#and moreover; what is she doing playing therapist to me

[ace-and-ranty]

Just saw a Tumblr post that reminded of one of the teachers I most hated in high school. 

There was this one class. We were learning how to differentiate two grammatical concepts that are very similar in Portuguese. I was struggling with it, my friends were struggling, the whole class was struggling, because it was really hard, actually.

So, okay, at some point ---I don’t remember why--- my teacher addresses me specifically. And she is pointing to the two sentences in the white board, telling me Sentence A is Concept 1, and Sentence B is Concept 2. Even as she is explaining this, I can tell very clearly that it’s the other way around. It’s supposed to be A2 and B1. But again, this is material I’m struggling with. I am deeply non-confrontational and I was feeling very awkward being put on the spot, so I just agreed with her, thinking I will figure this out later, in private.

Only she doesn’t stop.

I agree with her. And agree with her. And she keeps repeating the explanation, to me, more forcefully. By that point I am just begging God for her to stop talking, and I don’t know why she’s being so forceful; I just said I got it, why won’t she stop explaining??

So finally she stops.

And she admits she was saying baloney. It is meant to be A2 and B1. She was lying to my face to try to get me to disagree with her, because I was too timid, and she wanted to teach me to speak up.

I would have thrown the woman out the window if we had any.

[bilbobagginshome]

A Deadbeat's Journal 4

A Jotaro kujo x blackfemreader fic

February 14 20XX,

I was right in at least one thing , the video of me beating the dog up went somewhat viral on twitter . Heck I saw someone make an eyes of heaven edit and honestly I found it kind of impressive despite Jotaro seemingly convinced otherwise . My mom called demanding an explanation on why the church aunties are laughing at a video of her girl punching down a complete stranger and the ever judicious Jotaro, who I remain under his most merciful watch, decided to rat me out . I could have beaten him up but I know my punches will be all for naught.

Mom welled up, crying bucketloads of tears, I could hear her blowing away the snort as she tried to compose herself whilst  lamenting on why I was making progress so difficult for myself. What  does she even mean by that? I’m perfectly fine by the way. I had told her from the beginning that she is just getting conned by the therapist . Okay so I go through occasional fits of anger but that's just normal especially when nothing is going your way . They make it seem like I’ve gone mad . What’s next , they’ll ship me to rehab? I’ll hang myself before the thought even crosses their mind.

After the everlasting phone call filled with grief stricken tears on my mom’s end of the line and pure bemusement on mine , the phone call ended. Jotaro called me out for lunch, the first time he had initiated conversation with me so I was under the impression that him preparing lunch is his peace treaty in this ongoing cold war , but I am not Gorbachev and he was going to do a bit more than make viet pho as a sort of appeasement .

As he set the table and gave me my bowl , chopsticks and spoon, I simply said thanks and began eating . 

“You shouldn’t be ignoring me ,your mom informed me that I should tell her when your aggressive fits happen.” he said morsley.

“I told you to stop calling them fits , I can admit I was childish for fighting her but this had grounds for justification.” I exclaimed. 

“Don’t use that tone on me . Moreover , no it wasn’t . She wasn’t anyone we knew and you would have never met her again after that . But no, you had to turn it into a spectacle because how dare she insult you as though she is not beneath you .” he responded whilst holding a mockingly haughty tone .

“She called me a ‘black bitch’ , she’s lucky she got off with no broken teeth. Besides that , why are you so adamant on this ? Do you really think I enjoy literally being babysat by a man one year my senior? Or is what she said your honest opinion on me ?” I questioned in a seemingly lower timbre than my usual tone.

To be honest, I was gaslighting him a smidge , I know what I did was wrong but to be honest , I’m not guilty in the slightest . I feel a bit sad that Jotaro had to drag me out before I pulverised her face but really I’m not holding enough guilt to even think of being remorseful.

“Don’t play games , this has never worked on me and you know it . Anyways because of your sudden fiasco , I scheduled an appointment tomorrow with your therapist and a doctor appointment for me cause I need more than panadol to argue with you on the regular” He declared and based on the tone  there was no room for negotiation . This felt like the Versailles treaty .

“Very funny.” I jabbed back cause all I have as an offensive is spewing negative retorts.

He left me to go sulk in my bedroom , instead finding comfort from his new bestie Samosa . When I decided I had enough alone time , I went to the sitting room to find Samosa eagerly running around the coffee table as she played with a small, colourful , plastic ball whilst Jotaro read one of his sea books.

I sat on the other end of the cream coloured couch that directly faced the screen and logged to the netflix account . As I perused the catalogues and found a nice Korean thriller to watch , Jotaro said ;

“Don’t keep that one . It may scare Samosa, keep a cute anime instead.”he gruffly said , scrunching his face in displeasure at my choice.

“The brat can barely see , I won't stop watching thrillers cause she’s here . Unless you are the one who’s scared and are using her as a coverup.” I jabbed slyly.

“Just keep that new anime that was released the other day , you can watch ‘Strangers from Hell’ when she’s not around.”he calmly replied as he went back to his book

Samosa is proving to be a nuisance at this point because why on earth am I suddenly needing to question what I watch. But as I looked at her adorable face whilst she played with a squishy fish teddy twice her size , my anger subsided.

We all watched Bee and PuppyCat instead , Samosa greatly intrigued at puppycat’s overall appearance and Jotaro showed occasional interest as he kept looking up from his book whenever an interesting scenario popped up. It was a chill day and by 7pm , Samosa was napping on my lap as Jotaro head to bed not without reminding me;

“Don’t forget , Tomorrow , 10am , the therapist. I’ll drop you off just in case you conveniently forget to go there.” 

“I’m not that childish,” Yes I am.

Jotaro opted to provide me with one of his more withering glances of doubt . Honestly I may be quite a nuisance as I’ve made the stoic cast the most diverse facial expressions ever since I moved in comparison to how I’ve seen him in the last four years we were acquainted .

February 15 20XX,

Ms Khadija is a woman with exceedingly high extroversion as being amidst her would leave you completely mind spun and frazzled. Honestly, how she decided on this profession is a wonder as her loud boisterous self doesn’t leave you even the comfort of deep contemplation . It’s as though every sentence that she makes is voiced from deep within her lungs . Her breath control must be at Beyonce levels . She greeted me and Jotaro enthusiastically whilst escorting us to her minimalistic modern - furnished room . Jotaro informed her that he was just dropping me off and informed me to get an uber when heading home before leaving . Now left alone to sit at the surprisingly comfy white leather chair that was across her glass table that only held her laptop as she sat on a  similarly fashioned chair across from me, I began to dread the next hour.

She’s slimmer and taller than me though if she removed the two inch heels our height difference would not be as noticeable. Her walnut toned skin shone in juxtaposition to the cream coloured walls and her navy blue power suit and hijab ensemble complimented the natural makeup she adorned alongside  simple gold neck and hand jewellery. She looked as though she was ready for a TIMES photoshoot and of course I gave her a compliment which she graciously took. 

“Now we both know why you are here earlier than the scheduled date ,” she spoke whilst sparing me an amused smirk.

“No , not really considering all I did was a natural human reaction .” I replied with a slight frown.

“Y/n , a majority of humans have the self restraint to not allow instinctual urges to take over whereas you abandon all thought and just jump to the crossfire just because you took offence .If this was a stand alone case then you’d never be in my office to begin with.” She said , ending the statement in a more saddened tone. 

I could tell that she was serious about this , we weren’t doing the usual mind games we play nor was she speaking in her usual tone - deafening pitch . 

“You aren’t relapsing considering the fact that you aren’t adamantly arguing with me over this situation . It shows progress, that you are coming to the understanding that the consequences of your actions are not only yours to bear but also the loved ones around you.” She commented in a slightly more upbeat tone .

“But I still don't understand how I am narcissistic to the point of it being considered a personality disorder . I was raised like this , mom said it’s completely fine to always strive to be the best . Isn't that a universal thing , to reach the skies and shoot for the stars?” I questioned .

To be fair I still am in shock that I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it's the whole reason why I journal as often as I can. Hence the reason I willingly went to these sessions , I thought I could prove mom and Ms Khadija wrong by showing them that I’m not mental just having a hard time with my temper tantrums.

Ms Khadija had explained that my extreme fears of failure made me violent , hence why the Shawarma Shenanigans happened . According to her , I was desperate to put her in her place , beneath me , and coupled with my uneasiness , this enabled me to get so mad that I forgot how I ended up tackling her to the ground.  

The explanation seemed valid and for the first time since these sessions began, I didn't have a counter argument as defence  nor did I feel the need to make one . It was comforting to understand my turbulence . The meds must be in full effect .

We spend an hour talking further over past instances and how best I can be able to overcome the blinding rage I get when overcome with an intense need to prove myself , she closed off with a statement that made me even more comforted ;

“Your brain is wired similarly to your ancestors ,both recent and past ,who had to fight to survive in the social standings they were in , and even though the 21st century leads to more metaphoric social fights , it’s now okay to not be always on alert. Trust me when we are done , you’d be much more comfortable with yourself as your ego will no longer be dependent on others .”

I prepared rice and minced meat for dinner . Jotaro really liked it.

                                              prev masterlist next

I hate spaghetti , so rice and minced meat it is.

[naiii23]

Naisha Saul

Blog #5

The work I am going to be discussing today is the short film Paralysis. I was honestly confused with the ending. I do not understand if the woman was dreaming, or if it was sleep paralysis. What also confused me is that the neighbor said that something similar was happening to the old tenant. So I would assume it was in correlation to the apartment, yet the camera captured nothing. Moreover, I was confused on whether the woman had a history with sleep paralysis because she was on medication in relation to her sleep and even admitted to getting married so that she did not have to sleep alone. So I am not sure if the events that were occurring were due to her and her sleeping issue or again related to the apartment. Nonetheless I think sleep paralysis is a horrifying thing to experience, not to mention those with sleep demons. I have friends who have told me stories of their experience with sleep paralysis both with and without demons and both seem terrifying. It is actually a major fear of mine. But I do not understand exactly where the sleep demon comes into play or why the body experiences sleep paralysis in the first place. Is a sleep demon a result of the imagination, or is it a literal demon see? And do people tend to go into paralysis because they see the demon. And I understand that it is referred to as sleep paralysis because it happens when you are asleep but are you considered asleep when it happens? Almost like a vivid dream I would assume. I wish the work would have gone a bit more into detail about what happened to the girl prior to her so that we knew if what she was experiencing was simply in her mind or actually happening to her. Also the story behind the scar on her arm was swiftly pushed past and then suddenly she was digging deeper into it causing it to bleed after she said she was not the one to do it. Which makes me think now that she was experiencing some form of blacking out or psychosis. Which I believe is what the therapist referred to. Where she became a different person and performed actions that she later could not recall. Which would explain why she found a knife in her bed. I believe she struggled to differentiate the difference between reality and her imagination.

[khanyisile-2]

Discuss “therapeutic use of self” giving examples from your practice.

The practice of occupational therapy is inherently rooted in the concept of the "therapeutic use of self." It is a fundamental and dynamic aspect of the profession that plays a vital role in helping individuals achieve their occupational goals, improve their overall well-being, and enhance their quality of life. In this blog, I will be looking at the significance of the therapeutic use of self in occupational therapy practice and providing illustrative examples from my own experiences as an occupational therapist.

 According to Presence, (2021) one of the important aspects is building trust and rapport. To do this, I actively listen to my client and show empathy and validation. (Presence, 2021). While working with the client, one of the key ways I use my therapeutic self is through active listening. I make a conscious effort to listen attentively to the client's concerns. I maintain eye contact, nod to show understanding, and use verbal cues like "Tell me more" to convey that I'm interested in what she said. This active listening not only helps me gather important information but also signals to the client that his or her voice is valued and heard. I also demonstrate empathy and validation by putting myself in my client's shoes and understanding his or her emotions and perspectives. When a client expresses irritability and poor frustration tolerance, I validate the client’s feelings by calming the client down. Validating the client's emotions helps the client feel supported, which is essential in building trust.

 Creating a supportive environment was incredibly important. Student therapist focused on staying calm and understanding, which helped clients trust me and share their thoughts and feelings comfortably. During a session with a client who has schizophrenia, he had a delusion about having a special girlfriend who loved him because he was worthy, and others accused him of taking their girlfriend who was in love with him, which made him frustrated and want to leave. The student therapist acknowledged the client's perspective without validating the delusion and I used a therapeutic approach by taking a walk outside and offering water to help him calm down. After he felt better, we resumed the session, and he even enjoyed it, asking to play casino. This shows how adapting to a client's needs and using a therapeutic approach can be effective in helping those with schizophrenia. Additionally, with a client who has bipolar disorder, I established clear boundaries to address her intrusive behaviors, letting her know what was acceptable during our sessions.

During my fieldwork, a student therapist worked with a client diagnosed with schizophrenia, who struggled with poor social judgment as one of his symptoms. To address this challenge, the student therapist employed therapeutic communication techniques by gently guiding the client when he used inappropriate terms in social interactions. Moreover, during the session with the same client, he exhibited a tendency to take control of the session, which required the therapeutic use of self to establish clear boundaries. In our next session, I clearly set boundaries in order for the client to know what is acceptable and unacceptable in our interactions and task performance. This approach aimed to enhance the client's social skills and create a structured and supportive therapeutic environment, fostering better outcomes in our work together.

Using the therapeutic self in occupational therapy is like having a powerful tool. It helps therapists connect deeply with the clients and give them special help that fits them perfectly. This makes the therapy place a safe and trusted space for therapy. "In the therapeutic use of self, we offer our hearts, not just our skills." This means therapists connect deeply with the clients by listening, understanding, and creating a supportive space. This personal way of helping, like in my work with clients who have schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or poor social judgment, shows how we can help people change their lives. It's all about helping client to overcome their problems and reach their important goals, making their lives better and more satisfying.

References

Presence. (2021, May 19). Therapists: 5 Easy & Effective Ways to Build Rapport with the Client. Presence. https://presence.com/insights/5-ways-therapists-can-build-rapport-with-clients/#:~:text=If%20rapport%20is%20not%20formed

Best Practice for Therapeutic Environments A Guide for Clinicians and Administrators. (2019). https://www.sandhillscenter.org/uploads/201908281128bestpracticefortherapeuticenvironmentsfromuncgqmcappd8272019.pdf

Alex Rodriguez Quote: “Therapy can be a good thing; it can be therapeutic.” (n.d.). Quotefancy.com. Retrieved September 15, 2023, from https://quotefancy.com/quote/1388935/Alex-Rodriguez-Therapy-can-be-a-good-thing-it-can-be-therapeutic

[crookedlyinnernightmare]

Sometimes I think that everything would’ve turned out better if Saiki Kumi had more involvement in Kusuke’s upbringing.

In chapter 169 (the chapter where Kusuke was making an army of elderly people) Kusuo says this:

“She’s not like Grandpa, who can’t say no to his grandkids. I can ask her to help me stop him.”

This is important! Kusuo usually doesn’t trust anyone to help him when Kusuke is acting up, but he has faith that his grandmother would! Out of all his family members, Kumi is the only one who could feasibly discipline Kusuke. Kurumi is exceptionally oblivious, and doesn’t even realize what her son is doing; Kuniharu isn’t oblivious, but he’s weak willed and Kusuke doesn’t respect him; Kumagoro, out of love, bends too easily to the whims of his grandchildren. Kumi, on the other hand, can actually comprehend the awfulness of Kusuke’s behavior, and is responsible enough to try and correct him.

The problem is figuring out how to get her more involved. Kumi only sees her grandchildren like... once a year. The only way she would be able to keep an eye on Kusuke is if they lived with each other, or if the family started visiting way more often. I can’t imagine Kusuke living somewhere as rural as Ikoku Yama; canonically, the village didn’t even have cell service until Kusuke arrived. As a child, Kusuke wouldn’t be able to bring technological progress to the village, so he’d probably be miserable if he had to live there. Not to mention, there’s no real justification for sending him to live with his grandparents in the first place. Kurumi wouldn’t let her son go unless there was a very good reason. I’m giving this option a solid no.

On the other hand, we could have the grandparents leave Ikoku Yama, and live with the rest of their family. Kumagoro would jump at the chance to stay with his daughter and grandchildren (his profile states that it’s his dream, actually), but I can’t imagine Kuniharu would be okay with it. Kumagoro hates him, and the rest of the family finds their conflicts bothersome. I’ll give this option a maybe because it opens up some potential character development for Kumagoro, despite its problems.

The most realistic option, in my opinion, is for the main family to start visiting the grandparents more often. How would this happen? By Kusuo revealing his powers. In canon, Kurumi and Kuniharu were ready to tell the grandparents when Kusuo was in second grade. The reason they didn’t do it was because Kusuke objected to it.

“There’s no way any normal person would be able to accept him. If Grandma and Grandpa find out he’s a monster, they’ll se so surprised it’ll give them heart attacks.” (Geez, what an awful kid...)

If the two of them had overruled Kusuke and revealed Kusuo’s powers anyway, we could expect the grandfather to demand that they visit more often. After all, with teleportation Kusuo could bring them over every weekend if he wanted to.

Now that it’s safe for Kusuo to use his powers around them, the grandparents might start to notice Kusuke’s jealousy. Perhaps when Kumagoro fawns over Kusuo’s powers, Kumi notices the irritated set of Kusuke’s expression. When Kusuke throws snide comments/insults at Kusuo, Kumi reprimands him, wondering why neither her daughter nor her son-in-law had said anything. When Kusuke attempts to coerce Kusuo into playing a game, Kumi puts her foot down. She loves both of her grandchildren. She’s going to protect Kusuo. She’s also going to fix whatever went wrong with Kusuke. And she’s definitely going to have words with Kurumi and Kuniharu. (Seriously, how did they let it get this bad?)

Having said all that, I don’t think this will solve all of Kusuke’s problems. Kumi isn’t a therapist; she’s not equipped to deal with an inferiority complex. Moreover, I understand that this scenario is unfair to Kumi; she's stuck raising a child she didn’t make. But frankly, I don’t see matters improving unless Kurumi and Kuniharu manage to get their shit together (which I doubt they will). 

I’ll probably never get around to writing a fanfic for this (it would be a long, multichapter, introspective piece that I don’t have the energy for) but I figured I should share the idea anyway.

[autisticcassandracain]

I have many thoughts on the weird phenomena in the DC fandom and the Batfam fandom specifically where probably the majority of people just straight up. haven’t interacted with the source material. and almost all of those thoughts can be summarized as ‘lmao that’s weird and mildly concerning’.

and because I’m annoying I will list them all here right now <3

1. To preface this post, I mean, obviously, comics are inaccessible as all hell, both in the disability kind of way and the ‘you need to understand the concept of hypertime to fully comprehend the DC timeline’ kind of way. Because of this, even if you don’t have a disability that prevents you from reading comics, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to look at the amount of comics you need to read to have even a base understanding of a character and go ‘no thanks <3′ and just enjoy fanart and fanfic in a vacuum. Ultimately, this is fandom, this is supposed to be fun, it doesn’t really matter.

2. That said, it’s VERY weird to me that the majority of this fandom just straight up hasn’t interacted with the source material, and moreover, that it’s considered rude to tell people that they should do so. It’s especially weird considering the amount of fanon-only fans I’ve seen who straight up have a superiority complex over canon. The idea that it’s gatekeeping to tell fans of something to actually interact with canon is just. so weird, and a fundamental misunderstanding of what ‘gatekeeping’ actually entails. 

3. But honestly I’m less interested in discussing the ways in which canon and fanon fans should interact with each other (personally, I think it would be helpful to create separate tags of some kind, but that’d require quite a big overhaul of the current fandom state) than in figuring out how this actually happened in the first place. On the one hand, it’s obvious; long-running superhero comics the way DC writes them have made themselves so thoroughly inaccessible that most people are simply too daunted to even try. Most media has a cohesive beginning and end (or at least, a planned end somewhere). Comics just... don’t.

But I do think it says something that, even among people who are clearly interested in the characters (since they have, you know, entire blogs about them), the effort to get into comics just seems to be too much to even bother. This really doesn’t bode well for the future of DC Comics. Obviously, I am no expert on anything at all ever, but I’d personally be surprised if DC survives beyond the few decades, at least in its current form/without a big overhaul.

4. But on the other hand, I don’t think the confusing state of DC Comics is the only thing to blame here. Fandom has a well-known problem with reducing any character down to archetypes to more easily ship and write fic/make content with. This problem is particularly prominent in fanfic, which, if you read enough of it, you’ll eventually start seeing not just the same tropes and trends, but essentially the same fics over and over again. And not just within the same fandom; everywhere, or every large fandom, at least. 

Fanon Batfam is entirely built on a bunch of those tropes; insecure/depressed sadboy Tim, team mom with optional hidden trauma/emotional problems Dick, bad boy with a heart of gold + sadboy combo Jason, abused sadboy Damian/angry easily-villified-for-fic-reasons monster Damian, good dad Bruce for found family fic and bad dad Bruce for angst fic, etc. This all culminates in a found family dynamic that’s generic and malleable to whatever fic the writer wants to write.

(This isn’t getting into the ship fic, which I avoid like the plague because the vast majority of it is incest, but I’d bet real actual money that the tropes in those fics fall under what is often preferred by the Migratory Slash Fandom.)

By having a decent excuse not to get into canon (the inaccessibility of comics) and a, by now, well-established fanon fandom, many fans feel free to use the batfam fandom as essentially an excuse to write whatever fic with reduced archetypes and tropes they personally feel the itch to write, without having to bother with even consuming a canon. This is compounded by the fact that canon itself is often contradictory and frankly bad, meaning that whatever interpretation of a character you want/need to go for your fic is at least theoretically backed up by canon (for example, you can just as easily cast Bruce as an abusive shithole dad who his kids need to get away from as a loving father figure who cares deeply for his children), which you can always use as a defense if people question your characterization.

5. This focus on fandom trends and tropes over actual creativity or care for the characters is also visible in the way bigotry manifests in this fandom; namely, in literally the exact way you’d expect. The female characters and characters of colour are shuffled to the side, non-existent, vilified, and/or reduced to harmful stereotypes. 

Barbara is probably the one I saw the most often in fanfic, but usually just as ‘Dick’s girlfriend’, and even then, she was often vilified for Dick angst (especially in fics about examining Dick’s trauma from his canon sexual assault; Kori also often gets the short end of the stick in those). After that, probably Stephanie, who fanon fans don’t really seem to know what to do with, so she’s basically just there as comic relief waffle girl, most of the time, though sometimes she can be used to either further Tim angst or further vilify Tim, whatever the fic calls for. Cass has gotten included more in batfam fics as of late, likely in response to critiques of fandom racism for leaving her out, but again, it’s clear people don’t actually know what to do with her. She’s often reduced to a racist stereotype of a quite, stoic therapist for whatever guy du jour needs it. That, or she’s in Hong Kong and just not there. Duke especially gets left in the dust in fandom, usually just being non-existent, but when he’s there, he’s almost always nothing more than the straight man for the actual fun characters to play off of. Talia probably has it the worst, though, and almost universally gets vilified by fanon stans in order to write sadboy Damian.

All of this is extremely predictable behaviour and falls entirely in line with general fandom misogyny and racism; ignoring or vilifying women and characters of colour, or using them as very minor characters at best. The only two characters of colour who aren’t regularly left out of fic are Dick and Damian, who are both also conveniently the two characters most often drawn and written in a whitewashed manner. In addition, there’s a real trend of demonizing Damian in fanon fics where he isn’t written as an abused sadboy, which I’d argue is in no small part due to fandom racism, considering Damian’s behaviour is in no way as bad as Jason’s, who doesn’t get anywhere close to the same demonization and gets woobiefied instead. I also find it convenient that Damian is probably the batboy who receives the most vilification in fic, when he’s the most obviously non-white of the batboys they’re willing to acknowledge.

Fandom often cries for more diversity in canon, only to ignore the diversity already there and focus on the same generic white guys. The batfam fandom is a brilliant example of this.

Which is not to say that fandom racism and misogyny isn’t present in the canon parts of the fandom (and canon itself); it absolutely 100% is. But I’ve found that canon fans are also more likely to like and care about at least one of the characters I’ve listed as ignored/vilified, and are willing to create and consume content for them, whereas fanon fans... aren’t, really. I’ve never seen a fan of fanon Cass the way I’ve seen fans of fanon Dick, for example. Obviously, this could just be by coincidence, or I’ve just surrounded myself with people like that, but it’s been a trend I noticed. Racism and misogyny is present in every part of this fandom and should be addressed as such, but I feel like it manifests the most blatantly in the fanon parts of this fandom. 

(I’d also recommend the articles Migratory Slash Fandom’s Focus and Beige Blank Slates, which expand more on the type of fandom racism I think is especially prominent in the batfam fandom, as well as literally every article in the What Fandom Racism Looks Like series.)

6. All this leads me to conclude that the majority of fanon fans don’t actually like the characters all that much; they’re convenient excuses for them to participate in fandom. Which I also think is, in no small part, a reason why so many of them react so negatively to being told to pick up a comic; they came to this fandom specifically to consume it as a fandom, because they wanted the fandom experience without having to consume a canon. 

This is not a phenomena unique to the batfam fandom (again, see the Migratory Slash Fandom), but it does fascinate me. While fandom is often said to be an experience focusing on transformative art, I think it’s also safe to say that, especially as fandom has become more mainstream, an increasing amount of people are looking to it less as a way to engage with their favourite pieces of media, and more as a type of media in and of itself. I think the reasons for this are similar to the reasons mass media entertainment like the MCU are so popular; you gain a lot of enjoyment out of it with very little risk involved. 

By consuming the same fics of the same characters (or the same archetypes) over and over again, you are rarely at risk of being challenged or even disappointed. It’s often very clear right from the start whether or not a fic will appeal to you, and if it isn’t, it’s easy to just look for another one. It requires less emotional investment than most other types of media, even ‘popcorn media’ like the MCU - or, yes, DC Comics. It’s safe, it’s enjoyable, it’s comforting, like McDonalds, but just like McDonalds, it’s ultimately bland and unsubstantial. 

7, TL;DR. Ultimately, I don’t think it’s like, wrong to enjoy the fanon version of the batfam without wanting to engage with canon, and I certainly don’t think it’s okay to harrass people over it. But I do think it’s in large part based on a desire to interact with fandom rather than other pieces of media because people are scared of being let down by those pieces of media (or worse, just uninterested in actually thinking), which is mildly concerning. 

[mymelodyheart]

Miles Between Us Chapter 13 ~The Reunion~

WARNING: VERY EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT

Previously in Obstacle Course ...

"Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp! Don't ye dare leave me!" He shouted. "We love each other, remember? I was a prick for leaving ye on yer own when ye came to Scotland to be with me. I promise ye this will never happen again. And whatever problem we have together, we can fix this. Ye understand me?" He fell on his knees, grateful for the pain shooting up his thighs because his heart was breaking into thousand pieces. "I ken I could be a selfless arse, but I'm working on being a better person for ye ...for us. I love ye with all my heart, Sassenach, and I cannae imagine life without ye."

"What do I need to do to make ye, believe me, Sassenach? Ye ken, I'll do anything to prove to ye how much I love ye. Does he ken the things I do? Like ...like what song makes ye smile? I can sing it for ye if that's what it would take." When the silence lingered, Jamie puffed out a silent curse. "Christ ... I'll do it. I'll sing that damn song. Just so ye ken, I meant every word I said." 

Then he stood up from his kneeling position and gave Rick Astley a run for his money. 

If you wish to read this on AO3, here is the link.

If you wish to read this from the beginning:

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  The full moon illuminated Jamie's and Claire's path as they made their way to the cottage into the cold night. It seemed they were the only two people in the world, walking in comfortable silence, lost in their own respective thoughts, and the only sounds to be heard were their footfalls and the dance of the trees. Inhaling deeply, Jamie pulled Claire into the warmth of his body, gently kissing the crown of her head, and in turn, her arm slid familiarly under his jacket to settle around his waist. For the first time in five days, every cell in his body was alive and buzzing, and it felt amazing to hold and have her close again.

Earlier, after the excitement and stramash outside Christie's apartment building had settled, they'd gone back in search of Quentin. It hadn't taken them long to spot him where he'd leaned on the wall outside the pub working his phone, most probably trying to call Claire. Though Quentin had looked like he could go for a few more round of drinks, to his relief, he hadn't put up much of an argument when Claire had firmly suggested it was time to call it a day. They'd escorted him back to his lodgings, making sure he had everything before heading for home.

It had been a surreal day, and Jamie knew it was far from over. He'd sensed Claire wanted to talk, and who could blame her? They had a lot of things to discuss, but his depraved mind had other ideas. His alcohol-fueled bravado from earlier had long waned to be replaced with an urgency that pulsed heat below his belly. But he swiftly reminded himself to be an attentive boyfriend first and clear the air between them. 

After what he'd put himself and Claire through the last few days, he was done being a prisoner of the past and mistrusting the future. Here, at this moment with her, he was whole, and just having her beside him was healing invisible wounds all over his body. He needed her, but her needs came first even though her sweet scent and the sound of her soft sighs were piercing holes in his self-restraint. At nearly midnight, the air was icy cold, and yet, there was a fine layer of perspiration on his skin brought about by the anticipation of being finally alone with her.

When they eventually reached the cottage, Jamie had a hard time giving up her body's warmth to retrieve his keys, so he turned her to face him and locked her in an embrace. Savouring the feel of her, he wondered how the hell he'd managed to keep his distance; moreover, allow her to go to Inverness with Tom. 

"Home sweet home," Claire murmured, breaking his thoughts. She made a move to pull away, but he grabbed her hand and pressed his lips to her icy fingers instead. "I think I need a drink," she said, shivering, "It's been quite an eventful night, don't you think?"

Jamie shook himself and nodded. "Aye. It's been a riot." He finally let go of her, quickly fishing for his keys in his pocket and unlocking the door, letting her pass first. They were welcomed by two happy, hyper animals who circumvented him to get to Claire. Ah, wee traitors!

He shut the door and watched with amusement as Claire immediately fell on her knees, her arm going around Rollo's neck while her free hand scratched Adso's back ear. Jamie grinned when both nudged closer and let out chesty whimpering sounds as they were treated to Claire's lovefest.

His eyes landed on her unpacked bags on the floor. She must have left the cottage as soon as she'd arrived. "How'd ye know where to find me earlier? Ye never called," he remarked, divesting his jacket and dropping it onto the chair.

She looked up at him and smiled. "I didn't. When Tom dropped me here, I realised I forgot to hand in some documents for Mary. I kind of figured you might be out with uncle Lamb. So I thought before calling you I'd walk over to Tom's to drop the papers for Mary and well, ..." she shrugged, her eyes twinkling. "I was about to phone you, and who did I find outside Tom's apartment building? My boyfriend serenading Mary Hawkins, no less."

Almost completely sober by now, his head dropped to hide his embarrassment, his pained groan barely subdued in his throat at the reminder of the recent event. "Oh, Christ!"

She stood up, walked over to him and encircled her arms around his neck, forcing him to glance at her smiling face. "I thought you were adorable." She kissed his chin. "And I think Mary was chuffed to bits hearing your love declarations. She'll never leave the Highlands now, what with Tom as her new love interest and you serenading her in front of an audience. She probably thinks she's heaven's gift to Broch Mordha and vice versa." 

Her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck made it difficult to concentrate on what she was saying. "Ye should be righteously pissed at me for thinking ye were with Tom. And even if ye were in his apartment, I shouldnae have jumped to conclusions."

She contemplated his words. "We all get our jealous moments," she said quietly. "Well, I certainly do ...at least."

"Ye? Jealous? I only have eyes for ye, Sassenach. Ye have nothing to be jealous about." Then the image of Geneva's kiss came to mind, and his throat tightened. With everything that had happened today, he'd already forgotten about it ...until now. He knew only too well how the truth had its way of coming out, and he couldn't just dismiss it as an afterthought even though it didn't mean a thing. He needed to tell her before she finds out from someone else.

"Geneva," she whispered as if reading his mind. "I heard ..."

"Ye heard what?" She's already heard about the kiss? There was no stopping the weight of dread from settling in his belly. "Whatever stories ye heard about her and me, there's a perfect explanation for it, Sassenach. I can assure ye."

She didn't seem to notice his sudden discomfort nor heard the words he'd just said, her gaze too busy following the movements of her hands as they travelled down to his shoulders and over his chest. "While you were in Lallybroch, Willie came to check up on me once in a while to see how I was fairing. I thought it was rather sweet of him to do that." She cleared her throat. "Anyway, he mentioned something about Geneva fancying you, and that didn't sit well because I know she's your therapist, and Jenny preferred her for you." Her eyes suddenly dimmed. "Oh, God! Why am I even telling you this? It's so primary school."

"Sassenach ..." He brushed his lips to her forehead. "It's not ..."

She visibly shook herself. "No, let me finish. I know it's silly, but I couldn't help feeling the way I did. It was torturous knowing you were suffering, and I could do nought about it. I feared that night when you left, I may have made things worse by pushing you to talk about the past." True to her words, her expression was troubled as she chewed her bottom lip. "You see ...I want to be the one who can make things better for you, but I also recognise there are things about your condition that are beyond my understanding no matter how much I try to help or learn about it." She took a deep breath. "Geneva's your therapist, and she knows what she's doing. Sooo ...I have to put aside my petty jealousy and let Geneva do her work. But it doesn't mean I have to like her or the whole situation. So for the sake of ..."

"No, Sassenach. Stop right there." He dropped his mouth to prevent her from saying more, punctuating his words with a kiss. Their breaths collided, his fingers gripping her shoulders hard and digging into her skin. "Ye have every right not to like the situation. Because I dinnnae like it either." He searched her face, but her eyelids were at half-mast, and her gaze seemingly focused on his lips. He tipped her chin up. "I willnae be returning to therapy. So ye dinnae have to worry about her."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Wot? But why?" She stopped and looked at him suspiciously. "Wait. If this is your way of making me stop seeing Tom, sorry mate, not going to happen. This is work. And I'm not stopping you from going to therapy just because it's Geneva either."

"Woman, will ye let me finish?" He took a few cleansing breaths. "I'll wager ye a pound to a penny that ye willnae allow me to attend the therapy when ye hear what she did." 

She arched an eyebrow at him. "Why? What did she do?"

"She kissed me."

She stiffened and took a step back. "Wot?" Her expression of softness she had just moments ago made way for disbelief. 

He tried to rid the sudden tangle in his throat. "She stopped by today. She said something about wanting to talk about my progress. I told her I was busy. Then she threw herself at me and kissed me. It's nae biggie." 

"Nae biggie?!" Her eyes flashed, and her mouth open and closed. And then opened again. "Where did she kiss you? Lips or cheek?" 

Her question caught him like a surprise right hook. On any other occasion, he would have probably been amused with her display of jealousy, but the way she was looking at him now, was causing his heart to pound painfully against his ribs. "O-on the lips, but I ...ah ...immediately pushed her away. I swear to God, I did nothing to inspire it." 

She rolled her head as if preparing for a fight, and when her eyes landed on the bottle of tequila he and her uncle had been drinking earlier, she made a beeline for it. "On the lips, huh? Did you like it?" She poured herself a healthy measure in one of the used glasses without offering him one and downed it in one go.

Christ! "No!" 

"Any tongue involved?"

"Of course not!"

"You sure?" She slammed the glass down on the table, making him flinch.

What the bloody hell? The questions she was throwing at him was making him squirm on his feet, and for the first time, Jamie realised how similar Claire and Quentin were when trying to extract an answer. Both would undoubtedly make great interrogators if ever they'd decided on a career change. "What kind of question is that? The kiss happened so fast, taking me by surprise. I didnae have time to think. She might have tried to put her tongue down my throat, but I stopped her."

"And where did this happen?"

"What do ye mean? I already told ye she stopped by. I was here ...at home." 

"I mean, did it happen inside or outside the cottage?" 

Jesus! "Outside." 

"Outside," she repeated, more to herself. 

"Aye, outside. She wanted to come in, but I told her I had things to do and was expecting a visitor ...yer uncle, that is. Anyway, that aside, I didnae think it was a good idea to allow her to come inside, knowing that she's my therapist and fancied her chances with me."

"Hmmm ...so when she threw herself at you, you pushed her away, is that right?" 

"Aye." 

"Where did her hands go?" 

Confusion seeped into his already muddled head. Is this some kind of trick question to catch me of any wrongdoing? "What do ye mean?" 

"Geneva's hands. Did it go around your waist, neck or what?" 

"Oh, um ...around my neck." 

"And what about your hands?" 

Huh? "What about them?"

"Where were your hands when she kissed you?"

"They were by my side. The only time I touched her was to push her away from me. Ask yer uncle. He saw the whole thing. I didnae even know he was there." 

"And he didn't sock you?"

"Why would he?" he almost shouted. "I didnae do a thing. It was Geneva who initiated it!"

"Fine."

"Fine?" he gasped in confusion.

She didn't answer. Instead, she turned around and took off her jacket. That's it? What the hell just happened? I gave her the truth, and that's supposed to be good, right? Or am I missing something? He followed her strained movement, and he helplessly watched her grabbed her laptop bag and rummaged through it, the silence pulsing around them bordering on awkwardness. This was definitely not how he'd envisioned their reunion, he thought miserably. 

"Sassenach," he began, choosing his words carefully. "I can tell ye're upset about the kiss. Ye ken ye've no reason to be, aye?"

She shook her head, refusing to look at him. "No," she agreed, relief washing over him. "I've no reason to." She pulled out sheets of paper from her bag, looked at them and haphazardly stuffed them back in again, seemingly going through the motion of keeping her hands busy. 

"Then why are ye cranky all of a sudden?"

She let go of her bag and grabbed the bottle of tequila, sloshing over the rim of the glass as she poured another shot. "I'm not." She grimaced as she threw back the liquid.

"Ye are." When she poured another drink, he frowned at her. "Go easy on that tequila, Sassenach."

Her head spun halfway round in his direction, reminding him of that wee girl in the film, The Exorcist. Her mouth dropped open, and she glared at him.

He forced himself to remain patient. Claire was visibly upset about something, and now he wasn't sure anymore if it had to do with Geneva's kiss. "Sometimes, I associate alcohol with bad judgments and choices," he began calmly. "My own, especially. But ye've helped me make a lot of good ones in the past, and ...I just want to do the same for ye. Talk to me, Sassenach. What's really bothering ye?"

She huffed and balled her fingers into tight fists. "Fine! Do you want to know the truth? I want to start a fight."

"A fight?" He reined in his frustration of not being able to understand and took a step closer to her. "Why would ye wanna do that?"

A deep scarlet soared from her neck to her cheeks as she threw her hands in the air. "The last few days were trying, alright? It wasn't only you who was having a rough time with it. God, I've been worried sick about you. I've been trying to keep it together ever since you left, wondering if I'll ever get to see you before I return to London. And then ...and then," she hiccupped, her hand flying to her mouth to stifle a sob. "One bloody thing led to another. First, I got into a fight with your sister because of some stupid newspaper clipping she had in her possession. Then, not long after that, in the middle of what was supposed to be an important meeting with Tom, my boss dumps the responsibility of babysitting Mary onto my lap, and I had no idea how I was going to manage that with my uncle on his way. Then I got to Inverness, hoping to get at least some work done with Mary to finish her book so I could finally leave London for good and start a new life here with you. And you know what?" 

Jamie stood immobile. He longed to soothe her, but he wasn't sure if she wanted to be touched yet, so he waited even though he was slowly dying inside to hold her in his arms.

Her inhale became stuttered, and her eyes darkened with defeat. "I was grasping at straws to keep Mary to sit still long enough to extract a measly one thousand seven hundred words worth of work when I know she could do more in a day. But that's all I got for my efforts because she was too busy galavanting in Inverness with Tom. And speaking of Tom, I still haven't managed to make him sign the contract for his book and when my boss asked me why I couldn't even give him an answer and gave him some lame excuse. The only good thing that came out of Tom is, he convinced Mary to come here. If Tom hadn't been with me, I'd still be in Inverness with Mary. And now ...now I find out Geneva tried to kiss you while I was away. God, I want to scratch her eyes out. But I can't do that, can I? Because she isn't here. So I asked you those dumb questions to find a fault and start a fight because I wanted to vent after the last few days I've had. But even that, I can't do because you've done nothing wrong." She let out a groan of exasperation. "How sad is that?"

Suddenly, it all made sense to Jamie. Claire always put others' needs before hers with no thought for herself. He had to take better care of her. It had been easy to rest all his hopes and fears on her shoulders, and because of it, she was a massive part of his motivation to want more out of his future and be a better man for them. But if they were going to be together, his condition shouldn't always be her fight, and her burdens should be lighter with him by her side and not more. This lass had given him hope, and he's not going to rest until he gave her the same. Until she, too, knew her needs were just as important as everyone else's.

The boyfriend in him wanted to wipe the look of upset in her eyes. Confront the people that pushed her to act out in a way so unlike her usual self. Demand answers to find out what else was troubling her. He sensed, however, that questioning was the last thing she needed. So doing his best to be the protector this time, he opened his arms, relieved when she quietly walked into them. She laid her head on his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist, and he held her, resting his chin on her crown.

After a few minutes of silence, she spoke haltingly. "I'm so sorry, Jamie. I didn't mean to pick a fight. It's just that ...." Her fingers tugged at the edge of his jeans, and he shut his eyes. He could hear the slight slur in her words, making him realise she'd drank tequila on an empty stomach. "The last few days have been mad, and I -I ...oh, hell, never mind. I'm just acting pathetic."

Jamie frowned against her head. "Sassenach, look at me." He drew slightly away and held the sides of her face in her hands, the unshed tears in her eyes crushing him to the core of his being. "First of all, ye have nothing to be sorry about. If anything, Tom, Mary, yer boss, my sister, including myself, owe ye an apology. And ye're no' pathetic and dinnae ever say that about yersel', ever again. Ye do far too much for others, including me, and it's about time ye did something for ye. The rest of the world can wait, and other people getting their act together is no' yer responsibility."

She blew out a breath, bright amber eyes holding his steady.

"As for Geneva, ye have nothing to worry about her. There was never anything between us. I'll talk to my sister and let her know what her friend has done. If Jenny refuses to do anything about it, I will make a formal complaint about Geneva's behaviour to the clinic's head myself. And perhaps, propose a new or my old therapist be reinstated."

"Jamie, I can't be responsible ..." 

"Ssshh, Sassenach. Ye're no' responsible for Geneva. She overstepped the boundaries, so it's only right she takes responsibility for her own actions." He pressed their foreheads together and looked her in the eyes. "I chose to be with ye as ye did with me, and I cannae have anyone disrespecting that, no' even Jenny. We're together, and we're supposed to be stronger as a unit. I need to step up my game and be there for ye as ye've been for me. For so long, I was so fixated on my own condition, I ceased seeing other people's difficulties." He pulled back and caressed her cheek with his thumb. "Then I met ye, my feisty wee, Sassenach ...for the second time as a grown-up ...and ye taught me all about selflessness and courage. I want ye to know ye're important ...more important than what I want or what Mary Hawkins wants or what yer boss wants. And the things that hurt ye, they're no less painful than what I go through. Things are gonnae change from now on, and it can't be just all about me. I'm so sorry for abandoning ye and for not being there when ye needed me most."

The worst of the troubled look in her expression faded and was replaced by a wobbly smile. "There's nothing to forgive. We were both trying our best to deal with circumstances that were beyond our control."

He smoothed her hair back, picking up the locks and twining his fingers through them. "No, ye were doing all the heavy lifting. Every moment ye spent with me was a trial of fortitude ye were too stubborn not to meet. It would have been easy for ye to give up on me, but ye didnae. Ye always thought I was enough despite my shortcomings. Ye taught me second chances, and because of that, I dinnae want to believe anymore I deserve no' to have ye." He took a deep breath. "I thought my realisation came too late when I thought ye were with Tom, and I was willing to go at any lengths to win ye back and make ye see what we have is worth fighting for. After what I did out there tonight, I ken I'll be teased for the rest of my life for singing like a fool at the village square, but it's all worth it because I get another chance with ye."

"Another chance with me? I never left you, Jamie. I may have been miffed and hurt, but I've always been yours." 

He shook his head, more at the error of his ways. "Deep down, I ken that but the mere thought of Tom with ye, all reason and logic seem to fly out the window. In the future, I promise to keep those thoughts at bay. It's no' good for my sanity." He smiled at her. "Shall we kiss and make up?"

Laughing, tears spilt from her eyes. "I thought you'd never ask."

The urgency that had been building up inside him went off like a gunshot. He drew her in closer. "Christ, I love you, Sassenach and always will." His mouth descended over hers, impressing his vow with a thorough tasting of her lips, savouring the earthy, semi-sweet taste of tequila on her tongue. His thumbs traced her cheekbones and jawline, and when she swayed closer, and the softness of her breasts flattened against his chest, he let out an animalistic groan.

His heart started to pound, every muscle south of his belt tightening. It was as though he'd been in a dry spell for five years instead of five days. His mouth went dry, his palms itched with the need to touch her naked skin, and his body was on fire as the pent-up desire from the past few days burst in a torrent of heat. He was ravenous for her taste and for her hand to encircle his hardness, and he indulged in her eager response that was opposite her usual shyness during lovemaking.

Restless fingers tangled into his hair, clasping his head in place as she kissed him back and met his demand with urgency. When her hips impatiently pressed against him, her scent invading his senses, his cock grew uncomfortably heavy.

He dragged his mouth from hers, twisting her hair in his fist. "Jesus, if ye dinnae take it down a notch, I'll burst in my pants like a schoolboy."

She blinked as if coming from a long sleep, her lips wet and puffy from his kisses and cheeks bright pink. She gave him a slow smile that promised unspoken pleasures, sending his heart up to his mouth. "Not my fault," she hummed, going up on her toes to teasingly brush her mouth over his. "You made me wait this long." Maintaining eye contact, she took a step back and stripped off her clothes, revealing her matching red bra and panty. "So enough talk, Jamie. I can't wait much more. I want you now," she whispered huskily.

Her words did it. His lust-filled brain only gave him a split second to process what she'd just said before the need to be inside her dismissed everything else. That urge he'd felt to make up for lost time raced out of control. He could only see Claire with her dazed eyes, parted lips and loads of naked skin.

He seized her hips, walking her backwards and crowding her against the dining table, pushing the chairs aside to make space. Her breath rose and fell in a choppy rhythm as his mouth dipped for a desperate kiss.

Her mouth moved in perfect unison with his, wee sounds vibrating up her throat, ending where their lips frantically worked together. Lust pumping in his veins, he roughly settled her sweet bottom on the table and gingerly hooked his fingers into the lacey band of her knickers, shoving it down her legs. When she began tugging at the waistband of his jeans, he groaned into her mouth, knowing she needed him just as bad.

"I planned to make slow love to ye tonight. But now I cannae ...because I cannae wait to have ye." His hand slipped between their bodies, and he palmed her between her thighs. Ah, sweet Jesus! Sliding a finger deep into the wet heat of her entrance, he tested and teased, revelling the way her fingernails dug onto the skin of his shoulders in response, his head spinning at the feel of her moistness. "Christ, ye look so needy, ye're giving me nae choice but to take ye right here ...like a wild beast."

"Oh, shoosh, Jamie. Quit talking about it now. You want it just as bad." She began to undo his belt buckle, nipping at his neck as she yanked and shoved. When he was finally freed, he nearly fainted at the relief of no longer being restrained to his jeans. The relief was fleeting, though, when her smooth hands encircled his throbbing cock, her tight grip moving up and down, twisting at the base, preparing him when the only thing he needed was to be inside her. Ah, Christ, but it feels so good. Far too good ...

He couldn't take it anymore. He knew he wouldn't last long. "Enough!" he gritted. 

She gave him a look like he'd just taken her favourite toy. She unhooked her bra in retaliation and pushed her breasts up like an offering. His breath caught in his throat, stunned by the vision, her eyes, a translucent gold gleaming with arousal, beckoning him to take his fill.

He parted her legs and fisted his cock before rubbing its tip at her entrance. "I've missed ye so much. I might not last long, but I want this to be good for ye," he whispered hoarsely. "I may be a bit rough," He dipped his head, forcing her back to arch like a bow as he bestowed kisses on her breasts. "Are ye alright with that?" 

She nodded, feeling her shudder with anticipation and need. 

"Is that what ye want?" 

"Yes," she whispered. "Take me however you want." 

He whipped off his top and lowered his hand to her buttock, coasting his palm over the firm, rounded flesh and squeezing it tight. "Wrap yer legs around me."

Claire's legs wrapped around his middle and her arms around his neck. Her thighs glid around his waist with such exquisite perfection that he had to bite the tender flesh on the side of her neck to stop from shouting. The friction of his cock sliding between her legs where he'd touched with his fingers was too much. Almost propelling him past his breaking point. Too impatient to take the time to savour, he gripped himself and pushed deep into her entrance.

Watching her teeth bite onto her bottom lip as if to stop a scream from escaping, he groaned out loud as he pushed inch by inch, his focus whittling down to Claire and the heat enveloping his cock. Everything ceased to exist. He pulled out slightly before thrusting again, their mutual moans resounding on the walls of the cottage.

He shifted closer, needing to feel and touch all of her as possible. Keeping their lips locked, he seized her hips and started to move to the ancient dance of mating. There were no words to express the rough, grinding pace of what he did to her. It only bloomed more intense when she began matching his moves, widening her thighs and rolling her hips like she couldn't get enough.

"Oh sweet Lord, ye feel too good," he muttered against her mouth, hips pounding furiously. "How did I stay away from this?" 

She gripped the back of his neck. "I missed this too," she gasped. "Please don't stop." 

"I'm not hurting ye, am I? Tell me if I'm too rough." 

"No ...no, don't be gentle. I need you to take me hard." 

A tide surged inside him, mounting and building like a storm. Jamie roughly raised her hips to reposition her, dragging her arse to the edge of the table, her sweet moans telling him she'd like that. Unable to think past how she wanted it harder, there was no easing down now. He could only yank her leg higher and demand she keep up, ramming into her rough and fast. Her sighs and breath came out like hot rushes of air, thighs squeezing around him and starting to tremble. When her internal walls clenched around his cock, it warned him of her imminent climax, making his balls drew up so tight they ached. He dragged her flush to his body and buried his face in her neck, grunting with every deep thrust and muttering her name while his own release clamoured in his belly. 

"Jamie!" she screamed, convulsing against him. He immediately silenced her cries with a deep kiss, but she flung her head back and squirmed, tightening up where their bodies joined, pulsing and throbbing. "Oh my God."

He couldn't wait any longer. Hooking his arms under her legs, he pumped his hardness in jerky hauls, faster and faster until his visions blurred. The whimpering noises she made launched him higher, signalling his own peak, and he soared towards it, his climax made more intense from the knowledge that it was Claire who got him there. He thrust into her one final time and thrust deep, growling her name into her hair and squashing her to his chest as he'd borne the full force of what they'd done.

"Oh, Christ, Sassenach." 

Her hands ran up and down his back as she continued to take huge gulps of air. He knew he was crushing her, but he wasn't ready to let go. He wanted to remain buried inside her, holding her like this. With her heels digging into his arse and her arms around his neck. They fitted perfectly, her softness cradling his boneless heap, making him hard as steel again. Some part of his brain must have still been functioning because he jerked and reached out for her bra to cover her when his doorbell rang. Christ! Forcing his body to move with marginal success, he yanked her up and pulled up his jeans.

Claire slid off the table and grabbed her clothes. "Who could that be?"

"That better not be yer uncle or ..." Jamie trailed off, muttering curses under his breath, annoyed at the disturbance as he was just revving up for part two of their lovemaking. When he opened the door, a sense of deja vu hit him when he saw Mrs Fitz standing there with what seemed like a plate of a lemon meringue pie. What the fuck?

"Mrs Fitz!"

The older woman didn't bother to hide her curiosity this time as her eyes tried to peer past his shoulders. "Heard ye have company, lad, and I havenae seen Miss Claire the last couple of days."

He was about to say "none of her business" when Claire came up behind him, dressed back in her jeans and top. "Mrs Fitz, how are you? Is everything alright?"

Jamie stepped back and observed how Mrs Fitz's eyes widened in pleasant surprise. He figured instantly, his neighbour must have seen that kiss from Geneva earlier and that she'd probably thought the worse of him after hearing Claire's passionate screams. Right there and then, he decided, this time, he definitely needed to soundproof his home from eavesdropping neighbours.

"Ach, I saw light in yer windows," Mrs Fitz beamed, ignoring Jamie's glare. "Ye see, I've made too many pies and thought ye might like one. I remember ye enjoying this when ye stayed with yer friend over at my place this past Christmas."

"Oh, how lovely," Claire gushed, taking the plate from Mrs Fitz. "Thank you so much. Just what Jamie and I need right now ..." She blushed profusely, contemplating her words. "...after a long day."

Mrs Fitz clapped her hands. "I thought that!" 

Seeing how thrilled Claire was looking at the desert, Jamie tamped down the urge to say something sarcastic and just scowled at her.

Mrs Fitz must have read his thoughts as this time it was her turn to crimson, a probable sign of her guilt for being nosey. Suddenly at a loss for words, she rubbed her palms at her sides. "Weel, ye both enjoy it. I must get going as it's rather late. Good night, both of ye." With that, she whirled around and disappeared into the night.

He shut the door and sighed, and followed Claire to the kitchen. 

"Lovely lady," Claire remarked, sniffing the pie before placing it on the counter.

He turned her around and kissed her slowly, groaning when she opened her mouth for him without hesitation. "Ye're lovelier," he said against her lips. "But I'm not done with ye yet."

She grinned. "Pie first?"

Realising he'd never be able to compete with Mrs Fitz's homemade pie, he laughed out loud. "Absolutely ...why not?"

Dear Readers,

Well, here you go, their reunion! I hope you've enjoyed this lust-filled chapter. I must admit, though, when I was editing the sex part, I deliberately drank Bloody Mary to lose a bit of inhibition and make the scene a bit grittier. I hope it worked, but if it's too dirty for you, I say tough! 😆 Just kidding!

Anyway, thank you for commenting and showing your appreciation for my writing and your well wishes. I don't always reply back but be assured, your feedback is very much appreciated and anticipated. 

And before I forget, it's not long now before this arc finishes. There will be an arc three, and I will let you know more on my next update.

Signing off now and wishing you a fabulous weekend. Stay safe and always take care! X

[thequibblah]

can i get a director's cut about no regrets coyote xoxoxo

for u bestie? anything. even a longass ramble

literally when i read this series back i'm like wow did someone tell you to write Voicy Fic did someone tell you to enhance the Voice jkhajkkgd

as is my dangerous new tendency i wrote this out of order (every time i admit this im like fuck someone's going to read this and go oh yeah that really tracks kdfhgjkd) so the cokeworth stuff came in pretty late — but one thing i was super excited about with this instalment was opening up the world of the story.

not just in a geographical sense, though that does happen, but in every possible way, i wanted the reality of life tee em to seep in here. like, there's no whirlwind romance (...yet), there are logistics, there's a good deal of guilt like when lily lies to alice. is it REALLY no regrets coyote?? and my favourite avenue to open up was lily's personal life. we already know a little about her ex (and, you'll be so pleased to hear, we will know even more) but i knew digging into her backstory would be so fun and hopefully a little surprising too. maybe it's the nature of this AU or just all jameses, but it's easier for the reader to extrapolate what his life was like pre the start of wtrf than it is for lily (at least, that was the hope).

i wanted her life to be a little less glamorous, HA, partly because we have to believe she'd take the puddlemere job despite very little interest in it (at first). but there's lots of degrees to that. i don't fancy having her wallow in misery for the sake of it, and moreover what i love exploring through these characters isn't, like, backbreakingly sad circumstance but everyday frustration. how pitifully mundane to have parents whose expectations for you are well-meaning but a hefty burden; how ordinary for your squabbles with your sister poke at your insecurities far too often. as much as the reality of lily's childhood was different from (presumed) canon because of this AU, it's also...kind of not. which was so so fun, trying to figure out how growing up around magic with everyone knowing what magic is might still make her feel like an outsider in her home — like she's both a weirdo and someone on a pedestal, and she wants to be neither but but could never just shuck the expectations entirely. (it takes no fine-toothed comb to pick out this element in all my lilys and if you think this is some personal unpacking going on, please refer me to a therapist or don't bring it up at all x)

i feel like this series has thus far been Very James (which is natural because of the setting/premise and also because he has chronic wont shut up disease, and also because i weirdly wrote more from his pov i think which is new for me even tho hes my self insert) and wanted to start to balance that out a little. so keep an eye out for the ways in which canon intersects with lily's life!!!! (i'm dropping hints that sn*pe might come up possibly maybe)

oh that was a fucking digression ok

sidenote everyone knows this is my fundamental thesis of jily: thee partners against the dursleys KJHJKHAJAK

Not only do they bring out the worst in each other, they never play fair. It’s hardly manageable to argue with them when there’s only one of me.

anyway, despite this all being written out of order i wound up pretty happy with the reason why lily kind of loses her head about james the week following her visit to cokeworth. bless her, she's going thru it

oooh so the conversation about the rules tee em (by doja cat dot mp3) was the note on which i started drafting. i know some people were like wow are they really going to talk about it and i deliberated having them put it off for longer, but then i was like no i'm too impatient for that — and realistically speaking, they're at least both responsible enough to know they need to hash it out. (james! responsible!)

and it was v important to me that the conversation was not just a vehicle for james being overwhelmingly james and lily being like well what am i getting into here.......... but also frank and not without its hitches. like, if i had to point to a part of this conversation i think is the most important, it would be right at the start when james is being teasing and lily's like, uh, no, stop that, this is my job. i mean, it's realistic for who she is (and truthfully she hasn't known him long enough to not snap back in that moment) but i as a Person am keenly aware of the power difference between them in terms of leverage with the team, and i think to have them pretend not to realise it would be dishonest.

so much of my favourite parts of james's canon arc have to do with reckoning with privilege, and while not every story has to be That Heavy a necessary angle of the cultural and socioeconomic difference between them (which as i said somewhere else, i actually really like preserving because of the rich, fertile conflict — and opportunity for growth — it affords) is like. unease. i don't think fanfiction has to entirely shy away from big subjects. like, there's certainly a place for Pure Just Smut (which i've written myself hahaha) but i didn't want this to be that (what would all that worldbuilding be for!!!!) and LIFE is uneasy, and life is out here imitating art!!!

and so i wanted to use this opportunity to like. through this device of the team/having to keep things secret reflect back some facets of their personalities both to the reader and to each other. for james that's what he does with power. he's grown up in a way that means he's basically always had it, only he's rarely lorded it over people when not an actual stupid child, and the very humbling experience of having his longest dream stall at age 18 means he's even less likely to do so. this is something lily has to see from him, if she is to trust him.

for lily it's what she does with risk. she's a careful person, she likes plans and control, and when we see her at the start of the story shes basically had both those things chucked out the window. (in short she's at the same point in her arc that james was at when he was 18/post the injury — he's out of the tunnel and she's just in it) it's important for james not just to see that she's not put-together and cold and way, way above him, but also to see when and where she's reckless, and with what. it's like a roundabout way of realising what matters to her (so she'll be careful with it), but also of seeing when she says fuck it because something matters to her too much.

basically for something that is "Not A Relationship" this thing is SOOOOO a test drive for a relationship akjhsjkhjsfgk

another quick point: i was glad to be able to subvert the no-feelings trope, mostly because i didnt think there was anything new i could add to it. (like, they're like no feelings, and then someone catches feelings, duh of course obv [disregard that i just wrote this in something else plz]) there are other rules i am much more excited for them to break >:) im also aware that the like. romantic/sexual/dating politics here are mayyybe suspect for the 70s i think (though i tried not to let too much 21st century thinking seep into me, i have on my to-do to read the ethical slut fOR FANFICTION literally i am a joke) but i hope u guys will forgive me for that xx

oh! ted lasso viewers will also probably have guessed that singer cancelling on charity gala was totally 100% stolen from season 1. it's elton john here just because hes a cool guy <3 and my favourite thing was having literally everyone call him "elton" like theyre all best fucking buds with him, it is HYSTERICAL to me when people do that to celebrities in like a professional capacity.

[obligatory pause in my skim of my own fic to say wow i love sports]

also i caCKLED when i managed to squeeze in that james isn't in the calendar. who out here wa slike wow lilys gonna see his sports illustrated body issue pinup calendar photoshoot lets go only to be suckered by ME

is his non-participation a symptom of the fact that he is not at 100% confidence and yes it is

also i'll own that this, while it's no tripping was for other people, is my single favourite brief instance of my own james characterisation

"...you could live somewhere beautiful and expensive.” I know my answer, but it takes a moment to figure out how to start it. “My cousin, she can’t sit still. This place is just so her parents know what address she comes back to occasionally. I’ve never been like that. All that time in Italy, I—” Wanted to come home, I think but do not say. It’s true; I was so homesick I thought I’d physically be sick because of it sometimes. The worst thing was how much it hurt to be back in England in the offseason. Even seeing a Quidditch advert soured my stomach, like spotting an ex who’d moved on too quick. But I didn’t just want to return home, I wanted to be welcomed back. I wanted my resentment gone. “I couldn’t have gone anywhere else,” I finish lamely. She props her chin in one hand. Her gaze is still fixed on me, curious but not probing. “Plenty of places would’ve gladly had you.” I concede this with a nod, but— “I couldn’t.”

I WANTED MY RESENTMENT GONE!!! I DID SOMETHING WITH THAT AND I WILL NOT BE QUIET ABOUT IT!!!!

ahem

hmm ok and then smut happens

more about lily's workplace experiences later, but i also wanted to emphasise not just how cool tee em alice is, but also how important it is for lily to have her approval and respect. lily of course admires the shit out of alice for her composure and her drive, and learning she was a scholarship kid at a fancy magical school sort of reduces the distance between them — she's like, oh, maybe i could be like her!! that's why alice's apology means quite a bit earlier in this chapter even if it's over something fairly minor, and that's why lily feels so bad about lying to her. she's aware of how big it is to have an older female mentor figure (blah blah blah suze ok u denizen of corporate america) at work and she doesn't want to fuck it up...but she's kind of already fucked it up and only digging herself in deeper. Yes there will be consequences

and another thing i like about the episodic bursts of these chapters is that i get to end on WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT bits all the time and don't feel too terrible about it!

i think i've exhausted everything i had to say and it's definitely more than u were expecting xoxo ly

[the-moon-prince]

The Last Of us~Kurapika x Reader ~Chapter I

AN: Hi my lovely fellows! I’m making a Kurapika x reader! This will be the first chapter. Overall I’m trying my best for you to insert yourself in the story as good as you can. However, some point who are going to be relevant in the plot a little further, like (Y/n)’s age, Profession and first language have been modified.This is my debut as a fanfiction writer here on tumblr! 

As now, I wish you a pleasant read, and I hope you’ll enjoy the first chapter of my story. (Second coming soon!)

Paring: Kurapika Kurta x GN! Reader

Word count: 2 783

TW: None!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5 am The buzzing sound of the alarm loaded Kurapika's ears. The same noise as every morning. Another day to go on. He woke up with this peculiar feeling, but so familiar to him. That unnamed pain hit him again as his senses started to stir. The bed beneath him felt cold and foreign. The morning was dull to him. Seeking to shake the feeling away, he sat up and stretched. His limbs felt heavy, his eyes burned. Just another morn after a terrible night with limited sleep and disagreeable dreams. That tiredness was omnipresent in his life for the last months.  He immediately saw the space that wrapped him. Empty, just the drawer, nightstand, a lamp, and blank white walls. Finally, getting up from the bed and arranging the also white sheets. Going to the drawer and pulling out his work uniform; a white shirt, black trousers, black tie, and a black jacket. Taking his loose pajama pants and shirt off and starting to button the white shirt. Thinking annoyed at how he had to abide another day Neon dramatically said how sad, miserable, and lonely she felt. The fairly frustrating attitude she had been insisting on the last weeks. What did she know about misery and solitude? Once dressed, he left his bedroom to the tiny hall of his apartment. Leading to the small room alongside his. The big black door remained in front of him. He stared at it for a moment. A certain doubt in his mind made its presence. Lastly, he opened the door, glancing at the scarlet eyes floating on the jars displayed in the room, and closed the door. The emptiness seemed greater than the last morning. He wondered one more time while putting his shoes on, what did he yearn? What did he lack to feel once more this abyss? He stepped outside his home and took a deep breath, the swampy air feeling his lungs. And head straight to the Nostrade mansion. He passed the big entrance gate, the security of the Nostrade's residence, and arrived at the main room. Unlike what Kurapika might have thought moments ago, there was something new that morning. An unknown person was sitting on one of the multiple couches, apparently waiting. Wich piqued his curiosity. Their guise was quite formal and unique, white cigarette bottoms and a moss-green long-sleeved sweater with a white dress shirt underneath. However, the shirt's collar was embroidered with a peculiar decoration. A botanic motif of tiny red, yellow and blue flowers plus green leaves was along the tip of the collar. Naturally, Kurapika carefully observed the intruder to determine if it was a possible menace. The individual had (long/short/medium/ with bangs) (curly/straight/wavy)(hair color) hair; it was loose and a bit messy. Some strands were framing their face. Their body had a juvenile apparent, around one or two years younger than him however their face looked more childlike. Their gaze was lowered into the book, so Kurapika was unable to see the eyes. He just saw the (long/short) eyelashes moving with the occasional blinks the person gave and some eye bags from fatigue.   They were sitting with their legs crossed, one hand was holding the book, and the other was rubbing the green fabric of the sweater between the index and the thumb. They gave an overall serene aura. It wasn't long before a butler came near Kurapika. -"Mr.Kurapika, Sir. Nostrade requested to have the young guest to his office. For security reasons Sir. Nostrade wants one of the bodyguards to watch over the guest. Please take them there." Kurapika agreed with a quick "understood" and made his way towards the outsider. Kurapika stopped in front of the sitting figure. "Excuse me, Mx"- The person reading gave a slight quiver in surprise to immediately put the book down and look up at him with a subtle and soft smile. Despite looking up at him, they didn't look directly into his eyes, fixing more in his mouth.- "Mr.Nostrade charged me to take you to his office, please accompany me." he addressed the outsider with a secure tone. "Hello, and thank you" was the quiet response the stranger gave him. Getting up and ranging the book in a black side bag. "This way." The person quietly followed behind him through the hallway, examining the distinct decorations and pieces of furniture all over the mansion. Once the both of them arrived at the office's door, Kurapika gave a knock, letting their attendance be known, followed by a grave "Come in" from Light Nostrade. Kurapika rapidly opened the door and entered the room. At the center of the room was Light Nostrade, sitting at his big wooden desk. Accompanying the desk, a coffee table and matching sofas were placed over a luxurious carpet. In one of the sofas, Neon was sitting playing with one of her stuffed toys. Mr. Nostrade without a word gave the guest sign with his hand to sit down in one of the chairs in front of his desk, as the foreigner obliged. "Neon, this is (Y/n), they're your new companion and therapist. As you have let me know lately, you've been feeling bored and alone. As your dad, your welfare concerns me. So I searched for one of the best professionals to improve your state." -The man addressed the young girl next to him, to take the phone to his desk right away and address it to someone on the other line-"Let the rest of Neon's bodyguards in" -In an instant, the rest of the bodyguards entered the room- "Mx. (Y/n) present yourself to the rest" Mr.Nostrade finally ordered. (Y/n) got up in a unique move from the chair, and facing the rest of the company in the chamber, with their hands clasped in front of their body, they declared "Hello, I'm (Y/n) it's a pleasure to meet and work along with you."-(Y/n) presented themselves with a small politeness reverence, then they turned to faced Neon-"Neon, I am a Doctor with a specialization in psychiatry medicine. I, moreover, am a certified Hunter and I'm here to take care of your psychological and physical integrity. If required I can protect you in case of aggression. Besides I'm here to treat your loneliness and improve your mental health. I honestly hope my faculties will help develop several health skills!" they finally finished, all the discourse was made with the same quiet and kind voice tone, with the subtitle smile never leaving their face.  After the quick initiation, Neon's face went from attentive to a worried grimace to shout "DAD!!! AM I SICK?!?" (Y/n) tilted their head and stepped to Neon softly reassuring her "No Neon, don't worry, you're not sick. I am here just to prevent you from being sick. I'll take good care of your mental and physical state and keep you amity so you remain as happy and healthy as always! In other words, I'm your private psychotherapist." Following those words of reassurance Neon's face lights up in a smile "YAY, So you're my new companion! Finally, I won't be so bored around here! I'm Neon, but you seem to already know my name. You look strangely young, you know? Plus you have a weird accent when you talk!" Of course, Neon added lacking discretion as always. (Y/n) just tilted their head once more, without changing their friendly air they responded "Of course I have an accent, Neon, all chic and elegant people have one, like David Bowie or Kate Bush. And regarding my age, It's judged preferable to have someone closer to your age to establish a more organic cooperative relationship." -The response to the rude observations of Neon was devoid of any malice, it was rather merry and kind, giving Neon the sensation of friendship and calm -"If you'd prefer to consider me your "companion" is fine. As planned with your father, I will be with you every Tuesday, Thursday from 11:00 am to 8:00 pm and Saturdays from 2:30 pm to 7:30 pm. But today as being our first day, I'll be entire with you!" The grin on Neon's face just became wider "YOU'LL SEE, I AM GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN FROM NOW ON!''-Neon called once more, grabbing (Y/n) from their arm and dragging them somewhere. The (hair colored) didn't protest, just flinched to the sudden touche-"COME TO MY ROOM, WE HAVE SO MUCH TO DO!" The stranger's identity and intentions finally became clear for Kurapika, letting him discard (Y/n) as a hazard. We followed them into Neon's room to guard the Nostrade's teenager. Hours passed by. Neon talked about all the nonsense she could think of, as (Y/n) seemed to pay special attention to every word the girl spitted out. Sometimes making some comments and writing down in a little (fav color) notebook with a little cat they took off their said bag. Kurapika was just sitting on one of the couches, some sort of relieved to have someone else to take care of Neon's heavy personality and tantrums. "She even seems calmer today, having some entertainment will be profitable to her. " he thought. Even if Neon was, in fact, calmer that day, you could still hear her from across the room. "Your notebook is really cute, you know? Where did you get it? Cats are SOOOOO cute! I want one like that!" "Thank you Neon! I got it at the novelty store in the Mall that's in the center of the town. I go near there quite often, I can get you one if you'll like. Also, I think I'm going to take my break now if you don't mind. I will go make some tea, would you wish some, Neon?" (Y/n) actively added to the chat, even if it's their first day, they seemed to fuse nicely with Neon, rather odd due to Neon's personality. "Nah, I don't like tea" the teen finally responded, getting a soft nod in agreement as an answer. (Y/n) got up from the chair they were sitting on and headed to the employee's kitchen. Not much time later, they came back with a cup of tea and a bottle full of tea. To Kurapika's surprise, (Y/n) handed him the cup of tea with the soft smile of always.  They simply added an "I made you some tea, you appeared a touch worn, I hope it's okay".  That was the first of many little acts of kindness (Y/n) had with him. They would make him some tea regularly in the day or ask about his day during the breaks. During the following weeks in which (Y/n) was going to give therapy to Neon, a lot of things could be perceived. The first was the improvement in Neon's attitude. Being gradually more used to friendly human interaction, and having a better understanding of her frustrations. The second was about (Y/n), they were a rather nice person, gaining some sort of  (or what was the most resembled) sympathy from Neon, which was a feat considering the lack of empathy of Neon. They were polite to everyone in the Nostrade's mansion, and their job as Neon's special doctor was their 4th job. Melody, during a casual chat, learned that (Y/n) worked Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturday mornings as a Psychoanalyst between a Psychiatric ward and a Private Doctor's Cabinet, and the mornings of the days she came to assist the Nostrade's daughter as an intermediary liaison psychiatrist (basically someone who gives psychiatric supportive treatment in non-specialized unities) in the YorkNew General Hospital Center. This explains largely the eyebags and exhaustion for which (Y/n) has earned comments from Neon such as "You know you have eyebags?". Also, that (Y/n) has 18 years of age (sorry dear readers if it's not your age, but this will be relevant for the plot, so please let me this one pass), remarkably young to be an accredited doctor. And they were "precocious" on their own words- as Melody said- And the third and last thing, noticed essentially by Kurapika was about (Y/n) comportment and personality. Even if (Y/n) was kind and polite to everyone, they were incredibly discreet. They acted with prudence in virtually all aspects, from their appearance to their very presence. Like if (Y/n) was hiding and acting from the shadow (Melody also commented about this borderline anxiety). Additionally, all the movements (Y/n) made were prudent and meticulously planned, which made Kurapika realize the intelligence (Y/n) had. He also could tell English was not (Y/n)'s first language. They had a peculiar pronunciation and spoke with a large and fancy vocabulary. Those things greatly aroused Kurapika's curiosity, but the part of (Y/n) that triggered that curiosity the most was related to (Y/n)'s eyes. They were very careful with the subject. So careful indeed that they were even subtle with the care they treated the subject. Were tiny and nearly unimportant actions from (Y/n) that made Kurapika realize the importance of their eyes. (Y/n) never looked anyone in the eyes. Sometimes, during the break, when feeling exhausted or overwhelmed, (Y/n) would close their eyes and cover them with one hand. The biggest event of all was one time he listened to Neon through the door curiously ask  "Hey (Y/n), what happens with your eyes?" and, when he opened the door to see if everything was correct, (Y/n)'s eyes were normal. As if nothing had happened. Kurapika had for sure some inquiries regarding (Y/n). However, all of his suspicions became more prominent with a precise action from (Y/n). One day, Neon decided to show (Y/n) her body part collection. "(Y/n) You're a doctor, I'm sure you're going to love this! You know about these things, You'll be able to appreciate my glorious collection!" Neon was bragging about how happy she was with her various articles. "I have hearts, livers, fetuses, all the parts of the brain, some left and right lungs, and a pancreas. And my favorite of them all! A pair of beautiful scarlet eyes!" Neon made a special address on how rare the scarlet orbs were and how proud she was of them, she even played with them a little. And for the first time, (Y/n) didn't say a thing. Their perpetual smile even faded a little. During the whole episode, Kurapika remained sitting on a chair. Hearing that kind of discourse about his clan's eyes was hurtful and infuriating. How could she talk in such a manner of his fellow Kurtas? With no compassion, like if they were a mear object. It was sickening. A dull and hurt expression plastered on Kurapika's face. He was so immersed in his thoughts, he didn't notice it already was break time. If it wasn't for (Y/n) who came to sit beside him in an attempt to comfort his sorrow. (Y/n) had their gaze lowered and, for the first time, wasn't smiling. It wasn't a gloomy face, more like a flat expression. They didn't say a word and just stayed near him. Similar as if they seemed to comprehend. It wasn't until Kurapika looked at (Y/n) that they gave him a tiny smile. Nevertheless, this smile wasn't like the usual one. It was more caring, full of empathy and kindness, but also pain. None of them said a single word. And even if he never stated a thing about the subject, Kurapika felt a little comforted. At the end of that day, where everyone was heading to their own houses after such a hard working-day, (Y/n) came to Kurapika. He deduced they would just wish him a nice night. Except it wasn't the case. "Kurapika, pardon me, may I speak to you for a bit, pretty please?" (Y/n) mumbled to him, with the identical smile as always. A bit confused by their request, Kurapika responded, "Sure (Y/n), how may I help you?"  forthwith to its answer (Y/n) made him follow them to a more private place behind the Nostrade's mansion. (Y/n) looked down as they had their hands in front of their chest, similar to the pose of a meerkat, and was fidgeting with their fingers. "Kurapika"- then they looked up to him-"I know I'm putting my life on the line. Yet, what I'm about to do is an act of desperation wholly motivated by my conclusion. Are you somehow related to the scarlet eyes?" 

[jebazzled]

They can’t ALL be serial killers: keeping your villains funky fresh

Ah, villains. Spicy assholes. Tricky buggers.

Villains can be very intimidating to write: writing requires you to put yourself in the shoes of another person, which is one thing to do with a decent person. But when you are putting yourselves in the shoes of a bad one - whether it be someone who is simply not very likeable or someone who functions in an antagonistic capacity to a story or rp universe’s hero - well, it can be uncomfortable. 

I didn’t start writing villains until well into my rp career, and I can’t think of a single character I wrote in my undergraduate creative writing degree who was an asshole. I now write a small handful of them - and like most things, I don’t think writing a villain is quite as scary as we sometimes build it up to be in our minds!

That said, writing a villain is an exercise in nuance, and this is something that is often missing from antagonistic characters. In this tutorial, we’ll talk about what makes a villain, and what makes a villain a well-rounded character. 

Triggers, mentioned largely in passing as examples: criminal activity, murder, assault, child abuse, car accident, drunk driving, animal abuse

What makes a villain?

Generally, when we talk about villains, it’s in the context of a narrative, some sort of overall plot theme where there is Good and there is Evil. Think: Death Eaters, the Dark Side, the Horde, the Daleks, the Orcs, etc, etc etc. For the purposes of this tutorial, I’m talking about characters who serve in that antagonistic role, but everything can also be applied to characters who are just shitty people without a part to play in any larger scheme. 

In a plot context, per Oxford Languages, a villain is “a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.” To be important to the plot, you do have to post, and if that’s something you’re struggling with, you might want to check out my Writer’s Block TED Talk ;)

A villain can have any number of reasons for being Like That: perhaps they were raised with a particular worldview, or were targeted by a negative influence at an impressionable and vulnerable stage, or genuinely believe they are doing the right and good thing. Maybe they’re just an asshole. In-character, your character likely doesn’t identify as a villain (because everyone is the hero of their own story) and in-character, your character might have friends, allies, and others with varying knowledge of your character’s misdeeds. 

However, out-of-character, you and other writers should recognize that your character is a shitty person. Writing one-dimensional, universally terrible assholes isn’t much fun, though. Which is where nuance comes in. 

Give your character other traits than “evil.” 

Unless your character is THE Big Bad - the Voldemort, the Sauron, the Hordak Prime - there is no reason for them to be Ultimate Evil, and writing them as an endless wash of evil will be boring for you to write and boring for other people to read. Your character should be something other than naughty. 

Using my own handful of villains/bad guys as examples, since obviously I take my own advice, and with apologies that 99% of my rp writing is in the HP verse:

Claude is a Death Eater as well as second-in-command of the magical mafia. He’s an expert blackmailer, has no qualms with murder, and can get pretty gruesome about it if he’s pressed to make a point. He also doesn’t drink, is a devoted father (has framed finger paintings in his study! drinks the pink lemonade his daughters love in crystal rocks glasses!), uses weird slang (”beat it, bozo!”) and takes the family spaniel on daily walks through Kensington Gardens. 

Cleo is a Death Eater and a lifelong bully, prone to theft, physical abuse, and with a knack for the Cruciatus Curse. She’s also deeply insecure, with an unshakeable need to be seen as useful; she’s competitive, and she’s horny enough to drop her purist pretense if a Muggle girl is what’s easiest to get her rocks off. 

Sadie is a squib spying on Order-organized safehouses for the Death Eaters. She’s also intensely curious and ambitious, determined and self-directed, and if she doesn’t understand emotions, it certainly doesn’t stop her from understanding how to manipulate them to maintain the illusion that she is not a threat. 

All three of these character concepts are more compelling than:

Veronica is rude, hates people, is outwardly mean to everyone she meets, uses cultural slurs on the regular.

We get it! Veronica is a shitty person! What else is she? In real life, shitty people typically do find camaraderie somewhere, somehow. Maybe Richie is a total asshole but has made a lot of money from his hedge fund, and he is generous enough with his yacht, ski condo, and jet that he has an entourage he thinks are genuinely his friends. Maybe Kaiytlynn is selfish and entitled, but her access to the entire royal family of Spain keeps her gainfully employed, and she’s genuinely good with her bedazzled bra business. Maybe Claudia is a giant racist, and she’s also YouTube’s most popular craft video creator. 

In real life, maybe there are some shitty people who exhibit fully antisocial behaviors and are rewarded for it. But this is fiction writing, and moreover, it is collaborative fiction writing, and Veronica is not a character who is fun or enjoyable to plot with. Antagonistic plots can have more trouble finding their footing than strictly romantic ones - but they can be fun and rewarding, provided that the antagonist is a compelling one. 

Let your character be something other than “evil.”

Give your character a cover.

More specifically than a trait other than “evil,” give your character a cover. By this I mean: give your character an angle that obscures their true colors, something that lures people - good people and bad people - into a sense of safety. 

Give your character something that keeps other characters from taking one quick look at yours and immediately clocking them as a bad guy. 

In real life, it often takes time to realize toxic people are toxic. In real life, people enjoy circumstances that make people less likely to view them as toxic - just look at the number of people who think Jeff Bezos’s obscene wealth is a marker of his merit as a human being. 

If your character commits a murder a week, is actively abusive to everyone they meet, and has no relationships with any other characters who might vouch for them - idk, man, I think your character is going to get caught! If your character is a quiet and unobtrusive owner of a vintage boutique, however? Well, they certainly don’t scream “IT’S ME! I’M BAD TO THE MOTHERFUCKING BONE!”

In the case of my bad guys:

Claude is a doting husband and father, notably not ascribing to purist tendencies that discourage women from work outside the home. He does legitimate work in real estate and investments, in addition to his shady dealings, to have a legally-sound paper trail should he ever be investigated. His family money funds an entire wing at St. Mungo’s Hospital, and he contributes to political campaigns for centrist politicians. He presents as a harmless goofball. He killed a man well before he turned seventeen. He almost went to Azkaban before graduating from Hogwarts. (”Oh, but he’s on the straight and narrow now!”)

Claude’s cover is that he masquerades as a genuinely good person, and a nice person. When people think about his old-money Sacred 28 family and what that might mean for Claude’s political activity, they also think about how he is a Gryffindor - not known for churning out Death Eaters - and they think about how he doesn’t seem intense enough to be a Death Eater. They don’t suspect enough to have much to go on. 

Cleo works as an Auror, and she’s genuinely good at her job - if only because she manipulates cases away from incriminating Death Eaters and their allies and occasionally Imperiuses a contact or two from her days as a Knockturn Alley bouncer to frame them for a crime. She doesn’t use slurs like “mudblood” at the office and doesn’t talk about blood status there, either. She doesn’t pretend to be nice, and her honesty there makes it easier to believe she’s not pretending when she does her job. It helps, too, that she is not Marked. 

Cleo’s cover is that while she seems like an asshole and is an asshole, she works in the agency tasked with eliminating Dark wizards and she’s good at her job, as far as anyone can tell. She is an asshole, but there isn’t reason to suspect she is an asshole who is part of the Death Eaters, and it is not illegal to be a dick.

Sadie goes out of her way to be friendly to every new safehouse occupant, acting as a guide to newbies about how to live in the shadows. She performs the role of caretaker, therapist, and confidant, carefully doling out the reveal that she is a squib for sympathetic effect. 

Sadie’s cover is that she manipulates other people into viewing her as too weak to be any kind of threat, and she intentionally manipulates people into relying on her for support and guidance. 

If your character is not experiencing social repercussions for being an asshole, they need to have a cover. If they are being an outright asshole, this should negatively impact them somehow. 

An outright asshole might be stuck in a dead-end job because no one wants to promote someone who’s not a team player. An outright asshole might be super lonely without the self-awareness to realize that their garbage personality is the reason for their romantic troubles. An outright asshole might not be able to talk their way out of a problem. 

If your character is an outright asshole and experience no repercussions whatsoever, they’re probably a bit OP. 

Give your character a motive. 

Now the big question: why is your character Like That? Like, for real. It’s so easy not to be a dick. Why are they a dick? What’s in it for them?

Yes, some characters might be an asshole because they think it’s fun and they like to watch other people suffer. But if all your characters are like that - isn’t that kind of boring?

If all your characters are like that - are you actually writing distinct, well-developed characters, or are you just spitting out the same edgelord with different faces?

Some of your character’s reason for being a dick can be because they think it’s fun. It can’t be the entire reason. It especially can’t be the entire reason all the time. 

Of course you can come up with a big tragic reason why a character is an asshole - but it truly doesn’t have to be that deep. (Tips on tragic backstories here.)

Of my baddies:

Claude is a purist because someone has to be a lesser class, and it’s sure as shit not going to be him! Claude is a Death Eater because his father saw a business opportunity - both direct work (e.g. the DE contracting Claude and his goons out for a hit, trafficking dark goods, doing deals with purist groups in other magical organized crime outfits across Europe) and indirect work (e.g. having stronger appeal to some of the most influential wizarding families.) He doesn’t love being branded with the Dark Mark (HE is the master of his fate, goddammit!) but hey, it’s a living.

This is a motive centered around financial gain and expediency. Claude is shitty to value money over human life, and he has no qualms about violence - but the motive is not “fun.”

Cleo is a Death Eater because, as a girl from a pureblood family of no importance, she recognizes that many of the people in the Death Eaters are important and influential, and she wants that kind of power. Additionally, she does get a kick out of violence, but she’s a weapon more than she is a fighter: she’s a tool who needs someone to wield her, to give instructions, to give her purpose. The Death Eaters offer both.

This is a motive centered around status and around order - Cleo being a person who needs order externally forced upon her. 

Sadie is working for the Death Eaters because she believes they will win the First Wizarding War, and she wants to secure a place in their new order - ideally something more than she had previously as a squib. She figures if the good guys are really good they’ll forgive her for keeping herself alive - but that the bad guys won’t forgive disloyalty. Also, her boss in the Death Eaters indulges her research in the Dark Arts, which is fun. 

This is a motive centered around security and self-satisfaction. It’s very selfish and cold, but it’s not, like, Sid from Toy Story. 

Why is your character Like That? What do they get out of Being Bad? What do they like about it? What purpose does it serve for them? 

If you can’t think of a reason your character would be a Bad Guy beyond that you want to write a Bad Guy, you should probably rework the character. It’s tricky to write someone who really should just be a Good Guy as a Bad Guy because, depending on your site’s setting, you might end up being a Bad Guy Apologist, leaning into the positive qualities of your character without writing them as an actual villain/antagonist/baddie - and remember, Death Eaters are shitty people! Antagonists antagonize! They should be complex, but you should never lose sight of an abusive class being abusive! 

And finally,

They can’t all be serial killers.

It’s tempting, since we’re writing fiction here and we all love drama, to reach straight for a Big Evil when we’re writing a baddie. They murdered ___! Egads!

If all of your baddies murdered their spouse/parent/sibling, again I ask you: are you actually writing distinct, well-developed characters, or are you just spitting out the same edgelord with different faces?

(If all your baddies specifically murdered a woman, might I ask you to examine this choice? Misogynistic violence is not a shortcut to character development.)

Cast of characters aside - what is it your character does that makes them evil? It is worth noting that bad behavior exists on a spectrum, and to jump to the far end of that spectrum without building the character up to it is often jarring and confusing. There are many, many things your character can do that might contribute to their Bad IdentityTM without killing anyone!

Baby Bads: No one gets hurt in a serious way, but the character is unpleasant. Think: a schoolteacher might not let you go to recess. You might get detention. Examples:

petty theft

general assholery

bullying

lying, small & large scale

general unkindness

minor manipulation for personal gain

Middling Misdeeds: These might cause some harm - physically, emotionally, or otherwise - but there’s some room for smart-talking or otherwise evading major consequences. Think: suspension. Examples:

larger theft and other money-related naughties: money laundering, ponzi schemes, etc

physical assault/battery

blackmail

bribery

large-scale manipulation for personal gain or for fun

hate speech (to be clear, I, JB, think this is way more than middling, but in art as in life, a lot of characters are going to do it and get away with it.)

Terrible Transgressions: The far end of the spectrum of antagonistic behavior. If your character is doing this shit, it shouldn’t be coming out of the blue. If your character is doing this shit, there’s got to be a character-driven reason beyond “flavor.” These are things that would get you expelled and moved into criminal court. A lot of things that are viewed as standard topics requiring a trigger warning fit into this category. 

murder

sexual assault

torture

child abuse

It’s easy in rp, where there are often way more criminal types in a character population than we hope exist IRL, to forget that murder is.... like.... it’s a BIG DEAL. It’s not something everyone has done. And thank dog, right?

If you’re attached to your character being someone’s cause of death, for specific character-driven reasons, you might think about alternatives. For example, if you hope to convey that Brandon Baddie is a callous asshole, instead of having him kill his roommate over a household chores dispute, you might have him drive drunk, hit a pedestrian, get out of the car, see the body, and drive away. If you hope to convey that Sandy Sadist is cruel, you might have her threaten her sister’s dog, but not actually hurt it, enjoying the fear of the sister and of the dog more than she would enjoy actually hurting either. If you hope to communicate that Ruthie Reckless is thoughtless, you might have her driving 100 mph speeding to the edge of a cliff while her father sobs in the passenger seat, stopping just inches from the edge. 

There are so many ways to make a point. If you’re going to kill someone to make a point, do it sparingly, and with very deliberate purpose.

Whether you’re starting your first villain or hoping to hone your villainous sword, I hope you found this tut helpful! Best of luck, and happy writing!

[rafiamunir]

My Child With Down Syndrome in the world of COVID-19

I inherited the love of gardening from my parents. They took care of plants as children like they had feelings; my mom would be happy when it rained because her plants were happy. When I started my own gardening, I understood why they had such characteristics of patience, love, and happiness. Being a gardener teaches you how to patiently wait for the seeds to sprout, careful watchfulness, the beauty of life, and trust in God. Being a parent of Eman, my daughter with Down Syndrome, this inheritance has helped a lot. No matter how many weeds grow around us, we have learned to thrive on our grounds — stay happy and content.

Parents with children diagnosed with any special needs are having a challenging time in COVID-19. Our kids have in-home and onsite therapies one-on-one and in a group, to keep their lives structured, teach them mind-body regulation, gain coping skills, and develop social skills. Parents are not part of the therapies 80 percent of the time. So, to an extent, we are clueless as to what minute details the therapists cover with our kids. Moreover, the kids have developed an attachment with their therapists. They sometimes spend more time with them than they do with us. I have feared these moments but never imagined that I would live them too.

Eman is in one of the groups categorized to be high risk in terms of chronic heart, lungs, and respiratory conditions. There would be many parents who can relate to me. Not only the therapy sessions are missing, but the regular scans, tests, and check-ups have been delayed too. And for Eman, we already missed two which for her chronic condition is not good and has a toll on its own.

Eman, being a down syndrome loves routine. Every kid with special needs functions better with a routine. We make sure she starts her academic home session on time. In the first week, it was not understandable for her why at home she is learning what she normally does in school. A lot of fighting — guys! At home she knows her routine has been set for 2 years as reading minutes with Mom, drawing time with her siblings, then it is play and a movie. She is in the Extended School Program even in summers, so as not to break her routine and that she does not forget what she has learned. I just hope that everything gets better before the day to day structure fades away.

I am not the one who gives up easily, but frustration is one thing that has come between us during the therapy sessions, I must conduct at-home therapy according to the instructions I receive from the school therapists. To see her struggle through these sessions and not understand what I am saying. Of course, she and her therapists have chemistry of understanding that I don’t have with her. She loves her school — starts crying while talking about her class teacher. She comes down every morning, pours her cereals, after breakfast, the first question she asks is, are we going to school today. I explain to her every day why she isn’t. Sometimes, we think that showing graphics and talking to them will be easy for them to understand. Maybe, they do but it is set routine that has caused a disturbance in their world, which they may or may not be ready to accept for some time.

As a special need’s family — we did not get a manual as to how to deal with uncounted situations for her like this or any for that matter. We must move with her pace and not another way around. I am thankful that she is the youngest and has her older siblings to look up to. They take care of her needs such as playing basketball, watching movies, sleeping with them, and doing homework with her. Although we cannot fill in the missing pieces from her day to day life, we take her for long drives and put her playlist on, so she can enjoy. We go for walks; she loves to feel the air, the smells, the sounds — part of her sensory processing.

Trust and patience have taught us to fight with every situation without whining about it. Watching her every second solving her own problems, absorbing those frustrating tears, smiling because I just looked at her; give meaning to these moments. It is hard, yes, but the grace is to live through it with strength and hope.

[realmadridfamily]

“The four boys are so different that I don't miss the girl”

EIGHT weeks after the birth of little Máximo Adriano, the youngest of her four children with footballer Sergio Ramos, Pilar Rubio is more radiant than ever in a spectacular photo shoot in Portugal for ¡HOLA! "I wanted to get back to activity" - says the presenter. Despite the energy and professionalism, which she always shows, Pilar quickly recognizes the lack of sleep in the last few weeks, in which she combines childcare with the attention she gives to the rest of the family - which she doesn't neglect even from a distance. There is no doubt that Pilar is a supermom, which he confirms when he tells us about his physical recovery and motherhood in the midst of a pandemic. Pilar, how are you feeling? Very good, really. I can't ask for more, although I don't sleep much and I'm more tired than usual. There are nights when I think: <Mother of God, four children! Why hadn't I thought about it before?> (laugh). There are days when things get a little overwhelming for me because lack of sleep makes you see things differently. But I'm so happy that it fills me up and gives me energy. It's the first time that you separate from Máximo Adriano? A day and a half passed. It's difficult for me to separate myself from my children, but I have constant contact with them thanks to video calls. How is the little one? He's super good, he never cries. The only thing is that, like his brothers, he eats regularly. It takes a long time. Now he asks for a couple of takes at night, but the first weeks he slept an hour or nothing. It sounds harsh, really. I learned to be more patient and accepting situation. No need to complain. It was a natural childbirth? Yes, all four childbirths were natural. Whose idea was it to call the little boy Máximo Adriano? Sergio liked the name Adriano more and I liked the name Máximo more. Since both names are cute, we decided to put them together. This is a deep story (laughs). How did the older brothers accept Maximo Adriano? Alejandro, who was the youngest until Máximo Adriano's birth, has become a little more rebellious. Try to get attention. But this is normal. Sergio Junior and Marco don't feel the competition because they are older. They all love him very much, they kiss him, but then all three play with each other. Is there an intention to baptize him? This is not in our plans for now. We also didn't baptize others. It will turn out later. With this fourth child, will you and Sergio Ramos close the limit? No more children! We've definitely closed the limit (laughs). I think we did our best for the birth rate (laughs). You wanted a girl? The four boys are so different that I don't miss the girl. I have a great time with my sons. Do you have nannies? My mother is now at home with children. After four pregnancies, you look spectacular. It's a matter of good habits and keeping them, whether you are pregnant or not. Actually, there aren't many secrets. You need to be aware of your body and listen to it. Discipline is also important, but I don't want it to sound negative. You have to enjoy the routine. When you see the effects, it's worth taking care of yourself. How much weight did you gain with pregnancy? Only ten kilos. In the remaining three, fourteen. During my last pregnancy, I gained less weight because I used more energy with three kids. Apart the baby (Maximo Adriano weighed three hundred and seventy kilos at birth) the placenta and the amniotic fluid … That's four or five kilos. Then the body evolves rapidly. Now, I’m at my usual weight, even if it's distributed in a different way (laughs). Therefore, you have to train and tone. Which part costs you more to return to its original state? I have breastfed my four children and haven't had breast surgery. The breast suffers a lot with each pregnancy and, above all, with breastfeeding. I've noticed that this has changed and no matter how much I train, I can't fix it. If you ever think about it, you can always resort to aesthetic medicine ... Not yet ... I want to wait a moment. At least see how my body is evolving. If I had to make up my mind tomorrow, I wouldn't change it, but I would go back to what it was like before I became a mom. There are "celebrities" who recover almost by magic right after giving birth, and some who talk about surgeons. Have you heard that about yourself? It makes me laugh! Whoever says this is completely ignorant and should ask the doctor if it's possible to operate the bowel after giving birth. It's contraindicated. If you've had a bad diet, a sedentary lifestyle, and gained twenty-five kilos, recovery costs you more. But if you stick to your routine, it doesn't have to cost that much. Do you see the pressure some women feel to regain their body? Whose pressure? No way! At work, they always told me to come back whenever I wanted. I set pressure or goals for myself. Moreover, if someone pressured me, I didn't care. First, I would be worried if everything is alright. When do you train sports? You get up early? At seven or eight in the morning. Is it possible with four children? Yes, if I don't train, I don't have enough energy to get through the day. Seriously. It seems the opposite, but it keeps me active for the day. Besides, exercises in the afternoon make me lazy. Taking care of myself, being aware of my body and what it needs helps me be more determined and have more energy. When I start training, everything is beneficial and I enjoy. I also tell you that we all have our days (laughs). But even on days when I don't rest well and sleep for two or three hours, I get up to train. Even if I'm a little lazy, I feel much better. How much time do you dedicate to sport? One hour a day, four or five days a week. Sixty percent is food and forty percent is exercise and rest. What exercises do you practice? I recently gave birth and I can't do anything that is very aggressive or hitting the ground, so I do pelvic floor and hypopressive exercises. Also breathing exercises and stretching. I go step by step. With who do you train? Usually with Noe Todea, my personal trainer. Now, that I'm recovering from the birth, also with Caroline Correia, the physical therapist with whom I wrote the book "Pregnancy, and now what?". When I recover, I want to take off my orange kickboxing belt. I've been doing this for fourteen years, though occasionally because of pregnancy. I also want to come back to "country" dance classes. When I was little I lived with my parents in Torrejón and there was a lot of "country" culture because of the American base. Your husband also works his body hard. Don't you train together? Each of us has our own specific training, tailored to our own needs. We can be in the gym at the same time, but not training together. Do you follow any diet? I try to eat balanced. Maybe I avoid foods that aren't good, like wheat. You shouldn't spend every day on industrial baking. But there are times to enjoy everything without feeling guilty. We train and work all day to pay ourselves these little tributes later. You are radiant in photos, but when it comes to showing off your body, you feel modest. Not at all. I never thought about it (laughs). This is something I have always done and it's part of my profession. Why should I be ashamed? Which part of your body do you like to emphasize during photo sessions? The shoulders and clavicles, which seem like a very feminine part to me and I like to mark them. Also the look, although it depends on the context and style. Do you have complexes? A lot! Like everyone else. My feet are very long. Also hands. I look at my feet and think, "How long!". But, what foot size do you wear? Thirty nine. It's a normal. But I look at them and see long feet. I try to work on the rest of my body to avoid complexes. How did you spend the summer? We spent a week in Mallorca. We spent the rest of the time, from March, at home. When I came to Mallorca it was like a trip to another world! So it was a gift and we liked it very much. Were you afraid to travel during the pandemic? No way. I have respect, but when you are responsible then no problem. I'm not afraid or panicking before going out on the street. Not at all. During lockdown, you and Sergio could enjoy children much more. It was very nice to be together for twenty-four hours all the time. Moreover, during those weeks in lockdown, we all slept together in the same room. How is Sergio as a father? He is very affectionate and loving. He has always loved children and plays a lot with them. Do you share responsibilities? We don't strictly separate responsibilities. Depends on the day.   Have the children already gone back to school? Yes, but I was afraid they might wear the mask wrong. The only one who should wear it's my eldest son, six years old, but the others see and imitate their brother. Do any of your sons have football player skills? You have to ask their father because I have no idea about football. My children play with everything: ride motorbikes, play football, jump, ride on wheels, karate, judo, tennis ... They practice everything. They still research everything and see where their limitations are. In addition to Máximo Adriano, another new member has appeared in the Ramos family: the son of your brother-in-law René Ramos with singer Lorena Gómez. Is she asking for your advice? Lorena is a very prepared and super determined woman. Cares very well for the baby. She is delighted and super happy. Why are people surprised by your friendship with Vania Millán? Vania is a very special person and one of my close friends. Lorena is René's girlfriend. They have nothing to do with each other. People try to find controversy where there is none. Lorena is charming and has already made it clear that there is no confrontation. On the contrary, we get along very well. When they tell me or read something about it, I laugh. We know what our life is and luckily we are three super happy women. Vania and I get along very well and we love each other very much. Of course Lorena too. Are you planning any new projects? I continue working on "El Hormiguero" and designing. There were also several advertising proposals.

[rocksandrobots]

Of Rocks and Robots Ch. 20 - Therapy

Varian sat on the leather couch inside the doctor’s office nervously bouncing his knee up and down. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to run, but he knew that would upset Aunt Cass who was seated on the chair next to the door.

This was meant to be his first therapy session and he didn’t know what to expect, or to say, or what to do. Both Hiro and Wasabi had told him that all he had to do was talk to the doctor about his problems, but Varian didn’t really feel like talking. He didn’t feel like delving into his past and reliving those painful memories. Moreover, he didn’t want anyone in this world to know of his mistakes, even if they were just a stranger.

Just then the door opened and a tall woman with short bobbed hair and glasses walked in. She wore a white lab coat and held in her hand a clipboard and pen.

“Hello, Miss Templeton. Are we here to see Hiro today?” The woman asked Aunt Cass.

“Oh hi, Dr. Mcguire.” Aunt Cass stood up to shake her hand. “No, I called earlier and told the secretary this, but I’d like you to meet Varian. Varian this is Dr. Mcguire. She’s our family therapist.”The woman smiled and shook his hand as well, as Aunt Cass contunited. “Varian is from Europe and I’m fostering him while he’s here in the states.”  

“Oh exciting!” The woman enthused. “Is this your first therapy session, Varian?”

Varian nodded his head numbly, still too unsure of himself to speak.

“Well there’s many different types of therapy. I’m a grief counselor. I use different techniques to help people deal with loss or trauma, such as, listening to people talk about their feelings and problems, helping people develop healthy coping mechanisms for anxiety or depression, helping people pinpoint or understand where their underlying issues are and what might cause them to react the way they do to certain situations, and basically anything else that helps the patient cope with their grief.”

Varian listened to the woman intently but none of what she said made any sense to him. He knew what all those words individually meant on their own but all together it just sounded like a word salad to him. He had no idea what any of that actually entailed in practice.

"Well, now Varian, tell me a little about yourself?" The doctor asked as she sat at her desk.

Varian only stared blankly at her, unsure what she wanted to hear.

Dr. Mcguire expounded "Do you have any interests or hobbies?"

Varian looked back to Aunt Cass questionly and she gave him an encouraging smile and a go on motion with her hands.

"Ummm...I like alchemy."

"Alchemy? Like the history of it, or is that some new video game I haven't heard of yet?" Dr. Mcguire gently laughed at herself. "My kids are always trying to get me into the lastest gaming craze and I can never seem to get the hang of it."

Varian once again could only stare. He'd played a few video games with Hiro and Fred, but he had no idea what was deemed popular or not. Nor did he know how to explain to this woman that he was a practitioner of a long dead science.

When this didn't elect a response from him the doctor tried a new line of questioning.

"Do you have a favorite video game?"

Varian shrugged. "I don't know. I haven't played many of them. We didn't have video games back in Old Corona."

"That's the city he came from." Aunt Cass explained. "Varian is from a Russia territory."

"Oh. Well, what did you play in Old Corona?" Dr. Mcguire asked.

"Not much." Varian racked his brain for a childhood game, but there had been no other kids to play with and his dad was not much for chess.

"My cellmate and I would play 'Noughts and Crosses' to pass the time. It's a little like Gomoku, but you try to get three in a row instead of five, and you just draw an X or O on to a grid you drew in the sand instead of having a board and colored pieces.'

"Oh we call that tic-tac-toe here." Aunt Cass cheerfully said, not immediately picking up on his mention of being in jail.

The doctor however did notice. "Cellmate?" She asked with concern.

Varian clamped his mouth shut at that. He didn't want to go into why he had been in prison, certainly not with Aunt Cass there.

Sensing the Varian's discomfort and seeing Dr. Mcguire's confusion, Aunt Cass spoke up. "I'm guessing the secretary didn't give you the forms we filled out?"

"No, I'm afraid not. I saw your name on the appointment and just assumed it was time again for Hiro's session. I'm sorry, that was unprofessional of me to assume and not come prepared. Would you like to reschedule?"

Aunt Cass looked to Varian. "It's up to you, sweetie."

Varian really didn't want to go through all this again. "No. I'm good."

"Well do you feel like talking about what's wrong then?" Asked Mcguire.

Varian tightened his jaw, unsure how to say no to the woman. But Dr. Mcguire knew her business and understood what Varian meant even without words.

"It's ok." She soothed. "You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. We're not here to make you feel uncomfortable. Therapy is supposed to help, not hurt."

This relaxed Varian a little, but only a little. He didn't know what either adult wanted from him then.

"Varian, would it help if I left?" Aunt Cass offered. "Or would you prefer that I stay? Either one is fine. It's your choice."

Varian looked back and forth between both women trying to decide. He honestly didn't know which would be more stressful; dealing with the doctor alone or risking slipping up again and having Aunt Cass find out about his past crimes.

"I...maybe?" He eventually answered.

"Alright then. I'll be just right outside the door if you need me." She stood up, walked over to Varian, gave him a peck on the forehead and an encouraging smile before closing the door and leaving.

Varian had to admit, he could breath more easily now that she'd left the room.

"Well," Dr. Mcguire spoke back up, "if you rather not talk about your issues right now, would you like to write about them instead?"

Varian gave her a confused look and in response she dug into a drawer in her desk and pulled out a notebook.

"Sometimes people find it easier to write about things than to talk about them. I often give my patiences journals, so that they can get out their feelings about stuff, make goals and plans, or to help keep track of their triggers and their responses."

She handed the notebook to Varian. It was thin and curiously printed on the front were images of lizards with hats and sunglasses riding upon skateboards. Varian might have thought it absurd looking but he was distracted by something that the doctor had said.

"Triggers?" He asked.

"A 'trigger' is anything that might make someone remember their trauma. It can be anything from a familiar sound or object, to an action or situation that is similar to an event that the person went through. When someone who's been through trauma comes across one of their triggers they might experience a panic attack, flashbacks, get angry or upset, or even completely shut down so to speak."

Varian studied the woman thoughtfully. Wasabi had described what a panic attack felt like and it sounded eerily similar to what he had felt when he ran away that day. The way he felt after having a nightmare. The way he'd felt when he had come home to find his dad unmoving in the amber.

“Do..do nightmares count?” He asked hesitantly.

“Well, yes, in a way. Nightmares are often associated with PTSD. They are a way for your mind to process what has happened to you. But they can also be caused by other things, like stress, anxiety, or just a lack of sleep. You’d have to dream about something multiple times and analyze those dreams in order to figure out their cause.”

She paused and studied Varian intently before continuing. "Some people write dream diaries to track the patterns of what they dream and when. You write what you've dreamed, good or bad, when you wake up. You also may write things like what time you went to bed, how long did you sleep, or what you may have eaten that day as those can affect how well you sleep."

"You could use your journal for that." She gently suggested.

"Then...then I show it to you?" He asked in kind.

"If you want to. Though, once again, you don't have to do anything that you don't want to."

"But, if I did, would it help?" Varian pressed, "Would it get rid of them?"

"It might help." The woman said measuredly. "Though it might not. Or you may need to do that along with a combination of things. The only way to find out is to try it."

Dr. Mcguire gave him a soft smile and Varian turned her words over in his mind. He would love for the nightmares to stop. They had only become more frequent since he moved in with the Hamada's. As if deep down he feared this new change in his life would become permanent and his subconscious was warning him to return home before it was too late. But, even still, while the doctor was right about not knowing till you tried, he worried over his past and what she or others might think of him once known. Then again, no reason to take a dream literally, right?

"I've..I...I've been having nightmares lately." He finally admitted. Dr. Mcguire only nodded along. She most likely had already guessed as much, but she didn't interrupt.

"They're always different. Like they're about different things. Sometimes they're about my home or my dad, sometimes about my friends, both old and new, and sometimes about, ummm, being in jail." He muttered this last part but then quickly contunited on, "They all end the same way though. With me being alone."

He met the doctor's eyes questioningly, wondering how she might respond. She looked to be contemplating over what he'd just confessed.

"Hmmm…Well dreams are rarely the same each time. It's usually just the repeated elements that we look for when analyzing. That's how the journal would help. But it looks like you figured out one of those elements on your own. Does being alone scare you?"

Varian looked at her wide eyed. He didn't know how to feel about having one of his greatest fears pointed out to him. It was true of course, but he didn't like to admit it.

"A, little." He admitted sheepishly.

"A lot of people fear being alone. We're social creatures. Humans need other humans and so we seek out relationships. It's nothing to be embarrassed about." Mcguire tried to ease his fear.

"Were you on your own in jail? Did you feel alone there?" She pressed.

"No, well sometimes, but like I said I at least had a cellmate. That's better than when I was completely on my own before then."

Dr. Mcguire face grew more concerned but she didn't pursue anything else about his time alone. Instead she asked, "Were you friends with your cellmate?"

"No." Varian scoffed, complaining about Andrew was easier than talking about his time spent on the run. "Dude was a creep."

"Oh, did you fight with him often?"

"Not usually. In fact we got along fine, but that's only because he'd pretend to be nice to get what he wanted. I always knew that's what he was doing, but I, guess I just went along with it because….because it was better than not talking to anybody at all."

Dr. Mcguire furrowed her brow, "What did he want from you then?"

Varian wiggled in his seat at that. He didn't want to go into the prison break and what followed thereafter. "Just….stuff."

This did not ease the doctor's fear. "How old were you when you went to jail?"

"I had just turned fifteen." He didn't know where this was going.

"And your cellmate was what, also fifteen, sixteen?" She guessed.

"Oh no. Corona doesn't have, what did the policeman call it, 'juvenile detention center.' Anyways, uh, I'm not sure what age Andrew was. He never said, but I would guess, like, late twenties?" Varian shrugged but he only became even more confused when he noted the look of horror on Dr Mcguire's face.

"And where were the guards when he was making you do… stuff?" She tried to hide it but Varian could still hear the way her voice shook.

"Ummm...well the guards make their rounds of the cells every ten minutes and stand guard at the door between then. Or they're supposed to, anyways. Sometimes they're late or they're switching shifts, or even sometimes asleep." He broke from his matter of fact statement with a little laugh. "I once saw Pete the guard fall asleep while standing up and Stan, the other guard, had to prop him up with his spear to keep the Captain from noticing." He whispered conspiratorially as if imparting some juicy bit of gossip.

But the doctor wasn't amused.

"It would appear that your home country has a very different legal system than ours." She stated as if trying to find a way to navigate Varian's revelations.

"I'll say." He snorted. Complaining about the conditions of the dungeon itself didn't bother him as much as admitting how he'd got there. He supposed it was because everyone suffered the same indignity as he did while there. So he didn't feel singled out.

"I saw what those cells down at the police station here looked like last week. Let me tell you. They were pristine." He began to number the differences on his fingers." Clean, not drafty, there were toilets, electric lights. I was on the bottom floor of the dungeon and all we had was a grate on the ceiling that let the tiniest bit of light and air in from the cell above us. Of course that wasn't much cause that cell only had a small window to begin with."

The doctor interrupted his ramble. "But what about when you were aloud outside?"

"Outside?" He echoed in confusion. "We never went outside. Who'd let criminals out of their cells willingly?"

Dr. Mcguire darted her eyes back and forth as if equally flabbergasted. "But, but what about for exercise!? Showers!? Mealtimes!?"

Varian looked at her unsure how to answer, now only realising just how vastly different the two realities really were.

"We ate in the cells." He said flatly in lieu of anything else. "Is the food better here too?"

"I don't know? What did they serve you?"

"Usually gruel, or bread and water. Sometimes we'd get scraps from the castle's kitchen. Like leftover bone broth before it went bad. I guess not to starve us completely."

"Castle?" She echoed hollowly.

"The jail is underneath the government's palace." He explained.

"And is that the only prison? Wouldn't that get over full?"

"Yeah, it does. That's why they only keep people there until they ship them off on the prison barge or…. til they hang them." He quietly admitted.

This seemed to be the last straw for the doctor.

She took a deep, shuddering breath and tried to compose herself.

"Well, that..uh..we seem to be reaching near the end of our session. How about we bring Miss. Templeton back in?" She flashed him a strained grin, but Varian knew she was rattled and he feared he'd said too much or had done the wrong thing.

"You mean Aunt Cass?" He asked.

"Yes. So you call her 'aunt' too?" He nodded. " Well let's get your aunt in here and we'll talk about how best to continue your therapy."

Dr. Mcguire walked out and Varian could hear her and Aunt Cass having a hushed and hurried conversion. He couldn't make out what they were saying, but he knew it was about him. Soon after, they both reentered the room and Aunt Cass took a seat next to him on the couch.

Dr. Mcguire sat at her desk again and proceeded to make an announcement.

"So Varian and I have talked a little and he's decided that he's going to keep a dream diary, which he can share with me during our next few sessions if he would like. However, I feel that Varian might benefit from seeing a specialist."

Varian heart dropped. He was being turned away? He'd somehow managed to screw up his first therapy session so bad the doctor was pawning him off to someone else.

"But, aren't you a specialist?" Aunt Cass asked, equally confused.

"Yes, but I deal with post trauma, sudden events, like a car accident or the recent death of a family member. After talking to Varian, it appears he's been through prolonged trauma. It'll take a few more sessions to confirm this but, he may have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's related to regular PTSD, there is some overlap in symptoms, but ultimately it requires different treatment."

Varian's stomach began to churn and he felt his heartbeat quicken. All he heard, behind the doctor's unfamiliar terminology, was that he was somehow, wrong or broken, more so than even the troubled patients she normally worked with. He wanted to cry, but instead he blinked back tears as Dr. Mcguire contunited.

"I have the name of a psychiatrist that I can recommend. I've worked with him before alongside other patients."

She handed a business card to Aunt Cass who leaned forward to take from her. As she read it the doctor went on.

"Dr. Brown deals with former soldiers, war refugees, abuse victims, and others who've had to endure extremely harsh conditions. He's better experienced in such cases and as a psychiatrist he can also prescribe any medicine that Varian might need."

"Medicine!?" Varian exploded and both women looked at him with concern. "But, but I'm not sick." He whined in protest.

Dr. Mcguire stood up and walked over to him. She knelt down to his level and looked him in the eye.

"I don't know if you are or aren't, diagnoses of mental illnesses take time, but you might still need prescribed medication even if you don't have an illness. You mentioned not sleeping well, something as simple as a herbal tea with added melatonin could help with that. However as a psychologist, and not a psychiatrist, I can legally write you a prescription for that, nor should I."

Varian darted his eyes about the room in confusion. Logically what the woman said made sense, he supposed, but that didn't stop his anxiety from raising. He felt cornered. He wanted to run again, but the gentle hand of Aunt Cass upon his shoulder rooted him to the couch.

"Look, you're still welcome to come see me." Dr. Mcguire reassured him. "I'll gladly help you in any way that I can. I just think Dr. Brown could do even more to help you."

"We just want what's best for you." Aunt Cass interjected. "Thank you, Dr. Mcguire. I'll give this Dr. Brown a call today when we get home."

And that was the end of it. They said their goodbyes and left.

On the whole way home, Varian sulked in the passenger seat as he stared dispondingly out the window. He could feel Aunt Cass nervously stealing glances of him, probably afraid he may jump out of the car again and try to run away.

She attempted to say something a few times, but thought better of it and kept quiet. The uncomfortable silence weighing upon them both until they arrived back at the Luck Cat.

Varian tore out of the car, pounded up the stairs, and was just about to run towards his new room, when he heard Aunt Cass say. "We need to talk."

Varian found himself sitting on a couch for the second time that day. This one in Hamada living room. He eyed Aunt Cass pensively and waited for yet another lecture.

"Sooo, I know that didn't go as well as we hoped today, but hey, we made some progress!" She gave him a plastered grin as she tried to find the silver lining. Varian only gave her a look as if she was crazy and rolled his eyes.

She heaved a heavy sigh.

"Varian, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Lots of people see special psychiatrists. That's what they're for. They wouldn't exist if people didn't need them."

Varian still refused to meet her gaze.

"Also, not everyone finds the right therapist on their first try. It took me a whole year and three different doctors before I found Dr. Mcguire."

Varian did look at her upon that revelation, this time with surprise on his face.

Aunt Cass gave him a small smile.

"Did you think you were the only one who needed therapy?" She gently teased, before admitting, "I was only 24 when I took in Tadashi and Hiro. I didn't know how to be a parent. I didn't know how to handle two grieving little boys nor the emotional roller coaster I was on as well. I had to get help. I had to try out different doctors, different types of therapy, even took medication for a little while, and it took time but in the end it did make things better for all of us. I just want you to get better as well."

Varian processed this confession as he wrestled with his growing sense of shame and despair.

"But...but…you never did anything to deserve that. It was just a bad thing that happened to you.. I… I on the other hand…I wasn't in that jail for no reason." He confessed before bursting into tears.

"I don't care." Aunt Cass quietly said.

Varian looked back in surprise again. She stood before him with worry etched onto her face.

"I don't care what you did." She reiterated. "It doesn't matter."

She bent down and cupped Varian's face into her hand, just as she did when he returned after running away.

"Varian, no one deserves to be treated the way you were. Especially a child. That..that was just cruel." Her voice broke. "Cruel, and inhumane, and oh god, what ever did they do to you to make you think you deserved it?" It was her turn to cry as she scooped Varian into a hug.

Varian blinked rapidly, both because of the tears and because he hadn't been expecting this reaction. He knew he was at fault. Everyone in the kingdom knew it. They all blamed him for what happened and threw nothing but scorn his way. The only reason that Aunt Cass and everyone else didn't hate him too was because they didn't know, surely. But the sincerity in her voice, the tender loving embrace, the way she put up with him and his stupid mistakes around the house, all made him desperate to believe her. So he hugged her tightly back.

"But.. But.. I'm not 'no one'" The tears flowed freely now. "I'm...I'm…I'm not like anyone. The doctor said so herself, today."

"No!" She pulled away from the embrace to look him dead in the eye. "No. She said you needed help that she couldn't give. Dr. Brown, though, can. He deals with people who've been through what you've been through. You're not alone. You're not broken. You're not weird. And you are most certainly not deserving of being thrown in a dungeon."

She wiped her fingers through his bangs, a sign of affection he'd come to recognize from her, and blinking back tears said, "Oh how I wish I could have been there for you sooner. But I'm here now. And so is Hiro, all your friends, Chief Cruz, Professor Granville, and Dr. Mcguire. Ok? We are all here for you now, and we love you, and nothing is going to change that. And now Dr. Brown will be there for you too. So please, let us help you."

Varian searched her eyes. These were words he had longed to hear for who knew how long, but when faced with them for real he had trouble giving into them; to believing them. The nagging voice in his head was screaming at him, warning him that it wasn't true, that they would all abandon his as soon as he screwed up or they found out the truth of his past, the same as how everyone else had given up on him, told him how he didn't deserve such kindness, ect.,but he didn't care. He wanted it to be true.

He nodded yes and flung his arms around Aunt Cass again. They remained that way, just holding each other for several minutes. While Aunt Cass stroked his hair and cooed reassuring words. How she loved him, how she wasn't going anywhere, how he was her child now and nothing would change that. He wasn't sure if he was ready to accept her as a parent yet, to him his dad was the only parent he needed, but he deeply appreciated all that she had done, all that she promised to do, and it felt good to finally be accepted somewhere, to be wanted .

When they finally stopped hugging Aunt Cass said she was going to call Dr. Brown and set up an appointment. She then stroked the top of his head again and asked if he wanted to help her bake something special for dinner. He nodded yes and they both put the unfortunate incident at the therapist behind them.

[veronicamarsconfessions]

I was hugely excited by the announcement that a fourth season of teen noir show Veronica Mars was going to be made, nearly fifteen years after the show’s initial air date (and cancellation after three seasons), and five years after the crowdfunded movie came out. As soon as the show dropped on Hulu (or Stan, if you’re in Australia like me) – a week earlier than initially slated, I rushed to watch it. And I was so distraught by the ending that it genuinely took two days for my mood to return to something even vaguely resembling ‘okay’.

For those of you who haven’t seen it *SPOILERS FROM HERE ON*,

season four has Veronica (Kristen Bell) chasing down a serial bomber who seems to be trying to destroy the Spring Break business in Neptune. It turns out that the first bomb was set by property developer ‘Big’ Dick Casablancas, trying to destroy the Spring Break business in order to buy the waterfront properties cheaply, and the subsequent bombs were set by a pizza delivery man, Penn Epner (Patton Oswalt), who fancies himself a detective and is out to find glory after he is initially ridiculed for his public accusation of an incorrect suspect. The season itself had several issues (one of them being some seriously murky motivations behind Epner’s behaviour, like, if he really was that much of a genius, why was he a pizza delivery man?, and that the people ultimately behind the crimes are more or less ‘hidden in plain sight’ all along, which is a disappointing departure from the way the initial seasons cleverly hid the villain until quite late in proceedings). However, the issue for which there is not enough therapy in the world to appease me is the season’s last-minute killing off of reformed bad-boy and Veronica’s long-time boyfriend, Logan Echolls (Jason Dohring), right after they finally got married.

Series creator and showrunner, Rob Thomas, justified this decision by saying ‘I know this seems crazy or harsh but Veronica is at her best when she’s an underdog and I don’t know that there’s much to root for if she’s now got a perfect relationship. I need to keep her fighting and I need to keep her a little bit uncomfortable in order to have a show. There’s nothing funny or interesting about perfection.’

Except that’s a deeply flawed understanding of how relationships function, and a deeply messed up thing to push on to people.

It’s fair to acknowledge that once the ‘will-they-won’t-they’ is resolved, TV shows often decline in quality, or at the very least, significantly depart from the original formula which made them into such beloved hits at their beginning. But there are two significant issues with this: First, the assumption that TV shows must remain the same in order to be good. There are some interesting observations that the job of the sitcom episode (in particular) is to return all characters to more or less their original starting points. While that is broadly true, TV shows, like life, need to evolve in order to stay interesting, and as across seasons, audiences grow alongside the characters they watch evolve and mature.

Nevertheless, it was fair for Thomas to note that the characterisation of Veronica is someone who is embittered and cynical about people’s fidelity and inherent goodness  – after all, when we first meet her at the age of sixteen, her best friend has been brutally murdered, she’s been raped, her alcoholic mother has upped and left, and her adored father and moral compass has been socially ostracised for a) doing his job and b) being not super wealthy. It’s a lot. Veronica’s very understandable trust issues are compounded by the moonlighting she does as a P.I where, to she regularly sees people cheating on one another and generally behaving in unpleasant ways. So it’s reasonable to point out that for Veronica, the notion of the ‘happily ever after’ is a deeply uncomfortable one. But to keep her in the same mindset as she was at aged 16 is to deny her the capacity to grow as a character.

It’s fair that there was a desire to avoid repeating the pattern previously established (withdrawn/bitter etc), but – and here is my ultimate point – that could have been avoided.

Some of the most complex and interesting storylines come from couples who get together and have to navigate relationships; compromising to fit together, find a way to make it work. Think about the evolution of Niles and Daphne’s relationship in Frasier (and leave aside some of the aspects to his earlier infatuation with her that seem distinctly distasteful in a post-#metoo world). While much of the humour between them in earlier seasons was because of his unrealised ardour for her, after they became a couple, the hardships they navigated through being a couple, and the deepening richness of their relationship that was both romantic and based in friendship, produced some truly hilarious moments. Similarly, one of my (and our fabulous Chief Nerd, Elise’s) favourite TV shows, Chuck, *SPOILER* has the two leads get together in season 3. The show was no lesser for that fact because as Chuck and Sarah’s relationship deepened, they explored facets of themselves that they hadn’t previously shown – it provided more material for the writers, not less.

One of my favourite articles on the ending of Veronica Mars, season four, pointed out that Logan has the most interesting character development because he works to better himself – he has come a long way from the miscreant teenager who organised ‘bum fights’, and he had the potential to become an even more interesting character. How this interacted with Veronica’s cynicism could have provided significant fodder for more story.

But, giving full credit to Rob Thomas for a moment here, the show is called Veronica Mars, not Logan Echolls. So the decision to axe Logan was made to push Veronica’s character development forward, especially given the shows position as a gender-flipped noir which so often has the embittered, cynical detective dealing with the ongoing pain of a tragically killed love.

But the problem is that I can’t actually see how this is going to do anything but ossify Veronica’s primary characteristics: bitter, a hardnosed and reckless desire to catch the bad guy at any cost. Moreover, in most of the noir detective stories, this love has died before we meet the hard-bitten detective.

Thomas said to The Hollywood Reporter, “Moving forward, we’re going to really build around [the idea that] the case is the thing and less of the soap opera of Veronica’s life.” Except Veronica Mars is all about character. Her interactions with her father, Keith (Enrico Colantoni) and the genuine bond of affection between them evokes some of the show’s most poignant interactions. Her internal struggle when the pursuit of justice comes up against questions of morality is inherent grounded in her character. One of its most interest aspects across the years is that Veronica is often wrong. She falsely accuses people (including Logan himself), she behaves badly, she takes her friends for granted, and she can be reckless to the point where she endangers herself and someone has to come in and rescue her (case in point: wandering into the base of an Irish gang that had a particular grudge against her father). So to strip away the elements to the story that allow for depiction and consideration of those complexities would be to lose much of the show’s point.

There’s also a part of me that feels the way in which Logan was killed feels personal. Logan and Veronica were never initially meant to get together, but in the first episodes, the chemistry between the characters, and Kristen Bell and Jason Dohring was so profound that it was written in. I might be putting on my tin foil hat to say this, but it feels as though Thomas resented the manner in which LoVe became such a pivotal part of the Veronica Mars ‘brand’. What really underpins that for me is that the way the series sent off other characters was considered, and gave them a certain ‘exit’. The way in which Logan was killed off feels almost like an afterthought, made more so by some of the questions that arise from the manner. How did he know that she would be in it when it actually blew up? Moreover, the convenience of him leaving a voicemail for his therapist about why he wanted to marry Veronica (why exactly would he call his therapist to tell him about his epiphany? Who has that kind of relationship with their therapist?), and this woman’s decision to keep it from Veronica for a year seems weirdly contrived. Because it was.

However, to be fair, one could claim that the season mistreated some of its other characters, too. Tina Majorino who plays Cindy ‘Mac’ Mackenzie specifically noted that she did not want to return because she did not want her character to be sidelined. Similarly, the complexity to Eli ‘Weevil’ Navaro’s character was stripped away, as was the depth of his relationship with Veronica. What’s worse is that this could have been a really interesting storyline; why he decided to walk away from the court case which would have seen him awarded with compensation for what happened to him in the movie. While we are told that his wife left him along with his child, prompting him to return to his old gang-running ways, the depth of his grief and the reputable life he lost were never really portrayed. Honestly, I would have preferred that rather than the convoluted storyline that involved Mexican cartel hitmen.

But beyond my argument as a writer as to why Logan’s death was a totally unnecessary element to bring in, it also feels like a real slap in the face to fans. I’ve previously talked about the relationship this show has with its fans. Realistically, season 4…hell, the movie, only existed because of the love and support fans showed the show.

Any narrative material exists to interact with fans. Obviously, there is a fine line that can cross into blatant pandering, and there is also a trend that offers a ‘gritty’ or ‘sad’ end (ie the tragic death of the lover), but it’s a balance.

The Veronica Mars movie was very much fan service – it was, after all, fan funded. Much of the movie’s contents and storyline were determined by what Thomas was seeing from fan comments on social media, noting “I did have an idea of things people wanted to see, characters I wanted to get an appearance in, whether it felt extraneous or not.” He added, “there’s no way in the world we would have had a fan-funded movie and I would have killed Logan,” he added.

In the same interview, he said, “I fear that leaning into the high school soap that the show started out as is a losing proposition, that it will start feeling nostalgic rather than vital. If Kristen [Bell] and I want to make more of these Veronica Mars mysteries, I think it’s going to survive best as a true mystery show with a badass PI at the center of it, and I think that works better if the PI doesn’t have a boyfriend.”

Yet for a show whose who schtick was challenging the noir detective genre, it seems the prospect that someone fundamentally gritty and damaged can also have a relationship that the struggle to be healthy was simply a bridge too far.

And at the crux of it, what really frustrates me – as a fan, and as a writer – is that for Thomas, it simply felt too hard to give Logan and Veronica an enduring relationship, and it if wasn’t too difficult, then he perceived it destroyed some fundamental part of the show by making it emotionally sappy. If that’s the dichotomy in which Thomas thinks, then Veronica Mars is no longer the show which attracted its die-hard following of fans and may as well be a different show with a similar premise.

[nicka-nell]

There is no such thing as a perfect world - Chapter 5: Your friend, my friend, our friend

Words in this chapter: 1.626

Warning: none

Chapter 4 - What is your favorite animale?

(y/n) = your name  |  (l/n) = your last name  |  (h/c) = hair color  | (e/c) = eye color

The next day she has breakfast alone because her brother has received a new murder case and had to get out early. Slowly she gets ready for her day and the date with Ushijima when the doorbell rings. With quick steps (y/n) walks towards the door and opens it. "Hello (y/n)." Ushijima greets her. "Hello Ushijima-san. Come in and sit down. I am just preparing the bento box for my brother, and then we can go.” She calls to him as she turns to take him to the living room. Arrived in the living room, he sits on her sofa and watches her fill the delicious smelling food into a small box. It smells really great, and he would love to taste the food. She seems to cook very well and what he can see from the corner of his eye also looks very healthy. "You have a brother?" Ushijima's calm voice sounds from the living room. He didn't know that. "Yes, his name is Yato, and he works for the police. That's why he often works in shifts. I don't know when he'll be back today, but I want him to have a nice meal when he comes here for a break.” She looks up at Ushijima, who is watching her closely. "At the police ..." he murmurs under his breath. So he lives here with her in this apartment? That makes sense. Such a large modern apartment with a garden alongside the living room is not cheap here in Japan. Calmly he looks at the wall on which several pictures hang. (y/n) can be seen on them with a man. They seemed to be close. Unlike her, the man appears to be very tall. He also looks many years older than her. Is that her brother she was talking about? No. He is too tall to be related to her. A photo of her parents doesn't seem to be anywhere. "Do your parents live here?" he asks without really thinking about the question. "My parents? No. Just my brother and me." She smiles but her smile doesn't look like what he saw on her all day yesterday. What is that look on her face? Just as she puts the bento box in the fridge and wants to go back to Ushijima, the doorbell rings again. She looks at the door in amazement, since it is too early for her brother. Furthermore, he has a key and would not ring the bell. She didn't order anything either, so it can't be the postman as well. When she opens the door, she sees a face that she hasn't seen for a long time. "Satori! What a surprise! What are you doing here?” She greets the red-haired man in front of her and hugs him joyfully. "Hello (y/n). I haven't seen you in so long, I was longing for you. ~ “He whines and walks past her into the apartment. "Shall we watch a movie today? I have two films with me here. They are actually creepy but I think the actress is so cute. Let's watch them!“ he grins. (y/n) looks sheepishly into the living room. "Oh eh ... so I actually have some plans today and I also have a visitor here ...", she sighs and scratches the back of her head. "Visitoooooors? Is it a man? Do you have a date? Uh I want to see him!”, curiously he jumps back and forth and storms towards the living room. "Satori wait!" She calls after him, but he's already in the living room. Her head jumps past Satori to Ushijima, and she is about to apologize for her rough friend when the two men look at each other with wide eyes. "Wakatoshi-kun? What are you doing here?” Satori asks in complete surprise. "Tendou? I have a date with (y/n).”, he replies completely naturally. The two seem to know each other well, (y/n) thinks. "Wait Wakatoshi-kun ... when you said that you are going to physiotherapy and that you want to thank your therapist, you mean my dear (y/n)? Oooh how exciting. ~“ He sings and takes (y/n) in his arms. "Yes exactly. And what are you doing here at (y/n)'s house?” He asks curiously and does not understand his friend's excitement. After all, it was Tendou who told him to thank his therapist. "I also went to her for treatment once, and we got on really well and became friends. ~" He says, pulling her along next to Ushijima on the sofa. (y/n) sits between Ushijima and Satori and with a big grin Satori looks at his friends. "So, what were you going to do today?" He asks the two of them, resting his head on his folded hands. "I wanted to go to the park with (y/n)," Ushijima says before she can answer. "In this weather? Wakatoshi-kun it should still rain today. Moreover, I have a few films with me. Now the three of us are having a nice evening. Uh that's sooo exciting! Unite with my two best friends! ~” He sings again. While shaking her head, she puts her head in her hands and looks up at Ushijima apologetically. What exactly does Satori want to achieve with this? Besides, Ushijima certainly doesn't want to waste his time with her and Satori. He sure wants to go home. "Is that okay with you?" She then asks him. With his head leaning to the side, he looks at (y/n). "If it's okay with you. I wouldn't have a problem with that.” He answers her without emotion and then looks over at his friend. He doesn't care whether he goes to the park or stays here. The only thing that is important to him right now is that she is with him. Even if he doesn't understand why. Satori joyfully puts in the first film, and they start to watch it. All three of them stare intently at the screen, at the young man who is in an abandoned house and is looking for his wife when a strange creature suddenly attacks him. While Satori starts laughing because he thinks it's so funny, (y/n) is startled and grabs Ushijima's arm. Questioning, he looks down at her. Why is she clinging to his arm like that? "Everything ... okay?", his eyes get a little bigger than usual and her (e/c) eyes, which have just looked up to him, wander down to her hands that holding Ushijima's strong arm. "Eh! I'm sorry!”, hastily she apologizes and let's go of him embarrassed. He still looks questioningly in her direction. "Wakatoshi-kun you have to hug her. I think our little (y/n) is a little afraid of the scary scenes in the film.” Satori grins. "Oh?", it is not a real answer, but also not a question that he gives Satori as a response. She is about to contradict him, but (y/n) falls silent when she feels two strong arms on her body that pull her to Ushijima. "You shouldn't see something like that if you're afraid of it." she hears Ushijima's voice above her and looks up at him. For a brief moment she has the feeling that she sees a slim smile on Ushijima's lips. But she is probably wrong. Now she smiles at him and leans her head against his chest to finish watching the movie with the two men. With her warm body on his chest, his heart starts beating too fast again. He noticed that it only beats so unevenly when he is near her. With long breaths he tries to calm down and hopes that she won't hear his fast heartbeat. What he and (y/n) don't notice, is the observant look of their friend, who can't resist a triumphant grin. However, they have a nice evening and (y/n) says goodbye to Satori shortly before eleven, who suddenly had to leave again. Supposedly he has to go back because he has to feed his cat. As far as she knows, he doesn't have a cat. But well... Nobody knows what is actually going on in Satori's head. Ushijima also has to go home, because tomorrow he will have his first training after his injury with the kneecap. After putting on his shoes, he looks at (y/n). "I'll play volleyball again tomorrow." He tries to keep the conversation going because for some reason he doesn't want to leave. "Yes that makes me happy. Just don't hurt yourself again.”, smirking, she looks at him. With her words and her beautiful smile he can't help it and a small, tiny grin can be seen on his lips. "I'll do it. Do you want to give me your number? Then I can write to you how the training went." Did he really ask her for her number? What is wrong with him? Why do words come out of his mouth that he doesn't want to say at all? He just wanted to say goodbye. A little surprised, she stretches out her hand forward and asks him to give her his cell phone. He takes it out of his pocket and hands it over to her. After half a minute she gives it back to him with a bright look. "So then Ushijima-san. I'm looking forward to hearing from you.” A little awkward, he looks back and forth between his cell phone and the woman in front of him. Actually, he'd like to talk to her longer. But he should say goodbye now. "Just call me Wakatoshi. I will write to you then.”, he speaks softly to himself and turns around. Again he said something that was not meant for her ears. While shaking his head, he hopes that she didn't hear his words and sets off for home.

Chapter 6 - Just look, don't touch. No, looking is also forbidden!

[molsno]

Now that Neo Danganronpa 56 is over, I can FINALLY post about my mastermind: Kyra Acker, the Ultimate Neuroscientist. There’s a long recap about her and the killing game below the cut. Content warnings for murder and suffocation.

Nero Tamochi promised Kyra she would be able to continue Danganronpa and become an Ultimate Despair worthy of rivaling Junko Enoshima. So she took up an offer his sister, Vivian Tamochi, the Ultimate Programmer, made to collaborate on a virtual reality program that interfaced directly with the human brain. Of course, Kyra intended on betraying Vivian by using it to use the program to continue Danganronpa.

After Nero Tamochi used the other members of Ultimate Despair, the members of Kyra’s class, Class 2, to initiate a real-world Tragedy like what was seen in the original Danganronpa games by dropping a nuclear bomb on Hope’s Peak, he and the rest of his class, Class 3, were transported to an island for protection. Little did Hope’s Peak know that Nero Tamochi was the one behind it all. After a year on the island, he started Neo Danganronpa 54.

Kyra was furious. All of the other members of Ultimate Despair knew about Nero’s plans, and they didn’t tell her about them. So unbeknownst to them, she defected, joining the Future Foundation, which was founded to stop the Tragedy. Of course, she intended to betray the Future Foundation as well. She was hellbent on continuing Danganronpa, and even if her game couldn’t be first, then at least it would be the best. Seeing the pathetic excuse for a killing game that 54 was, she was determined to make her game even better.

Then, unexpectedly, another killing game started only a month after 54. This time it was run by a billionaire named Jacques Hughes, who had found the members of Class 4, who were thought to have died in the bombing of Hope’s Peak, and forced them into a killing game for two reasons:

For the entertainment of a world obsessed with despair.

As a birthday gift to his sickly daughter Antimony, who he had cloned over and over and performed multiple biological experiments on to stop her from dying every few years.

After Hughes abandoned 55 and fled in a helicopter when Vivian and the others refused to vote and demanded to see him face the consequences of his crimes, Kyra was even more furious to see the franchise she was so desperate to revive made a mockery of. The Future Foundation rescued the survivors shortly after, and Kyra worked closely with them to help them recover their lost memories. After some time, Hughes was located and brought into Future Foundation custody, and so were his daughter and all of his employees.

Shortly after, the Future Foundation began tracking down the Remnants of Despair and taking them into custody. The Future Foundation president, Isaac Stoke, wanted to put them all to death for their heinous crimes, but Vivian convinced him to let them undergo rehabilitation. At first she suggested using the program she and Kyra developed, but he refused, only allowing it as a last resort in case normal rehabilitation failed. He wanted nothing more than to prevent another Danganronpa from occurring.

So, each of the Remnants met with Kyra, who secretly erased their memories of her involvement with them before assigning them a therapist to treat them. It took nearly 6 months of therapy nearly around the clock for all of them to be fully recovered. Once they were, the program was no longer needed, so it was stored away in a room that only Vivian and Kyra had access to.

Kyra began making changes to the program in order to set it up for the killing game. After all her preparations were complete, she put them all in the program in the middle of the night. There were just two exceptions:

She put Antimony in the program.

She brought Hughes into the room as well, tied up and unable to move.

She had several goals with the killing game. First, she wanted to use it to kill all of the Remnants of Despair, who had betrayed her and caused a horrific Tragedy to occur all over the world. To do this, she would manipulate Cara, who was the most obsessed with Nero, into committing a gruesome murder of someone she was close to, by making her remember Nero in the 5th chapter. Then, she would be waiting in the general manager’s office after Cara emerged from the elevator, and murder her. Due to the spikes she implanted in the simulation pods that would penetrate the user’s skull upon death in the program, their death in the real world could be guaranteed. Unfortunately for her, the other students figured out that Cara was the culprit, and so Kyra lost her last opportunity to kill them all.

Her second goal was to kill Hughes and Antimony, keeping the blood off her hands the whole time. Hughes’ death was understandable. She knew Antimony was innocent, however. To her, the fact that she had been cloned over and over was unethical. She had previously destroyed all of her remaining clones, leaving only this one alive. She thought it was ethical to end Antimony’s suffering once and for all.

To achieve this, she gave Antimony a note to meet her in the break room, then used the secret slide in her restroom into the general manger’s office, and logged out of the program. Due to the way the program worked, her avatar was still in the general manager’s office, completely immobile without a consciousness being uploaded into it. She forced Hughes into her simulation pod, who found himself in her avatar in the program. He exited the general manager’s office, dazed and confused. Antimony, who believed only the mastermind had access to the general manager’s office, murdered who she thought was Kyra by suffocating her to death, but little did she know it was actually her own father. The spikes in the pod penetrated his skull, killing him for good.

The other students found Kyra’s body and naturally assumed that she had become the first victim of the killing game. In a tearful class trial, they voted for Antimony, who was executed by Monokuma.

Kyra dragged Hughes’ body out of the pod and logged back in. Due to the time dilation within the program, about 12 times more time had passed than in the real world. Fast forward 24 days within the program, and only 2 days have passed in the real world. The 6 remaining students found many interesting things in their investigation of the program. Most notably, they found out that Kyra was scouted as the Ultimate Neuroscientist. She had lied to all of them and claimed to be the Ultimate Chemist so that it would not be immediately obvious that she was the mastermind when they found out that it was a simulation that interfaced directly with their brains. Moreover, they found that she didn’t have a file documenting what she did as a Remnant of Despair. Among other evidence, it became very evident that she was the mastermind all along.

Kyra revealed herself in the final class trial, and revealed the truth behind their voting options. If they chose to Graduate, then Faust’s (one of the players, long story) personality and memories would be overwritten by nothing, effectively turning him into a vegetable in the real world. If they chose the Future Foundation’s other method, to simply log out of the program, then at the end of the broadcast, the source code and everything else needed to run the program would be aired all over the world, effectively allowing Danganronpa to continue forever.

Vivian and the other two Future Foundation members found a solution. Because of the time dilation within the program, only two days had passed in the broadcast. They had several weeks to find out how the killing game was being broadcast and shut it down.

Kyra panicked. If that happened, everything she’s worked for would go to waste. Even worse, Vivian and the others told her she was nothing more than a pawn for Nero. She did exactly what he wanted her to do. All this time, Kyra truly believed she was doing this for herself. She didn’t side with Nero or the Remnants of Despair or the Future Foundation or anyone. But in the end, she was just another victim of Nero’s manipulation. Rather than face the truth and see all of her hard work go to waste, she executed herself. She would rather die than admit that she was used. Of course, she wouldn’t actually die in the real world. The spikes in her pod were already used on Hughes, and were firmly lodged in his skull. She would simply be comatose for a while instead, but that didn’t matter to her. She couldn’t accept defeat.

Kyra has become one of my favorite characters over the past year that I’ve been planning this killing game. She did many unforgivable, downright evil things. But she, like everyone else in this series, was a victim of Nero Tamochi. She wasn’t inherently evil like he was. Deep down she’s nothing more than a nerdy scientist who sees herself as intelligent, independent, and determined. And Nero took advantage of all of those traits.

I took so many precautions in order to make Kyra’s reveal as climactic and surprising as possible, all the while dropping hints throughout the game that subtlely pointed to her. The most impressive feat was claiming I had a friend named Amber who would be playing Kyra in the killing game as early as January. I logged into “Amber”’s account nearly every day at set times and changed her profile picture every few months. I occasionally popped in our server to talk as “Amber”, using a different way of typing. After Kyra died in game, “Amber” claimed to have family issues, which is why she was ok with dying first, and I made her less active over the remaining course of the game. I did ALL of it to convince everyone that “Amber” was a real person, when it was really just me all along.

I’m so thrilled that NDR56 went so perfectly. I’ve been working toward this reveal and ending for the past year, and everyone loved it. And I’m even more happy that I can finally talk about Kyra, and hopefully I’ll get to RP as her again soon!