#and my answer is legit just 'i wrote out my trauma and it happened to work with kate's' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

foreveralwaysanauthor · 8 months

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Melaka Mystica Deleted Scenes

I know I said I would take a break, and believe me, I have, but I wanted to post these before the desire to write something else came into my head. Now that this has been posted, however, I'm going to go play some Detroit Become Human and try like hell to not start writing out ideas for that as an AU lmao!

Deleted scenes:

Unlike many of my previous AUs, there aren’t a lot of scenes that didn’t make the cut as I followed my original plotlines pretty closely, but there are a few that I mentioned offhandedly that were never fully explained or fleshed out, so I figured I would post segments of my original scribblings just to show where my head was when I wrote certain lines.

(Part 1) This is a little explanation I wrote for myself when I started figuring out the plot so that everything flowed together well and it would feel like time had passed, but not a ton. I wanted it to feel like the genuine passage of time, but I only brought some of these to fruition and I’m pretty sure you can tell which ones!

"The kids have been practicing magic under the watchful eyes of Mick, Miles, and Carrie, who, despite not possessing magic, have worked in the magic shop for long enough to know the basics. The kids have sworn only to use their magic for good, and while they try to help everyone, it’s not always easy. Royce has spent most of his allowance on spell books - most of which don’t work as they aren’t legitimate spell books - and has gone a bit overboard trying to figure out every aspect of their powers. Kona has been practically glued to Bentley, pestering him about why he and the others have been acting strangely, but he refuses to tell her anything until they’re all on board for telling her. Vivien has tried everything in her power to give Mick some semblance of magic and heal her magical ties, but nothing seems to work."

So, yeah, I ended up only mentioning a few of them, but this is a little background to give off some more information on what’s happened since the last story.

(Part 2) Initially, Mick’s bond with everyone - especially the kids and particularly Vivien - hadn’t been affected at all. My original idea was that everything had just returned to normal and that everything was fine. The only time the whole possession thing would have bothered her would have been when the kids chose to give up their magic, making her freak out for seemingly no reason as, until that point, she hadn’t said much of anything about it. However, I realized that it made no sense and, if this had been a legit scenario, I would have wanted to seclude myself for a while in order to protect the people I loved in case something like that were to happen again. In the long run, I changed things around and made it feel like she had taken a lot from it - trauma especially.

(Part 2) Kona’s magical realization would have been a lot more fleshed out if I had followed my original ideas. It was supposed to have a full scene on its own, but I’ll let you read the bit I had written before I explain myself.

"Not long before Serena knocks at the door, Kona comes in, pressing them for answers as they haven't been answering their phones. They push her away because they don’t want her to get hurt if Serena comes, but she’s adamant. Ultimately, she storms off but runs into Dorothea, who sits her down, and they talk for a while, getting to the root of the issue and revealing Kona has abilities as well as she nearly sets the kitchen table on fire when she thumps her fist against it."

Now, if you’re anything like my niece who sort of told me off for getting rid of this, I bet you’re sort of wishing I had stuck it out and written this, but I have a few reasons as to why I hadn’t. First of all, I realized as I was writing that, if I were to break up the tension of Serena’s visit any more than I already had with Kona showing up, it would have brought more focus to Kona and less on the stress of Serena’s entire ending scene. It would have made it less impactful as your attention - or mine, at the very least lmao - would have been more focused on Kona’s abilities and how they suddenly came about. It would have been a jarring shift to go from this scene of Kona finding out she has magic, to Serena and the group’s plan to stop her. Second, I wanted Kona’s entrance in the third chapter to be subtle, yet mildly surprising. I didn’t want to go in-depth on her magic or explain her family’s magical history when the story didn’t need it. Still, I wanted her showing up in the woods to link back to her having a conversation with Mrs. Murphy where she, ultimately, discovered her magic in the first place. And, finally, I also cut this out because I was already a lot further along than I thought I would be and I sort of wanted to just get through Serena’s part and call it at that. However, the facts still stand, and I don’t really regret taking this part out as I feel it all worked out in the end.

(Part 3) Now, this is the part that I think I changed the most, but the first thing that comes to mind is this segment:

"After they ask some questions, Mrs. Murphy explains that, during an eclipse, the power transfer is most powerful and will give the vessel - sometimes a magic-less human - powers of their own as they permanently drain the powers from the witches."

While not a lot has changed there, I’m sure the word “permanently” caught your eye. Yes, the transfer thing was going to be permanent, and in a way, I wonder what it would have been like if I had kept it this way. It would have killed me to write, but it would have hit everyone - me included - really hard. The three kids who had only had magic for two weeks, sacrificed all of it to save someone who wasn’t even truly a friend to them… I mean, wow, it would have really hurt and it would have been painful for the older group as well, as they knew they now had the kids’ magic with no way of returning it to its rightful owners. I kept going back and forth as to whether it was a goodidea to keep the kids as mages, but in the long run, what’s done is done… right?

(Part 3) Directly following the last part, we have this:

"With that knowledge, we jump to them sitting around in Miles’ room, coming up with a plan. Vivien decides that Carrie, Miles, and Mick will keep crystals with them for protection - Malachite for protection from toxic energy, Smithsonite for bringing them back down to reality and granting the clarity they need to make tough decisions, and white Moonstone for full moon power."

As you can probably tell, I took this section and moved it to the second part as it felt more realistic that Vivien would have them take crystals from the shop. It also gave that sliver of friendship between Vivien and Mick, hinting that both of them want things to go back to how they were. Having it here sort of left things between them feeling flat and unnecessarily stiff whereas it felt more genuine putting it in an earlier section.

(Part 3) Something I don’t have any notes for, but remember writing down, was the idea of Serena taking Kona hostage after the scene in the woods goes south. I got rid of it early on as I felt Kona wouldn’t stand for that kind of thing and would be the most obnoxious hostage ever, pushing Serena to dispose of her when she’s driven her too far up the wall. Kona would be the biggest pain in the ass if she were ever kidnapped, and I love her for that.

(Part 3) When I started writing out the fight scene in the commons, a lot changed, but here is where I think things changed the most:

"As Serena makes her appearance, Kona turns herself invisible and begins taunting her, using her newfound abilities to keep the redhead at bay. It works for a while, but as the transfer nears completion, Serena gets desperate and sends a burst of magic around, knocking Kona to the ground. Royce opens his eyes as he hears the fight ending and looks at Carrie with wide eyes before telling her, “Behind you!” Unified by magic, the older trio turns their magic on Serena and, as the transfer completes, they lift into the sky and begin to fight her. In the middle of the fight, Miles sees the kids still stunned by their new abilities and gets Viv’s attention, telling her to get them out of there. Weakened, the young trio find Kona, stumble down the street to the safety of the nearby cemetery (Howard Street Cemetery), and surround themselves with heavy salt rings before collapsing in exhaustion."

Now, there are several parts of this that I broke off and worked on differently - Kona getting knocked out, Miles joining the fight immediately instead of checking on the kids, and the kids going to the cemetery instead of the Murphy family’s home. Kona getting knocked out changed when I realized that she could still work with the others as a distraction, a rune-maker, and someone who could help complete the circle for the exorcism/draining scene. She became more of a foreground character for that, and I like how it panned out. My decision to change Miles’ reaction to the kids was an easy one as I highly doubt he would have just up and left them to fight - he loves them far too much to do that. As for the cemetery thing, it was mainly going to be a callback to the Hocus Pocus movie, but I realized it would be much easier for them to run from the commons entrance to the already salt-protected house on Forrester Street than it would be for them to cross one of the busiest streets in Salem to get to a cemetery for the sake of hallowed ground.

(Part 3) Finally, the last thing I changed here was, well, this:

"When the kids awaken in the morning, they find themselves on air mattresses on the Murphy family’s living room floor. Serena, while grateful to finally have her mind back in order and no longer be possessed, is quick to leave, heading home after making sure to thank everyone for helping her and telling the others that she’d see them at school."

While I loved the idea of Serena knowing she had been possessed and admitting to it, my mom brought up the idea of her keeping it to herself as she didn’t want to sound like she’d lost her mind, and, honestly, I loved that even more. It is entirely up to you to decide whether or not she remembers everything as I made her brush it off as a bad dream and get kind of snippy and evasive over it, but that just felt like something Serena would do. It felt more like her to keep it inside for her own sake rather than admit she needed help and got it from the people she had abandoned for “greener pastures” with the popular squad. It would probably make her think a lot about whether or not she could actually consider the people she now kept close, “friends.” Also, just the idea of her having this internal, existential crisis over being possessed and everything she experienced while trapped inside her mind just made me laugh.

Actual scenes that were inspired by movies/shows (spoilers, just in case):

Something about Vivien’s interaction with Carrie in the first part was inspired by George Weasley in this scene.

The part in the woods where they’re trying to drain Serena is inspired by this scene from WandaVision.

This scene from Avengers: Infinity War was what drove me to write the interactions in the commons the way I did. Initially, the transfer would have gone almost exactly like this, with everything falling apart around them and the older group having to fight while everything else was going on. It changed a bit, but I was very close to keeping things identical to this. I guess you could say I wanted them to suffer.

Again, I take a scene from WandaVision to show what I originally wanted the fight to end with. This would have been very different, obviously, but it would have caused a chain reaction that I wasn’t prepared for in the slightest, and I just didn’t go with it in the long run. (Kona would have taken on Wanda/Scarlet Witch’s lines and everything while Serena was Agatha Harkness)

Everyone's powers explained:

I know I went over it a little, but I wanted to sort of explain them a bit. The primary ones - Royce, Bentley, and Vivien - are the easiest to explain as they are the moon, sun, and stars respectively. Like in Magicae Maxima, their powers correspond with a color and, again, they are blue, yellow, and purple respectively. However, for the others, I figured I would explain a bit more as I didn’t go into it much in the story.

For starters, I always sort of imagined Kona as a comet - fiery and ready to blaze a trail, but still connected to the cosmos like the other kids. Her colors are a combination of pink and blue, the colors flowing from one to the other like a lava lamp as the heat comes and goes. The easiest to explain are Carrie, Mick, and Miles, who are fire, water, and lightning. Their magic sort of corresponds to the kids’ powers as well, just not the ones they took from. Carrie’s magic reminds me of the solar flares that arc off the sun, tying her abilities to Bentley. Miles’ lightning is quick and hot, like Vivien’s shooting stars, not to mention it flickers purple from time to time. Then, there’s Mick’s water-based magic, which is a direct representation of Royce’s moon abilities. The moon has a gravitational pull that affects the tide, linking her magic to his. As physical representations of the earth, the older trio have a direct link to each of the kids and their respective abilities, showing that the remnants of magic that remain in them after everything is done with the transfer, still have a connection to their origins.

As for the ones I touched on the least, Dorothea, Brady, and Tommy. As I already stated, Brady is a phoenix, Dorothea is a pegasus, and Tommy is a Cetus or a sea dragon. Again, their magic corresponds with the others, but their magic is different. As representations of mythical creatures, they have powers higher than the kids. Dorothea’s aura-reading, clairvoyance, and overall light magic give her a connection with Vivien and Miles; Brady’s heat, light, and fire generation powers give him tie-ins to Carrie, Bentley, and even Kona; and, even though we don’t see him, Tommy’s water manipulation and weather control abilities are a direct link to Royce and Mick. I sort of see this as an Avatar: The Last Airbender type of deal, where there are multiple facets of a person’s abilities, and they just have to find it in themselves to make things happen. The possibilities are endless, really; they just have to find that out for themselves.

Quotes:

(Mick)

*to Carrie or Miles, probably* "I used to think of myself one way. But, after this… I’m something else. I'm still me, I think. But... but that's not what everyone else sees."

“I know I'm here, but I still feel dead inside. I'm just- they- even the people who say they care about me- I feel like I'm just a pinned butterfly to them now. They just want to put me under a microscope and learn about all my trauma.”

"Every night, the same dream, and every morning, the same nightmare."

“You may have ruined my past, but I won’t let you ruin my future.”

“I know what I’m like… and maybe that’s the issue here.”

“It will get better - maybe not today, maybe not in a week or so, but it will get better. I promise.”

(Serena)

*upon kidnapping Kona to see what she knew* “These are runes, and in a given space, only the witch that cast the runes can use her magic. Your powers are useless here."

"You break the rules of the universe and become the hero, but when I do it, I become the enemy.” *scoff* “That doesn't seem fair, does it?"

“You’re just a pawn - another way for me to get what I want. You’re disposable, kid; get used to it.”

*after being freed* “I want to thank you guys, but at the same time, I want to scream.” *sigh* “It’s been a long night.”

“I still feel it there, in the back of my mind. It’s like a part of me is back to being whatever I was before, but there’s this part of my brain that wants nothing more than to plunge a knife into your chest… I don’t feel like a good person anymore.”

(Kona)

“I’m a bad bitch, you can’t kill me!”

*after Serena divulges her plan to her like Doofenshmirtz to Perry the Platypus* “Look, I have an attention span the size of a Goldfish cracker, and your voice is obnoxious, so I tuned you out, like, ages ago.”

“Everyone’s pretty tired of your shit, Serena, and if I had to guess, you’d probably say the same if you weren’t possessed by such a dramatic bitch of a demon.”

“Remember how you described me as a pawn? Well, this is checkmate. This is it. This is the end. I suggest you resign while you still have the choice.”

(Royce)

“When is she not a total bitch?”

“Why do I feel like we’ve just opened Pandora’s box or something?”

“It feels like there's a hole where my magic used to be. It's like its been ripped out of my chest, and now I'm just left here, bleeding out... It's too warm.”

“After everything we’ve been through… it can’t be for nothing, can it?”

(Vivien)

“You’re not evil, you’re just a little fucked up in the head still, and that’s fine. I still love you.”

“If I had a nickel for every time I’ve seen a demon possess someone this year, I’d have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, right?”

“If the demon learned how to drive in two weeks, I’m sure it could learn to parallel park if it actually gave a fuck.”

*typing in Google* “How to get a demon to teach you how to drive.” “Vivien, no!” “Well, if you won’t teach me, it will!”

(Bentley)

“How on earth did she eat the cafeteria food if she’s got dark magic in her? That stuff’s saltier than the ocean.”

“Maybe we can therapize her!” “Therapize?” “We can be her therapist.” “You want to play therapist for a literal demon?” *sigh* “I really need to start thinking things through before I say them, don’t I?”

“Can’t we just pour salt in her mouth or something?” (horrified looks from everyone in the room) “What? It’s a genuine question!”

(Misc.)

“She was your meat puppet, I just cut her strings.”

“Not my mother, you bitch!”

“The thing is, you're using words... but the thing about this world is that the only universal language is violence. And I know we've both spoken that language before.”

“You want to be the hero? Then die like one!”

“Please? For me?” “You can’t just say that. You know I’d give you the world if you asked for it.”

“You used me as a weapon. That's all I was to you. Not a friend, just a weapon for you to use and throw away when you’re sick of it. Well, guess what?! I'm choosing what I fight for now!”

Songs:

No Body, No Crime by Taylor Swift

I Know The End by Phoebe Bridgers

Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) by Nancy Sinatra

Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd

Burn The Witch by Shawn James

I know it's not a lot, and I'm very sorry I didn't have more; however, I really stuck close to my original ideas this time. I wish I had more to offer you, but I do hope that you enjoyed these little crumbs of ideas! I think, for a little while, I'm going to work on some one-shots to expand my characters' backgrounds a bit, but for now, I think I'm just going to play some games, maybe a little Minecraft or DBH, and then scroll mindlessly through Pinterest or TikTok for ideas. For now, however, I hope you have a great day and that everything is going well for you across the ocean! All the love!

#Melaka Mystica

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bisluthq · 5 months

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But I cannot for the LIFE of me understand WHAT THE FUCK was Matty's reasoning throughout all of this????//

Urgh anon I feel you, I really do😭 as maddenning as the whole thing is though I do think that the simple answer is that Matty is a drug addict (per his own words, he has straight up said it) and drug addicts tend to impulsively search for temporary highs in different forms, often without being aware that that's what they're doing. Tbf Matty has also said that he's now clean from the heroin and stuff but Taylor does sing about him buying pills and being stoned so🤷🏻‍♀️ And anyways, even if a drug addict is in recovery they're still bound to have erratic behaviours and/or withdrawal symptoms and I legit think that's a big part of why this man is the mess he is. Like he would be messy anyways but with the drugs he just stands no chance and so he ends up hurting the people around him a lot without meaning to.

I did have a phase there in 2022 where I was very into the 1975 and Matty specifically as in, I wanted to fuck him and yes that is so deeply embarrassing for my life and for my soul I know ☠️☠️ but besties we'd just come out of a global pandemic that'd nearly done me in literally like I really almost ended it all so I wasn't exactly ok and I did a bunch of messy questionable stuff that year and yes had a crush on Matty bc I was fresh out the slammer (as in the pandemic lol). When it was confirmed in May that Taylor was in fact hooking up with him I joked with Nat that she went ahead and fucked him for me💀😭 but that was all before the man outed himself as an avid enjoyer of deranged misogynistic racist porn and before he said the racist ass shit about Ice Spice. No crush of mine has ever been so quickly and effectively extinguished as that one was, the moment I knew about that he was suddenly the most disgusting and unappealing human ever to me🤷🏻‍♀️ ngl kinda wish my irl crush that I've been pining after for years would do something repulsive like that and kill the crush once and for all lol. But yeah when Nat put 2 and 2 together about Question...? there was no question (pun intended lol) between us that the song was about Matty, I'd been listening a lot to 75 songs and yeah he is the certified Sad Boi and she was the certified Good Girl back in Tatty 1.0. I think the ootw sample at the begginning of the song is making a nod to the time period when this happened, not to our boy Harold. Crazy how she was wanting explanations from Matty back then and once again does now 10 years later💀I was listening to the album again while walking home yesterday and Nat you're right I had too much faith in her lol it really does feel like she wrote this album instead of going to therapy 💀😭 it's like if she'd managed to write her way out of 2016. I do think that's ultimately a good thing though bc she carried around the wounds and trauma of 2016 for years but with this it seems like she effectively sucked the poison out of the wounds and is very determined to close the chapter and heal. I still really wish she would just go to therapy though😩 girlie can pay for the best therapist in all of the US if she wants and make them sign the most solid NDA for privacy. I legit wonder if that has been a hold up for her going to therapy, maybe she's terrified of things leaking and feels like she could never truly trust a therapist/inhibit herself enough to be able to say everything she needs to say, and so she ends up thinking that it's not worth it and instead talks to her friends and makes unhinged songs lol

”Crazy how she was wanting explanations from Matty back then and once again does now 10 years later💀” literally tho.

Also ngl I’m very grateful for your (brief but intense) crush on Matty because without it I’d never have figured out Question and then I wouldn’t be out here feeling as vindicated as I am in a post TTPD world.

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taestefully-in-luv · 2 years

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wow

i really needed a few days to think about the whole story of Love Again... and process what happened.

it was so beautiful and i really enjoyed it to the teenie tiniest bit!!

I always got so excited when i saw your updates.

whenever you posted a new chapter i told my best friend ALL about it because i fell in love at first sight!!! ahhh

The way two ex lovers meet again and fall in love with each other all over again..is just so nice! :(

and i told my bestie ALL THE TIME how much i enjoy reading it, how much i love the characters, HOW FUNNY they are, how real your writing is.. and how MUCH i love the plot.

now that it's over... i have a bitterweet feeling... because i have to understand that there won't be any more chapters.

You have an incredible way of writing.. doesnt matter if its your original and unique way to bring the characters with their super fun, loveable and relatable personalities to life, or the way you bring emotions through your way of writing and just in general...the way you use your words is so satisfying.

You're a great Autor.

i usually don't write stuff about the fanfictions i've read but i felt the need to do it here... because you really deserve to know that there are people out here who love what you did/do.

Reading it made my days so much better!

Especially at times where i knew when you're gonna post again!! my whole week just got better because of your update. It didnt matter how bad my week was, i got so happy knowing i can read a new chapter soon :')

I don't think that i can EVER show anyone how much i love "love again"

now to the characters.. the first thing that comes to my mind is "wow".

i love everyone so much.

i loved how jeremy and naomi were bickering all the time, how hobi was y/n's biggest hater and support, how COOL dae was, how amazing namjoon was even tho he got his heart broken :(( ahhh BUT EMIKO AND JOONIE <3, how Taehyung was this super cutie patootie soulmate(he always made me laugh), how lucy evolved at the end, how jungkook was this really cool and fun (not real)girlfriend-stealer HAHAH

how jimin ...went through so much but..the way he was with y/n, how their bond was, the way he accepted that he needs help with his trauma and guilt and .. i could go on and on..ahh idk i could write so much about them.. and y/n.. man.. sometimes i don't like what "y/n's" are doing but you... you did her real good.

o k a y sometimes i wanted to punch her (cuz that's normal) but i also understood her so i was feeling bad for being mad...i just love them all so much..and i got so happy at the end... at the wedding...

i'm glad you can't see me crying rn because i'm shedding ugly tears.

it's crazy to say this after reading a ton of fanfictions but i think this turned into my all time favourite.

and i dont think that another one can top this.. Love Again will always have a special place in my heart.

thank you so much for giving us this beautiful story! <3

sorry for my grammar, i'm not a native speaker

sorry it took me a hot minute to answer this one—it’s just every time i read it i legit had to take a moment to collect myself from stopping my entire body from melting

anyway

thank you thank you thank you 💘 i screenshotted this the moment you sent it in and sent it to my sister in law so we could sob together

i’m very happy you enjoyed Love Again and that my updates were something you could look forward to and also !!!!! i’m super wowed that you’d even tell your bff about it!

this story was so fun to write and every chapter i wrote felt satisfying in my own eyes, making every time i had to write feel super easy. your kind words talking about all the little details whether it’s plot related or about the characters just makes me feel so accomplished 😭 i can’t tell you guys enough but even if ONE person feels connected to my story and my words in any way then i feel like im doing something good and a worthy human being lol

so glad you liked the ending! and yeah, the characters were fun and made the story feel more full imo but of course y/n’s have to be annoying sometimes for some drama akdjdjsjsksks

thank you thank you for reading this series and supporting me from start to finish, it means everything and the fact you took the time to write me all of this is just <3

glad you couldn’t see me either because the first read through of this i def shed at least 4 tears lmao

also, don’t apologize for the grammar, you wrote super well :)

thanks again, i’ll cherish this ask forever 💗💘

#love again #you’re so lovely

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sergeant-angels-trashcan · 4 years

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Hiii!!! I have a question that i'd love if you could answer, but no pressure! Do you have any tips on writing Kate? or more specifically, are there any things that you keep in mind when you're writing her? just any kind of advice you feel like sharing for someone writing her :) (((ik that every writer is different in their interpretations of characters in fics, etc, but i'd really love to hear any thoughts you'd be willing to share!))) <3

This is an incredibly flattering ask, first of all, so thank you! also this got hmmm very long so i apologize. the adderall wore off and now the gremlins in my brain are knocking everything off the shelves in search of dopamine

And it seems like you already know this, but I’ll say it anyway: your mileage may vary. My interpretation of Kate is really personal, and I have often, knowingly or unknowingly, used writing Kate to work through some of my own traumas. so like, advice number one, feel free to work through trauma via Kate Bishop

keeping that in mind, here are the four things I keep in mind when writing kate:

her trauma

Kate’s been through a lot of shit. For me, focusing on this was a way to work through my own trauma and mental health issues, but even if that’s not your jam, it’s still something to keep in mind. She’s survived rape, her mom has died, her dad tried to kill her AND she found out he was a lying douchebag, she’s been a government fugitive twice, she’s seen her best friend die in front of her, she’s been hit by a car. So there’s a lot of mental health stuff and physical health stuff. I have depression and PTSD and anxiety and panic attacks and dad issues, so that’s something easy for me to focus on that also is supported by the text. Don’t be afraid to lean into a mental health thing, or the fact that she has also canonically gone to therapy. I like that combo when writing about Kate—that she deals with a lot of trauma baggage, but she’s also works through it

The physical trauma stuff also helps when remembering that she’s a soft squishy human unlike a lot of the people she hangs around with. It’s easy for me to imagine she’s got a bum knee or chronic pain issues. I’ve written concussion stuff specifically because I remember having post-concussion syndrome and it made sense that she would have it, too? Though now that I’m thinking about it, the physical issues from avengering is an idea I’m going to have to revist while leaning more into “what if kate couldn’t do archery because of an injury” because that taps into some issues I’m still coming to terms with!!

But basically, going through all of that—even just some of that!--impacts how you view yourself, how you move in the world, how you relate to other people, etc. she’s been through a lot!

her age

this is probably where I differ from a lot of other kate writers and again, it’s probably just personal? Because lbr I project HARDCORE on to Kate, so seeing her as “my age” is kinda my go-to. I love the idea of teenage superheroes growing up and having to adult. And mentoring younger superheroes. And getting mad at the avengers for doing a TERRIBLE job of it.

dueling headcanons aside, keep in mind that Kate is young in relation to the Avengers, but old in relation to her team. For me, the age differences between her and her team influence how Kate sees herself as a leader/role model/etc. In the comics, it seems like Kate does better taking care of herself when she has other people to take care of or set a team-leader-y example for. If she’s on her own she is literally getting hit by cars and committing arson.

(Since we’re here tho I do think of the Young Avengers as Millennials, and for me that’s a very important part of the whys of them becoming superheroes. Because—stick with me here—based on their ages when they first showed up they all would have been….what, in like 3-7th grade on 9/11? Obviously I don’t know how old you are, or if you remember/were alive for 9/11 and the aftermath, but I can’t imagine that not influencing their desire to become superheroes, even if they don’t realize it themselves.)

However you see Kate’s age, it’s important to think about how it influences how other people see her and how she sees herself within her team.

her team!

who kate is with a team and who she is without a team are VERY different things. if she’s with the Young Avengers for most of your story or working solo might affect how...for lack of a better phrase...how much of an on fire garbage can she is.

Kate loves her people. How does she relate to them? Who is she closest to? Why does she date people on her team? Is that a good idea?

For me, Kate and Eli’s relationship is always important, even if it doesn’t make it on screen, so to speak. That they both led the team, that he quit, that they dated—how do they relate to one another? Are they friends? Awkward exes? Are they working together?

Is the team on hiatus? Do they have a group chat? Is Kate everyone’s emergency contact? How much does she confide in them, or does she feel the need to be the Strong Team Leader at all times? How does that impact her friendships? How did losing Cassie affect her leadership style?

These are her friends! How do they impact her life?

she’s a badass

this might seem like a given, but seriously, kate is a total badass. She can dance and fence, she knows how to use swords and batons, she’s super strong and swole. She has canonically committed arson. I think it’s canon she has a photographic memory? She’s a small business owner. She loves explosives and military grade weapons thanks to Deadpool, who, canonically, thinks she is awesome. She’s good schmoozing, she’s good with people in general. She has a nemesis! She’s the captain of a spaceship! Kate Bishop is cool!!!!!!! even if she doesn’t know it. or act it. she’s awesome.

Other things to keep in mind:

Lots of people play with Kate’s race. What if she’s white? What if she’s Jewish? What if she’s Eastern European? What if she’s white and Japanese and Navajo? What does that say about her family? What was growing up like? How does being not-quite-white or white-but-the-wrong-kind-of-white or white-but-not-really change how she moves in the world? (for the record, I usually see Derek as run-of-the-mill white dude, so how does that impact her? How does that change the relationship he had with her mother?) I don’t always, and I don’t have the experience to do those stories justice a lot of the times, but I think race and religion are important to consider a bit when writing Kate.

(particularly with the current US political climate, and who her friends are, it’s just really interesting to think about. Like, you KNOW Kate is at a BLM protest kicking a canister of tear gas back at the cops and literally putting her body between David and the pr*ud boys or whatever.)

Also? Kate has opposed registration of superheroes twice now. You could definitely lean into that and her political activism potential.

Kate has a sister.

Kate is sex-positive

Clint is a very important part of her life

She knows how to commit arson and blow stuff up, can probably speak several languages, is flexible and strong and VERY SMART and also somehow can’t figure out how to illegally download music. She’s a wonderful combo of intelligence and dumbassery. Don’t feel like you have to make her all one or the other!

Don’t feel like she needs to be straight. Or cis.

and of course, write the story you want to, or need to. I think Kate’s really great for that--she’s got the potential to be a lot of things to a lot of different people. what do you need her to be?

I hope this was informative and useful! i have no idea if it actually will be, or if it’s too much...me? let me know! and thank you for the ask!

#you've got questions i've got answers #kate bishop #young avengers #hawkeye #my stuff #writing advice #i'm honestly so flattered by this ask #and my answer is legit just 'i wrote out my trauma and it happened to work with kate's'#me: i had a flashback real bad today so guess what you get to have kate??!!#Anonymous #kate bishop starter pack

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pebblysand · 3 years

Text

of breakable clay [extended author's notes on chapter viii of castles]

oh my god. it’s out. jesus christ.

okay first off, before i dive into anything, i know i’ve already done this in the actual a/n but i would like to wholeheartedly thank @whiffingbooks over on discord for helping me with figuring out the structure of things fic. although i have to admit i did not, at all, do what i told you i would do, talking it out was massively helpful in figuring this one out, so thanks a million. secondly, i would like send all of my most sincere and affectionate thanks to @whizzfizz on here, who mother-of-god basically designed this entire chapter and listened to me rant, and rant, and rant about it for days on end without complaining. i’ll go into a bit more depth later on, but THANK YOU.

now, a few facts on this chapter before i dive further in:

wordcount: 19168. i legit would apologise for this but i promised i wouldn’t so i’m not going to. that’s growing up people. don’t apologise for yourselves haha.

soundtrack: so i’ve never mentioned this but each chapter kind of has a soundtrack? like a song that i listened to on loop while writing this. here, i would basically point you to the entire spotify of a band called barns courtney (there’s one album and a few eps), i basically listened to all of their songs on loop this past month. i feel like they have such a strong gryffindor energy, in the good, the bad and the ugly. this chapter is definitely sort of an ode to gryffindors so their music was a very big inspo. if i had to point you to one song, it would probably be dopamine.

favourite line: ‘I dig my fingernails into the inside of my palms and it feels like the blood that comes out is already boiling.’

what is this chapter about? now, that’s an easy one. survival.

okay, now, spoilers under the cut.

ugh. holy fucking shit. i’m actually at a stage right now where i strongly believe that no one on earth will want to read this because everyone probably hates me right now for the choices that i made, especially after i made you wait almost three months for this shit. i always feel like whatever i’ve put out was the hardest chapter to write so far but this one was really out there in terms of struggles - i’m really sorry it took so long, but here we are.

there are reasons, though. first, as i said in my may round up, i didn’t really start writing this until about a month ago, because a lot of things were happening in my life that i needed to take care of. i took exams (which i passed!!!!), my mum had a health emergency, ireland added france to their mandatory quarantine list (it has been removed as of yesterday thank. fucking. christ) and i started a new job. it was a lot.

anyway, this being said, when i did get to writing this chapter, as mentioned above in the thank-you section, i kind of first struggled with the structure of it. now, you will see this is a recurring theme this time around but for this, my instincts were telling me one thing, and my brain was saying something else.

basically, what came first here wasn’t the actual content of ginny’s letters (more on that, obviously, in a minute) but the ‘mood’ i wanted for the chapter. i wanted to recreate, both for harry and for the reader, this sort of idea of being completely immersed in a book or a story. like, you know the kind of mood where reality just kind of blends out, where you start reading something and just. cannot. stop. i don’t think he’s much a reader (at least not canonically) and so i wanted this to take him by surprise, for her to take over his life with her words. i explained in the previous a/n [link] i chose to have ginny’s war be told through letters (basically, i thought it would be the best way to narratively tell her story), and i really wanted harry to experience what she’d lived through almost first hand.

now, interestingly, my idea for how to do this originally was to have the letters sort of be interwoven into the events of 1999, throughout the next couple of chapters (meaning this one and chapter nine). i had this idea in my head of him living through ‘real life’ things but not being able to take his mind off her letters, with the letters also sort of echoing the events that were happening in 99, etc. having the two plot lines develop at once and meet in the middle, kind of.

and i tried to write that. for a long time. spoiler alert, it didn’t work. i think the reason is that every time i sat down with it, i felt like i was doing a disservice to both stories. i mean: 97/98 is important, but 99 also is, you know? and by taking the narrative in and out all the time, it was like you couldn’t concentrate on one thing. it was just very messy and didn’t have the intensity i was originally aiming for because it kept being dragged out of whatever was the main action at the time. i wanted harry to get sucked into the narrative, for her letters to take over his life, but in the end, the impression i just got was that the whole thing was confusing af. instead of deeply caring about both, i couldn’t bring myself to care either for ginny’s story, or for his.

also, i just kept hitting a wall: a wall called harry. basically, i knew that the next two chapters (i.e. eight and nine) would stretch from january 99 to june 99. and for the love of god, no matter how many times i turned it around in my head, there was - to me - no way that harry as we know him would just pace himself to read her letters throughout all those months. like, harry fucking potter isn’t the kind of guy who ‘paces’ himself. he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t sleep for a week to get through it all, you know? this is everything that he’s wanted to know since last may, he’s been desperately looking for answers up to this point, there is absolutely not way in hell that he’d wait it out nicely until june. it felt ooc to have him read the letters over a few months. and i just kept hitting that wall over and over. i considered, at one point, building him reading the letters into flashbacks but flashbacks of flashbacks were, again, quite messy, and i don’t think her letters would ever be something he’d volunteer to re-read, so. clearly, it wasn’t working.

then, i think on a random sunday a few weeks ago, i just went back to the drawing board and was like: okay, say we just write all of the letters and go from there, what would happen? by the end of the day, i’d written 12,000 words and that was that, really.

now, the second difficulty, once i’d decided that was…. what you all probably want me to talk about.

i know this is probably not what you want to hear but: i didn’t really plan this? like, i understand that a lot of people have sort of a headcanon about what happened to ginny in that year in hogwarts but i … don’t. like, as planned as this fic is (which it is, i know where i’m going, i promise) that was always a bit of a blank-space-tbd in my head. i think that this story, as hinny as it is, is mostly about harry. and while i knew what i wanted for harry from her telling her story (for him to get sucked in, for him to realise that his war wasn’t the only war in the world ‘cause he’s been bloody self-centered so far, for him to realise that his plan to protect her didn’t exactly work because it didn’t cater for who she is, etc.), i wasn’t really sure what that story was. i mean, i knew it was going to be bad and traumatic, obviously, but i didn’t know what would happen. and still, to me, what i wrote is a version of that year. it’s not really my headcanon (i still don’t really have one), and i definitely accept other versions, if that makes sense.

this being said, i obviously had thought about it a little. i remember writing chapter one with that line: ‘They have sex for the first time, that day – his first time and it feels like hers, too, but he wouldn’t dare ask, not anymore, anyways’ and thinking i wanted to leave the door open. to me, it was a door completely open: it could have indeed been her first time, or she could have seen someone else (consensually) during that year, or she could have been assaulted. i honestly didn’t know but yeah, that was always a possibility in the back of my head.

then, to tell you the truth, when i wrote the first version of this chapter (the 12,000 words i mentioned earlier), it wasn’t there. i sat down and decided that i wasn’t going to go there. firstly, because, while you probably don’t know this, i’ve written about sexual assault before. my previous long fic, children, in another fandom, dealt (in part) with that. and i didn’t want to be the-fic-writer-who-writes-about-sexual-assault. especially because trust me, there are people who are a lot more legitimate to talk about this than i am. i also didn’t feel like it was necessary to the story, i could do without it and still explain ginny’s early behaviour in the fic, explain her trauma, and have harry realise the things i talked about before. secondly, i’ll be honest: i know this isn’t what people in this fandom want to read. the hinny pairing is mostly about love and fluff (which i love, btw, don’t get me wrong) and i was like, ugh, i don’t want to face the angry comments. i’m writing this a/n the morning before posting so i admittedly don’t know what the reaction will be but i do anticipate a lot of annoyance with me. i knew that a lot of people wouldn’t like it if i went there, and it was just easier not to.

but then, as i started editing, there was a comment (and this, ladies and gentlemen, is a testament to how much your comments fucking matter, okay?). a comment that i remembered reading on the previous chapter and could not get out of my head, no matter how much i tried. well, hello, @whizzfizz. i’ll happily give credit where credit is due. it read:

This made me think of something you mentioned earlier in the fic (possibly Ch1) about Harry not being sure if he was Ginny’s first but that it felt like it. I wonder if this is something that is going to come up in her letters to him.

and, so, it turned. around and around in my head, and i couldn’t get it out. and i kept saying to myself: no, you’re not going there. no, you’re not going there. and then, one night, i caved. i was like, fuck, i need to know if this person really meant what i think they meant by this. and so we talked. a lot. and, i did a lot of thinking. about women. about wars. about violence against women as a an inevitable weapon of war. about ginny being harry’s girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend (more on that later), and what that would have meant in their world. and @whizzfizz, you said something that in the end really sold me. you said: ‘at this point, i don’t think it would be realistic for it not to have happened.’ and, that was that, really.

because i was right, initially. amycus/ginny (ugh, the idea of a pairing makes me throw up in my mouth a little but yeah, there it is) isn’t necessary to the story. but i believe it to be necessary to what this story is trying to show. the plot held well without it, no questions asked. 12,000 words of the da and their battles, of ginny’s rebellions. it was fine. but i think i wanted more than fine. to me (and i appreciate how fucking pretentious that is, please slap me in the face *eyeroll*), castles is more than its plot. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: this is about what is behind ‘all was well.’ it’s about trying to paint a realistic picture of their lives. and that includes the war. and realistically, as far as i’m concerned, knowing how humans fight their wars, knowing our history and the history of violence against women construed as a weapon in literally every conflict there ever was, there is no way that this didn’t happen. ginny says it herself: for us girls, it’s just the way wars are fought.

so, i did go there. and the whole fandom probably hates me for going there, but i sort of stand by it, i have to say. to be honest, on a sort of subconscious level, i kind of wonder: didn’t i always know i was going to go there? like, this fits perfectly into the plot to the point that i think it was probably in my head for much longer than i care to admit. now, i’m so, fucking excited to write next chapter because i finally get to write happy things, and hinny getting back together on rock solid foundations of openness and sharing, and trust, and i’m so, so glad. there are a couple of scenes in the next chapter that i’ve been working towards for months and i’m so, bloody excited to write them. everyone might hate me and i might just be writing this fic for myself now (lol), but again, i stand by the decisions i took. to me, it fits.

phew. okay, now that huge thing is out of the way and explained, here are a few more jumbled thoughts:

the more i think about it, the more i think that my reason for not wanting to be the-fic-writer-who-writes-about-sexual-assault is a bit ridic. children and castles, in that way, are so, so different. like, i appreciate the overlap between the silk fandom and the hp fandom is probably ridiculously small but if you’ve read both stories, they’re obviously very different. one thing that both stories centre on, though, is consent. and to me, that’s probably the most interesting element of ginny/amycus, and the most interesting element of writing characters within a restrictive pov, rather than an omniscient one. like, do i think ginny/amycus is rape? yes. 100%. do i think that ginny thinks it’s rape? that is a much more interesting question. she says it a number of times but i think to her, this is all about control. i think that because of what happened to her with tom, she’s someone who is terrified of losing control of her mind and of her own agency. so as not to lose that, she’s willing to do whatever it takes. it is a ‘you can control my body, but not my thoughts,’ sort of narrative. and, she never says it outright because i think psychologically she’s just not there yet, but tom is everywhere in these letters. and as her world just spirals out, she hangs onto the very few things that she can control: her relationship to harry, and her willingness to do what it takes for them to survive. she initiates the ‘relationship’ with amycus in an attempt to control her fate. later, as she explains to harry she feels a lot of guilt over what she did, and like a lot of sexual assault survivors, she thinks it was her responsibility. because i’m in harry’s head most of the time for this fic, i’m not sure i’ll ever really get to discuss that at length, but it’s definitely something that i wanted to show. another interesting question is: does harry think it’s rape? i think at that point in the fic, he doesn’t have the education, nor the vocabulary for that. i think instinctively (because he is someone who is very instinctive), he doesn’t blame her. if he blames anyone, it’s probably himself. he understands the necessity to do what you have to do to survive and thinks that no, no matter what she claims, that was not consented. that’s kind of what comes out in his annoyingly inarticulate letter to her at the end. beyond that, though, i think he’s a bit lost, just like she is.

on a mildly related note, there is something that i've been seeing a lot in the comments and that i feel like i should maybe address? namely: harry's reaction to ginny dating other people. i assume similar comments will be made about his reaction to ginny/alecto (meaning that he still decides to write to her, at the end of the chapter). i've seen a lot of people observe that he's much more 'chill' about it in castles than in canon. fair point but is he, though? like, he isn't happy about it in castles. and he's jealous as well. but he was never entitled in canon. he was jealous, yes, the chest monster and all that, but he never really did anything about it, and never really impeded on her right to see other people. now, this being said, i agree that in sixth year he might have thrown a tantrum, had she done what she did in castles, but that was sixth year. it was before the war. before he lost half a dozen people. before he had to adult bloody fucking quickly. this being said, i do think castles-Harry is more 'subdued,' i suppose, than canon harry. this is a choice i made early on, which to me is related to the fact that he kind of lost his 'voice' during the war. i mean, it took him six months of people talking shit behind his back to do a press interview to defend himself. i think with ginny, it's a lot of the same. he's a boy who blames himself a lot, and generally doesn't particularly think he deserves the people in his life. to me it's an evolution of his character within the the world of castles. i'm happy to agree to disagree on it, but to me it makes sense within the character evolution and the way the fic's gone, so to speak. now, obviously, he'll grow out of that in due course, but we're not quite there yet.

regarding their relationship, now, i have to say: one headcanon that i did have for this was her not outright telling everyone they’d broken up. i’m sorry, that plan was shit. i just don’t buy for a second that she would willingly have gone ahead with it, and i don’t buy for a second that tom wouldn’t have used her had he known they’d been together, ex girlfriend or not. plus, i think she needed something to hand onto, and that was her relationship with him. her letters. the belief that they would be together again. without it, i don’t think she’d have survived. and i think that summer after the war, they were totally on the same page, for different reasons. both of them kind of saw their relationship as the one thing that kept them afloat, the one good thing they had, partly also because they’d idealised it for so long. she says it as some point, it wasn’t a relationship, it was a lifeline (another sentence i came up with as a response to a comment, lol) and while that is toxic and was meant to crumble at some point, it was necessary for them, both during the war, and in the early days after it. i think her last letter to him is painstakingly correct on that one.

regarding canon, i know i’m bending a couple of things here, which i just wanted to quickly acknowledge: 1) i know jkr has said it’s teddy remus lupin. i just can’t believe, for a moment, that someone who hated himself as much as lupin did, canonically, would name his son after himself. naming his son after his best mate who died to young to become problematic though? i totally see it. so yeah, creative licence, it’s teddy james lupin in this house, lol. 2) when they meet neville in dh, he kind of hints that they’ve only just started to use the room of requirement a couple weeks ago. the text however, only says they’ve only been staying in it full time a couple of weeks ago. i needed them to have somewhere where to meet with the da and stuff, so i bent that a bit. it’s not strictly canon, but it’s also not not canon, if that makes sense.

on seamus blowing things up and talking about eight hundred years of oppression? full disclaimer, while i am french, i have been living in ireland for long enough to become eligible for citizenship in less than six months (yay!). i know some people have said that seamus is a bit of a cliche in the books/films and all (the only irish character keen on blowing things up, haha *eyeroll*), but i actually kind of love it? like, the whole thing about the cranberries and zombie at the start of the fic has been in my head for much longer than i care to admit. i love the idea that there’s this whole muggle war going on at the exact same time that no one ever talks about and actually, i find the idea of wizarding ireland v. muggle ireland and the whole political structure fascinating. like, is wizarding ireland an independent state? what’s the story there? i have a whole seamus fic in my head, partially on this topic, that i might or might not write one day.

lastly, i know this may sound a bit weird but i need to say it: once i’d figured out what and how i was writing it, i bloody loved writing this chapter. first stylistically, i really wanted to mimic the style of how i’d written the magazine article in chapter 5 (i.e. not writing out the whole thing but writing out in text the excerpts that harry focused on) and i love how that turned out. i think it was a good way to balance her words and his, kind of merging them into one, big narrative. second, as a writer, it was so fucking interesting to write someone who knows how to write, which believe it or not i’d never done before. additionally, i loved the challenge of editing this because it was like: i’ve got to edit this, but not too much? i was very careful about modifying and polishing too much of ginny’s speech in the letters because i obviously wanted it to sound like someone who was just writing as the words came to her, without polishing the words, the punctuation, etc. like i usually would. i wanted her to have quirks (she says ‘you know?’ a lot) and i played with her capitalisation and punctuation a bit too. i know these aren’t necessarily noticeable details but it was definitely something that i thought about and that was very fun and interesting to write, as a format.

wow, okay. this was LONG but i think i have everything i wanted to say. if you’ve read all of this (whyyyyy?), thanks so much for sticking around. if you’ve got any questions, anything i didn’t address, do let me know, anon or not, my ask box is open. now, i would love to say i’m going to chill or something, but the truth is that i have to a) actually do a last read through of the fic, lol and b) put it out. this is what i get for writing the a/n before finishing the damn thing, i guess. i’ll rest tomorrow, lol.

lastly, in terms of next chapter, realistically, i’d say eight to ten weeks. i have a full time job now and also, writing this was fucking exhausting and i need to take time out for a bit before coming back to it with a fresh mind. i will be writing other stuff though, i promise. i have a couple of prompts to get to (thanks!!!) and a couple of other ideas so i will probably be posting in the meantime, just not castles.

lots of love,

#castles #extended an #writing #fic #its out #holy shit #byyyyyye #I have not proofread this so we die like men eh

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faithfulcat111 · 4 years

Text

Okay, this bit is going to appear to start in a really weird place, but that is because I wrote this entire AU stream of consciousness style in my notes and just broke it into sections to post here cause it was like thirty pages. So part two!

Vanya wastes no time driving to Diego's. She can't get Five out of the car by herself, so she goes into the gym and manages to find Al who looks like he could be in charge and asks if he know where Diego is. Al is immediately defensive, wondering if this is some weird ex. Not Diego's usual type, but hey who is he to judge. When Al asks why she is looking for Diego, Vanya explains that she is his sister and she has their missing brother and needs Diego's help. Sister instantly set off red flags because as far as Al knew, Diego was pissed and fighting with both of them. Al wasn't even sure how many brothers Diego had, having only seen one around (the only sibling around actually), and only heard of the others as a group in passing. But a missing one? No wonder the kid is messed up. He agrees to help Vanya get Five into Diego's room as Diego is out right now and holy shit, that is a legit kid. Too old to be a kid of Diego's, but he almost looks too young to be their sibling. And Vanya is grabbing a couple duffle bags and abandons the keys. Something weird is going on. Al gets the kid inside for Vanya, but decides he is staying out of this mess.

Vanya waits inside. Five isn't waking and Diego takes a few hours to get back from his vigilante stuff. Al manages to catch him and says his brother and sister are waiting inside so don't throw those damn knives at them. Diego is confused, but Al keeps going, saying that his sister showed up with a kid claiming it was their missing brother and the kid looked horrible and, Diego runs into the room and stops short when he sees Five of all people sleeping on his bed with Vanya reading beside him. He is understandably not happy about Vanya just showing up and wants answers about why she and Five of all people are here. Vanya tries to explain the best she can with her limitied knowledge: Five showed up at some point, Dad was keeping him at the house cause he is sick or something due to time travel, Luther tried to contact the siblings, but could only get ahold of Vanya, Luther got Five out of the house before taking off to some important mission to the moon. Luther never saw Five awake and neither has Vanya yet. Diego needs a moment before he asks why Luther even bothered getting Five out. Vanya says that all he told her was Mom mentioned it, that Five needed family. Diego still feels like there are so many missing pieces, but you know what, he'll take what he has and since Mom wanted Five to get out like everyone else, then he is staying out.

Five chooses this moment to come back to consciousness. The two just hear a slight whimper behind them at first and turn to see Five sleepily blinking his eyes open. They stare at him for a long moment before he just screeches. Vanya practically jumps on the bed grabbing Five and holding him which promptly shuts him up. He looks absolutely bewildered. Diego steps forward, cautiously asking if Five knew who they were and where he was at. Five reaches up one hand to touch Vanya's arm and just whispers in a far too raspy voice, "Ghosts can't touch me." And then passes right back out.

Okay, their brother has obviously been through some things and is traumatized af. Diego helps Vanya navigate their brother out of the coat, startling when something falls out of one of the pockets. It's Vanya's book. Clearly it is Five's copy as a quick flip through the pages shows a bunch of equations scribbled through the margins. What stops Diego though is that this is a library copy. And the last date it was turned in was in 2019. Nearly four years from now. Vanya sees Diego holding the book and starts to say something, but is cut off by him just saying that Five definitely time traveled before showing her the stamps showing when the book was last checked in. He then says that Veggie will be looking for them, or at least Five, and they need to go. So he stuffs some things into his own duffle bag, hands all the bags to Vanya, scoops up Five, and leads the way.

This is where I stopped writing for two months because I was working on another AU and had finals and holidays, but I think I remember where I was going with this, so here we go.

Diego, Vanya, and Five take off with only a call to Eudora from Diego (who they are newly broken-up, so it takes awhile, but Diego finally just tells her he has to leave for awhile and if she can keep an eye out for Klaus, he would appreciate it) and Diego telling Al to just box his stuff up or sell it. They leave in Diego's car, although they trade it out at a sketchy car lot the next town over. Why did they take off like this? Diego knows what the evil there father figure is and Vanya quickly figured out they would have to leave to avoid him taking back Five, which is her focus. It doesn't take long for Diego to deduce that is her intentions and for his big brother instincts to take over and decide to run with them and take care of the two.

Through the initial 24 hours after they take off, Five is mostly asleep. They bring him back to consciousness a couple of times to drink something or eat something soft, but he appears to also have some kind of fever.

They end up in a mediumish-sized town in the midwest just big enough that they can disappear into. They pull the siblings trying to get away from abusive situation card with a nice old lady who manages an apartment building and lets them stay and even hires Diego as part of her maintenence crew for the buildings she runs till he can find a proper job. The old lady seems to be under the impression that Five is one of their kids, not little brother, but they can't figure out whose kid she thinks he is, because she clearly knows that Diego and Vanya are siblings and it is a whole thing. They also give fake names when signing their lease, but I'll figure those out later.

Five finally wakes up more coherent then he has been a couple days later under Vanya's careful care. He seems very confused about where he is, understandably, but especially by Diego and Vanya being there. He appears to vaguely remember being locked up by the trauma-meister, but seems hesitant to explain what happened before that. Vanya explains that Luther got him out before taking off on some important mission to the moon on Grace's prodding and Vanya and Diego took off with him as they didn't want Veggie taking him back to his torture chamber.

After a little bit of prodding, they finally get out of Five that he traveled to the end of the world, set to happen in 2019 and they need to stop it and that he was trapped there for two years. Diego and Vanya are doubtful, but they agree to help under the condition that they do it under the radar considering they need to stay hidden from Vegetable until at least 2018 when Five will be, biologically 18.

And that is the premise. There is no permanent orchestra in the town they moved to, but Vanya lands a job teaching music theory and such at the community college and giving private lessons to local kids on the side. After a month of working for Ms. Roberts (I've decided that is their landlord's name), Diego gets a much better job, working first in janitorial at the local gym and a temp trainer, before being hired on permanently. Five is a bit more trouble. People seem to freak him out in large quantities, but he is also a kid, even though he is a very smart kid. And with Ms. Roberts knowing he is a minor, they really don't want the CPS breathing down their necks and taking their technically kidnapped, but very traumatized brother away. So, Vanya finds a local homeschool coalition. It requires that Five shows up for an in-person class once a week, but he can do the rest of his classes online and that gives him plenty of time to work on the end of the world stuff. He picks the music theory class that Vanya volunteers to teach to give Five free tuition.

And the three slowly build a life in this town. Diego and Vanya seem to have silently agreed to just pretend the Book never happened so they can take care of Five. Five clearly has nightmares and freaks out at both people and being without his siblings, so he goes with them everywhere (he ends up auditing all the classes Vanya teaches at the university when he enrolls at 17 to start on a math degree, mainly because he already sat through the classes a couple of times at this point).

They don't contact Vanya's orchestra, they were miffed when she called to say she wasn't showing up anymore the day she got Five. Diego calls Eudora after about six months to check in. She picked up Diego's only box of stuff from Al that he left behind and is holding it for him and agrees since Vanya's year lease is almost up to clear out Vanya's old apartment soon. (She is just being really great, but they aren't telling her the brother they are watching is a kidnapped minor for a reason). She also tells them that she had to put Klaus back in rehap a month ago and he had seemed really confused by her doing it instead of Diego like usual. Diego won't tell her where he is though. She does agree to look into the eye Five finally admitted he has from the apocalypse and will gather all info she can find for when Diego calls back. (When he does a few months later, she tells them the eye doesn't exist, the company it is from hasn't even started making prosthetic eyes yet).

And then, Vanya's pills. Well, she realizes she is running low and since they are laying low, she can't exactly call her old therapist or psychiatrist and get a refill. So, she goes to a new one who flips at the level she is taking (how is that allowed!!!) and starts a plan to wean her off those and onto a new set of anxiety meds that would be better for her. Vanya starts to feel happier and better overall. There is complaining about the bad lightbulbs Diego always buys because one seems to shatter every two months and she always seems to know what either boys are muttering even across the room, but none of them really notice Vanya's powers. Maybe because Five seems genuinely terrified of his own at the moment and they all know they can't draw attention to themselves as former members of the Umbrella Academy, but powers are the furthest thing from everyone's minds. Diego even goes to a sort of seedy tattoo artist and gets his covered up, playing up the umbrella as a stupid drunk mistake he wants to forget and Five takes to wearing long sleeves and bracelets so people can't see his. Five also goes and sees this therapist and gets classic GAD and PTSD and goes on anxiety meds too eventually. Vanya just has SAD and over the time they are in this town, she eventually gets weaned down to an as needed pill, which she only is to take for an attack which ends up being once every couple weeks or so. Five is on daily meds. Dunno yet if this will be relevant, but to give you an idea of the starting point I have for each of them. Five also has asthma from all the ash.

#again I'm staying vague cause i really wanna write this #I'm totally picturing on of my friends as i write five in this au and i hope he doesn't get mad if he sees this #also #if you wanna suggest names for these lovely people in hiding #please do so #alias au #the umbrella academy #tua #five hargreeves #diego hargreeves #vanya hargreeves

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poetryofyouth · 4 years

Text

I did it, I finally quit psychiatry

(I wrote this for r/antipsychiatry, but I thought I might as well post it here too. don't read if you're easily triggered)

It's been a long journey through hell, but I've had enough. I'm not taking any more shit from incompetent, clueless doctors who think they know me better than I do myself. Who do not listen to me when I beg them to change the medication and instead just give me more of the stuff that is making me worse. I'll finally be free.

I doubt anyone cares, but I'll just tell you my story from the beginning. This is going to be a very long story. Basically, I became depressed at 14 or 15, I'm a 22 year old woman now. The reason was mainly that I couldn't handle the pressure from school. I am a very ambitious, perfectionist but also extremely lazy person. I was constantly beating myself up for not achieving what I wanted to achieve but also unable to fix my behavior. I did also have some slight, not even that serious trauma from a emotionally neglectful childhood and my parents telling me I was a failure every time I would get a grade that wasn't an A. At some point it all became too much and I started self-harming. Then I got worse and worse, self harming occasionally but severely, until I finally attempted suicide at 17.

I was locked into a youth psychiatry institution against my. will. I had my rights, my freedom taken away and was forced to take heavy medications. The very first evening I asked the psychiatrist at the hospital about the side effects of the medications, but he refused to tell me anything and instead just said I should trust his professional judgement. Unfortunately I was too tired and unwell to keep asking so I just accepted not knowing what would happen to me.

They gave me very high doses of Seroquel (Quetiapine), SSRIs and other stuff that I don't even know because they didn't even tell me the names of what they made me take. I just know the names of the medications I was supposed to continue to take after the hospital stay because they were in the papers they gave me. Then after a few days I begged the doctor to take me off the meds because I was so tired I could barely move. I had never felt worse in my life. she refused and instead upped my dose further.

I got worse and worse until I managed to get access to a razor blade I injured myself with on purpose. When my roommate told the nurses what I had done, I was forcefully, against my will restrained onto a bed. Yes, they actually tied me to a bed. And then pushed the bed into a small room where I was alone, and tied to the bed, unable to move. Of course I had a severe panic attack. The room had video surveillance, but it took them quite some time to notice that I was having a panic attack. they finally came and gave me something to breathe into and I calmed down more or less, but they didn't untie me. I later had to pee, and they didn't even untie me for that. I had to pee into a bedpan while tied to the bed, with a nurse watching me. it was incredibly humiliating. I was not untied the entire night. I was restrained until the next morning. When they finally untied me, I had quite seriously injured myself from fighting against the restraints. I had basically torn the skin off my ankles, the scars are faded now but they were visible for many years. It was quite painful. I do consider this incident of being restrained against my will psychiatric abuse, especially because I was restrained for so long. In total probably 10 hours, maybe even more.

Then the hospital didn't really know what to do with myself. I had of course lost any trust I had into the nurses and doctors and shut myself off from them. So they transferred me to a different institution, a more high-security one. Of course I wasn't asked if that was okay, I had to comply. I had began to form relationships with some of the girls, so being taken away from the small support system I had was very stresssful, especially considering how fragile I was at that time.

The other institution wasn't much different, but it was good for me to be taken away from the people who had abused me. I got a tiny bit better. I started to trust the nurses there a little bit. I got along with the other patients and over all liked the hospital better for maby reasons. And then they noticed I was a little better. And then they decided I was well enough to go back to the other hospital. Of course I wasn't asked this time either. But I had made more progress there in two weeks than in the other hospital in a month. I had again started building a little support system. But worst of all, I was forced to go back to the place where I had been abused, and at the time I was still very affected by the experience. I felt incredibly powerless and betrayed, but I didn't have a choice.

Then back at the first hospital I decided I would get better, for no other reason than to finally be able to leave that horrible place.

Then two things were getting severly uncomfortable. I was weighed every week and started noticing significant weight gain. At the same time, I was hungry all the time. painfully hungry, ravenous, even. I basically felt like I was starving all the time but still put on weight. Of course that was because of the high doses of Seroquel, but no one told me. I told nurses, doctors and therapists about the hunger and weight gain, but they simply didn't tell me that was a side effect, they told me an increased appetite was a sign i was getting better. I legit thought I was losing my mind.I have struggled with weight all my life and putting weight on like that made me feel horrible.

Then the doctor decided I was well enough to start taking up school work again. I begged him not to force me to, I told them the pressure of school was the reason I was sick in the first place. Of course no one listened to me. I was forced to do school work even if I knew it wasn't good for me. they didn't care.

Then, after three months of hell, I was finally released. And only because it was Christmas, and my parents refused to leave me there over Christmas. I got a therapist and medication for home.

Then after the Christmas holidays I, against my will, started going to school again. And after about two weeks, my new therapist told me that I had to choose between dropping out of school or going back to the hospital, because school was already making me severely suicidal again. And that was one of the few good things a mental health professional had said to me. I dropped out of school and actually started getting better for real. I sometimes forgot to take my medication, and every time I did, I instanty felt better. I suddenly didn't feel like a tired zombie anymore, I actually had emotions, I felt... alive. So I begged my psychiatrist to let me stop taking medications, and a few months after being released from the hospital, I was free of them.

And everything was great. I got a job, then I volunteered in New Zealand, then, when I was in a more stable place than at 17, I took up school again and graduated with flying colors. I was doing incredibly well.

And then I started university. The first semester went okay, but my mental health quickly started deteriorating. It was the academic pressure again. That's simply something I cannot handle. Soon I started self harming again, and it became more frequent than ever before. I also got into a bad, one might even say toxic, relationship. My girlfriend had issues on her own, but her behavior towards me was often extremely triggering and I very frequently self harmed because of something to do with our relationship. I do not want to blame her for my behavior, but she often made feel worthless, like I was not good enough for her. She would frequently cancel our dates at the last minute, and when she didn't, she would be half an hour late, and when we were together, she didn't make me feel very appreciated either. I was very much in love with her and always blamed myself for everything she did. She once even talked me into having sex with her, when I had said no repeatedly. She did not accept no for an answer and kept pushing until I slept with her to make her shut up. I felt like I didn't have a choice. She didn't force me to, but she simply did not accept my "no". Anyways, it was not her who took the knife to my skin, but she was a big factor in why I did it. I never told her she was a reason for my severe self harm, I didn't want her to feel bad. I didn't hide my wounds fro. her, I mean we did see each other naked and I always had at least four or five big bandages. We just kinda... ignored that.

So then I was getting desperate and decided to get professional help once again. I went to a free psychiatrist from the student councellors and she prescribed me Seroquel once again. I told her I didn't want to take it because it had made me gain a lot of weight and made me very tired. She laughed in my face and told me Seroquel doesn't do that. I don't know if she was just incompetent or lied to me on purpose, because these side effects are experienced by pretty much every single person who takes Seroquel, they are listed in the information leaflet, and I know many people who have taken this medication, all of them had them. During the appointment, she did not even ask me how I was feeling. She prescribed me 200 mg of Seroquel XR. Now, the recommended starting dosage is 50 mg. She prescribed me a starting dosage of four times the recommended amount. Unfortunately, I did not know that back then, I didn't expect a doctor to be that negligent. I took the first 200 mg pill that very evening before going to listen to a debate. Seroquel XR takes a while to kick in, but oh boy did it kick in. I didn't even notice the tiredness that much because I was having severe heart palpitations. My vision was going from normal to black and to normal again all the time. I was dizzy and desoriented and felt my heart was about to jump out of my chest, and sometimes it stopped beating for several seconds. I legit thought I might die in the audience of a debate on ethical farming.

Of course I didn't take the pills the next day and started looking for another psychiatrist. I got an appointment relatively quickly at a private one, it was relatively hopeless to get an appointment with one my insurance would pay, but I thought if she could help me, money wouldn't matter. She prescribed me some stuff that didn't do much harm but also didn't do much good. basically, i was a little tired but that was it. i got a therapist.

About 9 months passed, I had several psychiatrist appointments where I told her the meds didn't do much good, but she never really changed anything. She also insisted that I would get tested for Borderline personality disorder and the psychologist she told me to go to diagnosed me with it. My therapist at the time agreed with me that there was no way in hell that I have BPD, but she also said that when psychiatrists see an adult who self harms, BPD is the only thing that can explain that for them.

Then fall came and a new uni semester started. I had been alright over summer, I had broken up with my girlfriend, but of course with the start of the semester, everything came crashing down.

I lasted a month in university until i impulsively took the whole pack of Seroquel I still had laying around and went to the hospital telling them i was suicidal and also told them what i had done.

Now, I have to say that the nurses in this hospital were absolute angels. They treated my with respect, I almost felt mothered. I was given a lot of activated charcoal and basically had a good night in the hospital. I also got stitches for my freshest self harm injuries, but I had several ones that were too old to be treated that way.

The next morning I was transferred. Can you guess where to? The mental hospital i had been to as a teen. Again, I didn't have a choice.

But overall, the experience at the emergency ward was not as horrible as the first time. I was an adult now and actually treated like a human person. it says a lot about my first experience that I was very surprised by that.

I felt better rather quickly, mostly because the stress factory university was eliminated. The doctor there again insisted that I had BPD even when I said that was ridiculous. They evalued me again and the psychologist came to the conclusion that I had a borderline accentuation, basically borderline borderline.

The emergency ward doctor talked me into treatment at the psychotherapy ward, so I did that for 8 weeks. it was okay, again I was treated way better than as a teen. I was allowed to have an opinion about the medication, I was even allowed to read the little side effect pamphlets. But overall it didn't really do it, I self harmed less but I still self harmed.

During that stay I decided to drop out of university and start an apprenticeship as a baker. I found a company to work for, I loved work, then Corona happened. The company had to shut down. They laid me off after I had only worked there for three weeks. Basically I fell into a hole again, became a depressive husk again.

Then some time passes and a new therapist asked me why I didn't want to go to university anymore, she basically thought i was too intelligent not to. I told her how I could never focus, how I struggled with procrastination, how I couldn't handle the pressure and she recommended that I get assessed for ADHD. Now, I had suspended I had ADHD for years, but I didn't want to bring it up myself. I didn't want to seem like hypochondriac, or an attention whore, and after all, I had told so many people about my struggles and they never suspended ADHD. But I was relieved she brought it up and I had an "excuse" to get assessed. I was professionally diagnosed with ADHD soon after and happily went to my psychiatrist with my brand new diagnosis, I was full of hope that I would finally be "fixed". She basically told me she couldn't help me because she didn't know a lot about adhd. She prescribed me a very low dosage of Strattera (10 mg) and recommend me a specialist. I called the specialist, but they told me they couldn't give me an appointment and I should call in a few months, maybe it would be possible then.

It was july, and over the course of summer I decided I would try university again. Maybe if I was medicated for ADHD, I would actually be able to study. In fall of 2020, I started a brand new program, something very different from what I had done before.

I realized pretty quickly that the Strattera wasn't helping so I found a private ADHD specialist. I was extremely excited for the appointment. Again I thought "I only have to get through these few weeks, then I will finally get proper treatment" I didn't get proper treatment. He prescribed me more Strattera, which didn't help. The next appointment was a month after the first and again, I was excited. I was sure thia time he would fix me. I was sure after that appointment I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. But again, despite me saying I wanted to try something different, and that Strattera was not helping at all, he prescribed more Strattera.

Then university was getting really stressful, I had exams before Christmas, I was frustrated about him not listening to me. I started having suicidal thoughts again, I even relapsed with self harm, it had been months since the last time. But I more or less got through it in a piece, I even passed the exams (surprisingly), and was again looking forward to the next psychiatrist appointment after the Christmas vacation.

Strattera wasn't doing nothing, but it was not doing anything helpful. Basically, it made me feel quite relaxed, chill, less stressed. Which sounds good at first. But in order to get anything done, I rely on negative motivation. Basically, if I'm not panicking over possibly failing an exam, I'm just simply not going to study. So Strattera took the tiny bit of self-discipline and motivation that I had away and replaced it with a "idgaf"-attitude.Of course I told the psychiatrist. But can you guess what he did? Bingo, he upped the Strattera dosage. Again.

Then I had a second appointment with a new therapist, an ADHD specialist for adults. I told her how he did not care what I told him about Strattera and she was extremely upset and said that I can't let myself be treated like that. I needed to call him immediately and yell at him until he does something actually useful. I was baffled. I am not a confrontational person at all and I had never even considered actually arguing with a doctor. Yes I know, it sounds stupid in hindsight, but even after all that I had experienced, I still naively thought the professionals know best.

Okay so I called him. unsuccessful. I texted him. he ignored me. He had ignored my texts telling him that I was actually worse even before that last appointment, even though he told me to contact him with any concerns, and said that he prefered texts best, I thought he was maybe busy or something and didn't think much of it, but then he was ignoring my calls and texts. I was basically ghosted by a s

psychiatrist.

Okay I thought, then I'll simply go to someone else. To my suprise I got an appointment really quickly. I knew this wasn't a good sign, because good psychiatrists, if there even are any, don't have appointments free that soon.

But still, I had hope. And was of course disappointed again. I went to her with a professional ADHD diagnosis, but for her, that wasn't good enough. She had the audacity to tell me I needed another diagnosis from her psychologist friend who, by the way, has his office in a town over an hour away. She refused to treat me at all until I got that second diagnosis. Now,. I went to her out of pure desperation, out of knowing I simply could not go on like this any longer. Because I needed treatment quickly. And she told me she wouldn't give me that. I couldn't keep a few tears from escaping my eyea, she noticed and said very condescendingly "you don't have to cry, that's normal procedure". I tried my best to fight the tears, but as soon as I left her office, I started bawling my eyes out in the middle of town

And then I knew I was done. I had tried and tried again to get help, and I had not gotten it, I had not been listened to. Something in me snapped right in front of that office building.

I went home and threw my medication in the trash. Sure, it's bad to quit cold turkey like that, but honestly I don't care. I'm done. I'm done with psychiatry, I'm done with doctors. I have had the patience of a saint, but enough is enough. That was yesterday. And today I flipped a coin, twice, once for the psychiatrist and once for the new therapist. It told me to quit both of them, so I did.

I'm done with the mental health industrial complex. It has not helped me in all those years. I have only been sedated. Fuck psychiatry, fuck psychiatrists. Maybe I am simply meant to be miserable. I'll probably drop out of uni again, I thought I would be able to do it with treatment, but I did not get treatment, and I simply cannot do it this way. I've already attempted suicide because of academic pressure twice. Maybe I'll just have to live a miserable life working a low-paying job until I'm sad enough to finally actually kill myself. I'll probably always be a wreck, but at least I won't be a sedated wreck any longer. I'll be free, until I will be free for real.

Thank you for reading all this. I know it was a lot, but I needed to get it off my chest. Thank you.

#anti psychiatry #anti psych #antipsych #mental health industrial complex #long post #tw #cw

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isthatbloodonhisshirt · 4 years

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If you could change ten things about Teen Wolf what would you change??

OMG BUCKLE DOWN BECAUSE IT’S GONNA BE A LONG ONE! Do asks have a word limit? Guess we gonna find out! (Sometimes I wish I could speak these replies, they sound much funnier when I am speaking out loud to myself and then they are just weird and flat typed up but I DIGRESS! I do that a lot, have you noticed? Doesn’t matter.)

(Also, I did put a “Keep Reading” but for some reason it’s not working. Or it’s not showing as working on my end. But it’s right under this paragraph I swear so if it’s not working, that isn’t on me....)

1) SO! Trauma. People be dealing with their traumas. That’d be a thing I’d like, thank you. Like, I’m sorry, but there is a fuckton of trauma in this show and everyone like, goes to bed at night and wakes up cured. Like MAGIC! I mean, yes, I get that magic is a thing in the show (is it? I mean kind of? Idk, I never saw past season 4, they alluded to magic and then SNATCHED THAT AWAY so, side-note, that’s coming up later!) But yes, I would’ve very much liked for people to, you know, deal with their traumas in a realistic fashion. Let’s get some therapy going, or like, idk, some actual negative reactions to thing! They kind of had that with Stiles every now and then, but he seemed to be up and down episode to episode so like, it’d be like they wrote an episode where he reacts to what happened to him and then four episodes have gone by where he’s fine and the writers were like “OH YEAH SHIT HE JUST MURDERED LIKE A WHOLE HOSPITAL, make him have a panic attack randomly over dropping milk, that balances out, excellent, we’re so smart.” So yes. DEAL. WITH. THE. TRAUMA! Thanks.

2) LESS CHARACTERS, MORE DEVELOPMENT! I mentioned this in another recent ask about relationships but like, they just kept shoving characters in there. Like one of those clown cars. So we got like, 30% character development on the core group and then the rest was like “wait, who are you again?” Like, legit, I have a bad memory, you put too many people in front of me, I ain’t gonna remember them unless they have a good personality or a reason to be there. And like, develop their relationships! Not even romantically, but like, Scott’s mom loves Scott, that is sweet and lovely, but like, we never really… see… that… developed? Idk man, like again, I have a bad memory, but when you really develop relationships WELL (ex: Brooklyn-nine-nine), that shit sticks with you and you CARE about people. The friendships are important, and the familial relationships are important and just developing all the dynamics is important! They spent more time showcasing how much everyone hated each other and lied to each other and stuff and that just got really tiring. Yes, you’re allowed to get mad at your friends, but if you’re a Werewolf, and your human friend is calling you when there is a fucking monster running around killing people, can you maybe stop making out with your girlfriend and answer your phone so your friend isn’t treading water with a 200+ pound Werewolf for 2 hours? Like, JUST SAYING! (Spoiler alert: Me and Scott would not be close friends. Like, I think we’d be friends, but not so much that I’d trust him with my life. If I wanted to grab pizza and a movie, maybe play some video games, he sounds like a treat, but if my life was in danger, thanks I be callin’ someone who answers their phone).

3) Actual consequences for their actions! Okay like, I am also guilty of this in fanfic, but at the same time, my writing is free, I don’t get paid for it, and I write what I want because that’s how it works, so I can do whatever I please (If I wanna make the Hales royalty for the millionth time, ain’t nobody gonna stop me!). But like, when you are a legit paid screenwriter who is writing a show? Consequences! Just because it’s a show about Werewolves doesn’t mean there can’t be any consequences! Like, the best scene, and I feel like we can agree, because fuck it like, hurt my soul and my heart and I was just so like ;~; was when the sheriff got fired (fired? suspended? TEMPORARILY UNEMPLOYED!) because Stiles stole a police van when they locked Jackson up in it. Like, that shit was REAL LIFE CONSEQUENCES for actions, and that shit was intense and it HURT and omg I loved it! Give me more of that! Like, I’m sorry, but you gonna tell me Nogistune!Stiles walked through the hospital murdering a bazillion people and not one camera was working the whole time? Not one? Nobody saw that? Nobody went “hey, isn’t that the sheriff’s kid?” Like, CAN. YOU. IMAGINE?! That would’ve been so amazing, a bunch of episodes of the pack scrambling to keep the Supernatural a secret while also trying to stop Stiles from GETTING ARRESTED because saying “Sorry ma’am, I was possessed by a demon fox who likes chaos and thought murdering a bunch of people would be fun” ain’t gonna fly in court and the FBI sure isn’t gonna believe that but like, UGH! Again, bad memory, but was the fact that Dark!Stiles wandered through the hospital killing people EVER brought up again???? CONSEQUENCES. Woulda really liked that.

4) STOP with unnecessary romances. Like, yeah, I get it, the allos like their romances, but shockingly, you can still have a good show without focussing on the romance. Like, it can be there, I’m not saying don’t put it in, I’m saying DON’T MAKE IT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! Like, the entirety of season one was Scott chasing Allison and Stiles chasing Lydia. This… this does not make an interesting show? Like, is that just me? And then as the season progressed, EVERYONE had to be in a relationship? WHY? Again, haven’t seen past season four, but I mean, I know Scott and Kira were a thing, and then Stiles and Malia, and Liam and some… person? Idk. And Ethan and Danny (congrats Jeff, you get to tick your “I had representation in my show!” box, well done, gold star, or whatever). And Isaac and Allison, and Melissa and Chris (apparently?). And then Stydia was alluded as being canon, and Scott ended up with Malia somehow?? And Derek slept with half the town and all of Mexico, idek. Like, stop it. Stop. Shows work without everything being about everyone banging each other. (See again: Brooklyn-nine-nine, or Avatar the Last Airbender, or The Good Place, or even fucking Supernatural!) You can have a good, interesting story without everyone banging each other. It ain’t necessary.

5) More actual storytelling (again, this woulda worked better without the unnecessary romances taking up 49 of the 50 minutes of air-time). Like, yes, I get it, pilot’s gotta have some pizzaz! Gotta be spicy and sparkly to make people interested (and like, fucking hell, all I can remember of the pilot is sobbing Allison soaking wet–LIKE, WAS THAT NECESSARY???–about the dog she hit and oh noes is it dead well thank God the lead character works for a vet! And somehow has keys and access to the whole clinic like nbd at all hours? Whatever. I wasn’t even allowed inside my blockbuster as a shift lead if it was off-hours but apparently a high school student doing paperwork at a vet clinic is different, I’m not a vet so what do I know? I HAD A BAD DAY OKAY, I GOT FEELINGS ABOUT THIS RN!) I went off-topic, what was I saying? Oh yes, storytelling. You know what woulda been nice? Werewolves! It happens, we find out about Laura, we find out about Werewolves, Scott gets bitten, all that jazz. And then like… ease in the Hunters? Like, why was there Laura/Derek, Peter, AND the Hunters all crammed into the pilot? Yes, I get it, you need the SUSPENSE and the DRAMA, but you can do that without the Hunters right off the bat. Just, how CONVENIENT~ that the same day Derek and Laura come back, Hunters move to town? That’s just lazy, and again, I can be guilty of laziness, I admit to it, but I literally get paid in—like, do hearts count? I get paid in hearts and pats on the back for my fics, I can write whatever I want. If you’re getting paid to write something, try a bit harder, yes? Yes???

What number am I on? Oh good Lord, I got things to say, okay.

6) MAGIC! Can you like—I feel like this one is self-explanatory. Stiles did the whole mountain ash thing in season one, and it was SO PROMISING, and then that just died. It died like Maes Hughes getting shot in a phonebooth (spoiler, but really, you haven’t seen that yet, that’s a you problem). Why even bother introducing magic if you weren’t gonna use it? Like, was it because people like Stiles more than Scott and the showrunner was like “nonono. If we make him magic, he’s TOO cool, and then Scott is unimportant.” I mean, you coulda worked that in your favour, but no. You just murdered the fuck out of it, like straight up took it out back and shot it. Like, yeah, Derek went kiddo again and Jennifer was apparently all magic beauty spell or whatever, but like?? That’s it??? You had a show about Werewolves and you didn’t even try to make it more interesting by making some of the characters magic? Lydia’s basically the closest and they didn’t even explain her powers that well. Magic would’ve been dope and they totally shoved that to the side. That was dumb. Shoulda done something with that.

7) Explain things more? Don’t mention them once and then do nothing? Like, we got some brief stuff about anchors, and emissaries (which are super duper secret according to Deaton but then like, EVERYONE KNOWS HE IS EMISSARY SO WHICH IS IT DEATON? YOU TELL ME!) Like, they had so much opportunity to talk about so many things and again, maybe that comes out more in the later seasons, idk, but they likely coulda done with more explanations and they didn’t and this angers me GREATLY. They mention something once and then it never comes up again. That’s some Lost bullshit right there. Don’t start something if you’re not gonna commit. You tell me the beginning of the story, I wanna fucking know the end, don’t forget halfway through and wander away, that ain’t right, I NEED ANSWERS JEFF! And like, as above, never really got Lydia’s powers. I know what a Banshee is, but her powers did NOT make sense to me. Idk, could just be that I’m dumb, but similarly, don’t write something so convoluted that it confuses people, that is also dumb. As dumb as I am so like, well done there. And also do we get more on Parrish? I know he’s a Hellhound, but how does one get born a Hellhound and not know until you are conveniently lit on fire by someone trying to kill you for money? (Also, you bean, you absolute treasure, “I’m worth five dollars?” You’re so cute. Silly child.) I feel like being a Hellhound is something that woulda come up before getting barbecued in his cruiser. Like, he works a stressful job, you gonna tell me not ONCE while getting shot at he didn’t have a massive heart attack over a close call and like, burst into flames? No? Is that just a me thing? I feel like the slightest annoyance and I’d be fully on fire, not gonna lie. (I’d be on fire a LOT… CLEARLY I AM AN ANGRY PERSON! No, that’s not true. No yes it is, I am angry, but more angry lately because I’m sleep-deprived and work is dumb ANYWAY back to this)

8) EMBRACE THE SIDE CHARACTERS! Okay, so MAYBE Scott is meant to be the golden child. The Dick Grayson of the show, if you will. The original Robin, the creme de la creme. That’s all fine and dandy if he is, no judgement (little judgement), but you know what you don’t do when your side characters are getting a lot of attention and love? What you DO NOT do is give them less screen time. Because then you’re being petty and, shockingly, you get more positive results when you give the fans what they want. I’m not talking about pairings, because everyone is different, and you can’t cater to everyone, but like, the more people moved away from liking Scott, the harder the showrunners pushed him into our faces. And like, that isn’t how this works. If I like side character 87 a lot, and the lead’s getting annoying, you know what’s gonna make me NOT watch the show? Cutting out side character 87 (hey, for shits and gigs, let’s call him DANNY, just, not coincidentally at all) and then just shoving the lead into my face. That is what makes someone go “Well, four seasons is enough, I can happily live knowing I didn’t waste my life watching two more of them.” Like??? I’m not saying cut out Scott, because the show is ABOUT Scott, but the more everyone tried to showcase how amazing and wonderful and pure and perfect he was, the more annoying it got? Like, Scott has flaws. THEY ALL HAVE FLAWS! If you don’t admit that they all have flaws, it gets boring, and you hate the characters. I know that Scott turned into a douche later (apparently, again, haven’t seen it), but even in the early seasons by trying to make him this pure True Alpha golden angel child who spreads love and hope and trusts everyone, it just got boring. He was vanilla, and also a bad friend, because he was too “perfect” to be around someone “imperfect” like Stiles, and even like, the rest of the pack overall. He was always put on a pedestal and it made the show really… irksome? Idk, I just feel like yes, SCOTT is the Teen Wolf, but you added all these damn side characters, maybe use them a bit more? At least Stiles was interesting, and Lydia was fucking badass, and fucking hell, if you’d done right by Boyd and Erica, the actors wouldn’t have left for better shows so like, come on man, you coulda done better. We coulda had such a dope show, why you gotta crush my dreams like that Jeff? What did I ever do to you?

I know this is only eight, but this is long enough, if I go two more, this is gonna be IN.SANE. And also it’s late and I haven’t finished my fic for the day (I mean, I’m almost done, but I’m not done yet!) So like, I’ma stop here. But yes, hopefully this answered your question. Sorry I got REALLY PASSIONATE about it but it’s been a day.

Also, I feel this needs to be said, but obviously these are my own personal opinions, and as opinions, you are not obligated to agree with them. But you are also not allowed to tell me my opinion is wrong. You can disagree with it, but this is an opinion, not a law, so there is no right and wrong. Don’t @ me, my day’s been bad enough kthx!

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, BE BACK IN LIKE TWENTY(?) MINUTES!

#not tw #but also kind of #Blood's yakkity yaks #I had a lot to say #it's been a day okay!#Anonymous

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percywinchester27 · 4 years

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@caughtaghostsomehow reblogged this from you and added:

Yeah, I have a theory, Ana. My theory is that you’re a little shit.

I will say, I was waiting for the moment we find out that Sam is his dad but still gasped when it actually happened. I think my brain is fried because of you.

I literally got to this moment in typing out this reblog and just stopped and stared at the wall for like twenty minutes trying to piece everything together and then ended up going back to chapter 17 just to figure out if I’d missed something! You have me reeling, Ana!

I feel like the fact that Max’s eyes are brown is a clue but I have no idea what it means… I think you had too much faith in me when you said I’d figure it out…

I mean, okay. Let’s get our facts straight. The baby that died would’ve been about six now, which is coincidentally Max’s age. BUT we know that they lost their little boy. We know it because the reader heard everything Sam and Dean talked about and they did talk about losing the baby.

Okay… Hold up.

The reader went through a hell of a trauma and we also know for a fact that until she saw Sam and Dean outside and heard them talking, nobody even mentioned the baby to her, understandable in her condition. I’m thinking… After everything she went through, it is very much possible she went through postpartum psychosis, which makes you hallucinate and hear voices and believe things that might not necessarily be real or true…. It is technically possible that the baby survived but she was buried so deep in her grief, believing with everything she has that she lost him that she just couldn’t see reality.

But then why does Sam keep talking about her grief? Grief of what? Losing her ability to have anymore children? I just… I mean this seems like the most likely scenario but at the same time I feel like there’s a puzzle piece missing…

Maybe the missing piece is the past six years of Sam’s life 😂

I literally have no idea if anything I just came up with holds any substance but that’s the best I can do for now. But you bet your ass I’m gonna be thinking about it until the next chapter drops 😅

As for the general reactions to this chapter, I absolutely adore the fact that Pam was teasing her about what happened. Also, a great way for her to find out what actually happened 😂

I’m with Pam, she does spoil these guys way too much.

It was lovely to see her interacting with Max, he reminds me a lot of baby Sam. Really weary about people, willing to stand up for himself and others and an absolute little ball of pure sass 😁

But then to see Sam and Max together… Oh boy 🥺🥺🥺 They’re precious. Sam would be the best dad in the world. Scratch that, he is the best dad in the world. I can’t wait to see some more of the two of them.

Also. I want answers. I know you’ll read this reblog when you wake up and I just want you to know I demand answers. I will be awaiting an explanation after classes tomorrow or else I’m suing for emotional damages and a fried brain 😂

Just joking.

Or am I? 👀👀👀

I loved this chapter, Ana and I love you ❤

I legit burst out laughing when I read the ‘you’re a little shit’ theory. I kid you not. I was cackling like a maniac. It is true, though. You absolutely nailed that theory :P

Okay lets go point by point. About Max’s eyes being brown? Well all of him is somewhat brown. And that is just one of the many colours Sam’s eyes have.

Then the post partum psychosis. They had a lot many days to tell her in the hospital, right? And we know that Sam looked for a lot after she left. But at some point he gave up, right? Do you think he would have given up at all if there was really a kid in existence? And also, when he found the reader in class, he would have sought her out to tell her this first, because keeping her child from her was not something she could forgive. Also, the part where Dean tells him in the hospital that he lost his kid was Sam’s POV, not the reader’s... so that poor thing is definitely lost.

Max is approximately that age thought. So there’s that. But it’s been specifically mentioned for how long Max has been staying with Sam. Maybe that might clue you in. :)

Yeah, Sam’s past has been very colourful indeed... way too many ups and downs there. You’ll get it all soon ;) In bits and parts.

Boy, I love Max! I was dying to have everyone meet him. Even before I wrote this chapter, I knew Max existed... but the fact that he was only in my head was such a bother up until this chapter. When I finally put him into words, it was so relieving. And I’ve written a lot more of him since and of Dad!Sam. He is a great dad! You’ll see.

There’s so much to unpack here... and I can’t wait for you to read it.

Also, bring it on :P I’ll answer everything that you want me to ;)

Thank you for all this investment. It’s making all this writing worth it tbh ;)

#Ana loves Ria #love for allu #Ana replies #you're the bestest #q

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ziracona · 4 years

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Same writing anon as before! Tysm for the long post, it was really clarifying and good to read. It's started having some stuff make sense and revealed some stuff I need to rework. Do you have any advice on writing bare-bones like, general plot lines?

Hey! I’m so glad to hear that. 💙

I’m not 100% sure what you mean—advice on making your plot lines engaging, on figuring them out period, on how and when to structure them, on how to make them original, how to make them further the scenes you want to write instead of just be there as a support column for them, etc, so sorry if I misinterpret this question. I think I’m probably overthinking this, and you just mean “advice on how to come up with them/lay them out in the first place,” so that’s what I’ll answer. Sorry if that isn’t what you meant. TuT

So, writers all have different processes, but for most of us, it is very much not plotline first. Often you’ll get a great vague idea, or a scene you don’t know the total context for, or a character you like, or a finale, or a specific crisis, etc, and start there. Similarly when writing fanfic, a lot of the time you start with a very basic concept like “I want to see these people interact” or “I want this character to get to kill the person who destroyed their life” or “I want C character to get a happy ending,” and you build from there.

Honestly, there isn’t just one way to do structuring that works. Some people like a bare bones outline before they start, some like hugely detailed outlines, and some get a vague concept for how it will end, and then just start writing. And they can all work! I will say though, if you’re writing something heavily solution-based (like your characters spend the whole story trying to escape a sinking ship in the middle of the ocean, or are trying to fix a time paradox to keep themselves from being erased), it’s highly, highly recommended you know what that solution is before you begin. I don’t know that you /can’t/ figure out on the fly, but it will be so much easier for you as a writer to work towards a solution you already have, than to fly blind. Especially because most solution-heavy plots pick up elements to their solution along the way. This isn’t always necessary—like if the problem is it’s a horror script and there is a serial killer chasing them. “How do you kill a human” has infinite answers, so you don’t really need to pick out specifically how your protag finally takes them out ahead of time if you don’t want. If it’s like, Nightmare on Elm Street though, and your monster almost can’t be killed, you really gonna want to know how to put it in the dirt before you start, though.

That said, I’d recommend doing at least a bare-bones outline, personally for anything very long! It’s totally good and recommended even to edit that outline as you go, to add or subtract or alter upcoming content, but I find it helps a lot to have a vague idea of how much is left, and what the next step will be. It’s kind of reassuring. Again though, not everyone does this. Some skip outlines altogether.

As far as plotting itself goes, I would say start, again, with what you want to write—this might seem counter-intuitive, but trust me. Do you want to write a friendship, or a romance, or a personal journey for a character that leaves them feeling whole? Okay, well, even though most of those don’t seem very plot-creating, consider two factors: what would make this thing you want to have happen happen? And why do you want to write this thing?

For example, I wrote a horror comedy feature script, and my initial idea for it was just a gimmick—the main character can hear the OST, and uses that to help her stay alive. Okay, well, what’s the plot to that? There isn’t one—yet. But why do I like horror comedy in general—why pick that genre? Because horror comedy tends to be a deconstruction/reflective of horror as a whole, and a lot of those commentaries are very meaningful to me. Okay, well, what about horror am /I/ interested in reflecting on? And there’s a lot I’m interested in reflecting on, tbh, but at the time, the big answer for me was casual dehumanization. So, I know my topic/theme, and I know I am picking a wild world for that (as in, I want to write about not dehumanizing people, but I’m setting it in a world where the MC can literally hear the soundtrack to her story), but that can help, honestly, because if you can carry your point with a disadvantage, that’s even better. So I know my gimmick, I know my core issue, and I know my main character. Now, if I want to talk about dehumanization, that means it’s got to be what my killer is doing, and to an even more extreme extent than murder in general, so they must know the victims personally. From there, I worked out who would be best to cast as antagonist and a motive for them (considering other people not as significant as them/ethics are just created by humans mentality, justifying murdering even friends in order to gain serial killer immortality fame), and went from there to okay, so how would they (the killer) do this? And there’s a lot of ways to approach that scene detail plotting. Usually, I just kind of daydream. I make a cast first, then try to figure out what scenes would work well, and once I have a couple in line with my whole plot, string together an outline that supports all of them, and from there carve out a solid start to finish storyline—like, uh, like whittling down a carving, or chipping away to make a statue, kind of. Think of the starting process as a little like solving a mystery by taking clues and working through them to the next logical deduction, I guess, haha.

You can start from a bunch of different places though, not just concept/theme. For ILM, my original thought was just, “I want the survivors to get to escape, but HOW could they do it?” And I tried to solve that problem. Once I had a solution, which was genuinely one of the first things I found, I was like, okay, but it shouldn’t just be about that, because that’s got no real meat—it’s just an ending. What else do I want to see in a story about them? And Wraith was my favorite killer by far, so I thought, “I want to see Philip get to redeem himself and befriend the survivors and be kind and happy,” and that was it. From there, I worked out first where I wanted Philip at as a person/his motivation for how he ended up where he was, which plus some research created the resets for him, and then I worked out how it would start for him, if he was going to befriend survivors. I picked out relationships I wanted to see furthered, and decided if I wanted them to get a happy ending in hell and give Wraith redemption and peace, that meant I was writing a hope punk plotline for sure, and then with a basic idea of how I got from A-Z, started writing. A lot of individual plot lines—Laurie, Quentin, Jeff and Legion, Tapp, Anna, etc, I had not worked out before I began—maybe I had a kind of vague idea what I wanted for them (Laurie to regain her will to live and be able to save her brother too/get him to save herself, Quentin to get closure, Anna to find humanity, etc), but mostly I kind of brainstormed each the character arcs when I hit their first POV chapter, and crafted their personal story arcs there, then adjusted some as ideas grew.

Which was a super different process form my feature. While my feature more or less hit “what’s the theme/core concept” right off the bat in planning, ILM was “What’s the goal” and didn’t hit theme really until partway through writing, so the process won’t even always be the same for you as a writer. But I definitely recommend, no matter what you’re starting with, to go about it by looking at what makes you want to write what you are writing. For New Dawn Fades, my initial starting point was literally just wanting to write a scene between Quentin and Joey—that was it. I had no framework, or theme, or story goal—just a scene. But I was like, okay, well, if you need a story to back this once scene and further it, not just give it an excuse to happen, what is the story? Well, the reason I wanted to write the scene was because I liked how Joey and Quentin interacted. Quentin’s a bit of a martyr and constantly overwhelmed with guilt and trauma and had to grow up way too fast, and Joey’s a decent person at heart that has let himself slip way too much into bad territory out of fear, and together, they kind of bring out the best in or for each other; Joey is like, the single most likely character in DbD to be able to remind Quentin he’s legit just a teenager actually and should cut lose and just be okay for at least like fifteen damn minutes a day, and might actually be able to get him to do it, and Quentin’s the right mix of uncompromisingly ethical and genuinely forgiving to get Joey to look at and reevaluate his choices without spiraling into hopelessness and self-hate instead of self-improvement. So the answer was I wanted them to get to help each other. From that starting place, I just kind of went step by step with “Okay, how could they logically meet in such a way they are forced to spend time together and it gives them a chance to reach some of this,” and the rest came pretty easy. A lot comes step by step too, I find, and sometimes I have a whole super solid outline before writing and sometimes I don’t know beyond the next chapter except in the most general of terms. So what I would basically always recommend with making a general plotline is consider why you want to write what you want to write, and move from there to, “Okay well how do I get it.” And that process will be wildly different from story to story, but as a basic start, it helps me a lot. I wanted to see Claudette reach out to Wraith? Okay, why would she do that, and how? How would he react—what are the consequences, both from other people, each other, and the Entity? I guess I kind of go at plotlines like a puzzle. If this happens, what are the characters’ next choices? Which would they pick? And if I know where I want them to end, how do I steer their situation towards that point? For doing this, I highly recommend listening to music and daydreaming/just watching and trying scenes out some in your head. Also, if you get stuck, watch or read similar stories and let that inspire you! I don’t mean you gotta or should like, trace over someone else’s scene or something, but all fiction is intertextual, and that’s a good thing. We write based on our existing knowledge and love or ambivalence or distaste for other stories, and in communication with them, and it can add a lot. Stuff with Laurie & Michael in ILM didn’t end up like a single Halloween film in any of the six+ damn timelines, but I /did/ draw inspiration from the H20 line, and H2, which were the closest those two ever got. Watched the end of H20 and went, okay, if they’d had a better chance sooner, what could have happened, and played with that. Watching a lot of well-made fight scenes is also great inspiration for writing action—highly recommend.

I’m not entirely sure how helpful all of this will be, because plotting techniques tend to be pretty varied from writer to writer, but I hope it helps. If it hasn’t, here’s a quick compilation of more technical-side based tips that hopefully wil:

One technique I see recommended a lot and that can help/has before, is to start with your core concept. Now, I would disagree that you must always start here, but it can be a very good place. The idea is to be able to sum up in one line what the meaning of the story is. Like, for the film Holes, it would be something like, “Evil in this world is caused by treating people inhumanly, and the only way to break that curse is to treat your fellow man with decency and value and love.” Basically every plotline in the film backs this idea—Kissing Kate, who is a kind and happy woman until the man she loves, Sam, is murdered by her town for being a black man in a relationship with her, a white woman. That inhuman act drives her to become an outlaw. You have the Yelnats, who get cursed to be followed by misfortune forever when Stanley doesn’t honor his promise to Madame Zaroni, none of which would have happened if he had listened to her in the first place & not gone after a girl based solely on her looks, or if she had cared who either suitor was as a person, and could have been avoided had Madame Zaroni been more to Stanley than a means to an end. You have a whole cast of delinquent boys being mistreated and not at all healed by a juvie system that treats them all like they’re no longer humans worth anything. You have Zero, not even treated as human by juvie standards because he doesn’t talk, isolating himself—all of which stems from growing up on the streets impoverished with a mom struggling to do her best and failing. Stanley is falsely convicted for a crime he didn’t commit and mistreated over it, and has his life ruined. Even Grace, the main antagonist, is who she is because her family has been obsessed and abusive for generations, and she grew up a tool to her father. Then in the end, almost every one of these wrongs, even the ancient wrong of Sam’s murder, is corrected by people choosing to be better and break—in two cases quite literally—the curses on them and others by just being kind and choosing to love and treat others with respect and care. Stanley chooses to befriend Zero to be nice, and Zero reciprocates. Then when Zero runs off, Stanley runs off to help him because he’s afraid he will die, and simply because he loves him as a person, fulfills his family’s ancient promise unknowingly by carrying Zero up a mountain in search of water to save his life. This gives his family and him luck again, and ends up saving everyone. Zero tells Stanley the truth about himself and stops self isolating and being just sad and alone because he had a friend who treats him with value, all the boys end up okay and semi adopted by Stanley’s family in the end and out of abuse and juvie and treated well and live up to that faith put in them, and justice being finally brought breaks Kate’s curse and lets it rain again for the first time since Sam’s death and gives Kate’s spirit peace. —and that’s the idea. To have all your arcs and themes back your one core concept. Now, sometimes people find this super helpful, sometimes they find it overwhelming, but it can be worth a lot.

Another is to just kind of try the dartboard model, which is getting an idea you like to start with (like uhhh, Dogfighting dog is injured so it is going to be put down, but it escapes it’s master and runs off into the woods. Out there, it wanders until happening on an injured human child). Okay, so the plot is about a dog that has been abused choosing to connect to a human in spite of that, and probably about how the kid survives getting out of the woods with the dog’s help. But what actually happens? Dartboard method is just come up with a bunch of potential scenarios for the two characters and play them out in your head, keep your favorites, and then see if you can find a way to string those scenes together. You like a scene where the dog fights off a mountain lion, a scene where the kid and dog huddle together for warmth in a cave during a storm and the kid gets to be the one doing the looking out because the dog is terrified of thunder, and you like a scene where the kid is walking with a branch to help them keep going, sees a road up ahead which means help finally, but passes out from exhaustion, so the panicked dog has to deal with intentionally attracting the attention of adult humans after the abuse it has suffered, in the hope it can lead them to the kid and get help? Great. Okay, what basic order do these scenes go in, what can fill the gaps between X and Z? A lot of thing, you’ll have fun scenes you end up having to reject, because they don’t fit, but it’s a pretty laid back if chaotic method.

Then of course there’s just the classic. Outline. As in, take whatever idea you have, and force yourself to pitch a complete A-Z set of steps like you’re in a writing class. IE:

Dog is introduced. — Dog is inured and going to be put down. —Owner is distracted by a fight breaking out, and dog manages to jerk leash free and escape. — dog flees to woods. — Dog is alone and skittish. There is a storm and it freaks out and holes up. — Next morning, after the storm, Dog hears human crying & is afraid, but curious. Goes to peek. Sees kid who has must have been out here in the storm because a branch snapped and has pinned them by the leg — Dog wants to help because dog instincts, but is afraid of even small human. Eventually peeks head out. — Kid is terrified too, because scary huge scarred dog and they can’t run. Dog scared because human. — Eventually, kid gets over fear and tries to call to dog, and it comes out. Kid pets it and it’s afraid to be touched, but then accepts the affection. — Dog tries to help kid out by digging their leg free. Kid, who hand not thought of that, helps, and gets free.

(Usually you do this more branching and pretty, IE: Scene 1: Dog is in a dogfighting match.

—1A: Dog loses fight and suffers a bad infury to its eye, making it no longer fight for fights.

—1B: Dog’s master angrily comes to collect them. Dog tries to get affection, but he’s mad at it for failing & mutters about putting it down.

Scene 2: Owner takes dog out back to put down.

But that would take up a ton of space on this already massively long post.). There’s also a more simplified version of this, where you just kind of go like Chapter 1: Dog is introduced, loses fight, then escapes being put down and flees. Chapter 2: Dog is terrified of a thunderstorm and from having been almost killed & forced to fight for so long. Runs out of town to the woods as the storm breaks. Hides out under bush. Chapter 3: Dog wakes up to hear human crying. Goes to investigate hesitantly. Finds human kid trapped unde fallen branch. Kid is afraid of dog, dog afraid of kid, but eventually kid coaxes dog to come over and befriends it. Dog tries to help kid and dig them out, and together they get the kid free from tree.

As you can see, that basically gets the same information across, it’s just much shorter, but also has less solidly set as far as details of how stuff happens. Again though, if you go for an outline method, please don’t feel like you have to be married to it. It’s just a resource to try to help you, not actually the story itself, and stoeiws pretty much always evolve as you go, so it’s normal and also kinda fun and good to have to adjust outlines.

Anyway, this was already a mouthful, but I hope it helps, or at least some of it does! For me personally, the best techniques have always been to daydream scenes and events, and to approach writing things I get stuck on either like a deductive puzzle of “Well if She does This, then her friend can do either X, Y, or Z, and Z makes the most sense. Now, I need to figure out a way for them to escape the building. What are th options? Window, door, roof? Technically they could bust down a wall. They’ll never make the roof in time, so that’s out. They have about two minutes before dying, and one of them is injured, so they can’t go fast. The arsonist is going to be watching the front door and the windows carefully though, just in case, so they need a diversion or—Wait—the cat door in the garage. Perfect.” —or by trying to get very into the headspace of whoever is running the scene, and just literally think through why they want and are feeling and going to do. (Though again, I personally approach writing from a very acting-heavy standpoint). Anyway! Hope this helps some, and you find what works best for you. If you want clarity on any of this ramble, or I misinterpreted the questions feel free to let me know! TuT 💙

#ask #anonymous #writing #writing advice #long post #sorry this is such a lengthy hulking thing—theres jsut SO many ways to do plotting it takes a long time to list and describe even a handful #TuT #hope it helps though

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elixir448 · 5 years

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This past week: A summary

1. We have had an influx of promos over the past few days, mainly compiled of footage from seasons 1 and 2 with some additional unseen footage from season 3 that the fandom has been alternately salivating and freaking out over.

• We have another shot of what the fandom is 100% sure is Rio’s hand, placing a gun (notably not his infamous golden gun) in front of a computer. (https://www.instagram.com/p/B8bs4_9JzuS/?igshid=7jx2mam2rss7).

The majority of the voiceover from Beth is from quotes in seasons 1 and 2, although she does state “This person that you knew, they’re just gone”, potentially in the same scene as in the promo below with the customer.

• Beth is clearly struggling with the guilt and trauma of shooting Rio in another promo (https://ggfanatic0.tumblr.com/post/190764519813/new-teaser), wondering in front of a perturbed customer “It’s a shock when someone dies. The lights go out. One last breath. It’s so weird. Cause like did you ever know him at all?”

• Another promo (https://twitter.com/NBCGoodGirls/status/1225926582839074818) with a voiceover from Rio sent the fandom into a frenzy, as we all attempted to discern what he was saying. Our collective efforts have unveiled:

“She tried to put me away.

But she didn’t think things through.

You wanna be the king you gotta kill the king (1x10)

I know her entire bag of tricks

She’s no good / she’s my girl (You guessed it, we are freaked. It most likely is she’s no good)

But we both know how this ends.”

Could he be speaking to Turner? Or another character?

• A Ruby and Stan centric promo was also released, compiled of footage from seasons 1 and 2 (https://twitter.com/NBCGoodGirls/status/1225926715966255104). While there was season 3 footage of Ruby involved with making counterfeit cash and the girls entering a graveyard with spades, there was no new footage.

• We got our first look at JT in season 3, with the girls standing in front of him at the Qwik Cash counter and him saying “you just levelled up” and the girls laughing and smiling. (https://hereliesbethboland.tumblr.com/post/190709556247/came-across-this-its-not-really-new-hahah)

2. A video where members of the cast (Retta, Christina Hendricks, Mae Whitman, Reno Wilson and Matthew Lillard) answered questions regarding season 3 became available.

• Interestingly, certain segments of this video have the voices of the cast blanked out, potentially due to spoilers.

• A huge emphasis has been placed on the efforts the girls will exert in making their counterfeit cash appear legit.

• It has been confirmed that Ruby works in the nail salon for access to chemicals, Beth in the paper store for access to printers and Annie’s valet job was chosen as she would be in receipt of many $1 bills.

• Reno dropped something interesting when asked why people should watch season 3, stating that “extraneous family members get pulled in”. Could we be meeting the extended Hill family or new family members of other characters? Could this refer to the kids being drawn into what their parents are trying to protect them from?

• Matthew Lillard gushed over Manny Montana. He also enjoyed teasing fans by saying that he knows what happened to Rio’s characters after 2x13, that Beth are Dean’s relationship is “ever growing” and Beansie is sexier than Brio. Lol.

• Mae implied that Annie may be slightly less impulsive and more well-rounded, while retaining the qualities that we love!

• Christina and Mae touched on the topic of when the girls should stop, whether they want to stop and their changing reasons for being involved with crime, with Christina stating that their reasons may be more selfish.

3. According to IMDB, Rob Heaps will play Dr Josh Cohen from 3x02 to 3x11. Whose doctor could he be? Or do the girls rope him into their business?

4. A promotional video titled Rinse and Repeat: Get the Dirt on Good Girls was released, featuring 2 ladies in a laundromat discussing and gushing over the last two seasons of the show, with some additional comments from other viewers in the laundromat.

5. The second episode of The Influence of Good Girls, featuring Manny Montana, and aptly named The Crime King was released.

• Manny said that he likes when Beth “gets the jump on Rio”.

• He views Beth and Rio’s motives as being no different, as he has a son and a family as well. He also feels that just as Beth is enamoured with the world that Rio exists in, Rio is also enamoured by the world she occupies.

• He addressed the car scene between Beth and Rio in 2x12, stating that he thinks Rio both does and does not view Beth as work; he viewed her as work from day 1 but he slipped at some point.

• He discussed with Jenna Bans how Rio could ever work with and trust Beth after the events of 2x13, stating that “the way they wrote it, it just made perfect, perfect, perfect sense” and “it’s so good”.

• He feels that season 3 is on a different level, with everybody going through something different and doing their own thing. This may imply that Rio has a few more scenes outwith the girls?

• His favourite storyline this season is Stan’s and we are now terrified for our favourite cinnamon roll.

• He admires Beth for having the balls to take on Rio and try to take over. “It’s a scary world she’s in.”

6. The third episode of The Influence of Good Girls, titled The Perfect Heist, was released.

7. NBC continues to shock, by acknowledging that Good Girls exists and ramping up their promotional efforts, with billboards, posters and by mentioning the show on their official twitter.

Thank you to everyone who originally posted links to the above information or promo! Also, let me know if I’ve missed anything out!

#nbc good girls #another summary #these are fun to write and i get pretty shocked by how much stuff has been released #bulletpoints and list always help

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lizzybeth1986 · 5 years

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hey! so I had a q about your latest platinum post. the problems with shane's treatment are very similar to the problems with hana's in trr. but i feel like you still love trr despite it and hate platinum for it? i'm not trying to be argumentative i'm legit curious lol. what made you decide to hate the whole book of platinum just bc of the shane issue? i personally think it was way less problematic than many other books and in choices that's usually the best you can hope for :/

Oh I have an easy answer for that. At least on the surface level. Platinum is a standalone, and given that it was mostly outsourced...chances are that it was always intended to be one. Its writers were aware it would be a standalone, at the very least by the MoDA Gala. Which means the writers wrote Shane the way they did knowing they would end this series soon. They didn't choose to rectify their mistakes with him, or involve him more - instead they wrote him out of an entire chapter.

In this case especially, I don't have the time, space and scope to hope the next book might be better, the way I could when TRR Book 1 or Book 2 ended. Up until Book 3, I was able to hope. And in fact when the announcements began to pour in for another book in the TRR series, I was very vocal about not wanting it to return if I was going to be seeing more of the same old shit. So in the case of Platinum, I'm not sure what hope I'm expected to have from a book that is ending even as I finish this ask.

Perfect Match, for instance, was another book I loved. Really loved and really had hopes for. But I'd constantly maintained, by the time it was getting over, it was that their treatment of Sloane - and the fact that Hayden and Sloane never got a real apology from the likes of Damien - that made it impossible for me to love that book the same way anymore. By the time PM ended, it was clear that the team was aware at some point that this was going to be their final book, yet allowed for Sloane's reunion with her mother to be overshadowed by Hayden, and allowed for Sloane's entire arc to be eaten up by, and then revolve around (if single), Khaan Mousavi.

Also...hmmm...I love TRR? Could you please say that to this person, who asked - no, insisted - I stop writing my essays and QTs because they were so offended that I found nothing "right" in the books anymore? Or this person, who implied that because Open Heart and The Elementalists were "worse" in terms of LI balance, and claimed TRR was a "million times better", I should not be complaining. I'd highly appreciate it if you could say this to the anon that tried to bait me and mock me for stating - with proof - that Liam wasn't exactly getting the best deal in terms of story (though better than Maxwell or Hana), and that Drake's eating into space began by Book 2 (I didn't post that ask, coz I don't appreciate that kind of baiting on my blog). There have been people - well-intentioned people - asking me if I could explore more "positives" in the book, just because for them my QTs since mid Book 3 have been filled with (what a lot of people feel is) too much criticism and negativity. I'd love for all of them to know how much I "love" TRR/H.

I've said this numerous times, and I'm running out of the patience I'd need to say it again. My QTs, my essays, and the asks I answer from people who have wanted to get my input, are a resource. They're there so that anyone who is curious about other routes, or about branch coding, or about meta, or who don't know certain characters very well, will have a place to look and know where their questions can be answered.

Their existence isn't a surefire sign that I'm in love with a book, and frankly every chapter of TRH that I'm reading is taking me nearer and nearer to the point where I would rather stop. They're there primarily because I've been looking at the variants in this series for longer than anyone else I know, have analyzed them more than anyone else I know. There are patterns I'm seeing that very few have. And I'm not boasting when I say that - I have actually had people come up to me and tell me they had no clue some of these things were even happening in the series (the treatment for Kiara and Penelope being a prime example).

I know you are asking with the best of intentions...but tbh I don't appreciate people assuming my thoughts for me. Especially when I've been establishing the exact opposite on my thoughts about the TRR series for this long, and especially when I've been speaking about the ill-treatment towards Hana, for way longer and in far more depth, than a lot of people I know.

I'm also a little taken aback by your dismissiveness when you talk about Shane. Perhaps you did not intend it, but "just because of the Shane issue" makes it sound like it's just one little glitch or line or scene and not an entire LI's arc being given dust from the beginning, for a book whose team was aware it was possibly not going to get a second book at least midway (I mean, one LI not getting fair screentime could ruin a player's entire experience of that game). And as if this treatment isn't already a pattern you can see from a huge pile of LIs and characters who have also been given bad treatment. For instance, would you call Xanthe meeting the end that she did in ACOR, "just a Xanthe issue?". Is the treatment for Aurora after she'd been proven innocent in OH, "just an Aurora issue"? Is Kiara's trauma being ignored - and addressed only after she was viewed as a suspect in TRR 3, "just a Kiara issue"? The fact that in recent books we were seeing black women written as stereotypes more than characters...is that a "Ellen" or "Scarlett" issue?? The fact that Dallas' painful arc could be wrapped up in mere minutes in BSC - what kind of issue would you call that? Or - when you put them all together and examine the same thing happening in different ways - do they stop becoming merely "issues" and start becoming insidious patterns? I leave that for you to decide.

As for your last point, that Platinum is "way less problematic" than other books, and that's the best we can hope for from this app...I'm afraid I'm no longer willing to settle like that anymore. I'm not forcing anyone to hate this book - if you like it and it has brought you joy, that's great. But I am not going to sugarcoat my feelings for either books just because of how I used to feel about them earlier. Nor am I going to keep giving PB the benefit of the doubt just because I had done so earlier, and I shouldn't be expected to.

I normally like and appreciate your inputs...but I'm sorry to say I find a lot of problems in this one.

#anti platinum

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myvelouri · 4 years

Text

I'm pissed the fuck off.

I was trying to avoid writing today

I never even wrote about the fucked up traumatic night so this shit won't even fully make sense.

Anyway, fast forward to now. I see her everyday. She's been wanting an answer from me to know if I will say yes to being with her. She told me so many things, that she kept missing me and in her heart she knew she wanted me even when she was with her ex again. She said a lot of beautiful things and I thought for sure it was just a matter of me saying yes I'll take you back or not. I asked for a week of just my own time alone. She wanted an answer so bad. I finally said yes a week after. And she said "what if I said no..." And I'm still fucking pissed at her for that. How dare you. You say you can't handle having to wait for an answer from me because your ex made you wait months and you have some feelings about that, trauma. So I tried to push myself and give you an answer fast. And it was under the impression that you were 100% ready to accept, I mean, it was that you were already all in, you were just waiting for me to say yes. And when I finally said yes, you turn around and say no?

Fuck you dude. What the fuck are you?

And now we don't know what we are. She said she doesn't want to be boyfriend/girlfriend. She wants to take it slow. She wants to be exclusive though. And she says she wants to be sure. Sure of me? Man FUCK you, you realize we were in a relationship for months before you fucked it up and went to an ex abruptly right? You didn't go with him but you got feels and you kept talking to him. You went behind my back. Dude, nah, you fucked UP. HOW IS IS YOU NEED TO BE SURE OF -ME-?? I DIDN'T DO SHIT, IT WAS -YOU-

So I'll summarize that traumatic night. Basically, she was talking to her ex, you know, after abruptly breaking up with me. And I saw her and she picked me and wanted me there, didn't want me to leave, was lovey as fuck. But then she'd go back to him and do the same shit I suppose. One night I hadn't heard from her. And she said she wanted me. But I missed her bad so I went to see her. She let me in. I snuck through her window. She was in bed asleep. I thought she'd be awake. I felt kinda bad. She was moody. She was like "so why did you wake me up??" And I said "because I missed you" and it seemed to just annoy her I think. And this is VASTLY different from how she usually is, she used to tell me to come over all the time, anytime, sneak into her room when she's asleep cause she wants me with her ALL the time and that she'd be so fucking happy if she saw me like that, she'd even PUSH for me to do that. And yet, here we have her, distant, (mind you it's only been days, she legit switched off and into a totally different person in DAYS) and annoyed that I'm here to see her. She loves sleeping on me cause I'm extremely comfy, says every girl ever, I just am, idk why, I'm warm and fluffy. But, she was trying to sleep and we were talking, and kinda joking. I looked at her necklace. She wouldn't let me see it. She hid it. She said please let it go. Let go of the situation I mean. I didn't touch her or anything at all. I was like, why are you hiding it? You don't hide anything from me at all and I'm not used to that... And she wouldn't. It kept going. And I let go. I layed down and just chilled sort of. She said something that hurt me. She looked at me and said "you should wear glasses... You'd be prettier" and my heart died, it's because she has a thing, a huge thing for glasses, I mean HUGE, But why this hurt was because her ex wears glasses and in that moment I just knew she was thinking of him and trying to imply he was better and basically wanted me to be like him (this is fucked up, but also moreso cause she's always said I was way better than him) I sort of just got hurt and ignored it. But then I was going to leave. And she was like "you're really gonna leave just like that?" And she didn't want me to go. So I lay down next to her and hug her a bit. I feel hurt though. But I comfort her a little. A few mins and I just go:

"that necklace is his isn't it?"

"no..."

"He gave you that necklace then, right?"

"no, I bought it myself"

"Okay so, I'm clearly not stupid. Does that necklace represent him?"

"... ... ...yeah... ... ..."

And she was hiding it, really not letting me read it. There was a crown in the middle of the necklace and she was hiding the top and bottom with her thumbs, as if I'm stupid, and she goes "it's just a crown, see?" And I said "yeah okay but what are the words your hiding there?" This happened before. You know, I let it go. She really hid it.

And after she say yeah, it represents him...

I was hit with anxiety. Bad bad anxiety.

It was dark in the room. 4am.

She was sleepy. Her necklace sort of fell out of her breasts. And a glare hit the necklace.

...

I wasn't ready to accidentally read the necklace...

I saw the crown in the middle...

And the necklace read "His Queen"

I died. Heart broke. Bad. After her chasing me so hard, wanting to be with me, reassuring me shit like this would never happen. My heart died. I started shaking. I said "oh shit" just involuntarily, it wasn't loud, I can't believe anything came out of my mouth, it was utter shock, utter betrayal, she's wearing his necklace, she's HIS QUEEN now? And I immediately got off of her and I said "ok no, I'm leaving" and I was shaking. I left through her window. It was too traumatizing to me. It was. It REALLY was.

She later told me she didn't want me to leave but was too tired to stop me. She actually took the necklace off and threw it somewhere. She said she only wore it because she was reminded of how he hurt her. Apparently he has a matching necklace that says "Her King" but he lost it. And that hurt her as well. But I don't give a fuck. This is just the worst.

We were in the midst of a relationship, and you went behind my back and talked to him, got feelings suddenly for him and now you're wearing his necklace, after you took off my bracelet and my stuff. Good. Great job. This is what you promised me wouldn't happen when I brought it up and had concerns about it before getting into the relationship

Godamnit, fuck you.

And now we've been seeing each other. Like, I don't forgive her. But this happened over the span of DAYS and it's been maybe 2 weeks now. She wants me but doesn't. She wants to be exclusive. But wow. She's completely different. She was clingy and lovey to the MAX and she's so distant now

In fact I got her gifts and she got me some too, and I was sweet to her. I got her food last night. We've been having sex too. Um. But today she's been shady. She hasn't been responding much and sort of making excuses that she had a lot.of homework and that she's helping her mom who's feeling sick again.

In my head, she's just talking to someone else. It may not even be nonplatonic, but who knows. Hell she could be talking to her ex again. She said she stopped. but she's such a liar that I don't trust her at all again. Like, nope.

And she's been leaving my shit unread for hours. She video chatted me but got a call from someone else so she had to go. Wonder who?

And I know how available she really IS. cause when we were in a relationship, she'd hit me up frequently no matter what. Even if she was busy. But right now? No response hours at a time? And only short responses like "lol"

...fuck that. You're clearly preoccupied. Totally know it. It reminds me of the time you forgot me because you were FaceTiming another ex early in the relationship. I broke up with you for that because y'all talked so much you fell asleep on video chat with him. That was our thing. I told you I can't be with you, you can do that, I don't want to change you, it's fine, I just can't handle that right now, but you do what you do, I'm sorry, I'm gonna miss you, I just can't" and she freaked out and said she won't ever do that again and she realized it was inappropriate. She freaked hard, she wanted me back and fought to be with me so so hard.

She was really in love with me

I wonder what happened to her. Cause that's not her at all right now.

But yeah

I'm gonna drink. Fuck this shit.

#personal #relationships #heartbreak #heartache

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