#and my flatmates planning to move overseas

[crabs-with-sticks]

The possibility of aromantic living situations

Busy this Valentines Day as an aroace person thinking about the relationship between capitalism, family structures, and property (very normal thing to think about I know). In a book I read recently, The Mushroom at the End of the World; On the Possibility of Life in Capitalist Ruins by Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing, she talks about one of the goals of capitalism is scalability. Scalability is about making sure that a unit can work on every different sized model. Endless growth is an important part of capitalism, and if all your 'units' are the same size, you can easily create the same thing, just bigger, only requiring more of the same parts, rather than creating new parts. E.g. if you have a square block, you can create the exact same shape just bigger (read: making more money) if you have four more of the same square blocks.

The nuclear family is one of those squares that forms the basis of so much of society from housing to child raising to everyday finances. It is no secret that the nuclear family (mum, dad, and kids) is seen as the ideal and moral family structure in most of the west. And colonialism has had a big part in exporting this to other places around the world. But for many people, especially aro folks, this structure just doesn't fit what we want out of life.

And I've just been thinking about how that idea of the nuclear family is related to property and wealth and how it disadvantages queer folks. In the country which I live in, there is a massive housing crisis and owning a house is a pipe dream for many because of the cost. Property is culturally seen as probably the main way in which you build wealth/capital because you don't get taxed on it (there is no property/capital gains tax) and there are SO MANY tax benefits for landlords its insane. So when housing is linked so majorly to wealth and capitalism it makes sense that you would want it to be scalable.

And what is the most scalable living/family structure? The nuclear family. So, since housing is market driven, theres no incentive to create other types of houses/living situations except those designed for the nuclear family. Because property/housing is so ingrained in capitalism, that its an investment, and you want to be going for a big portion of the market.

This just creates an endless cycle of property enforcing traditional nuclear family structures, and nuclear family structures enforcing property. Because there is no incentive to provide anything different and there is limited ability to be anything else. And even if a person, or developer or whatever wants to create something non-typical (e.g. cohousing and coliving, at least in my country) because its not scalable or market friendly, good luck finding a bank to give you a loan, or a developer to work on it, or hell even the government to have proper land classifications to make such a project possible.

It just frustrates me so much as a non-partnering aromantic person because I feel like I have no options and I have to fit my circular shape into a square just so that people can build a bigger model of the exact same thing. And I think its something that we don't talk enough about in the queer community, and that we make ourselves into these square blocks because there is no other way to be, and in doing so just enforcing the very structures that oppress us.

So anyway, rant over. Hopefully my brain dump made sense and resonates with some of y'all. And go read The Mushroom at the End of the World, its really eye opening.

[miapointonsblog-blog]

Who Am I?

1) Past - Significant moments in my life

i) My brother was born in 2003

ii) I moved from my home town of Hamilton to Wellington in 2018

iii) In my second year studying towards a Bachelor of Interior Architecture

iv) Moving into a flat

2) Present - the current impact it has had on me 

i) No longer an only child, have to learn how to get along with a sibling 

ii) Being completely independent, learning how to live without my parents

iii) Learning new skills and knowledge, developing skills for my future career 

iv) Learning how to live with other people, work as a team 

3) Future - Scenario 

i) be a great role model for my brother

ii) Move away from Wellington 

iii) Get a well-paid job as an Interior Architect overseas (Melbourne/London), which I enjoy 

iv) Still be in contact with all of my flatmates and great friends 

4) Proposed actions to meet the future scenario 

i) Keep in contact with my Brother, make sure not to drift away, manage time wisely and work hard so I can be a great role model to him

ii) Save money, make different contacts overseas, plan ahead, so I can move away from Wellington

iii) Make sure that my work is up to a very high standard and that I am proud of. carry on learning and taking advice from Lectures and tutors which will give me a better chance to get a job which I enjoy at a well known Architecture firm.

iv) Be understanding of my flatmate's needs and make sure I am a great friend to them, so that in the future we can still be in contact

[twopoppies]

Do you have any fics where Harry and Louis are enemies to lovers? Specifically where H is in a frat, even has a cardboard cut out of himself(?) and L is into ballet? I've been trying hard to find that one again, but if not I love the enemies to lovers kind of fics.

Hmmm. I don’t think I know that specific fic. Maybe one of my followers will chime in with a suggestion? But here are some other ideas:

Ballet

Hold Me Closer by @balanceds

Louis Tomlinson is one of the most promising dancers of the English National Ballet, on track to become the youngest principal dancer in the company's history. That is, until forces conspire to significantly complicate his life, including: a surprise ballet, an unfairly attractive guest choreographer, and being pushed into a rivalry with his best mate. Featuring lots of wine, dancing, pining, and a happy ending.

Or Brûlant by iris_avis (WIP)

Louis is about to say no. About to politely decline, even though the shock of actually being considered for such a role is making him slightly dizzy. He can’t accept. He won’t accept.

“We accept.” Harry grins, dimple popping in his cheek, a hand coming to rest lightly at the small of Louis’ back. Which, odd. “Of course, we accept. Thank you so much for asking us, Madam.” He bows his head a little and Madam Charee all but preens in delight at his politeness.

After completing his prestigious dance training overseas, Harry returns to England to begin teaching in one of London's elite ballet schools. Only, certain dancers aren't too happy to have him suddenly on board. Or his well-fitted lycra uniform. Throw in some unusual dynamics, tense elevation demonstrations and an unlikely dance partnership, and you've got yourself a pretty interesting edition of Matthew Bourne's 'Swan Lake'.

Or the one where Harry is the new ballet teacher, despite him being younger than everyone in his class, and Louis is less than impressed by his inescapable talent. They sort themselves out eventually.

Hate to Love (a couple of which are also frat boy Harry)

don’t make this easy (i want you to mean it) by wildestdreams

“Harry’s a player. All he does is chat everyone up. And guys like him are just--so ugh. He’s got that arrogant, self-assured smirk plastered to his face all the time. Always smug and stupid, like he could get anyone he lays his eyes on. All he does is make me mad and laugh all the time like he knows something that I don’t. That is so annoying.”

“But that’s just Harry,” Niall shrugged at Louis. “He doesn’t even try to flirt or anything. He’s just naturally charming, but that doesn’t mean he’s a player nor that he’s trying to get into everyone's pants. He’s just friendly. And he likes you. He doesn’t usually fall for people, but he fell for you.”

“Oh, should I feel special then?” Louis asked, snorting and rolling his eyes.

or

Harry’s a frat boy who is head over heels for Louis and Louis wants nothing to do with him.

The Melody You Never Heard by banansandboots

It's one last adventure. One last chance to be young and carefree. One final weekend before they take up their internships, their corporate positions, before they enter the real world, fresh out of university. Niall's his best mate. Liam's been there for him since they were lost, little freshmen, trying to find their ways through an overwhelming first year. Harry can't disappoint them, even if it means enduring four days with Louis.

Louis, who he does share a history with, a history he's never told anyone about, not even Niall, a history he hasn't brought up in three years because it's stupid and embarrassing and confusing.

Or, the one where Harry gets roped into a four-day camping trip with the boy who kissed him and never called back.

Saved Tonight by objectlesson / @horsegirlharry

Harry is the world's most persistent seduction-baker, a questionable dog-sitter, and Louis's biggest fan. Louis hasn't written in years, is trying to pass loneliness off as cynicism, and absolutely hates his fans. It's probably destiny.

Unbelievers by @isthatyoularry

It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan.

Or: The one where Louis and Harry definitely aren’t friends, and football is everything.

To the Ends of the Earth by stylinsoncity / @alienproof

During a yearlong hiatus, Louis visits Harry at his cabin in Idaho, where long-buried feelings ignite like the fire keeping them warm.

You Drive Me Round The Bend by CellarDoor 

In which Louis is a spoilt rich kid who’s always on the phone while he drives and Harry is a struggling musician making his way down the mountain. It’s just a matter of time before they crash and burn.

(One-shot turned into a chaptered fic!)

Empty Skies by @greenfeelings

For three years, Harry has been running from his past. Now, he is moving to London and pledges to fulfil his only dream -- making it big in the music industry. Not everyone has a place, though, and the competition is tough. As is his past catching up on him.

Louis is part of the biggest boy band of the world, and getting there had meant a lot of hard work, as well as sacrificing parts of his heart and soul. He's still happy. Maybe not as happy as he could be, but who is he to complain?

Featuring Perrie as Harry's adorable flatmate, Niall as his manager, and Liam and Zayn as Louis' bandmates.

everything that shine aint always gonna be gold by sarcasticfluentry / @povverbottoms

Inception-inspired AU. Louis Tomlinson is the most respected and skilled extractor in the dream-sharing business; together he and his point man Zayn have been hired countless times to steal hundreds of valuable secrets straight from the minds of CEOs and politicians. One day, a mysterious and wealthy client contacts Louis and Zayn, offering them triple their normal rate in exchange for successfully completing a job that other extracting teams have deemed "impossible." The one catch is that this client wants the very best - so he's decided to team Louis' skills up with those of Louis' most hated rival, another highly-respected extractor named Harry Styles. Can Louis and Harry work together to complete the job and get the payout, or will they lose their minds along the way?

I Will Never Rust by stylez

What was Harry meant to say? Yes Louis, I’d date you. I want to make you come repeatedly so that must mean I have a thing for you yeah? No. Because it doesn’t mean that, because Harry refuses to get attached to anyone he wants to fuck.

or

Harry wants to suck more than just Louis’ blood but Louis refuses to sleep with Count Dickula.

[airbnbfestivals]

Airbnb’ing room while travelling overseas for 6 weeks

I currently live with 2 flatmates, but before 2nd flatmate moved in I used to Airbnb that room. Lots of awesome guests and no major issues so I’ve got the basics down.I’ll be travelling overseas for 6 weeks starting at the end of August and I need to find someone to take my room during that time. I am going to try the local online classifieds, but there’s no special way to title your ad or specifically advertise for short term rental so I might not have any luck with that. As a backup, I’d like to use Airbnb to find someone.My plan is to clearly explain in the listing that anyone who books must be staying at least 4 of the 6 weeks (up to 6 weeks stay, I’ll open the calendar for the days I’m away and set a minimum night stay), be able to check in the day before I leave so I can show them around and answer any questions before I leave (I’ll just crash on the couch before my early morning flight), be an independent traveller, and have at least X amount of positive reviews (normally I’m cool with newbies, but not when I’m not here). I’ll make it clear that flatmates are not hosts and that the host (myself) will not be easily accessible while they stay (can still respond to emails but not immediately) and I’ll leave some emergency numbers for them in case of an actual emergency, and leave an extra key in a lockbox hidden outside (that I’ll only tell them about if they contact me to say they’ve lost their key).I don’t have anyone local who id like to ask to be a co-host. I don’t have family here and don’t want to burden friends (they don’t have Airbnb hosting experience anyway). Flatmates are cool with the arrangement but have their own busy lives and aren’t interesting in being Co-hosts.I plan on creating a thorough house manual for the guest which should answer any questions they have during their stay (hosting for a year has prepared me for all the normal plus the odd questions). And I’ll make sure that they’ve read the entire listing before confirming a booking.Is there anything that I haven’t thought about here? Does anyone else have any experience in hosting from far away? Found here ''' Get $20 off your first AirBnB stay.

[anexperimentallife]

Getting some good feedback on where outside the US to live cheaply but well (as in, not hand-to-mouth). And thank you!

To clarify, my monthly disability payments amount to $1,060 US, and although I hope to start writing and selling fiction again soon, the disability payments are my only guaranteed income. For figuring out cost of living in various places, I’ve been using numbeo.com. I loved when I lived in Germany, and loved Northern/Western Europe in general, but unless my research is WAAAAY off, it doesn’t look like I could live without a flatmate in any Northern or Western European country at this point. So far, the Philippines, Costa Rica, and Panama (and possibly Romania, despite the cold winters) are still towards the top of my list.

*(Here’s their listing for where I’m living now, and it’s fairly accurate. The only reason I can afford where I’m at now is that Maria and I share expenses--which, since we’re breaking up, we won’t be doing once this lease ends. See details at the * at the end of this post.) If the numbeo stat page for your area doesn’t give an accurate reflection of your experience, please let me know.

To clarify some of the things I said in earlier posts, my main concerns about where to live are finances, visa requirements, friendliness, safety, and quality of life...

VISA REQUIREMENTS

One consideration is whether I need a visa, how long I can get one for, and what kinds of visas I qualify for. By checking the official government sites and/or visa application services, I’ve determined that Costa Rica, Panama, a few other Latin American countries, and a couple of Eastern European countries are the only places I’ve found so far where I can qualify for an actual residency visa. Everyplace else, I’d have to make a **“border run” every so often to reset my status. Some places I’d have to do so once a month, others just once a year.

FINANCES AND QUALITY OF LIFE

By “living comfortably,” I mean not having to stress out each month about whether I’ll be able to pay my bills, and being able to afford going out to eat or to a movie or a bar or something one or twice a week for entertainment, indulge in a nice dry red wine or some good craft beer, take a friend out to lunch on the spur of the moment, and so on, as well as being able to keep enough in the bank for emergencies--like what if I develop bronchitis again? There are very few places where I would qualify for a national health care program, and Medicare is only usable overseas in certain specific situations.

Speaking of medical care, not all of my meds are available in some countries--for example, if I move to Costa Rica, I’d have to take a trip up to Panama every month for my pain medication. Not sure what I’d do in the Philippines, but there are some good pain doctors there who should be able to help me figure something out.

Other quality of life concerns are that I’d like to be someplace where the locals are friendly, and where there is a decent arts scene--I’m used to being around musicians, writers, visual artists, academics, and so on. I love being around people who are smarter and more talented than I am, because I constantly learn new and interesting things from them.

If I MUST have a flatmate, I could, but especially at my age, I’d prefer to live alone unless I end up romantically involved again. (Not actively looking or planning for that, but it COULD happen, I suppose.)

I don’t need to live in a huge, bustling city, but I’d prefer to not be isolated in some remote small town, either. I don’t mind tourists, as long as it’s in moderation. The college town where I live now has about 90,000 people, but since we have a lot of immigrants and students from all over the world, it’s fairly culturally diverse, which I like. Although I have a car, I can take care of about 3/4 of things without one, since I’m in walking distance of supermarkets and various other shops, restaurants, bars, and so on. It would be nice to find a similar situation if I can. Oh, and clean air is a plus, considering my respiratory issues. (I know that Manila, which I’m considering, isn’t exactly known for it’s clean air, but I’d be living in Makati City, not smack dab in the middle of the metro.)

NOTES

* Finances in Lawrence: When we were living in a 1BR apartment about a thirty minute walk from downtown, our rent was $550.00--which is a REALLY good deal here--and heat, electricity, water, phones, car insurance, gasoline, pet expenses, and Internet cost us about another $350.00 a month. When we were sharing expenses, we could do that. But on my own, even accounting for only paying for one phone, that would still be over 800 a month, and that’s before taking groceries into account. All it would take would be ONE unexpected expense to put me on the street. I used to be one of those disabled homeless vets you hear about on the news, and I don’t want to do that again, nor do I want to have to rely on food banks or other charities to feed myself. Yes, Maria and I currently live in a bigger, nicer place than we had before, which costs us 725 a month plus utilities for two bedrooms, a garage, and more--and 725 is a REALLY good deal on a place like this--but NEITHER of us could keep this place on our own.)

* * Despite how it sounds, there’s nothing shady about a border run; it’s a common practice for expats. Basically, it just means you have to leave the country before your visa expires, then re-enter to get a new visa. Some places you can literally just cross the border and immediately get back in line to come back in, and other places you might have a wait a few days before re-entry.)

[mjjjj07]

Nottingham Bound

I’ve been successfully living in Nottingham, England for about 2 weeks and really starting to get the hang of UK life! But first let’s rewind to my departure date on Tuesday, September 19th…my lovely parents and I woke up bright and early and departed to Tampa airport around 9am for my first flight TPA to ATL where we hurriedly hugged goodbye for as long as we could in the drop off area. My mom helped me wheel in my absurd amount of luggage to check my bags then I was on my own! I breezed through security and hung out at the gate anxiously watching the screen for a seat to be assigned to me (those of you who have never flown standby don’t know the torment of wondering “Will I make it on this flight?!”. Prior to boarding I was assigned a seat (a middle seat but luckily, it’s a short flight) and started in on my current read, “What Happened” by Hillary Clinton, for a majority of the flight.

Upon arrival in ATL I knew I had time to kill prior to my connection to Heathrow so I made my way toward Gate E and F where international flights leave. After a successful flight I figured I deserved a drink so I sat down at the Piano Bar in the food court area and ordered an overpriced glass of Sauvignon Blanc. While sipping my wine a girl who I presumed was a few years younger than me sat down a seat away from me and asked if the seat was taken. I replied no, go ahead and sit down and we got to talking. Turns out she was heading to Madrid, Spain! My home-away-from-home, what a nice little coincidence. She said she would be flying in and out of Madrid and traveling all over Spain for a span of about a month. I couldn’t wait to give her some tips of what to see and she asked for restaurant recommendations so I recommended La Rollerie which is a cute café where I ate almost every day during my first week located right in Puerta del Sol right in the heart of Madrid! I also told her about how some museums do discounted entry on Thursday evenings. Then I finished my wine, wished her luck and headed to grab a bite to eat and go to my gate.

When I got to Gate F5 there was no one in sight because I was so early so I plopped my stuff down, snacked on my veg subway sandwich and anxiously waited for my departure. Last time I left the country I talked to my sister Shelyah who calmed my nerves by saying how proud she was of me and that she believed I would be very successful and this time I talked to my sister Maddie. We talked about our days, reminisced a little, and talked about her coming to visit me in England. By this time people had gathered at the gate and the gate agents called my name to come up to the desk. When I went up to the desk I found out I was upgraded to first class! (One of my flight attendant friends told me first class seats cost $8k… holy crap). I was flying overseas in style! As I boarded I sat down and was immediately offered champagne which I humbly accepted 😉 The rest of the flight was pretty relaxing. We departed the east coast around 6pm and were set to arrive in London at 7am local time. During the flight I watched movies, listened to music, tried to sleep (which is difficult to do even in the fully reclining seats in first class), and of course ate and drank lots of yummy food and alcoholic bevvies. Landing in London was smooth and we were served breakfast but I was exhausted because  I had slept about 2 hours during the flight.

Customs was an absolutely ridiculous experience because they herded all the students like cattle into a blob of a line which took probably just short of 2 hours to wait in but I met a nice undergrad student who was from Malaysia. He told me when he went to New York and was unfortunately one of the detainees at the airport after Trump’s inauguration. He said they held him for 9 hours, took his phone, and didn’t really tell him what was going on. He said he was relieved to be released and able to call his family and even in spite of that he enjoyed his time in the states. I apologized on behalf of all Americans who didn’t vote for Trump (and the ones who did) and explained I was glad to leave the country for a year to escape the divided country America had become in recent years. After finally making it through customs and grabbing a cart to collect all my bags I decided to head toward the underground. It felt like I walked about 2 miles through the Heathrow airport with my stupid and heavy luggage cart until I realized riding the underground would be nearly impossible with all my luggage and being tired and cranky I decided to bite the bullet and see how much a taxi would be to get me to the St. Pancras train station where I had booked a train ticket to take me to Nottingham. Since I didn’t have a signal on my phone to call an uber - I didn’t have many other options. The taxi driver said it would cost me 80 pounds ($110) and be an hour and 15 min ride. I agreed and just put it on my credit card...ouch. I fought sleep the entire ride to the train station and then awkwardly struggled to drag all my luggage inside. I got directions from a nice policeman to the correct platform and there was wifi in the waiting area so I texted my landlord Sarah that I was in London. She said she would pick me up at the train station in Notts and bring me to my flat. All of this went as planned and when I finally got on the train I passed out dead asleep only to be awakened 15 minutes later by the ticket checker poking me…*Ticket please*… Oh here you go I said and then went back to sleep. Nottingham was the last stop on the train and when I unloaded everything I only had to wait a few minutes before Sarah arrived. The drive was quick to my flat which is in a small gated community of brick flats which mainly house students. Since I was the first one to arrive she let me have my pick of the girls’ rooms and I chose the biggest one 😊

The next day I decided to walk to campus for international student induction and random errands I needed to run. My first day was a HOT. MESS. I literally walked 10 miles trying to find my way from home to both campuses. Even using Google Maps and a campus map was confusing because some buildings have the same names. After getting good and sweaty, asking for directions umpteen times, and finally getting cash out so I was able to take the bus home later I actually made some progress on the errands I needed to accomplish which was picking up my Student ID card, BRP card (local English ID confirming visa status), and a schedule of events on campus.

A few days later my roommates started moving in (3 guys and 2 other girls). Mattia was the first to move in, he is Italian. Then Fran (English girl), Tom (English guy), and Max (German guy). And finally, Lauren (English girl). All of us get along very well so far and even ran some errands together to get some things for our bedrooms to feel more at home. I got “fairy lights” (which are just fancier named Christmas lights), a small purple lamp, and paper lantern to cover the naked lightbulb hanging from my ceiling. My room is pretty cozy now and even better that we have heat! All of us roomies get along very well and just had a successful “movie” night where I invited my course mates over and my flatmates joined us for pizza, wine, and snacks in our lounge. It was loads of fun and we all got along well with each other!

P.s. I booked my first adventure to Berlin, Germany on Nov 3-6 and some of my friends are planning to come too! Very excited to have a few getaways during my year abroad!