#and no one has any ethical problems with admins doing so

[hybbat]

You know a world where your ability to carry something is determined by quantity rather than size or weight is very easy to accept in a video game, because of mechanical convenience, but would probably be so strange in a story in any other medium, and I think a few more books and shows could stand to get a little funkier with the fundamentals of their reality like that.

[stuffforthestash]

Modern Academic AU pt2

Originally started because Professor Raphael got stuck in my head and I had (foolishly) hoped if I wrote down some thoughts, that would be the end of it 🫠

Part 1 and Part 3 ------------------------------ Minthara - School of Law. Used to be a high profile defense lawyer but was barred from practice under questionable circumstances, so now she teaches courses on criminal procedure and domestic violence litigation. Male students are actively warned against taking any of her classes. Elminster - Liberal Arts Dean. Has been in the position forever and is something of a legend at this point. He's Gale's mentor and long time family friend, and he delights in showing up unannounced to Prof. Dekarios's lectures. The two of them have a longstanding tradition of leaving surprise pranks in each others offices. Rolan - English department. Newly upgraded from adjunct instructor to junior full time staff, he's been assigned the special hell of having to teach the general ed. introductory writing courses that none of the other faculty want to deal with. He hates it and thinks it's a complete waste of his talents, but is determined to stick through it long enough to get that research grant. Alfira - School of Theater & Music. Teaches vocal technique and musicality at every level. She's also the faculty coordinator for multiple on-campus performance groups, directs the university chorale and composes all their arrangements, is herself in a local acapella group, AND does community arts & outreach programs for kids.

Gortash - Newly appointed Dean of Information Studies. He's brilliant, he talks big about new frontiers in infosec and grand designs in the future potential of AI... and is already under investigation by the ethics board for misappropriation of university funds. Ketheric - VP of Alumni and he's been with the university longer than Elminster. Nobody knows why he hasn't just retired yet, despite how much he seems to hate his job. Orin - School of Fine Art. She "teaches" a course on performative art. It's weird and extremely uncomfortable for everyone involved, but for some reason people keep enrolling. Durge - Fine Art Dep't Chair. The deeply disturbing nature of his personal art aside, he's actually good at his job as both the chair and an instructor. Mostly teaches anatomy and live model studio courses. Ulder - VP of Public Affairs. He's a great public face for the university, everybody loves him... except the son he refuses to acknowledge after a falling out years ago. Mizora - Human resources admin. Loves her job because it gives her power over other people. Is more likely to be the source of an HR complaint than the one who actually solves the problem. Thaniel (as requested!) - Also HR. He's the one you hope gets assigned to whatever you need because he's great at it. Is also the only one who can reliably get in touch with Halsin; it's not well known that he can, so he'll usually agree to help those who figure out to ask him.

------------------------------

This started going long, so it looks like I'll be doing a third (and probably final?) installment to cover Dammon, Zevlor, Wulbren, Aylin & Isobel, and any other requests!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

🎪 WIBTA for telling the truth about certain work-related skills I have?

There’s a LOT of backstory to this. I will be keeping it as concise as I can, but note that this is FAR from an exhaustive list of details.

I (20sNB) do a lot of theatre-related contract work in my hometown and surrounding areas. My background lies very much in the circus I grew up in (since I was 6, so it’s been a pretty considerable percentage of my life)—I do a lot of stilt walking, clowning, balance stuff, etc, and whenever I help train new people in power tool use/concession stand running/rigging/other stuff it pretty much always lets slip that the circus is in fact where I learned most if not all relevant skills that I use for that kind of job. Unsurprisingly, they often want to hear details about my pretty unique backstory.

However, my relationship with said circus has soured rather considerably over the past few years. I finally decided to fully cut ties a few months ago, and multiple people who have been in my life for a very long time had been encouraging me to do so for a number of years, so I was very supported when I did—but it still hurt a lot to actually do it when I had been there for basically my whole life. The vast majority of people there (coaches, riggers, fellow performers, etc) are people I was very close with and care for deeply—my issues with the organization lie very specifically with a few particular people who are unfortunately the ones on top. I no longer feel particularly welcome to go back there, and in all likelihood won’t be seeing most of them again. I’ve been trying to make my peace with this.

(For a little context surrounding my departure—this circus’ artistic director has had a HUGE favoritism problem for as long as I can remember. I was never a favorite. The executive director liked me quite a lot for my work ethic, and actually hired me on as staff on top of being a performer when I was 16, which is where I learned a lot of what I know about things like concessions and running crew and the like—but he was never the one making decisions about shows, and I was often belittled or downright dismissed by those who were. The incident that had most of my loved ones encouraging me to walk away happened earlier that year, when a rigging accident left me with a permanent injury that still often visibly debilitates me to this day—something else the people wanting to learn about my circus background will sometimes ask about. But I didn’t want to leave, because there was really nowhere else I could get the community + training and performing experience I was getting there, and I know full well that it was purely an accident. However, I was never satisfied with the way the organization handled the incident, and this was far from the only time I’d been dismissed as a person there—several adults in my life even compared my treatment there to an abusive relationship, and though I did not see it at the time, hindsight has me beginning to agree with them. The specific incident that finally got me to leave was probably less of a big deal than that injury was, but other factors since then had me considering leaving for quite a while before that finally happened anyways.)

I don’t really think I’m TA for leaving, even if I did do it rather abruptly and had a ton of responsibilities there that surely got dumped onto somebody else—if these new directors couldn’t even be bothered to actually ask me to reconsider, instead of just having someone from admin do it on their behalf, they probably didn’t feel all that betrayed anyways. Here’s where I’ve been running into a lot of issues lately: even though I no longer affiliate with said circus, the people who I now work with in other organizations often ask me about my involvement with it, usually because they’re interested in becoming involved themselves. I’m finding that over the months since I decided to fully sever ties there I have not been feeling any better/less raw about it at all. On the one hand, I am very tempted (and would probably find it rather cathartic at that) to warn them away from spending their time with that place specifically, for the stated reasons. On the other hand, I spent the vast majority of my life so far growing up there, there are several people still there for whom I care very deeply, and I do think it’s overall a good organization that serves (most of) the people it reaches super well—I would definitely not be the person I am today without it, and I just can’t bring myself to badmouth the entire organization for the actions of a few specific people when I know they’re always hurting for staff and the like. Unfortunately, it’s pretty much impossible to talk about my involvement with them without bringing up the circumstances of my departure, especially when people frequently ask why I would leave a place I otherwise speak so fondly of.

At this point, I think it would be much easier for me (and cause a lot less heartache overall) if I just made up some different kind of backstory of how I learned all my circus skills—but on the other hand, that’s super dishonest and I don’t know how long I’d be able to keep up a lie with any complexity to it. Is it the less assholeish move to simply tell the truth? I’m really struggling to think of any alternatives to just super awkwardly changing topics as soon as anyone compliments or asks about what I do, which probably doesn’t reflect well on me in the long run when I’m trying to rebuild my network from the ground up.

What are these acronyms?

[360degreesasthecrowflies]

Quite a sobering mood today, trigger warning death mention in this post.

===

My colleague who is to be fair a woman a little older lost her sibling today.

What gets me though is that this woman had a lot of holiday time saved up and DIDN'T use it to spend time with her sibling just in case. She didn't think about taking a leave of absence or quitting her job. She literally worked all over Christmas.

She isn't someone who needed the money, particularly. Most years she went on multiple international holidays including cruises etc. I guess it's possible she had some secret problem or debt she needed the money for, but...

It just strikes me that modern work ethic in Tory Britain did this to her. Shaped her into the kind of person who wouldn't take time off work EVEN WHEN IT WAS PARAMOUNT, it's there for you to use WHEN YOU NEED IT, WHENEVER THAT IS - whether it's to take a trip or to help yourself recover or for any reason, it's none of the employer's business! - and as a result now she has empty vacation days to take later this year, but is down a family member to spend them with.

Let's not leave the NHS out of this, how the Tories have left it a shadow of what it once was after the triple whammy of cutting recruitment of doctors and nurses, abusing the ones who stayed by underpaying and overworking them, and generally stopping a lot of regular services for no reason during covid instead of compartmentalising hospitals or reassigning certain tasks to medical centres so as to avoid a backlog building up of treatable issues which can then spiral out of control if not caught and zapped early.

An early scan might have saved this person's life. And at the very least, an environment where time off work wasn't looked down upon and frowned upon by some twisted Puritan ethic from centuries past when even then it was an instrument of social control, might have helped her maximise the time they had left together instead of spending her sibling's last few months on this earth doing busywork office admin that could easily have been deferred or delegated.

It's not only sobering, it's frightening. They don't just want us cowed, they want us to become compliant in our own oppression and to sign away our own freedoms.

[cryptid-cubone]

Yesterday my bosses threatened to fire me and were clearly scraping the bottom of the barrel to find any excuse to do so at this point. The best they could come up with was "you only do your work on time, or only a day or two early" which in itself is a ludicrous statement but the unspoken implications are clear: they expect martyrdom. They can't outright ask you work a bunch of un-paid overtime, but we can ask you to comply with ridiculous deadlines and nit pick at you until you knuckle under.

Just ignore the fact that they have lost 7 employees in less than two years, "we can't stop people from leaving, that's Healthcare for you" well at least 3 have cited the managers attitude specifically for their reason for leaving.

Just ignore the fact that we can't actually get replacements for those workers, and that the only reason we filled the last two slots is by hiring our intern and moving admin into case management with no experience.

No but no problems with the system or this company, clearly something is wrong with me and my work ethic.

So I quit. I put in my notice to the ceo and supervisors and told them they had a month to replace me. You'd think it would be professional to respond with at least a "thanks for letting us know" or anything but nope. Radio silence all day, except to complain about the 75 buck milage reimbursement I asked for.

Fuck them. They should be grateful I didn't leave today.

I'm so tired. I have been doing social work in some capacity since 2014/2016 and every job has been a mess of poor management, constant turnover, and insane expectation.

On top of it all, I am the one still feels like he failed. I'm the one who hates his fucked up brain for going into a detail oriented field with ADHD. I am the one feeling guilty for saying "fuck it I tried" at a job where I'm supposed to help people.

Am I selfish for wanting basic good working conditions? To not want to trade sanity and happiness to appease productivity and beaurocracy?

God I'm tired. And tired of being angry and tired.

[tobi-smp]

with tubbo and ranboo making their marriage plot harder and harder for those poor wiki admins to deal with, I think there’s something that worth’s keeping in mind as we talk about the ethics of what’s going on.

the problem here is that Because of the medium they’re using to tell the story, the line between character and content creator is blurrier than other types of media. when we look at something even like the adventure zone, where we’re watching people roleplay their characters and have bits of their real personality bleed in, we still don’t have people looking at taako and kravitz’s relationship and calling it incest. because taako is an elvin wizard and kravitz is a lich, there is no point in which we think of them as being one and the same with the mcelroy brothers.

the line between “canon” and “non-canon” is blurrier in the dream smp because people aren’t strictly roleplaying at all times. this can make fan content trickier than it would be in other contexts (where’s the line between rpf fanfic and dream smp fanfic? if you’re writing a modern au where the characters are streamers is that a fun meta reference or have you blurred the line too far? that’s honestly up to personal taste and interpretation). and of course there just Is rpf in and around the fandom, which makes even non-rpf potentially uncomfortable.

there is, however, still a line.

at this point, we have to acknowledge that there is a difference between tubbo and ranboo the content creators and streamers And tubbo and ranboo the ex president and half enderman hybrid who married for tax benefits but (apparently) fell in love for real and have an adoptive child together. otherwise we have to question whether Any fan content about them and other characters is ethical on the grounds of the characters being depicted being real people.

now, before I continue I’m gonna lay out a few things

- I do think the cc’s personal wishes and comfort levels come before anything else. for instance, schlatt and wilbur are uncomfortable with there being content that ships them together, so the question of whether shipping them is ethical or not is already answered with a hard no. we should respect the cc’s when they give us a boundary.

- none of this is in the context of n$fw. that’s a totally separate can of worms and one I am answering with: personally n$fw in this fandom makes me deeply uncomfortable because of what I laid out but I am not opening a discussion for it here because I do not want to talk about it. that’s a boundary that I’m going to ask people to respect because of My comfort levels thank you.

but okay, none of this is me saying that anyone has to be comfortable with anything just because it’s Adjacent to something uncomfortable rather than a pure parallel of it. but I think the way we’ve been talking about it has backed us in a corner because of the way that canon has been going (again, thanks a lot ranboo and tubbo).

framing it Solely as an issue of shipping minors creates two major issues:

1: the disconnect between character and content creator makes this difficult both because of the ways that fiction works and because of the ways canon has gone. there’s nothing inherently morally wrong about shipping Characters who are minors (again, as long as nsfw isn’t a part of the equation) because they don’t exist. it isn’t inherently immoral to say that connie and steven universe would make a cute couple. and of course their canon relationship has created a situation where they’re canonically In a relationship that a lot of people, even the wiki, don’t feel comfortable acknowledging.

2: the more important issue for me is that on it’s own it’s a ticking time bomb for an excuse that I frankly am not ready to deal with. tubbo and ranboo are only going to be minors for so long. if the only discussion we allow ourselves to have about it is that they’re minors so it’s inherently wrong, then in a year or two we Will have people saying that they Aren’t minors so it inherently Can’t be wrong. we Need to have a more nuanced conversation so people can’t take advantage of a Lack of nuance in the future.

so here’s my hot take: content creator’s comfort levels and consent comes before all else and emphasizing the line between canon and non-canon is both a Healthier way of consuming media and will go a long way in making this conversation easier to have. moreover, you’re allowed to be uncomfortable with Anything whether or not it’s “objectively” a moral wrong. it’s okay to say that you don’t like seeing them in that context whether it’s canon or not.

[classicbarbie]

Princess Charm School MUN

Okay, I did model UN for 6-ish years?? So I HAVE to go all out on that Princess Charm School Model UN au.

Listen. Delancey would apply for Security Council every conference. She’d want the superpower delegation and Dame Devin would want her to be a superpower delegation. 

Blair would go for either GA3 or the Human Rights Committees, but Miss Privet would put her in SC to make her step out of her comfort zone~ and all. 

I know that Delancey and Blair became friends at the end, but imagine they were still rivals. 

Okay, now imagine Miss Privet making them a double delegation together!! Chaos!!

Hadley is definitely an ECOSOC person, no hate but it’s the most boring committee, I’m sorry. If she’s lucky the agenda might be about sports.

I can see Portia joining the Environmental Commission and absolutely destroying it. In the best way. 

I once went to a conference where the EC apparently debated over the ethics of android babies and I’m sure she’d love that.

Isla’s a wild card. I think she’d unexpectedly enjoy the topics in the Disarmament Commission or GA1, but she switches around. My bet is she prefers being admin or press, working behind the scenes ya know. She just doesn’t like the heavy debate so she might even prefer chairing if she can.

I don’t even have to mention the MUN fashion, all the girls would look STUNNING.

Portia comes in wearing 6-inch heels and takes them off 10 minutes in. She spends the rest of the conference walking around barefoot.

Blair is the resident band-aid bringer for the blisters.

Hadley gets called out for not following the dress code. It’s because she’s wearing sneakers.

Delancy in a suit. That’s it.

The actual debate.

Delancey

Delancey is a power delegate. Doesn’t matter if she’s a superpower delegation or not, she still acts it. 

Mad debate skills. Has made several delegates cry.

She submits the longest amendments for her own resolution, no one knows how she types them out so quickly.

If she’s a P5, you can bet she’s practically exploiting the veto power.

She is feared, admired, and despised all at once.

Just kidding. No one likes a veto power exploiter Delancey, baby.

Says ‘present and voting’ during role call to assert dominance.

I already said this, but she bashes every resolution that isn’t hers.

Definitely ripped someone (Blair’s) resolution at the podium.

Always tries to motion follow-up and right to reply but gets denied by the chair.

Will call a motion to divide the house if she feels threatened.

Blair

Blair turns up over-prepared.

“Yeah, I just wrote a couple clauses, it’s not that good, I didn’t do a lot of research.” *pulls out a 6 page resolution*

She lobbys with the shyer delegates - she’s not here to win Best Delegate.

Probably wins best delegate anyways.

The chair appreciates her constructive arguments and amendments.

Hadley

Hadley starts creating problems on purpose just because she’s bored. Being in ECOSOC will not stop her from declaring ww3. 

The delegates are always calling points of personal privilege due to over-audibility when she starts talking into the mic.

Yes, she’s a speech screamer.

“Is the delegate open to any POIs?” “No.”

The person who shouts “motion to move to the previous question” every 10 minutes.

Loves being DPRK and plays the role to a T.

She would LOVE a crisis event.

Here for the socialising and real-life tinder, not the debate.

Wins the most likely to go to jail award and the most likely to start ww3 award.

Isla

If Isla’s an admin, she’s THAT admin everyone is crushing on.

They specifically call her over to pass notes but the note is for her.

She wins the cutest delegate award. Half the confession box notes are about her.

Answers with “the delegate will reply in note form” and actually does it.

She definitely gives me more student officer kinda vibes though. Like she’d be more interested in the outcome of the conference and the actual topics than the debating.

I’d even go as far as to say Secretary General Isla.

Delancey would be jealous but deep down she knows she loves the debate more.

Portia

Portia...

Where do I even start.

The chair, in tears: “Delegate, please refrain from using personal pronouns.”

You can convince her to become a signatory to your resolution for a bagel.

Has a clause about raising awareness that fills half the page.

Pronounces DR Congo as ‘doctor congo’

Look, she’d have the most absurd solutions but they would all also work?

Forgets her placard at the podium.

Asks POIs that have no relevance to the speech.

Probably thinks that the delegates are actually from the country they’re delegating.

Wins best hair.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

The Bias of Body Language

By Admin 1, with help from Admin 2

“About social media…it’s easy to interpret. People think they’re moral or ethical. They talk about themselves thinking they’re logically perfect. In fact, in a relationship, even my mother doesn’t know me, for example. About Yoongi or Hoseok who have lived with me for 10 years, it’s hard to say I know them well. Do I really know the person? It’s hard to know myself. “I know him and he’s like this”. “He’s such a person”. I thought this is quite dangerous.”

-- Namjoon, vlive “Namjun’s 7 Behind”, 57:30 onward

Everything in our life is centered around biases, preferences, our partiality toward everything, regardless if it’s about big or trivial matters. Instead of having a single cellphone model for everyone, you can choose one based on your bias. Walk into a fashion store and depending on your bias you’ll gravitate toward darker clothes, longer dresses, shorter skirts, pants, and so on. Someone could present you the very same dress but in two different colors and despite them being exactly the same, your bias, your preference, will dictate that you’ll think the yellow dress is hideous while the black one is gorgeous. Yet the next person might think the exact opposite.

If that weren’t enough there’s also something called a confirmation bias, which is characterized by a tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms or supports your prior beliefs or values. Both these things, our bias and our confirmation bias, are something we come across and tend to apply to content, in this case, BTS content specifically, and how we view and interpret body language.

Have you ever noticed how when it comes to certain scenes, moments, and/or interactions, suddenly there are thousands upon thousands of body language specialists within ARMY? Suddenly everyone will try to convince you that “based on my experience as body language expert/someone who’s amazing at reading body language this interactions means that”, coming from people who prior to it might’ve never mentioned being such expert or who are plain wrong yet try to convince you otherwise to feed into their own confirmation bias.

Interesting though is the fact that claiming that you’re able to interpret someone’s body language in an infallible manner based on a three-minute video is, to put it lightly, plain wrong and impossible at that. In order to do something like that you’d have to study that person 24/7 in every kind of situation imaginable, take note of every minute detail, interpret it all and, on top of all that, be able to have a conversation with that person to ask them to confirm or deny your theories. Once you’d have all of that, you’d be able to attempt a proper body language reading, and chances are you might still not get it right each time, or at all. Every person behaves a little differently, has their own behavioral pattern, things characteristic for them, and acts a certain way with different people and in different situations, so just because you can read one person right in a singular given situation, doesn't mean it’s the same for every person and every situation.

An example I find very curious is Jungkook during their most recent performance of Life Goes On at the GDAs. When you watch it, you’d think that yes, he liked the miniature set of No More Dream, but that’s it. He was calm, focused, professional. And yet when you watch the behind the scene glimpse at the performance, and watch him specifically, you notice that he was constantly focusing on the set and having to stop himself from messing with it. (x)

What does that tell us? Easy. We only see small glimpses of BTS, of their behavioral patterns, and even the things we do see are polished, controlled, and not entirely natural, so to speak. That isn’t a bad thing by any means, it’s what you’d expect of a professional performer who still is a human like everyone else.

So, if we get body language wrong with something like that, how can these “experts” be sure their interpretations are correct? Even more so when you take into account that every person has some sort of tic, or a number of them. It can be something like absentmindedly playing with a ring, licking/wetting your lips or biting them, scratching or messing with the cuticles on your nails, tapping your foot, or a million other things. There’s also cultural influences/norms that shape certain behaviors in ways someone from another culture might not understand or will interpret completely differently since it means something else entirely in their culture.

And here is where a lot of people, these “experts” as well as those unable to put aside their bias and confirmation bias, go wrong.

More below the cut:

To preface the next two sections, a little disclaimer: I don’t mean to badmouth people like this, after all putting aside these biases is tricky and staying objective about something you’re passionate about is a hard thing to do, as well as distinguishing between an objective observation and a bias one, but it doesn’t change the fact that sometimes people purposefully present their bias opinions as facts. That doesn’t necessarily cause issues, but sometimes it can have a very negative ripple effect that can affect and influence others, taint their opinions and cloud their objectivity when it comes to certain things.

That’s when it becomes a problem.

Section One – non-shipping related interactions between the members

You’d think this would be the more unproblematic section, but turns out it isn’t, though it’s problematic in a different way. While most casual fans or OT7 ARMY watch and enjoy interactions between the members without looking too deeply at them, without analyzing and trying to interpret things, therefore leave aside most biases, there are others who do not.

OT1s for instance go into Episodes, Bangtan B*mbs, or RUN with a bias and a need to feed their confirmation bias, be it by finding “evidence” to prove that their fav is being left out or is mistreated or a plethora of other (usually) negative ideas. People like that don’t watch interactions as just friends trying to make each other laugh or playing off of each other, but instead look for things to get upset or up in arms about because their bias going in is that their fav isn’t happy (because that’s what they want to be the truth in many cases).

Or a situation where a member might be a bit more quiet or stiff. Quickly “body language specialists” jump in and interpret this as that member being unhappy, being overworked, wanting to quit and not getting along with the other members, being bullied or silenced by them. When in reality it’s far more likely he just wasn’t feeling well, was tired or maybe his back hurt. But rationality has no place in a bias view, when the sole purpose for that person to watch that content is to find evidence that feeds their confirmation bias.

You could argue that maybe those people are simply looking out for their fav, just want what’s best for him and that they mean well, but do they really? How come those without that narrow bias lens see the same interaction completely differently? If those same people would take a step back and switch from their bias lens to an objective one, would they still see all that negative “evidence”? Chances are they would not.

Section Two – Shipping related interactions between the members

The irony of calling this section in such a manner is that oftentimes these interactions have no actual shipping relation, hold no proof of anything romantic whatsoever. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

When shippers sit down to watch a piece of BTS content, they enter the video with a clear bias—X ship is real, as example—so they are (only) on the lookout for interactions between their ship and interpret those interactions in a shipping context, while disregarding/ignoring interactions with other members in many cases since those are uninteresting, or when they care it’s only to again feed into their bias. They look for any piece of evidence to feed their confirmation bias, which sometimes goes as far as completely misconstruing, misinterpreting, and manipulating interactions in order to twist them to fit their bias.

Here’s also where body language and tics come back into the conversation. A lot of ship evidence videos on YouTube rely on body language, somehow every creator being an expert in this field and their interpretations are usually backed by thousands of comments confirming that they are right, that it’s the only logical way of interpreting things. Because that interpretation fits their agenda, feeds their confirmation bias. The funny thing though is that many of the things presented as evidence can be easily explains in a different way once you put aside your bias.

Take wetting/biting your lip as example. Thousands of videos edit together interview moments in which member X supposedly looks at member Y while wetting his lip. That, of course, is taken as ship evidence, interpreted as proof that member X is in love with member Y, that they feel romantic/erotic attraction for member Y showcased through that lip bite. That though is a very bias way of interpreting that action, especially since it removes all context and logic.

Let’s try looking at it a bit more objectively:

I don’t know if you noticed this, but the more you wear a mask, the more your lips are dry and chapped, which explains the need for lip balm. What’s that remind us of? Exactly. The members have been seen countless times using lip balm, even on stage, and they also wear masks a lot, as you do in a pandemic and also because it’s a completely normal thing to do in Asia. Why do you use lip balm? Because your lips are dry. Why do you bite your lip? Because they are dry/chapped, and/or because it’s a tic.

Now, if we look at that same scene again, member X looking at member Y while biting his lip and take into account the above deduction, isn’t it a far more likely explanation than member X feeling the need to showcase his attraction for member Y in that very moment, especially if they are at an interview about their new album, for example? Furthermore, does looking at someone necessarily mean it’s an action done out of love? Isn’t it far more likely that member X looked at member Y because Y was saying something and it’s the polite thing to do, or X was simply looking in Y’s general direction since you have to look somewhere, can’t just stare at the ceiling or close your eyes, right?

Another example I’d like to discuss is how “body language experts” interpret the very same action in two drastically different ways depending on which bias it’s supposed to feed. This point, I think, highlights just how ridiculous and bias these body language interpretations really are, and how unreliable they truly are.

Let’s take member A lying down and cuddling with member B, which is interpreted as two lovely boyfriends cuddling in bed, but when member A lies down and cuddles with member C it’s interpreted as just two bros and nothing more. Even though the scene looks exactly the same. A and B cuddling feeds their confirmation bias, so A and C cuddling is dismissed and downgraded to not interfere with their bias. This is oftentimes done subconsciously, because they are so deep into their bias mindset, they see no other way of interpreting these actions. Even though the basic scene is the same, yet occasionally it might actually come across more relaxed and “romantic” when A and C do it as opposed to A and B, but since that doesn’t fit the confirmation bias, it’s dismissed and interpreted otherwise.

And this is where we circle back to Namjoon’s quote at the beginning of this whole thing: claiming you can interpret their body language with a 100% certainty is a foolish and naïve statement because all we get to see are small glimpses of their days. We see what they want us to see, the best version of themselves, we see edited clips and controlled behavior, the members putting forth their best faces, their nicest smiles, and thinking that just because your bias tells you that a touch of a thigh or upper arm or bitten lip with their face turned in the general direction of another member must mean something or another, it doesn’t mean it’s truly so.

We can theorize, we can analyze, we can make jokes and have fun, but the moment people get into fights or start hate against other members solely based on bias body language interpretations, that’s where we have an issue. And that happens all the time. And it doesn’t just happen with their body language, but also with their words, but that’s an entirely different can of worms I might try to dive into another time if you’d be interested in my thoughts on it. Let me know.

TL;DR: Body language is a very complex thing, interpreting it in an infallible way basically impossible, so making claims of exactly being able to interpret it without bias is naïve, as is believing those interpretations. In order to truly be able to interpret/understand the dynamic between members, body language alone isn’t enough in any kind of way. It isn’t a good enough source or tool to make proper judgements, it’s actually the weakest and most lacking one, especially when it isn’t done in an 100% unbias manner.

The only thing body language can tell us if someone’s a good actor or not, but figuring out true feelings between the members solely based on it, especially when these interpretations are usually skewed due to a bias, isn’t really possible. Even less so if you don’t also take into account the context in which whatever interaction you are interpreting is happening in.

[zeldahime]

cql college/job au xiyao edition

because these two have the potential to be the slowest of slow fucking burns and extremely excruciatingly painfully perfectly polite at all times

featuring: ta/student very-much-not-a-relationship, enough ust to set the entire humanities building on fire, corporate espionage, nie huaisang being the sneakiest and sweetest slytherin, background wangxian, nie mingjue being a boss, intense eye contact, let lan xichen say fuck, meng yao stress hours, WERE YOU ONLY PRETENDING TO BE DELICATE AND POOR, summer internship, background wangxian

it got uh. very long. so. 

meng yao starts working for nie enterprises when he’s 16 as a part-time janitor. he has two other part time jobs and is studying for his ged.

one day he solves some kind of problem that nie enterprises is having and nie mingjue likes this guy and promotes him to his personal assistant on the spot

nie huaisong is always flitting about his brother’s office etc, and they become friends and meng yao helps him with his homework.

when huaisong is getting ready to go to small posh private university, he will definitely need tutors. mingjue is happily persuaded into converting meng yao’s job into full-time huaisang babysitting tutoring, including paying for yao’s tuition and room and board to get a degree himself; his job is to make sure huaisang gets good grades and not in trouble. meng yao sees this for the golden ticket it is and very happily agrees. this is going to be the easiest job he’s ever had, and he’s got job security as long as huaisang doesn’t mess up too badly.

first day of classes, meng yao is 22 and looking around at the 30-odd 18-year-old trust fund babies with a sinking stomach telling him that he does not belong here.

this is a philosophy and ethics class like. in a literal ivory tower. this is possibly the last place he should be. 

and the most gorgeous man he’s ever seen in his life walks into the room with the professor. and he’s introduced as “and this is our TA, lan xichen.”

lan xichen smiles at the room with the kind of look that makes it feel like he’s making eye contact with everyone. and then he makes real eye contact with meng yao. “he’s attractive as hell,” they both think, and then think nothing of it.

but, it’s a small class. and it meets 3 times a week. and lan xichen shuts down someone who pokes at meng yao’s age, and meng yao asks questions perfectly tailored to making sure that huaisang and the other students actually understand the material. and by the end of week 2 they’re both saddled with an extremely unfortunate crush that they both need to get a handle on. for professionalism’s sake. they’re at work goddamn it.

and one day meng yao comes to office hours to ask a question that’s much more advanced than what they’re talking about in class, and in lan xichen’s tiny ta office talking about ethics, they are exceptionally and perfectly polite and appropriate and within the exact bounds of a ta-student relationship.

they are also both about to catch on fire.

this continues all school year, because it’s a two-part class. meng yao comes to office hours, and he and lan xichen are stringently appropriate the whole time, and at no point do they so much as brush fingers. they see each other every single day. 

huaisang thinks this is 1) absolutely hilarious and 2) the perfect distraction. he wingmans the hell out of meng yao in class, he third-wheels on office hours specifically to make it worse, and he arranges “chance” meetings between them outside of class. (he got some details about lan xichen’s daily schedule from wei wuxian, who he is eternally surprised is actually somehow getting information from lan wangji the silent wonder)

(he’s not getting it from lan wangji; lan xichen is wingmanning his little brother. the info wei wuxian is passing on is straight from the horse’s mouth.)

nie huaisang thinks he’s being very clever and sneaky in arranging his classes and portfolio to make it look like he’s just taking electives when he’s really planning on switching to a fine arts major at the last possible minute

he is being clever and sneaky, but meng yao knows what he’s doing anyway

meng yao is keeping that ball up in the air as long as he can though, because that’s a later-problem. 

in addition to falling in extremely professional love with his ta, his asshole dad has also come out of the woodwork and is trying to involve him in corporate espionage. which is less than super great. 

on the one side, asshole dad who hasn’t supported you in 22 years and didn’t care when your mother died when you were 16 and pushed you down the stairs because you had the audacity to ask for help, who will gladly frame you even if you don’t help. on the other hand, your boss, who has treated you well for a boss, but has explicitly told you your job depends on keeping his little brother as out-of-trouble as possible and who you don’t think will believe you

in this au, he’s solidly with the nie clan because: Golden Fucking Ticket, where the strings are “don’t let huaisang fuck up too bad,” and where “fuck up” means like. drunk driving or failing a class. he’ll probably even keep his job after huaisang’s art degree reveal. all dear old dad is offering is a jail sentence.

but he still needs to somehow convince jgs that he’s double-crossing nie enterprises without actually doing that, so that he doesn’t get framed for doing it.

it’s stressful.

lan xichen’s life isn’t roses and pearls either, though it’s not nearly as stressful as playing double-agent corporate espionage while also babysitting huaisang and getting a degree

lan xichen’s life is all about being the Dutiful Eldest Son so that lan wangji can have an inch of freedom

this includes becoming a corporate accountant (a job he’s bored just thinking about) and marrying a Good Girl From A Respectable Family (he is extremely gay), and eventually having 2.5 children and a white picket fence and a dog (he’s a cat person and doesn’t know what to do with children). he tells himself it’s all for lan wangji and it’s almost enough to make him want to do it.

being the ta for his thesis advisor’s philosophy and ethics class was supposed to be his Fun Indulgent Treat because he has no idea what “fun” or “indulgent” or “treat” mean

but now he’s in love with one of his students and that’s. not. good.

he’s all of 21 and he’s pretty sure he’s going to be blacklisted from all jobs for his entire life unless he manages, somehow, to keep anyone from knowing how entirely unprofessional he’s being. 

he is trying very hard to distract himself from his gayngst by helping wangji with his own. 18-year-olds can be so oblivious in love, he thinks, failing to see any irony at all.

he’s also been telling his bff mingjue about this extremely painful experience this entire time, under a pseudonym. if mingjue has to hear one more word about “Y”’s dimples, he’s going to scream and then he’s going to force Y into a closet with xichen and not let them out until they’ve solved this. he’s very tired.

at one point when he’s about to pass out from extreme eye contact, he gives meng yao his number so that he can “pass it to nie huaisang, in case he has any questions” and just. prays really hard that meng yao will text him after classes are over and he’s back to just being a grad student and they can be friends.

BUT. BEFORE HE HAS THE CHANCE. IN THAT TIME BETWEEN FINALS ENDING AND GRADES BEING TURNED IN.

lan xichen begins his summer internship at nie enterprises in accounting. and meng yao returns to fill in for an admin on her maternity leave. and they see each other in the break room. 

both of them: *internal gay screaming* Hi, what a coincidence, how are you doing? 

(boys, you are in different departments, nobody cares if you date as long as you don’t start fucking on the desks. they don’t know this because they’re young and very concerned with being Professional and with Career Advancement.)

they have Very Professional lunch together every day. and will buy each other coffee, Professionally. and it would be much more professional if they would just actually make out and then come to work like normal people instead of clearly wanting to make out every time they see each other and instead being Very Incredibly Professional with their words and actions.

mingjue clues in that this is Y. meng yao is Y. Oh my god, first i didn’t want to know that, second this is going to be so easy, and then i’ll never have to listen to xichen wax rhapsodic about his eyes again, he thinks.

he is incorrect. 

the harder he tries, the more vehemently perfect their professionalism becomes. which means he’s watching them have extremely intense eye contact at work and can’t actually say anything about it because, it’s just eye contact? what is he going to say? stop looking at people when delivering tps reports?

he also can’t say anything outright like “just. kiss. him.” because. he’s both of their Entire Boss. at the moment he’s xichen’s boss’s boss’s boss. he can’t do anything without probably violating sexual harassment laws.

mingjue is tired.

meanwhile the corporate espionage double-agent act is still ongoing and meng yao continues to be stressed

mingjue is alerted to meng yao “stealing” secrets and has a freak-out; he hasn’t slept in three days and he trusted meng yao and how could he? was this his plan all along WAS HE ONLY PRETENDING TO BE DELICATE AND POOR

xichen steps between them and insists there’s a reasonable explanation and jesus christ mingjue have you slept when was the last time you’ve eaten you look terrible let’s get you to bed and talk about this in the morning

(meng yao doesn’t realize that he’s clutched on to lan xichen’s suit until after he releases it and lan xichen is trying, very hard, to pretend that it didn’t happen because he won’t be able to think of anything else if it did)

xichen, immediately after mingjue is in huaisang’s care: i believe you, but what the fuck is happening, yao.

(if he wasn’t so rattled by the entire mingjue-reaming thing yao would be able to savor lan xichen saying fuck sooooo much better.)

(once yao explains it is a strain not to kiss him right then and there in that empty conference room but he deserves better than lan xichen, who can’t bring anything to the table and can’t even bring him home to eat at his table, because he is the Dutiful Eldest Son and his closet needs to be made of motherfuckin steel)

(huaisang knows exactly what the fuck is up and talks mingjue down, because meng yao is sneaky but he wasn’t counting on huaisang like. actually caring.) 

this is also the exact same day where lan wangji brings wei wuxian home for dinner and this goes. as well as might be expected. given Uncle hates everything about wei wuxian from his motorcycle to his leather to his attitude. but wangji is happy and he’s smiling and that’s why lan xichen is doing this. that’s why lan xichen is doing everything. 

the next day the 3-zun make a Plan to trap jgs and then get them audited by the irs, since if he’s doing shady espionage stuff he’s also almost certainly doing shady tax stuff (they’re right, he is)

after the internship is over, that very evening, lan xichen asks meng yao if he wants to “hang out, as friends”

oh, you thought this pining dysfunctional trainwreck was going to end here? buddy. lan xichen is in fucking narnia, he’s so deep in the closet, because he must be Dutiful.

they go on several not-a-dates doing Friend Things. and several study sessions where no studying is done. and eventually.

lan qiren: so when are you introducing me to your boyfriend? he seems like a good kid, nothing like that wei wuxian character

lan xichen.exe has stopped working

lan qiren: what, do you think i’m blind? he either is your boyfriend or he should be. good head on his shoulders. *returns to his newspaper*

turns out lan xichen’s self-sacrificial bargain with the universe was borne from a place of living in a heteropatriarchy and not actually from the reality of his uncle’s beliefs, who knew

(lan qiren loves his nephews and wants them to be happy. he also has eyes, in his head, that connect to his brain. he knew xichen was probably gay by the time the kid was 14, and started reading books with titles like “how to accept your gay son” in the living room. xichen assumed this was about wangji, because he also has eyes and wants his baby brother to be happy. wangji bringing a boy home was actually a big surprise to his uncle. this family does not actually talk to each other about things.)

anyway the next friend-not-a-date that he and yao go on, he asks yao on a real date.

he is bracing for rejection when yao kisses??? him???? for some reason?????

they make out &c. this is the boring part

they have a conversation about their feelings and discover that they’ve both been in love for a year a YEAR a fucking year. then they make out some more because lost time.

fin.

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 1.5.8 “Madame Victurnien Spends Thirty-Five Francs On Morality”

Hugo does this with so many of the societal tragedies in this book. He sets everything up like everything is great and everyone is happy, only to have the facade crumble. It happened with the students/grisettes outing in 1.4 and in the description of the Thenardier children at Montfermeil, and it’s happening now with the description of Montreuil-sur-Mer’s prosperity. Everyone’s so happy and has good income and pays taxes! Oh wait, here’s how the people of this town fucked over one poor woman. (And how many other women have had something similar happen to them because of the nosey people.)

I’m really stuck on the line that Fantine “forgot many things.” She admired her appearance and thought about Cosette and the future and was almost happy, but she also forgot many things. What did she forget? Not Tholomyes, I don’t think, because on the next page he says she thinks of him. It’s such an odd little phrase. I just can’t think of what “many things” she could forget.

Hugo says she rented a room and furniture on credit, “a remnant of her former disorderly ways.” Fantine thinks she’s getting herself back on track, that this renting stuff on credit will be the last time she’ll have to do something “disorderly” and that now that she’s making a living with her own work she’ll be fine. The Hapgood translation is “improvident,” by the way, which I think makes more sense. However I find it interesting that Hugo calls her renting a room on credit a lack of foresight, when really it’s just a necessity out of extreme poverty. She had 23 francs when she left Montfermeil, and I can’t imagine she has much--or any--left when she arrives. Her behavior in Paris, of not taking job opportunities when they arose because of her affair with Tholomyes, I think that makes at least a little sense to call improvident. But not her renting and furnishing her rooms on credit, which seems desperate rather than prodigal.

The townspeople whisper that Fantine “put on airs,” which is the same accusation Favourite had of her back in 1.3.4 while on the swing. Something about Fantine’s odd sort of innocence makes people think she feels superior to them. I was going to say I wonder if this is another way of Hugo insinuating her goodness, but I don’t think Fantine’s “goodness” is the same as Myriel or Valjean’s. Hugo called Fantine “wise,” and I think an aspect about her is that she’s wise on an emotional level, not on a social level. She understands the importance of emotional connection and devotion on a level we don’t see with the other grisettes or with the people of M-sur-M. She doesn’t seem to have any idea about the whisperings going on around her, she has no idea that her child has been discovered until she’s fired. And yet even when she hardens due to her suffering, she never loses the softness about Cosette. Her wisdom is about sacrifice, which is exactly the kind of wisdom that these nosey townspeople (and probably Favourite) lack.

I love Hugo’s condemnation of gossip and rubbernecking. It also makes me laugh because it’s so similar to the way that cops act. This feels like a condemnation of both gossips and cops. What’s the phrase? Kill the cop inside your head? Anyway, he sounds so frustrated and exasperated here. I haven’t read very much further into the Hugo bio, but I’m wondering if there was some rumor or scandal that he personally experienced that made him feel so strongly here.

Hugo’s really hammering home the beauty of Fantine’s hair and teeth here in preparation for two chapters ahead. Weirdly, this reminds me of the Bishop’s silver. Back in 1.1.6 we learn about Myriel’s silver, and it’s mentioned multiple times afterward. When he gives it up, he’s giving up the last thing that connects him to his past life and is put on the same level as any of the poor parishioners or citizens of Digne. When Fantine gives up her teeth and hair, she sacrifices the last two things that tie her not only to her old life in Paris, but to the possibility of success in society as a woman.

So from what I can tell, the Bernardines are a Catholic order also called “Cistercians.” Originally they tried to observe the Rule of St Benedict and focused mostly on manual labor, but later become more focused on intellectual and academic rigor. There was a semi-successful reform movement to go back to old ways in the 17th century. By the 19th century it seems it was mostly dissolved. The “Bernard” of Bernardine was Bernard of Clairvaux, a powerful French abbot who actually wrote up rules that allowed Templar knights to pass through all borders freely. He also encouraged the Second Crusade, though it failed. The Jacobins were anti-royalist republicans who encouraged dechristianization of the country. The Jacobins spoke on behalf of the people but many were bourgeoisie.

So Mme. Victurnien’s ex-monk husband went from being a monk of a fairly intellectual order who observed pretty strict Benedictine rules to joining the fairly atheistic, republican, radical Jacobins.

Madame Victurnien was strict and harsh because her husband was strict and harsh to her. Something I’ve noticed about the way Hugo writes about toxic/abusive/bad relationships between people is how children are affected versus adults. Victurnien and her dead husband, the Thenardier parents, even Gillenormand (with his spinster daughter) to some extent, are all horrible relationships where the treatment of each other means they both turn out pretty awful. However, the same treatment to children (Thenardier parents to their children and even more so to Cosette, Gillenormand to Marius) actually creates an opposite personality. Eponine and Gavroche are both pretty rough, but they’re also both fairly kind in certain ways, which their parents are definitely not. Marius is socially awkward but happy to help when he can. Cosette defies her childhood completely. It’s just an interesting observation that adults abused as adults become abusive themselves while children who were abused have the chance to end the cycle.

“She was a nettle bruised by a frock.” Does Hugo use “nettle” in this metaphor as a verb or a noun? Because to nettle someone is to annoy them, which works, as Victurnien seems to be an extremely annoying individual. But also we have nettles as prickly, stinging plants and as a metaphor from a few chapters ago for the way people become hurtful when neglected. Here we have Victurnien, this nettle bruised by a frock, hurt and damaged by this ex-monk, who becomes prickly and abusive herself. Perhaps with better treatment she would not have turned out this way; but she continues the cycle, beating down others and turning them into stinging nettles rather than them becoming useful.

Fantine is given her fifty francs upon her termination “on behalf of the mayor.” Madeleine is not even Madeleine at all in this chapter. He’s just “the mayor,” as Fantine had been just “the mother” back in 1.4.1. To her he’s this entity that has power over her, that even hates and persecutes her the way the townspeople are. She doesn’t see him, and neither do we; by this point he seems to have relegated factory admin jobs to others, who are then able to make the choice about who to dismiss and why. Again this presents a problem to his rules. People can make up any old rumor or reason to dismiss a person they don’t like or see as morally unfit, and because Valjean doesn’t seem to play as much a part in the running of the factory as before, there’s no way to dispute, except to go to him. And who’s going to go to him, if they feel the same shame that Fantine does?

Fantine is in limbo; she’s told to leave the city but she cannot because of debt. Hugo’s characters in limbo are usually on the edge of an emotional or ethical breakthrough, as with Valjean leaving Digne, Marius just outside the barricade, or Javert at the bridge. Fantine’s limbo doesn’t seem like the edge of a breakthrough, more like the edge of collapse. She really doesn’t have many avenues open to her anymore.

Also, what about sex workers who are more obvious? Later, we see Fantine walking the street in a ballgown. That’s very unsubtle. And, I don’t know, maybe it goes with her sort of social innocence that she would do something like that, but surely there are other desperate women who blatantly walk the streets like that. They haven’t been kicked out of the city. Surely they don’t--or can’t--hide their trade completely. It must be some sort of open secret. I understand that the reasoning for her being banished from M-sur-M is that Valjean has very strict rules, but it still seems so weird to me to set these rules up for some of the city but not all.

Fantine feels shame more than she feels despair. Which. Is a lot. It’s just awful that she has to feel ashamed for this thing that she would have kept hidden if the townspeople weren’t so awful. She has to feel ashamed for the one thing in her life that she truly actually loves and sacrifices for. Which is another parallel between her and Valjean. Fantine feels ashamed not because of her love of Cosette, but because of the “mistake” and stigma that Cosette’s existence implies. Valjean loves Cosette but he always feels a little bit ashamed, not at loving her, but because he feels she doesn’t deserve his love. Despite both of their shame regarding their love for Cosette, both Fantine and Valjean will sacrifice anything for her. It’s definitely a statement about the power of Love, but I think it’s also a good illustration of how both Valjean and Fantine seem to think of themselves as people meant to Suffer For The Good Of Another.

Fantine was “advised to see the mayor; she did not dare.” She believes this was his decision, and not some foreman’s. This is a failure on her part and on Valjean’s part as well. It’s a failure on Fantine’s part because had she gathered her courage and gone, she could have avoided everything that soon comes. But Fantine is so optimistic and sees through rose-tinted glasses, all the way until the moment everything collapses on her, and then she can’t go on. Her optimism doesn’t get her far enough to stand up again immediately; it has to rest first. But more than Fantine’s failing, this is Valjean’s. I assume he gets notified of who is hired and fired at his factory; does he not reach out when someone is dismissed to make sure they’re okay and to see if he can help? Even more of a failure is this rigid system he’s set up combined with his kind-but-mysterious air. He’s so nice and fair that the townspeople see these rules as kind and fair as well, when they’re very much not. But no one--including Fantine--is going to question it because they assume it’s set up in the spirit of kindness. Which I suppose it is, from Valjean’s point of view, but it’s misguided and twisted and ends up being far more damaging than it could ever be helpful.

[writingdispenser]

New Chapter Excerpt While It’s Still Cooking

The new chapter is still in the works, and I am in fact gunning to have it finished by today! But while I’m still working on it, I know y’all have been waiting for a while now, so here’s a small excerpt from the beginning to tide you over.

For context, here’s where I’m at in the word document right now:

Sorry for the delay! Hope you enjoy it when it’s finally out.

It was an unspeakable hour of the morning, yet the BLU base was buzzing with more life than usual as everyone clattered around before the long drive. Heavy was helping Demo move the last of their bags down for the bus, as Scout raced from room to room anxiously, seeming to be looking for something lost. Engineer groggily drank a mug of coffee in the kitchen meanwhile, doing his best to politely ignore the loud food shoveling coming from Soldier next to him. He gave Spy a silently relieved nod as he entered the room, glad to have someone finally he could actually converse with.

“Mornin,” he greeted as Spy returned the nod back, already making a beeline straight for the coffee pot.

“Good to see you too,” Spy replied, checking the pot’s contents. “Surprised to see you here, actually. You didn’t have to wake up with us too, you know.”

Engineer shrugged as he took another sip, before Scout’s head poked through the kitchen door for what must have been the third time so far today.

“Yo, are you sure you haven’t seen my –”

“No, I still haven’t seen your lucky baseball card in the plastic sleeve ‘round here, and yes, I did look,” Engineer answered like clockwork amiably. “You seen it anywhere, Spy?”

Spy shrugged with a sigh, before downing a swig of coffee from his freshly poured mug.

“You always keep it in your pocket, yes? Have you checked the laundry room?”

“Wha – of course I checked the laundry room, I looked through ALL the stupid laundry, do I look like a dummy?!”

“…And you remembered, I assume, that we place items found in the pockets in the basket on the second shelf to the right then, yes?”

Scout gave a short pause at that.

“Uh…yeah! Totally! Totally checked those places I’ll – I’ll be right back –”

Scout ran just as quickly out of the room as he had entered it, Engineer giving a low chuckle as he watched him dash.

“Not the brightest crayon in the box, is he?”

“I’ve worked with worse,” Spy shrugged, before blinking as he finally noticed the stack of pancakes on the countertop. “Hm…was that you?”

“Nah, Demo got here first and made uh…a lot.” Engineer moved his chair a little bit to the side at that, as Soldier enthusiastically squeezed maple syrup out of the bottle a little too hard next to him.

Syrup gushed across on the table, but Soldier didn’t seem to mind or care as long as at least some of it landed on his horrifically wrecked plate of pancakes. Engineer scooted his chair even further as Soldier dove back into it, cleanly managing to avoid most of his coworker’s mess.

“Ha…he probably made too many on purpose,” Spy laughed lightly, already walking towards their table with a neatly stacked plate of his own in hand. “He likes to be helpful, but never wants to look like he’s trying to be helpful. If that makes any sense.”

Engineer made some room for him on the least sticky stretch of table as Spy pulled out a chair, sitting down.

“Well, you’ve known him longer than me,” Engineer shrugged now. “Only reason I’m up right now is I was plannin’ on driving to my other work arrangements early…what with all the fuss going on lately and all.”

He wasn’t lying there either; he really did want to get to work early today, although for reasons other than his own personal healthy work ethic. He took another sip of coffee with a quirked smile as Spy gave a snort in response.

The sooner he had time to make use of the teleporter he had hidden in the RED’s base the better…and who knows, maybe there would be something there that would help him slip into the old fighting grounds. Two birds with one stone, if he was lucky. Hell, he knew about the underground tunnels BLU used to operate, thanks to research he did back when he knew he’d be stationed here – who knows what the REDs had going on that’d be similar?

Just then, Medic suddenly burst into the room behind them. The doctor barely acknowledged his teammates as he darted past them with a grunt, grabbing three pancakes from the countertop stack and shoveling them haphazardly into his face. He just as quickly grabbed the entire pot of coffee off the machine before dashing back out of the room, leaving the door swinging, as he left nothing but muffled curses from his still stuffed mouth behind.

“…What’s got his goat?” Engineer asked curiously.

“He had some experiments this whole…excursion of ours is interrupting,” Spy replied calmly. “I wouldn’t worry about it. Honestly, he’s always like this.”

“He could have at least poured his own coffee instead of stealing the entire pot…”

“I WILL MAKE A NEW ONE!”

“Soldier, no –”

It was too late to protest however; Soldier shot up from his seat proudly, still covered in sticky syrupy mess as he made his way towards the coffee machine.

“Hold on just a second, Soldier!” Spy quickly got up after him, stopping the man in his tracks with a hand to his shoulder.

He winced quietly as he tried to ignore the brown sludge now sticking to his unfortunate gloves, Soldier curiously turning around towards him, grin still plastered across his face.

“What’s the problem, private?” Soldier asked, clearly itching to unwittingly spread his mess further.

“You know, we’re going to be leaving in about a half hour,” Spy replied, keeping his voice smooth as best he could. “There will be…higher ranking officials seeing us off. And our ah…previous engineer besides. You do wish to look your best, don’t you?”

Soldier paused, before looking down at himself, then back up at Spy. Clarity regarding his situation finally seemed to sink into him.

“…ALRIGHT MAGGOTS, NEW PLAN! YOU MAKE THE COFFEE, I HIT THE SHOWERS!”

Soldier made a race for the door now, running straight into Sniper who stumbled in surprise as he was pushed aside. Sniper looked down mournfully at his newly ruined clothes, as the hurried stomping of Soldier’s boots faded down the halls.

“Well,” he sighed quietly. “Off to a great start.”

“You and the rest of us,” Spy replied, shaking his head in sympathy.

Spy tossed his own sticky ruined glove in the sink, before replacing it with a fresh one from his jacket pocket. As he pulled out an unused coffee pot from one of the cupboards, Sniper finally made his way inside with a shrug.

Spy passed Sniper a roll of paper towels in the meanwhile as the man muttered his thanks, pausing to wipe himself off as best he could.

“Surprised to see you here this early Truckie,” Sniper murmured, tossing the now sticky towels away into the garbage.

“Yeah, I’ve been getting that a lot today so far,” Engineer chuckled as he went back to his coffee. “Well, except from Soldier. I think the man actually expects me to keep this early morning schedule as a regular thing…”

“Christ,” Sniper muttered now, as he stopped fishing around for a clean plate long enough to fully take in the absolute state of the kitchen table left behind. “Don’t tell me this was all his work?”

“Just got him to go to the showers,” Spy snorted, already placing the newly filled coffee pot into its machine to heat up. “I might have used Everett’s name, of course.”

Sniper gave a low laugh at that, as Engineer looked between them curiously.

“Everett…?” He asked, voice trailing off in question.

Sniper and Spy exchanged glances at Engineer’s question, causing his back to stiffen up at that. Things had been going so well, he had almost forgotten…in many ways to his own team he was still practically speaking, an outsider. It’s not as if he knew it couldn’t be helped; most teams he joined already had a much longer shared history going, before he was ever added into the mix.

“Ah, apologies – that was the name of our previous Engineer,” Spy finally replied, shrugging as he now returned back to his seat, coffee duties finished. “I just thought it was alright to use his actual name, given he’s technically retired…”

 “Soldier used to follow him like a puppy,” Sniper added in bluntly.

He took a seat at the same table now himself with his newly procured plate of pancakes. Spy sighed, shaking his head towards him at that. Sniper didn’t seem to notice though, or at least pointedly ignored Spy’s reaction. He reached for the syrup then before hesitating, pulling his hand back. It appeared as if Soldier’s misuse of the stuff had put Sniper off for now.

 “…That’s certainly one way of characterizing it,” Spy replied slowly, choosing his words carefully. “He harbors admiration, I think. Everett served in the previous World War, keep in mind – officially I mean. And you know how Soldier – hm. Soldiers in the badlands in general. How they tend to be.”

“Ah,” Engineer replied slowly as well, swilling his mug. “I was too young to get drafted for most of that business myself…although if I’m being honest, it was a pretty close shave. I turned 18 in September of ’45.”

Sniper gave a low whistle at that.

“That’s more than a close shave mate; you must have the luck of a saint.”

Engineer snorted, before downing the last of his coffee.

“Boy, I wish…if I did, maybe Miss Pauling wouldn’t have chewed us out as long as she did after yesterday’s dance with the GRNs.”

At that Sniper gave a raspy laugh of his own, Spy’s eyes crinkling in amusement himself.

“It’s a miracle we got off as scott free as we did,” Sniper finally managed to add, a lighter smile now on his face. “Outside of the talkin’ to, I mean…”

“It’s ‘cause all them pencil pushers in admin know y’all are gonna be out of their hair soon anyway,” Engineer chuckled. “A few respawns on the GRN’s don’t cost ‘em as much as the usual bail money with these sorts of situations anyway. And I’m pretty sure those fellas had to have gotten a chewing out too.”

Engineer grinned at the thought of that…he sure hoped they did.

“Speaking of Pauling,” Spy mused. “I heard she’ll be arriving in the bus we’ll be leaving in today…although I highly doubt she’ll be driving back with us. I assume a different member of administration will be assigned to keep tabs on our lot while we’re away.”

“Probably Miss Howard then,” Sniper shot in over another bite. “She’s the one we see most often ‘round this area anyway.”

“Can’t say I’ve met that member of admin yet…”

[haridraws]

Hi, etsy anon here! I agree that Amazon can be very shady, though I have found them the most convenient for a lot of things, especially buying indie books. Etsy has about an $11 shipping fee to the US I think, which is less convenient for me. Do you mind if I ask if you get a larger cut of the sales from Etsy than Amazon? I’d be more inclined to buy from Etsy in that case—gotta support the creators! Thanks so much for your response!

Thanks for clarifying - honestly these are really good questions and thanks for being so nice about it!

Shipping is actually something a LOT of people often ask about - I’m also in online groups with artists in various fields who encounter a lot of similar questions, so I want to take this chance to explain the best I can how my system works, why I use Etsy atm, and answer some FAQs!

** Some indie artist shipping FAQs! **

I’m an artist based in the UK who sells their products online. These are some FAQs I get about shipping - this is just what’s true for my business personally, but I know lots of other indie artists who operate on a similar model!

(International indie artist)’s shipping seems really expensive! Why can’t it be free?

imo one reason indie artists’ shipping comes across as expensive may be because US customers can sometimes be used to buying from companies who ship domestically from inside the US. Some big companies also sometimes take a hit to profits to offer ‘free’ shipping - so they stay competitive, but lose some money. (Shipping always costs the company money! As far as I can tell, Amazon actually loses money on shipping, even with arguably very unethical practises, and USPS loses money on its operations in general)

For indie artists, especially if they’re using ethical suppliers, profit margins are usually much smaller since they can’t print in real bulk (1,000 or 10,000 units+) or with special agreed deals. That means that for a lot of international artists, that ‘free’ shipping model just isn’t possible at all - this is partly why Etsy punishing artists for not offering free US shipping in the search rankings is a big problem!

For me, offering 100% free US shipping would mean I’d lose so much money I’d just have to stop my art business completely - or else, raise all prices by £5-10 so every single person buying multiple items or from my home country would be way, way overpaying. And I don’t want anyone to be overpaying! I want to be transparent about costs as much as possible, which includes postage and packaging, even when it’s expensive.

I’ve heard bad things about Etsy recently - is me shopping there hurting artists?

SO to answer your question - for me personally, for books I sell myself (ie not with a publisher) Amazon takes a larger cut of the money than Etsy, even though both are just posted out by me (and my friend who I hire as an assistant bc of my disability) in exactly the same way. This is true even after Etsy’s fee increases and new advertising policy. At the moment, despite its issues, personally for me Etsy is still the best platform for various reasons (including eg. admin and messaging systems that make it hard to get an address wrong, are compatible with a system for customs codes, and make it easy to track down and resolve any issues, which is especially a big deal with my disabilities).

Not buying from Etsy if that’s the artist’s main or only store just means the artist will miss out on money they may really need to pay the bills - Etsy itself is a huge platform with varied users, and almost definitely won’t notice the difference.

In general, it’s probably best to buy from artists on whatever platforms they advertise themselves, or ask them which is best for them! And if you’re worried about Etsy’s new advertising fees (which I really don’t agree with, but that’s another post) affecting artists, you can avoid these by always going to the artists’ shop from a bookmark, or links they have from their website or social media. Clicking on ads you see elsewhere is the thing that will cut down on the artist’s profits (and you’ll need to shop from a private browser if you’ve clicked on their shop from any ads in the last 30 days).

Why are Etsy shipping fees so much?

Etsy’s shipping fees are something the artists sets themself. I (and most people) set it to match the amount I personally have to pay to pack and ship the order. It costs $10+ to send a 500g-ish package overseas with my country’s standard (non-tracked) international mail service, or $18 for a 1kg+ package, which is about the weight of books 1&2 of Finding Home. That’s not even including fees, packaging and label supplies - which make costs a fair bit higher for me - or the time taken to do it.

I know it can be a lot of money, but it is just really expensive to ship packages thousands of miles! In fact, for books I actually subsidise the packing costs myself, and lose out on profits a little to keep it as low as possible for customers.

Are you sure it’s not a mistake…?

Probably not! For my own shop, if your shipping costs seem REALLY high for non tracked orders (USD 30+) it’s worth sending me a message just in case there’s been an error. This CAN happen occasionally because of the way the adding-extra-items system works - usually if you buy a lot of (usually 4+) small items, it can end up overcharging a little, which I can definitely fix for you!

tl;dr - 

Unfortunately almost always, the shipping costs in my Etsy shop are just how much I personally have to pay to get the book out of my house over the ocean to you. I don’t make money on it - if anything I lose money - and that’s true of most small artists shops. They’re probably making it as cheap as they can, because cheaper for customers is better for business!

I do know costs can be prohibitive (and I do have PDF versions of most of my books here!) but unfortunately it just costs a lot to get physical products to people far away, and there’s not anything I can do about it.

[randomoranges]

teacher au 

Desk Space

The students’ of 5C, M Édouard’s class, always really appreciate their teacher. They know his name is Edward, but it’s a French school and even when they try, it sounds more like Édouard than Edward, and after so many years, Edward’s gotten used to it and even grown fond of it. He says it’s his teacher persona name and sometimes imagines an entire different life for M Édouard who’s able to do many great things, while Edward chills in the back and waits to take over when the day ends. Even when his boyfriend uses his name (and not one of the multitudes of nicknames and pet names he has for him), it always falls closer to Édouard (but when Étienne calls him Édouard, it’s sweet and intimate and it warms his insides.)

 (Edward never really thought he would become a teacher and had more or less come to the profession by accident. He’d needed a job, they’d been hiring, he had half the degree done and then completed the other half. The school then offered him a full time position and – well, he’d decided to stay, for the kids, really, and the fact that maybe he could make a difference for some of them – get them back on instead of letting them fall through the crack. Or something equally poetic. He’d tried applying to other jobs, but nothing really interested him.)

 M Édouard’s students’ don’t know all of that. They know he comes from l’Alberta, which by now they can place on a map. They know he comes from Edmonton (and boy does it sound funny when they say it in French) and that he’s been in Montréal for a little over ten years now. They’ve calculated the distance between both cities, have done their own exposés on the differences and similarities between both places (just to see the surprise on M Édouard’s face – and somehow, every year, there’s at least one student who does such an exposé, and somehow, every time, Edward is completely surprised and delighted), and it isn’t rare for M Édouard to hear that one of his student’s would really like to visit Edmonton one day.

 Edward never lies to his students and is frank with them when they ask questions or when there’s something going on. His students are well on their way to becoming preteens and teenagers and one day, they will be leading the world, so they may as well start realising the problems that are in it. He pushes them to think critically, makes them look beyond the face value of news and new releases, and encourages them towards paths that interest them. He holds the science club and invites all students who might be interested and does his best to keep them motivated throughout the year.

 M Édouard’s students love him. They appreciate his dry sense of humour and his no-nonsense attitude. He’s fair and generous, but he keeps his word when it comes to discipline. Everyone can get a second chance, but you need to earn it. He talks to his troublemakers and does his best to find solutions before giving demerit points and it’s extremely rare that M Édouard has called home to have a serious discussion with a student’s parents.

 With every new batch of students’, M Édouard finds himself fielding the same questions. He doesn’t mind, likes to see which ones will come first and the reactions to some of his answers. He’s agreed, with Étienne, that the students don’t need to know that they’re together. No one’s ever really outright asked him if he and M Étienne are together, so therefore, it’s not a lie. Their colleagues know and have figured it out over the years, staff parties, PED days and end of year parties. It’s not a secret and they never intended it to be, but there was no whiteboard announcement about it either. Edward likes to think that his private life and school life can stay a little separate and Étienne likes to see how much he can get away with the students’ and if any of them will ever catch on. (They don’t and it’s funny. Many students’ have seen them leave or arrive at school together, Étienne has always dressed as Mme Élyse for Halloween and “pretended to be M Édouard’s girlfriend”, they eat lunch together more often than not, there’s a giant overlap between the art club and the science club, and still the students’ believe that M Étienne and M Édouard are really good friends. (They’re not wrong. Étienne is one of his best friends.))

 Still, Edward always makes sure to tell his students that they can be whatever they want, that he’ll care for them well after they leave these hallowed halls, and that they’ll always have a safe space in class 5C. There’s a rainbow sticker on his class window and he takes the time to explain what it means. They have discussions about what it means to be LGBTQA+, some students mention having a lesbian auntie, or a gay neighbour, and he ties it up nicely with other lessons in ethics and in French and the whole thing goes down smoothly. He sometimes hesitates and thinks of sharing his own story, but he never gets around to it – doesn’t want to stop the exchange of ideas amongst the kids. Maybe he’s holding back, maybe there is still some fear left in him that he’ll hear back from it from the parents or admin, but – he leaves it at that and figures he can re-examine it at a later date.

 Still, he tells his students’ they can always come to him, that he’ll lend them an ear if they need one and that even if they chose to be someone different, that he’ll always think them valid. The message doesn’t really have its full impact when he tells them that – not when they’re ten and eleven and still a little green behind the ears, but Edward’s had a few students now, from his earlier groups, come to see him out of the blue and ask if they could talk and catch up – if they could share something with him and thank him for what he’d said way back.

 (Edward never denies such requests.)

 Therefore, all that to say, when his new students ask him if he’s married, he’s honest and tells them no, he is not. (That answer might change soon. They’ve been talking about it – him and Étienne and they’ve agreed that it could be nice, soon, eventually. They’re already settled down and both their names are on the mortgage papers, but – it would be nice. At some point. Once they finish playing catch up with the last of the house renovations and they figure out which set of dishes they want to keep. The guestroom still has a few of Étienne’s boxes they haven’t sorted through yet, but summer is only so long and there’s always something better to do during it.)

 The students giggle and some boldly ask if he has a girlfriend. Again, he replies in the negative as he thinks of long curly hair, kind green eyes, and a bright smile that warm his soul. This generation still isn’t there, but Edward likes to think that maybe, in the second leg of his career, he’ll have someone sincerely ask him if he has a boyfriend and he’ll be able to say that he does and it won’t be a big deal.

 Then, there are all the other questions; does he have a pet (technically, it’s Étienne’s dog, but he says yes and always has a picture on hand of Mercury to pass around.) There’s the usual excited exchange about pets; dogs, cats, birds, reptiles, fish and then the usual questions about his age and where he’s from.

 The students like M Édouard and they’re never shy to ask him other questions, throughout the year, as they come. They like the fact that he decorates the classroom with them for every holiday. They like that he brings in cupcakes when it’s someone’s birthday. And they like that he lets them have snowball fights when the snow is soft and powdery, even if it’s forbidden by the school.

 Yet, for as much as M Édouard is pretty much an open book, his desk space is scarcely decorated, compared to many of the previous teachers’ the students’ have had in the past. There isn’t a plethora of personal knick-knacks held up with magnets on the filling cabinet near his desk, no transparent desk covering that protects half a dozen cute family photos and no significant paperweights holding back ungraded tests. Instead, M Édouard’s desk is pristine and near immaculate. The schedule is easily accessible, the workbooks are neatly arranged in a book holder, he has some of the students’ artwork on his filling cabinet (personal drawings the students’ have made him) and the week’s study schedule and homework at hand. The laptop is properly set up, the mouse sits on its pad, and a pencil holder holds enough pens and pencils that he never has to search for one.

 But, there are three tiny concessions to M Édouard’s carefully organised desk space. The first is the set of Oilers themed magnets that M Édouard uses to hold up the drawings on his metal filling cabinet. The students’ forgive him for such a travesty, since they know he’s from Edmonton, and it’s a bonding moment for those other students’ who’ve taken a liking for a team that isn’t the Habs, here in Montréal. The second is a small ceramic magpie, made and painted by hand by someone special in Edward’s life that sits on his desk, by his laptop. It reminds him of home, it gives him comfort when he looks at it and its presence on his desk is essential. The last is on the filing cabinet proper, safely tucked away by the photocopied exercise sheets. It’s a picture frame that any of the students can see when they come up to ask him a question.

 In the photo, there are two people (and now a dog). Him, Étienne and Mercury. The photo has them both smiling during some picturesque autumn walk they’d taken. (The photo is unfortunately cropped right below their shoulders and so the photo doesn’t reveal Edward’s arm around Étienne’s waist, or Étienne’s hand on his thigh.) The red and orange foliage is at its best; they look like the perfect image of good health and happiness and surprisingly still, no one puts it together. (Not now. Some have, later, when they come back to see him, and sometimes they ask, and this time Edward nods.) They recognise him, recognise M Étienne, but don’t go beyond that. However, it’s there for those who need it and he feels that it’s enough.

[multifandompostcardexchange]

FAQ

You want international fans to participate, but the postcards have to be written primarily in English?

Yes, unfortunately.  This is because the admins can only read in English, and if they cannot read your postcard, they cannot prevent harassment.  Greetings in your native language as well as well-known canonical quotes from non-English fandoms are fine.

Why can't I include my return address on the postcards I send?

To put it simply: because it is within the realm of possibility that a participant may end up regretting their decision at a later time. In the future, we may allow for "penpal lists" of people who are not worried about giving out their personal information--something that one would definitely have to opt into separately. But that's a discussion for a later time when we are more established.

Do you have a privacy policy?

Yes, it’s called ‘We will never share your real name or mailing address with anyone else.’ We're serious. We take issue with the erosion of privacy, the selling of data, etc.

I’m worried about doxxing.  How secure is my personal information?

The information you email to us in order to become a member is sent to our secure ProtonMail address, protected by an extremely secure password and multi-factor authentication.  From there, it will be printed and a hard copy will be kept.  It will not exist on anyone’s hard drive.  We will not share it.

Who are you and why should I trust you with my information?

I’m @vex-verlain and the “us” consists of me and my partner, who isn’t a part of fandom but may help with getting the mail out.  Being that I haven’t been particularly active in fandom since 2001 and have mostly just been lurking, there isn’t really any good reason to trust me--except that I promise I’m nice and take my ethical responsibilities seriously.  Also, the way the Exchange is set up, I am the most likely person to be doxxed, as everyone will be sending their postcards to me so that they can be forwarded on to the recipient.

Are we allowed to change our fandoms/favorite characters/favorite relationships after submitting our membership form?

Yes, absolutely, although we do ask that you only do this once per month. Just send us an email with the changes you would like made--let us know if you would like something deleted, added, changed, etc. It is not necessary to resubmit the application. If people regularly submit changes, we may create a form in the future to make it easier.

My address has changed.  What do I do?

Let us know as soon as you can, and we’ll update our notes!

What should I do if I no longer want to receive postcards?

Simply contact us and we will remove you from the Member Directory.

I have a suggestion for other content that should be allowed on postcards.

SEND IT TO US!  We want to hear your ideas!

Can't we horizontally divide the back of our postcards?

Yes, you can--I just didn't want to make the instructions too complicated.  If you are horizontally dividing the back of the postcard, keep this in mind:

The address side of the card must be divided into an upper portion and a lower portion, with or without a horizontal rule. The portion of the address side that does not contain the destination address is the message area.

The address, postage, and any Postal Service marking or endorsement must appear within the portion containing the destination address. As an alternative, when the destination address appears within the lower portion, it is permissible for the postage, return address, and any USPS marking or endorsement to appear in the upper portion. The portion bearing the destination address must be at least 1-1/2 inches high. 1

What should I do if my problem isn’t addressed here?

Contact us!  

[priveetru]

First I need to say that Biden is just as much a “supervillain” as Trump is. America during Biden’s time as VP engaged in just as much global terrorism, if not more. He opposed desegregation ffs. Second, you need to understand that police departments are already massively overfunded. Look at almost any city’s budget for infrastructure or environmental health, then compare that to their police budget. They need to allocate their existing funds to training, they do NOT need more funding.

Thank you for your response. I’ve spent some time looking into the issues you pointed out.

To start with polite concessions, Joe Biden is not without flaw and I don’t agree on all of his policy positions. I’m gonna go a bit hard on you because a lot of these are points made very often and this is an important argument. If you would like to have a more personal discussion on this matter, feel free to message me directly. Hopefully, this can be productive.

To start, I want to say we aren’t going to agree if you disagree with a few fundamental things. First, that there are only two reasonable choices for president, the Democrat or the Republican. While other parties will run candidates, the chances of one of these candidates even making it to one of the debates is infinitesimal. Therefore, the options are vote for one of the two candidates or don’t vote. Second, when given a choice where both options are bad, you should choose the less bad choice. This is equivalent to saying in the Trolley Problem, you should pull the lever. If you disagree with either of these: message me and I’ll explain them. 

The thing literally everyone is referencing when they talk about segregation is Joe Biden's past stance on busing. It is true that he opposed the Department of Education obligating schools to bus. I disagree with this position, but since Joe Biden is a politician it is easy to see why he opposed it as his constituency (and most of the USA) has and still does oppose busing policy (because we are generally very stupid). The nature of politics is trying to play the best of the worst options. In comparison, Trump has been catastrophic for Black rights, supporting the neo-nazi Charlottsville rally, filling the swamp with Black hating administration, not to mention attacking other racial minorities. This link summarizes it best (https://democracyincolor.com/recordofracism). I think Trump’s attitude about these issues is enough to argue he would take a harsher stance on busing if in the same situation. So Trump is the worse option on this topic.

On foreign policy, the argument that the Obama administration participated in global terror is inarguable. The problem is you’ll find it impossible to argue that the Trump admin is better on foreign policy when we are currently mugging Syrian oil fields and after we specifically chose to pull out of the Iran deal, one the best foreign policy decisions made while Joe was VP, before assassinating a major Iranian official in an Iraqi airport (Qasem Soleimani). This isn’t even beginning to touch on all of the ways Trump is losing to everyone (not just Joe but most other countries minus maybe the UK) on foreign policy.

I’ll wrap up with the police. Again, you’re right that some police departments are being funded stupid amounts. Luckily, Joe Biden agrees too, which is why he has put out specific plans to move funding away from police departments to other departments more effective at handling various issues (as I mentioned in the original post). Unfortunately, not every police department is overfunded. In fact, many police departments skimp on training specifically because they don’t have the funds. We do enjoy referencing police departments with tanks and such, but this doesn’t mean every police department has exorbitant amounts of money. Joe Biden is willing to hear the concerns of BLM and try to work with them. He has already drafted up a charter with Bernie Sanders that grapples with these issues. In comparison, Trump continues to praise police officers abusing peaceful protesters, draw further divisions, and send out the national guard to abduct people in unmarked vans. There is not even a comparison here, they are not even close.

And these are only the issues you brought up. I haven’t mentioned Trump's attacks on religious freedom, immigrants, LGBT issues, tax policy, other foreign policy like tariffs, his dog whistling to racists, his perspective on facts and truth, or his work ethic. These are all of critical importance and Joe Biden is leagues better than Trump on all of this.

Anyway, feel free to respond with a message or otherwise. I will look forward to it as any new information is appreciated. Just stay critical and thanks for reading.

Also, vote for Biden. It’s the right thing to do.

[relationshipanarchywithoutchaos]

Review: A Geek's Guide to Unicorn Ranching: Advice for Couples Seeking Another Partner

I bought and read this book so that you don’t have to.

I'm going to preface this review with the disclaimer that I started reading this book actively wanting to hate it.  The author* is the Facebook page admin for Poly.Land, which has some very cult-like tactics in its image posts, similar in style to scam pages such as David Wolfe, Vani Fari (the "Food Babe"), The Mind Unleashed and Free Thought Project.  Most notably, the page is laced with universally agreeable tweets, tumblr posts and memes, some not even about ethical non-monogamy, interjected with the occasional privileged or problematic post about polyamory or swinging, sometimes with amatonormative or ableist perspectives.

Before I get started, allow me to clarify: while I and many others object to the principle strategies of "unicorn hunting" (or even "unicorn ranching", which makes it sound even more like animal husbandry than "hunting" does), the problematic issue of couples seeking a third is rarely the fault of the potential third (or "unicorn").  It is perfectly acceptable for an individual who understands the risks and dynamics to enter into an arrangement with one or both partners of an existing couple who finds them attractive.  The problems are almost always from the misunderstanding of the unbalanced power dynamic the existing couple places on their targets, most often due to ignorance, greed, or socially-ingrained conceptions of the importance of the relationship over the members of the relationship as marketed by the western matrimanial society.

This book is a very short read: 73 pages, in large font, with a few appendixes for sample relationship agreements.  The paperback is only 1/4" thick.  I started it while waiting for a flight to take off and finished it before we reached cruising altitude.

The book is divided into "lessons" rather than chapters, none of them particularly long.  The first ten chapters run as basically a Polyamory 101, or maybe even a "Pre-Polyamory" class.  The chapters cover things like getting your existing relationship in order prior to opening up, different types of arrangements (vee vs. triad vs. square, etc), the basics of hierarchy, what a metamour is, all the basic stuff.

The only slightly geeky things in the book are a shout-out to the Ferengi meme ("FEMALES") and some minor stuff about math.  The author later describes themselves as the geek; but the title aims to target geeks, and there seems to be no good reason jocks, nerds, goths, or preppies couldn't benefit from the information within.

There is good advice in the book.  The idea of dating separately is explicitly floated, and I was glad to see it.  The idea of a triad not being one relationship, but four or more possible relationships, is also included. Eschewing exclusivity, and looking for partners who are already part of other relationships and arrangements, is also mentioned.  Being as "out" as safely possible is recommended for the emotional well-being of all participants.  The "love us both equally" requirement is talked about as one set for failure.  There is an acknowledgement that unicorn hunting is often looked at poorly by the greater community, and that it's a rookie tactic that many couples take.  While introducing the unicorn as most likely to be a bisexual woman willing to entertain a relationship with a man/woman couple, the rest of the book uses gender-inclusive language.

But there are some major problematic issues in the book which raise red flags.  More than once, the book talks about hierarchy and veto power as an option, but never once talks about the ethical implications.  The words "couple privilege" never once appear.  The descriptions of boundaries, and the appendices of relationship agreements, read more like rules than boundaries or agreements, and it's not talked about why that's a problem, how to amend agreements, and how to avoid building resentment.  The recommendation is to be low-key and discreet at first, which can unfortunately encourage bad behaviors and abuse.  How to deal with one's own children in this situation is never mentioned.  Basic discussions about consent and the sense of a high need for emotional work and emotional intelligence is also lacking, and those are the things that unicorn hunting couples need the most.  Jealousy and insecurity, as well as how to mitigate them, go undiscussed.

There's also a some statements of privilege.  Recommending that a couple get their financial affairs in order before opening up and making plans for couples therapy are not particularly inclusive, as it suggests that only the financially stable and the mentally supported can join in on the fun.  Intersectionality is mostly absent.

Only on the last lesson, "Proper Care and Feeding of Unicorns", is there a discussion about what it's like to be in a triad with someone who wasn't in the arrangement from the beginning, and only barely so; the lesson brings the conversation back to the individuals in the original couple.

The "additional readings" list Sex at Dawn, Stepping Off The Relationship Escalator (shoutout to my friend Amy Gahran), The Ethical Slut, and some other books not related to polyamory (e.g., books on communication and self-actualization). While I don't fault the author for not listing More Than Two among their additional readings, given recent developments, it seems like a blatant snub of the work that Eve Rickert put into the work, particularly given how comprehensive and universal the language of MTT was (even for exclusively monogamous couples).  Not including Tristan Taormino's Opening Up or Elizabeth Sheff's The Polyamorists Next Door, however, seem like egregious errors in judgement and I wonder what the story behind that is.

A section of one lesson is dedicated to "don't bait and switch", e.g., being honest about being part of a couple and, if relevant, that you're looking for someone to join the existing arrangement.  And yet, since there's very little here about the ethics of triad-seeking (or lack thereof), the book itself feels like a bait-and-switch.  Maybe that's a good thing.  After all, unicorns-r-us.com and freesexworkers.com do the exact same thing.

Unlike most books on the subject, this one references very few personal experiences/case studies, and no negative ones.  The author's main argument that unicorns exist and are available, mentioned in the beginning, was that the author has had positive experiences as a unicorn.  At no point is it ever stated that unicorn hunting is problematic.  At the end, there's an assurance from the author that with the right kind of practice within one's an existing relationship(s), the right person will eventually join the ranch.  I feel this is optimism is both dangerous and unwarranted; just going off of several Facebook and FetLife groups on the subject, any given community is filled with thousands of couples who try and fail for years or decades to find "their unicorn", tens of thousands of people who want couples to leave them the fuck alone and/or are angry about them invading queer spaces, and only a handful of unicorns willing to consider joining an existing couple's dynamic for free.  Were I reading this from unicorn-seeking perspective, I would have liked to have seen testaments and stories of couples who were successfully open up and form a triad, and how they did it.  The absence of these stories is telling.

So, like, I didn't hate it, but I can't recommend it. There are other books where you can spend a few extra dollars and receive significantly more information on the relevant subjects, as well as better guidance about the kind of emotional work one needs to do in order to eschew monogamy (A Geek's Guide is $8; Opening Up is $15, and The Ethical Slut is $18, both of which are way more than double in AGG in length). Some even contain workbook questions to think about individually, or with a partner. I think that if a couple read this book, and made no other efforts to read other works or join discussions online with experienced individuals, they would likely be set up for failure.  The author puts all of the scary possibilities up front, which is probably a good thing if it actually makes couples do additional research, but not if it turns them off on the prospect of discovering more about it and just going off on their own, none-the-wiser.

* The author, Page Turner, notes themselves in the back as a polyamory, kink and sex councilor and coach.  I do not dispute this, and I know people who have seen them talk at events on those subjects with expertise.