#and like look how we cover 9/11 each year we play the clips of these fucking buildings getting hit and collapsing literally all day

[beepbeepkazoo]

honestly the saddest part about like americans with how we are so desensitized to violence is that everyone like 30 years old or younger didnt even get a choice really in the matter

[twwpress]

Weekly Press Briefing #68: October 8th - 14th

Welcome back to the Weekly Press Briefing, where we bring you highlights from The West Wing fandom each week, including new fics, ongoing challenges, and more! This briefing covers all things posted from October 8 - October 14, 2023! Did we miss something? Let us know; you can find our contact info at the bottom of this briefing! 

Challenges/Prompts:

There are no open challenges/prompts that we know of this week. Do you have a challenge or event you’d like us to promote or know of one we’re missing? Be sure to get in touch with us! Contact info is at the bottom of this briefing.

This Week in Canon:

Welcome back to This Week in Canon, where we revisit moments in The West Wing that occurred on these dates during the show’s run.

Season 1, Episode 4: Five Votes Down aired on October 13, 1999.

Season 3, Episode 1: Manchester Part I aired on October 10, 2001.

Season 4, Episode 4: The Red Mass aired on October 9, 2002.

Season 5, Episode 3: Jefferson Lives aired on October 8, 2003.

Season 7, Episode 3: Message of the Week aired on October 9, 2005.

Photos/Videos:

Here’s what was posted from October 8 - October 14:

Amy Landecker posted an edit of Brad by Twitter user @schiff0rd. 

Josh Malina posted a video of Nathan Salston playing Hatikvah, the Israeli national anthem, on piano. 

Josh Malina posted a thoughtful text post about the war between Israel and Hamas. 

Josh Malina posted photos of himself and Bradley Whitford (and one trolling him) for Brad’s birthday on October 10th. 

Marlee Matlin posted a photo of herself with Piper Laurie in memory of her after her recent death. 

Peter James Smith posted a selfie from Screamfest. 

Donna Moss Daily: October 8 | October 9 | October 10 | October 11 | October 12 | October 13 | October 14

Daily Josh Lyman: October 8 | October 9 | October 10 | October 11 | October 12 | October 13 | October 14

No Context BWhit: October 9 | October 10 | October 12 | October 13 | October 14

@twwarchive: October 8 | October 12 | October 13 | October 14

Editors’ Choice:

Here are a handful of fics with cozy, fluffy, or funny fall vibes! Some are here for the first time, some we’ve recced before, but they’re all fun reads for this time of year. Please feel free to reblog with your own favorite cozy autumn reads!

How Pumpkin Carving and Twins Lead to Practice by mdrgrl1 [archived by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist]  | Rated T | Josh Lyman/Donna Moss | Complete | Josh and Donna spend the day before Halloween carving pumpkins and babysitting. Not Quite Pumpkin Pie by fictorium | Rated G | No Pairings Listed (Gen Fic) | Complete | Another retreat to Manchester, another... incident. I Knew You by jeaniecregg | Rated G | C. J. Cregg/Toby Ziegler | Complete | A cozy Saturday in the West Wing has CJ reminiscing about her past with Toby. 31 Days of Halloween by sam_writes_fics | Rated T | Josh Lyman/Donna Moss, Abbey Bartlet/Jed Bartlet, Josh Lyman/Sam Seaborn, C. J. Cregg/Toby Ziegler, Josh Lyman & Mallory O'Brien, Zoey Bartlet/Charlie Young | In Progress | 31 individual Halloween themed ficlets revolving around everyone's favorite senior staffers. Chapters will be posted once a day, every day, for the entire month of October at 4pm EST. Enjoy.  absolutely smitten (never let you go) by JessBakesCakes for fairwinds09 | Rated T | Josh Lyman/Donna Moss | Complete | Josh feels all the air whoosh out of his lungs when he sees the teacher standing on the other side of the door. She looks at the group standing outside her door, puzzled for a moment, until her blue eyes lock with Josh’s. Her blonde hair is tucked neatly behind her ears, and pumpkin earrings dangle from her earlobes. She’s wearing a copper-colored fall sweater, adorned with leaves around the collar that match her bulletin board. Her ID badge dangles from her neck, one of those ink pens in a bright, funky color clipped to her lanyard. “Miss Moss,” CJ says. “This is Mr. Lyman from the high school."

Due to tumblr character limits, this week's fic updates will be reblogged to this post momentarily!

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: Dan and Phil try PUMPKIN CARVING!

Date video was published: 10/31/2018 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 382

The 2018 Halloween video! So many great joint videos in 2018. It’s back to Phil’s channel this year for the first time since 2014. Also, a step away from the baking.

0:00 - second video in a row where Phil stuck at clip (of funny Dan) at the start as a sort of “preview”

0:06 - still got the TATINOF cubes in the background like they had for Easter baking

0:10 - such a casual touch from Phil

0:19 - Dan checking out Phil’s whole look there

0:29 - “it’s very Dan” 🥺 also is Dan implying that Phil had gotten him a matching apron?

0:52 - also you know...the video title (hahaha, forgot Phil said the same thing a second later)

1:03 - it is a gourd, right? also love Phil’s huge laugh without him trying to cover it up

1:30 - if only we’d known how “late into the game” it was

1:33 - was the sexy-music over the pumpkin rubbing necessary 👀

1:54 - “we did not go to a pumpkin patch” ...”those Instagram ‘people’” (read, “couples”)

2:24 - I feel like they must be scratching-up that stovetop so much during this, yikes

2:40 - there was a carved pumpkin in the background of Dan’s ENVY video in 2012, so maybe then!

3:12 - they really should give this warning at the start of baking videos too 😂

3:19 - love the zoom-ins on Dan’s facial expressions when Phil says...things. and the “Nelly” annotation

3:56 - Dan already shaking his head

4:20 - jesus christ. between “tag yourself” and “that’s the last time we’re touching knives today” with the record scratch. um. 😳 Dan’s just given up

4:46 - yeah I was worried for Phil’s safety watching this the first time when they posted it

5:01 - the audio-only version of this video would be something else

5:16 - “waitwaitwait, let’s do it at the same time” ...Phil. 😳

5:28 - Dan immediately going for the licks

5:38 - I love this bit... “nature’s crazZzZy” 😂

5:44 - “we could start a new life as pumpkin growers” why was that so soft 🥺

5:45 - ...annnnd then it devolves

6:05 - literally so many record scratch noises in this

6:30 - Phil continually not knowing that pumpkin spice is not the same as pumpkin is hilarious

6:43 - a lot less close-ups then in the baking videos, but still some. also, why is Phil watching soap-chopping videos? lol

7:00 - Phil does not like the feeling of that

7:27 - and then a very sticky high-five...Dan with the “bro” hahaha

7:54 - another bit for the out-of-context audio edit there

8:02 - why do I feel like they must dare each other to do stupid things all the time

8:17 - Dan immediately dying of laughter while Phil desperately tries to spit into the bowl...wow

8:28 - not sure we needed a slow motion replay

8:40 - adorable Dan

9:09 - Dan with an aborted arm movement there; not sure what he was going to do and then stopped

9:26 - Dan already has a plan!

9:38 - always with the play-fighting...Dan really getting his hips involved here 👀

9:53 - Phil just goes for it...also always something going on in his brain

10:06 - and Dan is so hesitant

10:15 - jesus christ “nose first” and the very unneeded eyebrow raise

10:43 - the height difference! really obvious in this clip

10:55 - love that they immediately made Phil think of the candy

11:25 - lol at the heavy breathing sound effects

11:44 - Phil looks proud of himself

12:12 - what a Phil story... and Dan with the “can’t believe you invented drag” 😂

12:17 - Phil just stabbing the pumpkin without looking at it seems dangerous

12:28 - of course Phil was in charge of getting the candy

12:46 - I love when one of them goes “I KNEW you were gonna do that”

12:49 - “lick it!” again...Phil.

13:19 - Dan is very into the candy necklace...also just noticing that very little of this video is actually them carving the pumpkins

13:37 - “it suits ya” they really do think the other always looks good, huh?

13:47 - I can’t believe Dan can deal that around his neck to begin with

14:08 - montage for the actual carving with limited talking, it seems, so they can actually concentrate...Dan keeps glancing off to the side so I wonder if he has some sort of reference he’s looking at

15:16 - it really is that exact Dan face 😂

15:20 - Phil’s pumpkin is so happy!

15:45 - that is a bit too old for trick-or-treating, though I don’t mind seeing groups of kids that age if they’ve really put effort into their costumes

15:51 - “I was a sexy emo” umm. I know this has been discussed before that Dan started watching Phil’s videos when he was 16, so he might be implying that he dressed up as Phil here...which would be fantastic and hilarious

16:01 - “Phil, that’s perfect!” awww 🥺

16:17 - Dan doing it on the side like it’s a mirror 

16:30 - Phil is so proud of that joke. and so is Dan. I love it

16:46 - I think they turned out so well, actually. Dan posted photos of his pumpkin too, so he must have been pretty proud of it

16:47 - god Dan is so sincerely complimentary of Phil in this video 😭

17:21 - now Phil with the soft touches to the Dan-pumpkin too

17:51 - “I just thought about the dramatic delivery, I didn’t think about the reality” is the most Dan thing I’ve ever heard

18:03 - Dan’s got to make it perfect

18:15 - perfect delivery there. also there’s another pumpkin down on the table to the side, so did they have a test one or something in case they messed up?

18:27 - it’s so cute!

18:50 - “calm down there bub” 🥺

19:18 - gotta get the promo in of course

19:55 - every time they talk about the gaming channel I just miss it now

20:11 - the look on Dan’s face when Phil says “subscribe to Dan” 😂

I love this video. They filmed just a few days ahead of time - Dan shared a couple of Insta stories (1, 2) and they also did a live show that evening.

[grelleswife]

Sebamey for the domestic ask meme? uwu

Doing these for a modern human AU, if that's okay!

1. Who cooks normally?

Sebastian. He learned to cook at a young age and has taken several classes over the years, so he knows his way around a kitchen! Mey Rin's culinary expertise ends at basic survival cooking, and she has a tendency to leave out key ingredients, mix up the salt and sugar, etc. She much prefers to let bae fix their meals, yes she does! XD

2. How often do they fight?

Infrequently. Since Mey Rin is far too good-natured to be quarrelsome most of the time, and Sebastian adores her, they can usually sort out their differences through more peaceful means. On the rare occasions when they do fight, Sebastian is the soul of contrition afterwards, meekly apologizing for his part in the argument. He'll also get Mey flowers or make a similar gesture as a token of his remorse. Mey Rin isn't the type to stay angry for long, and tearfully hugs him after saying sorry for any unnecessarily harsh words that were exchanged.

3. What do they do when they're away from each other?

Because both of them have full-time jobs, a large chunk of their time spent away from each other is devoted to work. In this verse, I'm picturing Mey Rin as either a children's librarian (the kids would love her), a physical therapist, or a personal fitness trainer; Sebastian is an assistant professor of English literature (or Latin, or philosophy, or violin) at the local university. On her time off, Mey Rin enjoys hanging out with Grelle, Angelina, and Ran Mao (her BFFs from college), as well as her foster brothers, Bardroy and Finny. She might also take up a pastime like competitive shooting or archery. Sebastian, for his part, regularly volunteers at a nearby, no-kill cat shelter (he adopted most of his fur-babies from there), and will occasionally go out for coffee or drinks with his good friend Agni, a professor of culinary arts at the same school where Seb teaches. He favors solitary hobbies, such as writing (he's currently working on a novel), playing the piano or violin, and painting.

4. Nicknames for each other?

Mey calls her partner "honey," "luv," and, of course, "Kittybastian" (Sebas doesn't purr in this AU, but it still fits! XD). Sebastian calls Mey Rin "dear" and "sweetheart." >w<

5. Who is more likely to pay for dinner?

Generally Sebastian, because he loves making Mey Rin feel like a princess! However, she occasionally insists on treating him instead.

6. Who steals the covers at night?

Mey! She'll gather the blankets around herself and curl up in a happy, warm little coccoon. Sebastian doesn't begrudge her, however; how could he be mad about lost covers when she looks so precious? He'll just smile and cuddle up next to her.

7. What would they get each other for gifts?

Mey quickly learns that anything cat-themed is usually a hit with Sebastian! She also gives her genderfluid partner various accessories (hair clips, bracelets, necklaces, etc.) and makeup; Sebastian's face lights up like a Christmas tree when they see the pretty things Mey bought for them. >w< I have a random headcanon that modern!Mey Rin loves to collect Calico Critters, so this Sebastian would get her tons of paraphernalia related to that. They share a love for gaming and anime, so it's common for one to give the other merch related to those pursuits!

8. Who remembers things?

Sebastian has a slightly better memory. Mey Rin can be somewhat scatterbrained, especially when her anxiety kicks into high gear.

9. Who cusses more?

Sebas swears more in everyday life, but Mey can cuss up a storm when her wrath is unleashed! >:3

10. What would they do if the other one was hurt?

Internally, Mey Rin would be freaking out, but she'd do her best to stay calm long enough to bandage Sebastian up and/or call for help, holding her boyfriend's hand, petting his hair, and assuring him that everything would be okay. Once Sebastian's condition was stable, however, she'd hug him as tight as she could and cry from all the pent-up worry and stress. Seb's protective instincts would go into overdrive if Mey was hurt, even if the injury was relatively minor. He'd be frantic and unwilling to leave her side (if Mey had to be hospitalized, the doctors would probably need to have him forcibly dragged out of the room). Once his girlfriend was convalescing, Sebastian would wait on her hand and foot, giving her as much TLC as humanly possible.

11. Who kissed who first?

I could see it going either way, to be honest. On one hand, Mey Rin might impulsively get up on tiptoe to kiss him before dashing off, shocked at her own boldness! On the other, Sebastian might give her a parting kiss at the end of one of their early dates...a cinematic, passionate one while they're standing on her doorstep.

12. Who made the first move?

They met at a Christmas party hosted by Grelle and An (who are married in this AU), where Mey tripped and spilled punch on Sebastian. While she was mortified about getting her drink all over his fancy suit, Sebastian could only gaze in awe at the beautiful woman who'd literally stumbled into his life. The music for the next number started playing over the speakers, and Sebastian asked her on the spot if she'd like to join him in a dance. Dear Mey was baffled--shouldn't this gorgeous stranger be angry at her?--but as soon as she squeaked out a tremulous, "Um...yes? Yes I would!", he took her by the hand, and off they went. Four dances later, both were head over heels. Utterly oblivious to the state of his ruined clothing, Sebastian walked home with a dreamy smile on his face and a scrap of paper with Mey Rin's number written on it in his pocket.

13. Who started the relationship?

I think it happened organically; in the wake of that first meeting, they went on several "kinda-sorta" dates at the park, their favorite coffee shops, etc., and their chemistry was undeniable. It didn't take either one of them very long to realize they were crushing hard on the other. One starry evening, while Sebastian was walking Mey Rin home after a night at the movies, Mey paused, grabbed his hand, and gazed deeply into his eyes. Impulsively, she blurted out, "What are we, Sebastian? Because I really really like you, yes I do...and I want this to be somethin' more!"

Sebastian blushed to the roots of his hair as he whispered, "Well, I really, really like you too...and I'd love for this be to more."

[tobebugjewce]

THE WALTEN FILES: my jumbled notes on my blind run-in with this web series

first off this is gonna be long and unorganized, also this is my second time writing this as i had lost literally half of my progress and im This (imagine two fingers almost touching with a 0.0000000001mm distance between them) close to ripping all of the fucking hair out of my goddamn head. but now this will be extra long and yes, i will lose some accuracy to my first writing but thats okay ill probably edit this a kajillion times over

which brings me to my next tangent; im literally braindumping here. so to have a smidge of organization all afterthoughts, edits and corrections will be boldened, i forgot what im gonna do with italicized text but ill probably bolden it here yeah im pretty sure its for side tangents, separate from Corrections, which are in bold. also theyre for emphasis too.

so in general, this post right here is all of my notes i wrote down on my grid-patterned sticky notes (which i used WAYYYY too much of) about the first 3 uploaded walten files youtube videos transferred onto my handy dandy digital notebook, this b(l)og. yeppers peppers. you know im serious about this shit when i typed probably over like a thousand fucking words including boldened shit, italicized shit and motherfucking links, lost it ALL, and im sitting here re-typing it again.

i feel bad about this but im not gonna trigger warn right here, but this is technically a warning. if you want a list of triggers as to what this post (and the walten files in general) i will link a little list to that here

without further a doo doo, (mama mia) here the fucking fuck we go again.

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #1

clarifying this now, im gonna put some useless shit which i thought was code onto this because even though it was useless it was part of my notes and im physically going to combust if i dont put down every single thing i wrote on my papers. so what i thought was code was in the closed captions, i started writing it down when i got to the second video but came back to my first videos notes to include them. i wrote down the first letter to every word that was capitalized in the closed captions, which i had on as a default because number one i knew going into this id need them because most web horror things like args and cryptic shit like that has some of the most crucial shits in the closed captions. number two i am autistic and have auditory processing issues and have most closed captioning on as a default if theyre available.

firstly jotted, i wrote down the closed captions “code” so im gonna put the rest here too: HYWITB(BSI)Y A(BSI)BJWFKWITW ILHHFSBBSBTLBWI USOISTBNBSFIRBCAWHSHCBWHTAIGRNB*C*BTWLTSFA(20)MCFP ILITIIACPH(1978, 1979)SA(4)YTSCH*C*OGSSU SFTGRPATDBBUTFBNLLCHMIHLBRALLCLAYTUKB*LC*WHATWASTHATTHING 

the numbers in parenthesis are there because i wasnt sure they should be included in the “code” or not. i also thought of this with the BSI - bunny smiles incorporated and also the years 1978 and 1979. the shits in asterisks are coughs and light coughs, which were capitalized in the closed captions so i included them too just in case

i then jotted, in parenthesis of course, the names of the animatronics when they were listed in the animation section of the video; bon aka the blue bunny, sha aka the sheep one, boozoo aka the clown<3 honk<33, and banny aka the purpled eyelashed up one who is also a bunny btw. also i got boozoo the clown and boozoo the mustache guy confused because apparently the clowns name is billy???? but they named “boozoo” in bons sleepover and showed the clown? idk maybe im an idiot and theyre the same or just an idiot and theyre different or a super mega (matt and ryan?!?!??) idiot in general which is probably the case

i started drawing little stars to write down things i thought would be super important or to 100% look at again. the first subject of this pointy torture was the part of the video where at 3:00, i marked it down to make sure to reverse the audio as it was most definitely a weird audio that has that signature warp-y effect that makes sure you KNOW its in reverse. i then listened back to it Very carefully (still got it wrong) and got this: “you finally start to remember. that old doll. they will look out for you soon” im also pretty sure i heard “sophie” at the end of that audio but im not entirely sure and dont remember and i dont wanna go back to check lmfao but anyways it didnt matter because i was wrong anyway. after i had finished all 3 walten files i watched the film theory video on the walten files (which didnt cover all 3 but was dece.) out of curiosity and to hear matpats signature silly little voice explain some stuff i already knew, and click some shit in my brain that i couldve thought up of if i was a bit more... i dont know honestly. anyways yeah so the actual audio is “you finally start to remember. that old day. they will look out for you soon.” so yeah. day, not doll.

i then wrote down “sarah evelyn”, the name on the bons sleepover animation (i dont remember if she created it or animated it or whatnot) and scribbled will she matter? under her name. turns out no, as i didnt see her name in the rest of the series, let alone the first video. this is also a great time to mention how matpat theory helped me realize that the walten files are collections of videos, uploaded onto youtube by anthony. (i already knew about anthony as he signed his name in the descriptions of the youtube videos, making me categorize this overall web series more into an arg type genre.) but yes, the tapes, recorded “irl” footage, animated clips, vhs tape recordings and other audio-visual content is all collected and labeled the walten files, as i had mistaken each video to be a tape. stupid me. alrighty, onward!

i starred this one, good for me; MISSING: Jack Walten LAST SEEN: 06/11/1974

i jotted down with an arrow that; sophie was a nightguard? she was wearing the uniform explained in tape 2 i dont know why but i went back into my video 1 notes after i had watched video 2. organization purposes. i guess.?? 

i then paused the video when the screen flickered a date, the beginning of video footage dated 10/10/1982 (Brian Stells?) god my little genius ass assuming the videographer was brian stells, based on the id card i saw earlier.

i then wrote down what text i saw on the dead, mangled, bloody body in the purple security suit; “i cant feel anything” “he thought i was her” then drew a little arrow pointing to; thought brian was sophie? or ashley? i also starred the name Brian Stells this is totally out of order LMFAOOOOOOOO also i wrote down ashley because, again, my little pea brain went back on my video 1 notes after watching video 2. but yep thats all i wrote for The Walten Files 1 - Company Introductory Tape

THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #2 

Tape #1 - created 07/02/1978

awesome how thats first and foremost in the captions. god. so sexy of you martin walls. /j /nsx

this pack of notes is chunkier because again, like i have mentioned before i am an absolute goober and thought the capitalized letters of the words would actually mean something. I MEAN MAYBE THEY DO AND IM JUST DOING IT WRONG but i stopped doing it after this video because holy shit it was exhausting and my stupid little fingers couldnt take the writing anymore becasue i am WEAK. 

so write off the bat (squeak) i wrote down 197[] the blacked out rectangle over the last digit of that year and everything im also now assuming its probably 1978 or 1974 because lore reasons but whos to say but yeah i also wrote down this;

Tape #2 - created 08/13/1978

then, straight up in the beginning of the video i caught it, the flash of text, as i had by now realized i gotta be SUPER stupid focused on the screen in case i miss anything, i wanted to be crazy precise on my theorizing and mental notes, among other things. but yes i saw it, the first half of a youtube link;  “https://youtu” 

claps hands together and rubs them evilly. oh yeah baby. thats the hot lunch. this shit right here? the cats pajamas. lets fucking go.

i wrote down this goofy shit i pasued to inspect when i saw bon sorting through a file cabinet and naturally scribbled down the labels and other written things i could see on the files; 

relocate X/X/75 felix

storage K-9 07/23/1975 felix k(ranken)

Bons Burgers 06/28/1974 Jack Walten

Shipping Service 1975

New Location -> 1982

i also wrote down more goofy shit, like when banny was created for some reason; in 1974

starred, i noted to go back and reverse the audio at 5:09, when played back, i didnt write it down so i dont remember. lmao.

i also marked to screenshot and brighten the darkened image i saw at 5:20, i was going to do it on my phone then realized i can just do it on my computer so i quickly took a screenshot, brightened it and wrote down what i saw; a missing person poster that read MISSING: SUSAN WOODINGS(?) Last seen: 1974 i was very unsure of the spelling of her last name because the image was so goddamn low quality and grainy but its what i saw. this is where tape #3 gets thrown in, which im gonna type again because i like how the formatting looks;

Tape #3 - created 07/09/1978 (BEFORE tape 2?!//1/1??? its more likely than you think)

i wrote down more dates, any dates i saw, i jotted down. i wrote; 

Technical Support 1978 

then, 

Brian Stells (for some reason i dont remember right now)

alrighty this is where the stupid capitalized letters come in, but before it looks like i vomit a keysmash time infinity on this, ill put down the little inbetween things i wrote in the midst of the caps lockalypse like timestamps and stuff, so here you go;

- Reverse at 8:16 which i did but of course didnt write down what i heard. i think it was too warbled to hear anything clear out of it, or it was just the good ol auditory processing issues fucking me over yet again. WAIT yep yes i did here it is: “rosemary would go to the restaurant every night hoping that [her] beloved husband would reappear after being missing for weeks but no response until one day [s]he heard a voice [saying] ‘i know where he is rosie’ coming from the back stage” the bracketed stuff is the corrections, i misheard the audio and thought the audio said “his”, “he” and “singing” like a nimrod

- Brighten at 10:14 which was another missing person poster, but i dont think it had any information on it because i didnt write it down, just;

- Sophie again (pic at 9:08?) (dismemberd and put in Sha) i was stupid and wrong haha idiot it was rosemary who was put in sha but anywho

i starred and underlined a huge thing i discovered which was;

- Walten had 3 kids which i dont remember how i found out but it doesnt matter, its good important info i uncovered.

- Tape #4 - Unkown Date

- recorded 07/12-07/14 1978 

- Hilary B, Ashley P & Kevin W i made sure to get these names down as soon as i saw them on screen but then realized shortly after i wouldnt really need to have it as the closed captions made sure i knew which person was talking by using their first initial (capitalized of course) before each line of text. this is the perfect time to announce the arrival of the clusterfuck of capital letters, which is going to include colons which will indicate that the letter before it is the initial of the person talking. without further aedue, here comes another chinese earthquake;

TCWTSTATO(K-9)TBSSFWFCNEHAWBSUBIUC(BSIIDC)OWHISF INBIJTILNSPL(K-9)LCSCKCCCWTTLTLITTTYROTFAJAMHPYYSTCSPMBBWSBIB H:NTPPCCK:DA:HH:YCPRPMWTCBCRAWK:JH:SYYTCPBACPSTBAWCA:TK(?):FMTTCMK:TCPNOA:DTOFK:ITNPPRA:YBUTIRRFH:HKIBESRAIA:TCK:WA:WPCCFTRRIDPEH:GGK:GPA:LKK:WA:HNCGTKMK:YH:IGKA:ESK:MFH:RK:HILRLBNTRPPUWHITRRTPEIFEPH:YWBEBPK:MAHPBTRPTRPEL(LN)HTACPKLIKHPFITSKLTKLB(LB?)ISIBSUBIPRW AEBATHSPUAICTPURTWBBRPHTRTIIIILTCITCUCCP S(bpe, be)WA”IDCPBPSIB

holy shit its finally over okay now onto some MORE of what i wrote down in between and also after that keysmash attack;

12 doors? (backrooms) 27? 26? i was unsure because ashley was unsure too lmfao

found cassette (6/11/78) <- says “discard”? yeah it did

Tape in clown audio, speaking voice; jack, susan, charles(?), rosemary, sophie, last word sounds like “walrus” it was walten lmfao

Ashley died? yeah she did lmfao OR AT LEAST I THINK SO??

starred this one, Reverse @ 17:06, then got this;

“they left the next day, they thought ashley left early, but she was in the backdoors, screaming as much as she could, but no one heard the screams, the following days the caretakers would complain about an awful smell coming from the backdoors, company decided to shut down facility until new advice, the relocate project was unsuccessful. ashley is still there, but she is not screaming anymore, she saw something she wasnt supposed to see and now shes beautiful” the phrase “shes beautiful” was repeating like a bajillion times in that wall of text. then, god motherfuckng bless: 

at 17:23 i found the other half of the youtube link, “.be/k07QqEDOfQ” i pieced that bad boy together as instant as i think any form of ramen could never be, but remained ever patient. because i made sure to jot down this before moving onto my next segment;

@ end of vid 2, “shadow man sees* me when lights go off” im an idiot *it was actually “feeds” not “sees”, which AGAIN, i only found out after watching the stupid little film theory video *begins snarling and foaming at the mouth*

okay im not proud to admit im editing this to post it and realized ive lost my notes. well. 

might as well post what ive got! if i find my shit ill add onto this, i suppose.

[alipeeps]

New tag game: Post pictures of your first ever (fictional/celeb) crush to the latest one and tag five others to continue the game

Thanks to @minmoyu for tagging me and ooof, are you sure you’re ready for this?!! :D I have been around/in fandom for a loooooong time and at first I thought, okay, no way I can list all my crushes, there have been SO many and we’ll be here all day but then as I started compiling a list I found I was having fun reminiscing and decided, what the heck, yeah, let’s do em all... or at least all I can remember! :D

There have absolutely for sure been other more minor crushes and passing fancies along the way, but these are the big ones that I remember (and that, in more recent years, I can track by going through my posted fanfics on AO3 and even *shudder* FFNET and seeing which shows I was into enough to want to write fic about the characters).

[Quick note: with rare exceptions, for actors I am listing them by the character they played rather than just the actor. Whilst there are actors that I like in multiple roles (and conversely, characters who on paper I would normally be into but are played by actors who do nothing for me, and hence the character generally does nothing for me either), for the most part it is the character I really have the crush on.]

I’m going to put this under a readmore cos it has gotten ridiculously long:

So... without further ado:

1. MORTEN HARKET from a-ha - OKay so, dating myself badly here but... I had the *biggest* crush on Morten Harket when I was a teenager. Pretty much the entirety of my side of the bedroom I shared with my sister was covered in posters of a-ha, and Morten in particular. I even had a heart-shaped Morten Harket pillow! :D I loved a-ha’s music (still do!) and I wanted to go see them in concert when I was 14 but my parents wouldn’t let me (*sob*). I did finally get to see them in concert in the early 2000s and they were BRILLIANT live (and Morten was still very very pretty)! 

2. RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON as MACGYVER - MacGyver is the first tv character I remember being really into and having a crush on, to the extent that I would record episodes of the show off the tv (onto VHS tape - yes, I am *that* old!) so that I could rewatch them (especially the ones where he got hurt - yeah, I was a whumper even then! :D)

3. KEIFER SUTHERLAND - One of my rare exceptions. I think I first saw him in Lost Boys (and loved him in that film) but it was his role as Doc Scurlock in Young Guns that really made me fall for both the character and him. I definitely remember seeking out any and all films he was in and buying any magazine he was interviewed in (and knowing far more facts about him than was probably healthy! :D) and even drawing a fanart portrait of him. :)

4. KYLE MACLACHLAN as SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER - I remember hearing about Twin Peaks before it started airing in the UK and it sounded so different and interesting... I watched it from the very first episode and very quickly developed a crush on Coop.  

5. BRENT SPINER as DATA - I think ST: TNG had been airing for a while before I stumbled across it but I quickly became hooked and Data was my favourite character right from the start. I definitely remember at one point buying an (unofficial) episode guide book so that I could look up which episodes were good Data-focused ones (especially ones where he got hurt! :D) so I could go out and buy the videos that had those episodes on (at the time the show was available to buy on VHS-tape with 2 episodes on each tape).

6. DAVID DUCHOVNY as FOX MULDER - Another show that I heard the buzz about and started watching right from the start and, like so many others, I immediately developed a crush on the snarky, enigmatic, troubled FBI agent with the weird name. The X-Files was the first show I ever tried writing (one, never-finished) fanfic for.

7. PAUL GROSS as BENTON FRASER - Man, Due South was such a good show! It was so quirky and clever and funny and Benton Fraser, with his huge heart and his serious demeanour and his gorgeous blue eyes, was just so darn attractive! He also got whumped a fair bit too! :D Due South was also the show that introduced me to the music of Sarah McLachlan (I was enough of a fan that I bought the show soundtrack on CD).

8. HUGH LAURIE as DR GREGORY HOUSE - This was a bit of an odd one for me because I had grown up knowing Hugh Laurie solely as a comedian/comic actor, known mostly for playing buffoons and genial idiots. And suddenly here he was with stubble, an American accent, and a limp, and he was hawt AF! :D It caused quite the feedback loop in my brain for a while which pretty much went “Wow, House is hot.... but it’s Hugh Laurie... but he’s hot... but it’s HUGH LAURIE!!1!”

I *loved* House (the first few seasons, at least) and oof a character with persistent pain (and a self-destructive streak a mile wide!) was a whumper’s dream. House was the first show for which I wrote - and published online - completed fanfics.

8. JOE FLANIGAN as JOHN SHEPPARD - Stargate Atlantis was my first proper online fandom, the first show I prolifically and repeatedly wrote fanfic for, and the first time I ever met in person an actor I was a big fan of (and while the show was still airing, to boot!). It was also my first introduction to the online community of whumpers! A bunch of us from the Shep Whump thread on Gateworld heard that Joe was going to be at a convention in London and we decided to book hotel rooms and meet up and go to the convention together and it was AWESOME! I can still remember seeing Joe *in person* for the first time and just,,,, struggling to believe he was actually here, in person, in front of me! He was super super lovely and humble too and took time to chat to everyone at the signing table and I clearly remember my brain just pretty much fritzing out during the photo session and being intensely aware of the sensation of Joe’s hand on my shoulder....

It was also super lovely to meet fellow fans, and online friends, in person for the first time and we had so much fun, and it kickstarted me going to lots of other conventions, including specific Stargate/SGA ones where I got to know lots of other lovely fans and online friends. I’ve met Joe about 4 or 5 times in total now and he’s been lovely every time.

9. PAUL BLACKTHORNE as HARRY DRESDEN - Gosh I loved the shortlived tv adaptation of The Dresden Files. I loved the fantasy aspect, the stories, the humour, and I especially loved Harry Dresden and how often he got whumped! :D 

10. DAVID TENNANT as THE 10TH DOCTOR - I had watched the Christopher Ecclestone revival of Doctor Who and enjoyed it well enough but I can clearly remember watching David Tennant’s first episode as The Doctor - on Christmas Day, at my brother-in-law’s house - and being aware, as I watched it that... ooookay, yes, I’m in trouble here... I like him... I like him a lot... :D I mean, I’m sure the fact that he got whumped so thoroughly in his very first episode had nothing to do with how quickly I fell for him... right? :)

11. ALEX O’LAUGHLIN as MICK ST JOHN - Another show that ended far too soon and just as it was getting *seriously* good. But also a prime example of my point about having a crush on the character not the actor. I looooooved Alex as Mick St John... and yet in Hawaii 5.0 he pretty much does nothing for me (the character is too stoic and the whump often too unrealistically glossed over). Anyway, in Moonlight he was my favourite kind of character - angsty, brooding, dangerous AF when he needed to be... and essentially immortal so you could whump the heck out of him and he’d recover so you could whump him again! :D

12. SIMON BAKER as PATRICK JANE - There is so much to love about Patrick Jane... his smarts, his sass, his angst... and Simon is a rare “against type” blonde crush for me (you may have noticed by now that most of my crushes follow a similar physical aesthetic - tall, slim/wiry, and dark-haired) and again here I think my crush is almost all to do with the character rather than the actor.

12. BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH as SHERLOCK HOLMES - I’m almost ashamed to admit it, given the clusterfuck that both the show and its fandom became, but in the earlier seasons I had quite the crush on Benedict’s Sherlock (and okay, a little bit on Benedict himself - I did definitely enjoy some of his other roles too). It helps that I was already a huge fan of the Sherlock Holmes character (I’ve read all the stories and novels multiple times and was a big fan of the Granada adaptation starring Jeremy Brett - whose Holmes would definitely count as one of my more minor/passing crushes) already. Benedict is another crush that I have met in person, at a (actually, the first!) Sherlock convention and he was lovely in person - very genuine, very articulate and thoughtful.

13. TOM MISON as ICHABOD CRANE - I was excited for Sleepy Hollow as soon as I heard about it and I was SUCH a fan for the first couple of seasons (before TPTB completely destroyed it and it inevitably got cancelled (I didn’t even watch the last season and a half)) and Tom’s Ichabod (and his amazing chemistry with Nicole’s Abbie) was a large part of why. I also quickly became a big fan of Tom himself as he came across as so witty and self-deprecating and *fun* in all the behind the scenes/convention clips etc. I was lucky enough to also meet Tom at a convention and he genuinely is that witty and charming and lovely.

14. TOM WISDOM as ARCHANGEL MICHAEL - I think Dominion was possibly the first show that I got sucked into by seeing whumpy gifsets on tumblr! :D It was such a great show and also to date the most immersive, welcoming, cast-and-crew-interactive fandom I have ever been in. The cast and crew regularly live-tweeted the episodes, and interacted with fans on Twitter, and it was SO much fun. And Tom’s Michael was my favourite character right from the start - seemingly aloof but so much going on under the surface... and some really nice whump, especially in season 2! I was heartbroken when it was cancelled after only 2 seasons (and just as the plot was getting *really* interesting).

15. OLIVER JACKSON-COHEN as LUCAS - I was hooked on Emerald City right from the first episode. It was visually stunning, so atmospheric, and really intruiging. I love love loved Adria Arjona’s Dorothy (ngl, I had a bit of a crush on her too) and she and Lucas together were just... *chef’s kiss*. I mean... what an introduction to a character... she finds him crucified, bleeding, his wrists tied with barbed wire, and amnesiac.... and the whump only gets better and better from there on in! Like the entire first two episodes are just... Lucas whump! :D And his devotion to her... Emerald City was honestly the first show where I really got into a ship. I was *invested* in Dorcas, dammit! Aaaand sadly another excellent show that never made it past its first season.

16. JASON RALPH as QUENTIN COLDWATER - Another show that I watched right from the start, was heavily invested in.... and that the writers absolutely tanked and destroyed in later seasons. *cries* Quentin was such a brilliant viewpoint character for the show and I loved his awkwardness, and his angst, and his enthusiasm, and his adorable floppy hair... and how often he got whumped! 

17. COLIN MORGAN - I fell for Colin in Merlin (which I stumbled upon late, long after it had finished airing, and hence was able to binge-watch the entire 5 seasons!) and liked him enough to seek out his other works, such as The Fall, and Humans, and The Living and the Dead, and he was brilliant (and very pretty) in all of them... and his characters also seem to get whumped quite a lot! :D 

18. MATT LANTER as WYATT LOGAN - Wyatt was another of my favourite archetypes... absolutely badass and competent... but also tortured and angsty and capable of intense devotion. Another show that I watched because of whumpy gifs on tumblr and the second ever show where I actually got invested in a ship - Lyatt all the way, baby!! :D - aaaaaand yet another show cancelled before its time.

19. NOCTIS LUCIS CAELUM from FINAL FANTASY XV - my very first video game crush! I was recommended to play FFXV by fellow whumpers on the whumpshire discord because it was whumpy... and they were not wrong and I loved the game and I absolutely adored Noctis. FFXV is one of very very VERY few video games that I have actually played right through to the end. And possibly the only video game that has ever affected me to such an extent... I became so invested in the characters and their world and I actually found the last couple of chapters really hard to play because it was actually upsetting me emotionally. I had to take a break for a couple of weeks before I could go back and finish it!

20. CONNOR from DETROIT BECOME HUMAN - and from there I jumped straight into another video game crush! DBH was another game recommended to me for its whump potential and I, and many others, immediately fell in love with the quirky, sassy, self-sacrificing (if you play the game right!) “android sent by Cyberlife”. The game itself is really good too... although, I have tried to play through all the different endings to the story but have never yet managed to make myself play the machine Connor storyline.... I want to complete all the story branches... but I also just want Hank and Connor to be friends and to be happy! :D

21. ZHU YILONG - Ahhh... the beginning of the asian drama arc of my fandom life! I first came across Zhu Yilong after getting sucked into watching Guardian because of pretty (and whumpy) gifs on tumblr... and I’ve never looked back. He is one of the rare entries where I am pretty much guaranteed to like him in pretty much anything he does and my crush extends beyond Shen Wei, or his other characters, and into reblogging his fashion shoot photos, and keeping up with news of his work in general. He’s just... so darn pretty! And also so... blur! :D And the behind the scenes stuff and interviews of him with Bai Yu, during the Guardian era, just made me fall for him all the more. He’s also ridiculously talented - not only a fantastic actor, but a really good singer (I love his singing voice), he plays guitar and piano, and he can paint too!!

He’s also pretty much what made me start learning Chinese... because after Guardian I went seeking his other dramas to watch... only to find that many of them are only partially, or not at all, subbed. So I thought... why not try learning Chinese and then I’ll be able to watch his other shows? :D

21. JI CHANG WOOK - My first kdrama crush, and what a good one to start with! Healer was the first drama I ever watched and can you blame me for falling for JCW... especially when I followed up Healer with The K2?! I’ve liked him in pretty much everything I’ve watched him in. Although I do wish he would go back to doing more action-based shows as he is sooo good at them... but he seems to prefer the romcom genre these days, which is something I am nottt always a fan of tbh.

22. JAKE HSU as MENG SHAO FEI - Yet another show that I got sucked into by tumblr - and also one with a great, fun fandom through which I met lots of lovely people who I still follow/am mutuals with to this day. I just *adored* Jake’s character in History and I also loved the ship - Tang Fan and Meng Shaofei were awesome and adorable together and I was totally invested in both the ship and the gangster/cop/what happened years ago story happening alongside the ship. And Jake is just all kinds of cute.

23. XIAO ZHAN - Aaaand we are pretty much up to current day now... where The Untamed took over my life in the summer of 2019 and has yet to let me go. Xiao Zhan is another disgustingly talented human being - a fantastic singer and a really good actor, and also an artist - and he also just comes across as a genuinely sweet and charming person, and a very thoughful and earnest one too. And lbr he is ridiculously pretty, and his smile is just pure sunshine. 

24. LEE DONG WOOK as LEE YEON - The most recent entry to the charts.... a Korean actor I was aware of but whose work I hadn’t watched and whose looks didn’t particularly seem to grab me... until I watched Tale of the Nine Tailed and fell head over heels for Lee Yeon (and daaayum does red hair suit LDW!!) and very quickly began to find LDW’s looks very appealing (and oh my, does Lee Yeon whump well!!). And yes, I have now started watching Goblin. :D

Phew! Aaaand we are done! I’ll admit, I did think of a few more as I was compiling this list but I decided to categorise them as more “minor” crushes and not include them... otherwise we really could be here all day!!

I’m going to tag: @sarah-yyy​, @arlothia​, @howdydowdy​, @thepromiseweheldforlife​ and @the-wandering-whumper​!

[allie1804-fan]

The Middle of the Road (Chapter 17)

Warnings: Some explicit context

Chapter 1,  2,  3,  4,  5,  6,  7,  8 , 9, 10, 11 , 12,  13  14 , 15 ,  16

Feb 2026

“Wakey, wakey rise and shine my lady”

“mmmmm what?

Emily stirred as Keanu set a tray down on the dressing table.

“Breakfast time – I think you need a nourishing start for this big day don’t you?”

“Oh my god!” she groaned as she remembered, in her drowsy state, what day it was. It was the Oscars Ceremony that night and her screenplay for a film made the year before had been nominated for Best Original Screenplay.  The whole situation was surreal and she’d be doing the whole ‘get ready and promotion’ hoopla for the first time as the main player of the family as opposed to the wife of the main event. Keanu was loving it, teasing her relentlessly during the prior few weeks when she went to do press and he was left home with the kids, who were now 4 ½ and 3 ½ .  They were at one and the same time a handful and a delight.  

It was a Sunday and right now, they were currently watching TV downstairs and Maria, still their nanny on a part time basis, was watching them.  She was here for the day so the two of them could attend the ceremony and it was a treat to have time to enjoy breakfast alone when usually at least one of them would be up at 7 and they’d all be up eating pancakes by 8. Typically there were no lazy Sundays as they would usually go out after breakfast to have some outdoors time, get the kids enjoying fresh air and expending some of their boundless energy.

Keanu and Emily tucked into granola with super cold milk (he always insisted on that!) and then some coffee and a pain au chocolat before snuggling back under the covers.

“Thanks so much for that -  a luxury start to a big day but I should go down and see the kids”

“oh no you don’t, not yet. Maria is in full control and I want to keep you to myself a bit longer!”

“Oh yeah what do have in mind mister?”

“I might just want to make love to my Oscar nominated wife one more time before she becomes my Oscar winning wife”

“Oh come on, I’m not gonna win, I’m up against Mike Leigh and Guillermo del Torro for god’s sake”

“Doesn’t matter who they are, it’s what you wrote that will win it for you”

“Ahh well thanks for the vote of confidence but I’m just amazed to be nominated even - so what will be will be ……………..anyway, about that love making………” she purred, rubbing his cock with the palm of her hand through the lounge pants he had worn to go downstairs”

He responded with a low moan and pulled her to him for a kiss “mmmmm you still taste all chocolatey, got anything else sweet for me?”

He didn’t wait for an answer, sliding down under the covers, rubbing her breasts through her nightshirt and sliding it up as he went, exposing her stomach as he did. She laid her head back on the pillow as she felt his lips on her belly then his warm hands wiggle their way underneath her to grasp her ass. He teased her for a few moments, kissing the tops of her thighs then just blowing softly over her mound making her cry out in need of him. Finally, he obliged, sticking out his tongue and probing up inside her.

“so ruby red and sweet as nectar” he muttered before engulfing her pussy  with his mouth and starting a pattern of steady circling and sucking of the hood of her clit, flicking the nub itself  then licking the lips and probing up inside her vagina. He was patience personified, taking it slow and letting her get close then easing down momentarily – he loved the build up.

She had started to claw at the sheets as she neared orgasm when he suddenly stopped and knelt up in front of her making her gasp in her unfulfilled need. He looked at her mischievously as she lay, pink colour spreading across her chest and cheeks then put two of his long fingers in his mouth to wet them before smiling and laying down again.

She cried out as she felt those two fingers slide inside her and his mouth latch onto his target once more. He groaned as he felt the juices increasing as he pumped slowly in and out, gradually curling his fingers up to press into her g spot. Her hips pressed up rhythmically towards his waiting mouth and one hand grasped his head and held him to his task. Feeling her clitoris reach peak hardness, he pumped faster and harder with his fingers and she let out a load squeal at the intense release followed by a long low moan. Keanu’s ministrations turned gentle as he eased her down before he sat up, a broad grin on his wet face which she hardly registered as she lay recovering.

He wasn’t about to let her have too long to recover though , so great was his need by this point and she soon found herself pulled towards him, her butt pressing against his thighs while he played with her breasts with one hand and grasped his thick shaft with the other.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t wait to have you” he muttered, laying down against her and nibbling on her neck as his cock made its presence felt between her legs. Despite his pressing need, he took it gently. Her pussy was still tight and contracting after her orgasm so he pushed in inch by inch to allow her to relax and take him.

“One last piece of loving mrs nominee” he grunted out, pushing his whole length inside at last, making her quiver against him. “You OK?”

“God yes, just take me now”

Her words inflamed him and he lifted up on extended arms, pulling almost all the way out before each thrust filled and thrilled her. Just as he had with her first orgasm, he knew how to orchestrate this performance too, pumping slow and steady at first, beginning to angle his cock to rub her g spot, then waiting, waiting to feel the gentle fluttering in her vagina that signalled she was on the verge of coming. Only then did he pump faster and harder, thrilling to the sensations of her hands clawing at his back, her pussy pulsing around him, her cries growing louder and his own orgasm crashing his senses, blinding him in a wave of pleasure.

Afterwards, he laid down against her, resting on his elbows and kissing her neck as she stroked his back for a while. Eventually he rolled off her and they lay quietly together, with only the sound of the air conditioning  in the background.

“Are we getting better at that?” he asked jokingly.

“mmm you are!” she grinned – I just lay back and enjoyed!”

“naah takes two to tango!”

“Well all I know is, if I don’t win anything tonight, I’ve still won the best prize being married to you”

“Are you saying you just want me for the sex?!”

“Precisely” she laughed, grabbing his butt “you’re just my own personal himbo”

They lay giggling and snuggling a little while longer then got up to spend time with the kids before they had to head downtown. They would be dressed by a stylist at a hotel and Emily had some pre red carpet interviews to do alongside the cast and director of the movie of her screenplay. Keanu himself was due to present  - fortunately not for her award and he would be done and back sitting beside her when it came time for her award to be announced.

The crowds lining the red carpet were noisy and enthusiastic and Keanu took pride of place next to Emily when Ryan Seacrest invited them up to say a few words.

“and how do you feel about playing second fiddle to your wife today Keanu?”

Emily blushed and he launched into their favourite awards day saying:

“Well, it makes a refreshing change to let her step into the limelight that I’ve been hogging since we met and of course I’m proud, happy and thrilled that she got nominated for her amazing writing. It’s thoroughly well deserved”

“and did you draw on your personal life to inform the characters?” Ryan asked with a cheeky grin. The screenplay was about a man who enticed a high class escort to fall in love with then carry out a murder for him!

Emily laughed along with both Ryan and Keanu who was covering his mouth with his hand as usual.

“Definitely not – I have a very vivid imagination. And nothing could be further from our lives right now with a 3 and a 4 year old running us ragged most of the time!”

“and will they be at home watching right now?”

“Maybe” Keanu said “but they don’t find mom and dad in fancy clothes that interesting so they’re  more likely to be out in the garden playing if I had to guess!”

“Well give them a wave just in case and good luck tonight Emily and good luck with the presenting gig Keanu”

“They each waved at the camera and moved on letting the next guest take their place with Ryan.

They headed to the large reception area, meeting with friends and colleagues along the way to chat and exchange ‘good lucks’. The pre-amble always took ages, Keanu had warned her and Emily’s feet were aching by the time they finally sat down for the prestigious ceremony to begin.

Keanu pointed out the camera positions to her and they joked about the gracious face she’d need to adopt in the event of losing. Several awards came and went before he had to leave to present the Best Supporting Actor award. Emily was sure the cameras swung onto her as he presented though she couldn’t be sure. That was OK by her - she knew she simply had a proud expression all over her face. She was definitely more worried about the moment coming up when they would definitely zoom in on her. Keanu made his way back to her after a couple more awards which left just one more to come before her moment in the spotlight.

The nominees were announced and Keanu squeezed her hand as her name was announced, knowing how nervous and exposed she felt. They played clips from each nominated film after that which gave her a few minutes to gather herself for the big reveal.

The presenters were George Clooney and Emily Blunt who’d co-starred in a film the previous year which was also up for an award. Keanu had teased that Emily only wanted to win because George would kiss her cheek if she did. She had been a fan of his ever since ER in the 90s!

As Emily was opening the envelope, she held Keanu’s hand in a tight grip.

“… and the winner is ……… Emily Reeves”

Keanu leapt up cheering and grabbed her hand to make her stand. He hugged her close and whispered in her ear.

“Now go get your kiss from George! You did it, you’re amazing!”

She kissed him back, simply stunned to have won and rooted to the spot for a moment

“go go” he laughed and she finally let go of his hand to make her way to the stage.

Fear gripped her as she kissed the cheeks of both Emily and George before taking the award from George with shaking hands. “imagine everyone naked” she reminded herself as she stood behind the podium and looked at the sea of faces.

“I’ll keep it short” she said “I know that’s an unusual promise from a writer but I think I can safely say, my husband is more cut out for this limelight business! So thank you Academy for this great honour thank you to the team who brought my screenplay to life in such an amazing, entertaining way and thanks of course to Keanu for making it possible for me to find time amidst raising our young family, to write again. There was a time when I thought I would never come up for air from breast-feeding and diapers but together we’ve made it work, he’s been my biggest cheerleader in this process even though he knew I’d get to kiss my hero ‘Doug Ross’ if I won!”

The audience laughed and the camera swung to Keanu chuckling behind his hand as she said this and then to George laughing too.

She rounded off her speech quickly after that.

“So thank you again Academy for this great honour and for making the dream of teenaged me come true in every way”

A couple of hours later, they arrived at the Governor’s ball where Emily would get her award engraved with her name and they could at last have something to eat. They managed to find a space to sit and be together and let others just come to them rather than endlessly circulating. It was a moment for them to enjoy and share in particular. They hadn’t really been able to talk since the award itself.

“Thank you for my honourable mention” he said kissing her cheek.

“Well you deserve nothing less. I couldn’t have got my mojo back without the space to write that you made happen”

“No we made it happen, just like we made those beautiful babies back home and we made sweet love this morning and we make our day to day life as happy as it can be amidst the madness of toddlers!”

She stroked his cheek and looked adoringly into his eyes.

“Yeah we make a good team huh?”

“Yup – and will you stay with me still, even after kissing ‘Doug Ross?”

“weeeell” she started, making out that it was a tough decision – he laughed and punched her lightly on the arm.

“Well OK then Keanu, I’ll stay with you, if you insist!”

“I do, indeed I do” he replied, pulling her into a kiss that sealed the deal.

The End

@penwieldingdreamer @fortheloveoffanfic @kindainlovewithkeanu @ladyreapermc @witty-wallflower @gatsbynouvel @bitchyslut99 @keanureevesisbae @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @fics-not-tragedies @ficsnroses @kindainlovewithkeanu @paperplanesandwallflowers

[allsassnoclass]

Mashton “now his tummy’s gonna be full of mud”

Gregory I am genuinely so enraged that you asked me to write this but I am a humble entertainer who dances to the whims of the audience so. Boo hiss here this is.

Heads up for copious Supernatural references.  Also they’re both American in this.  It takes place on November 5th.

Mashton: “now his tummy’s gonna be full of mud”

"Ashton," Michael says urgently, staring at his phone.

"What?" Ashton asks, heart pounding.  Has another state flipped?  Have ballots been counted enough to call another win or loss?  Michael stays silent for a moment longer, then moves a hand to cover his mouth.  Ashton can't tell if this reaction is positive or negative, and it sends his anxiety spiking, as if it hasn't already been bad enough since he woke up on Tuesday.

"Michael, what is it?"

"Destiel is canon."

Ashton blinks.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"Destiel, from Supernatural, was made canon in tonight's episode.  Then I think they killed him."

"Killed which one?" Ashton asks, because how else is he supposed to respond?

"Cas.  Apparently he confessed his love and then, like, immediately died.  They really did a speed run bury your gays."

"What the fuck?" he asks faintly, moving next to Michael on the couch so he can properly see his phone.

Ashton hasn't exactly been keeping up with the show, but he used to be a fan.  The first few seasons were really good, actually.  There's some interesting points to be made about American loneliness and the portrayal of masculinity in post-9/11 Bush administration, and Ashton is always a sucker for strong family dynamics in media.  There's something familiar about Dean's loyalty and Sam's aspirations, and Ashton has read up about the influence Kerouac and Siken had on the development of the premise and Kripke's vision.

He stopped watching somewhere in season six, so he wasn't overly invested in Destiel, but he can see the appeal of it.  The concept of an angel of the Lord pulling a repressed homosexual man out of eternal damnation and falling in love with him while they both fight against a predetermined reality really could've been a beautiful story if they hadn't ruined it with the rest of the show.

It's just a monster-of-the-week show that devolved into something slightly worse, but Ashton enjoys romanticizing it a little.

"Where's the clip?" he asks.  Michael searches around and manages to find it, and he turns up the volume and tilts his phone so they both can see better.  Ashton recoils slightly at how deep their voices are, because he forgot that both actors torture themselves like that this late in the game, but then he's quickly drawn in to watching the most perplexing love confession he's ever seen.

"What the fuck?" he says to himself once it's finished.  He has no clue what the context was, but he was so distracted by the weird acting and editing that he's not sure if he really needs it.

"Dude, Dean didn't even reciprocate," Michael says.  "That was genuinely the most homophobic love confession they could've done."

"Well, he could come back to life," Ashton says.  "There's two episodes left.  Maybe they'll somehow save him and then Dean will do an equally cringe-worthy love confession and they'll actually live happily."

"Yeah, maybe," Michael says.  Ashton hums, and then Michael starts giggling.

"Destiel became canon before we got the election results," he says.

"Well," Ashton says, starting to laugh a little himself.  "It's 2020.  Might as well throw canon Destiel in there."

"What the fuck," Michael says, and suddenly they're both full-on laughing, because yeah, what the actual fuck?  They're in the middle of a global pandemic, waiting for the results of the most important election of their life so far, living through about five major historical events a week, and suddenly Destiel becomes canon in the most homophobic way possible, complete with a possibly-unrequited love, weird acting and editing, and then immediate use of the bury your gays trope.  There's nothing to do but laugh.  Ashton feels like God gave Samuel Beckett the pen and let him write this year, because things are quickly approaching absurdism.

"I kind of want to watch the first episode with Cas now," Michael says.  "Knowing that this is what he ends up with, I think it'll be funny to see the beginning.

"It's on Netflix," Ashton says.  "We could.  There's nothing stopping us."

Ashton has two papers due on Thursday and half of a book that he has to finish by tomorrow, but it's not like he was having much luck focusing on it before, anyway.  What harm will one episode of Supernatural do?

"We're doing it," Michael says.  He probably has his own block of homework he needs to steadily be working through, but Ashton certainly isn't going to call him on it.  Michael has been nothing but nerves, fear, and irritability since Tuesday, and it's nice to see him smiling.

Who knew that canon Destiel would be the way to accomplish that?

Michael sets up the TV while Ashton clears the coffee table so they can put their feet up if they so desire.

"You know he doesn't appear until the end of the episode, right?" Ashton says.  "I don't actually remember if they really talk in this one."

"Then we'll watch the next episode too.  This isn't amateur hour, Ashton.  I want to see Castiel have a fully conversation with the love of his life!"

"Alright," Ashton says.  "Want to just binge the entire season?"

"We'll see," Michael says, sitting closer than he was before and pulling a blanket off the back of the couch to cover their laps.  Ashton puts his arm along the back of the couch so Michael can cuddle up if he wants.  He's always been pretty tactile, but with the election he's been too jittery to ask Ashton for contact.  Maybe he'll settle enough here to accept some.

"Ready?" Michael asks, holding the remote.  He doesn't wait for a response before pressing play, and they talk the entire way through "The Road So Far," trying to remind each other what context they need when neither of them have actually watched the show in years.

"Hey, how is he going to get out?" Ashton asks when Dean starts banging on the lid of his coffin.  "That's a lot of dirt he has to dig through.  It'd be too heavy and he'd probably suffocate."

"He's just going to eat the dirt," Michael says with a straight face, and that sends Ashton into another fit of giggles.

"What the fuck, Michael," he laughs.

"Why not?" Michael asks, trying to hold back his own smile.  "Do you see another way for him to get out of there?"

"Maybe his angel boyfriend will help him."

Dean's hands break through the Earth, and Michael turns an unimpressed look to him.

"Do you see Castiel anywhere?"

Ashton concedes his point until Michael starts complaining about Dean breaking in to the nearby gas station and guzzling water.

"He's been dead!  He's probably really thirsty, and it's not like they haven't done worse."

"Now his tummy's gonna be full of mud," Michael laments, and that starts Ashton laughing again.

"He didn't eat the dirt!"

"How else did he get out, Ashton?" Michael says, but he's laughing now, too, a delighted, high-pitched sound that Ashton loves, shoulders releasing some of the tension that has built up there.

"Pay attention, he's calling Bobby," Ashton says, and Michael slumps against him.  He keeps up a stream of commentary, cheering when Castiel finally appears at the end, then talks all the way through the next few episodes, too.  The only reason that Ashton realizes he's fallen asleep on his shoulder is the suspicious lack of talking once they reach the seventh episode of the night.

Michael hasn't been sleeping well.  Neither of them have, really, but the dark circles stand out more under his eyes than Ashton's.  They should probably part ways and head off to separate beds, but Ashton is loath to wake him.  Instead, he carefully grabs the remote and turns the volume down just a little.  He shifts slightly, only enough so neither of them will get a crink in their necks, and rests his own head on top of Michael's.  He's out by the time the episode switches over again.

[purplesurveys]

1110

survey by evening-hush

Can you drive yet? Tell me what you think about it: I love being able to know how to do it. It’s super convenient and I appreciate how it allows me to travel on my own time and schedule.

What is your favorite time period in history to learn about? When it comes to learning history, it’s not really so much a certain period I like reading about but rather the sub-topic under it. That said, I like learning about social history the most. I’d much rather learn about the recipes people used to make than the weapons they used in war, or who conquered which lands.

What's the saddest report you have ever seen on the news? It unfortunately makes for somewhat frequent news here, but I always hear of news clips covering discarded fetuses - and sometimes even days-old infants - located in a trash bin. It makes me infuriated too, but for the most part it’s heartbreaking.

Describe what your smile looks like: I think I have quite a cheery smile. I just get insecure sometimes because of my teeth, but most of the time I like to smile big and have it look genuine.

What colors do you associate with all of the four seasons? As someone from a country that doesn’t actually get to experience any of the four seasons, here’s what I think of each: winter is white, summer is sky blue/yellow, spring is yellow/pink, and fall is maple-ish/orange.

In your honest opinion, what is the scariest sea creature you know? Erm, probably those deep-sea creatures that look more like rocks than fish.

Don't you think old people are awesome? I think most Baby Boomers suck, but there are some rare gems out there, I guess.

What is your favorite day of the week? Why? Friday, of course. Reaching the end of the day, knowing there’s a full weekend ahead of me, feels super relieving and freeing.

What time do you usually get to sleep at night? It varies. On weekdays I’ll sleep anywhere between 9-11 PM; and more recently, for weekends, I’ve been trying to stay up until midnight or beyond because I want to be able to catch up on the hobbies I don’t get to do on weekdays.

When you text, do you use text lingo? If it’s with a friend, yes. Never with a client or anyone I’m communicating with for official work purposes.

Oh! What's your name? Robyn.

Who would you cast to play you in a movie? I guess the obvious choice would be Vanessa Hudgens since she’s Filipina?? but idk. It would be neat to have someone as badass as Florence Pugh or Emma Stone to play me, though.

If you could go back in time & live in any decade, which would it be & why? I’d shake it up and pick some random, obscure, perhaps unremarkable decade like the 1570s. Just so I have absolutely no clue what to expect.

What superpower do you think would be the most handy in times of trouble? Manipulation of thoughts/emotions. It’s not the most ethical, but that’s not what we’re talking about here lmao.

Do you believe there is just one love for everyone, or...? I believe everyone can have their own truth when it comes to love.

What natural disaster scares you the most? Earthquakes.

Why are you best friends with your best friend? She just gets me, I guess. We get along very well, our humors match perfectly, but most of all she’s patient with me and I’ve always been able to see that she genuinely cares about me.

What quirk bothers you the most about other people? People are so quick to cancel others these days; it’s amusing to watch people enthusiastically pick fights over just about anything.

Would you ever marry for money? The idea itself is attractive, but I’m not sure I would actually push through with it. I think I have to love someone should I ever marry them.

What is one of the toughest things you have ever had to do? Move on with my life. Acknowledge the ugly emotions and acknowledge that I’m not doing ok.

What outrageous career could you see yourself wanting to do? This is outrageous for me, but modeling. The career itself is not strange, but I used to want to be a runway model in my early teens and it’s funny to look back on now.

Do you world peace is truly a possibility in the future? No.

What song lyrics best reflect your personality? Idk about personality, but right now, “Why do memories glow the way real moments don’t?” is super relevant to my life at the moment.

In what way would you want to help change the world? Being one with marginalized groups in their various fights and causes.

Do you think it is important to tell the truth or spare someone's feelings? It depends on the gravity of the situation, I guess? Like white lies are fine, but in more serious situations it’s always better to tell the truth. I remember that when my great-aunt died last year, all her siblings made it a point not to inform their brother (my great-uncle) who recently had a heart surgery and was thus very vulnerable and could possibly have an attack if he ever found out. They kept it from him for nearly the entire year and it drooooove meeeeee nutsssssssss. I suppose it was understandable for the first few days, but when those days turned to several months, I started to wish they’d tell him sooner because I felt like it would be a lot worse once he learned she’d been dead since the start of the year. Anyway, I was recently informed he knew about it already and I never heard drama come out of it, so I guess it was dealt with well.

What is the most awkward moment you have ever had to endure? Ugh, probably that time an online delivery arrived at home and it was a fucking vibrator/dildo meant for my parents.

When driving down the road looking for an address do you turn the radio low? Hahahaha yessss.

Pretend you are a really good cook, what meal would you make? Risotto.

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your closet? Why? My mom jeans. It’s a classic look that always works, plus it’s super comfy.

What do you think of when you look at the stars? Looking up at the stars means I’m thinking hard. It gets me in a reflective mood.

If you could say ONE THING to the president, what would it be? Ughhhh fuck you get your presidency over with already we are all fucking tired.

What is your favorite kind of weather? As long as it’s chilly I’m happy.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Both, I guess?

What's one thing you feel you must do in your life before it ends? Travel to a different continent.

What Disney princess are you most like? Personality wise, I mean. Ariel was such a hopeless romantic and reckless and dumb when it came to love, so let’s go with her.

Tell me about your worst fashion mistake: I was a late bloomer and let my mom buy my clothes for me at ages where I definitely should’ve already stopped doing so.

Do you believe in astrology? No.

Do you look into people's eyes when you talk to them? Not always.

You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. Pick one. Don’t they come together though? If I love someone it means I trust them?? But it’s whatever. I’ll go with trust.

Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? Yeah, I think I’m thoughtful and I like that I’m good at remembering small details about my friends. I’d love a friend like that.

What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you don't love them? Probably that I don’t. I’ve never had to do it before, either.

What do you think is the most important thing in this life is? Self-satisfaction.

What did you think about this survey thingy? :] Nice roster of random questions! I personally enjoyed it.

[kim-lexie]

week-by-week playback: crash landing on you.

just to preface, pardon that some of this may not be cohesive. i made this a separate post because otherwise the collective review would be insanely long. and i wanted to keep a space where i just let my thoughts from each episode exist, so here it it. 

if you want to see my semi cohesive thoughts from the themes and characters here is my actual review. crash landing on you.

*spoiler alert*

ep 1-2 my goodness this man, hyun bin (aka ri jung hyuk in this drama) is dreamy as ever. *like swoons*. son ye-jin is perfect, i loved her in "something in the rain” and this character is completely different and i am loving it. this free easy going aide of this actress. she is adorable and i love how in a crazy situation the first thing she thinks is ‘you’re totally my type’ bc seriously a girl after my own heart.

now the concept is completely ridiculous but i’ll jump on the band wagon and live my best life bc i think this is going to be a unique concept that i fall for. the fact that she doesn’t listen to him and goes directly into north korea i’m like girl you’re crazy.

i love how they added the clips at the end of the episode and how he was laughing at her. precious how he’s already falling for her quirky side. i am intrigued to see where their relationship first started like how did they meet before how did he leave north korea and enter back in as a general captain?!? so many questions and i’m so excited.

ep 3-4.  kim ju-meok (captain ri’s company of 5) saying i haven’t seen any drama characters that don’t fall in love in that situation. hahaha same dude same. when the guy was spying, jung man-bok, and trying to keep up with the drama plot. hahaha

i loved when the ladies tried to see her and she made him act all sweet walking him out the door.

he said all nice things to the plant!!!

ep 5-6. his relationship with his fiancé is soooo weird. and her family must be super high up in north korea. same to his family though. his mom has an ostrich in her yard!!! i love how they got stuck on the train on their journey to pyeongyang. i love how he jumps to his feet to get her anything she wants. they’re precious together. i’m excited to see where it takes us bc now that the man on the run knows that she is there, there is leverage. he was the first guy she waited for TT. i’m really enjoying the little tidbit scenes at the ending.

he’s gonna keep a photo of her even though he said it was silly to get a momento. the clarification between destiny and coincidence.

ri jeong-hyeok do you want to be my destiny. ‘as long as you stay in my sight you’ll be safe, as long as she is in my sight i will protect her.’

ep 7-8. her character growth since meeting him is extensive and i love to see this side of her not as callused and closed off but rather vulnerable.

‘so happens that you’ve become a special person to me

for once i had to protect you too.’

the heart on his uniform she stitched up.

it’s his brothers song. TT

him going to find her bc she might have been waiting in him. he’s not wrong. and her being concerned with him not being in the hospital bc of his injuries.

your life here might be shattered bc of me.

and i don’t like that.

she’s gets kidnapped. after all this. she even decorated a christmas tree and got him a gift.

held my breath for a solid minute after that gunshot.

ep 9-10. yes his freaking dad in these moments where i’m crying just provides the perfect comedic relief bc he can’t freaking believe what’s happening in front of him. “you make my heart flutter. the other dude.” even when you didn’t know it you saved my life. when he played the song for the first and last time for his brother.

how would i forget about a woman who feel from the sky? -jeong-hyeok

i didnt fall. i descended. -se ri

she freaking wrote i love you with the books.

his brother was such a good person and got the medicine for his friends baby.

when they had to say goodbye to each other. and when their eyes met once again.

ep 11-12. this episode. i loved seeing how the comrades reacted to the daily living of those in seoul. they were too precious. absolutely terrifying that cheol-gang made his way into a security. like what kind of background check did they get?!? like. come on.  

cannot believe that jeong-hyeok found her in an echoing parking garage. it’s destiny.

seo dan got the term ‘sweetmeat’ from seri stop it!!

all of the almost encounters had me dying, while the boys were trying to track down captain ri. the gaming to ignoring the call for chicken.

they wanted to recruit kwang-beom for an agency. they’re like your cover was blown bro.

talking about a future when he didn’t go back. married with twins. and he’ll play piano again.

them dresses as south koreans got me like. my goodness. they’re too much. them all hugging was beautiful. he missed them all so much.

her mother left her at the beach. like what the even. her sister in law gave him her address what the even, this side of her family is wack.

they surprised her for her birthday. my goodness. this moment i’m weeping then it’s like dang that would have been cute.

i’ll be thankful the person i love is still breathing.

and it will be a good year.

-ri jeong hyeok

ep 13-14. the couple rings.

our boys. slaying it. my gosh. when they’re all surrounding her after she was shot. and crying my heart broke.

i never played the piano. and i’ve never told anyone. until you crash landed into my word one day. that’s how i lived. but now i’ved changed. even if i have to worry about losing you, i want to have you in my life. even if it breaks my heart bc it’s a dream that can’t come true, i’d like to sincerely dream of a future. so please live. and listen to my words i still have stories that i haven’t told you yet. -ri jeong-hyeok

when she finally woke up and he ran in. the fact that the mole wire tapped the room while she was unconscious. and then the tape of her mom telling her and wanting to thank seri and ask for forgiveness, and also the fact that her oppa and sister in law wanted her gone...wack.

when he was showing her his scars and the boys walked in and thought something scandalous was up, i died laughing.

i love them together. “they’re curious about your face. i understand bc you look great from the back.” -seri with regards to the paparazzi posting a photo of him online.

the split second after cheol-gang died and ri jeong-hyeok contemplated ending his life, because he didnt know what would happen when he went back to north korea.

while seung-jung was hiding in the market after he ran away from his captors, and the orphans collectively sang that sad song to distract the officers and protect him.

when seung-jung gave seo dan the ring that she picked up from the store so he could give it to seri who gave it to the pawn shop, and he picked it back up and proposed to seo dan. i weeped, because why does this have to be so hard.

when the NIS was collecting data on the ‘spies’: purchases at internet cafe, downloading videos of his favorite drama star, chicken restaurant, etc.  i can’t.

him deciding to go protect her even though he missed his chance of leaving the north with his life. and that she would be the one crying for him once he died made him sad and happy.

seri would make the same decision again. to meet the people and keep the experiences she had. “the wind blows to move in, not to stay.”

the exchange at the boarder was all too much. they all had to say goodbye so quickly.

ep 15-16. her family is wack. thank goodness seodan was able to get her revenge and get all the information from the chinese gang to turn over her older brother.

he wrote her back in the bookshelf. and is sending her notes after he’s gone. her breakdown in the kitchen when she saw all that he left for her. and receipts.

them going for walks at the same time of day to have a shared moment.

all of captain ri’s men reminiscing of the good things seoul had. internet. electricity.

i love that seri made a limited edition product to pay tribute to the ladies that helped her in the north.

he got her a freaking plant. i can’t. she is carrying for the plant like a baby and taking it around with her. got to say nice things to it. i knew it the last thing she said was rihoseok. (honestly wanted it to be a tomato plant)

“season changed but messages kept coming.” i really love this.

“it was eldewiss let’s meet in the country where these flowers bloom.” tell me they meet. please. oh please.

when ri jeong-hyeok broke the news that he was moving on to become a pianist and that the new captain is not a handsome man. the ladies of the village faces just dropped. i can’t.

“he found me every time. and i’m sure he’ll find me again someday.” -seri

“edelweiss symbolizes precious memories. what should i do jeonghyeok? it’s impossible for me to herons your just as a memory. so even if we don’t meet this year, maybe next year. if that doesn’t work too, i’ll anticipate the year after that. until the day you find me i’ll be waiting and praying.” -seri

stop it she is going to go paragliding and meet him again. come on.

eun-dong saying he misses his sister. i love them.

most wonderful two weeks of the year. stop it they have a house together in switzerland. and they are living happily ever after.

i really don’t want it to end...

[vrenaewrites]

CARAVAL thoughts:

FULL VIDEO HERE.

Confession: I DNFed caraval about 2 years ago. I even included this book in a video called “reading 5 star reviews of books I hate” (either screen record and insert the clip from that vid or link in the cards skip to like 6:40 or both)

 Chapter 1

We open with letters that our main character Scarlett has written to the caraval master Legend

She really wants him to come to her island but he hasn’t 

She finally gets one back with three tickets for her Tella and her fiancé 

Chapter 2

Scarlett’s feelings came in colors “urgent red of burning coals, frenzied yellow of a flapping bird’s feathers” 

She goes to tell her sister Tella and finds her making out with a dude lol 

Julian is his name 

The edges of the paper “blazed a shimmery gold, the color of magic and wishes and promises of the things to come”

Tella hates the count Scarlett is betrothed to but Scarlett wants to leave their home so bad she doesn’t care who she ends up with 

“Gods teeth!” Is the expletive…

The prize of caraval is one wish 

They have to leave the isle within 3 days which would be impossible before getting married 

Tella’s lips “shifted from broken to unbreakable” NO

Last time they left Scarlett’s dad did something terrible to her

Julian offers to smuggle them to the island for caraval on his sailor ship (pirate ship??)

“Goldenrod desire lit up inside her”

Wishes were about as real as unicorns

Their dad shows up with gloves “the shade of bruises” 

Tella accuses Scarlett of hooking up with Julian RUDE!!!!

And Julian agrees!

Ohh because the dad beats the other sister so they’re trying to protect each other by accusing each other 

Her marriage is 10 days away

Chapter 3

Her fathers perfume smelled like the color of his gloves 

Julian decides to take them off the isle for free after witnessing this 

Tella says if she leaves she will never return 

“Her world was a grand game board, and her father believed this marriage would be his penultimate move”

“More than your sisters face will bleed” is their dad assaulting them?? Did I just gloss over that when reading this the first time??

“Weather worn white archways” loved 

Governor dragna sounds like judge frollo 

Their mom disappeared 7 years ago - abandoned them 

They have priests and piety and the devil but they don’t use the BC AD calendar instead going by seasons and rulers...why

Chapter 4

She felt the lie from childhood “sneaking into her slippers and moving between her toes” no you didn’t

“A broken dock like a massive tongue jutted out to stones that reminded Scarlett if uneven teeth” 

It was nights like these she could smell the moon - I wrote taste at first and taste fits better imo

A friend tried to help them escape once and the governor drowned him for it, Tella didn’t know about this 

She meets Julian here at midnight and barters all 3 tickets to keep him from helping Tella escape 

Julian and Tella ambush her and knock her out 

Chapter 5

“A pock marked moon winked in the glass”

She has a dream about their nana telling them how legend got his name 

First of all, legend is a bad dumb name and you should feel bad about it, Stephanie Garber. Caraval is also a bad name. 

He was in love with a woman named Annalise and would perform at a coronation to earn her fathers respect, but he needed a witch to grant him a wish of talent 

He had to choose between fame and love

So his name is legend because his magic is legendary? How tf did John legend not sue over this?

“Behind her a cloud drifted over the moon, covering all but two tiny points of light, which hovered behind her silver hair like devil’s horns” love this visual 

I’m calling it now, we’re getting this flashback because somehow, the dragna sisters are related to Annalise or remind legend of Annalise and this is why Tella gets taken 

Chapter 6

She wakes up in a rowboat with Julian after 2 days which is always a good way to pass the 2 days journey it takes without having to make anything happen lol I respect it 

Julian calls her crimson instead of Scarlett - hated it then hate it now 

Trees “rose toward the sky like massive emeralds” and the waterfall “streamed down like melted peacock feathers” no it didn’t because that makes no sense 

Legends private island is called the island of dreams in Spanish 

Tella has set up a kidnapping so Scarlett can go back without getting In trouble

“The image of a purple fire breathing dragon came to mind, coating her vision with ashy shades of anxiety”

I remember stopping very shortly after this and now I remember why - I can do purple prose but DAMN 

Their mom had “vanished taking nothing with her, she disappeared like a broken star leaving the world untouched, save for the missing bits of light but no one would ever see again” Good purple prose 

We get some backstory on how her Nana was more involved after her mother left, and we get to hear again about how great her stories are, even though we just spent a chapter getting that first hand from a flashback

She barters with herself to stay only one day and then go home for her wedding 

There’s a hole in the boat so they swim but she didn’t take her dresses off so she starts to drown

“You deserve this” because of Phillippe, like hands the water pressed her down down down 

Julian saved her and cuts off her dress which she finds very intense 

Chapter 7

So much description of the snowy frosting sand pick one

I get that it’s a magical island but every descriptor up until the sand made it sound like a tropical paradise, and then suddenly the sand is snow and there’s ice and snow on the trees which were just giant emeralds so I’m confused

Because being wet and cold is more scary 

“ The snow on the rooftops rested like dust on abandoned storybooks“

A very diagon alley sitch where there are magical stores but none are open...because it’s caraval guys. They’re at the games 

They go into a clock shop where there are clothes waiting along with food roses and a note from legend 

They change and she sees awful scars on his hot muscly back 

Her dress is lame despite every YA trope about the heroine having a princess moment, that’s fun: just kidding it changed colors and shape to fit her perfect 

And Julian’s outfit is super hot 

He stole a pocket watch 

Scarlett was a pretty girl but she tried to hide it, her eyes were too honest, no one noticed girls in ugly clothes 

“Scarlet wondered if she had found a way to escape her fathers deadly games only to become a well costumed piece on a new game board” no shit Scarlett you came to the island for the game…

Also you were in such a hurry to find Tella and get into the game before it was too late and now you’re waxing poetic about how hot Julian is and how you’re hot but you don’t wanna be 

Chapter 8

“Sage shaded colors of suspicion” I really hate this device she’s using. I’ve used it to describe the colors my mind reading characters see in people's minds. But it’s like twice a book, maybe, to express extreme emotion. Not every time your feelings change. 

Some guy comes in and offers them a portal into caraval and Scarlett is like “sure thing” and Julian is like “ummm dumdum” and he leaves 

The guys like “oh you just gonna listen to that random guy?” And I’m like as opposed to you, another random guy?

He wants her voice okay Ursula 

“A passionate sky made of melting lemons and burning peaches” or say yellows and oranges…

“Until the door was no more” love this, sounds very fairy tale 

She leaves and it's like night already, she only has til midnight 

Scarlett and Julian get in by him pretending to be the count, her fiancé 

They take the path of the players, not the watchers

Chapter 9

“A panicked Vermillion moved inside of her chest as she thought of how specific legends letter had been”

Julian admits he’s played caraval before and Scarlett is like *gasp* but HELLO how did you think he knew all the shit he knew?

He keeps calling her crimson like every time he speaks to her, annoying 

“Julian’s smile turned seductive, all shameless curves and immoral promises” 

Chapter 10

“Soft golden lights licked her arms with gentle kisses of warmth”

I’m very bored when this house is supposed to be EVERYTHING

The guy who was giving them the rules says, “don’t let your eyes or feelings trick you” And then jumps off the balcony and Scarlet freaks out… He just told you not to trust what you see

Scarlett is the most annoying person

Their instructions are to get to the end by sunrise or they’ll be locked out in the streets, but she’s wasting time wanting to look for her sister - and Julian is telling her that her sister is probably staying at the same place and she doesn’t believe him despite the fact that he’s already done this game before, just trust him???

“A searing green door watched Scarlet like a glowing eye”

This just made me figure out why I don’t like that she’s using colors as an emotional device, because the main character is named after a color, and so it’s just way too many color descriptors

Julian got trapped outside noooo

Chapter 11

But it’s fine because she tells the innkeeper they’re guests of legend - which they are - and he’s let in. Great. Glad there are no stakes. They also used legends name to get the boat to the inn for free. 

The hallways in the inn “smelled like the end of the night, sweat and fading fire smoke mixed with lingering breath from words whose ghosts still haunted the air” no

Julian was “poison in an attractive bottle”

Their rooms are actually one room oops

Chapter 12

“But legend saw all during caraval”

She got a message from legend: it’s a key with tella’s name on it 

Lmao tella is having sex behind that door for sure 

“She felt five different shades of berry colored foolish” this is so stupid 

Every time something happens between tella and scar, we get a whole expository moment about how this is related to their mother or their father or the relationship between the sisters… We know. we can tell. we are not stupid.

“Warmth licking her cheek” this metaphor is too specific to keep using it

Some tattooed dude finds her - Dante - and is like “sleep in my room”

He asks her out but she declines because the count 

Damn her dress has transformed to be like see through which is why he was into her lmao 

She has a dream that legend is a creep lol

Chapter 13

Scarlett totally changes her tune re: enjoying herself 

She passes tella’s room and finds a wreck 

“Feathers covered the carnage as if a rebel Angel had gone mad” this is so dumb 

The key she got with tella’s name was a clue, that other people also got 

A pregnant girl offers to help scarlet, and a man steals scarlets favorite earrings from her mother 

Then the pregnant girl steals that stuff 

She realizes there’s a postcard in tella’s room that isn’t hers

Chapter 14

Tella only loved mermaids, and the postcard is of a castle, which was Scarlett’s thing 

The castle is a place on the isle that Julian recognizes 

Dante shows up and Julian is like hell nah 

Dante won last time Julian was here and it cost him a lot

“Shops wrapped in colors like a birthday presents, cerulean blue apricot orange saffron yellow primrose pink while the canals remained midnight dark” SHUT UP dude

This woman got like a color wheel or a color dictionary for her birthday the year she wrote this book 

Time moves fast in the castle 

What’s really annoying about this book is Stephanie Garber spends a lot of time talking about things that are boring, and one sentence on something like hummingbird-sized elephants and tigers

There’s a kissing tent and she’s like fuck yeah let’s go there

You’re engaged

Julian sees where she’s looking and is like yeah??

A tingle of periwinkle curiosity

Chapter 15

She goes into the tent of a half naked dude who could tell her fortune 

This is all very boring 

He has incense that makes people tell the truth and she admits Julian is the hottest guy ever 

She asks what’s the man she will marry really like? 

He’s not a good person 

She’s covered in only pictures he can see instead of pictures only he can see…

She had 2 questions but the way she asked used them up so she doesn’t get to ask about tella 

Chapter 16

He tells her to follow the boy with the heart made of black...obviously Dante, she thinks Julian 

She walks into a potion tent and finds an elixir of protectio

She mentions her father and feels “anise and lavender and rotting plums”

She describe the woman who works in the potion tent as having “bottle green” eyes, but this entire paragraph has the word bottle in it like 1 million times because shes describing a tent full of potions...all these colorful words you’ve used and this is where you use “bottle green”

I don’t mind the descriptor, my own eyes are bottle green, it’s very vivid, but badly placed 

She chases Julian to a decrepit garden with a fountain, and sees a glass button

She also saw a glass button in tella’s room...is this how legend spies on her? Is this where tella is being kept?

“Dreary yellow hopelessness” infected her

She sees the symbol of caraval inside the fountain and touches it, revealing a staircase 

Someone screamed as hot and bright as fire 

It’s madness tunnels 

The inn “smells of laughter and boasts laced with sweetened ale” this doesn’t make seeeeeennnnnnnnse

She finds Julian, but it’s actually Dante and he’s mean to her and she cries but it makes her mad at Julian?????? Stupid 

Chapter 17

Julian finally shows up, super bloody but he just had a head wound

She cleans him up and is getting super horny lol 

He got her earrings back!!!!!

The fire dies sending up a plume of smoke “the color of things better said in whispers” 

She tells him about the tunnels and he says legend treats his prisoners like guests 

Julian’s eyes are the color of “caramel and liquid amber lust”

He almost kisses her and then seems to wake up, leaves and “disappointment wraps around her in cool shades of forget me not blue” STOP

Chapter 18

She wakes up to white roses with red tips 

Julian is supposed to meet her but doesn’t 

A girl shows up “pretty as a watercolor and dressed as bold as a trumpet” DUDE

“Oh poor you, here you are on a magical island, and all you can think of is what you don’t have” get her!

Dante shows up and she realizes he has a black heart tattoo which DUH SCARLETT

chapter 19

The night is “brittle, crisp like the first bite of a chilled apple, smelling just as sweet with hints of burnt sugar weaving through the charcoal night air” THIS IS GOOD PURPLE PROSE! I can taste this!!!!!!!

She’s chasing Dante and finds a cider seller who’s drink will help her see things more clearly, the price is her last lie 

She drinks it and loses the color in her vision 

The game is constantly working against you?????? How?! You’ve stumbled across tons of clues without any work and there are no believable stakes to this game, this drink is the first time you’ve had a struggle…

Iko holds a journal that’s brownish green, “the color of forgotten memories, abandoned dreams, and bitter gossip”

Even in black and white we get this heavy handed color shit 

She realizes anything in color is important

She also sees the red roses on a carousel and the red cravat on a mans neck 

He makes her feel perilous shades of silky black - is Stephanie Garner an artist? Does she have synesthesia or something?? What is with this device!!!!

She looks in Iko’s book and sees pictures of her, the special guest

Sour shades of yellow green made her stomach roil with trepidation - HUH????

She’s like “why would he make the game about me?” You’ve been begging him to bring you caraval your entire life, why do you think? 

I think I remember the nana saying annelise had blonde hair, and so does tella...are they related to her? Is she nana? 

Iko tells her the notebook also holds all the true stories of caraval

Iko will give her the notebook if Scarlett will buy 2 dresses because the changing dress bothers her (??)

Iko takes her to a dress shop where the dresses are “the color of late night laughter, early morning sunshine, and waves crashing around ankles” 

The dresses cost nightmares or secrets or fears

She owes her worst fear and greatest desire, or she can pay 2 days of her life per dress 

It works but her greatest desire isn’t to find her sister, so she pays with 2 days of her life, not at the end of her life but at the end of caraval 

“Panic came in hemlock green, the color of poison and terror” 

“Something acidic and moldy and burnt bubbled up in Scarlett’s throat - the taste of death” like this 

Scarlett’s body dies but her mind will exist in a dream world 

Chapter 20

Dante finds her and drags her into the inn 

Julian hits Dante because he won’t let her go hell yeah

She tells him what happened 

Julian tried to give Scarlett a day of his life by having her drink his blood from his finger and she’s like “I wanna fuck this duuuude”

“His voice is so gentle, made of gentle” I liked this 

Then he drinks her blood from her finger, and the world shatters into a million shards of colored glass 

He lays down with her and holds her while she dies

Chapter 21

Death was the color purple.

She sees tella in the dream world, and tella has a huge dark book that swallows her and Scarlett 

They see young nana in a house similar to the one they entered at caraval, entwined with a young man

Her grandma is Anneliese DUH

Then she’s at the funeral of the woman who died at caraval before

Rosa was in love with legend and he rejected her so she killed herself 

Dante was rosa’s fiancée 

Legend is julian?!?!?

Loved This entire chapter but then it means nothing because none of this is real it’s all part of the game so it’s not really story development

Chapter 22

They both wake up 

Scarlett tries to convince herself the game is messing with her 

Then she remembers what the dream people said about legend loving to make girls fall for him 

She has a grey streak in her hair now 

Her dad is there!

She finally puts it together - her nana is anneliese 

“She could see the sting of her rejection in shades of stormy blue ghosting over his heart like sad morning mist” roll my eyes

But then she remembers that he gave a day of his life for her and is like why would he do that if he was legend 

 Now she’s changed her mind, so she goes after Julian to find him leaving Dante’s room and walking into tella’s 

She goes in after him to hide from her dad but the room is empty 

She finds another secret staircase like the fountain 

She trips over Dante’s dead body and finds Julian standing over it 

Chapter 23

Julian grabs her and is like “I didn't kill him, we were working together” 

He shows her a white rose tattoo he has, Rosa was his sister!!

She asks why he had been acting weird and he basically says he didn’t want to have feelings for her because that wasn’t why he had come to caraval 

Scarlett is like let’s get this fucker back, but she hears her dad’s footsteps in the tunnel  

Chapter 24

They start running, and they hide in a weird alcove from her dad that starts to squish them

She realizes it’s feeding off their fear so they relax and it lets them out

They end up in the sand tunnel and Scarlett is like how could you know I was going to caraval if you were already at our island when I got my tickets 

Julian explains that legend is punishing the descendants of anneliese and he invited her to caraval to stop the wedding

Legend had never responded until she signed her full name on the last letter, mentioning her wedding 

Julian is the fucking count dude calling it 

“His steady gaze reached out to the broken parts of her like a caress, a type of touch that moved through damaged flesh, past fractured bones and into a person's wounded soul.” WOW

Scarlett hears tella’s voice and almost runs straight off a cliff

“Tella loved danger the same way candle wicks loved to burn. It never seemed to scare her that some of the things she lusted for might consume her like a flame” Christ 

Julian knew tella would be taken during caraval 

Chapter 25

She had to find tella before legend consumed her like a flame burning a candle” you just used a candle metaphor like one page ago my dude. 

She gives herself one minute to cry and scream and Julian hears her so he barges in, worried 

He apologizes and she gives him the grace I’ve been waiting for as soon as he said he knew what would happen to tella: he had to avenge his sister. Everything they’re both doing is for their sisters, she should be more understanding 

Julian is “all kinds of tragic and lovely”

The box was “flat black, the color of failure and funerals” shut UP

Like if you wanna use the color device to describe your protagonists feelings stop being so fucking flowery with every single color in the book it is soooooooooooooooo distracting

It’s the other dress Scarlett has bought but now it’s white

Chapter 26

There’s a note in the box from legend that makes “invisible spiders crawl over her skin” ok 

She thinks the dress is the 5th clue - the buttons on the dress reminds her of the buttons leading to the hat store 

Chapter 27

They go to the top hat place and Julian is like “this is all wrong” 

Iko appears looking like “a teardrop the moon had cried” love it

She tells them not to go into the hat shop 

Let me guess, despite both of these omens Scarlett is still gonna go in 

“Scarlett had an emerald green premonition that she would make a discovery inside” sure why tf not gotta keep the story moving somehow 

She sees the store owner and was like LEGEND and he’s like nah dude I’m just wearing a hat 

But he is the guy that was wearing the red cravat and eyepatch from the day her vision went gray 

He is the count!!!!!

Chapter 28

Nicholas Darcy 

And her dad is there!!!!!!!!!!

Julian gets her out but the count chases her and they get on a boat 

She sees her dad and he looks afraid but she blames it on the rain 

They row to the castle and Julian convinces her to get inside to hide from the lightning 

And they argue about if she’s still planning marrying the count and she’s torn which hurts him 

He says “are you sure you want this?” Before kissing her and like is it a consent thing or is it him asking if he’s what she wants either way I love it 

“The boy who had saved her from drowning in more ways than one” explain…

They kiss and “every touch created colors she had never seen” that’s so anticlimactic 

Chapter 29

The stones fall through the hourglass like “drops of falling rose petals” that makes no sense but we have to include it because...

She finally realizes the roses that have been EVERYWHERE are part of the game duh 

She takes Julian to the fountain where the tunnel entrance is

She feels ochre shades of uneasy

Only NOW she’s giving pause at the idea of winning because she could wish them safe...shoulda been your goal all along. Should have been equally as important as finding tella since if you find her you win the wish….I’m signing heavily atm 

The governor and the count are there!!!!! 

Swear to god if Julian dies I’m going to fucking riot 

She wants to split up but Julian is like fuck no 

The count catches up to her and the governor pulls her by her hair up the stairs 

He punches her in the stomach to warn Julian and she gets back up, with the count trying to protect Scarlett

“A slick mud colored feeling coated Scarlett’s insides” because the governor is holding a knife to Julian’s throat

He cuts Julian’s face NOOOOOO

The governor takes Julian to his room and let’s the count sleep in Scarlett’s room because “he’s already paid for her, he can enjoy her a few days early”

Scarlett stands up to her dad!!!! And then she remembers tella’s words: what if the count is worse?

Scarlett tells the count if she makes her dad stop, she’ll be a good wife but if he doesn’t she will never be his obedient wife 

“Do you really want a bride who will only sleep with you because someone will be tortured if she doesn’t?” YES

Chapter 30

The count is like “listen I am NOT like your dad I’m sorry” and she’s like yeah but you’re not Julian 

The count starts undressing and Scarlett aims a poker at his eyeball lmao 

She finally remembers the elixir of protection in that dress from the tent and soaks the count 

The count is like “you’re playing into legends hands” and Scarlett is like “nah he did me a favor by getting rid of you”

Chapter 31

Julian’s cut isn’t that deep thank god but he’s still woozy 

“He tasted like midnight and wind”

Leap of faith - roses - it’s Rosa!!!!! She has to ask how Rosa died and Julian says she jumped off a balcony 

They decide to sneak out using the tunnels to go search all the balconies

Chapter 32

The town during the day looks like a “faded memory”

She hears music from the rose colored carousel 

The musician has been asking for coins the whole time but nothing else cost money

They jump onto the moving carousel and end up in the roses where Scarlett finds the caraval symbol

They have to jump, Julian gives her coordinates to a boat in case they get separated but they run out of time and she has to go in 

She lands in a river and lands at a staircase guarded with statues that are definitely frozen people 

Legend is there ofc 

Chapter 33

She’s a little star struck by legend 

His laugh is a rich spicy sound that echoes until he snaps his fingers 

Homeboy is mad 

Julian ends up there, dry, and...he’s working with legend...NOOOOOOO

Dante and Valentina were also part of the game 

Rosa was not his sister...DUDE

She clutches his pocket watch and legend opens it - Julian’s voice comes out apologizing for betraying her 

He does love her HE IS ENCHANTED!!!!!

LEGEND STABS JULIAN?!?!?!?!?!?

Oh fuck he is spitting blood oh fuck oh no 

Scarlett you got him killed you dumdum 

Chapter 34

I’m FUCKING FURIOUS 

she remembers that she gets one wish, and she wants to use it to bring Julian back and I swear to goooooddddddd if he doesn’t come back I’m gonna throw myself out the window 

Legend is gone, leaving a funeral invitation for tella set for tomorrow this guy is a MONSTER

Chapter 35

She ends up on a huge rooftop way high up 

“The air felt soft and poisonous” 

Tella is there feeling like “softness and sunlight and seeds for growing dreams”

We just used soft a sentence ago!!!!

Tella is like “you’re confused, the game is playing tricks on you”

Scarlett tells her about their grandmas history with legend 

She shows tella the invitation and it now says it’s to a party not a funeral

Chapter 36

Tella has met a boy that’s not legend...it’s a guy she met right before she got taken for the game…

She’s engaged to him??

Scarlett is like maybe tella is right and this is all part of it...Scarlett DUDE 

Scarlett has a bitter yellow puddle of dread in her stomach 

If Daniel is Dante or Julian I’m gonna scream 

Chapter 37

It’s legend of course 

Duh 

He tries to convince tella to tie Scarlett up you better NOT

TELLA

YOU DUMB BITCH

legend dares Scarlett to walk to the edge of the balcony to prove she loves her sister, so that he can feign worry to tella

They tie her up 

The governor and the count show up FUCK

finally legend admits to tella who he is and she just breaks poor baby 

Tella backs up to the ledge and says if the governor or the count touch Scarlett she’ll kill herself!!!!!!!

“Silver slippers sliding” toward the balcony 

Scarlett breaks free but tella FUCKING JUMPS

Chapter 38

So now who is Scarlett gonna use her wish on?!

Her father looks like “a dragon with no fire and broken wings”

The governor slaps Jovan and legend is like imma fuck you UP 

The governor killed Dante!!!!!!

She blackmails her dad with Philippe’s death 

She remembers her wish...but who does she use it on?! 

Which oof, oof, OOF

Tella is a brat lmao 

Legend won’t give her the wish!!!!!

He’s...fading?? 

Scarlett goes to give tella her blood 

She wishes her impossible wish but it doesn’t work

Chapter 39

She goes back up to get tella’s stuff and finds a caraval box with a letter inside from tella to legend that she didn’t know about 

Chapter 40

She goes to see legend and finds out he’s actually some dude named Caspar…that was why he couldn’t grant her wish 

There’s a stack of letter between tella and legend that basically illustrate that tella was willing to die for legend to get them to caraval 

Tella is alive?!?!?!?!?!?

This was all a fucking game?!

Her impossible wish came true, but she had actually died 

Tella orchestrated their dad getting to caraval so he could see her die, and so he would leave Scarlett alone 

Chapter 41

So Julian is not really dead, but tella wanted anyone who made Scarlett love them to be taken out, that way she wouldn’t get hurt by someone who was just pretending 

So she somehow warps this into meaning that Julian didn’t actually love her? Go...ask him??????? The fuck 

God poor Scarlett…

So people can die in caraval, but when the game is over, they come back...so there were no fuckin stakes except for tella’s death

Chapter 42

They go to legends party in the forest and Scarlett sees Julian 

Iko is there like go talk to Julian dumdum 

“Shades of the rich ruby love she’d felt mixed with deep indigo hurt turning everything just a little bit violet” I don’t care I want them to kiss Stephanie 

Julian is so hurt that she thinks she doesn’t know him

He’s related to legend…

Rosa dying changed his opinion of legend 

He tried to leave the game right before this caraval 

Legend is his brother!!!!!!!!!

He couldn’t leave Scarlett because she loved her sister like Julian loved his brother 

He stayed because of Scarlett despite how it hurt him to lie to her 

Yaaaaaay they kiss yay omg 

Epilogue

Tella is dancing drunk at the party and is dancing with a new guy who dances her to the edge of the party...then he’s gone?

He dropped something into her pocket...a coin with a note…

From legend!!!!!

You can see your mom soon if you keep up your end of the bargain!!!!!

[prohaus]

30+

A challenge that had been dead a long time ago 

and I don’t have a diverse playlist. But here we go!

1.      A song you like with a color in the title Black Balloons Reprise – Flying Lotus, Denzel Curry

My favourite performance from Curry and production from Lotus. “Life is the ugliest bitch I ever messed with But she quick to down that nut back like Nesquik”

2.      A song you like with a number in the title A Tale of 2 Citiez – J. Cole

“Anybody is a killer, all you gotta do is push 'em to the limits”. Now give me the watch.

3.      A song that reminds you of summertime Sangria Wine – Pharrell Williams, Camilla Cabello

Cmon, it’s Pharell. “Let's float around like the fruit at the top”

4.      A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about Somebody Else – VERITE

“I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone and leaving with somebody else”

5.      A song that needs to be played LOUD m.A.A.d city – Kendrick Lama, MC Eiht

“This is not a rap on how I'm slingin' crack or move cocaine”. YAWK YAWK YAWK YAWK

6.      A song that makes you want to dance Man Don’t Dance – Big Shaq

Dance, no. Rambling while also pointing my finger in the air, yes.

7.      A song to drive to Easy – Mac Ayres

Probably a bad idea, since im get lost in music a lot, one of the reasons why I got my first accident because I was freestyling while I was riding my bike.

“I can say that loving you is easy. I don't need to prove a single thing”

8.      A song about drugs or alcohol Swimming Pools – Kendrick Lamar

Well, there is a lot…

“I am your conscience, if you do not hear me. Then you will be history, Kendrick. I know that you're nauseous right now”

9.      A song that makes you happy Scars to Your Beautiful – Alessia Cara

“But there's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark. You should know you're beautiful just the way you are”

Me beautiful :3

10.  A song that makes you sad See You Again – Tyler, The Creator, Kali Uchis

“I can only see your face when I close my eyes. Can I get a kiss? And can you make it last forever?”

11.  A song that you never get tired of Wesley’s Theory – Kendrick Lamar

I never get tired of this opening track, it’s really cool for me. Hell, I never get tired playing this album (TPAB) from front to back no skip.

“At first, I did love you. But now I just wanna fuck. Late nights thinkin' of you. Until I get my nut”

12.  A song from your preteen years Dangdut Is The Music of My Country – Project Pop

The first record that I (with my parents) bought wkwk.

“Semua orang macam diciptakan. Cakep atau jelek semua punya perasaan”

13.  One of your favorite 70’s songs Hotel California – Eagles

“Welcome to the Hotel California. Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place). Such a lovely face”

14.  A song that you would be loved played at your wedding Off Deez – JID, J. Cole

“Get off my dick, get off my dick. 40 my hip, loadin' my clip. Cannabis, cannabis, roll up my spliff”

Just kidding, it’s probably:

Say My Name – NIKI

“Soon as we get into the room. I know just what you like, just what to do”

15.  A song that is a cover by another artist Take On Me – Weezer

Cmon it’s “take on me”.

16.  One of your favorite classical songs Ain’t That A Kick In The Head – Dean Martin

Thanks Fallout New Vegas.

“The room was completely black. I hugged her and she hugged back”

17.  A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke Funky Sundays - AdhesiveWombat

18.  A song from the year that you were born Changes – Tupac Shakur, Talent

A posthumous release by the classic legend.

“First ship 'em dope and let 'em deal to brothers. Give 'em guns, step back, watch 'em kill each other. "It's time to fight back," that's what Huey said. Two shots in the dark, now Huey's dead. I got love for my brother. But we can never go nowhere unless we share with each other”

19.  A song that makes you think about life Sing About Me, I’m Dying of Thirst – Kendrick Lamar

From the beats to the lyrics, it’s just beautiful. “Just promise me you'll tell this story when you make it big. And if I die before your album drop, I hope …”

20.  A song that has many meanings to you What Can We Do – Anderson .Paak, Nate Dogg

Probably one of the coolest production by Paak. But sure hell, this song makes me cry. Thanks Nate Dogg. “It's the rap singer, the hook master”

21.  A favorite song with a person’s name in the title CLOUT COBAIN – Denzel Curry

Another side of Mr. Curry. “I just wanna feel myself, you want me to kill myself. Man, I been on my own, Lord, I'ma need some help”

22.  A song that moves you forward Till I Collapse – Eminem, Nate Dogg

Since high school, this is my jam whenever I feel down, hell even when I was brokenhearted. “You bizzles forgot, Slizzle does not give a fuck”

23.  A song that you think everybody should listen to u – Kendrick Lamar

Just listen. No Skip.

“Loving you is complicated, loving you is complicated. I place blame on you still, place shame on you still. Feel like you ain't shit, feel like you don't feel”

24.  A song by a band you wish was still together So Fresh, So Clean – OutKast

This is not a band, but I hope they still make stuff together. “Those huge baby eyes, get to runnin' off at they mouth. And tellin' me everything that's on your nasty mind”

25.  A song by an artist no longer living 2009 – Mac Miller

…

“And sometimes, sometimes I wish I took a simpler route. Instead of havin' demons that's as big as my house, mhmm”

26.  A song that makes you want to fall in love Vintage – NIKI

My favourite from Ms. Zefanya. “Wait a minute, my head's a mess. Please don't tell me you like my dress. Why am I wishin' we were wearing less?”

27.  A song that breaks your heart Let Her Go -  6LACK

“It's a shame, how could I be runnin' games?. After all the trials, after everythin'. Wedding ring, I can change your last name. But I can't let 'em get my baby outta pain”

28.  A song by an artist with a voice that you love G.O.M.D – J. Cole (Live Version)

I am part of the people that overrate Mr. Cole…

“So every day I thank the man upstairs. That I ain't you and you ain't me. Get off my dick, whoa”

29.  A song that you remember from your childhood Not Afraid – Eminem

It’s one of the first hip-hop song that I know, and from that day I know Marshall is on of the G.O.A.T, despite this is not his best record.

“Forget the Earth, he's got the urge to pull his dick from the dirt. And fuck the whole universe”

30.  A song that reminds you of yourself RICKY – Denzel Curry

A song about family, that without their advice and support, I am nothing. “My daddy said, "Trust no man but your brothers. And never leave your day ones in the gutter". My daddy said, "Treat young girls like your mother". My mama said, "Trust no ho, use a rubber"

--------------

Nice nice, only 5 out of 30 are from K-Dot.

Here:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1UqXxXH4qWkgXc2KggPirv

[prettieparker86]

In The Bleak Midwinter || Part 7

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12 & Part 13

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warning: None

Gif Credit: @isophhia,  @sikanapanele,  @snugglebeaningrid @timothechallamet Thank you for allowing me to use your gifs!

Tag: @lainey-lane​, @pindlemouse, @thelastemzy, @helloandreabeth, @fandoms-broke-my-life, @taylxr0, @shelbysbushblog, @accio-witty-username, @iamtheonewhocares, @infinitelycharmed23, @kingsmanstories, @shelby-gin-limited, @taylxr0, @sympathyfortheblinderdevil, @neversleeping4am, @icebluegriffin  @johhnshelby If you left a message I tagged you. If you don’t want that just let me know. And If you want to be tagged in the future let me know.

Note: Things will be revealed in this chapter about Fiona that I had tried to hint to throughout. So hopefully they make sense and it’s not a boring twist.

Decided to post this as an early Mother’s Day gift to all myself and all the mother’s out there. You’re the ultimate heroes and badasses of the world. Never forge that!

You awaken to the sound of your name echoing in your head. Pounding as if it’s being slammed against the wall over and over again.

“Mummy, mummy, mummy,” They call. 

The pitch of their little voices is usually a sweet melody to your ears, but this morning it feels like it’s bouncing around in your head, slamming against the confines of your skull. 

Your eyes open begrudgingly and the morning light assaults your them on contact. You squint, rubbing at your eyes. 

Even the morning haze from the factory smoke and chimneys burning hot all night doesn’t dull the sun’s rays as they feel like their piercing through your pupil from the window.

“Mum we’re hungry.” Finn says as he sees your eyes open. 

Your gaze shifts to him and Charlie at your bedside. 

You force a smile to welcome them, even though it takes great effort this morning. 

The world slowly returns around you as you feel the blankets against your skin… your bare skin. As the sensation washes over you so does a sense of panic. 

Your gaze dropping down, relieved only by the sight that your completely covered beneath the blanket that rests high across your chest, tucked beneath your arms. You clutch the quilt tighter against your body as your gaze returns to your boys.

“Alright, I’m gettin’ up. Go on down stairs. I’ll be down in a moment to make yeah breakfast.” You tell them both, smiling at each of them warmly, running your thumb across their rounded cheeks briefly. 

Hoping they’re too young to wonder why you’re in Tommy’s bed this morning instead of your own.

And they don’t seem to as they nod quickly and dash for the door, racing each other to see who can make it out first, the sound of their scurrying feet pounding in your head.

Once they’re gone, you let your eyes fall closed, your head heavy against the pillow as the events of the night before resurfacing in your mind… Tommy… the washtub… You wince. 

Your forehead wrinkling as you press into your eyes with the realization Tommy’s still inside you, you didn’t even have the good sense to have him pull out. 

Your heart sinks with a heaviness that physically weighs on your chest like a brick wedged between your ribs. 

And the fact that you find yourself alone in his bed only makes it worse. It doesn’t take a fool to put the pieces together.

You were drunk, both of you, his brother had just died and he needed to lick his wounds. And like the whore so many thought you were after getting pregnant with Finn out of wedlock, you let him fuck his pain away in you. 

But perhaps the biggest joke is on you, because you weren’t just fuckin’ him. 

Not even with all the whiskey that leaves your head now pounding in the morning light. Having Tommy meant something different for you. Something that terrifies you even now to think about, because there’s no place for it. It doesn’t fit in the structure and chaos of this life.

You try to push all your worries aside as your gaze drifts down to the floor, trying to spot your dress. 

You find it crumpled in a pile where you left it last night before climbing in the tub. 

Glancing at the door one more time to make sure it’s shut, you pull the blanket back and slowly sit up, the cool air rushing against your bare skin. 

Head pounding, you rub briefly at your temples before forcing yourself to rise off the mattress. The floorboards creak beneath your bare feet as you move quickly for your clothes in case the children come back.

You snatch it up as you hear footsteps coming down the hall. Heart picking up its pace, you manage to slip your dress over your head, tugging it down the length of your body as a quick knock sounds on the door and the knob starts to turn.

“Tommy, Ada just got ‘ere-“ Finn says as he comes walking in. 

Your big eyes shoot his way, catching the same startled look in his as everything freezes mid-breath. 

Tommy’s youngest brother, tall and all limbs at this age but still has his baby face underneath his razor lined cap, you’ve seen Finn more than the others over the years, but never like this.

You watch his face turn several shades of red against the paleness of his skin as you clutch at the open buttons along the bosom of your dress, pulling them closed as you quickly turn away from him.

“Sorry Fiona, I didn’t-“ He starts to apologize, fumbling over his words like the awkward teenager he is.

But you’re both saved from the embarrassment blushing at your cheeks as Tommy suddenly appears. Pushing past Finn as he enters the room.

“Finn, get out. Ada brought biscuits, go downstairs, get somethin’ to eat and make sure the boys get somethin’ too. I’ll be down in a minute.” Tommy orders smoothly, far more calm than either you or Finn are as your fingers make quick work to fasten the top buttons of your dress.

Glancing over your shoulders, you watch Finn nod nervous, limbs fidgeting with unease before turning quickly for the door.

“And Finn-“ Tommy calls before he can leave.

“I know,” Finn says on a quick breath, interrupting Tommy before he can finish his sentence as he turns back. 

His big eyes meeting yours briefly before they fall on his big brother. “I won’ tell anyone I saw her in ‘ere.”

Tommy nods, sparking up a cigarette. His casual ease in stark contrast to the tension heavy between you and Finn in the room.

“Good boy. Now go to it before the others get ‘ere.” Tommy orders with a nod.

You hear the door click at your back and suddenly it’s just you and Tommy. You finish the buttons on your dress as you suck in a steady breath. 

You try to calm the sudden speed of your heart as it betrays you when the intoxicating smell of him filling your lungs. 

Tommy’s your friend, you try to remind yourself… Your family… who’s also your boss… and a notorious gangster. And worst of all… the man you’ve fallen for. Suddenly your head is spinning and you take a deep breath to try and bring yourself back to center - Focus. 

Turning to him, you try to gauge where Tommy is at after everything that happened last night.

Your eyes catch and your mind instantly fills with the memory of his hands running along your body, the look in his eyes as his skin moving against your own.

“How ‘re you feelin?” Tommy asks matter-of-factly as he pulls at the cigarette burning at his lips.

He’s distant, that’s what you sense as you stand beside him. Formal, like he hasn’t been with you since you first started working for him. 

The tone of his voice the same one he uses with Frances or when he makes a business call, and the sound of it sends you on guard now too.

“I’ve had better mornin’s. My head hurts a bit.” You admit honestly, keeping your heart at a distance, your tone equally reserved, because two could play this game. 

Your gaze drops from his as you speak, searching the floor for your damn knickers that seem to be nowhere in sight. You could have sworn you left them right next to your dress. 

Your eyes scour the floor, sweeping from edge to edge along the old wooden beams in futile frustration until you turn back his way and find them dangling off Tommy’s index finger as he takes another long pull from his cigarette. Cheeky smirk curling at the corner of his mouth in amusement as he waits for you to notice. 

Your eyes catch his, your cheeks burning with embarrassment as you quickly snatch them from him.

“Brew some tea and pour a little rum in it… it’ll help.” You hear Tommy instruct as you quickly slip your knickers up your bare legs, careful not to reveal yourself to him as you slip them under your dress. 

Fire begins to stir in your belly with his casual tone. He’ll nurse your hangover and tease you with your panties, but he won’t say a word about last night. 

You resist the urge to give him a piece of your mind then and there. But now isn’t the time, you need to gather your thoughts and his family is either already downstairs or on their way. 

You refuse to have anyone else find out what you’ve done to yourself.

Turning from him, you move for the mirror along the far wall, beside the fireplace, and start pulling your hair up, fishing pins from your dress pocket to push in your hair. 

Tommy’s voice picks up at your back, his steady stride following you across the room, shoes clipping on the old floorboards.

“Fiona…” Tommy starts on a long heavy breath and another pull from his cigarette before he tosses it into the fireplace.

“I’m not gonna lie to yeah ‘bout last night. I can keep yeah safe, but not if your too close. Too close an’ it puts you at risk. There’s people who’ll use you to get to me… So for now, it’s just best if we just keep things the way they are.”

Fastening the last pin to hold your hair in a loose bun, you bite down hard on your bottom lip to fight the tightening in your chest. 

There it is, you think – he does have the balls to bring it up, but it was just as you suspected in the morning light… you were a tool to ease his pain. 

Anger churns in your belly. Angry with yourself for loving him and angry at him for using it against you. 

If that’s how he wants it, you tell yourself… but Tommy doesn’t get the privilege of knowing he hurt you, made you feel used. You refuse to give him that.

Pushing down your feelings, you turn to him, looking him square in the eye.

“I understand. Just a fuck after a long day, eh Tom?” You say boldly, your words more crass than you’ve ever spoken to him before and you swear you hear his breath stop for a moment as he stares at you.

“…Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna brew that tea and make sure the children get fed before everyone arrives.” You finish strong, refusing to give him an inch.

Staring into his eyes, you suddenly need to get as far away from Thomas Shelby as possible as you move past him and head for the door before you say something you’ll regret. 

The brass knob turns in your tight grip and you manage to pull the door halfway open before Tommy pushes it shut, wedging his way between you and the door.

You refuse to look at him the way you know he expects you to, your eyes stay steady on the wood grain of the door waiting for him to move, until Tommy grabs your chin and forces you to look at him.

“You afraid of me?” He asks, his voice low and full of grit as his eyes pierce deep within you from so close up. 

His warm breath hits your lips in a way you wish wasn’t intoxicating, in a way you wish your body would stop fucking betraying you.

He’s trying to intimidate you, you know this, but it isn’t working. The question is ridiculous and you try not to roll your eyes with the absurdity of it as you answer him.

“No,” You say boldly, your eyes not flinching from his gaze.

Tommy looks you dead in the eye, pinching your chin a little tighter to make his point.

“You should be. I’m not a good man, Fiona.” He warns on a heavy breath.

His words are the final straw on the anger simmering through your veins as you pull away from his grip.

“Ah fuck off, Tommy. Jus’ fuck off.” You scoff, the first sparks of fire licking off your tongue, refusing to be played with. 

You know what he is, you knew from the start and you’re not gonna let him pretend like he’s sparing you out of mercy now so he can feel noble and good about how this ended out.

The fire on your tongue… you watch it make something shift in Tommy’s eyes as you call him out on his nonsense instead of playing into his hand. 

You watch something honest and real slowly surfaces in the endless pits of his blue eyes as you pull away. Something you recognize from last night as your bodies came together and all the times before when Tommy would let down his guard, and let you in.

His rough hand slips across your cheek to cup it even as you try to resist his touch. 

Your mind warns you to pull away, don’t fall in his trap, don’t let yourself be weak to him again. 

But your heart reaches out for the familiarity in his eyes, the trust you’ve built between each other, the truths you know about him. The side of himself he doesn’t let most people see.

“Alright listen,” Tommy starts again, his voice low and deep like a whisper meant only for you as his thumb strokes softly at your cheek.

“There’s some things I gotta do, Fee and I can’t be worrying about whether someone is gonna come after you in return for it when I do. No one gives a fuck about Charlie’s nanny, but if they know yeah mean somethin’ to me they could use you to hurt me, an’ I can’t have that. I thought I could keep people safe once, but after Grace and now John…” His words stop suddenly, you watch his throat bob hard in this throat. 

You watch as he battles with the pain in his eyes, trying to hold himself steady, composed.

“I need to know yer safe an’ right now that’s away from me, understand?”

You don’t know what to say as you nod numbly into his palm, stunned as you realize you had it all wrong. 

Last night meant more for him than you gave him credit. It meant something closer to what it meant for you and looking into his eyes, you can see you aren’t the only one with complicated feelings tangled up in this.

A sudden knock at the door breaks the gravity of the moment as Tommy’s hand instantly drops from your face and you take a quick step back from him, Finn’s voice filters in from behind the door. 

“Tommy everyone’s downstairs.”

“Be right down.” Tommy answers back before the trot of Finn’s feet echoes back down the old creaky hall.

“I’ll get the children.” You say, reaching for the knob once again. “Keep ‘em busy up here.”

But Tommy shakes his head, the movement catching your eyes.

“No, I want you at the table. I’ll have one of the boys watch the children.”

You stare at him slightly confused, eyes narrowing. You’ve never been part of the company. 

Tommy shared things with you, even sought out your advice on matters he needed to mull over, but it’s always been just the two of you. You’ve never been invited to an actual family meeting.

“I’m not family, Tommy.” You correct him as if he needs to be reminded.

A small smirk twitches at the corner of his mouth just for you as if he’s amused by the obviousness of your statement. 

He leans in close once again, looks you dead in the eye, with that look of certainty and command that few can match.

“You are to me.” He says without hesitation.

You follow Tommy into the parlor, just a step behind him, past the curtains that separate the family home from the business of the betting shop, just off the kitchen. 

His family and closest friends gathered round. They all eye you on arrival, some more briefly than others, but it’s the women, all knowing and curious that stare at you the hardest when Tommy motions for you to take a seat at the table.

Seated beside Ada, her dark eyes land heavy on you. There’s a knowing look twisting in her pupil as she looks you over before her gaze shifts to her brother. 

Your gaze drops as she looks to Tommy, but still you don’t miss the quiet huff of assumption that lifts off her chest.

Tommy stands at the head of the table, oblivious or unapologetic to the upset your presence brings. 

Standing tall, shoulders broad with an authority that breathes off him without question. Everyone’s seated or standing around, awaiting word of the storm that’s rolled into town, come with the sole purpose to blow them all away. 

Your eyes stay trained on Tommy as you sit beside Ada, Finn awkwardly standing at you back.

Tommy clears his throat, standing tall like the ring leader of this show, all his performers gathered around awaiting instruction of what’s to unfold. 

But as Tommy finally reveals what fury has been brought down upon them, words of revenge and Italians slipping calmly past his lips, your stomach begins to church with an old familiar sickness.

“Eye for an eye.” Tommy says as a shiver runs down your spine, because you know what’s coming next before the words ever leave his lips. “It’s called-“

“Vendetta,” You say it at the exact moment he does, but no one hears you. 

No one, but him. 

His sharp piercing blues land hard upon you, holding your eyes with an unreadable gaze as your stomach twists and ties until you feel like you might be ill in your seat, because you get the sense you know even better than Tommy what he’s up against.

Tommy carries on without missing a beat, his gaze pulling away from you as he lays out the plan. You watch Arthur pull a bullet from his waistcoat pocket with a name scrawled across it, before Polly cuts the tension thick air with a sarcastic mocking laugh that would normally put your sense on edge, but you hardly feel it as nerves race through your veins for an entirely different reason. 

A vote you have no reason to take part in unfolds, but you barely witness any of it. Your heart pounds out of control within the cage of your chest as your eyes never leave Tommy. 

Staring at him as if he’s a dead man walking…

Let’s get on with the war, Tommy convenes and everyone disperses while your lost in a fog. You follow their lead, rising from the table numbly. 

The pieces all finally falling into place. The man Tommy killed at the house, leaving in haste in the middle of the night, John murdered on his doorstep Christmas morning…

Glancing around the room you see everyone’s gone their own way, Ada sharing a quiet word with Lizzie and Polly in the corner, while Finn joins Isiah and Jeremiah by the fireplace, as Charlie and Curly move for the door. 

You look around unsure where you fit in all this, if you do at all.

You’re lost in your head until you feel someone lightly touch your arm, your eyes rise and focus to find Arthur standing before you, Linda at his side. 

He looks tired and broken, but a genuine smile subtly curves on his face. He’s openly gentle in a way Tommy has lost sight of.

“You’re a good woman. I can see that. He needs that.” He tells you, his voice deep with grit like Tommy’s, but quietly hopeful like a big brother who’s watched his little brother suffer for too long. 

You know what he’s implying and normally you’d correct him, but the fear surging in your heart leaves you too preoccupied to rally to the occasion. Especially since he isn’t entirely wrong.

You offer Arthur a small smile and Linda one in turn before she steps in front of him and directly in your eyeline.

“Save yourself and your boy a world a heartache and get away from all this.” Linda tells you, looking you square in the eye. Her gaze not flinching before she turns away, taking Arthur with her. 

And your Left with a world of troubles and no answers to find. Your feet idyll and move slowly toward the stairs just off the betting shop, with all the fear inside you, you find the sudden urge to check on the children. Make sure they’re alright.

“She’s right, yeah know.” A smooth voice calls from your back. Spinning around to come face to face with Polly, you hadn’t even heard her come up on you.

“Polly,” You practically sigh, pulling her into a tight hug, before you realize how overt your gesture is and slowly release the woman.

“You’re a sweet girl. You can still get out of this before Tommy makes you pay more than you can give.” She offers up words of wisdom, like a woman who knows all too well. Her haunting eyes, bewitched and reaching into you as if there’s nothing you can hide.

You believe her unquestionably, because for all the bad blood between her and Tommy, even you know that no one knows Tommy quite like Polly does. 

Your heart hammers harder with her warning. Your motherly instinct says to run. Take Finn and go. But where? Tommy’s generosity has given you enough to survive for a while, but not forever. This is your family, you have no one else. 

And leaving would require leaving Charlie. And you’re not sure you can do that. He may not be your blood, but you love him like he is. And the instinct inside you that wants to run to keep Finn safe, is the same instinct that won’t let you abandon Charlie either.

“I can’t leave him…” You hear your voice answer honestly. A truth so raw your mind didn’t even have time to taint it with all the formalities of proper conservation.

“Who?” Polly asks, her eyes pricking at you, searching deep within you. Magical like Tommy’s, but for an entirely different reason, from a different sort of power. 

“Charlie… or Tommy?”

Your chest tightens with the truth. You can’t leave him either and the look in Polly’s gaze tells you she already knows it. A sigh leaves your chest… 

“Both.”

Polly let’s off a low “Mmhmmm,” 

As she slowly shakes her head. “That’s what I thought.”

You feel a hand suddenly wrap around your arm. Catching you off guard, your face whips to the side to see Tommy standing beside you.

“I need to have a word with Ms. Hayes.” Tommy says, but he isn’t looking at you, rather his eyes meet and hold with Polly’s. 

Her eyes shift between you and Tommy, you can practically see the wheels turning in her mind before you watch the two of them square off for a brief moment, eyes meeting in a silent subtle power struggle, before Polly nods and Tommy leads you away. You’re not sure who won the fight or if it was just truth being revealed. 

Once out of sight of the others he drops your arm, but snatches your hand and quickly pulls you through the house, and out the back entrance, into the back alley.

Your back pushes lightly against the brick wall covering the back of the building as Tommy covers the front of you. 

His size and body heat envelope you with his proximity, a stark contrast to the cold bricks pinching at your back. His eyes hover over yours, piercing you with his unyielding gaze in a way that makes your heart pound harder by the second. 

Your breath hitches in your throat, unsure of what he’s doing or what he’ll do next until he speaks.

“What aren’t you tellin’ me?” Tommy questions you with suspicion, so close the warmth of his breath fans at the loose frayed hairs around your face, making them dance like a leaf in the wind.

With all the thoughts racing in your head, all the fear for him and the others, for your boys, you find yourself caught off guard by the vagueness of the question.

“What do yea mean?” You ask, suddenly unsure.

Tommy is a man with little patience when he thinks he’s being played with, a fact he’s quick to remind you of.

“What does a Irish catholic girl know about vendetta?” He whispers out, his breath low and swift. His eyes searching yours for answers your lips have yet to reveal.

You swallow hard, holding the chill of his gaze.

“I know it’s not a game, Tommy. They don’t stop. Not until they’ve taken everything an’ everyone you love.” You answer him honestly. 

You’re not an expert, you won’t pretend to be, but what you do know, spurs a fear heavy in your heart and sends the weight of his predicament slamming down around it with a new level of fear for him. 

You have no doubts about what Tommy is capable of, you know the notorious nature of his reputation, but this is trouble on another dimension.

You feel Tommy’s hands enclose around your face, forcing you to focus on only him. His eyes narrowing, calculating, and you can see he’s weighing every possible angle.

“How do yeah know this? What ‘er you hidin?” Tommy interrogates you with a jaw so sharp it could cut you like a knife. The patience on his breath wearing thin.

The shift his eyes, the lack of trust. Suddenly you understand. He’s been here before. Been betrayed by someone he held close. 

And with it you realize it’s finally time to come clean. With all of it. You had felt it in your gut sitting at that table, you always planned to tell him, when the time was right, but now you knew you had to.

“Finn isn’t named after his father. He’s named after one of my brothers.” You explain, trying to find the best place to start. The best way to explain this to him without upsetting him more than he already is.

Tommy looks at you, his breath still fanning against your face, his grip still steady on your cheeks, the only sign he heard you at all is the shift in his gaze, as his eyes turn with confusion, he doesn’t understand what you’re trying to say.

You take a deep breath and whisper the truth. “His father’s name was Anthony Vitali.”

You watch the weight of your answer slowly settle in across his face as his hand fall away from your face. 

Tommy eyes you with disbelief as he takes a step back, hardly believing what you just said. Quite the feat for a man rarely stunned.

Turning from you, you watch his head shake slowly from side to side as he tries to wrap his mind around what you’ve just revealed.  His fine shoes dig into the damp dirt and muck as he paces around the back alley he dragged you out to. The no man’s land that belongs to everyone and no one behind the row houses. 

You don’t say a word. You let him think it over, let it settle with him first, before he suddenly stops and turns back your way.

“Part of the Vitali family? Cousins of Sabini?” Tommy huffs in disbelief and disgust. 

You watch his temper rising in his cold eyes, tightening at his jaw as he quickly moves back to you once again.

“An’ what kind of a woman climbs in bed with a fuckin wop?” He sneers, his breath seething.

You’ve heard that word before, but never from him. And you get it, John was just gunned down by Italians, Grace was murdered by Italians, he has history with Sabini, but still…

There he is, that side of Tommy you haven’t seen since you first started working for him. The cold ruthless bastard who thinks he can say anything he wants to whoever he wants, and suddenly you want to lay into him hard across his face for thinking he can speak to you in such a way. 

But instead you remind yourself you don’t take grievance or judgement from him or any man as you charge toward him, heels sinking slightly in the mud.

Stopping directly in front of him, staring boldly back into his judgement filled eyes, you don’t back down.

“The kind that gets throw to streets for it and then climbs into bed with a gypsy.” You throw back at him unapologetically, your own chest heaving as your temper rises. Reminding Tommy there’s a name for what he is too.

You watch Tommy’s jaw flex as he searches your eyes, steadily blinking as he looks for something he has yet to find.

“Who are you?” Tommy suddenly asks. 

You knew it was coming. Knew this all wouldn’t add up for a man as clever as Thomas Shelby. He’s far too smart for that. 

How a supposed Irish girl from Birmingham would get tangled up with one of the most notorious Italian families in London, produce one of their bastards.

The air shifts around you, the coldness hanging in the subtle breeze chills your lungs as you hold your ground.

“No one.” You tell him unflinchingly, because you need him to understand who you were and who you are, are very different people. 

“I came to Birmingham to be no one.”

“Fiona” Tommy presses, his jaw tightening, unamused by your play on words.

Meeting his eyes, you let him have it. For all the hot blood boiling between you two in the moment, you remind yourself what you have is based on trust and it’s time he learns it all.

“My father was an accountant. He kept the books for crooked men back in London. He had no loyalties. Only greed. That’s how I met Finn’s father. Tony was the son of one of my dad’s clients. And when I came here I left all that behind like it had left me. I hid my past to protect me and Finn, and after a while, I just- I didn’t know how to tell you… That’s how I know what vendetta means.” You lay it all out there. 

Your past in all its bitter truths. A past you’ve been running from since they kicked you to the curb, alone and pregnant at seventeen. Coming here after your brother’s death for a clean slate, knowing you and Finn would only be used as pawns if people knew the truth.

“Fuckin hell, Fee” Tommy lets out on an exasperate breath, taking a step back from you.

“I had to protect Finn.” You tell him as he runs his hands heavily over his face, before his pointed gaze slams back onto you.

“Your father worked for business men in London and you didn’t think I needed to know that?”

“Businessmen.” You scoff, trying not to laugh. 

“My father worked for gangsters. Men like you. I wasn’t blind then an’ I ain’t blind now. My eyes are wide open, Tommy. I see you. I know what you are. I know what you do. An’ I didn’ say anythin’ cuz it’s not who I am anymore. I haven’t been that girl in a very long time.”  You throw back at him. 

Laying it all out there. Making it clear you see him just as clearly as he sees you now.  And neither of your hands are clean.

Suddenly Tommy’s closing in on you, driving you back. Your feet move back unconsciously with his charge until your back hits the brick wall, the edges stabbing into your flesh and you’re forced to stop, but Tommy keeps coming until he’s hovering over you, inches from your face.

“You playin’ games? You workin for both sides?” He hisses, his whisper deadly, and if you feared him, you’d be terrified right now, but you’re not. 

You know what’s in his heart, even now, Tommy would never hurt you. He isn’t that kind of man. He’s just scared. Scared that you’re a weapon in disguise, sent to be used against him

You stare up into his deep-set eyes, unflinching, barely blinking. “You think I’d betray you, Tommy?” You ask him honestly.

Tommy stares down at you, his face set like stone and just as unyielding as he searches your eyes. The air looms heavy around you, suspended between you and thick in your lungs. The moment feels like it lasts forever, every second longer and harder to bare than the last.

You can hardly breathe until you feel his thumb brush across the curve of your cheek, palm settling along your jaw.

“No,” He answers simply, honestly.

And in the moment, he’s back. You recognize those eyes so clearly as you stare back into them. 

The eyes that have kept you company on so many lonely nights or long walks at the manor. The eyes that pushed you over the edge, but never let you fall alone last night. 

This is the man that has stolen your heart, this is the man you love, whether you like it or not.

You reach for him too, running your hand along his as it rests at your face. Your eyes holding steady with his own. “I’d never betray you, Tommy…” You swear it. 

“Never.”

You can’t look away from Tommy as your breath slowly deepens. He’s so close to you now, you can feel the rhythm of his body against you, his every breath moving in time with your own. You feel like he can see everything inside you and you swear you feel like he’s revealed before you too in those dark endless eyes of his. 

The heat from your argument only adding fuel to create a different kind of fire between you. The dangerous kind. Warmth prickles on your skin as you watch his eyes dart to your mouth, you watch his tongue swipe across his lips as if he likes what he sees. 

His gaze returning to yours for confirmation before you feel his thumb drag slowly against your bottom lip. The pad of his thumb is seducing as your mouth parts in response. A hunger you’re rapidly becoming addicted to coils in your belly as you run your tongue across your bottom lip, the tip tracing along his thumb to give you a little taste of him. 

You hear something close to a groan rumble out of Tommy in response. You watch those beautiful blues turn a shade darker as your feel the heat coming back to life between you, rapidly reigniting, wild and untamed in a way that should alarm you both.

“Tommy?” You hear coming out the back as you shoot apart with only seconds to spare.

It’s Lizzie who appears at the backdoor, staring at you both for a moment before she speaks.

“Arthur’s looking for you.” She says.

“Right,” Tommy answers with a quick nod your way before he turns for the house as if nothing had happened.

You’re not sure if Lizzie is still standing there or follows Tommy inside as you push your back deeper against the brick wall. 

Letting your head fall back against it too as your eyes fall closed and a heavy sigh lifts off your chest with the realization… 

Keeping things the way they were before might not be as easy as either of you thought…

[lovebunnie]

Do all the asks coward

1. what does your wallet look like?

-i got it as a present from my uncle for christmas and its really expensive but also so ugly im sorry uncle tom. its like that ‘southern fashion’ bullshit that white MAGA moms wear. but it was better than my old wallet, which looks like this and i got when i was 12:

2. favorite color?

- baby pinnk

3. do you own a pride flag, or more than one?

-heres the thing: my parents basically know im not straight but i havent told them. my brother has thought i was a lesbian since freshman year, i have a small pride pin on my backpack, ive never been on a date, its complicated. but no, i dont have one. maybe one day, hopefully.

4. describe your favorite outfit

-black pants, platform doc martens, hoodie under a jean jacket, one clip on earring, and holding my crushes hand :]

5. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter, and what’d she do?

-okay so theres this girl in my theatre class who is really cute, and she put her head on my shoulder and shes pagan so she drew a little sigil on my arm that means “safe and homely” so like :)))))))))))))

6. do you use nail polish?

-i do, i mostly do black tho

7. do you keep organized?

-absolutely. i have things online filed accordingly, i pick out my outfits the day before, my binders are neat, i learned how to army fold my shirts, i keep my shit CLEAN

8. ever take naps?

-only accidentally. ill be laying in bed watching youtube and next thing you know my autoplay has me watching a markiplier video even tho i dont like him and its 4 hours later

9. who was your first crush?

-idk if this is a real person or not so ill do both. my first fake person crush was either troy from high school musical or frankie stein from monster high. and my first real crush was on a boy named dominic in elementary school. i told him i liked him at the end of 5th grade because i thought i was switching schools but then i didnt and we never spoke again.

10. what are your crush tendencies? fall hard or often?

-both both both. i am the worst with crushes. i have crushes all the time because im romantic and a fucking fool. i have 3 crushes off the top of my head rn and i like them all for different reasons. thats not to say that i want to date them, but its that i like them a lot and i kinda wanna kiss their cheek or hold their hand idk

11. describe your ideal day

-play overwatch with my best friend (u gonble >:) ) then hang out with my cat, go get a smoothie, buy some cool shoes or something, take a shower and be asleep by 9 :,)

12. describe your ideal date

-i have stated that build a bear is an amazing first date and im NOT BACKING DOWN. ITS CUTE AS FUCK AND ILL ACCEPT NOTHING LESS!!

13. whats your favorite food?

-either sushi or strawberries :3c

14. who do you feel most comfortable around?

-my theatre class, people from camp, and gobble

15. what is your favorite compliment to receive?

-i dont have a favorite, any and all are going to make my face go red so i have to cover it and maybe make me cry

16. did you/do you like highschool?

-the first 3 years fucking sucked but senior year has been amazing so far. mostly because i just kinda stopped giving a fuck but its amazing

17. favorite animal?

-i think its cats now. i really like cats

18. do you like your name?

-eh, its okay. its pretty but also it seems like there are 60 million fucking people named grace and its so annoying. i wish it was something more unique idk

19. what kind of weather is your favorite?

-a light rain. no swinging trees or thunder, just lots of rain. its nice to stay inside and feel secure

20. do you believe in horoscopes?

-absolutely not. but theyre fun if you like them

21. tell us about your music taste

-its horrific. to sum it up, my two favorite musicians are the gorillaz and frank sinatra. take from that what you will

22. have you had your first kiss? if so, what was it like?

-i havent had my first kiss yet. gonna be honest, i felt like i was going to, a few times at camp and recently when classes ended. but yeah, nothing yet

23. did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid?

-i went thro cycles of favorites. but one ive had for years is a plush shadow the hedgehog from universal studios i got when i was 6. i used to carry him around, even to a pool once

24. what time do you usually wake up and go to bed?

-if you know me, you know i go to bed ridiculously early. i usually get tried at around 6pm and fall asleep between 7:45 and 8:30. and i always wake up before 6 am. i havent slept past 6 am continuously since the end of junior year. please help me

25. what dream trip would you take with your wife?

-maybe to go explore new york, just the two of us that sounds like fun :]

26. do you have any pets?

-i have 2 dogs and a cat. the family owns the dogs but that cat is mine

27. what pair of underwear is your favorite?

-uhhhhhhhhhhh i have some with rainbows that are cool? i dont have favorites, none of them are cute anyway

28. what makes you smile?

-funny jokes make me smile real hard, and if you compliment me at the right time, i kind of pull my legs up and hide my face? its cute and charming i promise

29. what makes you feel heavy?

-in both the physical and metaphorical sense, eating bread

30. what makes you feel better?

-watching bo burnham always makes me feel better, hes my go to whenever im really depressed

31. how do you show your love?

-i show my love in everything i do. everything i do is for love, i love love so much its sickening

32. when is it time to get a haircut?

-whenever u want to lol?

33. where would you live if you could live anywhere?

-maybe san francisco, its beautiful and i love the city

34. do your friends and family take good care of you?

-as much as i allow them to. sometimes i go days without communicating and i know thats annoying but my friends put up with it (they shouldnt have to, i know) and my family is okay. its cliche to say, but they honestly dont understand what im going thro alot of the times, esp with my anxiety and shit

35. have you always used the labels you use now?

-back in the beginning of highschool, i used they/them pronouns and identified as asexual/aromantic. eventually, it didnt feel right, so i know identify as cis and bisexual and that feels right to me

36. what makes you laugh?

-my friends, when people shit talk gobble and i in overwatch even tho???? we didnt know him?????? and the mcelroys always get me

37. who is your favorite fictional character?

-too many options, see list here

38. who do yo admire?

-my father when hes not threatening to throw my phone into a fucking lake and my friends for putting up with me

39. describe yourself in three words

-i am baby

40. how long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 

-usually about 45 min, more or less as each day goes

41. what do you wish you could tell your younger self?

-listen: STOP GIVING A FUCK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN, BE YOURSELF. STOP HIDING AND BEING SCARED OF YOURSELF, BE GENUINE!!!!

42. what would you do if you win the lottery?

-get my parents settled, see about other family members, and then distribute the money to charities accordingly, starting with flint and getting them water

43. would you call yourself a romantic?

-yes

44. what is your gayest childhood memory?

-my mom had cosmos magazines

45. do you have tattoos or want any?

-i dont have any tattoos but ive been obsessed with them since the 6th grade. id love to get tattoos, i just dont know what or where and also im afraid of pain

46. whats your worst habit?

-either biting my thumbs, starving myself, or ghosting my friends. prob ghosting my friends

47. what are you proud of?

-i guess coming out of my shell finally? idk, i actually have friends now and it feels amazing tbh. im in 5 group chats now. i havent been in a group chat since 6th grade. :))))))

48. did you know that youre actually a gift to the world, for real?

-hi i love you?

49. whats your favorite memory?

-there are so so many. but what comes to mind first is our dance night at camp where we all stood outside and i finally gave ian my tumblr and we all ran inside to dance to mr. brightside then ran outside again and we requested nightcore and rivers was fucking dancing their hearts out and we all sang along and im going to crying just typing this out

50. do you have a sweet tooth?

-i guess so. too much makes me feel like shit but i do really enjoy smarties

51. what do you like most about yourself?

-this is dumb, but my sense of style. since i got a job ive been wearing shit i actually like and its amazing. ill admit i have cool clothes

52. what makes you fall for a girl?

-besides acknowledging me, probably getting to know me and not like, putting me on a pedestal. idk its weird, ive met a lot of people this year who like to place me so high it feels like i cant make a mistake around them without disappointing them. idk, i want someone to call me out on my bullshit instead of assuring me im okay. i want to know what i do wrong so i can fix it

53. make a recommendation

-for what? uhh okay for music, listen to ‘clay pigeons’ by michael cera (yes i know michael cera) and for television, watch bojack horseman and for movies, watch the docuseries called ‘7 days out’ on netflix

54. have you ever had your heart broken?

-yeah, when i broke up with maddy because we werent ready to date. i cared and continue to care about her and i didnt want to hurt her but i knew its what we both needed. its what i needed, atleast. and i cant be a good girlfriend if i feel like im doing badly. but also ive had friends break my heart and family break my heart. but im okay now, this heart is ready to be broken again

55. when do you feel most yourself?

-def when i was at camp, that place is magical in the way it allows you to be yourself. but also when i talk to gobble because hes my best friend and when im at college, we can talk more and its gonna be dope as shit

56. name a gorgeous celeb

-jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal jake gyllenhaal 

57. what are some of your favorite songs this week?

-fake happy by paramore, im not okay (i promise) by my chemical romance, tomorrow comes today by gorillaz

58. tell us 2 or your biggest hopes and fears

-biggest hopes: i publish a book someday & i get a job doing something i love

-biggest fears: i end up homeless and broke & something horrific happens in college

59. what flavor chapstick/lipbalm is the best?

-raspberry i guess

60. are you okay?

-i answered a lot more honestly then i shouldve for some of these and i start new classes tomorrow so im feeling really anxious so im doing alright i guess.

gobble you test me but i do love you

[saleintothe90s]

380. Great Starts: the first Saturday Night Live episode of 1980 (1/26/1980)

Obviously, I can’t cover the very first episode of Saturday Night Live from 1975, because that would be breaking all the rules of this blog. But, buuut, I can cover the very first SNL of the 1980s. (this was the only place I could quickly find the episode, if that link is down, try one of these, sorry) It aired on January 26, 1980, and the host was Teri Garr and the musical guests was the B-52s! Transcripts are from this amazing page. 

Oh noes, Don Pardo tells us that SNL be delayed so it can present continuing nightly coverage, what could it be? 

Oh right. Paul McCartney stupidly brought Pot into Japan. He got in mad trouble for it, spent 10 days in a lock up. 

Bill’s on it. 

Day 1, January 14th, 1980: Paul McCartney’s luggage is inspected by Customs agents at the Tokyo Airport. It is discovered that he is carrying 7.7 ounces of marijuana. Paul is arrested and taken to a drug treatment center, then transferred to a cell in a Tokyo prison.

Day 2: All music composed by Paul McCartney is BANNED throughout Japan.

Day 4: Linda — Paul’s wife — is allowed her first visit, and the world learns that Paul, while mildly depressed, in still in good health.

Day 5: Paul reads a public statement, praising his captors and regretting his use of marijuana. Linda says: “It doesn’t sound like him. I think he’s trying to tell us something.”

Day 6: The crisis grows more serious, as ALL rock journalists are given 24 hours to get out of Japan.

Day 8: As tensions grow, a 23-year old woman is hanged in a public square in Kobi, for whistling “Michelle”.

Day 9: Kurt Waldheim travels to Japan and is granted a 15-minute visit with McCartney. He says Paul is as well as can be expected under the circumstances.

Which brings us to Day 10. Jane? 

Wuh-oh. Turns out that Guido Sarducci wanted to get an exclusive interview with Paul while he was in jail so he traveled to Japan with pot too. Except...he’s not Paul. No tariffs. 

It’s funny to see him out of his signature costume during the opening credits. Speaking of, this was the season where everybody kinda looked like watercolors with too much rouge: 

Also, there were a ton of featured players that season. Of course you had your Al Franken and Tom Davis, but then you also had Dan Aykroyd and Bill Murray’s brothers? Even baby Harry Shearer from The Simpsons. 

Terri didn’t even do a monologue, she just told us how excited she was to be there and kinda wiggled her butt a little. 

How did I forget that it early in the election year. All the candidates have come over to this lady’s house in Iowa (played by Terri) to help her with the housework while she knits: 

Teddy said he’d take Gilda’s math test. That got a big laugh. Also, people in the audience tried to “Kramer” Gilda, by whooping when she made an entrance. That stopped quick though. 

[ dissolve to exterior of house, with irised footage of each candidate ]

Announcer: George Bush: Suffered a massive hernia while helping a New Hampshire farmer remove a tree stump from his property.

Senator Edward Kennedy: Withdrew from the race after humiliating defeat in the Massachusetts Primary.

John Connally: Forced out of the race after his indictment on two counts of first degree murder.

Senator Howard Baker: Found in a motel room during the Wisconsin Primary with Congressman Crane.

Ronald Reagan: Forced to withdraw from the race for lying about his age. He was 94.

Jimmy Carter: Re-nominated by acclimation, but lost the General Election, due to Soviet takeover of Afghanistan, Yugoslavia, France and Scotland.

John B. Anderson: Elected 40th President of the United States.

[ image opens up to reveal Anderson seated among the audience in the balcony, as the camera zooms out]

We got some preppy girls in prison. 

Even down to the monograms. 

They had to bribe Garrett Morris for the newest issue of Town and Country. 

haha, Bitsy’s stepmom is Gloria Vanderbilt. “She designs BLUE JEANS!” says her dad. Laraine’s earring falls off when she’s modeling her jeans. 

Terri’s sweater belongs in the 1980s SNL Fashion show entry I did years ago. 

I’m mad as spit that I can’t find the clip of the B-52′s singing Rock Lobster on SNL. They’re all wiped off of YouTube and DailyMotion. Check out Fred Schneider’s pencil mustache! 

“A french cargo tanker carrying 300,000 gallons of mineral water broke up off the coast of Massachusetts in the world’s first major Perrier spill. Already thousands of fish have been belched up on the beach, and the Coast Guard worked late into the night squeezing tons of limes onto the area.”

Girl you know I love me a bottled water joke. 

“While in Salem, Massachusetts, comedian Gabe Kaplan ran into some unexpected trouble when a witches’ curse turned him into a fire plug!” 

...Jane’s wig. 

You know that set STUNK. Coffee, cigarettes, and anchovies? (ok, i know the mugs are probably empty, but imagine the smell)

“Anchovies! You Devil!” 

...now I want thin crust anchovy pizza...

and this happened.

When you’re out of bosco syrup and you run a studio. 

As some know, my favorite Daily Show correspondent, Vance DeGeneres was the original Mr. Hands in the Mr. Bill sketches. I don’t believe this is him in this short, however. (research intensifies) 

Nope, that’s not Vance’s hands. 

“This is John Anderson, now you know who he looks like!” 

Related:

WickerBreaker’s summary on the episode

SNL a Day’s summary on the episode

216. “President refuses to attend debate” (September 11, 1980)

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[bambyeol]

This Band (p.1)

B.A.M SEQUEL

pairing/s: band! park jihoon x oc ; band! bae jinyoung x oc ; doctor! hwang minhyun x oc 

character/s: park jihoon, park woojin, bae jinyoung, ong seongwoo, kim jaehwan, ha sungwoon, lai guanlin, kang daniel, yoon jisung, hwang minhyun

genre: angst, fluff, music (band) 

summary: never date your band mate. 

warning : a sequel so I’d appreciate it if you’ll read B.A.M first. though you can always live dangerously and read this immediately. 

This Band (p.2) This Band (p.3) This Band (p.4) This Band (p.5) This Band (p.6)  This Band (p.7) This Band (p.8) This Band (p.9)  This Band (p.10)  This Band (p.11)   This Band (p.12)  This Band (p.13) This Band (p.14) This Band (p15) This Band (final)

B.A.M p1 // B.A.M p2 // B.A.M p3 // B.A.M final 

wanna one masterlist

song inspiration : Saved by Khalid 

“But I'll keep your number saved 'Cause I hope one day you'll get the sense to call me “ 

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome aboard flight 3B7 en route to Seoul, Korea. Kindly fasten your seatbelt and secure all baggage underneath….” the standard announcement played out. She rested onto her seat and stared at the distant city lights as the plane took off.

Five years.

That was how long she was gone, and that period of time was more than enough for many things to change - for herself and for others.

“Ah. We’re finally going home.” Seulla spoke up while wrapping a blanket around her chest, reclining her seat in childlike amusement.   

“Oh, right. Jinyoungie told me that since you’re coming back they’re thinking whether you guys should have a reunion. You know, like the old days in the band?” she relayed her boyfriend’s message.

“Seulla. You know to yourself that it will not be anything like the old days.” Riseul replied, a scowl forming on her face. Before Seulla could even reply, she closed her eyes, an action that meant that the topic was over.

A reunion was the last thing she’ll ever want between them.

In the busy city of Seoul, tens of screens were plastered on buildings, displaying a man around his 20’s shining brightly onstage. A smile so captivating it stopped anyone from their tracks. His brown hair slicked back, sweat dripping down his face. He winked and left a random passerby squealing on the sidewalk.

But she couldn’t care less as she plugged the earphones to her phone and maxed the volume as she walked away from the lined screens that broadcasted the same performance.

It was a successful comeback with him as the center, and it frustrated her how he had the ability to haunt her without even meaning to do so.

The years may have murked the memories, but the feelings remained for her, and it still leaves a bitter aftertaste on her mouth whenever she was reminded.

It was too good to be true anyways. Their relationship that is. Everything seemed like a fairytale except they didn’t live happily ever after. Instead, her 12 midnight struck before she even realized it.

Often, she would wonder if she just fabricated their whole relationship. Time was blurring it all away too, but at times like these when she hears his voice sing another song and catch a glimpse of him on the television, she is reminded that it did happen.

Bae Riseul dated Park Jihoon, her ex-bandmate and currently one of the most popular idols in the industry.

But really, she didn’t have any energy left to waste on the old times. Not now nor ever. Besides, they lived on two different worlds. He was too popular for her own good. An idol and a doctor? It was destined for failure. They’ll never be able to meet given how grueling their jobs were.

You’re still considering it.

A small voice whispered on her head.

Her face sourly crumpled when she caught herself immersed in thoughts of him yet again.  It was long over. Reminiscing wouldn’t change a thing.

It was 5 years ago.

No use in crying over spilled milk.

So she returned to her apartment, brewed herself hot tea, changed to the most comfortable set of pajamas she had, played the most soothing music on her phone, unplugged the tv (just in case she forgot that Jihoon would be in any channel), and closed her eyes.

Tomorrow, she’d spend her day-off and have her long-awaited reunion with B.A.M.  

Park Jihoon wore a black beanie, a black face mask that engulfed over three-quarters of his face. He made sure to wear the largest sweater in his wardrobe to hide his built. He chose to dress up nice and plain for once to deviate from his fashion disaster self.

It’s been over 2 years since he’s last seen them, his former band. Frankly, he missed them dearly. Nostalgia always hit him, and he’d be immediately reminded of their high school days. Jinyoung playing the keyboard, Woojin playing the bass, Seongwoo with the drums, and Jaehwan with his singing.

He missed the run-down Underground, and all the events that happened within its walls.

He misses her the most.

He texted his manager upon his arrival and began scrolling through hundreds of notifications. Jihoon didn’t notice his path until he collided with someone, causing his phone to bounce off.

“Ah, I’m sorry..” He instinctively bent down and stretched his hand towards the direction of his phone, but before he managed to, a woman of significantly smaller built picked up his phone. She held it briefly to check whether there were any cracks before handing it to him with a small smile.

“No worries. Your phone’s fine, by the way,” her tone polite, and her voice warm. She craned her neck to meet his eyes.

And it was as if the heavens have heard his musings that she was right there and then.

Five years have passed.

Many things changed like how her hair was longer, or how she stood with certainty and maturity.

Yet, some things remain.

He is still captivated by her.

But before he could even call out for her name over something that she dropped, she turned around to walk towards the long queue of people lined up near the entrance of the stadium.

She was still the first to turn her back.

But this time around, he will chase after her.

After all, Park Jihoon had a lot to explain to Bae Riseul even if he didn’t know where to start.

For now, it started with a lost ticket.

The ticket was missing. Riseul realized when she took out all the contents of her bag for the 10th time. She flapped open her wallet, removed the case of her phone, felt her pockets, and asked around, but no one knew.

Worse, the tickets long sold out.

She groaned in annoyance as the place was beginning to be packed with more people, and the sky slowly dimmed.

How could she have been so stupid to drop the ticket?

"Excuse me!" someone rushed after her and grabbed her arm. She turned around and saw a towering man. He looked very shady with his face mask and black beanie. She must have forgotten to mask her glare that the man retreated immediately and raised his hands defensively.

“I think this is yours..” he held what looked like a ticket, and her eyes widened. Her hands covered her gaping mouth and she bowed several times, and jumped in glee though modestly.  

“I can’t believe this. I thought I’d never find it!” she shouted amongst the horde of people walking and chattering. “Ah. Thank you so much. You saved me.”

“No worries. You dropped it when you picked up my phone after all.”  He replied.

“Can I line up with you instead? The line’s pretty long already and it would be hard to get a nice view in the back..” He requested, and she laughed at his honesty.  

“Sure. After all, you ran after me and I even mistook you. Apology accepted?” she asked and offered a handshake.

His eyes crinkled and Riseul assumed that it was him smiling, “Apology accepted.”

He reminded her of someone.

It felt strange to watch the band as a member of the audience. New songs and new faces. They all moved forward, and reached for greater heights. One that they never dared to imagine before.

What started as a band of the Underground was now the most famous band in Korea. And now, they were beginning to take the international stage by storm.

“Bul ane maeum (B.A.M)! Bul ane maeum! Go with a B.A.M!” everybody chanted.

The first time she came across them was when she was 19 years old, and she grew with them for 2 years as Jaehwan’s partner vocalist.

In those two years, she noticed a lot about the habits of each member that they still haven’t let go of.

Seongwoo still likes to flaunt his angular jaw by rotating his head to the side and twirl his drumsticks before proceeding to his solos.

Jinyoung still bobs his head to the beat and plays arpeggios whenever the cameraman focuses on him.

Woojin still thinks it’s cool to do a guitar jump, and Jaehwan still exaggerates his soulful look by closing his eyes and pairs it with slight head shake as he clutches to the mic whenever he sings mellow songs.

The speakers blasted their performance throughout the concert hall and the large screens projected the band for the people in the back. Everyone raved by swaying their light stick to the beat of the song.

Woojin noticed her near the front of the stage, and nodded to her, pleased with her attendance.

“Hey. Jinyoung heard from Seulla that you’re returning to Korea next week already?” Woojin greeted as she answered her phone while folding her clothes.

Riseul clips on her earphones,  “Yeah. The scholarship is over, and we’ve decided to continue our residency there.”

“Then schedule a day-off on September. B.A.M’s having a concert. I got you a VIP ticket.” Woojin replies with an air of demand. She wasn’t allowed to say no.

“I don’t think I should even…” she pauses with reluctance to continue her words. “I left the band after all.”

“You didn’t leave the band. You just graduated from it because of reasons that we all accept.  Now, don’t be so stubborn and just say you missed us too. We missed you, by the way. It’s not fun to have an all-guy band. Everyone stinks.” Woojin laughs and Riseul heard from the background Jaehwan’s shrill voice scolding Woojin. “That’s Riseul right? Oh, God. Take back what you said, you ape. You stink the most! You fart during practice!”

“We miss you, Riseul. Remember, September!” Seongwoo’s cool voice was on the phone, and Riseul could imagine how he casually snatched the phone from Woojin and pushed him away with his arms.

“Oops. We’re going back to practice now. See you soon, Ri.” Woojin’s raspy voice bade goodbye without any change to his attitude from when they first became close.

“I miss you all too,” she laughed and immediately realized her defeat as Woojin and the other howled. “Oh God, you had that on speaker didn’t you?”

“Can’t say for sure~” Woojin replied teasingly before cutting off the line.

It has been over an hour since the concert started, and everyone in the band was sweating profusely with the heat from the spotlight, the singing, and the intense playing of their instruments. The first set was almost over before they slipped into a small break.

Suddenly the stage lights dimmed down, and Jaehwan cleared his throat.

“Everyone knows that at each concert, B.A.M performs a song not listed within the setlist. This one’s an old song composed by our former member.  Title is ‘Letting Go’ “

Woojin strummed his bass and there was the familiar rising harmonization.

It would be a lie if she told herself that she didn’t want to perform with them again like the old days.

“Only Jihoon and I are missing,” she tugged the sleeves of the person beside her unable to catch herself before the words flowed out of her mouth.

The two jolted and stepped back for their own reasons.

Hearing herself utter his name rattled her.

Hearing his own name from her lips rattled him.  

“Ah. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what I was saying,” she retreated her hands away from him. He nodded understandingly trying to brush everything off until someone grazed her lightstick on his beanie, flicking it away and unstrapped the right part of his face mask from his ear.

The young girl immediately noticed what she had done and turned to apologize. “It’s okay.” Jihoon tried to stop her, but as the lightstick illuminated his face, with the face mask half-dangling because it got removed from his right ear, and his brown hair shining, it was only a matter of time.

Then there was recognition in her eyes.

“Aren’t you Park Jihoon?!” she exclaimed and her voice echoed down the concert hall because the song the band was performing was mellow and accompanied by silence from the crowd.

People turned around. Jihoon tried to pick up his beanie and salvage it, but even before he was able to reach it, people came forward, swooping their phones, and turning on their cameras.

He tried to find Riseul in the crowd and saw her being pushed towards the back as she stood there dazed as she stared at his face. He clicked his tongue in annoyance, and removed his face mask to mouth off something as he looked at her intently.

“The ticket! Look at the back of ticket,” he mouthed silently hoping Riseul would catch it.

“Phone number… Your ticket… at the back!,” he mouthed again, as he kept being jostled by the crowd. The noise kept attracting more people.

The commotion pushed the security to temporarily stop the concert, keeping them from finishing the song..

She stared at him, and at her hand before flipping the ticket. It was his phone number.

She looked at the ticket, then to him and back to the little piece of paper where he wrote his number. He smiled with relief finally turning to his fans and mumbled apologies.

When he noticed that she stood at the same spot, he looked at her again.

Their eyes locked, and he recognized anger from her narrowed lips and drawn down eyebrows..

She raised her palm holding the ticket before crumpling it and ripping it into small pieces never breaking contact from his eyes.  

notes: the title’s a play on the pronunciation of the dreaded “D” word. Also, because people will kill me if I did use that as the title.

This will be the longest post ever for this fic. I just needed to establish until that part or else the pacing would be awkward. It’s been awhile, but I’m glad to be back. 

Hope you continue supporting me ~