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sehodreams · 13 days

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extra points

TW and tags: professor!Eunseok x student!reader, anxiety (lots of it, with added overthinking), pet names, reader is a crybaby, clothed humping, fluff (comforting I believe), even if everything sounds nice here, obviously a relationship with your professor is not okay (there's power imbalance just for the fact she's a student and he a professor).

WC: 5.2k

Summary: You want to always make him proud of you.

Comment: A bit self-indulgent since I've had a crush on a professor each semester and I also had anxiety when they praised me. Hope it makes other academic weapons here feel a bit seen. Also, tried to check the grammar and times, but idk, now it feels a bit robotic, please tell me if I should write everything in the past time again, just wanted to try something new. A bit ass, sorry, it feels as if I've forgotten how to write.

Staring at the words on your screen that no longer make sense, you try to calm your nerves down, except, you can’t forget the way your professor looked at you before he dismissed your group.

You want to cry, but you have already cried enough. Then you want to scream, but it's 3am and your parents will kill you. You start to ponder your last choice, kill yourself, but even in your head that’s a bit too much.

You just don’t know what to do with everything you’re feeling at that moment. Wishing you could be as nonchalant as your friends, you want to stop thinking about his disappointed face when you finished your exam, because maybe you’re overthinking it, perhaps it wasn’t even that bad.

No, you’re wrong. It wasn’t perfect, and for you, that’s already bad enough.

You try to go to sleep, that should help you. You watch the bottle of melatonin in your nightstand, so closing your laptop, you grab it, take three pills instead of one, and beg the gods you’ve never believed in to make you sleep until the next morning.

Of course, before you drift away, you set your three alarms to arrive on time to his class.

You’re used to walking there filled with anxiety. You always wonder if you’re going to have the answers he wants to hear that day, or if you did good in your last test. It’s terrible, stressful, and the knot on your chest is, for anyone else, a sign that they should chill out, but to you, is a sign that you should do better.

Your mother always says that the person who knows they’ve done everything they could has no reason to feel nervous, and that has pushed you to think you never do enough because she also says you can always do more.

It’s always been the same since that semester started, you go there filled with anxiety, you raise your hand whenever he makes a question to the public, and you feel the knot loosening with each minute that passes and with his smile when you say the correct answer.

You have to admit that, when the class finishes and he says goodbye with that proud smile, you feel as if all your stress and your time invested in reading all the material he has shared makes sense. It feels a bit good, and you’re addicted to that sensation.

He only wants you to reach your full potential. He has said it to the entire classroom, that all those articles and books he has shared are only for them to always have an answer out there in the real world. He says it to the public, but the extra material he emails you makes you feel special.

You’re special, right? He wouldn’t be going out of his way to give you more knowledge if it wasn’t like that.

When you arrive to the classroom you’re pale, and your friends try to tell you that everything will be fine to calm you down, but you can’t.

You’re spiralling into anxiety, and not because you have done bad, but because you have disappointed him.

When he dismissed you, he hadn’t smiled at you, he hadn’t shown you that happy expression he always has when you’ve met his expectations, and even more, he hadn’t said well done.

And if you weren’t his best student, you didn’t want to be there.

Not much later he arrives and tells everyone that he will share the grades in his office, so all of you should go to have a private talk with him when you have time if you want feedback, and if you don’t, the grades would be in the platform the next day.

The class goes as it usually does, smooth, and silent.

He does a couple questions, and you answer them after no one raises his hand and you leave the five-second space in case anyone else wants to talk first, so everything is as normal as it can be, but instead of feeling relaxed with the time passing, you feel worse.

One of your friends tells you to meet her in the cafeteria after you finish talking with the professor, that she will buy you a coffee to cheer you up, and you smile to pretend you’re okay, but you’re fucking not.

You feel like throwing up while walking to his office, but you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday, what would you throw up at that point?

It doesn’t take too much time for him to tell you to come in after you respectfully knock on his door two times. You hear him moving papers inside when you open the door, and when you walk in, you both say good afternoon before you sit.

He doesn’t search for anything, the paper he had in his hands was yours, as if he knew you would be the first person to go and see him.

‘’Well done’’ it’s all he says.

He gives you a sheet with your grades until that date and you want to feel relaxed because all of them look good, just one, the last one, is not the perfect grade you’re used to, by one point. Then, you look at his eyes, waiting for more words from him, anything, just something, a praise you hope.

‘’Are you okay?’’ he asks you. You don’t need to be a genius to know how your face must look at that moment, pale and unfocused, like any person at the border of fainting.

You’re not about to faint, you’re about to cry, which is even worse.

Your eyes prickle and your shoulders shake. They’re coming, and you wish they didn’t, because they’re the kind that can’t be stopped for a long time.

‘’Yes’’ you say and almost immediately you start crying. ‘’I’m sorry’’.

Eunseok’s eyes open and he circles his desk to meet you. He doesn’t know what to do to help you, you’re shaking, and your tears come out like a flood that nothing will dry.

‘’What’s wrong?’’ you feel he wants to say another word, maybe a baby, but of course, it is not appropriate.

‘’I’m sorry’’ it’s the only thing that comes out of your mouth.

It breaks him to see you like that, his best student, falling apart.

He knows a lot of things, he has a career teaching, yet he’s completely lost there with you shaking in front of him.

His hands move before he can think, which is a stupid move for someone his age, used to always thinking twice before doing anything.

He had to think about taking that position a month before he accepted. He was never one for teaching, more into working on his own. If he had to admit it, he was never into interacting with a bunch of kids even when he was a student, but you had changed his perspective, making him happy to go to work every morning you would sit in his class, knowing someone would happily answer instead of leaving him talking all alone for two hours.

‘’It’s okay’’ he murmurs, caressing your shoulders with his wide palms. ‘’You did good, what’s the problem?’’

You don’t answer him, standing and denying with your head, trying to go to the door.

Looking at your trembling lip and your furrowed eyebrows, his heart flinches, and he doesn’t let you leave, holding you in his arms instead.

Your arms wrap him back, tearing face pressed against his chest while he caresses your hair and lets you sob.

It’s so embarrassing you feel like crying even more, because what would he think of you from that moment on? So pathetic, crying like a child when you were a grown woman.

You’ve tried to look perfect for him for so long, and everything had gone to shit in just a second.

Still, you don’t want to let him go.

He is warm and comforting. His aroma is earthy, woody, manly. His hands feel good against you, one on your back, slowly patting you to soothe you, and the other on the back of your head, feeling your hair. However, the best thing has to be his voice so close to your ear, deep and calming you with the way he doesn’t shush and lets you cry as much as you want.

‘’It’s okay’’ he murmurs, letting you hug him even harder. He doesn’t want to think you’re crying because of him, but what else could be the reason for those fat tears bothering your pretty eyes? ‘’Is it me? Have I done anything to you? Am I being too much?’’ he had never thought he was pushing you that much, but now that he realizes, he had never treated another student, or person, like he had treated you. He wants to excuse himself with the thought of all the potential you have, you’re so smart, he couldn’t treat you as if you were just any student.

But in the end, he reminds himself, you’re just a student. He doubted you had even worked once in your life, because no one working or that thought about other things that weren’t his classes would be able to keep up with everything he was giving you.

You denied his questions, even if it was, you couldn’t tell him it was because of him. It was because of you and your stupid head not letting you sleep with the thought of disappointing him.

‘’No’’ you sob, and your hands grip his shirt, wrinkling the pristine fabric. ‘’It’s just me, I’m sorry’’.

His arms get tighter around you, almost too much. You sniffle to make your cries stop. ‘’It’s okay, I’m sorry too’’ he says because you hadn’t said out loud, but he knows you’re like that because of him.

‘’Please don’t treat me differently’’ you beg because you don’t want him to change. You want to continue receiving his emails with more work, you want him to keep having expectations of you, and you want him to keep being proud of you.

You want to be special to him because he’s special to you. You weren’t like that for any other professor, and not any other treated you like that either.

You have good grades with everyone else, but none of them make you want to give all of you to their courses. You do exactly what’s necessary and then you leave it there. But, again, none of them were him.

It’s not something that you wanted that to happen.

The ability to follow him with your eyes, concentrating on every of his moves while your hands moved on your keyboard on their own was something that had developed with time, like your feelings for him, and everything started with that silly smile gifted to you when you made him a question about something you hadn’t understood in one of the articles.

‘’It’s the first time anyone has asked me about it, I had started to think no one read the material’’ he had said, innocently smiling at you, no idea forming in his head about what your insides felt when he showed it to you.

Everyone said that he was evil, grading all his students without compassion and telling them without an ounce of fear if they didn’t meet his expectations. He said there was only one person who did good in his class all the time, and everyone (including you) knew who that person was even if he didn’t say the name. All that had made you feel things you shouldn’t for him.

Another knock on his door startles you two, and you have to move apart. He looks at you, and one of his hands goes to your cheek to clean the gleaming left by the tears, but you’re faster and clean your eyes with your hands before you say you should leave, not giving him time enough to say anything.

The same afternoon everyone starts to get anxious in the group chat and you silence them. The student who saw you running out of his office says that you were crying, so everyone believes that you flunked, and if you did bad, none of them had hope to even pass.

When your friend calls you and asks why you were crying you say that it was nothing, just stress, and that you didn’t do as bad as everyone thinks.

She believes you because, of course, you're a good girl and you don't have a reason to lie. You have no reason to feel you’ve done anything wrong, but you feel as if you had done something you shouldn’t.

First, you were embarrassed for crying in front of him, but if you had done only that, you doubted you would be having that pressure in the pitch of your abdomen. Then, you recognized what you were feeling, desire, and you definitely shouldn't be feeling that towards your professor.

It’s weird, even if it’s not okay for you to feel that way, you admit to yourself that it felt good to be held by him. He shouldn’t have hugged you, you know that, and you fool yourself thinking it was the only thing he could’ve done in that situation and that he’d have done it with anyone too.

When you receive his email with the extra material you notice that there’s less than usual and that he has written something extra apart from the typical small message listing the titles with a Best regards, Dr. Song.

He starts with a Miss next to your name, and you read it with his voice, hearing him close, just like when he whispered next to your ear. If there is any occasion in which my office or advice is needed, please do not hesitate to come to me, my door is always open.

You don’t know what to say.

You want to say thank you, but an apology feels more correct, and just like in those exams in which you get points deducted for answering wrong, you prefer to not answer at all.

The next class, you sit way in the back, and you don’t answer any of his questions after your five-second stop, to what other students, not daring to let the silent tension stay, start to give short unsatisfactory answers that make Eunseok nod instead of proudly smile.

By the end of it, you slip out of the room with your friends, which is unusual for them since they’re used to waiting for you in the cafeteria.

‘’Don’t you have any question today?’’ one of them asks you.

‘’Not today’’ you say with the excuse of not feeling good, walking faster for them to follow you.

You feel ashamed every time you’re in front of him. The sensation of his arms around you keeps replying in your head, and you shiver when you hear his voice in your head at night. You want him in a way you shouldn’t, and it doesn’t feel like an innocent crush anymore.

You can only continue like that for two more classes before he calls your name and asks you to stay back.

Your friends don’t ask anything, but they direct a suspicious sight at you two. They had joked before saying that you two had a love quarrel when you didn’t answer his questions the second time, which had started to feel weirdly real.

‘’Don’t be silly’’ you laugh. ‘’I just don’t want to stress myself more than necessary anymore.’’

What you say makes sense in everyone’s ears, you really had to chill out, especially after that last crisis.

You nod at them, and they leave without question.

You stay away enough from him, waiting for him to talk. He sees it and sighs, shoving papers into his portfolio without a second look.

‘’I can’t help but notice there’s something different in your participation in class’’ he says. ‘’And I’m sure is related to what happened in my office.’’

‘’Nothing happened Sir, I just haven’t been feeling good’’ you don’t entirely lie. You can’t seem to function around him anymore, even in that moment, you have to resist the need of pressing your thighs to stop that need you’ve developed for his touch since that day.

When he folds his arms in front of his chest and leans back into the big desk, you gulp. He looks so fucking good you can’t pull away your eyes from the way they flex and how they look covered by his simple black shirt with the first button open.

‘’I expected more from you Miss’’ he says, and you, like instinct, feel incredibly bad again.

‘’I’m- I’m sorry’’ you say, trying to stop your eyes from prickling again.

He notices your change. It’s not hard to recognize. Suddenly, you become smaller, and you blink faster, biting the inside of your cheek.

‘’I’m not scolding you’’ he clarifies. His hand gets closer to you, touching the border of your hoodie to get your attention on him instead of the floor. You didn’t notice the way you had moved your eyes from his arms to the floor, and when you see his focused eyes on your face, you feel vulnerable. ‘’You’re my student and if you’re acting this different, I can’t ignore it’’ his eyes are on yours and his thumb and his index are still holding your clothes, playing with the fabric, ‘’I just want to know you’re okay’’.

Warmness floods you. You want to hug him again, you want him to hold you, and for him to whisper that everything is okay over your ear. No, now, you want more than a simple hug.

‘’I’ll do better Sir, I’m sorry’’ you say, and he feels you’re saying the truth this time, so he slowly nods, and his hand leaves you.

You have to gulp the whimper that wants to leave your throat after he smiles at you.

You’re fucking disgusting you tell yourself when that night you want to find relief with him in your mind.

The next days are full of pain. You want to feel him so bad you don’t even know what to do anymore. Your hands are not enough, and the hands of the boy you had let touch you on that stupid Tinder date weren’t enough either.

You had started to answer his questions in class again, lifting his mood and freeing everyone from the uncomfortable moment of having to talk to fill the silence.

‘’Did you reconcile?’’ someone jokes.

‘’We never fought to start’’ you laugh and push their shoulder to leave you alone. ‘’I just want to keep my good profile and my grades’’.

Wanting to be closer to him, you’ve even volunteered to help him grade his tests, reason why you were on his office’s couch at that moment, with a thousand papers spraddled in the little coffee table in front of you and a hand full of red tint marks.

You have less time for yourself now that you’re his little assistant, but you continue reading everything he sends you at night, feeling a bit more tired from the lack of hours of sleep.

Still, everything is worth it when you receive his texts asking for your help or when you buy yourself a cup of overly sweet coffee with the card full of coffee cash he had gifted you.

‘’For your time’’ he timidly slid the gift card to you, and you couldn’t believe your eyes because you were sure no professor gave their assistants anything at all.

You wanted to say no, and you were about to, but the wide smile on your face had been faster than your brain.

‘’I was afraid you were going to reject it’’ he laughed, showing you a new face of him you hadn’t seen before. When he truly laughs, you notice, his cheekbones become more notorious, and his grin is big, showing a bit of the gummy area of his teeth, to what you tell yourself, you wouldn’t dare to deny him anything anymore.

Waking up to the sound of your alarm, you see that it is not the alarm for waking up, but the one that tells you to go out if you don’t want to lose the bus.

You get ready quicker than ever, only brushing your teeth and running out, thanking the world that you took a late-night shower just in case.

Your look is terrible, not that you dress nicely every day, but not as bad as that day, and the world you thanked before seems to laugh at you now, making you lose your bus and making you spend money that you don’t have as cab fare.

When you arrive, you’re almost an hour late, and you don’t dare to push the door open, watching through the little window how your professor is already talking loudly inside.

Eunseok doesn’t turn to you, and you prefer that. You know that he’s exigent with times, he doesn’t even give extra minutes to people that talk too much in presentations. We have to respect everyone’s times he has said on too many occasions for you to forget.

It’s the first time you’re late to his class, and you blame yourself for not putting in more alarms when you went to sleep so late after reading the last paper he had sent you.

You don’t dare to stay there; you don’t even dare to go to the only coffee shop around to wait until your next class because you feel undeserving of spending the coffee money he had given you. You walk to the library with sad eyes and hide in the archaeology section to cry.

No one studies archaeology in your school so you cry in peace until you receive a couple of texts from your friends asking where you are and one from him.

Are you okay? you read.

Yes, I’m sorry, you reply.

Come to my office.

You knock on his door and wait for him to talk even when he has told you multiple times to just go in if you don’t hear voices inside, but you still don’t dare to do it.

‘’Come in’’ he says, and you finally open the door. You don’t walk inside as soon as he talks. He’s ruffling between documents, and you first stand and just look at him from where you are, and then, when he makes eye contact with you, you close the door behind you and give a few steps closer, leaving your bag on his coffee table before you sit in front of him. He waits for you to talk and when he notices that you won’t, he does it, ‘’What happened?’’

‘’I was late…’’ you say, ‘’It’s my fault, I’m sorry’’.

‘’But why? Did anything happen to you on the way here? I need you to talk to me, I don’t know what happened to you if you don’t’’ what he says makes sense, but you feel like saying more would be making excuses. Your parents hate excuses and have always taught you to only say what’s necessary if you’ve done something wrong. In this case, you’re sure you did something wrong.

‘’I’m sorry’’ your breath starts to get harder, and your eyes get a bit wet.

He stands up and walks to you. You think he’s going to lean on the desk like he usually does when he explains something to the room, but he surprises you by moving your seat and caging you in it, slightly bending and inspecting your face.

‘’I’ll repeat my question, and I want you to stop saying you’re sorry’’ he talks, obliging you to maintain your eyes on his with how close he is. ‘’Did anything happen to you when you were coming here?’’

‘’No’’ you answer like you can.

‘’Then what happened?’’ he asks.

‘’I-I fell asleep’’ you finally say.

He sighs, looking relieved, however, you think he sighs because that's the worst reason you could’ve given, and that makes you more embarrassed.

‘’No, wait, it’s okay’’ he smiles when your eyebrows frown to contain what he recognizes as dangerous tears with how shiny your eyes are getting. ‘’Such a crybaby’’ he laughs then, cupping the side of your cheek and cleaning one of the tears that escaped with his thumb.

‘’I’m-‘’

‘’For fucks sake, stop saying you’re sorry, you’ve done nothing to be sorry for’’ he interrupts you before you finish talking and you have to contain another sorry inside your chest. ‘’Sorry’’ he says, making you smile without knowing why. ‘’I’m just glad nothing bad happened to you, I was so worried the whole time, it’s the first time you’ve ever been absent from my class.’’

‘’I was almost an hour late’’ with his palms still on your cheeks, you felt a lot calmer, ‘’I know you don’t like late showers, so I didn’t dare to knock on the door’’.

‘’Oh doll, you should know by now that you’re always the exception.’’

He’s so tender with you, and his voice is so comforting, that you want to close your eyes and just stay with him in that position.

So, you do it, you close your eyes and exhale through your nose, feeling all anxiety disappear from your insides, and you only open them again because Eunseok is kissing you, and you can’t believe what you’re feeling.

The kiss is so soft. His lips feel perfect against yours, smooth and slightly damp. You don’t know what makes you so bold, but your hands go to his neck to not let him move away. At first it was superficial, just lips touching, to then get deeper after you showed equal eagerness.

It’s not much after, as if both of you had been needing to feel each other for a long time, that his tongue caresses your lips to make you accept him, which you do immediately.

The kiss is getting so messy that for a second, he has to breathe over your mouth. Both breaths are hot and fall over each other’s open mouths, making you let a low moan out with the sensation.

Everything is really happening, and you feel your panties get wet with his simple kiss.

He takes your breath again with a groan, making you stand from your seat to pose his hands on your back and press you against his body.

You whimper feeling his belt pinch you and his hand on your back getting lower. Your hands want to do something, so instead of staying still on his neck, they go to feel his hair.

Even his hair felt good.

Silk on your hands, you let him press his thigh on your sex, moving your hips to feel him more.

‘’Fuck, this is so not okay’’ he frowns, lips going to attack your neck while you close your eyes and let him move your hips to meet his thigh and make you more of a mess inside your pants. He stops for a minute, frowning because of how his common sense screams that what he's doing is wrong in so many aspects.

‘’No- don’t stop, please’’ you beg in a whisper. You can’t be loud, you know that what you’re doing is not okay, yet you’ve been needing him for so long, you can’t stop him, and he doesn't want either.

‘’Such a good girl, always making me so proud, fuck, I won’t be able to let you go’’ he says, retaking his past action and making you hump him with both of his hands pushing your hips back and forth his tailored pants.

They’re black, simple, elegant, like him, and you want to cry because it feels like a dream.

‘’Always being so good to me, you’re gonna cum for me like this, right?’’ he asks, biting the side of your neck, making your eyes roll with how close you are to finding your orgasm.

You can’t talk or you’ll moan, you know your body, so you bite your lip and nod while gripping onto his shirt.

His chest is big, and you can’t help but rub your own to his. There, you notice that your sports bra and your hoodie do nothing to impede your hard nipples from feeling good.

He must notice the way you desperately need his attention on your chest, so one of his hands goes from your hip to directly touch you under your shirt.

‘’My pretty girl, can’t believe I’ve endured so long without touching you’’ you can’t believe he calls you pretty when at that moment you feel you look like shit, but he proves you wrong, groping your chest with need, fondling it, to then play with your nipple. His thumb is sweeping it with experience, making you dizzy with all the stimulations together.

Your cunt clenches when you press your clit on his leg, you start to hump him on your own, setting your own pace to cum, and opening your eyes to look at his face, you see shiny white dots.

Your drunken expression makes him let a breathy laugh free, and you cum with a louder whimper the moment you see his smile directed at you.

He stops his attention on your chest and lets you ride down your high while lovingly caressing your back and holding you in his arms.

You need a minute before all clearance is back in your mind and shame starts invading you because you just… well, you haven’t fucked, but you know you’ve done a lot more than a simply making out session.

Your trembling legs and the mess inside your pants are enough proof of that. You’ve never felt anything close to that in your life, so good you had no doubt you could get easily addicted.

Shame is not enough to stop you, and feeling his erection against your abdomen, you feel bad for being the only one who has had an orgasm.

‘’I- I want to make you feel good too’’ you say, inhaling his aroma and hiding your face on his shoulder.

‘’We can’t do more…’’ his arms get tighter around you, not letting you get away before he can finish, knowing the ideas that were already forming in your head about him not wanting to touch you. ‘’Not here.’’

You nod relieved.

Your phone starts ringing, and he lets you get apart enough for you to grab it out of your pocket to see who’s calling you. It’s your alarm for your next class.

‘’Busy?’’ he asks, reading the clear Math II that appears on your screen.

‘’Nah’’ you say. You hate math, and you like Eunseok, so it’s not hard to choose between them. Shoving your phone in the back pocket of your jeans, you press your body to his and hug him again.

He laughs and his hands move from the small of your back to your ass, to where your phone is, and he gives you a soft smack on the free area.

‘’Go to class, can’t let my star student get distracted if I want to keep showing off how good you do in mine’’ he says, and you feel so happy with the idea of him talking about you with others that you become weaker in his arms. ‘’I’ll call you later.’’

You reluctantly move apart from his arms when he pushes you to the door and gives you your bag. In front of his door, before he opens it for you, he gives you a long-lasting kiss that feels more like a peck. Then, pushing you out softly, he makes you leave his office, and when you turn back to see him one last time, he’s smiling at you, which makes you smile the rest of the day too.

#riize smut #riize x reader #eunseok x reader #eunseok smut #riize fluff

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jjkeverlastreads · 1 year

Text

mem x mem fics 🤍

read [ ✓ ] not read [ ✘ ] still reading [〥]

mostly for myself to keep track, but feel free to read these if any are of interest to u! <3

make sure to check the tags before indulging in a fic! also all of these fics are from ao3!

if u have any mem x mem recs, don't feel afraid to recommend them in my inbox! i'd love to read them wuup wuup

YOONMIN

one shots

4 a.m is the worst [the one where yoongi keeps coming back at 4 a.m. making jimin fall in love with him just a little more.] ✘

we make the perfect blend [it’s been months since it started, yoongi and jimin winding up in bed together, half naked and half drunk, every other weekend with their hands and mouths connected. they don’t talk about it, pretend it isn’t happening, and jimin suffers in secret. the sweet messages yoongi writes on jimin’s coffee cups don’t mean anything, none of it does, he’s just a good hyung.] ✘

teach me the way to your heart [after taking jimin’s first kiss in a game of truth or dare, yoongi finds himself agreeing to help jimin practice. maybe things wouldn’t be so difficult, if jimin wasn’t so cute, or if his lips didn’t taste like peaches, or if he only wanted to practice kissing.] ✓

in vinos veritas [jimin and yoongi make a deal to get married at 30 if they're both still single.] ✘

indelible ink [of course he’s stuck in a supply closet on new year’s eve at nearly midnight. and, of course, the only other person in the office for him to get stuck with is park jimin. being stuck with jimin would be fine, if yoongi didn’t have a massive crush on him.] ✓

cupcakes of forgiveness [jimin's roommate likes to have loud, obnoxious, raunchy sex. so he camps out on the neighbor's couch.] ✓

double ended [coworkers yoongi and jimin are always competing for sales and trying to outdo each other. they’re enemies, rivals. no matter what anyone thinks, it’s absolutely not sexual tension.] ✓

we're just lost stars [it's hard growing up, seeing your imperfections and having to face that you're in the spotlight 24/7, for jimin it's even harder when you're falling in love with the only person who makes you feel perfect. someone that probably just sees you as a kid anyways. (or, that one where jimin grows up, yoongi takes notice, and basically all of bangtan ship yoonmin)] ✘

series

you're worth more than gold (medals) [the only thing on jimin's mind before his first olympic games on the figure skating team is potential glory. his teammate hoseok is very eager to inform him of other possible perks. like the free condoms for all athletes. jimin isn’t interested in any of that - until he meets min yoongi.] ✓ chapters in total: 6/6

break my heart and start again [jimin has been hiding his unrequited love for his best friend for years. but when yoongi is getting married, a trip away for his bachelor party crumbles all of jimin’s carefully held control.] 〥 chapters in total: 8/8

TAEKOOK

one shots

eyes on me baby [taehyung loses a bet and ends up nude modeling for legendary painter jeon jeongguk. he soon finds out that jeongguk fucks just as good as he paints.] ✘

read between your lines [jungkook is thrilled when his crush asks to borrow his textbook in class. but when taehyung leaves without returning it, jungkook feels like taehyung's stolen more than just his book.] ✓

bullet with butterfly wings [jeongguk hires taehyung to teach his son how to play the guitar, but taehyung ends up teaching jeongguk something about himself.] ✓

just two dudes being bros [shortly said: jungkook and taehyung are in denial over being in love with another, shown in a hilarious way..] ✓

no nut november ft. sope [jungkook bets hoseok that he can't go a month without sex. jungkook thinks it will be a piece of cake, but he's unaware that taehyung and yoongi have a bet of their own.] ✓

(even at my worst) i'm best with you [the one where taekook are ross and rachel.] ✘

a candlelight or two [taekook being whipped and having soft fluffy sex] ✘

bendy rulers [based on an article titled "STRAIGHT GUY WORRIES HE'S BEING HOMOPHOBIC TO GAY ROOMMATE, REALIZES HE'S FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HIM."] ✓

oh, boy [after suffering for a year to meet his rent every month, taehyung's best friend jimin suggests he get a roommate. enter jeon jungkook, the prettiest boy he's ever seen.] ✓

oh, you're gonna take me home (tonight) [having sex for the first time is something jeongguk had always dreamt of; made fantasies about it and, with shaking hands, had looked forward to since he was thirteen and had an orgasm for the first time. but then, when it finally happens, he's a little underwhelmed. and when taehyung finds out about that, he gently takes on the job himself to show jeongguk how it can be as well.] ✓

three weddings and a love story [jeongguk and taehyung crash weddings. they get in a little over their heads.] ✓

chronicles of jeon jeongguk's gay love story [jeongguk writes straight romance and sex for a living. taehyung edits them. until, jeongguk get his horny self together and sends a rough draft of a gay love story to taehyung.] ✓

get me out of my mind (get you out of those clothes) [taehyung never thought he'd fall in love with his roommate. then again, he never thought his roommate would have been a literal gift from god either.] ✘

the butterfly effect [jeongguk and taehyung play an innocent game of ‘never have I ever.’ how it ends up with jeongguk choking on taehyung’s cock, well, that’s a whole other story.] ✓

maybe we're fireproof [for as long as jeongguk can remember (and even before that too), his body has been on fire.] ✓

couldn't care more [so. yeah. jeongguk flashed his abs to the entire world. and taehyung needs to put him in his place.] ✓

i'll love you out loud [taehyung accidentally reveals to the whole group that he's in love with jeongguk while filming an episode of run BTS] ✓

stocking up on oxygen [just days in the life of taehyung and jeongguk getting through lockdown together.] ✘

tenacious d in the dick of destiny [in the midst of struggling with debts and empty plastic packets of instant ramyeon, taehyung and jeongguk joined forces to put the phrase "sex sells" to good use.] ✓

for a good time, call [kim taehyung, a well-known phone sex operator who specializes in providing anything and everything his clients ask, gets more than he bargained for when goldenboy books one of his sessions.] ✓

fever started a long time ago [in which taehyung eats a magical fortune cookie and wakes up physically dependent on jeongguk’s body heat.] ✓

make you mine (i can fuck you better) [it's one of life's greatest moral quandaries— if your roommate is the most gorgeous boy you've ever seen in your entire life and said gorgeous roommate already has a boyfriend, should you try and seduce him anyways? well, if you're jeon jungkook and the roommate in question is kim taehyung, the answer is...FUCK YES.] ✘

double tap [upon a dare, taehyung has to wear a vibrator to class. however, he accidentally drops his remote and the guy whom he was having sexual tension with for the last few months, jeon jeongguk, ends being the one to pick it up.] ✓

maybe [mutual pining between taekook, jungkook is in deniaaaal, canon compliant] ✓

try hard [with years of rivalry at hand, one can clearly point out that rebellious prodigy kim taehyung and golden boy jeon jeongguk simply can’t stand each other. and then suddenly comes out a rumor about said jeongguk being fucking hung and taehyung wants to punch him in the face even more than before (he also kind of wants to suck his dick, but that’s beside the point).] ✓

don't bother knocking [taehyung can't sleep without hugging something, but when he's especially anxious his pillows aren’t quite enough. on those occasions taehyung bribes his very cute neighbour jeongguk to let him sleep in his bed and use him as a body pillow. and jeongguk is totally fine with that. the only problem is that he's pretty sure taehyung thinks he's straight and he has no idea how to tell him that he's most definitely not. he's gay, so very gay and all the platonic cuddling and non-dates are slowly killing him on the inside.] ✓

eat fess love [the one where shitty elevators serve as the one thing standing between jeongguk and his three step plan to win taehyung over.] ✓

anger is a secondary emotion [taehyung is spending time with someone. jungkook is irritated. the two have nothing to do with each other.] ✓

like a moon (i revolve around you) [the point of being friends with benefits is to do it no strings attached - no getting attached.] ✘

look around [“jungkook?”. her voice comes out a little hoarse and broken as she stares across the table at the boy that she had, no less than two nights ago, walked in on in the middle of getting fucked. there’s no mistaking it. she’d recognize him anywhere. (mostly because she’d spent those last couple of days thinking about the muscled line of his shoulders and the pretty, pretty noises he’d made riding that dude’s cock, but — whatever.)] ✘

something to do with hands [“it’s a lot like falling in love with a city you’ve never been to.”] ✘

series

cuz in a sky full of stars (i think i saw you) [taehyung always has bad ideas. and jeongguk thinks this might be the best.] ✓ chapters in total: 9/9

(before you) i thought i had it all [jeon jungkook has it all. the business, the money, the power. anyone he meets falls to their knees for him, but it's not like he gives a shit. that is, until a certain silver haired boy crashes into his life. maybe he doesn't have it all. . . yet.] ✓ chapters in total: 14/14

chemistry [jungkook just wants to get his tutoring sessions with the president's son over with. taehyung just wants to get his cute tutor under him.] 〥 chapters in total: 11/11

long road to ruin [jungkook accidentally texting taehyung instead of jimin regarding how badly he wants him.] ✘ chapters in total: 4/4

let's pretend for real [jeon jungkook and kim taehyung are best friends who are secretly in love with each other. they thought their feelings will forever be unrequited until jungkook ask taehyung to be his fake boyfriend for his brother’s wedding. confusion and chaos ensue as they try to navigate their ‘pretend’ relationship.] ✘ chapters in total: 7/?

just say "yes" (i'd rather have everything than nothing at all) [it all starts with a tweet: KTH is giving me serious creeper vibes.against his better judgement, taehyung clicks.] ✓ chapters in total: 3/3

fade into you [it’s been almost a decade since taehyung walked out of jungkook’s life for good. now, two of their best friends from college are getting married. will they be able to overcome their messy past and find a way to move forward? or will spending a week together in a place full of memories only serve to reopen old wounds? whether jungkook likes it or not, he’s about to find out.] ✓ chapters in total: 26/26

realms between us [jeongguk doesn’t know how spirit magic or ouija boards work. he assumes it takes something a lot more complicated than a drunk man asking for a sex demon to show up for it to actually happen. something like cutting your hand and letting your blood drip onto the petals of a rare flower. or saying something religious into a mirror while doing the macarena. that's how jeongguk knows that this is a prank. that's how he knows that the boy sitting on his bed claiming to be an incubus is lying.] ✓ chapters in total: 8/8

maybe we can be (each other's company) [in which jeongguk is an idol, and taehyung is a dedicated fan account.] ✘ chapters in total: 10/10

new (newer) rules [step #1: don't get involved with the guy your girlfriend cheats with. failed step 1.] ✓ chapters in total: 6/6

how to top [in which the school's resident badboy helps a seemingly unattractive loser win the heart of his best friend. it sounds like a good idea at first, however, it's all fun and fake dates until somebody accidentally falls in love.] 〥 chapters in total: 38/38

loving you is; blue and grey [to explain it in short, taehyung is pining for jungkook, but jungkook is crushing on jimin. i should note that it's ft. yoonmin !! and looots of angst. the summary already is angsty dfkjhfdkj] ✓ chapters in total: 13/13

outlines [simply put, taehyung needs a boyfriend for his brother’s wedding – jeongguk volunteers. (featuring lots of phone calls, a healthy amount of practice, and unnecessary throwbacks and references).] ✓ chapters in total: 5/5

fall asleep (fall for you) [a university AU where jungkook and taehyung become roommates. but jungkook has insomnia and can't fall asleep with other people and taehyung can't fall asleep alone.] 〥 chapters in total: 22/22

curveball [star baseball player kim taehyung meets rookie sports reporter jeon jeongguk, and it’s a whole new ball game for them both.] 〥 chapters in total: 11/11

oranges and art students [jungkook gets his first apartment away from busan, away from his parents, away from the stress of his earlier life. he soon finds out that his next door neighbor is pretty much out of his fucking mind.] ✘ chapters in total: 10/10

infinity on high [for his first year of university, jeongkook expects sex. if he was honest with himself, it's one of the things he looked forward to. what he doesn't expect, is to become fuck buddies with the first person he hooks up with.] ✘ chapters in total: 7/7

the geographical cure [jeon jeongguk likes to travel. for so long, his life has been made up of new countries, new places, new experiences (and new boys.) a vacation makes you feel suspended in time, detached from the world, weightless. and prague seems far enough away from seoul for him to disappear completely. that is, until he meets kim taehyung on the plane, and his entire world shifts on its axis.] ✘ chapters in total: 6/6

NAMKOOK

one shots

cut to the chase [when jimin drags jungkook to his morning running club to be his “wingman”, jungkook doesn’t expect to meet the most attractive man he’s ever seen. it’s just his bad luck that jimin is totally into the guy.] ✓

the tip of the iceberg [on a cruise for his friends’ wedding, jungkook is just trying to relax and recreate a few moments from titanic. But a room mixup causes him to have to share a room, and a bed, with his crush, and jungkook feels himself sinking fast. despite the panic, maybe it’s not all bad, especially if jungkook can experience a little more movie romance than he expected.] ✓

MINKOOK

one shots

snow place i'd rather be [a perfect storm kicks off a perfect day when yoongi and jeongguk get snowed in. jeongguk is thrilled to have the opportunity to spend the day cuddling with his boyfriend while they watch christmas movies. but when the power goes out and things get a little chilly, they need to find other ways to stay warm.] ✘

we are probably (in love) [five times jungkook tries to serenade yoongi with WAP and one time it (sort of) works.] ✓

i think i'm coming alive with you [they haven’t been dating long, and jungkook has never stayed over, never slept in yoongi’s bed. but after a night out, yoongi doesn’t think twice about inviting his new boyfriend to sleep over for the first time. when he wakes in the night with a problem, jungkook is more than willing to solve it, even if he might fall asleep while trying.] ✓

TAEGI

one shots

things that go bump in the night [despite his fear of scary things, taehyung was all in on weekly horror movie nights with his roommate yoongi. maybe the nightmares are worth it when he can crawl into his crush's bed every night.] ✘

series

no time like now [when his hook up-turned-blind date suggests they pretend to be in a relationship to get their friends off their backs, yoongi reluctantly agrees. yoongi is rigid. he values routine and planning, consistency and schedules. spontaneous taehyung breezes into his life, seemingly intent on upending it. and maybe yoongi doesn’t realize how much he might like that until it’s slipping through his fingers.] ✘ chapters in total: 7/7

prove it [it all started with a phrase. just one simple off-hand comment: I could make you come easily. a joke. a throw-away assurance when yoongi was feeling down. but he couldn't stop thinking about it and before he was even aware of what he was doing, yoongi was at his door: prove it.] ✓ chapters in total: 18/18

VMIN

one shots

fuck with a star [after a drunk night of sex with his best friend, jimin is faced with a few things amidst preparations for a concert. 1. jimin is straight 2. taehyung is not 3. jimin is determined to pretend that nothing ever happened, and 4. taehyung is determined to prove him otherwise] ✓

JIKOOK

one shots

love on top [jungkook and jimin are both exclusive tops but someone's got to give in.] ✘

#my reading list #bts fic #mxm #taekook #taekook smut #yoonmin #yoonmin fic #namkook #namkook fic #taegi #taegi fic #vmin #vmin smut #vmin fic #minkook #minkook fic #minkook smut

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cancerian-woman · 8 months

Text

I’m in a petty mood so :P

if Bonnie wasn’t the most disrespected character of tvd then maybe…idk there wouldn’t be videos, books, articles online that has to thoroughly explain this topic repeatedly with detailed evidence. Then you fans that claim Bonnie didn’t suffer the way other characters did or it wasn’t as bad only have that argument because you let your hatred for Bonnie cloud anything else. Pull up a video that explains how badly Caroline and Elena was treated that lines up with Bonnie’s. Like I said before NOBODY has ever said Elena and Caroline didn’t struggle that would be false but their struggles will never align with how the MAIN black woman was treated for 8 years.

Yall be upset over characters like Katherine, Vicki, Caroline, Elena etc etc. when Julie never went on Twitter tangents about her disdain for that character or actress , never bashed or nitpicked at those fanbases. Caroline Dries never intentionally talked over Candice, or Nina in interviews because they had ideas. Candice was so loudly loved that not only was her character placed with nearly every male, but they written in her pregnancy for Caroline connecting her to 2 more shows. Nina got to do more scenes as Katherine.

There’s plenty of other things but Kat could give yall losers a PowerPoint presentation detailing about how she was sidelined from Bonnie’s sexuality, repeatedly making remarks about how often Bonnie’s sacrificed and gets nothing, the relationships, and even her wardrobe. On top of continuously mentioning how she felt like they didn’t want her there. She’s even said directly she thinks there wouldn’t have been problems had she been white. I mean look at the white witches… The series will never let us forget how beautiful they found the other women yet NEVER gave Bonnie those compliments and moments to just be beautiful in a gown. Mystic Falls had a dance every damn moment yet how many of those was Bonnie enjoying herself? She couldn’t even win prom queen without that being taken from her. “She’s always had good friends…” what? The friends that didn’t notice she was dead for months and only wanted her back because they needed her magic? The friends that don’t check up on her at all period until they want her magic? “Her family loves her” oh you mean the Grams they referred to as an alcoholic in s1? The father who worked soo much but clearly never wanted to stay. You mean Abby the woman that loved Elena and herself more than she loved Bonnie? Wait, no no you mean Lucy the woman who said she’d see Bonnie again and dies offscreen? Or all of the lovely WOC we never get to see…

Yall really be talking out your ass. The fans that claim “people make it so hard to love all three!” because of these metas ONLY have these issues when Bonnie fans want to speak and cater towards Bonnie first. Dont follow Bonnie fans if you’re going to get mad everytime they speak about Bonnie. I don’t fucking get that at all. WHY go out your way to follow someone and you know you don’t want to read anything they have to say. Not smart but whatever.

#dria responds #sick of you delulu people in this tag fr #anti tvd #anti the vampire diaries #bonnie bennett #anti Julie Plec #anti Caroline dries

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finkinthisfrew · 8 months

Text

New Years Eve (Pt.1)

New Years Eve

Part 1 - Last Year

Sitting in the car with the radio playing, you listen to the soft folk music coming from the stereo alone, accompanied only by your slow deep breaths in and out, and the occasional heavy gust of wind that whipped the falling snow against your windshield. You sit with your eyes closed, absentmindedly flipping your phone over and over in your lap as you try to prepare yourself for the evening ahead.

You’re parked outside of the restaurant, and the absolute last thing you want to do is go inside. The last time you checked the bookings for tonight, you wanted to find the nearest toilet and throw up, and knowing how busy the place normally gets, and considering it's New Years Eve, you know that it’s only going to be worse tonight. You wanted to take the night off to avoid the shit-storm that was inevitably about to happen and instead spend your first New Years Eve as a couple together with Matty on the couch watching old movies and cuddling while hiding away from the snowstorm. You definitely could have had the night off if you’d asked- you’d worked as a server and bartender at the restaurant for years now and the owners adored you. You could pretty much request whatever days off you wanted, but you were trying to save up money for an anniversary gift for Matty, and you were still short by quite a bit.

The tips… focus on the tips…

You meditated to yourself over and over.

The last time you worked New Year's Eve at the restaurant, you walked home with more than a week's worth of tips in your purse. You also remembered breaking down and crying multiple times during that shift, so the tips weren’t exactly enough to distract you from the nightmare of tonight's shift. Not to mention, that was all before the big article listing it as the best restaurant in the city was published, making it more popular this year than it's ever been.

The feeling of your phone vibrating in your lap shakes you out of your trance and you quickly pick it up to read the text.

Matty❤️Baby: Good luck tonight petal- I love you❤️

Your stomach flips and you sigh with happiness at his words as you begin to reminisce about how you met...

You and Matty started dating almost a year ago- you’d met at a New Year's Eve party that you almost hadn’t attended. Your very rich entrepreneur socialite influencer friend, Mia, who you’d known since high school, was throwing a big, fancy invitation-only party at her penthouse downtown. The dress code was formal, and though you thought you looked quite nice in your outfit- a simple champagne-coloured silk dress- you couldn’t help but feel underdressed when you and your friend walked into a giant living room full of suits and borderline gowns.

“Oh god, this was a bad idea…” you said to Bri, clutching her arm anxiously as you scanned the room.

“Don’t start with me,” she scolded you. "You promised we'd stay until midnight!" She reminded you, so you shut your mouth and let her pull you further into the massive apartment. You walked down the steps hand in hand and into the sunken living room the size of what felt like it could be an airplane hangar.

“This place is insane, I can’t believe you know someone this rich. Jesus Mary and Joseph, look at the size of that couch!" she said as she finally tore her eyes from the view, dragging you towards the centre of the room where an enormous couch the size of your entire apartment sat against the backdrop of a giant wall of windows that looked out on the city lights. You couldn't help but laugh as Bri bent over to feel the plushness of the rug with her hands. "We need to hang out with this girl more often,” she said in awe as she studied the luxurious apartment.

“Maybe we should go…” You began again, realizing how few people you recognized at the party.

“Oh, we can’t go-” she said a matter of factly, her tone catching you off guard. “That guy across the room has been eye-fucking you since we left the elevator.”

And she was right. He hadn’t take his eyes off of you though from the moment you entered the room. You looked over at him, but immediately looked away. You were instantly intimidated by him- he was too handsome in his suit- the most charming bowtie tied round his neck, his hair slicked back casually and a single silver hoop hanging from his ear, all accompanied by the most heart-wrenchingly beautiful tentative smile directed solely at you.

Luckily, right at that moment, Mia swooped in, thrilled you made it and immediately began gabbing your ear off about the attendees.

Much to your shaken heart’s detriment, the person she was most eager to gab about was none other than Mr. Eye-Fucker himself.

Mia gushed to you for a solid half-hour about how hot and talented he was- apparently he was in a pretty accomplished band. He was a rockstar too? As if you had a real shot with him... This stuff only happened in movies- it was too good to be true. Naturally, you spent the evening avoiding his frequent glances and convincing yourself he wasn’t looking at you.

Several rounds of tequila shots later, Mia eagerly rounded everyone up for a game.

“Everyone, come, come! Sit down in a circle- yes, you too George, don't be such a baby!” She pointed accusingly at the tall handsome man sitting on the couch rolling his eyes. As you looked over at George, you could see, from the corner of your eye, his face pointed directly at you. His stare felt like fire on your skin, and you burned with curiosity.

Finally, you let yourself look. You regretted looking immediately- the bright red that adorned your face once you finally saw his warm brown eyes pouring into your soul was mortifying- though you found out only a few weeks later that your blushing face was what properly pushed him from being interested to completely falling for you.

Everyone sat down in a large circle under the guiding eye of Mia. Some people were focused on trying to look casual instead of incredibly awkward due to their restrictive formal attire keeping them from sitting comfortably, but almost everyone looked intrigued and curious about what was going to happen next. Mia disappeared, running into the kitchen before skipping giddily back into the room with a wide grin on her face, hiding something behind her back.

“So,” she began smugly, “As we all know, it’s New Years Eve, and you all received personal invitations to this party. What you don’t know…” she paused dramatically, “Is that everyone in this room… is single!”

The room fell silent.

This was so typical of Mia. There’s nothing that girl loved more than romance and gossip, and what better way to experience both than to invite a bunch of singles to snog at her house? You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself.

Everyone’s faces turned to look at you, and suddenly you realized you hadn’t laughed in your head- you had laughed out loud. But the only face you noticed was the one that hadn’t turned- because he had already been looking at you.

A couple people joined in with nervous laughter, and you were grateful for them, but he continued to watch you.

“I thought,” Mia continued, grabbing everyone's attention again, “That it might be fun to make sure that everyone has a midnight kiss. So, I propose,” she said as she pulled a bottle of Champagne out from behind her back, “that we play a game of spin the bottle to help us choose our partners!” Mia scanned the circle with excitement, but all she got in return was nervous silence. When her eyes met yours, begging you to join in on her enthusiasm, a voice across from you broke the silence.

“That sounds fun”

It was your turn to stare at him. He said it so earnestly, so softly, offering Mia a kind smile- one that you think you would have fainted from if you’d been on the receiving end. He was so unfathomably handsome.

“Exactly, Matty. Thank you!” Mia replied approvingly, sending him back an overly flirtatious smile, but he’d already looked away, reaching for a glass of wine he’d rested on the end table beside him.

Matty. What a cute name.

You thought to yourself.

As people began to tentatively voice their willingness to participate, you watched as Matty sipped his wine. Suddenly flickering up from the glass, his eyes caught yours. You could feel him take hold of your gut, yanking it towards him where he sat across from you, holding you close to him- tightly. It was visceral.

“Alright,” Mia said loudly, shaking you from the tense exchange and causing you to look away. You could still feel his eyes on you as she spoke, “I’ve gone ahead and put everyone’s names in a hat- when I draw your name, spin the bottle. Whoever it lands on, introduce yourself, get to know each other, and they’ll be your kiss when the clock strikes midnight!”

You were terrified of the thought of being paired up with Matty, yet every time Mia pulled out a new name from the hat, you caught yourself hoping it would be his, and every time someone else spun the bottle, you found yourself praying it didn’t land on you.

As new couples paired up, one after the other eagerly slinking away to find a quiet corner to introduce themselves, the numbers around the circle dwindled. Suddenly there were only four of you left. Mia finally pulled her name from the hat, excitedly spinning the bottle and sneaking glances up at Matty as it spun. You held your breath and watched in slow motion as it slowed to a stop. It pointed at the boy sat next to Matty- a plainly handsome blonde with bright blue eyes. You watched Mia shrug to herself and smile as she skipped over to the boy (who looked a bit scared, to be quite honest), introducing herself boldly as they walked off.

You realized then as you watched the train of Mia’s long sparkling gown finally disappear around the corner that you were alone with him.

His energy filled the entire room, snapping around you with electricity. The silence screamed at you, magnifying the intensity of his gaze which you felt nuzzling against the cheek of your turned face. You couldn’t avoid the pull of his eyes any longer. You let yours travel over to him slowly, easing into his stare like wading into the shallow end of the pool. Of course, you fell right in any way, your heart immediately drowning in his warmth, his smile pulling you in like a warm hug.

“Hello, love,” he said warmly.

“Hi,” you managed to squeak out. You cursed yourself internally for sounding so timid and weak, but you were too overwhelmed to act any other way.

“I guess Mia didn’t account for the awkwardness when pairing up strangers with the expectation to kiss,” Matty said with a bashful chuckle as he scratched the back of his head.

“No, she definitely didn’t,” you laughed as you rolled your eyes in agreeance. “She’s not one to really care, though. She’s always been fearless like that,” you continued thoughtfully.

“How do you know Mia?” Matty asked curiously, crossing his arms over his knee as he looked at you attentively from across the now invisible circle.

“Well we met back in - Oh fuck it, this distance is absurd…” You grumbled, gesturing to the good 20 or so feet between the two of you, causing Matty to laugh. You sighed as you stood up, and were happy to see Matty’s face of pleasant surprise when you came over to sit next to him. “We went to high school together. We’ve drifted in and out of friendship since then, but she always invites me to all her parties. She’s really great like that- getting me out of the house,” you explained as you sat down.

“So you’re a bit of a homebody then?” He probed further, leaning towards you subconsciously as he listened.

You chatted for a bit about your lives, and you learned from him he was in a band that toured often, but that he also was a homebody just like you.

“…but if it’s up to me, I prefer spending my free time at home… I’m always traveling, so any chance I get to be home, I take it. I actually wanted to stay home tonight originally but my friend George dragged me here instead- I can’t remember how he knows Mia. I think they met at some event? Or another party? He was telling me this yesterday but I was too busy trying to come up with an excuse not to come… Anyways… doesn’t matter…” he trailed off in a frown, seemingly catching himself in his rambling and scolding himself inwardly.

“Oh, I’m the same way! I’d much rather be at home than at this party,” you said in enthusiastic agreement. You watched in horror as his face fell, his smile faltering as your words stung him. You felt his heart break- its crack reverberating through yours as if it were your own. You quickly corrected yourself. “Or- I did. I did feel that way about tonight- until we started talking,” you stumbled through your words, correcting yourself desperately. “I’m having a nice time now... A really nice time,” you finished, cutting yourself off quickly before you could say anything else too cheesy. The only thing that scared you more than talking to him right now was the thought of the conversation ending. You didn’t have to worry though- Matty wasn’t going anywhere. He'd stay as you as long as you let him- he was entirely captivated by you.

You were rewarded generously for your words, Matty’s face beaming at you with adoration. The arms you leaned back on nearly buckled as his smile took your breath away, his eyes crinkling sweetly at you.

“I’m having a nice time too. I’m really glad I came,” he said earnestly, glancing you up and down, making your skin tingle with flattery.

You sat in silence together smiling bashfully at each other for a bit. Somehow the silence wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable.

“Sorry you got stuck with me,” you finally mumbled, almost to yourself.

“What?” Matty asked with a frown.

“You didn’t even get to spin the bottle,” you explained. “You technically didn’t even choose me- that’s a bit gutting, don’t you think? That you kind of got stuck with me,” you finished with a shrug. Matty only shook his head, a small smile dancing on his lips.

“That’s not true at all. You could argue that being the only ones to not have our names drawn or the bottle landed on is an even better way of being chosen. We didn’t get a bottle- we got fate,” he offered sweetly with a charming grin. You swooned internally, but fought to keep your head screwed on right, unwilling to let yourself believe he was being anything other than kind. Especially not romantic. Being romantic would mean he was actually interested in you, and that couldn’t possibly be the case… could it?

“You don’t have to kiss me, by the way,” he said lightly, breaking the silence that had resurfaced after you didn’t respond to his comment about fate.

There we go. This makes much more sense.

You thought to yourself confidently, realizing he didn’t want to kiss you. The pang of sadness that hit you was excruciating, and you couldn’t fathom coming up with a reasonable response, so you instead stared at the carpet under his feet.

“Just to be clear,” he began slowly, speaking evenly, treading lightly around your shattered heart, “I’d love to kiss you. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to because of a game,” he clarified.

And suddenly, your heart was whole again. In fact, it felt even better than before. Actually, better than it ever had. You didn’t know what to say. You were too shocked by… everything. By his kindness, by how gentlemanly he was, by how sweet he was, by how handsome he looked, but above all, by those five words.

I’d love to kiss you.

You would’ve kissed him then and there- if you had any balls whatsoever. But you didn’t, so instead you sat there looking dumbstruck as you frantically tried to come up with a response that wouldn’t give away the complete meltdown you were suffering from internally.

“Same goes for you…” you manage to say. It took everything in you to keep yourself from smacking your hand to your forehead in embarrassment as Matty cocked an eyebrow up at you in intrigued confusion.

He opened his mouth to say something, then stopped himself when multiple voices entered the room.

The evening continued as the various partners reentered the living room, once again mingling with each other, some even starting a dance floor as the music was slowly turned up throughout the night. But you and Matty stayed there at the foot of the couch chatting. You chatted effortlessly for hours, yet it felt like no time passed. The more you spoke, the more natural it felt- though the knot of desire inside your chest never lessened. It only grew as you got to know him, his kind and giving nature so clear as he asked you thoughtful questions, answering your own questions just as thoughtfully. He was funny, charming, interesting, and incredibly sweet. You never wanted it to end.

You were in the midst of listening to Matty explain the new song he’d been writing when Bri shocked you back into the real world.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you, you slag!” she said drunkenly, crashing you back to reality as she took both of your hands and pulled you up. You looked back at Matty apologetically, but he only smiled and offered a little understanding wave goodbye as Bri dragged you off to tell you all about her new midnight kiss partner, Robbie.

As you lit your second cigarette, Bri finally came up for air from her story about Robbie, stubbing out her own cigarette butt on the terrace of the giant patio that overlooked the city lights. It was just the two of you out there, the faint thud of the bass drifting over to the loveseat you’d snuggled up on.

“So,” your best friend began as she plucked your lighter from your hand, lighting up her own second cigarette of the evening before throwing her arm back around your shoulders. “You got paired up with that musician guy who was looking at you. What was his name again?”

“Matty,” you said softly, your eyes glazing over as you remembered his face. Well, that was a lie. You didn’t need to remember his face because it had been etched into your heart from the moment he’d spoken to you. It was all you could think about while Bri had been telling you about her new boy.

“Yeah, Matty, thanks,” Bri said as she took another puff from her cigarette. “Sooo,” she nudged you playfully, “what do you think of him?”

“He’s really nice. He asked a lot of thoughtful questions. He seems like a nice person…” you said, a little too swept away in it all to expand just yet.

“Aaaaaand…?” Bri prodded, wiggling her eyebrows at you knowingly. You knew she wouldn’t stop until you told her what she wanted to hear.

“Well, he’s quite handsome…” you admitted.

“Well that’s very kind of you to say,” you heard him say behind you.

You froze, locking your eyes on a skyscraper ahead of you as Bri whipped her head round to see who had spoken, but you already knew. You didn’t need to look.

“Hi there, I’m Matty,” he offered his hand kindly, stepping closer to where you sat. You couldn’t look at him- you were too mortified.

“I’m Brianna,” Bri responded, trying to stifle her laugh as she shook his hand. She failed pretty miserably. You shoved her, momentarily satisfied by her yelp of protest, but were soon dissatisfied when Matty caught your eye. He was too far from you. You knew then that any distance between you two, no matter how small, would leave you wholly dissatisfied- forever.

“There’s only a few minutes left until midnight- Mia’s been gathering everyone in the living room for the big moment…” he said bashfully, gesturing behind him at the party with his thumb, then ran his fingers through his hair. You remembered how he did it earlier and how the flip-flop in your stomach was only stronger the second time. Pitiful, how obsessed you were with this stranger you barely knew.

“A few minutes?!” Bri exclaimed, hopping up in shock. “I need to go find Robbie!”

You both watched as Bri trotted off the patio and back into the depths of the party to find Robbie.

Once again you were enveloped in silence, the presence of Matty turning the air around you electric.

“Can I join you?” Matty asked, pointing at the now empty seat beside you, “-unless you’d rather go back to the party?”

“No, no,” you said, shuffling yourself to the side to make room for him where you’d sat up against Bri previously. “Sit,” you offered.

Matty sat down next to you, your legs almost touching, and you could tell by the look on his face he was mulling something over.

“I’m sorry for interrupting you and Brianna,” he said, his eyes sincere with apology.

“Oh, it’s totally fine,” you said as you offered him your cigarette. He accepted it gladly, and you tried not to let his hollowing cheeks and furrowing brow distract you too much as you spoke, “Bri would have killed me if she missed this midnight kiss thing. She seems a bit obsessed with her partner.”

“And you?” Matty asked suddenly, his lips parting softly, their pinkness framed gloriously by the smoke that trailed out of his perfect mouth. You froze, hoping dearly that it was dark enough for your now blushing cheeks to go unnoticed.

“I’m… happy,” you managed to say, internally relieved you didn’t say what you actually wanted to say which was that obsessed wasn’t a strong enough word for the infatuation you felt towards him from the moment you met.

“Happy? Oof, well I’m definitely convinced now…” he said teasingly with a chuckle as he handed you back the cigarette.

“No, no! I’m very happy, genuinely! I’m sorry, I can be so thick sometimes…” you said as you shook your head, taking another drag of your cigarette.

“It’s okay, I’m happy too,” he said with a breathtaking smile, leaning closer to you. You were surprised you had anything in your lungs to exhale. “I’m… I came out here to confess something to you actually,” he said timidly.

“And what was that?” You gulped, offering him the cigarette again. He reached to take it from you, but as he took the cigarette with one hand, his other cupped yours, his fingers closing around your palm.

“I was hoping it would land on you,” he said, his eyes looking down at your hands. “The bottle, I mean. I wanted it to be you,” he said as his eyes finally flicked up to meet yours.

Your head spun, but you knew it wasn’t a head rush. It was love. And how stupid could you be, thinking that what you felt with this handsome rockstar who'd spent the entire evening being devoured by everyone's hungry eyes, who couldn't possibly be as besotted as you, was love?

But, to hell with it. It was New Year's Eve and you hadn’t kissed anyone in ages and this boy was here by choice, saying kind things to you. Who were you to say no to a little holiday romance, even if it meant you were certain to be left with a broken heart.

You leaned into him, just slightly, but that was all he needed. He smiled as he put his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest.

“15… 14…” you heard people chanting from the living room, the numbers growing in volume as midnight came closer and closer.

“Matty,” you said quietly. His eyes turned to meet yours as he nodded, squeezing your hand with attentiveness.

“I’m glad we got stuck with each other,” you whispered, leaning deeper into him.

He utterly beamed at your words, slowly lowering his face towards yours.

“I’m glad we didn’t get chosen,” he said, his breath lapping delicately at your lips, less than an inch away now as they hovered close to your skin. His lips brushed against yours, and he whispered, “I much prefer fate.”

“Happy New Year!” Everyone yelled in chorus as midnight struck, but neither of you heard them. You’d been swept away to another dimension, the moon, sun and stars all swirling around you as you kissed, your lips like long-lost lovers from a past life, pressing confession after confession into each other. Your arms wrapped around one another, the feeling of relief sweeping through your body.

Finally.

You could feel your body sigh. It felt like you were meant to do this all along. And somehow, weeks before Matty would confirm this himself, you could tell that he felt the same way as you.

Now, almost exactly one year later, you sat in Matty’s car you'd driven over alone to your works parking lot, reminiscing about last year as you were about to walk into what was bound to be a nightmare.

The tips… The tips…

You remind yourself as you ask yourself for the billionth time why oh why you’re opting to miss your first New Years Eve together with Matty as a couple.

You inhale deeply, then exhale, watching your breath dissipate in the cold air as you grab your bag and walk out into the snow covered parking lot.

This better be worth it…

You grumble to yourself internally.

#fanfic #lovers #matty healy #fanfiction #the 1975 #at their very best #love #matty the 1975 #bfiafl #tender #trumanblack #matty healy fanfiction #matty 1975 #matty #the 1975 fanfic #holiday #new years eve

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bridgertonandchocolate · 11 months

Text

Tudum happened yesterday and we didn’t get nearly what I expected to get. And I honestly was incredibly disappointed because I had such high expectations. I feel like Netflix just messes with us all the time. However…

I’m going to relish in what they did give us. Mama Nic knows what we all need and I know she was dropping hints and all kinds of things yesterday. Everybody see the non spoiler spoiler of “Luke and I broke a piece of furniture”? Too good.

There were also non confirmed rumors and things floating around that I suppose are worth mentioning and I don’t know if we believe them or not even though most leaks end up being correct where Netflix is concerned:

1. Potential 12/14/23 release date. Netflix Portugal posted the first stills of season 3 along with this date which was quickly deleted. They have done this before so…if it ends up being 12/14 we have to find ways to entertain ourselves for the next 5-6 months.

2. Potential 10 episodes? There was an article floating around with captions of which episodes they were from. The one picture said it was from episode 10. After checking IMDb it is still slated for 8 episodes and I honestly don’t think they have strayed from this. I’d love to have 10 episodes but I really think it ended up being a typo. The article was also edited and the caption now reads “in an episode” instead of “in episode 10”

Now onto my thoughts/analysis of the pictures.

1. They both look stunning. And I was so happy that out of the pictures we got they’re all just of them which I think really means they’re hyping up this romance. There weren’t pictures of like Portia or other minor/major characters and I would have felt incredibly jipped if they had gone that way.

2. Not necessarily about the stills but Nicola invited us along in the carriage ride and my little Polin heart almost exploded. We are definitely getting the carriage scene. I’m living for it. There was no mention of mirrors but she did also mention fans of the books know what she’s talking about and what we’re in for so…I’d say mirrors are going to be big in season 3.

3. The first picture and the last picture show Pen in the same dress. The news article reported this as being from episode 2 so…if we already get a kiss in episode 2 I may 🪦 on the spot.

4. I’m thinking these stills are all from episodes early on in the season. The picture of Colin solo we know will be from episode 1 as he’s returning from abroad. The only one I’m not sure about is the one where they’re smirking at each other. I’d love to think that maybe this is them post marriage but I don’t think it is. Time will tell. I’m wondering if this is more of a day party (maybe with an eclaire?!?!) I’d love it.

Here are the pictures:

#bridgerton #polin #bridgerton season three #it’s polin season #the polin era #bridgerton season 3 #romancing mister bridgerton #luke newton #nicola coughlan #polinators #colin and penelope #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington

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javipispunk · 9 months

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Burn the Breeze {Obi-Wan Kenobi}

Part Five | Previous Part | Next Part

Summary: Modern AU where Obi-Wan (Ben) and Anakin are sheriffs that come to your small town to take down the corrupt rancher Dooku. Ben is Sheriff and Anakin is a deputy, same sort of dynamic they have in AOTC

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x f!reader

Warnings: implied nudity, anxiety, crime, alcohol, missing person, death, a smidge of fluff

Word Count: 1.1K

It was finally quitting time. You’d had a long day and were ready to grab a glass of wine, take a bath and blast some Shania Twain. When you got into your house you took off your dirty work clothes and wrapped yourself in a towel. After you turned the bath’s water on you brought your old cassette player into the bathroom. You thought 90’s country sounded better on cassette tapes. It reminded you of being a kid dancing around the kitchen without a care in the world. Quickly you drank a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and poured another before you got into the water. Once you sank in you could feel calm wash over you. Your mind drifted to Ben. Then almost as if you willed it your phone rang, it was him.

“Hello” you said into the phone

“Hello there, are you busy?”

“Kinda, I’m taking a bath.”

He coughed, “oh.” You laughed, he was obviously flustered. You waited for him to continue. “I uh just wanted to let you know that we have an update about the fire.” He coughed again.

“Oh what happened?”

“It looks like it was arson.”

Your heart dropped, so much for taking a relaxing bath. You figured it was arson but you still didn’t want that to be true. “Do you know who did it yet then?”

“No. No we don’t.”

“Is Bill okay?”

Ben paused again. “That’s the problem. We still don’t know where he is.”

You didn’t know what to say, so you said as much. “Will you keep me updated?” You asked

“Of course. I’ll let you get back to what you were doing” he said. You frowned when he hung up, when you saw his name on your phone you wanted to be flirtatious, but the vibe was killed pretty quickly. At this point the water was cold so you decided to get out. Arson and a missing person, what was happening? You had to admit you were scared. Your neighbor Bill was a by the books type of guy and you worried that he had tried to stop some of the corruption in the cattle industry.

The anxiety carried on for the rest of the day. By the time you were in bed you were so paranoid that something was going to happen to you. Ben had told you that Anakin was on protection detail for Senator Amidala but you kind of wanted your own bodyguard too. Well mostly you wanted Ben as a bodyguard, not necessarily to protect you but just so you could spend time with him. He was obviously a very busy man and probably wouldn’t spend his time ‘protecting’ somebody not very important. Senator Amidala made sense, but you on the other hand, not so much. But he thought you were gorgeous and were wondering what he would do for you. You were wondering if it was just physical attraction or something more. Either way you had to take a chance on him right? You just didn’t even know how you would go about it. Maybe you would stop into the office tomorrow morning, coffee in hand.

The next morning you were exhausted, after having barely slept. You felt like you barely slept anymore. You were grumpy and had so much to do so bringing the boys coffee was out of the question. You hurriedly made your own coffee as you changed and pulled your boots on. There was a chill in the air, one that was much welcome as it had been a very hot summer. After throwing on a flannel you made your way over to your truck. Once you got in you checked the news. The first headline you saw made your heart quicken. Body Found in Arson Investigation. You didn’t even want to open the article, but you did anyways. You felt numb as you read through it, struggling to read each sentence. Bill was found dead in Colorado, shot execution style. The article didn’t outright say that Dooku had anything to do with it but they hinted at it. Apparently Bill had written to a congressman explaining that Dooku was manipulating the cattle market to make a profit and beat out his competitors using illegal means such as loan sharking. That's a big accusation, especially out here. It’s not like the streets of New York in the 70’s when everyone was caught up in that sort of thing.

On cue you got a call from Ben. He wanted to give you a heads up that a Detective from Denver would be coming to speak with you, you were Bill’s closest neighbor after all. You admitted to Ben that you were scared, you’d never been questioned by the police before.

“It’ll be alright.” Ben assured you. You wanted to hug him, to feel his arms around you, making you feel safe. “You didn’t do anything, he just wants information. He’s not out to get you.”

That made you feel a little better. “When is he coming?” you asked.

“Later this afternoon,” he said. “You should drop by the office, that way I’ll be in the back if you need me.”

“Thank you.” He was going to stick around to make sure you were okay, your heart swelled. If you hadn’t over heard him the day prior you might have thought that he was just being nice. But it felt like he wanted to be around you just as much as you wanted to be around him. He was keeping you updated on an investigation that you were barely a part of, that had to mean something right? You could be getting your news just like everybody else, from the paper or TV. He also gave you plenty of hours heads up for your meeting with the detective, he didn’t have to do that either.

You ran a couple errands before you headed over to the office. You went early, hoping to get some reassuring words from Ben. When you walked in he was the only one there, like he knew you were going to be early.

You gave him a look and said “This is too much for me.”

He walked closer to you, “I know.” Then he wrapped you in a hug, sinking into him, wanting to be as close as possible without being weird. Then unexpectedly he kissed the top of your head. With that you hugged him tighter, he reciprocated. All too quickly you had to break apart. Then he held your shaking hand, walked you over to a chair and sat with you, your hands still intertwined until the detective came.

#obi wan kenobi #obi wan x reader #star wars au #star wars fanfiction #obi wan kenobi x reader #ben kenobi #obi wan kenobi fanfiction

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his-red-right-hand · 5 months

Text

Chapter 4

An excerpt from notes found written on a yellow legal pad:

I should be mad. I should be furious. Had to rewrite my fucking article.

I never have to change my articles.

Girl came in and fucked up my design, should’ve slit her throat the moment I saw her. Dumb bitch didn’t even have the sense to run. But she sounded so fucking pretty begging for me to kill her though. Looked pretty with her blood all over her too. And when she started crying, fuck.

Had half a mind to shove her down onto her knees and make her beg for my cock, choke her on it until she passed out. Fuck her throat until I finish.

Might do it later, when there’s no risk of being caught. Hell, she wants to die so bad, might as well make herself useful beforehand. Don’t know if I want to gut her or fuck her. Maybe both. Either way, I’ll be rearranging her guts.

She met Jed at the hospital today, she lied to him as well as the cops. Cute she’s already willing to lie for me. And her advice for people to run from me? Is she trying to get on my good side?

Oh, and that little “off the record” confession? Too sweet. Idiot never noticed I didn’t turn off the tape recorder, so I can listen to her say it over and over. Oh, and I intend to.

Meant what I told her though, going to have a long game with her. Even if I did want to fuck her on that hospital bed after she admitted her death wish so nicely. Gonna masturbate to her picture again, maybe as I watch her sleep. Got to keep in control, no matter how tempting it is to just take what I want now. Gotta enjoy the chase first.

Found out from her nurse that she’s getting discharged tomorrow, so I’ll look around her house tonight, see what I can find. Then do a check in with the next name on the list to make sure nothing’s changed, going to be abandoning them for a bit. This new design is going to take some time to plan, but the execution is going to be a helluva good time.

Lives in a fairly shitty one bedroom house, but the backyard’s big and backs onto the woods. Plenty of nice spots to keep watch from, a good view into her bedroom and living room. A little sad there’s nowhere to get a good view into her bathroom, but you can’t have everything.

Backdoor key is hidden under a painted rock next to a chair and a little table: roach in an ashtray. Might be an option to fuck with her there - depends on what her consumption is like.

Inside is cheap everything, a lot of mismatched flea market furniture, except the stereo. And she has a lot of vinyl. Rearranged a few just to fuck with her a little. A pile of mix tapes in a box, all labelled in the same handwriting, so either she makes them or knows one person who does.

Kitchen cupboards were mostly empty, a bunch of instant ramen and some jiffy pop. Fridge was mostly take away containers. She had left milk out on the side that had gone bad. Disposed of it for her, I’m not a complete monster.

Bedroom had some nice discoveries, a bullet vibe in a drawer next to some Clive Barker novel with a few bookmarks. My girl is a freak. Knew I had good taste.

Thought about stealing some of her panties, but I think I’ll wait until she’s back and I can take the pair she was wearing when we met. I’m a romantic like that.

She’s got lots of books, but the dust on the bookcase shows she wasn’t lying about not reading much lately. What the fuck else was she doing?

Whole place has the vibe of a shut-in. The couch looks like she sleeps on it most nights, pizza boxes all around it. Sleeping pills on the coffee table, some heavy duty stuff. Definitely something to mess with in future.

Found her Blockbuster rentals, The Evil Dead and Silence of the Lambs. Hid that one, she should only be thinking about one killer. Maybe I’ll return it for her, it’ll spare her a late fee as well as fuck with her head a bit. Still a bit of a monster.

I was watching when she came home. She checked the front blinds, but didn’t bother with the back windows. Then again I’m the only one here watching. Gave me a nice show, walking around naked for me except for the bandage. Want to see her without it, want to see her with my marks on her. Want to give her so many more.

Watched her get stoned in her backyard wearing just a t-shirt. A guy would normally have to pay for the shows she keeps giving me, can’t wait until she does it knowing I’m watching her. Took some pictures, a few in her natural environment to go with that cute little polaroid I got of her all bloody when we first met.

Hasn’t seemed to notice anything I moved yet, or if she has she’s explaining it away to herself. Gonna have to amp that up over time, until she knows it’s me. Not sure about her taste in music, a bit maudlin for my tastes, but it was kinda catchy in a sad way.

She called a few people, her boss and a couple of friends, they were the only ones who had left her messages. Glad I got the tap set up, gotta keep track of my favourite girl’s social life, doesn’t she know there’s a killer loose? Don’t think she calls the friends often though, which is good for me. They won’t miss her so much once I start taking up her time. And if they do, I can always get rid of the answer machine tapes.

She ended up falling asleep on the couch to The Evil Dead, looking all cute and pouty lying there. Wanted to go in and take those panties, but decided not to risk it just yet. Don’t know how deeply she sleeps. She’s going to work tomorrow, I can come back on Jed’s lunch break and get them then. Maybe do a little more rearranging, maybe leave a present or two. After all, I gotta treat my girl right, don’t I?

Maybe she’d like the pictures I just took of her sleeping, nice and close up through the unlocked backdoor, her shirt riding up enough that you can see where those legs end, and it is quite the view. Such a little exhibitionist for me.

Oh, we’re going to have so much fun together.

#ghostface x reader #ghostface #dead by daylight #dbd #fiction #danny johnson #danny jed olsen johnson

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medicaldoctordana · 7 months

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Fictober 2023 3/31

we were robbed of a Mulder and Melissa friendship RIP a spooky legend

Crystal Beaded Necklace read on ao3

Mulder rounded the corner at his favorite bookstore. His copy of Immortal Souls: Guide to the Forever Lived was finally in. And he was hoping to find another few books to take home with him for his latest case research.

Turning into the creatures section at his local occult book shop, he ran into a person he did not expect to run into– Scully.

“Fox,?” Signature Scully red hair was up in a low-hanging bun. The woman wore a long dress and strings of beads and rocks like scarves.

“Melissa,” Mulder kindly regarded his partner’s sister. They had met a few times before. He might have thought she was a little hokey, but then again, so was he.

“Fox, it’s nice to see you out and about. Dana talks about how reclusive you seem. I wish you’d accept her invite to dinner more often.” Melissa clutched the books in her arms into her chest, hoping she was pushing him toward her sister, rather than away.

Mulder let off a contradictory chuckle and pointed to the book in her arm, “Is that On The Immortal?”

The older Scully sister nodded in affirmation. “Last copy too, I guess it’s a popular seller.”

They danced around each other in the small aisle when Mulder crouched down to check the shelf for one maybe hiding.

“Damn, I really need to read Frothman’s article before tomorrow. This is the only store for miles that has it in stock. Any chance I could bum it off you?” Mulder put on his expression that always got the other Scully to follow him to even the coldest places.

“Sorry, Fox,” Melissa seemed genuinely sorry she couldn’t loan out her book. “I need it for my Wiccan group’s meeting tonight. We’re discussing the social and moral implications of eternal life. This book contains the only published work on Bouchant Trayvon.”

Mulder spun around in a dramatic fashion like that was the exact article he needed too. He was starting to feel desperate and jealous, emotions that were oh so familiar around Scully women.

“How about this,” Mulder tapped the front cover of the book and turned on the charms that usually worked on those Scully women. “I buy the book and a coffee, we both read it and discuss the great Bouchant Trayvon over aforementioned coffee- tea if you prefer, and you take the book home with you and to your meeting and wherever else your heart desires.”

“Are you sure you don’t need the book? I’m sure there’s a copy store open nearby, or I could call up my friend that has a good memory enchantment? It worked wonders for me when we had the big Scully family reunion with our Irish side of the family. I swear, without it, I would have never remembered Aunt Olive’s great-niece's husband’s brother’s daughter’s name.” Melissa smiled at the memory and glitter seemed to radiate from her aura.

“No, I just need to read it once,” Mulder tapped his head and said, “It’s already been cursed,” he referred to his eidetic memory. “Plus, your sister’s inspired me by taking her all little notes,” he procured a small notepad from his back pocket. “I rarely leave the office without it anymore. Just in case Scully needs to jot something down.”

“That sounds like Dana,” Melissa laughed, a sound both familiar and foreign to Mulder’s ears. He had heard the other Scully’s laugh a time or two before, but in their line of work, it was rare. Her older sister’s voice was so close to hers. The cadence and timber were nearly identical, similar patterns having emerged from the same household. Mulder almost felt like cheating– researching a case with a Scully not named Dana… But what could he do? There was only one book.

Together, they walked to the register so Mulder could purchase a potential betrayal. Just one drink and one conversion, he kept telling himself, nothing more than innocent sleuthing into the history and mystery of a man who stayed young for 150 documented years. She’d never have to know and it’s not like she’d believe him anyway. About the coffee or the case.

“So, Melissa, how’d a good catholic girl like yourself get involved in the occult?”

“Oh, Fox. You are so mistaken if you think even for a second that us Scully women were ever good little catholic girls…”

#txf #the x files #fox mulder #mulder and scully #melissa scully #fictober23 #xf fanfic #fanfic #xfiles #mulder

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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Hi, I have hard executive dysfunctions but had some (temporary) results using to-do apps and stuff. For everything, brushing teeth, eating, etc. But it always end (very quickly) by me adding 30+ to dos for a day and working 10 hours to get them done until I break down. I can't not do it. Once I think about it, there is sooo much to do, so much I neglected.

So I saw this nice bullet journal in a shop today and took it with me and need some ideas how to make it, to not end like the others:

I thought about a symptom part, how good did I sleep, what mental health issues do I have, etc pp.

I am completely unsure if I should ad any "chore to-dos" or only self care/mental health ones. But even those feel like chores so...

And my energy level varies strongly so I thought about keeping it vague like idk "do one relaxing thing"-like maybe. So I could decide on that day, what I think I will get done. But that's pretty unsatifying.

Ah and, as much as I love such book and diaries etc, writing it down feels like a chore too so... It sounds worse than it is, I had some results but everything in this world sounds like a chore so I am unsure how to make this fun and manageable and neither go to the extreme nor give up.

Give me all your ideas and examples and plans.

Hi anon,

As soon as I saw your ask I just knew I wanted to answer it ~ I have ADHD, but because of other chronic health issues - I cannot take stimulant medications for it and rely on my adaptations to manage symptoms (and yup, some of my mental energy does get used up doing it this way - but it is possible for some of us!). I wanted to start by sharing some resource links and articles first:

The Best Work Schedule for ADHD Brains: Flexible or Rigid? (with resources at the end, and lots of reflections from a variety of folks who benefit from both - great starting point to see which style resonates with you)

Adults With Executive Function Disorder (scroll about halfway down for tips and resources)

Tips and Tricks for Executive Function Disorder (geared towards the caretaker of a child with it, but still impactful suggestions, including movement breaks and reward systems)

Executive Function Disorder: Bullet Journal (one person’s personal bullet journal and how an adaptable reward system - shaped like a bingo card - really helped them)

But also wanted to share what I use/tell myself throughout the day/week to help: (under the cut to help avoid the post getting super long)

I personally use an adapted planner for the overall schedule, it’s got enough blank spaces where if I want to “change it up” I can do that week to week, but in general this is the place where I store my overall monthly calendar and every Sunday night write out my week ahead of “big things” (apps, time sensitive errands, etc).

I take a picture of my monthly calendar, as well as my weekly so even if I’m out and about I can quickly refer to it if someone asks about a date - versus saying “I’ll check my calendar later and get back to you” . . . and then - never doing it, whoops!

People in my life are used to it by now, but essentially if someone tells me something like “next weekend is so and so’s birthday” - I’ll take a moment to set an alarm reminder to add it to my calendar when I’m home, and or make a text message note on my phone, and set an alarm that essentially reads “don’t forget to add your text notes to the calendar” (some days I can have like fifteen alarms going off throughout the day, but this way I also manage to add the information I need to, versus feeling like I’m constantly forgetting something, or worse, expending limited mental energy constantly cycling through a “don’t forget don’t forget don’t forget” concentration).

I timeblock my day every morning before everyone else is awake, for example: 7 to 8 - studies, 9 to 10 - social, and so on. By doing it every day, I can refer back to it throughout the day and adjust as needed but also not plan too far ahead with no adaptability to changing circumstances. I also ensure that for a chunk of “serious chores” I also schedule in what I like to call “serotonin boosts” - whether that’s some friends time, or creative time, whatever sparks joy for you. There have definitely been days where I felt like I could not do one more email - and then reminded myself that as soon as I got through the five I scheduled myself for, then I could draw for an hour (a basic ‘this, then that’ reward system). Suddenly, I manage to push through it, and often quicker than I had originally thought it would take - allowing me to have even more time with something that brings joy.

If I have to be somewhere at a certain time, I set several alarms, almost like a countdown

I like to use fun color pens, or even pens with like fuzzy balls, or some other sort of stimming part to it as I work - it allows me a moment to stim if I need it, even when I’m tackling the “boring brain dump” stuff.

No amount of telling my brain “just do it” for twenty minutes is going to magically create the dopamine/serotonin it needs to do the thing. So if a reward isn’t working, I get up and move with a timer to get it going that way, and then try again.

I’m sure there’s plenty more ideas/tips/tricks - anyone stumbling on this, please feel free to comment, reblog, and add to it, but I hope it’s a helpful start for you and anyone else out there looking for adaptions. - Mod Kat

#trauma talks #mod kat #executive function disorder

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mwebber · 9 months

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heyyy i was wondering if u saw marks story around .. 10 hours ago, before he deleted it. it was this reel https://www.instagram.com/reel/CvLWrV3vOr3/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

and obvs he must’ve seen how stupid it was to post that to his story or something but he still liked the post and idk …

i didn’t because i don’t check instagram lmao but ahh hm. how do i address this in a nuanced way.

for context, the vid is a clip of polish european parliament member dominik tarczyński from 2021 in the middle of a debate on the rule of law conditionality mechanism, which to my understanding (in incredibly dummy terms) was the european commission trying to find a way to penalize increasingly conservative places hungary and poland by taking away budget in the condition that such places violated their articles and whatnot. tarczyński obviously goes on the defensive and says that poland rejects the commission’s “leftist ideals” and to focus instead on sweden and germany who have uhhhh allegedly an increased crime rate because of [checks notes] illegal migrants. you can read the whole thing here.

now, mark agreeing with this isn’t like… surprising? our boy literally simped for jordan peterson at one point. but from having grown up conservative, i can tell you that the line of thinking here probably isn’t “i am islamophobic and racist and think all immigration is bad!” it’s more likely that mark subscribes to the rhetoric that immigration needs to be “selective” so that countries can let in the “right quality” of person. this of course is directly tied to the notion that nonwhite people (plus or minus east asians depending on what benefits white supremacy more) aren’t qualified people (or people at all), not even getting into the question of whether the concept of citizenship should even exist. but deconstructing that idea, especially when it’s something that seems so fundamentally innocent and basic—à la “yeah, you shouldn’t let everyone into a country, there should be some regulation”—requires a level of effort and prompting that i’m not sure mark is equipped to tackle, at least not in the communities he’s in/with the people he publicly surrounds himself by.

i will say that instagram/socmed activity isn’t a complete measure of someone’s political or moral compass. like, the chance that mark watched the reel without any of the context, thought it was poland sticking up for itself, posted to his story, and someone else pointed out that it was a stupid racist nonsensical take so he took it down… is not non-zero. alternatively, he could have googled it and thought hm, maybe i don’t want to put in my two cents on european union politics. who knows! only he does.

but i think that all brings me to my main gripe with fandomization of a real person, and the whole thing where we treat these men like fictional characters. it’s easy to fall into the whole fanon thing and think that mark’s offenses are just, y’know, being a “proud heterosexual” and that his laundry list of crimes ends at a couple of stupid misconstrued tweets. and we can add all the context we like of rising transphobia/the phenomenon of trans people as a scapegoat for the right/etc, but i don’t think anything excuses this man for his ignorance and the very real pain he has brought on the community time and time again.

that said, he’s not evil personified. yes, he double tapped a reel on a polish mep scapegoating immigrants. yes, he said jordan peterson’s bullshit book was good. yes, he made a distasteful jab at trans people. he’s still also just a guy who likes animals. he’s still also the bitchy freak we fell for. he’s still also human with family he clearly adores and a compelling life story.

the bigger question is, where do you, personally, draw the line? when do his wrongdoings exceed your tolerance?

to be frank, i’m not entirely sure why you came to me with this—whether you were looking for validation, or for me to jump on demonizing him, or whatever. i have laid out my personal and everchanging opinion of him in painstaking detail on this account, but they’re my opinions based on what i can stand to tolerate. if you vibe with that, cool! but if this has pushed you over your line, that’s equally valid and okay. i’d support anybody saying they’ve decided to stop being a fan, i get it.

bottom line is this: he’s a real person. he’s not going to be someone you like 100% of the time, because nobody ever is. you need to make your own choices here, and whatever you’re comfy with, that’s your path.

#inbox

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blysse-and-blunder · 1 year

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first commonplace book of 2023

monday, january 9, 2023 ~ 6:30pm pst

back ‘at home’ (parents’ place) after a lil trip to see family, during which our flight was cancelled (us and the rest of the world) and we consequently got to spend a total of like 48 hours in the car roundtrip. new year’s at the shore was nice though, and so was roadtrip tunes and reading aloud and the very epic puzzle the family completed.

reading i’m juggling a couple of hot library loans right now, trying to finish them before the loan periods expire while also balancing each one’s tone and vibe etc. so it’s the monster baru cormorant (seth dickinson) when i wake up, maybe you should talk to someone (lori gottlieb) during the day, and the last graduate (naomi novik) at bedtime, in what is a really weird stylistic and emotional smorgasbord now that i look at it... insights and observations to come later when i can focus on one specifically. also, big shoutout to the free knidle download of lord peter wimsey mysteries i already had, and to dorothy l. sayers’ way with words and her ridiculous delightful sweet fop of an amateur detective (and no i don’t mean benoit) who collects medieval manuscripts and quotes poetry every so often mid-sentence while periodically having intense wwi ptsd. every generation needs their fruity little detective, it’s a keystone species. reading this aloud to my mom in the car kept us both awake and discussing things like clues and the picture this paints of things like early 20th century london society’s antisemitism and train system and newspaper/ print culture.

watching just went back to check the previous ilcb and while i did mention this show, i didn’t feature it specifically so: three pines, based on the louise penny novel series of the same name, now streaming on prime. my mom loves the books, and now we’re all loving the show, and alfred molina is absolutely loving this role he gets to play (and it shows). you may feel that the premise of ‘small cute town full of local characters where murders keep happening’ has been done already, and you’d be right, but there’s something about seeing quebec on screen like this-- and the indigenous community’s strong presence from the first scene of the first episode-- that feels different, and important. the music design and landscape are great, the themes are very honest even when details or plot twists (the whodunnit of episodes 1 and 2, and the tragic twist at the end of ep 2) end up feeling a little exaggerated. here are some good articles about the show’s attempts to center indigenous voices, bring topics like residential school violence and indigenous treatment by police to international audiences, and (arguable, but i respect them for the attempt) avoid white saviorism.

also, you may have deduced from the recent glass onion blogging that i did finally get to watch knives out 2 electric boogaloo. things i liked about this movie: 1) the response to it/analyses of it/art and memes and edits which i can now enjoy having seen it (the one which observes that the movie itself is a fugue, seriously, i love how much everyone else has been loving this and it has made it so much better), 2) the celebrity cameos (yo-yo ma! hugh grant! stephen sondeheim!?) and watching janelle monae, 3) the visual palette and coloring and lighting and design choices, 4) PEG, 5) finding out at the end that it’s a beatles song reference. i think that i had seen just enough on my dash to have....overly high expectations in some regards, though not specific spoilers so i was still Not Expecting That.

listening got to play a bunch of my music in the car on the roadtrip, so here’s to my mom deciding she likes orville peck (more than hozier!? who is apparently too sad) and my dad enjoying basia bulat’s the garden, and here’s to all the audiobooks, and audiobook recommendations i got from friends, which i gathered optimistically pre-trip and still haven’t finished. so far i’m really enjoying t.j. klune’s through the whispering door (read by kirt graves), which feels both like a more mature and creative venture than his first book and which this narrator is doing a delightful job of (i think the sense of whimsy comes through better when mediated by narrator, it infuses depth/warmth/nuance into details that i think on their own might have rubbed me the wrong way).

and today i just finished listening to jeannette mccurdy’s i’m glad my mom died, which is a harrowing memoir but also was so riveting. she reads it herself, and again having her specific voice and delivery of some of the dialogue was so, so necessary and heartbreaking and occasionally hilarious, it really adds to the experience. major trigger warnings on this one for descriptions (detailed, visceral) of disordered eating, various mental health problems, alcohol abuse, child abuse, and painstaking personal growth. big shoutout to @dimir-charmer for recommending this one, i was immediately hooked, you were so right.

playing stardew year three, and i’ve bought a bouquet. her art exhibit was so nerdy, i loved it. just waiting for the right time to pop the question ❤️ (probably after my next house upgrade)(is this delaying a sign of cold feet, or just wanting to only offer her the best?? i’ve already got 8 hearts it’s probably fine but ahhhhh)

i’ve also figured out (kinda) how to run celeste on this laptop! and immediately threw my poor sweet girl onto many, many icy spikes. again. and again. this one is not a keyboard game, friends, i’m trying lots of different key configurations to try and make it one but i think at the end of the day we’re going to need a controller of some kind. beautiful though.

making spent a lot of yesterday selecting and writing new year’s cards while discovering the power of the background seinfeld marathon, alkj;lkjalskdg asd and i have other art and or craft plans afoot since having been presented with a calligraphy pen and some good paper. baked a gazillion molasses cookies before the trip, but have otherwise just been sort of coasting on creative things lately.

working on threw together a haphazard conference proposal as a way to make myself work on chapter four, and after spending all day staring at it finally just sent it off with the same idea i’d had days ago (but which i thought if i tried hard enough i might be able to improve on. alas.) otherwise, still chugging on recommendation letter (ah) and reading friend’s chapters (ahh) and coming up with things to say for that thing in february (AH) and RAship hours. we’re back to the grind, baby.

#in lieu of a commonplace book #ilcb #weekly roundup

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pizza-games-and-more · 1 year

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The final part of my Vigi Angst Fic I just wrote on a whim!

Hope you’re ready for an emotional rollercoaster of a finale! And despite splitting it, this is still the longest chapter!

Also, I’ll be making a post linking to all parts, as well as a version of this fic I’ll be posting to AO3! I hope people like it there too!

---

The following days, Noisette would return to check up on her new friend and get to know him more. The two ended up becoming really good friends already over the course of just a week.

All that time, however, he couldn't stop thinking about what happened that night. It haunted him just as much as his grandfather's death.

Eventually, he couldn't hold in his feelings much longer and confided in the only person he trusted.

"Noisette... Can I tell you something?" He sighed.

"What is it, Vigi?" She responded.

Oh yeah, she gave him the nickname 'Vigilante' when she found out his full name. Then she shortened that nickname to Vigi. She was... something.

"Well... you know how you found that straw hat and glasses in the river?" Vigert said. He then explained what happened right before she found him in the forest. Then, he described the weird experience he had that night.

"Hmmm... Maybe it was his ghost." Noisette suggested.

"You know, that's not the craziest possibility." Vigert sighed. He'd been coming up with all sorts of things, but none of them made much sense.

Noisette then laughed. "Sorry, I was just thinking about my boyfriend. He would have freaked if he was here, just from the word ghost alone."

Vigert couldn't help but smile. Noisette really did know how to brighten up any situation.

He couldn't ask for a better friend than her.

"In all seriousness, why don't you go there?" Noisette said.

Vigert hesitated, then answered. "I'm... scared. Even if that wasn't a ghost, I'm... worried that if I head there, I'll have to face... something I really don't wanna."

Noisette placed her hand on his slimy 'shoulder'. "Want me to come with you?"

That might not be a bad idea. If he had to face something awful, he at least had someone to come back to.

He searched his grandfather's keys for one to the shed. He was never allowed to go in there for the longest time. Why that was, his grandfather never told him. It was today that he was finally going to find out.

Vigert and Noisette stood outside the shed.

Vigert didn't know how to feel about the fact that someone he had just met a week ago was already potentially getting in on family secrets, but he continued anyway.

He took a deep breath and opened the door.

What he saw in there was... not what he expected. There were framed newspaper articles featuring a young Cheeseslime with a revolver. Said revolver was also in there, on top of a stool.

Vigert got closer to the articles while Noisette followed.

His hunch was confirmed when he started reading. It was none other than John E. Cheese in his younger years. He was apparently renowned for his gun skills and how he would fight criminals all on his own.

"You never told me your granddad was a badass!" Noisette said enthusiastically.

"I... didn't know." Vigert replied. He didn’t even know such people existed outside of books and TV shows.

All of a sudden, a cold wind entered the shed.

"Behind you." A familiar voice said.

Vigert turned around. It was his grandfather, in ghostly form. So Noisette was right all along...

"Granddad!" He clumsily and hastily approached the ghost, as if he was possessed to do so.

"Calm down, son. Calm down." John put his ghostly hand on Vigert's side as the latter burst into tears. "I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner. I wasn't needed before. I can only come back when I'm needed."

Noisette stared at what was going on in awe. She knew it was a ghost, but she wasn’t expecting to actually see it!

“I see you came along too. Thank you for helping my grandson out. You’re a kind person, if a little... unique.” John told Noisette, before putting his attention back on Vigert.

Noisette then left the shed to give them a moment, but listened just outside.

"Why? Why did you..." Vigert started to ask between sobs but couldn't even finish his sentence.

“You’re still young.” John said, trying to dry his grandson’s tears. “You’ve got a full life ahead of you. Me? I’ve lived mine out for a while.”

He then pointed to the articles on the walls of the shed. “This is what I did with my life when I wasn’t much older than you. I wanted to show you when I felt you were ready. I figured showing you now would help you out.”

Vigert dried his tears. Even now, his granddad still wanted to help him?

“Don’t feel bad about what happened in the river. Honestly, I should’ve said something when you were climbing that tree. I just didn’t want to treat you like a child.” John assured Vigert.

He then attempted to pull his grandson into a hug. It obviously failed, but Vigert pretended to hug him back in response.

“Take my lucky revolver. Do whatever you want with it. And I’ll be there when you need me the most.” John said. “And I’ll always love you, no matter what you do.”

“I love you too, Granddad...” Vigert replied. It felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, getting to say that once more at last.

And with that, John E. Cheese vanished. Vigert no longer needed him right then.

“So, what are you gonna do with it?” Noisette asked, as Vigert left the shed.

Vigert looked at the revolver. He remembered the framed newspaper articles. Then he had an idea.

---

10 years later...

Vigert Ebenezer Lantte, now known around these parts as The Vigilante, was exhausted. How could he lose to this fat Italian criminal so badly? That was... easily the most humiliating fight he’d ever been through. Not to mention no one else was around to help him patch up his wounds.

Not only that, but that asshole had destroyed his farm, and then incapacitated his grandfather’s spirit as he tried to help in the fight. So yeah, he was naturally very pissed off.

He huffed as he made his way up to the fourth floor of the tower. That’s where Noisette set up her cafe. He’d made a promise to visit every day and goddamnit he was gonna keep that promise even if it killed him.

Once he got in, he was greeted by the lovely smell of Noisette’s coffee. Her food might be... questionable, but her coffee was still as good as ever.

Despite his injuries, he let himself relax.

“Long day, huh, Vigi?” Noisette said. She hadn’t changed in the slightest since they first met. Though he did learn of her more... peculiar habits. He was just honestly relieved that she remained friends with him after he got more aggressive over time.

“Hope your boyfriend does better...” Vigert sighed, getting up onto the counter stool he usually sat on.

“Oh, I’m almost certain Noise will! He hates him!” Noisette said in the most dissonantly cheerful way possible.

As Vigert sipped his coffee, he smiled. This was tough, but he’s handled worse.

And he’s not going to give up that easily. If everyone else fails, he’ll take him on again, and he won’t show any mercy this time.

#pizza tower #fic #character: the vigilante #character: noisette #character: john e. cheese #character: peppino #cw non comedic death #it's done!

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cishetamine · 1 year

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recently a friend asked me to come over to drop off my annotated copy of a book, and then we planned to kinda just hang out and check out the local bookstore and maybe get dinner or something.

this is a friend i like spending time with, and while we’ve only really hung out once before in person, our time together made a very positive impression on me!

anyway so after a couple times of planning to get together and then failing to do so, i finally make it over to their apartment and drop off the book. so far so good!

and we’re talking and it’s all very fun like before. we have a lot in common, & specifically they like to play Philosophy Debate with me, which is a game that i don’t usually play that much bc most people—including many ppl i consider otherwise very good friends!—tend to find it annoying.

so then we head over to the bookstore. and at first it’s all great—we start browsing, not really looking for anything in particular. But gradually i start feeling like i’m carrying more and more of the conversation, until eventually i start to get the sense that they don’t want to talk to me anymore.

we each find a book—fittingly, mine is a stray from the philosophy section, even though i basically only ever read fiction books these days.

(it’s weird, most of the short-form stuff i read is nonfiction—essays, articles, etc—but most of the long stuff i read is fiction. like i’m honestly not sure if i’ve read a nonfiction book all the way through since college?! which hasn’t been all that long, but still!)

anyway so my friend also gets a book, i forget what, i think it was mao? or they were just looking for mao. Anyway we check out and leave and then as we’re walking back to their apartment they tell me that while they were in the bookstore they got an email.

me : !??

anyway basically this email means that they need to be alone for a while. and so we can’t get dinner or anything that day, and i have no idea when (if ever) i’ll even see them again.

i kinda tried to politely ask them what the email was about, but they said they’d rather not say, so i used their bathroom, got on the bus, and left.

and i felt really bad for them, bc what the fuck kind of email could that even be?!! did their parent or sibling die?? did they not get into the grad program they really wanted? i wanted to give them a hug; i don’t remember if i actually did or not.

i hope they’re okay.

but now i’m left wondering: If i just wanted to get someone to give me their book and then leave, wouldn’t that be kinda the perfect setup?

Pretend everything is normal and then as soon as you’ve gotten what you wanted out of the situation, come up with an excuse to leave?

i don’t want to assume the worst, and i’m honestly not even sure if they’re capable of that level of guile.

But i know i am! like that’s a seinfeld/curb episode plot right there if i’ve ever heard of one. and it’s something i could do, though i don’t imagine i’d relish it—albeit mostly bc i’d be scared of getting caught rather than bc i think it’s inherently wrong.

anyway..if you’ve read this far:

What, if anything, should i do?

like i guess i should assume they’re telling the truth and that there really was an email and i should feel sad about their secret dead sister or whatever.

but if there wasn’t an email at all…well then damn, that would suck too but in a much dumber and pettier way!

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 1 year

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I scan the front page of Chortle every couple of days or so; I realize it’s not the best website in the world, has a bunch of flaws including its genuinely weird number of spelling errors (honestly, at this point I’m more confused about how they get away with that than I am annoyed about it, it’s a professional website, I know my own Tumblr blog is full of typos but it wouldn’t be if someone were paying me to write this shit), but it’s not a bad way to keep up with what major comedy things are going on. Usually there’s nothing interesting, but I’m just often enough alerted to some livestreamed event or some new show or comedy special or interesting bit of news to keep checking. I want to find out about new developments from somewhere, and I’d rather read a weirdly error-ridden website than start looking at Twitter regularly.

Couple of weird ones that jumped out at me today. It was mainly the usual stuff: here are the eight new comedians who’ve started a podcast in the last three days, here’s who’s hosting Have I Got News For You, here’s another update on the plot of The Windsors for some reason, here’s an interview with a guy who wrote a book that doesn’t look interesting.

But one article did catch my eye where I knew I was playing into the attention-grabbing culture war gossip by even clicking on it, but I did it anyway, and that led to something I’ve never expected to happen: I found myself agreeing with Leo Kearse. Who knew that was possible?

And now I’m giving this absolute bullshit further attention by writing about it, which I’m only justifying on the grounds that hardly anyone’s going to see this post and among those people none will care, and I just need to rant somewhere that yes, obviously Leo Kearse is right. Seriously, I believe Leo Kearse is right about something. It is ridiculous to be willing to appear on a Comedy Unleashed show, and then start drawing lines because you think some of the other performers are bigots. Not even because you can’t do one thing wrong and then still have standards – that’s fine. I enjoy some things that could be justifiably criticized as problematic; I reserve the right to dislike other, much worse things for being more problematic. But Comedy Unleashed’s entire ethos is that nothing is too problematic. That any objection to any level of bigotry is an attack on free speech. You can’t sign onto to that ethos and then still try to have principles. You can’t join something that advertises itself as being a safe space for racists and sexists and homophobes and transphobes and just general assholes, and then be surprised that there are bigots in there. For the same reason that you can’t vote for the Leopards Eating People’s Faces Party and then be surprised when people make fun of you on Reddit.

And her excuse seems to be that she’s only been in the UK for four years and didn’t know what she was getting into, which reminds me of a quote from Alasdair Beckett-King from the final episode of Mock the Week: “What I don’t get about the Kwasi [Kwarteng] thing is, he was flown back from a meeting in America [to be fired], he was talking about the IMF, and I read that he didn’t know why he was being recalled to the UK, which is weird, because I knew.” That’s my answer to that excuse. I have spent zero years living the UK, and zero years being on the comedy circuit in the UK, and I know what Comedy Unleashed is. You can’t not know that before signing up with them.

I don’t even know who this person is and I’m not about to look her up or anything, so I realize I’m writing this post from a place of maybe not really knowing what I’m talking about, but I am agreeing with Leo Kearse so it’s a weird day to be me. And I’m sorry to give this even more attention but I just need to briefly disagree with Leo Kearse, even aside from the obvious bullshit of suggesting that “misogynist” means the same as “working class”, because what the fuck, trying to equate that shit with Frankie Boyle? Claiming that Frankie Boyle’s said bad things in the past so if you don’t forgive the past misdeeds of a guy who’s currently on GB News, you’re a hypocrite if you forgive Frankie Boyle, who’s currently, you know, not on GB News. When actually, now that you bring it up, Leo, shouldn’t the left’s current veneration of Frankie Boyle be evidence that this cancel culture doesn’t exist?

It's complicated with Frankie Boyle. He’s said some absolutely reprehensible things in the past, many of which he’s hasn’t officially apologized for. He’s said he thinks some of the things he used to say were wrong. He’s called them “indefensible”. And he’s stopped saying things like that. He’s talked at length about his thoughts on the responsibility of comedians to think about the harm they cause, and how he tries to do that in ways he didn’t before. But he hasn’t officially apologized.

Personally, I think that’s worth more than an apology; anyone can do the spectacle of an apology, but he skipped the spectacle and just started doing things differently. Having said that, I realize that could be a weak defense for how much I like a guy who said reprehensible things and hasn’t apologized. I’m not 100% confident that it's a good enough defense. But I like him despite not being okay with everything he’s ever said, and doesn’t that knock down all the outrage about cancel culture? If the left were out there canceling anyone who’s ever said anything wrong, Frankie Boyle would be done. In reality, the only people who’ve canceled Frankie Boyle are the conservatives in 2009 who couldn’t handle someone showing insufficient respect to the queen’s pussy, and the BBC in 2023 that, I’m not saying his political views were a factor, but if they were, then that wasn’t leftist outrage doing the cancelling.

You can’t have it both ways, guys. Either the leftists are unforgiving machines that will cancel anyone who’s ever made a mistake, or we’re massive hypocrites who will forgive the past misdeeds of people we like while unfairly condemning the past misdeeds of others. Or, maybe there’s a fucking difference between the past misdeeds of a guy who went on to use his platform for what Frankie Boyle does these days, and a guy who’s currently on GB News.

Fucking hell, this post has now taken up a little over a page in my Word document, I am genuinely sorry for letting terrible people take up this much of my attention (or at least sorry for admitting to it, normally if I’m going to hate read/watch things I have the sense to not post it on a blog), but while I’m already at this I may as well do one more. There’s another article on Chortle’s front page with the headline: Heckler throws pint at comedian's head, to which my first thought was, “Wow, that is damning indictment of the behaviour of post-lockdown audiences, what a terrible thing to do.” Then I read the name of the guy it happened to, and my first thought was, “Oh, that guy probably deserved it.”

In my defense, at the time I was picturing someone keeping the glass in their hand, and just throwing the beer onto him. I then actually watched the video, and yeah, okay, that was really fucking dangerous and not even that guy deserved that. I mean, fuck that guy. Honestly, fuck that guy. He is the absolute worst. This might be the most I have hated someone about whom I know so little. I have heard him talk for two hours in total – one hour on one podcast and one hour on another – and my God, he is the absolute worst. It’s honestly impressive how many different types of the worst he managed to be in only two hours. When I heard him talk to Stuart Goldsmith, he sucked so much that not only did I hate him, I also lost respect for Stuart Goldsmith for the crime of liking him, even though I’d really liked Stuart Goldsmith.

But yeah, don’t throw glassware at people. It occurred to me that he seems like the type of guy who might stage that for publicity, this is the first time I’ve seen his name on the front page of Chortle, but then I watched the video and that would be one hell of a risk if it were staged. It barely missed him, if he’d been a split second slower at dodging he’d have had injuries that were much too severe to be worth getting on the front page of the Chortle website for one day. That’s criminal assault. It’s telling that he cut out of the video of whatever he said to piss the audience member off so much, and I can easily imagine that whatever he said was very bad, but don’t commit criminal assault even if someone is the absolute worst (note: I’m talking about small-time comedians who say shitty things on stage, violent protests against massive corrupt systems and the people who create and run them are a different thing). Don’t make martyrs of terrible people. For the love of God, don’t make me agree with both Leo Kearse and David McSavage in one morning. Come on. Don’t fucking do that to me.

...Thank you for your time, I will now go back to trying not to give my energy or attention to this sort of bullshit, and if I do, at least trying not to admit it too often on a public blog, because I know that only makes it worse.

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hanaasbananas · 10 months

Text

Power to Play Chapter 2

A series of ficlets each based off a song from the McFly album Power to Play

AO3

Prev//Next

Land Of the Bees

“Thousands attended a vigil last night to–”

Click

“-relying on these so called superheroes has crippled our city and now we are seeing the conseq–”

Click

“hope for their safe return–”

Click

“-where are Ladybug and Chat Noir?”

Sighing frustratedly, Delphine switched off the TV and threw the remote across the sofa where it landed with a soft thunk. Ladybug and Chat Noir, Ladybug and Chat Noir. That was all anyone wanted to talk about these days and frankly, it was getting ridiculous. Nobody had seen them since that disastrous akuma fight atop the Arc de Triomphe when the heroes and the akuma had disappeared in a strange blaze of light, leaving the city in ruins behind them.

Months later and people were still speculating about what had happened that day. Numerous articles and think pieces had been written, even more late night programmes had dissected every inch of footage available and still no-one seemed ready to accept what Delphine had believed from the very first day.

Ladybug and Chat Noir were gone. Whether they were dead, or something else had happened, it was clear to her that they would never return. It had been too long, for one thing, and even after they’d gone, there had been no miraculous cure to set things right. That, more than anything, had cemented her belief as she’d watched the city begin to slowly rebuild itself in the days and weeks that had followed.

The only saving grace was that Hawkmoth had seemed to recognise what Delphine did and had mercy on the Parisians, holding back on the akumas once it became clear that the heroes would not be coming out to play.

That grace period had come to an abrupt end last week, however, and Delphine had once again become used to hearing screams of terror as people ran for their lives from an akuma.

I wonder what would happen if someone is actually killed by an akuma now , she wondered. With no heroes and no cure… Delphine shuddered, trying to shake off the thought. Though there had been plenty of casualties, there hadn’t been any deaths so far and she hoped it stayed that way.

Picking up her phone, Delphine checked the akuma alert app to see if anyone knew what it was doing yet. So far nobody knew what the akuma looked like, but there was a worrying amount of people posting about hearing loud buzzing sounds. Ew, Delphine grimaced. She was suddenly very glad that it was her day off.

No drama for me today, she decided. I’m just going to lie in bed and read a book. Maybe two! If I don’t fall asleep first…

Just as she began to rise from the sofa, a blinding flash of light erupted in the middle of the room, knocking her back down. The light seemed to blaze brighter for a moment, and Delphine squeezed her eyes shut against the glare, tamping down her curiosity as she heard a tussle break out between whoever it was that had somehow landed in her flat.

“Oi–stop that get–”

“Aargh! Let go of me—”

“Can you–don’t bite me! Oh for– Cataclysm!”

Delphine blinked. Chat Noir? No, it can’t be… she blinked again, then rubbed her eyes to get rid of the dark spots dancing across her vision.

“Wh–”

Chat Noir was in her living room. At least, she thought it was him. The man standing in the middle of the room with a disintegrating akuma butterfly clutched in his fist was not dressed in the distinctive skintight outfit for which he was known. Instead, he wore a buttoned up vest over a shirt that was tucked into a pair of smart high waisted trousers. Even his signature unruly blonde hair was combed back neatly. If it wasn’t for the mask covering half of his face–the only familiar thing about him– he looked as though he’d stepped right out of a history textbook.

As quietly as she could, Delphine pinched the inside of her elbow, wincing when it hurt. Yep, this is definitely happening. As she watched, dumbstruck, Chat Noir finally seemed to take in his surroundings, startling when he met her gaze.

“Oh! Uh..Hi!” he waggled his fingers at her in an awkward wave. He smiled sheepishly, gesturing to the unconscious akuma victim by his feet. “Sorry about that. There wasn’t a building here a hundred years ago so … I’ll get this guy out of your hair in just a second but uh..you haven’t seen Ladybug have you?”

“Seen Ladybug?” Delphine echoed, “nobody’s seen either of you in months!” her voice rose higher and higher with each word.

Chat Noir’s gaze sharpened. “Months?!” he exclaimed “wh–oh!” Slapping a hand to his forehead, Chat swore under his breath. “Fucking…time travel akuma.”

“Okay, okay…” he started pacing back and forth, seeming oblivious to Delphine’s eyes following his every move. “I’m gonna go ahead and assume that things are absolutely insane out there,” he jerked his thumb towards the window. At her nod, he sighed. “Great. Fantastic. This is just what we need. Ladybug, where are you?”

As if summoned by his words, there was another flash of light, followed by a pained grunt as Ladybug appeared in midair and fell to the ground with a pained grunt.

The change in Chat’s demeanour was instantaneous. Rushing to her side, he helped her to her feet, hands hovering by her waist as she regained her bearings. Heads bowed closely together, they murmured quietly to each other. Trying not to eavesdrop, Delphine only caught a few of their words–something about recharging , and months (presumably Chat filling her in on how long they’d been missing from Paris)– as she took the chance to note the changes to Ladybug’s costume.

She was dressed in a similarly old fashioned way to Chat Noir, her bright red outfit exchanged for a burgundy skirted blouse, belted at the waist where her yo-yo rested. Her trousers were buttoned at the knee just above the tops of her sturdy boots. Even her signature pigtails had been replaced, her pulled back in a soft chignon instead. Just like her partner, the only thing that remained unchanged was her mask.

After making sure that Ladybug was alright, Chat Noir stepped back with a grin. “Did you miss me, my lady?”

Ladybug rolled her eyes, but Delphine saw the smile tugging at her lips as she replied. “I saw you five minutes ago.”

“Really? It felt like one hundred and six years to me.”

“Well then…” Ladybug teased “we’ll have to make up for lost time later then, won’t we?”

Eyes wide, Delphine cleared her throat loudly. Struggling not to laugh when Ladybug actually squeaked at the interruption, her face turning as red as the mask on her face, she waved her phone at them. “Sorry to interrupt you guys but uh… there’s actually another akuma attack happening right now.”

Regaining her composure, Ladybug sighed, her shoulders drooping. “Of course there is.”

“It’s good to be back, huh?” Chat grumbled, dodging out of the way when Ladybug went to swat at his shoulder.

“Yes,” Ladybug said firmly. “We’re back where we belong. I for one, can’t wait to wear my own clothes again.”

“Ooh, good point.”

Ladybug ignored him, turning her attention to Delphine again. “Do you know anything about the akuma?”

“Not really…it might have something to do with bees? I think?”

“Great, thank you!” Ladybug smiled sincerely at Delphine, making her cheeks flush in response. “Sorry we were gone for so long, but don’t you worry, we’ll get all this fixed in no time!”

Delphine could only nod in response, watching as the heroes made their way to her open window, waving goodbye to her again before they leapt out to save the city once more.

#banana writes 🍌#ml fanfic #ladynoir #ladybug x chat noir #mlb #power to play

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