#and mourning the loss of what you expected your life to be like based off of what you’ve been told it should be

[supergraphicultramoderngirl]

rosamund’s scene was soooo aspec coded it’s insane

[cauliflowercounty]

In the Stands

Jamie Tartt x Reader

Summary:  Jamie x reader drabble for anon

“Can I request a Jamie Tartt fic based off this TikTok please?”

Warnings: Cussing but if you watch Ted Lasso idk why ur worried about that

Word Count : 1.1K

The Dog Track roars as the Richmond team walk out onto the field to play Tottenham Hotspur for the quarter final of this year’s FA Cup. Jamie surveys the crowd, a sea of red and blue alive with excitement, scarves and flags waving in the crisp air as the team huddles in a pre-game circle. The Richmond faithful's song swells and fills the air.

“We’re Richmond ‘till we die!  We’re Richmond ‘til we die! We know we are, We’re sure we are, We’re Richmond ‘til we die!”

As Isaac shouts out orders for warm up, Jamie can’t help but raise his gaze up to the private boxes. He looks up and smiles to himself, seeing you bundled up in your jacket and gloves next to Keeley, who’s whispering something into your ear.  You push up your Richmond beanie as it almost falls down over your eyes.  Rebecca steps down and takes a seat next to you, handing you and Keeley hot coffees.

Jamie had never expected to date a popstar, much less one that Keeley introduced him to. You’d come into his life unexpectedly. After getting rejected from Lust Conquers All and Man City, he thankfully was able to return to Richmond after Ted changed his mind, but the team had had a difficult time accepting his return. Despite being given the cold shoulder by the team, he still looked forward to coming to the club each day because you were there.

Keeley had brought you on for PR for the club.  She and Rebecca had decided you could write a song about Richmond, which would benefit both parties, and you had just returned to the UK after being away on a North American tour in support of your latest album.  

In order for you to get some inspiration for the song, Keeley and Rebecca asked Ted to let you observe training and attend games, so you could understand the essence and culture of the team, so the song would be truly representative of Richmond. Nate was originally very resistant to the idea, thinking that you would be a distraction to the team, Beard didn’t mind, and Roy was more or less apathetic to the idea, so you were brought onto the team. 

Once Jamie saw you, he knew you were different than anyone else he had known before.  You were creative like Keeley, but you had this air about you that put him at ease. You had shown every person in the club remarkable kindness and seemed genuinely happy to be there, but he had also seemed to catch your eye as well, but Jamie was unsure if that was real or just his imagination.

Overtime, you became universally loved by the whole Richmond team because of your warmth and humor. Day by day, the bond you had formed with the team got stronger and stronger as you traveled with them for matches, hung around the club, celebrated their wins, and mourned their losses. You were all close-knit, but your and Jamie’s relationship was different than the one you had everyone else.  

It all started two weeks after you arrived when you were singing in the locker room after you thought everyone was gone. You'd taken to songwriting after hours after everyone was gone in order to soak in the atmosphere of the club to spur your creative juices. He'd forgotten his phone yet again when he caught you singing to yourself, circling the locker room.

You were shocked to see him and had blushed in embarrassment that you were singing so loud when you weren't actually the only one left, but he had made it clear that you had nothing to be ashamed of.

"I think you sound great," he had said, which made you heave a sigh of relief. "Would you mind showing me more of what you have for the song?"

You obliged, and since that day, you and Jamie would hang back after training. You'd sing Jamie the melodies you were toying with, play your guitar, and run lyrics by him. Songwriting wasn’t ever something Jamie had shown interest in, but now that you were letting him in on the process, he had grown to enjoy it, especially since it was an excuse to spend some alone time with you.

Overtime, his inclination had blossomed into what felt like a boyhood crush. He desperately wanted to ask you out on a real date, but he was worried that you’d say no and that you’d never have another of your after hours songwriting sessions or that your friendship with Keeley would keep you from saying yes.  To his delight, you immediately said yes when he accidentally blurted out "could I take you for coffee sometime?"

Coffee turned to dinner, which turned into a budding romance. As soon as the team realized you were getting along with Jamie, they seemed more inclined to hear him out, and you even encouraged Jamie to apologize. Jamie was thankful that you had helped him bridge the rift between him and the rest of the team. Now you were all like one big, happy family and Richmond was on a win streak.

From the pitch, Jamie smiles in your direction and waves his hands high above his head to get your attention. He sees Keeley point his way, tapping your shoulder.  Your eyes dart to him and you immediately smile, seeing him grinning at you like a little kid.  The whole Richmond team lets out a series of “oohs” and slap Jamie on his shoulders when he makes a heart with his arms in your direction. You wave back to him, shouting “Good luck, Jamie!”

Some of the Tottenham players look over to the group of Richmond players and then up to the stands, trying to see what the commotion from their opponents is about.  Their kitman’s eyes raise as he nearly misses one of the players hands when he tries to hand him a water bottle.  

“No way!” the kitman gasps, his eyes wide.  

“What is it?” a player says, looking to the stands as well, finally seeing you waving at the Richmond gang.  “Oh shit!” The player goes to tap his teammate on the shoulder and points up at you from the field.

“Who’s the fuck's that?!” another says rather gruffly, which makes the entire Richmond team burst into laughter as the Tottenham players seemed completely taken aback at your presence, especially since you’re sporting Richmond gear of all things.  Jamie blows a kiss your way with a flourish, which makes you blush. You shake your head at his cheesiness.

You mouth “good luck! Go get ‘em” to Jamie, and he smiles in thanks to you, his heart swelling with confidence.  Ted calls the boys over for a few final words before the match starts and with your support, Jamie’s ready to go all out with his team today. 

--

Thanks for reading!

[kelcemesoftly]

Heartbreak Series: Part 1 [[Like We Used To]] Song Imagine

Series: Heartbreak Series

Summary: How are you handling the breakup? Based on Like We Used To by A Rocket to the Moon

Words: 1291

Triggers: nsfw, i think that's it???

Part 1 of a potential series. Hope y'all enjoy!

My first Trav fanfic.... be gentle pleaseeee. Requests are more than welcome 🥰

I can feel her breath as she's sleeping next to me

Sharing pillows and cold feet

She can feel my heart, fell asleep to its beat

Under blankets and warm sheets

“How are you always so cold?!” Travis chuckled, draping his arm across your bare waist as you two laid naked, the only thing covering you both being a feather-like, white sheet. Your eyes met his as you let out a small snicker, a sheepish shrug being mustered up even though exhaustion was plaguing your body. 

“Don’t you like it? You’re the one who specifically stated you’re always too warm,” you mused, arching your brows pointedly as if to prove your point to him. As much as you gave Travis shit for it, him being warm had its perks. He was your personal body heater and you never had to worry about being cold when you were in his presence. Cold hands pressed against his back was always a welcome feeling in his mind, and he’d told you that more than once. 

You shuffled closer to Travis in your shared bed, turning around so that he was the big spoon. He tightened his arms around your body, pressing a loving kiss against the back of your head. It didn’t take long for him to doze off, exhausted from the Monday Night game he had just won. You, on the other hand, took a bit longer to fall into a slumber, though the beat of Travis’ heart eventually lulled you into a deep sleep, knowing that you were safe in your boyfriend’s arms.

If only I could be in that bed again

If only it were me instead of him

Does he watch your favorite movies?

Does he hold you when you cry?

Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts when you've seen it a million times?

Does he sing to all your music while you dance to Purple Rain?

Does he do all these things like I used to?

What you would give to go back to that time in your life, a mere year ago. It wasn’t as if you didn’t love your new boyfriend, but he wasn’t anything compared to Travis. He was different, in every single way from your ex. Trav was an extrovert, he was an introvert. Trav loved sports, he despised them. Travis’ family was everything to him, he hadn’t spoken to his parents in years. What started out as a welcome change was suddenly becoming a sad realization that you wouldn’t ever have that type of love again in your life.

Trav knew every single movie you had watched, he knew what your favorite TV shows were. He knew that you’d be glued in front of the TV every Wednesday night to catch up on all your missed shows because of the NFL’s hectic schedule. Your new boyfriend didn’t know that he should expect that because he wasn’t nearly as busy as Travis. With him, you could watch the shows as they aired live because there were no football games you attended causing a disruption in your schedule. Secretly, you’d still watch all of Travis’ games, your love and concern for him overpowering your desire to watch your shows.

As you lay next to your new boyfriend, tears filled your eyes at the stark contrast that was now your life. Your new boyfriend turned over, seeing your eyelids red from tears.”What’s wrong?” he asked sleepily, a yawn escaping from his red lips. You shook your head, not wanting to delve into the fact that you were, once again, mourning the loss of your relationship with Travis. 

“Nothing,” you whispered, your voice cracking as you said the word. In reality, everything was wrong. Nodding, your boyfriend turned over, soft snores being heard echoing off the wall. That alone made you turn to face the opposite wall, small sobs raking through your body. It wasn’t as if your boyfriend didn’t care… but he didn’t care in the way Travis would. Trav would have wrapped his arms around you, blinked several times until he came to, and then demanded you to tell him what was wrong, in the most loving way. And you would’ve told him, because he was your best friend. Perhaps that was the hardest part, losing your boyfriend and best friend all in one.

14 months and seven days ago

Oh, I know you know how we felt about that night

Just your skin against the window

Oh, we took it slow and we both know

It should have been me inside that car

It should have been me instead of him in the dark

You had been with Travis not even a month before the first time you slept together. To say it was amazing would be an understatement. He was the sweetest, kindest, most attentive lover you’d ever been with, and that was just the first time. As time went on, it only became more amazing, more magical. And you were convinced that was because of the love that radiated between the two of you, which was evident to everyone in your inner circle. 

The first time you slept with your ex had been a drunken hookup, your attempt to get over Travis. And it worked, for a couple hours. Then your mind went back to your ex, which was precisely what you wanted to avoid. And so began the triad of events, sleeping with your new guy, going home only to call him again a few hours later to try and forget Trav. Eventually, you both decided that since the sex was good, you should try out a relationship. It wasn’t bad, the sex nor the relationship, but it wasn’t the same. It never would be. You knew that, always had. 

For what felt like the millionth time, you slipped out of bed and went into the one bathroom in your rented apartment, locking the door behind you as tears leaked out of your eyes. You were so angry that you let a petty argument with Trav ruin the rest of your life, a life you so wanted with him. You’d never pictured being married until you met Travis, but now that you had, that’s all you saw. And, as sad as it was to say, all your boyfriend was was a nice distraction. 

Your mind wandered over to Travis, curious as to how he was feeling. Was he having the same thoughts? Or did he move on? Have a new girl in his bed? Tell someone else that he loved them? The mere thought alone caused you to become sick, emptying the content of your stomach into the toilet. You fell back onto your ass, desperately reaching for your phone. 

I know, Love (I'm a sucker for that feeling)

Happens all the time, Love (I always end up feeling cheated)

You're on my mind, Love (oh darling, lead her where that leaded)

It happens all the time, Love, yeah

Y/N: Hey… how are you doing?

Trav: Long time no talk! I’m alright, how are you?

You stared at the text for what felt like an eternity, but in reality was less than a minute. In your drunken haze, you clicked on his contact name and pressed Facetime, anxiously awaiting to see if he’d answer. To your surprise, he did. Fuck. What were you going to say? To do? Let him know that you tried to move on but couldn’t? Let him know you watched every single one of his games and still held your breath every time he was tackled? Let him know you watched every video and interview of him? Let him know you thought you saw the heartbroken flickers in his eyes?

“Trav… I miss you.”

[macsimagines]

This is based off an ask that @what-is-shame sent me!! I deleted the original ask sorry but I hope you like this one!!! I finished earlier than expected but heads up its not edited at all so there may be mistakes!

TW: This is a Yandere Fic with sensitive subject matter! Please don't read if that stuff bothers you! MINORS DNI

Yandere!Shinji Hirako

You were the right person at the wrong time.

Shinji had met you before everything went wrong in his life. Before he became a Vizard, before he was exiled, before Aizen had betrayed him and turned him into a monster.

He had wanted to marry you. The biggest mistake of his life had been putting off asking for your parents blessing. He knew he couldn't trust his lieutenant and wanted to keep you as safe as possible. If he had made you his bride it would've just put a bigger target on his back.

So he waited and then missed his chance. For two hundred miserable years he had mourned the loss of what could have been, but he tried so hard to bury all those feelings of regret. His friends needed a leader and he couldn't afford to let himself be overcome with grief.

The former Captain was a smart man, he knew that you'd move on eventually and so he tried to as well. But it all felt so empty without you. He could flirt all he wanted and charm women with cheap lies, but his true first love would always be you.

But then an actual miracle happened.

Aizen had been defeated. Kisuke's plan had worked. Ichigo had come out on top.

And Shinji could return to the soul society.

None of that was what the miracle had been though. It was the fact that you, his perfect angel, had actually waited all this time for him to return. You had faith he'd come back to you.

"I ain't the same man I used to be," he had explained full of regret, "I wasn't faithful, I wasn't strong enough to get revenge, I'm just a mons-!"

You had hushed him with a kiss, the touch of your sweet lips making him feel like a man dying of thirst getting to drink water for the first time in years.

"I don't care about any of that, I just wanted you back and that's all that matters to me."

Shinji loved you. And he wasn't going to waste any time, he wasn't going to have any damn regrets. He was going to marry you. But you're old school. Always have been. Eloping wasn't an option you were willing to entertain.

"Shinji, come on, let's just do this the right way. Ok?"

And damn him he couldn't tell you no.

"Fuck this," his hollow hissed bitterly in his mind, "Permission? Who needs that shit?"

You do. For once, he was going to do right by you.

"We never should've fuckin' left her here in the first place. The right thing would've been to just take her."

He couldn't argue with that. But he knew you'd never abandon your family, they meant to much to you. That's why he needed them to approve of the marriage. Then you would be his family and everything would finally be perfect...

"No! Never! I'd never hand my daughter over to a monster like you!"

Ya, of course shit wouldn't go his way.

"When has it ever, moron?"

Your father and mother were less than enthused when he came knocking on their door. They weren't exactly huge fans of his to begin with, but he had been a Captain and status like that would've put your family up in the soul society. Foolishly he had thought regaining his title would have held some merit but now...

Future dad-in-law was spewing out obscenities, saying he was some kind of demon that had ruined his precious daughter, meanwhile future mom-in-law was just inconsolable, crying that you were throwing your life away on someone like Shinji. Again.

"She almost died when you had gone and turned yourself into a disgusting hollow-"

Like I would've done that on purpose you moron...

"Then she actually WAITED on the likes of you! So many good suitors tossed aside for a man who gave up his humanity! WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST STAYED GONE!?"

One would have thought Shinji had been a saint the way he just sat there and took all that verbal abuse. He'd have to thank Hiyori later, she had been great practice.

"Just kill 'em already. No one can stop us. No one can take her from us."

No. He could do this. He could sit there and take everything on the chin if it meant he could finally have you. Then of course, your mother had to go and finally contribute something other than her sobs...

"We have to marry her off to that Nobleman! Before it's too late!"

That makes Shinji more nervous than any of the meaningless insults or threats your father shouted ever could. Marry you off? To someone else? No. If they wanted to have you wed to some rich asshole then they should have done it when they had the chance! They can't just take you from him-!

They won't.

It's not his smartest move. Shinji did pride himself on being a careful guy, someone that wouldn't loose his cool easily but...

Sakashima Yokoshima Happofusagari

He watches the chaos unfold. He thinks the noises are the worst part. The knife meeting your dad's stomach, the wet sounds the stabbing makes, the sound of your mom's skull hitting the floorboard over and over again. That loud crack echoing in his ears.

His hollow, howling with laughter in his mind. "Ya did it! You crazy sonovabitch! Ya actually did it! Way to make a fuckin' mess!"

Shinji didn't have time for regret though. Not when he heard the way you screamed at the sight of your parents bloodied corpses.

No amount of trying to console you sufficed either.

"Get away from me! How could you do this!?"

What was he supposed to say? They were gonna take you from me? He's only one man. After two centuries of living without you, finally getting you back and then being threatened with loosing you... It could drive anyone mad...

He feels like his body is moving on auto pilot. Shinji is grabbing you rougher than he ever has, and is tying you up, not in the hot ways he has always dreamed of either, and taking you back to his private quarters. Thankfully, he had the sense to knock you out. He doesn't think his heart could take you calling him a monster.

This wasn't the way he pictured carrying you bridal style into his home. Fuck, this wasn't how he wanted this to go down... setting you down on the mats he caresses your cheek, wiping away stray tears.

Shinji knew this wouldn't come back to haunt him. The new head captain, Kyoraku Shunsui, was a shadier man than that old geezer before him had been. He'd let the Vizard get away with having murdered your parents, and even allow him to keep you tucked away from the rest of the world.

Realistically, no one would come to your aid. He wasn't glad that this was how he resorted to keeping you with him though.

"Shuddup, you whiny idiot! We finally have our bride!"

Laying back on the mats with you, and staring at your passed out face, Shinji's heart finally breaks when he realizes the dark truth.

"Yer the idiot," he hisses, "She's never going to be our bride. Just our prisoner."

[ereardon]

My Girl [Chapter 10][Jake "Hangman" Seresin x OC]

Summary: Jake Seresin could be the answer to all of your dating woes. He’s the full package: steady job, mature, dependable, attractive to a fault. The polar opposite of every guy your age and he’s everything you’ve ever wanted in a partner. But there’s one roadblock: he’s a single father to four-year-old Ellie. Jake is looking for a level of commitment you’re not quite sure you’re ready to give, and he’s not willing to bring someone into his daughter’s life who isn’t there for the long haul. And even if you are stepmom material, is Jake ready to let someone back in his life while still mourning the recent loss of his late wife? 

Pairing: Jake “Hangman” Seresin x OC [Lawyer Natalie West]

WC: 2.2K

Warning: Age gap, cursing, light smut

Series masterlist here

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“Not again,” Rebecca groaned as she approached your desk, the lavish bouquet teeming with roses perched precariously on the edge. You scooted it inward to safety and looked up at her with a grin. 

“Sorry.” 

“You so aren’t,” she said, stooping and smelling a bulb. “I think Harris has a literal Netflix and Chill night planned for us. How lucky am I?” 

“You are lucky,” you said, swinging around in your swivel desk chair to face her. “He loves you. That’s lucky.” 

“Safe to assume things are going well with pilot dad?” she asked and you chuckled. “I would say so, based on how beautiful these flowers are.” 

You had always prescribed to the rule that you shouldn’t complain about significant others to friends or worse, family. Because then all they would ever be able to see would be the negatives. It was much easier to forgive your own partner than your friend’s or family’s partners. 

So you simply nodded. 

“He’s great,” you smiled. ���And I love Ellie. Like truly obsessed with her. I know I said I was afraid of kids but she’s barely even a kid. She’s just this sparkly little person who always gets excited to see me. Like a dog come to life.” 

Rebecca laughed. “So you’ve yet to see a tantrum?” 

“Not yet.” 

She stood up and straightened her skirt. “Oh, sweetheart, just you wait. They’re cute, until they’re not.”

You grimaced. “Not eagerly awaiting that.” 

“So what are your Valentine’s plans?” 

You shrugged. “Jake just said he’s picking me up at six and to wear a dress. That’s it.” 

Rebecca raised an eyebrow. “Curious. OK, I expect the full details on Monday.” 

“I promise,” you said, crossing over your heart and you could hear her warm laugh as she sauntered down the hallway. 

You smirked but as Rebecca’s long legs disappeared around the corner, she was replaced by Patrick’s hulking presence. You sucked in an involuntary breath, anticipation tight across every pore. He shot you an unreadable look before hooking right into a conference room. You let your breath out in a shudder. 

It had been nearly a month since your face-to-face with Patrick. So far there had been no repercussions, no discussions with HR, no threatening emails, no taking you off of accounts. Somehow it had been swept under the rug. 

Perhaps it had been, for him.

In your head, you were plotting revenge. 

***

The doorbell rang exactly at six. You ran your hands down the sides of your pink dress, smoothing the tight fabric that fell from the off-the-shoulder sleeves down to your knees, the slit in the back letting air travel up mid-thigh. For some reason, you felt nervous. Your feet shook a little in the tall silver Louboutins. 

Immediately, Ellie’s voice filled the hallway as you pulled open the door. 

“Wow!” she said, awestruck, her tiny mouth open in a perfect “O” shape as she looked up at your dress. “You’re so pretty.” 

You chuckled and bent down, pulling her into a hug, her fingers finding traction on your neck beneath your curled hair. “Hi peanut,” you said, standing up and taking in her sweet outfit: a small red dress with a pair of matching glittery shoes, a bow in her hair that was slightly crooked. You reached out immediately and set it straight, finally looking up to see Jake lingering behind Ellie with a grin spread across his handsome face. 

He was wearing a navy shirt tucked into a pair of navy dress pants, a dark green crocodile belt slung around his narrow waist. You leaned over Ellie and pressed your lips to his cheek. 

“Hey there,” you whispered. 

“You look amazing,” he said softly. Ellie bounced at his heels. “Ready to go?” 

You nodded, grabbing your purse and a wrap from the stair banister before following them out the door. 

Jake had somehow found a fondue restaurant on the beach. Ellie was having the time of her life dipping bread and carrots into the melted cheese, and when dessert came around Jake let her choose two different sauces until she had both milk chocolate and white chocolate peanut butter remnants smeared across her face. 

You held her in your lap once she had gorged herself on the chocolate dips, her eyelids already growing heavy. In the distance, the waves crashed onto the shore, a constant drumbeat that threatened to lull you to sleep, too. 

Jake smiled at you over the table as you lifted a glass of wine to your lips. “Thank you,” he whispered. Sometimes it was hard to reckon with the fact that he was so insanely attractive. Even the smallest thing, like when he would smile at a waiter or the nimble flick of his wrist as he signed a check, underscored how gorgeous he was. Every time he looked at you was like a pinch me moment. The fact that he was yours. The fact that he had chosen you. 

“For what?” 

Jake’s eyes trailed down to Ellie, who had her head tipped back against your chest. She was either asleep or close to it. “I’m sure this isn’t the Valentine’s Day you had dreamt of,” he murmured. 

You reached out one hand to grab his on the table, intertwining your fingers. “It’s perfect.” 

A softness overtook Jake’s face. “I love you,” he said and it was so natural rolling off of his lips. But one look into his clear green eyes and you knew he meant it. He meant it with every cell in his body and every breath in his lungs. He was your heart, now. You were tied to him. 

Back at the house, Jake carried Ellie gingerly from the car inside, putting her to bed after changing her out of her little red dress. There was a new stuffed walrus on her bed and you smiled as she rolled over in her groggy state, pulling the plush toy into her arms and falling fast asleep. 

You followed Jake downstairs, where he pulled out a small bluetooth speaker, hitting play and instantly the quiet, dulcet tones of Frank Sinatra filled the living room. “Dance with me,” he said, holding out one hand. 

Jake wound one arm around you, the other hand holding yours tightly between your chests as you swayed in a small circle. You laid your head on Jake’s chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. When you pulled back, he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours and the world stopped turning on its axis for a moment. 

There, in his living room, with Ellie sleeping gently upstairs and The Way You Look Tonight cooing into the evening air, you felt it. The way your world shifted, if just for a moment. Letting Jake in. 

It was like up until that moment you had been filling a single journal page, and suddenly, Jake’s lips dancing across yours had flipped the page and you were starting anew. And there was nothing there but Jake. Just Jake. Lines and lines of descriptors for how his hands felt against your waist and the heat of his skin on yours and the dreamy way he looked into your eyes and you knew that you could trust him with your life. 

Your life had split in two. Before Jake and after Jake. 

There was no going back. 

“I love you,” he murmured into your hair, your fingers curling around the hair at the nape of his neck. “God, I love you. Watching you with Ellie tonight. How did I ever find someone so perfect?” 

He pulled back, running one finger over your cheek. 

“You’re it for me, Natalie,” he whispered. “I didn’t think I would find it again, but I did. And thank God it’s with you. I am so ridiculously lucky that it’s you.” 

“Find what?” you asked quietly. 

Jake’s green eyes softened. “True love.” 

And then he leaned back down and pressed his lips against yours, gathering you into his arms, carrying you effortlessly upstairs and laying you down on the bed. The heat of Jake’s lips traveled across your neck and down your chest. He lingered for a moment on your lower stomach, like he would if you were pregnant. You could almost hear the thoughts clicking around in his mind. He wanted another kid. He was an amazing dad, you had no doubt that he would be the perfect guy to have a baby with. But before you could get too in your head, Jake’s lips dipped lower, his teeth nipping softly at the plush skin of your inner thighs before he pushed aside your silk thong, running his tongue across your wet folds, forcing a sigh out of your mouth as he took one hand and pressed your hips back into the bed. 

“Let me make you feel good, baby,” he murmured against your heat. “Let me worship this body.” 

And you let him. 

Let him bring you to orgasm on his tongue, let him run his hands all along your trembling body, let him hold your hips so tight you were worried you might bruise as he slowly slid his cock inside of you as you clenched down on his massive length. Let him fuck into you while you buried your sobs of pleasure into the silk pillowcase, let him flip you around until you were on your knees and Jake had your back pressed against his chest, his mouth filling your ear with soft praises. Telling you how much he loved you. That you were made for him. That he never as long as he lived wanted to put his cock in any other woman, that you were it for him. You were the appetizer and the main course and the dessert. That no one else could compare to the way you felt around him. 

You let him spill inside of you, his grunts heavenly in your ear, his hands gripping your breasts tightly, his chin falling to your shoulder. 

And afterward, you let him pull you in close beneath the covers, run one hand across your side before landing on your neck. He pressed his lips to his favorite spot beneath your left ear and you wondered if the white-hot heat of his kiss would leave a mark. It felt like it was tattooed on your skin. 

“Natalie?” he whispered as you started to drift off to sleep. 

“Hmm?” 

“Happy Valentine’s Day.” 

In the morning, you rolled over to an empty bed. The smell of pancakes wafted through your nostrils and you pulled yourself out of bed and down the stairs to find Jake and Ellie standing at the stove. He had her in his arms as she sprinkled chocolate chips into the pancake rounds as they cooked on the griddle. She laughed as her fist opened and a shower of chocolate dropped into the middle pancake and Jake shook his head. 

“That’s way too much!” 

“No, daddy,” she said as he put her down. “It’s perfect.” 

“Good morning.” They both turned around with smiles and you stepped forward, accepting the coffee mug Jake offered. 

“Ellie, sweetie, why don’t you go get Nat’s present?” 

Ellie skipped off and you raised an eyebrow. “Present?” 

Jake simply smirked and turned back to the pancakes in the pan. Ellie returned a moment later, holding out a small rectangular present wrapped in silver foil. She took a seat at the island counter and you slid a finger under the wrapping paper, revealing a sleek Ray Bans box. 

“Now we match!” Ellie said, and you watched her slip on her tiny aviator sunglasses. You laughed, turning around to look at Jake only to find him also wearing a pair of matching glasses. You were laughing so hard you had to physically put your hands on your thighs to take a deep breath, coming to standing after a good twenty seconds and slipping the glasses on over your eyes. 

“I love them,” you said. “Thank you both.” 

“Ellie picked them,” Jake said, shoving the sunglasses back up on the top of his head and plating the pancakes. “Said she wanted everyone in the family to have them.” 

Ellie grinned from her place at the kitchen island, and you watched Jake’s smile widen as your mouth dropped open. 

Family. 

They were your family now. 

You looked around. The casual way that Jake slid two pancakes onto your plate next to Ellie. The soft smile he gave you as you hooked the sunglasses onto the collar of your sleep shirt. How Ellie washed her tiny, sticky hands in the sink using the stool that Jake had bought and helped her paint pink with daisies on it that lived permanently next to the sink so she could always reach the faucet. 

You had walked into a family. You had known that all along. But the fact that they wanted you made your heart swell. Watching Jake whisper into Ellie’s ear and tickle her beneath her thin arms, her laughter filling the sun drenched kitchen, suddenly made everything fall into place. 

He was the man you had always been searching for. And here he was, on a silver platter. 

Were you ready?

A/N: A fluffy chapter as requested! We will start to get some conflict in the next chapter. This one is short, because I wanted to get it out and soothe some souls from last chapter!

Tag list: @double-j @seresinhangmanjake @topguncultleader @hangmandruigandmav @momc95 @minamisulemisa @shawnsblue @blue-aconite @brehonodea @crthurston @angelbabyange @jason-toddsthighs @secretsicanthideanymore @taytaylala12 @mandylove1000 @mizzzpink @showmethewayhomehoney @tvjunkie08 @mygyn @wkndwlff @sadpetalsstuff @shanimallina87 @averyhotchner @oneelleandaneye @starrynightskyz @daddymack01 @buxkybarnez @pookie-cleary @clairedelarosa-blog  @princessofglitterland  @tiredqueen73 @lovingjakeseresin @lilyevanswhore @kurtkunkle17 @amortentiadrops @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @abaker74 @xoxabs88xox @novagreen04 @townmoondaltwistle @rosiahills22 @indynerdgirl @entertainmentgal8 @misshoneypaper @starkleila @ebonyhogan24 @rosewritesitout @sammysimpin @khaylin27 @localhockeygirl @eyesthatroll @wildxwidow @wildlyobserving @bellaireland1981 @wittywhispers-blog @xomrsalliej4787xo @rosiahills22 @oiseul @showmethewayhomehoney @callsign-joyride @teacupsandtopgun @jordanturpen @sexytholland @daddymack01 @pookie-cleary @eternalsams @djs8891

[casuallyimagining]

When September Ends // part three.

Min Yoongi x female reader

Summary: Six years after leaving your home planet, you’re forced to confront your past… and the one you left behind.  Word Count: 2,967 Genre: Star Wars au, friends to enemies to lovers, angst Warnings: minor character death, survivor's guilt, yoongi has anger issues, mentions of the death of an entire planet, anxiety, alcohol, reader character suffers from the burden of high expectations, mentions of torture (nothing  explicit), mentions of needles, hospitalization, brief descriptions of scarring, brief descriptions of panic, hospitalization, an assassination attempt, a gun fight, murder

Notes: Thanks to @daechwitatamic and @the-boy-meets-evil for listening to me complain about this fic, helping me plan, and beta-ing for me; to @oddinary4btsfor the late-game encouragement and edits.

Playlist: All of the poetry in this fic has been pulled from various songs and poems. You can find all the songs (and some others) in the playlist that I made for this fic on Spotify.

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Tee is still humming a soothing tune when you land on Orto Plutonia what feels like eons later. Your breathing has evened a bit, and your heart is no longer racing, but you still feel like there’s a rock in your stomach, and a bantha seems to be standing on your chest. But you push those feelings aside–you’ll get over it, eventually. You have a lifetime to mourn and move on from the loss of… whatever your relationship with Yoongi was.

You stand and stretch, and you can feel Tee’s hand on your back, steadying you. You glance outside through the windshield. The wind is blowing gently, taking clumps of snow and ice with it. Why did you always assign yourself to the frozen planets? Apparently you hadn’t gotten enough of it on Fest or Hoth–you had to continue the torture, even when it was your choice. 

Could have gone to Canto Bight, you lament silently, shrugging on the long, puffy coat you’d brought. Could have gone undercover as a cards dealer. But no. Had to come to the furthest planet possible.

You step off the ship, Tee clanking down the access ramp behind you, and you’re greeted by a tall, fuzzy creature with two sets of eyes. He raises a hand in greeting, and you respond in kind. 

“Thank you for letting me come to your planet,” you say to the Talz. “I hope to leave as soon as possible.”

Tee translates for you, a string of grunts and growls and snuffles. It’s one of the perks of having a custom-built droid. She’s part medical droid, part protocol droid, part pilot, part whatever else you need her to be. You introduce yourself and the Talz–whose name, you learn, is Multap–leads you up an icy slope to the village where his father is chieftain.

Despite the wind, it’s surprisingly not that cold. Your coat does a good job of warding off the chill. Multap shows you the hut you’ll be using as home base and leaves. The Talz seem peaceful, but part of you is glad they’ll be leaving you alone for the most part. You aren’t particularly ready to have a mission partner.

It’s a simple reconnaissance mission. Word had gotten to the Alliance that the Empire was scouting planets in the Outer Rim to build secret research bases. Orto Plutonia happens to be one of those planets. There are seven Alliance agents–eight, including you–currently exploring the ice planet, looking for signs of the Empire. You each have a sector to scour and report back on. It was estimated that the whole thing would take two months. Just long enough for you to figure out the rest of your life.

You settle into the hut easily. Tee brings a few crates from the ship and you begin to build your home for the foreseeable future. One of the crates contains a long-range communications terminal. As you assemble it, you can’t help but think of the irony of it. It was Yoongi’s brother who had taught you how to put together most communications equipment. He’d taught you how to build it, how to repair it, how to hack it. Everything he’d learned in the factory on Fest. And as you gently plug the final ribbon wire into the board, you flick on the power and the terminal’s screen springs to life.

Thanks, Dae, you think dryly. 

You take some time to double-check the encryption, making sure it fits the most recent Alliance ciphers before sending off a quick message that you’d arrived safely.

Yoongi sits in the mess hall. He’s still cold, still hates this planet, still hasn’t slept. Mostly, he’s been assigned to sorting through intelligence sent in from resistance agents stationed in every far-flung corner of the galaxy. He’s been up to his ears in data, rumors, and flat-out lies. Finally, he gets a break from it all, but almost immediately, his brain floods with thoughts.

Thoughts Yoongi doesn’t particularly want. Thoughts that keep him up at night.

There’s a weight pressing on him, like he’s trapped under the rubble of a building that’s just fallen down. His lungs feel heavy, his heart is a rock in his chest. He’s angry, but now, it’s mostly just directed inward.

His caf is cool in its mug when two trays plop down on the table in front of him. Yoongi looks up to see Namjoon and Seokjin–another member of Namjoon’s band of lost-and-found. Namjoon smiles, and there’s something soft and kind in his eyes. It’s not pity, Yoongi thinks, but something more akin to understanding and empathy. He’s had some time to get to know Namjoon, and ultimately, he likes the young leader. Yoongi can see a lot of himself in Namjoon, he can see hints of sorrow just under the surface. Namjoon only lets it show when he thinks no one’s looking, but Yoongi is always looking. It’s his job to look, to observe.

Seokjin, almost eerily, is polished, always perfect. He’s always got a joke, always knows the right thing to say, always has control of the situation. He’s taller than Yoongi, but he has an impeccable talent for disappearing into crowds. He’s jovial, but there’s a subtlety to him that Yoongi appreciates. But Seokjin hates to be alone, and more often than not, Namjoon and Seokjin can be found together.

“How are you feeling?” Namjoon asks gently. Yoongi barely looks up from his caf, a glare and a scowl evident on his features. Namjoon nods. “Ah.”

“You shouldn’t make faces like that, Yoongi-ah,” Seokjin scolds playfully, pointing a spoon in the younger man’s direction. “Your face will freeze and people will think that you’re a Dressellian.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes, but he does his best to school his face into something more neutral. It’s not either of their faults that he feels this way. He should at least try to not take it out on them.

“What do you want?” It comes out harsher than intended, and Yoongi winces at the edge to his voice. But there’s a crack, too, and he thinks that Namjoon picks up on it, because the young leader smiles gently.

“How would you like to get off this frozen rock for a while?”

Three weeks of uneventful scouting pass. You get used to the cold after a few days, but the food Multap brings you is absolutely abhorrent. Thankfully, you’d brought some rations to supplement the Talz’s generosity, but god, you aren’t sure how long you can survive on bland root vegetables and flavorless broth. 

Entirely by chance, you finally get a lead one morning when your dreams are plagued with images of things–people, a person–you’d rather not dwell on. You give up sleeping sometime in the wee hours of the morning, before the sun has risen over the snow-covered horizon, and so you make yourself a cup of caf and sit by the window, watching the sky change colors. Suddenly, a small craft flies slowly overhead, the red lights of its rear thrusters standing out against the darkness.

You dress quickly, grab your gear, and within minutes, you’re out the door. Tee is hot on your heels, complaining the whole way about how you need more sleep. It’s strange and exhilarating, this unplanned recon. Normally, you’d meticulously plan, come up with contingency plans, make sure you knew what would come next. But there’s no time, and maybe something in you is excited to not have a plan for once.

It’s eerily quiet out in the snowfields. It’s fairly flat, which makes it infinitely easier to track the ship to where it lands. However, that also means there’s almost no cover. You manage to duck into a rocky outcropping, peeking out around the crag to watch. Tee sits behind you, folding up her arms and legs, making herself small. Her metal is a black matte, and she stands out against the snow, but she shoves herself against the rocks to lessen the chances of being spotted.

A small group of stormtroopers–two lines of four–march out of the ship, guns in hand. They approach a set of several makeshift buildings nestled against the cliffs. The buildings all bear the Empire’s insignia and are no larger than military tents with solid sides. The troopers stop just outside of the foremost building and salute. You can see at least one Imperial officer standing at the entrance. He moves aside to let them in.

“What are they doing here?” you whisper. Tee beeps lowly in response. It’s not what you were expecting, but you also know she’s recording, creating something concrete you can send back to the rebellion when you’re back to the hut.

But when you shift your weight so you’re more comfortably pressed against the crag, you hear something click. Far too late, you register that it’s the sound of a blaster coming off of safe mode. You freeze, raise your hands. Slowly, you turn. 

Commodore Grafner stands in front of you, blaster at the ready.

“Hello, bartender.”

The cursor on Yoongi’s datapad blinks at him, judging him. He hasn’t written anything. Yet. He hasn’t written anything in a while. Poetry used to be a comfort, a way to calm his mind when his thoughts turn ugly. He’s always been able to take the storm in his head and turn it into a stanza or two, to separate himself from the emotions so he could examine and work through them outside of himself.

But his recent nightmares have stuck in his mind’s eye so spectacularly that he’s having a hard time putting things down in his notes. It’s been weeks, and he’s barely gotten any sleep because every time he tries, he sees the same damn thing.

You’re there. Because of course you are. Yoongi does his best to push you to the back of his mind during his waking hours, but his dreams have a different idea. And what’s sad is, nothing ever really happens in the dreams. You’re there, and Yoongi’s there, but you don’t say anything and you don’t do anything, but for some reason, he wakes with the most disturbed, dread-filled feeling in the pit of his stomach. It fucks up his whole day, clouds his mind when he should be focused on other things.

He’s running on empty at this point, and he’s positive that he’s going to pass out in the middle of some corridor. Thanks to Namjoon, he’s stationed in an unfamiliar place–a Mon Calamari star cruiser orbiting around some Outer Rim asteroid–which means he can’t just go hide in some convenient corner when he feels like this. 

But for now, he’s chugging caf from a reusable cup, tucked up against one of the windows of the cruiser. The asteroid is just barely visible below, its craggy surface hiding a smuggler’s haven. Yoongi sighs, leans his head back against the steel support beam surrounding the window, and curses his datapad, turning it off.

“Has it offended you in some way?” Seokjin’s voice makes Yoongi jump, and he hits the back of his head off the steel behind him. The older man apologizes and hands him a fresh cup of caf. “Mind if I crash the party?”

For a moment, Yoongi is tempted to reject him. He’s not really in the mood for Seokjin’s jokes. But at the same time, it’s not like he’s really doing anything. He may as well not do anything with Seokjin. So he gestures to the rest of the empty space in front of the window silently. 

Seokjin sits, mirroring Yoongi, his back against the beam on the other side of the window. He sips at his caf, eyes on the asteroid below.

“I didn’t think it would be so pretty,” he says, nodding to the empty space outside the window.

It’s true. The striations and bands of minerals on the surface of the asteroid, pockmarked by impacts from meteors and ore drilling, are strikingly beautiful. Twice a day, the asteroid is in perfect view of all of the planets in the system it orbits in, and the glows from the star’s light through the planets’ atmospheres turns the space around the asteroid into a kaleidoscope of colors.

Seokjin clears his throat. His tone is somber when he speaks. “I uh… I get nightmares too, sometimes,” he says quietly. For a moment, Yoongi is confused, but then the older man continues. “The walls are really thin, you know. I guess I should consider myself lucky that you’re only having nightmares and not really good dreams.” It’s a joke, but he says it so seriously that Yoongi can’t even bring himself to be offended by the innuendo. “But I… I wanted to tell you that. That you aren’t alone, I mean. I have a lot of regrets about where I left things with some people. That’s mostly what I dream about. And I would give anything to be able to go back and fix things.”

There’s a sharp response on the tip of Yoongi’s tongue, something along the lines of telling Seokjin to kindly and immediately fuck off, but he never gets to say it. Just as he opens his mouth, Namjoon appears behind them. 

“We need your help with the comms array.” It’s directed toward Yoongi.

His reply dies in his throat, the venom gone with the moment. Seokjin says nothing about it, merely stands and asks if Yoongi wants him to toss his cup for him. 

It’s infuriating.

They took your coat. It’s freezing in the Empire’s makeshift buildings, and they’ve left you with no protection from the cold. Thankfully, the walls keep out the wind, but they’re so thin that they do almost nothing to keep heat in. You’re alone in an empty room, hands secured behind you to the chair you’re sitting in. There’s no way for you to tell how long you’ve been here, but it feels like at least an hour since they threw you in the holding cell.

You have no idea where Tee is, they separated you from her when Grafner brought you in. As annoying as the droid can be, you’re a little distraught at the idea that she’s been destroyed. It’s a small comfort that you don’t currently need her, though that’s probably more a testament to the adrenaline running through your veins than your ability to avoid panicking. 

The door hisses open, and you have to force yourself not to look. You aren’t successful. Grafner enters the room flanked by two troopers with blasters at the ready. The lieutenant’s face is neutral, which makes you nervous. If he were visibly angry, or excited, or something, you could at least make a guess as  to what’s about to happen.

That’s not entirely true. You can certainly assume what is about to happen. 

He circles you slowly, silently. Each step echoes a hundred times louder in your ears. Finally, when he’s behind you, he speaks. 

“I would offer you the easy way of doing things, but I think we both know how that would go.” You can hear him begin to pace from one side of the room to the other. He never goes far enough for you to be able to see him. “I hope you can appreciate that I’m on a tight schedule here. I’d rather not waste time.” He steps into your field of view then, but just barely. “Perhaps, you will see that it is in your best interest to cooperate. And if not…” 

The door opens again, and a droid floats in. You can almost see your reflection in its shiny black surface. It’s covered in lights and ports. On one side, it’s got a metal rod–you can see it spark with electricity–and on the other, a long, thin needle attached to a syringe that’s filled with some sort of clear liquid.

“Let’s start with your name, hm?” Grafner takes a step closer, his hand coming down harshly on your shoulder. You shrug him off, but stay silent. “What were you doing on Bespin?” Again you say nothing. The droid floats closer. “Last chance.” The commodore grabs your face, forcing you to look at him. “This is a big one: where is the primary rebel base?”

For a moment, you stare at him. “You’re really just expecting me to tell you all that?” Your moment of bravery is mumbled, because he’s still holding your face. 

But quickly, he lets go. The sound of the slap is almost as sharp as the sting it leaves behind on your cheek. “Remember that I tried to be lenient.” His voice is dark, and he gestures to the droid.

You can hear your heart pound in your ears as it floats closer. The needled arm extends out, and you try to squirm away. The droid beeps in protest and extends a metal clamp from one of the ports on its underside. It latches onto you, holding you in place.

Your mind shifts, your thoughts are sucked to the past, to happier times. You recognize in the moment that it’s your brain trying to protect you. It’s jarring, but not unwelcome, as even still, you can feel the searing pain in your arm, the fire in your veins.

But then your focus, your memories, solidify. You see Yoongi as a small boy, still shy and quiet, following you around because you’re his only friend. You grow up together, first defending him from bullies at school, then as preteens navigating responsibilities at home, then as teenagers figuring out where you were going to land in life. Laying on the roof, annoying his brother, him sneaking into your house when you should be studying. The memories and adrenaline keep you focused, distract you so you don’t dwell on the present. It almost works.

Almost.

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so uh.... how we feelin? do we hate grafner yet? literally two of my betas read this part and were like 'how dare you'. I'm so interested in your reactions.

[cherrycola27]

Strawberry Wine

Summary: You came back to your family ranch on summer break from school. You never expected to fall head over heels for the new ranch hand. When time and circumstances took you away from each other you never truly got over it. A decade later, the passing of your father brings you back home once again. This time you are in need of a new hand who can help out. You never expect that it would be him.

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader

Warnings: Eventual Language, minor character death, allusion to sex. Minor DNI. 18+

Part 2: So We Meet Again

You spent the summer in Jake arms. Sneaking away to hay lofts, his truck, or your car anytime you got the chance. One night in mid July as you two lay on a blanket by the river he told he loved you and you confessed the same.

You both knew that like the summer, the time you had was fleeting, but the love you felt deep down for each other was hotter than the Texas sun.

Then dreaded day in September came. You were going back to North Carolina and he was going to California. Over three thousand would separate the two of you. And while you wanted to cling to the hope that you two could make long distance work, you both knew it was a silly idea.

Life has a way of throwing you off your center, just when you think you're okay.

You had never had to worry about money for school, but then your father got sick, and you used your college fund to pay for his medical bills, you needed a way to finish your degree, and like a sign from God one day, a Navy recruiter was on campus. You joined on the spot.

You told yourself it was to pay for school, but deep down you hoped it might bring one Mr. Jake Seresin across your path again.

With the help of the Navy you were able to realize your dream of becoming a surgeon, and good one at that. You were successfully working in a hospital on base when you got the call.

You're father had passed, and he'd left the ranch to you, his only child. After getting an extended leave approved, you headed back to Texas to mourn your loss, and to hire some extra help.

You knew you couldn't run a ranch by yourself. And while several of your father's hands agreeded to stay and work for you, there was a handful who refused to work for a women.

This left you in need of a few good ranch hands.

You did the only thing you could think of and put an ad out, hoping some down on their luck cowboy or cowgirl in need of a job would grace you.

You tried several of them, but nothing worked out. They were either too cocky, didn't get along with you or the others, or didn't know what they were doing.

You had almost given up hope.

You sat at the kitchen table staring at your glass of tea. Why was it so hard to find some decent help?

"Doc." Your dad's ...well now your ranch boss Rhett called to your snapping you out of your thoughts.

"Yeah Rhett? Everything okay.?" You ask him.

"Yes Ma'am. When I was in town earlier I ran into an old buddy of mine and his son. The son is home on leave from the... um army I think he said for a while and was looking for some work. He said he used to be a hand for you dad a few summers ago. I told him to swing by and talk to you if that's alright." Rhett explained.

"Oh that's great Rhett. Do you remember his name?"

"No, but I remember the kid. He was pretty good when he helped out. I think he would be a good hand but I didn't want to hire him without checking with you first boss lady." Rhett chuckles as you crinkled your nose. It's strange for a man who has known you most of your life to call you his boss.

"Well once he comes by, if he seems pretty good I'll hire him." You say.

"Sounds good Ma'am. I best be getting back to the fields now." Rhett tips his hat to walk away.

"Rhett. Please stop calling me Ma'am. You've know me my whole life. Doc or Y/N... please." You say before he walks out the door.

About two hours later there is a knock on the door.

You walked to the door hoping the person on the other side would be a decent ranch hand.

Sure you had done the work before but you needed someone reliable and so far everyone else had been a let down. You sigh before opening the door.

You know Rhett had always been a good judge of character and he said this guy had worked for your father before. You wondered who it was.

You gripped the door know and plastered a smile on your face.

You opened your mouth to greet them only to have your words catch in your throat as you met the most beautiful green eyes that you hadn't seen in over a decade.

The eyes that have haunted you since that faithful summer.

"Jake?" You breath out, almost too stunned to speak.

"Hi there Y/N. Heard you were looking for a ranch hand." He smiles at you.

"I... I am... come in" you say ushering him in.

He follows you to the kitchen where you both take a seat.

"What are you doing back here?" You ask him bewildered.

"Just got back from a top secret mission. It was pretty dangerous. I actually saved the life of two of my teammates. The Navy gave us a nice long leave as a thank you." He states. "I heard about your Pa. I'm sorry." He says.

"Thanks. The Navy gave me a nice long leave too. My commanding officers loves me so." You reply.

"You joined the Navy?" It's his turn to looked bewildered.

"When Dad got sick, we used my college fund to pay for his medical bills, I needed a way to pay for school and one day a recruiter came to campus and I joined. Finished my medical degree and I have been a surgeon in Lemoore for a few years now. But when I go back I'm being stationed in Miramar. There's a surgical position coming open there and I requested to be moved closer to the beach." You explained to him

"You're going to Miramar? Like where Top Gun is?" Jake asks with wide eyes.

"Yes?" You raise your eyebrows at him.

"Well it looks like we will be seeing a lot more of each other then Ma'am." He grins at you slyly.

"Why do you say that? And what did I tell you years ago about calling me Ma'am. It's Y/N or if you want to be technical it's doctor or Lieutenant." You shoot back.

"The squad I was in on this last mission, instead of sending us back to our other bases, they are stationing us permanently at Top Gun. Looks like we will be on the same base, maybe I'll see you around. He explains with a twinkle in his eye.

"I don't think you wife would be too happy if you are seeing me because that means you're seriously injured or dying." You tell him.

"I don't have a wife sweets. Still haven't found the right girl. Now tell me is it Dr. L/N or..." he trails off.

"L/N" you confirm "no one has been able to put up with me for long enough" You tell him.

There is a beat of comfortable silence as you two look at each other. You can't believe that after ten years Jake is still single. You wonder if he is still interested in you. If his feelings never died. You know yours didn't.

"Well, if you want the job, it's yours." You tell him before he can say anything else.

"Can you start tomorrow?" You ask.

"Sure can." He responds.

"Great. Can you be here around 6am so I can get some info and get you on the payroll?"

"Absolutely. I appreciate it. Thank you" He smiles at you.

"No Jake, thank you. You're saving my ass here because it has been a nightmare trying to get some decent help." You tell him.

You both get up and you walk him to the door.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow bright and early." You say to him as he walks onto the porch. "Goodbye"

"Bye Y/N. See you tomorrow." He waves before climbing into his truck.

Once he is out of sight you close the door and press your back too it. "Well, this is going interesting." You think before heading upstairs to figure out just what in the hell you've gotten yourself into.

Tag List: @dreamingathighaltitude @shanimallina87 @luckyladycreator2 @mak-32 @katieshook02 @samhapner6 @rosiahills22 @thedroneranger @roosterforme @blue-aconite

[mikathemonster]

You found out your love will stay unrequited. For Boromir (if he rejected me I would die on the spot. Dead. Deceased.) if you can if you don't write him could you do it with kili, if you have too many requests you can just leave this its okay just wanted to ask in case 😊

"death and despair"

author's note: oh my god SLAY I literally love writing angst. this is also my first time writing for Boromir so I'm excited for the challenge! I hope this delivers justly to your expectations, though I do apologize that it's shorter than most. (based on this post)

Pairing: Boromir / Gender-Neutral Reader

Word Count: 624

summary: as the threat of evil looms over you, it seems like nothing compared to the loss you've now faced in Boromir's death

content warnings: angst, themes of death and impending doom

DO NOT REPOST OR COPY. MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT.

To you, Boromir was your greatest treasure; no gold or gems or any material possession could replace the feeling in your chest whenever you gazed upon him or spoke with him. He was strength and courage itself in your eyes; he was a true fighter fueled by the love for his people. He was everything to you, and yet he knew nothing of it. 

To him, you were no more than another soldier. Another brother in arms, another sword and shield that would loyally follow his beck and call. But your loyalty went much further beyond the relationship between a warrior and their general. You would die and live a thousand more lives if only to give them to such a son of Gondor as he. Only he was deserving of such a gift.

But you could never tell him. Not even when your brigade was out together in the depths of the night. Not even when the campfires brought out secrets and whispers among your comrades. Not even when the flames illuminated his steely composure, and suddenly you saw not a general, but a man. A man wreathed in the love he held for his family, for his people, and for his city. A man of great valor and even greater strength, though you could see he often forgot this in times of hardship.

Even when your midnight conversations of strategies and battle posts dwindled into mutterings of lifelong aspirations, you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him that in each of your life stories you wanted to live, you wanted him by your side. You felt selfish, weak, and even disappointed in yourself by the notion that you could provide nothing for him besides your love and allegiance. 

And yet, you could not deny that nobody else could lay claim over your heart. It was his and his alone. You couldn’t fathom anyone else having it, nor could you see yourself ever lending it to another soul. Your heart was a fragile thing, but your love for him made it stronger. It made you stronger.

The last you had seen him was right before he had left to attend the Council of Lord Elrond, his brother and father sending him off as you watched him from your post at the gates of the White City. He would remain far from you, traveling further and further away until he could no longer even fathom returning, his spirit caught in a place you could no longer follow him to.

No longer would you see his steely eyes, nor would you hear the mature ringing his laughter left behind in your ears. His rough hands, his strong shoulders, his proud stance; all of it was lost to you now. Never again would you hear the tower take up the call to announce the Lord of Gondor’s return. Never again would his horn ring in your ears to lead you into battle. Never again would you heal from such a wound. Boromir, son of Denethor, was lost to you forevermore.

The whole city mourned for the loss of their fallen son, their fallen soldier, their fallen brother. Whispers spread, wondering what laid in store for the fate of the White City as worry and grief gripped the community. You saw it especially in Faramir moments before he left for Osgiliath, his expression completely lifeless. Defeated.

All you could do in the passing days was wonder what would become of your city as the shadow of evil crept over the mountains of Mordor and loomed over your home and life. Death and despair were all that clouded your thoughts in the coming days of the new age of your life. 

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

if you enjoyed this post, feel free to check out my other pieces and consider leaving a tip on my page <3

[mysterious-ocarina]

Life is an Ocean

I was bored and Karl is underrated so here we go. based off a song. My first work, I'm doing my best. This is my current hyper-fixation so just deal with it. I'm sure the story is all over the place but it's just for fun :)

Song Inspiration: CVS by Winnetka Bowling League

CW: car crash, cursing, anxiety, panic attack (let me know if I missed something)

Main Masterlist

(6.8k words)

It has been raining for a whole week, borderline storming. Valerie and her brother were cooped up in the house and getting bored of it.

"Dude, I'm fucking bored. I wanna go somewhere," she said her thoughts aloud. Her brother gave her a look that said she was an idiot.

"Where would we go? It's dark as hell outside and pouring rain," he replied. 

And so Valerie convinced him to get ice cream in the middle of the night, in the pouring rain. It would just be something fun to do.

It started out fun. They got to a nearby ice cream place. After they finished eating they danced in the rain and laughed at how silly this all was. It was cold, but they didn't care because they were having the time of their lives together.

Valerie was driving them back home, when the rain got heavier. Taking a sharper turn than she meant to, the car started to hydroplane. As the car ran right into the side of the road, she tried her best to hit the brakes but the car wouldn't stop going. She doesn't quite remember anything that happened next. She just remembers hearing the sirens and calling out for her brother. She also remembers the first thing that happened, when she woke up in the hospital.

Valerie's parents were there when she woke up, asleep in what looked like uncomfortable positions in the hospital chairs. She looked over towards them to ask what happened. She sat up leaning on her wrists, forcing her to cry out in pain and fall back into a lying position. The sudden noise awoke her parents. They had very mournful looks on their faces when they finally looked at her.

"Valerie, you're okay," her father sighed in relief. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. He hugged her tightly, cautious of her injuries

"What happened? Why do my wrists hurt like hell? Where's Trev?" She asked without taking a breath.

"Honey, you were in a car crash with your brother. The nerves in your wrist and hands were severely damaged during the crash. The doctors said that it will take a lot of practice and time for your hands to go back to normal," her mother sobbed out. 

Valerie felt like her mother was purposely avoiding the topic of her brother.

“Where’s Trev? Is he alright?” she softly cried. She had a feeling she already knew the answer.

“He didn’t make it honey,” her father cried. The family sat together and mourned their loss together.

- A couple of years later -

Valerie's POV

I turned on my computer and logged onto Minecraft. The familiar and comforting logo lighting up my screen. The feral boys wanted to do a simple speed-run with me, but I know them well. They most likely modded it with weird shit and wanted to see my reaction to it. That is usually how a feral boys + GamerMouse video goes. Them being . . . themselves and me, just dealing with it. I swear I'm their mother or something.

My hand slightly shook as I logged into discord. It's been a while since that terrible day and my hands still don't feel like they're doing any better than before. I wasn't in the best mood today because earlier, I dropped a glass cup and it shattered, making a mess in my kitchen. The glass wasn't really worth much but I just get so frustrated with myself when I’m not doing as well as I want. Hopefully, the feral boys can bring my mood up.

It looked like Karl, Sapnap, and George were already in the vc so I quickly joined them. I made sure to lower my headphones' volume expecting to hear screaming.

"Sup losers," I said in the peppiest voice I could.

"AAH! O-M-G, IS THAT A GAMER GIRL" Someone screamed. Judging by the accent, it had to be George.

"Nice to see you too, Gogy. Where's Dream and Quackity, when are we streaming?" I asked.

"Both of them said that they'll join in a little bit. We can wait in the server," Sapnap replied to me. "We were just teasing Karl about this girl that he likes."

"Whatever Sap, at least I don't have to third wheel green and blue over there," Karl nervously laughed out.

"Awww, don't make fun of DNF. They have some pretty good fan-fiction. I definitely ship it," I said. Just then, Dream happened to join the call so of course, I started singing for them, "Sometimes, all I think about is you, late nights in the middle of June. Heatwaves been faking me out, can't make you happier now."

Everyone started cracking up at my terrible singing, instantly bringing a smile to my face.

"How in character of you Mouse? You know, you should stream reading fanfiction made for you. I'm sure there are lots of interesting pairings," he laughed out. I rolled my eyes knowing he was commenting on an old stream I did about a year ago. It was very weird to see people shipping me with pretty much every guy in the SMP. It was intriguing, to say the least. 

"Whatever Dream. I would have you know that my fans are exceptional authors," I exclaimed.

Slamming on my desk excitedly I asked, "Now, who's going to stream cuz I'm ready for whatever you guys have planned for me"

- Skip towards the end of the stream -

"Damn it," I cursed my screen as it told me I died for what felt like the hundredth time. "I freaking fell off the stupid end tower again. It's my stupid hands, they're doing it again."

The whole stream, my hands had been acting up at the worst times making me die a lot. I've fallen in lava and fallen from high places because I couldn't hold the shift button and I've absolutely sucked at most pvp today, except one match with Karl but I know he was going easy on me. I was in a foul mood, but I tried not to show it because Quackity was streaming.

"It's okay lil GamerMouse," Karl softy replied. He knew how frustrated I get with my hands so he usually makes a point to make sure I know that it's okay and to not feel bad. "We could practice pvp a bit later if you feel up to it?"

"Maybe. I still haven't had dinner yet so it would be after I eat," I chuckled out. I had forgotten to eat before the stream and I was getting really hungry.

"Chat is freaking out. Half of them are calling you a simp and the other half are saying how sweet you are," Quackity told us in his high voice. The whole stream, Quackity's chat was commenting on Karl and me. Lots of shipping was happening.

"Oh shut up. Karl's just an amazing person who knows how to treat a lady. Do you know how to treat a lady, Quackity?" I laughed out loud. During his streams, I love picking on Quackity. It's just so much fun.

"I'll have you know, I'm a gentleman," Quackity scoffed.

"I'll believe it when I see it, 'Guys, please! I'm a gentleman I promise' " George mocked. All of us burst into laughter.

"Okay, I think I'm going to end the stream here guys," Quackity barely got out through the laughing and did his outro. 

Once the stream ended we hung for a couple of minutes in the vc before everyone left until it was just me and Karl.

"Just let me know when you want to practice, okay Val. You can also tell me if something is wrong," Karl told me comfortingly. He was always just so sweet and had so much patience with me.

"I'm fine, I just dropped a glass earlier and I guess it's still bothering me. I can’t stop thinking about how I won't be able to do MCC this year," I replied solemnly. I was really hoping my hands would be getting better so I could join all my friends in MCC but it didn't look feasible this year.

"Well then, we can just practice more. I promise, we will do parkour practice every day together until you become the best Minecraft player this world has ever had," Karl said enthusiastically. He seemed very excited to help me out.

"It's okay Karl. I think I'm just going to go to bed early tonight or work on that 1000 piece puzzle I still haven't finished," I tried to joke but Karl knew me well enough to know I didn't feel better. "I'll talk to you later."

"Okay talk to you later, Val," he replied.

I left the call and shut down my computer. My head is just so full of thoughts, I need to just relax and stop thinking about everything. 

Lately, the more I talk and hang out with Karl, the more I feel something I can't explain for him and I don't know how I feel about that. I've been best friends with him since I joined the SMP, thanks to Sapnap, but I can’t help but wish it was more. Especially when he is so sweet to me, how could I not want him to be mine.

As I was walking into my bedroom the doorbell rang. I was very surprised when I opened the door, to see Karl standing there with a bag of Taco Bell in hand.

"I brought my favorite lady her favorite food," he smiled at me. Speak of the devil, or more like an angel. Did he just call me his favorite lady and did he really drive all the way to Taco Bell for me?

"Is that a chicken quesadilla?" I asked like a little gremlin.

"It most definitely is! It's all for you because I already ate," he replied, handing me the food. "I knew you were hungry and you only live like 20 minutes away, so I thought I would grab you some food.”

Okay, catching feelings makes sense now. Who wouldn't catch feelings for a guy who brought them food when they were hungry?

He grabbed me a plate from the kitchen and made himself comfy on my couch. He was in some khakis and a comfortable-looking beige sweater while I was in some sweats and a t-shirt that I'm pretty sure I stole from him.

"What kind of music do you feel like listening to today?" Karl asked while he was scrolling through his phone. "Corpse has a new song, we can play that and then just let Spotify roll with that.

"Sounds good to me! I heard the song earlier this week and I've had it on repeat," I replied.

I sat down on the couch and started to pig out on my food. I didn't realize how hungry I actually was.

The next couple of hours were kind of chill. We sat and listened to music while just chatting. 

"Were you still going to do that stream tomorrow? What were you planning on doing?" Karl asked. By now I had my head on his shoulder and we were cuddling. Platonically, of course. We've always cuddled but now that I've developed these stupid feelings, it feels kind of weird, but It doesn't matter because I love it. "Didn't you want us to join you?"

"Yeah, I was planning on doing a chill stream. I was hoping I could get you, boys, to join me since my chat loves the feral boys. I also asked Niki to join and she said that she would love to," I replied excitedly. I haven't had the chance to stream with her in a long time. "How does a Q&A stream sound, or is that not creative enough? I wanted something lowkey."

"I think it will be fun. I'll definitely be there," Karl smiled at me. He checked the time. "Dang, it's a lot later than I thought. I'm going to head out. I will see you tomorrow in your stream, okay?"

"I'll see you then. Goodnight and drive safely Karl," I softly spoke to him as he left. Today, I realized that he is the most important person in my life and these feelings were only magnified.

"Hello everyone and welcome to today's stream. Today I was thinking of doing a Q&A and I have a bunch of my friends to make it a lot more fun." I laughed out. I was feeling really good so streaming looked very easy today. "I have the beautiful Niki Nihachu, and then a couple of random guys I picked up off the side of the road earlier."

"Well dang, didn't know you loved us that much. You hear that boys we got an upgrade from 'the dumpster' to 'the side of the road'," George sarcastically replied to me. "Come on, shout us out. You know you want to."

I rolled my eyes at him and flipped him off, "I have a brit, snapmap, a duck, a green blob, and Karl Jacobs!" I could hear all the guys talking over each other about their nicknames and giving me nicknames while Niki and I just laughed at them. 

"I'm a brit too, Valerie," Niki exclaimed through her laughter.

"Yeah but you're a pretty brit," I winked at her. We were cracking up, "You're in my top 5 of British people!"

"I'll take it," she replied. I could tell that the chat was already enjoying the stream.

"Okay everyone, I'm going to open up donations and you guys can send in your questions," I told the camera. I could already see some starting to load in.

[note: the _underscore_ is the questions being read by the dono voice]

_Hello GamerMouse, I really love your content. It never fails to make me laugh. I was wondering if you were single <3_

This made me laugh, my fans were always asking if I was single but it didn't really bother me too much, "Sadly the answer to that question is, yes I am single. Have been for a little while." I could see chat filling up with people saying how I was too pretty to be single and other stuff like that.

"Yo, she's single boys, who got dibs?" Quackity exclaimed at us. "I bet Karl gets first dibs, he lives the closest to her."

The boys started to tease Karl and chat was just egging them on. I started to blush a little but I hoped no one paid enough attention. Little did I know, Karl was watching my reactions and definitely saw me blush at the accusations.

_If you had to date any smp member, who would it be? also please say hi to my sister katie, she adores you :)_

"Oooh, answer the question mousy. Whom do you pick?" Dream asked.

"Firstly, Hello Katie, I'm glad you like my content. Secondly, I am not answering that," I laughed out.

"Aww, she's blushing!" Sapnap screamed, immaturely. "She definitely likes someone."

_hi I was wondering how you came up with your name_

Thankful for the new subject I answered sweetly, "I'm glad you asked cuz not many people know. I got my name GamerMouse because all of my friends are taller than me and I was always teased for being so short. Getting called short, and sometimes even small, turned into being called a little mouse. Then I just got creative and added Gamer in front of it. Fun fact: My original name was going to be Anonamouse because I was planning on being a faceless streamer."

_height check :)_

"She is definitely 4'11" guys," Quackity teased. 

"Haha, so funny Alex," I said monotonously. 

“She’s 5 foot 1,” Karl replied.

The boys immediately started to tease Karl about his knowledge of you but he just waved them off.

The stream was going well for a bit until the next set of questions came. 

_why did you start playing Minecraft and how did you get into the smp? are you going to be in mcc this year_

"Sad to say that I won't be competing this year. As most of you know, my hands are damaged and not very steady at all. I had been friends with Sapnap for a while, and he helped me find video games that I liked so I could practice my hand-eye coordination. I enjoyed Minecraft the most so I played that a lot and soon Sap asked Dream if I could join the SMP and then here I am. I owe it to Sapnap for how far I have come these past couple of years," I replied. 

I could hear some of the boys giving fake tears and sniffles to my little speech. A good thing too, because I could feel myself tearing up a little and I needed to laugh.

_How did you damage your hands?_

My face dropped but I tried to play it off so no one saw, "I damaged my hands in a, uh, car crash with my brother a few years back."

I immediately regretted mentioning my brother because I knew chat was going to go crazy at the new information. The chat was filling up with people saying they didn't know I had a brother, and asking where he was, and if he would be a guest to one of my streams.

"Guys, I'm really sorry but my brother won't be in, uh, any of my streams or videos," I said probably a little too quickly. I could feel myself start to panic. I didn't want to say the wrong thing while I was live with thousands of people watching.

I heard my phone ding a couple of times and I would bet it's texts from Niki or Karl because they knew how sensitive I was about the topic of my brother. I started to panic, even more, when people started asking me why my brother wouldn't be joining any upcoming uploads. 

I tried to tell them as calmly as I could, without crying, "My brother passed away in the crash. . . the passenger airbag malfunctioned."

As I said that, the chat seemed to slow down and I held my breath. I could feel my heart in my throat. I knew that there are a million different things that people could say about it and I didn't want to have to deal with it live. 

There was an influx of messages saying they were sorry for my loss and lots of kind words. I could feel a wave of relief at all the really kind messages. Apparently, my fans were a lot more considerate than I thought they would be. 

But the next donation I would get would send me in a downward spiral. I know most people aren't evil, but some really just wanna watch you burn.

_if you were the one driving, does that mean you killed him?_

Everyone in the VC froze. No one knew what to do or say. How does someone respond to a comment like that?

It felt like time had frozen and the world was quiet. It didn't take me long to feel like I was suffocating so I did the outro as best and quickly as possible, ended the stream, and left the vc as quickly as I could. 

I heard my phone ding with text messages but I couldn't move. I was a deer in headlights in front of my monitor. The next thing I knew, I was running into my bathroom emptying my stomach into the toilet.

Karl's POV

"if you were the one driving, does that mean you killed him?" I heard the dono voice say. 

There is absolutely no way that someone said that. At first, I thought that I misheard it but when I realized how silent it was, I knew that it actually happened.

Before I knew it, Val did her outro and the Stream ended. GamerMouse left the call.

"Oh, shit," Sapnap exclaimed in shock. "Did that just happen? Did Val leave? What's wrong with that person?"

"It says that Val isn't in the call anymore," I heard Niki sigh. "That was a shitty thing for that person to say, she's very sensitive about that topic. I think I'll call her to see if she's alright."

"Wait, don't worry about it Niki," I replied quickly. "I'm going to go to her house right now. If I know her well enough, she might be having a panic attack right now and she wouldn't answer her phone."

I left the call before I received an answer and ran straight to the door and grabbed my keys. I got into my car and headed straight to her house. Thankfully, she lives really close.

The whole drive I couldn't stop thinking about how livid I am that that person had the audacity to say that to her. I felt bad enough that the topic of her brother came up while she was streaming, but for someone to actually blame her for something like that. I just needed to make sure she was okay.

That's all I've been thinking about lately. That she was okay. I've always wanted her to be okay and happy but for some reason, this felt different. I wanted to protect her. Protect her from haters on the internet, or protect her from her own thoughts that she sometimes succumbs to.

I arrived at her house in no time. I didn't even bother parking in her driveway, instead, parking in front of it very crookedly. I ran to the front porch, pulled out the spare key she gave me, and let myself in.

"Valerie," I softly called out, hoping I didn't scare her. "Where are you?"

She didn't respond but I think I heard shuffling from her room so I headed there first. As I passed by her computer room, I noticed that her computer was completely shut off. I made it to her room and found her curled up on the floor next to her bed. “Val, it’s Karl. Can you hear me?”

She didn’t say anything but when she looked up at me, she relaxed at the sight of me. It hurt me to see her like this. All I wanted to do was hold her close and whisper sweet nothings to her, but I didn’t want to overwhelm her.

“Val, I need you to do something for me okay? Just look at me,” I softly voiced. She slowly looked at me while taking her shallow breaths. She nodded at me, so slight that if I wasn’t studying her, I would have missed it. “Just follow my breathing and listen to me.”

“Can you name 5 things that you see right now?” I calmly asked her. I could see her staring at my abdomen, watching me breath and trying to copy it. 

“I see. . . you. . . my comforter. . . the clock. . . my laundry. . . and the door,” she stuttered out.

I could tell she was doing her best to calm herself down and it seemed to be working slowly but surely. “You’re doing amazing, can you tell me 4 things that you feel?”

“I can feel the carpet. . . my phone in my pocket. . .the wall behind me. . . the hood on my jacket.”

Every second that passed just reminded me of how strong I thought she was and how much I admire her. “What about 3 things that you can hear?”

“My ceiling fan, the ticking of the clock, and your voice.”

She was doing better already. “Now what about 2 things that you can smell?”

“I can smell the candle on my nightstand and the cologne that you always wear.”

I blushed at the fact that she knew this cologne was my favorite but now was definitely not the time to dwell on that. “Lastly, can you tell me 1 thing you taste?”

“I can taste the chocolate I ate during the stream,” she softly spoke. Her breathing was pretty even by now and she seemed to be calming down.

“Wanna move to the bed, I can pick you up?” I asked her. She couldn’t possibly be comfortable where she was sitting.

She looked up at me and nodded slightly. I carried her to her bed and laid down with her. She laid her head on my chest, falling into a comfortable silence. 

“Thank you so much, Karl. Thank you for everything you do for me,” she whispered. I just pulled her in closer to me in response. It was this moment that gave me the realization that I was in love with her. I wanted her to be mine, to protect her. She was the one I wanted and I just knew that I had it bad for my little mouse.

A week or so after Dono incident -

I woke up feeling better than I have in a while. I didn’t have any kind of plans except that I might stream later and knowing Karl, it’s likely he’ll be over here at some point. Maybe he could join the stream.

I was grabbing a cup of coffee when the front door  opened. The only person with a key was Karl so I wasn’t worried about it. I yelled out for him, “I just bought some more Monsters for you, a couple should be in the fridge. If not, check the cabinet.”

As soon as he came into the kitchen he gave me a big hug before going straight for the fridge. He looked really cute today. He was smiling really hard like he was excited to see me. This made me flush a deep red but I turned around, hoping he wouldn’t see, “What’s got you all giggly? It’s too early in the morning for that.”

“Nothing in particular, just happy to see you!” he exclaimed. “What do you wanna do today?”

“Would you be down to do a stream with me? I don’t really know what we will do, though,” I asked him. I adored streaming with Karl, even if it was just an excuse for me to hang out with him. He always manages to bring this full of life energy that always puts me in an amazing mood.

He took a seat at my kitchen table, looking around my place presumably for a stream idea. His smile grew as he looked at me, “What if we did a cooking stream?”

“Can we bake instead? I found this really good looking banana bread recipe that I want to try,” I exclaimed. He immediately agreed to this idea and we started to prepare my kitchen for the stream.

We had to set up a camera that would be in a good position to see us as well as the whole kitchen. As Karl went to go buy any groceries that we would need, I cleaned my kitchen because it was a mess.

I could tell that Karl was excited to do this stream. I couldn’t tell if he was just excited because cooking streams are always fun, or if he was just excited to be doing it with me. I’m hoping it’s at least the former.

“I’m back, can you come help me bring the stuff in?” Karl called out for me. I immediately went to go help and saw the entire back seat was filled with groceries. 

“We’re only making banana bread, what’s the rest of this for?” I giggled.

“Well I got excited, and went a little overboard. We can have dinner together tonight, if that’s alright with you?” He seemed nervous and maybe even insecure as he asked this, but he was shyly smiling at me.

“Of course!” How could I say no to him? I could feel that I was blushing so I decided to distract myself with other preparations for the stream.

- Skip to stream -

“Hey guys, it’s Gamermouse and I have a special guest for today’s stream!” I pointed to the side of the kitchen that Karl entered through. He put on a huge smile for the camera. I could just feel the excitement coming from not only Karl and I, but the viewers as well. There were lots of comments shipping us, just excited to see us in the same room, as well as excitement for today’s stream.

Every time I went live this week, I’ve been paranoid that I was going to be receiving a lot of attention for my freak out with the incident, but it seemed that most people moved on from it, or at least were courteous to not talk a lot about it. I have seen fans defending me about it on Twitter though, which warms my heart. Karl also reminds me that if something happens, he’s there to comfort me.

“We thought it would be a lot of fun if we did some baking. I saw a recipe for some banana bread I’ve been meaning to make so I’m basically holding Karl hostage making him bake with me,” I tried to say seriously but I couldn’t contain my laughter.

“I’d do anything with you, you wouldn’t need to hold me hostage,” he whined at me. I blushed but tried not to read too into this comment. There’s no way that he means that, it’s just for the content.

Remembering that I’m live with thousands of people watching, I start getting the ingredients together.

- after the stream -

The stream went really well. Dream, George, and Sapnap ended up joining the stream later and made fun of us for burning the bread. Karl and I got into a miniature food fight that the boys just egged on. Right now it was just Karl and I, cleaning up our mess in the kitchen.

“That was a really fun stream,” Karl mentioned. I hummed. That was probably the most fun I’ve had in a while, and half the time I would forget that I was even live. It just felt like Karl and I were just baking together. It was so domestic, sending butterflies through my stomach.

“It definitely was. We should do it again even if we aren’t streaming,” I shyly replied to him. He immediately agreed to do it again with me. We soon had our planned dinner together before he went home.

This whole day was amazing. Karl seemed different but in a good way. He seemed very confident and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that he flirted with me more than once today. I was constantly a blushing mess.

As I was laying in bed, I logged onto Twitter as I usually do. There were so many tweets about Karl and I, most of them shipping us. There were so many people talking about how cute we looked together. This didn’t help the already growing feelings for the fluffy-headed gamer boy.

Soon enough I was scrolling through pictures and clips that people posted and I couldn’t stop the smile from growing on my face. Someone managed to clip a moment that I didn’t even know happened.

It was towards the middle of the stream when Karl and I were having our food fight. Karl and I were both giggling at the mess that we just made. I was facing Karl, attempting to get some of the flour out of my hair. He was staring at me and you could see him, not so subtly, look me up and down and smile. This was the kind of smile you gave someone you adored, someone that you admire, you love. 

I couldn’t believe that this was a real clip, that this actually happened. I didn’t mind at all, though. I saved the clip to my phone before falling asleep, thoughts of Karl on repeat in my mind.

-Next day-

“Hey Val, I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” Karl mentioned. 

I quickly turned my head towards him. I wasn’t expecting that, and my head was running through everything he could possibly say, “What’s up?”

“Well I was thinking that we could have a meet up. I was hoping that Nick and Alex would be available to come up here,” he said excitedly. It looks like he’s been thinking about this for a while. I even would bet that he already has stuff planned for us to do, streams included.

“That sounds like a lot of fun. All of you could stay here, at my place. One of them can stay in the spare bedroom. My streaming room also has a futon that the other one could use,” I started to ramble. He was smiling at me the entire time I was talking, admiring me. I blushed under his gaze.

“I’ll go call them right now to see if they’re down. Be right back, cutie,” Karl rushed before he went to my office to call Nick and Alex.

Now I was out of breath. Did he actually call me “cutie”? He’s been like this pretty much since the cooking stream. He’s been, what I think, is very flirtatious. I keep thinking that I’m hearing him wrong or that the little touches were just accidents. That they didn’t mean anything. But it’s been happening too often for me to be crazy. It’s driving me crazy.

Karl quickly came back with the most adorable smile on his face, “They were both able to come. They both got tickets to get here on Thursday and they’ll be here for a week.”

“Then I better get the place ready for them. Maybe some snacks too,” I said as I was getting up. I grabbed my keys and put my shoes on, “Wanna come to CVS with me? It’s just around the corner so we can just walk there.”

He quickly nodded and put his shoes on too. We started our walk together, falling into comfortable conversation. By the time we got to the cvs, I was in an amazing mood. Spending time with Karl just does that for me.

We got a bunch of random snacks. We didn’t know what the boys would want so we just decided to get a bit of everything. We decided to split up so Karl and I ended up having separate piles of candy and chips we were going to buy. We went to check out together, though.

“Find everything okay?” the woman smiled at Karl. There was something about her that I already didn’t like. I didn’t know what it was because she seemed nice enough.

“Yes, thank you. We are having our friends over so we wanted to spoil them with food,” Karl replied happily. 

The woman kept scanning his items while she talked, more like flirting, “What a sweet friend you are? They’re lucky to have you.”

“Oh um, thank you. I’m lucky to have them,” Karl replied. I could tell that Karl was getting a little awkward. It looked like he didn’t know how to reply to her flirtatiousness. I tried not to read too much into the fact he wasn’t flirting back at her.

The entire conversation between Karl and the woman, who we finally learned her name was Vivian, was not only making me uncomfortable, but it was making me jealous. I didn’t like this person flirting with Karl at all but there wasn’t anything that I could do. Karl wasn’t mine to be jealous over. Vivian was finally done scanning our stuff, “Here is your receipt, as well as my number so you can call me later.”

“Oh, thank you. It was nice to meet you,” Karl quickly replied before grabbing our stuff and leaving. I was in a way more lousy mood than I was when we first got here and I didn’t talk at all on the way home. I felt bad for Karl, it’s not like he did anything wrong. I was just in a bad mood.

Skip to the day we had to pick up Nick and Alex. I was definitely feeling better than I was a few days ago, but Karl was smart enough to know that something was up with me. Of course, he knew something was wrong with me, he’s basically my best friend. Thankfully, he didn’t ask about it because I wouldn’t be able to lie to him.

We had about an hour until Nick’s plane would land and then another 45 minutes before Alex’s flight landed. We still wanted to go to the airport pretty early so we could get a good parking spot. We were currently just sitting in Karl’s car waiting.

“Val, are you okay?” Karl finally asked me. I was dreading this. I love the fact that he cares enough about me to ask but I don’t know what to say because there was no way that I would lie to my best friend.

“I’m okay,” I smiled at him. He obviously didn’t believe it for a second. I was starting to feel guilty about this.

“Come on Valerie! I’m not oblivious, I can tell that something has been bothering you for a few days. Why won’t you tell me what it is?” He sounded slightly annoyed with me, but I was annoyed with myself too. He rarely used my full name.

“I just can’t tell you, Karl. I’m fine, please don’t worry about it,” I huffed out.

“But I’m worried about you, Val. you mean alot to me and it hurts to see you not your usually bubbly self,” Karl said to me. He wasn’t yelling at me, but his voice was intense. I didn't know what to do except spill my secrets to him.

“I’m sorry, Karl. The past couple of days have just had me thinking about everything. It started when we went to CVS,” I confided in him. He was watching me intently. The care in his eyes was too intense so I had to look away from him.

“When the cashier was flirting with you, I was extremely jealous. She reminded me of the fact that you are my best friend and nothing more. I was reminded that I had no right to be jealous because you aren’t mine. This whole week, I’ve been thinking about all of this and that’s why my mood is so poor. It’s because I’m in love with my best friend, when I shouldn’t be,” I rambled out. I was talking pretty fast so I don’t even know if he picked up all of that.

He was staring at me, smiling softly. I didn’t understand why he was smiling like that at me.

“So let me get this straight. You,” he pointed at me, “were grumpy this whole week because a cashier was flirting with me,” he pointed at himself. 

The way he said it, I realized how stupid it sounded, “I know how stupid this sounds, I just-”

He interrupted me with a finger over my mouth, “Well, if you were paying attention that day, you would have noticed that I threw away her number. I threw it away because the only pretty girl’s number that I need is already on my phone, under the contact of ‘Mouse.’”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Did he actually say that my number was the only girl’s number that he wanted? Did he also call me pretty? All I could do was stare back at him. I could have sworn that his face was moving closer to mine. All I could do was hold my breath.

“May I kiss you, beautiful?” He asked me. I couldn’t speak so I just nodded my head.

And to say that we kissed, would be an understatement. He put his hands on my face, holding me in place. He leaned in and immediately, I felt like I was on fire. 

His kiss was contradictory. He was passionate, like I was a drink of water in the desert but he was also soft, like I was a beautiful piece of glass that he didn’t want to break. The butterflies in my stomach that I always have when I’m with him, we’re fluttering around threatening to come out.

“You’re beautiful, and there isn’t anyone that I love more than you. You are so much more than just my best friend. You are my entire world,” he whispered to me. I started to tear up a little at his confession but he just wiped my tears away and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

“Now, let’s go wait for Nick to get here,” we got out the car and he immediately grabbed my hand to hold. We both made our way inside the airport with huge smiles on our faces, hand in hand.

[asycuwish]

aloe :   how does your muse handle grief ? chrysanthemum :   how does your muse express romantic love ?  how do they feel about love as a concept ?   edelweiss :   what was the bravest moment in your muse’s life ?  are they known to be courageous from then on ?   iris :   if your muse could convey one last message to someone they have lost or left behind ,   what would it be ?  oak :   who would your muse consider the strongest person they know ?  peony :   what would a   ‘  happy life  ’   look like in your muse’s eyes ?southernwood :   how seriously does your muse take themself ?   do they prefer a solemn   &   intellectual atmosphere or do they delight in jokes   &   banter ?  

Alrighty I am sufficiently distracted enough to take this on! Thank you a bunch @nerdqueenmari , hope you enjoy reading this. Again - any response I have will NOT be answered directly by canon material. This is from personal interpretation from the information I possess about him.

Aloe: He truly doesn't It isn't that he goes out of his way to avoid it, Fett merely compartmentalizes it. He will perhaps accept a time to mourn but it is never truly enough time to do so. Growing up and having to raise himself essentially, learn the trade of bounty hunting and always being on his toes never really allowed him to grieve Jango properly. And as he aged, the lack of previous experience, taught him by association the best way to process grief was to acknowledge the loss and stay busy. Because what was lost, is lost and nothing can be done to reverse that. However, I do want to add, every loss adds to his suppressed anger at the concept of mortality.

Chrysanthemum: Poorly. Again, he never really had much examples growing up on how love is demonstrated. He becomes overly protective in fear of losing someone else he cares for which can cause his partner to push him away, or he may fall into beliefs that his partner would be more safe had he not been involved and distance himself as a way to subconsciously self sabotage the relationship. But err - love language wise? Acts of service is how he expresses it. How does he feel about love as a concept? It is a dream that we all strive for, but never will we find a love that meets the expectations we foolishly created for ourselves.

Edelweiss: Climbing out of the Sarlacc pit. He was known for bravery (to an extent) but he had dismissed these notions having believed they were normal. His experience in the sarlacc shaped his own mentality of how brave he could be when it was needed.

Iris: If he could leave one last message to someone he lost - I would think he would ask Jango if he was proud of him, and thank him for all the good memories they did have together before saying how he wishes they could have made more. How he's sorry for not doing more to carry on the family name, but he hopes he is proud of him.

Oak: His father.

Peony: His concept of what a happy life entails is forever changing but basing this off of Book of Boba Fett timeline, I would imagine his happy life is now redemption for his past. Whether that is consciously his objective I am uncertain, but I truly do think him changing his approach and his experience with the Tuskans has led him to become a bit more merciful and reflect a lot on his past. So his happy life is perhaps a life where he could have balanced the good things he's done with the bad.

Southernwood: Depending on his company he goes between the two. He knows to be serious in certain company, but rather foolish in others. The latter of which is if he feels comfortable enough to put down his guard and the professional mask he often adorns.

[ahiddenpath]

Life Update

It me, yuh gurl.

Long personal post about...  Dealing with...  *Waves hands*  Everything.

Hey my boops, how ya doin?

I’m feeling sort of...  Hm, what’s the word?  Pensive?  Ruminative?  These days.  I guess I’m wondering: is my life where I want it to be?  If not, what do I want?  Stuff like that.  It’s a normal and common thing, I’m sure.

My life has been kind of wild since...  Actually, since I broke my foot in three places and nearly tore my ankle tendons in late 2017.  I spent about three months nonmobile, then another six in physical therapy to regain motion in my ankle/foot.  My grandmother passed in 2018 (while I was still in PT), and my family fractured after that (basically squabbling over her possessions, which weren’t valuable, but old grievances were involved, too).  I started therapy after that, and I spent over two years really focused on that- which I think is some of the hardest/most difficult work you can do, at least by choice.  The pandemic started while I was still in therapy, and I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the loss of over two years of my life???  Which is still ongoing????

So, uh, yeah, actually...  My sense of being displaced in time and my own life is making more sense, now that I wrote that out.

One of the big things on my mind recently is work.  I’m a researcher at a biotech, annnnnd our current capital will run out in Q4, based on our financial reports.  So, uh, under five months, and of course, they would have to close shop well before they hit $0 to take care of expenses (paying out vacation days to employees and paying any business debts, for example).  

Biotechs are volatile, they start and close all the time, and layoffs are common when big projects are dropped.  Our company projected income for the year from collaborations, and literally none of those deals have panned out.  It’s looking bad- but I’ve never been between jobs or unemployed since I was 16, so, um, a break would be amazing?  So I’m torn between applying to get ahead of it and taking it easy and letting the chips fall. 

I’ve always been focused on planning for my future, like...  For as long as I can remember.  My family is...  Well, I knew I’d have to support myself and be independent ASAP since I was a child.  I can’t go to my family for emotional support, advice, or a basic understanding and acknowledgement of who I am as a person.  I certainly can’t go to them for financial support; it just isn’t there.  My mom expected me to financially support her, in fact, and when she first saw the house I bought two years ago, she spent the whole visit insulting me because I told her she would not be moving in.  (My therapy session after that was a whole thing, lemme tell ya what).  It’s sad how much of my life has pointed directly towards achieving financial security, knowing that I have no place to land.  Every decision, every plan.  And, like, it worked, or at least it has so far, which is undeniably a good thing!  

But I need to figure out how to shift from “everything I do is strategized to promote economic security” to “uh hey babe, darling, sweetie pie, being happy and appreciating the moment is kind of what life is made of.”  And yet, here I am feeling hypocritical as heckin heck, because of course you need economic security to appreciate the moment!  You can’t be enjoying a croissant and a hot cocoa on your day off if you are stretching to afford a pound of spaghetti noodles for like $1.60, or whatever that costs with recent inflation- or if you’re working your second or third job on your day off.

I think I’ve been mourning things that are difficult to articulate these days, too.  I...  Don’t know if I’ll have children, that’s the big thing.  Listen, no shade to people who choose to reproduce- in fact, I admire hope in the face of adversity- but I don’t know if there will be a tenable planet for my theoretical kiddo within thirty years- or sooner.  I’m a biopharma research scientist, not a climate scientist, but I can interpret data, and my formal summary: that shit be scary.  And my country, the USA, is catapulting backwards in terms of rights and dignities.  Plus, you know, late stage capitalism hellscape, etc.  

And what about the loss of time since 2020?  I planned to spend my early 30s travelling- I am sadly an untravelled person- and now it’s heckin hard to even plan a domestic trip (fuel prices, pilot shortages, etc).  Like many people, I’ve spent the time since 2020 terrified of being sick and losing loved ones, stuck inside far more, and trying to navigate how to behave in the face of deadly unknowns- and incredibly frustrated by my country’s response.  It actually kind of reminds me of the Thanos snap.  Obviously, we didn’t, like, dematerialize, but as of this writing, there have been over a million recorded covid deaths in the states.  Lives came to a halt, and so many people lost so much- high schoolers missing out on activities and postponing college or opting for remote, babies and toddler missing periods of socialization, on and on and on.  And then, after a few weeks, we pushed on as normal, even though nothing was normal???

 So, yeah.  I feel like I’m passing my hands over my body and feeling holes that aren’t physically there.  They are there, but they can’t be seen or easily explained.  And I bet most people feel this way.  Global trauma, my guys.

I have exactly zero advice, except to be gentle with ourselves and each other.  I hope I’ll have the courage to focus on being happy, and not on how messed up the world is and wondering if the holes are expanding.  In the face of uncertainty, working harder and hoarding what we have and forgoing fun things in the name of security is...  The exact instinct of someone with an anxiety disorder who has focused on security all her life.  And I’m willing to bet you don’t need a mood disorder or a past of security-based insecurities to feel this way.

So...  Here I am, struggling to absorb everything that has been, everything that is, and a future that is more unsure than ever.  That’s it, really, even after that honkin’ wall of text.  I hope you’re hanging in there, and that you have fun things going on, even if they’re small- maybe especially if they’re small.  Much love to you, my dears.

[alyjojo]

Past Life 🗿 Karmic Spread August 2023 - Pisces

Gender I’m Picking Up On (in the past life): Female

Who You Were: 4 Wands

What You Did: Ace of Wands

How It Ended: The Devil & 4 Swords

What Karma Was Brought With You: 4 Pentacles & 10 Cups

Who You Brought With You: 9 Pentacles & 5 Wands

Additional energy: The Lovers

Past Life Oracle: Celtic, Vows, Angels

Dreaming Way: Stork, Tower, Fox

Charm:

Little Owl 🦉 on Stork

Broken Heart 💔 on Vows

TW: injury & suicide (but not graphic)

Not the most glamorous life, though your family was well off. Very well off. So well off that you could afford the more expensive privileges of society, and often turned your nose down at other people that were “below” you. I don’t get you were a mean or bad person, it was simply part of the conditioning, and the people you were surrounded by. I get a very deep Catholic loyalty from this reading, which makes your outcome much more surprising to me. You were a trophy wife, basically, spending your time with the upper class of society, and I can’t tell region wise which country, definitely Europe, at a time where thick clothing was the style (or necessary?), several layers, stockings, overcoats, and the weather is generally chilly or cold. I get wool specifically, which is weird to pick up on…so sheep were around, maybe as a defining factor of the area, and pretty far north. It’s cold 🥶

Your child unknowingly caused your downfall, based on a decision you were tricked into making, or later felt like you were. Little Owl shows them being a very smart & wise child, you thought you were doing the right thing, but I do get it being pressured on you, which is what made you break later on, because you may have had reservations. Boarding school is probably what this this, something along those lines, and tragedy hit home pretty quickly. I don’t get death immediately. If you’ve watched Game of Thrones (first episode I think?), the little boy gets knocked out of a window and becomes paralyzed. That’s what I saw happening here, not the same thing, but a debilitating & irreversible injury that eventually led to their death. It wasn’t long after, a few short months, and they were sent back home with you during that time. You then, essentially die of a broken heart, though it was self inflicted and poison/substance related on some level, it was because your heart couldn’t heal. I get them being the only child. You blamed yourself for everything, went through an intense & desperate mourning, you couldn’t take this loss, despite the fact you were *extremely* religious in a way that taking your own life was unforgivable, it’s like you begged for forgiveness, expected understanding, and did it anyway. Whew. Tough story Pisces 🙏 Breathe…if you’re empathic, and I get you are, just take a second, that’s a lot to take in.

In this life, your children are fine, if/when you have any 🩷 Not the same child. Your current life is all about love, but still full of angst. You’ve have a soulmate, the King of Cups to your Queen, and a Twin Flame 🔥 King of Pentacles. I assume the spouse comes first, and I get actual marriage here. You and your spouse are both extremely possessive people, clinging onto what’s yours, very protective and guarded against the outside world. Your side is understandable due to this past life, but you’re the one that breaks away. When this Twin comes in, you start “acting a fool”, taking time away from your spouse, and this Twin turns out to just be a huge burden in your life. Even if you love them, because of course you do. The whole Twin dynamic weighs very heavily on you, you’re tired of thinking of them, you can’t break away from this family you’ve created…and you don’t want to, because eventually your spouse will fight for you to get your shit together. I don’t get intimacy with the Twin being highlighted, but there is a deep emotional betrayal here that causes a mess in your marriage. Because you’re so burdened by this Twin, due to your deeply ingrained values, which you share with your spouse, I don’t see you ending up with the Twin, they are just here for the deep life changing spiritual lesson/awakening you both will get from this. Both are soulmates 💯 Only one is your divine match, and the other cares more about themselves, their money, their independence than a union/pair/family. They could be obviously very different than you, having totally different values & goals. Having brought the Twin (not the spouse) from this past life, they were probably the spouse from before. They still care deeply about being “above” everyone else, probably financially well off, snobby/judgmental even & materialistic in ways you just don’t give a damn about anymore. Did you ever? You’ve outgrown them, and you chose right the first time with the spouse. Deep down, you care deeply about this union the most. You’re also likely overcoming a difficult addiction of some kind in this lifetime, due to your death in the last life being willing, and relating to substances. It’s possible it’s this person you’re overcoming, Twins are intense, or it could be a literal substance that’s mind altering in some way - with 7 Cups to The Devil. Both even. Your whole experience is regarding shadow work, toxicity, release, self love, focusing on what’s important, and making the decisions that matter deeply to you. Be kind to yourself regarding everything else in life, not everything matters to every person 💕

I heard this song for your Twin this whole reading, it’s kinda cheesy but (I hear so are you 😊)

[sansaorgana]

— THE WINDS OF CALADAN (I)

PART TWO

PAIRING — Duke Leto Atreides x fem!Reader

SUMMARY — You were sent to Caladan to marry Duke Leto Atreides by the order of the Emperor himself. Now you’re trying your best to fulfill all your duties but cold and windy Caladan doesn’t feel like home, meanwhile your husband and his son treat you like air.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — In this AU Leto had been married to Paul’s mother but she died long time ago. I don’t know much about Dune’s Universe because I’ve only seen that one movie but I tried to do a bit of research. Still, if you’re familiar with the whole lore, then I’m really sorry! 🙈

WARNINGS — arranged marriage, age gap relationship, sickness (cold), mentions of death after childbirth

WORD COUNT — 4,191

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

THE WINDS OF CALADAN (I)

The Emperor’s power was based on the fact that no one else in the whole Galaxy could ever be his actual rival. No one could match him. His influence and his wealth were the source of his security.

That was why he was afraid of any family gaining too much power for themselves and considered them to be dangerous. Those families were to be destroyed in one way or another.

Your father was the Emperor’s loyal servant. He owed him his life and position, therefore he would never dare to disobey any order. And just like everyone close to the Emperor – he was being constantly and carefully watched.

From the day you were born, you were betrothed to the son of one of the Emperor’s greatest warriors. Together, you were supposed to build a new and strong dynasty that would serve the greater good of the Galactic Padishah Empire.

But the Emperor had a change of heart.

When he had sent young Arthur with an army to conquer brand new worlds, you couldn’t know back then what it had truly meant. That his decision to send a young and inexperienced warrior into the deathly combat was made on purpose. He wanted to get rid of Arthur because it was easier than breaking off the engagement between you two.

You had mourned and grieved for six months after the one you were supposed to marry. You had never been close but your heart had already gotten used to Arthur being your future husband and his loss created some sort of heavy emptiness within you.

There had also been uncertainty. Now your parents were expected to find you another husband.

But when the Emperor had told your father – six months after Arthur’s death – that he had already found a husband for you… Then it had become known that all along everything had been his plan.

Duke Leto of the House Atreides. The Emperor had been watching them for a while now. They were getting dangerously influential and rich. Soon, they could be his enemies instead of allies and loyal servants.

But for now, they still had to listen to his orders. And his newest one was for the Duke to marry you, Lady (Y/L/N).

Duke Leto Atreides was about twenty years older than you and he already had a son who was closer to you with age. His first wife had died a few years after the birth of their son, while giving birth to a daughter. They both had not made it and the Duke became a widower. However, he had never seemed to be interested in marrying again. After all, he already had a male heir. There was no need.

The Emperor sending you to him was a clear message that he had been watched. It was no secret your father had been close with the Emperor himself.

Another message was that the Duke – despite his current power and status – still had to obey his Emperor.

There was also hope. The Emperor hoped you would give Leto Atreides more sons, which would eventually lead to a civil war between the brothers of different mothers in the future. Civil wars always weakened the families.

“Am I to spy on my husband?” you asked your father the night before departing for Caladan. You were sitting on the sofa and playing nervously with your fingers while staring outside the window.

The evening was warm just like your whole planet was. Warm and sunny but never too hot. Bright and full of joy. You knew that Caladan was different. It was stormy and rainy; quite gray and depressing.

“Don’t be silly,” your father sat next to you. “However, if you see or hear something that makes you feel like you should inform me about it, then do.”

You nodded your head. You were to spy, then.

The heavy ship landed on Caladan and you were welcomed by the House Atreides’ delegates. Their greetings were short and their smiles were as cold as the weather on that day.

It even started to rain and you couldn’t imagine a worse scenario because you had your wedding dress on already. It was white and huge with its train being carried by twelve servants. Your family would never afford that but of course the Emperor himself made sure that you’d look splendid.

You were supposed to remind the Duke of the Empire’s glory. You felt more like an envoy than a bride.

He was handsome and strong despite his age but very stiff. His eyes were stern; they belonged to a true leader. He looked like a wise man and he wouldn’t be easily fooled if you wanted to play some games with him.

He wasn’t pleased with this union and it was obvious but he didn’t show you any sign of disrespect. He barely talked but you were surprised to find out his voice was much warmer than you had been expecting.

His son was a handsome young man as well. Most of the ceremony he was looking down and from time to time he dared to glance at you from the corner of his eye. Was it shyness or anger? You couldn’t tell. However, you would never replace his mother when you were only a few years older than him.

The winds and rains of Caladan made it impossible to feel like home. You missed the brightness and the warmth. You missed the sun caressing your skin every morning through the curtains instead of being woken up by the sounds of the heavy raindrops.

You sighed and opened your eyes to stare at the ceiling. It had been a month on Caladan now and you thought that by now everything would be better but it was not.

You were treated like air by all including your husband and his son Paul. In fact, you were rarely seeing the Duke. He was sleeping in different chambers and he was always busy to the point you rarely witnessed him in the dining room.

You had tried to speak to Paul but his answers were short and he didn’t dare to look you in the eye. Not even once. Your meals together were awkward and he was usually only playing with his food which had been worrying you because the boy looked very pale and skinny.

Because of the weather you hadn’t really left the palace but on this day you decided to do so. The rain stopped after breakfast and you decided to interpret it as a good sign.

Fresh air was somehow liberating. You started to walk fast to lose the loyal servant following you. Despite the mud and the steepness of the hill, you managed to get away from her. The distance was enough to feel like you were there alone.

You found yourself on a cliff with a cold sea raging beneath your feet. This planet was beautiful but unwelcoming and it was carrying a deep sadness within. Just like the Duke ruling over it.

You sighed and sat down on the stone bench nearby. You wondered would your marriage with Arthur be any different… Perhaps not. And considering how brutal some men could be, you should consider yourself a lucky woman. At least your husband didn’t want to do anything with you.

“My Lady,” your servant finally joined you while breathing heavily, “it is going to rain again soon. I suggest going back to the palace. You are not accustomed to our weather.”

“Indeed,” you murmured and lazily stood up from the bench to walk down the hill with her in silence.

Everything was always done in silence here. Or at least what had been called silence on Caladan because the sound of the blowing wind was constant.

The rain started to pour again right after you had come inside. You told your servant you’d love some tea and she left your side to prepare it, meanwhile you headed to your chambers.

There was a message waiting for you from your father. You sighed and pressed the button on the desk to listen to the recording.

“Good morning, my darling daughter. It’s been a month since your departure and you are being missed deeply. I hope that Caladan feels like home to you by now. The Emperor expects you to share the happy news with us soon.”

And that was it. The whole message from your father after the month on this planet… All he cared about was to please the Emperor. And all the Emperor wanted for you was to become a breeding horse.

The main problem was that the Duke had only spent one night with you and the reason behind that was strictly formal. Unconsummated marriage was not valid by the law, so he invited you to his chambers a day after the wedding. It was both a painful and pleasurable experience but he made sure it would be quick and swift. He hadn’t even fallen asleep in the same bed as you.

No matter what, though, you were not in a position to disobey the Emperor.

“My Lady, your tea,” the servant walked inside and put the tea down on the desk. “What is troubling you, Duchess?”

“Where can I find my husband, the Duke?” you asked her while chewing on the inside of your cheek, contemplating what you should tell him.

“Oh, I’d have to ask one of the guards, my Lady. Has something happened?” she looked concerned.

“I just have an urgent matter to discuss,” you answered. “Do not bother yourself. I will ask a guard myself,” you told her and rushed out of the chamber to find any guard walking the hall nearby.

“Are you lost, my Lady?” a male voice asked and you turned around to face a tall and strong guard. Despite his manners, he was staring at you in a very unpleasant way. Nobody trusted you on Caladan. He was probably thinking that you had been sneaking around the palace to find something to tell your father about.

“I am looking for the Duke. Where can I find him?” you asked, harshly. You were not used to this behavior but you had to survive somehow amongst those people.

“He is in his office, I believe. Analyzing the books,” the guard squinted his eyes at you.

“Can you take me there?”

“Of course, my Lady,” he nodded and you followed him through the maze made of cold corridors. “Behind that door,” he pointed at the heavy, decorated door and then he approached them to open them for you.

“Thank you,” you nodded at him and entered your husband’s office.

Duke Leto was sitting by the desk and staring at the books on the desk. He looked quite busy and focused but at the sight of you, he raised up a little and made a surprised face.

“My Lady?”

“I hope I am not bothering you, dear husband,” you stood in the middle of the carpet as the guard closed the door behind you.

“In fact, you quite are. Has something happened?” he leaned back on his armchair again. His eyes were not leaving you even for a moment and you had to hide how nervous and intimidated it was making you feel.

“I’ve received a message from my father this morning,” you started carefully. “I was reminded… about…” you swallowed thickly and looked down, losing the staring contest, “...fulfilling my duties.”

“I think you are fulfilling your duties as the Duchess just fine,” your husband answered coldly.

“He meant… other duties. I cannot fulfill all the duties by myself, my Lord,” you couldn’t believe he was actually making you say it out loud.

“I believe that all the duties I need you for are being fulfilled. Do you need my assistance with something in particular? I am quite busy, you can ask one of the servants for help and if you need a tutor–”

“I do not need a tutor, my Lord!” you got angry at his words and dared to look up again to see his face. He kept his poker face on but you could see a bit of surprisement in his eyes. “Do not insult me because I’ve been raised in a palace, too, perhaps not as grand as this one, but I do know how to fulfill my duties as the Duchess of Caladan. However, there are certain duties that we are both expected to… perform… together.”

“Expected by who?” he asked like he hadn’t just been scolded by you.

“By the Emperor,” you answered and Leto let out a deep laugh at that. “I do not find your attitude to be amusing, dear husband.”

“But I do find your attitude to be, dear wife,” he pointed his finger at you and stood up to walk around the desk and approach you. “You do not belong to your father anymore, you belong to me. And it is not my intention to force my children upon you,” he explained while standing in front of you and looking deep into your eyes.

You had to admit, it was very kind of him and very generous. Not many ladies were as lucky. However, it was not what the Emperor wanted.

And it was not what you wanted.

“We both belong to the Emperor,” you tried to explain.

“I am nothing but his loyal servant but he cannot physically force us to…” the Duke let the sentence be unfinished. “He can bring his whole army here and it won’t change anything.”

“What if he does?” your eyes widened and he laughed again.

“Do you really think he would send his army on Caladan to force us to lay together?” he asked and you let out a chuckle, too. It indeed sounded funny.

“It was not my intention to push you, my Lord,” you explained.

“I know,” he smiled at you gently and you almost gasped. He had never smiled at you before. Then he turned around to go back to his books and papers. “However, I do not wish you to come to me with such matters again, my Lady,” he added before sitting down again.

You couldn’t understand, though, because every woman who had been preparing you for this marriage, had been telling you about men’s desires and needs. Meanwhile your man – of perfect health and handsome looks – did not want you at all in his chambers.

“One more question before I leave,” you said and he looked up again, like he was surprised that you were still there. “Do I repulse you?”

This time he couldn’t hide the shock on his face.

“What did you say?”

“Do I repulse you, my Lord? What makes you so against the idea of us laying together?” you raised an eyebrow.

“I do not find the idea of forcing myself on a woman to be exci–”

“Well, it is barely forcing yourself when I am the one to invite you, is it?” you didn’t let him finish and you could feel your cheeks starting to burn out of embarrassment.

Your sudden anger made it impossible for you to stop talking despite everything.

“I already have an heir,” was all he said in a very cold voice as his stern eyes scanned you up and down.

“But I do not! Have you thought for a second about my needs, my Lord?”

“Enough,” he stood up rapidly and gave you a threatening look that sent a shiver down your spine. “Your pathetic tricks to make me do as the Emperor pleases do not work on me. I’ve already married you like he wanted me to but I will not be forced to have children with you, my Lady, is that understood?”

You gasped at his words and took a step back.

“You think I am trying to manipulate you into… What… How can you…?” It was hard to find the right words. “At least you’ve finally said out loud what you were thinking of me this whole time.”

“I know the reasons why you were sent here,” the Duke continued. “You can go now, send a message to your father and tell him about everything. You can tell him that I do not want to obey the Emperor’s wish. Come on!” he yelled and you withdrew to the room’s corner slowly. You had never expected to make him so angry but now you could see him in all his glory. It was obvious that he was the Duke, he fit the role perfectly. Even his yells were like lion’s roars.

Tears filled your eyes and your lower lip trembled but you didn’t want to leave without having the last word.

“I did not expect you to think of me so low, my Lord,” you whispered and ran out of the office after pushing the heavy doors open.

You ran past the surprised guard and you ran through all the corridors and out of the palace with tears blurring your vision.

Your tears got mixed with the rain and the cold wind was not welcoming but you did not care. You wanted to run away from that place as far away as you could.

When you woke up, you couldn’t quite recall what had happened but you felt all your muscles aching, including your throat. You were not able to breathe properly as your nose was stuffed and you felt the need to cough.

You opened your eyes and you found yourself surrounded by the darkness. However, you were in your bed, in your chambers and under a blanket. You let out a cough and something moved in the darkness. You squinted your eyes and noticed the Duke himself occupying an armchair next to your bed.

“My Lady, are you awake?” he leaned over and you nodded weakly. “I will let some sun inside,” he left your side to open the curtains.

“Is there? Any sun on Caladan?” you asked in a raspy voice and winced at the pain in your throat.

“You shouldn’t speak. I’ll let the servants and the medic know that you’re awake. They will prepare the tea with medicine and something to eat. You must be starving,” he approached you to put the palm of his hand on your forehead.

It was a very old-fashioned method that reminded you of your mother and it made your heart swell.

“It appears to me that you still have a fever,” he sighed. “I will be back soon,” he promised and left you alone in your chamber.

You sat up slowly and leaned your back on the soft pillows. In fact, now, when you moved, you felt like you had to pee. You turned around to place your feet on the fluffy carpet and you managed to stand up despite the dizziness.

You made it to the bathroom and used the toilet before washing your hands and looking at your face in the mirror.

You looked absolutely awful but you appreciated the fact that someone had washed your hair while you were unconscious. Some people found it funny how noble ladies were always expected to look grand even in sickness but you remembered from your childhood how greasy hair managed to make you feel even worse while sick.

You dried your hands with the towel and went back to your bedroom, only to find the worried Duke.

“My Lady, you shouldn’t have,” he hurried to your side to put his steady hand on your waist and help you to get under the cover again.

“I haven’t peed in ages, I think,” you admitted and he laughed at those words. Not many ladies were using such language. “Forgive me,” you added quickly.

“Nothing to forgive,” he adjusted the pillows behind your back.

“What happened?” you asked. “I don’t remember much… I remember a fight and that I ran away…” you looked down.

“There was a rainstorm outside so when I was told that you had left the palace, I got quite worried and sent my men after you. They couldn’t find you for a long while because of the weather and when they finally did, you were laying on one of the stone benches by the cliff, trembling from the coldness and soaking wet. They took you inside and you fell asleep the moment we put you in this bed. You got the fever over the night as the medic had expected but I was here to make sure it wouldn’t grow too high,” the Duke told you everything and lowered his voice at the end like he was ashamed.

“You were here all night long, my Lord?” you asked, surprised, and you looked up to see his face.

“I blame myself for your sickness. Some of my words were too harsh and I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you. It was never my intention to scare you and it hurts me to think you couldn’t stand a thought of spending another minute in my presence to the point you wanted to run away from the palace in the middle of the rainstorm. I want this place to feel like home to you because as much as I was opposed to this union, it was not your decision either. I do not want to make your life more difficult than it already is. I know you were supposed to marry the boy that the Emperor had sent to death,” Leto cleared his throat and you extended your hand weakly for his. He was visibly surprised by the gesture but he squeezed your fingers gently.

“I am not your enemy, my Lord. I know what is expected from me by my father but I do not wish to spy on you,” you started in a whisper; not to overuse your sore throat. “I respect your wish to not have children with me, however if you change your mind, please, do not hesitate to tell me, because there is nothing in the Galaxy I would want more than to become a mother,” you cracked a smile and the Duke froze at those words, which worried you that once again you had said something wrong.

“I didn’t know that,” he said eventually. “I am sorry for my assumptions and words.”

“You are forgiven, dear husband.”

“Actually, I wouldn’t mind having more children, my Lady… I just don’t think I would handle the loss again,” he intertwined his fingers with yours.

“Well, I would hardly be a loss, would I?” you tried to joke but he didn’t laugh. Insead, he gave you a stern look.

“My first wife and Paul’s mother, Lady Jessica, was not chosen by me either; it was an arranged union. It doesn’t mean I do not mourn her nor the daughter she bore me,” he explained.

“I am sorry, I shouldn’t have made jokes about it,” you whispered.

“If something happened to you or our child, I would be just as devastated. I do not wish to risk it again,” he squeezed your hand and a short silence occurred. “However, if that is your greatest wish, I might rethink that decision of mine.”

“Thank you,” you smiled at him and that was when the medic and two servants entered your chambers.

A week later you already felt much better and you decided to eat breakfast in the dining room instead of your chambers. To your surprise, you found the Duke by the table with his son.

“I haven’t seen you eating breakfast with us in a long time, my Lord. Don’t you have any important errands to run?” you asked him softly before sitting down.

“It is nice to see you, too, dear wife,” he smirked at you.

Confused, Paul raised his eyes to look at you two. He hadn’t witnessed you both being like this with each other before.

“Actually, I have to leave now, sadly,” Leto stood up and you pouted. “I wish you a good day.”

“And I, you,” you nodded your head at him.

“Son,” Leto looked at Paul.

“Father,” they both nodded at each other.

You were about to reach for the food when you felt Leto leaning over to whisper to your ear.

“Consider yourself to be invited to my chambers this evening, my Lady.”

Your eyes widened as you raised them to look at his face. He had a perfect poker face on.

“Are you serious, my Lord…?” you asked.

“Absolutely,” he straightened his back and answered loud and clear. “However, the decision is up to you, dear wife. Now, excuse me, my duties are calling upon me,” he walked out of the dining room, leaving you with a grin on your face.

“Lady (Y/N)...?” Paul’s voice made you come back to reality.

“Yes, dear?”

“I was thinking…” he muttered while playing with his food. “Would you help me with learning history this afternoon? I find some subjects quite difficult to memorize and I’d use assistance… Only if you want to, of course.”

“I want to, Paul, and I’d be delighted to help you,” you answered with a kind smile.

Perhaps you were about to find a home on Caladan.

MASTERLIST

[m-jelly]

Hi Jelly! I loved the fic "Forgiveness is hard", it's heartbreaking yet I liked the fact that they found each other again. May I request for a spin-off and a sequel in one by it? Which how did Levi mourned and grieved all those years when he thought the reader was dead? Like visiting her false grave with only her arm buried down in it? Reminiscing their memories alone, crying days and nights whenever he thinks his last treatment of her? And sequel when they were finally have their own family but sometimes reader is distant because of bad memories and Levi would reassure her that he would not hurt her again. Hope it's not too much to ask for this and thank you Jelly, xoxo 💙

Sure! I'll put both in here. The spin-off of Levi in the time he thinks you're dead, as well as the sequel. I'll split them as well so you can see the two.

Forgiveness is hard. Spin-off and Sequel.

Pairing: Levi x Reader

Concept 1: Spin-off = What went on for Levi during the years that Levi thought you were dead. He visits your grave and is plagued by your hurt face and his wicked words.

Concept 2: Sequel = The war is over, you and Levi are married with kids. You're living a happy life with him, but you sometimes get nightmares and bad memories coming back from the past. Levi reassures you that his love is strong and he'd never hurt you again.

This story contains post-war Levi in, so spoilers.

Spin-off

Levi walked with his squad and friends as they moved the coffins of fallen soldiers. He had a lot of loss this time, a lot of dead people he cared for, but the one that hurt the most was you. He only had an arm and your ring. He clutched his necklace with your ring on.

He stood at the side of your grave and watched them lower your coffin down into the grave. He welled up and clenched up, then dove for you but Hange held him back. He tried to pull from her grip, but she held on and wouldn't let him jump into the grave.

Levi dropped to his knees as they threw dirt on your grace to bury you. "Stop! Stop it! Don't bury her! She'll be cold and dirty if you do."

Hange placed her hand on Levi's shoulder and spoke to the gravedigger. "Keep going. He hasn't expected his loss yet."

Levi doubled over and shook. "She'll be so cold and lonely."

Hange knelt next to Levi. "She won't be lonely if you visit her every day."

Levi nodded. "Yeah, every day." He stared at your grave. "Could you leave us alone?"

"Yes."

He gazed at your name on the headstone and felt his heart breaking. He cried your name, then put his head in his hands. He stayed by you until Hange collected him after a few hours. When Levi got back to the base, he had to face his room and all the things said there.

'So, you’re telling me I’ve been fucking a disgusting piece of shit titan all this time?'

He winced at his words as they echoed in the room and his mind.

'You disgust me! You are your people.'

Levi couldn't go a day without hearing something in his head about the things he's said to you. He hated himself for how he treated you. He wish he did better. He wished he would have just listened to you.

'Why would I want anything to do with Titan scum like you? Just touching you I’d have to scrub my body raw to get rid of the filth that comes off you.'

He couldn't sleep without remembering your broken and hurt expression. His head would make up scenes of how you faced your end, what you were thinking, things you might have said. His heart ached.

'Titans don’t have hearts! You couldn’t possibly love anyone or anything. You’re a disgusting beast that just takes from everyone and everything around you!'

He would sit in his office and see you around the room. He'd remember how you'd bring him tea, you'd give him random hugs and kisses. He remembered how he had you bent over his desk moaning his name. He'd go for walks and felt you walking right next to him. He'd look ahead and see you sprint, then twirl around and talk to you with a smile on your face.

Levi's visions became almost real that he reached out for you once, but you disappeared. He sat at his desk working one day and swore he heard your laugh in the hall. He threw his door open and made two scouts jump. He apologised and returned to his desk.

He sat there a little longer and heard movement in his bedroom. He perked up at hearing your sweet voice saying his name. He followed the voice and opened the bedroom to find it cold, dark and lonely. He searched for you and found an old jumper of yours. He picked it up, then pressed his face into it and felt his tears well up.

He sobbed your name. "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

Sequel

You walked out of the house with a tray with drinks and snacks, as well as medication. You smiled at your son and daughter running around together, then at Levi in his wheelchair with your baby girl on his lap. Isabel, Furlan and Hange were so precious and you named them to honour those you'd lost. Your intention with Levi was to have Erwin, Kuchel and a Mike.

You placed the tray down on the table next to Levi. "Here's your meds honey."

Levi smiled at you. "Thank you."

You leaned down and kissed Levi, then you kissed your baby Hange's head making her hum. "Love you both."

"We love you too."

You crouched and massaged his knee as your baby girl patted your face with her hands. "How's your knee now?"

He smiled at you. "Better. I think by tonight I'll be running around with the kids."

You leaned up and kissed him. "I told you to slow down this morning and last night."

Levi blushed. "I love my wife, okay?"

You giggled, then attacked your daughter's face with loving kisses making her squeal with laughter. "Little monster." You got up, then walked over to your two older kids. "Slow down your two." You loved how much energy your three-year-old and five-year-old had. You handed them their drinks and snacks. "What are you two playing anyway?"

Your eldest Furlan smiled. "Titans and scouts! Daddy told us all about what he did."

Isabel nodded. "Titans bad! Titans yucky! Titans must be stopped!"

You clutched your fist in front of your chest as all your bad memories came flooding in. You shook a little and welled up as Levi's horrible words came back to you. "Th-that so? W-Well, be careful. Excuse me a moment."

Isabel ran after you. "Mummy?"

Furlan whined and grabbed the back of your dress. "Mummy?"

You knelt and hugged them both. "I love you both. Mummy just needs to go inside."

They both watched you go inside and missed you. Your kids were very much glued to your hip and loved you strongly like Levi loved you. You were everything to them and Levi, so they knew something wasn't right.

Furlan held his sister's hand, then ran over to Levi. "Daddy? Mummy is sad!"

Levi lifted up Hange, then lay her in her little bed. "Look after your sister for me. I'll go check on your mummy. Stay by Hange and do not leave her side, got it?"

Isabel nodded. "Promise daddy."

Levi limped inside the house, then to the bedroom to see you sat on the floor with your head in your hands having a panic attack. He called your name softly, then stopped next to you. He sighed, then sat down at your side. "I might not be able to get up after this."

You sniffed back tears and giggled. "You're right."

He took your hand in his that had two fingers missing. "What happened?"

You sighed. "The kids said they were playing scouts and titans. They said titans were bad, yucky and must be stopped. It brought back a lot of bad memories."

Levi turned your left hand over and stared at your wedding and engagement ring. He frowned a little as memories of seeing it sticking out from under a boulder came to mind. "I'm the cause of the bad memories. I was such a fucking asshole to you." He locked eyes with you. "I'm so sorry." He squeezed your hand, then turned his head and tapped it against your shoulder. "I'm so deeply and truly sorry that I caused you so much pain. I promise you that I will never do that again. I am with you for life. I love you beyond words. I lost you once, I can't ever lose you again." He lifted his head and locked eyes with you. "I love you."

You smiled at Levi, then kissed him. "I know Levi. I know you'll always be there for me. I love you deeply and passionately. I'm happily married to you and our children are so precious."

Levi wrapped his arms arm you and dragged you to sit between his legs. "I adore you and I'll never ever let you go."

You snuggled against his chest and smiled. "Good, because I don't ever want to part from you again." You smiled a little and bopped Levi's bose with a finger on your left hand. "Does my left-hand freak you out sometimes?"

He nodded. "Sometimes. I'm glad you're all better. I'm glad you're in my arms."

You kissed his neck, then looked over to the door as it opened and Isabel ran in with Furlan behind holding his baby sister. "Intruders."

Levi looked at his kids. "We've been found."

Isabel hugged you. "Mummy okay?"

You nodded. "All better." You opened your arms. "Furlan, pass me your little sister. She's got to be heavy."

Furlan smiled and handed over his baby sister. "Love you, mummy."

You pulled him close with one arm and cuddled him. "I love you too. I love all of you."

Levi kissed the top of your head. "You're all precious and perfect to me." He sighed. "This is going to be a nightmare to get up."

Isabel giggled. "Daddy stuck."

He ruffled her hair. "I am for now, but when I get up I'm going to chase you down and tickle you all."

She squealed and laughed. "Daddyyy."

Furlan laughed and hugged Levi's arm. "Silly daddy."

Levi smiled. "I'm very silly."

[unohanadaydreams]

How would the captains react to catching their partner cheating on them? I’m feeling angst tonight

Finally some good fucking food. Angst; it’s what’s for dinner and I’m chowing down with you, anon.

Features: angst. Some violence and torture with Gin and Mayuri.

How The Original Captains React To Being Cheated On:

Genryusai Yamamoto:

There’s little to no reaction. You wouldn’t be the first and won’t be the last to use him for status or money or petty bragging rights. Just another day.

Quietly, behind closed doors, he does mourn. Not for the loss of you, but for the prospect of starting again. He caresses the pretty things he’s bought you, each touch a vote for or against bothering.

If you come to him, apologetic and willing to repent, he’ll look past the transgression. Less work for him to undertake, in the end, and the power of demanding this is that in the name of forgiveness suits him.

Shunsui Kyoraku:

He can’t help but laugh. All those years chasing girls and washing his hands of the consequences come to catch him now that he’s standing still with just one hand holding his.

Business goes on as usual, but he’s sloppier around the edges—spilling sake on paper work, falling asleep against Jushiro’s grave, and forsaking the frequent partying he’s known for in lieu of furiously scribbling down the perfect love story he didn’t get.

Honestly, he’s willing to forgive if it wasn’t done out of love for the other person and there’s a willingness to work on the relationship. Shunsui has played the unfaithful lover more times than he can remember; being black out drunk more often than sober will do that to you.

Soi Fon:

She can’t speak and doesn’t bother. Throat closed with anger, she lets her body tell you where your relationship lies—thrown off the bed and kicked outside.

There’s nothing but hatred for you and humiliation for herself. Not just personally, but professionally; a leader of the 2nd division being caught unawares is irony at the cost of her reputation.

People are always leaving her behind once she trusts them. After weeks, she’ll ask you why. Because that’s always the question burning in her chest. Why can’t she be a person someone stays for.

Gin Ichimaru:

Cute, how you think you can shuffle off and away from him after getting caught. He doesn’t flinch, talking with conversational tones. Hey, sweetie, who’s your little friend? Aww, they don’t talk or some thin’?

There’s two options; submit to grueling public humiliation or die. Gin loves to have fun, after all. And, isn’t it fun having to watch the person you cheated with get toyed with like a mouse under kitty claws? Aren’t you having fun kissing the corpse? Wasn’t your silly mistake worth it?

Gin has never forgiven, forgotten, or turned down an opportunity to make someone who cares about him regret feeling so. Your life is hell and the jailor can’t decide whether to keep your head under boiling water or kill you. Fun!

Retsu Unohana:

The impulse to leave as the only one alive is temptation incarnate. She is firm, restrained, and digs into her cheeks until her teeth pop through.

She keeps waiting to calm, for the situation to become objective instead of the turmoil in her gut. Retsu is especially brusque with everyone while working, making every stitch job a painful one. Why is there always something. Why can’t all the change finally stick; why is she still glad to feel the pain so she can inflict it back?

The betrayal was the end and there’s years of coping methods that keep you from spilling your guts on a sword, but it feels like a very near thing to her. Professionally, she’s less kind, and your next set of wounds healed by the 4th get infected. Poor thing.

Sosuke Aizen:

As far as you know, he’s stricken with heartbreak and disappointment. His voice is a touch too loud when telling you off—others hear. And disapprove greatly. He asks any bystanders for their discretion towards his privacy, adding a tear or two for effect.

Your relationship being over matters little; dime a dozen are the people who’ll fall over themselves to be his. The audacity of treating him, your better, with such unfairness? Affects him like an itch under skin.

Of course, he forgives you. He makes a show of it and the number of people out for your unhappiness grows. How could you cheat on such a gracious, loving man? You are punished with little action from himself, the many shinigami who view him with starry-eyes doing their work without needing explicit instruction.

Byakuya Kuchiki:

There’s little to say or do outside of making it clear he wants you gone in a permanent way. Reaction is the thief of dignity, so he saves any emotion for when he’s alone.

Self flagellation is his favorite dessert and he is convinced the bitter taste reflects his character somehow. In a way, it speaks to his lack of care and dignity as a clan leader; what fully aware man could let this happen?

For you, there aren’t any chances let alone forgiveness. You’ve stung his pride in multiple ways and only social norms keep you from dying in a duel over it. But as a shinigami—as a captain—he has avenues to vent his vindication until he feels the crime has been payed for. Too bad for you that pride is worth it’s weight in gold for a Kuchiki.

Sajin Komamura:

He runs away from the situation as soon as possible. Of course you cheated on him; how foolish to think anyone would not. At least he knows now and can get back to his normal.

Being alone isn’t all bad. There’s more time for his pets, his company, and his training. Comforting, familiar, he can pretend this is how it always was. Just him, alone.

His lack of self-esteem outweighs his want for justice. It was unfair to subject anyone to…himself, anyway. He can’t blame you for wanting someone untouched by the curse of the beast.

Kaname Tosen:

There’s more anger than even you expect. Injustice in anything, especially something so personal, enrages him. But he has the self control and sense to only send you packing.

Still, it’s all he can think about. Better to be consumed by this than the glacial pace his better world is taking. You’re one of the people holding that goal back, he’s sure. He insists on a talk that’s really just a long, painful lecture.

People like you, who disregard what’s right, don’t deserve forgiveness and the upset within him darkens. Maybe there is a way you can make things right. They’re so close to perfecting the Arrancar and he’d like to see how you’ve contributed once his eyes open, finally able to see.

Toshiro Hitsugaya:

There aren’t any dramatics or punishments or even words to give you other than ‘goodbye’. He sees the break and he cuts it cleanly. There’s no need for anything else.

Largely he copes by doing what he always does—working, training, meditating. There are a few sips of alcohol and punches to his pillow, but you’re no longer someone he cares about. The ice has holed over the spot you took just fine.

You don’t exist to him anymore. If you try to apologize, his eyes will pass over you and he’ll remind you once before ignoring you again: He’s a captain and he’s closed the conversation and now he’s getting back to work. Goodbye.

Kenpachi Zaraki:

So you’re fucking somebody. Is that a big deal or something? Should he be hurt? Because all he can muster is annoyance.

And then he thinks about it. He lets it sink in that somebody was touching you while you’re his. Kenpachi understands the want to play, but isn’t love when someone is the best in your heart and only them? Like, strength but more fucking confusing.

He’s still undecided if there’s anything to forgive. He tells you to give it another go with him in the mix and likes the feeling better than walking in uninvited. So maybe it was just play…and maybe he’s more rough with you two than intended. But he leaves more content than he came, so he figures everything’s fine. He can always kill somebody later, once he’s figured it out for good.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi:

You’re knocked unconscious and so is the person you were in bed with. That’s the last you see of them or the world beyond one lab room.

Congratulations, you are now confined to a pill that is swallowed by gigai after gigai designed in your likeness. Isn’t he generous, letting you take part in his research still? Don’t you feel honored to still feel any part of his touch as he takes you apart somehow more painfully than the time before?

Because it is just research. He didn’t care about you enough to still feel enraged about it. This is purely out of principle, a logical response to your base actions. Don’t worry, it’s just forever.

Jushiro Ukitake:

The discovery is emotional and he struggles keep his dignity, especially when a coughing fit starts soon after. He can’t even tell you off without sickness leaking into the moment.

The spiral begins. You’re awful one moment and justified the next. He’s the victim, then the one who should’ve known. There was no good reason and then he coughs again and there’s one.

He could forgive you if you’re genuine and forthright with a reason that isn’t the weight which holds him under blankets or pushes blood past his lips. As long as the illness isn’t what poisoned the relationship, he could forgive you.

[ghostofskywalker]

Kiss Me, I Hate You - 4

Rick Flag/Fem!Reader

Words: 2,892

Fic Summary: If this mission was as important as Waller said it was, they made a huge mistake when selecting operatives. It was bad enough you had to play housewife in a cookie cutter suburb, but the fact that you had to pretend to be madly in love with someone who hates you is just insult to injury.

Series Masterlist 

Flag had thankfully kept to his side of the bed at night for the past few days, ever since the argument that had been cut short by Patty’s visit and invitation to dinner. The peace you had so genuinely hoped for when you started this mission was gone, and you got to enjoy less than a week of being civil with the man you’ve hated from the minute you met. You didn’t know why you expected anything different, and anyone could have seen this coming, but there was still a part of you that mourned for the loss of this budding friendship.

But this morning, you weren’t so lucky when it came to the way in which you and him were laying. He must have rolled over in his sleep, because like the first night you spent here, he was spooning you, but this time his grip was much tighter, like he was holding on for dear life. His grasp was comforting, as much as it pained you to admit it. It had been a long time since you had been held tightly like this, and your body reacted by moving towards him, not away. You thanked your lucky stars that Flag was still asleep, because you might have died from embarrassment if he had witnessed the position the two of you were in (even though, technically, this was all his fault).

Eventually you tried to squirm out of his arms, but it didn’t work. And it definitely didn’t help when he mumbled something in his sleep (that sounded a lot like “come here darling”) and then pulled you closer to him. Eventually, you realized that resistance was futile, and your still tired body pulled you back to sleep. You would deal with this issue later.

The next time you open your eyes, the bed is empty. The weight of his arm holding you was gone, and you didn’t want to admit to yourself that you missed it. You rolled over and looked at the crinkled sheets, evidence that you hadn’t actually dreamed what happened last night, and you tentatively touched the mattress. The bed was cold, which meant that it had been empty for quite some time. You looked over at the clock: quarter to ten. Flag was long gone by now, off to the base for the day, and he wouldn’t be back until the evening. It was both a blessing and a curse, because you could avoid the awkwardness for a little while, but it also meant that a conversation with Flag was unavoidable in the evening. You had hoped that you might be able to skip any kind of explanation if you two ran into each other still half asleep (even though, it was once again his fault for the way that you two ended up). Oh well, you thought as you sat up in bed. Guess dinner arguments are our thing now anyways.

The day passed by like molasses, and it got to the point where you seriously wondered if the clock in the house had stopped working or not. Minutes felt like hours, and you couldn’t stop thinking about Flag, and the state of your professional relationship at this point. The two of you had gotten so close to being friends, but it had all gone out the window the second he started avoiding you, and then he continued to dodge your questions when you asked about it. It made you feel like he didn’t trust you, a fear that had obviously come to pass, because now you were right back where you started, and you hated it.

Just for a moment, you thought that maybe you and Flag could get past all the bad blood between you, but apparently that wasn’t the case. The worst part was the fact that you didn’t even know why he was avoiding you in the first place, because you didn’t do anything wrong. You barely spent any time together, not since he started leaving during the day to keep up the cover. Even when you were being civil with each other, the only time you really spoke to him was dinner, and you had started taking turns cooking. After that, you both just did your own thing until it was time to go to bed, and you never went to bed at the same time. Now, it just felt like a wall had been put up between you and him, but you had missed the reason for its construction.

There was a note on the counter in your handwriting, and your heart dropped as you remembered what was on it. It held the date and time of the dinner you had to agree to at Patty’s house, even though you would rather saw off your own arm than have dinner with your neighbors. You already had enough trouble wondering whether or not the people who lived on this street were buying your cover, you definitely did not want to have to spend an entire evening in close proximity to them, worrying about their perception of you and Rick. You made a decision that when he got home tonight, you would sit him down and you would figure out how to sell your lie during that dinner party, no matter what he said.

You practically jumped up from the couch when you heard the front door open that evening, and you bolted to the hallway to catch Rick before he disappeared into the hallway. Lately, he had been showering and then locking himself in the study until you went to bed, where he would then eat dinner (you guessed, because when else could he have done it?) and then went to bed himself, with you already fast asleep.

“We need to talk,” you said, stepping in front of the bedroom door before he could get to the doorknob.

“Can’t it wait? Some of us didn’t get to lay around all day.”

It took all your energy not to hit him for that comment, but you kept your cool. “No, this needs to be sorted out now. I shouldn’t have to ambush you in order to have a conversation, because like it or not, we still have a job to do here.”

He sighed in response, but followed you out to the kitchen table. After sitting down, silence fell over the room. “Is this about that dinner with the neighbors?” Rick finally asked.

“Yes it is,” you said, nodding. “I don’t think you understand just how important this moment is to keeping our cover intact. If we blow this, we can kiss any chance we had of succeeding on whatever this mission is goodbye forever. And the way we’re acting around each other right now is just not going to cut it, so we have to figure something out before it’s too late.”

“I wasn’t born yesterday, I can see how important this is,” he said. “And don’t worry, I won’t start an argument in front of half the neighborhood if that’s what you’re worried about.”

You huffed. “I don’t think you really understand the gravity of the situation. At this party, we’re not just the neighbors across the street, we have to get personal with these people, and we have to have the same story. There was one laid out for us in the file, but you threw that out the window when you decided to use our real first names.”

“Why can’t we just use the backstory in the file?”

You raised your eyebrows at him. “Have you even read the file?” Silence. “That’s what I thought.”

“You know the file back to front, correct?”

“Yeah, but you don’t. This couple thing goes both ways, as much as you probably wish it didn’t.”

“So, the dinner party is in three days. That’s more than enough time to learn a fake backstory.”

You sighed, because you were tired of arguing with him. “Fine,” you said. “But if our cover gets blown because you didn’t know when my birthday was, I’ll kill you.”

***

You had only been here for an hour, and you were already thinking about excuses you could make to go home. It didn’t help that you had to be affectionate with Flag either, and even though no punches had been thrown between you for the last few days, it didn’t mean you had completely patched things up with him. When you arrived at Patty’s house, Rick had put his arm on the small of your back as you walked in, and you would never admit it, but you were grateful for the gesture of comfort.

One thing you had not been doing so far on this mission was getting around to meet all the different people that lived in the neighborhood, but you didn’t really have to worry about that, because you were immediately whisked away to meet everyone. After a while, you had lost count of how many other couples you had met, and where each of them lived. When you finally got a moment to step away, Flag followed you. “Do you think it’s too early to say we have to go home?” he whispered.

“I desperately wish it wasn’t, but I think we’re stuck here a little longer,” you whispered back.

He was about to respond, but Patty was making her way towards you two. As she approached you, Rick took a step away, turning back to ask you if you wanted anything to drink. You told him what you wanted, and watched as he left you, all while Patty was watching you intently. “Are you okay?” she asked, completely catching you off guard.

You furrowed your brow, wondering why she would ask that. Despite the weird way you and Flag had been interacting at home, none of it had shown in the way you were interacting here. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

“Just checking up on you,” she said. “You look tired, is moving still taking a toll on you? I know I don’t think I slept for a month after we first moved here.”

“Yeah, I think I’m still getting used to everything,” you said. It wasn’t a lie. Learning to live with another person when you haven’t really had any serious romantic relationships were already a huge adjustment, but the fact that you were living with someone who you hated from the moment you met was an even bigger one.

“At least you’ve got a great partner by your side,” Patty said, and you nodded. To her, you two had your feet firmly planted in the honeymoon stage of your relationship, something that couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Yeah,” you said. “I don’t know where I would be without him.” Actually, you did know: you would be alone in your apartment, watching reruns of old TV shows and drinking a glass of wine, something that you wished you were doing right now instead of whatever this was.

“That’s sweet. You two make a lovely couple.”

“Thank you,” you said, right as Flag was walking back over to you, a beer in one hand and a bottle of some kind of pink liquid in the other. He held out the latter to you and you accepted it, despite the fact that this was definitely not what you asked for.  

“You know, you two can be more affectionate!” Patty said. “You don’t have to reel it in on our account.”

Her comment completely threw you off guard, and it took everything you had not to stutter out an answer. It took a moment for you to think about what to say. “Oh it’s okay, we’re not really a PDA type of couple anyway.”

Patty didn’t look convinced, but she let the topic go, mostly because she was called over by someone else. When she was out of earshot, you turned back to Flag and held up the drink he had brought you. “What’s this?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, one of the other women here told me to bring one to you and I couldn’t think of an excuse before she shoved it in my hand.”

“Alright,” you said. “But if this turns out to be terrible or I die, I’m blaming you.”

He put his hands up and laughed quietly. “I think that’s fair enough.”

You popped the top off the bottle and took a sip. It was sweet, you couldn’t deny that, and you could barely taste the alcohol that the bottle claimed it had, but overall it wasn’t the worst thing you’ve ever drank.

For the rest of the evening, you flitted around, making small talk with the other neighbors and introducing yourselves to people you didn’t know. You told the “story” of how you and Rick met more times than you could count, and so far, your cover was convincing. Rick didn’t leave your side for the rest of the night, and his hand could often be found resting on the small of your back. It was a subtle gesture, but it was a gesture nonetheless. Part of you actually didn’t want to leave, because no matter how terrible this party was, it was nice to be civil with Flag, and not have to worry that the two of you would get into an argument at any second. Patty kept reminding you both that you were allowed to kiss, but you kept to your story about not being interested in public affection. You hoped she was buying it.

But she didn’t have to rely on your word for it after a while, because Flag took matters into his own hands. You had been standing outside with a few of the other neighbors, answering questions that were just thinly veiled attempts to see if there was anything unusual about you or your relationship, and so far you were doing well. You barely even registered that Rick had walked over to you until he took your hand, turning you so that you were facing him, and leaned down to place a passionate kiss on your lips. It took a second for you to respond, but you knew that this was for the sake of the mission, and you had to go along with it. His arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer to him, and you could just faintly hear the sounds of claps and whistles in the background, no doubt from your neighbors.

When you broke apart, you couldn’t help the look of bliss that crossed your face. No matter how much you disliked the man, he was an excellent kisser, and you felt like you needed a cool drink after a single moment. “Sorry about that,” Flag said to the neighbors, and you wondered what he was trying to do with all this. “But I think it’s time that Y/N and I go home for the evening.”

The dirty mind of a suburban housewife should never be underestimated, and all the women watching you two just nodded, thoughts obviously churning in their minds about what you and Flag were about to do. As much as it pained you to admit it, this was a genius move on his part. Not only does it reinforce the cover you had been forced to defend all evening, but it got you out of this ridiculous party. You allowed Flag to take your hand and walk with you all the way back to the house you were staying in, neither of you saying a word to each other. How could you, after what had just happened at the party?

Your mind was racing as you walked into the house, and you wondered if he was going to address the kiss, or if he wanted to leave it completely in the past. But you got a pretty clear answer about what he intended to do after the front door closed behind you. He immediately walked in the direction of the bedroom and closed the door behind him. It was only half past eight in the evening, nowhere near the time either of you two usually went to bed, so you took that as a sign that he didn’t want to talk about it.

You settled on the couch with a cup of tea, and it wasn’t until close to midnight that you actually took a chance and gingerly opened the door to the bedroom, where Flag was fast asleep. After changing into your pajamas and laying down beside him, your eyes drooped but you couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss. It felt like a crime to say that you enjoyed it, even though he had made it explicitly clear that he didn’t want to remember it.

After what felt like hours of being unable to sleep with him next to you, you decided to just stay on the couch for the rest of the night. You left all the blankets on the bed and just took your pillow, grabbing another blanket from the linen closet on your way out to the living room. You would take the (unlikely) chance of a surprise visitor, because otherwise you didn’t think you would get any sleep. As your body finally gave into its fatigue, you couldn’t help but think about the kiss once again, and how much it hurt to say you enjoyed it.

- end of part four -