ended up delivering the true Castlevania: Symphony of the Night successor it promised to be, and I had a fantastic time with it (after trading in my Switch version and begrudgingly purchasing a PS4 copy). While I love almost all of the Castlevania games in their own ways, even the best entries post-SotN didn’t end up feeling much like SotN. Bloodstained, meanwhile, wears its inspiration on its sleeve. Or rather on its wolf hood and gas mask combo.

Obscure, bizarre, and goofy secrets are around every single corner of the castle. I mean, like, really esoteric ones that I can’t imagine having found without a guide. From the myriad of hidden (and very challenging!) boss fights, to trophies popping for playing a piano while having a fair familiar out to entire sprite based areas, the surprises never stop being thrown at the player. It adds so much goofball flavor to the game that’s missing from just about any other entry in the genre, and it does the brunt work in giving this game its identity.

Not only are the secrets plentiful and good, but the combat is also excellent; much like a couple entries in the latter Castlevania games, just about every single enemy in Bloodstained has a chance of dropping you a shard upon defeat, and each one gives your character Miriam a new ability. Some of these are simple passive buffs, while others completely change your combat options. From ghostly portrait guardians to giant dentist drills coming out of your hand to summoning disembodied dragon’s heads, the shard system is never not entertaining, and leaves the player so much room for experimentation and realizing their ideal build it’s actually a wonder they were able to bug test this thing at all. And truly, the main issues holding Bloodstained back from true greatness are its technical issues. Which is a shame, and seemingly an issue on all platforms. But if you can handle a hard crash here or there, you’re in for a treat.

10. Fire Emblem: Three Houses (Switch) - I never thought I would care at all for any Fire Emblem game. Certainly, I saw the appeal of them prior to Three Houses, but they just never seemed like something I would want to devote a lot of time to. But putting the game in a school setting and recontextualizing your soldiers as students really made a huge difference for me, and I bonded with the characters in the game in a way I normally reserve for my Pokemon teams. And unlike Pokemon, I can marry my students, which is beautiful and horrifying.

There are definitely issues with Three Houses. A silent protagonist has no right starring in a game like this, especially with all the emotional story beats the game is trying to pull off. The writing in general was also all over the place, ranging from odd decisions with both the characters as well as the overarching story (some of this is remedied by replaying the game multiple times and going down different routes, but I put 60 hours into the game and couldn’t even finish two paths, so that’s a bit unrealistic). Lastly, the monastery that serves as your school needs just a tad more variety in activities to do in between the battles, as what started out as my favorite part of the game became a chore for the last dozen or so hours.

All of that said, I am anxiously waiting for the sequel, as the foundation that’s been put down here could lead to something truly special. As it stands, this is the best secret Harry Potter game ever made, and that alone is going to have a lot of appeal to a lot of people.

*Image credit: Gamespot

9. Resident Evil 2 (PS4/Xbox One/PC) - Truly, I have never been more stressed out when playing a game than the first time I had to start dealing with Mr. X. Yes, on each subsequent playthrough (of which I did many!) and even encounter he became less of a threat and more of an annoyance, but much like a good horror movie, that first time will remain embedded in my brain as one of my most memorable gaming moments.

And that kinda sums up Resident Evil 2 as a whole for me. An amazing, unforgettable start in the police station, followed by a somewhat middling second act in the sewers, and ending on kind of a weirdly short whimper in a very tonally different setting than the rest of the game. And that’s without getting into how disappointingly similar the “B” playthroughs of either character were to their “A” counterparts. It was all still great, mind you, and the gameplay and scares remained excellent throughout. But man was that first act in the police station something truly special, and I’m hopeful that the eventual remake of 3 keeps more of that tone throughout.

8. Pokemon Sword/Pokemon Shield (Switch) - Cutting hundreds of Pokemon was pretty close to the bottom of my list of concerns going into the latest Pokemon. The series hasn’t really grabbed me in a major way since Black and White on the DS almost 9(!) years ago, and I had largely accepted the idea that I was finally growing out of the franchise. While this 8th generation of Pokemon titles is far, far from perfect, and in fact doubles down on a lot of the aspects I don’t like about modern Pokemon games, Sword has become my favorite entry in the series in a very long time.

This is down to two things: my favorite batch of new Pokes the series has ever had (Galarian Farfetch’d, my prince............) and the introduction of multiplayer coop content with raids. The former is subjective I suppose (but seriously, Galarian Farfetch’d), and the appeal of the raids is going to be dictated by how into repetitive content you are and if you have people to raid with. I’m fortunate enough to love repetitive tasks in video games, especially repetitive tasks that amount to fighting and capturing giant monsters for rewards, and to have a partner to enjoy those repetitive tasks with. We lost entire weekends to hunting down new raid opportunities in Sword, and this feels like the first major step the series has taken in nearly a decade to try and reengage me in a meaningful way.

And don’t get me wrong: Pokemon has a long way to go to bring me entirely back into the fold. The dungeons are nonexistent, the routes are largely completely straightforward affairs, the post game content is so light that “barebones” feels like a generous descriptor, and the performance issues in the wild area (the game’s more open, free roaming space) are inexcusably awful when played online. I hope by the time the 9th generation games roll around that we’ll get a bigger advancement than what’s been seen here, but to me, this feels like an all around better made product than any of the 3DS entries, with or without Galarian Farfetch’d.

7. Risk of Rain 2 (Switch/PS4/Xbox One/PC) - The original Risk of Rain is a personal all-time favorite, so seeing the developers successfully make the jump from 2D to 3D while still maintaining everything I love about the first game is a truly remarkable feat. Both games sport essentially MMO-lite combat with abilities dictated by cooldowns and items that you get from chests and bosses, with rogue-like progression and permadeath. That’s a lot of jargon even for me talking about video games, so essentially: keep shooting things and powering up by grabbing items and defeating bosses, and when you’re dead you’re dead (bar a specific item), rinse and repeat.

It’s deceptively simple while being endlessly replayable. The true fun comes in when playing with other people, as every character plays completely differently, and figuring out builds for each person on the fly is extremely fun and rewarding. This also means that if you start getting bored of one character, simply play a different one on your next run. Add in an extremely moody sci-fi aesthetic (including one of my favorite soundtracks of the year) and that’s Risk of Rain.

The main issue with Risk of Rain 2 at this point is that it’s simply unfinished, and won’t even have an actual ending state until spring of 2020. This doesn’t hamper my enjoyment of the game much, hence it being on this list, but I imagine a lot of people would be bothered by it. The developers have done a great job of updating the game at a decent pace so far though, and every major patch has come with a new character, among a ton of other things. And if I’ve already gotten this much enjoyment out of an early access title, it’s exciting to think about a feature complete version down the line. And hopefully that feature complete version of Risk of Rain 2 includes the Chef character from the first game *ahem*.

6. Astral Chain (Switch) - In a year full of some real dang weird yet shockingly great games, Astral Chain stands tall as probably the weirdest surprise of them all. You’re a future cop fighting invisible ghost demons from an alternate dimension with your own invisible ghost demon chained to you through some high tech handcuffs. That’s just the first half hour of the game, and it ratchets up the anime nonsense many magnitudes over in the course of its 20ish hour runtime. And it’s great and stupid.

It’s not just the plot that’s over the top, though. Coming from developer Platinum Games, renowned for their nonstop super sweaty action portfolio, Astral Chain spends just as much time tasking the player with exploring its world, characters, and lore as it does asking you to punch enemies the size of skyscrapers (or bigger). It’s a formula that works shockingly well, as I found myself enjoying the downtime segments just as much, if not more, than the action portions of the game. And the action that is there doesn’t really play like your typical Devil May Cry or Bayonetta, either; the player character, while critical to pulling off combos and the like, is not your primary damage dealer, with that role being fulfilled by your five “legions” (the aforementioned ghost demon buddies), all of which have different strengths, weaknesses and abilities. The gameplay ends up feeling kind of like a realtime Pokemon game by way of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, and no sentence I’ve ever written has been as cool as that one.

I do think Astral Chain falls a bit short in the combat department, at least compared to other games in the genre. It’s a bit too simplified, despite how crazy looking and overwhelming the actions you and your legions end up doing can be, and I think that the obligatory Platinum-style grading system in this is very poor - it doesn’t seem to grade overall performance so much as it just wants you to constantly be switching your legions in the midst of battle. Which is a great lesson to teach your players, but I would also like if anything else about my combat performance seemed to have significant weight on my grade. Having said all that, it’s a flaw that I found much easier to overlook in the midst of battle when I sent my wolf legion ahead of me, biting and tearing its way through a cluster of enemies, while I hung back inside of my punching legion, finally able to fulfill my years-long Star Platinum “ora ora ora” fantasies.

5. Anodyne 2: Return to Dust (PC) - There’s a lot going on in Anodyne 2, and I fear trying to describe it in words, not only because of all the jargon I’d inevitably have to use, but also because I’m not sure I can do the game justice. To that end, here’s a brief trailer of the game to get you started:

If you find that trailer at all intriguing, Anodyne 2 is definitely for you. And if you’re still skeptical, know that the game has far more to offer than just its (beautiful) low-poly aesthetic. While visually it’s obviously most evoking Playstation 1 era games such as Mega Man Legends, in terms of the tone of its writing it strikes a pretty peculiar balance between Earthbound and Nier: Automata (names I do not invoke lightly!). The visuals aren’t just an aesthetic choice, either - throughout the game you find yourself in 2D overhead areas, solving puzzles inside of the minds of other characters, and these varying layers of abstraction serve to further the game’s message and atmosphere. And it’s all of these things combined that pushed Anodyne 2 over the edge of “memorable” and into the realm of “haunting” for me.

It’s a game that wants to be played and experienced by everyone; you can tell how much love was put into every single corner of the world, every line of dialogue, and each and every single goofy joke. Steven Universe (another seeming inspiration of the developers) is the only other piece of media that has reminded me of just how lost and alone I’ve felt at various stages of life, while choosing not to dwell on that and instead using it as a launching pad to remind me of just how far I’ve come. As the game itself says, Anodyne 2 is a game about life, and I’ve rarely come across one that felt so full of it.

4. Judgment (PS4) - With the release of Yakuza 0 a couple of years ago, the Yakuza games went from a series I was vaguely aware of in my periphery to maybe my all-time favorite video game comfort food. They’re silly, melodramatic, sad, and beautiful, tonally swinging back and forth like a large imposing guard wildly trying to hit Kiryu with a couch section. Most importantly, they manage to feel heartfelt and personal in an age where high budget games seldom feel anything of the sort. I was initially hesitant, then, to play a spinoff that threw aside its entire cast of established characters for a crew that dabbles in detective and lawyer work; I didn’t think there was much of a chance that this new band of very handsome crimeboys with hearts of gold would be able to compare to Kiryu, Majima and the like. How glad I was to be wrong, as Judgment is now maybe my favorite of the Yakuza games I’ve played.

By pulling further out (but not completely away) from the culture of organized crime as the central driving factor of the story, you no longer need to memorize a dozen different yakuza organizations and all of their subsidiaries and patriarchs within, nor do you have to try and remember which side is feuding with who. And that isn’t to say that the story doesn’t have just as many twists and turns; it does, and despite the larger scale of the stakes, ends up feeling more focused and personal. I also found it easy to bond with the two main characters, Yagami and Kaito, as not only do their personalities play off of each other very well, but they simply share more screentime together than I’ve ever seen Kiryu get a chance to do with anyone. Truly, the story ended up being one of my favorites in the entire medium, and I fell in love with the characters to the point where I got misty eyed during the credits.

With regards to gameplay, it’s a Yakuza game. Which means a lot of running around Kamurocho, talking and shopping and playing minigames and brawling. Since the player character in this entry is a detective, there are various mechanics and events related to the profession, such as investigating crime scenes and tailing suspects, but they’re by far the weakest part of the game, and you shouldn’t come to this game looking for incredible detective gameplay. Instead, come to the game for literally everything else it offers, because it’s a fantastic experience all around, and a great jumping on point for anyone unfamiliar with Yakuza.

*Image credit: Steam user Symbol

3. Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice (PS4/Xbox One/PC) - Frankly, I did not much care for Sekiro for the majority of my first play through. Specifically, I dreaded its boss fights. To go from the sheer joy of being able to dispatch a courtyard full of enemies in any way I pleased in the game’s relatively free form stealth sections, to being killed in a matter of two or three hits to every single boss and miniboss was frustrating; how could I not groan when I started that duel with Genichiro at the top of the castle, knowing full well that I was going to be stuck there for a few (or more) frustrating hours? It wasn’t until the fight against the protagonist’s father figure, Owl, hours later at the same location as the aforementioned Genichiro fight, that something clicked. It only took around 30 hours, but suddenly, instead of approaching the situation like a Dark Souls or Bloodborne boss, I was not only being defensive, but I was being aggressively defensive, parrying nearly every single blow. Suddenly it was me standing in place, baiting out my opponent’s attacks only to throw the force of his own momentum back at him. Suddenly combat made sense in this damn game. And suddenly I was dead again in a quick three hits after inhaling some magic gas that prevented me from being able to heal. But that was ok! Because suddenly this game was amazing, and suddenly I had completed it four times and adored every second of it (except for that fucken four form final boss with no checkpoints).

I still stand by my (and a lot of other’s) original complaint that the disparity between the freedom offered in the rest of the game compared to the unflinchingly rigid roadmap you have to follow in fighting the bosses is jarring game design, and it’s very fun to imagine a version of Sekiro that lets you approach bosses any which way you like. On the other hand, no other game that I’ve ever played, not even Sekiro’s predecessor and my favorite game of this console generation, Bloodborne, has come anywhere close to making me feel this cool when fighting bosses. And that’s a mighty impressive accomplishment on any game’s part, speaking from the perspective of an overweight, sweaty, hairy, very uncool man.

But really, fuck that final boss though.

2. Dragon Quest Builders 2 (Switch/PS4/PC) - When we were around 10-years-old, one of my best friends, Patrick, used to host fairly regular Lego-building sleepovers, where everyone built whatever they wanted, and our creations were then showcased to the rest of the group. Being that the group consisted entirely of pre-pubescent boys, this meant building various robots or cars, all of variable quality/ability to stand upright. During one of these nights, in lieu of the usual deathbot piloted by the ghost minifig, I instead constructed a little bunker for the ghost - a place where, after a long day of being forced (by me) to pilot his mech suit and commit unspeakable acts, he could hang up his ghost hat and be forced (by me) to ponder the morality of his actions. It was just a tiny little room with the necessities: bed, table, bookshelves and pizza, but when presenting it to my friends I proudly declared that the bunker was also located at the bottom of the ocean, a factor that couldn’t be visually represented due to the harsh limits of time, Lego pieces and my ability. I was pretty proud of my cool-down chamber, but if memory serves correctly, it was Patrick’s no doubt boorish creation that was the apple of everyone’s eye. And who am I to try and convince a room full of my peers that actually, a secluded room where you could read in peace for all eternity was much cooler than a punching gorilla bot?

This is all to say that I have never been a creative type, especially when it comes to building. I had previously played Minecraft and the first Dragon Quest Builders, and while I enjoyed them, there wasn’t quite enough there to make me want to engage with them on a level beyond just playing them like any other game - I don’t think I ever built anything in DQB1 that wasn’t required for the sake of progression in the main story, and the less said about my Minecraft efforts the better. Builders 2 expertly sidesteps this issue by wrapping its building mechanics around an engaging and hearfelt story (I got teary-eyed multiple times!), great characters (especially the main character’s mysterious best friend/partner in crime, Malroth) and a lovely localization. It also encourages more freeform building than the previous game by tying the progression of the story to the progression of your main, customizable island. You don’t ever really have to go off into the weeds on your own in regards to building, but the game gives you so many opportunities to fill in the blanks on premade templates that you eventually just become comfortable in doing so. It’s hard to stop myself from gushing about the game, to the point where as I type this I’m questioning why it’s “only” number 2 on this list.

And thanks to DQB2, for the first time in 20 years I revisited my first creative endeavor: the underwater solitude bunker, this time no longer held back by the technology of the day, instead fully realized in digital form. Built as far down as the game would allow my character to dig, hidden beneath the still waters of a reservoir inside of a pyramid, it is truly a testament to mankind’s ingenuity. And it is wicked. Naturally I had my artist (and DQB2 fanatic) girlfriend visit my game’s world so she bask in my true brilliance. I gleefully guided her down to the catacombs and down the intimidatingly long chain that dangled into the deceptively still depths. After a brief swim into the murky unknown, we arrived at our hidden destination at the bottom of the earth, where she was greeted by the sight of my submerged masterpiece. A wry smile snaked itself around my lips, as I knew, was absolutely certain, that within seconds, once she had made it through the de-pressurization chamber at the entrance to my paradise, I would be hearing the words of someone simultaneously shocked, awed, and hopefully only a bit jealous. Instead, I was met with a few seconds of silence followed by a patronizing “Well, I’d have never thought to build something like this.”

So, I guess that’s why Builders 2 couldn’t quite reach the number one spot: true art is never appreciated in its time.

1. Hypnospace Outlaw (PC) - No piece of commercial art has ever felt like it was made for me in the way that Hypnospace Outlaw does. I grew up on the internet during the time period this game’s alternate reality take on the 90s internet is drawing its inspiration from; I have talked at length, to anyone who will listen, about how this early incarnation of the internet felt more like a physical space than it does now, and how much I miss the days of stumbling on to weird Geocities sites, meeting people in AOL chatrooms, and the early days of pirating. I met my first girlfriend through the internet, as well as my current one. The vast majority of the friends I’ve made in my life would not have happened without the internet, and not just because of distance; the internet allowed the younger me to be the person I was too insecure to be in person, and to develop my own voice. I owe who I am to the people I met in freeware fanmade Dragonball Z games and IRC chat rooms, and I think that’s kind of fucked up and magical, and it’s all kind of a miracle that I’m not even more of a mess of a person than I am today. And the developers of this game have clearly had those experiences, too.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that Hypnospace Outlaw is for everyone, because it’s absolutely not. It’s essentially a detective game, but you’re solving cases by investigating user made internet pages circa 1997, and the “cases” you’re working on are largely things like bullying and copyright infringement. In other words, you’re mostly just reading gaudy websites and figuring out more about the back end and exploits of the Hypnospace experience. It is incredibly specific and niche and, as someone that sorely misses staying up until 3 AM downloading Winamp skins, I can’t stop thinking about this game, even months later.

I wrote a longer piece on the game on this very blog, and instead of rehashing anymore of it here, I’ll just direct you that way. Though if I may, I’d like to give one last endorsement for the game for any hypothetical person reading this that’s on the fence about trying it - if you’re the kind of person that somehow finds yourself reading this game of the year list, and have made it this far down the page without getting bored, I promise you that you’ll find something to love about Hypnospace Outlaw.

Honorable mentions (for games that were either not originally released in 2019 or I still wanted to briefly touch on):

Dragon Quest 11 S: Echoes of an Elusive Age - Definitive Edition (Switch) - Somewhere in between listing the original release of Dragon Quest 11 as my 7th favorite game of 2018 and now, it went from being “a really great JRPG” to “one of the best games I’ve ever played”, and in all honesty should have probably been at the top of last year’s list. A beautiful, unmatched experience all around.

Overcooked! 2 (Switch/PS4/Xbox One/PC) - The Overcooked games are possibly the best coop games I’ve ever played by merit of them actually requiring communication between players. Framing the game’s mechanics around cooking food, a universally understood act, is brilliant.

Baba is You (Switch/PC) - This is the most clever puzzle game I’ve ever played. Hell, it’s probably the most clever game I’ve ever played period. What prevented me from truly falling in love with it was that every single puzzle after the first couple of worlds became the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do in my life. And while that did make solving those puzzles equally satisfying, the thought of dedicating multiple hours each to stumbling through dozens and dozens more of single screen puzzles was a bit more than I was able to handle. Still, for any puzzle fans, there are some genuinely jaw-dropping moments in this that shouldn’t be missed.

Kirby’s Dreamland 3 (Switch/SNES) - The things I didn’t like about DL3 as a single player game are exactly what makes it a great coop Kirby game, which was a way to play this game that I never had the pleasure of experiencing until this year when it was re-released on the SNES Switch app. It’s skyrocketed up my list of favorite Kirby games, as well as become my favorite SNES coop game. Also, Gooey.

Kind Words (lo fi chill beats to write to) (PC) - I don’t quite qualify this as a game, as it’s more of a message in a bottle app with a very warm and charming aesthetic. But if you’ve ever wanted to anonymously reach out to strangers and tell them things are going to be all right while listening to some calming music, this is the thing for you.

Luigi’s Mansion 3 (Switch) - I have a deep, deep fondness for all three of the Luigi’s Mansion games (the GameCube and the original game were my first launch day purchases!), and 3 is by far the best game in the series. Every single moment of it was some high degree of charming and/or cute, and it’s a game I would feel confident in recommending to just about everybody. However, while I truly loved my time with the game and will no doubt replay it years down the road, there was nothing inside of it that really left any kind of deep impression on me. It’s a summer blockbuster in a kid-friendly spooky form, and that’s great for what it is.

Super Mario Maker 2 (Switch) - Mario Maker 2, sequel to what I would consider to possibly be the best game Nintendo’s ever made, is by far and away my most disappointing game of the year. It’s still an amazing toolkit, and I’ve been very satisfied with the levels I ended up making. That said, the gaming landscape has changed a lot in the 5 years between the original and the sequel, and with Nintendo’s nigh complete silence regarding updates coming to the game, I can’t consider it to be anything but a massive disappointment. And maybe that will change! But as of this posting, there’s been almost nothing to keep me coming back to the game a mere few months into its life, and that’s a huge problem. All of that said, it’s still a fantastic game and value, especially if (like most) you didn’t get a chance to play the original due to the console it was stuck on.

[mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker]

Let’s debunk this hot trash

“Part of the problem in front of Marvel Comics is the Marvel Universe is one long, mostly-unbroken line since its inception in 1961's Fantastic Four #1. There have been retcons, changes, tweaks, and cuts, but by and large it's a straight run. The universe has seen a number of resets, but it's mostly been returned to the state that long-time fans are comfortable with.”

Why is this a problem? Marvel is the highest selling comic book company in America and the long continuity is objectively not a problem.

It’s just something people incorrectly claim is a problem.

By the 1990s Marvel already had shittons of complicated continuity that had been going longer than most other long running franchise stories.

The readers back then jumped on ship just fine.

The AMOUNT of continuity you have is never the problem it’s how you manage it. In the days where every issue was treated as someone’s first and made accessible the amount of continuity was never a problem.

“Marvel Comics as a whole and the current creative stewards of its characters have to roll with 57 years of punches. They have to take the good and the bad. In the case of Spider-Man, the current writers, artists, and editors have to occasionally tackle the fact that Peter Parker hit his wife, made a deal with Mephisto to wipe out his marriage, or that Gwen Stacy had sex with Norman Osborn. ”

They don’t HAVE to deal with any of that.

They already dealt with the first of those things and simply SHOULD deal with the other two by erasing them.

But it’s also not like the presence of those things (sans OMD) is a huge hamper on the storytelling abilities or sales of the writers.

“Many of these are moments that readers and creators would simply like to forget, but they're a part of the fabric of the character. ”

Yes and welcome to ‘This is how a dramatic character on serialized fiction’ works.

“With Marvel's Spider-Man for PlayStation 4, Insomniac Games had the chance to start from scratch. They get to pick and choose what works for their version of Peter Parker and his alter-ego. The only backstory he brings to the table is that which Insomniac has carefully considered. This allows the team to drop the facets of Spider-Man that maybe didn't work and play around with some new ideas that might be better. And if Marvel's smart, they should steal some of what Insomniac Games did here.”

Why?

Insomniac already stole from Marvel.

Sales and storytelling potential for Spider-Man is NOT hampered by large continuity or even negative patches of it for the most part.

When bad stories happen so long as they are fixed then things get to move on. Even something as bad as Sins Past isn’t overly a drag because the story itself is so nonsensical it might as well not be canon, people have isolated and ignored it and the scope of the damage it can cause is fairly limited, it doesn’t really cut to the heart of the franchise. The time he hit his wife on the other hand was dealt with and moved on from.

So the existence of bad patches doesn’t really matter. Doctor Who has had no end of bad stories merely in it’s TV incarnation (to say nothing of it’s plethora of spin-off media which are all canon to varying degrees) and all those things still happened. But the show is still going strong and hit stratospheric popularity in the mid-late 2000s and early 2010s.

Hell the Simpsons is still going despite there being at least 20 years of mediocre-bad stories.

“I'm going to be honest. I'm not a huge fan of Mary Jane Watson. I don't necessarily have a problem with the character, but I've never really been a fan either. The marriage of Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson was done on a whim and many writershated it at the time.”

Oy vey this shit again.

The marriage was not done on a whim. Stan Lee, the creator of Spider-Man wanted it to happen and EIC Jim Shooter decided to synch it up with the comics.

At the time Tom DeFalco and Ron Frenz had been building up to Peter and MJ’s wedding with the intention of her jilting him.

But the build up from them, and other writers like Peter David, was still there.

Only the outcome changed.

As for this ‘many writers hated it’ thing, the article links to ONE writer’s opinion on the subject.

If we actually look at the majority of Spider-Man writers to have written for Spider-Man during and after the marriage we see most of them were okay or neutral on the subject.

David Michelinie wasn’t thrilled with it, but he came on side eventually. Tom DeFalco and Ron Frenz were the same. Matt Fraction wasn’t too sure about it but wasn’t innately against it either. Nick Spencer clearly liked it. Howard Mackie has given statements indicating he was against it at a time but might over all be neutral. Roberto Aguirre Sacasa has never said anything on the subject to my knowledge but his work implies he’s supportive of it. Mark Millar has never said anything on the subject. J.M. DeMatteis, J. Michael Straczynski and Peter David have been outright supportive of it, as was probably Todd McFarlane, Jodie Houser and for sure artist Ryan Stegman.

Oh and Stan Lee the creator of Spider-Man. Let’s not leave him out.

Compared to that we have Roger Stern, Terry Kavanagh, John Byrne, Paul Jenkins, Gerry Conway and Jim Owsley who were against it.

Conway’s opposition was possibly due to his going through a divorce at the time. Stern’s opposition was based upon his idea of MJ being stuck in the Silver Age but he wasn’t innately opposed to Spider-Man marrying in general. Jim Owsley on his linked to blog (where he routinely lies, including claiming Ron Frenz was potentially suicidal when he never was) had a stupid sexist rationale for disliking the marriage. John Byrne is creepy shithead who would’ve preferred Spider-Man was dating underage girls anyway and along with Terry Kavanagh never wrote a good Spider-Man story in his life. In Kavanagh’s case he never even wrote a good story in his life.

So of all those people only Paul Jenkins dislike of it wasn’t unjustified. But he was an outlier.

Every other writer either liked it, was neutral on it, disliked it for nonsensical reasons or didn’t know about good storytelling in the first place to make citing them worth a damn in the first place.

And aside from aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall of this...does the author realize Peter and MJ’s relationship and MJ’s whole character doesn’t begin and end in the years they were married?

Like he talks about their marriage as though this being bad proves their relationship and her character is bad when there was 20+ years of MJ prior to that.

“I think Peter has had better love interests over the years, including Gwen Stacy. ”

And the author would be wrong.

Gwen Stacy is neither better nor more interesting that Mary Jane.

That’s why THEY KILLED HER!

“Part of that is giving Mary Jane something to do. She's been a model and an actress, but the books were always more concerned with the superheroics, so you never really got the chance to feel her drive there. She was a nightclub owner, but again, the same problem persisted. ”

Except Spider-Man stories ARE NOT MORE CONCERNED WITH THE SUPERHEROICS!

My God. How the fuck can someone have read any number of Spider-Man stories and not realized, oh yeah, the book is about Peter’s life over all and his normal life is as if not MORE important than whoever he is punching this month.

By this logic Harry Osborn, Aunt May, Flash Thompson and literally every supporting cast member who isn’t J. Jonah Jameson or like Ashley goddam Kafka, is a better supporting character than Mary Jane.

Mary jane doesn’t have to be involved in the superhero side of Peter’s life because the Spider-Man series isn’t about that. It’s about his life in general and sometimes one blurs over into the other but not always and frankly if you go by the classic stories not even most of the time.

That’s why on the occasions where such things did happen it was a big deal.

“Other than supporting Peter Parker, what did Mary Jane Watson really want? ”

To be an actress

To be taken seriously as more than a model

To support her sick cousin

To earn a psychology degree

To avoid commitment

“Sometimes she just wanted Peter to not be Spider-Man anymore, which is a downer of a conflict.”

This is another lie.

The ONLY times during which Mary jane didn’t want Peter to be Spider-Man were during the Clone Saga when she was pregnant, he’d retired and Ben Reilly was the new Spider-Man and new main character (meaning there was no issue there) or during the Mackie/Byrne reboot where she was being written deliberately out of character as an act of sabotage.

Unless the author meant like in specific stories where Peter was injured and she didn’t want him to go off and be Spider-Man at that moment or in that specific context, as opposed to wholesale retiring. At which point...how is this a downer conflict? It’s a starkly realistic and emotionally justified conflict in a series built off the back of realistic emotions because Spider-Man is a human drama and soap opera FFS!

“Sometimes, things are good... ...sometimes, they're not.

Go to the article itself and notice the second image the author uses.

If you’ve ever encountered similar lines of anti-MJ/anti-marriage argument before those panels, that artwork or stuff similar to it might strike you as familiar.

Why?

Because it’s from the exact same story. Maximum Carnage.

Every asshole who tries to make this argument uses Maximum Carnage, one of the worst Spider-Man stories over all to bolster their claims. The repetition of scenes from this story (and usually the same scene) is telling because it’s either cherry picking from a notoriously bad story and pretending like it represented a norm (and removes it from important context FYI) or...these people don’t know what they are talking about and just parrot one another with the same examples.

“Over in the Ultimate Comics line, writer Brian Michael Bendis would give Mary Jane a career choice that dovetails well with superheroes: journalist. See, the reason DC Comics' Lois Lane works is her driving motivation—to be the best investigative journalist in the world—puts her on a path to run into Clark Kent and Superman. ”

Yeah and the problem is that MJ worked as well for decades even when she wasn’t a journalist. Shit she worked for the majority of Ultimate Spider-Man’s run prior to her becoming a journalist!

Yeah, remember that tiny piece of vital information the author conveniently ignored. For MOST of Ultimate Spider-Man’s 10 year tenure with Peter Parker as the lead character Mary Jane wasn’t a journalist!

Shit, she worked for her school paper so the idea that it made her involvement in heroics more organic is pretty bullshit.

More importantly prior to her journalist job Ultimate MJ’s role and function within the narrative was strikingly similar to her 616 married counterpart!

“Her intense curiosity and lack of self-preservation makes her endearing; the audience knows what she wants and the lengths she'll go to get it.”

And MJ’s goofy deameanor at times, inner strength, sociable nature, insecutirs, struggles with guilt and commitment make her endearing.

“So Insomniac decided to take the Ultimate version of Mary Jane and play it up to Lois Lane levels. She's an investigative journalist at the Daily Bugle searching for more on the recently-arrested Wilson Fisk. Her own adventures put her on the path to meeting with Spider-Man. You get that moment where they're both asking, "What are you doing here?" and you realize there's old, unmentioned romantic history. MJ already knows Peter is Spider-Man and she's fine with that side of his life. ”

And it works great...in a video game setting where you truly are spending 90% of your time in the middle of action and the plot needs to be entirely in service of that plot.

But in the context of a comic book more about the normal lives of the characters than revolving around superheroics and starring the most famous character (who’s clad in red and blue) of one of the two biggest companies in the world MJ as a journalist would die on it’s ass because it WOULD just be derivative of Lois Lane.

I mean Jesus Christ people also deride Black Cat and Norman Osborn for being derivative of Catwoman and Norman Osborn even though they deviate in big ways. But if Spider-Man major love interest/wife literally also became an investigative journalist and primarily interacted with Spider-Man (at least within the context of the main plot) within that role it would literally just be Lois Lane.

“This Mary Jane's problem is one of equal partnership. She's a great, inventive journalist. Sure, she could die on an investigation, considering where she decides to focus her talent, but in her mind, that's no different from a police officer or firefighter dying in the line of duty. The truth is important. This flips the dynamic a bit; her problem is that Peter doesn't acknowledge that she's also right where she needs to be. She's his equal, even if she doesn't have fancy Spider-powers. ”

  MJ was Peter’s equal in the comics too.

 Being someone’s equal as a person doesn’t mean doing the same job as them, working in the same line of work or directly contributing to the superhero action.

 You just need to be an equal in your personality and agency which in-universe MJ has had.

 This is to say nothing of how by this logic Alfred, Batman’s FATHER FIGURE, is not his equal or how Ganke Lee in Miles Morales comics wouldn’t really be HIS equal either or how, again, Spider-Man stories do not innately codify the superheroics as MORE important than the normal life stuff.

  “It's a great change.”

 Yes it is, in the context of a video game.

  “This Mary Jane is funny, a bit headstrong, and leaps sometimes before she looks. ”

 You mean just like comic book Mary Jane.

 “ Comic Mary Jane has many of these facets, but it's tough to get a grasp on what she really wants outside of Peter. ”

 Unless you’ve literally read the issue immediately after Peter meets her where she makes it clear she wants to be an actress. Or read any comic in the interim where she wants to have financial security, be taken seriously, reconcile with her family, indulge in/get over her commitment issues, help her cousin, learn psychology, etc.

 “Journalism doesn't have to be the answer, but there needs to be one that intersects with the lives of Peter and Spider-Man. ”

 No there doesn’t. In the real world couples jobs don’t have to intersect. Many of Peter’s supporting cast members do not have jobs that intersect with his life outside of the fact that they are his friends and/or family. This is true of other heroes too.

 MJ being Peter’s friend/girlfriend/wife is enough of a reason for her to intersect in his life and be featured in this stories, beyond that she can be given subplots of her own just like many other characters had.

 Two of the best subplots in Spider-Man involved Flash Thompson. One of them was his and Betty Brant’s affair and the other was his struggles with alcoholism. These were problems that for the longest time Peter wasn’t even aware of but they were compelling and entertaining unto themselves because Flash was a great character and we cared because he was Peter’s friend. However these stories also at no point ever really involved Spider-Man’s life. It was strictly confined to the problems of Peter Parker’s world.

 MJ’s job can be much the same.

 MJ’s normalacy is in fact a MAJOR reason why so many fans love her so much and why so many people love Spider-Man himself.

 Why make her more like Lois and her dynamic like that of Lois and Superman, those two characters who famously are awesome but also not as relatable as Spider-Man and MJ!

  “With Insomniac's Mary Jane, everything just clicks into place.”

 As would it for comic book MJ if you bothered to pay attention.

 “The problem here is Marvel never sat down and explained how this worked. Again, Peter's death was the impetus for Miles becoming Spider-Man. In the Ultimate comics, he had the powers long before he actually put on the costume. Miles' creator Brian Michael Bendis never sat down and explained the new backstory before he jumped over to DC Comics. We don't know the specifics of why this version of Miles took up the mantle, the question of his motivations always remains a bit fuzzy.”

  No it isn’t. Miles wasn’t REBOOTED into the 616 universe. He was integrated in with everyone’s memories altered around.

 His backstory was the same as in the Ultimate Universe he just literally, physically migrated over.

 Miles motivations were thus the same albeit undermined from a creative POV.

 “When the title of Spider-Man was passed on in the Ultimate universe, that made sense. But the question the Prime universe needs to answer now is: Why do they share the title? ”

 Because that was Miles’ chosen title and Peter gave his blessing for it and on a meta-level it is intended to represent how anyone can be Spider-Man.

 “Peter has offered it to Miles, but why does this version of Miles want it in return?”

  Because Ultimate Peter died and Miles wanted to honour him.

 It isn’t the case of he just ALWAYS existed in this universe. You cannot time travel back like 15 years into the 616 Marvel universe and locate baby Miles Morales He literally, physically doesn’t exist there.

 “That's really why these new versions of the characters work. I can see what they offer Peter and what he offers them in return. ”

 Comic book MJ offered Peter a human connection, a friend, a confidant, someone to support him and companionship.

 Why does she need to offer any more than that when in real life no one is hinging their deeper relationships upon the basis of what that person does for them in terms of their jobs or hobbies.

  “And that facet is sometimes missing in the Marvel Comics iteration. ”

 No it isn’t.

 “I see what they offer Peter, but sometimes it's hard to see what they get out of the relationship.”

 MJ gets a friend, companion, someone who understands and supports her, someone who helps emotionally fulfil her and make her a better person and sometimes someone who can help her in times of emotional and physical crises.

 “Great artists steal, Marvel. The comic publisher is already bringing Insomniac's Spider-Man into the the universe with the upcoming Spider-Geddon crossover (shown below). Now it's time to steal certain facets of the storytelling for the universe. Marvel Comics is stuck with the millstone of continuity around its neck, but that doesn't mean there aren't new directions the company can move Spider-Man and his amazing friends toward. ”

 Marvel has never rebooted it’s history since 1961.

 DC has done so in varying ways 5 or 6 times.

 Marvel outsells DC.

 Of all iconic characters owned by DC, Batman’s history has altered the least from one reboot into the next.

 Batman outsells every other DC character.

 In the 1980s Marvel fans had no access to the internet, few information books or other resources and few reprints with which to catch up upon the 20-25 years worth of history for the characters and of the few resources they did have not everyone had access to them.

 Marvel comics sold more physical copies back then than they do now.

 The highest selling Marvel titles of the 1980s and 1990s were the X-Men related titles which had objectively the most complicated, convoluted and least accessible .

 So STFU about too much continuity oh my God!

[moczothe1st]

Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War, Part 15: The Kids are All Right

Part 14

Welcome back to Fire Emblem IV.  When we last met, you may recall the entire world went to shit.  Before we get into too much of anything, let’s see the aftermath play out. 

SPOILERS AHEAD, SERIOUSLY READ PART 14 FIRST.

Just as he had planned, this left Arvis as the sole ruling power of the kingdom.

and so Arvis unified all Jugdral under Grannvale’s rule. With overwhelming support from his subjects, Arvis thus became the first Emperor of the Grannvale Empire.

Seventeen years have passed since the battle of Belhalla.

Now struggle under his oppressive, dictatorial rule. Across Jugdral, in the other realms now dominated by Grannvale, their people have been reduced to living as little more than slaves to the Empire’s whims.

(Oh hey look, the evil alliance with the priests of the Dark Lord didn’t produce that utopia after all.  How weird.)  

Just like his late father, Duke Langbalt.  While he lives an indulgent life at the Rivough palace, the people are treated as little more than slave labor.

(And they’re handsome, so they aren’t pure evil. They are, however, pretty awful as we’ll be seeing. Also a pair of total morons, but that’s nothing new.)  

Under their rule, Isaach knows no freedom. However, one last hope remains for Isaach.  Tirnanog, an isolated village in the kingdom’s far north…

(Damn, Shanan grew up to be a black-haired Sephiroth!)

whose strength grows with each passing day. Among these proud, young warriors is a young man, dubbed “The Scion of Light” by the people of Isaach and revered as the rightful prince of the Grannvale Empire.  

Danaan: Shanan and his rebel ilk are growing stronger by the day, and now they hamper us at every turn! And as if that weren’t enough, they harbor the spawn of Sigurd the Traitor! The very existence of this scum utterly defiles my authority over the Isaachian throne! How do you expect me to explain this sorry state to His Imperial Majesty?!

Harold: A thousand apologies, your highness, but everything is already under control.  The rebel hideout has been found, and even as we speak an army is on its way to crush them. Those vile rats have nowhere else to run! By sundown, not a single rebel will still be breathing.

Danaan: Hm. Very well. But be warned, Harold. Don’t even think of underestimating them. Most of the rebels are too young to pose a threat, but they still have Oifey and Shanan.  Those two alone are extremely dangerous. Dismissing them would be a fatal mistake .

(And I bet that is a sentence you never expected to hear during the first generation.)

Harold: Yes, sir, I’m aware. But I’ve already had Tirnanog, the rebel hideout, surveyed in secret, and neither are anywhere in sight. It’s safe to assume them currently absent, sir.

Danaan: WHAT?! Then why are we still talking about this?! Send the order to move in immediately! The people of Isaach are treating these rebels like some kind of heroes of freedom… but it’s time they learned the error of their ways! Kill them! All of them! I’ll be returning to Rivough. I expect nothing but good news!

Beautiful Man #452: A brigade’s set out from Geneishire and they seem to be headed our way.

(Gee, I wonder whose daughter she is.)

Ayra 2.0: Let them come, I say! It only makes the battle easier for us! It’ll be simple to just walk right over to Ganeishire and pick them off as we go!

Ulster: You’ve gotta be kidding! Prince Shanan’s still off trying to find the Yied Shrine, and Oifey and the others aren’t back yet. It’s just us two against an entire army! Surely, even you can’t think this’ll end well!

Ayra 2, The Astra Continues: I don’t care! You can sit here and be scared witless if you want, but I’m not letting a chance like this pass! The prince still treats us like helpless children, but come one! We’ve had more than enough training! We’re ready for real action!

Ulster: But…

The Aympire Strikes Back: I’m… I’m NOT gonna run away anymore! I’m sick to death of sitting here while those monsters butcher our friends! Or worse… the empire’s thugs are still out there, snagging every girl they see… If Prince Shanan hadn’t come for me that day, I’d be just another one of them. Dead, or wishing I was… I won’t forgive or forget their pain!

Ulster: No, that’s not it, Larcei… You’re right, it’s horrible, but…

Seliph: Most likely, I assume Shanan would have given you strict orders to keep me safe. After all, if he hadn’t, you’d already be out there in the fray! To not be thirsting for a good fight just isn’t the Ulster I know.

Larcei: Oh… that’s… that’s right. Sorry, sir. I was hoping we didn’t have to involve you…

Seliph: I’m no child anymore either, Larcei. If you two plan to fight, I plan to fight by your side. There’s more at stake today than only the resistance. What of Tirnanog? We owe so much to its people. I refuse to abandon them at such a critical hour!

Ulster: But…

Seliph: We’ve no time to waste debating this! Lana, stay behind and help the citizens. We’ll engage the foe in the western gully.

Lana: This is my fight too! You won’t convince me anymore than you could convince Larcei! Every day I think the Empire can’t get any more cruel, and every day I’m proven wrong. They prey on the weak and vulnerable as if snuffing out their lives is a game to them… I can’t sit quietly and accept it! I may not be able to fight, but I’ve my own way of defending everyone!

Seliph: Hm… my apologies, Lana.  You are absolutely right: the battle for Isaach’s freedom rests upon all of us. Very well, we shall all go together! How this will turn out, I cannot say…

(Well, it can’t go worse than when your father tried it with his three buddies. … Not a challenge, game.)

Seliph: But we owe it to all of Isaach to give this battle no less than our best.

Lana: Yes, Milord! And, er…. Sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken so brashly.  

Seliph: Ha!  You’ve nothing to apologize for. Now Ulster, Larcei, Lana… the time has come. Move out!

And here we go.

The game tries to trick you into thinking it’s called ‘Genealogy’ because of the importance of the Crusader’s bloodlines, but that’s only half the story.  This is also the first Fire Emblem game to feature a second generation, determined by the Lover bonds you made between the units in your first generation. It’s a revolutionary mechanic that would later be picked up on by modern ultra-popular games Awakening and Fates, and…

God, it’s so badly done. It really is.  

The thing is, the game never tells you the second-generation inheritance mechanics exist, or how they work. It never even tells you how to get two first-generation units to hook up, though that’s easy enough to work out (‘Have them stand next to each other a lot’). The only hints you get are from villages in the battle of Belhalla map, by which point it’s already far too late to really fine-tune anything.  Basically it’s a situation where you either already know what you want to do going into the game (like me) or you get screwed (like me during my first playthrough when I was playing blind).  

And the thing is, this is important.  It’s not a minor detail, it affects your entire army for the whole second half of the game.  Marry off the wrong people, or god forbid don’t marry anyone at all, and you can end up hamstringing yourself pretty severely.  The general mechanics are as follows:

1)     Every female character in the army will have two children if they have been paired up with a male character.  The only automatic pairings are Sigurd/Deirdre and Quan/Ethlyn.  They will have one male child and one female child. The characters are determined by mother only; Ayra will always have Larcei and Ulster no matter who she marries, for example. The father will affect their stats and abilities as listed below.  

2)     Children will inherit a small boost to their starting stats, based on their parents’ final stats at the end of chapter five.  

3)     The children will have the same growth rates as their same-gendered parent, boosted by +50% of their opposite gendered parents growth rates.  They also inherit Holy Blood; if one of the parents has Major Blood, then the child of their gender will get that while the opposite-gendered child gets Minor.  For example, Seliph has Sigurd’s Major Baldur Blood, but also inherits Minor Naga Blood from Deirdre.   Unfortunately, most of Deirdre’s growths are hot garbage so his physical growths aren’t much better than Sigurd’s, but he does get a fairly impressive 30% Resistance growth thanks to her, so he’ll end up a much better mage-killer than his dad, and thanks to his combination of Holy Bloods he gets a 140% HP growth rate. This means he’s guaranteed to gain health every level, and has a 40% chance to gain two HP instead of one.    

4)     Children will inherit any items they can use from the inventory of their same-gendered parents. For example: Larcei and Ulster are Ayra and Jamke’s kids.  Larcei inherits Ayra’s gear, and since she can use anything Ayra can, she gets it all. Ulster, by contrast, doesn’t inherit any weapons because he can’t use Jamke’s bows, but he does inherit the two rings that Jamke was wearing, the Renewal Band and the Leg Ring. Items that could not be inherited will show up later, either in the shops or as droppable items off enemy soldiers. (Seliph does not inherit Tyrfing, because of story reasons, but he does inherit all of Sigurd’s other gear. Somehow).  They also inherit a portion of their parents’ combined gold supplies.

5)     Children will inherit the combined skills of both parents.  This is where it starts to get ridiculous, because some of those abilities you probably remember as absurd gamebreakers: Both of Ayra’s kids here inherit her already bonkers skillset of Pursuit, Nihil, and Astra, but they also pick up Adept and Accost from Jamke.  This means they have three different ways to double-attack and any one of them can also proc Astra, turning them into basically living chainsaws. The one caveat to remember is that for some reason, Astra, Sol, and Luna can only be inherited by non-mounted characters who use swords.  No, the game won’t tell you ahead of time which characters have such children. Why do you ask?  

Fun, right? And of course, if a female character doesn’t get married or dies before Chapter 5, then instead of her children you get a pair of substitute characters who will be the same (or very similar) class, but have much different skills, abilities, and stats… most typically ones that are markedly inferior. Though admittedly not always (In particular, a lot of veteran players will tell you the replacement children for Sylvia are better than her actual kids, no matter who their dad is. But I swore I would get them all and I keep my goddamn promises). The much bigger problem with them is that they don’t inherit the items. This is just an inconvenience in most cases, since as mentioned above those items will reappear… but in the case of the Holy Weapons, they’re gone forever since the bloodline that could use them has died out.  If Bridget doesn’t get married? Yewfelle is really no-take-backsies lost forever.  Same with Lewyn’s Forseti and Claude’s Valkyrie.  And to make matters worse, those two idiots have to marry someone who has a son that uses the right weapon type, and the game never tells you who that might be.  Lewyn gets off easy: The game pushes him at both Erin and Sylvia, each of whom will have a kid that can use Forseti (though Sylvia… makes it very complicated on you). But Claude… the game pushes him at Taillte when he first joins, and while her son will inherit Claude’s Holy Blood he cannot. Use. Staves.  

FUN, RIGHT?!  

*sigh*

Well.  Now that that’s done, let’s take a look at what we’ve actually got to work with for this map.  

Meet Seliph, our new Lord. He’s not bad, though he won’t be his dad’s equal for awhile; the Silver Sword is only a few kills away from being upgraded to gain the Critical skill, which will help him out a lot.  I also… discretely ensured Sigurd had the Paragon Band, so he’ll level up quickly to make up for the fact he’s generally our weakest fighter right now.  Unfortunately, he gets hurt a little in his base stats because Deirdre’s aren’t typically great except for Magic and Resistance, and Sigurd’s are so awful that Seliph will always start out low on them regardless.  For Holy Blood he has Major Baldur and Minor Naga, giving him an impressive total of +50% to HP growth, and +20% each to Strength, Magic, Skill, Luck, and Resistance. So he may start slow, but unless we get really unlucky he’ll pick up fast.

Larcei and Ulster get combined into one entry since barring the fact Larcei has more Skill and Ulster has more luck, they’re identical at the moment. Which is to say amazing. Five very good skills, solid physical stats across the board, and Minor Odo Blood (+20%HP, +30% Skill). The only real reason Larcei is better at the moment is that she inherited her mom’s swords.  These two could clear the map by themselves.

And finally, Lana, Aideen and Midir’s daughter. She’s one of the kids who is almost impossible to screw up; Aideen by herself has perfectly good stats and growths for a Priest, so anyone she marries will just be icing on Lana’s perfectly good healer cake.  In her case, Aideen’s phenomenal growth in Part 1 means she starts off with unusually good base stats for a level one healer, and she already has access to several great staves (though that Physic staff will need repaired soon, dammit I should have done that last chapter).  She inherited Pursuit and Accost as skills from Midir, but she won’t be able to use them until she promotes and can fight; when she does, she’ll be even better in combat than her mom was. And of course, she’s still got Mom’s Minor Ullur Blood for +20% HP and +30% luck growths… and for skill in the bows that she still will never be able to use.

Now then… TO WAR!

….

Oh, there’s no enemy units in range.  

Now then… TO MOVE INTO THE MOVEMENT RANGE OF WAR!

End turn.

Not to give you an inferiority complex, bro, but your dad would have killed that guy in his first map.  Though, in point of fact, this isn’t so bad; he has the Paragon band, he doesn’t really need kills to get experience yet. It’s better to use him as a decoy for now and let Ulster and Larcei mop up after him.

Like so. This strategy in mind, I move Seliph forward as far as he can manage, into the range of a few other units, and leave the others hanging slightly back.  Nobody has been damaged yet, so Lana sits there looking cute. End turn!

Dammit, one was close enough to go for Larcei. I should have checked before I moved her. Ah well, plenty to go around, we’re outnumbered like twenty-five to four.  

Ooooh, make that twenty-five to seven. Three new dudes pop in when our turn starts, and they have horses!

Blue Hair #76: I hope everyone’s doing all right…

Blondie: What if Lana’s gone and gotten herself mixed up in the fighting? She can’t defend herself at all if she’s out in the open like this?

(“GEE, THANKS FOR ASSUAGING MY FEARS, YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD FRIEND.”)

Blondie: Sir, we should hurry back. The sooner we get back to Lord Seliph’s side, the better.  

Porn Stache: Indeed. Come, Dermott! Lester! The battlefield awaits us!

Well then. Let’s take a look at our new arrivals.  First we have…

That’s right, it’s Oifey! Our little tactician dude from part one has grown up into a pre-promote with a fantastic moustache for part two. And he is, in fact, not terrible. His stats are perfectly fine and he comes with two good skills, Critical and Pursuit. He comes in at level 15 while the rest of the army is at level 1, however, which is the game’s subtle way of telling you to only use him for emergencies; he will get virtually no experience for killing anything in the first few chapters.  Oifey is what FE vets call the ‘Jeigan Archetype’, a promoted overlevelled unit the game hands you as a method of ensuring your newbies don’t get wiped out, but if you rely on them too much those newbies will never get to grow up and be killing machines of their own someday. Unlike many of those, Oifey has fine starting stats and passable growths, and can be useful the whole game if you get lucky (though most of the kids will outclass him eventually), but you should still try not to let him kill anything for at least three more chapters, when enemies his level start showing up.

And yes, he has Minor Baldur Blood. It’s easy to forget, but waaaaaaaay back it was mentioned that he’s actually Sigurd’s distant cousin.  

Dermott is a little harder to work out than others, but by looking at his items, skills (Notably, he has Charm, which only one parent can pass down) and Holy Blood (Minor Hezul) we can spot quickly enough he’s the son of Lachesis and Beowulf.  He takes after his mother in one way, in that HIS NAME IS SUPPOSED TO BE DIARMUID, a reference to a hero from Celtic mythology, and it’s been mistranslated. But you know what fuck it I’m too tired, so he can stay Dermott. He’s a solid unit, much like his father… erm… eventually turned out to be, with Pursuit and Accost for offense and Charm to make units near him stronger just by being in his shining golden presence.  The combination of his class and Holy Blood allow him to use any non-Holy sword right off the bat as well, so his offensive options are considerable; even if you choose to do something like marry Lachesis to a mage, he can end up a great choice to use magic swords. But given that Minor Hezul blood is a +20% to HP and +30% to Strength growths, it’s really best to stick with a good honest ass-kicker for his dad.  

And finally, Aideen and Midir’s other child, Lester. Now, remember when I said Lana was almost impossible to screw up? Lester is almost impossible to not screw up.  Aideen’s physical growths are non-existent and he can only use bows as weapons, so if you want him to be inheriting anything of value and have half-decent stats, he needs to be fathered by either Jamke or Midir.  Jamke is the better choice in terms of stats, but the rub lies in the fact that for no obvious reason, Jamke won’t pass down Pursuit to his children despite having it himself.  I assume this to be a bug, but who knows.  Of course, if you don’t care about bows there’s always people like Lex or Holyn who can give him better combat stats… but you saw Midir in the Arena. Archers need a good bow to live. Half the reason Jamke rocks so hard is that he comes with arguably the best non-Holy bow in the game.  So enjoy that Brave Bow, Lester, if we get unlucky leveling you up then it will be your salvation.  

All right. None of our newbies can join in the combat this turn, but they’re all mounted so that will change soon enough. For now, let’s focus on continuing our strategy.  Seliph sets them up…

The twins knock them down.

And to finish things up, Lester goes to have a chat with his sister.

Lester: Why am I not surprised… look, I know I can’t get you to leave, but be careful, okay? It’d break Mother’s heart if something happened to you out here?

(Yes, Aideen is alive, and no, she won’t be helping us out. It’s more common than you’d expect; a solid number of the first generation survived Belhalla only to be too wounded to fight again or to just die later anyway. Mostly the ladies. All these children had to come from somewhere, after all.)

Lana: I know, but actually there was something Mother told me… she said we owe the greatest of debts to the people of Isaach, and if we can help them in any way, we owe it to them to do all we can.

Lester: Yeah, I guess she’s right. I mean, we wouldn’t even be here now if not for the help of the locals… so, er, where is Mother anyway?

Lana: She’s back in Tirnanog’s abbey, working like always.

Lester: Right… Listen, Lana. We’ve got to give this battle our all, both in Mother’s name and in the name of our lost father. Someday, I know, we’ll finally be able to help Mother return to her home, Jungby…

Lana: You’re right, Lester.  

And that’s the slightly anticlimactic end of that conversation; Lana gets a free point of Luck from it for… some… reason.  End turn; no enemies are close enough to hit us, so after they move it goes right back to our gang of misfits.  First, Oifey has words for young Seliph…

(“The… entire world, sire? I was only gone for like an hour.”)

Oifey: The Empire’s grip is tightening still further, as if trying to choke life from the people.  It’s inciting doomed revolts all across Jugdral.  

Seliph: So it’s as I thought… it isn’t as if the Empire’s tyranny would ever be limited to only Isaach… Oifey, is it feasible to assist them?

Oifey: Not as we presently stand, sire. We still lack the strength to properly challenge the Empire.

(“Among other issues, we somehow managed to get you all of your father’s belongings except his invincible super-sword. My apologies, sire.”)

Seliph: Then what of our present battle?  The war for Isaach’s freedom has already begun. Turning back now would be impossible.

Oifey: Hm. There’s certainly no chance of returning you to hiding now that your whereabouts have been leaked, sire.  Starting the fight now was reckless, but we’ve no choice but to continue.

Seliph: Oifey, I’m sorry I let all of this happen behind your back, but we had no choice. Even so, I don’t think I could have stood letting Isaach suffer under Dannan’s thumb any longer. I trust you understand, Oifey.

Oifey: I do, sire. Now, our priority is to lay siege to Dannan’s capital, Rivough, with all haste. Dannan must fall before the Empire can send him reinforcements. We cannot afford to wait!

Seliph doesn’t get a stat boost, because I guess he’s not as cool as Lana.  It’s okay, though, he can still do another cool thing:

Softening up enemies! And our first awesome level of the second generation goes to Lord Seliph. Most marvelously done, sire.  Peons! Attend Lord Seliph!

Marvelously done, peons!  I am so pleased I shall not even force you to lay down on the floor and be a carpet for Lord Seliph to walk upon, that he may not dirty his boots.  

The turn ends here, because we have nobody else to move. I’m a bit worried that one of the enemies can reach Lana, but I’m not sure so…. Let’s hope?  

Oh goodie, the second wave is approaching. But seriously, about Lana…

… Huh. I mean, hey, Lester, if you wanna be like your dad and suck in the arena while being unreasonably lucky everywhere else, more power to ya.

And after that, the enemy is apparently just super uncool with Larcei. Unfortunately for them, Larcei is pretty cool with dodging and very cool with murder.  Our turn…

After taking out the trash, our two errant horsemen start moving east, toward Ganeishire, while Seliph goes to stand enticingly in the range of the last enemy. Ulster also finally gets to take a break from stabbing stuff to chat with his sister, since for once there’s nothing nearby for him.  

Ulster: Just be careful out here, okay? Your usual brazen antics’ll only get you in trouble now.  

Larcei: I know, I know, I know! What, do you think I’m still a child?!

Ulster: Heh, man that iron will of yours! I guess you’re just like Mom was, if what Prince Shanan’s told us is true.

Larcei: Yeah… Ayra… I can’t remember a thing about her. You?

Ulster: No, of course not.  We’re twins, remember? If you were too young to remember, then so was I. We weren’t even two years old back then… it was Oifey who took us with him when he fled to Isaach with Seliph. We waited and waited, but Mom never followed… I guess she didn’t make it out of the Battle of Belhalla alive.  

Larcei: Ulster! You swore you’d never say things like that! Mom is alive! ALIVE! I’m sure of it! Don’t you dare say otherwise ever again!

(*cough* I’m actually pretty sure she isn’t. Which really just makes this sad, so… sorry.)

Ulster: Er… sorry, Larcei. You’re right… I’m sorry…

Larcei gets +1 to Luck from this conversation too, because anger makes you stronger? End turn.

Man, nobody wants to fight Seliph.  Do these peasants believe themselves too good to take blades to milord?!  HOW DARE THEY.  

Not much to do from here but move east; two turns of that puts us into combat range of the enemy’s second wave of troops. Ulster, if you’d do the honors of waiting just within their range? End turn.  

Good man.

… Oops, misjudged the distance. Well, Lana will be happy, she finally gets to do some real healing instead of just kissing boo-boos. Now for our turn….

And our first crappy level of the second generation goes to Lester! Good job, Lester. You’re really honoring that lack of confidence I had in you. End turn.

…. Did he… did he just kill himself out of spite?

Leave Larcei alone, jeez. I know she’s awesome, but come on, there have to be better ways to die.  

And our turn begins with the sight of a bandit suddenly appearing out of nowhere moving up to a village behind the enemy’s castle, because didn’t we all miss that. Ulster’s got the leg ring and Dermott has a horse, so I send them out ahead to try and get there before too much gets burn. Seliph kills an archer, and gets his second level.

As a western gamer I’m told I’m supposed to love Big Awesome Superman Sigurd more than Beautiful Man-boy Seliph, but if he keeps getting levels like these I may have to reconsider that.

Lana also gets her first level from healing, which while not quite as absurd, does give her Defense. That’s her weakest point, so I can’t be too angry.  A few turns of movement follows, until Ulster finally reaches the village and clears it.

Way to get hit on a 25% chance, dumbass. But at least you killed the enemy, so… ‘good job’.  The rest of the team, having nothing better to do, starts attacking the castle defenders.

We’re making pretty good time! Gaineshire should fall quickly from here.  I move Dermott over to stand next to another defender, hoping it will be softened up from here.  And since Oifey has the least money, he takes the first village.

Info Master: The younger two serve him here in Isaach. Johan controls Isaach Castle, while Johalvier controls Sophara Castle. They’re both kind of odd, and they’ve both got this obsession with someone in your army called Larcei.  Always squabbling, they are… I dunno, though. Neither of them are all that bad, really. Heck, I bet they’d want to join forces with you!

FORESHADOWING.  

End turn.

That’s what I like to see. Hard workers. Our turn clears out the final defenders…

And hell, let’s take a risk and let our up and coming young rock star of a lord take first crack at the boss.

(“I mean, yes, they have killed all of my men, and it’s only been like an hour, but…”)                

Ah, yes. Did you miss Pavise? I did.  And on his own turn, he actually connects, taking Seliph’s health down to the danger zone. But also gaining him a new level!

I will never say no to more defense. Lana burns a charge of her Physic staff to heal him up, and I send Lester to swing up and take a shot from the side.

Seriously, fuck Pavise. Ulster, can you wrap this shit up?

Because they proc Astra, bitch.

… And they torment me with shit levels right after triumphing.  God, you people are turning out just like your parents. Dermott took a nasty hit fighting the defenders, so I send him down south to a cathedral to pay for healing since he’s not cool enough to earn Lana’s attentions.  And with that, time to seize our first castle of Gen 2.

(He said, a perfectly nice town and some lovely trees in the background.)

(… Yes, hello, Your Majesty. You weren’t helping us out becaaaaaaaaaaaaaause?)

Lewyn: Just Lewyn, Seliph… like I’ve always been. Silesse is just another Imperial conquest now…. That’s all it’s been since the mess in Belhalla. And meanwhile here I am, still living a pathetic, shameful life for all to see.

(Yeah that’s great. Look, pack up your magic books and get back in line, soldier, we have an Empire to sort out.)

Lewyn: At least my mother faced Silesse’s demise, and her own, with pride and dignity! But me? Nope! Still just an idiot bard… don’t listen to what Oifey says of me, Seliph. Please, don’t call me a king ever again.  

(Okay yeah but do you still have Forseti. I would really like some Forseti, please.)

Seliph: I… my apologies, Lewyn…

Lewyn: Heh, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. More importantly, looks like you’ve finally got this revolution thing started! There’s no place more fitting than Isaach to begin fighting back against the Empire.

Seliph: Indeed! The courage of Isaach’s people is matched only by the pain and anger they feel because of the Empire. All we’re missing now is for Prince Shanan to return and join the fray himself.

Lewyn: He ran off to follow some rumor, didn’t he?

Seliph: Mm. Rumor has it his birthright as heir to the Isaach throne, the holy sword Balmung, is being kept in a shrine in the Yied Desert.

(Oh god not that place again. So much sand…)

Seliph: As I understand it, the entire desert region is home to an evil priest. I trust Shanan’s might, but I cannot help but worry for his safety…

Lewyn: If anyone can do it, it’ll be Shanan. Actually, Seliph, I’ve a favor to ask of you.

(Bitch you can ask me for favors when you’re blasting my enemies with wind magic. JOIN THE ARMY.)

Seliph: Oh? If it is within my power, I’ll gladly help. What is it?

(Dammit Seliph you suck at negotiation. We have to play hardball with this guy!)

Lewyn: Since then I’ve been looking after her in a hidden little corner of Silesse, until we had to get out a while back as the Empire set about tightening its grip. The thing is, I’ve got things that need doing over in Leonster, and at this point she’s just slowing me down. I hate to impose, but I don’t have much of a choice. Could I leave her with your group for a while? I still don’t know what happened to her, but it must have been pretty awful. Poor thing. Back when I first found her, she couldn’t remember a thing about what happened.

(…. Yeah, dude, I don’t know if you remember it, but his father took in a mysterious waif once and it ended really bad.)

Lewyn: I still don’t know what happened to her, but it must have been pretty awful. Poor thing. Back when I first found her, she couldn’t remember a thing about what happened. It looks like she still can’t…

(Oh jeez, she has amnesia too. I’m getting some déjà vu here, and not in a good way. Yeah, gonna have to give this one a super hard no, so…)

Seliph: I see. Very well, you can trust me with her, Lewyn.

(God dammit, Seliph.)

Seliph: However, I must ask you return for her as soon as possible She won’t feel too comfortable in an army of strangers.

Lewyn: Deal. Heh, I’ll probably be back here by the time you’re finished freeing Isaach. Good luck, Seliph.

Seliph: May the gods be with you as well, Lewyn.

(Fuck off, Lewyn.)

Seliph: Until Lewyn returns, I swear I’ll let no harm come to you… I know I’ve much to learn, and I’m not yet all that strong. But one day… someday, I know I’ll be strong enough to protect us all! Someday, I’ll have the strength to defend all the world’s people from the Empire’s wrath! Someday I’ll be strong, just as my father once was…

(“Someday, I’ll be Hokage!”)

Julia: Seliph…

Well. She’s a sparkling conversationalist.  Now, normally I would cut things off here. But coming up next turn is one of the few choices the game has to offer, and I would actually like to let you guys vote on it, so we need to do one more scene.

Dannan: What in the blazes are my sons doing?! Someone, tell them to take the rebels down, right now!

Johan: But I could never lay a finger on Larcei, even if she is among my foes… ahh, what a dilemma standing before me…

So that’s Johan and Johalvier.  They’re a pair of fucking idiots, but we can recruit one.  Yes, one. Whichever one Larcei talks to first will join your army; the other will have to die because they are, again, fucking idiots.  But hey, since I’m a kindly sort, I’ll allow you the choice of which one we recruit. The gist of them:

Johalvier:

Growths: HP – 110%, Str – 40%, Mag – 0%, Skl – 50%, Spd – 10%, Luck – 10%, Def – 60% Res – 5%

 Johan:

Growths: HP – 110%, Str – 40%, Mag – 0%, Skl – 20%, Spd – 50%, Luck – 10%, Def – 60% Res – 5%

(P.S. Both have Minor Neir Blood; the bonuses from it are included in their listed growth rates.)  

 As you can see, it’s not a huge difference. Both uses axes as weapons; Johan will always use only axes, while Johalvier can learn to use bows after he promotes.  Each only has one (at least pretty good) ability, and their growths are mostly identical; about the only thing worth noting is that Johan’s speed growth is significantly better, probably to make up for the fact his starting speed is four points lower. Johalvier in general starts off with better base stats, in fact, but that’s made up for somewhat by the fact that Johan has a horse and he doesn’t.  

Really, tl;dr, neither of them is appreciably better than the other in gameplay terms, unless you’re doing a speed run.  So, let me know if you have an opinion on which one to grab, and if there’s a clear winner I’ll pick him up next week.  See ya then!  

Part 16

[ravencromwell]

Thoughts on the Wolf 359 Season 1 Finale

All you folks who followed me in hopes of Wolf 359 meta and who're probably wondering if I've forgotten y'all: fear not. I liked doing ep recaps, and y'all seemed to enjoy perusing my musings, so have my thoughts on the S1 finale, Deep Breaths and Gas Me Twice.

If the other eps won me over on a narrative and structural level, this one's greatest strength is its message. The narrative and structure are fucking fabulous, don't get me wrong, and I'll ramble about them to embarrassing length momentarily, but I finally know what the beating heart of this show is. There were a lot of contenders up to this point: would it be humans vs. aliens? or humans vs. the inhospitable environs of space? or even humans vs. humans? But no: if this episode is anything to go by, it's humans vs. their worst selves, with a splash of humans vs. other humans. And to facilitate this sort of plot successfully, there has to be tremendous emphasis placed on what makes one human n: the creators have to have a fundamental understanding of the quality they think is uppermost in defining "humanity" from other animals, so they can set up folks grappling with and succeeding at achieving whatever it may be.

And the ringing shout at the core of this episode and I hope the core of this podcast is empathy. Not some sort of in-born empathy, but the choice over and over to walk in other people's shoes and to let that define our choices. Hera and Hilbert are set up as brilliant foils: and Hilbert, despite being blessed with all the intelligence that is supposed to make him human, being hampered by none of Hera's limitations--that we're aware of anyway--chooses again and again to remain tied to a code of conduct and a mission no one forces him to maintain, while she always chooses to reach out and help. And it's that choice that saves them all.

[spoilers beneath the cut]

But let's back up a bit, and ponder Doug for a sec before we dive into the darkness that's the last half of this finale. We're starting to see so many of Doug's flaws now, as well as his strengths. I'd say that one of the greatest flaws is that only in adversity do we see that strength. When left to his own devices, he crafts nonsense--if utterly hilarious--hijinks, like attempting to smoke a damn cigarette with an oxygen mask so as not to explode the ship. (Doug, seriously honey, just don't smoke 'till you're home! It's not like they didn't warn you there would be a limit to the luxuries you're accustomed to when you're in the middle of deep space ffs) He more and more strikes me as one of those really smart people who desperately needs external motivation, a really strong support network that can gently redirect his potential, to achieve things. But I'm also starting to wonder if he knows and doesn't much like this about himself. After all, he's the guy who no one remembers the birthday of. Admittedly, it is on Christmas, which does give folks some excuse, but it paints a portrait of someone always kinda buzzing around the fringes of circles, maybe irritating folks a bit, but never really getting close enough to matter enough to be remembered. He's really surprisingly touched when Hera remembers, like all the griping at the beginning of the episode was entirely genuine, if melodramatic in typical brilliant Doug style.

The way Doug uses humor as a defense mechanism is also really coming into focus in these one. The "Gas me once, shame on you. Gas me twice...well, still shame on you. But I'm not fooled" line springs immediately to mind. This's a man they've spent over five hundred days with, who's just utterly betrayed them, and his default response is dry as bone snarck. It forces you to examine some of his melodrama from things like Little Revolución. Was he actually more hurt that Minkowski and Hilbert made such a good team? That every time he thought he and Minkowski might be united in some small thing, she and Hilbert showed that they too were united and he was on the outside? And no wonder he feels such an affinity for Hera: also the outsider, sniped at by Minkowski and dismissed by Hilbert. He treats her the way he wants to be treated: which isn't entirely the correct way to treat her because she is right. There is a chasm between them, and it needs to be acknowledged. But it's a better way than Minkowski or Hilbert, and it calls to something in her, as we see here.

I know from the last couple points, it may seem like I don't like Doug. Which couldn't be further from the truth! I like him a lot, as much because of the flaws we're seeing revealed as anything else. Because if he can transcend those flaws, he has the potential to become something extraordinary. For all his silliness and insecurity, he brims with empathy and I adore him for it. The way he flirts! actually omg flirts with Hera, uses humor to reach out and bridge that chasm, to say see I see you; I believe in you. is one of the most powerful moments in the episodes. And when he tells her that she's smarter and stronger than Hilbert could ever believe: I wonder how much that's him telling her what he wishes someone had told him? This is a man after all who wanted to go on a deeply dangerous mission for years on end that's light-years away from Earth; still waters run deep.

Hilbert simultaneously infuriates and intrigues me. We get that marvelous soliloquy about the fear of being alone and what it signifies about the great unknown in ep 11. We have such intelligence! in this ep--like I was really on the verge of liking him merely because he was so damn quick and clever at figuring out that there was no way the music could be coming from Earth. And there was an odd gentleness in Extreme Danger Bug, when he was telling Doug to be still and that he would be right back. He wasn't just calm, which I might have expected on the theory that remaining calm keeps your patient calm; he was actively gentle Ok admittedly, his admission that he *thought* the antivenom would work was shitty bedside manner. But there was something that prompted him to be kind in that moment. So he can be oddly poetic, he's intelligent as hell, and he clearly has the ability to feel empathy. And yet, he actively chooses to betray these people he's been with for nearly two years! with no outside prompting! And yet. And yet there's something almost regretful when he says that Hera is gone--despite that he was the one that ripped her to shreds (I wanted to reach through the screen and throttle the bastard for that). He doesn't monologue at them after he takes over; he's immediately all business. There's no triumph in this coup, no personal vendetta being fulfilled. It's almost like it's a logical step, a necessary part of a formula or equation or something. And there's something almost...quietly wry in his question to Minkowski about whether it would change anything. Like he's almost regretful or tired. This's why I keep snagging on the idea that it's humans against their better selves that's part of what this show wants to explore. Because he knows what he's doing is wrong! and it's going to be fascinating to see if there're ever any mitigating circumstances or if he ever comes to regret his choices.

Going back to monologuing for a minute, I love how this show subverts tropes left and right. It's not the villain who foolishly monologues and gives away their advantage, but the hero. I was screaming at the monitor for a minute straight begging Doug to pls pls for the love of God shut up you're talking to a really brilliant scientist wtf are you doing! And his arrogance, or generously overconfidence, had horrific consequences. And yet, in another thing that made me utterly adore him, there was no great swearing of revenge, no shouting that it was unfair. Just a deep, exhausted realization that he'd fucked up, that they'd lost so much and their world was irreversibly altered.

The way show is utterly fearless in playing with your expectations still takes my breath away. The way it opens with Minkowski being so happy about preparing Christmas dinner--about trying to bring this mismatched crew together in something, stubborn and fiercely determined even when she has to know it won't go well. It makes you think that the first part of the episode will end happily. That they'll all be sitting around, eating dinner, bonded into something like a family by the extraordinary thing they've just done together--discovering first life outside of Earth is a hell of a present after all. You expect there to be governmental complications, of course, but you expect the core team to be all right. The way that rug is utterly jerked from beneath you, and the tension never really abates is masterful. Always before, our crew's been battered at the end of eps, exhausted or angry, but Doug's always found some humorous closing, even if it were melodramatic as hell. There's no humor at the end of this, just uncertainty about their next moves and about Hera, just two people clinging together. And that gradual tonal shift Gabriel's been enacting all season is finally complete. We've shifted into another gear, and he's weaned us a little more off what the show originally was and prepared us for what I'm hoping it'll become.

And in the vein of plot: the Hilbert reveal was Barr none, the most masterful reveal of its kind I've ever seen. There's always this niggling question with most reveals: but how could they not have noticed? But we get that answered, over and over. They do *notice* They notice that the physicals are out of the ordinary; Doug even suspects that Hilbert's doing something to him with the cigarette candy! But even the audience is convinced that Doug is an unreliable narrator there, that Hilbert is fundamentally a good person if a shitty doctor. And he keeps saying that he's not a doctor, but a scientist. So we put all his irregularities down to that. And having been fooled as the audience, we understand on a gut level how the characters could be fooled, would just shrug off what they saw as odd.

This episode feels like...the easiest metaphor would be a Chinese puzzle box, but that's not quite right. It feels like a wide-panning camera shot, wherein we finally see a full glimpse of the canvas. And it's as utterly terrifying as those moments when we finally see glimpses of the beasts we've only seen in profile in a horror film. Command actively wanted Doug and Minkowski dead. They actively wanted Hilbert in control, and the question, the terrifying, overarching question is why. And what will they do when they realize they've failed? It was terrifying enough to think of these people dealing with first contact with the full support of command, but with a hostile command, and a mutiny....yeah, I'm so, so ready for season 2. And in closing, I'm amazed and delighted that while weaving together so many lose threads, they managed to make Minkowski's obsession with the space manual from EP 1 important. I love Minkowski so. so much, with her need for order, and her obsession with obscure protocol that saves their asses every. single. time.

[chemicalmagecraft]

I Would Totally Kick Jiraiya’s Butt Chapter 8

Feb 17

Decided to keep a journal for stuff I'd rather not forget. And maybe for some sort of journal entry interlude or something?

Feb 19

Got the stuff for Gaara's seal today. Also got some other stuff too, but I'm going to be working on my demon sage core project for the next two months or so, so I probably won't be looking over those until after fixing Gaara. Probably bad form to work on more than one other project at a time...

Checked the Inner Demon Calming Seal Kazekage sent me. Regulator's working fine, so it was lack of actual use that caused it to absorb more red chakra. I'd say it filled the other seal up about sixty percent at three times the absorbed ckakra, so I should need about two more. Assuming nobody screws up any of the seals. Might end up needing to siphon some chakra from Gaara.

Talked with Kurama. Apparently the issue is less with Gaara's seal and more with Shukaku's aggressiveness and chakra control. Apparently Shukaku has the most control out of any of the bijū on account of having one tail. And he also trains his chakra control or something? So that's gonna be a nightmare. Probably gonna need to make a self-repairing seal. Maybe different modes?

Feb 24

FINALLY! I finally got my hacked senjutsu almost working! I might not be able to use it in a non-sneak attack fight, but at least I don't have to wait an hour to do stuff with it. Plus I shouldn't have to wait at all to assimilate singular insects into the incomplete demon sage core, at least if I wait a bit between uses at first. Now I just need to get a massive amount of bugs to sacrifice. Why didn't they use animals for philosopher stones in FMA? They have souls and people already slaughter cows. Actually could I use animals for the Edo Tensei sacrifice? It already reshapes the body... Should ask Kurama the rules on that. Where was I?

Right, I should probably actually start working on Gaara's seal. I was kind of paid in advance...

Feb 25

If I don't get some help with this I'm going to start to hate fuinjutsu and that would be bad. How else am I going to learn how to teleport? I don't think that the Shōraigan bends space-time that much...

Right, Kurama's willing to help. And judging from how Ai was able to keep up with me when I was telling her how to do the Inventory Hotbar Seal and even offered suggestions whereas Tenko lost us immediately, she might just be a good addition to Seal Team. And her being on Seal Team might inspire Tenten and Naruto to learn fuinjutsu...

On another note, apparently I can use animals for Edo Tensei, but only if what I'm trying to bring back is the same species and I change the formula to work for that animal. Assuming animals even have an afterlife. Dang.

Feb 26

Seal Team is go, baby! Plus, while I was there I managed to get Naruto to join Tenten in training chakra control by telling him I felt like it could be useful in the future then giving him an over-exaggerated wink. It's almost like he thought I could see the future. Weird. Why would he think that?

Mar 1

Seal team is great. We've started work on a seal to isolate Shukaku from Gaara without hampering his powers.

And speaking of powers, my other project is going well too. I got Neji to join in with bug-collecting, so the demon sage core is going real well. Though I did have to drain the demon sage chakra in the Demon Sage Seal on my body to a tag so I wouldn't turn into a fox. It'd be cool if I could reverse it, but alas. The second stage symptoms of crystallization and/or petrification were also a little scary. I mean, it's cool when I do it to my enemies/victims, but not on me.

Mar 9

Got another tag from Kazekage. Useful data.

Eighty percent.

Mar 14

Completed first demon sage core. Hopefully the next one will be faster. They keep coming to it. Almost like they're drawn to the natural energy.

Mar 18

We're done with the general structure of the seal. Will begin testing soon.

Starting on making a demon sage tag for Ai. This will be fun.

Mar 23

Seal still in progress. Looking good though.

Got another from Kazekage. Seal complete. Beginning integration.

Mar 24

Integration complete. Took longer than I thought.

Now I just have to figure out how to use it.

Apr 1

I͚͙̦̰ ͖̹a̕m̢̞̐̕͢ ̷͟b͍̬̙͕̯͉͉͈ͣ̿̓̎̑ͩ̚̚ẹ̯̠̙̼͕̯̟̭̪̃ͦ̒ͫ̎͐͋̈́͛͐ć͔͓͔̝̱̺̞̇ͬ͋̈ͩ̓o̸͗̋̆̑̊͆́̋̅ͦ̀҉͚͎͕̗̥̻͚̼̻̱̻m̤̝͉̫͔̭̰̗̣̥ͧ͑ͦ͋̔̈ͨͮͭ̃̇͜ͅe ̝̜ͩͧD̬͉̯̭̭̹̬̖͍̹̜̮͇͕̩e̩̼͓͙̩̖̝a̴҉̜͉̭̲̤ť̷̠̙͇͍̦̺̘̰̹͙͕̜̋̋͛̄̽ͬ̾̿̓́̚h̰̹͔͖͕͙̪̥͕̯,̥̫̱̖̝̳̠͉͐ͤ̈́ͥ̓̐̎͆͘ ̵̤̫̠͎̹̯̳̮̖̱͟d͎̬̥́͞͡e̢̊ͦ̍̔̔͗̈́ͭ͌̉ͫ̆̎s̶̢̱̺̗̦͓̻̈̈ͪͯͩͮ̀tͦ͆̀̾̃ͧ̾ͯ́̑҉̷̣̰̬̰̘̜͓͙͕́ͅr͞҉͚͝o̱̺̲̩̰͔̫̲̩̠͈̊̎ͤ͑̎̋̂ͨ̄ͤ̋̚ͅȳ͇͚̣͍̜̞̭̤̠ͩ͒ͬ̔ͥ̅̑͒è̢̙͍̻͖͖̣̗̞̥͍̕ͅŗ̵͋͒ ̶̭̼͎̤̰̗̦̥̬͕̖̕o̵̳̯̻͓͎͔̍ͯͦͩ̿ͫf͇̪̪̉͛̍ ̢̡͖͚͇̪̦̹͇̿́̅͗͋̃͂ͬ͠ͅw̱̜͍͍̩̲͔͚̱̮͒̓͐̊̽͆̊͌̅͆͘͟o͈̙̩r̢̡̦̙̙͎̭̘̘̤͚̦̭͔̐̃͌͗̓̃ͭͫ̿̽̂̄͟l̸̋̈́̒̂̌̎ͥ̚̕d̛͞͏̻͚͕̱̠͉͈̺̤̻̠̞͔͍ş̸̦̱̤͙͔̣̼̮̮̜͂ͤ̒ͨ̾͒͑̊̿ͦͨ́ͅ.͎̩̭̫̣̏͛̽̚̚͞

That was murder on my wrist... Happy April Fools!

Right, so that was because I figured out how to use magnet release with red chakra. Can't do much with it yet, but I can use it. I'm floating a senbon as I write this!

Apr 2

Tried to reason with Shukaku. Never doing that again. On the plus side I confirmed that I can use any source of red chakra of the Bijū I've acquired to extend my telepathic range.

Apr 3

Second demon sage core almost done. I also think I realized how Power of the White Snake works. From what it does to its users, it seems like it takes advantage of natural energy overload, much like how the demon sage cores work. Probably why Kabuto was so sure only White Snake Sages could use Muki Tensei.

Lightbulb.

Apr 7

Core done. Idea works. Fun times.

Apr 11

The seal is done. Well, as done as it can be without looking over Gaara.

Talked to Hokage. Kazekage's sending over an escort. Well, I did it two days ago because I foresaw needing to talk to the Hokage about having the Kazekage send over an escort. Future vision is fun.

kukukuku~

A twenty-something-year-old Baki walked into the office of the Hokage. For it was he who was given the honor to help escort this enigmatic master of fuinjutsu from their home of Konohagakure no Sato to his home village to fix the seal of the jinchuriki. Just two months ago, this mystery had offered their services through the Hokage and added in a seemingly miraculous seal that could have even worked as a permanent solution. All they asked for was a few jutsu in return. Baki had practically jumped at the opportunity to see just what kind of person this seal master was when the Kazekage had offered him the mission. "I am here to accept my mission, Hokage-sama," he said with a bow. "Where is the one I am to escort to my village?"

The Hokage sighed. "He's... behind you..." He seemed to be slightly annoyed by what he said.

Baki turned around to see that a small child in all white, with a short-sleeved shirt and shorts, plus white arm and leg warmers for some reason, had appeared from the shadows behind him. The only two articles of clothing that weren't white were a pair of red crystal "earrings" that seemed to have no connecting point to his ears and were just floating under the earlobes, without even having holes for them, and sunglasses perched on the child's long brown hair. "Sup," I said. By the way, that's me. I was describing me. "Your name is Baki, right?"

He just stared at me for a bit, face completely unchanged, before turning back to Saru and saying, "No, seriously."

The Hokage sighed again. "I know, but he is indeed the one you are looking for."

Baki slowly turned back to face me. "Aren't you... a little young to be a seal master?"

I internally laughed at the opportunity to make the joke. "Yes, yes I am."

"How?"

I shrugged. "I'd like to think that I'm a genius, but honestly about half of it is just the fact that I don't need to sleep every day and I only really socialize with my friends as many days as I sleep."

He stared at me. "Are you okay?"

"I said I don't need to sleep, not that I don't sleep." I traced a finger over one of my eye markings and prepared to give the explanation we'd prepared for my other Kekkei Genkai powers for those not in the know. "Kekkei Genkai-type mutation, Nocturne." Just because the power's a fabrication doesn't mean it can't have a classy name. Plus it's listed as that in non-classified documents. "Imagine the legendary stamina of the Uzumaki, but with the mind instead of the body. I also have slightly increased sensitivity to light, which is why I have the glasses, and the ability to generate light from the white dots under my eyes. It makes nighttime studying easy and sleeping any more than one out of four days a waste of time."

Baki took that in for a moment. "Not a power that seems readily useful in battle, but the things I could accomplish with just one night a week..."

I nodded. "And because of my special interest in Bijū and some other factors, I am perhaps the one human who knows the most about that particular subject, which includes their sealing. Hyūga Kouki."

"A pleasure. I was told that there was a shinobi from here that will be joining us?"

"He's almost here," I confirmed.

The door burst open, permitting a green-wearing young adult. "I AM HERE!" he exclaimed.

"Maito Gai," I introduced. "He might look and act like a total spaz, but he's probably the best taijutsu user in Konoha. Thanks for protecting me, Maito-san."

He gave me his trademark twinkly-smile-and-thumbs-up and said, "Please, just call me Gai!" He turned to Baki. "And that goes for you too, my comrade from Suna!"

"Nice to meet you, I'm Baki," he replied after a moment of confusion.

Saru cleared his throat. "Right, Baki and Gai. Your mission is to escort Kouki-kun here to Sunagakure so he can perform services he has promised to the Kazekage, and escort him back when he is done. While Baki must defer to Kazekage-sama while in his village, you are to ensure that no harm befalls Kouki-kun. Good luck."

kukukuku~

I held on to my parasol as tight as possible as Gai jumped from tree to tree with me on his back. What? It's not like I can keep up with two adult ninja... "If you don't mind me asking, Hyūga-san, have you looked over the jutsu scrolls Kazekage-sama sent you?" Baki asked me. "I know most of them, so I will be able to answer any questions you should have about them."

"First, I'm fine with you calling me Kouki. Second, I was only comfortable taking on one other project while I was working on Gaara's problem because it wasn't just for me, and I'd already picked up a pretty massive project." I pulled one of the scrolls from my seals. "I've got them on me, though."

"How did you do that?" he asked.

"Seal master."

"Ah. Do you at least have prior experience in wind release?" he asked me. I replied by raising a finger and flashing a Dragon Claw. "That's impressive. That jutsu looks like it'll translate well to some of the jutsu in the scrolls." We talked about the wind jutsu in the scrolls and some other wind release-related stuff, though I wasn't able to put much of my new knowledge into practice because of my awkward position riding on Gai's back. Most of the jutsu were of the cutting type, but there were also a few of the strike and gust types. 

Those are my own terms for them, by the way. They weren't sorted into any type or anything. It was all pretty enlightening, though, and I managed to test out an idea for a wind release jutsu that I'd had for a while. And sheared a branch off a tree we were passing by. After a while, though, I felt something in our path. "Stop." I said. Apparently we were getting close to Kaze no Kuni at that point, so the trees were getting more sparse. Gai dropped to the ground to let me off, with Baki following his lead despite not having a Kouki to drop off. I offered to make him one so he wouldn't feel left out, but for some reason he didn't want it. Said it was creepy or something. So anyway, after I dropped off of Gai, I said, "So just to clarify, if we meet and get attacked by bandits they're probably going to have to die, right?"

"Why do you want to know that?" Baki asked me suspiciously.

"Hey, you guys!" a rough-looking man holding a chokutō that looked suspiciously like Sasuke's said after popping out from behind a tree. "You're gonna have to pay a toll if you wanna get through here!"

Baki and Gai started to move, but I raised my hand in that in "stop" command. "What happens if we don't?" I asked evenly.

He laughed and four other men with various weapons emerged from the scenery and they all walked closer to us. Within my throwing range, at least. "Well then we're gonna have to kill you, little man. You may be a kid, but we don't really care all that much, do we boys?"

One of the bandits, a bit of a dopey-looking guy holding a spear, raised his hand and said, "Actually, I kinda do. Feels a little wrong."

The leader sighed loudly. "Well the rest of us ain't little bitches. Right, boys?" The boys in question all gave some kind of affirmation and in the same breath mocked the spear-wielder. "Fuck off, Takehiko. We'll handle this." Takehiko walked off dejectedly, though he hid behind a tree. Loyalty, I guess. "Right, so we might let you off easy if you give us those fancy little earrings you have there. They might fetch a pretty penny."

"You can't expect him to just give them up!" Gai shouted. I shrugged, took them off, and tossed them at him. They landed on the ground near the bandits. "Why!?" he asked.

I smirked and made a totally superfluous half ram seal. "False Sage Art: Akuma Tensei," I intoned. The ground around the demon sage cores shifted and softened, making the bandits sink in slightly. The softened ground rose up, further engulfing the bandits as the mounds of earth reshaped into blob monsters. "That's why."

"Hah!" the leader chortled. "You wouldn't be lookin' so smug if you didn't have these freaky monsters on your side! Let me out and face me like a man! No cheap tricks!"

I gave him a flat look. "First, not that you'd know, but the jutsu I'm using on you involves the use of yin-yang release, red chakra, and sage chakra. That is three-fourths of what the repertoire of the Sage of Six Paths was at the height of his power. That 'cheap trick' is the culmination of months of hard work and is an A-rank jutsu at least. Second, you are asking a small child to fight you on equal footing. You realize this, right?"

"Yeah! I'll kill you!"

I sighed and snapped my fingers. The earth shifted so that the man was ejected from the monster. "You do realize that you're gonna die, right?" I asked as I shifted my glasses onto my eyes. He started charging at me, but his swing hit air. "That's not going to work," I told him from his side, wisps of red chakra curling off of my body. I took a moment to smile at the sight. I was pretty sure that me radiating was the first step of forming a tailed cloak, which was awesome. He tried to punch me in the face, but I dodged again, reaching his back. I struck him with a single pseudo-Jūken strike to the Gate of Pain. 

I am a Hyūga, after all. 

He dropped his sword and hunched over in pain from the corrosive effects of the chakra that I just pumped into one of his eight inner gates. And of course, he collapsed like a puppet with its strings cut a few moments later when the damage spread to his spinal cord or something. "Right, so that's why you don't fight someone confirmed to have red chakra unless you're Jōnin or higher," I commented as I cut off the red chakra and lifted my sunglasses. "What's the verdict on killing again, Baki?"

He took a few moments to remember that oh yeah, I asked him a question. "They'd have to die eventually. If you can't do it, I'm fine taking them out for you."

"Thanks, but that won't be necessary," I said, then made an ox seal, calming my mind to try and not freak out about what I was about to do. "I probably won't be able to get this much raw material again for a while." I took a moment to look over their memories to see if they really deserved to die. 

Disgusted by what I saw, I continued, drawing natural energy into the red chakra within the leader's body while also ordering the demon sage cores to convert the others. All three of them, much like the hundreds of insects before them, compressed in on themselves and turned into red crystal, though they looked more like they were going through Orochimaru's Curse Seal transformation instead of a second stage chakra cloak. When the process was done, all three of them had turned into three demon sage cores each. With a mental command, all nine floated over to me, taking their weapons with them. I sealed the chokutō, kama, and axe away and placed one sage core each under each of my arm and leg warmers, one each under my sleeves and pant legs, then placed the ninth back on my sternum. Finally, I put the magical earrings back "on" my ears. "And I suggest you quit this life before something like that happens to you," I said in the general direction of that one Takehiko guy. He bravely ran away away like a brave Sir Robin.

"Was... was that how you made the other two?" Baki asked me nervously.

I shrugged and licked my lips. "Yes and no. I used almost exclusively insects to make them. But I do need live animals of to make demon sage cores." I looked up at the dusky sky. "If you two are tired we could stop for the night."

kukukuku~

I licked my lips as I lightly warmed my marshmallow over the fire. S'mores are amazing. Baki stared at me in bewilderment. "Why..." he started to ask before trailing off."

"Hmm?" I asked. One of the owls on my shoulder hooted. "Are you referring to my fine, feathery friends?"

"Yes, why are there birds roosting on you?"

I patted one of the owls on the head with my free hand. "I don't really know why, but it seems that birds and other animals are attracted to sage chakra, which is in my demon sage cores."

"I suppose that that makes sense. So what was that you said about having the powers of the Sage of Six Paths?" Baki asked.

"Technically yes, but on paper only," I explained, then unsealed the other ingredients of the s'more. "Saying that I have the power of the Sage is like saying a genin has the power of the Raikage because he knows one lightning jutsu." I thought for a moment as I took a bite out of my s'more. "Actually," I said after I swallowed, "it's more like saying I was like whatever Kage-level ninja is best known for wind release back a month or so ago when I only knew two weak wind jutsu solely based on my ability to use a basic, home-brewed wind jutsu or two."

"The fact that you have developed that ability, even as weak as it is, is amazing!" Gai said, giving me a thumbs-up.

"Thanks," I said and gave him a little smile. "Hey, I don't suppose you could give me some pointers about taijutsu?" I asked.

"Your youthful power is already impressive for one of your age. I'm not sure what I could tell you to improve your abilities."

I sighed. "That's only if I use a draining power boost. Without it, I'm only barely stronger than your average little kid. Plus, if I up my base abilities, then the power-up will be even more effective."

He grinned. "In that case I will teach you what you need to know to have the power of your youth explode!" We then proceeded to have a long talk about fitness and youth until I put him to bed because he was tuckered out.

[thecoroutfitters]

I sometimes wonder if Congress is capable of doing anything good in today’s modern society. As best as I can tell, the legislative branch of the government, which the framers of the Constitution specified as being the only branch of the government to create new laws, has lost much of its original function.

Between the courts creating law from the bench and the (former) president using Executive Orders, it seems that Congress is passing less and less laws, with less and less impact, these days.

Now it seems that they are more about spending money and increasing the size of government, than they are about actually creating new laws. Much of that ends up doing little more than causing problems, especially giving the various agencies in the Executive Branch an opportunity to create new regulations to control our lives and hamper businesses.

Part of the platform that President Trump ran under was the promise to reduce government regulations. One of his earliest actions upon assuming the presidency was to issue an executive order stating that for every new regulation any government agency promulgates, they must get rid of two old ones.

Trump is a businessman above all so, much of what he is doing is being done from that viewpoint. His war on regulations is a prime example of this. All regulations cost individuals and businesses money, so by reducing regulations, he is trying to reduce the cost to businesses, thereby creating a better business environment.

Government regulation has become the bane of businesses, especially small businesses. Large corporations can afford staffs of lawyers to read all those regulations and determine what actions the corporation must take to follow them.

But the small business owner can’t afford that. They have to depend on their own ability to understand the miles of red tape the government produces, a task at which they are usually woefully inadequate.

Yet the largest part of our economic growth, especially the creation of new jobs, comes from those small businesses. So by creating mountains of regulations, government agencies are stifling the very businesses which we need the most; those that are growing the economy.

Yes, there are places where we need the government to create laws and regulations, but the idea of the government putting their sticky fingers in every aspect of life and business is counterproductive. At a minimum, they hurt the economy, and at the worst, they destroy people’s lives.

Here’s Why We Can Never Win This War!

Trying to protect one thing, like the environment, with more regulations, usually hurts some other part of society. Often an area that the creators of the regulations never even thought about (usually because that area is not part of their purview).

Herein lies one of the biggest problems of big government. In an attempt to protect society, government agencies actually stifle the very society they are supposedly trying to protect. They do it by not taking everything into consideration, when they create the new regulations.

I have to say, while a lot of the blame belongs to government agencies creating regulations, a fair amount of it belongs to Congress as well. Bills are getting longer and longer, becoming more and more complicated all the time.

Remember Nancy Pelosi’s comment that the House of Representatives would have to pass the Obamacare bill, so that they could see what was in it? The bill was literally too long and complicated for the members of Congress to read and understand. And look where that’s gotten us.

Like much of what comes out of Washington these days, Obamacare is a perfect example of the Law of Unintended Consequences. There have been countless problems with the rollout of Obamacare and countless people hurt by it. Have people been helped? Yes, especially those who had pre-existing medical conditions and those who were newly eligible for Medicaid. But it probably hurt as many people as it helped, if not more.

Did the creators of Obamacare know that it was going to hurt millions of people? We’ll never truly know. The cynical side of me says that they knew and didn’t care, purposely lying so that they could take that step towards socialized medicine. But my cynicism isn’t proof of anything and shouldn’t be taken as if it is.

Each and every law; each and every regulation, has unintended consequences. That alone seems to be adequate reason to avoid passing new laws and regulations, especially the massive ones that Washington is becoming infamous for. Maybe short, simple laws can be passed without a lot of that happening, but the monstrosities that we’re seeing today clearly can’t.

Enter Net Neutrality Bill

Of course, every major law being presented in Congress is becoming a media circus today, rather than a serious action on behalf of our government. Bills are being given deceptive names and descriptions, in order to gain public favor and push our elected representatives into passing laws that don’t do what their public image promises they will do.

The media, too lazy to really read the proposed bills and regulations, grabs hold of those printed sound bites and runs with them, creating a false narrative that is more propaganda than anything else.

Net Neutrality was one of those. Two years ago, during Obama’s second term in office, Net Neutrality was pushed through, not as a bill in Congress, but as a regulation promulgated by the FCC. To do so, the FCC had to take the stand that internet access was a public utility, giving them the right to regulate it.

But why was this even considered? Was the internet broken? Was there something seriously wrong, which Net Neutrality sought to correct? Or was this just one more example of the government meddling in things they didn’t need to meddle in?

The core of Net Neutrality was the idea that all information crossing the internet should be given the same priority and be sent along at the same speed.

Video first seen on TheBlaze.

Big companies shouldn’t be given any preference over small companies. At least, that’s the way it was sold to the American people. The whole propaganda campaign associated with Net Neutrality was to protect the little guys on the internet from the big guys.

But here’s the kicker; many of the biggest internet companies actually supported Net Neutrality. How does that fit in with reigning them in? You can be sure that those big companies didn’t support the idea out of altruism. There must have been some benefit to them, or they would have been speaking out against it.

There was an advantage. Net Neutrality only dealt with ISPs, Internet Service Providers. The big internet Corporations are their own ISPs, so they can readily avoid anything having to do with Net Neutrality.

But the little guys are controlled by it. So, the advantage actually goes to the very same companies which are supposed to be reined in by Net Neutrality.

This past week the FCC undid Net Neutrality, taking it back off the books and making things like they were before. I’d have to say, in today’s political climate, that was an incredible act of moral courage.

All too many times, bad laws and bad regulations stay in place, just because everyone is afraid to eliminate them and catch the political backlash for doing so.

What This Really Needed?

Of course, those on the political left have been going bananas over this, with each one trying to outdo the other in their declarations about the internet apocalypse that is about to occur. Internet apocalypse? It seems to me that the internet was working just fine before Net Neutrality existed.

But it’s easy to sell a narrative like that, when the people who are consuming the propaganda are ignorant to the issue. And if there is anywhere where the average person has plenty of chance to be ignorant, it’s the internet. The colossus we refer to as the internet is too complicated for most people to understand. It takes years of study and training to even get to the beginning of truly understanding it.

My son is a high-level network engineer, working for an ISP. Even though I used to be an engineering manager, when he talks about his work, the bandwidth is so high, that I’m barely catching the bottom edge of it. The things he needs to know, in order to do his job, are so technical that there’s no way for me to follow.

Yet we have lawmakers and pundits trying to act as if they are experts on this highly technical field. They’re not. In many cases, all they are doing is spouting off their party’s talking points, while mixing in a little fear mongering for flavor.

Let me give you just one simple example of how Net Neutrality hurts everyone; the telephone. Today, most long-distance phone calls travel over the internet. Unlike movies, which are able to stream faster than they are viewed, spooling on the user’s computer to avoid interruption, phone calls can’t do that. They aren’t pre-recorded, they’re live. So they can’t spool. They have to go out in real time. What that means is that if telephone calls aren’t given priority on internet lines, there will be pauses in the call, caused by other traffic butting in.

Here’s another one for you. One of the major corporations who have supported Net Neutrality is Netflix. It just so happens that they are one of the biggest consumers of internet bandwidth, as high-definition video takes an enormous amount of bandwidth to transmit. What this means is that your search for anything on the internet is slowed down, at least to some extent, by Netflix streaming video to your friends, neighbors and others you don’t know.

Should Netflix have the same priority as someone who is trying to make a few bucks with their blog? Should they have a higher priority? Well, since they are such a big customer, they don’t have to work through an ISP. That means that Net Neutrality gave them an advantage over the small guy, trying to run his blog. Is that fair?

Eliminating Net Neutrality is going to have unintended consequences; I guarantee it. I’m sure that we’ll be hearing stories of it, compliments of the mainstream media. They were against the elimination of Net Neutrality from the outset, just because that’s the liberal point of view. So you can be sure that they’re already chomping at the bit to tell us all what a disaster its elimination has been, even if they have to stretch the truth to do so.

Even so, eliminating Net Neutrality is going to have positive effects as well, specifically for the consumer. Any time regulations are eliminated, it frees up businesses to be more competitive. So, chances are we’re going to see new products coming out of ISPs in the next few months.

I can’t tell you what they’ll be, because I don’t know. But they should save consumers money, by giving them what they want and need, rather than what someone else tells them they want and need. And that’s a good thing.

What do you think?

This article has been written by Bill White for Survivopedia.

from Survivopedia Don't forget to visit the store and pick up some gear at The COR Outfitters. How prepared are you for emergencies? #SurvivalFirestarter #SurvivalBugOutBackpack #PrepperSurvivalPack #SHTFGear #SHTFBag

[npc041188]

Gluttony & Paladin

Gluttony Demon Prince ��� Dumas

50th Floor – Dungeons Master's Room

437th year 8th month 12th day alive

Waking, I gave my usual deep sigh before opening my eyes. I was greeted by the usual sight of my large room with various trinkets near my throne, what I suppose could be called my living space.  

There was a large mirror on the wall that allowed me to see anywhere in my dungeon, it had its uses but I barely used it, entertainment rarely happens since I became Master of the dungeon.

There is a wardrobe that supplies me with various clothes, should I feel the need or desire to change them, or wear any at all. I've been wearing my current clothes for at least 4 months now, what once looked like regale clothes were now tatters that stuck to me out of sheer filth.

There was no bed, instead all I had was this large throne my predecessor had left me, a demon far bigger than I. it was made purely of stone and had little comfort to it, but you get used to it.

Finally, the last things worth mentioning were the small trophies I had collected over the years since becoming Master, things I kept from those who tried to kill me to either defeat the dungeon or take my position. In truth each fight wasn't that great but they gave me mild amusement to remember them.

Sitting up I pealed my shirt off my back and front, nothing but my own movements making a sound in my room, there wasn't even dripping water. The silence could drive a lesser demon insane if they weren't careful.

Giving my shirt a sniff I cringed, the combined smells of old blood, rotting guts, mud, sweat and various other unknown scents emanated off it. It puzzled me how anything other than maggots could get used to the smell.

Climbing off my throne I tore the shirt off me, as well as my trousers for good measure and strode over to the wardrobe, opening it and throwing the clothes into it and slamming the door shut, the sound echoing around the room and breaking the silence if only for a few seconds.

Above me a large sphere of water formed, before raining down on me and washing away the dirt and stink from my person. Brushing my hand through my long hair I removed any dirt or clotted blood or even bone fragments I found, making sure to clean between the scales on my curved horns. I wasn't as obsessed with hygiene or smelling nice like humans were, but I felt that as Master of the dungeon I should take some pride in my appearance.

Once I had finished cleaning myself I swept my arm over my body and, pulling the water off my body and throwing it away onto the floor and walls, I instantly dried myself. Opening the wardrobe again I found a new set of clothes, this time including a pair of tough looking boots, which I admit I was happy to see, I'd walked bare foot through the dungeon enough for now.

"Not too bad" I thought to myself as I checked my reflection in the mirror; a slightly baggy shirt with frills on the end of the sleeves, smooth silk pants and some comfortable, tough boots to complete the look. "Now that's sorted, time to catch me some food"

The space between my throne and the doors was massive, allowing for plenty of room when fighting, and minimizing damage to my stuff as well. Striding across the gap I pulled open the doors and was met by the two four-armed cyclops that were supposed to be the final challenge before myself.

"G'day m'lord" they said in unison as I stepped forwards

"Gekt. Hekt" I nodded in response. They weren't much for conversation but if they are anything like their brothers that I had to kill, Eekt and Fekt, to face the previous Master, then their skill and power more than made up for it.

I say brothers, but Demon's generally don't have siblings. Gekt and Hekt were simply made and born by and in the dungeon to fulfil the role of door guards, which are always four-armed cyclops.

"I'm going to catch some food, I'll be back later" I told them as I tried to pass them, only for them to place a giant hand each in front of me.

"Can't. Humans are here" said Gekt

"45th floor, moving quickly." Said Hekt.

"Humans," I thought as I sighed, knowing that I wouldn't get passed my guards with them so deep already. "why can't they die quickly and let me get something to eat. Although, if they're strong enough to get so deep they may provide some entertainment."

"How fast have they descended?" I asked either of the cyclops

"They entered 10 days ago" said Gekt

"Would've gotten deeper sooner, but mermaids and kelpies slowed them down" said Hekt

"One eye each yet they see more of the dungeon than I do." I pondered to myself about their chances of actually reaching me. To get so deep in 10 days was an impressive feat, especially for humans. As always, I was hungry, but to have someone challenging to fight was a rare treat and at the pace they were going they'd reach me in a day, maybe sooner.

"Very well, I'll wait for the humans to reach me, but send someone to fetch me some food." I ordered the cyclops, who removed their hands from my path as I returned to my room.

"Yes M'lord" said Gekt and Hekt together.

Closing the doors behind me I quickly moved over to the mirror. "45th floor, the humans" I ordered.

The surface of the mirror started to ripple, as if someone had thrown a pebble into a smooth lakes surface, and slowly the image of the humans came into focus before me. It was a party of six humans, four females and two males. Just from their garments you could tell how they fought.

There was a female wizard, with her long robes, staff and tome of spells.

Another of the females was a religious healer, what did the humans call them? A cleric. She too had a staff but hers was made of metal, whereas the wizards were made of wood. Her robes were adorned with symbols of her religion.

One of the women wore tight leather and moved lightly on her feet, she obviously preferred speed over brawn and the daggers and knives on her person were good for throwing. Was she an assassin or a thief?

The last woman was larger than the others, even taller than one of the males, and she carried a large broadsword. Various scars littered her muscular body which was covered in basic clothes, which has some rips and tears in them now, it was easy to guess how she fought.

On to the males. One of them used a bow, but what got me curious was that he had no arrows on him, he didn't even have an empty quiver on his back. That means he either left the quiver somewhere, or there's a trick to the bow I should be wary of.

Finally, the last male used a large mace and shield as his weapons, and wore metal armour, not a whole suit but rather pieces of it so as not to hamper his movement. He had his chest piece, his shoulder pieces reached his elbows, her wore grieves and had metal plates over his upper and lower parts of his legs and boots.

"So, these six are coming to kill me. They look competent enough." I thought to myself. I watched them for a while as they rested and patched up any wounds they'd gotten from their previous fight. Indeed, when they fought they worked almost seamlessly together, and their strength was the real thing. I couldn't help but smile, I finally had something to look forward to.

437th year 8th month 15th day alive

Three days.

It's been three days since I was informed of the humans and they still haven’t arrived. I’ve done little else but wait for their arrival, sitting on my throne, drumming my fingers, hoping to hear the clash of battle outside my door before they are opened and the humans stand before me.

Did I overestimate them? Surely, they can’t be dead.

I learned patience when I was a Lord, trying to master my hunger. But three days? Surely anyone would be reaching their limits after that. In anticipation of their arrival I’ve been bathing everyday so that when they look upon me they knew I was the final demon they’d face in this place, win or lose.

In three days I’ve formulated strategies to face them, some allowing me to defeat them quickly, some allowing them to gain the upper hand early on. Some ending with them as sculptures to adorn my room, one even ending with the men dead and the women as my sex slaves. Though truth be told that one was made out of shear boredom, who could ever find such small and young creatures sexually attractive I don’t know, beside other humans and true despot demons.

Jumping from the throne I dashed to the mirror, shouting for it to show me the humans. Surely, they had made a decent amount of progress in three days. But the scene revealed to me surprised me a little. All six of them wear beaten and exhausted, the male archer seriously wounded and was currently being healed by their Cleric. The others had simple bandages wrapped around their cuts.

Moving the mirror to show me the area they were in I recognized it easily, it was the room of the Snake Mother, what you could call the Second-in-Command of the dungeon. Checking the corpse, I saw her eyes had been pierced multiple times, but there were no arrows, that would’ve stopped a great number of her abilities, and as a great surprise her tongue had be sliced off and was laying on the floor near her head.

The more I inspected the body the more my anger and annoyance at the group disappeared, they were clearly skilled and knowledgeable on how to face demons. With the mouth hanging open I could see the inside of the Snake Mother’s mouth and some of her throat had been severely burned, was her poison breath flammable?

Not to mention great chunks of her body had been cleaved, ripped and chopped off. The room itself had damage to it, great chunks of the floor, walls and ceiling had parts smashed in and broken off. The battle had obviously gone on a long time, neither side willing to back down and wanting to kill the other. I wish I knew if the archer's injuries were simple accident or the deciding factor in this battle, a fool risking his life to give their friends an advantage isn’t something to be laughed at and simply ignored.

Seeing all six humans alive after all this time made me smile, they were tired but determined, they were weak but strong. Maybe after all this time I can something to look forward to.

“If they give themselves time to rest properly, and take extra precautions while moving through my level, they should be able to reach me with time to spare” wiping away the image on the mirror I sat back on my throne, my fingers tapping on the arm again. But how much longer would I have to wait? A day? Two? Giving the humans help of any kind was out of the question. I couldn’t order the demons to simply let them through, as if they'd listen to that kind of order anyway. I’m not able to go meet them either, thanks to Gekt and Hekt.

No, my only choice was to wait for them to come to me, if they could make it this far.

I was starting to get annoyingly hungry again, I’d have to send for food before the humans killed everything.

437th year 8th month 17th day alive

I awoke to loud crashing and roaring sounds outside my door, echoing throughout my room, noise bouncing off noise as I knew at once the two four-armed cyclopes were facing the humans. Leaping from my throne I checked with the mirror, and sure enough the eight of them were in a deadly battle. Laughing to myself I wiped away the image and prepared myself. The clothes I’d been wearing for the last few days were discarded by into the wardrobe, I washed and cleaned with much vigor, though there wasn’t much dirt, and I dressed.  

The clothes I'd be wearing while facing the humans I’ve been waiting for so long were leather pants, some boots with a good heel on them, and the shirt and large jacket just screamed power and position. The jacket itself was too large for me to wear so I draped it over my shoulders.

Now I could happily face such humans as a Gluttony Demon Prince and Master of this dungeon.

But even as I finished dressing and sat on my large throne the fight was still going on, and on it went for hours.

Eventually the roars of Gekt and Hekt became the single roar of Gekt or Hekt, and the fighting had become slower, all participants becoming exhausted after hours of fighting.

I admit, at some points I became bored of the sound of the battle, occasionally a sound I hadn’t heard before claiming my attention once again, until finally, after what must have been a half days battle, there was silence.

The final four-armed cyclops guardian had fallen.

But now what? With no noise outside my door I didn’t know if the humans were dead. If they weren’t surely they'd rest before trying to face me. The Snake Mother may have been the Second-in-Command but even she’d lose out to the power of the four-armed Cyclops, their power was second only to my own.

I was tempted to use the mirror to check how many had survived, when to my genuine surprise and amazement, the doors to my room were pushed open and all six humans stepped through.

I admit, I had dreamed of this moment several times; the humans stepping through my doors, their weapons and armour gleaming and sharpened, ready for battle. Sometimes we’d banter, sometimes we’d jump straight to the fighting. But never once did I see them as I do now.

They were all injured and beaten, exhaustion on all their faces, their weapons damaged and armour dented. It truly was a sorry sight to see, and they thought they could fight me in this condition?

I am a Glutton demon, but at that moment of me seeing them like that, my anger could match that of a Rage Demon. I was tempted to attack then and there, just slaughter them all; freeze them, drown them, shock them, tear them apart with my bare hands, even raping them came to mind to have them make up for the disappointment they put at my feet.

Thankfully, learning to control my instincts and wants is what allowed me to become a Prince.

I watched from my throne as they shuffled forwards towards me, at the foot of the stairs they stopped, the male with the mace pointing it at me and speaking.

“HYuu wiil fayss oos daemon”

Ah yes, the human tongue. I’d forgotten all about it, for creatures who lived such short lives they certainly knew how to make a complex language. Now that I think about it, I’m sure I’d heard depending where you go in the world the language could change completely. Humans.

Unlike the Gods, we demons didn’t have a lot of interactions with humans so we didn’t have many chances to learn them, what with being stuck in a dungeon and all. Well, except the lower beast demons that lived on the surface, but they were too dumb to understand languages anyway.

I didn’t want to face the humans as they were now, I wanted a fight I could remember fondly, one where it was truly life and death. I wanted a fight that could cure my boredom.

“Know, yuu rest. Fiyt whhen Strong”

Being a Prince came with many perks, thankfully learning something as simple as a vocalized language was easy when compared to some of the magic I know.

The humans looked at me surprised and confused for a moment before the leader spoke again

“What?”

This time I didn’t reply and I made no move, but I watched them as they watched me. Minutes passed before someone spoke up again, this time the wizard spoke

“Did hee say tu rest, and fiyt when Strong?” She asked the group aloud, I was thankful she didn’t whisper, it made learning their language easier.

“Don’ bee daft, he’ll attack the moment wee drop our guard” the large woman with the scars spoke, her accent was different from the others, but she spoke the same language.

“We’re not exactly at our strongest” the archer spoke “I feel he could kill us no problem, the way we are now.”

“It’s true, I could kill you all no problem right now,” as I spoke they looked at me shocked again, it was amusing. “But I want a good fight. Hard fight. Fight of lyfe and death. I am so bored, nothing too do here. Rest. Heal. Become strong so we can fight and have no regrets”

After I stopped talking there was a stunned silence, I could see them questioning everything going on and everything I said. Whispering to each other they were obviously questioning what they were going to do.

Attack and certainly die

Or  

Take their time to heal so there is a chance they live.

But could they trust me not to attack when they were resting? Could they take that chance?

After a small heated discussion, the lead male turned back to me and simply nodded. They group of humans then retreated to the far side of the room, as far away as they could get away from me, and set camp. I watched as they all quickly collapsed, the cleric getting to work and healing everyone the best she could.

After watching the humans healing themselves and fixing their equipment for a few hours I got bored, there was only so many times you could watch people do the same thing over and over. Leaving them to themselves I closed my eyes and simply waited, as there was nothing else for me to do.

I dropped in and out of sleep.

Even with the distance between us, thanks to my room the whispered carried over to where I was, though they were barely legible.

The next time I woke I heard somethings scraping against each other, then I heard a fire starting to crackle and burn. Something to keep them warm as they slept.

The next time I woke, I smelled something I had never smelled before. My mouth instantly began to drool, my hunger called for it like nothing ever before.

Fully awake I looked at the humans to see what they were doing, all of them were sat around the fire they had made. Was is the fire that smelled so delicious? I couldn’t really see as one of the men had their back to me and was blocking my view. I couldn't just go over to them and see what was going on, they'd think I was going to attack them. But my curiosity and hunger compelled me to know what was making that delicious smell.

Thankfully, there are still plenty of shadows in the room.

Closing my left eye, I cast a handy little spell I learned years ago, as long as there was darkness I could see out of it. Moving my ‘eye’ across the floor and up the wall I moved it to a point where I could see into the human's small camp.  

What I saw confused me.

The humans had rammed a stick through some meat and placed it above the fire. What were they doing? The meat had become a deep brown with some black parts on it, they kept turning it round and around and poking it. Surely, they were going to make themselves sick.

Was this their plan, to kill themselves instead of fighting me? Were they that big of a set of cowards?

I saw one speak, but his whisper was too low for me to hear from where I sat, the spell only let me see at a distance, not hear. A hindsight on my part.

I watched as the wizard pulled a water skin from her bag with several mugs, opening the skin she poured a bronze liquid into the mugs and passed them around while the leather clad woman started to cut the meat. No blood poured from it, only clear liquid I'd never seen before. Taking the stick, she pulled it off the fire and slid the meat onto some small metal discs. Once they all had some meat and drink, the humans said nothing.

They simply raised their mugs, nodded and took a gulp before eating the meat.

None of them died from eating the meat, in fact they seemed to enjoy it. Was it the meat causing the smell? But how? In my years of traveling the dungeon I've eaten every kind of meat available but none of it smelled that good, sure some of the organs tasted better than others but it never put a smile on my face like the smile the humans had on theirs at this moment.

Humans truly are weird creatures.

Had the humans thought up somethings we demons hadn’t? Had the gods given them something for their loyalty? I needed to know.

Slowly the smell of the meat disappeared but it still lingered, still fired up my hunger, and the humans slowly fell asleep, their fire dying out eventually.

I tried to get some sleep as well, though it was difficult.

Before the fight, I needed to know, I had to ask what the humans had done to that meat.

437th year 8th month 18th day alive

What sleep I did get was light, the memory of the smell and my want for it kept waking me up. When I decided to wake properly I saw the humans finishing the preparations for out fight. Sharpening their blades, checking their armour etc.

Since I used no weapons I just watched them, even with the distance between us I could sense their determination, their resolve. We all knew that today either they died, or I did.

I must confess I’m so excited even my hunger for the smell and weird meat was silenced. Truly this will be the fight I wished for, and for that I was actually thankful to the humans.

When the time came, when all preparations were complete, when their focus and determination was at its highest, the group of humans approached me, and just like yesterday, the leader raised his mace and pointed it at me.

“You will face us Demon,” he said as he matched my gaze “You have our thanks for letting us rest and heal, though we know it was for your own purpose. But in return, we swear to fight you at our best and hold nothing back.”  

Whether it be Demon, god or human, finding such conviction is rare, and I now fully knew I was right to wait, to face them at their best. I couldn’t help but smile at the group before me. I was tempted to attack them now, to face them with this atmosphere that put us all in the mood for battle. But unfortunately, I had to break it, I Had to know what they were doing last night.

“Before we begin, tell me, what were you doing with the meat yesterday?”

Instantly the tension was gone, fill with confusion on the human's parts. I almost wanted to apologize for ruining the mood.

“The… meat?” The cleric asked, her voice higher and more innocent than I would’ve thought.

“The meat that you ate, putting it over the flame and turning it before eating it. I have never smelled anything like it in all my life, it awakened my hunger like never before”

“Are you… talking about us cooking the meat?” The cleric asked again, the rest of the party looking at each other as if they couldn’t believe I’ve never heard of this ‘Cooking’ before.

“Yes. Tell me, are humans able to cooking other things as well?” I tried to hide my excitement though I was doing a poor job. Cooking. How was it able to make meat smell so good? Could it make anything smell and taste great? I needed to know more.

Before answering again, the cleric looked at her friends before stepping forwards slight. “Humans have been learned to cook many things over the centuries. Unlike demons, we can easily get sick if we eat various meats, vegetable or plants raw. But we also want our food to taste good, so we started cooking them together, to see what tasted good and bad, to find what can make a meal the best. Some humans even dedicate their lives to improving food and its flavor. We call it cuisine, and it’s spread all across the world. Each town, city and continent with their own version and way of cooking and- “

The cleric seemed to be excited to talk about cuisine and cooking, her face brightening up the more she spoke of it, but a hand on her shoulder from the leader seemed to silence her, snapping her back to reality. Blushing slightly, she returned to the back of the group.

Cook. Cooking. Cuisine. An entire world of it and it’s different everywhere you go. It sounded like nirvana to me, why would anyone waste their lives not trying it all?

And yet, here I was, stuck at the bottom of a dungeon as its Master, unable to step out of it and try any of the cuisine. This was a very cruel joke some being was playing.

For a moment, I could tell my face reflected my feelings of being unable to try any cooking. But at the same time, it wasn’t completely hopeless. The humans had simply put meat over a flame, why couldn’t I do the same?

Clenching my fist, I made my resolve, I was going to survive this fight, and I was going to try cooked human meat for the first time in my life.

“You have my thanks for telling me such things, and I swear to you now, I will fight with my all as well. Not just for survival, but to have your meat and try this ‘Cooking’.”

As I threw the large jacket off my shoulders I saw the look of horror and surprise on the humans faces at what I just said, but this brought their resolve back up as well, brought back the atmosphere only a battle to the death could bring.

Launching myself forwards I flew straight towards the cleric first, her light magic would be one of the biggest troubles for me. Aiming to pierce her heart I thrust my hand forwards, only for me to strike at air as I felt something grabbing my ankle tightly, suddenly I was pulled away and spun around, sent flying across the room. Crashing into the floor I rolled on to my feet, looking at the group I saw the large scarred woman picking her sword back up.

Impressive.

Not only did she react quick enough to stop me from killing the cleric, but she had enough raw physical strength to stop me mid-air and throw me away.

Dashing forwards, I was forced to roll to the side as something narrowly missed my face, a bright light half blinding me as it flew past. Looking around I saw the bowman and as he pulled back the string an arrow of light formed.

So that’s its trick. No wonder he didn’t carry any arrows or a quiver. He didn’t have to.

Before I could move to dodge again three walls of light surrounded my sees and back, leaving me two options. I could hear the chanting of the cleric from here. But I wasn’t going to be such easy prey.

As the arrow was loosed I prepared my own magic, leaping into the air to avoid the arrow I was greeted by several fireballs of strong magic, releasing my own magic I blasted several larger balls of water into the fireballs, the water evaporating instantly and giving me some cover.  

Taking a deep breath, I blew hard towards the ground, an ice-cold mist blasting from my mouth and filling the room in less than a second. The mist was so thick I doubted the humans could see each other even if they were right next to each other.

Landing softly, I used an interesting skill I learned a long time ago called Shadow Step, it kept me silent as I moved and was perfect for situations such as this. I moved quickly to where the humans were standing, I knew they wouldn’t move as not to confuse each other when the fighting began, but I needed a clear sign where the Cleric was she was still my first target.

And a sign I got.

A light was dully shining through the mist, obviously trying to tell her friends where she was, I charged at the light, the closer I got the clearer it became, the light moving this way and that as she searched for the other humans.

This time I wouldn't stab her heart, I’ll quietly break her neck leaving the others confused about what just happened and where the others are.

Moving to her back, I reached out to grabbed the Cleric, when suddenly I was tackled and brought to the floor. Looking at what had grabbed me I saw it was the woman in the tight leather. I didn’t hear her coming, did she have the Shadow Step skill as well?

Before I could throw her off she shouted “Do It Now!”

For a second I was confused, but I got my answer as I saw a large red glow start moving through the mist moving towards us. Surprised as I was to see the glow I hadn’t grabbed the woman and she leapt away from me as the glow got closer, and hotter.

They were using a widespread fire to clear out the mist. A clever trick, but how did the come up with it? And how did the wizard know what the woman in leather meant?

Of course. The mermaids and kelpies, the creatures they had trouble with that slowed them down. Both species specialized in water magic, and doing this trick could easily confuse their opponents. It’s where I got it from after all.

I suppose they thought the fire wave would not only get rid of the mist, but damage me some as well, unfortunately I could tell little magic was put into it, and low-class magic was nothing before a Glutton Demon Prince.

Standing up I emptied my lungs in preparations, and just as the fire was about to hit me I breath in hard, like I was sucking up water. I could feel the fire entering my mouth and moving down my throat, my hunger grateful for something to eat, even if it wasn’t much. In a few seconds the fire had been consumed, but the mist was also gone.

Looking around I saw the slightly stunned faces of the humans, all of them were standing behind the wizard, who looked the most surprised out of all of them. Taking this stunned moment, I formed a small icicle spear behind my back and threw it at the wizard, before any of them could react it pierced her stomach, making her cry out and drop her staff.

The scream woke the rest of her party up, the archer shooting arrows at me, keeping me moving while the large woman and the leader placed themselves between me and the wizard, the cleric instantly trying to heal her.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t going to give them the chance.

As I dodged a few arrows I focused some water at my finger tip and condensed it, adding pressure. Dodging another arrow, I launched myself to my right, which gave me a perfect view of the archer's arm, aiming my finger I fired the water at high pressure and high speed, too fast for the eye to see but it had the desired effect, the water shot right through the archer's shoulder, the surprise knocking him back and onto the floor. The Cleric losing her concentration as she looked at the archer, surprise and shock on her face.

“Heal them!” I heard the leader shout as he suddenly charged towards me, his shield raised and his mace ready.

Smiling to myself I was glad, close combat is where I was at my best, covering my hands in lighting I planned to grab the shield and mace, shocking him while I stopped him moving. But I suddenly screamed out as two piercing pains shot up from my lower back, my concentration breaking and the lighting disappearing. Looking over my shoulder I saw the sneaky woman again, two daggers obviously just been stabbed into me, and that moments distraction was all the leader needed to smash his mace into my face, sending me flying backwards.

Damn it I let my guard down, I forgot about the woman. I didn’t think humans could be that sneaky. That mistake was totally on me. I was angrier at myself than the human male who just hit me in the face. Reaching around my back I pulled the two knives that were still stuck in me, throwing them at the humans, one aimed at the leader and the other at the cleric, but it was easily swatted away by the large scared woman as I thought it would be.

The leader simply used his shield to block the dagger as he charged at me as I stood up, once he got close enough I didn’t give him the chance to swing his mace again, I slammed my foot into his shield, sending him flying backwards and skidding across the floor. Employing a bit of dark magic, I looked around the room all around me, and suddenly I shot my arm out, grasping the leather clad woman by the throat before she could stab me again.

Not giving her the chance to react I drove my hand into her stomach, feeling the warmth of her insides covering my hand as I did, grabbing onto her intestine and ripping them out before I threw the woman away from me.

Her screams echoed throughout my chamber and the lingered after she stopped, her body sliding across the floor leaving a trail of blood behind it, and as it came to a stop it started to pool.

“Noooo!” I heard someone roar, looking at the group I saw the large woman charge towards me at full speed, her sword ready to cleave me in two, the leader climbed to his feet, my foot imprinted into his shield, and charged at me as well. Suddenly their bodies began to glow and their speed increased.

Light magic. The Cleric was already done healing.

Shit. She had better magic than I thought. Again, I underestimate these humans. Normally I'd say it’d take the wizard and archer a minute or so before they could fight again, once they were healed, but now I wasn’t so sure.

Quickly charging some lightning magic I launched it at the leader, it striking his shield dead on and stopping him for a moment, the effect I was hoping for. As the large woman swung her sword downwards at me I easily dodged, I went to kick her in the ribs but she used her broadsword to block it, a dull thud ringing out as she simply went skidding away from me.

Taking the chance, I charged forwards towards the wizard, cleric and archer, who was aiming an arrow at me. As I thought, they could still fight but the archer was slower, his body still aching from where I shot him. Now I could easily dodge his arrows in their slow succession.

Behind me I could hear the large woman and leader racing after me, the large woman sounding like a bull demon getting ready to trample something.

The wizard was chanting something while pointing her staff at me, I didn’t know what spell she was casting but just before it launched, I leapt up into the air and over the small group. I didn’t see anything come from her staff but I heard it, a powerful wind blew and I could hear it coming straight towards me.

I could hear it twist and turn to meet me, blasting me away from the group and into the nearest wall, slamming me into it but not holding me, I instantly dropped to the floor. I guess the wizard wasn’t fully ready either, a small grace.

I looked up to see the woman and leader had changed their course to charge straight at me. There wasn’t a spot for me to dodge or run to. The humans had actually cornered me.

If I knew Earth magic I’d be able to slip through the rocks to a safe distance, but no one was willing to teach me any. Trying to take or dodge the hits would result in me getting hurt seriously, not to mention they were still fortified with Light magic. Leaping upwards would leave me as a perfect target for the archer.

I was truly backed into a corner.

But then, I was backed into corners plenty of times as I traveled through this dungeon, facing demon after demon. Most of them had more fighting experience, especially the level bosses, once I became a Prince nearly all of the other demons in the dungeons lower levels are bigger than me. But I became the master of the Dungeon, I survived the fights with the other demons, and unlike these humans I did it by myself.

Now was the time to show these human what Dumas, Gluttony Demon Prince and Master of this dungeon can truly do when backed into a corner.

Focusing lighting into my left hand, and water into my right, I combine the two and blasted the human leader and scared woman with electrified water, both of them screaming in pain as the pressure of the water blasted them back, their bodies twitching as they lay collapsed on the floor.

Before the archer could shoot an arrow at me I motioned with my arm and the water leapt from the floor and flew right at the remaining three turning into sharp, strong, ice blades as it did and stabbing into the three as they tried to dodge. The archer getting several deep stabs into his arm and one into his side while the wizard and cleric were mostly stabbed in their legs.

Clicking my fingers, the bits of ice that were stabbed into the humans suddenly exploded, opening the wounds deeper and making them all cry out as blood poured down their robes and clothes.

I was now out of breath and feeling the backlash of using such magic in succession, the concentration and focus being the most difficult part. But I had bought myself a small reprieve, or so I thought.

To my amazement the scared woman as trying to stand up already, her skin burnt in places and her body still twitched randomly as she moved. I need to take her out quick before she became a problem. Charging forwards, I grabbed the broadsword she’d dropped when I blasted her back and by time I reached her she was already on one knee looking as if she was about to stand at any second.

Swinging the large sword, I cleaved through her body at an odd angle, slicing through her arms and most of her upper chest. As the four parts fell to the floor I let the weight of the sword spin me around before I launched it at the archer, the blade spinning through the air and slicing him in half as it continued into the far wall, stabbing itself into it.

A second later I was suddenly blinded by the brightest light I’d ever seen. It felt like my skin as actually burning slightly. I then felt something slam into my side making me cry out as I staggered, I felt another blow and another. The bright light stopping me from seeing who was hitting me or where they were. I was suddenly rammed by something hard and round sending me stumbling to the floor.

It was the human leader.

I felt a weight suddenly on my chest and what must have been his mace slam into my face several more times, making my blind in one eye as I heard him cry out in rage  

“Die Demon. Just DIE!”

Unfortunately for him I didn’t feel like dying today. Also, unfortunately for him, the human hadn’t pinned my arms. After another hit with the mace I swung my fist upwards, colliding with his metal armour and denting it severely, I could almost feel the ribs break from my punch, but they must have done as for a few seconds the human didn’t move, then he coughed up blood, the ribs having pierced his lung.

Reaching up I grabbed the humans head and twisted hard, his neck snapping and head twisting off. The body instantly collapsed as blood came from the giant wound and covering me.

Pushing the body off me I tried to stand, only to be treated by a weak fireball that was more annoying than painful, and still the light shined. How much power did that damned cleric have?

Then another fireball hit me

Then another.

Each fireball was weaker than the last.

Getting annoyed by the fire and the light I made a. Large sweeping motion with my arm, water blasting forth from it and hitting everything in the circular motion I made.

Finally, the light went out and the fireballs stopped. But I was still blind in one eye. Reaching up I dug my fingers into my socket and pulled out my useless eye, hissing in pain as I did so, throwing it into my mouth I swallowed it whole, knowing a new eye would grow quicker than my old one would heal.

Looking around I saw the cleric and the wizard, and now I knew why the wizard’s spells were so weak, the exploding ice had made wounds in her leg was so deep I could see bone, her face extremely pale. The cleric wasn’t much better, I was impressed she held that spell for as long as she did but now she seemed unconscious.

For a few moments I simply stood where I was, panting with my eyes closed. Well, eye.

This had been the fight I had wanted. The humans had pushed me back, surprised me, caught my off guard, forced me into a corner and surprised me again and even blinded me.

I truly would not forget this fight.

But now it was time to end it, only the cleric and wizard were alive and neither were in any condition to fight back. After such a fight, the least I could do is give them painless deaths.

437th year 8th month 20th day alive

As I woke my head felt clearer than it had in the last few days, all my wounds were healed, except my eye, it’d take me about a week to grow a new one. The mental and physical fatigue from the fight was gone, and as I sat up from the floor and looked around I saw the human bodies were still incased in ice, stopping them from rotting.

Not to mention, a few more days and the demons on the first 10 levels will start appearing in the dungeon again.

Needless to say, I was in a good mood.

Standing up I brushed the dust off my admittedly shoddy clothing, I hadn’t bothered changing since the fight so I was still stained with blood and had singed clothing here and there.

To be honest I had no real clue what I was going to do today. I could cook some human and see how they taste, but it didn’t seem right to me until I was fully healed.

Any battle damage to my room was already fixed by the dungeon, and there was no other demon for me to talk to right now.

I suppose I should collect some trophies to keep, and get rid of anything the humans brought that I don’t want.

Looking around the room I found several of the weapons the humans had, unfortunately the bow that shot Light arrows was broken. It must have happened when I threw the sword at him.

The staffs of the cleric and wizard weren’t that remarkable, so they could go as well.

The broadsword as still buried in the wall. I think I’ll leave that where it is, it’s a nice reminder.

The knives the leather clad woman used were good quality, but unremarkable, and the mace and shield weren’t anything special either. Though I do joy seeing my footprint in the shield, I think I’ll keep that.

I’ll throw the armour and clothing when I defrost the bodies, it was all pretty much ruined and none of them wore anything special.

Picking up the shield and climbing the stairs, I place it on my throne for now, looking around the room I smiled, the memory of the fight playing in my mind as I surveyed the frozen bodies.

Then something in the corner of the room caught my eye. A bundle of things propped in the corner. Where the humans made camp, of course, it was their belongings. How could I forget about those? Maybe they had something in their bags I’d want to keep.

Strolling through the bodies and up to the make shift camp I checked each of the bags. It was mostly sleeping rolls, water skins and things to eat off of. None of it was worth keeping. Then I opened the last bag and saw a water skin I recognized, it was the one that contained the Amber liquid the humans drank the night before the fight.

Opening it I sniffed it, before taking a mouth full. It was sweet. Sweeter than anything in the dungeon I’d ever tasted. It hit hard but was smoother than demon booze. A sweet alcohol. I just found a keeper.

Taking another mouthful, I corked the water skin and returned to the bag to see what else I could find. There was a small satchel full of bottles with some ground up items I didn’t recognize. Opening one of the bottle with a bright powder in it I gave a small sniff, I didn’t recognize the smell but that was because I'd never smelled it before, it was power and it burned my nose slightly, but not in an unpleasant way, in fact it made me want to smell it more.

Corking the bottle, I put them aside and fished out three books and a roll with various knives in it. I’d not seen these types of knives before, they didn’t look like they'd be useful in a fight, they were only sharp on one side and weren’t any good for stabbing, more for cutting and slicing.

Turning to the books I couldn’t read the titles of any of them, but since all three had images of meat cooking over fire on them I had to conclude these books had something to do with cuisine. More like I was hoping they had something to do with cuisine.

Learning a written language wasn't that different from learning a vocal one, it would simply take a bit of time.