#and making that sound hurts my throat.
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in one month my friend got a proper job, her dream flat, and a boyfriend all i got was tonsillitis 👍
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#i actually enjoy the imagery of this domain....#like the meat sounds are awful and jared hopworths voice makes my throat hurt. but.#a garden. picturesque. full of blossoms#and elegant curling... plants? oh wait. that used to be a person#tma#tma s5#jared hopworth#tma podcast#fennel listens to the tma#mag 171#yeah.
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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#personal#between having to make an emergency visit to my specalist#one of my coworkers up and leaving for an impromptu trip#one of the doctors trying to pressure me into working on a day off i took for another specialist appointment#suddenly becoming allergic to an antibiotic i've taken before#stressing myself the fuck out because i thought i was gonna have to get a biopsy#and now having the worst body cramps#i'm so fucking done with this week already lmao#i've been trying to rest but i can't because it's just one thing after another after another and it's like !!!#i'm so itchy! and my throat fucking hurts!#the pharmacist looked at me like “oh my god it was that bad?”#yikesssss#any e way#aha... the prowl yes 1k words lets go#also please just ignore this i just need to get my feelings out#(i am in... so much pain)#and i've had to go through all of this alone because my partner is out of town for a work trip#also sorry if this sounds rude but please don't send stuff about your own woes in my inbox after this post laksdjf#i know misery likes company and all but i'm just rambling here i don't have the braincells to get notifs for that rn
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my sister is an actual singer like she’s taken classes and whatnot and I’m surprised every time when I come over to her and am like hey how. do I make my voice not sound like it’s coming out a tube when I belt higher. and she’s like Visualise Your Waist and it works
#kipspeak#witchcraft? imagining the sound coming from your guts makes your throat not hurt. Or hurt way less#anyways I’m still… a little too much of an alto to nail the highest notes in give it all#but I can TRY#let me do the chorus an octave lower it’ll sound um worse but I don’t sound like I’m straining slightly. bc I am. HDJFBKS#i also think it’s really funny that my habit of doing funny voices makes me a PRETTY DECENT honey b lovely singing voice impersonator#it’s a cutesy vtuber voice. I can do that#beetuber#IM N- hold on clarification. I can’t power ballad that high. The actual highest my range goes is that sharlayan part in footfalls#but she’s singing with her head voice. and not about to turn super saiyan#my sister also says if I’m gonna do that more than a few times I need to warm up. I believe her it’s not hard to scratch up your throat
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wanted to redraw their 7th anniversary homescreen before the next anni comes along o7
#duck scribbles#midori takamine#yuzuru fushimi#enstars#only now i noticed that their little accompanying logos r the mascot doodle in midori's autograph and a pen for yuzuru bc he likes drawing#thats fecking adorable what the heck#ensemble stars#midoyuzu#yuzumido#i dont play jp so i dont actually get to see it when playing myself but. it means everything to me#also you should totally zoom in to see random details i added. or not. up to you#this is actually a cropped ver the full thing is for a new phone wallpaper for myself whkjdsjkghkjdsg#i wouldve finished this yesterday if i didnt catch an absolutely horrid fever in the middle of my studio shift!!!#but rly this is the first time in a long while ive enjoyed working on smth so much its nice to be back into the swing of things#even if its a bit slow im!!! gonna like art again i hope#man my throat hurts and everythings cold and i think my head is getting warm again oops#feeling feverish on top of shark week Really sucks dang it#oh and another thing doing this has me considering making a mdyz zine sometime#just like. for myself maybe idk but it sounds like itd be somewhat fun#i already look through their tags on three different sites this one included on a regular basis only to see the same things most of the time#so why not!!!! new passion project why the hell not#highly doubt anyone would be particularly interested in that though LOL
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⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆
#today i thought about this a lot because#it was a veryyyy bad day noise wise#it goes up and down even if im generally easily disturbed by noise#but sometimes i feel more ok with it and can cope somewhat#but some days it is just extra bad and it is physically painful and im constantly stressed#today was one of those days where i almost just broke down and started screaming and crying#i managed not to. but god my upper body hurts a lot bc i get so tense and i cannot relax#all the CONSTANT noise is so painful lol#so yes i thought about it a lot today bc i was doing bad and i realized.. even if i already know#how like.. amazing it is that i can feel such a way .. and that in this existence a safe space for me does exist#his voice just does smth to me on metaphysical (is that the word?) and undescribable levels. it just /reaches/ me#it's so cool that i have physical reactions to just hearing the sound of his voice? i feel my heartbeat slow and my body relaxes and im like#idk how to explain but i feel soothed to my bones and my soul feels cradled. it's like his voice just erases everything else#i just think that is so amazing? like how can that be? how can i experience all of this inside of my existence?#im just in awe of how that can work. how this person's voice has such effects on my being. how it makes my hyper stressed body just feel#okay and calm and soft when i exist in the space of hearing his voice..#maybe i sound crazy :$ .. but thats just how i feel. like today when i was on a walk..#and omg it was noise overload it was crazy i felt my entire neck and throat and shoulders hurt so bad and i wanted to scream and rip my#hair out. i just kept imagining his voice and wanting to just be in that space and soothed state my body enters his voice alone puts me in#im not sure if thats weird or bad of me.. :c but thats just what happens!!! and selfishly i crave it!! i'd never be demanding or forceful#i have more than i couldve ever dreamed or asked for. i can listen and breathe and be ok. and i can imagine his voice too..#soft fluffy cloud that envelopes me.. maybe i *am* crazy or too intense but its just the truth#and ig what im trying to say it is that im infinitely thankful & grateful for this. that i can have felt this. & know it exists like wow??
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SHHH SH HEYYY HEY DONT TELL ANYONE BUT... ive been workin on smth since BITB came out..... itsa lil musical animatic involvin kian and becky.... ITS NO WHERE NEAR DONE YET but loooook look im puttin lil screenshots under the cut. its supposed to go along with Am I In Heaven? by King Gizzard n the Lizard Wizard. infact yknow what cmere come sit with be bc ALOT of songs from the 'IM IN YOUR MIND FUZZ' album makes me think about becky and kian. oh my god. those two make me so damn emotional.
like Her and I was the first one to rly resonate with me, and EMPTY was another good one, all just stuff about. yknow LOVE!! doomed by the narrative yet burning SO SO brightly in its last moments, holding hands, playing music, THEY WERE SO IN LOVE WITH YOU THAT THE COPY OF THEM LOVED YOU, AND YOUR COPY LOVES THEM TOO. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL, CRUMBLING, BURNING, HISSING, SQUIRMING, MELTING, CLICKING LOVE STORY..
GET OVER HERE N SCREAM WITH MEEE I LOVE SCREAMING ABOUT THINGS
#THIS IS A DRAFT that i made like. months ago. woopsie.#BUT IM CHIPPING AWAY AT IT AGAIN. IT CANT STAY UNFINISHED FOREVER. ONE DAY YOU WILL ALL SEE! YOULL ALL SSSEEEE!!!!!!!#no reblogs either this stays between US!!!!!!!!!!#and if you guys like it enough i might post an old fuckin wip i have all packaged together on youtube. its a VIDEO it goes w the MUSIC!!#SOUND WITH THE MOVING IMAGE?? IVE ONLY EVER DONE IT ONCE!!!#ill post the Lord of Lightning animatic i made on tumblr when i get the chance. in the meantime i ahve it posted on twitter. GO FETCH#but THIS SECOND ONE is out there.. all synced together..#but its a wip and its rough and old and scuffed and i HATE IT. my son whom i wish was dead#but you can see it. for the small small price of uh. begging.#also ouuhh my god i love becky and kian so much... they make me so emotional.. SOMETHING ABT DOOMED SHIPS...#even as the boat sinks these two clung together so tightly. they really really did love eachother so much. even after ten years of ROTTING#of sitting and waiting and wondering 'where is she?' is she lost? hurt? did something happen? is she okay? did she even want to be here?#does she hate me? did she leave because she hated me? she never wanted to see me again? where is she? where is she? guess ill write a song#FOR TEN YEARS. when i was just busy. i was distracted. so much came up. things got serious. my dream became clear and i had to chase it#i didnt know you were waiting. im sorry. i should have chased the thought of you more. but i was busy. i was just busy.#i wish that i could apologize with the throat that was my own. i hope this copy will suffice. i hope this copy will suffice. UGH
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VANII HAII HOW ARE YOU I MISSED U SM
and a new photo of the creatur. i hate him
hai eden i am suffering but what else is new. howre u
WHY DOES HE LOOK SO HAUNTED HERE. WHAT THINGS HAS HE SEEN
#i have. a cough. and am exhausted. and my throat Hurts.#i have no cough drops and i am out of food to make at my dorm and its cold outside so i don't want to spend 10min walking to campus so <3#guess i'll starve idk#if anyone wants to contribute to the 'feed vani' fund my paypal is *sound of a train going by*
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woke up at 4 in the morning and stayed awake and I just had a chocolate chip cookie and let me tell you, it was amazing.
#chocolate chip cookie#woke up at 4am cause my cousin keeps his fan on super high and im sick and now i feel extremely worse#i hate being sick#my throat is killing me#my throat is so sore#my throat burns everytime i swallow and EVERYTIME i try to talk i sound like a pubescent teen boy with an extremely cracked voiced#lost voice#cant really talk#nonverbal#what the fuck#in my nonverbal era (not really tho cause im always going nonverbal)#hate talking and being sick made me realize how much i like not talking#but somehow everyone keeps trying to make me speak and the thing is i literally can't cause it hurts#also realized no one really gives a shit about that boundary of mine but atp im use to it#writing#im literally just a girl blogging#im a girl blogging who is very sick
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Fuck it I'm gonna learn to play the guitar AND sing then
#I can't sing for shit#Like it's not even that I sing out of key or that my voice sucks it's that my voice won't even come out of my mouth lol#It physically feels stuck in my throat like I'm gonna try to sing for 5 minutes and my throat will hurt because I'm forcing so much just to#make a sound#Like my voice is way less powerful when I sing than when I talk and I try to tell myself if you can talk then you can sing bitch it's the#same principle#Idk#I used to sing out of key when I was a kid and I think it traumatized me lol like I lost all my confidence in singing at a young age#When I had to go to choir when I was a teenager I mostly was pretending to sing lol#So yeah it's like I'm not even at the singing badly stage I'm a the literally can't sing stage#And yeah I would say I don't like singing and didn't feel like trying but tbh honest I always dreamed of being able to sing lol#But my little ass full of ego and fear of failure would never have admitted it lmao#And even when I got my guitar I was like I want to learn some stuff on the guitar that sound good enough on it's own without a singing part#But idk it's just so much easier to find songs to learn like seriously#I'm too exhausted to learn some super complicated technical stuff on the guitar but I can learn some cool chord progressions but that#typically doesn't sound great on its own lol#So yeah I guess#music
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i’ve gotten into 4 fights with mom already. she keeps saying shitty things so i yell at her for it and then we just spend like several minutes yelling at each other..
#it’s only the first day of her vacation too#I TRIED APOLOGIZING AND SHE IGNORED ME#AND I DID MY BEST TO MAKE MY VOICE SOUND ACTUALLY SORRY BC SOMETIMES MY VOICE DOESNT HAVE EMOTION#my throat hurts and i’m tired
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beaver gnawing on wood noises
#purrs#delete later#this is gonna be a bad / hard post and i’ll have to delete it. like it feels like in making it im invoking cosmic forces to show me karma or#idk like being an ingrate or whatever. but sometimes i find myself on social media rabbitholes looking at instagram pages of.. women who#like really genuinely appear to be good moms to their kids. and love them for who they are and don’t try to make them anything different.#and who celebrate their quirks and stuff. and even share interests with them at the bare minimum. and it just makes me want to sob. like the#knot in my throat. i shouldn’t do it bc i just hurt myself but it’s like. im so lucky i have a mom and that she provides for me. and i know#there are valid reasons for that being all she can do. but also why can’t she… idk.why can’t she ummm love me. or celebrate me. or find#magic in me. or at the very least accept my humanness and be open to me like giving her feedback on stuff. even tonight at this panel this o#one woman was like yeah my two daughters call me on stuff and im like you’re right. if i called my mom on stuff (and i do) she would give me#the silent treatment (and she has) or eviscerate me (and she has). and people in my work life and on here call me endearing and say all#these things. but it’s like none of it can fill up the absolute aching pulsing void that is… my mom. my mom!!!!! is just a person i live#with anr resent most of the time. who has hurt me so badly. and i could have had a mom who like. let me sing and didn’t mock me for it.#and who came in and said goodnight to me and my sister instead of leaving us to o ur own devices because we’re twins and we had each other.#and 14 years ago today was the day that fully cemented in that she could not be that kind of mom and would never be. and i know she tried so#hard and i know she has been hurt and is still hurting. but i just want to scream. like everyone deserves a mom who loves them for who they#are and shit. and how fucking unfair is it that.. like it sounds so selfish and entitled. b it how fucking unfair is it that i got a mom who#im afraid of and then there are people like fucking… m*lissa err*co and sh*ron wh*atley (those are just the famous ones) who by all#appearances seem to be like.. not only loving but open. seeing their children as human and magic all at once. instead of a war prize and a#symbol of their own hardships or whatever. like it’s just so fucking unfair. i hate that this is the way things are for me and that it will#never change and that if it ever does i have to be the one to change it or i have to heal from it and let go of it. like FUCK that! i want#love from my mom! FUCK the fact that she can’t give it to me!!! she has to!!!!!! but she won’t. idk. delete post <3#like so genuinely i should not be even typing these words bc god is gonna smite me now lol. but my heart is howling#and the shitty thing is i don’t think i’ll be able to be that kind of mom if i ever become one bc of how badly all of this has hurt me. and#bc of all that i don’t even think i want to become a mom anymore bc i don’t want to be the reason a child feels this way or grows up to.
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i knowwww i know i know i gotta sleep to feel better. but i also know theres a cinnamon bagel downstairs caling my name. and ohhhhh that siren song is ever so tempting
#late night posting#chirping#ohhh i bet it'll soothe my achey throat for only a few minutes... but man any reprive seems worth it#my! throat! hurts!!!! owowowowowowow#(<- imagine that as the sound turrets make when u fizzle them. ty.)#personal#kinda.
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The second attempt! I kinda like and kinda don't like this one, so I'm relying on you guys jfjfkglh
The first attempt
Should I use it, should I use the first one even if it's messed up or should I sing once again in a different way??
(I remember you asking me to tag you in stuff about your song, so...jfjckblvvk @fishymom-art feel free to ignore it)
#mun talks#me singing#my throat hurts now UGH#please don't mind the sounds on the background i record in my apartment and can't make things go quiet for long hhhh;;#even the most quiet corner will make a lot of sounds when I'm trying to record kshskshd
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i have the most patient neighbours on earth fr I've been screaming very loudly and very very violently at all hours of the day for almost a week now and noone's called the cops yet. it's not stopping anytime soon sorry but keep up the good habit thanks
#my throat hurts constantly but i did unlock some new sounds i didnt know i could make so hey#also my vocal cords are usually pretty like. stuck but this loosened them up a lot i have range now#barking#good omens#gomens
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